1:13🔗
Adam
It would have been a beautiful thing. Yeah, yeah, that would have been like Jim Jones being alone with his flock. Are you high? Are you kidding? You think I'd sooner leave a pedophile with my nephews and leave you alone with my listeners? One of these days. How dare you?
1:30🔗
Dr. Bruce
German work of art you drive is going to conk out. I remember one time, did you have to hitchhike in here one night?
1:34🔗
Adam
No, one night. Well, let me set up the show and then I'll tell that story because it has been probably about four years. Anderson, I don't think you were here when that horrible thing happened to me, but anyway, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191-FACTS-NOR-310-854-4455. I'm Adam Carolla. It's Dr. Bruce. You know him as Dr. Spaz. Filling in for Dr. Drew. Mr. Maronite, your last night.
2:02🔗
Adam
How long have you been here? About a month? It feels like a long time. What has it been? Three days?
2:13🔗
Adam
All right. So the story you speak of is one night, and this is years ago. This must have been about four years ago. I was driving in to do the show, and I had a little battery problem with the car I had, and the battery was not being charged by the alternator. It would hold some juice, but then I would go through the juice as I drove, and it was not being recharged as I drove. I got a jump start when it conked out in Studio City. I got a late start as usual, and I was driving down the 10, and it's back when I used to care about this show. This is many years ago. I was driving down the 10, and the car crapped out, and the show was going to begin in about 12 minutes. I was about two exits away, standing on the side of the freeway at 947 in the evening. The car wasn't going anywhere, and I wasn't going anywhere, and I thought it was very important that I get here before the show started. I hadn't been doing the show too long, and I thought that's the cardinal sin of radio, not to be here when the mic heats up. Although I do it almost on a nightly basis. Almost. Back then, I was young and naive, full of piss and vinegar, and I still had the will to live, and it was important for me to get here before the show started. So I ran down the freeway off ramp, turn right, ran down to Overland Boulevard, and ran into a Winchell's Donuts. Oh, that's right. And I looked like a crazed madman because I was covered with sweat. My wallet, of course, was not in my pants. It was in my car, and I accosted a nice couple on the outside who was leaving the donut shop. And I said to them, can you drive me? I just, I got, I'm about two miles, about no, about a mile, about a mile from here. Are you leaving? Could you drive me? And they were like a little frightened of me because it was at night and I was covered in swag. No, I didn't tell them that. I said, I just need to ride down the street with that. I'm not a murderer. Could I do it? By the way, it's important when you're asking for people, for rides, not to even bring up murder. You shouldn't bring it up. I learned that now. And they said, well, no, no, no, we can't give you a ride. Here's $5. Could you call a cab? And I said, now here's where they must have really thought I was nuts. I said, no, no, no, no, I need you to drive me. I need you to drive me. And they said, we're not comfortable with that. Here's $5. And I said, no, no, I don't want $5. Take the $5. No, I don't have time. I don't have time. Well, we can't drive you. I said, okay, keep your $5. And I ran into the whatever. Now they must've been a little confused. Like how often do you meet strangers covered with sweat in a parking lot? You try to give them money.
5:02🔗
Adam
And they don't take it. I was dressed like I normally am. Disheveled, slippers, sweatpants, tattered, semen soaked sweatshirt. So then I run in and two good fellows. I mean, two guys that are like right out of Pritzzee's honor or something. These guys are these guys are good fellows are coming out of this thing. And these guys they look like extras from from the Spartans. I tried the Sopranos. These guys really look like the Sopranos guys. They got a Cadillac, you know, an 89 El Dorado and everything with that blackened windows. And they're getting like cannolis, you know. And I said, hey, can you give me get out of here, you jackass. No, no, seriously, seriously, I need a ride. It's about a mile down. You got a joint? No, no, I don't have a joint. Get out, jack off. I said like, no, seriously, fellas, seriously, I do a radio show. The radio shows, you do a radio show. Get out of here, you jack off. And his other friends like, hey, Tony, go ahead, give him a ride. What the hell? I said, oh, please, please give me a ride, please. I said, okay, I get in the car with these guys. These are the guys kind of, it was ironic that I was begging to get in the car with these guys because these are the guys you might be begging to get out of the car with if they picked you up. Get in. So you drive in. I said, listen, the show is going to start now. It's going to start in two and a half minutes. It's straight down overland. You know, make a right. We'll just make it. All right. All right. All right. He's driving down and he stops in front of an apartment building. And I go, what's going on with you? I got to bring these cannolis up to my old. I said, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just take a minute. I said, no, the radio's got you got plenty of time. You'll make your radio show. No, I won't make my radio show. It starts at that. Listen, let me just drop the cannolis off. I said, no, no, no, please drive. He says, what's in it for us? I said, I don't know. What do you do? He had a storefront with one of these soothsaying madams. Oh, my. Madame Helen, who would read your palms. I said, listen, you come on the show. You can give the number out for a man. Yeah, I could. I said, yeah, yeah, come on, just keep driving. So anyway, the guys, they drove me here and the guys walked in and they, we didn't have a guest and they sat down and they came on the air. And they're talking about Madame Helen and the guy gave his phone number out five times. I remember it was, it's, it's a tree one oh.
7:52🔗
Yes.
8:10🔗
Caller
And I don't know what it is. I've been faithful to my girlfriend. She's now my fiance for about, it's been three years now. And I've asked her.
8:26🔗
Adam
And what do these scabs look like? I mean, the kind of scabs you get if you drag your knee along the carpet, or they look like blisters.
8:34🔗
Caller
They look more like blisters. Well, kind of in between both. It's kind of, the skin kind of pills off and they go away and come back, but they're never all the way gone. So.
8:52🔗
Adam
Yeah. You think it's that, Bruce? Bruce, Dr. Bruce, Paging, Dr. Spanze. Dr. Spanze, please come to the microphone.
9:18🔗
Dr. Bruce
Okay. And how often are we talking about? Do you get outbreaks once a week, once a month?
9:22🔗
Caller
Well, it's never gone away for the past, like, three weeks. It hasn't gone away. It's just been there. It gets a little bit better. And then if I quit masturbating or have sex with her, then it goes away a little bit. But it never completely goes away. It'll come back. And I can't completely quit masturbating, you know. No, that's impossible.
9:48🔗
So smart.
9:50🔗
Dr. Bruce
Smart move. That was a good move. Yeah, we like that. Okay. And when you when Adam asked about blisters, are these very small blisters or are they, you know, are we talking about a tiny pimple-like?
10:01🔗
Caller
No, they're not real small. They're, you know, they're about the size of like a attack sort of.
10:12🔗
Dr. Bruce
Yeah, I'm beyond myself here. But you need to have this looked at it. It's the same advice. Any time you have a lesion like that on the penis, you have to rule out a venereal disease. And however much you'd hate to think it was your fiancé that they transmitted it, that's a possibility. And then there are other dermatologic disorders. You might have an allergic reaction to something that previously didn't bother you. But it could be herpes has a blister-like lesion and scabies. I thought it was a scabies called to be in with.
10:58🔗
Hi.
11:00🔗
Caller
Hi. For the past 20 months, I've noticed that I've been losing weight really fast. And I was just wondering if there could be any losing to it.
11:15🔗
Adam
I see. And you do nothing to do this. You're not running in place and sleep. While you're sleeping or anything like that? No. You don't vomit?
11:25🔗
Nope.
11:26🔗
No.
11:32🔗
Yes.
11:43🔗
Dr. Bruce
Maybe she has thyroid. You might have a thyroid disorder. Your metabolism is controlled by your thyroid. And losing weight without a change in diet, you're not having diarrhea, nothing in your nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, nothing like that. Nope. Night sweats. No other systemic type of problems that you've noticed. Fevers, chills, skin rashes. It's a fairly common thing in young adult females to develop thyroid problems and have weight loss. But 12 pounds, what's your heights? Five five and you weigh 90.
12:42🔗
Adam
You don't understand how the TV remote works either. All right. No, there's many, many things you don't understand. I'm guessing almost everything. But here's the point. You don't have to understand. You're not a doctor. That's why you go to a doctor. Remember Bruce was talking a half hour ago about the thyroid condition?
13:01🔗
Adam
It's time to go back to the doctor and see about what to do and how to treat this thyroid condition.
13:07🔗
Dr. Bruce
It's like your thyroid sets the idle if your body were a motor had an engine and the idle is set too fast so you're burning up calories. Something that a lot of people would love to have and in fact some diet doctors give out a thyroid stimulating pill along with everything else.
13:30🔗
Adam
What's wrong with turning that idle or dwell up as we call it in the automotive business?
13:35🔗
Dr. Bruce
You can't keep it that way. You're going to turn off your own thyroid and it's a hormone. Thyroid normally produces thyroid hormone to regulate your metabolism. If you take it externally, exogenously, then you're going to shut down your own thyroid and I've had a patient have a heart attack after having that happen.
14:04🔗
Dr. Bruce
Yeah. He was coming back with chest pain, angina, he was coming back every week and his wife.
14:11🔗
Dr. Bruce
His wife kept yelling at him, George, it's those pills. I know it's those pills, that diet place you go. I don't like that doctor.
14:18🔗
Dr. Bruce
I said, what pills? They hadn't told me about that because he liked them. He liked the speed.
14:21🔗
Adam
Did he call it elixir or did he call it pills? Here's the deal. I mean, how much was he morbidly obese? How much weight do you have to lose at 85?
14:39🔗
Dr. Bruce
I have this problem and that I am always touching myself. And it is, I feel really silly telling you about this because it is an awful thing and it interferes with everything I do.
15:17🔗
Adam
Do you do like, did you hear about the American terrorist who tried to blow up the bus? He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe. You know, you do those kind of jokes.
15:37🔗
Dr. Bruce
Well, this is a big problem for me. This is serious because every time, okay, I work, I am secretary here and I work in professional building. I will be at the back of the elevator.
15:55🔗
Dr. Bruce
No, I know. It's just me and my sister. We moved here from my father, but by ourselves.
16:05🔗
No.
16:07🔗
Adam
How would he cruise successfully without this astrological medallion and birth control device?
16:36🔗
Dr. Bruce
Okay. I, yes, I touched myself my, well, okay. And I have to be careful because she said not to say negative things on the radio.
16:57🔗
Dr. Bruce
Okay. Well, then, well, sometimes, you know, I just, how do I say, I play with my clitoris.
17:06🔗
Dr. Bruce
And this will happen, you know, in the back of the elevator. And there are people standing in front of me in business suits. And they do not know. But that excites me more.
17:16🔗
They don't know.
17:17🔗
Dr. Bruce
Sometimes I'll be at the dentist, you know, and I will be in the chair and they will go out of the room for a minute, you know? And then I get excited. And I think, oh, but I must touch myself here now, too.
17:43🔗
Adam
Yeah. He puts, he puts them out, the little nitrous, and then he feels them off. And no extra charge, he tells me. He wants me to send my sister there, he told me.
18:03🔗
Dr. Bruce
Well, you know, I feel silly, and this is an awful thing, and I do not know what to do about it, because I cannot stop.
18:49🔗
Dr. Bruce
Yes, continually. I wonder if the world will end, and who I will have sex with immediately, it dare upon.
18:58🔗
Adam
I see. So there's a meteor hurling toward the planet and you're going to hop on some guy before the whole S-House comes down.
19:08🔗
Dr. Bruce
Right. Would you say that these behaviors are interfering with your activities of daily living?
19:13🔗
Dr. Bruce
Absolutely. I can't drive. I have truckers be driving by. They honk their horns. I have embarrassing, you know, even the SUV, the big trucks and everything.
19:38🔗
Dr. Bruce
And the other thing is, I have this thing, it is- I don't know what to call it. But how do you say? It plugs into the lighter and it moves quickly.
20:11🔗
Dr. Bruce
You would be a great pleasure for a psychiatrist. I'm sure there's someone out there that would love to see you. And there is help for this.
20:26🔗
No.
20:49🔗
Dr. Bruce
Have you ever been on an antidepressant or had any other kind of anxiety problems, anything like that?
20:58🔗
Dr. Bruce
Well, no. And it's hard to drive and drink coffee and do this. And it's hard to hold the cellular phone and do this.
21:10🔗
Dr. Bruce
Right. Basically, it's very difficult. You know, I mean, it's very hard for me to do all these things.
21:17🔗
Adam
Yeah. I'll tell you, if your rear ended me, I'd be upset. But if I found out it was because you're masturbating, I'd probably be all right with it.
21:27🔗
Adam
God knows, though, if you got that vibrator up you and you rear end a van, that thing's coming out of your ass. That airbag's just going to blow it right out your ass.
21:59🔗
Brain is damaged, you're addicted, you're pervert, you're not normal, you're suicidal, you're schizophrenic.
22:24🔗
Adam
Like Valencia. Hey, Natalia? Yeah? All right, baby. You need to go to... Well, how about you... There's a meeting, these people, they meet. It's called SA. SA, it says Sexaholics Anonymous.
22:40🔗
Oh, really?
22:48🔗
Adam
Talk to a psychiatrist, maybe he'll give you some pills, slow you down a little so you don't get in an accident.
22:53🔗
Dr. Bruce
Yeah, there are several things that could be going on, but it sounds very obsessive and compulsive about these behaviors.
23:34🔗
Dr. Bruce
It's got this great antenna. See, I'm going to be out of furniture soon. This is crazy.
23:50🔗
Dr. Bruce
And I wonder, you know, maybe I'm coming towards this time when women are supposed to be so horny.
24:04🔗
Dr. Bruce
Well, no, because I'm afraid of germs, like not germs, like, you know, bacteria like this, but, you know, scary things like the AIDS and, you know.
24:25🔗
Dr. Bruce
Listen, I never know if these calls are serious, but what you're describing can be helped. But if you see a therapist, therapist working with a psychiatrist and prescribing some medication.
24:37🔗
Dr. Bruce
Yeah, I don't think she should start with the essay meetings. I think she needs to start with the psychiatrist.
24:45🔗
Adam
We'll be back with Joey, who's 21 and doesn't want to lose his virginity. We'll talk him out of his virginity after this. Oh yeah, yeah, no, no, don't stop. Yeah, baby, come on now. Come on, Daddy's coming. Daddy's coming! Daddy's coming home! Dip Loveline on the Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Spaz over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-19.
25:25🔗
Adam
We were just talking during the commercial. My dad is pissed off. I didn't tell him I had a New Year's Eve party. But he wouldn't have gone, so I didn't tell him.
25:40🔗
Dr. Bruce
But your dad is diametrically opposite of you. He's quiet. He's nice. He's got thoughtful. What?
25:49🔗
Adam
He reads and takes walks. My dad is in a constant state of reflection. I was talking to him. He said, I'm 70. I said, Dad, what did you do on New Year's Eve? Stayed home and watch a little TV, went to bed at 930. I said, I'm shocked. Of course, I know you wouldn't leave the house. He said, well, I'm 70. You know, when you're 70 years old, that's what you do. I said, Dad, you were 70 years old when you were 45. You're 95 now, brother. Are you kidding me?
26:22🔗
Dr. Bruce
It's great to live to the age where they told you, you'll be just like, you'll see when you're my age.
26:26🔗
Adam
Well, listen, I'm 35. I don't leave the house now. So unless there's a big motorsport going on.
26:49🔗
Hello?
26:54🔗
Caller
Okay, listen, I don't know what is wrong with me. Every girl I know tells me I'm hot. You know, I'm in shape. I'm buff, all that good stuff. You know, I'm a go-go dancer at the club. I get girls all over me all the time. But still, literally, if I'm on a date or, you know...
27:57🔗
Adam
Right, right. And you're, they're in Vegas and they're drunk and it's a devil may care attitude.
28:03🔗
Caller
But no matter about it, even if I'm on a regular day with a girl, anybody like from somewhere else, like just say first time day, wine or diner, we go out, you know, usually got a hotel room. I always stay in the suite or something. I take it in my room. Like I always start off with a massage, you know, you know, and then I try to go for the gold. But next thing you know, I like throw it off for me. I like tell her I got to get the high guy.
28:25🔗
Adam
Right. All right. You're gay. Hold on, Drew. Drew may have a point, but let's just keep talking.
28:46🔗
Caller
Okay, it starts, it's kind of different. I always want, like not until a few years ago, actually, I always wanted to wait till I got married.
28:54🔗
Caller
You know, but I never met like a girl like I liked enough to do it with. All these, these are just like one night stand girls kind of thing, you know?
29:02🔗
My mom?
29:12🔗
Caller
No problems, but we don't really talk about them. I don't have like the greatest relationship.
29:18🔗
Caller
I don't know. I've always been like, ever since I was young, moved out, you know, self-independent. I come from a big family. I'm like the youngest guy.
29:36🔗
Adam
There you go. So, my point is, these are good Catholic, God-fearing people, and you're humiliating the family by shaking your tan ass in front of a bunch of drunk people from Iowa.
29:52🔗
Adam
Right. Some den of sin on top of the Rio Hotel in Vegas. But listen, Joey, I'm getting the vibe that you're having difficulty connecting with a woman, that you're scared to connect with a woman, and you only date women who you consider trashy or one night stands. To be intimate with a woman would be to connect with a woman and you're scared to connect. You're reluctant.
30:17🔗
I think so, but I don't know.
30:23🔗
Adam
I see. Hold on a second. I want to kill this guy. Big muscles, huge penis, chicks chasing him, getting paid to shake his ass in Vegas. I was cleaning carpets when I was 21, for Christ's sake, with a bunch of illegals in a colony kitchen in Conejo. What's that?
30:45🔗
Caller
Okay. This is the funny thing. I went to a psychic. I was in the San Diego village, right?
30:51🔗
Caller
They had like this lady psychic thing. She had the card and the deck and all that good stuff.
30:55🔗
Caller
She told me like this big, huge, you know, bull story. I'm going to be like successful in all these houses all over the world or something like that. And she told me kind of the same thing, like I don't want to connect with a woman. But the thing with getting married and having the sex, I don't understand. What's up with that?
31:10🔗
Adam
Okay. Listen, Joey, forget about sex. Replace the word sex with connection. You're scared to be intimate with a woman. Not have intercourse with a woman, but connect with a woman.
31:24🔗
Adam
Thank you, Drew. And you got to relax a little with this. You understand? Don't think of sex. Find a woman who you're genuinely interested in, not who's just hot, not who you just like to get in the sack and then not do anything with her while she's in the sack. Find someone you actually enjoy on a personal level and just take it slow and leave yourself open and see where it goes. And if you start freaking out and wanting to run away, stay in it. Don't you agree? Seems like he's having a little trouble connecting.
31:55🔗
Dr. Bruce
Yeah. And I think I'm not sure he understands why you were asking about his mother and the connection with being raised in a family where...
32:03🔗
Adam
His mom's great except for they don't talk and she doesn't like him. And he never really knew her.
32:08🔗
Dr. Bruce
So, I was going to suggest if he could... He sounds pretty concrete the way he understands...
32:29🔗
Dr. Bruce
Yes, I did. In that industry, there are many people that can't connect on an intimate level.
32:37🔗
Buh.
32:38🔗
Buh.
32:59🔗
Adam
Tom Arnold. Yes, I have every call cataloged in my calculator for a brain. I want to do something special on your wedding night.
33:14🔗
Caller
Well, I slept with my cousin one time, and she was in town for a while. She went home. Since then, I took your advice and we cut it off.
33:47🔗
Adam
I mean, don't you think, now, wouldn't she have missed her period for a couple of months?
34:02🔗
Adam
Uh-huh. Bruce, when you get pregnant, how long after you actually get pregnant do you start with the morning sickness, usually?
34:25🔗
Adam
But listen, 16-year-old chicks who were molested by their dad for four years don't necessarily know when they're pregnant for the first time.
34:33🔗
Dr. Bruce
It's... I've had a patient come in the emergency room in labor telling me that this is abdominal pain for some other... Some people don't know they're pregnant until they're in labor. So...
34:43🔗
Adam
That's gonna make one hell of a mom, by the way. Someone who's giving birth, who doesn't know she's pregnant.
34:58🔗
Adam
Yeah. Oh my God. Imagine you got a 400-pound chick with a, you know, 60 square feet of Hymen down there who claims she's a virgin. Pumping out a kid. I mean, what?
35:12🔗
Dr. Bruce
I was listening real carefully to her abdomen and I couldn't get it to be still and I'm hearing this much more rapid heartbeat. Mom's a Baptist minister. The girl's a virgin. It's one of the first times I had ever moonlight. I was working in New York.
35:30🔗
Dr. Bruce
Yeah. And the girl's claim. No, it turned out she... So I told the mom, I said, you're not going to believe this, but I think this is labor, not an acute abdomen, not an emergency abdominal thing. And she went off a little bit.
36:18🔗
Adam
Oh, that... I'll tell you. There's one reason I'm not a doctor, one of many. 350 pound Baptist chicks who got raped nine months ago coming in thinking they got a goiter. And it turns out they have a son. Oh, and were you between her legs delivering that mess?
36:36🔗
Dr. Bruce
No, but I was relieved that there was a pregnancy there because no, she wouldn't let me do a pelvic. So I had, you know, she wouldn't let you do a pelvic.
37:00🔗
Adam
I don't think it's your kid. But if your kid, if it's your kid, then you're going to have to see what she wants to do. I mean, if it's your kid, she's got to be three months pregnant.
37:09🔗
Dr. Bruce
I feel like the guy last night wait for the amniocentesis and then decide about the abortion.
37:20🔗
Dr. Bruce
Well, there's some issues you should explore about having sex with your cousin. That's... Why not? It's a social taboo in this country, just so Ben knows. That's a problem. Secondly...
37:32🔗
Dr. Bruce
One of the reasons that it's a taboo is because of the genetic problems you get into. So...
37:44🔗
Adam
Listen, here's the worst genetic problem. You have two parents who are related, who decide it was a good idea to have sex with.
37:56🔗
Oh.
37:57🔗
Yeah?
37:58🔗
Adam
Okay. I don't know what the answer to this is, and there's no easy answer to this one. I would call her up and question her.
38:05🔗
She's 16.
38:06🔗
Adam
Oh, you genius. Find out if she's had sex with anybody else. Find out how far along she is. Okay. Tell her to go down to Planned Parenthood and get a test and not just take one of these home tests and find out more information and then call us back.
38:25🔗
Dr. Bruce
Are you on good terms on that side of the family? Does your father have a gun or anything?
38:38🔗
Dr. Bruce
He may be unwilling to do what he really needs to do. He needs to get involved. Abortion? A 16-year-old is going to have a huge difficulty dealing with a situation like that.
38:49🔗
Adam
I know, but he's an idiot. He's young. What's he going to do? He's got to find out whether she's pregnant.
39:19🔗
Adam
Do they have a base in Milwaukee you could be transferred to? All right. Hey, Ben, call her up. Get all the information. Call us back. Okay. All right, because I don't know if she's praying or not in three months since he's had sex with her last. Maybe she had sex with someone else. Maybe another cousin. Maybe an aunt or an uncle. We'll take ourselves a break. We'll be back. Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Bruce. You know, Ms. Loveline, Dr. Spaz. He's filling in for Dr. Drew.
39:54🔗
Dr. Bruce
On the other hand, your names, for me, it's like when I walk on the psych unit to do a history and physical. They call me Jesus Christ. They call me the rapist. I don't care. I pay no attention when it's a demented mind that's a source of the...
40:10🔗
Whatever his twisted mind believes, that is wrong.
40:13🔗
Adam
Yeah. I don't know about the Jesus Christ part, but the rapist. Maybe on to something there. Now, you are the very definition of spaz. And that's not a bad thing. Well, I should have started this. Not a bad thing. But Anderson, back me up. Bruce is spazzy.
40:29🔗
I love Bruce.
40:35🔗
Adam
And he's the only guy I know who puts 11 sweet and lows in his coffee. I mean, here's the thing about sweet and low for any of you who have ever enjoyed sweet and low. It makes your drink taste sweet, but you have to ration it out, because if you put more than, let's say, three quarters of a packet into like an eight ounce coffee cup, it starts to taste bitter at a certain point. If you put, like, if you got a sweet and low and you're putting in an iced tea, and you have, you know, 16-22 ounces, you have a big iced tea, you put one packet of sweet and low, and it's just about right.
41:10🔗
Adam
But you got a coffee mug there with six and a half ounces of coffee in it, you just put six sweeten, how many sweeten lows did you put into that coffee?
41:19🔗
Adam
This is one, two, oh, wait a minute, these open? These aren't open. Okay, here's the cards is one, two, three, four sweeten lows into, I put some more in before that. Into about five ounces of liquid. There's actually more in volume. There's more sweeten low than there is actual coffee in that cup.
41:46🔗
Dr. Bruce
No, because that's more of a genetic thing. Not everybody tastes the bitterness and therefore.
42:01🔗
Dr. Bruce
I'm going to have a little TV set in your house because I broadcast Adam Corolla, you're drinking 12 teaspoons of sugar.
42:19🔗
What's up?
42:21🔗
First of all, Adam, man shows, rocks.
42:24🔗
Thank you.
42:37🔗
Caller
Yeah, me and my girlfriend have been going out for about three months now, and we wanted to wait a year before we started having sex, but things have progressed a little, so.
42:56🔗
Adam
Yeah. Hey, you know, you're in good shape as a guy whenever you have that, when are we going to have sex discussion, even if it's a year from now? At least you're actually having the hypothetical sex discussion with the girl, which means if they're having it with you, you're in way under a year. But anyway, now what do you want to do? You're having sex.
43:27🔗
Boring.
43:35🔗
Adam
Well, sure. What virgin isn't? I remember when I was a virgin, I couldn't get enough of the cornhole.
43:42🔗
Dr. Bruce
What do you mean you're really into, how does she know you're really into anal? You've had anal sex before?
43:54🔗
Go ahead, buddy.
43:56🔗
Caller
Well, when I was about four years old, my cousin had me do some stuff to him. He gave me oral sex and he told me to basically give him anal sex.
44:37🔗
Dr. Bruce
Your preoccupation with anal sex at this point likely has something to do with that. When you're sexualized prematurely like that, it tends to force or your mind tends to focus on sexuality in regards to things that are not related. So you are making a mistake getting sexually involved with your girlfriend at this age, first of all. A 15-year-old girl does not process the having sex is not what it is to somebody like Adam, who is an adult and I was done with sex five years ago. Yeah. So the reason people don't encourage you to have sex and discourage it at your age is because it really complicates your life. You're not really all right. You're ready for it physically, but mentally you're not.
45:23🔗
Adam
Listen, Dan, whatever happened to you, you need to work on, but you can't work on it from behind your girlfriend.
45:33🔗
Adam
Okay. Another good reason why you guys need to slow down. I'm glad you found each other. I'm glad you're in love and you have something in common. You're both raped by family members. That's quaint.
45:46🔗
Adam
But you both need to seek out a little therapy and sort things out. Don't just start getting into sex. You will get her pregnant and then you will have two of the world's worst and most confused parents raising this poor child who will be birthed through the anus, if I'm not mistaken. I didn't pass biology, but I know that I can do the math on this one. But all right. Therapy, therapy, and more therapy. Your cousin molested you when you were young. We're going to take a little break. I'm going to molest Dr. Bruce and we'll be back after this.
46:17🔗
Twinkie Hole, baby!
46:46🔗
Adam
That's good radio. Usually, I blow it by saying Southern California, and it makes it a regional thing, but this time I hit North America. That's good.
46:56🔗
Adam
That is speaking of a good job, Dr. Drew is not here tonight. Dr. Bruce is here filling in for him. Dr. Bruce is very qualified.
47:07🔗
Dr. Bruce
Dr. Drew briefs me whenever he leaves on whatever psychotic episode you're having at the current time.
47:23🔗
Dr. Bruce
You project all your problems to other people. You feel like you're on stage all the time, just like a typical TV.
47:29🔗
Adam
Just because you're some cartoon character with your five sweet and lows and your four and a half ounces of coffee, don't you project that on to me? How dare you attack my character on the air? Anyway, Dr. Bruce is just as qualified as Dr. Drew, although as I've always said, you wouldn't know it by looking at him or talking to him or being examined.
48:02🔗
Adam
An internal medicine. He went to a very prestigious college that no one has heard of. But he claims that was at Northern Illinois University.
48:23🔗
Adam
I bet you got a lot of chicks over there. Oh, my God. Was that big party school Andrews University?
48:33🔗
Dr. Bruce
You're like the people in college that thought all the Canadians took dog sleds to the border. Stupid Americans.
48:43🔗
Adam
Aaron, you have no idea what he's talking about. I've learned just to ignore him and move on. Aaron?
48:48🔗
Caller
Just like this, I'm a long-time listener, first-time caller, and I know that there's a lot of people out there that just talk to hear the sound of their voice, but you and Drew and you guys just know your stuff, and I'd just like to say thanks. Yeah, whatever.
49:05🔗
Adam
You know, it's calls like this and my enormous paycheck that keep me going, keep me showing up each and every night. What's your question, Aaron?
49:14🔗
Caller
Well, I've been kind of studying myself and listening to my body and stuff, and I think it's telling me that I might have a social anxiety disorder.
49:25🔗
Caller
I'd like to know where something like this could come from and how I could possibly take care of that.
49:32🔗
Caller
Well, it's not only studying it, but putting myself into certain places and feeling what my body is telling me, like my body temperature. Because when I get in certain places, I get my body temperature rises, I start sweating, I get nervous, I start stuttering and stuff. I just kind of run for the less crowded place or even go to the bathroom and splash water on my face and give it a second guess.
50:20🔗
Adam
Well now, now I'm ready. Listen, if I was 21 and hadn't been to a nudie bar yet, I'd be a medevac down in my apartment. All right, you probably have a little little anxiety disorder.
50:32🔗
Caller
But would that be like progressed with like a form of depression or anything like that?
50:43🔗
Dr. Bruce
Okay, that's a different area. What you're describing, anxiety disorders, depression, these things do go together and some people have more family members than others that have related disorders. I don't know if you have a family history of any of these things, but typically they do bloom. They come out and show themselves at approximately your age. It's not unusual. So it's something that can be, it's very well treated these days. You see a therapist. They usually work in conjunction with a psychiatrist and the appropriate medication is given along with regular therapy and things like, it doesn't sound like you're having discrete panic attacks. It sounds like it's more of a generalized thing.
51:27🔗
Adam
All right. So, Aaron, you need to get yourself, you need to muster the courage to get out of the house long enough to consult with a therapist or a psychiatrist and they'll give you some nice pills and you'll feel much better.
51:40🔗
Caller
But it's nothing that I could like work through like myself. So I'd actually have to...
51:48🔗
Dr. Bruce
What the therapist will do is work with you on techniques to work through yourself. Okay, that's one of the things that happens. But it's... Most people do not do well on their own just trying to figure out how to overcome this type of problem.
52:05🔗
Adam
Well, why bother? There are people out there and medications out there that can help you immediately. You don't have to struggle with this. All right?
52:24🔗
Adam
You do what I do. Every morning, you wake up, you look in the mirror, you say, you're good enough, you're strong enough, you're handsome enough, you're tall enough, you're smart enough, and then you jack off and take a nap.
52:37🔗
Adam
Well, this is just before. This is what gets the blood to my penis, and then I crawl back into bed and unplug the phone.
52:44🔗
Dr. Bruce
So you avoid any reality that would reflect otherwise, that you're a big-mouthed, nasty loser that gets in the radio and bullies people and poor doctors like me.
52:54🔗
Adam
Let me tell you something. I'll pick up the phone to call Dr. Marcel right now and come over here to the pajamas and finish the show, wise ass.
53:05🔗
Adam
Thank you. Suspicious. Thank you. Melissa? Hello? You know, I really think, I really don't take this the wrong way, Bruce, but I know Drew's little plan. His biggest fear is getting a competent replacement for himself while he's out. You are an asshole. So he gives me Dr. Spaz, and then by the time he comes back, I'm actually glad he's here. That's his plan.
53:29🔗
Adam
He's very, very smart. Why not? He's eliminating the competition. There are probably thousands of guys who could do this job as good as he, but he sends me Dr. Spaz and Dr. Marcel, and everyone, and then I'm begging for the guy to come back after four days.
53:45🔗
Dr. Bruce
I'm almost ready to tell you the secret that Drew and I share, but that we're regulating your medication through your coffee every Loveline when you take that drink, so I need to be here. Then we commiserate and decide how much Haldol you need in that coffee every night.
54:03🔗
What's up?
54:04🔗
Dr. Bruce
Recently, I've had this friend, and we've been friends for like three months, and talking on the phone, and going out to the movies, and just recently this Friday, I ended up drinking in the room, we ended up in the room, and we were like kissing and touching and stuff, and while that was happening, I was having flashbacks of my grandpa, and I thought that I went to therapy, and you know, handled all that stuff, and I just want to know, why am I having flashbacks, and because like now I feel really, really, really dirty.
54:47🔗
Adam
Oh yeah, I would love to dance a little jig on that old F's grave. Fantastic. I hope he died a painful death.
54:57🔗
Adam
Oh, really? No one hit him with a candlestick while he was sleeping or anything? No, that's nice. And you have wonderful, wonderful parents who were letting you be molested for five years.
55:07🔗
No, they're drug addicts.
55:10🔗
Dr. Bruce
Okay, one of the reasons you go to therapy is to work through these type of things. And when you don't get therapy many times or always, you return to the behavior or the pathology that started things off.
55:34🔗
Dr. Bruce
So one of the issues here is naturally that is going to bring back these memories because a 27-year-old guy and you're 16, that's molestate. You're being molested. Now, you may feel like you're old enough to handle it, but that's not the case.
55:54🔗
Adam
Well, who says she'll volerase dad? And okay, listen, Melissa, I'll tell you a couple of things that I'm hanging up, all right?
56:01🔗
Adam
Okay, this guy, he's not your friend. He's a criminal. He's an animal. He's a victimizer. He sees you as a good victim, and he's capitalizing on what your grandfather started 10 years ago, okay? Okay. Number two, who's screaming in the background?
56:58🔗
Dr. Bruce
Okay. But do you understand what's going on now is it's not you're in a normal relationship bringing back memories. You're having the same thing happen as when your grandfather molested you. Does that make any sense?
57:09🔗
Dr. Bruce
Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. I wanted to know, like, how could I tell him? Because we have mutual friends and I don't want to lose those friends.
57:15🔗
Adam
No, don't listen. If they're friends who don't understand what you're doing with this guy, then they're not your friends. So here's the deal. You don't have to sit him down and have a discussion with him. You just do what every chick did to me when I was 16. You blow me off. He calls you, you don't return the call.
57:35🔗
Adam
Good. He calls and you pick up the phone, you talk for a minute, then you say your nephew's crying. You got to go. You'll call him back later. You'll hang up and you don't call back. Eventually, he gets the message and he moves on to his next victim. Meanwhile, you get back into therapy because what your grandfather did to you is not going to be rectified or not going to be fixed by a couple of months of therapy. This is five years of torture.
58:00🔗
Dr. Bruce
Another critical thing that we'd be remiss for not mentioning is a substance issue here. Many people who have had molestation occur, they get into trouble with drugs and alcohol. She also has parents that had drug and alcohol issues and there's the genetics. She's got a double whammy. Yes, and please do not drink British drugs.
58:18🔗
Adam
Don't get pregnant and that too. What is this grandfather having at his granddaughter? Could there be any sicker F in the world?
58:28🔗
Adam
I'd rather hang out with the guy who murdered a few people. I really would. I would classify a guy who went at his granddaughter sexually as much more morally bankrupt than a guy who's killed three to five people.
58:44🔗
Dr. Bruce
Right. It's something that makes your blood boil. But it's interesting. We're just talking during the break. 85% of sexual abuse of that type, the perpetrator is under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
59:17🔗
Caller
Well, it's usually when I like a cough really hard, doing something strenuous, cough or laugh or like maybe running or something.
59:41🔗
Dr. Bruce
Do you have problems with diarrhea? Are there been any change in your bowel habits otherwise?
59:51🔗
Adam
It comes out in a loose form. If it was a firm stool, it probably wouldn't poke out, would it?
1:00:02🔗
Adam
No, you're not gonna cramp a solid duke in your pants. You squirt a little something in there. Right.
1:00:08🔗
Dr. Bruce
Here's the problem. That, as Adam calls it, the valve is under involuntary neurologic control. Okay. So this type of thing could be an early neurologic problem and there are many reasons that could be, there are many possible causes. So this guy needs to be seen by a general practitioner first and make sure that there's not some.
1:00:27🔗
Adam
Okay. So explain that. Your valve, your fart tank valve is under neurologic control. Yeah.
1:00:35🔗
Dr. Bruce
I mean your nerves control when you, when defecation, you have the voluntary aspect of it. It's just like when you urinate. Right. But in the valves, the muscular part of it, there are nerves that tell you, they tell the valve to stay closed. It's not something you're thinking of constantly. So. Right. And when these things fail or start to change, then one of the things you have to rule out is that there's a neurologic cause.
1:01:06🔗
Adam
And if he's having some trouble in that department, it could mean the computer, the main computer, is screwing up a little bit.
1:01:26🔗
Adam
I was going literally on you there. I see. So he he shouldn't go to like a dyno tuning place and put that that emissions thing they put in your exhaust pipe up your ass?
1:01:47🔗
Adam
Well, you haven't dated yourself, but you have. I have dug yourself in just a little bit deeper.
1:02:13🔗
Dr. Bruce
No, I love the Saturday Night Live when, what's his name? Tell us. Everybody get a life when they have that. You ever see that?
1:02:25🔗
Dr. Bruce
We had a nurse though in the ER that used to have one of those fake tricorders and would at appropriate times pass it by the patient.
1:02:32🔗
Adam
Oh boy. That's very mean. Tricorder is the diagnostic machine they use. You think. I see. You dig yourself in, then you try to dig yourself out a little bit. You dig yourself in deeper.
1:02:46🔗
Adam
Isn't that grounds for dismissal if you have a nurse passing a tricorder gag prop from Star Trek in front of a patient?
1:02:58🔗
Dr. Bruce
I had this patient with tattoos all over and I told him it was a Jewish hospital. I think that's when I decided I had done too much emergency medicine.
1:03:19🔗
Dr. Bruce
When the patients do bad things to other people and you have this urge to defecate.
1:03:22🔗
Adam
You want to just smell them. Hey, I was asking Drew about this last week. What ever happened to Mercy Killing and why can't we bring that back? Oh, now. Some gang member comes in there, you know he's shot a few people, he's got a bullet in his head. Can't you just put a pillow over his head?
1:03:39🔗
Dr. Bruce
I had a guy, we were taking care of this two gunshot victims, the first guy is a cop and he's shot six times. We're working on him, he dies, the nurse goes, Doctor, we have this other guy across the way, his blood pressure is dropping. So I run over there and this guy was the guy that shot the cop.
1:03:55🔗
Dr. Bruce
The nurse and I were discussing, let's see, potassium here? Just don't put the chest tube in right now? No, not really. But you feel that way, you feel very...
1:04:02🔗
Adam
Well, do it. Oh, you have my blessing. The guy just put six slugs into a cop who died. Cops always have these young wives and three kids, you know.
1:04:12🔗
Adam
This guy's a gang member. Let him die. Let nature take its course. How would you like it, by the way? Let's look at it this way for a second. Everyone, just think of it this way. You're a cop. You got 35 years on the force and you're a few months away from retirement. You got yourself a boat you're gonna go on with the old lady. You got a couple of kids in college and some punk gang member put six rounds in to you. Okay? Ten minutes before your shift in, the guy put six rounds in to you. You get dragged into the ER. Dr. Bruce has drank way too much coffee. He makes a mistake or two and you die right there on the table, right on the gurney in ER.
1:04:52🔗
Adam
All right. But the good news is, is this punk who put six rounds in to you, you manage to pull out your nine millimeter and put a few rounds into this scumbag who put six rounds in to you. Now you're dead. Now what do you want as your dying request, as a dying as a hero, as a veteran of the police force? Do you want this guy? Do you want all the resources, all the money, all the so-called education running into the next room and feverishly reviving this guy so he can just go through the penal system, get spit out of jail in six years early on parole and then just shoot another cop? Or wouldn't you like it, wouldn't you like those six bullets or those three bullets or how many bullets you put into him to take him down? That would be the very last thing I'd want is I was dying on that gurney. I'd want to know that the guy I shot was coming with me and that I would see him in hell. But no, not Bruce. Goes over there and saves his life.
1:05:56🔗
Dr. Bruce
Well, the worst part is to imagine that a doctor would do anything to harm a patient. And no matter how upset you get, I mean, that's, I did of course tell him, he asked me if he was going to live and I told him he was going to die and go straight to hell, but that was the extent.
1:06:16🔗
Dr. Bruce
Yeah. He was, he went upstairs. He put a chest tube in and blood pressure came back up and went upstairs.
1:06:24🔗
Dr. Bruce
Because I think he was 17. There was an older guy with him. He was either 16 or 17. And he was actually, never mind. All right.
1:06:45🔗
Yeah?
1:06:55🔗
Caller
I don't enjoy sex. I don't like sex. And I've been raped and molested and stuff like that. So you don't have to guess that. But I've had counseling. And I just, I don't know, is there anything that I could do to, I don't know.
1:07:38🔗
Adam
Yes. And that's it? Sounds like a wonderful group. What a lovely addition to the family.
1:08:21🔗
No, hold on.
1:08:35🔗
Adam
Oh, okay. I see. So it always works that way when we're family. How come you don't get your child, is what I'm asking, goofball. Not that you broke up.
1:08:55🔗
Dr. Bruce
What are your relationships like you tend to get into, and what are the guys like? Or women, where you're heterosexual?
1:09:50🔗
Adam
I see. I mean, Heidi? Bruce is going to talk to you off the air because you're difficult to talk to on the air.
1:10:07🔗
Adam
Now, listen, I heard someone talking in the background the whole time and she was obviously having difficulty answering the question. She sounded distracted.
1:10:30🔗
Adam
She was, I wish she was, she was worse than that caller. Go talk to her off the air and straighten her out. She was angry because she'd been molested and all that kind of stuff.
1:10:41🔗
Dr. Bruce
She doesn't have insurance. She needs ongoing therapy. She's lucky she's got a guy.
1:10:46🔗
Adam
She answered all my hard hitting questions about why her child was with her ex-husband because it broke up and things of that nature.
1:10:55🔗
Adam
No. Go in there and talk to her so we don't have to talk. All right. We'll be back after this.
1:11:03🔗
Loveline will be right back. So get your problems ready.
1:11:09🔗
Adam
Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Bruce, Ville Nain for Diner News, on another one of his many, many, many, many, many, many vacations. Five weeks of vacation time. He's coming back every second. Is he coming back a day early?
1:11:34🔗
Adam
We've already lost. We've lost 27 affiliates, by the way, I've heard, since you've been on the air.
1:11:40🔗
Adam
I'm backpedaling. I'm sending out fruit baskets and autographed t-shirts trying to win them back. I think the damage has been done.
1:11:46🔗
Dr. Bruce
Hey, I'm going to crash in your couch tomorrow before the show. Is that okay? I forgot.
1:11:55🔗
Dr. Bruce
Well, I'm going to be about three quarters of the way to LA and I don't want to drive back.
1:12:10🔗
Adam
Yeah, I guess there's another TV I could watch upstairs. You're going to come by at seven?
1:12:26🔗
Adam
I'll be down in the garage in my car, I'll give a toot on the horn, you follow me to work.
1:12:38🔗
Adam
You can come over, if you want, get us some takeout, we'll have a real bachelor's night.
1:13:24🔗
Adam
Maybe I should have. I would have got that college scholarship. What do you guys run, a 4-4 defense?
1:13:42🔗
Dr. Bruce
Okay. And what's happened? I mean, it's a redundant question about what's happened in the past, but carving is anger turned inward. There's usually a significant episode of abuse or a very difficult time in your life that this thing starts to result in. What happened in the past? Anything? Family things?
1:14:18🔗
Adam
Geez, that's smaller than Andrews University in Eastern Michigan, where Dr. Bruce claims he went. All right. Did you win the game after you carved win in your chest?
1:14:50🔗
Adam
Well, how about you get a little work? How about you do a little work on this depression?
1:15:06🔗
Dr. Bruce
Okay. So the depression thing, is that something that's longstanding? Have you had other people aware of that?
1:15:16🔗
Adam
Yeah. How about you, can you talk to a counselor or something? Maybe go to a church? Do anything like that?
1:15:24🔗
I don't go to church.
1:15:28🔗
Dr. Bruce
Troy, the problem is you describe it as something you can't control, and it's not something you're going to be able to deal with on your own. And if you start focusing your energy on trying to control that behavior, it's going to become another problem, and you need to realize that in and of yourself, you can't really deal with things like this. And there are things it represents within you that somebody else will help you to understand and deal with.
1:15:56🔗
Uh, four-nine.
1:16:24🔗
Dr. Bruce
And some of the piercing and tattooing that goes on is an equivalent. I'm not saying somebody that gets one tattoo, but when people have lots of piercings, lots of tattoos, it's sometimes the same type of cause as people cut on themselves.
1:16:47🔗
Caller
Well, let's see, my mom's boyfriend, he's sitting there always trying to control me.
1:17:02🔗
Adam
Well, by the way, if you don't do anything, what are you worried about? It's like, hey, you're not going out Saturday night. You go, yeah, I know.
1:17:15🔗
Adam
I understand. But you're 16, you're going out, you're getting drunk. What time are you coming home?
1:17:29🔗
Adam
Well, what's the deal? Do you think he doesn't like you or do you think he's just kind of worried about you?
1:17:35🔗
Adam
But sometimes concern gets misconstrued into doesn't like. Maybe he's worried about you. Maybe he thinks your real dad's not around. You need some discipline. You need an authority figure. You think it's that kind of situation?
1:17:56🔗
Okay.
1:17:58🔗
Yes.
1:18:00🔗
Yes.
1:18:18🔗
Dr. Bruce
Okay. First of all, when somebody comes into a situation like this, you're all thrown together. It's very difficult. And my heart goes out to you. Having to deal with an older person like this. A lot of people that age, he doesn't sound like he's maybe the most mature individual, but dealing with teenagers is difficult.
1:18:37🔗
Dr. Bruce
Right. So he maybe doesn't have a lot of insight and has no understanding of teenagers. If you can get understanding of teenagers, not necessarily through book learning or by becoming a therapist, but just by having raised them and understanding, it's a time of turmoil. You go back and forth with what you.
1:18:55🔗
Adam
Yes. It's getting pretty cathartic here, Bruce. Does that does Bruce has 19 step kids of his own, but he's a good guy. He's the world's greatest stepdad because he's never home. And he just comes home with a jukebox and a guitar. He bought it upon pawn shop. So it's great. That's pretty good.
1:19:11🔗
Adam
That's your life. He's constantly trying to win the love of the kids for buying things. Billy.
1:19:26🔗
Adam
Well, there you go. Okay. Let me say something here, Billy. Your real dad, he's an A-hole. Okay. Now, you may want to put him up on a pedestal and you may want to think he's a great guy, but he's a world class A-hole.
1:19:48🔗
Adam
And I know that hurts, but it's the truth. A-hole. Now I know you have a lot of feelings that are saved up for real dad that may be coming out with stepdad, too. And this stepdad may turn out to be a good thing in your life because without a dad figure around and running a little bit wild, you may need to be reined in a little bit. Now I know you're not out carjacking and raping, at least not every weekend. Carjack one weekend, rape the next weekend. Second and fourth weekend of every month is carjack. And then the first and third is rape weekend. That's how I worked it out when I was in high school. But you may not be happy about this, but you may get some benefit from some guy who comes in, puts some rules down and tries to reine in a little bit. Here's the deal. Don't get in this guy's crosshairs too much. Just be respectful of him. He's out, he's working, he's trying to keep it together. Just don't get into it with him. And maybe if he makes a rule and it's not unreasonable, you should do it.
1:20:51🔗
Dr. Bruce
Well, what I was trying to get to say is it's Billy's job as a teenager to push limits. That's what teenagers do.
1:21:01🔗
Dr. Bruce
People that don't understand that it's a no-win situation. So this guy comes in, he's trying to show that he's in control. And a teenager, you're just asking, it's a setup for trouble. So what he really needs is somebody outside the family to come to his aid, because I'm on Billy's side here. I mean, it's real difficult to have somebody else come in, and when they focus on, I'm going to show this kid who's boss here. You don't do that with teenagers, that's not the way things work.
1:21:27🔗
Dr. Bruce
And he needs to get somebody else in there. Mom is probably the passive person, not wanting to take sides. So if you got some sort of a counselor that you can go talk to, I think it's going to be a real problem if he doesn't get somebody else to sort of take his side. That's what people do in adolescent medicine.
1:21:44🔗
Dr. Bruce
They try to more often than not take the side of the kid. Oh, I don't want to do that one.
1:22:02🔗
Adam
Let me see your face. Yeah, there's Ace Rockolla is in the booth over there. Yeah, I'm going to call him in. I'm going to let him finish up the lightning round. You don't like Ace? Uh-uh. You don't let Ace hear you say that. Ace will be all over you like a bad sweater. He's a badass at Ace. Get a little Yeastie on the peckeroo. Yeah, that Yeastie will be put right up in you. You hear me? All right, that's what we're going to do. Good idea. Good idea, Bruce. We're going to take ourselves a little break and then we'll be back with Phil and DJ Ace Rockolla for a little Dr. Bruce lightning round. That is a bad day. When he's using the reverse, he's got no real credential. Let's check the time real fast. It's 11 45 and 40 seconds. That's 14 minutes and 20 seconds. A wave at the top of the hour straight up.
1:23:24🔗
Adam
You smack that middle line around, fast growing outlaw radio show in North America. Now we're gonna hop on the phone and we're gonna burn through some calls so we can bring the help to the kids who really need it. We'll speak to Alicia over here. Alicia's 15 years old, Alicia. Yeah, the lightning round. I'm Ace Rockolla. What's your problem?
1:23:53🔗
Uh-huh. Fighting parents, yeah.
1:23:54🔗
Caller
And it's really bothering me. Like, they fight every day and my dad's a drunk and my mom just cries and cries and cries.
1:24:07🔗
Adam
Yeah. Alisa, baby. You there, man? Turn your radio down. Hold on a second. Dr. Bruce, I'll get you off the air. Bruce, you go down here off the air. Because I got to check the time real fast. Too much to get into right now. I can get out of here? Yeah, get out of here. You go talk to her off the air. It's 1146 and 50 seconds. That is 13 minutes and 10 seconds away from the top of the hour.
1:24:33🔗
Adam
And Ace Rockolla is a good part of Dr. Drew's life. He's the dude of Dr. Bruce over there on the top of the phone. And now I'm going to line three. It's Jeremy Jeremy, 19 years old, which is Brown brother.
1:24:44🔗
How you doing?
1:24:47🔗
Nothing.
1:24:50🔗
Caller
I just want to know how I'm going to get like my girlfriend and one of her friends to go at it.
1:24:58🔗
Little trifecta there.
1:24:59🔗
Adam
Little monage de trois. Oh, I know that. Jeremy, let me check. Let me check the amulet. It's 1147 and 30 seconds. That is 12 minutes and 30 seconds away from midnight. It was an hour straight up. You're listening to Fast Growing Outlaw Radio Show North America. Loveline, I'm your captain. And Adam Ace Rockolla was a good partner over there. Dr. Bruce, she's got a little trio going with the ladies. Right, Jeremy? Yeah. Yeah. I recommend it.
1:25:38🔗
Adam
That's a very good buddy, David. I love him anyway. No, I kid him a lot. Let's check the time real fast. It's 11.48. I'm 12 minutes away from the top of the hour. I'm going to have the blows now. Now, I'm going to talk to Phil. Phil, you're 21 years old. Just make a little line around. What's going on there, brother?
1:26:03🔗
Adam
Yeah, well, Phil, I got to check the timer. It's 11 48 and 30 seconds. That's 11 minutes and 30 seconds away from the top of the hour. Straight up, expect to have a little line around.
1:26:15🔗
Adam
What's going on there, Phil? Premature ejaculation? I'm having trouble ejaculating at all.
1:26:26🔗
Adam
How about she gives you a little hummer, a little oral sex, pulls a little Lewinsky on the back of her room. What about that? Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. You have an orgasm during oral sex?
1:27:01🔗
Adam
All right, buddy. I'm on my way. I'm going to juice up the vanabita. You're gay. Listen, buddy, let me tell you something about sex. It's got its hussies, it's got its lose. You're in a little valley right now, buddy. That's all right, a little banning stuff. Even the great Rod Carew struck out a couple of times at the play. You know what I'm saying there, partner? Now, what you need to do is you need to get right back on that horse and hump the bejesus out of it. So see what you can do, all right, buddy, and just power through it. It's going to end at God willing. Let me check the time real fast. It's 1149 and 50 seconds. That's 10 minutes and 10 seconds away from the top. They are straight up the witching out of your smackdown in the middle of the night. I'm your humble host, Ace Rockolla.
1:27:37🔗
Adam
He's the man to me in the studio. I got half of the phones out. Look at Dr. Josh. Josh, 27 years old, line five. What's the problem? Where are you calling from, brother?
1:27:59🔗
Caller
I got two sister-in-law and they're both coming on to me like really strong. I've been with my wife for 10 years. I was wondering what you thought about that, Adam.
1:28:11🔗
Adam
They're both not college. They're very good looking, except for they're extremely overweight and they're drunk or they're very good looking.
1:28:36🔗
Adam
Oh, he's a boob job. These are your old lady's sisters are coming on to you. Right now? Yeah.
1:28:46🔗
Adam
You got to nail them and you got to kill them because they talk. Oh, yeah, the lady's daughter is what I do. As I do when I'm done having sex with the vision, I just kill her and jump her body by the river. Let me check time real fast. It's 1151 and 20 seconds. That's eight minutes and 40 seconds. The wave at the top of the hour is right up. The witching hour.
1:29:03🔗
Adam
The fast is growing. Outlaw radio show in North America. It's time to pile back on the foes. Hopping on line six. Speaking of, oh, it's 20 years old. Thanks for calling in, brother. What's your problem? Oh, and your bad is back on. Outlaw radio show in California. What's going on? Oh, and you're smacked down with a little light around. Oh, I know. Let me check time real fast. It's 11 51 and 50 seconds. That is eight minutes and 10 seconds away from the top of the hour straight up. Oh, and you're on line six. What's going on there, brother? Hello? It's a fast growing outlaw radio show. What's going on there, brother? I'm Ace Rockolla. As we get over there, the part of Dr. Drew and Dr. Bruce filling in for me. So what's going on there?
1:30:04🔗
Caller
Exactly. We're talking about it all up and down. All right. Well, anyway, she gets going on me and I get going on her. I get going on her pants.
1:30:12🔗
Adam
Yeah. Give me the old velvet buzzsaw. I've been there before myself. Let me check down there. It's 11 52 and 45 seconds. That's seven minutes and 15 seconds away from the top of the hour. Straight up midnight. The witch in Irish McDavid. Miss Michael, let's goodbye. Northern America. What's going on?
1:30:37🔗
Adam
She's doing her thing down there. Giving a little little hobnob in the back room. Possibly in the old trailer hitch as you say.
1:30:43🔗
Caller
Exactly. She's about three quarters of the way and then stops for her own pleasure since she can't think about mine while she's doing her.
1:30:57🔗
Adam
I see. All right. Well, you know what you got to do, buddy? You got to speed your clock up. So three quarters of the way is lift off. Here's what I do. You know what I do with the bitches? I go, baby, baby, listen to me, baby. Here it comes, baby. Here it comes. Ten. Oh, yeah. Nine.
1:31:16🔗
Adam
Give me a beer, baby. That's what I do. That's what Ace Rockolla does. Oh, yeah. I love putting this in the mountains. Let me check the timer. It's 11 53 and 50 seconds. That is six minutes and 10 seconds away from the hour. Let's see if we can pop it in one more quick one. You know, people quit calling me. What's going on there, brother? Fifteen years old. You got hit in the neds, did you?
1:31:51🔗
Adam
Yeah, enough said, brother. On the bus, got hit in the neds and I was just saying, I've been there before.
1:32:01🔗
Adam
Bruce, you make them off the air, what do you say now? Because I got a break for commercial.
1:32:06🔗
Adam
Let me tell you something, kids. We're going to take ourselves a quick commercial time out for a little stage notification, let some of the sponsors have a word. We're going to be back with a ton, a ton more show.
1:32:19🔗
Adam
I'm going to shake a little doo off the lily. And we're going to be right back with more famous Loveline after this. Well, there you have it, another fan-chamberless night of Loveline. In the can. I'm going to thank Dr. Bruce for coming out here, and Lauren for keeping the Java warm, and of course Anderson for putting up with Dr. Bruce. So, until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Bruce, saying mahalo.
1:33:00🔗
Caller
This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.