Tuesday, January 2, 2001

8:46🔗 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

8:58🔗 Adam Yeah, I forgot how to do this. It's a loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. It's Dr. Drew with our phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-8-5-4-44-55. Dr. Drew's a board certified physician and a little bit of an addiction medicine specialist. Speaking of addiction, Jay, let's talk a little about booze in the new year. I did a little heave-in Monday morning.

9:26🔗 Drew Imagine that.

9:27🔗 Adam Yeah. And you know what's weird? I've changed my vomit schedule as it pertains to booze.

9:34🔗 Drew It goes later in the morning?

9:36🔗 Adam Well, I used to heave before I went to bed. Now I get a miserable night's sleep and heave in the morning. That's my new schedule. I'm working in to paying someone to heave for me. I don't know if those people are out there. Perhaps a day laborer I could pick up to heave for me.

9:50🔗 Drew They won't show up on time either.

9:51🔗 No.

9:53🔗 Drew Not after the day laborers wouldn't, but with your luck with the garbage man and the mailman and all that.

9:56🔗 Adam I want to talk about this whole hangover thing because, and I was dying to ask you because we've talked about this before.

10:04🔗 Drew But you were too busy abusing me. You were too busy abusing me.

10:08🔗 Adam I had to abuse Drew when he came over because Drew is full of ass and Drew, I had a New Year's Eve party which I have to talk about. And I had to had to abuse Drew that that's how that pertains to that. But I want to talk about being hungover because you're a doctor. And every year at this time of year before New Year's Eve, all the news stations run these tips for hangovers and hangover remedies. And they interview these guys and there's guys who've written books. None of them are doctors.

10:38🔗 Drew It's nonsense.

10:39🔗 Adam They're just idiots, but they tell you what to do. And let me tell you something. Most of them end with drink and moderation. And to me, that's not a tip. Like if I'm going to offer tips on how to travel cheaply and say stay home.

10:57🔗 Drew Right. Or how to survive a high-speed accident. Don't get in your car.

11:00🔗 Adam Don't get in your car? That ain't a goddamn tip. You telling me to drink in moderation is not a hangover tip. That I can figure out. As a matter of fact, every day I don't drink, I'm not hungover.

11:15🔗 Drew It should prove the fact that you really can't do much with the hangover. Doesn't? Because they really can fix the hangover.

11:20🔗 Adam Why give you all the other tips and then at the end of the whole session say, don't drink too much?

11:27🔗 Drew Yeah. You know, The New England Journal ran a big article about hangover. And the only thing I took home from that article was that what we used to call hangover was largely alcohol withdrawal. And they're kind of rethinking that, there's some other aspects of hangover. But in terms of treatment?

11:39🔗 Adam Nothing.

11:39🔗 Drew Nothing.

11:40🔗 Adam Okay. So here's one thing they do agree on. Hydration.

11:44🔗 Drew Yes.

11:45🔗 Adam You've got to hydrate yourself. You've got to drink lots of water.

11:47🔗 Drew When you're vomiting, though.

11:49🔗 Adam Well, see, my problem is I try to chug the water ten seconds before I'm vomiting. And that's just more that comes out. I got to hydrate while I'm drinking. Water doesn't hydrate you. Well, it doesn't hurt. It could. Oh, I guess it does. Well, no, wait a minute. Now, hold on. Okay. So here's the first tip I get from the guy on Channel 7 two days before. He says, you must be very well hydrated. Yes. Here is what you do, he says. Take your body weight. Okay, I'm 190 pounds. Cut it in half. Okay, that's 95 pounds. And drink that many ounces of water before you leave the house.

12:26🔗 Drew 95 ounces?

12:28🔗 Adam Yeah. So I'm going to chug three quarters of a gallon of water before I leave the house. That's a number one worthless tip because these tips they give you that cannot be done. That ain't a tip. Do you know what I'm saying?

12:39🔗 Drew Right.

12:40🔗 Adam You want to get in shape? Do 700 pushups every morning and walk on your hands to the mailbox. That'll strengthen your upper body. Yeah, I guess it would except for it cannot be done.

12:50🔗 Drew Right.

12:51🔗 Adam Drink half of your body weight in ounces in water. Re-coculus.

12:57🔗 Drew By the way, in water or in fluid?

13:00🔗 Adam Water. Oh, poor. They always speak in terms of water. Okay, so drink that in water. Well, anyone knows, if you get yourself a tumbler, 16-ounce tumbler, fill it to the top, drink it, and then fill it to the top again and drink it. Now you're 32 ounces. Halfway into your third tumbler of 16 ounces, you're heaving. Jesus Christ. And that ain't even halfway to my 95 ounces of water. So I want to punch that guy. That's the same a-hole who said don't drink too much. More worthless tips. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate, drink, eat vitamin B. That's one you said. And I'm hip to that.

13:38🔗 Drew Yeah, the B vitamins are good.

13:39🔗 Adam But here's what's going on with me, Drew. I didn't even drink that much. And I did, well, actually I didn't drink, you know, they tell you to drink a glass of water. Here's the whole problem with the whole drinking and moderation and the whole hangover thing. You're drunk. See, you're not worried about, I mean, you're up on the roof trying to do a cannonball into the pool. You're not worried about having a glass of tap water in between shots of tequila. You're S-faced, and that's why you're not heating any of these warnings. It's the same problem with driving drunk. It's like, hey, sounds great now, and then you get drunk, and your decision-making isn't what it could be. So the hydration thing I can't figure out, all I know is I heave the next morning. And I can't figure it out because I went to bed and felt fine. Now, what has changed in me, Drew? Do you know what I'm saying? Why is it, back in the day, I would drink, if I drank too much, I would lie down in bed, the room would start spinning around, I'd get up and heave, and I'd go back to bed, I'd feel fine. I did that for the first 15 years of my life. Now, I go to bed, feel fine, wake up in the morning and heave.

14:52🔗 Drew Yeah, when you were three and used to do that?

14:55🔗 Adam Yeah.

14:55🔗 Drew The first 15 years?

14:56🔗 Adam No, I mean-

14:57🔗 Drew When you were three years old and used to-

14:58🔗 Adam Listen, Jack Hole, the first 15 years of my drinking career.

15:03🔗 Drew I see. Well, you're a little older. Did you take any aspirin or anything like that?

15:07🔗 Adam No, I did not take the aspirin or the motrin to upset the stomach. I did wake up with a headache and try to chug some water and hydrate myself, and that may have got my stomach, got a little something in there.

15:20🔗 Drew Had you been drinking all day?

15:21🔗 Adam No, not all day, just all night, but not a ton. Mix in a lot of booze, and that's the other one you hear about. Some people say it doesn't matter, other people say it does matter.

15:32🔗 Drew I'm just thinking you may have had some gastritis, which is an inflammation in the lining of the stomach, and that can cause vomiting. You also can get alcohol withdrawal-related vomiting, and if you had been drinking for a few days in a row...

15:43🔗 Adam No, well, no, well, no. And what about last night? I woke up at 4 in the morning covered with sweat.

15:51🔗 Drew Oh, that's alcohol withdrawal. Oh, really? Oh, yes.

15:53🔗 Adam Really?

15:54🔗 Drew Oh, yes.

15:55🔗 Adam And there are pink elephants running around the room. I was chasing them with a butterfly net.

15:58🔗 Drew Yes, you've been drinking for a couple of days. That's the deal here.

16:00🔗 Adam Covered with sweat.

16:01🔗 Drew Nice.

16:01🔗 Adam Covered.

16:02🔗 Drew I'm impressed.

16:03🔗 Adam Yeah, but I've done that before a few times for no reason. I do it periodically.

16:08🔗 Drew Yeah, some people do, but this is...

16:10🔗 Adam Really?

16:10🔗 Drew You might see if it, in some relationship to your alcohol consumption, perhaps, God knows, it's hard for you to tell.

16:17🔗 Adam I didn't really drink yesterday too much.

16:19🔗 Drew That's the point.

16:20🔗 Adam Yeah, but how dare you? How dare you make that assumption that I'm an alcoholic?

16:26🔗 Drew Now, speaking of how dare you, in maybe the second hour, I want to hear the how dare you to your neighbors that you plan to give.

16:33🔗 Adam I called Drew yesterday. I was PO'd about my neighbors who called the cops.

16:37🔗 Drew And one thing I want to give a how dare you on is we received a whole couple of letters of complaint about some rape call that we handled earlier in the month.

16:45🔗 Adam We never saw them.

16:47🔗 Drew Where one was intoxicated and people are alleging that we somehow weren't familiar with the law that has it that you can't render consent when you're intoxicated, which we talk about every damn night. I'm sorry.

16:57🔗 Adam I have said that technically, through the eyes of California law, almost every sexual encounter I've ever had would be rape in the court system.

17:06🔗 Drew And we talked about it in ad nauseam. And I believe, I remember that call right, we said, hey, you know, you're at a crossroads. You want to look at this as a victim. Remember this?

17:15🔗 Adam We've done 1,500 of these in the last week.

17:18🔗 Drew We had, okay, we're going to take a risk on this one and go, look, we're going to look at this at the crossroads. You're going to be a victim. You're going to make this a big deal. You're going to go forward, just put it out of here. And it was, well, we'll replay it again in a day or so and go on with commentary about it. All right.

17:32🔗 Adam Who sent you the letters?

17:34🔗 Drew I sent to Ann.

17:35🔗 Adam Yeah, I never saw them. How come I never saw them?

17:37🔗 Drew So they just come in. Is there a lot of them? My basic, how dare you here is, hey, people, know your enemies. Don't attack your allies, the people that are trying to help support your causes.

17:48🔗 Adam That's right.

17:49🔗 Drew And if we do say something that is unclear, help us clarify, but don't attack your allies and know your enemies.

17:54🔗 Adam Let me tell you your enemies. The Japs and the Krauts.

17:56🔗 Drew Nice.

17:56🔗 Adam Those are the enemies. You understand me? Not us, we're American, right Drew? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying, Drew? Japs and the Krauts? That's right. Nick, you're 15, what's up?

18:12🔗 Caller Right before I had the foreplay and everything, I can't seem to get a full erection, like a solid heart, like it's flimsy. And I seem to be pre-coming a lot. And when I, I had to force it in with my hand, and when I get going pretty good, it gets into a good erection. But the thing is, it's pre-coming a lot.

18:39🔗 Adam Pre-coming a lot means you're dribbling?

18:42🔗 Yes.

18:43🔗 Adam Of course, you've got a horrible penis. That penis is a lemon, you've got to send it back. That's bad news. 15, you can't get a good boner, and you're pre-coming all over, you're leaving a trail, trail of slime all the way to the bathroom.

18:59🔗 Drew Same partner?

19:03🔗 Caller I've been with about three, so I mean it's every single time that I've done it, it does this.

19:07🔗 Adam Have you ever had a long-term girlfriend?

19:09🔗 Caller Yes, sir.

19:10🔗 Adam And it didn't work out, I mean with the penis?

19:14🔗 Caller No, I mean we did that regime for about a year.

19:17🔗 Adam You couldn't get into the groove?

19:19🔗 Drew No.

19:21🔗 Adam Jesus, this guy gets a lot of tail.

19:23🔗 Caller I mean I got a decent size one, I'm seven inches, I didn't think the size, and I thought everything was the size, but then when you start getting into it, they say that's a major turn off, that they can't keep it straight.

19:34🔗 Adam All right, so you have a little difficulty, your penis becomes leathery, as we used to say.

19:40🔗 Caller Yes, sir.

19:41🔗 Adam And it has a little difficulty, it's like trying to take a raw hot dog and shove it through the keyhole of a door or something, it bends and whatnot, and you have to kind of really guide it in there, right?

19:54🔗 Drew And why does the drip make any difference to him, and why is he aware of it, why does he wear a condom?

19:59🔗 Caller I wear a condom.

20:00🔗 Adam You wear a condom.

20:01🔗 Drew How do you know you have a pre-condom?

20:03🔗 Caller Because, like, one, you know, before you put it on.

20:06🔗 Adam Yeah, I mean, he pulls his underwear down and it snaps back up to his squad. Nick takes his underwear, pulls them down to his knees, and then there's that eep whoop-psh, and his underwear snap right back up around his ass. It's like on a leash, like a surfboard.

20:23🔗 Drew Well, I think there's something up with his behavior.

20:27🔗 Adam No, it wouldn't even be something up with his behavior. He's got that penis that dribbles. A lot of guys have that.

20:31🔗 Drew It's just normal.

20:32🔗 Adam That's normal. I don't, but that's normal.

20:34🔗 Drew Trouble gaining a full erection. I need to know if he's on any medication.

20:37🔗 Adam But once he gets going and gets the stimulation, and this is all kind of normal stuff.

20:43🔗 Drew Kind of. Nick, are you on any meds? Medication?

20:46🔗 Caller No, sir, I'm not.

20:47🔗 Adam And Nick, once you do get it worked in and do get it going, then what happens?

20:52🔗 Caller Well, I go good from there. I mean, the longest I went was about two or three hours. I didn't even keep it going.

20:59🔗 Drew And do you have any medical problems?

21:01🔗 Adam Yeah, he's fine. He's fine. Let me tell you something. You know what a penis is like for a 15-year-old guy? It's like a, I don't know, universal remote or VCR or a new car. It's something you got to kind of figure out. You know what I mean? No.

21:22🔗 Drew I think most guys are just kind of, there it is.

21:24🔗 Adam No, but, no, there it is, but not with sex. You got to kind of work with it a little bit. Break it in, figure out its tendencies, get your confidence. I mean, like, remember the first time you drove your car off the lot?

21:40🔗 Drew Yeah.

21:40🔗 Adam And you're driving down the street and you're thinking, jeez, I like to move the seat back, and your hand was kind of flopping around on the side, trying to figure out where it was. You're reaching where your old car seat was, and doing all that with the stereo and the wipers and everything. But two weeks into it, no problem.

21:54🔗 Drew It's that kind of thing.

21:55🔗 Adam Penis for a guy, a young guy, he's got to kind of figure out the tendencies, what works, what doesn't work. Know what I mean? I think that's all he needs to do. Seven inches, going for two hours, dribbling all the way to the bathroom.

22:09🔗 Drew 15 is not ready for all of this.

22:11🔗 Adam Now, please, you put the kind on. Did you, listen, any guy who says that, no sir, yes ma'am, he can have sex at 15. Jessica?

22:19🔗 Yes?

22:20🔗 Adam You're 13. What's up?

22:23🔗 Caller I think I'm attracted to my best friend.

22:26🔗 Drew You're gay.

22:27🔗 Caller I'm not gay.

22:28🔗 Adam Yes, you are. Listen to Drew.

22:30🔗 Caller Okay, you know it's kind of ironic that you say that because I'm like totally in love with Violent J.

22:35🔗 Adam Oh.

22:36🔗 Drew Violent J from our Violent J? You're an asshole. That Violent J?

22:39🔗 Caller Yes.

22:40🔗 Adam Why is it ironic?

22:41🔗 Caller Because, you know, you're sitting there telling me I'm gay. You can't make that assumption because I'm...

22:47🔗 Drew Yeah, that was a tape-recorded voice drop-in. That was not me.

22:50🔗 Oh, I was gonna really...

22:52🔗 Drew You're fat. There, see? That was not me either.

22:56🔗 Adam Well, it was you. Hey, Jessica, how old is your friend?

23:00🔗 Caller She's 16.

23:01🔗 Drew I understand what your question is. You're clear you're not gay.

23:04🔗 Caller Huh?

23:05🔗 Drew You're clear you're not gay.

23:06🔗 Caller I'm clear about that.

23:07🔗 Drew What is your question?

23:08🔗 Adam Clearly not gay, yes.

23:10🔗 Caller I'm totally sure I'm not gay.

23:12🔗 Drew What is your question, then?

23:13🔗 Caller I'm wondering why I'm attracted to her.

23:16🔗 I know for a fact I'm not gay.

23:17🔗 Drew Okay, many people your age confuse intimate warm feelings with sexual feelings.

23:22🔗 Adam Chicks.

23:23🔗 Drew Well, no, guys do too, believe it or not.

23:25🔗 Adam Yeah, but not her age, really.

23:27🔗 Drew What, 13-year-old guys don't do that?

23:29🔗 Adam Not so much, maybe nine, maybe.

23:31🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

23:32🔗 Caller Well, see, we've kissed before. And you're gay. I'm not.

23:38🔗 Adam Why, Drew, stop saying that. Why is this your best friend who's three grades above you? That's kind of weird, isn't it?

23:45🔗 Caller Well, I'm more mature than most girls my age.

23:48🔗 Adam I see, but she's in high school and you're in the sixth, seventh grade?

23:52🔗 Eight.

23:53🔗 Adam You're in the eighth grade and she's in the eleventh grade?

23:56🔗 Caller Yeah.

23:56🔗 Adam And she's hanging out with an eighth grader?

23:58🔗 Caller Yeah.

23:59🔗 Adam What's her problem?

24:00🔗 Caller No, no, no. She's just, I've got an...

24:04🔗 Adam I know you're dynamite, baby, but what's her problem?

24:07🔗 She doesn't have one.

24:08🔗 Caller She's the best in the world.

24:09🔗 Drew Yeah. You're not answering the question, though.

24:11🔗 Adam What? Does she not have friends her age?

24:13🔗 Caller No, actually, she does.

24:15🔗 Adam Uh-huh. And she kissed you?

24:17🔗 Caller Yeah.

24:17🔗 Adam So maybe she's a lesbo, too?

24:20🔗 Caller No. She's just very experimental.

24:23🔗 Adam All right. So what do you want? You want to have a relationship with her?

24:27🔗 Caller No.

24:28🔗 Adam All right. Well, then forget it.

24:29🔗 Drew What's your question?

24:30🔗 Caller Well, I'm curious if I should, like, reveal my feelings to her, tell her I'm attracted to her, or if I...

24:35🔗 Drew She knows you are. You kissed her.

24:36🔗 Adam She says you made out.

24:38🔗 Caller Well, we were kind of drunk then. You pansy.

24:41🔗 Adam All right.

24:41🔗 Caller I'm not a pansy, Jay.

24:43🔗 Adam All right. Listen, Jessica.

24:45🔗 Drew Well, Jessica's scaring me.

24:46🔗 Adam Yeah. What's up with you? Where's your daddy?

24:48🔗 Drew They're just painting the picture of Jessica for a second. How much black?

24:52🔗 Adam How much black?

24:53🔗 Drew She's wearing.

24:54🔗 Adam Oh. Are you? Are you? I'm not getting that vibe. You got black fingernail polish on?

25:00🔗 Caller No, but I got a dog collar on.

25:02🔗 Adam Uh-oh.

25:02🔗 Drew See what I'm saying?

25:04🔗 Adam Where's daddy? What'd he do to you?

25:05🔗 Caller Oh, my daddy didn't do anything to me, but my best friend's daddy did.

25:09🔗 Adam Oh, now we're getting to it.

25:11🔗 Drew What happened?

25:13🔗 Caller He molested me and my best friend, but not the same one.

25:19🔗 Adam He molested his daughter and you?

25:21🔗 Yeah.

25:22🔗 Adam And how old were you?

25:26🔗 Huh?

25:26🔗 Adam How old were you? Oh, this just recently?

25:32🔗 In February.

25:33🔗 Adam What about before that?

25:36🔗 Caller I was molested by a chick in the bathroom when I was in elementary school.

25:40🔗 Adam That sounded more like it. How old was she?

25:43🔗 Caller She was a year older than me.

25:45🔗 Adam I see.

25:46🔗 Drew So that's where the older person people come from.

25:48🔗 Adam You got a lot of confusion, right?

25:50🔗 Caller Yeah.

25:51🔗 Adam And you're a little antisocial. I mean, no one admits that.

25:54🔗 Caller I'm not antisocial. I've got a lot of friends.

25:57🔗 Adam Yeah, but a lot of weirdo goth friends?

26:00🔗 Caller I got a little bit of...

26:02🔗 Adam A lot of screwballs that are also antisocial. You know, it's funny, antisocial people like to congregate and talk about how much they hate other people. Yeah. I'm a true antisocial person, which is I sit alone... With my plane... .and talk about how much I hate people over the phone. Not with them in the same room. Jessica, listen, baby, you got bigger fish to fry than you being attracted to your best friend right now. You've been victimized a couple of times. You're 13, and you know what I know from doing this show, there's plenty of other opportunities for you to be victimized in the future. Plenty. As a matter of fact, if I was a gambling man, which I am, Drew, get my wallet, I would bet that you're going to be molested, raped or victimized in some other way multiple times.

26:48🔗 Drew If you don't break out of the cycle.

26:49🔗 Adam That's right.

26:50🔗 Drew It becomes a repetition compulsion. This whole thing of now hanging out with older women because you're abused by older women, you're going to find, victimizers are going to find you.

27:00🔗 Adam Baby, you got to get some therapy, you got to talk to some counselor, you got to get it straight.

27:06🔗 Okay.

27:06🔗 Adam You hear me? You know what I'm talking about.

27:09🔗 Yeah.

27:09🔗 Caller Can you say hi to Violent J real quick?

27:12🔗 Adam Yeah. Although...

27:13🔗 Drew He may be listening.

27:15🔗 Adam What's their obsession with Violent J?

27:17🔗 Drew I think she believes he was here.

27:18🔗 Adam Oh, she's listening to last night's show with Violent J on it. I see.

27:24🔗 The only weight I lift is my own.

27:25🔗 My big fat ass every day when I wake up.

27:29🔗 That was pretty good. My fat ass.

27:33🔗 Oh my God. Hey, play that again.

27:36🔗 Adam Well, we did play it again.

27:37🔗 Oh, man.

27:38🔗 Adam Eventually, I'd like to put an entire show together of just clever drops so that we don't have to come in.

27:43🔗 Yeah.

27:44🔗 Adam Anderson just sits there and just pushes random buttons. Drew calls people fat.

27:47🔗 Drew It could be like mixing songs.

27:49🔗 Adam Yeah. It could be like a DJ spinning records. Alright. Squeaks.

27:56🔗 Yeah.

27:57🔗 Adam Is that your nickname, Squeaks?

28:00🔗 Yeah.

28:00🔗 Adam You're 15. What's up?

28:03🔗 Caller I'm like... Okay, I'm into like bondage.

28:07🔗 Adam Oh, boy.

28:08🔗 Caller And I want to know, because like a couple of my friends and I give them my past boyfriends, that have like done stuff with me, told me that it's really bad and I have issues.

28:18🔗 Adam Yeah, you have issues? Yeah. Well, you do, don't you?

28:21🔗 Drew We get that just from the voice.

28:23🔗 Adam Okay. Where's your dad? What did he do to you?

28:26🔗 Caller I have a great dad. He's at home right now.

28:29🔗 Adam You have a great dad?

28:30🔗 Caller Yeah.

28:32🔗 Adam Did she say gay dad?

28:33🔗 Caller I said great.

28:34🔗 Adam I see. And that's your real dad?

28:37🔗 Caller Yeah.

28:37🔗 Adam You're a biological father?

28:39🔗 Caller I think so.

28:39🔗 Adam You sprung forth from his loins?

28:42🔗 Drew You think so? Are you kidding?

28:44🔗 Caller No. Okay, the thing is, okay, I'm like a real me, but I go through my kind of stuff a lot.

28:52🔗 Adam Hold on. Who was that?

28:53🔗 Drew She broke into Spanish for a second. Yeah.

28:55🔗 Adam It's like we're talking to Carmen Zapata for a second there. What happened, Miho?

29:02🔗 Drew Miha.

29:02🔗 Adam Miha? Miho's a guy, right? Ho should be girl. If I was president of Mexico, I'd say, look, we're taking the O that will be no longer feminine or masculine. We'll now make it feminine as in Miho.

29:17🔗 Drew We've proceeded by an age.

29:19🔗 Adam Yeah. What happened? Say it again in English.

29:26🔗 Caller Mi tostera, like it's like I'm really nosy and I go to my parents' stuff a lot.

29:31🔗 Drew And there's exitos en espanol.

29:33🔗 Adam I see. I see. We should get the Berlitz people on the phone.

29:38🔗 Drew So you go to your parents' stuff a lot and?

29:41🔗 Caller Yeah, so I was going through one of my mom's drawers and I found like adoption papers.

29:45🔗 Drew Oh, that's nice.

29:46🔗 Adam Oh, interesting. And with your name on it or it was you?

29:51🔗 Caller It was me, but it was Regina Alejandra Cruz. And my name is Regina Alejandra Cruz.

29:58🔗 Adam I see. Well, it's all right. No one understood it anyway. Hold on a second. Drew, isn't it weird? You know, there's an age when you want to snoop through your parents' junk and then you get older and it's like my mom says, go in the kitchen, get the napkins out of the lower drawer. And I'm like, no, you get it. I don't want to know what's in. I might find something that reminds me of something. You know, it's in the kitchen. It's in the lower. Now I'm not going. Can't find it. It's not there. Yeah, I go in the kitchen. I stand there, look at the drawer for a minute. I don't even open. I walk back. I couldn't find it. You will get to an age when you want to see nothing. You'll hold your ears and run out of the house. If you walk in and your mom's like on a phone call and she doesn't know you're there or something, you'll start yelling. There was a point when you would listen in, when you would want to know, when you would go through your parents' closet, when they went out of town and all that. Then you get older and it's like you don't even want to know. You don't even want to come close to knowing. Squeaks? Squeaks find a big vibrator and a ski mask, and a half-drunk bottle of Everclear.

31:04🔗 Drew Maybe you were adopted and anything else happened to you when you were growing up?

31:10🔗 Caller My parents, they haven't told me, and they ask them, and they won't tell me I'm adopted.

31:16🔗 Adam Who cares if you're adopted? But what about the bondage thing? Yeah.

31:19🔗 Drew Anybody ever strike you with anything?

31:22🔗 Caller Well, when I was little and I do that stuff, my parents would like to thank me. Like when I ran away, no, not really then. If I'd fight with my sisters or something.

31:32🔗 Adam You ran away?

31:33🔗 Drew You ran away?

31:34🔗 Caller Yeah.

31:34🔗 Adam Why did you run away?

31:36🔗 Caller Because a guy convinced me to go with him.

31:39🔗 Drew How old were you?

31:41🔗 Adam Oh, baby.

31:42🔗 Drew Yeah, we got a lot of stuff going on here.

31:43🔗 Adam Boy, you figured should be a quick read, but you just keep turning those pages. There's just more and more. Hey, Squeaks? Yeah. Yeah, we got to take a little break. Let me just tell you something. I know the Latino culture. Bondage is not one of their strong hands. Don't. It just doesn't work out. Do you know what I'm saying? You know, those bondage queens, that's a white chick thing.

32:07🔗 Caller Well, I look like I'm white.

32:09🔗 Adam Still not going to work.

32:10🔗 Drew Be that as it may, you know, I don't know that we can get any further with this than your boyfriend has said.

32:14🔗 Adam Mistress Cruz? No. That is not going to work.

32:20🔗 Drew It's Gutierrez.

32:21🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Yes. I mean, Mistress Dominatrix Gutierrez. No good. Now, you need like a good, strong German name. We're going to work on this. We got to take ourselves a little break. Yeah, because she's a mess.

32:35🔗 Drew No kidding.

32:35🔗 Adam She's run away from home. She's into bondage squeaks. Try not to be bound up or beat anyone in the next four minutes. All right. We're going to take a quick break and then we're going to get back. We're going to straighten your life out. All right.

32:48🔗 Caller OK.

32:48🔗 Adam How about Jesus Christ? You know him at all?

32:52🔗 Caller A little bit.

32:53🔗 Jesus Christ in heaven.

32:55🔗 Adam You like the part about him being nailed to the cross? You wish you were there with a cat of nine tails to really delve out some punishment?

33:03🔗 Caller No.

33:04🔗 Adam Pussy Romans. I'll show you how to punish showing. All right. We'll be back.

33:15🔗 Loveline will be right back.

33:18🔗 Adam Hey, kiddies. It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. It's Dr. Drew over there. Tracy Lord's coming in here a little bit later on this week. So we'll talk to her. I don't think I've ever spoken to her on the air. And I think I may have met her once or twice, although I have spilled a few gallons of seed to her image.

33:37🔗 Drew Oh, you really have? Whatever.

33:38🔗 Adam I must admit that.

33:39🔗 Drew A few gallons? Wow.

33:41🔗 Adam A few gallons. Well, that's not a lot. I mean, that's just a couple of days.

33:44🔗 Drew How did Minka figure out that sort of volume measurement?

33:48🔗 Adam Minka? Minka, you ever see Lake Mead from a helicopter?

33:52🔗 Drew Yeah.

33:53🔗 Adam That's how much semen. Oh, goodness. I have spilt over Minka.

33:56🔗 Caller Who is number one?

34:02🔗 Adam I'm number one Asian big boob queen. Yeah.

34:05🔗 Number one?

34:06🔗 Adam She didn't disappoint.

34:07🔗 Caller Number one?

34:07🔗 Adam She didn't disappoint.

34:08🔗 Asian big boob queen.

34:12🔗 Adam Minka talks like someone broke a spoon off in her mouth. Number one. Number one. Number one. And I kept saying number three Asian big boob queen.

34:25🔗 Drew She argued that you're number one.

34:28🔗 Adam Yeah.

34:28🔗 Drew She got upset every time. No, wait.

34:30🔗 Adam Dynamite lady. Dynamite. All right. You ready to rock here back with the squeaks? My squeaks deal is she's 15, she's a Latina, and she's a dominatrix, right? She's in a bondage.

34:45🔗 Drew Do you want to... Not a dominatrix.

34:46🔗 Adam Yes. Do you want to delve out the punishment or do you want to be punished?

34:51🔗 Punished.

34:52🔗 Adam You want to be punished.

34:53🔗 All right.

34:54🔗 Adam And you ran away with some guy when you were like 13.

34:57🔗 Drew And people did hit you when you were bad.

35:01🔗 Adam Yeah.

35:01🔗 Drew Which is where this all comes from. It's that, again, that repetition, compulsion, and traumas and arousing, highly arousing, traumatic experiences.

35:08🔗 Adam You say your dad's a great guy?

35:11🔗 Caller Yeah. Well, he never hit me with my mom.

35:13🔗 Adam I see. He just handed her the ping pong paddle.

35:16🔗 Caller No.

35:17🔗 Adam What does he do for a living?

35:18🔗 Caller He's a railroad engineer.

35:21🔗 Adam Really? I didn't know that was a real job anymore. All right. Does he drink a little bit?

35:26🔗 Caller Oh, a little bit.

35:27🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah. I do too. All right. Hey, Squeaks, this is no life for you getting beaten on.

35:35🔗 Drew But it's not going to change unless you really were doing some work.

35:37🔗 Adam Can't you feel good about yourself just all of a sudden?

35:41🔗 Drew God.

35:42🔗 Adam Well, why not? It's the new year.

35:43🔗 Drew All right.

35:44🔗 Adam How about your resolution is not to get your ass whipped by any guys?

35:48🔗 Drew How about little Alateen?

35:50🔗 Adam Were you ever raped?

35:53🔗 Drew Yeah.

35:54🔗 Caller No. Well, my mom said I was, but I don't know.

35:57🔗 Adam My mom tried to tell me I was too.

35:59🔗 Drew How dare she?

36:00🔗 Caller Well, no, because the guy, well, she said it was statutory rape.

36:04🔗 Adam Statutory rape.

36:05🔗 Drew Some guy had sex with you when you were nine.

36:07🔗 Adam How old was he?

36:08🔗 Caller Like 19.

36:10🔗 Drew And you were?

36:11🔗 Caller 13.

36:12🔗 Adam Yeah. So that's what your mom means. All right, baby. Listen, can you stay home or when you leave the house, leave your vagina at home? There's no trouble.

36:20🔗 Drew Check out allotin. Maybe that's a move in a healthy direction.

36:23🔗 Adam Are you doing drugs?

36:25🔗 Caller I smoke pot sometimes. Yeah.

36:29🔗 Adam Do you drink?

36:30🔗 Caller No.

36:31🔗 Adam Yeah.

36:31🔗 Drew I'm going to get back on the weed myself after this weekend. What sometimes is with the weed?

36:37🔗 Adam All right.

36:37🔗 Drew How many days a week with the pot?

36:40🔗 Caller Like on today.

36:43🔗 Drew Yeah.

36:43🔗 Adam All right. So you're smoking a lot of weed. All right, baby. Why don't you get off the weed and get out of the handcuffs and find Jesus Christ?

36:51🔗 Caller Well, I don't really believe in him.

36:54🔗 Adam I know. Yeah, you sort of do.

36:56🔗 Caller Well, I think that's just like any religion that has anything to do with him is basically sexist and I just don't really prove it.

37:02🔗 Drew Isn't that interesting?

37:03🔗 Adam Sexist?

37:05🔗 Caller Yeah. Well, if you think about it, God is a male. Jesus Christ is a male. All these prophets were guys and so.

37:11🔗 Drew Why don't you go check out a little maybe MA., Marijuana Anonymous and you can go ahead and conceive of your higher power as a female.

37:18🔗 Caller Yeah.

37:18🔗 Drew That'd be great.

37:19🔗 Adam That's right. Yes. All you women, you're the queens. Now get in the kitchen. Genevieve?

37:26🔗 Drew Send those letters to Adam Corolla.

37:28🔗 Adam Geneva?

37:28🔗 Drew Yeah.

37:29🔗 Adam Geneva?

37:30🔗 Yeah.

37:31🔗 Adam What's up? You're 14.

37:32🔗 Caller Yeah. I was wondering, a couple of days ago, me and this other guy, we were having sex and the rubber broke inside.

37:41🔗 Drew Yeah, we know.

37:42🔗 Adam Yep.

37:42🔗 Caller And I was wondering, can that give you like any kind of like diseases or anything? Cause like-

37:47🔗 Drew If he had one. If he has one to give you, that's how you get him.

37:51🔗 Caller Well, I don't know if he does or he doesn't. But-

37:53🔗 Drew And one of those diseases, the ultimate sexually transmitted disease would be pregnancy.

37:59🔗 Caller Well, I'm pretty sure I won't know that.

38:01🔗 Drew Why? Why?

38:01🔗 Adam Hold on, do you think that there's some sort of chemical reaction, something that transpires when the condom breaks, that unlocks some HIV virus that is tucked away in the man's semen that wouldn't be realized otherwise?

38:16🔗 Caller No, it's just- because like this is my first time and I don't know.

38:21🔗 Drew So what makes you believe you won't get pregnant?

38:23🔗 Caller Oh, because I went and had the shot.

38:28🔗 Drew Depo-Provera?

38:29🔗 Caller Yeah.

38:30🔗 Drew Before you had sex?

38:31🔗 Caller Yeah.

38:32🔗 Drew Okay.

38:32🔗 Adam All right. And who's the guy? Do you know him well?

38:35🔗 Caller Yeah.

38:36🔗 Drew There's a new shot out there, by the way, with estrogen. Estrogen Depo should-

38:39🔗 Adam Now with estrogen.

38:40🔗 Drew Yeah, which may prevent some of those side effects like the lack of libido and stuff that people hate.

38:44🔗 Adam Geneva?

38:45🔗 Caller Yeah.

38:46🔗 Adam Do- is this guy your boyfriend?

38:49🔗 Caller Oh, yeah, we used to be engaged.

38:53🔗 Drew At 14?

38:54🔗 Caller Yeah.

38:54🔗 Drew Used to be. That must have been when they were 13.

38:57🔗 Adam I'll tell you, what- how much hillbilly do you have to be to get engaged at 13 years old?

39:03🔗 Caller Oh, because his cousin is like- she's already married. She's 15 and she has a three month old baby.

39:08🔗 Adam I know. But listen, let me explain something about all you white trashers out there in the world, okay? Don't you realize that you're doing what you're doing? Do you know what I'm saying? I mean, isn't it sort of comical to you to be engaged to be you? I mean, don't you got to laugh at yourself at some point, being engaged at 13, dating a guy whose cousin's married at 15? You know, all those jokes that people make, they're talking about you. When people are making fun of Jerry Springer and the idiots that are on that show, they're talking about your kin. They're talking about your brethren. Doesn't that disturb you at some point?

39:48🔗 Caller If you think about it, it does.

39:50🔗 Adam Don't think about it. I mean, don't you not want to be that way?

39:55🔗 Caller Well, I don't really find it. I don't care what people think.

39:58🔗 Adam I know.

39:59🔗 Drew It's not about the people, it's about you.

40:01🔗 Adam You do care what people think.

40:02🔗 Drew Okay. But, B, how about what you think?

40:06🔗 Caller I don't really find it. My mom probably would, but...

40:11🔗 Adam No, but here's what I'm saying. And I'm not just saying this to you. I don't want to burst your bubble, but I'm saying this to everybody. When you turn on the TV and you see a couple of 400-pound chicks that are missing teeth going at it with a folding chair on Jerry Springer, do you want to be that? Or do you want to be one of those lady attorneys on Ally McBeal? You know, I mean, don't you at least aspire to be the other thing? Do you know what I mean?

40:37🔗 Caller Yeah.

40:39🔗 Adam I mean, don't you have any fantasies about life?

40:42🔗 Caller I used to, but...

40:44🔗 Adam You're 14, though. I mean, don't you want to be...

40:46🔗 Drew You used to, but you used to when you were 8?

40:50🔗 Caller No, like a couple years ago.

40:52🔗 Drew You know, I spent a lot of time thinking and reading, though, this vacation, and I realize the thing you and I fight the most... Think about this.

40:58🔗 Adam I spent a lot of time drinking and heaving.

41:00🔗 Drew I know you did. We've heard about it. But the thing we fight the most is denial. And that's the fundamental thing we're trying to crack through. It's why we have to bet, because we're trying to break through people's denial.

41:08🔗 Adam Well, I bet to make money and to fuel my drinking habit.

41:11🔗 Drew But you know what I mean? That's what we're up against all the time here in this show.

41:15🔗 Adam Yeah. Hey, Geneva?

41:18🔗 Caller Yeah.

41:19🔗 Adam Listen, I'm not going to BS you and tell you you can be president. But you could be a school teacher and not pregnant at 19. Then why not shoot for that goal?

41:29🔗 Caller I don't know. It's just, I guess, because like everybody's been telling me you can do this, you can do that. I just got sick and tired of it.

41:36🔗 Adam Well, listen, here, I'm going to be more realistic. You ain't going to be a lawyer, you're not going to be a doctor, you're not going to be a judge, you're not going to be in the Supreme Court, you're not going to be an astronaut, you're not going to be the president. But there's still some other gigs out there that are pretty decent. You can still have a good life. How about it?

41:52🔗 Caller Yeah.

41:53🔗 Adam You know? The first key is don't get knocked up at 15. Alright?

42:00🔗 Caller Okay. And Dr. Drew?

42:03🔗 Adam Find Jesus Christ.

42:04🔗 Drew Yes.

42:04🔗 Caller I don't believe in Jesus Christ.

42:06🔗 Adam No. Oh, yeah. Drew, what, huh?

42:13🔗 Drew I was on a Dateline. I think they finally aired.

42:15🔗 Adam Drew was on, what was he doing on Dateline? Because I watched that show.

42:19🔗 Caller Team Sex.

42:21🔗 Adam Team Sex? Drew was teaming some other, some chick with some other dude?

42:25🔗 Caller Yeah, he was talking about Team Sex.

42:27🔗 Drew How'd it come off?

42:29🔗 Caller Pretty good. I didn't watch all of it. I kind of got bored.

42:32🔗 Adam Well, sure.

42:33🔗 Drew I have a way of doing that.

42:35🔗 Adam Drew was on screen for almost 14 seconds. So I could see you getting tired around the 12 second mark.

42:41🔗 Drew That's nice.

42:42🔗 Adam All right.

42:43🔗 Caller All right.

42:43🔗 Adam Listen, don't get pregnant, would you?

42:45🔗 Caller I'll try not to.

42:46🔗 Adam And remember, you can be anything you want to be as long as it pays less than 40 grand a year. OK?

42:52🔗 Caller OK.

42:53🔗 Adam All right.

42:55🔗 Drew How do we, you know, I don't know. I spend way too much time thinking and caring.

43:00🔗 Adam Listen, I know. Listen, I come from a downtrodden family.

43:04🔗 Drew Think of the denial.

43:04🔗 Adam And I know what it's like to throw in the towel at 15. When your parents are like, you know, using food stamps and talking about saving up, you know, you know, you want to you want to get like you want to get a sleeping bag, just paste a few more blue chip stamp books and we'll go cash it. And when you come from a lot of that, that's the way you think. I mean, you don't think about being a doctor, being a lawyer. You just don't. So there's a lot of people out there who come from that environment who don't think about getting out of that environment. And they do just like what a tribe does. And yet though they become their own tribe.

43:45🔗 Drew I understand. And yet though the culture they live in with the TV at them all the time, they can have it all. That's got to that's got to play in some way in this too.

43:55🔗 Adam Yes, but they just become spectators. They just sit outside and is it that or Jennifer Lopez video.

44:01🔗 Drew Or has it become I have to have it all or forget it?

44:04🔗 Adam Well, it's I want it all, but I'm going to get it all by hitting the lottery or it'll be nothing. So I'll work at the slaughterhouse and pick up some lottery tickets every day on the way home. But there's no correlation between work and having it all. Do you see what I'm saying? And nobody who's in their environment has made that bridge for them.

44:28🔗 Drew Taught them how to get more.

44:30🔗 Adam Right, because their mom or dad sits around, watches the TV, sees the quote people that have it all and says, Oh, his daddy left him some money or he lucked into this or he hit the lottery somehow. But they never quite it with work, diligence, responsibility, hard work and all those other good attributes. You know what I'm saying? All right, there's a real mentality amongst the downtrodden to look at people who are successful and make excuses as to why they became successful. It's the same thing guys do when they talk about other guys who get a lot of ass. Look at him, Mr. Sports Car. You know he's feeding her the Coke. You know that BS, that BS king over there. He's this, he's that, he's the other.

45:20🔗 Drew Well, it's envy. Envy is an awful...

45:22🔗 Adam Right, so you don't go, he's getting a lot of tail because he's smarter and better looking than I am. You go, he's getting a lot of tail because he fill in the blank, feeds him the Coke, daddy left him some money, has a BS ramp. And they do the same thing with successful people. And they're not going to go that route, so forget it. All right, Drew, when were you on Dateline?

45:44🔗 Drew I guess just a few minutes ago.

45:46🔗 Adam And how come I wasn't alerted to this? I like that show. No? And what was it, a segment on teen pregnancy?

45:53🔗 Drew I did it so long. I did it during the summer.

45:56🔗 Adam And was it just one segment of the hour show? You don't know anything, do you? And you'll never see it. And you don't have it on tape. And nobody cares. I don't know. You kill yourself during the break. I'm going to finish the rest of the show.

46:06🔗 Drew Oh, if you were on Dateline, you'd be interested?

46:09🔗 Adam If I was?

46:11🔗 Drew Oh, we'd be talking about it all night here, I guess.

46:12🔗 Adam I would?

46:13🔗 Drew God knows they'd talk about it at the morning show.

46:16🔗 Adam All right, we'll take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we're going to talk to Todd. Todd is 33. He's got a fetish with women's panties. Takes them from laundry mats and jerks off in them. We'll be back after this. Over there, we are going to hop back onto the phones, and we'll speak to our young Todd. Todd's not so young. Actually, he's 33, and he's stealing underpants from laundry mats, and taking them, and soiling them in a very unique way, Todd.

47:01🔗 Drew Todd, you there?

47:03🔗 Adam Caller goes by the name of Todd, who soils underpants.

47:08🔗 Drew He either sleep or lost them.

47:11🔗 Adam Yeah. Let me tell you something, Drew. I never got into any of that weird stuff.

47:15🔗 Drew Thank goodness.

47:16🔗 Adam I had underpants and all that, high heels and dressing up and sniffing shoes, and that's just, I don't know what that is. That's a weird thing to me. Like to me, I'm there for the event. Do you know what I mean?

47:32🔗 Drew So are they.

47:33🔗 Adam Yeah, but I'm not there to sniff panties and look at shoes.

47:36🔗 Drew Yeah, but that's...

47:37🔗 Adam I either get a BJ or forget it.

47:38🔗 Drew You just want, well, you're there for the release, right? But that's how these guys get that.

47:43🔗 Adam Yeah, I know, but what's up with that? You know, these guys that are like stealing shoes and going through panty drawers.

47:49🔗 Drew Well, as you often said, it doesn't usually exist in a vacuum, that kind of thing.

47:53🔗 Adam It's a whole weird lifestyle.

47:54🔗 Drew There's a whole picture, a whole thing that goes with that.

47:57🔗 Adam Brian.

48:00🔗 Drew Brian?

48:00🔗 Yeah.

48:01🔗 Adam You're 15, what's up?

48:02🔗 Caller Okay, I seem to be attracted to girls that are six or seven years younger than me.

48:07🔗 Drew And you're how old? You're how old?

48:10🔗 Adam Drew, trying to...

48:12🔗 Drew You stepped on him at that time.

48:13🔗 Adam Yeah, telling you not to step on him. Drew just says 15, you know he's 15.

48:17🔗 Drew Okay.

48:18🔗 Adam So you like girls that are nine?

48:20🔗 Caller Yeah.

48:21🔗 Adam Yeah, that's no problem. I mean, there's plenty of 36-year-old guys who want to date a 30-year-old woman.

48:27🔗 Drew No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Now, did something happen to you when you were 9 or 8, 10?

48:31🔗 Caller No, no, nothing like that.

48:33🔗 Drew Is this, do you have some sort of, any sense of longing to get back to your childhood for some reason or?

48:41🔗 Caller I don't think so, nothing like that.

48:43🔗 Drew Do you act on these impulses?

48:45🔗 Caller I don't.

48:46🔗 Drew All right, you know better than to do that.

48:48🔗 Caller Yeah.

48:48🔗 Drew You contain that, yes?

48:49🔗 Caller Yeah, I want to.

48:50🔗 Adam What do you mean when you say attracted to a nine-year-old girl?

48:55🔗 Caller I imagine them. Like, I imagine them doing stuff to me.

49:00🔗 Drew And that makes you sexually aroused?

49:01🔗 Caller Yes.

49:01🔗 Caller This guy is sick.

49:02🔗 Drew And you're going to be able to contain those impulses?

49:05🔗 Caller Yes.

49:06🔗 Drew You understand that those are not things you're possibly going to do?

49:10🔗 Caller No, I won't do anything like that.

49:12🔗 Adam Yeah. Boy, that is not the greatest thought.

49:16🔗 Caller No.

49:17🔗 Adam Are you sure you don't want to think about just F-ing your own mom or something like that?

49:21🔗 Caller No, that's disgusting.

49:23🔗 Adam I see. I'd rather you think about F-ing your mom, to tell you the truth. Wouldn't you, Drew, as a parent?

49:29🔗 Caller Yeah.

49:31🔗 Adam Drew's a doctor and he suggests you fantasize about F-ing your mom.

49:34🔗 Drew No, I didn't say that.

49:35🔗 Adam Well, that's what I heard and the rest of us heard it too.

49:38🔗 Yeah, yeah.

49:39🔗 Adam Mommy.

49:40🔗 Drew Now, let's get somebody to write some letters about that.

49:42🔗 Adam Brian? Yeah. So, where does this come from?

49:47🔗 Caller That's what I'm trying to figure out.

49:48🔗 Adam You have any younger sisters?

49:50🔗 Caller I do.

49:52🔗 Adam How old are they? Okay, you got to kill yourself, okay?

49:56🔗 Drew There are two of them that are twelve?

49:57🔗 Caller No, one.

49:58🔗 Adam One.

49:58🔗 Drew How about the other one?

49:59🔗 Caller I don't have another one.

50:01🔗 Drew They're twelve?

50:02🔗 Caller Yeah.

50:02🔗 Adam Okay. I got younger sisters?

50:04🔗 Drew Yeah.

50:05🔗 Adam They're twelve? Well, I guess he kind of committed to the plural when he said sisters. So, I had to keep it going. I said, Brian?

50:12🔗 Caller Yeah.

50:14🔗 Adam And, do you have any feelings, I don't mean about her sexually, but I mean, I don't know, when she came on to the scene, you were three years old, was she getting a lot of attention? Did she have an illness?

50:27🔗 Caller Yeah, a lot of attention. A lot of attention at that point.

50:33🔗 Adam When she was born?

50:34🔗 Caller Yeah, and still.

50:35🔗 Adam And still?

50:36🔗 Caller Yeah.

50:37🔗 Adam And did she ever have any kind of disability or problem or illness or anything? Just a lot of attention.

50:43🔗 Caller Yeah.

50:44🔗 Adam Interesting.

50:46🔗 Drew What's your feeling about that?

50:47🔗 Adam What are you going? My vibe, I'm just killing time, really, so we can go home. Is it 12 yet? My vibe is, see, you know what guys do, most guys, but especially like teenage guys, they like, they will sexualize.

51:04🔗 Drew Yeah, a lot of things.

51:05🔗 Adam A lot of things, a lot of stuff turns sexual.

51:09🔗 Drew I'll give you that.

51:09🔗 Adam And things that anger them sometimes will turn. Now, what I mean is, is if there's some neighbor that's a pain in the ass and shutting them down or abusing them or whatever, if it's a girl, they'll think about screwing her. It's the way things get converted. It's like there's some boss that's running a guy around the office and busting his balls every minute and criticizing him. The guy's fantasy is to have her bent over the desk and really give her a good working. It's kind of like stabbing someone with your penis. At least that's the way I look at sex.

51:46🔗 Drew I know, yeah, I understand.

51:47🔗 Adam So he was three, he was the belle of the ball, the apple of everyone's eye, and then all of a sudden this infant comes in and they start showering all the attention on this young girl.

52:00🔗 Drew I understand, so he's still converted that aggression into focusing on younger girls.

52:05🔗 Adam I'm going with it. It's a theory.

52:06🔗 Drew We don't hear that very much, do we, though?

52:08🔗 Adam No, this is the Adam Theory.

52:09🔗 Drew Yeah, exactly.

52:11🔗 Adam I've worked this out.

52:12🔗 Drew All right, well.

52:13🔗 Adam Yeah, I'm with it, though. I think it's pretty good.

52:15🔗 Drew If he remains preoccupied with that age or younger, he's got to like seek some help.

52:19🔗 Adam Yes. All right. Jesse?

52:21🔗 Caller Yeah?

52:23🔗 Adam What's up?

52:25🔗 Caller Okay, I'm 15 to start off, and I am like totally afraid to have sex.

52:30🔗 Adam What's going on in the background there? Is it a bingo game? What is that?

52:33🔗 Caller A date line.

52:35🔗 Adam Oh, really?

52:35🔗 Caller Yeah, and I got to give you props on that.

52:37🔗 Adam Is Drew on now?

52:39🔗 Caller No, he was on like half an hour ago.

52:40🔗 Adam How was he?

52:41🔗 Caller He was good. I got to give him props for that because, I mean, I would never be able to, I don't know.

52:47🔗 Adam You'd never be able to give advice to teenagers?

52:49🔗 Caller Probably not.

52:50🔗 Adam I see.

52:50🔗 Caller I mean, I give advice to my friends, but I mean.

52:52🔗 Adam You don't think you'd be able to do it like that same front of the cameras for a living?

52:55🔗 No.

52:56🔗 Adam Well, what's career option number two?

52:59🔗 Caller For me? Yeah.

53:01🔗 Adam You cannot be a media doctor. What are you going to do now?

53:04🔗 Caller No. I want to go to college and major in creative writing and be a writer.

53:09🔗 Adam I see. You don't need to go to college for that.

53:12🔗 Caller I don't know. Just to get proper English. I'm not good in English.

53:16🔗 Adam Hey, Jessie.

53:17🔗 Drew Not bad for 15 compared to our usual college.

53:19🔗 Adam Let me give you a command in English. Shut that goddamn TV off.

53:23🔗 Caller Okay.

53:23🔗 Adam Thank you.

53:24🔗 Drew Thank you.

53:26🔗 Adam All right. So someone else saw Dr. Drew on Dateline.

53:30🔗 Caller Yeah.

53:31🔗 Caller I was listening to that.

53:32🔗 Caller I almost started laughing about it.

53:34🔗 Adam All right. So what's your question?

53:36🔗 Caller I am like totally afraid to have sex.

53:38🔗 Adam Good girl. Good girl.

53:40🔗 Caller No, I mean, because I know I want to.

53:42🔗 Adam No, you don't.

53:42🔗 Drew No, no. You're afraid. Good.

53:44🔗 Adam Good.

53:44🔗 Drew What did your parents do to instill that healthy impulse in you?

53:48🔗 Caller Like, I mean, I'll get like...

53:49🔗 Drew Taking notes right now.

53:50🔗 Caller I'll get like down there, you know, with them, and then I'll just be like, I'll just like back up and go like scared and stuff.

53:56🔗 Drew By down there, you mean like you're about to engage in oral sex with him or what?

54:00🔗 Caller No, I mean, just like straight up.

54:02🔗 Drew Now you're 15. This is a protective impulse. This is... Listen, I did another radio show. We were talking about early onset puberty.

54:10🔗 Adam Hold on. What radio show are you doing over the weekend?

54:13🔗 Drew I did an NPR thing on Friday.

54:14🔗 Adam Really?

54:15🔗 Drew Yeah, but listen.

54:16🔗 Adam I did that once. There's a lot of angry lesbians over there. They really attacked me.

54:20🔗 Drew Well, listen, we did a panel where we were discussing the causes of early puberty. Apparently, puberty has come out in like an eight now in women and girls.

54:26🔗 Adam I was having this discussion with my buddy, the Wheeze today.

54:29🔗 Drew Oh, that's a discussion I would love to have been involved with. You and Wheeze talking about puberty in eight-year-olds.

54:36🔗 Adam As we were going by the taxidermy shop in Burbank looking for an animal head to put up in my house, we had a question about puberty.

54:44🔗 Drew We'll come back to this.

54:46🔗 Adam We've got to get in on it.

54:47🔗 Drew Jesse, we'll be back in a sec.

54:48🔗 Adam Alright, and we'll talk about why puberty is setting in at eight after this. Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there, phone number.

55:05🔗 Drew You were kind of taking the position there.

55:08🔗 Adam Taking a gas position.

55:10🔗 Drew Thought we were having a welcome back.

55:12🔗 Adam Welcome back, Anus. Welcome back, Fart-er. Did you see that sitcom from the seventies? Welcome back. Anderson hates that fart talk. I love it. I don't know if I've farted much in the new year. One of my resolutions was to double down on the farting in the new year. I was trying to think of a new year's resolution earlier today, and I thought, let's not bite off more than we can chew. The Carollas aren't famous for challenges. I thought, let's not do anything and disappoint ourselves by not being able to do it, by falling off the wagon sometime in March.

55:57🔗 Adam So, what I do each year is I try to come up with sort of vague in general. Very vague, very-

56:03🔗 Drew I want to be a better person?

56:04🔗 Adam Yeah, stuff like that.

56:06🔗 Drew Having me days?

56:07🔗 Adam Stuff, well, I do take too many me days as it is.

56:11🔗 Drew Most days are me day with you, I suppose.

56:12🔗 Adam You know what my thing was? Drink more water. First off, it's great because it cannot be measured. There's nobody can accuse me of drinking less water. You know, 96 was a good water year for you, you know, in 89 was what we call a drought for you.

56:34🔗 Drew So you cannot disappoint.

56:35🔗 Adam No, I can't disappoint myself. And it's sort of a general thing, I don't have too much pressure. I'm going to try to drink a little more water.

56:42🔗 Drew Good joy.

56:43🔗 Adam And get to the bottom of why I heave in the morning now and not at night anymore.

56:48🔗 Drew Now we were going to talk about early onset puberty, right?

56:50🔗 Adam Yeah.

56:51🔗 Drew Oh yeah, yeah. So it turns out that in this country, in Western countries, the age of onset of puberty is going down to eight.

56:58🔗 Adam No, it is not.

56:58🔗 Drew Eight. However, here's what the press, remember that I was quoted in Time Magazine about this and stuff?

57:05🔗 Adam Yes.

57:05🔗 Drew Yeah, here's what Time Magazine totally missed, and I thought this was genius once I got this all clarified. The age at which puberty, excuse me, the age at which periods are starting has not changed in the last 50 years.

57:17🔗 Adam It hasn't.

57:18🔗 Drew So it's the early onset features, which is breast development and pubic hair, that has suddenly dropped down, which is actually not generated by sex hormones. It's generated from the adrenal glands.

57:30🔗 Adam Right.

57:30🔗 Drew So it has nothing to do with your gonads.

57:33🔗 Adam I see.

57:34🔗 Drew So it's not about sexuality. It may even be about adrenal function and weight excess, obesity.

57:40🔗 Adam Is this for women?

57:41🔗 Drew Yes.

57:41🔗 Adam And for men or just for women?

57:43🔗 Drew Both, but predominantly women.

57:45🔗 Adam I see. So what you're saying is, is the sexual characteristics are beginning, the breasts and the pubic hair and the lip gloss.

57:55🔗 Drew Right.

57:55🔗 Adam And the high heels, but not the actual physiological ability to have children.

58:03🔗 Drew The menarche hasn't changed.

58:05🔗 Adam I see.

58:05🔗 Drew It's changed over 500 years, but it hasn't changed recently.

58:09🔗 Adam I see. Now, what do they attribute that to?

58:11🔗 Drew Remember all the talk in Time Magazine about, oh, it's estrogens in the milk and stuff?

58:16🔗 Adam Yeah, hormones in the beef, right.

58:17🔗 Drew Guess what? Has nothing to do with those hormones.

58:19🔗 Adam What does it have to do with?

58:20🔗 Drew With excess body fat, obesity, which we got a rash of. I don't know if you watched the Rose Parade last weekend, but you got a little look at what's going on with young people that way.

58:30🔗 Adam Well, hold on a second. You get a little obesity and you're going to get pubic hair at an earlier age?

58:35🔗 Drew Pubic hair at an earlier age? Yes.

58:37🔗 Adam Why?

58:38🔗 Drew The conversion of those adrenal hormones by the adipose tissue to hormones that will cause it.

58:44🔗 Adam Yeah, there's a lot of fat kids.

58:45🔗 Drew Yeah.

58:46🔗 Adam It's a little too much Nintendo and not enough... We used to play a game called Ditch. You want to burn some calories? That's how you...

58:55🔗 Drew Or break a leg, too.

58:56🔗 Adam Play Ditch. We would go into an abandoned junior high school yard, some place that was about 30 acres, and it'd be like, all right, Ray, you're it. The other five of you have a minute to run, and you just start running. And on foot, the guy who was looking for you would just run through the school.

59:16🔗 Drew And there was a safe place they could run back to. Right.

59:20🔗 Adam And he would spot you like a quarter mile away and just start chasing you. And the guys would just start chasing you for miles, running through the halls, the corridors, get up on the roof, running across the roof, you know. Now everyone sits home and tries to be Lord Dungeon Keeper and things like that. Their brains are strong, but the bodies are weak.

59:40🔗 Drew Yeah. And so it's interesting. But why do we bring this up? We're talking to Jessie about something.

59:48🔗 Adam All right. Well, let's just keep going. Clearly, you and I are a little off our game. We got to get back into this job.

59:54🔗 Drew Oh, we're in the radio?

59:55🔗 Adam We've been off for a week. Yeah.

59:58🔗 Caller Yeah.

59:58🔗 Adam So you're 15 and you're afraid of having sex. And that's good. Well, I mean, you got a boyfriend?

1:00:05🔗 Caller No. I mean, I think I was thinking about it. I think maybe it's because I've never had like an actual relationship with a guy.

1:00:12🔗 Drew No, no. I know why I brought up the early puberty thing. It is because I was going to make the comment that our brains do not develop as fast as our bodies do. And your brain development, in terms of your capacity to emotionally and cognitively handle a relationship and handle sexuality, really doesn't come into full maturity until about the age of 19. And what one of these guys made that I was on the radio with, which is what I was going to say, is that really the natural state of the human being is more akin to, say, like a way a ballet dancer lives. Restricted diet, very physical. And in that population, you see the puberty, the menarchy, the menses begin around 19.

1:00:51🔗 Adam Right.

1:00:52🔗 Drew And that, in fact, in nature, we would be sort of restricted on our calories, we'd be extremely physically active, and in that situation, our periods wouldn't begin until much, much, much later.

1:01:01🔗 Adam All right. I mean, not a ballet dancer, but just some guy living in a wood hut, having to chase prey around and living in some nomadic tribe.

1:01:09🔗 Drew Exactly. Precisely.

1:01:10🔗 Adam All right.

1:01:12🔗 Drew So, Jesse, we... Trust your instincts, please. Please understand there's some protective stuff going on.

1:01:18🔗 Adam You're getting pretty heady here, Drew.

1:01:20🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:01:20🔗 Adam All I'm saying is there's going to be trouble because we were driving through the lovely city of Burbank today, me and the Wheeze. And what started this conversation is there was a couple of teenage chicks walking down the street who could not have been older than 12 and who were built like brick ass houses. The Wheeze want to turn the corner. I said, keep going. Keep going, brother. Put the flask away. He's got this move where he puts a rollo on his penis and sticks it out of the car window. Try to get him to come closer. Once you get him into the car, it's a done deal.

1:01:52🔗 Drew Remember that experience with the prostitutes in New York?

1:01:56🔗 Adam Let me tell you how stupid Drew is. Some people like to call it sheltered and naive. I prefer stupid because it's more insulting.

1:02:03🔗 Drew That was lame. How about lame? That brings it all in focus.

1:02:07🔗 Adam Lame is good because you can be smart and lame.

1:02:09🔗 Drew I am lame. This was a great example of that.

1:02:12🔗 Adam When Drew and I were in New York and we were broadcasting from Westwood 1 in Manhattan, because of the time difference, we were broadcasting from 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. New York time. The hotel was close to the studio and like everyone else in Manhattan, you just walk everywhere and I think it was after the radio show and it was about 3.15 in the evening on a weeknight.

1:02:39🔗 Drew In the morning.

1:02:40🔗 Adam On the morning on a weeknight and Drew and I were crossing the street.

1:02:44🔗 Drew It was Broadway, right? It was Broadway.

1:02:46🔗 Adam Yeah. It was Broadway and it was freezing cold and we were heading back to the hotel and there was a minivan filled with six black chicks. It looked like Eartha Kitt basically had false eyelashes on the false eyelashes to give them an extra 3.15 inch extension, you know, feather boas and I mean they really looked like males in drag.

1:03:13🔗 Drew Not that bad.

1:03:14🔗 Adam They really did. They're really out of control. They looked a lot like, if anyone saw the movie Tommy, they looked like what Tina Turner looked like as the gypsy acid queen and they're in a minivan and they yelled at us as we're crossing the street, hey boys, come on.

1:03:30🔗 Drew No, no, no. It was like help. We need to, it was something to help.

1:03:32🔗 Adam No, it wasn't help. No, see, that's what makes you a retard because hay sailor gets translated into help of rupture to kidney. Do you see what I'm saying?

1:03:45🔗 Drew There was some distress.

1:03:46🔗 Adam No, it was not distress. It was, hey boys, over here. No. Yes. Now, listen to me. How dare you question my memory.

1:03:54🔗 Drew Tell the story as you please.

1:03:55🔗 Adam It was not hay sailor want to date, but it wasn't I'm injured. It was to get our attention and get us over to the van. It was, it was, hey boys, you know, over here or come here. Or something to that. Now you heard because of you have low self-esteem, help me. But that wasn't what they were saying. They were saying, come here. And Drew just immediately peeled off from the intersection and started heading for the van. And I grabbed Drew's arm and said, keep walking, Drew. And he's like, those young ladies are in need of assistance. I said, those are 40 year old coke whores. Do you understand? You're going to get rolled if you go to that van. And I was like, oh, and true is like, huh? And I said, just listen, keep walking. I'll explain as we walk.

1:04:49🔗 Drew Oh, man, did I feel like an idiot.

1:04:51🔗 Adam True, you were like, you were like.

1:04:52🔗 Drew But I'm seriously, now, let me just, in my own defense, I heard like some sort of, like, distress thing going on.

1:04:59🔗 Adam That is not, that is not, that does not defend you. It makes you more psychotic.

1:05:03🔗 Drew Makes you more lame. Absolutely. Yeah.

1:05:05🔗 Adam I will go to someone's aid just as fast as anybody else, and I heard no distress from them. I heard, come here. And why would it be distress? There was a bunch of whores in a minivan.

1:05:16🔗 Drew I didn't, I didn't, I don't know. Well, back to the point.

1:05:19🔗 Adam Your mind, your mind converted it. Giovanni?

1:05:24🔗 Guest Yes.

1:05:24🔗 Adam You're 27?

1:05:25🔗 Guest Yes.

1:05:26🔗 Adam You're still a virgin?

1:05:27🔗 Yes.

1:05:28🔗 Adam What's up with you?

1:05:29🔗 Guest I don't know. When, believe it or not, I'm a GQ fashion model. I've been in every GQ magazine for the last five years.

1:05:37🔗 Drew You're gay.

1:05:38🔗 Adam You've jacked off on all of them?

1:05:41🔗 Guest Come on, man.

1:05:42🔗 Adam You've been in them, really?

1:05:44🔗 Guest Yes.

1:05:45🔗 Adam What do you model?

1:05:46🔗 Guest Huh?

1:05:47🔗 Adam What do you model?

1:05:49🔗 Guest Suits, various types of clothing.

1:05:51🔗 Drew They're what?

1:05:51🔗 Guest Everything they ask me to do.

1:05:53🔗 Adam You do clothing. You make your living as a model.

1:05:56🔗 Guest Yes.

1:05:57🔗 Adam And where do you live now? Where are you calling from?

1:06:00🔗 Guest Right now I'm calling from Orange County. I see.

1:06:02🔗 Adam I have a condo down there. I see. And that's all you do for a living as a model?

1:06:06🔗 Guest Yes.

1:06:07🔗 Adam So women find you attractive?

1:06:09🔗 Guest Very much so, yes.

1:06:10🔗 Adam What are you doing now? You're assembling a swing set in your backyard as you talk to us? What the hell is going on? Yeah?

1:06:18🔗 Guest Yeah.

1:06:20🔗 Drew In a monsoon?

1:06:21🔗 Guest Huh?

1:06:21🔗 Drew In a monsoon?

1:06:22🔗 Guest No. My next door neighbor's trash was rolling down the street and I was attempting to collect it.

1:06:27🔗 Adam Alright. Please. Sit down and relax, would you?

1:06:30🔗 Guest Alright.

1:06:30🔗 Adam Do not recycle while you're talking to us.

1:06:35🔗 Drew Where in Orange County are you? You smoke a little cigarette or weed or something?

1:06:38🔗 Guest What was that?

1:06:38🔗 Drew What is that? You smoke a lot of cigarettes?

1:06:41🔗 Guest No.

1:06:41🔗 Drew Weed?

1:06:42🔗 Guest No. I've had a cold.

1:06:43🔗 Adam Alright. I believe you. No virgins smoke cigarettes.

1:06:47🔗 Guest Right.

1:06:48🔗 Adam They don't allow you to smoke. They smell your penis before you buy your first pack of cigarettes. He's got a cold.

1:06:54🔗 Drew Do you have asthma?

1:06:56🔗 Guest No. I've just had a cold. I just came back from Italy about two weeks ago and I caught a cold with the climate change.

1:07:03🔗 Drew Where do you live in Orange County?

1:07:07🔗 Guest Laguna Beach.

1:07:08🔗 Adam Alright. That's Drew's old stomping ground.

1:07:11🔗 Guest Is it really?

1:07:12🔗 Adam Yeah. And here's the irony.

1:07:14🔗 Guest You ever surf rock pile?

1:07:16🔗 Adam No.

1:07:16🔗 Drew I used to go more south of there.

1:07:18🔗 Guest Oh, okay.

1:07:19🔗 Adam Alright. You guys done with your day?

1:07:21🔗 Drew I used to do a lot of lifeguarding. Anyway, so...

1:07:23🔗 Adam Drew was never a model yet got tons and tons of tail because he's a very passionate man. Ironically, Giovanni is a model and gets no ass. Now, you don't try, obviously.

1:07:35🔗 Drew Are you a void?

1:07:36🔗 Adam What do you do? As a model who has been in GQ magazine numerous times, women must approach you.

1:07:45🔗 Guest They do.

1:07:45🔗 Adam They do. And are you not attracted to them or are you scared of them?

1:07:50🔗 Guest I guess I can say I'm scared.

1:07:52🔗 Adam And do you think you may be gay?

1:07:55🔗 Guest No, not at all.

1:07:56🔗 Adam Why not?

1:07:57🔗 Guest Because I'm not attracted to my own sex.

1:07:59🔗 Adam You're not?

1:08:00🔗 Guest No.

1:08:00🔗 Adam And you ever masturbate while looking in the mirror? No. I'll try that one. It looks like the seam is coming at you.

1:08:11🔗 Drew That's the thing.

1:08:12🔗 Adam You jump out of the way, it's great.

1:08:13🔗 Guest Do you like that 3D effect?

1:08:14🔗 Adam Yes.

1:08:14🔗 Drew Giovanni, give us a direction here. What sort of is the issue for you?

1:08:20🔗 Guest I don't know. I guess I've had some bad experiences with women when I was younger.

1:08:24🔗 Drew Like what happened?

1:08:25🔗 Guest And I don't trust them.

1:08:26🔗 Drew What happened?

1:08:29🔗 Guest Just been played before.

1:08:32🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:08:32🔗 Guest On rebound sort of.

1:08:34🔗 Adam No.

1:08:35🔗 Drew So does every guy.

1:08:36🔗 Adam So does everybody. And by the way, bad experiences with women makes you want to hump more women.

1:08:42🔗 Guest Right.

1:08:43🔗 Adam That's the way in a heterosexual male's mind, that's what that translated. That's how that translates. Like women go through a breakup and they're like, you know, they're like, I just need, I just, I'm not up for it right now. I got to take, guys are like, I'm going out raping. This is great.

1:09:00🔗 Guest Come on.

1:09:01🔗 Adam Let's go.

1:09:02🔗 Guest Yeah.

1:09:02🔗 Adam Get that, get that some roofies and some handcuffs. Let's go out.

1:09:06🔗 Guest Well, my face is all too familiar for that.

1:09:09🔗 Adam I see. I see.

1:09:11🔗 Drew Are you afraid?

1:09:11🔗 Adam Too well known to rape.

1:09:13🔗 Guest I see.

1:09:13🔗 Adam That's my problem.

1:09:14🔗 Drew Are you afraid your career is going to be jeopardized?

1:09:16🔗 Adam No, he's not. There's something up with him. Where's your mother? Uh-huh. What's up with your mom?

1:09:23🔗 Guest She's in Los Angeles right now.

1:09:24🔗 Adam Yeah. Do you like her?

1:09:27🔗 Guest Actually, I think that's where the dysfunction comes in.

1:09:30🔗 Drew How many husbands does she have?

1:09:32🔗 Guest Two.

1:09:32🔗 Adam You have some issues with your mom?

1:09:37🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:09:37🔗 Adam Yeah. What are those issues?

1:09:41🔗 Guest I guess she's tried to control me a little bit.

1:09:46🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:09:47🔗 Guest Tried to maybe dominate a little bit.

1:09:51🔗 Adam Yeah. So you're kind of freaked out by women more than you are.

1:09:55🔗 Guest You know, I don't want to be controlled or I don't want to be dominated and I don't want to have my life planned out for me.

1:10:01🔗 Adam Yeah. That's bad. How about banging a whore once in a while? What about it?

1:10:08🔗 Guest I'm afraid of disease, man.

1:10:09🔗 Adam I see. All right. So, Giovanni, how about using some of that model money and putting it toward a little therapy?

1:10:18🔗 Guest How do you think that would help?

1:10:19🔗 Adam Well, first off, it couldn't hurt. Secondly, if you're 27 years old, what a waste of penis, by the way. If I was ever in GQ, I would take that, I would Xerox it, I would put it all over the side of my car and I would drive through town with a bullhorn. Ladies, come and get it.

1:10:37🔗 Drew Here's the deal with therapy is it would allow you to have a relationship and to find out what it is that's keeping you from having a real relationship with someone outside of a therapeutic contact.

1:10:47🔗 Adam Okay, go to a female therapist and have a relationship. Hump her, if you can. Is that what you're saying, Drew?

1:10:55🔗 Caller No.

1:10:55🔗 Adam Have sex with the therapist?

1:10:56🔗 Caller No.

1:10:57🔗 Adam No. Oh, just oral?

1:10:58🔗 Drew But to get close, to have a closeness and see what that evokes in you and to work that through.

1:11:04🔗 Adam Go to a female therapist and talk about your mom.

1:11:06🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:11:07🔗 Adam You'll work it out. You'll be humping in no time.

1:11:09🔗 Drew You ever seen a female therapist, Adam?

1:11:10🔗 Adam Have I?

1:11:11🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:11:11🔗 Adam Have I seen one?

1:11:12🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:11:13🔗 Adam I saw one on TV.

1:11:14🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:11:15🔗 Adam You mean if I actually been to one?

1:11:16🔗 Drew Paid one for a series of sessions. Yeah.

1:11:19🔗 Adam I actually have been. How dare you? First off and secondly, how dare you?

1:11:24🔗 Drew Yes, that's my question.

1:11:25🔗 Adam I have been in my life to two female therapists.

1:11:31🔗 Drew What was the longest? One was in a group therapy thing, right?

1:11:34🔗 Adam No, one was on own, but also there was some group in there, yes.

1:11:38🔗 Drew Yeah. What was the...

1:11:41🔗 Adam What are you talking about?

1:11:42🔗 Drew No, one was, yes, well, group therapy.

1:11:45🔗 Adam No, you said...

1:11:47🔗 Drew One was in a group therapy.

1:11:48🔗 Adam You said, no, I had seen her individually.

1:11:53🔗 Drew First.

1:11:55🔗 Adam And throughout.

1:11:57🔗 Drew And how long?

1:11:57🔗 Adam There was a group attached to that.

1:11:59🔗 Drew She's the one that recommended that you really hang in with therapy longer and you blew out.

1:12:03🔗 Adam Well, they all do.

1:12:06🔗 Drew No.

1:12:06🔗 Adam Listen, they all freak out on you when you leave them.

1:12:09🔗 Drew No.

1:12:10🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:12:10🔗 Drew No.

1:12:11🔗 Adam No, you're right, because I have left a few therapists in my bed.

1:12:14🔗 Drew Female therapists.

1:12:15🔗 Adam Well, I fake my own death.

1:12:16🔗 Drew Yeah, female therapists. Okay, let's go with the show.

1:12:20🔗 Adam First off, jackass, you just earned yourself a fart.

1:12:26🔗 Drew Weak.

1:12:27🔗 Adam Weak.

1:12:27🔗 Drew See that? Your body's telling you something.

1:12:28🔗 Adam I'm trying to warm up for the new year. My resolution is more gas, swallow more air, and eat more...

1:12:36🔗 Drew Pasta fazul.

1:12:37🔗 Adam Pasta fazul. But listen, I had a female therapist for years. Okay, Jack Hole, and then I had another female therapist, and now I have a male therapist. So I've had three therapists, two of them have been women. So how dare you?

1:12:52🔗 Drew Alright, just checking it out.

1:12:55🔗 Adam Thank you.

1:12:57🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:12:57🔗 Adam Year 23, what's up?

1:12:59🔗 Caller Okay, I've had mono twice.

1:13:03🔗 Drew What do you mean by that?

1:13:04🔗 Caller This is my second time having...

1:13:06🔗 Drew What does that mean, mono?

1:13:08🔗 Caller Mononucleosis.

1:13:09🔗 Drew What does that mean to you?

1:13:10🔗 Caller What does it mean to me?

1:13:11🔗 Drew How do you know that's what you've had?

1:13:13🔗 Caller Okay, I've gone to two different doctors. My gynecologist said I had it once without taking my blood, but she just assumed I had it.

1:13:20🔗 Drew All right, well, so that probably wasn't mono.

1:13:23🔗 Adam Yeah, that was probably AIDS.

1:13:24🔗 Drew It was probably sore throat, it was a virus, something.

1:13:26🔗 Caller Oh, really?

1:13:27🔗 Caller Okay.

1:13:28🔗 Caller That would explain why I think I have it twice. And this time, I actually went to a doctor and got my blood taken.

1:13:35🔗 Drew And you had a positive mono spot test?

1:13:38🔗 Caller It was the Epstein viral, I guess.

1:13:40🔗 Drew No, so you're having chronic fatigue, right?

1:13:45🔗 Caller He didn't say that, he said I had the Epstein viral.

1:13:47🔗 Drew Yeah, but you're not having fevers of 103 and sore throats and can't get out of bed, and that's what mono is. This Epstein bar issue.

1:13:55🔗 Adam Yeah, it's nonsense.

1:13:56🔗 Drew It may not be, it's nonsense in many cases. I would not rely on that diagnosis unless an infectious disease doctor gave you that one, but it's controversial and all you can say is that it sounds like you have something in the order of chronic fatigue. You don't feel good all the time, right?

1:14:13🔗 Caller I've spent like four months.

1:14:14🔗 Drew Yeah, you have chronic fatigue syndrome. Now whether or not that's associated with Epstein bar is a whole different issue.

1:14:19🔗 Adam Let me tell you what all you jokers have. It's called depression. You're not happy, you don't feel good, and you don't have any energy. And that's the first thing that goes when you're depressed.

1:14:29🔗 Drew This is because Adam had this.

1:14:30🔗 Adam It's hard to get out of bed when your job sucks.

1:14:34🔗 Caller Yeah, that's true.

1:14:35🔗 Adam All right, now, magically, if you got a job as a buyer for some big department store chain, you'd pop out of bed. If you got your dream job, what is your dream job?

1:14:51🔗 Caller Acting.

1:14:52🔗 Adam All right, if you got a part in a big, big, big budget movie, you and Jim Carrey, you think you have trouble getting out of bed?

1:14:59🔗 Caller No, I don't have trouble getting out of bed.

1:15:01🔗 Adam Well, I mean, you have trouble, you think you'd have trouble with the energy?

1:15:05🔗 Caller No, it's weird.

1:15:07🔗 Caller I feel like fine, right? But then, like, I can't do the things I used to be able to do. Like, I can't party all night.

1:15:14🔗 Caller All right.

1:15:14🔗 Caller And my glands are all swollen.

1:15:16🔗 Drew Yeah, you've got to, what did you party with? What drugs?

1:15:21🔗 Caller Just alcohol.

1:15:23🔗 Drew You have an alcoholic dad or mom? No.

1:15:26🔗 Caller I went to college and drank a lot.

1:15:28🔗 Adam How's the acting going?

1:15:30🔗 Caller I'm not really pursuing it.

1:15:32🔗 Adam Why not?

1:15:33🔗 Caller Just because I think it's just full of BS.

1:15:36🔗 Adam But you're so gifted.

1:15:38🔗 Caller I know, but they couldn't see that.

1:15:41🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, we'll prove them wrong one day.

1:15:44🔗 Yeah.

1:15:45🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:15:45🔗 Adam The whole world will apologize.

1:15:48🔗 Drew This is life of Adam's leading.

1:15:50🔗 Adam One day. One day. One day. As the calendar pages blow away. One day. Hey, Aaron? You can't party. Maybe that's a good thing.

1:16:00🔗 Drew Are you taking any medicines at all?

1:16:02🔗 Caller I took, I think it's Daltrix.

1:16:06🔗 Drew Anti-viral. Anything else?

1:16:07🔗 Caller No.

1:16:08🔗 Drew Okay. You need to-

1:16:10🔗 Caller I took the wrong thing.

1:16:11🔗 Drew Well, you don't feel better, do you? No.

1:16:16🔗 Adam What should she do, Drew?

1:16:18🔗 Caller What?

1:16:19🔗 Drew I would, if you really believe that there's an infectious disease problem, you should see an infectious disease doctor and you should have a mental health evaluation to make sure that that's not part of the biology of what's going on here, if not the whole story.

1:16:31🔗 Adam What do you do for a living?

1:16:34🔗 Caller It's telemarketing, but it's not outbound.

1:16:37🔗 Adam You're miserable. You're miserable.

1:16:40🔗 Caller I am at my job, yeah.

1:16:41🔗 Adam You can't get out of bed.

1:16:43🔗 Caller Right.

1:16:44🔗 Adam Yeah. I know. Listen, I, everybody, I know, I've spent my whole life doing this. Here's the deal. I used to have to get up at 6.15 to go do construction. I couldn't get out of bed. But once in a while, I'd get up at 6.15 to go motorcycle riding. I got out of bed. No problem. No problem at all. What's the difference? One thing I wanted to do and the other thing I desperately didn't want to do. That is what energy is.

1:17:13🔗 Drew Remember your back pain?

1:17:14🔗 Adam What is? Yes, you have all kinds of neck and back problems. But if you think about it, what is energy? If you really just want to break it down. Do you know what I mean?

1:17:24🔗 Drew You mean the enthusiasm to do something.

1:17:28🔗 Adam Energy is a desire to do something or not do something. You want to do it, you'll do it. You don't want to do it, you're going to have a lot of difficulty in the energy department. So, if you're leading a life where you're doing something like telemarketing and you don't want to do it, it ain't going to happen. Alright, like Drew doing this radio show, it's difficulty. You can't get it up. We're going to take ourselves a little break when we come back and we'll speak to Bruce.

1:17:55🔗 Drew Speaking of getting it up.

1:17:56🔗 Adam Bruce can't keep it up. He wants to know how to fix this problem after this.

1:18:03🔗 Love Line will be right back, so get your problems ready.

1:18:08🔗 Adam Yep, it is Love Line. I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew over there, phone number 1-800-L-E-1-9-1.

1:18:16🔗 Drew We lost that caller. We have a different one there. You see that?

1:18:19🔗 Adam Yeah, we had a guy who had a little PP erection problem and now we have a circumcision problem. You want to just talk to him?

1:18:26🔗 Drew Sure.

1:18:29🔗 Adam I'm scanning the calls.

1:18:31🔗 Drew It's all similar.

1:18:32🔗 Adam It's all the same Johnson related questions.

1:18:35🔗 Drew Stuff that you hate.

1:18:36🔗 Adam That's what I love about this show. I sit here and talk about guys dorks for two hours. It's a great job. Then I go home and stare at my own.

1:18:42🔗 Drew Stare? You're getting better.

1:18:45🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:18:46🔗 Drew Or more lazy.

1:18:48🔗 Adam Yeah. Mike?

1:18:51🔗 Yeah.

1:18:52🔗 Adam You're 18. What's up?

1:18:54🔗 Caller Yeah, I was wondering. A couple of my friends, they're circumcised. I'm uncircumcised. My parents told me circumcised when I was born. My brothers are. And they tell me, well, my friends tell me that sex is just a lot better if you're circumcised.

1:19:10🔗 Drew Oh, please. They're just BSing you.

1:19:12🔗 Adam Why are they telling you that?

1:19:14🔗 Caller Well, I mean, I don't know, because I told them, the first time I had sex, I only had it twice. The first time I had sex, it took me an hour and a half and I didn't even come.

1:19:29🔗 Drew Well, that has nothing to do with your foreskin.

1:19:31🔗 Adam But why are your buddies telling you that sex is better?

1:19:36🔗 Caller I don't know, because, I mean, I talked to them, and their first time, they came in like five minutes.

1:19:41🔗 Drew Think about your loser dumb friends.

1:19:44🔗 Adam I know, but my loser dumb friends would want to say whatever it is, because I, whatever condition my penis was in was the worst way of doing it. They would be saying it's the better way of doing it.

1:19:55🔗 Drew No, his is the worst way, is what they're saying.

1:19:57🔗 Adam I thought they're saying...

1:19:59🔗 Drew They're better because they're circumcised.

1:20:01🔗 Adam Is that what they're saying?

1:20:02🔗 Caller Yeah, in a way, because, I mean, because I didn't come, and I didn't have all the...

1:20:06🔗 Drew Therefore...

1:20:07🔗 Adam It feels better.

1:20:08🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:20:09🔗 Adam I see. All right. Well, then, I apologize. I was mistaken. Because normally, the rap we hear is that it feels better when you're uncircumcised. And that's why I was confusing that, because we never hear it the other way around, do we, Drew?

1:20:24🔗 Drew No, but in fact, it's all such BS. It doesn't matter. It has nothing to do with delayed ejaculation, really, when you get right down to it.

1:20:30🔗 Adam You got what you got. Keep it clean, and don't worry about it.

1:20:34🔗 Drew And realize that the ejaculation, delayed ejaculation is either medication or anxiety, or just you. Some guys take a while, and as you get to sort of work it out with somebody, if you actually have a relationship, you could figure out what it is you need to do to shorten that time.

1:20:48🔗 Adam Right. You start dating a certain magazine for a number of months, like I did when I was 18.

1:20:54🔗 Drew And a toothbrush.

1:20:55🔗 Adam And an electric toothbrush. You form a relationship, and then you start to work out some consistency.

1:21:00🔗 Drew It was more of a partnership, wasn't it?

1:21:02🔗 Adam Yeah. I'm really... Well not only was that Frisky magazine my lover, she was my best friend. I really do believe that God works out the amount of time a guy's nuts are good for. At birth. At birth, and that's it.

1:21:17🔗 Drew It's part of the equation of...

1:21:18🔗 Adam He's got some kind of clock. And what he does is he sets 90% of guys' clocks at between 15 and 20 minutes, and then he sets...

1:21:30🔗 Drew You think it's that long even? I'm gonna try 12 to... We should use right numbers.

1:21:34🔗 Adam Come on, no crap on my point here.

1:21:36🔗 Drew Because guys are gonna listen to this and really try to measure themselves.

1:21:39🔗 Adam Okay, but here's the deal, Drew. When I say between 15 and 20 minutes, most guys who have sex for 12 minutes say it's between 15 and 20.

1:21:49🔗 Drew Yeah, I know.

1:21:50🔗 Adam But I don't think they're lying. That's what it feels like.

1:21:53🔗 Drew I understand that.

1:21:53🔗 Adam It's like dog years.

1:21:54🔗 Drew I understand that, but that's the point.

1:21:58🔗 Adam No, that's my point. I'm giving it a context for them. Do you understand? I'm doing the math for them. Most guys, the average intercourse encounter is probably 12 minutes.

1:22:13🔗 Drew Yeah, I think that's about right.

1:22:14🔗 Adam Okay. The average male that you interview who has a 12-minute intercourse encounter says 20 minutes.

1:22:22🔗 Guest Yeah.

1:22:22🔗 Adam And I believe he's charitably rounding up, but I don't think he's lying. 12 minutes feels like a half hour when you're going at it. It's like you ever jump rope for five minutes.

1:22:37🔗 Guest Right.

1:22:38🔗 Adam It feels like you've been jumping rope for half an hour.

1:22:40🔗 Drew This is three minutes in the ring.

1:22:41🔗 Adam Yes. Go box three minutes in a ring and see how long three minutes really is. Okay. So now my point is, is God sets the clock. 90% of the guys, they get 15 minutes. The 5% of the guys, they get two minutes. And 5% of the guys get an hour and a half. And that's the way it is. And that's your clock. And you can practice your yoga and you can rent your Sting videos and get in touch with your Chi. And you may add 30 seconds or cut 30 seconds, but that's about it.

1:23:15🔗 Drew You know, I had another cocktail party discussion about this tantric sex stuff. And again, old people, oh, it's the greatest thing. I have this friend, she swears by it. And then I question what she swears. I've never talked to anybody who actually got something unusual out of this. And I question more, well, she doesn't have sex. And I said, did she discover masturbation because of this? Yeah, well, maybe that's really what happened.

1:23:38🔗 Adam This isn't all. It's right up there with your biorhythms. And and all that chi BS and and the feng shui and all this other nonsense. It's weak minded people grasping for something in life other than reality. Here's reality. It's you get a hand dealt to you. That's going to dictate how tall you are, how strong you are, whether you go bald, whether you get fat and how long your nuts last when you're having sex. Don't ruin it. But there ain't a lot you can do with it. There you go, everybody. Enjoy. Thank you. Madigan?

1:24:15🔗 Guest Yes. I'm on INH. I was exposed to TB along the line and I was told to take INH as a preventative therapy.

1:24:22🔗 Adam You're 20 years old.

1:24:24🔗 Caller Yep.

1:24:25🔗 Adam What do you do for a living?

1:24:27🔗 Guest I'm a student right now.

1:24:28🔗 Adam How were you exposed? TB? Tuberculosis?

1:24:31🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:24:31🔗 Adam And?

1:24:32🔗 Drew He said what's called primary TB. When he takes a skin test, he turns positive. Yeah.

1:24:38🔗 Adam So somebody who had TB or was in contact with you, so you're positive for TB but you don't have the symptoms. Is that what that means?

1:24:47🔗 Drew If he were to go on chemotherapy or go on corticosteroids or be re-exposed to TB, then he'd get the real illness. So what you gotta do is take six months or four months of isonia or INH to eliminate that remnant primary TB.

1:25:03🔗 Adam So he will not have TB unless his immune system is weakened or unless he's re-exposed to it. Does everyone take two exposures to TB?

1:25:12🔗 Drew Yeah, essentially.

1:25:13🔗 Adam Really?

1:25:14🔗 Drew Yeah. Unless you have some immune problem, yeah.

1:25:16🔗 Adam So it's like the first one sets him up and primes the pump and then the second one mows him down.

1:25:21🔗 Drew Yep.

1:25:22🔗 Adam Interesting. I didn't know that. Are there other diseases that work that way? Not really. I don't hear about that too much. All right, so you get the first exposure, you prove positive with that, you don't have any symptoms, they put you on stuff that protect you from the second exposure.

1:25:37🔗 Drew Right. And then you're immune after that, essentially, for the most part.

1:25:40🔗 Adam Good times.

1:25:41🔗 Drew So what's your question?

1:25:42🔗 Guest My question was, I'm having my wisdom teeth out tomorrow and I'm going under anesthetic for the first time and I'll be getting Percocet for the first time. I wonder if there'll be any possible interactions.

1:25:51🔗 Drew Well, see, INH interacts with a lot of stuff, so you really got to talk to your doctor about it and make sure he understands the interactions.

1:25:58🔗 Guest Okay.

1:25:58🔗 Drew And Percocet is not one of the things you need to particularly be aware of, although are you getting liver tests regularly?

1:26:04🔗 Guest Yes.

1:26:04🔗 Drew Are you taking B6?

1:26:06🔗 Guest Yes.

1:26:06🔗 Drew Okay. So the Tylenol in the Percocet is kind of an issue, but you'll be on it just a couple of days.

1:26:12🔗 Adam Yeah. What's the difference between Percocet and Vicodin?

1:26:15🔗 Drew Percocet's a little stronger.

1:26:16🔗 Adam Really?

1:26:16🔗 Drew Yeah. Percocet's a triplicate. You can't just write a regular prescription for Percocet.

1:26:19🔗 Guest Thanks a lot.

1:26:20🔗 Drew Hey, listen. But one quick question. Adam was kind of going down this path, which is how did you get exposed?

1:26:26🔗 Guest I think it was probably from pot smokers.

1:26:28🔗 Drew Yeah. I was going to say, the way you get exposed, you got to work in jail, work in a hospital, or be a drug addict. That's how you get exposed.

1:26:35🔗 Adam What did the pot smokers do? Like coughing all over you or are you sharing a bong?

1:26:38🔗 Drew Well, they were also, some of them were shooting heroin or something.

1:26:40🔗 Guest No, there was a lot of pot smokers cough.

1:26:42🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:26:43🔗 Drew No, he didn't know it. They were doing other things than pot. He just wasn't aware of it.

1:26:46🔗 Adam All right.

1:26:47🔗 Drew There you go. Thanks a lot.

1:26:49🔗 Adam All right there, Manning. Yeah. Post-apartheid sets good, huh? You got to get it in triplicate?

1:26:54🔗 Drew Yeah. It can't get you that one.

1:26:56🔗 Adam Why not? What do you mean triplicate?

1:26:58🔗 Drew It's a very special release to fill out.

1:27:01🔗 Adam Oh, relax. It's not my rule. Let you do your job. Listen, I'll tell you, if I was a doctor, I'd be much less uptight than you are.

1:27:12🔗 Drew What the hell does that mean?

1:27:13🔗 Adam I'd be giving drugs out to my friends. No doubt you would.

1:27:15🔗 Drew No doubt.

1:27:16🔗 Adam I work it all out. Don't you hear about these guys? What about Elvis' doctor?

1:27:20🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:27:20🔗 Adam He got away with it. You're too uptight, Drew. Can you give me some of that Percocet? I'm going to try some of that. Jeff?

1:27:27🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:27:27🔗 Adam Jeff, you're 17. What's up?

1:27:29🔗 Caller Yeah. I'm having problems right now with my girlfriend. It feels like she's still seeing her ex-girlfriend. I guess kind of cheating on me.

1:27:37🔗 Drew Her ex-girlfriend?

1:27:38🔗 Caller Yeah. I picked the weird ones.

1:27:40🔗 Adam Yeah. So why does it feel that way to you?

1:27:43🔗 Caller Well, I mean, it's just like, well, it's obvious. I know her ex-girlfriend and I've talked to her before. You know, it's like we'll plan something to go out and I'll give her a call and she'll be with her ex-girlfriend. It's like...

1:27:56🔗 Adam Nice.

1:27:57🔗 Caller And then she doesn't want to talk about it.

1:27:58🔗 Guest Get two chicks in the same bed.

1:28:00🔗 Adam Do them.

1:28:01🔗 Drew Oh, nice.

1:28:02🔗 Adam Who was that?

1:28:03🔗 Drew That's Far City Blues. What's his name? Big guy.

1:28:06🔗 Adam Oh.

1:28:06🔗 Drew Ron.

1:28:07🔗 Adam That was Ron. Yeah. That's the guy who went down on a hooker. Hey, Jeff? Yeah. Yeah. She's a little chaotic. You know it.

1:28:15🔗 Drew Well, it's... Look, it's just... Substitute a boyfriend and every guy would go, oh yeah, I wouldn't tolerate that, you know, alone with her ex-boyfriend. No way. And, you know, you have a reason... It's reasonable that you should not want her to do that, that it be hurtful to you and that she would be respectful of your feelings. So, just on that basis alone, I got a problem with her.

1:28:35🔗 Adam How old is she, Jeff?

1:28:37🔗 Caller 19.

1:28:38🔗 Adam 19?

1:28:39🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:28:39🔗 Adam Score. You're in high school?

1:28:42🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:28:42🔗 Drew Natural bisexual.

1:28:43🔗 Adam Banging away with a 19-year-old bi-chic?

1:28:46🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:28:46🔗 Adam Yeah. It's pretty good. She must be a real mess.

1:28:49🔗 Caller Well, I'm not into the whole three-something in a relationship.

1:28:53🔗 Drew Yeah, we understand that part.

1:28:54🔗 Adam No, you know, I know, but she must be a handful. You know what this reminds me of? I don't know why, why everything gets translated into cars to me. It's like you're seeing some dude, it's like you meet some dude at the 7-Eleven and he's wearing a pair of bad jeans and bad shoes and stuff. And you go, what kind of car do you drive? And he goes, 928. And you go, you're driving a Porsche? Uh-huh. And then you close your eyes and you're picturing the version of that car. And you're going, well, probably got some miles on it.

1:29:23🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:29:23🔗 Adam It's probably burning a lot of oil. You know what I'm saying?

1:29:26🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:29:27🔗 Adam So when Jeff goes dating a 19 year old bi chick, and you go, whoa, whoa. And then you go, wait a minute.

1:29:33🔗 Drew It's not Claudia Schiffer.

1:29:34🔗 Adam Closing my eyes here and I'm picturing this chick. Jeff?

1:29:37🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:29:39🔗 Adam All right, listen, you're not going to marry her, are you?

1:29:42🔗 Drew No. Well.

1:29:43🔗 Adam Wait a minute, goofball. You gave a long pause before you said no. Here's how I want you to answer. Watch, watch Drew. I'll be Jeff. Ask me if I'm going to marry her.

1:29:52🔗 Drew You're going to marry her?

1:29:53🔗 Caller OK.

1:29:54🔗 Adam Let's try it again. Let's try it again. You ready?

1:29:56🔗 Drew Jeff, are you going to?

1:29:57🔗 Adam No!

1:29:58🔗 Drew Just a relief.

1:29:59🔗 Adam Are you? And you yell no. Let's try it again.

1:30:03🔗 Drew Jeff, are you thinking about marrying this chick? OK. Good. Very good.

1:30:07🔗 Caller But I really like her.

1:30:09🔗 Drew Yeah, I know. You're 17 and you're sucked into something here.

1:30:12🔗 Adam He's in a little overhead. You're going to save her, right?

1:30:16🔗 Drew Well, he's going to fuse with her.

1:30:17🔗 Adam She's chaotic. She's had some trouble in the past. You're going to take her away from all that?

1:30:22🔗 Caller No, that's not my goal. She makes me happy. And I really enjoy spending time with her.

1:30:27🔗 Adam What's she do for a living?

1:30:30🔗 Caller She's going into the Air Force.

1:30:33🔗 Adam She's going to have a good time there. She's going to earn her wings. Those wings are going to be on each side of her face.

1:30:39🔗 Drew Oh, boy.

1:30:40🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:30:41🔗 Drew Well, you know, please, Jeff, just don't get...

1:30:45🔗 Adam It's doomed. It's doomed. I'm sorry. I wish someone would give me a healthy dose of reality when I was 17.

1:30:51🔗 Drew She's behaving in a way that's disrespectful of your feelings. And that's not a good relationship to be in.

1:30:55🔗 Adam OK, but listen. Just that. She's going to the Air Force. She's 19. She's kicking around with her ex-girl. It's doomed. Doomed. It's not good. This is Hindenburg type doomed. Do you hear me? So here's what you do. Do not get her pregnant. Try to not go crazy.

1:31:13🔗 Drew And try to do it the time you do it.

1:31:15🔗 Adam So it will be other women. One day you'll be married to a beautiful woman with beautiful kids and you'll be thinking to yourself, what the hell was I doing? And thank God. Listen to me all you who are praying for things. Let me tell you about praying for things. There were times in my life I would have signed a deal with the devil for a $10 an hour job that would have lasted my entire life. Thank God I didn't. There were times when I would have signed a deal for the devil to drive a VW bug for the rest of my life if I could just get four wheels under my ass instead of a beat up motorcycle. Thank God I couldn't sign that deal. There were deals I would have signed with many girlfriends about not leaving me. Thank God I couldn't sign that deal. I would have been driving a VW bus, living with Stephanie Hunt in some dump and making $10 an hour.

1:32:08🔗 Drew You'd be happier.

1:32:09🔗 Adam Actually, right. Why didn't I sign? Why didn't I sign? Here's the deal. Now look at me. Literally a millionaire enjoying life every day. I wake up in the morning. You know what I do? I fling open the curtains and I pound my chest. I yell Abundanza!

1:32:27🔗 Caller Whatever.

1:32:28🔗 Adam That means abundance. I learned it from a frozen pizza commercial in 1974. All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break. Drew, do you really believe I do that with the curtains?

1:32:38🔗 Drew No. You don't have to have four windows. Here's the worse.

1:32:42🔗 Adam Here's the better reality. I roll out of bed. I pick up the phone. It's beeping, and I go, Oh, Christ, somebody called. And then I put the phone back down and go back to bed.

1:32:52🔗 Drew Oh, you masturbate and go back to bed.

1:32:54🔗 Adam Oh, I didn't say masturbate? I'm sorry. I meant masturbate, go back to bed. Masturbate, put down the phone, go back to bed. We'll be back. Yep, it's the Loveline. All right, let's hop on the phones. Tracy Lord is going to be in here a little bit later this week. She's, she's quite articulate.

1:33:19🔗 Drew Shawnee Smith from Becker Tomorrow Night?

1:33:21🔗 Adam Oh, yes. All our listeners are into that Becker. Steve?

1:33:26🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:33:27🔗 Adam You're 20?

1:33:28🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:33:28🔗 Adam You passed semen in your urine?

1:33:30🔗 Guest Yeah, I think so.

1:33:31🔗 Drew What do you mean you think so?

1:33:33🔗 Guest That's what it looks like.

1:33:34🔗 Drew Could it just be mucus or discharge?

1:33:37🔗 Adam How about when you hawk a loogie? Is that semen coming out of your mouth?

1:33:40🔗 Caller I don't think so.

1:33:41🔗 Drew Could it just be mucus or discharge?

1:33:43🔗 Caller I'm not sure.

1:33:45🔗 Adam Yeah, that's our point. You may have an infection. The last guy we talked to who was passing semen with his urine was just really passing pus. Semen is really pus with a little sperm sprinkled in.

1:33:58🔗 Drew Sometimes medication too, like cold medication, that kind of thing can trigger this.

1:34:03🔗 Adam You know how Thousand Island is really just kind of mayonnaise with a little ketchup in it?

1:34:08🔗 Drew Nice.

1:34:08🔗 Adam That's what semen is.

1:34:09🔗 Drew That's nice.

1:34:10🔗 Adam It's pus with a little bit of sperm sprinkled in.

1:34:13🔗 Drew Where is Anderson with that vomit sound?

1:34:17🔗 Guest There we go.

1:34:19🔗 Adam Spoke to David Allen Grier tonight, Ace.

1:34:21🔗 Drew Oh yeah? Yes.

1:34:23🔗 Adam He left a very long-winded funny and semi-insulting message on my answering machine. I'd love to play in the air.

1:34:29🔗 Drew What was the bottom line?

1:34:31🔗 Adam He yelled at me for yelling at him on his answering machine.

1:34:34🔗 Drew I see.

1:34:35🔗 How long have you been blind, deaf, and dumb? I can't take it, Adam.

1:34:39🔗 Adam How do we play a message from my answering machine on the air, Anderson? I saved it. We should do that.

1:34:43🔗 Drew Bring it in here, yeah.

1:34:44🔗 Adam How do I bring it in? I can't bring it in. It's on the message center.

1:34:47🔗 Drew Maybe he can call in right around.

1:34:49🔗 Tomorrow night, if you get here, within ten minutes of the show, we can call it up and I can put it on there.

1:34:53🔗 Drew That's asking a lot there, Anderson.

1:34:55🔗 Adam You're saying ten minutes before the show begins?

1:34:58🔗 Yeah, well, how about like two minutes?

1:35:02🔗 Adam I'm not going to commit to it, but all right, okay, all right. Let's just say hypothetically yes, I'll be here two minutes before the show begins.

1:35:07🔗 Drew Steve, do you want any medication at all?

1:35:08🔗 Caller No.

1:35:09🔗 Drew Nothing.

1:35:09🔗 Caller No.

1:35:10🔗 Drew You haven't taken anything over the counter, anything like that?

1:35:12🔗 Caller No.

1:35:13🔗 Drew I mean, there are circumstances where this can happen, but the first order of business is to make sure it isn't an infection.

1:35:18🔗 Adam Have you had sex with anyone weird?

1:35:20🔗 Caller No.

1:35:21🔗 Adam Are you wearing a condom?

1:35:22🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:35:25🔗 Drew All right.

1:35:26🔗 Adam How about going and getting yourself checked out?

1:35:28🔗 Drew All right. There you go.

1:35:30🔗 Adam Drew, what about... could he bring in a sample? Could he bring in a sample?

1:35:35🔗 Drew Yeah, a pee. Sure.

1:35:37🔗 Adam Yeah, just bring in a little whiz.

1:35:38🔗 Drew Absolutely.

1:35:39🔗 Adam All right. We'll do that. Danny?

1:35:42🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:35:42🔗 Adam You're 16.

1:35:43🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:35:43🔗 Adam What's up?

1:35:45🔗 Caller Just like last week, my teacher, we've always been kind of close like, and then like out of nowhere, she just kind of, she like kissed me after class. It's like really, I was like been, I was like really bothered by it. And like, I'm not sure like, what should I do? Cause she's like always been like a good friend to me.

1:36:03🔗 Drew What kind of kiss?

1:36:04🔗 Caller What?

1:36:04🔗 Drew What kind of kiss?

1:36:05🔗 Caller Yeah, a really deep one. And I just kind of pulled away. I'm like, just walked away.

1:36:10🔗 Adam Working her tongue in there?

1:36:12🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:36:12🔗 Adam Really?

1:36:13🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:36:14🔗 Adam Oh, nice. And is this a private school?

1:36:17🔗 Caller What?

1:36:17🔗 Caller No.

1:36:18🔗 Caller I took an high school.

1:36:19🔗 Caller Oh, whoops.

1:36:21🔗 Guest Oh, well.

1:36:24🔗 Adam You've become close with a teacher to public school?

1:36:28🔗 Caller Well, like, not like-

1:36:29🔗 Adam They're the enemy. What are you doing? You shouldn't be talking to them.

1:36:33🔗 Caller No, she's really cool. She's always kind of, she's helped me with my work and everything. I used to be like a really bad student. She's kind of helped me, but she's like, you know.

1:36:43🔗 Adam And you're freaked out by it?

1:36:45🔗 Caller Yeah, it's just like-

1:36:46🔗 Adam What are you freaked out by?

1:36:48🔗 Caller I used to be my teacher, and like, it's just really uncomfortable.

1:36:52🔗 Adam All right.

1:36:53🔗 Drew How did this happen? How did this come about?

1:36:55🔗 Caller I don't know. Like, we seemed to always have a good relationship, like-

1:37:00🔗 Drew No, I mean, what were you doing the moment this occurred? How did she-

1:37:02🔗 Caller Oh, I was just helping her sort some papers out.

1:37:05🔗 Adam I see.

1:37:06🔗 Drew And what did she say? Come here, I want to kiss you?

1:37:07🔗 Caller No, she's- We were just like on talking about stuff. We were just- And she just all of a sudden just out of the blue, she just kissed me on-

1:37:14🔗 Drew I'm afraid either you have to end this relationship.

1:37:17🔗 Adam What relationship?

1:37:18🔗 Drew Well, the friendship. She's crossed a boundary.

1:37:21🔗 Adam Oh, yeah. Okay. If you're freaked out by her, just don't hang with her. She'll get the message.

1:37:25🔗 Drew And-

1:37:25🔗 Caller I know, but she's like- I'm like, I don't know, should I tell somebody or like-

1:37:30🔗 Drew I think you should.

1:37:31🔗 Adam No, don't put that out. Oh, please. Tell somebody.

1:37:35🔗 Drew I didn't tell if there's a Dean of Students or-

1:37:37🔗 Adam What are you, wearing a little sailor suit and licking a giant lollipop? You're 16. You're in high school, for Christ's sake.

1:37:43🔗 Drew If this were a woman, how would we do?

1:37:44🔗 Adam Get some older broad coming on to you. Fine. She's divorced. She's lonely.

1:37:48🔗 Drew What if this were a woman that-

1:37:49🔗 Adam Metaposal hot flash.

1:37:50🔗 Drew Being abused by a male.

1:37:51🔗 Adam How old is she?

1:37:53🔗 Caller I think she's like in her 30s, like 32.

1:37:56🔗 Adam I see. Older woman. Very old woman. Listen, Danny, don't get in a position where you're camping with her. Don't go camping with her unless you want to nail her. If you're uncomfortable, when the bell rings, get up and leave with the rest of the students. It'll be over and done with. Don't tell anybody you're fine. It's important to cry and cower in shame every night when you get home, though.

1:38:21🔗 Drew She may need some redirection. She may have some problems here in mental health.

1:38:25🔗 Adam Yeah, she's a little freaked out. She's fine. Well, give me a worst-case scenario. She victimizes another guy who she gives a BJ to in her car in the parking lot.

1:38:34🔗 Drew Worst-case scenario, she's doing drugs or she's bipolar and really starts to do some weird stuff with kids.

1:38:38🔗 Adam She's fine. Wait till she gets popped. Stay out of there. Enjoy. That's what I say. Stay out of other people's business. Don't get involved. Keep driving. That's what I say. All right, we're going to take a break. We'll be back.

1:38:52🔗 Hello, this is your radio.

1:38:59🔗 Adam Hey. You're on the show. I thought Drew and I were just having a little argument about parents. All righty then. Now, is Lit coming back on here again?

1:39:12🔗 Drew January 11th.

1:39:12🔗 Adam Wow. That's funny because I ran in one of those Lit guys at the swap meet. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. Good story. Should I go on about it?

1:39:21🔗 Drew Did you recognize them?

1:39:23🔗 Adam Yeah, I did recognize the Lit guy because he's the guy who has the ponytail beard. Well, these are wonderful stories. Oh, I saw a lot of Huel Hauser over the weekend. Did you see Huel Hauser?

1:39:34🔗 Drew Not once. What is wrong with you? I watch a lot of TV, too.

1:39:38🔗 Adam I've had to wash my hands and my ass with you. We will be back tomorrow night to dispense more useless knowledge. So, until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo.

1:39:49🔗 Caller Oh, boy.

1:39:53🔗 Adam Now, this is wonderful.

1:39:57🔗 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback