3:52🔗
Voiceover
Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Content, content. Listener discretion is advised. Loveline Coast to Coast.
4:12🔗
Adam
I was trying to think to myself earlier today, what if Christmas was in July? Meaning it was blazing hot.
4:23🔗
Adam
Well, those people don't really have Christmas over there. They don't know what's going on.
4:28🔗
Do they?
4:30🔗
Adam
I like to think of that as our holiday. And I don't even mean the United States. North Hollywood people, old school. Yeah, I like that Christmas tree. I got a wreath this year for the first time in my life.
5:10🔗
Yeah.
5:11🔗
Caller
Well, me and my girlfriend, Brittany, we're both 16. We've been trying to have sex for like, I don't know, the past couple of weeks, but well, I guess I'm pretty, I'm pretty well down and down. When I say my penis is about six and six inches to six and a half.
5:34🔗
Caller
Her vagina is kind of, it's kind of small. I mean, it's about the size of the bottom of a shot glass or smaller. I don't know. It's free. It's really small.
5:51🔗
Adam
I see. Yeah, I know. But he's trying to get his penis into the shot glass. That's what I'm saying.
6:05🔗
Adam
If you run water on it constantly, it'll erode it like the Grand Canyon and open it up. Wind is good. Slower than water, though. Sand.
6:16🔗
Drew
Look, Matt, it's not about size, though there is such a thing as anatomic disproportion. It's about her level of discomfort, anxiety, and it causes the muscles down there to constrict down. That whole instrument is designed to open up very nicely.
6:32🔗
Adam
Yeah. Well, look at it this way. You go to the dentist, he can put both hands and one of his feet in your mouth. But when you've got your five-year-old and you're trying to stuff some broccoli in his face, you can't get a sliver in there.
6:48🔗
Adam
If it's something that she's, even if she says she wants to do it, her vagina may not want to do it.
7:01🔗
Drew
So be careful. Just take it slow, talk to her more, ask more questions about what does she want, some of the relationship.
7:15🔗
Caller
Yeah, she's really into it, she really wants to do it, but she complains that it feels like it's going to rip.
7:27🔗
Yeah, I know.
7:31🔗
Adam
Take it slow, give her a little oral sex there. Yeah, man, man's level to walk away with part of the vagina in his mouth. He gives her a little oral sex in his picture. Matt, you have my labia majora there, can I have that back? A little help with the labia?
7:53🔗
Adam
Matt strikes me as one of those guys, one of those guys in high school that had the beard. High school, the couple of those guys had that mustache? Matt strikes me as. Alan?
8:04🔗
Hey.
8:19🔗
Caller
This isn't really going like I'd hoped. I'm gay, I'm 30, it's just not what I was envisioning.
8:27🔗
Caller
You were ranting last night about how Ann tries to keep all the booty sent to Loveline for herself.
8:58🔗
Adam
Hold on a second. Can we get AIDS from that pie? I'm serious, Drew. You're a doctor. I don't know about these things.
9:21🔗
How gay are you?
9:23🔗
Caller
So, the reason I bring this, the reason why I'm agreeing with you is because when I tried to find out where you guys do the show to send you the pies, because I love you guys, I got nothing but send them to K-Rock, send them to K-Rock, Ann wants everything sent to K-Rock, and now I know that that's why she wants it all sent to K-Rock is because she just wants all the pies for herself.
9:46🔗
Adam
Yes, she's a pie whore, that man. Thank you. I don't know, did your life partner pick up the other line? What is that?
9:58🔗
Adam
What happened to gay guys being named Bruce? Remember that? Remember that was always funny?
10:12🔗
Drew
What was Alan actually expecting from this conversation? I just wonder what he wanted out of this.
10:20🔗
Caller
I don't know. I just was hoping maybe not to be gay, like out of the first 10 seconds of the call.
10:33🔗
Adam
You can help us help the other callers by clearing the line so that we can take important calls. And that, that's a very important part of the show. People don't know that.
10:44🔗
Adam
Yes, people just sitting quietly by the radio and not touching the phone so that other people can get through on the line. Everyone listen to me and then everyone can listen to me. That's Alan, one more question. Alan, do you have any gay friends named Bruce?
11:16🔗
Yeah.
11:18🔗
Yeah.
11:20🔗
Caller
About 12 to 13, or when I was like 12 or 13, my nipples started, you know, like sticking out, you know what I'm like saying? Yeah. What's happened?
12:04🔗
Breast bud.
12:05🔗
It's a good movie.
12:07🔗
Adam
Yeah, you're fine. Are you getting breasts or you just have a lump where your nipple is?
12:29🔗
Adam
Crap out your own nipple. You'll see it. It's important to strain your fecal matter for the next few years so you can retain your nipple that you passed. And then what do you do with it?
12:41🔗
Adam
No, you encase it in lucite. You make paperweights out of it. You ever did that? Hey, Drew, you ever remove any gallstones or any stones from people that people want to save and do something with?
12:55🔗
Drew
That was a much bigger thing. The people's sort of relation to the medical system has changed in the last 10 years.
13:02🔗
Drew
In the 60s, 70s, and 80s, people was all very mystical. Very, oh yeah, I want this out and I want to put it on my desk.
13:08🔗
Adam
Yeah. I know a guy who had gallstones, so he actually encased in like lube site, maybe diced out of it or something.
13:24🔗
Hello?
13:26🔗
Caller
Uh, I like older men. And it's like kind of a problem because I don't like any guys my age.
13:51🔗
Drew
Look, if you just find an attraction of that is one thing, but to actually go after it, that's...
14:05🔗
Yeah, he's too young, but he's hot.
14:12🔗
Yeah?
14:13🔗
Adam
Okay. Here's how it works. Here's what I love most about the people who call this show. I'm attracted to guys who are 50.
14:21🔗
Adam
Uh-huh. 50? Well, 30 or 50. So you get a nice 20-year span in there. Like if I said, I like chicks that are 10, or 30. 10 or 30. 30 or 10, you know, in there. 12 to 29, you know. And then, so she tells me she likes guys that are 50. She's 15. I find this curious.
14:43🔗
Adam
So I say, give me an example of a celebrity that you're attracted to, thinking she's going to say, Sean Connery or something. Burt Reynolds. She names a guy who's 27.
15:12🔗
Adam
She played Alice in Brady Bunch. That was, oh, Anne B. Davis. Yeah, that's right. See, Drew would laugh if he knew that that was played by Anne B. Davis.
15:50🔗
Adam
Then we get the guy no one knows by name. See, that's why you go celebrity. It's always gratifying when you say name a celebrity and they name a name that no one's heard of. Right.
16:01🔗
Adam
You see, that's why you go celebrity. Otherwise, I just name the guy who lives down the street.
16:08🔗
Adam
Here are the qualifiers. The celebrity that you're about to name must be a name that reasonable people...
16:31🔗
Adam
Drew doesn't know that name. He thinks he once went to high school with him. He's not sure. All right. So you like Dr. Drew?
16:39🔗
Yeah.
16:46🔗
He's here.
17:11🔗
Adam
No, you're just attracted to older guys. Have you ever had any kind of affair with an older man?
17:36🔗
Drew
She likes older men, which is not abnormal for a 14, 15 year old, but she came across a predator that she was stuck with and that nobody suspected she was with for a year. A year? A teacher.
17:51🔗
Drew
No, she was stuck with him for a year and he was able to read his web. You know what I'm saying? And this, this, and now, now it's fixed. You know what I mean? Now the attraction has an abnormal proportion.
18:10🔗
Adam
I see. And yes, I had a private school education. I don't know if it's true enough. And-
18:40🔗
Drew
Somebody needs to. You need to go talk about it. It's important for your health, Justine. Really.
18:57🔗
Why?
18:59🔗
Yeah.
18:59🔗
Adam
Well, she feels like she's going to get in trouble, too. And why did you end things or why did he break things off with you?
19:10🔗
Drew
Well, it's wrong only in the sense that it's going to affect you and your feelings and your behaviors for a long time. And it's wrong of him, certainly, to allow that to happen.
19:22🔗
Drew
For you, this guy, you just came, you just got in the clutches of a criminal, of a predator. And, you know, your behavior wasn't anything outlandish.
19:32🔗
Adam
Jesus, weren't you scared he was going to die while he was on top of you and suffocate you?
20:18🔗
Drew
Well, that's the way you tell the therapist. Some work there will helpfully settle that down.
20:23🔗
Drew
The traction may stay, but the urge and the fact, the behaviors of actually going after older guys should stop.
20:30🔗
Adam
Then who knows, Justine, a few years from now, maybe Drew's marriage is on the rocks, you're of age, I'm not making any predictions, but you never rule it out. You never say never. That's what I'm saying.
20:45🔗
Adam
I know. Never. You never say never unless you're making an example about not saying never, then you can say never, but then you never say never again. You know what I'm saying. It's ironic that you say never say never and you've just said never a couple of times. Right. Yeah. People don't really think about that. All right. Where are we going now, Drew? Line three, we'll talk to Guy, who's 15. Guy?
21:21🔗
Caller
Uh, nothing. I had a question because tomorrow this one senior kid wants to fight me at a park near my house. Yeah. We're near the school, right? And, uh, so he's in my wood shop class. And one day he just came up to me and he started blowing like, uh, sawdust. Yeah, sawdust on me. And I saw, I got mad at him. I pushed him up against the locker. I was kind of nervous.
21:59🔗
Adam
That's important, because, you know, some blue dust from, like, particle board or MDF or one of these composite woods has got all that glue and formaldehyde in it. I'd be upset. But if they blew some, you know, nice mahogany or some, uh.
22:27🔗
Caller
No, no, he's like, he's like, I'm gonna kick a tall and he's like, everybody, everybody thinks that I could beat him up because he's all, he's all bony and lanky.
22:44🔗
Caller
No, no, no, I, I, but, uh, cause everybody, no, I, uh, cause everybody wants me to, uh, do it. Yeah. They're, they're, they're all, we'll fight you.
22:54🔗
Caller
Well, I didn't want, I didn't really want to fight him. I wanted boxing, but he said, uh, that he wants a bra, so.
23:04🔗
You pansy.
23:10🔗
Adam
No, he doesn't know his time. Listen, you do what I did in high school. You, uh, you, uh, crap yourself and then throw the fecal matter at him.
23:18🔗
Caller
I, I, I don't want to fight him, but I don't, I don't want to be like a chicken or nothing.
23:34🔗
Drew
But, you know, people that do train in, in serious martial arts always talk about learning how not to get in fights.
23:40🔗
Adam
Yeah. They're, they're, they're, they're not skilled. He's not serious about it. Let me, let me tell you, that, that martial art stuff is, is ridiculous. It's worthless. I've, uh, I've sparred with many, uh, like black belt, nothing. The Taekwondo guys, the guys who wrestle and grab you by the gi and throw you down and stuff.
23:59🔗
Adam
That, that you can use. Yeah. But the, that whole karate chopping stuff was a little better, but, uh, nothing, nothing some chunky that's hopped up on PCP couldn't take care of.
24:10🔗
I was thinking, I was thinking, Was that you?
24:13🔗
Drew
I was thinking more about the 70s again, 70s humor. Big preoccupation with not just karate, but karate chopping. Yeah. And if it wasn't karate chop, at least it would be breaking something with your head.
24:25🔗
Adam
Well, here's the thing about the 70s, and, uh, Kung Fu got this going, which was, you know, 130 pound guy, if he made his hand into a fist, really couldn't do much to you. If he made his hand into a karate chop, he could take out a whole legion. You know, first off, there was this whole thing, I think part of it had to do with Spock and his pressure point, and then a lot of it was sort of carried on by like James Bond and stuff, where the notion was is if you snuck up behind a guy and gave him a chop...
24:57🔗
Adam
Right, right in the trapezoid area, somewhere where his neck connected to his shoulder...
25:02🔗
Adam
No, he'd just go down. The other thing you missed, so the other thing was a lot of knocking guys out with precise blows, not hard blows, just precise blows. And the reality is, if you're standing there, especially if there's some big guard type, and some guy comes up behind you, takes his hand, flattens it, and whacks you with the edge of it, you'd be annoyed at best. Then you'd turn around and shoot him. But that would knock you out. The other thing I noticed too, as I was watching the A-Team last night, something we've been missing is a lot of switching clothes with people. Guards standing out front. Standing out front, he says, there's some big drug operation, you're trying to infiltrate. So what do you do? Now you combine the karate chop and the clothes switch. So there's a scene of the guy walking by, karate chop, the guy pulls aside, and the next scene, it's me buttoning up the last button of his military outfit as I step out. Now there's a couple of things. First off, somehow guards don't know other guards. It's like some guy's been guarding the same drug processing plant for the last 20 years. Somehow doesn't know the guy who works next to it.
26:15🔗
Adam
Yeah, especially when he's wearing makeup and not a hair out of place. Number two, you know how hard it'd be to get the clothing off of a 210 pound guy whose body was limp because you just karate chopped them? I mean pants. I mean, I mean shirts, shoes, socks, tie, the hat, the whole, all the military. It's ironic. So it's never, listen, a pair of shorts and a tank top. I could maybe see that. But not the jacket, the tie, and the whole military garb. You'd spend days trying to get that. You ever have one of your buddy, one of your buddies pass out on you when you're drinking? Just getting his ass out of the back seat of the car or back into his car or up on the bed.
27:04🔗
Adam
That guy passed out on the Tijuana border and it took like four of us to drag his corpse and stuff it in the back of a 79 Celica two door. And when he was passed out in the back, four guys like grabbing one leg just dragging him, four big guys. I mean, if I was trying to get that, what would have happened to me if I was trying to get him in dresses, I probably would have got his pants down when someone happened upon us. There's some sort of bizarre rape scene going on. But I mean, that's a day. That's a day you need like a cherry picker, three guys, a bottle of talc and a pot of coffee and an afternoon in order to switch clothing with a guy who's been passed out via your karate chop. Here's the last thing I was thinking about you don't see on TV anymore. I was telling you this the other night, Drew, the avalanche. Remember people be in an avalanche zone?
28:02🔗
Adam
We're in an avalanche zone. Be very quiet. Anything could set that off. Somehow, I don't think noise sets it off. I mean, the shot of how it's their cannon, hitting it, sets it off. But you yelling or clapping doesn't set it off. All right, Drew. We'll be right back. Oh yeah, we got to take a break. When we come back, we'll speak to Diane, who's sturdy. Oh, Drew was the answer on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire Night. Did you know about that?
28:32🔗
Adam
Did not know that. All right, we'll be back. Who doesn't get paid enough for his radio job? We'll be back after this.
28:41🔗
You know what I'm saying, Adam? Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.
29:18🔗
Adam
Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla. That'd be Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1. Oh, you know what we got coming up on the show? We got the we got the Supercross champion Jeremy McGrath. That's the gut-busting sport of warriors at Supercross. And Tracy Lourdes, who's we remember her from her porn days and her regular acting days. Porn is also the gut-busting sport of warriors. I don't know if you know that.
29:49🔗
Drew
That's all after the new year. For the next week, people are going to hear some very interesting highlights.
30:00🔗
Adam
We're playing the we'll be playing the best stuff because Drew and I will be on a little vacation. But you're all going to be the winners here because basically, instead of taking one boring show like tonight, we would take five or six good shows with good guests and distill them down to one show.
30:23🔗
You are an asshole.
30:31🔗
My big fat ass every day when I wake up.
30:35🔗
That was pretty good. My fat ass. Oh my God.
30:54🔗
Adam
Oh yeah. A little confusion there. I thought he meant the first. All right. So we got that. We got it. It's an all-star lineup next week, everybody. Yeah. And I'll get to listen. And I monitor. You know what I mean? I'm always looking to improve. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like notes like an NFL linebacker. I study the films. I see where I can see where the coaches are and the improvements they made working 24 7. That's right. That's me. Diane.
31:19🔗
Caller
Hi, Adam. Hi, Dr. Drew, Dr. Drew. I don't know if you knew, but you were the question on who wants to be a millionaire tonight.
31:34🔗
Caller
No. The question was, which show does Dr. Drew co-host? Oh my gosh. I don't know what all four of the choices were. One was Nightline, one was The Man Show, giving props to Adam.
32:02🔗
Adam
Boy, they're really scratching the bottom of the question barrel. But you know, it is flattering that it was the $2,000, the easiest one. That is the easiest one, right?
32:19🔗
Caller
Yeah, some guy one time, the $100 question was finished the quote duck duck and he didn't know it was goose.
32:26🔗
Adam
Yeah, now there's a lot of that going on. I've seen a guy shoot his wad on all his lifelines on like the $500 question when it was like the world's most retarded question. You know, the thing about me is I don't know that much, so when I do know the answer, I get real indignant.
32:44🔗
Adam
Yes, I yell. But here's what I yell. Here's why I cannot watch that show. And by the way, congratulations.
32:59🔗
Drew
Well, he was testing Bill Clinton getting a TV show. We came up in the context of that discussion.
33:11🔗
Adam
That show, the hot looking mulatto chick host, me and Jimmy. Yeah, and a long, like half hour thing, really had a little room to breathe.
33:19🔗
Adam
Oh, I got my groove on. But here's what I'm saying. I cannot watch that show, that millionaire show, because they have people, him and Haw, over the answer for way too long. Way too long.
33:37🔗
Adam
I have talked to a few people who are in the know. I know the guy who created the show, and I've talked to a few people who work on it, and stuff like that. And they're not encouraged to stretch it out, but they're encouraged to take as much time as they please. And Regis will give the guy a question, and they'll, you know, is it, you know, what composer composed this or that? Is it Bach? Is it Handel? Is it whoever? And he'll say, they'll go, no, it's not Bach, because Bach died in the early, it's in 19, I was a, well, now see, now long story, I was a literature major major at Brown University. And we, well, someone wrote a short story in the life of Bach, and he read it in front of the clouds. And it just keep, well, and I'll go out, I'll take a leak, I'll make a sandwich, I'll come back in the room. He's still Hammond in Haun. And the deal is, is I don't mind giving it some thought, but if the thought ain't gonna help, it ain't gonna help. I mean, either know or you don't. And sometimes you can think about it for a second, but he, and hearing him autobilize every one of his thought processes, it drives me annoying. After, I swear to God, after 20 minutes on the same thing, I'm throwing a slipper at this thing and yelling, move it.
35:01🔗
Caller
Yeah. So it was directed at the younger group, but she didn't have it, huh? She knew right away.
35:07🔗
Caller
And then Ray just came back with the snappy line. Oh, do you watch that? And she said, oh, occasionally.
35:13🔗
Adam
All right. Well, that's pretty good. It's too bad we don't have that on tape, it never will. That's the beauty. Thanks, Dan. That's the beauty of Drew and me and our people. You'll never see that. I guarantee you a million years.
35:37🔗
Caller
I have a problem with my ex-boyfriend cause I broke up with him like months ago and he still doesn't get the idea that we're broke up.
35:54🔗
Drew
Yeah, that's a 17-year-old natural male. That's it. The new flood of testosterone across the neuronal tissue causes them not to be able to assess or hear reality as it pertains to the interpersonal world.
36:14🔗
Adam
He's gonna call, he's gonna be drunk, he's gonna be in a bad way and he's gonna go, you still have some feelings for me, don't you? And you're gonna pause and he's gonna go, don't you? And you're gonna go, sure, I have some feelings. I knew it. And that'll keep him going for another six months.
36:30🔗
Caller
He does this like all the time. There's like actual good reasons why I broke up with him is he was like really, he was like abusive and he would like sexually abuse me.
36:44🔗
Drew
This is the guy, this is the guy treats her like a queen we were talking about last night.
36:49🔗
Adam
You know, I'm just the opposite. I always get broken up with and then wish I had sexually abused while I had, well, the door was open. You know what I'm saying? Drew, do you remember those thoughts? If I only had sex with her one more time, somehow you could have banked it. Geez, it's just one more piece of ass.
37:07🔗
Adam
An idiot. And then you go back and you think of those nights, geez, there was that night, you know, when she kind of wanted it and you were like stone and you went to bed. You could have had some as is somehow if you'd had sex one more time six months ago, you could have used it. I wish there was some credit for that. I really do. I really do. All right, listen, she can give him nothing.
37:32🔗
Drew
And they always couch it. The fact the way they handle, they always rationalize it as, well, I don't want to hurt his feelings.
37:40🔗
Adam
Yes, he's desperate. He may kill himself. It's going to be uncomfortable. Suzanne. Yeah. Listen, let me tell you something.
37:47🔗
Adam
You got to treat these guys like you treat guys who are calling you wanting to interest you in timeshare. Which is no, not maybe, not call back in an hour, not let me think about it, not well sort of, because they're going to, they'll do it just like these timeshare guys. You like value, don't you? Here's what you got to say, no. You enjoy vacation and a bargain price, don't you? No, I don't.
38:14🔗
Drew
Or when they say, all right, we'll give you a free ticket to Disneyland. We'll just give them to you right now. We don't talk any further about this.
38:28🔗
Adam
You drove to the North Pole because someone told you they're going to give you a VCR and you end up as sitting in a room for four days with a guy at the bad time. Suzanne, I'm going to be him, all right? We'll do a little role playing. Okay. Okay. Are you ready? Okay. You be you. Okay. Okay. I'm going to do, I'm going to make the phone ringing sound. Maybe Anderson can do that. You pick up the phone. You ready? Yeah.
38:54🔗
Adam
Bring Anderson. You got to, there we go. Thank you. Hello. Don't answer on the first ring. It sounds desperate. No, don't talk while it's ringing. It breaks down the fourth wall.
39:37🔗
Adam
Yeah. Hey, you know, I know I did some stuff that wasn't too cool and all that, but there's still, we're not finished, you know? There's something between us. There's still an energy. There's still something here. You know what I'm saying?
39:53🔗
Adam
Yeah, I know you deny it because it's something you're trying to run away from because you're intimidated by it, man, but it's bigger than both of us. I mean, I think it was meant to be. Just come see me. Let me just come over there. I just want to talk to you. I just want to talk to you. I'm coming over, OK? OK, I'll be there in a few minutes. I just want to talk to you.
40:38🔗
Caller
We'll get to the point where like, I'm like, he'll threaten to come over and like beat me up if I don't.
40:53🔗
Drew
Here is the deal. My sense of this, as soon as Adam started talking to you, you became passive and quiet. Your action is the moment you hear this guy's voice on the phone, which is, I'm asking, it's over, I'm asking you not to call him anymore. I've done it. I've done it. Every time.
41:20🔗
Adam
No, you can't. Listen, everybody. I've talked to so many people that have had this problem and they end up having these hour and a half conversations with the person and they don't see the harm in that. It's like, listen, I don't care if you guys are talking about what a prick this guy is for an hour and a half. You are holding the phone to your ear for an hour with this guy and yes, you're maintaining it. Look at it this way. What if I was stalking some celebrity and like I wanted to rape Kelsey Grammer again and I called him up and he picked up the phone and was like, hey, this is a rapist stalker Adam Corolla. My buddy Drew was a question on who wants to be a millionaire. Yeah. And I talked to him for an hour and then we hung up. What message would that send to me? Even if the whole time you were fighting and even the whole time all he was yelling at me is how he's going to call a cop so much he hates my guts and how much my breath smells. If we did it for an hour, that's it. That's dad is connection and all these guys know is chaos. They like a chaotic connection. They know they're alive for that hour out of the day. You hang up, you hear his voice, you hang up. That's it. And he'll call you back and he'll make threats. You won't hear the threats. You'll be hanging up. And the deal is he'll do that five or six times. But believe me, I don't care how f'ed up you are. You call somebody and they just hang up as soon as they hear you. That's it. You stop calling eventually. We're going to take a little break. When we come back, we're going to talk to a cat who's 19, had sex with 13 guys and has never had an orgasm. Let's see if that's normal after this. All right. Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. It's Dr. Drew over there.
43:38🔗
Adam
Drew and I have interesting, revealing conversations off the air, of course, that we have to remember to talk about. All right. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Let's hop back on the phones and speak to Kat. Kat is 19. Kat?
44:10🔗
Caller
Well, not with a guy like, you know, as guys would call it, jerking oneself off, maybe.
44:43🔗
Adam
It's about 40 gallons a minute running through her vagina. She lays in the tub. Other than that, it's the same.
44:52🔗
Drew
I've tried everything, but what's what's different when you're by yourself? What's the experience? How is the experience different when you're by yourself? And what can we can recreate that with a person?
45:09🔗
Adam
Hold on a second. Drew, we always do the world. It's always like a little loveline recreation there. It's always the world's worst radio. You try to get it. That's why it's important not to try to get at anything truthful or important.
45:21🔗
Drew
Not on the radio. What's the experience like when you're by yourself? Is there any way you can recreate that experience when you're with a person? I don't think so, at least.
45:41🔗
Adam
All right, so we really got to go back. Drew, I hope you're writing that down. I don't think so. Hey, I can't. Maybe if you just found one guy that you really like, kind of stayed with him and worked it out.
46:15🔗
Adam
Hold on there. Hold on a second, Kat. You're with your first guy. But I'm saying, how about having a real, long-term, meaningful relationship? Not you boffin 12 guys while you're in and out of one relationship. That ain't a real relationship.
46:35🔗
Caller
I've been in real relationships. Like, it's after we break up that we, you know, seem to hook up again.
47:13🔗
Adam
Oh, okay. All right. It's like talking to the Riddler except for with no personality. You know if the Riddler was just no face makeup, regular hair, you know, brown hair, regular voice, and just sat and had no personality, that's what it would be like. Kat, like a great Batman character.
47:29🔗
Drew
You said something I'm found curious. It's difficult to talk about masturbation because you're a girl. Why is that?
47:40🔗
Adam
All right. Hold on. I don't have got no more time for this, Kat. I'm getting to the bottom here. You got some anger. You don't like men. What's up? Where's daddy?
48:23🔗
Adam
All right, listen, you had one brother who was retarded who was beating on you and you had another... You had a dad who died at two. That's some stuff. That's some male issues.
48:43🔗
Adam
Yeah, your best friends. But as soon as you become intimate with them, it gets weird for you because you can't handle it. Because you think something's going to happen. And until you're able to stab that intimacy, you're not going to have an orgasm. Here. All right. And don't listen to me. Just go about your way. Good. Bang another 13 guys without an orgasm. Enjoy.
49:05🔗
Adam
You can pound on a vagina till it's a hamburger meat. Meanwhile, you'll get nothing. Go. More guys. There's your answer. Not enough guys. Volume. Take in another 70 lineal feet of schlong. That'll do it for you.
49:22🔗
Adam
And here's the deal, everybody. Let me tell you something, ladies. You poor creatures are cursed. You really are. Because for you to have the orgasm, for 95% of you to have an orgasm, you got to have some kind of connection. Yeah. And the other 5%, you just got to be really seriously effed up and not having the connection is the part that gives you the orgasm. But for most all of you, you need a connection. You want to go through life wondering what the technique is that the guy's not applying to your crotch. Forget it. You've been with one guy for six months, except for you've been with 12 other guys. That's your long term relationship. You're kind of angry and kind of weird with guys. There it is. You'll never have one. You work out some of your issues, some of your anger. You'll have one.
50:07🔗
Adam
When we come back, we're going to speak to Chrissy. Chrissy's 19 when she has sex with her boyfriend. He goes limp. This bothers her after this. Hey, Love Line, everybody. Would you break a little early there? All right, anyway, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, I'm Adam Corolla. I'm Adam Corolla, and I'm here to talk to you about Love Line. What a trivia answer over there, Dr. Drew. And we're going to talk to Christy, who has a little limp problem with her boyfriend, Christy.
51:16🔗
Caller
I'm doing great. This question's directed towards Dr. Drew. My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years. We have a very strong, strong relationship. We're talking about marriage, and about a month ago, this problem has started, like, he doesn't have a problem.
51:53🔗
Caller
No, actually, so about a month ago, like, um, he started, like, he doesn't have a problem becoming erect.
52:02🔗
Caller
But after he ejaculates, um, he'll, you know, he'll ejaculate like two times and then, um, it's just over, like, it's done with.
52:11🔗
Drew
Well, you better use that because, uh, as he gets older, he's going to ejaculate one time and be done. I'm down to a half. Yeah. Adam barely gets through the first.
52:23🔗
Drew
I mean, that's, that's not normal. That's already ahead of normal. Well, well ahead of baby.
52:27🔗
Adam
You're setting the bar a little too high. Yeah. His penis. He only, uh, he comes twice and they loses it.
52:41🔗
Adam
Hold on. Now, what can be bad is if it happens very quickly and then quickly again and then loses it. Does that happen?
52:50🔗
Caller
Well, no, not really. I mean, it lasts for a little bit and then it just, I mean, he loses it. And he was one who asked me to call because he works late and...
53:01🔗
Caller
Well, no, like, I mean, it's not, it's not like quick. It's not like he's a minute man. Okay. All right.
53:08🔗
Adam
So, listen, so you guys have sex. He gets an erection. You guys have sex. It lasts for a little bit. He has an orgasm.
53:20🔗
Adam
He stays erect. Then you have more sex. Then he has another. I pulled it up. I pulled my calf muscles. Just thinking about it. Just talking about going twice. Hold on, Drew rubbed that. All right. Then he has sex again. Then he has, he has another orgasm. And then he got shorter.
53:53🔗
Caller
So he's my, he's my first. So I don't, I'm very like, I don't know a whole lot about this.
53:59🔗
Adam
He ain't going to be your last. But let me tell you, you're not really so much complaining over that he can't get an erection for the third time. You're really saying the first two were too fast.
54:09🔗
Drew
It's him. It's him too. That's he's the one that's freaked out a little bit. He's not a medication.
54:20🔗
Caller
We don't either. That's why he had asked me to call you. We've been talking about it and we can't figure it out. If there's something that he can do, we're both confused.
55:02🔗
Adam
He doesn't masturbate. All right, well, that's the problem. You guys have sex once every two weeks. He's pent up and pow. There's too much pressure. I mean, look at it this way.
55:16🔗
Adam
No. No? Not bad, but I was thinking more of a steam engine. If you don't blow that whistle and relieve some of the pressure in that tank, it'll just blow the whistle right off the top eventually and knock the whole, bust the whole thing off. It'll go sailing 200 feet in the air. You gotta let some of that pressure out of the tank. Obviously, when there's a lot of pressure, let's say the sack would be the tank.
55:43🔗
Adam
Don't confuse the kids. The sack is the tank. And when that sack gets too much pressure in it, it's gonna blow. And it's gonna have a hair trigger on it.
56:04🔗
Adam
Now maybe he is doing it. Maybe he's just telling her he's not. But he should get with a masturbatory regimen.
56:17🔗
Adam
Sit down, spread the sports page out on your belly and have at it. Julie, Julie, caller goes by the name of Julie, 26 year old.
56:31🔗
Caller
I'm actually just had some questions about my daughter. I'm kind of worried about her. She's four years old and she was sexually abused by my eight year old stepson.
56:49🔗
Caller
They came in and did a little bit and they took him out of the house for a little while.
57:09🔗
Caller
I believe so. My husband actually adopted him from this lady because she couldn't take care of him.
57:26🔗
Caller
Well luckily for us, we had somebody, a relative that would take him for us and he was staying with his grandmother for the time being.
57:34🔗
Drew
But Adam's question is what's the purpose of being away? To just keep him away? To separate him from the girl? To evaluate him or to?
57:40🔗
Caller
Well they evaluated him and they wanted to keep him away at the same time just to see if there was a really high risk of this happening again.
57:53🔗
Drew
And your daughter needs treatment for having been victimized in this way. It's gonna be a lifelong process for her.
57:59🔗
Caller
That's basically what I wanted to know is like what should I do about it and I'm having a really hard time with it.
58:17🔗
Caller
She says it's only once and that basically he kissed her vagina and bottom and that's all she told me. Because it's just three when this happened.
58:26🔗
Drew
Yeah, thankfully it might not be a big deal to her. But the thing about the best way I can understand the way these things affect people is that it's not so much that they walk around feeling bad. It's that it activates certain pathways in the brain that affect behavior later. And those pathways are established and it affects the feelings about themselves and sort of their ability to regulate feelings. And it's something that really they need a therapeutic relationship in order to help heal.
58:59🔗
Adam
If it didn't go too crazy, she'll probably be all right, but she got to work on it. But I'd worry more about him than her.
59:15🔗
Adam
Listen, God bless you for taking them in, but I'll tell you, you got to keep your eyes open these days.
59:23🔗
Adam
When somebody comes from a situation that's less than optimal, and you bring them in, that's what happens. I mean, I think it was commendable what your husband did, but on the other hand, it's unrealistic in a lot of ways not to think that these guys aren't going to act out.
59:44🔗
Drew
You have to prepare for what the reality is of the behavior of kids with these histories. And it's a lot of structure and a lot of medications sometimes too.
1:00:24🔗
Caller
We have two together. My four year old is from a previous marriage, and then my stepson was actually adopted by him when he was 18, so he's been with them for several years. He's had them since he was probably about seven or eight.
1:00:55🔗
Adam
It's a mess. Julie. Yeah? Yeah. You sound all right. You take care of your kids, and this guy, you know, he has to be observed, and he has to be treated. Yep. And there's just no way of getting around that. And, you know.
1:01:16🔗
Drew
You know, I reminded of that Woody Allen film, the musical they did, where he, what everyone says, I love you, is that it?
1:01:24🔗
Drew
Where he takes in the criminal for dinner. Alan Alda has a criminal over him, and the criminal starts behaving like a criminal.
1:01:30🔗
Adam
Steve Buscemi? Who was that criminal? I think it was Steve Buscemi. Yes. May have gotten Anderson on a stumper there. Yeah.
1:01:54🔗
Hi. Well, I was just watching you five minutes ago on Later. That kind of pissed me off. Was that a rerun? Do you know what I'm talking about? It was you and Jimmy Kimmel on Later.
1:02:10🔗
Yeah. Go ahead. Yeah, she was pissing me off with all that. Your daughter was a juggy crap. She was trying to be pleasant, but trying to get you over a barrel and all that crap. I'm just curious how you guys deal with the feminist backlash because, I mean, you basically tell the truth and you call it how you see it, and that's just a no-no. Yeah.
1:02:36🔗
I thought she was annoying as hell. I don't know. If I were...
1:02:44🔗
Yeah, she is pretty abysmal. I mean, I would never watch it if I hadn't seen you guys on there.
1:02:48🔗
Adam
But she's a nice lady, and the point is, she's just trying to stir things up and do her job.
1:02:56🔗
I guess. Well, I was offended on your behalf.
1:02:57🔗
Adam
She didn't really mean it. See, here's the whole thing about TV. You don't hear a lot of real questions. You hear questions that sound like they're real, because they're maybe a little enticing, or they're trying to incite something. But someone just gave her those questions to ask.
1:03:16🔗
Adam
She was like, you would know better than I would. Let me explain, whenever you watch television, and you see an interview going on, 90% of it, especially on networks, the agenda is what their producers told them to ask. That's their personal agenda. They have a card, the card has question one through ten, their producers, they're called segment producers, they interview the hell out of you, and then they tell them what to ask. How? Same thing goes on here on Loveline, except for there's nobody who ever does any actual interviewing. As a matter of fact, I'm the only guy who has a show that gets actual erroneous information.
1:03:58🔗
Drew
Actually there's another level to Loveline. We have segment producers on Loveline, the TV show, who are now allowed to speak to us.
1:04:03🔗
Adam
Yes, we don't speak to anybody, and if I do get some information, here's how it goes. Show's on UPN, Wednesday night, it's 8 o'clock. I go, catch it, UPN, Wednesday night, 8 o'clock. And then whoever I'm talking to leans over and goes, it's 9 o'clock, it's been switched to Fox. And I go, then I walk off the stage and start yelling at someone, and they go, well, what are you going to do?
1:04:23🔗
Caller
Well, actually, speaking of problem guests, my main issue was, it was a couple of years ago, and it was either John Favreau or the other guy from Swingers, and apparently there was some big row, some big ruckus.
1:04:40🔗
Caller
I was just wondering, and then I heard about it on subsequent shows, but I never heard what it was about. I'm just wondering if you could just give me a tiny recap on what happened.
1:04:56🔗
Adam
Drew, here's what happened. I don't remember anything. It wasn't too much. Drew didn't like John Favreau.
1:05:11🔗
Caller
Well, Drew, you were a lot more different back then, too. You were a lot more angry or uptight or something.
1:05:16🔗
Adam
He was uptight. Now he's angry. No, he's angry now. He was uptight back then. Now he says he's pissed at the world. But John Favreau, let me tell you something about celebrities. A lot of them have a lot of people that hang around them and nod their head all the time. And they say stuff and people sit around and nod their head, like those little dogs that are in the back of the car.
1:05:41🔗
Adam
You're a genius. So a lot of celebrities, this is why they like to spout off about stuff that they don't know about and don't seem to have any problem doing it.
1:05:51🔗
Drew
And seem like they know what they're talking about. Confidence is all they're going to talk about.
1:05:54🔗
Adam
Blah, blah, blah, blah. Too many people. It's why Mike Tyson can't get pulled over by a cop.
1:06:00🔗
Adam
The reason Mike Tyson has difficulty when someone pulls him over is because how many people tell Mike Tyson to do this or do that in his day-to-day life? You think his entourage says, hey, pick up those socks. This place is a mess.
1:06:18🔗
Adam
He was having a good year. And I guess there's a lot of people that were agreeing with him and he started spouting out some nonsense about, here's what I don't know, medication.
1:06:26🔗
Drew
Now here's what happened. A guy called in and I picked up immediately that it was somebody very, very ill, psychiatrically. And I just said, hey, are you taking your medication? And he went, well, they want me to take it, but I won't. And I started getting into what the medicines were. And he was on some of the most powerful anti-psychotic medicine. This guy was, and he was talking about harming himself and harming other people. So in about 30 seconds, I'd gotten a ton of information on this guy that led me to believe this was a dangerous situation. And Favreau bombastically sort of chimed in, hey, you don't let anybody tell you what to do. You don't take those medicines. They don't know what's good for you. And I got furious. To me, the ultimate ill of this show is when you, this show can harm people.
1:07:10🔗
Drew
And to me, I freak out when that starts happening. And I got angry. We got in each other's face a little bit.
1:07:18🔗
Drew
They cut it all out. They've never aired on TV. And I told the producers to air it. And they were like, Oh, we don't want people to think you that way. And I thought, that's what happened. Air it.
1:07:32🔗
Caller
Well, I want to thank you guys. I work security, so I have nothing better to do than listen to you every single night. And you're awesome.
1:07:55🔗
Adam
All right, baby. You take care of yourself. You know what I love about security? Security guys have to figure out ways to do things other than their job.
1:08:06🔗
Adam
Well, they're actually supposed to be watching something theoretically other than TV. That's why they fall prey to those karate chops that knock them out and allow people to change outfits with them so easily. That's my theory.
1:08:43🔗
Caller
Okay. So like, okay. I'm like bulimic and I'm like trying to stop, but after a couple of days when I like, like force myself to stop, I like have to do it again.
1:08:56🔗
Drew
Well, bulimia is a lot like addiction in that it's a behavior that people know they shouldn't do, often want very badly to stop but can't. And that's when you need treatment. If all we had to do is convince you not to do it, it'd be a pretty simple treatment. But unfortunately, there's a part of your brain that it gets very threatened by the feelings you have and it has no other way of dealing with it other than what it's learned to do, which is the vomiting.
1:09:41🔗
Caller
I don't know. It's just like, I don't know. I can't like stop it. I just think I'm like really fat. Even though like I know I'm not.
1:10:06🔗
Adam
What'd she do? She the person who works at the airline, telling people they can't get on the plane?
1:10:13🔗
Adam
Yeah. Oh, let me say something. I got to go on a minor riff here about the not getting on the plane person at the airport. Here's what your answer should be. Your answer should be the honest answer, which is, we gave away your seat. Can I stop you for one second? They don't want to get into, we gave away your seat. And so what they say is, hold on, what they say is, is you can't get on the airplane. Now that doesn't, that makes you want to continue arguing because you're staring at the plane. You want to know why you can't get on. I would accept, I really would. No, I wouldn't, no way would I accept that.
1:10:52🔗
Adam
Yes, if I was flying coach, which I never ever do. But if I were flying coach, let's say there was some sort of emergency where I had to do some sort of famine relief or something and I had to fly coach. And they said to me, you know what, Mr. Corolla, we gave away your coach ticket because we need everyone here 15 minutes before so we can figure it out, so we can handle the standby. You got here four minutes before and I hope you understand. I really would. I would understand that they have a business to run and that they have to do that. But they just keep saying you can't get on the plane instead of we gave away your seat. And you can't get on the plane, my answer to that is sure I can, I'll walk right on. They give away your seat and I don't like when they do it in first class because part of the extra five grand you spend in first class, they should hold that seat.
1:11:40🔗
Drew
Yeah. Listen, my kids watch Home Alone Tonight for the first time and if you remember that film, they wake up late and they're trying to make this flight to Paris. They run up to the airport, all 15 of them run up to the plane. Nice flight attendant there. Oh, God, the plane just about to pull out. We're leaving in one minute. Take any seat you like.
1:12:13🔗
Drew
Let's make it clear that, Sasha. Yeah? So you've got to understand. I hear you obsessing about your weight. I hear you that you want to stop. There's no amount of thinking or talking is going to change this right now. You must get treatment. Do you hear me?
1:12:31🔗
Drew
Just see a doctor. See a doctor who deals with eating disorders and know that this could endanger your life very quickly. You understand? Just to get treatment. You want to stop. That's what needs to happen if you're going to stop.
1:12:59🔗
Adam
He's all inflated over there, pounding his chest. Sasha, you do not steer this show. How dare you? Where are your friends? I'd like to talk to them.
1:13:16🔗
Drew
Let's go, Jessica. Make sure that Sasha gets treatment, please. Is Sasha your real name? Yeah, okay.
1:13:26🔗
Adam
We will take ourselves a little break when we come back with Dr. Chris. Got a third nipple, wants to know how to get it removed.
1:13:32🔗
Hello, this is your radio.
1:14:09🔗
Adam
Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, this is Dr. Drew over there. All right, forget about that phone number. No more calling. I've had enough of you. Chris? Yeah? Oh, oh. Uh-oh.
1:14:23🔗
Adam
You never know. I got energy today. A nice latte. Got a little buzz going. Feeling good. All right, you talk me into it. Chris?
1:14:49🔗
Drew
And people don't understand where that would be. Somehow they imagine it to be in the middle or something. There's a nipple line that goes down, just like a dog has a row of nipples across the abdomen.
1:14:58🔗
Drew
Humans have that too, and they resorb, except sometimes there's some residual nipples left behind.
1:15:03🔗
Adam
Well, what do you mean they resorb? I mean, when is that visible? I've never seen nipple pictures.
1:15:09🔗
Drew
No, very early, like in the earliest, I mean, when you're this big still, you're microscopic nearly, but sometimes there's something left behind that looks mostly like a mole when it's, you know, what is left behind.
1:15:26🔗
Drew
Well, it's that we have some genes that we share in common with other animals, other mammals, and as those genes turn on and off, certain things are activated to, you know, express and then go away.
1:15:55🔗
Adam
Does it look like... Jesus Christ. Anything but answer the goddamn question. Does it look like a nipple?
1:16:07🔗
Adam
So if I took a piece of paper and cut a circle out, there was a couple inches wide and just put it over that to look at it, isolate it, didn't know where it was, I would think it was a nipple.
1:16:25🔗
Drew
Yeah. You can't just... But we're going to wait till a little older, see what sort of...
1:16:28🔗
Adam
A little older. He's going through his key ribbing stage here. He's taking showers and whatnot.
1:16:34🔗
Drew
Well, okay. I mean, talk to a plastic surgeon and see what they want to do. They might take it out right away. It's possible.
1:16:51🔗
Drew
I'm now desensitized to that. I used to cringe. Yeah, cringe. I got to chill. Now it's like, yeah, whatever.
1:16:58🔗
Adam
I have very sensitive nipples. Yeah, I could have a girl on one nipple, and then I lick each index finger and work the other two. You know what I mean? That's my move. All right, Chris. You get taken care of. Make sure there's no confusion. You don't want them to take the nipple you want though, right?
1:17:29🔗
Adam
You know, they talk about radio being theater of the mind, but this is like Kukla, Fran, and Olly theater. This is not real theater. This is sort of barely theater. This is Bad Puppets. It's basically what kind of theater this is. This is a kind of-
1:17:43🔗
Adam
It's a sock puppet with buttons, his eyes, theater. This is not Shakespeare. You close your eyes, you don't see much on this show. It's kind of looking out of the window on a, you know, when you're flying at night, you're going through some clouds. That's what you're looking at with this show. It's not a real vivid picture. Oh, what the hell?
1:18:06🔗
Hello?
1:18:08🔗
Hedges.
1:18:10🔗
Yeah.
1:18:22🔗
Caller
Well, I don't have a big story or anything along with it. I didn't really get into it that much.
1:18:30🔗
Drew
Question is, where do you harken from? Where do your ancestors come from? That might help explain. New York. Oh, New York. There you go.
1:19:04🔗
Adam
Do you know any celebrities, any sports figures, any politicians, any biblical characters named Hedges?
1:19:13🔗
Adam
All right. So people have commented your entire life that it's a unique name, I'm sure.
1:19:21🔗
Drew
Here's another one. Yeah. We're just trying to figure out what the origin of the name is.
1:19:30🔗
Caller
Hey, well, I was having sex with my girlfriend and like it was consensual and everything and we were like in the doggy position, but like I went anal just out of nowhere.
1:19:47🔗
Adam
You went anal. Hold on. Drew went an entire semester. He went anal in 1981, didn't you?
1:20:01🔗
Caller
Yeah. Well, I don't think she was like consensual about the anal portion. I was wondering if that could like constitute a rape.
1:20:27🔗
Caller
It was pretty immediate. She was like, hey. And you kept like sort of screaming like, like.
1:20:34🔗
Caller
Like she was like, hey, no. And she starts like screaming and everything. But I was like, I was like sort of into it. And I didn't like, I don't know. It just happened.
1:20:46🔗
Caller
Like I've been calling her, but she likes this. She's going to call police on a service thing. But she's like hysterical.
1:20:58🔗
Adam
Now listen, Hedges, Hedges, Hedges, Hadsborough. How long have you been going out with this girl?
1:21:29🔗
Caller
Well, I don't really have a specialty. I just sort of like do the, like mucking out the building and stuff like that.
1:21:43🔗
Adam
Yeah. Yeah. Let me tell you something. A mule is associated with a diamond mine. He ain't the owner. He's the mule. You understand?
1:21:52🔗
Drew
Well, it's like somebody works in the line of the factory, is associated with the owner.
1:21:55🔗
Adam
Therefore, yes, I worked at McDonald's when I was 16. I did not own a chain of McDonald's.
1:22:04🔗
Adam
Yes. In a way, I'm closer to the owner than most people are. But, no, I did not, I was not kind of, he was a serious piece of work.
1:22:19🔗
Adam
Listen, his girlfriend breaking up with him, listen, I close my eyes and I picture her. Picture the gal that would let Hages mount up on her. Oh, my God. All right. All right. Good. Good. Run. That's my message to her. She's listening.
1:22:47🔗
Caller
Well, I work with children, I guess I could just say in the entertainment industry. And I've been working with an 11-year-old girl.
1:23:07🔗
Adam
I'm out of guesses. You work with kids in the entertainment industry. You're a teacher?
1:23:15🔗
Caller
I've spent the past month or so with about an 11-year-old girl. And I guess, you know, she started to trust me and she confided in me and told me a bunch of things, a string of things. But it starts with her parents are getting divorced. It's her mother and her stepfather. Her stepfather has abused her physically. He's actually broken her wrist.
1:23:41🔗
Adam
OK, and so if I had a nickel every time I snap some bitches, Rich is, you know, like, clean this up. So you know, that kind of thing.
1:23:47🔗
Caller
Well, basically, you know, the stepfather has broken her wrist. He verbally abuses her. Her mother is having sex with a 15 year old boy.
1:24:50🔗
Drew
Well, if that's just an answering machine or something, depending on what hours you're calling, call Child Protective Services wherever you are and make them report or discuss it with them at least.
1:25:02🔗
Caller
But I'm also concerned of... I don't know what the protocol is, if they're going to remove her from the home. I don't know if that's going to be the best thing for her.
1:25:15🔗
Drew
They try not to do that, but it still need... You need to give the system an opportunity to help her.
1:25:51🔗
Adam
Nancy, listen, let me tell you guys something. Here's the idea. Here's the plan as a guy who's trying to get some sex. It's not to be taller or tanner or better looking or richer. No, because we all know pathetic, pathetic guys who've gotten amazing pieces of ass over their life. Now, it doesn't go on forever. The chick wises up, the chick figures it out. Talk to any beautiful woman, any beautiful woman, and she will tell you about five guys she slept with who are way beneath her, who cause her to shudder, cause her to shudder. My name may come up. I get the I get the I get the shudder followed by the uncontrollable vomiting. They will all talk about some guy, and it's the same deal, and it can work this way. Yeah, I was doing regional theater, and I was just there for summer, and we're up in the Catskills doing some stuff, and there's this guy, he was okay. I mean, he wasn't that good an actor, he wasn't that tall, but he was nice, and everyone else was gay, and we had a few drinks one night, and I know what the hell. We were together a couple of times, I wasn't really into him, he kept calling me, and then I moved back to LA. They'll all tell you some story, and some amazing chick, the most amazing women have slept with some of the dumpiest guys in the world, and you want to know how they did it. Well, here's one of the ways you do it, guys. You work the odds out in your favor. I had a buddy, Philip the Juggler. Philip the Juggler used to go to Vegas, he used to go to Tahoe, he used to do cruise ships, and he would work these shows with the showgirls. And the way these acts work is they're rotating acts. One guy blows in, he does a ventriloquism act, the next guy blows in, he does a bird act, whatever. You blow into town for five, six weeks, there's ten showgirls, and then a bunch of gay guys, choreographers and show guys, basically, and then you have sex with all the girls and blow back out of town. Does it mean you're the best looking guy? Does it mean you're the richest guy? Does it mean you're the most handsome guy? No, it just means you're that guy, and you are seriously outnumbered by the women, and women are very competitive. A dumpy, believe me, if there were your dumpy ass and three of your dumpy friends and one chick, no way, you ain't getting anything. If there's ten beautiful women and just your dumpy ass, and you guys are locked in the same hotel for a month and a half, they're going to be fighting over who gets you. Then in five years, the girl can start dating someone else and tell this guy an embarrassing story about how she slept with your dumpy ass. You got to get in these situations. Everyone listen to me. That's why I tell guys, get start, take those classes and get involved with those things. Where it's not a whole bunch of doofy guys around. Where it's just you and the gay guys and the straight chicks. The point is, is if I can do it, anyone can do it. That's right. We'll take a break.
1:29:45🔗
Caller
Let's check the time real quick over here. We got 11.46 in 25 seconds. That is... Twinkie hole, baby! What the hell is that? That is 13 minutes and 35 seconds. We're in the line around. Hey Casey, we're lighting it up coast to coast, nationwide, with the hottest blood for $5,000, Flamethrower, Titan, Bot, God's nuclear power plant. Casey, what's up there, man? 20 years old, okay, wasn't it?
1:30:32🔗
Caller
Couple weeks ago, I was having sex with a lady, and we were in a hotel room, it was totally dark, I couldn't see anything, and I had a condom on, and when I went to get it on, I was in the bathroom.
1:30:46🔗
Caller
I turned the light on, and my condom was just covered with blood. Obviously, she was administrating or something, you know?
1:30:55🔗
Caller
And I just wanted to know if there's any type of a risk factor for like HIV, You had a condom on.
1:31:03🔗
Caller
Little Texas chainsaw snatcher curve going on there. I've been there, buddy. Yeah, I pulled the plug a few times. I like the laser, I like it all the time. I like my meat rare, you know what I'm saying? I ain't scared to pull the plug on that. I'll tell you what, I like it. It's like a murderer with a pleasure dagger. Let's call it down.
1:31:26🔗
Caller
No, 1148 right now. Straight up 12 minutes away from the top of the hour. 12 minutes, which is why I call this good old part of the dive. You respect the Abilene Loveline. Fascinating, right?
1:31:40🔗
Drew
You had a condom on. There's no, you've never heard me discuss added risk of how you use that condom during your period.
1:31:47🔗
Drew
Even if the condom had fallen off, there's not known to be an excessive or somehow additive risk.
1:31:54🔗
Drew
Actually, the risk is more to her because she can get ascending infections into the uterus.
1:31:58🔗
Caller
That's right. Yeah, I'll go down on there, but it's like a pie-eating kind of thing. I'll tell you what, man, I dare go down and pull that plug.
1:32:13🔗
Caller
I guess this question is for all of you in general. I've been with this girl for about 18 years.
1:32:19🔗
Caller
I gotta get a quick check of the time. It's 1148 and 55 seconds. That's 11 minutes and five minutes away from the top of the average. I'm sorry there, brother. What's going on?
1:32:30🔗
Caller
I'm just getting out of here now and she's giving me an ultimatum in the bedroom because we're starting to run out of things to do and now she's wanting to start having anal sex so I'm not necessarily up for that.
1:32:39🔗
Caller
Sounds like she's going for a strap-on ultimatum. I don't like those but let me tell you something. I ain't gay but I have a lot of things to do. That is a one-way street. You hear me, brother? One-way street. One-way. One-way street, brother. Exit only. You know what I'm saying?
1:33:08🔗
Caller
She's saying that if we don't do that, it's going to really affect the relationship.
1:33:15🔗
Caller
Yeah, she's putting her foot down about the cornhole in there, Drew, and the cornhole and another. I remember my mom told me about that this morning. I put a strap on and I'll do a little cornhole or it's over. But that back is back. Let me check time a little bit.
1:33:43🔗
Caller
Yeah, it was going on. She was going all in. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Whose whose hole was going to get corn, brother? Hers. Oh, she wanted to be with you. Yeah, I see you.
1:34:14🔗
Caller
Exit only. You get it, but one way street. Absolutely. I'm sorry. Exit only, but I was talking to Ryan over here. Ryan is going to about 15 years old. Ryan.
1:34:49🔗
Caller
All right. I'll be the guy with the tootsie roll fashion to a hoop. I'll put it through the fence of the kids. Come on. Come and get it. What time is it? It's 11.51 to 30 seconds straight up. That's eight minutes 30 seconds away from the time of the hour, sir. We're lying in around. Fastest eight minutes of radio. Here we go. I was having a phone. I'm Ace Rockolla.
1:35:16🔗
Caller
Hey, I got a question, man. I like to make people do things that they don't normally want to do.
1:35:21🔗
Caller
What? I like to go up to people that I don't even know and say, hey, you know, what would it take to let me take pictures of you naked?
1:35:31🔗
Caller
No, no. Some people, they think about it for a few minutes. They're like, I know it would take like $100, $200, and if I got it on me, I'd do it. You are an asshole.
1:35:38🔗
Caller
Hey, Ben, let me answer this. There's Ace Rockolla coming at you, brother. Let me answer this one, brother. One of the things you get people to do they don't want to do is answer your lame questions on the national radio show.
1:35:48🔗
Caller
Would that be one of them? No, no. Yeah, you can count it. Count it amongst them now. Let me get the time real quick. A little trick question. Sounds like a dynamite individual. Hey, man, we'll put on some bruskies. Me and you, man. I'll tell you one way. One way by exit only. You hear me? It is 11 52 in 35 seconds. That is 7 minutes and 25 seconds.
1:36:29🔗
Caller
What are you wearing? What are you wearing? Your birthday suit? That's nude. You know what I'm saying? What's going on there, baby?
1:36:43🔗
Caller
And when my relationships start to get like really, really good, You sabotage. I get like scared.
1:36:59🔗
Caller
Do you like slit the guy's brake lines on his car or... Loosen up the hand railing on his balcony or that kind of sabotage?
1:37:21🔗
Drew
This may be that. This may be that rekindling those heavy feelings, those intimate feelings may scare you. It may not want you to be vulnerable.
1:37:29🔗
Drew
You may have some leftover feelings about mom's death that still sort of get rekindled by these relationships when they get close and then you push it away. So you really gotta think about this.
1:37:41🔗
Caller
But don't you worry. We'll be right back with more Loveline live and nationwide right after this.
1:38:22🔗
Adam
Well, there it is, another fantabulous week of Loveline in the earth. I want to thank producer Ann for doing a wonderful job. She's still with the show, right, Drew?
1:38:33🔗
Adam
Ann, producer Ann? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I want to thank, then I should thank her. I want to thank producer Ann for doing a wonderful job all week. I want to thank Lauren for doing a wonderful job.
1:38:41🔗
Drew
If she's listening, she's got to call my house because we have a gift for her kids too.
1:38:44🔗
Adam
Oh, really? I want to thank Lauren for doing a spectacular job on the phone and the coffee and the water and the oral sex, everything. She does it wonderfully and of course the man, the, what's his name, Anderson, the man who no one moves, a potentiometer or a woman quite like Anderson does.
1:39:08🔗
Adam
And yours, which I always think of as a man's genitalia. When someone says to you and yours, I always think it's my junk. So until next time, I'm Sam Crawford, Dr. Drew saying Mahalo. And all you see on the Peckeroo.
1:39:21🔗
This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff, management sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.