Tuesday, November 21, 2000

0:52🔗 It's another Buzz moment of madness.

0:55🔗 Adam Why is it great to be a guy? You don't shave anything below the neck.

0:58🔗 Outrageous Talk Radio.

1:00🔗 Voiceover 100.7 The Buzz. Loveline, this is meant for an adult audience. Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:24🔗 Hey, hey, hey!

1:26🔗 Voiceover It's the Loveline of Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, facts number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician, an addiction medicine specialist. I saw him on Extra tonight.

1:40🔗 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:41🔗 Adam Talking about that sex survey.

1:43🔗 Drew Oh, yeah. How was that?

1:45🔗 Adam Fine.

1:46🔗 Drew Don't gush. Hold back.

1:48🔗 Adam Well, it's like we were talking about when we had Lisa Givens in the studio here, or when I had Lisa Givens in the studio, you're out making money. About two nights ago, they were talking about this sex survey in the Sextra, which is why I couldn't do normal television because I immediately would have squashed that lame name. But the point is, on Extra tonight, they're doing an ongoing thing. They're doing a sex survey. Lisa was reading some of it when she was in here. And it's what is wrong with television and why I actually verbally, audibly yell at the TV at least three times a day, which was they were going over the data from the sex survey with a correspondent. It wasn't you. You came in later. This was another woman. And she was saying one thing that I found fascinating and surprising and very interesting. I was surprised at these results is when we surveyed people, they asked them if they would sleep with their boss in order to get a big promotion. Five percent of women said they would. But here's what was surprising. Fifteen percent of men said they would. And the only reason that surprising is because you hear about women being sexually harassed in the workplace in order to get ahead so on and so forth. I'm surprised it's only fifteen percent of guys. Every guy I know would be willing to bang his female boss in order to get a big promotion and as a matter of fact would look at it as a win-win situation.

3:24🔗 Drew Bonus.

3:24🔗 Adam Yeah. It's like free sex and another hundred grand a year or a bigger desk and a window in my office. Hell yes. What is surprising about that?

3:36🔗 Drew However.

3:37🔗 Adam However, what they should have done is made it a male boss for the men. Yeah. Or they should have stipulated whether it was a male boss or female boss, which they did not do. I think everyone assumed it was a female boss.

3:51🔗 Drew Or at least somebody made it clear that somebody found repulsive.

3:56🔗 Adam Well, that's not part of the survey. The point is, it's not the thing that's surprising is that only 15% of men would do that.

4:03🔗 Drew Yep, that's what's surprising.

4:05🔗 Adam Which means there's a lot more gays in the workplace, although they can do the math too. I mean, I think when you ask somebody, would you have sex with your superior in order to move ahead, whatever your sexual proclivity is, that's the sex of the boss that you hypothetically speak about. Right. Is it not?

4:23🔗 Drew That's right.

4:23🔗 Right.

4:24🔗 Adam 15% seems a little low for guys.

4:26🔗 Yeah.

4:27🔗 Drew Okay. It was a not the most scientifically rigorous study, but it was actually pretty good. It was much better than I thought it was going to be, really, honestly.

4:36🔗 Adam All right.

4:36🔗 Drew Because I was actually complaining about it at first, but they had a pretty good organization, analyzed the data and stuff.

4:41🔗 Adam We have more of that to look forward to? You're going to be on tomorrow night? You have no idea. Drew does some of the best radio when he shrugs his shoulders and holds his hands up in the air.

4:51🔗 Drew But I will be doing filming more next week. I know that. What? I don't know.

4:56🔗 Adam We'll be looking out for you. David Allen Grier came over the house today to box.

5:02🔗 Drew That's nice.

5:03🔗 Adam Yes. We had a lovely bonding.

5:05🔗 Woo!

5:08🔗 Adam He's pretty good. He's been doing it for a while. His form is not bad at all. I've worked with hundreds of people. And I know bad form when I see it. And he was fine. No problem at all.

5:21🔗 Drew So, extra, do you think I should keep doing that?

5:25🔗 Adam Yes, go ahead and do it. I was just thinking of something. As a white guy, it's always weird when the black guy, David Alan Greer, came over and he said, I said, okay, let's do some rounds. I'll hold these punch mittens up. I'll put my little timer up. It'll ring every three minutes. And then it'll ring a minute after that. You have your little rest period. I have my little round timer. You go three minutes on, one minute off. Go about six, seven rounds, something like that. He said, put some music on. Because he always puts some music on, whether it's at the gym or at home, when you're doing a little focus.

5:58🔗 Drew So you put on Highway Star.

6:00🔗 Adam Well, see, that's the thing.

6:01🔗 Drew Deep Purple.

6:01🔗 Adam I immediately started heading into the CD player. I thought, I got to hear some Boston. You know, I got some UFO. I got some Uriah Heap. I got some Deep Purple I'm going to play. Maybe a little Elvis Costello or John Hyde or something. But then I thought to myself, a little Alan Parsons project perhaps. But then I thought, wait a minute, he's a black guy. He's going to think I'm square if I don't put on like, y'all gonna make me lose my head up in here, up in there. I didn't know what to do. I didn't have any ramp or anything.

6:34🔗 Drew You are lame.

6:35🔗 Adam Yeah. So I put on this like a soul Christmas CD and thought, well, there's some Ray Charles on there. Isn't it true though? I admit it.

6:44🔗 Drew Well, it's just because black people are cooler and more artistic, more expressive.

6:49🔗 Adam Yeah. And you feel like, you feel like, like Archie Bunker. If you go put on some white music to box to.

6:59🔗 Drew Yeah. You know what they must say.

7:00🔗 Adam I was scared that he did start making fun of my music immediately.

7:03🔗 Drew But you remind me one of the really kind of interesting historical pieces, aspects of this century is that really every advancement in music of this century, African-American.

7:13🔗 Adam Yeah.

7:13🔗 Drew And yet attributed to a white guy.

7:15🔗 Adam Oh, how dare you?

7:16🔗 Drew No, like Elvis.

7:17🔗 Adam No, let me take that.

7:18🔗 Drew Elvis did not. Elvis came out of a Southern.

7:20🔗 Adam Blacks, they hang, they got more time to hang out more. And they got more time to write. That's, that's pure and simple. White man's out. He's at work all day. You see what I'm saying?

7:30🔗 I've been blind, deaf and dumb.

7:32🔗 Drew Thank you.

7:32🔗 Can't take it Adam.

7:34🔗 Drew Thank you, Doug.

7:35🔗 Robert.

7:36🔗 Drew Yeah. One thing, Rob, before you start, but Anderson was telling me, remember that call we had a few nights ago where the woman who woke up and her whole family was being murdered by her sister's boyfriend?

7:45🔗 Adam Yes.

7:46🔗 Drew Apparently we had a call from the local police. Can I talk about this? Local police department.

7:50🔗 Adam Anderson's saying no, but go ahead.

7:52🔗 Drew Local police department.

7:52🔗 Adam Yes, this was.

7:53🔗 Drew You hear about this?

7:54🔗 Adam No, this was last week, right? Yes. A woman called in, late teens, 17, 18.

8:02🔗 Drew She was in college, remember? She was like 19, 19.

8:04🔗 Adam Yes, junior college, if I recall, which again should not have the word college. It should just be called junior, junior school. That's fine with me. So she called in and she said, she said that her father and her two sisters and one brother, I believe, were all killed by her sister's boyfriend, correct? And that she was spared and her mother was spared, although she was stabbed or something, maybe tied up or something like that. Shut up, damn it! And maybe the sister whose boyfriend it was, was killed too.

8:44🔗 Drew No, she made it, I think.

8:45🔗 Adam Oh, she made it?

8:45🔗 Drew Yeah.

8:46🔗 Adam I couldn't remember it exactly. And we started questioning her about it and she said, well, it was because her parents were getting divorced.

8:52🔗 Drew And that they pretended to rob them and it went bad.

8:55🔗 Adam Or something.

8:56🔗 Drew Yeah, and that's what it was. Remember, they were going to pretend to rob them because they were getting divorced and it just didn't go the way they wanted it to.

9:01🔗 Adam But she basically said the guy killed them because they were getting divorced.

9:04🔗 Drew It was bizarre. I mean, her thinking was all twisted.

9:08🔗 Adam Yes, indeed it was.

9:09🔗 Drew And that's what we kept going at. We kept saying what something is missing or something big.

9:13🔗 Adam Right.

9:13🔗 Drew And apparently local police called and were amazed this woman had not discussed this with anyone.

9:19🔗 Adam Oh, really?

9:19🔗 Drew And they were very interested.

9:20🔗 Adam Anderson is telling us to be quiet. Why can't we talk about this? Come on, Anderson, get on the mic or get go to the bathroom or something.

9:28🔗 I don't know. It's like all hearsay at this point. I was never given permission to even tell Drew, I don't think.

9:33🔗 Adam Yeah, but you weren't told not to tell Drew, were you?

9:36🔗 Dude, technicalities. Come on.

9:37🔗 Adam Oh, Anderson, what are you worried about? You got some pot in the car or something? What do you got? More pot?

9:43🔗 It's in the radiator. Okay.

9:44🔗 Adam Yeah, that's why there's cars over eating. Anderson drives a car with more miles on it than the space shuttle. It's got several million miles on it. It's great. Yeah. You got to just get a sale for that thing, Anderson. Save yourself some money.

10:01🔗 You go no go for lunch.

10:02🔗 Adam All right. So I don't know another another another in the long line of bizarre love line calls. But you know, let me tell you the beauty of me. I I'm like a circus animal in terms of my memory. I just remember what went on this day.

10:17🔗 Drew Yeah.

10:17🔗 Adam And I didn't even think about that. I never thought about it again. You don't look back, but you can remember it like, oh, yeah, I can remember it if somebody jogs my memory. So anyway, I guess the authorities contacted Anderson and told him that that information had not been revealed yet.

10:32🔗 Drew They need to hear it. They need to hear the tape.

10:34🔗 Adam Oh, they do. I didn't say anything bad about the Culver City PD, did I?

10:38🔗 Drew I just wasn't Culver City. Oh, okay.

10:39🔗 Adam All right. Here we go.

10:40🔗 Drew There you are again, thinking that if we're discussing something, it must have pertained to your locale.

10:44🔗 Adam That's right. Well, no, you said local authorities.

10:47🔗 Drew Local in her.

10:48🔗 Adam Yeah, I understand that now. But you understand when you say the local authorities got hold of us. I thought it was these local authorities. Where did you, where was she calling from? Do we ever find out? Anderson. That's good radio, Anderson. Robert.

11:01🔗 Drew You're learning from me.

11:02🔗 Adam I know.

11:03🔗 How are you doing?

11:03🔗 Adam Good.

11:05🔗 A long-term listener. Been listening since you guys, since the 70s.

11:09🔗 Adam Great.

11:10🔗 Drew Since the 70s?

11:11🔗 Adam Yeah, Drew, you hit the air in the 70s, didn't you? Wow.

11:14🔗 Late 70s. Yeah, back with poor man on K-Rock. Anyways, listen, here's a good question for you. I've been listening for years. I've never heard this question. That's why I had to call it up because I got a problem. All right. Yeah, it's simple. Every time, how do you put it, Adam? I'm a little nervous.

11:35🔗 Adam Oh, man.

11:37🔗 Okay, here it is. Every time you squeeze one off, all right, or every time I squeeze one off, the next day, I have real bad luck.

11:44🔗 Adam Really? Yep.

11:46🔗 Ever since I was a little kid. Oh, I mean, since I started, I started way back.

11:50🔗 Drew So you stopped masturbating because of this?

11:52🔗 Yeah.

11:53🔗 Dude, you beat off?

11:54🔗 Adam I may have that problem too. I just don't know because every day it's all evens out. It's all relative.

11:59🔗 Yeah. Well, you may think it's just bad luck, whatever, but it's actually curbed my appetite for it, so to speak.

12:05🔗 Adam Okay. How often do you masturbate?

12:08🔗 Oh, hell, no, it's rare just because I don't, you know, I'm so busy. I don't want bad luck the next day. That's how bad it is.

12:16🔗 Drew So you never had bad luck?

12:18🔗 Well, pretty much.

12:19🔗 Adam You ever jack off under a ladder or break a mirror with your semen?

12:24🔗 By any means.

12:25🔗 Adam Hold on a sec.

12:26🔗 Drew With a black cap?

12:27🔗 Adam He's not superstitious by any means. It's just he won't jack off because he'll be cursed the next day. Yeah. Let me tell you something. That is, that is the definition of superstitious.

12:41🔗 Yeah, I know. Hey guys.

12:43🔗 Adam Robert, are you drunk?

12:44🔗 No, I know it's the definition of superstitious, but I just, I just deducted this after years of doing this. Sure.

12:52🔗 Adam What do you do for a living?

12:54🔗 I was an engineer. Now I'm doing what you used to do. I'm construction.

12:57🔗 Adam I see. So life's not going that well.

13:00🔗 Oh, it's excellent.

13:01🔗 Adam Oh, it is? You're doing construction?

13:03🔗 No, I'm like a developer. I own the whole business the whole day.

13:07🔗 Adam All right. So you don't, you don't want to spoil a good thing by whacking off.

13:10🔗 Now I'm married, two kids.

13:12🔗 Adam I see.

13:13🔗 It's my own personal thing.

13:14🔗 Adam Yeah. Tell us when the last time you whacked off was.

13:18🔗 Oh, hell, like two days ago. No, I shoot for Saturdays because Sundays, I'm not doing anything.

13:24🔗 Adam Right.

13:25🔗 So if it's bad luck on Sunday, you know, going to church, how can that be bad luck?

13:28🔗 Drew But you're, but you're married.

13:30🔗 Correct.

13:30🔗 Drew Does this happen after you ejaculate with your wife?

13:34🔗 No.

13:35🔗 Drew And how often do you have sex with your wife?

13:36🔗 Oh, it's rare. Well, she just had a kid, so it's understandable.

13:41🔗 Adam So you're saying if you jacked off, if you jacked off on a Monday morning, you might then head in to work and get a 220 volts going through or something like that, right?

13:50🔗 Exactly. Or maybe 2773 phase.

13:54🔗 Drew Well, more I'm concerned with this marriage that is...

13:57🔗 Adam Well, look, she just had a kid of a genus all out of order.

14:01🔗 How old is she? No, she's breastfeeding and the whole bit and she's not in the mood, so...

14:04🔗 Adam I understand. Okay. Robert?

14:07🔗 Kid number two, so I mean...

14:08🔗 Adam Listen, genius, start whacking off. You have to overcome, as they say. You must stare... Listen.

14:14🔗 Adam, I started back when you did. 54 is the year we were both born, right? I started way back... I've been listening to you.

14:21🔗 Drew Way back when you did. 54?

14:22🔗 This has just been happening over the years.

14:24🔗 Drew Well, well, 54? 64.

14:26🔗 Adam Sound like you said 54, too, but I did the math.

14:29🔗 I went to North Hollywood, but I was close. But anyways... You're gay.

14:33🔗 Adam All right. He's an idiot. Oh my God. I'd kill myself. I'd spend five minutes with him. And listen, I don't hang around with guys that don't jack off.

14:42🔗 Drew I've noticed that.

14:43🔗 Adam I don't consider it normal.

14:45🔗 Drew Do you beat off? They're not worthy of your time.

14:48🔗 Adam No, you know how it is. There's certain people who may have certain sensibilities that don't bode with your own. Maybe they're Republicans. Maybe they're Democrats. Maybe they're in the Klan.

15:00🔗 Drew God, it just gives me a new notion for a new party.

15:04🔗 Adam You would not hang out with those people. Listen, you gotta look danger in the eye or at least avoid it hitting you in the eye. You whack off Sunday night and you're going to work Monday. That's all. Jackass. John?

15:19🔗 Yes.

15:19🔗 Adam You're 20.

15:21🔗 Caller Yeah, is that true?

15:22🔗 Hey, John. Yeah.

15:24🔗 Adam How's it going, Snowder?

15:27🔗 Caller Um, yeah, I got a little problem.

15:29🔗 Caller I'm 20 years old and I've never had an orgasm.

15:32🔗 Drew But you smoked a little pot, though.

15:34🔗 Caller No, I'm just tired.

15:35🔗 Caller I've never done drugs in my whole life.

15:37🔗 Caller Really?

15:38🔗 Adam No drugs, no orgasms?

15:40🔗 Caller No drugs, no alcohol.

15:42🔗 Adam Jesus Christ.

15:43🔗 Drew Not even no nocturnal emission?

15:46🔗 Caller Well, yeah, when I'm sleeping, that's the only time.

15:49🔗 Drew You have wet dreams?

15:50🔗 Caller Yeah.

15:50🔗 Drew Have you tried to masturbate?

15:52🔗 Caller Yeah, I've tried.

15:54🔗 Caller Probably like, I haven't tried any time.

15:57🔗 It was probably the last time, it was like a year and a half ago.

16:00🔗 Adam Jesus Christ. What are you, a Jehovah's Witness or something?

16:04🔗 Caller No.

16:05🔗 Adam Why don't you drink or take drugs?

16:07🔗 Caller I just don't because my family is like all losers now because of alcohol and drugs and they have nothing.

16:14🔗 Adam I see.

16:14🔗 I don't want to end up like them.

16:15🔗 Adam Well, listen, my family are all losers and never stopped me from taking a nip or dropping some acid.

16:21🔗 Drew Yeah, but your family is not losers because of drugs and alcohol. No, which is just losers. Worse.

16:26🔗 Adam Worse, I say, because if you're an alcoholic, at least you can quit.

16:29🔗 Drew Right.

16:30🔗 Adam And then the inference is you'll get back on the road to success. Right. My family is still called soul burn losers. That's tough. Yeah. Hey, John.

16:41🔗 Caller Yeah.

16:42🔗 Adam Can you masturbate?

16:44🔗 Caller I've tried, but I don't think it'll do anything. Girls have tried.

16:47🔗 Caller I've had sex, but that was like two years ago.

16:50🔗 Adam Anything come out?

16:51🔗 Nothing.

16:52🔗 Adam Nothing.

16:53🔗 Yeah.

16:54🔗 Adam Anything we should know about your penis?

16:56🔗 No.

16:57🔗 Adam Never got slammed in a cab door or anything like that?

17:00🔗 Drew No. No trauma growing up of any kind?

17:03🔗 No.

17:03🔗 Adam Do you have any pornography?

17:07🔗 Drew Yeah.

17:07🔗 Adam Can I have it? If you're not using it? No.

17:12🔗 Drew Are you on any medication?

17:13🔗 Caller No, I don't take any drugs. I don't need to take aspirin.

17:16🔗 I don't get headaches or anything like that.

17:17🔗 Drew Okay.

17:17🔗 Adam Do you have a porn movie?

17:20🔗 Caller No.

17:20🔗 Adam Well, listen, get yourself a porn movie, put it on your VCR and have at yourself.

17:26🔗 Caller I don't think it'll work.

17:27🔗 Adam It won't work with that attitude.

17:30🔗 Caller No, I've tried.

17:32🔗 Adam Listen.

17:32🔗 Drew Are you interested in sex?

17:33🔗 Adam You're not trying hard enough. You got to jump start. You're nuts.

17:36🔗 Drew He's gay.

17:37🔗 Caller Are you gay? You sure?

17:39🔗 Yeah.

17:40🔗 Caller Hmm.

17:41🔗 I have gay friends.

17:44🔗 Adam Listen, you're gay by process of elimination right now. You understand? You're gay until proven innocent. You understand? You're gay by default. Listen, get yourself some porn and whack yourself off. What kind of job is this?

18:01🔗 Drew This is very similar to what you were talking about earlier.

18:03🔗 Adam I'm yelling at teenagers. Listen, mister, don't try my patience. You march right on down to the less sex shop. You grab yourself a big jugs video and you go home and you beat your meat feverishly. Thank you. Let's move on to our next caller. See if we can help him out. Peter.

18:21🔗 Caller Yeah, gentlemen, gentlemen.

18:23🔗 Adam You're 28. Hold on. Are there any girls calling this show? Or is it dude night tonight?

18:28🔗 Drew It's currently dude night. All right.

18:29🔗 Adam Well, at least Peter's lucid. What's up, Peter?

18:33🔗 Caller Gentlemen, two words. Radio gods.

18:35🔗 Adam Oh, well, thank you very much.

18:37🔗 Caller Yeah, I listened to that pristine penis show. I'm just kind of curious. Is it a circumcised or uncircumcised?

18:43🔗 Adam Well, it's a it's a it's a long story.

18:46🔗 Drew It's a rework. Rework. Retool.

18:52🔗 Caller Okay. Problem is, I'm twirly.

18:55🔗 Adam My penis is technically uncircumcised, but it basically became circumcised, not through any not through any act of of of of a of a doctor, but act of God act. I like to think of somewhere when I was like in the sixth grade or something, the foreskin kind of slid back and it just stayed there.

19:19🔗 Drew It lost its foreskin.

19:20🔗 Adam So it seems like it's circumcised, even though it's technically not. Would you like me to fax you over a picture? Are you okay?

19:28🔗 Caller No, no, I'm fine.

19:29🔗 Adam Okay.

19:29🔗 Caller I don't know about Dr. Drew. Has he mentioned anything yet?

19:32🔗 About what?

19:33🔗 Caller Circumcised or uncircumcised? Uncircumcised. Same here.

19:37🔗 Adam Oh, wait a minute. Drew, you're circumcised, right?

19:39🔗 Drew Oh, I thought you were talking about your door. Oh, yeah.

19:41🔗 Adam Yeah, Drew is. That's why he had his kids done. Whatever a guy wants his son's penis to look the same as his own. Even if they don't talk about it.

19:51🔗 Yeah.

19:52🔗 Caller My question is about Viagra. I'm 28, single. Last six months, I've had three occasions to use Viagra.

20:01🔗 Drew Why would you use it?

20:02🔗 Caller I'm sorry?

20:03🔗 Drew Why would you use it?

20:04🔗 Caller I don't know. The first time was just to experience it. Just to experience it. And I didn't have any extra sensations like that. It was just my penis felt a lot fuller. And the second time was just, you know, second time around kind of thing. I used it just a few days ago. And I'm not sure if I'm building like some kind of immunity, but it didn't work. And unfortunately at the time I was with two girls at the same time. And they're really, really patient, you know, God bless her heart. But I just couldn't get it up.

20:35🔗 How dare you?

20:36🔗 Caller They get me up there, get me going and everything, but I just couldn't finish. And I'm just wondering, am I taking too low a dose? Am I taking too much?

20:44🔗 Whoa, whoa, whoa.

20:45🔗 Drew Did you have trouble getting an erection or do you have trouble ejaculating?

20:49🔗 Caller I had an erection, held it for maybe a minute, two minutes, tried different positions, different things, and I will lose it. Maybe it was the pressure of being with two at the same time or...

21:00🔗 Adam What's your nationality?

21:01🔗 Drew Yeah, that accent.

21:02🔗 Caller Hispanic.

21:03🔗 Adam Really?

21:04🔗 Caller Yeah.

21:04🔗 Drew Two. Oh, it's a weird one. Meets a Scandinavian.

21:08🔗 Adam Yeah. All right, so where are you from?

21:11🔗 Drew Sven, Brazil.

21:11🔗 Caller Well, I would not really say, well, Texas.

21:14🔗 Adam Come on.

21:14🔗 Drew Texas.

21:15🔗 Adam Oh, I see. All right. Swam that Rio Grande, huh?

21:18🔗 Caller Yeah.

21:19🔗 Adam All right. So the penis is the penis. You never had any difficulty with it before.

21:25🔗 Caller No, no.

21:26🔗 Adam Right. How did you coax two women into the sack?

21:29🔗 Caller Well, strippers money.

21:32🔗 Adam I see you paid them something like that. How much does it cost?

21:36🔗 Caller Uh, it was a hundred each.

21:39🔗 Drew Something like that was a hundred each.

21:41🔗 Adam Not bad.

21:42🔗 Caller No, not bad. Got a good deal.

21:43🔗 Adam You get a break after five. You know, Draco drops down to 75 a piece after five hookers.

21:49🔗 Caller Something like that.

21:49🔗 Adam Okay. And by the way, when you're paying a chick to have sex with her, she becomes a hooker. It's not stripper anymore.

21:54🔗 Caller And it's not something like that.

21:56🔗 Adam If you're banging two librarians, they're hookers. Because you paid them to have sex, therefore you are now a hooker. But Peter, you were kind of freaked out. And now let me ask you this, Drew.

22:07🔗 Drew Yeah.

22:08🔗 Adam The Viagra, does that just help with the erection itself?

22:12🔗 Drew That's it.

22:12🔗 Adam Or it does not affect the ejaculation?

22:14🔗 Drew No.

22:15🔗 Adam It will not stave it off?

22:17🔗 Drew No.

22:17🔗 Adam See, here's what I think the misconception is. I think people think Viagra is a sex pill.

22:25🔗 Drew Right.

22:25🔗 Adam Which is, yes, my erection is fine, I have no problem with that, but I want to last longer. I want it to feel better. I want it to shoot farther. I want this, I want that. They think it's a sex pill.

22:39🔗 Drew Although women do report high levels of arousal.

22:42🔗 Adam But for men...

22:43🔗 Drew For men, it's men that don't have a medical problem. That is to say, a reason to take the Viagra, such as diabetes or side effect of medications that they need to overcome. They have a problem with erection for which the Viagra is useful. If you don't have a problem of the Viagra's treating, the Viagra tends to make things uncomfortable. Most people report discomfort, unpleasant, using the Viagra. Really? Man, yeah.

23:08🔗 Adam Hmm.

23:09🔗 Drew All right. It's a painful, uncomfortable erection well beyond what you want it to go on. Painful erection that will not go away.

23:15🔗 Adam So this is not a Viagra-related problem. Although he could have screwed his chemistry up a little by taking it in the past.

23:21🔗 Drew You worry and God knows he may, yeah. What if he was doing other stuff at the time?

23:24🔗 Adam Eh, he was probably drunk.

23:26🔗 Drew He was on speed.

23:27🔗 Adam Speed, really? Peter?

23:29🔗 Caller Yeah, no, no, I wasn't in anything.

23:30🔗 Adam You weren't drunk?

23:31🔗 Caller No, I wasn't.

23:32🔗 Adam Geez, you're stone cold sober. You go out and pick up a couple of hookers?

23:36🔗 Caller Yeah, and then try the Viagra, but I...

23:38🔗 Adam This wasn't during the day, was it?

23:39🔗 Caller It was kind of late afternoon.

23:41🔗 Adam Jesus Christ. Don't tell me it was Sunday.

23:44🔗 Caller No, no, it wasn't.

23:45🔗 Adam Because, you know, that's my people's Sabbath. And you're people's too. You're Catholic, right?

23:50🔗 Yeah.

23:50🔗 Adam Yeah.

23:51🔗 Yeah.

23:51🔗 Adam Okay, listen. Jesus Christ, you've got some kind of libido on you. I understand all this stuff when you're loaded. I think it's four in the morning. You think it's a good idea. But 3.30 on a Tuesday. Stone cold sober. That's huevos, my friend. Yeah. All right. Your penis is fine. I think you got in a little over your head. You heard the, you know, you get those hookers going and there's a little performance anxiety because A, you ain't going to get another crack at them and B, the meter's running. You gotta get going. Mind starts racing. The vagina is still warm from some trucker banging them half hour earlier. You know what I'm saying?

24:30🔗 Drew I hear you.

24:30🔗 Adam You still see the circle on the smaller back where he sent, said his Zima bottle down when he was working or from behind. See what I'm saying?

24:40🔗 Drew I'm listening.

24:41🔗 Adam Yeah. You've been there. Those truckers love Zima. You got a call or we going to break?

24:46🔗 Drew We're going to break.

24:48🔗 Adam Good times. All right. When we come back, Drew.

24:51🔗 Drew Yeah.

24:51🔗 Adam Who are we going to talk to? Yeah. Poncho. I love that name. Poncho is 15, always masturbates to Pink Floyd. Oh, Jesus Christ. How many jack off calls are we going to take tonight, Drew? It's in your honor. Would you find Sarah, would you line up some chicks who want a boob reduction or something? For Christ's sake, I'm going gay over here. I'm going to sprout another asshole. Please. We'll be back.

25:42🔗 You're listening to Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio.

25:45🔗 100.7 The Bust.

25:59🔗 Adam Let's see what it was. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. We just handed a box with a present in it. So, oh yeah, I got myself a Shine Award. Wait a minute, I got a can of cranberry sauce. How dare they? Where's my can of cranberry sauce? How dare they? Where's my Shine Award? Son of a bitch. We got a box. Drew got his Shine Award. That's a war award they give away for excellence in media. Well, media. The Responsibility in Media, Loveline, the TV show, I think, gets it for being the only show on TV that talks about teenagers being pregnant. And Drew's one of the last. Hey, Drew, what do you have? Three now? Three in a row? I have three in a row, too, although I've not gotten the last two. The other one's in the other room. All right, so I got two out of three. The third is still floating around the office of our producers. Phone number, 1-800-V-E-1-9-1. We're going to talk to Poncho.

26:58🔗 Drew Oh yeah, what did you say?

26:59🔗 Adam Poncho?

27:00🔗 Caller Poncho.

27:01🔗 Adam Poncho, you're 15.

27:02🔗 Caller Yes, sir, I am.

27:03🔗 Adam What's up?

27:04🔗 Caller Well, one day I was just listening.

27:07🔗 Drew Poncho is not a virgin.

27:10🔗 Adam Let me hear him a little more.

27:12🔗 Caller One day I was just listening to my classic rock station there. I started playing some pink porn. I was already jerking off to some pure porn.

27:19🔗 Adam What kind of porn?

27:20🔗 Caller Computer porn.

27:21🔗 Adam Oh, computer porn, right?

27:22🔗 Caller I was just listening to classic rock and Pink Floyd came on.

27:27🔗 Got this sudden rush of adrenaline.

27:29🔗 Caller And I just like, I just, everywhere. Everywhere. Everywhere.

27:32🔗 It was just so good.

27:33🔗 Adam Right. I mean, if you were standing outside of your room in the yard, it would look like someone put a M-80 under a, in a one gallon bucket of buttermilk, right? Just all over the curtains, pow! All over the windows. Uh-huh. What, what Pink Floyd song?

27:54🔗 Money.

27:55🔗 Adam Money. Really? Yeah. Money shot.

27:57🔗 Caller It was a money shot.

27:58🔗 Adam All right. So what's your question?

28:00🔗 Caller I was just wondering how normal that is. I mean, if that's a regular thing.

28:06🔗 Adam That's fine.

28:07🔗 Caller Fine?

28:07🔗 Adam Yes. You start jacking off to comfortably numb and call us back. All right? Because that's... I already do that.

28:14🔗 Caller The second guitar solo that gets me going.

28:16🔗 Adam All right. All right, Pancho. Enjoy your penis. Wow. He doesn't want it. Is there an answer to that?

28:21🔗 Drew No. That's why there's not a question. You know what I mean?

28:23🔗 What happened to you?

28:24🔗 Adam Steve?

28:24🔗 Drew Steve?

28:25🔗 Hello?

28:26🔗 Adam You're 23.

28:27🔗 Caller How you doing?

28:27🔗 Adam What's up?

28:28🔗 Caller Okay. I was just concerned about my glands. And I was wondering if it was possible if the glands could become so swollen that you become gay.

28:40🔗 Adam Sure.

28:40🔗 Drew What glands are you talking about?

28:42🔗 Caller You know, the ones under your neck.

28:44🔗 Drew And what does that have to do with sexual preference?

28:47🔗 Adam Your penis couldn't fit in if it got too swollen.

28:51🔗 Caller That's what I'm concerned about.

28:52🔗 Adam Your penis wouldn't come back down again.

28:54🔗 Caller No. No. Honestly, to tell you the truth, for the past few years, I've just been experiencing swollen glands like all the time. My mom has thyroid problems.

29:04🔗 Drew Yeah. But that's thyroid. These are lymph glands you're talking about.

29:07🔗 Caller Correct. Right.

29:08🔗 Drew Yeah. So why hasn't that not been evaluated? It could be Hodgkin's disease, could be lymphoma, could be infection, could be TB. The list of potential could be HIV. The list of potential causes of that is a mile long. Yeah.

29:21🔗 Adam They'll sleep like a baby tonight.

29:22🔗 Drew Well, it's bizarre that somebody would have that and not have it evaluated.

29:25🔗 Adam So go to the doctor.

29:26🔗 Drew Three medication side effects can do that.

29:28🔗 Adam Can we talk to a chick for Christ's sake? It's been goofball guy night.

29:34🔗 Well, I was wondering like, like what type, what's more?

29:41🔗 Adam Yeah, you're right. We shouldn't talk to women either. Is there a third sex we could talk to? Katie?

29:47🔗 Katie, hello?

29:48🔗 Adam You're 18. What's up?

29:49🔗 Caller Hi guys.

29:50🔗 Caller First, I just want to say Adam, like, oh my God, I just love you so much. Like every night I just listen to you and you just make me laugh every night. And it's like the best part of my day.

29:57🔗 Adam Really? You know, I was watching. Thank you.

29:59🔗 Drew I'm not saying much about her day, by the way.

30:01🔗 Adam I was watching. She's incarcerated. I was watching the extra sex survey.

30:10🔗 Drew My piece?

30:11🔗 Adam Tonight. The piece that Drew did. Yeah. Peace is the right term if you put the O S at the end of it. Peace.

30:21🔗 Caller Oh, shh.

30:24🔗 Adam I was watching Drew's piece and he was saying, well, I actually floated my theory, which is men break women down physically into two parts of face and body. Thanks for the I did.

30:36🔗 Drew I did give it to you. They didn't put that in.

30:38🔗 Adam Oh, they must have cut that part out.

30:40🔗 Drew No, I did. Yeah, I know.

30:42🔗 Adam After the camera stopped, you said it to one of the PAs. They did. They cut that part out. But the point is, is women look for sense of humor, A, number one, which is nonsense because they've always had a delightful sense of humor. Never has it translated into one ounce of punta.

30:59🔗 Caller That's what I look for in guys.

31:00🔗 Adam Yeah. That's what women say they look for in a guy. But they never do. They never seem to find it. Or you know what it is. They think, they think guys who shave themselves are funny. Well, here's the deal, quite frankly. Everyone says, every woman says, I love a guy with a great sense of humor.

31:19🔗 Drew Yeah. Those are the right guy.

31:21🔗 Adam Those goofball playboy twins we had in here probably lists that at the top.

31:24🔗 Drew They said something like that, remember?

31:26🔗 Adam Yeah.

31:27🔗 Drew Yeah.

31:27🔗 Adam Yeah. But you know who they think is funny?

31:31🔗 Drew Hugh.

31:32🔗 Adam Hugh Hefner.

31:33🔗 Drew Yeah.

31:33🔗 Adam He's a laugh riot. And Dolph Lundgren comes in a close second. And I think Lorenzo Lamas Jr. may be third. Do you know what I'm saying?

31:44🔗 Drew Yes, I do.

31:45🔗 Adam Actually, I don't think he's a junior. But here's what I'm saying. It's sense of humor. But who's sense of humor? It's subjective.

31:52🔗 Drew It's not Carrot Top.

31:54🔗 Adam Well, I don't know. Yeah. All right. So you like it. So girls like a sense of humor. Then they like face. Then they like personality.

32:03🔗 Drew And the stature's got to be in there, too, or position in life. Yeah.

32:07🔗 Adam Well, that's what the sex or survey said. Sense of humor, face, personality.

32:13🔗 Drew No, but the personality was broken down. Didn't give them the right options, really.

32:18🔗 Adam Katie.

32:18🔗 Caller Yeah.

32:19🔗 Adam What's up?

32:20🔗 Caller Okay. This is kind of weird.

32:22🔗 Caller I put mentholatum, do you know what that is? It's like, it's kind of like Vicks Vaporub. I put it like all over my face and in my eyes and stuff. And I started doing it like people do it at raves when they take ecstasy and stuff.

32:33🔗 Caller Why? Why?

32:34🔗 Caller Why?

32:35🔗 Caller Well, it's like the fumes just feel weird and it makes my eyes water. I don't know. I just like, I do it all the time.

32:40🔗 Caller And I was wondering if that was like going to blind me or anything horrible or if it's horrible.

32:44🔗 Drew I'm certain it's not going to be good for your corneas and can irritate the hell out of your conjunctiva. I'm not.

32:49🔗 Caller It's not good. Like breathing the fumes, because I just.

32:50🔗 Drew No, the breathing part, I don't know that it does anything other than just sort of irritate your upper airway.

32:55🔗 Adam Hold on, Retardiac. You put them, you put the mentholatum in your eyes, in your eyes. You can't put it in your eyes.

33:04🔗 Caller I put it like on the bottom of my eyelashes, like the bottom eyelashes and the fumes just like hit your eyes really hard and people blow in your face and do all this weird stuff. And I just started doing it. And now it's like I do it when I'm stoned and stuff. But I do it like all the time now. It's just I don't know. It's weird. It's like addictive or something. And I just I don't know.

33:20🔗 Drew I wonder what it does for people. This is the first time I've heard of this.

33:23🔗 Adam No, I've heard of this.

33:24🔗 Drew Really?

33:24🔗 Adam Yes. You get high on the X and it just gives you a sensation. You become your certain senses become heightened.

33:32🔗 Drew It also may. It may sort of be coupled with the experience, other reinforcing conditions. In other words, if you have an experience that's really delightful and whatever else you're doing to yourself that is sort of remarkable at that time becomes coupled with that very highly enjoyable experience. So you sort of put those two things together as enjoyable, even though it may be lame and ridiculous.

33:51🔗 Adam If you're really high on Axe and you're at a great rave and you're with all your friends and you ordered the world's crampiest pizza, you'd say it was the best pizza you ever had.

34:00🔗 Drew And you may want to have that pizza every time if it gives you a special experience.

34:02🔗 Adam And you may have that reaction every time because of this situation and the surroundings. Katie, easy on the eyes with the with the mental ailment. Don't go crazy with the axe and the weed for Christ's sake. What do you plan on doing for a living?

34:18🔗 Caller Modeling. Oh, really? Yeah.

34:20🔗 Adam Eighteen, huh?

34:21🔗 Drew Where do you live?

34:22🔗 Caller Huh?

34:23🔗 Adam Where do you live?

34:24🔗 Caller In California, in Central California, in the Valley.

34:27🔗 Adam Central Valley?

34:28🔗 Caller Yeah.

34:28🔗 Drew Like Bakersfield. You know what?

34:31🔗 Caller Not far from Bakersfield.

34:32🔗 Drew All right, Modesto.

34:33🔗 Adam So the garden spot of the country.

34:36🔗 Drew You understand what ecstasy does to people's brains, right?

34:38🔗 Caller Yeah, I rarely actually do that.

34:41🔗 Caller That's the first time I ever did the mental aid and stuff. I mostly get stoned into it.

34:45🔗 Adam How's the modeling going?

34:47🔗 Caller It's OK. I'm just barely getting started.

34:49🔗 Adam What are you doing?

34:49🔗 Caller Taking my pictures and stuff.

34:50🔗 Adam What's up with modeling school? Is that just some kind of scam?

34:54🔗 Caller I went to modeling school.

34:57🔗 Adam What do you do at modeling school?

34:58🔗 Caller Nothing really.

34:59🔗 Adam You learn how to walk with a book on your head?

35:01🔗 Caller No.

35:02🔗 Caller No, we just, they tell you how to do makeup and stuff.

35:05🔗 Caller It's not that great.

35:06🔗 Adam Oh, really?

35:07🔗 Caller Yeah.

35:08🔗 Adam Those things are a scam. Modeling school, you know what they should really tell you? Listen, today's lesson plan, how to hold still while Arab oil sheiks bang the bejesus out of you and do a coke off your belly. And then lesson number two, French gay temperamental photographer throws hissy fit. Here's how to cope. I could teach you. Here's how you vomit. Here's how you do heroin. Uh-oh. There's an actor three times your age. He's shown up at one of the modeling shows and he's trying to get your phone number. Here's what you do. Modeling school. What the hell goes on over there? There used to be a great one called Barber's On. Is it still around?

35:54🔗 Drew I don't know.

35:54🔗 Adam I used to watch those commercials. Drew, what's going on over there?

35:57🔗 Drew I found something.

35:59🔗 Adam I used to watch commercials. You know, I used to stay home from school.

36:03🔗 Drew Really?

36:03🔗 Adam Yeah.

36:04🔗 Drew You weren't constantly sort of...

36:06🔗 Adam Shocking.

36:07🔗 Drew I thought you were just enraptured by your studies.

36:09🔗 Adam No, no. I used to stay home. I wasn't much of a student, believe it or not.

36:15🔗 Drew No.

36:15🔗 Adam As I was telling you the other day, in my junior high and high school and grade school, I can not remember where the building, the place that they kept the books was. What's that place?

36:29🔗 Drew Bibliotheca. Library.

36:33🔗 Adam Which what?

36:33🔗 Drew The bookstore.

36:34🔗 Adam Library?

36:34🔗 Drew The whole place.

36:35🔗 Adam Say it again.

36:36🔗 Drew Library. Library.

36:38🔗 Adam Library.

36:38🔗 Drew There you go.

36:39🔗 Adam That's where they keep the books?

36:40🔗 Drew Yeah.

36:42🔗 Adam It doesn't even have the word book in it. The point is, is I'd stay home and watch commercials. See the Barberson School of Modeling commercials. And they would take, along with the Wally Thorpe School of Trucking commercials, which was great.

36:54🔗 Drew Duteson's.

36:55🔗 Adam And Duteson School of Trucking, too. In 1964, $10 would buy you this many groceries. Hold up a big grocery bag. In 1975, it bought this many. It's like a half bag of groceries. I used to watch a commercial. I was 11. I go, what the F does that mean? That's not getting me into trucking, Wally. I'm going to be an attorney if that's the only amount of groceries I can buy. Why does that make you want to be a trucker? So get to trucking. Point is, is they would say, you can either be a model or just look like one. And I thought, yeah, that's me. Katie?

37:35🔗 Caller Yeah?

37:35🔗 Adam So do you just look like a model or are you going to be one?

37:37🔗 Caller I want to be one.

37:38🔗 Caller I went to Barbazone School.

37:40🔗 Adam How much is that? How much is that?

37:42🔗 Caller It's like, gosh, it's almost $2,000. And I don't think it's worth it.

37:46🔗 Drew School for scam?

37:47🔗 Caller I don't want to say that about the school.

37:49🔗 Adam Makeup application? What else do you learn?

37:51🔗 Caller We do a runway show.

37:52🔗 Caller They just like, we practice rendering and just, they tell you about modeling and stuff, but well, I don't want to dog on the school, so I won't say anything.

38:00🔗 Adam Are you tall?

38:01🔗 Caller I'm about 5'7.

38:02🔗 Adam I see. All right, what was your question? Oh yeah, you're doing drugs. Easy on the drugs. You'll never make a great model if you do drugs. I mean, a white. Well, you know what I'm saying.

38:14🔗 Drew You never survive modeling.

38:16🔗 Adam Well, all the great models are drugs, drug freaks and athletes too. It's kind of tough to tell kids not to do drugs when some of the greatest athletes and some of the greatest models and celebrities are drug addicts. You know what I mean? You know, here's the mistake we make with kids in drugs. I remember when I was growing up, I'd get this speech. You'll never be able to hit a baseball. You'll never be able to throw football. You'll never be able to walk down a runway. If you're an actor, you'll not be able to remember your lines. Nonsense. These guys do quite nicely on heroin. And the football players do great on steroids and speed and painkillers. Everyone seems to do pretty damn good on drugs. They really do. So the argument of you're not going to be able to perform, not a great argument. The argument of you may not be able to perform for 20 years is a better argument, except for that doesn't mean anything when you're 16. And the argument that eventually be a loser, you go to hell, or you'll end up performing oral sex on another man to get money for it. That's it. Work the gay.

39:18🔗 Drew And it's all work.

39:19🔗 Adam Work the gay. Thank you. We'll take a break. When we come back, we'll talk to Stephanie. She's 4'11. She has d-sized boobs. Should she get a reduction? Hold on a second. Now we're getting into my wheelhouse. Stephanie?

39:33🔗 Caller Yeah.

39:33🔗 Adam 16?

39:35🔗 Caller Yeah.

39:35🔗 Adam D-sized boobs?

39:36🔗 Caller Yep.

39:38🔗 Adam How much how much you weigh?

39:40🔗 Caller About 100 and 105 pounds.

39:42🔗 Adam 100 to 105?

39:44🔗 Caller Yeah.

39:45🔗 Adam Okay. Hold on. See if I can get one off during the break. That's good. 16. Fantastic. We'll be back.

40:28🔗 Caller Oh, yeah. Wow. Yeah.

40:31🔗 Adam Oh, yeah.

40:33🔗 Caller Yeah.

40:35🔗 Adam F-yeah. It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. It's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Really falling in love with the sound of my own voice. You know what I'm saying?

40:45🔗 Drew Just tonight.

40:46🔗 Adam Just tonight. Love affair started tonight.

40:49🔗 Drew Speaking of love affair, since we binged on chocolate last night, I've been allowed some sort of sweet binge that is unstoppable.

40:56🔗 Adam Let me tell you about the sweet tooth. It is like heroin or any other drug, you know? I don't crave heroin, but if someone gave me a nice big yummy syringe full of it tonight, I'd probably want a little more tomorrow. To me, let me tell you about my taste buds. Once I start feeding chocolate and pie into my mouth, it's like pulling the cord on a chainsaw. It can sit in a shed for years. Then once you start ripping that cord and prime it up a little bit, now it's going. And it's going to be game on for the next couple of days. I'll be waking up at 4.30 in the morning going, I need some pie. And you know the beauty of that is, I will have eaten three quarters of a pumpkin pie and two slices of apple four hours earlier. And then I swear to Christ I'll wake up at three in the morning and go, you know, it's been five hours. I need some more pie. I cannot sleep with pie in the house. I'll have to go put it outside. I really will. If I got a pumpkin pie, see, here's the problem with pumpkin.

41:56🔗 Drew It has to be finished.

41:57🔗 Adam I love pumpkin pie. Pumpkin pie can be eaten for breakfast. You can be eating at three in the morning when you're stoned and you come out of your bed and be eating at any time. You can like almost replace any meal with pumpkin pie. You can't eat pecan pie for breakfast. You can't eat lemon meringue for breakfast. You can't eat mince meat for breakfast. You can't eat stuff with a lot of whipped cream and, you know, chiffon and, I mean, heavy sugar. You can't eat big fluffy whipped things like that, but you can eat pumpkin anytime.

42:27🔗 Drew No, this binge I'm on started with pumpkin pie when I was in Kentucky. Somebody gave me a big piece of pumpkin pie.

42:32🔗 Adam Game on.

42:32🔗 Drew No, game on.

42:33🔗 Adam Well, you know what I mean?

42:34🔗 Drew And it's like, might as well string it all together because I know Thanksgiving is coming and I'm helpless on that day.

42:38🔗 Adam Just keep going.

42:39🔗 Drew Yeah. I'm going myself.

42:40🔗 Adam Yeah, that's what I'm doing. Yeah, but like I said, the beauty is I haven't had a piece of pumpkin pie in eight months. I'll eat half a pumpkin pie on Thursday night and then I will get up at two in the morning. I will eat the other half in the middle of the night because I need it that badly. Even though it's been months since I've had a slice. I cannot sleep with the pumpkin pie. I just start putting it by my bed because I'll get up and I'll walk downstairs and I'll eat it. I'll eat it like a raccoon eats it too.

43:10🔗 Drew Yeah, you eat the sheets too.

43:12🔗 Adam Yeah, I'm going to somehow eat it without eating it. That's my technique. I'll eat this pumpkin pie. I'm not going to eat a whole slice. I'll circumnavigate the pie by eating. I'll eat a trench around the outside circumference of the thing, which I'll add up to three slices. But it's not like I actually ate a slice of pie.

43:31🔗 Drew And I didn't eat the crust. Yeah, I didn't eat the crust.

43:33🔗 Adam Yeah, the calories in the crust. Yeah, and I will stand in front of the fridge in a towel eating the pie, slurping off a jug of milk. I won't sit down because that's too deliberate.

43:44🔗 Drew Well, that's capitulating. That's eating the pie.

43:46🔗 Adam Yeah, that's getting up to eat the pie. This is just a nibble little, a couple of good bites out of that pie. Oh, there's nothing better in that center spot of that pumpkin pie, the part that's soaked up some of the juices and the crust underneath it. Just that thin moist crust. It's not flaky. It's soaked up the juice a little bit. Yeah, that's good cold.

44:06🔗 Drew Capitulate means give in. Yeah.

44:10🔗 Adam Why? Who want to know what capitulate means?

44:11🔗 Drew Sarah. It's like what you do when you're trying to... When someone wants to battle, you capitulate.

44:15🔗 Adam Yes. You might tap out of wrestling or something like that. But, you know, capitulate is more... What the hell is this show turned into? Capitulate is more of like a verbal thing that is a physical thing, in a sense.

44:28🔗 Drew Doesn't it?

44:28🔗 Adam Like, like...

44:30🔗 Drew It's a spirit. Spirit.

44:31🔗 Adam Something you would do at a chess match.

44:33🔗 Drew You capitulate in spirit.

44:34🔗 Adam More than a boxing match.

44:36🔗 Drew Yes.

44:36🔗 Adam By not answering the bell for the 12th round, it's not so much capitulating as it is quitting. Right. Whereas in chess, if you know you're cornered, you know you're beat, you know you're outsmarted, you give up. That's the way I look at it, personally. Thank you. Stephanie, thank you.

44:52🔗 Caller Hi. Yep.

44:55🔗 Adam Yeah. I got a can of cranberry sauce I got to get into, by the way, here, too. But go ahead, Stephanie.

45:00🔗 Caller Well, how much is the best reduction cost?

45:03🔗 Drew Don't know.

45:04🔗 Adam I can do it.

45:04🔗 Drew It was a couple thousand bucks, am I that we find out?

45:06🔗 Adam I'd probably say, I'd probably say between like 22 and 2,404 grand.

45:14🔗 Drew But you're 16, why are you interested in that now?

45:16🔗 Caller Because my boobs are really big and they're starting to really get on my nerves.

45:20🔗 Drew You just don't like the way guys deal with you?

45:22🔗 Caller Treat you? Yeah.

45:23🔗 Adam 411, 105 pounds and size D boobs. Nice rack. I'm all right with that package. I like that.

45:31🔗 Drew Yeah, I know. But what she doesn't like is guys will not look her in the eye anymore. They talk to her chest rather than her.

45:35🔗 Adam She's 411. Where are they going to look? They look her in the eye, they're going to be looking at an empty hallway behind her. They got to look down at you.

45:45🔗 Drew Yeah, but...

45:46🔗 Adam How can they not look at your boobs?

45:48🔗 Drew But you know guys, they have no... they can't control it.

45:51🔗 Adam Stephanie, are you big D?

45:54🔗 Caller Yeah.

45:55🔗 Drew What does that mean?

45:56🔗 Adam I don't know. There's some people that are D and it sort of works on them or sort of looks about right. And there's other people that seem to be bigger.

46:02🔗 Caller It looks kind of like... Okay, she looks like she's about 10 years old and she's got like...

46:10🔗 Adam Hold on, slow down, slow down, slow down. Drew, give me a paper towel. Yeah, yeah, that's unfair. It's unfair. What city are you living in?

46:23🔗 Caller I live in San Francisco.

46:25🔗 Adam Let's see. What's that? I'm gonna stare at this chick's boobs.

46:30🔗 Drew You're gonna burbang, get a flight after what?

46:31🔗 Adam Yeah, Southwest flies out all the time. Be there about an hour 15. If I leave now, you cover the rest of the show. Hey, Stephanie? Yeah? Yeah, it's tough. I like it myself. I mean, that is a pogo stick with a couple of big jugs on it. Listen, what's wrong with having guys like, I'm banging my can of cranberries like a judge bangs a gavel? What is wrong with guys being attracted to your body?

46:59🔗 Caller Because I have a brain too and I like them to see that too.

47:02🔗 Adam No, they're not gonna see that anyway. No, they will. No, how dare you? Let me give this speech one more time. 16, 17, 18, 35 year old male. Why? I like the big boobs. I do and I'm ostracized. But yeah, did you know that about me?

47:24🔗 Drew No, I've never had a shock.

47:25🔗 Adam Oh yes.

47:26🔗 Drew I kept that so quiet.

47:27🔗 Adam Yeah, it's not something I'm comfortable sharing.

47:29🔗 Drew No, indeed I can understand why not.

47:31🔗 Adam You understand I don't want to be judged.

47:32🔗 Drew Yes, yes.

47:33🔗 Adam But I enjoy a large bosom on a woman. And if I hadn't mentioned it before, I'll say it now.

47:39🔗 Drew Well, thank you for sharing. It took a lot of courage to bring that out.

47:42🔗 Adam That could just be the pot talking, but so be it. A lot of guys like a nice ass. Everyone likes a beautiful face, beautiful smile, beautiful eyes, beautiful hair. Hey, guys like models. Models don't have big boobs. They're just good looking. It's not one part of them that looks good. It's the whole package that looks good. Either way, it's physical. It's all physical at 18. It's all physical at 38. It's all physical at 48 for guys. Now, are we going to date someone who's really good looking and evil? Probably. For me, not more in a couple years. Two, three, four years. Wouldn't, you know, if she tried to kill me, I wouldn't, you know, I'd break it off in a year. But it's physical. Why, why, why, why the boobs? Why the boobs? Why not the ass? A woman has beautiful legs, beautiful ass, beautiful eyes. That's fine. Beautiful boobs, the guy's a pig. That's all guys are about physicality in high school, especially anyway. So just get used to it. And if you have something that they like, enjoy it.

49:08🔗 Caller Outrageous Talk Radio, 100.7, The Buzz.

49:21🔗 Adam Yeah, Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Somebody who's a joke sent me, I think it was Anderson, gave me a can of whole berry cranberry sauce from Ocean Sprays, you know. I have a mission to get people to cook fresh cranberries for Thanksgiving. I was reading the side of the can. It always amuses me on the side of the can. I always wonder who reads this stuff. The serving suggestions. Whole berry cranberry sauce is perfect next to any chicken dinner. And they give you some suggestions. You can spread the cranberry sauce on turkey or a ham sandwich. Who is being enlightened by the side of this can? I mean, replace apple sauce with whole cranberry sauce when you serve pork chops. Mix whole berry cranberry sauce into stuffing for added zip. Added zip, by the way, is one of the things I could do without. I'm not looking for added zip when it comes to stuffing. I like stuffing because of its non-zip factor. It has non-zip qualities to its stuffing. I like the lack of zippiness. I don't want my stuffing to taste like a smoothie. You know what I'm saying? I like the non-zip factor in stuffing. I like the fact that it's just a bunch of bread and fat. I don't want zippy stuffing.

50:52🔗 Drew Zippy by spicy. You don't want fajita stuffing.

50:56🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah, it tells you spread it. Yeah, and put it next to, get this, turkey.

51:03🔗 Drew Oh no.

51:03🔗 Adam Yeah. These are all, I would assume these acts were illegal until I read the side of the can. Who would have thought I would just spoon it right out of can and eat it crying in front of a AM radio? Black and white TV showing snow on it. I had no idea you could actually eat this with food. I like the sides of cans that tell you, here's what you can use it for, like when it's some sort of like a 401 spray or something. Use on tubs, use on tiles, use on glass, use on sinks, and then it says use anywhere. Like, hey, how about putting anywhere on top? Wouldn't have to read the whole goddamn list.

51:43🔗 Drew Tampering with or otherwise destroying it. Smoke detectors. This is not the white trash cranberry sauce, by the way.

51:51🔗 Adam This is-

51:53🔗 Drew This is the step up.

51:54🔗 Adam This is white trash, this is not albino trash. The white trash, this is the whole berry cranberry sauce, this comes out like a relish. That is marginally more acceptable.

52:06🔗 Drew Yeah, you can't slice it.

52:08🔗 Adam You cannot slice it. The one that's congealed, that actually comes out like a bad dog food in the shape of the can, with the sort of serrated edges on it.

52:17🔗 Drew That's albino.

52:18🔗 Adam That white trash antivirus slices up into those silver dollar size pieces that then slide right off your turkey and onto your lap. That is the whitest of all white trash. This is slightly less, but I still know it. And listen, who you fooling with this? Don't try to pass this off by putting in a nice serving dish and putting a little lemon wedge next to it. I know it came out of a can. Cook that fresh cranberry. James?

52:45🔗 Yeah?

52:46🔗 Adam Whatever. You're 16?

52:47🔗 Caller Yeah?

52:48🔗 Adam What's up?

52:49🔗 Caller Um, I took ecstasy on Saturday night and my unit got like, retarded on me.

52:59🔗 Drew And stopped working?

53:00🔗 Caller It shrunk up.

53:01🔗 Drew Well, it's more the central nervous system, which is what supplies function to your unit, is injured by this drug. And so for a while you're sort of in a state of, you're stunned. Nothing works really. You don't feel good for a few days.

53:14🔗 Caller Oh yeah?

53:15🔗 Adam I'm playing a hunch here, James. You pretty mad?

53:17🔗 Caller Well, I don't know. It just kind of freaked me out. It was like-

53:20🔗 Drew Well, that is the slightest of hints of what you're in for if you keep using the drug.

53:26🔗 Caller Yeah. That was just like the first time.

53:28🔗 Adam All right.

53:28🔗 Drew Well, guess what? You string a few of those together and you get a lot more of that kind of symptom.

53:33🔗 Adam Yeah. Hey, Drew.

53:35🔗 Drew Yeah.

53:35🔗 Adam I'm looking at this can.

53:36🔗 Drew Yeah.

53:36🔗 Adam I'm thinking that's about the same stuff rations came in in the first World War.

53:43🔗 Drew Yeah. Hash.

53:44🔗 Adam When do you think we're going to replace a can? You know what I mean? This seems like something whose time is way overdue.

53:51🔗 Drew Yeah. There must be something with the manufacturing process that makes it worthwhile or the way it's-

53:56🔗 Adam Same can, same opener, same lid, same scoop it out, same deal. Yeah. Coming on a hundred years. Yeah. Seem like there's time for change. Something.

54:06🔗 Drew Plastic.

54:07🔗 Adam Something.

54:07🔗 Drew Yeah.

54:07🔗 Adam You know what I mean? All right. I got no problem with this. It seems like-

54:11🔗 Drew There's got to be some economics in this.

54:13🔗 Adam It seems like it hasn't evolved much.

54:14🔗 Drew Yeah.

54:15🔗 Adam All right.

54:16🔗 Drew Cheniqua.

54:17🔗 Adam Cheniqua?

54:18🔗 Drew Yeah.

54:19🔗 Adam You're 20?

54:20🔗 Drew Yes, I am.

54:21🔗 Adam What are you? What's your nationality?

54:24🔗 Caller I'm white. I'm Caucasian.

54:26🔗 Adam Really? Cheniqua?

54:28🔗 Caller Cheniqua.

54:29🔗 Adam Jesus Christ.

54:30🔗 Caller My mom thought it'd be funny or something. I don't know.

54:32🔗 Adam Yeah.

54:33🔗 Drew Quite a sense of humor.

54:39🔗 Adam All right, Cheniqua.

54:40🔗 Drew What's going on?

54:41🔗 Caller Yeah.

54:43🔗 Caller Well, let's see. I've been on anti-depressants for probably like five years now.

54:47🔗 Caller Sure.

54:48🔗 Adam Cheniqua.

54:49🔗 Caller Yeah. And I'm having problems in bed now.

54:56🔗 Drew You can't orgasm?

54:57🔗 Caller No.

54:58🔗 Drew What are you, on Paxil or Zoloft or something?

55:02🔗 Caller There's a name of the Celexa.

55:04🔗 Drew Celexa. And all those serotonin reuptake inhibitors block libido, block orgasm function. And for women particularly, makes them feel sort of like sex doesn't even make sense. And there are a couple of things you can do. One is talk to the doctor about how unhappy you are about that side effect. It's not one that you should necessarily tolerate. Serotonin, wellbutrin, remeron do not have that side effect. You can add wellbutrin. You can try viagra. Some people have advocated that, though that's not an approved use for it. But the point is get back to the doctor, talk to him or her about this, and realize it's not okay to have to tolerate that side effect.

55:39🔗 Adam Andrew?

55:41🔗 Hello?

55:41🔗 Adam Andrew, you're 20. Had a cranberry sauce question?

55:44🔗 Caller Yeah.

55:45🔗 Adam Fantastic. I just want to know, do you eat it hot or cold? I'm versatile.

55:51🔗 Drew You're initially hot because you're cooking it up for that evening.

55:53🔗 Adam I pull it out of the pot, it's a little warm.

55:55🔗 Drew But then you put it in the fridge and save it and put it over a turkey sandwich the next day?

55:59🔗 Adam Right.

55:59🔗 Drew Yeah.

56:00🔗 Adam I really run the gamut of temperatures with the cranberry sauce. It did not discriminate. But ideally, room temperature.

56:09🔗 Drew Really?

56:10🔗 Adam Just a little bit warmer in room temperature.

56:11🔗 Drew Not hot, huh?

56:12🔗 Adam A little bit warm. Not hot, a little warm.

56:16🔗 Drew Same temperature as the yams.

56:17🔗 Adam You don't want it to affect the temperature of the rest of the meal. See what I'm saying?

56:23🔗 Drew Yeah.

56:23🔗 Adam You don't want to dump the ice cold cranberry sauce on top of the potato and dry that out.

56:28🔗 Drew Nor do you want to burn your tongue on the cranberry sauce.

56:30🔗 Adam That's right. A little warmer in room. Room temperature, 73, 74 degrees. I go cranberry, 79 to 85 degrees.

56:39🔗 Drew Great. Thank you.

56:41🔗 Adam Thanks a lot.

56:42🔗 Drew All right. Thank you, Adam. Thank you for those brilliant words of wisdom.

56:47🔗 Adam Nicholas?

56:48🔗 Yes.

56:48🔗 Adam You're 30?

56:49🔗 Caller Yes.

56:50🔗 Adam What's up?

56:51🔗 Caller First of all, I want to compliment you on your show, both the radio show and the man show.

56:56🔗 Adam Oh, thank you.

56:56🔗 Caller I think they're phenomenal.

56:57🔗 Adam Thank you.

56:58🔗 Caller And I think you ought to use your name Mayonnaise a little more.

57:00🔗 Adam Yeah, you're right.

57:01🔗 Drew It was getting a little old there for a while.

57:02🔗 Adam That's my May May Mayonnaise. That's my May May Mayonnaise.

57:07🔗 Caller So anyway, I'm a big fan. I got an impersonation.

57:11🔗 Caller That's the highest sense of flattery.

57:14🔗 Adam Yes, actually they say it's the sincerest form of flattery.

57:20🔗 Drew Depending on how good the impersonation is.

57:21🔗 Adam Yeah, I know.

57:25🔗 Drew Jimmy has no talent in that regard.

57:28🔗 Adam Oh no, he does a good Snoop Dogg, he does a good Karl Malone. How dare you? That's my main main main names. Nicholas, who would you like to do, me or Drew?

57:37🔗 Caller I would like to impersonate Drew first.

57:38🔗 Caller Okay.

57:41🔗 Adam Should I be me?

57:42🔗 Caller Yeah, you can chime in, but I'm going to get on a roll here.

57:45🔗 Adam Okay, go ahead.

57:46🔗 Caller Last caller had some deep emotional problems. These are complex, complicated, confusing things. You need therapy. You need to get the proper care guidance and counseling that you need. These are heavy, heavy issues. See this all the time. Definitely need to get some help, get some therapy.

57:59🔗 Adam Yeah, that's pretty strong.

58:01🔗 Drew The meter's right.

58:02🔗 Adam And Drew, Drew's not a fun guy because he's so milquetoast.

58:06🔗 Caller Well, he's very articulate.

58:07🔗 Adam Yeah, but there's nothing really there to hang your hand on in terms of doing impersonation, I understand.

58:12🔗 Caller Yeah, but you know, the intonation was there.

58:14🔗 Drew Yeah, he's got that right.

58:15🔗 Adam Yeah, he got the cadence right.

58:17🔗 Caller If I could start spitting out the medical terms.

58:19🔗 Drew You'd be there.

58:20🔗 Caller I think I'd be there.

58:21🔗 Drew No, Adam. Early penile papules.

58:24🔗 Caller Yeah, here's the deal, Drew. How dare you? When you have the cranberry sauce, like in the pan, don't try to garnish it with like a lemon wedge.

58:35🔗 Drew He's got the voice, absent the humor.

58:37🔗 Caller How dare you? How dare you, Drew?

58:41🔗 Adam I am funny, too. Yeah, that's not bad, is it? Yeah, it's hard for me to judge my own voice. It sounds pretty good. You want to try talking to a caller and see if we can fool him?

58:53🔗 Caller Yeah, sure.

58:54🔗 Adam All right.

58:55🔗 Caller But, see, I wouldn't want to give him proper medical advice.

58:59🔗 Adam Yeah. No, that's all right. You play my part.

59:02🔗 Drew All right, put him on hold. We got to get a proper call for that because there's some tough ones coming up here.

59:05🔗 Adam All right, but then, you know, I'm going to forget about him. Don't forget about him. Nicholas, I'll put you on hold.

59:10🔗 Caller You know what? If you want me to launch into my allegory, too, but I'll stick with Adam.

59:13🔗 Adam Don't go anywhere. I'll put you on hold. We'll see if we can get a call. You and Drew can handle it. We'll see if the caller knows who it is.

59:19🔗 Caller I don't know, Adam. That's some big shoes, Phil.

59:21🔗 Adam Yeah, it really is. Oh, Jesus Christ. Speaking of big shoes.

59:24🔗 Drew Oh, no.

59:26🔗 Adam I walked out of the Savon Drugstore tonight, about 9.15.

59:31🔗 Drew In Hollywood?

59:32🔗 Adam Yeah, in Hollywood. Very dicey place, by the way. There was a young black gentleman who was doing a little panhandling. Younger guy. Didn't look like he was in too bad of shape. Wanted to know if I had any change when I was walking in. Told him no. Wanted to know if I had any change when I was walking out. I said no. I didn't have any change. Guy was a stocky, shorter guy. He had sort of an Anderson-like build, but he was probably inch and a half shorter than Anderson. And, Drew, unlike you, I do not exaggerate. He was 5'9. If he was 5'10, he was... I'd have a heart attack. He was 5'8, 5'9. I'm 6. I looked down. Yes, he was shorter than Anderson. I looked down. Is Anderson really 6'1? I looked down. He had the biggest feet I've ever seen in my life. I said, what size? We're in a pair of Nike high tops. I said, what size are those shoes? And by the way, I know it's not good etiquette to strike up conversations with guys you're not going to give money to, but I couldn't help it. I said, what size are those shoes? He said, size 16. The dude was 5'9. He's wearing size 16. 16 shoes. I said, size 16. Now, I thought he was basically a street kid who stole Shaq's shoes out of his Cadillac SUV or something. I said, what size is your foot? He said, 15. 16. You know what a size 16 tennis shoe looks like on a guy who's wearing a pair of shorts, by the way? Size 16 shoe looks like a guy who's 5'9. It's crazy novelty big. 16.

1:01:16🔗 Drew Circus.

1:01:17🔗 Adam Circus big. Crusty the Clown big.

1:01:19🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:01:20🔗 Adam All right. Where are we going?

1:01:22🔗 Drew Linda. One.

1:01:23🔗 Caller All right.

1:01:24🔗 Adam Linda.

1:01:25🔗 Caller Hi.

1:01:26🔗 Adam 27.

1:01:26🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:01:27🔗 Adam What's up?

1:01:28🔗 Caller Well, first, before I get to my reason for why I called, have you guys tried pumpkin bread before?

1:01:34🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:01:34🔗 Caller Oh, sure.

1:01:34🔗 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:01:35🔗 Caller That's good stuff.

1:01:35🔗 Adam It's not pumpkin pie, but it's good.

1:01:37🔗 Caller But it's good, yes. Anyways, my, it's kind of confusing.

1:01:41🔗 Adam So what do you go, banana bread or pumpkin bread?

1:01:43🔗 Caller Zucchini bread.

1:01:44🔗 Adam Zucchini bread.

1:01:45🔗 Caller Pumpkin bread. Banana. Anyways, it's kind of confusing. I have a six-year-old son, first grade, and I was engaged until yesterday for about eight months. And we met on the internet and now we were working together. And Sunday night, he told me that, that my son was a, I can't say it on the air, was a B word and was an A word. And he wanted to kick my son's teeth in out of his mouth. And, and he just had all this anger towards my son.

1:02:19🔗 Drew Six-year-old.

1:02:20🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:02:20🔗 Drew And I swear to God, if, I know you can't do this, but I would have killed the guy.

1:02:26🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:02:26🔗 Caller I, I, everybody's asked me, did you slap him? I'm like, no.

1:02:30🔗 Drew But I would, I really, I would have.

1:02:32🔗 Adam Well, listen, this kind of guy, you slaps and he takes a table leg and breaks it over your head while you're asleep.

1:02:37🔗 Caller Yeah. And, and my son's going to counseling right now because he's very hyperactive.

1:02:44🔗 Adam Your son is. Yeah.

1:02:45🔗 Caller And he, he acts out and he kind of, he has a, I can't discipline him because he doesn't know how to listen to me. And my son's been abused by his father, his real father. So I got out of that situation. He, my son has seen me being abused.

1:02:59🔗 Adam Physically abused by real dad.

1:03:01🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:03:01🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:03:01🔗 Drew Great.

1:03:02🔗 Adam What, how's your dad doing?

1:03:04🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:03:04🔗 Adam What kind of gem is he?

1:03:06🔗 Caller Oh, my dad's fine.

1:03:07🔗 Drew No way.

1:03:08🔗 Adam No way.

1:03:08🔗 Caller No, no.

1:03:10🔗 Caller Well, he's never abused me, but he does dress up like a female.

1:03:15🔗 Drew Well, he's fine. Otherwise, he's fine.

1:03:17🔗 Adam Otherwise, totally normal.

1:03:18🔗 Caller Yeah. Totally normal.

1:03:20🔗 Adam He's never been the guy on me. Other than stiletto heels and the skirt, the Carmen Miranda dress.

1:03:24🔗 Caller Actually, he's, I'm kind of jealous of where his dress is. They're like $100 dresses and I got like $20 dresses.

1:03:32🔗 Adam Hey, baby. Hold on, Nutty Mama. Let me explain something. Let me explain something to everybody. I'd rather my dad beat the ass out of me twice a day than come home wearing a skirt and throw his purse down on the sofa.

1:03:49🔗 Caller I really would.

1:03:50🔗 Adam And listen to me, all you screwball parents out there who technically don't abuse your kids, that's abuse.

1:03:56🔗 Drew It's abandonment.

1:03:57🔗 Adam You locking yourself in the room doing heroin, that's abuse.

1:04:00🔗 Drew It's abandonment, yeah.

1:04:01🔗 Adam You wearing a skirt, that's abuse. I don't care if you just drink yourself silly every night locked in the bathroom. You're abusing your kids even if you don't come out and beat on them.

1:04:11🔗 Drew That's right. That's abandonment and powerlessness for the kids.

1:04:14🔗 Adam Oh my God. Linda, you've got problems, baby.

1:04:18🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:04:19🔗 Caller Well, he left Sunday morning at 1.25 in the morning.

1:04:23🔗 Adam Fantastic.

1:04:24🔗 Drew How's your mom?

1:04:25🔗 Caller My mom, she's an organ.

1:04:27🔗 Adam Oh, okay. Well, organs are utopia that only healthy, adjusted, self-actualized people go to. Yes, of course. We know by virtue of fact, you say she's an organ?

1:04:37🔗 Caller Yes.

1:04:37🔗 Adam Okay. No problem then.

1:04:39🔗 Drew No problem with mom.

1:04:39🔗 Adam She's all right.

1:04:40🔗 Caller Well, actually, yeah, she wants me to go up there, too, so.

1:04:42🔗 Adam Organ, you say?

1:04:43🔗 Drew Well, you might be allowed in utopia.

1:04:45🔗 Adam Well, then we'll let you in. Do you have a note from your therapist?

1:04:48🔗 Caller Come on now.

1:04:50🔗 Adam All right. Where is it that you work that he works, too? Same Dairy Queen?

1:04:55🔗 Caller No, actually, it's a Chevron station.

1:04:57🔗 Adam I see.

1:04:57🔗 Drew Okay. Next to the Dairy Queen.

1:04:58🔗 Adam We're going to move up to the Dairy Queen.

1:05:00🔗 Caller No, Dairy Queen.

1:05:01🔗 Adam What do you do at the Chevron station?

1:05:03🔗 Caller Oh, we sell gasoline. We're cashiers. We're excited to spend the same hours.

1:05:08🔗 Drew Thank God the guy's gone.

1:05:09🔗 Caller Yeah. I was wondering the reason why he acted out. Could it be because he was abused by his stepfather?

1:05:16🔗 Adam Yes.

1:05:16🔗 Drew Yes. But be that as it may, there's no excuse. It explains it, but it's not an excuse.

1:05:23🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:05:23🔗 Drew It doesn't validate it.

1:05:24🔗 Adam It's just as good as excuses when you're hiking and a grizzly bear attacks you. And someone says, well, the bear is hungry. She felt encroached on. She was scared, more scared. She was protecting her cubs. Either way, you got 750 stitches and your arm's being reattached.

1:05:40🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:05:40🔗 Adam Who cares? Who cares what his reason is? You got, Liz, me, Linda?

1:05:45🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:05:46🔗 Adam You had a horrible life so far. Your dad's a piece of work. God knows, even though your mom made it in Oregon, I bet she knew somebody to got her smuggled there in, in the trunk of a car or something, because your mom's got to be wacko. I know your mom's wacko because you married your wacko dad. Right. Now, you're marginally wacko, and now your kid's going a little wacko. Now here's your job. This is your full-time job. Do not let this kid become a criminal. Do not let him abuse other kids.

1:06:15🔗 Drew Don't say that quite so offhandedly, because listen, you're going down a bad road here. You're, not just your job, but your life calling is about getting this out of control train turned around.

1:06:27🔗 Adam You will lose control of this kid.

1:06:29🔗 Caller That's why I immediately said, you know, I immediately told him that he's cold-hearted and he's evil.

1:06:34🔗 Drew He's gone. Don't even bother, don't even bother. Yeah, good.

1:06:36🔗 Caller But I have to deal with working with him.

1:06:38🔗 Adam Listen, you work at a goddamn Chevron, you could not show up tomorrow and it wouldn't make a difference.

1:06:43🔗 Caller I didn't show up today.

1:06:45🔗 Adam Listen, go across the street to the mobile and get a gig. Who cares? It's not like you're a general manager of some radio station or something.

1:06:54🔗 Drew Same thing applies.

1:06:55🔗 Caller Like you, Adam, huh?

1:06:55🔗 Drew Just go across the street.

1:06:57🔗 Adam Yeah. Listen, what do they pay you on that crappy job?

1:07:00🔗 Caller It's $7.25 an hour.

1:07:02🔗 Adam Not bad. The gig over there.

1:07:04🔗 Caller It's actually not bad for Chevron, no.

1:07:06🔗 Adam Okay. Listen, you are going to have to start looking for another job.

1:07:09🔗 Caller Oh, yeah. I have planned on that already.

1:07:12🔗 Drew But listen, the train is out of control of your life and this child's life and your full-time occupation now is focusing on the health and well-being of the two of you, separate from anyone else for a long time.

1:07:22🔗 Adam It always breaks my heart when they are boys because when they are women, I know they are going to be strippers, they are going to pornography, they are going to keep feeding that machine.

1:07:30🔗 Drew Yeah, keep your culture alive.

1:07:32🔗 Adam As boys, they are going to carjack you in ten years, they are going to beat the crap out of your kid, they are going to perpetrate all this violence on everyone else around them. All those a-holes, all those bullies, all those sociopaths you went to school with, all those guys who beat up on you and gave you a hard time, this is who they are. All right. Dean?

1:07:55🔗 Drew Yeah?

1:07:57🔗 Adam You're 33? Yes, I am. You have some facts about cans? About cans, yeah. Yeah. I was talking about cans earlier. It seems like they've been around. They've been around for too long.

1:08:10🔗 Drew You're constantly talking about cans. That girl with the 411 girl.

1:08:18🔗 Caller I think the guy came up with the way of canning.

1:08:21🔗 Drew That's where canning was invented. Yes.

1:08:23🔗 Caller So he could preserve the foods to get them out to the troops, so he could kick some butt.

1:08:27🔗 Drew We, you're French?

1:08:29🔗 Caller No. No, I'm not French, German.

1:08:31🔗 Adam It means we, yes.

1:08:33🔗 Caller We. Yeah.

1:08:34🔗 Adam And when is that? 16, seven? When is that?

1:08:37🔗 Caller I was trying to think about myself. I'm not too good on the French history.

1:08:41🔗 Adam When is that?

1:08:42🔗 Caller I would say early 1700.

1:08:44🔗 Drew No, no, no.

1:08:45🔗 Caller 1800?

1:08:46🔗 Adam No. Oh, you're right. No, late 16, early, mid 17s?

1:08:50🔗 Drew 1750.

1:08:51🔗 Adam When was Napoleon in his prime? Mid 17s.

1:08:54🔗 Drew Yes, 1750.

1:08:55🔗 Adam All right. Not a bad time.

1:08:57🔗 Drew Yeah. But the question is, why hasn't it been advanced upon?

1:09:01🔗 Adam 250 goddamn years. I got the same can that was left over from Waterloo.

1:09:06🔗 Drew Yep.

1:09:07🔗 Adam No different.

1:09:07🔗 Drew Yep.

1:09:08🔗 Caller And my wife, she likes the can, the one that comes out in the mold.

1:09:11🔗 Adam Divorce.

1:09:13🔗 Drew But what makes the can so intru-so-so-uh-

1:09:16🔗 Caller She just likes the way to slice it.

1:09:18🔗 Caller She just likes that. And she cooks everything else, you know, she doesn't do a good job.

1:09:23🔗 Adam Yeah. Hey, Dean, can you do some about that this year?

1:09:25🔗 Caller I, last year, I heard the recipe.

1:09:27🔗 Caller It's real simple.

1:09:28🔗 Adam Real simple.

1:09:29🔗 Caller Real simple. And I actually have a cup of sugar and a cup of water.

1:09:32🔗 Drew It's funny how these small little changes in one's life can really elevate the human spirit.

1:09:37🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:09:38🔗 Drew This could be a very, very important move in your life.

1:09:41🔗 Caller Don't complain about the can or I'll be cooking the whole dinner myself. So.

1:09:44🔗 Adam Listen.

1:09:45🔗 Caller I'll give you your can.

1:09:46🔗 Adam I don't care if you got to sneak out to the god damn garage with a Bunsen burner or a can of Sterno or one of those torches you use for sweating copper pipes. You make yourself, are you, are you, No, I'm teaching this to my kids. You're the man of the house. Are you not?

1:10:01🔗 Caller That simple. This tradition's carrying on. It's the new recipe for cranberry sauce.

1:10:07🔗 Adam Make those cranberries this year.

1:10:09🔗 Caller I'm teaching my kids to carry on for generations after generation.

1:10:12🔗 Adam That's right. You're the man of the house. You wear the pants. You bring home the bacon. You do all those other cliches. You make that cranberry sauce. You don't take any lip from your old lady about making fresh cranberries. And believe me, she's asking to be molded if she takes cranberries out of a can and eats them. How dare she? How dare she? Drew, are you sure your wife doesn't open a can?

1:10:37🔗 Drew She doesn't open a can, but Peter was telling me that she sometimes buys the stuff from my, from like this little gourmet shop. Buys pre-cooked cranberry.

1:10:47🔗 Adam Yeah. I could see that. I might let that slide.

1:10:50🔗 Drew Because I was telling you, it had all kinds of stuff in it like, Your wife. Yeah. Slices of like peels.

1:10:55🔗 Adam Can she make some? Do you eat cranberries?

1:10:57🔗 Drew Yeah. I've seen her make it.

1:10:58🔗 Adam Do you eat it?

1:10:59🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:10:59🔗 Adam Do you eat it?

1:11:00🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:11:00🔗 Adam What do you eat for Thanksgiving?

1:11:02🔗 Drew Cranberry sauce.

1:11:03🔗 Adam Turkey?

1:11:04🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:11:04🔗 Adam Yams?

1:11:05🔗 Drew No. Not me. I just-

1:11:07🔗 Adam What's up?

1:11:07🔗 Drew I like mashed potatoes.

1:11:09🔗 Adam You don't like yams? I like yams. You start eating it.

1:11:12🔗 Drew I like the stuffing, the disgusting stuffing.

1:11:15🔗 Adam Nut monkeyed with?

1:11:16🔗 Drew Non monkeyed with.

1:11:17🔗 Adam Had a bunch of pine nuts sprinkled in?

1:11:19🔗 Drew No.

1:11:20🔗 Adam Huh?

1:11:20🔗 Drew No. A little nut of some type. Walnut? Yeah.

1:11:24🔗 Adam Crushed walnut?

1:11:25🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:11:26🔗 Caller Okay.

1:11:27🔗 Drew All right.

1:11:27🔗 Adam You made it, buddy. You just dodged a big bullet. You understand what I mean? Oh, yes. Yes. I like peas. A lot of guys don't like peas. Don't understand that.

1:11:36🔗 Drew Peas.

1:11:37🔗 Adam Yeah. What's offensive about a pea? A lot of people don't like them.

1:11:42🔗 Drew See, this is why we get along so well, Adam.

1:11:44🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:11:44🔗 Drew This is it. Right here. This is the core of our relationship coming out.

1:11:46🔗 Caller Boring.

1:11:49🔗 Adam Let's take a break. We'll be back.

1:12:12🔗 Caller 100.7 The Buzz.

1:12:22🔗 Drew Hi, this is Alice.

1:12:23🔗 Caller And Dunstan.

1:12:24🔗 Caller From Chumbawamba.

1:12:25🔗 Drew And you're listening to Loveline.

1:12:27🔗 Caller With Adam Carolla.

1:12:28🔗 Caller And Dr. Drew.

1:12:31🔗 Adam That's our favorite band at Chumbawamba. They're really burning up the charts with whatever CD they got out now. They got the world by the tail, baby. Crazy anarchists. Oh, boy. Thank God they faded away. What a pain in the ass those guys were. It was miserable talking to those idiots. Oh, we got a book for next Tuesday. Jesus Christ. No, we will hop back on the phones and speak to...

1:13:03🔗 Drew Take Nicholas?

1:13:04🔗 Adam Oh, okay. Now, yeah, Nicholas. Why do I want to say too much about Nicholas?

1:13:08🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:13:09🔗 Adam Okay. Where? How are we going to work this?

1:13:11🔗 Drew One of these two, I would say.

1:13:13🔗 Adam All right. Nicholas. Nicholas can hear me, right?

1:13:17🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:13:17🔗 Adam Yeah. Nicholas, you just be prepared to do your thing. We're going to talk to Jenna.

1:13:25🔗 Drew Oh.

1:13:26🔗 Adam Are we going to talk to Jenna?

1:13:26🔗 Drew I was thinking Stuart or Sarah.

1:13:28🔗 Adam Well, let's talk to a girl.

1:13:30🔗 Caller We'll talk to a girl?

1:13:31🔗 Drew Sarah.

1:13:31🔗 Adam Who are we going to talk to? Sarah, wait a minute.

1:13:34🔗 Caller I got a fart here. You ready?

1:13:43🔗 Adam I damn near crapped my pants. Just now? No, not now. I had Jimmy on the phone about 7.45 tonight. I'm standing in my kitchen. I said, hold on, baby. Put the phone down in my ass. Let like a, would be like a five or six stage or go, you know, like it was as if my ass was dying, you know, like, must go back. Get Jim and Phil out of Foxhole. You know, like dying people talk in movies. That's what my ass was doing there. Jimmy's laughing his ass off. He couldn't believe it. He thought I made it up. It turns out I cramped a little, just a little.

1:14:23🔗 Drew Thank you for sharing.

1:14:24🔗 Adam Yeah. Then I went and sat down on the toilet. I saw the phone and I started yelling. I said, listen, I'm standing in the kitchen. I almost grabbed my pants. I've been on the toilet for 10 minutes. Nothing's coming out. How does that work?

1:14:34🔗 Drew Did you get your sprayer going?

1:14:35🔗 Adam I'm crowning in the kitchen. Do you understand? And now I'm sitting on the toilet. Nothing's coming out. It's like, hey, ass, it's okay now. Fire away. Put her pants down. All right, Nicholas, you know what you're doing, right? You can hear me, brother. Now what do I do? Press five and...

1:14:54🔗 Drew Yeah, I'll bring this up.

1:14:55🔗 Adam You do it?

1:14:55🔗 Drew You do this twice. Then pick it what you want there.

1:14:58🔗 Adam Nicholas?

1:14:59🔗 Drew What do you want next?

1:14:59🔗 Adam You do your thing, brother. Let's talk to whoever you want. Make it a light one.

1:15:04🔗 Drew A light one.

1:15:04🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:15:05🔗 Adam Let's talk. Okay. Would I press six?

1:15:07🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:15:07🔗 Adam Okay. This is Sarah 21.

1:15:11🔗 Caller What's going on?

1:15:12🔗 Caller How are you guys doing tonight?

1:15:13🔗 Drew Hey, Sarah.

1:15:14🔗 Caller I'm doing well.

1:15:15🔗 Caller I'm getting my cranberries. How dare you, Drew? Interrupt me.

1:15:18🔗 Caller Speaking of cranberries, I gotta tell you, I was talking to my mom just today about cranberries for Thanksgiving.

1:15:25🔗 Adam Is your mom hot?

1:15:27🔗 Caller No, but she's nice.

1:15:29🔗 Caller But she's your mom.

1:15:30🔗 Caller Yeah, she's my mom. And I was telling her that because she just, she always grew up with the cranberries in the can.

1:15:36🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:15:37🔗 Caller And I was like, mom, this year, let's make homemade cranberry sauce.

1:15:41🔗 Drew And?

1:15:42🔗 Caller And she said, why?

1:15:45🔗 Caller How about sisters? Do you have any sisters?

1:15:47🔗 Caller Wait, I gotta tell you, though, I was thinking, you know, because you, it's all you, Adam.

1:15:52🔗 Caller Well, I want to know about your sisters.

1:15:55🔗 Drew Tori Spelling is into the cranberry sauce in a can. We found that out last night.

1:16:00🔗 Caller Oh, yeah, I heard you guys talking about that, I think. Anyway, so I didn't want to tell her that it was because Adam Carolla said, you know.

1:16:09🔗 Drew Yeah, that would seal the fate of the cranberries.

1:16:13🔗 Caller You know, I'm an expert, Drew, on cranberries. How dare you try to take away from my expertise?

1:16:19🔗 Drew No, it's just not so much that you're questioning your expertise. It's the fact that the source might somehow persuade her against taking your advice if she realized it wasn't coming from her daughter. So, Sarah, what did you call about?

1:16:31🔗 Caller Okay, I have really large breasts and I don't have much feeling in them. And I was wondering what causes that.

1:16:40🔗 Caller I bet we need to probe a little, Drew.

1:16:42🔗 Caller Okay. You don't feel it when you touch it?

1:16:47🔗 Caller I mean, like, on my nipple a little bit, but not usually. Like, I'm not stimulated by them hardly at all. I just have very little feeling in general.

1:16:56🔗 Caller Drew, I'm hot and bothered by the nipple touching. You better give her some advice.

1:17:02🔗 Drew He's fading there, Anna. Sarah, some women with large breasts do complain of this. Others don't. But there is sort of a general trend as the farther you get from the chest wall with the nipple, the less sensitivity there is there.

1:17:21🔗 Adam Turn my mic back on, please. Sarah, this is a real Adam over here. That was Nicholas. Cheap impersonation.

1:17:28🔗 Caller OK, sure.

1:17:29🔗 Adam And not a bad Adam, but he didn't seize on the cranberry thing at all.

1:17:33🔗 Caller Yeah, it didn't sound like you either.

1:17:35🔗 Adam No. I'm funnier, though, right?

1:17:38🔗 Caller Yes.

1:17:38🔗 Adam Thanks, baby. Triple D, huh?

1:17:41🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:17:43🔗 Adam What's the next bra?

1:17:45🔗 Caller I don't even know.

1:17:46🔗 Drew Well, didn't we get didn't we get?

1:17:48🔗 Adam I've tried to get to the bottom of this.

1:17:50🔗 Drew We had somebody give us the rules on this.

1:17:52🔗 Adam How many goddamn D's do you have before you go to F?

1:17:56🔗 Caller There's only three.

1:17:56🔗 Adam What is that? What kind of strategy is that?

1:18:00🔗 Caller It's a stupid system, I'll tell you. And you know what? They don't make cute bras for people with big breasts.

1:18:05🔗 Adam No, but what do you need? What we need to look at some frilly chiffon? We got jugs. You understand?

1:18:12🔗 Caller Yeah, yeah.

1:18:13🔗 Adam And then you see a rose made out of yarn. They got two big jugs in front of me. Can't get that bra off fast enough. How big is the rest of you?

1:18:21🔗 Caller I only weigh about 160, 155.

1:18:25🔗 Adam How tall are you?

1:18:26🔗 Caller 5'4.

1:18:28🔗 Adam That's quite a package there. It's good junior college linebackers.

1:18:32🔗 Caller No, I don't go to junior college.

1:18:34🔗 Adam If you did, you'd make the football team. So you got a little extra weight on you, right?

1:18:39🔗 Caller A little bit, yeah, but I'm not fat.

1:18:42🔗 Adam Well not by Iowa standards, but by California standards, yeah.

1:18:46🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm kind of like chunky.

1:18:48🔗 Adam You got a little. I mean 5'4, let me say 5'4, 160?

1:18:52🔗 Caller Yeah, 155.

1:18:54🔗 Adam Let me do the radio math real fast. 5'4, 155, carry the four. That is 5'2, 3 quarters, 171, Drew. Nice. Yeah, that's stout. Hey, Sarah.

1:19:10🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:19:11🔗 Adam Why don't you, as a, you know, you have a sturdy frame on you, right?

1:19:16🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:19:17🔗 Adam But you still could probably lose 20 pounds, right?

1:19:20🔗 Caller Yeah. I mean, yeah, probably.

1:19:22🔗 Adam Why don't you lose the 20 and then see where the boobs go?

1:19:26🔗 Drew Well, she's not asking about reduction.

1:19:28🔗 Adam I know. But you do want smaller boobs, don't you?

1:19:31🔗 Caller Yeah, they're kind of irritating, actually.

1:19:34🔗 Adam Yeah. So now what about the sensitivity, Drew? Might that come back if the boobs shrunk?

1:19:40🔗 Drew Possibly.

1:19:40🔗 Adam Maybe there's only so much sensitivity per unit surface. Per mass.

1:19:44🔗 Drew Surface area. It's a surface area issue.

1:19:47🔗 Adam Right. Because you know, all those crazy chicks with the small boobs I'm not interested in seem to have a very sensitive nipples. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Hey, Sarah?

1:19:57🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:19:57🔗 Adam You may never have sensitive nipples like me. I enjoy a little nipple play, so shoot me, Drew.

1:20:04🔗 Caller Yeah, I've heard that, actually.

1:20:05🔗 Adam Yeah. I spread the word. But I still would suggest, just for the sake of, I don't know, who knows what, dropping 20 pounds, see how that affects the boobs.

1:20:16🔗 Caller That's really easy, too, you know.

1:20:18🔗 Adam Well, nothing worth having is easy.

1:20:21🔗 Caller Yeah. No, that's true.

1:20:23🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, you can drop 20 pounds, right?

1:20:25🔗 Caller Sure.

1:20:26🔗 Adam Why not? How big's mom?

1:20:28🔗 Caller She's kind of big.

1:20:29🔗 Adam Yeah. Eating all those canned cranberries.

1:20:32🔗 Caller No, no, no.

1:20:33🔗 Adam Eating that bacon fat right out of the can in the fridge, right?

1:20:36🔗 Caller No, no. Oh, no.

1:20:38🔗 Adam Your mom's white trash, isn't she?

1:20:39🔗 Caller No, no, no.

1:20:40🔗 Adam Yeah, she is.

1:20:41🔗 Caller My family's a nice Jewish family.

1:20:42🔗 Adam Jews eating canned cranberries?

1:20:45🔗 Caller No pork products, hun.

1:20:46🔗 Adam Yeah, but do you understand what that would do to your poor dead grandparents if they saw your mom eating that canned cranberry? From a certain... Yeah. Did she put a bowl of canned cranberries for Elijah?

1:21:00🔗 Caller No. All right.

1:21:02🔗 Caller No, only cranberries on Thanksgiving.

1:21:04🔗 Adam Listen, there's nothing better than those Jewish chicks with the big knockers. I like that.

1:21:09🔗 Caller That's very nice.

1:21:09🔗 Adam That's all that's in it for me. Sarah?

1:21:12🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:21:12🔗 Adam There's nothing we can do to make your boobs more sensitive.

1:21:15🔗 Caller Okay, I was just wondering if you guys knew what caused it, but that's fine.

1:21:18🔗 Drew Again, I think it might actually be the surface area, the stretch. I mean, you have a certain number of sensors in the skin per unit area, and as that area expands.

1:21:31🔗 Adam Well, also, looking at it this way, I think the farther the nipple gets away from the chest, the less sensitive. But listen, this is something, it's up for grabs. And it is in men, too. I mean, there's some women, Drew, you're a passionate man.

1:21:47🔗 Drew Thank you.

1:21:48🔗 Adam You're a passionate, passionate man. You've been with all kinds of women. You've been with white women. You've been with whiter women. You've been with every kind of woman. You run the gamut from white to white. Okay. Now, you know that there's some women that have very sensitive nipples and some women that don't seem to care about them. And they're same with guys. So I think it's kind of the hand that you got dealt. It's certainly nothing you're going to reverse, right? Concentrate on other parts that are sensitive, right? Guys have parts that they like better than other parts and they just focus on those.

1:22:25🔗 Drew Yep.

1:22:26🔗 Adam Ignore those. Also if you're Jewish, Joe, wouldn't the layer of hair do you think be be at the time? All right. Okay.

1:22:33🔗 Drew Jenna. 28. Jenna? Uh-uh. See, you turn the mic down for a second on our callers. That's what you get.

1:22:46🔗 Caller Jenna? Yeah?

1:22:47🔗 Drew There we are. 28. What's going on?

1:22:49🔗 Caller Okay. Here's my story. I recently separated from my husband about two months ago. I was with him since I was 17. The only man I've been with. We have two kids, six and eight.

1:23:00🔗 Drew The only man you've been with?

1:23:02🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:23:03🔗 Adam The only person you've ever been with.

1:23:05🔗 Caller Yes. And about two weeks ago, I started going on these chat lines. And at first it was just talking. And then I started like revealing some fantasies I like about domination, about rape and S and M type stuff. Like last night, I talked with this guy that I would really like to meet.

1:23:36🔗 Drew What's going on in your relationship with your husband?

1:23:38🔗 Caller Uh, it's over.

1:23:40🔗 Drew Why?

1:23:41🔗 Caller Um, I think we were just too young, and it became really unhealthy. And, um...

1:23:48🔗 Adam You ever been raped?

1:23:50🔗 Caller No.

1:23:50🔗 Adam You ever liked to be?

1:23:51🔗 Drew Sexually abused?

1:23:53🔗 Caller Uh, yeah. Yeah. I want to be, like, dominated.

1:23:56🔗 Adam Who's sexual? Wait, yes, you'd like to be raped, or...?

1:23:59🔗 Caller Yeah. I mean, not, like, really raped.

1:24:01🔗 Adam Yeah. Partial raping.

1:24:03🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:24:03🔗 Drew Were you physically abused when you were younger?

1:24:05🔗 Caller Um, I have, like, four separate, isolated incidences by, like, four different people.

1:24:12🔗 Drew Yeah. Okay.

1:24:13🔗 Adam Well, as long as it's under ten.

1:24:15🔗 Drew There you go.

1:24:16🔗 Adam Who, uh, who were the four different people?

1:24:19🔗 Caller Uh, one was, like, a female babysitter, and one was a neighbor, and then there was a male babysitter.

1:24:27🔗 Adam Jesus Christ. What the hell?

1:24:28🔗 Caller And then there was, uh, an uncle. And that was, like, between the ages of four and seven.

1:24:36🔗 Adam Yeah. What, uh, what, what city did you grow up in?

1:24:39🔗 Caller Uh, Minneapolis.

1:24:40🔗 Adam Uh, mental note. Uh, do not raise family in Minneapolis. She said, did the mailman get a shot at you or? Let's let her. Jesus Christ. A neighbor, a babysitter, a guy next door, a guy down the street.

1:24:55🔗 Caller Anyway, I wanted to know.

1:24:55🔗 Adam A cable guy, a gooster. Yeah.

1:24:58🔗 Caller I wanted to know if, like, is it normal? Or, I mean.

1:25:05🔗 Drew This is all the remnant of your having been abused. And you're going to find another abuser to act this all out with. Not only is it a problem, not normal, it's, it's a recipe for trouble. Because you're finding com- compliant victimizers to help you act this stuff out. It's going to be a disaster for you, ultimately.

1:25:24🔗 Caller Alright.

1:25:24🔗 Adam You gotta, you gotta do a little therapy.

1:25:26🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:25:26🔗 Drew You gotta work this out. This is not the way to work it out.

1:25:29🔗 Adam Oh, listen. Get, having four people take a crack at you at a young.

1:25:32🔗 Drew I think four is seven.

1:25:33🔗 Adam Young age. I tell you, it breaks my heart. Turn my mic on, you son of a bitch. Sarah, our phone screener, Sarah, you like that, right? That turns you on. Oh, that one hit a little.

1:25:52🔗 Drew Oh, oh, you want to break. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

1:25:56🔗 Adam Oh, listen.

1:25:56🔗 Drew I'm going in the hall.

1:25:58🔗 Adam How dare you?

1:26:00🔗 Drew That I don't stay here and just appreciate the bouquet.

1:26:02🔗 Adam Yeah, let me see if I can fan a little of that over your way. Drew, get back here. Do your job. Drew, the kids are counting on you.

1:26:09🔗 Drew Let's go for a break. Come on.

1:26:12🔗 Adam All right. All right, we'll be back. Yeah, Loveline, Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew over there. Let's hop back on the phones. I see something that looks amazing over here, Drew. Yeah, you see what I'm seeing?

1:26:49🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:26:50🔗 Adam Hal? Hal.

1:26:53🔗 Caller Oh, hey, what's up, man?

1:26:54🔗 Adam Hey, you're 18, what's going on?

1:26:56🔗 Caller Pumpkin pie milkshake, my friend.

1:26:57🔗 Adam Oh.

1:26:58🔗 Caller Oh, yeah, you said you had the milk, you had the pumpkin pie, what you do? Take that old time scoop, take two scoops of pumpkin pie mix, drop it in your blender, three scoops of ice cream, vanilla like blue bunny, something decent, you know?

1:27:14🔗 Adam Blue bunny. Where are you calling from with the blue bunny ice cream?

1:27:18🔗 Caller I'm cooking in Mexico, man.

1:27:19🔗 Adam I don't think we have blue bunny out here, do we?

1:27:21🔗 Drew No, never heard of that. Go ahead.

1:27:24🔗 Caller You throw in like a half a cup of milk just to, you know, moisten it up and...

1:27:28🔗 Adam Half a cup of milk?

1:27:29🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:27:29🔗 Adam Yeah, what else?

1:27:30🔗 Caller Make a big old rip off the bong and...

1:27:32🔗 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:27:34🔗 Adam Yeah, I like to put a little splash of bong water in there, just to give it a little head, you know?

1:27:39🔗 Caller Hey, well, you know, that or like a rum.

1:27:42🔗 Adam Hey, Hal, don't you got to put some sugar in there too?

1:27:45🔗 Caller You know what, dude? If you want, throw a little brown sugar in there. Or if you're one of those retards, throw a little whipped cream on top.

1:27:51🔗 Adam Hey, how dare you? I like whipped cream on top of my shake.

1:27:54🔗 Caller Do you want to talk of... Okay, yeah, that's fine. But pumpkin pie and whipped cream? That's like white trash, Adam.

1:28:00🔗 Adam Wait a minute. Let me tell you, hold on a second. How dare you question my veracity? Pumpkin pie and like cool whip is white trash, but real, especially fresh whipped cream, which is very easy to make, by the way. Just take whipping cream, pour it in a bowl. You know what, Drew? You don't even have to put sugar into fresh whipped cream. It tastes like it has sugar in it because it's so rich. Yeah. Just put heavy whipping cream in a bowl. You could do it by hand. Just beat that thing, a big bowl of whipped cream in two minutes. Let's put a nice dollop of that on top of the pumpkin pie. That is nice. Also, if you buy your pie to place it with Marie Callender's, they will give you a big container, it looks like a soup container that is filled with fresh whipped cream.

1:28:47🔗 Drew I've got to eat now.

1:28:48🔗 Adam Me too.

1:28:48🔗 Drew I eat.

1:28:49🔗 Adam You know what is the best goddamn shake I've ever had in my life? I used to go to a place called Swenson's. I know. We used to do a late night show for Stoners.

1:28:56🔗 Drew I think there still is a Swenson's.

1:28:57🔗 Adam Well, another late night show for Stoners, yeah. Go to this place called Swenson's. I used to order a, listen to this tip, all you Stoners, this is heaven. You order a regular milkshake, just like a vanilla milkshake. Pick whatever ice cream you want, but don't get too exotic. No sherbets or anything, just tell them to put some sarsaparilla sauce in it. Okay. Where did you come up with that? Sarsaparilla is root beer. Yeah. Sarsaparilla, I mean, if you had a tablespoon of sarsaparilla, it would taste like you drank a case of root beer. Yeah. It's just all concentrated root beer flavor. You put a nice teaspoon, a couple of teaspoons of that in the vanilla milkshake, it tastes like a root beer milkshake. But the only problem with the root beer float is the root beer in the float part.

1:29:44🔗 Drew Right. You can't get it.

1:29:45🔗 Adam If it had the consistency of milkshake but tasted like pure root beer, hog F in heaven. Listen to me, I wouldn't kid around. Amy, let's see if I can pack 25 on in the next four days, Drew. You with me?

1:30:01🔗 Drew I'm on my way.

1:30:02🔗 Adam Accept my challenge? Amy, you're 21. What's up?

1:30:06🔗 Caller Well, it started with an eating disorder that I've had for about 10 years.

1:30:10🔗 Adam How about that sarsaparilla milkshake though?

1:30:12🔗 Caller Sounds fabulous.

1:30:13🔗 Drew I'm about to enter eating disorder mode myself.

1:30:16🔗 Adam Root beer, the consistency of like peanut butter. You know what I'm saying?

1:30:21🔗 Caller Sounds wonderful. That hits the spot.

1:30:24🔗 Adam What's up?

1:30:24🔗 Drew Hi, Amy.

1:30:25🔗 Caller Well, I've had an eating disorder for 10 years and I know that the depression that comes from it is the way I deal with my relationships. It's like I push everybody away because I know that when people start getting close, then they're going to start asking questions. I don't want anybody to know.

1:30:43🔗 Drew No.

1:30:43🔗 Caller What's going on because it's a very shameful feeling.

1:30:46🔗 Adam Wait, you're still in the middle of your eating disorder?

1:30:49🔗 Caller I've just now started going to counseling.

1:30:52🔗 Adam Okay, let me explain something about the eating disorder. Guys are not nearly as repelled by that as they should be.

1:30:59🔗 Caller It's pretty disgusting.

1:31:00🔗 Adam I know, but they don't look at it as that big a deal.

1:31:03🔗 Drew They don't care.

1:31:04🔗 Adam Especially because most chicks have eating disorders or good-looking for some reason. And they'll sidestep that.

1:31:10🔗 Drew And they can be sexually compulsive.

1:31:12🔗 Adam Yeah. So it's like, hey, you got some skinny chick who's banging the bejesus out of you, you're fine with the eating disorder.

1:31:18🔗 Caller And it's like I'm in this willing state of just delusion.

1:31:23🔗 Drew What do you mean, delusion?

1:31:24🔗 Caller Well, it's like, I know that I have the problem, but I almost would rather have the problem than peel back the layers of hurt and whatnot that go along with it.

1:31:32🔗 Drew Well, that's just defensiveness.

1:31:35🔗 Adam You're doing a lot of thinking, baby.

1:31:36🔗 Drew It's just resistance.

1:31:37🔗 Caller So I've had a really rough night.

1:31:38🔗 Adam Are you still throwing up?

1:31:41🔗 Caller Yeah, I did today.

1:31:42🔗 Adam They did?

1:31:43🔗 Drew That's just avoidance. That's not delusion. Delusion means you're disconnected from reality.

1:31:48🔗 Adam Yeah. What was your mom? Overbearing?

1:31:52🔗 Caller Well, I was a ballerina.

1:31:54🔗 Adam Oh, yes.

1:31:55🔗 Caller Yes. For 10 years, I was a ballerina.

1:31:57🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:31:58🔗 Caller A lot of pressure.

1:31:59🔗 Adam Yeah. So your parents come down on you?

1:32:02🔗 Caller Well...

1:32:02🔗 Adam Who was the ball buster? Your mom?

1:32:04🔗 Caller It was my mother.

1:32:06🔗 Adam Yeah. Right. Yeah. I had an eating disorder, too. It was called the 15-grain bread and unsalted, unbleached and raw peanut butter still in the shell in a goddamn hand-thrown pottery jar. I'd have to get a chisel out of there with a mason's chisel. Oh, that eat pure pie filling right out of the can. All right. Hey, Amy, stick with your work. Maybe now is not the best time for a serious relationship.

1:32:36🔗 Drew Actually it is. And if you're going to start getting into some therapy and some treatment for the eating disorder, now is the time not to get stuck in a relationship that will hold you back a little bit at this stage.

1:32:45🔗 Adam But don't make it the bane of the relationship.

1:32:49🔗 Drew No, that to me is BS. It is. It's more avoidance. It's that she doesn't want to be vulnerable. Yes, indeed, there's a lot of shame. Yes, indeed.

1:32:58🔗 Adam But I know. But you know what people do? People say, under the auspices of being honest, they repel people. They go, listen, I want to be straight up with you. I had sex with this many people. I was a prostitute for a short while. And a handful of porn, gay and straight porn films. And I have an eating disorder. I want to be up front with you. And I know we're just getting in the car on the first date. And maybe I haven't heard some of this because you're walking around. And you let me in the passenger side. But I want to be straight up. And it's not. It's more BS. It's a straightforward BS. But it's BS. What you're doing is you're pushing the person away. Yeah, you know they're going to be freaked out. Don't burden people. This is your problem. Yeah, maybe if you guys are planning on getting married, you can talk about it. But deal with it. You got a problem. You're dealing with it. Fine. Tyson?

1:33:49🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:33:49🔗 Adam You're 24.

1:33:50🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:33:51🔗 Adam What's up?

1:33:52🔗 Caller Well, I have read in a book that there is a protein, and I don't want to get attacked about this because it may not be true. That's why I'm calling. What book? It was a metaphysical book. I could just give the title of the book, but I wouldn't be exactly sure. Anyway, it sort of has to do with, I guess, the Virgin Mary and how she became pregnant. Okay, see, this is what I'm talking about. That there's a protein in a woman's body that's, the book says that it's located near the original eight cells, which are in the lower center back, and that this protein can impregnate a woman. Right. So this is mostly for Dr. Drew and for Adam.

1:34:33🔗 Drew How would a protein do that?

1:34:35🔗 Caller Well, that's why I'm asking.

1:34:36🔗 Drew Yeah, protein, it's about ribonucleic acids joining that creates the pregnancy.

1:34:44🔗 Adam Where's the original eight cells?

1:34:46🔗 Drew Yeah, and that's another bizarre concept by itself.

1:34:49🔗 Caller Okay, hey, I mean, this is the stuff that I read.

1:34:51🔗 Drew Yeah, there's no such original cells.

1:34:55🔗 Adam We're not going to shoot the messenger, but we'll make fun of him.

1:34:59🔗 Caller Okay.

1:34:59🔗 Adam What are you reading this garbage for?

1:35:01🔗 Drew What's in your back is neuroectodermal cells, and those are, you know, those occur far later than the original Blaschelus stage, which is the original cells, but all of those differentiate and fold and ripple into all kinds of things. There's nothing's the same as it was when you're four cells deep.

1:35:18🔗 Adam And let me explain scientifically how the Virgin Mary got pregnant.

1:35:22🔗 Caller Yeah, this is what I want.

1:35:23🔗 Adam Some old hebes wrote it down when they were drunk. That's how the Virgin Mary got pregnant.

1:35:28🔗 Caller Well, is there any attempt at a scientific...

1:35:30🔗 Adam No, she wasn't pregnant. It's nonsense.

1:35:34🔗 Caller Or somebody just wasn't owning up to it.

1:35:35🔗 Adam Oh, listen, he turned the water into wine. He parted the Red Sea. The bush caught on fire, started talking to him. You want scientific discussion on that? What about Noah's Ark? Put two of every animal in the ark flooded. What's the science behind it? What's the science behind it? What's the science behind cat in a hat? What's the science behind yurtle turtle? What's the science?

1:35:59🔗 Drew It's nothing.

1:36:00🔗 Adam It's fantasy.

1:36:01🔗 Drew But be that as it may, there are lessons in it and you don't have to take it literally and discuss the biology of it.

1:36:08🔗 Adam There you go.

1:36:09🔗 Caller Better, better, better.

1:36:39🔗 Drew And mercifully, this show is over. Yes, another evening of cooking and eating with Adam and Drew. Thank you for joining us. A delightful and delectable tale about cranberries tonight and other interesting culinary experiences. I can't believe how much time we wasted tonight talking about food. But I'm going to go home and eat. And Adam has already left to eat, in fact. So again, he and I will be back tomorrow night with At the Drive-In, interesting new band. And until that time, this is Dr. Drew on behalf of Adam Corolla saying mahalo. Painful erection that will not go away.

1:37:11🔗 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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