2:01🔗
Voiceover
Hey, it's Loveline, I think. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191, fax number 310-854-4455. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and an addiction medicine specialist. Tonight, our guest, the legendary Los Angeles Lakers player, Michael Cooper, part of the original Showtime ensemble over there and also the head coach of the Los Angeles Sparks as well for, well, I guess next year will be your third season, right?
2:34🔗
Michael Cooper
Well, actually, technically, my second as a head coach, I was assistant coach last year and this year. Nice to be here. Thank you for having me.
2:42🔗
Adam
Oh, you know what? No one ever says that on this show. You must not know this show. We've never had a guest say, nice to be here. Thanks for having me. Have you ever heard that, Drew? No. You've only been doing this show for 15 years, so give it time. Michael's not our typical guest on this show.
3:07🔗
Adam
Well, I was always a Lakers fan growing up in Los Angeles, so a fan of Showtime and Coupe, as we call them here. I guess he was known as that throughout the country. But I don't know all the particulars. I know you got at least two or three world championships under your belt. Four?
3:49🔗
Michael Cooper
I joined the Lakers in 78 as a rookie out of the University of New Mexico, hometown here in Los Angeles. And got an opportunity to show my skills with the Lakers and play 12 great years with them.
4:04🔗
Michael Cooper
Okay. I know you're supposed to be interviewing me, but who was your favorite team back in the 80s? And be truthful.
4:11🔗
Adam
I got to go with the Clippers, man. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, bro. No, Baswell was always the Lakers.
4:21🔗
Adam
The Lakers were a layup because pardon the pun, because I grew up in the North Hollywood and I've never left, basically, the San Fernando Valley. And the Lakers were good. So it was a team you would have rooted for even if you were living out of town. But I happened to be lucky or unlucky enough to grow up in Los Angeles and therefore, I always rooted for the Lakers. And I remember all those great battles with the Celtics. And I mean, I remember standing at a mall with my girlfriend about 10 years ago, just standing in a window in front of an electronic store watching game number three or four. And I mean, those were some epic battles. I don't know why it doesn't quite seem the same today. Maybe it's just because I'm older and I just don't care. But I'll tell you, back then, especially with the Celtics, those were just, I mean, I was just screaming. It was also the same with the Dodgers and the Yankees. I mean, it was a battle.
5:15🔗
Michael Cooper
You know what, and Adam, and through those days, and again, I want to thank you for standing in front of that window and watching us because, you know, we played for the fans and I think that's what is lacking in today's game. And, you know, you got some great young players here, but the passion, I think, has gone out of it because it's so jaded by all the dollars that are flying around. And I said this before I retired. I don't think there's any one player in this league that will ever come along that makes more than a hundred million dollars. I don't believe that there's a player like that. I think the only player that could, that commands that kind of money is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Wilt Chamberlain and Bill Russell. That's it. Those other players are great players, Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, but they do not command that. For them to be throwing the money away that they are giving away now, Shaquille O'Neal, and granted the players are playing, but I don't feel that that money should be thrown around, and I think that's what's lacking today.
6:01🔗
Adam
Well, I was talking to a buddy of mine today, which was how do you coach guys that are making 85 million? You know what I mean?
6:10🔗
Adam
How do you coach a guy? It's like you are the boss, except for the guy in the mail room makes 20 times your salary, and you're going to tell him to get you a cup of coffee. He's going to tell you to blow him. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It just, well anyway, the point is, you got in, I mean, if you sit back, and one day when you're 75, and you're sitting down on your porch, and you're rocking back and forth, and you're drooling just a little bit, and you sit back and reflect on your life and your career, and being born, where you're born, and when you were born, and the opportunities, I think you'll see that you hit a window that was perfect. I mean, you hit a great 12 years, right in there. I mean, with the right team, with the right time, with the right city, you know what I'm saying?
6:54🔗
Michael Cooper
You know, you hit it right on the head. I mean, I've had the very pleasure of playing basketball when it really meant something to the people and to the players, and I hope I'm not drooling at 75. I'm sitting there.
7:08🔗
Adam
The point is, is yeah, even if you'd played today, you may have played with the Lakers for three seasons, but then you probably would have been moved on and gone to Portland or something, like everyone does.
7:17🔗
Michael Cooper
Exactly, and you know, that's the one thing that I do cherish about my career, is that I'm a very few selected players ever just get with an organization and play with it their entire career. So I am very happy about that.
7:33🔗
Adam
Yeah, I mean, he was so silky smooth, that guy. Well, other guys, I mean, you talk about other players, but those other guys look like they're working. Worthy always looked like he was going about half speed and still whooping everybody. He'd take the ball off the dribble and he'd just keep it in the one hand, right off the dribble. He'd never get his other hand involved and then he'd raise his hand up and the ball would start pulling him toward the hoop. It would look like it yanked him toward the hoop and it just boosh right in and it wasn't any big celebration or anything. He just glided right back around. Just even his face didn't look like, he always looked like he was a little bored out there.
8:06🔗
Michael Cooper
Well, I think James had that command of his game where he didn't really let the game show its emotions on him. He kept his emotions in check and I think, those are the hardest players to guard, players that you can't see a sign of strength or weakness. That's why he was one of the great ones.
8:27🔗
Adam
But let's talk about here and now and what's going on. We're plugging this big charity event which is going on this Saturday at 5.30. It's the All-Star Celebrity Softball Game. And the money is going to fight domestic violence. It's going to a shelter called the Valley Oasis. And there's a lot of celebrities are going to be involved with this. And I was not asked to do it, but I'd like to play in it. I really would.
9:21🔗
Adam
Here's the point, Coop. I got game. I'm telling you right now. I'm announcing it on the air. I'm making a very bold prediction. And here's the thing about, here's the deal.
9:33🔗
Adam
We'll talk about Jimmy after this. But here's the deal. I got softball game. I do. And if I'm if I hold my ass out there, I want to play. I don't want to platoon with Elaine Boozler or anything like that. I want to be out on that field.
9:49🔗
Adam
I can go on the baseball center field because the wheelbarrow was going to be my second. My answer center field or first base. I'm left handed.
10:00🔗
Michael Cooper
We're going to put you at it. We'll put you. You can have first base. Take it.
10:15🔗
Adam
I can hit. Listen, I wouldn't talk about it on the air if I wasn't planning on whooping some ass on Saturday. I've just got to know from you that I'm going to be playing in that ball game. I will be out there. I'll be out there early running laps.
10:33🔗
Adam
Did you check that out? No. Listen, I don't care if I'm playing against the ghost of Burl Ives. I'm excited. I am pumped. I love softball. I'm coming out Saturday. I want all you folks to come out there and watch me.
10:50🔗
Adam
Forget about the cause. You watch me play. I may hit a couple homers. Is there a fence on this field? I got power.
11:09🔗
Adam
Don't let the shabby physique fool you. I got power. All right. Now my headphones have crapped out. Drew, is yours okay?
11:16🔗
It's going around.
11:17🔗
Adam
All right. We'll talk more about this as the night wears on. We'll hop on the phones now. John?
11:22🔗
How are you, Don?
11:25🔗
Caller
Well, I walked into my friend's house about a week and a half ago, and he was in full drag. Bra, panties, everything.
11:36🔗
Caller
He whips out. He started yelling at me, calling me all this stuff, and then he slams the door.
11:46🔗
Adam
Hey, John, you idiot. You hang up on him there, Anderson? Yeah. Anderson's had an ass full of this place today. John used the F word, so he had to cut him off, and Anderson's in no mood tonight because he's had some technical difficulties. Mike?
12:02🔗
Yeah.
12:07🔗
Caller
Yeah. My girlfriend, she's 16, and whenever we get into it, she won't let us go any further than just kissing, unless there's music playing.
12:15🔗
Caller
She's never really given me a straight answer. I've asked her about it, and she's like, no, we can't do anything unless there's music playing. So I always have to go over to CD player, put something in.
12:24🔗
Adam
Well, hold on there, Einstein. You haven't figured that out by now, that you have a CD going before you start in on it? You know what I'm saying?
12:32🔗
Not really, man.
12:37🔗
Caller
It's just anything. I mean, it doesn't really matter what it is. It's just she won't get into it unless there's music going.
13:04🔗
Adam
All right. Sorry, Mike. I don't believe you either. All right. Listen, I'll tell you why. Because guys catch on very quickly.
13:13🔗
Drew
Right. Well, listen, the guys are diabolical. When it comes to closing deals like that, are you kidding? Right. He'd be running alongside the car if that's what you want him to do.
13:22🔗
Adam
Now, listen, if you had a date who came over and put out and requested a nice big glass of snake blood, the next time she came over for a date, you'd have a gallon of snake's blood chilling in the fridge. Maybe, maybe Martini Shaker with it.
13:54🔗
I'm an experienced smoker, I guess you could say. I've been down to college. I'm on my fifth year, so I've been heavily smoking weed for about four years.
14:08🔗
Yeah. It picked up the end of my freshman year.
14:16🔗
The whole issue I've heard Drew bring up before about the breath-like features or nipples, puffing. Right.
14:24🔗
Drew
You get gynecomastia from that. You're 22. It's a little old. Did you start getting that around 15?
14:33🔗
Caller
I mean, it's probably increased over the last couple of years extremely as opposed to if there were anything. I mean, naturally, we didn't have the regular smaller nipples.
14:46🔗
I don't know.
14:48🔗
Drew
It certainly must be the pot then. It really has to. Pot will enlarge breasts, typically in earlier adolescence, but at your age, it can happen.
15:13🔗
Adam
That's all right. Listen, it may be time to move in their training bra. That's all right. I got my first one when I was, well, I was a little younger than you. I was 19.
15:24🔗
Adam
No. I moved into a B cup. I'm not using a training bar anymore. I was wearing a C, but I got tired of stuffing it and I thought, come on, face reality, buddy. You're B. You're B. No, it's just full of hair. That's all. Hey, Angelo?
15:45🔗
Caller
I've gone through that little war already. It's tough. It's the whole crowd. It's the circle of friends. It's all those issues.
15:53🔗
Drew
Hey, it's the pot. I don't care if you lived in Antarctica, you'd be getting the pot. Look, really, it's a profoundly addictive drug for some people.
16:02🔗
Adam
All right. You don't think you could, you can't cut back on it. You either got to quit or not, right?
16:08🔗
Caller
I think I could maybe eventually go back to a controlled juice, which would be nice, but that takes some time.
16:50🔗
Adam
Then listen, let me tell you something about being stoned. You don't look good naked when you're stoned, no matter what you look like. But when you got breast, you're really freaking out hard.
17:19🔗
Adam
All right, he got another, how many championships? Well, now, he went off to Phoenix for a while.
17:28🔗
Adam
Five, a ring, a ring on, did they make one bigger for your thumb? One of those championship rings?
17:38🔗
Adam
I'll tell you, I'd be kind of modest. I'd probably only wear three or four of them out on a daily basis, running errands, that kind of stuff, gardening. Probably just wear three or four of the championship rings.
17:53🔗
Michael Cooper
Dr. Drew, may I ask you a question? Yeah. I have a problem where for me to get in a certain way when I'm with a woman, is she has to have beautiful feet.
18:20🔗
Adam
When the emperor, the king walks in the room, what do all the servants do? They get down at the feet, they grovel, you know what I mean? They kiss the feet.
18:30🔗
Drew
Yeah. Maybe his mom, very tall, maybe that was all he could get to when he was a little kid.
18:43🔗
Michael Cooper
But she had ugly feet. So I don't like ugly feet. They have to have pretty feet.
19:03🔗
No way.
19:05🔗
No.
19:05🔗
Adam
What's shrimping? I don't even know if we can talk about that on the air. That's a gay thing.
19:10🔗
Adam
Just close your eyes and picture that the gays have come up with something to do. All right. That's all you need to know.
19:26🔗
Drew
Is there anything that people develop these fixations on objects or parts of people that they need in order to function sexually. It usually is a way of protecting from feeling overwhelmed in the intimate moments. In other words, you feel like you could get lost in it or sort of swallowed up by the whole experience. So people develop these preferences that they sort of stay focused on. It's a way of really the theory is they sort of maintain control over the circumstance for themselves emotionally, emotionally. Adam is the best.
20:03🔗
Adam
That's all I see. I believe the feet are there to hold up the brass. That's the only function. Speaking of feet, and I just got to say something because we're doing this charity thing on Saturday. If I see another goddamn charity thing where they're auctioning off one of Shaq's shoes, I will kill myself. It's like, yes, he has a huge shoe. We get it. Every single charity event, everything I go to, they're putting display cases.
20:29🔗
It's crazy big.
20:34🔗
Adam
That's true. But you know, my theory is, I think that's just from the one big foot. I think his other foot's like a 10 and a half or 11. That's what I was thinking about because they never have both shoes. It's always just the one shoe. And I think he wears like a size 28 on one. But the other shoe that they don't talk about, 11, 10 and a half, 11.
20:59🔗
His shoe is... I don't know how the guy can move. I mean, the guy's shoe is like a spare tire.
21:06🔗
Adam
I mean, the guy had to bring it in in a hand truck. You know what I mean? He couldn't even drag that thing in there. What size shoe do you got?
21:23🔗
Michael Cooper
We're at the All-Star Security Celebrity Softball game that you're supposed to be at and that you're going to hit all these home runs and get all these runs.
21:43🔗
Michael Cooper
As long as he gets some hits, he can yell and scream all he wants. Kiss my ass, you idiots.
21:50🔗
Adam
Listen, when you got the kind of game I got, you're allowed to be temperamental. And if I ground out, that dugout is, I'll turn that place into a car wash. I'll come back. I'll start throwing Gatorade containers. I'll take the bats, throw them out on the field.
22:03🔗
Michael Cooper
So, all you listeners that want to see that, you can call 661-272-5939 for more information. And see that show that Adam is going to put on in the dugout.
22:19🔗
Adam
That's right. That is this Saturday. Come on out. Watch me hit a home run or destroy the dugout. It'll be one or the other, I guarantee it. Michael Cooper is our guest tonight, the LA Great Five Championship rings under his big belt. We'll take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Jason, who's found a penile fitness program. Oh, Michael was interested in this too. After this. Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800.
23:40🔗
Adam
Oh, we are? Well, this thing's real hard to adjust because normally I have it up another three or four clicks, and now I can't. I don't know what's up with that. Is that good?
23:52🔗
Adam
Thank you. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. The great Michael Coopers are guessing I 13 years on the Los Angeles Lakers, five championship rings, and now head coach of the Los Angeles Sparks. I hate to admit it as a guy, but this whole WNBA thing has been picking up some pretty good momentum. I don't know what the attendance was the first season.
24:19🔗
Adam
Yes, I'd like to bring this up. It's not really a question though, it's more of a rant or a statement.
24:34🔗
Adam
Now, these are the biggest names in the WNBA, right? Right. What do you think they get for something like that?
24:41🔗
Michael Cooper
The women don't get as much as the men because the league is just now developing. I see.
25:01🔗
Michael Cooper
They have the shoe endorsement for the whole league, but those two players, they pick out to have their shoe modeled after.
25:21🔗
Michael Cooper
But that will come. It's like anything that's being born, they eventually will get to that point.
25:31🔗
Adam
Michael Jordan. Okay. Now, yet, Nike runs spots where they have the black female announcer doing the little homage to the Warriors, and she wants to know why the sisters aren't getting paid as much. How come the girls aren't getting the big bucks? They work just as hard, they sweat just as hard, but yet they're not getting paid the big bucks like the guys are. Nike runs this spot. So, here's my question to these pussies over at Nike. You pay Sheryl Swoops what you paid Michael Jordan or shut the F up. Okay?
26:09🔗
Adam
You want to know why they're not making the big bucks? Because you're not paying them the big bucks, you pussies.
26:19🔗
Adam
I know Michael's getting scared now, but I go ballistic when I see that because Nike, you are the ones who are not paying them. You want them to get paid the same as men? Fine.
26:31🔗
Michael Cooper
But Adam, it's like that old saying, what have you done for me lately? Jordan sells a lot of shoes for Nike.
26:39🔗
Michael Cooper
The fact comes now is women's professional sports, through and through, basketball, baseball, soccer, the whole works is starting to rise up now.
26:47🔗
Michael Cooper
Just now. So the ladies have to understand that all these ladies that are coming now are front runners. They're the trailblazers for these other young ladies that are coming up the next 10, 20 years. That's right.
26:59🔗
Adam
Eventually. All right. Then here's my suggestion for Nike. Hold the commercial off. Stop the belly aching and the complaining.
27:12🔗
Michael Cooper
These commercials are for the younger kids. They're inspiring young people to come on up and be athletes now.
27:18🔗
Adam
All right. But what would you say if I ran a spot as the owner of a business saying why aren't my employees being paid more?
27:27🔗
Michael Cooper
I own it. So now, yeah. Well, they're getting heard to be the spokesman. I guarantee you, next — it's not going to happen overnight. The next three, four, five years, the contracts will slowly go up as women's basketball come to rock.
27:42🔗
Michael Cooper
I'm just taking a wild guess. I don't even have a real clue, but this is just a wild guess. I would say, and don't hold me to this.
28:13🔗
Adam
That's right. All right, Nike, here's your chance, you big pussies. Put your money where your loud mouth is. Go ahead and pay these girls who ain't worth it because you ain't paying them. Go pay them a million. No, pay them 15 million a year for a shoe contract that ain't worth it to you. And then they'll be getting paid just as much as the boys. All right. And then you can shut up. Until then, don't run the ad.
28:34🔗
Michael Cooper
But you know what? This is what I say to anybody that talks about Nike. Before Jordan, there was George Gervin. There were so many other athletes that wore Nike to put Nike up on the map. Then Jordan came along and he was that exceptional athlete to take it over the top. So again, it's going to take people to come in and set the pace and then there'll be somebody to take it and run.
28:54🔗
Michael Cooper
Attendance is good. You got a few teams and we're one of the teams that hadn't done well. We did extremely well this season and we're going. I think here in Los Angeles, you have such a hard sell because there's so many other things going. Is that old saying, if you build it, they'll come? Well, if you win, they'll come in LA. We had a great season this year, 28 and 4. We're moving to the Staples Center next year and we're going to get our attendance. But the attendance is getting big in the WNBA.
29:17🔗
Adam
But nationally, over the league, what was it the first season and what is it in season number 4?
29:24🔗
Michael Cooper
Well, as in any new thing, it was up, I'd say around eight, nine, 10,000 a game. Now it's dropped off to maybe about seven or six, but then they're growing. They're the teams such as the Phoenix, Mercury, Houston, and Comers, New York Liberty, the Charlotte Sting that are averaging like 10,000 a game.
29:42🔗
Michael Cooper
That is. I mean, again, until people, you have to realize is we're in the market during the summer where everybody is vacationing now. So the WNBA is marketing more of a family atmosphere, rather where the NBA is marketing that hardcore athletes such as yourself, that guy that's going to drink beer and come to the game, Adam, and sit there no matter who's playing the Clippers or the Lakers. The WNBA wants the whole family to come out and that's why they're doing a good job. I think in the marketing.
30:06🔗
Adam
There's not a girl on any team in the league that you couldn't put a woman on though, right?
30:11🔗
Michael Cooper
In your street shoes, right? I'll bet, Adam, I'll bet you $1,000 that there's probably, I can name three players on our team that I know you couldn't be.
30:21🔗
Adam
Oh, yeah. That's true, that's true. But it might be fun. I mean, we'll do something with the Man Show next year. We'll play, get a little game going. You know, me and my partner, Jimmy, on the Man Show played a couple of the Juggie Dance Squad girls and beat them, and they had college scholarships to play basketball, but they weren't WNBA material.
30:48🔗
Michael Cooper
I'm going to tell you this, Adam, women, the WNBA players per player play harder and better than any player, any team or other men in the NBA. Really? Per player, from guards to the big people.
31:03🔗
Michael Cooper
Lisa Leslie tried, no one is dunked in a game, but that's why I love the game, because it's played below the rim. They have to use all the fundamental aspects of basketball.
31:13🔗
Michael Cooper
Yeah, I actually, believe it or not, I used to run a camp in Pasadena in 89, and Lisa came when she was at SC, or could have been a little bit sooner than that, and her and I had had a dunking contest, and she actually was hanging stride for stride with me.
31:26🔗
Michael Cooper
But eventually I pulled through with a two hand over the back rim rattler, and she couldn't hang.
31:34🔗
Adam
Oh, okay. Yeah, so she, now, if she can dunk all day in practice, she should be able to squeeze one off.
31:39🔗
Michael Cooper
Well, it's tough in a game, you're playing up and down, all of a sudden, you have to...
31:42🔗
Adam
No, that's just bad coaching proof, I gotta say. Let her, okay, here's what you need her to do. You need, next time you guys get ahead, okay, here's what I want you to do. First off, I want to go out there and like a wig.
31:57🔗
Adam
And like high heels sneakers. Like next time you guys get 20 points ahead in the game, just as a goof, just to bring some good attention to the game. Because when things are starting up like this is, sometimes you got to do a prank or some high jinx to get a little attention. You send me out there with a big stuffed bra and the big rouge on my cheeks, the big pippy long stocking wig to run up and down the court. That'd be fun. But number two, you have Lisa Leslie, you have her cherry pick. Next time you guys get 20 points ahead, just have her cherry pick back there and just work on it during practice and get her a dunk. Because you get her a dunk, it's on all the news that night and it's a big deal.
32:32🔗
Michael Cooper
Well, we were playing Indiana Fever this year and she got a breakaway and she tried to dunk. It came up a little bit short. She jumped on the high side. She tried to come from the side of the rim. And I think a woman that can dunk is going to have to come from the front. But there's a player up in Utah, Margo Didik, who's 7'2. And she will be the first one to dunk, I think, if she can get a breakaway.
32:50🔗
Adam
She'll be the first to dunk if you don't use my cherry picking plan. And then the first dunk is going to be over there and not in LA where it belongs.
32:59🔗
Yeah.
33:01🔗
Caller
Hey, well, I browse Pointe a lot. And a lot of times when I'm on there, I see all these advertisements for Penile Fitness, some type of penis enlargement program, I guess.
33:21🔗
Adam
Yeah. Those pumps would be in, well, you'd have to lease them. They would be like that German manufacturing equipment, you know. It costs you $800 or $900 just to keep it for each month, and you'd have to insure it as well.
33:34🔗
Caller
Yeah. Well, I've heard of the pumps too, but there's this stuff on the internet now that it's not even a pump. They talk about there's exercises you can go through.
33:42🔗
Drew
That's because they can no longer fool you with the pump BS. They have to move on to something else.
33:52🔗
Drew
Why are you so worried about that? You're 20. Don't you have other things to think about in your life?
33:55🔗
Caller
Yeah. I think about other stuff, but I see it all the time on the internet, so I just care about it.
34:06🔗
Adam
But you're still thinking about his penis. Hey, Jason. Yeah. You do what I do. Instead of focusing on ways to make the penis bigger, you focus on ways to shrink the balls. That's going to make the penis look bigger. You understand?
34:21🔗
Adam
Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. That's right. Put one of those big vacuum pumps on your head and swell your self-esteem. Right, Drew?
34:50🔗
Caller
But before I came on the phone, I had it up and it's a whole other program. It's you, but it's got the chick from Sabrina, I think.
35:01🔗
Adam
All right. So stay tuned. All right. There you go. I had this other plan to enlarge my penis, which was to carve out the area around it. You know what I mean? A trench. A trench. Trench around it. Yeah. As if, you know, like let's say you have your mailbox sticking up off your front lawn and you can't get any more height out of it because it'll fall out. You dig around it. You lower the surface around it. Therefore, it makes the post look bigger. What about that, Drew?
35:33🔗
Drew
No. Just for the moment that you're masturbating, but that's it. No, it doesn't do anything over the long haul.
35:42🔗
Adam
Believe me, I'd have my Johnson in a wheelbarrow right now if masturbation made it larger. But how does it work? I know you've given me the answer to this a few times, but the way to make a muscle larger is to bring blood to that muscle, right?
36:03🔗
Drew
Blood delivery is necessary for the growth, but the growth is the result of the muscle fiber and increasing the workload of that fiber and tearing it down and increasing the protein.
36:13🔗
Adam
But essentially, when you have an erection, you're not only bringing blood to that area, but you're putting a workload on it, too.
36:22🔗
Adam
But it's not a muscle, so there's nothing to grow. Yeah. It's like saying, what if I put a vacuum device on a balloon? It would just suck air or water to that place, and then when you took the vacuum off, it would just go back to its shape.
36:37🔗
Adam
That's what essentially it is. Your penis is just a cavern that holds blood. It's got a little hole in it, so you can tinkle, right?
36:58🔗
Hello.
37:02🔗
Caller
Well, part of that two weeks ago, me and my boyfriend had sex, right? But we had it unprotected. And he didn't ejaculate inside of me or anything.
37:22🔗
Drew
You can get pregnant just from penetration because guys sometimes leak a little fluid that's high in sperm.
37:59🔗
Drew
Once you get on the birth control pillow or at least keep the morning after pill around. Okay.
38:41🔗
He just got up.
38:59🔗
Adam
I go there. I excuse myself in the bathroom. And I go, oh. And then I just walk back out.
39:29🔗
Michael Cooper
Drew, would you recommend she take another pregnancy test, even if that one came out negative?
39:36🔗
Yeah.
39:41🔗
Adam
Championship owner of five championship rings with the Los Angeles Lakers. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be back after this.
40:22🔗
Oh, too loud, huh?
40:24🔗
Adam
Did I do that to you guys? Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Michael Cooper is our guest tonight. Michael played 13 fabulous seasons with the Los Angeles Lakers. Five championship rings, I was surprised to hear. I knew there were a few in there, but five, I don't even know in sports. Does anyone have more than five? Do you know what I'm saying?
40:59🔗
Adam
He's white, so that doesn't count. The Niners have four or five Super Bowls? I know there's a few guys who played, guys like Matt Millen who played for the Raiders, got a Super Bowl ring and went to the Niners and got a few. Is there anyone who has six in any sport?
41:21🔗
Michael Cooper
Oh, yeah, the Boston Celtics, they're back then. Bill Russell and them have like ten.
41:26🔗
Michael Cooper
They won 16. Really? He played like eight in a row, nine in a row. Thirty-three.
41:31🔗
Adam
Really? Yeah. Anderson said the Montreal Canadiens have 33, but I'm talking about one dude on the Canadians. You know what I mean? There's like one guy, Rogui Lachon or something, who has like 11. Yeah, but that hockey, that doesn't count. It's not a real sport. And Bill Russell, that was too long ago. That's ancient history. I'm going to put some, I'm going to put an asterisk by this, but anybody since let's say 1965, maybe 1970, anybody have more than five rings?
42:16🔗
Adam
That's right. That's right. Five, no big deal. That's nothing. What do you got, Drew Drew, you got three, right? I got seven. Oh, man, I'm sorry. Jeez, I didn't know. Lisa?
42:28🔗
Yeah?
42:34🔗
Caller
Great, I know, fabulous, huh? OK, so my question is, why do different vaginal sensations create different orgasms?
42:51🔗
Caller
I can see a little sound effect. Yes. Like if my boyfriend's going down on me, you know, just clitoral stimulation, I also need vaginal stimulation to have a clitoral orgasm. But if I'm having like an erotic sex stream, I wake up having a vaginal orgasm, which feels totally different.
43:11🔗
Drew
I'm not sure all your compatriots have totally different experiences, one versus the other. In fact, rarely do we hear people having dramatic differences.
43:19🔗
Adam
Yeah, they usually just falls under the heading of orgasm. But Drew, maybe you can, Drew was telling me off the air that he has penile and anal orgasm. I want to know, like, what's the difference in that sensation? He's having an anal orgasm, Drew.
43:41🔗
Caller
Okay. So, like, okay, like, for instance, when I'm masturbating and I use a vibrator, it's a completely different feeling as opposed to having somebody's tongue licking my clitoris.
43:52🔗
Adam
Okay. Hold on. Let me write that down. So, you're saying you got a piece of plastic wedged up, yeah, that feels different than a guy's tongue along the outside of your vagina. Okay. Let me see.
44:07🔗
Caller
Like, the orgasms are, you know, you hear stories of mind-shattering orgasms, like my whole body trembles.
44:12🔗
Adam
Right. So, you're saying, for instance, for me, getting a blowjob might be different than like putting a mop handle on my ass or something like that. Would that be a different physical?
44:31🔗
Adam
No, but Lisa, I think the question we're asking was, what's the difference in the orgasm? We understand-
44:44🔗
Caller
Okay. Like in a clitoral one, it feels like I can feel my vaginal muscles clamping down as well. And I'm one of those lucky people who ejaculate in an orgasm, shooting, whatever you want to call it.
45:11🔗
Caller
I just- It feels like I have to urinate. It feels like I have to urinate really intensely, and then I feel a release.
45:26🔗
Caller
No, no, no, because it's not the same consistency as urine. You know, it's like a milky white.
45:30🔗
Adam
I see. All right. Hey, Lisa? Yeah? You're a handful, baby. I sure hope you're good-looking or this is going to be a mess. I'm not. It's going to ruin my masturbatory session tonight.
45:50🔗
Adam
It's funny when they, you know, it's always funny on this show when you say someone's crazy and they give you that-
45:57🔗
Adam
That Arnold from Happy Days, like, bah, hah, hah, hah, whole laugh, you know? What's up with the nurses, Drew? You work with them.
46:04🔗
Drew
Why are they all nuts? I would refer people to a book called The Drama of the Gifted Child.
46:16🔗
Drew
Well, it's a kind of a codependency. All right. They're not whacked, they're just a certain character concept.
46:28🔗
Hello?
46:51🔗
Caller
It was like kind of a boyfriend thing. I mean, boyfriend. And I was like holding hands at the time.
47:15🔗
Caller
Well, anyway, when I quit shortly after I was on an antidepressant, I stopped with that about less than a month ago.
47:26🔗
Drew
It's a common thing for people that have been addicted to start to remember things and have feelings that they really don't want to have or clearly had been avoiding. So, it's part of recovery is getting into all that, getting through it.
47:42🔗
Adam
I got a whiz. Here's the deal. If you got raped, you're going to have to get some counseling, and if you're a drug addict, you're going to have to get some counseling. So, stay in the program and keep with the counseling and don't hide from the feelings, just deal with them and let it come out, and deal with it, and get on with your life. I mean, can you do some counseling?
48:09🔗
Yep.
48:11🔗
There you go.
48:29🔗
Adam
All right. Let's just keep going with that stuff. Listen, we got to take a break. Okay. I mean, I don't want to be cruel, but there's no easy answer here. You got raped. You got to deal with it.
48:40🔗
Drew
You got to get counseling. You got to stay in recovery. You got to do daily work on this.
49:24🔗
Adam
Hey, Bloodline, I'm Adam Carolla. Oh yeah, here we go. Never do quite get that right. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Former Laker great Michael Cooper is our guest tonight. He is here talking about the All-Star Celebrity Charity Softball game, which is taking place this Saturday. And here's the phone number if anyone wants to come out and check that out. Again, watch me Homer or destroy the Dugout. The number is 661-793-9037. Again, 661-793-9037. There will be a bunch of celebrities there. It takes place about 5 o'clock this Saturday. Bring the kiddies, call that number, get the information, and come out and support a good cause, the Valley Oasis Domestic Violence Shelter, which I'm guessing is somewhere in the Valley. Is that true, Mike?
50:29🔗
Adam
Lancaster. The Lord knows there's probably plenty of domestic violence over there in Lancaster. Let me tell you my domestic violence policy. Cops show up the first time, they break up the fight. But if they show up the second time, they're going to shoot somebody. When I'm in charge, that's my plan, because I don't need the cops running around playing nursemaid to everybody. These cops are not counselors. I don't like them being called out to the house every 10 minutes. My thing is, if you're a couple and you're calling the cops, you got to get out of that house. You got to get a part. You know what I mean? Cops could show up once every three years, but if they're coming out a couple of times a month, I want them to shoot somebody. I really do.
51:14🔗
Adam
OK, I'm all right with taking them to jail. That's fine. But if the phone rings two weeks later and the cops are coming out again for another argument, then I want someone to be shot.
51:24🔗
Michael Cooper
Well, first time, two weeks, second time, a month, third time, a year, and then let's go like that.
51:30🔗
Adam
I want everyone, here's what I want. I want everyone to have three 911 calls in their life. That's it. Use more than that. I look at 911 calls like lawsuits. I would like, here's what I like to do. I like to find all the people in society that have called 911 more than ten times in the last two years, and I'd like to find all the people in society who've had more than three lawsuits in the last five years, and I like to put them all in a big net, tie a rock to it, and throw it out in the middle of the ocean.
51:59🔗
Adam
These are the troublemakers. You know, it's always funny when one of these guys is out pleading his lawsuit, and it's like, well, Mr. Johnson, this is your eleventh lawsuit in the last 18 months. Doesn't that, wouldn't that just raise a little bit of a flag if you're on the jury or the judge?
52:16🔗
Adam
I've managed to make it 36 years without one lawsuit, and these guys are on their fifth in the same month. You know what I'm saying? Why can't we just call, I would just start yelling liar halfway into whatever the guy was saying. I don't care if he was burnt over 90% of his body. It's like, hey, listen, buddy, you should have thought about that, your first 18 lawsuits. Now it's your 19th, and it's the boy who cried lawsuit, tossing your ass right out, and it's the same with the domestic violence. Cops break it up first few times, then you got to get a divorce. That's it. All right, where are we going here, Drew? Back to the phones? Yep. Joe?
52:52🔗
Caller
I want to congratulate you, Adam. You are my god, my king. If I was gay, I'd be your bitch.
52:59🔗
Dr. Drew, I love you.
53:01🔗
Caller
All right, now my question is, in my last six relationships, the first major one, well, not the first major one, but ever since my ex, Beyoncé, her and the other last five girls have all been sexually molestated or raped.
53:16🔗
Molestated.
53:17🔗
Caller
I want to know why I've been the one to find these last six. I mean, I've only gone out with six girls, and every one of them has been that way.
53:24🔗
Adam
It's funny, molestated is like someone hit them with the molestation ray from the big molestation gun. Now they've all been molestated. All right, so they were all molested.
53:40🔗
Caller
Yes, I've met them all in different genres. I mean, I met one at church, and then I quit going to church after I met that one.
53:52🔗
Adam
Yeah, I want to hit the red onion with you on a Saturday night and see what we pick up, Joe.
54:00🔗
Caller
I don't know. I'll be sitting at the bar, and I'll see a couple of girls walk in, look at which one I like the best, and which one is the best looking, and it's got the qualities that I like, and what are the qualities, and stuff like that.
54:14🔗
Caller
We'll go up there and start talking with them, and then we'll go out or whatnot, like we'll go out two or three times, and we'll end up sleeping together, and I could just tell from the first time I sleep with them, that there's something wrong, and so we'll talk about it. Then they'll say, oh, I was raped in my past, so I molested my genders.
54:33🔗
Adam
Well, he gets on them and they start crying, yelling, daddy, get off of me. Is that what happens?
54:40🔗
Adam
Hey, hold on. You guys ever have sex with someone and they start crying like halfway into it, or at the end, it's always a bummer. I always feel bad finishing, you know? It's like, I'm sorry you're crying, but just hang on. It's like, I feel like a dentist, you know, with a six-year-old. It's like, I know this is bad, but hold on. Let me just finish doing this filling.
55:03🔗
Adam
Hang in there. You get a lollipop when we're done. Pick a focus on an object in the room and just stay focused on that. I'm almost done.
55:25🔗
Yeah. I don't know what it is.
55:34🔗
Caller
I've had to give them every line I had to be able to make it to bed with them. And then it's only been like once or twice. I've gone out with a girl for four months and only had sex with them twice.
55:57🔗
Drew
You got to go take care of mom like you did when you were a kid. That's your deal. That's who you are in relation to women. You're the guy that takes care of mom. Right. Keeps her from falling apart and fragmenting ways that were horrifying to you as a child. You got to recreate that and try to make it okay in your adult life.
56:39🔗
Adam
For a while. It's cheap, but I don't know how much you get out of it. Plus, the guy often starts smelling eventually.
57:09🔗
Adam
I don't know what they're doing with it. I don't want to know, but there are magazines out there, you know, Maids of Milken kind of magazines, you know what I'm saying?
57:19🔗
Michael Cooper
Drew, let me ask you a question about him. Do you think he's actively searching women out like that? Is that-
57:29🔗
Drew
He's attracted to them and that's what attraction is. It's really based on our relationship with our parents or our primary caregivers. We form these sort of sensitive who we are in relation to the people by those early relationships. As you hit puberty, those become associated with attractions and arousal mechanisms that then sort of compel you towards those folks and those people that have been abused or are addicts tend to like and look for people that are going to be caretakers and sort of facilitate or enable their old behaviors.
58:32🔗
Caller
One of them is like really fat. It's like she'll just stare and just sit and just stare.
58:44🔗
Drew
Time for you to ask the questions that you asked last night about mental conditions and all.
58:57🔗
Adam
I see. And when you're, do you ever get confused when your dog looks at you, masturbating, like he wants to know if his master's hurt, if he should go for help? You know what I mean? Don't you find it a little bit distracting?
59:13🔗
Adam
And you ever thought about just closing the door, maybe keeping the cat and the dog out of there?
59:53🔗
Adam
I see. Well, I would suggest getting a mouse in there so you can really complete the animal food chain and watch you masturbate.
1:00:04🔗
Adam
Yeah. I don't know if this would work with a reptile. They don't seem smart enough to enjoy masturbation. A turtle couldn't diddle itself. Imagine being a turtle. You can't get at your own junk your entire life.
1:00:17🔗
Adam
It's like you're living in a trash can and your arms are poking out of each side and you just can't get to your junk. It has to be rough, right?
1:00:41🔗
Michael Cooper
You think he's thinking about that along those lines? I mean if he continues to let them watch.
1:00:45🔗
Drew
No. I think the fact that any living object is fixated on him, he finds empowering, fascinating.
1:01:08🔗
Caller
Well, my question is, last year, I was anorexic for about six months, and I've actually covered now, but I'm still really obsessed with my weight and being overweight. For now, I'm using metabolite, and I'm not sure. What I want to know is if it's going to work or not.
1:01:55🔗
Drew
Well, you're massively... Well, you're in the midst of a relapse, then. Are you going to meetings?
1:02:07🔗
Adam
Well, apparently not. Because you're already light, and you're trying to get lighter, and now you're taking supplements, and you're 16 years old.
1:02:29🔗
Adam
Yeah. Every single person with eating disorder has a domineering mom. Domineering moms give daughters eating disorders and turn sons gay. That's what they do, all you domineering moms out there.
1:02:40🔗
Drew
Intrusive, intrusive. Not just domineering. Women can be assertive and powerful, but when they intrude, when they don't acknowledge or respect the child's separateness.
1:03:05🔗
Deal with the fact that I am gay.
1:03:06🔗
Adam
Well, there you go. All right, Laura, you got to get into some counseling, got to get into some meetings, and you got a bonafide problem here.
1:03:15🔗
Adam
Yeah, please, and listen, let me tell you something about skinny chicks. Guys don't like them, girls like them, and gay designers like them, but men don't like them. Men like a little meat on the ass.
1:03:30🔗
Adam
They absolutely do. This whole thing that women have been talked into about being pencil skinny and having a huge obnoxious jugs which I personally enjoy. Most guys do not like. Most guys like a ass on a woman. They like a little curve on a woman.
1:04:03🔗
Adam
I'm not fat. I ran into Minka. Minka is this, you know the thing that's funny about Minka. Minka is like Korean, but all the porn magazines say she's Japanese because there's nothing to hang your hand on with the Korean culture. You know what I mean? There's just nothing. We don't know enough about it. Japanese works better with all the Geisha and all that good stuff.
1:04:35🔗
Adam
Well, whatever. It works. And she is, really, she may be 110 pounds and has like a 45 triple R knockers on her. And I ran into her at a strip club in Vegas. And it was like a dream come true for me running into one of my idols, Minka. But Minka was mean. And Minka rammed her kneecap into my groin a couple of times. And Minka kept telling me, I am number one Asian big boob queen. You know why men like me? Because I am skinny and I have big bass. That's nice, Minka. Could you pack your shin, your bony shin into my puny groin just a little bit harder next time? You know, I don't need money. I don't care about money. Money not important to me. I want to be on TV. You put me on Man Show.
1:05:27🔗
Adam
You know why? Because I'm number one Asian big boob porn queen. You know why men like me? Let me guess there, Minka. Because you're skinny and I have a big boob. And I don't care about money. I don't care about money.
1:05:48🔗
Adam
I swear to God. I said, Minka, you told me you didn't care about money. You didn't need money 115 times in the hour you sat here. What do you think I put in my gas tank?
1:06:10🔗
Adam
I'm like, okay, all right. Listen, here's $150 and here's another $50. Go put that bony knee in my partner Jimmy's groin. Go over there and do it. You put me on TV show.
1:06:26🔗
Adam
And I said, you know, Minka, I did call you to put you on the man show. I want to do a bit with you. I know my manager tell me. I said, okay, why are you complaining about that? I don't speak good enough English.
1:06:55🔗
Adam
And I don't need money. But the ATM in club, you go get me money. I swear to God. I swear to God she said she didn't need money 150 times. She, I wish I had a tape recorder for the amount of time she said she didn't need money. And then at the end, cha-ching. All right. And she hurt me. I'm going to sue, I'm going to sue Minka. All right. Let's take, no, let's not take another call. Let's plug. Yeah, let's plug and we'll let we'll let Coop be on his way because he was just going to stay for the first hour. Again. Thank you.
1:07:28🔗
Adam
Here is the phone number. If you want to come out and check out this celebrity softball game which is going on this Saturday, it's out in Lancaster at the municipal stadium. And God knows what that means. But I'll tell you, there ain't a ballpark made big enough that can hold my bat. And I don't mean, I don't mean knocking the ball out. I mean physically taking the bat, running out to right field and throwing it over the fence. I either Homer or I trash the dugout. It will be one or the other. And I want everyone to come out this Saturday, 5 o'clock. Game starts about 6, but they're having a big barbecue and all that kind of stuff. You may want to get out there even earlier, because the pregame barbecue starts at Lowe's. Is that the Home Improvement Center? I hope that's down the street. That starts at 3, and then the national anthem is at 6. And I'll be doing my home run trot about 6.07, 6.08.
1:08:31🔗
Adam
That's right. We're going to need plenty of beer there, Coop. I got to tell you that right now.
1:08:45🔗
Adam
The number, if you want to come check all of this out, this Saturday is 661-793-9037. Again, 661-793-9037. Coop, it was very nice meeting you. Thanks for coming out.
1:09:00🔗
Michael Cooper
Adam, thank you for having me. Dr. Drew, it's a pleasure. Next time I'd love to come on the show again, I'll bring my book, everything you wanted to know about sex, but were afraid to ask, I'll bring that with me.
1:09:09🔗
That's your book? Yeah.
1:09:11🔗
Adam
Bring that with you. And seriously, when the season starts up again, or approaches, why don't you come on here, you can bring a gal or two from the team, and we'll give it a plug.
1:10:01🔗
Adam
Hey, Loveline, Adam Corolla over here, Dr. Drew over there, and in that corner, number one Asian big boob queen minka. Hi. I mean, hi. Hi. Yeah. I love it. Yeah. She's Korean and mean. All Koreans are mean, and they put their knee right in your groin. That's what I've learned about Korea. I didn't know much about it before I met Minka, but now I know. Huge cans and put their knee in your groin. That's what I know about Korea.
1:10:44🔗
Adam
Mine 15 mil thick. Now I put extra saline in boob, make me number one Asian big boob queen. You know why people like me? No. Your friend? No. No. Skinny big boob. Well, that's why I got to admit Minka, initially, that's what attracted me to you. Now, of course, we have a relationship that transcends all of that. How old is she? Oh, it's tough with them Asians, especially number one Asian big boob queen. But she got to be 30, she could be 31, 32 or 33. I don't know. She looks fine. The thing that's funny too is when, you know when people tell you stories and they don't really make sense? Yeah. You just kind of nod your head because it's too loud, like at a party or something, and their English is bad. I originally come to this country to be a professional tennis player. But one day my coach tell me, Minka, you got to get into porn. So I get into porn. I'm thinking to myself, how did that work? What do you mean you're a tennis coach? You came to this country to play professional tennis, and I'm sort of on with the tennis thing because it's a weird thing that say, and your coach comes to you and tells you to get into porn. How did that conversation go? You've just went one at Flushing Meadows. We're driving back to the hotel. Amink, I want to talk to you. You could be. You have the potential to be a decent top ten tennis player, but you also have the potential to be the number one Asian big boob queen.
1:12:33🔗
Adam
Do you want to be number one or do you want to hover around the top 20 for a while? You know what I'm saying? I think the decision was an easy one. Ashley?
1:12:41🔗
Yes.
1:12:45🔗
Well, I've been dating the same guy for almost three years. And he's 21. He'll be 22 next month. But he's just like a mama's boy. She does everything for him. He won't even spend the night ever. And we used to hang out all the time, just him and I. And now it's like he pulled away. He wanted to break it off. And then a couple of days later, he wanted to get back and he's just really confused. And he's lost like his grandmother and everything. And he's going through a lot with college. And I'm just like, is it ever going to get, you know, going to change or?
1:13:24🔗
Yeah.
1:13:28🔗
22.
1:13:49🔗
Adam
And he's a mama's boy. I don't trust these mama's boys, by the way. And he won't sleep over, and he talks about being confused and wanting some time out and all that stuff.
1:14:01🔗
Adam
I see. Yeah. I think you may be at the end of this one. I don't think he's that into it.
1:14:12🔗
Caller
No, he's not. He never said, like, I want time off. He just, like, totally was, like, confused with his life, and he's like, that's, you know, it's over. We can be friends. I'm like, we can hang out, he said. And I'm like, no.
1:14:28🔗
Caller
His mom's, like, really controlling. She's like, you have to be home. And, like, if he doesn't come home, she's, like, calling. And plus, he says it's, like, a respect for my father and everything.
1:14:55🔗
Adam
You can kind of understand why a guy, I mean, Drew, have you ever slept over at a girl's house where the dad was around?
1:15:02🔗
Adam
No way. I'd never do that. It's distracting. You're 26. What are you doing still at home?
1:15:11🔗
Adam
You know what's really more affordable? Go to like a youth hostel or a homeless shelter.
1:15:19🔗
Adam
Well, listen, everything's more affordable. Taking the bus is more affordable than owning a car, but there's a certain freedom in owning a car. Do you know what I'm saying?
1:16:12🔗
Drew
Well, you guys are paying the price for making those choices. A lot of things are restricted for you.
1:16:16🔗
Adam
I don't trust this guy, and plus this guy said to you that he wanted to break things off.
1:16:27🔗
Adam
Let me tell you what confused is. Confused is, I want to break up and I don't know how to tell her.
1:16:32🔗
Caller
I know he did go through that. He did go through that three weeks before it. Then when he went through it, he totally broke it off and I told him, you got to find out what you want and then come back to me.
1:16:52🔗
Caller
But I didn't talk to him for like, you know, I didn't talk to him for a week and then he.
1:16:57🔗
Adam
Here's my honest assessment of your situation. Take it from me. I'm the number one Asian big boob queen.
1:17:09🔗
Adam
You sound like you're 18. Yeah. You're living at home. You're dating a guy who's 22. He's living at home. His mom is pulling him around by the scruff of the neck. You're not listening to reality. It's time for you to grow up. I'd say move out of the house, get some independence, get out on your own. If this guy doesn't want to be in the relationship, which I don't think he does, fine. You date a nice 28-year-old guy with his own pad and his own wheels. You see what I'm saying? You've got to be an adult. You're 26. I swear to God, you're going to blink your eyes, you'll be 32 and still living at home. All right. Imagine living with your dad and your brother 26. Drew, how fast would you have killed yourself living at home at 26?
1:17:54🔗
Adam
That's right. Would have killed at 21? Yeah. One of my biggest problems in life, I was like 12 living at home going, this sucks. My parents are nuts. This place is a dump. I got to get the F out of here, except for I'm 12. That's a horrible realization to be like 12 years old and go, I got to get out of this crappy place for these nutty people. You know what I mean?
1:18:21🔗
Adam
That ain't good. No. Especially when you make a 50 cents an hour babysitting the kid next door.
1:18:31🔗
Drew
I was reminded of something you said in one of the colleges we spoke at last year where some kid was complaining about having a long distance relationship. First of all, admonished him for not taking advantage of the experience of college and reminded him that college after all is just a brothel with a clock tower and a football team.
1:18:47🔗
Adam
Oh, really? I forgot about that one. It really is. It's a whore house with a football team.
1:18:57🔗
Yeah.
1:19:03🔗
Caller
Well, when I, like, I haven't had a girlfriend for, like, a while. And now, like, when I'm messing around with her, I, like, can't really, you know, get a boner.
1:19:20🔗
Caller
Well, I'm not sure. Like, once I do, it, like, you have to work really hard to get one.
1:20:05🔗
Drew
Alright, well, something's making... anxiety is... other medication, medical problems, nervousness, anxiety is the most common reason to have difficulty attaining erection. So, something's sort of bugging you about the circumstances, about this relationship. Is this something you're really into?
1:20:28🔗
Adam
Alright, well, it'll come back. I don't know what to say. The problem with the penis is, um... Well, we're talking about playing softball tonight. I'll just draw one of my baseball analogies. Um, when I played baseball in high school, if I got a hit my first time up at play... up at the plate, I was much more likely to get a hit the second time. Uh, much looser, much more confident, and figured, hey, if I ground out, I'm still batting 500. Uh, as opposed to striking out the first time I got up, which I oftentimes did, because I like to start the game off with a good K. Uh, the second time I'm up, I'm trying to tweak things, I'm trying to change things, and I'm thinking, for Christ's sake, don't strike out again. And, uh, sure enough, what do I do?
1:21:16🔗
Adam
Actually, I doubled in the Power Alley. But, uh, yeah. No, no, you're right. You strike out. And why? You're thinking too much. You can't think when you're having sex. You gotta have sex. You just can't. It's like, it's like, if you're swinging a golf club and you're thinking about what you're gonna do all the way through the swing, what are you gonna do? I mean, you just gotta, you just gotta get up, you gotta feel good, feel confident, feel comfortable, and swing away. David?
1:22:02🔗
Adam
Oh, he hung up. You know, he sounded like there was this old actor who used to do a lot of voiceover work. He's a big fat guy, and he'd always be down at the country store and he'd be, baa, ra, ra, he kinda had that in him. And I can't think of the guy's name, and I can only picture his face, but we'll just cut that part of the show.
1:22:26🔗
Adam
What was the actor's name? Remember? Oh, Huel Hauser. Oh, God. Don't make me go off on Huel Hauser.
1:22:41🔗
Adam
Huel Hauser is the guy who goes and interviews the most boring people in the world and the most boring places in the world.
1:22:54🔗
Adam
This mission was established in what year? 1845. That's incredible, sister. You've never seen him out doing that stuff? You've never seen Huel Hauser?
1:23:08🔗
Adam
Here's what I love, Anderson, about working with Drew. What must it be like for a comedian to work with a guy who never knows what the hell he's talking about, whatever reference he's making, that I can make a reference to The Shining and he has no idea what I'm talking about? Do you understand what kind of handicap that is for me?
1:23:30🔗
Adam
Huel Hauser, if you have a TV, you should know who Huel Hauser is. Huel Hauser is a guy, he's not like a household name. It's just every time you turn the TV on and you're flipping around through the channel.
1:23:42🔗
Adam
All right. He's a sort of very friendly, boring Midwestern guy with kind of big arms who's always walking around interviewing people from Southern California. Today he was at a place that made pork rinds and I was laughing my ass off. So the pork goes into the fat over here and how is the pork rinds, how are those transport, how are those transported? A truck.
1:24:25🔗
Adam
And he's amazed by everything all the time, even though you're bored off your ass watching. And he loves to go to tortilla factories. He loves to go to a place where this is, oh, baklava!
1:24:54🔗
Adam
He's like, he's shocked and amazed every time, Gio. Gio, here's the deal. They're these places. They have roofs on them and walls. They have loading docks and they bring in, they bring in raw ingredients and then they cook them and then they ship out a finished product. And sometimes it's baklava and sometimes it's tortilla chips. And the point is, is it's all the same process and no one cares but Gio. And he'll walk around to old, he likes to go to old, striking California gold with Huelhauser. And you have no idea what I'm talking about. Zero.
1:25:45🔗
Adam
Right. So what happens is, you know like when a 60 minutes reporter has to interview the hostage takers.
1:25:55🔗
Adam
Blindfold them, spin around, throw them in the back of a van and they drive in circles around Tel Aviv for a while and then they end up at a place and then once he gets in they take the blindfold off. I think that's the exact same thing with you when you leave your office, except for when you get home you don't take the blindfold off.
1:26:11🔗
Adam
So van picks you up at your office, they blindfold you, they drive around Pasadena in a circle for an hour and 45 minutes. Then they drop you off in your living room. Baklava? Yes, it's a baklava. Baklava! I'm at the Lari Seasoning Salt Plant here in beautiful Eagle Rock, California. What do you ship the taco salt in? A truck.
1:26:44🔗
Adam
How long have you been making this seasoning? Seventeen million years, Huell, since before the earth cooled.
1:26:53🔗
Adam
You've never seen the- oh, all right. Now I'm going insane. I got to bring a tape. Anderson, we got to get a tape of Huell, and it must be on every night. I was watching him at 6 o'clock. I swear to Christ, he was talking about pork rinds.
1:27:10🔗
Adam
In Huell, some of these pork rinds are pickled, and the other ones we deep fry in lard, and that becomes the crunchy confection that you buy at the supermarket.
1:27:30🔗
Adam
He's like when your grandmother looks at something you made in the third grade, he walks around.
1:27:47🔗
Caller
Oh, I see. The pork goes into the fat. Yes, that's right, Huell. And then what? It comes out the other side. Huell, out the other side. Oh, yeah, I see. So this is what went into the fat?
1:29:14🔗
Adam
We have a little technical difficulty tonight. That's all right. All right, Drew, shut that door back there, would you? Thank you very much. Let's hop back on the phones.
1:29:25🔗
I'm here.
1:29:31🔗
Caller
My boyfriend and I have been going out for about four months now. And when we first started going out, he was over here like every night. And now I see him maybe once or twice a week.
1:30:12🔗
Adam
Hey, the guy's 24. He's an ass. Of course. Listen, any of you idiots out there that are 24 and dating a chicken high school or some kind of colossal ass idiots, why are you dating an idiot? That's the question.
1:30:37🔗
Caller
Um, well, we're about, we're going through problems. We might be losing the house and just all sorts of...
1:30:49🔗
Adam
No, I know, but I'm sorry. I have to hang up on you, all right? All right. I'm sorry about your problems, but you can't use the S word on the air. And that is going to be the new policy from now on, kiddies. Use the F word, use the S word, I hang up on you. Sorry to do it. Sorry for your problems, Echo. But listen, you retards, you're on the goddamn radio. Wait a minute, did I swear there?
1:31:13🔗
Drew
More importantly, though, she needs to understand the guy she's with is an idiot, an ass, a criminal by definition.
1:31:19🔗
Adam
And I know you feel bad about yourself. And the problem is, is you're trying to get a bad person to make you not feel bad about yourself and that's a bad idea.
1:31:30🔗
Hi.
1:31:38🔗
Caller
I'm serious. I, like, adapted, like, all your little things that you do. Did you masturbate?
1:32:18🔗
Caller
And like, I stopped taking it for a while, like after the first two or three months, maybe.
1:32:25🔗
Caller
I don't know. I just forgot. I guess I'm forgetting. And then I started up again, like maybe three weeks later.
1:32:33🔗
Caller
And ever since I started taking it up again, like my throat would close and I couldn't breathe and my throat hurt like so bad. My tongue would swell and my eyes would water and I get like so nauseous, right?
1:32:51🔗
Drew
It wouldn't be like all of a sudden. I didn't say suddenly, but spontaneously it wouldn't take any medication to make it better or anything like that.
1:33:01🔗
Drew
All right. Well, you got to talk to your doctor that were prescribing because it could be a very serious allergic reaction. And one of those times your tongue could swell up to the point that you can't breathe, you can get asthma, not breathe. I mean, it can be a mega mess.
1:33:26🔗
No.
1:33:29🔗
Yeah.
1:34:31🔗
Drew
You need to be treated. They can be treated anyway if you're interested. If it's disruptive to your sleep, you're going to have to sleep disturbances.
1:34:48🔗
Drew
Yeah, a little different. They take the same pictures of people tossing around in bed.
1:34:53🔗
Adam
I like that time-lapse stuff. Here's how you sleep on your mattress. We took a 13-hour film of you sleeping. Oh my God. Look at you. You rolled over.
1:35:05🔗
Adam
Yeah, of course. I get up, take a leak, watch some TV, masturbate, shoot up. There will be all sorts of stuff on that. We'll take a break. We'll be back.
1:35:54🔗
Adam
All right, that's it. I want to thank Danielle for doing a great job on the phones and with the water and the coffee, and quite frankly, reminding us that she does a great job each time she comes in here. She is my little guy. I'd like to give her a big hug. And I want to thank Anderson. He had a rough night, he had to patch together some technical equipment and did a wonderful job. And what is that beeping that's going on?
1:36:34🔗
Adam
Alright, again, Saturday you can come out and watch me destroy the dugout. Again, the number 661-793-9037. The celebrity softball game to benefit a very worthy cause. And until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. I'm number one, Oriental Big Boob Queen.
1:36:57🔗
Caller
This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.