Monday, August 7, 2000

2:14🔗 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline, coast to coast.

2:25🔗 Hey, it's Loveline.

2:27🔗 Adam I'm Adam Corolla. That is my good partner over there, Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number, 310-8-5-4-44-55. Dr. Drew is a board-certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Well, here we go again, Drew.

2:43🔗 Drew Yeah, you're a little flat, that weird guy. You all right?

2:45🔗 Adam Am I a little flat?

2:46🔗 Drew Like depressed.

2:47🔗 Adam Am I?

2:48🔗 Yeah.

2:49🔗 Really?

2:51🔗 Adam Is that how that came across?

2:52🔗 Yeah.

2:53🔗 Adam Yeah, I wasn't...

2:54🔗 Drew You weren't thinking, I know.

2:56🔗 Adam I don't know, that seemed pretty normal to me, jackass.

2:59🔗 Okay.

3:01🔗 Adam Well, I'll tell you, I really haven't been sleeping at all lately.

3:04🔗 Drew Yeah, you sound tired.

3:05🔗 Adam Yeah, I'm tired.

3:05🔗 Drew All right.

3:06🔗 Adam I've been out in the sun working and then...

3:08🔗 Drew Okay. Don't be very embarrassed. I get tired plenty of times.

3:13🔗 All right.

3:14🔗 Adam You see, I didn't think that was flat.

3:17🔗 Drew Usually it's, hey, it's Loveline.

3:20🔗 Adam Do you have that Anderson? Can we hear that again? Is that somewhere?

3:25🔗 Drew Forget it.

3:25🔗 Adam No, it's important to me now. Are we able to capture that on tape and replay that in some way? Anderson went over to computer. All right, let's listen to that opening again and see if it sounded flat.

3:41🔗 Drew Here we go. Really? It's great radio, huh? I'm glad you're getting satisfied and gratified by this. Everyone else in the country is bored to tears.

3:48🔗 Adam Well, you brought it up.

3:49🔗 Drew Hey.

3:50🔗 Adam All right, here it is.

3:51🔗 Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

3:53🔗 Drew Start over.

3:54🔗 Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

3:58🔗 Drew Do you have to take us all the way back?

4:00🔗 Adam I want you to shut up.

4:02🔗 It'll be all jack if I don't now.

4:05🔗 Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline.

4:08🔗 He even laughed.

4:10🔗 Drew He did?

4:10🔗 Hey, it's Loveline.

4:12🔗 Adam I'm Adam Corolla. That is my good partner over there, Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191-FACTS-

4:17🔗 That's not your usual verb.

4:19🔗 Adam 1-8-5-4-44-55. Dr. Drew's a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist.

4:27🔗 Drew See, maybe people aren't as used to hearing your meter as I am. Can't you guys hear that?

4:32🔗 Adam That sounded right to me.

4:32🔗 Drew It was fine.

4:33🔗 You pulled it off.

4:34🔗 Adam I pulled it off.

4:35🔗 I think you're just extra bouncy tonight.

4:37🔗 Drew Thank you, Your Highness.

4:38🔗 Adam What's up with you?

4:39🔗 Drew I'm extra bouncy, according to Anderson.

4:41🔗 Adam Did you take a nap? Well, yeah. You came in here like I heard a turtle last night.

4:46🔗 Drew I can't remember last night.

4:47🔗 Adam Yeah, I know. You were a mess.

4:49🔗 Drew Yeah, I've been sick all week.

4:50🔗 Adam Well, don't start lashing out. I'm doing my job, bucko. Josh.

4:55🔗 Yeah.

4:55🔗 Adam Hey, Josh, sick scene with Loveline.

4:58🔗 How's it going?

4:58🔗 Adam Good.

4:59🔗 Cool. So.

5:02🔗 Adam So we meet again.

5:04🔗 Yes.

5:05🔗 Adam What's going on in the background there, Josh?

5:08🔗 TV.

5:09🔗 Adam Hey, could you go ahead and turn that down, ass wipe?

5:13🔗 No.

5:13🔗 Adam Okay. Then let's talk to Alex. Alex? Yes. You're 13. What's up?

5:20🔗 Caller All right. Well, ever since I was eight or nine, I've known that I was gay and I grew up in a very Christian Catholic neighborhood and family. And I'm way, way too afraid to tell my parents or any of my friends because they kick me out and tell me I go to hell.

5:38🔗 Drew Why are you then why are you even thinking about telling your parents then?

5:42🔗 Caller I don't know.

5:43🔗 Drew Why even bother? If you know that's what they're going to do to you, why would you put yourself through that misery?

5:48🔗 Caller It's almost tearing me out because I have to tell someone.

5:51🔗 Drew Well you don't have to tell your parents.

5:54🔗 Adam You.

5:54🔗 Caller Yeah.

5:55🔗 Caller Why?

5:57🔗 Caller I just don't know.

5:58🔗 Adam No, listen, you're supposed to be ashamed. Well listen, now Alex, first off, you're not supposed to share your sexuality, whatever it is, with your parents. You're just not supposed to. You should be uncomfortable doing that. All kids should.

6:14🔗 Caller Yeah.

6:14🔗 Adam If you nailed yourself the head of the cheerleading team the night before, you shouldn't want to share that with your parents.

6:20🔗 Drew Certainly the first call is not to dad.

6:22🔗 Caller Yeah.

6:22🔗 Adam And if you corn hold your gym coach, you shouldn't want to share that with your dad. You understand?

6:28🔗 Drew You're back.

6:29🔗 Adam Thank you.

6:29🔗 Drew Adam, yeah, you're on.

6:30🔗 Adam Thanks. So why is this an obsession of yours?

6:35🔗 Caller Oh, it's just like, it's tearing me up inside. I'm so depressed because I can't tell anyone.

6:38🔗 Adam Yeah, but maybe you're just depressed because you're depressed. Is it really that everyone needs to know you're gay?

6:46🔗 Caller Well, I don't know. I just, I'd like to tell someone.

6:49🔗 Drew Well, why don't you go to a gay and lesbian youth center and get a support group and tell a bunch of people in an environment where it's designed to support you?

6:56🔗 Caller Yeah, this is a very, very small town.

6:59🔗 Drew Where? Aaron?

7:01🔗 Caller Wisconsin.

7:02🔗 Adam All right. Well, you got to tell your parents, then.

7:04🔗 Drew No, you can...

7:06🔗 Adam Get one of those singing telegrams. Your son is gay. That'd be great.

7:11🔗 Yeah.

7:12🔗 Adam Hey, Alex.

7:13🔗 Yeah.

7:14🔗 Adam Why don't you just give this a couple of years? You're 13. Hey, here's my point. And here's what we don't understand. And Drew doesn't understand it. And frankly, we're both a little suspicious. You know your parents. You know your dad's going to blow his stack when he finds out. He may take a swing at you. He may tell you to, he may throw you out. He may do many things, none of which are good.

7:39🔗 Drew He's an awful guy.

7:40🔗 Adam Then why do you need to tell him?

7:41🔗 Drew Right.

7:42🔗 Adam Why would you tell him?

7:43🔗 Drew It's like, see, if I go in that Bobcat cage, I'm going to get my face scratched off. I've got to go in there. You know what I'm saying?

7:50🔗 Adam Not as good as one of my analogies.

7:51🔗 Drew No, of course not.

7:52🔗 Adam Of course not. Well, look at it this way. Here's the way I look at living at home. It's like you're in prison. And let's just say you're doing an eight year sentence and that started when you were ten years old. Now, are you going to go up an F with the warden six months into it? I mean, if you're going to tell him off, tell him on your way out. Yeah. Don't tell him when you got another four years to go in your sentence. I mean, this guy's 13. He's got five more years. He's not going anywhere for five, six. And if he's one of our callers, maybe 15 more years.

8:24🔗 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

8:25🔗 Adam Why piss his dad off at this point?

8:28🔗 Drew For sure he needs someone he can tell. And I understand certainly, let's be a little bit empathic of what's going on with him. He's in a small town. He feels like if he tells anybody, it's going to spread throughout the town and then he's going to be ostracized and it's going to be awful and his parents will find out.

8:42🔗 Adam Good. Bury it deep inside.

8:43🔗 Drew So it's understandable that he would be sort of, it's like having an itch that you need to scratch.

8:49🔗 Adam Get a best friend and confide in him.

8:50🔗 Drew Somebody. Maybe somebody would knock in this town. Or maybe somebody on the web even. Just get some support through the web.

8:55🔗 Adam Right. Get some nice old gay guy to come over and court you.

8:58🔗 Drew There are support groups out there.

8:59🔗 Adam Pull up in the Miata with the scarf blowing in the background, wearing those big Charles Nelson Riley glasses, smoking the cigarette with the extension on it.

9:07🔗 Drew Can we get high?

9:12🔗 Adam Put that on a card, Anderson. Thank you very much. Yeah, that is. You know a guy is gay when you're hitchhiking, and a guy picks you up and he says, you want to get high? That means he's gay. Or if he just picks you up, that means he's gay. I found that out firsthand, Giddies.

9:26🔗 Caller Jim?

9:27🔗 Hi.

9:28🔗 Adam Hi.

9:29🔗 Hi. How are you doing, Adam?

9:30🔗 Adam Good. You're 17. What's up?

9:33🔗 Caller My girlfriend, she's black, and my parents are racist or blacks. But that's not really the problem. The problem is that a couple of days ago, I was going through their stuff, and I found this video. And when I played it in the video, my parents were performing oral on two black guys. And so was my dad. And I don't know how to tell my girlfriend this.

9:53🔗 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy parental behavior.

9:57🔗 Drew Where did you find this video?

9:58🔗 Caller In one of their drawers, like under a bunch of stuff. I knew it was meant to be hidden but not a good job.

10:04🔗 Adam How was it marked?

10:06🔗 Caller What was it marked? Just blank. They tore off the tag of the old video. It was just a blank video. I thought it was a porn at first but...

10:13🔗 Adam Well in a way, to everyone but you, it was a porn. So in this video, your father and your mother were performing oral sex on two black guys. Two black guys?

10:27🔗 Caller Yes.

10:27🔗 Adam Which is like three penises. Say it again, Jim.

10:33🔗 Caller The video wasn't taken at home. It was like probably in a motel or something. I know it wasn't at home.

10:38🔗 Adam You didn't recognize the crappy rust-colored furniture that you guys have?

10:43🔗 Caller So it was like planned or something.

10:46🔗 Adam Your parents are racist, you say?

10:47🔗 Caller Yeah, toward the blacks and I don't know what the hell is this business.

10:52🔗 Adam You have a black girlfriend?

10:53🔗 Caller Yes, and I don't know how to tell her it is.

10:55🔗 Drew Why would you tell her?

10:56🔗 Caller I don't know because it's like...

10:58🔗 Adam Hold on a second.

11:00🔗 Drew Totally bogus.

11:01🔗 Adam Really?

11:02🔗 Drew Yeah.

11:03🔗 Adam I know but I know it's bizarre but...

11:07🔗 Drew But he hasn't slipped. He hasn't slipped up yet so we got to go with this.

11:11🔗 Adam He did sort of hash out his story there.

11:12🔗 Drew Yeah, he's got his story right so we got to go with it.

11:15🔗 Adam Now, I understand the part about the racist parents whose kid dates the black girl. It's usually the racist parents of a girl who dates the black guy because they're slightly more rebellious. The racist parents of a guy just turns into a racist. I mean, that's how they keep going, yeah. I mean, think about it, otherwise, they would have died off. But the chicks, they date black guys. But he's dating a black girl and I can sort of buy that. I mean, we do hear about that all the time. Your parents are racist, you screw with them. And there's a sort of intriguing element here, Drew, of somebody who's racist and, you know, it's sort of like the priest who's up there talking about the fire and brimstone.

12:02🔗 Drew Abstinence.

12:02🔗 Adam And is up there banging one of the altar boys.

12:05🔗 Drew Right, right.

12:06🔗 Adam And I'm a strong believer in that component in human beings. When people protest too much, look out.

12:11🔗 Drew And that is the premise of his sort of setup here.

12:14🔗 Adam Right.

12:14🔗 Drew Now, what I don't like is no question.

12:18🔗 Adam Right.

12:18🔗 Drew The question's bogus.

12:19🔗 Adam Should I tell my girlfriend? Yeah, that's not a question. All right, hold on. Jim?

12:24🔗 Caller Adam?

12:25🔗 Adam Yeah.

12:25🔗 Caller All right, I have another question. When's your next taping, like for the one on MTV?

12:31🔗 Adam Oh, okay.

12:32🔗 Caller Can you answer that?

12:33🔗 Adam I have no idea. I wish you could answer that. I'll tell you the truth.

12:37🔗 Drew If this were important to him, that would not be an issue.

12:39🔗 Adam No, no, that ain't it.

12:41🔗 Drew And by the way, he was starting to blurt something else out.

12:43🔗 Adam Oh, it was? All right. Carlos? Carlos?

12:48🔗 Caller Oh, wait, wait.

12:53🔗 Adam You on the toilet, Carlos?

12:55🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm all right. I feel asleep, you know.

12:57🔗 Adam Really?

12:58🔗 Caller Yeah.

12:59🔗 Adam All right.

12:59🔗 Caller This is my... This is an issue. Actually, I... My mom was born with psychic powers, you know? And I have psychic powers too. I can turn off light bulbs. That's all I can do. What should I do with them?

13:14🔗 Adam What you do with your psychic powers?

13:16🔗 Caller Yeah.

13:17🔗 Drew Only good.

13:19🔗 Adam Yeah. Don't use it for evil, huh?

13:22🔗 Caller You know, any telephone number I can call, whatever, because...

13:25🔗 Adam Well, no. People call you. That's the way it works. Why don't you use your psychic power to figure out that number?

13:34🔗 Caller I can't, you know, you can't...

13:35🔗 Drew Why don't the psychic powers know that we were about to...

13:37🔗 Adam Just for appliances and stuff?

13:39🔗 Caller Huh?

13:40🔗 Adam Carlos, your mom has psychic power too?

13:43🔗 Caller Yeah.

13:44🔗 Adam So it's passed down?

13:45🔗 Drew And what does she do with this?

13:46🔗 Caller She songs, she's Christian, but she doesn't, you know...

13:50🔗 Drew She what?

13:50🔗 Caller She doesn't believe in that anymore.

13:52🔗 Adam In the psychic power thing?

13:54🔗 Drew Yeah.

13:54🔗 Adam And what makes you believe you have psychic power?

14:00🔗 Caller A lot of stuff, you know, once, you know, I walk a lightbulb, you know, one of those lightbulbs, they're in the street, they always turns off, you know.

14:07🔗 Adam Always?

14:08🔗 Caller Yeah, they're always.

14:09🔗 Adam Always?

14:10🔗 Caller Yeah.

14:10🔗 Drew Every time you walk by a streetlight, every time.

14:13🔗 Caller Yeah, it's happening right now too.

14:15🔗 Adam Right now?

14:16🔗 Drew Right now. How about the light in this room here? Maybe we can make that.

14:18🔗 Adam Can you shut the light off in the studio?

14:20🔗 Caller No, I can't.

14:22🔗 Adam Can you shut Drew's wife up?

14:24🔗 Caller No, it's just that automatically I have no control of it, and it's kind of, it's kind of, I don't know, I have no control over it, you know.

14:32🔗 Adam All right.

14:32🔗 Drew So, do you ever hear any voices?

14:34🔗 Caller Huh?

14:35🔗 Drew Do you ever hear any voices that aren't there? You just hear, think somebody's talking to you?

14:38🔗 Caller You're insane. No.

14:39🔗 Drew And ever see anything that isn't there?

14:41🔗 Caller No.

14:41🔗 Drew You ever do any speed?

14:43🔗 Caller No.

14:43🔗 Adam All right.

14:44🔗 Caller Where do you work?

14:46🔗 Caller Um, I haven't got a job right now, but.

14:49🔗 Adam Oh, all right.

14:50🔗 Drew Why don't you have a job?

14:52🔗 Caller Well, I don't. Um, I was just kind of like kicking it out, you know, but.

14:57🔗 Adam I see. All right. Listen, Carlos, forget about your psychic powers and get a job, all right?

15:02🔗 Caller All right. All right.

15:03🔗 Adam There you go.

15:04🔗 Drew Except the problem is that's a delusion, and he probably has some real psychiatric stuff going on. That's why he's not working.

15:09🔗 Adam Well, his mom is a crackpot and thinks that. Listen, all you screwballs out there who communicate with the dead and have psychic powers and believe in astrology and numerology and biorythms and all that nonsense, utter nonsense, these idiots. It's always the same crap. Oh, I can talk to the dead. Yeah, listen, Drew, anyone pass away in your life? Who? Grandfather? What was his name?

15:40🔗 Drew David.

15:41🔗 Adam Was it David? Okay. Oh, I'm talking to David.

15:45🔗 Drew You're supposed to tell me.

15:46🔗 Adam I'm talking to David, yes.

15:47🔗 Drew Who is it? Someone around him here that begins at the letter D.

15:50🔗 Adam Yeah, has a vowel in his name. Yes. Oh, David, that's right. Jewish guy, right? David, yeah. David, oh, first off, he tells me he loves you very much.

16:03🔗 Drew He never knew me, but it's OK.

16:04🔗 Adam You're crying now. Yes, and that he's very proud of you and that he looks over you and he sees the work that you do and he's smiling when he says this. And he says he misses you and he misses the times. Something with a field, a grass lawn, perhaps. Did you guys ever go on a lawn?

16:24🔗 Drew That's where he was buried.

16:25🔗 Adam He was buried at the cemetery. That's it, yes.

16:28🔗 Drew Only place I ever knew him.

16:29🔗 Adam Lot of lawns. Oh, you never met him.

16:30🔗 Drew No.

16:30🔗 Adam Yes, but he knows you. And he's very proud and he loves you very much and you're smiling. Okay? Got $400, please. Kenny, what the hell is his name? The psychic of the stars, Kenny.

16:43🔗 Drew Kenny Kingston.

16:43🔗 Adam Kenny Kingston. Kenny Kingston was on this show talking about the sweet spirit. Ironic that he would phrase the sweet spirit that way. But Kenny was on the show and Kenny found out my house was like 75 years old and offered to come over to the house and perform an exorcism.

17:02🔗 Drew Didn't Bela Lugosi live there or something, is that what you said?

17:05🔗 Adam Bela Lugosi lived in every house over 200 grand that's in Southern California. He wanted like 300 bucks to come over that he was going to donate it to charity. I said, Kenny, if you came over to my house, the only spirit that I'd want out of my house will be you.

17:24🔗 Hi, this is Psychic, Kenny Kingston, and you're listening to Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

17:32🔗 Adam There you go. Take it all the way to the bank. Uh-oh, sorry. Johnny?

17:37🔗 Hi there.

17:37🔗 Adam You're 27?

17:38🔗 Caller That's right.

17:39🔗 Adam What's up?

17:41🔗 Caller Congratulations, I'm finally getting a building permit for your garage.

17:44🔗 Adam Oh, no.

17:44🔗 Drew Different garage.

17:45🔗 Adam Different garage.

17:46🔗 Caller Oh, I'm sorry.

17:47🔗 Adam I could never pull the permit for the one above my house. Thank you.

17:52🔗 Caller You've been bitching about that for some time.

17:54🔗 Adam Never could get a permit.

17:56🔗 Drew Johnny's calling for my space shuttle or something. Listen to that.

17:58🔗 Caller Jimmy Kimmel's name was on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.

18:01🔗 Adam Whatever. Tonight?

18:02🔗 Drew Really?

18:03🔗 Caller Sunday night.

18:03🔗 Adam Oh, really? Was it a rerun?

18:06🔗 Caller I don't know. I don't watch it enough. Well, the question was what noted sidekicks left his host? Of course, the answer was Conan Sidekick, whoever that was, Andy Richter.

18:17🔗 Adam Oh, and he was one of the possibilities.

18:19🔗 Caller Yeah. Answer C was Jimmy Kimmel.

18:20🔗 Adam Wow. Well, I'm not going to tell him. He's already inflated enough. So what's up there, Johnny?

18:25🔗 Caller Hey, what causes a person to harbor a fetish, such as anal sex?

18:31🔗 Drew Well, we think, on females, it's pretty complicated, and we think it has something to do with a need for sort of degradation and power and a way of experiencing yourself in the erotic sense only when you're in that kind of position relative to another person.

18:50🔗 Adam Yeah, but we're not talking about fetishes in general. You're talking about specifically the anal sex one.

18:56🔗 Drew Fetishes in general are ways of avoiding overwhelming feelings attached to being really, really close to somebody.

19:02🔗 Adam So it's like, instead of actually have an intimate moment with someone, I'll just sort of act out my sexual agenda on them.

19:11🔗 Caller Yeah, I've heard a lot of your opinions over the years, and I'm sure I'm not the first one to ask this question dealing with fetishes, but the answers never seem to apply to the situation as I feel it. I don't feel I need power, I don't feel that.

19:22🔗 Drew Actually, anal sex is the one that confuses us, frankly.

19:25🔗 Adam Not me.

19:26🔗 Drew No, to me, that's the best way we can come up with. I'm asking that one all the time, because I hear about it when I go to colleges and stuff, a lot of preoccupation with it, and it generally seems...

19:36🔗 Adam All right, let me explain anal sex in guys, and generally why guys are attracted to this, although when guys are obsessed with it, that may be a different story. Guys like to sort of push the envelope in every facet of life, and sexually, this is busting the envelope in half with your penis, is basically what it's doing. I mean, this is pushing the envelope. This is doing something more than most people do, and sometimes, and your partner wants to do. And there's... I mean, you got to look at it this way. When you're 15 or 16, it's like, if you could get a chick to give you some oral sex or something, it was a coup. I mean, it was a huge deal, right? That's right. And then you're like 20 and you had a girlfriend, and it's, you know, there's nothing else to push. But now, here's your next challenge.

20:26🔗 Drew But really...

20:27🔗 Adam There is that aspect of it, but part of it, too, is a sort of a dirty, nasty degradation.

20:33🔗 Drew But part of it can also be, theoretically, sort of a fixation that develops along the developmental scale. In other words, are you super fastidiously clean?

20:43🔗 Caller No, not necessarily.

20:44🔗 Drew Are you super dirty?

20:45🔗 Caller No, I feel super normal.

20:48🔗 Drew You don't...

20:49🔗 Adam All right, well, how...

20:50🔗 Drew I get that facidious vibe from him.

20:52🔗 Adam How obsessed are you on the anus?

20:54🔗 Caller Not very. It's just that...

20:56🔗 Adam Oh, well, then why are we talking?

20:59🔗 Drew Then it's not a fetish. Fetish means you can't function sexually without it.

21:02🔗 Caller No, it's not that deep, but it's not to where I just... I feel like having it every now and then. I do desire it more often than not. It's just that it's not the only way.

21:10🔗 Adam Right. All right. But it's still not a pure fetish.

21:13🔗 Drew It's not a fetish, then.

21:14🔗 Caller I guess it's not the true definition, no, but I think it's going that direction. Can it get worse that way?

21:20🔗 Drew Yeah, fetishes can.

21:21🔗 Adam Yeah.

21:22🔗 Caller They do develop, then?

21:23🔗 Adam Yeah. You may be going down that Hershey Highway, as they say.

21:30🔗 Drew How do you feel it affects you? What do you think it is? What's your experience with it?

21:35🔗 Caller I've not sat down and thought too much about it. More and more lately, I've been in the same relationship now for six, maybe going on seven years. I see it coming into play more and more.

21:46🔗 Drew You've told us what it isn't. What is it? If you know clearly what it is not, maybe you have some sense of what it is.

21:54🔗 Caller No, I don't follow.

21:55🔗 Drew You said it's not degradation, it's not aggression, it's not this, it's not that, but I have no idea what it is.

22:00🔗 Adam Maybe he's been in a relationship for seven years since he was 20 and he's trying to stretch out a little. Here's the next thing that people do, which is I don't want to lose this relationship, but I want to experiment sexually. No, not bring someone else in, I'm going to experiment with the same person.

22:17🔗 Caller Right.

22:18🔗 Drew Well, I'm having anal sex with my boyfriend, and he wants to go all the way with me.

22:24🔗 Adam True, the mic was on. What do you think? You thought we went to commercial there? Jenna?

22:29🔗 Caller Hi.

22:30🔗 Adam You're 23, what's up?

22:31🔗 Caller Hi Adam, hi Dr. Drew. Hi. I want to have a question for Dr. Drew. I want to know how could he tell that you've had a miscarriage?

22:39🔗 Adam Your head of a child comes flying out of your vagina into the toilet.

22:44🔗 Caller Okay, but how?

22:45🔗 Drew Sweet.

22:46🔗 Caller I mean, because I think I'm on...

22:48🔗 Drew Anderson laughed. I want you to make note of this.

22:50🔗 Adam Biggest laugh Anderson's had all month, by the way.

22:52🔗 Drew All month?

22:54🔗 I'm sorry, Jenna.

22:55🔗 Adam He was stone-faced when I went on my brilliant jag about space camp.

22:59🔗 Drew Let's go to break. Talk about space camp. Jenna will be back in just a second, okay?

23:03🔗 Adam Oh, you don't want to talk a little more about space camp? Aren't you interested in space camping? All right. We'll take a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Jenna and find out how you know when you've had an abortion.

23:14🔗 Caller You know what I'm saying, I'm there.

23:16🔗 Caller Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.

23:51🔗 Adam Who does that riff, Anderson?

23:54🔗 Caller Offspring.

23:55🔗 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. I shouldn't have been surprised because they always have good riffs. Hey, I'm Adam Corolla's doctor over there, and let's get back to Jenna. She wants to know if she had a miscarriage.

24:05🔗 Caller Yeah.

24:06🔗 Drew Well, Jenna, you can't know for sure unless you had a pregnancy test and it was positive, and then after passing some tissue, later having a pregnancy test that's negative.

24:16🔗 Caller Okay, because I just had a discharge and it was very, very strange, and my bleeding has been weird also, and I had small cramps.

24:24🔗 Drew Well, it's possible it's what it was, and certainly you should get it checked out, because if you think there's a possibility of pregnancy, it could be a tubal pregnancy, could be a partial miscarriage, and need some stuff left behind that needs to be scraped out so it doesn't get infected.

24:36🔗 Adam Are you trying to get pregnant?

24:38🔗 Caller No, not at all. I actually got on the pill three weeks ago, so I was thinking that maybe it had an effect on it. It was a miscarriage because it was just very strange.

24:48🔗 Drew But you've been on the pill for three weeks.

24:50🔗 Caller Yeah.

24:51🔗 Drew And now you have some bleeding.

24:53🔗 Caller Yeah, but it was, it's not.

24:54🔗 Drew Yeah, but you're going to get strange bleeding on the pill.

24:56🔗 Caller Really? Because it was clumpy and...

24:59🔗 Drew You're going to get different bleeding on the pill, mid-cycle, miss periods. Until you figure out what pill works for you, it's going to be a little different.

25:05🔗 Caller Okay.

25:06🔗 Drew But if there's any question because you can get pregnant the first cycle on the pill, you should talk to a doctor about it and get checked out to be sure.

25:13🔗 Adam Drew, can they put a sample of that through something?

25:16🔗 Drew Oh, yes.

25:17🔗 Adam So if you're having discharge and it's not discharge, it's an abortion.

25:25🔗 Drew Tissue.

25:25🔗 Adam I mean, it's spontaneous abortion and it's tissue. Will it just keep coming out or will it just do it in one shot?

25:35🔗 Drew It can do either way.

25:37🔗 Adam If it does, could you save a little of it and have someone put it under a microscope?

25:42🔗 Drew The doctor has to collect that really.

25:44🔗 Adam What about those stool samples you bring in?

25:47🔗 Drew No, there's no fetus sample. A little litmus test for fetus.

25:51🔗 Adam They give you a little cup and a little spoon with a snap lit on it. Do they send that stuff in or do they have to walk it in? You don't have to send cramp in the mail.

26:01🔗 Drew You should walk that in.

26:02🔗 Adam You should? You ever ask for a stool sample? How does that work? You give them a cup?

26:08🔗 Drew A little sort of basin that fits over the code.

26:14🔗 Adam NASA would have to figure that one out. How does it work? Then they put it in a little cup, and then they give it to you, and then you smell it and say, fine bouquet. It's assertive without being pushy.

26:33🔗 Drew It's like French connection where they- Right.

26:36🔗 Adam Oh, yeah, that's right. You put your pinky in it. No, actually, you take your stiletto, and you put it right in it, and you lick it, and you go, that's pure stool-grade smack. And then you give a street value. All right, but they have to go home to produce that?

26:51🔗 Drew No.

26:51🔗 Adam Because I could get something going right in the office.

26:54🔗 Drew No doubt.

26:55🔗 Adam Absolutely no problem. I think I could crap at almost any time. I am so regular. Drew is so jealous of my ass because I take three or four good bowel movements a day.

27:05🔗 Drew Three or four? That's sick.

27:07🔗 Adam On my hand to God.

27:11🔗 Drew I'm not jealous. I'm horrified.

27:13🔗 Well, how do you get it?

27:14🔗 Drew You masturbate three times a day? You bowel movement three times a day?

27:17🔗 Adam Constant movement.

27:18🔗 Drew There's just stuff flying out of you.

27:20🔗 Adam Fluid is just flying out. That's right.

27:22🔗 Drew How do you get anything done? I wonder if nobody have to obsess about framing for three days before you do it. You have to save up.

27:27🔗 Adam Listen, I have myself two or three good bowel movements a day.

27:31🔗 Drew You have yourself, yes.

27:32🔗 Adam A day and you are jealous of that because you have three a week.

27:36🔗 Drew Yeah, I would have time to have three a day.

27:38🔗 Adam You have three a week and you are so jealous of my rectum. Sarah?

27:44🔗 Hello?

27:45🔗 Adam You're 14.

27:46🔗 Caller Yeah. My boyfriend, he went to this one camp and before he went, he was totally non-religious. He went, his mom sent him and he got brainwashed or something. Now he said, oh, we can't have any more intimacy and he wants to be a man of God.

28:01🔗 Adam All right. Why did his mom send him? Because he was a troublemaker?

28:04🔗 Caller I don't know. No, he really wasn't a troublemaker though, but I'm not exactly sure why his mom sent him. But his mom would not tell him what it was.

28:12🔗 Drew Well, he obviously responded to it. He liked it.

28:15🔗 Caller Yeah, but he said he was really mad when he got there, and then they did all these things and like.

28:22🔗 Adam Well, how old is he?

28:23🔗 Caller He's 14.

28:24🔗 Drew Is he continuing to go to some sort of religious center?

28:28🔗 Caller Yeah, he like changed churches to where all his friends went to, like all his friends that were there. He like changed churches and stuff.

28:34🔗 Drew To that church?

28:35🔗 Caller Huh?

28:35🔗 Drew Changed to where his friends were that were at the camp.

28:38🔗 Adam And what about, and why is this a problem for you?

28:41🔗 Caller Well, like he's like, oh, we can't be intimate anymore, and not that like that's like a full relationship, but it's just like you have to have some sometimes.

28:49🔗 Adam Were you having sex then before?

28:51🔗 Caller No, but we were going to.

28:53🔗 Drew Where's his dad?

28:54🔗 Adam All right, but hold on.

28:55🔗 Caller Where's his dad?

28:56🔗 Drew Yeah.

28:56🔗 Caller His dad is like with him. They have like a family. They're not like.

29:00🔗 Adam All right. But listen, Sarah's great. Sarah's like, and then he came back and he said, sorry, we can't do that anymore. And I don't need it every day, but I need some. And it's like, okay, if you guys had sex, well, no, but we're going to. But how can he stop doing something he never did?

29:18🔗 Caller Like you couldn't do anything. Like all you can do is hold hands now.

29:21🔗 Drew All right.

29:22🔗 Adam I bet if you offered to give him a BJ, he would turn to Satan immediately.

29:28🔗 Drew That's right, sir. Does his parents like you?

29:32🔗 Caller They seem to.

29:33🔗 Drew And they know you guys are dating.

29:34🔗 Caller Yeah.

29:35🔗 Drew Okay.

29:35🔗 Adam All right. Well, listen, I'm sure this is just a phase. He's probably just trying to get into heaven. What?

29:41🔗 Caller He's really serious about it, though.

29:42🔗 Adam All right. Well, then break up with him. And what are we supposed to do?

29:46🔗 Caller It's like, is there any like, because I like I was going on the internet, I found some things about like brainwashing and stuff. And they said, I was going to do it like everywhere off.

29:54🔗 Adam Because like, listen, all religious, all religion is a subtle form of brainwashing, some just more than others. I mean, if you're talking about, you know, born again or Jehovah's Witness or Hare Christians or something, you're talking about full-fledged brainwashing. And then the Jews are just sort of mildly brainwash. And there's this sort of day to day Christians and Catholics that are just only sort of brainwash. But all religion is a form of BS brainwashing. I mean, really, break it down, kiddies. And the ones who live by it every day and the ones that are scared they're going, you know, the literalist, the people that think that the streets are paved with gold and heaven or you'll be going down into a fire and brimstone for hell, those people are more brainwash. But they're dumber. And the dumber you are, the easier it is to brainwash you. There's not so much brain to wash. It's like a mini car as opposed to a van. You see what I'm saying? When it comes to washing? You don't got a car wash, they want more for vans. Because they're bigger. You pull in there in a moped, don't take too long. The mopeds are the ones who go born again, Jehovah's, Hare Krishna and all that.

31:00🔗 Drew I don't think he's been brainwashed. He has been at a camp and he has a new orientation. And you have to respect that. And these things do tend to decay, especially at his age.

31:09🔗 Adam He's one BJ away from embracing Santeria. That's what I'd do. If I was 15, BJ, what, you want me to kill a chicken? Great. I'll be back in a minute. Mike?

31:23🔗 Yeah?

31:24🔗 Adam You're 15?

31:25🔗 Caller Yeah, what's up?

31:26🔗 Adam What's up?

31:28🔗 Yeah, first of all, can I give a shout out to somebody?

31:30🔗 Caller All right.

31:31🔗 Caller My friend Kev.

31:33🔗 Adam There you go. No. All right. No, no. Oh, he did.

31:37🔗 Drew First name and last name, it's sort of over at that point.

31:40🔗 Adam I was giving a shout out to his friend.

31:42🔗 Caller Yeah. Okay.

31:44🔗 Drew It just means listen to me. Now, nobody would call an intimate question and identify themselves that clearly. You know what I'm saying?

31:52🔗 Adam Well, that may be a good point. Go ahead, Mike. You have sores on your scrotum?

31:57🔗 Caller Yeah.

31:57🔗 Caller They look like pimples, man.

32:00🔗 Drew Are they painful?

32:01🔗 Caller Yeah.

32:02🔗 Drew Does pus come out of them?

32:03🔗 Caller Yeah.

32:04🔗 Drew You have more than one? Yeah.

32:06🔗 Caller There's two of them. It's like on my left.

32:08🔗 Drew All right. You can get little carbuncles down there.

32:10🔗 Adam Two of them?

32:11🔗 Drew They can be reset by themselves.

32:12🔗 Adam Listen, let me tell you something as a guy. Drew, I know you're not going to admit to this, but all guys do is you got to comb through your nads every once in a while. You get little black heads on there, little white heads or whatever. That's one of the simpler joys of life is sitting on the pot and kneading your nads. You know what I mean? Just sort of combing over them.

32:32🔗 Drew Kneading them in a sort of spiritual sense?

32:34🔗 Adam No. I mean kneading them like dough.

32:36🔗 Drew With a K.

32:37🔗 Adam Yeah. Is that how it's spelled? I believe that reading poisons the mind. So spelling can't be far from that. But the point is, is you comb through your nuts. I don't know. I don't do it as much as I used to. A couple of times a year when I'm on the pot and I got some time to myself and you check them out, you see a little white head or something on there, you go at it.

32:58🔗 Drew Anderson's high. He's laughing at everything you're saying tonight.

33:02🔗 Adam Anderson.

33:02🔗 Caller I am not laughing. I'm making a total grimace. It's disgusting.

33:06🔗 Drew He's reacting. I've never seen him react to anything you say.

33:08🔗 Adam He must have had a cup of coffee or something. Hey Anderson, what did you do? Get a raise or something?

33:13🔗 Caller That'll be the day.

33:13🔗 Adam Someone gave Anderson another 20 bucks a week to pay attention, I think.

33:16🔗 Caller If it's up to you, I'm out of here, I think.

33:18🔗 Adam Don't? Really? What do you mean? Where are you going? If it was up to me?

33:22🔗 Caller Oh yeah, I'm going.

33:24🔗 Adam It's up to you. Now listen, it's the devil you know. That's basically my motto in life. I don't like you but I know you.

33:32🔗 Caller He loves you, Anderson.

33:32🔗 Drew What are you talking about? Are you kidding?

33:34🔗 Adam You can't articulate yourself any better than that. Anderson, that son of a bitch. Listen Anderson, don't you look at your nuts once in a while and pop a white head or something that's on there. They're not white heads but they're little like balls, whatever clogged pores or something. They're little.

33:54🔗 Drew Yeah, sebaceous.

33:55🔗 Adam Yeah, squeeze those things right out of there. Look like a little sea urchin is coming out of there.

34:00🔗 Drew That's an image, boy. I want to think about that for a while.

34:03🔗 Adam Yeah, it's like one of those cake decorators. I could just step jumped on one of those pastry bags.

34:09🔗 Drew Toothpaste.

34:09🔗 Adam Yeah. Never do that.

34:11🔗 Drew Especially around puberty.

34:12🔗 Caller I just took my pearly peanut fabulism.

34:14🔗 Drew Those things get affected around puberty and cause little abscesses.

34:17🔗 Adam Man, I miss my balls. I'm going to go home and check that tonight.

34:20🔗 Drew But put that in a cart. Man, I miss my balls.

34:23🔗 Adam Joseph?

34:25🔗 Yeah.

34:25🔗 Adam You're 15.

34:26🔗 Caller Yeah.

34:26🔗 Adam What's up?

34:27🔗 Caller Oh, what's up, Manny? Yeah. I think the man show is pretty good.

34:33🔗 Adam Thank you.

34:34🔗 Caller I've seen that show a whole bunch of times.

34:36🔗 Adam Good.

34:38🔗 Caller Well, I have a bisexual friend. And he's my best friend. And then I have me and my girlfriend. And my girlfriend wants to have a threesome with him. And during that, she wants us to perform oral sex. And dad died. Don't you want to go anywhere near that?

34:54🔗 Adam What's up with your girlfriend?

34:56🔗 Caller I don't know.

34:57🔗 Adam Is she a little chaotic?

35:00🔗 Caller No, not really. She's pretty calm.

35:01🔗 Drew Oh, come on.

35:02🔗 Adam She wants to watch you blow another guy?

35:05🔗 Caller It kind of freaks me out when she asks me.

35:08🔗 Drew How old is she?

35:09🔗 Caller Fifteen.

35:11🔗 Drew Doesn't this feel like the same impulse as the guy with the anal sex?

35:14🔗 Adam Sort of. But this is marginally more believable.

35:18🔗 Drew No, no, but I mean, this is the equivalent impulse for a female as...

35:23🔗 Adam To watch?

35:24🔗 Drew Yeah. Isn't that the same kind of impulse?

35:28🔗 Adam Sort of, except for the guys, it's more exploration. And for girls, it's just purely effed up. I mean, she's screwed up, Joseph. She really is. She's a mess. You don't want to do this, right? Hell no. All right, so don't do it.

35:44🔗 Drew She's looking for something to freak her out.

35:45🔗 Adam She's looking for chaos.

35:47🔗 Drew Yeah, she's looking for even to sabotage this relationship.

35:49🔗 Adam This thing's been going too smoothly for her, and she's going to ruffle some feathers. She is going to agitate some things, all right?

35:58🔗 Caller All right.

35:59🔗 Adam Be prepared, because if you squelch this one, she'll find something else. There'll be something else.

36:04🔗 Drew Or she'll do something else.

36:06🔗 Adam Right, maybe cheat, maybe whatever.

36:08🔗 Drew Yeah. Let's take a break.

36:11🔗 Adam Yeah?

36:11🔗 Drew Yeah.

36:12🔗 Adam All right, let's do that. Should we regroup or just take a break?

36:14🔗 Drew Just a break.

36:15🔗 Adam Okay. We'll be back after this.

36:19🔗 Caller Hello? Is this Loveline? Call 1-800-LOVE-191. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back.

37:00🔗 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. All right, let's hop back on the phones.

37:11🔗 Drew Awful back pain tonight for some reason.

37:12🔗 Adam Really? What's up?

37:14🔗 Drew I don't know. Like a back strain or something.

37:16🔗 Adam I've had no back problems in my life, and I used to have tons of back problems in my life.

37:22🔗 Drew Since you got happy.

37:23🔗 Adam Not happy, not miserable.

37:27🔗 Drew How dare you?

37:28🔗 Adam Do you understand the difference in my life?

37:29🔗 Drew Yes.

37:30🔗 Adam I went from being totally miserable to not miserable.

37:34🔗 Drew Which is a big jump for you.

37:36🔗 Adam Huge jump. Better to be not miserable and neutral than neutral to happy. That is a bigger jump.

37:43🔗 Drew I've been so sick all week. I spend a lot of time in bed. I think it's really screwed up my back.

37:47🔗 Adam Victoria?

37:48🔗 Yeah.

37:48🔗 Adam You're 16?

37:50🔗 Caller Yeah.

37:51🔗 Caller What's up?

37:53🔗 Caller My husband is 21 and after we have intercourse, as soon as it starts to go down, it gets real swollen and he says it gets painful. Which only allows him to have sex once a day. He complains that it is very painful. And I don't know if that's normal, if he should see a doctor or if that's just typical.

38:16🔗 Adam Only having sex once a day. He's going to kill himself soon, right?

38:20🔗 Drew Why didn't he reduce it to maybe once a week?

38:23🔗 Caller Well, even because we have gone a couple of days without doing it, and he still has the same problem. It just happened recently.

38:33🔗 Adam How did he get married at 16?

38:35🔗 Caller My mom's consent.

38:37🔗 Adam Really? Why do you want to get married at 16?

38:41🔗 Caller I have no idea. We love each other and we have a son together and-

38:47🔗 Adam Shocking. Yes. Okay. Can you not have any more kids though, please?

38:52🔗 Caller I'm not going to.

38:53🔗 Drew All right.

38:54🔗 Adam What are you doing to not have kids?

38:56🔗 Caller I'm on birth control.

38:57🔗 Caller Good girl.

38:58🔗 Drew You're on the pill?

39:00🔗 Caller Yes, I'm on the pill.

39:01🔗 Drew Great.

39:01🔗 Adam Don't mess that thing up. You hear me?

39:04🔗 Caller Definitely not.

39:04🔗 Adam It's screwing like rabbits. You already got a kid. All right. So you're 16, you're mommy, you're married?

39:10🔗 Caller Yes.

39:10🔗 Adam You didn't finish high school?

39:12🔗 Caller I am finishing high school.

39:14🔗 Adam Yeah. Don't bother.

39:15🔗 Caller What do you mean, don't bother?

39:16🔗 Adam Listen, you're not going anywhere. The high school education is vastly overrated. You know that diploma? I've, well, not physically had a diploma because my school wouldn't give me my diploma because I own the book room, $20 for We the People. But I've never had a job and I've been working for coming on to 20 years now where they've asked me to see a diploma.

39:37🔗 Drew Right.

39:39🔗 Caller Well, I want to finish high school because I want to go to college.

39:42🔗 Adam No, that's a pipe dream. Junior college, listen, you're mommy now. You raise that kid. That's what you do for the next five, 10 years. All right?

39:50🔗 Caller That's what I'm planning on doing.

39:52🔗 Adam Good. Don't worry about college. You'll actually be of college age. It'll be time to go to college. Your kid will be in high school.

39:59🔗 Caller I know.

40:00🔗 Adam All right. So where does he get this swollen penis, Drew?

40:03🔗 Drew How long are you guys doing your thing before he gets sore?

40:07🔗 Caller Anywhere to half an hour to an hour.

40:09🔗 Drew Okay. Well, that's why he's sore.

40:12🔗 Caller But I mean, every day it's like that.

40:14🔗 Drew Why don't you try it a shorter period of time, less frequently. He's actually hurting himself with this.

40:21🔗 Adam He's aggravating himself.

40:22🔗 Drew Yeah. Even when-

40:24🔗 Adam Look-

40:24🔗 Drew He may have to lay off for a couple of weeks, actually, to get things to cool down.

40:28🔗 Adam Let's put it this way, Victoria. Let me explain the penis to you.

40:32🔗 Okay.

40:34🔗 Adam It is not impervious to injury. You understand?

40:38🔗 Yeah.

40:38🔗 Adam It is a flesh and blood, just like any other appendage on the body. If I called in and said, hey, I've been hitting a heavy bag, bare-handed for about an hour a day, every day, and my knuckles are getting sore. Well, of course, the obvious answer was, hey, you can't hit the thing every day for an hour.

40:59🔗 Drew There's even more illogic in the question, which is, now I'm going to keep doing it every day, what do you suggest I do?

41:06🔗 Adam Right, I'm not going to stop.

41:07🔗 Drew Yeah.

41:08🔗 Adam Yes, you're aggravating that. And the penis is kind of weird, because the penis is very delicate in many ways, but it's very versatile and durable in other ways. My penis is taking tons of abuse.

41:20🔗 Drew Yeah.

41:20🔗 Adam And as you've seen, it shines like a new dime. Thank you very much.

41:26🔗 Caller What is that sound?

41:28🔗 Drew That was my microphone.

41:29🔗 Adam Oh, okay. Are you messing with something?

41:31🔗 Drew My hand touched the microphone. This is Westwood Wine, okay?

41:34🔗 Adam You know you're not supposed to find all the equipment. All right. Where are we? Thomas?

41:39🔗 Caller Yeah. Hi, guys.

41:40🔗 Adam You're 26. What's up?

41:42🔗 Caller I was just wondering if you could maybe discuss any negative health issues that could come up from using a penis ring during...

41:52🔗 Drew Oh, Adam, you've had an opportunity to walk him through your inventory.

41:59🔗 Adam Of penis rings?

42:00🔗 Drew Yeah. At your store.

42:01🔗 Adam I'm not allowed to say that word on the air, don't you remember? The C ring?

42:06🔗 Drew Yeah, the way you've said it, though, you can say it, though.

42:08🔗 Adam I can?

42:09🔗 Drew You can't say...

42:10🔗 Adam I can say, I can say C ring?

42:11🔗 Drew You can't say... Yes, you can say that, and you can say penis ring.

42:14🔗 Adam Okay.

42:15🔗 Drew Okay.

42:15🔗 Adam All right. Are you done? It's all...

42:18🔗 Drew At your store.

42:19🔗 Adam It's only funny if I get to say the entire word. You understand, Drew?

42:25🔗 Drew Penis ring is funny, too.

42:26🔗 Adam No. You really got to learn a lot about comedy in life. Thomas? You don't put your nuts through this ring, too, do you? No. You just put your penis through it. Yes. And let me get this straight.

42:37🔗 Drew I thought they put the whole thing through it.

42:38🔗 Adam No, no, no, no, no. Poor, naive Drew. You put this thing through your penis, right? Or around your penis, sort of before you become Iraq or while you're sort of like leathery? Yeah. And then as you chub up, it sort of holds the blood in.

42:59🔗 Caller Yeah.

43:00🔗 Drew It's like a tourniquet.

43:01🔗 Adam Yeah.

43:01🔗 Drew It's a tourniquet. You've never used one though, right?

43:04🔗 Caller No, I haven't. I'm just kind of looking into it.

43:07🔗 Adam Why do you need one?

43:09🔗 Caller It's not really necessarily a need, but I'm kind of in hopes to prolong in the course and kind of...

43:15🔗 Drew I'm not sure that it would actually necessarily do that. My concern is it could cause priapism, can cause painful sustained erections.

43:21🔗 Adam Well, it would prolong your erection, but I don't know if it would delay ejaculation.

43:29🔗 Caller Well, from the few things I have read about, it seems to... they seem to point to, after you ejaculate, it will kind of allow you to retain an erection longer.

43:42🔗 Adam Yeah, well, who needs it? I can't get rid of mine fast enough. I'll hit mine in the rolled up newspaper. My penis stays erect 10 seconds out of, after ejaculation, that's 10 seconds too long.

43:52🔗 Drew You get out of here.

43:54🔗 Adam Get, get! You take that erection out of the house. Don't you bring that in here. What do you need it for? You're done.

44:03🔗 Drew Okay. There is some potential risk, obviously.

44:08🔗 Adam You could use it sparingly.

44:11🔗 Drew Didn't somebody explain to us that you could put everything through them?

44:14🔗 Adam Yeah, they have these ones where you cram your sack in. But that doesn't, that's, no. I'm not into that. That's not right. No. And if you can get your nuts and your Johnson through a standard penis ring, that's a bad sign. And if it's a pinky ring, then you really got trouble. I don't know, use it once in a while. Listen, everyone stop experimenting with your penis. My penis works so well. It really does. I wish I could kiss it. I really do. I really do. My penis is so functional. It really is. It does everything I ask it to do. My penis would be like a Toyota of penises. Maybe like a Camry or a Corolla or something. Maybe step up. Yeah, I'd say like a Camry. Not flashy, doesn't turn too many heads going down the street.

45:11🔗 Drew Certainly not too big.

45:15🔗 Adam But reliable, very reliable.

45:17🔗 Drew Is the camera coming to two door?

45:20🔗 Caller Dare you. Shana?

45:25🔗 Guest I have a question for Dr. Drew.

45:26🔗 Adam If my penis was a car, it would have no door. You'd have to crawl into the sun room. All right, Shana, you're 28.

45:33🔗 Drew Should we have those little clown cars that the clowns get out of?

45:35🔗 Adam You're crawling through the exhaust pipe. It would be a Mini Cooper.

45:39🔗 Guest Yeah, I had a question for Dr. Drew.

45:41🔗 Adam Yeah, Shana, okay, baby.

45:44🔗 Guest Oh, I'm kind of worried about my husband having a fetish.

45:50🔗 Adam Hold on, Drew's trying to blow himself. Drew, get back up here, would you?

45:53🔗 Drew My back is killing me. Go ahead, I'm listening.

45:54🔗 Adam Good one.

45:57🔗 Guest I ate his armpit hair on a sandwich.

46:01🔗 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

46:03🔗 Guest It is normal. Because he really liked it. I kind of turned him on.

46:10🔗 Drew That you ate his what kind of sandwich?

46:13🔗 Guest It was just bread and mayonnaise and armpit hair.

46:19🔗 Adam I'll tell you, if it was Miracle Whip, I'd really heave. It's not that white trash Miracle Whip, is it?

46:26🔗 Guest No, I hate that.

46:27🔗 Adam Oh, that stuff is so bad.

46:28🔗 Guest It wasn't too bad, but I don't know, he kind of wants it to go a little farther, like ass grass sandwiches and brown sauce.

46:38🔗 Adam Hold on. Ass grass sandwiches and brown sauce?

46:48🔗 Drew Okay, we now have James has been displaced.

46:52🔗 Adam James, the one whose dog who had sex with him.

46:55🔗 Drew When people always ask us what's the weirdest call, we always say James, but no, it's Shauna.

47:00🔗 Adam Remember Shauna's name, Shauna?

47:02🔗 Guest Yeah.

47:03🔗 Caller Really?

47:05🔗 Guest Do you think that's too odd?

47:07🔗 Adam No, I think it's a perfectly healthy outlet.

47:11🔗 Drew Pumpernickel or white?

47:13🔗 Adam What do you go with?

47:14🔗 Guest I'd prefer something better than white.

47:17🔗 Adam And so you ate his armpit hair.

47:20🔗 Guest Yeah.

47:20🔗 Adam See, let me explain something when it comes to eating stuff that comes off other people's body.

47:25🔗 Guest Okay.

47:25🔗 Adam Very slippery slope. And let me tell you where that slope ends, the ass. You understand? That is, all canyons lead to the anus.

47:35🔗 Drew It's all a mudslide when you get back.

47:36🔗 Adam Yes. If it was...

47:37🔗 Drew Shawna, do not go away. We're going to talk some more to her.

47:40🔗 Adam If it was a ski resort, it would be called Ass Mountain, and every run would just lead right to the anus. And they start high up on the hill. You can't even see the anus.

47:51🔗 Drew Above the clouds.

47:52🔗 Adam Starting up, hey, have an eyelash. Have a little booger. How about smearing a little ear wax on a writz? Fantastic. But eventually, it's to the anus. And these are all the little baby steps you take before you get to the big S sandwich. That big meatball sandwich. And that's why you get started. No one wants you to eat the armpit hair, but they do want you to eat the S. All right, we're going to take a little break, and we'll get back. Well, we're going to pray Shana doesn't have kids.

48:25🔗 Drew Oh, I'm staying in power right now.

48:27🔗 Adam Okay.

48:28🔗 Drew You're going to become a religious person.

48:30🔗 Adam I will. We'll be back. Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla, that is Dr. Drew, and according to one of the Loveline fans, the smartest man alive, they created an MP3 about me. What is an MP3?

49:32🔗 Drew It's a music, piece of music you can download.

49:35🔗 Adam Oh, really? I can't be too smart. I don't know what an MP3 is.

49:38🔗 Drew Yeah, you know what a computer is, so.

49:40🔗 Adam What's that? One of those places, now those places where they keep the books have computers, too, right?

49:46🔗 Drew Yeah, libraries, bookstores, libraries, libraries.

49:49🔗 Adam Oh, library? It doesn't even have the word book in it, man. It's like whatever. Anyway, should I tell people where they can find this thing?

50:00🔗 Drew Sure.

50:00🔗 Adam Really?

50:01🔗 Drew Why not?

50:02🔗 Adam All right. I don't know how this stuff works. www.phase4.cjb.net and under the download section. Hey Anderson, can you do that?

50:15🔗 Drew We don't have the line here for it. Can I have a yellow pad there, please?

50:18🔗 Adam Yeah. Okay.

50:21🔗 Drew Back to Shawna.

50:22🔗 Adam Yeah. Where were we?

50:23🔗 Drew Give me the yellow pad there by your right elbow.

50:24🔗 Adam Okay. Hold on there, bucko. What do you got? What are you doing? Some origami?

50:29🔗 Caller Relax.

50:30🔗 Adam Shawna?

50:30🔗 Guest Yeah.

50:32🔗 Adam So, do you have any kids?

50:34🔗 Guest I do, as matters.

50:35🔗 No.

50:36🔗 Drew See? As far as we're not answered.

50:38🔗 Adam It breaks my hymen when I hear that.

50:41🔗 Drew How many?

50:41🔗 Adam Shawna?

50:42🔗 Guest I have two.

50:43🔗 Drew And this is your husband we're talking about?

50:44🔗 Guest Yes.

50:45🔗 Adam All right. Let's just recap here. Shawna's husband recently, right?

50:50🔗 Guest Yes.

50:50🔗 Adam Asked you to eat a sandwich that was made with armpit hair, right?

50:55🔗 Guest Correct.

50:55🔗 Adam Mayonnaise?

50:57🔗 Guest Right.

50:57🔗 Adam Bread? In armpit hair.

50:59🔗 Guest Right.

51:00🔗 Adam And what about a little mustard in there?

51:02🔗 Guest No, no mustard.

51:03🔗 Adam You don't like mustard?

51:05🔗 Guest I do, but he didn't have any on that.

51:07🔗 Adam I see. Okay. And how much armpit hair would you say was in there?

51:14🔗 Guest Probably a fourth of a cup.

51:18🔗 Adam Really? So it was a...

51:19🔗 Drew How do you... Did he cut it off?

51:21🔗 Guest He shaved it off with razors from Chevron.

51:25🔗 Adam From Chevron?

51:26🔗 Guest Yes.

51:26🔗 Adam See, I figured he was using a mobile or Exxon razor.

51:30🔗 Drew I thought Bic. I thought Bic all the way.

51:32🔗 Guest They were Gillette, and he bought them at Chevron.

51:35🔗 Adam I see. He bought them at Chevron.

51:36🔗 Guest Uh-huh.

51:37🔗 Adam Okay.

51:37🔗 Drew That's almost too much detail.

51:39🔗 Adam And where did you buy the bread? Is that at, uh...

51:41🔗 Drew Thrifty?

51:42🔗 Guest Huh?

51:43🔗 Adam Where did you buy the bread and the mayonnaise? Like trace the origin of the sandwich?

51:47🔗 Guest At Conoco, at the convenience store.

51:49🔗 Adam I see. Okay.

51:51🔗 Drew All gas station bought goods.

51:52🔗 Adam I see. Does he work at a gas station?

51:55🔗 Guest No, he doesn't.

51:56🔗 Adam Okay. Was it important? How dare you? Was it important that you tell us where he bought the razor?

52:01🔗 Guest Yes.

52:02🔗 Adam It was?

52:02🔗 Guest Yes.

52:03🔗 Adam That's going to factor in at some point here? Okay.

52:06🔗 Guest No, they were just crappy razors.

52:08🔗 Adam I see. It wasn't even a nice razor.

52:10🔗 Drew Maybe he's a truck driver and that sort of ties that.

52:12🔗 Adam What's he do for a living? Works with children?

52:15🔗 Guest Excuse me?

52:16🔗 Adam Does he work with children?

52:17🔗 Guest No, he doesn't.

52:17🔗 Adam I see. What does he do?

52:20🔗 Guest He does wiring harnesses for F-16s.

52:27🔗 Adam Oh, military.

52:29🔗 Guest Reassuring.

52:29🔗 Adam Works for the defense program. So is he out here? Is he in Atlanta? Where is he?

52:35🔗 Guest No, in Utah.

52:36🔗 Adam Oh, in Utah. All right. Fantastic. These are the kind of men we went working on these airplanes.

52:41🔗 Guest Yeah.

52:42🔗 Adam So he trimmed all of the hair from both armpits?

52:45🔗 Guest Yes, all of it.

52:46🔗 Adam All of it, and he put it in a sandwich, and you ate the entire sandwich.

52:50🔗 Guest That's correct.

52:50🔗 Drew And what did he do in response to that?

52:52🔗 Guest What did he do?

52:53🔗 Drew Yeah.

52:54🔗 Guest Well, he got turned on off of it.

52:56🔗 Ejaculating.

52:58🔗 Adam Was he touching himself while you were doing it?

53:00🔗 Guest No, but afterwards he was.

53:04🔗 Adam And did you guys make love afterward?

53:07🔗 Guest Yeah.

53:08🔗 Drew Okay.

53:09🔗 Adam That must have been beautiful. I bet you heard violins.

53:12🔗 Guest No.

53:14🔗 Adam And did you cough up a fur ball at some point? I mean, how does that work?

53:19🔗 Guest Yeah, and I still feel like I'm going to.

53:22🔗 Drew Yeah, but you've moved along the food chain a little bit.

53:24🔗 Adam And Shauna, why? Okay, I don't want to get into why yet, but now what was his second request?

53:31🔗 Guest The ass grass.

53:33🔗 Drew He went right to that?

53:34🔗 Adam He went right to that. Now that's just ass hair?

53:37🔗 Guest Yeah, with a side of brown sauce.

53:40🔗 Drew How is he planning to harvest this stuff?

53:42🔗 Adam Is the side of brown sauce what we think it is?

53:45🔗 Guest Yes, it is.

53:46🔗 Adam I see.

53:47🔗 Drew Does it have to be?

53:48🔗 Adam Still, have you ever tasted Vegemite, Shauna?

53:51🔗 Guest Excuse me?

53:52🔗 Adam It's worse. Vegemite is still a little bit worse than what we're talking about here. You could have married an Australian and done worse. But he was going to shave his ass now, right?

54:08🔗 Guest Yeah, with electric clippers.

54:10🔗 Adam Electric clippers. Onto another sandwich?

54:12🔗 Guest Yes.

54:13🔗 Adam This sounds like a hero or a hoagie size sandwich though, right?

54:16🔗 Guest It probably would be.

54:17🔗 Drew I see. You didn't specify the type of bread.

54:20🔗 Adam And then take a little fecal matter and put it on there?

54:24🔗 Drew On the sandwich.

54:25🔗 Guest Yes.

54:25🔗 Drew So really not a side after all.

54:27🔗 Guest Well, no, not necessarily.

54:34🔗 Adam And maybe a little ranch that he produced on the side there for him for dipping.

54:38🔗 Guest Maybe.

54:39🔗 Adam And are you entertaining the notion of eating this sandwich?

54:44🔗 Guest Not really. I'm wondering if it's going to be a problem with him.

54:47🔗 Adam Well, why did you eat the first fur sandwich?

54:53🔗 Guest Well, I ate the first one to win some concert tickets.

54:57🔗 Drew Was this like a radio contest or something?

54:59🔗 Guest Uh-huh, yeah.

55:01🔗 Drew You left that out.

55:05🔗 Caller Oh, she's starting to scare me a little bit.

55:10🔗 Adam What concert did you go to, like Ario Speedwagon or something?

55:14🔗 Guest We haven't gone yet, but it's Poison, Docken, Cinderella, and Slaughter.

55:21🔗 Adam It's The Hasbuns of Rockdoor. Yeah, they blew through here the other day.

55:27🔗 Guest Oh, yeah?

55:27🔗 Adam Yeah, they were in like Irvine or something. All right, so you did this as part of a radio stunt. Yeah.

55:36🔗 Drew Are you calling from Cleveland?

55:37🔗 Adam No, she's calling from Utah.

55:39🔗 Drew No, that's right, Utah.

55:39🔗 Adam So that sort of puts it in a context, doesn't it? That's a big word that means it makes sense now.

55:46🔗 Drew Well, I wonder if it's purpose.

55:47🔗 Adam Yes, that's right. What's that?

55:50🔗 Guest I wonder if it's going to become a major problem.

55:52🔗 Drew So you sort of feel like you triggered something. You unleashed something.

55:56🔗 Guest Yeah.

55:56🔗 Drew And now he's taking it to the ultimate pinnacle.

55:59🔗 Adam Oh, yeah, but let me tell you something. The S sandwich is, if you ate armpit hair for Poison and Doc and the S sandwich has to be the three tenors on New Year's with Barbra Streisand opening. You know what I'm saying? It's going to take more than you know, Uriah Heap getting back together for you to eat an S sandwich, right?

56:23🔗 Guest Right.

56:23🔗 Adam And there may be no concert tickets in your future. It may just be pure S, right?

56:28🔗 Guest That's true.

56:29🔗 Adam All right. So how hell bent is he on this next sandwich? And doesn't that make you nervous to be married to a man who wants you to eat his poo?

56:36🔗 Guest It does. It really does.

56:38🔗 Drew It makes me nervous for you and the two kids.

56:39🔗 Adam It's sort of a bad, sort of symbolic sign, you know what I mean?

56:43🔗 Guest Right. Right.

56:45🔗 Adam Yeah.

56:46🔗 Drew Is he aggressive in other ways?

56:49🔗 Guest Sometimes, yeah.

56:50🔗 Drew Is he physically abusive with you?

56:53🔗 Guest No.

56:54🔗 Drew Just real aggressive?

56:55🔗 Guest Yeah.

56:56🔗 Adam Yeah. How old are your kids?

56:58🔗 Guest Nine and 10.

56:58🔗 Caller Oh, I hope they're girls.

57:01🔗 Guest One girl, one boy.

57:02🔗 Adam Oh, listen.

57:04🔗 Drew No, this is too much for the girl.

57:05🔗 Adam Okay. But listen, don't let him abuse that boy. And then he goes to school and starts beating up other kids and all that kind of crap, right? You take care of those kids.

57:15🔗 Guest I would.

57:15🔗 Adam Don't let him screw with those kids.

57:17🔗 Guest No, I wouldn't do that.

57:18🔗 Adam And Shauna, you need to sort of stand up for yourself, would you? Stop eating so much boo?

57:24🔗 Drew Humble pie.

57:25🔗 Guest Okay.

57:26🔗 Adam Yeah. And don't have any more kids, all right?

57:28🔗 Guest I won't. I won't.

57:30🔗 Adam I'm deeming you unfit.

57:32🔗 Guest Okay.

57:33🔗 Adam I mean, really, your kid's going to, you know, have an M-80, tossing M-80s into the fireplace while your daughter's roasting marshmallows and you're just going to be laughing like a hyena. You think it's a good idea to eat a hair sandwich?

57:47🔗 Guest Well, I don't know if it's a good idea. That's what I'm wondering. And if he is the one who wants to do it.

57:51🔗 Drew Yeah, but the fact that you're even wondering and that he's asking is what scares us.

57:59🔗 Adam What goes on in that house? How does this work? Oh, Drew, could you imagine you saying to your wife?

58:07🔗 Drew Oh, I would just eat a sandwich.

58:12🔗 Adam That's right. We're out of pate and escargot. How about a sandwich? Can you imagine you saying to your wife, I'd like to take this little duke and spread it on a kaiser roll.

58:25🔗 Drew Thank God. God bless her that she would not even entertain. In fact, she called the police.

58:32🔗 Adam She could use a little of that though.

58:34🔗 Drew She called the police.

58:34🔗 Adam All women could benefit from just a little poo consumption gene in them. Oh, my God. Your wife, what she would do to your nuts with her shoe would be amazing. She would actually, I think, instead of just kicking you into the nuts, she would actually pull your nuts off, take them to a concrete slab and beat them with her shoe. Hold them down and beat them with one of her punks.

58:58🔗 Drew As they jumped around.

58:59🔗 Adam Yeah.

59:00🔗 Drew Yeah.

59:00🔗 Adam But Tanya? Yeah. Oh, listen. Listen, Shana, no more kids and don't eat any more stuff that comes off your husband. Tanya, let me just, I got to check one quick thing with Tanya.

59:13🔗 Drew Shana.

59:13🔗 Adam I mean Shana, sorry. Shana?

59:15🔗 Guest What?

59:17🔗 Adam Do you swallow during oral sex?

59:19🔗 Guest Of course.

59:20🔗 Adam Okay. I was about to be outraged if you didn't. Tanya?

59:28🔗 Yeah.

59:28🔗 Adam All right. You're 17. What's up?

59:30🔗 Caller Okay. Between the times I was 13 till I was 14, I had got raped five times between the time span. And since then, I'm like, I guess you could say I'm like scared of males. I mean, because my boyfriend right now, I'm scared to even be around him.

59:47🔗 Drew Was it the same guy each time or were there multiple males involved?

59:50🔗 Caller Different.

59:52🔗 Adam Five different guys?

59:53🔗 Drew Starting at age 13?

59:56🔗 Caller Between the times I was 13 till I was 14.

59:57🔗 Drew Anything happened before you were 13?

1:00:00🔗 Caller Yeah, between that time span.

1:00:01🔗 Drew Anything happened before you were 13?

1:00:04🔗 Caller Yeah, when I was 30, but I don't remember it.

1:00:05🔗 Drew Yeah. Well, that makes sense.

1:00:07🔗 Adam But it sort of sets you up. Propelled that. I mean, listen, it's sad and it's an unpopular view to take, but from doing this show, we know someone that gets raped five times in four years had something happen to her before the first rape. And so that's what's propelling this.

1:00:29🔗 Caller Well, I mean, because I mean, I mean, I was at like a party with a couple of friends of mine. There was more guys than there was.

1:00:36🔗 Adam I know. Listen, hey, Tonya. Tonya, Tonya. It doesn't matter what the story is. It just keeps happening.

1:00:43🔗 Drew There's a victimizer around every corner and they will find you.

1:00:46🔗 Caller Because I've done been to a doctor. They put me on Paxil and Prozac and all this other stuff.

1:00:50🔗 Drew Good. That's good.

1:00:51🔗 Adam What happened to you when you were three?

1:00:53🔗 Caller When I was three, I got molested by my stepbrother.

1:00:57🔗 Adam What about after that?

1:00:57🔗 Caller Anything?

1:00:59🔗 Caller I used to get beat by my granddaddy, but I'm not living with him anymore.

1:01:03🔗 Adam Good. Is he dead?

1:01:04🔗 Caller No. He's alive.

1:01:06🔗 Adam That's too bad.

1:01:08🔗 Caller I'm about to move in with my boyfriend.

1:01:11🔗 Adam How old is he?

1:01:13🔗 Caller He's 20.

1:01:14🔗 Adam Yeah. We don't trust him.

1:01:15🔗 Caller No. He's a sweetie.

1:01:16🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:01:17🔗 Adam Really?

1:01:17🔗 Drew Right now.

1:01:18🔗 Caller Yeah. I mean, I've done Spend Night down there. He hasn't treated me anyway. He's really sweet.

1:01:23🔗 Drew For the moment.

1:01:24🔗 Caller Where are you calling from?

1:01:26🔗 Caller Georgia.

1:01:28🔗 Caller We're on in Georgia? We are? Okay.

1:01:31🔗 Adam Hey, how long we've been on in Georgia?

1:01:34🔗 Caller How long you've been on in Georgia?

1:01:35🔗 Adam About a year. That's good. Hey, I knew that. Tanya? Uh-huh. Okay. You got to get a little therapy because all the raping, molesting and everything else that's going on in your life?

1:01:46🔗 Caller No medicine.

1:01:47🔗 Adam Oh, yeah. But a little therapy wouldn't hurt either, you know?

1:01:50🔗 Drew You don't do a lot of good as a group, a women's group.

1:01:53🔗 Caller I just do it the way the packs do.

1:01:54🔗 Drew A women's group would do a lot of good for you because there are going to be issues with this guy. They're just are.

1:02:00🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:02:01🔗 Adam You know what I'm saying? What's he do?

1:02:03🔗 Drew For a living.

1:02:04🔗 Caller What's he do? He paints cars.

1:02:06🔗 Caller Oh.

1:02:08🔗 Drew Metal.

1:02:08🔗 Adam Yeah, that's bad. Works around a lot of Bondo, huh?

1:02:12🔗 Caller All right.

1:02:13🔗 Adam Listen, keep an eye on him. We don't trust him. All right?

1:02:17🔗 Caller I will. Oh, by the way.

1:02:18🔗 Adam Nothing wrong with him. I mean, it's just that you picked him and we don't trust you.

1:02:22🔗 Drew By the way, what?

1:02:23🔗 Caller Oh, by the way, I just want to say, Adam, you're a cutie.

1:02:26🔗 Adam Oh, yeah?

1:02:26🔗 Drew That's strike three.

1:02:28🔗 Adam You're fine, baby. You don't need any of that backstroke.

1:02:30🔗 Drew Strike.

1:02:31🔗 Caller Hey, it's okay for a little compliment. God.

1:02:33🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:02:34🔗 Drew It speaks volumes about what's going on with you.

1:02:36🔗 Adam When do you think I'm at my hottest, Tanya? Would that be over the radio or on one of my multiple TV shows?

1:02:44🔗 Caller I saw you on a TV show. I think you're adorable.

1:02:46🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:02:47🔗 Adam Thank you.

1:02:48🔗 Caller I'm sorry to have a compliment.

1:02:49🔗 Adam That's right. Nothing wrong with that, Tanya. I label you sane and adjusted. You're officially self-actualized. You need no therapy. Throw away your medication.

1:03:00🔗 Drew She already did.

1:03:01🔗 Adam Oh, you already did.

1:03:02🔗 Caller I don't want to get addicted on it like my mother.

1:03:04🔗 Drew That is not addictive medication, Tanya. I understand, but that's not addictive, what you're taking.

1:03:12🔗 Adam All right. Get to the therapist. Oh, my God.

1:03:14🔗 Drew Do not unilaterally disregard what you've been instructed to do by your physician.

1:03:20🔗 Adam Oh, wait a second. Tanya, please don't have any kids.

1:03:25🔗 Caller I already got one.

1:03:27🔗 Adam Oh.

1:03:28🔗 Caller He's about to turn two.

1:03:30🔗 Adam He should be taken away.

1:03:32🔗 Drew Shocking.

1:03:32🔗 Caller I'm a very good mother.

1:03:33🔗 Adam No, you are not.

1:03:35🔗 Drew Wait a minute. What do you think this guy is going to do with the two-year-old? The Bondo guy.

1:03:39🔗 Adam He's going to use him to chalk the tires of his truck so it doesn't roll down the driveway at night.

1:03:43🔗 Drew That would be the best thing.

1:03:45🔗 Adam Jesus Christ. Hey, Tanya?

1:03:48🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:03:48🔗 Adam Can you be fixed? Can you be sterilized?

1:03:52🔗 Caller I'm on the shot.

1:03:53🔗 Adam You are?

1:03:53🔗 Drew Good girl.

1:03:54🔗 Adam Who suggested that?

1:03:55🔗 Caller My mother.

1:03:57🔗 Adam Yeah. I thought she was the crazy pill popper.

1:03:59🔗 Caller She is.

1:04:00🔗 Adam She should be sainted.

1:04:01🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:04:02🔗 Adam All right. Do not get pregnant again. Do you hear me?

1:04:04🔗 Caller Trust me.

1:04:05🔗 Adam Don't do it.

1:04:06🔗 Caller I'm not.

1:04:07🔗 Adam You sure you don't want to give this one away?

1:04:09🔗 Drew Two years old.

1:04:10🔗 Caller I love more than anything else in this world.

1:04:12🔗 Adam Listen, I let-

1:04:15🔗 Drew Do not leave him alone with this guy.

1:04:16🔗 Adam Don't touch your mic.

1:04:17🔗 Drew I'm just trying to fix it. Do not leave him alone with that guy. You don't know what he's about. If she's picked him, he's a child abuser. Think about it.

1:04:26🔗 Adam Yeah. That kid would be better off being raised by giant sea turtles. A family of turtles.

1:04:33🔗 Drew Kindly sea turtles.

1:04:35🔗 Adam A family of turtles. I don't mean cartoon turtles. I just mean regular turtles would be more suited to raising this child. Oh my God. Got a two-year-old. Oh, you wonder. Hey, does everyone want to know where the new batch of criminal strippers, insane people, and welfare recipients are coming from? Listen to the show. Don't believe me? You want to go talk to Tanya's mom? See where she's at right now? Let's go talk to Tanya's mom's mom. See how old she was. You know what I'm saying?

1:05:12🔗 Drew They're addicts too, so it's an addiction history. It's unmanaged, un-dealt with.

1:05:16🔗 Adam When are we going to put that together as a society? I can't and you can't be the only ones who have thought of this. Don't the powers that be know about this?

1:05:25🔗 Drew It's an election year. Let's bring it up.

1:05:27🔗 Adam Oh, that goofball Maxine Waters. I can't get over how stupid that woman is. I don't care if she listens to this show. I don't care if she's going to raise my taxes and not get my garbage picked up. I talked to this woman on Politically Incorrect about the morning after pills. You had no idea what I was talking about. That's job one, honey.

1:05:47🔗 Drew I was on a local newscast here in Los Angeles and I was talking about emergency contraception.

1:05:51🔗 Adam You do local stuff. I do national stuff. That's the difference.

1:05:54🔗 Drew But it was some very accomplished professional reporters went, wait a minute, how does that work? You get pregnant within minutes of intercourse, right?

1:06:03🔗 Adam Right.

1:06:04🔗 Drew Within minutes?

1:06:06🔗 Adam Listen, people don't understand how this technology works.

1:06:09🔗 Drew It takes up to three days to get pregnant after you've had intercourse. The sperm sits around there waiting for an egg to be released.

1:06:17🔗 Adam Right now, mine's in the hamper pining its time.

1:06:20🔗 Drew Waiting for an egg.

1:06:22🔗 Adam Listen, we gotta stop having screwed up people, have so many kids. That's it. End of problem. We'll then be living in a utopia. Steve?

1:06:33🔗 Caller Yeah, you want my girlfriend to go kick Maxine Waters ass?

1:06:36🔗 Adam Yes, could she?

1:06:38🔗 Caller Yeah, she's pretty mean.

1:06:40🔗 Adam Let me give you my Maxine Waters read. Seemed like a nice enough woman, just, I'll tell you, seemed like Aunt Esther from, from...

1:06:50🔗 Drew Fetico Junction?

1:06:51🔗 Adam No, Aunt Esther from Sanford and Son. Just the idea that this woman was in charge of anything, I found bizarre.

1:06:58🔗 Caller I don't believe you said that.

1:07:00🔗 Adam I just, she just didn't seem to know what was going on. I can't imagine what she fills her day with. And she told me what she filled her day with. I said, what about this morning after? She goes, oh, we just argue with the Republic. We argue all the time. We just argue back and forth. Nothing gets done, basically. We just argue, I'm like, can't you do, really? That's what you do? You just argue all day?

1:07:22🔗 Drew I mean, that's why we need a new party, guys. Seriously, seriously, it's time. Don't you think?

1:07:27🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah.

1:07:28🔗 Drew And the, what's called the Bull Moose Party or the Corolla Party or something, a new party, that's all.

1:07:34🔗 Adam Steve?

1:07:34🔗 Caller Yeah, I got something for you real quick.

1:07:36🔗 Caller You gonna fart?

1:07:41🔗 Caller You get that?

1:07:42🔗 Adam Yeah, I heard that. Is that real?

1:07:44🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:07:44🔗 Adam Nice.

1:07:45🔗 Caller Kind of wet, though.

1:07:45🔗 Adam Right out of your ass, huh?

1:07:47🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:07:47🔗 Adam What are you living on, an airboat? What is that in the back? A fan?

1:07:52🔗 Caller Yeah, it is.

1:07:53🔗 Adam Oh, man. Are you white trash?

1:07:55🔗 Caller Yep. Trailer and everything.

1:07:56🔗 Adam You got that oscillating thing going a thousand miles an hour.

1:08:01🔗 Caller Yeah, it's one of those Home Depot fans.

1:08:02🔗 Adam Really?

1:08:03🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:08:03🔗 Adam You guys got a swamp cooler on top of that?

1:08:05🔗 Drew It's a trailer.

1:08:06🔗 Adam On the trailer?

1:08:07🔗 Caller No.

1:08:08🔗 Adam You don't even have a swamp cooler?

1:08:09🔗 Caller No.

1:08:10🔗 Adam You know what a swamp cooler is? It's like poor guy's air conditioning. Yeah, it drips on your head and makes noise, but other than that, it doesn't change the temperature at all. No. Do you seriously live in a trailer? No. Oh. All right, well, turn that fan down, would you?

1:08:25🔗 Caller Hey, hold on.

1:08:26🔗 Caller Thank you.

1:08:29🔗 Adam Wow. It's like the deck of a carrier of World War II. I'm picturing a guy with goggles and a flashlight going, Go! It's like Tora, Tora, Tora. All right, Steve, so what do you want?

1:08:44🔗 Caller Actually, the question is fake. I just wanted to thank you guys. I called in a couple of months ago. That guy wanted to kill me.

1:08:49🔗 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:08:51🔗 Adam For farting on him?

1:08:53🔗 Caller No, for singing North to Alaska.

1:08:55🔗 Adam That's right.

1:08:56🔗 Caller What?

1:08:57🔗 Adam North to Alaska, come on, the rush is on.

1:09:02🔗 Caller What?

1:09:03🔗 Caller You advised me to go ahead and go to school if he was in custody, Drew, and Adam told me to ditch.

1:09:08🔗 Adam Right, right. There was some guy popping around school that wanted to kick Steve's ass or something.

1:09:13🔗 Drew What happened?

1:09:15🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:09:15🔗 Drew You all right?

1:09:16🔗 Adam Yeah, I'm cool. No, he died three weeks ago. See the guy who said, he was the guy who sung North to Alaska though?

1:09:24🔗 Caller Yeah, the kid was asleep and he went up and he yelled it in his ear, Steve yelled North to Alaska.

1:09:28🔗 Adam Oh, that's right. North to Alaska, come on, the rush is on.

1:09:33🔗 Drew But he got real weird in middle class, remember? There's sort of no reason for it and he overreacted.

1:09:38🔗 Adam Right, I know. It's not a good enough story to really recount here. Yvonne?

1:09:42🔗 Caller Hello?

1:09:43🔗 Adam You're 22?

1:09:44🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:09:44🔗 Adam What's up?

1:09:45🔗 Caller Well, I've recently grown a visible dark hair on my upper lip and I've shaved it about two days ago and I've formed razor burn on my lip. I was just wondering how to get rid of it.

1:09:59🔗 Adam Yeah, well why'd you shave it? Why didn't you wax it?

1:10:03🔗 Caller I don't know.

1:10:04🔗 Caller I was faster.

1:10:05🔗 Caller Well, I had the supplies with me.

1:10:08🔗 Drew You know what? There's a medicine that's coming out within a week or two that is specifically designed as a cream that will take off facial hair on women.

1:10:16🔗 Adam Just facial hair?

1:10:18🔗 Drew Female facial hair growth. Yeah.

1:10:19🔗 Adam Why just facial?

1:10:23🔗 Drew There's something unique about that hair growth. I haven't been-

1:10:25🔗 Adam You just put it on topically?

1:10:27🔗 Drew Yeah. It's going to be extremely, extremely useful. So keep your eyes open for that, Yvonne. That's something that will take that away.

1:10:33🔗 Adam Is that prescription?

1:10:35🔗 Drew By prescription, yeah.

1:10:35🔗 Adam Why?

1:10:36🔗 Caller It's by prescription?

1:10:37🔗 Drew It will be. I don't know. I'll find out more about it.

1:10:39🔗 Adam Okay. Listen, it's time for my prescription drug speech one more time. What is the danger in topical medications being put over the counter?

1:10:52🔗 Drew Maybe there's some estrogen in it, and people with breast cancer need to be monitored, maybe thromboembolic disease.

1:10:57🔗 Adam I don't care. People can do anything. People can go to the store and buy a lighter fluid and sternone. They can drink that. They can buy tequila. They can buy guns. They can buy a crossbow. We can be trusted with all of this stuff. I mean, when you say in your sporting goods store, you could go, yeah, well, why can't you sell people crossbows? Well, because when we sell it to the guy, he may take ten paces, turn around, and put it right through the salesman's heart. Or he could walk outside and shoot a tire. Or he could shoot it into the air and kill a bald eagle. I mean, there's a thousand, he could rob a bank with it. There's a thousand scenarios, many more, many more scenarios under which you could not sell a crossbow to someone, right?

1:11:41🔗 Drew Right.

1:11:41🔗 Adam Many more than rubbing on something that was two percent retin-retin-A or something like that or some sort of topical medication, right? But yet, we live in a society where we trust people to be responsible enough to sell them crossbows and then they can go across street and buy a fifth of tequila. And we live in that society, right?

1:12:02🔗 Drew Right.

1:12:02🔗 Adam And go cross street, load on tequila, go into the Big Five, buy a crossbow. And then you can go across street and get some anal porn.

1:12:11🔗 Drew Okay?

1:12:12🔗 Adam And you can get drunk and you throw the anal porn in the air and try to shoot it with a crossbow across street from a school. And that's fine. But if there's, but the shampoo that kills crabs in your pubic hair, prescription. Only the crap that doesn't work is over the counter. The stuff that works, you gotta blow the doctor to get that. Why? Because you can't be trusted. With what? The shampoo that kills crabs? Where are you going with that shampoo? What is your sinister plan? What are you gonna drink it? And if you're gonna drink it, then what's to stop you from drinking? Drano and copier toner.

1:12:53🔗 Caller Okay.

1:12:54🔗 Adam So let's just trust or make everything illegal. If we can trust people to put gas in the car, not in their mouth. We can trust people not to just spread the gas all over the gas station, throw a cigarette down. We can trust people to do things like this every day. We trust people to drive in a car not to just swerve in oncoming traffic. Everything seems to work out okay. What's up with the drugs? What's up with the medications? What's up with the crib shampoo? How badly is someone going to injure themselves with this? And if they do, who cares? Because they would have drank in the copier toner by then anyway.

1:13:32🔗 Drew Right?

1:13:33🔗 Caller What is this?

1:13:35🔗 Adam Why? Why can't? And you know this chick, she doesn't have any money, she doesn't have a doctor, she doesn't have any resources. She's going to walk around looking like Raleigh Fingers with this mustache for the next 10 years. She's not going to be able to get this crap over the counter. Why not just put it over the counter?

1:13:51🔗 Caller All right.

1:13:53🔗 Adam That's what I say. I say money. I totally agree with that. Drew says no.

1:13:59🔗 Drew I don't know.

1:13:59🔗 Adam How dare you?

1:14:00🔗 Drew I don't know.

1:14:01🔗 Adam You should know. You make it your business to know. Find out. It's got to be money. I'll tell you what it is. It's two things, and they both lead to each other. Money and lawyers. And you might as well just say lawyers, because it's the same goddamn word now. But it's got to do with lawsuits, and it's got to do with money. And listen, it's not all these lawyers. These lawyers got to represent somebody. And a lot of people who they represent are UA holes out there with your frivolous lawsuits. And believe me, if I got in charge, you'd pay. You would pay dearly for that.

1:14:39🔗 Drew Their lawsuit and then the crossbow turned on you.

1:14:42🔗 Adam Listen, shut up, Anderson. I'm going to roll here.

1:14:46🔗 Drew All right, all right, all right.

1:14:48🔗 Adam Here's my lawsuit take, Drew. And you've heard it before, but it is what I will, it is a system I will install when I'm in power. Whatever it is you claim happened to you and we find out it didn't happen to you, that's what we do to you. No time in jail, no fine. You claim you got a bad back and you can't work and we see video tape of you on the rodeo circuit, we just bust you up.

1:15:13🔗 Drew We give you the bad back, yeah.

1:15:14🔗 Adam That's right. We turn you in.

1:15:16🔗 Drew If you want it so badly, we'll give it to you.

1:15:17🔗 Adam To the opposite of a liar.

1:15:18🔗 Drew All right.

1:15:19🔗 Adam Thank you. All right, we'll take a little break. We'll be back with Michelle. She's been married for eight years. She wants to know why she's craving women. She's 25. She's been married since she was 17. All right. After this.

1:15:31🔗 Caller Loveline, Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

1:16:15🔗 Adam Hey, Gainesville, this is Adam Corolla, and that's my partner, Dr. Drew. And you're listening to us on the hottest sports talk of Gainesville, 1430. You got it. Let's talk to our first fan on the air. Yeah, you want to find out what's going on with the magic this year?

1:16:34🔗 Caller Yes.

1:16:35🔗 Drew All right, Michelle, what's going on?

1:16:36🔗 Caller Hi, I don't know.

1:16:38🔗 I've been married for eight years, almost eight years, it's September. And I've been with women before, but lately, and I haven't been with them for a long time, but lately it's been really strong, like the drive to be with a woman.

1:16:53🔗 Adam You've been with women before you were married?

1:16:55🔗 No, after I was married. He knows. He knows about everything.

1:17:01🔗 Adam Why?

1:17:03🔗 Because he wanted me to.

1:17:04🔗 Drew He wanted you to be with a woman?

1:17:05🔗 Yes.

1:17:06🔗 Drew Because he thought that would be good for you to explore yourself or?

1:17:10🔗 It's because of my curiosity. I was like, I didn't like to watch it, but I was like, I don't know what it would be like to be with a woman. And then he said, well, why don't you try it?

1:17:19🔗 Drew Was he wondering the same thing?

1:17:20🔗 Huh?

1:17:21🔗 Drew Was he kind of wondering the same thing? What it would be like for him to be with another woman?

1:17:24🔗 Not for him. No, he wanted me. He wanted to watch.

1:17:26🔗 Adam I see. Did he get to do that?

1:17:28🔗 Yes.

1:17:29🔗 Caller Son of a bitch.

1:17:30🔗 Most of the time, almost all the time. And that's fine. I don't care that he's there and everything.

1:17:35🔗 Adam How many times did you do it?

1:17:37🔗 Have I been with a woman?

1:17:38🔗 Adam How many?

1:17:39🔗 Caller Yeah, okay.

1:17:40🔗 Um, about more than five times, maybe seven or eight times.

1:17:45🔗 Adam You got kids?

1:17:47🔗 Yes.

1:17:47🔗 Adam All right. How many?

1:17:49🔗 Three.

1:17:50🔗 Adam Oh, mama.

1:17:52🔗 Caller Oh, boy. All right.

1:17:55🔗 Adam So, all right.

1:17:56🔗 I haven't been with one for a long time. And I like it. It's not a need. I don't feel like it was a need at first.

1:18:02🔗 Adam Right.

1:18:03🔗 And but now it's like I have to. It's weird. And I don't know. I worry because I'm really happy with him. He pleases me a lot. It's just the woman thing. I have to have one.

1:18:14🔗 I don't know.

1:18:17🔗 Adam What's up with you?

1:18:18🔗 I don't know.

1:18:18🔗 Adam Where's your daddy?

1:18:20🔗 My daddy?

1:18:20🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:18:22🔗 Married to my mother.

1:18:23🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:18:24🔗 Still.

1:18:25🔗 Adam Really?

1:18:25🔗 Yes.

1:18:26🔗 Adam Well, alcoholic?

1:18:27🔗 25th.

1:18:29🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:18:29🔗 Drew There you go.

1:18:30🔗 Adam Was he an alcoholic?

1:18:32🔗 I think so.

1:18:33🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:18:33🔗 Drew Okay.

1:18:34🔗 Adam Ever do anything?

1:18:35🔗 He doesn't think so, but I think so.

1:18:36🔗 Adam Did he ever do anything to you?

1:18:38🔗 No. There was one time when I thought he was looking at me under my blanket, but I wasn't sure about all that. That was just one time.

1:18:45🔗 Adam Yeah. Anything ever happened to you before?

1:18:47🔗 I was raped.

1:18:48🔗 Drew How old were you?

1:18:49🔗 When I was 15. I was a virgin. Does that have anything to do with it?

1:18:54🔗 Adam It helps, but we're looking for something a little earlier.

1:18:57🔗 No. That was it.

1:18:58🔗 Adam Nothing?

1:18:59🔗 As far as I know, I was 15. I was sexually active before I was 15. I was oral sex and stuff, but there was no sex.

1:19:08🔗 Drew How old were you when that all started?

1:19:09🔗 Adam Nine.

1:19:10🔗 14.

1:19:12🔗 Adam Who raped you when you were 15?

1:19:13🔗 My boyfriend.

1:19:14🔗 Adam Oh, it doesn't count.

1:19:16🔗 Yeah.

1:19:16🔗 Adam You guys were dating.

1:19:18🔗 Caller What?

1:19:19🔗 Drew He's kidding. He's kidding.

1:19:21🔗 Adam Sort of, but not really.

1:19:22🔗 Drew Kidding.

1:19:22🔗 Adam All right.

1:19:23🔗 I don't like him. I hate him. Yeah.

1:19:25🔗 Adam Okay. All right. But your dad, what did your dad do for a living?

1:19:28🔗 What did he do? He's a piano technician.

1:19:31🔗 Adam I knew it.

1:19:32🔗 Caller What?

1:19:34🔗 How did you know that?

1:19:35🔗 Adam He tunes pianos?

1:19:37🔗 No. He puts in systems for pianos. It makes them play by themselves electronically. It's his own business.

1:19:45🔗 Drew Interesting.

1:19:46🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:19:47🔗 Drew Your husband or your-

1:19:48🔗 Adam I knew he worked with player pianos.

1:19:50🔗 My dad.

1:19:51🔗 Adam Yeah. What about your mom? How is she?

1:19:55🔗 How is she? She's the one most wonderful woman I've ever had.

1:19:58🔗 Adam So your dad did a little drinking?

1:20:00🔗 Well, my mom does too. She drinks wine, but it's not really basic.

1:20:04🔗 Adam Yeah. All right.

1:20:04🔗 Drew Did any of them ever hit you?

1:20:07🔗 My dad did, yeah.

1:20:09🔗 Adam All right. You got some daddy things.

1:20:12🔗 But why does that have to do with women? I don't understand.

1:20:14🔗 Adam Well, I think what you're doing now is you're acting out a little. And I think you're going to screw this relationship up. And I think you know it too. And listen, you're in a relationship. You have three kids. You've been married for seven years or eight years. And you're saying you're not saying I want to see a woman. You're saying I want to see someone else.

1:20:35🔗 A woman. No, I don't want to see another man.

1:20:37🔗 Drew Yeah, but you want to know.

1:20:38🔗 Adam But a woman is not your husband.

1:20:41🔗 Drew A person.

1:20:41🔗 Adam That's someone else.

1:20:43🔗 Yes.

1:20:44🔗 Adam And it's a convenient excuse to see somebody else, but that's somebody else.

1:20:50🔗 True.

1:20:50🔗 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:20:51🔗 Drew You should be looking for ways to create stability in your relationship, not destabilize you.

1:20:55🔗 Who said that, Drew?

1:20:56🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:20:57🔗 Adam You got three goddamn kids, you crazy broad. Why don't you start acting like a mother?

1:21:01🔗 I do act like a mother. I'm not, I haven't been with one for like two and a half years.

1:21:06🔗 Adam All right, how old are your kids?

1:21:07🔗 I've been my mother for so long.

1:21:09🔗 Adam How old are your kids?

1:21:10🔗 Seven, six, and two.

1:21:12🔗 Adam All right, so they're all around except for the two-year-old. She was in you while this other chick was on you. Oh, boy, that's, oh, man. Hey, listen.

1:21:24🔗 Drew That's screwed up square.

1:21:25🔗 Adam Listen, stop screwing your kids up. Settle down.

1:21:28🔗 They're not with me though.

1:21:29🔗 Adam Yeah, believe me. Let me tell you something. They're not with you while you're going down on another chick, but they're there when you get home.

1:21:37🔗 Caller But it isn't when they're home.

1:21:38🔗 It's when they're asleep. It's when they're asleep.

1:21:40🔗 Adam Yeah, who cares? They got a screwed up mom. They're awake.

1:21:44🔗 Drew Who's creating instability? Who's creating chaos?

1:21:47🔗 Adam Oh. Yeah, stop it.

1:21:49🔗 Can I have both?

1:21:50🔗 Adam No. You're going to screw your kids up worse than your parents screwed you up.

1:21:56🔗 Drew Your husband doesn't beat your kids, does he?

1:21:58🔗 No.

1:21:59🔗 Adam Is he not a violent guy?

1:22:00🔗 Drew Do you hit your kids?

1:22:02🔗 Never.

1:22:02🔗 Drew You don't hit your kids?

1:22:04🔗 I spank their butt if they get in trouble, but that's not beating.

1:22:07🔗 Adam Hold on.

1:22:08🔗 I don't beat them.

1:22:09🔗 Caller No.

1:22:10🔗 Adam All right. We got to start building more prisons. I got to go.

1:22:13🔗 Drew All right? It's not legal for you to hit your children. Do you understand that?

1:22:17🔗 Caller It's not legal for you to hit your kids.

1:22:19🔗 Drew Let's just make this clear. It's not legal to hit your kids.

1:22:22🔗 Adam Who cares?

1:22:22🔗 Drew Wait a minute.

1:22:24🔗 We would never do anybody no harm.

1:22:26🔗 Drew I beg your pardon. We talk to people all night long, and you're one of them. It sets you up as a victim.

1:22:33🔗 Adam Your dad did a little beating on you, right?

1:22:36🔗 Yeah, but not like that. He hit me worse than I had ever hit my kids, ever. I never hit my kids like he hit me.

1:22:42🔗 Drew There are degrees.

1:22:43🔗 Adam I understand, but it's not a coincidence that your dad did a little beating on you, and you're doing a little beating on your kids. You don't think that's a coincidence?

1:22:53🔗 No, because he used to hit me, throw me into the closet, and pinch me. That was not usual beating.

1:23:00🔗 Adam Don't use the S word. Hey, listen, Michelle. Hey, listen to me. Listen, I'm a genius, right?

1:23:08🔗 I don't know about that one.

1:23:09🔗 Adam Listen to me. You got some problems, honey. And the fact that you got three kids means I got problems now. Do you understand? Get some therapy. Stop acting out.

1:23:23🔗 Drew Just stop acting out.

1:23:24🔗 Adam Get some therapy. Listen, her dad was like grabbing her boob and swatting on her and drinking. It's starting to get more and more.

1:23:30🔗 Drew Well, they might look at some Al-Anon or ACA, Adult Children of Alcoholics.

1:23:34🔗 Adam Stop acting out. You have three kids.

1:23:37🔗 Like, I should get counseling or something.

1:23:39🔗 Drew Go to Al-Anon. Go to ACA.

1:23:40🔗 Adam Do what you got to do, but don't act out. You got three kids. You hear me? Yes. Okay. Jesus Christ. Listen, I don't care if people want to do what they want to do. Go down on chicks all day long, cheat on your husband, do whatever you want. Stop screwing up your kids. Because my whole thing is I'm just selfish. I don't care what you do to yourself. Eat pubic hair sandwiches and go down as many chicks as you can possibly. Well, you can kill two birds with one stone. Go down on chicks and just mow through them like a toro mower. Eat every pube on that. Am I allowed to say twat? Yes? No.

1:24:20🔗 Drew Oh, my God. Where is this show going?

1:24:22🔗 Adam Okay. My point is do that, but stop effing up your kids. Because I got to deal with your kids. You understand? I got to pay for your kids when they can't find jobs. I got to pay the guards that are going to be at the prisons where they live. I got to pay for the cops that are going to be on the beat where they're at. I got to pay for the public defenders that are going to offend them. I got to pay for all the crap that you do to those kids. I pay for it. When I say I, I mean me, just me solely. I actually pay for this caller's children. I'd really like to just be assigned kids. I looked at my goddamn tax statement the other day. I think I paid like 500 grand in taxes last year. 500 grand at least in taxes. Here's how I'd like to do it. I'd just like to be assigned kids. How many kids could 500 grand get me? Just assign me your kids, even your adult children, the ones that are on welfare, the ones that are in prisons, the ones that are acting out, the ones where rehab aren't taking, and I'll pay for them.

1:25:28🔗 Drew He wants to groom this child for his, you know, abuse farm.

1:25:31🔗 Adam Jesus Christ. And listen, those of you out there who don't think I should get any special treatment for the 500 grand I put in, kiss my hairy ass. I want my own police force. Do you hear me? And my own garbage man. So I can abuse him. Please. Everyone tells me to stop saying that. I don't give a rat's ass. I believe it. And listen, here's the deal. You want your own police force, your own garbage man? You pay 500 grand. Until then, you shut up and kiss my ass. All right. Let's help some kids, true. What do you say? Enough of you yelling at mommas.

1:26:50🔗 Drew Are we gonna really gonna remember Shawna and her armpit hair sandwich?

1:26:54🔗 Caller You will.

1:26:55🔗 Drew And then her-

1:26:55🔗 Adam I'm gonna go home, smoke pot, and forget all about it.

1:26:57🔗 Drew And then her pumpernickel and what's she call it?

1:27:02🔗 Adam She called it ass grass with a side of brown gravy, I think. Joe?

1:27:09🔗 Yeah.

1:27:09🔗 Adam You're 15? What's up?

1:27:12🔗 Well, first of all, that girl's disgusting.

1:27:14🔗 Adam Thank you.

1:27:14🔗 Drew Which one? We've talked to several tonight.

1:27:18🔗 Caller I have undescended testicles.

1:27:20🔗 And I'm wondering if I can still, well, come.

1:27:25🔗 Drew Has anyone taken them down yet? Yes. You've had the surgery?

1:27:28🔗 Yeah, when I was in second grade.

1:27:31🔗 Drew So they're now down in your testes, in the scrotum?

1:27:33🔗 Adam Yeah, you're fine.

1:27:34🔗 Drew You're fine. You should be normal.

1:27:36🔗 Well, because I'm 15, and I still can't.

1:27:39🔗 Adam Yeah, I was a late bloomer myself.

1:27:41🔗 Drew There can be some delay in puberty, and the testicular function can be altered by this, but usually if you get them down there in time, it's nothing.

1:27:50🔗 Okay.

1:27:51🔗 Drew So you ought to talk to the pediatrician about it, but I bet it's no big deal. All right?

1:27:54🔗 All right.

1:27:55🔗 Adam You'll be fine. You'll be going off like Old Faithful in just a matter of months.

1:27:59🔗 It will stay.

1:28:01🔗 Caller Okay, so you ought to talk to the pediatrician about it, but I bet it's no big deal.

1:28:05🔗 All right?

1:28:05🔗 Caller Oh, they're talking even.

1:28:06🔗 Adam You'll be going off like Old Faithful.

1:28:09🔗 Caller Okay, I'm going to go on because they're talking even, even, no, things and.

1:28:14🔗 Adam Hey, Gail?

1:28:14🔗 Yes?

1:28:15🔗 Adam Can you turn your radio down?

1:28:17🔗 I did turn my radio down.

1:28:18🔗 Adam Wow, you had that radio up, baby.

1:28:20🔗 I know I did.

1:28:21🔗 Adam You're 35.

1:28:22🔗 Caller I've been waiting a long time to talk to you.

1:28:24🔗 Adam Yeah, it says here you haven't had sex in 12 years.

1:28:26🔗 Caller 12 years, I got a 12 year old daughter.

1:28:28🔗 Adam Thank God you're patient.

1:28:30🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:28:30🔗 Adam You have a 12 year old daughter. Wow.

1:28:32🔗 Caller 12 year old daughter, yes.

1:28:33🔗 Drew That would be almost 13 years since you had sex, huh?

1:28:36🔗 Caller Right?

1:28:37🔗 Guest Yeah.

1:28:37🔗 Adam She was the last time you had sex?

1:28:39🔗 Guest Yes.

1:28:40🔗 Adam Wow, it's got to be weird to have a sort of physical manifestation of the last time you had sex roaming around with braces on. I'd kill her.

1:28:48🔗 Caller You'd kill me?

1:28:49🔗 Adam I would consider her bad luck.

1:28:51🔗 Guest Oh, I see.

1:28:51🔗 Adam The daughter. Like if I had like a 10 year old running around. Yeah, I'd probably just come home drunk one day and strangle my kids.

1:28:59🔗 Caller She's never seen me with a man but her father. And that was like years ago.

1:29:03🔗 Adam I see.

1:29:03🔗 Caller I mean, she's never seen me kiss a man.

1:29:06🔗 Drew Why is that? Why haven't you been with a man?

1:29:09🔗 Adam Why has it been so many years, Gail?

1:29:11🔗 Caller Well, I don't know. I just been married twice and her father was a jerk. And I moved up to a by by here by Sacramento. And I've just spent all my time in investing in raising her being a single parent's difficult.

1:29:25🔗 Drew That's true. But usually the older woman that's had it with the second marriage will find a nice, willing 19 year old.

1:29:32🔗 Caller No, yeah, yeah, 40. I'm 40. But I mean, look, I told you I was 35. But really, I'm 40. Yeah, 19 year olds. They look nice. But it's just that things just not there. You know what I mean? I have a lot of guy friends.

1:29:45🔗 Drew No mojo.

1:29:46🔗 Caller It's like I feel like I'm sewed up down there or something. Like it's just gone. Is that possible?

1:29:53🔗 Drew We don't necessarily think it's a bad thing.

1:29:55🔗 Caller You don't.

1:29:55🔗 Adam No. What do you do for a living?

1:29:57🔗 Caller Well, I was a teacher, but I went off on stress leave. I'm trying to find a different kind of a job. But I was a teacher for about seven years. What I do now? Nothing.

1:30:10🔗 Adam Gail?

1:30:11🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:30:12🔗 Adam You're a little bit nutty?

1:30:13🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm a little bit nutty.

1:30:14🔗 Adam What's up?

1:30:16🔗 Drew Bipolar?

1:30:17🔗 Caller No. How do you know that? I'm ADHD and I have an anxiety disorder really bad.

1:30:23🔗 Drew They never called you bipolar though?

1:30:24🔗 Caller No, but I know what that is. Manic, depressant kind of thing.

1:30:29🔗 Adam Yeah, you seem like it.

1:30:31🔗 Caller Wow.

1:30:32🔗 Adam All right, well how about taking care of some of that stuff?

1:30:34🔗 Caller Well, I do. I'm on medication and I...

1:30:36🔗 Adam Okay.

1:30:37🔗 Drew What are you taking? What are your medicines?

1:30:39🔗 Caller Cylert for my ADHD and Serizone for my anxiety disorder.

1:30:44🔗 Drew Okay.

1:30:45🔗 Caller I've only been 10 months, you know, off work and I'm kind of like a guinea pig, you know?

1:30:49🔗 Drew Why do you mean a guinea pig?

1:30:50🔗 Caller Well, you know, when you go through a mental health program, it takes a while to see if the drugs are going to work on you.

1:30:57🔗 Drew All right. That's not about being a guinea pig. That's about following a clinical treatment plan.

1:31:02🔗 Adam All right. So, hey, Gail, here's your plan. Okay. Get yourself back on your feet emotionally and do your counseling, you take your medication.

1:31:11🔗 Drew Wait, let's give her some props here.

1:31:13🔗 Adam I am. Yeah.

1:31:14🔗 Drew Because she's been focused on the daughter. She's doing exactly what you want our listeners to do.

1:31:18🔗 Adam Good girl. Yes. All hail Gail.

1:31:20🔗 Drew Yes. Gail is a shiny example of what we're asking for here.

1:31:24🔗 Adam Well, not a shiny. OK. Fantastic, Gail. Keep on the meds, baby. Stay with the counseling. Get the job back. Get your head together and find yourself a man.

1:31:36🔗 Caller Find myself a man.

1:31:37🔗 Adam All right, but in that order.

1:31:38🔗 Caller Yeah, because I'm going to be awful lonely when she grows up and I'm going to fall out.

1:31:41🔗 Adam That's right.

1:31:42🔗 Drew Yeah, but she'll appreciate what you've done for her.

1:31:45🔗 Adam You'll have to get a toy poodle. Kim?

1:31:48🔗 Drew Kim?

1:31:49🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:31:49🔗 Adam Oh, boy.

1:31:50🔗 Caller Hi.

1:31:51🔗 Adam It's got to be weird knowing your mom's. Drew, how old were you when you knew your mom was crazy? Be honest. I knew my mom was nuts. I did not know. I know my mom was crazy when I was, I'd say by like eight or nine, I knew she was an unfit parent. And then by, I think by 11 or 12 is when I knew she was nuts. I think when she used to lock herself in the room and yell, freak out. I was like, hey mom, get it together. I was like, it's weird when you're 11 and you're saying your mom, hey, pull it together. What did you mean?

1:32:22🔗 Drew See, my mom was not crazy.

1:32:23🔗 Adam Your mom's what's crazy?

1:32:24🔗 Drew Not crazy.

1:32:25🔗 Adam She's not, not crazy. So that makes her crazy.

1:32:27🔗 Drew So Kim, what's the deal?

1:32:28🔗 Adam Drew, stop fiddling with that paper. You get very nervous when I talk about your mother.

1:32:32🔗 Guest Yeah?

1:32:34🔗 Caller I have really, really light nipples. Like they're almost, you can't even see them.

1:32:38🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:32:39🔗 Caller It's like an endless boob.

1:32:41🔗 Adam Nice.

1:32:42🔗 Caller It's not nice.

1:32:43🔗 Adam That's going to be the name of my documentary.

1:32:45🔗 Caller Oh, thank you.

1:32:45🔗 Drew Adam likes that.

1:32:46🔗 Caller Yeah?

1:32:47🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:32:48🔗 Caller Well, my boyfriend doesn't.

1:32:49🔗 Caller He's complaining.

1:32:50🔗 Adam Well, what color are you?

1:32:53🔗 Drew He is a world class.

1:32:54🔗 Caller I'm Canadian.

1:32:55🔗 Adam You're Canadian. Are you light skinned?

1:32:56🔗 Caller I'm very light.

1:32:57🔗 Adam Yeah, that happens sometimes in the light skinned gals.

1:32:59🔗 Drew Like there's something she can do about it. It's normal for some people. Yes, absolutely.

1:33:03🔗 Guest Because I don't know.

1:33:04🔗 Caller I feel awkward.

1:33:05🔗 Drew I do origami while I'm sitting here. What's the big deal?

1:33:07🔗 Adam Because I can hear it. Drew, you're, okay. Hey, Kim? Yeah. That's fine. Okay. There's no problem with that. Why don't you take a little, I don't know, shoe polish or a magic marker or something.

1:33:19🔗 Drew No, he's a, your boyfriend's an idiot.

1:33:20🔗 Adam You know, hey, how big are they?

1:33:23🔗 Caller Um, my boobs or my nipples?

1:33:25🔗 Adam No, no, no. Let's start with the boobs.

1:33:27🔗 Caller A D. Yeah.

1:33:29🔗 Adam Nice. And how big is the rest of you?

1:33:33🔗 Caller Um, like what do you mean?

1:33:36🔗 Caller Like my nipples or my height?

1:33:38🔗 Adam I mean, they're gonna height, your weight, that kind of...

1:33:39🔗 Drew I'll roll back to the nipple with this for you.

1:33:41🔗 Caller I'm five feet tall.

1:33:42🔗 Caller I'm 112 pounds.

1:33:44🔗 Adam Nice. With the big D-rack on you. Very good. Your boyfriend should not be complaining. I'll punch him in the gut next time I see you. All right. And listen, you know what you do? You know those trashy Cholo chicks take those liners and go around their lips with them. They make that sort of like mouth around their lips. You just outline your nipples so we can find them. What is that with those crazy white? It's either white trash chicks or it's sort of the Cholo chicks and Mexican chicks. They draw that outline.

1:34:15🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:34:15🔗 Adam Oh, the Cholas. All right. Cholas.

1:34:17🔗 Drew Big fat, big fat out like a big, like a clown. Right.

1:34:21🔗 Adam Well, it ends up having the same effect. But it's a weird look. It's like someone drew a mouth outside of their mouth. What the hell is that? Listen, you crazy broads with the false eyelashes and the dark blue eyeshadow and the long nails with the unicorns painted on them and stuff. Let me, a quick tip. Guys don't like that. They don't. Only stupid guys like that.

1:34:43🔗 Drew No, no.

1:34:44🔗 Adam Thank you.

1:34:44🔗 Drew We're done.

1:34:45🔗 Adam Quiet. Alana?

1:34:46🔗 Caller The unicorn is painted on them.

1:34:48🔗 Adam Oh, turn that down. Would you please?

1:34:50🔗 Caller Hello?

1:34:50🔗 Adam Turn it down. Yes. You masturbate with fruit.

1:34:53🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:34:54🔗 Adam What kind of fruit?

1:34:56🔗 Caller I started with cucumbers because they weren't that big. But now I just like try it with bananas and I like doing it with carrots too. But carrots are too skinny but it's good because I can be on top.

1:35:10🔗 Adam Okay, baby. Hold on. Oh, God. There's another one on Loveline logic. I started with cucumbers because they weren't too big, and then I graduated to bananas and carrots. Two things that are smaller than cucumbers. How does that work with our callers? How do they get so dumb? All right, we'll be back.

1:35:35🔗 Caller Loveline, I'll be right back.

1:36:05🔗 Drew How long did it take?

1:36:06🔗 Adam Not that long.

1:36:08🔗 Caller It took like half an hour.

1:36:09🔗 Wow.

1:36:11🔗 Adam Yeah, just talking about putting a ridge beam in place with Drew and how excited I am.

1:36:18🔗 Drew Don't admit that.

1:36:18🔗 Adam I can't help it. All right, we're gonna take a little break here. About 22 hours. Thank you very much for tuning in tonight, and we'll be back tomorrow night with more fabulous shows. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:36:32🔗 Drew Can we get high?

1:36:34🔗 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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