Tuesday, July 25, 2000

1:42🔗 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:53🔗 Adam Now, we are off to a very, very rocky start, kiddies. Drew just broke some horrendous wind inside the studio. Taste that one. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 3108-54-4455. Dr. Drew is a board-certified physician and addiction medicine specialist, although what he just did goes against God, nature, and the Hippocratic Oath. He just broke something foul in here and maybe I shouldn't have started it because I walked in to the studio about three months ago and let one rip right by Drew's head and Drew said there will be retaliation and now I know.

2:35🔗 Drew Am I 14 again or what? Is that what happens here?

2:38🔗 Adam I'll tell you, did some serious damage and it was pretty funny because a phone screener Danielle about 45 seconds ago tried to come in here. She started to open the door. Drew just held it open a crack and talked to her through the door very discreetly. I'm not sure if she knew what was going on. I'm not sure she wanted to know.

2:56🔗 Drew Mario Van Peeples will be here tomorrow night. That's the message.

2:57🔗 Adam That's what she said. She had to write it on a piece of Steno paper and slide it under the door because Drew was not going to let any of that fart out or share it with any of the elderly children or women, I think would be completely taken over by that gas. Don't mess with Drew and his ass. Let me tell you something. He is a very powerful man. He deals with people that fart on him like the Israelis deal with hostages. No negotiation. They just come in guns a blazing. I can't believe that I'm being offended by someone else's fart. Yeah. Oh, yeah. All right, Drew, hey.

3:38🔗 Drew Let's get going.

3:39🔗 Adam I know. But I just want to apologize for what happened earlier.

3:42🔗 Drew OK.

3:42🔗 Adam You know what I mean? No hard feelings. We're cool because I don't have anything left in the tank. My banana clip is out of bullets. You understand?

3:51🔗 Yeah.

3:52🔗 Adam OK.

3:53🔗 All right.

3:55🔗 Adam Jennifer.

3:57🔗 Guest Yes.

3:57🔗 Adam You're 29.

3:58🔗 Guest Yes.

3:59🔗 What's up?

4:00🔗 Guest I recently started having orgasms about six months ago. That's great. I just have a hard time staying wet. We try KY. I have a girlfriend who has an insatiable husband like my boyfriend, and they don't ever have a problem. So I don't know if I'm dehydrated. Do I need to drink more water?

4:19🔗 Drew At what point do you lose your lubrication?

4:23🔗 Adam Hour 14.

4:23🔗 Drew Right.

4:25🔗 Guest Sometimes it can be right away. I'm turned on, so he's worried that I'm not turned on, and that's not at all.

4:32🔗 Drew Are you on the pill or Depo-Provera shot?

4:34🔗 Guest No.

4:34🔗 Drew Nothing like that?

4:35🔗 Guest No. I'm supposed to go in to either get an IUD or a diaphragm. We're kind of debating on what to get.

4:41🔗 Adam How did you finally get your orgasm in the last six months?

4:44🔗 Guest I got divorced. I've never had one till now.

4:49🔗 Adam You got the right man.

4:50🔗 Guest I guess.

4:51🔗 Adam Oral sex?

4:53🔗 Guest I can both, even in the course. Yeah. I'm a machine. I can go 30 times a night.

4:59🔗 Adam When it rains, it pours.

5:02🔗 Drew And couldn't before at all?

5:03🔗 Guest No.

5:04🔗 Adam Oh, boy. I hope that guy's not listening. Your ex-husband is going to kill himself. It's great. Some women will get hooked up with the wrong guy for years and just think, hey, is that all there is?

5:16🔗 Guest No. I've had other men before. I'm 29. I was only married for five years. I just didn't think I would have one. I thought, well, I like sex. It feels good. I've never been a non-sexual person. I wasn't approved.

5:29🔗 Adam So you're drying up immediately sometimes now.

5:31🔗 Guest Yeah. And if we do use some kind of KY or something, even that gets so sticky when the air hits it. It's like if we don't go right away, it's dry.

5:45🔗 Drew What are you using for birth control?

5:47🔗 Guest Right now, we're just using a kitty litter.

5:49🔗 Drew Using what?

5:49🔗 Guest Condoms right now. He just came over here from Australia. So we've only been together six months.

5:54🔗 Drew Is he using lubricated condoms?

5:56🔗 Yeah.

5:57🔗 Adam Yeah. What about the lubrication with the condoms?

6:00🔗 Guest Try that.

6:01🔗 Adam No, I know. What I'm saying is, Drew, though, is I know condoms can have a little bit of a drying. Tennis shoe on a basketball floor kind of thing going on.

6:11🔗 Drew Right.

6:11🔗 Adam A little squeak going on. But if you use lubrication, then how different is it? I know it's better, but was it different than not having a condom on and using the lubrication?

6:22🔗 Drew I don't know that.

6:23🔗 Guest I mean, we have done it without a condom.

6:26🔗 Adam And lubrication?

6:28🔗 Guest Yep.

6:29🔗 Adam And that still didn't work out, huh?

6:30🔗 Guest Right. And now it's getting to the point where sometimes it rubs me raw almost.

6:34🔗 Adam And you really think you're excited, huh?

6:37🔗 Guest Oh, yeah.

6:37🔗 Drew How often are you doing this?

6:39🔗 Guest We have sex quite often, probably twice, maybe three times a day.

6:44🔗 Drew Okay. Maybe it's just more than your body can handle.

6:46🔗 Guest Yeah.

6:47🔗 Drew And maybe it's irritated and flamed and just not wanting to work because you've done too much.

6:51🔗 Guest Well, I might give it a rest, but see, now I hadn't because I was having my menstrual cycle and the first day, you know, so it had been quite a while. And even that first day of after having a break, it's just like I dry out so fast.

7:04🔗 Adam Honey, you're wearing your sex parts out. Yeah. Give it a little break. Continue with the lube. I don't know. Talk to the gyno.

7:12🔗 Yeah.

7:13🔗 Adam Though women, I've noticed a direct correlation between stimulation and moisture.

7:19🔗 Yes.

7:20🔗 Adam And that seems to be the only correlation.

7:24🔗 Right.

7:24🔗 Adam And even if they say, well, I'm in the mood or I'm horny or I'm excited or I'm in love with you, sometimes it's just ain't happening.

7:32🔗 Right.

7:33🔗 Adam And women can do that. Is there ever a time when it's not connected?

7:39🔗 Drew That's the question.

7:40🔗 Adam Because the plumbing is hooked up.

7:42🔗 Drew Yeah.

7:42🔗 Adam They did it two days before.

7:44🔗 Drew Sometimes the pill and the depo provera shots will dry things out pretty well, but not someone who's otherwise been well.

7:51🔗 Adam Isn't it true sometimes women are like, I'm into it, but your vagina is like going, no, we're not.

7:56🔗 Drew Right.

7:56🔗 Adam No, we ain't going.

7:57🔗 Drew Right.

7:57🔗 Adam This ain't happening.

7:58🔗 Drew Right.

8:01🔗 Adam So we gave her no answer. Sarah?

8:03🔗 Yes.

8:03🔗 Adam You're 21?

8:04🔗 Caller Yes.

8:04🔗 Adam What's up?

8:05🔗 Caller Well, I have a question for Dr. Drew, but I wanted to tell you, Adam, that Jacuzzi makes a shower with a built-in TV and VCR.

8:14🔗 Drew Jacuzzi does?

8:15🔗 Caller Yes.

8:16🔗 Adam Really? That you can put in your shower?

8:19🔗 Caller It's already built-in. It's in the whole stall and everything.

8:22🔗 Drew The shower that's already set up with the TV. It's like a console and shower together.

8:28🔗 Adam Is it in a Jacuzzi or is it a shower?

8:31🔗 Caller Well, it's like a built-in Jacuzzi shower and tub.

8:37🔗 Drew Nice.

8:39🔗 Adam Is the Jacuzzi the tub?

8:41🔗 Caller Well, it's got a Jacuzzi tub, but it also has a built-in shower.

8:44🔗 Adam Yes, the Jacuzzi is the tub, right?

8:47🔗 Caller Well, yeah.

8:48🔗 Adam What? We have the parade of tards. That's what we're going to change the show. Who knows? All right, so they make a whole unit.

8:59🔗 Caller Yeah, with a built-in TV.

9:02🔗 Adam I don't know what she's talking about.

9:03🔗 Drew Okay. Anyway, your question.

9:05🔗 Caller Okay. My question is, me and my boyfriend have been trying to get pregnant, and he thinks it's because his father having Agent Orange that we can't get pregnant.

9:17🔗 Drew So sons of fathers exposed to Agent Orange somehow have fertility problems?

9:22🔗 Caller Yeah.

9:22🔗 Drew I don't know that that's true.

9:24🔗 Adam Never heard that.

9:25🔗 Drew I know. I've heard of men exposed to Agent Orange themselves having low sperm count, that sort of thing. But I've never heard of that happening to their sons.

9:33🔗 Caller Okay.

9:33🔗 Drew How are you trying to get pregnant?

9:35🔗 Caller I mean-

9:35🔗 Adam Anal sex.

9:36🔗 Drew Exactly.

9:38🔗 Caller No, we've been having unprotected sex for almost two years.

9:42🔗 Adam Honey, you're 21. What's the hurry?

9:44🔗 Drew You're not married.

9:46🔗 Caller We're getting married next year.

9:48🔗 Drew Why don't we wait till then and see a fertility person and get evaluated. I'm sure that things can be done to help you. You don't even know, you don't have any idea where the issue is, if any.

9:58🔗 Adam I know. And listen, you folks who are speculating about your sperm count because your dad spent a couple tours in NAMM, you shouldn't be having kids. It takes a certain degree of intelligence to have kids. You really should, you know what I mean? It takes a certain amount of sort of horse sense. You should be able to raise them. You should know what to do with them, how to counsel them, how to take care of them. This ain't the right guy to be a dad. Give it a few years, please. I'm glad they can't get pregnant. Travis?

10:31🔗 Yeah.

10:31🔗 Adam You're 24.

10:32🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm 24. A few weeks ago, I had sex with my girlfriend and she was a virgin. And I expected it to hurt for the first time. And it's been about three weeks now. We've had sex about around ten times and it's still hurting her. So I was curious if that's normal or not.

10:48🔗 Drew At what point does it hurt?

10:51🔗 Caller The whole time. She says it's like it hurts in her lower stomach, not area.

10:57🔗 Drew That would not be normal, right, Travis?

10:59🔗 Caller I don't think so, but...

11:02🔗 Adam So it's up in her.

11:03🔗 Drew Like deep inside, right?

11:04🔗 Caller Yeah, deep inside.

11:06🔗 Drew Has she ever had a pelvic exam?

11:08🔗 Caller I don't think so.

11:09🔗 Drew How old is she?

11:10🔗 Caller She's 20.

11:11🔗 Drew 20. It's a little late to be starting all that, right? She should have had a pelvic exam well before that.

11:17🔗 Caller Yeah, that's what I thought, but...

11:18🔗 Drew Let's get her in and see what's going on.

11:20🔗 Adam She got some kind of weird religion cooking?

11:23🔗 Caller Weird religion?

11:24🔗 Adam What is she?

11:26🔗 Caller She's Puerto Rican.

11:29🔗 Adam So is she Catholic?

11:31🔗 Caller She's Catholic, yeah.

11:32🔗 Adam She's a virgin at 20?

11:34🔗 Caller Virgin, yes.

11:35🔗 Adam World's oldest Puerto Rican virgin, 20 years old. They should have wrecked a monument to her in order to go to Puerto Rico.

11:41🔗 Drew But remember what our virgin collars tend to do in order to maintain that.

11:44🔗 Adam What's up with her? Is she screwed up?

11:46🔗 Caller No, she's like the only decent one down here.

11:49🔗 Adam What happened to her?

11:51🔗 Drew Down where?

11:52🔗 Caller Down here in Puerto Rico.

11:53🔗 Drew How the hell is that?

11:55🔗 Adam Are you in Puerto Rico?

11:56🔗 Caller Yes, I'm in the Navy down here.

11:58🔗 Adam How do you get this show in Puerto Rico?

12:01🔗 Caller By over the internet.

12:02🔗 Adam Wow, I mean Puerto Rico.

12:05🔗 Caller Puerto Rico, yeah.

12:07🔗 Adam Really, so she's a virgin at 20.

12:10🔗 Caller Yeah, she grew up in a strict family and it took me like six months, a long time, a lot of effort.

12:17🔗 Adam Sure, and a whole week's worth of roofies. All right, Travis. Well, listen, she's got to go. Do they have doctors in Puerto Rico?

12:28🔗 Caller Yeah, I don't know how good of them, how good they are.

12:31🔗 Drew No, it's good down there, but think about how he worked on it. It was a project, got to undo this virginity thing.

12:37🔗 Adam Sure, sure.

12:38🔗 Drew That's how guys think about that.

12:40🔗 Adam Rubik's vagina.

12:41🔗 Yeah.

12:42🔗 Adam I take her to the doctor and have her checked out, right?

12:44🔗 Drew There's many different possibilities.

12:46🔗 God knows what's going on over there.

12:48🔗 Adam Pepe?

12:49🔗 Caller Hey, what's up, guys?

12:50🔗 Adam Hey, you're 19.

12:52🔗 Caller What's up? How you guys doing?

12:53🔗 Caller Hey, Adam, congratulations on the pristine penis, man.

12:56🔗 Adam Thank you. Thank you very much.

12:57🔗 Caller Wow.

12:58🔗 Caller I haven't tried that on me yet.

13:00🔗 Caller I called last time.

13:01🔗 Caller I wanted to do a home thing.

13:04🔗 Adam Right, right. You wanted to check your penis at home? Yeah. Yeah.

13:09🔗 Caller But still, I haven't gotten to it. I also want you guys to know that I have sex with my girlfriend every night when I'm listening to you guys.

13:15🔗 Adam Thank you. I feel like I'm there.

13:17🔗 Caller No problem, man. No problem. But lately, my sex drive's gone down, like downhill. I just, if it were up to me, I'd want to have sex every other day or every two days.

13:30🔗 Adam Well, only 15 times a month?

13:32🔗 Caller Jeez, I don't know what's up. Because before, it was like three times a day.

13:36🔗 Adam Yeah. How long have you been with this girl?

13:39🔗 Caller Like a year and two months.

13:40🔗 Adam Yeah. It can do that. That can happen.

13:43🔗 Drew You're hitting more human stride.

13:46🔗 Caller But aren't I like in my prime or something?

13:48🔗 Drew Yeah. Even in your prime, every other day is fine.

13:51🔗 Caller All right.

13:51🔗 Drew Are you on medication?

13:53🔗 Caller No. Well, asthma stuff. I don't think that will bug me.

13:56🔗 Drew What do you got? What are you taking?

13:57🔗 Asthma Core, Provento, Claritin, and that's pretty much it.

14:01🔗 Drew You're taking Claritin D?

14:04🔗 Caller The tiny pills. It's not D.

14:05🔗 Drew And anything else? Any Prednisone or the Offlands or anything of that sort?

14:10🔗 Caller That's pretty much it, Drew.

14:11🔗 Drew Singulair?

14:12🔗 Caller No.

14:12🔗 Just those three.

14:14🔗 Caller And I take allergy shots.

14:15🔗 Drew The Provento might be doing a little something, so watch out for that.

14:19🔗 Adam Yeah, but listen, here's what... When you meet somebody, especially when you're 19 and you've been starved of sex for many, many years, you have sex three times a day because it's new. But that's not your normal cadence. That's unrealistic. And then it drops off after a few months, and you think, boy, what a big drop. We used to do it three, four times a day. Now we're down to six times a week. But that down to six times a week...

14:45🔗 Drew Back to normal.

14:46🔗 Adam That's the average.

14:47🔗 Drew Let's just back to what it should be. Forget averages. Whatever your biology...

14:53🔗 Adam Whatever it is going to be if you hadn't just met the girl.

14:57🔗 Drew Exactly.

14:58🔗 Adam Thank you. Desiree?

15:01🔗 Yeah?

15:01🔗 Adam You're 15?

15:02🔗 Caller Yeah.

15:03🔗 Adam What's up?

15:05🔗 Okay.

15:06🔗 Caller When I get next to guys, when I get near guys and I start talking to them, I get really shaky and sometimes I turn red and I get really nervous. It also happens when I meet new people.

15:23🔗 Caller Yeah.

15:25🔗 Drew It could be social phobia. There is such a thing. But at 15, some of that is really the normal part of learning how to navigate and negotiate these kinds of circumstances.

15:35🔗 Adam Do you have friends?

15:36🔗 Yeah.

15:37🔗 Adam Hey, can you stop fidgeting with the phone, please?

15:39🔗 Drew She's nervous.

15:41🔗 Adam I know, but knock it off. You okay there?

15:44🔗 Yeah.

15:44🔗 Adam What are you doing with that phone?

15:46🔗 Nothing.

15:46🔗 Adam All right. Don't move.

15:48🔗 Okay.

15:48🔗 Adam Thank you. I'm just checking if she's moving. All right. You have friends, right?

15:54🔗 Yeah, I have friends. All right.

15:55🔗 Adam So you're not in too bad of shape. You're just like every other 15-year-old girl.

15:58🔗 Yeah. But like when I meet new people.

16:01🔗 Adam There's the movement again. Yeah.

16:03🔗 Caller When I meet new people, I get really nervous.

16:07🔗 Adam Yeah.

16:08🔗 Caller It's like really hard for me to be social with them.

16:12🔗 Adam Yeah. Let me tell you something. You got to have a few high balls to take the edge off before you meet new people. Oh, that's it. Like during lunch at school. You take your thermos, you put a little peppermint schnapps or something in there. You take a few shots, all of a sudden, you're queen of the quad. Know what I'm saying? Okay.

16:31🔗 Drew Yeah. Or just be careful, learn how to negotiate the situation.

16:39🔗 Adam Listen, here's what you do, everybody. There's something that you're not too good at. Let's look at it like a muscle growth.

16:45🔗 Drew What you've never done before.

16:47🔗 Adam Let me break it off into this kind of analogy. You have a nice physique, but there's a certain muscle group in your body is not so good. Maybe it's your chest, maybe it's your shoulders, maybe it's your triceps. Whatever it is, it's a little behind the rest. So what do you do? You go to the gym, you put in an extra set on that particular muscle group, so it can get back up to the other ones. Yep. Right? But what people do is they go, well, I got a big bicep, so I'm just going to go to the gym and work my bicep because I feel strongest that way, I feel most comfortable that way. Meanwhile, they're sort of asymmetrical and incomplete. Yep. That's what this is. If there's something you're not so good at, you're a little bit weak at, just go ahead and push through it, work on it a little.

17:31🔗 Drew Very uncomfortable. 15 is sort of no capacity to tolerate it, but you will, you'll be all right.

17:36🔗 Adam Yeah, everyone goes through it. Drew, you were a mess at 15, right?

17:39🔗 Mess.

17:40🔗 Adam What are you saying? You were a mess?

17:41🔗 Drew Mess.

17:43🔗 Adam What was wrong with you at 15?

17:44🔗 Drew You've seen the pictures.

17:46🔗 Adam That's true, man. He was a mess. But what was it? What broke that down? You know what I mean? What did your parents do to you? What made you that way? I mean, some of it is just being 15, but not all 15 year olds are that way.

18:00🔗 Drew Right. It's no self-esteem. It's just lack of sense of self.

18:05🔗 Adam Why did you have no self-esteem? I mean, you're a decent athlete, even though you played seven and a half man football, instead of 11 man football like I played. You were a good student, right?

18:15🔗 Drew Yeah.

18:17🔗 Adam You had friends, yeah? You were involved in the student council and things like that, right?

18:23🔗 Drew It kind of came later. That's how I overcame those feelings, trying to find things that...

18:28🔗 Adam What happened? What did your parents do wrong? What happened to your self-esteem? Why didn't you have self-esteem? You're a semi-attractive guy with a horrible haircut. You've got bad frames on your glasses. All stuff easily fixed, by the way. What happened? Why were you so broken? You're 15. Your parents were together. You lived in a decent house. You went to a decent school. You had good grades. There's no reason for it.

18:55🔗 Drew Remember that book I told you about the drama of The Gifted Child? That explains it.

18:58🔗 Adam All right.

18:59🔗 Drew Well, it's a whole book to explain it.

19:01🔗 Adam I'm not going to read that, but if you've read The Phantom Tolboth, have we talked about that?

19:06🔗 Drew Yeah. Classic.

19:07🔗 Adam Okay. Dean?

19:09🔗 Yes.

19:09🔗 Adam You're 23?

19:10🔗 Caller Yes.

19:11🔗 Adam What's up?

19:11🔗 Caller You guys are gods. Really? I'm shaking here because I'm so nervous.

19:16🔗 Adam Thank you.

19:18🔗 Caller My girlfriend is 20 years old and she's a virgin. She's ready to have sex. I told her that I would prefer her to be on birth control before we engage. So she went to the doctor to get exempt and they told her that since she's been a virgin for so long, she is unable to be on birth control.

19:41🔗 What?

19:42🔗 Drew What could they possibly have told her that she took that way?

19:46🔗 Caller I thought that was really strange.

19:49🔗 Adam What kind of birth control is she looking for? An IUD or something?

19:52🔗 Caller The pill.

19:53🔗 Adam The pill. And why was she a virgin for so long?

19:57🔗 Caller Religion and because she hasn't found the right person.

20:01🔗 Adam What's her religion?

20:03🔗 Caller Muslim.

20:03🔗 Adam Why is she getting it on now?

20:05🔗 Caller Because she's totally into me.

20:07🔗 Adam Wow. What's her, are you going to marry her?

20:11🔗 Caller I'm thinking about it in about two years.

20:13🔗 Adam Well, what do you got to do? Do you got to go over to the Muslim?

20:16🔗 Caller Yeah, I do.

20:17🔗 Adam Oh boy.

20:18🔗 Caller I know.

20:19🔗 Adam What's her nationality?

20:21🔗 Caller Pardon me?

20:21🔗 Adam What's her nationality?

20:23🔗 Caller She's Chinese.

20:24🔗 Adam Yeah.

20:25🔗 Caller I'm white.

20:25🔗 Adam How many, are there many Chinese Muslims? Oh yeah. There are? Oh yeah. I guess there's enough of those Chinese, they can be a whole bunch of different stuff, but Jews. Jews aren't going for that. No way.

20:37🔗 Caller So what's the deal with the birth control thing?

20:41🔗 Drew That's a bizarre statement, has no foundation in reality.

20:44🔗 Caller So what should she do?

20:46🔗 Drew Where did she go?

20:49🔗 Caller She went back to Malaysia three months ago to visit her family.

20:54🔗 Drew This discussion happened in Malaysia?

20:56🔗 Caller Yes. She went to see a doctor in Malaysia.

20:58🔗 Adam Oh, who knows. Probably a dead goat hanging out in front of the window or something.

21:03🔗 Caller So what should she do?

21:05🔗 Drew Get on the pill.

21:06🔗 Caller Yeah, but how if they won't give it to her?

21:08🔗 Adam When is she coming back here?

21:11🔗 Caller In December.

21:13🔗 Drew I wonder if I even believe her.

21:15🔗 Yeah, I totally believe her.

21:16🔗 Caller She wouldn't lie to me.

21:17🔗 Drew Oh, guess what?

21:19🔗 Adam Yeah, let me tell you about them Chinese notorious liars, especially the Muslim ones. Oh boy, that's a weird look. Does she have to wear the Muslim garb?

21:28🔗 Caller Oh no, she's not. Okay, she's not like one hundred. She doesn't believe in every single thing of the religion. She doesn't even pray. She isn't the, she's willing to, she's into the sex thing. Okay, like she's not going to stay a virgin for her until she gets married.

21:46🔗 Drew So I love the way people will just pick and choose technicalities out of their religion. Well, I'm not really.

21:52🔗 Adam Yeah. People take a religion they like and then they treat it like it's a goddamn gin rummy hand. You know, well, let's see. Premarital sex, I'll discard that. Let's see, do one to others. No, not a big fan of that one either. What do we have there? Making fun of the gays. Yeah, that's one. That's something I can sink my teeth into. And what about this? Oh yeah, we all go ahead and pick an abortion clinic. Well, booze. Geez, I like to drink. Well, he turned the water into wine. So that's cool. People, what is even the use of the religion unless you just abide by its rules? You don't think this stuff was whipped up by a bunch of guys who were bored a few thousand years ago? Look at how we interpret it. You know what I mean? I mean, listen, please. It is recocculus. She's got to come back to the States and see a real doctor. She needs to see a round eye. Get her some real medical attention.

22:59🔗 Drew I wonder if she's even telling the truth. It's such a bizarre statement.

23:02🔗 Adam How many people are in China? You know what I mean? There's like 3 billion, right?

23:08🔗 Drew Yeah.

23:08🔗 Adam Maybe they don't have such a handle on birth control over that.

23:11🔗 Drew By the way, she went to Malaysia.

23:14🔗 Adam I don't even know where that is. It's not in China though, is it? No. I got to get them Asian cultures figured out. For so long, they're just Japanese. Everyone was Japanese. It's like if you weren't white, you weren't European, you weren't Mexican, you were Japanese. That was it. Anybody who looked like a villain on Johnny Quest was just Japanese.

23:35🔗 Drew Well, then the Sleeping Bear awakened.

23:37🔗 Adam Right.

23:37🔗 Drew Now, everybody's just Chinese.

23:40🔗 Adam I still, it took me so many years just to figure out the difference. I didn't know the difference between the last name Kim and Yokohama. It was just still Kim Japanese.

23:51🔗 Drew I heard you used the term Oriental even last week.

23:54🔗 Adam Oriental? That's fine. Veronica, you're 19. What's up?

24:01🔗 Caller Well, I just want to tell you guys how bad you are for saying that thing to that girl about the peppermint schnapps.

24:08🔗 Adam Yeah, Drew said that. Drew made me say that.

24:11🔗 Caller Maybe a little pot. I don't know.

24:13🔗 Drew Oh, yeah, that would be much better. Much better, Rock.

24:15🔗 Caller Anyway, my question is basically I'm horny. I want to have sex, but at the same time I kind of don't because I feel like all the guys around me just want to get in my pants and I don't just want to be a piece of meat to whatever guy that I meet on the street or whatever. So, I mean, what should I do?

24:34🔗 Drew How about having a relationship?

24:37🔗 Caller It gives you only so much pleasure.

24:38🔗 Drew Veronica, how about-

24:39🔗 Caller Nothing like a dick.

24:40🔗 Adam All right, hold on a second.

24:41🔗 Drew Oh, man.

24:42🔗 Adam I wonder where she went to finishing school. Let's find out.

24:45🔗 Drew Yeah.

24:46🔗 Adam Hey, Veronica, we're going to put you on hold.

24:49🔗 Drew I think she went with the queen.

24:50🔗 Adam Okay.

24:51🔗 Caller Okay.

24:52🔗 Adam All right, baby.

24:53🔗 Caller You all right?

24:54🔗 Caller I'm fine.

24:55🔗 Adam I picture you as a really fat or really skinny. Which one?

24:58🔗 Caller Oh, no. I'm not either. I'm actually kind of perfect.

25:03🔗 Adam Oh, really?

25:04🔗 Caller Yeah. I don't like skinny and I'm not fat. So I'm just kind of like average, but in a good way. Like everybody likes my body. So I'd say-

25:11🔗 Adam Really?

25:12🔗 Caller I'm okay. Perfect.

25:13🔗 Adam Stringy hair, though. Bad teeth?

25:16🔗 Caller No, I have beautiful hair, nice teeth. I'm pretty. You know, I get all the guys I want. I just don't want them to always want to have sex with me and that's just-

25:24🔗 Well, that's- Okay.

25:26🔗 Adam How come the women, at least that we speak to over the radio, who are most worried about being attractive sort of sound the least attractive? You know what I mean?

25:35🔗 Yeah.

25:35🔗 Adam The ones who are constantly worried about what guys want, how all guys want the same thing, and I'm always thinking to myself, I wouldn't F you with Drew's Johnson.

25:45🔗 Drew Always thinking that?

25:46🔗 Adam That's what I think. All right, unless I just taped it at the end of like one of those pool skimmer sticks, then I'd go at it with it. Oh yeah. Then I'd like ram it up a buffalo's ass or something, while it was still on the stick.

26:00🔗 Drew Give it back to me.

26:02🔗 Adam I'd give it back to you without wiping it off. All right, we're going to take a break. We'll talk to the luscious Veronica after this.

26:10🔗 Love Line with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

26:12🔗 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191 Yeah!

26:38🔗 Adam It is the love line. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1.

26:49🔗 Drew Trying to get a little more energy going here, Adam?

26:52🔗 Adam I'm trying to whip it up a little. I got to be honest, I had a couple of pina coladas or daiquiris.

26:57🔗 Drew It didn't escape me, by the way.

26:59🔗 Adam Oh, shut up.

27:01🔗 Drew I was telling you, weird energy, weird something.

27:02🔗 Adam No, please. You didn't know I had a buzz going. And just a light one. I cut myself off.

27:08🔗 Drew We're our Clover City PD friends. Get them over here with a breathalyzer.

27:12🔗 Adam How dare you? Oh, Jesus Christ. You're kidding me. Those bastards will come over here. Lock the door. How dare you?

27:19🔗 Drew I got to pull over today.

27:21🔗 Adam Really?

27:22🔗 Where?

27:22🔗 Drew In Pasadena.

27:23🔗 For what?

27:23🔗 Drew Speeding.

27:24🔗 Adam Speeding. What happened?

27:26🔗 Drew I was making a light. You know how you speed up to make a light? You go like six times faster than you even would speeding.

27:31🔗 Adam Right.

27:32🔗 Drew Guy's right there.

27:33🔗 Adam Warning?

27:34🔗 Drew Yeah.

27:35🔗 Adam No ticket?

27:36🔗 Drew No.

27:36🔗 Adam The guy recognized you?

27:37🔗 Drew I guess. I was shocked. He goes, what was this all about? I go, yeah, I'm not going to the hospital, but no excuse. This is inappropriate. Just I have no excuses.

27:46🔗 Adam Yeah.

27:46🔗 Drew Then you look at me and go, all right.

27:48🔗 Adam Good. Hey, listen, everybody. Your best angles to just kiss some serious ass.

27:54🔗 Drew I deserved a ticket. I couldn't believe it. I was so grateful.

27:56🔗 Adam Hey, Drew, you can stop kissing ass now, by the way.

27:59🔗 Drew But you know what? Somebody does that for me. I want not to speed after that.

28:04🔗 Adam Yeah.

28:05🔗 Drew I want to really behave myself for as long as I can possibly remember.

28:08🔗 Adam That will last until the ride home tonight when you're doing 85. All right there, Drew. Yeah. Veronica?

28:17🔗 Caller Yeah.

28:17🔗 Adam You're 19?

28:18🔗 Caller Yes.

28:19🔗 Adam What's up?

28:20🔗 Drew This is Veronica Lee.

28:22🔗 Caller You know what? I wish that I could show you a picture so you would believe what I'm saying.

28:27🔗 Adam No. I believe you're attractive because you're a pain in the ass already. No. What's wrong with you? You're 19.

28:34🔗 Caller Yeah. I mean, you know what it is? It's just that-

28:37🔗 Adam Where's your daddy? Where's daddy?

28:40🔗 Caller Downstairs.

28:41🔗 Adam You're still living at home?

28:42🔗 Caller Unfortunately.

28:43🔗 Adam Man, she sounds old.

28:43🔗 Caller I don't think that's a problem though.

28:45🔗 Drew Unfortunately, she lives at home.

28:46🔗 Adam Yeah.

28:46🔗 Caller What's wrong with your parents? I'll be moving out soon. But anyway, that's not the problem here.

28:51🔗 Adam How's daddy doing? You get along with daddy?

28:53🔗 Caller I'm going out with all these guys.

28:54🔗 Adam Hey, you get along with dad?

28:56🔗 Caller No.

28:57🔗 Adam Why not?

28:58🔗 Caller Who is this?

29:00🔗 Adam Who cares?

29:01🔗 Caller I just want to know because I'm a psychologist.

29:04🔗 Adam No, you're not. No.

29:05🔗 Drew Not at 19.

29:06🔗 Adam What's going on with daddy?

29:07🔗 Caller No, we don't get along too well.

29:09🔗 Adam Yeah. Okay. We got that an hour and 45 minutes ago. What's up? Why not?

29:14🔗 Caller Why not? Because I guess I love my mom and she's gone and then he's nothing like her and...

29:19🔗 Drew Where's she?

29:20🔗 Caller She's, I don't know, somewhere. Not here.

29:24🔗 Adam All right. Hold on. Okay. Veronica, I would like you to just run hell for about 20 minutes and then we'll get back to you. I don't know if she's like drunk or stoned or whatever she is.

29:37🔗 Drew She is scared and she has no trust. And she can't even connect to the point of having an inter exchange, verbal exchange.

29:46🔗 Adam Yeah. She talks when you're talking and then when you when she pauses and you ask her question.

29:50🔗 Drew She doesn't hear it.

29:51🔗 Adam Where's your mom?

29:51🔗 Oh, somewhere.

29:53🔗 Adam She's not here.

29:54🔗 Somewhere.

29:55🔗 Drew It's her.

29:55🔗 Adam I was like, I don't know if mom died, if mom's in another part of the house. Let me try this one more time. Veronica?

30:04🔗 Caller Yeah.

30:04🔗 Adam All right. I need you to start listening and communicating here. Where's your mother?

30:09🔗 Caller Mom, parents got divorced when I was younger. Then she left, but last time I thought I was when I was 10.

30:16🔗 Adam So your mom abandoned you.

30:17🔗 Drew She's a very serious, serious issue here, right?

30:20🔗 Caller Yeah.

30:21🔗 Drew Do you blame dad for that for some reason?

30:23🔗 Caller No. I mean, she was kind of crazy, schizophrenic.

30:27🔗 Drew Was she a drug addict? I don't know.

30:30🔗 Caller I don't know the story. I mean, I never saw anything bad in her basically. I mean, I always saw the good things because she treated me just like super fabulous. I loved her.

30:38🔗 Adam Yeah. She kind of treated you that well. Couldn't have been a perfect mom.

30:42🔗 Caller Well, to me she was.

30:43🔗 Drew No, but that's the idealized image you've retained of her. In fact, your mom, the person left you when she's tanned is despicable.

30:51🔗 Caller Yeah.

30:51🔗 Drew That's who your mom is.

30:53🔗 Adam It wasn't like she had an aneurysm when you were tanned. She wasn't good all the way through. She may have done a few good things, but not the way you're idealizing her.

31:02🔗 Caller I mean, don't you think that it's better to have that kind of picture of your mom instead of detest her for leaving?

31:08🔗 Drew No, it's better to stay in reality.

31:10🔗 Adam Thank you, Drew, and be miserable with us.

31:13🔗 Caller Reality.

31:13🔗 Adam Come on to reality. It's miserable. The water is cold.

31:16🔗 Caller The second time somebody has told me that.

31:18🔗 Adam All right. So in your dad, you don't like him just because he's not a good guy.

31:23🔗 Caller He's not a good father.

31:24🔗 Drew Well, she blames him.

31:26🔗 Adam Yeah. You must blame him some for mom skipping out.

31:29🔗 Caller I don't know. I mean, I never really connected that.

31:33🔗 Adam Makes sense, though. Okay.

31:35🔗 Drew All right. But be that as it may, you've got some serious trust issues. Okay. So to have other people coming on to you for their own needs for gratification, you already don't trust them. You see this aspect of them coming at you. It feels awful. You feel objectified. It doesn't feel good. Of course. Why not open up to a relationship? That's why you haven't considered that option. What are you supposed to do? Guys want to say, oh, God, I can't imagine what other options are out there. How about getting in a relationship for a while and as part of that relationship, something physical will grow out of it after a few months or even however long you need. But pick somebody that's not going to abandon you. Yeah. All right.

32:12🔗 Adam We'll pick them. You send us over some options.

32:16🔗 Drew Make sure you're not attracted to them, too.

32:18🔗 Adam I'll use my lipstick and put a heart on the one that I think is best suited for you. Right, Veronica? Okay. All right. There you go. Well, that wasn't too tough. Listen, this is the beauty of radio, by the way. You cannot look at someone and see how nice their ass is and get distracted. All you hear is crazy. That's all I hear coming through these airwaves. Elena?

32:40🔗 Guest Yeah.

32:40🔗 Adam You're 20?

32:41🔗 Guest Yes, I am.

32:42🔗 Adam What's up?

32:43🔗 Guest Well, I've been seeing this guy for like four years. And, you know, I love him to death. And, you know, the sex is great. But recently, I've been having a lot of bisexual, like, fantasies. I mean, I've had him a lot before, but now it's like to the point where I think about it, like, all the time.

32:59🔗 Drew Is that just a safe way to end this relationship?

33:02🔗 Guest No. I mean, it's not that. It's, you know, um...

33:04🔗 Drew Are there things about your past that have created confusion about your sexual orientation?

33:11🔗 Guest Possibly.

33:12🔗 Drew Like what?

33:13🔗 Well...

33:14🔗 Drew Aside from the sexual abuse, any other issues?

33:16🔗 Guest Right.

33:17🔗 Adam Who abused you?

33:19🔗 Guest My father.

33:20🔗 Oh, really?

33:22🔗 Adam Where's he now?

33:23🔗 Guest Um, about five minutes away from here.

33:26🔗 For jail?

33:27🔗 Guest No.

33:27🔗 He... I...

33:28🔗 Guest You know what? I never told anybody. Yeah, but... And he just did it again to my step-sister, or my half-sister, which isn't... It's not his kid. And he's, like, going through the courts for that because...

33:41🔗 Drew Well, I suggest you step up about that, perhaps.

33:43🔗 Guest Yeah.

33:44🔗 Adam How old is your half-sister and your step-sister?

33:47🔗 Guest Um, no, it's just one. It's just one sister. And she's, um, 12.

33:50🔗 Adam I see.

33:51🔗 Drew And...

33:52🔗 Adam How old were you when he did this to you?

33:54🔗 Oh, God, I don't even remember.

33:55🔗 Guest It was like from 7 to...

33:58🔗 Caller or 6 to...

33:59🔗 Guest it seemed like forever. And then he tried again when I was like 15.

34:03🔗 Drew It's amazing that people survive that at all, isn't it?

34:06🔗 Guest Yeah.

34:06🔗 Drew It's just an awful thing.

34:07🔗 Guest I see him, like, every day. And it's real awkward because it's like, it's there, but it's not there, you know?

34:13🔗 It's...

34:14🔗 Guest Sometimes when he looks at me, I'm wondering, like, you know, is he checking me out? I just get a really weird, you know?

34:21🔗 Adam What do you... what did you do with him? Did you have sex with him?

34:26🔗 God, it's real...

34:27🔗 Guest I mean, it's disgusting to talk about. I mean, he...

34:30🔗 Adam Well, it's not your fault.

34:31🔗 Guest Oh, I know that, but it's just like he, you know, he molested me. He did what he did. And he, like, tried to orally please me. And I pretended like I was, like, asleep the whole time. Yeah.

34:42🔗 Adam I've had women do that.

34:45🔗 Drew They weren't pretending.

34:46🔗 Adam Oh, they weren't. Actually, yeah, they were sawing logs. They spilled hot coffee on them. They still didn't get up. Well, wait a minute. What's your dad do? Is, like, a cop or a...?

34:55🔗 Guest No, he's a plumber.

34:57🔗 Adam Plumber. No.

34:58🔗 He's a good guy.

34:59🔗 Drew Oh, well, Anna, please.

35:00🔗 Don't even...

35:01🔗 Guest I can't hate him. I can't.

35:03🔗 Adam Go ahead.

35:04🔗 Drew Go ahead. Enjoy it. We'll join you in that one.

35:07🔗 Adam We hate this guy. You should hate him, too.

35:09🔗 Guest I've tried. Believe me, I've tried. I mean, I try to say, you know, F you. I don't want him to see you.

35:15🔗 Adam One day, you're gonna. And it's gonna be big. Except for he's not gonna be around. He's gonna be with a boyfriend at a mall. And you're gonna have to call the SWAT team to get you out of the Orange Julius. Believe me, you'll take hostages in there.

35:27🔗 Drew Yeah, you, the only way you're gonna be free of this, or at least begin to free yourself, is to have some of the feelings that would normally be evoked from it.

35:34🔗 Adam All right, have you got any therapy?

35:36🔗 Guest No.

35:36🔗 Adam All right, that is it, baby. You gotta do that.

35:39🔗 Guest But I don't see how that has anything to do with life.

35:41🔗 Adam Good, then you'll just rot in purgatory for the rest of your life.

35:44🔗 Drew Yeah, it's just an accident that I brought this up as a causational issue. Accident.

35:49🔗 Adam That you stumbled on in the police station.

35:50🔗 Drew I was just stumbled on.

35:51🔗 Adam Oh my God. Listen, there is no greater argument for therapy than your father performing sex on you at a young age for a long period of time. I could think of Vietnam, nothing. Nothing. Being in a catastrophic accident, nothing. Seeing your parents die in front of your eyes, at the hands of some knife-wielding homicidal maniac, still does not compare to your dad performing oral sex on you. That has to not only bend your antenna, that has to just take it and melt it down and make it into a folding chair. Do you know what I mean? It's not even an antenna anymore.

36:35🔗 Drew No, it's a folding chair.

36:36🔗 Adam It's a folding chair. Some sweaty ass is on it, on some porch somewhere, on your antenna. Jesus, that is bizarre. I wish guys like this would just somehow spontaneously combust. I mean, you do it to your daughter and then you do it to your half daughter. Listen everybody, can't we kill these guys? Can't we agree on that? What kind of salvation? What kind of rehabilitation? What are we going to do? Sit down, have a little talk with this guy?

37:05🔗 Drew By the way, if we had those sorts of punishments, might they refrain from this a little more readily?

37:11🔗 Adam Fine, yes, who cares? I mean, you know, I mean, you just, you bang your daughter, we kill you. Good enough, done, done. And people always say, hey, aren't you worried about this kind of, living in this kind of society? No, you know why? I'm not banging my daughter. So, nothing to worry about. And you know what people always do too? They go, well, you start doing that, where's it go? No, that's it, it doesn't go anywhere. It's just like all the other laws we have. You get a certain punishment for murder, and you get a certain punishment for littering. It doesn't mean we hang people litter.

37:48🔗 Drew Let me say about this relationship, she's been in a four-year relationship, I bet it's been okay. Now it's time to bring in a little sabotage.

37:55🔗 Adam Yeah. Oh boy.

37:56🔗 Yeah.

37:58🔗 Adam Imagine you're talking to dad, you're not sure if he's checking you out. You know what I mean?

38:03🔗 Drew It's a nice feeling.

38:06🔗 Adam It's like you're heading over to dad's house, you're wearing a mini skirt and it's like, I better put some sweatpants on. He may have had a beer.

38:12🔗 Drew And think about how they, if dad so much as lays a hand on them, they go into these sort of fugue states where they're paralyzed and dad just does his thing.

38:20🔗 Adam Oh my God. I'll tell you, I'm going to give my dad a big wet kiss. Let's go to bed. Let's go to bed. I really am. And you two, your cheap dad, you give my kids too, right? I will. I will. You realize how good he was, even with the cheapness? Alright, we'll take a little break. We'll be back.

38:37🔗 Loveline, we'll be right back.

39:16🔗 Adam Yeah, it is Loveline. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew's board certified. All right, let's hop back on the phones and speak to Andrew, who's 19. Andrew?

39:35🔗 Yes. Hi. Hello.

39:36🔗 Adam Hello.

39:37🔗 Caller Wow. First of all, I want to say you guys rule. I mean, like next to Y2J, you guys are the best and you're never wrong.

39:45🔗 Drew What's Y2J?

39:46🔗 Caller Chris Jericho, Y2J, WWF.

39:51🔗 Rural Raffling Critters.

39:53🔗 Adam Oh, okay.

39:53🔗 Right.

39:54🔗 Remember some morning show on our local affiliates.

39:56🔗 Adam Little out of the loop. Yeah. Yeah. But like- Well, Andrew's- Hold on a second. Remember, we were speaking to- what's her name? It was 19 last call. She was 19 and sounded like? Andrew's 19. Eleven and a half, I was going to say. All right, Andrew. What's your question here, buddy?

40:18🔗 Caller Oh, nothing. I just want to just say I have a serious problem because me and my best friend, we've been friends for years and we work in the same place. His girl worked at the same place we worked at. She just started like six months ago and he really likes her, you know?

40:37🔗 Drew What is that place?

40:38🔗 Caller It's like a supermarket and we all work there. The thing is, she likes me and I don't like her, I just want to score with her. I don't know, but he's really a cool friend. He looks out for me.

40:53🔗 Drew All right, well, why don't you look out for him a little bit, huh?

40:55🔗 Adam Yeah, instead of looking out for your penis. Are you sure she likes you? This sounds very peculiar.

41:02🔗 Caller Well, like, I don't know what she calls me every day.

41:06🔗 Drew Calls you?

41:07🔗 Caller Yeah, she calls me and like the other day she grabbed me and just like kissed me and I'm like, I mean, I try to fight her off, but she's a strong girl.

41:16🔗 Adam Because she's a big girl, right?

41:18🔗 Caller Well, not really. She's about 5'4, I'd say 130 pounds and just she's a total babe. She really is, but the thing is, I mean, he's a good friend and I don't know how to tell him. And she's saying that she's going to leave him to be with me.

41:35🔗 Drew That's fine. You tell her to leave in that relationship before you contemplate doing anything with her.

41:42🔗 Adam I'm having difficulty with the total babe part. I really...

41:46🔗 Drew Don't worry.

41:48🔗 Adam I really am.

41:48🔗 Drew No, don't stress yourself about that.

41:51🔗 Adam Maybe Andrew's like a really good-looking goofy guy.

41:56🔗 Drew The whole team there is goofy.

41:58🔗 Really?

41:59🔗 Yeah.

42:01🔗 Adam You know, sometimes I think about ugly people. Not that any of our listeners or callers are unattractive. I think about ugly folks, you know? And then sometimes I seem paired up. And then I think to myself, this is great thinking. I think, I wonder if they both know they're ugly, and that's why they're paired up, or they're both really attracted to each other. Because if you're ugly, you're attracted to less attractive people. Or if they somehow know that they're ugly, and that's all they're going to get. You know what I'm talking about? And to me, it just goes into like the animal world. Like when I see a couple armadillos humping, I don't think, well, that one armadillo is humping an armadillo. I just see armadillos humping. You know what I mean? I wouldn't want to hump an armadillo. But if I was an armadillo, I'd hump an armadillo.

42:56🔗 Drew Right, it's beautiful to you if you're an armadillo.

42:58🔗 Adam Right.

42:59🔗 Drew Yeah, but I'm not so sure that's from looking in a mirror at yourself. That's because in your brain...

43:04🔗 Adam If you're really ugly, do you think you're just more easily attracted to other ugly people? Or have you just decided you got a station in life and that ain't banging supermodels? You know what I'm saying? That sounds like a horrible elitist thing to say. But you know what I mean? People think that way. Yeah, all right. No, no, Andrew's good looking. All right, let's hop back on the phones. Jackie?

43:30🔗 Yes.

43:30🔗 Adam You're 18?

43:31🔗 Caller Yes.

43:31🔗 Adam What's up?

43:33🔗 Caller I have a question about birth control pill. My question was, if it gives any side effects to your children after, because I've heard that sometimes it might, when you plan to have kids, it might kind of have side effects on them.

43:50🔗 Adam No.

43:50🔗 Drew Where did you hear that?

43:52🔗 Caller Oh, a long time ago.

43:53🔗 Drew That is bizarre and has no foundation in reality whatsoever.

43:59🔗 Caller Okay. I also have another question. One of my friends was recently on it.

44:05🔗 Drew The birth control pill?

44:06🔗 Caller Yes.

44:06🔗 All right.

44:08🔗 Caller When they finally decided to have kids, she wasn't able to have kids.

44:12🔗 Drew Doesn't have anything to do with that.

44:15🔗 Caller Okay.

44:15🔗 Drew Essentially, everyone will restore normal menstrual functioning within six months.

44:19🔗 Adam How old is your friend?

44:20🔗 Drew People have difficulties because they have difficulties, not because the pill caused it.

44:24🔗 Caller So the pill won't affect in any way?

44:26🔗 Drew No.

44:26🔗 Adam How old is she?

44:28🔗 Caller 18.

44:29🔗 Drew There is evidence that the pill will reduce the risk of ovarian cancer, reduce the risk of uterine cancer, reduce the risk of pelvic inflammatory disease and hospitalizations from pelvic inflammatory disease. At this point, increased bone density, it looks to have only health benefit at this point. And certainly, the risk of taking the pill is vastly less than the risk of pregnancy itself. Pregnancy is a sexually transmitted disease and it's dangerous.

44:53🔗 Adam Hey Jackie.

44:54🔗 Caller Yeah?

44:54🔗 Adam Yeah, your friend is 18. Tell her to slow down.

44:57🔗 Caller Okay.

44:58🔗 Adam Alright, stop thinking about kids, all you. You are all kids yourself, alright?

45:02🔗 Caller Oh no, I'm...

45:03🔗 Adam Alright, pops. Hi grandpa. Don't make me pull this station wagon over and give you a belt. Hey Drew, you know what I was just thinking about? As long as I'm insulting everyone tonight. You know what I was thinking about? Stupid people. You know what I was thinking about? Ugly people before. But now I'm thinking about stupid people.

45:19🔗 Drew Well, you also went through Oriental and Japanese and you've been to everybody.

45:23🔗 Adam That's it, all one people.

45:24🔗 Drew Oh yeah, a Muslim you got after them?

45:27🔗 Adam I didn't know there were Muslim Chinese, that's all. There's no China Jew though. That's right. But here's what I'm saying. And here's what I think a lot of stupid people suffer from, especially a lot of our callers. Weird association stuff, like Primitive Man. So here's how Primitive Man works. Primitive Man sees a buzzard sitting on a branch and then 10 minutes later, a lightning bolt hits a tree a half miles away and a fire starts.

45:52🔗 Drew Therefore a buzzard?

45:53🔗 Adam Therefore a buzzard equals lightning bolt equals fire. Now we should be scared of the buzzard.

45:59🔗 Drew Right, associations, yes. Oh yeah.

46:01🔗 Adam Primitive Man does that because you're stupid and in your sort of reptilian brain, things have to make sense. Some way to make sense of things. So you'll find no matter how tenuous it is, no matter how far-fetched it is, you'll make some connection so there'll be an answer. So you can sleep.

46:19🔗 Drew Yep.

46:20🔗 Adam You notice that happening with a lot of our retarded callers?

46:23🔗 Drew Oh yeah. Then it's very concrete too.

46:26🔗 Adam They're like, I fell off my skateboard and that was two weeks ago, and now I'm having difficulty ejaculating, but they hurt their knee, but there has to be a connection with the difficulty ejaculating because that couldn't have just come from nowhere, so I have to connect it to something?

46:41🔗 Drew Yeah.

46:41🔗 Adam That's part of being stupid, isn't it?

46:43🔗 Drew Yeah.

46:44🔗 Adam Thank you.

46:44🔗 Drew Primitive.

46:44🔗 Adam Primitive. Primitive. Not stupid. Primitive. Sorry.

46:47🔗 Drew We're breaking.

46:48🔗 Adam I didn't mean to offend all the cavemen listening to this show. Scott?

46:52🔗 Yeah.

46:53🔗 Adam You're 17?

46:54🔗 Caller Yeah. My problem is-

46:56🔗 Adam Yeah. You have an orgasm, it dribbles, it doesn't shoot.

46:59🔗 Caller There you go.

46:59🔗 Adam All right. Hold on a second. We're going to take ourselves a little break, then we'll get back to dribbling Scott after this.

47:08🔗 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

47:09🔗 Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191.

47:54🔗 Adam Yeah.

47:56🔗 Hey, it's Loveline.

47:57🔗 Adam I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew over there. Let me tell you something. Let me tell the hallmark of Westwood One Studios. Half the crap in here is on a wire.

48:09🔗 Drew Yeah, too short.

48:09🔗 Adam It's shorter than Mike Johnson. And then the other half has the mooring rope they used to hold the Lusitania to the docks. So you have 7,000 lineal feet of mic cord, or you get 4 inches of cord on something. I constantly want to move around this computer keypad here that we punch the calls up with, and it just ain't working. Anderson, sit down. You're not going to do anything about it, please.

48:36🔗 All right.

48:38🔗 Adam Anderson, don't pretend like you're taking pride in your place of employment. This thing? You're saying this thing comes out? Listen, I'm scared to tug on anything. I swear to Christ, I'm scared to tug on stuff here.

48:48🔗 Drew No, Anderson, don't come in. Don't.

48:50🔗 Adam I'm scared a ceiling tile will land on my head if I tug on any cord too hard around this dump. We can't hear you, Anderson, thankfully. Can you hear him?

48:58🔗 Drew No.

48:59🔗 Adam Good. That's the beauty of Westwood, too. Even when I complain about the junk and then when Anderson wants to reply, he's using the same outdated crap that I'm using, so we can't hear him, so that's great. Scott?

49:12🔗 Caller Yeah.

49:12🔗 Adam You're 17?

49:13🔗 Caller Yeah.

49:14🔗 Adam What's up?

49:15🔗 Caller Well, my problem is that I haven't...

49:16🔗 Adam Oh, that's right. You dribble.

49:19🔗 Caller Yeah.

49:20🔗 Adam What's the farthest up your belly you've made it? Because I have my belly sectioned off like a javelin field.

49:26🔗 Caller Yeah. Let's see. It's maybe gone a foot at the most. That's like the farthest ever, maybe one.

49:34🔗 Drew Are you masturbating a lot?

49:37🔗 Caller Not a lot, not excessively.

49:39🔗 Drew What do you do?

49:41🔗 Caller Well, if I'm not with a girl once a day, every day, I like to get it out, you know?

49:46🔗 Adam Sure. Now with the old.

49:47🔗 Caller Yeah, there you go.

49:48🔗 Adam Yeah. All right. That's fine, Scott. That's just you, buddy.

49:53🔗 Caller That's just me?

49:54🔗 Adam Yeah.

49:54🔗 Caller Nothing wrong with me?

49:55🔗 Adam No.

49:55🔗 Drew Try waiting a couple of days, see if you don't get a little more distance that way.

49:57🔗 Caller No pressure penis?

49:58🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah. See what you can do.

50:00🔗 Caller All right.

50:00🔗 Adam Let it build up a little bit.

50:03🔗 Caller All right. Cool.

50:04🔗 Adam All right, Scott.

50:04🔗 Caller Thanks a lot.

50:05🔗 Yeah.

50:05🔗 Adam Bye.

50:06🔗 Yeah.

50:06🔗 Adam Guys watch those porn movies, they get a unrealistic expectation. If there was ever, it's interesting.

50:14🔗 Drew Where's it going anyway? Why is it important to guys?

50:17🔗 Adam Yeah. Oh, hey, I didn't get pink eye from my own junk. I'm very disappointed.

50:23🔗 Drew When it's used for reproduction, how far does it actually need to go?

50:27🔗 Adam Right. Listen, here's my thing. I either barely want it to come out, or I want it to come out so far I can get it into the toilet from my bed. Anything in between is just on me. You know what I'm saying? Thank you. Mary?

50:41🔗 Drew Yeah.

50:41🔗 Adam Hold on. That's an interesting difference in people. You want to know some people are just anatomically different or just different in their makeup.

50:49🔗 Drew Yeah.

50:50🔗 Adam Some guys goes out three feet. Some guys, they can hit the carpet if they're standing up. You know what I'm saying?

50:57🔗 Drew Right.

50:58🔗 Adam What is that? Stronger leg muscles. You know what I mean? Bigger, smaller penis, different scrotum shape, it's none of it. It's just, hey, it's just the way it works, right?

51:08🔗 Drew Yeah, it's different.

51:09🔗 Adam Is it a muscle that powers that stuff?

51:11🔗 Drew Yeah.

51:12🔗 Adam Could you strengthen that muscle?

51:14🔗 Drew Yeah, but it probably wouldn't make too much difference in terms of distance. It's more of the plumbing.

51:19🔗 Adam Mary?

51:19🔗 Yeah.

51:20🔗 Adam All right. You're 13. What's going on?

51:22🔗 Caller Well, a couple of weeks ago, I had a dream and it was a flashback from when I was molested.

51:29🔗 Adam Who molested you?

51:30🔗 Caller My teacher.

51:34🔗 Adam What age?

51:35🔗 Caller Seven.

51:35🔗 Adam Was it a man? Did you remember it at the time?

51:42🔗 Caller Well, no. I didn't know what was going on.

51:46🔗 Adam How did you find out?

51:49🔗 Caller I didn't. I just kept it to myself and I forgot about it. I blocked it out.

51:55🔗 Drew Now it's resurfacing.

51:56🔗 Caller Yeah.

51:58🔗 Drew You ought to tell someone about it. Absolutely. Can you tell your parents?

52:01🔗 Caller I haven't told my parents and I don't want to tell anybody because I've had problems. I went to residential places and I'm doing really good and this might ruin everything and I don't want it to.

52:15🔗 Drew Well, but maybe this is why you've had such difficulties in the past.

52:18🔗 Caller Yeah.

52:20🔗 Adam Oh, boy. This was your first grade teacher?

52:23🔗 Caller Second.

52:24🔗 Adam Second grade? You remember it was after class, something happened?

52:30🔗 Caller Well, during recess, he just took me to this back room. I mean, he just said he wanted to examine me and he just took off my clothes and started touching me and I don't know.

52:44🔗 Adam How many times did it happen?

52:46🔗 Caller Just once.

52:47🔗 I don't know.

52:49🔗 Adam Hold on a second. Weird.

52:53🔗 Drew It was fit. It was fit that she's getting better, she's in structure and so now these feelings can start to come forth and be tolerated.

52:59🔗 Adam It's just once.

53:02🔗 Drew But she probably acted out in ways that followed.

53:04🔗 Adam Very?

53:05🔗 Caller Yeah.

53:06🔗 Adam Did he touch you? Did he penetrate you?

53:10🔗 Caller He didn't penetrate me, but he was just rubbing his fingers up against me and touching me. He said I needed it to make sure I was healthy and stuff like that.

53:23🔗 Adam Well, they say it's important to love kids if you're going to teach, but it may be taking a little too far. Hey, Mary? Yeah, you got to talk to someone about this. Annie, you should try to get this guy turned in. Is he still there?

53:37🔗 Caller I don't know if he's still teaching because I moved.

53:41🔗 Drew Really? She's worried about her stability right now.

53:43🔗 Adam Okay.

53:44🔗 Drew You can tell some of your caretakers, Mary, but again, the fact that you're doing well, great. If you don't tell, this could destabilize you too, just sort of trying to manage these feelings on your own.

53:54🔗 Adam But also, Mary, this happened one time, right?

53:57🔗 Caller Yeah.

53:58🔗 Adam It doesn't have to ruin you. It really doesn't.

54:00🔗 Caller I know. I don't want it to ruin me.

54:02🔗 Adam No, I'm glad. What I'm saying is, I don't want to make too little of it, but I don't want you to make too much of it.

54:08🔗 Caller Okay.

54:09🔗 Adam We talked to people all night, like earlier tonight, whose dad for five years was on top of them.

54:14🔗 Caller Yeah, I know.

54:15🔗 Adam You know what I'm saying? What happened to you was bad, but it wasn't even a one compared to a lot of that stuff. And that doesn't mean it's not going to affect you, but it doesn't need to take over your life either.

54:27🔗 Caller Yeah, but a whole lot of-

54:28🔗 Adam Other stuff?

54:29🔗 Caller Yeah.

54:29🔗 Adam Well, that's something.

54:31🔗 That he did?

54:33🔗 Caller No.

54:33🔗 Caller I mean, just other stuff in my life, like my mom had drug problems.

54:38🔗 Adam Yeah.

54:39🔗 Caller It just makes it kind of worse.

54:41🔗 Adam Right.

54:41🔗 Caller I'll add it up.

54:42🔗 Drew Yes, it does. It's just more-

54:44🔗 Adam It's a cumulative thing.

54:45🔗 Drew Yeah.

54:45🔗 Caller And I don't know. I just don't want it to ruin.

54:52🔗 Drew It needn't, Mary, but the reason you're starting to look at these things more realistically is the fact that you're doing better.

54:59🔗 Adam Right. All right. Angela?

55:02🔗 Drew Yeah.

55:02🔗 Adam You're 19? Yes. These teachers. Thank God I never went to school. What's happened, Angela? You're 19.

55:11🔗 Caller Well, I'm seven months pregnant. And like two months after I found out, and the baby's father found out he started another relationship. And I barely found out that his girlfriend lost a baby. But she was pregnant.

55:34🔗 Adam Does anyone know what she's talking about?

55:36🔗 Drew No. What's the question?

55:37🔗 I'm...

55:39🔗 Caller I still have feelings for him, but it's hard for me to try and...

55:43🔗 Drew What's not to love? He's got...

55:45🔗 Adam Yeah.

55:45🔗 Drew He's with somebody else. He got her pregnant. You're 19.

55:48🔗 Adam She lost the baby?

55:50🔗 Drew Yeah.

55:51🔗 Adam And he got her pregnant after he got you pregnant?

55:53🔗 Drew Yeah.

55:53🔗 Adam Oh, I'd love to put bullets in these guys' heads. I look at them as enemies of the state. I really do. Bouncing around, planting their seed. Bunch of screwed up chicks. Oh my God. Thank God, Dad, she lost that baby. Would have been another fatherless kid running around this planet causing trouble.

56:13🔗 Caller I'm just, I mean, I don't want to be a bitch. I mean, I want him to be able to, he's there off and on, but.

56:24🔗 Where? Where?

56:25🔗 Drew For you?

56:25🔗 Caller Yeah.

56:26🔗 Adam Oh, off and on. Okay. Hey, did you take a quail or did I? Angela, did I take what?

56:32🔗 Caller Well, I was falling asleep waiting for you guys.

56:35🔗 Adam I see. All right. But it's time to wake up, right?

56:37🔗 Caller Yeah.

56:37🔗 Adam All right. So seven months pregnant. Don't count on him. Okay. He's not going to be around. If he can't hang for the nine month gestation period, he ain't going to hang for the raising of this kid. Now, we should hope you have a girl, right? Yes. Because if it's a guy, he's going to kill somebody. The girl, she's just going to be a strip or something, right? Right? No. Where's your mom?

57:07🔗 I live with her.

57:08🔗 Adam All right. Is she going to help out?

57:09🔗 Yes.

57:10🔗 Adam Where's daddy?

57:11🔗 He died.

57:12🔗 Adam What happened?

57:15🔗 Caller He had a form of muscular dystrophy and he died last month.

57:20🔗 Adam That is sad. They were together, right?

57:23🔗 Yeah.

57:24🔗 Adam All right. Well, what's up with you then? How did you get hooked up with this A-hole?

57:29🔗 Caller I was talking to him. We were together off and on for six years.

57:35🔗 Adam Your dad was a good guy?

57:37🔗 Caller Yes.

57:37🔗 Adam Okay. All right.

57:39🔗 Drew Maybe this guy just became an A-hole and she's just clinging to him.

57:41🔗 Caller My dad does not want me to have anything to do with him at all.

57:45🔗 Adam Why doesn't your dad want you to have anything to do with him?

57:47🔗 Caller Because he knows bits and pieces of our relationship and he doesn't like him.

57:53🔗 Adam Was the guy, was he physically abusive or something?

57:55🔗 Caller No, it was just more I let him, I let my emotions take over and he took it out on me.

58:05🔗 Adam I can hear you're a very passionate person. Like, I just let my emotions get to you.

58:14🔗 Caller Really?

58:15🔗 Adam Yeah, baby, you're hot-blooded. I can hear that. All right. Here's the deal. You're living at home, stay at home, raise this kid, and don't count on this guy being a part of the kid's life, but make him financially responsible. You can't just go around dorking everyone and then run around knocking everyone else up. You hear me all you a-holes out there? I hold you responsible for what's going on on this planet, you jackasses, and you should all pay. You should pay just like you pay for anything you create and you F up. Restitution. You're going to have 18 years of payments. I hope it hurts. I hope they garnish every wage you have. That garnish is a weird word. Sounds like they're putting parsley next to your paycheck, not taking a couple of hundred bucks out each month. But Angela, you get this guy to pay. Bring this guy down. Bring the full extent of the law to bear on this guy. Yep. Get him to pay for everything. Emily, but don't count on him. He's flaky. He's not going to be around. Emily, you're 16.

59:24🔗 Caller Yeah.

59:25🔗 Adam What's up?

59:26🔗 Caller Adam, I think you're hilarious. Okay.

59:29🔗 Adam Thanks, Niblets.

59:31🔗 Caller During oral sex, I just can't stop laughing.

59:37🔗 Adam Yeah.

59:38🔗 Caller It doesn't tickle, but I don't know, it just makes me laugh. I can't stop laughing and I wanted to know if that was normal.

59:46🔗 Adam I've had girls that do that too, but it's right before intercourse, just before. Right. Just right before. Just when the pants come down.

59:55🔗 Drew When the pants come down, yeah.

59:56🔗 Adam Right. Just that little period there from when the pants come down to when they try to climb out the window. That's where the laughing is, that little interim there. Yeah, you're punchy. I like that. And does it, it doesn't tickle you?

1:00:11🔗 Caller Well, okay.

1:00:12🔗 Caller It doesn't exactly tickle.

1:00:14🔗 Adam Right. But it's a little weird, right?

1:00:16🔗 Caller Yeah. I guess it's like weird. But it's really like, it just seems like, it doesn't seem funny, but it like.

1:00:21🔗 Adam No, I know. Well, listen, part of the, part of what women do and guys, but even more women, I think, they get a little nervous. Drew, you're in a fart position.

1:00:31🔗 Drew No, I'm tired. I'm trying to keep myself moving here.

1:00:34🔗 Adam Guys get nervous. Drew is like, assume the gas position over there. What are you doing in that chair?

1:00:39🔗 Drew I'm just sitting up on my knees.

1:00:41🔗 Adam Hey, sit right. Sit up. Come on.

1:00:42🔗 Drew Come on.

1:00:44🔗 Adam Pull the studio over.

1:00:45🔗 Drew Don't stand up. Maybe I'll use my leg.

1:00:47🔗 Adam Okay, listen to me. People get nervous, they get the giggles. So maybe you're a little bit nervous. Maybe you're a little bit uncomfortable.

1:00:54🔗 Drew Women, it actually does kind of tickle. It's kind of a ticklish, overwhelming, like an intense feeling, right? Yeah. Do you have intercourse with somebody?

1:01:03🔗 Caller No.

1:01:03🔗 Drew So you've never had that?

1:01:04🔗 Adam Is it sort of like that feeling when you put your tongue on the roof of your mouth? You do that, you get, it's like, eeeh.

1:01:10🔗 Yeah.

1:01:11🔗 Adam It's not funny, but it's kind of weird?

1:01:13🔗 Caller Not really. Well, yeah, it's not funny. It's kind of weird, but then it like kind of like tickles, but not really.

1:01:21🔗 That's it, Adam.

1:01:22🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:01:22🔗 Adam Oh, that's it.

1:01:24🔗 Yeah.

1:01:24🔗 Adam Yeah. Thank you. Emily?

1:01:26🔗 Yeah. Is it because I'm nervous?

1:01:30🔗 Adam Shut up over there.

1:01:30🔗 Drew It's a combo of her being young, guys not knowing what the hell they're doing, and her being nervous. Right.

1:01:33🔗 Adam Because guys are like, oh, oh, oh, oh.

1:01:36🔗 Caller Because like, I don't really care about this guy.

1:01:38🔗 I mean, I'm not nervous about it.

1:01:40🔗 Caller I don't really care about him, but...

1:01:42🔗 Adam What the hell? Where were these girls? These 16-year-olds didn't really care about the guy. There's just a lot of oral sex going down when I was in high school. Where was there? Where were they?

1:01:51🔗 Drew I guess it must have been all around.

1:01:53🔗 Adam No.

1:01:53🔗 Drew Today's any example.

1:01:54🔗 Adam No, they were not around. No way. If I believe that for a second, I'm going to kill myself right now, throw myself into this antiquated equipment and shock myself to death. All right. Emily?

1:02:06🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:02:08🔗 Adam You are going to have to guide him a little.

1:02:11🔗 Caller Like, should I tell him to do it harder?

1:02:13🔗 Drew Well, no, no.

1:02:13🔗 Adam Well, okay. Put it this way.

1:02:14🔗 Drew Does she masturbate?

1:02:15🔗 Adam Put it this way. Hold on a second.

1:02:16🔗 Drew We don't know if she knows how to get.

1:02:17🔗 Adam She's 16, for Christ's sake, Drew. Have some cooth. Emily? Yeah. Let me talk about oral sex on you for just a second. All right. Now, if I were to take my tongue. I'm going to go blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

1:02:31🔗 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

1:02:33🔗 Adam Blah, blah, blah, blah. If I did my blah, blah, blah, blah technique that I do on the ladies, they would tickle you, right? I was like tickling you like a feather. Here's what I'm saying.

1:02:41🔗 Caller Aha!

1:02:43🔗 Adam You take a feather, right? And you put it on someone's foot or under their arm, and you lightly brush, gidgee, gidgee, gidgee, gidgee, gidgee. You're going to laugh, right?

1:02:52🔗 Caller Yeah, but it doesn't scare you guys.

1:02:54🔗 Adam Shut up. But if you take the feather and you just sort of... And just press it under their arm, you know what I mean? Just press it under there and just kind of move it around a little bit, keep some pressure on it. Well, it's not going to be, it's ticklish, are you?

1:03:08🔗 Caller Right. No.

1:03:09🔗 Adam So maybe it needs to give you, instead of the little, little, little, you need to go, oh.

1:03:14🔗 Caller See, and do you think I could be nervous if it's not that bad?

1:03:18🔗 Drew That's part of it, Emily, that's part of it. But I think if you masturbate and figure out what it is you do and don't like and able to show whoever your partner is, and it's, how old is your partner?

1:03:28🔗 Adam He's 44.

1:03:29🔗 Caller How old?

1:03:30🔗 18.

1:03:32🔗 Caller 18 year old.

1:03:32🔗 Drew I mean, how many of them think you really know what the hell is going on?

1:03:34🔗 Adam No, my God.

1:03:35🔗 Drew I've been showing you diagrams of the vagina for how many years now and you finally figure out what the clitoris is.

1:03:40🔗 Adam I thought the thing was upside down. Last time I saw it.

1:03:42🔗 Drew That was last night.

1:03:44🔗 Adam Yeah, he was holding the thing upside down. I didn't know it. I thought the anus was on top. I really had no idea. I didn't know what direction the thing went. But I do know the technique is, it's not, it's. That's my move. I just licked the goddamn mic.

1:04:06🔗 Drew OK, Lamar.

1:04:07🔗 Adam Yeah, you're 16. What's up?

1:04:11🔗 Caller I have two questions. Hello.

1:04:14🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:04:15🔗 Caller Well, my first.

1:04:16🔗 Adam Uh huh.

1:04:17🔗 Caller Hello.

1:04:17🔗 Drew Uh huh.

1:04:19🔗 Adam Uh huh.

1:04:19🔗 Caller Oh, Adam, I just love them.

1:04:21🔗 Drew Oh, there is 37 minutes and 45 seconds.

1:04:24🔗 Adam Very smart. All right. So what's up?

1:04:27🔗 Caller Yeah. My first question is, right? I have like a drug test soon and I did a little bit of marijuana.

1:04:35🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:04:35🔗 Caller Like that.

1:04:36🔗 Caller A little bit, Lamar. Just a little bit.

1:04:38🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:04:39🔗 Adam Call like Kilo a little bit.

1:04:41🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:04:41🔗 Caller Yeah. I'm going to wait for 30 days for that. But would I be able to still smoke cigarettes or anything like that?

1:04:48🔗 Drew Cigarettes?

1:04:49🔗 Caller Yes.

1:04:49🔗 Adam What's it for?

1:04:51🔗 Caller What? Cigarettes?

1:04:52🔗 Caller Oh.

1:04:57🔗 Adam Boy, I hope you're not working where anyone else could possibly be in danger from your job.

1:05:03🔗 Caller No.

1:05:03🔗 Adam You're going to take out like a platoon your first day. What kind of job are you trying to get?

1:05:09🔗 Caller No. It's for my sports.

1:05:13🔗 Adam For your sports?

1:05:13🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:05:14🔗 Adam What sports are you?

1:05:16🔗 Caller Basketball and football.

1:05:18🔗 Adam I see. And you have to get drug tested in high school?

1:05:21🔗 Caller Yeah. Wow.

1:05:22🔗 Drew That's good. I don't know how they would look at nicotine, but nicotine will show up on the tests.

1:05:27🔗 Caller Huh?

1:05:28🔗 Adam Okay.

1:05:29🔗 Drew Hey, you're smoking way too much pot, Lamar.

1:05:33🔗 Adam Quite a serious athlete, aren't you? You put the cigarette down when you get in the game, or how does that work? They just put an ashtray over there by the bench?

1:05:43🔗 Caller No. It's just that like before the game after.

1:05:47🔗 Drew The cigarettes?

1:05:48🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:05:49🔗 Drew Well, that will show up on the drug screens, okay? Nicotine.

1:05:54🔗 Caller Oh, all right.

1:05:56🔗 Adam All right, everybody. Hey, easy on the cigarettes and the pot and everything.

1:06:00🔗 Drew Yeah, the pot is affecting you, unless you had a lot of head injury in your time.

1:06:05🔗 Caller Oh, boy.

1:06:07🔗 Adam 16. Listen, everybody, I'm telling you, you need your brain. You need it. I didn't think I needed mine, but as it turns out, I need it and now I miss it. I really do.

1:06:18🔗 Drew Only you could have retained it.

1:06:20🔗 Adam I mourn the loss of my brain almost every day. I miss it like I miss my cat Norman. I go to the grave site and I just put a reef down there. Let's put some flowers down at the grave side of my brain just the other day up in the forest alone.

1:06:34🔗 Drew Nice.

1:06:35🔗 Adam You need it. All you guys that are huffing copier toner and smoking tons of weed and smacking yourself, putting hefty bags in your heads, asphyxiating yourself so you can get a little buzz. Believe me, that's going to come back and kick you in the ass and here's the beauty, you won't even know it.

1:06:53🔗 Drew You won't make the connection you mean?

1:06:54🔗 Adam No, you'll just have some crappy job and some ugly fat wife and you won't even know it. Bunch of stupid kids running around. You won't even know it.

1:07:03🔗 Drew Yeah, that's the frustrating part for me. You can see the decay in some of these substances.

1:07:09🔗 Adam David?

1:07:10🔗 Caller Yes.

1:07:10🔗 Adam You're 25.

1:07:11🔗 Caller Yes.

1:07:12🔗 Adam What's up?

1:07:13🔗 Caller Well, I'm an alcoholic and I was wondering...

1:07:18🔗 Adam Hi, David.

1:07:20🔗 Caller I was wondering how much my alcoholism had to do with the fact that every serious relationship I've been in has been with a girl who's been molested or raped.

1:07:29🔗 Drew Well, have you been...

1:07:30🔗 Adam Are you raping them?

1:07:32🔗 Drew Have you been choosing other addicts?

1:07:33🔗 Adam Is this a coincidence?

1:07:35🔗 Caller No. Actually, none of the women I've been with have been even close to addicts.

1:07:40🔗 Adam Well, according to my latest statistics, 98% of women have been molested or raped by the 13th birthday. So it could just be numbers.

1:07:49🔗 Caller Well, the numbers I've heard is like 25%. That's why I was concerned.

1:07:53🔗 Adam I see. Well, maybe you're a fixer.

1:07:58🔗 Caller Maybe, but I don't try to fix their problems.

1:08:03🔗 Drew You're an alcoholic, so you came from an alcoholic family, we can surmise.

1:08:06🔗 Caller Well, I'll give you this much. I'm adopted. The family I grew up in was not alcoholic at all.

1:08:14🔗 Drew What was that family like?

1:08:17🔗 Caller My father was a...

1:08:18🔗 Adam More of a fanatic. Yeah?

1:08:20🔗 Caller No, there was no...

1:08:22🔗 Drew Father was?

1:08:23🔗 Caller No chemical addiction at all. My father was very strong-willed and closed and quiet. The only thing that I can see as a problem, my mother, was a little bit doting, a little bit overprotective.

1:08:36🔗 Adam Oh, and you? Yes.

1:08:39🔗 Caller I was the oldest child, the adopted one. I had three natural-born sisters.

1:08:43🔗 Adam Now, let me ask you this, what kind of stuff are you into? Music, snowboarding?

1:08:49🔗 Caller I'm into music a lot.

1:08:51🔗 Adam Are you dating women or into that scene?

1:08:55🔗 Caller No, not at all anymore now.

1:08:56🔗 Drew How many girlfriends have you had that have been raped?

1:08:58🔗 Adam One and a half.

1:08:59🔗 Caller I've had seven serious relationships from 16 until now. It's on the last nine years.

1:09:06🔗 Adam They've all been raped or molested?

1:09:08🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:09:08🔗 Drew All seven.

1:09:09🔗 Adam Boy, you're the kiss of death, David.

1:09:11🔗 Drew Well, somehow you're picking up on that little powerless pained piece in them and you need to get in there and keep them from it.

1:09:18🔗 Adam Maybe it's just easy pickings.

1:09:19🔗 Drew I don't know why you're attracted to that.

1:09:22🔗 Adam Well, here's how you know someone's been raped or molested. You're attracted to her. You ought to use David in court trials. He could have used it in that Kennedy trial. Girl says she was raped out on the lawn of the Florida state. Kennedy says he didn't do it. Bring David into the courtroom. He's an expert witness. David, do you attract this girl? She's all right. Guilty.

1:09:46🔗 Caller Guilty, yeah.

1:09:48🔗 Adam I don't know. You know what you're doing. So next time you find yourself attracted to someone, pause for a second and really, really sort it out. Jake?

1:09:58🔗 Yeah.

1:10:00🔗 Adam A molested and raped woman need love too though. Jake?

1:10:03🔗 Yeah.

1:10:03🔗 Adam You're 16, I mean 18.

1:10:04🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:10:05🔗 Adam You want to know if a general herpes can get passed through anal sex?

1:10:08🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:10:09🔗 Adam Double or nothing on my anus, Drew, with the warts.

1:10:11🔗 Drew No way. No way.

1:10:12🔗 Caller No?

1:10:13🔗 Caller It's not possible.

1:10:14🔗 Adam Hold on a second, Jake.

1:10:15🔗 Caller All right.

1:10:15🔗 Adam All right. Now, Drew was not saying that is impossible. We're going to get to the anal herpes, which is the name of a band I had in high school, by the way. We're going to get to the anal herpes after this.

1:10:28🔗 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:11:03🔗 Adam Hey, Loveline, what the hell kind of cue was that?

1:11:10🔗 Caller You looked away right when he did it. You looked away.

1:11:12🔗 Adam I was watching. All I saw was like part of an elbow. I didn't get that big wind up with the finger.

1:11:17🔗 Caller I told him to give you that. He gave you that and you did nothing.

1:11:19🔗 Drew Where's that intro, that one that you like?

1:11:21🔗 Adam Really? Give me the big wind up.

1:11:23🔗 Drew The big one with the big drop, the big space. That's like 30 seconds.

1:11:27🔗 Adam There we go. All right. That is why I got into radio. So I could have the engineer give me the big point through the glass. Anderson sometimes just give me a little nod of the head. It's like he said.

1:11:37🔗 Drew Never Coupe.

1:11:38🔗 Adam Oh, Coupe the engineer. Yeah. Coupe, you know what he did? He lifted part of his upper lip like Elvis. That was his cue. I swear to God. Sometimes I think he just let a fart go and it's supposed to pick up on that.

1:11:50🔗 Caller When I started, I gave you the big one.

1:11:52🔗 And you just every single time you go, hey, hey, that's it, man. There was like you weren't happy about it.

1:11:57🔗 Adam No, I was happy.

1:11:58🔗 Drew Oh, that's, are you kidding? That's ecstatic.

1:12:00🔗 Your enthusiasm is completely worn off on me.

1:12:03🔗 Caller All right.

1:12:04🔗 Adam All right. Jake?

1:12:06🔗 Yeah.

1:12:07🔗 Adam You're 18.

1:12:07🔗 Caller Yep.

1:12:08🔗 Adam All right. So you want to know if you can get genital herpes through anal sex?

1:12:12🔗 Yeah.

1:12:14🔗 Adam Yes. Who's the cornhole? E. E. Or er?

1:12:20🔗 Drew No, he's the er.

1:12:21🔗 Adam What are you doing?

1:12:22🔗 Caller Well, there's this girl I know, and she wants to have sex with me, and I found out from one of her friends that she has genital herpes.

1:12:30🔗 Adam Uh-huh.

1:12:31🔗 Caller So I'm scared away from that.

1:12:33🔗 Adam But you think about sliding in the back door, and going around the herpes. Nice. He's a true gentleman. Who says chivalry is dead? Okay. So what about that, Drew?

1:12:47🔗 Drew Well, you have to have contact in the region where the rash is, and or fluids from that area, which is possibly could still get the herpes, because it's close enough proximity. If she had an active outbreak, it would be kind of unlikely if she didn't have an outbreak.

1:13:01🔗 Adam He wouldn't get it.

1:13:02🔗 Drew The presumption is that she doesn't have any herpes too.

1:13:04🔗 Adam What about the reach around though with the cornhole, and would that then get some herpy on the hand?

1:13:09🔗 Caller Possibly.

1:13:10🔗 Adam Yeah, but that never works. No one gets herpes on their hands.

1:13:13🔗 Drew No, that's true. But what if some fluid on the hand and transferred to somewhere else?

1:13:17🔗 Adam And what is that?

1:13:19🔗 Drew Cornhole?

1:13:19🔗 Adam No. Oh, that I know. But what I mean is, someone has a herpy lesion on their vagina, let's say, right? You put your hand on it, you rub your finger on it. You don't get herpes on your finger.

1:13:32🔗 Drew You can.

1:13:33🔗 Adam Yeah, but no one does.

1:13:34🔗 Drew Yeah, it's called herpetic Whitlow when that happens.

1:13:36🔗 Adam Oh, really?

1:13:37🔗 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:13:37🔗 Drew It gets right around the finger now. It's nasty, too.

1:13:39🔗 Adam And it never goes away. Is that what those little rubber things on the end of their fingers?

1:13:43🔗 Caller No.

1:13:44🔗 Adam Is that something else?

1:13:45🔗 Drew No, it just...

1:13:45🔗 Adam What are those rubber things for the end of your finger?

1:13:47🔗 Drew Those little condom things? Yeah, I don't know.

1:13:49🔗 Adam What is that for?

1:13:49🔗 Drew I have no idea.

1:13:50🔗 Adam Weirdos?

1:13:51🔗 Drew Weirdos.

1:13:51🔗 Adam People that look a lot of stuff up in encyclopedias?

1:13:54🔗 Drew Yeah, like male sorters or something.

1:13:57🔗 Adam Stenographers or something?

1:14:00🔗 Drew But you get the herpetic wit loss.

1:14:01🔗 Adam All right, but she doesn't have a breakout. Well, listen, he should just put a condom on and go in conventional.

1:14:08🔗 Drew Yeah, and make sure she doesn't have an outbreak.

1:14:10🔗 Adam Right. Marad?

1:14:13🔗 Yup, that's the pimp himself.

1:14:15🔗 Adam You're the pimp?

1:14:16🔗 Caller Yup, I'm the man.

1:14:17🔗 Adam Yeah, except for you're 16 and your testes haven't even dropped yet. Other than that, you're the pimp daddy.

1:14:24🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm the pimp daddy.

1:14:26🔗 Adam Yeah, let's have it in there, Marad.

1:14:27🔗 Caller Alright, Adam.

1:14:28🔗 Adam Oh, no.

1:14:29🔗 Caller So, do you know the situation?

1:14:31🔗 Adam No, I don't know your situation.

1:14:33🔗 Caller Well, alright.

1:14:34🔗 Drew That's a lot to ask here, Adam. You have to actually...

1:14:36🔗 Caller Well, this ain't all that...

1:14:36🔗 Adam I'd have to read. Yeah, I don't read the board. Drew picks out the calls and I just punch him up, so I don't know what's going on.

1:14:42🔗 Caller Do you get along with this Drew character?

1:14:46🔗 Adam Listen, hey, Marad, how about I call you Nimrod instead?

1:14:49🔗 Caller Okay, anyway, now, what should I do about this, like, getting dumped over your anal?

1:14:56🔗 Adam I don't know what your question is, jackass.

1:15:00🔗 Caller All right, check this out. I'm saying...

1:15:02🔗 Adam What's going on in the background, Nimrod?

1:15:04🔗 Caller Watching TV.

1:15:05🔗 Adam All right. Well, hold on a second. Idiot. All right. I'll put Nimrod on hold for about 20 minutes, and we'll get to some other calls that have the TV down. Daphne?

1:15:17🔗 Caller Yeah?

1:15:17🔗 Adam You're 15?

1:15:18🔗 Caller Yeah. What's up? I had sex about three weeks ago, and I always get my period right on time, and I was supposed to get it five days ago, and I haven't gotten it, and I'm worried that I might be pregnant, and I don't know what to do about it.

1:15:33🔗 Drew How about getting a pregnancy test?

1:15:36🔗 Caller I don't want my parents to find out, so I didn't know if they'd find it or if I'm able to buy one.

1:15:42🔗 Drew If you went to the grocery store and just bought one?

1:15:45🔗 Caller I haven't done that yet.

1:15:46🔗 Drew Okay, how about doing that?

1:15:48🔗 Caller Well, one of my friends took one, and she was like nine, and it said she was pregnant, and I know she wasn't, so I don't know.

1:15:53🔗 Drew The predictive value of any test is determined by the accuracy of any test determined by the probability of it being a positive result. In other words, if it's likely to be positive in this situation, and it turns out to be positive on the test, it's likely to be right. And that's the situation here.

1:16:12🔗 Adam Hey, I got that. Hey, Daphne, though, don't you have to wait two weeks before you get one of those over-the-counter pregnancy tests?

1:16:20🔗 Drew It's been three.

1:16:21🔗 Adam I thought you said five days late. Oh, five days late on you, period.

1:16:24🔗 Drew Yeah, and the sex was three weeks ago.

1:16:25🔗 Adam Three weeks ago? All right, go get that, genius.

1:16:28🔗 Drew Yeah, but how about going to Planned Parenthood or somewhere where you get some support and counseling about this?

1:16:33🔗 Caller Yeah, that's what my friends are telling me that I should do, but-

1:16:35🔗 Drew You should, because-

1:16:36🔗 Caller Is this confidential?

1:16:37🔗 Drew Absolutely. You're going to end up with a pregnancy here, definitely. You've got to talk with someone about it.

1:16:43🔗 Caller All right.

1:16:43🔗 Drew If you have a pregnancy, you have an intercourse without birth control, you can get pregnant.

1:16:46🔗 Caller That's it.

1:16:47🔗 Caller Okay.

1:16:48🔗 Caller All right.

1:16:48🔗 Adam You've got to use birth control next time, right?

1:16:51🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:16:52🔗 Adam All right, baby.

1:16:53🔗 Caller Okay.

1:16:53🔗 Adam All right. What if you're pregnant? What are you going to do?

1:16:56🔗 Caller Most likely going to have the child.

1:16:58🔗 Adam Really? 15?

1:17:00🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:17:01🔗 Adam You'll be 28 by the time the kid comes out, right? You're going to keep the child, huh?

1:17:05🔗 Drew How about adoption?

1:17:07🔗 Caller I'm not sure. I'm adopted, so I don't know how I feel about putting it up because I kind of feel that giving up the child for adoption means you don't want it, but that just might be my opinion.

1:17:18🔗 Adam Well, it does mean you don't want it.

1:17:21🔗 I mean, I-

1:17:23🔗 Adam It also means you're doing what's best for the kid.

1:17:25🔗 Drew Yeah, you care about it very much. You're going to do what you can't handle.

1:17:27🔗 Caller Well, I know if I have the child and I keep it, that it'll grow out fine because my parents would help me out and I'm financially okay to take care of a child, so.

1:17:36🔗 Caller You are?

1:17:37🔗 Adam You got a paper route?

1:17:39🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:17:39🔗 Adam Okay.

1:17:40🔗 Drew How are you financially okay to take care of a child?

1:17:42🔗 Adam Oh, who cares?

1:17:43🔗 Drew How is that?

1:17:44🔗 Adam No, her parents have money is what she's saying.

1:17:46🔗 Caller Well, I have a job and my parents, they told me if I ever get pregnant, that they're going to be there for me 100% of the way and if I need anything, they'll get it for me.

1:17:54🔗 Drew That's prophetic.

1:17:55🔗 Adam Really?

1:17:56🔗 Drew They set the stage for that one. Wow.

1:17:59🔗 Adam You know what I'm going to tell my kid? The beginning of the Dukes of Hazzard, one of the Dukes fires this like explosive arrow into an outhouse and it just explodes. You ever see that?

1:18:08🔗 Drew No.

1:18:08🔗 Adam I'm going to tell my daughter, hey, you get pregnant, I'll take you to the Dukes of Hazzard outhouse, put you right on the toilet and fire one of those exploding arrows into it. I'll show her a rerun of Dukes of Hazzard, show her that beginning sequence. See that? You'll be in that outhouse, honey. Thing with the moon, that moon carved into the door, you'll be sitting right on the pot there when I blow that thing up.

1:18:28🔗 Drew What is with the moon thing? What was that supposed to mean?

1:18:31🔗 Adam I don't know why a Crescent moon cut into an outhouse door.

1:18:37🔗 Drew Meant outhouse, first of all.

1:18:39🔗 Adam Meant outhouse.

1:18:40🔗 Drew Convention outhouse, and is this a decorative, or is this a ventilation issue, or something to enjoy while you sat?

1:18:47🔗 Adam Well, first off, you want to talk ventilation, you go full moon, not Crescent moon.

1:18:52🔗 Drew Yeah, or the whole series of moon.

1:18:56🔗 Adam Listen, you goofy parents out there, don't tell your 14, 15-year-old girl, don't worry, you ever get pregnant, we'll be there to raise a kid for you. But these are the parents that adopted her in the first place, so maybe they're looking for work. Think about that mentality.

1:19:09🔗 Drew Nice.

1:19:10🔗 Adam Not that it's a bad thing to adopt someone, that's a good thing. Unless you're one of these weird lesbian couples. That's a good thing to adopt somebody, but think about the mindset. It's like, hey, more work.

1:19:22🔗 Drew It's like, more saviors.

1:19:23🔗 Adam The guys are into like fixing up houses, they buy one, they fix it up, they live in it for a year, they get bored, then what happens? Time to get another one. Time to fix that up. Maybe that's what that is. Sarah?

1:19:35🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:19:35🔗 Adam You're 19?

1:19:36🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:19:36🔗 Adam What's up?

1:19:38🔗 Recently I had sex with this guy, and he has a virgin, and he's not circumcised. And I guess when I put the condom on, the skin came back or something, and we had sex like over an hour and a half, and he felt nothing. I guess he ended up being numb or something. Is that normal for him being a virgin, or is it just because of the skin? I mean, I'm not too familiar with the whole...

1:20:00🔗 Drew It's because some guys with condoms don't feel enough sensitivity. Period. That's why some guys don't like wearing condoms.

1:20:10🔗 Okay.

1:20:10🔗 Adam Nice of you to put it on him, though.

1:20:12🔗 Huh?

1:20:13🔗 Adam It was nice of you to put it on him.

1:20:14🔗 Yeah, definitely.

1:20:16🔗 Adam Yeah, it's good. He's a virgin.

1:20:17🔗 It has nothing to do with him, with the skin and everything.

1:20:20🔗 Drew Nothing, nothing.

1:20:24🔗 Caller Now, if he had sex again, is he going to go numb again? I mean, is that going to be normal?

1:20:30🔗 Drew I wonder if the numbness is maybe some sort of function of his nervousness, too.

1:20:33🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:20:34🔗 Drew Some of these guys detached from their penises.

1:20:36🔗 Adam Yeah. God knows I've done that. Well, I didn't detach from my penis. My penis detached from me. That's different.

1:20:41🔗 Drew Well, it ran away.

1:20:42🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:20:42🔗 Drew Everted.

1:20:43🔗 Adam Now, once it gets under the sofa sometimes, I can't get it out. Hey, Sarah?

1:20:50🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:20:51🔗 Adam All bets are off when a guy is a virgin. You know what I mean? First time out, anything could happen. So try it again.

1:20:58🔗 Caller I just found it really weird.

1:20:59🔗 Caller I didn't think that's ever happened to me before. I just thought it was pretty.

1:21:02🔗 Adam You explained to him this time that all the guys you've been with, this has never happened before. And the fact that he's a virgin is really putting you off. And let's try it again. And then yell, Mocs now, and crack a whip.

1:21:13🔗 Caller Now, the whole thing with the skin pulling back, OK, that hurts him. What do you suggest as far as condom-wise? I mean, how are you supposed to keep it up?

1:21:22🔗 Drew What the hell are you talking about?

1:21:24🔗 Adam How are you supposed to pull the condom down over the penis without the foreskin coming back?

1:21:30🔗 Caller There you go.

1:21:32🔗 Adam Twist tie on the end of the prepews before you put the condom on?

1:21:36🔗 Caller What do you think, Drew?

1:21:37🔗 Drew Let's put it this way, Sarah. Condoms are used all over the world. Only industrialized country where men are circumcised in the United States. So the other 6.5 billion people in the world manage to deal with the foreskin and the condom.

1:21:55🔗 Adam All right. So you guys will work it out.

1:21:57🔗 Drew It's a non-issue.

1:21:59🔗 Adam Cece.

1:22:00🔗 Caller Good evening, gentlemen. How are you?

1:22:02🔗 Adam You're 29. You sound lucid. That's amazing. What's up?

1:22:06🔗 Caller Thank you. I was going to ask you to marry me, but I don't know if you'll think I'm lucid now. I loved your garnished parsley joke. Now, I do have a very good question that actually pertains to love as opposed to sex or problems. I don't have any problems currently. My only problem is that I'm single, and I'm a little confused on the issue of when you meet someone, you like them, you're attracted. How long do you wait? How long do you wait?

1:22:30🔗 Adam Three hours.

1:22:31🔗 Drew This is somebody in their late 20s, right? No.

1:22:33🔗 Caller No, it's just, you know, it gets complicated if you wait too long, and I think, all right, she's not attracted, I'm moving on. You don't see them again, they don't call.

1:22:40🔗 Adam No, they don't.

1:22:41🔗 Caller You have sex with them right away, you're into it, it's beautiful, they don't call. It's like, what's the deal? What's the game? I don't know.

1:22:47🔗 Adam You ever been married?

1:22:48🔗 Caller No.

1:22:48🔗 Adam What's up with you, baby?

1:22:49🔗 Caller No one's ever asked. I don't know. I'm pretty happy being single, because I'm very independent, and I work hard.

1:22:56🔗 Adam You got a lot of cats?

1:22:57🔗 Caller No, I don't.

1:22:59🔗 Adam Okay, good. You haven't gone over the other side of the mountain yet. All right.

1:23:05🔗 Caller What does that mean?

1:23:07🔗 Adam Just settle down over there, Cece.

1:23:09🔗 Caller I'm set in my ways.

1:23:11🔗 Adam Okay. There's no formula for tricking a man into commitment.

1:23:18🔗 I'm not a man.

1:23:19🔗 Drew She means, wouldn't have sex.

1:23:21🔗 Adam I know, but-

1:23:21🔗 Caller I just want a nice relationship.

1:23:23🔗 Adam I know, but-

1:23:23🔗 Caller Wouldn't have sex with another man.

1:23:24🔗 Adam Shut up.

1:23:26🔗 No.

1:23:28🔗 Caller Something meaningful for crying out loud.

1:23:30🔗 Adam Hold on a second. Cece is one of these chicks. She reminds me of your wife, actually. She's got a little black guy. Most people have a inner dialogue going, but for a lot of people, they turn out her. So it's like they're talking, and you're talking, and they're just talking. I think people are thinking things normally, but they're not saying them. I think I'm always thinking stuff, but sometimes I'm quiet when other person is talking. It's easy to go on. All right. So here's what I'm trying to say. And I say commitment, not marriage. All is, there's not a formula. There's plenty of guys, and I've talked to plenty of guys who slept with their wife on the first date, and they're still together. That's what worked for them. They were mature enough, ready enough, whatever enough, loved each other enough, whatever it was, okay? Then there's people that have waited a month, slept together, broke up a week later. It's not about knowing when to put out. It's about the person. Now if you're with a guy, you put out the first date and he holds it against you, well, then how wants to be with that guy? On the other hand, you want to trick that guy, you want to do it two weeks, five dates later, and how long is he going to stay with you? Do you know what I'm saying? All that ass wears off eventually. I mean, whether you sleep with him, well, let's just say, let's just put it this way. It's the same guy, right? And if you slept with him on the first date, he wouldn't call you back. But if you waited two weeks and then you slept with him, is he going to marry you? No.

1:25:05🔗 Drew Is that the guy you want to be with?

1:25:06🔗 Adam He's still in a hole. It's going to last three weeks instead of one day. You know what I'm saying? It's not about that. It's just about finding the right guy and finding your rhythm and doing what you feel is right. You're 29. You make your own choice. You want to sleep with him, you sleep with him.

1:25:23🔗 Caller All right.

1:25:24🔗 Adam I got to whack off. I'm going to talk about sex. We're going to take a break. We'll be back after this.

1:25:30🔗 Caller Loveline, Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:25:34🔗 Caller We'll be right back.

1:26:07🔗 Adam Thank you. Hey, yeah. That's the finger. All righty, hey, it's the radio there. Yeah, the radio. Nah, that was, Drew, what do you say now? Yeah. You got your phones here? There we go. Andy. Andy.

1:26:25🔗 Drew Sleep.

1:26:26🔗 Adam It's only been on for 22 minutes.

1:26:28🔗 Drew He's 14. Hear him?

1:26:31🔗 Hello?

1:26:32🔗 Drew Oh, there he is.

1:26:33🔗 Caller You idiot.

1:26:34🔗 Adam Scared the crap out of me. What's going on there, Andy?

1:26:37🔗 Hi. I just want to know how big is the normal penis?

1:26:41🔗 Drew At what age?

1:26:42🔗 At 14.

1:26:43🔗 Adam 14? Erect or flaccid?

1:26:45🔗 Erect.

1:26:46🔗 Adam Erect is 11 inches and flaccid is about 7.5 to 8 inches. Why? What are you?

1:26:52🔗 I'm 8.5.

1:26:56🔗 Drew There is no average at your age because there's so many different developmental stages.

1:27:00🔗 Adam You're 8.5 flaccid? That's just about right. You're 8.5 with an erection? Yeah. Liar.

1:27:10🔗 Caller No, I'm not.

1:27:11🔗 Adam Liar. Do you measure like I do from the center of the anus to just pass the tip?

1:27:20🔗 Caller No.

1:27:21🔗 Adam No. You put a ruler up and you're 8.5 inches?

1:27:24🔗 Caller Yep.

1:27:26🔗 Adam Okay. That doesn't seem big to you?

1:27:30🔗 Caller No.

1:27:31🔗 Caller It's fine.

1:27:31🔗 Adam Good. Drew, let me show you 8.5 inches here by the way. Let me look at this mic.

1:27:37🔗 Caller That's 7?

1:27:39🔗 Adam Yeah. It's 7 and a quarter. Yeah. I should go get a tape out of the back of my car.

1:27:46🔗 Caller Woof.

1:27:47🔗 Adam Yeah. There's no 14 year old is 8.5 inches long. Idiot. Nathan?

1:27:53🔗 Caller Yes, sir.

1:27:53🔗 Adam Year 20. What's up?

1:27:55🔗 Caller Yeah. I have a radio show of my own actually down here locally where I'm at. And I have a lot of people call me up and ask me a question. If you have anal sex with a girl, if you can get her pregnant, and I, not being an expert, really don't know how to answer them. I, for one, don't think it's possible.

1:28:11🔗 Adam Expert. Wait a minute. What radio show do you do?

1:28:15🔗 Caller I do a youth talk show. Where? In Fresno, California.

1:28:19🔗 Adam Oh, really?

1:28:19🔗 Caller Yes, sir.

1:28:20🔗 Adam That sounds like a good gig.

1:28:22🔗 Caller It's volunteer.

1:28:23🔗 Adam I see.

1:28:24🔗 Caller But I have a lot of fun with it. I listen to you guys a lot. I get a lot of ideas on topics from you guys as well.

1:28:29🔗 Drew Cool. I did this show as a volunteer for 10 years.

1:28:33🔗 Caller Really?

1:28:34🔗 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:28:34🔗 Adam I got paid handsomely.

1:28:36🔗 Caller Right away.

1:28:37🔗 Adam Right away. I'm no idiot. But Nathan, you host a show where you counsel the young folk.

1:28:45🔗 Drew Well, let's hear where his imagination takes him. How would someone get pregnant from anal sex?

1:28:51🔗 Caller I have no idea. I would just think, putting in the words of Adam, is you just get a nice and gooey cornhole. That's about it. Unless some semen happens to drip down to the honeypot.

1:29:03🔗 Drew Honeypot.

1:29:04🔗 Adam I can see why he's got a velvet tongue while he's on the radio. What about if I were to, let's say, rape a woman's ear? You think I could get her pregnant?

1:29:14🔗 Drew Could drip down?

1:29:15🔗 Adam How about nasal rape?

1:29:16🔗 Drew Proximity is a little different there. Oh, I see. We've had this question before, and certainly never heard of anybody getting pregnant this way. And I suppose that young people like to bring up theoretical sort of schematics.

1:29:27🔗 Adam Oh, please.

1:29:27🔗 Drew Like, you know, if the comment is going by.

1:29:29🔗 Adam Listen to me. Let me tell you how you got to treat these little pukes. You start yelling at them. Do you understand? The FCC should lift your license for thinking you could get pregnant through anal sex. Every man, every gay man in the world would be pregnant. Use your brain.

1:29:45🔗 Caller Exactly. Exactly.

1:29:46🔗 Adam All right.

1:29:46🔗 Caller I appreciate it.

1:29:47🔗 Caller All right.

1:29:47🔗 Adam You're fine.

1:29:48🔗 Caller All right.

1:29:49🔗 Adam Keep going with those kids.

1:29:50🔗 Caller All right.

1:29:50🔗 Caller Thanks a lot.

1:29:51🔗 Adam Okay. Listen, any kids listening to Nathan's show, don't listen to them. My God.

1:29:56🔗 Drew Sounds good. Hi, Nathan.

1:29:58🔗 Adam Nathan was a nice guy, but hosting a radio show where you talk to kids and the call in want to know if you can get pregnant for anal sex and you didn't have an answer for him. He may not be the-

1:30:10🔗 Drew He comes to some resource on this.

1:30:13🔗 Adam Okay. All right. Listen, I wanted to like Nathan. Don't get me wrong. Travis? Yeah. You're 16. You want to know if masturbation feels different since you started smoking pot? Yeah. Why? Because you're stoned. That's why. Everything feels different when you're stoned.

1:30:30🔗 Caller No, you witty.

1:30:32🔗 Caller I started smoking about a month ago.

1:30:34🔗 Drew No, forget it.

1:30:36🔗 Adam Why? Because you call me an idiot?

1:30:37🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:30:37🔗 Drew It's just too hostile.

1:30:39🔗 Caller Really?

1:30:39🔗 Drew You're going to listen to that? Why reward that?

1:30:41🔗 Adam All right. You're right. Chase?

1:30:44🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:30:45🔗 Adam You're 14?

1:30:46🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:30:46🔗 Adam What's up?

1:30:48🔗 Caller I was wondering how old you could be to be a biocontent. Like, how old do you have to be to be a biocontent?

1:30:53🔗 Drew I'm just wondering, 16, 14, is there an age?

1:30:56🔗 Adam I don't know. I don't know what that is. I thought people just stole them when they were 14.

1:31:01🔗 Caller Yeah, that's what sometimes.

1:31:04🔗 Adam Can't you just go to Plain Parenthood and reach in that big fishbowl and grab a handful of them and walk out? Yep.

1:31:09🔗 Caller Sometimes.

1:31:11🔗 Adam Why? What are you doing with the condoms? You use them for water balloons?

1:31:14🔗 Caller No, for my girl.

1:31:17🔗 Adam How old is your girl? Son of a bitch.

1:31:22🔗 Drew Why don't you wait a little bit?

1:31:23🔗 Adam Are you having sex?

1:31:25🔗 Caller No. Well, she's like, yeah, but she wants a condom. So I was like, you get one.

1:31:32🔗 Drew No, no, no.

1:31:33🔗 Adam That's great. That's what happens when you're dating a 14 year old. It's like, I'm going to need a condom. You get one. You get one. Make me. I said it first. He's dating a 14 year old. You can't get a hold of a condom. He's got to ride his bike down to the drugstore and see if he can steal one. It's been like a scene from the summer 42. Hey, you don't remember that.

1:32:00🔗 Drew Yeah. Take the pencils up here, the comb.

1:32:02🔗 Adam Right. Right. Well, thanks for the blank stare acknowledgement.

1:32:06🔗 Drew No, I was thinking about this call, actually.

1:32:07🔗 Adam Andy?

1:32:08🔗 Yes.

1:32:09🔗 Adam You're 36.

1:32:10🔗 Caller I am that.

1:32:11🔗 Adam What's up?

1:32:13🔗 Caller I'm a heroin addict.

1:32:15🔗 Adam All right.

1:32:16🔗 Caller Amongst other things. And I've managed to put together like five or six days out of the last 12. You know, and the most was like in a row, you know, consecutive was like five days. And then I would go use again.

1:32:34🔗 Adam Are you high now?

1:32:36🔗 Caller No, I'm not high now.

1:32:37🔗 Adam Really?

1:32:37🔗 Caller I wish I was high right now.

1:32:38🔗 Adam Yeah, me too.

1:32:39🔗 Caller I'm sick. I burned a lot of bridges. I've been to a lot of treatment centers.

1:32:46🔗 Adam What did you do? Did you shoot it?

1:32:48🔗 Caller No, I smoked it. Yeah, I just smoked it and smoked a lot of it and like, you know, ruined relationships and very selfish person and stuff like that. And I got into smoking some cocaine in the last couple months, you know, not in heavy, heavy quantities, but just with the heroin. And that didn't help at all. So I stopped now I'm living in this apartment. My rent's up. I don't have the money to pay it. I do have a security deposit so I could live here. But, you know, I want I'm in a bad environment. I'm by myself. I'm in an apartment I used in.

1:33:25🔗 Drew Why don't you go ahead up for sober living?

1:33:28🔗 Caller I don't think I'm ready for a sober living. I think I need to be in some kind of treatment so they can treat like the symptoms that I have.

1:33:34🔗 Drew The withdrawal. Why don't you go into a hospital?

1:33:37🔗 Caller I did. I went to the ER on Saturday because I was like I never felt like that before.

1:33:42🔗 Drew And?

1:33:43🔗 Caller Well, they, you know, they at the end after like five hours, they took my blood pressure.

1:33:48🔗 Drew Andy, you have to be in a hospital for about five to seven days.

1:33:51🔗 Caller Yeah, I know. They would admit me into that hospital.

1:33:53🔗 Caller How come?

1:33:55🔗 Caller I think they wanted to know at the end, was I going to kill myself? All right.

1:33:58🔗 Drew You need to contact a chemical dependency program, get yourself admitted, and go from there to a sober living.

1:34:04🔗 Caller Okay. And would you suggest one, because like the financial support that I have right now is out of the country. So I'm on my own. I'm broke.

1:34:14🔗 Drew Where do you live?

1:34:15🔗 Caller I live in West Hollywood.

1:34:17🔗 Drew Check out.

1:34:17🔗 Caller You know, I have a lot of friends. I could get a ride anywhere.

1:34:20🔗 Drew Andy, call Impact House in Pasadena. They have some county-funded beds.

1:34:25🔗 Caller Yeah, I know Impact House.

1:34:26🔗 Drew You've been through Impact?

1:34:27🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:34:27🔗 Adam Yeah. He beat up two male nurses and defecated on the coffee table.

1:34:31🔗 Drew Call Cry Help in North Hollywood.

1:34:33🔗 Adam All right.

1:34:34🔗 Caller And they have a county-funded...

1:34:35🔗 Drew They do. Cry Help, OK?

1:34:36🔗 Caller So it's just a matter of waiting list and all that kind of stuff.

1:34:38🔗 Drew Yeah, exactly.

1:34:39🔗 Adam Cry Help, North Hollywood. That's my old hometown. They should have a... I think they have a padded room with my name over the top of it.

1:34:47🔗 Caller You know, I may be able to get some support, some financial support, to do something other than be in that type of facility, you know? Something like a 28-day or something.

1:34:59🔗 Drew I'll give you a phone number. You can call to a 28-day program. It's 626-356-2671. That's the admitting office.

1:35:07🔗 Caller One more time.

1:35:08🔗 Drew 626-356-2671.

1:35:12🔗 Caller All right.

1:35:12🔗 Adam And then cry help.

1:35:14🔗 Drew Air cry help.

1:35:15🔗 Adam All right. We'll be back.

1:35:18🔗 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:35:20🔗 Caller So get your problems ready.

1:35:22🔗 Caller Ready.

1:35:55🔗 Adam There you go. It's Loveline. What's our new engineer's name? I don't know his name. Anderson? Ken. Ken. Drew told me it was Will. Hey, Ken.

1:36:05🔗 Caller Welcome aboard.

1:36:07🔗 Adam Thanks for the finger, brother.

1:36:08🔗 Caller He's not new, he's just filling in.

1:36:10🔗 Adam Yeah, I know. I know. I know. I know. You can't be replaced. But I could certainly fill you in. We're going to take a extended break for about 22 hours. Mario Van Peebles is going to be in here tomorrow night to tell us about whatever the Hill Mario Van Peebles is going to tell us about. I want to thank Ken for doing a great job, Anderson for holding his hand and doing an wonderful job, and of course, Daniel who never smelt through his fart. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla with Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo.

1:36:35🔗 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff management sponsors for this station.

1:36:44🔗 Caller The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle.

1:36:46🔗 Caller Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback