1:15🔗
Voiceover
Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.
1:23🔗
Adam Corolla.
1:30🔗
Adam
Hello there, Loveline fans, and welcome to the Best of Loveline, the Fourth of July edition. I'm Adam Corolla, that is my partner, Dr. Drew. He's board certified in addiction medicine specialist. And tonight, the first guest we have up on the Best of Loveline is Duran Duran. Tonight, we have a sign on the bonnet roads in Warren Cucarilla, all from Duran Duran.
1:54🔗
Old favorites we are.
1:56🔗
Adam
Hot Trash is the name of the new CD. And I don't think we've had Duran Duran in here for a couple of years.
2:03🔗
Warren and I came in a couple of years ago. Yeah, it's a couple of years ago.
2:08🔗
Adam
Warren is missing his hair. I was surprised to see because you... You have your hair, don't you?
2:16🔗
I still have it at home.
2:21🔗
Oh, yeah.
2:43🔗
I've been fading it. You should see it now. Oh, yeah.
2:49🔗
Adam
I'm just saying when white guys shave their head, people think it's because they're going bald. I don't know. I never saw that in Warren, but I'm always someone hammered with the rest of his physique. I rarely look up when I talk to Warren.
3:05🔗
You should see his legs.
3:10🔗
No, really?
3:13🔗
Yeah.
3:18🔗
Are you talking about emails?
3:26🔗
Adam
Oh, blimey. I saw the whole behind the music, Duran Duran thing yesterday, which I watched. I'll tell you this. Who all is in the band right now?
3:37🔗
This is it.
3:38🔗
We got it, boy.
3:39🔗
This is it?
3:39🔗
We've got the entire core line up here.
3:42🔗
It took us 17 years to get rid of all those tables.
3:44🔗
This is the writing team. When we go out playing live, we take Wesley Miller, who's a bass player.
3:50🔗
Hello, Wes.
3:51🔗
And Joe Travis. Maybe they're listening because they're in California.
4:00🔗
In fact, it's about what time?
4:01🔗
6 a.m. in the morning? Actually, I just want to say thank you. Thank you to a couple of people, to all the girls on the airplane. In particular to Paris, who's wonderful, and to the very entertaining tag team of Bryce and Chris.
4:20🔗
Yeah, that was your masseuse, right?
4:25🔗
Yeah.
4:27🔗
They do. You know, I got one of those shiatsu massages today, Drew, you'll be surprised to hear.
4:37🔗
Adam
I know, but I got the shiatsu massage, which is something I never had before. It's like the rough massage.
4:46🔗
Yeah, it's not a stroke.
4:47🔗
Adam
No, it's for the guy who has a sore back and low self-esteem, and that needs a good beating. But the thing I was excited about, and I know you guys will quietly agree with me on this, it was an Asian guy doing it. I thought, I like it first off when the guy's nationality matches up with the technique that is about to impart.
5:09🔗
Adam
I want the judo instructor to be an Asian guy. I don't want a big Jewish guy as a judo instructor. He may be good, but it doesn't match up well for me.
5:27🔗
Adam
Yes, it's authentic when a guy can barely speak English and he's just off the boat as giving you the Shiatsu massage.
5:33🔗
What would an Indian Jewish guy be like in massage?
5:41🔗
What about when you go to an Indian restaurant and the wait is Swedish?
5:49🔗
But you know, there's a lot of trouble about this, about people being employed and not employed on the basis of race. Yes. And a lot of Swedish waiters who want to work in Indian restaurants are pretty angry, I have to tell you.
6:03🔗
Adam
No, in a time someone took a stand and you guys ought to do some sort of live aid where you raise money for Swedish waitresses who want to work at Indian joints.
6:13🔗
That's smart, yes.
6:14🔗
Or Indian waiters who want to be Swedish masseuses, right? Anything, any kind of cause.
6:18🔗
Adam
The money will go in many different directions. All right, we will go to the phone. Sarandha Rand is here tonight. Drew is the electronic part of this booted up email.
6:30🔗
I'm going to keep him quiet for a while.
6:35🔗
Jay? Jay?
6:39🔗
Jay?
6:41🔗
No Jay.
6:43🔗
It was OJ.
6:44🔗
It's no Jay.
6:52🔗
Yeah, yeah, he's just covering the time between the, you know, going.
6:56🔗
Jay, wake up. Come to the phone.
7:01🔗
Adam, love you.
7:07🔗
How do you know if you've had a cystic or a cancer? I've had a cystic or a cancer.
7:10🔗
Drew
No, you don't. Ever since Tom Green's thing, everybody now is aware that cystic or cancer is an important and increasingly important and common condition. You should learn how to check your testes. You basically sort of squeeze it like a, like you squeeze a plum and run your fingers across it and if you feel anything hard or irregular or anything that's swollen or out of the ordinary, just go to your doctor and check it back.
7:37🔗
Yeah, because like my right one, so my left one, like up towards the top, I don't know if there's a tube connecting to it.
7:43🔗
Drew
There is a tube there, but sometimes it's thickened in some people and it feels a little more prominent. The epididymis, which kind of sits on top, sometimes can be swollen or inflamed or feel different than the other side. Let's refer to the chart. So far, I've been given the thing.
7:56🔗
Adam
Drew, how about my technique of resting my scrotum on a flashlight in a pup tent and having it illuminated?
8:07🔗
Adam
Not for the faint of heart. Alright, Drew is looking up the scrotum. We're going to move on. Jeremy?
8:31🔗
Drew
But he also feels like a rock, so that shouldn't feel like rock, it should feel more like worm.
8:58🔗
Best Of
I feel good to wait until you have sex. I mean, what age group? I don't know. Because I never had before. All my friends had it. They did it.
9:43🔗
Best Of
Yeah, but I don't know if I like pressure me so much that I get like so angry that I like...
9:49🔗
Drew
Look, don't do anything that... It's supposed to be something that grows out of a normal relationship. It's supposed to be something you enjoy and you're ready to do.
10:02🔗
Best Of
Get yourself a girlfriend. Find somebody you really like to spend time with and, you know, something that happens to you.
10:09🔗
Like, no one really likes me down here or up here or whatever.
10:27🔗
Adam
Okay. You gotta go outside and meet people. You know what I'm saying? Do what Warren did. You learn to play the guitar, you shave your body, you get tanned, you start working out.
10:58🔗
Best Of
We've been friends since kindergarten, you know, and like he changed, like totally different, you know, like he's doing drugs, you know, but he's like the only friend that I feel really close to, you know.
11:20🔗
Adam
You're not supposed to like them, it says 16. Hey, Dan, listen, whatever it is you like to do, start doing it if it doesn't have to do with whacking off with a computer.
11:29🔗
Adam
And just go out and I mean, if you're doing, if you're kind of chasing your muse in life, people get turned on by that and they find you.
11:40🔗
Adam
Yeah, whether it's starting a band or whatever it is, riding a bike, whatever the hell it is.
11:48🔗
Adam
No, no. You know, I did a 15-year experiment with that. Didn't work out, it turns out. You're right. I wish I had known you earlier, Drew. Jay? Yes. All right. You're up now? Yeah. You're 14.
12:06🔗
Best Of
I was with my friend and I was in my bedroom's house. My friend was downstairs at a party and I took my friend upstairs and I gave him all sex and I forgot to ask him if he had some kind of disease or something. And I swallowed his semen and now I'm kind of worried. And I asked my three of my best friends.
12:23🔗
Best Of
I asked my best friends, hey, Zandra, I asked her, can you get it from my son? She said no. I asked my son, Emma, and they said yeah. And I don't know what to do.
12:37🔗
Best Of
But can I, I can't do anything about it. The sex can change. I mean, you know how you have the morning after pill?
12:45🔗
Drew
No, there's nothing like that for HIV. Unfortunately, you can certainly find out from him whether or not you have something to do with it.
13:14🔗
Best Of
Well, because he asked me did I want to do it. I haven't done it yet. He asked me to do it once and I said no, I'm not ready to do it yet, so I could respect it.
13:32🔗
Adam
I can respect that. Sir Walter Rollick. How about a nice BJ while I watch TV? Man, 14. Just everybody, slow down. There'll be plenty of time.
13:47🔗
Adam
I'm sure it wasn't great. Drew, you want to focus on the screen now, pick another call. Danny? Yeah. You're 13. You're on with the randoran.
13:58🔗
Best Of
All right. My question is, I was wondering if it was normal for teens to masturbate like four to five times a day?
14:04🔗
Adam
That sounds simple. It seems a little light. Did you hurt your hand? No, not yet. You should be concerned, Danny. I like to see you up in the eight and nine range. When did you get started?
14:58🔗
Adam
Well, maybe we'll hear just a snippet of it. I'll play it. Well, this is a theme. You guys may want to cover this song. It's from Taboo 2, probably 1978, 79, classic porn. This is one of the lovely ballads from the movie.
15:41🔗
Adam
I don't think you guys should cover it straight. I think you ought to, you know, put your tarantula in the gym.
16:12🔗
When it comes time to talk to your girlfriend about who you've been with, how do you break to them that you've messed around with a hooker?
16:43🔗
Drew
Why are you getting into details about your previous romantic life? Isn't that best let that be?
17:06🔗
He's lying.
17:11🔗
Adam
That's how you do it though, you see? Now, here's the reality. Guys ask girls questions when they're 19 that they don't want the answer to. Girls ask guys questions that they don't want the answer to. The answer that she wants is, I've never been with a prostitute. You give her that answer, she will be happy. You do not give her that answer, it will haunt you. Because why does she want the information? In the first place, if you really think about it, it's not to push it back in your face at some point. It's the same with guys. I think women ought to do the same thing.
17:49🔗
Adam
That's sort of an admittance of guilt. Have you ever been with a hooker? I don't want to talk about it.
18:09🔗
Best Of
Maybe they share this information these days because of the whole Ace thing. So they want to know who you've been with and try to trace it back. Maybe that's why people are very concerned, right?
18:33🔗
Adam
That's more like it. All right, Bob. I'm cutting to the chase. Just lie. Listen. There's a lot of questions you ask when you're 19 and when you get a little bit older, you don't ask them anymore because you don't want to know the answer. You've learned your lesson and it's more mystery, less history. That is my new motto.
18:58🔗
Best Of
My question is actually regarding my job. I've been a police officer for about two years.
19:05🔗
Prior to me being an employee of the police officer, I was engaged. My fiancee left me because she didn't want to live the lifestyle of a wife married to a cop. Ever since then, I've had a number of relationships, but I'm having a very difficult time being intimate with anybody. As far as opening up, feeling like a connection, I meet very, very nice people, but I'm really hard now. I'm not sure if that's the job or maybe just the experience.
19:38🔗
Yes, I am. No, not in the car. At the very moment, I'm off.
19:57🔗
Caller
Do you think that your difficulty in opening up, as you put it, has anything to do with the job that you do?
20:06🔗
The very last part of the show.
20:07🔗
Caller
Did you feel that this is your difficulty in opening up? Is there anything to do with the job that you're doing?
20:13🔗
Well, that's kind of what I'm curious about, because both of these events have happened within a two-year time frame. I'm not sure if maybe I'm just bitter in getting over someone that I was very close to, or that I've become kind of a harder personality, don't like to show my feelings because you can't let people see weakness when you're not on the street. I'm not sure. I mean, you get close to those that you work with, but anybody outside that realm, I'm having a very difficult time relating to anymore.
20:41🔗
Adam
All right. Hold on a second, John, because the connection is bad. He can still hear us. I could see that. I mean, cops have like the highest rate of suicide and alcoholism. I could definitely understand it. And then I think what happens is they bond together, and the world becomes sort of the enemy or the criminals or whatever you want to call them. But there's a certain amount of chips who like cops.
21:11🔗
Adam
There's a certain amount who aren't going to date one, and there's a certain amount who would do it just because he was a cop.
21:16🔗
Best Of
Or just meet another woman cop. There's a lot of... that's why they've got these girls in the control custody.
21:24🔗
Drew
But don't don't wear that anger on your so he is so closed off to all feeling that it is very difficult for other people to get in and reach him.
21:46🔗
Drew
It's very difficult. But the problem is though he is being trained not to feel and is getting angry. Right.
21:54🔗
Caller
Yeah, but relationships are a little different than, I don't know, judgments on criminal actions, no?
22:00🔗
Drew
No, no, no. If he is involved in violent interactions with humans every day and closed off to any feeling, it's difficult.
22:39🔗
Caller
I think one of the things that I mean in any profession, you tend to like to relate to people who are doing the same thing as you. But in something as intense as this, I think it's important to have some kind of a release. You know, and not be doing it 24 hours a day, every day.
23:02🔗
Adam
So find a felon or a school teacher or somebody who doesn't do what you do. All right. And keep working out.
23:14🔗
Adam
We're going to take ourselves a little break after this. You're listening to the Best Of Loveline, Fourth of July edition. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Duran Duran has left the studio and here comes Matchbox 20.
24:06🔗
Adam
Well, that was Tusk was the name of the song. Oh, I see. You know what it's like working with Drew? Remember those episodes of Bewitched when she'd bring back like Benjamin Franklin? He'd walk around the house all big eyes. What is this box with images in it? That's called a television set. The phone would ring and he'd give a startled look. Why is she talking into that box? That's what it's like working with Drew, minus the powdered wig.
24:37🔗
Drew
Adam, there was so much comedy potential that they put it on a sitcom. Come on now. And he knows medicine, which is really important to allow my job.
24:51🔗
Thank God for Dr. Drew.
25:05🔗
Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I'm talking to Matchbox 20. Oh my God.
25:11🔗
Yeah.
25:14🔗
I'd like to thank you for saving one of my friends' ass on prom night. I got some of your condoms.
25:27🔗
Drew
We're giving you a condom for anybody who registers at dr.drew.com. Now you get more if you go to people. Adam? Free condoms right in the middle of the room.
25:39🔗
It's like being with Rob. I'm not bringing you anymore. I'm not bringing you anymore.
25:52🔗
My boyfriend watches his show.
25:55🔗
He says that you need to move the camera angle up on the chicks on the trampoline.
26:10🔗
I love you, Adam.
26:11🔗
I don't know your last name, but I love you too.
26:16🔗
Actually, I bought your first album right after Long Day came out. Oh, wow.
26:24🔗
Best Of
One of my local radio stations played the hell out of it. Where was Heidi coming from?
26:36🔗
I'm going down. Do you play basketball?
26:46🔗
Adam
I'm going to pull something out if they score another three-pointer. I'll tell you that.
26:52🔗
I was wondering on your new video for Bent, what was the inspiration for you walking around and falling down and getting beaten up?
27:05🔗
The song itself we thought had an uplifting tone to it. We wanted to have that to be the video as just the idea of you keep getting knocked down and no matter what life there is, you keep getting back up. Then there was the underline of the idea that we had been right before we had the video. There were so many people after the Santana thing talking about if our band was mad at me or if they were jealous or if they had problems with the fact that the Grammys and everything had gone on. We thought it would be really funny if in the video we had our band beating me up. Originally the original plan for it in the original script for the video had Adam or Kyle beating me with a Grammy. Actually the Grammys wouldn't let us do it. They said, I want to use that license for the Grammy and beating somebody over the head with it. They said no go. Originally that was it.
27:49🔗
Adam
It's always great to, you call, I know how this works from the mansion, you call the place and you go, yeah we'd like to clearance to use the Grammy for a comedy bit we're doing. And they go, yeah that's great. Just fax us over a script of what you'll be doing with the Grammy. And you go, we don't have to fax the script. We're just going to be sort of showcasing it. Oh that's great. We appreciate that. Just fax it over because the script says Grammy gets rammed up ass of monkey. So you go, listen, I could fax over a script, but why kill a tree? We just wanted you to sign off on this because it's just in good fun. And they go, fine, just fax over. And we could lose the monkey. And then you go, okay, read the script, but put it in context.
28:43🔗
They just beat me with their hands.
28:57🔗
Yeah?
29:16🔗
Hello?
29:19🔗
Okay.
29:19🔗
Caller
I have a bisexual girlfriend and she has a strap-on and she wants to have anal sex with me with that. I think I'm afraid it's going to hurt.
29:34🔗
Caller
I think that you should buy a varying degrees in size of strap-ons and just start with a really tiny one and then work your way up.
29:42🔗
Caller
You can get the Tycho Starter anal kit. It's from, like, Slumko or something. Yeah, Play School.
29:50🔗
Adam
Yeah, Little Slut, Junior Starter. And it's called Anal-Buddy. Anal-Buddy, right. There's a bunch of different names, but they all make one to start with that and then you want to move your way up.
30:10🔗
Drew
Why would you do it or why would you even consider doing it? It's not something you want to do.
30:13🔗
Caller
I'm considering it, but I mean, I was thinking about it and I was thinking about all the problems. I mean, like, would I not be able to hold it in if I had to go to the bathroom or something, if this happened?
30:28🔗
Caller
You know, in all serious, it sounds funny that it's not. I mean, it's a common practice, so that's not a problem. Or else people would just be running around holding their asses all day.
30:35🔗
Drew
Well, it's not particularly healthy. You can cause fissures and tears and hemorrhoids and things, but to lead to incontinence, maybe inability to control all that, not that likely.
31:00🔗
Drew
By the way, for all young ladies who have manopression and to do this, their animals just come up with the perfect company.
31:11🔗
Drew
Yeah, which is, you know, hey, if you guys want to, if I have to serve that myself, just, all right, then I'm going to go out and I'm going to buy the anal buddy and I'm going to give it to my anal buddy.
31:28🔗
You have a little smiley face on the end of it.
31:51🔗
Caller
Do you think that that's responsible for like why I smoke? When I was eight years old, I used to shoot those candy cigarettes and how I smoke was mean.
32:03🔗
Drew
No, not the fake cigarettes. I thought you did the fake cigarettes because you wanted to be cool like your parents. But you smoke because your parents want you to.
32:07🔗
Adam
All right. We are going to hear something. We're going to hear something from Matchbox 20 right now.
36:40🔗
Adam
It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Rob Thomas is doing this trick where he takes his beer and he puts it through his nose. And Adam Gaynor.
36:54🔗
Adam
Right. Matchbox 20. And we were just talking out there because Adam's on his fifth melon wine cooler.
37:00🔗
Adam
And we were talking off the air about the... About the... It sounds like I like the breezers. The yummy phase is something that I...
37:09🔗
Drew
I wanted to learn more about this. If I'm going through it, I need to know what the yummy phase is.
37:16🔗
Adam
And here's my theory on this. I know a couple of guys like this. Everybody starts off in the yummy phase. I mean, Drew, you have a couple of seven, three seven-year-olds, right?
37:36🔗
Adam
And everyone goes through that. And then it stays with you for a while. And then somewhere around, I don't know, 13, 14, you start getting into like a steak and maybe some stew.
37:50🔗
Adam
You pick a vegetable or two, but it's not liver and it's not mushrooms or anything. Maybe a little broccoli or asparagus or something. But then as you get older, especially for men, and men do this, they start getting into brandy and they start getting into beer. And then eventually can spin out into like monkey brains and stuff like that.
38:21🔗
Adam
And some of it is acquired. I got addicted to Manischewitz wine for two weeks. Right. I was just drinking it.
38:27🔗
Drew
You understand what that is? I'm a nice Jewish boy and it's the stuff you drink at Passover. And I was like, man, I went out and I bought a bottle for the house. I'm 30 years old. I got problems.
38:52🔗
Adam
It's really fortified Jewish wine. So my yummy face theory goes that you start to progress and usually by 19 or 20 or something like that you start getting into maybe tobacco, cigars, chewing tobacco, cigarettes, hookers, start getting into beer. They start getting into eating plumb tanks. You know what I'm saying? These are all things that are yummy face. They're not on the menu.
39:22🔗
Adam
Yeah. He took one of Drew's triplets and told them to go down on a hooker. They'd be like, no way, unless you put some pudding down there. Come on.
39:33🔗
Adam
That would be a good training device for you. But a lot of guys, not a lot of guys, but some guys I've met, they just stay in the yummy face. They never get out. It's wine coolers and pixie sticks for the rest of their lives.
40:06🔗
Adam
You're nowhere near the yummy. To me, I'm trying to think, but when you start getting into some serious raw fish caviar, that kind of stuff, you're way out of the yummy. If you have some brandy, smoke a cigar, and eat some caviar, you're way out of the yummy.
40:31🔗
Caller
Every time I have an orgasm, no matter if it's sex or oral sex, sometimes I cry afterwards.
41:14🔗
Caller
It's like I think when I'm with my boyfriend it's really emotional and by myself that wouldn't do anything for me.
41:33🔗
Caller
I'm not upset. I'm not mad. I'm not angry. It's just like I'll have a really good orgasm and then I'll be like, I think it's beautiful.
41:43🔗
Drew
There you go, baby. It's a good thing, I think. Maybe one day you'll get a grasp and you'll get bored of them and you'll stop crying, but I think right now...
41:49🔗
Caller
It always seems like if you really intensely hate someone, if you really intensely love someone, the difference between those two emotions is really scarce. Everything that comes with those emotions, the heatedness, the loss of being able to think straight, all that is the same. That one little component that makes it different. It would be the same way. This is such an intense emotion that it would cause you to do something because it's this release and this unloading.
42:58🔗
Caller
Actually, I just want to say just because we asked in every interview and it was made like such a big thing. It wasn't at all. But we didn't change our name. We did it on our record. We spelled it out. We don't care how people write it. It was in Entertainment Weekly that we were the loser of the week because I made a joke that we were sick of being compared to bands like Blink 182 and Eiffel 65, which I thought was an obvious joke. The sarcasm in print doesn't translate ever. It just came out and people thought that we were just way too precious for our own good. The truth is we didn't change our name. We just wrote it differently on our records.
43:34🔗
Adam
It was just something that we wanted to have it written out and we thought it was a cool, fun little idea.
43:38🔗
Best Of
We like to see it and we had to put out a press release. That's how it works in this business.
44:18🔗
Caller
I have not drank. And then we go, but there's no alcohol in it. You go, oh, but no, I feel something.
44:26🔗
Adam
Then you do a line of baking so it'll do a little freeze with it and go. And then you smoke some oregano.
44:50🔗
Caller
We don't drink anymore, which is the funny thing. I just lost like 40 pounds because I stopped being a drunkard and I was drinking a lot. I stopped drinking after every show and I stopped having it. It was a funny thing. It was a conscious decision. We were coming here and the other times we've been here we couldn't do it without a little beer so now we're so happy when you're lost.
45:15🔗
Adam
Game on. We'll see you guys when you're 600 pounds. All right. That is it. Matchbox 20 just came in for the first hour fans. We do really appreciate you guys coming by. It's so nice to see you and Drew and I know you'll back me up on this. How nice you guys are. How little success has changed.
45:38🔗
Adam
Thanks for coming in guys. We do appreciate it. We'll be right back after this. Welcome back to the Best Of Loveline, Fourth of July edition. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. We're not in studio tonight. I'm lighting my neighbor's house on fire and I'm drunk right now. But the good news is we have Eve six. Max, Tony, John are all here from Eve six. We'll hear something off of Horoscope, the new CD which will be out end of July. We'll have more premier song and just a few. But we've got a few things to take care of first. We're talking about the bathroom and gas stations. I just want to get this off my chest real quick. If any of you people are working at gas stations, I'm currently listening to the radio within the sound of my voice or know somebody who does and know one, at least in the LA area. My message is drop the goddamn attitude. All of you, all of you, mostly some bizarre foreigners, but everyone who gets behind that bulletproof glass, picks up the attitude and I wish you just drop it. Here's the deal, say thank you, toss in a come again. Do one of those, how's it going? Give me a heart attack. Say something once in a while. You are the rudest band of mother F'ers I've ever had the misfortune of dealing with. If I didn't need gas, I swear to God I'd refine my own not to have to deal with you pack a moron.
47:17🔗
Drew
Remember this is Los Angeles though that has it like this. It's probably most major cities I suspect.
47:21🔗
Adam
Los Angeles, I want to do a poll sometime, has to have the meanest gas station attendance in the world. I would quit them against any of them. They've already done that poll. It's true. The guys in Beirut have more de cora than the A-holes I have to deal with in the Hollywood area. Does everyone know what I'm talking about? Whether you're filling up, buying a pack of cigarettes or a Snickers bar, you get that evil eye and they throw the change at you and they've never, I mean it's never, hey, how you doing or hey, you're back again. I mean, you're dealing with the same guys over and over. It's not, hey, you're back. What's going on? How's that going? How's that shaking? It's just they, it is, it's not even a sort of a distracted kind of thing. It is intentionally mean. It's what happens, by the way, when someone has something that you need. That's the attitude. You know what I mean? Where are you going? I'm going to candy bars with your cigarettes. Yeah, it's 4 a.m. You need a six-pack and a pack of smokes. Where the hell are you going, a mops house? Come on. That's right. You're lucky I don't keep the change.
48:37🔗
Best Of
Let me enjoy the moment of making you piss off for just a second and I'll give you a cigarette.
48:40🔗
Adam
Right. And here's the deal. I understand you're upset because you're trapped in a box. But here's the deal. I did not put you in that box. I'm not the zookeeper. I'm not your parents. I'm not the mad scientist who's doing the experiment on you. I'm not the college student who got the grant to keep you in the box. You put yourself in the box. So say thank you, god damn it. It drives me nuts. It's like it's not okay. I wish I would boycott the gas station that had that attitude, except for that is the entire Southland and I could no longer get gas. I do that all the time. I go into one gas station, I go, this guy's a son of a bitch. Forget him. I'll take my business down the street. Then I go down the street and I go, well, this guy just got done performing a ritualistic murder in the back. I mean, he took a goat's head off back there. I'm going back to the first guy. Everyone in this town and especially in Hollywood who runs a gas station is evil.
49:47🔗
Adam
Yeah. You get a lot of attitude when there's bulletproof glass between you and the guy who needs a pack of smokes. You're all attitude. I mean, I know you get shot once in a while, but isn't it a small price to pay for the threat that we have over them so that they would be courteous? You know what I'm saying?
50:44🔗
Caller
It was not a gas station attendant. It was actually an ex-boyfriend. I had been out drinking with him that night and a few other people. I told him that I felt nauseous, so he pulled over and helped me to the bathroom. It happened from there.
51:02🔗
Adam
Can't you, by the way, don't you just heave out the window? You know what I mean? Just heave out of the car?
51:33🔗
Adam
No, you just answered it by saying he was an ex-boyfriend, but you guys never had sex while you were together.
51:59🔗
Drew
What do you remember when this happened? Was it one of the things where you just got going and said no and he kept pushing or was it a violent thing?
52:16🔗
Drew
We got to explore why somebody like that would be your boyfriend in the first place ever.
52:21🔗
Caller
Yes. I had no clue. I had absolutely, this sounds ridiculous, but I had absolutely no clue that he was even capable of that type of thing.
52:31🔗
Caller
Well, the thing that makes it worse is he was not drinking that night at all. It was his liquor that I was drinking. He was the one pushing me and pushing me to drink more.
52:49🔗
Caller
Because, I don't know, I just kind of pretended it didn't happen for about two months.
53:31🔗
Adam
All right. So there's nothing we can do about it or nothing you can do about it right now. I mean, I guess legally, although maybe you should still report it just to get it on the guy's record so that if and when he tries it again, there's something on there. You know what I'm saying?
53:46🔗
Drew
It also sort of helps break that cycle you're in where you're such a good victim. It's time to realize that you're worth more than that and that people, it's not okay for people to abuse you. Just because dad has done that your whole life, made you feel like you're the kind of person that sort of should accept that kind of abuse. It's not all right.
54:21🔗
Caller
You know what I'm saying? Really quick. Yeah. I was calling for you guys about this incident. I have not been able to have any kind of relationship with anybody without cheating on them. And I, last summer, especially, I had sex with over 10 people within two months. Right after it happened and I didn't know if that had anything to do with it because I'm not like that at all.
54:43🔗
Drew
And it's sort of releasing some problems, some aggression, some feelings you have about man and intimacy and guys were a-holes. It's difficult to trust them, I'm sure.
55:02🔗
Adam
I'm going to, she needs to go to a support group or something, right? Yeah, Rick, I'm sure it will be great. I'm going to form a support group for people who have to deal with that. Yeah, and listen, I know we're on a national level and I know maybe, I don't know where Union 76 is based or Chevron or Mobil or any of those places, but especially 76, but Murph, the nice red-haired guy who helped to change the flat, he's dead. He is dead. Remember Murph from Union 76? He's come on out, nice big red pork chop sideburns.
55:47🔗
Adam
It looks like you're court-low. No, he's been replaced. He's been replaced by a guy who worships Allah and wants to see you dead.
55:58🔗
Adam
Believe me. And if anybody in any of these corporations, whether it be Chevron or Mobile or 76 or Arco or any of you guys are listening, all of your LA guys need to be fired or killed. Let loose something. I don't know if you're franchise, they must franchise these things out. They are colossal a-holes, all of them. Please go check up on them and do something about it. Isn't it their job?
56:30🔗
Adam
All of them? Every 76 station has a rude a-hole behind the counter? Is that all they, only franchise them to horrible, heinous people? Is that how it goes?
56:41🔗
Drew
The guy behind the counter isn't necessarily the franchise owner, he's the guy that fits the profile that the franchise wants you to put in.
56:47🔗
Adam
Yeah, so you're saying it's right in the book? You have to want your patrons to die after they fill up?
56:55🔗
Best Of
Maybe they think you'll come to the station more if you know that this guy hates you and so you think they think, you know, you want to be a support.
57:02🔗
Adam
You want to keep going and say a magic just like you know. Right, right. Yeah, I'm not feeling too good about myself.
57:15🔗
Adam
Oh, thank you. I'm sorry. It's all coming to an emotional head tonight, but I swear, they're all evil. All of them.
57:36🔗
Caller
Well, I just wanted to know. I scored during orgasm and I was wanting to know if that was normal. I talked to a few other people and they don't have that.
57:54🔗
Adam
You put the guy's cigarette out if you do it during that. Do you have an orgasm during oral sex? Yes, I do. You do, but you don't squirt then? I don't know.
58:09🔗
Caller
Usually, at that point, I really don't pay attention, but usually when having intercourse and stuff like that, I really notice.
58:16🔗
Drew
What I'm most interested in, as far as it goes to this phenomenon, is how ashamed women are who have this.
58:28🔗
Drew
It's very common. It's very common. It's not bizarre, but bizarre implies certain amount of discomfort with it just by calling it bizarre and how delighted guys are with women who can do this. Yeah, I mean, sure, it's totally delighted.
58:39🔗
Adam
Well, because they can't be faking it. And we've worked the hell out of them so hard that something actually came out of them.
58:48🔗
Adam
Yeah, it's a payday. And think about that. I mean, you women, you're unlucky enough in a way or lucky enough to have a sort of physical manifestation of our pleasure. Sure, it tastes like hell and, you know, burns your eye. And it's like, you know, ashes coming out of an alien. But the point is, is you get a souvenir. You get a spoo-venir, if you will.
59:18🔗
Adam
A spew-venir is what you get. You really do. It's something you have to take home, something you tell mother about. And us guys, even though it's great to see a woman have an orgasm, we always in the back of our mind are hearing about faking it all the time. We never quite know if it actually went down or not.
59:35🔗
Drew
Well, most of the guys are very concrete. They like to build things and get things and create things. Things have to be, you have to see it happen to know it's there. They're all splooges, tangible. It's like splooging air.
59:49🔗
Drew
So, Elisa, this bizarre thing we have has generated 10 minutes of discussion here amongst these males.
59:57🔗
Adam
I got to, but here's the downside. I got to tell you, after like the seventh year of marriage, it might get a little old. You know what I mean?
1:00:05🔗
Adam
With these seltzer bottle gag in the face, you know, if you're going down on somebody. You know, you can only flip the mattress once.
1:00:15🔗
Drew
There's a series of brands down there that some women produce enough fluids to emit, project.
1:00:33🔗
Caller
No, it's not urine. I know what urine smells like, but it doesn't smell like that at all. It just, it doesn't have like any, I mean, it has like an odor, but it doesn't punch in, you know, it just doesn't smell like that would normally smell.
1:00:51🔗
Best Of
Yeah. Well, my girlfriend has a thing called an ovarian cyst, and I was wondering if we would have to have sex with it, it would affect her anyway.
1:00:59🔗
Drew
Well, probably not. Ovarian cysts are very, very, very common, like most women get them sometime. It's just a simple cyst, that's indeed what it is, just something left behind by ovulation basically.
1:01:20🔗
Adam
We want to get back with you because your mom molested you. Maybe. But what you described doesn't sound like serious molesting. It sounds like it's open to interpretation.
1:01:43🔗
Caller
No, she never did that. She would just use her hands near my vagina and on my breasts and whatnot.
1:01:53🔗
Caller
I don't know. I was very, very young. I think it happened even before I could remember.
1:01:59🔗
Caller
Because, I mean, at the point when I was in fourth grade, I was having intimate relationships with people in fourth grade also. I mean, I would think that in fourth grade, I should not know what that kind of stuff is.
1:02:12🔗
Drew
Well, that is true, but I wonder if somebody up here maybe sexually abused you, and then you started sexualizing the experience with your mom.
1:02:44🔗
Caller
Yeah, I can. And even to this day, she still touches me and stuff and it buzzes me. And I tell her to stop doing it. And she says, Oh, you know, I love you. That's just the way I show my affection towards you. And I'm like, I don't like it, mom.
1:03:01🔗
Caller
She just like, she'll grab my, my butt and she'll like, she'll like grab my, my chest and whatnot.
1:03:11🔗
Adam
But what, what do you feel that she's trying to accomplish by this? Do you think she's trying to arouse herself or arouse you?
1:03:19🔗
Caller
I don't know. I, I talked to my father about it just about a month ago. It's the first time I told him about it. And he blamed himself because my father is gay. So, I mean, therefore, at the time whenever it was basically happening, he was blaming himself because they were having a very, very hard relationship. They were not having sex. They hadn't had sex for a long time. After that, they had gotten separated and then they got back together trying to work it out and then they ended up getting divorced. And so basically she was having, they were having no sex whatsoever. My father was blaming himself for it.
1:03:53🔗
Drew
People do not molest children because of sexual deprivation. And if that's, if her intent was a sexual discharge, she wasn't heading in that direction. It wasn't even a sexualized experience. Yeah.
1:04:06🔗
Adam
I mean, you know, whether she was trying to provide some arousal for herself or for you, it doesn't sound like she was doing either one. Now it sounds like she was a little out of line and maybe she's got some problems and I don't trust her. But to call it molested, it seems strange.
1:04:26🔗
Drew
It's just that poor boundaries. They'll listen to you. Certainly, you were sexually abused as a young child, but up here, or at least you participated in an abusive sort of relationship with somebody.
1:04:38🔗
Drew
But it doesn't happen, as you point out, that if a fourth grader knows about sexualization, there's been sexualization, overtly. You wouldn't think that somebody touching your butt or around your vagina was a sexual thing. It would have hurt you at age nine.
1:05:00🔗
Adam
Listen, I don't want to go camping with your mom. Don't get me wrong. And I don't know what she was doing. And I don't want to defend her too much. But on the other hand, you know, we sit here all night and talk to people who were molested. And they were molested. You were molested. It's a little different.
1:05:29🔗
Drew
Inappropriately touching is not a good thing. I don't offend that. But it doesn't create a child then who knows how to engage in sexual activity. So something else, either the other child understood that and came on to you and abused you or something else had happened to you.
1:05:56🔗
Adam
Who cares? I barely like my mom. She only molested me twice. Hey, should you be on some medication, Renee?
1:06:35🔗
Caller
I could try, but I don't have insurance. That's why I want to see if there's something else I could do other than counseling because I can't afford it.
1:06:47🔗
Caller
I also have problems along with cutting out, like fibrillation. I don't know how that has anything to do with being bipolar or not.
1:06:56🔗
Drew
Not necessarily. Acute mania, sometimes that happens. Renee, do you have periods of time where you sort of don't know where you've been or what you've been doing, that kind of thing?
1:07:05🔗
Adam
I do. It's called the weekend. All right. Hey, Renee? Listen, you got to spend less time focusing on your mom and more time focusing on you.
1:07:17🔗
Adam
And see about getting into some of these groups and counseling and all that kind of stuff. And whatever.
1:07:23🔗
Adam
Yeah. I mean, and by the way, don't hang out with your mom so much. All right. I mean, it's bizarre that she waxes on for six minutes about how she was definitely molested by her mother. And she still does it to this day. And then with the next press says, I see her every day. She's in the next town.
1:07:44🔗
Adam
We love each other. Different voice. And turn into a, yes. Yeah. So turn into that simple voice. So some is definitely going on there. But I don't think it was the molestation.
1:07:58🔗
Drew
Seemed like she wanted to pin something on her mom, but didn't have anything to pin on her or something.
1:08:35🔗
Adam
Yeah, that's right. There it is from Horoscope by Eve Six. This one's called Promise. Welcome back to the Best Of Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew. Do not bother calling us or faxing us. We will not be here to hear your pleas. But I'll tell you who will be here, the Goo Goo Dolls. Johnny and Michael both here from the Goo Goo Dolls tonight. We will hear something not off of Dizzy Up The Girl, but a new single, right? That's one of the songs. Oh, it is? Yeah. Jesus Christ, you're still releasing the single?
1:12:10🔗
Caller
Yeah, no, because I'm rewriting this. We're trying to buy time so we can write another record.
1:12:16🔗
Adam
I thought, I thought, I didn't even know. I thought Broadway was just a single that you guys were going to release. Does anyone ever do that?
1:12:30🔗
Adam
Like, you got, let's say you got now, like Dizzy Up The Girl has been out for a little while.
1:12:35🔗
Adam
And you're not coming out with another one for a little bit. It was like in between, you throw them a bone or something. That's what I thought.
1:12:42🔗
Caller
I was thinking about doing something like an EP or something like that. But you know, it's just kind of weird to try and write, write like that.
1:13:01🔗
Adam
The point is, is triple platinum, everyone, and going for whatever the name is for forpil.
1:13:11🔗
Adam
What do you get? What's the next one? I mean, quadruple. No, I know it goes to quadruple, but eventually doesn't it get to something? I mean, when you sell it at another level.
1:13:37🔗
Adam
We'll talk to someone, then we'll hear Broadway and then we'll get back to the question.
1:13:49🔗
Caller
Actually, it's probably more for Dr. Drew, but we had heard that the Western blot can tell you if you have the antibodies for the tropic virus.
1:14:03🔗
Best Of
Yeah. So if you know that you already have oral herpes, it can't tell you if you have genital or not.
1:14:07🔗
Drew
That's correct. But there is one out now that can. Oh, really? Not a Western blot, yeah.
1:14:22🔗
Adam
All right. Drew, I've said this many times. Can't we train dogs to sniff out things like this? I mean, seriously, people think I'm a maniac, but a dog can sniff a joint that has been rolled in coffee grounds and welded into the fender of a truck as it's coming over the border. A dog can sniff out minute traces of gunpowder and explosives at the airport that's been, you know, packing crates. They can teach these dogs to sniff anything, and it's not the substance. I mean, they can teach them anything. It's real easy. They do it with just dogs from the pound. It's really, it's really, it's diabolically simple. You know what they do? They find really enthusiastic dogs at the pound, and they take a rolled-up towel with, like, rubber bands around it, like a, like a washcloth-type towel, and they get the dog hooked on this towel. And then they start hiding this towel in where the coke is, where the pot is, where the explosives are, and the dog thinks it's looking for its rolled-up towel. It doesn't think it's looking for weed or whatever. It just associates that smell for its towel, and then it goes to the airport, and when it does find the coke, they immediately toss it the towel, so they don't get the chances. I'm going to tell these dogs they're shields for the man. They're not actually looking for their towel, but they're busting their hippies and heroin mules that are coming in from across the border. But the point is, is these dogs can sniff anything. Right. And everything has a scent, like a vaginal disease or herpes or whatever. Everything's got its own funk to it. And you say that they cannot see these things, Drew, that they can't make a diagnosis, but the dog could sniff it out. Why can't we use this? A lot of women, I've been planning this for years. A lot of women, they don't want to go to gynecologist. They want to take the panties off and get up in the stirrups and have some crazy looking Asian guy go halfway up with his right arm. But the dog could just give them a sniff in the waiting room and tell them whether they had some plunk down there, some problem down there. They can even smell cancer. They're training these dogs down to smell skin cancer.
1:16:37🔗
Adam
Yeah, because everything's got its own smell. But the other thing that's always funny is people say, well, dogs, their sense of smell is like 3,000 times greater than human beings. Why did they bury their nose in the ass? Right in the crap.
1:16:52🔗
Drew
And the thing that's all over the other side is like rainbows and wonderful things that they see we can't smell.
1:16:58🔗
Adam
Maybe that's it, because I'm, you know, being eight feet away from some fresh duke at the park is enough to make me want to sit down, you know.
1:17:08🔗
Adam
3,000 times greater or 1,500 times whatever it is, and their face is buried in the other dog's ass. Buried.
1:17:18🔗
Drew
That's how they size each other up. I think I was experienced by them. That's russians. Wonderful.
1:17:29🔗
Adam
That much greater with the scent and you've got to bury your nose in the other dog's ass? You couldn't be four or five feet away? You know what I mean?
1:17:35🔗
Drew
That's a bit confusing. What are they going to find from that much closer that they couldn't find from ten feet away?
1:17:39🔗
Adam
Especially with that. It would be like you taking a telescoping lens and then pressing it right up against the chick's boobs so you could like actually see microorganisms on the breast and stuff like too much. Stand back and enjoy. That's what I say to the dogs. All right. The Google dolls are here. We're going to hear something else from off of Dizzy Up The Girl, Triple Plant. I'm not sure if I mentioned that. We will listen to this new signal and it is called Broadway.
1:22:04🔗
Adam
Oh, Engineer Anderson. Is that a recent addition to the show, the sound effects? Well, they've always been floating around, but Anderson is really breathing new life.
1:22:14🔗
Adam
Yeah, I don't even have to talk anymore, really. Most of this is just, I have different words on different parts and he'll put together a sentence for me while I'm taking a leak.
1:22:37🔗
Adam
Yeah, that is a strong effect. All right, let's see if we can swing into one quick call before we get a break.
1:22:47🔗
Best Of
No, they don't even have to be girlfriends. They can be like close friends of mine and I'm a virgin, right? Right. And I can use that to get me off, just hearing them masturbate over the phone.
1:22:59🔗
Best Of
Like I just got back from DC and I met a friend of my cousins over the phone and already I'm like trying to get this shit to bait and I'm only known as since like Saturday or Sunday.
1:23:13🔗
Drew
On one hand, it makes it sound like I understand this. They all seem to gravitate in this direction and the way to hear about the new contact is like forcing her into it, working.
1:23:22🔗
Best Of
Well, I don't know. You could maybe say that. And like I've gotten like three girls to do it.
1:23:43🔗
Caller
I usually masturbate about this time anyway, but if you want to kind of get me going, talk a guy in the margarita.
1:23:59🔗
Adam
Oh my God. Listen, drop out of school right now. You're officially a man. You're wasting your time in school. Get a job down in the docks, get a nice picoat, put a night watch once I camp on, start smoking unfiltered cigarettes, hanging around.
1:24:29🔗
Adam
That was one of those, once in a while we get a call to the show, which is, here's my problem. My penis is so big, I can't ride a bicycle. What do I do? And it's like-
1:24:38🔗
Adam
That's just, I'm 15. I can get chicks at MasterBase. I don't know what the question was, but- Explain this one to me.
1:24:44🔗
Caller
I knew a guy, this was actually pretty recently, got a phone call in the middle of the night. It turned out it was a wrong number. This woman called.
1:24:50🔗
Adam
He somehow kept her on the phone for about 20 minutes, and a couple days later, a package showed up with nude pictures of her and everything.
1:25:01🔗
Caller
I had a phone call that was a wrong number, and this woman started talking to me on the phone and said, I'm coming down to Los Angeles.
1:25:11🔗
Caller
It was this guy's phone number, and then she started talking to me, and then she wanted to I could change my number.
1:25:16🔗
Adam
Anyone who calls you at 3.30 in the morning is drunk though, and so if you're game, they're loaded and you can work your magic.
1:25:23🔗
Best Of
She mailed the package to me, assume it was the next day and maybe she'd sobered up a little bit.
1:25:26🔗
Adam
Well, that's true too, but she could have been like on a two-day bender or something. Laura, we're going to take a quick break. The dolls are here. We'll come back, talk to more screwed up teenagers after this. Yeah, it's Loveline and Adam Corolla.
1:25:50🔗
Adam
Mike and Johnny are both here from The Goo Goo Dolls. That's us. I do want to dizzy up the girls, the name of the CD.
1:26:05🔗
Caller
Nothing. I'm just wondering about a question. I have a tattoo and it's on my breast and I was very dumb when I got it, but I want to get it removed.
1:26:17🔗
Caller
Now I want to know what are the chances that actually could get cancer from actually getting the tattoo?
1:26:38🔗
Drew
Think of all the tattoos there are and think of how common breast cancer is. There will be a headline.
1:26:44🔗
Adam
Your mom does? Yeah. But she just told you that because she wants to get rid of the comedy and tragedy mask you have put on your right boob.
1:27:11🔗
Caller
Just because now I'm wearing more business type clothes and if I have to wear something a little.
1:27:25🔗
Adam
Yeah, but how business is it to be parading your rack around the office? I know, but it's strange that you're worried about wearing business attire and showing off your boobs at the same time, isn't it?
1:27:57🔗
Caller
No, I was on my leg. I wanted to get it taken off, so I went to the dermatologist and they had the laser thing. It felt like I was being started on fire and electrocuted at the same time.
1:28:55🔗
Drew
It was unbelievable. What about... I got food in my mouth. What about Ebla Crave or Latican?
1:29:11🔗
Caller
You ever see those like stampers that with the little thing that spins around says date on it or something like that? That's what this thing looked like and man, did it hurt.
1:29:34🔗
Adam
I'm just saying, we... Dr. Bruce, who fills in for Dr. Drew, operates one of these lasers to take off gang markings in prisons for guys. And they don't complain, although these guys have been shot in the neck and stuff. They have a slightly higher threshold of pain.
1:29:58🔗
Adam
Yeah, I'm I'm I bet if you went to a guy in Beverly Hills with the state of the art, where this guy was, really, stop cramping on my story.
1:30:17🔗
Caller
Well, I didn't have anything to say to her. And we were in a room with her and I said, so I read that you're getting all your tattoos taken off. She was like, yeah, I was just looking at your tattoo. And then I was like, that's my Sharon First Nations.
1:30:28🔗
Best Of
And yeah, it was good. Thanks, Sonny. And then she said to me, honey, I got tattoos that are older than you.
1:30:41🔗
Adam
She has an accordion on her boob and she can actually make it work. All right. We're going to take another quick break with Jared.
1:31:00🔗
Adam
Hold on a second there, Jared. Jared, there's a 16. It sounds like a merchant marine who's been around the world for a while.
1:31:09🔗
Adam
We're going to take a little break. Google Donald's our guest and we'll be back after this.
1:31:27🔗
Adam
We'll take ourselves a 22-hour break, and when we come back, we'll come back with more fabulous show and a renewed attitude, a renewed commitment to the program. That'll be at least for the first break, and then we'll wear off into our usual chated selves.
1:31:41🔗
Adam
So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. My boyfriend has such a huge shalom that he scrambled my image.
1:31:54🔗
Drew
The stuff expressed on Love Live is not necessarily the stuff of the staff, the management, sponsors, or anyone else, including Once Upon a Time by Loveline, Produced by Anne Wilkins and Gold.