Tuesday, June 27, 2000

1:54🔗 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:56🔗 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

2:00🔗 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

2:02🔗 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew. I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you. Loveline.

2:08🔗 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Bruce over there, filling in for Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Bruce is a board-certified physician. An addiction medicine specialist as well as an emergency medicine specialist. And he also removes tattoos from inmates. By the hour, by the lineal foot. How do they pay you for that, Bruce?

2:38🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce The least important factor that you're discussing. It's a combination of community showcases.

2:44🔗 Adam To answer the goddamn questions, please. Did we have a discussion last night about you attempting to be entertaining? Here's how the show goes. I ask you questions, you then answer them. You don't do a long pause and then come up with some half-baked comedic answer.

2:59🔗 Adam Okay.

3:00🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce I also provide you some comedic relief.

3:02🔗 Adam Just how do they? Forget it. Shut his mic, he's useless. Tommy Chong is our guest tonight. Hello, Tommy.

3:10🔗 Drew Hey, what's happening?

3:11🔗 Adam Nice to see you. Of course, Tommy star, co-star of many, many, many Cheech & Chong movies as well as solo projects. Over the years, we're going to tell you where you can find him. Well, I'll tell you right now, you can find him at the Brea Improv. That would be June 30th through July 1st. Coming up here, when the hell is that? What the hell is the date today?

3:36🔗 Drew I think it's next weekend coming up, Friday and Saturday. And Sunday.

3:40🔗 Adam This weekend, yeah. All right. So, and what... Geez, I got a thousand questions to ask. I'm 36 years old, so I was weaned on the whole Cheech & Chong experience starting with the records back in junior high and then into the movies as I got a little more into high school and that kind of stuff. And I mean, I must have heard more of your bits repeated by classmates over the years than the Pledge of Allegiance.

4:12🔗 Drew We have, you know, infiltrated the minds of America.

4:16🔗 Adam Yeah. I guess that's...

4:18🔗 Drew Quite heavily.

4:18🔗 Adam Yeah, there should be a class action lawsuit. I'd like to spearhead that one. Sure. You know, and the thing is, as I think about it, you know, it was always a lot of stoner humor. And I guess a lot of people might argue that, well, if you hear that, when you're 13 or 14, you're going to be more likely to smoke weed. But I heard it. Well, wait a minute, I smoke a lot of weed.

4:44🔗 Adam It was a stupid argument.

4:46🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Inoculation, maybe?

4:47🔗 Adam No, I mean, I heard it when I was, you know, 13, 12, 14, 15 years old. It never made me want to smoke weed. I didn't fall into that trap until later on in life. It wasn't... I heard it. I laughed at it. I understood it. But I didn't run out to the park to score a dime bag or a lid, as we used to call it back then.

5:08🔗 Drew Yeah, well, you know, you didn't have to. You know, that was the whole point of Cheech and Chong, is that we were like the legal high.

5:16🔗 Adam Right.

5:16🔗 Drew We would do it and then tell you all how funny it was.

5:19🔗 Adam And I know a lot of the records went gold and platinum and a lot of the, you know, the movies are still big rentals and all that. Do you still get revenue from that stuff?

5:30🔗 Drew Yeah, you know, we have our lawyers that have to go dig it out. But that's the usual.

5:36🔗 Adam Are you set? Are you good?

5:38🔗 Drew Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. You know, I got I got some, you know, irons in the fire, so to speak.

5:46🔗 Adam Right. And that's just a continuous source, those records, videos, sales and all that good stuff.

5:53🔗 Drew More than anything, it, you know, it keeps fresh. You know, when I go like play clubs like Bray on that, you know, the people come out like crazy to see me.

6:02🔗 Adam Yeah. Now, do they want, what do they want? What does your audience want? Do they want the old Cheech & Chong stuff?

6:09🔗 Drew Yeah.

6:09🔗 Adam I mean, so it's like, it's like your REO Speedwagon and you've got to play the hits from the late 70s.

6:15🔗 Drew You got to. Actually, I compare myself more like with Willie Nelson.

6:20🔗 Adam Right. Yeah, I didn't mean REO Speedwagon.

6:22🔗 Drew No, but what I mean. Willie does the same show and he has people complain about it. But when he tries to change the show, he has more people complain about it.

6:32🔗 Adam Well, I mean, we all know what it's like to go out and see some old band that was hot when we were in high school. You're sitting in the audience and the guy goes, all right, we'd like to play a new one off the new album. Everyone's like, Christ, I got to take a leak.

6:48🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Unless you're Bob Dylan, he will not play the old stuff. Oh, he won't? No, he pisses people off.

6:54🔗 Adam Really?

6:54🔗 Drew Bob won't do it?

6:55🔗 Adam Well, he doesn't remember most of it, I think is what it is. So you're out there, you're with your new partner.

7:03🔗 Drew My wife, yeah.

7:04🔗 Adam Your partner in life and also your partner on stage. And now you not only have a new partner, but it's a different gender.

7:12🔗 Drew Yeah.

7:12🔗 Adam So how does that work?

7:14🔗 Drew Well, you know, see, Cheech used to do all the women parts, you know, he wore the dress and the tutu and. Right.

7:21🔗 Adam But he was still sort of a guy in that tutu, wasn't he?

7:23🔗 Drew Well, kind of, you know. I mean, there's questions about that now. But yeah, he was still a guy and he was very funny. But my wife, the great thing about her being on the show is that other beautiful women hear about it and they come to the show, you know, they would never come to see me alone. But when they hear that there's a beautiful woman doing comedy, well, they show up in droves. And that can be very nice.

7:54🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, yeah. But except for your wife standing right there.

7:56🔗 Drew So what are you going to do? She's okay. I mean, she brought him there. You know, they're there to see her.

8:00🔗 Adam Yeah. But you can't swing, can you?

8:02🔗 Drew Oh, no, no. I wouldn't anyway. I look. I'm one of those old guys. You know, I can look and get off.

8:10🔗 Adam Hey, look. Oh, all right. Let's go home. When did you guys? I know you've told the story a thousand times, but I'm kind of interested in the Cheech and Chong lineage. What year did you guys get together? Was it through music initially?

8:24🔗 Drew No. 1969. I was up in Canada. I just got fired from Motown and I was up there working in a nightclub. There was a family owned topless bar.

8:36🔗 Adam Were you evading the draft?

8:38🔗 Drew No, no, no, no. I'm Canadian.

8:40🔗 Adam Oh, I didn't know you were Canadian.

8:41🔗 Drew I'm Canadian. I tried to join. I went to Detroit and I tried to join. The best way to get out of the Army is to try to join. Then they don't want you.

8:48🔗 Adam Then they think you're crazy.

8:49🔗 Drew They go, no, no, no. This guy's nuts. We don't want him. I was up in Canada, but Cheech was evading the draft.

8:57🔗 Adam Oh, right. I sort of remember someone was running from the man.

9:02🔗 Drew Yeah. For some reason. Well, he actually wasn't evading the draft. What he was doing, he was a part of a secret Army that was up there. Just in case of a Viet Cong attack from Alaska.

9:12🔗 Adam Yeah, I understand. You need to leave a certain amount of the boys back to protect the home turf.

9:17🔗 Drew Yeah. For some reason. But that year, Cheech was the very first Mexican that I'd ever met.

9:23🔗 Adam Oh, you're sure being from Canada.

9:25🔗 Drew Yeah. Canada. We never got him up that far.

9:28🔗 Adam You still haven't seen a Jew, have you?

9:30🔗 Drew Oh, yeah.

9:30🔗 Adam Oh, you've seen the Jews?

9:32🔗 Drew Yeah. Canada. Winnipeg.

9:34🔗 Adam Oh, do you get a lot of Jews in Canada?

9:36🔗 Drew Winnipeg.

9:37🔗 Adam I didn't know that.

9:37🔗 Drew Winnipeg. You go to Winnipeg, man. Well, one of the richest guys in the world is from Calgary, Bellsburg.

9:44🔗 Adam Jew?

9:45🔗 Drew Yeah. Oh, yeah.

9:46🔗 Adam There you go.

9:46🔗 Drew He used to have a pre-fire sale at his furniture store.

9:52🔗 Adam So you made a little money through the insurance.

9:55🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce We're going to talk about Italians while we're at it here?

9:57🔗 Adam Right. Well, listen.

9:58🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Are you Italian?

9:59🔗 Adam Say what you want about it. I don't even know what Bruce is.

10:01🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Oh, you're Italian.

10:01🔗 Adam Bruce is 100 percent full-blooded geek, basically.

10:06🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Thank you, Adam. I appreciate it. That's the nicest thing you've said in the last three nights. Thank you.

10:09🔗 Adam All right. So you and Cheech, you get together in 1969.

10:15🔗 Drew We had, like I say, we had a topless nightclub up there. And the show was pretty boring. And so I was hanging out. We had two clubs, an after hours club, a jazz club, which I used to play at, but I never had a band at that time. So I was kind of on my own. And so I'd hang out at the topless club, a little more interesting. And I was working the lights. And the show was pretty bad. So I started writing skits for the girls to do, like old burlesque skits and that. And then the guy that I had doing the skits with him, he quit. It was too much pressure on him. And so then a friend of mine named Dave, long haired hippie, and myself, we started doing, you know, like the comedy. And then we had a straight guy that we had hired, an actor. And the great thing about acting is that you can hire actors for next to nothing.

11:05🔗 Adam Sure.

11:06🔗 Drew Like topless dancers, you know, they cost money.

11:09🔗 Adam Right.

11:09🔗 Drew Actors, you know, you give them a meal, that's it, you know. And so we had the straight guy, he was, and he would do all like the cop bits and that, you know. And then he, his wife found out what he was doing, so she, she hauled him away. And so I was looking for a straight guy. And then this mutual friend of Cheech's and myself, he said, well, I know this guy, he's pretty funny, he's real straight. And I think he'd work out. So I met him. I went, I drove out to where Cheech was living. He was living in a little farmhouse. He was doing underground paper, you know, sort of like, it was called.

11:47🔗 Adam He was writing?

11:48🔗 Drew Yeah, he was writing. And yeah, and so he, I met him and he said he used to act in LA, which was a lie.

11:58🔗 Adam How long was it from that point in 69 until you released your first album?

12:04🔗 Drew We released our first album in 71.

12:07🔗 Adam Oh, so it was, it was, I mean, in show business, a relatively short period of time between the time you guys met and the time you guys cut an album.

12:14🔗 Drew Yeah, well, I just got off the road with Motown. I'd been on, you know, I went through that whole system with Motown. So I knew what to do. I knew the, you know, cut to the chase, you know, come down to LA.

12:25🔗 Adam Were you like a session musician or something?

12:28🔗 Drew No, I had a band. I had a, I was part of a band called Bobby Taylor and the Vancouver's. And we had a hit called Does Your Mama Know About Me.

12:37🔗 Adam And that was what, 68?

12:39🔗 Drew That was 67.

12:40🔗 Adam Oh my God.

12:41🔗 Drew 67.

12:42🔗 Adam Wow. And well, I guess we'll just say the rest is history for now because we got to hop on the phones, but we'll get more into this. And, you know, later on the show, we can make fun of Nash Bridges if we like. You know, the thing I find most annoying about that, Nash Bridges, that horrible show, is they use the two actors' names, and it drives me insane.

13:06🔗 Drew I didn't mean to.

13:07🔗 Adam Like, they'll go on the commercials. They'll go, coming up Friday on Nash Bridges, find out what Cheech and Don are up to. And I'm like, Cheech and Don? This guy's a cop. He's not Don. Well, don't use the actor's name. It's distracting to me. You know what I mean? You don't suspend any of the illusion when you do that. Network marketing. Yeah. The guy wears a canary yellow blazer and he drives a 66 Barracuda with a hemi in it. You know, he's an undercover cop. I can't figure that show out. Pam?

13:43🔗 Yes?

13:43🔗 Adam You're 30. What's up?

13:45🔗 Caller I want to know how long is too long to have a yeast infection. I've had one for over six months now and it's annoying me. Wow.

13:53🔗 Adam That seems like a pretty good run.

13:56🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Any medical problems?

13:58🔗 Caller I have diabetes.

13:58🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Okay. Well, that's...

14:00🔗 Adam Is that what does it?

14:01🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Immunosuppression, certain medications like steroids, diabetes will contribute to more trouble getting rid of the yeast infection. And then, you know, the usual recommendations, cotton underwear, there are various things like having yogurt and reintroducing an active culture into your intestines and secondarily.

14:24🔗 Adam Now, do you just spoon that up there?

14:26🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce No, no, no. You can actually eat it and secondarily go. I see. But probably these things have been done. They've tried you on Clotrimazole or Myconazole or Fluconazole, one of the oral agents, or what have they done?

14:39🔗 Caller I don't know the name of it, but they tried me on a three-day thing and it's like it worked, but then it came back.

14:45🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce How about a pill that you take by mouth?

14:47🔗 Caller They tried me on that.

14:48🔗 Adam All right. Well, what do you want us to do, though?

14:51🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Is your blood sugar controlled?

14:53🔗 Caller No, not really.

14:54🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Okay, that's the problem. Until you get your diabetes under control, you're going to have a problem getting the yeast infection.

14:59🔗 Adam Why don't you do that?

15:01🔗 Caller But can it develop?

15:02🔗 Adam Hey, get your blood sugar under control.

15:05🔗 Caller Okay, but-

15:06🔗 Adam Why don't you do that?

15:08🔗 Caller Because it's annoying pricking my finger.

15:10🔗 Adam Yeah, I understand, but they'll cut your legs off if you screw up, right? Don't you have to amputate or your eyesight? I mean, you got a six-month yeast infection, for Christ's sake. That's not worth getting your blood sugar under control?

15:26🔗 Caller I'm trying.

15:27🔗 Adam All right, well, try harder. Listen, here's my point. I don't mean to be rough on people that have had a half-year's worth of yeast grown between their legs and who have diabetes.

15:38🔗 Drew I hate yeast infections, man.

15:40🔗 Adam We do too. As a matter of fact, with your help, I'd like to stomp out yeast once and for all. Maybe we could do some sort of benefit gig.

15:48🔗 Drew People don't realize how it affects the man.

15:51🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Well, one of the recommendations that I didn't mention is decreased orogenital contact. So Adam, you can put that as part of your campaign.

15:58🔗 Adam I see.

15:59🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Yes.

16:00🔗 Drew That's what I hate about it.

16:01🔗 Adam Yeah, a little yeasty on the peckeroo. All right. Well, okay. So she needs to get her blood sugar under control and then take it from there. Do that first. John?

16:11🔗 Yeah.

16:12🔗 Adam You're 19.

16:13🔗 Caller Yeah. I've been going out with my girlfriend for a little over three years now and just recently I found out that the other night was like Friday night that I had slept with her sister, her identical twin sister, and now I don't know how I'm supposed to tell her that.

16:31🔗 Adam How did you find that out?

16:32🔗 Caller Well, her sister came up and told me today when I was at the mall because I was just getting off of work and I was going to buy her some something for her birthday.

16:40🔗 Adam Where are you working? Hot dog on a stick? I applied for a job there. Do you know that? Where they wear those outfits? Like those 60s stewardesses? You know why? Because they paid $6.75 an hour and all the other gigs were like $4.50 an hour, but they don't hire dudes. See how hard it is being a guy? Hey, John?

16:58🔗 Caller Yeah?

16:58🔗 Adam Yeah, she was just gaslighting you. She didn't actually do it. She was screwing with you. And why would you tell your girlfriend anyway?

17:08🔗 Caller I don't know.

17:10🔗 Adam Okay, don't tell your girlfriend. But if it does come out, you didn't do anything wrong, right?

17:15🔗 Caller Right.

17:16🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Supposedly, you slept with the twin sister, not knowing it was the twin.

17:20🔗 Adam That's bogus.

17:21🔗 Caller Yeah. Because they look exactly the same.

17:25🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Nah. What was she, under anesthesia or what?

17:29🔗 Adam Why did she do it? Why did the twin do it?

17:32🔗 Caller Well, I met my girlfriend through her because I met her first.

17:36🔗 Adam Uh-huh. Was she the evil twin?

17:39🔗 Caller Well, they're both pretty cool and all. And I just like, I met her first. And then I met her sister and I started going out with her sister.

17:47🔗 Adam But John, don't say anything.

17:49🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce And paint the toenails different colors and different twins so you don't sleep with the wrong one the next time.

17:53🔗 Drew John, don't blow a good thing, man.

17:55🔗 Caller Yeah.

17:55🔗 Drew Just act stupid.

17:57🔗 Adam Yeah, hey, listen. This is through no fault of his own. He cheated. I mean, he can't be blamed for this. But listen, guys, don't cop to this stuff. I don't know what that instinct is, Tami.

18:08🔗 Yes.

18:09🔗 Adam You're 30.

18:10🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

18:10🔗 Adam What's up?

18:11🔗 Caller I'm calling because I'm 30 years old and I've been married twice. And I cannot have an orgasm on bottom. I have never had an orgasm on bottom.

18:22🔗 Adam When you're on the bottom?

18:24🔗 Caller I can only get have an orgasm on top.

18:26🔗 Adam Yeah, that's not bad. You're still well ahead of the game. You know what I mean?

18:32🔗 Caller I know, but my husband, he brought it up recently.

18:36🔗 Adam Okay, why don't you turn the bed over?

18:40🔗 Caller That ain't gonna work.

18:41🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce There are different types of orgasms. There are clitoral orgasms, there are vaginal orgasms.

18:45🔗 Are there?

18:48🔗 Adam No, but you know what I'm saying? I mean, we've discussed this before. It comes out as an orgasm.

18:55🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce It feels different though.

18:56🔗 Adam How the hell do you know?

18:58🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce I'm a doctor. That's why I'm here.

18:59🔗 Drew Do they teach you that in medical school?

19:02🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Well, you know, there are things they don't teach you in medical school. You know, some things you learn from your patients, some things you read, and then you discuss with your patients and you say, is this true? But in talking to women, they will tell you that there are different areas of sensitivity and that by clitoral stimulation, you will have a different type of orgasm than when a certain sensitive area in the vagina is stimulated.

19:23🔗 Adam Let's ask Tammy. Tammy?

19:25🔗 Caller Yes.

19:25🔗 Adam You've had vaginal orgasms and clitoral orgasms, right?

19:31🔗 Caller I think they're all been clitoral.

19:34🔗 Adam Right. So, okay, but hold on. When you're having an orgasm when a man's penis is in your vagina, is it then a vaginal orgasm? Or it's a clitoral orgasm because you're on top of him and you're stimulating your clitoris?

19:49🔗 Caller I think it's the clitoris.

19:51🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Right.

19:51🔗 Adam All right. Or as my grandmother corrected me on, true story, clitoris, not clitoris. She was listening to the radio show. She's 84 years old. She pulled me aside six months ago and said, it's not clitoris.

20:06🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Doctors love-

20:07🔗 Adam It's clitoris. Then you know how people, they give you that retarded logic. I go, listen, you can pronounce it either way. They go, we always pronounced it. I'm like, all right, you're an idiot. I don't care how you always pronounce it. So she said, a doctor friend of mine told me it was clitoris, not clitoris. And I said, what's Dr. Drew? I mean, doctor is his first name. He calls it clitoris. So we went and looked it up. And by the way, I didn't masturbate for three days after this episode. In the dictionary, it says you can pronounce it either way. So the touche.

20:46🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce But doctors like word print, like scapelle instead of scalpel. I mean, you know, when you have these really smart professors in medical school, they'll have bizarre presentations.

20:53🔗 Adam Anything to make a few extra bucks. Right.

20:55🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Can you turn that red again so I can talk to her? Tammy, part of the issue is identifying that sensitive area intravaginally that you have. Well, wait a second, your husband needs to take more time. And the position that you're in, when you're in the bottom position, you're not stimulating that area and you're probably not also stimulating the clitoris.

21:16🔗 Adam She's not stimulating the clitoris, it's not that area in her vagina, or as I like to pronounce it, vagina. She is on top of him, she's rubbing her clitoris, or as Graham would say, clitoris, against him, and that's where the orgasm comes from. When he gets on top, she doesn't get that stimulation, no orgasm.

21:35🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce I thought that's what I was saying.

21:35🔗 Adam Well, no, you said you gotta find that place in your vagina, but she doesn't have that place.

21:41🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Oh, she probably does. And her husband hasn't either, neither husband have taken the time to find it.

21:47🔗 Adam Oh, how dare you. That is not true.

21:48🔗 Caller I was just gonna say, that is not true.

21:51🔗 Adam It isn't true, is it?

21:52🔗 Caller That is not true. We take our time.

21:54🔗 Adam Yes, I know. Listen, I don't know how this works. I swear to Christ, I was put on academic probation at a junior college and tossed out before I began carpet cleaning. I'm smarter than you and Drew put together. How does that work?

22:07🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce How did you get on the show?

22:07🔗 Adam How does it work? Why am I smarter than the doctors on this show?

22:11🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Because you're doing it.

22:12🔗 Adam Thank you, Drew, because you have no instinct.

22:15🔗 Drew I got a question.

22:16🔗 Adam Yes.

22:16🔗 Drew Is there a weight factor involved in this?

22:19🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce There can be. That's a very good point.

22:21🔗 Adam Tammy?

22:21🔗 Caller Yes.

22:22🔗 Adam You a big gal?

22:23🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm not huge, but I'm overweight, yes.

22:26🔗 Adam I see. Tommy was probably playing the Tammy card. Most of the chicks named Tammy got a few extra pounds.

22:31🔗 Drew No, no, no. I was just wondering why he didn't like being on the water.

22:36🔗 So I have a question.

22:37🔗 Adam Well, how much are you weighing in at, Tammy?

22:39🔗 Caller 200 pounds.

22:40🔗 Adam 200, and you're 7'4? How tall are you?

22:43🔗 Caller I'm 5.

22:44🔗 Adam I see. All right. Well, you're on top of him, huh? You're going to kill him. All right. Listen, Tammy, here's the deal. You're 30 years old. You have the clitoral orgasms. You're still ahead of the game because you can have the clitoral orgasm during intercourse. It's just not in certain positions. Many people can't do that.

23:07🔗 Caller So I'm never going to have an orgasm on bottom.

23:09🔗 Adam Probably not, but you're slapping fate and destiny right in the face when you talk that way. You really are. You are having an orgasm through intercourse, and that has put you well ahead of the group.

23:22🔗 Caller He thinks it's my fault.

23:24🔗 Adam Well, listen, your husband's an idiot. And plus, he can't breathe.

23:28🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce You can still be on the bottom.

23:29🔗 Adam There's no oxygen in his head.

23:31🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce There are different positions while you're still on the bottom.

23:33🔗 Drew You might want to try some stirrups, too.

23:36🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah, that's true. You need to find a different way of being on the bottom.

23:38🔗 Adam You're overweight. I love, thanks, Drew. I love it when the husband blames. Listen, honey, I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at your vagina. Well, fault. I'd like to talk to it in the next room. Slam the door. How dare you? All right. Listen, really, I swear to God, I don't know what the percentages are, but I would say less than half the women in this country can have an orgasm during intercourse, regardless of the position they're in.

24:17🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Right. Depending on-

24:17🔗 Adam It's fairly, it's less than half.

24:20🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Depending on who does the study, but it's a large percentage.

24:23🔗 Adam Right. So like I said, if you're having one, don't look that gift horse in the mouth. All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. Tommy Chong is here. We'll talk more to him and perhaps more about the pronounce. We'll see if we can pronounce it, Labia or Labia after this. Loveline. Be right back. Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Bruce over there. He's filling in the beginning part of the week for Dr. Drew, who's in Cincinnati because somebody dropped a quarter. He's got a scurry over there and pick it up, but don't worry, he's a hitchhiking back because that's free, and he'll be in here tomorrow night. Tommy Chong is our guest tonight from the, of course, the legendary Cheech & Chong comedy team and many, many other projects, acting, directing, writing, and all that. He's coming on, I guess, 30 years in the business. Tommy can be found along with his beautiful wife at the Brea Improv. That would be, I guess, it's Friday and Saturday, 30th and the first. Wait a minute, first and second, I'm sorry. All right, this entire weekend at the Brea Improv. So go down there and check them out.

26:15🔗 Drew And we're also on a web page too, you know, Chong Water Pipes. Actually, we're changing the name to Chong Glassware.

26:25🔗 Adam And is this a product or is this just a name?

26:28🔗 Drew No, it's Water Pipes. We make water pipes and we're starting our own factory. And it's actually my son that's. Really? Yeah.

26:38🔗 Adam Is a water pipe and a bong are one and the same?

26:41🔗 Drew No, actually, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, they're totally different.

26:44🔗 Adam Not at all?

26:44🔗 Drew Not at all. No, no. A bong is used for illegal substances.

26:49🔗 Adam I see a water pipe is.

26:51🔗 Drew Water pipe is used for tobacco products only. Right.

26:54🔗 Adam Yeah. I understand. Yes. I've smoked many cigarettes. Or a hemp too. Through.

26:58🔗 Drew It's good for hemp, you know, the good hemp, not the bad hemp.

27:03🔗 Adam Let me give you some water pipe safety tips or design tips. And not that you guys need any.

27:10🔗 Drew Oh, no. My son's taking notes.

27:11🔗 Adam You've done extensive research over the years.

27:14🔗 Drew He's the expert.

27:15🔗 Adam But I'll tell you, that base cannot be big enough or heavy enough. I have knocked over several thousand gallons of bong water in my short life. I really have. We had an apartment in North Hollywood of three or four guys lived. And we had this like novelty bong. The thing was, you know, it was like the Washington Monument. I mean, the thing was, you know, like a pyramid tall and, you know, two inches around. And it was just like, it was like trying to it's like trying to balance a mop handle, like trying to get a mop just to stand up right on its own, like a Disney cartoon, you know. And soon as someone would open the front door, just the wind from the front door would send the thing over. And bong water does not come out of carpeting very well at all. And it makes the whole place smell like a bong, or a water pipe, I should say. So get a nice big, heavy, I like to use a couple of sandbags. Or what I'll do, what I'd like to see you use, I'm talking to Tommy's son here, designs these. You know those cement bases they use to hold up beach, you know, patio umbrellas, something like that. You know, like basically a wheel from the Flintstones car, something that weighed, you know, like 80 pounds.

28:29🔗 Drew You know what we'll do, we'll name it after you.

28:32🔗 Adam The Corolla, yeah, that's nice, that's right.

28:35🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce You're looking for investors, I think. You could have an investor designer, you know, somebody on the board.

28:40🔗 Drew Yeah, no, not really. You know, investors, you know, they always want like returns and stuff on their money.

28:45🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Well, you'd probably break enough of these things to keep the company solvent.

28:49🔗 Drew Actually, do we bring some?

28:51🔗 Adam Did you bring any? You got to have some in the car.

28:54🔗 Drew I told them not to, but anyway, we're going to hook you up with one.

28:58🔗 Adam Here's another design tip. These are all just coming to me. You know, in fighter airplanes, you ever see the side of like a jet fighter, like a Navy fighter, they have these big red arrows and it'll be pointing and stuff. It'll say like escape hatch or whatever. Big one, carb, to the carburetor because people grab that bong, they have no idea where the carb is on the thing. They're feeling all over. It's dark. The Jimi Hendrix is playing. The black light's going. Everyone's got a good buzz. They can't find the carb. Then some of them don't have a carb. They have the thing where you lift the bowl out and that works as a carb. Big red arrow to the carb. Big heavy sandbag base on the thing. Novelty bong is fine, but not the one where you're putting your mouth on like a penis or something. It's a big donkey schlong or something. You got to suck out of it. Please, let me have my dignity. That's what I'm saying.

29:55🔗 Drew I totally agree. Although a woman's Libya, they make a nice shape.

30:03🔗 Adam All right. Richard.

30:07🔗 Yes, this is Richard.

30:08🔗 Adam Yes, Richard. You're 24.

30:10🔗 Caller Yeah. I had a question for Tommy Chong.

30:12🔗 Drew Okay.

30:13🔗 Caller A long time ago on the radio here in Modesto, California, I heard a bit that was you and Cheech, and it was you guys saying something about who's Dave or where's Dave or something like that, and one of you guys is knocking on the door.

30:24🔗 Drew Oh, yeah.

30:25🔗 Caller I only ever heard it one time, though, and I was wondering if it was on an album or if it was just a bit.

30:29🔗 Drew It's on our very first album called Cheech & Chong.

30:33🔗 Caller Oh, OK.

30:33🔗 Drew 1971. It's a yellow... Actually, it's on CD now. It's called Dave's Not Here. You know, it was our very, very first comedy record.

30:43🔗 Caller Oh, OK. Yeah, man, because I laughed for like twenty minutes after I heard that. I never heard it again, never found it anywhere, no one knew what I was talking about.

30:51🔗 Drew So you're in Modesto?

30:52🔗 Caller Yeah, Modesto, California.

30:53🔗 Drew Well, that kind of explains a lot.

30:57🔗 Adam I hear they're going to take down the wall soon and let you guys out. There's these things called VCRs now, there's another thing called a microwave oven. They even have phones that you don't need to have a cord attached to. It's crazy what's going on out in the outside world, Richard. You got to get out.

31:15🔗 Caller It just sneaks right up on you, that technology.

31:17🔗 Adam Yeah, it's great.

31:18🔗 Drew Modesto.

31:19🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Defend yourself, Richard.

31:20🔗 Adam All right. Richard, go get the first Cheech & Chong record or CD. CD, Richard, stands for Compact Disc. They're these little machines that play these smaller records. They're hard to scratch.

31:34🔗 Drew You can probably get them at Bakersfield.

31:36🔗 Adam Yeah.

31:37🔗 Drew All right.

31:38🔗 Caller Thanks for the tip.

31:39🔗 Adam All right. You catch the first donkey to Bakersfield and get yourself a Cheech & Chong CD. Venus.

31:49🔗 Caller Yes.

31:50🔗 Adam You're 25. What's up?

31:52🔗 Caller Well, actually, I'm 23.

31:54🔗 Adam All right. That changes the whole complexion of the show.

31:59🔗 Caller My husband and I have been married for seven years. Got married when I was 16. We have three children together.

32:07🔗 Adam All right. Listen, I already don't like you. I don't even know what your question is.

32:10🔗 Caller Okay.

32:11🔗 Adam Go ahead.

32:11🔗 Caller Okay. I think that's kind of strange.

32:15🔗 Adam I know. But you're one of those people. It's like we've been married. My husband and I, we have three loving children. I don't know why that cadence drives me nuts. I'm just being honest with you.

32:26🔗 Caller I mean, that is kind of strange.

32:29🔗 Adam Just go ahead with your question.

32:30🔗 Caller Okay. First thing I want to say to Chong, my husband and I have enjoyed your movies for ever since we've gotten married.

32:40🔗 Drew Oh, good.

32:40🔗 Caller We really do like your movies. We have got all of them on videotape.

32:45🔗 Drew Okay. Do you let your kids watch them?

32:48🔗 Caller Hell yeah.

32:49🔗 Drew Oh, good. Okay. So it's a happy marriage.

32:51🔗 Oh, yeah.

32:53🔗 Caller Okay.

32:53🔗 Drew What's the problem?

32:55🔗 Caller Okay. About 10 months ago, my husband and I started getting this real downslide.

33:02🔗 Drew Yeah.

33:02🔗 Caller It's weird. Okay. I pretty much do everything I can, but even though no matter what I do, it just doesn't get through to him. I'm thinking that maybe he's having an affair or something.

33:15🔗 Drew It's a seven-year-age, right?

33:17🔗 Adam Yeah. How old is he?

33:18🔗 Caller He is 25.

33:19🔗 Adam Yeah. I see.

33:20🔗 Caller Actually, he's 27.

33:22🔗 Adam All right. Now, hold on a second.

33:24🔗 Caller He was born June 3rd, 1973. He's 27. Yeah.

33:29🔗 Drew It's a seven-year thing. Yeah.

33:30🔗 Adam But let me do some math here. You're 22? 23.

33:37🔗 Caller I'm four years younger.

33:38🔗 Adam So he's four years older than you.

33:40🔗 Drew Yeah.

33:41🔗 Adam You started dating this guy when you were 15 and he was 19?

33:45🔗 Caller We dated six months before he got married. So yeah, I was 15 when we started.

33:49🔗 Adam Oh, yeah. And were you pregnant?

33:51🔗 Caller No.

33:52🔗 Adam Why do you get married at 16?

33:55🔗 Caller We fell in love.

33:57🔗 Adam Really?

33:57🔗 Caller Yeah.

33:58🔗 Adam Where's your dad?

33:59🔗 Caller Where's my dad?

34:00🔗 Adam Yeah.

34:00🔗 Caller He was in the home.

34:02🔗 Adam I see. And he's a good-

34:03🔗 Caller No. My husband asked my dad for my hand in marriage.

34:07🔗 Adam Right. And to put down the shotgun. And is your dad a good guy?

34:11🔗 Caller Yeah.

34:12🔗 Adam You love him?

34:13🔗 Caller Yes.

34:13🔗 Adam He doesn't drink?

34:14🔗 Caller No.

34:15🔗 Adam All right. You just got married at 16, huh?

34:17🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah.

34:19🔗 Adam Usually when people get married at 16 women, they're looking to be saved from something.

34:23🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Right. And if you listen to the show, many callers have that sort of a pattern in the family.

34:27🔗 Adam All right. But let's just move past that.

34:29🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Okay. Move past that. When you have, when you get married at that age, you go through some major, some profound changes in your personality. And that's why the recommendation is to wait until you're 21, 25 to get married because as those changes occur, people don't always change together.

34:44🔗 Caller We also went through a marriage counseling session for six months before we got married.

34:50🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce It doesn't matter. The point is...

34:52🔗 Adam Wait a minute. Now, you had your learner's permit at the time, so you were able to drive, right?

34:56🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce No, but that's, I mean, it's good that you do that. That's an essential thing before you get married.

35:00🔗 Adam But when you go to marriage counseling at 15, and hold on a second. You imagine you're sitting there with a marriage counselor, you got some chick who's wearing a retainer, sitting next to you like a Hello Kitty notebook. She's doodling on a peachy folder, and it's like she's sitting there going, man, I'll tell you, the 10th grade is a bitch. You want to talk about pressure? I don't know if I can juggle this school, the drill team, and the marriage.

35:27🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Listen, in her defense, I bet she was quite mature for her age.

35:32🔗 Adam What kind of marital counseling are you doing? That's not a marital counselor. A counselor doesn't tell you what to do. That's a priest. He went to a priest.

35:40🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce A counselor doesn't tell you what to do.

35:42🔗 Adam A counselor would tell you to wait a little bit longer.

35:46🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce A counselor would recommend that. But they've stayed married for seven years.

35:49🔗 Adam All right. Wait a minute. I think it's a priest. Was it a priest? Yes. Aha. Oh, you're so smart, aren't you? It wasn't a marriage counselor. It was a guy who couldn't get laid.

36:00🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Wait a second. It's pre-marital counseling is what they call it, whether a priest does it or a formal counselor.

36:05🔗 Adam Yeah, but what kind of counselor is that? Like, you're nailing her, you better get married now. That's what the priest says.

36:11🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce He probably wasn't nailing her.

36:13🔗 Drew What does your husband do for a living?

36:15🔗 Caller My husband, he is shipping or receiving in a fish factory.

36:20🔗 Drew Who is he messing around with? Who do you suspect?

36:24🔗 Adam In a fish factory?

36:25🔗 Caller Who do I expect?

36:27🔗 Caller Yeah.

36:29🔗 Drew No, not expect.

36:30🔗 Caller There is a friend.

36:31🔗 Drew Suspect.

36:32🔗 Adam Yeah.

36:33🔗 Caller There is a friend of mine who comes around a lot and really does touch him a lot. I think that's who he is kind of like seeing on the side.

36:43🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Okay, listen. This is a time to see a marriage counselor that's a real counselor.

36:48🔗 Adam Yeah, real counselor.

36:50🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce A couple of things can happen. Sometimes in marriages, there are good marriages that last for 10, 20, 30 years or however long. There are periods like this that occur where the communication is not so good. You may, one person may think the other person is not interested anymore. And it doesn't mean he's having an affair. But obviously, there are a lot of feelings behind this.

37:11🔗 Adam Venus, you get some counseling with him, alright?

37:14🔗 You think?

37:15🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Oh, absolutely.

37:16🔗 Adam We know, Willie, it couldn't hurt.

37:17🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce You don't know that he's having an affair, but you've got to sit down and see somebody. And he has to make the commitment to spend the time with the counselor.

37:24🔗 Drew My suggestion is give him a really good blow job.

37:27🔗 Adam Can you do that?

37:28🔗 Caller I do that all the time.

37:29🔗 Adam Is this a penis?

37:30🔗 Drew No, I mean a good one.

37:31🔗 Caller I mean, I give him...

37:33🔗 Drew Dan, you're cool...

37:34🔗 Caller .everything he wants.

37:36🔗 Drew He's not messing around.

37:37🔗 Adam Does his penis smell of fish?

37:39🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Adam.

37:40🔗 Adam No. He ships and receives fish. That's a lot of fish.

37:44🔗 Caller I give him one every couple of days.

37:47🔗 Adam How could you ever tell if the guy was cheating? His chunk smells like walleye already. All right.

37:53🔗 Drew He's not cheating. Don't worry about it.

37:55🔗 Adam Yeah, don't worry. Back into counseling, though. And listen, there's some issues here. Right. You don't get married at 16 unless there's some issues. And you got a 19, 20-year-old guy.

38:06🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Odds are against things when you do that.

38:08🔗 Adam All right. Go to counseling. I'm going to go to the bathroom and we'll be back after this.

38:17🔗 Drew We'll be right back with more Loveline.

38:52🔗 Adam Yep, it is Loveline, I'm Adam Carolla, that is Dr. Bruce. Dr. Bruce, filling in for Dr. Drew, and this is his last night, am I right?

39:01🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce For how long?

39:02🔗 Adam Ever.

39:02🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce You don't mean?

39:03🔗 Adam Oh yes, yes.

39:05🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce I'll bring coffee next time.

39:07🔗 Adam Dr. Bruce actually brings a box of sweet and low in here.

39:12🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce It's out of your kitchen out there.

39:15🔗 Drew Is it really sweet and low?

39:16🔗 Adam No, it's smack.

39:17🔗 Drew Is that the way you carry it?

39:18🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah, he'll have you thinking I'm snorting it too.

39:21🔗 Adam No, seriously, do you need a box of, how many sweet and lows you put in a coffee at once?

39:26🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Okay, how many sweet and lows you're in a Coke or Coke?

39:30🔗 Adam I've had, you have this conversation with me each and every night.

39:33🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce I put five or six in a cup of coffee.

39:34🔗 Adam Five or six sweet and lows?

39:35🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Four.

39:36🔗 Adam Four, it tastes bitter after one. How does that happen?

39:41🔗 Drew Is that good for a yeast infection?

39:43🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce How big do you roll a joint?

39:45🔗 Adam Listen, I just got back from Jamaica, Tommy. Boy, do they roll joints over there.

39:50🔗 Drew Holy Christ. I bought $10 worth of weed there one time and they brought it in an armful.

39:56🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah.

39:57🔗 Drew And so I sat there and I cleaned it and I rolled. It took me all day. It took me a couple of days to clean it and I rolled the biggest joint ever. And I took it out on a boat. We were on a fishing boat. And I asked the guy, I said, is it okay if we light up? He goes, sure. So I lit up this humongous joint, bigger than the movies. And I handed it to him. And the guy wasn't looking. He reached over and he looked at it and he goes, look at this one, man. Oh, look at this one, man.

40:26🔗 Adam No problem.

40:27🔗 Drew It was, we needless to say, we had a good time.

40:31🔗 Adam Yeah. The boat burnt down, but they had one hell of a time swimming back to shore.

40:36🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Should we do the marijuana disclaimer now that we don't support smoking?

40:39🔗 Adam No, we don't mind that. But listen, it's like anything. Just don't, stay in high school, get your diploma and then go out and become a drug addict. That's what I think.

40:51🔗 Drew But the thing is, hey listen, if you do have a problem, this is the advice I got for you. Go to Santa Cruz. There's a surf shop there, man, that has the best connections.

41:05🔗 Adam Yeah, really?

41:06🔗 Drew I'm not saying, you know, it's a Santa, I think it's called Santa Cruz Surf Shop. The guys there, man, they're connected to everybody in that whole Humboldt County area, everything.

41:17🔗 Adam What, they're growing pot in Humboldt County now?

41:20🔗 Drew That's what I heard, just a rumor.

41:22🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce I think they're growing anything else in Humboldt.

41:25🔗 Adam I had not heard that.

41:27🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Back to masturbation, safer topic.

41:29🔗 Adam Alrighty. Marie?

41:33🔗 Drew Masturbation?

41:34🔗 Yeah.

41:34🔗 Adam You're 15.

41:36🔗 Caller Yeah, well, I'm 15 and I masturbate at the very least like five times a day. I want to know if that's like normal or if it's like...

41:45🔗 Drew Five times a day?

41:46🔗 Adam That's a bad day. What's a good day?

41:50🔗 Caller Like eight or nine.

41:51🔗 Adam Eight or nine.

41:52🔗 Caller Yeah.

41:53🔗 Adam Yeah.

41:53🔗 Drew Do you do your own wash?

41:55🔗 Caller Yeah.

41:57🔗 Drew Do you stand next to the washing machine when it's on spin cycle?

42:01🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce It sounds a little excessive. And how do you determine what's excessive? It's how much of your time is spent doing something and how much of a focus.

42:10🔗 Drew No.

42:11🔗 Adam It's really... Here's how you determine what's excessive when you're teenagers. How much do your friends make fun of you? That's really how you know.

42:19🔗 Drew Oh, do they know?

42:20🔗 Adam Well, my friends don't know, yeah.

42:21🔗 Drew Yeah. You don't tell anybody.

42:22🔗 Adam Well, they do now, is what I'm saying. So, what? Tomorrow?

42:25🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce No.

42:26🔗 Adam No. Here's... Females usually don't get started as early and as often as males do.

42:33🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce So you wonder if there's something in her...

42:34🔗 Adam You wonder if there's something up. Were you ever molested or anything?

42:39🔗 Caller Well, like, I was on the left that I used to get beat but I don't know if that really counts.

42:43🔗 Adam Well, that could cause... Who beat you? Your father?

42:46🔗 Caller Yeah.

42:46🔗 Adam And where is he now?

42:48🔗 Caller He doesn't live here.

42:49🔗 Adam I see. And you don't have any contact with him?

42:52🔗 Caller No.

42:52🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce But it doesn't matter. When you have trauma in your past or there is something bothering you like that that's a major thing, self-pleasuring is something that is immediate, it makes you feel good, and it is a dangerous thing. Not just, I shouldn't use the word dangerous, but there can be problems in terms of that becoming a focus of where to go to feel good when you have something troubling or something bothersome in the past. So I'd say if you have something like that in the past, you're starting to focus on this type of self-pleasuring, then it can become a problem. And when people get into things like sexual addictions or compulsive sexual behavior, frequently there are issues in their past like some sort of trauma.

43:28🔗 Adam I think we covered that about a half hour ago. Marie? All right, so here's what you need to do. Don't worry about the masturbation. Do it as much as you want. Don't focus on it. Right. But focus on getting a little therapy for the father that beat you all those years. And magically the masturbation problem will probably take care of itself. All right?

43:49🔗 Caller All right.

43:49🔗 Adam All right.

43:50🔗 Caller All right. Thank you.

43:50🔗 Adam All right.

43:51🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Very good.

43:51🔗 Adam Yeah.

43:52🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce You translated what I said.

43:54🔗 Adam If someone had to. It's totally unintelligible before that. Kevin.

44:01🔗 Yeah.

44:01🔗 Adam You're 16. You sound fairly lucid for one of our callers.

44:05🔗 Caller What does that mean?

44:05🔗 Adam That means awake and bright eyed.

44:08🔗 Caller Yeah. It's like two o'clock where I am though.

44:11🔗 Adam Well, just able to articulate yourself, I guess. All right. Where are you calling from?

44:16🔗 Caller I'm calling from Virginia. I mean, y'all like in California, aren't you guys?

44:20🔗 Adam That's right.

44:21🔗 Caller Yeah. It's like a three hour time lapse.

44:22🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Sodom and Gomorrah.

44:23🔗 Adam That's right. So what's going on there, Kevin?

44:25🔗 Caller Well, first I wanted to say hi to Tommy.

44:27🔗 Drew Hey, how you doing, man?

44:28🔗 Caller How's it going, man?

44:29🔗 Drew Good.

44:30🔗 Caller When I saw Up In Smoke, I was like on the ground laughing my ass off.

44:34🔗 Drew So was I.

44:35🔗 Adam Now, where did you see it, Kevin?

44:38🔗 Caller I rented it and I watched it in my room and I was just like on the floor laughing so hard. It was just like the funniest movie.

44:45🔗 Adam You just watched it alone, huh?

44:47🔗 Caller Well, I had a couple of my friends come over.

44:48🔗 Adam Wow. You got a VCR in your room?

44:51🔗 Caller Yeah.

44:52🔗 Adam Oh, my God. I would have yanked my penis off if I had a VCR in my room at 16. But here's what would have happened. My dad would have come to the door, there would have been blood going under the door. Oh, my God. I would have just been there, rigor mortis, penis in one hand, VCR remote in the other, frozen.

45:11🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce What's different now?

45:13🔗 Adam Well, there's no difference. There's zero difference. But the point is, it's 16 to have that kind of technology. I mean, we're all too old for this. You know what I mean?

45:24🔗 Drew No, you're never too old.

45:25🔗 Adam No, but what I mean is we missed it. I had a piece of bark with a charcoal drawing of a vagina on it I used to stare at. You know what I mean? I mean, could you imagine if you had a VCR with foreheads and fast forward and frame advance and slow motion?

45:43🔗 Drew I had the nudist books that my cousin used to hide in his room.

45:47🔗 Adam Right.

45:48🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce For the medical books.

45:49🔗 Adam Yeah, National Geographic. I actually once had it to a raft box. You know the boxes, the raft came in, good-looking chick floating in the background. I mean, come on. You know how tough we had it, kids?

46:06🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce We were better off.

46:06🔗 Adam Daddy jacked off to a raft box. You understand?

46:09🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Use your imagination back then. Nothing's left to imagination.

46:12🔗 Adam Yeah. Forget about hiking in the snow like grandpa. Daddy whacked into a raft box. So don't tell me about hard times. I wrote the book on it.

46:23🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce You want to go back to this?

46:24🔗 Adam No. Where was he?

46:26🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Down here.

46:27🔗 Adam All right. Kevin? Hey, what's up? All right. So yeah, you love Cheech & Chong and what else?

46:32🔗 Caller Do you guys actually smoke during the movie, like when y'all were acting?

46:37🔗 Drew Oh, yeah.

46:38🔗 Caller Yeah, actually, we were high during this.

46:41🔗 Drew In the beginning, you know, but then it started getting in the way. They would say things like, action, and we wouldn't know what they were talking about.

46:49🔗 Caller Like what about that one scene where the cop comes up to you, and like, was that the marijuana smoking?

46:54🔗 Drew No, no, no. That was movie smoke. But I know what you mean. You know where he asked if he could eat the hot dog?

46:59🔗 Caller Yeah.

46:59🔗 Drew Yeah. No, that was movie smoke.

47:02🔗 Caller Did that dog actually eat the marijuana?

47:04🔗 Drew No, no.

47:05🔗 Adam And hey, listen, Kevin.

47:06🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce That's the scary thing about teenagers. They take it all literally.

47:08🔗 Adam Here's the scary part. Did you see Star Wars? Because you didn't see Independence Day, did you? You must have really freaked when you saw that. White House being blown up, Martians taking over the planet. Listen, Kevin, not everything you see in the movies is real. Even comedy sometimes aren't real.

47:28🔗 Caller I was listening to your show. Y'all were talking about how you roll joints in Jamaica and stuff.

47:33🔗 Adam He's on vacation.

47:34🔗 Drew Well, like I said, we tried. We tried to be real to the craft, but we couldn't do it. Because you have to do a lot of takes of the scene.

47:46🔗 Caller Sorry. All right.

47:47🔗 Adam Hold on a second there, Kevin. We got to take ourselves a little break. I'm curious and we'll get to Kevin's problem when we get back. I also want to know how much of that stuff was improvised on the spot kind of thing and how thorough a script you worked off to do those movies. Tommy Chong is our guest tonight. We'll get to those questions and many more after this.

48:12🔗 Drew Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

48:15🔗 Adam Well, it's worth hearing. Yeah, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Bruce over there, filming for Dr. Drew, who'll be back here tomorrow night. Papa Roach will be in here tomorrow night, and Long Beach Dub All-Stars will be in here on Thursday night.

49:10🔗 Drew Oh, Bud tonight.

49:11🔗 Adam Yeah, they're good guys.

49:13🔗 Drew Yeah, real good.

49:14🔗 Adam Yeah, they're real regular guys, real regular. Tommy Chong is our guest tonight. You can find him over at the Brea Improv. That would be all this weekend, I think Friday, Saturday, Sunday. So go check that out. And of course, you want to see a Cheech and Chong movie. They're all over the video stores. They out on DVD now?

49:39🔗 Drew Oh, yeah.

49:40🔗 Adam Did you go back and do some narration and that kind of stuff for them?

49:45🔗 Drew No, actually Universal took a movie we did called Next Movie and they kind of screwed it up. Took out all the pot references and made it looking for diamonds. And I think what they did, they put it back to Original.

50:01🔗 Adam So you can find that on DVD. And a lot of the Cheech and Chong records are in-

50:09🔗 Drew A lot of them, a lot of them in CD.

50:11🔗 Adam How many records all told?

50:14🔗 Drew I think we did seven. Seven movies, seven records. The last one wasn't that great. So, would that have been eight? Yeah.

50:23🔗 Adam And we were talking before we went to break about how so many of those Cheech and Chong movies seemed to be scripted yet a lot of the scenes felt pretty organic and improvised and that kind of thing. And how did that go?

50:39🔗 Drew Well, Cheech and I, you know, we had worked so much together. You know, we were together so much and, you know, working our, like the, we do our records very organic. You know, I'd write down, we'd write down a premise. And then we'd start, you know, playing around with it, you know. And the movies, actually, we were improv players. So what we'd do was set up, we'd write the situation. We wouldn't write what we were gonna say.

51:09🔗 Adam But now, didn't the studio wanna see a script before they funded these things?

51:15🔗 Drew No, the studios, all they looked at, up and small, we actually funded that one ourselves.

51:22🔗 Adam All right, that makes sense. So then after the success of that.

51:24🔗 Drew After success, they don't care. Whatever you're doing, you know.

51:27🔗 Adam Just keep doing it.

51:28🔗 Drew Just doing it, you know.

51:29🔗 Adam Right, yeah. It was interesting because, yeah, the first one you presented them with, you didn't present them with, you funded that. You funded that from the revenues from the records?

51:38🔗 Drew Well, there's a long story with that. You know that guy that sits with Jack Nicholson at the basketball game?

51:44🔗 Adam Yeah.

51:45🔗 Drew Lou Adler?

51:46🔗 Adam Yes.

51:46🔗 Drew Well, Lou Adler was our manager and the owner of the record company at the time. And we went to Lou and told him we wanted to do a movie. And so he kind of put the deal together. And, you know.

51:58🔗 Adam What was the budget on Up and Smoke?

52:01🔗 Drew About a million, under, it was about a million two. It probably ended up around a million two.

52:08🔗 Adam And do you have any idea what that thing has grossed over the 20 years?

52:12🔗 Drew Right after it was out, it was like number one for almost a year. I mean, it was right up in the top ten for over a year. It grossed, I think, about a hundred million that first year.

52:23🔗 Adam Jesus.

52:24🔗 Drew And then it's been grossing ever since, you know.

52:26🔗 Adam Yeah. And that was, what was it, late 70s?

52:31🔗 Drew That was 77, yeah.

52:34🔗 Adam And so back then you didn't have the whole, you know, sell it to Showtime, sell it.

52:39🔗 Drew Had nothing. Ticket prices were what, four bucks?

52:43🔗 Adam Right. And no video rentals. I mean, none of that ancillary stuff that you have now.

52:48🔗 Drew Nothing. Nothing.

52:49🔗 Adam Wow.

52:49🔗 Drew Nothing like that.

52:50🔗 Adam Wow. That's a blockbuster.

52:52🔗 Drew And we were up against, what was it? Days of Heaven? No. What was the big flop?

53:01🔗 Adam There's been a lot of, let's say...

53:03🔗 Drew Heaven's Gate.

53:03🔗 Adam Heaven's Gate. Yeah, the big farm extravaganza.

53:07🔗 Drew Heaven's Gate went out. And we kind of helped, you know, shoot that one down because we were number one and they died and they'd spent like, I don't know, at the time, like 40, 50 million dollars.

53:17🔗 Adam Well, you want to watch these guys smoking reefer? Or do you want to see a sissy space of crying over a tiller? You know what I mean? I think America spoke on that one.

53:29🔗 Drew It did.

53:30🔗 Adam Kevin?

53:30🔗 Caller What's up, guys?

53:31🔗 Adam All right, so your question was?

53:33🔗 Caller Yeah, I was wondering, like, how long, like, sperm actually survived out of the body? Like, after, like, it's actually, like, ejaculated?

53:42🔗 Adam I think the answer to that, and Bruce, you may know, but I think it's basically when it dries, it's dead.

53:48🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce It depends on the environment. It can probably survive in friendly, vaginal mucosa, probably up to several days.

53:58🔗 Adam Yeah.

53:58🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce So you could run into some problems there.

54:00🔗 Adam Yeah, or if you're like me, you whack off into Tupperware, you can probably get...

54:05🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Spermicidal Tupperware, of course...

54:06🔗 Adam .a good couple months out of an ejaculation.

54:08🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce So, Kevin, are you concerned because of a specific incident?

54:12🔗 Caller I mean, like, if you masturbate and, like, you accidentally, like, get somewhere, and your mom, like, walks in the room or something...

54:19🔗 Adam Yeah, that happened to me. I actually got my housekeeper pregnant when she tripped and fell in my hamper my 10th grade year. Poor Rosa. She had a child. I still support it.

54:32🔗 Drew At least that's what she told her husband.

54:35🔗 Adam A child is 22 years old now. Little Hildago lives with her.

54:40🔗 Drew Yeah, that's my daddy over there, man.

54:45🔗 Adam Yeah, you don't have to worry about getting your mom pregnant if she grabs a tube sock or something, Kevin. But a good question, coming from the guy who thinks all movies are real, by the way.

54:55🔗 Drew Yeah, a question, sir.

54:56🔗 Caller Hey, Tommy.

54:57🔗 Drew Yeah.

54:57🔗 Caller Well, y'all haven't come out with a Cheech & Chong 2000, something like that, like a grand finale or something, like an ending? We were...

55:05🔗 Drew We've been talking... There's been a lot of talk. We've been offered some pretty incredible amounts of money to do it. But Cheech is, you know, he's sort of committed to the Don Johnson story.

55:20🔗 Adam Yeah. Whatever. What is that? I mean, what's your relationship like now with him? Do you guys, did you talk?

55:27🔗 Drew Well, it was kind of thawing out. And then I did an interview just recently for a calendar section. And I'd said that Cheech was a big sellout. So I don't think he's talking to me now for a while.

55:39🔗 Adam And I imagine, I mean, you know, here's the thing I can't figure out about that guy. I understand if he finds Jesus Christ or something, and he's living up in Oregon on a few acres, and he's left the Hollywood scene behind him, or it just doesn't bode with his sensibilities because of some religious convictions or something. But he's doing Nash bridges. I mean, it's not as if he's raised his art level. You know what I mean? I mean, it's not like Cheech & Chong is a step back for him. He's doing Nash bridges, for Christ's sake.

56:18🔗 Drew Well, for him, you see, you got to understand Cheech. He went to college. His education kicked in pretty heavy, and he was meant to wear a suit as far as he was concerned. He didn't want to wear the little t-shirt with the little watch cap. He wanted to wear the suit. He wanted to be a leading man.

56:38🔗 Adam But I mean, if, and I don't know where, I don't know if it's movies, I don't know if it's Las Vegas, but I mean, if you guys got together, and you said, Cheech, listen, I know some guys over at the MGM Grand, you know, we can work there two weekends and really clean up. I mean, I imagine they'd throw some serious money your way for a Cheech & Chong reunion.

57:03🔗 Drew We got offered a lot of money. We almost got together, but actually I turned it down.

57:09🔗 Adam When was this?

57:10🔗 Drew This was maybe six, seven years ago. We got offered like 100 grand a show, $100,000 a show.

57:17🔗 Adam Really? And now why did you turn it down back then?

57:20🔗 Drew He wanted to do it, but he didn't want to do the little clubs first.

57:23🔗 Adam Right, he didn't want to work it out.

57:24🔗 Drew He didn't want to work it out. He just wanted to go grab the money and, you know, and split. And, you know, I mean, we worked the small clubs, you know, for years, years. And then I went back on, I'd been back since 91. And that was, say, around 94, 95, something like that. So I'd put my time in, you know. And I knew that if we were going to go back together, that you have to put some time in, you know. And he didn't want to do it.

57:51🔗 Adam Well, I just imagine, I would assume that one day in the not-too-distant future, there would probably be a Cheech & Chong reunion, either via movie or on stage somewhere. It just seems like it's almost inevitable.

58:08🔗 Drew Yeah, it depends. It depends. Well, actually, we did a South Park episode.

58:14🔗 Adam Oh, was Cheech in that as well?

58:16🔗 Drew Yeah. In fact, I did it, what, yesterday? It's going to be on tomorrow. It's going to be on tomorrow and we played Cheech & Chong. I didn't know about it. They didn't tell me that Cheech was doing it too, but he was recording his part up in San Francisco. I did my part here and it was very funny. I said, oh, Cheech is doing it because they didn't tell me. They said, you have a problem? I said, not at all.

58:39🔗 Adam Did they tell him you were doing it? Yeah. He went ahead and did it?

58:42🔗 Drew He went ahead and did it. And he was this Chicano self because that's what happened with the act. He told me that he didn't want to do that Chicano lowrider anymore because Luis Valdez, his pseudo director, told him that it was detrimental to the Mexican people that he did that little.

59:04🔗 Adam I see. He was selling out his Latino brethren.

59:07🔗 Drew Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

59:08🔗 Adam Yeah. Okay.

59:09🔗 Drew I've always hated that attitude.

59:12🔗 Adam Yeah, I did too. Listen, I always think it's a bunch of nonsense too because, first off, you're supposed to be funny. It drives me nuts when people just sort of hide behind that stuff. But it's like Paul Rodriguez is probably the most famous Mexican comedian. Second only to Juan Valdez. Paul, I'd see the guy interviewed and he'd be talking about the Chicano lifestyle and being true to his brethren and all this kind of stuff. And then he'd get out there and he'd pull up a switchblade and go, I carry this, the Mexican Express card. And I'd think, hey, Paul, come on, brother, what are you talking about? You just make a living, everybody.

59:52🔗 Drew Well, they'd be complaining about not having, being Mexicans on television. And I said, hey, you guys got your own channels.

1:00:00🔗 Adam Yeah, you got your whole goddamn channel. And what about those cameras out by the border? Come on. You see that on Channel 5 every once in a while, the infrared camera? Yeah, that's not Mexicans on TV. I don't know what is. Real TV. That's right. That's right. Running to get their sag cards. Aaron?

1:00:19🔗 Oh, my gosh.

1:00:19🔗 Adam You're 18.

1:00:21🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:00:21🔗 Adam We should really run for some sort of office. We really should, Tommy. You and I together with our political views.

1:00:27🔗 Drew I think so. I want to be drug czar. That's what I want to be. I think I could really.

1:00:31🔗 Adam Yeah, who better?

1:00:32🔗 Drew Who better? Right.

1:00:33🔗 Adam Aaron?

1:00:34🔗 Caller Yes.

1:00:34🔗 Adam What's up with you?

1:00:35🔗 Caller Well, first, can I say that Tommy Chong, you're great.

1:00:37🔗 Drew Thanks, man.

1:00:38🔗 Caller And I think my favorite role you ever played was Red on National Lampoon.

1:00:42🔗 Drew Oh, yeah. I've been getting a lot of.

1:00:45🔗 Caller I love that character.

1:00:46🔗 Caller What a great character.

1:00:47🔗 Drew Yeah, that was a fun movie.

1:00:49🔗 Caller Yeah, I really enjoyed that.

1:00:50🔗 Adam Which movie?

1:00:51🔗 Drew National Lampoon Senior Trip.

1:00:54🔗 Adam Oh, yes, yes.

1:00:55🔗 Caller Yeah, that was a great movie. And Adam, for you, I am sitting in my workshop and sitting right in front of me is the airplane that I just successfully flew today.

1:01:03🔗 Adam Ah, a model airplane.

1:01:05🔗 Caller Oh, yes.

1:01:05🔗 Adam Yes, it's a hobby of mine. I pretty much did it because it gets the chicks. I love a guy who flies a model airplane. No.

1:01:14🔗 Caller No.

1:01:14🔗 Adam They despise it.

1:01:15🔗 Drew I was going to say, really?

1:01:16🔗 Adam What do you got there, Aaron?

1:01:18🔗 Caller It's a Sukhoi with an OS-32.

1:01:20🔗 Adam Oh, and what's the wingspan on that, baby?

1:01:24🔗 Caller It is about 50 inches.

1:01:26🔗 Adam All right. You need a little more engine than a 32 on there.

1:01:29🔗 Caller It's plenty of power.

1:01:30🔗 Adam All right.

1:01:32🔗 Drew All right.

1:01:32🔗 Adam What size fuel tank you got?

1:01:34🔗 Caller It's about six ounces.

1:01:35🔗 Adam You're only going to fly a thing for six, seven minutes.

1:01:38🔗 Drew You guys amaze me with the airplanes and that. I tried and I'd get so far that I get really pissed off.

1:01:46🔗 Caller And I'm building a one.

1:01:47🔗 Drew So I get my BB gun and just throw it in the air and just blow it away.

1:01:51🔗 Adam You're rich. You can do that stuff. All right, Aaron. So what's going on?

1:01:55🔗 Caller Well, like I said, I'm 18. And rather embarrassingly, I have a four and a half inch penis.

1:02:02🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:02:03🔗 Caller And I'm six, seven, about 300 pounds.

1:02:06🔗 Adam All right. So your penis is about two pounds lighter than it should be, right?

1:02:10🔗 Caller Right.

1:02:11🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:02:14🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:02:14🔗 Adam And you measured it's four and a half.

1:02:16🔗 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:02:17🔗 Adam And that would be erect.

1:02:19🔗 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:02:20🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah. That's rough. It's rough on a big guy like yourself.

1:02:24🔗 Caller You believe me. I know.

1:02:25🔗 Adam Yeah. Now have you been with a few women?

1:02:28🔗 Caller Unfortunately, no. In fact, the one girlfriend I've only had dumped me on prom night for a fat black chick.

1:02:35🔗 Adam Oh, I see. Well, it happens, though, most everyone in high school.

1:02:37🔗 Caller No, at the party. She like went upstairs before she dumped me and had her little fun and then dumped me.

1:02:42🔗 Adam I see. Well, you know, she probably wasn't marriage material anyway. She dumped you for a fat black chick on prom night.

1:02:50🔗 Caller Yeah. Well, listen. I'm going to college this fall. I just graduated and I don't know what to expect if I ever.

1:02:57🔗 Adam All right. Well, listen, Aaron, Aaron, listen. Nobody knows you have a small penis until they actually see with your pants down, right? They're away. So don't walk around with the posture of a man with a small penis. You know, you got to hold your head up part of the pun. You know what I'm saying? And women are pretty good about that stuff. They're more mature than men. You're going to have to double down on the oral sex. There's no doubt about that. But women will not hold that against you. Most women.

1:03:27🔗 Drew And there's strap-ons too.

1:03:29🔗 Adam Sure.

1:03:29🔗 Drew So you can get any size you want, brother. Any color you want, too.

1:03:35🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce How's your physical health otherwise? Do you exercise?

1:03:38🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:03:38🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce I don't know what your body frame is. Sounds like you might be a little overweight.

1:03:41🔗 Caller No. I mean, I'll be the first to admit I'm a little bit, but I lift weights and I'm huge. I mean, I've got a 52-inch chest and 19-inch neck.

1:03:52🔗 Drew You're not doing steroids, are you?

1:03:54🔗 Caller No, no, no, not at all.

1:03:55🔗 Caller I'm just my, that's the way I am. And I don't even lift very hard.

1:03:59🔗 Drew Because I know a lot of bodybuilders, you know, that do have very small penises.

1:04:03🔗 Caller I'm not really a bodybuilder. I just kind of lift weights to keep healthy.

1:04:07🔗 Adam All right.

1:04:07🔗 Caller And I'm huge. And it's, I don't know.

1:04:09🔗 Adam All right, Aaron, here's the deal. Forget about the penis size, non-factor right now. Your main size is a bigger factor. Some women don't like it. Some do. And you'll find one that does. And she'll love you a small penis and all.

1:04:23🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce And none of the penis extenders or any of those things work. They're all bogus.

1:04:27🔗 Adam And the good news is, though, is any guy makes fun of you, you can just kick his ass.

1:04:31🔗 Drew Yeah. And strap-ons.

1:04:33🔗 Adam Yeah. I came up with an invention.

1:04:35🔗 Drew And actually, if you're gay, your partner will really be glad.

1:04:40🔗 Adam With the strap-on or the small penis?

1:04:41🔗 Drew It won't hurt as much.

1:04:43🔗 Adam Yeah. I came up with the strap-on asshole the other day. Which is when someone wants to break out the strap-on penis, I say, hold on. I break out the strap-on asshole. I might just strap it to the dog or the refrigerator. I can watch TV and they can go at it.

1:05:03🔗 Drew Strap-on asshole. That sounds like an old... I won't go there.

1:05:08🔗 Adam Jake, you're 16. What's up?

1:05:12🔗 Caller I had sex with my girlfriend and the condom broke. I want to know how effective the morning after pill will be. Tomorrow.

1:05:19🔗 We had sex yesterday.

1:05:21🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce 72 hours. Do you have access to it?

1:05:25🔗 Yeah.

1:05:25🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Okay. It's very effective. And it's a matter of just getting to the physician and getting the prescription.

1:05:34🔗 Adam What time yesterday?

1:05:36🔗 Caller Around noon.

1:05:37🔗 Adam All right. So it's been a day and a half, right?

1:05:40🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce How old's your girlfriend?

1:05:41🔗 Caller 16.

1:05:42🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Okay. Is there a problem getting the morning after pill?

1:05:44🔗 Caller No.

1:05:45🔗 Caller I don't think so.

1:05:46🔗 Drew What brand of condoms were you wearing?

1:05:48🔗 Caller Trojan.

1:05:49🔗 Drew Oh, well. Better write them a little note.

1:05:52🔗 Adam Yeah. Write it. Do what I do. You write it in semen. And then they use a black light to read it. It's great. I couldn't get my last name in. I just Adam C and then I ran out.

1:06:06🔗 Drew And you sent him the condom, too.

1:06:08🔗 Adam I probably should have just started instead of To Whom It May Concern. All right. Go get that morning after pill. You can go to Planned Parenthood and they should be able to hook you up as well. But do it. Definitely do it tomorrow morning. Todd?

1:06:24🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:06:25🔗 Adam You're 14.

1:06:27🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:06:27🔗 Adam That's good. What's up?

1:06:29🔗 Caller I smoke weed a lot.

1:06:31🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:06:32🔗 Caller Yeah, a lot.

1:06:33🔗 Drew 14.

1:06:34🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:06:35🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:06:35🔗 Caller Go ahead. I just smoke it a lot and I want to know what the long-term effects of that are.

1:06:41🔗 Adam Well, we have an expert here. He can't remember.

1:06:45🔗 Drew I'm sorry.

1:06:45🔗 Caller What was the question?

1:06:47🔗 Adam Tommy, when did you start smoking weed?

1:06:50🔗 Drew I started when I was 18, I guess. Yeah, something like that. 1718. There's not long-term, there's immediate effects. If you smoke a lot, that means you spend a lot, right?

1:07:04🔗 Caller Yeah. Well, I just ran out of money today.

1:07:06🔗 Drew Yeah. Well, the problem was with potheads that smoke a lot, they don't realize you're just wasting a lot of money. Because you're not really going to get much higher than your first toke. So if you're really smart. Yeah, well, that's the whole thing. Don't be greedy about it, you know. I mean, it really is medication. And you should treat it like medication.

1:07:29🔗 Adam Well, you see, that's the thing I could never figure out either, which is I have half a bong load and I'm good. I mean, I'm baked and that's it.

1:07:38🔗 Drew A toke or two.

1:07:39🔗 Adam Yeah. I'm stoned.

1:07:41🔗 Drew That's it.

1:07:41🔗 Adam You know, the joint goes around two times. I'm stoned. And I'm not going to get any more stoned for about another two or three hours.

1:07:48🔗 Drew And you're not. And you're just fooling yourself. And if you do, you're really wasting it, you know. And so...

1:07:54🔗 Adam But further, more over there, Todd, you're fourteen. Yeah. You got a lot of stuff you're supposed to be doing before you start taking drugs.

1:08:03🔗 Caller Yeah. And Adam?

1:08:04🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:08:05🔗 Caller Dude, you're the bomb, dude.

1:08:06🔗 Adam Yeah, but thanks. But listen, I'm the bomb. And I'm telling you, I wasn't smoking weed when I was fourteen. And I don't think it's a good idea. I really think you should get off it. And if you want to rediscover it as an adult, that's fine. But it's going to...

1:08:21🔗 Drew At least quit to see that you can do it. There's no adverse effects. When you do quit, you start remembering stuff. Everything seems clear. Just quit, just to see how you feel about it.

1:08:37🔗 Caller I haven't smoked weed for like two weeks, and then I did it again at night because I got some money.

1:08:42🔗 Adam Uh-huh.

1:08:43🔗 Drew That usually happens. I think we're talking about an addictive personality here. So be careful. At least it's not alcohol. Alcohol, you would have a problem with weed. Just walk away. Just leave it alone for a while.

1:08:57🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Todd, it sounds like you're a little bit fixated on the whole smoking pot thing.

1:09:01🔗 Adam Yeah, he is.

1:09:02🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Any family history of addictions?

1:09:04🔗 Adam No, boy. Todd?

1:09:06🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm there.

1:09:06🔗 Adam Your parents are alcoholics?

1:09:08🔗 Caller My stepdad was an alcoholic.

1:09:10🔗 Adam That doesn't count.

1:09:11🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce You know about your dad?

1:09:13🔗 Adam Oh, yeah. Listen, your real dad was an alcoholic, too, because your mom wouldn't have married your stepdad. He was an alcoholic.

1:09:18🔗 Caller Well, I don't even know my stepdad, but my grandfather just recently got over drinking.

1:09:23🔗 Adam He doesn't know his real dad. Yeah. OK, listen, Todd, you have alcoholism in your family, right?

1:09:30🔗 Caller Yeah, but it wasn't like when he was young. Listen, it started like a couple of months ago because his wife divorced him.

1:09:38🔗 Adam That's not true. OK, listen to me, Todd, you're going to be addicted to something. You already are, possibly. You got to keep an eye on yourself.

1:09:47🔗 Caller Well, I think a little bit of acid.

1:09:49🔗 Adam All right. Todd, listen, you're going to need your brain later on. You will. Todd, seriously, let me just explain this. You're not a genius anyway. You understand? Yeah. You would have had difficulty going to college and getting a good job as it is. Now, it's going to be next to impossible. I feel the need to give this speech just one more time. I do it every couple of weeks here. Here's the deal with drugs and people. I know we like to think that everyone's special and everyone's unique. Here's the deal. Some people are smart and there's a lot of dumb people out there. There's a lot of pretty stupid people. I mean, go walk around, everybody. There's a lot of idiots. And that's what they call IQ. There's the people up there with the 150 IQ, and then there's us and you. And that's people 100 range. Now, if the people with the 150 IQ, like Tim Leary and guys like that, want to do acid and weed and do as much of it as they can get their hands on, fine, that knocks them down to about 125. Still, smart enough to get a job. But if your IQ is around 100, and you do a bunch of acid when you're 14 and smoke a ton of weed, you'll get knocked down to 75. Now you're retarded.

1:11:10🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Or if you started.

1:11:10🔗 Adam And you can't get a job. And like I said, a lot of these guys would have difficulty even without the drugs. Let your brain dry. It's still wet when you're 14. You can't carve your initials in it with a stick at 14. Let it dry. Stay off the drugs, Todd. Get yourself established. And then if you want to do it, you're a responsible adult. God bless you. All right, Bruce, pick another call there. Thank you. Adrian? Yeah. I mean, I mean, like, like Tommy and Cheech, these guys have smoked a ton of weed, but these guys are smart guys. Do you know what I mean? I mean, you're an intelligent guy. God knows you probably would have come up with a cure from cancer if you didn't smoke that 150-pound joint in Jamaica.

1:11:59🔗 Drew No, we haven't. It is plot.

1:12:01🔗 Adam Well, there you go. Through research.

1:12:03🔗 Drew It's a cure, yeah.

1:12:04🔗 Adam Adrian?

1:12:05🔗 Caller Yeah?

1:12:05🔗 Adam You're 16. What's up? All right.

1:12:07🔗 Caller I had a question.

1:12:09🔗 Caller Is masturbation makes your penis any bigger?

1:12:11🔗 Adam No.

1:12:11🔗 Caller No?

1:12:12🔗 Adam Believe me, I know.

1:12:13🔗 Caller Really?

1:12:14🔗 Adam As much as Tommy knows about weed, I know about masturbation. Maybe more. Sorry if that offends you, but maybe more.

1:12:20🔗 Drew Unless you change hands regularly.

1:12:22🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:12:23🔗 Drew You can do the switch here.

1:12:24🔗 Caller I guess two, three times?

1:12:27🔗 Adam Two, three times, they know. Will not make your penis bigger.

1:12:30🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce No. There are theories that have come up that it increases testosterone.

1:12:33🔗 Drew A good-looking girl will make your penis bigger.

1:12:36🔗 Adam Right. Until the bus door closes and it drives away, and then it will go back down again. All right. We will take ourselves a little break. Tommy Chong is our guest tonight, and we'll be back after this.

1:12:51🔗 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. We'll be right back.

1:13:23🔗 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Bruce. Dr. Drew will be in tomorrow night. Back from wherever hell, I guess, is where he was at. Long Beach Dub All-Stars will be in here a little bit later on this week. We have Tommy Chong in here tonight. You can see him all this weekend at the Brea Improv. Also, you can check out some of his son's work on chongglass.com. They make water tobacco pipes, apparently. Much more pleasant way of smoking a cigarette is via the water tobacco pipe. And also, and I don't know what the affiliation is, but I'm going to say santa cruz surf.com.

1:14:13🔗 Drew They'll be carrying some of our water pipes.

1:14:16🔗 Adam I see. And where are these water pipes actually manufactured?

1:14:20🔗 Drew They're going to be, well, right now, they're being made in Seattle.

1:14:24🔗 Adam Oh, really?

1:14:24🔗 Drew But we're bringing the guy down here. We're starting our own factory right here in LA.

1:14:28🔗 Adam And are most of them glass?

1:14:31🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:14:31🔗 Adam Yeah, that's the way to go.

1:14:33🔗 Drew Yeah, glass is the best. And I carve wood pipes myself, like, and I make bamboo pipes.

1:14:41🔗 Adam You do?

1:14:42🔗 Drew Yeah. But mine are very expensive, because they're one of a kind.

1:14:45🔗 Adam Right.

1:14:45🔗 Drew Tommy Chong pipes.

1:14:47🔗 Adam That's an interesting little sideline.

1:14:50🔗 Drew It is. It's great, because you test them out, and then you're screwed for the day.

1:14:55🔗 Adam How much would one of your bamboo collectibles go for?

1:14:59🔗 Drew I'm going to start around a thousand bucks.

1:15:01🔗 Adam Really?

1:15:02🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:15:03🔗 Adam You got to be pretty high to buy one.

1:15:05🔗 Drew No, I'm pretty rich.

1:15:06🔗 Adam Yeah. No, I could see that. I mean, that'd be a cool item to pull out.

1:15:13🔗 Drew The thing is, the more you ask for them, the more valuable they are to people.

1:15:19🔗 Adam Then one day when you pass away, then they're really valuable. Yeah. That Chong bong that you paid a grand for is going for 1.5 million at Southerby.

1:15:30🔗 Drew At least. At least. I'm going to do one. I'm going to do a million dollar pipe.

1:15:36🔗 Adam Yeah. Let me ask you, when you do a bamboo bong, what's on the bottom? Is that the bamboo that blocks the bottom off?

1:15:47🔗 Drew It's very natural. It has a very natural thing.

1:15:49🔗 Adam Yeah. They have shelves built into them, like every foot and a half or something like that.

1:15:54🔗 Drew It's as if God said, you know what? This would make a great bong.

1:15:59🔗 Adam Yeah. God invented.

1:16:01🔗 Drew Yeah. You can put them all together. I bought a Chinese water pipe. They go back centuries in China. Yeah. I collect old opium pipes, water pipes.

1:16:13🔗 Adam So does Dr. Drew. It's interesting.

1:16:15🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Doesn't he?

1:16:15🔗 Adam No, he doesn't. I just made that up. He collects old free base pipes actually.

1:16:24🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce From dead patients.

1:16:25🔗 Drew Have you ever free based? Have you ever done that?

1:16:27🔗 Adam No. Wait a minute. Yeah, I have.

1:16:29🔗 Drew You did?

1:16:29🔗 Adam Yeah, one time when I was living in an apartment in North Hollywood. Oh, Jesus. I really should have killed myself at least 10 times by now. I was living in my North Hollywood apartment, my one bedroom with my three roommates. I was probably 18 or 19. I had a friend who worked at Graveyard Shift and I worked construction. So as I was getting out of bed at 6.15 in the morning, he'd be rolling in. He'd get in at like 5.45 or whatever. One morning, I walked into the kitchen and he's sitting with another guy who we worked with at the print factory. They both worked at Graveyard Shift and they're free-basing at the kitchen table at like 6.30 in the morning. I'm in my underpants with an erection and I came stumbling into the kitchen and they were just sitting there free-basing. So you tried it? Yeah. I was like, hey, what's up? They're like, hey, Adam, that's Stu. He works the main press. Hey, yeah, nice to meet you. Hey, you want a free base? I was like, all right. It was smoking also out of like a rubber gas pipe from the garage or something. God knows.

1:17:38🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Brain damage.

1:17:39🔗 Adam Yeah, God knows what. I really I could have, I could have done something had I not done it. Did you work that day? That was the one time I did it. It didn't do too much. I just went to work.

1:17:48🔗 Drew I don't know. I've managed to stay away from all that stuff. I had too many friends that were like junkies, you know, and I look at them and go I don't think I want to sit there with my nose running.

1:18:00🔗 Adam Well, I mean, here, you know, I have the same feeling about, you know, rock cocaine as I do about heroin and just a few other drugs, which is here's your two alternatives. It's one of two things could happen. You could vomit or maybe have a seizure and die, or you could really get off on it. Either way, it's bad. I mean, I wouldn't want to do a free base rock or heroin and go, my God, I love this. This is the greatest thing ever. I mean, you're screwed, right?

1:18:29🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:18:30🔗 Adam So I figure I figured just to leave it alone. So except for that one time, you know, it's many years ago.

1:18:36🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce You probably just inhaled something.

1:18:37🔗 Adam I was probably just I was probably just smoking like vulcanized rubber.

1:18:42🔗 Drew How about you? What's your have you done acid?

1:18:45🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce No.

1:18:45🔗 Adam Bruce, you sold rock in college, didn't you?

1:18:49🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah, it was my rock collection, I think.

1:18:50🔗 Drew Because I see I was getting dental work done and I went up to from UCLA and I went in there and I caught a couple of doctors shooting each other up. Really?

1:19:02🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:19:02🔗 Drew I went up there because I had to go up there on a Saturday and I walked in and they were going to look at my implant. I was the first one and it wasn't working and I walked in and one guy's got his pants around his knees. The other guy's pumping them up.

1:19:16🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Doctors have a higher risk of addictive problems. Certain physicians and-

1:19:20🔗 Adam What do you think it was? Heroin?

1:19:22🔗 Drew What do you think it was? It was some derivative. Fentanyl. Opiate.

1:19:27🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Probably fentanyl.

1:19:28🔗 Drew Fentanyl or-

1:19:28🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Very addictive. Quite a bit of abuse.

1:19:31🔗 Adam Well, imagine when you get the keys to the candy store.

1:19:34🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce I was one of those people that- Oh, yeah. I do addiction medicine. Treating people.

1:19:38🔗 Drew Oh, that's right.

1:19:39🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce But I was one of those people that couldn't handle the IQ points where we're just enough in a sober state to get through the medical school.

1:19:45🔗 Adam Well, you went to Loma Linda University, right?

1:19:48🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce That's getting to be a favorite school of yours, I can tell.

1:19:51🔗 Adam Yeah. My cat graduated from that university.

1:19:54🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce It's actually a very good medical school.

1:19:55🔗 Adam I'm sure it is. I'm sure it is. John?

1:19:59🔗 Caller Yes.

1:20:00🔗 Adam You're 15. What's up?

1:20:02🔗 Caller I have a lump. It's in my ball sack. It looks like another testicle, sort of. But if I apply pressure to it, it feels like something's draining out of it.

1:20:15🔗 Adam That's your soul, by the way. That's draining.

1:20:17🔗 Caller Oh, dang.

1:20:19🔗 Adam You don't need it. Oh, yeah.

1:20:20🔗 Caller Who needs a soul?

1:20:21🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:20:22🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce You can do what your doctor would do. You can apply a flashlight to it and see if it trans-illuminates if the light goes through it.

1:20:29🔗 Adam Really?

1:20:30🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce You have a hydro-seal will allow light to go through it. I see it with blood.

1:20:34🔗 Adam That sounds pleasant. I tried that with a lantern once. It was a big mistake. Oh my God, it was that painful. Caught the barn on fire. It was horrible.

1:20:44🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Hopefully the doctor won't use a Coleman lamp to do that.

1:20:47🔗 Adam You set your scrotum on a flashlight?

1:20:50🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce I don't do that to myself.

1:20:51🔗 Adam But one could?

1:20:52🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:20:52🔗 Adam Really?

1:20:53🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Actually, you have a flashlight that's part of your ophthalmoscope, otoscope set and you can just look right through it.

1:21:00🔗 Adam I see.

1:21:00🔗 Drew Would it work? What are you going to see?

1:21:02🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Well, if it's a hydro-seal, if you have clear fluid, then it would trans-illuminate and varicoseal, which would have blood, wouldn't do so as well. You could have a solid mass, which you'd have no trans-illumination. You could have a small hernia, that some hernias go into the sac. So it's something that you have to have examined. It doesn't sound like it's a tumor, but it sounds like it's probably a hydro-seal or a varicose.

1:21:27🔗 Adam Yeah, because if it was a tumor, it wouldn't drain when he squeeze it. But John, you got to get it checked out. I know you're 15, you don't have a lot of use for your nuts, but later on in life, some woman is going to need to kick them around, and you're going to need them.

1:21:42🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah, the spaghetti worm-like epididymis that sits back. There's a lot of things. It's important to have the exam, and that'll be pretty easy to diagnose. Oh, this is a good one.

1:21:52🔗 Adam It is? Hold on a second. Okay, Russell.

1:21:55🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:21:55🔗 Adam You're 14. What's up?

1:21:57🔗 Caller Well, I met this girl about a month ago, and I'm, we're in London.

1:22:03🔗 Adam Hold on. Hey Russell, what's going on in the background there?

1:22:06🔗 Caller Oh, that's the radio.

1:22:07🔗 Adam Alright, turn it down, please.

1:22:09🔗 Drew Hold on. Or at least turn it to our station.

1:22:12🔗 Caller It is on your station.

1:22:13🔗 Drew Oh, it is?

1:22:14🔗 Caller It's just like 30 seconds behind.

1:22:16🔗 Drew Okay, turn it down, man.

1:22:17🔗 Caller Alright, and we'll.

1:22:21🔗 Adam Thank you. Alright, Russell. Oh boy, you are an idiot. Jesus Christ.

1:22:28🔗 Caller No, and we're in love with each other, but she lives in Bakersfield.

1:22:31🔗 Adam Wait, wait, start from the beginning now.

1:22:33🔗 Caller I met this girl about a month ago, and we like started going on dates, and we were in love with each other, and we've caught each other and everything, and but she lives in Bakersfield, and I live in Fresno, so it's kind of a long-distance thing, and she has a problem with the trust issue. Like she doesn't really want to get serious because of the whole long-distance thing, and I have no problem with that, but the only thing is I'm sleeping with one of her friends.

1:23:03🔗 Drew Nice.

1:23:05🔗 Adam So this trust thing is totally unfounded is what you're saying, right? There's no merit whatsoever?

1:23:11🔗 Caller I want to be with her, but then again, I mean.

1:23:13🔗 Adam Right. All right. Hey, listen, Russell, forget about this long-distance relationship. You're 14, please. What are you going to ride your big wheel out to Bakersfield?

1:23:25🔗 Drew Stay with a friend.

1:23:26🔗 Adam Yeah. That's it. Stay with a friend. So how long?

1:23:30🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce 14, he's sleeping around. This guy's got some serious problems.

1:23:34🔗 Adam He's just wanting to crow about his success in the sack.

1:23:38🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Okay.

1:23:38🔗 Adam He doesn't have a real question. Of course, you can't carry on a relationship at 14. But someone lives in another part of the state.

1:23:47🔗 Drew But if you're Fresno and Bakersfield, I think 14 is equivalent to 36.

1:23:51🔗 Adam 28. Let me check the chart. Yeah. Redlands is 36. Fresno is 31 and Bakersfield is, you're dead. You actually died four years ago.

1:24:03🔗 Drew I mean, a 14-year-old farmer, the guy has been working since he's eight. Yeah.

1:24:07🔗 Adam It's like a dog years. Yeah. Yeah. He's seen a lot. Vietnam was hell. He's been working the soil for many years.

1:24:17🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Where's North Hollywood on this illustrious scale of yours?

1:24:21🔗 Adam North Hollywood, you hit 15 and then you stay in a holding pattern. You never advance.

1:24:28🔗 Drew You got some friends and then you go over the mountain.

1:24:30🔗 Adam That's right.

1:24:31🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce If you're lucky.

1:24:32🔗 Drew It's from the sunset.

1:24:33🔗 Adam Yeah. That's a big deal when you're in North Hollywood. There's this Laurel Canyon. If you know someone who lives on the other side of that hill, you're gold.

1:24:41🔗 Drew I know Frank Zappa's friend.

1:24:43🔗 Adam Yeah. He's up on Woodrow Wilson. We can go up there. Brian. Hold on a second. I'm going to punch him. I have a little contact. Hi, Tommy here. Brian.

1:24:53🔗 Caller Hello.

1:24:54🔗 Adam You're 17?

1:24:55🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

1:24:56🔗 Adam All right. What's your question?

1:24:58🔗 Adam, I just wanted to say you're God.

1:25:00🔗 Adam Well, thank you.

1:25:01🔗 I don't know. This is cool.

1:25:03🔗 Caller My question is for Chong.

1:25:05🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:25:06🔗 Chong, you're down here in Brea this weekend. I was wondering if I should have maybe if there's any way we could maybe meet.

1:25:14🔗 Adam You want a quick hand job?

1:25:16🔗 Caller I mean, would you join me in cramming a bowl or so?

1:25:20🔗 Drew You never know. It's been done before.

1:25:23🔗 It would be a dream come true, bro.

1:25:25🔗 Adam Are you going to the show?

1:25:27🔗 I want to. I was sitting in class in summer school and we had to do a newspaper write up. I got the article with Chong on it and I was like, whoa, this is a sign.

1:25:37🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah, he's probably a DEA agent.

1:25:38🔗 That was pretty gone when I got it too.

1:25:42🔗 Drew I usually sell T-shirts and stuff in between shows. So if you're around the club.

1:25:50🔗 Adam We signed some autographs and that kind of stuff.

1:25:52🔗 Drew Oh yeah, we do a ton of autographs.

1:25:53🔗 All right.

1:25:53🔗 Adam Hey, Brian, go to the show. Identify yourself as a 17-year-old stoner Brian who had talked to Tommy on Loveline.

1:26:01🔗 I have green hair. Y'all recognize me?

1:26:04🔗 Drew Yeah, well, of course, that's my fans, man. You're not alone in that.

1:26:07🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce How long have you been smoking pot?

1:26:10🔗 Three years.

1:26:11🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Oh.

1:26:12🔗 Caller Heavily.

1:26:13🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Not good for your brain, my friend. It's not good for your brain, my friend.

1:26:17🔗 Adam He's in summer school.

1:26:18🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah, you'll be in perpetual summer school.

1:26:22🔗 I kind of fell behind this year.

1:26:24🔗 Adam What a surprise.

1:26:24🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Tell us about your problems.

1:26:26🔗 Adam No, that's it.

1:26:27🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce That's it?

1:26:28🔗 Adam Brian, go to the show at the Braille Improv all this weekend and you can see your mentor, Thomas.

1:26:35🔗 Drew If you got any problem with plaque, just bring it to me.

1:26:38🔗 Adam All right.

1:26:38🔗 Okay.

1:26:40🔗 Drew I'll take care of your problem for you.

1:26:41🔗 Adam We're going to take care of a little business. We'll be back after this.

1:26:47🔗 Yo, Loveline will be right back, homie.

1:27:24🔗 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Bruce over there. And this is last night. Dr. Drew will be in here tomorrow night with Papa Roach and then Long Beach Dub All-Stars will be in here Thursday night. Tommy Chong is our guest tonight. You can find him at the Brea Improv all this weekend. And also, if you got a computer, you can check out chongglass.com and check out his glass menagerie over there. Also, santacruisesurf.com. That's a place you might also find some of his, him and his son's unique tobacco water pipes.

1:28:04🔗 Drew Uh, yeah.

1:28:05🔗 Adam What are the price ranges on those things?

1:28:09🔗 Drew 30.

1:28:11🔗 Adam 50.

1:28:11🔗 Caller 50.

1:28:13🔗 Adam 30 to 50 and then it keeps going. 30 to 300. What's your most, uh, most exp...

1:28:21🔗 Drew I think, uh, a thousand dollars is what I sell mine for.

1:28:25🔗 Adam Oh, ten dollars.

1:28:27🔗 Drew Really. Anywhere from ten bucks up, yeah.

1:28:29🔗 Adam Yeah. Just, uh, keeps, keeps going.

1:28:32🔗 Drew I'm working on a disposable pipe, too, you know. Really? Yeah.

1:28:36🔗 Adam I'll tell you what that is. That's an expired toilet paper roll in a little tin foil. You know what I would like to do? It just popped into my head, but I hung around with a lot of idiots for a lot of years who smoked a decent amount of weed. Nobody seemed to have a pipe, and we've smoked out of apples.

1:28:55🔗 Drew Apples, yeah.

1:28:56🔗 Adam We smoked out of little plastic juice containers.

1:29:00🔗 Drew Coke cans.

1:29:01🔗 Adam Coke cans were always at the top of the list. Smoked out of many things, but I would really love to see someone put together a nice coffee table book of all the sort of impromptu pipes.

1:29:13🔗 Drew MacGyver.

1:29:13🔗 Adam MacGyver pipes. That were made. And we've mentioned some of the obvious ones, but I'm sure between the pot and the desperation, people have smoked out of God knows what. I'm sure they've one of those conks, you know, that they blow to let the guys in Hawaii know it's time to eat. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure guys have. I smoked a pot out of my dad's trumpet mouthpiece once. And he found it in my room. That was a bad, bad scene over at the Carolla house. No, I think the two things I did that pissed my dad off the most, both involved his trumpet mouthpiece. One was holding it out of the car window to see if I could get a whistling sound and then dropping it at about 45 miles an hour.

1:30:01🔗 Drew Yeah, that would make him mad.

1:30:02🔗 Adam He still used it even though it had a nice chunk taken out of it. And then smoking weed out of it when I was like a senior in high school and him finding that.

1:30:11🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce He's such a quiet, nice guy. I can't imagine him getting angry.

1:30:15🔗 Adam Yeah, but here's the thing. When quiet, nice guys get angry, it gets scary. You know what I mean? They really spin out.

1:30:21🔗 Drew Did you turn your dad on?

1:30:23🔗 Adam No, my dad was, my mom had a pot plant in the backyard and my mom was definitely the hesher of the Corolla family. My dad was a pretty straight arrow.

1:30:37🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce He sat there and shook his head.

1:30:38🔗 Adam Yeah, it was funny. My mom and her pot plant, I don't think I ever told her this. I hope she's not listening, but she had a big pot plant grown in the back of her yard, and I was in the seventh grade, and I was trying to impress my buddies. These were some new guys I barely knew. I brought them by the house one day, and I said, check it out. Mysteriously, guess what the end of the story is? The next day, there's just a hole in the ground.

1:31:04🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah, I know that story very well.

1:31:06🔗 Adam Yeah, be careful who you show your mom's pot plant to, I guess is the moral of that story. Thank God. She also had a hydroponic farm in her closet, but they didn't get to that. All right, let's see who the hell else we have here. Dylan?

1:31:22🔗 Hey, guys, I love the show, and I got a weird question for you. My wife and I are having our first baby here in a couple weeks, July 10th, and it's a boy we found out. We've got everything figured out and pretty much agreed upon except for circumcision, and we're disagreeing on that, so I was just curious, Bruce, what the medical side would be. Adam, your opinion is always welcome.

1:31:39🔗 Adam Yeah, well, I do. I know a fair amount about this. Do you, what side are you coming in on?

1:31:46🔗 Well, I'm circumcised, so I want him to be.

1:31:48🔗 Adam Right, yeah. It's weird, but dads are this way. They want their son's penis to look like theirs.

1:31:55🔗 I know it's stupid. I don't have any really good reason either. That's what she brought up.

1:31:58🔗 Adam No, but here's the reality of this, because I've gone round and round about this with Drew and Collers and everybody else. The deal is, people make an argument about sensation. But the whole thing about sensation is, it's pretty relative. Whatever you got in your underpants is whatever you got in your underpants. You don't know that you're missing whatever it is, and sex is pretty good to uncircumcise guys as well. It's not as if they're missing out on anything. There's another issue which is a hygiene issue. Right. Which is, we do get plenty of calls from guys who are uncircumcised that are getting a little odor down there. Or...

1:32:41🔗 Caller Her brother isn't, and so that's what she's basing it off of, is that he's always done fine.

1:32:45🔗 Adam Well, it's not, you know, most of the planet isn't, and most of the planet does fine. But here is the biggest issue. And it's going to be hard to tell where things are at in this country 18 years from now when he's dipping that thing of his on somebody. But I've talked to a lot of chicks that are like freaked out by the uncircumcised penis. And that's really the main issue. You don't want to freak any chicks out by your uncircumcised penis. So I would go, if Drew were here, I'd argue and probably say not to, just because I like to get under his bonnet a little.

1:33:20🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce What, he says you should?

1:33:22🔗 Adam Yeah, he's for it.

1:33:23🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce I don't think there's an overriding medical opinion, though.

1:33:26🔗 Adam No, Drew always cites-

1:33:27🔗 Caller Bruce, you would say either way?

1:33:29🔗 Drew Where did circumcision come from then?

1:33:32🔗 Adam The Jews.

1:33:33🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah, I would tend to say that there are cultural imperatives.

1:33:37🔗 Drew But why?

1:33:38🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Because I think at that time, I think probably-

1:33:41🔗 Drew Because when you think about it, man, all of a sudden, what if some guy go, you know what, let's whack off that little skin at the end of some guy.

1:33:47🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Well, because of, I think, hygiene and cleanliness issues at the same time.

1:33:50🔗 Caller Okay, then Bruce, what would you do if it was you?

1:33:51🔗 Adam You know, how did people figure out to eat peas?

1:33:53🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce Well, my kid was, I just had a son recently, he was circumcised and I think the wife, listen, my wife, there wasn't much choice there.

1:34:02🔗 Adam His wife actually did the procedure, which is different than mine.

1:34:05🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce No, she tried to do it on me.

1:34:06🔗 Caller Okay, you don't have the problem.

1:34:07🔗 Adam Oh, try to. I think she did it just fine.

1:34:10🔗 Caller Wait a minute, what?

1:34:11🔗 Adam Now listen, Dylan, I'm going to tell you what the answer is. First, Tommy, how did people figure out to eat lobster? You know what I mean?

1:34:18🔗 Drew No, that's easy.

1:34:19🔗 Adam Well, yeah, but who the hell knows?

1:34:21🔗 Drew No, you eat anything that moves. I can understand that, but I can't understand. Some guy looking at his Johnson and going, I don't like that skin on the end. Give me a knife. Hand me that knife.

1:34:31🔗 Adam I think it probably started way back when-

1:34:35🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce God told somebody.

1:34:36🔗 Adam With hygiene thing, especially since people weren't showering.

1:34:40🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce There's a radical group of men today that have instructions on how to grow back the foreskin, okay? So you're going to get some very strong opinions either way.

1:34:49🔗 Drew Roll back foreskin?

1:34:50🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, you can stretch it.

1:34:52🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce You can stretch skin in the cells.

1:34:54🔗 Adam Dylan, I know you're trying to talk except for we're out of time. We got to go to break. Dylan, I would do it. Okay. And I would just, it's basically a coin toss, but like I said, he may freak out some chick when he's 17, and for that reason alone, I'd get it lopped off.

1:35:12🔗 Caller All right. Thanks.

1:35:13🔗 Adam All right. And make sure you dip it in plenty of tar so it doesn't get infected when you're done. All right.

1:35:19🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce I have a rabbi come in instead of the pediatrician.

1:35:21🔗 Adam Hey, Howie Mandel told me a rabbi came to his house, formed a circumcision on his son. They buried the foreskin out in the backyard, and the dog dug it up and ate it. Oh, I was here. I swear to God.

1:35:31🔗 Tommy Chong w/ Dr. Bruce I was here that night. You did.

1:35:33🔗 Adam All right, top that one. We'll take a break.

1:35:40🔗 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:36:11🔗 Adam All right. Well, that about does it. Papa Roach, she'll be in here tomorrow night, Long Beach Dub All-Stars Thursday night. Dr. Drew will mercifully be back in the studio. I do want to thank Dr. Bruce for doing a great job filling in all this week. I make fun of him. He's a very good sport, but he does a wonderful job and he steps up each and every. Oh, Jesus Christ. Each and, all right, I take all of it back. I want to thank Tommy Chong for coming in here and tell you that you can find him at the Bray Improv all this weekend, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Also check out chongglass.com and see what kind of pipes he's making. Also santacruisesurf.com. Tommy, thanks a lot for coming in.

1:36:54🔗 Drew Thank you guys. I had a good time.

1:36:56🔗 Adam I had a good time as well and until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Bruce saying mahalo.

1:37:02🔗 I recently went to a fraternity party and got really drunk. I randomly hooked up with a guy and we had sex. I didn't even know his name the next morning. Now he keeps calling me and I don't even still remember his name. Well now.

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