2:14🔗
Adam
Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-8-5-4-44-55. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Tonight, our guest from Saturday Night Live, Darrell Hammond is here. Darrell was in on this show, I would say a year and a half.
2:53🔗
Adam
Yeah, it's NAW. Of course it is. That's right. We're a little sketchy on some of the affiliates, which doesn't always make for the greatest affiliate relations. But we look at this as a local show.
3:09🔗
Adam
That's right. We are wherever you are. So send those cookies. Somebody actually told me once when we went somewhere, I don't know, Minnesota or something, that somebody sent a batch of cookies over to the station for us, which is nice. It's stupid, but it's nice.
3:28🔗
Darrell Hammond
I'm going to start putting you on at SNL. We have to pull these all-nighters. I'm going to start listening to you guys at 1 AM.
3:35🔗
Adam
You guys do, I mean, Jesus, talk about crunch time when you get a little bit later in the week, and you're sitting around with all the writers trying to hash everything out.
3:47🔗
Darrell Hammond
Yeah, and especially like in my position, I usually do the topical piece, so mine usually isn't written till Friday or Saturday anyway.
4:02🔗
Adam
Well, I mean, once you can do a few, doesn't it make it easier to do others? Or harder? No.
4:20🔗
Adam
Because it involves talent, you see, Drew. But Darrell has talent. He does many impersonations. Some better than others, I'm sure. But you do many and you have that ability. I mean, you have that gift. It's like people who can do accents. They could probably do all of them better and you could do one.
4:51🔗
Adam
I would have guessed somewhere around there. But see, the thing that's funny about the cast from Saturday Night Live is sometimes there's guys that were around for three years and you didn't know them because they didn't do that much for three years.
5:17🔗
I don't know.
5:31🔗
Adam
I mean, and Drew, please, I'm not saying this, and I hope you will back me up on this just to kiss Darrell's ass, but I believe it's the most difficult form of comedy to do.
5:44🔗
Adam
Week after week, which is sketch comedy. And the thing that really makes sketch comedy is a bitch, is that everyone at home thinks they can do it, thinks they have an idea for a sketch, thinks they work with some guy down at the feed store that's funnier than this guy or that guy on TV. And you're screwed, because not only is it actually very difficult to do, especially-
6:10🔗
Darrell Hammond
Yeah, and SNL is sort of like, you know, people really love to hate SNL. When it goes down, people love to talk about it, and people watch to see it go down.
6:21🔗
Adam
And it's always suffered from that, well, yeah, it's good, but it could be better. It could be better. I could do it better.
6:31🔗
Darrell Hammond
But if you really stop to consider that we're going to put on a 90-minute show and it's going to be live. Now, Lorne doesn't sweeten the laugh tracks. There's no laugh tracks, so when they do reruns, you'll hear Sketch's bomb...
6:52🔗
Adam
Yeah, but Darrell, your stuff is always funny. Sometimes it can be extremely funny, but it's always at least interesting because you're doing a take on a character or a take on a personality. And it's like when you're doing Jesse Jackson, for instance, it doesn't matter what the material is. I mean, it could go from a 7 to a 10 based on that, but it's still a 7 just because you're doing Jesse Jackson.
7:21🔗
Darrell Hammond
Well, maybe so. I like to think that's true. But, brother, when you're out there in front of 7.5 million households and you're tanking and line after line after line is going by where there should be a laugh, one, two, three, and you just go, this is it. I just gave you my best stuff, folks.
7:42🔗
Adam
It's the worst. And you can't break like you could if you were doing stand-up and yell, what's wrong with you, A-holes, like I would do halfway into the line that didn't get the joke. Or doing a side or do whatever, you're sort of trapped in it. And what in a way makes it safe, which is you picking a character, putting on a wig and doing it is also what makes it extra scary because you can't just turn to somebody and say, let's try this again.
8:10🔗
Darrell Hammond
Yeah. Thanks for telling me that new joke sucked. Yeah. And there's probably 200, 100, 200 people tuned in to every move. Pardon me, every move? I mean, in that studio, I think there's 275 sitting there and then there's all the people that work there. It's a huge staff. But going on the air and not bombing, I think comedy is hard.
8:34🔗
Adam
Well, if you watch me do it, you'll understand how difficult it is. I think that's what Darrell is saying.
8:43🔗
Adam
Well, Saturday Night Live, I do tune into Fairly Religious League, which speaks of my social life.
8:53🔗
Adam
I'm always home on Saturday, and I always watch Saturday Night Live, and I, because I did sketch comedy for many years and know how difficult it is, appreciate it and do not judge it quite as harshly as some others may. And I do especially enjoy your work.
9:23🔗
Adam
That's right. That's good for a laugh, that nasally drone. Thank you very much. Darrell, by the way.
9:32🔗
Adam
Well, maybe if he listens for a little while longer, at some point in the evening, you could grace us with that.
9:38🔗
Darrell Hammond
Possibly. I don't know. You're telling me you have like a bad voice. You have a real good voice.
9:43🔗
There you go.
9:43🔗
Darrell Hammond
There's nothing really wrong with it. It's like trying to do Bob Costas. Like Bob Costas called me up.
9:48🔗
He's like, when are you going to do me? I want to know because I want to give you the, I'm like, Bob, who can do you?
9:54🔗
Adam
Yeah. If you want to do a good Bob Costas, just enunciate, be articulate, and get a thesaurus.
10:02🔗
Yeah.
10:03🔗
Darrell Hammond
He was saying, he's going. A friend of mine manages the Padres, Bruce Bochy. So we were talking about it. This is actually how he's talks.
10:14🔗
Off the air, he's like, Bruce Bochy, the third largest head in all of baseball, actually professional sports, second only to baseball commissioner, Fay Vincent, and of course, OJ Simpson, who could be mounted on Mount Rushmore.
10:34🔗
Adam
Yeah. We had that same surreal experience when we met Sinbad. We did, what did he step in for? Was it Vibe?
10:44🔗
He was the Vibe guy, yeah.
10:46🔗
Adam
And no, they had an original host, and he was replaced by, I think, Sinbad. But we never met Sinbad before, and we ran into him at the hall, in the hallway before we did the show. And he came up to us, and he is Sinbad plus two squared. Sinbad squared. And he walked into our, and Drew, Drew is Drew, and I'm me, but we don't have much going on. And he came piling into the room, hey, what's up, man? He's wearing like Bip overalls, and he's filling up the room, and then he shuts the door. And I looked at Drew, and I went, my God, that is Sinbad.
11:26🔗
Darrell Hammond
I remember when I was first starting out, and he was already working on the networks. He'd already done a Carson and everything, and he was real nice to me.
11:43🔗
Adam
I don't like anyone who... I don't mind people tolerating being alive, but when they love it, now I got a problem.
11:53🔗
Adam
James is 21. By the way, Darrell will be at the Lebray Improv tomorrow through Sunday in fabulous Lebraya. Go ahead, James. What's up?
12:07🔗
Darrell Hammond
I have a question. I'm 21 years old, and when I was younger, I've always had... I'm a slim guy. I'm skinny, but I kind of have breasts, but real tiny, kind of like an overweight guy would.
12:20🔗
Darrell Hammond
And as I was getting older, I was told they would go away, but they kind of stayed along with me, and I worked out and everything, but...
12:39🔗
Adam
Listen, I was sitting home, ironically stoned, on Sunday night with Dan Dratch, who's Rachel Dratch's younger brother, I believe, who's a cast member of Saturday Night Live, and we were watching 2020's rerun about 2 in the morning, and they had a, what is it, kind of chlamastia story, and these were young guys, males, in pretty decent shape, most of them who had either one or both of their breasts were enlarged. I mean, they looked like a woman's breast in a way. I mean, not quite a woman's breast. If it was a woman's breast, I'd be disappointed, but at least more like a woman's breast than a man's chest. And these guys were 19 or 20, and sometimes it was just one side. And they talked about getting liposuction and getting surgery and having a plastic surgery. But at 21, how much weed, how many years of weed does he have under his?
13:45🔗
Drew
If you start smoking pot around the time that this normally comes on, you can sustain it. So did you start smoking pot around 14, 15?
13:55🔗
Darrell Hammond
But it's been with me since I was younger. I've had it when I was like 12 or 13.
14:02🔗
When I was a sophomore in high school.
14:30🔗
Drew
Yeah, it's called gynecomastia. And the reason it occurs in some males is the adrenal gland starts putting out estrogen just before the testes turn on and start producing testosterone.
14:45🔗
Drew
Marijuana can sustain that. It will prevent it from going back down by sustaining the circulating levels of estrogen. It marijuana suppresses testosterone, raises estrogen.
14:56🔗
Drew
And, yeah, and it's actually, if you, and some men will spontaneously get breast enlargement at an older age, at 25, 26.
15:09🔗
Adam
Oh, well, listen, though, but here's the reality. Nobody smokes more weed than, let's say, Snoop Dogg, for instance.
15:16🔗
Adam
I was at Snoop Dogg's house. I got baked as soon as I opened the front door of that place. I swear to Christ. He smokes nonstop. He smokes in the studio. He takes his shirt off. He doesn't have an ounce of it.
15:59🔗
I don't know.
16:22🔗
Adam
Oh, Jesus Christ. If I could read, I'd be a doctor. I know I would. I feel it. Or a pirate or an astronaut. I still haven't ruled out pirate or astronaut as far as career.
16:33🔗
Darrell Hammond
I was just, I didn't want to go to the doctor because I didn't know whether, I mean, what?
16:45🔗
Drew
But you keep smoking pot. It's hard for it to go down. You might go down by itself if you stop smoking the pot.
16:56🔗
Adam
All right. Listen, James, although I prefer you living in your own silent world of shame, I'm telling you now to go to a plastic surgeon. They see it all the time and they can take care of it, okay? Quit smoking so much weed.
17:10🔗
Drew
You don't do steroids, huh? Forget it. I don't do steroids. Oh, boy. You never did steroids, did you?
17:23🔗
Yeah, hi.
17:51🔗
Yeah.
17:53🔗
Caller
First of all, I made up my call. I just wanted to say hi to Darrell Hammond. I'm probably a disturbingly religious.
18:32🔗
Darrell Hammond
I think of myself as a field goal kicker. I get to wear a uniform and a helmet and everything. I have to go to practice, but let's face it.
18:44🔗
Darrell Hammond
I come in in the third quarter and I chip one in. That's how I earn my money.
18:48🔗
Adam
Right. For years, I don't know what the chronology is, but in my mind, it would be like a Dan Aykroyd did a lot of impressions.
19:06🔗
Adam
Yeah, although Eddie Murphy was different in a way because at least to me, a lot of his things weren't impersonations, but they were more characters.
19:18🔗
Adam
Right, but you have sort of stepped in to fill that space and they need that and they're always going to need it.
19:27🔗
Adam
Oh, absolutely. How can you do it? You couldn't do a show like that if you didn't have someone who could do the president or have the ability to do whoever was current. And what about that? I mean, what about Bush or Gore?
19:46🔗
Darrell Hammond
No, I think he could be a lot more fun to do. And they told me I'll be playing him. So I want him to be the president. And I think everyone should.
19:53🔗
Adam
I don't, you know, I look at Gore and I know that's part of the ramp with him is that he's wooden and doesn't really have anything too distinct going on. But he doesn't, he seems like a guy who doesn't have any real distinct mannerisms.
20:08🔗
Darrell Hammond
I think in the fall, when he gets under presidential scrutiny, I think, I think you'll see the things that I see and the tapes that I order from C-SPAN, that he has a very interesting personality and real quirky.
20:28🔗
Darrell Hammond
I haven't, you know, really started working on the voice because I've been trying to figure out what's kind of impediment, I think it's a slight speech impediment. Did you watch any of the debates this year?
20:44🔗
Adam
No, I try to stay far away from politics and anything really, anything that I call learning. I know. But I've seen Gore obviously many times and nothing ever jumps out at me. I mean, he's certainly no Ross Perot.
21:00🔗
Darrell Hammond
Well, think about this, think about the vice presidential job, the slot. Think about what you get to do with your brains and your heart and your drive and your patriotism. You get to go to a bake sale. You get to do all the, you know, Clinton's in Taiwan. Like when I was there at the White House, Clinton had these these like Asian distinguished businessmen. He'd be talking to them. He'd just be going, you know, there is nothing wrong with democracy that cannot be fixed by what is right with democracy. Right across the hall is like Gore with kindergartners, right?
21:35🔗
He's like, four simple steps to food safety. Clean, separate, cook, chill. You know, can I get a what?
21:47🔗
Adam
Is Clinton, I mean, and I know you get this all time and I'm sure we covered it last time, but man, you are brutal when you do some of those Clintons. I think I saw a rerun. Well, there's the one where you're on the news segment. And you're talking about reviewing the movie Air Force One and stuff like that. And I mean, it is brutal.
22:19🔗
Darrell Hammond
Yeah, he invited me to the White House three years ago. I went and performed with him at the White House Correspondence Dinner. And again, this past, I guess it was probably six weeks.
22:38🔗
Darrell Hammond
Yeah. He's just like, he went up before me and he's like, poor Darrell Hammond. What will he do when I am gone? And he goes, come to think of it, what will I do when I guess I'll become a Darrell Hammond impersonator.
22:58🔗
Darrell Hammond
Hillary, on the other hand, Hillary tends to smile at me, but not with her eyes, just the mouth. It's sort of like laughter and rage are really indistinguishable to her now.
23:13🔗
Adam
I'll tell you, I couldn't imagine in a way her position even more than his when you're up there doing that, and doing a dead on Clinton, and some of the stuff that's coming out of your mouth, especially, like I said, some of those segments during the news, I mean, I really expect to see a sniper's bullet go right through your forehead, halfway into it.
23:47🔗
Darrell Hammond
Oh, yeah. I almost got whacked by the Secret Service last time, and when I did the Correspondent Center six weeks ago, because I got lost in that giant hotel and it's circular in Washington, like the DC Hyatt or something. And I didn't have any ID on me, and this guy comes up, and I said, can you show me where the ballroom is? Yeah. It was so weird. The guy goes, could you show me some ID? I'm like, I don't have ID. I'm on the show. I'm performing tonight. I'm doing a half an hour stand up. Show me some ID. It was really rough. It was really rough.
24:24🔗
Darrell Hammond
I started getting like angry with this guy. I'm like, excuse me, you know, I'm thinking to myself, you know, these people in DC are really freaking rude. And then it hit me. I saw the little coil behind the ear and I went, oh my God, these are shooters.
24:43🔗
Darrell Hammond
When I say that Gore has an impediment, I'm not sure if he does or if he doesn't, but I think it's sort of like something that you see in the South. Like he went to an Evangelical school and it's primarily among Evangelists. Like they'll say something like phony and scurrilous charge.
25:01🔗
Scurrilous.
25:05🔗
Right.
25:11🔗
Most of the time, he just gets up there and goes, I want to say, I want to do it.
25:17🔗
Darrell Hammond
And it's very unanimated. But when you see him, you see him off camera, you'll notice that he's got, he's really interesting. I swear.
25:26🔗
Adam
That's the same with Drew. The second you turn the camera off, he lights up. That's when he shines on the ride home from the studio.
25:38🔗
Drew
I don't know yet. I'm sort of leaning towards Gore myself. I haven't really got dug in yet.
25:47🔗
Drew
I'd actually like to meet the guys. There'd be some place where you can sort of get a feeling for him. I'd get behind somebody I really believe in.
26:44🔗
Adam
I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew over there, and that's Darrell Hammond over there from Saturday Night Live. You can find him at the Lebray Improv starting tomorrow. That would be Thursday, and going through to Sunday. And you like doing stand-up?
27:01🔗
Darrell Hammond
Unless you get to do the clubs, you know, when you get a TV gig, you get to do all the clubs you couldn't get in before. Yeah, and the improvs are all really good clubs.
27:09🔗
Adam
Right, it's not like, come on down at 6.30, sign up, we'll put all the names in a hat, then we'll draw them in no random order, except for the guys who were here last week who we like. And then we'll put you on, and when we hit you with the flashlight, or when Eddie Cantor's head lights up, that means it's time to tell your last joke. Not your second to last joke, not third to last, not your last story, your last joke. You're off that stage in three minutes, and we'll pull the goddamn mic.
27:38🔗
Darrell Hammond
And consider when they're going to put you on. When I first got to New York, I was rejected by every club in that city. But they put you on at 2 o'clock, 2.30 in the morning. I mean, please, you have these disinterested people who have been cajoled and just sort of coaxed, come on, free drinks, come inside, it's stand-up comedy, come on inside. And they come in, they're just like, oh my God, how do I get out? You know, there's, ugh.
28:03🔗
Adam
I've done stand-up comedy maybe 15, 20 times in my life. And I'd say if you took the combined audience and separated them from audience members to other comedians waiting to get up, it'd be about a 70-30 split. I've done more stand-up for other stand-ups waiting to get on.
28:22🔗
Adam
And just sort of sitting there looking like you'd be looking if you were going through your routine in your head and thinking to yourself, this guy represents the competition and I got to hop up there and just, that's right. Boy did I hate stand-up. Lewis?
28:44🔗
Caller
And okay. The problem is this weekend, me and a couple of friends went out and we partied, because we just graduated. And I don't know, I got real drunk and I guess stoned too. Anyway, I can't remember much about the night, but I remember waking up totally nude next to my best friend.
29:35🔗
Yeah.
29:39🔗
Adam
Now, whenever I wake up and see something a dry and flaky on my skin, I assume that another male ejaculated on that spot.
30:04🔗
Caller
And he had been telling me this beforehand. But I didn't, you know, I like told him, you know, if you go through the change, I'll still be here for you. But I didn't think anything like this would happen.
30:27🔗
Caller
How to like confront him and like get this past us because we haven't talked since this happened.
30:33🔗
Adam
All right. Well, give it another five days and then pretend like nothing happened. All right. All right, Lewis. You're fine.
30:47🔗
Hello?
30:51🔗
Adam
What's up? Yeah. Because straight guys don't call and brag about getting sodomized in their sleep. Rarely do they do that.
31:00🔗
Adam
Yeah. Guess what? Right, right. What's up, Clint? Hey, let me ask you a question. Drew, are you going to those MTV Movie Awards?
31:47🔗
Adam
I'll probably get wrapped at 9.30, 10 o'clock at night. Are you going to the parties afterward?
31:53🔗
Adam
Oh, there isn't? Well, not one. There's one. There's just not... They're not telling you about it. Right, right. It's MTV. Clint?
32:05🔗
Caller
I started about two and a half, three months ago. I started dating a 15-year-old girl. Found out three weeks ago that she was pregnant.
32:19🔗
Caller
I don't know. It just happened. I see. Her mom's okay with it and everything, but she doesn't... Nobody knows that she's pregnant with me and her and like a few of our very close friends.
32:33🔗
Caller
And I was just wondering if there was anything that like, you know, like am I going to go to jail or, you know, I did what I did with Lo.
32:49🔗
Adam
I picture, by the way, I don't picture, when you say with your dialect, you're going to jail, I don't picture a jail. I picture like a pokey, and I picture Alex Carras with a baseball bat sort of walking up to your house, not actual uniformed guys. I'm picturing like coming up a dirt road, Alex Carras carrying a pool cue and coming up, calling him boy, maybe wearing reflective sunglasses.
33:23🔗
Drew
It's probably 16. Well, usually in these situations where there is a legal problem, it's the parent.
33:40🔗
Adam
And I'm guessing her mom was pregnant with her when she was 14, so she's not going to be likely.
34:12🔗
Adam
Yeah, and she's going to be 16, so she could have been 18. There you go. That's making a little more sense. Hey, Clint.
34:24🔗
Adam
Okay. Well, you listen. You're not a good thinker, so I'm going to do the thinking for the both of us, all right?
34:29🔗
Adam
All right. A, you cannot get her pregnant again or anyone else pregnant again for a long time, all right? You've got to start using protection. You understand?
34:41🔗
Adam
B, you've got to figure out what you're going to do with this pregnancy. She wants to keep it.
35:03🔗
Adam
All right. Fine. All right. Don't get her pregnant for a little while and get that truck driver's license and, you know, carve out a niche for yourself. What do you do, Clint?
35:14🔗
Caller
I just started a job at a warehouse. It's about 20 miles from where I'm going to be going to school at.
35:34🔗
Adam
All right, Clint. You sound fairly noble for a guy who bangs minors. All right. Take care of your kid, though. Do you hear me?
35:49🔗
Adam
Okay. Good man, Clint. You take care of her. Boy. All right. Well, listen, we always frown on these kinds of relationships and we should, but who cares?
36:17🔗
Darrell Hammond
But isn't that sort of chilling to hear someone say, well, I guess we'll get married. I guess you'll get married. I guess I'll get in the ring with Mike Tyson. I guess.
36:25🔗
Drew
I mean, you have no idea. They're like, oh, we'll have two kids. What about marriage? That's a commitment.
36:37🔗
Darrell Hammond
Believe me, I'm with you, but I'm just saying, if someone says, maybe I will, maybe I won't get married. Marriage isn't that sort of turf. It really requires.
36:46🔗
Adam
But if you want to screw that up, that's your business. To me, if you want to screw a kid up, it's sort of everyone's business. I agree. Because it takes a village. Christian? You're 24.
37:01🔗
That last call just made me realize I am insane. Same as an insane world.
37:08🔗
Okay. What happened? People are nuts, man. Okay. I had a grand mal seizure about a year ago. I was actually driving home from work and a cop pulled me over. The only time I've been happy to be pulled over by a cop. And as I gave him my license, I went to a grand mal seizure and I ended up in the hospital.
37:29🔗
A grand mal seizure is when you're out, you're going into a convulsion.
37:33🔗
You're complete.
37:39🔗
A grand mal seizure is different than a petty mal or partial compulsa.
37:46🔗
Okay. Generalized seizure.
37:52🔗
You know, I don't know. I was thinking about that. I wonder if I kind of like I was just so stressed out.
37:58🔗
Oh yeah. I've been, I've been, oh my god, I've been to Stanford University and doing all this stuff.
38:05🔗
Every single doctor gives me a different diagnosis. And wouldn't you believe that when I find out what their specialty is, that's what they gave me?
38:14🔗
Drew
It's called the hammer nail. It was my hammer nail theory. When you're a hammer, the whole world's a nail.
38:18🔗
It's ridiculous. But my question is, they put me on Dilantin, Tegretol, Depakote, and Effexor. Obviously, that's some anti-depression stuff.
38:31🔗
No. I just weaned myself off of it.
38:34🔗
Adam
Hold on. As difficult as it is, I have to wean myself off of you for just a few minutes. All right, Christian?
38:41🔗
Oh.
38:44🔗
Why are you putting me into the bin or something?
38:53🔗
All right?
39:03🔗
Adam
She may have that juxtaposed just a little bit. Yeah. She is nutties the day is long. I can hear it in her voice. Boy, the hairs on the back of my ass.
39:16🔗
Adam
We'll take a break. Darrell Hammond is here from Saturday Night Live, and we'll get to the nutty Christian after this.
39:59🔗
Adam
It is the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. That is Darrell Hammond in the background. You will find him on Saturday Night Live and this week at the Libre Improv. Thursday through Sunday. Do you do one show a night or two shows a night?
40:26🔗
Adam
Yeah. And I guess you pack them in now because it's as seen on Saturday Night Live, right?
40:39🔗
Adam
It's strange though, and I'm not trying to take any wind out of your sail, but it can mean so much for some people and so little for others. I mean, there's examples of people who are on Saturday Night Live, who have catapulted to the stratosphere of stardom, and then there's people who you don't even remember were on for four seasons.
41:06🔗
Adam
Well, no. Seriously, having difficulty remembering their name, but I'll give you an example. What? I'd have to have the cast in front of me, but about six, seven, six, seven, maybe eight seasons ago, there was a blonde haired woman who did Marcia Brady, or she did Jan Brady, was her big character. And I can't think of her name right now. She didn't, you don't know what I'm talking about. You guys didn't watch it. She had a little bit of a double chin, and she would do Jan, and it was Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. She was always doing the Jan Brady character.
41:43🔗
Adam
Yeah, she's great at it, but the point is, she's doing, she's down at 99 seat theaters, down on La Brea now.
41:52🔗
Adam
I don't know, the point is she didn't, she didn't parlay it into a million dollar career. And what about, I don't know, Jan Hooks, or not Jan Hooks, but.
42:04🔗
Adam
Who is it, who went nuts when Dice Clay was gonna come on? Remember that big controversy? Dice Clay was gonna come on Saturday Night Live. It was about.
42:17🔗
Adam
Eight or ten years ago now. And there's a dark haired sort of attractive woman who was on the show who said, I will not do that show if Dice is gonna guest host. And she sat out and he did. It was a big controversy. And you haven't heard from her too much over the last ten years. And I don't know why you guys are calling me out on this.
42:41🔗
Adam
Yeah, it's not a guarantee. I mean, it works out real well for a lot of people. But for others, they seem to be able to just move on and fade back into wherever they were.
42:52🔗
Darrell Hammond
Well, I mean, as an example, that's not going to happen to Darrell Hammond. Oh, it could easily happen to me.
43:03🔗
Darrell Hammond
I'm done. I'm finished. That's it. But as an example, I'll be back to the hollow once I came.
43:10🔗
Darrell Hammond
Well, I mean, I can do, because I've done voices on the show, it seems to me that I might be welcome at an audition. I might be able to get great auditions or auditions I couldn't get before. I don't say that it's made for me, but I mean, like, I'm trying to prepare for when I'm not there anymore, but I just don't know when that's going to be. Like, I'm taking acting now.
43:32🔗
Adam
But they're not, like I was saying earlier, the role that you fill on that show. I just couldn't see them. I mean, I think you'll leave the show when you're ready to leave the show. I just couldn't see them cutting you because it's such a vital role that you play.
43:50🔗
Yeah.
44:12🔗
Caller
I don't know, but okay, so I'm on all these medications, right? I feel like I'm in a coma for a year. I finally tell my doctors, look, I cannot stay on this. They won't give me any other alternative. So under doctor supervision, I wean myself off it for three months. And now I don't take anything but this drug called Seroquel that I just take sometimes at night when I can't get to sleep.
44:39🔗
Caller
It was because I was depressed, because I don't know, I just had this beer and... Yeah?
45:04🔗
No.
45:17🔗
Caller
Well, he just picked the wrong person to mess with because it's just like, for me, I don't want to live... I can't live after somebody rapes me. Why don't they just take a big old dump on me? I said, so you're going to have to kill me first, you know, and that's what he tried to do.
45:43🔗
Caller
Yeah, he got arrested and I went through the whole court thing. I was on the stand for four hours and the guy got off still.
45:57🔗
Caller
Some kind of technique. I don't even know. I don't even know. That was like so long ago.
46:09🔗
You're insane.
46:13🔗
Caller
Well, I don't know. My whole body hurts. So I don't know. I mean, I have bruises from the head of my head to the tip of my toe. Something's been, yeah, it's true. I've been a little defiable.
46:34🔗
Caller
So my question is about the medications. Like for the last year, sex has been not even on my agenda. You know, not interested.
46:43🔗
Caller
But now, okay, this past like three months now, I've been off of everything for about a month except for this circle that I only take, you know, correctly.
46:49🔗
Drew
Well, you're getting manic, Christian. I mean, you're having a, you're hypomanic right now. Your speech is pressured, you're laughing at things.
46:56🔗
Adam
Listen, I'm on the radio. It's like I'm on a Quaalude and Fifth of Nyquil. Are you kidding me? Don't use the radio as an excuse. I could fall asleep any moment now.
47:06🔗
Drew
Your thinking is a little tangential, you laugh at stuff that's not funny. That's all hypomania. And I bet you're getting hypersexual too.
47:16🔗
Drew
That is mania, Christian. And be careful. This will really, the roof's going to blow off here soon.
47:25🔗
Caller
First person in my family not to have a kid by 16. My grandma owes me a lot of money by now.
47:38🔗
Drew
She needs to get back on the depo code. Take some Syroquel tonight. And really talk to your doctors about this, because the biology is beginning to take off again.
47:47🔗
Adam
All right. Let's just check in real quick before we go to a break with Mando's 17 masturbates a lot and seeks attention from 40-year-olds. Is that true?
47:56🔗
Hello? Hello?
48:02🔗
Any kind I can get.
48:05🔗
Yeah.
48:08🔗
Yeah.
48:13🔗
No, I want you.
48:14🔗
Adam
Okay. Hold on a second. I'm going to go masturbate during the commercial break so I can sort of approach this from a more sensical standpoint.
48:23🔗
Yeah.
48:25🔗
Adam
Darrell and I are going to do that. We wouldn't want our decision making tainted by semen. We'll be right back after this with Amanda.
48:33🔗
Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, back in a minute.
48:37🔗
Adam
Well, it's worth hearing. It's the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Matchbox 20 will be in here next week. Be good to see those guys again. That'll be Sunday night.
49:31🔗
Adam
It's been a couple years. Yeah. Darrell Hammond is our guest tonight, known from Saturday Night Live. Also, if you're anywhere in the area, you can go out to the La Brea Improv and see him tomorrow night, or Friday night, or Saturday night, or Sunday night. He'll be there all weekend.
49:52🔗
Adam
Yeah. It's in the city of... Wait a minute. It's the Brea. Sorry. I'm sorry. Thank you, Drew. That was quite a faux pas.
50:02🔗
Adam
No, you're right. I'm thinking of the street, and it's definitely the city. It's in the city of Brea. Then, are you out here to do that? You live in New York? You'll go back?
50:15🔗
Darrell Hammond
I'll go back to New York for a few days. Basically, I have to write some new jokes for the fall for the talk shows, you know? I've done so many talk shows, I don't have any more jokes.
50:27🔗
Darrell Hammond
And so I got to write some more jokes, so the best way to do that is to play a good club.
50:36🔗
Darrell Hammond
Very clean. I don't know why. I just, I don't know why it is. I'm embarrassed to get too profane.
51:11🔗
Yeah.
51:13🔗
Yeah.
51:40🔗
Which one?
52:38🔗
Darrell Hammond
Can I ask you a question? Isn't it possible that, I mean, is it possible that a person could have memories actually totally repressed about some sexual trauma?
52:50🔗
Drew
Yeah. But in this program anyway, we find that people that have been sexually abused tend to remember.
52:59🔗
Adam
I think this is definitely more search for daddy than it necessarily is some sexual abuse that you're acting out on.
53:30🔗
Adam
All right. So, he's not the world's worst guy, but he doesn't sound like a saint either.
53:45🔗
Adam
All right. So, Amanda, your mom was an alcoholic. Your original dad was probably an alcoholic.
53:52🔗
Adam
He beat up on your mom or did some bad things to your mom. Then he abandoned you and now everyone's daddy.
54:30🔗
Adam
Right. And Drew, how dare you make that allegation? Do you have anything to substantiate that? You hear this poor girl? I'm sorry, Adam.
54:38🔗
Adam
Well, I mean, here's the thing. You do a sprinkling of pot, marijuana, alcohol, and coke, and all of a sudden you're labeled a drug addict.
54:53🔗
Drew
This is, I think, an interesting manifestation for addiction. I think the older males are going to give her what she needs, these drugs and the place to do the drugs. She just plays the patsy and surreptitiously gets her disease massage.
55:17🔗
Drew
Yeah, that's all part of your addictive disease, Amanda. I suspect you were sort of probably sexualized at a young age. That's what sort of made you hypersexual. But the process of this progressivity and the preoccupation and the sort of consequences that are mounting from your behaviors is really part of an addictive process.
55:54🔗
Caller
Kind of, I guess. I'm afraid to talk to anybody about it because I don't want to be labeled like a slut or anything.
55:59🔗
Drew
Well, you're not, it's like you're an addict. And unless, and about 85, depending what literature you look at, what science you read, about 85% of addicts, alcoholics are sex addicts.
56:18🔗
Drew
And these choices are going to have consequences. And it's, you're sort of acting something out that you need to explore with your therapist and you need to get in some kind of recovery process going here. And working with your therapist, helping you come to grips with what's going on will increase the probability that you can go down the right path.
56:49🔗
Adam
Kobe had a rough night and that was something, we spent about the first 45 minutes on the Lakers to play off chances.
56:58🔗
Adam
Oh yeah, we didn't touch on that. I told you, Drew, if I am scared, if I talk too much about masturbation, I'll begin masturbating. Okay, it's, yeah, no one would want to see that. Liam?
57:16🔗
Darrell Hammond
Not much, I want to tell you that I absolutely love your work on Saturday Night Live.
57:22🔗
Darrell Hammond
And to Adam, that one lady on SNL that you were trying to think of, I think her name was Melanie Hutzel, if I remember.
57:35🔗
Right.
57:36🔗
Darrell Hammond
Yeah, and she also had that really annoying skit with like the Delta, Delta, Delta, can I help you, help you, help you, something like that.
57:43🔗
Right.
57:44🔗
Adam
Yeah. All right. But now we can't think of the name of the chick who took off when Dice Clay came on.
57:55🔗
Darrell Hammond
Okay. My question is for Dr. Drew. The first part of the question is, what is the success rate or the failure rate, as it were, for using the withdrawal method?
58:07🔗
Drew
Statistically, I'm not sure anybody has looked at what the probability of conception is that way, but it's considered not contraception.
58:27🔗
Drew
Well, even that's debatable. You know, if you look at it, it's interesting. One of our staff members at drdrew.com wrote an article about getting pregnant twice in college. It was her first sexual encounter. Guy withdrew well before ejaculation. She didn't believe she could get pregnant the first time. Is that wives tale out there? Right. She got pregnant. Yeah. Went out second time. Same thing. Guy withdrew. Got pregnant. Twice. Two for two. And the point being that it can happen very easily. And there's debate about whether or not it's actually issue of concentration of sperm or not or how much volume is leaked.
59:22🔗
Adam
I have a gasket on there that is made out of Kevlar. It really is. I don't even have a gasket. I have an O-ring around my nuts and nothing leaks through. I'm not a dribbler. Some guys are. And it's like certain dogs do that. Certain dogs don't. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. Liam?
59:50🔗
OK.
59:51🔗
Darrell Hammond
Would doing something like taking a small amount of Vaseline and sealing off the entrance to the urethra be effective in preventing the pre-fluid from escaping?
59:59🔗
Adam
Yes, that would be a very effective technique. It is outlined in detail on the drdrew.com.
1:00:10🔗
Drew
Take them and put them in the dirt. Take them in the dirt, and then where are they? You can take his penis.
1:00:17🔗
Adam
Yeah, Liam, tar would be more effective, to tell you the truth. It would stay in place. Cement dries hard, it would chip out.
1:00:24🔗
Adam
I think a tar or an epoxy like... Oh, I'll tell you what would work. Silicone caulking, the stuff you put around your bathtub tile. That'd stay in there. And if you used one of those caulking guns, you could probably get it halfway down the urethra. You know what I mean?
1:00:42🔗
Adam
Yeah, so it's like before any semen came out, a nice big log of silicone would come flying out. All right. All right, Liam.
1:00:58🔗
Adam
I understand. Oh, yeah. All right, it's not going to work. You have gum in your penis. Oh, yeah. Gum in the penis. How about that? That was another one of my great ideas. Angel?
1:01:08🔗
Yeah.
1:01:12🔗
Caller
Okay. I have a question. I've been dating this guy for almost a year, and we started having sex really soon after we started going out. We've had sex for almost every time we've seen each other.
1:01:32🔗
Caller
At least once a week. But my question is, the times that we don't have sex, I feel really let down and it puts me into a depression, and I'm just in a bad mood for a long time, and I don't know if it's an addiction or an emotional thing.
1:01:56🔗
Drew
Yeah. To try to tease out what's biological about that, what's psychological, very difficult thing to do. It's kind of normal to be let down and be affected by sort of a detachment, a rupture of your intimacy. Although this whole thing has got to be sort of overwhelming to manage at your age. A little bit much.
1:02:32🔗
Adam
I see. And you met him when you were 14? Oh baby. You don't have any problems with that, huh?
1:02:44🔗
Adam
Oh, I see. And now it's totally a different ballgame. I thought you were 14. That's different. 13 is fine. In the Jewish religion, that's when you become a woman.
1:02:54🔗
Adam
Except for the beard on the Jewish women doesn't come in until they're like 20, so there's some confusion there. Hey, Angel? Yeah. Don't get pregnant.
1:03:18🔗
Caller
No, but I just, I don't know what to do though, you know, because it puts me in such a mood. And like, is there anything that I can do, like vitamins or something?
1:03:27🔗
Caller
Yeah, it's just it, I think it might bother him because like every time I see him, you know, I want to, I want to have sex and.
1:04:09🔗
Adam
I see. All right, Angel. Listen, this is your issue. I don't know. There's no easy answer to it.
1:04:28🔗
Adam
All right. Mental note. Don't name daughter Angel. Every girl who calls in this show named Angel is 14 and getting it on with a guy who's out of high school.
1:04:49🔗
Caller
Well, I have this girlfriend. The sex girlfriend is coming in from out of state. And she seems to have something called genital warts. Yeah, I know.
1:05:00🔗
Caller
Well, yeah, I know. But it's bad if you don't have it and you want to have sex with that person.
1:05:20🔗
Caller
Well, I just want to know if I can have anal sex with her. I know Adam likes the anal sex questions.
1:05:33🔗
Caller
Well, I know that her gynecologist told her that condoms won't protect against genital warts.
1:05:43🔗
Caller
Well, from what she said, it's too easy to get them if I'm wearing a condom. And then we have vaginal sex.
1:05:54🔗
Caller
I'm a man and she's got a vagina, so she automatically hates me. So I'm not sure I'm going to get sex anyway.
1:06:50🔗
Adam
Oh, I did get that in his voice. And is that, by the way, those of you who, let me explain certain things to certain guys out there, and gals, but mainly the guys, there's certain things you enjoy, certain things that you're proud of, certain things you like to talk about. Understand you're drying up the vagina of the person you're talking to when you're telling them that. Keep it to yourself. Like, you could be insane about Star Trek, it could be your life, still should not be shared with your mate. There's nothing a chick hates more than that. And I'm curious why they find him physically repulsive. Danny, do they find you physically repulsive?
1:07:36🔗
Caller
No, actually, I think it's just because of the uniform that I wear. It's about three sizes too small, about it when I was 13.
1:08:03🔗
Adam
That's a good sign. All right, Danny, really, is there anything wrong with you? Other than the obvious? I mean, physically?
1:08:16🔗
Caller
No, I never got into the Dungeons and Dragons thing. It requires too much mental gymnastics.
1:08:23🔗
Adam
Right. So you see, it's scary, Danny, but you got the worst of all combinations, which is Star Trek Geek, Low IQ. It's a rare combination.
1:08:36🔗
Adam
Oh, my God. That is horrible. All right, Danny, enjoy yourself. Put the condom on and have fun in the back door there, all right? Right. Yeah. It must be great, though, to be Danny, because he is really... He is going to enjoy this sex at 23, like you enjoyed it at 16. You get that feeling? This is not old hat to him at all. No. She comes in through that front door, she is going to look like a giant turkey leg to those cartoon characters who get trapped on the island. You know what I mean?
1:09:11🔗
Yeah. Hey, what's up?
1:09:20🔗
Caller
And I love you on Saturday Night Live, dude. You do an awesome job playing Bill Clinton.
1:09:25🔗
I think that is just hilarious.
1:09:36🔗
Caller
I was wondering if the cast of Loveline and or Saturday Night Live can send me like an autograph by giving my address and...
1:10:04🔗
Adam
Hey, Steven. Yeah. If you send some kind of like self-addressed stamp envelope into us, I think we can send you a picture. All right. All right.
1:10:13🔗
Darrell Hammond
And if you want one from me, mail it to Rockefeller Center, 30 Rockefeller Center, 10019, care of NBC.
1:10:33🔗
Drew
You get fan emails once in a while. Where's that one from yesterday? Did you read that one yesterday?
1:10:37🔗
Adam
Yeah, I did. I wouldn't exactly call that fan mail. It's more sort of a deranged psychopath on the warpath.
1:10:53🔗
Adam
Hold on a second. That sounds a little boring. Girlfriend asked him to hit her during a sex prom. Now, wait a minute. Hold on a second. This could be something. John? Yes. Your girlfriend asked you to... All right. So Melissa's been on hold for 80 minutes. We'll get to you, Melissa. Just hold on a second. We got a show to do here. John?
1:11:46🔗
Adam
You know the actress that didn't go on Saturday Night Live the night the cast member, the night Andrew Dice Clay came on?
1:11:57🔗
Adam
That's right. Or did I say Nora Dunn? I said Jan Hooks. All right. There you go, Nora Dunn.
1:12:11🔗
I can't remember a single skit she was in, but I remember that she didn't show up on the show because she didn't like Dice Clay.
1:12:21🔗
There you go.
1:12:23🔗
Thanks, guys.
1:12:24🔗
Adam
All right. Hold on. We got to take ourselves a break. When we come back, you want to get to John?
1:12:36🔗
Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. We'll be right back.
1:13:09🔗
Adam
Yeah, it is Loveline. Adam Corolla is Dr. Drew over there. Darrell Hammond is our guest tonight.
1:13:54🔗
Darrell Hammond
I wanted to do voices for a living, and so I needed a recording studio to make my tapes, and I needed to make a lot of tapes to send out a lot, and so I got an overnight position. First pushing buttons and then later actually doing the weather, and then actually being a jock.
1:14:16🔗
Adam
What were some of your earliest impressions of voices? Were they voices or they impressions?
1:14:39🔗
Like you. Like you.
1:14:45🔗
Things you shouldn't know. Things you could know.
1:14:56🔗
Adam
Why is it so funny? There's something that's so inherently funny about that. If Paul Rubens was sitting here doing it, I wouldn't be laughing. If someone who's doing it and sounding like 99% of it, it's hysterical. What about a little Eddie Murphy?
1:15:14🔗
Darrell Hammond
Eddie Murphy. I met Eddie Murphy once and he came up to me and he said, I just want to say your stuff is freakish. That's what he said. Your stuff is freakish. But the way he said it was he goes, and then he laughed. He did his laugh. He said it like, I just want to say your stuff is freakish.
1:15:40🔗
Freakish, really?
1:15:43🔗
Darrell Hammond
I'm like, wow, that's awesome. He goes, no with the Jesse Jackson and the no in the hand of the thing.
1:15:55🔗
Adam
All right. You're familiar with the Million Man March and just- just the last Mother's Day, they had the Million Mom March. Is that a ripoff in any way? Do you feel slighted? Does it take away from your achievement as a Million Man March?
1:16:11🔗
Darrell Hammond
Well, we must separate the cream from the coffee. A, to combat the deficit, I've taken a position in the Middle East, and never become in the position of the day. Blacks have not seen a good time under Reagan. I have not run negative ads in Jibbity Jibbity and Ratatatat.
1:16:45🔗
Adam
Yeah, I was, again, I just sort of remember seeing it recently and I figured anyone who did an impersonation was you, but it was Tracy Morgan. Well, who else do I want to hear from Saturday Night Live? I mean, Jesse Jackson never gets old, of course. There's Clinton. But there's a lot more that I'm not thinking of.
1:17:04🔗
Darrell Hammond
There's a lot that I did one time. You know, I just learned, I had a few days to learn it. I mean, it's like Richard Dreyfuss, you know.
1:17:29🔗
Darrell Hammond
I love him. I used to warm up with the speech from Jaws, one of his speeches from Jaws. So I'll just do that. Okay.
1:17:36🔗
Caller
All right. Mr. Vaughn, Mr. Vaughn, what we're dealing with here is an eating machine, a miracle of evolution. All this machine does is eat and sleep and make little sharks. And that's all.
1:17:51🔗
I don't think you understand our problems.
1:17:58🔗
You're going to let it swim up behind you and bite you in the ass. Let's give on. Yeah.
1:18:32🔗
Darrell Hammond
Oh, all right. Sean Connery, let's see. Let's see. Let's see. Capone, like, we got to get down there. We got to work those new teeth in.
1:18:42🔗
Capone pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He puts one of yours in the hospital, you put one of his in the morgue. That's the Chicago way.
1:18:53🔗
Adam
Oh, that was excellent. Perfect. Yeah. Not the defiant ones. What am I thinking about?
1:19:13🔗
Caller
I really don't know. I don't know if I have issues and I want to try to figure it out.
1:19:18🔗
Darrell Hammond
You're scared of him on physically? Am I allowed to talk? Yeah, sure. Absolutely.
1:19:30🔗
Caller
Sometimes physically, I'm scared to get intimate with him and stuff, but then sometimes also emotionally, I'm scared to let him get close to me.
1:19:47🔗
Drew
But is this fear you have of him something sort of real? Is he an aggressive guy? No, no.
1:20:38🔗
Adam
Well, I normally don't do it with a guest on hand because it's something I do to fill the time, but maybe I can slide into a little Lightning Round and Darrell can call on his overnight shift experience to do a little can DJ.
1:21:10🔗
Adam
That's right. And I think Darrell could play along with that, I'd say. All right. So we'll do that in about five, 10 minutes or so. So let's first talk to Dylan. Dylan?
1:21:49🔗
Adam
So you mean if it soaked through your genes and then you put your genes in her, could she get pregnant?
1:22:04🔗
Adam
Yeah. You're all right. What's going on with you two, though? You don't take your clothes off?
1:22:20🔗
Adam
I see. You have to keep your clothes on. You just have a big puddle in your pants when you leave the house. That's nice.
1:22:29🔗
Adam
Listen, when you do have sex, you got to use some birth control, right? Please. Yeah. And you cannot use the withdrawal method because you're a leaker. All right.
1:22:48🔗
Adam
All right. So you cannot pull out. All right. You must wear a condom. Do you understand?
1:23:04🔗
Adam
You clean it up? Good. There's nothing more humiliating for a father than doing a son's laundry and having to break the corduroys over his knee to get them into the washing machine.
1:23:30🔗
Caller
It's because sometimes my girlfriend sleeps over here without my parents knowing. And it's just that I find it very uncomfortable and I haven't told her about it. And I was wondering if I should talk to her.
1:23:48🔗
Adam
Yeah. You got a lot to learn. You should never share honest thoughts with your mate. Do you understand me? Never. Only come... Yeah, here's the deal.
1:24:05🔗
Adam
Yeah, a gay guy could do that, yeah. Because his partner's thinking about, you know, one of the guys from Friends while he's getting blown by the other guy. Or possibly you, Dr. Drew. Possibly you. But here's what I'm saying. Here's the deal with women. You know that adage, if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all? That's good with the ladies. Just give them the compliments and save all the beefs, all the thoughts, all those things. People always talk about, you should be honest in a relationship, it's important to communicate, all that nonsense out the window. Believe me, it took me a long time to figure that out. Just say the happy thoughts and bury the bad ones. Right, Drew?
1:25:01🔗
Darrell Hammond
Someone that you can like quote song lyrics from Elton John and claim they're yours.
1:25:24🔗
Adam
What you do to me. Yeah. I thought first you're going to Ario Speedwagon, but I see we went to Ugeshaga. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. Darrell Hammond is our guest tonight. When we come back, I think we'll do a little, what's over there?
1:25:47🔗
Drew
Chad has heard that the head of your penis will fall off if you have anal sex. That's true. Ace Rockolla will address that.
1:25:54🔗
Adam
Oh, that's right. Yeah, that's my name. And listen, gents, that's true if you try getting me. Spread the word. We'll be back.
1:26:31🔗
Hey, this is Jonathan Silverman, and you're listening to Loveline with Ace Rakola and Dr. Drew.
1:26:45🔗
Adam
Yeah, that's right, guys and gals out there. This is Ace Rockolla, it's a good part over there. Dr. Drew and his smack dab.
1:26:53🔗
Adam
It's a two for Wednesday. Let me check the time real quick. It's 11.46 straight up to 14 minutes away from the top of the hour, 12 midnight, the witching hour, and your smack dab in the middle of the lightning round. Tonight, our guest is the very, very, very, very, very, very funny man, Darrell Hammond. You find him on Saturday Night Live. Let me tell you something. This kid is hot, hot, hot. He's going to be down to brain improv all this weekend, doing his jokes and whatnot. Maybe a little Jesse Jesbell, maybe a little Bill Clinton. You get out there and see him, sport of hands. All right, let's hop back on the phone. Let's see who we got. It's Dr. Drew, call number one. Jesbell.
1:27:36🔗
Adam
Yeah, what's going on? Jesbell, let me check time real quick. It's 1146 and 42nd. That is 13 minutes and 20 seconds away from the top of the hour, straight up midnight, there was an hour.
1:27:47🔗
Adam
You listen to Loveline and Ace Rockolla's Bar Die Drop. Darrell Hammond is very funny, very funny man, very funny Saturday Night Live. What's up there, Jesbell?
1:28:03🔗
Adam
Try a little bit. Darrell, let me check time before you get on. It's 1147 in 10 seconds.
1:28:28🔗
Adam
Hey, Darrell's Ace Rockolla died in there. Why don't you talk about Jell-O? Because I know Bill loves that Jell-O. The hawk, that Jell-O, the jaw-hawk. Let me check time real fast.
1:28:38🔗
Adam
I'm checking the time here, Jell-O. It's 1147 and 40 seconds. That's 12 minutes and 20 seconds. The wind is out of the hour, straight up minute. Uh, Darrell Hammond, he gets very funny, man. Very funny, Saturday Night Live. Hot, hot, hot. Go ahead, there, Darrell. A little Bill Cosby there with the Jell-O.
1:28:58🔗
Caller
My question is, okay, I have both my nipples pierced, and I want to know if I'm going to be able to breastfeed, because I know when you take out piercings, it builds up scar tissue behind my neck.
1:29:19🔗
Adam
All right, babe, it's going to be like a rain bird on your yonkers, you know what I'm saying? Thanks, GOWE.
1:29:26🔗
Adam
Yeah, that's right. That's Dr. Drew over there. I'm Ace Rockolla, Darrell Hammond, Saturday Night Live. Very, very, very, very funny man and hot, hot, hot. On your Tuesday. He's going to be at the LeBray & Bravo this week coming up. He's a little bit of a human before you find out.
1:29:47🔗
I'm Ted Cavill.
1:29:47🔗
Adam
That is a little bit of a minute and 12 seconds of waving the top of the hour straight. I was hot back on the bus. Do a little more Ted Cavill for us, Darrell. You're very hot with that.
1:29:57🔗
It's the kind of smut many of the porn stores won't even carry.
1:30:05🔗
There I was down in Cuba. I'll go.
1:30:10🔗
I'm down in, I'm in Cuba. I've got Castro on one side. I've got the poop on the other side. And all of a sudden, a girl in Washington gives a BJ to the president. And my dream of a, can I have another margarita? My dream of a, I don't know what to say.
1:30:32🔗
La la la.
1:30:35🔗
Adam
You're 25, but you're just back there in the middle of the lightning round. I'm Ace Rockolla, because by the way, I drew a sketch over there.
1:30:45🔗
Caller
I was skating like about last week on a Wednesday, and I was busting a gap, and I landed on a rail, and I, you know, crunched my nards pretty good.
1:31:07🔗
Caller
Because I didn't really think anything of it. They just put a nice back, you know, like that.
1:31:15🔗
Drew
They hurt like hell. Yeah. I don't know. What point would you actually go see the doctor?
1:31:21🔗
Adam
Hey, Kevin? Yeah? What would it take, like a Komodo dragon hanging off of your testicle's bite jaw in order for you to think something may be up with the testes or is the balloon size in black and blue good enough? That's Darrell Hammond over there, by the way. He's gonna be the brain of all weekend long. Hey, Kevin, get in, see the doc. What do you say, buddy?
1:31:40🔗
Drew
Yeah, you can rupture the testes. You can permanently affect your fertility to social levels.
1:31:45🔗
Adam
Let me tell you something about Ace Rockolla. Something hams the family jewels. I ain't driving myself being airlifted in, you know what I'm saying? Medevac helicopter right out the chimney. Let me check the time. It's 11.51 straight up. That's nine minutes away from the top of the hour. The witch in Hour 12 Midnight. Darrell Hammond, very funny man from Saturday Night Live. Let's go in and join us in. Funny, funny, funny, funny, funny, funny, funny, funny man and hot, hot, hot. Jeff?
1:32:11🔗
Caller
Oh my god, dude. I'm so shaking. Adam, you were like, God, dude, I've listened to you guys for so long.
1:32:18🔗
Caller
You're so cool in Saturday Night Live, dude. I've been watching it forever since. John Belushi, man.
1:32:22🔗
Adam
Thanks, man. Well, you really hit the hat trick tonight. Jeff, you're 16 years old. What's your question, man?
1:32:27🔗
Caller
Baby. Yeah. I used to do LSD a lot, like in the seventh grade, like when I was a freshman.
1:32:35🔗
Caller
Yeah, and I still continue to do it. I don't know, I've been hearing sounds lately. It's like hard for me to get to bed.
1:32:48🔗
Drew
Jeff, it kills me when kids do this to themselves because acid, ecstasy, these are drugs that are known to damage brain. Time Magazine did a thing about ecstasy. I read it. It was awful. It killed me that they were just basically presenting the facts about people who deal with patients who have damage from ecstasy as though it's some sort of biased presentation of people who have some agenda to get kids to stop doing drugs. Hey, you won't choose to do drugs. Enjoy. But realize the brain gets damaged. You're going to hear voices. You're going to have mood disturbances.
1:33:20🔗
Adam
Drew, I know this is a very passionate subject of you and I hate to cut you off, but let me check the time. Thank you very much. It's 11.52 and 37 seconds away from the top there. Peewee Herman and Ted Koppel are both in the studio tonight. Peewee, you there, buddy? Ted, you still standing by?
1:33:52🔗
Darrell Hammond
Let me say to the people of America and the nations of the world that I hate your ass. I swear to God, I do.
1:33:59🔗
Adam
Bill, could you step aside for just one second? Jesse Jackson would like to say something?
1:34:17🔗
Adam
Ted Kennedy stepped into the studio. No, he just left. Ted has not stepped in. Ted just poked his head in to say hi to Jesse and Clinton and he stepped out. I'm Ace Rockolla, that's my partner Dr. Drew. Wait a minute, Adam Corolla stepped into the studio. Do you do an Adam Corolla?
1:34:43🔗
Adam
He can not be replicated or duplicated anyway? He can't be repeated. God bless you. And that's why Darrell, you could certainly do a blah blah blah blah blah.
1:34:51🔗
Adam
Blah blah blah blah blah. That's why Darrell Hammond is at La Brea Improv all this week, kitty.
1:34:59🔗
Adam
Brea. Yes, I've said that 400 times. We're going to take ourselves a quick break. I'm going to check the time during the time out break. And we'll be back after this. What's up?
1:35:47🔗
Adam
Yep, it is Loveline. All right, that about does it for the show. I want to tell all you to go out to the Brea Improv and check out Darrell Hammond.
1:35:58🔗
Adam
He is hot, hot, hot, Darrell is. Thursday through Sunday. Also, of course, you can see him on Saturday Night Live, which is on Thursdays on the Fox Network. UPN. UPN, they switch it on UPN. I'm sorry, Thursday nights, 7.45, I believe it is. Darrell, always good to see you. Not only a bona fide talent, but a bona fide nice guy.
1:36:23🔗
Adam
Very friendly and enjoy not only conversations on the air, but the conversations during the commercials here.