9:54🔗
Voiceover
Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.
10:09🔗
Adam
Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, it's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 3108-54-4455. Dr. Drew's a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Tonight, our guest from The Parkers on UPN Monday night, it's 8.30, Monique is here.
10:29🔗
Drew
Monique, I have to add to something we were talking about just before we went on the air, we were talking about how we sometimes all kind of yawn or get tired before we're going to go do something. As soon as Adam starts speaking, I swear to God, I nearly fall immediately into a stupor. It's like some sort of hypnotic trance.
10:51🔗
Adam
Mo'Nique was, well, she's been in here a couple of times. Let's see, when the last time?
11:04🔗
Adam
I didn't even know she was coming till today. Yeah. We'll go with that. Ooh, that's you. That is you.
11:14🔗
Adam
Mo'Nique can be found with Countess Vaughn on The Parkers, as I said, on UPN, Monday Nights, 830. And is also, we'll talk about some of her other endeavors. Launching a plus size clothing line.
11:50🔗
Mo’Nique
Right. There's no in-between. Either you're a 12 girl or a 14 girl. A 13 girl, we just throw her away. You have to be either or.
11:57🔗
Adam
Right. Well, most 13 girls are probably lying, say they're 12 girls instead of round up to 14.
12:05🔗
Adam
Now, you see, I can never figure out women's clothing sizes, whether it be bras or dresses. I think in a way that's part of a master plan to keep guys unbalanced. One more thing we can't figure out about women, for instance, shoe sizes. You ever try to buy shoes? Women love shoes. You ever tried to buy shoes for a girlfriend or your wife or something?
12:29🔗
Adam
You walk in there and it's like, I think she's about a seven. Is that a man's seven or a woman? Then you end up going.
12:37🔗
Mo’Nique
But that's why you have to pay close attention to your woman. When she goes shoe shopping, you go with her.
12:43🔗
Drew
This is the point, you got a master plan here. It's like some sort of test, was he paying attention?
12:48🔗
I don't know, ladies.
12:49🔗
Adam
Here's how guys work. Shirts are small, medium, large or extra large. That's a no-brainer. The guy's over 180 pounds, you just go extra large. Even if it's a little big on him, fine. The pants, that's another no-brainer. It's whatever the waist and whatever the length is.
13:16🔗
Adam
Well, gym pants. But okay, even that's easy enough. But when a guy is a 34, he's a 34. And if he's put on a couple pounds, you grab him a 36.
13:33🔗
Adam
No, no, no, no. We deal incrementally. Women, you know, dress size four, then a six. I mean, most guys don't know if a size 10 is a small woman or a large woman. Doesn't sound like a big dress.
14:04🔗
Mo’Nique
A 10, you're thick. You're not fat, but you're thick. You're not considered a skinny woman.
14:17🔗
Adam
And after 32, you got to just size yourself up for a casket, like a piano box. You take a piano box, you put holes in the bottom of it, and you put rope around it for shoulder straps. Don't do it Adam.
14:39🔗
Adam
Yeah. Then after that, where you had custom stuff? I mean, what I'm saying is, do they make clothing lines for the super jumbo? Oh, yeah.
14:48🔗
Mo’Nique
They make like 4X, 5X, 6X. But with my clothing line, because it is mini skirts, because it is form-fitting and it's tight, we have to keep it at a 32.
15:04🔗
Adam
Is this for all ethnicities? Because black women can get away with a 32 skin-tight dress. It's an eyeful, but they can somehow pull it off. You blacks are so lucky with your apparel. You really are.
15:19🔗
Adam
A black guy can wear any hat he wants, for instance. White guy, no way. No way is a white guy wearing like a fedora with a feather in it. You know what I mean?
15:28🔗
Mo’Nique
Well, no, if you saw the movie, the special HBO, Pimp's Up, Hoes Down, Mr. White Man had on a fedora, a hat with a fedora, yes.
15:41🔗
Adam
All right, but other white guys were laughing at him. Black guys wear whatever hats, whatever jackets, they can wear whatever they want, whatever jewelry.
15:49🔗
Adam
Yeah, no way a white guy can get away with some of that jewelry. You know what I'm saying? We're very limited as white people. We can wear sweatpants and t-shirts. That's all. Talk about oppressed. Please, how dare you? And also, by the same token, black women, I've seen some voluptuous black women with an emphasis on the chest. That's always nice. It's a nice distraction there. But they can wear some tight stuff, some form-fitting dresses, some miniskirts, and sort of pull it off. A white chick tries to put her big white ass into that. It's not pretty.
16:30🔗
Mo’Nique
But I think with black women, we're very shapely. At a size zero or a size 32, we're very shapely women. And with white women, they can also wear my line of clothing. It's just that they have to get girdles to position it the right way. To enhance what may not be there and pull back what's there too much.
16:50🔗
Adam
Black women definitely look better bigger in clothes and out of clothes, too. And I was just thinking a second ago, it's really the opposite of cars, meaning black car shows off the dirt and a white car looks better, stays cleaner longer. It's the opposite with people. Black women don't show off the flaws as much and white women do. Do you know what I'm saying? Do you know what I'm saying?
17:16🔗
Adam
You get a black car and that one day after the car wash can look like hell. White car can look good for two weeks even parked under the same trees, the black car. But when it comes to naked bodies and flesh, it's the exact opposite.
17:33🔗
Adam
Yeah. I've seen a lot of pictures. I've never actually been with a black woman, but I enjoy them. I mean, through the magic of video and publications. I do. I do. I like black women.
17:55🔗
Adam
Now, is it because the women are bigger, is it a thicker catalog or does that not make sense? Is there less women you can squeeze onto each page?
18:10🔗
Mo’Nique
Well, actually, we did a nation-wide model search for women all over the country, and the response was overwhelming, and we selected eight ladies.
18:21🔗
Adam
Let me let you in on something. You don't have to travel that far to find the hefty women who want to pack their ass into a women's shirt.
18:27🔗
Mo’Nique
Well, actually, I found that in California, the women weren't too proud of being hefty women.
18:34🔗
Mo’Nique
But all over the country, like especially down south. Oh, my God. They love eating biscuits and gravy.
18:47🔗
Adam
And so these women, you pick some of them, they model the stuff. You designed the stuff?
18:53🔗
Adam
And then it's just emaciated Indonesian kids who put it together. Isn't that ironic? 400 pound women wear it. 80 pound Indonesian kids actually sew it together.
19:25🔗
Mo’Nique
I kept it very reasonable. But it does actually make sense because it's a lot more fabric, but I kept it very reasonable.
19:30🔗
Adam
Yeah. But that's how you know women's clothing is overpriced in general, which is it has nothing to do with the amount of fabric in it. And to me, blouse should be like a sandwich. Yeah. Big sandwich costs more than a small sandwich. It doesn't work that way with women's clothing.
19:51🔗
Drew
Think about these restaurants. You have a little teeny piece of food and very expensive.
20:00🔗
Yes.
20:05🔗
Caller
Okay. There's nothing wrong with me in my vaginal area. But when I have intercourse, the inner lips swell up enormously and it takes a few days to go down.
20:28🔗
Drew
Why don't you have something to look at? I've had some training. Why don't you have somebody to look at who has a little training?
20:40🔗
Adam
Why don't you just go ahead and cite that example right off the top? You know what I mean? I had a doctor look at it.
21:10🔗
Drew
Your body is only... I know that the music and everything and the culture will leave you to believe that you're supposed to do it for a long, long time. But in reality, most people can't go that long.
21:21🔗
Drew
OK. And it hurts you to go too long. You'll start getting urine infections and all kinds of good stuff.
21:26🔗
Caller
I checked for that too because I was urinating frequently and I had a pelvis examination and they couldn't find anything.
21:41🔗
Take it easy.
21:42🔗
Adam
Well, let me ask you, Drew, I've never, stop flipping that, please. I've never, I can hear it.
21:49🔗
Adam
Well, you can hear it through your goddamn mic. What are you talking about? Jesus Christ.
22:00🔗
Adam
I hope it's stopped. Now, here's what I want to say. We've never gotten into this before, my recollection.
22:08🔗
Adam
How long, the human body is set up to be able to do certain things for certain periods of time. Your muscles get too much lactic acid in them after a certain period of time. It's all designed to sort of protect you in a way, right?
22:23🔗
Adam
How long was the body designed to have sex for? I know it varies, but what I mean is, is didn't nature sort of have a plan?
22:36🔗
Drew
No. In fact, the quicker you could make the exchange, the more likely you would have completed it.
22:51🔗
Adam
Right, right. So maybe the way the human or the female anatomy is, and maybe the male for that part, but especially the female, maybe it's sort of designed by nature to be good for eight minutes.
23:27🔗
Adam
I know you're not going to be able to answer this, but what I mean is, all your parts, all the way you're laid out, you blink a certain amount an hour. There's a sort of design to that because it would screw up your eyeball to blink once a day. You blink 10,000 times a day. That's the way your eyeball is designed. And you swallow a certain amount an hour. That's the way your palate or your tongue or your belly or whatever is designed. There has to be some thought behind the vagina, is what I'm saying.
24:00🔗
Adam
Yeah, I mean, you think, but it's not even most women. I'm just curious what the overall plan is. I know you don't have an answer.
24:32🔗
Adam
Within, yeah. Yeah, sure. A week later. But, yeah. With those non plus size, that's it, four or five seconds. I'm scared I'm going to break them like a number two pencil.
24:49🔗
Adam
Yeah, you go at Monique like a cot mattress, you know, just pile on there. You couldn't hurt it. Just go to town.
25:03🔗
Adam
But, but Drew, would you say that the woman was sort of, if you found the average length of the man, would you say that's about what the woman was designed for? Do you know what I'm saying? I'm talking about nature and its infinite wisdom and how it designs things.
26:03🔗
Adam
Hey, The Parkers are going to be on in three minutes. Now is the time. I'd be done before the show started. All right. After two straight hours.
26:15🔗
Yes.
26:23🔗
Adam
Could I? Hold on a second. I could go in either three minutes or I could go in three hours.
26:50🔗
Caller
Well, it's kind of an odd one. I'm dating a guy who is, who I just found out is a girl.
27:03🔗
Caller
And I've been dating him for a while, and I just found this out, and so I'm just kind of...
27:06🔗
Drew
Well, now, these days, I sort of have to ask the question, what do you mean? Does that mean he doesn't have a penis?
28:22🔗
Adam
And how come you didn't consummate the relationship, you didn't go for the junk, you didn't notice that there was absence of penis?
29:06🔗
Caller
Not that I know of. I mean, I've felt him. I've touched him and it didn't feel like it.
29:24🔗
Caller
I'm just curious how I'm supposed to bring it up. I mean, he's feminine, but feminine in the way that most gay men are feminine. So in a way, it makes sense. But at the same time, it's just like it doesn't seem like it's any more feminine than most gay guys are.
29:43🔗
Caller
You remember the first time a woman that was, or a man that was actually a woman performed oral sex on you?
30:04🔗
Caller
I've been with a lot of guys who lied and then here, he is saying that he's going to be this honest person. When you find out, it's like this huge lie.
30:23🔗
Caller
About two months. I've known him, her for about four months. That's the thing that trips me out.
30:28🔗
Adam
Hold on one second. Hold on a second. By the way, if you're dating a guy, whether it's heterosexual or gay relationship, and it's two months into it, and he ain't throwing the junk in your face, you can just go ahead and assume there ain't no junk to throw. Do you know what I mean?
30:49🔗
Adam
A gay man dates a guy for two months, playing a coy, not going for the junk. Are you kidding me? That's why you go gay, so you can get some that night.
31:22🔗
Adam
Can we? No, I meant mine. Can we? Let's give Joe a call. Let's get this straightened out.
31:28🔗
Adam
What do you say? Why not? You want to get to the truth, right? You don't know how to do it yourself.
31:35🔗
Adam
Aaron, you know what happens when you sit back and rely on your own instincts? Yeah. You get a vagina.
31:58🔗
Caller
Trust me. And I heard what you were saying. If a guy isn't throwing his junk up in your face, then he ain't got junk to throw.
32:26🔗
Adam
All right. Hey, Aaron. Yeah. Why did her cousin tell you? What are you doing talking to the cousin?
32:47🔗
Adam
No. But what's wrong with your antenna? How did it get so bent that you got hooked up with this person?
32:53🔗
Caller
I don't know. I mean, that's the thing that blows my mind away. I mean, how do you not know that a guy is a girl?
33:02🔗
Caller
I mean, like I said, he seems feminine, but no more feminine than any other gay man seems.
33:08🔗
All right.
33:11🔗
Jesus.
33:15🔗
Adam
All right. All right. Let me pick your next guy. I don't know. Call him and confront him tomorrow or something.
33:24🔗
Adam
You know, it's funny though. You hear about this the other way around all the time. Guy hooking up with what he thinks is a chick turns out to be a guy, and then we all retch and go, I can't believe that. No, it's disgusting. When you hear about it this way, it's not so bad.
33:42🔗
Adam
Well, airing wretches, but to us, it's just kind of funny. As a matter of fact, it's like, ah, she did you a favor. Come on, come on, buddy. Trying to bring you back. All right.
33:59🔗
Drew
It would be nice to talk to her, even if you would let us talk to her ourselves, just to probe into what's going on there.
34:04🔗
Adam
All right, well, I'm not doing any more probing with her. I'll tell you what, you talk during the break, all right? Yeah, because we'll keep Aaron on hold. You do your probing using your magic wand there. We'll take a little break and we'll be back after this.
34:21🔗
This is Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. We'll be right back.
35:01🔗
Adam
Yeah, it is Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Darrell Hammond will be in here tomorrow night. He does all the good voices on Saturday Night Live, Clinton and everybody. He's really a talented guy, Darrell Hammond is.
35:19🔗
Adam
Yeah, Darrell Hammond, last time he was in here, was talking about, I guess he did some standup on a cruise line. I think it was a Disney cruise line.
35:29🔗
Adam
Somewhere in the Bahamas and got off and somebody, I don't know, gave him a line of coke and he got busted. Before he knew it, he was in some prison like.
35:42🔗
Adam
Midnight Express, right? His dad had to come get him and he was in there for months. And it was like just the Disney boat pulled out and left him. And it was a bizarre story and he was telling it. And I was kind of making my standard jokes. And he wasn't laughing. It had been some years, but he clearly was not over that experience. And was not excited about me cracking prison jokes either. And he was close to tears, I'd say, at certain points of that story. But all comedians are nuts, especially ones who do impressions. Anyway, Monique is our guest tonight. Monday night, it's 8.30 UPN. She's on the Parkers.
36:29🔗
Mo’Nique
You know what? It's a wonderful show. Right now, it is the number one show in African-American households. It is the highest-rated African-American sitcom, period, on all channels in history. It actually has the highest numbers. So we're very proud of that.
36:43🔗
Drew
Not to ask the obvious question, but what note do you think it's sort of, why does it ring true for so many people?
36:49🔗
Mo’Nique
Because I think it's real life. I don't think it's a lollipop story. I think that it's totally true reactions. Everyone, maybe black, white, Chinese, Italian, everyone has a Nikki and Kim Parker in their family. Everyone has that crazy aunt and that silly cousin. Or people look at Nikki Parker and say, that's my mother, that's my sister, that's my auntie. So it was just true to life. And I think that's why the show is so successful.
37:27🔗
Adam
I had like an uncle, Ralph, in Philadelphia. He was just sort of sat around and collected disability. And Uncle Mario in Philadelphia still lived at home. And my mom sort of locked herself in the room and waited to die. My dad read books and went on walks. There wasn't an argument. There was no excitement. You couldn't make a sitcom out of the Carolla house.
37:58🔗
Mo’Nique
That's what I love about you. But if you did have an auntie, she would be like Nikki Parker.
38:02🔗
Adam
That's what I was saying to my mom the other day. I was cursing her for not having an auntie. Yes. You're 25. What's up?
38:13🔗
Caller
Basically, I've been seeing my boyfriend now. We've been friends for a year and a half. And we've been dating exclusively for a year now. And two weeks ago, he noticed about five red spots on his penis. So we went to the doctor and the doctor took a culture. And it turns out that it's herpes. Now, we don't know where he would have gotten it from because, you know, like I said, we've been monogamous for a year now. I went to my gynecologist and he said that everything looks fine on me.
38:45🔗
Caller
I've had cold sores in the past. I mean, never when I performed oral sex on him or anything like that.
39:00🔗
Caller
I guess that is definitely a possibility, but not to my knowledge. I mean, I'm usually pretty careful about that.
39:07🔗
Drew
The two sort of feasible explanations would be, A, he is strayed or B, it's something from your mouth. And it sounds more-
39:23🔗
Drew
That's absolutely true. If he really, usually the initial outbreak is rather intense, but if he had actually, in fact, never noticed anything, but it had something at one time, yeah, it's possible.
39:37🔗
Caller
We've been friends for a year and a half, but we've been dating exclusively for a year. So when we were just kind of friends there, he was seeing other people.
39:43🔗
Drew
The thinking now is that the majority of people, Adam loves this stuff, the majority of people with herpes don't know they have it. Really? Yeah.
40:01🔗
Adam
Listen, if you got something you don't know you got it, God bless you. I hope you never find out.
40:06🔗
Caller
My doctor said that he thinks that I'm fine, but my question to him was, I don't want to completely abandon the relationship now because I do, you know, I love him. But, you know, I asked him, you know, what does that mean? We just have protected sex. And my doctor said that while he does not have an outbreak, that there's not a risk of...
40:26🔗
Drew
That's not entirely accurate. There's certainly a substantially reduced risk, but it can still occur. There can be a transmission.
40:34🔗
Adam
Hey, Drew, but what about, you've spoken about this many a time, and you're sitting up here high in your ivory tower and you're playing it safe because you're not the one who has to don the condom with the person you may be married to or you may be thinking about getting married to or have a long-term committed, monogamous relationship with. But realistically, a person does not want to use a condom every time they make love to somebody they've been with for a couple of years and are serious about. So obviously, there is a chance that you could pass this on even when you're not having a breakout. But the question is, what are the chances when you're not having a breakout?
41:10🔗
Drew
If maybe an easier way to answer is to say, what would I do? All right, what would you do? I would use a condom.
41:28🔗
Drew
The schnapps, that is. I would be very protected and careful, but I would definitely not leave the relationship. I would definitely not withhold anything. But I'd be very cautious and use all the reduction measures I could.
41:45🔗
Drew
Every time? Until you get married. And then if you're really going to get married, then forget it. Then I would just blow it off at that point.
41:52🔗
Adam
All right. But what you're saying is that's still not a great answer, because people don't know that. I mean, they can be in a committed relationship and not ready to get married. So don't want to use the condom.
42:03🔗
Adam
All right. But wait a second. Is there any way to test for this when you're not having a breakout?
42:09🔗
Drew
No, because sometimes just the contact, in other words, the initiation of the transfer of the virus will stimulate an outbreak in both people.
42:26🔗
Adam
Well, can't they work? I mean, put it this way. Let's say you have genital herpes, all right?
42:35🔗
Adam
No, I'm not, although I have an invention, which is venereal sniffing dogs, dogs that sniff it out. Dogs can tell. They got a serious nose on them. And they like to sniff the crotch area, so it's a natural. Now, here's what I'm saying. Let's say you have genital herpes, right? And you don't have a breakout. But there are times when you're going to have a breakout or you just had a breakout. There's times when there's probably more of that going on down there and times when there's less. But you can't tell because you're not seeing anything.
43:12🔗
Drew
But it's an interesting idea. I do know somebody who's developing very, very intense sort of sensitive detection devices. I haven't talked to them about this. It's an interesting idea.
43:22🔗
Adam
Penanometer where you just shove your Johnson into a hole and it scans it and you pull it out.
43:42🔗
Unacceptable.
44:04🔗
Drew
Nothing I could think of. I suppose, again, the herpes thing comes up. I mean, if you had some mouse sores or outbreaks.
44:13🔗
Adam
My grandfather used to do it that way. Did he hurt you? He was Walrus Lard back then. I was in Hungary many years ago, about the turn of the century. They didn't have the Jergens and the...
44:25🔗
Adam
Ponds and all that. But he said during the winter, when sometimes when they couldn't get the Walrus Lard, he'd actually have to use his own saliva. So, well, you know, he lived till 94, so it seemed to work out for him. All right, Rob, you're all right.
44:48🔗
Drew
Yes. No. That's a friend of mine. If you have acne, go get that treated. There's no reason to walk around with that.
44:55🔗
Drew
Yeah, those kinds of theories circulate around, but the fact is it's a bacteria and you got to get that treated. Certainly, if you have cystic acne, Accutane is curative.
45:06🔗
Yes.
45:10🔗
Caller
Hi. I've masturbated with my plant about four times, and I was wondering if there's any type of bacteria or anything that I should be worried about.
45:31🔗
It was sent to me in the mail.
45:34🔗
Adam
All right. It was a bulb that grew? All right. All right. Hold on a second. Yeah. You know, I've heard you're supposed to talk to your plants, but effing them seems to be taking it a little bit too far. It's really fun, actually. Well, hey, listen, if you can talk to a plant, why not eff them? You know what I mean?
45:54🔗
Adam
Uh, it does when it's on top of her. We'll take a little break. Mo'Nique is here from The Parkers. We'll come back. We'll talk to Danielle, who sits on her ivy after this.
46:12🔗
Loveline will be right back.
46:46🔗
Adam
Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. This is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Daryl Hammond is going to be in here tomorrow night from Saturday Night Live, the guy that does all the voices. Tonight we have Monique. She is from The Parkers. Her and Countess Vaughn. Monday nights, 8.30 on UPN. And we're just talking off the air about nature's plan for humans, at least the biological creatures known as humans. And I just had an interesting thought. We were talking about earlier in the show how long guys could have sex and how the guys who got that seed out of them a little faster were more efficient back in the caveman days.
47:32🔗
Adam
And just better off. I mean, you don't want to have your pants down and your back turned for too long.
47:39🔗
Adam
A wooly mammoth is going to put a tusk up your ass or something. You were in a hurry back then. And so it made me think, you know, guys now are made fun of for doing that. But in a way, biologically, it was almost a blessing.
47:54🔗
Adam
And then I was thinking about Monique's plus size clothing. And I thought, you know, we make fun of fat people now. But that's another biological thing from back when that they they store the fuel more efficiently.
48:25🔗
Exactly.
48:30🔗
Mo’Nique
But you know what? I think Monique is bringing that back. Nikki Parker is bringing that back.
48:38🔗
Adam
Sexy plus size. 14 to 32, everybody. Yes. But let me just give this word of caution to a lot of gals. And Monique, I don't want to rub you the wrong way here. But a lot of gals I see out there, they were big gals at one point. Maybe they were up around, let's say, three bills or something. Then they started dieting, they started exercising, they were feeling pretty good about themselves. And they lost 50, 75 pounds. So all of a sudden, they're packing their ass into that stuff they never dreamt they were getting their ass into. Cycling shorts and thong back this or tight tennis skirts or whatever. My point is, you may be 50 pounds lighter than you were before, but to me you're still 250 and that's too much for the cycling shorts. Do you know what I'm saying?
49:31🔗
Mo’Nique
I totally agree. But see, it goes both ways. No, a girl at 250 cannot weigh that, but a girl at 25 pounds cannot weigh that either.
49:41🔗
Drew
You and I were talking about last night how much attractiveness is sort of an illusion that people create for other people. You can be attractive with almost any attribute, with whatever facial features, any body features, people can make themselves attractive.
49:57🔗
Adam
Well, now listen, big gals are going to be, the people that are going to be attracted to big gals are guys who like big gals, and they're out there. We don't talk about it that much as a society. We just assume every guy wants a waif model, but there's plenty guys out there who want a big gal.
50:15🔗
Mo’Nique
But you know what I've been getting a lot lately? A lot of men, white and black, have been saying, oh my God, you are so sexy on that show.
50:24🔗
Mo’Nique
Mostly black, but white men as well. But a lot of men I think now are looking at Nikki Parker or Monique saying, you know what, she is pretty. She is very sexy. She is gorgeous. So at one point when society said it was not cute or faboo to date a fat girl, well now it's being brought to the forefront that yeah, it is okay and you'll stay very warm on a cold night.
51:09🔗
Mo’Nique
I think that most African American women are women of size. We're not these size two and threes because that's just not in us. We're big women. We're big boned women. So, I think that even if you go back in history, most women were healthy women, women of size. It was the average size 14. Then we went through this whole period where I've got to lose weight. I've got to be small. I've got to be small. I've got to be small. Well, now we're back to that same period where the average size woman is a size 14.
51:44🔗
Mo’Nique
Right. I think that all of the magazines. I think Hollywood said, Oh my, we have to see your rib cage. We need to see your spine. We need to see your heart beat.
51:55🔗
Adam
Gay designers. Yeah, that's who did it. The gays. They did it to straight guys and women.
52:13🔗
Adam
Now, I would be, the only reason I won't be with a big woman is because she'd make my penis look small.
52:25🔗
Mo’Nique
See, what I'm going to tell you, some animal for big girl, you have several options. You see what I'm saying? There's several places to go with a small penis.
52:38🔗
Mo’Nique
It depends on where you want to go. It depends. You can go in the back, in the side, on the leg, in the knee area, wherever you choose.
53:45🔗
Caller
Well, it's really long. It's really phallic looking. It's just one. And it's actually a flower. So it grows up. It has a really thick stalk. And it's about to bud. And it's huge. The bud is, I don't know, maybe a little less than my hand. Like, that's how big it is. So that top part is really what I've been masturbating with.
54:40🔗
Caller
I don't know. I just, I started taking a psychology of ecology class and I totally got into my connection with nature. You were never culminated into...
55:22🔗
Adam
Yeah. What are you going? What size are you going? I'm going to get you into some of Mo'Nique's sexy lingerie there.
56:03🔗
Adam
I see. I see. But let me ask you a hypothetical here, Daniel. If your car broke, would you drive your lawn to work or would you just fix the goddamn car? Do you know what I'm saying?
56:17🔗
Adam
Yeah. Your vibrator broke, so you got to put a ficus up you. Just get a new car. Your car breaks, you don't drive your hedge to work.
56:29🔗
Adam
Honey, you can't drop $9.95 on your vagina. You'd rather suffer the indignity of squatting on a house plan?
56:38🔗
Adam
All right. Hold on, hold on, you screwball. We got to take a break. I'm not done with Daniel. No. I know we've talked to her for a while, but I'm infinitely intrigued by her behavior. Monique is here from The Parkers. Monday night, say 30 UPN, we'll be back with Daniel and our happy plan after this.
56:53🔗
Let's have some more fun.
57:01🔗
Loveline, we'll be right back.
57:44🔗
Adam
Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. He is Dr. Drew over there. Daryl Hammond from Saturday Night Live will be in here tomorrow night. Monique is in here tonight from The Parkers. Monday nights, 8.30 on UPN. And you can also see a nice spread on her in this week's TV guide. Apparently, it is out on the newsstands as we speak. And it's the black and white cover with Britney Spears on the cover.
58:14🔗
Adam
Skinny white bitch. But the jumbo size chocolate goddess can be found inside. And I'm sure somewhere in that article, she talks about her plus size clothing line. Of course. You get lingerie in there too?
58:35🔗
Mo’Nique
The first line is basically, you know, business, evening wear, casual, slacks, blouses.
58:46🔗
Mo’Nique
Well, yeah. You know, because basically, it was a lot of my stage clothes. You know, just traveling around the country, all the big girls were like, girl, where did you get that from? Well, it's my design. I made it. So I said when I could afford to mass produce it, I would do that. So basically, it's the stage clothes.
59:12🔗
Yeah.
59:20🔗
Mo’Nique
That's my design. And I must tell you that in that TV Guide article on the big picture, those jewels that I had on was $300,000.
59:29🔗
Mo’Nique
Yes. And they had security all around me the whole time we did that photo shoot. And I said keep them close. I didn't always tell jokes. I knew I had a show.
59:53🔗
Adam
I see that. Well, when I go to the Oscars, I'm going to have Jose of Beverly Hills do my jewelry. That's, that's my dream. Uh, all right. So, Danielle.
1:00:05🔗
Adam
All right. We're still not quite done with you. We've spoken to you for some time, but your mom sent you an Easter basket.
1:00:12🔗
Adam
Easter, for Christ's sake. Do you realize that's when Christ rose from the dead? Is that when he did that? Is that on Easter?
1:00:21🔗
Adam
Is that? Yeah. Christmas is his birthday or is that when he got nailed to the cross? That's his birthday? Wait a minute. Christ. Oh yeah. Yeah. Easter. Yeah. Christmas must be Christ's birthday and Easter is when he rose up because he rose up a few days after they put him down, right? They buried him under a rock and then he climbed out and he ascended to heaven. I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Yeah. So that's how I know. He doesn't help me, but I still have a personal relationship with him. So your mom sends you this Easter basket. You plant one of the bulbs. Then some weeks later, your vibrator goes on the fritz, and which could have been a sign from God. And so you mount the plant and the plant is phallic shaped.
1:01:23🔗
Adam
I see. And it doesn't get a little tiring, bending down in that sort of sumo wrestler?
1:01:44🔗
Adam
Yeah. The plant has crabs and her vagina has aphids. It's the first time it's ever happened in history. And you have an orgasm this way.
1:02:13🔗
Caller
Not necessarily. I mean, a couple have been, you know, ass of jerks, but, but, you know.
1:02:22🔗
Adam
Oh, thank God. And are you worried about the plant knocking you up and you giving birth to a chia, chia pad or something?
1:02:35🔗
Adam
That little, you know, lamb come out of you covered with moss. That'd be very disturbing.
1:02:53🔗
Adam
I know what it's like when you walk into a herb garden and the plant's giving you that come on look.
1:03:24🔗
Drew
I'm just trying to think of any. I guess it's usually just sort of the ground pathogens, the tetanus and the staph and those are the sort of usual bacteria, but nothing special that I can think of that would be issued from a plant.
1:03:52🔗
Adam
Yeah, start small with, let's say, a reptile or maybe an amphibious creature. Yeah. And then-
1:04:00🔗
Adam
Work your way up into a mammal. Don't do it. And then eventually a man at a certain point. Oh, for Christ's sake. I'm dumbfounded. I've never had that question. Have we, Drew?
1:05:03🔗
Caller
I'm too scared to, you know, have friends that actually did it. Then they go back to it and then, you know, I don't know.
1:05:17🔗
Drew
Yeah. Why don't you go get in the program and get a sponsor and start developing relationships that way? Otherwise, the kinds of relationships you choose are going to be built on some leftover business from your past. And the issue in recovery in a 12-step program is people who are available to you unconditionally. And choose someone who's been in the program for 10 years at least to be your sponsor and let them help you make choices about who to develop friendships with, who's likely to stay sober. There are plenty of people in the program that other people know are not likely to be with it, but you as a newcomer may not see that.
1:05:50🔗
Adam
Yeah. You guys can all chain smoke and drink three pots of coffee after the meeting and bond. Yeah. Seriously, you will make a lot of friends in those programs.
1:06:00🔗
Adam
Get involved in the program. The friend thing will take care of itself. But Jeremy, it's not different on the outside than it is in the joint. You want to make a friend, you can get a carton of cigarettes.
1:06:12🔗
Caller
All right. Not like that. I'm around the world right now. I keep on hearing a whole bunch of stuff on people are cracking on prisoners. I keep on hearing people I know crack on prisoners. I wonder if they find out that I've been in there.
1:06:36🔗
Adam
Yeah, they're all there. All right. Listen, you don't want to relapse, do you, or relapse? No. All right. Well, get in the program. All right. You'll make friends and you won't relapse.
1:07:14🔗
Caller
What's up? My question was, when I mess around with guys, the next day, I feel like physically like sick and I feel like disgusted with myself.
1:07:35🔗
Caller
I don't know. I'm just like, I don't know. I just like, I see guys and I like them. I think they're cute and everything. And I, but I wouldn't.
1:07:47🔗
Probably like three or four.
1:08:04🔗
Adam
Well, here's the part that makes me a little suspicious. Doesn't want a boyfriend. Where's Dan?
1:08:21🔗
Mo’Nique
No. Are you messing around because you think that that's what you're supposed to do? Is that like a peer pressure thing?
1:08:43🔗
There we go. That's what you wanted to hear.
1:08:45🔗
Adam
Less to do with you being on the volleyball team and more to do with your dad being an alcoholic. Right.
1:08:53🔗
Adam
All right. Well, it's the truth. Okay. Well, we're maybe not ready for it. Yeah. Well, listen, if you're disgusted by guys after you screw around with them, then don't screw around with them. Right. But I guarantee you the reason a 16-year-old girl doesn't want a boyfriend is because her dad's an a-hole. Not because she's too busy with her after-school sports.
1:09:28🔗
Drew
Yeah, but it's affecting you. It's making you have difficulty in your relationship with your peers. You're engaging in relationships in really overt sexual relations with guys you don't want to be with, and yet you don't want to be intimate, and it's not working right now.
1:09:51🔗
Drew
Well, if she's interested in helping dad, that is one of the things that can really catch the alcoholics' attention. If they know that important people in their lives are getting treatment because of their disease, it gets through to them. Then when they see you grow, they really believe, they start to feel like you're growing away from them, and it's a very genuine kind of abandonment, they feel, rather than the kind of abandonment power struggle that they would normally get into, is you stop your drinking or else I'm leaving, which keeps them intact, as opposed to, I'm growing away from you, I see you for the a-hole you are, and I'm done. That scares them.
1:10:31🔗
Adam
Drew's usually reading when he's talking, but this time he looked at me squaring the eye.
1:10:39🔗
Adam
Speaking of dance, I was out at the dinner with my dad and step mom on Sunday night, a little birthday dinner and your name came up, Drew. Yeah, I was picking you apart like a good lightweight boxer. That's good. And I was saying, well, he just sat there and drank it up. And my dad did one of those, it's always older your parents get the more embarrassing it is to go out and eat with them. You know what I'm talking about? Yes. Eventually they start crapping on themselves and stuff. But at this stage, at the stage like my dad orders a beer and then sends it back, oh, this is too strong. Jesus, and I'm thinking, give me that. I'll chug that right now, Potts. But the guy recommends a beer, like a Newcastle. It was a good beer and he gives it to my dad, it's got a nice sort of dark amber color to it. My dad takes a sip, oh, this is too strong. The guy, give me something lighter. I was like, hey, why don't you take a mug and give it back to him, you son of a bitch. So my dad takes a sip and declares he's already drunk. What a lightweight. So anyway, I was talking to him and maybe I had a beer or two. And I said, you know, I drank his and mine. And I was talking about you. And I said, you know, Drew, Drew's always he's always traveling. He's always chasing a buck around the country. You know, he gets himself he gets himself whipped up. And this is how Drew operates for people who don't know the dynamic of Drew, which is he puts himself under a lot of pressure. I got the triplets. I got a wife. I got the compound. I got the maid, no param banging. I got to I got to I got to make lots of money. I got a big nut. You know, I got to travel. I got to make money. You know, he puts him. He gets a lot of pressure. Like the example I always use with Drew is is if you were a trainer. Well, if if if you were OK, here's if you were in a boxing match and you won the first 11 rounds hands down. Yes. And you're entering the 12th round. You would talk yourself into being way behind.
1:12:54🔗
Adam
And that's good. Good strategy. Except for the part about you could get knocked out in the 12th round because you were too too ambitious.
1:13:02🔗
Adam
And what you really should have done is jab and move around and stay out of the way and get out of the round and win on point.
1:13:08🔗
Drew
And the point you're making is so we have something of educational value for the people who are listening.
1:13:14🔗
Drew
Is that it's always healthier to be real. Not to let demons chase you, but to be real, to assess things realistically.
1:13:22🔗
Adam
I told them your soul is being antagonized by demons. And like when you talk about your triplets, you go, it's going to cost me a million dollars for each one of them to get an education, and then they're going to want to go to grad school, and then one of them is going to want to be a doctor. And you know, it's going to cost millions and millions, more than we spend on the military each year. It's going to cost to put those kids through college. And then I said to my dad, hey, I told Drew, listen, my dad spent 500 bucks on me from the age of 13 till the time I moved out of the house. Look at me, I turned out fine. And there's a good bead of uncomfortable silence. You know, and my stepmom looked over at my dad, and my dad looked back at my stepmom, and my stepmom looked at me, and there's like another bead. I probably should have raised it to $750. I now realize.
1:14:14🔗
Adam
Oh, yeah. Well, it's not like he was going to argue about it. I mean, he could have piped up and said it was $595 or something.
1:14:22🔗
Adam
Oh, yeah. That he could have taken issue with. Yeah. He didn't want me to tear up that lease to his new car. Paul?
1:14:30🔗
Yeah.
1:14:32🔗
Caller
Yeah. I was in a relationship with a girl for about two months, and I found out she was three months pregnant, so I broke things off with her, but we remain friends throughout her pregnancy.
1:14:46🔗
Caller
No. It was her previous boyfriend. And so she had her kid about a month ago, and now she's talking about wanting to get back together with me, and I'm not sure if I should put myself in that position or...
1:15:08🔗
Drew
Well, if you don't want to be the child's father, then you don't want to be the mother's boyfriend.
1:15:23🔗
Drew
But, look, yeah, right. But you don't want to screw up this kid's life by being somebody that comes in and out of his life or her life.
1:15:32🔗
Caller
Well, I'm good friends with her, so I told her that I'd rather be friends with her, but...
1:15:38🔗
Drew
That's fine. For some reason, you're getting sort of lured back into this, like some sort of a trance is overcoming you.
1:15:43🔗
Adam
Let me explain why he's being lured back into this. He can't get anything else. He's having difficulty out there in the free market.
1:15:56🔗
Adam
Yeah, but listen, if you found yourself a halfway decent chick who you're halfway interested in, you wouldn't be having this problem. Now, why can't you meet another woman?
1:16:08🔗
Caller
Yeah, well, I was just with another girl while she was pregnant, and then things didn't work out with her, so I don't know, maybe I'm on a rebound or something.
1:16:28🔗
Adam
You show me somebody who's, especially guy, who's really hanging out in a situation that's not really good for him, and I'll show you a guy who's not exactly what you call in demand with the ladies.
1:16:41🔗
Drew
Well, it could be one at either end of a spectrum, right? It could be a guy with just awful self-esteem and can't tolerate putting himself out there. Or could a guy who's realistically not doing well in the market place.
1:17:01🔗
Adam
That's a UPN SIF company. That ain't a love lie. Jess? Jess? Caller goes by the name of Jess.
1:17:45🔗
Drew
Well, if you need to dry out from that, it'll take a while. A couple of weeks at least, that you'll have memory problems, trouble with abstract reasoning and concentration.
1:18:06🔗
Drew
With pot, most of that recovers rather quickly. So just don't smoke pot and that will come back. Let that scare you into hopefully stopping for all. You're not doing anything else, no acid or anything, ecstasy.
1:18:22🔗
Adam
Try not to use it. There you go. Sorry. All right. Well, listen, can you just do some pushups or something instead? I mean-
1:18:35🔗
Drew
That's great. All right. Why can't parents just keep it together for a few years? Listen to what that does. When he means things aren't going well at home, it really means parents are fighting and breaking up. Why can't parents just hold it together for a couple of years? You know what I mean? It kills the kids.
1:18:51🔗
Adam
Well, I'll tell you why. Because his parents are him when he's going to be 28 or 34 or whatever. Do you know what I mean?
1:19:09🔗
Drew
Maybe this is my own really unrealistic perception of humans, but just hold it together for a couple of years.
1:19:21🔗
Adam
That's Drew putting the pressure on again. It's the 12th round. You're way behind. You need a knockout.
1:19:27🔗
Drew
But here's the deal. Even as a physician, we deal with kids, we look at it as a parent-child complex. It's not this person. It's this person with the parents. And even adolescent medicine, you see the kid with the parents, then you see the kid, then you see the parents separately, and then you see them together again, because in the process of separating, but it's still a complex. And if one piece of that complex is disordered, it gets reflected in the other.
1:19:52🔗
Adam
All right. So listen, we got to take a break. But Jess, you need to get off the weed, get off the coke. If you got to get involved with one of the programs, you got to do it. And watch the walkers.
1:20:08🔗
Adam
Yeah. When you see Monique in those plus size fashions, all your troubles are going to melt away.
1:20:14🔗
Adam
We'll take ourselves a break. Yeah, it is Loveline. Adam Corolla is Dr. Drew over there. Monique is our guest tonight. She is one of the stars along with Countess Vaughn of The Parkers, Monday nights, 8.30 UPN. You can also find a very nice spread with a big picture of her wearing $350,000 worth of jewelry, although it's not seen in the picture. In today's or this week's TV guide with the black and white picture of Britney Spears. Yeah, right on the cover there. And also, all you plus size listeners, that is you plus size gals, guys aren't interested in the plus size fashions. It's just bigger sweatpants, bigger t-shirts. You can find yourself some of these fashions when they come out September 1st. And Mo'Nique will be putting out a catalog. It's interesting, fat guys, not too interested in hiding it, not too interested in fashion for the most part. You know what I'm saying?
1:21:53🔗
Adam
Like, I love a, there's a, I work with a couple of plus size gentlemen and they wear the same tight fitting, ill fitting t-shirts day after day.
1:22:14🔗
Adam
I see Barry. Now Barry's a guy, I wouldn't call Barry morbidly obese, but he's got a big guy. He's got some weight on him. Barry exclusively wears small t-shirts.
1:22:29🔗
Adam
Never, never, except for about three weeks ago, he shows up in a button down, long sleeve shirt and the entire office is in a tailspin. It's the buzz of the office. We can't get over it. We finally confront Barry. We're so used to seeing him in those ill-fitting t-shirts. What's up with the button down shirt? He explains it's laundry day. How ironic is that? He's wearing a decent shirt on laundry day when all his crappy, poorly fitting t-shirts are at the launders. Anyway, guys do not tend to try to work around their weight from a fashion standpoint that much. I'll tell you something. Fat guys take their shirts off at ballgames and stuff. Yeah. Know what I mean? That's what I like about guys. They're fat. They don't care.
1:23:24🔗
Mo’Nique
For big women, I'm a big woman and I'm okay with it. And I will wear a nice little bathing suit on the beach.
1:23:38🔗
Adam
Yeah, but you're black. You're smooth. Everything's smooth on you. It's just like, you know, you put on a few pounds, you got all the wrinkles out of you.
1:23:50🔗
Mo’Nique
But you know what, I think that goes for black men as well, because my husband is a big guy.
1:24:03🔗
Yeah, he is.
1:24:06🔗
Adam
Again, he's wearing one of those outfits a white guy could never get away with, which is the matching slacks and shirt. White guy can't get away with that outfit.
1:24:22🔗
Adam
Guys cannot, a white guy can't get away with linen slacks and shirt that match. Do you know what I'm saying? You could wear khaki linen pants in a blue shirt if you wanted, but you couldn't wear the same design on the shirt as you could on the pants. Again, don't take that in a bad way.
1:24:39🔗
Mo’Nique
No, not at all. I just think that Dr. Drew would look very nice in an outfit like that.
1:24:46🔗
Yeah.
1:24:49🔗
Caller
Hi. Yeah, when I get this really sick feeling in my stomach, I was wondering what could make that happen.
1:25:40🔗
Adam
You know they have that pill that alcoholics can take that if they drink booze, it'll make them sick?
1:25:49🔗
Adam
Ant abuse. What do you think about that, something like that for teenagers who whack off too much? You start feeding it to your kid.
1:26:01🔗
Adam
Yeah, you got a couple of boys, and 13th, 14th birthday, game on. Do you know what I'm saying?
1:26:18🔗
Adam
Hey, Chris, can you go to the, yeah, can you go, we may have had a breakthrough here. Can you go to the medicine cabinet and take a look at the medicine?
1:26:39🔗
Drew
I mean, people, you've never had kids. That makes sense to me. You lock your pantry? You structure the home. Yeah, some parents choose to do that.
1:26:49🔗
Adam
Really? Yeah. Well, Drew doesn't lock his, but he has a booby trap of the sawed-off shotgun, some fishing string, right?
1:27:01🔗
Adam
Yeah. Drew has his done up like one of those Vietnamese tiger traps where, yeah, big bamboo shards like it was in the movie, Pepe On. He tries it to a green tree, and it's a sharp bamboo flies out and sticks right through his kid's belly. Chris?
1:27:19🔗
Caller
Because we had some aspirin and then I got caught taking a lot of it. I'm drinking like Nikol and my friends are over.
1:27:35🔗
Drew
Well, it makes me worried that there's something going on, like maybe something, hernia, undecented testes, prostatitis, something else going on there medically, or this could be related to the medication you're taking. But, of course, I don't know what the medicine is. It starts with a P, doesn't help me.
1:27:59🔗
Adam
Yeah. It's great. Even with the horrible abdominal pain, he's still good for once a night.
1:28:05🔗
Adam
I love that. As I've said, that's what I love about men. A woman masturbated, had horrible abdominal pain, that'd be it for the year. Maybe her life.
1:28:15🔗
Adam
That'd be it. Guides like, yeah, I have stabbing pains in my abdomen once a day, like clockwork.
1:28:29🔗
Mo’Nique
You know what? We do all the time, but it's just like, he's like, no, I'm not doing that. I'm okay. I'm not, it's like, if you are, it's okay, but just let us know because when we change the sheets, I don't, you know, just let me get out.
1:28:45🔗
Mo’Nique
Because I don't want to walk in and, you know, I mean, I want to give him his privacy and his space.
1:28:58🔗
Adam
Oh, Christ. The look on that poor kid's face when that plus size mom and model comes in the room wants to talk about wagging off.
1:29:08🔗
Adam
Not going to cast any judgment on you. Just want to know how to schedule the sheet changing. So what's up with the pet?
1:29:20🔗
Mo’Nique
The biggest thing, the first conversation I had with my son that I think was very embarrassing for him, I said, have you experienced a wet dream?
1:29:35🔗
Mo’Nique
The first time. That's the right year to have it. He said, I think it was a little embarrassing to have that conversation with me, but he had one of his dad.
1:29:43🔗
Mo’Nique
He was like, Ma, no. So I said, okay. I said, but if you did, it's okay. It's totally okay. Just, you know, I want to know.
1:29:56🔗
Mo’Nique
I think that I want to know just to like to go, oh, he had a black dream, you know, like, oh, okay. Sure.
1:30:06🔗
Mo’Nique
But now that he's 14 and we have the same conversation, I still don't think he's ready to share that with me. I'm sure he's had it with his dad.
1:30:24🔗
Mo’Nique
I think he would. I think he would. But then he knows that I will go running in the room and say, you know, what happened and how do you feel and are you okay?
1:30:33🔗
Mo’Nique
Right. But my 9-year-old, I actually took him to the seamstress house with me and we were having a conversation. We turned around and he's feeling up on the dummy's breast. Just, I mean, really going for it.
1:30:50🔗
Adam
No. But you listen, you're not ready, but you know. At 9, you don't get a lot of those opportunities. I mean, you got to cash in when you can. Listen, I want you to take this in the spirit in which it's intended, but you're going to turn the kid gay if you keep working on him with the masturbation. Absolutely will turn him gay. If that's what you want, that's fine.
1:31:22🔗
Mo’Nique
I'm going to check with my housekeeper, and I'm going to say, you know what? What is going on when you just say it?
1:31:31🔗
Adam
Listen, you want to have a good time. What day? Does your housekeeper come once a week or twice a week?
1:31:45🔗
Drew
Mark, we're on your side, man. Do not turn the radio off now before more damage is done.
1:31:50🔗
Adam
All right. He's bisexual. You want to have a good time. What days a housekeeper come? What two days?
1:31:58🔗
Adam
Mondays and Thursdays. All right. I'll tell you what. So, if they come Thursday, Wednesday night, you hit little Mark's room, shut the lights, and pull the comforter off the bed and shine a black light.
1:32:13🔗
Adam
Peel it off. Use a crowbar to get the comforter off the bed. And just shut all the lights room and just shine a black light over that white sheet. It's going to look like a Rorschach test on that thing. It's going to be a mess. I guarantee it.
1:32:37🔗
Adam
He's, listen, I don't know what percentage of guys are well on their way with that by 14, but Drew, would you say 75, 80%?
1:32:50🔗
Adam
Put it this way. There's a strong chance he's doing it now. It's going to be a lock in eight months.
1:32:55🔗
Adam
A lock. And if he ain't doing it a year and a half from now, then you got another set of problems on your hands.
1:33:07🔗
Adam
He doesn't want to think of you standing over him, calling little Mark when he's doing it either. Just give him some space.
1:33:21🔗
Adam
That's what I like, keen sense of smell. I just got done whacking off to my mom. Boy, that was so out of context.
1:33:30🔗
Adam
We're going to take ourselves a little break. I'm going to take care of a little business, now come to think of it. Now, we'll be back after this.
1:34:18🔗
Adam
Monique is our guest tonight from The Parkers, her and Countess Vaughn on The Parkers. Monday night, 8.30 on UPN, and Darrell Hammond is going to be in here, the extremely talented voice artist, impressionist who does Clinton and all those other voices from Saturday Night Live will be in here tomorrow night. Monique's bubble's been burst because Drew and I have informed her that her 14-year-old is engaging in masturbation.
1:35:26🔗
Adam
Different ethnicities. There's the big top one. There's the ones with the barely legal. There's the black on white. No, I don't know. There's the ancient on white, huh?
1:35:46🔗
Mo’Nique
There's one. What is the name of it? I can't remember the name of it. But you know, there was this couple, they were married and he was really ignoring her. And so, you know.
1:36:06🔗
Adam
For Drew, it's the big top. He likes the big silicone chicks. That's his, that's his favorite.
1:36:12🔗
Mo’Nique
But some of them are funny. There's this one, I don't know if you ever heard of him. Jake Seed.
1:36:33🔗
Mo’Nique
What does he do? It's just the funniest thing ever. They're all non-professional. He's the only professional. There may be 20 women in the video. He's the only man. You know, he raps.
1:37:04🔗
Adam
All right. So, but no theme. No, you know, they have the anal stuff. That I'm talking about? No, no.
1:37:24🔗
Caller
Hi. I've been to like a lot of raves lately, and I've been taking quite a bit of ecstasy, and I'm wondering, because I can still feel it. I'm wondering when you come down from it.
1:37:52🔗
Caller
Well, no, because, I mean, I came down from it before. Like, I waited like four months and I was normal again.
1:38:07🔗
Adam
Got a couple of good boxing allegories and metaphors into tonight. Yeah. Well, that's for me. Don't worry about that.
1:38:13🔗
Drew
Pick it up. It's in Newsweek. I think it's Time. And read about ecstasy and all the damage it does. And I think you'll understand these locked in syndromes are what is associated with the brain damage and the chronic depressions and the panic and the biological consequences, particularly at your age of 15, are going to be profound.
1:38:41🔗
Adam
Listen, y'all, I did. I've done my share of drugs myself, but I'll tell you what, I never did anything before 19 years old. I mean, my brain pretty much the cement, my brain had dried by the time I started smoking the weed, and doing the coke, and dropping the acid, and what else have I done? Ecstasy, mushrooms, all that good stuff. You know what I'm saying? And it scares me that people are doing this at 14, 15 years old because you're sort of, look at your brain like wet cement. You know what I mean? If it's still wet, and it's wet before the age of 16, certainly, and you're getting around carving your initials in it with a stick, it's going to be in that sidewalk forever. And so just listen, you want to smoke some pot? Fine, just do it. Do it a little bit later. Wait till you can make a decision. Thank you. Chris?
1:39:44🔗
Caller
All right. Every time I have intercourse, and I wouldn't say every time, but pretty lately, every time I have intercourse, I keep getting blood in my semen.
1:39:58🔗
Drew
It's usually no big deal. It usually is something that you don't have to worry about. It needs to be checked out very rarely. It can be tumors and infections, but for the most part, it ends up being not anything that needs any specific treatment.
1:40:17🔗
Caller
Yeah. Really quickly, it wouldn't have anything to do with kidneys or liver, because I know my kidneys are shot, and my liver is starting to go.
1:40:32🔗
Drew
Okay. Well, definitely, excessive drinking can affect your blood's clotting, and you maybe tend to bleed from all sorts of places with the alcohol.
1:40:58🔗
Caller
They're talking about doing some surgeries. They want to go in and look at it. They say it's pretty bad. My lungs are starting to go. I've got one lung that's halfway collapsed, and then I've got an ulcer that's real bad in my stomach.
1:41:16🔗
Caller
I don't know what they really want to do because I don't really pay attention and I don't want to let it bother me.
1:41:26🔗
Caller
No, they don't think it's that. I had a couple of episodes that went on for about a week.
1:41:40🔗
Caller
Hard alcohol, bottle of tequila. I've been through treatment centers. I just got out of one. I've been in jail. I've been in prison. I've been around.
1:42:03🔗
Adam
A fifth is 750 milliliter. That ain't even half a gallon. I think a fifth is a third of a gallon.
1:42:21🔗
Adam
Listen, I don't know if you can drink a gallon of water a night without throwing up. All right. Listen, Chris, do something about your alcoholism. That's it. I don't know what else to tell you. And he's not drinking a gallon of tequila a night. I don't think you can do that. I think you'd die of alcohol poisoning if you drank a half gallon of tequila in one night. One second. Corey?
1:43:07🔗
Caller
I was working on one and I accidentally touched the wire because I thought I had to.
1:43:15🔗
Adam
No. I've been shocked that way a few times. My erection works fine. It actually makes my erection is now stronger. It has clairvoyant powers now. It can tell when a vagina is lying. All right. So, I don't know. Go to the doctor or an electrician. We got to take a break.
1:43:53🔗
Caller
The stuff expressed on Loveline is not necessarily the stuff of the staff, the management, sponsors, or anyone else, including Westwood One Entertainment. Loveline is produced by Ann Wilkins and Gold. Now, please enjoy these birds.