2:41🔗
Adam
Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-8-5-4-44-55. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. And I'll tell you, the surreal part of my job is I was sitting at home watching Titus tonight, 8.30, Monday night, Fox. And I finished watching it, I got up, I came here, and here's Chris Titus right in front of me.
3:08🔗
Christopher Titus
It's Christopher Titus. Chris Titus is something you get vaccinated for, but thanks Adam.
3:11🔗
Adam
I'm sorry. I always screw, you know, I always take the easy way out and drop a syllable or two. But we're just watching it and enjoying it, and I was talking to Christopher about how they film it on the same place as Loveline and The Man Show. So it's all one big Hollywood Center studio family we got going here. And we didn't talk about the show, but I did notice something that I didn't recognize you from, but it's one of my all-time favorite movies. Christopher was in Killer Clowns from Outer Space.
3:43🔗
Christopher Titus
Yes, I was. Thank you very much, Adam, for bringing that up. I'm not letting that die. Appreciate it.
3:54🔗
Adam
A surreal, bizarre, horror sort of killer, well, the title says it all, but it's good. I mean, you gotta get stoned and watch that movie at least once.
4:07🔗
Christopher Titus
One of my lines in the movie is, wow, check this out. Thank you very much. Had Dustin Hoffman not done that Rain Man piece of Crip, I'd be all over it.
4:15🔗
Adam
Well, I'll tell you, I liked it, and now you're really a hero to me because you're in that movie.
4:23🔗
Christopher Titus
Yeah, it was my first acting gig, and actually I drove a jeep onto this, I had this cliff in Santa Cruz. First act, I'd never done an acting thing. The director goes, all right, drive the jeep in, haul ass, spark it, throw a beer to a couple cast members, show your line, get back in the jeep. So I do that, I get out of the jeep, and the jeep rolls into a fence that looked like a real fence, but it was a prop fence on this cliff. The fence goes out about eight feet, and I hear, CUT, and two big, huge, bulky union guys run over, grab me and the girl out of the jeep, basically just throw me, pull the brakes, they lease the jeep. And so I'm wearing a big goober hat the whole rest of the day. Hey, I'm the guy that almost wrecked the jeep, I almost cost you 14 grand, how you doing?
4:59🔗
Adam
Oh yeah, I just got that. I got it from the Kyoto brothers, by the way, who are the guys who did All the Clowns. And the Kyoto brothers are three Jewish guys. And I was expecting to meet a couple of guys who just got off the boat kind of thing. And I don't know how they spell their name or what's going on, but everyone who looks forward to meeting these guys must think they're gonna meet, you know, just some, you know, like you're gonna hear big gong when they walk into the office. Titus, there we go. Who the hell did we have on from Titus last week?
5:34🔗
Jake.
5:36🔗
Oh, wow.
5:39🔗
I'll be all over him.
5:43🔗
Adam
No, I was watching him tonight. I was watching you tonight. And you guys, you do good, you work well as brothers.
5:53🔗
Adam
It works. It's believable. So how this whole thing gets started, I'm looking at it here, but why don't you tell us?
5:58🔗
Christopher Titus
I did a show called Norman Rockwell is Bleeding here at the Hudson Theatre. Actually, I did stand up for 16 years. And slowly, I almost quit stand up about 10, 12 years in. I just almost said, I said, screw this. I was growing like a tumor on my soul. I hated it.
6:10🔗
Christopher Titus
Because I was going, hey, you ever notice when you go to the store and you see something that we all notice and it's not funny, it's just noticeable?
6:17🔗
Christopher Titus
And so I was that guy, very nice, perfect. And I was going to quit. I was going to go back, work in a body shop. And a friend of mine took me aside and said, I don't even know that happy guy. Who the hell is that guy? This intense guy comes in pissed off all the time. Be that guy. And I started writing about my mom in a mental hospital and all this other stuff and made it funny. And it turned into this show, Norman Rockwell's Bleeding, which got nominated for a theater award. And then Fox came down after everybody else said that CBS was relentless. And NBC, want to hear a great story about NBC? Very nice. Going to their office, they're like, we love you, man, you're great. So we're having this development meeting. We're sitting on a table, everything's going great. And I'm going, look, I want to do classic television. Let's push the envelope, see what we can do. You know, what you're supposed to say. And this woman picks up this rock from her desk and she walks over and she slams it in front of me. And on the rock it says, risk. It's one of those rocks from the successories in the mall. So she didn't risk anything to get the rock. She didn't go through fire or climb the mountain. She just went to the mall and bought the risk rock. So they slapped this rock down in front of me and I'm like, all right, NBC's all about it. So I leave and the next day they call for tape. They watch the one man show. And you know, it's about my mom's suicide and about my dad, my dad's drinking and him getting busted for drunk driving on television. And they call back and they're like, yeah, it's a little too edgy for us.
7:28🔗
Christopher Titus
And my agent stopped me, actually was making, I painted up a safe rock and I put it in a box. And my agent said, no, no, no, no, no, I sent in the safe rock. So I thought I could talk about it now on the radio.
7:51🔗
Christopher Titus
It's like nine episodes. Yeah, let me tell the entire network to kiss my ass. I love NBC.
7:56🔗
Adam
All right. Well, I would tell them to kiss my ass if I were you. I have a peer pressure thing now, Adam. Well, I've never told NBC to kiss my ass. Have I, Drew?
8:07🔗
Adam
I think NBC may be the only one left. Speaking of NBC, well, wait a minute. What channel is PI on? ABC?
8:22🔗
Drew
Really, I mean, it's visually, it's beautiful the way they photograph the thing, but it's hard to engage in a meaningful discussion with all this party going on around.
8:35🔗
Adam
Who was on it with you? That's the beauty of Drew, everybody. You don't know one person who was on it with you, do you?
8:58🔗
Drew
It was just hard. The whole thing was... It's really... I mean, it's wonderful to watch. Seriously, it's beautiful. They have it lit and everything and the peacocks everywhere.
9:26🔗
Adam
And then basically, here's my plan. 8.30 to nine, I do PI. Then it's some light raping, very light raping and then right to the car and over to Loveline.
9:41🔗
Drew
I thought to myself, if I were flipping a channel changer around and I came across that, I'd be like, what is this?
9:52🔗
Drew
I think it was actually irritating Bill because a lot of it was spent on photographing the environment he wanted to get to the discussion.
9:59🔗
Adam
I see. Well, he's all business, that Bill, when he's not banging Asian hookers and smoking weed. He's all business. All right. Should we go to the phone?
10:12🔗
Adam
Drew is on the show tonight. I'm doing the show tomorrow and the Lord knows when that'll air, but we'll figure it out. Steven?
10:19🔗
Yeah?
10:22🔗
Caller
Hey, man. I was just saying, man, you guys kick ass, man. You are like the coolest radio show in the world. And Christopher Titus, I was watching you today on Fox, and you're hilarious, man.
11:01🔗
Christopher Titus
Don't hurt yourself. You're only 13. You got many years ahead of you. Don't break something now.
11:25🔗
Caller
All right. I like masturbate and stuff to like pornography on the computer. My parents like caught me tons of times and I don't know what to do.
11:47🔗
Adam
Yeah. You're going to have to be more discreet. I don't know what it is about. Well, here's what it is. When you're young, aha, when you're young, you're stupid. And it's not your fault. It's just you're 13. You don't know that much. Now, people who get busted over and over again when they're older are old and stupid. And I think that's it. You have to be stupid to get busted a lot because what it is is, you know what I mean? I mean, think about like the way animals act. Animal will start chewing on your favorite pillow while you're standing there. You know what I mean? That is sort of the height of stupidity. They don't have any intelligence at all. And a kid will do it when you're in the next room. And then you should get older, you wait for your folks, leave for out of town before you start chewing on the pillow.
12:33🔗
Drew
What's interesting about old Stephen here is that he has no perceived sort of shame or embarrassment. It's just, damn, tons of time.
12:55🔗
Adam
Yeah. So I drew, Drew has triplets. Drew, when your kids, those two boys of yours, and believe me, they're going to be world champion jackers. I know those two. They got a lot of energy. They got the Pinsky gene. And they're going to be going at themselves about their 13th birthday until they move out of the house. And then just be on their own time. And Drew, here's what you're going to have to do. You're going to not only have to knock on their door, but you're going to have to start narrating down the hall.
13:22🔗
Adam
I am getting up off of the sofa and moving toward my lad's room now. And you'll wear big iron diving boots.
13:44🔗
Christopher Titus
I think the weird part maybe is that his parents keep walking in on him and checking for him.
13:49🔗
Adam
Well, it's the computers. It was probably like in the family room or something. Joe? Yep. You're 16. What's up?
13:56🔗
Caller
Well, sorry about last night. I called up with the same question, but I kind of fell asleep.
14:04🔗
Adam
Yeah. Those of you who fall asleep when you're on hold for 85 minutes must snore like novelty snore. Otherwise, you're of no entertainment value to the show at all. All right. Well, what's your question, Gio?
14:17🔗
Caller
Well, unlike my upper chest, kind of my shoulders and my back, my skin, it's got like dark splotches and it's just darker than the rest of my body skin.
14:37🔗
Caller
Depends on the area, like on my back, right along the edge of my ribs. Like if you took a ruler and just put it straight down, it stops at that one point and it's like in the center of the back.
15:11🔗
Drew
I think what you're describing is something called tinea versa color, or malassecea furfur, which is a real common mild fungus that either hyper or hypo pigments the skin right in the distribution you're talking about, and it gets worse in the sun, is more noticeable in the sun. Yeah. And what you ought to do is just try using some selsun blue, a selenium shampoo, as a soap every day in the shower, and take a few months, but you see if that doesn't bring it under control. All right?
15:51🔗
Drew
Sounds too easy. If that doesn't do it in three or four months, then there's other... many other things can be done for it, but that's the easiest thing.
15:59🔗
Adam
You know, you get a little older, your skin doesn't rebound. I was... you know, I'd spent a lot of time... you know, when we all grew up, there was no sunscreen or anything. Everyone was just constantly getting baked out in the sun, nonstop. But I was in the Gay Pride Parade, like, three years ago, as sort of a goof. Well, I was dressed as one of the village people. It was a morning show thing. I remember we got in a big argument with the program director, which is, on our float, we wanted a big sign that said, Hello Gays, on it. He was like, You can't put Hello Gays on your float. And we're like, Why not? It's a Gay Pride Parade. And we're saying hello to the gays. We ended up getting Hello Gays on our float. But I was the construction worker from the village people. I was wearing a tank top. Gay Pride Parade goes down Santa Monica Boulevard. I was out in the sun for about nine hours. And I think, and I know this sounds bizarre, take it any way you want. I think the Lord intensifies the sun that day to punish the gays. It's a theory.
17:09🔗
Adam
There's gold and something going on over there, but it's not light. It's in a liquid form, Drew. And I think he intensifies his burning rays to punish the gays. That's just a thought of mine.
17:27🔗
Adam
I know, but I, being a straight guy, did not put the sunscreen on and got the wrath of God with the rest of the gays. You understand? And I still have a wife beater sort of strap mark going over each shoulder. I mean, you can see a faint outline of where it's like, God burnt that gay day right into me.
17:51🔗
Christopher Titus
I'm like five and I'm thinking, oh my God, I'm bathing in vinegar. Please God, they're marinating me. Don't let them eat me.
18:00🔗
Hello?
18:07🔗
Caller
All right. Anyways, I have a small penis and I'm afraid to get sexual. I'm afraid to get close to a female.
18:17🔗
Drew
Well, you're 15, first of all. Maybe it's not time yet for you to do that kind of thing.
18:32🔗
Drew
All right. Listen, at 15, he's got six more years of growth ahead. Plenty of time to go. Late puberty is associated with longevity. Not a bad thing. You're comparing yourself against peers that are probably more developed at this age. It's normal to feel inadequate, but it doesn't mean you're inadequate. It has nothing to do with you as a person.
18:53🔗
Adam
And if you use my new technique for measurement, it's going to work out. You measure from the center of the anus to just beyond the tip, just past the tip. Whatever that distance is for you is what you use. Yeah.
19:19🔗
Christopher Titus
I was going to say, how's your tongue, brother? Exactly what I was going to say.
19:23🔗
Adam
I'm serious. Christopher, let's have a serious discussion about oral sex here. That's all women want anyway.
19:30🔗
Adam
You're absolutely right. They would take that over intercourse any day of the week. They like some of that, like a sprinkling of that, but the oral sex is what they're really interested in. If you're a guy who has a small penis and you compensated by being excellent with the oral sex, you're in.
19:54🔗
Yes.
19:56🔗
Caller
Yeah. What's up? I just have a question. I have kind of like little red bumps around my vagina. Not exactly in it, but just around it. I was wondering if that might be some kind of STD.
20:31🔗
Caller
Well, it's kind of like in a circle almost. There's not a whole lot, maybe about 10 all together. I see. If I try to pop it, it'll come back in about a week.
20:59🔗
Drew
I'm not sure what this is. At first I thought maybe you were talking about molluscum contagiosum, which is a little, looks like a zit with a little hard top that peels off.
21:14🔗
Caller
It's kind of, it's not as raised as a pimple. It's more smooth, kind of like a smooth bump.
21:21🔗
Drew
Boy, you're going to have to see a dermatologist, Christy. I have no idea what you're describing. As usual, very, very limited success in listening to people describe their skin problems.
21:37🔗
Drew
Well, make sure, make sure a doctor looks at it before it goes away then, so he can make that determination.
21:45🔗
Christopher Titus
Wow, she sounds so perky compared to the guy with the short penis. He must be feeling a lot better right now going, hey, all I got is this.
21:54🔗
Adam
Make it six and a half inches. He'd be in a good mood too. It breaks my heart to hear a guy who's just broken at 15, though.
22:36🔗
Adam
Like a horse that makes its run just out of the gate and then just falls behind the pack. Hey, Drew?
22:44🔗
Adam
I had the misfortune of looking at an old man naked for some time on Friday. Why? Well, jeez, I don't want to give away the joke, but what the...
22:57🔗
Adam
It's a man show thing. We're doing a museum of the annoying guy and basically it's a guy who talks to you at the gym too long, you know, the old guy. And I noticed though, because I have been to the Burbank Y a few times where old guys like to talk to you wearing nothing, the penis seems to sort of, the shaft seems to go away and the head is all that seems to be left as you get a little older.
23:22🔗
Adam
Yeah, it starts to head back up. Now, if you live to, let's say, 140, would it start poking out of your ass eventually or is it just sort of consumed by your abdomen?
23:36🔗
Adam
You're saying. So, seriously, what happens to the penis when you get older? What do we have to look forward to here? You know what I mean? You get this. It's like a patch. It's like, it's if, it's like, here's what it looks like. It's all gray pubic hair. It's like if Santa put a hot dog in his mouth and then swallowed, you know, just about four or five inches. So there's just like an inch of hot dog hanging out of Santa's mouth. That's what it looks like.
24:07🔗
Christopher Titus
At 80, I'm putting on a big hose clamp and it's not moving anymore. I'm just gonna lock it down.
24:35🔗
Drew
What exactly? I'm sure it's a function of lowering testosterone levels, the penis sort of dropping down.
24:42🔗
Adam
You need like an Indian guy with a flute to get it out of there. It's like it's not coming out. I mean, how do you get it out?
24:58🔗
Christopher Titus
So if you use it, but if you use it, it won't do that. Even at that age, if you're still going, it'll keep staying out.
25:04🔗
Drew
Yeah, it'll retract a little bit. Guys' penis will change based on their success level, their leadership positions. It will change.
25:24🔗
Adam
Thank you. Yeah. Center of the anus, just beyond the tip. Hey, Drew, so if you had to put a timeline on when a man's penis was at its best, because when you're 17, 18, sure, it works great and stuff, but it doesn't have the hang. I mean, it hasn't felt the effects of gravity long enough.
25:49🔗
Adam
I think it's gravity. Then as you get older, it starts to retract as we were talking about earlier. So would you say 40 years old is when the penis is at its prime, not from a functional standpoint, from a sort of hanging out at the gym aesthetics standpoint?
26:10🔗
Adam
All right. I'm 35. I got to get to the gym and walk around naked for a while. I got to get my kicks in. All right, so this is it. This is it. Here's what you're saying. You're prime.
26:25🔗
Adam
Let's get new. Christopher Titus is here from Titus, Monday Nights, 830 on the Fabulous Fox. And we'll be right back after this. Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Christopher Titus is our guest tonight from Titus, Monday Nights, 8.30 on Fox.
27:46🔗
Adam
We're talking about the Fox, Bill the Fox Foster from the Man Show and many other beer related endeavors passing away. Bill passed away, I think it was Thursday, last Thursday. And it's sad, he was, I believe he was 63 and he'd been sick for a little while. He was the Fox who was played the piano and chugged the beer and did all that for the Man Show and we hadn't had him on this season because he's on in the episodes that are airing now because that's from last season but this season he was sick basically the whole time and we'd been keeping in contact with him visiting and whatnot but he took a turn for the worse about a week ago even though he'd been battling this cancer for probably about five or six months probably more like six or eight months and he finally passed on Thursday and I don't know I didn't say anything to you because I didn't know you knew the Fox.
28:56🔗
Adam
Down to the Fox Inn? You know the weird thing about the Fox is everyone has a Fox story or seems to know the guy or know of the guy but no one knows anyone else has a Fox story. So every time you meet somebody no one will bring it up and then somebody brings up the Fox and then someone else goes I know that dude and then some guy goes he came down to Arizona when I was in college or whatever but he was a great guy. Always had a smile on his face. He just banged away on that piano and chugged beer and basically he just put a smile on everyone's face. He played Jimmy's 30th birthday. More people vomited after that night I think. I know it doesn't sound like much of a tribute but I never had more fun at a party. It's the way to go. You're always thinking of bands or renting out some miniature golf course or something. Jimmy rented out a VFW hall or something. It held about 200 people. Put the Fox in one corner with his piano, got a keg of beer and that was it. It was like game on the entire night. Ann had it catered by Arby's.
30:12🔗
Adam
Arby's going around. I think Jimmy's mom caught me smoking weed in the parking lot. It was funny because I was 33. I was like, damn, Jimmy's mom's coming.
30:26🔗
Adam
Eat it, dude. I waved my hand around. She's like, Adam, what's going on? I smell marijuana. I'm like, oh no, Mrs. Kimmel.
30:36🔗
Adam
I wasn't doing anything. She's like, okay, all right. Well, the reason I came over here is because we're all saying something about Jimmy and I want you to start. I'm like, great, I'm baked.
30:47🔗
I'm going to stand up as a guy.
30:50🔗
Adam
This is your worst high nightmare, by the way. I'm going to stand out front of 200 people and try to say something about.
30:59🔗
Drew
And I can tell you, I know her conversation. She walked away from Adam, too. I was like, I told you that Corolla boy is such a bad influence on our Jimmy.
31:06🔗
Adam
But she is right. All right, but anyway, Bill the Fox Foster passed, and we will miss him. He was definitely one of a kind. I mean, no one else did what he did. And he even drew one out to his Fox in when you were in medical school. And that was a good time, right? Yeah. He got pretty lit over there, right? No, no. Oh, then you weren't participating then. You got to chug the beer. Come on.
31:35🔗
Drew
You just watched him do it. That was the amazing thing, just sitting and singing the songs and watching him do it.
31:39🔗
Adam
The guy would just take a 16-ounce mug and put it down faster than if you just turned it over. I think he had a sucking action.
31:47🔗
Christopher Titus
I actually thought it was like when I first saw it, when I first watched the man show, and I saw it, I was like, that's just, there's a tube. Yeah, there's a tube down his leg or something. There's no way someone can, gravity doesn't act that fast. Beer does not disappear. You can pour beer out of a glass. It doesn't go down that fast to the floor. Yes. It's an amazing cat.
32:02🔗
Adam
I know, and I've seen him chug eggnog. He did a little Christmas show. He did like 15 takes with eggnog. He was about ready to kill us after that.
32:19🔗
Adam
Hell with the father. We got juggy twins this year, so we're fine. Danny and Shani from Kentucky. I can't tell them apart. I just take a wild stab each time, and I'm always right, and they're always amazed.
32:34🔗
Whatever.
32:43🔗
Caller
I love you all so much. Anyway, I have a question about conceiving a baby. If someone were to conceive, like the father was doing cocaine, would it affect the fetus?
33:03🔗
Drew
Not in any sort of developmental way. It could, obviously, give the child a 50% chance of inheriting the genetic potential for addiction.
33:17🔗
Drew
The only two drugs that I know of are likely to cause problems as far as conception goes, is there some theories about LSD maybe breaking chromosomes and things. But basically, all that does is prevent conception if one of those sperm hits the egg. I've seen some suspicion that marijuana may increase risk of orthopedic deformities if the father smoked even within several months of conception. But again, that's not been proven. Cocaine speed all the time is nothing else.
33:43🔗
Adam
We'd be walking around and we'd be playing out of the mole people. It'd be killer clowns from outer space who, over here, every time someone smoked weed, they'd get birthed through a mongoloid.
34:06🔗
Christopher Titus
How many pull-ups could you do? Just keep going. You never get tired. You went a little test in fourth grade. They made you do it.
34:12🔗
Caller
I have one more question. I take Paxil, I take a 20-milligram, and I have 40-milligram pills that I've been breaking in half, but they don't quite break in half. And I just kind of take a smaller one and a larger one. Is that bad to do?
34:29🔗
Drew
With Paxil, that's not a great idea because Paxil is an ultra-short and acting antidepressant. So really, it's not that bad. There's a slight difference, but if there's really a big difference day-to-day, you might have some withdrawal symptoms on a small pill day.
34:46🔗
Adam
Yeah, I saw a whole report about how much money you could save by just buying higher doses and cutting it in half.
34:51🔗
Drew
Some pills, yeah. Not all pills. Be careful, guys, because some pills are complex in a certain way you can't cut them in half.
34:56🔗
Adam
I do that with Quaaludes, though. I cut it with a little Jack Daniels is what I cut it with. JD? Nice. I've never had a Quaalude. That's my dream, though. That's my goal. JD? Oh, Jack Daniels. Yeah, I don't know. I swear, maybe I was just looking at that. I don't know how my mind's working. JD, you're 18.
35:15🔗
Caller
Okay. Hi. My boyfriend is 25 and he gets mad every time. We're about to mess around when I'm not wet, and yet when he's not hard, he gets frustrated and I just encourage him.
35:36🔗
Christopher Titus
And he gets mad. Doesn't that help you just get wet when he gets mad? That's not the move right there. 25. That's why he's going after the 18-year-old. Not quite getting it.
36:23🔗
Christopher Titus
No, he's a great guy. He's a bartender. You're 18 and he's 25. Yeah, a great guy.
37:36🔗
Adam
Okay. Listen, here's the thing. You're not describing a great guy yet. You defend him constantly. The guy sounds like an a-hole to me.
37:49🔗
Adam
For a few reasons. You never stop defending him. Why don't you just admit he may be a bit of an a-hole. The question is, what's up with you that you're attracted to a-holes? Where's your dad?
38:16🔗
Caller
I have just one quick question. Another one. This weekend, my parents went to Vegas, and I stayed at my sister's house, and I had him sleep over, and their temporary roommate ratted me out and told my sister, and she told my mom.
38:43🔗
Caller
And so she told my mom, but the thing is, and that made me mad, and I told her not to, and she's throwing pot out of that house.
38:54🔗
Caller
It's a temporary roommate, and I'm thinking about telling my mom so I can have her kicked out.
38:59🔗
Adam
Hold on, I'm trying to get the, hold on a second, let me talk to Drew. Let me keep her on the line for another 30 seconds, we can lock in her coordinates, and I can call in an air strike, and we'll just clean up this whole mess. I haven't done it in a while, but I'm starting to think the only answer to some of these problems between the sister and the roommate and the out of it parents and the whacked out boyfriend is I'm just going to call in an air strike.
39:23🔗
Christopher Titus
Napalm the Neighborhood actually, because there's got to be some residual damage around, like three houses around at least.
39:33🔗
Adam
And that's just the way it works. And I can't say that it's something I'm proud of, but anytime there's a war, anytime there's a threat against this country, that's what happens. Good people die. It is a small price to pay.
39:52🔗
Adam
Drew's on board too. And I got to tell you, this was a close one. I wasn't thinking of calling in a strike, but the more I think about it.
40:04🔗
Adam
All right, well, let me just say, listen, JD, here's the deal. We don't care. No. Don't get pregnant. That's the only thing we care about. All right. And don't get even with the roommate. Just get your ass together and go off to college somewhere.
40:17🔗
Drew
Yeah, look a little more serious about the kind of choice you make in guys and why you make those choices. And it's maybe just part of the growing out process for her. I mean, some people make bad choices when they're 18, just because they're 18.
40:33🔗
Adam
Had I had a choice, there would have been bad. Yeah, I mean, thank God they saved me from myself, all those women.
40:39🔗
Adam
Unattracted to, not attracted to me. All right, we're going to take a little break. Who are we going to talk to? I saw, I see a groin thing up here, got hit in the groin.
40:49🔗
Adam
That sounds good. All right, we'll talk to Jeremy with the Swollen Nuts, Christopher Titus, our guest tonight. We'll talk to Jeremy after this.
41:27🔗
Adam
Yep, it is the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Christopher Titus is our guest tonight from Titus. Monday nights, 8.30 on Fox, and we're just having a interesting conversation off the air, though I wanted to talk to Chris about cars, but we instead got into patterns and the human condition.
41:56🔗
Christopher Titus
Yeah, well, that last call was like she was looking for problems in her life and actually looking to create them. I think we've come in like a nation of victims, everyone's bitching and whining about their lives, because you get a lot of attention when there's stuff going wrong in your life. If everything's going right, that's what you're supposed to do. So they go, yeah, great, good life, continue with that. But if you're screwing up, all of a sudden, the relatives are calling, the mom's calling, I think we've become this, it's so good, there's so much back patting and hugging and sympathy and you need this and you need that, that you create a problem. A lot of people, I've seen kids create problems that don't have any, just so they can get that attention.
42:29🔗
Adam
Well it is sort of in vogue now at least to come from a tough background or to be able to have your stories about hard knocks and growing up poor and having abusive parents or what have you.
42:46🔗
Adam
No, I'll never stop complaining about my horrible parents. But it is, it is true. And Christopher was saying that you know can't you just make a decision and can't you just pull yourself out of that or at least not make it the sort of bane of your existence. And basically my theory is this and I know you've had a less than great life growing up. But you're an intelligent guy. And my theory is I'm an intelligent guy and I had kind of a crappy childhood, but I sort of have the mental horsepower to pull myself out of the mire. If you're a little bit, you know, if you got a 40 watt bulb as opposed to a 100 watt bulb, it's hard to get yourself out of the mire. And I know that may be oversimplifying a complicated situation, but if you're a stupid guy and you're raised in this chaos, you'll stay in this chaos. And if you're smart, it will be your life for a while, but eventually your sort of intelligence will pull you out of it. You'll be attracted to other people. And you'll do things. And that's why you hear about certain people, certain, whether they be, you know, politicians or professionals or whatever they were who grew up in a sort of a squire, not squire, squalor, and pulled themselves...
44:06🔗
Adam
Pulled themselves out of that, Meier, and got themselves a life. But those people tend to be kind of intelligent. And you just can't count on the majority of society having that kind of intelligence, at least enough to pull themselves out of where they are.
44:20🔗
Christopher Titus
Yeah, but it's just our perception too. You can actually change... All the crappy things that happen to you, you can actually look at it from a different side. Now, that may be an intelligence issue, but also if you have a friend that's doing that, you can kind of point them at their show. Look at it from this way. Without my dad beating my ass and doing what he did, I wouldn't be able to deal with network executives. You know, they bring it on. They don't scare me now. I just think a lot of people just... It's... You get a lot more love when you're in pain.
44:41🔗
Adam
Well, that's true, but... And I'm with you. I don't sympathize too much for other people here, but you do have an intelligence that was able to take you from that place to this place.
44:53🔗
Drew
But if your behaviors are such that the only way you've ever known love is through these sort of negative interactions, does it make sense that there would be sort of a compulsion to continue down that path?
45:02🔗
Christopher Titus
Yeah, but like my dad, when my dad, we'd get in this horrible fight or something, he'd do something heinous, and then I'd go to bed and there'd be like some motocross race on TV. And like to make up, he'd never apologize. He'd come in like 11.30, hey, wake up. There's motocross on. Come watch motocross with me. And he would never apologize. He'd just motocross. Or Evil Knievel's jumping something. Get up and come watch Evil Knievel jumping something. Don't you? Every once in a while. Because he could have died at any moment. Damn.
45:24🔗
Adam
Yeah, I miss that. But that was at least your father's way of showing that he loved you and he was apologetic.
45:31🔗
Christopher Titus
He dumped a milkshake on my brother once. My brother fell asleep, didn't finish his McDonald's. And my dad, he dumped a milk, he's kid sleeping in his bed and the milkshake was on the bed. Blurped, dumped it on Dave. I'm like, dad.
46:04🔗
Caller
Yeah, I was motocrossing actually on Saturday. I was riding over a jump and I came down without my feet on my pegs. I got hit in the crotch pretty hard.
46:39🔗
Drew
I mean, they can fracture, they can blood supply, they can swell to the point the blood supply gets cut off. You gotta go, man. You gotta go.
46:48🔗
Christopher Titus
I cannot believe you're still on the phone, man. I just heard an empty phone hanging from the cradle right now. Drew just said that your testes could be dying on the vine. Did you hear the man?
46:59🔗
Adam
Well, I said dying on the vine, but it was just the thought. I was continuing of Drew's.
47:05🔗
Adam
I tell you what you'd hear if this was me. You'd hear the phone swinging, then you'd hear the helicopter.
47:13🔗
Adam
That's right. Then you'd hear the chainsaw cutting a hole in the roof so they could lower the basket down from the winch in the helicopter.
47:21🔗
Christopher Titus
When you say the words, double the normal size and I had a really bad stomach ache for a couple of hours.
47:28🔗
Christopher Titus
You can just casually toss them out of sight. House is burning. What should I do?
47:54🔗
Drew
How would you know that it is producing adequate sperm? Just because you produce semen doesn't mean you are producing sperm.
48:14🔗
Caller
I am a recovering alcoholic. And I got my dad, he married an alcoholic and divorced her. And I don't really have much relationship with her.
48:25🔗
Caller
She is my mom. And I got a question. He is quite the codependent. And I am wondering if in conjunction with AA, if Alanon would give me any tools to help me deal with this.
48:36🔗
Adam
All right. Hold on a second, Brett. Because we got to take another quick break, all right? Yeah.
48:41🔗
Adam
All right. Hang on and we will get to Alanon and AA and all that very exciting stuff. Christopher Titus is our guest and I will take a quick break and we will be back with Brett after this.
49:38🔗
Adam
Yeah, it is Loveline of Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Christopher Titus is our guest tonight. He is from Titus, Monday Nights, 8.30 on Fox, and Eve Six will be in here on Wednesday. That's right. Eve Plum will be in here on Thursday, and then that's it. Just Eve Six. Thank you.
50:25🔗
Drew
And what do you want to do with your dad? You want to go to Al-Anon to understand how to deal with your dad?
50:31🔗
Caller
That's what I'm wondering if Al-Anon will give me the tools to... Well, he's got these... He's got behaviors that are almost like people that just come into AA.
50:45🔗
Caller
Yeah. Well, he's like a dry drunk, but he doesn't ever drink. I mean, he never has. He's never had a problem with it.
50:53🔗
Drew
Well, it wouldn't hurt to go to Al-Anon, certainly. Work the program there and sort of get you sort of disengaged from him a little bit, perhaps.
51:03🔗
Caller
Well, what he does, he seems to forget that like a year ago I was like lying in the gutter, like dying, and he doesn't seem to see the steps that I've made and the length that I'm willing to go to do whatever it takes to maintain my sobriety.
51:20🔗
Adam
Okay. What does that have to do with you and him, though? I mean, what is he doing? Yeah. He's not acknowledging you?
51:32🔗
Caller
Well, he'll bother me day in and day out about the tiniest little details of my life, and I just want to like grab him and go, you know what, it's none of your business.
51:43🔗
Caller
Well, nothing. I mean, I just want to know if like, if Al-Nan would give me the tools to help me overcome my like fear of him.
51:52🔗
Christopher Titus
Well, your fear of him is, I don't know, it just seems like this is about you. It seems like dad's not giving you enough. Good job, Attaboys. That's what it kind of seems like. It doesn't seem like he's really doing anything wrong. It just seems like you're not getting enough acknowledgement. Is that it?
52:18🔗
Caller
Well, yeah. I mean, I just kind of want to have a better relationship with him than I do right now.
52:23🔗
Adam
Well, you got to get out of there. I mean, listen, you're 19. Believe me, that'll solve everything.
52:29🔗
Christopher Titus
Or tell him. I think a lot of people, the communication, most problems can be traced back to communication. If you just walk up to him and go, hey, I want a really good relationship with you, you're going to freak him out, number one. He's going to get that really dead, hey, he's going to do that. But just keep saying it to him.
52:48🔗
Adam
Hey, and with today's technology, you never have to talk to your parents again. I mean, with not only caller ID, but I was talking to someone the other day, has a certain ring for her mom. Okay, knows when mom is calling. You know what I mean? It's diabolical, but it's smart. You got a pain in the ass for a parent, you hear that certain ring, it's like, hey, I'm heading for the phone.
53:15🔗
Adam
It's not that you aren't going to talk to your parents, it's just they don't, you'll talk to them on your terms. You'll call them when you want to call them.
53:22🔗
Christopher Titus
Or the phone rings and you can steal yourself. You don't pick it up real innocent. Hey, how you doing? All the fence is down. You pick it up, you track the meme up, you put the shields up, then you pick the phone up.
53:30🔗
Adam
Right. My mom loves me. She called me today at the office and it was like, I'm the world's worst son. She's like, hi, Adam. You have a minute? No. What a prick. You're being straight. Well, as I said, I don't have a minute. I have, because my mom's minute is a couple of Fortnights. I said, I have a few seconds. So you want to talk about scheduling or going out to lunch or doing something like that. But the point is, let's just get to it because I'm in the middle of something here. They're all right. They can handle it.
54:04🔗
Drew
Yeah. But Brett has to realize that this fantasy that he needs from his dad, it may just be fantasy. It may not be about the real person that his dad is. And in fact, talking to his dad about it, some people are narcissistically oriented, can't tolerate that. Having a child who is separate scares the hell out of them. And they just freak out and start to get very sort of defensive. And Brett gets in a position where he's starting to have to control them and assuage him and things. And that's just who he is. And you may just be stuck with that. It may never be what you idealize, what you feel you need. You may have to go back to your sponsor and people in the program to get what you need from other people.
54:41🔗
Christopher Titus
And try to love who he is and who he isn't, man. You know, the bottom line is your parents gave you life. You kind of owe them that. You know, no matter what they do to you. They gave you life. I believe that. Adam let it go.
54:54🔗
Christopher Titus
I didn't say that. You just shouldn't be ripping into him if he's doing what he does.
54:57🔗
Adam
I think my dad had that same thing where he was overly connected with me, Drew. Yeah, I remember it very well. I was 18 and a half. Your stepmom wants you to move out of the house. He couldn't take it. I think his love was too strong. He felt he was clinging with too many hands. So I think he probably had a little nip of courage and came up to me and told me this stepmom wanted me out of the house.
55:20🔗
Christopher Titus
He's going to burst with joy for you. He had to get you out before he burst.
55:25🔗
Yes.
55:28🔗
Caller
My boyfriend, he's very abusive towards me. It's not that I don't want to leave him, it's that I'm scared to leave him.
55:38🔗
Caller
Well, he says that if I leave him, he's going to kill himself or he's making threats if I leave him.
55:45🔗
Caller
That he's going to kill himself or he's going to kill me, or he's going to hurt somebody or something.
56:08🔗
Caller
Because I'm growing apart because we've been friends for a long time and things are changing between us.
56:15🔗
Caller
I tell him things have got to change or else I'm going to leave. I can't take it anymore. I can't put up with it. If you leave me, he says, if you leave me, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that.
56:42🔗
Adam
Really? Wow. How did your antenna get bent so badly that you got hooked up with this guy?
57:05🔗
Christopher Titus
He's already killing you. Threatening to kill you or kill himself. It's pretty rough.
57:49🔗
Adam
Hold on a second. See, this is what I'm getting to. My parents are perfect. Everything's great. I'm moving out.
57:59🔗
Adam
I can't handle them anymore. Nineteen years is enough. It's like, all right, well, can you talk to them about this boyfriend that's threatening your life?
58:12🔗
Adam
Yeah. That ain't... Hey, Angela? Seriously, what's up? I mean, I'm not saying your parents are abusing you or anything like that, but the relationship maybe isn't the way you portrayed it.
58:30🔗
Caller
Um, I don't like the way he is. He was a different person when we first started leaving.
58:42🔗
Christopher Titus
There's certain events that have happened that make you want to move out. What are they?
58:46🔗
Caller
Because I'm the only child, and so they're very protective of me at some point over certain things.
59:02🔗
Christopher Titus
Maybe like protect you from this guy who wants to kill you? Those bastards.
59:05🔗
Caller
It's not necessarily that. It's the fact that my dad is very, very protective, and you have to know my dad.
59:27🔗
Caller
Well, like, at work. He's a musician. He's blown up a couple times here at the house, but I mean, he doesn't hit anybody or any, you know.
59:45🔗
Drew
Angela, do you see that seeing an aggressive, violent person in your dad may be what triggers you to go look for that kind of person in a partner?
59:55🔗
Adam
Well, we know, because that's the first question we ask, is why is this familiar? Why did you get hooked up with this guy? It's not like your dad's as bad as this guy, but your dad is a little bit explosive.
1:00:07🔗
Drew
It's not normal for there to be this sort of violence from a father in front of his daughter.
1:00:31🔗
Adam
I'm ready to take a guess. I'm ready to take a stab. I think I got narrowed down now between Iron Butterfly and Jules and the Baja Marimba Band. What kind of music?
1:01:02🔗
Adam
If we had another 20 minutes, we get to the fact that he killed a hooker in front of her.
1:01:10🔗
Adam
All right. Listen, it's no wonder you got hooked up with this guy. You got some issues with Pops. Right now, here's what you need to do.
1:01:22🔗
Adam
You need to break up with this guy. I would stay at home until I was done breaking up with this guy.
1:01:28🔗
Adam
I would explain to him what a maniac my father is, and how he's basically got his gun loaded and is pacing by the front door. He also sharpened his drumsticks, and he's like a ninja with those things.
1:01:43🔗
Adam
And if you hear one thing, you just tell this guy, if you hear one thing about anything, you're calling the cops immediately. You've got to lay down the law with this guy, right? Okay.
1:01:53🔗
All right.
1:01:57🔗
Christopher Titus
But do you see that, does she see the connection, though? We're sitting here and people will actually just expound exactly why they're with this guy and about her father. And do people, I kind of want to stop and go, do you see the connection, the parallels? I didn't hear like-
1:02:09🔗
Christopher Titus
But she didn't, no. You can be right in the middle of it and not see it. She needs that insight to see, oh my god, this is my father, except he touches me.
1:02:17🔗
Drew
But this is the point of the show, is to help people sort of step back and look at that and they make better choices, which is what, I mean, they're sort of automatically set into this pattern of behavior that if they don't see it, can't step back and be objective and then make choice.
1:02:39🔗
Caller
I got a pregnant ex-girlfriend and she's going through those hormonal problems. She gave me the boob out three or four times. She's what?
1:02:50🔗
Caller
The boot, she gave me the kick. It's like back and forth, back and forth, off and on and I don't know what to do.
1:03:07🔗
Drew
Women, particularly with multiple parents, women can feel very vulnerable, helpless, and unpredictable. Well, no, in need.
1:03:18🔗
Adam
This is your ultimate nightmare. You got a 17-year-old named Brad, his daddy to your twins and who has no tools to deal with this whatsoever, who's actually pissed off at you because you're going through your hormonal swing. You know, I mean, this is why 17-year-olds make bad parents, right? Are you planning on staying with this girl, Brad?
1:03:44🔗
Caller
Well, I don't know. She told me herself she doesn't love me at all. I mean, it was just, I don't know, it was just a thing, I guess.
1:03:55🔗
Caller
No, she's having them. No one's taking them away from her. Why? It's for good, you know. Why? They're hers. Yeah.
1:04:01🔗
Christopher Titus
See, Brad, it sounds like the test, you're in the test area right now. She's kicking you and giving you the quote, boot is a test thing. You got to hang around, you got to love her. She's going through a lot of changes right now, man. You got to hang.
1:04:13🔗
Caller
I try and hang in there and it's like you get nothing. It's nothing. It's like, you know, give up. You know, I don't want you. And so mainly she, I'm like the piggy bank now. She's wondering if I have the money, if I'm going to get the money, if I'm going to support the kids and everything.
1:04:31🔗
Caller
Well, I just moved to Sacramento, so I was looking for a job. I got an interview Wednesday. I'm going to be doing a night shift, making 10, 14 bucks an hour.
1:04:41🔗
Oh, man.
1:04:50🔗
Adam
You just, I mean, I mean, it's amazing. It's amazing what, you know, the thing that's interesting about life, how, and I know this sounds horribly cliche, but we've all had unprotected sex. We've all driven without our seat belts on, you know, we've all been in situations that, you know, could potentially have changed our life in a heartbeat and didn't. Thankfully, most of us.
1:05:21🔗
Adam
But could have easily happened to any of us when we were 17 and with some chick and stupid and with a few beers in us or whatever.
1:05:28🔗
Adam
Could have been dead, could have bought it in a car accident a thousand times at 16, 17, racing some guy in the back seat of a two-seater sitting in the well going down Mulholland Drive.
1:05:41🔗
Christopher Titus
Falling into a bonfire when I was 17 years old. Hell yes, at the beach party.
1:05:44🔗
Adam
Yeah, I mean, just, just what? I heard that tonight on the show. The point is, is thank god it doesn't happen to most of us. But I mean, this guy is banging around with some chick he's half interested in. Probably has a few beers under his belt. Doesn't put the condom on. Pow, he has twins now. He won't be 18 before these twins are going to come out. He's going to be 17 and three quarters. And talk about a profound life change. I mean, think about where you're at at 17. I still thought I was going to be an astronaut when I was 17. Possibly, and I'd just let go of the pirate dream. I thought I was going to be a pirate for a while. Then somebody pulled me aside and told me it wasn't an actual gig. I thought it was a gig, you know. I didn't know what they made now. I don't know if there's a union, but I can't imagine having twins. And then imagine this guy, when he gets to be our age, he's going to have a couple of 19-year-olds, or 17-year-olds, or whatever.
1:06:41🔗
Christopher Titus
Or 17-year-olds with twins. But then, you know, he's going to have some insight to that little situation.
1:06:47🔗
Adam
Now you're getting the show, Christopher. All right, well, what are you going to do? Get that $14 an hour gig, and you just, hey, when you're pregnant with twins, mama's queen, whatever she says.
1:06:58🔗
Adam
And if she wants ice cream, you get her ice cream. Oh, here's what I'd like to hear. Oh, I can talk to you, Christopher. I want more, there's certain things I think are missing from television.
1:07:28🔗
Adam
How high were Sid and Marty Croft when they were putting out all that Lidsville and the Hoodoo Guru and-
1:07:36🔗
Adam
Those guys must have been just flying on mushrooms. It's sort of a combination of mushrooms, weed, probably a little hash, some speed and some acid to come up with that garbage. Because it is bizarre. When you look at it now as an adult, it just looks like a Jimi Hendrix record cover. I mean, it's just a mess.
1:07:59🔗
Adam
They must have just been doing much. It's like they must have moved a pile of coke to one side of the table so they could look at the Bible on the thing. All right. Are we going to take a break?
1:08:12🔗
Christopher Titus
Yeah. We're going to leave the guy hanging. We're done. We're done with the kids. Haven't you heard of the twins?
1:08:17🔗
Adam
Well, listen, you got to do whatever you got to do for her. She's pregnant with twins.
1:08:23🔗
Adam
All right. We'll talk to James when we come back. He's a 15-girlfriend. I bit him during Earl Sex. Now he has bruises. Will it be okay? We'll tell him after this.
1:09:15🔗
Adam
Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew over there, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, and Christopher Titus is our guest tonight. He is from Titus. Monday Nights, 8.30 on Fox. Story about, well, let's say sitcom, mainly about, well, not mainly, solely about your life.
1:09:40🔗
Christopher Titus
Mom in and out of mental institutions when I was a little kid, you know, I'd actually go, like, visit her, which is pretty fun. She had crayons, I had crayons. It was a lot of fun.
1:09:54🔗
Christopher Titus
I think dad, you know, dad, when dad's going through getting married, like every, you know, three, three, four months or three years, he's getting married or a new woman's moving in, he was just always really like, just keep it funny. And around a little kid, he was a single father. He went to court for it. He kidnapped me from Detroit. The man flew out, my mom was actually, my dad was selling child support to my mom. And my mom was actually going, you know, the checks going back cashed by the Green Guinea, you know, Tavern. What the hell is this? So what happened was my dad goes, where's my kid? And mom says, you're never going to see that kid again. Well, she had sent me to live with my great-grandparents and basically told him, you know, Ken's not sending any child support, but dad would never miss a child support payment. So he found out that I was in Detroit and got on a plane like instantly went to go get me. And he's on this plane next to, he's telling this guy, he's like, yeah, mom, I'm going to go kidnap my kid, man.
1:10:37🔗
Christopher Titus
And the guy goes, well, that's an interesting story. He goes, I'm the Detroit Metro District Attorney. And my dad just, you know, soiled himself right there in the airplane seat. And then the guy was going through a bit of divorce and he goes, here's how you take the kid. Oh my God. And he basically laid it out for my dad how to extradite me from Detroit and they couldn't bring me back. And so he did it, man. He did it.
1:10:56🔗
Adam
And as effed up as your dad may have been, that is a kind of, that's a love right there.
1:11:08🔗
Adam
Shot you with a BB gun. And maybe he just brought you back so he could torture you. But I mean, that is the kind of thing, I don't know, Drew, would your dad have done that? You know what a ticket to Detroit cost?
1:11:20🔗
Adam
Drew's dad is so cheap. Yeah, if Drew told the story, he'd be like, my dad took a bus to Detroit.
1:11:31🔗
Adam
He hitchhiked. Jesus Christ. I saw that cannonball whatever part, number five. Yeah, the other night, just watching a drunken Dean Martin kind of stumble his way through what it's like when you get older and you start realizing the story behind some of these guys and where they were at that particular point in their life and you figure Dean Martin, cannonball five, he's 63 years old, he's been drinking hard, and he's on divorce number whatever, whatever, whatever, and then you just watch him look at his eyes while he's doing his life. He's wearing a father's, he's wearing a priest's froth. Oh, this is the one with Sammy Davis Jr. Right, and I'm watching him and I'm watching Sammy and I'm watching him doing the things that I'm thinking to myself, what's going through their head right now? Because it ain't this script.
1:12:17🔗
Adam
We're getting a bunch of money, we're both loaded, we didn't have to memorize our lines, we're just kind of making it up.
1:12:25🔗
Adam
I'm sorry. We need some sort of, pardon the pun, vehicle for big celebrities who are well past their prime, which I don't think we have today, a series of movies. You know what I mean? Where we could take who would be the equivalent of Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr. and Burt Reynolds, and guys of that ilk 15 years ago for today though. Who are today's, you know, Sammy's? Who are these guys from today?
1:12:58🔗
Adam
He's not drinking enough. Ritter's not boozing enough either. And we're not big enough stars.
1:13:07🔗
Adam
Yeah, but sitcom, see, Sheen needs another ten bad years, and then he can resurrect his career with these things.
1:13:15🔗
Christopher Titus
We did a photo shoot with Charlie Sheen on his, he has a hanger full of cars. We did for the magazine I write for.
1:13:22🔗
Christopher Titus
Yeah, I know, good guys ride in custom. They do some fence and stuff. And I write, I run a humor column for him. And we did a thing, and man, this was like two weeks before his dad turned him in. And you know, Charlie, if you have to listen, he looked like a vampire. He showed up to this, all these Hot Rod guys were all wearing Hot Rod T-shirts, and he showed up in blue satin pajamas and a fedora. And I felt bad for the cat because you can just tell he was just, he was just, he was really thin. And just, I mean, it was, it was cool. He was the nicest guy and funny. I go, you know, we're going to do the cover of the magazine. We like to kind of make fun of you, all your tabloid exploits. And he looks at me and he goes, what tabloid exploits? And all of a sudden, just the icy fear in my stomach that his big bodyguard's going to kill me now for bringing it up. And he burst out laughing. So he really had a great sense of humor, a good guy through all the drugs and whatever. He's really like a decent cat.
1:14:09🔗
Christopher Titus
You know what I mean? He's got stuff that he didn't, like there's this, there's this 67 Shelby Mustang. That's actually one of the first 150 built that Carroll Shelby signed in the trunk.
1:14:24🔗
Adam
Oh Mustang. I was thinking of Cobra when he said Shelby. All right. I didn't... I'm back on the same page. Chris? Yes. You're 23. What's up?
1:14:34🔗
Caller
Oh, I just want to start out by praising you guys. I just want to say all three of you are incredibly intelligent and funny.
1:14:47🔗
Caller
Sure. Basically, my problem is I have an incredibly bad temper and occasionally it leads to associating violent tendencies like I want to commit things to myself or I want to hurt other people basically.
1:15:03🔗
Adam
Who were we going to talk to here, Drew? Weren't we going to talk to somebody else? That was it? Really? I'm high.
1:15:20🔗
Caller
Well, I've never actually, thank God I haven't hurt anybody else as of yet. I have more than a few scars on myself that I've cut.
1:15:35🔗
Caller
No, I've contemplated it, but I've never had the financial resources in order to do so.
1:15:40🔗
Adam
Yeah, but these days you can talk to people. Don't they have anger management and violent classes and all that kind of stuff, don't they?
1:15:49🔗
Drew
Anger management is one way to go, but it sounds like he manages his anger for the most part, right?
1:15:58🔗
Caller
I feel like I've been better in control of it, yeah. I've done that before in order to keep myself from getting too incredibly angry. Lately, I've been basically writing in the journal. I feel these feelings coming on and I disassociate myself with any other people around too.
1:16:17🔗
Caller
Yeah. A lot of emotional abuse. I witnessed and experienced a lot of physical abuse as a child.
1:16:26🔗
Drew
Well, there it is. There's theories that certain parts of the brain actually get burned out in the course of those traumas. They just don't exist anymore. The parts of the brain that usually would contain aggression is like the button has been pushed too many times. It just no longer there. So aggression just now breaks through.
1:16:44🔗
Drew
Well, if it's that kind of thing other than behavioral management, which you're trying in psychotherapy, which you don't think you can afford.
1:17:00🔗
Drew
Medications, when I was getting to, is the other thing that helps to pull it on some of these things.
1:17:04🔗
Caller
I'm not a big believer in medication as it is. I believe in more of the power of the mind to, all right, well good, then knock it off.
1:17:13🔗
Christopher Titus
Right. Put this stuff behind you, that the abuse part, and put it behind you. My niece, Amy, moved in with us. She's 16, she moved in with us, and she came goth kid, man. She was just death kid. And she moved in with us, and we started talking to her. It's amazing how much, just a little bit of support will help a kid. And she just blossomed. And we found out about six months since she'd been molested by one of her dad's friends. And we talked about it and talked about it. And basically she decided to make a choice and put it behind her. And now when it comes up and see you, because you really can't, the stuff of your life, you keep putting your past in front of you all the time. Now she recognizes it and notice that that's why she's reacting to whatever she's reacting to when she stops.
1:17:58🔗
Christopher Titus
She's not goth anymore, man. Good. She's a full out skate kid. We got a half pipe in the backyard that I built.
1:18:22🔗
Christopher Titus
Right. Well, you have to cut the radius. What are we talking about? Let's just move on.
1:18:27🔗
Adam
Well, you got to cut the radius when you're framing the thing. But I'm actually talking about putting the ply down for the surface.
1:18:45🔗
Adam
Take your blade on your circular saw and score the back. You know what I mean? Not full depth. Oh, for Anderson, I'll throw this goddamn mic through that effing window. What did he do? Shut my mic off.
1:19:06🔗
I was having sex with my girlfriend last night.
1:19:12🔗
And all right. We were just having sex. You know, we have a lot of sex, you know, pretty much every day. And I just got like this, like probably 20 minutes into it or whatever, 15 minutes. I got this sharp, sharp pain in my growing and like right above my penis to my stomach. And it felt like, I mean, I never had a hernia before, but it felt like I've heard about them. And it felt pretty as intense as that. And that's what I thought happened. But like my testicles didn't swell up. And I just have a little bit of pain in my stomach right there.
1:19:46🔗
That hernia is hurt. I know a lot of people that have had them.
1:19:50🔗
So you don't feel hernia is basically what you're saying when you have them.
1:20:03🔗
So what could that have been, Dr. Drew?
1:20:08🔗
Oh, you're going to worry me out and tell me something real serious, right?
1:20:11🔗
Drew
Well, no. I don't think it sounds like something serious. But sometimes it's a muscular spasm in that area. Sometimes inflammation.
1:20:17🔗
Like maybe I pulled a muscle or something?
1:20:25🔗
Excuse me?
1:20:28🔗
I don't know. Well, I just thought like my first reaction is when I felt anything was that like, you know, it was my testicle.
1:20:35🔗
If you get a little crazy, like they can pull, as you have an orgasm, they can pull up into your stomach.
1:20:40🔗
Correct?
1:20:41🔗
So that and that's what I've always been worried about what might happen. So when this was happening, I kind of checked that first. And they were, you know, both there.
1:20:48🔗
Drew
It might have been a little torsion. Sometimes they twist on themselves and the blood supply gets cut off a little bit.
1:20:52🔗
Adam
And plus, if you get it cranked up, those things are like fuzzy dice on a convertible, you know, hanging from the rear view when you're going like 80 and they're all over the place. I mean, if you really get it cranked up, they can go all over the place.
1:21:13🔗
Adam
Yeah. And here's, you know, we haven't talked about this in a while, but stones in the bladder, stones in the prostate. No. Here's what I'm thinking. When you're having sex, you do things that you normally would have stopped a long time ago because it would have been too painful. Like any even women who sometimes have a lower threshold for pain. I remember it dawned on me 10 years ago. I was talking to a girl named, her name is Vanessa. I won't say her last name, but I swear to God both her knees were down to the knee cap basically. It looked like she'd fallen off a skateboard that had been dragged behind a car. She's usually a pussy. I said, Jesus, Vanessa, what happened to your knees? She's like, great sex. I was thinking, what? Yeah, I was down in a doggy position. I was down on a carpet. I just rubbed both the skin off my knees. I thought, if you had been doing anything else other than getting nailed, you would have stopped, keeled over, and screamed in agony a long time before it got down to the actual cap part. You know what I mean? If you were exercising, if you were cleaning, if you were down on your knees doing something else and the skin started coming off, it immediately would have stopped. But when you're getting it on, it's like there's some adrenaline surge and there's some sort of novocaine that's released into your system and you don't feel things you normally would have felt and therefore you don't stop. And then the injuries come in. That's why I limit myself to a minute and a half, two minutes tops. I got to take care of myself. But I think this may have happened to this guy. Maybe this guy was banging away vigorously and just sort of pulled something. All right. Shane?
1:22:56🔗
Adam
Thank you. Caller, who goes by the name of Shane. Oh, hey. There you are. There you go.
1:23:05🔗
Caller
Just probably a week ago, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and she was actually mid-menstruation. And she was bleeding while we were having sex. And I got it afterwards. I looked, it was probably up to my chest and down to like my knee area. And yikes.
1:23:23🔗
Adam
Let me close my eyes. Good. You added 20 minutes to the session tonight. Thank you. Okay. So you're covered with blood.
1:23:32🔗
Caller
Anyway, in the morning and stuff, I just fell asleep afterwards. And I've got a rash. And I was just, I mean, it's just a rash, but I mean, should I see a doctor?
1:23:43🔗
Adam
I mean, so you fell asleep with that sort of, it was like some animal was ritualistically slaughtered on your belly and you just fell asleep.
1:24:17🔗
Adam
Well, I don't. I have trouble sleeping. And I don't want to wake up with the, you know, comforter spot welded to me. I don't want to have to go into the shower with the comforter to get it off.
1:24:27🔗
Christopher Titus
What if there's a fire and you got to come out of bed? You're going to rip part of your skin off.
1:24:39🔗
Drew
It's probably just some sort of irritation. There's nothing infectious that you're typically going to get that way that would cause rash.
1:25:00🔗
Adam
It is. I had that conversation with somebody and I said it wasn't. I didn't know. Now, what is a venereal? How do you classify something as a venereal disease then?
1:25:14🔗
Adam
Right. So there are certain diseases that you don't necessarily think of as sexual diseases that are technically venereal diseases because you can-
1:25:36🔗
Adam
Okay. But I don't know what point you're making but it's a lame one. What I'm saying is, is a cold of a venereal disease?
1:25:46🔗
Thank you very much.
1:25:48🔗
Drew
It would be what we call the classical sexually transmitted disease because it's transmitted so many other ways.
1:26:00🔗
Adam
Tuberculosis could be translated that way? That's not a venereal disease. It's not because of sexual transmission. Oh, you go back and read a book. You don't know anything. Sally?
1:26:11🔗
Adam
Which is you can get many different diseases that aren't technically venereal diseases through-
1:26:22🔗
Christopher Titus
But so basically, Adam, any communicable disease with somebody can be passed, it would be a venereal disease.
1:26:31🔗
Drew
But not its primary mode of transmission is not sexual contact. Well, hepatitis B and C, a primary mode is sexual contact.
1:26:57🔗
Yes.
1:26:59🔗
Caller
Well, I have a question. I have a boyfriend that would like for me to form anal sex with him, strap on a dildo. He's a straight guy.
1:27:12🔗
Caller
I wanted, is this common for men to want to have their prostate to be pleasured at 40 years old?
1:27:21🔗
Adam
Your prostate should be sore at 40. Hold on a second there, Sally. We're going to take a break. Hold on, show hands. Who's had their prostate stimulated via a strap on dildo in this room? Everyone's hand went up.
1:27:38🔗
Adam
Hold on there, Sally. We'll get to this. Shoot me in the ass and then bang me in the ass. Oh, please. Since everything I say comes back to haunt me. All right, we'll take a little break. We're Christopher Tynes, our guest tonight. When we come back, we'll get to the Strap-On situation after this. Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. I'm Dr. Drew over there. Christopher Titus is our guest of night from Titus.
1:28:35🔗
Christopher Titus
Crank it up to funny. 15 minutes left. Now I'm gonna go home stretch, baby.
1:28:41🔗
Adam
Drew and I started entering rim, usually, about this point of the show. We start winding it down. That's why Drew is asleep. Now, Drew, and don't lie, are you asleep by 12.35 at night? 12.38. And you live a good 25, 22 minutes from here. And the point is, you're in your car after midnight, so you're not home before 12.25.
1:29:13🔗
Adam
And then you're asleep at 12.38. Now, here's what I want to say to you, and I know you gotta get up early in the morning, and this is all your schedule and all that kind of stuff, but don't you need that time, you know, that u-time? I mean, the most precious part of the day for me is when I come home from this thing after a hectic day, and I sit down and I just slip my hand down my pants, and I turn on the TV and chips is on, and I pour myself a beer, and I just sit there for like an hour doing nothing.
1:29:47🔗
Christopher Titus
That's a bad picture. Larry Wilcox on the TV and you with your hand in your pants. That's just a weird picture. You scared me.
1:30:01🔗
Adam
Yeah. The 70s had it down for TV shows because whether it was, you know, Magnum PI had Binser, who was, no sorry, not Magnum PI., Vegas had Binser, which was Dan Tanna's like sidekick. And on Chips, they had Grossman, who was kind of the slob Jew guy who was on there. And it was like, here was the strategy. It was, here's what we need to make our two stars look better, is a really out of shape Jew in ill fitting clothing to stand next to them.
1:30:41🔗
Adam
If you look at that, if you watch Chips, you'll see that Punch's shirt was like tailored. It was like sucked in in the back. It was starched. It was pressed. It was pulled. I mean, it was like body contouring. And then Grossman comes pulling in. He's like wearing a beige poncho and his guts hanging out all over the place.
1:30:57🔗
Christopher Titus
But then maybe he had a serious episode. He had a special episode of Chips where he actually had a family or something. And then they had to get that other guy that worked on the bike so they'd punch like a wipe a booger on him every episode. It was horrible. That one little...
1:31:11🔗
Christopher Titus
He punched him like, knock it off, you guys. He said that a lot, knock it off, you guys.
1:31:28🔗
Adam
He wants you to don the dong, as my dad used to say. He's never, you've never done this with him?
1:32:02🔗
Adam
You understand it's not a clown nose. I mean, you strap it on to your groin, right? You're talking about a rim job.
1:32:29🔗
Caller
Well, I don't have a problem doing it, honestly, but I just have a concern on where he's coming at. And why is it that he would need this additional part to fulfill himself? I think that it's different.
1:32:48🔗
Adam
Here's a safety tip. Before you come at him from the rear end, flip his skirt up so it doesn't get caught up in his, wrapped up, okay?
1:33:01🔗
Adam
I don't know, but Sally, things don't exist in a vacuum. They really don't. It's easy to sit around and go, hey, this guy works. He pays his taxes. He's a loving father, whatever, boyfriend, husband. He just happens to like this, but I don't trust that at all.
1:33:32🔗
Christopher Titus
Well, this conversation, maybe he was getting it out a little too early at times.
1:33:43🔗
Caller
It's very new and it's something that I think is a very intimate thing, if that's something I'm willing to do at such an early stage and it's bizarre. My therapist is not specializing in sexual behavior.
1:34:03🔗
Adam
You should then tip her. I know that may be something you don't normally do, but when a guy really does a great job detailing a car, simply slipping a 20, could you just, when you bring up the strap on with the therapist, that has to be the worst goddamn 50 minutes of her life. Just drop her 20.
1:34:27🔗
Caller
So I thought I'd ask the doctor since he specializes in behavioral, sexual behavior.
1:34:36🔗
Drew
Not necessarily. As you said, it's not something that exists in a vacuum, but it's part of his personality, maybe a stuck point in his development, and it may not mean anything in the global sense, but it means something.
1:35:00🔗
Christopher Titus
If your instinct creeps you out, it creeps me out here in a little bit, and whatever, hey, good luck to you. But I got to say-
1:35:09🔗
Christopher Titus
Yeah. Years of growing and being cavemen and in the primal thing, and when that little thing clicks and goes creep me out, I listen to it.
1:35:16🔗
Adam
Yeah. I think we all should. Talk to your therapist and just talk to him. Hey, why don't you say, hey, I like you, but I got to admit, this is kind of creep me out, and why don't you tell me and explain to me why I shouldn't be creeped out? There you go.
1:35:29🔗
Christopher Titus
Just give me a valid reason for using the strap on, and I'll help you out. I'm there. I'm all about backing you up.
1:36:14🔗
Adam
All right, well, that is it. Another fine episode of Loveline In the Ground. I want to thank Christopher Titus for coming in, and tell everybody who's listening, and those of you who aren't, you can tell people who didn't hear the show tonight, they should definitely watch Titus. Monday night's at 8.30. It is Loveline approved, and Christopher, it was nice meeting you.
1:36:44🔗
Adam
So, until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. The gerbil I put in my ass is acting strangely. Well, now.