Wednesday, April 5, 2000

0:54🔗 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

1:05🔗 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

1:08🔗 Voiceover Loveline.

1:09🔗 Adam Yep, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Tonight, our guest is an old friend, Chris Hardwick. Of course, you know from single doubt.

1:28🔗 Drew What is he doing?

1:30🔗 Adam What is Chris Hardwick doing?

1:31🔗 Drew It sounds like he's turned into some sort of beast and he's breathing into the mic.

1:36🔗 Adam That could be me.

1:37🔗 Drew Oh my God.

1:38🔗 Adam I'm a little out of breath, Drew. Settle down, I'm excited to be here.

1:42🔗 Drew Okay.

1:42🔗 Adam You know me.

1:43🔗 Drew I've decided, by the way, now that you are so tired of the show, Adam, Hardwick's just gonna take your place permanently.

1:48🔗 Adam Fine. We can start in 10 minutes. I'll just pack up my chair and leave. Chris is here. He's promoting, amongst other things, Art House, which is an independent film that is distributed and released at the Hollywood, wait, what? Hollywood video chain. And I shouldn't say distributed, but at least exclusively at the Hollywood video chain, which is a large nation wine chain. And you should have one near you.

2:18🔗 You make it sound so pleasant.

2:20🔗 Adam I know. And how does this work? I've never, well, maybe I have heard of it, but it's unusual that movies go to the video store. I mean, usually they get released, then they go to the video store. Or if they do go to the video store, it's not an exclusive thing.

2:33🔗 Well, Hollywood video has, oh, I'm sorry, Drew.

2:35🔗 Drew I just remember when Adam told Heather Graham that Boogie and I were going straight to the video store. Remember that?

2:40🔗 Is that why she broke up with you?

2:42🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

2:44🔗 No, Hollywood video has a program called First Rights and effectively they gather up independent films and then release them exclusively for six months. And so it's like an independent film that I did with some friends of mine and that was that.

2:57🔗 Adam Well, it's called Art House and I happen to be in it as well, even though I've never seen it.

3:02🔗 I'm not the only person promoting something, huh, you capitalist?

3:05🔗 Adam That's right, and if you take a look at Chris' bio here, or at least a bio on Art House by our good friends over at Braggman, Nyman, and Camperelli, who always get things right, it says, Ray Hardwick is an independent filmmaker.

3:21🔗 Not my character at all, actually.

3:22🔗 Adam When he's not making lattes at the coffee shop.

3:25🔗 Never did that.

3:26🔗 Adam He hooks up with Weston Craig, parentheses, Corolla.

3:30🔗 And not you.

3:32🔗 Adam To make the Art House film of their dreams. And I was thinking to myself, wow, I had one scene in this film.

3:36🔗 You know, at least I got the title right. And that's really all that matters, isn't it?

3:39🔗 Adam All right. So you're Weston Craig.

3:41🔗 Right.

3:42🔗 Adam Not me.

3:42🔗 No.

3:43🔗 Adam No.

3:44🔗 Turns out no.

3:45🔗 Adam Who am I?

3:48🔗 Your character is Cool Guy.

3:50🔗 Adam Cool Guy.

3:51🔗 The guy with all the answers.

3:53🔗 Drew Did you read the script?

3:55🔗 Adam Well here's what happened, as I recall. But you correct me if I'm wrong about this, Chris. We shot this thing in Burbank. We shot it on a very small sort of studio soundstage type place in Burbank, right in the heart of the sort of industrial area.

4:12🔗 Caller The scenic area.

4:13🔗 Adam The dog days of summer. I mean, it must have been July or August. It was a good 111 degrees outside. And you know how whenever I shoot something, Drew, it's exquisitely hot?

4:26🔗 Drew Whenever you work at all.

4:27🔗 Adam Right. This was the hottest I've ever been in. It was lights in a small stage and a small set. And it was hotter than the hubs of hell. And I don't know what the hell I was wearing. But I had my whole one scene was just a rant. And I had to stop every five minutes, go put my head by the air conditioner, mop my brow off and then go back and try it again. Now, Chris, who contacted me to do this part just a couple days earlier, said, don't worry about the script, don't worry about the sides, it's just a couple pieces of dialogue.

5:00🔗 Caller It's pretty much the whole attitude we had.

5:02🔗 Adam Come on in and hang out. And then I showed up. And it's true, there was one piece of dialogue, but it was almost an entire page covered with words.

5:12🔗 Caller But we knew you would bring that bit of Corolean magic.

5:15🔗 Adam There was no way I was going to memorize any of it. So I got the sort of general gist of it. And remember just sort of winging a rant.

5:26🔗 Caller Well, fortunately, you're not hairy, so you weren't that hot.

5:30🔗 Adam Oh, I was hot. I was hot. And thanks for that, because I am covered with hair.

5:35🔗 Drew Yeah, I had a kind of surreal experience today at Times Square, seeing a 50-foot rendition of your image. You know how they have those videos, those movies playing on Times Square now?

5:47🔗 Caller You doing acid again, Drew?

5:49🔗 Drew No, they had a Politically Correct commercial. Me and Jimmy and Adam were in this commercial.

5:54🔗 Adam Really?

5:55🔗 Drew Yeah.

5:55🔗 Caller On that big Jumbotron thing?

5:57🔗 Drew The huge screen.

5:59🔗 Adam Me, you, and Jimmy Kimmel were in this commercial?

6:03🔗 Drew Yes.

6:03🔗 Adam But me, you, and Jimmy have never been on PI at the same time.

6:06🔗 Drew I know, it was you and Jimmy started the, you know, they have a little montage of like eight or ten guests.

6:11🔗 Adam Right.

6:12🔗 Drew You and Jimmy started it, and then I was at the end of it.

6:14🔗 Adam Really?

6:15🔗 Drew Yeah.

6:15🔗 Adam Wow. And did you know it was coming up or were you just sort of walking around?

6:19🔗 Drew No, I was at the MTV studios and looking across the way, and I thought it was a Politic and Crack commercial, and then you guys came up, I was like, wow, that's surreal.

6:27🔗 Adam And then?

6:28🔗 Drew Then I came up, and that was even more bizarre.

6:31🔗 Adam They let you into the MTV studio?

6:34🔗 Drew This is a long story.

6:35🔗 Caller That's actually me that they don't let in to me.

6:37🔗 Adam No, they don't let us in either. Drew, why did they let you in?

6:40🔗 Drew I was on Carson's show.

6:40🔗 Adam Someone's going to get fired.

6:42🔗 Drew No, Carson helped me out.

6:45🔗 Adam I see.

6:46🔗 Caller As long as he okayed it.

6:47🔗 Adam All right. Well, you know, he's a young, hot kid. Well, don't worry. Don't worry. He's coming down with us.

6:54🔗 Faggot better run.

6:55🔗 Adam That's right.

6:56🔗 Caller What did you say?

6:57🔗 Drew Nothing.

6:58🔗 Adam I said, faggot better run. And he's right. All right. So you can go down to the Hollywood video and get this fabulous art house film. I'm going to fast forward to my scene. How far into the movie am I, Chris?

7:10🔗 Caller Oh, you know, you're sparse. You appear sporadically. How about that?

7:15🔗 Adam I do.

7:15🔗 Drew Oh my God. It's another one of those things. Oh my God.

7:20🔗 Caller Well, if Adam would really just focus more on his acting career, which I know is very important to him, he'd be getting the big roles in film, but he just, they offer and he just pushes it aside because he doesn't care.

7:28🔗 Adam That's right. Very aloof. Nick?

7:30🔗 Yeah.

7:31🔗 Adam You're 17. What's up?

7:32🔗 Caller Hey, nothing much. Hey, Adam, this question is for you.

7:35🔗 Adam For me?

7:36🔗 Caller Yeah.

7:36🔗 Adam All right.

7:37🔗 Caller I know you're the masturbation king.

7:39🔗 Adam Thank you.

7:40🔗 Caller And I was just wondering, does the well ever go dry?

7:44🔗 Adam Not as far as I know.

7:46🔗 Drew For Adam particularly or for any human? Adam has special powers, you see.

7:52🔗 Adam That's right.

7:53🔗 Caller Yeah, for an average guy.

7:55🔗 Adam Well, you mean, does it ever go dry in a lifetime or does it ever go dry on, let's say, number four, number five?

8:01🔗 Caller Well, can I, like, do what I, would there be a chance that I masturbate so much that, like, I wouldn't be able to orgasm, like, when I'm 25?

8:12🔗 Caller Like dust and cobwebs come out or you expel a testicle or something along those lines?

8:16🔗 Adam Right. Well, for me, yeah, let's see, what are my stages? Well, something will come out in the first two or three. Then the next one, confetti comes out, I believe. Then that stick with the bang flag on the end of it that sort of novelty pop gun. Then talcum or at least what appears to be talcum powder comes out of there, could be dried something else. And then a ghost comes out and just circles around the room and its mouth opens real big and goes over the camera.

8:47🔗 Caller That's a very masturbatory Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.

8:50🔗 Adam Out the chimney and then my soul, which is the, I think, eighth or ninth thing that comes out.

8:57🔗 Drew But you can't, you can run dry on a single sort of day.

9:01🔗 Adam Yeah.

9:02🔗 Drew But you're not going to run dry for a lifetime, okay?

9:04🔗 Adam Alright.

9:05🔗 Drew Alright, Nick.

9:06🔗 Adam Alright there.

9:07🔗 Caller Everyone has a finite number of masturbatory experiences and once you pass that point, people just have to understand that it doesn't.

9:13🔗 Drew No. You don't run out, you don't run out of seed. Okay. But Adam. I was thinking, you've got my, me thinking all day now about things I'd like to see from the 70s.

9:22🔗 Adam Yes.

9:23🔗 Drew You know, want to fill Chris in on this? I thought of something.

9:26🔗 Adam Well, I've talked from time to time about things I miss from TV and movies, gags like such as Souffle Humor, where in the first act, Alice is baking a souffle in the oven and Greg comes in and slams the door, and she runs over to look and it hasn't dropped yet.

9:41🔗 Drew Right.

9:42🔗 Adam But in the very last act, a car backfires and the thing falls down. Souffle Humor, getting in an argument with your roommate, putting a white line down the middle of the apartment and splitting it in half, that's good humor.

9:55🔗 Caller Well, there's always, you're leaving out the sex misunderstanding, where someone overhears something in another room and mistakes it as sex, but they're really trying to fit a salami into the fridge or something.

10:05🔗 Adam Right, yeah. What they're doing is the plumber's over there and he's going, yeah, I'm gonna clean those pipes out. I better get my snake out and give it a good reaming.

10:14🔗 Caller I always wanted to hear, like, the plumber come out and Mr. Ober say, oh, what were you doing? Working on the plumbing? No, no, I was screwing your wife in the other room.

10:20🔗 Adam I was cornholing your wife.

10:22🔗 Drew Well, I have a much simpler one. You don't ever see the ads or the sort of excited individual jumping in the air and clicking his heels.

10:30🔗 Adam Yeah, that is gone.

10:31🔗 Caller It's gone.

10:32🔗 Adam Yeah, I don't even know. And that wasn't something that, well, maybe Chaplin brought that to everyone's attention in the 20s or the 30s.

10:41🔗 Drew But it became an advertising sort of lexicon of the 70s.

10:45🔗 Adam Yeah, it did. And that's gone now.

10:47🔗 Caller There's no good Hitler spoofs anymore either.

10:49🔗 Adam Well, I'm working hard on one. I can't talk about it. Drew, who do you want to talk to?

10:53🔗 Drew Let me get this up here. Hold on. There.

10:57🔗 Adam Justin.

10:58🔗 Caller Yes.

10:59🔗 Adam Year 16. What's up?

11:01🔗 Caller For the past, I don't know, two months, I've been fantasizing about having oral sex with girls, me giving it to them.

11:11🔗 Adam That's low self-esteem.

11:13🔗 Drew What's your concern?

11:14🔗 Caller I was just wondering, I used to never ever do it, because I always smoke a lot of wheat and stuff.

11:23🔗 Adam Right.

11:24🔗 Drew Don't take the wind out of your sails.

11:26🔗 Adam What's you smoking weed have to do with not giving oral sex?

11:31🔗 Caller Well, I don't know. It just made me never ever think about doing anything. Then all of a sudden, I quit. I used to think it was gross and stuff.

11:39🔗 Drew Justin is a case study of one. But it does have interesting implications for why the Jamaicans don't like doing this so much, but which is true, they don't.

11:48🔗 Adam Well, it's really just black guys and gays.

11:50🔗 Caller Brothers don't like to go down, but white guys are.

11:54🔗 Drew No, Jamaicans particularly. I've talked to some and just think woof. But Justin is a case study of one whereby.

12:00🔗 Caller I just love to see Drew go up to a Jamaican in a bar and go, do you enjoy going down? No, no, no.

12:05🔗 Drew No, no, no. Over the years, I've talked to a few reggae artists and they all confirmed that no, no, that's a Jamaican cultural thing.

12:11🔗 Adam I don't think they can fit down there with that hair.

12:14🔗 Caller Is that why Maxie Priest got up and left when I was hosting the show that time?

12:18🔗 Drew Were you the one that was in there with me?

12:20🔗 Caller I was hosting the show that night.

12:21🔗 Drew Do you remember I was talking to Shaggy?

12:23🔗 Caller It was Maxie Priest and Shaggy and he got mad and left.

12:26🔗 Drew Because I was talking to Shaggy.

12:28🔗 Adam Yeah, you weren't paying him maximum respect or something?

12:32🔗 Caller I don't think we pointed out to Justin that he's 16 and so probably previous to now has not really, maybe he wouldn't have had an active sexual mindset fantasy.

12:43🔗 Drew But he really is case study one for how much marijuana suppresses libido and it sure can't. So there you go.

12:47🔗 Adam All right, let's go on and speak to, yeah, it's her. Isabel. Isabel.

12:54🔗 Yes.

12:55🔗 Adam You're 23. Are you drunk?

12:59🔗 Caller No.

12:59🔗 Adam All right. What's up?

13:01🔗 Caller I have a question. First of all, I have to say you guys are cool. Way cool.

13:05🔗 Adam Thank you.

13:06🔗 Caller I have a question for Dr. Drew.

13:08🔗 Drew You're 23, Isabel?

13:09🔗 Caller Yes. Everyone says I sound like I'm 10.

13:14🔗 Drew That means something to us.

13:15🔗 Caller Go ahead.

13:17🔗 Caller I have a question about breast reduction. Is it a major procedure and is there a big scar?

13:26🔗 Drew It depends. It is a significant surgery. It requires general anesthesia. It does cause a scarring, basically an inverted T going down from the nipple and then under the breast. The women that really want this procedure don't seem to be terribly bothered by the scar, but there is a scar.

13:43🔗 Caller There is. Is there any other effects as to maybe later on having kids and wanting the breast feed or anything like that?

13:51🔗 Drew Not that I'm aware of. It's just the fat they're taking out.

13:54🔗 Adam How large are your breasts?

13:56🔗 Caller 34 double D.

13:58🔗 Adam 34 double D. Oh, that 34. See, that's a good combo.

14:02🔗 Caller Nice rack.

14:03🔗 Adam What you're looking for is the low first number. See, I have to explain this to the listeners all the time because they think 38 double D, 40 double D. They think that's good, but all that means is a lot of back and lat and shoulders. Yeah. You want the low first number, 34, and then the down the alphabet.

14:23🔗 Caller Particularly if you're trying to cultivate scoliosis later in life.

14:26🔗 Adam Right. So 34 double D is a nice combo. Are you a petite gal?

14:31🔗 Caller Yeah. I weigh about 105.

14:33🔗 Adam Oh, my goodness.

14:35🔗 Drew Adam.

14:36🔗 Adam Settle down, boy. Hold on. You're going to talk to my penis?

14:39🔗 Drew Put that away, please. Are you done, Adam?

14:41🔗 Adam No, I'm not done. I'm just getting started. What city do you live in?

14:45🔗 Caller Rancho Cucamonga.

14:47🔗 Adam Rancho Cucamonga?

14:48🔗 Caller It's kind of a hall, but you could make it by two.

14:50🔗 Adam Yeah. What are you, about an hour away?

14:54🔗 Caller About.

14:55🔗 Adam All right. Well, you really should have an evaluation by an expert.

15:00🔗 Drew Well, Isabel, did something happen to you when you were 10? Is that why the voice thing we're noticing?

15:05🔗 Caller No, I have no idea why I sound like that.

15:08🔗 Drew Maybe just you're a small person.

15:10🔗 Adam Why do you want the reduction?

15:12🔗 Caller Because I've become very self-conscious about my body to where I'm obsessively working out and just wanting to not get bigger because I used to be heavy. So when I've lost weight, I went down a little bit in my chest. So I figure like if I can just lose weight and just stay, then maybe I'll feel better.

15:34🔗 Adam Yeah, but you're 105. I mean, didn't you say 105?

15:38🔗 Drew Yeah, are you anorectic?

15:40🔗 Adam 5'3?

15:42🔗 Caller I'm 5'1.

15:42🔗 Adam No, 5'1, 105.

15:44🔗 Drew Do you have anorexia?

15:46🔗 Caller I've kind of developed a problem with it a little bit.

15:49🔗 Drew Yeah, sounds like it. Well, here's the deal. The surgery generally, sort of a threshold for the surgery would definitely be physical problems, neck, back, deep bra strap, group, shoulder problems, that sort of thing. But in your case, the reason we keep talking about what happened to you when you were younger is why you have such self-esteem issues, and now we're finding about an eating disorder. Maybe you ought to really look into those emotional issues first before you make a big decision about a surgery. Okay?

16:13🔗 Adam All right, little therapy. Then you make a decision. She's 23. She's got plenty of time. Oh, that is a great combination, that 34 double D. It really is. People don't understand brawn back size and all that stuff, but the 34 double D, that's unstoppable.

16:32🔗 Drew Well, it's interesting. You've never mentioned it before, Adam.

16:35🔗 Adam All right. Carol?

16:36🔗 Drew Hey, Adam. What? I'm having Mike Tyson on a webcast on Monday.

16:40🔗 Adam You got to be asking me.

16:42🔗 Drew No, I'm not.

16:42🔗 Adam How'd you swing that one?

16:44🔗 Drew I'm just working on it. It's not completely set yet.

16:47🔗 Adam Forget it.

16:48🔗 Drew Well, it's about 80 percent there.

16:49🔗 Adam Whitney Houston will be there too. No way. We're down at drdrew.com.

16:56🔗 Caller Did you ever notice how Jamaican guys don't like to go down on golf?

17:00🔗 Drew I'm actually going to be in Las Vegas for this National Association of Broadcasters.

17:04🔗 Adam Jesus Christ, Drew. Anything but do your job. When are you coming back?

17:09🔗 Drew Monday night.

17:10🔗 Adam Monday night?

17:12🔗 Drew In time for this show.

17:13🔗 Adam What about us? When are you coming back next?

17:17🔗 Drew Oh, you mean from where I am now?

17:20🔗 Adam Yeah.

17:20🔗 Drew Tomorrow.

17:20🔗 Adam You're going to be here tomorrow night?

17:22🔗 Drew Yes.

17:22🔗 Adam Good, because I miss us.

17:23🔗 Caller God, would you guys just screw and get it over with?

17:25🔗 Adam What do you mean get it over with?

17:27🔗 Caller Attention.

17:28🔗 Drew It's done. Again?

17:29🔗 Adam Again. Yeah. All right, Carol?

17:32🔗 Yeah?

17:33🔗 Adam You're 22.

17:34🔗 Caller Hi.

17:34🔗 Adam Hey. Oh, hey, the Man Show is on tonight. I forgot about that.

17:37🔗 Drew Oh, will you just do your job for Crying Out Loud? All you ever think about is your other project.

17:42🔗 Adam Listen, dick weed, I don't go there and tape the show during this show. That's the difference.

17:46🔗 Drew You come in tired, it's irresponsible. You come in so tired.

17:49🔗 Adam I don't even know you anymore, man.

17:54🔗 Caller Get off me, man.

17:56🔗 Adam You know what I love?

17:57🔗 Caller When did this become Sunset Beach, for Christ's sake?

17:59🔗 Hey, back off, Hardwick.

18:01🔗 Adam You're way out of line, buddy.

18:03🔗 Caller Hey, man, you're in over your head. That's my other favorite one.

18:06🔗 Adam Yeah, that's a good one, too.

18:07🔗 Caller You're in over your head.

18:07🔗 Adam All right, so the good one is you're in over your head, back off, you're way out of line.

18:11🔗 Caller You're biting off more than you can chew.

18:13🔗 Adam And when you act this way, man, it's like, I don't even know you.

18:16🔗 Drew That's right.

18:17🔗 Caller Your mouth is right and checks your body can't catch. Something like that, I don't know.

18:22🔗 Adam Carol?

18:22🔗 Caller Yeah?

18:23🔗 Adam You're 22. Yeah, what's up?

18:25🔗 Caller Okay, well, I started about a year ago, well, not didn't start, but my father quit talking to me. Why?

18:33🔗 Drew Why, why?

18:33🔗 Caller Well, I don't know. I don't, he just is very selfish. My parents are divorced, like, since I was four. And you know, he just quit talking to me. I was going to study abroad like the next day anyways. And he comes down and just like, you know, you have a lot of healing to do, et cetera, et cetera. You know, and it's like, I've had problems with them for years, right?

18:53🔗 Adam He said you have a lot of healing to do?

18:56🔗 Caller He told me that, which, you know, I don't. He's very selfish. You know, I'm just, I don't, I mean, I don't know what I did wrong. You know, I-

19:05🔗 Adam Where'd he get the part about you have a lot of healing?

19:07🔗 Caller I think he was projecting. I think he was projecting.

19:09🔗 Drew That's what she thinks.

19:10🔗 Caller Very, very immature. And, you know, he's just very self-centered. Always thought of-

19:15🔗 Drew Okay.

19:16🔗 Adam All right.

19:16🔗 Drew Carol, stop, stop describing your judgment of him and tell us what the hell happened.

19:22🔗 Caller Well, I don't know. I just, I mean-

19:25🔗 Adam All right, well listen, you don't know. So forget it. No more questions. There's nothing we can do.

19:30🔗 Caller Well, listen, wait, wait, wait, wait. I just think that I'm having so many issues like relating to men because of him. And I just feel like, you know, that I don't know. Like, you know, I'm looking back on, like, past relationships and present relationships. And I just feel like I don't know how to relate to, I don't know, to guys. Like, I don't trust them.

19:49🔗 Caller Can I just throw something out there really quickly?

19:51🔗 Caller Yeah.

19:52🔗 Caller It sounds like your father was probably victimizing himself. And it sounds like you're doing a very similar thing.

19:58🔗 Drew Victimizing himself.

19:58🔗 Adam That's interesting. Making himself a victim.

20:01🔗 Caller Making himself a victim and saying, you know, for whatever reason, saying, oh, I can't be in this relationship with my daughter and, you know, like being selfish about it. But it sounds like there's a very similar thing going on with the with your relationships by saying, I can't get close to anybody.

20:13🔗 Well, yeah, that's how I feel.

20:15🔗 Caller I feel like I've just become like this ice queen. Like I just, you know, I've been raised kind of in like a, I don't know, with a really strong mother. But, you know, it's just I've had this jerky father.

20:25🔗 Adam Oh, what's your dad do for a living?

20:27🔗 Caller Oh, God, he's just a loser. He has some Internet site and yeah.

20:32🔗 Adam Hey, listen, Carol, you don't sound like you're a huge fan of your dad's.

20:36🔗 Caller No, not really.

20:37🔗 Drew Wait a minute. What does he have?

20:39🔗 Adam Hold on. Hold on a second. Forget it.

20:42🔗 Drew Listen, Carol, you don't all be projection to what mom's saying about him.

20:44🔗 Caller Well, you know, it's not I feel like she hasn't been she hasn't been very influential. I've really seen for myself that he's pretty much a jerk.

20:52🔗 Adam All right, you don't like your dad. Shut up, Drew. You don't like your dad and he's not talking to you.

20:58🔗 Caller I'm countless.

20:58🔗 Adam Shut up. Shut up, you squawk box. You drive me nuts. I want to break up with you. We're not even going out.

21:05🔗 Caller Okay.

21:06🔗 Adam Now back off. You're way out of line, sister.

21:08🔗 Caller Okay.

21:09🔗 Adam You're bitten off way more than you can chew.

21:11🔗 Caller You're really, really reinforcing her faith in men right now.

21:13🔗 Adam When you talk this way, it's like I don't even know who you are, Kara.

21:16🔗 Caller Back off, Corolla.

21:18🔗 Adam Now listen to me. What? This guy's an idiot. Yeah? You don't seem to like him and he's not talking to you. Good. Don't talk to him. Talk to a therapist. Read a book. Take a walk. Try to hash out some of these problems. Do not focus every ounce of energy on a guy who's an idiot and not communicating with you.

21:39🔗 Drew Would you agree, though, that at least take responsibility for those pieces of this relationship that are within your grasp?

21:46🔗 Adam Absolutely.

21:47🔗 Drew Yourself.

21:48🔗 Adam Yes.

21:48🔗 Drew Look at realistically on who he is, what he is, how you feel, what you can do to change how you relate, how you can make better choices. Take control of that piece.

21:57🔗 Adam Well, listen, you can blame a parent as much as you want, but it doesn't do you any good when you're out of the house and you're trying to make it on your own.

22:05🔗 Drew Right, Adam?

22:05🔗 Adam It just doesn't.

22:06🔗 Caller Well, the other thing is that maybe she just hasn't met the guy that she wants to open up to yet. I mean, sometimes a lot of people doesn't seem like they allow themselves to just be indifferent. You know, you get over that eventually.

22:16🔗 Adam What? You want me to punch Chris?

22:18🔗 Drew Isn't he isn't he cute and naive?

22:20🔗 Adam He doesn't believe that.

22:21🔗 Caller I'm sorry. I have not been doing the show since 1874.

22:25🔗 Adam That's right. Drew originally did it over the telegraph.

22:29🔗 Caller Over the wireless.

22:31🔗 Drew It was with Morris Code.

22:34🔗 Caller It was Drew and Marconi.

22:36🔗 Drew That were the days. The show was interesting then.

22:38🔗 Adam The Pony Express would bring in the questions and then he'd run them out to Montana with his answer.

22:43🔗 Caller Every other question, syphilis.

22:45🔗 Adam That and these Indians.

22:48🔗 Caller Oh, yeah.

22:49🔗 Drew Sprew.

22:50🔗 Adam All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. Chris Hardwick is here tonight. We are talking about Art House, which is our latest joint. Chris actually stars in this and I'm giving him a writing and producing credit even if he doesn't deserve one. No. He gets some. He gets more than whatever I get. But I was in this movie as well and it's out at the Hollywood Video as we speak. So we'll take a little break. And Drew, who are we going to speak to when we come back?

23:20🔗 Drew How about Louise, line two?

23:22🔗 Adam All right. She has HPV shows. She has warts. She wants to know, can her girlfriend get it through oral sex? All of that after this.

23:32🔗 Caller We about to get funky, yo.

23:38🔗 Oh, we'll be right back.

24:14🔗 Adam Yep, it is the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-3-11 will be in here tomorrow night. Chris Hardwick is our guest tonight. Chris, you're a member from Singled Out, all those years on MTV, and I guess that's when we met, maybe four years ago.

24:33🔗 Caller We both started at K-Rock at the same time.

24:35🔗 Adam Maybe, yeah, maybe a little bit more than that. Oh, and now he's got a few movie projects, but he's not allowed to talk about them because he hasn't signed the thing yet.

24:43🔗 Caller That doesn't sound suspect, does it?

24:45🔗 Adam No, but I got the skinny out of him. Sounds pretty good.

24:48🔗 Drew He hasn't signed the thing yet?

24:50🔗 Adam Well, you know, it's just a thing. Just things you sign and you can't talk about them.

24:54🔗 Caller By the way, I'm glad I checked the website. They're like, hey, I wonder if I'll be on. No, it wasn't on. But fortunately, Mandy and Sandy Bentley, the twin playmates, were on the website.

25:03🔗 Adam Oh, they were?

25:03🔗 Caller Yeah.

25:04🔗 Adam Well, they were on last week, weren't they?

25:06🔗 Caller Oh.

25:07🔗 Adam Well, they weren't supposed to be on tonight, were they?

25:09🔗 Caller No, no, no, no, no.

25:10🔗 Drew You're talking about the Loveline website?

25:11🔗 The Loveline site's a little messed up right now.

25:14🔗 Drew Go to the drdrew.com site. It's updated every day. Hey, listen, wait, wait, wait.

25:18🔗 Adam Go ahead, buddy.

25:19🔗 Drew Hang on a second. Hang on a second.

25:20🔗 Caller And he railed you for mentioning the Man Show.

25:23🔗 Adam Oh, by the way, Man Show starts in a minute and a half, Comedy Central.

25:26🔗 Drew Hang on a second. Listen, you like this, Chris. We're having an interesting promotion where we're having a big party at the House of Blues in April 25th, where two of our users are going to pick a guy and a girl. They're going to go in a van and have streaming video as they tour the country for three months. And it's going to be an interesting adventure.

25:42🔗 Adam I smell rape. Do you?

25:45🔗 Drew It's going to be on streaming video if that's what happens.

25:47🔗 Adam What night is the 25th?

25:49🔗 Drew It's a Tuesday.

25:50🔗 Adam Oh, Jesus Christ.

25:51🔗 Caller Do you pop up from time to time, like at a grocery store and stuff?

25:54🔗 Drew I'll be in there. Yes, I'll be occasionally.

25:55🔗 Adam Drew, what time does that House of Blues party start?

25:58🔗 Drew Early in the evening.

26:00🔗 Adam Is Sugar Ray playing?

26:02🔗 Drew That's the plan.

26:04🔗 Adam Really? They'll be there with Tyson. That starts early enough so I can go have a good time and then sober up and come back and do the show, right?

26:12🔗 Drew You can go have a good time.

26:13🔗 Adam All right. Where the hell are- Oh, yes. But Art House is the movie that Chris is here to promote tonight, and that is available exclusively at the Hollywood Video Chains. I'm also in that movie, and that's a reason enough to get it.

26:28🔗 Caller Our director, Lee Slauner, would be very proud.

26:31🔗 Adam Good plug. Louise?

26:33🔗 Caller Thank you.

26:33🔗 Caller Hello.

26:34🔗 Adam Hello.

26:35🔗 Caller Hi.

26:35🔗 Adam All right. So you have warts.

26:37🔗 Caller Yeah.

26:38🔗 Adam You're a lesbian.

26:40🔗 Caller Well, I'm bisexual.

26:42🔗 Adam Do you believe that that's God punishing you in any way?

26:45🔗 Caller No.

26:45🔗 Adam No.

26:46🔗 It was me being stupid.

26:47🔗 Adam I see.

26:48🔗 Drew How did you get him?

26:50🔗 Caller I tried an open relationship with my ex, and I got it from him.

26:55🔗 Drew An open relationship. What is up with you, Louise?

26:58🔗 Adam She's a little chaotic.

27:00🔗 Drew A little.

27:00🔗 Adam So now you have a girlfriend.

27:04🔗 Caller Yeah.

27:05🔗 Adam And for now, you're a lesbian then, right? What's your girlfriend think about you being with boys?

27:14🔗 Caller She doesn't mind. She's bisexual also.

27:16🔗 Adam I see.

27:16🔗 Drew So you guys are not having a monogamous relationship?

27:19🔗 Caller No, we are.

27:20🔗 Adam You are?

27:20🔗 Caller Yeah. Right now, we're just choosing to be together.

27:24🔗 Adam I see. But at any moment now, you may get a craving for some penis and go off the wagon. OK. So now, see, I've... Well, listen, I got to put on a whole for a second. I've said this many times, people get upset by this, but they can kiss my ass. When you announce you're bisexual and you're in a relationship, you're basically you're saying I'm going to cheat.

27:45🔗 Caller You're advertising.

27:46🔗 Adam You're saying like, hey, I'm monogamous with you. For now, but I'm bisexual, and eventually, in order to keep my bisexuality status going, I'm going to have to get a little Pepe every once in a while.

28:00🔗 Drew And you have to renew.

28:01🔗 Adam Yeah, otherwise. Yeah, it's like SAG or AFTRA or anything else.

28:06🔗 Caller Yeah, exactly.

28:07🔗 Drew You lose your status after a year.

28:08🔗 Adam That's right. Well, you'll lose your medical insurance if you don't blow at least one guy a week.

28:13🔗 Caller Well, that really pisses off the lesbian union, though, because if you're going back and forth...

28:16🔗 Adam I know, and they're real tough customers over there. Yeah. All right. So anyway, Louise, you want to know if you can give this HPV to your girlfriend?

28:25🔗 Drew Hey, one thing. Hey, Chris, when you suck off that cup and take a big swallow, move another five inches away from the microphone.

28:32🔗 Caller I'll stop if you just keep saying, suck off to me over and over again.

28:36🔗 Adam Hey, Louise. Now, you have these warts on your private parts down there, right? And your girlfriend comes in contact with that part of you with her mouth, right?

28:49🔗 Drew Yeah.

28:50🔗 Adam Now, Drew, these warts don't seem to spread to the mouth, do they?

28:53🔗 Drew Not, they can, but they don't seem to.

28:56🔗 Adam But this is sort of an ideal situation to have the warts. Because she's got it on her crotch. Her girlfriend is not going to get her crotch on Louise's crotch. Or is she, Louise?

29:07🔗 Caller You always see the positive in everything.

29:09🔗 Adam You give me warts, I give you ward aid. And you guys don't bump with the crotches, do you?

29:16🔗 Caller No, that would be unsafe and I wouldn't do that to anybody.

29:19🔗 Adam I see.

29:20🔗 Caller And she's not put, even though you can't get it, it would seem kind of off-putting to say, now before you go down, I have warts, but you won't get them, so go ahead. It just seems a little odd.

29:30🔗 Drew How do you know that your girlfriend doesn't have them?

29:32🔗 Caller No.

29:33🔗 Drew How do you know that?

29:34🔗 Caller We haven't done any of that yet until I figured out the truth. Because actually I've asked many doctors and I've got conflicting advice.

29:44🔗 Drew I'm sure, I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised. It's a controversial issue and I'm not sure if there's any definitive answer that somebody can give you that would be accurate.

29:51🔗 Adam Do you guys use any sex toys?

29:53🔗 Caller Yeah, but there's no sharing.

29:56🔗 Drew And there was some data that came out recently that suggested that, I happen to think this data is wrong, but they were suggesting that 80% of women have this virus.

30:05🔗 Caller Oh really? Yeah.

30:07🔗 Adam That seems a tad high.

30:09🔗 Drew Well, I think it's probably around 30% in fact, but 80% was the number that's out there. And the condoms are not particularly useful in preventing the spread of this thing.

30:16🔗 Adam So what they're saying is 80% of women have it and 70% of those women don't know they have it.

30:24🔗 Drew A lot of people don't know they have it, and there's really yet no good way to prevent spreading.

30:28🔗 Caller But is that the thing where they survey 1,000 people and then there's like 80% of those 1,000 people?

30:33🔗 Drew It may have been 100 surveyed at a wife swapping center.

30:39🔗 Adam We talked to 10 Bangkok whores.

30:41🔗 Drew Right.

30:42🔗 Adam Exactly. As it turns out, eight of them had HPV. Really? Yeah. So there you go. The national average for the United States, 80%. Thank you very much.

30:50🔗 Drew No, but it was not that bad study.

30:53🔗 Adam All right. Louise? So anyway, the good news is as far as we know, you and your lesbian partner for the time being can go at it. Do not share any instruments and keep her crotch away from your crotch and all will be good. Christina? Enjoy. Christina?

31:12🔗 Yeah.

31:12🔗 Adam You're 15.

31:13🔗 Caller Yeah.

31:14🔗 Adam What's up? Drew loves it when I say. Enjoy.

31:17🔗 Caller Okay.

31:19🔗 Caller I have an ex-boyfriend.

31:20🔗 Drew I'm easily amused. I'm sorry, Christina. Go right ahead.

31:24🔗 Caller Oh, I have an ex-boyfriend. He's going around and spreading a bunch of rumors and I'm getting sick of it.

31:29🔗 Drew He's just a dick.

31:30🔗 Adam All right.

31:31🔗 Drew He is. What are the rumors about?

31:33🔗 Caller He's going around telling all my friends I'm a slut and everything and now all my friends turn against me.

31:37🔗 Adam Oh, they do not.

31:39🔗 Drew They don't.

31:40🔗 Adam Shut up.

31:40🔗 Drew That's not true. Unless they want to date him or something.

31:43🔗 Caller Well, one of our...

31:45🔗 Drew She's dating him?

31:46🔗 Caller Yeah.

31:46🔗 Adam All right. Well, she turned against you. Maybe she's convinced a couple of your other friends to turn against you too because they're her friends as well.

31:52🔗 Caller You might want to redefine the term friends.

31:55🔗 Drew And also, Christina, this one girl that is now dating your boyfriend is probably gathering support lest people should look at her behavior, her shameful behavior, and make her feel bad about what she's done, which she should. So am I making sense?

32:09🔗 Adam You made sense to me.

32:10🔗 Drew So what she's doing is gathering up support to turn people against you so they don't notice that she really was a Benedict Arnold.

32:18🔗 Adam That's right.

32:19🔗 Drew Another 70s reference. Yeah. For your relationship.

32:22🔗 Adam I would have liked to see a little more Benedict Arnold humor in today's sitcoms.

32:26🔗 Caller I want some more Carter jokes and then I'll be happy.

32:29🔗 Adam Well, we'll see if we can weave those into. Christina?

32:31🔗 Drew Yeah?

32:32🔗 Adam Here's the deal. You're 15. This crap goes on all the time. And you cannot make people be friends or better friends. If they're not acting like friends, then eventually they're not friends and you find new people. I mean, people do this. They call the show all the time. They have friends and they're like, my friend stabbed me with a sprinkler key. My friend is screwing my boyfriend. My friend tried to smother me with a pillow while I was asleep. Well, you know what? At a certain point, they're not your friends anymore when they're bad mouthing you or sleeping with your boyfriend.

33:03🔗 Caller But you know, it's a lot easier for us because we're not in high school anymore. And the spectrum of our lives is wider. But when you're in school, you know, you only have a small group.

33:10🔗 Adam You have a clique.

33:11🔗 Caller It seems a lot worse than it actually is because you don't get outside of it at all. And you don't care as much.

33:16🔗 Adam That is your world and your world is kind of effed up. Right.

33:19🔗 Yeah.

33:19🔗 Adam And the point is, though, is you have to sort of move to another part of your world and hang out with people from that land.

33:27🔗 Caller The best satisfaction that you have is in, as a little bit of time passes, you'll be able to look back and just say they're a bunch of a-holes and then you'll laugh. I mean, honestly, you may not seem like it right now, but you'll feel better about it eventually.

33:39🔗 Adam Brad?

33:40🔗 Caller Hey, you hoes.

33:41🔗 Caller That was terrible advice. What's wrong with me?

33:42🔗 Adam That was decent. You're 18.

33:44🔗 Drew We're not listening to it, Chris.

33:45🔗 Adam All right.

33:46🔗 Drew All right, Brad?

33:47🔗 Caller Hey, you hoesers. How's it going, eh?

33:50🔗 Adam Yeah, that's good.

33:53🔗 Caller Someone just rented Strange Brew.

33:54🔗 Adam McKenzie Brothers humor that was all the rage in 1984 is back on Loveline.

34:00🔗 Drew Well, you want those late 70s, early 80s references. Here we are.

34:03🔗 Adam Well, that's mid-80s. What do you want, Brad?

34:05🔗 Caller Hey, can I say something about that marijuana reference to not eating girls out?

34:10🔗 Adam Yeah.

34:10🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm a big stoner. I've been smoking weed since a long time ago and I love eating out.

34:19🔗 Caller Kudos to you, sir.

34:20🔗 Adam All right.

34:21🔗 Drew There's also de-repressive quality to marijuana. I noticed that.

34:24🔗 Adam Yes.

34:24🔗 Drew Inability to contain impulses, screen, thoughts.

34:27🔗 Adam Thank you.

34:28🔗 Caller Kapow, Drew.

34:29🔗 Adam Brad?

34:30🔗 Caller Yes?

34:31🔗 Adam None of us like you, so hurry up with your question, please.

34:34🔗 Drew I like you, Brad. You make my points for me. You illustrate them nicely.

34:38🔗 Caller Okay. Well, my girlfriend, she likes to give me a head and I don't blame her, but when she gives me a head-

34:46🔗 Drew No, I don't like you.

34:47🔗 Adam Yeah. Hold on, Brad. I just have to put Brad on hold because of his sort of side commentary to his own questions. Exactly.

34:56🔗 Caller Fortunately, he had to justify that. I don't blame her.

34:59🔗 Adam Right. Then who could? Really? Drew, let's talk to someone else and then have Brad sit on hold. It's funny too, Brad's been on hold for 52 minutes now.

35:09🔗 Caller That may explain the aggression.

35:11🔗 Adam He could be punchy. Megan?

35:13🔗 Caller Oh, hi.

35:13🔗 Adam You're 22?

35:15🔗 Caller Yeah.

35:15🔗 Adam What's up?

35:16🔗 Caller Well, I was just wondering about if you were to take drugs while you were on the pill, if it would affect it in any way.

35:24🔗 Drew Melissa drugs.

35:26🔗 What drugs?

35:27🔗 Drew Yeah.

35:28🔗 Like, well, let's see.

35:30🔗 Caller My friend, she wants to know about ecstasy, but I don't think, I don't know if that would affect it.

35:35🔗 Drew Yeah, I don't know that that's been studied, Megan. I suspect it could. It's not like antibiotics, which are well known to, but it possibly could. Pills are basically designed to be used a certain way, and on the other hand, I'm not sure that it has much of an effect, because a lot of people do a lot of drugs, and you don't hear about an extraordinary amount of birth control failure caused by use of drugs.

36:00🔗 Adam All right, so go to the park and shoot up on Drew.

36:04🔗 Caller And see if you get pregnant.

36:05🔗 Adam That's right.

36:06🔗 Caller Then you'll have your answer.

36:08🔗 Adam Mark. Mark, you're 20?

36:11🔗 Caller Yeah.

36:12🔗 Adam It says here that you masturbate to your sister.

36:16🔗 Caller Yes. Yeah.

36:17🔗 Adam How come I don't believe him? I don't believe him already.

36:21🔗 Caller You don't believe me.

36:23🔗 Adam Yeah, now I really don't believe you the way you say you don't believe me. Is this your biological sister?

36:28🔗 Drew Hold on, I put him on hold.

36:29🔗 Adam Oh, you did? Go. Mark?

36:32🔗 Caller Yes.

36:32🔗 Adam Is this your biological sister?

36:34🔗 Caller Yes.

36:35🔗 Adam All right.

36:36🔗 Caller How old is she?

36:37🔗 Caller 22.

36:38🔗 Adam Do you still live at home?

36:40🔗 Caller Yes.

36:41🔗 Caller Why don't you describe the average fantasy while performing this act?

36:48🔗 Caller I just imagine myself having sex with her.

36:51🔗 Adam I see.

36:51🔗 Drew Are you a virgin?

36:53🔗 Caller No.

36:54🔗 Adam Have you been with many women?

36:56🔗 Caller No.

36:57🔗 Adam Just your mom and grandma?

36:59🔗 Drew You've been with her? Your sister?

37:01🔗 Caller No, not at all.

37:02🔗 Adam Not been your sister?

37:03🔗 Caller Not at all.

37:04🔗 Adam Not even a second base? Come on. You guys have been living together for 20-something years.

37:09🔗 Drew What is it about your sister you think that's attracting you?

37:12🔗 Caller I don't know. I don't know what it is. But when I was a little kid, I also would try to stare through the cracks of the doors when I was young.

37:23🔗 Adam Yeah, all right. Well, that's kind of normal. But as you get a little bit older, you stop being curious and attracted to your sister.

37:30🔗 Caller Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

37:32🔗 Adam But you haven't stopped, huh?

37:34🔗 Caller No.

37:34🔗 Adam Well, let me venture a guess here. When did you start masturbating? At what age?

37:41🔗 Caller Like every normal age, around 12, 13.

37:46🔗 Adam 12, 13. And were you thinking of your sister back then?

37:49🔗 Caller No.

37:50🔗 Adam No. When did you begin thinking of your sister?

37:52🔗 Caller Probably around 15, 16.

37:55🔗 Adam See, there goes my theory. See, my only theory with this guy was, maybe he started masturbating early, which he did.

38:02🔗 Caller 12, 13.

38:02🔗 Drew To the only image of a woman that he had.

38:04🔗 Adam The only one who was nearby taking a shower or looking through a curtain or whatever was his sister, and that just kind of got stuck in his masturbatory craw.

38:12🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah.

38:13🔗 Caller Yes, but I used to have a mad crush on Lauren Tways, the cruise director from The Love Boat.

38:19🔗 Adam Sure.

38:20🔗 Caller I lost that at about age 14.

38:22🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah. I picked it up. Yeah, I had the same thing with Adrienne Barbeau. I must have.

38:28🔗 Caller She was so good in Swamp Thing.

38:29🔗 Adam I must have dedicated at least a garbage can worth of semen to Adrienne Barbeau's likeness. Not one of those small office ones either. I'm talking about the big 25-gallon rum.

38:41🔗 Drew The big metal cans that your friend, the garbage man knocked around that morning.

38:45🔗 Adam Guy got hernia trying to throw that thing in the back of the truck.

38:49🔗 Caller You're in over your head.

38:51🔗 Adam My point is even I let that one go. Mark has not let this one go. I do believe him and there's something's up with him.

38:58🔗 Caller I'm curious to know if he's confronted his sister about it. Probably not if he's calling.

39:02🔗 Drew I get a little bit of a feel for Mark that troubles me. All right. You got that too, Adam?

39:06🔗 Adam Yes. Mark's got to get some therapy.

39:08🔗 Drew Well, some aggression in there somewhere. Real serious aggression.

39:12🔗 Adam We're going to take a break. We're telling him it's not good and he should talk to someone about it other than his sister. And move out of the house. We'll be back after this.

39:19🔗 Drew Indeed.

39:25🔗 Caller Loveline will be right back.

39:57🔗 Caller Yep.

39:58🔗 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Chris Hardwick is our guest tonight.

40:08🔗 Caller Who?

40:08🔗 Adam Those of you who know the MTV network, and we know some of our listeners do, will remember Chris, of course, from Singled Out all those years.

40:17🔗 Caller The pre-Carson years.

40:21🔗 Adam Loveline may have been on longer in Singled Out. How long was Singled Out on?

40:24🔗 Caller We did like 325 episodes of that show.

40:28🔗 Drew True. We've done more than that.

40:30🔗 Caller I think you have.

40:30🔗 Adam We've done like 375, I think.

40:32🔗 Caller And you guys are going back for more.

40:34🔗 Adam Oh, I don't know. You never know. With all the smack I talk about MTV, I'm always surprised that those cheap bastards have us back, but apparently they have no pride over there. Carl?

40:47🔗 Caller We're done talking to Mark about the sister?

40:49🔗 Drew He's gone. He dropped off.

40:51🔗 Adam Good. Carl? Well, he had a little business to tend to.

40:54🔗 Caller Turn on the Night Rangers.

40:55🔗 Adam Art House, by the way, is the name of the movie that not only Chris is in, but yours truly is in this film. And again, it's not a movie. It's a film. It is out exclusively at Hollywood Video, and those of you who are in that neighborhood and writing a movie should definitely pick this one up. Can you buy it there or do you just rent it?

41:18🔗 Caller Oh, damn, I'm so not prepared. I think you can probably buy it. It's part of the First Rights Independent Program.

41:25🔗 Adam Let me ask you guys a quick question before we get to Carl. Remember, you and Chris, remember back in the day when they first started renting videos and you'd rent a video and you'd rent like a Ski School 5 because it had a boob scene in it. And then you'd lend it to one of your buddies and he threw it in the back of his truck and his truck got ripped off. And then you got a bill from the rental place for $118.71. And the notion that this movie that probably cost $500 to make is now going to cost $118.71 to replace sounded ridiculous. But you didn't really have much choice. It's like what are you going to do? But now they sell videos and you can go get the Star Wars series for $55. If you rent a video now and lose it, is it still this absorbent fee? Or do you think it's just $10 or $15?

42:19🔗 Caller I think all the 1995 videos are like the ones that are on some sort of a special. But I think honestly if you lost Ski School 5, it would probably cost about $118. Still today I think so.

42:30🔗 Adam So ironically...

42:30🔗 Caller Because where are you going to find another copy of Ski School 5?

42:32🔗 Adam Ironically if you rented Mission Impossible and lost that one, you could replace it for $14.95 because they're selling them for $14.95.

42:42🔗 Caller I don't think it works that way. I think you probably would have to pay the full $90.

42:47🔗 Adam Oh my god. What kind of world are we living in, Drew? Carl? Yeah. You're 16. What's up?

42:55🔗 Caller Every time I go in my math class, I just got this new math teacher and she's like 29. I just get an erection and it's getting really, really embarrassing.

43:02🔗 Adam Why? Does she know you're getting an erection?

43:04🔗 Caller No, my friends do. They call me like bad names.

43:08🔗 Adam Are you wearing sweatpants?

43:10🔗 Caller No.

43:10🔗 Drew How do they know?

43:12🔗 Adam Yeah, they know.

43:13🔗 Caller Well, just because there's a big lump, dude.

43:15🔗 Adam Well, you're sitting down at your desk, right?

43:17🔗 Caller Yeah.

43:18🔗 Adam Well, do they see your big lump while you're sitting down in front of your desk?

43:22🔗 Caller These aren't the nicest people, bro.

43:24🔗 Adam What did you say?

43:25🔗 Caller They're really nice, dude. They're mean.

43:27🔗 Caller They're like, whoa, dude, look at Carl, dude.

43:29🔗 Adam No, I understand guys are mean and inherently evil, but how is it that they see your lump when you're sitting at your desk?

43:36🔗 Caller Because it just sticks.

43:38🔗 Adam Shut up. They don't see your lump, you moron. Now, you must tell them about it. Well, OK, that's what we're getting at. So you tell your buddies and then they make fun of you. That too.

43:49🔗 Caller I'll never be able to explain why later in life the quadratic equation will make you get wood.

43:54🔗 Adam You, it is something that every young teenage boy experiences at one time or another will go away.

44:01🔗 Drew Usually history, though, isn't it?

44:02🔗 Adam Yeah. Man, somehow it takes away.

44:06🔗 Drew It doesn't fit.

44:06🔗 Caller Wasn't that the plot of Good Will Hunting? Or was it not the same?

44:10🔗 Adam No. Good Will Hunting was the guy that was a super genius except for he was a janitor.

44:16🔗 Caller Right, right, right.

44:17🔗 Adam Right. Janitors must have loved that movie, by the way. I found it ridiculous. Pinky?

44:23🔗 Caller Hi.

44:24🔗 Adam You're 24.

44:25🔗 Caller Yes.

44:25🔗 Adam What's up?

44:26🔗 Caller Well, I have a bit of a situation. It's been going on for about a little over a year. Two years ago, I got divorced. I have two children. After the divorce, everybody got depressed. And everybody? Yeah. My kids, I was very depressed. My ex-husband lost about 60 to 70 pounds.

44:51🔗 Adam And got down to 255. Right. Yeah. Go ahead.

44:55🔗 Caller 230 and got down to like 170 something.

44:59🔗 Adam All right. But he's 5'5, so that's fine.

45:01🔗 Caller Divorced diet.

45:02🔗 Caller No, he's pretty tall.

45:03🔗 Adam All right.

45:04🔗 Caller Anyway, we decided to move in together as roommates for the kids' sake.

45:11🔗 Adam Very healthy.

45:12🔗 Caller Well, it's been going OK. Now we want to, you know, get married and live on our own. But I guess we prolonged the inevitable. And I don't know how the kids are going to take it right now.

45:26🔗 Caller Wait, you want to get married to your ex-husband and leave the kids?

45:29🔗 Drew No, they each have their own relationships. Oh, how old are the kids?

45:34🔗 Caller They're eight and three.

45:36🔗 Adam And you guys each have a serious relationship?

45:41🔗 Caller Well, he's had girlfriends. I have a very serious relationship with my boyfriend.

45:48🔗 Adam And you guys are still living together?

45:50🔗 Caller Yes.

45:51🔗 Caller Can't you guys move into a duplex, all of you, and just sell a sitcom to the WB?

45:56🔗 Caller Well, we don't have like different rooms, you know? My boyfriend's kids have their rooms.

46:01🔗 Adam Okay, so it's not just like a quadruple bunk bed?

46:06🔗 Caller No, no, no.

46:07🔗 Adam In one room with a high ceiling? Well, then that's fine. Hey, Pinky?

46:12🔗 Drew Yes?

46:13🔗 Adam Obviously, you're going to get married, and he's going to get married, and all this stuff is going to go down, and you're just going to have to sort of break it to the kids. And try not to screw them up anymore when you already have.

46:23🔗 Caller It would certainly be a lot better than all living together.

46:25🔗 Drew Why not just live right next door or nearby, something where the kids can feel as though they're sharing some sort of regular connection with both of your lives?

46:33🔗 Adam Oh, Jesus. Imagine dating someone, and you go home with them.

46:37🔗 Caller Who's that guy? Oh, it's my husband.

46:38🔗 Adam That's my ex. And it's like, yeah, but honey, I'm going to nail you in about ten minutes. Yeah, he's cool. Yeah, when I...

46:44🔗 Caller He'll just turn on Cinemax and he'll go over it.

46:47🔗 Adam I hang a scrunchie on the door knob that means I'm getting something. He won't come in.

46:51🔗 Caller Although one time he did burst through the door with an accident double-barrel shotgun, but that only happened once.

46:56🔗 Adam Yeah, I'll just go ahead and slide the night table up against it so we'll have a little bit of time to get out of the way.

47:02🔗 Caller You can just be as loud as you want and if anything goes down there's a rope ladder under the bed.

47:05🔗 Drew And here we go.

47:06🔗 Adam Oh, Jesus Christ. All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break. Who are we going to talk to when we come back, Drew?

47:12🔗 Drew We're going to wait to see... Oh, no, it's Sue on line 3. Sue, Sue.

47:17🔗 Adam Oh, yeah, Sue is 14 and pregnant with boyfriends with girlfriends, brothers, baby. What? With girlfriends, brothers, baby. Okay, I see. I got it now. All right, we'll talk to the pregnant 14-year-old Sue after this.

47:32🔗 Caller Let's have some more fun.

47:34🔗 Caller Okay, let's do it.

47:36🔗 Caller Call Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

47:40🔗 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

47:42🔗 Adam Well, here's how it's sampled. Yep, it's Loveline. We're going to take a quick 10-second timeout, like we always do at the top of the hour, and we'll be back with more of the fabulous program in just 10 seconds.

48:27🔗 Caller This is Loveline on radio station.

48:42🔗 Adam It's the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. 311 will be in here tomorrow night. I don't know when the last time we saw 311 was. Do you remember, Drew?

48:51🔗 Drew Six months ago.

48:52🔗 Adam Six months ago?

48:54🔗 Drew I don't know. That's what Anderson just said.

48:55🔗 Adam Really? That was like four years ago.

48:58🔗 Drew We said it was a while ago.

48:59🔗 Adam 311 was in here six months ago? Was I here?

49:03🔗 Drew During the Christmas thing, maybe. Yeah, they were.

49:06🔗 Adam Yeah, they came in at Christmas. That's right. All right. Chris is, well, they'll be in tomorrow night. Tonight, we have Chris Hardwick in here and he's plug-in Art House, which is a movie that he worked on a couple of years back, which is released now exclusively at the Hollywood Video Store. I am also in this movie. Here's something that's interesting in this release here. It says, as you know, Art House is a dramedy which stars Chris Hardwick, and then it says MTV Singled Out, Guys Like Us also, which was the sitcom Chris was in about a year ago or maybe two.

49:44🔗 Caller We had 100 loyal fans.

49:47🔗 Adam Then it says Adam Corolla and it says nothing, and then it says Amy Webber, Port Charles. Now, why don't I have a thing after my name?

49:55🔗 Caller Because your credits are so extensive, there's not enough paper in existence to house them all.

50:01🔗 Drew They love you at Bragman-Nyman.

50:04🔗 Adam Oh, yes. So it's genius.

50:05🔗 Caller Well, yeah, they made you one of the stars in the film.

50:07🔗 Adam That's right. It says right here, I play Weston Craig. Well, maybe I'll take this as a good thing. People know who I am, so you don't need to say who it is. Of course. Is that it?

50:18🔗 Caller Of course.

50:18🔗 Adam Wow.

50:19🔗 Drew You were in Times Square today. You were 50 feet tall.

50:21🔗 Adam That's right, Drew.

50:22🔗 Drew A hundred feet tall is something that's very scary.

50:25🔗 Adam Well, let me just do the ratio math here.

50:28🔗 Caller If I was a hundred feet tall, I knew it was going to go peanut.

50:30🔗 Adam That made my penis seven and a half inches. Yes. Finally broke the elusive seven barrier.

50:37🔗 Caller A half. Are you sure? Come on.

50:40🔗 Adam Let's give myself the benefit of the doubt. Sue.

50:44🔗 Yeah.

50:44🔗 Adam You're 14.

50:45🔗 Caller Yeah.

50:46🔗 Adam You're preggo's.

50:47🔗 Caller Yeah.

50:48🔗 Adam And how far along are you?

50:50🔗 Caller About two months.

50:51🔗 Adam And this is your third child?

50:53🔗 Caller No, my first.

50:54🔗 Adam First child. And you were impregnated by your brother's friend?

51:00🔗 Drew No.

51:00🔗 Adam Or your girlfriend's brother? I'm sorry.

51:03🔗 Drew But you mean girlfriend. You mean girlfriend.

51:06🔗 Adam You mean a friend of yours?

51:07🔗 Caller No.

51:09🔗 Adam You mean your lesbian partner's brother?

51:11🔗 Caller Yeah.

51:12🔗 Adam Oh, well, how did that happen?

51:14🔗 Caller I was at her house for a party and I got wasted and it just kind of ended up that way.

51:21🔗 Adam How old is her brother?

51:23🔗 Caller Seventeen, I think.

51:24🔗 Adam I see. And when did you find out you were a lesbian? Wait a minute. How can you be a lesbian? Did he rape you?

51:32🔗 Caller No.

51:33🔗 Adam No. Oh.

51:33🔗 Caller I was just really wasted.

51:35🔗 Adam Are you bisexual then?

51:38🔗 Caller I don't know. I'm not sure.

51:39🔗 Adam I see. And what happened to you? Did somebody monkey with you growing up?

51:44🔗 Drew Of course.

51:44🔗 Caller No.

51:45🔗 Adam Oh, come on.

51:47🔗 Caller God, when I was 14, I was watching Police Academy films all the time. I never went to any wild parties or people did stuff like that.

51:53🔗 Drew Finally progressed to Porky's.

51:55🔗 Adam Thank you. Seriously, where's your dad?

51:59🔗 Caller He's, I live with my sister.

52:01🔗 Adam Oh, okay. That explains it.

52:03🔗 Caller By the way, my name isn't really Sue.

52:05🔗 Adam Okay.

52:05🔗 Caller That's hard to believe.

52:06🔗 Drew Well, we were all wrong about this one.

52:08🔗 Adam Yeah.

52:09🔗 Caller Your person said that to go by that because she couldn't pronounce my name.

52:13🔗 Adam Oh, okay.

52:13🔗 Caller Well, you don't have to.

52:14🔗 Adam What is your name?

52:15🔗 Drew Alanka.

52:16🔗 Adam Alanka?

52:17🔗 Caller Yeah.

52:17🔗 Adam All right. I'll call you Alanka.

52:19🔗 Drew Alanka, look, where are your parents?

52:21🔗 Caller They're downstate.

52:24🔗 Drew Why?

52:24🔗 Caller Because my dad's a minister, and I wanted to stay in the same schools, and I got transferred.

52:29🔗 Adam What about your mom? She's with him?

52:32🔗 Caller Yeah.

52:32🔗 Adam How often do you see him?

52:34🔗 Caller Every weekend, mostly.

52:36🔗 Caller You guys aren't Calvinists, are you?

52:38🔗 Caller What?

52:39🔗 Caller See, I thought maybe the whole predestination thing might make it easier on the parents.

52:42🔗 Adam You're way over the heads of our listeners, Chris. I'm sorry. So Alanka.

52:47🔗 Caller Yeah.

52:47🔗 Adam The hell kind of minister's daughter's name is Alanka, by the way.

52:51🔗 Caller I have no idea.

52:53🔗 Adam All right. Is your dad a good guy?

52:57🔗 Caller Yes, very.

52:58🔗 Adam What happened to you? Why all the confusion?

53:02🔗 Caller I don't know. It's just, I'm not sure.

53:06🔗 Caller Was this your first time?

53:09🔗 Caller Yeah.

53:09🔗 Adam It was?

53:10🔗 Caller Yes.

53:11🔗 Drew All right. Having sex with a male?

53:12🔗 Adam Yeah. How long have you been having sex with women?

53:17🔗 Caller Close to a year.

53:18🔗 Adam I see. How's your sister? Is she all right?

53:21🔗 Caller Yeah, she's fine.

53:22🔗 Drew How old is she?

53:23🔗 Caller She's 21.

53:25🔗 Adam All right. What are you going to do with this pregnancy?

53:29🔗 Caller I'm going to have the kid.

53:31🔗 Caller You are?

53:32🔗 Adam How come?

53:35🔗 Caller I don't believe in abortion.

53:37🔗 Adam That's my favorite answer.

53:38🔗 Drew You're going to give it up for adoption?

53:39🔗 Adam Praise 14-year-old lesbian. And then what are you going to do? Yes, you're going to sell it, give it up for adoption. What are you going to do?

53:46🔗 Caller No, I'm going to have it live here with me and my sister and her kid.

53:51🔗 Adam Oh.

53:51🔗 Drew Her kid. How old was she when she had her kid? 16?

53:56🔗 Adam Let me take a wild guess. The father of that child is not around?

54:00🔗 Caller No.

54:01🔗 Drew He was four years older at the time. He was about 20.

54:04🔗 Caller Right now, though.

54:05🔗 Adam He is.

54:07🔗 Caller She is.

54:07🔗 Adam She's remarried.

54:08🔗 Caller Yeah.

54:09🔗 Adam All right. I don't trust that guy, by the way.

54:11🔗 Drew What went on in your... Something awful went on in your household. I guarantee you. I guarantee you. First of all, letting the 13-year-old and the 20-year-old to live together as far away from home is bizarre.

54:23🔗 Caller Because I wanted to stay in the same school.

54:25🔗 Drew I understand you're reasoning for it, but it's bizarre.

54:27🔗 Adam Well, Drew, he's spreading the good word.

54:29🔗 Drew And I wonder if it's illegal even. But be that as it may, there's obviously something really serious happened to you guys growing up. I don't know if it was in the home or nearby or what. What kind of neighborhood did you grow up in?

54:40🔗 Caller In a very small town, very nice.

54:43🔗 Adam I see.

54:44🔗 Drew What happened?

54:45🔗 Caller Nothing.

54:47🔗 Adam Well, how did you get so screwed up? I know it sounds like a trick question.

54:52🔗 Caller Isn't it possible that just not having any real parental structure might have just-

54:56🔗 Drew Sure. Yeah. But usually what happens then is then they fall victim to somebody in the neighborhood who takes full advantage of them. And they start doing drugs and alcohol and that sort of thing and get more involved in things that are really abusive and exploitative.

55:07🔗 Adam All right.

55:08🔗 Drew But with her, with Sue, it sounds like it started around age six to eight.

55:11🔗 Adam Well.

55:12🔗 Drew Were you ever paddled by your parents? They ever hit you or anything?

55:14🔗 Caller No. They've never even yelled at me.

55:16🔗 Adam Fine. Alanka? I'm done guessing, by the way. Why don't you give this child up for adoption so they can have a chance of not turning out like you or your sister? Can you do that?

55:28🔗 Caller Okay. And the question actually was, how do I break it to my parents and my girlfriend?

55:33🔗 Adam Well, what do you need to tell your parents for?

55:34🔗 Caller I'd worry more about the parents and the girlfriend.

55:37🔗 Caller Yeah. And they just found out about a week ago that I was lesbian. So I break it that I'm pregnant.

55:43🔗 Adam How do they find out about that?

55:45🔗 Caller Well, they kind of walked in at me. I was down at their house.

55:49🔗 Adam Oh, I see. So you're getting it on in the living room and they came home from church?

55:54🔗 Drew How do they take that? What do they do with that information?

55:56🔗 Caller Um, they're very worried, very upset.

55:59🔗 Adam All right.

56:01🔗 Caller How about the initial shock approach? I'm addicted to heroin.

56:04🔗 Adam You are?

56:04🔗 Caller No, I'm kidding. I'm just pregnant.

56:06🔗 Adam Yeah, that's good. Unless you have two evils.

56:08🔗 Drew What are they worried about?

56:11🔗 Caller I don't know.

56:12🔗 Drew Well, you said they're very worried. What are they worried about? You're going to go to hell or something?

56:16🔗 Caller Yeah.

56:17🔗 Drew That's what they're worried about.

56:18🔗 Adam But didn't you kind of want them to find out if you went down to their house and got it on with your girlfriend when they came home?

56:25🔗 Caller I guess, yeah.

56:27🔗 Drew See, this is what we're trying to get is you're not even there. It's like Sue's not there.

56:32🔗 Adam Right.

56:32🔗 Drew You can't talk to her about what's motivating her or where she's been, what's happened to her because she ain't there.

56:37🔗 Caller A friend of mine, when I was in high school, had a girlfriend whose father was, I don't know if he was a minister or just staunchly, staunchly religious, so strict that she was just completely deviant. Completely rebellious, completely deviant and trampy.

56:52🔗 Adam That's why I'm going to worship Satan whenever I have children.

56:56🔗 Drew But that is a response not to his religious structure as conservatism, but the aggression and intrusiveness with which that is applied.

57:03🔗 Adam We all know something's up because she claims her parents are great, and she loves them and everything's fine, but yet she made sure that they found-

57:12🔗 Drew Yes, made sure they found out she lives way far away at the age of 14. And when they found out she was lesbian, their reaction was to get worried that she might go to hell because of her behavior.

57:21🔗 Adam All right. Well, those were words you put in her mouth. But the point is, is she's angry at her parents or she wouldn't have let them find out about the lesbianism. I mean, think about it for a second. If you really don't want your parents to find out something, do you go over to their house, disrobe with your girlfriend and get it on?

57:36🔗 Caller Especially when you don't live there. Especially when you don't live there.

57:38🔗 Adam Right. Yeah.

57:39🔗 Drew Like she couldn't just limit it to her own independent household where she lives.

57:43🔗 Adam All right. This is a mess.

57:45🔗 Caller New York is making you aggressive, Drew.

57:47🔗 Adam I really, yes, Drew, calm down. I don't know if it's all the horns honking or the rude taxi drivers, but you're really spinning out of control. Here's what I want to say. She needs to give this kid up for adoption. Absolutely. 100%. And there really should be laws against 14 year olds who don't have parents themselves raising their own kids and screwing them up. I pray she has a daughter so that she can be a stripper, not a son so that he can be a murderer. Gina.

58:15🔗 Caller Yes.

58:16🔗 Adam You're 20.

58:16🔗 Caller Yes.

58:17🔗 Adam What is that?

58:18🔗 Caller My question is actually for Dr. Drew. I've noticed that I have these little red bumps on the surface of my vagina. And I had one and it went away after some time. And then now like three more have come up. And they almost look like little blisters, but I mean I'm pretty monogamous with my boyfriend. He's monogamous with me.

58:46🔗 Drew Are they on the skin or are they on the sort of the lip surface?

58:49🔗 Caller No, no, no. They're like on the skin.

58:52🔗 Drew The skin. And they're in the pubic area?

58:54🔗 Caller Yes.

58:54🔗 Drew And they're red. Do they have little white sort of tops on them?

58:57🔗 Caller Sort of, yeah.

58:58🔗 Adam Just during the winter?

58:59🔗 Caller It sounds like ingrown hairs.

59:01🔗 Drew If you scrape them off, does anything come off?

59:03🔗 Caller Well, I mean, I don't really want to pick at them.

59:07🔗 Drew Have you though?

59:07🔗 Caller Bleed.

59:09🔗 Drew Is that what they do if you pick at them?

59:10🔗 Caller Mm-hmm.

59:11🔗 Drew They bleed? Did something scrape off them when you picked at them?

59:16🔗 Caller Not really. I mean, it's kind of like picking at a blister.

59:22🔗 Adam That sounds like herpes.

59:24🔗 Drew No, no. Does it hurt or burn?

59:25🔗 Caller No.

59:26🔗 Adam Hey, Drew, she said it felt like a blister.

59:29🔗 Drew It's molluscum contagiosum. I really think so.

59:33🔗 Adam Really?

59:34🔗 Drew Because it doesn't hurt. It's red. It's a red, little red, little, it's more like a vesicle than a blister, right? Like chicken pox.

59:41🔗 Caller Kind of, yeah.

59:42🔗 Drew Yeah.

59:42🔗 Adam Well, does she need to get checked out?

59:45🔗 Drew Yeah, to be sure.

59:46🔗 Caller In layman's terms, what is molluscum contagiosum?

59:49🔗 Drew It's a virus that causes things like what she's describing in the pubic area. It is. It's an extremely transmitted disease, but it's completely harmless. It usually goes away by itself. To get control over it, the doctors just scoop the tops off them. Little round, hard, white things sometimes come off the top.

1:00:06🔗 Caller Harmless except for the aesthetic thing.

1:00:09🔗 Caller Right. All right.

1:00:11🔗 Adam She needs to go talk to someone and find out exactly what it is. All right. Let's speak to John. John is 25. John?

1:00:19🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:00:20🔗 Adam What's up?

1:00:21🔗 Caller No much. How are you doing?

1:00:22🔗 Adam Good. What's your question?

1:00:26🔗 Caller My girlfriend and I have been going out for a while now, and we always talk rather sexually or provocatively while we're having sex, and we've been contemplating on having another person in our relationship.

1:00:42🔗 Drew We've been contemplating or you've been hammering her about that?

1:00:47🔗 Caller Probably the latter part of that.

1:00:50🔗 Adam Yeah. You've been bugging her about it.

1:00:53🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:00:53🔗 Adam All right. Yeah.

1:00:56🔗 Drew I love guys.

1:00:56🔗 Adam I know. We've been talking.

1:00:58🔗 Drew We came together, reached a conclusion that we'd love to have another third person.

1:01:01🔗 Caller Hey, let's do it with somebody else. I don't know if it, hey, we're talking about it. You don't know.

1:01:07🔗 Drew It's always the girl going, all right, all right, all right.

1:01:10🔗 Caller Okay.

1:01:10🔗 Adam John, how long have you two been going out?

1:01:15🔗 Caller I'm going to save a little and just throw the numbers off just because. I'll go short and say three.

1:01:20🔗 Adam Oh, Jesus. Why is everyone such an idiot on our show?

1:01:24🔗 Drew It's the Riddler.

1:01:25🔗 Adam Okay. So you say three so we can think four and a half.

1:01:29🔗 Drew Yeah, probably.

1:01:29🔗 Adam Thank you. Everything takes 20 minutes on this show.

1:01:33🔗 Caller Well, I've heard Drew talk about this subject time and time again.

1:01:36🔗 Adam And what would he say now?

1:01:40🔗 Caller I can't do it quite in Drew speak, but it would be something to the effect of once you have a threesome, your relationship is never the same and most often will end up in a breakup.

1:01:49🔗 Adam That's right. Thank you. And then my theory is, is if you're hankering for a threesome a few months into a new relationship, you're probably not as in love as you think you might be. I mean, think about it. Everyone closed their eyes. You've met the woman of your dreams. You've been going out for a scant three or four months, and you're thinking about weaving someone else into the sexual fabric. You're probably not that into her. So I agree with you and I agree with Drew. The relationship will be thrown off balance by this and will ultimately see its demise based on this. But I think its demise came when you decided to bring someone else in the bedroom. So I don't think it's a coincidence.

1:02:32🔗 Caller There's a great movie called Sex Monster, which is about a guy who convinces his girlfriend to get into a threesome, and then she starts having an affair with the woman.

1:02:40🔗 Adam Right. Oh, and that happens, that happens, too. But I think it's a guy's sort of unconscious effort to sabotage a relationship when he vies for the threesome.

1:02:50🔗 Caller You really give it that much credibility.

1:02:52🔗 Adam Well, no, I think what it is is you get in a relationship, it starts getting a little intense, it starts feeling... You start to feel a little serious and a little vulnerable, and you start to have feelings, and you go, I gotta screw this up. I gotta get out of this. But you don't think consciously, I gotta screw this up. You think, what if we got another chicken here, lo and behold, that screws things up, and you got your wish.

1:03:16🔗 Drew So rather than... The thinking usually goes along the lines of, it would be so much more fun. It would be so much more lively, so much more arousing.

1:03:24🔗 Caller Rather than delving into more serious emotional issues.

1:03:27🔗 Drew Well, rather than, I'm getting kind of uncomfortable, or the feeling sometimes is boredom, and those are the feelings people have when they don't want to have feelings.

1:03:35🔗 Caller So when those feelings arise, it's probably a sign that the relationship is not doing too well.

1:03:40🔗 Adam That is my point, and that's why I believe they end with the threesome, not because of the threesome, but because they decided to have the threesome. Rose?

1:03:50🔗 Caller Yes.

1:03:50🔗 Adam You're 23. What's up?

1:03:52🔗 Caller Well, I'm getting married in September, and I have been wanting to see my fiancé have sex with another female.

1:03:58🔗 Adam Well, if you catch him Friday nights between midnight and 4 a.m., he's usually doing that.

1:04:05🔗 Caller Just make sure all the wedding gifts have a return policy.

1:04:08🔗 Drew Normal, perfectly natural.

1:04:09🔗 Adam Perfectly healthy. Why is it that you want to do this? I'm not sure. All right. Well, most... Well, now, we were just talking about this theory, but I would guess that you probably don't want to get married, and you know this is going to screw things up, and it's a good excuse to get out.

1:04:27🔗 Drew Usually, when you have your first meeting with the clergy that's going to marry, he'll want to know that you've done this.

1:04:32🔗 Adam Right. Hey, Rose?

1:04:34🔗 Caller Yes?

1:04:35🔗 Adam Why? Any other unusual thoughts that you've had in the past about the gents?

1:04:41🔗 Caller No, it's just the thing that came up lately. I thought it would be kind of neat to just... I don't even want to join in. I just want to sit and watch them.

1:04:48🔗 Drew Here is what I would describe a little while ago. Neat, arousing, I won't be so bored. It's all about the feelings that lead to sabotage.

1:04:56🔗 Caller So you want him to reciprocate and go, and hey, honey, why don't you try it?

1:04:59🔗 Adam No, I don't think she does.

1:05:01🔗 Drew Do you? She just wants to end this thing.

1:05:03🔗 Caller I just want to watch.

1:05:04🔗 Adam I see. And whose idea was this?

1:05:06🔗 Caller It's mine.

1:05:07🔗 Adam It's yours. And have you brought it up to him?

1:05:10🔗 Caller Yeah, kind of.

1:05:11🔗 Caller If you want that third-person point of view feel, why not just buy a video camera and watch it on television? Watch you.

1:05:18🔗 Adam Yeah, you get that POV of a third person outside of this sexual engagement itself.

1:05:24🔗 Drew She wants to be pissed.

1:05:25🔗 Adam All right. Hey, Rose? Yes. Yeah. And what does he say to this?

1:05:31🔗 Caller He doesn't like the idea.

1:05:33🔗 Adam He doesn't.

1:05:34🔗 Drew See, that's where this came from.

1:05:36🔗 Adam Right. He's sort of healthy.

1:05:38🔗 Drew He's a nice guy.

1:05:39🔗 Adam And she don't like it.

1:05:40🔗 Caller How long have you guys been together?

1:05:42🔗 Caller A little over seven years.

1:05:43🔗 Drew Oh my God. Watch this. Is he different than your previous boyfriend?

1:05:49🔗 Caller Well, he's really the only steady boyfriend I've ever really had.

1:05:51🔗 Adam They've been together seven years.

1:05:53🔗 Drew No, but listen.

1:05:53🔗 Adam I've been dating once. She's doing before that.

1:05:55🔗 Drew Hey, listen. You just talked to a 14-year-old, right?

1:05:58🔗 Adam All right.

1:05:59🔗 Drew What kind of relationships were they like before him?

1:06:02🔗 Caller I didn't really have much relationships.

1:06:04🔗 Adam Hold on. Let me jump in here. Drew, you should know that whenever you attempt to make any sort of example, even a small or insignificant one, it always backfires in your doctoral face.

1:06:14🔗 Drew Yes. Yes. Go ahead. You do it then.

1:06:16🔗 Adam All right. Rose?

1:06:17🔗 Caller Yes.

1:06:17🔗 Adam Where's daddy?

1:06:19🔗 He's not around.

1:06:20🔗 Adam All right. What did he do before he left?

1:06:24🔗 Caller Well, him and my mom split up when I was seven and after that, he just never had anything to do with me.

1:06:29🔗 Adam And did he do anything bad before he left?

1:06:32🔗 Caller No.

1:06:33🔗 Adam No drinking, no beating on mom, nothing like that?

1:06:36🔗 No, actually, he was a pretty good husband.

1:06:38🔗 Adam He just-

1:06:38🔗 Drew Why did they break up?

1:06:39🔗 Caller Except for the leaving part.

1:06:40🔗 Caller My mom didn't love him anymore.

1:06:42🔗 Adam I see. And then why didn't he love you anymore after he broke up?

1:06:46🔗 Caller Because I think because he was angry at her and he took it.

1:06:49🔗 Adam Please. Well, that's perfectly normal, perfectly healthy. Hey, Rose, you must be pretty damn mad at your dad for abandoning you that way. Wouldn't you say?

1:06:58🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm pretty pissed.

1:07:00🔗 Adam All right. And whatever you feel toward your dad in general, I think you have a decent amount of anger toward men overall. And I think you want to sabotage this just like we were talking about before. I'm not sure if you want to get married. I think you want to see your husband in this act with another woman and I think you want a reason to get angry. You don't have any kids, do you?

1:07:21🔗 Caller No.

1:07:21🔗 Adam Good. Please don't have any kids.

1:07:25🔗 Caller I don't want any for a long time.

1:07:26🔗 Adam Good. That's right.

1:07:28🔗 Drew There's your healthiest impulse right there.

1:07:30🔗 Adam All right. Do not get married, get a little counseling, and do not carry on with this bizarre fantasy of yours. She's angry and she wants an excuse to vent it.

1:07:41🔗 Caller That complex web of psychosis is fascinating.

1:07:44🔗 Adam Oh my God. She is a mess. I'm telling you because women don't think like men. For a woman to have this thought, she's pretty whacked. Meaning, here's what I want to say. We talk to guys all the time that haven't seen, just like Rose's dad, their daughter, since they were five or six or seven. And that's bad. That's not a great guy. But you know what? It doesn't mean he's completely whacked. You show me a woman who hasn't seen their son or daughter since they were five or six. A mother? That woman is whacked. Because there's a biology working here. And this is like the opposite with sex. This is Rose doing this. This is whacked.

1:08:21🔗 Caller I'm nodding in blind agreeance.

1:08:22🔗 Adam Thank you. Brian?

1:08:24🔗 Caller Yes. Hi. I had a question for Dr. Drew.

1:08:27🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:08:28🔗 Caller Okay. Have you ever heard of the Boston Medical Health Group?

1:08:32🔗 Drew I don't live in Boston.

1:08:34🔗 Caller Oh, no, you don't have to live in Boston. They have it over here in Orange County. Matter of fact, there's one in Costa Mesa.

1:08:39🔗 Drew All right. What are they?

1:08:40🔗 Caller My question is, it's for penile enlargement and pre-ejaculation. I went there for pre-ejaculation, and they gave me a shot, and I was wondering if it was supposed to keep me hard, and then they were supposed to follow up with a scuck and expensive dosage. It's like $900 for six months of dosages, ten times a month.

1:09:05🔗 Caller It's in the back of a trailer with a cardboard sign.

1:09:10🔗 Drew Is this a papavrine or something you inject into the penis?

1:09:12🔗 Caller Yes, injected into the base. Yeah. And then, it got me like a hard one, but not fully erect. They said it's not supposed to. But I was pretty much wondering if that's bad for you in the long run.

1:09:24🔗 Drew Well, there can be from... I'm surprised. I'm shocked, in fact, they would give that to a 21-year-old, unless you have a spinal injury or a diabetic or something.

1:09:33🔗 Caller No, just, I mean, they said that that's normal for me for whatever. Yeah, I'm 21 years old, and I guess you could say a hair trigger real fast.

1:09:44🔗 Adam All right, but hold on, Brian, there's one thing I'm a little confused about. You have a premature orgasm when you're with a woman, right?

1:09:53🔗 Caller Right.

1:09:53🔗 Adam But what does that have to do with your erection?

1:09:55🔗 Drew He wants to keep it going after he's ejaculated.

1:09:58🔗 Caller So it's kind of like walking with bare feet, your feet start to give out calluses or whatever, you get used to it.

1:10:03🔗 Adam I see, so hold on. Good metaphor. Let me just make this, let me just make sure we're on the same page. So you have sex with a woman, you have your usual premature ejaculation, and then you give yourself the injection?

1:10:15🔗 Caller No, it's before and it's supposed to be like I might, It just keeps them going. faster than fast still, but at least I'm staying hard.

1:10:23🔗 Adam You don't lose your erection.

1:10:24🔗 Drew Well, there's two things. Brian, those repeated injections can cause scarring of the penis at 21. That's why I'm concerned about them giving you this treatment at your young age.

1:10:33🔗 Caller Yes.

1:10:33🔗 Drew Over the long term, it could be a significant deal. Adam, remember I brought in that mock up of a penis to practice injection on?

1:10:40🔗 Adam Mock up? I thought that was a jumbo novelty size penis you'd brought in.

1:10:45🔗 Drew Remember?

1:10:45🔗 Adam Yeah. It was like a lucite penis.

1:10:48🔗 Drew No. It was like a rubber one.

1:10:49🔗 Adam Well, it was rubber, but it was transparent.

1:10:51🔗 Caller When you're a doctor, you can play everything off as it's medical.

1:10:53🔗 Adam Yes.

1:10:54🔗 Caller That's great.

1:10:55🔗 Adam It had a big crank on the end of it, and it was black, and it had two heads, and Drew said it was part of his research.

1:11:02🔗 Drew It's what we give people to help them learn how to do these injections.

1:11:05🔗 Adam Right. So did you get one of those rubber penises, Brian?

1:11:09🔗 Caller No, I didn't get a rubber penises.

1:11:10🔗 Adam Maybe you could have saved some money and just got...

1:11:12🔗 Caller Because for 900 bucks, you should get a box of rubber penises.

1:11:15🔗 Adam Yeah. You should get some bronze balls, too.

1:11:20🔗 Caller I didn't buy it. I didn't buy the dosage because I don't have that kind of money in front of the front. It cost me $150 for the exam itself.

1:11:27🔗 Caller Oh, wow.

1:11:28🔗 Caller And it did leave a little bruise, and they said that's kind of normal where they inject.

1:11:33🔗 Drew That's why, again, it's the scarring that's the biggest concern. The newer injectables are pretty safe. They're basically sort of anti-inflammatory.

1:11:40🔗 Adam All right, well, here's the deal. You're 21 years old. You're having a little premature ejaculation problem. Couldn't you just do some Tai Chi and biofeedback or something and work this out without the drugs and the injections?

1:11:52🔗 Caller I don't know. I mean, if you can, Dr. Drew, if you could tell me what I could do, maybe like a herb or something, I don't know if it'll last longer.

1:12:00🔗 Adam What could he do, Drew?

1:12:01🔗 Drew Adam, we normally give the same advice, so go ahead.

1:12:04🔗 Adam Oh, I see. Put the poster of the Hey Vern guy on the ceiling.

1:12:11🔗 Caller Oh, come on. He's not alive anymore.

1:12:13🔗 Adam That's right.

1:12:13🔗 Caller That joke is not funny now. That's terrible.

1:12:16🔗 Adam Yeah, but it'll be good. That's right. I forgot. Well, that'll add another 10 minutes knowing he's in the ground. Okay. Ernest goes to hell, as my partner Jimmy says. Next thing you can do is masturbate and remove a bullet from the chamber so that the gun does not go off so quickly or at least when it's in the hole, sir.

1:12:37🔗 Drew Work it out with your partner.

1:12:38🔗 Adam That's right.

1:12:39🔗 Drew Really, really find... It's about... It's a combo event. It's not a necessarily event that happens just to Brian. Why don't we just... Just out of curiosity, let's hear how long he goes before he ejaculates.

1:12:49🔗 Adam Oh my God. This is going to get scary. Brian?

1:12:52🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:12:53🔗 Adam How long do you go before ejaculation?

1:12:55🔗 Caller Quick. I mean, it doesn't even last a minute sometimes, you know? I mean, it's real quick. Sometimes like 30 seconds, you know?

1:13:02🔗 Caller Drew, isn't there any kind of like numbing gel or something you can?

1:13:04🔗 Adam Yeah. Couldn't you rub some coke on it when it would be cheaper?

1:13:07🔗 Drew There are serotonin reuptake inhibitor medication, the Prozax and the Spaxil and things can delay ejaculation.

1:13:13🔗 Adam Who should he speak to about this beside the Boston Clinic?

1:13:17🔗 Drew I would, well, yeah. It seems to me he's sort of running amok in the system. He needs a good general practitioner to help him sort of understand what is not appropriate management of this sort of thing. I would think if he's really going to be aggressive about this, he'd also have a psychiatrist who specializes in this area.

1:13:34🔗 Adam All right. When you say this area, you mean the groin.

1:13:38🔗 Drew Sexual dysfunction.

1:13:39🔗 Adam We will take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we're going to speak to...

1:13:45🔗 Drew How about line one?

1:13:47🔗 Adam Line one will speak to Joe thinks a sperm comes out when he pees. We'll get to the bottom of Joe's problem after this.

1:13:58🔗 Caller The band of Carole and Dr. Drew will be right back before you know it.

1:14:33🔗 Adam It is The Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Tomorrow our guest is 311. Tonight our guest is our old friend, Chris Hardwick. Chris is in a movie called Art House, which is, which can be found at Hollywood Video. I am also in this movie.

1:14:53🔗 Caller A brilliant performance.

1:14:54🔗 Adam Between the two of us.

1:14:56🔗 Caller We're gonna get an award for something.

1:14:57🔗 Adam Actually, I think I heard I sucked. But the point is, is if I can do it, anyone can do it. There you go. That's from my motivational tape series called Napping and Jacking Off to a Better You.

1:15:09🔗 Caller I was gonna say Jerking to a Better You, but that's a much better title.

1:15:12🔗 Adam Thank you.

1:15:13🔗 Caller See, I could never take it. You know, boy, when I used to host the show, I just could never feel, you're just much funnier than I am. It kills me.

1:15:20🔗 Adam Well, that's true. No, that is not true.

1:15:22🔗 Caller It's entirely true.

1:15:24🔗 Adam Well, it's all right. Chris is an actor now.

1:15:27🔗 Caller People call in and go, you suck, when's Corolla coming back? I'm like, leave me alone. Weep, weep, you know.

1:15:32🔗 Adam Those guys called? Good, I had them.

1:15:35🔗 Drew That was Adam calling Chris.

1:15:36🔗 Adam He was calling with my fake teenage angst voice. That's good. Chris ran out to his car and grabbed a flyer because he forgot he was in a play, which is coming up next week.

1:15:47🔗 Caller It's all about plugging, really. Just blind plugging. I'm not even going to segue into it or pretend, you know. Yeah, it's a play at the HBO workspace at the Melrose Theater next Wednesday and Thursday.

1:15:57🔗 Adam And what is it called?

1:15:58🔗 Caller It's called Tales of Obliquenik, directed by Mr. Phil Lamar.

1:16:02🔗 Adam Phil Lamar, we know, well, I know from The Groundlings. And you may know as the black guy from Mad TV. Although, is Phil still there?

1:16:13🔗 Caller I don't know if he is or not. I don't know what's going on with the show.

1:16:16🔗 Adam Well, the show's still there. I'm trying to think if Phil's still doing it. But anyway, I've known him for many years.

1:16:22🔗 Caller He's a talent. Very funny.

1:16:23🔗 Adam And he's now a director, so you should go catch Chris again. Plug it one more time, Chris.

1:16:29🔗 Caller Tales of a Bleaknik, Melrose Theatre, next Wednesday, next Thursday, 7:30 p.m. Joe. And go to drdrew.com.

1:16:38🔗 Adam Drew is a silky smooth.

1:16:40🔗 Drew Hang on a second, Joe. Hold on a minute. What was that, Chris?

1:16:43🔗 Caller And go to drdrew.com. As long as you throw his plugin in, everything's cool.

1:16:46🔗 Adam You know what I love about Drew? If he'd waited another.3 seconds, he could have made a nice smooth transition.

1:16:52🔗 Caller But he wanted us to know that we were inappropriately straying.

1:16:55🔗 Drew No, it wasn't about you, Chris. I know I've got to pick my opportunities and strike, because Adam, once he gets going, I'm not going to.

1:17:01🔗 Adam He's very passive aggressive. Joe?

1:17:04🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:17:05🔗 Caller I got two things.

1:17:06🔗 Caller First, the original question that you guys got. At first, I used to go to the bathroom. I'd go take a pee, and I couldn't finish, or I couldn't get to feel like I finished, all right?

1:17:21🔗 Adam Right.

1:17:21🔗 Caller And so a little while back, I started pushing it, trying to make myself feel fully relieved.

1:17:31🔗 Drew What do you mean pushing it?

1:17:32🔗 Adam He slapped himself on the ass.

1:17:34🔗 Caller I forced it mentally or willingly or whatever.

1:17:38🔗 Drew Restraining, straining to pee more.

1:17:41🔗 Caller There you go.

1:17:41🔗 Adam What do you think he meant, Drew?

1:17:42🔗 Drew Well, I wonder if he was doing something weird mechanically. Who knows what? All right, listen, Adam, think of our callers.

1:17:46🔗 Caller The piss.

1:17:48🔗 Adam All right.

1:17:49🔗 Caller OK, yeah, so I was straining it. So when I started straining it, this was at the school bathroom. So I strained it, and I look in, and it looks like sperm. That actually finally comes out at the end.

1:18:02🔗 Drew Are you sexually active?

1:18:04🔗 Caller Just lately, yes.

1:18:07🔗 Drew And does it hurt when you urinate?

1:18:11🔗 Caller Not really, no.

1:18:13🔗 Drew Adam, does it hurt when you urinate?

1:18:20🔗 Adam Uh, no.

1:18:21🔗 Drew No, okay. Yeah, Joe, when you have to go, do you feel like you have to go all of a sudden? Like you have to go badly when you have to go?

1:18:31🔗 Caller Well, sometimes. Hey.

1:18:34🔗 Drew These are very tricky questions.

1:18:36🔗 Adam Hey, Joe, you ever auction off livestock? $100. Do I hear huh? Okay.

1:18:48🔗 Caller Boy, how do you turn a urination topic into an auction? That's brilliant.

1:18:51🔗 Adam Thank you very much.

1:18:53🔗 Caller I'm almost definitely sure it's not a sexual disease because I've only been with one person. I'm the same person, the same Joe that called a while ago about his girlfriend and the erection problem.

1:19:02🔗 Adam That's right. Regular Joe.

1:19:06🔗 Drew You had Joe the erection problem before.

1:19:08🔗 Adam Hey, Drew, do you think there could be some sort of a prostate problem, maybe an infraction or something?

1:19:15🔗 Drew Yeah. I think what he thinks his sperm is probably pus. And I think this business of not feeling like he finished evacuating his bladder is part of the irritation of the urethra, and he probably has urgency and hesitancy and all the usual stuff. He really does need to be looked at for this.

1:19:28🔗 Adam So I had a friend of mine when I think he was like 18 or 19, he was pretty young, he got like a prostate infection, and it was the same stuff. And I don't know, he got on some antibiotics and cleared up. Yeah.

1:19:41🔗 Drew Prostate doesn't usually cause pus or discharge, though.

1:19:44🔗 Adam Well, what would it be then? You think it was a sexually transmitted?

1:19:47🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:19:48🔗 Adam You do?

1:19:50🔗 Drew Not going to cockle urethritis or something like that.

1:19:51🔗 Adam There you go. Got to get checked out. Marie?

1:19:56🔗 Caller Hi.

1:19:56🔗 Adam You're 23. What's up?

1:19:59🔗 Caller Okay. I don't know exactly.

1:20:00🔗 Caller This is going to sound so stupid.

1:20:02🔗 Caller I was in a bookstore reading a book on different kinds of psychological illnesses. And my boyfriend, he's always teasing me that I'm schizophrenic because I'm really, really sensitive and it doesn't take a lot to make me cry. Or I can watch a commercial on TV and cry.

1:20:21🔗 Drew That's called depression, Marie.

1:20:22🔗 Adam I do whenever I see that my 1-800-collect commercials. Very embarrassing.

1:20:27🔗 Drew Me too.

1:20:27🔗 Caller Why don't you just cry into your pile of money?

1:20:29🔗 Adam That's right, jerk. No, I wipe my ass with the pile of money.

1:20:33🔗 Caller Another hundy? Big deal.

1:20:34🔗 Adam Flush it. That's right.

1:20:36🔗 Drew Hey, Drew?

1:20:38🔗 Adam I'm a millionaire, literally. A millionaire. I told you that?

1:20:41🔗 Drew Literally.

1:20:41🔗 Adam All right. So, Marie? That doesn't sound like schizophrenia. It just sounds like...

1:20:47🔗 Drew Encyclothymia or depression.

1:20:49🔗 Caller Boy, you know what I can't stress enough to people is to not read medical encyclopedias, do not read... If you don't think anything's wrong with you, because you could probably pick about half the things in any medical dictionary and go, but this is me, I have this. It's such a bad thing.

1:21:03🔗 Adam It's really the equivalent to sitting down with a psychic and having the psychic go, let me guess, you're a very creative person?

1:21:10🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:21:11🔗 Adam And the job you have right now, that's not really fulfilling you creatively.

1:21:15🔗 Caller You're amazing.

1:21:16🔗 Adam Let me tell you, there's something else I think about you, Chris. There's a side of you that you show the world, then there's another side of you that other people don't know about.

1:21:25🔗 Caller You psychics are too good.

1:21:27🔗 Adam That's right. And obviously if you start reading about something and anything sounds close, you're going to believe that's you.

1:21:32🔗 Caller It just sounds like she's anxiety and probably sensitive.

1:21:35🔗 Drew I'll tell you, we really find like you have everything that's in the book is when you look at read about personality disorders. Then that that describes each and every one of us. You can apply any person to a person.

1:21:48🔗 Adam Well, listen, any of those tests as we've talked about many times, like, are you an alcoholic? Right. Have you ever gotten drunk and passed out? Yes. You ever vomited? You've gotten sick? Yeah. You feel a drink helps you loosen up a social situation.

1:22:01🔗 Caller Everyone takes a shot before breakfast. It's no big deal, right?

1:22:03🔗 Adam I put it right in my cereal. The point is, is you answer yes to 19 of the 22 questions, and then you read the back page and it says, if you'd answered yes to more than two questions. I mean, of course.

1:22:14🔗 Caller But Scientology can help.

1:22:16🔗 Adam That's right.

1:22:17🔗 Caller You see, and we experienced Drew's Personality Disorder not five minutes ago when he cut us off and yelled at us.

1:22:22🔗 Adam That's very true. All right, so what are we saying to Marie? She's fine?

1:22:26🔗 Drew She's fine. If she's depressed, well, she may be depressed, but she needs to get that evaluated, not go to medical textbooks and try to figure out what she has.

1:22:33🔗 Caller Schizophrenia is more like, people are following me.

1:22:36🔗 Drew Schizophrenia is a progressive disorder with hallucinations, visual auditory delusions.

1:22:43🔗 Adam Listen, if you're schizophrenic, you'll know it. I mean, you may not know it, but people around you will know it.

1:22:47🔗 Caller You shouldn't ask her if she's taking any drugs like speed. Who cares?

1:22:53🔗 Adam Drew's done helping, by the way. He was done about 18 months ago with that. Susie, there you go. See why he's done helping? Because the kids don't appreciate him. Julie, you're 16? What's up there, pumpkin head?

1:23:10🔗 Caller Well, the past four years, I know it's going to sound really dumb, but I've been with a lot of people and I can't get aroused, because I feel like my debt, I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I know I am because I'm young.

1:23:26🔗 Adam How many guys you've been with in the last four years?

1:23:29🔗 Caller Seven.

1:23:31🔗 Adam That's a decent vaginal clip, but not unheard of, especially in my life.

1:23:35🔗 Drew Good God, man. It's sort of more of a trot than a clip. Yeah. Julie, tell us more. Have these been good relationships? You feel good about what you've been doing?

1:23:48🔗 Caller A couple have been older guys, but they haven't... I mean, it was just me and him wanting to do that.

1:23:54🔗 Drew But has it been a positive experience, or are you starting to feel bad about yourself for engaging in all these relationships?

1:23:58🔗 Caller No, my friends, my friend, she's like, do you need to chill out on that? She's like, I miss your life, but you need to be careful.

1:24:06🔗 Adam How old are these guys, like the older guys?

1:24:08🔗 Caller One was 23, 22 now.

1:24:10🔗 Adam When you were how old?

1:24:12🔗 Caller 14 or 15.

1:24:14🔗 Caller Isn't that against the law?

1:24:15🔗 Adam True. You can take a red eye home and lock your daughter up.

1:24:20🔗 Drew Oh, God almighty.

1:24:21🔗 Adam As it is, she's being raised in one of those dog cages.

1:24:25🔗 Caller But it's so weird. I can't really explain it, but...

1:24:29🔗 Drew Here's what's interesting, Julie. Why do you need to use arousal mechanisms as a way of sort of feeling good and regulating?

1:24:38🔗 Caller When I was 106, my ex-boyfriend, Chris, he's the only one who could get me off and I had an orgasm with. The other guys are just like, Oh, my God.

1:24:43🔗 Caller Eww.

1:24:45🔗 Caller I think of my dad because my dad, it sounds so weird, but I can't get aroused and I can't get off on just...

1:24:54🔗 Drew Yeah, but why do you try then? If you have all this unresolved guilt about your dad and about identifying with males through your dad, why do you go there?

1:25:03🔗 Adam Where is your dad?

1:25:04🔗 Caller He's in the next room.

1:25:05🔗 Adam Oh, boy.

1:25:06🔗 Caller Yeah, I mean, my dad...

1:25:06🔗 Adam With a revolver at his temple. Actually, let me explain his position. He has a glass up against the wall and there's a left ear against that and then against his right ear is a Beretta. All right. Oh, for Christ's sake. There's something going on here.

1:25:24🔗 Drew Yeah, but it may not be out of control. I mean, she's an interesting little thing.

1:25:28🔗 Adam It's not wild out of control, but listen.

1:25:30🔗 Caller Seven partners at 16?

1:25:32🔗 Drew No, it's bad news what she's doing, but I think that she's gotten herself into a patty. I'm wondering if there's an addictive biology here operating that's really got the momentum going.

1:25:40🔗 Adam Don't you love guys though? If there's a horny 14-year-old out there, don't worry, there's a 23-year-old guys willing to climb right on top. No problem at all.

1:25:52🔗 Drew But it's interesting how people use arousal as a way of regulating their internal worlds. You can't get arousal, it doesn't work for her.

1:25:58🔗 Adam Julie, are you into drugs or booze or anything?

1:26:02🔗 Caller I used to be.

1:26:03🔗 Drew Yeah, see, here it is.

1:26:04🔗 Adam You got some ass going on.

1:26:06🔗 Caller Yeah, I mean, I used to do acid all the time. I mean, like...

1:26:10🔗 Drew Julie.

1:26:11🔗 Adam Hey, Julie, can you just slow down a little bit? You're 16.

1:26:15🔗 Caller Yeah, I know, I have an older sister.

1:26:17🔗 Adam Oh, okay. Well, if you have an older sister, double up on the drugs and see if you can't get some sailors to come by and rape you, okay? I didn't know you had an older sister.

1:26:26🔗 Drew But, Julie, this is addiction. You got addiction in your family, huh?

1:26:29🔗 Adam Oh, wait a minute. Julie?

1:26:31🔗 Drew Julie?

1:26:32🔗 Caller Huh?

1:26:33🔗 Drew You have addiction in your family, huh? Alcoholism.

1:26:35🔗 Caller No, not alcoholism.

1:26:37🔗 Caller Well, yeah, my dad drinks a lot and he'll, like, he'll bitch at me whenever, like, I don't...

1:26:42🔗 Drew Julie, this is the beginning of alcoholism.

1:26:44🔗 Adam Do a quick Loveline, do a little Loveline reenactment, yeah.

1:26:47🔗 Drew You have alcoholism in your family?

1:26:49🔗 Adam No, no, not alcoholism.

1:26:51🔗 Drew Or addiction, alcoholism?

1:26:52🔗 Adam No, no, not alcoholism. Uh, yeah, my dad will drink a lot.

1:26:55🔗 Caller My dad used to do a lot of coke and spank me with his penis, but it was not really addiction.

1:27:00🔗 Drew But that's the way people think about it. They can't be objective about their lives. Like, is there addiction? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, alcoholism? Yeah, that's us, yeah.

1:27:08🔗 Adam That's right.

1:27:09🔗 Drew But they just don't put it in that context.

1:27:11🔗 Caller Some Dawson's Creek writer just made a character out of Julie. We're gonna see it on the next season.

1:27:15🔗 Adam We will take ourselves a little break. When we come back, Drew?

1:27:19🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:27:19🔗 Adam Who will we speak to?

1:27:21🔗 Drew Ryan.

1:27:21🔗 Adam Ryan is 16 years old. Now that girlfriend took him back after cheating on her, he's bored. Let's know how not to hurt our friends. All right, we're all gonna yell at Ryan after this.

1:27:37🔗 Caller Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:28:10🔗 Adam Yeah, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That is Drew. Chris Hardwick is our guest tonight.

1:28:15🔗 Caller Yes.

1:28:15🔗 Adam Art House is the name of the film that he is in, and I'm also in this film, and you can find it exclusively at the Hollywood videos, and you may go rent it or buy it or do whatever you like to it. I have not seen it, but I give it my full endorsement because I'm in it, and so is Chris.

1:28:33🔗 Caller Spank a loved one with a copy of the tape.

1:28:35🔗 Adam Drew is actually the only one who's not in this film.

1:28:37🔗 Drew Also, Chris, thanks for inviting me, by the way, though.

1:28:40🔗 Adam Chris, handsome. I don't think he knew you at the time. Chris also is in a play coming up next week, Tuesday and Wednesday. Correct?

1:28:47🔗 Caller That's right.

1:28:48🔗 Adam Melrose.

1:28:48🔗 Drew Chris, have I known you longer than Adam has known you?

1:28:51🔗 Caller I think you have, actually, because the first time I did the show was when, actually, Ricky was still doing the show.

1:28:58🔗 Drew Yeah, thank you.

1:28:58🔗 Adam Oh, was there a little Jenny McCarthy problem? What? Didn't they send a car for her and she didn't come down? Who?

1:29:07🔗 Caller Oh, my God, I forgot about that.

1:29:08🔗 Adam Remember that girl Jenny McCarthy, Drew?

1:29:10🔗 Drew What?

1:29:11🔗 Adam She used to be on Singled Out with Chris?

1:29:13🔗 Drew Is she on with you, Chris?

1:29:14🔗 Caller Well, I realized that my persona completely upstaged her and I was on the cover of every... Oh, no, that wasn't me.

1:29:20🔗 Adam You didn't know she existed, but...

1:29:22🔗 Drew What happened to her?

1:29:23🔗 Adam She was a spunky little blonde. You remember her.

1:29:26🔗 Drew What happened to her? Where is she now?

1:29:27🔗 Caller She's doing movies now.

1:29:28🔗 Adam Doing movies.

1:29:29🔗 Caller She's doing movies now.

1:29:30🔗 Adam She's a big time, Drew. Come on. All right, and you want to hop back on the phones? Who are we going to speak to? Was it Ryan?

1:29:38🔗 Drew Ryan, yeah.

1:29:38🔗 Adam Ryan, you're 16.

1:29:39🔗 Caller What's up?

1:29:40🔗 Adam All right, so you cheated on your girlfriend. She found out.

1:29:44🔗 Caller What?

1:29:45🔗 Adam She found out.

1:29:47🔗 Caller No, I cheated on her about a month ago.

1:29:49🔗 Adam She found out.

1:29:51🔗 Caller I told her.

1:29:52🔗 Adam She found out. And why did you tell her?

1:29:57🔗 Caller Well, because we had been good friends before, and it was a messed up situation.

1:30:03🔗 Caller And you didn't want the cheating to ruin the friendship.

1:30:05🔗 Caller Yeah, because I knew I wouldn't be able to be friends with her afterwards if I didn't tell her.

1:30:09🔗 Caller There's some nobility in there somewhere.

1:30:11🔗 Adam No.

1:30:11🔗 Drew Ryan, this thinking is all twisted up.

1:30:14🔗 Adam The point is, OK, forget it. He wanted out of the relationship.

1:30:17🔗 Caller That's why I told her.

1:30:19🔗 Adam And then he got weird and insecure when she broke up and wanted to get back in. But now that he's back in, he's at the same place. Break up with me. But now you want back out again.

1:30:28🔗 Drew No, now he's bored.

1:30:30🔗 Adam So listen, Ryan, here's what you do. Now you break up and this time you mean it. You do it for good. That's it. You got to be a man now.

1:30:41🔗 Caller I don't know. It's like I just not see her enough or what.

1:30:45🔗 Adam But no, you didn't like her that much in the first place. You wouldn't have cheated and told her. You don't like her that much. You're not in love with her. You like her. You feel bad that she likes you and that you're hurting her. And that's why you have to break up with her. And not puppet her around by yanking on her strings, all right?

1:31:07🔗 Caller I'm like, see her afterwards. I don't want to like...

1:31:09🔗 Adam All right, then get married, you nimrod.

1:31:12🔗 Caller He probably respects her a lot less because she got back together with him.

1:31:15🔗 Adam Yeah. Oh, boy. Lee?

1:31:17🔗 Yeah.

1:31:17🔗 Adam You're 15.

1:31:18🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:31:19🔗 Adam Listen, don't call this show, ask for advice, and then argue with me. Not you, Lee. What's your problem?

1:31:24🔗 Caller Well, about a year, two years ago on Halloween, me and my mom were driving like two in the morning, and we got pulled over, and they found, like, I guess, Coke in her car, and I found out that she was addicted to Coke. And ever since then, she's been in, like, a rehab program, and she's relapsed twice now. I found out yesterday she relapsed for the second time.

1:31:46🔗 Drew Did you participate in the program? Did you go to the family sessions at all?

1:31:49🔗 Caller Well, there was no family session. Well, I went to NA with her, you know, I went to NA meetings.

1:31:54🔗 Drew Why did you go with her?

1:31:55🔗 Caller Well, because at first, I was very supportive and stuff.

1:31:58🔗 Drew Lee, that's not the way to support an addict. You support an addict by doing your own codependency recovery. You let them take care of their disease and you take care of your component of it. You go to Al-Anon. You go to Al-A-Teen in your case. You do not go to a meeting with them. That's none of your business.

1:32:15🔗 Adam Well.

1:32:15🔗 Drew They can't do their work. They can't, they, she can't stand up and talk about the weird ass she's been doing if her son's sitting right there. She does. She's gotta be.

1:32:22🔗 Adam Oh boy.

1:32:23🔗 Drew Lee, no.

1:32:23🔗 Adam Even worse.

1:32:24🔗 Drew Don't go to those meetings with her. Unless you're an addict also, even then you shouldn't go to the same meetings.

1:32:30🔗 Adam Listen, I wouldn't go to a carnival with my dad. It'd be too humiliating. I couldn't imagine going to a CA meeting.

1:32:37🔗 Drew You go to Alateen. That is your support for the, for an addict. That is your job. All right, well. If you want to help her.

1:32:43🔗 Caller But I found out she was, she had promised me, you know, that she wouldn't like to do it again.

1:32:48🔗 Adam Yeah. Lee, listen.

1:32:50🔗 Drew That's why you go to Alateen.

1:32:51🔗 Adam You got to go to Alateen, brother. I'm sorry for what she's doing to you. I'm sorry for what you have to go through. But your answers are at Alateen. Not, not, not.

1:32:58🔗 Drew Not controlling her.

1:32:59🔗 Adam The past and figuring out what she's doing. Oh, Jesus Christ. Could you imagine going to one of those places with your mom standing up and was like, yeah, I blew this Shriner last week just to get 30 bucks so I could get another hit of crack.

1:33:16🔗 Caller A Shriner. You couldn't do better. There you go.

1:33:20🔗 Adam Oh my God. What is that car ride like? You know, the car ride home after the CA meeting. That's got to be golden. That is a Kodak moment right there. Liv?

1:33:33🔗 Caller Hi.

1:33:33🔗 Adam You're 19. You want to know if a boy can fall in love with you in two weeks?

1:33:38🔗 Caller Right on. But first I want to say hi to Chris. Hi, Chris.

1:33:41🔗 Adam Wow. Hi. Drew, would you put the goddamn Torah down?

1:33:45🔗 Caller Pardon me?

1:33:46🔗 Adam Who's fumbling through all that paper back there?

1:33:49🔗 Caller Oh my gosh. I'm in the bathroom.

1:33:51🔗 Caller Oh, that's you.

1:33:52🔗 Adam Screwball.

1:33:53🔗 Caller Dr. Drew was reading Swank or something.

1:33:55🔗 Caller That's my hair. I don't know.

1:33:57🔗 Adam Listen, put teen people down and get on the phone.

1:34:00🔗 Caller I'm on the phone.

1:34:00🔗 Adam All right. You met a guy. He says he's in love. It's only been two weeks.

1:34:05🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:34:06🔗 Adam I believe him. How old is he?

1:34:08🔗 Drew These are the nice guys, the dependent guys.

1:34:10🔗 Caller Hold on. Listen, fellas. All of his roommates, he has two other roommates, and they're all really professional, and they're in sales. They're naturally, they know how to key in, they know how to listen. They have great listening skills.

1:34:27🔗 Adam Who cares? Speaking of great listening skills.

1:34:30🔗 Caller That was excellent.

1:34:31🔗 Adam Yeah. They know how to key in, they know how to listen. Oh, who cares? Listen, he says he loves you. It's been two weeks. Why don't you believe him? And listen, everybody, I hate to sound too jaded, but Chris, you'll back me up on this one. You get to fall in love an infinite amount of times in your life, so go ahead and use them up.

1:34:48🔗 Caller Over and over and over.

1:34:49🔗 Adam So just go ahead and throw it out.

1:34:51🔗 Caller Love just comes prancing through the door.

1:34:53🔗 Adam Well, I mean, you get to say I love you to as many people as you feel like saying it to, so go right ahead.

1:34:58🔗 Caller I love you.

1:34:58🔗 Adam We'll be back after this. I love you, brother.

1:35:05🔗 Caller We'll be right back with more Love Line.

1:35:44🔗 Adam It's the Loveline. All right, that is it, kiddies. I want to thank Chris Hardwick for coming in here.

1:35:49🔗 Caller Thank you for having me back on.

1:35:50🔗 Adam Old friend, always good to see. And tell everyone to, I'd like to tell everyone at least go out to a Hollywood video in Rent Art House.

1:35:58🔗 Caller The Adam Corolla film.

1:35:59🔗 Adam That is right.

1:35:59🔗 Drew I got to see that.

1:36:01🔗 Adam Well, Drew, I have two copies here and I'll give one to you tomorrow night. We'll see you in here with 311, okay?

1:36:06🔗 Drew All right.

1:36:06🔗 Adam All righty. And until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:36:11🔗 Caller Back off, Hardwick.

1:36:12🔗 Adam You're way out of line, buddy. Well, now.

1:36:16🔗 Caller This has been Loveline. The stuff expressed on Loveline is not necessarily the stuff of the staff, management, sponsors, or anyone else, including Westwood One Entertainment. Loveline is produced by Ann Wilkins Engold. Now, please enjoy these birds.

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