Monday, March 13, 2000

0:02🔗 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

0:14🔗 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

0:16🔗 Voiceover Loveline.

0:18🔗 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Facts number 310-8-5-4-44-55. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Tonight, our guest is Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. He is the author of Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments and Kosher Sex. He was on this show, I think he was here last night. It wasn't that long ago that he was on the show. We rarely have this kind of turnaround. Normally, the fastest a guest will be on this show is once a year, maybe nine months or eight months or something like that. The Rabbi was on the show, seemed like two, two and a half months ago. I had a great time with him. I found him interesting and provocative. Drew, who really wanted to speak to the Rabbi, was not in town. What a surprise, doing some other work while he was on the company dime. But he's in town this time and ironically enough, working on something else while the Rabbi is here. Close the goddamn computer, Drew, please. So, Rabbi, good to see you. Good to have you back.

1:28🔗 Drew It's great to see you. And I was just reminding you when we just came into the studio here that all those lines you fed me that night, they've like occupied a permanent place in my psyche.

1:38🔗 Adam The Jews have a good ear for witticisms. That's what I like about them.

1:43🔗 Drew But with our kind of history, man, you got to learn to laugh. How could we have survived if we couldn't see the lighter side of all that?

1:51🔗 Adam It is a great religion and culture for storytelling and laughing. And my grandfather was a Hungarian Jew. And between the Jew and the Hungarian part, that was it.

2:04🔗 Shmuley Boteach That's where you got your humor.

2:05🔗 Adam Stories went on. I'm not related to them, though.

2:07🔗 Shmuley Boteach Oh, that's true. Well, you just, you absorbed it.

2:10🔗 Adam My biological grandfather was an alcoholic, short or a coke-a-bee. My grandmother, it was probably...

2:15🔗 Shmuley Boteach You absorbed that too strangely...

2:16🔗 Adam .killed by the police, but for the, you know, fifth grade education who...

2:20🔗 Drew But this grandfather, did it at least make you feel really guilty? Did that stay with you?

2:23🔗 Adam Yeah. He, he, he, you know, he... Drew, I'm gonna, I'm gonna dump my coffee on that thing. I swear to Christ. Would you slam that thing shut, please? Well, shut it and put it under...

2:32🔗 Drew A man's laptop is like, is like a mistress, you know? You have to, you have an affair with it.

2:37🔗 Adam Yeah.

2:37🔗 Drew It's the ultimate distraction.

2:38🔗 Adam My, my grandfather would do... Here, here was the Jewish kind of thing that my grandfather would do. I'd, you know, I'd go over, I'd visit him, I'd hang out for a couple hours, then I'd say, okay, grandpa, well, I gotta be leaving now, so I'm gonna go. And he'd go, you're leaving? And you'd go, see, they make you say it again. The Jews make you say everything twice. Yes, I have to leave. So you're going to go? Yeah. Okay, I'm staying.

3:06🔗 Drew Let me say, he probably said something like, it's okay, go, go. I'll stay here, be all by myself. I'll probably die after you leave. And then only my rotting corpse will be sniffed one day by a neighbor. But go.

3:18🔗 Adam Yeah, you go enjoy. I have some stale graham crackers that should keep me alive until you come again. But enjoy your young. Yeah, he was great. The rabbi, I want to say this, the rabbi Shmuley, I went and did something for The Man Show last week where I went into a synagogue and with some real serious orthodox Jews, I mean, heavy Judy, I would call these guys. I mean, these guys were the Jewish of all Jews. They were Jew outside, Jew inside. And these guys, first off, I'm starting to think this is serious study of religion is really an excuse not to work because it was Tuesday. It was about 11 a.m. And all these guys were just piled into this Jewish clubhouse, just hanging out, eating and hanging out.

4:09🔗 Drew Work is a four-letter word. We Jews don't use profanity.

4:13🔗 Adam They had this thing they strapped me up to, this box that went on my head. I didn't know the Jews wore anything but the yarmulke on the head.

4:21🔗 Shmuley Boteach Adam, the Scientologist got to hold you.

4:24🔗 Adam I swear it was a box they put on my head and then they wrapped the thing around my arm.

4:30🔗 Drew They wrapped leather around your arm.

4:31🔗 Adam Right.

4:32🔗 Drew Very, very erotic thing. This is like, maybe they liked you. Maybe they were attracted to you. No, actually, it's called to fill in and it's special parchment from scripture are contained in those leather boxes and the idea is it sort of facilitates the integration of the mind and the heart.

4:47🔗 Adam You know what it really is? It's not to fill in. It's to kill in time. This thing takes about an hour and forty-five.

4:53🔗 Shmuley Boteach To fill in time.

4:53🔗 Adam Fill time. This thing, this is going to take about an hour and a half to put on, maybe another couple hours to take off. That should kill the better part of the day.

5:00🔗 Drew Did they know that you weren't Jewish?

5:02🔗 Adam Well, I told them. It was funny.

5:06🔗 Drew They sort of like had you totally in prison in this leather before you could say, well, I'm not exactly an MOT member of the tribe.

5:14🔗 Adam They sort of made me an honorary Jew because they said...

5:17🔗 Drew You told them you were circumcised.

5:18🔗 Adam I said, no, I said, my mother, they said, well, what is your last name? I said, Corolla. They said, that's not Jewish. I said, yeah, but my mother's Jewish. And they said, yeah, what's her last name? Her last, her maiden name's McCall. I paused for a good 10 count and went... Just kidding. Wittenberg. They went, all right, you're in. Strap them up to the box. And they put that to fill in box on my head. And it was great. We noshed. It was a wonderful thing. A lot of those guys need a shower and a shave though. I got some news for you. You've hung around with those guys, right? They could use a shower and a shave. Am I right?

5:57🔗 Drew Yeah, but a lot of these guys shave, they put on their aftershave with names like Seven Nights in the Stable and they don't smell much better either. So some of this artificial scent is even worse than the real thing.

6:10🔗 Adam It's tough. It's a tough religion hygienically.

6:13🔗 Drew You remember that famous line from Napoleon getting to the whole sexual thing straight away about where he writes to Josephine, I'll be home in three days. Don't bathe. People were once more very sensual when it came to love making. They actually liked the natural scent. Today we think it's disgusting. But there was a time when people actually saw it as an aphrodisiac.

6:30🔗 Adam Yeah, but these guys got a letter from Napoleon that said, I'm going to be back in three years. Don't shave, shower or do anything.

6:38🔗 Drew Look, you know, I watch you guys on MTV all the time. Big fan of Dr. Drew. I'm really happy to be here. This is not patronizing. OK, we Jews don't patronize. We've been through too much for that. But so I'm on the show with Adam last time, Dr. Bruce, and the very first question is a 15 year old kid calls up and says, I'm having sex with my girlfriend and we're having oral sex and she has this terrible odor down there. That's my introduction to Loveline, right? So you know, that's an example. He thinks it's this terrible odor. What do you think a woman is? She's a Barbie doll that only smells a shrink wrap, for goodness sake? Is she only have some plasticky smell? What is wrong with the odor used to be a bit of an aphrodisiac? And these rabbis who you met, they're into that, man. The fact that you are a mayor, you suffer some sensual deprivation, don't take it out on the Jews. Would you rather we can smell from matzo ball soup or something? I mean, we can sort of put gefilte fish in there.

7:26🔗 Adam That I could handle. I'm telling you, it was a big, all they're missing is a big screen TV. That's all they needed for this thing to just be a clubhouse. All right, Drew, would you put away the computer?

7:38🔗 Shmuley Boteach Go ahead, come on, let's go. Seriously.

7:41🔗 Adam Listen here, Jack Hole, you're here to talk to the rabbi.

7:44🔗 Shmuley Boteach I can do two things at once. I know that Paul is doing something.

7:48🔗 Adam What have you done in the last 20 minutes on this damn show?

7:51🔗 Shmuley Boteach I know that bothers you.

7:52🔗 Adam You can't do two things at once. You know the two things you can do at once?

7:55🔗 Shmuley Boteach Yeah.

7:56🔗 Adam Work on the computer and lie to me about being able to do two things at once. Those are the two things you can do at once. You've sat here for the last nine minutes, you haven't said one syllable. One syllable. Is that doing your job? Is you sitting behind a microphone and not saying a goddamn word into doing your job? You're waiting for Rabbi to come on the show.

8:16🔗 Shmuley Boteach Excuse me, we're talking here.

8:17🔗 Adam Oh, he's talking now.

8:18🔗 Shmuley Boteach Normally, if I weren't looking at something else while he was talking and spoke up while he was talking, then they'd be held to pay for that. That's right. Oh, you're interrupting my genius. Oh my God. Oh my God. Drew. When I sit back and let you go, then that's no good either because you're distracted. I don't understand. Let's get on with things.

8:38🔗 Adam Okay, so what if I brought my computer in and I just worked on my website during the show?

8:45🔗 Shmuley Boteach If you could do two things at once, that'd be fine.

8:48🔗 Adam Well, it'd be fine. I wouldn't have to say anything. I'd be no talking, zero talking for the first 10 minutes of the show. Fine. Drew, you cannot do two things at once. You don't realize it. The guest that you were absent at last time because you're doing another one of your jobs other than this job is now here tonight so that you can be with him and you're working on a third job and ignoring the guest.

9:11🔗 Drew Everything today comes in the form of computer euphemism so you're having this video stream of consciousness here and Drew is actually he's processing information so I see nothing wrong with that he's about to turn it's I'm sure it's gonna be this don't make nice listen true do you know you have not said one word not one word in this show so far not one word no that was the first that was it you defending yourself is the first words that you uttered the entire show you're giving yes you're all you know all this is is Adam with all this unworked through mental guilt from his grandfather he's now sort of just passing straight on to you this is a Jewish guilt trip you are seeing this is the living embodiment of one this is the way I grew up I have all of us have and now he's just passing it on no no it is and this guy and Drew is calm like the Buddha is this is gonna bounce back like a rubber wall he's come he's dead like the Buddha that's what he is forget about calm he's in the ground like the Buddha let's talk to John put your computer shut the lid and talk to the rabbi yes he's here tonight he's your guest we're talking rabbi asked me to pull something up for him too by the way that's what we're doing I wanted to see Drew's website what he did after he ran in met you in the parking lot and told you if you want to see my website you want to see my website you want to see my website yeah all right is that what happened yes he was out there with a sandwich board actually with his website thing no I want to see the website I heard a lot of you look at it during the commercial John 14 hey what's up Dr. Drew and your site's pretty awesome Jesus hey what am I chopped liver everybody gets a wasp up and I just get totally ignored okay thank you no problem man so okay here's my question um I'm 14 and uh my girlfriend wants to give me war and I don't I don't know if I'm ready for it yet what's give you what well oral sex yeah you know if you're ready and that's what I'm asking I think when people don't know they're ready they're not ready I don't care apply that term I don't know I'm ready for X yeah it's like that and I read the person that walks in the Beverly Hills boutique and ask how much kind of thing and I say if you if you have to ask how much you can't afford it it's the same it's the same kind of thing yeah if you say I don't know if I'm ready to fill in the blank join the army I don't know if I'm ready to whatever it is you may not be ready on the other hand there's a point he's 14 it's different than just being anxious about it you have already all right but when let me let me ask you a question John is it yeah okay I can't monitor well John do you have any secrets real secrets what do you mean like I don't know your things that have happened in your life that like almost no one knows um no no okay are there any fears or anxieties in your heart that you've never shared with like almost anyone but your closest friends and your parents maybe yeah so we can get to it exactly thank you well the only question I'm gonna ask is you know have you revealed that kind of thing to your girlfriend in other words before you guys engage in this whole you know oral sex straight sex you know careen through the rafters in the ceiling sex have you also gotten emotionally naked you guys like trust each other do you yeah we just haven't like like we made out and stuff but we haven't like got this far hey rabbi yeah you're barking up the wrong tree these are foolish gentiles hey John yeah foolish gentile stolen foolish gentiles John okay listen you like your girlfriend you're you're you're not slow down slow down relax exactly that's no big deal all right it's like he feels ashamed that he's not ready yeah you know it's like hey come on rabbi what do you say we must have gotten into this last time you're here but what do you say we push the bar mitzvah age up to let's say 28 29 I think it's still too young still too young another one at 80 yeah what do you have at 80 well look what is the definition of that's true at 81 that you know about that from Kirk Douglas I think right he got all his attention for having a second bar mitzvah yeah you'll have a second bar mitzvah he did it just he did it just to get the presence and the checks you know we just always want to yeah and the check finally can go to college the stereo you can make stereo you know what is maturity the definition of maturity I don't know maybe I'll hear Drew comment on this definition of maturity is delayed gratification the ability to sort of a well yes we have we have taken that position we haven't called it maturity but we've sort of called it the the ultimate solution if you really want to know how to succeed in life just be able to delay things delay gratification yes the beauty of sex is that it's such such an overwhelming experience that you have to be mature enough to integrate it into your system as it were because that's what makes it fulfilling that's what makes it pleasurable when it overwhelms you to the point where you don't feel you feel swept away and you can't integrate it I think that you're left with all this unresolved stuff like the question we just heard but you know what the kids do and what the culture supports is just going from one to the next to the next you're gratified in the moment but the turmoil and the shame you're left with just it propels you to the next gratification right you become well I was very I didn't know actually until Adam said it you were an expert in addictive medicine because I think there's so many things about sex today are addictive like you just said we're addicted to the highs because we can't deal with the lows I mean even the emphasis on looks looks are everything today a sexuality is almost entirely visual experience we make love with our eyes and I think that even men do yeah especially women couldn't do that maybe well it would never happen if women did that we're winning a few over to our side hey Chris hello you're 30 what's up hey guys Dr. Chris that's like a nice Jewish name Chris what's up there Chris I have a question for you guys so bear with me here girl I just broke up with it she was a Jehovah's Witness actually she still is she kind of like a freak she was like really really into sex a whole lot but actually like sure she wasn't a guy what just kidding she was a sexual compulsive right she never enough never satisfied that and she liked you know the the sodomy bit she's still like being abused and everything and her parents physically abuse her a little bit I don't know yes she never get to open up about it where her parents Jehovah's Witness yeah she had to go do the whole you know traits around the neighborhood type stuff you know yeah God knows what she was peddling door to door all right so what's the question well okay I was listening to you Dr. Drew a couple nights ago you were like you know the women with the you know the pelvic pain during sex oh yeah and that's a common sign of sexual abuse although the the sort of a chronic pelvic pain society out there they'll tell you know it's not anything to do with it yet every case I've ever seen the psychosomatic or it's almost psychophysiologic what's that this religion bit I mean I'm not like you know bad mouthing religious Chris this is nothing to do with religion she has all the earmarks or signs of somebody that was physically and or sexually abused would never talk about it and then if you like treated this person nice she'd be like clothes off and Chris good you're broken up oh yeah well now I'm just trying to like understand things now but you know instead of instead of sort of like fathoming her her her mind did you ever ask her did you ever try to figure this out did you ever show her that kind of comfort and support so she would confide in you it was always like honey sweetheart dear you know let you know can we talk about this I see you're upset the more I did it she would like bite her lip and shake her foot and like you'd see steam coming out of it you see Chris you're confusing her pre-existing condition with this religion yeah the religion may have exacerbated things or confused things but she was messed up or messed with long before Jehovah stepped into her life yes I like to kick this Jehovah's ass who is this Jehovah well probably the reason a couple of good rabbis get the Irv Rubin over there to kick the ass out of out of Jehovah probably the reason Jehovah stepped into the parents life is because yeah what was going on there but let me let me explain why here's what I like about Judaism let me kiss the rabbi's hair covered ass for one second. How did you know that by the way?

17:26🔗 Adam I know that I'm looking at your face I can only guess what's going on on the poolie here's here's what I like about Jews nobody turns to Judaism. Nobody has to be doctors physicians like this I mean it's non-denominational rabbis the presidents whoever you talk about the hairy ass that's good here well listen I never say hairy ass but I know the Jews pack a lot of hair down there they're like the eidies I understand look if Adam has a certain you know a certain appreciation for it I'm not the one that's gonna argue with it look at you as a brethren the forget about the religion we're bonded by the hairy ass that is something bigger than God bigger than Jesus right Drew in your case thank you certainly more hair down there you were saying there's something you like about Jews besides our hairy derriere here's what I like about the Jews people do not become Jewish after they you know get high one too many times and kill a family member they don't find they don't find Judaism in prison they don't find it in a crack house you know all the people we speak to or the lion share the people we talk to are like born again Christian who became Jehovah's Witness it was after 10 years 10 years of abuse 10 years of beating the crap maybe they killed a few people they got strung out on heroin now magically they've discovered Jesus Christ because it's going to save their lives and I know I never believe him for a second it's just another addiction it's a better addiction than heroin but it's just another another place to take all that energy other than the therapist's office I like Judaism because I believe all the Jews that are in it except for the blonde chicks who I had to convert so that the guy's mom wouldn't kill himself when he married a second wife all but those all but those converts I believe and I like they're there because they want to be there that's a good point I mean the main thing is we Jews get to buy wholesale which is a pretty compelling argument. Who's going to find Judaism in prison? You know what I'm saying?

19:30🔗 Drew But Chris' point about how religion can lead to some sexual repression is a valid one because religion from time immemorial has taken this very dualistic approach whereby the body is disgusting and dirty and the soul is lofty and sublime and the dualistic approach would denigrate sex above all else because it's the most common of all activities. The Jewish model is a monistic approach. We don't divide the world into light and darkness, good and evil. The sex is an individual.

19:56🔗 Adam Mono-listic meaning sex once a year. Mono. Mono.

20:00🔗 Drew No, that's only for the Jewish supermen. That's way, you know. So, but sexuality in the Bible is celebrated. Specifically, okay, fine, you know, in a loving marriage and all that, but it is something celebrated and in the Jewish religion it's seen as the highest form of knowledge and that's an amazing thing because today we all say that compatibility and communication are the most important elements of a relationship and Judaism would say that sexuality is its most fundamental component because it's the only time where you're really true. You disrobe, not just physically, but you take away your inhibitions and your innermost self is revealed. So that's why in all these people when they call up and say, I'm 14, I'm doing this and this, my problem with it is, you know, how true a lovemaking experience is it when it's about fumbling and everything else. When two people are mature and then they're in love, they have no problem removing their defenses and not making love with full body armor. They're not emotionally anorexic because trust has been built. But then you can have great sex because you can submit entirely to instinct, you can put yourself on autopilot. A lot of this kind of sex going on there is contrived. But Chris' point about religion making other people feel uncomfortable about sex is very valid.

21:01🔗 Adam But as far as contrived activities go, it's amongst the best. Take off on a Woody Allen line. Adina?

21:10🔗 Yeah.

21:10🔗 Adam You're 25?

21:11🔗 Caller Yeah.

21:12🔗 Adam You're messed up with birth control pills, now you're not getting your period, you want to know what to do?

21:18🔗 Well, yeah, I had a birth control pill.

21:21🔗 Caller And now I'm messed up.

21:22🔗 Shmuley Boteach I don't know what to do. Okay.

21:23🔗 Adam All right. What should you do, Drew? This isn't a good cliffhanger, so why don't you just tell her real quick?

21:28🔗 Shmuley Boteach What pill were you taking?

21:30🔗 Orthinovum.

21:31🔗 Shmuley Boteach And what did you do? What happened?

21:33🔗 I missed a couple pills.

21:34🔗 Shmuley Boteach And what did you do?

21:35🔗 Caller I quit taking the pills.

21:36🔗 Shmuley Boteach Altogether?

21:37🔗 Uh-huh.

21:38🔗 Shmuley Boteach And where were you in the cycle?

21:47🔗 No period.

21:48🔗 Shmuley Boteach That may go on for a few months.

21:49🔗 It's been three or four now.

21:51🔗 Shmuley Boteach Then you should see your doctor. They can do something to kickstart you, give you some progesterone.

21:55🔗 It's a kickstart.

21:56🔗 Shmuley Boteach It's a kickstart. And or put you back on the pill.

21:59🔗 Adam All right. Before we go to break, Angel?

22:03🔗 Caller Hello?

22:04🔗 Adam Angel.

22:05🔗 Caller Hey.

22:06🔗 Adam You're thirteen, you're alcoholic, your mom's alcoholic boyfriend just moved in?

22:10🔗 Caller I'm not an alcoholic.

22:12🔗 Adam Okay. I'm sorry for that allegation. But won't you admit that your mom's boyfriend's an alcoholic?

22:20🔗 Caller Yeah.

22:21🔗 Adam All right. Now we're getting somewhere.

22:23🔗 Caller Where's my bourbon? All right.

22:24🔗 Adam Hang on. Hang on there, Angel. Because I know it's a scary situation. Is he in there yet?

22:30🔗 Caller What do you mean?

22:32🔗 Adam Remember how he's moving into the house?

22:35🔗 Caller We moved in with him.

22:36🔗 Adam Okay.

22:37🔗 Shmuley Boteach Are you in there yet? Yeah.

22:39🔗 Adam Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm speaking in Japanese or something.

22:44🔗 Drew Are you scared of him?

22:45🔗 Adam Hold on. We're going to take a break. I'm scared of Angel. Oh boy, do we have the world's dumbest callers on this show. We really do. It's like my mom's alcoholic boyfriend's moving in. Is he moved in yet? What do you mean? All right. We will take ourselves a break. Probably higher IQ than we've had in here in a long time. Rabbi Shmuley Boteach is our guest tonight and-

23:12🔗 Drew I brought a chicken bone for you to choke on for the rest of the night so you don't even have to like, it'll just get stuck there without you having to work on it.

23:18🔗 Adam These Jews have a bizarre euphemistic phrase for their penis, don't they? The chicken bone? I've never heard that one before. I really haven't.

23:27🔗 Shmuley Boteach We about to get funky, yo.

23:30🔗 Caller This is Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Oh, we'll be right back.

23:35🔗 Caller This is Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz.

24:05🔗 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew. He's shutting his computer as we speak.

24:11🔗 Shmuley Boteach No, I'm going to watch, because there's a guy named Adam Rules here. He's got a screen name. Wants to ask you a question.

24:16🔗 Adam Oh, you know, you know, if you slide a compliment in there, it turns a warm butter. Rabbi Shmuley Boteach is our guest tonight. He's the author of Kosher Sex and Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments. And he's a very knowledgeable man who has some very valid thoughts on a lot of the stuff that we talk about each night. And I really wish that a lot of our listeners who wouldn't normally go out and get a book like Kosher Sex or Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments would go out and find those and read those and expose themselves to something that they wouldn't normally be exposed to. That's the great part about being a human being. It's a great part about living in America. It's a great part about being alive right now. You don't have to be a rabbi. It doesn't matter what color you are. Just go out and expose yourself to different ideas. You don't have to become Jewish. You don't have to become Christian. You don't have to become communist. But there's a lot of good ideas floating around out there. You can treat your life like a big gin rummy hand. Just collect everyone's best. The Jews have a couple of good ones. There's other cultures and other religions that have a couple of good ideas. Let's just make your own religion. Potluck, rock soup. Go get the best ones.

25:35🔗 Shmuley Boteach I'm not sure if the rabbi has it in mind.

25:37🔗 Adam I know, but listen, that's what I have in mine and it's my show.

25:41🔗 Drew I've always wanted to convert to atomism.

25:43🔗 Adam There you go.

25:44🔗 Drew Worship Adam Corolla as your god.

25:47🔗 Shmuley Boteach He advocates that regularly.

25:50🔗 Adam The rabbi thinks you're kidding, Drew.

25:52🔗 Drew His one-liner has become your creed.

25:54🔗 Shmuley Boteach I'm not kidding.

25:55🔗 Adam Well, listen, it's like politics.

25:57🔗 Drew He can make you into this big totem.

26:00🔗 Adam There's a couple of good things that Democrats have to say and a couple of good things that Republicans have to say and a couple of good things that the independents have to say. Just find the ones you like.

26:09🔗 Drew We can make you into an ancient fertility god.

26:12🔗 Shmuley Boteach Adam actually... Thank you. Yeah, he's into paganism. But he did stumble on something that I thought was kind of interesting and I think it's reflected in the history of the Bible. No, no, no. I mean, in the course of the session...

26:26🔗 Adam When I come up with a good idea, it's like Jed Clampett when he found oil. Why can't I be like Dr. Leakey?

26:33🔗 Shmuley Boteach In a moment of clairvoyance, a very brilliant insight into the nature of the human soul...

26:38🔗 Adam That's better...

26:39🔗 Shmuley Boteach .as reflected in the history, as reflected in the Bible, where most of the people that sort of had a very close relationship with God seemed to have been in periods of lengthy deprivation, fast, out in the desert, in jail. Is that true? I mean, we were looking at this thing and it seems to be somewhat accurate.

26:59🔗 Adam You don't find them in the brothel or the football stadium. I'll tell you that right now.

27:03🔗 Drew Well, football stadiums don't really figure... They're not very prevalent in the Bible.

27:06🔗 Adam Well, when you're having a good time, you don't want God around to spoil things.

27:10🔗 Caller That's basically what it is.

27:11🔗 Drew Moses does serve in pharaoh's courts. There's a bit of tennis and stuff, but I haven't seen a football thing yet. No, I don't think that's necessarily true. Moses is said to speak to God face-to-face at almost any place, at almost any time.

27:21🔗 Shmuley Boteach But it started up in the hills.

27:23🔗 Drew Yeah, that's true. No, it is a point. To an extent, you first have to get rid of all the distractions before the inner voice can speak to you. Well, in relationships, that's true. Can you fall in love when you have all these different distractions? People today are very distracted.

27:35🔗 Shmuley Boteach Adam does. It falls up a strip-jib bar everywhere.

27:38🔗 Adam That's right. With quiet right blaring over the PA system, I've still managed to fall in love each and every weekend. Angel?

27:46🔗 Caller Yes. You're 13.

27:49🔗 Adam So you've moved in with your mom to your mom's boyfriend's house.

27:55🔗 Caller Yes.

27:55🔗 Adam Or apartment or trailer.

27:58🔗 Caller No, it was a house. It's a house.

28:00🔗 Adam It's a house.

28:01🔗 Caller Yes.

28:01🔗 Adam And how do you know he's an alcoholic?

28:04🔗 Caller Because he drinks every night. Okay.

28:06🔗 Adam All right. Let me write that down.

28:08🔗 Drew That's a pretty straightforward conclusion.

28:10🔗 Adam How does it manifest itself? Does he get violent? Does he get out of control?

28:16🔗 Caller He's like really controlling and really mean.

28:19🔗 Shmuley Boteach Where's your dad? Your biological dad?

28:22🔗 Caller I haven't seen him in two years.

28:23🔗 Shmuley Boteach Was he an alcoholic too?

28:25🔗 Caller No.

28:25🔗 Adam He wasn't.

28:26🔗 Shmuley Boteach That's why she had to get rid of him.

28:28🔗 Adam He wasn't a mean guy or controlling guy?

28:30🔗 Caller Well, he was mean and controlling and it was my choice to not see him.

28:35🔗 Shmuley Boteach Was he violent?

28:37🔗 Caller Yeah, he was with his girlfriends but he was never violent to me. I think he was to my little brother though.

28:42🔗 Shmuley Boteach How about to your mom? How about your mom?

28:44🔗 Caller No, not to my mom though.

28:45🔗 Adam Why did they break up?

28:47🔗 Caller Um, because he was really controlling.

28:51🔗 Adam Yeah.

28:51🔗 Drew You know, when my parents divorced Angel, I always used to tell my mother that she should ensure that even though I was a kid, I used to talk to her like I was an adult and tell her to make sure that her loneliness never made her make mistakes in bringing in the wrong guys, that she had a lot of self-esteem and often it takes kids to remind their parents that they're special and make them feel loved so they don't end up with the wrong guys. Maybe you could go to your mother and say, look, this guy's a bit of a jerk. He's an alcoholic. He scares me while you're with him and then maybe she'll think twice.

29:19🔗 Caller Me and my mom have talked about it and she has issues and I know what they are and...

29:26🔗 Shmuley Boteach What are they?

29:27🔗 Caller Well, when both of my grandparents are deaf.

29:32🔗 Shmuley Boteach Deaf?

29:33🔗 Caller Yeah.

29:35🔗 Caller And...

29:36🔗 Adam This still blew up.

29:38🔗 Caller Yeah. And she was like never told that she was like loved like when she was like really little.

29:46🔗 Adam They didn't have a scratch pad? You know what I mean?

29:49🔗 Caller They couldn't...

29:50🔗 Adam They couldn't write it down on the refrigerator and post it there or something?

29:54🔗 Caller It's like they just... They just started like doing it like a few years ago. And my grandma's dead though.

30:02🔗 Adam Oh boy. All right. Well listen, Angel...

30:04🔗 Drew She's deaf and dead. That's...

30:06🔗 Adam That's the double. There's no doubt... There's no... Angel? Yeah? There's no doubt that your mom has issues.

30:15🔗 Shmuley Boteach Yeah.

30:15🔗 Adam But a part of being a parent is putting aside your issues and the best interests of your child.

30:20🔗 Shmuley Boteach Being a parent. Being the parent.

30:22🔗 Adam Being a parent. That's what being a parent is. Yes, you want to do this. Yes, your instincts are to do that. But no, it's not going to be good for my child.

30:29🔗 Caller She's like really fast in relationships and she's like been married twice.

30:33🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah.

30:34🔗 Shmuley Boteach Listen, Angel, there is one thing you can do for yourself. That's about it. You can take care of yourself and there's a resource in the community for you called Allateen.

30:43🔗 Caller I know about that, but it's just I don't really know about like, I don't really have a ride and my mom like works full time.

30:52🔗 Adam You're gonna have to get resourceful here, Angel.

30:55🔗 Shmuley Boteach What you do is you call Allateen or AA and they will pick you up and take you. They do that all the time.

31:00🔗 Adam Really?

31:01🔗 Shmuley Boteach Yeah, all the time. That's part of the drill.

31:03🔗 Adam Really? We have never talked about that.

31:06🔗 Shmuley Boteach The whole deal is being of service and people will be of service to one another.

31:09🔗 Adam You mean a sponsor will?

31:11🔗 Shmuley Boteach Not a sponsor, but a person in the program will come and get you and take you to a meeting.

31:16🔗 Drew I think Dr. Drew's advice is very, very valid, but I think you could also just go to your mother and say, look, you know, I think that you weren't told that you're loved enough and I love you very much and you shouldn't be doing this and you'd be surprised, you know, the way a big log, you can't really light it. You need little twigs to light it first. Sometimes adults learn things from children and you sound like a pretty intelligent 13-year-old and I think you should go and tell your mother this as soon as possible because not only do you want to look out for her, for yourself, even if you end up getting out of there, you're going to feel very bad to know that your mother is in a dangerous situation.

31:48🔗 Adam Well, as the old Jewish anima joke goes, it couldn't hoit, but I'm not counting on any results. I do not, I put no faith in the parents of our Loveline listeners.

31:59🔗 Drew Well, would you advocate that she go and report him directly? Could she do that?

32:02🔗 Adam No, I don't know that he's done anything yet. He's just drinking. I think you're right. She's tell her mom she loves her and that this guy may not be right for her and then after that, wait for the guy to honk the horn in the van for the Alateen Mobile. Would it just be a regular car? Or would it be the Alateen Mobile?

32:18🔗 Shmuley Boteach If she's lucky, it would be the Mobile. It's shaped like a big boss car.

32:22🔗 Adam A big Jaeger-Meister bottle?

32:25🔗 Caller Alright.

32:26🔗 Adam Actually, it's a wagon. Kaitlyn?

32:31🔗 Caller Yeah.

32:31🔗 Adam You're 17?

32:32🔗 Caller Yes, I am and I just want to say I love you guys and my show's great. Thank you. I've got a problem. I cannot have orgasms whatsoever.

32:42🔗 Shmuley Boteach What's your sort of status?

32:44🔗 Caller I've been sexually active for about a year.

32:46🔗 Shmuley Boteach Same guy?

32:48🔗 Caller Yeah, the same guy for probably about six months.

32:53🔗 Shmuley Boteach And what is...

32:54🔗 Caller And then we broke up and since then I haven't.

32:57🔗 Shmuley Boteach And so it was when you were with this guy you could not achieve an orgasm? Yeah.

33:01🔗 Caller But no masturbation or anything else.

33:03🔗 Shmuley Boteach So you've never had an orgasm?

33:04🔗 Caller No.

33:05🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, what about the masturbation?

33:08🔗 I've literally tried everything.

33:10🔗 Caller The vibrator and all and I just don't... I can't reach one.

33:13🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, maybe, you know, women do develop a little bit differently than men and then women too. That's the confusing part. I mean, you could have friends that were 15 that were having them, you know, on the gym equipment at school and then you can't have one with the Badger 3000 series, you know, the kind you got to open a window for because the exhaust fumes will kill you from the vibrator. It's unfair. It's totally inconsistent. It's not like what men are, but this can happen and you may not just be ready.

33:47🔗 Shmuley Boteach Robert, here's something I've realized, maybe you agree with me on this, that I was in a big room talking to a group of college students and this girl stood up and said, how come women can't talk about masturbation? And I went, hey, you're in front of 1200 people talking about it. What do you mean we can't talk about it? Well, I don't know. We just can't talk about it. I thought, well, do you and your friends talk about it all the time? Do guys talk about it with you? That's all they want to talk about. As a child, were you told it was bad? No, never. What do you mean you can't talk about it? And we sort of after a little bit of back and forth, I realized what she was saying is there's no language that is specifically pertinent to women that helps them understand how they function sexually and emotionally. And we sort of use the language of men, which is a very mechanical thing that just operates no matter what. It's more about where not to do it than how to do it. And there's no language about the emotional connect that women need in order to have that natural functioning occur.

34:39🔗 Drew Yeah, I couldn't agree more. I think that male sexuality is very linear. And we use very linear terms in sex. In other words, it's all about achieving an orgasm, like a line. I start having sex, I haven't reached an orgasm. And female sex is much more circular. And that's the beauty of it. Women can be multi-orgasmic. For them, lovemaking is as much about caressing and foreplay as it is about coitus. And for men, it's about doing something to someone else. With women, it's about sharing with someone else. And I actually lament the fact that sexual language has become so masculine-oriented, because it is mechanical. And mechanical means that this happens, this doesn't happen, et cetera. What I would say is, you know, the essence of orgasm is that something overwhelms you, it sort of overtakes you. And the harder you try to have it, the more difficult it is to have, specifically because you're trying, you can't let go. That's the beauty of an orgasm. It just sort of sweeps you away. So you have to feel good about yourself and good about what you're doing, or it can't happen. It's like if you feel someone doesn't love you. I often speak to wives who know that their husbands are thinking about other women while they make love to them, and they can't have an orgasm because they know that he's on planet Zog, you know, he's just somewhere out there, and he's not mentally present. So they can't climax because they don't feel...

35:54🔗 Shmuley Boteach Well, they're not connected.

35:55🔗 Drew Exactly.

35:56🔗 Shmuley Boteach Because he's not connected, so they're not connected.

35:57🔗 Drew So maybe you need a higher form of connection. Do you feel good about yourself in terms of, you know, sexually, your looks, your mind? Do you have self-confidence?

36:08🔗 Caller Well, yeah. I mean, I date guys and stuff like that, but I find myself more often than I like pleasuring them more often because I know that if they do anything to me, I'm not going to feel anything.

36:19🔗 Adam Yeah, that's a bad place to come from. Is your self-esteem, your self-esteem's not great. Is it, Caitlin?

36:28🔗 Caller I mean, for a teenager, I guess not.

36:30🔗 Caller I mean.

36:31🔗 Adam How about for a cat? Listen, Caitlin, don't worry about pleasuring the guys. Worry about yourself a little more, but don't worry about the orgasm part. Just worry about the relationship.

36:44🔗 Drew Exactly.

36:45🔗 Adam That's right. I never thought I'd say that. Rafael?

36:49🔗 Drew You've come over to those sides. He's only very feminine in his...

36:51🔗 Adam You're 19, thank you.

36:53🔗 Caller Yeah, I am.

36:55🔗 Adam You pretend to be gay to get girls.

36:57🔗 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

36:59🔗 Drew Now, that's fascinating. I understand that. You know, there was this guy at Oxford where I was a rabbi for 11 years, and he always used to tell girls after dating like three or four times, when everyone expected that it was time for sex, he'd say, I really love you, but I'm going to save myself for the woman I'm going to marry. And the women would just, oh my God, this guy is different. And they want to go to bed with him. And it was just a ploy. And it worked every time.

37:18🔗 Adam Yeah. That's great. They're probably, they start bargaining. They're like, well, how about a blowjob? That'd be fine. I don't know. I got to check on that. Let's see. Blowjob, blowjob. Would that be in the Bible? Where would that be?

37:30🔗 Drew But isn't it true that women love gay men? They're more nurturing. They're not as goal oriented.

37:34🔗 Shmuley Boteach They're better guys.

37:35🔗 Adam They're better. Well, they're better women is what they are. They're jealous. They think they can learn something.

37:40🔗 Shmuley Boteach Women are better men.

37:41🔗 Adam Yeah.

37:41🔗 Drew But wait, look at all the big sex idols today. They're Leonardo DiCaprio, very feminine face. You know, the John Wayne look is all out. All these action movies are out. Women want guys who are more feminine.

37:54🔗 Adam All the idols, especially teen idols, especially men that young women are attracted to, but even older, they possess feminine qualities. They're all hairless. I mean, they're not, their bellies aren't covered with hair. Are they? I mean, whether it's Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio.

38:12🔗 Drew I was on this...

38:12🔗 Adam DiCaprio.

38:13🔗 Drew I was on this...

38:13🔗 Adam DiCaprio. No, the point is, is they're, yes, they may clean themselves up, but they're not what you call hairy guys. Or even if they do clean themselves up, they're, that's, that's what they look like.

38:25🔗 Drew But it's only changed, like, over the past 20 years. Look, I, you know, my whole life, I've had to contend with being a sex symbol. It's been really hard on me. It must be difficult.

38:31🔗 Adam You don't know why a woman is with you. Is it that disgusting beard or... Or is it the mind behind it?

38:39🔗 Drew Isn't that, Drew, isn't that just a form of oppression on his part, don't you say? Adam's whole life, he's wanted to be me. And he's never come to terms with it.

38:47🔗 Adam Oh, if I could only be six inches shorter and wear glasses, it wouldn't be utopia.

38:52🔗 Shmuley Boteach And be a rabbi. Always talking about such longing.

38:54🔗 Adam All right, wait a minute.

38:55🔗 Drew We've been love religious types because they have no agenda. That's the whole thing. They're not manipulative.

39:00🔗 Adam We've got to take a break.

39:01🔗 Shmuley Boteach It's kind of like being gay. They have to turn up and bring it to the other side.

39:04🔗 Adam Yeah, it's gay without all the muscles and recycling. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be back with Drew and the Rabbi. We'll get to Raphael and find out what his gay and his bait and switch tactic is after this.

39:20🔗 Drew That's an interesting question. I want to hear the rest of that.

39:22🔗 Adam Well, you'll be.

39:30🔗 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

39:34🔗 Caller This is Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7, The Buzz. This is Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7, The Buzz.

40:06🔗 Adam What the hell is this? All right. Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LVE-191. Rabbi Shmuley Boteach is our guest tonight. Kosher Sachs is one of the books he's the author of, also Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments.

40:23🔗 Drew You've got to change your name to Adam Carolla.

40:26🔗 Caller Adam Carolla.

40:27🔗 Adam Yeah, that would work. Yeah, the Adam work. Carolla.

40:30🔗 Drew Carolla.

40:31🔗 Adam Yeah, Adam's a good Jewish name, or at least that's why people think I'm Jewish. And the Carolla, yeah, that would just do it. That would put me over the edge.

40:42🔗 Drew And you have Jewish eyebrows.

40:43🔗 Adam I have Jewish eyebrows. I have one big Jewish eyebrow. Yeah, that's not true. Please.

40:48🔗 Drew Well, you know, the ancient Talmud says that people with one eyebrow are always smarter than people with two eyebrows.

40:54🔗 Shmuley Boteach Oh, I like that.

40:55🔗 Adam Right.

40:55🔗 Drew I just made that up now, but... Since I only have one eyebrow, too, we got to...

40:59🔗 Adam It's really one of the signs of mongoloidism, isn't it, Drew? It's not intelligence. Isn't that what the Talmud says? All right. The Rabbi is here tonight, and not a moment too soon. I have no idea what that means. So, Raphael? Yeah? You're 19. You like to pretend you're gay.

41:17🔗 Caller Well, actually, it's only been for one person.

41:20🔗 Adam Right. So you can move in on the ladies.

41:22🔗 Caller Yeah. First, I want to say Man Show.

41:26🔗 Adam Love it.

41:26🔗 Shmuley Boteach Great.

41:27🔗 Caller Yeah.

41:28🔗 Shmuley Boteach It's awesome. Well, you are getting it.

41:29🔗 Adam Thank you.

41:31🔗 Caller Well, you know, about a year ago, I graduated from high school, and I met this girl, and I was really shy. You know, I didn't know how to talk to her, so I conjured up being gay, you know, to talk to her, not being myself, you know? Right. And now we're like best friends, and she still thinks you're gay. And I want her to be my girlfriend.

41:55🔗 Shmuley Boteach She still thinks you're gay.

41:57🔗 Caller Yeah, she thinks I'm gay.

41:58🔗 Shmuley Boteach How much of a friendship could you really have if it's built on such a big old fib?

42:02🔗 Caller Well, we go out, and she talks to me about everything, and I talk to her about everything. It's like...

42:08🔗 Adam I don't believe this story, by the way.

42:09🔗 Drew First of all, I don't believe that she doesn't know that you're not gay. A woman once said to me, the ultimate test, she said, when a guy, when you first meet a guy, and he talks to your chest, he's straight. When a guy meets you, and he talks straight to your eyes, he's gay.

42:22🔗 Adam That's right. Or anus. Go ahead.

42:24🔗 Drew So have you never looked her over? Have you never looked at her body?

42:27🔗 Caller Oh yeah.

42:28🔗 Drew Okay, so what do you think she thinks you're looking for? Just to see if you're deep down, she's had a sex change operation, maybe a guy?

42:35🔗 Shmuley Boteach Maybe that's what it freaks her to try to get him over.

42:37🔗 Caller I compliment her on her body, you know? And I don't get nervous when...

42:41🔗 Adam How long has this ruse been going on, Rafael? About a year.

42:47🔗 Caller And now I'm tired of it because I get like guys calling my house.

42:52🔗 Adam Hey, Rafael.

42:54🔗 Caller Yeah.

42:54🔗 Adam Listen, go blow your neighbor with you. I don't believe you for a second, you idiot. Please. It's a TV story. Yeah. That's what that is. First off, you're really shy. How do you introduce yourself to a woman? Let's just say you are gay. Does that make it any easier to introduce yourself to her? And then you have this great friendship and she doesn't know. Meanwhile, word gets out and the phone's ringing from the local gays in the neighborhood. You know how gay guys are. Once they find out one guy is gay.

43:24🔗 Drew His names, his numbers all over the toilets.

43:26🔗 Adam Phone rings off the hook. That's how the gays are.

43:29🔗 Drew But one second. So why do Rafael, let's say it's a ruse.

43:32🔗 Adam Don't care.

43:32🔗 Drew Okay, fine. We won't analyze Rafael.

43:36🔗 Adam Jenna?

43:36🔗 Yeah?

43:37🔗 Adam You're 14. Sorry. What's up? What's going on?

43:41🔗 Caller When I was five, my dad killed himself. And ever since, I haven't really trusted guys.

43:48🔗 Adam Yeah.

43:48🔗 Drew Because he left you or because it was such a violent way that he left. Did you feel abandoned?

43:55🔗 Caller He shot himself.

43:56🔗 Adam Oh boy. And right. So you don't want to be abandoned again.

44:02🔗 Caller Yeah. I don't know. I can't really get close to guys.

44:04🔗 Adam Oh boy. Is your phone running out of battery, Jules?

44:07🔗 Caller Kind of.

44:07🔗 Adam Do you have another phone?

44:10🔗 Caller I know. I got to go find it.

44:11🔗 Shmuley Boteach Oh boy.

44:12🔗 Adam Can you do that? We'll put you on hold.

44:14🔗 Caller Yeah.

44:14🔗 Shmuley Boteach Okay.

44:14🔗 Caller Hold on.

44:15🔗 Shmuley Boteach There's something missing to this story. There's more to this story.

44:17🔗 Adam Well here's the deal. This is what we get from this show a lot. Her dad wasn't Fred McMurray from My Three Sons and then decided to kill himself one evening. He was a drug addict. He was an alcoholic. He was depressed. He was abusive. He was whatever. There was a whole list of things that caused him to arrive at the suicide, which he had to live with for many years before he killed himself.

44:41🔗 Shmuley Boteach And I bet there's something with mom too that we would need to know about.

44:44🔗 Adam Well I'm guessing bad cocaine. I mean if he killed himself. Right Drew?

44:48🔗 Shmuley Boteach Is that just stop at the cocaine?

44:51🔗 Drew One of the saddest things that I dealt with in my years as a rabbi to students at the university was how many children, students, had to deal with parents who killed themselves. Often it was the guy lost a lot of money.

45:03🔗 Adam Oh really?

45:04🔗 Drew Yeah, one father, often another story was where a guy just felt abandoned by his family. I think his wife was having an affair and he felt he wasn't loved. And when you feel you're not loved, when no one recognizes you then you may as well not exist.

45:20🔗 Adam But you know you cannot do that to a kid. It's like you should sign a contract that says you'll not kill yourself until your kid's 25 and has a kid of their own.

45:30🔗 Drew And let's say you do, then what do they do to the guy who signed the contract?

45:33🔗 Adam They go after him. Believe me, there are lawyers in this town that could exhume the body and get what they need.

45:39🔗 Drew Well in Judaism, you know, the whole thing about suicide is it's a form of murder. Your life's not your own. It's a gift. And for you to take it is a...

45:46🔗 Adam It's certainly not your own when you have a few kids.

45:48🔗 Drew That's right. Well that's the whole point. Responsibility is something eternal.

45:51🔗 Adam Well it's like, look at it this way. If you're a pilot of an airplane and you decide to kill yourself and it's full of passengers, that ain't killing yourself. That's murder.

46:02🔗 Drew Something that happened just recently. Yeah.

46:03🔗 Adam And if you have a bunch of kids or even one kid and you kill yourself, you're taking them with you in a certain way.

46:09🔗 Shmuley Boteach It is sometimes an act of violence, aggression against the other people. All right.

46:15🔗 Adam Let's...

46:15🔗 Drew Well, you know that... Well, Gemma's not there, but...

46:18🔗 Adam She's not?

46:20🔗 Drew Well, Gemma, can I just tell you one thing? You know that famous line that says love is if you were never hurt before? You know, the heart heals. And, look, thank God I've not had to endure the tragedy which you speak of. But my parents divorced and that made me very cynical. And, you know, when the archetypal relationship which was responsible for your existence dissolves before your eyes, then you start thinking that every time you build...

46:39🔗 Adam Right in the middle of one of Rabbi's good...

46:41🔗 Drew One of my preachers...

46:43🔗 Adam .Jewisms right there. Oh, man.

46:45🔗 Drew That was probably the devil that cut me off or something, you know. But you start believing that if you build a snowman, it's going to melt. If you see a star twinkling in the dark night, it will be covered by a cloud the next night, and you become a cynic, and you have to overcome your cynicism, and it's part of training, and you just have to believe again. And one of the ways you do that is not by waiting for people to love you, but it's by making a difference in other people's lives. I would actually encourage you to go and show love to people who have been hurt just like you. And once you begin to see that you can make a difference, then you're going to believe again in the power of love.

47:15🔗 Shmuley Boteach And then it's again not assuming that every love really, every love connection is going to end in tragedy or disconnect. It doesn't have to work like that. And there are further connections down the line.

47:25🔗 Adam I'm so moved by the Rambeis' words. I'm going to go make number two now.

47:28🔗 Shmuley Boteach I'm going to take the Rambeis. We're going to be in the Relationship Chatroom on drdrew.com during the break.

47:32🔗 Adam I will be in the Tiled Confessional down the hall. We'll be back.

47:39🔗 Caller We'll be back once again with it.

47:47🔗 Caller This is Love Line on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7, The Buzz. This is Love Line on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7, The Buzz.

48:14🔗 Adam It's Love Line. We're gonna take a quick ten second time out, and then we'll be back with more of the program in ten seconds. It's Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, he is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Rabbi Shmuley Boteach is our guest tonight. He's the author of Kosher Sex and Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments. He is the world's Jewish Jew, but the beauty of the Jews is they all have a great sense of humor and they love to talk. God bless them. It's a smart religion.

49:06🔗 Drew What makes me the Jewish Jew is the fact that I have hair growing all over my neck?

49:11🔗 Adam Super Jew. No, I...

49:13🔗 Drew Beard on my forehead?

49:14🔗 Adam No, I think there are others...

49:15🔗 Drew I'm devolving even as we speak.

49:17🔗 Adam There are others that... like I said, the Jewish religion for men is about hygiene and lack thereof. It's like, let's come... Hey, you know, I could see the... I could see the forefathers of this religion sitting around one day saying, what do you hate to do, Shmuley? I hate to shower. Good. Let's make that a sin. And what about shaving? Pain in the ass. All right, Moishe, good point. No shaving. Well, wait a minute. You can shave, but you have to use a stick. All right, no one's going to do that. That's my point.

49:50🔗 Drew When you shave, your face ends up looking like your ass. Isn't that what happens?

49:54🔗 Adam Not my ass. My ass looks like your face. I don't mean that in a disrespectful way.

49:59🔗 Drew No, I took it very respectfully.

50:01🔗 Adam I hope so.

50:01🔗 Drew I took it as a compliment, of course.

50:03🔗 Adam I have a pay ass. That's a little pay-ass joke there, Drew.

50:08🔗 Drew I didn't know you were so knowledgeable actually.

50:10🔗 Adam I know the Jews. Drew? Other Drew? Caller Drew?

50:15🔗 Caller Dr. Drew? Yeah.

50:19🔗 How healthy is it to look at pornography on the Internet?

50:22🔗 Adam Like on a one to ten rating? Ten being most healthy?

50:27🔗 Yeah.

50:28🔗 Adam I give it a solid six.

50:32🔗 Okay. Thanks.

50:33🔗 Adam All right, Drew.

50:34🔗 Shmuley Boteach I cleared that up for you. My problem is on multiple levels. One is, I really think parents need to have control over what kids have access to.

50:43🔗 Adam Yeah.

50:44🔗 Shmuley Boteach And the extent to which the pornography goes and the porno bothers me, you know, how bizarre it is.

50:52🔗 Adam Yeah, it does. It gets a little bizarre. And a little, Drew, here's what I'm worried about, quite honestly, is a sort of numbing of America. I mean, when you've seen, Drew, try to focus on the show here, when you've seen, you know, Asian midget stump porn at 13 years old, where do you go and what's that do to you?

51:14🔗 Shmuley Boteach I mean, what's the do to you is the question.

51:16🔗 Adam You get numb. I think you get numb.

51:18🔗 Drew I think that's true. And I think it also, not only does it make you numb, it makes you bored of the human body after a while. I mean, look at the fact that all of the Playboy, Hustler, you'd think that the great business model would be, they'd use one woman and make her Mrs. January, February, March, April. But of course they need a different woman every month because once you've seen her, the mystery's gone. Right. And you need another woman. The whole thing about porn is that it desensitizes you to the erotic nature of the human body. And it also makes you visually interested in sex rather than everything else. A lot of people enjoy watching more than doing. And a lot of husbands and wives love watching, you know, even forget pornography. They love watching sex scenes on TV instead of making love at night. I think television has destroyed sex in the bedroom. Once upon a time, sex was the principal form of recreation at night between husband and wife. There wasn't TV, there wasn't radio. Today, we watch, you know, Letterman and Leno's stand-up, and then at midnight we have a quickie, and we go to sleep. That's why the average husband who says to his wife, how about a quickie tonight, she looks back at him and says, as opposed to what? I mean, for a lot of people, that's the norm. Sex between couples is seven and a half minutes in America right now.

52:19🔗 Adam But overall, and just, I'm, if I had it my way, it would be lower, but overall, just, I'm not even talking about sex or pornography, but I'll get back to my Jewish grandfather. God bless the man.

52:34🔗 Drew Did he like to watch?

52:34🔗 Adam He could tell a story, that son of a bitch. Unfortunately, it was the same one over and over again, but he could tell a story. And when I slept over at his house, me and my sister, we'd lie down on the sofa there. He'd put my pee bucket next to the bed because I had to get up and whiz at night so I wouldn't ruin the sofa. And he would tell us these great, he would weave these great stories about Hungary and the old school. And he'd tell these great stories. He was a great writer. He was a fictional writer. And he'd make up stories, and he'd had all these great stories. And we'd just close our eyes. And it couldn't have gotten any better than that. And surround sound and DVD and all the technology that exists today pales in comparison to what your mind can do when you close your eyes and someone you love tells you a story. And I think in a way we're being hit over the head with technology and internets and all this nonsense. And in a way we think it's good, but the joke is gonna be on us. We're missing out.

53:30🔗 Drew Well, look, the thing about sight, the thing about pornography is that of all the five senses, the one that brings instant gratification is the sense of sight. And that's why it becomes the most addictive. And the problem is it's difficult to wean yourself off it and to actually experience things like taste and things like scent. And I really fear that people are becoming so visual in sex that sex is no longer experiential. And why do you think men love talking so much about sex? And isn't it true, through that study show that men think about sex six times an hour? I even saw some statistics six times a minute. Now you take all that compared to what they actually do about it and the disproportionate nature of the two is vast.

54:08🔗 Adam Especially with me. Because I think about it more and do it less than the norm, than the curve.

54:13🔗 Shmuley Boteach And women, by the way, when they hear about how frequently men think about it are freaked out about it. It's like, you've got to be kidding. Like, what a bother. How awful that must be.

54:21🔗 Adam How do you build all those bridges?

54:23🔗 Drew There's one final thing, by the way, about pornography and that is that I think also it leads you to have unrealistic expectations of the female body. The Canadian Film Board says that Playboy takes 22,000 photographs of a centerfold before they actually use the tenors, which go into the centerfold. Now, you take 22,000 pictures of anyone, it's going to look pretty down and good. And then you compare your wife to that or your girlfriend to that, and they look pretty inadequate and you feel cheated. That's why you become more...

54:51🔗 Adam That's why I'm mad at my parents. You're right.

54:53🔗 Shmuley Boteach That's why I've got a job in radio and television.

54:54🔗 Adam That's right. So I can get the... I can weed out the scary broads. Thank you.

54:58🔗 Shmuley Boteach Josh. I was just on the chat room, just seeing where this planned parent is putting on an ad now about the morning after pill on television. Good.

55:04🔗 Adam Josh?

55:06🔗 Caller Yeah.

55:06🔗 Adam I hope they play it on the Trinity Broadcasting System. What's up? You're 20 years old.

55:12🔗 Caller Yeah. Hey, I'm on my cellular, so if I cut out on you guys, could you kind of let me know?

55:17🔗 Adam Okay. We'll kick you in the shin, you idiot.

55:20🔗 Drew Can you just station interruptus from John?

55:23🔗 Caller No, I got a question for you guys. I don't know, I've had a relationship with this girl for probably a year, two years. It's been a good while, probably around two years, I'd say. And I don't know, I find myself not so much sexually attractive as I did when we, I do, I enjoy oral sex more than I enjoy having sex with her body.

55:49🔗 Shmuley Boteach You're not into her, Josh.

55:50🔗 Adam Oral sex, her performing on you?

55:53🔗 Shmuley Boteach With your eyes closed while you think about somebody else?

55:55🔗 Adam Think about me getting oral sex?

55:57🔗 Caller No.

55:58🔗 Adam Come on, I think about you, buddy.

56:00🔗 Caller What's that?

56:01🔗 Adam All right. Listen, I know where you're coming from. There's two things here. A, you're probably done with this relationship, or B, you just have intimacy issues and have difficulty getting close, or both? Or C, both?

56:13🔗 Shmuley Boteach I feel a little bit of both coming from old Josh.

56:15🔗 Caller Okay. I find it that I could very well be done with this relationship. The girl is very much in love with me, and I find it hard to deny her, to tell her that I've tried many different times to tell her that I'm not interested in her, and she still comes around, she's still around.

56:34🔗 Adam Well, you're going to have to mean it this time. That's all.

56:37🔗 Shmuley Boteach Josh, you got to cut her off. It's the only sort of humane thing to do.

56:42🔗 Adam And use humane because you do, you really think about an animal that's suffering, or a cat that's coming around the back door. You can't keep feeding it, you just can't.

56:52🔗 Shmuley Boteach Hey, somebody in the chat room asked, Brabbi, where did you hear about the Canadian Film Board? Are you from Canada?

56:56🔗 Drew No. Playboy refuses to reveal their... They've been asked, and they won't reveal the number of photographs they take for a centerfold. You can imagine, it makes it less erotic, knowing that this woman's sort of not real and constructed by lenses.

57:14🔗 Adam Then the amount of airbrushing and what have you that goes on, the retouching of those photos that goes on is incredible. They're still beautiful women, but, man, you know it's weird when you get old, like us, and you go hang out and you see some of these playmates, it ain't any fun anymore. They're too young, too stupid, too dizzy. It's screwy.

57:35🔗 Drew Well, I was, you know, every year on fashion television, I host this fashion show and we look at how clothes affects attraction and I was introduced to this world-famous model.

57:44🔗 Adam You have one hell of an agent, I gotta tell you right now.

57:48🔗 Drew I put the microphone.

57:48🔗 Adam The rabbi, he's jet setting, he's going around the countries, he's hosting shows of his own, it's ridiculous.

57:56🔗 Drew I put the microphone in her face and I say to her, what's it like being born a genetic celebrity without a concomitant need to develop your inner personality and inner dimension? And she looks at me and she said, What? What?

58:07🔗 Caller Exactly.

58:08🔗 Drew And that monosyllabic response made her instantly unattractive because, what was there?

58:13🔗 Adam Half a glass of Manischewitz, you'd been right down her panties, rabbi, please.

58:18🔗 Drew Hey, my wife was there.

58:19🔗 Caller My wife would care for me.

58:21🔗 Drew I see that you have never met a Jewish wife before. They are frightening, okay? I value life far too much to even contemplate that.

58:30🔗 Adam No, I know.

58:31🔗 Drew But, you know, my wife has been trained by the Samurai. She's half Japanese, half Jewish, okay?

58:36🔗 Adam Right. Yeah. Listen, I know. I know they're tough women, but here's what I want to say, and Drew, please back me up on this. I don't care how much scripture you read. I don't care how far into the Judaism you are. You could be a tenth-degree rabbi, black belt, using the analogy.

59:00🔗 Drew Your beard could reach to the floor.

59:02🔗 Adam You would still hop on the first hot blonde that came by. It's a weakness. They can't help it. It's like the Indians with the alcohol, the Jews, the Jewish men with the goyim blondes. They can't. It's like a weakness. They can't control themselves.

59:15🔗 Drew No, Adam, man. Superman with kryptonite. I am super Jew. I am impervious to all that. I am like masculinity and divinity sort of like synthesized into one holy Jew.

59:34🔗 Adam Yeah, but let me tell you something.

59:37🔗 Drew Now he's going to test me. In the middle of the night, I am going to get like some stripper gram and bring me my matzah for Passover or something and I am going to know that Adam is behind it.

59:46🔗 Adam Don't take this the wrong way, but you know, with the paeos and the beard and the yarmulke and all the other nonsense, the coke bottle glasses, you guys are not exactly being hounded by supermodels. But I am telling you, if I could get one and sick them on one of these rabbi's, I could knock them down in a second. It would have to be a blonde, a tall, leggy blonde would do it.

1:00:15🔗 Drew You should have to have a lot of facial hair actually.

1:00:17🔗 Adam You have it.

1:00:17🔗 Drew To do it for me.

1:00:19🔗 Adam And I wouldn't blame you. And your wife shouldn't either. You have a genetic predisposition to leggy blondes. All Jewish men have that.

1:00:28🔗 Shmuley Boteach I seriously could not imagine doing that to my wife or my family without divinity involved or anything. I just can't imagine.

1:00:37🔗 Drew Yeah, but I'll tell you something. A guy came to me once and he said to me-

1:00:39🔗 Adam You didn't go without for so long. He didn't get as much tales you got in high school, Drew. You got out of your system, thank God. All that knocking around in college.

1:00:48🔗 Drew The beauty of sex, which is intimacy, is this. That you could feel as close the morning after when you're geographically separated as you did the night before when you shared the same bed. A guy said to me once, a business man travels a lot, he says, why shouldn't I cheat on my wife? And I said to him, when your wife travels with you, do you cheat on her while she's there? He said, of course not, she'd kill me. I said, that's the whole point. Even when she's not there, she's there. She is your wife, she is your flesh. And sex is strong enough to induce that kind of feeling. So Drew's right, it's not even a religious thing. It's about feeling that you're whole, specifically based on the love of a woman to you and you to her.

1:01:18🔗 Shmuley Boteach Oh, I wish I'd said that.

1:01:19🔗 Adam I could.

1:01:20🔗 Drew But this genetic predisposition thing, I'll examine that and get back to you about that, Adam. You sound jealous talking about that as well. He wishes he had the same genes.

1:01:28🔗 Adam Of course.

1:01:29🔗 Shmuley Boteach You have that.

1:01:29🔗 Drew The blonde gene.

1:01:30🔗 Adam Oh, I do, yeah.

1:01:30🔗 Drew You have the blonde gene?

1:01:33🔗 Adam I have the attractive woman gene. I mean, you know, it's an attractive woman. I'm weak, but like all guys. But I don't have the thing that the Jews have, which is the tall blonde.

1:01:42🔗 Shmuley Boteach If you were married, do you think you could hold out?

1:01:45🔗 Adam As long as I married one that was taller and blonder, yeah.

1:01:48🔗 Shmuley Boteach So somebody you were really into.

1:01:49🔗 Adam Oh, sure. Sure, I could rally for that. Erica.

1:01:52🔗 Shmuley Boteach What about 20 years from now?

1:01:55🔗 Adam Did she get older, too?

1:01:56🔗 Shmuley Boteach Yeah.

1:01:56🔗 Adam Oh, no, no. I thought you meant she stayed the same age. I was 55. She was 19 still.

1:02:03🔗 Drew I actually want to throw in that I appreciate Drew's comments, because the truth is, just as someone who watches and listens to the show, you're a great role model to young people. You're married. You're a devoted father. I enjoy the comments you make about parenthood that I see in the press a lot. And really, you've shown people that celebrity doesn't have to go to your head, that you can be. I mean, look at Adam. It's gone straight to his head. He had to turn sideways to move to the door today.

1:02:22🔗 Shmuley Boteach He is a genius.

1:02:23🔗 Drew It's swelled completely.

1:02:24🔗 Shmuley Boteach Let's be fair.

1:02:25🔗 Adam Yes. And I...

1:02:30🔗 Caller Hi.

1:02:31🔗 Adam You're 20. Yes.

1:02:32🔗 Caller What's up?

1:02:34🔗 Caller Well, my boyfriend is Jewish. Well, my fiance, I should say, he's Jewish and I'm not. And when we told everyone that we were getting married, his grandma right away asked whether I was going to convert to Judaism or she was mentioning that I should think about when we have kids, which we haven't planned on waiting for, you know, we have it set for a couple of years from now. And I know there's going to be a conflict with that.

1:03:01🔗 Adam Right.

1:03:01🔗 Caller With our families.

1:03:02🔗 Adam What's your religion?

1:03:05🔗 Caller I haven't gone to church in a couple of years, but my father was Baptist and my mom was Catholic. I mean, they don't practice it anymore.

1:03:12🔗 Adam Well, you don't really have a religion.

1:03:14🔗 Caller No.

1:03:14🔗 Adam You might as well pick up the Judaism.

1:03:16🔗 Caller The purpose of the thing is, it's not even...

1:03:19🔗 Drew I'm glad there's a lot of conviction behind that. You might as well.

1:03:22🔗 Shmuley Boteach This is something we must have to deal with.

1:03:24🔗 Drew Yeah, it comes up all the time. I mean, we're a minority and a lot of Jews living in the broader world, not everyone you meet is Jewish, and intermarriage between Jews and non-Jews in this country is at 50%. Now, there's two issues for that in the Jewish community. The first is a collective one. Six million Jews died at the hands of Hitler, and a lot of people are worried that we're going to lose more and more. I mean, not through any terrible murderous means like that, yeah. But still, numbers are going to disappear, numbers will dwindle, and that's a very important issue, and I definitely believe that Jews should marry Jewish. But secondly...

1:03:55🔗 Shmuley Boteach Is that an ethnic thing, or a cultural thing?

1:03:58🔗 Drew I think it's neither ethnic nor cultural. It's more religious. It's that we have a very specific and beautiful tradition, which has enriched the world. We've given the world the idea of the Sabbath, the family, charity. A lot of things come from the Bible, and to the extent that the Jewish people are strong, we can continue to convey and impart those ideals to the rest of the world.

1:04:14🔗 Shmuley Boteach But you have no problem with somebody marrying a woman who was non-Jewish but converts.

1:04:18🔗 Drew Absolutely. Well, that's the second issue. The second issue is, you know, beyond the collective, sure, I say the Jews should marry Jewish, but I'm also a person, and I know what loneliness is like, and I know my parents divorced. They were lonely and alone for many years. So when two people like you, Erica, fall in love with someone Jewish, the other issue becomes, can your love also, love is comprised of romance on the one hand and pragmatic considerations on the other. So whereas religion isn't important to most people when they fall in love, if they're not religious, later when they have children, they want to give them something, and continuity and tradition becomes much more important. And that's when I see a lot of conflict arising. I would actually encourage you to try and find if the Jewish religion has an appeal to you. We don't coerce people to convert. We're not a proselytizing religion, but maybe there are ideals within it that speak to you.

1:05:04🔗 Shmuley Boteach What about doing two religious paths? Will that ever work?

1:05:09🔗 Drew No, it doesn't work for the kids, and it's really the worst possible solution. Now speaking from experience, confusing for the kids and even for the parents.

1:05:18🔗 Caller Well, actually, see, I wouldn't have a problem being...

1:05:20🔗 Adam Well, wait a minute, hold on. To be fair to me, my dad practiced Santeria and my mom was pagan and everything worked out fine. I mean, there wasn't any conflict of issues there.

1:05:29🔗 Drew You guys had like a burning Chanukah Christmas tree, right? They would light the menorahs.

1:05:34🔗 Adam They would kill the Chanukah chicken.

1:05:36🔗 Drew Very confusing. And burn it's beak.

1:05:38🔗 Adam And burn it, yeah. Hey, listen, Erica, I'm going to give you just some very practical advice. It's going to make your life a lot easier, right? You convert to Judaism. It's a very solid religion. They take care of their own. They hide a lot of food. You go find it. They give you some money. It's a fantastic religion. You'll have the...

1:05:59🔗 Drew You'll be funny suddenly.

1:06:01🔗 Adam Yeah. You'll be good. Grandma will be nice to you. She'll kick off in a few years. You don't go to... You don't go to synagogue.

1:06:08🔗 Drew And most of all, when you're Jewish, you don't go to hell. We don't believe in hell.

1:06:11🔗 Adam That's right.

1:06:11🔗 Drew So suddenly you're saved from hell.

1:06:13🔗 Shmuley Boteach There's nothing afterlife though.

1:06:14🔗 Drew No, no, we believe in an afterlife. We just don't believe in a hell. It's like one guy said to me, Rabbi, how does it help me if you don't believe in it? When I get there, am I just going to say, sorry, this is a figment of my imagination? No, we believe in a place that you go to get cleansed for up to 11 months, but there's no eternal damnation. It's like a little vacation kind of thing.

1:06:31🔗 Shmuley Boteach At the Carnegie Telly. Hey, I'm in a relationship chat room at drdrew.com and a woman just called and just chatted in here. She had a mastectomy, been married four years, and since the mastectomy two years ago, she's been unable to be intimate with her husband, the advice rabbi.

1:06:45🔗 Drew She's been unable to be intimate with her husband.

1:06:47🔗 Shmuley Boteach Two years. She had a radical mastectomy, bilateral mastectomy at a young age.

1:06:52🔗 Adam Both breasts were moved.

1:06:53🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:06:54🔗 Adam Okay.

1:06:56🔗 Drew And because she feels, what did she say?

1:06:58🔗 Shmuley Boteach She's not clear, but I imagine because she feels self-conscious or maybe the husband is somehow.

1:07:02🔗 Drew Well, you know, one of the things I would advise is...

1:07:05🔗 Adam Two words, doggy style.

1:07:09🔗 Drew That's one solution.

1:07:10🔗 Adam I'll see you in hell.

1:07:11🔗 Drew No, no, no, make... That is a solution, but... Well, no, that's not a solution. Look at Birth to a Doberman. I wouldn't do that, okay? And there are... I suggest make love in the dark. You know, one of the kosher sex is about making love in the dark, where the body can slough off like a... Like a... Like a snake shedding its skin and then you make love to a personality. Jews make love in the dark because physical attraction is the first step in the sex, but after that you're supposed to be touched and feeling, as I said earlier, all the other sensate emotions become much more pronounced.

1:07:40🔗 Adam Rabbi, I send that big blonde over to your place. The light's staying on. You're kidding me? You're gonna set up... You're gonna set up a light on a tripod next to the bed. You're gonna burn your back on it.

1:07:51🔗 Drew But her comment is just an extreme form of what other women feel. Okay, fine, she had this terrible... But a lot of women feel, fine, my breasts are too small or too big or my thighs are too flabby. So that inhibition goes away specifically when you're making... And another thing people do...

1:08:07🔗 Shmuley Boteach She's come back in the chat here. This is against relationship chat at drdrew.com. She says, my husband hasn't shown any interest, even doggy style. Ooh, Adam.

1:08:13🔗 Adam Geez, sorry. I'm stumped.

1:08:15🔗 Shmuley Boteach It's really the husband. It's the husband.

1:08:16🔗 Adam Well, and I'm sure the husband is freaked out. I mean, he probably doesn't know how to approach her. It's probably a part that there's some drop in libido just because of part of her stuff being removed. But the other part is he probably just has a thousand different feelings and doesn't know what to do about it.

1:08:36🔗 Drew I think that's right.

1:08:37🔗 Adam I think they just need to come together.

1:08:39🔗 Drew Practice radical honesty and let him, in a diplomatic way and perhaps in the presence of a third party, tell her how he feels. Now, let's face it. I mean, again, to me, this is just an extreme form of what happens if women get pregnant. Something they have, they gain a lot of weight. They have this big bump and men find them unattractive or...

1:08:53🔗 Shmuley Boteach We get old. We all do.

1:08:55🔗 Drew Exactly.

1:08:56🔗 Shmuley Boteach Right. Well, listen...

1:08:57🔗 Drew Sex has to go beyond...

1:08:59🔗 Shmuley Boteach I feel so sorry for women in this country that they can't get old.

1:09:03🔗 Adam Yeah, but who is the...

1:09:03🔗 Shmuley Boteach For fear they get old, their love objects are going to drift away.

1:09:08🔗 Adam All right. But listen, wise guys, who is the joke ultimately on? You know, the people that are aging or the minions of guys that are constantly dissatisfied? And I mean, how many of those beautiful women are there to go around? Do you know what I'm saying? I mean, aren't most guys with this idealistic form of physicality going to end up disappointed? And then you feel sorry for their partners, but what about them? They go through their whole life disappointed.

1:09:35🔗 Drew Wait a second. I would even say the guys who date models and make love to models are going to end up disappointed because it's a lot more pleasurable to make love to someone with a bit of flesh than it is to a rib cage or a bag of bones. Now I'm serious.

1:09:47🔗 Adam I couldn't agree with you more. Nothing works upon a time. Once upon a time, one of those supermodels had it up to here with them. Off my penis. Now I command them.

1:09:54🔗 Caller Off.

1:09:55🔗 Drew By the way, a lot of studies show that beautiful women are really bad in bed because they never have to compensate by being great lovers. They're just visual, they're genetic celebrities. They don't, in the same way, they don't develop the personalities, they don't develop their sex routine.

1:10:06🔗 Adam Yeah, but let me explain what I need out of a beautiful woman.

1:10:09🔗 Drew See, rabbis can speak from experience, Adam. You know, what experience do you have in this?

1:10:12🔗 Adam Let me tell you something. I need as much performance out of a beautiful woman as I do out of a beautiful steak. Just hold still on that plate, let me eat you. That's what I need. Hold still and I'll get a little mouthful of potato here and now I'm taking a bite of you. I don't need them to do anything, just hold still.

1:10:30🔗 Drew All of the great masters like Ruben's, Painted Plump Women, they were the ones that were attractive a hundred years ago with a visual like this.

1:10:35🔗 Adam His wife was fat and he didn't want to piss her off. We're going to take ourselves a break. We'll be back after this.

1:10:41🔗 Back once again with it.

1:10:47🔗 Caller This is Love Line on Outrageous Top Radio 100.7 The Buzz.

1:11:17🔗 Adam This is the Loveline of Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Rabbi Shmuley Boteach is our guest tonight. He is the author of Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments.

1:11:33🔗 Drew You're getting more phlegm as the evening wears on. That's good.

1:11:35🔗 Adam I feel a cold coming on. And Kosher Sex, he is a very, very wise man, and we're glad to have him back here in the Loveline Studio.

1:11:46🔗 Drew I haven't had this much fun in years. This is great.

1:11:48🔗 Adam Yeah, it's not a bad gig, right?

1:11:51🔗 Drew Coffee, tea.

1:11:53🔗 Adam Dr. Drew and me.

1:11:54🔗 Drew Dr. Drew's website.

1:11:55🔗 Adam All right, are we going back here, Drew?

1:11:57🔗 Drew Yeah, and Adam's wearing a new shirt, according to Drew.

1:11:59🔗 Adam Oh, that's right.

1:11:59🔗 Drew And you're telling us that the Jews don't shower and all that. You haven't changed.

1:12:04🔗 Shmuley Boteach You got a shower recently. I sensed this.

1:12:06🔗 Adam I took a shower yesterday.

1:12:08🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm shocked.

1:12:10🔗 Drew The last time I was here, you were sniffing your armpit, so you're not doing that tonight.

1:12:12🔗 Adam I shaved. I shaved yesterday, so I'm good for the week. Jessica?

1:12:20🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:12:21🔗 Adam You're 20.

1:12:22🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

1:12:23🔗 Adam What's up with you?

1:12:25🔗 Caller Well, actually, I'm married to a guy. He's 37 years old. We've been married for three years. And when we got married, I was five months pregnant, but it wasn't his kid. That's a long story. Oh, boy. Anyway...

1:12:36🔗 Adam All right.

1:12:37🔗 Drew That's an insignificant detail, which we'll overlook for now.

1:12:41🔗 Adam Not a Jew. I can tell you that right now.

1:12:45🔗 Caller No, I was really irresponsible in high school and all that stuff. I got pregnant and I decided I was going to take responsibility for myself. And anyway, he came into my life and asked me to marry him so we could raise our child.

1:12:55🔗 Adam Thirty-four and seventeen. Yeah.

1:12:58🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:12:58🔗 Adam He is very, very suspect in our book. Very suspect.

1:13:03🔗 Caller Yeah. So anyway, so for the five, I was five months pregnant when we got married. And the first, until our baby was born, sex was great and everything. And then after I had the baby, like we just didn't have sex at all.

1:13:18🔗 Shmuley Boteach Right afterwards.

1:13:20🔗 Caller Not even right afterwards. I mean, even like, cause I wasn't ready for, you know, two months or whatever. And then I was ready and he just wasn't. And he hasn't been for three years. I mean, I counted for last year and probably had sex four times and it's just, it's ridiculous. And I just don't know what to do. I've, you know, I've explained to her, I told him what I liked, you know, try to get him to talk.

1:13:38🔗 Shmuley Boteach And he just, what does he say when you talk like that?

1:13:41🔗 Caller He just is like, well, you know, it's the usual, it's like the tick excuses. Well, I'm tired or I have a headache or, you know, I don't think he avoids.

1:13:48🔗 Shmuley Boteach This guy is full of ass.

1:13:49🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:13:50🔗 Shmuley Boteach No, no. But I have a very uneasy feeling about this one, Jessica.

1:13:56🔗 Caller Yeah, I just, I don't know. I mean, he's a great, he's like the best dad in the world.

1:14:00🔗 Shmuley Boteach Yeah. And that's my concern.

1:14:02🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:14:04🔗 Adam Really? Yes.

1:14:06🔗 Shmuley Boteach I'm just getting that vibe big time from Jessica. Jessica, what's your, why we used to screwed up in high school?

1:14:13🔗 Caller I was, I was just was, I didn't go to school and it wasn't just, I just didn't, it was just boring because I'm really smart.

1:14:19🔗 Adam No, no, really smart chicks. Don't get knocked up at fifteen and a half and marry thirty four year olds, you idiot.

1:14:26🔗 Caller I know, I know.

1:14:27🔗 Adam How smart could you be and what's that make everyone else? Everyone else has to be retards if you're, if you're smart. No, it's not that.

1:14:34🔗 Caller It's just, it's, I just, it was stupid.

1:14:37🔗 Drew Maybe she wanted to be loved and maybe this is the only way she thought she could be loved. A lot of people.

1:14:41🔗 Shmuley Boteach That's what worries us. That's what we're getting after.

1:14:43🔗 Adam Where's your dad, Jessica?

1:14:45🔗 Caller Oh, well, he lives in the same town as I do, but I hardly ever talked to him.

1:14:48🔗 Shmuley Boteach Why did he leave and when, how old were you?

1:14:51🔗 Caller Probably when I was about twelve. Why? I mean, we saw him off and on and like he'd come back and like one time he, I left with him like in the middle of the night from my mom's house. And why? I went and lived with him.

1:15:02🔗 Shmuley Boteach And why?

1:15:04🔗 Caller Probably because it's like, because I always try to make him love me. Because like my mom is totally unconditional love. But with my dad, it's like you had to work for it and you wanted him to be there.

1:15:17🔗 Adam Do you have any step dads?

1:15:20🔗 Caller Yeah, I did. I actually had a really cool step dad. But I think he got there a little bit too late. He came into the picture when I was about 15 and I was already.

1:15:28🔗 Adam You can't use the F word there, Jessica.

1:15:30🔗 Shmuley Boteach What do you mean you're F'd up?

1:15:32🔗 Caller Yeah, well, yeah. Oh, yeah, sorry. I was, by the time we moved in with him, I was already, you know, a freshman in high school. Smoking pot with my friend.

1:15:42🔗 Shmuley Boteach Why? What was it, Larry? Why did he leave? Why did he leave?

1:15:46🔗 Adam Dad?

1:15:47🔗 Caller Oh, my dad?

1:15:47🔗 Shmuley Boteach Yeah, why did he leave?

1:15:48🔗 Caller Oh, well, you left him.

1:15:50🔗 Shmuley Boteach Why?

1:15:50🔗 Caller Because he was an ass.

1:15:51🔗 Shmuley Boteach What did he do?

1:15:53🔗 Caller He did drugs and he was just, you know.

1:15:56🔗 Shmuley Boteach What drugs did he do?

1:15:57🔗 Caller He wasn't ever, I mean, he was physical abusive, like when we were really young, I didn't really remember it, but he was very verbally, verbally abusive.

1:16:04🔗 Shmuley Boteach What drugs did he do?

1:16:06🔗 Caller Just, you know, constantly. It's just, it's hard to explain. Just, you know, the normal yelling all the time.

1:16:12🔗 Shmuley Boteach What drugs did he do? What drugs did he do?

1:16:14🔗 Caller Um, I didn't really ever know some new drugs. And later when my mom told me, I guess he was doing cocaine and pot.

1:16:20🔗 Adam All right.

1:16:20🔗 Shmuley Boteach Okay. Um, I am very, is there any suspicion that he sexually abused you or your sister?

1:16:27🔗 Caller No, that was me and my brother. No, no, no.

1:16:30🔗 Adam What about this husband of yours? What's he do for a living?

1:16:34🔗 Caller He's a lawyer.

1:16:34🔗 Adam No. Who? Oh.

1:16:38🔗 Caller I mean, I mean.

1:16:40🔗 Adam But wait a minute. Wait a minute. The guy's a 34 year old lawyer. Mary's a 17 year old. Yeah. This is a, hold on a second. See, this is worse. I'd rather just have a construction worker or a miner.

1:16:51🔗 Shmuley Boteach That would make sense.

1:16:52🔗 Adam Cause this guy is now diabolical crazy.

1:16:55🔗 Shmuley Boteach Yes.

1:16:55🔗 Adam There's, we normally have just sort of stupid crazy. Also, they get drunk. They like to tear it up a little.

1:17:01🔗 Drew This guy's methodical. He's a diabolical.

1:17:03🔗 Adam Yeah, this guy's mad scientist crazy.

1:17:05🔗 Shmuley Boteach Yeah, diabolical.

1:17:05🔗 Adam Take over the world crazy.

1:17:07🔗 Shmuley Boteach But.

1:17:07🔗 Adam I don't trust these guys.

1:17:08🔗 Shmuley Boteach Raise my abuse farm crazy. Not interested in my wife anymore. Totally devoted father.

1:17:15🔗 Adam Yeah, to someone who's not his own blood child.

1:17:19🔗 Shmuley Boteach This is what's going on here.

1:17:20🔗 Adam Yeah, I don't know.

1:17:21🔗 Shmuley Boteach It gives me the creeps like I can't tell you.

1:17:24🔗 Adam Yeah, I know, but you get the creeps very easily. Jessica?

1:17:28🔗 Drew Well Jessica, do you think there's any truth to that? Is that something you suspect?

1:17:33🔗 Caller That I get creeps?

1:17:34🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:17:35🔗 Drew Does he give you the creeps? Or are you just upset that you feel neglected? That you feel he's no longer attracted to you?

1:17:42🔗 Caller Well, I guess it's kind of a little bit of both. Because like when I was in high school, I went out with this guy basically throughout high school. And later on, like I was talking to my mom. She goes, it wasn't good for you to be with him because he was very egocentric. And you know, he was never there. And you just chased after him and chased after him.

1:17:59🔗 Drew What Drew is saying to you is that you were a kid when you dated him and then he married you. Yeah, you were a child. And now when you were growing up, he seems to have lost interest in you and that is suspect. You become an adult and suddenly he loses interest. That's what an alarm bell should be going off.

1:18:16🔗 Caller Yeah, and I told him I wanted a divorce like a couple of weeks ago because I met this guy at a bar.

1:18:22🔗 Shmuley Boteach Oh my God.

1:18:23🔗 Caller No, but what am I supposed to do?

1:18:25🔗 Adam Thank God, mama.

1:18:27🔗 Drew As the conversation goes on, this becomes more and more of a sofa. But you met another guy, so you're more interested in him. So why are you complaining about the loss of sex in your marriage when you've lost interest in your husband and you're actually focused on somebody else?

1:18:37🔗 Caller Because I'm not really focused on him. It's just nice to be wanted and I want to...

1:18:40🔗 Shmuley Boteach That's what women do. They will cheat when they have to.

1:18:42🔗 Adam Hey, listen, if you want to save your marriage, you better want a therapist.

1:18:47🔗 Shmuley Boteach Yes.

1:18:48🔗 Adam They want your money and you want their sofa. So go over there.

1:18:52🔗 Shmuley Boteach I am very concerned...

1:18:53🔗 Adam With or without him. And do you think there's any way that you...

1:18:56🔗 Caller So I could just go by myself.

1:18:58🔗 Adam Quiet down and listen. Listen to me. Do you think that your husband may be doing anything inappropriate to your son or daughter?

1:19:08🔗 Caller No. I have two little boys. I mean...

1:19:10🔗 Adam You had to have another one. You know what I mean? You couldn't wait till you were 19. You had to get pregnant again, goofball.

1:19:19🔗 Shmuley Boteach Oh my God.

1:19:20🔗 Adam It's scary. It's scary. And I hate it when they have boys because they become criminals. At least the women have the dignity to go into pornography. The men we have to deal with who become violent, you know?

1:19:31🔗 Drew But one thing is, I mean, it seems...

1:19:32🔗 Caller My brother's growing up great. He's in drama. He's a great actor. And he seems well, actually. Your brother?

1:19:37🔗 Drew All right. But Jessica, you seem addicted to the need for love. And often you're finding it inappropriately. As soon as you have a problem with your husband, even let's say it was a healthy relationship, but there's a problem, you're immediately running to bars looking for other people. Either you're going to decide to work this thing through, or you're going to decide that for the rest of your life you're going to find the first addictive kind of love that comes along and that's never going to satisfy you. So working it through with a therapist really sounds like the right thing to do.

1:20:00🔗 Adam Yes, with or without him. You need to go sep- shut up. You need to go separately and together. And if he won't go with you, you go alone. All right? On behalf of your two children and get your tubes tied. And I don't want it in a slip knot. I want it in a sheep shank. Do you hear me? One that will never come done. And I don't want to cauterize with one of those little electric prongs. I want the guy to take a Cuban cigar and cauterize that. I want the guy... I want you to get it in Havana. This procedure.

1:20:34🔗 Drew Well, you know, it's very interesting that, you know, Sigmund Freud came up with this theory of the edible complex, which basically was the idea that women or girls were fantasizing about sex with their fathers and fantasizing about being abused by their fathers. And based on that, all the psychoanalysis was born. Later, it was discovered...

1:20:51🔗 Shmuley Boteach They were...

1:20:51🔗 Drew .that they actually were abused.

1:20:53🔗 Shmuley Boteach Yes. Yes.

1:20:54🔗 Drew So Drew is allowing the alarm bell to go off on a lot of people. But unfortunately, for many people, it's actually the reality.

1:21:00🔗 Shmuley Boteach That's so common.

1:21:01🔗 Adam Quinn? Yeah? You're 18?

1:21:03🔗 Drew What's wrong with men? Why is this?

1:21:05🔗 Adam What is that?

1:21:05🔗 Drew Especially now?

1:21:07🔗 Adam I'm sorry, what? What is going on with you?

1:21:09🔗 Caller Well, I called and I asked a different question because I was a little bit embarrassed to actually ask it to a lady. My real question is, I was abused by my father when I was a child and I have my suspicions that it's affecting my relationships now because every time I get into a relationship, the relationship will only go for about a year and by the time a year is come, I want to get out of it at all costs, all costs necessary. Nothing will stop me from getting out of this relationship. I'm wondering if this is some kind of cycle that I've developed through being traumatized as a small child by my father.

1:21:44🔗 Shmuley Boteach How were you traumatized?

1:21:45🔗 Caller My father was, my parents divorced when I was about nine years old and I started living with my father and from the ages of nine to seventeen my father was a drunk and he just, he was very, very physically abusive to me.

1:21:59🔗 Adam Okay, Gwen, just because we spent so much time on the last call, I'm sorry you're going to get a little short shrift here, but it is definitely affecting you.

1:22:09🔗 Shmuley Boteach Of course, there's no way it couldn't.

1:22:11🔗 Adam Now, let me explain something and pay you a compliment, Gwen. You may have had a bad go of things as a child, just like our last caller had a bad go of things as a child, and you may not have had any therapy, just like our last caller may not have had any therapy, but you clearly have a higher intelligence level, which is going to enable you to seek out therapy and to help yourself. Being smarter doesn't help you get out of your problem by figuring it out, it just makes you smart enough to know you need help most of the time. And Drew hates it when I talk this way, but it is absolutely true. You take a dumb person that got their ass whipped as a kid, and they're just going to hatch a bunch of other idiots and whip their ass. You get a smarter person, I mean Gwen is 18 years old, she's already figured out her pattern, and I never worry about the Gwen's of the world. No matter how much abuse they suffered at the hands of their horrible parents, I don't worry about the Gwen's of the world. She's not going to have five kids, she's not going to repeat this syndrome, she's going to get into therapy, she'll actually be better off than someone who didn't have the abuse and didn't get into the therapy.

1:23:17🔗 Drew Well, the intelligence to identify the problem doesn't necessarily bring about the will to actually implement some reparatory therapy.

1:23:24🔗 Adam But some people have a healing intelligence, and others don't. They seek out knowledge. They want, I mean, if you really look at it, what is the difference between an animal and a human? What's the difference between an evolved human and a chromaginium human? Somebody who realizes they have a few things that need to be corrected and seek it out instead of drown it in pot and booze.

1:23:49🔗 Drew Yeah, but look, you could be super intelligent like Bill Clinton and continue to make the same mistakes. And he's one of the brightest guys around. The fact is that you have to know what the nature of the problem is and then identify your deepest desires. Now, if your desire is to sustain an intimate relationship, know that what sexual abuse often does is, since you can't stop them from abusing you, you're young and you're vulnerable, what you can do is you take your heart and you put in a little box inside and say, look, you could have my body, but my heart you're never going to have. And that leaves the problems of intimacy later because you can give your body to a guy and you can have this relationship, but you won't give your heart and you won't open up. You get, you know, physically naked, but rarely will you get emotionally naked. Now, emotional nakedness is not just a problem of people who have been abused. Today, in a very impersonal universe ruled by technology and television and all this other stuff, people find it difficult to open up. So it's something that all of us need therapy about, be it, you know, professional therapy or just having a good friend. And it takes practice. Learn to trust.

1:24:37🔗 Adam I'm with the rabbi. I put my scrotum in the sock drawer and I say to my ladies, is that what he said?

1:24:44🔗 Caller Is it different?

1:24:45🔗 Adam I wasn't listening, but I'm with you on putting stuff in the drawer. I'm so down with that. All right. We're going to have to take ourselves a little break.

1:24:51🔗 Drew I don't know if for you it was detachable, but that's interesting.

1:24:54🔗 Adam Oh, absolutely. When we get back this week to Michelle's 23, had sex three days ago, condom fell off, wants to know what to do now. We'll tell her what to do after this.

1:25:08🔗 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. We'll be right back.

1:25:15🔗 Caller This is Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz. This is Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz.

1:25:41🔗 Adam This is Loveline. Adam Corolla is Dr. Drew. Our guest tonight is Rabbi Shmuley Boteach.

1:25:49🔗 Drew By the end of the evening, you're going to be asphyxiated. You're going to be gasping for air.

1:25:53🔗 Adam I'm trying to time it that way so I don't have to do tomorrow's show. Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments is one of his books. I must mention that tomorrow night Molly Culver will be in here from VIP.

1:26:06🔗 Shmuley Boteach Oh, you must be excited, Adam.

1:26:09🔗 Adam Yes, she really is. She has beautiful auburn hair and she is intelligent.

1:26:15🔗 Drew I thought I was the object of your desire and now I've been instantly replaced by...

1:26:19🔗 Adam No, not instantly. You'll get some tonight. No, you'll believe every second of a rabbi.

1:26:25🔗 Drew First you tell me that the rabbis are all addicted to these leggy blondes and now one-eyed, eyebrowed talk show hosts are what I'm after.

1:26:34🔗 Adam That's right. Well, in a pinch, you know. Michelle?

1:26:37🔗 Yes?

1:26:38🔗 Adam You're 23. What's that?

1:26:41🔗 Caller My family just came home and they're listening to the radio, so I really don't want them to know what my question is about.

1:26:46🔗 Shmuley Boteach Well...

1:26:48🔗 Caller Is it possible I can talk to you off the air?

1:26:49🔗 Adam I think we can answer your question without saying what your question was.

1:26:54🔗 Shmuley Boteach One-eight-eight-eight, not too late. That's the phone number you call.

1:26:59🔗 Caller I live in Canada.

1:26:59🔗 Shmuley Boteach Near Washington border?

1:27:02🔗 Caller Pardon me?

1:27:02🔗 Adam Where in Canada do you live?

1:27:03🔗 Caller Right across from Detroit in Windsor.

1:27:07🔗 Adam You still, I mean, all right, let's see. Let me just try to figure this thing out.

1:27:17🔗 Drew That was three days ago.

1:27:19🔗 Adam Three days ago.

1:27:20🔗 Drew Very adroit here.

1:27:21🔗 Shmuley Boteach Saturday. What time of day?

1:27:24🔗 Caller It was that night, Saturday night.

1:27:26🔗 Drew Sunday, Monday.

1:27:26🔗 Shmuley Boteach So you have tomorrow. You get your hands on something. Okay. There are routine versions of this that used in slightly different ways within that first three days after this has happened that can protect you.

1:27:42🔗 Adam Okay.

1:27:44🔗 Caller Is that available in Canada?

1:27:46🔗 Shmuley Boteach Absolutely. Can I give you some names?

1:27:50🔗 Caller Sure.

1:27:51🔗 Shmuley Boteach Low Oval, Oval. These are usual birth control pills. You just use them in a slightly different way. Supervised by your doctor.

1:27:57🔗 Caller Okay.

1:27:58🔗 Shmuley Boteach But tomorrow.

1:27:59🔗 Adam Why did you pair it? Your parents came home and turned the radio on?

1:28:03🔗 Caller My brothers.

1:28:04🔗 Adam All right. Well, listen, they...

1:28:06🔗 Drew You have fans. What are you complaining about?

1:28:07🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:28:07🔗 Adam Listen, I had to come to grips with my sister being a slut many years ago. And it's important that they do that too.

1:28:15🔗 Caller It's only been a whole five times.

1:28:17🔗 Adam You know what I'm talking... All right. All right. It's good that they're listening. Hey, fellas, if you're listening, put two zeros behind that five and there's your number. All right, Michelle, good luck to you.

1:28:27🔗 Caller Well, thank you.

1:28:27🔗 Adam Take care of business. And do you listen to us on the Detroit station?

1:28:32🔗 Caller I listen, yes, on 97.1 WKRK.

1:28:35🔗 Adam WKRK. The big crack.

1:28:38🔗 Drew W.

1:28:39🔗 Adam Crack? The big crack. All right. The wide crack. It's one of our favorite affiliates. Craig?

1:28:45🔗 Caller Holy crap.

1:28:46🔗 Adam You're 16. What's up?

1:28:48🔗 Caller All right. This is a pleasure talking to you guys.

1:28:51🔗 Adam Good to speak to you, Craig.

1:28:52🔗 Drew Is that the way you normally react to some pleasurable experience?

1:28:56🔗 Adam They were taught that in finishing school.

1:28:58🔗 Drew Radio God.

1:28:59🔗 Shmuley Boteach He just put the bong down.

1:29:00🔗 Adam That's what I like.

1:29:02🔗 Caller Huh?

1:29:02🔗 Adam How much weed do you smoke, Craig?

1:29:04🔗 Caller Last weekend I smoked a bad nounce.

1:29:07🔗 Adam Yeah. Wow.

1:29:08🔗 Drew Are you sure?

1:29:09🔗 Shmuley Boteach There are still effects now.

1:29:10🔗 Drew Are you sure it wasn't a kilo?

1:29:12🔗 Caller No, no.

1:29:14🔗 Drew Was that a Jewish hounce?

1:29:15🔗 Adam Let me tell you something. An hounce is plenty of weed. Plenty.

1:29:18🔗 Caller Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, it was the three, four, four heads.

1:29:22🔗 Adam All right.

1:29:23🔗 Caller All right. I just want to say Dr. Drew, Adam, Rabbi, y'all kick.

1:29:28🔗 Adam Thank you.

1:29:29🔗 Shmuley Boteach Craig, what's your question?

1:29:30🔗 Drew I assume that's a compliment.

1:29:31🔗 Caller No, I'm really nervous right now. So, okay, the deal. My girlfriend and I, we've been going out for about a year and a half now, and we'll go, we're, and I began-

1:29:43🔗 Shmuley Boteach What did he just say?

1:29:44🔗 Caller Huh?

1:29:44🔗 Adam I don't know.

1:29:45🔗 Shmuley Boteach Go ahead.

1:29:46🔗 Caller Okay.

1:29:46🔗 Adam Hurry.

1:29:48🔗 Caller Yeah, we went out for about a year and a half, and then we broke up.

1:29:52🔗 Adam Right.

1:29:53🔗 Caller Because I was getting jealous, which it's a bad trait about me, which I really need to get rid of. All right.

1:29:59🔗 Adam Hold on there, Craig, speaking of getting rid of, always jealous of girlfriend's friends, so she dumped him. Now he wants to try to get back with her.

1:30:08🔗 Drew Yeah. So he's overly, overly zealous in his jealousy, and I guess she feels claustrophobic and trapped, and so she dumped him, and now he wants that. You want to learn how to mellow? Is that it?

1:30:16🔗 Adam No. I put him on hold because he doesn't need, if he mellowed out anymore, he'd be dead. Here's what I want to say to all guys and all women who are attempting to get people back. This is never the answer you want to hear, but it's the truth. Craig, if you want to get her back or just get anyone in the future, settle back on the weed. Do not smoke a bale of weed every weekend. A, number one, you don't think it affects you? It greatly affects you. Especially jealousy.

1:30:45🔗 Shmuley Boteach He opened his mouth and I heard it.

1:30:47🔗 Drew It magnifies jealousy. For sure.

1:30:50🔗 Adam Usually, Drew makes you paranoid. Drew catches it on the exhale. With Craig, it was on the inhale. It's like, I'm a fan. Stone. Okay. Listen, everybody. Stop working on everyone else and start working on yourself. Read a book. Stop the weed so much. Start going to the gym. Do better in school. Build yourself up and maybe a fly will land on you. Do you know what I'm saying?

1:31:15🔗 Drew Yeah, that's a very inspiring message.

1:31:16🔗 Adam Everyone goes on, well, no, I mean, okay, forget about fly. Hummingbird. You want a hummingbird to put its pecker in you? You know what I'm talking about. You gotta blossom. You can't just be a weed chasing a hummingbird around. That's what they do. I need a strategy to knock this hummingbird down. That's what they think. Uh-uh. Here's the strategy. You blossom and let the hummingbirds come to you. There you go.

1:31:40🔗 Drew But his question about, even without the weed, his question about wanting to possess his girlfriend to such an extent that she feels isolated from her friends is something that happens a lot. Because for a lot of people, they just don't understand a relationship is not where you become, you develop an exclusive love. It's an inclusive love. If your relationship is leading you to cut off from parents and friends and everything, there's something wrong. It means that you guys are sort of isolating yourself, building this cocoon.

1:32:02🔗 Adam And whatever it is that stopped you guys from having a relationship in the first place will stop you from having it again three weeks later. All you've done is work on her and you don't work on yourself. Work on yourself, everyone, believe me. And me. Tim? Because I don't want to do it. You're 24.

1:32:20🔗 Caller I have a question for the rabbi, actually.

1:32:22🔗 Adam Your Jewish girlfriend wants to get you circumcised?

1:32:24🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:32:26🔗 Drew Are you not circumcised?

1:32:27🔗 Caller No.

1:32:28🔗 Caller I love her dearly and that's kind of like the only problem.

1:32:30🔗 Drew But wait a second. Are you guys considering marriage?

1:32:34🔗 Caller Oh yeah, yeah.

1:32:35🔗 Drew Oh, so she wants you to convert and circumcision is part of the...

1:32:37🔗 Caller She said that very nonchalantly and I was like, well honey, that's kind of a big deal.

1:32:41🔗 Drew Well, I'll tell you, Tim, you know, there's a... Let me tell you about the Jewish optimists.

1:32:45🔗 Adam You don't have to lose your foreskin to convert, do you? No.

1:32:47🔗 Drew Well, I'll tell you all about this.

1:32:49🔗 Adam Quickly.

1:32:50🔗 Drew The Jewish pessimist is the guy who says things are so bad they can't get any worse. The Jewish optimist is the guy who says, oh yes they can, okay? The Jews are optimists. Before, you know, we, we, we, at eight days old, before anything is given a chance to blossom, to use Adam's expression, we take off the foreskin. And the symbolism, of course, is that we take off the part of the body which can grow, which is insensitive and all of that. And you cannot become a Jew without circumcision. If you're considering it, then the snip-snip is going to be an integral part. Now...

1:33:19🔗 Adam You cannot convert to the religion with a foreskin.

1:33:23🔗 Drew That's right.

1:33:23🔗 Adam Is it on the application? Do they need to see it? Who inspects that? The foreskin?

1:33:28🔗 Drew The rabbis. What do you think they do with my day?

1:33:30🔗 Adam Oh, what a gig. Did they just put it through a hole in the side of the inspection booth or do you have to see their...

1:33:37🔗 Drew No, we just tell them to wear pants that are so tight you can tell they're religionless. How would they actually know?

1:33:41🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:33:41🔗 Drew Then you're circumcised. You just called and said you're not circumcised. Right, right. I take you at your... If you want an inspection...

1:33:46🔗 Adam No, how do they know? How do...

1:33:48🔗 Drew Look, before you become Jewish, you have to be circumcised and subject yourself to a full cavity search by about a team of ten rabbis, okay? We work in airports.

1:33:57🔗 Adam Tim, let me talk to Tim.

1:33:59🔗 Drew First of all, conversion is a serious thing. I'm joking about it. But it means that you join a people. And part of the seed of Abraham and the symbol of the seed of Abraham was that they allowed the skin to be removed to show that sex was something glorified and devoted to love and not to...

1:34:14🔗 Caller I'm talking about just for marriage.

1:34:16🔗 Adam Just to actually do the marriage?

1:34:17🔗 Caller Yeah, that's like she kind of brought that up as just something she expected.

1:34:20🔗 Adam All right, let's listen.

1:34:22🔗 Shmuley Boteach She's talking about the conversion.

1:34:23🔗 Adam Tim.

1:34:24🔗 Drew Yeah, she's talking about conversion.

1:34:25🔗 Adam Tim, listen to me, brother.

1:34:26🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:34:28🔗 Adam This is your friend, the Goyim radio show host speaking here.

1:34:31🔗 Drew He's protecting you here against this rabbi wielding a knife.

1:34:33🔗 Caller Are you an uncircumcised brother?

1:34:34🔗 Adam Yes. Now listen to me. Let me tell you that this is trouble. Before the marriage, she's asking for the foreskin. These Jewish women, they are ballbusters. And if this is just a glimpse at the future, you're in for a world of hurt. Listen to me, you need to put your big, white, Anglo, God-fearing foot down right now. Do you understand? Because you are heading down a very dark and scary road, my friend.

1:35:06🔗 Drew Tim, do you love her?

1:35:07🔗 Caller Yeah, but I do, and that's why I...

1:35:09🔗 Drew Do you love her enough to lose your foreskin? In other words, first of all, she can tell you to convert unless you're serious about becoming Jewish. Judaism is a serious commitment. It's about laws and rituals and traditions and practices. And circumcision alone ain't going to do it. And I think you have to tell her that because she's taking this very, very simplistic view of the whole thing. Religion is about living a life according to convictions and beliefs. And if you don't have them, the circumcision is absolutely meaningless. You're going to cut something and get nothing in return. It's a bad deal.

1:35:35🔗 Adam All right, we'll take a break. Well, you get a nice bracelet. We'll be back after this.

1:35:44🔗 Caller We'll be right back with more.

1:35:47🔗 Caller This is Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz.

1:35:58🔗 Caller Well, now, this has been Loveline.

1:36:00🔗 Caller The stuff expressed on Loveline is not necessarily the stuff of the staff, management, sponsors, or anyone else, including Westwood One Entertainment. Loveline is produced by Ann Wilkins and Gold. Now, please enjoy these birds.

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