8:42🔗
Voiceover
Yes, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Facts number 3108-54-4455. Dr. Drew's a board certified physician.
8:53🔗
I'm an addiction management.
9:02🔗
Adam
Good to see you, Bobby. Bobby is here promoting amongst other things his improv appearance, 15th through the 19th of March. It's Irvine Improv.
9:13🔗
Bobby Slayton
And of course the next week at DC. But more important, fellas, I'm not here to promote. I'm here to see you. I'm here to talk to the young people about sex. I know that everybody comes on here to promote their CDs and what they're doing. We can get to that later. But more important, I know you guys are a little jaded. You've talked to a lot of people. I know I'm here to help you out tonight. Because let me explain something to you. The last time I did the show was years ago, Adam, before you were on board. And the only time I really get to listen to the show is like when I'm driving back from Irvine, the Improv, which by the way, I'll be playing next weekend, like you mentioned.
9:38🔗
Bobby Slayton
There you go. And every Sunday night, I'll do my show and I'll be driving back about 10 o'clock at night and I'll always put the show on. And I gotta give Dr. Drew a lot of credit because, you know, you really do give people advice. And it's amazing to me because some of these people that call up, this is why I can never, of course, you're a doctor, you have that kind of, you know, the diploma right there on the wall. But it's amazing to me when I was a teenager. Right here. Yeah, right there. When I was a teenager, you know what? I'll be the first to admit, I didn't know that much about sex. I've been married 12 years and I probably still don't know what all there is. But you get some of these retards that call up. It's amazing to me that, you know, you get like some girl call up. You know, me and my boyfriend had phone sex and he had an orgasm. If he's in another city, can I get pregnant? And you'll sit there and you'll talk to these people. What's it?
10:20🔗
Bobby Slayton
I know he doesn't. I love to hear. But that's why you're here. Sort of like, you know, he's Siegfried, you're Roy. You need that counterbalance between the two of you.
10:39🔗
Bobby Slayton
So now you guys know, you're going to cover any particular subject tonight. You just make me take phone calls, let people talk about whatever they want to talk about.
10:45🔗
Adam
Here they are. Well Bobby, there they are. They're up on the screen, and Drew puts his little stick-em arrow to the one he wants me to push, and I push it. I have difficulty reading, and sometimes I get distracted, so I let him read it, and I just trust his poor judgment. So for instance, I see it pointing to line five with Sarah, who's 19, and we'll find out what her problem is, Sarah.
11:07🔗
Caller
Hi. Yeah. There's a guy that I work with. He is my boss. I only work every so often for this place, but...
11:26🔗
Adam
No, no, no. She walks around with this stick with a nail at the end of it picking up garbage. She only shows up like after the fair and stuff like that. Is that what you're saying?
11:39🔗
Caller
I help with the kids. I'm a volunteer program assistant. I do a lot of other stuff, like inclusion stuff. Anyway, the thing is that, you know, I'm 19 and he is between, I don't know if he's 31 or 32, but we do flirt and we rub up against each other. And I really do like him. And I kind of want, I really want to get together with him. But the people that I work with do not like him. Like the close people that I'm with really do not like him.
12:17🔗
Adam
Shouldn't you trust them? I mean, they work with him every day. You just see him once a month.
12:32🔗
Drew
Wait a minute. Even if they were exactly the same age, I would have a problem with this.
12:36🔗
Adam
Why? She shows up once a month and hands out a utility ball to some retarded kid. Come on.
12:52🔗
Drew
He's rubbing up against a 19-year-old employee, which he's responsible for, a supervisor capacity. I mean, this is outside-the-box behavior.
13:00🔗
Adam
He was a recipient of the Golden Retainer Medallion, which is given out to outstanding park service employees.
13:08🔗
Oh, well, I'll put it this way.
13:17🔗
Caller
My dad's alcoholic, dad's gone. Mom, mom's really screwed up in the head. Adam hates her.
13:32🔗
Caller
Mom, I'm so mad at you. I was sexually abused as a kid by a cousin. My mom told me that it would be okay. I wouldn't have to see him again.
13:48🔗
Adam
All right. So this guy is weird. It's only because you're so whacked out that you're attracted to him.
13:53🔗
Caller
And you know, I'm trying so much to do well. And it's like, I don't know. Something just comes over me and I just like freak out. My head goes to 40.
14:01🔗
Adam
Listen to me. If you are attracted to someone, do not get near them. You understand? That's the rule. That's how it goes. No, that's it. You know, some people are like horrible gamblers. So you say to them, what are you putting your money on? Red or black? And they go, red. And you go, good. I'm going with black. You know what I'm talking about? You know the opposite of what they do just because they're cursed. This is what a lot of our listeners have to do. They're sexually abused. Dad was an alcoholic. Mom was abusive. Now, magically, they're attracted to some A-hole at the park. Everyone at the office is saying, this guy is a screwball. Get away from him. Sarah's attracted to him. Who do you think is right? There you go. Steve? Ace up. You're 15. Yeah. What's up?
14:52🔗
What?
14:58🔗
Yeah. Right.
15:09🔗
I um like a mom and I have to call my girlfriend.
15:12🔗
I have an old sex with my cousin.
15:15🔗
We don't believe it.
15:20🔗
You're being rude now.
15:27🔗
Yeah.
15:28🔗
Adam
Next time you call up, come up with a story about you having sex with your girlfriend's mom.
15:38🔗
Bobby Slayton
Because you always read about those. I hear people calling you guys about it. You read about them, Playboy and Penthouse. But I don't know anybody that's ever done that. It was something, the scenario. I come home and my girlfriend's mom is waiting for me. And then the girlfriend comes home and sometimes it's the three of them. And that whole girlfriend mother scenario. Do people really do that?
15:55🔗
Drew
No, we had the one. Remember that one? That guy was really disturbed by it. Remember? He was playing his...
16:02🔗
Drew
What was that? He was out watching television or something or his friend was out. It was his friend's mom and his friend was watching television as his mom.
16:10🔗
Adam
Once in a while, a guy will get his own step mom. Like dad is in his 60s. He marries the trophy wife. She's 28. She's getting bored. Son comes home from college. Nuts and bored. Same thing. Dave? Yeah? You're 13. What's up?
17:17🔗
Adam
Formally known as the smelliest part of your body. That is not the chode. To me, the chode is the penis, which is short for choda, which is like, you know, which is barrio talk for Wang.
17:37🔗
Adam
Let's have some gang members call up and tell us. Anyone from Los Angeles should know what choda is.
17:45🔗
Yeah.
17:49🔗
Okay. Thank you.
17:50🔗
Adam
Thank you. Very important. I'm guessing he's writing some sort of report. For school. Adam?
17:59🔗
Caller
Listen, I have a very, very big problem. I hope you guys can help me out. All right. I went on one of these talk lines, you know?
18:09🔗
Caller
And I met this one girl off of it. All right. I've been with her for like three months.
18:35🔗
Caller
No, my friends make fun of me. Do they call her like social security hag and stuff? What do you do?
18:59🔗
Caller
I've never been on radio, man. I'm like, dude, this is my last resort, dude. I felt like calling a cop to get a restraining order on this girl, you know? She told me, no, she told me if we have sex.
19:24🔗
Caller
No, but I mean, here, listen, guys, all right, you get an older girl, all right, you think you're going to do it to be cool with your friends, you know, all right, wham, I hit an older girl. Then the older girl, being me, being stupid, you know, I gave home numbers and stuff like that.
19:42🔗
Adam
Hey, listen, screwball, you can't use the F word. It's funny though, he did say being stupid and then use the F word. Now, is that bogus too or what was his question?
19:53🔗
Drew
The real is that this 38-year-old woman he hooked up with is becoming a stalker basically.
20:03🔗
Bobby Slayton
I would have loved that when I was 22. None of this stuff ever happened to me. None of this stuff.
20:14🔗
Bobby Slayton
Well, you know what? A lot of that stuff sounds good to like threesomes. It's supposed to be every guy's fantasy. On paper, it looks good. But in reality, what is it, Adam? It's two women you have to talk to after. How much does that suck?
20:27🔗
Bobby Slayton
Oh, but I've never done this. But if there were two women, there was a woman on each side of me, and they started talking to each other, and I'm caught in the middle. It's really not worth the aggravation.
20:44🔗
Caller
Well, I was wondering, I've tried taking several different birth control pills, and all of them end up making me sick, like nauseous morning sickness. But instead of going away after a couple of months, like it's supposed to, it just progressively gets worse.
21:04🔗
Caller
Well, Estra Step is what I'm on now, I've tried Ortho Tri-Cyclin, and I've tried about three others, but I honestly don't remember them.
21:25🔗
Adam
Why don't they just put little boobs on the pills? Big would be high dose of estrogen, smaller, like a Japanese size breast. No, an actual little breast.
21:52🔗
Caller
Well, see, that's the thing is I go to a university and so I go to the clinic there and she doesn't, I don't think that she really is taking it seriously. She just keeps prescribing.
22:02🔗
Adam
Well, give her credit. It's not that she's not taking you seriously. It's that she doesn't care.
22:11🔗
Caller
Yeah, she is a gynecologist, but you mean one that's not associated with the clinic, I guess.
22:17🔗
Caller
No, no, it is an actual gynecologist. I mean, I get my yearly exams and everything from her.
22:26🔗
Caller
Well, that's what I was wondering. I did think about that, but if I'm having problems with the pills, I was kind of scared to do that and my system hurts.
22:33🔗
Drew
It would be very difficult. You need to go back to the drawing board. Like with any other relationship with a physician, you need to be sure you're getting hurt. And if you don't feel like somebody is listening to you or that they're taking you seriously, then that's time to get another opinion.
22:47🔗
Adam
Yeah, but listen, here's the deal. You're getting free whatever. You fill in the blank, whether it's automotive work or free house painting, whatever it is, and you tell the person to F off because you're indignant with their work. Do they care? You know what I mean? I mean, why do you think you get crappy care at a clinic? It's free. What are you going to do? What are you going to do, write a letter? This is an outrage. It cost me no money and I had to wait in line. You know what I mean? Of course you get crappy care. You should. James?
23:25🔗
Caller
I, let's see, I slept with my girlfriend earlier and I'm pretty sure she's probably pregnant because I didn't use a condom. It was kind of stupid.
23:49🔗
Drew
Well, there's two stupid parts of this. One is not having to use the morning after pill when you've done that. And secondly, is it obsessing about something you don't know has actually occurred yet?
24:01🔗
Caller
Yeah. Well, I'm wondering like if she does turn up pregnant, like let's see, what can I like do, like take her to the hospital or something or what?
24:42🔗
Adam
Okay. Hey, James? Yeah. If she's pregnant, then you can either get an abortion or have the child adopted, or you can take care of it yourself.
24:53🔗
Bobby Slayton
Or take off, join the witness relocation program and start a new life. You're young.
25:05🔗
Caller
Okay. All right. Well, there's like nothing basically I can like do to like keep it from her parents or what.
25:33🔗
Drew
There's some quicker ones now. I want to look into this. What's available over the county? I think there's stuff that's available like in a week now.
25:44🔗
Adam
And those are two weeks. But now I'm guessing they have more expensive ones that you can get?
25:54🔗
Adam
I want to go to that part of the thrifties that involves urine. That's my favorite part. The diapers, the bags, the test, stuff you pee on. Why can't there be something, a stick, that a guy pees on for a test? I mean, that's a good time. I mean, think how fast I would take that test. You know, hold the stick out and take a... It's just an excuse to pee on something.
26:15🔗
Pee on this stick.
26:18🔗
Drew
I'm just trying to think, what would guys recreate? What would they be looking for to have tested?
26:22🔗
Adam
I'm just saying whether it's a venereal disease or it's, I don't know, lead in your blood or just something, radon. I like to just pee on something.
26:39🔗
Adam
I like to pee on a stick. I'd get... I'm rich, so I'd have like a midget hold it. And then I'd just say... Sorry there, Bart.
26:52🔗
Adam
Oh, like one on each end? Yeah, that popsicle stick would be a lot for one midget to be able to hold. You get one on each side, and then they hold it where? Over the tub?
27:09🔗
Adam
I'd have a third midget holding my smoking jacket open, so I didn't urinate on the fine fabric. That's nice. Come up with... If any doctors are listening, not that anyone with more in a junior high education listen to this show, but come up with some some P-stick tasks for guys. I'd be down with that. Brent?
27:32🔗
Caller
I was just wondering, actually two things. Is it true that only one in five women get off during sex?
27:49🔗
Bobby Slayton
Yeah. The improv. Next week we can improvise it. We can do it in DC, but that's not what's important. Where did you get that statistics from? Let me ask you that.
28:01🔗
Bobby Slayton
You know, those magazines, my friend, and this is Bobby Slayton. Let me help this guy. Those magazines are very detrimental because those women's magazines do nothing, but they're sexist magazines. If you read Playboy, which by the way, now comes in a brown wrapper, and Playboy you cannot even get at 7-Eleven now because religious writers decided that Playboy magazine is a dirty magazine. Yet Cosmo magazine, which they sell in every grocery store, will tell women how to make themselves have an orgasm, if a guy has premature ejaculation, why size matters, how to find out if your husband's cheating on you, why he's no good in bed, how to get a divorce, how to find a lawyer, why men suck. Like, we're not insecure enough. I get to read that crap. Then you wonder why we cheat on them. We're not cheating. We're practicing. We're trying to get better for them so that we don't make these mistakes at home. But I'll tell you, there's one magazine that my wife just bought that actually I think every guy should look at is a new issue of Glamour magazine because the new issue of Glamour magazine actually says that women can have a faster orgasm, which would be great for us to help us out tremendously. And it also says that he does it by himself. Do you? Because a lot of women out there do not do it and they don't even know their boyfriends do it. And a lot of young guys out there, it's okay to masturbate. Something you got to do for the rest of your life. Believe me, I've been married for a long time. And the longer you stay married, the more that you do it. Right? I do a lot of guys call up and, I mean, you have a lot of young guys calling up and they think it's not good to masturbate.
29:14🔗
Adam
Once in a while, we get a guy calling up saying, I feel bad about it. Yeah. He says, I'm 17, I'm masturbating excessively. And then I go, how many times a week? He's like, oh, four or five times a week. I'm like, are you kidding me? That's a weekend. I'm 35.
29:37🔗
Drew
You know what? I'm going to do a little study on comedians. It seems to be a whole trend of sexual compulsion amongst comedies.
29:43🔗
Bobby Slayton
Well, no, I think comedians are just, it's not, it has nothing to do with comedians. I think what it has to do is comedians are just very intense people and very creative, very intense, very, just everything the least. Compulsive. Okay, that too. Okay, that too. But you know what? I mean, I still hear people calling up your show every once in a while, kids calling up, you know, does it lead to blindness? I mean, that was something I don't want, the 1940s and 30s. I mean, people still believe that.
30:05🔗
Adam
Yeah. Well, like I said, I would pit the stupidity of our listeners against and callers against any other show.
30:13🔗
Drew
But one out of five for a young adult, 18-year-old, would be about normal, I'd say, but very few women.
30:28🔗
Adam
Well, hold on a second now. Wait a minute. Between, let's say, the ages of, well, let's just be realistic. Women, you know, our callers, 16 to a lot of them. 16, let's just say 30. 16 to 30 through just intercourse. And this may be a little more revealing than I want to be revealed, to reveal here, but I'll go on past experience.
30:54🔗
Adam
I'd say women 16 to 30 through only intercourse who can have orgasm, I'm saying is in the 25 percent range. Like one quarter of them. And then there's probably another, you could probably get another two quarters on there if somebody through oral sex and there's one quarter that ain't going to happen.
31:24🔗
Bobby Slayton
How insecure is a guy that, you know, if my wife, and I know she doesn't fake one because she makes me do it until she has one, I'd give anything for my wife to say, I came. Me too. Let's get the TV back on. Who's going to question that? Why would you open a can of worms if it doesn't have to be open?
31:37🔗
Adam
Don't want to know. I know. I've said it many times on this show. I think it's the greatest gift a woman can give a man. I really do. It's a totally unselfish act.
31:52🔗
Bobby Slayton
It's like premature ejaculation. Why is that a problem? You beat her. You won. Let her catch up to you. It's a guy that crosses the finish line first wins. That's what I'm telling you, fellas. They won't get better unless you set a level of excellence. Give them something to shoot for.
32:04🔗
Adam
Bobby, or shoot at. Bobby Slayton is our guest tonight. He'll be out at the Irvine Improv this weekend. We'll talk more to him and more to you. When we come back, we'll speak to Jane, who's 15, just had sex with boyfriend now, has white bumps on vagina. What's up? We'll tell her after this. It's the Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew, stand-up comedian and actor, Bobby Slayton is our guest tonight. He'll be at the Irvine Improv March 15th through the 19th.
33:07🔗
Bobby Slayton
But you know what, it's out of print now. I have one for each of you. It's only available on bobbyslayton.com. I sue my record company. But what I want to tell the young people, and I don't really care if you buy these or not, because I don't really make much money off of them, but this CD will teach a lot of young people about sex. It'll teach young guys everything that they have to look forward to when they get married. It'll explain everything to them. It'll explain, I don't know if it's good or bad. See, you guys try to bring...
33:29🔗
Bobby Slayton
Well, see, you guys give people advice and try to bring them together. When people come to my show, if I can make 90% of the people laugh and maybe break up one couple, I feel that I've accomplished something on that stage. I see a lot of young people coming to shows now. They get married in their teens, in their 20s, in their 30s. You know what? My marriage, I've been married 12 years, and my marriage is just starting to work, because what happens is when you start hitting 50, or you're in your 40s, you start losing your hearing, so you can't really hear your wife that well. Then you start getting Parkinson's disease, you know, with the head shaking up and down, so she thinks you're listening to her. You're watching the game and everybody's happy. Then the next step is you get Alzheimer's disease, which is like a new woman every night. The day that I wake up and I don't recognize my wife, I'm going to be one happy son of a bitch. So the three things together, the loss of hearing, the Alzheimer's and the Parkinson's, will keep people together for a long time. But if you make it past that hump, say those little turtles that go out to the sea, and only one of them makes it to the ocean, you got to make it to the ocean. It takes a long time. You probably won't make it.
34:19🔗
Adam
That's my advice. You know, cataracts don't hurt either, especially if she's getting up there.
34:38🔗
Adam
Is there such a thing that it's just lucky bumps? You know what I mean? I would. Do all bumps have to be bad? Not just some kind of lucky bump?
34:47🔗
Drew
I can't think of any good bump. I mean great bump. Lucky bump. There's some nothing bumps.
35:08🔗
Caller
Well I broke up with my ex-boyfriend like this week. Well like this week. And then like I went to a party on Friday. And like it was a guy I knew but he wasn't my boyfriend. But like yeah.
35:20🔗
I think he's 16.
35:21🔗
Adam
It must be great being a woman, you know. As a guy, you know, you break up with your girlfriend at 15. When you're getting late again. What is it? What is it? What do we mean? March?
35:40🔗
Adam
Yeah, but that's weird because you broke up with your boyfriend. Normally it's the guy dumping her and it's a little payback.
36:39🔗
Drew
You're sexually active now. You need to go see a doctor, especially go while you have these bumps, so that he or she can look at them to see what's going on there. Burning bumps. Could be herpes. You can't say that isn't. But look, he wore a kana, but who knows?
36:53🔗
Drew
Get checked out. And now that you are having sex, it is extremely important that you have regular perhaps.
37:00🔗
Yeah, what's up?
37:02🔗
Caller
Yeah. Hey, Adam, Drew. I love the show. Adam loved the Man Show. Drew, Dr. Doug. Cutcom's great.
37:07🔗
Caller
Wonderful. And Johnny, Bobby Slayton, you're wonderful. I heard about you first on Johnny Steele's Morning Show.
37:20🔗
Caller
Live 105. Yeah, they're playing Love Line 2. Great. I love your act. I was wondering how you got your start, actually, because I never really heard anything about that on Johnny's show.
37:35🔗
Bobby Slayton
Yeah. How did I get my start? I just couldn't do anything else. I started to do stand-up comedy in San Francisco. I couldn't keep a job. I couldn't get along with other people. I'm socially retarded and that all led to stand-up comedy.
37:46🔗
Caller
Yeah. You're raging bully. Were they telling that? I heard you promoting that on Johnny's show, Ages.
37:55🔗
Bobby Slayton
But enough about me. Let me give you some sexual advice. Come on. What's your problem, young man?
38:01🔗
Bobby Slayton
That's very nice. Girls never call to talk to me. It's always guys. These idiots like Paulie Short and Carrot Top. I mean, I hear stories about girls waiting to see them after shows. I appreciate your call. Don't get me wrong. But guys coming up with, hey man, a big fan of yours. It's never strippers or anything cool. I never get that.
38:33🔗
Bobby Slayton
Get out of here. Who sent that caller? You don't sound like you're old enough to be a stripper. How old are you?
38:48🔗
Adam
She's kidding, but one of the rare moments of comedy on this show, provided by a listener. Yes, intentional comedy, I should say. Sincerity and comedy, yeah. Thanks, Claire.
39:02🔗
Caller
Ever since I started masturbating on a regular basis, it's harder for me to have orgasms with other people. Even as I masturbate, every time, it's a little bit harder. At first, it used to be like 20 seconds, there you go. But now, it's like, I have to go at it for a couple minutes, and sometimes even like 15, 20 minutes, and it gets tiring.
39:20🔗
Adam
The male equivalent to this is going to the bathroom, by the way. It's number two. You didn't have to pull your pants down when you're 10, just gone, right back into the game. Now, it's like you're playing it there. Hey, what I got to read? I got to do something to read here. Yeah, it's tough. You know, like, when you're... No, seriously, when I was 10, I'd cramp right through the pant leg. I'd wear those Dennis the Menace type dungarees, you know, and I'd just... Loose fitting. No, just right down the side of the leg. If you're good, you can do it. You gotta kind of hold them open a little bit, drop it right down on the paper, and just ball it up and throw it in the toilet. It was a snap. Now, I'm in for the long haul.
40:11🔗
Drew
Really? Yeah, you need to maybe come up with some other means to sort of mix it up. Oh, sorry. I know it's tough. I'm so painful. I know.
40:20🔗
Adam
Well, what if she just got the vibrator drunk so it didn't quite perform as well as it did? Yeah. What do you got there? The Duracell? You got the nickel-cadium variety? You got to step down.
40:59🔗
Adam
Yeah, you will. And listen, Claire, well, you gotta let the calluses wear off, but... Here's the deal. If you get yourself used to a piece of automated technology, and then you go back to a drunken frat boy's upper lip or finger or penis, it's not going to compare. And of course, your vagina is going to be angry. And it's going to lash out in the form of not having an orgasm. So get yourself off of the vibrator and back to the ring finger. All right?
41:36🔗
Bobby Slayton
It's only about a time before my daughter's going to be calling you guys for advice. She's almost 12. And I realize, you know, when these kids... It doesn't really... And she's going to be going to these parties. What are these parties that Adam was talking about? 15-year-old girls. That's why I don't want my daughter to ever go anywhere. You know, it would be great if my wife could grow up and move out, and my kid could just stay with me. I watch South Park and Buffy and say to my wife, honey, you know, you're 50, you're getting big. It's about time you got your own place. You don't cook, you don't put out. Look at the size of your ass. You need to get your own apartment. We'll see you every Thanksgiving.
42:12🔗
Adam
Yeah, Drew, that might be a plan for you. All right. Raymond. Hey. You're lucky Mike was off. You're at 20. What's up?
42:21🔗
Well, about three years ago, I had a relationship with one of my teachers in high school and ended up getting found out and everything. And now whenever I try to get a serious relationship, she mailed a copy of the newspaper article to my girlfriend at the time and it ruined my life.
42:45🔗
What?
42:45🔗
Drew
How does she find out that you're in a relationship or with whom you're in a relationship with?
42:49🔗
I don't know.
42:52🔗
Well, somebody is doing it and she's the only person I can think of that would do it.
43:02🔗
I've ran into her a couple of times.
43:04🔗
Adam
Well, if you've told her who you're dating and where they live, then please tell us now. So, that we can yell at you.
43:11🔗
I haven't.
43:15🔗
I don't know. She's a teacher. She might have their...
43:21🔗
Adam
He has a... It's like watching... You know those award shows where the celebrity host didn't read the cue card? Like, you know, they go up there. It's Callista Flockhart and Everlast go up there and they're trying to have a little rapport. But you sort of realize halfway into it, hey, one of you should have read these cue cards before you stepped out on stage. That's kind of the beat I get from Raymond. It's like the teleprompter came unplugged. There's something's having difficulty. Raymond, is this your normal, unbelievable cadence or are you lying?
44:03🔗
I'm not lying. You should remember this, like three years ago. You, Drew told me to tell the cops. You told me not to. I told the cops and the cops like, ended up going all crazy.
44:15🔗
Oh, yeah.
44:20🔗
What?
44:23🔗
No, my teacher.
44:27🔗
Adam
You had sex with your teacher. Everyone found out. Now your teacher is stocking you, in a sense.
44:32🔗
In a way. She's the only one I can think of.
44:40🔗
I just kind of tell them the truth and hope it goes for the best.
44:45🔗
I've gone through three so far, and the person I've met now is a real conservative, and I don't want her finding out.
44:52🔗
Well, them finding out about stuff.
44:56🔗
They all flipped out and thought I was like some kind of whacked out.
45:01🔗
They'd break up with me, move out.
45:18🔗
Drew
When we asked you about where your girlfriends live and how she could have gotten their address, couldn't you point it out to us that it was your address you were sending this to the crap to?
45:27🔗
I could have. It's late. I'm tired. Not thinking straight.
45:31🔗
Adam
Listen, I don't know if you ever think straight, you retard. Jesus Christ. Do you see what we have to deal with on this show? How does she know where your girlfriends live? I talked to her. Do you tell her where your girlfriends live? No. Well, how would she know where your girl...
45:52🔗
Adam
That's how. You idiot. It's late. He's tired. Jesus Christ. Raymond, what do you do for a living? Because whatever it is, I'm not going near it. I don't care if you work for the Oxygen Commission. No more breathing.
46:11🔗
I'm in the Army.
46:13🔗
Adam
Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. My God. I hope you don't work. You're not any kind of helicopter mechanic or anything, are you?
46:22🔗
No, I drive a tank.
46:26🔗
Okay.
46:27🔗
Adam
All right. Jesus Christ, Raymond. All right. We no longer care because we're angry at you, all right?
46:32🔗
Okay.
46:37🔗
Drew
Then again, I'm sure there were some ramifications legally when she was dating you and you can open that back again and notify the police that she's stalking.
46:52🔗
Adam
Where the girls live. Bobby Slayton is our guest tonight. He'll be down at the Irvine Improv all this weekend. When we come back, we'll speak to... Ah. Yeah. Someone... Luke? Luke lost his sex drive at 17. Probably under the car seat. We'll talk to him after this.
47:49🔗
Adam
It's Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew. Bobby Slayton is our guest tonight. 21-year veteran of stand-up and acting, done a lot of movies. You may remember him from the Rat Pack movie, which was-
48:13🔗
Bobby Slayton
I got a movie coming out in May that Amy Huckley directed, where I have to kiss that Mina Savaree. She pulls away at the last second. I run a strip club and don't really get to kiss her, but had to work for five days up in Toronto in a strip club. That's rough. I actually went to a couple of strip clubs to do the research. My wife kind of just said, I don't really do research and I don't get that many movie roles, and I don't really even like strip clubs, but it was very important. Sure. It was like De Niro getting 200 pounds for Raging Bull, but still it was something I had to do to make sure I had the character down. Do you ever go to strip clubs? I'm not a big fan of that. I don't really get that whole thing. Oh boy.
48:48🔗
Bobby Slayton
No, it doesn't matter. You know when I go to strip clubs when I play Vegas occasionally, I don't really gamble a lot, so sometimes a couple of other comics around, we'll go to some strip club, we'll sit there until three or four in the morning, and then I'll call the wife. She'll go, what did you do last night? I'll go, I went to a strip club and she got to pan things in a bunch, and I go to gamble. I wasn't really drinking a lot. I just went out looking at some broads. Of course, what if your daughter did that? I get free drinks, what do you want me to tell you? What if my daughter did that? I don't want my daughter to wear McDonald's in the car wash. I still patronize the places, you know?
49:17🔗
Adam
Yeah, that's a very valid point. I like going to strip clubs with guys who don't go to strip clubs or have never been to strip clubs with a bunch of other guys who are veterans of strip clubs to get the guy really loaded and watch him just go berserk for a few hours. That's always funny. Like, I don't want to talk about it on the air, but Drew, we know some of the guys I've taken to strip. I took a guy named Steve O'Donnell, who's a great writer, but the guy's never been to a strip club. It's great. He's sitting next to me. He's from Harvard and stuff, and he's like, these ladies are quite lovely. I'm like, yes, they are, Steve. What would be the appropriate monetary amount to give them as a gift for their services? It's like $20. Okay, that is fine. And then the chick comes over and puts her ass in the guy's face, and I'm just laughing like, it's great to take guys who don't get out much or who haven't been to a place or don't drink much. That's the real good time. Watch them really get worked over.
50:28🔗
Bobby Slayton
That's why I never understood when you get these feminists think it's degrading to women. Why? I walk into the 3 a.m. with an erection and no money. Who's getting degraded? My daughter's college education and Tiffany's panties. Who's got the problem? Me and the dancer. It's degrading to women. You're right.
51:04🔗
Drew
Physical injury. Had a breakup or anything like that? No. Any excessive stress in your life? No.
51:20🔗
Caller
Well, it just seemed, I mean, normally I was one of the guys who'd point out stuff to, you know, like, oh, that girl's got cleavage or something like that. I'd be the one to point out stuff. But-
51:29🔗
Bobby Slayton
You know what, though? Most 17-year-old boys, all they think about is sex. This is a great time to get a jump on all your classmates. You know, get a hobby.
51:36🔗
Bobby Slayton
Read a book. Finish a crossword puzzle, because this might not last, my friend.
51:47🔗
Drew
If another couple weeks go by, I mean, that's a real symptom, and it should be checked out by a doctor if a couple weeks from now, it's not changing in any way. It could be a sleep disturbance, mood disturbance, all kinds of things.
51:56🔗
Adam
Ryan, you're 17. You had unprotected sex with your girlfriend today. You want to get the morning after pill?
52:07🔗
Drew
Oregon has, I think, certain areas of a trial study where you can get the pill when you have a pill without a prescription, but in general, you need to contact your doctor or Planned Parenthood.
52:38🔗
Drew
Alright, so tomorrow will be fine. Definitely, the sooner the better. No doubt about it. It's more effective in the first 24 hours than the second and third 24 hours.
53:11🔗
Yes, good evening, gentlemen.
53:22🔗
Caller
I saw you up in Sacramento area a couple of times in the last couple of years and wanted to know when you might be getting back up in my area so I can go see you again.
53:29🔗
Bobby Slayton
I was in Sacramento last month and before the show some guy punched me in the face and I have a big lawsuit going against him so I'm not coming back for a while. Usually guys want to kick my butt after the show, just before the show.
53:45🔗
Bobby Slayton
I don't know. He wouldn't tell the police or anything. The DA's guy there looking into it.
53:51🔗
Bobby Slayton
It was really weird because it had never happened before. I know I got heavy security guys, heavily armed guys.
53:57🔗
Bobby Slayton
I was playing this comedy club in Sacramento, the Punchline, just right before the show.
54:05🔗
Adam
It really was. You should have seen it coming. You were lucky it wasn't called the Sonomy Line.
54:11🔗
Bobby Slayton
Right. Yeah, but I was just up there a little bit 3 or 4 weeks ago and I'm taking some time off to do some movies and TV shows. Politically incorrect. I'll be on that Thursday. Watch me on that. Well, you know even better yet, bobbyslayton.com. You can get my out of print CD and turn the lights out and pretend that you're with me.
54:29🔗
Caller
I love it. And I also wanted to confirm the definition of Chode that you guys were discussing earlier and I have to say Adam was correct.
54:41🔗
Adam
The votes are in. Yeah. See, you're from Sacramento, right? She's got it. Yeah. A lot of Mexicans out that way, probably yelling it at her while she's on the highway. All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. Bobby Slayton is here. Drew and I are going to kick his ass and we'll be back after this.
55:34🔗
Adam
All right, it is Loveline. We're going to take a quick 10-second timeout. We'll be back with more of the show in just 10 seconds.
55:56🔗
Adam
It's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew. Bobby Slayton is our guest tonight. Bobby will be down at the Irvine Improv March 15th through the 19th. Also, you can get Raging Bully as comedy CD if you go on to bobbyslayton.com.
56:10🔗
Bobby Slayton
And you guys are in Washington, DC., aren't you? Yes. Well, there you go. The Improv in Washington, DC in two weeks. You know, I was looking at all the cities you guys have syndicated in. Some lovely cities and some real crappy towns too.
56:22🔗
Bobby Slayton
You know, it's not your fault. You know, I'm not saying that. I mean, look, I just came back from Houston this weekend. I came back today. And you know what? When you go to places like Houston, it makes you appreciate LA. It takes a lot to make you appreciate Los Angeles.
56:36🔗
Bobby Slayton
There are places I go that there's nothing, there's cowboy hats, there's light beer, and there's just a bunch of idiots. It's George W. Bush territory. It's...
56:44🔗
Adam
Well, you know, my take on LA is, it's not a great town, but if you have money, you're fine.
56:53🔗
Bobby Slayton
Oh, yeah, but if you have money anywhere, it's fine. But, no, that's actually true, but you go to places... LA can be a great town if you got money, because you know what, there's great restaurants here, there's some cool stores. You go to places like on the road sometimes, and you ask people if there's an Italian restaurant, they send you to the Olive Garden.
57:14🔗
Bobby Slayton
Yeah, Italian, right. And then if you go... I was in New York a few months ago playing a club, and right by Times Square, there was a pizza hut. And people were in there. And it's obviously tourists who don't realize you're in New York City and you're eating a pizza hut when the greatest pizza in the world is available in New York. And people, they like that familiarity of home.
57:32🔗
Adam
That drives me insane when you travel with people like Kevin of the Kevin and Bean Morning Show from K-Rock. Right. You travel with him, you go to Atlanta, and he wants to slip into an IHOP and get something to eat. You be on Bourbon Street, he's looking for Bob's Big Boy.
57:54🔗
Adam
Yes, I'm serious. I don't know if it's stupidity or white trashdom. I don't know what it is. But the point is, half the reason you travel is to sample the native cuisine.
58:04🔗
Bobby Slayton
I was in San Francisco last weekend and there was a Jack in the Box about a block from my hotel and there was a couple and it was not a couple from another country. They were standing there and they were looking at the menu and the husband is going, yep, they got the burgers. What do you think it's going to have? It's the same Jack in the Box that we know from. What are these going to be some gay sauce with crab meat? It's not a sourdough. What do you think? It's Jack in the Box. It's the same crappy Jack in the Box. You get anywhere. It's not going to be a special San Francisco edition of Jackass.
58:36🔗
Adam
That's right. You know it's bad Italian food when the spaghetti and marinara sauce has the big square of American cheese plopped down on the top with the melting.
58:48🔗
Bobby Slayton
Although about six months ago I was playing Birmingham, Alabama and not even Birmingham, but there's a club called The Stardom. It's a beautiful comedy club. It's not even in Birmingham, it's in the suburbs of Birmingham. So not even downtown Birmingham, the suburbs and it's this little town. I'm staying in a holiday inn and I get in on a Thursday night because I got to do radio the next morning. I said to the clerk, the woman, she looked like she grew up there all life and I said, listen, I'm really dying for Italian food. Are there any good Italian restaurants? And she said, well, Dom DeLuise was here doing some kind of theater show. He ate at this place every night. It's right down the street. I'm going, all right, well, we'll go check it out.
59:30🔗
Bobby Slayton
This place is Sal's. I go there. It's some of the, I swear to God, the best Italian food ever. Sal's dad, I guess, he worked in Little Italy. He had a restaurant for years.
59:40🔗
Bobby Slayton
It was the best Italian food I've ever had. It's in Birmingham. So it just goes to shake it. What, you ate or you?
59:46🔗
Drew
No, no, we in the other hand, well, I thought you were going to tell a different kind of story. We in the other hand said we want to sample some of the local cuisine, take us out somewhere nice. They go, oh, there's a place you can get some ribs. Where do they take us? Remember this?
59:59🔗
Bobby Slayton
I get that all the time. Yeah, people go, you want to go to a great place? I'll take you to one. Yeah.
1:00:09🔗
Caller
I want to be a stripper when I grow up, and I don't know if that's normal or if it's like abnormal. And like, I'm not acting on that yet.
1:00:41🔗
Adam
You're in a few years. I'll still be there. What do you, I mean, you really get down, do you get naked at parties?
1:00:56🔗
Caller
Oh, he's here. My whole family is intact. I've never been abused. No alcoholism, no sexual abuse, no any, it's normal.
1:01:22🔗
Drew
Is it just what you, in relation to males, or is also how you feel with your female friends?
1:01:28🔗
Caller
I'm not entirely sure. I think it's just in relation to males, but I'm not entirely sure.
1:01:40🔗
Drew
Usually, when women need to do that, it's because they need some sort of power over men.
1:01:47🔗
Drew
And believe me, you're not actually being granted that power. You just believe you are. And instead, you're being objectified and potentially even abused by men. So there's something sort of missing from your story that helps us.
1:01:58🔗
Adam
You do have all eyes focused on you. But on the other hand, if you crawled out of the window of the 15th story of an office building threatened to jump, you'd have all eyes on you. It's not necessarily the best attention, but it's attention.
1:02:13🔗
Drew
And it's not what she's really looking for. She thinks she's completely in a power position over them. And indeed she sort of is, but it's from an objectifying point of view.
1:02:22🔗
Adam
But on the other hand, let's be realistic. Plenty of women end up doing this for a living. Here's someone who's looking at more of a calling. She's getting a little head start on it.
1:02:33🔗
Adam
I don't know. Hey, Aurora, really, your dad must not have paid sufficient attention to you growing up.
1:02:42🔗
Caller
It's not like I want control. It's not like the rest of my life is out of control and I want control over something. It's, I mean, I've gotten a lot of attention growing up. I wasn't, there's nothing like abnormal about my childhood or anything.
1:03:13🔗
Caller
Well, you know, just normal parent weird. I think she's weird. Nobody else thinks she's weird.
1:03:18🔗
Adam
All right. Well, as long as no one else thinks she's weird. All right, Aurora, are you exceptionally attractive?
1:03:29🔗
Adam
Yeah, maybe. I'll tell you. Let me float this. Now, hold on. I know you think this is absolutely bizarre. But Drew, what about this angle? And Bobby, as well. Sometimes, let's put it this way. Once in a while, you meet a guy like you went to high school with, had like big arms. You know, so what was it? Every party was arm wrestling. He challenged someone to arm wrestle. He did something like that. Once in a while, you run into a woman who has a very fine body and everyone sort of... That's what they're known for. And they can sort of give them what they want. I'm not talking about getting bare naked at every party. I'm talking about pulling the shirt up and flashing the guy's drive-by on the freeway, you know, whatever. They sort of give them what they want, sort of based on what God gave them.
1:04:31🔗
Adam
Yeah, yeah. Every party. Oh, yeah, sure. Fish something out of the disposal. Come on. Oh, wait a minute. Let's talk to Crystal. Crystal?
1:04:46🔗
Caller
My question is, I went to my first rave on Friday night and I did Ecstasy. And when you do Ecstasy, they take the little containers of Vicks spray that you inhale up your nose when you have a cold to decongest or whatever. And they spray it in your eyes because there's a hole in the bottom and they blow in it and they spray it in your eyes and it feels really good. But I just wondered what that would do to your eyes.
1:05:21🔗
Caller
No, it feels really, really good when they do it because you're on the Ecstasy and it goes into your eyes. And it makes your eyes tear really bad. Your eyes tear a lot, but I just wanted to know what that would do to your eyes.
1:05:33🔗
Drew
You know, I don't know. It's an interesting behavior. Thank you for alerting me to it. I'll have to look into it. But certainly it's not a good thing for your eyes.
1:05:53🔗
Drew
The corneal problem is really the big one because that may be irreversible, the corneal transplant, that kind of thing.
1:06:12🔗
Bobby Slayton
And you got other girls too? You know, this daughter thing, I got one wife and one daughter, and I'll tell you, Dr. Drew, I remember my daughter was like six months old, and she was teething, and my wife was having a particularly bad period, you know, not just period, but literally a period. And then when my daughter was two, she's having a terrible twos, and my wife had just lost her cat, she was going through some emotional problems, she's seeing a psychologist. Then my wife at 40, she went nuts, and my daughter became prepubescent. Now my daughter is 12 years old, she's getting breast, my wife's going through menopause. Is there one moment of my life when some broad is not metamorphosizing into something that I can relax, watch a goddamn ball game, without somebody turning into something?
1:06:47🔗
Bobby Slayton
She's getting breast, she's losing breast, she's drying up, she's getting wet, she's turning into this, she's like, can I just relax? How do guys have two or three daughters and a wife?
1:06:59🔗
Adam
I can't imagine. Now you have to become a woman or get out of the house. That's my take on it. And guys, all we do is get old. We're like a car. That's it. You just get old. There's no choice. We just get old. Women, they got a million phases. There's always some sort of metamorphosis.
1:07:16🔗
Bobby Slayton
I thought PMS was bad, but now it's like menopause, which is nice five days out of the month. It's exactly opposite. It doesn't stop.
1:07:28🔗
Drew
It's very different. It's like a chemistry lab going on in that vagina. It's interesting. We had a discussion at dinner tonight with my wife and another couple, talking about baby showers and wedding showers. And I said, you know, I know some kind of weird pagan ritual goes on to these things. And they're like, no, no, no. You cut the ribbons and the number of ribbons and the number of ribbons cut determine the number of babies you're going to have. And you try to measure the girth of the woman's abdomen. Oh, it's all very fun. Then they go on to talk about how they have some strange word game, which applies, which have references to the male phallus and what position the girl likes when she, you know, I mean, it really gets pagan.
1:08:05🔗
Bobby Slayton
You know why it's like this? It's made up by women writers who have to write for all these bride magazines. How do they go from magazines? They need to come up. They have no more stories.
1:08:12🔗
Drew
But guys, guys are like they're at the strip club or they're sitting in a couple of guys having a drink. You know what I mean?
1:08:23🔗
Adam
I'll tell you, here's the bottom line. Women aren't busy enough and so life becomes one big ritual. It's like, it really is, it's like the royal family. It's one big coronation ball after the next. Guys who work 65 hours a week, they don't have a lot of ritual. The ritual is going home, passing out, getting up and going back to work again.
1:08:43🔗
Bobby Slayton
It's so true. Women seem to need to talk to other women. If my wife doesn't see a friend for a couple of months, they grab each other and hug like they've been lost in the Himalayas. They start picking things out of each other's hair like baboons and looking at what they're wearing. If I don't see you for another five years, I'll run into you. How are you doing? Your parents dead, you still got a dog, you like the Yankees, let's have a drink and look for broods. That's it, we're all caught up. There's nothing else to talk about. It's like I just saw.
1:09:06🔗
Adam
You know what's always funny too is when the woman who hasn't seen the other woman in a few months or a few years, whenever they part, it's not without the big discussion of how they're going to get together. Absolutely. This time we're really going to do it. We're going to go on that cruise. It's like guys don't do it. Guys, you could see your best friend in five years. You run up, all right Herb, catch you whenever. Absolutely. Maybe another five. Looks like you put some weight on. Kaylee, you're 18.
1:09:42🔗
Caller
I have a question. The last year and a half, I've been seeing, I've seen over four different psychiatrists that have diagnosed me with several different things. I've been on nine to 10 different anti-depressant medications, and I was wondering if this is bad for my body.
1:10:07🔗
Caller
I just, I don't feel comfortable with some of them. Like, one of them, he was threatening me and using my problems against me, and...
1:10:16🔗
Adam
Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy, perfectly appropriate for a psychologist to tell you.
1:10:21🔗
Caller
He was, I was actually, like, a year ago when I was 17, my mother put me in a behavioral clinic, and one of the doctors would use my problems against me saying, well, you're not going to be able to see your mom if you don't do this, if you don't do that. And he'd use my problems against me. He'd tell the people that worked there, you know, things that were wrong with me, things like that.
1:10:42🔗
Adam
Hold on a second, Kaylee. Here's how I interpret this. She gets put in a behavioral clinic because she's completely out of control. She's spinning out. She's a little delusional. He's saying stuff like, listen, you know, you want to be around for, you want to be unshackled for visiting hours, then stop flinging your feces at staff members. And she takes that as being threatened again.
1:11:12🔗
Caller
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. My mom put me in a behavioral clinic because I was very depressed. Actually, my therapist had suggested I go to this clinic. And it was a clinic for people with bipolar and all sorts of things. I went there because I was very depressed. And I was only, I wasn't there for like a year. I was only there for like two months. And the doctor there just said...
1:11:44🔗
Caller
The last year, we've moved back and forth from Tampa to up in the Panhandle. So I've changed doctors. That's another reason.
1:11:57🔗
Caller
I'm down in Tampa. The Panhandle doctor was okay. The first one, my mom didn't like. My mom didn't like.
1:12:04🔗
Adam
All right, hold on a second. I'm almost done now. Listen to me, everybody. You get two girlfriends that were psycho. You get two landlords who threw you out for no reason. You get two bosses that fired you, even though you were the best employee. But when you start getting into the third psychologist, the fifth boss, even though you did the work of ten men and showed up early every day, he fired you because he didn't like your, he was jealous. You know what I mean? Eventually, I stopped believing you after a while, not the 15th landlord that tossed you out of their apartment. Because there's nothing in it for them. They don't just meet people and go, well, it's that my fifth tenant, and each fifth one I have to toss out. No, they pray that things work out. Girlfriends, bosses, landlords, doctors, they want everything to work out. They don't make any money if you show up and get evicted, or they got to call the cops, or they got to fire you.
1:13:00🔗
Adam
Of course, if you're running a business, and you train someone for six months, and then you've got to can them, you're losing money. You don't want to do it. I love when people do that. Why'd you boss for no reason? How come? Well, my theory is he was jealous because I was better than he was.
1:13:17🔗
Adam
More time for him to fish, I see. Yeah, you may have a point there. Yeah, maybe the honesty mixed with the work ethic, the Mormon-like work ethic, maybe that's what did it. You're right. You're right. It sure wasn't you throwing a heel kick at his head and then chucking a whiskey bottle at his girlfriend. That wasn't it? All right, so what does Kylie need to do?
1:13:42🔗
Adam
Find a doctor and listen to them. And if you don't believe them, that's your problem. Jake?
1:13:49🔗
Caller
Yeah, hey, my health teacher, she said that if like kids do masturbate, their penis might get longer. Is there any truth to that?
1:13:58🔗
Bobby Slayton
If that was true, I would be snaking around the block, but I'm sure that Adam would have said the same thing. I'm sorry, I beat you to that one.
1:14:04🔗
Adam
That's all right. No, I was going to say it temporarily gets longer and then it triples back up again.
1:14:26🔗
Caller
No, no. I have a definition for Chode, too. Oh, yeah. Like, here out, like where I live, you know, everybody said it's like a mixture between like a ball of leftover poop that you didn't wipe off good enough and a piece of lint from like your underwear or whatever. That's Chode?
1:15:26🔗
Adam
I don't care if you live in Guadalajara, FN. Harla. Okay, I'm making a statement, which is not a lot of Mexicans where you are. Stop arguing with me.
1:15:36🔗
Adam
All right, that's why you're confused about Chode. Okay, I'm going to send a few from LA. I'll get you straightened out in no time.
1:15:49🔗
Bobby Slayton
What kind of health teacher would tell a 14-year-old kid that? What kind of school? I don't know what school I know.
1:15:55🔗
Bobby Slayton
A female tell... When does that conversation come up? You tell the kids in the class, you know, if you guys masturbate, it'll get longer.
1:16:02🔗
Adam
I had someone named Mrs. Coma-Sarr when I was... Coma-Sarr, Dark-Coma-Sarr. Dark-Coma-Sarr, I'm sure she's long gone because she looked like she'd died this semester before I took her. And she said to me, this is like in the 10th grade, she pulled me aside once. You know, when you're young, like at a high school age or even junior high, once in a while you'll have a bizarre conversation with an adult and you won't know what it means and you'll never know what it means and at the time you're a kid so you didn't think about it that much but you'll still remember it now every once in a while when you're driving home late at night and you'll think to yourself, what the F were they talking about? She pulled me aside, she said, Adam, you're a very funny guy, all the girls love you, which she was way off on that one. And what happened? Did your parents beat you? She said, my parents beat me. And when you say no to did your parents beat you, it just always sounds like you're lying.
1:16:59🔗
Adam
Now, the reality is my parents did the opposite of beating you. I wish they would have beaten me once in a while, show me a little tension. Great. Now, I was never touched by my parents ever. I mean, when it comes to beating, no one has taken less beating from their parents than I have, because that would require them getting up.
1:17:18🔗
Drew
It's funny, I'm looking at what happens to kids as being traumatized, if they're hyper aroused, meaning beaten or intruded upon, or stimulated in some weird way, or hypo aroused. The left.
1:17:38🔗
Adam
Yeah. She won't know if I was beaten. She mistook me for a hyper aroused, when it was a hypo is where I was going. All right. Anyway, so I told Ms. Coma, sorry, I was beaten. But all the girls, come on. Mike, she way off. You know, you know what it's like? You know what I had? I had that cursed thing, Bobby. Maybe you've heard of it. I was one of these kids where when I was like, in my whole life, but from like 15, 16, up until like I was 28, everyone's grandmother thought I was hot. I mean, like women post-menopausal were really into me and couldn't figure out why their hot young granddaughters didn't want anything to do with me. Like I had a kind of a look or an attitude. I don't know what it was. It wasn't a young hip, whatever. It was something that reminded them of some silent movie star or something. But all the women that were like in their 50s and 60s and grandmas, they thought I was hot. And Ms. Comas, she was 74 years old. She thought I was a great little piece of ass. Meanwhile, no other 15 year old in the school would have anything to do with me. Except for Stacey Mallen, except for her dad that taught plastics. And I hated that guy. I got so much, I wouldn't touch her.
1:18:57🔗
Bobby Slayton
All the girls had in me, grandmas, young girls. I didn't know a lot of grandmas. You know a lot of people's grandmothers. Do you go up in the city? Because I go up in the suburbs where you see somebody's parents, but you don't see their grandmothers that often.
1:19:11🔗
Adam
Yeah, I was in North Hollywood. I'd see some older folk. We'd roll some old folk every once in a while. All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break. Bobby Slayton is our guest tonight. When we come back, we'll speak to Mark, whose pregnant wife is much hornier than usual.
1:19:30🔗
Adam
All right, Bobby will spin his yarn about this when we come back. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Bobby Slayton is our guest tonight.
1:20:18🔗
Bobby Slayton
Oh, boy, if you're just tuning in, we've had a swell show today, fellas, haven't we?
1:20:31🔗
Bobby Slayton
The new Irvine Improv. Oh, really? It's on some big entertainment spectrum with Wolfgang Pax. Oh, it's a big...
1:20:56🔗
Adam
No, I like Irvine too. It's like clean, it's safe, and it's spread out. I like it. Everything's new.
1:21:06🔗
Adam
Yeah, it is. Listen, there's a part of me that wants that sort of seedy artist underbelly, so-ho, a silver-like thing, but that part of me is about this big now.
1:21:20🔗
Bobby Slayton
When I grew up, I grew up in Westchester County, like Yonkers area, it was right outside of New York City. So I take the bus down to the Yankee games in the Bronx, it was like 20, 30 minutes away, and then soon as it was over, you go right back to the suburbs, you get that little seedy thing, and you go to New York, and then get back out and see some trees and some animals that are run over.
1:21:42🔗
Bobby Slayton
Thursday through Sunday, and then of course, the DC Improv, the following week, it's the same one.
1:21:57🔗
Bobby Slayton
Well, let me ask you, Dr. Drew, when your wife was pregnant, did she ever get horny or no?
1:22:13🔗
Adam
Well, I'm making a point here. With triplets and third trimester, it's like mounting a VW bug.
1:22:21🔗
Bobby Slayton
Well, first of all, it sounds kind of silly, but knowing that your kid is in there is kind of weird. But my wife, she's very beautiful, but when she's pregnant, I remember the eighth month of pregnancy, and what I would do is I'd work like the improv, and I'd come home late at night. It's like my parents. I'd drive around until the lights were out, and I'd try to sneak in so my profession wouldn't be waiting out for me. So one night I come home, and she was like, God, it's like right at the end of pregnancy. She, I come into the bedroom, there's candles lit, but she's not in there. So she comes out of the bathroom, and she's got this sexy outfit on her, with the candles on the wall. And as she walked into the shadow, it was like the beginning of Alfred Hitchcock, you know, we saw him walking into the room.
1:23:01🔗
Adam
You know, I got to tell you, here's why I would have difficulty with the sex, especially in the third trimester. When I close my eyes and I'm in a woman, my head, it's like that scene from Clockwork Orange, where they have Roddy MacDonald's eyes pinned open with the toothpicks, and they're showing that montage of goose-stepping Nazis, and flowers blooming, and dogs humping, you know. When I'm inside a woman and I close my eyes, all bets are off. I got Vietnam and grandma. Everything's going out.
1:23:38🔗
Adam
If my son was in there, I would close my eyes and it immediately be like one of those sonograms. I would see my penis going into the kid's mouth.
1:23:59🔗
Adam
If I'm inside of a woman, and it's very rare that I am, but if I close my eyes, immediately something goes on. I'm either back in high school or whoever's on top of me, or I'm on top of it immediately is someone else.
1:24:17🔗
Adam
Important for me to keep my eyes open and just focus on a notch in the headboard or something. I can't close my eyes. You know what I'm talking about.
1:24:30🔗
Adam
You're right. That's a good point. That might be my eyes open. I wouldn't have to have this Vietnam.
1:24:37🔗
Adam
Mike. Yeah. I'll be suspicious. I'll lose my erection because of suspicion. Hey, wait a minute. What are you doing under me? This is not right. What's going on here? Mike?
1:24:49🔗
Yeah. Hi.
1:24:51🔗
Caller
Yeah. I got a problem here. I've lately, well, about the last six months, I haven't been able to keep an erection. Well, having sex would be about a minute into it and it just goes down.
1:25:12🔗
Any problems?
1:25:14🔗
Caller
No. I mean, about a year ago, we had a kid together, but other than that, no strain on our relationship.
1:25:38🔗
Adam
Why don't you shut up, Drew? I was right the first time. What the hell? Is it like a Briggs and Stratton powering that Pepsi machine? What's going on over there? Are you in the soda machine?
1:26:13🔗
Drew
I think there's something going on in the relationship. That's all. Either you're anxious about it happening again or it has happened. The fact that it has happened made you anxious enough to be concerned that it would happen again, that it now is happening again, or there's something going on between the two of you, or there's a medical problem. You ought to get that checked out.
1:26:29🔗
Caller
Also, if it does stay erect, it don't even last but a minute and a half, two minutes.
1:26:55🔗
All right.
1:27:00🔗
Drew
Look, he's not to give us any information to go on. Everything's perfect in the relationship. Well, no, it's not perfect. Something's going on. And if not, then he needs to see a doctor.
1:27:09🔗
Adam
Yeah. Well, maybe he's standing too close to the soda machine. Can that affect the renal? Sure. Christine?
1:27:22🔗
Caller
I wanted to talk about some sexual stuff that I've done with my pets. When I was growing up, I did it with my dog, and then I just did it with my cat today.
1:28:09🔗
Adam
Yeah, when a guy does this, we're like, hey, knock a leg, knock it off. Woman does that, it's like, woop, woop.
1:28:28🔗
Really?
1:28:34🔗
Yeah.
1:28:43🔗
Drew
How were you when you had your first memories? You said not that you remember any physical or sexual abuse.
1:28:55🔗
Yeah.
1:28:56🔗
Yeah.
1:28:57🔗
Adam
Here's the problem. You don't forget the good stuff. You only forget the bad stuff. It's like, and women are just the opposite when they get old. They only remember the bad stuff once you get married, right?
1:29:11🔗
Adam
Only the bad stuff. But as a child, you just forget the bad stuff. But don't worry. It's forcing you to put the cow can on your cow crotch and have your dog lick it up.
1:30:06🔗
It was a cat, huh?
1:30:18🔗
Drew
It's just... I hate to be funny about something like this, but it really doesn't point out how lame human males are.
1:30:38🔗
Adam
Hey, Christine? How long... I mean, seriously, how long can you keep a cat down there? You can't make a cat do anything for any period of time. Does it hang out there long enough to give you an orgasm?
1:31:39🔗
Adam
No, no, no. Listen, I don't tell everything to my shrink. You don't have to tell them about the cat going down on it.
1:31:47🔗
Drew
That's why your therapy is not working. Anything that makes you feel shame, you gotta bring it out. Oh, please. Hey, that's the drill. That is what that's about. The more shame, the more you gotta go after it.
1:32:13🔗
Drew
She's going to need to tell the sponsor when she gets to the fourth step. She might as well.
1:32:19🔗
Drew
You gotta tell the sponsor everything. That's the job of the sponsor is to unconditionally accept someone.
1:32:24🔗
Adam
Oh, Jesus Christ. You know, Christine, she's probably not like a supermodel or something. She's going to tell her sponsor and the sponsor is going to get a look going. I mean, listen, halfway into that story, I would just run out of the room, depending on what she looks like. Christine, yeah. Christine, you're a big gal?
1:32:46🔗
No.
1:32:49🔗
Yeah. How much you weigh?
1:32:51🔗
Oh, all right.
1:32:54🔗
Yeah.
1:32:57🔗
No.
1:33:00🔗
Right?
1:33:03🔗
Drew
Christine, stay with your treatment team. No, no, no. Just stay with the therapist, stay with the sponsor, keep doing the daily work. Something is going on that you're expressing right now. It's something, some burgeoning feeling, something you're avoiding, something. And get that on the table.
1:33:22🔗
Adam
And listen to me, I don't have any prom, any whack jobs who call this show and have complaints about the cat or the dog being used, I could care less. That doesn't mean anything. You know, when, like, now they'll put, like, what, maggots on people, they eat the infection. What are we going to do? Have the maggots sue? You know what I mean? Who cares? We got to use animals. We need to use them. We send monkeys into space and we send cats into crotch. That's fine with me. Believe me, the cat's happy. You can't get a cat to do anything it doesn't want to do. And if you... Anderson just said it tastes like fish. Oh, what the hell? You probably don't have to spill anything down there. The point is, the point is, if you're doing something you want to do and no one ever informs you otherwise, how's it exploitation? You know what I'm saying? All right. The cat's fine. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be back.
1:35:05🔗
Adam
It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That is Drew. Bobby Slayton is our guest tonight. bobbyslayton.com is where you can find Rage and Bully, his CD. Also, you can find him down at the Irvine Improv.
1:35:16🔗
Bobby Slayton
Oh, I'm so busy. And of course, politically incorrect on Thursday. You've done that show a bunch of times, haven't you?
1:35:21🔗
Adam
Probably 10. I would say, I've done that show like three times in the last four months or something ridiculous. And uh-oh, that's right. I'm going to, I'm doing their Oscar night party live course field correspondent thing.
1:35:43🔗
Bobby Slayton
Where are you going to be talking to people? You're going to be at the Oscars interviewing?
1:35:54🔗
Adam
Yeah. They're going to do like an hour long live PI. Well, let's see. Oscars are what time out here? Because they're, you know, they go to, you know, they're like earlier. Well, whatever the f it is, it's one hour PI. They cut away to me four or five times.
1:36:11🔗
Adam
And then I throw the mic on the ground, start getting drunk and actually, you know, go to a party because, you know, we do TV shows and radio and all that stuff. We never go to any parties and Oscars, Emmys, whatever, Grammys. We're, we're here, you know, every time.
1:36:26🔗
Bobby Slayton
I don't like, I don't like, you know what? When I go to parties, it sucks because I have to take my wife. I think she gets mad because I don't talk to her. But I always have to talk to you. There was a little party. If I wanted to talk to you, I'd stay home. You ever get that, Drew? But it's a party. Well, I didn't have fun. You're talking to other people, people I never see. I always see you. I have nothing to say to you.
1:36:46🔗
Adam
I have fought with, no, you don't. I have fought with every girlfriend I've ever had about this topic, which is we go to the party. And to me, it's like, it's like a search party. It's like, hey, you go that way. I'll go this way. And we'll meet by the bar in about two hours. Synchronized watches. Just don't blow anybody.
1:37:09🔗
Adam
Go inside, would you? Don't let me find out. Not by the barbecue or the fountain. And let's just go. Because yeah, because we just drove over for an hour in the car. We're going to drive home for an hour back, and then we're going to climb into the same bed together. Plus, it's always a bitch because, and Bobby, you know this, and Drew, you know it too. You're going to be modest, but it's true. Everyone's a personality in this room. Everyone does TV shows and radio shows. People come up to you. You cannot remember their name for the life of you, right? But you do remember, all you know is you should know this guy's name because it's Rick Unger, some executive from New World that you met two years ago or three years ago.
1:37:51🔗
Adam
Because I ran into Rick Unger and didn't remember his name. Saturday at the Man Show. The point is, if you're standing next to your wife and you're getting a long discussion with Rick Unger and you can't remember Rick Unger's name, you can't introduce him to your wife and then your wife is getting pissed off.
1:38:08🔗
Bobby Slayton
She's supposed to know, my wife does this just to bust my balls, but she's supposed to know, oh hi, I'm Bobby's wife, Teddy, and oh, I think you guys knew each other, of course, and then he'll introduce himself.
1:38:21🔗
Drew
We actually huddle and discuss it beforehand, like look, if you don't see me introduce you immediately, you put your hand out and introduce yourself.
1:38:33🔗
Adam
I know, but listen, best way to do it is just go help yourself to the mix, not ball, and I'm going to go over here and it's a party and we should do this, and I just got a point where I didn't want to bring girlfriends to the party because it was just too big a pain in the ass. Always, how many parties, and Drew, be honest, how many parties, what percentage of parties that you attended with your wife, girlfriend, or significant other, on how many occasions were you arguing on the drive home from that party? Seventy-five, eighty percent?
1:39:10🔗
Bobby Slayton
Or you see all these women that you probably could have nailed or at least met if you weren't married, so you're mad at her because I couldn't talk to this woman. Or a woman comes up to talk to you, you couldn't talk to her because you're with your wife. I don't want it.
1:39:20🔗
Adam
Some ex-boyfriend of hers comes rolling in, I mean, there's a million scenarios, none of them good. That's the point.
1:39:30🔗
Yeah.
1:39:32🔗
Caller
Well, let's see. I began with the wife here. Her sex drive wasn't too good in the very beginning. She finds out she's pregnant and the thing just blows up like a atom bomb.
1:39:54🔗
Drew
Well, that probably is the progesterone. You know, some of it is the progesterone, which has some male hormone-type effects on the female. And some of it is the congestion in that area from the pressure of a big baby leaning down on the pelvis. So things are kind of swollen and stimulated all the time. Now that part hasn't even hit yet, so that may come later.
1:40:27🔗
Adam
I mean, like doggies good because you can't see what's going on. There's nothing in the small of her back. On the other hand, it's a little offensive to take a woman is, you know, eight and a half months pregnant to sort of turn her on all fours, you know? And can you get into that dirty talk? Oh, yeah. I don't know.
1:40:45🔗
Bobby Slayton
I have one kid has been 11 years. I, you know, I've blocked that out of my head.
1:41:03🔗
Caller
I was thinking about trying to at-kins diet because I've been trying to lose weight for a while.
1:41:13🔗
Drew
You know what? I'm going to give a plug here. My dietician at drdrew.com comes on, I think she's on Thursday night at 6, if I remember right, Pacific Time. Check out, there's also, she wrote several HealthWise articles in the dietitian, diet and fitness area at drdrew.com. They give you some good ideas that are healthy about losing weight. If not there, then actually see a dietician.
1:42:34🔗
Adam
All right, everybody, there it is. The end of another fabulous show. bobbyslayton.com is where you can find Raging Bully.
1:42:43🔗
Adam
Thanks, Bobby. And again, at the Irvine Improv, 15th through the 19th, that is this weekend. And until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Uh, I just got done whacking off to my mom.
1:42:57🔗
Uh, well, now.