7:45🔗
Adam
Yes, indeed, indeed. Phone number for Loveline, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is not in. Dr. Bruce is filling in once again for Dr. Drew. Don't worry, kiddies, he's board certified. He's an addiction medicine specialist, just like our beloved Dr. Drew, and specializes in emergency medicine, as well as removing tattoos from cons.
8:29🔗
Adam
All right. Anthrax is our guest tonight. They're running a little bit late. I'm guessing because of the weather. They called in. They should be in here any minute. We'll bring them in right after the break. And we have those guys on the TV show. They're a lot of fun.
8:44🔗
So it'll be good to talk to them.
8:45🔗
Adam
I am spent, burnt, road hard, put away wet. I have never felt worse in my entire goddamn life.
8:55🔗
Adam
My kiddies, my odyssey started at 6, no, 5 45 this morning when I woke up in Lexington, Kentucky after doing a little speaking engagement with our aforementioned Dr. Drew in Kentucky. And sat at the Lexington Airport about 6 30 this morning, checked the baggage, got fogged in, couldn't make it. I was with Drew, by the way. Oh, got ourselves a car and drove from Lexington to Cincinnati. Sat in that airport for a couple hours and finally got out of Cincinnati and into Chicago O'Hare where it was snowing. Oh, sat in that airport for quite a long time, missed a couple of flights and finally made it back to LA in the driving rain and pulled into my house about 10 minutes to 9. Sat down, had a cup of coffee and turned around and left for the radio show. I've never been more burnt out in my entire life.
9:58🔗
Adam
Oh, I'm spinning. And plus, you know, I was drunk at, I mean, let's be honest, there's nothing to do in these airports but just get loaded. I mean, you got to pass the time. I'd like to see a picture of you and Drew, you know, sort of contra distinction, him together, probably in his tie, yes, yes, he's, I'm wearing a pair of sweatpants and just my socks, sweatpants and an erection and a baseball cap. He's wearing a tie, freshly pressed slacks, tassels from his loafers blowing in the wind and a full camel hair, full-length duster, and I've got my stuff piled into a pillowcase that I've thrown over my shoulder and I'm yelling at people in the airport.
10:46🔗
Adam
Worst day of my life. I want to thank a couple of people from Chicago, a couple of people from United Airline who got me back into first class after being bumped down.
10:57🔗
God bless them.
10:58🔗
Adam
And the pilot of the plane who I don't want to get in any trouble, but he let me sit in the pilot seat.
11:04🔗
Adam
Not while the plane was in the air, but I sat there and I looked at that whole thing and he showed me how it worked. Very nice. Airbus, which by the way has to be a foreign name because there's no worse name for an aircraft than the Airbus. There could be nothing less romantic than taking the bus with wings. I don't think they know in Europe, and I think I think that's who manufactures the Airbus, that bus has a little bit of a negative connotation.
11:36🔗
Adam
Call it the Airtrain, call it the Airlimo, call it the Airpartridge family bus, but don't call it the Airbus.
11:43🔗
Drew
So how's it flying with the recent events, a little bit paranoid, it increased your alcohol intake?
11:52🔗
Drew
I was driving behind you tonight though, for being such a wild guy, you're a very careful driver. Signaling with your blinker, your arm out the window in the rain, just very impressive.
12:00🔗
Adam
Thank you very much. I'll tell you, this could be dangerous tonight. Mike? Hello? You're 14.
12:31🔗
Drew
Why do you assume that you're gay or this has some relationship to your sexual orientation?
12:36🔗
Caller
Well, like, because I was masturbating, you know, and you just came up to mind and I can't stop with it.
12:45🔗
Adam
Are you masturbating to my likeness? I'm gonna have my attorney sue you. You're gay. I want five dollars for every time you masturbate to me. Do you understand?
12:59🔗
Caller
Well, like, what do you mean by that? Like, not to your picture, but to the thought of you.
13:15🔗
Oh.
13:23🔗
Yes.
13:26🔗
Drew
Mike, have you had any experience with the mental health system? Have you seen a counselor before?
13:41🔗
Drew
Okay, obsessions are a problem when they start to affect activities of daily living, when you start to choose those over responsibilities and other things you should be doing. And people that are obsessive-compulsive have obsessions, thoughts that are intrusive and compulsive behaviors that you can't control doing things over and over. And when that happens, you do need to see a physician. Medications are extremely effective in controlling those things. But at 14, he has some other psychosexual pathology here that's very serious.
14:08🔗
Adam
Listen, Bruce, after the day I've had this evening, this day, you have to start off with me getting sodomized. I was symbolically sodomized the entire day. Sarah? You're 19.
14:22🔗
Caller
What's up? I wanted to let you know too, Adam, that you're so funny and you make my day all the time.
14:30🔗
Caller
I had a question for Dr. Drew, but Dr. Bruce, I'm on a lot of medication right now, and I wanted to start taking the pill, and I've asked my doctor, but he gives me the runaround about everything. He starts saying, you know, I've had problems in the past with having sex, and it hurts, and stuff like that, and he's like, well, you know, your body probably isn't ready.
14:58🔗
Caller
Well, I'm on Selexa, I'm on Wellbutrin, I'm on Phenobarbital, I'm on Lithium, I'm on Depakote.
15:09🔗
Adam
All right, well, let's make this faster. What aren't you on? I think we can get through that list a little quicker.
15:20🔗
Caller
Yeah, and while I was on Sonata, and he took me off of that because I was having a lot of problems. And the doctor just put me on, I have an infection, it's like Clenomycin.
15:33🔗
Drew
Right, it's an antibiotic commonly prescribed. The bottom line is with birth control pills, most physicians don't bring any moral judgements into the prescribing of birth control pills if you're educated about the use of them. And making the decision to have sex is something that...
15:54🔗
Drew
It's not dangerous. What happens, for instance, if you give somebody Amoxicillin and they're on birth control, you should tell them that this can affect the efficacy of the birth control. All right. So it sounds like there's something else going on here. Did he recommend Depa-Provera? If you're sexually active, it's very irresponsible not to support some form of birth control.
16:24🔗
Caller
I'm just having such a hard time. I've always had a hard time with the medications. So I'm just really weary of it.
16:31🔗
Drew
What about, is he a gynecologist? That doesn't sound like it if he's involved with these other medications.
16:36🔗
Caller
Oh, you just don't understand. I went to see a nurse practitioner for my past marriage. They have a hard time with that.
16:45🔗
Caller
Yeah, but I have a hard time with stuff like anything. I was sexually abused. I had talked to her and I had just mentioned it to her. And she said, I don't know about the interactions, but maybe I should give you a call in the future. I'll have to do some searching on that.
17:26🔗
Caller
So, and then, you know, I get, I get stuck with the weirdest factors and the weirdest answers.
17:33🔗
Drew
It's possible for you to take birth control pills. There are issues about things like...
17:42🔗
Yes.
17:52🔗
Six-five.
17:56🔗
250.
18:00🔗
I hate football.
18:10🔗
Caller
When I was about seven, I had... This is for Dr. Bruce. My testes didn't drop. And I either that or they got sucked up or somehow. And they were sucked about down somewhere along the way. And I had surgery where they were brought back down and some Dr. UCLA did it. And I was wondering if that could affect me with my performance later on in life.
18:31🔗
Drew
No, it shouldn't. It's a common procedure. Undescended testes, you can develop cancer, a lot of other problems. So it's wonderful that you had that done. And there should be no sequelae, no problems in the future related to having sex or testosterone level, anything like that. Yeah.
18:45🔗
Adam
Here's the real problem. You're going to kill the person you have sex with. Six, five, two, fifty.
19:16🔗
Adam
That's right. You're damn straight it is. Listen, his testes may not have descended, but his brain is functioning fully. I'll tell you that right now. This Brad is a genius.
19:34🔗
Hey.
19:43🔗
Caller
I'm chilling with my dad getting stoned too, so I'm not listening to the tunes. Little Pink Floyd here, Iron Maiden, all that.
19:54🔗
Caller
It's cool. My chick's been sticking some really weird stuff in her. I mean, like, you know, vacuums and turkey baskers.
20:12🔗
Long time alcoholic, short time father.
20:21🔗
Adam
Okay. But he's the one that's making you listen to Dark Side of the Moon and stuff, right?
20:25🔗
Caller
No, he's not making me. I love listening to that, man. I've listened to it since I was like seven, six.
20:32🔗
I ain't no hippy.
20:38🔗
Adam
I'll tell you, when I'm in charge, I'm going to round up all construction workers and put them into some sort of work camp slash rehab. This is a good family history. They're all junkies. They're all messed up.
20:53🔗
Adam
All right. Well, listen, Harv, you're going to make him proud because you're going to be in rehab soon too.
21:01🔗
Adam
All right. Well, obviously, it didn't work. You're 14, you're listening to a Freddie Mercury and you're stoned. As a Rastafarian.
21:17🔗
That's right.
21:21🔗
All right.
21:29🔗
Adam
What are you using for protection? That turkey baster? You're going back in after the sperm?
21:46🔗
Drew
Okay. Listen, the protection he needs is a good— Chivalry is not dead. He needs a good parent at 14.
21:51🔗
Adam
He needs a good beating is what he needs. Harv. Oh, forget it. Swear to Christ, Harv. Do not get her pregnant. You know, I was— I don't trust a man who only performs oral sex.
22:11🔗
My girlfriend, she's reading about this crap in Cosmopolitan, which is a fictionalized magazine, I believe.
22:20🔗
Yeah, I know. And I think it's written by a bunch of women who have no idea about sex personally, but she's trying these things. Like, one time she's like, she's like, close your eyes. And I look down, I feel something. She's got a scrunchie, a hair scrunchie around my balls.
22:34🔗
Adam
Yeah, I know. I know. They read those goddamn articles, they turn into MacGyver all of a sudden.
22:40🔗
As long as you ain't going down there with a pen and a keg of beer, I'm all right.
22:45🔗
Adam
You know, just listen, ladies, here's what we'd like. A nice BJ. Yes. Maybe a massage. Yes. Then we want to watch some TV. That's what these articles ought to say. Not to find your secret G-spot or put your index finger in his rectum and stimulate his prostate. This is all nonsense, these magazines.
23:08🔗
Caller
Exactly. She was pushing under my penis, like under, and she's like, how about that? I'm like, no. How about this? No. I felt like a can of pop was going to pop out of my ass or something. I don't know what was going on.
23:38🔗
I don't know about that.
23:39🔗
Caller
I mean, she just decides lately she's been trying to get experimental. It's like, I don't know what to say. I don't want to be like, because I laughed at her the first time. I didn't get anything. And then like, let's see, the second time she tried something different. She tried something with a cough drop. And then she wanted me to do something with a cough drop. And I hate halls. Forget that. But she was telling me all this stuff like her old boyfriend. It was kind of weird, crazy stuff.
24:03🔗
Drew
You know, if you talk to a sex therapist, they're going to look at stuff like these articles. This is not the way to improve your sex. The way to improve your sex is to improve the quality of your communication and relationship.
24:14🔗
Adam
And multiple burners. I agree with Bruce. Yeah. I know. Cough drop on the penis, finger in the taint zone, scrunchy on the pubic hair. It all adds up to Big Fat Zero.
24:32🔗
Adam
Listen. Ladies, you want to please your man? Lose ten pounds. Let him watch whatever show he wants to watch on TV. Give him a nice rub down. That's how you please your man. Forget about the scrunchy cutting off the blood to the testes while you do some sort of bizarre experiment, some sort of strange ritual on his penis. We're not interested in that. And stay away from the ass. You understand? Okay. The whole reason we're with you guys in the first place is because we don't like the ass play. If we like the ass play, we wouldn't be with the ladies. Right, Bruce?
25:12🔗
Adam
All right. Anthrax is our guest tonight. I can see the boys are here. So we're going to break just a little bit early because we got to get them in here. So we'll take a little break. We'll be back with Anthrax. And we'll also talk to Jake, who has red spots in his urine. He wants to know what's up with that. Very hot topic after this. Yes, we're back. It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Bruce over there. Phone number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Bruce filming for Dr. Drew, who will be in here tomorrow night. He's in Missouri tonight, because somebody dropped a quarter in that state. He was alerted to it. He hopped on the first plane. That idiot. I swear to Christ. You want Drew to come over to your house and bake you a loaf of bread, give him 50 cents.
26:43🔗
Adam
I'm done. I'm done. I'm running all over town like an idiot all over the country chasing a buck.
26:50🔗
Adam
Idiot. Alright, Anthrax. I was in Aspen. Do you understand? I was in Aspen. You know what I was doing? I was in Aspen, Colorado. Beautiful snow covered mountains, beautiful women. I was drinking, I was talking to Michael Eisner, the king of the world over there, the old Disney guy. He was telling me I was a genius and hugging me. And I broke away from his arms to go back to my hotel at 1 o'clock so I could be up at 5.30 and go to Stinking Kentucky. No more.
27:23🔗
Adam
I think he was just horny. Anthrax is here. Scott Ian and John Bush are both here from the band. I think we saw these guys a couple of months back on the TV show.
27:35🔗
Adam
Is that right? Had a good time with them. And I intend to have a good time with them tonight. Return of the Killer A's, although there would be a B that would be crossed out, is the name of the CD. It is currently out. Is this number 11?
27:53🔗
Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce
I don't know. It's kind of a compilation greatest hits thing. So it would be maybe like number 9 or 10 with an asterisk next to it. Because it's not a new studio record.
28:04🔗
Adam
Right. And Anthrax is, well, how long have you officially been around? It says 18 years here.
28:13🔗
So what are we at?
28:17🔗
Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce
I say the same thing like when I'm getting on stage in Reno. Jesus Christ.
28:24🔗
Adam
But you guys, you guys are done touring now, right? I mean, you're going to gear up for like a summer tour? Or let me check my notes here.
28:32🔗
Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce
We finished last night here in wonderful Los Angeles, at the House of Blues. And we had a rousing finish to our tour, actually. It was one of the best, probably the best LA show we've had in 10 years or something.
28:43🔗
Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce
Just the energy level of the crowd. We generally, I kind of dislike playing Los Angeles. I find that the crowd here is just not nearly as good as other cities around the country. And the last time we played House of Blues here, it was kind of a boring show. I mean, I don't suck up to anybody. I'll tell the crowd if they stink or not. And we got on stage last night kind of going in with that attitude, like, all right, well, it's the last show. We're going to have fun anyway because all our friends are here and we're just going to get drunk after the show and go home. And the crowd turned out to just, it blew us away. It really blew me. Like, my feet never touched the ground the whole night. It was that much energy.
29:20🔗
Adam
Once in a while, LA crowd will surprise you, but by and large, I've said this many times, I'm convinced no one is from LA. They take the top 10 percent of A-holes in other cities across the country and they ship them to LA. Everyone's got something to do. They got somewhere to be. They're more important than you are. They're horribly distracted. No one wants to do their job here because there's another job they'd like to do that they're not doing. It makes for bad football fans. It makes for bad baseball fans. It makes for bad music fans. It's just bad everything. Bad taxi drivers, bad waitresses, bad everything. I know.
29:57🔗
Caller
I'm born and raised in Los Angeles and I really kind of get offended sometimes because people say, Oh, LA they have a certain aura and I feel like it's a lot of the people who are transplanted here, the people who kind of relocate here and they take on this persona where they think Los Angeles is and all the people that I know, all my friends, all my close friends who are born and raised here, they don't have that attitude at all. So I get a little offended.
30:18🔗
Adam
Yes, the A-hole transplants. And plus, let me explain something, all you idiots. If you are 42 years old and you left Chicago on your eighth birthday and have lived in Los Angeles for the last 34 years, you're an LA person.
30:36🔗
Don't talk about Chicago so much. Quit rooting for the Cubs, stop talking about the Bears, stop talking about getting a good, deep-dish pizza. You left in the second grade.
30:46🔗
Adam
This LA is chock-full of people from Chicago, New York, San Francisco. They're all different places. Half of them left the place before they were 10.
30:55🔗
Now they're in their mid-50s and they can't stop talking about where they're from, although they never ever go back.
31:03🔗
Adam
Yeah, you're freezing your ass off over there. You couldn't find work. Now you're in LA. Just count yourself as an LA person. It's embarrassing for people to say they're from here or transplanted here. No one will do that.
31:19🔗
Adam
So Anthrax is here. We'll hear something off the CD in just a moment. But first, we'll get back to the phones. Jake.
31:46🔗
Adam
Yeah. Let me explain that. I was going to open a store in a mall that was called that. And then I had a long discussion with the program director out here that mentioned that the C ring was not a good word to say on the air, you see? And so it kind of put a little dent in my plan.
32:13🔗
Jake, what's going on with your urine?
32:42🔗
Drew
To cut to the chase, you got to get a urinalysis done. It could be blood and especially if you've had other pain in that area.
32:51🔗
Drew
If you have blood, it's probably not serious, but it's probably also an infection. So you need a urinalysis, you need to get it done as soon as possible.
33:14🔗
Drew
Yeah, well, there's marching material. If you walk, exercise a lot, you can get some red cells. But not, he's got gross blood in the urine.
33:21🔗
Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce
Is that kind of like when you get that red dot in an egg, you know, when you crack an egg and sometimes there's that red dot in the egg?
33:29🔗
Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce
Yeah, that's my visual of this whole thing, is the red in the egg yolk right now.
33:36🔗
Adam
The chicken's saying, don't eat me. And I'm going, it's too late. What is that red dot in there? Why is that in that egg?
33:51🔗
Oh, yeah, like, hey Adam and Bruce and Anthrax.
33:58🔗
Yeah, I like to, like, choke myself out.
34:02🔗
Yeah. And I want to know, like, any, like, things that could happen if I do that.
34:18🔗
I can't drive.
34:33🔗
Caller
I use my hands. I take like 15 quick breaths, and then I take a deep one, and I just...
34:41🔗
Adam
You squeeze your neck with one hand, and you choke your chicken with the other? Is that the way it works?
34:50🔗
Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce
The effect would be better if you had someone standing next to you, socking you in the face as you were doing that.
34:55🔗
Adam
I'd get into that, but it's like I wag off like four times a day. I don't have time to strangle myself. I mean, at the rate I masturbate, I'm sure I would kill myself within the week.
35:05🔗
Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce
Does it really feel that much better? Does it really make it that much better?
35:14🔗
Drew
Yeah, listen. Generally, things that deny oxygen to the brain are not healthy, and people are found dead on a regular basis that do this, because the things that you do to excite yourself like this will, you'll need progressive increase in what you do for excitement. In your 14, I'd wonder if you've had some problems in the past, any kind of, is there any past that you haven't told us about in terms of anything sexual or abuse or family problems?
35:49🔗
Caller
Okay, I like when I was eight, okay, my first, my father was never around, then he like started hanging with me when I was eight, then he left again when I was nine and my ninth birthday, so like, so you started choking yourself. I've been like screwing up in school and getting a lot of trouble.
36:12🔗
Caller
I almost got kicked out of my grave and dropped, and I used to be an Ace student now, like I got straight ass.
36:25🔗
Adam
All right, listen, Brian, I know he's in a hole. I'm sorry for what he did to you. And unfortunately, it happens all the time. There's a lot of bad dads in this country. It doesn't make you bad, and you got to overcome this. But stop choking yourself.
36:53🔗
Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce
No, I know, holding the magazine, the KY. They said, what are you going to do?
36:59🔗
Adam
Yeah, there's a big Duncan tub of KY there. You got the lobster bib with the bullseye spread out on your chest. There's the VCR going.
37:20🔗
Drew
Yes, that's not unusual. It sounds like he was a little embarrassed about it. Typically, at 14, you think that whatever you're doing or happens to you, you're the only one it's happened to.
37:31🔗
Adam
Listen, here's the deal. If I don't do it, it's weird. That's the way I look at everything.
37:37🔗
Drew
In medical school, they'd show you the guy that was hung, he's wearing a dress, and how did he get there? Well, it was autoeroticism. So it's a very embarrassing way to be found dead, but you're not aware of it.
37:49🔗
Adam
Yeah, that's got to be rough. I mean, just during the eulogy, the guy probably like start breaking up. Larry was a dedicated father, a loving son, an ugly address. I mean, you may.
38:11🔗
Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce
I have a girlfriend in San Francisco who's a mortician. I'm going to have to ask her if she's ever dealt with one of these.
38:24🔗
Caller
Well, me and my boyfriend were kind of like in my room right now and he's handcuffed to the bed and well, he fell asleep, but I don't really like the whole handcuff thing. And I mean, is it okay that we do that? I mean, that's strange.
38:54🔗
Adam
This guy would make a model prisoner. You know what I mean? This guy is just meant for jail. This guy, you know, they just chain him right to something and he'd just fall right asleep.
39:03🔗
Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce
Don't you want to take the handcuffs off at least to make him a little bit more comfortable now? He doesn't wake up with gangrene in his hands or something?
39:11🔗
Drew
You hear more and more, or at least on this show, more and more of the calls people are doing extra things to make their sex better.
39:17🔗
Drew
A lot of these things become the focus of the sex, and they become problems. And she has a little girl voice, and she's asking us what's okay. So there's boundary issues.
39:54🔗
Adam
Those things are horrible. I mean, that's pain. Futon in Japanese means bear trap. You guys know that. Hey, Shannon, go wake him up. We want to talk to him.
40:15🔗
Drew
What's he like? Is he a real nice guy? A little sensitive, caring, a lot of good communication in your relationship.
40:21🔗
Adam
He's Sir Walter Raleigh, I'm sure. Hey, bitch, let me cuff you to the bed. Go get him. Give the phone to him.
40:39🔗
Adam
Okay. Why are you hanging around with the guy if he's handcuffing you, you don't like it and you don't like him that much?
41:02🔗
Adam
Has he been a good dad? Yeah. He has. All right. Then stop humiliating him. Do you hear me? Please. Who knows what's up with her? I mean, I don't think we're going to talk any sense to her. She's not going to let us talk to the boyfriend.
41:23🔗
Keep Drew busy.
41:24🔗
Adam
All right. We're going to take ourself a little break. We got an anthrax here. We're going to hear something off the CD. Want to hear something? Yeah. What are you giving me that, Anderson? Yeah. All right. Let's hear an anthrax song. That's a damn good idea. This is off of Return of the Killer A's, and this one is called Inside Out.
46:58🔗
We'll be right back with more Loveline.
47:28🔗
Adam
Yep, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. It is Dr. Bruce over there. Scott and John are both here representing the anthrax.
47:35🔗
Caller
I want to say hi to my mom. Hi, mom. I hope you're listening. And all that dysfunction that you brought me in my life. I'm joking. She knows she did.
47:44🔗
Adam
Return of the Killer A's is the name of the CD, and we'll hear something else off at the next hour. Bruce, fill in for Dr. Drew. Drew, we'll be back tomorrow night. Drew, I should say Bruce is highly qualified.
47:58🔗
Joe, I hope my mother's not listening.
48:18🔗
Caller
I don't know. It's just like ever since I haven't been able to even think of masturbating.
48:22🔗
Drew
It sounds like maybe you're depressed. Sometimes after people smoke pot, they get depressed for a period of time. Any anxiety or depression or changing your appetite?
49:03🔗
Caller
Yeah, it's just like every night, like usually when I'm about to fall asleep, I'll usually masturbate or like sometimes I'm in the basement, like at least like once or twice a day, but like ever since.
49:15🔗
Adam
What's going on in the basement? Hey, mom, you make some good preserves. Let me tell you, man.
49:23🔗
Drew
So Joe, the question is whether or not you're depressed. The masturbation, there's no direct relationship. And marijuana is a very, you know, it's a set and setting drug. Your mindset and the setting you're in affects how you feel. If you have a family history of mental health problems, depression.
49:43🔗
Adam
You know what I mean? You got to break on through. Sometimes you got to, you know, you got to be man. You got to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and whack off.
50:08🔗
Adam
Joe, seriously. Joe, I'll tell you what. Joe? Yeah. We're going to put you on hold. All right. I'm going to check back with you in about 10 minutes. All right.
50:20🔗
Drew
Yeah. I'd like him to talk to somebody though, because it sounds like there's more going on here.
50:40🔗
Caller
No, because I have to go downstairs and start up the computer and see if I can find some porn on there.
50:44🔗
Adam
Oh, yeah. Slave to technology. Yeah. Let me tell you, we didn't have computers when I was a kid. We had charcoal drawings on bark.
50:55🔗
Adam
I would walk 10 miles in the snow to see a hieroglyphic of pornography. Just a stick drawing in the sand of what looked to be like a naked woman was good enough. I mean, seriously, the Vegas ad in the back of the sports page was good enough for me. Now these kids, I got to go get the, you know, stump porn and computer porn.
51:19🔗
Adam
The bar's raised too high for them. And they have porn on DVD now and stuff. I mean, could you imagine?
51:34🔗
When you turn 21.
51:58🔗
Adam
Oh, wait a minute. Who are we talking to? Hold on, John. Hold on a second. Well, now I'm confused. Joe?
52:27🔗
Adam
Also a Christian show. Hey, Joe, so maybe the problem is having yourself in your dad's office.
52:35🔗
Adam
Yeah, it's like pictures of your dad with his arm around Jimmy Carter, and you're trying to get at yourself, and that's a distraction. Wearing a bad 70s suit with the wide tie, smiling, hair big, bad comb over. There's a picture next to him, like holding the striped bass up, you know.
52:56🔗
Adam
With all the pencils in it. That's got to throw you off a little bit. I pretend I don't have parents when I masturbate. I pretend I'm an orphan, like Oliver Twist.
53:07🔗
Drew
I did a show with Adam's dad as a guest. What a great guy. Oh, please. Contradistinction of this.
53:19🔗
Adam
I'm going to give him some money and then I'm going to sue him and get it all back. That's my plan.
53:22🔗
Drew
There's no attorney in their right mind that wouldn't represent him against you. Poor guy.
53:28🔗
Adam
Alright, we'll take a quick break, I think. And then Anthrax is here, Bruce is here. We'll check back with Joe, see what he's pulled up on the computer and see what he's pulled up on himself after this.
53:40🔗
Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.
53:43🔗
Adam
Well, it's worth hearing. Yeah, hey, it is Loveline. I'm Adam, that is Bruce. We're gonna take a quick 10 second Loveline time out here at the top of the hour. We'll be back with more of the show in just 10 seconds.
54:39🔗
Adam
It's Loveline, we're back. Scott and John are both here from Anthrax. Bruce is here from Redlands, or wherever the hell he's stupid enough to live. How, where do you live? Like 75 miles from here?
54:58🔗
Adam
That's why he moved there. He was tired of making the drive to the park twice a week. All right, so Bruce, you can get what you need to make the speed, right? I mean, from the hospital.
55:22🔗
Adam
Fantastic. All right, we will hop back on the phones. Return of the Killer A's is the name of the Anthrax CD. We're plugging tonight. Like I said, we'll hear something else off of that before the night is true. Until then, we'll speak to Jeff, who's 17. Jeff, what's up?
55:43🔗
Adam
And you're very controlling over them? You want to know if it's okay to tell them what to do?
56:04🔗
Drew
So it sounds like you have a very sound moral system. Where did you develop that moral system?
56:08🔗
Having two girlfriends?
56:10🔗
Caller
I kind of started when I was going out with them like a while ago. But I know they all say, well, there's all these guys they like and all this stuff. And I always want to meet the guys and tell them not to, I'm with them, so don't touch them.
56:30🔗
Are you sexually active with them?
56:37🔗
Adam
You don't want to dent her? Yeah. Listen, Jeff, seriously, where's your mom? It doesn't sound like you like her. Oh, I do. You do?
57:29🔗
Adam
She's in the eighth grade. Listen, you idiot, you're in high school. You're dating an eighth grader? Yeah. What's wrong with you? Lame.
57:42🔗
Drew
Yeah, you know, at 16, 17, you're supposed to be taking some responsibility, what you're doing. What to do is break up with both of them and start over again and get your honesty and your boundaries a little more aligned with reality. You're using them, you're going to damage them, and you're going to set up a pattern for yourself in which it will be easier to lie and be dishonest in future relationships.
58:07🔗
All right?
58:20🔗
Caller
Well, no, it's just that the guy keeps on bringing to me and introducing me to the last one and beat up because I want to keep them, you know, I want to stay with them.
58:31🔗
Yeah.
58:35🔗
Adam
Yeah, where? In the basement or the closet? Where do you want to keep them? Chained to a radiator?
58:58🔗
You don't like women.
58:59🔗
Adam
Get rid of her. That's like you put her in a sack and throw her in the river. You go to hell and you die!
59:05🔗
Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce
Right when he said his mom was traveling, I started getting suspicious. Like, maybe they should start looking under the beds.
59:11🔗
Drew
But she started traveling when they removed the umbilical cord or cut the umbilical cord.
59:24🔗
Adam
I've learned Jesus is not in church, he's in prison. Every third guy who goes to prison finds Jesus Christ. I think he's actually incarcerated. Would somebody parole Jesus so we could get a look at him too, please?
59:42🔗
Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce
That should be the bummer. Jesus is coming back when his sentence is up.
1:00:04🔗
I got a little problem.
1:00:15🔗
Yeah.
1:00:16🔗
Drew
Because you've been doing it since 17, it's become a pattern. And that's why you're having problems sleeping if you don't do it.
1:00:57🔗
Once or twice.
1:00:58🔗
Adam
All right. Well, that's fine. Why don't you spare yourself during the day and just do it once before you go to bed?
1:01:04🔗
That's usually what I do.
1:01:07🔗
Adam
Oh, hang on. Forget it. Who cares? He's 22. Some guys like warm milk. Others like warm milk on the belly, I guess. The point is, 99% of guys I know, you know, squeeze one off before they go to bed at night. How do you know that? I talk to my friends. I'm interested in their sex life. I did an informal poll on all the man show writers when we were in a van going down to Santa Barbara a few weekends ago for what we call a writers retreat. We didn't even bring pens this time. I mean, screw it, it's just debauchery, just drunken debauchery. But every guy in that van was good for eight or ten times a week, you know. Sure, nothing wrong with that. Yeah, it sounds normal to me. William?
1:01:56🔗
Yes.
1:02:04🔗
Drew
It's a certain premonition. When somebody says that, then you know how it's going to be special.
1:02:14🔗
Caller
Well, back in January, I started dating a guy who just got out of prison. He was in prison for four years.
1:03:08🔗
Caller
Well, my question is, on the day I met him actually back in January, I had gotten my HIV results back and they were negative, as I was pretty sure they would be. We were together a few days and I started learning more and more about his sex life while he was in prison. And he promised me that he had been safe in prison, always used condoms and stuff like that, but not with oral sex. And he also told me that he did have one partner for some period of time that he knew to be HIV positive and he had had oral sex with him. And before I found that out, I had already had oral sex with the guy that I'm dating now. And he hasn't been tested in about a year. And my question is, what is the likelihood that he could have gotten HIV from his friend and then that I could have gotten it from him?
1:04:04🔗
Drew
Okay, it's a totally different story from anal sex or vaginal sex. When you, the mouth generally is a very difficult place to have transmission of the virus. You're not gonna get it transmitted through the normal mucous membranes there. But if there's a break in the mucous membranes, if there's bleeding, gum bleeding, something like that, you have to have blood exposure basically. I mean, as far as we know.
1:04:27🔗
Adam
All right, so listen, it's tougher, but you're still kind of spinning the roulette wheel there.
1:04:32🔗
Drew
Yeah, the Center for Disease Control, any of the recommendations, official recommendations that are made are, they talk about an oral dam, and you want to avoid mucous membrane contact. It is possible, but it's much less possible.
1:04:44🔗
Caller
Oh, yeah. Oral sex with condoms is like a four-year-old going to the bank. I mean, it's like who needs it, you know what I mean? Who wants it, why bother?
1:04:59🔗
Drew
You're most likely to transmit this early on when you have lots of virus in the blood. Right away when you get infected, and for the next several months, the virus load grows rapidly, and the person has no, you know, they can't get tested.
1:05:43🔗
Drew
Is he still drink? Okay. And that's, I mean, that's an issue. It's clearly an issue when people end up in jail because they're drinking statistically over 90% of them are alcoholics.
1:05:54🔗
Adam
Are you, aren't you a little fearful that this guy is going to get loaded and beat you around a little?
1:05:59🔗
Caller
If he does, I'll send him straight back to prison. I mean, and so will everybody else who knows him.
1:06:04🔗
Caller
So I'm not worried that he's going to kill me. I mean, if he hits me, that's the end of it.
1:06:15🔗
Drew
And you know, in the gay community, alcoholism is a problem that is higher than in the general population.
1:06:21🔗
Adam
Of course, you're going to get it in the ass, you better get loaded. I knew I was getting it in the ass. I'd have an IV of Jack Daniels in me right now. Please, anything to numb that pain.
1:06:56🔗
Adam
Well listen, I've never done one of those, but I have studied the gays many times. You can find me in the bush with my binoculars and my notepad like Jane Goodall.
1:07:07🔗
Caller
Okay, one more thing. The guy tells me that he's kind of afraid to go get tested right now because he thinks that I'll leave him if he comes back positive. And this puts me in a situation of, you know, how firm do I be about forcing him to get tested and do I cut him off from sex?
1:07:27🔗
Adam
Yes, yes. Protect yourself, man. Get him tested, please. Come on. I mean, the excuse of, I don't want to get tested because if I'm positive, you may leave. That's the world's worst excuse. I mean, that's horrible.
1:07:38🔗
Drew
But it's common. And the problem here is you're drinking. What's going to happen is you're going to have too much to drink, and you're not going to know what his status is.
1:07:52🔗
Drew
It sounds like there are other issues that you have. This guy is alcoholic. It sounds like you've got some problems with alcohol.
1:08:16🔗
Adam
Okay. So do I. All right. All right, William, get him tested, please. You're 31 years old. I don't know what's wrong with you, but get him tested. All right. All right. There you go.
1:08:59🔗
Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce
Well, this tour just finished in LA., but we hope to be out in the summer again. So of course, we'll be through California again.
1:09:04🔗
Okay, that'd be awesome.
1:09:41🔗
Caller
Like, when I'm having sex with my girlfriend, it usually only takes like five, ten minutes at the most for me to ejaculate.
1:09:53🔗
There you go.
1:09:59🔗
Drew
Dave, you understand what the- First of all, when you're 16, a lot of questions come to mind for me, how long you've been going out, and I think what the guys are talking about, that your hardwiring and your brain is not completely all set up, and it's very normal to have that kind of an experience, and to also question it, and feel like you should have a lot more going on. How old is the girl?
1:10:23🔗
Drew
Okay. So really, it's not a setup where you should be having sex, and I'm not saying that from a moral standpoint, it's a problem for a 15-year-old girl, and the expectations that you have, you know, it's just not something that normally should occur where you have a marathon.
1:10:39🔗
Adam
Hey, Dave, are you talking about 5 to 10 minutes, or you're talking about 2 to 3 minutes?
1:11:09🔗
Adam
Yeah. But hold on. His interpretation of her initiating the sex is that she shouldn't have worn that tight skirt. Dave?
1:11:24🔗
Adam
This ain't 14. She's 15. Listen, you're a good guy, right, Dave? Yeah. Be gentle and why don't you try masturbating like an hour before you have sex?
1:11:35🔗
Adam
Listen, that was not a joke answer. That was a real answer. It's not a novelty answer.
1:11:42🔗
I don't know.
1:11:43🔗
Adam
Well, listen, what if you removed a bullet from the chamber so the gun didn't go off so quick? You know what I'm saying? Try that. Make sure and mop up.
1:11:53🔗
Yeah.
1:11:58🔗
Drew
Seeing kids in a medical clinic talking to them, it's a disaster when they're 14, 15, 16 having sex.
1:12:06🔗
Drew
Well, I think just talk to them about what's the reality, which is having sex and being that age is a real problem and it affects your future relationships. It makes it tougher. You want to be able to get in and out of a relationship a lot easier. Once you start having sex, it ties you to the other person and you're physiologically really your body is not quite ready for it.
1:12:33🔗
Yeah.
1:12:35🔗
Caller
When after we went out for maybe like three and a half, four months and we had sex for the first time and she was a virgin. And she bled for five days afterwards.
1:12:58🔗
Adam
I was trying to help you earlier, but okay, once you lay off, give her a little break.
1:13:03🔗
Drew
Tomorrow, get on your bicycles and go to the family planning clinic, okay? I mean, do you drive?
1:13:16🔗
Adam
Yeah. Okay. I don't like to hear about bleeding or sex or any of that myself. I'm with you.
1:13:29🔗
Yeah.
1:13:33🔗
Caller
I have stopped using drugs recently and like kind of sometimes I get high when I don't want to like when I try and concentrate and I think it may have something to do with the meds that I'm on.
1:13:48🔗
Drew
Adderall is amphetamine. It's for ADD. Neurontin is for seizures and for bipolar disorder, it's becoming one of the primary drugs for bipolar disorder.
1:13:58🔗
Adam
All right. Try not to make love to the mic. Bruce, don't grab the end of the mic when you're talking. Please. So Paul, maybe that's it. Maybe it's those meds that are doing it, right?
1:14:11🔗
Caller
No, because I've read the side effects for it because I was curious and it doesn't have anything to do with that.
1:14:25🔗
What drugs were you taking?
1:14:28🔗
Caller
I'm not anymore, but I wanted to know if then they were reacting with it and now it's screwing me up.
1:14:41🔗
Drew
No. Ecstasy is methylene-dioxymethamphetamine. It's a methamphetamine molecule with some changes in the other end of it. So your brain...
1:14:51🔗
Drew
Just go to Adam's house. And it's very dangerous because your Adderall is basically just like methamphetamine on the street, but when you give it to people for attention deficit disorder, it's at a lower level and you're not blasting the dopamine.
1:15:22🔗
Drew
Okay, listen, are you really depressed? Are you hearing voices? I mean, is there some radical change that's occurred in the last few weeks?
1:15:28🔗
Caller
Well, I mean, sometimes, like, my eyes, like, feel really weird and I can't, like, move my eyes. They, like, feel like they're being pulled up or something.
1:15:42🔗
Drew
Okay, well, I think he'd probably just reassure you and continue on, continue you on the Neurontin and Adderall, but it's always good to be honest and open about what you're taking, because it's just, it's just amazing some of the very dangerous and frightening interactions that can occur between prescription drugs and street drugs.
1:16:01🔗
Adam
Does everyone have ADD now? Is that what's going on? Well, do you know what I mean? Does everyone need to be jacked up on something?
1:16:09🔗
Adam
I never met a kid. I didn't hang out with any kids in junior high or high school that weren't bored in history or algebra class, who couldn't sit still, who didn't have a little difficulty focusing.
1:16:19🔗
Drew
It's not a little difficulty focusing. It's inability to be focused to the point where you can complete a task.
1:16:32🔗
Adam
Keep that, keep consistent with that thing. We're going to take a break, but I want to talk to Kelly first.
1:16:52🔗
I mean, the second hand going around that clock bothers him.
1:16:56🔗
Adam
Oh, that idiot. Wait till Drew gets back in town and give him a good old-fashioned beating.
1:17:01🔗
He'll be glad he's a doctor.
1:17:04🔗
Adam
He talks smack when I'm out of town. That's why. He said that while I was in Aspen or something last week, right? Didn't he, Anderson? Yes, that's right. Don't think I don't have Anderson in my back pocket. I hear about these things. All right, let me just check back with Joe. He was supposed to be masturbating, right? Joe?
1:17:39🔗
How dare you?
1:17:40🔗
Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce
You could try painting a face on it and pretending you're having a puppet show.
1:17:45🔗
Adam
You don't. Hey, Joe, why don't you go to your room, shut the lights, close your eyes, and really try to focus?
1:17:56🔗
Drew
Joe, this is an example of how dangerous and powerful marijuana is. You smoked it three weeks ago and you haven't been able to masturbate. That should be very frightening to the young male listeners out there.
1:18:29🔗
Drew
It's different, but it does the same thing. Ritalin is a stimulant and Adderall is a stimulant.
1:18:38🔗
Drew
No, it's not screwing him up. The take-home point is you're not taking the doses people take when they abuse it on the street. You're taking a lower dose.
1:18:51🔗
Adam
Joe, where do you write? Well, listen, I want you to focus like a ninja on that penis, all right? Is there a penis that would be like a Noon Chuck?
1:19:10🔗
Adam
Oh, please. Yeah. Remember when she was in Vietnam? Think about that. All right. I'm sorry Bruce had to bring that up.
1:19:22🔗
Adam
Oh, that reminds me. I've got to take care of business when I get home. Scott and John are both here from Anthrax. We'll hear something off the CD when we come back from the break. We'll also check in with Joe and talk to Kelly who's a binge eater and starting to gain weight and wants to know how to stop eating. We'll talk to her after this.
1:19:51🔗
Adam
You're back. Yep, it's the Loveline. Scott and John are both here from Anthrax. The band that's been around since before you were born, kiddies. That's all right. Still rocking. They still know how to rock.
1:20:30🔗
Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce
It's just me and we play, and there's a lot of 15, 16-year-olds in the crowd, and we play some songs. And I'll think about it like, wow, we're playing these songs before these people were born.
1:20:40🔗
Adam
That is pretty weird. Well, here's something else. I think we'll take off the Anthrax CD. We'll just take one call and then we'll get back to that. We'll get to, first off, should we check up on Joe? No. Not enough time. We'll give him one more time. All right. But don't let me forget because I'm really tired.
1:20:59🔗
Hi.
1:21:07🔗
Caller
No, I don't. I did that to be perfectly honest, twice. And that was over two years ago. I would never do it again. And I'm just, I have the smarts to know. And I listen to the show a lot. So I know what that does to your body. And that freaks me out. But I have no control over what I eat. Like I preoccupies my mind all the time. Yeah. And I always think about it.
1:21:37🔗
Caller
Well, I'm really good all day long. Like all day long I'll be very healthy and cereal and like a salad or something and fruit and I'm very, I read up a lot on nutrition but then my problem comes like late night. Like right before I go to bed I work a job where I don't come home till late at night. And I'm tired and hungry. And I just let whatever's in the cupboard.
1:22:06🔗
Caller
I'm 150 right now but I'm also very athletic. Like I work out six days a week. And I'm 5'10.
1:22:34🔗
Adam
All right. You work though, right? I want you to spend some of your own money on therapy.
1:22:39🔗
Caller
I have to pay for my tuition and my car and my insurance and everything. I stretch pretty thin.
1:22:46🔗
Drew
As you said, you listen to the show and you're knowledgeable about it. You realize it just doesn't go away. Also, the knowledge has nothing to do with it. It's like with an addiction, you can know all the things in the world about it. It doesn't have anything to do with the behavior.
1:22:59🔗
Adam
But listen, all this stuff is just sort of habitual. I mean, if you stop eating when you come home from work, you do it for a few days, you put a week together, you won't do it.
1:23:10🔗
Drew
No. Were you ever on any antidepressant? No. And that's very effective with certain eating disorders. You know, anorexia nervosa is really, really tough to treat, but the type of thing you've got going, you do really well seeing a therapist. So there are free clinics out there.
1:23:30🔗
Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce
I eat crap before I go to bed all the time. Three in the morning, I'll be sitting there watching TV, eating whatever. I mean, does that mean I'm a binge eater?
1:23:41🔗
Drew
We don't have her full dietary history here, and we can't ask her all the questions we need.
1:23:54🔗
Adam
Good. Don't make it into a bigger problem than it is. You have discipline, you work, you go to school, you work out all the time. Stop eating when you come home from work. That's all. Try it for a week.
1:24:10🔗
Adam
I know. I know. Don't label yourself a loser. Just don't be over dramatic. Just stop eating when you come home. All right. Try that for a week. And then make an appointment. If it doesn't work, call us back. Okay? Then I'll yell stop eating for a week and then call us back the next week. All right.
1:24:25🔗
Caller
And I just want to thank you all for doing the show because you, this program was the first to get me to label a lot of my behavior as acting out and to stop it.
1:24:42🔗
Adam
That sounds good, you know. You know, it's amazing. You sit up in first class. They serve you filet mignon with some candied caramelized onions and some baby carrots that have been poached and stuff. But if they would just bring up an In-N-Out Burger, that would be better.
1:25:01🔗
Adam
Wouldn't it? I mean, what a thrill it would be to be, you know, 30,000 feet in the air eating an In-N-Out Burger. You feel like king of the world. Meanwhile, the thing would cost them a buck 99, a lot less than whatever the filet mignon was. And if they could just, that's what they ought to do. You know how they do that? They do that like at the ballgames and now and everything, the ballparks. They got the Taco Bell and the Burger Kings. It took them like 150 years to figure out that, hey, if the guys enjoy eating the Colonel's Chicken outside of the ballpark, maybe when they were inside, instead of gnawing on a generic boiled hamburger, maybe they liked themselves a little Carl's Jr. and somebody put the two together and figured it out. Do it on an airplane too.
1:25:44🔗
Drew
Don't do it on an airplane. Don't do it at the stadiums. It's ruined the ambiance of baseball. No. It's an LA thing, man. They'll never do it at Yankee Stadium.
1:25:56🔗
Caller
You can always play in and out before you get on the plane, but it wouldn't taste as good obviously.
1:26:06🔗
Adam
I don't want a keister double-double to smuggle it into first-class, like some kind of prison break or something.
1:26:14🔗
Adam
I just love it. I'd like them to fire up a grill back there. Let me see what's going on.
1:26:20🔗
Adam
Let me say something about my first-class. In my program, director always says, don't talk about flying first-class. The kids aren't going to identify with you. Well, let me tell you kids something. You can kiss my ass.
1:26:33🔗
Adam
God damn it, I deserve it. You should pray one day you fly first-class, too. Give them something to shoot for.
1:26:47🔗
Adam
I don't even want a curtain. I want a door. I want like a vault door between me and the second-class peasants in there. Sawdust on the floor. What are you doing with your hands up? Those hot rags. Shut up. I'm talking here. I take that hot rag, I wipe my beautiful face, my porcelain face, and then I rub it all over, and I throw it right back at that stewardess.
1:27:09🔗
Adam
Let me say a couple of quick things about the first-class experience. I got this one today. First off, first-class is 25 times as much as coach. It really is. First-class round trip to New York, I mean coach round trip to New York is like, you can get a flight, 300 bucks. Round trip to New York, first-class $3200. And people in the back of the plane are complaining. You know what I'm saying? Oh, look at him, he's up there. You shell out an extra three grand, you can come sit up front. All right, wait a minute, something's screwing up on these headphones. Stop moving around. Let me say this. I don't want to get this speech anymore from the stewardess and first-class. They come around and they do this. Listen, we have the chicken, we have the salmon, and we have the steak, but we may be out of some of those. So go ahead and make your decision. Well, I'm like, hey, where's the two grand going? You're out of salmon. You put enough salmon on this plane for me to eat five portions of salmon and five portions of steak at two grand. By the way, if you're out of something I want, I'm paying an extra two grand, I want you to duck like $800. That's what I say. Don't you agree with them?
1:28:31🔗
Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce
Then you get up there and all they have is like Miller Lite and Bud Light and you know.
1:28:43🔗
Adam
Let's hear an Anthrax song. Can we do that? Yeah. Anderson relax. He doesn't like it. What the hell is going on with these headphones? Stop moving around. I blame you.
1:28:52🔗
Adam
All right. This is off the CD, Return of the Killer A's and this one is called Bring the Noise. Yep, it is Loveline. Scott and John are both here from Anthrax. Return of the Killer A's is the name of the CD you've been hearing tonight. I suggest you go out and get it if you haven't already.
1:33:27🔗
Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce
I don't want Joe and me in any way, shape, or form in the same room while he's masturbating.
1:33:57🔗
Caller
Yeah. I got two questions really quick. First of all, Adam, you think you can give me your autograph?
1:34:05🔗
Caller
And a second thing, do you think you can change the crap that they play while you're on commercial on the phone?
1:34:31🔗
Adam
They drive me insane. Yeah. You heard the national spot feed or something. Where are you calling from? Chicago. All right. Shouldn't you be hearing like some local spot or something in Chicago? I guess we're on hold. Maybe you're hearing what we're hearing. I don't know. Joe? Yeah. I'm not Jesus. I'm not doing any of those things for you. All right. Thank you.
1:35:08🔗
Caller
21. Yeah. I just turned 21 actually a couple of months ago. Yeah. I've been dating this girl about nine, 10 months now. She's not 21. She's only 19. She's real, I don't know how you say insecure, but just real, she doesn't like me going out without her. The whole bar scene is pretty much out of the question to begin with. I go out last Friday to a local club called China Beach. A couple of my buddies are shooting pool and I come back and I knew she'd be mad, but she's more towards the ballistic on that end. She just went off on me. All right.
1:36:02🔗
Caller
There you go. But here's what I'm thinking. What if she's just doing that because she thinks I'm going to cheat on her because she thinks about cheating on me?
1:36:30🔗
Adam
That's right. You don't want to be getting to all this. I mean, listen, everyone deserves a chance to change. You can talk to her and explain it to her, but if she doesn't get it, then you just move on. You're 21. You're going to bars. You're having a good time. You're meeting people. You just keep that going.
1:36:53🔗
Yes?
1:36:57🔗
Well, today, I stopped on my period. I stopped menstruating. And I put a tampon in last night. And I took it out this morning after I got up from...
1:37:19🔗
Yeah.
1:37:21🔗
Uh, no, wait, I didn't take it out. I put it in first.
1:37:27🔗
I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I'm just really nervous.
1:37:34🔗
What?
1:37:37🔗
Yeah. And I went to the bathroom and it wasn't there.
1:37:45🔗
What?
1:37:47🔗
I heard in my health class that it can get stuck up inside of you, but if it is, I don't know how far it is and I don't know what the symptoms are.
1:37:56🔗
Adam
All right. So you think it sort of crept up you or the tampon fairy paid a visit to the house. I just found one under my pillow with a quarter next to it. It was great. I think my mom is drunk.
1:38:14🔗
Drew
Lost is a relative term. It's not going to travel too widely in your body. But they can be there and you not realize it.
1:38:24🔗
Adam
Listen, you can get toxic shock syndrome if you stay in there too long, right? Go to the doctor. Come on, Bruce.
1:38:33🔗
Adam
I know. You looked it up and you were wrong. You better listen this time and learn. I'm starting to sound like a pro wrestler.
1:38:44🔗
Adam
No, seriously. It was like two or three days or something and you can possibly get this toxic shock here.
1:38:56🔗
Well, probably, you know, but I don't want to get my fingers dirty.
1:39:05🔗
Adam
All right. Well, go in after it. What do you see? What you can do. And if you can't get it out yourself, then you got to go to a gynecologist and have a they send the dog in and they get it out. It's not a big dog. It's the one they use if they're bred to root foxes out of their out of their dens.
1:39:26🔗
Adam
All right. Seriously, try to get it yourself. And if you can't get yourself, you got to go to the doctor because you don't want to get the toxic shock. All right. All right. Listen, if I were a woman, I'd have a leash like they use on a surfboard attached to my tampon. I wouldn't want to take any chances with that baby. I mean, you just put the Velcro thing around your ankle. You have a six foot of surgical tubing that goes up to it, and then like a little roach clip that goes on to the end of the thing.
1:39:53🔗
Adam
You know what I'm saying? You got into trouble, you swing the thing around and fling it at somebody or something.
1:40:03🔗
Adam
No, but I have thought of the condom garter. That is the thing. It's like two roach clips and a long piece of elastic goes around your waist and clips on to each end of the condom so it doesn't roll off on the woman. That does happen. Then I started thinking about this garter, and I thought, well, if you're going to have a thing going around your waist, why not a place to hold a beer or a pack of smokes? Why not a little back support? Why not flare it out in the back there for the lower back?
1:40:31🔗
Adam
You know, the guys that don't throw their back out? And then, you know, what's wrong with a little pocket flashlight hanging off it? And, you know, like I said, place a little holster for the TV remote or the VCR remote. Why not make this into a sort of sexual utility belt? Yeah.
1:40:54🔗
Adam
That was a very good point, and thank you for bringing it up. We'll take a little break.
1:41:38🔗
Adam
All right. Well, that's it. Bruce, wonderful job as usual. All right. Easy on the coffee there, Buckaroo. I want to thank John and Scott from Anthrax. Thank you. Thank you. You guys are good guests, fun guys, and good musicians, and anytime you like to come back, right on, it would be our pleasure. Return of the Killer A's is the name of the CD. Please go out and get it, and if you have it, buy it again. Support the band, and until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Bruce. Say mahalo.