Monday, January 24, 2000

1:24🔗 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

1:35🔗 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

1:37🔗 Voiceover Loveline.

1:45🔗 Adam Oh, this mic? Yeah, well, yeah. What's wrong with this mic here, Anderson?

1:53🔗 Oh, boy.

1:54🔗 Adam Well, we're really off to start tonight. Let's see. Let me fix something here. Hey, I'm Adam Corolla. Dr. Bruce is allegedly filling in for Dr. Drew tonight, although Dr. Bruce is not here just yet. Dr. Bruce, the same Dr. Bruce who told me last night, get here 15 minutes early so we can hang out and talk about model airplanes, guitars, and cars is not here when the show started. Although I'm sure he's listening somewhere. Hopefully, in hell and more appropriately on the 10 freeway and he should haul his squirrely, big Adam's appled ass in here any moment now. Now, this leaves me an interesting position because it's just me, no doctor, and a rabbi. I never thought this would happen. But now I'm going to see if I can pronounce the rabbi's name correctly. Shmuley, right? First name.

2:50🔗 Drew You got that right.

2:51🔗 Adam And Boteach.

2:53🔗 Drew Boteach. Boteach. Boteach, yeah.

2:56🔗 Adam Rabbi...

2:57🔗 Drew It means he who dispenses why sexual advice.

3:00🔗 Adam Anne Flemm. Boteach. He is the author of Kosher Sex and Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments. It's in its sixth printing, although they just printed ten, ten, ten, ten, and ten.

3:14🔗 Drew That's right. They did.

3:16🔗 Adam So it's only sixty books that have been printed.

3:19🔗 Drew Exactly. And all of which have been bought by family members.

3:22🔗 Adam I'm sure Boteach, you gave them to him. Well, wait a minute.

3:25🔗 Drew What do you mean? We had to pay him off.

3:27🔗 Adam Now, Rabbi, I think Drew got hold of this book. He has quite a thirst for knowledge, that Dr. Drew. And I'm sorry that he's not here tonight to be with you. And I'm actually sorry that there's no doctor here tonight to be with me. But I'm actually more sorry that my goddamn microphone is not working. Oh, it's on. It's working now. All right. I'll get back to my mic. Hello. Hey. Now I sound like myself. But Dr. Drew read the book, or at least read it as much as he reads a book, which is flipping through it, and seemed to be impressed by it. So let's talk about it. And let's talk about how this is going to affect most of our Goyim 16-year-old stone listeners.

4:12🔗 Drew Right.

4:13🔗 Adam Because we don't have a large Hasidic following.

4:17🔗 Drew So no one here who's listening tonight has sex through a sheet with a hole in the middle. Is that what you're telling me?

4:21🔗 Adam Right. Or does any... Yeah. Before we get in the book, though, I want to... Being a rabbi, see, I love the Jewish religion. I'm an atheist. But if I was going to come back as something, I'd come back as a Jew. Because...

4:35🔗 Drew You want to get a discount on everything you buy.

4:37🔗 Adam No, I'm not going to make... No, no jokes about the noses or the hair on the women's lips or the wide haunches or the cheapness or the wholesale.

4:46🔗 Drew Or the Jewish husbands having to, like, foreplay consisting of a half hour of begging on their knees beforehand and stuff like that.

4:52🔗 Adam None of those jokes at all.

4:53🔗 Drew A little stereotype joke.

4:54🔗 Adam I like the Jewish religion for this reason. Very family-oriented. I knew a few Jews growing up. I had mostly goyim friends, but I had a few friends up in the hills. Jeff Buck, Nate Wittenberg, George Geldon, guys like that. Family stayed together. Kids went to college. Hair was a little nappy. But other than that, everything worked out for these guys. And it was a strong, strong family. And that's what I appreciate about the Jewish religion. And they like to eat. Strong family.

5:27🔗 Drew They sound like Italians.

5:29🔗 Adam Yeah, except for Italians. I look at Italians. I'm Italian.

5:33🔗 Drew Except that Italians aren't scared of Jews. That's what it comes down to.

5:36🔗 Adam I look at Italians as stupid Jews. With differently shaped noses, but still big noses. That's basically what I look at Italians like.

5:46🔗 Drew Wouldn't you rather have a name Tony than Yonkel?

5:48🔗 Adam Yeah, I would. Yeah, it's like, Moishe is not as sexy as Anthony.

5:54🔗 Drew Exactly, exactly.

5:55🔗 Adam But I really, I do appreciate the Jewish religion. And like I said, if I was going to come back, it would be as a Jew. But before we get into the book, I'm fascinated because my step-grandfather was Jewish. And he used to tell me, and he's from the old country, he was from Hungary. And he would tell me about all these bizarre rituals. I mean, all the, you know, shave your face with a wooden stick because you're not supposed to put metal on your face and all this great stuff. Give me some good zingers. Give me like the top five bizarre Jewish rituals that nobody follows today.

6:32🔗 Drew Well, before the Jewish Day of Atonement, we sort of like twirl a chicken around our head. How about that? Does that count as a zinger?

6:39🔗 Adam Yeah, that's solid.

6:40🔗 Drew Yeah.

6:41🔗 Adam You can't.

6:41🔗 Drew It's the Day of Atonement. And well, really, it symbolizes in biblical times, of course, and even later in temple times, until the Romans destroyed the temple in the year 70 of the Common Era. There was a sacrificial service which was meant to atone for man's sins. I mean, it symbolized the fact that we had to sacrifice for God, that we had to do things that represent... I think we have our Dr. Bruce here.

7:03🔗 Adam Speaking of God, here comes the born again, Bruce rolling in five minutes late. God bless him.

7:08🔗 Drew With this thermos, you're really planning to stay awake during this broadcast, I see. They've got coffee there.

7:12🔗 Adam That coffee is for me. All right. Now put your headphones on. You can apologize to me later and start doing your job.

7:18🔗 Drew There's some other stuff which we count as a zinger, but it actually works. For example, I mean, sexually speaking, married Jewish couples have a period of 12 days of sexual separation in marriage, which is meant to induce this erotic obstacle. In other words, instant accessibility and availability is often the bane of eroticism. It's what snuffs out. So a lot of people feel that that's bizarre, but it really restores passion.

7:42🔗 Adam No, I'm familiar with that.

7:44🔗 Drew It's not mixing milk and meat.

7:46🔗 Adam Oh yeah, I like milking, mixing the dairy with the meats, a good one, using the different sets of plates. It really sounds like a very involved religion.

7:57🔗 Drew It is. Well, the culinary stuff is pretty involved.

8:00🔗 Adam Yeah. See, to me, way too complicated. I couldn't figure it all out. What foods to mix, when to eat, when not to eat.

8:06🔗 Drew Once a week on the Sabbath, we become like the Amish. We don't use any technology or electricity. I mean, we withdraw from trying to exercise our mastery over creation. We become one with the universe. So we sort of like meditate on...

8:19🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Isn't there an admonition to have, let's see, sex four times on the Sabbath or something like that in the Old Testament?

8:23🔗 Drew Per hour.

8:25🔗 Adam Jesus Christ. I'll tell you...

8:27🔗 Drew Why do you think these Jewish husbands lose all their hair so early?

8:32🔗 Adam One thing I do like about the Jews is they took the Sabbath on Saturday, which is smart for a couple of reasons. A, you don't work on Saturday when a lot of bosses want you to work, and then they don't want you to work on Sunday, but you got it off anyway because they don't want you to work. And B, you only miss college football on Saturday, but you don't miss any of the pro games while you're over at Temple, right?

8:55🔗 Drew The pro games are now on Saturdays as well.

8:57🔗 Adam No, that's rough.

8:58🔗 Drew It's anti-Semitic. They did it purposely to screw the Jews.

9:01🔗 Adam NFL hates the Jews.

9:02🔗 Drew Exactly.

9:03🔗 Adam They're jealous of all the Jews breaking into the league.

9:05🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce I grew up Seventh-Day Adventists, so we had the best...

9:08🔗 Drew You have all the similarities, yeah.

9:10🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Oh yeah.

9:10🔗 Drew You get all the Jewish practices without the persecution.

9:14🔗 Adam But both of you guys...

9:15🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce But my father's side of the family is Jewish, so I share in the persecution too.

9:19🔗 Adam Bruce, you're a fairly religious guy, right? And of course, a rabbi is. And I'm an atheist, and you're both intelligent guys. When you really sit down and think about it, it's really all nonsense, isn't it? It's got a rich tradition. No one's going anywhere, though. I mean, really, no one's going anywhere.

9:41🔗 Drew Well, you know, and I...

9:43🔗 Adam I mean, is it you? Where are you going? You die. They bury you that afternoon. They cover up some mirrors, and everyone comes over and eats. Where do you go after that?

9:52🔗 Drew I remember in Oxford once, one of the students came to me and said, you know, am I going to go to hell when I die? And I said, well, we Jews don't believe in hell, you know. We just have heaven, which is really cool. So he said to me, he said to me, how is that going to help me when I get there? Am I going to tell them that my rabbi didn't believe in you? So there is that argument. But look, Adam, what happens if you get somewhere and it's not just the abyss? What happens?

10:15🔗 Adam Now, listen, you're going to the abyss, huh? Let me explain religion to both of you. Somebody saw somebody die millions of years ago, decided they must go somewhere else because I'm going to die one day too. And I don't want to go sit in the dirt. So they want somewhere better. Everyone bought into it because everyone is on this planet, knows they're going to die eventually, so you might as well buy into this nonsense. And it's one big pipe dream. I mean, give me a break. Nothing's going to happen. You die, that's it, you're gone. The good news is you don't know it. It's like before you were born. That's the beauty of it.

10:50🔗 Drew Now, let me throw the argument right back at you, okay? Okay, there's no God, right? No soul and no afterlife. Well, then there's no love, right? Because love is also an illusion. Love is an illusion created by our genes to ensure that we all propagate the species. We have sex at night so that we have the widest possible distribution of our gene pool. But love is only an illusion. I mean, the same reductionist philosophy that says that religion is an illusion would say that romance, poetry, all that stuff, anything other than the hard sciences is also an illusion because it's not verifiable. No one has ever, ever found love in a laboratory, correct?

11:24🔗 Adam Right, but listen, poetry and songs and literature, that's all an extension of an inbred human capacity to want to procreate, want to be intimate, but it's an illusion. And want to be with somebody.

11:37🔗 Drew So in the same way that we had to invent religion to deal with death, we had to invent love to try to justify our sex drive, correct?

11:43🔗 Adam I'll go along with that. I absolutely will.

11:46🔗 Drew Now, as your girlfriend, are you married?

11:48🔗 Adam No.

11:48🔗 Drew Is your girlfriend listening to this?

11:50🔗 Adam No, I hope not. She doesn't speak English. She's Taiwanese. I keep her tied up in the basement. And I only let her listen to AM radio.

12:00🔗 Drew Sounds like pretty unkosher sex. That's pretty good.

12:02🔗 Adam All right. Listen, we got to take some calls. And I know I have done no job at all of plugging the book so far. But we'll get a call and then we'll get to plug in as the night wears on. David?

12:14🔗 Hey.

12:15🔗 Adam You're 17.

12:16🔗 Caller Yep.

12:18🔗 Long time listener. Second time caller, actually.

12:20🔗 Adam Great. What's up?

12:23🔗 Every time I go down to my girlfriend, there's this foul odor down there. And I don't know how I'm supposed to approach her about it or if there's anything I can do or what.

12:33🔗 Adam Yeah. She could have an infection or something, David.

12:37🔗 That's what I was thinking. But I don't want to hurt her feeling, you know, because that would be pretty mean if I walk up and say, hey, you stink.

12:45🔗 Drew You're one of those romantics, Dave, huh?

12:48🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce How often does she have a pelvic exam, which is routine health maintenance? You could express a concern about her having her pap smear once or twice a year. And when that pelvic exam is done, generally sexually active young people, they'll check for chlamydia, gonorrhea, then there's Giardia. There are certain organisms that do create a fishy odor, which may be what you're referring to, that are easily treated. So you may deal with it by encouraging her to have that done as a health maintenance thing. You may want to go with her and talk to the physician with her. That's fairly normal for a significant other.

13:21🔗 Adam Hey, David. No, listen, no 17-year-old's going into the gynecologist office.

13:24🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce He sounds very mature.

13:25🔗 Adam I'm 35. I don't even know what a gynecologist does. I'm not going in the office. I wouldn't go in there if they had Sam Adams on tap in the waiting room.

13:34🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce We're also not using you for the reference.

13:37🔗 Adam My point is, David's not going anywhere. Has she gone to the gynecologist before?

13:43🔗 I would hope so.

13:45🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce You don't know.

13:45🔗 Adam You don't know. David, listen to me. This is the angle on this one. He dispenses advice all the time. It's very solid. You go down there, you know, you tell her this. You were listening to Loveline. Somebody phoned in. They spoke about a girlfriend that had a little odor down there. Dr. Drew or Dr. Bruce or whatever quack was sitting to my left said, this could be the sign of infection. You then noticed something on her and were worried about her. Dr. Drew seemed concerned about the caller and told her that she should go in and see the gynecologist because he was worried about a potential infection. Because you love her so much, she should go to the gynecologist and look out for this potential infection. Oh, shut up.

14:29🔗 Drew Let me throw something in here as well. You know, if you look at the 19th century French erotic literature, they never mention a woman's looks. They mention her casserole, which is the scent of a woman.

14:39🔗 Adam Really?

14:39🔗 Drew Yeah, the scent of a woman. And there's that famous letter from Napoleon to Josephine.

14:42🔗 Adam They had the tuna casserole over here. But, yeah.

14:46🔗 Drew Almost as good. So Napoleon wrote to Josephine when he won the Battle of Marengo, that big battle in the Italian campaign. I'll be home in three days. Don't bathe. Now, when we hear this stuff today, we say, ugh, right? But once upon a time, men actually appreciated the scent of a woman. Now, I'm not going to go into foul odors and stuff like that. But the point is that sometimes something which we think is foul is actually very feminine, and men today, I think, are sensually deprived. In other words, sex is beautiful because it's a celebration of the senses, and we have these five sticky points, the nose, the ears, the sense of touch. Men today are entirely visual, and they actually are turned off by the sound of a woman, by the scent of a woman.

15:23🔗 Adam It's interesting, yeah, because you know what? It makes them real, and men don't like that. We just want fake boobs and lip gloss, and go ahead and put some makeup on.

15:31🔗 Drew And we also want to be addicts, exactly, and we want to be able to just look at the looks of a woman, get that instant buzz, that instant thrill, that instant high, but that does not make for a solid relationship. We're too visually oriented.

15:41🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce How about the pheromones? And we've identified a pheromone receptor in the area of the nose, so sense of smell or...

15:47🔗 Adam Alright, but listen, after a long day out swinging a hammer, I've smelt myself down there, and it ain't pretty. And that's one day. We're not talking about you.

15:55🔗 Drew That ain't three days like Napoleon was.

15:56🔗 Adam I'm saying I wouldn't wish that on any woman. No, no. Alright then. Sarah? Hi. You're 19.

16:03🔗 Caller Yeah. My question is, is last night I had gone to the emergency room and I had like the flu all day long. I was really dehydrated and dizzy. And the doctor said that I needed IV fluids right away. So they hooked me up to an IV and they gave me some kind of shot to help with the nauseousness. And like halfway through it, I started getting really like dizzy and I felt like the walls were caving in and like things were going to start jumping out of me. And like people were going to start attacking me or something. And I was begging the nurse, let me go home, let me go home. I can't handle this anymore. I felt like I was going to be attacked.

16:44🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Okay. That's, you know, that was probably me in the emergency room last night. Couldn't have been a bad result for me.

16:49🔗 Caller And anyway, they were like, oh, you're having a slight reaction. Let's give you some Benadryl.

16:54🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Right.

16:55🔗 Caller And like 10 minutes later, it still wasn't working. By this time, I was freaking. And I had pulled my IV out.

17:01🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Okay.

17:02🔗 Caller And snuck and got my clothes on and left. And to this point, I am still very paranoid. I won't go outside. I am just freaking out.

17:09🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Okay. Doctors give things in the phenothiazine family, stuff like, and then compazine, droperidol is a common one. Haldol is a tranquilizer.

17:18🔗 Adam They put that in the IV.

17:20🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce When somebody is nauseous, it really works very quickly. But, there is a side effect of these kinds of medications that is the feeling that you have got to run, you have got to get up, you have got to move, you get very extremely agitated inside.

17:35🔗 Adam So, that is what happened.

17:36🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce You didn't get enough.

17:37🔗 Adam What should she do?

17:38🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Well, you don't have any psychiatric problems, any psychiatric history?

17:41🔗 Adam No.

17:42🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Hello?

17:43🔗 Adam I put her on hold. We have got to take more than five calls tonight. Just go ahead.

17:48🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce So, you should really go back to the emergency room and trust me, this is something that it's a matter of getting the right amount of medication.

17:54🔗 Adam Won't it wear off?

17:56🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce But it can last for days, and it's extremely uncomfortable.

17:59🔗 Adam Okay. So, go back in, explain the symptoms, and they should know this time.

18:03🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce It happens all the time.

18:04🔗 Adam Okay. And don't be so freaked out that you can't go back in. Dr. Bruce, by the way, filling in for Dr. Drew. Dr. Bruce, a board certified physician, does emergency medicine and specializes in addiction medicine as well. Yeah. Michael?

18:17🔗 Drew You get all the plugs. The rabbi's treated like chopped liver, you know. I'm just like a-

18:21🔗 Adam I'll tell you one thing about you Jews, you love liver. What is it with the Jews and the liver? I hate liver. All goyum I know hate liver, but Jews, they wish they made the liver milkshake.

18:32🔗 Drew It's the most romantic human organ, the liver.

18:35🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Adam's romanced a few livers when he was in the Navy.

18:37🔗 Adam He read Portnoy, he's going to complain once.

18:39🔗 Drew That's right.

18:40🔗 Adam That's a great book.

18:41🔗 Drew Nice man, but I wouldn't shake his hand. Right.

18:43🔗 Adam That's it.

18:43🔗 Yeah.

18:44🔗 Adam All right. Michael. Michael. The caller goes by the name Michael, who's 16 years old, who wants to increase his penis size without surgery.

18:53🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce He's working on it right now.

18:54🔗 Adam All right.

18:55🔗 Drew Well, can I give Michael some advice on that one?

18:56🔗 Adam Yes.

18:57🔗 Drew Michael, it's not the length of the stick, it's the magic in the wand. Really, size does not matter because what women want is a guy who's a bit romantic, and the moment you reduce sex to dimensions, you actually stuff out its magic. So, I'd go back to the magic in the wand, my friend.

19:13🔗 Magic wand, yes, my penis grows.

19:15🔗 Adam All women want is oral sex anyway, so who cares what size the penis is? Rachel?

19:20🔗 Yeah.

19:21🔗 Adam You're 16. What's going on?

19:24🔗 Caller Well, I have a question for the Rabbi. Okay, what is the myth behind the whole thing with using a sheet when they have sex?

19:32🔗 Drew Yeah, well, actually, there is that belief that Jews, religious Jews, have sex through a sheet with a hole in the middle. And actually, I'm glad you asked that because it gives me the opportunity to dispel the rumor we do not have sex through a sheet with a hole in the middle. We actually have sex in two separate bedrooms through a hole in the wall. And often we have sex with full body armor, you know, with those lifted plates and stuff like that. No, this is nothing but one of those...

19:53🔗 Caller I know. I mean, I'm the Rabbi to myself.

19:56🔗 Drew No, this is one of those great anti-Semitic slurs. Whenever you want to attack a racial group, you always go after their sexuality. But what I don't understand is, if they're going to use racial stereotypes, why do black men get these great stereotypes and the Jewish men get these awful ones? I just can't figure it out. But usually you will attack the group's sexuality and the way they procreate and stuff like that in order to make fun of them and degrade them. But this has never been true. In fact, in my book Kosher Sex, I speak about how real sex is flesh press against flesh. And in Jewish law, Jewish sexual law, you're not even allowed to wear clothing. You have to have... It's supposed to be... You're supposed to become one flesh. And the emotions which sex generates is meant to sew you together as one flesh. So there can't be any clothing impeding it.

20:37🔗 Adam Can one flesh wear socks?

20:39🔗 Drew Well, as long as they're really sexy socks with like little bunny rabbits on the bottom and stuff like that.

20:43🔗 Adam That would be a lot. That's the whole problem with the whole Jew thing. It's a full time job. Full time. Full time. What am I going to eat? We got to press some flesh. I can't look at pornography. It's Saturday. I can't mow the lawn because it takes gas in the mower. That's oh, what a way to live.

21:01🔗 Drew Well, what about the other other way? I've got emails to respond to. I have a cell phone that's ringing. I got to go see a movie. There's other pressures. If you can have life is full of pressures. The question is, which ones are you going to choose to have?

21:11🔗 Adam You you say in your book here that masturbation is not acceptable.

21:18🔗 Drew Well, I don't say any not even I don't say even once in the book that something is not acceptable. What I try to do is I try to explain what can enhance our sex lives and what can actually revert the phenomenal loss of passion in modern sexual relationships. I mean, national studies show that sex on average lasts five and a half minutes per encounter, which is why the average husband says to his wife, let's have a quickie tonight. She looks back at him and says, as opposed to what? I mean, that's really what she only knows. Now, when it takes longer to smoke the cigarette after sex and it did to have it, passion has been lost from our relationships.

21:49🔗 Adam That's why I smoke during sex.

21:51🔗 Drew You just do both at once, right?

21:52🔗 Adam I'm very efficient.

21:53🔗 Drew But so the point of masturbation is it releases our sexual steam and I think that sexual steam has to be built up for it to be really erotic. Our libido can't have these constant outlets, so it's going to be powerful.

22:02🔗 Adam All right, but listen, mathematician man, how long is sex going to last once you've got a nice head of steam built up? I mean, if sex lasted five and a half minutes when you blew off a little steam the afternoon before, let's say you haven't blown any steam off in a week, how long is it going to last?

22:17🔗 Drew I think it's inversely proportional to the amount of foreplay. And men today, so many men today complain to me their wives are frigid in bed, and I say to them, if you've taken no time to heat up the oven, don't complain when the dish is half-baked. I mean, really, the whole day is foreplay, and that's when sex is great, when it's the culmination of emotional intimacy, which was built up during the day, but when it's just like, hey, I'm tired, and I need something to relax me at night so I can sleep, let's have sex.

22:44🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce So, when you watch MTV and see the sexual imagery there for the kids, teenagers, visualize, what do you think about that in terms of what it's teaching them?

22:54🔗 Drew Well, I'll tell you something. The other day, I did this debate against Larry Flint, and he's a decent guy, but we debated about the hustler and pornography. My whole argument against these strong sexual images and everything is simply this, it's boring. After a while, you become so desensitized to it, you got to push the envelope further and further, and that's what leads people to doing outrageous sexual stuff because sex with our partner has become pretty damn boring.

23:14🔗 Adam Well, I got to agree with you on that, but I still like the hard stuff every once in a while. But listen, Rav, I have an important question. Do you have a special yarmulke for the shower, or do you just wear your normal yarmulke, or can you take it off to get in the shower?

23:30🔗 Drew What we do is we have a condom shaped yarmulke.

23:32🔗 Adam Uh-huh. You put that over.

23:34🔗 Drew Right, it sort of covers the whole body.

23:35🔗 Adam Over the stock yarmulke.

23:36🔗 Drew Exactly, yeah. And this way it's waterproof and all that, so right.

23:39🔗 Adam All right.

23:40🔗 Drew And I have one for you before we leave today.

23:41🔗 Adam Oh, you have a yarmulke?

23:42🔗 Drew Yeah.

23:43🔗 Adam Yeah, you know, I'll tell you what.

23:45🔗 Drew It's got one of those Izodla cost alligators on it, so it's designer and fashionable as well.

23:49🔗 Adam I could use a new yarmulke. I wore right through my old yarmulke, all that thinking I do when I wear that yarmulke.

23:56🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Rubbing your head.

23:56🔗 Drew It caught fire, all that friction.

23:58🔗 Adam It's always the weird part when you go over to the Trudy and Jewels Mandel's house for Passover and it's like the goyem got to dawn the yarmulke too, but you get that cheap throw away yarmulke.

24:11🔗 Drew That's right. That looks like a little pyramid, like a little mountains in place on your head.

24:14🔗 Adam Let me tell you something about a yarmulke. Yarmulke is like a baseball mitt. You got to work it in and you just go out there, the brand new shiny hard rock mitt. You're not going to have any game at all. So you go over to the Mandel's house, you sit down there. They're doing Seder. Some guy hands you a yarmulke that comes in a 24-pack they got from Costco and you feel like the biggest dork in the world. It's got creases in it. It's not sitting right. And a yarmulke is a weird hint because you don't know when it's on and when it's off. So every five minutes while I'm trying to eat, I keep reaching up, where's the yarmulke? Maybe it's slid.

24:48🔗 Drew Well, you know, on Dr. Bruce over here, he's got this beautiful bouffant hair thing, man. I mean, you try to put a yarmulke on that and we're talking, he's going to have to duck five feet to walk through that door when he goes out.

24:57🔗 Adam But you see, you need to roll a duck tape to hold that yarmulke on. Hold on a second, boys. We got to take ourselves a break. This show is just getting out of hand. All right. Here's the deal. I'm going to call you, can I call you by your first name, Rabbi?

25:12🔗 Drew Yeah, Shmuley, which is, you know what it means, don't you?

25:15🔗 Adam No.

25:16🔗 Drew Well, Shmuel, it's two Hebrew words. Shmuel comes from the Hebrew root word Shamu, which means killer whale, larger than life, and Lee from the Hebrew word Pamela and Shanee. So together, it's larger than life Jewish sex symbol.

25:28🔗 Adam I'll tell you what, every Jew is a comedian. That's going to be the name of my book.

25:31🔗 Drew Hey, with our history, man, we had a laugh.

25:33🔗 Adam Even the rabbis will do 10 minutes at a bar mitzvah. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. Rabbi Shmuel is here and Dr. Bruce Villanen for Dr. Drew. When we come back, we'll speak to Tara, who's 27, has sexual dreams about family members. Even the atheist disapproves of this. We'll get back to Tara after this. Meet, it is the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Bruce over there, filling in for Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Snoop Dogg will be in here later in the week, and talk about an eclectic week. Rabbi Shmuley both is here tonight. He's the author of Kosher Sex and Dating, Secrets of the Ten Commandments. And he's a rabbi, he's a lecturer. He was at Oxford, and an author, and the book's in at Six Printing. And even if you're not Jewish, you will still get some information out of this book.

27:06🔗 Drew Even for the uncircumcised, Kosher Sex is a cut above, as I like to say.

27:10🔗 Adam I'll tell you, let me tell you something about the Jews. Jews are just chock full of anecdotes and isms. It is a very verbal culture.

27:21🔗 Drew People of the metaphor, that's right.

27:22🔗 Adam Yeah, it's, I've never met a Jew. My grandfather, he, this guy, he would tell you a story. Now, as you got older, you'd hear the same one for the 150th time.

27:34🔗 Drew But embellished endlessly, you know, and exaggerated.

27:37🔗 Adam Man, it's, it's, it's, it's a, I've never, you know, like Catholics, they're not so good at talking, Christians, they're not much, but the Jews, they can really talk. Jesus.

27:50🔗 Drew And, and, and, and all those medical ailments, that's, that's really cool. I mean, what did your grandfather tell you about, like his hip replacement and how often his, like loins failed him?

28:00🔗 Adam Well, my grandfather's favorite line, he died at 93 or 94. His favorite line was, you know, say, grandpa, how do you feel? And he'd say, I feel good. But if I felt this way at 25, I'd call an ambulance. And it's like, yep, there you go. That's, that's what it is. And it just keeps getting worse with age. Tara?

28:22🔗 Caller Yeah.

28:23🔗 Adam Is it Tara or Tara?

28:24🔗 Caller It's Tara.

28:25🔗 Adam Tara, you're 27. You had a sexual dream about a family member?

28:29🔗 Caller Well, I occasionally have sexual dreams about family members and also other women like strangers. And I just, I wonder what that could mean.

28:40🔗 Adam Well, when you say other women, so the family members, your mom or your sister?

28:47🔗 Caller Well, yeah. I mean, I've had dreams on occasion about both my parents or my sisters or also just like other, like just women that I don't even know.

28:58🔗 Adam And are you engaging in sex with your mom?

29:00🔗 Caller No. No. I mean, I-

29:02🔗 Adam Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that just because you're having sexual dreams.

29:05🔗 Caller I have a really normal family life, you know, and I've, you know, I have boyfriends and-

29:09🔗 Drew Do you live at home, Tara?

29:10🔗 Caller No.

29:11🔗 Drew You know, I've written a book about dreams, so let me just get into this for a second. Yeah, I have. For many years, I was really interested in interpreting my own dreams. Firstly, mostly what we dream is what we think about during the day. So, do you ever fantasize about family members during the day, or do these dreams entirely surprise you?

29:30🔗 Caller They surprise me, and during the dream, it doesn't seem strange or anything, but then I wake up and it just really-

29:36🔗 Adam Well, what are you doing with them?

29:39🔗 Caller Well, I don't know, like having sex, really, most of the time. I mean, I don't have-

29:46🔗 Adam Didn't I ask that about 10 minutes ago?

29:48🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Is it the male and female members of the family?

29:50🔗 Caller Yeah.

29:51🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce No. And anything out of the normal boundaries when you were younger that you remember?

29:56🔗 Caller Nothing at all. No. I mean, no. Not at all.

29:59🔗 Adam You able to have relationships now?

30:01🔗 Caller Yeah. I have always had healthy relationships with boyfriends and everything like that.

30:05🔗 Adam All right. Well, listen, the proof is in the pudding, as they say. If you have, this is what I've learned from this show, if you can maintain a healthy relationship with someone of the opposite sex or even the same sex, if the limits are there, if everything's working out, the intimacy is fine, all that, these dreams can be damned. It doesn't matter. You know what I mean? The bottom line is, is you can function in a relationship. So how far, how bad can you be?

30:29🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Well, if they start causing it, you'd be anxious.

30:31🔗 Adam Weird. I understand.

30:33🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Unresolved.

30:33🔗 Adam And last, hold on. Tara?

30:35🔗 Caller Yeah?

30:36🔗 Adam Is your mom really hot?

30:38🔗 Caller Well, no.

30:39🔗 Adam No, okay. Tara, can I ask you something else?

30:42🔗 Drew This dream that you have, do you remember, is it in full color or is it black and white?

30:46🔗 Caller I always dream in color.

30:48🔗 Drew Because very often, the dreams that we have are unfulfilled wishes. And I don't mean necessarily about the sexual content here, but for many people, sex is a metaphor for intimacy. And it could be that if you have a very, very alienated relationship and you're distant from your parents and you don't know how to correct it, some people use these extreme ways of wanting to do so by employing sexual imagery.

31:11🔗 Adam That is very astute. I do agree with that. That's an interesting observation. Let me ask you about dreams, by the way, because I didn't know this was a sideline of yours. I never seem to dream about anything. I mean anything significant. My dreams personally are very mundane. I do not have grandiose dreams. My theory on why I don't have grandiose dreams is I would wake up immediately. If I was on top of Claudia Schiffer, I would know immediately that something was awry, that this could not be actual life, that I must be dreaming, and therefore I would wake up or if I had won the lottery or scored the winning touchdown in a Super Bowl. I have dreams where I go down to the kitchen, open the fridge, I'm out of mayonnaise. I swear to God I've had this dream. I'm out of mayonnaise. I swore I bought some mayonnaise and I walked back up to my bedroom thinking, I've got to get some more mayonnaise and I go do whatever. Very mundane dreams. Now what's your theory behind that?

32:06🔗 Drew I think the mundane dreams are the most significant of all. It's the non-grandiose dreams that tell us the most about ourselves. The main difference between waking reality and the dream reality is, in waking reality, it's all about manipulation. I mean, I'm using words right now to manipulate a radio show and we're trying to make people laugh or get interested, etc. So we're taking images and we're using them according, we're putting them in a sequence in a pattern that serves our purposes. Of course, in a dream, the beauty of a dream is there's no manipulation because our objective intellect is asleep and now we're just putting together a stream of ideas based on form, based on association. So you can begin to see how your mind thinks subconsciously. So when you go and you are missing some essential item like mayonnaise, it could really be a phenomenal metaphor of something missing in your life and you're not prepared to confront it. I know it sounds like, wow, maybe we're saying too much of this. But-

32:51🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce No, this is, you hit the nail, you know, if you go Adam-

32:54🔗 Drew I mean, what's your life like without mayonnaise?

32:56🔗 Adam But I'm not even a big fan.

32:57🔗 Drew You're eating tuna, which is like dry.

32:59🔗 Adam I'm not a huge fan of mayonnaise though. I have dreams about the, you know what my other most common dream is? Mondane negative things. Go down to my car, somebody busted the window and stole the stereo. That's like a dream of mine. Not I'm being attacked, not the car is stolen, just somebody stole the stereo. I got to go back up the stairs and call the insurance guy. That's a dream.

33:22🔗 Drew A lot of people value their stereos and their possessions more than they value themselves.

33:27🔗 Adam You know what I think this dream is for? I wake up, aha, this is interesting. I don't want to be disappointed. I wake up, I feel good. I wake up, I look at my car, the stereo is still in it, aha. If I dreamt I won the lotto, I'd wake up, I'd be disappointed. Instead I wake up, I'm elated, I have a stereo and some mayonnaise.

33:45🔗 Drew What's very interesting about your dreams though is that they all revolve around the concept of deprivation. You're always being deprived of something. No one's giving you anything.

33:54🔗 Adam That's true. We got to talk during the commercial because all Jews are geniuses. That's going to be the name of my book. I swear to God, these Jews are geniuses. They're all smart. They're smarter than everyone and that's why everyone picks on them because we're jealous.

34:10🔗 Drew Hey man, wait a second. It's so fine. I appreciate the compliment. But I'm sitting here in front of you. I'm about five foot two, right? I mean, you just basically picked me up with your arm and put me in my seat over here. Why couldn't God have balanced his brain thing with a bit of body? I want to be like the first Jewish rabbi wrestler.

34:27🔗 Adam Let me explain why the Jews are short. The brain is so goddamn heavy, they can't get over six foot. Robert?

34:34🔗 Yeah.

34:34🔗 Adam You're 22.

34:35🔗 Caller 22.

34:36🔗 Adam What's up?

34:37🔗 Caller Attracted the younger girls, mainly 16, 17-year-olds.

34:43🔗 Asshole.

34:44🔗 Adam And that was Dr. Drew from God knows where he is. And by the way, we got to hear the Drew shuffle and the Drew boogie tonight, Anderson. So you're 22. You're attracted to 16-year-old girls?

34:55🔗 Caller Yeah.

34:55🔗 Adam Okay. That's too young for you.

34:57🔗 Caller And they're kind of attracted to me.

34:58🔗 Adam Well, listen, everyone's attracted to 16-year-old girls, and a lot of 16-year-old girls are attracted to guys just because they have cars and live in their own one-bedroom crap hole somewhere in Van Nuys. Like, I'm sure you do, Robert.

35:11🔗 Caller Nope.

35:12🔗 Adam The point is, well, you're not out of the house yet?

35:14🔗 Caller No. I'm back in the, matter of fact, I'm back into my house.

35:17🔗 Adam Whose house?

35:18🔗 Caller My mom's house.

35:19🔗 Adam All right. Well, good. So everything's going along just according to plan, right?

35:24🔗 Caller Kind of, yeah.

35:25🔗 Adam Now, why are you back in the house?

35:27🔗 Caller Well, the girl I just broke up with, well, I don't know if I'm broke up or not, we've been going out for about two years and one month. We have an eight-and-a-half-month-old baby.

35:37🔗 Adam Yeah, boy.

35:39🔗 Caller We moved to Ohio in February and it didn't work out with me and her family because all her family lives in Ohio, so I moved back to Maryland.

35:48🔗 Adam Hey, Robert. Yeah. What do you do, construction?

35:51🔗 Caller Yeah, well, no, I work at a restaurant.

35:53🔗 Adam All right. Well, you almost agreed to the construction thing, didn't you?

35:56🔗 Caller Well, I did construction in the past.

35:58🔗 Adam Yeah, I can smell sawdust on it.

36:00🔗 Drew You're a prophet, man.

36:01🔗 Adam Let me tell you, I did construction. I have many years, so I know the guy. Hey, Robert, listen to me, goofball. You're 22 years old, you live in a home, you have a kid, you're a father. You have to be a man now. You can't take kids when you're a man. Everybody wants to get it on with a 16-year-old. We just don't.

36:16🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce It's a fantasy.

36:17🔗 Adam Okay.

36:17🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce What's the longest you've talked to the 16-year-old?

36:20🔗 Caller What I'm talking to you now? I just met her about a week ago.

36:23🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah, but it's not going to work. Your conversations aren't going to get very far. If you get into any kind of physical activity, it's going to be a disaster.

36:29🔗 Adam Oh, listen, believe me, the 16-year-old's smarter than he is. What, are you kidding me?

36:34🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce It's not smart, it's the level of-

36:36🔗 Adam Robert's like, I just broke up with my girlfriend. Yeah.

36:40🔗 Come on.

36:41🔗 Drew I read these lonely hearts ads all the time. I've never seen one that says the following, which you would expect to read. You would expect to see successful businessman seeks prostitute for love, long-term relationship, and marriage. Now, why is that? Because prostitutes should be the best kinds of wives. A, they have great bodies. B, they should be great in bed, otherwise they'd be bankrupt. C, they're usually wise because they have to survive on the streets. Perfect mate. Why aren't men interested in marrying prostitutes? I think the real reason is men find innocence sexy, and that's why so many men like these 16-year-olds. They think that this is a page that hasn't been written on, I could make my own imprint, and really cool. That's why men are attracted to the virginal qualities and stuff like that. But this is a perversion of innocence. We see youth as innocence, and really innocence is a woman who opens her heart to you, a woman who's prepared to accept your contribution, a woman who's prepared to share your life. So, this is an inversion of the whole innocent thing, and it's really bad.

37:33🔗 Adam Yeah, well, we've confused innocence with new. Exactly.

37:37🔗 Drew That's exactly what I'm saying. Right, thank you. You've said it far better than me. You see, Gentiles are also pretty smart.

37:42🔗 Adam Shock one up for the Gentile, everybody. All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break. We will hear the Dr. Drew shuffle and or boogie when we return, because I missed a guy. Dr. Bruce is filling in. Rabbi Shmuel Boteach is here.

37:59🔗 Drew You've got to get like a chicken bone stuck in your throat to say it properly.

38:02🔗 Adam I don't have enough phlegm to be a Jew. I tried to be a Jew once. They kicked me out. No, no, phlegm. Tossed me right out of the church, right out of the temple. All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break and then we'll come back. We'll speak to JJ's 27. Just found out that sex partner is married with kids. He wants to know if he should stay with her. We'll answer that after this.

38:24🔗 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, back in a minute.

38:28🔗 Adam Well, it's worth hearing. It is the Loveline. Adam Corolla is Dr. Bruce over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Snoop Dogg will be on Wednesday night, allegedly.

39:05🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce I'm bringing my posse on Wednesday night.

39:06🔗 Adam All right. And your posse consists of a husky nurse from Loma Linda. Come on. Rabbi Shmuel Boteach is here. He's the author of Kosher Sex and Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments. And I'll tell you what I want to do. I miss that Drew so much. I miss his voice. I want to hear the Dr. Drew shuffle or the Dr. Drew boogie both put together in exquisite fashion by the late great engineer Mike. And I also wouldn't mind to hear a couple of out-of-context Drew drops because I miss the son of a bitch so much. Could we hear something like that, Anderson?

39:52🔗 Pee on this stick makes me sick. Pee on this stick makes me sick. If I find you stealing my underwear again, here's what's gonna happen.

40:03🔗 Adam Asshole.

40:03🔗 Caller Stuff like this. Stuff like this. Stuff like this. Makes me sick. You're fat. Asshole. You're fat. Can I say that? You're fat.

40:11🔗 Caller Narn, you're overweight.

40:12🔗 Caller I want to be dominated. You're gay. I want to be dominated. You're gay. When I was 19, I ate about four boiled peyote buttons and stayed up all night but felt no effect. It's called intimacy. Can I say that? This is not acceptable. Can I say that? You're fat. Not acceptable. Pee on this stick. Can I say that?

40:38🔗 Caller How do you read girls' signals, dude?

40:41🔗 Adam Anderson, thanks for the mic. Let me hear just a few more of those true drops. Come on. I just want to hear. I don't know. I want to hear the one about the faggot better run. Why do you keep a RF.?

40:54🔗 Faggot better run.

40:55🔗 Adam Yeah. Come on. Drop a few in there.

40:57🔗 Caller I recently went to a fraternity party and got really drunk. I randomly hooked up with a guy and we had sex. I didn't even know his name the next morning. Now he keeps calling me and I don't even still remember his name. I'm keeping really a jizz guzzling. Ever since I stopped taking Depo-Provera, I've been lactating.

41:15🔗 Adam Geez, I don't even remember the jizz guzzling. No.

41:18🔗 Caller We'd be delighted if you get naked at a party.

41:20🔗 Adam It's really getting out of hand. All right. There goes the Dr. Drew Shuffle. For those of you who know the show, we'll hear the Dr. Drew Boogie.

41:29🔗 Caller Grandes exitos en español.

41:31🔗 Adam Updated version of that later on in the show. Don't let me forget about that. And now we'll get back to the phones. Jay, you're 27?

41:38🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm 27.

41:39🔗 Adam All right.

41:40🔗 Caller I'm a bartender and I met this girl last week, about a week and a half ago. And she turns out that she's 32 years old. And she's told me a couple nights ago that she's married and has two kids. We've been sexually active. And she tells me that the agreement between her and her husband is that they're together because of the kids. And it's a don't ask, don't tell policy.

42:10🔗 All right.

42:11🔗 Caller So I've been single for about two and a half years. And I'm looking for a girl to fall in love with. And I've, you know, I've met this girl and she's really great.

42:23🔗 Adam And Hey, Jay, Jay, let me let me make this observation. Is it that she's so great or that you're so desperate? No, come on. It's been two and a half years. She's obviously a little bit screwed up. She's in this bizarre relationship with her husband. She's hanging out at the bar talking to a guy who's 27. It sounds like Burgess Meredith for Christ's sake. I mean, she may not. You know what I'm saying? Listen, I've been there too, Jay. What I'm saying is, is I've gone long periods of time without dating, being single and stuff. And someone who's willing to date you seems like quite a prize.

42:59🔗 Caller It hasn't been two and a half years since I've had a date. It's been two and a half years since I've been in a relationship.

43:03🔗 Adam Well, you've been a little bit lonely, though, for the last few years, is what I'm saying. You haven't been.

43:09🔗 Drew What are you worried about with the kids? What's the question?

43:12🔗 Adam She's married.

43:13🔗 Caller If I should stay with her...

43:14🔗 Drew Oh, she's married.

43:16🔗 Adam She's married and has kids and lives with her husband. He's essentially...

43:19🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce So you have a stealth relationship with this gal? I don't understand. It's don't ask, don't tell. So she's going to stay with the guy. She's going to be mom. She's going to be the wife. And yet, how are you going to develop a relationship? It's not a relationship. You're talking about getting in the sack with her.

43:35🔗 Drew Every relationship has two fundamental components. And they are primacy. You put each other first. And the second is exclusivity. You make yourselves the one and only. And you seem to have neither. You have a primary in your life and you have no exclusivity. You have no relationship, man.

43:48🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Let's skip those two and go on to the next one.

43:51🔗 Drew You basically have sex. That's what you got.

43:54🔗 Adam Yeah, that's what he has.

43:54🔗 Drew And sex maketh not a relationship.

43:56🔗 Adam No, but if he wanteth a relationship, and if he just wanteth her for sexeth, then that's his prerogativeeth. But he wants more than that and he's going to be in for some bitter disappointment.

44:08🔗 Drew Absolutely.

44:09🔗 Adam Alright, so move on. You're a bartender, for Christ's sake. You know, bartending is the greatest job in the world. Women pay you to get them loaded. I mean, all these other idiots are sitting around the bar dropping a week's paycheck trying to get the chick at the end of the bar loaded. Meanwhile, the chick's tipping you for giving her a beer and getting her drunk.

44:26🔗 Drew And she's telling you all her secrets.

44:27🔗 Adam Oh, oh. And she's the one you're looking at while she's getting loaded. God, I wish I was a bartender. John.

44:34🔗 Yeah.

44:35🔗 Adam You're 15.

44:36🔗 Caller Yeah.

44:36🔗 Adam What's up?

44:38🔗 Whenever I have sex with my girlfriend, I can't last for more than a minute before I come.

44:46🔗 Adam Yeah. So you mean if you made it to like a minute and 15 seconds, you'd be jumping up and down yelling yes?

44:51🔗 Well, like five minutes or something.

44:53🔗 Adam I see.

44:54🔗 I get all excited and stuff.

44:55🔗 Adam Okay. And you're 15 years old.

44:58🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce How old's your girlfriend?

45:00🔗 What?

45:01🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce How old's your girlfriend?

45:02🔗 She's 15 too.

45:03🔗 Adam Yeah. I'm going to go with 14 though, John, based on your hesitation. How old is she, seriously?

45:09🔗 She's 15.

45:10🔗 Adam Okay. And when you have sex, do you use a condom?

45:15🔗 Sometimes.

45:15🔗 Adam Oh, I see. That seems like it.

45:16🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce So you want a family.

45:18🔗 Adam Hey, John, when you're wearing a condom, does it still last?

45:24🔗 Yeah. It's usually like maybe a little bit longer.

45:27🔗 Adam With a condom?

45:28🔗 Yeah.

45:29🔗 Adam Listen, first off, goofball, you need to use a condom each and every time. Your penis is like, you know, it's like, you know, they have that like landmine World War II surplus that's buried out somewhere on some Japanese island. And you never know when that stuff's going to go off. You can't handle that. I mean, there's no no consistency to it at all. That penis could go off at any moment.

45:53🔗 Drew Yeah.

45:54🔗 Adam You're not one of these guys who can time anything.

45:57🔗 Drew Well, he's just saying that.

45:58🔗 Adam Yeah.

45:59🔗 Drew Timing's just got his own problem.

46:01🔗 Adam You gotta use the condom, John. You're gonna get her pregnant. Also use the condom because it's gonna last, it's gonna add a little to the time.

46:10🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce For this thing to work correctly, it has to be, the penis has to be attached to a mature body that's having a relationship that's mature. And really, when do you have, I'm just curious, when do you have sex with your girlfriend? What time of day, where?

46:25🔗 Adam What time of day?

46:26🔗 At her house.

46:27🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce After school?

46:28🔗 No, like during school. We spend nights together.

46:32🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce So the parents know you're having sex? Yeah.

46:35🔗 Adam And her parents let you sleep over?

46:37🔗 Sometimes.

46:38🔗 Adam See, Jew would never do that.

46:39🔗 Drew Never do that, you know what's so interesting?

46:40🔗 Adam You know what I love, let me say, let me just hop in for a second. You know what I love about my Jewish friends? These guys would be off at college. They'd be 22, 23 years old, 21 years old. They're off at college drinking, doing blow and nailing chicks. They get a girlfriend. I swear to God, one friend of mine, I'm not going to mention the guy's name, I don't want to get him in trouble, but this guy is working on Miami Vice. He's in Miami during the heyday of Miami Vice. Hey, guy's doing some drugs, he's drinking, he's banging around with all sorts of chicks. He gets himself a crazy Latino girlfriend. They're shacked up in Miami. The guy's 27 years old. He comes back to LA to stay at home. His mom is like, she's in that bedroom, you're in that bedroom. And I'm yelling at the guy, come on, when you're in Miami, it's Sodom and Gomorrah over there. I mean, you're doing lines of Coke off her belly. Give me a break. No, you're in that bedroom, you're in that, I'm like, the guy's 26 years old.

47:38🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce But where, that's what should be happening when this happens.

47:41🔗 Adam Where's the kids? Well, listen, not at 26, but at 15.

47:45🔗 Drew Adam, don't you find it a bit odd that today's youth find it so easy to become instantly, physically naked, and yet they've been in relationships in their 20s for years and they've never become emotionally naked. They've never told each other their deepest fears, they've never revealed their anxieties, they've never shared their hopes and dreams. And the problem with that is, when you become sexually active too quickly, there's nothing to look forward to anymore. I find these guys, by the time they're 18 and 19, they're jaded, women to them are only commodities, and even sex isn't exciting. Hey, if you're lasting one minute, be happy, man. By the time you're 19, you get 20 seconds out of this.

48:19🔗 Adam All right, hold on, hold on a second. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. We gotta go to break. You can't keep talking.

48:26🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Can I talk after?

48:27🔗 Adam No, when I'm telling you to shut up, shut up.

48:30🔗 Drew Adam's being the Jewish mother on the show tonight. He's gonna get his way one way or another.

48:34🔗 Adam I'll shut both your mics off and hit you with mine. We're gonna take a little break and then we'll get back and Bruce will have 10 seconds to get his worthless point out. After you.

48:44🔗 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

48:47🔗 Adam Well, it's worth hearing. It is Loveline. All right. We're going to take a quick 10 second timeout. We'll be back with more of the show in just 10 seconds.

49:25🔗 Caller This is Loveline on radio station.

49:41🔗 Adam It's Loveline, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Bruce. Fell in for Dr. Drew. He's board certified. He's an addiction medicine specialist. He specializes in emergency medicine. He can answer your question, albeit not as eloquently as Drew, but Drew's had a lot of experience. Let's be honest. Rabbi Shmuely Boteach.

50:02🔗 Drew Dr. Bruce, he's pretty damn sexy, though. He's got, you know, everyone's got their virtue.

50:06🔗 Adam I like Dr. Bruce. He has a very disheveled look to him.

50:11🔗 Drew That's right.

50:13🔗 Adam He has a very, he has a lot of that nutty professor going on there. Watch. Rabbi Shmuely is the author of Kosher Sex and Dating, Secrets of the Ten Commandments. And he's a very wise man who makes some very wise points. And we're glad to have him on tonight. And we're going to take some more calls. Danny? Danny? You're 17?

50:37🔗 Caller Yeah. I got to say, man, I'm a first time caller, a long time listener.

50:41🔗 Adam All right.

50:42🔗 Caller And my thing is that I've been going to a barber for a while. And the thing is that he's been coming on to me. And my question is, should I keep going to him?

50:50🔗 Adam Your barber's gay? Yeah. First off, he's not a barber. He's a stylist if he's gay.

50:55🔗 Caller No. He's a barber.

50:56🔗 Adam No, no, no. Listen to me. You cannot technically be a barber and gay. Once you start blowing guys, you become a stylist. You understand? Yeah. I don't care if there's a striped pole in front of your place and you only charge six bucks and there's pictures of Marines with haircuts on the wall and Playboys in the waiting area. You are a stylist. You can't blow guys and be a barber.

51:17🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce You want to get on with the question, agree with him, and let's...

51:19🔗 Adam All right.

51:20🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Okay.

51:20🔗 Adam So how do you... What's he doing? How's he coming on to you, Danny?

51:23🔗 Caller Like, at first, like, he didn't come on to me. Like, first, he'd be talking about chicks and stuff. And, like, later on, like, like, one time he asked me, like, if, like, if I wanted some head.

51:32🔗 Adam And I don't know that kind of, like, But to a barber, that could just be a, could mean, could mean a, you know, a little talc on the back of your neck or something.

51:40🔗 Drew Why did you go back to him after he asked you that question?

51:43🔗 Caller I mean, I think he seemed, like, pretty cool. Like, he stopped after a while.

51:46🔗 Drew But cool, but cool in what way? Is he a great barber? Do you, I mean, does your hair look great afterwards? So you overlook this sexual innuendo he uses while he cuts your golden locks?

51:56🔗 Caller No, it's not that. It's just that, like, like, I don't know. It's like, it's cool talking to him.

52:00🔗 Adam All right. Well, hold on. Danny, do you like him?

52:02🔗 Caller No, man, no.

52:03🔗 Adam You're not attracted to him in any way? All right. So he came on to you. Don't go back. All right?

52:09🔗 Drew Yeah, it seems pretty obvious.

52:11🔗 Adam Come on. Do some math here, Danny.

52:12🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce There's lots of good stylists and barbers.

52:15🔗 Adam And by the way, if somebody says, comes on to you, whether it's gay or heterosexual, heterosexual, they come on to you and you come back, they'll take that as a message.

52:28🔗 Drew Absolutely.

52:29🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Right. Is that like, my boyfriend hit me, should I get out of the relationship?

52:32🔗 Adam Right. Yeah. If your woman and your husband or boyfriend smacks you around and you go to your sister's for a night and then you come back the next day, he'll take that as a message that he can smack you around.

52:42🔗 Drew But there's so little confidence in society today that people are afraid to give strong signals of what we disapprove of. I mean, you can say to someone, I really didn't appreciate that comment and they won't bring it up anymore. But we think we have no right to say that. We can't make any judgments about people's comments, but this guy did something inappropriate. It's a professional relationship. You're paying them to cut your hair. Cut the damn hair and move on.

53:01🔗 Adam Right. And if he's not offering any kind of oral sex discount with that haircut, certainly move on.

53:06🔗 Drew That was my next question.

53:07🔗 Adam Well, let's go to one. You want to go to one? All right.

53:10🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Counterpoint.

53:10🔗 Adam Matt? Yeah. You're 14.

53:13🔗 Drew Yeah.

53:13🔗 Adam What's up?

53:15🔗 Adam, you should run for president.

53:16🔗 Adam Thank you. I'm thinking about it.

53:18🔗 Drew He's 35. You're of age now.

53:20🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce You can't run.

53:21🔗 Adam Is it 35?

53:22🔗 Drew I'm 35.

53:23🔗 Adam All right. I can do it.

53:25🔗 Drew And I'll meet you in the Lincoln bedroom.

53:28🔗 No county central here, so no man show, but it's great. Yeah. I'm going to try out for golf for school, and I need to take a physical. I was wondering what goes on there in those.

53:39🔗 Adam Really? You have to take a physical for golf?

53:42🔗 Yeah.

53:42🔗 Adam What kind of generation of whooshies are we raising?

53:45🔗 Drew You have to have a pot belly for golf. They don't even let you play.

53:47🔗 Adam Yeah. I mean, there's guys in black socks and white shoes in their mid-70s who are playing golf.

53:53🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Well, for any of the fours, you need a physical. I'm not sure it's a sport.

53:55🔗 Adam So you think they're going to do the hernia check? Yeah. All right. I've had plenty of those because I always played football.

54:03🔗 Drew That weight lifting, all that weight lifting you do, Adam.

54:05🔗 Adam No, I've never had... Actually, I do have hernia, actually, but that's a different... Me too. Oh, do you?

54:11🔗 Drew Good.

54:11🔗 Adam We can rub them together during the break.

54:13🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce We can get it repaired.

54:14🔗 Adam It's a lucky... And we'll get a little group rate. Here's the thing. They will... I played football for 10 years and they always get this check. They drop your pants, they put their, I don't know, index finger or something, they wedge it up, sort of around your scrotum and your penis there, and then they tell you, turn your head and cough. Now, I figured out later the turn your head part is so you wouldn't cough on the guy's head.

54:38🔗 Drew Right.

54:39🔗 Adam I always thought it meant, why do I have to turn my head? And so, because otherwise you just look down and cough right on the guy's toupee or whatever the doctor was wearing. So, the point is, you cough, he puts his finger up there, he's as unhappy about it as you are, Matt, but it takes all of five seconds.

54:54🔗 Drew The way you described this, Adam, it seems like you enjoyed this. I mean, the detail with the...

54:59🔗 Adam I was uncomfortable with it. The worst day I had is when I, you know, doctors love this. They love to tell you to get in your underpants and then they go out and play the back nine at Riviera and then they come back about four days later and you're like, doctors, here's what doctors do. They like to see how long they can get you to stand in your underpants. Get down, so they do this. They do a little, you know, the nurse comes in, does a little something, then the doctor does a little something, and the nurse says, get down to your underpants, the doctor will be in in just a moment. And you go, all right, and you get down to your underpants and you wait around for about an hour and 45 minutes in your underpants like an idiot. Well when I get my underpants, especially when I was in high school, my penis thinks it's time to go, you understand? Not sexually, but from a masturbatory standpoint, it's like rattling the chain while your dog is sleeping, you know, getting the leash and waving it around or opening the can over. Dog thinks it's time to rock and roll. My penis, when I get down to my underpants, my penis thinks it's time to masturbate. So I'm standing there in my underpants and I'm starting to get an erection. And I'm 16, 17 years old, you know, you can get an erection anytime.

56:01🔗 Drew The doctor walks in and asks if you're happy to see him.

56:04🔗 Adam Now I have an erection in my underpants standing and I'm waiting, I'm just staring at the door with this erection, waiting for him to burst through it at any moment now. And I know all the other aspects of the physical are done, he's going to walk right in, he's going to get down on one knee, he's going to tell me to drop those underpants, and I'm not going to be able to get him over the erection. So I start thinking, okay, this is bad, so what can I do to get rid of this erection? And once your mind will start playing tricks on you, I start thinking about Vietnam, and I start thinking about my grandmother.

56:34🔗 Drew Your mother.

56:35🔗 Adam Then I start thinking about my grandmother in Vietnam, like leading a platoon, shooting gooks in Vietnam with my grandmother. But that's not working because of some sort of bizarre sexual, some macabre sexual charge I'm getting from that.

56:47🔗 Drew You put on the country music, right?

56:48🔗 Adam And what I did at that point is I did, and this is what makes me a genius. This is what makes me, not book smart, but street smart. I thought to myself, have you ever had an erection when you were exercising? And the answer was no. I dropped my ass down, I started doing push-ups right on that floor. I paddle off about 35 push-ups when I stood back up again, the penis was gone. All the blood that was in the penis went right to my shoulder.

57:13🔗 Drew Well, you should have just thought. They say that the male brain and the penis can't work at the same time. You know, the blood supply isn't sufficient.

57:20🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce In his case, there's not much of a problem with that.

57:22🔗 Drew Exactly.

57:22🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce But you know what I want to point out? Here's boundaries. He's concerned about having his testicles touched. When a doctor does that exam, he has a glove on, and there's somebody witnessing this. As opposed to the guy having his hair cut, who's not exactly as concerned as he should be.

57:37🔗 Adam And who witnesses the scrotal?

57:39🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce You have a nurse. You have a nurse.

57:40🔗 Adam Oh, she ain't in there.

57:41🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce You're having it. Yes, you have a nurse.

57:43🔗 Adam No, she's not. I never had a nurse in there.

57:46🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce I wouldn't want to have a nurse in there. We used to do these when we were residents for extra money. You have like 100 kids at a time, and there's a small area you're doing it in, and you have somebody doing a blood pressure. Somebody's with them. But the point is, it's a normal concern at 14 to have somebody touching your...

58:03🔗 Drew Wait a second. We just had a 15 year old call up and say that he can't last long enough in sex. Isn't there something screwy when the whole concept of shame pertains to not wanting to show your genitals to a qualified medical practitioner, but you have no problem showing it to your 15 year old girlfriend? Shame is meant to be the guardian of human virtue. The fact is that all of us have a good side, and it can be corrupted, and the idea of shame is that it sort of protects it. I mean, why is this the color? I understand you're a bit ashamed of showing your genitals to your doctor, but why not to someone who's 14 or 15?

58:37🔗 Adam Well, he may in fact have that. I mean, it's not the same guy. Hey, I got a plan for the Jews, by the way. I just popped in my head, but it's something I thought about for a while. You know, they're always going at it over there with the Palestinians, and it's non-stop. It's a big mess, and everyone needs their holy land. Meanwhile, the whole place is just a big dump. Get some of that topsoil, because I know it's holy ground, but the point is how deep does that ground go before it just becomes everyone's ground? Move the Jews out to Baja. Got a big old stretch of desert there. Let them set up camp in Baja. Let the Palestinians take over that old area. There's no more fighting. You put the Jews in Baja, they get the Mexican economy right back on its feet. Everyone's happy.

59:23🔗 Drew Kosher tacos, Kosher tamales.

59:25🔗 Adam Nobody bothers the Jews.

59:26🔗 Drew But that beautiful Baja, that beautiful Baja surf and everything, it would interfere with our suffering, Adam.

59:31🔗 Adam I know. It's too nice. It doesn't rain enough over there. There's not enough automatic gunfire going. I'm telling you, move the Jews to Baja, get the Mexican economy back on its feet. The Jews got their own land.

59:43🔗 Drew Jalapeno chicken soup. Jews in Baja.

59:47🔗 Adam Camel races and show latkes. David?

59:51🔗 Yeah.

59:51🔗 Adam Yeah, you're 17. What's up?

59:53🔗 Caller Adam, big fan.

59:54🔗 Adam Thank you. You're with me on move the Jews to Baja, right?

59:57🔗 Caller Yeah. I'm an Orthodox Jew.

59:58🔗 Caller I wouldn't mind Baja.

1:00:00🔗 Adam It's beautiful and it's good surf over there.

1:00:02🔗 Drew Are there a lot of Orthodox Jews who listen to this show?

1:00:04🔗 Caller You'd be surprised, Rabbi.

1:00:05🔗 Drew I know. Do they have the same problems as the non-Jewish youth or the less religious youth?

1:00:12🔗 Adam Their parents would kill them.

1:00:13🔗 Caller No.

1:00:14🔗 Adam What's up? What's up, David?

1:00:15🔗 Caller Questions for the Rabbi.

1:00:16🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:00:17🔗 Caller How do you feel about Jewish Orthodox teenagers, I'm an Orthodox teenager, having premarital sex? And don't you believe that your entire conversation tonight is a Chil Vashem?

1:00:29🔗 Drew Well, let me explain something. There is a natural progression in every relationship. And the progression should be that physical attraction, which is what initially brings the two genders together, should lead to conversation, verbal communication, which is the second step of a relationship. That's meant to lead to the third step, which is emotional intimacy. And that's supposed to culminate in physical intimacy. Physical intimacy, biblically, is a very beautiful concept. It's about emotion, which brings forth even stronger emotions. When you get the whole thing out of whack, you asked me about premarital sex, when physical attraction leads to physical intimacy, without emotional intimacy and without any kind of verbal communication, you basically, you commoditize a person, you make them into an object which you use for your own sensual satisfaction, your own pleasure, and that means that you never get to know the person. Very beautifully, the Bible has no word for sex, the word is knowledge. You actually come to know someone because in sex, you actually remove all your defenses, all the inhibition goes away, and the true, your innermost self breathes forth, and that really happens today. What I see is that people, they have sex and they don't know each other, and they're very confused about relationships, they come to guys like me. You ask, but then he asks, this is an interesting question, and he asked, he used the Hebrew word, is the conversation tonight a chilal Hashem, which means is a desecration of God's name, that I'm participating in this. Let me explain something.

1:01:42🔗 Adam Not if he can sell some products.

1:01:43🔗 Drew Exactly, make an honest buck. Let me explain something.

1:01:46🔗 Adam If God's Jewish, he'll understand.

1:01:49🔗 Drew We have a choice, right? Choice is we can just leave the world the way it is, and people can continue, the divorce rate can inspire at 63 percent now, can go up to 80 percent. We can leave 15-year-old kids having sex without any idea of what love really is. We can worry only about giving them condoms to ensure they don't die physically, and never worry about their emotional death. Never worry that their hearts are like pieces of china dropped on the ground 20 times. You glue them back together, but all the cracks are showing, and people go into, and not participate in conversations like these. But you know, on the contrary, for goodness sake, I mean, whoever said that religion should only talk about prayer and charity and going to church? Religion has a valuable contribution to make to love, specifically. You know, there are 24 books of the Bible, and by far, the holiest, according to the ancient rabbis, is a book called Song of Songs, written by King Solomon. It's one erotic love poem. It speaks about the love between a man and a woman, which is a metaphor between the love of God and man. Love is a beautiful concept, and I fear that people don't even really talk about it enough. I love watching Love Lines, by the way, on MTV. I watch you guys all the time. You're funny, you're witty, and you give great information. But how often do people call up and talk about love? I want to get people to believe in love, and sex is great, but it's great specifically when there is an emotional component, because that's what adds the passion. When it's a physiological component, it just goes.

1:02:59🔗 Adam I want to say, and for that, I was a fan of Seinfeld. I'm thinking of a Jewish show. I could pay my respects to the rabbi with. But listen, rabbi, and here's what I love about the Jews. They don't have to breathe while they're talking. Jew can go on for 45 minutes without breathing. It just takes one big breath at home, drives over to the-

1:03:18🔗 Drew We have gills at them.

1:03:20🔗 Adam Yeah, there's some of their orifice. They're sucking them. They breathe through their belly button when they're talking.

1:03:23🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce That was great.

1:03:24🔗 Adam A rabbi just went on for 10 minutes, then took a breath.

1:03:26🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce I wanted to stay out here for 10 years. Couldn't get it out.

1:03:29🔗 Adam But here's the question, and because we've got to go to another call. Can you, is an orthodox you, and he's 17 years old, is it okay for him to have sex before marriage? Yes or no?

1:03:40🔗 Drew The answer is no. Not for religious reasons even. I mean, we're talking about, do you want-

1:03:45🔗 Adam But what if all those things you spoke about were in place except for the bond of marriage?

1:03:51🔗 Drew Okay. Let me ask you one question, Adam. You're a radio and TV host. Can you bring passion to your work without commitment? Have you ever seen anyone be passionate about something they're not committed to? If you're not committed to being in the army, you're going to be a terrible soldier. If you're not committed to being a mechanic, you're not going to be able to fix a car. But if you're not committed to relationship, you're not going to be able to make love. That's the way I see it.

1:04:09🔗 Adam I've done this job without a contract for a year. I've had passion, I've had commitment, I've done my job, but I had not been a piece of paper that I signed that forced me to do it. I came here because I had passion and I wanted to do it.

1:04:23🔗 Drew But you're committed to it.

1:04:25🔗 Adam Thank you.

1:04:25🔗 Drew But paper is not what brings commitment.

1:04:27🔗 Adam That was two years ago. Now, if I didn't have a contract, I'd leave right now. I'd throw the mic right through the goddamn window and I'd get my car and stuff.

1:04:33🔗 Drew You got it before me, you got it before Bruce. That means you're more committed. But look, you don't-

1:04:36🔗 Adam It means I was five minutes early. You two idiots got lost.

1:04:39🔗 Drew The commitment of marriage is not a piece of paper. The commitment of marriage is where a guy says to a girl-

1:04:44🔗 Adam I'm making my point, which is you can have all the things that you said were important in a relationship without the marriage. If you do have that, then is it okay to have sex at that point?

1:04:56🔗 Drew What you're really saying is I don't need the symbol of marriage as long as my heart is committed. My response is symbols are incredibly important.

1:05:02🔗 Adam I'm saying, hold on, I'm saying the guy is 17 years old.

1:05:05🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:05:05🔗 Adam He meets the woman of his dreams. Maybe he already has met her and maybe all these things are moving along, but maybe they want to go to college and whatever. Maybe he doesn't want to get married till he's 25 years.

1:05:14🔗 Drew Because of his career.

1:05:15🔗 Adam 25 years old. Maybe he thinks 19 is too young for marriage. He wants to get married at 25.

1:05:19🔗 Drew I think 19 is too young for marriage.

1:05:21🔗 Adam He's a sensible guy. On the other hand, he's realistic. We're living in the, what the hell is it, 2000 already. We're in the millennium. And this guy knows he wants to have sex before he's 25 years old. Yet, because of school commitments, work, whatever, he doesn't want to do that. But yet the love and the bond is there. What's wrong with him having sex at 19 or 20?

1:05:41🔗 Drew Well, one simple, a lot of things, but one simple thing. You know, when you only have sex with the person that you end up marrying, you're able to close your eyes and you're not haunted by the ghosts of demons past. In other words, studies show 84% of husbands actually think about other women when they make love to their wives. Here you are making love to your wife and in reality you're doing a guest appearance on Baywatch, you're Luke Skywalker on Planet of the Nympho Babes.

1:06:01🔗 Adam Wow, listen.

1:06:02🔗 Drew And when you're out to, now the point is this, you know, when you have a lot of sexual partners, and by the way, all statistics show that the more sexual partners you have before marriage, the greater the likelihood of divorce exponentially. That's been substantiated in every sexual survey. But the reasoning is simple. You go from subjective attraction to objective attraction. It goes from not, is my wife beautiful? Am I drawn to her? It's rather, how does she compare to the women who have preceded her? That kind of objectivity. Did you ever find a parent who cheated against their kid? Do we have Mr. Jones going to Mikey next door in the middle of the night saying, Mikey, you're the one I really love. Here's my kid's baseball mitt. Don't tell anybody.

1:06:35🔗 Adam My dad may have done that, but no other parents I'm aware of.

1:06:38🔗 Drew We don't cheat on our kids because we don't compare our kids. We cheat on our spouse because we compare them constantly.

1:06:42🔗 Adam This is all a very good point.

1:06:44🔗 Drew And I'm just afraid that when you sleep with a lot of people beforehand, that's why there's so much...

1:06:49🔗 Adam All right, Rabbi, let me just cut to the chase.

1:06:51🔗 Drew But I'm still a realist. I'm still a realist.

1:06:52🔗 Adam All right. And you dropped the...

1:06:54🔗 Drew This is Shmuel in the 21st century.

1:06:56🔗 Adam Shmuel, you dropped that wife and the six kids for a nice shicks of blonde in a hot second. The thing about the Jews is the blondes.

1:07:03🔗 Drew What's her father worth?

1:07:04🔗 Adam The good-looking blonde, it's their Achilles heel. Oh, they love that. Their mom would go insane if they bring them home, but they love a nice shicks of blonde. Yeah, you already said it.

1:07:13🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce What's her father worth?

1:07:13🔗 Adam All right.

1:07:14🔗 Drew Listen. Let's go for real passion.

1:07:15🔗 Adam We have to take some calls here. Sam, I finally found someone who can talk more than I can. Sam is 16 years old.

1:07:22🔗 Drew I need a 30-minute break now just to breathe, so I'm going to hyperventilate outside the studio.

1:07:26🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce I brought the oxygen tanks.

1:07:27🔗 Adam Sam, what's up?

1:07:28🔗 Caller Hey, Adam. How's it going?

1:07:29🔗 Adam Good.

1:07:30🔗 Caller I love the man show. It's great. I love it.

1:07:32🔗 Adam Thank you.

1:07:32🔗 Caller Okay. My problem is I had sex for the first time about a month ago, and my mom found out actually we were at my aunt's wedding, and my cousins and I were kind of drinking and whatever, and I started talking to my uncle about it, and I believe he told her. And now all the time she won't stop harassing me. I mean, we used to be really close, but lately we haven't been that close, but.

1:07:59🔗 Adam You and your mom.

1:08:00🔗 Caller Right.

1:08:00🔗 Adam Are you still dating the girl you had sex with?

1:08:03🔗 Caller No.

1:08:03🔗 Adam So she's not in your life.

1:08:05🔗 Caller Right.

1:08:06🔗 Adam So your mother knows that there's no potential of you at least having sex with this girl, because the one you had sex with is not in your life anymore.

1:08:13🔗 Caller Right. I don't know. I mean.

1:08:15🔗 Adam Well, how is she harassing you?

1:08:17🔗 Caller She, I think she's really upset about it. I mean, I'm glad that she cares, but every morning when I'm exhausted from listening to your show at night, and I can't get up for school, all she will stop talking about is, oh, let me ask you this. Do you love her? Do you care about her?

1:08:37🔗 Adam Wow. Is your dad around?

1:08:39🔗 Caller No. He died when I was seven.

1:08:41🔗 Adam Interesting. She never remarried, huh?

1:08:44🔗 Caller No. She hasn't, like, it's kind of weird. She hasn't even dated.

1:08:48🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, she's got a lot of energy, and you're getting the brunt of it.

1:08:51🔗 Caller Right.

1:08:51🔗 Adam But listen, Sam, this is nothing for us. We normally have parents who don't care. You have someone who does care. Right. It's a pain in your ass.

1:09:00🔗 Drew She's asking some legitimate questions as well.

1:09:01🔗 Adam She cares, yeah.

1:09:02🔗 Drew She may overdo it, but...

1:09:03🔗 Adam Hey, Sam, just look her in the eye and say, listen, Mom, I'm sorry I disappointed you. I'm sorry I did this. I have no plans of doing it again. I'm glad it's out in the open. I'm gonna kick my Uncle Lou in the nuts, by the way, but I'm glad it's out in the open. But please, it's grating on me. I mean, I'll tell you anything you want to know, and let's talk about it, but then let's finish the conversation. Let's move on with our lives.

1:09:28🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce She's probably not gonna leave you alone until you take responsibility and prove to her that you're somebody she can trust, and that's...

1:09:34🔗 Adam All right. Just tell her you made a mistake, you're sorry you disappointed her, you thank her for her interest. Most people don't have that these days.

1:09:41🔗 Drew And if she's a Jewish mother, promise her grandchildren she'll leave you alone.

1:09:44🔗 Adam That's right. Emily.

1:09:47🔗 Caller Hi.

1:09:48🔗 Adam Hey, you're 18.

1:09:48🔗 Caller What's up? Well, last night my boyfriend fingered me, and today I'm bleeding.

1:09:54🔗 Adam Uh-huh.

1:09:54🔗 Is basically it.

1:09:56🔗 Adam Was he wearing a college ring? No.

1:10:00🔗 Caller No, he was not.

1:10:02🔗 Adam Okay.

1:10:02🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Do you have pelvics on a regular basis?

1:10:05🔗 Caller I just had my first pelvic. I went to Planned Parenthood because I've been with him a couple months, and I was thinking about having sex with him, so I went, and that was really painful for me.

1:10:14🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Okay. Well, basically, this isn't skin in there. You have mucous membranes. This is sensitive tissue. Boyfriend has fingernails and who knows what else. So there may be no abnormality in your tissues. If you have a sexually transmitted disease, if you have inflammation, or you have early changes in your cervical mucosa, like pre-cancerous changes, the things you get a pap smear for, all those things will bleed more easily. Normal tissue, if you have too rigorous fingering, whatever, sharp fingernails, then you will have bleeding with no abnormality there. But you should, if you've had bleeding after that trauma, it is a trauma, you should go in and have a pelvic exam, have a speed check.

1:10:55🔗 Adam All right, we are going to take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Don, who's paralyzed from the waist down. He wants to know how to explain the size and dysfunction of his penis to the ladies. We'll speak to Don about that after this. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Bruce. Dr. Bruce, filming for Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Our guest tonight, Rabbi Shmuley Botach. And he's the author of Kosher Sex and Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments. And he's a very, very wise man. And he's chiming in tonight and coming at it from a bit of an orthodox angle.

1:12:16🔗 Drew Good old Stone Age. Primitive.

1:12:20🔗 Adam Well, listen, all of that stuff, all that Ten Commandments and all that stuff, it's really, it falls under no duh to me. It's like thou shall not kill. Makes perfect sense. But, and I completely agree.

1:12:33🔗 Drew Wait, wait, wait, wait, there's different kinds of killing. What if you kill people? What if you crush someone's spirit? In a relationship, what if you kill someone's individuality? You know how many people go into relationships and try to mold the person according to their wishes? Husbands who force their wives to become just like them. That's a form of murder. Or when you use words to undermine people's self-confidence. You can't be a literalist about this stuff. Or like, do not steal. It doesn't mean don't steal my watch or my car. It means don't steal my heart. Don't tell me you love me just to go to bed with me.

1:12:58🔗 Adam I'm with you. I'm with you on all this stuff. I really am. I'm an atheist, but I wish everyone would just go by the Ten Commandments. We'd be living in some form of utopia here.

1:13:08🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Nah.

1:13:08🔗 Adam We really would. Yes, we would.

1:13:09🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Utopia's unrealistic. This is not unrealistic stuff.

1:13:12🔗 Adam All right.

1:13:13🔗 Drew Looks like you're getting really philosophical over here.

1:13:15🔗 Adam Don is 29. Don, you're paralyzed?

1:13:19🔗 Caller Yeah, yes, I am.

1:13:19🔗 Adam How did you become paralyzed?

1:13:22🔗 Caller I was born with spina bifida.

1:13:25🔗 Adam And so you're paralyzed from the waist down?

1:13:28🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:13:29🔗 Adam And how does that affect you sexually?

1:13:35🔗 Caller I can't have an erection or anything unless I take medication for it.

1:13:40🔗 Adam What kind of medication do you take?

1:13:43🔗 Caller Well, the doctors, they prescribed Viagra. But before that, I was taking insulin shots to help with the erections.

1:13:55🔗 Adam Where do you take the shot?

1:13:57🔗 Caller On the side of it.

1:13:58🔗 Adam Side of the penis?

1:13:59🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:14:00🔗 Adam And does the penis have any sensation?

1:14:04🔗 Caller No.

1:14:04🔗 Caller No whatsoever.

1:14:05🔗 Adam And that could be good news on certain occasions, like if it got caught in the fly or when you're getting the shot. But the Viagra works, huh?

1:14:15🔗 Caller I've never tried the Viagra yet.

1:14:16🔗 Adam I thought you said they prescribed it to you.

1:14:19🔗 Caller They prescribed the Viagra, but I haven't tried it yet because the other stuff that I was using, the insulin, I was using it about two years ago. And I just got out of a relationship about two years ago and I had a feeling it's because of my disability because she wasn't comfortable with it. And now I have this thing where...

1:14:41🔗 Adam Hold on, she met you when you were in the wheelchair, right? Well, how long were you together?

1:14:48🔗 Caller Oh, about two years.

1:14:50🔗 Adam All right, she met you in a wheelchair, she stayed with you for two years. I mean, a lot of relationships end anyway. It has nothing to do with the disability. I mean, I know you're going to chalk this up to the disability, but I don't think it gets you anywhere to think that way. And what about the rest of us who've been in and out of relationships, who aren't in a wheelchair? What do we attribute it to? You know what I'm saying?

1:15:11🔗 Drew And, Don, you know, there's two kinds of disabilities. There's physical disabilities, there's emotional disabilities. I think women actually prefer the guys who may not be physically perfect, but who are emotionally healthy. You sound like an emotionally healthy guy. You're brave enough to call and speak about your disability on the air. And, I wouldn't, don't allow yourself confidence to be snuffed out by your physical disability. What women really love is a guy who makes them feel cherished, loved, admired, who makes them into the sun and you become the planet that revolves around them. And if you can bestow that upon a woman, you're going to be a romantic who they're going to love. All the guys who I meet, the big jocks and everything, top students at universities who are so full of themselves and arrogant, who go on a date and all their conversation is basically, you know, me, me, me, me, me, me, and she says, I, and they slip into a deep coma. They're the ones who have this emotional disability. So everybody's got their challenges and you have yours, but yours is not in any way fatal in a relationship.

1:16:00🔗 Adam Listen, I agree with the rabbi. Everyone who's good-looking is an emotional cripple.

1:16:05🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:16:05🔗 Adam I'm totally with it.

1:16:06🔗 Drew It's true. These genetic celebrities.

1:16:08🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Did you talk about it with the gal you're in a relationship with? Were you unable to really discuss it openly with her? Was it too embarrassing?

1:16:16🔗 Caller Well, with the first relationship I was in, I was kind of drunk. And so it was easy for me to tell her. But now it's like, you know, I...

1:16:28🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Are you recovering alcoholic?

1:16:29🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:16:30🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Okay. So you go to meetings and...

1:16:31🔗 Caller Oh, well, I was.

1:16:33🔗 Adam Hey.

1:16:34🔗 Caller I'm going to be going back and meetings here.

1:16:37🔗 Adam Hey, Don. So your real question is, is how to explain your penis to a new partner?

1:16:44🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:16:45🔗 Adam Yeah. Okay. But here's what I'm saying. Thank God. I'll tell you, much better to be a man in a wheelchair than a woman in a wheelchair, because women, as the rabbi astutely brought up, are much more forgiving this way. They're more into the mental aspect of the relationship. And if you can provide that, you can do it from a sitting down position, they'll still be happy. Furthermore, if you have a woman who's open-minded enough to go out with a guy who's in a wheelchair, I'm sure she expects or suspects that there's something going on down there.

1:17:16🔗 Drew Down under, right.

1:17:17🔗 Adam And is probably okay with that, or you wouldn't have gotten the first date with her.

1:17:21🔗 Drew She might even, you know, paradoxically, she might even be more attracted to you, because women want to feel like anyone, they want to feel necessary. And sometimes your disability makes her feel like she has a real place, she has a phenomenal contribution to make. I mean, a lot of these guys come across as perfect and I don't need you. Where do I fit in, is her question.

1:17:38🔗 Adam Right. That's why you should never get a motorized wheelchair, because the chick's out of a job. I agree with the rabbi. All right. Let's keep moving here. Michael?

1:17:47🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:17:47🔗 Adam You're 17?

1:17:48🔗 Caller Yeah. Well, basically, my question is for the rabbi. My parents divorced when I was three, and my mom and her whole side is very conservative Jew and everything. And I like to think that I am too. I mean, I go to an all-Jewish private school and everything.

1:18:07🔗 Adam Horrible football team, but we don't have a football team. Great speech and debate department.

1:18:11🔗 Drew We only ever had flag football teams in the Jewish schools. You know?

1:18:15🔗 Caller So anyway, I was just talking to my dad the other day, and we don't see each other that often, but I was talking to him about marriage and relationships and stuff. And I mentioned something about how I definitely wanted to be with somebody Jewish. And he got kind of upset at me at that, and almost like tried to change my mind in a way, and said that, you know, love has no religion and that kind of thing. So I just wanted to know what you thought about that.

1:18:44🔗 Adam How about that, Ranbhai?

1:18:45🔗 Drew Well, look, I mean, to say that love is not based on some practical considerations, unfortunately, is just not so. I believe in love very much, but I also believe that there has to be, and I believe that attraction, by the way, is more important than compatibility. By that, I mean holistic attraction, not just physical attraction. Having said that, I think that you have to be able to connect on the deepest possible level and the fact is that people's identity, people's ethnicity, people's religious identity is very important to them. What I see is with a lot of intermarried couples who fall in love, they have these great relationships and suddenly when they have kids, and both of them return to their roots slightly, a lot of conflict arises because you wonder how to raise the children. I even remember one guy in Oxford called me up and he said to me, he had a big fight with his wife because he's Jewish and she's not, and on the radio that morning they announced that 16 Israeli soldiers had been blown to smithereens on a bus and she turned to him and said, do you want butter on your toast? And he said, how could you be so insensitive? And she said, well, when you hear that Bangladeshis die in a monsoon, do you care? And I said to him, she's right to an extent. You're saying these are my people, I care. And she's saying, well, don't fault me for not feeling that same bit of empathy. So there are a lot of complications. And I think first and foremost, Jews should seek to marry other Jewish people and especially in a generation where this century, we've lost 6 million Jews through a terrible Holocaust and we have to seek to strengthen our people. Having said that, people can choose to become Jewish, obviously. They can convert. We're not an exclusive religion. And if they love the religion, love the way of life, they can become very Jewish. And they're as Jewish as Moses were.

1:20:14🔗 Adam Well, the whole conversion thing, I've known a few couples where one or the other is converted. And it always me smacks of someone who really doesn't really want to do it when it comes to the marriage, but they figure, let's not piss off the grandparents.

1:20:27🔗 Drew Yeah, it is often that, you know, and the will. You're going to be cut out of the will.

1:20:31🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Is there a more militant feeling about Jewish women marrying non-Jews? Or is that not true? I ran into it.

1:20:38🔗 Drew No, I think actually he's more militant with Jewish guys because, I mean, you know, Adam made this point about Jewish men being attracted to the blond haired Scandinavian types. And it does exist. Okay.

1:20:49🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce It's my father did.

1:20:51🔗 Drew It's your father did.

1:20:51🔗 Adam Hey, but Rabbi, isn't it, is it the faith of the woman in the Jewish marriage that counts?

1:20:58🔗 Drew It's transmitted to the kids. That's right. Yeah. Judaism is a matriarchal religion. So your mother's religion is going to determine the kid's religion. So that's why it's not as militant.

1:21:06🔗 Adam I'll tell you, I don't know what worse came up with that plan way back when, but that seemed like a big mistake. Let's let the chicks be in charge of the religion. That was a huge, they really dropped the ball.

1:21:18🔗 Drew Come on, the men get to hold the remote and determine what channel you're going to watch. Women get the religion, we get the importance stuff.

1:21:24🔗 Adam Back then, the remote was made of wood. It didn't even work.

1:21:27🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce You can't track the men though.

1:21:28🔗 Adam Oh my God. Talk about being whipped. Talk about a religion where you're whipped. You let the chicks be in charge. So you can convert.

1:21:37🔗 Drew The guys wanted the women to look after the kids.

1:21:39🔗 Adam Listen, you get yourself a nice blonde, you get her to convert. Eric? Yes.

1:21:44🔗 Drew Convert properly.

1:21:45🔗 Adam You're 20. Yeah, that's right. Should take at least three days. I love it. They're up there reading from the Torah. They don't even know what they're talking about. I think I know myself.

1:21:56🔗 Drew Well, a lot of them do take it seriously, but yeah, it lends itself to abuse.

1:22:00🔗 Adam How fast is it? First off, as a rabbi, are you able to convert me?

1:22:05🔗 Drew No, because you have to go to a Jewish court and it's a group of rabbis that have to do it. But Adam, for you, for special dispensation, you've got a sense of humor that makes you have Jewish already.

1:22:14🔗 Adam That's right. Look at the nappy hair. Look at the nappy.

1:22:18🔗 Drew Definitely a Jew and that hypochondriac streak. That's definitely Jewish. The whining, the complaining, you're dying, the bump.

1:22:25🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Jews and Italians, they share that sort of, let's suffer together.

1:22:29🔗 Adam All right. So you think I could, here's what I'd like to do. If you could do this, it'd be great. You know how-

1:22:35🔗 Drew Are you circumcised?

1:22:36🔗 Adam Yes.

1:22:37🔗 Drew Well, we can do it right now.

1:22:39🔗 Adam You know how every six months, you know, some college gives Bill Cosby an honorary degree, not because he went to the college or anything, but because he's Bill Cosby. This is what I'd like. I'd like to be an honorary Jew, not because I graduated from the Jewish school or I met with the rabbis or the tribunal of rabbis or anything. I'm a big time radio host, you know, you get me over on your Jewish side, and I can flash a Jewish card if I ever get into trouble.

1:23:06🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Don't buy it. He wants chicks. It's something to get chicks. The rabbi doesn't buy it.

1:23:11🔗 Drew No, I'm game.

1:23:12🔗 Adam I'm game. Yeah, okay.

1:23:15🔗 Drew You got to buy 100 copies of Kosher Sex.

1:23:17🔗 Caller Quick turnaround version.

1:23:18🔗 Drew But if you become Jewish, you have to practice Kosher Sex. 12-day period of sexual abstention in every relationship.

1:23:24🔗 Adam I'm not down with the-

1:23:25🔗 Drew No masturbation.

1:23:26🔗 Adam That's where I get off the Jewish boat right there.

1:23:29🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce He's probably done it while we're sitting here. He's under cover.

1:23:32🔗 Adam Samantha. Oh, wait a minute. Where the hell was I there?

1:23:36🔗 Drew I was wondering what that nervous twitch was exactly.

1:23:39🔗 Adam Samantha, you're 15. What's up?

1:23:43🔗 Caller I have this problem. When I have sex with my boyfriend, I'm not able to reach an orgasm at all. The only time I feel like I want to reach any kind of climax is when sex is really aggressive and hard.

1:23:56🔗 Adam He's being rough with you. Yeah. Was anyone ever rough with you before?

1:24:01🔗 Caller No.

1:24:01🔗 Adam No. Where's your dad?

1:24:03🔗 Caller They're divorced.

1:24:04🔗 Adam They're divorced. Do you see him?

1:24:05🔗 Caller Yeah, I see him all the time.

1:24:06🔗 Adam Is he a good guy? So, nobody drank?

1:24:12🔗 Caller My dad drinks, but he doesn't drink around us.

1:24:14🔗 Adam Right, but he still could be an alcoholic, right?

1:24:17🔗 Caller Where's my bourbon?

1:24:19🔗 Adam And, yeah?

1:24:20🔗 Caller A little bit, yeah.

1:24:21🔗 Adam All right.

1:24:22🔗 Drew Samantha, do you love your boyfriend? Yeah, I do. Okay. Well, you know, one of the main reasons women can orgasm is that they're frigid, that they feel uncomfortable, they're anxious. Is that the case with you? And if you love him, then why is that? Do you feel like maybe you're doing something that, you know, you don't feel comfortable with? In other words, this sex, is it his idea or your idea or both?

1:24:41🔗 Caller Um, mine.

1:24:42🔗 Adam It's your idea, the sex.

1:24:44🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:24:44🔗 Drew Are you using it as a way of growing closer to your boyfriend or is it the physical pleasure side of it? Do you think that you'll actually cement the relationship by having sex with him? Is it like the royal road to intimacy?

1:24:53🔗 Caller No. Like, at first, like when I first met him, it was just like, like, because he was, when I first met him, like he was like the most popular guy at school and he was like, it was like, it was just like, like, oh my gosh, you were with him and everything.

1:25:08🔗 Drew So it was an uneven relationship. He was the most popular and you weren't. Did you have to compensate by giving yourself to him in order to win him over?

1:25:14🔗 Caller Oh no. I was, I was popular too, but it was just that he was just like, he was like, you know, the cutest guy at school. And at first, like, he just started talking to me. I didn't even like him at all. But then I just felt like...

1:25:24🔗 Adam Hold on, hold on a second. First off, let me just tell the rabbi, do not try to float theories with our callers. They will deny every single one of them. So, but you don't know that you're trying to use logic. Samantha, Samantha, listen to me. Here's what's going on. You're 15. Things aren't biologically or emotionally set up for you to have orgasms just yet. We talked to women all night long that don't have one at 19 and magically have one when they're 27 or 28.

1:25:52🔗 Caller When they feel more comfortable as well.

1:25:53🔗 Adam Yeah, you're a little young to be having sex.

1:25:56🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce How do you feel about that statement?

1:25:57🔗 Caller Well, yeah, I agree with that too.

1:25:59🔗 Adam Okay, and the fact that you need to be roughed up a little during the sexual act means that you have a serious problem with intimacy and it probably stems from your dad abandoning you or the sense of abandonment you had from your father when you were young. Leaving the family, perhaps some of the alcoholism and that kind of thing.

1:26:16🔗 Caller My dad didn't leave until I was in like the 8th grade.

1:26:19🔗 Adam Alright, but he was probably checked out a little bit, wouldn't you say, because of the drinking?

1:26:24🔗 Drew Yeah, Adam's saying that, I mean, don't you feel that, and don't agree with me because I'm saying this, do you feel that perhaps you really are very dependent on this male figure in your life, your boyfriend, and maybe too dependent, and doing things too early because you really want to have this strong masculine figure in your life, is that possible?

1:26:40🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:26:41🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce How does it feel if we tell you, you know, gee, we really don't feel like you should be having sex for your own good?

1:26:48🔗 Drew Maybe later if you wait, you'll actually enjoy it because you'll feel comfortable about it. Do you know that one out of three women in the United States fakes orgasms regularly because they're in situations like you, they don't have them, but they expect that their boyfriends want to know that I'm enjoying it, you're sending me careening to the rafters of the ceiling, here I go to the moon and back and they fake it?

1:27:06🔗 Adam God bless them is what I have to say. I wish it was a higher percentage, I really do. Why haven't I met any of those ones that fake it?

1:27:13🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce She may as well expect to deliver a calf every time she has sex, is have an orgasm. It's really, first of all, she's not wired for it. Hey, Anderson's right.

1:27:21🔗 Drew Where did that calf come from?

1:27:23🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce But really, the point I'm trying to make is, at 15, she's not wired for it biologically, and I wonder, I asked her, how do you feel about having the support not to do it?

1:27:34🔗 Adam Listen, we're not going to talk her out of anything.

1:27:36🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce No, no, no.

1:27:36🔗 Adam All right, stop having sex. No, no, no, that's not what we're doing.

1:27:39🔗 Drew No, no, no, we love sex. You should enjoy sex. Do it when you enjoy it by feeling good about yourself and letting go. Sex is about putting yourself on autopilot and frigidity when you're sitting there consciously wondering, is it right? Is it wrong? Do I look good? That's when it can't happen.

1:27:55🔗 Caller All right, just stand up.

1:27:56🔗 Adam Shut up.

1:27:57🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Can't ask her.

1:27:57🔗 Adam Listen, goofball, I can't spend 10 minutes a call as much as you'd like to dedicate 10 minutes. Forget it.

1:28:04🔗 Caller Shut up, damn it.

1:28:06🔗 Adam We're going to take a little break. We have the rabbi here and Dr. Bruce who-

1:28:13🔗 Drew I think Bruce is a rabbi.

1:28:14🔗 Adam I wish you wouldn't show up at all.

1:28:16🔗 Drew I bet your beard grows on the inside.

1:28:18🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Absolutely. This man has great wisdom.

1:28:20🔗 Adam It's strangling his brain. We'll be back after this.

1:28:26🔗 Caller LeBanah Pearl and Dr. Drew will be right back before you know it.

1:28:59🔗 Adam All right, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Bruce over there. Rabbi Shmuel Boteach is here. He's the author of Kosher Sex and Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments. I'm being a tag team by the moralist over here tonight.

1:29:13🔗 Drew Rabbi Dr. Bruce.

1:29:14🔗 Adam But I'm trying to fight the atheist fight. You're holding your own.

1:29:19🔗 Drew Absolutely.

1:29:20🔗 Adam Thank you very much. I'll be holding my own in about a half hour when I get home too. Maybe doing more than just holding. Although sometimes my penis just needs to be held. I've found out too.

1:29:30🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Don't look at me.

1:29:31🔗 Adam All right.

1:29:32🔗 Drew I didn't know you're such a tender guy actually.

1:29:34🔗 Adam I really am.

1:29:34🔗 Drew That was only the rough side.

1:29:35🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce It's me tenderizer.

1:29:36🔗 Adam I love Schlang. There you go. Schlang is my Jewish name.

1:29:43🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Short Schlang.

1:29:44🔗 Adam Schlangma. All right.

1:29:47🔗 Drew You know that in Yiddish it means infinitesimal. Just thought I'd enlighten you about that.

1:29:51🔗 Adam Schlang does.

1:29:51🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce It's an oxymoron.

1:29:53🔗 Adam We are going to see if we can't power through a couple of calls here before we wrap it up tonight. Eric, you're 20.

1:30:01🔗 Caller Yes.

1:30:01🔗 Adam I'm going to see if I can pace this up a little. You don't think your dad is your biological father.

1:30:06🔗 Caller Exactly.

1:30:06🔗 Adam Why? Why is that?

1:30:08🔗 Caller Well, my sister, I have an older sister. My mother was married twice. I have an older sister that when she was pregnant with me had heard my mother on the phone say she was pregnant and she was threatened not to tell.

1:30:20🔗 Adam Okay. What good, though, does it do you to investigate this? Is your father in your life?

1:30:27🔗 Caller Well, not right now. He was there my whole life and he was really good and he did everything for me.

1:30:33🔗 Adam All right. So that makes him your father. You owe him that respect.

1:30:37🔗 Drew I completely agree. This is one of those don't ask, don't tell things. You probably have so many other anxieties, worries in your life. I'd focus on them. Don't create more. Life is complicated enough.

1:30:46🔗 Adam It becomes a distraction. People do this all the time. I want to find my biological mother. I want to know her. I want to look in her eyes. She lives in some flop house somewhere. You find her, you're horribly disappointed, and it doesn't fill the void that's in you.

1:30:57🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce To develop leukemia and you need some bone marrow cells, then check it out.

1:31:00🔗 Adam Right. Michelle, welcome to Like A True Doctor. You're 16?

1:31:04🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:31:04🔗 Adam You want to know if it's possible to get pregnant if the guy ejaculates in the same hot tub she's in? Uh-huh. Hey, do you take health at school?

1:31:15🔗 Caller I did last year.

1:31:16🔗 Adam You did? Did you have a male or female teacher? Male. Do you do me a favor and kick him in the nuts next time you see him? There he is. Somebody dropped the ball.

1:31:26🔗 Drew Yeah, Michelle, do you consider yourself very much aware and knowledgeable about sex?

1:31:35🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:31:36🔗 Drew Do you read on the subject? Do you try to inform yourself? I mean, it's a really serious subject. It's the kind of thing which is basically the most intense thing known to man. It's the kind of thing that's going to really give you intensity and passion in your life. So you have to be very informed about it, right?

1:31:50🔗 Adam Michelle, you got that little girl voice that always worries me. Anything up with you?

1:31:56🔗 Caller Nothing.

1:31:56🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Now, you're never molested, no boundary problems when you're a kid, people doing things they shouldn't to you?

1:32:03🔗 Caller Boundary problems?

1:32:03🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:32:04🔗 Adam Anyone do anything bad to you, rape you, molest you?

1:32:06🔗 Caller No.

1:32:07🔗 Adam Nothing like that? Okay, good. You can't get pregnant unless, and I've checked this out, the tub is at least 65% semen, which after a good party, my tub has gotten up to the 83% semen level. But there has to be more semen in there than water is basically how it is. So if it's, let's say, a 250 gallon tub have to be at least 125, 130 gallons of semen in there in order, and even then you may not be ovulating.

1:32:37🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce They swim, it makes me nervous.

1:32:39🔗 Adam Sarah?

1:32:40🔗 Yeah.

1:32:40🔗 Adam You're 18.

1:32:41🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

1:32:42🔗 Adam You want to know how to commit to a relati- Hello?

1:32:45🔗 Caller Yeah, hello.

1:32:46🔗 Adam Yeah, you want to know about a relationship?

1:32:48🔗 Caller Yeah, my father was abusive to my mom verbally, physically. He was also an alcoholic and a drug addict. And I have never committed to a relationship.

1:32:58🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:33:00🔗 Caller I really have like a cynical view on men.

1:33:02🔗 Adam Yes.

1:33:02🔗 Caller And I was just wondering how to really get past that. I've been to like therapists.

1:33:06🔗 Adam Yeah, you got to keep going.

1:33:07🔗 Drew You know, there was a famous doctor in Oxford. He became famous because he was the first person to compile the dictionary. His name was Dr. Samuel Johnson. And he once said that marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. That's why you have faith. And I don't just mean if you're not religious. I mean, Adam here tells me he's an atheist, but he has faith that tomorrow the sun is going to rise. The fact is that if you look at history, there's only been wars. It's been a pretty horrible world. And all of us still believe we can give our children a better life. You have to have faith, have hope. The fact is there are plenty of people around you who are in love. There are plenty of parents who raise their children without scarring them. There are plenty of people who give charity and they do it with a heartfelt devotion and they're altruistic. Focus on the good. Sure, you can find individuals. I'm like you. My parents divorced when I was 8 and I could have gone either way. Children of divorce have a 50% higher rate of divorce themselves. I could have been cynical or I could have said to myself, that ain't going to happen to me. So far, I've chosen the latter and I hope that it will continue.

1:33:58🔗 Adam But listen, all the faith in the world is not going to erase the emotional scarring of this alcoholic abusing father and if faith mixed with some practical therapy and reading and all that, it's going to be great.

1:34:10🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Therapy is not a passive thing, so who knows what she did.

1:34:13🔗 Adam And you saying I tried it a couple of times and it didn't work is ridiculous.

1:34:16🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce It's an ongoing thing, especially in finding a trustworthy guy, somebody that's going to cope with you.

1:34:22🔗 Adam That's right. Okay, we'll take a break. We'll be back.

1:34:27🔗 Caller LeBatomCurl and Dr. Drew will be right back before you know it.

1:35:02🔗 Adam All right, that is it for the show. Another fast show, which means hopefully a stimulating one. I want to thank Rabbi Shmuely for coming in and being stimulating as all hell. I really think he could go another hour or two on this show. Kosher Sex and Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments. Go out and get it. Be you Jew or Gentile. I think there's something to get from that book. The Rabbi is obviously a very wise man, and we do appreciate having you.

1:35:30🔗 Drew Thank you very much, and because of your beautiful comment, we're going to give the Gentiles the same price as the Jews on this one. 15% off. Adam, you are now an honorary Jew.

1:35:39🔗 Adam Thank you.

1:35:40🔗 Drew You're going to have to give contributions to the United Jewish Appeal by tomorrow morning.

1:35:44🔗 Adam You know what I love about the Jews, by the way, when it comes to the contributions, I was just talking about this the other night. I listened to the radio. Turn that idiot down, would you please? Adam Sandler, you're such an idiot. Now listen, I swear to God, listen to the radio. I hear the Gentiles are like, listen, could you please give to the Catholic Relief Fund a can of garbanzo beans, even if it has a dent in it, even if the label's ripped off, we'll take anything. The Jews come on for the Jewish Relief, they're like, hey, drop the car off.

1:36:10🔗 Shmuley Boteach w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah, right.

1:36:12🔗 Adam The Jews are like, we're not going to mess with a can of garbanzo.

1:36:13🔗 Drew What about that rock you gave your wife under the, that's right.

1:36:15🔗 Adam The Jews go right for it.

1:36:17🔗 Drew Listen, I'm going to be honest with you. We need to bring immigrants to Israel.

1:36:21🔗 Adam We don't want a can of a three bean soup. We want your goddamn car. Drop the car off. All right, we're going to take an extended break. I want to thank Dr. Bruce for doing a great job. Until next time, this is Adam Crawford, Dr. Bruce saying mahalo.

1:36:40🔗 Caller Ha ha, well now.

1:36:42🔗 Caller This has been Loveline. The stuff expressed on Loveline is not necessarily the stuff of the staff, management, sponsors, or anyone else, including Westwood One Entertainment. Loveline is produced by Ann Wilkins and Gold. Now, please enjoy these birds.

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