Wednesday, January 19, 2000

0:54🔗 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

0:57🔗 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:01🔗 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:03🔗 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

1:05🔗 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

1:08🔗 Voiceover Loveline.

1:10🔗 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number, 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Drew, I wish the folks at home could see the look on your face as we begin what is probably your 30 millionth show. Drew, with just a far away blank stare down under the console in front of him.

1:36🔗 Drew No, I was looking at Drew, trying to figure them out.

1:37🔗 Adam Just looking. No, Drew, you look lost, you looked empty, you looked despondent.

1:42🔗 Drew I was all those things, that's true.

1:44🔗 Adam Well, it's time to pick it up and act like you want to be here. Unwritten Laws are a guest tonight. Drew was asking me, Stephen Waiter here from the band now, we had the rest of Unwritten Law in here, I'm going four months. Yeah.

1:57🔗 Drew What I was asking about was the fact that every day since then.

2:01🔗 Adam In the last four months.

2:03🔗 Drew Last four months, I've looked across his console and seen an Unwritten Law cap on his head.

2:08🔗 Adam Yes.

2:08🔗 Drew Until tonight.

2:10🔗 Adam Yes.

2:11🔗 Drew When Unwritten Law is here, he wears an I Love New York hat.

2:15🔗 Adam And it crossed my mind. I thought the next time Unwritten Law comes in here, it'll be great because I've been wearing their hat nonstop for four months.

2:23🔗 Drew Nonstop. That is God's truth. Every GD night.

2:27🔗 Adam I know. I wore it so much that I actually worked out in it and I sweat through it and I took it off and left it at work the other day because I got a heavy bag hung at work now, Drew. And when I was leaving the house, I thought, where's my Unwritten Law hat? And then I thought, I can't find my Unwritten Law hat. And then I thought it's at work and then I put this other hat on and now it's just horrible timing. I feel like I've disappointed the band and Drew and myself.

2:52🔗 Drew John Malkovich hat.

2:53🔗 Adam Yeah. Now, where are they? When they come in, I'll wear the Unwritten Law hat. That's right. Anyway, Steve and Wade are both here from the band. Unwritten Law is the name of the CD and talk.

3:07🔗 Unwritten Law Well, you're still wearing your Unwritten Law panties.

3:10🔗 Adam Yeah. I have my Unwritten Law sweat jacket, I think, with the hood built into it.

3:15🔗 Unwritten Law We make those OP corduroy shorts, those little tan ones.

3:18🔗 Adam I didn't get any of those.

3:19🔗 Unwritten Law I'll give you some of those. They make your thighs look really strong.

3:22🔗 Adam Did you bring any other hats?

3:25🔗 Unwritten Law No, we got a-

3:27🔗 Adam No hats tonight?

3:28🔗 Unwritten Law No. We got pocket rockets.

3:30🔗 Adam All right, I'll take those.

3:32🔗 Unwritten Law No, we don't have any more hats.

3:34🔗 Adam Unwritten Law will be playing the Gravity Games up here in Mammoth on January 22nd and also at the Glass House in Anaheim. Is that tomorrow night? Is that what I read?

3:47🔗 Unwritten Law Well, the Glass House? Yeah, it's tomorrow night.

3:53🔗 Adam How does it work, the Gravity Games at Mammoth? I mean, how's the stage work? Is there people doing stuff while you're playing?

4:00🔗 Unwritten Law I had no idea we were even playing the Gravity Games till today. Yeah.

4:04🔗 Adam Mammoth, the 22nd. Is something up with Steve's mic? Does it sound weird to you, Drew?

4:11🔗 Drew It doesn't work very well.

4:12🔗 Adam You only get one ear or something?

4:14🔗 Drew No, it's going down.

4:15🔗 Adam Is that it?

4:16🔗 Drew I just had to get it close. It didn't sound right.

4:19🔗 Why do you have your mouth wrapped around it? What are you doing?

4:21🔗 Adam All right. By the way, the Man Show is on tonight. I thought I'd give everyone a heads up. And you can also find me on Politically Incorrect later on this evening.

4:32🔗 Drew Oh, I thought that was yesterday.

4:33🔗 Adam I did it yesterday, but they taped two shows in one day and I'm on today's show.

4:38🔗 Drew They taped two shows on Thursday.

4:39🔗 Adam Listen, a lot's changed.

4:41🔗 Drew Yeah, that's right. They do it two days.

4:42🔗 Adam Drew is not the darling of Politically Incorrect like I am.

4:46🔗 Unwritten Law I'm just getting around these days.

4:47🔗 Adam Oh, yes. John?

4:50🔗 Yeah.

4:50🔗 Adam You're 17. What's up?

4:54🔗 Caller Well, I give my girlfriend like oral rate and I don't think she enjoyed it too much. I mean, I don't think she got off on it.

5:03🔗 Drew Okay.

5:04🔗 Adam All righty.

5:06🔗 Do you guys have any like tips or anything?

5:09🔗 Adam Well, what was your technique?

5:11🔗 I just like, I don't know.

5:14🔗 Drew Stop right there. I think that's the problem.

5:17🔗 Adam Well, I mean, no one really knows.

5:20🔗 Caller Get into it.

5:23🔗 Adam Could you really describe your technique? Yeah.

5:25🔗 Caller It's like putting on a bib and going out at TV dinner.

5:29🔗 Adam All you can eat rib night at the Sizzler. That's how Wade approaches all of this.

5:34🔗 Drew That's what I was going to say. And so, no, I mean, you know the anatomy, presumably. I don't know.

5:39🔗 Adam Remember the other night where I thought the Clitoris was?

5:41🔗 Drew That's right.

5:42🔗 Adam That was scary where I thought that thing was.

5:45🔗 Drew Yeah. You thought it was by the urethra, basically. The choda?

5:47🔗 Adam Yeah. I have no idea where that thing was, as it turns out. Hey, John. Yeah? Here's the technique. Take it slow, be mellow. Don't do the power move. I mean, you can speed up as it goes on, but start slow.

6:02🔗 Drew Yes.

6:03🔗 Adam That's what you need to do. You need to start slow. And everything you do with a woman, start slow and then you can build up speed.

6:09🔗 Drew And if you don't know exactly where you're supposed to be, let her show you. Really, seriously, exactly where you're supposed to be. Otherwise, it'd be.

6:15🔗 Caller And does it all taste bad?

6:18🔗 I think it tastes great.

6:21🔗 Adam It's an acquired taste, John.

6:24🔗 Unwritten Law You'll get into it. It depends what state the girl's in too. She has to wash her stuff. It would be like buckwheat in the headlock.

6:32🔗 Caller You don't want to go down on that.

6:34🔗 Adam All right.

6:35🔗 All right.

6:36🔗 Adam Drew's got a puss on. All right, John. All right, thanks a lot. Happy, happy Orland. Colleen or Collette, sorry.

6:45🔗 Hi.

6:46🔗 Adam Hi, you're 19. What's up?

6:48🔗 Caller I was wondering, my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two years. I got pregnant a couple of, almost like a year and a half, two years ago. We didn't really discuss it. We hadn't been together that long and I decided to have an abortion. Since that, we don't even sleep in the same bed anymore and our relationship is really strange. I don't know if this is going to change or...

7:13🔗 Drew Let me understand something. You were together a few weeks?

7:15🔗 Caller No, we were together for a couple of months.

7:17🔗 Drew A couple of months. Then you had an abortion. Then two years hence, you can't look at each other?

7:22🔗 Caller I mean, things were okay. But recently, the past couple of months, almost like, actually it's been about eight or nine months.

7:30🔗 Drew All right. So this is...

7:32🔗 Adam Why do you think that has to do with the abortion though?

7:34🔗 Caller Well, we have been having a lot of problems.

7:37🔗 Adam Oh, now that's different.

7:39🔗 Caller I mean, it's like, because when I was 13, I was raped by my boyfriend. And after that, everybody had gone into school saying that I had an abortion and I was pregnant. And I would find pacifiers in my lockers and just like really harsh things when you're 13 years old.

7:57🔗 Drew Collette, what does the abortion have to do with the fact that your relationship is in trouble now?

8:00🔗 Adam The abortion was over two years ago?

8:02🔗 Yeah.

8:03🔗 Caller But I mean like we've been having like a lot of strain on our relationship. Like he's been getting like into this like abusive stage from that his father's taught him. And it makes me feel like I'm in a situation.

8:16🔗 Adam All right. Hey, Collette.

8:17🔗 Caller Yeah.

8:17🔗 Adam Well, let's just put the abortion aside for now. Okay?

8:21🔗 Caller Okay.

8:21🔗 Adam Because that was over two years ago.

8:23🔗 Caller Yeah.

8:23🔗 Adam And this is something that's been going on semi recently.

8:26🔗 Drew You've been raped. Now you have an abusive boyfriend.

8:30🔗 Adam What about your dad? What kind of guy was he?

8:33🔗 Drew How badly did he abuse you? Or how did he abuse you?

8:35🔗 Caller My dad didn't. I mean, he's just very controlling, he's very stern about, you know, his ways.

8:43🔗 Drew And he never struck you?

8:44🔗 Caller No. I mean, we had our arguments or would be in each other's face. But, I mean, it never got to the abusive situation.

8:50🔗 Drew Did your mom?

8:51🔗 Caller My ex-boyfriend did. My mom did.

8:52🔗 Drew All right.

8:52🔗 Adam Your ex-boyfriend did?

8:54🔗 Caller My ex-boyfriend beat me. He used to throw me in front of moving cars.

8:57🔗 Drew Your mom?

8:58🔗 Caller My mom never touched me. No. But, I mean, like, I don't know how to tell my parents that I was even raped. I don't think I could.

9:04🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

9:04🔗 Adam Well, listen, Collette, this new guy is getting abusive, right?

9:08🔗 Caller Just verbally.

9:10🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

9:10🔗 Adam But it's going to keep going. Why don't you break up with him? We don't trust him.

9:14🔗 Drew This needs to end.

9:16🔗 Caller Okay. We've been together for two years. So I'm interested.

9:18🔗 Adam All right. Well, I guess you got to stay together for another two, but then you break up, okay?

9:22🔗 Drew Yeah, after you start smacking him.

9:23🔗 Caller I tried to get him to go to counseling and talk about his problems to make him realize what he's doing.

9:31🔗 Adam And what's his answer to that?

9:35🔗 Caller He finally decided to go. He actually went on Monday, and I had gone with him. The doctor said, he's like, well, you have a lot of guts, because I left him for like a week, and then I had gone back, and he said that I need to put him in his place and realize that I wasn't going to stand for the abuse anymore, and so that was it. But I mean, like, he told me after a while that he actually wanted the baby, and I don't know whether that's a second one.

10:01🔗 Drew Oh, forget about that.

10:01🔗 Adam Forget about that. Hey, Collette, listen, stop talking about the baby that was over two years ago.

10:07🔗 Drew There was no baby.

10:08🔗 Adam Meanwhile, you have a physically or verbally abusive boyfriend who's going to become physically abusive soon, and we know we will be, because your last guy was, and you picked this guy. So listen, here's the deal. Either you guys do counseling or you break up, okay?

10:23🔗 Drew And particularly with emphasis on him.

10:25🔗 Caller Yeah.

10:26🔗 Adam All right.

10:26🔗 Caller Stop, stop.

10:28🔗 Adam Jesus Christ. I feel sorry for everybody, yet I hate them at the same time. I'm kind of like Christ, except for the part where I hate them. You know what I mean?

10:39🔗 Drew You forgive them for that they make you hate them. Hate them.

10:42🔗 Adam Yes. I understand that Collette's dad was a piece of work and an a-hole and abusive and she got caught up in abusive relationship and all that kind of stuff. But now I'm talking to Collette, the adult, and she's driving me nuts. Yeah. The guys, she keeps wanting to talk about abortion that was two years ago. And this guy's abusive and either you get into counseling and he works on his ass or it's over.

11:06🔗 Drew And by the way, I was not overwhelmingly satisfied with her doctor's direction.

11:10🔗 Adam Get him back?

11:11🔗 Drew Yeah. Hey, tell him not to do that. Wait a minute. Get the hell out. Yeah.

11:14🔗 Adam Don't.

11:15🔗 Drew And the only way you go back is if the guy is in intensive work and is remorseful and wants to change. Otherwise, you're done.

11:22🔗 Adam Tyler? Hey, you're the guy who can fart on command?

11:26🔗 Oh, yeah.

11:27🔗 Adam I gave this guy the hotline number last week because I was so enamored with his ass. Nice ass, bro. He can actually, I swear. Anderson, you know what I don't like about Anderson? He don't, you know what I'm talking about?

11:44🔗 Drew He uses his power.

11:45🔗 Adam You know, he's passive aggressive. He wants to know, he wants to know why he drives me nuts. So he drives me nuts. Son of a bitch. Let's hear a fart.

11:53🔗 Drew So please, I pay the price for that. Please.

11:56🔗 Adam Tyler?

11:57🔗 Caller Yeah, should we cut to the chase here?

11:58🔗 Adam Yeah, go ahead.

11:58🔗 Unwritten Law All right, here we go. Yeah.

12:06🔗 Yeah, that was a good one, man.

12:08🔗 Adam I just spilled coffee on myself. It's always funny.

12:12🔗 Unwritten Law Is he sucking air up his butt?

12:14🔗 Adam Yeah, he sucks it up.

12:15🔗 Unwritten Law Really? Yeah. That's some talent right there.

12:17🔗 Adam Hey, can you do it again, Tyler?

12:19🔗 Unwritten Law Do it with an egg.

12:20🔗 Caller Oh, I can't do that.

12:22🔗 Adam All right, don't talk. Yeah, I hear this.

12:25🔗 Unwritten Law No. Oh, dude.

12:29🔗 Adam Hey, Tyler?

12:30🔗 Caller Yeah.

12:32🔗 Adam Thanks, first off. Secondly, I'd like to hear the air going in. Can we hear that?

12:38🔗 Caller You know that first part?

12:39🔗 Yeah.

12:39🔗 Caller It kind of takes a pause. The first part is in.

12:42🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

12:42🔗 Adam Well, I'm going to focus on it this time.

12:44🔗 Here we go.

12:45🔗 Unwritten Law Okay.

12:45🔗 Caller I'll go in and then I'll stop for you.

12:47🔗 Adam Okay. Total silence. Here we go.

12:57🔗 Hold on.

12:58🔗 Yeah, come on.

12:59🔗 Unwritten Law Is qualified? Okay.

13:02🔗 Caller Good night, mom.

13:05🔗 Unwritten Law Have your mom come in.

13:08🔗 Caller All right, here we go. All right. Yeah.

13:16🔗 Adam Yeah.

13:17🔗 Caller That's just in. Here's the out.

13:19🔗 Adam That was just in.

13:20🔗 Caller That was in?

13:22🔗 Adam Oh, wow. That was just in. Yeah. That's amazing. Your ass is like the tide. Like it rolls in and comes back out and rolls in again. Hey, Tyler. Yeah. Does your mom know about your gift?

13:37🔗 Caller Yeah. I remember that one night when she was spying on me and heard me doing it.

13:41🔗 Adam Oh, man.

13:43🔗 Caller Hey, Adam.

13:44🔗 Adam Yeah.

13:44🔗 Drew She must be so proud.

13:45🔗 Caller Did you get your taboo, the taboo 2 thing redone?

13:49🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah.

13:50🔗 Caller Is there any way you could play that sometime pretty soon tonight? Like, because one of my buddies is going to remake that for you.

13:56🔗 Adam Oh, all right. He's going to record it?

13:57🔗 Caller Yeah. And then he'll remake it.

13:59🔗 Adam All right. Where, what time should we play it?

14:01🔗 Caller Any time soon.

14:02🔗 Adam Oh, is he ready? Yeah.

14:04🔗 Caller I told him earlier tonight that.

14:06🔗 Adam All right. Listen, after the next call, Tyler, I'll play the taboo 2 theme song.

14:10🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

14:10🔗 Drew Did you mean your mom was watching as you sort of threw your legs up over your head and all that stuff?

14:16🔗 Caller She wasn't watching. She heard through the door.

14:17🔗 Unwritten Law Oh, my God.

14:18🔗 Drew Hey.

14:18🔗 Caller I've got a lock.

14:19🔗 Adam Tyler, it's very smart. Tyler, you kick your legs up over your head to do it, right?

14:24🔗 Caller No, I just stick the ass up in the air.

14:26🔗 Adam Oh, okay. Hey, Tyler, could you give us a little shot for the road?

14:30🔗 Caller Yeah, here we go.

14:30🔗 Adam Okay.

14:39🔗 Yeah.

14:41🔗 Wow.

14:43🔗 Adam Wow.

14:43🔗 Caller He's loose.

14:45🔗 Adam He's still going.

14:46🔗 Unwritten Law Loose duck.

14:47🔗 Adam Hi, Tyler. Hi. Call in tomorrow.

14:50🔗 Okay. All right.

14:51🔗 Adam Yeah. I can't get enough of this guy. I mean, it's like the guy is a gift, and I want to share it with the world. It's funny every time. Every time it's funny. Every time it's funny. And he sucks it in and spits it right back out again. What a gift. I told him to drop out of school, that he was wasting his time.

15:13🔗 Unwritten Law So how do you figure out that you have that kind of gift? You know what I mean? I'm going to suck air out of your ass. How do you start sucking air up your butt?

15:20🔗 Adam I don't know. I don't know. I know that God touches certain people and certain assholes, and he calls on them. Yes. And then what Tyler has is a calling, right? Yeah.

15:32🔗 Drew Calling on his ass.

15:33🔗 Adam All right. So calling all asses. Yeah.

15:36🔗 Drew What's the first track called? Kaelin?

15:37🔗 Unwritten Law Oh, no.

15:38🔗 Drew It was Colin.

15:38🔗 Unwritten Law I don't know.

15:39🔗 Unwritten Law It's Colin.

15:40🔗 Colin.

15:42🔗 Adam Nice transition there, Drew.

15:43🔗 Drew I thought we could put the song in.

15:45🔗 Adam Rob?

15:46🔗 Yeah.

15:46🔗 Adam You're 30.

15:47🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

15:47🔗 Adam What's up?

15:48🔗 Caller Well, I have a question for Adam. All the guys here at the plant we work at enjoy your show incredibly, and we all want to know if you were ever traumatized by a steelworker.

15:59🔗 Adam No. No. I just worked with him.

16:02🔗 Caller Oh, you did? That probably traumatized you.

16:04🔗 Adam Yeah, it's traumatizing enough just working with these guys. What do you do?

16:08🔗 Caller I'm a tin knocker.

16:09🔗 Adam Oh, really?

16:10🔗 Caller Yeah.

16:10🔗 Adam Now, why are you working at a plant?

16:13🔗 Caller Well, we have skill trades here and all, millwrights, pipe fitters, electricians.

16:20🔗 Adam But aren't you building something?

16:22🔗 Caller Well, constantly.

16:24🔗 Adam At the plant?

16:24🔗 Caller Yeah.

16:25🔗 Adam What kind of plant is it?

16:27🔗 Caller It's a Ford plant.

16:28🔗 Adam Oh, I see. So you're doing like metal stud? Yeah. And you're doing the tracks and snapping the metal stud into place?

16:36🔗 Caller Guarding on machines, air ducts.

16:40🔗 Adam All right. Well, listen, that's a slightly more industrial commercial application. I'm all right with that. I have this theory about the guys who weld. But the welders I'm talking about are more your garden variety muffler shop welders. Sort of biker guys who go to Sturgis once a year and raise a little hell with the bad beards. They call their kids the kid and they got their old ladies. And the only reason they got into welding in the first place is because of the frame cracked on their Harley and they had to fix it themselves. They're doing more commercial stuff. But still, I don't trust you. Don't get me wrong. And you know what I'm talking about, guys who work around metal. You can't trust those guys. But it's still not the white trash dirt bag Sun Valley muffler shop welder.

17:31🔗 Caller So I'm a little higher up on the list, then.

17:32🔗 Adam You start getting into the union stuff. You start getting into the commercial applications. And you start getting into the fabrication and that kind of stuff. And I'm willing to look the other way.

17:41🔗 Caller Oh, OK. OK. Well, we're all happy, then.

17:43🔗 Adam All right, Rob. Thanks for listening.

17:46🔗 Caller OK.

17:46🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

17:47🔗 Adam You know what I'd like to do is I'd like to hear, we will hear something from Unwritten Law. I'd like to hear the Taboo 2 theme song so that Tyler's friend can record it so we can do the remix for me. Now Taboo 2 is a movie that one of the first porn movies I saw. We all have our first porn. For some people, it's a sex boat. For others, it's behind the green door. For me, it was Taboo 2, came out about 1978. There's a very moving song, ballad. It's a ballad that's in it. It's a woman, sort of a Joni Baez kind of a folk singer. She has an acoustic guitar. She's singing about Junior, the guy who's banging his sister and his mom. And it goes a little something like this. There's the haunting theme from, was that Bowen?

19:54🔗 Unwritten Law I guess so.

19:55🔗 Adam There's the haunting theme from Taboo 2, one of my favorite porn movies. I think the guys in the band were getting into it about halfway into it.

20:05🔗 Unwritten Law Oh, yeah.

20:06🔗 Caller Feeling on.

20:07🔗 Adam Yeah. I mean, that's good music, fellas. Your music's okay, but I mean, this is good, classic music.

20:15🔗 Unwritten Law Maybe we should cover it or something.

20:16🔗 Adam Yeah.

20:17🔗 Caller Whacking music.

20:18🔗 Adam It stands the test of time. I mean, it's 20 some odd years old, and it feels as fresh as today's newspaper. Doesn't it, Drew?

20:25🔗 That's all the porn is?

20:26🔗 Drew That's what you were using the newspaper for.

20:28🔗 Adam Does it spread out over your belly like a bird cage? Yeah. The movie has got to be 77, 78.

20:35🔗 Oh, no.

20:35🔗 Caller Bush Galore, huh?

20:36🔗 Adam Something in there. No, it's not as bad as your dad said it was.

20:41🔗 Caller My dad is a big, hairy bush too.

20:45🔗 Adam Madeline?

20:47🔗 Yes.

20:47🔗 Adam You're 20.

20:48🔗 Caller Yes.

20:48🔗 Adam What's up?

20:50🔗 Unwritten Law I am a virgin and I am just, I haven't had sex because I'm afraid it's going to hurt. I just want to know if it's really going to hurt as bad as I think it is.

21:01🔗 Drew No. So I suspect that it's something else. Yeah. Because everyone has concerns about discomfort.

21:06🔗 Adam How come all women are in virgins at 20?

21:08🔗 Drew Right.

21:09🔗 Unwritten Law Are you excited kind of though?

21:12🔗 Unwritten Law Oh, yeah.

21:13🔗 Drew No. What else?

21:14🔗 Unwritten Law I've done lots of stuff. I just am really afraid it's going to hurt.

21:18🔗 Adam All right. Why? Why you? Why are you so concerned about this?

21:23🔗 Drew In other words, all human women.

21:25🔗 Adam She has no idea how to answer that question.

21:26🔗 Drew All human females.

21:27🔗 Adam Hey, Madeline, do you know what I'm asking you? No.

21:30🔗 Drew Oh, boy.

21:31🔗 Adam Okay. Let's try this again. All women have concerns about pain during intercourse.

21:37🔗 Drew All.

21:38🔗 Adam Yet most of them give it up at 15, 16.

21:41🔗 Drew They all overcome that discomfort.

21:43🔗 Adam Now, why you at 20? How come you haven't given it up?

21:48🔗 Unwritten Law I was very naïve until I went to college. I mean, I didn't know anything.

21:52🔗 Drew How come?

21:54🔗 Unwritten Law It wasn't talked about around my house.

21:56🔗 How do you get to school?

21:57🔗 Adam Sex isn't talked about in anyone's house. I mean, everyone else figures it out. What's up? That's what we're asking. What's different about you?

22:05🔗 Unwritten Law I don't know. I mean.

22:07🔗 Adam Okay. Do you have any bad experiences?

22:11🔗 Unwritten Law Well, I don't know. Actually, I don't know what happened one time. Oh, boy.

22:18🔗 Adam That's what we're talking about.

22:19🔗 Drew How old were you?

22:20🔗 Unwritten Law I was 19.

22:22🔗 Drew What happened?

22:22🔗 Adam You were 19?

22:23🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah. I went to a party and we had been drinking. The last thing that I can remember doing is kissing this guy. I woke up the next morning with a black eye, and my clothes were all messed up.

22:37🔗 Drew Wow.

22:38🔗 Adam Well, you could have hit your head on something, but it doesn't sound like it.

22:42🔗 Unwritten Law People were telling me, they were like, yeah, we saw you going outside with this guy, we don't know who he was.

22:48🔗 Adam Okay. But you were 19.

22:51🔗 Unwritten Law I was totally fine. I sounded fine, but I don't remember any of it.

22:54🔗 Adam But Madeline, we're talking about before 19.

22:56🔗 Drew First of all, you have alcoholism in your family?

22:59🔗 Unwritten Law Yes, I do.

22:59🔗 Drew Yeah. That degree of blackout at your age suggests that you probably have that gene too. So you have to be very, very careful.

23:07🔗 Adam Yeah.

23:08🔗 Drew And so you're raising it.

23:09🔗 Unwritten Law I mean, I don't do anything like that anymore.

23:12🔗 Drew Well, but you got the gene. You got it.

23:15🔗 Adam What about before 19? Any bad experiences?

23:18🔗 Drew Other than an alcoholic dad?

23:21🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah, my ex-boyfriend's friend tried to force himself on me.

23:27🔗 Drew How old were you when that happened?

23:28🔗 Unwritten Law I was 17.

23:30🔗 Adam Yeah, we got to keep going. Are we going in two-year increments or like six months increments? What about before that?

23:37🔗 Unwritten Law No, I can't think of anything.

23:39🔗 Adam You have an alcoholic dad?

23:40🔗 Unwritten Law Yes, I do.

23:41🔗 Drew How do I know that, man?

23:42🔗 Adam Was he abusive?

23:43🔗 Drew Sure.

23:43🔗 Unwritten Law He didn't abuse me, he abused my mother. And I saw that.

23:46🔗 Drew All right, there you go.

23:47🔗 Adam Well, there you go. That's why you're a virgin. You don't trust men. I mean, you shouldn't. You know what I'm saying?

23:55🔗 Unwritten Law Right.

23:56🔗 Adam You don't trust men. You watch your dad abuse your mom, right?

24:00🔗 Unwritten Law Right.

24:01🔗 Adam All right. So that's your idea of a man.

24:05🔗 Drew And so what you'll do is find a nice abusive guy to fill that role for you.

24:09🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

24:09🔗 Adam So it's good that you're a virgin.

24:11🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah.

24:12🔗 Adam So Madeline, just be real careful in the guys that you select. It's not going to hurt much or no more than it hurt anyone else. And that ain't too much. And be careful with the boozing because you got the gene, okay?

24:27🔗 Drew The sort of penetration is the symbol for the sort of violent intrusions that she suffers.

24:33🔗 Adam It just drives me nuts that we have to go round and round for five minutes before we get to anything. I'm always disappointed when I do this night after night. I expect more out of our callers and they always disappoint me, Drew. I'm like a Jewish mother. I'm always disappointed.

24:52🔗 Drew You surely can catch a like one.

24:53🔗 Adam All right. Thank you very much. We're going to take ourselves a little break. We have Unwritten Law here tonight. We're going to hear something from their own when we come back. When we come back also, we'll speak to who, Drew?

25:03🔗 Drew Five.

25:03🔗 Adam Who did you point at? Is a 32 Double D. New boobs is-

25:10🔗 Drew New boss.

25:10🔗 Adam Oh, sorry. I'll tell you, I see Double D and every word that starts with a B afterwards just turns into boobs. Because boobs is down here. New boss is staring at her boobs. All right. All right. Hold on one second. I got to say something. Juliet?

25:25🔗 Caller Yes.

25:25🔗 Adam 32 Double D?

25:27🔗 Caller Yeah.

25:27🔗 Adam Yeah, that's good.

25:29🔗 Caller That's not good.

25:29🔗 Adam No, but hold on.

25:30🔗 Caller Okay.

25:31🔗 Adam Hold on. Nice rack. See, guys get caught up and I know we're running a life break. Here we go. Real fast. Guys get caught up in the number. You know, they hear it go, oh, she is a 42C. You know, you don't want that. Listen, you take an NFL lineman. He's a 68C. You know what I mean? That's all back. What you want is the letter. That's the cup. If you can get a 32, low number and then into the double D, that is a deadly combination.

26:02🔗 Caller You want a big hog.

26:04🔗 Adam We're going to figure out what he's staring at after this. Yeah, it is the Loveline, Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew. Long Beach Dub All Stars will be in here tomorrow night. Steven Wade are both here from Unwritten Law tonight. Man Show is on now. I should warn you.

26:54🔗 Drew We're going to start timing our breaks with the sports spectacular.

26:58🔗 Adam There you go.

26:59🔗 Unwritten Law Dude Show.

27:00🔗 Adam It's time to get back to the phones and speak to Juliet. Juliette is 32, sorry, 32 double D. She's 18 years old and her new boss is staring at her.

27:12🔗 Caller Yeah. Should I say something?

27:14🔗 Adam How big is the rest of you?

27:16🔗 Caller Little.

27:17🔗 Adam Yeah. See, that's where that 32 comes in. And so you're, how tall?

27:23🔗 Caller Five four.

27:24🔗 Adam And how much you weigh?

27:25🔗 Caller 117 pounds.

27:26🔗 Adam Nice. And the double D, of course. Nice. Yeah. And now do you like having large breasts?

27:33🔗 Caller No.

27:34🔗 Adam No?

27:34🔗 Caller No. I don't mind it, you know, but it's not something that is great for me.

27:40🔗 Adam All right. And your boss, where do you work?

27:44🔗 Caller At an auto ship dealer or auto dealership.

27:47🔗 Adam Yeah. You're going to have a hard time. Well, here's the problem, quite frankly. You say you're five four.

27:55🔗 Caller Yeah.

27:56🔗 Adam How tall is your boss?

27:57🔗 Caller I don't know.

27:59🔗 Drew He's six feet or so.

27:59🔗 Caller He's a little bit taller than me.

28:00🔗 Drew Five six.

28:03🔗 Caller I don't know.

28:04🔗 Adam Okay. All right. Well, hold on a second.

28:08🔗 Drew Don't you hate it when people ruin your bits?

28:10🔗 Adam Well, no, I just, I mean, I don't need within a millimeter. I just want to know, is he six foot? Is he six eight?

28:16🔗 Drew Is he a lot taller, a little taller?

28:18🔗 Adam I have no idea. Hold on, I'll try this again. Juliet?

28:21🔗 Caller Yeah?

28:22🔗 Adam Is he much taller than you or just a little bit?

28:24🔗 Caller Just a little bit.

28:25🔗 Adam Just a little bit.

28:26🔗 Drew He's a small guy.

28:27🔗 Adam So he's a short guy?

28:28🔗 Caller Yeah.

28:29🔗 Adam How old is he?

28:30🔗 Caller Really old. I'm not sure, gray hair or white hair, all wrinkly.

28:36🔗 Adam Okay.

28:37🔗 Unwritten Law Old balls.

28:39🔗 Adam You're turned on by him?

28:40🔗 No.

28:42🔗 Adam Okay. Listen, Juliet, you're attractive, you have a knockout figure, and this is going to happen. I got news for you. Now, you don't have to stare right at you, but listen, old people wear slippers and a bathrobe to the market because they're just too goddamn lazy.

28:56🔗 Drew Well, they don't screen stuff out.

28:59🔗 Adam Let me explain the mentality of old people. Screw it. I'm dying. I'm going to stare at this chick's boobs because I'm dying. Where do I care? How about that? I ain't dating her. I'm 50 years too old for that. She ain't interested in me. I look like an old prune to her, and you know what? I'm getting my licks in while I can because I'm going home. My wife, her uterus is dragging on the floor. She's 65 years old. She's had menopause twice. She actually went around again, Drew, and went through menopause again.

29:28🔗 Drew That's very nice.

29:29🔗 Adam She is that old. Does anyone, if you live long enough, you hit menopause again, Drew?

29:35🔗 Drew Well, you don't hit menopause, you hit menarche again, start menstruating.

29:37🔗 Adam Oh, really?

29:38🔗 Drew Yeah.

29:38🔗 Adam You mean you start menopause? No, I've had them. I don't know. I don't know what goes on in the old vagina.

29:44🔗 Drew Yeah.

29:45🔗 Adam There's a song, who knows what goes on in the old vagina, the old vagina, the old vagina. I know what goes on in it. It's like a music like Gilbert and Sullivan type song.

29:59🔗 Okay.

30:00🔗 Adam Here's the point. Guys are going to stare. If he's really bugging you, you could bust his balls a little. You know what I mean?

30:11🔗 Unwritten Law You're making him feel good. You should probably feel good about what you're doing. Let him stare.

30:16🔗 Drew You think?

30:17🔗 Adam Juliet?

30:17🔗 Caller Yes.

30:18🔗 Adam Yeah. Does it make you real uncomfortable?

30:19🔗 Caller Yeah, just a little bit.

30:21🔗 Drew Could you confront him about it?

30:23🔗 Caller I don't know because I just start tomorrow. I've just been in there and he doesn't even look me in the eye.

30:30🔗 Adam All right. But look on the bright side. There's some fat chick who never got hired. Do you know what I'm saying?

30:36🔗 Caller Yeah.

30:37🔗 Adam All right.

30:38🔗 Drew Do you have a boyfriend?

30:40🔗 Caller No.

30:41🔗 Drew No one that you could talk to about or protect you or friends.

30:44🔗 Adam Oh, that's not going to work. Do you wear tight fitting blouses and things like that?

30:50🔗 Caller But not on purpose.

30:51🔗 Adam Uh-huh. Kind of but not on purpose. Hey, Julie, listen. When you go to work, do not wear the tight sweater that you wear when you go out on a Friday night. Okay? Okay. If he's bugging you, just call him out on it. But don't report to the manager and all that stuff. Just call him out. If he keeps doing it. Listen, I think everyone should have the chance to correct themselves without you going to management kind of thing. I mean, you should say to someone, hey, listen, why don't you look me in the eye? If he doesn't get that and if he keeps going, then you can go call the manager. Tell him you don't dig it. Yeah, you can call CalWorthy.

31:33🔗 Drew I'm up here. I'm up here, you know what I mean?

31:35🔗 Adam Right.

31:35🔗 Drew Here I am.

31:36🔗 Unwritten Law Right.

31:37🔗 Adam Listen, guys can't help that. I mean, they can't. That's a biological event. You can't help that, can you?

31:44🔗 Drew As you get older, it's difficult to screen out impulse.

31:47🔗 Adam I had a horrible experience today. At my man show office, the writers got hold of some midget porn.

31:54🔗 Drew Yeah.

31:55🔗 Unwritten Law Uh-huh, I've seen that.

31:56🔗 Adam And midget porn's real rough.

31:59🔗 Drew Is this what you guys do to inspire yourselves?

32:01🔗 Adam The writers have a sort of twisted macabre and occult sort of sensibility to them.

32:08🔗 Drew But to inspire themselves, they watch weird animals.

32:11🔗 Adam They come up with amusing things to do. So one guy puts the midget porn in, and he says, watch, and I say, no, I don't want to watch the midget porn, because I got to, what time is it? 5.30, I'm going to be home at 7? I got to masturbate in an hour and 35 minutes, and I don't want the imagery of the midget porn running through my head. And he goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, this is funny. All the writers gather around, they go, no, you're going to like this. And I said, why? I don't want to watch him. No, no, no, no, no. The one guy goes over to his computer, he takes a disk of classic TV shows, he puts the Benny Hill sax solo in.

32:46🔗 Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.

32:50🔗 Adam Then he says, look at the Midget Porn and he does it in fast motion scan. Now with the Benny Hill music going in the background and the Midget Porn moving in fast motion, it all comes together and it makes perfect sense at this point.

33:05🔗 Unwritten Law Oh my God.

33:06🔗 Adam You had to be there. You guys remember Benny Hill? No, no, no. You know the name? I know the name.

33:11🔗 Oh, okay.

33:12🔗 Drew He was in Cheesy Bang Bang, right?

33:14🔗 Oh, shut up.

33:15🔗 Drew Did it screw up your stride?

33:17🔗 Adam No, no. It will later tonight. I'm going to go for a round two. All right. We're going to hear something from Unwritten Law off their CD, Unwritten Law. You queued up there Anderson? Yes. This one is called the Kaelin. Yeah, hit me. That is Unwritten Law, off their Unwritten Law CD. They are our guests tonight. Stephen Waiter, both here from the band. We are going to take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we will-

37:36🔗 Drew Take some Unwritten Law questions.

37:37🔗 Unwritten Law We will?

37:38🔗 Drew Yeah.

37:38🔗 Adam All right. I know, we'll do that. But give me a teaser, give me a tiddly one.

37:43🔗 Unwritten Law This is a good one. No more old men and tricks.

37:45🔗 Adam It has a patch of pimples on scrotum.

37:49🔗 Drew Say that five times fast.

37:50🔗 Adam Patch of pimples on scrotum. That is Craig. Any girls with anything on there? Dave? Katie? Katie's got an Unwritten Law question. All right. We will talk about the scrotums and Unwritten Law when we come back.

38:08🔗 We will be right back with more Loveline.

38:35🔗 Adam Yes, it is Loveline, I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew over there, having a good time watching the Man Show, watching Jimmy Fart in My Face. We have Unwritten Laws, our guest tonight. Unwritten Laws is also the name of the CD. And Drew, that is classic programming, is it not?

38:56🔗 Drew People are angry with me for laughing at the Man Show.

38:59🔗 Adam Oh.

38:59🔗 Drew Pissed, outraged.

39:00🔗 Adam Oh, who's mad at you?

39:02🔗 Drew Some of the more evolved humans in the other room.

39:05🔗 Adam There's nothing better than guys farting on each other. Steve and Wade are both here from Unwritten Law. And I think we're going to hop back on the phones now and speak to... It was genius when the fart actually moved my hair, wasn't it? Yeah, did that with compressed air. Stroke a genius. Greg? Hello? You're 16. What's up?

39:27🔗 Caller Yeah, hi.

39:30🔗 Adam Steve, remember our little mic conversation?

39:35🔗 Caller I have this problem on the bottom part of my scrotum. I have a patch of these three or four pimple things, but they're not as big as pimples. They're smaller and they've developed whiteheads. And every now and then I can pop them and they start to ooze like a pimple, but I don't think they are because they're in a little patch.

39:58🔗 Drew No, they're probably just sebaceous cysts.

40:01🔗 Adam That's on the scrotum?

40:02🔗 Drew Yeah.

40:03🔗 Adam Everybody gets those things on their scrotum.

40:05🔗 Drew Once in a while.

40:06🔗 Unwritten Law You should try washing your penis.

40:09🔗 Adam I don't got to do it. Don't listen to that. Washing your penis.

40:14🔗 Drew Be careful. Yeah, well, keep it clean because these things can get infected.

40:17🔗 Adam Ah, listen, me and I comb through my scrotum every once in a while.

40:21🔗 Caller What? It's not going to kill me or nothing? No. I shouldn't really worry about it?

40:25🔗 Drew Well, I think you ought to have a doctor take a look at it.

40:27🔗 Adam Oh, what are you talking about? You're talking about the things that look like little zits or little white heads on your scrotum?

40:31🔗 Drew Yeah. It's a cluster of big ones.

40:33🔗 Adam How big are they?

40:36🔗 Caller They're like probably a little smaller than the regular size of a pimple on your face.

40:41🔗 Adam All right, they're smaller than a regular size pimple?

40:44🔗 Caller Yeah.

40:44🔗 Adam All right, forget it. Stop staring at your scrotum.

40:48🔗 Caller Okay, but before I go, can I say something?

40:50🔗 Drew Yeah.

40:51🔗 Caller Can I say hi to my friend in the best of here?

40:53🔗 Adam Yeah, go ahead. All right, where are we? Yeah. That was a nonsense call. Everyone's got something going on in their scrotum.

41:02🔗 Drew Yeah.

41:03🔗 Adam I weigh mine every night before I go to bed. I put a flashlight underneath it and shine it through it.

41:07🔗 Drew Trans-illuminate.

41:08🔗 Adam Trans-illuminate. I do the water displacement test on it. Very careful. Well, otherwise, it won't fall asleep. It will keep me up all night. Cameron?

41:17🔗 Yeah.

41:17🔗 Adam You're 15.

41:18🔗 Caller Yeah, he's gone. Good. First of all, I just want to say, me and my friend Tom, we think Adam, you are like the coolest guy, like my hero.

41:28🔗 Adam Thank you.

41:29🔗 Caller And Drew, you're cool too.

41:31🔗 All right, Cameron.

41:33🔗 Caller Anyway, my question is for Unwritten Law. I just want to know, who are you touring with on your next tour or whatever?

41:40🔗 Unwritten Law We don't even have a next tour.

41:42🔗 Caller You don't?

41:43🔗 Unwritten Law Not yet.

41:43🔗 Adam Hey, Steve, give him a little camp there, buddy.

41:46🔗 Unwritten Law Well, Mike wasn't working earlier, so you know.

41:48🔗 Drew Right, see?

41:49🔗 Adam All right, sorry. When are you guys going to be touring?

41:52🔗 Unwritten Law Two and a half months, I think. We're like in the process of recording our new album right now.

41:56🔗 Caller Oh, cool. You're coming out on a new one?

41:58🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah, it is. Sweet. So we'll be touring as soon as that album's out.

42:04🔗 Adam Where are you calling from, Cameron?

42:05🔗 Caller Portland.

42:06🔗 Adam Portland.

42:06🔗 Caller Portland, Oregon, yeah.

42:07🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

42:07🔗 Adam So I'm sure they'll come to a theater or a stage near you.

42:11🔗 Caller Because, you know, you guys are like, you know, I'm like a huge fan.

42:15🔗 Drew Hey, are you going to Portland, to Oregon with me? You're not going to Eugene, I think.

42:18🔗 Unwritten Law When?

42:19🔗 Drew I don't know, a couple of weeks. Or is it just me?

42:22🔗 Adam I think it's just you. What are you doing?

42:23🔗 Unwritten Law I don't know.

42:24🔗 Adam OK.

42:26🔗 Drew Thought maybe you knew.

42:27🔗 Adam No, I don't know. Katie?

42:29🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah.

42:29🔗 Adam You're 17?

42:30🔗 Unwritten Law Hey.

42:31🔗 Adam Wait a minute. Hold on. Do you want to take a kid or something screwed up here, Drew? Idiot. How many times I told you about that, Drew? Dave?

42:39🔗 Caller Yes.

42:40🔗 Adam Why don't you take two unwritten law questions in a row?

42:42🔗 Caller No, this isn't for unwritten law.

42:44🔗 Adam That's you. I was yelling at him about Katie. We'll take someone with something growing on their scrotum. And then we'll take an unwritten law question. Go ahead, Dave.

42:52🔗 Caller Hey, I got a question for Dr. Drew. Yeah. I've had a serious fascination with incest for pretty much as far back as I can remember.

43:06🔗 Adam Yeah.

43:07🔗 Caller Mainly like a father daughter thing, kind of a preteen thing. I'm always looking it up on the internet.

43:15🔗 Adam Yeah. What about for yourself?

43:20🔗 Caller No. Nothing's ever happened to me.

43:21🔗 Adam Yeah. But what about your mom?

43:23🔗 Caller Oh, no.

43:24🔗 Adam I'm sorry, brother. I didn't mean to offend you. Okay. You don't want to bang your mom. You just want to watch other guys bang their mom or their sister? No.

43:32🔗 Drew The father daughter.

43:34🔗 Caller The father daughter thing.

43:36🔗 Adam All right. Okay.

43:37🔗 Drew When he has a child, we have to worry maybe.

43:38🔗 Adam Oh, okay.

43:39🔗 Caller Well, yeah.

43:40🔗 Drew Have you ever done anything with little kids when you were a kid?

43:42🔗 Caller No.

43:43🔗 Drew Nothing. You have a girlfriend?

43:46🔗 Caller Well, as far as I know, my sex life has been pretty normal.

43:50🔗 Adam All right. Do you have a sister?

43:52🔗 Caller No. Only child.

43:53🔗 Adam That's good. And is your dad an okay guy?

43:57🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah.

43:58🔗 Adam Okay.

43:58🔗 Caller Well, he was alcoholic and abusive, but-

44:01🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

44:01🔗 Adam But other than that, he was a saint, right?

44:04🔗 Okay.

44:04🔗 Drew Perfectly normal.

44:05🔗 Adam Perfectly healthy.

44:06🔗 Yeah.

44:07🔗 Adam All right. Well, maybe that rattled you a little bit there, Dave.

44:11🔗 Caller Well, I don't know. Well, you know, I don't know what causes it, and it's always kind of bothered me because I can't, I feel like I'm a big weirdo. I'm always looking it up on the Internet. I know there's other people out there like me, but-

44:23🔗 Adam Listen, I got a plan here, Dave. As I'm a man of compromise and moderation, I say you have two daughters. One of them you leave alone, the other one you ritually molest on a nightly basis. That way, only one goes wacko on you. You know what I'm saying? Then you got another one who's in good shape, right? It's like a pair of shoes. You wear one to work, you wear one, the sneakers been playing ball and you keep a nice pair for when you go out, bar mitzvahs, holidays, things like that. You don't want to mess those up.

44:52🔗 Drew No.

44:53🔗 Adam All right, Dave. Oh, hell, have three daughters. Make one like the weekend chick, and then like weeknights, right?

44:59🔗 Drew I suspect that you suffered some more abuse than perhaps you're even aware when your dad was drinking. And that may have got you a little bit stuck in some stage.

45:08🔗 Adam You think so?

45:10🔗 Caller I really don't know. As far as I know, there's been nothing in my past.

45:13🔗 Drew Well, your dad was an abusive alcoholic.

45:15🔗 Caller Yeah.

45:15🔗 Drew All right, that's something in your past.

45:17🔗 Caller Okay.

45:17🔗 Adam Yeah, that's kind of a big deal. Hey, I wish, I hope when I have kids and I'm an abusive alcoholic, they call in a radio show and try to blow it off. You know what I mean?

45:28🔗 Drew You can't understand what it is. That was great.

45:30🔗 Adam I swear to God, I hope I give birth to one of our listeners. I really do because I can drink, I can molest, I can beat, I can be verbally abusive, and then they'll tell their friends, my dad, he's got his problems like any guy, but he's a decent enough guy. I mean, imagine how great that would be. Your kid, you just sodomize him, you beat him, you smack him with a whiskey bottle, you're drunk every night, you beat the crap out of mom, and then they tell your friends, you know, he's all right. There's some better, some worse.

45:59🔗 Caller I love that. Thanks, dad.

46:01🔗 Adam Thanks, dad.

46:03🔗 Caller All right.

46:04🔗 Adam I don't think Dave's going to do anything, because it seems like he would have done something by now, doesn't it? I mean, he's 19.

46:10🔗 Caller Where is he from?

46:11🔗 Adam That's a good question. Let's see. Dave, where are you from?

46:14🔗 Caller California.

46:14🔗 Adam All right. Now, we cleared that up. Let's talk to Katie.

46:18🔗 Hi.

46:19🔗 Adam Now, you've got a question for Unwritten Law?

46:21🔗 Yeah. Steve and Wade, you guys are the coolest. I'm so glad that you guys are getting playtime on the radio.

46:27🔗 Caller You guys really deserve it.

46:29🔗 But my question is, how did you guys get your name?

46:33🔗 Unwritten Law What?

46:33🔗 How did you get your name?

46:35🔗 Unwritten Law I got it out of an Aleister Crowley book.

46:39🔗 Unwritten Law No, the band's name, Unwritten Law.

46:41🔗 Adam Yeah. Really? Yeah. Wow.

46:44🔗 Unwritten Law I just got up an old book. I'm into old weird books like JL. Tolkien and all those old weird books and it sounded cool.

46:51🔗 Adam Hey, Katie. Yeah. Thanks for the question. I got to let you go because we're running late for break.

46:55🔗 Caller Okay.

46:56🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

46:56🔗 Caller Thanks a lot.

46:57🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

46:57🔗 Adam Hold on a second. Unwritten Law is our guest tonight. Steve, I may not have brought this up, but you want me to back off the mic just a little bit.

47:04🔗 Unwritten Law He keeps deep throat in it. I like deep throat.

47:07🔗 Adam We're going to take ourselves a little break. We'll be back after this. Yep, it's Loveline. We're gonna take a quick 10-second timeout. We'll be back with more of the program in just 10 seconds.

47:52🔗 Caller This is Loveline on Radio Station.

48:07🔗 Adam Yeah, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Stephen Wait are both here from Unwritten Law. That is also the name of the CD. Also, Long Beach Dub All Stars will be in here tomorrow night. And next week, Snoop Dogg's coming in. So that ought to be a good time. Till then, we'll get back to the phones and speak to Michael. Michael?

48:35🔗 Caller Hello, yeah, what's up?

48:36🔗 Adam You're 25.

48:37🔗 Caller Yes.

48:38🔗 Adam What's your question?

48:39🔗 Caller What's my question?

48:41🔗 Caller My wife had to perform oral sex in the morning before I had to go to work.

48:45🔗 Adam All right.

48:45🔗 Caller And I was just wondering if that's a problem.

48:47🔗 Adam Is that on you?

48:48🔗 Unwritten Law You're complaining?

48:49🔗 Caller No, I'm not.

48:50🔗 Caller Actually, that's great.

48:51🔗 Caller She's the one who initiated it.

48:53🔗 Adam Right.

48:53🔗 Drew Good night. That's fine.

48:55🔗 Adam Have fun. Hey, hurry up and get to sleep, would you? Screwball. That's a problem. Krista?

49:03🔗 Yes.

49:03🔗 Adam You're 22.

49:04🔗 Caller Yes, I have a question about the pill and antibiotics and I've heard that it makes the antibiotics, or the antibiotics makes the pill less effective.

49:12🔗 Drew Potentially.

49:14🔗 Caller And I was wondering, if all antibiotics do that, and if so, how long it takes after I'm off the antibiotics before?

49:20🔗 Drew The next pill, the next cycle, the next packet.

49:23🔗 Caller So it would be like a week or whatever.

49:25🔗 Drew Well, if you start the antibiotics at the beginning of your packet, you're going to be a full month uncovered. And if you, just when you start your next packet, consider yourself covered. Tetracyclines are sort of nefarious for this, and other antibiotics could potentially do it. So just always use a secondary barrier.

49:41🔗 Adam All right, Krista. Happy 11th. Let's speak to Tim over here. Tim, you heard that Mountain Dew reduces the sperm count?

49:53🔗 Yeah, my friends keep explaining that to me, I guess. Like, I don't know how I drank some today. I was just curious.

50:00🔗 Adam You drank some Mountain Dew today?

50:02🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah.

50:03🔗 Adam Yeah, it's considered a form of birth control.

50:05🔗 Really?

50:06🔗 Adam Yeah.

50:07🔗 No, seriously though, I was just wondering, like.

50:09🔗 Unwritten Law You kidding?

50:10🔗 If it was true, if it really does.

50:12🔗 Adam Hey, Tim.

50:12🔗 Drew Yeah.

50:13🔗 Adam How much pot are you smoking these days? No.

50:16🔗 Drew Come on, brother. Oh, Tim, come on.

50:18🔗 Adam Come on.

50:19🔗 Dead serious.

50:20🔗 Drew Well, before you stopped.

50:21🔗 Dead serious? Never.

50:23🔗 Adam You've never smoked pot?

50:24🔗 Never.

50:27🔗 Adam Never smoked pot?

50:28🔗 Drew Got hit with a frying pan, though.

50:29🔗 Adam What happened? You all right?

50:31🔗 I just have a deep voice.

50:32🔗 Adam Okay. You think in a very clear way, you're all right? You're not scrambled at all?

50:39🔗 Yeah, I'm cool.

50:40🔗 Adam All right.

50:40🔗 Drew Enjoy the Mountain Dew.

50:41🔗 Everybody's in bed. Do the Dew.

50:43🔗 Adam All right. Drink that Mountain Dew.

50:45🔗 Caller Is it true or not?

50:47🔗 Drew Not.

50:47🔗 Caller No. Okay.

50:49🔗 Adam I have, as Drew knows, when I'm in charge, I'm going to put a sterilization agent in Mountain Dew and Sunny Delight and we're going to clean up this world. I figure if the people who drink enough Mountain Dew and Sunny Delight are rendered sterile, will really help our odds into the millennium.

51:09🔗 Drew Well, at least you can finally put teeth in that old wives tale. Satisfy everyone.

51:15🔗 Adam That's right.

51:15🔗 Drew Yeah, there'll be no shock to people, too, when the sperm count drops out. See, we told you, Mountain Dew.

51:19🔗 Adam I called Mountain Dew Nectar the Tards a couple of times on the radio and the general manager of the station yelled at me.

51:31🔗 Drew He said, no, he yelled one word at you.

51:34🔗 Adam Yeah, he said, hey, stop talking about Mountain Dew. And I said, well, and he said, stop it. And I went, OK, Tripp.

51:43🔗 Drew Well, no, then he yelled the word back.

51:45🔗 Adam Yeah, what did he yell?

51:46🔗 Drew Pepsi.

51:47🔗 Adam Oh yeah, Pepsi. Yeah, I think Pepsi owns Mountain Dew, right?

51:50🔗 Drew Yeah, that's right, Pepsi owns K-Rock, there you go.

51:51🔗 Adam Apparently, they're a pretty big advertiser, so it's important not to call their products Nectar at the Tards. George? Yeah. A little tip for anyone who's getting in the radio. George, you're 19. Yeah. What's up?

52:05🔗 Caller I was having sex with my girlfriend for one month.

52:09🔗 Adam Yeah. George, you in the bathroom?

52:12🔗 Caller No.

52:13🔗 Adam Wow, you got quite an echo going there.

52:17🔗 Caller It's a little room.

52:18🔗 Caller All right.

52:20🔗 Caller A little whacking room.

52:22🔗 Adam George, you got to put a throw rug down in that room. It needs something to eat up the sound a little bit.

52:27🔗 Caller All right.

52:28🔗 Adam All right. So you're having sex with your girlfriend?

52:31🔗 Caller And I was on the bottom position and she was on top.

52:34🔗 Adam Yeah.

52:35🔗 Caller And I guess her juices, I noticed that she was dripping a lot.

52:39🔗 Adam Her juices, yeah.

52:41🔗 Caller And it got on my leg. And I noticed that a week later, I was like scratching on my leg, that part, the exact part where she was dripping at.

52:48🔗 Adam Right.

52:49🔗 Caller And it became like a rash, kind of.

52:52🔗 Adam Yeah.

52:52🔗 Caller The skin became kind of brown. And I was looking, I looked at it, and there was like, well, like two stretch marks right in the same spot. They did it up right there. I don't know what.

53:03🔗 Caller Yeah.

53:04🔗 Unwritten Law Don't have sex with her.

53:06🔗 Caller Yeah.

53:06🔗 Adam What I, what I do when I'm with the ladies is I'll put a generous helping of kitty litter down on top of me to, you know, like your dad does in the garage when the transmission leaks. You know, it sops up anything that comes out of there.

53:20🔗 Drew And of course, you know, women's juices can be just like battery acid. It's probably just burning through.

53:24🔗 Adam You see that movie Alien?

53:25🔗 Drew Yeah.

53:26🔗 Adam Yeah. They cut the alien and it's like it goes right through to the fifth floor of the spaceship. It just keeps burning its way through. Hey, George.

53:34🔗 Caller Yeah.

53:34🔗 Adam It's probably not her juices that caused the rash.

53:38🔗 Caller I was scratching that spotlight.

53:39🔗 Drew But George, you use, you have such command of language and the descriptive power which you've.

53:46🔗 Adam Well, what do you want him to call it? It's juices.

53:48🔗 Drew It's hard for me to really make an assessment of what's going on.

53:51🔗 Adam So if there's any concern, you certainly couldn't cause stretch marks in that spot, George.

53:56🔗 Unwritten Law All right. Juice marks. All right.

53:58🔗 Adam You say the skin turned brown?

53:59🔗 Drew Yeah.

54:00🔗 Caller Kind of like a not smooth. I kind of like a roughish skin.

54:03🔗 Drew Are you a dark skin person?

54:05🔗 Caller I'm kind of not really.

54:08🔗 Drew You have no pigment. You're white.

54:11🔗 Unwritten Law You're a honky?

54:12🔗 Caller No.

54:13🔗 Drew Okay. People that have more pigment tend to, their skin tends to darken when it gets irritated. So the brown spot is just the irritation.

54:20🔗 Adam All righty. We'll speak to Zoe who's 27. Zoe?

54:25🔗 Hey. How are you doing? Good. I'm really pathetic. I don't know what my problem is. I'm like total fag hag and just totally in love with gay men. And I can never seem to find a straight guy that I'm attracted to.

54:37🔗 Drew You're 27?

54:38🔗 Caller Yeah.

54:38🔗 Drew When was the last time you were in a relationship?

54:41🔗 Caller Well, like a few weeks ago, I was going out with this guy who I thought was gay and then he told me he was bi and he wanted to go out with me. And then because I'm not a guy, he didn't think it would work out.

54:49🔗 Drew Zoe, what was the last time you were in a relationship?

54:52🔗 Caller Probably like four years ago.

54:53🔗 Drew And what happened to that?

54:55🔗 Caller The guy was a freak and I broke up with him.

54:56🔗 Drew How long were you with him?

54:57🔗 Caller Like six months. That was the longest relationship I've ever had.

55:01🔗 Adam Why do you think you're attracted to gay men exclusively?

55:05🔗 Caller I don't know. There's just something about them. I love hanging out with them.

55:07🔗 Drew I think she's avoiding something. Totally hot. What do you mean the guy was a freak?

55:11🔗 Caller Oh, he was just weird. He was just freaky and weird and grumpy.

55:15🔗 Adam Do you know these guys are gay before you enter into a relationship with them?

55:19🔗 Caller Pardon? Yeah. Well, no. This one guy that I fell in love with I knew was gay and then he asked me out. Said he was kind of bi and then he kind of like sort of said, let's kind of put things on hold.

55:31🔗 Drew This relationship you had for six months, were you in love with that guy?

55:34🔗 Caller I thought I was.

55:35🔗 Drew What do you mean by freaky? What did he do to you?

55:39🔗 Caller He was just weird. He just-

55:41🔗 Drew Zoe, that's not acceptable. We're going to hang up on you. What did he do? Precisely?

55:45🔗 Caller Well, he liked to wear my underwear and he liked to-

55:50🔗 Drew So he has some issues too.

55:51🔗 Caller Masturbate with my underwear.

55:53🔗 Drew Did he mistreat you towards the end?

55:57🔗 Caller No, nothing abusive really.

55:58🔗 Adam When you say masturbate with your underwear, does that mean he wore them like on his head while he did it?

56:05🔗 Caller Well, no, he would put it around his pee-pee and do it.

56:09🔗 Adam I would. Well, that's just a little mop. I mean, that's practical. I've done that before. Okay. There's nothing wrong with that.

56:18🔗 Caller Okay. Well, and he just always liked to dress up- That's rude.

56:20🔗 Adam That's a smart move.

56:21🔗 Caller What?

56:21🔗 Adam Yeah.

56:22🔗 Caller He always wanted me to dress up like a little girl and it was just really weird.

56:27🔗 Adam All right.

56:27🔗 Drew You have interesting selection in man.

56:29🔗 Adam Hey, Zoe.

56:30🔗 Caller Yeah.

56:30🔗 Adam All right. I got a theory here.

56:32🔗 Drew Yeah.

56:33🔗 Adam Did your dad abandon you?

56:35🔗 Caller No. I have like the total perfect home life. The only weird thing about me is that I'm a 27-year-old virgin.

56:41🔗 Caller And that's pretty pathetic, but-

56:42🔗 Adam Wow. Well, listen, you date gays exclusively, and that's what's going to happen. Don't you think a gay guy would nail a chick in the ass, though, at least? You know what I mean? He could just close his eyes, pretend there was more hair.

56:54🔗 Unwritten Law Or you could strap him on and give him the dog.

56:56🔗 Caller Yeah, I wanted it. I offered the strap on, and they're like, no, I want the real thing, so-

57:00🔗 Unwritten Law I love it. There's nothing wrong with that.

57:06🔗 Caller Come on over.

57:07🔗 Adam Zoe, hey, baby, hold on, slow down there.

57:09🔗 Drew You're gay.

57:10🔗 Adam Zoe. First off, I know why you're attracted to gay men. All women are attracted to them because they work out, and they're hairless, and their skin is so shiny, it winks at you, and they dress impeccably, and they're very polite, and they love small dogs, and they love their little convertibles, and they recycle, and it's a very attractive lifestyle except for the part about them nailing other guys in the ass for a living. So here's the question, why are you a virgin at 27?

57:42🔗 Caller Because I'm very picky, I guess.

57:43🔗 Adam Oh yeah. Are you a little bit nutty? Yeah.

57:48🔗 Caller I'm a theater person, so I'm a little kind of whacked. A what? I'm a thespian.

57:53🔗 Adam Oh, you're an actress?

57:54🔗 Caller Yes.

57:55🔗 Unwritten Law Oh no.

57:56🔗 Adam That always means whack jobs. Oh baby. Are you on any medication?

58:02🔗 Caller I'm on Prozac.

58:03🔗 Adam Oh you are?

58:03🔗 Unwritten Law Okay.

58:04🔗 Adam Yeah.

58:04🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

58:04🔗 Adam So you got some stuff going on, right?

58:07🔗 Caller Kind of.

58:08🔗 Adam Yeah. All right. How's the acting going?

58:11🔗 Caller I'm doing a show at school right now.

58:13🔗 Adam At school?

58:15🔗 Drew You're 27.

58:15🔗 Adam What school?

58:18🔗 Caller San Jose State University.

58:20🔗 Adam San Jose State? Yeah.

58:22🔗 Drew You're 27.

58:23🔗 Adam That's all right.

58:24🔗 Caller I was out of school for a while.

58:25🔗 Adam All right. Hey, Zoe. Listen, I think you're going to make it big. You're just nutty enough. Okay.

58:30🔗 Caller Right on. I would have totally called too if I had that farting talent. I really dug that guy. He was very cool. So keep playing that.

58:37🔗 Adam Well, listen, Zoe. Yeah. Why don't you just see if you can find yourself a nice straight guy and lose your virginity, please.

58:44🔗 Caller Okay.

58:45🔗 Adam All right. Try not to act so nutty in front of them. You're scaring them. All right?

58:48🔗 Caller Okay.

58:49🔗 Adam Are you sure your parents are okay?

58:52🔗 Caller Yeah.

58:52🔗 Drew Okay. You're not gay yourself?

58:54🔗 Caller What's that?

58:55🔗 Drew You're not gay yourself? I don't know.

58:56🔗 Caller I've been totally bi-curious lately. I don't know. I think if I'm striking out with guys, maybe I need to go for girls. I have no idea.

59:04🔗 Drew Zoe, you're out of touch. You need to figure out who and what you are.

59:08🔗 Adam Wow. She's like five kinds of nuts, that Zoe. I mean, she's-

59:12🔗 Blah.

59:13🔗 Drew Wow.

59:14🔗 Adam Yeah. It's always a tip-off when someone says like, hey, Zoe, you ever get any counseling?

59:21🔗 Caller Blah.

59:24🔗 Adam Okay. We're going to take that as a yes. Maggie?

59:27🔗 Yes.

59:27🔗 Adam You're 17?

59:28🔗 Caller Yes.

59:29🔗 Caller I have a friend that can do the farting thing.

59:32🔗 Adam You do?

59:32🔗 Caller Yeah.

59:33🔗 Caller A girl.

59:34🔗 Adam A girl? Someone in the Powder Puff Division is now.

59:38🔗 Drew Excuse me. It would be called Power Puff in this situation.

59:40🔗 Adam Power Puff.

59:41🔗 Caller Yeah.

59:42🔗 Adam What's her name, Maggie?

59:43🔗 Caller Genevieve.

59:44🔗 Adam Genevieve. Is she present?

59:47🔗 Unwritten Law Why is it every Genevieve that everyone knows does that kind of stuff?

59:52🔗 Adam Is she present?

59:53🔗 Caller No, she's at her house.

59:54🔗 Caller No.

59:55🔗 Drew You can get her. Look.

59:56🔗 Adam Oh, dude.

59:57🔗 Caller You can get her.

59:57🔗 Adam Can you call her up? Yeah. All right. We're going to put you on hold. Okay. How are we going to work this? Lisa?

1:00:05🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

1:00:06🔗 Adam We're going to put you on hold. We're going to work this out. Maggie?

1:00:10🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:00:10🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah.

1:00:10🔗 Adam Okay.

1:00:11🔗 Caller Okay.

1:00:11🔗 Adam All right. I'd like to hear what a woman can produce. I don't even know if I've actually. Yes. When I was 15 or 16, I was watching the movie Halloween. I was sitting next to a girl named Phyllis Tyler, and it was a very scary part of the movie. A very startling thing happened, and Phyllis squeezed out a fart. But that was coming on 20 years ago, and that's the last time I heard a chick fart. So.

1:00:42🔗 Unwritten Law Chicks can fart out of their twat, right?

1:00:44🔗 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:00:45🔗 Unwritten Law That's a queef, isn't it? Queef on me.

1:00:48🔗 Adam Wade, you're a silky smooth with that velvety tongue of yours.

1:00:53🔗 Unwritten Law I came close. All right.

1:00:55🔗 Adam So we'll hear what Genevieve can produce. Mandy?

1:00:59🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah.

1:00:59🔗 Adam You're 30?

1:01:00🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah.

1:01:01🔗 Adam What's up?

1:01:03🔗 Unwritten Law Well, I'm bi, and I want to be with another woman with my boyfriend. But I was wondering how risky is it to get HIV through oral sex? And also-

1:01:14🔗 Drew That's not what you want to ask. Come on.

1:01:16🔗 Adam No.

1:01:17🔗 Unwritten Law What?

1:01:17🔗 Adam That's not risky.

1:01:19🔗 Unwritten Law It's not. Well, without protection, like dental dam or whatever.

1:01:23🔗 Adam Well, you got to find yourself a nice clean candidate, you know. Don't go out with any Haitian broads or anything.

1:01:29🔗 Drew There is some risk, obviously.

1:01:32🔗 Adam Yeah, but it's minimal.

1:01:33🔗 Drew So what is it?

1:01:34🔗 Adam How long have you had your boyfriend?

1:01:36🔗 Caller We've been together for about seven months.

1:01:37🔗 Drew And is it a close relationship?

1:01:39🔗 Caller Yes.

1:01:40🔗 Drew Good. You got to destroy it.

1:01:41🔗 Adam There you go.

1:01:42🔗 Drew You're on a mission.

1:01:43🔗 Caller Well, that was my question.

1:01:45🔗 Unwritten Law It just seems like, well, he lets me talk to other girls or whatever.

1:01:49🔗 Caller But when he talks to them, I get like really jealous.

1:01:51🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:01:51🔗 Drew That's the end of this relationship.

1:01:53🔗 Adam Hey, Mandy.

1:01:54🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah.

1:01:54🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:01:54🔗 Adam You got to sabotage this thing, right?

1:01:57🔗 Unwritten Law No.

1:01:57🔗 Adam You two are getting a little too close?

1:01:59🔗 Caller No.

1:01:59🔗 Adam Getting a little too uncomfortable?

1:02:00🔗 Caller No.

1:02:01🔗 Adam Come on, baby. You know what I'm talking about, right?

1:02:04🔗 Caller No.

1:02:04🔗 Adam You've done it before.

1:02:06🔗 Caller I have not.

1:02:07🔗 Adam Mandy.

1:02:08🔗 Caller What?

1:02:08🔗 Adam Seriously.

1:02:09🔗 Caller I'm serious.

1:02:10🔗 Adam Where's your dad?

1:02:12🔗 Caller He is with my mom.

1:02:13🔗 Adam Yeah. He didn't leave you?

1:02:14🔗 Caller No.

1:02:14🔗 Adam No ban of it?

1:02:15🔗 Caller No.

1:02:16🔗 Adam Nothing?

1:02:16🔗 Caller No.

1:02:17🔗 Adam Nothing I need to know?

1:02:19🔗 Caller No.

1:02:20🔗 Adam Have you ever had a relationship that you didn't kind of sabotage through cheating or something like that?

1:02:25🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:02:25🔗 Adam You have?

1:02:26🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:02:26🔗 Drew What happened?

1:02:26🔗 Unwritten Law What happened?

1:02:28🔗 Caller Basically, I was with a guy for 10 years.

1:02:32🔗 Unwritten Law 10 years.

1:02:33🔗 Caller And his mom was really abusive to him and he was abusive to me.

1:02:37🔗 Drew See, unless the guy is abusive, I sabotage.

1:02:39🔗 Adam This guy is not abusive.

1:02:41🔗 Drew This guy is good.

1:02:42🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:02:42🔗 Adam He is a good guy.

1:02:43🔗 Drew He got to sabotage.

1:02:43🔗 Adam You are going to sabotage it. You sure your dad wasn't abusive?

1:02:46🔗 Caller No, he wasn't.

1:02:47🔗 Drew Your mom wasn't?

1:02:48🔗 Unwritten Law No.

1:02:49🔗 Adam Why were you with a guy for 10 years who was abusive?

1:02:52🔗 Caller I don't know why.

1:02:54🔗 Caller It got to be something.

1:02:55🔗 Unwritten Law My parents, they have kind of a chaotic relationship. They argue a lot, but it's not physically abusive.

1:03:02🔗 Adam Anyone do any boozing?

1:03:03🔗 Unwritten Law No.

1:03:04🔗 Drew No, but somebody had an eating disorder.

1:03:06🔗 Adam Eating disorder?

1:03:07🔗 Unwritten Law Well, my mom drank and her dad was an alcoholic.

1:03:11🔗 Adam Right.

1:03:11🔗 Caller Your mom's an alcoholic.

1:03:13🔗 Adam I asked if there's any boozing.

1:03:14🔗 Caller Well, he drank while she was going to school, but it wasn't like for a long time.

1:03:19🔗 Adam Just during class time?

1:03:21🔗 Caller Just when you woke up.

1:03:22🔗 Caller No, after class.

1:03:23🔗 Adam You got to cope. Those are pretty long classes sometimes. Hey, Mandy?

1:03:27🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:03:27🔗 Adam All right. I know we do this with every call, but this is the cause, believe me. Your parents went from perfect parents to pretty chaotic. They got a lot of arguments and now your mom is an alcoholic, and her dad is an alcoholic. You hooked up with the guy. Was this guy an alcoholic?

1:03:46🔗 Drew The abusive guy.

1:03:46🔗 Unwritten Law He drinks a lot.

1:03:47🔗 Caller We both drink a lot.

1:03:49🔗 Adam The guy you're with now?

1:03:50🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah.

1:03:50🔗 Adam But what about the abusive guy?

1:03:53🔗 Caller Yeah, we drink.

1:03:54🔗 Drew Are you doing any other drugs besides alcohol yourself?

1:03:56🔗 Unwritten Law Well, my ex, he did marijuana a lot.

1:04:00🔗 Drew You aren't doing anything else right now?

1:04:01🔗 Unwritten Law No.

1:04:02🔗 Adam All right. Mandy?

1:04:03🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah.

1:04:04🔗 Adam Have your threesome. It's going to screw up the relationship, but that's what you're looking for anyways.

1:04:08🔗 Caller But I don't want that to happen though.

1:04:09🔗 Drew Well, then don't do it.

1:04:10🔗 Adam That's what's going to happen.

1:04:12🔗 Drew Then commit yourself.

1:04:12🔗 Unwritten Law But I've always wanted to be with another girl though.

1:04:15🔗 Drew You've never done that?

1:04:16🔗 Unwritten Law No. I didn't kind of, but I want to really do it.

1:04:19🔗 Adam All right. Well, you're going to really do it. Don't worry. Go ahead. Have fun.

1:04:24🔗 Caller Yeah, but I don't want to ruin my relationship.

1:04:26🔗 Adam Well, then don't do it. That's it because it's going to screw things up. It will. And one of the reasons it's going to screw things up is because that's why you're doing it. You don't even know it. Trust me. You're going to get mad at him. Listen, here's what's going to happen. You guys can have a few boozes. You're all going to get naked. You're going to dive in. Next thing you know, he's going to be doing something to her, and you'll never get that picture out of your head. It'll bother you for a few months. You'll rail on him. You guys will break up, and then you'll have what you'd set out to do. All right?

1:04:59🔗 Caller Okay.

1:05:00🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

1:05:01🔗 Adam Boy.

1:05:01🔗 Caller All right.

1:05:02🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

1:05:02🔗 Adam But listen, you may break up anyway, so might as well have the threes.

1:05:06🔗 Unwritten Law All right, goofball.

1:05:07🔗 Adam Listen, I know she's trying to sabotage this one.

1:05:10🔗 Drew Of course she is.

1:05:12🔗 Adam Because that's what happens. She's with an abusive guy for ten years, and now this guy's too nice, and she can't handle that. It's weird, but it's true. Where the hell are we here, Drew?

1:05:23🔗 Drew You do both of them simultaneously.

1:05:25🔗 Adam Wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah, Drew, you do this. I've only been here four years. I can't figure it out. Hang on there. Okay. Genevieve? Hi, Drew. Figure that out. Oh, seven. Genevieve? Uh-oh. I'm still here. Drew hung up on her. Maggie?

1:05:42🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:05:43🔗 Adam All right. So we got your friend Genevieve on the phone. I think we're going to get her back on the phone.

1:05:47🔗 Caller Okay.

1:05:47🔗 Adam Now, can she do this consistently?

1:05:50🔗 Drew On what line? There's no seven.

1:05:51🔗 Adam She's on line eight now.

1:05:52🔗 Drew That's fine.

1:05:53🔗 Adam Well, no, you screwed up the first time. Genevieve?

1:05:57🔗 Unwritten Law Hello?

1:05:58🔗 Adam Genevieve? Okay. See, when I yell your name, you answer, right?

1:06:03🔗 Caller I did.

1:06:03🔗 Adam Okay. Can you do this forced fart thing?

1:06:07🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:06:08🔗 Adam You can?

1:06:08🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:06:09🔗 Adam Wow.

1:06:10🔗 Caller Unacceptable.

1:06:11🔗 Adam Hey Genevieve?

1:06:12🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:06:12🔗 Adam How old are you?

1:06:13🔗 Caller 17.

1:06:14🔗 Adam I like to take you to the prom.

1:06:17🔗 Caller You want to?

1:06:17🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah.

1:06:17🔗 Adam You got a prom coming up?

1:06:19🔗 Unwritten Law In front of mom?

1:06:20🔗 Caller In May.

1:06:21🔗 Adam In May?

1:06:22🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:06:23🔗 Adam I can wait. Now, how long have you been able to do this?

1:06:29🔗 Caller About two years.

1:06:30🔗 Adam About two years. How did you stumble on to this?

1:06:33🔗 Caller I was listening to the radio and some guy called up and could do it, so I tried it.

1:06:38🔗 Adam Oh, really?

1:06:39🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:06:39🔗 Adam All right. Well, can you think you can squeeze one off for us now? Yeah.

1:06:43🔗 Caller I've been practicing.

1:06:46🔗 Adam Oh, you've been honing your skills. All right. Well, we'll sit by and wait. All right?

1:06:50🔗 Caller Okay.

1:06:50🔗 Caller Hold on a second. I heard it.

1:06:58🔗 Unwritten Law I heard it. That's a little one.

1:07:01🔗 Caller Okay.

1:07:01🔗 Caller I think I can do it.

1:07:03🔗 Adam Was that it?

1:07:04🔗 Unwritten Law No, no.

1:07:05🔗 Unwritten Law That was just sucking in.

1:07:06🔗 Adam Oh, okay. Hold on.

1:07:13🔗 Caller Wow.

1:07:14🔗 Unwritten Law That was better than the guy's one.

1:07:16🔗 Adam Chalk one up for the ladies.

1:07:18🔗 Caller Did you crap your pants?

1:07:20🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:07:21🔗 Adam Genevieve, you are getting the hotline. And we're going to have ourselves a... We'll give you the hotline number. We'll have a little battle of the sexes. You just laid down the gauntlet there. I mean, that's a direct challenge.

1:07:33🔗 Unwritten Law That was the best one so far.

1:07:34🔗 Adam I know young Tyler's listening, our 15-year-old male farder.

1:07:38🔗 Caller Yeah, I've been listening to it.

1:07:40🔗 Caller Wow. Me and Maggie have been trying to call in, but...

1:07:43🔗 Adam I finally got through. Hey, Maggie, there's a finder's fee. We're going to send you out a T-shirt or something. Hey, Genevieve, you think you could squeeze one more off?

1:07:55🔗 Caller Yeah, I'll try.

1:07:55🔗 Adam All right. We'll just sit tight.

1:07:57🔗 Caller All right.

1:07:58🔗 Adam All right. How much time do you need?

1:08:00🔗 Caller Oh, okay.

1:08:01🔗 Caller Make it a big one.

1:08:04🔗 Caller Okay, here it comes.

1:08:07🔗 Caller Oh, that one's stuck. Hold on.

1:08:09🔗 Caller All right. Come on.

1:08:13🔗 No.

1:08:15🔗 Adam That's a little light there.

1:08:16🔗 Caller Yeah, wait. I'll get a good one.

1:08:18🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

1:08:18🔗 Adam Should we put you on hold or...? You all right?

1:08:22🔗 Unwritten Law You can do it.

1:08:22🔗 Caller Yeah, I'll try one more and then you can just put me on hold if it doesn't work out. Hold on.

1:08:26🔗 Adam Okay. I'll just sit back.

1:08:33🔗 Unwritten Law Come on.

1:08:35🔗 Unwritten Law Uh, it's not working.

1:08:36🔗 Adam Hey, Genevieve.

1:08:37🔗 Caller Yeah?

1:08:37🔗 Adam Uh, the guys are real disappointed. Come on.

1:08:41🔗 Caller I'll do it again. Hold on.

1:08:42🔗 Adam Oh, I know. Hold on a second. Genevieve?

1:08:43🔗 Yeah?

1:08:44🔗 Adam Why don't you, uh, you know, relax a sphincter a little, have a drink, have a glass of water? You got it?

1:08:50🔗 In one second.

1:08:50🔗 Adam You got it? Yeah.

1:08:53🔗 Unwritten Law Here we go.

1:08:58🔗 Caller That was awesome.

1:08:59🔗 Adam All right.

1:09:00🔗 Caller Hold on.

1:09:01🔗 Caller Crack.

1:09:02🔗 Adam Hey, we're moving in the right direction, Genevieve. That just, you know, it was a little lighter than what you had at the top.

1:09:08🔗 Caller Oh, and did Maggie tell you that she loves Anderson? Yeah. I think he's so funny.

1:09:12🔗 Adam Oh, really?

1:09:13🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:09:14🔗 Caller Even though he doesn't like farts, but you know.

1:09:15🔗 Adam I knew this day would come eventually. I was never prepared for it.

1:09:18🔗 Caller And we love you too.

1:09:19🔗 Adam Oh, there you go. All right. Hey, Genevieve, I'll tell you what. I'm going to put you on hold.

1:09:25🔗 Caller Okay.

1:09:26🔗 Adam All right. I want you to just kind of shake it loose. You know what I mean? Just relax. See what you can suck up. All right. I'll take a call and I'll get back with you. Okay?

1:09:36🔗 Caller Okay.

1:09:37🔗 Adam So, I'll give you a couple of minutes.

1:09:38🔗 Caller All right.

1:09:38🔗 Adam All right?

1:09:39🔗 Caller I'll practice.

1:09:39🔗 Adam All right. Hang on. Unacceptable. I just hit the hold here, Drew. Is that it? All right. Let me just take a quick call. Let's see what Jennifer has worked up for us. Nikki?

1:09:50🔗 Yeah.

1:09:51🔗 Adam You're 23 years old?

1:09:53🔗 Caller Yep.

1:09:53🔗 Adam What's up?

1:09:55🔗 Caller Well, I've had this crush on this guy for like three years, and I'm really, really nervous, but I'm thinking about asking him out, and I just wanted some good tips for a good date.

1:10:05🔗 Adam You've known the guy?

1:10:05🔗 Caller And a good way to go about it.

1:10:07🔗 Adam You've known the guy for three years?

1:10:08🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:10:09🔗 Drew And does he know you're interested?

1:10:12🔗 Caller Well, we're not real good friends. We used to go to school together, and now he doesn't go to that school, but I still see him once in a while. So he kind of knows who I am and stuff, but he doesn't necessarily know I'm interested.

1:10:22🔗 Adam How come he's never asked you out?

1:10:25🔗 Caller Well, I don't know.

1:10:27🔗 Adam All right.

1:10:28🔗 Caller I guess he's really shy, and we have a mutual friend that says that he just would never just go. I mean, he's just real shy.

1:10:35🔗 Adam What's the mutual friend say he thinks of you though?

1:10:39🔗 Caller Well, she told him one time that I was interested in getting to know him a little better, and he said that was cool, but then nothing ever came of it, because he lives a little, he lives like half an hour.

1:10:48🔗 Unwritten Law Here's what you do.

1:10:49🔗 Adam Oh, half an hour.

1:10:50🔗 Drew Well, here's the deal. You use your friend with a little more reconnaissance, a little more information.

1:10:55🔗 Unwritten Law Okay.

1:10:56🔗 Drew You make it clear that you want to go out with him and see what kind of reach he gets from him. And if she gets any kind of green light, then don't worry about it. Just do whatever you do.

1:11:04🔗 Caller She wants to hook us up.

1:11:05🔗 Drew Yeah, but you got to find out what's going on with him.

1:11:07🔗 Adam Yeah, she does, but I don't think he does.

1:11:09🔗 Drew Yeah, we don't think he wants to go out.

1:11:11🔗 Adam What?

1:11:12🔗 Caller She has her husband and her want us to get hooked up.

1:11:16🔗 Adam Oh, I see. Or her husband, too. Oh, no, that's different. That's two. That's two against one.

1:11:21🔗 Caller Yeah. See, and I totally feel like it's going to be a good thing, but I don't know.

1:11:26🔗 Adam I didn't know her husband wanted it, too.

1:11:28🔗 Drew Nikki.

1:11:28🔗 Adam Hey, Nikki. Yeah? First off, you're 23?

1:11:33🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:11:33🔗 Adam Yeah, this ain't junior high.

1:11:35🔗 Caller I know.

1:11:36🔗 Adam He may not be interested in going out with you, even if your friend and her husband and their kid and one of their kid's friends is interested in you two going out, he still may not want to go out with you. Do you understand that?

1:11:49🔗 Drew You need to find out if he's interested clearly, and if he's interested, then whatever you do, it's fine.

1:11:54🔗 Adam Talk to the friend first.

1:11:56🔗 Drew The friend's got to figure this out.

1:11:57🔗 Adam Let me explain how guys work. When they meet a girl who they're attracted to, they will usually figure out a way to ask them out or go out with them. Especially when they have a mutual friend who they can kind of shake down for a little info. And when that mutual friend comes up to them and says, this really hot chick, she's kind of interested. And the guy goes, yeah, all right, we'll see what happens. That ain't interested. I mean, close your eyes for a second, guys. If you're single and there's a friend that's really hot and your mutual friend comes over and says, hey, guess who's interested? You're on it that night. I mean, there's no, you know, that was six months ago. There's no like, yeah, well, we'll see what happens. No, no. And women, women sometimes don't know this. Guys know. They play stupid. But if they're interested, believe me, they're on it. But then there is the fact that the husband wants them to get together. Our callers have the most retarded logic I've ever heard in my life. All right. I want to talk to where the hell is Genevieve? Hold on a second. Hold on. Genevieve?

1:13:07🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:13:08🔗 Adam You got a fart worked up?

1:13:09🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:13:09🔗 Caller Hold on.

1:13:09🔗 Adam All right.

1:13:10🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

1:13:19🔗 Caller Did you hear it?

1:13:20🔗 Adam Yeah. I heard a little groan. I did. Anderson, you got to shut everyone's mics off because we start tackling it when she's sucking in and then we miss the crescendo. Hold on a second there, Genevieve. All right. Because we got to take a break. All right. I know. Work something else up. Okay? We're going to come back for a big finish. All right? Okay. All right. Hang on there. Unwritten Law is here tonight. We're going to take a little break. We'll hear something else off of their CD. We'll do all that after that. Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam and that is Drew. Stephen Wade are both here from Unwritten Law. We'll hear something else off the Unwritten Law CD in just a minute. We'll check back in with Genevieve and see if she's worked something else. Now, let's all stay off these mics and see if we can give her a little space here. Genevieve?

1:14:38🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah.

1:14:39🔗 Adam Genevieve can fart on command. Have you worked up something, Genevieve?

1:14:44🔗 Caller Yeah, I had to go to the bathroom actually.

1:14:47🔗 Adam Oh, okay.

1:14:48🔗 Caller So, I'm ready.

1:14:49🔗 Adam Number two?

1:14:51🔗 Caller No.

1:14:51🔗 Adam No, number one.

1:14:52🔗 Caller I just got a little nervous.

1:14:53🔗 Adam What are you wearing, Genevieve?

1:14:56🔗 Caller My boxers and old football shirt.

1:14:58🔗 Adam Okay. That's sexy. I just don't want you wearing something that would be too obstructive.

1:15:04🔗 Unwritten Law No.

1:15:04🔗 Adam All right, we're going to lean back and let you do your thing, all right?

1:15:08🔗 Unwritten Law All right. All right. Here it goes.

1:15:20🔗 Adam Yes, pay dirt, pay f-ing dirt. Oh, baby, that is beautiful. Hey, do you have an older sister?

1:15:30🔗 Caller I actually have two.

1:15:32🔗 Adam Do they?

1:15:33🔗 Caller They can't do it.

1:15:35🔗 Adam Are you sure?

1:15:38🔗 Caller I'm pretty sure.

1:15:39🔗 Caller Wow.

1:15:39🔗 Caller I've had my brother and all his friends try to do it, but they can't either.

1:15:43🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:15:44🔗 Unwritten Law Do you like to do it? Do you like to do it?

1:15:47🔗 Caller Well, I don't know. It's funny.

1:15:49🔗 Unwritten Law It's fun, huh?

1:15:50🔗 Caller Yeah. I don't know. I do it for my friends sometimes.

1:15:53🔗 Caller I think it's going to go. That's awesome.

1:15:54🔗 Unwritten Law Nothing wrong with that.

1:15:57🔗 Adam All right. Now, do you need time or can we hear one more?

1:16:00🔗 Caller I can do it again.

1:16:01🔗 Adam I do it again.

1:16:01🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

1:16:01🔗 Adam This is one more. One more for the run.

1:16:03🔗 Caller This one's for you.

1:16:04🔗 Adam All right. All right. You know, the funny part is like, her dad's going to be using the phone like a half hour ago. Jesus, someone is on this phone. What the? Dear Lord, what? Judas Priest, what is going on with this phone? All right. We got to give Genevieve the hotline number, Lisa, because she is the yang to Tyler's yin.

1:16:38🔗 Unwritten Law Unacceptable.

1:16:40🔗 Adam Well, for a gal, she packs quite a wallop. And you know, I'm initially attracted to her because of her unique abilities, but I might start feeling a little inadequate around her.

1:16:51🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:16:51🔗 Adam And I pride myself on farting, Drew. And I don't know if I can have a woman who would just peel one off after each, you know, match me fart for fart.

1:16:59🔗 Drew Right. But you can always sort of assert yourself with a nice, a nice lit display.

1:17:04🔗 Adam Oh, that's right. They can't light them like I can. Thanks, Drew. See, Drew, you always know what to say when I feel a little down, a little insecure. You step right up. I like that. All right. Let's hear something from Unwritten Law off of their Unwritten Law CD. This one's called Underground. All righty, that is Unwritten Law, that is Underground. I like that song. You know what song Scott's got? It's got the hi-hat thing, you know, the tink-a-tink-a-tink-a-thing. Tambourine.

1:20:39🔗 Drew Cowbell.

1:20:39🔗 Unwritten Law Cowbell.

1:20:40🔗 Adam Is that the cowbell? No, it wasn't a cowbell.

1:20:43🔗 Unwritten Law No, no, no, no.

1:20:45🔗 Drew The bongos?

1:20:45🔗 Unwritten Law What was that?

1:20:46🔗 Adam No, the tink-a-tink-a-tink. What the hell?

1:20:49🔗 Unwritten Law Hey, you know.

1:20:49🔗 Caller Tink-a-tink-a-tink.

1:20:51🔗 Adam Yeah, the part where you're hittin the hi-hat, but not the kshh. No, not the kshh, not that one. And not the... It's like you're hittin it too close to where the stamp goes through it or something. What is that you're hittin?

1:21:05🔗 Caller Like ride cymbal, like close to the bell.

1:21:08🔗 Adam Oh, close to the bell. Yeah, it makes a tink sound instead of the kshh sound. Yeah, I like that. Correct. I miss that. That's missing from rock and roll, you know. Oh, it is. Yeah, it used to be all over the place. Now it's gone. I like that.

1:21:21🔗 Unwritten Law All the good drummers who did it are dead.

1:21:23🔗 Adam That's right. That's a good song.

1:21:25🔗 Unwritten Law I like that.

1:21:27🔗 Adam Jake?

1:21:27🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah.

1:21:28🔗 Adam You're 18 years old?

1:21:30🔗 Unwritten Law That's true.

1:21:30🔗 Adam All right. What's up with you?

1:21:32🔗 Unwritten Law Well, I'm really not really turned on by normal porn.

1:21:35🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:21:36🔗 Unwritten Law I'm pretty much the only thing I really find really interesting anymore is the Japanese drawing porn.

1:21:42🔗 Adam Really?

1:21:43🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah.

1:21:44🔗 Adam Hey, Drew? Easy on the corn there, buddy.

1:21:46🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah. I'm curious. Is that okay?

1:21:50🔗 Unwritten Law Wait.

1:21:50🔗 Adam Remember when we had that conversation? That's like ADD. He's going for a second health then.

1:21:57🔗 Unwritten Law That's the disorder. Right.

1:21:58🔗 Adam Hold on. Listen, remember we had the popcorn discussion during the song there, guys? Okay.

1:22:04🔗 Caller Jake? Yeah.

1:22:07🔗 Adam You got to be one of those Dungeons and Dragons geeks?

1:22:10🔗 Unwritten Law Oh, yes.

1:22:11🔗 Adam Yeah. I can smell those guys a mile away.

1:22:14🔗 Unwritten Law My friends keep saying I'm crazy. I don't know if that ties in.

1:22:16🔗 Adam Yeah. Listen, you should not be watching MasterBand of Cartoons unless it's She-Ra Lord of the Jungle. She was hot. I was into her.

1:22:26🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah, but that was American. That doesn't meet my standards.

1:22:28🔗 Adam Well, why don't you compromise and watch some Asian porn?

1:22:32🔗 Unwritten Law There you go. Again, one more thing, is the comics are a lot more easy to acquire.

1:22:38🔗 Drew Why do your parents-

1:22:39🔗 Adam Do you watch videos or you just look at pictures?

1:22:41🔗 Unwritten Law Oh, the pictures.

1:22:42🔗 Drew Why do your friends say you're crazy?

1:22:44🔗 Unwritten Law Because I tell them the stories I made up and they say it has no point. They're generally right, but I thought they were funny.

1:22:51🔗 Adam Right. Hold on a second. Wade, don't eat any more popcorn. Hold on. Just don't put it in your mouth. All right. Shut Wade's mic off. There, it's off. Your mic's off. Jake?

1:23:02🔗 Caller Yeah?

1:23:04🔗 Adam Sorry. I was obsessed with Wade and his popcorn.

1:23:06🔗 Unwritten Law That's okay. I'm still waving my microphone.

1:23:08🔗 Adam Listen, this is what you like, right?

1:23:09🔗 Unwritten Law What?

1:23:10🔗 Adam You like the JAP porn, right?

1:23:12🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

1:23:12🔗 Adam Well, then just masturbate and have a good time.

1:23:15🔗 Unwritten Law Okay.

1:23:16🔗 Adam All right. But don't tell the ladies about this, okay?

1:23:20🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah. Okay.

1:23:21🔗 Adam Certain sort of spooky human disconnect. You don't have a girlfriend, do you, Jake?

1:23:26🔗 Unwritten Law No.

1:23:27🔗 Adam No.

1:23:27🔗 Drew Have you ever had one?

1:23:28🔗 Unwritten Law No, actually, I've never had one.

1:23:30🔗 Drew You don't have a girlfriend.

1:23:30🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

1:23:31🔗 Adam Jake? Yeah. Easy on the D&D, easy on the J&P. That's the Japanese porn. Easy on the LSD and find yourself a real live woman, all right?

1:23:42🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

1:23:43🔗 Unwritten Law All right. All right.

1:23:44🔗 Adam I know. As much as you hate to actually go out and live in the real world, I think you're going to have to do it eventually.

1:23:48🔗 Unwritten Law Damn it.

1:23:49🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

1:23:50🔗 Adam You know, guys don't have to do it anymore because of computers and all this amazing graphics and illustrations and videos and all this and the Internet and ISDN lines and cable and stuff. You can sort of just get lost in your own little world and be pretty entertained. I mean, you can masturbate all day long looking at the Internet. You can play D&D with all your buddies across the country, across the world over the computer. I mean, you have discs and cassettes and I mean, you don't have to go anywhere anymore. I mean, it was just, Drew, it's like you either look at black and white porn or go out and find yourself some live trim, right? Thank God you chose to hit the road. All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Mike. Mike is 20, use a Saran wrap instead of a condom. We'll find out who his health teacher was after this.

1:24:47🔗 Caller Let's have some more fun.

1:24:49🔗 Okay, let's do it.

1:24:51🔗 Unwritten Law Call Loveline 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:24:55🔗 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:24:57🔗 Caller Well, here's how it's sampled.

1:25:31🔗 Adam Yeah, it's Loveline.

1:25:32🔗 Unwritten Law I'm Adam.

1:25:33🔗 Adam That's Drew. Steven Wade are both here from Unwritten Law. We are going to hop back on the phones and see what we can't get done. Mike?

1:25:40🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah.

1:25:40🔗 Adam You're 20.

1:25:42🔗 Caller Yeah, about a week ago, I was having sex with my girlfriend and we couldn't get a hold of a condom. So we used Saran Wrap, and I was wondering if that worked just as well as a condom.

1:25:54🔗 Adam No. Did the microwave damage your penis at all?

1:25:59🔗 Caller No.

1:26:00🔗 Caller Are you stupid or something?

1:26:02🔗 Adam Listen, how does the Saran Wrap work? Do you incorporate a rubber band with that or how do you do it?

1:26:09🔗 Caller You just put it in the middle and just wrap it over.

1:26:14🔗 Drew Didn't that hurt her?

1:26:15🔗 Caller No, I don't think so.

1:26:16🔗 Unwritten Law Can't you feel anything?

1:26:17🔗 Caller You can't feel your penis.

1:26:19🔗 Caller It feels a little bit different.

1:26:21🔗 Adam I banged this chick one time wearing Tupperware, but that was just close. I took one of those long Tupperware Tumbler cups with the snap lead. I put that around the Johnson and then I took a bungee cord and I just pulled it around my ass and snapped it on the other side.

1:26:36🔗 Drew That makes perfect sense.

1:26:37🔗 Unwritten Law I put a can of peanut butter up a chick's ass.

1:26:41🔗 Adam Oh, really?

1:26:41🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah, like a small ball. That's nice.

1:26:47🔗 Adam Drew, you want to share?

1:26:49🔗 Unwritten Law What have you done to some chick's ass?

1:26:52🔗 Adam Did you put one of those big sticks up that chick's ass at one time?

1:26:55🔗 Caller Oh, a football bat.

1:26:57🔗 Drew I've had anal sex.

1:26:58🔗 Adam Oh, Drew. Hey, Mike. Yeah. What happened? Did you have an orgasm?

1:27:02🔗 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:27:03🔗 Adam Uh-huh. And it was fresh for days, right? Yeah. Seriously, did it come out at the end?

1:27:10🔗 Caller No, I didn't see anything, but I was just wondering if it was like-

1:27:13🔗 Drew How long ago did this happen?

1:27:14🔗 Caller About a week ago.

1:27:16🔗 Adam All right. Here's the scary part, Mike. With your genes, if you have a kid, do you understand? It may be like retarded or something. You have the mother and father of this child who was conceived on Saran Wrap. Do you know what I mean? Talk about starting off in a hole. I mean, you think this kid's bound for Brown or Harvard? His dad was using Saran Wrap. Nancy, you're 16. Your parents won't let you go out to concerts because sex and drugs are there? All right. Now they have a very, very valid point. Where else are we here?

1:28:01🔗 Caller Rob?

1:28:02🔗 Caller Hello?

1:28:03🔗 Adam You're 16.

1:28:04🔗 Caller Yes.

1:28:05🔗 Adam Yeah. What's up?

1:28:06🔗 Caller OK. Every time I go to have sex with my boyfriend, just about every time I go down, I go limp.

1:28:13🔗 Adam You go limp?

1:28:14🔗 Caller In the middle of it.

1:28:15🔗 Adam Maybe your penis isn't gay.

1:28:18🔗 Drew How old is your boyfriend?

1:28:19🔗 Caller 17.

1:28:21🔗 Adam What are you doing?

1:28:23🔗 Caller Everything.

1:28:25🔗 Adam Is your behindman intact?

1:28:27🔗 Caller Yes.

1:28:28🔗 Adam It is?

1:28:29🔗 Caller Yes.

1:28:29🔗 Adam Well, you're not doing everything then, are you? How's his behindman?

1:28:34🔗 Caller Popped.

1:28:34🔗 Adam Popped. Did you pop it?

1:28:36🔗 Caller No.

1:28:37🔗 Adam Some son of a bitch got there before you did?

1:28:39🔗 Unwritten Law Well, popped his ass?

1:28:40🔗 Adam Yeah. Oh. And so you're doing the driving then, right?

1:28:46🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:28:47🔗 Adam And you're not able to maintain your erection?

1:28:51🔗 Caller That's right.

1:28:52🔗 Adam About halfway into it?

1:28:53🔗 Caller Yeah, like right before.

1:28:55🔗 Adam Like right before you get in there?

1:28:57🔗 Caller No, like right before I'm done.

1:29:00🔗 Adam Right before you're done?

1:29:01🔗 Caller Right before I ejaculate.

1:29:03🔗 Adam The erection goes away. But how do you know because you don't ejaculate, right?

1:29:07🔗 Caller I can feel it coming. Like the feeling right at the start.

1:29:10🔗 Drew Interesting.

1:29:11🔗 Adam Interesting. What's going on in the background there, Rob?

1:29:14🔗 Caller Oh, it's my stereo. Sorry.

1:29:15🔗 Caller Hey, goofball.

1:29:17🔗 Adam And she's got the eraser turned up too loud. Rob?

1:29:21🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah?

1:29:22🔗 Adam Do you wear condom?

1:29:23🔗 Caller Sometimes. The times that I've wore a condom, it goes down. But the times I don't, it stays.

1:29:32🔗 Adam The times you don't wear the condom?

1:29:33🔗 Caller Yes.

1:29:34🔗 Drew So does something to do with the condom?

1:29:35🔗 Caller I guess. I don't know.

1:29:36🔗 Adam Yeah. Hey, Rob?

1:29:37🔗 Caller Yeah?

1:29:38🔗 Adam Let me ask you something about the gay lifestyle. When you're going to engage in this, does he clean himself out in any way?

1:29:45🔗 Caller Yes.

1:29:45🔗 Adam He use a bottle brush or does he just go to the bathroom or how does that work?

1:29:50🔗 Caller He takes a shower.

1:29:52🔗 Adam Takes a shower, but the water don't get up in there, does it? I mean, he may have something in there.

1:29:59🔗 Caller I don't know.

1:30:00🔗 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:30:02🔗 Unwritten Law Scrub his doughnut.

1:30:03🔗 Adam Listen, I'm telling you, before I sodomize a guy, I would have him lie down on the ground and I would jump on his belly, like it was an old toothpaste container. I was going to turn him inside out and take him to coin up car wash and hose him down. I swear to Christ, I'd take one of those luffas with the stick on it, I'd put it in that blue stuff that the barber shop has, and I go right up the ass with it. Then I'd ring that thing like a dinner triangle, and then and only then. Right, Drew?

1:30:32🔗 Drew Then he'd be done.

1:30:34🔗 Adam Jesus.

1:30:35🔗 Unwritten Law Dush his ass.

1:30:36🔗 Adam Oh, that just packing in the poo, it just...

1:30:41🔗 Unwritten Law Packing the fudge.

1:30:42🔗 Adam It just boggles the mind. All right, so he's got to wear the condom, though, right?

1:30:47🔗 Drew Yeah, to be safe. Maybe they should go back to oral sex or something a little less...

1:30:52🔗 Adam Right, all right, all right. Just stick with the basics. Come on, you're very young. Stick with the oral sex.

1:30:57🔗 Caller That's it, go big.

1:30:58🔗 Unwritten Law Ram them hard, buddy.

1:31:00🔗 Adam Greg?

1:31:01🔗 Caller Yes.

1:31:02🔗 Adam You're 17?

1:31:03🔗 Caller Yep.

1:31:03🔗 Adam Your girlfriend likes the rough sex?

1:31:06🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:31:07🔗 Adam Yeah?

1:31:07🔗 Caller And, I mean, like, she just has normal bracelets and stuff, and, I mean, she likes me to pin her arms down into where the base is, like, embed into her wrist, and I was wondering if that's normal or...

1:31:20🔗 Adam Yeah, is she scaring you a little bit?

1:31:23🔗 Caller Yeah, a little bit. I mean, it's kind of fun, but I was wondering, like, by me doing that, is that kind of, like, messed her up mentally or anything?

1:31:30🔗 Adam Well, she's probably already...

1:31:32🔗 Drew Already messed up.

1:31:33🔗 Adam The work has probably been done, Gray. Did you have to do it every time?

1:31:37🔗 Caller No.

1:31:37🔗 Adam No?

1:31:38🔗 Caller No, I mean, it's just been real recently or whatever.

1:31:42🔗 Adam Why don't you just ask her what she thinks is motivating her? Did anyone beat on her?

1:31:47🔗 Caller Um, in the past.

1:31:50🔗 Drew All right.

1:31:51🔗 Adam I'm sure that has no effect on this, so. Yeah, Gray, that's probably where this is from.

1:31:55🔗 Drew Lucky question there, Adam.

1:31:56🔗 Adam Right. All right, Gray?

1:31:57🔗 Unwritten Law Yeah. All right.

1:31:58🔗 Adam She may be a handful of this one, you know. Don't get her pregnant.

1:32:02🔗 Caller I won't.

1:32:03🔗 Adam Will you use birth control?

1:32:05🔗 Caller I use a condom.

1:32:06🔗 Adam You do?

1:32:07🔗 Drew I keep the morning after pill around and prevent or plan B.

1:32:10🔗 Adam All right. Keep some saran wrap by the bed too, all right?

1:32:14🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

1:32:16🔗 Adam Rachel.

1:32:16🔗 Drew Wrap the fetus in?

1:32:17🔗 Adam That's right. It's gross, Drew. Jesus.

1:32:21🔗 Caller You know I got masturbation.

1:32:24🔗 Adam Not so close to masturbation time. Rachel?

1:32:27🔗 Drew Yeah?

1:32:27🔗 Adam You're 16. You suffer panic attacks?

1:32:30🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:32:30🔗 Adam You try to talk to guys?

1:32:32🔗 Drew Yeah. You just get real nervous. Yeah.

1:32:33🔗 Caller Right now, I'm nervous.

1:32:35🔗 Adam It's all right. Rachel? You're all right. A lot of 16-year-olds do this. Yeah.

1:32:42🔗 Drew Well, all of them.

1:32:43🔗 Adam Yeah. Don't freak yourself out. Let's smoke some pot. Bring some wine. All right?

1:32:47🔗 Drew Hey.

1:32:48🔗 Adam Red wine? Red wine's good for you, isn't it?

1:32:50🔗 Drew Let's go to break.

1:32:51🔗 Adam Amy?

1:32:52🔗 Caller Unacceptable.

1:32:52🔗 Adam You're 25. Amy?

1:32:56🔗 Caller Oh, yes.

1:32:56🔗 Adam Yes. You have a bump above your clitoris?

1:32:59🔗 Caller Yes. It's kind of like right below where the pubic hair begins. And like for the past four months, it's been like itching.

1:33:10🔗 Adam What? Amy, what part of Orange County?

1:33:13🔗 Caller Skin a buck.

1:33:14🔗 Adam What part of Orange County are you from?

1:33:17🔗 Caller I'm not from Orange County.

1:33:18🔗 Adam Oh. Where are you calling from?

1:33:20🔗 Caller From Kentucky. Ah.

1:33:22🔗 Adam That's what I like. And Drew, what is that? What is that bump above the clitoris?

1:33:25🔗 Drew I don't know, but I don't know why you've let it go. Why you don't have your doctor take a look at it?

1:33:28🔗 Adam Amy?

1:33:29🔗 Caller What it is, it doesn't itch constantly.

1:33:32🔗 Drew The doctor needs to look at it, Amy.

1:33:34🔗 Caller Well, see, I went to the health department and they said that-

1:33:38🔗 Adam They shut your vagina down? Okay. Yeah, you went to the health department.

1:33:43🔗 Caller Yes, and the doctor said that they didn't know of anything that was wrong, that maybe I was just allergic to the detergent we're using or the-

1:33:56🔗 Adam Did he look at it?

1:33:58🔗 Caller Yes.

1:33:59🔗 Adam He did.

1:34:00🔗 Caller But see, the bump wasn't there then.

1:34:02🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

1:34:02🔗 Caller It just came about a month ago.

1:34:04🔗 Unwritten Law All right.

1:34:04🔗 Caller Do you have your thumbs?

1:34:06🔗 Adam She needs to- Oh, please.

1:34:08🔗 Drew Some help people.

1:34:09🔗 Adam When it's there.

1:34:11🔗 Caller Funk.

1:34:12🔗 Adam When it comes in, go to the gynecologist, right?

1:34:14🔗 Drew Yes. All right.

1:34:15🔗 Adam We'll be back.

1:34:54🔗 Drew And that just about brings the show to a close. Steve, Wade, Unwritten Law, thanks guys for joining us. Appreciate it.

1:34:59🔗 Adam Thank you.

1:35:00🔗 Drew Adam has flown the coop, and I hope you guys will come back soon. I hope you guys will join me on a webcast at drdrew.com.

1:35:06🔗 Unwritten Law Yes, totally.

1:35:07🔗 Drew We can do that. Set that up time. We had Tommy Leon tonight, in fact.

1:35:09🔗 Unwritten Law Oh, really?

1:35:10🔗 Drew People want to check that out. He'll be on Archives, probably adapter tomorrow. So this is Dr. Drew on behalf of Adam Corolla, signing out and saying mahalo.

1:35:17🔗 Caller Bye.

1:35:18🔗 Caller Made it.

1:35:18🔗 Adam I can deal with the fact that I am gay now. Well, now.

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