0:00🔗
Radio that keeps you up at night. It's Loveline only on W-E-B-N.
0:21🔗
I love our intros.
0:26🔗
These things are great.
0:27🔗
Voiceover
Thank you, Mike. Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, I'm Dr. Drew Adam Corolla, is out fraternizing with the stars. He is a co-host, a special guest host, Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place, and the filming went on longer than they thought it would, and lo and behold, I'm here by myself, which is so far been rather nice. I hope you all are enjoying it. It's a nice break. I strangely kind of miss Adam, but generally I'm elated. So Sarah, you're 20.
0:55🔗
Drew
Fiance, no physical elements, and you're in a psychology student, and you thought I better practice what I'm learning about.
1:06🔗
Caller
Well, I went to the MSTC, and I just told her that I'd just been petrified of doing it. I'm in a very supportive relationship.
1:23🔗
Caller
I just get frightened of the whole thing. We even got really close a couple of times, and I just started crying.
1:30🔗
Caller
See, that's the thing. I have no memories of sexual abuse. I grew up in boarding schools my whole life.
2:00🔗
Drew
I mean, lying in bed at night alone away from home, God knows how far away you were. Was it horrible?
2:07🔗
Drew
All right. All right. That's what I mean. And you see, you're a psychology student, so I expect more of you. You're avoiding all this. You can't even answer those questions straight with me because that must have been very painful.
2:24🔗
Drew
Well, sexuality is just a primitive expression of all kinds of things, right? But understand, if your primary relationships were abandoning, why would you open up and be vulnerable in any other relationship?
2:37🔗
Caller
Well, see, he's been like the first person that I felt really, really close to, so that's kind of the confusing part as well. I don't know if I make any sense here.
2:44🔗
Drew
But I mean, but sex is going all the way in terms of being vulnerable and connecting with somebody and really having being out of control and powerless in a relationship with somebody. And if you're afraid that person is going to be abandoning, it's very hard to lose control. Am I not right?
3:03🔗
Drew
Something like that. Something in there. And by the way, your parents are the kind of people that would send away a seven-year-old. So God knows what you're early.
3:14🔗
Drew
Sarah, I could never ever send my kid at seven to anywhere. I can barely go to work in the morning. That's my pathology. To send them away for months at a time is unthinkable. Unthinkable.
3:28🔗
Drew
Unthinkable. Unfathomable. I can't imagine parents like that. And that's the people that brought you up in intimacy. I mean, excuse me, in infancy. And it may be that there is also some rather rapid abandonment at some point during your early development. In other words, maybe they were able to care for you as an infant, what not, but when you really started to...
3:59🔗
Drew
Oh my God. Hey, listen. It's amazing you're as full and wonderful as you seem to be. Amazing.
4:11🔗
Drew
You're a survivor. But the ultimate task lies ahead and that is the interpersonal experience. And that's where all our craziness always comes out and so it's time. You're 20. You're a psychologist too. There's no accident you're studying that stuff either. But don't be afraid of those painful feelings because getting into those in a safe environment with a good therapist is where the answers are right now.
4:32🔗
Caller
Well, see, that was one of my questions that I had for you is that my therapist actually, she, I don't know if she's saying the same thing here, but she said that I'm kind of creating fear that's not there and I should just go ahead and do...
4:47🔗
Drew
Well, if you can, that's great, that maybe you'll be able to grow through it in the expression in the relationship, but maybe not. And maybe you're forcing something that wouldn't feel so hot to you. I don't know.
5:02🔗
Drew
Oh, forget it. For a minute, for a few more minutes. Anyway, look, he's hung up for two years. He obviously cares very much about you, right?
5:10🔗
Drew
And stay with the therapy, do it for real. If you're gonna be a therapist, is that what you wanna be?
5:17🔗
Drew
Well, you know, you're gonna have to go through this stuff. You gotta get your material out of the way if that's what you're gonna do. And you can look at it as a learning experience. And it's not gonna be very fun. A friend of mine, a psychiatrist said, I'm an internist, I work in psychiatric hospitals, so I'm familiar with all this stuff, but I don't do the work. And a friend of mine, a psychiatrist said, if you're enjoying therapy, something wrong with the therapy, it shouldn't feel good most of the time. It's painful, difficult for the real growth to go forward. Mike, 20.
5:49🔗
Caller
Yeah, that's kind of sad. I really like Adam. He's a funny guy, but it's nice. You're actually getting all your calls today.
5:57🔗
It's just you.
6:03🔗
I can't say that I've ever had the pleasure of meeting a uterus with my penis.
6:09🔗
Caller
I mean, it's a chemical. And I was worrying about the consequences of it and the actuality of it harming you.
6:18🔗
Drew
Well, I'm not familiar with any data that documents exactly what's going on with mushrooms. I can tell you from my clinical experience that essentially all drugs that cause hallucinations as a result of their primary effect on the brain. I want to make sure I'm being clear here. That is to say, if you have a hallucination from a side effect of a medication, I'm not talking about that. But a drug whose effect is only to cause a hallucination, and usually vivid hallucinations, seem to damage brain. All of them. Marijuana is a hallucinogenic in high doses, LSD, psilocybin, mushrooms, peyote, PCP even, ecstasy. These are all drugs that seem to cause brain damage. Now how much, and over what period of time, and is it reporable, and one drug relative to another, we don't have that kind of information. And as a matter of fact, I've never seen anything that I would call damage from mushrooms. Now I don't know if that's because people don't take big enough doses, or use enough of it, or frequently enough, or whatever, but I've not seen it. It concerns me. I believe I'm going to see it, but so far I haven't. Ronnie's 23. Ronnie, what's up?
7:33🔗
Caller
Yeah, I really want to stop cheating on my boyfriend. I haven't now for about six months, but I'm pregnant. That's probably why I haven't. He wants me to get a paternity test. The last time I...
7:56🔗
Drew
Well, if he wants a paternity test, Ronnie, because we had an argument and I went out one night.
8:24🔗
Drew
You can drop for me all the pleasantries about the relationship. Tell me what's wrong with it.
9:24🔗
Caller
Yeah, I don't want... Oh, God, it's terrible. I don't want to... I want to stop. He told me, you know...
9:36🔗
Caller
I think so. I get these flashes. Like, when I sleep with these people, when I cheat on my boyfriend, it's like I feel like I'm a little kid, you know, in my bed, and I can't say no, you know what I mean?
9:49🔗
Drew
Yeah, you're trying to make it get... happen right, finally. Somebody let me empower myself in one of these horrible situations. I've got to do it again until I get it right. Until they love me. Until I have them powerful. And guess what? What? It doesn't work like that. I don't know what... Nobody's ever been able to satisfactorily explain why humans do that. But they do it. I don't know. I can't... I try to think of it from two perspectives.
10:18🔗
That's just why.
10:19🔗
Drew
And secondly, what the hell could the evolutionary advantage of the human species be to be put together like that? And I can't come up with an answer for either. But they do it. And it usually doesn't get better without treatment, Ronnie.
10:39🔗
Caller
Is there some place you could recommend? Because I don't... It's not like I have money or anything.
10:46🔗
Drew
Ah, shoot. I would maybe start at UCLA or Northridge. Oh, UCLA. Start at UCLA. NeuroPsych Institute, and see if they have any pro bono services or know of any community-based services in that area. In Pasadena, there's Foothill Family Services. Okay? That's an excellent organization. Check that out. Maybe you ought to call there first. Foothill Family Services in Pasadena, they, if they can't help it, they can probably refer to somebody who can. And maybe try some support groups, some survivors groups. Do you have any addiction in your family of origin?
11:25🔗
Drew
Okay. Start with the Foothill Family Services. Hopefully, that will be something. If you really want to stop, which most people, when they really want to stop, stop. All right, Joe, 18.
11:39🔗
Caller
My question was basically, it's about unfaithfulness. And basically, I've been looking for a reason, an answer to my own unfaithfulness with my girlfriend. We've been going out for three years, three years. And everyone wants this great relationship that we have. And I'm basically looking for answers. I've been looking for a reason for this. And I was wondering if it could have anything to do with adoption, because you mentioned that earlier.
12:12🔗
Drew
I don't want to casually toss off problems as necessarily related to adoption. I mean, that creates some stuff, but it doesn't have to mean you're going to have trouble in relationships. How many times have you been unfaithful?
12:31🔗
Caller
Basically, I think I'm into this whole saving thing, you know, how you talk about it. And I think I get into that. And basically, I just find a, you know, I look for a bond with a girl that it's something I would be jealous of if she did it. But it's, you know, I don't get very physical with it.
12:47🔗
Drew
Well, Joe, here's my just briefest of interpretations. You're clinging to this relationship. You've been in for three years. You're afraid to leave that. God knows people that do a lot of saving also do a lot of clinging and it may be time to wrap this thing up. It's normal for a relationship that begins at 15 to kind of wrap up and end and go on. So you can really establish yourself as a peer as you become an adult and figure out who you are and what you want in relationships and explore some of these relationships that you want to have. But don't get stuck in these enmeshed relationships where you're clinging and being the nice guy and doing what's perfect and right for the relationship. Get on become an adult figure out what you want. And we will be back. This is Dr. Drew Loveline 1-800-LOVE-E-191. I'm by myself tonight. Adam is out being a star.
13:33🔗
Drew
I'm sure that's what he's doing right now. He is a co-star in Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place. I don't know when they're going to air that, but he will be back tomorrow night. He may even be in here tonight. He was going to try to get, you know, when the shooting is coming over here, but I won't hold my breath. In fact, don't wait. If he buzzes to come in, just lock him out. Forget it. We'll be back in a second.
13:55🔗
We'll be right back.
14:29🔗
Caller
Well, first of all, I'm a lesbian. I've been in three relationships. The first two ended with my partner cheating on me, both of them. This last one was, I felt like the best relationship. Person treated me really well. It was a solid, honest, good relationship.
15:06🔗
Caller
And I was kind of wanting to make some changes in terms of growing, moving forward. I think a little bit more commitment in the relationship. And I think she maybe wasn't.
15:24🔗
Caller
No, no, not like that, but just, we were already living together and just a little bit more solid in terms of the commitment and just wanting to do some growth with my work and that sort of stuff.
15:38🔗
Drew
Sue, you're being really vague. Give me two sentences on how this relationship ended and why.
15:43🔗
Caller
She just said she didn't want to be in it any more. She just didn't really give me a real specific reason.
15:58🔗
Caller
And I'm not sure how to let go of it. That's the thing, I have such a hard time with these breakups.
16:07🔗
Caller
Pretty much. I mean, this has been like over six months now, which has pretty much been the longest time I haven't been in a relationship. And I feel like I want to be, but I don't want to go through this again.
16:19🔗
Drew
What does being alone mean to you? And what is the problem with being alone? What is that experience unpleasant?
16:41🔗
Drew
What makes you think you will be? I mean, it's not so it's, I think what I'm hearing you say is that the emptiness is intolerable and it feels like it's going to go on forever.
16:48🔗
Drew
Which is different than I look at my situation, I'll never have a relationship. It's just this emptiness and is intolerable. Why? Why do you feel so empty? Why do you have to fill that hole with relationships that don't work?
17:02🔗
Caller
Because I feel like when I'm in a relationship while it's working, I feel the best I ever feel.
17:30🔗
Caller
Not much. I mean, I think they just weren't there. I mean, I definitely was hit all the time.
17:35🔗
Drew
Okay. So you were physically abused. You were being an empathic failure. They couldn't see you as a separate person. They beat the crap out of you.
17:47🔗
Drew
I mean, how could you ever develop the resources or the sense of yourself to be separate and alone in those kinds of primary relationships? I mean, think about that. All you needed was your parents just to be present and supportive and allow you to grow up, but instead, what you got at people were intrusive and violent and annihilating. I mean, for God's sake.
18:18🔗
Drew
I understand that, but when they came around, they came around with their hand or a belt or something else.
18:28🔗
Drew
I mean, at a time in your life, my God, when what you need is just a parent who's understand as you just want to grow up and be a person. And my God, what you get is just this horrible, painful affliction from the people that are supposed to help you grow. And you get stuck and you get a big hole inside you and you start finding ways to avoid that feeling. You had the biology of drug addiction. You'd be a drug addict.
18:55🔗
Drew
Yeah, I understand. You don't have that biology going. If you did, you'd be a drug addict. But instead, you found these lovely relationships that probably in some fashion reenact those early abuses and then reenact the abandonment. And then here you are.
19:14🔗
Caller
So how do I not, like I feel like I don't know how I get dumped all the time and I don't know how to change that. I don't know.
19:20🔗
Drew
Well, it is the choices you make in your relationships that set you up at the beginning for the abandonment later on. I also, I think to get over that kind of abuse, if you're really you're interested in doing it, I mean, I would look into some, I mean, there are two ways, I think that people can grow through these sorts of things. One is some sort of 12 step model where people learn to develop intimate connections with their peers in the structure of a 12 step, which is basically just a formalized kind of a relationship. Or psychotherapy, which is another kind of controlled relationship, just so you get the connections you need to develop. Understand that human beings do not develop. You cannot grow really by reading a self-help group or just sitting back and thinking about your problems. Think about an infant. Infants left alone without an adult, wither and die. That's literally what happens. And in order for an infant or even a young child to grow normally emotionally, there has to be an empathic, and I mean an understanding by empathic, connection with another person, preferably an adult. And then the child just grows. Naturally, it just happens. And unfortunately, the way our world is today, the parents don't deliver on that. The kids get stuck and they grow up with big empty holes and distorted senses of themselves, and the worthless. And they get these relationships that confirm all that. And in order for that development to start up again, there has to be a controlled relationship that is empathic. And that's what therapy and 12 Steps are all about. So anyway, let's go on to Andrew. I think I'm boring everybody. He's 15. Andrew, what's going on there?
20:58🔗
Hey, what's up, Dr. Drew?
20:59🔗
Drew
Not much. What's with you? I'm alone. Adam's out. 1-800-LOVE-191. I'm enjoying the hell of this. Now, I feel like somebody who's sort of been, like I'm like a skydiver that always had somebody strapped my back, pulling the cord for me, and I'm finally doing it on my own. Dr. Drew's right. Yeah.
21:16🔗
Well, you're doing a good job, man.
21:19🔗
Well, I got a little problem where my hair seems to be falling out. And...
21:27🔗
I mean, just everywhere. I'll run my fingers through my hair and, like, I'll usually get one or two, one or two hairs and then I'll comb my hair and then big clumps will come out.
21:37🔗
No, no medication.
21:39🔗
No, not that I know of.
21:42🔗
Nope.
21:45🔗
No.
21:48🔗
Not really, no.
21:53🔗
No, it's getting a little thin in the back.
21:55🔗
Drew
It's thinning everywhere? Yeah. There's something called alopecia areata, which is these sort of these patches of hair falling out. And can be caused by medication, can be caused by stress, can be caused by traumatic experiences, can be caused by nothing specific. Alopecia totalis, which is where the whole, everything falls out of your scalp. Very rare, very unusual. But Andrew, if you're not telling me that you have any of the usual sorts of stress that caused this, I'd get a medical evaluation just to make sure it's not a thyroid problem.
22:26🔗
Yeah, I was thinking it might be like a gland problem or something like that.
22:31🔗
No, not really.
22:35🔗
Okay, well thanks a lot.
22:37🔗
Bye.
22:50🔗
Caller
And, okay, both of us, we touch each other. We've been thinking about having sex and yes, okay. Okay, we're not at that point yet. Okay, and it turns us both on and she gets frustrated. Therefore, I do because I myself, I'm not coming and I just want to know is.
23:28🔗
Caller
Okay. What would be the problem if you know, she's obviously touching me and there's nothing happening.
24:13🔗
Drew
I want you to formulate a sentence that helps me understand what your question is. I'm gonna go to somebody else in the meantime. Rachel, 15.
24:31🔗
Adam
What's going on? He's funny. My question for you has to do with, I consider myself depressed.
24:37🔗
Adam
And I have for a long time, but I've had a lot of problems getting help. And I think a big part of it has to do with my parents.
24:58🔗
Drew
This is the one thing I can offer about that. You don't want all parents, healthy or otherwise, I think. I'm saying this because this is the way I am. You don't want to acknowledge that your kids have any problems.
25:12🔗
Drew
You don't want them to be sick. You don't want to be depressed. You don't want to be on drugs. And so the natural impulse is, you're okay.
25:19🔗
Adam
I know. But see, the thing is, I've had a lot of problems since I was really little. And the biggest one, I guess, is I've cut myself ever since I was eight. And I've tried to kill myself twice.
25:45🔗
Drew
Because this is the... Rachel, oh man, I'm getting a chill when I talk to you, because you are the person who does it.
26:02🔗
Drew
About getting help. That you will not make an attempt, you will not cut, before you make some kind of contact with a professional. And I want this to be a commitment between us.
26:20🔗
Drew
By the way, God bless you for being honest. That is the one thing that might get you through this.
26:30🔗
Drew
Dishonesty is the worst prognosis in a situation like this. But hang with your honesty and tell me why you can't commit yourself to this.
26:37🔗
Adam
It's the way that I've always learned to deal with my emotions. And I mean, it's like my dad's really emotional and my mom is emotional, but she suppresses it. So I do not...
26:48🔗
Drew
No, I understand that... See, you notice I'm not even getting into the reasons with you.
27:06🔗
Drew
I want you to... Now, you're a very smart girl, right? I know that. I can hear that. Here's what you came in and told me. I'm sick. I need help. My parents won't let me get help.
27:17🔗
Drew
And I said, well, please commit to me that you're going to get help. And your answer is, I don't think I can do that.
27:22🔗
Adam
Well, let me explain. Some of my teachers were concerned about me. I've always been a good student and now I'm failing. And so they got me roped in with the counselor at school.
27:36🔗
Adam
Yeah. I've talked to a lot of school social workers and things like that. And our family just moved out to Washington in June from Minnesota, and I'd never moved before. And six weeks before that, I'd gotten myself into professional therapy. But I had a really hard time opening up and six weeks just wasn't a long enough amount of time.
27:58🔗
So of course.
27:59🔗
Adam
And it's been really hard to adjust. And I finally found a friend that I can totally confide in. And it's helped a lot.
28:06🔗
Good.
28:07🔗
Adam
But the school counselor, you know, she's there. She thinks that I really need to be in professional counseling. And there is actually, I think, a shrink in our school. And she's going to try and get me roped up with that. It's just that my parents don't think there's anything wrong with me.
28:27🔗
Just screw it.
28:28🔗
Drew
No, no, no. Just screw it. Screw the parents. Don't worry about them right now. The important here is your safety.
28:33🔗
Adam
Well, a lot of things need their signature and stuff. And they just don't approve, you know.
28:39🔗
Drew
You know what else? Here's the deal. You need some medication, too, for the time being. And I usually don't recommend that the 15-year-old is out, you know, overtly. But when your life is in danger, you got to do what you got to do. And until the therapy can get initiated, until you get the kinds of care you need. And God knows I wish you the best with this. And you have everything it takes. Just I can hear how your mind works. You have what it takes to get connected and do well. But you have to do it because you have to do it.
29:15🔗
Drew
I know. Well, Rachel, I don't know if everybody who's listening can hear what I hear in you, but you sound like a wonderful person. You're just not worth sacrificing because your parents are ignorant. Will you please commit to me that you will get some treatment and follow through, please?
29:56🔗
Drew
Well, stay connected with that friend. Know that you need the full spectrum of professional care and that you can get better. I promise.
30:06🔗
Drew
But you're with the counselor at school. They're recommending you to a therapist there. I'm telling you, you need medication as well. And I'm going to need some medication in a minute, Adam.
30:19🔗
Drew
Buddy? You sound kind of desperate there, calling me buddy. You've been drinking or something?
30:27🔗
I need you to pick me up.
30:43🔗
Drew
You know what's nice? You know what's really nice about sitting here and you being there? What? I can hang up on you if I want to. Oh, this is awesome. No, he's back.
31:13🔗
Drew
Oh, the way you usually go around in your living room. You're seen in public. You've never had a tuxedo on your whole GD life.
31:20🔗
Caller
I just got chewed out by the security guard. For what? Well, I opened the stage door while the red light was on. And because I had to take a leak. And he said to me when I came back from the bathroom, he looked me right in the eye and he goes, when you open that door with the red light on, you do two things. One thing you do is you say to everyone in the audience, it's okay to do the same thing. The next thing you do is, would you like it if someone did that during your scene? Do I need that kind of abuse? I'm a big star. Anyway, Drew?
32:07🔗
Caller
Oh man, do I look good. I not only have the tuxedo on, but I have the makeup on and the woman chasing after me, making sure everything's in place.
32:17🔗
Drew
And if, oh yeah, and if in this segment, where allegedly are you coming from in a tuxedo in a limousine?
32:34🔗
Drew
Yeah, okay. Now describe for our audience what it's actually like when you and I are carted around in front of a large audience.
32:57🔗
Caller
All right, so it doesn't look like I'm going to be in tonight. All right. I'll try, but I...
33:15🔗
This is it.
33:17🔗
All right.
33:19🔗
Drew
Yes. Don't worry. I will. Godspeed. All right. That was Adam. You heard where he was. The number is still 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. It's still just me and enjoying myself like crazy. We will go to break at this point and I will be back with more calls. I feel so liquidy.
33:38🔗
Caller
Really? You're listening to Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline will be right back.
33:52🔗
W-E-B-N.
34:11🔗
Drew
Welcome back to Loveline. I'm Dr. Drew. Adam Corolla is away being a star. The number is 1-800-LLV-E-191. And how come you don't give me any celebrity drops when I come into my segments? He's lazy. All right. Thank you for that honest answer. Yes, we're getting honest and real here tonight without Mr. Corolla, and it's quite pleasurable, I guess. I want to give Richard another chance to express himself. Richard was the Gentleman 22 having difficulty telling me what actually his question was. What's going on, Richard?
34:40🔗
Caller
Okay, I'm about to start it over. Yes? Look at my girlfriend. She does touch me with her, with my penises, and I do get an erection, but I do not come.
35:14🔗
Drew
All right. Just relax, Richard. Have you ever been with a woman before? This is first experience?
35:25🔗
Drew
The first woman. Yeah. Are you always this anxious or it's just because you're on the radio?
35:40🔗
Drew
I'm afraid your head's going to explode in a second, Richard. Are you this anxious normally?
35:52🔗
Drew
All right. Relax. This will take care of itself. I mean, I don't know if it's just that some preference you have that whatever she's doing isn't working for you, but as this relationship evolve and you begin to get more intimate and a greater range of physical intimacies, if you can relax and if everything is otherwise okay medically in your life and you're not on medication, you know, the vast majority of 22-year-old males will function. Lee?
36:19🔗
Yes, sir.
36:22🔗
Caller
I got two questions. The first question is, about two years ago I quit drinking because I got in some trouble, I went through therapy, been going to AA classes and all that other stuff. Now the problem is, I'm having trouble meeting women. I don't like to date anybody from work because that can bring problems to the workplace.
37:05🔗
Caller
No, AA meetings. I didn't say classes. I've been through substance abuse classes and AA meetings.
37:17🔗
Caller
I've only been with AA for about, I don't know, about a year. And I've been getting temporary sponsors here and there.
37:26🔗
Drew
Yeah, this is what I'm talking about. I mean, you're not with the program. I mean, you've been not drinking for two years. You still smoke pot?
37:43🔗
Caller
The program is good. I like it. But I don't know. People at the AA meetings that I attend, I guess I haven't found the right one. That's why I haven't really got a permanent sponsor. It's because I quit. Keep going from meeting to meeting, not have like a home group or whatever. And it's, I don't know, they're like addicted to AA.
38:04🔗
Drew
I know. I know. I know if it feels like that right at this point. But what you need, Lee, is a relationship with a sponsor and to honker down and work the steps. And don't worry quite so much about the meetings at this point. But do worry about your comfort and connection with the sponsor and decide who that person is and start working. And then, and I now feel guilty for calling you a handful. What I was getting from you was all the sort of bravado and stuff that I'm sure you're sort of used to putting out. And you've got something behind that. Okay? There's some substance here. And you've got the capacity to really grow. And I think if you start making connections with people, magically some women will come into your life.
38:51🔗
Caller
Yeah, because my first priority in life is making a commitment to myself to not drink.
38:55🔗
Drew
Well, but that you, unless you work a program, and this is a biological fact and people have real difficulty accepting this, you will drink again. And if you work a program, magically you won't drink. And magically some quality people will enter your life because you will suddenly become very attractive to all kinds of people.
39:13🔗
Drew
And you won't have to worry about meeting the people at the bars and struggling to find relationships. They will happen to you.
39:22🔗
Drew
Well, but you're also even a nicer guy than you think you are, I think. Somewhere, you're a... My words are going to ring in your head someday. You are a nicer and more substantial person than you've ever known yourself to be.
39:38🔗
Drew
But you've got to give yourself a chance, and this is so interesting to me that you've hung around the program and stayed clean but not really worked the program. Something there is scaring you, but if you get through that...
39:50🔗
Drew
Yeah, you've got to commit yourself to the relationship with the sponsor and then work the steps and then just hang with it for a while.
39:56🔗
Caller
I've got a second question real quick. That drug and the testosterone that Mark McGuire was taking.
40:08🔗
Drew
Well, it's a complicated question. It's an androgenic hormone. It is a congenerative relative of testosterone. Think of all the things that testosterone does, hair growth, aggression, muscle growth, strength, and many, many other things. But those are the things that people sort of identify with testosterone. Anderstein dialyze does to some extent. Is it addictive? Not per se, but I'll tell you what, addicts tend to be the people that use anabolic steroids, particularly stimulant addicts.
40:38🔗
Caller
That's why I was wondering if it would be a good idea for me to start, because I'm kind of like a health nut too.
40:44🔗
Drew
Yeah, it would be the best thing for you in terms of your overall health is to look at balance as your goal, and not muscle growth and size and strength and all that stuff. It will all, all that is fine, and I have no real, you know, absolute recommendations against it, but it will kind of move you in the wrong direction. Balance will be a much better approach for you, I think. So let's go to Tim, who's 15. Tim, what's going on there? Hey, what's up, Drew? Not much. I'm alone. It's 1-800-LLVE-191. This is still Loveline. I hope it still sounds like Loveline, but I'm having a great time, and Adam is on the set of Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place. He's being a guest, special guest star. And did you hear him when he called in a few minutes ago? Yeah. Yeah. He's having a great time. It sounded loaded to me. No, he did. Oh, Adam.
41:34🔗
Caller
Well, I'd just like to say that you guys are awesome. You guys are a cool team, and you guys are just like, I listen to you every night before I go to bed.
42:12🔗
Drew
By the way, the job of the parent to be not cool. I'm sorry, but that's the parent's job. That's the way it goes. Hey, go ahead. What's the question?
42:21🔗
Caller
Well, I see like a lot of people like with ecstasy and stuff. I just want to know like what's up with that. I mean, what?
42:27🔗
Drew
It's a stimulant. It's an amphetamine. It's an operative that's been altered in such a way as to make it hallucinogenic. It is one of the more dangerous drugs out there. We're learning all the time, the potential adverse effects of this drug. I have seen all sorts of things happen, all sorts of acute toxic reactions where people black out and go nuts and rip their clothes off and jump off buildings. I've seen people get locked in where they can't move. They can just like move their eyes and nothing else for several days. I've seen people get severely paranoid and stay that way for a while. I've seen various reactions, all of which seem to go away, frankly. I don't know of them any persisting. I have only seen two cases of ecstasy addiction, and those people were severely impaired. They couldn't think, they couldn't reason, they're paranoid. It was a mess. They couldn't be treated because of that either. But it seems to be a rare addiction.
43:22🔗
Drew
Yeah. But as I told you, in just even a single exposure, I've seen people have some very unpleasant reactions.
43:34🔗
Drew
I've seen people locked in, can't move a muscle except their eyes for days. One dose of ecstasy, okay? Don't know why that happens. Well, there's something that is bad. But they don't know why it happens after a single dose. Or, you know, we just don't know what rhyme or reason to why it happens when it does. I've seen people, again, black out and do very dangerous things impulsively because they don't know what the hell they're doing.
43:59🔗
Drew
And at 15, your brain is still developing and there's an overwhelming amount of information now that the brain at that age is extremely sensitive to these drugs and that you can actually shrink it or at least prevent it from developing further or maybe miss some development that you would have otherwise gotten by exposing it to things. I just read some stuff the other day about alcohol and memory function. After relatively low levels of exposure to alcohol, there were sort of college-age students, they were between 20 and 29, rather substantial impairment of memory and new learning. It was amazing to me how much, how much impairment there was. So, all right, I don't want to bust your high, what do we call it? Ruin your high? Man, am I pathetic. Let's go to David. He's 30. Dave, what's going on?
44:50🔗
Caller
Love your show. God bless you. You do an awesome job. Thank you. I was wondering if I could maybe get a little bit of advice from you.
44:58🔗
Caller
I was married quite young, about 21. I got married, met this gal when I was 20. She had a two-year-old daughter and 21 we married and eight months later we divorced and she left state rather abruptly.
45:18🔗
Caller
A couple of reasons. My parents didn't like her. I was, you have to excuse me, I'm really nervous. My parents didn't like her and there was a lot of drinking on my part and she didn't want to work and we just were poor all the time and basically I listened to my parents too much.
45:55🔗
Caller
She was involved with a guy before I ever met her and he was ever around. He was a severe alcoholic.
46:08🔗
Caller
Yeah. Alright, what's the question? I have been in treatment. I've been in AA for, I'll be well, I'll have five days, I'll have 11 months.
46:21🔗
Caller
Thank you. And in the process of making amends and stuff is quite coincidental. Oh, by the way, I should probably tell you that I did remarry after her, my second wife I was with for five years and then we got divorced. I currently have been separated for two and a half years and have not dated or seen anybody since then. And in the process of making amends kind of coincidentally, she, my first wife called me from the state she's currently living in. Evidently, she had never really gotten over me.
47:01🔗
Caller
I want to know what your opinion is or what your feelings are as far as me getting back together with her.
47:06🔗
Drew
All right. Hang on. We're going to go to break. It's still Loveline. I'm still Dr. Drew. It'll be right back.
47:19🔗
Loveline will be right back.
47:45🔗
Caller
And this is Steve, and we're Smash Mouth, and you're listening to Love Lines with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.
47:51🔗
Drew
Thank you for delivering that to me. Mike, I appreciate that. Especially Steve from Smash Mouth. Makes me feel like a little more of Adam is here. That's right, he's in our book. Adam and I wrote a book. I don't know if anybody's aware of that. And Smash Mouth, Steve particularly contributed to that. We had a lot of great celebrities. We called them up and asked them to give some information, to see what they thought about certain things. And they were wonderfully cooperative and wanted to participate. I think, although nobody's hearing about this book, there's something to be learned by reading it. So it's called The Adam and Drew Book, The Dr. Drew and Adam Book, Surviving Love and Life. And it's available on amazon.com and any of your local bookstores. And if you go to Barnes and Noble, please go up to the front desk and give them a ration of crap because they have buried the book and they're concerned about the content. Which believe me, the things we're trying to advocate are quite healthy and so be it. Got a fax, allegedly from Steve in San Diego, even though it's from a 626 fax machine and the name at the top of the page is quite different. You say no one faxes you, so I decided to. I'm a single male who a few months ago was at a bachelor party with a stripper during the course of the evening. I, along with others, engaged in oral sex with this woman on multiple occasions. I had no open cuts in my mouth of what would be the risk to me contracting an STD or other infection. Mike, do people really do that at bachelor parties? Did you hear what I just said? No. All right. Well, the oral contact is just as high a risk for transmission of sexually transmitted disease in either direction, oral genital or genital oral, as genital-genital contact. This is anytime you have a mucosal surface, like a lining of the body that's not your skin, or skin is a kind of mucosal surface, but your mouth, vagina, urethra, contacting with another person, you can transmit a sexually transmitted disease essentially any of them, essentially any of them.
50:06🔗
Drew
Things go on. I've been to two bachelor parties and one of them was my own. And nothing went on. Nothing. I mean, you sit there, the groom gets, they pour alcohol down the groom and you sit there and with your eyes like propped open like clockwork orange or something. And that's it.
50:30🔗
Too small of a sample.
50:32🔗
Drew
Too small of a sample? All right. Thank you for the scientific impression, Sherry. All right, let's get back to the calls. I was talking to David. David is 11 months sober in the program, had a relationship with an ex-wife who had a two-year-old daughter. Clearly a very codependent relationship. David, yes?
50:48🔗
Drew
And then you left that when you asked her to leave, even though it sounds like she was ready to leave because you were loaded at the time and your parents were getting under case and you believed your parents who, dad was, or dad and mom, mom is an alcoholic, I'm going to guess.
51:01🔗
Drew
Dad's an alcoholic. And they in all their wisdom told you to leave her. You told her to get out. You married another woman, divorced her, got in the program, made contact by serendipity and you're wondering if your higher power is giving you a message here, I bet.
51:16🔗
Caller
Kind of, yeah. Well, in talking to her, I realized, well, when she had left state, my first wife, when she had left state, I didn't realize it and just found out two months ago that she was pregnant at the time.
51:35🔗
Caller
She lost it in her, I think, eighth month. And she evidently had never been able to work through it because she never made contact with me.
51:49🔗
Drew
Let me give you one caveat, one morning. The most common reason I see people with a solid program lose it is because of a relationship.
52:04🔗
Drew
Nowhere else do humans act out their craziness or get sucked into stuff more easily than in relationships. And we just, we find it like un, we can't, we're irresistible. We just have to go in and do our old stuff and act it out and try to fix those old problems. And until you've really healed and made some substantial internal changes in the program, it is risky territory for you. And given that your sobriety should be your priority, my recommendation would be to avoid this. Now, having said all that, if you were to get into this relationship, has she been in any kind of co-dependency recovery?
52:40🔗
Drew
Another strike against this. I mean, you've come, you've grown since this relationship. And if she doesn't grow with you or come along, she's going to pull you back where you were. Now, from the other hand, you said, you know, she's in Al and I go on everyday work in a program. I would be less concerned about you at least moving towards getting involved in this relationship. So if, let's say this, I'll put this one recommendation on the table that you absolutely don't do it unless she's involved in some sort of codependency recovery. Okay. All right. Beyond that, Dr. Sponsor, let your own conscience be your guide on this one. This is now Tim. He's 23. Tim, what's going on?
53:20🔗
Caller
My question is pretty simple. Every time I have sex with my girlfriend, when I ejaculate after that happens, my tip of the head of the penis starts getting really tender.
53:35🔗
Caller
Tender. It's like every time she goes to touch it, you get a sort of really high sensation.
53:44🔗
Drew
Normal. She shouldn't touch it. Give it a little time. Women complain about the more than men, by the way. Andy's 28, 20, excuse me. Andy, what's going on?
53:58🔗
Caller
I am back in a relationship with a girl I was with when I was 17 and tried to kill myself over.
54:19🔗
Caller
But we don't have anything in common when it comes to interest. She's Mormon. I'm Nordic Wicken and she keeps pressing, reforming and converting and all that fun stuff.
54:33🔗
Caller
My question. Should I give her the boot or keep her? Because I think I might love her. I don't know. I know it's a bad idea to get in a relationship so young and with what I got.
54:50🔗
Drew
It's a chaos. She was part of all that chaos and she really massaged that and gratified that and she's all part of that. You're getting better. You're getting treatment. She's still the same, right?
55:04🔗
Caller
She's changed a little. She's starting to question that which she was raised as, but when it comes down to it, she's the same. Yeah.
55:14🔗
Drew
You're getting better. She's the same. It's part of the wreckage of your past, not the addictive wreckage, but just part of the chaos that you were in at that time. And just to bring that relationship back into the present, will sort of pull you back into that state you were in before. I suspect. I don't know. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but it concerns me. Beth 30.
55:33🔗
Caller
Hi. Hey. I am having a problem with this guy at work who I think is rather disgusting. And for the past few months, I have been seeing him when I'm having sex with my boyfriend.
55:52🔗
Caller
I mean, like I'll picture him. And it's like the most disgusting thing I can think of.
55:57🔗
Caller
Okay. The guy is like 50 years old. He's married, has a new baby. He's kind of a touchy feely guy. And quite a while ago, he like touches you, you know, when he talks to you. Gross. Yeah. And at one point, he was telling me something and he brushed the back of his hand against my breast. And I kind of thought, okay, maybe that was a mistake. And then another time he'd gotten me a present and he was sitting down and I came to put my arm around to thank him. And he looked over at my breast and looked away. And then looked again and kissed it.
56:36🔗
Caller
Because I thought, I don't know what's going on. Okay, maybe it was a mistake too. You know, it's not a third.
57:01🔗
Caller
Yeah, but there's more. My brother's girlfriend also works there with me. And they had worked together close, this guy and her, for a while. And she told me that he said that he's in love with her. And they went away on a business trip. And he asked if he could sleep next to her and all of this stuff. And the guy's married and has a baby. And that just disgusts me.
57:27🔗
Caller
No, I mean, I became obsessed with him. I had to share a room with him for five months. And besides that, he's totally pompous. He tells you what to, you know, how to do things that are completely.
57:48🔗
Caller
Anybody? The first person that came to my head was my dad. Because he's an older guy, but that's it.
58:00🔗
Drew
All right, so something about dad with this guy. I mean, that's the only thing. That's what I expected you to say because otherwise you would have reported this guy a long time ago.
58:13🔗
Caller
But he's not. The thing is nobody was there. He was in a position of authority. He's been there years and years and years.
58:21🔗
Caller
I'm also protecting my friend. I think it's what it is. Oh, my brother's girlfriend. Because if I, he doesn't want me to say anything because she's protecting him, I think.
58:40🔗
Caller
And do you think that will help me in what's going on? I mean, I've been there a year. He's been there, you know, ten years.
58:52🔗
Caller
I used to think about him just all the time, all the time, all the time when I was in the same room with him because I just couldn't stand being there with him. I finally got out of the room after about five months and it's gotten a lot better, but now it still creeps up when I'm having sex. I'll just get the thought of him and I'll try and associate it with something else and like get past it, but it still keeps creeping in and I'll just start crying or something.
59:19🔗
Drew
It's something, it's not happening for no reason, I'll tell you that, but if it is some residual sort of abuse issue, certainly standing up and asserting yourself would be a healthier direction to move things in and may cause some of these symptoms to settle down. Unfortunately, I think there's a higher priority here, and that is the sort of legal safety issues that you're in, and those need to be dealt with immediately.
59:50🔗
Drew
Yeah, because it's not just about you, it's about everybody else he interacts with. God knows he's already sucked this other woman into this, but who knows who else, and his wife, and this guy, it's just a mess.
1:00:02🔗
Drew
And for you, you need to assert, you need to learn to assert yourself, so the next time somebody kisses your breast, you pull out a...
1:00:11🔗
Caller
It was just on accident, because that was just the closest thing there, and... Oh Beth. I know. And then I...
1:00:24🔗
Drew
Amazingly, this experience has come to a close. It's Loveline with Just Dr. Drew, two hours flew by for me. Everybody else has turned the radio off and got to sleep, which is nice. I appreciate those of you who have hung in. Adam has been with the shooting of Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place, which hopefully you'll be able to see in a couple of weeks, but we'll go to a break for right now. And this is Love Line. I'm Dr. Drew. And to quote my sidekick, mercifully, the show has come to a close. Mike, how did it feel to actually hit the breaks on time and close the show on time? It was quite bizarre. It's never happened before, has it? So I'm going to let it drag out a few, just a little bit late, just as an homage to Adam here. Thank you very much for those of you who have listened. I really, very want to send my most sincere appreciation to the staff tonight. Mike for enjoying the show and for producing at Sherry for screening some great calls and for all of you for staying with me and participating. I hope we'll have a chance to do it again alone sometime in the not too distant future. Otherwise Adam will be back tomorrow night. We'll have Jerry Springer in here and Loveline will go on. This is Dr. Drew for the absent Adam, Adam Corolla saying mahalo.
1:02:10🔗
Caller
This is Ben Loveline. The views expressed on Loveline are not necessarily those of the staff, the management or the sponsors of this radio station.