Episode 1000754888514

1:28 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:31 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:35 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

1:39 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

1:41 Loveline, Loveline.

1:43 Adam Nate, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Bruce filling in for Dr. Drew. For those of you who haven't heard it before, prepare for a arduous night fraught with disappointment. Dr. Bruce is a friend of Dr. Drew's.

2:00 Adam Don't start with me so early, knucklehead.

2:03 Adam Knucklehead.

2:06 Adam Five long days.

2:07 Adam Oh, yeah.

2:08 Adam I'm not going to tolerate it this time.

2:09 Adam Dr. Bruce will be here all week long. And I really enjoy Dr. Bruce. I give him a hard time, but he brings coffee, or at least he used to. He enjoys talking about model airplanes and cars and all the other nonsense that Drew doesn't have time for in his busy schedule. But not Dr. Bruce. He's always willing to sit around and chew the fat during the commercial about nonsense. So I'm glad to see Dr. Bruce in here, although actually I just got my fill. Alright, so it's going to be a long week. Bruce, you are qualified, right?

2:44 Adam Right.

2:44 Adam Give your qualifications.

2:46 Adam I'm a board certified physician with expertise in addiction medicine.

2:50 Adam And you're normally an ER doctor, is that correct?

2:53 Adam Right.

2:54 Adam So in many ways, you're even more qualified than Dr. Drew, I would say.

2:59 Adam All right. Well, let's just say it anyway. Static-X is our guest tonight. Wayne, Tony and Ken are all in here from the band. Last time I saw Static-X a couple of months ago on Loveline, the TV show.

3:13 Ken and I did the TV show a little while ago. And I just got to say, I'm absolutely thrilled to be here. I know this is your job and you're like probably bored of this by now. But I actually used to work at a regular boring office job a couple of years ago and I used to listen to the show every single night and I'm really honored to be on the show.

3:32 Adam Well, thank you. I don't listen. I don't mind that kind of brown nose. I appreciate it. There's certain people like people do this all the time. They go, that dude's just being nice because you got a TV show. I'm like, that's why I got the TV show, Clay Hull. People will be nice to me for a change. That chick, she only digs you because she saw you on TV.

3:56 Yes, I know.

3:57 Adam That's why I'm on TV. Were you trying to hurt my feelings? This is my master plan. Wouldn't I ever want to kiss my ass? Bruce, you could do with a little of that. All right. To be honest, we do so many of these shows, TV and radio, and they all basically turn into one show. I talk about this from time to time. Here's how I divide the guests. I divide them into three categories. There's I like, I don't like, and I can't remember. I didn't know they were on the show. Static X, I remember being on the TV show, it was just a few months ago, and they fall into the like category. Now, I won't remember anything about the show, and I won't remember any details or specifics, it's just when you say Static X, I go, oh yeah, I like those guys. So we had a good time on the TV, and I assume we're going to have a good time on the radio as well. Wisconsin Death Trip is the name of the CD. I'm told it just went gold, and congratulations on that.

5:00 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Thanks a lot.

5:01 Adam Well, I don't know, plug something while I plug. You're going out with Power Man 5000.

5:08 We actually start that tour in Seattle on Wednesday, or Thursday?

5:13 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Friday.

5:13 Friday?

5:14 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce It's Friday.

5:15 One of those days. We're going to be here in LA, for any of you LA people, on the second and third.

5:21 Adam Right, at the Palace, which is a great old art deco venue.

5:27 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah.

5:27 Adam Nice, I don't know, 20s or 30s venue. Yeah, Spider was just here from Power Man 5000 last week, and seems like a nice guy.

5:38 Yeah, the whole band are really nice guys, so it should be a fun tour.

5:42 Adam All right. Again, well, I'll give a plug. They'll be in Seattle on the 28th, whichever day that is. Then it's Portland 29th, and Frisco on the 1st, and then Los Angeles on the 2nd and 3rd, and I'll give out some of the rest of those dates as the night wears on. We'll also hear something from Static-X, maybe more than one thing. But I think now we'll go to the phones.

6:05 Drew Yeah.

6:05 Adam Tim?

6:06 Drew Yeah.

6:07 Adam You're 15?

6:08 Caller Uh-huh.

6:08 Adam What's up?

6:10 Caller I'm just having a little trouble getting a girlfriend lately, because, well, it's not completely her, but at my high school, this is my ex- one of my ex-girlfriends from a month ago, she's just been talking a lot of bad stuff about me.

6:23 Adam And you think that's why you're having trouble?

6:26 Caller Uh, yeah, in some, in some of the areas.

6:28 Adam I don't think so. I never subscribed to that stuff, that reputation stuff, especially with guys.

6:34 Drew Yeah, that might work with girls, but...

6:37 Adam What's she saying?

6:39 Caller Uh, she's just saying I want to get laid.

6:41 Something's wrong with his testicles.

6:42 Adam You, uh... I think it was Victoria Jackson. You, uh, your girlfriend is telling other women in the high school that you're interested in sex?

6:53 Caller My ex.

6:54 Adam Yeah. Oh, well, stop the presses. There's a guy in high school wants to get laid, everybody. Yeah. Next thing you know, she's going to be spreading the jack-off rumor.

7:02 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Watch out for that one.

7:03 Adam Yeah, that'll kill you. That killed me.

7:05 Adam How long did you go out with her?

7:06 Caller Huh?

7:07 Adam How long did you go out with her?

7:08 Caller About two months.

7:08 Adam How much truth is in the rumor?

7:11 Caller Uh, I'll be honest with you, I mean, I don't like to believe it.

7:13 Drew Well, how many times did you get laid?

7:15 Caller None.

7:16 Drew Alright, good.

7:17 Adam Hey, Tim?

7:18 Caller Yeah?

7:18 Adam If you ain't going out with women at your high school, it's because they're not so into you, but it's not because of what your girlfriend is saying.

7:27 Caller Oh, okay.

7:28 Drew Alright, sorry, but... Well, no, it could be that she's just...

7:31 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce I think another way to go is, you know, he should just go to a different high school, you know, go date girls at a different high school anyway. It's kind of like dating a girl you work with, you know?

7:40 Adam Yeah, but you're not that mobile when you're 15. That's the problem. It's like you got to date the girls at your high school, and whoever lives across the street is your best friend, and that's just the way it is.

7:52 Caller Date a girl from junior high school.

7:53 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce There you go.

7:55 Adam But if you do what I do, you know what I do?

7:57 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce What do you do?

7:58 Adam I take one of those... What the hell are those candies there? You get them at the movie theaters, nice and soft. Goobers, jujufruit will work. And I get it nice and hot in the sun, and then I put it on the end of my penis, and I stick that through the chain link fence at the junior high, and then I just sit there. I don't call for people. I just...

8:22 Adam You've done this recently.

8:23 Adam Actually, no, milk dot.

8:24 Drew That's what works the best.

8:26 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah, I gotta write this down.

8:27 Adam You have a problem with ants?

8:28 Adam It's great. Yeah.

8:29 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Small animals.

8:30 Adam Once in a while, you get a dog, an ant, a janitor, a guy. But for the most part, it works pretty good.

8:35 Drew Yeah, I used to do that with licorice. It didn't work as well.

8:39 Adam Yeah, you can tie it, but it really keeps the pressure on you. You gotta keep it going because if you can't keep it going, it'll fall off.

8:49 John? Yeah.

8:52 Adam John, you're 14?

8:53 Caller Yeah.

8:53 Adam What's up?

8:55 Caller I was like, yo, at this party, like a whole bunch of women.

8:59 Adam All right. Hold this thing on. Jay?

9:05 Yeah, what's up?

9:05 Adam You're 16?

9:07 Caller Adam, you're awesome.

9:08 Adam Thank you.

9:09 Caller Friday night, I had a three-some with these two chicks and one of them is very promiscuous and I just want to know what are they.

9:16 Adam And the other one's kind of prude.

9:19 Drew The other one's a prude. I don't know what happened.

9:22 Adam She was home from finishing school that weekend.

9:25 Adam Define promiscuous, of course.

9:27 Drew All right.

9:27 Caller Well, I'm just wondering, like, what's the risk of getting SCDs from a chick that was very promiscuous because, like, she gave me a headache.

9:34 Adam Probably the same as the risk from the other two.

9:36 Adam Well, now, wait a minute. There was one other. There were two women.

9:39 Caller Yeah.

9:40 Adam You had two women?

9:41 Caller Yeah.

9:42 Adam You're 16?

9:43 Caller Yeah.

9:43 Adam All right. I'm going to kill you when I see you, son of a bitch.

9:47 It was my first time, dude.

9:49 Caller It was awesome.

9:50 Adam Yeah. You know my version of a threesome was in high school? Two of my buddies watched while I whack off. That was as close as I got to a threesome.

10:00 Drew Mine was using both hands. I was going to say hello and the teddy bear.

10:05 Adam Jay, really, did you have sex with both of them?

10:08 Caller I had sex with one of them and the other one and I just got head.

10:11 Adam How old were they?

10:12 Caller One is 14 and one is 16.

10:15 Drew 16.

10:17 Adam It's not cool. It's not good for you. It's not good for them. These kids have probably had some serious problems in the past with males, abuse and you're contributing to the continuation of that.

10:31 Adam Well, listen, you're right, but he's 16. He doesn't know any better. He doesn't care about that. He cares about the disease.

10:38 Adam Okay, and the disease, certainly from oral sex, you can get the same disease as you get from any other kind of sex. So the chances of getting gonorrhea in the throat.

10:47 Adam Is a guy, yeah, in the throat. He's not, she's on him, right? Is she on you, Jay?

10:53 Caller Yeah.

10:54 Adam Did you get on her?

10:56 Caller No.

10:56 Adam All right. So how many diseases can you get as a male from receiving oral sex? You know what I mean? I mean, aren't your chances decreased quite a bit? Uh, yes. Thank you.

11:09 Adam It's not a good way to look at it, your chances are decreased because you're telling him, oh, it's okay, don't worry about it.

11:13 Adam No, I'm not. I think he should go get himself checked out, but he can sleep tonight.

11:19 Caller Well, why is he worried about it? Does he have like some weird symptoms that he's, you know?

11:24 Adam That's a valid question.

11:25 Caller Why is he worried about it?

11:25 Drew Does your penis burn when you pee?

11:27 Caller No, nothing like that. I don't have any symptoms, but I'm just like scared.

11:30 Adam All right. How long ago did this happen?

11:33 Caller Friday night.

11:34 Adam Okay. First off, let me tell you this. It's all downhill from here, brother. Prostate is going to enlarge. You're going to get a nice fat wife. Screaming kids. So enjoy this. Write this day down in your diary. I don't know. Go get a test.

11:50 Drew All right.

11:50 Adam I'll get like an AIDS test and some other stuff and then put a condom on it.

11:53 Adam Yeah. I hate to be the wet blanket, but the 14-year-old especially, you're really contributing to the delinquency of the 14-year-old who, obviously, this kid has had molestation in the past or abuse or something. And you're setting up a...

12:08 Drew All right.

12:08 Adam But I think just to say, hey, this is cool, this is great, he scored with two other children of 16 is not...

12:14 Adam As long as they're screwed up 14 and 15-year-olds are willing to have threesomes with 16-year-old guys, there will be a supply of 16-year-old guys. It'll be a never-ending supply of 16-year-old guys. Maybe 35-year-old radio hosts, too.

12:28 Adam No, there are many 16-year-old guys that would recognize that as an unhealthy situation and would not go for it. More than would.

12:35 Adam Yeah.

12:36 Adam Absolutely.

12:36 Adam Nerd linger.

12:37 Adam No.

12:37 Adam Please.

12:38 Adam Listen.

12:39 Adam I don't know any 16-year-old guys.

12:40 Adam I was talking to an infectious disease guy last week and he was talking about the HIV rates and it creeping into the younger age groups. What happens is you're not seeing it symptom-wise, AIDS-wise for an average of eight years. Somebody is 25, that means they got it when they were 17.

12:57 Adam You mean people are getting it and not showing any signs for eight years?

13:03 Adam Right.

13:04 Adam Wow.

13:04 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce I thought it was three to five.

13:06 Adam Well, it depends. Here's the scariest part. The highest infectivity that you achieve is within the first short period of time after you're infected. So, you get infected with the virus, the virus starts growing and multiplying rapidly, and you're highly infectious. And at that point, even if you're tested, you're going to be negative until your body starts making the antibodies. And this is the time when people are usually continuing to be very promiscuous. And then, when their body starts to make the antibodies, their viral load drops off, and they can be tested positive. This is usually three to six months. But that first three, four-month period is when a lot of people spread the virus. And in young people, again, if it's after six hours from now, it's never going to happen, the consequential thinking isn't there.

13:53 Adam Ah, the kids today, they think they're so invincible. John?

13:57 Adam Yeah.

13:57 Adam You're fourteen?

13:58 Adam Yeah.

13:59 Adam Okay.

13:59 Caller Yeah, I was at a party a couple days ago. Never tried acid before. One of my friends gave me a tab, and I tried it, and I was tripping out of my mind. And I'm still like, just like, I'm still like, it's still like a...

14:15 Drew You're still tripping?

14:17 Caller Yeah.

14:17 Adam Oh, no! And how long ago did you take the tab?

14:21 Caller This is Friday.

14:23 Adam Friday.

14:24 Drew See, that's what they call an acid flashback.

14:26 Adam Yeah, or maybe it never went away.

14:28 Caller I mean, it like went down for like party yesterday, and then it just came back.

14:32 Adam Yeah, you know, we do hear about this, John, and Drew is always a little bit frightened by it. But I don't know, is this the first time you've done acid?

14:42 Caller Yeah.

14:42 Adam All right, so don't do it again.

14:45 Adam Well, are you feeling anxious now? Are you feeling real paranoid, frightened?

14:50 Caller Yeah, paranoid a little bit.

14:51 Adam Yeah. You know, first of all, at 14 years old, your brain is not done setting up its pathways up there. And so what LSD does is like throwing water on a circuit board. You just, that's why you see colors and you hear tracers and all that kind of stuff. But at 14, there's less stability in your nervous system to start with, and so it's going to take longer for you to come down. Some people get what's called post hallucinogen perceptive disorder, perception disorder, and they will have problems with, they'll hear normal levels of sound, will sound deafening, lights at normal room level will seem extremely bright enough to wear sunglasses. This can go on for months or even years after they use hallucinogens. So the reason Drew is extremely fearful and anxious when he hears about this stuff being used is because we can't control the length of a trip. There's not.

15:44 Adam Alright, so what should he do though?

15:46 Adam He should go, you should go see, I mean really the anxiety.

15:49 Adam When should he go? Should he give it a couple more days?

15:52 Adam No he should go probably to an emergency room now.

15:54 Adam Really?

15:54 Adam Talk to somebody.

15:55 Adam But what's going to happen?

15:57 Adam He's going to talk to a counselor.

15:58 Adam No, but what's going to happen if he doesn't? Well, you know, I mean, I don't want anyone to get hurt, but I do want to be realistic, you know. Drew always does this, you know, speak to your neurologist, things like that. And I'm like, Drew, the guy's on Kaiser. If he's lucky, he doesn't know what a neurologist is.

16:14 Adam The thing to do, listen, anybody out there, if you have a bad trip and most people, you know, that are using acid, know this. You need to be with somebody that's just going to sit with you and reassure you in a quiet place. You don't need to go to the police and say, I did acid.

16:29 Adam He's just feeling out of it.

16:31 Adam No, he said, well, he said he's feeling anxious, a little paranoid at 14 years old. It's not like you feeling paranoid and anxious, Adam. It's terrifying because there's not a lifetime of bizarre activity such as you may have had to base the experience on.

16:47 Adam I don't appreciate you referring to my deviant rituals as bizarre activity.

16:51 Adam Would you like to refer to them for us? There's a witness.

16:57 Adam Well, can he hang out for a couple of days, see if the symptoms persist, and then if they do, go to the emergency room?

17:07 Adam I mean, I'm just, why not?

17:08 Adam I'm saying he's not going to the emergency room tonight. I know he's not.

17:11 Adam Can I ask him a question? Oh, great one.

17:13 Drew Hurry up, please.

17:14 Adam Controller the board. John?

17:17 Caller Yeah.

17:17 Drew Okay.

17:18 Adam Is there anybody that you feel comfortable just sitting down and talking to? Have you been by yourself since this happened? What have you been doing?

17:26 Caller Mostly, I've just been at home watching TV and stuff. But there's some of my friends.

17:30 Drew Yeah, there's the problem right there, man. Stop watching TV.

17:34 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Listen to Pink Floyd.

17:35 Drew Yeah. I mean, if you're going to be tripping, you might as well have a good time at it.

17:40 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah. Drink some tea and listen to Pink Floyd.

17:42 Adam Have you been able to sleep?

17:44 Caller Yeah, I've been able to sleep, but some weird-ass dreams come true.

17:47 Adam Yeah. An emergency room may be very threatening, difficult to get through when you're 14, but to be able to sit down and talk about what's going on.

17:56 Adam He is not going to go to the emergency room tonight.

17:58 Adam Okay. Well, maybe I'll go over and sit and talk to him on the phone during a break or something. That's what he needs. He needs to just vent, talk about it.

18:04 Adam All right. Well, you can go do that now, by the way. You can do it for the rest of the show.

18:09 Adam I don't think it's a good idea if I'm leaving you in here.

18:12 Drew All right.

18:13 Adam You'll talk to John during the break, right?

18:15 Adam I will.

18:15 Drew All right.

18:17 Adam I got to do Coke with the band, otherwise I would go over there and talk to him myself, you know, because I do care about the kids. Ray?

18:25 Adam Hello?

18:26 Adam Ray, you're 18. What's up?

18:27 Caller Yeah. First off, I want to say thank you. The show's quality, you know, this one and the Man Show.

18:33 Adam Thank you.

18:33 Caller Yeah, they're both pretty bad. I have a question.

18:36 Adam Hold on, Bruce. Bad means good, you know?

18:39 Adam Yeah, well, I've seen the Man Show songs.

18:40 Adam Go ahead. Oh, yeah. It doesn't bode with your Christian belief system.

18:46 Adam I sort of like that.

18:47 Caller Yesterday, when I was up with all these other guys who were blazing and we were just talking and one of them said, he goes, yeah, you can get infinite from smoking marijuana a lot just like you can with cigarettes. And I was just curious if that was true.

19:01 Adam Here's what I know from doing this show. Apparently, it can, cigarettes and maybe weed can affect some of these little blood vessels that supply the Pepe, but that's not for many, many years. You can, whatever negative effects marijuana has, it will far outweigh the impotency risk.

19:22 Drew Yeah, you'll probably get a brain tumor first before you'll see it.

19:25 Adam Well, you'll probably just not get a job or move out of the house.

19:28 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce I have started to get fat from eating too much.

19:31 Adam It tells your body, it tells your brain and your testicles that there's more testosterone around than there is, so they stop making it. So you grow boobs and you have your testicles shrink. And I guess the word, you're blazing means you're smoking a lot of it every day.

19:45 Adam But listen, here's the more immediate. He's a scare here, Ray. Yeah, the addiction. Listen, all the guys I know smoke a lot of weed and always smoke a lot of weed are still living at home for the most part. And here's how it affects your erection. You can get an erection, but you're gonna be the only one touching it. Because once you start getting your late 20s and early 30s, chicks just aren't turned on as much as they were about a guy still living at home and borrowing his mom's Vega wagon to go down to the store and turning in bottles for redemption value and that kind of stuff. To buy Twinkies.

20:21 Drew Yeah, it's really...

20:23 Adam All the guys I grew up with who smoked a lot of weed and continued to smoke a lot of weed are sort of in a little holding pattern. I don't know if they're unhappy. I don't...

20:32 Adam No, I mean, can we ask him what he thinks about what you're saying? And what I notice from my patients is when they're in the smoking phase, which can last till they're about 35 or 40, they are so sure that there's no problem that the reason they're living home with their parents is because they're doing a benevolent act to keep their parents sane or...

20:48 Adam Oh, listen, eventually with their parents... My friends, my friends are just waiting to turn the corner because they're like 34, 35, 36, right? Now, if they can stay at home just another two or three years, eventually your parents are living with you. Yeah. You see, you're living with your parents up until you're like 36. And then at a certain point, they're living with you because they're 80 and you're taking care of them. And people get that perception, you know? It's like when you hear a guy is 29, you go, that loser is living with his mom. But if the guy is 39 or 49, you go, hey, that's a nice guy. He's taking his mom in. Meanwhile, he's still in his room with the Yoda sheet.

21:28 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah, mowing the yard for his sower years.

21:30 Yeah, but I'm sure this guy will wreck it.

21:31 Adam The Ziphy Board leaned up against the wall.

21:34 Adam This guy, if you ask him, he'll invite you over to the Ziphy Board and sit in the room with it. He thinks it's great.

21:39 Adam I know.

21:40 Adam So there's this delusional thing when they smoke pot. They think, oh, this is wonderful.

21:44 Adam Let me tell you that, listen, pot is not inherently evil. You can smoke pot once in a while, just like you can do anything once in a while, no big deal. It ain't gonna kill you. It's not gonna make your penis fall off. You're not gonna grow a breast. Everything will be fine. But don't kid yourself. If you smoke out every day, you will be stunted emotionally, financially, and in every other way. And it will eventually catch up to you.

22:11 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Do you really want boobs?

22:12 Adam Right.

22:13 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce You know, think about that.

22:14 Adam But on the other hand, if you're gonna be at your folks' house in Stone, you might as well have some boobs.

22:18 Adam You know, how many?

22:19 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce I would never leave the house.

22:21 Adam Good point.

22:21 Adam If you're doing this, how many years with Drew, and you don't hear, you say one time is gonna hurt you, the person that smokes at that one time and gets that wonderful glow in their brain and it's like boom, something clicks and from that day on, that's what they want to go back to doing every single day.

22:35 Adam We're never gonna talk anyone out of smoking it for the first time.

22:39 Adam Yes. Listen, if the social-

22:42 Adam Stop the preaching.

22:43 Adam I'm not preaching.

22:43 Adam It's so early in the show.

22:44 Adam I've got more to say.

22:46 Adam Oh no. Nice rack.

22:48 Drew Grady.

22:50 Adam Grady.

22:51 Caller Yeah.

22:52 Adam You're 15. What's up there, Grady?

22:54 Caller I have a question for Wayne.

22:57 Okay.

22:58 Caller On average, per day, how much hairspray do you use?

23:02 Caller What would lead you to believe I use any hairspray at all?

23:06 Caller I've seen you guys live a couple of times. Pretty crazy hair.

23:10 Adam Wayne, by the way, his hair sticks up at its highest point. I'd say highest point of the hair from the highest point of the scalp, I got to go with about eight and a half, nine inches.

23:20 Caller Thank you.

23:22 Adam It's not a spiky look, it's more like a cartoon scared look. You know in cartoons when they get frighten, it's like, oh, my hair goes straight up.

23:31 Adam That's it. I don't think it's an unnatural look though. I think it's-

23:34 Adam It's becoming.

23:35 Adam It works. Yeah, I like it.

23:36 Adam But obviously something is holding it up there.

23:39 Caller Well, I can't really tell you because the few people that have found out in the past have turned up missing.

23:45 Adam Grady's worried about you, so he doesn't want to divulge that, all right?

23:49 Drew All right. We're concerned.

23:51 Adam Listen, not everybody, I don't know, don't some people use like toothpaste in their hair and...

23:56 Drew Oh, egg white, we've heard...

23:58 Caller I've heard just about everything.

23:59 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce A myriad of toothpaste and dirt mixtures.

24:03 Caller You know, people always want to tell me too, like how I should do my hair, like, oh, you should try 7Up. Like, well, do I look like I need to try 7Up?

24:13 Adam No, it ain't going anywhere. It is, but I mean, you don't sport that look all the time, do you? Every morning do you wake up and deal with that?

24:22 Caller When we're on tour, I do it every day.

24:24 Adam Oh yeah, I mean, if you're going to play every day, right?

24:25 Caller I mean, if I'm just sitting around the house, no, I don't do it, you know.

24:28 Adam No, just curlers and pink slippers.

24:30 Caller Yeah.

24:31 Adam That's what I do.

24:32 Caller Just think of the curlers.

24:33 Adam Pink curlers, pink slippers.

24:34 Drew Pink fuzzy bathrobe, you know.

24:35 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Actually, he's like that on the tour bus, too. We're trying to get him to quit.

24:38 Adam With the cotton balls between the white toes.

24:41 Adam Why don't you ask Adam to take his hat off?

24:42 Adam All right. Well, listen, if I take this hat off, I'm going to hit you like the skipper hits Gilligan. You understand?

24:51 Adam OK, skipper.

24:51 Adam OK, little buddy. Why don't you go? Why don't you go? Look at your hair. We're going to take a little break. Static-X is here. When we come back, we'll speak to David who's 14. He wants to know if there's any way to speed up the puberty process. We'll figure out how he can hurry up and get some hair on his back.

25:12 Caller Adam's elixir.

25:14 Adam We know how much the ladies enjoy that after this.

25:22 We'll be right back with more Loveline.

25:49 Adam It's the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Bruce filling in for Dr. Drew. And he showed up with his game face on tonight. It's not the lovable bumbling Dr. Bruce. I know and tolerate. This is the new Dr. Bruce. He's on his game. He's picking calls and taking numbers.

26:10 Caller 40 packs of sugar stacked up on the table there. You're ready to go.

26:13 Adam Oh, yeah. That's wired.

26:15 Adam I didn't snort him this time.

26:17 Adam Wayne, Tony and Ken are all here from Static X. We will hear something off of Wisconsin Death Trip. Their CD, which as I stated before, has just gone gold. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. We'll take a call and then we'll hear something off that CD. David?

26:32 Caller Yeah.

26:33 Adam So you want to know if there's any way to speed up the puberty process?

26:36 Adam Yeah.

26:37 Drew Why?

26:40 Caller Just like me and my friends want to know.

26:43 Adam Well, you want your penis to grow?

26:47 Caller Like hair and all that stuff.

26:49 Adam Yeah, and you're sort of interested in becoming a man a little quicker, right?

26:54 Caller Oh, yeah.

26:55 Adam All right. Bruce, steroids?

26:59 Adam No, there's no way to speed this process up. If you take steroids, you're probably going to delay it and set it up.

27:05 Caller Is there no pill or anything?

27:07 Adam No.

27:09 Caller This is one of the miracles of the...

27:10 Adam Hold on a second, wait. I mean, David, we're living in a wonderful time, but it's not that goddamn wonderful.

27:16 Caller Like pills for everything, right?

27:18 Adam No, they don't have a pill that will help you get into puberty. How old are you? And if they did, they wouldn't give it to you. Troublemaker.

27:25 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce How old are you guys? All your friends?

27:28 Caller 14, 15, 16.

27:29 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce What do you want to grow up so fast? Live with it, man. I mean, I know it's tough, but you know what?

27:35 Drew Yeah, trust us. Being an adult ain't all it's cracked up to be.

27:38 Adam No, it sucks.

27:39 Caller Yeah, it's great. But you can do what you want.

27:41 Adam I got hair in my ears. Does this guy get hair in your ears?

27:46 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce I mean, as soon as you turn 20, you're going to have to go buy clippers and stuff to like clipper all that excess hair you're going to grow on every year.

27:53 Adam Your whole body becomes like some sort of Yeah, I was going to say it's like some kind of yard, some sort of estate that you need a gardener to go over. And the second the gardener doesn't show up for a week or two and the whole place just goes to hell. Stuff growing out of your nose, your ass, your ears. It's a mess. My balls look like the chin of an old China man. It's true. I got to clip that every once in a while. I'll step on it if I don't.

28:24 Caller If you really want some more hair, just eat lots of potatoes.

28:29 Adam I think he's looking for more biceps more than his hair. It's kind of weird because it's funny at high school, when kids are 15 and 16, I remember some dudes had, some guys were like skinny as a rail and had a big Adam's apple, and I'm guessing like Dr. Bruce, pretty much just all nose and teeth and the wind could blow them on. They're essentially women without a vagina. Then there were dudes that were coming in about 230 with a goatee. It's like you're both 15 and a half, but one dude is 230 pounds, he's got a goatee, and the other guy is going buck 15, and he looks like one of the Mandrell sisters. It's a little cruel because eventually everyone will get caught up, but some guys make a move a little earlier than others. I don't remember those guys who were big and hairy and stuff when they were 14, 15 years old.

29:20 Caller I used to want to be like that so I could buy beer.

29:23 Adam Yeah, that was the dude who bought beer.

29:24 Drew That was my advantage. I was that guy.

29:28 Adam You're like a big hairy beer guy.

29:30 Drew That was me.

29:32 Adam When you bought beer, was there like one liquor store with some sort of bizarre ethnicity who was behind the counter, who you knew you could get the beer from if you sent the hairy dude in?

29:43 Drew Yeah.

29:43 Adam So you'd go to that liquor store?

29:45 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Oh, totally.

29:45 Drew Yeah.

29:45 Adam Bizarre ethnicity. What's bizarre ethnicity?

29:48 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce The 90-year-old redneck.

29:51 Adam No, I'm talking about...

29:53 Adam I'm afraid we're going down a different road.

29:55 Adam No, the ethnicity I'm talking about is that one you can't put a finger on. I call it the Johnny Quest villain ethnicity. Not quite sure. It could be Korean, Japanese, Chinese, a little Asian, but it's got a little Eastern European in there and a little Middle Eastern. Don't know what he is. All you know is he don't know what you are either. All he knows is you got some hair on you and you got a ten in your hand and he's giving you the beer.

30:22 Drew Oh, he not only would give you the beer, he'd help me carry it to the counter.

30:27 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Okay, now that's service. That's service.

30:30 Drew The liquor store.

30:32 Adam Think about what kind of effort it was to get a six pack. First of all, it's like everybody had to ante up. You couldn't buy your own six pack. It was like nine guys going in on it. Everyone was in for buck. Then you either had to go to drive across town, go to the liquor store with the weird Johnny Quest ethnicity or you had to stand out front until some old dude who was going to walk in, was going to go buy it for you. That was always a little dicey because you give the guy ten bucks, he gives you a buck fifty change and he gives you five beers back. It's 1978. Tell me a six pack of Miller is that 8.50?

31:10 Adam There's only five?

31:12 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce He usually said something like, It was all they had.

31:14 Caller It was all you could afford.

31:16 Adam He pretty much gave you a look like, What are you going to do? Kick my ass? Go back and play with your pogs, you little punks. All right, so what the hell? Let's listen to something from Static-X. Yes, that's what I wanted to say. Get the fans pumped up. This is off Wisconsin Death Trip. That's the name of the CD. And this track is called Push It. I don't know what that song is about, but I know you're going to hell. So, it's the only message I got. Static X is our guest tonight. That was just them. They'll be out with Power Man 5000. And if you're any fan of the show, you'll know that they were on the show last week. I'll tell you where you can find them, but not just yet. We'll take ourselves another call. Kyle?

34:44 Yeah.

34:44 Adam You're 16?

34:45 Caller Yeah.

34:46 Adam What's up? Hey, man.

34:47 Caller I'm from the Valley, too.

34:48 Adam All right.

34:49 Drew What part?

34:50 Caller West Hills. Like, I go to El Camino.

34:52 Adam Oh, yeah. They used to kick our ass when we played them in football.

34:56 Drew Man, you're the f*****.

34:58 Caller Sorry.

34:58 Adam Watch the F word, man.

34:59 Caller Sorry. You're the coolest though, Adam.

35:02 Adam Thanks.

35:03 Caller I just like to say, Bruce, any 16-year-old would do the threesome, man.

35:08 Adam Yeah. Especially you, right, Kyle?

35:10 Caller You know that.

35:11 Adam Okay. Hey, Kyle, let me tell you, let me give you your two or three-year mission. Get out of high school and move from the West Hills.

35:19 Caller Yeah, dude, you're telling me.

35:21 Adam Oh, I hate that dump.

35:22 Drew There's nothing to do.

35:23 Adam That is a dump. Oh, it's hotter than hell during the summer and everyone's ugly and it sucks. I hate the Valley. What a dump.

35:32 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce So you're telling them you shouldn't have a threesome there because everybody's ugly?

35:36 Adam Yeah.

35:37 Drew If you're going to have a threesome, don't do it in the Valley.

35:40 Adam The women from the Valley are good-looking, but they're stupid, but they're good-looking.

35:46 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Nothing wrong with that.

35:47 Adam Everyone, people from the Valley are good-looking. They're just dumb. I don't know what it is. It's like too many bovine growth hormone in the McDonald Burgers. I don't know what it does, but the women have big racks at 13 years old. Everyone's good-looking. It's just the dumbest stumps over there. All right, Kyle.

36:09 Adam Callous emergency.

36:10 Caller I like whack off a whole lot.

36:14 Drew Yeah, me too.

36:16 Caller My Johnson is like chapped almost.

36:19 Drew I don't know.

36:19 Caller It's all like dry.

36:21 Drew You might want to use some lubrication.

36:25 Caller Do you use lotion when you do it?

36:26 Caller No.

36:27 Adam You go for the dry run.

36:29 Caller Yeah.

36:30 Adam I don't know.

36:30 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce I don't like to clean up stuff.

36:32 Adam You don't like to clean up stuff?

36:34 Drew You kind of have to at the end, don't you?

36:35 Adam Yeah. What comes out of your d*** confetti?

36:41 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce That'd be rad, wouldn't it?

36:42 Drew Silly string.

36:44 Adam Wow. Man, that silly string would be awesome. Especially around New Year's. Really use that penis for something.

36:50 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Once again, I would never leave the house.

36:52 Adam Hey, Kyle. Yeah. You need to... How many times a day are you good for?

36:58 Caller Well, on the weekdays, it's usually like three times. And on the weekend, it's anywhere from like four to seven.

37:05 Adam All right. That's a pretty healthy average. But, you know, he's 16. He's from the Valley. He's probably about average. Are you sexually active?

37:14 Adam Uh, no.

37:15 Adam Who has time with that busy masturbatory?

37:18 Adam See if you can squeeze a woman in between his sixth and seventh on Saturday.

37:23 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce I'm a little tired.

37:26 Adam Okay.

37:26 Adam So believe me, you know, after you're done having yourself for like the sixth time, a couple of supermodels could walk in nude and you'd be like, honey, you're blocking the set. Get out of the way. Come on. What do you think this is? He's got to use a little lubrication. I think maybe he should slow down a little. And he should use a little lubrication.

37:45 Adam Right. I'm less concerned as he has not exposed his organ to the environment.

37:50 Adam He hasn't seen anything but his hand. Are you kidding me?

37:54 Adam I don't know why he talks the way he does.

37:56 Adam Maybe he's from the valley.

37:58 Adam Maybe he's strangely stupid.

37:59 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce I think he just strained himself.

38:01 Adam Yeah. And Liz, I swear, don't be careful. Not everything is a good lubricant. That's what I want to say. You know, Prel, all guys have had a run-in with shampoo. Guys think anything that's liquid is a lubricant and that's when they run into trouble.

38:20 Drew Avoid vape rub in all kinds of ways. That's right.

38:27 Adam Sarah?

38:28 Yeah.

38:28 Adam You're 17.

38:30 Caller Yeah, I have a question because I want to know why my boyfriend dumped me after one month. I think it's because I had oral sex with him on the third date, but I wanted to know was that a part of it? I mean, he broke up with me because he told me that I was just too different. But I want to know what that means, like in guy terms. I don't understand.

38:48 Adam Well, most guys, I mean, it's not most guys' strategy to break up with people that provide plenty of oral sex. At least, no guy I know.

39:00 Adam How old is he? How old was he?

39:01 Caller Oh, he's the same age as me, 17.

39:03 Adam And you say different. How are you different?

39:06 Caller Well, I mean, we're different because he's, I don't know, he's into computers and I'm like more into politics. And he's kind of, I don't know, we were like different. I'm from northern California. He's from southern California. I used to play a lot of jokes with him, like, oh, north is better than south. And I guess he didn't like that. And I was really happy.

39:22 Adam No, no, he doesn't care about any of that.

39:25 Drew No, worse started over with you.

39:26 Adam No, he just, he just tired once to break up. That's all.

39:30 Adam Has he had sex yet? Further than oral sex?

39:33 Caller No, I've had sex first. And he wants to wait till marriage.

39:36 Adam Right.

39:37 Adam Have you had?

39:38 Caller No, I haven't. I was almost ready to do it with him. I'm glad I didn't, but I almost did.

39:44 Adam Yeah.

39:45 Caller And I don't know, I had oral sex with him on the third day, but I don't know, was that part of it? Like the reason? I don't know.

39:53 Adam He's probably a little more conservative than you, but I would really chalk this one up to the whole part, the whole Northern Southern California thing. I mean, that's a pretty big hurdle to get over. They talk about the difficulties of interracial dating, but they never talk about being from the northern part of a state and the southern part of the state, and you can't get past that. Whether we're talking about Iowa, New Jersey, or California, someone from the north, the other guy from the south, it's a civil war.

40:22 Caller That's really what's going on.

40:23 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Well, just never date anybody from New Jersey anyway.

40:27 Adam I mean, this is a great example of what it means to be 17. Those kind of things, it sounds really quite ridiculous what attracts one person to the other, and that's why it's not a good idea to start having sex, which really attracts people.

40:40 Adam Listen, calm down with the anti-sex message for a second. Let me just say this because we got to go to break. When somebody breaks up with you, especially when you're 16, 17 years old, they just want to break up. They can say it's because you're in the computers and I'm into politics or whatever nonsense they want to put forward, but the bottom line is don't question it. They want to break up, get over it, move on.

41:02 Adam Do you even want a chance of those two having a baby?

41:04 Adam Quiet down.

41:05 Adam They don't want to be having a baby.

41:07 Adam We're going to attempt to have a baby in the parking lot after the show.

41:10 Adam Well, you'll be delivering it, buddy, out of your own.

41:14 Adam I will be delivering it.

41:15 Adam Just like the alien right out of your own.

41:17 Adam I will be delivering the mail. Don't you worry. You just hold still.

41:20 Adam The mailman coming.

41:21 Adam You just hang on to the towel bar. We'll be back after this.

41:26 Adam The towel bar will be up here.

41:27 Adam All right. Calm down now.

41:28 Adam Come on.

41:29 Adam What about your Hippocratic hug?

41:30 Adam We'll be back.

42:07 Adam Loveline. Wayne, Tony, and Ken are all here from Static-X. They're gonna be doing a little tour with Power Man 5000. I'll give the dates at 11 o'clock hour. We'll also hear something else off the Wisconsin Death Trip CD. Dr. Bruce filling in for Dr. Drew, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1 Snoop Dogg later on in the week. So you'll want to check that out.

42:37 Drew In the hell. In the hells.

42:39 Adam And Mark is 16 and on the phone. Mark?

42:44 Caller Yeah, I'm 18 actually.

42:45 Adam Oh, sorry. Yeah, it says that. I just screwed it up.

42:48 Caller Yeah, I got these two like white sores in my mouth. Actually, I get them like kind of frequently. And they're like kind of like pitted out and they hurt really bad. And I don't know what they are, but I don't know what I can do to get rid of them.

42:59 Adam Tell me canker sores. Have you had a doctor look at them?

43:01 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce They're kind of like canker sores, I guess.

43:03 Caller No, I haven't had them looked at, but they're like reoccurring, you know?

43:05 Adam Yeah, canker sores commonly are.

43:07 Caller And I've heard you can like take like lysine and stuff to make them better.

43:10 Adam But yeah, it really helps.

43:11 Caller And I've had the ones I have right now.

43:13 Caller I've had for like four or five days and they're not going away. And they're really painful.

43:18 Adam Right. They're various. I've read articles where they advocate gargling, swishing, tetracycline in your mouth. I mean, not that I'm advising you to do that, but they're whenever there are multiple very diverse treatments for something, usually there's not one treatment that works real well. And so the important thing though is there are different things that can cause sores in your mouth. And you should have somebody look at it because as with your skin, any kind of lesion really has to be visualized and sometimes cultured, sometimes take a scraping of it to tell exactly what's causing it. And the treatment would be very different if it were a virus, because it's thought that...

43:57 Adam Why, who's it go to? Like an ear, nose and throat guy?

44:00 Adam Really a family practitioner, internist or emergency department.

44:05 Adam That's not... Oh, they'll go to the emergency room.

44:07 Adam Right, I know. And I'm not advocating that, but I mean very commonly, yeah, about half of what we see is not an emergency.

44:12 Adam Yeah. Now that's, I mean, you work at the ER. Half the people in there shouldn't be in there, right? Yeah.

44:19 Adam Or there's some psychiatric underlying, underpinnings.

44:24 Adam But do you see them in the order of importance? The severity?

44:27 Adam Yeah.

44:27 Adam And who figures that out? Because...

44:29 Adam The triage nurse.

44:31 Adam Can we... Can she be bought?

44:34 Adam I mean, well, I mean, can we grease her palm just a little bit? What's she making in a week?

44:39 Caller Nurse, this really hurts.

44:40 Adam Well, yeah.

44:41 Adam And then if you have the...

44:42 Adam And she's like, how bad? And you're like, what are you doing? It hurts about 40 bucks. What do you think?

44:49 Adam And then, of course, the radio runs when the ambulance calls come in, those bypass the triage nurse and they come back to the...

44:55 Adam Yeah, see, to me, it's like I've been to the emergency room a few times and I want it to be first come first serve. I don't care if I got a splinter in my big toe and some guy comes in riddled with bullet holes. It's like, buddy, I've been here for two hours.

45:08 Adam There's lots of guys like you.

45:09 Adam I just sit down and bleed until I get my splinter taken out.

45:12 Drew Here's a sponge. Sit down.

45:13 Adam Yeah, here's some bedsheets. Make yourself a tourniquet. Oh, man, I used to go to nothing but like free clinics and, you know, County USC and stuff. Oh, you just sit there for hours while people die next to you and hobos vomit up stuff. I mean, it's such a- Die of old age. I went to emergency room once with a throat that was so swollen and so red that I really was having trouble breathing and stuff and I sat there for about two hours and I basically, I just linked home. All right, I understand.

45:49 Drew I want some cheese to go with that wine.

45:52 Adam Ryan, a point is I got up and left you guys were so slow.

45:57 Drew Yeah.

45:57 Adam Ryan, you're 23.

45:59 Caller Yeah.

45:59 Adam What's up?

46:01 Caller Well, I got a kind of a situation. My girlfriend can have an orgasm in 30 seconds when she's in the bathtub under the nozzle. Right. But I could do just about anything you ask and no dice.

46:17 Adam She called last time I was here.

46:19 Adam Really?

46:19 Caller Yeah.

46:20 Adam Hey, Ryan.

46:21 Caller Yeah.

46:22 Adam Hang on a second.

46:23 Caller All right.

46:23 Adam Okay. So the situation is girlfriend masturbates in the tub, has an orgasm in 30 seconds. With Ryan, he does everything including oral sex, Ryan?

46:36 Caller Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

46:37 Adam And nothing?

46:38 Caller Nothing. Well, I mean, she says she gets close, but she can't.

46:42 Drew Close, but no cigar, huh?

46:43 Caller Yeah.

46:44 Adam Yeah. How's the size of the cigar, by the way? I just had a curiosity.

46:50 Caller It's fair.

46:50 Caller I mean, you know, nothing.

46:53 Adam Fair on the radio means small. You know what I mean? It's like, hey, you're on the radio. You guys are going to jumbo. Who's going to call you? Yeah, you want me to put it on? It's in the next room. It bats a lot of college basketball, so it's in the next room watching Sports Center. But I think I can coax it back in here if I hold some food out or something. I can leave a trail of popcorn. It should come back. All right, we're going to take a little break. And when we come back, we'll talk to Ryan, see if we can figure out a way to give us a gallon of orgasm. Static X is here. We'll be back after that.

47:32 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Love line, the Batcrawler and Dr. Drew will be right back before you know it.

48:08 Adam We'll be back with more of the program in just ten seconds.

48:28 Adam All right, it's back with more Loveline. Dr. Bruce is filling in for Dr. Drew, but don't worry, he's perfectly qualified. Static-X is our guest tonight.

48:37 Drew And we're not qualified.

48:39 Adam Wayne, but they sure are qualified to rock. Wayne, Tony, and Kent, hey, that's a good name for an album.

48:47 Caller Qualified to rock.

48:50 Adam Sounds like one of those late night compilations.

48:53 Drew Only available through the special TV.

48:56 Caller Speaking of compilations, we are on a KTEL compilation now.

48:59 Drew Yeah. Are you?

49:00 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah, it's called Qualified to Rock.

49:02 Caller It's called like, it's got some evil name like grinding through, I don't know what it's called. It's got like a bunch of heavy bands on it. But I thought it was pretty cool. We got asked to be on KTEL.

49:13 Adam Yeah.

49:14 Caller That was when I first heard of Black Sabbath, it was on a KTEL compilation.

49:17 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah, but if you remember right, all those KTEL things, they were all at different speeds or whatever, you could play it and be like, why doesn't this sound like Black Sabbath?

49:24 Adam Well, they used to cover the song so that the band, so that the song sounded sort of close, but there was something a little bit off and you realize it was the same band doing all the songs. But I think they've done away with that. I think the population has demanded that. Static X can be found on, what was it?

49:46 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce I can't remember what it's called.

49:48 Adam Grinding Through the Millennium or Grinding Your Heads. You know what I like about those commercials is when they do them, they have a bunch of actors who would be at the club that that band would be playing at, except for it's never quite right. If there's not enough of them, the budget isn't high enough. I always just think, just show us the goddamn songs so we can either buy it or not and go home. I don't need to see other people enjoying it to then realize I might enjoy it as well. Commercials do that with everything. Whenever they do a cold commercial, they got someone sneezing and stuffed up, they're miserable, I'm aching. I'm thinking to myself, do they think we're not going to know what a cold is unless we see somebody with a cold or do we actually think this actor has a cold? What are they trying to convey? You know what I mean? I've had a stuffed up nose with congestion and achiness and fever and I'll take their product if it works on that. I don't need to see someone who's stopped up and achy.

50:53 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Although, you got to admit, it would be pretty funny to have a beer commercial if there was just somebody really wasting. Just like cans laying around them and he's watching wrestling.

51:06 Adam That's a very good point because it's the only commercial where they don't absorb the product. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. I would buy a beer if I thought it got me loaded better. And that should be an angle. It's where the water comes from or the choice hops or the barley. I want one that gets you f'ed up. That's it.

51:27 Drew It should be pushing the alcohol.

51:28 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah.

51:29 Adam What about the guy walking into the guy's house with a six pack? I'm always thinking, what?

51:34 Adam The hot looking chick who shows up at the apartment with a six pack?

51:37 Adam What are you thinking?

51:38 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Well, first of all, the hot woman shows up at anybody's house in real life. She's going to get in for free. She doesn't have to bring the six pack.

51:47 Adam She can bring a bucket of vomit.

51:49 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Oh, come on in.

51:50 Adam Hey, brought the vomit. Set that down.

51:53 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Beer's right over there.

51:55 Adam The other good thing in beer commercials is they act like there's just one six pack and you've got to get it. Meaning, I bought this six pack, I put on. Now, my roommate, he's outside and we're on the third story and he's on a trampoline and he's going to bounce off the roof of the neighboring building to try to get up to the third story to grab it. It's like, hey, how about you just go down to the Circle Cave, plop down three bucks and get your own six pack? It's always that one six pack. He wants my beer. Well, you know, much like... I'm going to put a guard by the refrigerator so he won't get it.

52:22 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Much like the North-South thing a while ago, many civil wars have started because of a six pack of beer.

52:28 Adam I think you could go to work for one of these companies. Wisconsin Death Trip is the name of the CD. Static-X is the band.

52:38 Adam Yeah, we'll go to that one because it's a segue.

52:40 Adam Well, take a call for the band.

52:43 Drew Derek? Hey. Hey.

52:46 Caller Adam, I just got to say one thing.

52:48 Caller The man shows awesome and you're my role model.

52:51 Adam Thank you.

52:51 Adam Hey, what about me?

52:53 Caller Yeah, you too.

52:54 Caller Static-X, you're awesome.

52:55 Caller And I want to know, how'd you guys get your name?

52:58 Caller Um, it's really hard to come up with a name. It seems like all the good ones have been taken. It took us a long time to come up with that name. But we just took the word static just because we thought it was a cool word. And it kind of has two meanings. It could be something as static when it's just totally still, or it could just mean like chaos, like, you know, like static on the radio or something. Yeah. And the X, you know, it just sounds cool. It's like extreme or experimental.

53:25 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce And it means no guitar solos. X out the guitar solos.

53:29 Drew All right, Derek.

53:31 Adam You playing a band?

53:32 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce No, I'm trying to make one now.

53:34 Drew All right.

53:35 Adam Let me give you the name of the band once you started. All right.

53:38 Drew Okay.

53:39 Adam If it's a heavy metal band.

53:40 Drew Okay.

53:41 Adam Narthex. No one has used it to the best of my knowledge. That's just a rockin band. Narthex. It's supposed to be, I think it's the name of the cross, like where it crosses, where the intersection on the cross is. That's what I hear. That's heavy. That is. Yeah. You know they rock that Narthex.

54:05 Adam Nimrod.

54:07 Adam Michelle?

54:08 Caller Yeah.

54:09 Adam You're 16.

54:10 Caller 15.

54:11 Adam I'm sorry. I keep doing that tonight.

54:13 Caller It's okay.

54:13 Adam What's up?

54:15 Caller Well, I'll tell you what happened. I was at my boyfriend's house tonight and we were laying on his bed and he was singing me and my arm went numb. They fell asleep. And we weren't like in a position where he was cutting off the circulation of my arm or I was in an awkward position. I was flat on my back.

54:34 Adam Like one of those Spock-like pressure points.

54:38 Adam How long did that last?

54:40 Caller Well, actually, he was only going at it for about five minutes and then we got interrupted by his little brother knocking on the door. So I had to stop and I figured out because I can't button up my shirt, my arms are numb.

54:52 Adam Both arms?

54:53 Caller Yeah, both.

54:54 Adam Yeah. Now were you...

54:56 Adam You're hyperventilating.

54:57 Adam Yeah, were you enjoying yourself?

55:00 Caller Yeah, it was like actually my first time.

55:03 Adam Were you getting close to orgasm?

55:06 Caller Um, I don't think so, but it was going on for about four or five minutes and then my arms just went numb.

55:11 Adam Yeah, because you know, see, sometimes when people are getting into sex, their breathing changes, they hyperventilate and then their extremities kind of go numb. Sometimes they even go temporarily blind.

55:23 Caller Wow.

55:24 Adam Yeah.

55:25 Caller Well, I wasn't hyperventilating. I was breathing a little bit harder, but...

55:28 Adam Well, hyperventilating is not something you're conscious of. Many people that hyperventilate, you have to show them an actual measurement of the gases in their blood for them to believe it. So it's not something that you have to be... That's panting, not panting, but it's... You're getting rid of carbon dioxide in your blood more efficiently than normal. Dropping that level changes some of the... Who's that?

55:53 Adam I've never heard that sound before. What was that?

55:55 Adam That's somebody in the other room.

55:56 Adam Is that what a woman sounds like when she's...

55:59 Drew Interesting.

56:01 Adam How old's your boyfriend?

56:02 Caller He's 15 too.

56:04 Adam Okay. So Michelle was probably that.

56:08 Caller So it's normal and everything?

56:09 Adam Yeah. I would pass the dangerous radio doctor. I think it's okay.

56:15 Drew Take it easy.

56:16 Adam Try not to breathe next time.

56:19 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce And just remember, his arm's probably numb too now, so...

56:22 Drew Yeah.

56:23 Adam All right, Michelle. That's what that is, right?

56:26 Drew Yeah. All right.

56:27 Adam Now, I forgot to get back to Ryan, by the way. Pardon me for belching. Who's 23 and was talking about his girlfriend who has an orgasm in 30 seconds when she's in the tub under the water, right?

56:40 Drew Right.

56:41 Adam But when she's with you, when she's topside on land, nothing, right?

56:49 Caller Yeah. Well, not nothing. I mean, she says she gets close, but she can't finish otherwise.

56:55 Drew Right.

56:55 Adam And there's a fair amount of women who do this, and they never seem to have any trouble in the tub, though. I love that.

57:02 Caller No, not at all.

57:03 Adam Women love the tub. I don't even think it's the water. I was talking about this last week. I think it's just the tub. They love the ins, you know, the feel of the cold porcelain. Yeah. No, women, you know, they women like go shopping and go, oh, that'd be good in the tub.

57:19 Caller Look at that for the tub.

57:21 Adam Yeah, we'll put that in the tub. I'll put that next to the tub. I'll put that in the tub. I'll dump some of these oils into the tub. It's gonna be great. Oh, it's gonna smell good. Yeah, and then we're gonna light some candles and get in the tub.

57:33 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce That's why Bed Bath & Beyond is so huge.

57:37 Adam In this case, she's able to stimulate the specific place that she knows works and she's doing it herself. And she's probably been doing this for a long time and gotten very good at it. And how long have you been going out with her?

57:48 Caller About six months.

57:49 Adam Okay, so, how's the relationship? I mean, getting along well with her once.

57:53 Caller The relationship is really good.

57:55 Adam Maybe she needs to stop doing that for a while and work on the technique with you.

57:59 Caller Okay.

58:00 Drew Why don't you go in there and watch her?

58:01 Caller Yeah, well, that's, well, you know, I have. And I've, you know, and that is really good. And I, you know, have a good time with that. But it's just not quite the same.

58:11 Adam Yeah, well, the problem-

58:12 Drew Well, I mean, you watch her to learn where exactly she's stimulating herself. And then you can do it.

58:17 Adam Yeah, you turn the hose on her, yeah.

58:19 Adam In this case, we know the mechanical, everything's working, so it's-

58:22 Adam Yeah, but the problem with the water is, is, you know, I could see if she was manually stimulating herself with her fingers or something, and you could go, all right, well, there's a sweet spot. I'll just go ahead and sort of replicate that with my finger or my tongue or whatever it is I'm using. But water, it's kind of hard to compete with that because you can never really replicate that.

58:44 Caller Well, you should at least go in there and be a part of what she's doing and enjoy it. And then if she needs to finish off with that, then that's all good.

58:51 Adam How does she feel? Is she real concerned about it or is she just watching your frustration?

58:56 Adam I put them on hold.

58:57 Drew Oh, you put them on hold?

58:58 Adam Yeah, I mean, who cares? Wes?

59:01 Adam Yo.

59:01 Adam You're 15.

59:03 Caller Yeah. On Saturday, me and my girlfriend decided to have sex. And when time came up, after I had the condom on and everything, I couldn't get it up.

59:14 Adam And did you, were you up before you tried to put the condom on?

59:20 Caller No, I was like, the whole time, like during, I was trying to get it up, she's like, I was like, I asked my friend, you know, he was sitting outside, I was like, dude, how do you get it up? Like, you're dirty, man. You're dirty.

59:31 Drew I was like, wait a minute, your friend was standing outside?

59:34 Caller Well, he didn't want to go out.

59:36 Caller He said, dude, you can like come in here and watch or whatever. He's like, dude, you're dirty, you're dirty. He sat outside and just like got McDonald's and stuff.

59:44 Adam Your friend was outside the room while you were trying to lose your virginity?

59:49 Caller Yeah.

59:50 Adam And how was your girlfriend with him being outside the room that way?

59:54 Caller She was cool. She's like not a virgin, but she's done pornos and stuff before.

1:00:00 Adam How old is she?

1:00:01 Caller She's 14.

1:00:02 Drew Oh, she's done pornos.

1:00:06 Adam What do you mean she's done pornos before?

1:00:08 Caller Well, she claims she's done one of them before, and her friend was videotaping. She's okay with people looking and stuff when we're doing it.

1:00:16 Adam Oh, boy.

1:00:16 Adam So she was molested on tape. That's great. Maybe we could find a film and do something about it. Well, listen.

1:00:22 Adam Try to sell it or something?

1:00:23 Adam Yeah. Now, doctors don't do things like that.

1:00:25 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce I'm thinking on the Internet, especially if it's autographed.

1:00:28 Drew We can get like 20 bucks on eBay.

1:00:31 Adam Listen, Wes, sex is a wonderful thing, and it should be part of a committed relationship. And it sounds like your brain and your penis is a little smarter than the one upstairs in this case, because it knows not to proceed with the functional.

1:00:45 Drew Your little head's smarter than your big head.

1:00:47 Adam Yeah.

1:00:47 Adam Well, it's certainly scared and confused.

1:00:50 Adam Right.

1:00:51 Adam I don't know how smart it is.

1:00:52 Adam Okay. Well, I'll need it. But Wes, a lot of problems here. I mean, this girl has real problems. And you're just contributing to it. You just want to lose your virginity. That's the only reason for the act. It's, you know, not the way.

1:01:04 Adam Maybe he loves her. Do you love her, Wes?

1:01:07 Caller Well, you can say that. She's been through a lot. And I've been through the same things. And, all right.

1:01:12 Adam Have you been to a counselor? I mean, really, it's losing your virginity. It's you watch a movie and it's like it's a big joke, but it's a serious thing. And it takes a lot of, you know, your nervous system has to have a lot of things going correctly for the plumbing to work, so to speak. And it's maybe it's just saying, hey, this isn't the right time, this isn't the right place, this isn't the right person.

1:01:34 Adam Hey, Wes?

1:01:36 Adam Yeah?

1:01:36 Adam Yeah, don't freak yourself out too much, though, because it's never going to work.

1:01:39 Adam It's got nothing to do with... You have no...

1:01:42 Adam This penis is never going to work?

1:01:43 Adam Listen, here's the deal.

1:01:45 Adam You got about a 50-50 chance of your Johnson going along with the plan your first time out of the shoot. Really it's a coin toss, about 50-50. Here's the problem. If it doesn't work the first time, the second time, it's now 90-10. Because it had that bad experience the first time. If you didn't get it up the first time, the second time, you ain't going to get it up for sure. I don't know why the penis has to have this attitude problem, but it seems to. We talk to guys like this all the time. The last encounter they have is weighing in to the next encounter. And if it was successful, they go in with a certain amount of momentum. And if it wasn't...

1:02:28 Drew It's like it feels depressed because of its past failure. It doesn't want to even attempt it the second time around.

1:02:35 Adam It's not a confident penis.

1:02:36 Adam But this is a tragic situation. This 14-year-old girl has been in a porno film. That is horrible. That's a molestation.

1:02:44 Adam Well, she hasn't. Here's what happened.

1:02:46 Adam One of her friends videotaped her, but she shouldn't be... Who knows who she's having sex with? And this guy just wants to lose his virginity, it's...

1:02:54 Adam And by the way, with everybody having a video camera and a VCR these days...

1:03:00 Caller Just about everyone's been...

1:03:01 Adam Isn't everybody being one? I mean, think about it, though. When you're 16 years old, 15 years old, you get yourself a girlfriend, you start getting it on, and there's a camcorder in the next room. I mean, do the math. It's gonna happen.

1:03:18 Adam Yeah, but it's gonna happen more and more and more. If you can get out of the corner and video store and buy it, that's a different story.

1:03:22 Adam That's true, too.

1:03:24 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce I think they just taped it, but I think one of the other things that we forgot to tell this kid, too, is I think he was worried about the condom actually being the cause of the problem of him not being able to get it up.

1:03:34 Caller That probably was not the cause.

1:03:35 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Make sure you have a condom.

1:03:36 Adam Oh, yes. That's not it.

1:03:38 Caller You were just nervous. It's your first time. There's a lot to be nervous about. Your friend is sitting outside the door listening. It's just... You were just nervous. Don't worry about it. There's nothing wrong with you.

1:03:46 Drew Yeah. Next time, just try it without your friend outside or something.

1:03:51 Adam You know what I tell people? I know this sounds ridiculous and most of the things I say sound ridiculous. But this is one of my good ideas, along with the venereal crotch sniffing dogs that I'm going to train. These are the two things I'm very passionate about. What I'm talking about is guys should, especially guys that are in the rookie phase with the ladies who plan on putting a condom on, they got a beautiful boner going the whole night, then it's stop, let me put the condom on, uh-oh, the penis isn't cooperating, the night's screwed up. I would practice putting the condom on when I was alone. I would take three or four condoms, I'd put them on the side of the bed, and for a few nights, before I went to bed, when I was having at myself, I'd stop right in the middle, put the condom on, and keep going. That way the penis gets used to stopping, having the condom put on, it's not frightened.

1:04:44 Adam When you were how old?

1:04:46 Adam This was later on.

1:04:48 Adam This is now.

1:04:48 Adam Yeah, do this now.

1:04:50 Adam But really, he shouldn't have to...

1:04:51 Adam Alright.

1:04:52 Adam At 14 and 15, I know I've heard Drew say this, the brain circuitry is not all there for experiencing the sex at completely, and the girls, a 14 year old girl, she is simply being victimized. I mean, she's not even experiencing it.

1:05:09 Adam Joe, alright, we're all going to hell. Joe? Joe, Joe, hang on.

1:05:14 Adam Fell asleep.

1:05:14 Adam You're, oh, is he snoring?

1:05:18 Adam Oh, I like, here, we've had white dots, I want some orange dots here.

1:05:22 Adam Alright, I think Joe's taking a nap, we'll try to get back with him. Alex?

1:05:28 Caller Yeah, I got these like orange dots on my penis, they're just like in one spot.

1:05:36 Caller Have you washed it?

1:05:37 Caller Yeah, I washed it and everything like that.

1:05:39 Adam Was that Cheetos joke I used to hear?

1:05:42 Adam Yeah, you wash your hands after snacking.

1:05:45 Drew Yeah, you might want to keep your penis out of the Cheetos bag.

1:05:47 Adam Okay, seriously, you're 13, have you been sexually active? Is there a chance that you've contracted something?

1:05:53 Caller I haven't been sexually active, I just like masturbate.

1:05:57 Adam Alright, so it wouldn't be...

1:06:00 Adam Whether it's orange or...

1:06:01 Adam It wouldn't be a venereal disease.

1:06:03 Adam No, sometimes folliculitis, where there are little hairs at the base of the penis, there's some inflammation, there are various normal variants. Again, there's nothing like having the doctor take a look at exactly what we're discussing because there are so many different types of skin problems you can have, but at 13 years old, I doubt it's the masturbation. It's not sexually active.

1:06:27 Adam Don't worry about it, stop obsessing. Brett, run it off. Well, I have 24-hour erections. You're 19, what's going on? You have what?

1:06:37 Caller I have 24-hour erections, they won't go away.

1:06:40 Adam So by the way, if you have a 24-hour erection, doesn't that mean a 48, a 72, and just a lifetime worth of erection?

1:06:48 Drew So it never goes down?

1:06:51 Caller All day I have an erection, then I'll wake up the next morning, it'll be gone. It happens once or twice a week.

1:06:56 Drew Mm-hmm.

1:06:57 Adam And do you have a woman? Do you have a girlfriend?

1:07:01 Caller No.

1:07:02 Adam No. That's a shame. That's a shame. You know, it's like walking around a five-gallon bucket of gas and not having a car. Just dragging it around all day and never having any kind of car. You walk around with this boner, nothing to do with it.

1:07:18 Adam Do you have nocturnal emissions? Do you have?

1:07:21 Caller I have had them before, but...

1:07:23 Adam Do you masturbate on a regular basis?

1:07:26 Caller Not that much.

1:07:29 Adam What if you masturbate with this erection? Will it go away?

1:07:32 Caller No.

1:07:33 Adam No. That's bad because after you're done masturbating, you don't want to see that thing.

1:07:38 Adam Is this a sudden change or has this always been this way?

1:07:42 Caller Just the past few months.

1:07:43 Adam Okay.

1:07:44 Adam Have you taken anything?

1:07:46 Adam No.

1:07:48 Adam What's that called? Priapism?

1:07:49 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:07:49 Adam Well, he doesn't have priapism. The erection is there and you have to have surgery too.

1:07:56 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Isn't it painful too?

1:07:59 Adam Yeah. It's very painful.

1:08:00 Adam You have the surgery for what?

1:08:03 Adam The engorgement of the blood in the tissues require surgery to get the blood out essentially. So there are certain medications that can cause that.

1:08:15 Adam So what's causing this?

1:08:17 Drew I don't know.

1:08:19 Adam I would talk to your family physician. I would suspect you'd refer to a urologist.

1:08:24 Caller Well, I'm in a wheelchair so it's not that big of a problem. No one can really see it but I just want to know if it's probably harmful or...

1:08:30 Adam Okay.

1:08:32 Adam Why are you in a wheelchair?

1:08:33 Drew Oh, I have a muscular dystrophy.

1:08:35 Adam Oh, okay.

1:08:36 Adam Okay. Well, that's...

1:08:37 Adam Some kids just, you know, they just don't want to work.

1:08:40 Drew Yeah.

1:08:40 Adam You're not on any medications.

1:08:41 Drew I always wanted to get one of those, you know, electric ones.

1:08:43 Adam So...

1:08:44 Caller Hey, if you want to try my wheelchair, I'll be at your concert at Portland.

1:08:47 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce All right.

1:08:48 Drew All right. Yeah.

1:08:49 Adam Yeah. Why not?

1:08:50 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Make sure you come up and say hi. I know a couple of girls that would probably like to meet you.

1:08:54 Adam Does... Yeah. So you have muscular dystrophy, so you're in the wheelchair.

1:09:01 Drew Yeah.

1:09:02 Adam And are you on any medication or anything for that that could cause this?

1:09:06 Caller No. My disease is like a joke. They never, like, when I go in, they're just like, oh, hi, it's nice to see you've been waiting for two hours out the door.

1:09:13 Drew There's nothing we can really do.

1:09:15 Caller That's it?

1:09:16 Adam What about Jerry Lewis? Doesn't he do something for this?

1:09:20 Caller Yeah. Supposedly there's studies going on, but it's kind of like crapshoot at the moment. Nothing. I've seen nothing.

1:09:25 Adam And how does it manifest itself other than you being in the wheelchair?

1:09:28 Caller Well, it started when I was about nine. It's progressively my muscles became weaker and weaker to the point where I had to get in a wheelchair. Like if you're walking around and like someone barely tapped me, I fall over and I can't get back up.

1:09:40 Adam Now, can you experience a sensation and stuff when you have an orgasm?

1:09:44 Caller Yeah.

1:09:45 Adam All right. Well, that's all right. You're fine. But now you still got to roll into a urologist and figure out what's going on with the penis, right?

1:09:54 Caller OK.

1:09:54 Adam You think it's connected to the MD?

1:09:58 Adam Oh, boy. I don't really know to tell you the truth. I'm not an expert at muscular dystrophy. It's a progressive muscle degeneration that occurs, and it's a terminal problem.

1:10:07 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce But could it be that it affects the blood flow in some way?

1:10:11 Adam It certainly could. The nervous system shouldn't be affected there. But I guarantee he has a couple of physicians that he sees on a regular basis. And any change like that needs to be followed up right away.

1:10:26 Adam Daniel?

1:10:27 Caller Yeah?

1:10:27 Adam You're 15?

1:10:28 Caller Yeah.

1:10:29 Adam All right. Is your voice changing right now?

1:10:32 Caller Huh?

1:10:33 Adam Okay. What's going on?

1:10:35 Caller I don't know.

1:10:36 Caller Is my serration cause acne?

1:10:39 Adam Can it cause acne?

1:10:41 Caller On your penis, you mean?

1:10:42 Caller No, on my face.

1:10:43 Adam No.

1:10:43 Adam Well, if you hit yourself in the face, it can cause...

1:10:46 Adam No.

1:10:46 Adam I got pink eye once.

1:10:48 Adam But with puberty...

1:10:49 Adam I told that son of a bitch to point it the other way. But they always say the same thing. Don't worry about it.

1:10:54 Drew Just relax. I'll tell you when it's coming.

1:10:59 Caller I also want to know when the Snoop Dogg is coming.

1:11:01 Adam Snoop Dogg is coming in at the end of the week.

1:11:07 Adam Do you have pretty severe acne? Do you have a real problem with acne? Yeah. Do you see a doctor and get any medication for that? No. Okay. There's really good medication available. In this day and age, if you have access to a physician, which everybody should, there's great treatment for it.

1:11:28 Adam Here's my take on this. Everyone thinks fried food or chocolate or masturbating, or cleaning your skin, or whatever, whether drinking a lot of water. But the bottom line is, I always knew people who got zits and ones that didn't. The ones that got zits didn't seem to do anything any different than the ones that didn't. It was a total sort of genetic crapshoot. I knew kids that, you know, they would wash M&M's down with Yoo-hoo and then rub a Big Mac on their face. They wouldn't actually eat the Big Mac, they'd just rub it on their face and they wouldn't get a zit. And then their guys are constantly, you know, they're cleaning their face, they're drinking all the water, everything, they got zits. That's just a genetic hand that you could tell, right?

1:12:14 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Actually, I have a theory behind it and I mean, I wouldn't tell everybody to try this, but I had the same problem until I was a junior and senior in high school and then when I started skipping classes, I noticed that, you know, pretty much cleared up. So I think it's actually the fluorescent lights in school.

1:12:32 Adam Interesting.

1:12:32 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce That causes...

1:12:33 Caller It's probably the stress related.

1:12:34 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah. No, I think it's the fluorescent lights. I think they're going to allow you to get out in the world a little bit.

1:12:40 Adam When I was a kid, they were advocating for you to drop out of school.

1:12:43 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Don't skip classes or anything.

1:12:44 Adam I was getting radiation treatment for it. When I was a kid, well, they did it to everybody. And a lot of people had thyroid. Everybody who had zits who had insurance. Really?

1:12:54 Adam You got radiation treatment?

1:12:56 Adam They had low level of radiation. The theory was that would decrease the amount of inflammation, I guess. And there are some people that had many treatments, developed thyroid cancer because of the proximity to the thyroid. So there have been a lot of theories. All right.

1:13:11 Adam But the deal is, is you can get on Accutane, you can use them over the counter junk, you know, you can deal with it now.

1:13:19 Adam Accutane is just amazing for people that have the inflammatory.

1:13:24 Adam It's a nightmare. I had once I put the one time I was working with Bondo, you know, the stuff you put on your car, you put on your car fenders and you know, Bondo's two parts, a catalyst and a drying agent or a catalyst and whatever the Bondo material is. And I was reading the ingredients and things said 90% benzoyl peroxide on there because it's the drying agent that cures the Bondo. So I thought to myself, hey, what am I buying this clear cell crap for with the 5 and 10% when I got the 90% right here? So I put some of this Bondo catalyst on my face.

1:14:04 Drew Dry your face right off.

1:14:05 Adam Yeah, it did. Hell yes. 90% benzoyl peroxide.

1:14:09 Adam What was the other 10%?

1:14:10 Adam Get It On Pepoy.

1:14:11 Adam Lie.

1:14:14 Adam It was... Sulfuric acid. It was the hepatitis is what the other 10% was. All right, we'll take ourselves a little break. Static X is our guest tonight. We'll hear something off seating. We'll be back after this.

1:14:29 Caller Let's have some more fun.

1:14:33 Call Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline will be right back.

1:15:09 Adam It's Loveline, I'm Adam. That is Dr. Bruce. Dr. Bruce, sitting in for Dr. Drew. Perfectly qualified, and no reason not to take his advice. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Snoop Dogg in later on in the week. Static X is here tonight. You can find him in Seattle on the 28th, and then I'll just list the cities, and then pretty much the dates, so just keep going up numerically. Portland on the 29th, and San Francisco, LA, they'll be second and third, they'll be in here for two days, and then Atlanta on the 12th. Fifteenth, they'll be in Washington, DC. This is of course in February. New York on the 18th, Cincinnati on the 23rd, Detroit on the 25th, on the 27th, Columbus, Ohio, and then on the 1st of March, they'll be in Chicago, and they'll be out with Power Man 5000. That's right. Okay. Gina.

1:16:11 Caller Yeah.

1:16:11 Adam You're 19.

1:16:12 Caller Yes.

1:16:13 Drew What's up?

1:16:14 Caller I have a question. I'm afraid that I'm not going to be able to have a serious relationship because I have a lot of casual sex. Is this true? Is this going to like affect me in some way or?

1:16:27 Adam Well, the casual sex won't cause you not to have a serious relationship, but the reason you're having a lot of casual sex will cause you not to have a serious relationship.

1:16:37 Okay.

1:16:38 Adam All right. Thank you. Call again.

1:16:42 Caller Thank you.

1:16:43 Drew Drive through.

1:16:45 Adam What's going on in the past?

1:16:47 Well, I had a relationship before.

1:16:48 Caller It was a long relationship of like two years. It was like a complete mess. He cheated on me.

1:16:53 I cheated on him.

1:16:53 Caller It was a bunch of crap.

1:16:54 Adam What was your relationship with your dad like?

1:16:57 Caller My dad doesn't live with me.

1:16:58 Adam No. When you were two years old, three years old. When you were much younger.

1:17:03 Adam She cheated on him when she was two.

1:17:04 Adam Yeah.

1:17:05 Caller What?

1:17:06 Adam No. Just what was your home life like? What was it like when you were growing up and when you were younger than that?

1:17:11 Caller I grew up with my mom, a single parent family. So my dad was never in the picture.

1:17:17 Adam So he basically abandoned the family.

1:17:19 Caller Yeah.

1:17:19 Adam Okay. So here's what goes on. Okay. Your dad abandoned you. So relationships are kind of tough because you're scared the guy is going to abandon you. So you don't really get into anything serious where you can be vulnerable. You get into a whole host of casual things in one night stands where you never have to experience that pain of loss again that you already experienced when your dad abandoned you so early on in life.

1:17:45 Adam So does that make sense?

1:17:47 Caller Yeah.

1:17:47 Adam Okay. You had a counselor before?

1:17:50 Caller No.

1:17:51 Adam You got to kind of talk to a shrink or read a book or something, work it out a little bit.

1:17:56 Adam You'll continue to sabotage things.

1:17:58 Adam Or you do what I do, which you actually read at the shrink. I'll bring the race form in sometimes. You don't like it, but I'm like, hey, listen, Four Eyes, I'm giving you 90 bucks.

1:18:07 Adam Relax.

1:18:08 Adam If I want to look at the race form, I look at the race form. It's my form of therapy.

1:18:12 Adam So Gene, are you comfortable with that concept? I mean, does that make sense enough for you to do something about it or is it like, well?

1:18:20 Caller I don't know if I'm going to go to counseling or anything.

1:18:22 Adam All right, good. Well, learn your own self-created hell for the rest of your life. All right.

1:18:28 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Do you think people also, maybe your mom had a lot of boyfriends. Do you think it's environment? She just grew up that way, and so she's used to that?

1:18:37 Adam You know, one thing Freud said about the relationship with the opposite-sex parent, you know, having a real bearing on your future relationship, I mean, that does seem to bear out, and or the lack of a relationship having dire consequences.

1:18:51 Adam Here's the bottom line. You know, people are pretty easy and they're pretty consistent, and it's just sort of easy math. Everybody loves to turn psychology into some sort of mystic, esoteric something that either you subscribe to or you don't. You people are deluding yourselves. I sit here night after goddamn night, I hear the same question every goddamn night, and I know what the answer is before they get the question out of their mouth. I know what the situation is. If you're a young girl, especially women, and dad has cut out on the family, you got serious abandonment issues, and it's going to make all relationships after that with a guy, it's going to factor in quite heavily. You will either not get into serious relationships, and those serious ones you get into, you will get him to abandon you by cheating on him or acting out in some ways so that you can sort of recreate that dance of your youth. Now, a lot of people don't believe in therapy, or they don't believe in psychology, or they think they're going to will themselves through this, or they think they're going to go to church and pray on it. You people will lock yourselves into this syndrome and wallow in it for a good 10 to 15 years, and that's minimum. You're only shot, get a little therapy, read a few books. That's it. Or you can just be damned to repeat the same mistakes over and over in your life, whatever they are. Whether it's your dad abandoning you or whatever it is. We're all doomed. That's what I'm saying.

1:20:19 Adam A lot of it has to do with hardwiring. When you're 0 to 3 years old, a lot of things happen in your brain. Some of these have a window of opportunity for growth to occur in certain parts of the brain. The relationship with the mother is critical for that growth to occur. And so finding out what exactly was going on the first three years of life is really important. Sometimes to determine when you have problems with kids that are violent as they get into school and later on and have real trouble with relationships, etc. etc. you can sometimes correlate it with some of the development.

1:20:54 Adam But the point is you have to undo what has been done to you and that's got to be done in a therapeutic process.

1:21:00 Adam Right, there you go.

1:21:01 Adam Thank you. Stephanie?

1:21:03 Adam Yeah?

1:21:03 Adam And all you idiots who become born again, please, don't worry.

1:21:08 Adam Where did that come from?

1:21:09 Adam You'll be shooting smack within a week. Because people are lazy and what they do is they go the easy route, they go the God route. Anything but go and confront what the real issues are. And so they just find Jesus Christ, that keeps them on the straight and narrow for a little while, but don't worry, they'll be back.

1:21:25 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce It's kind of shifting. Well, it's kind of like shifting your addiction anyway.

1:21:29 Adam Absolutely. Oh, yeah, it's like one minute it's heroin, the next minute you smack me in the head with the Bible.

1:21:34 Adam I go through the same thing with my patients. A healthy relationship with Christ is fine, a healthy relationship with a 12-step program. But the people that have fanatics or addicts to their program or their belief are not the people to judge Christ by or to judge an AA program by. And that's very difficult to, you know, without teaching about the rightness or wrongness of these programs.

1:21:56 Adam I'm not saying Christ was a bad guy. He had a few valid points. I'm willing to concede that. Stephanie? You're 15.

1:22:06 Caller Yeah.

1:22:06 Adam What's up?

1:22:07 Caller Okay, I seem to be attracted to really chaotic relationships.

1:22:12 Adam All right.

1:22:13 Caller Like, there is this girl, she's like a close friend of mine, and she had this boyfriend who would kind of push her around, and actually, he wound up getting her pregnant, and I was really attracted to him, and I felt really guilty about it, but there was just something.

1:22:25 Adam Did you ever act on it?

1:22:27 Caller No, I didn't, because I'm not very aggressive.

1:22:29 Adam Well, you know, having feelings and reacting to things and acting on them are totally different things. That was a horrible statement. I didn't even know what it meant myself. I really got to get some sleep. Here's what I'm saying. You can have fantasies, and you can have notions, and that kind of thing, but if you don't act on them, you're all right, and if you don't think you're going to act on them, you're all right.

1:22:53 Caller The thing is, I wish I could act on them.

1:22:56 Adam Well, but there's something inside you that is saying, this is wrong, I'm not going to do it.

1:23:01 Adam But you're attracted back to what you... I mean, did you have a pretty chaotic home when you were a kid?

1:23:06 Caller Yeah, you could say that.

1:23:08 Adam How could I say that?

1:23:09 Drew What's the story?

1:23:10 Caller Well, I don't even think of my parents anymore. My mom was addicted to heroin, and my dad kind of abandoned the whole family. Now I live with my aunt.

1:23:18 Drew Right.

1:23:20 Adam Okay, what do you feel like it's going to take to get you to the point where you're not attracted to the chaos? Because that becomes a problem, because then it's hard to get where you want to go with a healthy, normal relationship.

1:23:32 Caller I'm kind of at the point where I don't even want to not be attracted to it. I kind of enjoy it.

1:23:36 Adam You run with it. Yeah, and that's, again, you get sort of hardwired, your brain is set up to function in the environment that it developed in, sort of. And it takes a program, you know, not just counseling, go sitting in somebody's office, laying on the couch, telling about dreams, but it takes work and sometimes to have somebody that helps you with a plan, that can sit down with you and say, okay, this is how you got where you are, and this is what we can work on with you so that you can get healthy. And it gives you the opportunity to have a plan that you can work on.

1:24:09 Adam And Stephanie, you got to work on that plan because the junkie mom and the abandoning dad, this is a disaster. I mean, you got to work on this.

1:24:17 Adam And you have a certain number of years, you know, Drew was telling me at one point, he said, you know, you have until you're 45 to work through some of these personality issue type things, and I'm 44, so I'm sitting looking at them like, hmm.

1:24:29 Adam I got a year left. You mean what, before they're locked in? Well, it's like some kind of emotional Logan's Run or something.

1:24:37 Adam I'm not, no, but really, there is a window of opportunity again, and maybe it's the energy that you can.

1:24:43 Adam Come on, consolidate, buddy, it's a two-hour show.

1:24:45 Caller She's like 15, where is she gonna get therapy at 15, you know, is she gonna talk to you?

1:24:50 Adam Well, we should ask her.

1:24:52 Adam She's a counselor at school, church, and here's what you can do, too, for those of you who can't afford counseling and everything, just don't act out. You have an impulse, stay home. You know what I mean? Yes.

1:25:07 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce It's really easy to know the difference between right and wrong.

1:25:11 Adam And they know, they just can't control their impulses. Matt?

1:25:14 Adam Yeah.

1:25:15 Adam You're 17.

1:25:16 Adam Yeah.

1:25:16 Adam Yeah, the best thing our callers could do is nothing most of the time. That will keep them out of trouble every time, Matt?

1:25:23 Drew And if you have to do something, Masturbate.

1:25:25 Adam That's right. You're 17. Your girlfriend is trying to set you up to see if you're gonna cheat?

1:25:31 Caller Yeah, she thinks I am, but...

1:25:33 Drew So she's...

1:25:34 Caller She sent her one of her friends over to my house yesterday, and then her friend was... friend didn't try to hit on me or nothing, but she told me what my girlfriend was trying to do to me. And then my girlfriend told me, because we were drinking last night, she told me, and I just got all upset and everything, and I don't know what to do about it.

1:25:53 Adam All right, hold on there, Matt. It's interesting. Sent... and diabolical at the same time. And effective. He sent a good-looking chick over to a 17-year-old guy's house to try to get him to cheat. Believe me, that's going to be cheating going on here. We will take a little break. Static X is here. We will speak to Matt when we come back, and I promise we'll hear something off the Static X CD after this.

1:26:23 Drew Loveline, we'll be right back.

1:26:52 Adam Oh, now we started the show. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That is Dr. Bruce filming for Dr. Drew. Wayne and Tony and Ken are all here from Static X. Wisconsin Death Trip is the name of the CD. We're going to finish this call and then we'll hear one last cut off of that. We were speaking to Matt.

1:27:11 Yeah.

1:27:12 Adam And so your girlfriend tried to set you up, you're 17, tried to set you up by sending one of her attractive friends over.

1:27:18 Caller Yeah.

1:27:19 Adam To seduce you.

1:27:20 Caller I guess that she didn't do nothing.

1:27:23 Adam And how does that work when you're 17? You see, I can see it being a little suspicious because it's like, hey sailors, that's your Volkswagen that's up on cinder blocks in your parents driveway? Yeah, I bet it is. Oh, new Nintendo?

1:27:41 Caller Nice.

1:27:43 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Is that your in-64?

1:27:44 Adam Yeah. You know, your dad let me in and he seemed like a nice guy. Offered me a rice krispie square. It's like an aphrodisiac for me. I mean, how's that supposed to work when you're 17?

1:27:58 Caller I don't know.

1:27:59 Adam Well, did she just show up at your house?

1:28:01 Caller Oh, yeah. She's one of my friends too, but she just came over like all of a sudden. I don't know if she didn't hit on me or nothing.

1:28:10 Adam What'd she do? She spilled the beans?

1:28:12 Caller No, well, a little bit. She like handed it around to it. And then my girlfriend told me because we was drinking and she was getting drunk.

1:28:20 Adam Well, does she have any cause to suspect that you'd be cheating?

1:28:24 Caller Well, one time we broke up, but I didn't cheat on her. I had like three girls, but we weren't going out, and she got all pissed off at me.

1:28:33 Adam So you did cheat or you didn't?

1:28:35 Caller No, I didn't.

1:28:36 Adam You did not cheat? Okay. And is she kind of chaotic?

1:28:40 Caller A little bit.

1:28:41 Adam Yeah. She sounds like a handful.

1:28:43 Caller She is.

1:28:44 Adam All right. So how old is she?

1:28:46 Caller She's 17, too.

1:28:47 Adam Okay. So Matt, here's your job. Don't get her pregnant.

1:28:50 Caller Oh, I don't know. I thought I did once and I got scared.

1:28:54 Adam Okay. Well, good. Have that fear bleed into your next sexual encounter so that you wear a condom, okay?

1:29:01 Caller Yeah.

1:29:01 Adam All right there, Matt. All right. Listen to me. All of you are going to make your share of mistakes, you're going to get hooked up with some screwy chaotic women. You don't even know how to pick the nutty ones from the norms when you're 17. You don't even know it at 25 or 27. I mean, it's hard.

1:29:17 Drew You're just happy you got one.

1:29:19 Adam You're just along with the ride. Wow, someone's willing to hold still long enough for me to have sex. They're in. Hey, you're my girlfriend. What? Oh, I don't know how to say that in Korean. But you're my new girlfriend. That's good. Here's some money. Stay here, please. Love me.

1:29:34 Adam This is the communication through drunkenness syndrome. They did get communication.

1:29:38 Adam The point is, if you get somebody pregnant, then now it's a lifetime commitment. Yeah, do not get them pregnant, especially crazy ones. All right, we will... I'm sorry, go on.

1:29:50 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Actually, I was going to tell the guy, too. Trust is a pretty important part of a relationship, too. So if she doesn't trust you, maybe you need to sit down and have a talk with her.

1:30:00 Adam Yeah, I'm sure.

1:30:01 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce Dumber. Yeah, sober.

1:30:03 Adam We will hear something from Static-X. Now, what the hell... What are we going to hear? Are we hearing I'm With Stupid?

1:30:11 Drew Sure.

1:30:11 Adam Okay, you guys want to do that?

1:30:13 Drew Yeah, that's what we're doing.

1:30:13 Adam It's a Wisconsin death trip. I'm With Stupid.

1:33:34 Caller Yeah, what?

1:33:38 Adam Thanks for the mic. That is Static-X off of their gold CD Wisconsin Death Trip. We will also, they are on the Scream 3 soundtrack, which is coming out, I think, February 2nd, if I remember from when, or the 3rd?

1:33:53 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce January 25th.

1:33:54 Adam What? Oh, the soundtrack. But the movie, that's right. The soundtrack's out like a week before the movie comes out.

1:34:00 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce The movie comes out the 4th.

1:34:01 Adam There you go. All right. We're gonna take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:34:09 Caller This is Loveline.

1:34:10 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:34:12 Drew Oh, we'll be right back.

1:34:52 Adam All right. That is it. Hey, the show went fast, and that's always a good sign. I'll shut my mic off. That means it wasn't boring, at least to me. So, that's it. Static-X, thank you very much for coming in. Wisconsin Death Trip, everybody. Get that CD. These guys are officially friends of the show, and whenever we have a friend of the show, we need you to support those friends. All right, and look for him coming to a town near you and also on the Scream 3 soundtrack. Thanks again, guys.

1:35:22 Static X w/ Dr. Bruce No, thank you.

1:35:23 Adam And until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Bruce, who did a wonderful job tonight, saying mahalo.

1:35:28 Caller I'm in pain, my breath hurt. Well, now.

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Sunday, January 23, 2000