Episode 1000754887518

1:45 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

1:53 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

1:56 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

1:58 Voiceover Loveline.

2:00 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. Can't believe we're here again. Phone number, 1-800-L-E-E-1-9-1, facts number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. First, I have to apologize in advance for my upcoming performance.

2:18 Drew What happened today? Oh, you did the commercial today.

2:20 Adam I went to bed at 2, got up at 5.30. Car picked me up at 6, got home about 7.30, took a little 45-minute nap, and the car will be... Anderson. The car will be at my house at 6 a.m. tomorrow. So, I'm going to see if I can get some sleep.

2:41 Drew Well, here's the deal.

2:41 Adam I think I can do this show in my sleep. I really do.

2:44 Drew I don't think... Now you're just having my daily schedule. Oh, shut up, you big sack. Wait, I want to turn around a bit, because people think when the car gets there at 6, you must get up at 5.20 and start getting ready. No, no.

2:55 Adam No, I get up at 6.03.

2:57 Drew Yeah, I know that's true.

2:58 Adam And don't get ready. All right, the Long Beach Dub Allstars are here tonight, Bud Jim and Opie, all from the band, and I've been...

3:07 Tim.

3:08 Long Beach Dub Allstars Did I say Jim?

3:10 Adam What did I say? Close enough.

3:11 Adam What did I say?

3:12 You said Jim.

3:13 Adam Oh, what was it? What did Lisa just write down?

3:16 Drew Tim.

3:16 Adam Oh, Tim. All right. Thanks, Andy. Coming apart. Coming apart already. They should never... Well, maybe I should cross that J. There, it's all better.

3:27 Long Beach Dub Allstars Tim.

3:32 Adam We had some of the guys on the TV show month or so ago.

3:38 Long Beach Dub Allstars Right?

3:39 Adam Yes.

3:39 Drew We haven't done TV for two months, so...

3:41 Adam Okay. I said a month or so. That could be anything under a year. And I've been seeing you guys and hearing you everywhere. And I'm glad. I'm just a... I know this sounds cliche, but it just seems like a good time. And it's nice to see guys having a good time with their music and not, you know, yelling at the man and smashing things.

4:05 Drew Do you want to play one of those songs early? You get a little break here, Adam, recoup your...

4:09 Adam Really?

4:09 Drew It's up to you.

4:11 Adam All right.

4:11 Drew A little cat nap. You always like playing this stuff early. Do we do? Well, make sure we know who the band is.

4:16 Adam Well, everyone knows who the band is.

4:18 Long Beach Dub Allstars All right.

4:18 Adam Why don't we do that? That's good enough there, Drew. That's a good call.

4:22 Long Beach Dub Allstars All right. Keep those coming.

4:23 Drew You're not abusing me.

4:24 Adam All right. This is From the Long Beach Dub Allstars. After a CD right back, this one's called Trailer Razz. Trey Larras from The Long Beach Dub Allstars. You can find them tomorrow, right, guys, with the Vandals and our favorite Pennywise?

7:53 That's right.

7:54 Sports are in...

7:56 Adam Tomorrow, the sports are in. Drew, you'll be there? Aren't you roadie for Pennywise?

8:00 Drew I'm driving Fletch over.

8:01 Adam Oh, okay.

8:02 Drew He's staying at our house.

8:06 Adam How's Fletch doing? Is he drinking? Is he switched to a lower octane mix? Yeah, that's what I heard. You couldn't say it right now. Right now, you don't know?

8:17 We'll see tomorrow.

8:19 We'll see what's happening tomorrow.

8:20 Long Beach Dub Allstars All right.

8:22 Adam My advice is to stay out of those crosshairs, boys. I look at him as like, you know when those crazy Spaniards do the running of the bulls, and then the bull ends up down in the town square, and a bunch of drunken Spaniards just come around, and the bull just sort of just walks in a circle until something catches its eye, and then whatever catches its eye, destroyed. Dead meat. The idea is not to let the bull catch your eye. As a matter of fact, if I ever see Fletcher again, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to get up behind him, and I'm going to strap myself to him. I'm going to duct tape myself to his back. So every time he turns around, I'm just behind him. He feels a little heavier, and we'll get like a big oversized shawl to put over the two of us.

9:11 Long Beach Dub Allstars All right.

9:13 Adam Where the hell were we? So I'll give some more dates out for The Long Beach Dub Allstars and all that, but I think we'll hop on the phones. And Drew? Popcorn, you know? Not the greatest plan. Naomi?

9:26 Yes?

9:26 Adam You're 19?

9:28 Caller Yes.

9:28 Adam What's up?

9:30 Caller I got a couple questions I forgot to tell the woman about.

9:34 My first and shortest one is about pregnancy. Is it possible that you can have your period for a long, long time and then later become fertile?

9:43 Drew Yes. You're fertile the whole time. Potentially, you're not having your period. Doesn't mean you're not ovulating.

9:48 Adam Wait, what does that question mean exactly?

9:50 Drew She means that she...

9:50 Well, it just means that I've been rather promiscuous throughout my little life and I never showed up, popped up pregnant and all of a sudden people are starting to warn me. And I talked to my mother and she was like married to my father for a while before they procreated me. So she said with her it was like trouble getting pregnant.

10:06 Drew Hang on a second Naomi, when did we just start having like all of France coneheads calling us?

10:14 Adam What do you mean?

10:15 Drew My parents were together before they procreated.

10:17 Adam Well, that's just that's not our normal callers, true that happens once in a while. The part that's disturbing to me is when you talk to your parents about sex. I swear to God, I'm 35, my dad still gives me the stork story.

10:31 I talk to my mom, my mom talks to me, it's just I don't talk to my dad.

10:36 Adam Oh good. My dad tells me at a hemorrhoid or something, I got to go into therapy. I can't picture my parents nude or sexual.

10:43 Me and my mother have a decent relationship.

10:45 Adam All right. Well, just figure you can get pregnant, all right?

10:48 Yeah. Okay, now these are the questions that I was concerned about with my boyfriend. I had some bumps on either side of my vagina. They're always on one side or the other. I went to see the doctor. She said they weren't herpes or anything because they were indented. I was wondering if it's because he's rather large.

11:10 Drew What did the doctor say?

11:11 He doesn't wait for me to be wet.

11:12 Drew What does the doctor say that they were?

11:14 She said she didn't have an idea. She put me on antibiotics, which I thought was stupid because I'm infected. I took him. I took him.

11:22 Adam He's big, you mean downstairs or big in general?

11:25 He's, no, he's a skinny, and he's not very tall.

11:28 Adam With a big penis?

11:29 Yeah.

11:29 Adam That's my dream. That's the way I wish I would have turned out. Just a bean pole with a huge penis, making it look that much bigger.

11:38 Yeah.

11:39 Adam So you think he may have turned your vagina inside out?

11:41 No, I just think.

11:43 Drew Scraped it off.

11:44 Adam Oh, scraped it off?

11:45 It pulls like the lips inside or something, and that's what's causing the sores.

11:49 Drew That could do that.

11:50 Caller Maybe you should do that manually.

11:52 Drew Maybe you should get some lubrication.

11:54 I try KY, but it burns me. I get sometimes these little cuts. They're like paper cuts, like about a half inch above my clitoris.

12:01 Drew Yeah, those are probably sort of friction tears and that sort of thing.

12:04 Yeah. She said to stop shaving, which I did, but that's annoying. Then the hair, when it grows back, of course, is just really annoying.

12:12 Adam The KY, isn't that...

12:14 It burns.

12:15 Adam Does it?

12:16 Yeah.

12:16 Adam Maybe you're getting the mentholated variety. I'll tell you, that was one of the worst marketing ads ever, worse than New Coke, was Now With Mentholatum. A bunch of gay guys ran around, their ass on fire.

12:29 Drew It just...

12:30 Adam They thought they'd do it for a scent kind of thing, but it just... It never worked out.

12:34 Caller Swapped your KY with some Icy Cotton.

12:37 Adam I think they fired the guy who came up with that, by the way, Drew.

12:40 Long Beach Dub Allstars All right.

12:41 Adam Where are we?

12:42 Long Beach Dub Allstars Mike?

12:43 Yeah.

12:44 Adam You're 14?

12:45 Caller Yep.

12:45 Adam What's up?

12:46 Caller I get these, like, fever boosters on my lip. I'm not sure if they're considered herbes or not.

12:51 Drew Yep. They would be.

12:53 Adam Everything's herpes, according to Drew. You fall off your skateboard and scrape your knee. Drew says herpes.

12:58 Drew That's because Adam gets this big herpetic outbreak about every year and a half on his chin. That's not going to be herpes.

13:03 Adam It's not.

13:03 Drew Okay.

13:04 Adam I got it at the gym.

13:05 Drew Yeah, yeah.

13:06 Adam God wouldn't give me herpes at the gym.

13:08 Long Beach Dub Allstars Come on. Please.

13:10 Caller I was wondering if I could spread it to my...

13:11 Adam I was banging this Korean hooker at the gym. Why does it always have to be Korean? I mean Japanese. What did I say? Korean?

13:21 Drew You've never said that before, ever.

13:23 Adam I mean Vietnamese.

13:25 Drew Okay. Well, then why does it always have to be Vietnamese?

13:28 Adam All right. Tell me what you're not.

13:30 Drew My guess, that absolutely can be contagious. If you have a sore, definitely consider it contagious.

13:35 Caller I'm kissing, too?

13:36 Drew Yeah.

13:37 Caller All right. What about when I don't have one?

13:40 Drew Then one, it's a debatable issue. You are potentially contagious.

13:44 Adam Well, what do you want him to do?

13:45 Drew I know.

13:46 Adam Close up shop at 14.

13:47 Drew Certainly, if you have that little burning or sort of tingling that you get sometimes before an outbreak, watch out.

13:52 Caller I take this stuff called Zovarax.

13:54 Drew Oh, you take the Zovarax. That's a herpes medicine.

13:57 Caller Oh.

13:58 Drew Okay. That's what that's for. So that makes it sort of confirms that this is herpetic.

14:02 Adam Where did you get it, Mike?

14:05 Caller I got it on my lip.

14:07 Drew Everybody gets it on your lip. That's sort of a normal thing.

14:09 Adam All right, Mike.

14:10 Caller It's normal and like I used to get them like maybe twice a month, but now I'm getting them like maybe four times a month.

14:17 Drew Ooh. Well, are you taking the herpes, the zoverax on and off?

14:21 Caller Yeah.

14:22 Drew Well, maybe you ought to be on, sometimes they can put you on it all the time to suppress it, prevent it from coming out.

14:26 Long Beach Dub Allstars Well, yeah.

14:26 Adam What's that commercial with a chick's kickboxing, Drew?

14:29 Drew It's Valtrex.

14:30 Adam Valtrex.

14:31 Drew Same thing.

14:32 Long Beach Dub Allstars Yeah.

14:33 Adam You ought to try that one. Is it the same thing? Is it better?

14:37 Drew Just a little longer acting. It's a by-product of Zorax.

14:41 Adam Jennifer?

14:43 Caller Yeah.

14:43 Adam You're 16.

14:44 Caller Yeah.

14:44 Adam What's up?

14:46 Caller I caught my stepbrother about a week ago, watching me throw a hole in the wall, why I might have been changing or something. Yeah. I don't know what to do, deal with this.

14:56 Adam How old is he?

14:57 Caller Fifteen.

14:58 Adam Yeah. How long you guys known each other?

15:01 Caller Well, we knew each other like three years ago. He lived with me for like two years. Then he just moved out here in August to live with my family again.

15:09 Adam Why the layoff?

15:11 Caller It's joint custody between him, his mom, and his dad.

15:14 Adam Yeah. Has he ever come on to you?

15:19 Caller He did a little bit when he first moved out here, but I ignored it and displayed it off. I just didn't bother with it.

15:27 Adam This is basically a recipe for trouble as far as I can tell.

15:31 Drew Just putting the teenagers together in the house?

15:33 Caller Yeah.

15:34 Adam I mean, if you take a 15-year-old and a 6-year-old, and you take any 15-year-old guy, and you go, hey, here's your cute 16-year-old chick you're living with. She's your sister. I mean, now. I mean, you didn't know her before, but you guys are blood now. Tell that to the penis. I mean, this guy just thought the fish jumped in the boat. That's basically what he's thinking. Now, can you talk to him?

16:01 Caller I really don't really want to be in the same room as him.

16:05 Adam Well, I mean, is he that creepy a guy?

16:08 Caller Well, I don't know. I've never really liked him that much. I didn't really like him when we used to live together, and it just really bothers me that he would have done this.

16:16 Adam And is he there for the long haul?

16:20 Caller Yeah, probably.

16:21 Adam What about your dad? Is it your dad you're living with?

16:25 Caller No, I'm living with my mom and his dad. Oh.

16:28 Adam Why don't you talk to your mom?

16:30 Caller I did.

16:31 Adam What'd she do?

16:33 Caller She just basically punished him, and I think he's going to have to go into the first therapy.

16:37 Adam All right.

16:38 Drew That's good.

16:39 Adam What do you want him to do? Like take a finger off or something?

16:42 Drew Poke his eye out. Poke his eye out, yeah.

16:43 Adam There you go. This is like, I ran or something.

16:47 Drew Muhammad's law rules in that house.

16:49 Long Beach Dub Allstars Yeah.

16:52 Adam So, Jennifer, he's going to therapy, and she punished him.

16:55 Drew Don't worry, Jeffery. Listen, stay away. Stay very structured in the house. Your instincts are good. Don't feel guilty for wanting this guy to be sort of contained and wanting to stay away from him. It's all fine. Do good in school. Get out of the house.

17:08 Adam Find Jesus Christ. Go get married. Start a family. Matt?

17:13 Yeah.

17:14 Adam You're 19.

17:15 Caller Yeah, I've been going out with this girl for about three or four months and she's 16 and everything's been going fine so far but today she told me that this guy at her school asked her to strip at his birthday party and she's kind of excited about it.

17:33 Adam Wow.

17:33 You can make a lot of money from her.

17:36 Long Beach Dub Allstars Yeah.

17:37 Caller Well, yeah, but I kind of, we didn't talk about like monotony or anything like that but I kind of bring into life the fact that I kind of care about her.

17:48 Adam How old is the guy?

17:52 Caller I'm guessing Sleazy a little bit older, 18.

17:55 Adam 18. That's a pretty big birthday. Yeah. All right. And she's thinking about it?

18:04 Caller No, she's pretty excited about it, actually.

18:07 Adam But what does that mean? She's going to do it?

18:10 Caller From what I know. I didn't ask if it was a topless or bottomless or what.

18:15 Drew She's sort of heading in that direction already. Is that something she's wanted to do?

18:19 Caller She's kind of, I know she's wild and her parents are like really strict with her. And I think it's kind of the thing where, you know, well, my parents want me to do this. So I'm going to do it, but.

18:29 Drew No, that's not what tends to happen.

18:31 Adam Well, people can rebel, but 16 year olds don't normally strip at high school parties.

18:38 Drew It needs to be more about her intense desire to be in control of men. For instance, why is she dating a, why is a junior, a sophomore in high school dating a 19 year old?

18:49 Caller Well, we were kind of introduced to each other and we weren't aware of each other.

18:53 Drew Oh, they were introduced to each other.

18:55 Adam Well, as long as you guys met.

18:56 Drew Okay.

18:59 Adam You have a good excuse. For a moment, I didn't know if they'd made each other's acquaintance. But if that's the way it worked, well, then you can't fault that, Drew. Okay. All right. Hey, Matt, come on. Screwball, you're going out with a high school chick. She's screwed up. She's acting out. What do you expect? This ain't going anywhere. She's too crazy, right?

19:23 Caller Get over it with it.

19:24 Adam Well, I just don't see a big future here.

19:27 Drew Either that. Yeah. First of all, you're-

19:29 Caller Well, Adam, can I just say that-

19:30 Caller Temper or Pemper?

19:32 Caller My end of the deal is that I get Garter Belt action.

19:37 Adam You get the Garter Belt after the strip show?

19:40 Caller You know about the Psycho Girls?

19:41 Adam Yeah. I know Psycho Girls make for the best sex in. It's going to be the name of my next album, by the way.

19:47 Drew It's illegal for you, Matt, though.

19:48 Adam But it just doesn't work out in the long run, Matt. And this one's starting to go south.

19:55 Drew Asshole.

19:56 Adam All right. Come on, Matt. I'm telling you this is trouble. Trouble? Why don't you talk to her about it, see what she says.

20:03 Caller I just don't want to pull like what her parents were doing, you know, this is what you're going to do, then I'm out of here.

20:09 Adam Well, I think it's...

20:10 Caller It's like a nice way to...

20:11 Adam Okay, Matt.

20:12 Drew Yeah.

20:12 Adam I know you don't want to be a disciplinarian, but I think it's okay for a boyfriend to step up and ask his lady not to strip at a high school party. I mean, that is well within your rights as a boyfriend. Wouldn't you guys say? I mean...

20:29 Drew Yeah.

20:29 Adam You wouldn't look at that as being too uptight, would you?

20:32 Drew No, boy. No.

20:34 Adam No.

20:34 Long Beach Dub Allstars All right.

20:35 Adam Stephanie?

20:36 Yes.

20:37 Adam You're 20.

20:37 Caller Yes.

20:38 Adam What's up?

20:39 Caller Hi. I just want to tell you guys I love you and everything. I listen to you all the time.

20:43 Thanks.

20:46 Caller My problem slash question is I had suffered a miscarriage back in July, and I think about it constantly. I have nightmares.

20:58 Drew Have you been depressed since?

21:01 Caller I think so. I feel very moody and very...

21:03 Drew Unfortunately, honestly, I don't think young women are prepared for just how difficult a miscarriage or abortion can be. Not only from the standpoint of losing something, just the whole concept of, particularly in the case of abortion, a potential issue about life and whatnot, but the biological changes that go on when you're pregnant and then are suddenly released can be profoundly difficult to deal with and cause very intense depression. Plus, there's all sorts of data out there that suggest there is actually a bond that forms between the mother and the child.

21:37 Caller I was pretty far along, actually.

21:39 Adam How far along were you?

21:40 Caller 11 weeks and three days.

21:42 Drew 12 weeks and three months. It's not that far. But still, it's enough for some biology to be going.

21:48 Adam Were you painting the nursery and picking out names and stuff?

21:52 Caller Picking out names and, yeah, making plans.

21:55 Drew All right. So maybe this is all about a depression. Maybe that needs to be looked into.

21:59 Adam But maybe you're going to be depressed anyway, though.

22:03 Drew Or maybe this triggered some more depression. Stephanie, the postpartum depression is going to be quite serious. I think it's worth looking into.

22:10 Caller Okay.

22:10 Adam All right. You're 20, you'll bounce right back.

22:14 Caller It's been six months.

22:15 Adam You've been trying to get pregnant?

22:17 Caller No, no. God, no. I don't want to get pregnant again.

22:19 Drew You've been obsessing.

22:21 Adam I mean, you'll have other kids. You're young. Why don't you wait five years?

22:24 Caller Well, that's what I'm planning on, yes.

22:27 Adam Was this a planned pregnancy?

22:28 Caller No, no.

22:29 Drew But again, because-

22:29 Adam Well, that was just God helping you out then.

22:32 Drew But because so much of this is biological, it doesn't reason away.

22:36 Adam All right.

22:36 Drew You can't talk yourself out of these depressions.

22:38 Adam You're married?

22:39 Caller No.

22:40 Adam All right.

22:40 Long Beach Dub Allstars Come on now.

22:41 Adam You get married, you have a boyfriend?

22:45 Caller Yes.

22:45 Long Beach Dub Allstars All right.

22:46 Adam She want a kid?

22:48 Caller Yeah.

22:49 Adam He does?

22:50 Caller Uh-huh.

22:51 Caller Well, I have one son of my own and he's got two from a previous marriage.

22:55 Adam All right. Listen, that's enough. You're 20, goofball. You are the King family over there? Relax with the kids. Focus on the one you have.

23:06 Caller I am.

23:07 Adam All right. What's he do for a living, this boyfriend of yours?

23:10 Caller He's a cook, actually.

23:11 Adam All right. I'm sure he's making money hand over fist. Cracking all those eggs. What kind of cook? Where does he work?

23:20 Caller At a restaurant.

23:22 Adam Oh, hold on.

23:22 At a family. At a family.

23:26 Adam And what? They have what?

23:27 Long Beach Dub Allstars Food there?

23:29 Caller At a family type restaurant.

23:31 Long Beach Dub Allstars All right.

23:31 Adam Hang on a listen. This guy's making $6.50 an hour.

23:34 Caller No, no. A little bit more than that.

23:37 Adam $7.35?

23:38 Long Beach Dub Allstars Come on.

23:39 Adam Bus boys are tipping him out.

23:40 Long Beach Dub Allstars Come on.

23:42 Adam Stephanie, come on. You got to use three kids between the two of you. You're 20. This guy's slinging hash. That's plenty. All right. Look, you feel better already, don't you? Well, yeah. Thank you. I should be a therapist. The therapist comes in. I give them with a good Don Rickles type attack, and they go out laughing and crying at the same time. No, that's got to be rough. I swear to God, maybe I'm tired, but I wouldn't want to have a miscarriage.

24:17 Drew That's nice. You can empathize, Adam. Thank you.

24:19 Adam Yeah. Thanks. I don't want to flush. If I make it like a big dookie, I don't want to flush it.

24:24 Drew I want to hang on. You can't say goodbye to it.

24:26 Adam I swear to God, if I take something that I think is unusually spectacular, I'll-

24:31 Drew Invite your friends in.

24:32 Adam If they're around, sometimes I have to take a picture. Take pictures. I swear to God, at the Man Show, I showed up at my desk, there's a Polaroid of a big crap on my desk. It's like, who let this? Jordan, one of the writers. Wow, that's nice. Look at that. Good thing we had the camera. Frame it? Yeah, the thing was bigger than he was. He's a little guy. It's always impressive when the thing's bigger than the guy is. All right, we'll take ourselves a little break. Long Beach Dub Allstars are here. We're going to speak to Jason, who's 17, when we come back. He noticed a hard lump on his scrotum a year ago. He wants to know what that's about. Well, tell him what it's about after this.

25:13 You're about to get funky, yo.

25:15 Long Beach Dub Allstars This is Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. We'll be right back.

25:49 Adam Here is Loveline. But Tim and Opie are all here from The Long Beach Dub Allstars. Right back's the name of their newest CD. We will, I'll give you some dates pretty soon where you can find them. You can for sure find them with the Vandals and Pennywise. Well, that sounds like a pretty good show tomorrow night at the Sports Arena. And then I'll give you some more dates where you can find the guys throughout the show. All right, Drew, are we missing anything?

26:18 Drew No.

26:19 Adam Jason?

26:20 Long Beach Dub Allstars Yeah?

26:21 Adam You're 17? You noticed you had a lump in your scrotum?

26:27 Long Beach Dub Allstars Uh-huh.

26:28 Adam Two of them? I'm playing a hunch here, fellas. No, there's another one. There's an extra one, right?

26:38 Caller Yeah, there's a tough bump. It's at the top of my scrotum, kind of at the base of my penis. And it squeezed it a couple of times, and it kind of popped like a zit, and then it filled back up.

26:55 Adam Oh, it's not in there. It's on there, right?

26:58 Drew Plus, it's in the skin. It's in the skin.

27:00 Adam What came out of it?

27:02 Caller Like pus, like a zit.

27:04 Drew Pus or like toothpaste?

27:06 Caller Like toothpaste.

27:08 Caller You're supposed to clean yourself off after you use Vaseline.

27:12 Drew No, the toothpaste is a sebum. It's a sebaceous cyst. And they can get infected. They can be a real pain in the neck. If you want it taken care of, have a doctor look at it.

27:21 Adam Well, what's he gonna do?

27:23 Drew Carve it out.

27:24 Adam Really?

27:25 Drew It'll keep coming back. And one day it will get infected and have to be taken out.

27:28 Adam Really? Is that the same thing I had in my ass 15 years ago?

27:32 Drew No, no, no. Like toothpaste comes out. Not pus. It's like toothpaste.

27:37 Caller I've had one of those though. And they don't they just usually take just like a needle and they suck it out with the height?

27:41 Drew No, that's pus. Toothpaste, think about trying to suck toothpaste out with a needle. I mean, really, it's even tougher consistency than that. And you have to take the wall of cyst out and yank it out.

27:50 Adam So it doesn't, what, refill?

27:51 Drew Right.

27:53 Long Beach Dub Allstars Oh, boy.

27:53 Adam And they use like a-

27:54 Drew That's what I was trying to do with your- remember how hard I pushed on your thing to see if I could get it to invert?

28:00 Long Beach Dub Allstars Oh, really?

28:00 Adam Oh, my sprotum, you mean?

28:01 Drew No, it's your penis.

28:02 Adam Sure, you said you were going to- you told me not to talk about that. Why are you bringing it up?

28:06 Drew The blump on your hand.

28:07 Adam Oh, my hand? Oh, Jesus, I feel like an idiot. Yeah, look. It's looking pretty good, right? I had a little surgery on my hand. And don't be pushing around on it.

28:16 Drew You asked me to look.

28:18 Adam Drew squeezes that thing like he's looking for a melon at a grocery market. Easy, easy. All right. I had a huge thing in there. Drew tried to drain it, but to no avail.

28:30 Caller Yeah, I had mine right there.

28:31 Adam We made it worse.

28:32 Drew I had the wrist, yeah.

28:34 Adam Chris?

28:35 Yeah. Yeah? Hey, what's going on, guys?

28:37 Adam Hey, you're 17.

28:39 Caller Yeah, what's up?

28:39 Adam What's happening?

28:40 Caller Hey, Dub Allstars. What's up, guys?

28:42 Adam Hey.

28:42 Caller How's it? What's up there, Chris? Man, I've been listening to you guys ever since Robin came out. Robin the Hood.

28:49 Caller Get It On.

28:50 Caller You guys are great. I saw you guys at HFS in September, and I actually got a couple of questions for you. My first one is when can we get some East Coast dates?

29:00 Caller We're coming out there in a couple of weeks, actually.

29:03 Caller For real?

29:03 Caller Yeah.

29:05 Drew We don't have DC up here, though.

29:07 Caller We're doing, actually, we're doing another HFS festival in Gettysburg, PA. PA, yeah. And then we'll be probably down to-

29:14 Drew Gettysburg? They have concerts?

29:15 Caller We're going to be playing in DC. What's the name of that club?

29:18 Long Beach Dub Allstars DC?

29:20 Caller I can't remember.

29:21 We're doing a bunch of dates out in New York, too, like three or four dates in New York.

29:24 Caller Check skunk.com. We should have an updated tour list on there.

29:28 Drew They have concerts in Gettysburg. It's bizarre.

29:30 Adam Chris, you're in DC then, right? Yeah. Drew, what's the... Well, skunk.com?

29:39 Drew skunk.com.

29:39 Adam What's that?

29:40 Drew The farthest east they've got here is Cincinnati or Columbus.

29:43 Caller Yeah. Then we come back to do the Bob Marley Day Festival out here, and then we go back to do the East Coast.

29:50 Adam Okay.

29:51 Drew And then we go back to Chicago on the 8th.

29:53 Adam So, hey, Chris, check out the website and see, you know, get the itinerary.

29:57 Caller Yeah, I did. And I checked out the skunk.com, and then I checked out the Dub Allstars official site, and it was just like Cali sites, or Cali dates.

30:07 Caller Okay. Yeah, we should be updating that real soon.

30:09 We'll update that tomorrow there, Chris.

30:11 Caller Okay, cool. And my second question is, I heard from somebody that there's supposed to be like a sublime box set coming out, and I don't know if that's true or not, and I don't know if Miguel is not there, and he's usually the one that does all that, and I was wondering if that was true or not, and if there's anything else coming.

30:28 Caller Well, I'm sure that they probably are doing something like that. They haven't notified me or asked anything about, you know, any new releases, but then again, they haven't asked me about any releases from Sublime or Eric for, I don't know, about two years now, so.

30:42 Caller Okay.

30:43 Adam Is that just a record company doing their thing?

30:45 Caller Yeah, record company and mismanagement, so.

30:48 Adam And would you have any say as to what would be in that box, Seth?

30:52 Caller Oh, you bet I would.

30:53 Adam And wouldn't they want to come to you to see if you had any material?

30:56 Caller You would think so, but they didn't even ask us what about our greatest hits album. They didn't even ask us our preferences for that, so.

31:03 Adam Hey, you know, it's absolutely amazing and I think one of the misnomers, until you get into this business, whatever, whether it's music or television or movies or whatever, entertainment is, you think the people that are behind the mics or in front of the camera know what's going on? Or whatever idea you don't like, it was their idea to do that or something. People just, people behind the scenes, managers, agents, record companies, producers, they just go ahead and do their things three quarters of the time and sort of, you don't know any more about it.

31:37 Caller Kind of hope that it falls into place.

31:38 Adam Yeah, but you know, you don't know any more about it sometimes than the guy buys, is going out and buying it.

31:44 Caller Half the time.

31:45 Drew Geez, I just got, I was telling you, I just got handed my February schedule.

31:48 Adam Yeah.

31:49 Drew I'll knock my teeth out.

31:51 Adam Yeah. You like that, Drew.

31:52 Drew Well, I like working hard, but I was like, whoa, wait a minute.

31:55 Adam See, that's what you do. Drew, you work too hard. That's your problem. You don't smoke enough pot.

32:01 Drew Thank God I like my work. You know, working this hard and not like it.

32:06 Adam I think you just like being away from your wife.

32:08 Drew No, no, no. Yeah.

32:09 Adam She's listening?

32:10 Drew No.

32:10 Adam She's not listening?

32:11 Drew She's not listening and it's not true.

32:12 Adam You don't know that.

32:13 Drew I don't know that, but it's not true.

32:14 Long Beach Dub Allstars Okay.

32:15 Drew It kills me to be with her.

32:16 Adam All right. So it kills you to be with your wife? I misunderstood.

32:21 Long Beach Dub Allstars Julia?

32:23 Adam You're 21.

32:24 Caller Yeah.

32:25 My idea is that my best friend is getting married in October, and I told her that I would be one of her bridesmaids, she asked me. And now the thing is that she started making out with the best man to be in the wedding. And I just feel like the whole thing is morally wrong. And I mean, I wasn't too hip on the idea anyways, because I don't like the guy she's marrying, but being her best friend, I told her that I'd be in the wedding. Now the other thing is that I'm moving out of the country this summer, and the wedding is in October, so for me to come home for the wedding is a big ordeal, like I'm going to be spending a lot of money on airfare and everything else. I'm moving to France.

32:58 Drew Why?

32:59 Caller Because I'm majoring in French and I'm going to be working over there.

33:03 Adam And...

33:03 Drew Excellent.

33:04 Adam Why? That's Spanish for good, right, Drew? And how do you know she's making...

33:12 Caller Because she told me.

33:13 Adam She said, I'm making out with the best man?

33:16 Caller Right.

33:17 Adam What does that mean, I'm making out with him?

33:19 Drew I mean, she's sleeping with him.

33:20 Adam She's sleeping with him?

33:21 Caller Probably.

33:22 Yeah.

33:23 Adam With the best man who is his best friend?

33:26 Caller Right.

33:27 Drew She's a hoe. He's a screwball anyway, right?

33:29 Caller Okay. Because he is just, I mean, the guy she's going to marry, I wasn't too hip on the idea anyway.

33:35 Drew Why? What's his deal?

33:36 Caller He's just a loser.

33:38 Drew Well, let's think of a couple of things here. One is, there's actually some sort of not great, but studies out there that show that it's not uncommon for women to have a last fling before they get married with an alpha male type.

33:54 Adam Before they stop having sex, you mean?

33:56 Drew Yeah, before they get married and have to stop having sex.

33:57 Adam Right.

33:57 Drew And that the marriage person, they choose for marriage is more someone who is of a parenting type and the one they sort of fling with is sort of an alpha, they're perceived as an alpha male.

34:07 Adam Right.

34:07 Drew And that happens a lot. And in fact, there's some study that suggests that in the olden days, very often the actual child that was conceived was from the fling before the wedding.

34:16 Adam All right. But how often do you think this actually goes down in the real world where women are on the verge of pretty common? Pretty common? It's not that common. Women are on the verge of getting married or banging on some other guy. Not with any guy. I mean, pretty common. Not more... Wedding day jitters. Five or ten, twenty percent.

34:35 Caller But it's not just that because she's done it before.

34:37 Drew She's a hoe. But that still doesn't address your question. Your question is, if you object to a wedding, to a marriage, what should you do if you've been asked to be in it?

34:47 Caller Well, I've already told her that I'm going to be in it, and so I'm really not wanting to be in it because...

34:52 Drew But you have the perfect out, which is that you're in a way...

34:56 Caller Well, I do have the perfect out, but I'm wondering if it would be more beneficial for her or for me to tell her that I don't think that what she's doing is right.

35:04 Adam Why don't you tell her you just don't agree with her decisions?

35:07 Drew Oh, she'll freak out.

35:08 Adam Oh, who cares?

35:09 Drew Also tell her you don't agree. If you don't agree, and by the way, I can't be in the wedding.

35:13 Adam Hey, Julia. Yes. These sound like the clampets over here. Why is society gals like yourself hanging out with this hillbilly trash?

35:24 Caller Well, it's just her.

35:26 Caller It's just she's an old high school friend. She's like one of the only people I still hang out from high school.

35:31 Adam All right. Well, now you'll have no one you hang out with in high school.

35:34 Drew Enjoy the Sorbonne.

35:34 Adam That's it. Fine. All right. You're going to the city of lights.

35:38 Drew Sorbonne.

35:39 Adam It smells, right, Drew?

35:41 Drew Smells of what?

35:42 Adam Smells of Parisians who stink. That's what they do over there. Listen, it's weird because there's all these people you went to high school with. They lived down the streets. My best friend. We guys grew up together. Then you get older, you get a driver's license, and you never see them again. You realize, hey, some of these people you didn't have that much in common with and you didn't really like that much. They just sat behind you in Spanish class, you know? And it takes a little while to figure that out. And some of them you keep forever. But this one doesn't sound like the one she's going to keep forever. She don't like the way she's acting.

36:18 Long Beach Dub Allstars I don't blame her. Just move on.

36:19 Drew Throw it back.

36:20 Adam Cody, you're 16. What's up?

36:24 Caller All right.

36:24 Caller I'm getting a job and they want to drug test me.

36:27 Caller And I smoked pot.

36:29 Caller And I haven't had any since like about two weeks ago. And I was just wondering when they do the test.

36:34 Drew Yeah, you smoke a lot of pot.

36:37 Caller Not a whole lot.

36:37 Drew Yeah.

36:38 Adam Hey, Cody, can I have your bong? You're getting rid of it, right?

36:46 Caller Yeah.

36:47 Drew No, you're not.

36:48 Adam He's going to wait till he passes. You're going to be high ten minutes after you pass that drug test, right?

36:53 Caller No.

36:54 Adam No?

36:54 Caller No, I'll wait till the next day.

36:56 Adam All right.

36:56 Drew No, you've been smoking a lot, right?

36:58 Caller No, not a whole lot.

37:00 Drew Cody, if a kilo a day is a whole lot, you have been smoking a whole lot, but you're smoking every day. Most days.

37:07 Caller About once a week.

37:09 Drew How much do you smoke? Once a week, honestly.

37:11 Long Beach Dub Allstars Kilo a week.

37:13 Adam You were smoking once a week.

37:15 Caller Yeah, because I used to smoke more, but I got caught, and so they check me, make sure I don't smell like it and everything.

37:22 Drew Who?

37:23 Caller My parents and my counselor at school.

37:27 Drew So you're actually doing a couple of times a week, right? Yeah. Maybe three times a week.

37:31 Caller I was.

37:35 Adam I've said this many times. Our callers think that it's a two or three day week. They smoke pot once a week. That's once every two days.

37:45 Drew Right. Once a week. Right. If indeed it's only once a week you're smoking and indeed it's relatively small, you'll probably be out in two weeks, but it may not be.

37:54 Adam Two weeks.

37:55 Drew May not be.

37:57 Adam Well, where are you trying to get a job?

37:59 Caller At Walmart.

38:00 Adam Oh boy. And what happens if you don't get the job at Walmart? I mean, you'll be all right, won't you?

38:08 Caller Yeah.

38:11 Adam What department are they going to put you in?

38:13 Caller Gardening? Lawn and Garden.

38:15 Adam Lawn and Garden.

38:16 Long Beach Dub Allstars There you go.

38:17 Adam You're a selling weed whacker. Horticultural specialist.

38:19 Long Beach Dub Allstars Yeah.

38:20 Adam Steal yourself some grow lights and some bat guana fertilizer. Oh man. Every time I try to grow weed, Drew.

38:29 Drew No.

38:30 Adam It's a horrible plant. I was flat broke, you know? So my roommate said, hey, I know this dude in Santa Barbara has got these little pot plants. You know when you're really poor and nothing's working out right, it just gets worse. It just keeps getting worse. It took like the last 270 bucks I had to my name and bought like a grow light. And he was going to like grow them in his closet and sell the weed and split up the profits. And the whole thing died. And we ended up with like a hefty bag full of leaves. Like six months later, you know, and I was I sat and talked to those god damn plans and watered them every other night and was.

39:11 Caller Why am I such a loser?

39:13 Adam Electric bill was through the roof. It was pathetic, man. Jesus Christ. And you know, disaster. Now the weed farm is going great, by the way.

39:25 Drew I mean, wheezes?

39:26 Adam No, mine. I have a couple acres up out in Humboldt.

39:29 Drew Oh, that's right.

39:30 Long Beach Dub Allstars I showed you that, right?

39:31 Adam Of course. Will be trapped. Got a couple of ex-Green Beret Vietnam Fats hanging out there.

39:36 Drew I don't realize that was your plot, but the fly by we did, yeah.

39:38 Long Beach Dub Allstars Yes.

39:39 Adam All right. So, Drew, it takes a couple of weeks for the weed to work out of your system?

39:43 Drew Yeah, it stays in fat. And if you exercise or begin losing weight, sometimes we re-sort of liberate it from the fat and show up in the urine. But for the most part, unless you're a heavy daily smoker, most part it's out in two weeks.

39:56 Adam What would you do if you smoked pot tonight and you had to take a weed test tomorrow?

40:02 Drew You'd walk in and tell them.

40:03 Adam What would you do? What would you do if you wanted to pass it?

40:07 Drew Couldn't do it.

40:07 Long Beach Dub Allstars You couldn't?

40:08 Adam What would you try to do?

40:10 Drew I'd just go in and tell them the truth.

40:12 Long Beach Dub Allstars Oh, pfft.

40:14 Drew Or I wouldn't go in.

40:16 Adam You wouldn't go in. But there's nothing you'd drink, nothing you'd eat, nothing. Nothing?

40:21 Drew Not really.

40:22 Adam And what about, like, coke? That'd be out of your body in 10 hours or something?

40:27 Drew I've had patients with all kinds of weird stuff. You know what they do?

40:29 Long Beach Dub Allstars Yeah.

40:30 Drew I don't have the way of us to do this, but they'll bring in, like, bladders full of other people's urine, the balloon with other people's urine in it. They'll bring in tubing. I once got tubing down under skin where you made it seem like he was peeing so they could observe it. They'll put Clorox under their fingernails and flick it into the urine so it neutralizes things.

40:48 Adam Well, doesn't that just read like it's Clorox?

40:51 Drew No, it doesn't. You can check things. But then they were just checking for the drugs.

40:55 Caller Afraid of people eating bleach and stuff like that.

40:57 Adam I got busted on one of those pot urine tests once. It wasn't in the urine itself, but I'd actually spilled pot into the urine sample that I handed in. It was actually a bud floating in. I hadn't smoked any of it. I was going to smoke it later, but it fell out of my belt, but I was spitting it in a cup. It was actually just the whole top of the cup was filled with pot. That didn't go well, but I thought I had them on a technicality. It kept saying, check the actual urine. Dig around the marijuana and get to the urine, smart guy. We're going to take a little break. We'll be back with the Long Beach Dub Allstars.

41:43 Drew Loveline will be right back.

42:10 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Opie, Tim, and Bud are all here for The Long Beach Dub Allstars. We're going to hear something else off of their write back CD at some point tonight. But first, I think we're going to get back.

42:31 Drew Got a fact I want to address real quick. I remember we had a call the other night about a woman was pregnant, four months pregnant, somebody had three and a half months. And we were talking. We said, I guess in most states, you're pretty much stuck. You have to see this pregnancy through.

42:44 Adam Remember that? Well, no. She was talking about, yeah, she was three months and wanted to have an abortion or something.

42:50 Drew And we were sort of exploring whether or not she could in her state.

42:52 Adam I told her to do it.

42:53 Drew We both said fine. Go ahead. But we didn't think she'd.

42:55 Adam No, you said you can't have it.

42:56 Drew No, I said you probably can. In most states, you can.

42:58 Adam That's what I just said.

43:00 Drew That's right. Well, apparently, everybody's taking issue with that. Because we said that at all, the people are very upset about it.

43:07 Adam Oh, really?

43:07 Drew Yeah, it's bizarre.

43:08 Adam Oh, good. What did they say?

43:10 Drew We're giving out false information, so I don't understand what the false information means.

43:12 Adam What's the false information?

43:13 Drew I don't understand.

43:14 Adam You mean that you...

43:15 Drew That we even talked about the fact that most states have a three-month cutoff.

43:19 Adam Well, do they?

43:20 Drew As far as I know, they do.

43:21 Adam So are they mad that they wanted her to have the abortion?

43:24 Drew Which, until we let it go, that was the final recommendation anyway, wasn't it?

43:28 Adam No. Drew, you, and listen, with this revisionist history of yours...

43:33 Drew I'm trying to remember what happened.

43:34 Adam You're trying to remember nothing. Listen to me. Shut Drew's mic off, please. This guy's got all the degrees on the smart one here. Drew, you said, well, if you're three months pregnant plus, you can't have an abortion anyway.

43:47 Drew Right. In most states.

43:48 Adam And I said, why not? And you said, well, you know, too far along. And I said, I thought you could have one. And you said, you didn't think so. And these people are writing in saying, yes, you can. I think you should be able to have the abortion in the 10th month. I think if the mother and the father decide to push the kid back up the mom and then abort somewhere within the first year, that's fine.

44:11 Drew Well, then we're almost getting to that point.

44:12 Adam Wait, wait till I run for president.

44:16 Drew It's not that silly, really. I mean, what?

44:17 Adam Junior, get back in there.

44:20 Drew What's the thing, guys?

44:21 Adam We decided to abort you. My dad wanted me to crawl up my mom just last year and abort me.

44:25 Drew What difference does it make if it's inside or outside it, you know, nine months, 10 months, 11?

44:29 Adam Get off that high horse here, Drew. Come on, that's a good idea. Yes, up until if, here would be my policy. If the child has not left the house by its 28th birthday, you can do a retroactive abortion. You can actually have the guy and, like, maybe a video game or something, crawl back up mom, and then we'll have the procedure done.

44:53 Drew What is our position on abortion?

44:54 Adam What is it?

44:55 Drew You want to have one?

44:55 Adam I'm all for it. I want women who aren't pregnant to get abortions.

44:59 Drew But aren't we also suggesting that people acknowledge how much it sometimes makes women feel awful?

45:04 Adam Yes, it's bad, but what are you going to do?

45:07 Drew And that there are serious philosophical issues that need to be looked at. Right.

45:11 Adam Not a good thing, and that's why we want everyone to get on that morning after pill.

45:15 Drew Exactly. It would be nice to have that eliminated, abortion. So there would be no need for abortion anymore. That's our primary position, isn't it?

45:21 Adam Yes.

45:21 Drew I'd like to see the whole problem that is there to rectify, to take care of.

45:26 Adam Oh, you can just see me standing in front of the pearly gates with, who's there, St. Peter? No, no, no, no. I said abortion was bad. That was Drew.

45:36 Drew The Drew was... Oh, this revisionist history is St. Peter.

45:39 Adam Drew, he's got one of those vanity plates on his car. It says Mr. Abortion. Are you kidding me? No, no, that's my partner. It's total confusion. Yeah, yeah, he lit the farts, too. Same guy. That's right.

45:53 Long Beach Dub Allstars Thank you.

45:54 Adam Thank you.

45:55 Drew Move along.

45:56 Adam He should be around. Don't tell him I'm here.

45:59 Long Beach Dub Allstars James?

45:59 Yeah.

46:00 Adam You're 17.

46:01 Caller Yeah.

46:02 Adam What's up?

46:03 Caller This girl, I've been like dating her, and she... I got caught trying to sneak in her window, and her parents told me I could never see her again.

46:12 Adam Was the window attached to the house? Yeah. All right. That's trouble.

46:16 Caller Yeah. But she's going over to her dad's tomorrow, and she's had two boyfriends in the time that I've been messing around with her, and she broke up with one to be with me, but then we got told we couldn't see each other anymore, and now she's going out with another one. But I know she likes me more, and I know she'll want to sneak out and see me tomorrow, and I'm going to go talk to her, and I'm wondering, do I go through with it, or do I just say, screw it?

46:44 Adam Well, there's a few holes here in the story, James. One is she was dating two guys.

46:49 Caller No, she was dating one other guy when it started.

46:53 Adam Well, you said she was dating two guys.

46:54 Caller No, she's dated two since it started. She is going out with another one now.

46:59 Adam Okay.

46:59 Caller But she would.

47:00 Drew What's the question?

47:02 Caller I want to know.

47:02 Adam James, maybe if he doesn't wear her out when he's on top of her, she'll have enough energy left for you later on in the night.

47:09 Caller I'm number one.

47:10 Adam You're number one?

47:11 Drew Yeah. What is the question?

47:14 Caller Do I stop seeing her? Or do I keep doing it?

47:17 Drew Stop. Stop? It's a mess. You're not helping her. She's a mess. She's acting out. This is contributing to her pain, not making her better. It's going to get you in trouble eventually.

47:26 Adam It's a bad precedent to set for yourself at 17. You know what I mean?

47:31 Drew You're that guy.

47:32 Adam At least at 17, you should think a woman could be true. You know? I mean, at least at 17, would you want to? You know what I mean? I mean, if you're doing this at 17, what's going on at 27 in terms of what you're putting up with? James, your girlfriend has boyfriends. You understand? Yeah.

47:54 Drew Yeah, that's bad. I hope you're using a condom. God knows what STDs you could be exposed to, and of course, pregnancy. Come on.

48:00 Adam All right, James.

48:03 Drew Sorry, James.

48:04 Adam Crawl through another window. All right? Somewhere else. Crawl out of a window, would you? Oh, yeah.

48:10 Long Beach Dub Allstars All right. Screwball.

48:12 Adam Jesus.

48:13 Drew Attributing to the dysfunction of a sick person.

48:14 Adam Well, it's like, yeah, she's banging with these other guys, but I know she likes me. He's number one.

48:20 Caller Yeah.

48:21 Adam He's number two.

48:22 Drew First in line every night.

48:23 Adam What he is.

48:24 Long Beach Dub Allstars All right.

48:25 Adam We will take ourselves a little break and be back at Long Beach Dub Allstars.

48:31 Drew Love line, with Anna Perot and Dr. Drew, we'll be right back before you know it.

49:01 Adam Yeah, we're going to take a little 10-second time out here, and we'll be back with more of the Fabulous program in just 10 seconds.

49:09 This is Love Line on Radio Station.

49:24 Long Beach Dub Allstars All right.

49:25 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Opie, Tim, and Bud are all here. From The Long Beach Dub Allstars, we will... Wow. Is this the itinerary? Well, I'll tell you what. Why don't you just go to, is it skunk.com? Yeah. And don't go tonight because they haven't updated it. But when are you guys going to update the website and get all the venues on there?

49:50 Caller We'll do that tomorrow there.

49:51 Adam Tomorrow? All right. Take care of that tomorrow. You're going to do a first thing? Yeah.

49:55 Caller I'll get right to that.

49:56 Adam Listen, I got the car picking me up at six. So I'm going to want to check it out probably about 53545. Think it'll be up? You have to set your alarm. All right. Well, listen, check it soon and periodically find out what you need to know and when they're coming to a town near you because they will be coming to a town near you. Rachel.

50:17 Caller Hey, what's up?

50:18 Adam You're 15. How's it going?

50:20 Caller Good. Hey, my problem is there's this girl that I totally like and I totally want to make out with her, but I don't know how to approach her.

50:27 Adam Yeah?

50:28 Caller Yeah, so which I did.

50:28 Adam Is she your friend of yours?

50:30 Caller Yeah, I've known her since I was seven years old.

50:32 Adam Oh, yeah? You think she's into girls?

50:34 Caller We've talked about it before, like, but she hasn't really made any hints that she is.

50:39 Adam All right.

50:40 Drew So you don't want to freak her out, do you?

50:41 Caller No.

50:42 Adam Well, how did the conversation go?

50:44 Caller Well, we were talking about how guys are total losers and how we should just totally hook up with girls, but we were kind of just joking about it.

50:51 Drew Why don't you tell her more about what you're all about before you start coming on to her?

50:55 Adam What do you mean?

50:57 Drew Just be more honest about what your sexual orientation is. Just talk about it as a friend. If she then reveals to you that she also has similar kinds of-

51:05 Adam You like women or-

51:06 Caller Get her drunk and slip her a roofie. That's what I usually do.

51:10 Adam Wine cool. That's what you do nicely. Right, bud? Hey, Rachel?

51:15 Yeah.

51:16 Adam You really like her, right?

51:18 Yeah.

51:18 Adam But maybe you don't like other women as much?

51:21 No, I do.

51:22 Adam You do?

51:22 Drew You're a lesbian.

51:24 Adam Like all women. Sometimes, okay, well, why don't you just talk to her?

51:28 Caller You could slip her a note in math class.

51:31 Adam Slip her something. I'll tell you what, I don't go for- I don't agree with giving her the roof or roofie, but I do want her to- why doesn't she slip her the note in the wine cooler and she can drink the note? That sounds like it makes sense. That's pretty healthy. Women are capable of falling in love with one chick but not being lesbian.

51:55 Drew Right.

51:56 Adam And it's always bizarre to me because there's no guy you know who goes, I ain't gay, but I'd blow Larry.

52:06 Drew And make out with him.

52:07 Adam Larry's hot.

52:09 Caller I would blow that Larry in the heart.

52:11 Adam But other than that, guys, it's the way he combs the hair on his ass.

52:14 Drew No, no, no. It's, I don't know, it's something about him. I love him.

52:19 Adam I love that Larry. Something about the way the beer trickles down, it's chaining on to his T-shirt when he's chugging a 40 ounce or something about the way he goes after his dog with the wiffled bat, something. I don't know what a certain je ne sais quoi about that Larry.

52:34 Drew We just have that special connection.

52:35 Adam I don't like guys. I'm into chicks. But I'll tell you that Larry, I'd blow him. Oh, yeah. Guys don't do that. Either guy, here's the guys, either want to blow no one or everyone. That's how guys are. Guys are like either the thought of being with another guy makes me physically ill or take a number and line up behind the stall and come on in. Come on. Come on.

53:01 Drew Oh, boy.

53:02 Adam How does that work with the guys?

53:03 Drew I'm not sure it's quite like.

53:04 Adam Oh, yes, it is. Gay guy either wants, gay guy wants everyone. Straight guy wants no man. That's how it works. Once you're gay, all men are fair game.

53:11 Drew Yeah.

53:12 Adam Don't you know that?

53:13 Drew Yeah, but they still have to be monogamous.

53:15 Adam Martin? Yeah. You're 19.

53:18 Caller Yeah.

53:21 Adam What's up there, Martin?

53:22 Caller Well, it's kind of embarrassing, but I was trying to do anal sex with my girlfriend a couple weeks ago, and she totally refused me, pushed me off the bed and just walked out, and now she doesn't even talk to me.

53:35 Drew Did you hurt her?

53:37 Caller No, I didn't even start. We didn't even start.

53:40 Caller I just turned her over and.

53:42 Adam Was she asleep?

53:43 Caller No.

53:45 Adam Sometimes I get pissed if you don't wake them up.

53:47 Caller Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

53:49 Drew Did she tell you what troubles her?

53:51 Caller No, she doesn't even talk to me. I call her and doesn't return my calls. I go to her house.

53:56 Adam Yeah.

53:56 Caller Doesn't come out.

53:58 Adam And maybe she's not that interested.

54:01 Caller Yeah, I.

54:02 Adam Yeah.

54:02 Caller Probably not.

54:03 Adam Should we call her up? We get to the bottom of this part of the pond. Yeah, why don't we do that? Is she up?

54:09 Caller No, I don't know.

54:12 Adam Come on, Martin. How old is she?

54:13 Caller She's 22.

54:14 Adam 22. She's up. She's an adult.

54:17 Caller Think so?

54:18 Adam I hope so. What does she do?

54:20 Caller Is it night Thursday?

54:21 Adam Yeah, what night is it, Drew?

54:23 Drew Thursday.

54:23 Caller She might be at college. I'm not sure.

54:25 Adam Yeah. Where is she? A bartending college? What college is it?

54:29 Caller 10 o'clock at night?

54:30 Adam Come on.

54:31 Caller All right.

54:31 Adam All right. Listen, if you're going to come up with an excuse, come up with an excuse. 1115. She's at college. Yeah. I have these all night colleges. You know about those?

54:45 Long Beach Dub Allstars Yeah.

54:47 Adam What do we do? Put them on hold?

54:48 Drew Yeah. At least we'll take care of it.

54:49 Adam All right. He's not going to give her the phone number. Listen, here's the deal. When women stop talking to you, when they don't return your calls, when you come over to their house and they don't come out, they're not interested. It's usually not the one thing that you did. It's a collection of many things that you've done over the months or over the years. The one thing may have set them over the edge, but that was a straw that broke the camel's back. It's not like you're a prince. Then what guys do is they argue about the one thing. Oh, come on. I called your sister fat. Big deal. Come on. We should break up because I know there's a whole history of junk that you did, and the problem is is then they start pulling that out halfway into the argument and you can't argue.

55:34 Caller Did Martin tell her that he wanted to have any sex?

55:37 Adam I don't know if she was...

55:38 Drew No, he said he just spurned her over and that's where she freaked out.

55:40 Caller Oh.

55:41 Drew Oh, well.

55:42 Adam Yeah.

55:42 Caller You got to warm them up a little bit.

55:44 Caller Oh, God.

55:44 Adam Yeah, you do.

55:45 Drew It's a marriage.

55:46 Caller There's an etiquette.

55:47 Adam Yeah, there's a certain procedure.

55:49 Drew Yeah?

55:50 Caller Oh.

55:51 Long Beach Dub Allstars Yeah.

55:51 Drew How's that work?

55:52 Adam Well, first you got to... Remember what Bud was saying about the roofie?

55:56 Long Beach Dub Allstars Yeah.

56:00 Adam There's a two-roofie job. One roofie, that's just for straight... That's regular sex. Two roofie. Yeah. And then there's the wine cooler. Then there's the hot sitz bath. You got to sit them in the tub for a little while. Make sure they're cleaned out.

56:14 Caller The wine cooler is like the West Coast version.

56:17 Adam Right. Then there's, if you're like me, there's the bottle brush. I make sure everything's cleaned down there. Right, Drew?

56:23 Drew A loofah brush. Turkey baster.

56:25 Adam Yeah, there's that loofah with the stick on it that I like to use in there. It's like trying to put a truck into the granny gear or something. I like to really grind that thing around a little bit, make sure everything's cleaned out. Drew, you know what the granny gear is? No, it's the ear no man. The truck. The man knows what a granny gear is.

56:45 Drew What is a granny gear? Low gear?

56:47 Adam Old trucks used to have a first gear that was really super ultra low that you never drove in unless you were pulling something. And you city folk, you golden spooners, you drive around in that granny gear. Jennifer?

57:04 Yeah, hi.

57:05 Adam You're 24. What's up?

57:08 Caller My question was that every time I have sex in the shower with my husband, I get nauseous, dizzy, I've passed out, thrown up, happens every time, hot or cold water.

57:16 Drew And has this happened any other time?

57:18 Caller No, just in the shower.

57:21 Drew So you're able to have sex otherwise without that happening?

57:23 Caller Yeah.

57:24 Drew Have you ever passed out at any other time in your life?

57:27 Caller Yeah, I have from heat before.

57:29 Drew So you're prone to sort of swooning, right?

57:31 Caller Not really. It's only happened maybe twice.

57:34 Drew Right, but that's not other than in the shower?

57:38 Caller Right.

57:38 Drew So when you're by yourself in the shower, that happens also?

57:40 Caller No, never.

57:42 Drew Okay, again, people who are sort of prone to this are the kind of not. And they used to call it swooning. It's called a vasovagal reaction. And you have that where your heart slows way down and blood pressure drops out. And certainly the hot water.

57:56 Adam Is it the sex combined with the hot water?

57:58 Caller No, it's not always with the hot water.

57:59 Drew It's not always hot, which I'm quite surprising.

58:02 Caller Yeah, we've tried to turn the water cold from the time we get in there.

58:05 Caller Are you standing up? Yeah, that might have something to do with it, too. Because I've noticed if I'm standing up, sometimes the blood stops coming to my head, you know, the one on top. And I definitely have to sit down on my little step that I made in my shower. So that might help. Yeah, sometimes I have to turn on the cold water, too, to cool myself down.

58:26 Adam You know you've arrived when you have that step in your shower.

58:30 Caller There's a lot of planning in the bathroom.

58:32 Adam Sit down and shower. That means you're doing good. You know what I'm saying, Drew? You know that step that rich people have in their tub? They can sit there. Like, hey, look at me, I'm showering, but I'm relaxing. I'm taking like a bath shower is what I'm taking.

58:50 Drew Jennifer, are you on your medication?

58:52 Adam You really arrive when you get the water coming out of both sides. I got that, too. Out of the fish's head. You got water coming out of both sides?

59:00 Caller Yeah.

59:02 Adam You hear that, Drew?

59:03 Drew I woke up for that.

59:04 Adam Yeah. I'm still standing in a tub. That's, you know what I mean? With the curtain, you know, with the plastic curtain.

59:10 Drew No, that's not right.

59:11 Caller See, I can sit in my jacuzzi tub.

59:14 Adam Oh, jacuzzi tub.

59:15 Caller And then it gets too hot, you turn the showers on, so you get cold water coming down, and it's like it's raining. And then you have your glass of wine sitting there right on the step, and it's nice because the water doesn't dilute the wine at all.

59:27 Drew Jennifer? No medication? No, no. And no known venicle problems?

59:32 Caller Well, no. I mean, heart disease runs in my family. Both my parents died from it.

59:36 Drew This isn't necessarily an issue with heart disease, but it is something that ought to be evaluated, because there can be abnormalities of, let's call it the electrical or mechanical function of the heart that could be of significance.

59:47 Adam All right. You know what I got on order, though? It's sort of the poor man's water coming out of both sides. I got that enema toilet seat.

59:55 Drew What's coming?

59:56 Adam I ordered that.

59:57 Drew Well, how did you find it?

59:58 Adam Daniel and Jimmy found it over the Internet. Toilet seat shoots water at your ass.

1:00:03 Drew How much was that?

1:00:04 Adam Cleans you right out.

1:00:05 Caller Wakeboarding.

1:00:06 Adam I think it's like 500 bucks or something. It ain't cheap, but can you put a price on your ass?

1:00:11 Long Beach Dub Allstars That's very true.

1:00:13 Adam If you could, it'd be like 500. I'd sell my ass for 500.

1:00:16 Drew You've been going back to the Rego Royale ever since.

1:00:18 Adam I went to the Rego Royale Hotel in New York, and they got a toilet seat. It's called, one special suite is called the S suite. I can't say the whole word. You sit on this toilet and warm water shoots right at your ass. I know it's not something you'd think to do, but you're sitting there and there's this console on the side of the thing. It's like you're a jet pilot or something. You're like, wow, I push one button, a sidewinder missile went right into the hotel. I didn't think that was a good idea to put that there, but I push this other button and warm water started shooting right in my ass.

1:00:54 Caller That would be really nice after a five-hour flight. Sometimes that asshole just starts building up.

1:01:02 Drew Adam's got the peanut butter in the carpet thing going on.

1:01:04 Adam Yeah, I told him, me using toilet paper is like trying to get peanut butter out of carpet with like a wet nap or something. It's a mess. You just spread it around. You don't really get any of it out. Paper's dry when I bring it back. It's just this hair stuck to it. But you know you take a shower, but especially in your shower, it's coming at you from all angles and it's such a commitment. And then you get out, you step out of the shower and it's been like nice hot water, it got the juices flowing and you think, Christ, now I got to go number two. And you think, all right, now I'm going to walk around with the crap stuck to my ass the whole day because I'm going to get back in the shower. But what if you had the toilet seat that spat at your tuchus while you took a dump?

1:01:49 Drew That's it. You're going to have it. Huge. Well, I hope it affects your mood and your overall demeanor.

1:01:55 Adam If this works out, I'm putting it in my car. Wouldn't that be great? Rebecca, you're 17.

1:02:06 Caller I have a question. I went to the clinic Wednesday and I was there for a pregnancy test and it came back all messed up.

1:02:15 Drew What do you mean it came back all messed up?

1:02:17 Caller There was no plus or negative sign. It was all pink.

1:02:21 Drew This was a urine pregnancy test?

1:02:22 Caller Yeah. They don't know why. I have all the symptoms of pregnancy but they can't tell if I am or not.

1:02:29 Drew Did they do a blood test?

1:02:31 Caller No.

1:02:32 Drew Why not?

1:02:33 Caller They just didn't. They gave me a PAP.

1:02:37 Adam A what? A PAP smear? Yeah. When you go to a clinic they don't give you that pink or blue pregnancy test, do they? They don't they give you more?

1:02:46 Caller Plus or minus.

1:02:46 Drew They can do all kinds of things, yeah.

1:02:48 Caller And it turned pink.

1:02:49 Drew All right.

1:02:50 Caller And they gave me two. But I was wondering if I wasn't, what else could be causing it?

1:02:55 Drew And what are the symptoms?

1:02:57 Caller I've put on a lot of weight. My stomach is hard. I threw up for two months. And I'm always tired and hungry.

1:03:05 Drew That could be a lot of things. Are you on medication?

1:03:07 Caller No.

1:03:08 Drew I mean, did they do a medical evaluation on you completely? They take full lab work up?

1:03:14 Caller Before, yeah, but not at this clinic.

1:03:17 Adam You have an unprotected sex?

1:03:19 Caller Yeah.

1:03:20 Drew These are very nonspecific symptoms.

1:03:22 Adam Why are you having unprotected sex?

1:03:24 Caller Because I'm engaged.

1:03:26 Adam Okay. Seventeen, huh?

1:03:28 Caller Yeah.

1:03:28 Adam So you just figure you have the kids and...

1:03:30 Caller Yeah.

1:03:32 Adam You're seventeen though. You want to have kids that soon?

1:03:35 Caller Well, if it happens, it happens.

1:03:37 Drew That's not what he asked.

1:03:39 Caller What a dumb thing to do.

1:03:41 Adam Well, it's kind of a retarded approach to starting a family. Hey, if it happens, it happens. I mean, don't you want to kind of establish yourself a little bit?

1:03:50 Caller No.

1:03:50 Adam No? All right.

1:03:52 Drew Who's going to...

1:03:52 Caller My kids? Fine.

1:03:53 Adam Yeah, great.

1:03:54 Drew How are you going to support the kids?

1:03:56 Caller Huh?

1:03:56 Drew How are you going to support the kids?

1:03:58 Caller My fiance has a job.

1:03:59 Adam Oh, he has a job? You know, I like when people brag.

1:04:02 Caller I go, is he a cook?

1:04:04 Caller Yeah.

1:04:05 Adam He actually...

1:04:05 Caller He's a trucker.

1:04:06 Adam Oh, he's a trucker. He'll be a wonderful father. Yeah. I like when we have the only callers in the world to brag. I go, listen, your boyfriend has a job. He has four jobs. I go, listen, that's not good. It's better to have one job. No, four jobs. That means they all suck. Yeah. He's an accountant. He's a stockbroker. He's a lawyer and he's a doctor and an astronaut. He has five jobs. It's never those jobs. Hey, Rebecca, the guy drives a truck. He probably doesn't make a mint. You're 17 years old. You're young and confused. Why don't you slow down just a little bit, get married, get that house, save up a little money, take care of the kid maybe a little better than your folks still care of you. You know what I'm saying?

1:04:56 Caller My parents still care of me.

1:04:57 Adam They did? Where are they?

1:05:00 Caller In the bedroom.

1:05:01 Adam You're living at home?

1:05:02 Caller Yeah.

1:05:03 Adam Listen, you shouldn't be trying to get pregnant when you're still living at home.

1:05:06 Caller I'm not trying, but...

1:05:07 Adam All right. Well, you are if you... Listen.

1:05:09 Caller I was wondering...

1:05:10 Adam Hold on a second, goofball. If you have sex and you don't use protection... Hey, Drew, let me ask you a hypothetical. When you wanted to get your wife pregnant, what did you do?

1:05:18 Drew Had sex without protection.

1:05:19 Adam There you go. Same thing I did.

1:05:21 Drew Rebecca, there's any number of things that we cause. You need a general medical workup and then people need to focus in. Then people need to focus in on your gastroenterologic system, probably an upper lower endoscopy. You may need a big workup attached to this.

1:05:34 Adam Your parents still together? No. They were never married.

1:05:40 Drew Oh, they're perfect, though.

1:05:42 Adam And who's raising you?

1:05:44 Caller My mother and my stepfather.

1:05:45 Adam Stepdad. All right, where's your real dad?

1:05:48 Caller I don't see him.

1:05:49 Adam There you go. Perfect. We're getting somewhere.

1:05:51 Caller I haven't seen him since September.

1:05:53 Adam How old's your, why not?

1:05:55 Caller Because I ran away from home.

1:05:56 Adam I thought everything was going great.

1:05:58 Drew Your parents raised you perfectly.

1:06:01 Caller No, my mom did.

1:06:02 Adam All right, why'd you run away?

1:06:03 Caller Because I was living with my father and I took off my fiance.

1:06:07 Adam Right, but what were you running from?

1:06:09 Caller We were going to get married.

1:06:11 Adam All right, we all know she was running from something. How old is your fiance? Okay, and he's driving a truck around. You're lucky truckers can't get laid. Otherwise, she'd be screwing everybody. It's like on one hand, the guy's gone 300 days out of the year. On the other hand, no chick's screwing a trucker.

1:06:31 Drew Rebecca, the other part.

1:06:32 Adam It's like it evens out.

1:06:34 Drew Rebecca, clearly you need a pregnancy blood test for starters and then once that's ruled out, then going through a medical evaluation via.

1:06:41 Adam The truckers get that serious curl in their cap. I was explaining on the show there that I stumbled onto something. The wider the trash you are, the more curl you get in the bill of your hat. And that when you become real super white trash, it just becomes a tube in the front of you. It's like you're wearing a paper towel to roll, you know, like in the front of your head. And truckers, man, truckers are always white trash guys, you know, and their bill, their bill actually, like the left side passes the right side, it goes under it and comes around again. It's like, it looks like a crescent roll when you're looking at it. You ever notice that truckers got like the biggest curl in their bill?

1:07:20 Drew I noticed your bill's getting a little curly.

1:07:23 Adam All right, I was demonstrating for the kids. Come on, man. Seriously, Drew, the kids wouldn't think I'm hip. Truckers and farmers got the most curl in their bill. The two whitest trashes professions. Cindy?

1:07:40 Drew Cindy?

1:07:41 Oh, yes.

1:07:42 Drew Caller who goes by Cindy?

1:07:44 Adam There you go. You're 27. People, our show, our callers are so stoned, they forget the name they gave.

1:07:52 Caller No, my question was, my husband has a curved penis and it curves downward.

1:07:57 Adam White trash, that penis.

1:08:00 Caller Do you hear me?

1:08:01 Caller He wanted to know if there's a way to correct that.

1:08:05 Drew How bad is the curve?

1:08:06 Caller It's not bad at all, but for some reason it bothers him.

1:08:10 Drew Is it affecting his functioning?

1:08:12 Caller No, not at all.

1:08:13 Drew No discomfort?

1:08:14 Caller No, it's not discomfort.

1:08:15 Drew Well, the only way that most...

1:08:17 Adam Did you say curve down?

1:08:18 Caller Yeah, curves downward. Now, I also have a question...

1:08:21 Caller He must have been doing the underhand version or something.

1:08:23 Drew Can he what?

1:08:24 Adam He masturbated with his foot, I'm supposed to say.

1:08:27 Caller Is it possible that, like, if you're on top and you, like, go down on it and it, like, you know, pops out and you go back down on it and you smash it, is it possible that I could have curved it? Because we have an argument sometimes.

1:08:42 Drew Yeah, you could injure... Yeah, it's possible. It caused some scarring. I suppose that's possible.

1:08:46 Adam No, no, but she didn't get it going that direction. It had to start that direction in the first place in order for her to curve in that direction.

1:08:54 Drew It could cause some ripping and then things could scar down in that direction.

1:08:57 Adam But the only way does a woman go when she's on top and facing you?

1:09:03 Drew That way, same.

1:09:04 Adam Same back curve?

1:09:05 Drew Yeah.

1:09:05 Adam Not that way?

1:09:06 Drew No.

1:09:08 Caller Really?

1:09:10 Adam No wonder they're always yelling. I'm always trying to go the other way.

1:09:14 Drew The only correctable procedure there is, is something that will sort of take a pie, sort of a pie slice out of the opposite side from where the shortening is. And so make the entire penis shorter by bringing it sort of up and around. Cindy says that's out of the question with her husband.

1:09:29 Yeah.

1:09:30 Adam Yeah. Not much to spare, huh?

1:09:35 Caller No, it's not that at all.

1:09:36 Adam Well, listen, what if they compromise? They take the pie slice piece of your husband's penis, but you get to take it with you to work. It'll be a little piece of penis pie.

1:09:48 Caller No, it's not. I mean, he just was curious.

1:09:50 Adam All right. All right. Hey, Drew, I don't know.

1:09:52 Drew Take some vitamin E. Vitamin E tends to be helpful, and sometimes that's gauri.

1:09:54 Adam Oh, I was talking. Were we talking about this?

1:09:56 Drew 800 units by the end of the day. What?

1:09:58 Adam The penis bending down is a weird one.

1:10:00 Drew Yeah, we've been talking about that one lately, though. We had a couple calls.

1:10:03 Adam One of the most penis going down is kind of a weird look, I would think.

1:10:07 Drew We were talking, but I was talking about how it fits with the anatomy. Give me the book, mind you. The anatomy book.

1:10:11 Adam All right. Drew's going to... Drew opens this book. There's all kinds of stuff in there. There's the vagina, which I thought was just a patch of hair. It turns out it has all kinds of stuff going on in there. It's like a hole, an opening. Then there's parts, like around.

1:10:31 Long Beach Dub Allstars At least you hope so.

1:10:33 Adam Yeah. I just thought it was like a goatee.

1:10:36 Drew This is how it goes back.

1:10:39 Adam That's the ass there?

1:10:40 Drew Yeah.

1:10:40 Adam All right. But if your penis went that way.

1:10:43 Drew It's going the direction.

1:10:45 Adam Is this the place here?

1:10:46 Drew Yeah.

1:10:46 Adam Right there?

1:10:48 Drew Yeah.

1:10:48 Adam It goes back at an angle, but it doesn't bend.

1:10:50 Drew No, no, no. It doesn't bend, but it's going in that direction. It's not going this direction.

1:10:53 Adam Yeah. But if a woman was on top of you, wouldn't she be leaning forward like that? And then like, you know.

1:11:04 Drew Oh, the visual there.

1:11:07 Adam I just made the anatomy book hop up and down. You know what I'm saying though? She wouldn't be standing. She'd be leaning forward, right?

1:11:15 Drew Sometimes.

1:11:15 Adam Sometimes?

1:11:16 Drew Okay.

1:11:19 Adam Thanks for that there, Drew. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. The Long Beach Dub Allstars are here. Let me just check in with Ryan real fast. Ryan? Hello?

1:11:29 Long Beach Dub Allstars Yeah.

1:11:30 Adam Your girlfriend only wants anal sex?

1:11:33 Caller Yeah.

1:11:33 Adam That's all she wants?

1:11:35 Caller Oh, yeah. She has this problem where she won't let me have regular sex with her, like unless I have anal sex with her. And even then, she's like pretty stingy about it.

1:11:43 Drew She wants to be a virgin.

1:11:45 Adam No, she doesn't want to be a virgin, right?

1:11:48 Caller No, she's not a virgin. She's had one other guy before me.

1:11:51 Adam She just wants the anal sex.

1:11:52 Caller Yeah. And I'm not, like, too down with that. And she just, she won't have regular sex. She won't give me oral sex unless I give her anal sex.

1:12:03 Adam Wow. It's like some kind of big sex swap meet. Like some kind of Turkish bazaar or something. Like they're trading stuff. All right. Well, I'm not going down on you. Let's talk to my attorney as I've had enough of that.

1:12:16 Drew It's an auction on eBay.

1:12:18 Caller I don't think you really have to worry until she starts asking you to give her a dirty Schultz.

1:12:22 Caller Yeah, that's pretty Schultz.

1:12:24 Caller Yeah. You know what that is?

1:12:26 Adam Wait, hold on a second. We got to go break. I've heard a version of this, but we're going to, Bud is going to tell us what a dirty Schultz is. And I'm sure whatever dirty Schultz is, it could be corrected by my toilet seat, by the way. Or Bud's double spray shower. All right, after this.

1:12:46 Caller Yo, Loveline will be right back, homie.

1:13:22 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Snoop Dogg's coming in tomorrow. Not tomorrow, next week. At least that's what they say. So hopefully, we'll see him right now. We have Opie and Tim and Bud All from Long Beach Dub Allstars, and we'll hear something off of their CD.

1:13:48 Drew After this call.

1:13:49 Adam Yeah, we'll take this call, then we'll hear something else off the CD. Ryan?

1:13:53 Caller Yeah.

1:13:53 Adam You're 18?

1:13:54 Caller Yeah.

1:13:54 Adam What's up? Oh, your girlfriend only wants anal sex.

1:13:57 Caller Yeah, and she's weird. She's pretty freaky. She does a lot of... She likes a lot of freaky fetishes, and she likes to nibble on the head of my penis. And I don't know, it's just she's really weird, and she just won't have regular sex with me unless I just give her anal sex first.

1:14:16 Adam How's the nibbling work?

1:14:19 Caller I don't know.

1:14:19 Adam You know... That could be a good thing, right?

1:14:22 Caller Well, it can, until she gets a little vicious. I mean, you know, she gets a little vicious sometimes, but the first time she was giving me head, she just, like after five months, you know, she just started nibbling and it was like really weird. But, you know.

1:14:35 Adam All right. Maybe she's a little screwy, right?

1:14:39 Caller Yeah. I don't know what she... I think she's in the... She's in the Marines. I don't know.

1:14:44 Caller Oh.

1:14:46 Adam Jarhead, huh? Nibbled jarhead. And what the...

1:14:51 Long Beach Dub Allstars What the...

1:14:52 Adam She's in the Marines?

1:14:53 Long Beach Dub Allstars Yeah. Oh.

1:14:54 Adam Yeah, that's bad news. She could shoot you, right?

1:14:58 Drew Are you in the Marines, too?

1:14:59 Caller Well, I could shoot her, too, because I'm in the Air Force.

1:15:01 Adam Well, you return fire. Or you could bomb her. Yeah.

1:15:04 Caller But she just... I don't know.

1:15:06 Adam All right.

1:15:06 Caller She could be pretty abusive sometimes.

1:15:07 Adam Yeah. Ryan, I'm guessing maybe she hasn't had the greatest life and maybe she's a little nutty and maybe, you know, you ought to just have your kicks. But I don't know if she's marriage material, this one.

1:15:20 Caller Well, I'm not looking to get married to her, but I can't have my kicks with her because she just won't let me unless, you know...

1:15:26 Adam Well, what's wrong with the back door? You don't like that?

1:15:28 Caller Is it the smell?

1:15:30 Caller No, I don't know because, you know, she wanted me to give her a rim job one night, too, and that just kind of freaked me out, too. I just...

1:15:36 Caller That sounds too appetizing.

1:15:38 Adam Yeah, I'm not into that.

1:15:39 Drew Asshole.

1:15:41 Adam I mean, you know, Mike, I... I mean, you, Drew, you know this, but I swear to God this is a true story. Five years ago, I don't know how long ago it was, I was sitting at the dinner table with my grandmother. She says, you know what a rim job is? I said, I don't know. And I thought, you know, like when you know something, you meet, you know, like any kind of trivia question, if you know the answer, you, uh, uh, uh, you know, yeah, well, no, I know, no, hold on. But I thought, geez, maybe I do not throw the hand up on this one. She said, I was, she was at the Veterans Administration talking to some veterans and they were like, yeah, I got a rim job. And my grandma was like, I didn't know what a rim job was, but I didn't want to say.

1:16:24 Drew I thought it was something with a car.

1:16:25 Adam I don't know if everyone knows what a rim job is, but who knows what a rim job is? So I'm like, uh. So someone else at the table, like, pipes up. Yeah, eat out, another guy's asshole.

1:16:38 Drew Pass the mashed potatoes, please.

1:16:39 Long Beach Dub Allstars Yeah.

1:16:40 Adam We just talk about normal stuff.

1:16:42 Drew And Father McCleary, would you like some too?

1:16:44 Long Beach Dub Allstars Yeah.

1:16:46 Adam Rabbi, you'll be having some of that?

1:16:48 Long Beach Dub Allstars Thank you.

1:16:48 Adam Wendy?

1:16:49 Long Beach Dub Allstars Yes.

1:16:50 Adam Oh, wait a minute.

1:16:50 Drew It's all right. I'll take it.

1:16:51 Adam All right, we'll take this call and then we'll hear a Long Beach Dub Allstar song. Wendy?

1:16:55 Yes.

1:16:55 Adam You're 30. What's up?

1:16:57 Caller Well, my husband about six months ago went to the doctor for a skin doctor and he has warts on his penis.

1:17:05 Drew Yeah.

1:17:06 Caller They gave him Aldara for it and he used it and they went away. And I went to the clinic to get checked and they told me I didn't have any.

1:17:15 Drew Interesting.

1:17:16 Caller But now he's got them back again.

1:17:17 Drew Yeah.

1:17:18 Caller How? I don't understand how that's possible. And that dermatologist told him that he got them from a wart that was on the side of his hand.

1:17:28 Drew That can happen although it's rare or unusual.

1:17:31 Caller So it can happen.

1:17:33 Drew Yeah, theoretically.

1:17:34 Adam On the side of his hand? Yeah.

1:17:37 Drew Kind of a weird technique is that.

1:17:40 Adam Oh, inside the finger?

1:17:41 Caller Underneath the leg.

1:17:43 Caller Well, it was on the side. They burned it off.

1:17:47 Drew Off his penis?

1:17:48 Caller No.

1:17:49 Caller Off his hand. And that one never came back.

1:17:52 Drew I actually find the more confusing part of your story is the fact that you had no evidence of warts.

1:17:58 Caller That what?

1:17:58 Drew That you had no evidence of warts. I find that rather confusing.

1:18:01 Caller Well, me too.

1:18:03 Drew You should have it.

1:18:04 Adam Well, we've been married for six years.

1:18:08 Caller And we don't use anything, condoms or anything like that. And I don't understand, how can he have them and me not have them, but his came back?

1:18:18 Adam Doesn't it sometimes not show up in women?

1:18:21 Drew Well, it sometimes doesn't show up in women. And the warts often come back after they've been treated. So his coming back doesn't mean you gave him something. Warts just tend to come back.

1:18:31 Caller Yeah, but if they came back, I mean, he had them, he got rid of them, they came back. And I went and got tested.

1:18:38 Drew Why aren't you detectable? And I don't know the answer for that.

1:18:40 Caller You know, and...

1:18:41 Drew But I would still presume, I would still presume you have it.

1:18:44 Adam Maybe you have some kind of a super vagina. Some sort of a space age...

1:18:50 Drew Resisto...

1:18:50 Adam .super resisto vagina.

1:18:52 Caller I don't know.

1:18:53 Adam In high school, a lot of those girls had the resisto vagina.

1:18:56 Drew That was the risto, the ademo.

1:18:59 Caller Is there a test specific for that?

1:19:02 Drew What?

1:19:03 Caller For warts? I mean, is it like they just feel around or look or...?

1:19:06 Drew It's a test on the pap smear.

1:19:08 Caller Okay, they did a pap smear and they said everything came back negative.

1:19:11 Drew Yeah. Again, I would assume, if I were you, I'd assume I had the virus and would keep having very, very regular...

1:19:16 Adam How do they test them for the guys? They do that thing with the vinegar and the blacklight?

1:19:20 Drew They can do that.

1:19:21 Adam Is that really? Is that what they do?

1:19:22 Drew Yeah, it's one of the ways, yeah.

1:19:24 Adam You know how they do this? You guys know? Oh, don't play stupid. Come on, what are you doing? Now, they dump vinegar on your penis.

1:19:31 Drew It's worse than they could see.

1:19:33 Adam They just put their dick through the mail slot at the doctor's office. Oh, we're allowed to say it out. Come on, please. It's a late night radio. They dump vinegar on the Pepe there and then they shine a blacklight and it turns like white, right?

1:19:49 Drew Yeah.

1:19:50 Adam But yeah, it's nice. We're kind of cool, right?

1:19:53 Caller They do that at raves and stuff?

1:19:57 Drew Yeah, they have a warded screening room.

1:19:59 Adam Yeah. Yeah, it's like a blacklight. Yeah, that guy is a lava lamp. It's awesome. All right, we're going to hear something else from the Long Beach Dub Allstars. You queued up there, Anderson? This one is called My Own Life.

1:23:12 Caller Keep going, Al.

1:23:15 Adam All right, that was our buddy Fletcher, yeah. The Long Beach, he sounds sort of subdued there, by the way, compared to the last time we talked to him. You're going to Boo Boo City! You're all going to Boo Boo City! Fletcher, the cops are out there, bring them in! They're all going to Boo Boo City with you! I said, Fletcher, listen, you're all staying in here, he said, no one's getting out. I said, that's fine, until 12, then I got to leave. I said, Fletcher, Drew, tell me if I'm lying. I said, come back every night and stay in front of the door until 12, I don't care, but at 12, I'm leaving.

1:23:56 Drew Yeah. You didn't say I got to leave, you just said, I'm leaving.

1:23:59 Adam And that was...

1:24:00 Drew At 12 o'clock and we're out?

1:24:01 Adam Yeah, we left. Yeah, but he blocked the door. The bad news is when one of his guys came, put his head through the door and he rung it like it was a bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, you know, between the door and the door jam, you know, like a card in a spoke and it's boom, and he said send him right back out again. I'm thinking to myself, well, that's a guy he likes. You don't even like me. All right. Long Beach Dub Allstars are here. They're just crazy enough to be with the Vandals tomorrow and Gorge Pennywise, TSO, TSO. Oh, man.

1:24:40 Caller Punk Rock Carnival.

1:24:41 Adam That is going to be a disaster.

1:24:44 Caller Carnival is a disaster?

1:24:45 Adam That's at the Sports Arena tomorrow night, by the way. John?

1:24:48 Caller Yeah.

1:24:49 Adam You're 14?

1:24:50 Caller Yeah.

1:24:50 Adam Oh, wait a minute. Hey, John, we got to go to break here. You caught dad looking at porn online.

1:24:55 Caller Yeah, but he doesn't know it.

1:24:56 Adam What kind of porn?

1:24:58 Caller Well, it's like he's in like these lesbian chat rooms and stuff.

1:25:02 Adam Yeah, how old, you know, you think your dad's old, but he's probably not, you know, he's probably 37 or something.

1:25:08 Caller Yeah, probably. All right.

1:25:09 Adam Do you know how old he is?

1:25:10 Caller Yeah, he's like 50 something or something.

1:25:12 Adam Oh, really?

1:25:12 Caller Like late 40s or something.

1:25:13 Adam Still going, huh? Wow. Still hanging out. Well, he was a guy who didn't have a computer for a while.

1:25:18 Caller Yeah, that's what I figured. But I mean, you know, he's like a good guy and he enforces like morals and everything on me. He was being kind of hypocritical and everything.

1:25:26 Adam Yeah, all right. Hey, but listen, hey, John, I know you want to confront him. Leave him alone. Don't bust your dad's balls. All right. Listen, kids, you're the kid. That's the dad. Hey, you know, he puts a roof over head. He puts the food in the fridge. He buys your clothes.

1:25:42 Caller And if he wants to look at lesbian chat lines and do that?

1:25:45 Adam So be it. That is his privilege. It really is. It's not your job to be on the exact same par with the guy. And, you know, it's not like, well, you're buying half the groceries and you're paying half the rent. No, he does that. He looks a little lesbian porn every once in a while. That's fine. All right. Now we're going to take a little break. And when we come back, we'll speak to Judah, who's 15, who masturbates to South Park in other cartoons.

1:26:10 Caller All right.

1:26:11 Adam All right.

1:26:12 Caller Cool.

1:26:15 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:26:17 Adam Back in a minute. Well, it's worth hearing. All right, it is Loveline. Hopey, Tim, and Bud are all here. From The Long Beach Dub Allstars, go check out that skunk.com and find out all the places they're going to be. And I'm looking at a long sheet here. It's going to be a lot of places. So most importantly, the sports arena tomorrow night. But if you're not in LA and you're listening from somewhere else around the country, just do that skunk.com, find out their itinerary and when they're coming to a town near you. And when we left off, we were going to speak to Judah. Judah, you're 15?

1:27:27 Caller Yeah.

1:27:28 Adam You really do you masturbate to a South Park?

1:27:31 Caller Yeah.

1:27:33 Drew Wow.

1:27:34 Long Beach Dub Allstars Oh, boy.

1:27:35 Caller Do you? Yeah.

1:27:37 Drew All right.

1:27:38 Caller I got my friend on the line.

1:27:39 Adam All right. Listen, I...

1:27:41 Caller You ain't the grand daddy of all liars.

1:27:43 Long Beach Dub Allstars I...

1:27:44 Adam You don't masturbate to a South Park.

1:27:46 Caller Yeah, I do.

1:27:47 Adam I can see, like...

1:27:49 Caller He's done it.

1:27:50 Adam You've done it?

1:27:51 Drew Or you do it regularly? I've done it. He's done it.

1:27:54 Adam Listen, there's stuff... Hold on a second, because I'm going to make a distinction between things you masturbate to and stuff that's going on while you're whacking off. I mean, like... You know, when I was in high school, my cat would be in the room while I was jacking, but I wasn't jacking to the cat. It was just like, hey, Norman, get out of here. I'm like, all right, you can stay. Let me finish. But it's not like I'm whacking off to the cat.

1:28:18 Caller Speaking of animals in the room, my friend and I have been having this discussion. And see, after him and his girlfriend have sex, he likes... His dog actually likes to come and lick his balls. And his girlfriend is... She freaks out over it, and he says there's nothing wrong with it. So what do you guys think?

1:28:41 Adam I think it's a normal, healthy... I wanna know who it is. The dog likes to lick his balls. And he does this in front of the girl?

1:28:50 Caller Yeah. And she, you know... I mean, he does it like, you know... She kind of wonders, you know, what's going on when I'm not around, kind of thing, but, you know, he lets it fly when she's there.

1:28:59 Drew This guy's a class act.

1:29:02 Caller She wants to know where all that peanut butter's going.

1:29:05 Long Beach Dub Allstars In the pate. In the pate.

1:29:08 Adam All right. No, I think that's a perfectly healthy outlet. And, you know, it's man's best friend. Would your best friend lick your balls, Drew?

1:29:16 Drew No.

1:29:17 Adam All right, then that's really a friend, right? It's even better than a best friend. Exactly. Yeah. Good point. Chris? Yeah. You're 19.

1:29:26 Caller 19. How's it going, Dub Allstars?

1:29:28 Caller Good, good.

1:29:29 Caller Great. Hey, I heard you talking earlier about updating Skunk. It was updated yesterday, and all the tour dates are on there now.

1:29:36 Caller Far out. Thanks a lot.

1:29:38 Caller Yeah, I'm going to be at the Cincinnati Show and the Louisville Show.

1:29:42 Caller Cool, man. I'll see you there.

1:29:43 Caller All right. Hey, I had a quick question for you guys.

1:29:45 Adam You're going to both shows.

1:29:47 Caller Oh, yeah. That's pretty good.

1:29:48 Adam How far is Cincinnati from Louisville?

1:29:50 Caller Cincinnati from Louisville? Not a little far.

1:29:51 Caller Four hours?

1:29:53 Adam Yeah.

1:29:54 Caller Cincinnati from my town is about four or five hours, Louisville is about two or three.

1:29:59 Adam All right. Well, that's dedication. Good.

1:30:02 Caller My question was, I had heard that before the tour that you were thinking about working on a new LP already, I just want to know when the new album will be out and what it will be called.

1:30:14 Caller We're looking at spring 2001 and probably spring 2001 before we name it too.

1:30:21 Adam Oh, really? So, as you just be touring for a long time, right?

1:30:26 Caller Yeah, we'll finish up this tour for this album and then next year we'll get on it.

1:30:31 Adam Chris, I'll see you in Cincinnati and Louisville. Michael? Michael. Michael. Michael. Caller goes by the name Michael.

1:30:41 Caller Formerly known as Michael.

1:30:43 Caller Hello.

1:30:44 Adam That's you, Stoner. What's up? You're 18.

1:30:46 Caller Yes, I'm 18. Well, I'm 19 actually. I will be in two days.

1:30:51 Adam You're still 18, though. I'll be 18. Yeah. Go ahead.

1:30:57 Caller Okay. I'm from Missouri originally. Missouri.

1:31:03 Adam Right.

1:31:04 Caller Actually, that's my name. Anyhow, I moved up to Chicago after I got my heart broke by this girl down here in Missouri. I moved back up and forth a few times and then I met this other girl after I got out of prison one time. And I just.

1:31:20 Caller What did you do?

1:31:21 Caller I stole a car in Missouri and I drove to South Carolina. Really? First off, what did you do in South Carolina? I just went down there to see one of my friend's moms.

1:31:32 Drew I think the going across state lines got to be worse.

1:31:34 Adam Wanted to see one of your friend's moms?

1:31:36 Caller Yeah.

1:31:37 Adam Oh, boy. Yeah.

1:31:38 Caller I'd like to hear about that.

1:31:39 Adam So what did you do with your friend's mom?

1:31:43 Caller Oh, we just went down there to see how she was doing because he hadn't seen her in a long time.

1:31:47 Adam You guys, you couldn't scrape together bus fare. You had to steal a car? You meant well.

1:31:52 Caller That was more fun.

1:31:53 Adam Oh, I see. How was prison? Is that a good time?

1:31:57 Caller No. All right.

1:31:58 Adam Well, there you go.

1:31:59 Caller Do you get any tattoos? Do what? Do you get any tattoos when you're in prison?

1:32:04 Adam You get any tattoos in prison?

1:32:05 Caller No. I was in like a treatment program for drugs.

1:32:08 Adam Oh, okay. And for cussing on the radio?

1:32:11 Caller Yes. Sorry.

1:32:12 Adam So what do you want?

1:32:16 Caller Well, okay, I've got this old flame down here, the first girl I saw on the radio.

1:32:20 Adam I don't care already. Michael, listen, seriously, no one cares. We really don't care.

1:32:24 Caller This conversation conserves no purpose anymore.

1:32:28 Adam Listen. Goodbye. Don't forget about your ex. Start new. That's what I'm saying. Don't cross any county lines, all right?

1:32:38 Drew Work on your program and you will start to attract healthier people.

1:32:41 Adam Forward motion.

1:32:42 Drew Be happier.

1:32:43 Adam Right. Don't obsess about someone in the next county.

1:32:46 Drew Don't go backwards. I'm an addict.

1:32:47 Adam Brian?

1:32:49 Long Beach Dub Allstars Yeah.

1:32:49 Adam You're 17.

1:32:50 Long Beach Dub Allstars Yeah.

1:32:51 Adam You're about to de-virginize your girlfriend. Yeah.

1:32:55 Caller Yeah.

1:32:55 Caller All right.

1:32:55 Adam Anyone know if you're going to hurt her?

1:32:57 Caller Yeah.

1:32:58 Caller Yeah.

1:32:59 Drew How old is she?

1:33:00 Caller How old is she?

1:33:00 Caller Ouch.

1:33:01 Caller Yeah.

1:33:03 Adam No.

1:33:06 Caller But she hasn't had sex, though.

1:33:08 Caller And she's pretty tight.

1:33:10 Adam Right. And how are you doing down there?

1:33:13 Caller Oh, I'm fine.

1:33:14 Adam All right.

1:33:15 Caller I mean, I've been working on her, you know. Yeah.

1:33:18 Adam Good. It's important to work on the vagina like it's a baseball mitt. You know, oil it up. Have your dad park the car on it. Really work it in. Really work it in. Yeah. Hey, Brian, listen. We're running short on time, but let me just say this. If she wants to do it and she's relaxed and she's lubricated and she wants to be there, it'll work out. But if she's tense and uptight and dry, don't force the issue. It'll only get worse.

1:33:45 Drew Right.

1:33:46 Adam All right? All right. You talk to Uncle Bud and get some roofies. Right.

1:33:50 Drew All right, Brian.

1:33:51 Adam Get her into that double head shower and moisten her right up.

1:33:54 Drew Adam, you get out of here. You're done.

1:33:55 Adam All right. I want to say something about the interim producer and phone screener, Lisa, because tonight is her last night. She's been with us since producer Ann stayed home to have the doublets.

1:34:08 Drew Well, also, she came on when Sherry left, right?

1:34:11 Adam OK. The point is, is she's a breath of fresh air around here, a total professional, great with the guests and the coffee.

1:34:20 Drew And even you.

1:34:21 Adam And me, and will be missed sorely. I was really, Lisa, the short time that we had together was my absolute pleasure. And I really will miss you.

1:34:32 Drew Agreed.

1:34:33 Adam Thanks, dude. And we know you're moving on to bigger and better things. And that's the only it's it's the only ray of sunshine in this whole story for me and Drew. Because other than that, if it's up to me, we'd keep you here at six bucks an hour for the rest of your goddamn life. I'll miss you, too. But we're glad you're moving on to bigger and better things. And again, you'll be sorely missed.

1:34:55 Drew We'll see her.

1:34:56 Adam We will.

1:34:57 Drew Managing band.

1:34:59 Adam All right. So you'll be in here. Most definitely. I give it a few months off before you come back.

1:35:02 Long Beach Dub Allstars All right. All right.

1:35:04 Adam We'll take a little break. We'll be back.

1:35:07 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, back in a minute.

1:35:10 Adam Well, it's worth hearing.

1:35:39 Drew Long Beach Dub Allstars, thanks guys for coming in. Opie, Tim, and Bud, appreciate it very much. The name of the album is right back. It was released in September, and for the tour dates, check out skunk.com, right?

1:35:50 Caller That's right.

1:35:51 Drew All right, you guys, you're welcome any time. You have fun?

1:35:53 Caller Yeah, had a blast, thanks a lot.

1:35:55 Drew I apologize for my partner. He sort of escaped before anybody had a chance to criticize him properly.

1:36:00 Caller Yeah, he's wacky like that.

1:36:02 Drew Next week, we have Snoop Dogg coming in. I'll be gone most of next week, and in addition to skunk.com, please check out drdrew.com. We have an interesting half-hour interview with Tommy Lee, and there is actually a giveaway there with American Pie videos and DVDs. So with that being said, skunk.com, drdrew.com. This is Dr. Drew for Adam Carolla saying mahalo.

1:36:22 Adam Just let me enjoy my weenie, please.

1:36:24 Caller Ha ha, well now.

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Thursday, January 20, 2000