Episode 1000754888014

0:13 Voiceover What did that guy say? I don't know, that music was ripping, though.

0:29 Chris.

0:30 Hello?

0:31 Hello.

0:32 Hey, how's it going?

0:33 Adam All right.

0:34 I love you.

0:35 Adam I'm into you.

0:36 All right. I was just wondering what a prostate was, because I've heard a lot about it, and, yeah.

0:46 Adam Hey, Chris, how old are you?

0:47 I'm 15.

0:50 Drew I think he could get strong for 15.

0:51 Adam Kick both our asses.

0:53 Yeah, that's right. Are you okay, Chris? No. I mean, yes.

0:58 Adam He's just a little nervous, Chris?

1:00 Oh, yeah.

1:01 Adam Okay.

1:02 Drew What have you heard about a prostate? I like this question.

1:04 I heard that it can get cancer.

1:07 Adam Yeah.

1:08 Yeah.

1:09 Adam Where do you think it's located?

1:12 Somewhere near the penis.

1:14 Adam Yeah. Well, everything's kind of in the general vicinity of the penis. I count my scalp as being close to the penis. Like if people say, where's my scalp is next to the penis.

1:24 Drew Of course.

1:26 Adam Yeah.

1:26 Drew Okay. Basically, what this is, is a large gland that wraps around the urethra as it leaves the bladder. Almost like if the bladder were a balloon, it's kind of a balloon pushing into a balloon. Does that make sense to Adam? I'm making sense here?

1:41 Adam It's a balloon around a balloon.

1:44 Drew Here's the bladder like this and then there's this thing around it.

1:47 Caller Oh, I see.

1:47 Drew It goes like that.

1:48 Adam You don't see anything. It's like this. You know the guy who makes the animals out of the balloons?

1:56 Caller The clowns.

1:57 Adam Okay, so what if he took one of the straight, long balloons and then he took another straight, long balloon and he looped it around and made it a circle and then he poked the one straight one through the circle?

2:08 Drew Kind of that.

2:08 Adam Wasn't that just what you said?

2:10 Drew It's more sort of fig shaped. Things go through it.

2:14 Adam But it goes through it, right?

2:15 Drew Yeah, the bladder sits out here like that. All right. And it's an immune gland. It's a secretory gland. It produces semen. It lubricates the genital tract. It protects the genital tract from things, bacteria coming up in that direction. It's an important gland and it can become inflamed and infected. It can become cancerous. And basically if any male lives to 100, his probability of having prostate cancer is 100%.

2:41 Adam Yeah, Drew, how do you check? Can you check your own prostate?

2:44 Drew No.

2:46 Adam I told you my grandmother wanted my stripper girlfriend to check my prostate once.

2:49 Drew You did mention that one.

2:50 Adam She was deadly serious. It's goddamn woman's magazines.

2:55 Drew No.

2:55 Adam It must have been.

2:57 Drew No, it's your grandma brainstorming.

2:58 Adam It wasn't from Red Book or Reader's Digest. Believe me, it was from one of them chick magazines like Vogue or Cosmopolitan. The point is, can't somebody put their finger in your butt and feel your prostate?

3:11 Drew Yes, somebody who knows what they're doing, sure. I do that to people all the time.

3:14 Adam Couldn't you? Let me give you a hypothetical. Let's say me, you and Dooley, engineer Mike, we're going salmon fishing in Alaska on one of those pontoon planes. We hit a big school of geese and the plane goes down. You break both arms, actually both fingers.

3:37 Drew Can I talk you through a prostate exam?

3:39 Adam That's my point. We're trapped down in the wilderness. Dooley's experiencing some rectal pain and I got to use some like sap or bear spit or something. It's a lubricant.

3:50 Drew Sort of the way a pilot would talk somebody down.

3:53 Adam From the control tower.

3:55 Drew There's a movie.

3:56 Adam Pull up on the stick. Pull up. The point is...

4:00 Drew There's a remake of Airport in here somewhere.

4:03 Adam I think you're thinking of Mad Man.

4:04 Drew Airplane.

4:05 Adam Mad World.

4:06 Drew Airplane.

4:07 Adam Quiet. Would you quiet? Now could you tell me what to do to Dooley?

4:13 Drew No.

4:13 Adam Why not?

4:14 Drew It's like anything else in medicine. You have to feel it for yourself many, many times before you know the difference. People can explain.

4:20 Adam You have to feel Dooley's ass many, many times?

4:23 Drew You have to feel many, many prostates before you know the difference between a normal one and an abnormal one. Alright. And that's axiomatic in medicine.

4:29 Adam How many prostates you figure you've poked?

4:31 Drew People can explain this. That's why you can't read a textbook and become a doctor. You can't do it. You have to see this stuff.

4:37 Adam I think you could talk. Listen, I'm a carpenter. I could stand next to you and tell you how to build something.

4:42 Drew I could tell you how to do the exam, but you wouldn't be able to tell me whether you saw anything, whether you experienced anything normal or abnormal.

4:49 Adam Alright. It would be better than not having you there though. Otherwise, it would just be me camping with Dooley.

4:57 Drew I'm assuming it's the only prostate you will have ever felt.

5:00 Adam Alright.

5:01 Drew Is that true?

5:02 Adam Listen, just, I had a joke there. Just forget about it. Phone number for LoveLine. 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Just don't steamroll when I'm steamrolling.

5:12 Drew What happened to you today?

5:13 Adam Nothing. Don't worry about it. Nothing happened. Just forget it.

5:18 Drew And what's the matter with him?

5:19 Adam Nothing.

5:19 Drew Am I wrong?

5:20 Adam You're wrong.

5:21 Drew I'm not wrong.

5:22 Adam You're wrong. You ready?

5:23 Drew Yeah.

5:23 Adam Here we go. Stacey.

5:26 Hi.

5:27 Adam You're 20.

5:28 Caller Yeah.

5:29 Drew Stacey, see if you can figure out what's the matter with him.

5:30 Adam Nothing's the matter with me. Just you have no timing. That's all.

5:34 That was traffic?

5:36 Adam Huh?

5:37 Traffic?

5:38 Adam Oh, you mean with me?

5:39 Yeah.

5:39 Adam No. Listen, I'm in a good mood. Now shut up and ask your question.

5:44 What's my dad doing in Israel?

5:49 Drew Stacey, what's up?

5:50 Actually, I had more of an inquiry on your guys' opinion about something. And I'm 20 years old and I'm still a virgin. And to me, that's, that's always been just kind of like a private thing. Like I don't go around like letting people know or whatever. But I was interested in this guy and we ended up hooking up one night and it kind of came out. And then like all of a sudden he started acting like, I don't know, it was just weird. He was like, he was like going to go downstairs and he like made that up all nice for me and like went downstairs.

6:28 Adam When you say go downstairs, is that some sort of euphemism for oral sex or did he go into the kitchen?

6:34 Like no, to the couch.

6:35 Oh, I see.

6:36 Adam Oh, okay. So he, you mean he, you'd planned on spending the night in the same bed with him.

6:42 Right.

6:43 Adam And he got spooked.

6:45 Well, it wasn't even like spooked, he wasn't, it wasn't like he was scared or anything, he was just kind of like.

6:50 Adam He was beaten, he was defeated.

6:53 It was almost like he had assumed something because of that fact.

6:56 Adam Yeah. Well, all right.

6:58 Drew Reasonable assumption.

6:59 Adam And let me tell you something too, we don't really talk about this too much, but guys' sexual frustration sometimes manifests itself in many different ways. We hear about the rape end of it, but there's other aspects of it that young men get involved with. There's the sort of reverse psychology thing where they pretend like they're non-interested and they banish themselves to the sofa before you ask them to go thinking you're going to get confused and ask them back. Do you know what I'm talking about, Drew?

7:34 Drew Passive-aggressive thinking.

7:35 Adam We never really get into this, but you know how guys go through that little...

7:39 Drew That's a rarer manifestation, I suspect.

7:41 Adam Yeah, but you know, you've tried that maneuver before. Hell yes, you've tried that. Every guy does. There's that weird thing, maybe between the age of like, I don't know, 17, 18, and like 25. You do little weird things where you go out on a date, and you don't even hug them at the end of the date. You want to keep them off balance. It's sort of a... I was watching the... This isn't going to be a good analogy, but I was watching the X Games, and they had the downhill speed skating, and it was like the slalom, you know, downhill inline rollerblade thing, and they'd flap the gate open, and five guys would either go tearing down for the finish line, pushing hard, or they would all meander at the top going back and forth, waiting for one guy to make a move, so that they could sort of draft the other guy. And it all depended on who made the move and everything, but it's a certain kind of strategy.

8:43 Drew Right, right, right, right.

8:44 Adam And this may have been that doing the slalom at the top, waiting for someone to make a move. Guys usually tear for the finish line, but once in a while they try this ploy.

8:53 I was also wondering, because he's a little bit older, I was wondering if that might have anything to do with it either.

8:58 Adam How old is he?

9:01 Drew Only that he was more gentlemanly in his manipulations. That's about all.

9:07 Well, do you think it's made like an impression on him?

9:10 Drew No, I think, look, are you still seeing him?

9:12 Well, I haven't, like I saw him again, but it wasn't anything.

9:17 Drew It was different.

9:18 Yeah, it wasn't, he was just kind of like, he even like left, he didn't even leave at the same time.

9:24 Drew So he's done, he has something different in mind for his relationship.

9:27 Adam Sounds like it, but you know, you people that think, or you ladies that think that being a virgin's a deal-breaker for a guy, at least in my opinion, are way off.

9:39 Drew Yeah, but for this guy, it sounds like it might have been.

9:42 Adam Yeah, it might have been. If I found a 20-year-old girl who was a virgin, who was seeing me, I would look at it, at first I would be excited, and the second I would do is, second thing I would do would start planning a strategy.

9:53 Drew Yeah.

9:54 Adam You know what I mean? Like taking Monte Casino or whatever that mountain was in Italy that the Americans had to take in World War II. You start with a good air attack, nice saturation bombing, and then you storm the hill.

10:15 Drew Ladies, listen carefully now. Of course, what the woman is looking for is somebody's strategy being building the relationship towards a marriage.

10:23 Adam Well, that's what they think.

10:24 Drew The guy, of course, that never crosses his mind, typically, right?

10:29 Adam Right, except for he has to come across that way. You know what I'm saying?

10:34 Drew God, the gangs we play.

10:35 Adam Quite true. I came up with an invention today.

10:37 Drew Oh.

10:38 Adam I had a few inventions today. I'm just going to give you one of them, but later on, I'll divulge the rest of them.

10:46 Drew Okay, what's one?

10:47 Adam And I think this is good. Naturally, Mike and Lisa and Sherry are all carrying on in the next room, but I'll tell it to you, Drew.

10:54 Drew Yeah.

10:55 Adam I don't think Mike would enjoy this. Shaving cream.

10:59 Yeah.

11:00 Adam That's scented.

11:02 Caller Edible.

11:03 No.

11:06 Adam Let's just move on.

11:07 Drew Scented what?

11:09 Adam It's scented like a woman's panties. You know what I mean? You wipe it all over your face, you know, it's on your upper lip. Why do it like menthol or lemon lime if you think about it? You know what I mean? Why not make it smell like panties? That's a good idea.

11:30 Drew What's up?

11:31 Adam Hi, how are you?

11:32 Drew Good. Good. A little disgusted at the moment.

11:35 Adam You know that's a good idea though. Go ahead, Katelin.

11:38 Okay. I'm 16 and I was wondering, I'm pregnant with my second kid.

11:43 Drew Your second child.

11:44 Caller Yeah.

11:46 Drew How do you support the first one?

11:49 My parents are supportive, but it's kind of hard since my boyfriend is incarcerated and he's 20.

11:58 Drew Is he the father of the second child, too?

12:00 Yeah.

12:02 Adam What do you do?

12:02 Drew God bless the conjugal visit.

12:05 Adam Yeah.

12:05 Drew For your underage girlfriend.

12:07 Adam Did he put his penis through the bars or how do you do that? How does that work?

12:16 Well, it's just-

12:19 Adam You get conjugal visits?

12:22 Caller A couple, not really.

12:24 It's just kind of, I don't know what the deal is right now. It's kind of like, I don't know what we're doing.

12:32 Adam Let me get to the bottom of it. How long ago was he incarcerated?

12:38 About a year, I think.

12:40 Adam And when did he impregnate you?

12:44 About three months ago.

12:46 Adam And how was he able to do that considering he was incarcerated?

12:53 Caller Kind of just one night, just happened.

12:57 I don't know.

12:58 Caller It was stupid.

13:00 Adam Let me get to what I'm asking because I think you're missing it. You know there's, let's say, Charles Manson?

13:07 Caller Yeah.

13:07 Adam He's in jail, right?

13:09 Yeah.

13:10 Adam Okay now, if Ann said that Charles Manson got her pregnant, I would say, well, how did you have sex with Charles Manson? He's in jail.

13:19 Well, that's the thing.

13:20 There's a possibility it might be someone else's, but that only happened once.

13:26 Adam Okay but I'm still going back to the Charles Manson analogy.

13:30 Drew How does somebody in jail have sex with an underage person? How does that happen? Did he break out of jail for a while? How did he get?

13:44 Adam Our listeners have a form of retardation that has not been seen by medical science. I really mean it. I really mean that, Drew. I think we've invented our own strain, our own mutant strain of retardation on this show. I really do.

14:00 Drew You're sure we haven't just plugged into a parallel universe or people don't really understand the language or they're from a different time of history or something?

14:10 Adam I wish I had a panel of experts here who could explain to me how I can ask this question. I don't know how. I'm going to try one more time.

14:21 Yes?

14:23 Adam Where did you have sex with him? That's a better angle. If it...

14:29 Do I have to answer?

14:31 Adam In a... in like a waiting room or something? In a visiting room?

14:41 well...

14:42 Adam Guard tower?

14:43 Drew As usual, there's a reason we don't get the answers we're looking for. People don't want to tell you.

14:47 Adam No, I think this is just stupidity. Caitlin?

14:50 Drew Yes? Why wouldn't she want to tell us?

14:51 Adam Did you have sex with him on the premises of the prison?

14:56 Drew Yeah.

14:57 Adam Oh, you did?

14:58 Drew How does that happen?

14:59 Adam How do you get to do that? I thought people... Don't people watch you when you're in prison?

15:05 Well, it doesn't take that long.

15:09 Adam Okay, so you went to visit him and you had sex with him?

15:14 Drew In the jail cell?

15:17 Just kind of like...

15:25 Drew I'm just wondering how long the silence will last.

15:27 Adam I'm ready to wait it out. Now I'm gonna wait.

15:41 Can I go to sleep?

15:44 Adam I'm done.

15:45 Drew Yeah.

15:45 Adam I'm taking a break.

15:49 All right.

15:49 Adam Okay, good. Well, I think we waited her out, though, Drew. It may be a radio first. We just sit there and wait till people hang up.

16:00 Drew I hang up. I was supposed to be just waiting for an answer.

16:04 Adam Was that a bogus call?

16:05 Drew No, no.

16:06 Adam No.

16:06 Drew That was somebody, all kinds of issues. I mean, so much, I mean, we unfortunately, I think we took advantage of that person, because here's the deal. Her trust issues are so profound that she can't even call people that she knows through the radio, can't even call us and answer the simple questions we ask, even though answering them would devolve nothing to anybody and would just give information.

16:29 Adam I don't think she thought that out, though. I think she was worried about somebody hearing and finding out.

16:34 Drew I just think the trust, she is so distrusting, she has no capacity to trust other human beings that can't even get the simplest information out of her.

16:42 Adam Okay, Drew, yes or no, are you for people like Caitlin being rendered sterile, at least if not permanently, temporarily by the government? Do you want to live in that utopia?

16:58 Drew I'd like it if the community around which that person lives took care of that.

17:02 Adam What community? Like her alcoholic, abusive dad, that community? Her community is... It could be Culver City. You better hope it's not Culver... It couldn't be Culver City. I'll tell you why she doesn't live in Culver City. She'd never make it to the prison. Because you sit and wait at one long arrow in Culver City. You spend your entire life waiting for an arrow to change. That's the opportunity for getting moving violations. Oh yes, they're geniuses over here in this dump.

17:33 Drew You know, you can't turn right with that arrow in a certain part of the jam here.

17:36 Adam I swear to God. One day I'm going to get carjacked and I'm going to sue this city and win. Gordon.

17:43 Yeah, I'm here.

17:44 Adam You're 24.

17:45 Caller Yeah. And I have a big problem.

17:49 Adam All right.

17:51 Caller Well, I have a problem with my penis size when I was going through high school. And I just don't know what to do. You know, I've never been with a female sexually. And I can't keep an erection longer than 10 minutes without getting a headache and getting dizzy. And I want to know if that's...

18:07 Adam I just jumped in there because he's got a large penis question.

18:11 Drew Which already makes it suspicious.

18:13 Adam But he can't keep an erection without getting a headache and getting dizzy as if all the blood in his body is going into his penis.

18:20 Drew The case he's making.

18:22 Adam Dr. Drew, you ever heard of that?

18:23 No.

18:24 Adam How big a reservoir would your penis have to be? You have to put about three, four quarts of blood in there before you start getting lightheaded.

18:34 Drew People can get migraines with erection. It has nothing to do with size.

18:37 Caller I'm going to take medication for it.

18:38 Drew What's that?

18:39 Caller For headaches because he gave me medication. Take for headaches.

18:41 Drew Right. That's what I'm saying. You may have migraine headaches.

18:44 Adam How big is your penis?

18:45 Caller Close to 13 inches.

18:47 Adam Close to?

18:47 Caller Close to, yeah.

18:49 Adam Well, what's it at? 12 and a half?

18:51 Caller Around there.

18:52 Adam Listen, my penis is 4 and a half inches. I say it's close to 13. Well, in a relative way, I think it is. Isn't it, Drew?

19:00 Drew Relative.

19:02 Adam All right, so what?

19:05 Caller Well, I can't be with a female sexually. Every female I've been close to being with always turned me down. And they said, I don't know if it's the size of my penis or if it's me or what, but also I just want to know, because all the men on my mom's side of the family have the same problem. And I don't know if it runs in the family or what, but I have an uncle that has the same problem that I do. And he can't keep an arrest longer than close to 15 minutes without getting headaches either. And I wonder if that's damaging, if that could damage me later on in the future or what.

19:33 Adam Let's see. So how do you know the rest of the male side of the family has got the big penis?

19:38 Caller Well, I've talked to Uncle Brian about the problem before, and he said that he was going through it as well. And he said that what he did, he just grew out of that stage. He said that later on, because he took the medication as well for headaches.

19:50 Drew What medication are you taking?

19:52 Caller Excuse me?

19:52 Drew What medication are you taking?

19:53 Caller Well, they gave me, they said that they were going to give me ibuprofen to stop my headaches, and that didn't work. So I'm supposed to be going to the doctor later on next week and taking more medication. But it's painful. It just hurts really bad. And it's not just damaging me physically, but emotionally as well. I can't keep a girl for longer than six months. And she won't have, every girl I've been with just won't have sex with me at all, period.

20:17 Adam When she sees the penis?

20:19 Caller Basically.

20:22 Adam Hold on, let me talk to Drew. He got a little pattern there where he tried to skip past stuff. He got the ibuprofen part out, but didn't buy that over the counter.

20:31 Drew It kind of sounds sincere though.

20:33 Adam And then he kept going, it hurts real bad. I mean, well, a doctor, he can go to Savon and go get ibuprofen, right?

20:40 Drew Yeah, that's weird that they would give him just that, but it's possible. It's possible.

20:47 Adam All right, so what are you going to do? Get a penis reduction? There's nothing you can do.

20:50 Caller No.

20:51 Adam You got to find yourself a big, big gal. That's all.

20:55 Drew I mean, it's a case in point for the fact that we hear more complaints about the too large as opposed to the too small.

21:03 Adam Do you get oral sex?

21:05 Caller No, never had that either.

21:06 Adam Really?

21:07 Caller Yeah, really.

21:08 Adam Why not?

21:09 Caller It's just women just always turn me down, you know?

21:11 Adam Well, that's your girlfriend though, right?

21:13 Caller Well, I'm single now, you know? I can't keep a girlfriend, I'm telling you, you know? It's just a big problem.

21:18 Adam Yeah, I know, but the people that turned you down were your girlfriends. They were, yeah. All right. Geez, I hate everybody.

21:28 Drew Were you hung up on them?

21:30 Adam I did? All right. Listen, I'm sorry you have a huge penis. My heart goes out to you. There's really nothing we can do to shrink it. You go to the doctor about your migraines, and as far as the thing works, you got to find yourself a woman who loves you for you, and then you work around it.

21:47 Drew Yeah.

21:47 Adam All right.

21:47 Drew That's it.

21:49 Caller Loveline's phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191. LoveLine, Adam Corolla, and Dr. Drew.

21:55 Caller We'll be right back.

22:24 Adam Yeah.

22:25 Drew He just sounded so sincere, though. He hates it.

22:27 Adam Yeah. I know. But what's the worst-case scenario? He's telling the truth. He's got a mammoth penis. How badly do you feel, Drew? 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Pax number 3108-54-4455. Hey, Drew. Oh, no. Okay. Jeannine Garofalo is supposed to come in tomorrow.

22:51 Drew What do you think?

22:52 Adam No.

22:52 Drew No.

22:53 Adam I don't think so. I don't know. She said she was. I'll have to talk to her. Listen, I don't care. All you celebrities stay home.

23:02 Drew I'd like to see Jeannine.

23:03 Yeah.

23:03 Adam Now you want. Karen, you're 29.

23:06 Caller Yes.

23:06 Adam What's going on?

23:09 Caller I'm sorry. I'm a little bit nervous. I haven't exactly had what I think is the most normal sexual experience as far as just dating and all that. Now that I've become more sexual over the last, I don't know, however many years, I've just, it's like evolved more into phone sex. I mean, there have been sexual experiences, but it's mostly just artificial. Wait, let's try to, try to, if I can say that.

23:46 Drew Why don't you sort of hone down your question to a specific issue? But what question do you have? And then we'll sort of broaden out from there.

23:57 Adam She sounds like she's a mess, this Karen. Karen?

24:00 Caller Thank you.

24:01 Adam Are you a mess?

24:02 Caller No, not exactly. I don't know how to, I guess I'm having trouble putting it down or just describing it.

24:11 Adam Are you in a relationship?

24:13 Caller No.

24:13 Drew Have you had a relationship?

24:15 Caller Yes.

24:15 Drew Have they been successful?

24:17 Caller No, I haven't had a successful relationship.

24:19 Drew Have they been abusive?

24:23 Caller That's part of the problem is that I haven't been able to say no. I have a really hard time saying no.

24:29 Drew Okay, so you were a victim early in your life.

24:34 Caller That's possible.

24:35 Drew Right. That's sort of what victimizers know. They know the people that won't say no. That's what gets them to try their shenanigans and allows them to get away with that crap.

24:45 Caller And part of the problem now is that I'm seeing that actually I want out of that.

24:51 Drew What happened to you? What do you think happened to you when you were young?

24:56 Caller What I remember is just a really early experience with godparents, or with my godfather, actually. Just fondling me.

25:12 Adam How old do you figure you were?

25:15 Caller That's part of the weird, I mean it's so sick to me that I don't really want to admit it.

25:19 Drew How old do you think you were?

25:20 Caller I was between two and three years old.

25:23 Drew Okay, and then did you have sex at a young age, too?

25:28 Caller I'm not, I don't know about that.

25:30 Drew But how old were you when you first had sex?

25:32 Caller My first sexual experience as an adult was twenty.

25:38 Drew How about before being an adult?

25:40 Caller Like in high school and stuff like that.

25:42 Adam Have you ever had sex before you were twenty?

25:45 Caller No.

25:46 Adam Okay, there you go. You don't have to go through all the age groups to just say no. Okay, so you think that your godfather fondled you, but you're not sure.

25:56 Drew Were you abused in any other way physically growing up?

25:59 Adam It seems like it's going to be more here.

26:01 Drew Yeah.

26:01 Caller No, and see my sister, she'll say to me about the abuse thing, potential abuse thing in my past. She said to me, well, I don't trust anything you remember, but this man had a history with other people.

26:18 Adam Okay.

26:18 Caller Of like, you know, fondling.

26:20 Adam That's nice.

26:21 Caller Fondled a lot of people.

26:22 Adam I can see why they made him your godfather.

26:25 And that seems like a good idea.

26:27 Caller My family structure wasn't super perfect.

26:29 Drew All right, tell us about that. What was the deal there? What was the deal there?

26:33 Caller Well, my dad was just, you know, really busy, and my mom was, you know, really depressed, and so I took care of her a lot. You know that? It was just, it was a weird family thing.

26:44 Drew All right, so it's more...

26:45 Adam Listen, your family picked a pedophile to be your godparent.

26:50 Drew That's right.

26:50 Adam You know what your godparent is supposed to do is, if anything happens to your parents, they take care of you. So this guy's got himself a full-time squeeze. Surprised he didn't put a hit, you know, cut the brake lines.

27:01 Drew For the parents.

27:02 Adam Yeah, they go over a cliff, and now he's got himself a little sex toy.

27:05 Drew It's chaos, anyway. She grew up in chaos. All right, we got that.

27:08 Adam Well, what kind of phone sex you haven't?

27:11 Well, it's...

27:12 Adam With strangers?

27:14 Caller Yeah, most of it.

27:15 Adam Through those party lines?

27:17 Caller It's, yeah, through those, you know, the chat, not the 900 numbers, but the chat.

27:21 Adam Yeah.

27:22 Drew How does that make you feel when you finish one of those?

27:24 Adam Yeah, that's the party line, right?

27:25 Drew Yeah.

27:26 Caller Some of the people I develop relationships with, and that's so-so, but then if it's just, like, cheap sex over the phone, I feel really horrid, you know, afterward. Um, it just, it doesn't seem like anything's happened. Right. I, you know?

27:47 Drew Right. Nothing has happened. It doesn't get what you were looking for, does it?

27:51 Caller No.

27:52 Adam Well, you didn't get crabs either.

27:54 Drew Well, but what you didn't get is you didn't get hurt either. You didn't get chaos either. You didn't get the kind of pain that your relationships have brought you throughout your history. No, no, no.

28:04 Adam That sounds like a pretty good thing Karen's on to here.

28:06 Drew Why don't you?

28:07 Adam We ought to get on to that.

28:09 Drew Adam, it is made for you. But Karen's looking for something a little bit more. Karen, go out and have a relationship with a human being. Okay?

28:16 Caller See, I guess that's what I'm trying to find now.

28:19 Drew Okay. Just be careful. You'll find it. Take your time. Don't panic. Don't trust your instincts. Be real cautious with who you choose.

28:27 Adam Trust Drew's instincts, everybody.

28:29 Drew But recognize that what you're looking for is genuine human contact, not this sort of facsimile of intimacy.

28:37 Adam You ever get into that phone sex, Drew? No. Yeah, not in my bag, either. I don't like it when women talk, you know, so it's a turn-off, right? My other invention was, I was thinking of those... Wait a minute. I can't remember if I was talking about this last night. We're talking about those those Biori strips that they stick on, pulling off blackheads from everywhere.

29:01 Drew No.

29:02 Adam You've seen all those commercials?

29:03 Drew No.

29:03 Adam Oh, for Christ's sake, Drew. Oh, for Christ's sake, oh, for Christ's sake.

29:09 Drew I don't sit at home with my drawers around my ankles watching TV like you do.

29:14 Adam My drawers around my head, very smart ass. Look, all those commercials for those new strips that the women stick on their nose and then they peel them off and it pulls the blackheads out.

29:26 Drew All right. I never heard of that, but go ahead.

29:29 Oh my God.

29:31 Adam What must it like to be, what must it like to be, be Drew? Can you imagine?

29:37 Every other commercial.

29:38 Adam Not knowing what's going on, TV and radio.

29:42 Drew It's nice. I'm not affected by the ambient culture.

29:47 Adam No, you're not informed by the popular culture.

29:51 Ah.

29:53 Adam Drew, you're not seeing those commercials where the good looking chick is sticking their stickers to her nose and pulling off blackheads.

30:00 Drew Adam, not seen.

30:02 Adam This is why I need a raise because this is the guy I have to attempt to do comedy with. The guy has never heard of anything. John Travolta.

30:11 Caller What's it called, Adam?

30:13 Adam Biori Yankin Plus or something.

30:16 Biori Poor Pad.

30:17 Adam Poor Patch. Poor Pad. You know, and it's like a patented formula. Actually, that's like blackout, blackhead seeking missiles. Adhesives.

30:29 Drew Here's the deal.

30:29 Adam They're good folks. And they got one for the forehead now.

30:33 Drew That's nice.

30:34 Adam And the cheek and the chin.

30:36 Drew I have three five year olds. We have Nick or Cartoon Network. If the TV is on, it's on about an hour a day. And that's it.

30:43 Adam They don't make those in Flintstones for kids like with Wilma and Betty on there.

30:48 Drew Then I would know all about it.

30:50 Adam Anyway, well, I can't even go along with the humor, Dr. Drew, because it's he never heard of anything. It would be like the guy who sings all those horrible political songs on the piano and you're from Russia. Do you know what I'm saying? And he's singing about Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. And you're just sitting there with your big furry hat on, strumming your Bella Leica.

31:15 Drew I think you're just preparing for the amount of time we're going to spend together the next couple of months. And it's pissing you off already.

31:19 Adam All right. I'll get back to the joke later. Laurie, you're 19. Yeah.

31:24 Caller Hi, guys. It's Poor Perfect.

31:26 Adam Poor Perfect. Right. Everyone's coming out with those now. There's like six of them.

31:30 Caller Yeah. It's amazing.

31:32 They're an amazing little product.

31:34 Adam Everyone got along just fine for thousands of years. And they've come, they've all come out in the last six months.

31:39 Drew They probably don't work. I don't know. They probably don't work at all.

31:41 Caller They work pretty well, actually.

31:42 Adam Well, but Drew, isn't it not?

31:45 Drew Oh, they were great, I heard.

31:47 Adam What? Oh, yeah, yeah. Cause they're a sponsor. But do you want to pull blackheads out of your nose every other day?

31:55 Drew It's a brilliant concept.

31:57 Adam It is?

31:57 Drew It's very appealing to people to be able just to do that. I just don't know whether it works or not.

32:00 Adam But I'm saying from a-

32:01 Caller I will bring some in.

32:02 Drew Okay, do they work?

32:03 Caller I had to prove this to my husband cause he was watching the commercial and he goes, that's a bunch of crap. That doesn't work. I'm like, I'll be right back. I put him all over his face and I ripped him off. And sure enough, he's a believer.

32:13 Adam From this, yeah, but from a dermatological standpoint, it's good to get Comito out.

32:18 Drew Yes.

32:19 Adam Who?

32:19 Drew Comito, that's called.

32:20 Adam The little Italian guy? Now it's good to get it out, but then it fills up. Doesn't make the pores larger?

32:26 Drew Not necessarily.

32:27 Adam So you should squeeze.

32:29 Drew No.

32:30 Adam What should you do? Use the Pore Plus system?

32:33 Drew Yeah, make things clean.

32:34 Adam Right.

32:35 Drew You know, use, use.

32:35 Caller And if you use a stringent afterwards, it closes the pores back up.

32:38 Adam All right, that's good. But I never noticed blackheads in anyone's nose except for like, you know, Carl Malden and I'll bring him in.

32:47 Caller We'll do them to him on the air.

32:49 Caller And you would be surprised.

32:51 Adam All right. That's going to be a good time. I'm waiting for I'm going to come out with a strip that goes over the woman's mouth and you just keep it there.

32:58 Caller I worry about your invention.

32:59 Adam You never pull it off. She's got to breathe through her nose.

33:02 Drew You should pull up what comes out.

33:04 Adam Her tongue. There's a little flamp in the side for you.

33:07 Drew Laurie, what's going on?

33:08 Caller Well, I'm still sleeping with my ex-boyfriend. We broke up about two months ago, but we were living in the same house. And so it was convenient. And I just moved out. And we're still sleeping together, but I'm just starting to date people casually again. And I was wondering, do I need to tell these people that I'm not sleeping with them? But do I need to tell them that I'm sleeping with him?

33:35 Drew You're not, but you have to tell them?

33:36 Caller I was wondering if I should tell them.

33:38 Drew What do you mean you're not?

33:39 Caller I'm not sleeping with any of these people who I've been out on dates with.

33:42 I'm still sleeping with my ex-boyfriend.

33:43 Caller Oh, boy.

33:44 Drew No.

33:44 Adam Really sounded to me like she was saying she wasn't sleeping with her boyfriend.

33:47 Drew Right. No, you don't need to tell anybody anything.

33:50 Adam No.

33:50 Drew But you need to stop sleeping with your boyfriend.

33:53 Adam Don't date these poor bastards. You know what, it's, I imagine that. There you are, buying them wine and a dessert and a creme brulee. Oh, and another second helping of this and a movie and a rose. And she's just got done banging away.

34:09 Caller If I find a guy who I'm really into and we go out on a few dates, I mean...

34:12 Drew Laurie, what's wrong with being alone for a while?

34:14 Caller I don't want to be alone.

34:16 Drew Yes, that's what you need to be. I hate being alone.

34:18 Caller I've been abandoned by everyone.

34:20 Drew Laurie, this is what you need to do. I mean, you're going to find abandoning people over and over again unless you learn how to be comfortable.

34:28 Adam Who abandoned you?

34:30 Caller My mom, my dad, my family.

34:32 Drew Now your boyfriend.

34:34 Caller And this guy, well, he stuck around and moved in with him.

34:37 Drew But now he's abandoned.

34:39 Caller Well, no, we just, I decided to move out on my own.

34:43 Adam How old is he?

34:44 Caller He's 22.

34:45 Drew What do you mean he's not, if the relationship's not over, why'd you move out?

34:49 Caller Because we were at each other's throats. We were working together and sleeping together and spending all our time together and our friendship just was falling through the cracks and I wanted to save our friendship.

35:03 Adam Right.

35:03 Caller And so, and I needed to move out on my own.

35:05 Drew Was that his perspective too or did he want to end the relationship?

35:08 Caller No, we, well, we've broken up. We have nothing, we're good friends, we're good in bed, but the baby-

35:13 Drew Who decided to break up with whom?

35:15 Caller We both decided at like the same day.

35:19 Caller I know it sounds awful, I know it sounds like BS, but it's true.

35:23 Adam All right, where's your mom and your dad, do you ever talk to them?

35:26 Caller Well, when I left my mom's house, well, my dad and my mom divorced when I was like six weeks old. And I decided to move out on my mom's house.

35:37 Adam By the way, by LoveLine standards, is a pretty good run. Six weeks? Yeah, most are...

35:42 Caller Well, I would have gotten divorced sooner, but in Missouri, you can't when you're pregnant.

35:46 Adam Okay, well, most of our listeners are making it a three or four week mark before the divorce becomes finalized. All right, so yeah.

35:55 Caller You know, I moved out of my mom's house when I moved in with him and we haven't talked.

35:59 Adam Okay.

35:59 Caller And she wants nothing to do with me.

36:02 Adam Your mom?

36:02 Caller Yeah.

36:03 Adam Okay.

36:03 Caller And so he's like the only person I know in this town, him and his friends, because I just moved up here.

36:11 Adam All right. Okay. Listen, you got to be on your own for a little while.

36:15 Caller I should stop sleeping with him.

36:16 Drew Absolutely. You need to give up the fantasy that this relationship is somehow going to work out or that he is emotionally still connected with you. He's just sleeping with you.

36:25 Adam Let me tell you what you chicks have. It's like a built-in thing. You know what that is? It's like, it's really like, here's what it is. Here's how dangerous this ability, like if you're an attractive woman, to just date your life away and get completely mired in all of this. It's like you, it's like, it's like if you took an 18 or 19 year old guy and told him he could collect this ability for the rest of his life. So here's your choice. You go to work, working at your uncle's sofa factory, or you can just stay home away for a check. And you can do it. You don't have to work. I mean, you can just keep doing it. You're an attractive 19 year old girl. As long as you're putting out, going to bars, what have you, you can just date, you could date five guys at once for the next 10 years. And if you want to fall back on that, then you can do it for the rest of your, you really can't.

37:25 Drew What is the alternative you're proposing?

37:27 Adam Go to work. Do you know what I'm saying?

37:31 Drew Which is what? What's the equivalent?

37:32 Adam Figure out why you need people so much, do a little soul searching, and get a little emotional work done, and take a little time off, take six months off, get your ass together, and then go out and have an adult relationship. Not like anything I'm having.

38:11 Hey, this is Carrot Top, and even losers like me listen to Love Line with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. Turn on your radio. They'll give you a big hug. It's Love Line. Get it?

38:21 Oww.

38:22 Adam Yes. Phone number 1-800-

38:27 Drew And the email address, loveline at earthlink.net.

38:32 Adam All right, now we're just talking about John Lennon and Julian Lennon and what? Who's John Lennon who's gonna come on the show, the youngest son? And you know, here's the weirdest thing about the whole John Lennon thing. I think he got shot in 1980, he was in New York, I guess he was in front of his apartment. And the guy who shot him, who was that? Mark? Everyone's having their own conversation. Tell you, no, you don't know. Even though you could know this, you idiot. Mark something. No, for Christ's sake. Mike's having, everyone's having their own conversation. Is it? Are they supposed to be doing that in the next room? How come every time I look in there, they're just chanting it up? Anyway, it'll jump into my head.

39:19 Drew The name of the guy that killed John Lennon?

39:21 Adam David Chant, Mark David Chapman. You know what's coming out of, you know what's funny? My brain works. Uh-oh, Mike's gonna spit the answer out. Now I have to spit it out. Even though I swear to God I didn't know it. But Mark David Chapman tried to commit suicide a few years earlier and he's sitting on some beach in Hawaii with his car parked in there and his garden hose in the exhaust pipe and he's gonna kill himself with carbon monoxide poisoning. And it's five in the morning, he's gonna watch the sun rise and he's gonna kill himself. And some fisherman happens by and he like opens the door and throws him out. And then, you know, he moves out to the United States or at least the mainland and shoots John Lennon. Isn't that weird that that guy was, you know, about to kill himself?

40:12 Drew That he was saved for.

40:14 Adam It's gonna be kind of weird as the fisherman guy. Imagine what's going through your head for a couple of years, who's your hero because you happen along this desolate stretch of beach at some ungodly hour like five in the morning and save some young kid's life. Later on, that young kid puts a bullet in one of the world's most beloved performers, John Lennon. And you are sort of indirectly responsible for that. I mean, just sort of one step, not your fault, but it's gotta be a weird thing to live with, wouldn't you say? You would? Yeah, I would. Do you think we ought to bring the guy up on manslaughter?

40:53 Drew No.

40:54 Adam Well, if it weren't for him, John Lennon would still be alive.

40:56 Drew But in your world, things like that may happen.

40:57 Adam Yeah, I'm gonna go for the one step removed or the direct connection thing, you know what I mean?

41:01 Drew Thank you.

41:02 Adam Yeah, I would just be yelling at court, if you were not born, sir, would John Lennon still be alive? Yes or no? Answer the question. If you didn't have this love of angling. Jennifer.

41:13 Caller Yes.

41:13 Adam What's going on?

41:15 Caller I just wanted to call because I was driving in my car and I was listening to the girl that called in who was 16 years old and she had her second child. It just in a way kind of pissed me off because I'm 22 years old and I've had infertility problems since I was 18. I went through pre-menopause when I was 18. What do you mean pre-menopause? My hormones were off balance. My pituitary gland was messed up. My body was producing more testosterone than estrogen. I was taking more hormones than my grandmother. You would say he was going through menopause.

41:49 Drew So you were having some sort of endocrine failure. Is that right? Were there other organs, other glands besides the ovaries shutting down? Was the thyroid malfunctioning?

41:57 Caller No. My thyroid was fine. It just, you know.

42:02 Drew So it was some sort of pituitary dysfunction.

42:04 Caller Yeah.

42:05 Drew Were they able to stimulate the ovaries? In other words, if you want to get pregnant, they can still take over and stimulate the ovaries, right?

42:11 Caller Yes. They can. I'm going to, at Loma Linda right now, I'm working with the fertility specialist.

42:17 Adam How do they stimulate the ovaries? One of those pad sanders?

42:20 Drew No, it's some medicine.

42:22 Adam Is that one of those vibrating sanders?

42:24 Caller No, it isn't that.

42:26 Adam No one knows? Yeah.

42:27 Drew The ovaries don't like that. So you're trying to get pregnant now?

42:32 Caller No, well, I mean, I would like to in the future, you know, when I get married.

42:35 Drew So they've told you that you can?

42:37 Caller Pardon me?

42:37 Drew They've told you that you can?

42:39 Caller That I can?

42:40 Drew Have they told you that you can?

42:41 Caller Well, yes and no. It's kind of, it's like iffy back and forth all the time. You know, one minute my, I'm fine. The next minute I'm not.

42:50 Drew So if I get you right, it's that the pituitary is not stimulating the ovaries to produce the eggs. But that there are eggs there and that if somebody could give you the pituitary hormones, there's a probability that the ovaries will function at least.

43:02 Adam But Jennifer's overall point is what a cruel God we have, which is...

43:08 Drew We've made that assumption.

43:10 Adam This whacked out 16-year-old chick is heading for a third kid and...

43:16 Caller He just thinks it's just all fun and games.

43:19 Drew Well, we're trying to understand, I'm trying to understand what it is about natural selection. I mean, theoretically in biological systems, the people that we produce should be creating a healthier population. And our society seems to have created some sort of conversion or retrograde, some kind of converse reality where the, right?

43:39 Adam Yeah, well, I blame religion and doctors for this. These are the two things...

43:44 Caller What do you mean you blame religion and doctors?

43:45 Adam These are the two things... You can blame the doctor. Oh, please, you shut up for Christ's sake.

43:50 Drew I'm agreeing with you.

43:50 Adam I know, but just stop doing that. Just relax over there.

43:54 Caller Wait, wait, I wanted to ask, what do you mean blame religion and doctors?

43:57 Adam Because Mother Nature did not count on religion and doctors. You understand? It didn't count on doctors keeping everyone alive until they're 95.

44:07 Caller Well, how do you know that?

44:08 Adam Believe me, I know.

44:10 Caller Okay.

44:10 Adam And they didn't count on this backwards, retarded, whacked out Pope up there telling people not to use birth control and whatnot. That's the thing.

44:21 Caller Well, the Pope's not the only one. That stands for religion.

44:25 Adam All right. Well, the shaman or whoever. I had a better point with the religion, but I forgot what it was. So anyway, you're religious, you can't get pregnant.

44:35 Drew No. And you're angry at people that can.

44:38 Caller Well, I'm not angry at people that can. I'm just angry that when a 15-year-old girl calls in and she thinks it's just all fun and games, I mean, you have to have a license to do everything, but you don't have to license to be a deadbeat parent.

44:50 Drew You're singing to the choir here. I mean, we really are on your team as far as all this stuff.

44:54 Adam Oh, are you? Are we? No kidding. All right. I don't want to... I turn the show into three hours of me yelling. Lynn? Yes. You're 24.

45:12 Caller My problem is that I'm in an interracial relationship. I'm black, my boyfriend is white. We've been together for six years and his parents from the time that we started dating until now have had a problem, excuse me, with us being together and all of a sudden, they're inviting me to go on family vacation.

45:36 Drew Great. That's great.

45:38 Adam They're going to arrange an accident.

45:40 Drew No, come on.

45:41 Adam Believe me.

45:41 Drew Is that what you're afraid of?

45:43 Caller Excuse me?

45:44 Drew Is that what you're afraid of?

45:45 Caller No. My problem is that I feel like it hurt me, me, one, and I think that we need to talk about it. I don't think that, you know...

45:56 Drew Not yet. Just hold on. Establish a relationship first.

46:01 Adam But she's got some anger toward these people.

46:03 Drew Of course. Of course.

46:05 Six years, though.

46:06 Adam Well, what have they done in those six years?

46:08 Caller Nothing.

46:09 Adam Well, I know, but what bad stuff have they done? What I mean is, what do you have to get over besides this sort of general feeling? Have they have they done any specific stuff?

46:22 Caller Well, his mother was kind of sneaky. She used to follow us. That's how she found out that we were together.

46:29 Adam Really?

46:30 Caller Yeah, she used to follow us.

46:31 Adam They're not Jewish, are they?

46:33 Caller No.

46:34 Adam Yeah. She'd kill herself and you.

46:36 Caller But I think I'm hurt because before she even knew who I was, she was always very polite and just very...

46:45 Adam Before she knew you were the girlfriend?

46:47 Caller Yeah, I know. Well, before she even knew who I was, period.

46:51 Drew But it sounds like she's come around now, right?

46:53 Caller Well, I think she has, but it's six years of her not wanting us to be together.

47:00 Adam What about the father?

47:01 Caller The father, he's kind of the silent person in the relationship.

47:05 Adam Yeah, he don't...

47:06 Caller He kind of just goes along...

47:07 Adam Let me tell you, because mom's a ball buster and he doesn't want to deal with it. As you get older and you start dealing, you realize you're married to a pole cat, you ain't going to just... You look like a big stick of jerky when you start talking. It's just bury yourself in front of the TV, crack a beer and don't get it, don't start up.

47:27 Caller You know them.

47:28 Adam Believe me, I know how a woman can just break a man.

47:31 Caller That's them.

47:32 Drew But you will need some opportunity to tell her how you feel, but now is not the time.

47:38 Caller I guess my feeling is just that I've had six years to be hurt.

47:43 Adam That's true. What do you care? Relax over there. I've got some good answers for Lynn. And Lynn?

47:48 Caller Yes.

47:49 Adam Hold on a second because we've got to go to break.

47:51 Caller Okay.

47:51 Adam And I want to get back to this because it's an interesting topic.

47:54 Caller Okay.

47:55 Adam All right, hang on. We'll go to break. We'll come back.

47:56 Caller Okay.

47:57 Adam All right.

47:58 Caller Love Line, be right back in a minute.

48:04 Caller W-E-B-N Man turns animal for the erotic pleasures of women.

48:09 Caller It's Love Line.

48:11 Caller Alright.

48:30 Adam All right, break it down.

48:31 Drew We just forget how the human race is sorting out genetically.

48:34 Adam Took me about four minutes, right?

48:35 Drew Yeah, during the break, yeah, you did it.

48:37 Adam Thank you. All right, this is LoveLine, and we will be back in 10 seconds.

48:43 This is LoveLine on Radio Station.

48:47 Caller We're the G-spot on your radio dial. Oh, yeah, right there.

48:52 LoveLine on 1027 W-E-B-N, Cincinnati.

48:57 Drew Is it okay to be in love to a guy twice my age?

49:05 Adam Phone number for LoveLine, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Janine Garofalo. Garofalo.

49:10 Drew I won't be here tomorrow night.

49:12 Adam She says she will.

49:13 Drew Don't jinx it.

49:14 Adam Listen, you just jinxed it by saying the jinx thing, jinx all. It came with a good name for a guy today. Jack Holman. You know, it's like, it sounds, it could be a name, right?

49:27 Caller Yeah.

49:29 Drew Paging Mr. Jack Holman.

49:30 Adam Jack Holman. Well, let me just see if I can get the reefer. Jack Holman, Mr. Jack Holman, please meet at the luggage claim, Jack Holman.

49:40 Drew And that's funny, why?

49:43 Adam There's gotta be a guy named Jack Holman out there.

49:45 Drew Why didn't that word catch on?

49:46 Adam Jack Holman?

49:47 Drew Yeah, it's a great word.

49:48 Adam I didn't push hard enough with it. It's a good word. Great word. And it's not, you know, you can use it.

49:53 Drew Yeah.

49:54 Adam You can call someone a Jack Holman.

49:55 Drew Yeah.

49:56 Adam Yeah. Cause see, the whole idea with swear words is, is anything you make up, you can use. It's kind of funny.

50:01 Drew It's like creating a drug that the DA hasn't caught on with yet.

50:04 Adam Right. Unless it sounds too much like a racial epithet. Do you know what I'm saying?

50:11 Drew Yeah, but Jack Holman, you know, Jack off, you can't really say, an asshole is a little bit harsh.

50:15 Adam Right.

50:15 Drew Jack Holman.

50:17 Adam Hey, Lillian.

50:18 Yes.

50:19 Adam All right. So Lillian is a woman of color.

50:23 Caller I am.

50:23 Adam And she is married to a man of no color. Dating.

50:28 Caller Dating.

50:29 Adam Dating. Six years, though.

50:30 Drew He has a mom who's a boyfriend mom.

50:35 Adam Right.

50:35 Drew Depending on that.

50:36 Adam Now, let me just defend the white race for a second and tell you that this woman is a pain in the ass and in no way represents the majority of white folk.

50:46 Caller Oh, I know.

50:47 Adam And not only that, but I can guarantee you that she was somewhat of a pain in the ass to your boyfriend for other girlfriends too. Now, she may be a bigger pain in the ass for you because you're black.

51:00 Caller Well, I think part of the problem is that we met when we were fairly young and I was his first serious girlfriend.

51:09 Drew When you were both 18?

51:11 Caller Excuse me?

51:11 Drew Were you both 18?

51:13 Caller He was 17 and I was 18. So I think it's probably partially the race. Probably also, who is this girl that took my son?

51:23 Adam You're right.

51:24 Caller You know, but I think it wasn't only anger but embarrassment. I mean, my family, they were like, well, did you meet his mom and what are his parents like? And I couldn't say anything.

51:38 Drew You know, look, you sound fantastic. Your family is lucky to have you. And if they have one shred of decency and two neurons firing, they'll come, they'll recognize that.

51:51 Adam Sounds sort of like they are. And actually, I'm glad you called it this juncture, this six year juncture, because I tell people all the time, because I talk to people who were you calling in six years ago and say, why won't the folks accept me because of my color, my race or my religion, whatever it is. And I always tell them, just hang out, be good, and eventually, even if they're colossal a-holes, they start warming up to you because they just realize, hey, it's been six years, this is the person.

52:20 Drew And that's what's happening here, except now what we have is the ancillary problem, which is Lin has six years of...

52:27 Adam Pent up whatever. Yes. And listen, I'm all right with that, by the way.

52:31 Drew Oh, sure. But my point is, now is not the time to let that out. Now, I will have your opportunity to express that, but get the relationship built in a positive way first.

52:41 Adam And I would say just go out, be friendly, and you just never get that tight with them. Right. I've done this before.

52:49 Drew If there's one thing that religion does offer people is the value in forgiveness. Is that not true, Adam?

52:56 Adam No, I was just talking to somebody about a guy I know is Jewish who has to... He's not Jewish. He's Catholic. He's got to convert because the mom was tossing his ass out of the house, would not let him come into his girlfriend's home. Absolutely would not.

53:11 Drew Until he converted.

53:12 Adam Now he converted even though, you know, I'm sure he wants to kill her. He's converted. And now they're chummy. So what the hell's religion done for them, please? Created a rift, of course.

53:22 Caller You know, I'm also confused because I think that, you know, if we start to build a relationship, what will we talk, what will I say to her?

53:32 Drew Well, I know it just, you're wanting there to be some genuineness in the relationship. It's going to take a while before that.

53:39 Caller Totally funny because I don't want her.

53:40 Drew Don't worry, it'll happen.

53:41 Caller To be a friend. And then all of a sudden I come out and say, well, you know.

53:45 Drew I don't think you should count, she's not somebody you probably want to, you wouldn't choose her as a friend if she weren't somebody.

53:51 Adam You'll never get that close to her, Lynn, because she's flawed and you know it. And you don't want to hang out with her anyway. You just tolerate her like Drew does with his in-laws.

54:00 Caller Because he has a sister who's dated black guys and nothing was ever said.

54:05 Adam Really?

54:06 Caller Yeah. But she.

54:08 Adam What is that? Maybe there's a little Colt 45 in the water system over there or something.

54:13 Caller So I mean, I really, I think that could be, you know, raised and then the fact that her son fell head over heels. It's been something that's continued for six years. He was young.

54:26 Adam Well, here's the deal. The mom dotes over the son and the father worries about the daughter.

54:32 Caller Right.

54:32 Adam And you have a hyperactive mom and a docile father. So that's why the sister got away with it.

54:38 Caller Yeah.

54:39 Adam And when I say sister, I mean, you know, blood sister. You know, sister. You know what I'm saying, sister? All right. Everything's fine.

54:47 Drew Then you're gonna be great. OK.

54:48 Adam All right.

54:48 Drew Hang in there.

54:51 Adam People up here screwing up the race relations. You know what I'm saying? You want to kill these people.

54:57 Drew You know, I did a physical on Jelma's where he was 82. And he was telling me how he became a flyer. He started flying planes in the 30s. Can you imagine that? And he got drafted and started flying missions over, I don't know, Italy or something. And then I said, why did you become a pilot?

55:13 Adam Then he asked you to take his finger out of your ass.

55:15 Drew At the end of the hole, he did. You see, you wouldn't be able to tell what his prostate was firm, see?

55:21 Adam It was?

55:22 Drew Yeah.

55:22 Adam Did you check it?

55:24 Caller Yeah. What am I doing?

55:25 Adam Can I smell your finger? Firm like what? Like tennis ball or cassava melon?

55:30 Drew What the hell's the matter with me?

55:31 Adam All right. So anyway.

55:33 Drew So and I said, gee, why didn't you ever want to fly planes? Yes, I wanted to be a pilot. That's what I wanted to do. Why didn't you? Well, I went to Pan American Airlines and the president at that time was the man who gave birth to the present Queen of Jordan. You know, the Jordanian.

55:51 Adam All right. Yeah.

55:53 Drew They went and had the meeting. He was being hired to be a pilot. Then at the end of the interview, somehow religion came up and he said, well, I'm Jewish. And the guy said, well, we'll call you. Maybe we'll call you when we need you. And that was the end of that. This guy had a decade of experience.

56:06 Adam He got screwed because he was Jewish.

56:07 Drew But you never hear that stuff. I mean, you know, I mean, those that there's a lot of that stuff that went on in that period of history.

56:13 Adam Yeah. The Jews got screwed and the Jews.

56:16 Drew Everybody did.

56:17 Adam All right. Everybody did.

56:18 Drew We forget about how close we were to them.

56:20 Adam Mainly the Jews.

56:21 Drew But now, no, no, no.

56:22 Adam Now the Jews are exacting their revenge on the poor, horny, goyum boys who want to get into their daughter's pants.

56:29 Drew What the hell are you talking about?

56:30 Adam I'm telling you, my friend was not welcome in his girlfriend's house.

56:35 Drew Oh, I thought you said he was Jewish and had to become Catholic.

56:38 Adam Oh, I'm sorry. No, I didn't say that. He's Catholic or whatever he was. I don't think he was anything. He had to become Jewish and now they're chummy. Because you see, he's totally different. I'm saying another friend of mine, at her funeral, he's going to be rubbing a rosary. The second she kicks off, he's going right back to Catholicism. Please. Oh, it's pathetic. Megan.

57:01 Caller Yeah.

57:01 Adam You're 18.

57:02 Caller Yes.

57:02 Adam What's going on?

57:05 Caller I have been molested by my stepfather since I was 15. And about seven months ago, he raped me.

57:13 Drew Wait, wait, wait. How was it not raped to begin with?

57:16 Caller There was no penetration.

57:18 Drew I see. And were you being abused by somebody else before the age of 15?

57:21 Caller No. He married my mother when I was 14. And the abuse started around a year later.

57:30 Drew The reason I ask that question is usually a 15-year-old will speak up loud and clear if something hadn't happened earlier.

57:36 Caller I've had a problem with anorexia nervosa.

57:40 Drew Okay. So you've been, something happened.

57:43 Caller I've always had a problem with self-esteem. And I've been doing self-mutilation since I was about 14.

57:51 Drew Gotcha.

57:51 Adam Yeah, but what got you started on that?

57:54 Caller Just a really horrible self-image. And my mother isn't the greatest mom in the world.

58:00 Drew And where was your real dad?

58:02 Caller Not in the picture.

58:03 Caller What happened to him?

58:05 Caller He left right after she told him that she was pregnant.

58:09 Drew With you?

58:10 Caller With me.

58:10 Drew So you never knew him?

58:11 Caller No.

58:12 Caller Okay.

58:13 Caller When my mother got remarried, I was 14. And then when the abuse started, I was 15.

58:18 Drew Okay.

58:18 Adam Sorry, but no other physical abuse before then?

58:23 Caller And about 7 months ago, my stepfather raped me.

58:27 Caller Okay.

58:28 Caller And I haven't spoken to my mom about it. She knows that I've been having emotional problems with my anorexia.

58:35 Drew Does she know that you had been being abused by him before?

58:38 Caller No.

58:40 Drew And mom must be a real treat, by the way.

58:41 Caller He's threatened me.

58:43 Drew He's threatened you?

58:44 Caller If I am to speak out. He's a very large man. He's about 6'4, and weighs about 220. And about 11 weeks ago, I went to the doctor because I had been feeling fatigued and I've lost a large amount of weight. And three weeks ago, I found out that I was HIV positive. And I have had no sexual relations with anyone. And I don't know how to tell my mother.

59:14 Drew Do you have any history of IV drugs?

59:16 Caller No, I've never used drugs.

59:17 Drew No transfusions?

59:18 Caller No.

59:22 Adam Hold on one second. Hold on. What's nervosa with the eating disorder? What's the nervosa part?

59:30 Drew Just name.

59:33 Adam Anorexia and anorexia nervosa, exactly the same thing.

59:35 Drew Exactly the same thing.

59:36 Adam John Wayne Airport, Orange County Airport. Exactly.

59:39 Drew In fact, most anorexia now sort of falls in the category of anorexia bulimia. It's a more common combination.

59:44 Adam Okay, how can she get HIV if she...

59:48 Drew She has sex. With the implication is the stepdad has it.

59:53 Adam Yeah, but I thought she... Megan?

59:56 Caller Yes.

59:57 Adam So you think you got it from your stepdad?

59:59 Caller I believe I got it from my stepfather.

1:00:00 Drew How long ago did you have sex with your stepfather?

1:00:02 Adam This is...

1:00:03 Caller Seven months ago.

1:00:04 Drew Okay.

1:00:04 Adam He raped you seven months ago.

1:00:06 Caller And it's been continual.

1:00:08 Drew He's kept going since then?

1:00:09 Caller Yes.

1:00:09 Adam For seven months.

1:00:10 Drew I'm sure this is the kind of... This guy could... Who knows what the hell this guy's doing. I mean...

1:00:15 Adam What's this guy do for a living, just so I can...

1:00:18 Caller He's a legal consultant.

1:00:20 Oh, okay.

1:00:21 Caller And he pulled me out of high school when I was 15 and had me home schooled.

1:00:27 Adam Sure. When why... Can your stepdad do that, by the way? I mean, if you didn't want to do that?

1:00:37 Caller My mother, he convinced my mother that it was a really good idea.

1:00:40 Adam And why... What was behind that? Did he want to have you alone?

1:00:45 Caller He doesn't... He's very strict. He doesn't let me out past a certain hour. He doesn't like me going out. I have no friends. I am very secluded. I don't...

1:00:57 Adam Okay. All right. This guy's a monster, but...

1:01:00 Drew This guy's an asshole.

1:01:02 Adam Thank you, Drew. So you found out you're HIV positive how long ago?

1:01:06 Caller Three weeks ago.

1:01:07 Drew And what have they done with you so far?

1:01:08 Caller Right now, the only thing that's happening is I'm getting... I have no other STDs and I'm not on any medication as of yet. So I don't know when I contacted it.

1:01:22 Drew What is the plan from this medication?

1:01:24 Caller I haven't gone back to the doctor. The one place that I went to was a clinic. I don't have a regular.

1:01:33 Adam How do they inform you?

1:01:35 Caller They sent me a letter.

1:01:38 Drew What state are you in? That's not how that's informed in this state.

1:01:43 Caller Pardon?

1:01:44 Drew That's not how people are informed in this state.

1:01:45 Caller That was how I was informed through a letter and a phone call.

1:01:50 Adam What state are you in?

1:01:51 Caller I'm in Oregon.

1:01:54 Drew What kind of test did you have done?

1:01:55 Caller I had a blood test done.

1:01:57 Drew Where did you have that done?

1:01:58 Caller I had it done at a free clinic that's located over in Portland, Oregon.

1:02:06 Adam How do they inform you here? Like a singing telegram or something?

1:02:10 Drew If somebody couldn't be contacted in person, you'd get a...

1:02:15 Caller I got a letter. I did not want to be contacted at home. They did call my home, but they sent me a letter also.

1:02:22 Drew But you'd get a receipt kind of letter.

1:02:24 Adam So Megan? Yes. I mean, your stepdad didn't get to you until you were 14. So you were... Okay, until you were 15. I mean, you didn't meet him until you were 14. And so even though you had some self-esteem issues, an eating disorder and whatnot, you had some semblance of a personality at that point. Wasn't like he got to you when you were three or four.

1:02:46 Caller No.

1:02:48 Adam So, you know, 15, even though you were kind of screwed up, you still didn't make a move to tell anybody or inform the authorities or anything like that.

1:03:02 Caller I have nobody to tell. The only person that I have to tell is my mother.

1:03:07 Adam Well, I know, but-

1:03:08 Caller And he has brainwashed my mother.

1:03:10 Adam I know, we don't want to tell her.

1:03:11 Drew No, but we need, you need to tell her.

1:03:13 Caller I need to let her know if he's doing something to her also and if she's positive.

1:03:18 Drew Absolutely. I mean, you need to tell the police.

1:03:21 Caller I am having desperate times.

1:03:23 Drew Well, you have no alternative.

1:03:25 Adam You're having a desperate time what?

1:03:26 Caller Trying to stay alive at this point.

1:03:28 Drew Why then aren't you calling the police?

1:03:32 Caller I don't know, should I?

1:03:34 Adam Yo, ho, ho, ho. You've got to get the SWAT team over there. Yes.

1:03:39 Drew I mean, first of all.

1:03:40 Adam You have to.

1:03:40 Drew You are going to need to initiate treatment for this HIV immediately. I mean, the advancement in the ability to suppress the destructive aspect of the HIV is quite substantial. And certainly, triple therapy would be something that you'd hope you could get on right away. And maybe decrease the risk of this, maybe even ever, going on to AIDS, or certainly not within the near future. And the earlier you start this, the better off you're going to be. That's number one. Number two, you've got a guy with a deadly weapon, quite literally, in the house.

1:04:11 Caller How do I save my mother?

1:04:13 Drew And three, you've got a guy who's threatening to harm you. Four, you've got a guy who's raping you. This is way, and this is not something you and your mother are going to be handle alone, or you're going to be able to handle without full-scale intervention by whatever resources are available in your community.

1:04:31 Caller But since I'm now 18, do I still have the same rights if I were a minor?

1:04:36 Drew I know that you're being raped, and you're being, without your consent, and you may have to do some proving of all that, but, and you've got, it's HIV now, it's certainly that would implicate somebody in the household there. And you've got your mom potentially exposed to all this. I mean, this has to be handled by a team of people.

1:04:57 Adam Not only that, but the secretary, this guy's boffin, as well as in danger, whatever the hell else this guy's up to.

1:05:04 Drew This is a dangerous person. And you have to be able to get access to the care that you need.

1:05:10 Caller I just feel really trapped. I have no where to go.

1:05:15 Adam Do you have any friends?

1:05:17 Caller No.

1:05:17 Adam No, not any?

1:05:18 Caller No.

1:05:19 Adam Yeah, they're idiots anyway. You don't want those friends. You got a call. What's that, Drew? What's going on?

1:05:27 Drew I don't know.

1:05:28 Adam You starting to get a little suspicious here?

1:05:29 Drew I don't know. We have to deal with it accordingly, though.

1:05:33 Adam You don't have any friends? Because of homeschooling?

1:05:37 Caller There's nobody. I have neighbors. I have neighbors.

1:05:41 Adam No aunts or uncles, anything like that?

1:05:45 Caller Yeah, my mom's, my mother's sister.

1:05:47 Adam Oh, that sounds bad.

1:05:49 Drew Yeah. Anything to do with mom we're concerned with. But then everybody else is suspect, too.

1:05:55 Adam Do you have anyone you can stay with?

1:05:57 No.

1:05:58 Adam And nowhere you can go?

1:05:59 Caller No. I have nowhere to go.

1:06:01 All right.

1:06:01 Adam Are you done with school or homeschool?

1:06:03 Caller I'm done with homeschool.

1:06:04 Adam Are you working or anything like that?

1:06:06 Caller Yes.

1:06:07 You are?

1:06:07 Caller Yes.

1:06:08 Adam Can you get out on your own?

1:06:10 Caller I can. If I go to a low-income housing, I've been checking.

1:06:17 Adam Hey. Yeah. OK. Because, Megan, wouldn't you want to get out of that situation? I mean, with this big brute living down the hall?

1:06:24 Caller Yes, I do. But I want to be able to take my mother with me. I don't know how.

1:06:31 Adam I know you feel a bond to your mother, but your mother's the one who got you into this mess. I mean, she did bring this piece of vermin back home with her.

1:06:41 Drew And I thought this is the one you were so afraid to tell about.

1:06:43 Caller I am. I don't know how to get it through her.

1:06:47 Drew Okay, I have to give you a hotline that I'm going to ask you to speak to, all right?

1:06:52 Caller Okay.

1:06:52 Drew Because...

1:06:54 Adam Grab a pen and pencil. All right, well, hang on a second. Grab a pen and pencil. Why wouldn't she tell her mom? She wants to save her mom.

1:07:05 Drew Lots of things don't fit in this.

1:07:07 Adam Lots of things?

1:07:08 Drew Lots of things.

1:07:09 Adam Not lots of things, just a couple of things.

1:07:12 Drew For instance, think about... Let's give her the phone number first. Let's wrap it up, and then you and I will wrap up together here. Okay, Megan?

1:07:19 Caller Yes.

1:07:19 Drew The number is 800... I'm going to give you a two-number, 800-522-8336. Can you read that back to me?

1:07:28 Caller 1-800-522-8386.

1:07:31 Drew 8336.

1:07:32 Caller 8336.

1:07:34 Drew And 800-422-4453.

1:07:42 Caller Okay.

1:07:43 Adam You got that?

1:07:44 Drew You stay in touch with us.

1:07:45 Adam What are those numbers for? I know one of them is an ICE's Pimp Line, but what's the other one?

1:07:49 Drew They're both crisis lines, and they deal with abuse of various types. And it's a way to, again, help get support and direction on what you need to do with this issue. But it's pretty clear to us that you need to call the police, Department of Social Services, you need to call in every resource available, and get some contact with the authorities in your community so they can intervene.

1:08:13 Caller How do I intervene with my mother?

1:08:16 Drew Don't worry about that.

1:08:17 Adam Call the authorities and let the professionals handle it.

1:08:19 Drew Start with the crisis lines tonight, okay?

1:08:21 Adam Okay. Call them tonight. Thank you. All right.

1:08:24 Drew Okay. You know, people, when we normally, think about all the calls we've had like that, and usually we give advice to like, Mouse, okay, all right, I'll do it, okay. Yeah. And this is very assertive, and I'm going to, it doesn't fit with somebody that's in that, nor does it fit that a 15-year-old would go on for three years like that unless they've been roundly abused as a three-year-old. Nor does the HIV story fit at all, how that happened and what they did with it and how the news was delivered, and it just doesn't fit. Also, remember this is a limited sexual contact and it's just all doesn't fit. All right.

1:08:59 Adam So how does she get HIV from a man who's having, A, wasn't having sex with her for a few years, I mean, intercourse?

1:09:10 Drew Well, she did the math just about right.

1:09:12 Adam She did seven months.

1:09:14 Drew It was just exactly perfect, and that 11 weeks ago turned up positive. I mean, she had it all just perfectly right, and yet the same guy has been having sex with mom for how many years, and yet mom doesn't have anything, and he doesn't have anything yet. Nobody knew about it. He's not an IV drug user. It's just all just, it's so fantastic. I mean, that it's possible, but not probable. It's not the usual thing that we hear over and over again.

1:09:40 Adam Well, we don't hear about many teenagers tolerating sexual abuse unless there was some sexual abuse before then. A few other things didn't fit, although she was genuinely disturbed and upset.

1:09:57 Drew We just have to do with those. All right. It just doesn't, didn't all hang together for me, but that's why it goes.

1:10:01 Adam All right. When we come back, what are we going to talk to?

1:10:07 Drew We'll decide on the break. I was overwhelmed by Megan.

1:10:09 Adam All right. I was too.

1:10:11 Okay.

1:10:14 Caller The phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:10:19 Caller W-E-B-N.

1:10:39 Adam All right, that's more like it. Who is this? Big Bad Voodoo Danny? It is? Yep. All right, let's just swing for a second. If you only knew the joy of playing the horn like this. You know what I mean?

1:10:58 Drew The piano is in there.

1:11:00 Adam Oh, there you go. Did I tell you it was my grandma? I told her my grandma did, didn't I?

1:11:07 Drew No. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:11:11 Caller All right.

1:11:12 Adam All right. Hey, who's that, Megan?

1:11:14 Drew I think that was bogus.

1:11:15 Adam Yeah, we're talking about it off the air and we're sort of adding things up and there's a lot of peculiar things going on.

1:11:23 Drew We've talked to enough people here that when things don't fit, they just don't fit and we're usually never wrong about that. I mean, there's just a patterns to why and what things happen. But unfortunately, the material that she was bringing up was so serious, we can make no assumptions. We just have to deal with it accordingly. I mean, it's just too heavy a story to even spend the time figuring out whether it was real or not.

1:11:46 Adam Right. And Drew, I know anyone can get aids from anybody else at any given time, especially if you're heterosexual.

1:11:53 Yeah.

1:11:55 Drew Why wasn't she pregnant, by the way? That's another thing we forgot to get into.

1:11:58 Adam But your chances of getting aids are HIV from somebody you're having sort of infrequent sex with over the course of a couple months.

1:12:11 Drew Unless he's way on his disease and producing lots of virus.

1:12:14 Adam And then mom would have it.

1:12:16 Drew And he would be sicker. He would have evidence.

1:12:18 Adam Jane?

1:12:19 Yeah.

1:12:20 Adam You're 20.

1:12:21 Caller Yeah. My problem is I'm going through a divorce right now. And I got like a lot of independence and everything. It's kind of like I basically outgrew him.

1:12:32 Drew How old were you when you got married?

1:12:34 Caller 18.

1:12:35 Drew How old were you when you started dating him?

1:12:37 Caller 14.

1:12:37 Drew Oh, boy.

1:12:38 Caller Yeah. Really early.

1:12:41 Drew How old was he then at 14?

1:12:43 Caller He was 16.

1:12:43 Drew Okay.

1:12:44 Adam And when you say outgrew him, do you mean emotionally or just packed on a lot of weight?

1:12:48 Caller No. I mean, I think more of an emotionally.

1:12:52 Adam Uh-huh. I see. Let me write that down. Emotionally. Okay.

1:12:58 Caller And he's having like a really hard time with it. And he's like coming in, trying to get into the apartment. I had, there's no lock on the patio door. I had to shove a board in there. But I mean, he climbed up the balcony. He's like going through my purse. And now he's going through my stuff.

1:13:15 Adam Well, that's a problem when you outgrow someone emotionally. You outgrow them emotionally.

1:13:21 Caller Yeah.

1:13:22 Adam You know what? I've just come up with a good idea. You know, all these poor women have to go replace the locks because they throw the guy out. And there's all these people getting divorced and losing their crazy boyfriends and whatnot. There should be a lock exchange program. Yeah. Yeah. You know, those things usually all have the same backset, which is either two and three-eighths or two and three-quarter. And they all got the same bore, the dead bolts. Ninety-nine percent of them are two and an eighth bore. You could literally just change out your lock and swap it with your neighbor's. Got a crazy boyfriend coming around.

1:13:52 Drew You could get kind of a bulletin board on the Internet. Yeah.

1:13:55 Adam The Schlegs will run you 20 bucks, you know? And you trade them the key, trade them the lock. That way, he has the key to your place, but never knows it.

1:14:03 Drew Then you could support each other on the emotional dealings of leaving the relationship.

1:14:06 Adam Yeah. They use the lock to sort of bond.

1:14:09 Drew They initiate the relationship.

1:14:10 Adam Right. Right.

1:14:11 Drew It's a great idea.

1:14:12 Adam Thanks, Jane. Appreciate that.

1:14:14 Caller But anyway, he don't want to let go.

1:14:21 Drew Have you had the divorce yet?

1:14:23 Caller No. I'm just like-

1:14:26 Drew You need to finalize things. You need to really bring down a lot of structure to let them know you're-

1:14:30 Caller Well, I'm not the lawyer.

1:14:31 Drew Yeah, but you- No, you need- It can't be symbolic. It's got to be harsh and real.

1:14:36 Adam How old is he?

1:14:37 Caller He is 22.

1:14:38 Drew I mean, he is gonna- It's gonna be harder to help for him to let go.

1:14:41 Adam Is he just still in love with you, or is he just having this adverse reaction to being broken up with?

1:14:46 Caller I think- I don't know if he's really still in love. I think it's just like a really hard blow to him, you know?

1:14:51 Adam Because he was kind of mean to you when you were together, right?

1:14:54 Caller Yeah. He was always, you know, the boss, and I was always watching my back. He was never, like, abusive.

1:15:00 Adam Do you have kids?

1:15:02 Caller We have one.

1:15:04 Adam Oh, my goodness. So that's just one.

1:15:06 Caller He's two and a half.

1:15:07 Adam Well, he's practically out of the house.

1:15:09 Caller Yeah.

1:15:10 Adam I mean, today, isn't he? The kids hit out about 11 or 12?

1:15:14 Drew Four and a half.

1:15:15 Adam Oh, four and a half. Wow.

1:15:16 Oh, okay.

1:15:17 Adam He's just like- All right, Jane, listen, you got to bring, you know, you got to be firm.

1:15:22 Drew Be the bear, be firm, yeah.

1:15:24 Adam I know what the guy's going through.

1:15:26 Drew Yeah, it's exactly what you did, isn't it?

1:15:27 Adam Yeah. But don't get married at- I didn't never- It was stupid enough to get married at 18, though. Understand that it's- that ain't going to work, kids. Getting married at 18 works when you die, you know, you die in your 30s. Yeah. It don't work. It don't work otherwise.

1:15:43 Drew You die at 85.

1:15:44 Right.

1:15:47 Adam Mercedes.

1:15:48 Caller Yeah.

1:15:49 Adam What's going on there?

1:15:51 Caller Yeah. My girlfriend, she's pregnant and well, I'm bisexual and like, she's pregnant and I was wondering if I should dump her.

1:16:03 Adam Oh yeah.

1:16:04 Drew Mercedes, what's your deal? Do you live with your parents?

1:16:06 Caller Yeah.

1:16:07 Adam What are you goofing off? What are you screwing around here?

1:16:13 Caller Who, me?

1:16:13 Adam Yeah, you're not bisexual.

1:16:16 Caller Yes, I am.

1:16:16 Adam No, quit goofing around.

1:16:18 Caller What?

1:16:19 Adam Please, you goofball, 15-year-old. You've never been with a woman. Please.

1:16:25 Caller What?

1:16:25 Adam Give me a break.

1:16:26 What? Huh?

1:16:28 Adam All right, jackass.

1:16:30 Drew We're getting bogus calls that are getting through tonight.

1:16:33 Adam Yeah.

1:16:34 Drew Asshole.

1:16:35 Adam I'll tell you, we used to have a fine HEPA filter in there for screeners, but now we've just got a big fat screen door and there's like a fat guy standing in it, propping it open, drinking a beer in his underwear, and everything's just flying right through.

1:16:48 Drew Lisa got fried by the sun on the beach today. Just did a little something to her.

1:16:53 Yeah.

1:16:54 Adam She's thinking about a boy.

1:16:56 Drew Oh.

1:16:57 Oh.

1:17:01 Adam Girl goes out and gets a tan. She could be thinking about a boy. Lisa, what's going on with you?

1:17:09 Caller No, I'm just trying to do my job.

1:17:12 Adam What kind of job?

1:17:13 Drew Why can't we stay on the mark there?

1:17:14 Adam What's going on with you? Is there some guy you're thinking about?

1:17:16 Drew No.

1:17:17 Adam Seriously.

1:17:18 Drew Who you at the beach with? Just some friends.

1:17:20 Adam Oh. No, I believe she went to the... There's love. There's something going on with Lisa. She's glowing.

1:17:29 Caller No.

1:17:30 Adam What happened?

1:17:31 Caller Nothing, really.

1:17:31 Adam You dating? Huh?

1:17:34 Caller No.

1:17:35 Drew Are you interested in one of the guys that you went to the beach with?

1:17:37 Caller No, I went with a couple of girlfriends.

1:17:39 Drew Did you meet a guy at the beach?

1:17:40 Caller No, I didn't.

1:17:41 Adam But you went to the beach?

1:17:42 Caller You guys are really funny.

1:17:43 Adam Did you go to the beach to get tanned for a guy?

1:17:44 No.

1:17:45 Adam You know, they like those bikini lines.

1:17:49 Caller No, Adam, I just went to have fun.

1:17:51 Adam All right. All right.

1:17:53 Drew Well, then what the hell's the matter with the screenings?

1:17:55 Adam Listen, don't drink before you come in, then. All right, in that case, you're fired. You're either in love or fired. Okay. That Mercedes was a jack-off, right? Yeah. Okay. Crystal. Yeah. Is 16.

1:18:11 Caller Oh, I was wondering if St. John's Works, if those really work or what?

1:18:18 Drew Well, there is probably some effect from it.

1:18:19 Adam None of that hippie herb crap works worth a damn.

1:18:23 Drew Well.

1:18:23 Adam Believe me, I just got done taking that kava kava BS. I was up all night with that garbage.

1:18:29 Drew If.

1:18:30 Adam I swear to God.

1:18:31 Drew If you have a bonafide depression, then it should be attended to properly. Now, if it's severe enough that you need a pharmacologic agent, why not take one that's known to work as opposed to one that we don't know when and how much and what the potential effects are? And you should be treating yourself no matter what. You should be monitored carefully and assessed carefully. I mean, you'd be amazed how often depressions are actually precipitated by medical problems, thyroid conditions, anemias. I mean, almost anything you can imagine can present as depression. And so you very primarily need an evaluation to make sure it's not a medical problem causing the depression.

1:19:08 Adam Let me explain what's going on, Drew, in real world terms. There's a lot of tree-hugging, sandal-wearing, underarm hair-growing, granola-eating, yanny freaks out there who don't like the notion of taking something that the man created. Know what I'm saying?

1:19:37 Drew I know.

1:19:37 Adam And they don't want to be stigmatized, you know, as to being on one of these mood-altering, you know, antidepressants or something like that. And there's a certain, you know what they should really do with this stuff, you know, like Prozac.

1:19:55 Drew Yeah. Put in a root. Grind it up.

1:19:58 Adam Just change the name of it every six months. Funzac. Scrotum Sac. You know what I mean? Change the name of it because people think there's a difference. And here's the deal. You got a problem with your affect, you got a problem with your mood, so you take a pill. Now who the hell cares if some Cherokee Indian grounded up in a mortar and pestle as grandfather gave him or up John made it in a factory in North Carolina? Who cares? You're taking a pill because something's not right with you.

1:20:33 Drew But it's that fact that...

1:20:34 Adam Get over it...

1:20:35 Drew .impairs people's or challenges people's grandiosity and sense of omnipotence. That is admitting that you may be frail and need help and are maybe not perfect and may be ill.

1:20:46 Adam Yeah, but when the crap comes in a root form, you're enhancing your life when it comes in You're not really sick.

1:20:52 Drew You're not sick. There's nothing wrong with you. I'm just...

1:20:53 Adam You're sucking on a root. How bad could you be? But when you take a pill, it suggests that something's wrong with you.

1:20:59 Drew Right, exactly.

1:21:00 Adam So when you take St. John's Ward or the Cava Cava or any of this other BS, you are enhancing. When you take a Prozac, you're fixing something that's broken.

1:21:11 Drew Exactly. And that impaired... It all goes back to the narcissism that is so indebted.

1:21:17 Adam Listen, if you need a pill, take a pill that works.

1:21:19 Caller Oh, okay.

1:21:21 Caller I feel so liquidy.

1:21:23 Drew Really?

1:21:43 Caller And a little bit, work your way around.

1:21:47 Adam Hey, it's the Love Line. All right, finally a little Survivor back on the air. Oh, that's not Survivor. Who is that? Rage? Rage against the machine or just rage?

1:22:04 Drew Rage against the machine. Even I know that.

1:22:06 Adam Kids are angry this rage. Oh, you know it's rage, rage is rage against the machine.

1:22:10 Drew Am I not right on that one? I'm assuming that's what they mean.

1:22:12 Adam Yeah, I can't stand that crap. I just can't, it just gives me a headache. I know I sound old, but.

1:22:17 Drew That sounded pretty good.

1:22:19 Adam Yeah, but you can't, that's all right if you're getting a bee job at some S&M parlor, you know, at four in the morning and you're out of your mind on X, but you can't drive around and listen to that garbage.

1:22:30 Drew You know what I can't stand?

1:22:32 Adam There you go. That's the kind of thing I could drive to.

1:22:40 Drew Yeah, I can't stand any one kind of music all the time.

1:22:43 Adam You know what I mean? Yeah.

1:22:44 Drew I can listen to Rage Month a lot.

1:22:46 Adam You can? Yeah. If it's in the soundtrack of a movie. Well. All right. Quit trying to be cool, Drew. You listen to opera. Yeah. So is that what you listen to all the time? Most. All right. Well, then shush up. Shush. Scott?

1:22:59 Yeah.

1:23:00 Adam You're 31.

1:23:01 Caller Hey. All right. That was quick.

1:23:03 Adam All right.

1:23:03 Caller You guys get through the phone fast. My question is, I'm wondering, let's see, I'm interested in getting my wife a breast enlargement. Not a lot, just a little bit. She was looking really good before we had our children. Now she's starting to sag a little bit as we get a little bit older. I'm wondering about the long-term. I'm in this relationship for the long-term. I'm wondering what kind of health problems might be induced when you're older.

1:23:35 Drew First of all, the placement, it's a surgery, and surgery has inherent risks. Once you get a breast implant, you're sort of committing yourself to a long-term process. They can scar and they can move around and they can need revisions. It's not often a one-shot thing and that's the end of it. It's a commitment to a long-term process very often. As you know, there's a lot of press these days about this potential of silicone causing all sorts of autoimmune syndromes, though that's not been proven. That association is certainly there.

1:24:07 Adam Tell that to Dow, who's filed Chapter 11.

1:24:10 Drew Well, there's all kinds of literature out there about the difference between the scientific reality and the legal reality. It exists in a legal way, but it doesn't exist in a scientific way.

1:24:18 Adam It just came down. I think Dow owes like 3. something billion, billion, and they've now gone under.

1:24:27 Drew The first billion will go to the attorneys that try the case.

1:24:29 Adam Here's my wish. My wish is that by Dow Corning, the manufacturer of this product. By the way, where am I going to get my bathtub caulk now? See, I'm screwed.

1:24:44 Drew That's the point, the consumer loses.

1:24:45 Adam The point is, yes, here's my sincere wish. This Dow company, all they did was make these breast things and they still don't have any conclusive scientific evidence linking those to any of the crap these nut cases thought they got. And let me tell you something.

1:24:59 Drew By the way, some women are still getting silicone implants. They're opting for that.

1:25:03 Adam Well, cause they feel better.

1:25:05 Drew Yes.

1:25:06 Adam And, and. More realistic.

1:25:08 Drew Yeah.

1:25:08 Adam Yeah. Look at it this way. Women that get breast implants, not all of them, but majority, little unstable emotionally anyway. I'll think about that for a second. Another. But hold on a second. I'm not done. Here's what I hope. I hope the lawyers that represented the women in this class action suit. I hope they all come down with some sort of heart valve difficulty. And Dow is the company that would have manufactured the valve for them. And now they're all ass out of luck. They can take that billion dollars and go to Mexico for urine therapy and see if they can cure it. Because they put another big American company under. Filthy maggots.

1:25:50 Drew How about all the people that used to work for Dow? How do they work now?

1:25:53 Adam Good. I hope they get drunk and come over to your state and sodomize you. Stinking lawyers.

1:25:59 Caller All right.

1:26:00 Adam Three billion dollars.

1:26:01 Caller I was wondering about the emotional effect. My wife made a comment the other day that breasts are somewhat public property, you know, whenever a man looks at a woman he checks out her figure.

1:26:11 Drew Well, Scott, I believe that this whole issue is her business.

1:26:17 Caller It's her business, huh?

1:26:18 Drew Yeah, and not yours.

1:26:19 Caller Okay.

1:26:20 Drew Then you think they're beneficiary, and you turn to express your opinion, you're not completely...

1:26:25 Adam You can cast a vote.

1:26:26 Drew Yeah, you don't have... You're not a non-participant, but this is her thing. This is her body. This is whether she wants to do something like this. And I would strongly urge you not to be pressuring her to do something substantial like this with her body unless you're just supporting something that is spontaneously...

1:26:43 Caller Okay.

1:26:44 Drew Important to her.

1:26:45 Caller Okay. Another question is about breastfeeding. Is that not possible after a breast implant?

1:26:52 Drew I believe they still can.

1:26:53 Adam It is. That's what I hear.

1:26:55 Caller Not possible or not possible?

1:26:56 Drew No, they still can. I think it depends somewhat on the placement of the breast.

1:26:59 Adam No, it's possible.

1:27:00 Drew But it's possible, yeah.

1:27:02 Adam No, it's probable. They wouldn't do it otherwise.

1:27:04 Drew I think it depends on... Yeah. I think it depends somewhat on the placement, but yes, you can.

1:27:08 Adam Get the saline and don't worry about it. I don't think you could get the silicone anymore. Who's going to make that? Who's foolhardy enough to make that? It must make you sign 30 waivers before they put it in you.

1:27:20 Drew We just got that put in.

1:27:21 Adam Oh, God. Everybody wants something. Everyone wants to do it. Everyone just wants someone to pay their way. All right, Scott, get your wife those breasts.

1:27:30 Drew Do you remember when we were at Vanderbilt and that guy got up and asked that crazy question about his one testicle nutting or something? Didn't he sound like Scott? Do you remember that guy? Can you remember that?

1:27:40 Adam Drew, let me explain what your mind looks like and what my mind looks like. Your mind looks like where they shoot like a douche commercial.

1:27:51 Drew The Daisy Field.

1:27:52 Adam Daisy Field, young woman, 19, lily-white skin running through it and some sort of negligee that's blowing in the wind.

1:28:01 Drew I see. And your mind?

1:28:02 Adam My mind looks like a blimp shot of a figure eight dirt track. A smash up derby like in Ascot. Do you see what I'm saying? A lot of oil, transmission fluid. What you're saying is people drunken with their shirts off in the crowd, throwing beer at each other.

1:28:22 Drew But you were practicing your numbers here, I see. It's good. You made it all the way to 18. Yeah.

1:28:26 Adam Then I froze.

1:28:27 Drew You're writing down numbers.

1:28:28 Adam What's next? 20?

1:28:30 Drew What are you doing there?

1:28:31 Adam You know, I got to keep myself busy, Drew. Lynn?

1:28:35 Caller Yeah.

1:28:36 Adam You're 22.

1:28:37 Caller Yes, I am.

1:28:37 Adam What's going on? That comes after 21, you know.

1:28:40 Caller Very good.

1:28:41 Caller Thank you.

1:28:42 Adam Learn that from my numbers. Where was I? I'm going to work on my letters now. OK, go ahead.

1:28:48 Caller I've been dating this guy for about three months, and he doesn't seem to want to get into any kind of a physical relationship with me. Actually, my question is, I think he's gay, and I don't want that.

1:29:01 Drew That's a common conclusion that women make.

1:29:03 Adam It'd be nice for you, but I don't know.

1:29:05 Drew He may just not be into you. He doesn't want to get in so far that he has a commitment with you.

1:29:09 Caller Well, he actually was thinking seriously about marrying me, so I thought that he was into me.

1:29:15 Drew Is he a virgin?

1:29:16 Caller Yes.

1:29:18 Drew Wouldn't that make sense, then, that he wouldn't want to have sex if he wanted to maintain his virginity?

1:29:21 Caller Oh, I'm not talking about a sexual relationship.

1:29:24 Drew Oh, he doesn't touch you at all?

1:29:26 Caller Well, no. He'll hold my hand, but he hasn't kissed me. It's been three, he's 28, and he hasn't kissed anyone before. That's what he says. And I just think there's something a little different. He doesn't even want to.

1:29:40 Adam What is he, LDS?

1:29:42 Caller What?

1:29:43 Adam Latter-day Saints?

1:29:45 Caller Yes.

1:29:46 Adam Oh, he is? Hold on. Let me revel in my rightness for a second. Could I have a dollar?

1:29:52 Drew I don't have any ones.

1:29:53 Adam Well, don't take a five.

1:29:54 Drew I'll get all your dollars.

1:29:55 Adam No, I'll never see that dollar. All right. Thank you. I've just climbed the stairs and I'm shadow boxing.

1:30:02 Drew All right. So he has some sort of a social slash religious reason for being the way he is. And it's not unheard of for somebody that's of that persuasion to be that way.

1:30:14 Caller I think that being religious makes you not want to kiss a person.

1:30:18 Drew Some people really feel strongly about physical contact from that environment.

1:30:22 Caller I mean, they do.

1:30:25 Adam We all know if a guy's horny, though, he'll override whatever it is that was thrust in front of him in his sexuality and do it anyway, and then just go ahead and say some Hail Marys or do something later, or kill his victim or whatever it is. He'll do it. So this guy does not have the biology working.

1:30:47 Caller Doesn't seem that way.

1:30:48 Adam He's 28. Maybe he only got into the LDS because he was shut down.

1:30:53 Drew Is he on medication?

1:30:54 Caller I don't think so.

1:30:56 Adam Are you allowed to take medication when you're LDS?

1:30:59 Drew Yeah, you need to know this guy better. I mean, just find out more about him. You don't know if he's on medicine. You don't know. You need to talk to him. Why can't you talk to him?

1:31:07 Caller Why can't I?

1:31:08 Drew Why can't you talk to him?

1:31:09 Caller Oh, we talk. Well, actually-

1:31:11 Adam What do you talk about?

1:31:12 Caller He has a hard time being alone with me. Whenever we do things, we just go out and do things with all his friends.

1:31:17 Drew Spend some time alone and ask some questions.

1:31:19 Adam How many guys- Find out who this guy is. Are you a virgin?

1:31:22 Caller Yes.

1:31:22 Adam Oh, you are? What's your religion?

1:31:25 Caller I'm LDS also.

1:31:27 Adam Okay. Why was it so confusing when I said LDS the first time?

1:31:31 Caller I didn't hear you.

1:31:33 Adam Okay. All right. Well, Lynn, you're both LDS and you're both virgins, and that's good, right?

1:31:40 Caller Yeah.

1:31:40 Adam Okay. So just talk to him. Just because you're religious doesn't mean you can't communicate.

1:31:45 Drew Find out more about who is he? What does he want? Why is he the way he is? I mean, you've got to question the hell out of this guy. Somebody you want to be close to?

1:31:52 Caller He just says he doesn't feel comfortable kissing anybody.

1:31:57 Drew Why not?

1:31:59 Caller I tried to ask him that.

1:32:00 Adam Believe me, this guy's got some difficulties. Trust me.

1:32:05 Drew Something. For some reason.

1:32:06 Adam You may be LDS, but I'm BFD.

1:32:12 Drew All right.

1:32:12 Adam Yes.

1:32:13 All right.

1:32:13 Drew BFD.

1:32:14 All right.

1:32:15 Adam Believe me, I know something's up with this guy. This guy's 28. He won't kiss her.

1:32:20 Drew Won't be alone with her.

1:32:21 Adam Kissing is okay. And believe me, if this guy was hot for her, he'd be bringing it right up to the borderline.

1:32:27 Drew Yeah, but he was saying he wanted to marry her. Very strange stuff. Never been alone with her.

1:32:31 Adam Yeah, because he thinks he's going to kickstart himself. Listen, there's something wrong.

1:32:35 Drew Do you think he's gay?

1:32:40 Adam I don't know. See, I don't know if people embrace religion because it's a good excuse sometimes, because they're whacked out and confused about their sexuality. So here's an excuse to go ahead and be whacked out and confused about my sexuality. I'll just become a Jehovah's Witness. Or if this created it because it was there at such an early age. Hard to tell. All I know is if I ever go religion, I go Jew. Three hundred holidays a year, all the food you can eat, people hiding money in matzah. I mean on any religion where they hide money around the house. That's my thing. My folks wouldn't have made it a day being Jewish. They would have tossed their ass right out of the synagogue. I could see my dad, my mom and dad over talking to the rabbi. Yeah, we'd like to be Jewish. All right. You, sir, you got to hide money around the house. You got to get in the kitchen and cook. We're out. That's it. We thought it involved napping and blaming our pairs, but that's different. Oh, we got to stay together. We got to get the kid a bar mitzvah.

1:33:46 Caller We're out.

1:33:47 Adam Are you kidding? My parents made the world's worst juice. The bar mitzvah.

1:33:54 Caller Please.

1:33:55 Adam I could have never had a bar mitzvah. I celebrated my sister's birthday and my birthday were just celebrated together because we were born in the same... I was born at the end of May. She was born at the beginning of May. So, you know, birthday around the 15th, right? Save on cake.

1:34:09 Drew Really?

1:34:11 Adam Since the age of 10. Oh, yeah. Oh, and it wasn't even in May most times, like in June. No one in my family knows what anyone else's birthday is. I called my grandma a week ago. Hi, grandma. How are you doing? I'm just going to get some lunch. Did you call to wish me a happy birthday? Yeah. Yeah? I always go with yeah, by the way. Even if they did it like a week after that, go with yeah again. You can never be too safe with that. All right. Yeah. Let me just say hi to somebody. Lynn? Yeah.

1:34:44 Drew We talked a little bit.

1:34:45 Adam For Christ's sake. Jennifer? I gave a guy oral sex and he told everyone, should she seek revenge? No.

1:34:57 Caller No. No.

1:34:59 Adam Just move on. Just move on. Believe me.

1:35:01 Drew The more you make of it, the more they'll make of it.

1:35:02 Adam Don't talk about it. Just find a new guy and tell him to keep his mouth shut while your mouth is open next time. Michael. Michael's 12, weighs 200 pounds.

1:35:15 Caller Yeah.

1:35:16 Adam Really?

1:35:16 Caller Uh-huh.

1:35:17 Drew Hey, Mike, there are medical conditions that can be associated with excessive weight gain like Cushing's disease and even sometimes thyroid conditions. Make sure you have a medical evaluation before you try to diet or figure out what's going on, okay?

1:35:29 Caller All right.

1:35:29 Caller Well, I am Fabra's bipolar and ADD.

1:35:33 Drew What was the first thing? Fabra's?

1:35:34 Caller Yeah, Fabra's.

1:35:35 Adam Oh, boy. Do you want to talk to him off the air?

1:35:37 Drew Sure.

1:35:38 Adam Cushing's disease where he put on a bunch of weight?

1:35:40 Drew No, it's just Fabra's bipolar and ADD.

1:35:43 Adam You know what it's called when you're a bad female comedian and you have Cushing's? Whoopie Cushing's disease. Oh, that was good. That was good.

1:36:00 Caller W-E-B-N I bet you'll be here.

1:36:11 Adam I see now you jinxed it.

1:36:13 Drew You jinxed it by saying that I jinxed it.

1:36:15 Adam All right. Now, I don't even know where we're at in the jinxing order, but the point is, I want to thank the fabulous Lisa, the lovely Sherry for doing mediocre job tonight on the phones. I want to thank the Angular One, producer Anne for putting her feminine stink on the show.

1:36:33 Drew I'm sitting there.

1:36:33 Adam That feminine flair on the show, and of course the one that won the engineer mic for doing a wonderful job, doing whatever it is he does.

1:36:40 Caller I'm not sure.

1:36:43 Caller This has been LoveLine. The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of the staff or management or producers or directors or the advertising or anyone. They might be Bob's.

1:36:52 Caller I'm Bob and they're mine.

1:36:54 Caller The producer of LoveLine is Anne Wilkins. LoveLine is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

1:37:00 Caller We now turn you to your highly tested, regularly scheduled programming.

1:37:04 Caller Bye.

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Tuesday, July 14, 1998