Episode 1000754887886

0:03 Voiceover Love Line is meant for an adult audience. Love Line may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla.

0:13 Dr. Drew.

0:14 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

0:16 Love Line.

0:19 Voiceover Yeah, it is Love Line. I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191, fax number 310-854-4455.

0:30 Drew And it's a happy Thanksgiving.

0:31 Adam Dr. Drew is a board-certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. I'll be giving the cranberry recipe out a little bit later on tonight.

0:40 Drew A highlight.

0:41 Adam I made it tonight, Drew. I made the cranberries tonight.

0:44 Drew We are proud of you.

0:45 Adam Five minutes to heaven. That's what I tell the ladies, too.

0:50 Drew Let's talk to Ty for a second.

0:51 Adam Ty? Yeah. All right.

0:53 Drew Ty.

0:55 Hello?

0:55 Adam Ty, you're 14.

0:57 Caller Yeah.

0:57 Adam What's up?

0:58 Caller I made the cranberry recipe.

1:01 And it tastes crappy.

1:04 Drew It sucked, Adam.

1:05 Adam Ty. First off, what do you know? You're 14. Your taste buds haven't even developed yet. You live off of Abba Zabba and Mountain Dew. Now, what did you do? Tell me what you did.

1:18 Caller Well, I put the pack of cranberries in.

1:20 Adam All right. The sack of cranberries, right? Into like a regular pot that you make soup in.

1:26 Caller Yeah.

1:27 Adam All right. Then what?

1:28 Caller One cup of water and one cup of sugar.

1:30 Adam All right.

1:31 Caller And I let it come to a boil.

1:32 Drew My cup, it wasn't like a Popeye cup or something. It was like a measuring cup.

1:36 Adam Eight ounces. Yeah. Not the 64-ounce big gulp that you'd rinsed out in the sink earlier that day. All right. Yeah. You boiled it. You cooked it. Yeah.

1:48 Yeah. And then I strained it.

1:49 Adam Strained it?

1:50 Yeah. To get the pulp out.

1:52 Drew No. That's the stuff. That's the berries.

1:54 Adam Ty, what are you straining, brother?

1:56 Drew That's what you eat.

1:57 Adam All you're left with is cranberry pus at that point.

2:01 Drew Cranberry water.

2:02 Adam Ty, do you remember me explaining the straining technique at any point during the recipe last night?

2:09 No, but it tasted better.

2:12 Adam It tasted better minus the cranberries?

2:15 Yep.

2:16 Drew The cranberries are what you're supposed to use. That's what you eat.

2:19 Adam That's the part you put in your mouth, Ty. You understand?

2:23 Yeah.

2:24 Adam It's not a bay leaf. You know what I mean? It's cranberries, you goofball. Now go back and cook it like I told you.

2:31 Well, I fixed it up.

2:33 It tastes a little bit better now.

2:34 Adam Now what did you do? You poured the whole thing through like a sieve?

2:38 Yeah.

2:39 Drew Through a cauldron.

2:40 Adam And then you threw out the solid part?

2:43 Drew Yeah.

2:45 Adam Ty, do you smoke a lot of weed?

2:47 No.

2:48 Adam Listen to me, brother. What are you thinking? Come on, do it again. And this time, don't strain it, all right?

2:53 Drew But now at least you kind of know where the gelatin idea came from.

2:57 Adam Yeah.

2:57 Drew This is America's idea of cooking.

3:00 Adam I try to save these white trash hillbillies from themselves, Drew, and I can't. Even with my specific direction, I cannot save this country from itself.

3:10 Drew They need a can opener. That's it. Spam, cat food, cranberry sauce.

3:21 Adam Here is what I think you can do. You can, if it makes you feel better, cook the cranberries and just run the electric can opener in the background while you're cooking it.

3:30 Drew Or just kind of hold the-

3:32 Adam That'll put them at ease. Yeah, just hold the can opener. JP? Yeah. Rub it like a rosary. You're 20. What's going on?

3:41 Caller Yes. Call because my girlfriend is on birth control. It's kind of got her thick. She took it for about two years already.

3:50 Drew Got her thick?

3:52 Caller She's kind of chubby.

3:54 Drew Chubby.

3:55 Adam I see. She puts some weight on, yeah?

3:57 Caller Yeah. That happens, doesn't it?

3:59 Drew Yeah.

4:00 Adam That can.

4:01 Caller She's worried she wants to get off it to lose that weight, but she's scared she don't want to come out pregnant.

4:06 Adam She needs to get on another pill.

4:07 Drew We want to try a different pill.

4:09 Caller Another pill?

4:10 Drew Different type of birth control pill.

4:11 Caller I was thinking is it possible for her to get off the pill completely and after having sex to take the 24-hour pill?

4:20 Drew The morning after pill?

4:22 Caller Yeah.

4:22 Drew No. It's not meant to be used as a contraception. That's an emergency backup measure.

4:28 Adam How much weight does she put on?

4:30 Caller Well, she's like about 20 pounds.

4:33 Adam It's probably not because of the pill.

4:35 Drew Not just.

4:36 Caller She's the same weight. Hadn't lost it or nothing. What? She's having lost that pill. I mean, she's having lost that weight. It's been the same.

4:45 Adam Yeah. But what does she eat? Does she work out?

4:49 Caller She doesn't eat a lot. Nothing. All right.

4:51 Adam Well, see if she can get to tell her that Drew said she should look into switching to another pill.

4:59 Drew Another brand. Maybe a little less estrogen, maybe triphasic. There's other ones that are less likely to cause this.

5:06 Adam And maybe it's her eating those sugar pills in between in the days off.

5:10 Drew That's a very high calorie.

5:12 Adam Yeah. Yeah. That could be doing it, Drew. What do you think? Jeff?

5:16 Yes.

5:16 Adam You're 23.

5:17 Caller Yes, I am.

5:18 Adam What's up?

5:20 Caller Well, I'm not exactly sure how to explain it. My wife, we met about four years ago, well, about four and a half, and we got together after seven, eight months. Sex wasn't that great when we got together. You know, she wasn't too... I know she had been raped when she was younger, and, you know, sex wasn't... She wasn't really open sexually. And towards the middle of our marriage, over the last two years, you know, it's built up and she's become more adventurous, and trying some more oral sex and anal exploration and all that stuff. But here lately, it's died back down, and I'm not really sure what I could do to help bring it back up to a new level.

6:06 Drew What's bothering her? What's been bugging her lately?

6:10 Caller Well, I'm gone a lot. That's one thing. I'm at work a lot and trying to build a business.

6:16 Drew Well, that might be it.

6:17 Adam She may be a little resentful.

6:19 Drew Or just disconnected, if people need to feel secure, and if they feel the slightest bit abandoned by you, that can trigger a lot of fantasies.

6:27 Adam Yeah, well...

6:28 Drew If she... Did something happen during when she was really young? Or did someone die?

6:32 Caller No, I believe she was in her early teens. She doesn't talk about it much.

6:35 Drew Well, something happened before that, we would suspect. And anything... Do you know anything about her family of origin?

6:43 Caller A little bit. A little bit. I don't know any real deep personal stuff, no.

6:48 Drew It's your wife.

6:51 Caller Well, I mean, I know a lot, enough I know about all of her family and her mother being married before and her dad dying when she was really young.

6:58 Drew Well, didn't I just say that somebody died when she was young?

7:00 Caller Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't hear that.

7:01 Drew Yeah. Those are the abandonment feelings that she is very sensitive about.

7:06 Adam Yeah.

7:07 Drew And that's why your being away makes her just completely shut down for fear you're going to leave.

7:11 Adam Women are really weird sexually. It's like there's some sort of brainwork involved or something.

7:18 Drew You and I had a talk about this last night.

7:20 Adam Yeah.

7:20 Drew That a woman, how do we describe this? A man is sexual separate from everything else.

7:27 Adam Right.

7:27 Drew Earthquakes, losses.

7:30 Adam Locusts.

7:30 Drew Locusts. Heart attacks, emotional breakdowns.

7:35 Adam Well what a man, what we were talking about I believe in one of our many trips back from the bathroom.

7:41 Drew He was a bathroom talker.

7:42 Adam Yeah. Staggering back from the bathroom after last night's devastation.

7:47 Drew Misadventure.

7:49 Adam Somebody really destroyed that bathroom last night. Someone got to the bottom of that. But the point is is Drew and I are walking back. I don't know why what we're talking about. We got on to women and what's attractive to them. And how a woman can take a guy who they're very physically attracted to and a week later be almost disgusted by him or the thought of being intimate with him would be a horrible thought.

8:16 Drew Yeah, a guy, if a guy is really physically attracted.

8:20 Adam Once you've decided that a woman is attractive and that you're attracted to her, you're in. I mean, you may not want to marry her. You may not want to talk to her. But sexually, you're in.

8:33 Drew Period.

8:34 Adam Period. She could make an attempt on your life. You could, you know, your dog could run up to her and she could boot it across the room. And you just kicked the dog too. So you probably had it coming. The dog tried to block your path to the bedroom, honey. I don't blame you for kicking the dog. It's amazing. I think we're smarter that way. I really do.

8:56 Drew We're certainly more sort of detached. We're not affected by the milieu.

9:01 Adam We would make better referees.

9:04 Drew Reproducers.

9:05 Adam Well, I'm just saying we can separate ourselves. We can separate someone's attractiveness from them. You know what I mean?

9:13 Drew So scary. It's so true.

9:15 Adam You know what I was just thinking about when this guy called and he said, you know, my wife, well, she was raped when she was younger and it seems like every second caller was raped. I was thinking, you know, if I have a daughter, so she's not raped by, you know, some stranger in some horrible situation.

9:30 Drew Just have a friend do it?

9:31 Adam I'm going to have a professional rape her. It's like, you know, 13th, 14th birthday. Listen, honey, you know, you're going to get raped at one time or another. I've hired Dick Garvin here.

9:45 Drew The rapist.

9:46 Adam He's a professional rapist. Dick, yeah, that's my daughter. And he wears a condom. He's very gentle. He's raped many times before. He's never had any complaints. You two are going to go out to his van. I'll be on the porch smoking and, you know, don't worry. Just any, if there's any problems, I'll be there and we'll just, we'll just get this out of the way. You think there'd be some kind of profession for, you know, professional rapists?

10:15 Drew Yeah, speaking about how guys detach from things, it would be a pretty good, someone who could, sort of, application pool for that job, I suspect, matter of fact.

10:22 Adam Yeah, I mean, you don't want some drunken, drugged-up, herpetic, 19-year-old who just got laid off from his job at the batting cage or the sod farm coming in and raping your daughter. You want a professional. A man who's clean, a man with credentials. You could follow up on his resume, you know, call up some sources. What do they call that when you give some contacts on your resume, you know?

10:53 Drew Yeah.

10:54 Adam Yeah, references. You call up.

10:56 Drew Do diligence.

10:56 Adam You call them up. How was Dick? He raped your daughter? Uh-huh. He was a total professional? He was a total gentleman? Okay. Thank you. In his prices? Reasonable?

11:10 You are the worst human being I have ever met.

11:15 Adam Ross?

11:16 Yeah.

11:16 Adam You are 19.

11:18 Right.

11:18 Adam See, what I do with the rapists is the same thing I do with the house painters. I throw out the low bid and the high bid. All right. When some guy is charging 500 bucks, and then some guy comes in and says he'll do it for a six-pack.

11:31 Caller Yeah.

11:32 Adam I don't trust that guy. Right. You are not going to get a good raping.

11:35 Caller Right.

11:35 Adam But I go for the one about $175, $200.

11:38 Drew Ross, it's best just not to say anything. Don't agree. Just don't say anything.

11:42 Caller OK, I won't.

11:42 Drew OK, let's go.

11:44 Adam And a company I can trust. You know, like on the side of Vanna says, like, raping since 1952, or tradition, a tradition of rapists.

11:54 Drew Speaking of the side of trucks, have you noticed the Culver City Meatpacking Company down the street here? The trucks that sit out there every night?

12:01 Adam You can't beat our meat? No, come on, Drew. That's money. Ross?

12:06 Caller Yeah.

12:07 Adam All right, go ahead, sorry.

12:09 Caller Well, I've met a girl and we've been-

12:14 Adam Hold on, raping the Valley and Southland area since 1971 or something like that?

12:21 Drew Yeah, perfect.

12:22 Adam Okay. Sorry, go ahead.

12:23 Caller All right. Anyway, I met this girl like two weeks ago, and the problem is she's been dating a guy for the past three years, and she refers to the relationship or the guy is like a three-year relationship.

12:40 Drew Since she's been dating for three years, that's reasonable?

12:42 Caller Yeah.

12:43 Adam Would you like to be like two and a half years?

12:46 Drew Why is that considered bizarre?

12:47 Caller Well, because she doesn't like say he's a good boyfriend, it's just like a three-year relationship. We've been very fond of each other and nothing's happened. I mean, we've slept together like not sex, just sleeping. She calls me and stuff and I'm just wondering, you know, am I gonna, I really am starting to like her.

13:07 Adam And starting.

13:09 Drew Well, you're in the bullpen.

13:12 Caller She's just like...

13:13 Adam All right, hold on, Ross. How old is she?

13:15 Caller She's 19.

13:16 Adam She's been with this guy since she was 16?

13:18 Caller I guess.

13:19 Drew And what does she say is the problem with this guy?

13:21 Caller Well, he's like, doesn't listen to her and blah, blah, blah, you know? And he's a nice guy and he's fun. And then it's like his good qualities and his bad qualities equal out. He's got three of each, you know?

13:35 Adam Right.

13:36 Caller And she thinks I'm wonderful and stuff and says she really likes me.

13:39 Adam Where does he live? Is he in the neighborhood?

13:42 Caller Yeah.

13:43 Adam How often do they see each other?

13:45 Caller About every weekend, but...

13:46 Adam Where does she live? Does she live on her own or at home?

13:50 Caller She lives in a dorm. She goes to school.

13:52 Drew Does she want to see him more than she does?

13:54 Caller What?

13:54 Drew Does she wish to see him more than she's able?

13:57 Caller This other guy? Yeah. I don't know. She spends more time with me than she does with him.

14:02 Adam Right. But there's nothing physical going on with you two.

14:05 Caller No, no. I mean...

14:06 Adam Well, how did the sleeping together part come to be?

14:09 Caller You know, I asked her to come over and watch a movie, and we got the hugging and stuff. I didn't want her to drive home because there's bad weather, and I wanted to look out for her and be a nice guy, and so I let her sleep over, I mean, on the couch.

14:24 Adam Right, but you're hugging.

14:26 Caller Yeah.

14:26 Adam All right. Hey, Ross?

14:27 Caller Yeah.

14:28 Adam Listen, you got to make your move.

14:30 Caller You think so? I don't know if I should, you know...

14:32 Adam Oh, what do you care? What are you doing otherwise?

14:35 Caller What?

14:36 Adam Why? Why not?

14:37 Caller Well, you know, I just don't want to screw, like... I don't want to be like the gear in her, like... I mean, the wrench in her gears, you know, and she's got a three-year relationship, and I don't want her to, like...

14:45 Drew And she's just a freshman in college now?

14:48 Caller Yeah.

14:48 Drew And this is what...

14:49 Adam She's winding down with this thing.

14:51 Drew Yeah, it's what freshman in college do, is you try to establish a relationship without... in your new peer environment.

14:56 Adam Yeah. Although Ross is hanging around too long, and that'll hurt his stock. You know what I mean?

15:01 Drew Yeah, he's getting... She is fighting him out of Friendville, and he's insistent on going there.

15:06 Adam Yeah. It's important.

15:08 Drew He's like batting down the door into Friendville.

15:10 Adam Right. He can't be kept out. It's like they pulled the drawbridge up, but he's got himself a pole, and he's going to try to make the moat, you know? Yeah, I don't know what kind of thinking that is. And listen, you can't hang out with women too long, because you become a human being, and then that becomes weird. Better that you just have some sort of mysterious mystique.

15:33 Drew It might be he's knocked that into her, too. You know what I mean? He's sort of ambivalent, so he doesn't want to be responsible.

15:39 Adam No, he's into her. Anne?

15:41 Yes.

15:41 Adam You're 25.

15:42 Caller Yes. What's up?

15:45 I understand that you made a comment about my sister the other night on...

15:48 Adam Damn right I did. She had it coming.

15:51 Something about her being a librarian that could be a porn star.

15:55 Drew You know, you're Barbara's sister?

15:57 Yes, I'm Barbara's sister.

15:58 Adam Oh, over at garagedoor.com or something?

16:01 Drew garage.com. First of all, please say for me hello to Barbara. Will you, please?

16:06 Definitely. She sent me an email at work, and I thought, what is going on?

16:11 Drew Well, he meant that's an Adam compliment.

16:14 No, I completely understand that, but I wanted to get the full story because I missed it.

16:17 Drew Oh, man.

16:18 Adam Well, okay. What happened is, this is horrible radio.

16:22 Drew No, it's not.

16:22 Adam It isn't?

16:23 Drew If you're embarrassed, it's interesting.

16:24 Adam No, I'm not embarrassed.

16:25 Caller You should be.

16:27 Adam Why?

16:28 Drew It's one awkward thing.

16:29 Caller Why? You don't know.

16:31 Adam It's Aunt's sister.

16:31 Caller I think it's great saying that about my sister because knowing her, I mean, this is just, that's the opposite.

16:37 Adam Okay, here's what happened. Drew had the coming out party, the launch party for the drdrew.com at the very chic and fashionable Sky Bar about six weeks ago. Okay. Two months, yeah. This thing was quite a to-do. Bill Maher was there and a few other celebrities. I don't like people.

17:00 Caller Okay.

17:02 Drew Well, in case you had to know.

17:03 Adam Let's be fair, I don't like folks.

17:04 Caller All right.

17:05 Adam And it's a more down home and humble way of describing my disposition. So when I got to the party, the Sky Bar is real nice. I grabbed a drink and made for the corner and sat down as far away as I could from everybody except for what that turned into is everyone coming over to me and then I just sort of held court in the corner when I was trying to get drunk.

17:26 Drew Yes, Your Royal Highness.

17:28 Adam Well, I just wanted to just go away and be left alone because we'd done a bunch of TV shows that day and I just wanted to catch my breath but everyone came over and your sister was one of the people that came over and I was talking to her for a few minutes and she was-

17:43 Caller Did she know who you were or did she just-

17:47 Adam I think she knew who I was. Otherwise, I don't know why she would come up and start talking to me but no one came up and talked to me before I had a TV show. That's what I'm going on. When I went and sat in the corner, I stayed in the corner.

18:03 Drew Before?

18:04 Adam Before, yes. Anyway, your sister came up and she was talking to me and the sister is this sporty glasses toten hair bun wearing with the-

18:16 Caller No makeup.

18:18 Adam No makeup?

18:19 No makeup at all. She never wears makeup.

18:20 Adam Really? She looked like she had some on. That's a compliment. She's wearing a business skirt. I like that business look on a woman. I really do. I think that's a hot look when the woman is wearing the blazer and the skirt. I don't like it when women are slutted out. I don't like that Pam Anderson look. I like that look of, boy, I bet there's something going on underneath that blazer.

18:46 Caller Right.

18:47 Adam I don't need a push on my face. Your sister had that, well, like I said, she looked like a stripper from a- Well, she looked like a secretary in a porn movie.

18:57 Caller Okay.

18:57 Adam Like something was going to happen.

18:59 Caller Okay.

19:00 Adam So I thought she was going to take her clothes off, or undo her bun and throw her hair around, and then whip her glasses off, and then kick one of her heels into the pool or something.

19:08 It was more like a fantasy you were having while at the Sky Bar.

19:12 Adam No, she did that.

19:13 No, she didn't.

19:14 Adam No, she didn't. She didn't do that. Then she proceeded to talk to me about business for 10 minutes, and she's a real dynamo, this one too. Yes. What's her name?

19:25 Caller Barbara.

19:26 Adam Barbara, yes. She really can talk business, and then the Internet, and then she wanted me to get a website or something, and I told her I was going to throw her in the pool because I don't like the idea of Drew having a website. I don't want one. Anyway, she was a very delightful young lady, and then Drew came by and said she was delightful too.

19:48 Caller Yes, she is.

19:49 Adam Then he said he nailed her, I think, in the bathroom. No, no, he didn't say that. Anything he said he wanted to.

19:57 Caller Okay.

19:57 Well, the quote I got was, oh yeah, that librarian who could be a porn star.

20:01 Adam Yeah. She's got it going on. How old is she?

20:04 Caller She is 29.

20:05 Adam Wow. She's good. Now, what's up with you?

20:08 Caller I was just calling in just to find out what happened.

20:11 Adam I mean, what do you look like?

20:13 I'm taller than Barbara.

20:15 Adam Wow.

20:16 So she's about, what, 5'4?

20:18 Adam I don't care. Whatever it was. I was sitting down. She got quite a build on her.

20:23 Yes.

20:23 Adam And very petite. You look anything like her?

20:27 Maybe a little bit in the face.

20:29 Caller The eyes.

20:30 Adam How about the boobs?

20:32 I'm probably larger than her.

20:34 Caller Oh. Nice rack. How's the ass?

20:39 Adam What do you do for a living?

20:40 Caller I'm actually a teacher. I teach kindergarten.

20:42 Adam Wow.

20:43 Drew Oh my God.

20:43 Adam Do you have that same sort of stripper secretary look?

20:49 Caller Yeah. Hair up in a bun sometimes.

20:51 Adam Yeah. That's good. All right.

20:54 Caller Not always, but I was just calling.

20:55 Adam Your dad must be miserable with you two running around.

20:58 Caller No.

20:59 Not at all.

21:00 Adam All right.

21:00 Caller But I just wanted to check. Thank you.

21:01 Caller I appreciate it.

21:02 And I'll tell Barbara you said hi.

21:03 Adam Please. Please do.

21:04 Caller All right. Thanks.

21:05 Drew All right.

21:05 Adam What does she do again?

21:07 Drew She, I don't know what her precise title is, but she is a mover up there at garage.com. She's the reason I have a website basically.

21:14 Adam Let me tell you what's wrong with women.

21:15 Drew She started that whole thing going on.

21:16 Adam Women in business, Drew. Most of them are just slouches. You know, they sort of hang out, bat their eye, lashes and that kind of thing. But once in a while, you find one who's really doing her job. And the problem is, they do it too well. They overcompensate. You know what I'm saying?

21:36 Drew They make guys look bad. Yeah, the guys have to hustle to keep up.

21:40 Adam They can't shut down. They can't turn it off.

21:42 Drew What's wrong with that?

21:43 Adam It's annoying.

21:44 Drew Yeah, because you have to hustle to keep up.

21:46 Adam Yeah, I don't like that. I'd rather just quit. I don't try to compete. I just stop. All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Jordan. Jordan is 12. Her stepdad scares her.

21:59 Drew That's not what I put up there.

22:01 Adam What isn't? Oh, sorry. We'll talk to Steve then. Steve's 19. His stepdad scares him. No. Steve, he and his girlfriend are trying vampire stuff in the bedroom. We'll get to the bottom of that after this. All right, it is the Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew. Man Show, going to be the big Thanksgiving, extravaganza coming up in about five minutes.

22:54 Drew When is my episode going to be on?

22:55 Adam Fabulous.

22:56 Drew Did you hit the cutting room floor?

22:57 Adam Comedy Central, 10.30.

23:00 Drew When is my episode going to be on?

23:02 Adam You're in the Practical Joke episode.

23:04 Drew Okay.

23:05 Adam Drew plays a proctologist, a lovely cameo, and that should be soon, very soon. Let's see, we got Thanksgiving and then maybe the next week, The Woman Show is coming up too.

23:18 Drew That is funny.

23:19 Adam That's an episode.

23:20 Drew That was funny.

23:21 Adam All right. Well, I'll give you a tape of your episode, by the way, Drew. Phone number, 1-800-

23:26 Drew Something I never want to forget.

23:28 Adam Cherish it always. Shut up. 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, and we'll hop back on the phones here. Again, stand by for that cranberry recipe coming up soon. Steve?

23:40 Hey, yeah.

23:41 Adam You're 19.

23:42 Caller Yeah.

23:42 Adam Okay. So you and your girlfriend want to try some vampire stuff in the bedroom?

23:46 Caller Well, we've already tried it. Actually, I just have a few comments to make real quick. I got to say, I hold you too in the highest regards.

23:54 Drew However?

23:55 Caller Well, what you do for America's youth is just brilliant, and you should really get commended.

24:00 Adam Thank you. Hold on a second. Drew, what is, man, you know, you don't even hear yourself with your loud personality flaws, with the, someone can't give you a compliment without you going however.

24:12 Drew That was supposed to be-

24:13 Adam You do it every time.

24:14 Drew Because almost every time-

24:15 Adam No, it is not true. Just sit back and suck it up.

24:19 Drew All right.

24:20 Adam All right. He didn't have a however.

24:21 Drew He didn't, and I was going to thank him for that.

24:23 Adam All right, but don't interrupt people's compliments with your however, because that's my compliment you crapped on too. Now I got to get him to do it again. Steve, deliver that compliment again. Sorry.

24:34 Caller I hold you too in the highest respects. You do so much for today's society. It's amazing.

24:39 Adam Thank you.

24:40 Caller A compliment directed towards you, Adam. The Man Show rocks. I love it.

24:44 Adam Well, you can watch it in three minutes.

24:46 Caller I hope so. And you guys got to get out here in Las Vegas.

24:49 Drew Yeah. We've been on the point or the edge or something out there.

24:54 Caller I don't know. I just moved here. I used to listen to you from the old town I am. I get here, search the radio stations. There's nothing. I get depressed, almost suicidal.

25:01 Adam That is an outrage.

25:03 Caller It is.

25:04 Adam You sure we're not on in Vegas?

25:05 Drew I don't think so right now.

25:07 Adam All right.

25:07 Drew Check it out. Write in your local somebody.

25:11 Adam Send a cover letter to all FM stations. All right, Steve. So what's going on with the vampireism?

25:17 Caller Well, my girlfriend and I, about the last two times we've had sex, have kind of went into a little vampire stuff where we're like, what the hell is that?

25:31 Drew Somebody sucking on a giant straw next to you or?

25:34 Caller I don't know. That didn't come from me.

25:36 Adam Okay. So you get, yeah.

25:39 Caller She'd take like a small knife, pocket knife or whatever, and like cut herself like below her neck, above her breast.

25:45 Drew Oh boy.

25:46 Caller And I did the same thing. And we've just found it really erotic and sensual, but my main concerns is besides AIDS, what are the dangers of this?

25:57 Drew Scarring?

25:58 Adam Hepatitis?

25:59 Drew I mean, you're exposing each other directly to blood, right?

26:04 Adam Yeah. The real danger is you two nut jobs could have kids. I mean, that's the real danger here. Drew may not be saying anything, but he's nodding inside.

26:14 Drew I'm just saying, do you see your character flaws shining through here? This poor guy that's trying to give you a compliment here, just dumping all over him?

26:19 Adam Oh, shut up.

26:21 Drew Listen, blood borne diseases obviously can be exchanged, which is things you don't think about like CMV. And it's very strange, blood borne diseases out there. But I'm more concerned with why you would want to do that, why you'd find erotic, what other sorts of bizarre activities might get into, whether this is fetish and might this be taking you away from your relationship, or is this really a manifestation of cutting? Is she a cutter and this sort of releases something for her? Is she an addict?

26:47 Adam As we always say, things don't exist in a vacuum. There's something else at work here.

26:52 Drew There's just more at work here. It's less of a concern about infectious disease, more of a concern about what's up and what the need for all this is.

27:00 Adam Yeah.

27:01 Drew Where you're going next.

27:02 Adam We talk about this every night. For me, if this was my girlfriend and she was cutting on herself, the part that would concern me the least was the actual cutting. The part that concerned me the most is the part that's being motivated, the part that makes her want to cut.

27:19 Drew But let me finish the blood-borne disease. Hepatitis C, HIV, Hepatitis B, CMV, EBV, all the viral-borne diseases.

27:25 Adam They're BFD. Jean?

27:28 Caller Yes.

27:28 Adam You're 17?

27:30 Caller Yes.

27:31 Drew Ehrlichiosis.

27:32 Adam Oh, Jesus. Go ahead, Jean.

27:34 Caller Yeah. I'm wondering, shall I come out to my parents? I mean, not on Thanksgiving, of course, but there'll just be a hell of a fiasco, but I could not do that.

27:43 Adam About being gay?

27:45 Caller Yes.

27:46 Adam Um, are you sure you're gay? You sound a little too gay to be gay.

27:51 Caller I'm sure. I felt like this ever since I was little.

27:54 Caller Mm-hmm.

27:55 Adam Do you have a boyfriend?

27:56 Caller No.

27:57 Caller Hmm.

27:58 Caller I think...

27:59 Caller That'd be kind of hard to hide, though.

28:01 Adam I think your parents... First off, here's the angle I would work if they're gonna get upset. Mom, dad, I'm gay, but before you get mad at me, think about naming me Gene. You know what I mean? I mean, you had to know. You know, they're at least 60% responsible for this. I would put it back on them. You know what I'm saying? If they named you Chuck or, you know, Duke.

28:33 Caller Well, it's not spelled J-E-A-N.

28:36 Adam Doesn't matter.

28:37 Drew Hey, listen, Gene.

28:39 Caller Yeah?

28:40 Drew What's the, first of all, what's your need for this? What's the hurry? What's the intent?

28:44 Caller Well, it's not a hurry. I just don't want to hurt my parents, but I think they might already know.

28:48 Drew Okay, why then? If you believe this is gonna hurt them, which I doubt that it really will, frankly.

28:54 Really?

28:55 Adam I think they know.

28:56 Drew I think they know.

28:56 Adam Jean, do you talk to your parents?

28:58 Caller Yeah.

28:58 Adam They know.

28:59 Drew And so what's the hurry? Why not wait till you're sort of away, they get a clear idea of who you are with your parents, college, this kind of thing, and you're just sort of established away from them.

29:10 Caller All my friends are telling me to go ahead and do it.

29:12 Drew Are your friends all gay?

29:13 Caller No.

29:14 Adam No, they just want a good laugh.

29:16 Drew Why would they? Why do they care?

29:17 Adam Let's see your dad blow a stack. You're 17. You're a senior in high school?

29:22 Caller No, freshman in college.

29:23 Drew Oh, you're already in college. I see. You're away?

29:25 Caller No, I wasn't able to get into a four-year college with my age.

29:31 Drew I see. If he was 16, what was he doing?

29:32 Adam Wow. One of those rare gay geniuses.

29:35 Caller I skipped a year in school and I was born on September 9th.

29:38 Adam Okay. So, Gene, why don't you do this? Why don't you wait till you move out of the house and go away to college and then tell them? Just in case they spaz out.

29:47 Drew I don't think they're going to spaz out. All right.

29:49 Adam Do you think they're going to spaz out?

29:51 Caller I don't know.

29:52 Adam Are they religious?

29:54 Caller Well, my mom is, but she's not fanatical.

29:56 Adam What does your dad do for a living?

29:58 Caller He owns a machinery shop.

30:00 Adam Oh, no, no, no. Don't say anything. Are you adopted?

30:05 Caller No. I did come from donor insemination, though.

30:08 Adam From what?

30:08 Caller Michael Jacobson.

30:09 Adam What? He came from some kind of...

30:13 Caller The guy who inseminated all these kids with his own sperm in Arlington, Virginia.

30:16 Adam The doctor?

30:17 Caller Yes.

30:19 Adam You're one of them?

30:20 Caller Yes.

30:20 Adam So you're not from your dad's loins?

30:23 Caller No.

30:23 Adam No, I know. Because the guy has a machine shop. You can have a gay son when you own like a tool and die manufacturing place?

30:30 Caller No. He mainly works on Detroit diesels.

30:33 Adam Yeah. There's no... No. Yeah. I knew there was a discrepancy here. So, Gene? The good news is, is you're not chewing tobacco, wearing your hat backwards, and working on diesel engines yourself, which is what you'd be doing if the doctor didn't use his seed to make you. You got that gay doctor sperm.

30:55 Caller Okay. And another...

30:57 Adam Wait a minute. Hold on a second. Okay. This is getting a little bizarre here. What Gene is telling us is that his dad is a diesel mechanic or his dad is a machinist, his mom's religious, but that he is a product of artificial insemination. And there was a case, I remember hearing about some years ago, where a doctor, I guess in Virginia, he said, took his sperm and used it instead of the sperm that was donated or given by the fathers in the insemination process.

31:35 Drew I think it was instead of sperm bank sort of random or something.

31:40 Adam It's a really bizarre and interesting story. And I'd be interested in what Gene knows about it. Gene?

31:49 Caller Yeah.

31:50 Adam What do you know about that story?

31:51 Caller Well, I know that I have about 150 half brothers and sisters and that he did scam my mother and make her think that she was pregnant.

32:00 Adam OK, so let me just get to the, let me, let's just dissect this because it's very interesting. Your mother and your father were having trouble conceiving?

32:10 Caller Yes. My mother's uterus was bad and my father had no sperm count.

32:14 Drew No sperm. OK, so he went to this fertility person.

32:18 Caller He exposed radiation and the baby.

32:19 Adam That's right.

32:20 Drew He went to this fertility person and he said, here, we'll get some sperm from the sperm bank.

32:24 Caller Excuse me?

32:25 Drew And he alleged.

32:25 Adam They went to this, they went to this specialist, the doctor.

32:29 Caller Yes.

32:30 Adam And he said he would inseminate your mother with sperm from the sperm bank.

32:35 Caller It didn't go like that. They would give my father fertility drugs, my mother fertility drugs. And they went to all this for about four years. And then my mom had, I think it was like five miscarriages. And then she had me.

32:53 Adam And where did she receive the sperm for you?

32:58 Drew How did that happen?

32:59 Caller Dr. Cecil Jacobson.

33:00 Drew No, no. How did that happen? If she was not...

33:03 Adam Oh, Jesus Christ.

33:04 Drew Come on, Gene, think about it.

33:06 Caller I don't understand what you mean.

33:07 Drew All you've told us so far is that your mom and your dad took fertility drugs.

33:11 Caller Oh, yeah.

33:12 Adam How did your mom get pregnant with someone else's sperm?

33:15 Caller It didn't work with fertility drugs with my father.

33:17 Drew Yeah.

33:18 Caller So she did finally have to go in for the donor insemination.

33:21 Drew And where was the donor...

33:22 Adam Hold on. What is it with our callers that they just go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, here's how it goes. And then they go right up to the point where it's my question. And then they stop. And then I have to re-ask my question.

33:33 Drew Yes.

33:34 Adam Are you sure you got into college early or did they just throw you out of high school?

33:39 Caller No, I got into college early.

33:42 Drew What did, where did she think the sperm was coming from?

33:45 Caller She didn't know. Then they didn't know, but.

33:47 Drew Was it supposed to have been a sperm bank?

33:49 Caller Yes. My mother had.

33:50 Adam We were there 20 minutes ago, you idiot. All right, so now your mom is pregnant with sperm that comes from an anonymous donor.

34:01 Drew Allegedly, yeah.

34:02 Adam Allegedly, an anonymous donor, and as it turns out, it's the sperm of the doctor who was working with her.

34:12 Caller Yes.

34:12 Adam Yes, and he's done this many, many times.

34:14 Drew 150 times.

34:16 Adam Yeah, and is he in jail now?

34:18 Caller Yes, in Salt Lake City.

34:20 Adam Okay. How fitting. So you are the product of that.

34:26 Caller Yes.

34:26 Adam So you have your mother's genes.

34:29 Caller Yes, I look just like her.

34:30 Adam But as far as your machine shop, ex-Navy genes of dads, you don't have that. You got the mad scientist genes. And that's what got you into college a couple years early.

34:44 Caller Well, I guess so because all of his children are extremely musically talented.

34:49 Adam What's?

34:50 Caller Well, I play organ and piano. Oh, yeah.

34:52 Adam That's right. We knew that.

34:54 Drew Somebody's got to study these kids. Isn't that interesting? See what genetic characteristic sort of remain.

34:59 Adam Right.

35:00 Drew 150 moms.

35:01 Adam Yeah. Oh my God. All right. So Gene.

35:04 Drew Yes. What was this guy thinking? Well, I don't know.

35:07 Caller They believe that it was because he didn't want to pay the extra money.

35:10 Drew I believe that was probably what was motivating it. But imagine the sort of what other weird fantasies he might have.

35:15 Adam But he's like jacking all the way to the bank.

35:17 Caller Well, they say he would split the ejaculate six different times.

35:22 Adam I tried that once when I was homesick from school in the 10th grade, went for six.

35:27 What happened?

35:28 Adam A calf cramp. Hey, Gene? Yeah? All right, listen here, brother. Why don't you tell your parents then, because that's what you want to do? I would suggest you give it another year, go off to college. And in case they don't take it well, you don't have to sleep under the same roof with them that particular night.

35:50 Drew And just examine why it is you need to tell them, if you're so concerned how this news is going to affect them. Wow. Forget it. If they're going to spin out, forget it.

35:58 Adam I knew we didn't come from machine shop genes. See that?

36:02 Drew I mean, as you become an adult, they will be, I think, more accepting of who you are. We need to go to break.

36:06 Adam Oh, yeah. We're going to take a break. I'm going to go watch a main show. We'll be back after this.

36:11 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

36:15 Adam Well, it's worth hearing. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOV-E-191. And I think we're gonna hop back on the phone here, speak to Becky.

37:01 Yes.

37:02 Adam Becky, you're 23.

37:03 Caller Uh-huh.

37:04 Adam What's up?

37:04 Drew Mm-mm, Campbell?

37:06 Caller I was just wondering if my husband has cheated on me once. You know, I mean, like there was no intercourse, but they did other things.

37:16 Adam There's no intercourse?

37:17 Caller No.

37:18 Adam Why? He didn't tell you about that?

37:20 Drew That's why.

37:21 Caller No, there wasn't. They both told me.

37:23 Drew Oh, of course. You would rely upon their, the honesty of those two's input, understanding why you'd rely on that story.

37:30 Caller Wow.

37:31 Caller Oh, my God.

37:32 Drew Completely trustworthy and...

37:34 Adam Okay. How did you find out?

37:35 Drew Showing great care for your feelings.

37:37 Caller Well, I found out from one of my family members who told me, and then I slowly started hearing more of the story, and I guess they were doing some oral things, and he figured out that that's not what he wanted, and he stopped it.

37:57 Drew Oh, Becky, please. Please.

38:01 Adam Let's see. Either he couldn't get it up or her boyfriend showed up. Or Becky found out. Or he just did it.

38:09 Drew He had to try it a few times to see if it was what he wanted to understand, Adam.

38:13 Adam Right. Okay.

38:14 Drew This was not a one time thing.

38:15 Adam Don't be so condescending now. Becky?

38:18 Caller Yes.

38:18 Adam How many encounters did they have?

38:21 Drew Just one.

38:22 Adam Just one?

38:23 Caller Yeah.

38:23 Adam And how is it that you found out? I mean, how did your family friend, who told you, a family member? How did they find out?

38:33 Caller From the family member that it happened with.

38:36 Caller Uh-oh.

38:39 Adam Is that an answer?

38:39 Drew Who was your family member?

38:41 Caller A cousin.

38:41 Adam And your cousin screwed around with your husband?

38:44 Drew And your cousin told somebody else in the family?

38:45 Caller Yeah, she told her aunt, and you know, cause.

38:48 Adam Okay.

38:49 Caller You know, cause she felt, supposedly felt bad.

38:53 Adam How did this, how did this happen? Do they, are they friendly? Do they hang out?

39:00 Caller We used to all kind of hang out.

39:01 Adam Okay, so you found out about it, and then you confronted your husband.

39:06 Caller Everybody confronted, yeah, pretty much.

39:09 Adam Okay, and what did he say?

39:12 Caller He just said that, that he didn't really want me to know, cause he didn't want to, he didn't want me to find out, cause he didn't want me to be hurt.

39:20 Adam Okay.

39:21 Caller And, you know, he felt really bad that it happened, cause, you know, he realized it was wrong, and, and that he loved me, cause we have two kids too. And he realized, you know, that, you know, this isn't what he wanted. And, you know, he didn't want to be like his dad either. And I'm just wondering if maybe, somehow, consciously, he'd like pick this up. You know what I'm saying?

39:41 Drew His dad's behavior?

39:42 Caller Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because his dad's done it a few times to his mom. You know, and-

39:47 Drew You can count on this guy. Never underestimate the impact that modeling has of the parents' behavior. Well, you want to know how kids are going to behave? Look at how the parents behave. That has a lot to do with it.

40:00 Caller Oh, yeah.

40:01 Drew And so-

40:02 Caller I think that his parents have kind of treated him poorly, and I'm just wondering if, you know.

40:06 Adam Well, all right, so they had a little oral sex. He's not going to do it again, right?

40:11 Caller I guess not. That's what he says. I don't know, but I'm just, you know, wondering if this thing is true. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

40:18 Adam How long have you been married?

40:20 Caller We've been married for over four years now.

40:22 Adam All right. Well, I don't know. I believe a guy can have an indiscretion. I believe it makes him more likely to cheat, and the fact that it was with your cousin, and I don't know what the circumstances were. I mean, see, to me, that's important. If everyone... Well, here's why. And I know, Drew, your wife may be listening, so you take a certain holier-than-thou approach to the show. But let's say everyone is, you know, camping, and people are drinking, and, you know, people go skinny-dipping in the lake or something. Something happens. That's something. It's spontaneous. It's the difference between, you know, Murder One and Manslaughter, in a sense. Each way you have a corpse, one way the guy was planning, premeditated. You know what I'm saying? That is very deliberate. Other ways, sometimes a biology takes over, their circumstances is what I'm saying. And if he was planning something with her, and it was, you know, everyone was sober, and it was high noon, and he ran out from work and met her somewhere or something, that is much more devious than something else going on. You know what I mean? Bachelor party, booze flowing, you know what I'm saying?

41:43 Drew But in a way, I don't want to get into longer discussions about this, but in a way, this sort of just something happened thing is sort of worse because that's somebody who has no judgment about the kinds of situations he puts himself in, and something could just happen again.

41:57 Adam Well, that's true, but the ones who do the premeditated stuff, the just happened stuff goes along with that too.

42:03 Drew Here's the other thing with this guy, he was 19 when he got married, this is that, the whole thing again.

42:07 Adam All right, and I don't trust Becky's selection of men by her voice.

42:11 Drew Yeah, so what are we going to tell her? Keep your eyes open, be careful.

42:15 Adam I'd look the guy in the eye and say, listen, if anything happens again, if I hear anything.

42:18 Drew I'm out of here.

42:19 Adam It is divorce, if I hear something.

42:21 Drew Yeah, she's got to be ready to do that.

42:23 Adam Laura, you're 15.

42:24 Caller Yeah.

42:24 Adam What's up?

42:25 Caller First of all, I want to say, Adam, I think you're funny, and I think the man show is great.

42:30 Adam Thank you.

42:31 Caller I think the AT&T commercial is funny.

42:33 Adam I still have not seen that thing. It's on Comedy Central, though, by the way, the man show tonight.

42:40 Caller And you, I think you're very into comedy.

42:41 Adam I'm not hearing my...

42:43 Drew Thank you.

42:44 Adam What did you do, shut my mic?

42:45 Drew You probably just rattled it.

42:48 Caller drew.com.

42:49 Drew Oh, you've seen it? Good for you. Thank you. It's going to be, we're revamping everything again, so it's going to be reworked and reworked and reworked. It's going to be pretty interesting.

42:56 Adam Hey, Drew, can you hear me?

42:57 Drew Loud and clear.

42:58 Adam Oh, I just can't hear myself?

42:59 Caller Right.

43:00 Caller I think you guys are great, okay?

43:02 Adam Thanks, Laura.

43:02 Drew What's going on?

43:03 Caller I had a question about Valerian route.

43:05 Adam Yeah.

43:05 Caller Jesus Christ. Because I want to know what symptoms could it cause.

43:09 Adam My headphones are dead. I can't hear a thing.

43:11 Drew With the headphones. Do you want to try the headphone monitor level up there?

43:18 Adam Try what?

43:18 Drew The levels up there on the board?

43:20 Caller Anderson's bringing in new ones. Just hang on.

43:22 Adam It's not doing anything.

43:23 Drew Okay. So what about Valerian route?

43:25 Caller What symptoms could it cause and stuff? Because I'm taking it for insomnia?

43:30 Drew Really not much of anything. What is it you're getting?

43:32 Caller Well, because like-

43:33 Drew Sedation.

43:34 Caller Well, it looks like I'm fine for a few hours when suddenly, I just go like real like walking around like a zombie and like-

43:42 Adam Nope.

43:43 Caller No?

43:44 Drew No, we're listening. He's referring to the equipment here. You're walking around like a zombie five hours later?

43:50 Caller No, it depends on like just different times during the day, like it happens at different times. Like I'm like normal and sound like just like a zombie now.

43:58 Drew No, this has something to do with something else. What else going on? Do you have any medical problems?

44:03 Caller No.

44:03 Drew Do you want any medication?

44:05 Caller Uh-uh.

44:05 Drew Nothing? Nope. Have you been on any medication?

44:08 Caller No.

44:09 Drew When you say you're walking around like a zombie, do you know where you are? Yeah.

44:12 Caller I know. I'm just like real weak and tired.

44:15 Adam She's amongst the living dead, right?

44:16 Drew And how long has this been happening for?

44:19 Caller Um, since I've been like, I'd say around like a month.

44:25 Drew A month of these episodes every day?

44:27 Caller Um, yeah. Practically every day.

44:31 Drew Well, you need to see a doctor to get this thing evaluated. The possibility of weakness and fatigue are two of the most common symptoms that people see a doctor for, and they're rather vague symptoms, difficult to work up, but it's important to make sure there's not a medical cause.

44:45 Adam I had lunch with my dad today.

44:46 Drew Yeah.

44:47 Adam My dad is a nice guy, but he's starting to forget where he is.

44:51 Drew What?

44:52 Adam I mean, he's, you know, my dad's out of it, you know. Smart, but he's out of it.

44:57 Drew What happened?

44:58 Adam I, I don't, he was trying to, you know, he can't remember any of my friends' names, you know, and he's just, he's just losing it, you know. So I said to him today, I said, he was asking me some questions about the TV, about the Love Line, you know, and he said, what happens with that show? Like something doesn't go right or you say something they don't want you to say, do they edit that out? And then I said, I have no idea. I've never seen the show. I mean, I never watch a show, so I don't know what they edit out. And then I said, he knows nothing about the show either. So I said, dad, I think I've seen the show less than you have. And then he went, well, probably. And then I said, but you know what? It'd be a pretty, actually be a pretty good competition.

45:46 Drew Was he listening?

45:47 Adam He was. I don't think he got the subtle jam there. But yeah, he's starting to lose it. He just walks around now, you know?

45:56 Drew Is he all right?

45:57 Adam Yeah, you know, he's wearing, like, you know when you get older, you start wearing like five sweatshirts? Yeah. You know, you get older, you put on a sweater, and then a sweatshirt, and then a windbreaker, and then another sweater over that.

46:09 Drew Maybe he's hypothyroid or something.

46:10 Adam No, it's just you get older, you start layering. Your body starts shrinking, but your clothes get bigger. As your body shrinks, your glasses, and your clothing, and your hair get bigger. There has to be some form of compensation, you know what I mean? Your body starts deteriorating and withering, yet the frames of your glasses and your coats get bigger. You know what I mean?

46:36 Drew Certainly the glasses get huge.

46:38 Adam Yeah, everyone's Charles and Elsa Riley. We're going to take a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Jordan.

46:43 Drew No, no, no.

46:43 Adam No? Why do I keep going for Jordan? We'll figure something out. Okay, after this.

46:49 Caller Yo, Loveline will be right back, homie.

47:28 Adam It's the Loveline. We're going to take a quick 10-second timeout. We'll be back with more of the Fabulous Show in just 10 seconds.

47:34 Caller This is Loveline on Radio Station.

47:49 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LLVE-191. Cranberry recipe coming up this hour. And let's see if we can burn through some columns here, Drew. Lisa?

48:01 Caller Yeah.

48:02 Adam Okay, you're 17.

48:04 Caller Yep. I have a problem.

48:09 Caller Hello?

48:09 Drew Go right ahead.

48:10 Caller All right. I can only have an orgasm by myself, and I can never have one with any guy, like with my boyfriend or nothing.

48:18 Drew Did you say you can't really by yourself?

48:20 Adam She can.

48:20 Drew Can't.

48:21 Adam How many guys have you been with?

48:22 Caller Like, five.

48:26 Adam When I hear that mm in front of the five, I put a zero behind it.

48:31 Caller Just lie.

48:31 Caller That's it.

48:33 Caller Okay.

48:34 Adam You all right?

48:34 Caller What can I do? Like, I can't.

48:36 Adam All right. Well, listen to me. You ever been raped?

48:38 Caller Um, no.

48:39 Adam Huh?

48:41 Caller No, but my dad, like, abusing us a little.

48:43 Adam Yeah, I'm getting some of that.

48:45 Drew In what way?

48:46 Caller Um, sexually, immensely, everything, physically.

48:49 Adam Oh, boy. Yeah, it's getting that. What's, uh, oh, boy.

48:53 Drew That's certainly going to affect how you feel when you're with a guy, right?

48:56 Adam Where's your dad now?

48:58 Caller Um, he moved. Like, my parents got divorced and he moved away.

49:02 Adam Do you ever get brought up on charges or anything?

49:04 Caller Not at all.

49:05 Drew How come?

49:06 Caller Um, because I never told anybody.

49:09 Drew Why don't you tell...

49:10 Adam Did your mom remarry?

49:12 Caller No, but my dad's getting remarried.

49:15 Adam Oh, yeah. Let's hope there's some nice step kids for him to have that.

49:18 Drew Really, can't you tell somebody, alert somebody, make a report so this guy doesn't have the opportunity to do this to other people, which undoubtedly he is or will?

49:25 Caller Um, he's, like, so far away that I can't do anything about it.

49:29 Caller I don't even know where he is.

49:31 Drew Well, you can at least file a report where you are and let them take care of the rest.

49:34 Adam What'd he do to you?

49:36 Caller Um, like, I don't know. He used to touch me and stuff, but never, like, slept with me.

49:42 Adam When you were how old? So, he's a decent guy.

49:44 Caller Um, I was, like, ten.

49:47 Adam Ten?

49:47 Caller Yeah, maybe a little younger, too.

49:49 Adam And when did he get out of the house?

49:51 Caller Um, about a year ago, after Christmas.

49:55 Adam Oh, boy. And did he do anything after ten?

49:58 Caller No, I don't remember.

50:00 Adam Okay.

50:01 Drew He's just an awful guy.

50:02 Adam Listen, here's the deal, Lisa. That has to screw you up more than you could ever imagine. In terms of the way you perceive men.

50:14 Drew And relate to men.

50:15 Adam From that point on.

50:16 Drew Yeah.

50:16 Adam You understand?

50:17 Caller Yeah.

50:18 Adam And it's really gonna have a major, major impact in your life. And especially being intimate with men. And that's gonna affect the orgasm function and all of that.

50:30 Caller Sure.

50:30 Adam And I'm guessing that you can't have one with a guy because you can't get intimate with a guy that way. Even though you can have sex with them, you can't give that piece away. And it's understandable. And you're 17. So you gotta get some therapy, you gotta get some counseling, you gotta talk about this, you gotta work it through, and then the orgasm will follow.

50:52 Drew Don't try to right the wrongs of the past with your relationships in the present.

50:56 Caller Is it always gonna be like this?

51:00 Adam Hold on. Didn't I just get done? All right. Hey, Lisa.

51:04 Caller Yeah.

51:05 Adam Listen to me. You are gonna have big time issues with men. You are gonna get into trouble. You may do a porn movie before not too long. There is trouble ahead for you with men.

51:17 Drew Unless you get some help.

51:18 Adam You have to get some help.

51:20 Caller So who do I talk to? I don't know. I can't really talk to, like, any of my family or anything.

51:25 Drew You are supposed to start with your doctor. Do you have a doctor?

51:27 Caller No.

51:29 Adam People don't have doctors, Drew. I don't know what you are thinking. I never had a doctor. People don't have doctors.

51:34 Drew Log on to drew.com. We have a bunch of resources for people that have been abused.

51:38 Adam Do you have a computer?

51:40 Caller No.

51:44 Adam How about we will put you on hold and phone screen or Lisa will give you a phone number. Okay. Call them, talk to them, and begin the process, please.

51:52 Caller Thank you so much.

51:53 Adam All right. Oh boy.

51:55 Drew She is actually not, we get kind of a feel for people. She is not that bad.

51:59 Adam Not that bad, but guys, when you go out to a club and you are talking to a chick and she is chewing on her hair and she is going, and she is sounding like Lisa, know where the origins of that are. You know what I mean? I was getting a pretty strong vibe off of her voice. Not the little girl voice, but the seductress.

52:18 Drew Yeah, the right.

52:19 Adam I am going to please daddy voice.

52:20 Drew Right.

52:21 Adam Jordan?

52:22 Caller Yeah.

52:22 Adam You are 12.

52:23 Caller Yeah. I live with my dad, my real dad, but I went to my stepdad's and my mom's house this past summer, and I've walked in on him and my brother doing drugs, and I've told my mom about it, but she said that she'd deal with it, but she's never done anything about it. I think that she does it too with them because you can tell if she's high or not or whatever.

52:56 Drew That's awful.

52:57 Adam Is this Jordan, the young lady?

53:00 Drew Yeah.

53:00 Caller Yeah.

53:02 Adam And I like that name for a chick. It's a little confusing around 11, 12 over the phone, but what kind of drugs were they doing? Do you know?

53:12 Caller Redhead.

53:14 Drew Redhead?

53:15 Caller Yeah. It's supposed to be some type of marijuana or something.

53:19 Adam They were smoking?

53:20 Caller Yeah.

53:20 Adam And how old is your brother?

53:24 Caller He's 17.

53:26 Adam And how do you get along with the stepdad other than this?

53:31 Caller I don't really get along with him. I'm not too fond of him. And we don't like, because he's just real strict and everything.

53:41 Adam So you told your mother.

53:43 Drew Here's what you do. You put your mom on notice that you're not going to be in that house when there's things going on that scare you and bother you.

53:52 Adam What about telling her dad who sent her over?

53:55 Drew How about your dad?

53:56 Caller Yeah, I have told my dad. Like, I've been like, you know, I don't want to go down there.

54:01 Drew Did you tell him why?

54:02 Caller I don't want to go down.

54:03 Drew Have you told him why?

54:05 Caller Oh, yeah.

54:06 Adam All right.

54:06 Drew And what does he say?

54:08 Caller He says that, like, if they're going to be that stupid, you know, they can be like that, you know, it's their problem.

54:15 Adam Yeah, but tell him it's affecting you.

54:19 Drew Why are people so foolish?

54:20 Adam They just don't want to be parents.

54:21 Drew I know. Jordan, listen, you must step up on this one. You don't have to go there. Don't go there. It's the consequence of your mom not being willing to be a parent and your stepdad being an a-hole. You're not going. That's it. Don't go.

54:36 Adam I had this.

54:36 Drew Not a good environment.

54:37 Adam I was thinking about today, the time I was over eating over at my grandparents' house, and my mom whipped out a joint at the table and was passing it back and forth with her hippie friend Pat.

54:50 Drew Wasn't Zorback?

54:52 Adam Zorback was probably out in the microbus rolling another duber.

54:56 Drew When was this? Date?

54:58 Adam Date? Let's see. I'm going to do some math. No. 79. I was already in my disco phase. Come on. No. This must have been 75. I was probably 11, maybe 12, something like that. My mom thought it was going to be a real act that defines to light up a doobie at the dinner table.

55:18 Drew In front of your mother, grandmother.

55:20 Caller What the hell was she thinking?

55:24 Drew What happened? What did your grandmother do?

55:25 Adam Nothing.

55:26 Drew She went on talking about rim jobs again?

55:28 Adam No. She just, her and Pat just took it out, you know, sort of, you know, past the goulash. You know, my grandfather made a nice Hungarian meal.

55:38 Drew But you know what? That kind of a scene is so defining for what went on with that baby boom population. Which is, hey, we're not going to grow up. Screw you.

55:45 Adam Well, we're not going to listen to the man.

55:47 Drew Yeah. I'm not going to listen to the man. Everything is bad. We know best.

55:51 Adam That's right. It all worked out, too. You know, drive a VW Square bag for the rest of your life and live off welfare. You showed the man all right. Hey, hey, don't piss the man off. He's sending you $633 a month. You know what I mean? Don't worry about the man. The man is in charge of your medical and dental, you idiot.

56:09 Drew The man was corporate America, though.

56:11 Adam Yeah.

56:11 Drew Corporate America. Remember that whole thing?

56:14 Adam Yeah. Still does go on. Pam?

56:17 Drew That sort of slogan is starting to come back again a little bit.

56:19 Adam Pam, you're 26.

56:23 Drew Are you there?

56:24 Caller Oh, hi.

56:25 Drew What was that?

56:26 Caller I just took off my speaker phone.

56:28 Adam What's going on there, Pam?

56:29 Caller Yeah.

56:29 Adam Hey, ask your question, please.

56:34 Caller I have a lot of problems with condoms. They seem to break or fall off quite often.

56:39 Adam Yeah.

56:40 Drew Same guy?

56:41 Caller Pardon me?

56:41 Drew Same guy?

56:42 Caller No.

56:43 Drew Something you're doing to make this happen?

56:44 Adam Sandpaper Vagina Syndrome, SVS.

56:47 Caller Well, that has to go on. So, I start putting more lubricant. And if I put too much lubricant, then it falls off.

56:54 Drew Falls off.

56:55 Caller And sometimes it just seems to fall off. I don't know why.

56:59 Drew Different guys?

57:00 Caller Different guys, yeah.

57:02 Adam Maybe you have some sort of vacuum action in your pelvis or something.

57:08 Caller I'm just really frustrated because I feel like people like you and other professionals should give more warnings with these condoms.

57:18 Adam People like Drew?

57:19 Caller Because if they break or fall off, you can get AIDS and die. And people are like...

57:24 Adam Oh, hold on a second.

57:25 Drew This is more about the man.

57:26 Adam Getting close to some gambling here. Let me tell you, I came from the Thrifty's Pharmacy on the way here, the Rite Aid Pharmacy. That's why I was a few minutes late, because it's always a scene over there. Very delightful. I'll tell you during the break, we'll have a nice laugh. English-speaking employee, by the way. So it must have been some sort of holiday interim woman in there. Couldn't have been the regular staff, the Johnny Quest nationality that they usually employ. But there was a 55-, 60-year-old overweight woman who was standing next to me in line and struck up a conversation with the pharmacist about condoms, explaining that she's newly divorced and looking to get back into the swing of things and want to know what kind of condom she recommended.

58:12 Drew That's so amazing.

58:13 Adam I just couldn't have been more uncomfortable. I just couldn't have been more. If she was hot, it would have been a completely different scenario. But the fact that she was post-menopausal, 40 pounds overweight and getting pretty close to 60, and the fact that I wanted to say she was like, well, I'm just divorced and I know what a condom is. I know how to use one. But what one do you recommend? I mean, it's been a while. I'm freshly divorced and I'm back on the scene and I'm thinking, honey, you may be back on the scene, but that vagina of yours, it's still thawing. It's from the Ice Age. Back on the scene. It's not what I want to hear. Come on. I want to turn her and go, listen, I got to jack off later. Do you understand? I'm going to be up all night with this. If you're running around in my fantasies now with the condom, I should sue her, right? All right. What the hell was that, Pam? Pam?

59:16 Caller Yeah.

59:17 Adam Pam, what is up with you? You got some energy.

59:20 Caller Well, I'm just frustrated because I like to have sex and I'm just scared and I feel like people don't tell you that.

59:29 Adam You sound a little crazy to boot. Is that true? A little bit.

59:35 Caller What's crazy about having condoms?

59:39 Adam Shut up. You on any medication?

59:40 Caller No.

59:41 Adam Really? Has anyone suggested that you get on some?

59:45 Caller No.

59:46 Adam Really? What do you do for a living?

59:49 Caller What do I do? I'm a bookkeeper.

59:57 Adam Where do you keep these books? Pam? You're not crazy? Really? A little bit?

1:00:04 Drew No. I'm not. Pam, here. Just listen now. I'm getting that. Don't put it on hold.

1:00:09 Adam Go ahead.

1:00:10 Drew What do we always say about condoms?

1:00:12 Caller You say use condoms.

1:00:13 Drew We say there are risk reduction measures. There's no such thing as really safe sex other than mutual masturbation.

1:00:20 Caller I never heard that.

1:00:21 Drew We always say that.

1:00:22 Adam Who cares?

1:00:23 Drew And it's also why I constantly recommend people to keep the morning after pill available because condoms fail.

1:00:30 Caller All right.

1:00:31 Adam But listen, if you're looking for us to apologize for telling people to use condoms because you got a bad track record with sucking them off of Guy's Johnson's, you're not going to get it. All right? I'm not going to apologize for telling people to use condoms.

1:00:43 Caller We do, Pam.

1:00:46 Adam We do, Pam. No, I'm not offering a disclaimer with my condom message.

1:00:52 Drew No, we do, but it's risk reduction. No such thing as safe sex, Pam. No such thing.

1:00:56 Adam Condoms can break. They can come off.

1:00:58 Drew That's safe sex.

1:01:00 Adam You got something else going on with you, Pam.

1:01:02 Drew That hostility is what I'm talking about.

1:01:03 Adam You got to look into that. All right? All right. All right.

1:01:06 Drew And blaming other people for things that happen to you.

1:01:08 Adam Yeah. She's got some issues there. Fred?

1:01:10 Drew Wouldn't it be true? Isn't it much better, think about this, to, hang on a second, Fred, to overcompensate in the direction of accepting responsibility for everything that happens to you?

1:01:21 Adam Yes.

1:01:21 Drew In other words, if you have to choose between blaming everybody and everything for what happens in your life, as opposed to being responsible, even if it's unrealistically so.

1:01:29 Adam I don't want to get too preachy, but I swear to you, everyone within the sound of my voice, please listen to this message. You got two choices in life. You can do what's called internalizing, or you can do what's called externalizing. Everybody, 95% of this population, externalizes. They get fired, the boss had it in for them. Their girlfriend dumps them, she's a crazy bitch. They get bad grades at schools, the teacher doesn't like them. It's always someone else's fault. And when it's always someone else's fault, it's never your fault, so why change? And you can just keep going down that S road the rest of your life. Boss is firing you, girlfriend's dumping you, teacher's giving you bad marks. If everyone internalized and said, what can I do? What role did I play in this? What could I do differently next time to make things better? Your life will improve by leaps and bounds in months. You'll be on top of the world. I did the first for 10 years of my life and the second for the last five. I'm still miserable, but I got a lot of money. I can afford the best therapy.

1:02:34 Drew Now you make other people miserable.

1:02:35 Adam That's right. Thank you, Fred. What's your question? It's all my fault.

1:02:39 Caller It's all my fault. There you go. My question is...

1:02:42 Adam Hey, I blame myself for the World Trade Center bombing. I may have done something to prevent that had I been in New York.

1:02:50 Drew But the point is, it's better to be that way than the other extreme.

1:02:53 Adam Better to search for your part in something.

1:02:56 Caller I found my part and I want to find out what happened to make it that way. I just got over a cold and I get one in two a year, right? And I never noticed this before, but this past weekend I was sick and my sex drive was just out the freaking door. It was unbelievable. And my refractory period was also unbelievable. I'm 30 and I haven't had a weekend like this since I was 20. And I was wondering, was it because I was sick? Was it because the moon was in conjunction with Mars?

1:03:30 Drew What medication were you taking?

1:03:31 Caller I wasn't taking any prescription medication, but I was taking zinc lozenges.

1:03:38 Adam Why don't you come over here and sneeze on me, Fred?

1:03:42 Drew Zinc can do, it's fascinating possibility, but I've never seen that zinc documented to do anything like that. You weren't taking decongestants or anything?

1:03:50 Caller Nope.

1:03:51 Adam What about just zinc working with Fred?

1:03:54 Drew Yeah, that's the point.

1:03:54 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:03:55 Drew Yeah.

1:03:55 Caller Well, I've taken it before and I've never noticed the reaction before.

1:04:00 Drew All right.

1:04:00 Adam But isn't it true that once in a while, you go out and you play softball and you go five for five with a couple of great catches in the outfield? Yeah, yeah. And then the next week you go out and play, you go for five and three errors.

1:04:14 Drew Yeah, there are bio rhythms.

1:04:15 Adam Sometimes you just put it together and sometimes you don't.

1:04:17 Drew And listen, look at people who have manic depression. Sometimes they can go for weeks without stopping and then when they're in their depressed mood, they're nothing.

1:04:24 Adam Right.

1:04:25 Drew I mean, the brain affects spectacularly the sexual functioning.

1:04:29 Adam All right. So you had a good day or a good weekend and maybe it had something to do with the zinc, but maybe he'd been sick for a couple of days, maybe been resting for a couple of days, maybe wasn't at work getting stressed out.

1:04:43 Drew And I've heard of decongestants and histamines doing things like this.

1:04:46 Adam Okay. I get some of those too. Kristen?

1:04:49 Drew Occasionally.

1:04:50 Adam You're 18. Doesn't matter. I'm trying anyway.

1:04:52 Caller What's up?

1:04:53 Okay. I've been with my boyfriend for four years. And in September we broke up and we kept seeing each other. And we kept doing things. And I found out two weeks ago that he was seeing someone else. So I stopped talking to him for a week. Then I like, he kept calling me and calling me. So I started talking to him again. And then he's like coming over and telling me he loves me and all this stuff but, you know, I keep trying to, it's like the problem's not resolved. He's still talking to this girl. It's like, I don't know, I'm just really confused. And he's really confused and I just, it's like.

1:05:32 Adam He's not that confused.

1:05:33 He's not.

1:05:34 Adam He acts confused when he talks to you. So that you can sort of empathize with him. He's not that confused. He's into this other chick. He's got you on a maintenance program. He doesn't not like you, but he doesn't like you enough to commit to you. And that's why when you broke up, you should just broke up.

1:05:53 Yeah.

1:05:53 Adam Now who broke up with who?

1:05:57 We kind of both broke up.

1:05:58 Drew But this is the thing that women get into, which is he's being physically intimate with me. He must have feelings for me. And this is what Adam and I were talking about earlier this evening, which is that men can have that physical thing and have zero emotional connection associated with it.

1:06:12 Adam A guy can hump a warm melon and have that intimacy.

1:06:16 We like stopped doing that for a while, so.

1:06:19 Adam How long did you stop doing that for?

1:06:21 Hmm, the last couple months.

1:06:25 Drew And then you started up again?

1:06:27 Yeah, well, no, not really.

1:06:29 Drew Look, Kristen, that's what he's here for. If he really didn't believe he could start it up again, he'd be gone. So you cut it off and see what happens. But don't leave any possibility of it happening again.

1:06:38 Caller I told him, I told him I did it. I totally cut him off and he kept calling me. It's like we're each other's safety net or something.

1:06:45 Adam Listen, he knows you're soft touch. He knows you like him. And he knows you're semi-weak and you'll believe what he wants you to believe. And so he'll tell you what you want to hear. You know what I mean? So he can keep things going. Kristen, listen to me.

1:07:04 Drew It's bad for you.

1:07:05 Adam You've got to break clean. You really do. You know that, right?

1:07:09 Drew Yeah.

1:07:09 Adam Break clean.

1:07:10 Drew That's all right. You'll be all right.

1:07:12 Adam Hey, listen.

1:07:13 Drew It takes a few months sometimes.

1:07:15 Adam You know, everybody's philosophy is better to have half a man than no man, or better to have half a girlfriend than no girlfriend. That ain't true. It's true with food. You know what I'm saying? I mean, if you're starving, it's better to have half a chicken than no chicken. You know, no whole chicken or something. But with relationships, that ain't true. It's better to have nothing with a lot of people than it is to have a little something.

1:07:39 Drew And the other thing people go through...

1:07:40 Adam Because that'll ruin you.

1:07:42 Drew People have this sense that somehow if it hurts, I got to avoid it. Better to have no pain. Just get through it with the easy as possible.

1:07:50 Adam Right.

1:07:50 Drew And it doesn't work like that.

1:07:52 Adam Nope. What are we doing?

1:07:55 Drew We'll talk to Paul and we're going to break. Paul, real quick, what's your question?

1:07:59 Yeah, so I have a question. It's about masturbation.

1:08:01 Caller Yeah.

1:08:03 So usually what happens is, it's in bed. But what happens, I usually brush my teeth, get ready for bed, go to bed. And then as I can't fall asleep, nothing better to do so I start masturbating.

1:08:12 Adam Yeah. I did that for the first like six months I was masturbating and then I said, come on, who you kidding? Jack off, then go to bed. What are you trying to fool your balls? I'm going to go to bed.

1:08:25 So then-

1:08:25 Adam I can't sleep. Well, I better jack off.

1:08:28 Drew Paul, go ahead.

1:08:29 So then- so usually what I do is I masturbate and then I end up masturbating all into my hand or something, the ejaculates into my hand. Then because of lack of tissues or anything to clean it up with, I usually end up consuming it.

1:08:42 Adam Yeah.

1:08:43 So here's my question.

1:08:45 Adam Someone's got to chip in and get you a hamper, Paul. What do you do? Throw your underpants out and your socks out after you use them?

1:08:53 Drew He doesn't do laundry.

1:08:54 Yeah, of course not. Nobody does laundry.

1:08:56 Adam Don't you have a T-shirt?

1:08:57 No, but that's all gross it gets on the T-shirt.

1:08:59 Drew Oh, what you do isn't gross? Okay, hang on.

1:09:01 Hold on.

1:09:02 Drew Hold on. Hold on.

1:09:03 Adam Let's, I'll tell you what we'll do just for the interesting hypothetical and grossness. Let's substitute the sperm for dog ass. Now, what's grosser? Consuming the dog ass or getting some of it smeared on a T-shirt? Okay.

1:09:24 Drew There you go.

1:09:25 Adam We'll take ourselves a break and then we'll get back with Paul and his sperm consumption after this.

1:09:34 Caller With Adam Crowell and Dr. Drew, we'll be right back before you know it.

1:10:02 Adam Pete, Pete is Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Let me give this cranberry recipe out one more time here, Drew. So you know how important this is for me. It's a crusade.

1:10:18 Drew Yeah.

1:10:18 Adam It really is.

1:10:19 Drew Me, I've got the morning after pill. You've got cranberry sauce.

1:10:22 Adam Well.

1:10:23 Drew Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know you participated in the morning after issues. I appreciate that. And I. And I help you with the cranberry sauce.

1:10:30 Adam And I thank you for that. Those of you who, well, those of you who listen to the show know I'm a passionate man, at least when I'm talking into a microphone. As soon as the mic turns off, I become a corpse where I just sit in front of the TV as my flesh decays from my bones.

1:10:47 Drew If they only knew how true, how true a description that is.

1:10:52 Adam You barely get me to talk. But when I'm in front of the mic, I'm a very passionate man. So let's just say for the sake of argument, I am a passionate man. And one thing I'm very passionate about is cranberries. And it's real cranberry sauce for Thanksgiving. And somebody decided somewhere along the line in this hurry up society we're living in, that it was okay to pop open a can of cranberry sauce. After eight hours slaving in the kitchen, after the turkey, after the stuffing, and the yams, and the mashed potatoes, after a poor mom or grandma or a gay neighbor spent a whole day in the kitchen slaving in front of a hot stove, the very last thing they usually do is open that can of horrible gelatinized, it's sort of corrugated on the side because the can has that shape, and they slide it all out in one big log. It looks like when dog food comes out of a can, and then they slice it up into these little crappy medallions. They're almost like cramp coasters. And you're supposed to eat that horrible sort of syrupy, caramely cramp with your beautiful homemade meal. I call that a travesty. Do you understand, Drew?

1:12:13 Drew I would like to-

1:12:14 Adam An injustice.

1:12:15 Drew It would be very interesting if somebody knows the history of that. If they could e-mail us. Because seriously, it's very interesting. When did people decide that was a cool thing?

1:12:23 Adam When did they decide that the cranberries were such a tall order that we could not make them fresh? When in fact, they're the easiest on the Thanksgiving menu.

1:12:35 Drew It must have been something on the order of that having been an advancement. Oh, it's gelatinized. How cool. Look at this. Maybe Jell-O was invented around the same time. And you know what I mean? Maybe it became something that-

1:12:48 Adam I don't know, but I won't stand for it. And here's the thing that really breaks my heart about Thanksgiving, there's kids involved.

1:12:53 Drew Oh, boy.

1:12:54 Adam And those little ones have to see the gelatinized junk that you pass off as cranberry sauce.

1:12:59 Drew That's abuse, you're right.

1:12:59 Adam And they ingest this evil.

1:13:01 Drew In fact, from now on, we should be really probing into that area when we talk to people about their past.

1:13:05 Adam Yeah, even though the kids have their own table. That's what I like about Thanksgiving. They have the kids' table. It's the only holiday I know of where they actually set up another table. We don't even have young kids at our Thanksgiving celebration anymore, but we still have the kids' table. Of course. We set it up and we actually hire homeless preschoolers to sit there, so we can have someone can occupy the kids' table. Where did the kids' table left when I became an adult? I don't like that. I want someone else in that kids' table being miserable. Cousin Greg throwing mashed potatoes on me in that undersized chair far away from the bird. But the point is, is you should all liberate yourself and cook real cranberry dressing this year and it couldn't be easier, and I'm going to tell you how to do it right now. One sack of the cranberries. Cranberries come in like a sack. They're loose. They're about the size of a grape. One sack of that, one cup of water, one cup of sugar. Put it in a pot, turn the flame on. Five minutes later, done.

1:14:09 Drew Do you want to let the cranberries pop? Is that the sound you're listening for?

1:14:12 Adam They make little pops.

1:14:14 Drew It's like popcorn, which should be really going?

1:14:15 Adam No. They just start sort of coming undone. They become sort of bloated.

1:14:21 Drew And that's how you know you're ready to stop?

1:14:22 Adam They become logged.

1:14:23 Drew Stir frequently?

1:14:25 Adam You give it a little stir once in a while, but not necessary. Just a medium low heat.

1:14:29 Drew Serve hot?

1:14:29 Adam Done in five minutes.

1:14:30 Drew Serve hot?

1:14:31 Adam I like it luke.

1:14:32 Drew So it's like the last thing you do before you set the table?

1:14:35 Adam You put it in a bowl, something decorative, something pleasing to the eye, as well as the palate.

1:14:39 Drew Did you say lemon peel?

1:14:41 Adam I thought about that, but I realized that was my applesauce recipe. So I'm going to retract the-

1:14:46 Drew Walnuts?

1:14:47 Adam You can go walnut, although I'm a purist. I don't like it when I'm biting into one thing and I grab something else. These people insist I'm putting raisins in every goddamn thing, raisins in the muffins, raisin in the stuffing, raisin in the brownies. Who decided raisins? I don't like raisins. I don't like a handful of raisins. What makes you think I like them in everything I eat? It's distracting. It's like eating a little mouse brain or something. So here's the deal.

1:15:13 Drew You'll be hearing from the raisin industry in a moment.

1:15:14 Adam Take those, take that after you cook it. Now you've got to let it cool a little bit because it does kind of coagulate a little. It stiffens up.

1:15:22 Drew It should do that.

1:15:23 Adam Yeah, it should. It's a little bit runny when it's really hot like a lot of things are, but as it cools off it stiffens up, gets just the right consistency and that's perfect. I don't like it frozen or cold. It hurts your teeth. Just room temperature is good, maybe a little on the warm side. Delicious. Made it tonight. You hear me? I made myself a tuna sandwich. I was done with the goddamn cranberry sauce before I was done with the tuna sandwich. That's how easy it is. I bought four packs, four sacks of cranberries this year because last year I went to the store and they were out of them. You know what my plan is this year? I use two sacks to make my own cranberry sauce for tomorrow. I auction the other two off on eBay and recoup my money for the four sacks.

1:16:07 Drew Massive.

1:16:07 Adam Because there's going to be a rush on this thing tomorrow, especially after the recipe.

1:16:12 Drew And that's cranberries.

1:16:13 Adam There you go.

1:16:13 Drew Remember we have a problem with abortion in this country, please, the morning after pills.

1:16:17 Adam But most importantly, cranberries.

1:16:18 Drew I understand.

1:16:19 Adam And don't be scared to be defiant. I will bring my cranberries to my cousin Greg's house tomorrow and I may get a steely look from his wife when she starts to open that can and I pull out my fresh cranberries. But I will not participate in the canned program.

1:16:34 Drew Let me just ask this.

1:16:35 Adam I did that with cousin Pat last year. She got pissed off.

1:16:37 Drew Well, I understand.

1:16:38 Adam She can kiss my ass. I'm no hillbilly trash.

1:16:41 Drew But wait a minute. Maybe that wasn't what she was pissed off about. Let me ask you this. Is it the same crew every year?

1:16:46 Adam Basically, yeah.

1:16:47 Drew Do you go off about cranberries every year?

1:16:49 Adam Yes, I do.

1:16:50 Drew In the same way?

1:16:51 Adam Pretty much.

1:16:52 Drew Do you think that might piss them off?

1:16:54 Adam Could possibly, but listen.

1:16:55 Drew Might be that.

1:16:56 Adam You reach for the can opener in front of this man. You're asking for trouble. That's all.

1:17:01 Just.

1:17:03 Drew Paul.

1:17:04 Adam Paul, you're 23. Yep.

1:17:05 Drew So he told us about his thing.

1:17:07 Adam Oh yeah, he eats his own.

1:17:09 Drew His own cheat.

1:17:09 Adam You had to taint my cranberry recipe with your wretched semen.

1:17:14 Well, so my question is this. First of all, it's the last thing I do before falling asleep. So is it gonna rot my teeth?

1:17:22 Drew No.

1:17:23 Because, you know, I've already brushed my teeth, so this is probably for Dr. Drew.

1:17:28 Drew No.

1:17:28 No.

1:17:29 Drew That would be my guess. Yeah. Generally no. Although, I think that pH can vary quite a bit, but I would say generally no.

1:17:35 Adam Oh, Jesus Christ. Imagine flossing and getting your own seed out of your teeth. Hey, Paul?

1:17:43 Yeah.

1:17:43 Adam What's wrong with you, you disgusting bastard?

1:17:46 Well, you know, what's the... What do you do? What's your alternative?

1:17:50 Adam What is the alternative? Well, I guess you got me there, Paul. I couldn't think of anything else. You're right. I guess you gotta eat it. What's your alternative when you take a dump?

1:17:59 It's the perfect cleanup. Well, in the bathroom, you got toilet paper, always.

1:18:03 Adam Listen, here's what you do. First off, you start jacking off in the shower.

1:18:08 Caller No, but I shower in the morning, and I need to fall asleep.

1:18:11 Adam Okay. Then you work yourself out a little whack bib, like my buddy the Wheeze. Takes himself a nice paper towel, spreads it over his belly. Everyone's happy. Don't tell him I said that. Hey, Paul?

1:18:24 Caller Yeah.

1:18:24 Adam Are you gay?

1:18:25 Caller No.

1:18:25 Adam Come on, brother.

1:18:26 Caller No.

1:18:27 Adam Come on.

1:18:28 Caller Adam, no.

1:18:29 Adam Paul, seriously. A little bit?

1:18:32 Caller No, no.

1:18:33 Adam You like the gents just a little?

1:18:34 Caller No, more than you.

1:18:36 Adam Come on.

1:18:36 Drew Adam's into it.

1:18:37 Adam I like a guy. I'm not scared to admit that.

1:18:40 Caller Well, then I'm less than you.

1:18:41 Adam All right. All right, Paul. Easy on your own semen.

1:18:45 Caller Will do.

1:18:45 Adam Listen, Paul?

1:18:47 Caller Yeah.

1:18:47 Adam Seriously, though, you got a big day eating tomorrow. Don't fill up on your own semen. That's something my mom always calls me the night before Thanksgiving and says, listen, you know, we're going to have a ham and a turkey and some mashed potatoes and stuffing. Don't top off on your own jizz tonight before you go to bed. You know, you don't wake up ready to go tomorrow. Know what I'm saying?

1:19:11 Drew I know what you're saying.

1:19:12 Adam Yeah. Stephanie?

1:19:14 Yeah.

1:19:15 Adam You're 18.

1:19:15 Caller Yeah.

1:19:16 Caller What's up?

1:19:17 Caller There's this guy that I've been seeing for a few weeks, whatever, and we're talking on the phone today, and I don't know how this came up, but he was saying in my house, it's not out of the ordinary for me and my parents and my brother to walk around the house naked.

1:19:34 Adam This is a girl or a guy?

1:19:35 Caller It's a guy.

1:19:37 Adam How old is he? He's your age?

1:19:39 Caller He's 20.

1:19:40 Adam Yeah.

1:19:42 Caller So he told me this, and I was like, all right, that doesn't go on in my house, and I thought it was strange. They continue to tell me how it's not uncommon for them to masturbate his family like in the same room, and there's these tricks that they do with each other and-

1:20:00 Drew Like what? What are the tricks, man? What are the tricks?

1:20:02 Caller Tricks. I don't know if I really wanted to. They're kind of graphic. I don't know. Tell us.

1:20:08 Adam Couldn't be worse than our last call, could it?

1:20:10 Caller Yeah. As a family, there's two brothers and they'll like, like tuck under their package and I don't know what they do. I mean, he didn't really go into it to me.

1:20:23 Adam Oh, they tuck the junk between the legs and dance around?

1:20:26 Caller Yeah.

1:20:26 Adam Every guy does that.

1:20:30 Caller And, oh, another thing that he told me that the three guys, like the dad and the two brothers, will go to their mom, go to the mom and rub themselves on the mom and-

1:20:43 Adam Oh, still very normal, very healthy, very age-appropriate behavior.

1:20:48 Caller Yeah.

1:20:50 Adam Anything else at all?

1:20:53 Caller That's like all he told me.

1:20:55 Adam Okay. I don't see a problem here.

1:20:56 Drew This is your boyfriend?

1:20:57 Caller No. He's not my boyfriend. I don't know. We've been talking. I mean, I really like him.

1:21:02 Drew Stephanie.

1:21:03 Adam Oh, boy.

1:21:03 Caller Until today.

1:21:05 Adam Listen. Okay. All right. There's trouble brewing. Listen to me, guys. One more example. You're talking yourself right out of some good sex and.

1:21:15 Drew Well, this guy's got to be so screwed up. He doesn't know what he's doing.

1:21:18 Adam All right. But guys, don't talk to women. I'm telling you. You hurt your case. Less talking the better. That's why the strong silent type get laid. More talking you do, the worse shape you're in with a woman. You're better off brooding. Let him try to get to. Whatever's eating you. That's what you got to do.

1:21:40 Drew Yeah, but thank god this guy talked to Stephanie. Thank god.

1:21:42 Adam All right. What should she do?

1:21:44 Drew Run.

1:21:45 Adam Don't deal with him. There's trouble here. Yeah, it's weird. And listen, this is just the stuff he told her. Right. That could be the tip of the iceberg.

1:21:56 Drew This is sexual abuse, and this should be reported, frankly, because this didn't just start happening when they were 18.

1:22:00 Adam Oh, he's 20.

1:22:01 Drew And these lives are living at home, and we're gazing these bazaars.

1:22:04 Adam Listen, I don't know. We can't save the world. Jake?

1:22:08 Yeah, what's up?

1:22:08 Adam You're 17.

1:22:10 Caller Yeah. I got a quick question for you. Recently, I've been getting high with a very unique way. I've been using air freshener. Me and my friends.

1:22:22 Adam Yeah. That happened to me and Drew last night. Someone destroyed the bathroom and then released about 400 cubic feet of wizard into the place. I got a pretty good head rush when I came in, Drew. Did you catch a buzz?

1:22:36 Drew Yeah.

1:22:36 Adam What did you do?

1:22:37 Caller I actually breathed it in. Took a towel.

1:22:39 Drew Yeah, Jake, of all your-

1:22:40 Adam You're huffing? You sprayed into the towel and then you breathed it in or you put the towel over your head?

1:22:45 Caller I put the towel over the air freshener and I put it in my mouth.

1:22:51 Caller That's good.

1:22:52 Adam Jake, why don't you just whack yourself in the head with a frying pan?

1:22:56 Caller Well, the thing is, I want to know I've stopped doing that, but some of my friends didn't. I heard that it actually makes it worse. It's actually worse than the weed and I can't tell you, is it true or not?

1:23:09 Drew It is the worst thing you can do. In terms of choices for getting high, that is the most dangerous. That is it.

1:23:16 Adam That hydrocarbon thing?

1:23:17 Drew Inhaled hydrocarbons is the most toxic. You can do a lot of things, a lot of messed up things we talk to people about, but this is the one that is absolutely, the one that is just totally destructive.

1:23:29 Adam Really? Just screws your brain up?

1:23:31 Drew Yeah.

1:23:32 Adam Yeah. You gotta figure, you may not be dealing with a full deck if this is something you decide to participate in anyway. But come on, kiddies. Can't you just drink rubbing alcohol? You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh my God. All right. We're going to, the good news is when he farts, it smells like lilacs. I mean, if there is an upside to this tragedy, that's it. All right. We're going to, what did I do? Just hang up on somebody?

1:24:03 Drew I think so.

1:24:04 Adam Oh, Jesus Christ. I don't know what happened. I just punched a thing. We're going to take a quick break and when we come back, we'll speak to Zoe, who's 16. Her boyfriend is coming home from rehab for the holidays. She wants to know where to hook up again.

1:24:19 Drew Should they hook up? Yeah.

1:24:20 Adam Yeah. She wants to know.

1:24:21 Drew Oh, I thought you said where to hook up.

1:24:23 Adam After this.

1:24:25 Caller Let's have some more fun.

1:24:26 Caller Okay, let's do it.

1:24:28 Caller Call Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:24:33 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:24:34 Adam Well, here's how it's sample.

1:25:02 Caller You know why?

1:25:04 Adam Because they don't got us.

1:25:05 Drew No showmanship.

1:25:08 Adam It's Loveline. I'm the radio showman, Adam Corolla, and that is Dr. Drew over there. Let's get to the phones. Zoe.

1:25:15 Caller Yeah.

1:25:16 Adam Your boyfriend's coming out of rehab.

1:25:18 Caller Yeah.

1:25:19 Adam What's he in for?

1:25:21 Caller Well, I think he mainly did speed. And actually, I haven't talked to him for like, I haven't. The last time I talked to him was like five months ago. And that was like when he went into rehab. And it's in Florida. And so he's coming home, I think, for like the week around Christmas.

1:25:44 Adam Yeah.

1:25:45 Caller So I.

1:25:46 Adam Well, you haven't talked to him.

1:25:49 Caller He lives in. Well, also, I'm like not living at home either.

1:25:54 Adam I mean, what's up with you?

1:25:56 Caller Well, I actually went to rehab about a year or more than a year ago.

1:26:03 Adam Are you OK now?

1:26:05 Caller No. I'm still. I got.

1:26:07 Drew You're still using.

1:26:09 Caller No, no, no. I actually I've been clean for three months.

1:26:13 Adam Went to rehab a year ago.

1:26:14 Caller I went to rehab a year ago.

1:26:16 Adam You've been clean for three months.

1:26:17 Caller I got kicked out.

1:26:19 Caller And then I will.

1:26:21 Adam All right. Hey, Zoe.

1:26:22 Caller Yeah.

1:26:23 Adam Let me give you my take.

1:26:25 Caller What?

1:26:25 Adam I can hear it in your voice.

1:26:26 Caller What?

1:26:27 Adam You've you've been through a lot. And you got some issues and you're trying.

1:26:33 Caller Huh?

1:26:33 Adam You need you need either nobody or the right person.

1:26:36 Drew Not nobody is not this guy. What's the first rule of sobriety?

1:26:43 Caller I'm I'm I don't do drugs. I want to be sober. I mean, I don't know what the first rule of sobriety is.

1:26:48 Drew You don't want to be sober even. So why are you going to sabotage this guy's recovery?

1:26:52 Caller I do. I don't think he wants to be sober. I don't know. I do.

1:26:55 Adam The guy's in rehab. You want him to come out of rehab so you guys can do some crank?

1:27:01 Caller No.

1:27:01 Adam All right. Well, leave him alone. He wants to be sober. You don't want to be sober.

1:27:05 Caller No, I do. I'm not doing drugs.

1:27:07 Drew Did you say you don't didn't know if you wanted to be sober or not?

1:27:10 Caller Well, I'm going to meetings and I'm not doing drugs right now. I'm still in, I'm in a group home right now.

1:27:16 Drew But you're ambivalent about your sobriety. He isn't. He's working hard at it. Let him be. You're not supposed to have new relationships first year.

1:27:23 Adam So please just focus on your sobriety and no relationships right now, okay? Now, that's the most important thing you can do.

1:27:31 Drew Just do it.

1:27:32 Adam You'll ruin your life. I've seen this happen to too many friends.

1:27:36 Drew Most people that go out again, even those that are actively involved in sobriety, go out around a relationship. That's what sets people off.

1:27:44 Adam God, I never got laid and confused when I was... How old am I?

1:27:48 Drew Forty.

1:27:49 Adam I'm younger than I am now. Joe?

1:27:52 Caller Oh, hey.

1:27:52 Adam You're 16. What's up?

1:27:54 Caller I'm wondering about any dangers of a golden shower.

1:27:58 Adam You know, I was just thinking there's certain things that sound bad and are good, and then there's certain things that sound good and are bad. There could be nothing better sounding than a golden shower and nothing worse. Why do you want a golden shower?

1:28:12 Caller Why?

1:28:13 Adam You must have low self-esteem.

1:28:15 Caller No, no. I don't know. I just think something new.

1:28:19 Drew Well, you're 16. How old are things getting?

1:28:22 Adam You're just tired of blowjobs already at 16?

1:28:25 Caller No. I just want to...

1:28:27 Drew Joe, you said something new. You're 16. It means everything else is getting old?

1:28:35 Adam No.

1:28:35 Caller I just want the experience.

1:28:36 Drew You've experienced everything else?

1:28:37 Adam Listen, I've had my buddies pee on me dozens of times. Let me explain how it works. First, it's a warm sensation. Then there's a burning of the eyes. All right? That's followed by a smell and a very salty, acidic taste.

1:28:51 Drew Joe, listen.

1:28:52 Caller Is it going to be infectious?

1:28:54 Drew No. Joe, why don't you just try a relationship? This is that again, searching for the bigger sort of... Oh, who cares? The bigger buzz out of something. Come on. Look, you will never be satisfied. That emptiness you're feeling is never going to be gratified until you learn how to connect with people and be a person and have intimacy. Give me a break. 16.

1:29:18 Adam Maybe if you meditate, but not if you have some hooker pee on you.

1:29:22 Drew That's not going to help you. Please, anyone within the sound of my voice, listen carefully. Finding the prettier girl, the faster car, the weirder sex act, any of those things, wait a minute, are not going to change how you feel. For that moment, they're going to change, but you're going to feel worse because you're going to feel shame and confused and disconnected and abandoned. Please, have relationships. Be stable with people.

1:29:46 Adam That's right. That's why you should dump your model and give away your Porsche. Get yourself a nice fat broad and a Yugo. And just do it missionary style with the lights off. I'm with you, Drew. That's the key to happiness.

1:30:00 Drew The key is you figure out how to have intimacy and then you figure out how to have one with the model and then you buy your Porsche.

1:30:05 Adam There. That's what I'm working on. Jessica?

1:30:07 Yes.

1:30:08 Adam You're 20. What's up?

1:30:10 Caller Well, first I would like to say you guys are great.

1:30:12 Adam Thank you.

1:30:13 Caller And my question is, how to do a masturbation, okay? Ever since I was eight, you know how when, okay, well, when I take a shower, I go underneath the water and that's how I masturbate.

1:30:23 Adam Right.

1:30:23 Caller And I've been doing this since I was eight.

1:30:25 Adam Oh, you know, women, all women who call this show Admit to Masturbating that way, and I'm thinking from an evolutionary standpoint, I think they're going to develop gills after a while. Yeah, it's going to be able to breathe underwater. Eventually. Not Jessica, but maybe her grandkids might come out with gills. All right, so you did it that way and that worked, and now what?

1:30:47 Caller Okay, well, now, it's like ever since I was young, ever since I had my menstrual cycle, my menstrual period, and it's always been irregular, and I would like to know if that's the reason why I've always been like that, that it's always been irregular?

1:30:58 Drew No, you're just irregular.

1:31:00 Caller Okay.

1:31:01 Drew Now, whether or not you have some ovarian dysfunction, like polycystic ovarian disease, or something called hypothalamic pituitary axis dysfunction, or some other influence on your ovarian cycling, like thyroid problems, that kind of thing, a doctor would need to evaluate you to be sure of that, but having irregular periods is not necessarily an abnormal thing at all.

1:31:23 Adam You didn't wash away anything.

1:31:24 Caller Right.

1:31:25 Adam You're fine. Hey, Jessica.

1:31:26 Drew Yes.

1:31:27 Adam You go with the canned cranberry? Oh, baby, come on now. Now, did you hear me?

1:31:35 Drew Yes.

1:31:36 Adam All right. You make that... You're better than that. Do you understand? Yeah. All right. You make some cranberries tomorrow. You hear me? Okay. Don't open that can.

1:31:44 Drew Make the leap.

1:31:46 Adam Okay. Jesus Christ, people. Sarah.

1:31:51 Drew Hi.

1:31:52 Adam You're 14. Your friend told her that he was gay. Makes you uncomfortable.

1:31:57 Caller Yeah.

1:31:57 Adam I don't know how to deal with it.

1:31:58 Drew How come you're uncomfortable?

1:31:59 Caller Well, I never thought that I was uncomfortable around gay people, but ever since he told me, I just felt kind of weird talking to him and I don't know.

1:32:10 Drew Is it that you're afraid to talk to him more honestly? That's sort of some sort of level of rupture in your communication has occurred?

1:32:19 Caller Yeah, I think so.

1:32:20 Drew Maybe it's just you reestablish the openness in that relationship, that whatever you're uncomfortable about is not so much maybe, it's not so much about how you feel about him being gay, but about the fact that you're not sort of communicating directly right now. You're afraid you're going to offend him, you're afraid you're going to do this.

1:32:35 Adam Sometimes it's not the actual information, but how it was told or why it was told. Sometimes you get uncomfortable when people tell you stuff and you're thinking yourself like that big broad at the pharmacy talking about condom use today. It's like I don't mind people talking about condoms, but there's certain people I don't want to hear it from, and maybe there's something behind it.

1:32:59 Drew Maybe there's a reason you feel uncomfortable. Maybe he's created that feeling.

1:33:02 Adam All right. But he's not going to rape you.

1:33:04 Drew No. No.

1:33:05 Adam So why not? I mean, you hope your daughter hangs out with nothing but gay guys, right, Drew?

1:33:10 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:33:11 Adam She might teach her how to have what?

1:33:13 Drew You and my daughter, they're the ones I want to hang out with gay people.

1:33:15 Adam That's me too.

1:33:16 Drew You so you can be happy.

1:33:17 Adam That's right.

1:33:18 Drew And you get in touch with your real self.

1:33:20 Adam Except for I can't find gay guys that are into like, you know, sports and construction and, you know, that kind of stuff.

1:33:26 Drew Model airplanes.

1:33:27 Adam I know they're going to start.

1:33:28 Drew We're going to get emails. I know how they're coming.

1:33:30 Adam There's not one gay man who's into those model airplanes, those remote control airplanes. It just ain't out there.

1:33:35 Drew I know your man is out there. I know it.

1:33:37 Adam All right. I'm still searching. Okay, fellas. All right. We'll take a break.

1:33:47 Caller Loveline. We'll be right back.

1:34:18 Adam It is Loveline, and that is it.

1:34:19 Drew Happy Thanksgiving.

1:34:20 Adam Yeah. I want to thank Lisa for doing a great job on the phones and doing the producing of this week. Our thoughts are with, what was her name?

1:34:29 Drew I'm planning to go see her this week. I'm going to try. We're going to set this up.

1:34:32 Adam Producer Anne had the twins. Yeah, I want to go over there too.

1:34:34 Drew All right. It's Friday or Saturday to set it up.

1:34:37 Adam Hey, Drew, I'm easier than you are.

1:34:40 Drew I got to see Toy Story 2, and I got to see Anne this week. Those are my two goals for the weekend.

1:34:44 Adam So we'll work that out, and of course, Engineer Anderson for doing a wonderful job all week. So until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew, saying mahalo. Ha ha. Well now.

1:34:55 Caller This has been Love Line. The stuff expressed on Love Line is not necessarily the stuff of the staff, management, sponsors, or anyone else, including Westwood One Entertainment. Love Line is produced by Ann Wilkins and Gold. Now, please enjoy these birds.

Episode Feedback

Wednesday, November 24, 1999