Episode 1000754887877

0:13 Voiceover What did that guy say? I don't know, that music was ripping, though.

0:29 Adam Robert.

0:30 Yeah?

0:31 Adam You're 12 years old.

0:32 Caller Yeah.

0:33 Adam You're on Loveline.

0:34 Oh, okay.

0:36 Caller Yeah, I caught my dad masturbating, and he claims he's asleep.

0:43 Adam And he claims?

0:44 Caller Yeah, he says he's asleep.

0:47 Adam Well, did you confront him?

0:49 Caller Yeah, and the next morning I did. And he wouldn't respond when I told him to quit.

0:55 Adam I can't figure out whether Robert is insane or the healthiest person I've ever met. You know what I mean?

1:01 Drew Yeah.

1:02 Adam I mean, if you saw your dad diddling himself.

1:06 Drew What were the circumstances?

1:08 Caller Huh?

1:08 Drew What happened? What were the circumstances?

1:10 Caller Oh, well, I live with my grandparents. Yeah.

1:13 Drew Why?

1:15 Caller Because my dad's a jackass.

1:17 Drew What does he do exactly?

1:19 Caller Well, he deals drugs and sells.

1:23 Drew Okay.

1:24 Adam And now the picture is becoming a little more clear.

1:27 Caller Yeah, he used to be homeless.

1:29 Drew Okay.

1:29 Caller And my mom lives in Mexico and she's the same way.

1:33 Adam All right. How did you catch your dad, though, if you're living with your grandparents?

1:37 Caller Well, he came over and we didn't have any big couches for him to sleep on, so he had to have another bed in my bedroom.

1:48 Adam And Pop couldn't contain himself for long enough to make it through the night.

1:51 Drew And you actually told him to stop?

1:54 Caller Yeah. He wanted, I mean, I kicked his bed.

1:59 Adam You know you've bottomed out as an adult when you're a 12-year-old that kicks the box spring and tells you to knock it off. And that he's been taking long showers and he knows what's going on in there.

2:12 Drew I'm sorry, Robert, that you're having to go through this with your dad, but it's not inconsistent with everything else you're telling us about him.

2:20 Adam Was your dad drunk or anything like that?

2:22 Caller No.

2:23 Adam No.

2:24 Drew As far as you know.

2:24 Adam Why is he staying with you guys?

2:27 Caller Well, he's moved out now, but he was just staying for a little bit because he didn't have a house or anything.

2:34 Drew Do you even consider him like your dad or is your grandpa more like your dad?

2:38 Caller Well, I think my dad is dead.

2:41 Drew Is he dead?

2:42 Caller Yeah.

2:43 Adam Well, he does pretty good for a guy's dad, I'll tell you.

2:48 Drew Stay away from him. I'm sorry your dad is such a horrible worthless person, but he is. Try to deal with it in reality and try to manage your feelings about what it means to have a dad like that. Find more appropriate male figures to keep him alive.

3:04 Adam Many a great adult has come from the loins of a no-count dad.

3:09 Drew That's true.

3:11 Adam Show me any woman who is doing well in show business. I will show you. I don't know if Oprah knows her dad, but I'm guessing she has some issues. Jenny Jones, Sally Jessie, Rosie.

3:25 Drew Let's try to go outside of the talk show area. Who else?

3:27 Adam Oh.

3:31 Drew Not necessarily building a good case for this young man.

3:33 Adam Okay. Did I? See, did I? I'm trying to think who I? Mother Love? I don't know. Listen, there's a lot of people that had a lot of bad parenting and turned into pretty good adults. And Robert, at least your grandparents sound like they love you and care for you. And it's real sad. I mean, it's real tough for a kid, especially a boy, and the dad is worthless. Just not coming up to bat. You know what I mean?

4:04 Caller It's worthless.

4:05 Drew I can see why the easier way to deal with it would be to pretend he was dead. But it's never good to pretend.

4:10 Adam Especially when the corpse is masturbating next to you in the bed and you have to kick it until dad to knock it off. And then you confront him the next day. But I'm guessing Robert has been so angry at this guy for so long that how do you defend yourself?

4:26 Drew If you're the dad? I didn't hear you.

4:29 Adam I don't know. That's why I'm definitely if I have a son, he's going to get a different house. Because I need my house for masturbating. I don't even need my room. I mean, I need the house. I like to do it in the kitchen.

4:40 Drew I guess his Adam's family values where they have that special dungeon downstairs. They have to...

4:44 Adam Right.

4:44 Drew Yeah, that's you.

4:45 Adam Yeah.

4:46 Drew Yeah.

4:46 Adam I'm going to stay down there with the dragon. All right. It's Loveline, phone number for Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1, facts number 310-854-4455. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Now, there's a little piece of technology that we've been trying to incorporate into the studio here for as long as I've been on the show, about two and a half years. It's one of these things... Well, I'll give everyone a quick lesson in radio, although I don't know much about radio, but I've seen how things work back there. You can play... You know, like when we do those out of context Drew Drops or any of those radio shows you may listen to, perhaps it's your favorite morning show, where you hear... You hear Austin Powers saying, groovy baby!

5:38 Drew Can I say that?

5:38 Adam Yeah, there you go. And you hear that 14, 15 times a show. Oftentimes it's on what's called a cart. Now, I think cart is abbreviation for cartridge. And they look like an 8-track cassette, but they're small, but they're just on a loop, and they're only a few seconds long. And you punch it into a cart machine, and you hit a button, and it keeps replaying it. But real radio shows have these electronic gadgets, where you put all those carts into one synthesizer, and all you got to do is push the button. And you don't have to let it re-cue or rewind or pull carts in and push another one in. And all that fumbling you hear in the background, those are the morning DJs pulling the carts in and out. Engineer Mike has finally managed to commandeer one of these things after years of trying. And he's programmed it. Now it'll go up to like 40, Mike, or?

6:30 Drew 500.

6:31 Adam 500?

6:32 Drew Yeah.

6:33 Adam Because it only looks like there's about 40 keys there.

6:35 Drew There's 50, but there's 10 channels in each key.

6:39 Adam The possibilities are endless.

6:40 Caller I want a whole panel of Androps.

6:43 Adam Yeah, we'll get some Androps in there.

6:44 Caller Seriously.

6:45 Drew Out of 500, why not?

6:46 Adam Yeah.

6:46 Caller Why not?

6:47 Adam I'll tell you, yeah, just go down to Niagara Falls with a dance player.

6:52 Caller You're so predictable, Adam. I swear to God, you're so damn predictable.

6:57 Adam That's why people love me.

6:58 Caller I know.

6:58 Adam Consistency. It's not predictable. They know they're getting quality. Consistent quality. Thank you. All right. So, engineer Mike has loaded up about the first 15 or 17 stalls in this electronic jam. And a lot of them are out of context, Drew Drops.

7:15 Drew So far, that's all that's there.

7:17 Adam I think Mike ought to just blow through them. Why don't you do one through ten? All right. So, here's our new piece of technology. Brought to you, the Loveline listener.

7:26 Drew This guy is an asshole. Can I say that? I recently went to a fraternity party and got really drunk. I randomly hooked up with a guy and we had sex. I didn't even know his name the next morning. Now he keeps calling me and I don't even still remember his name. I've had anal sex. Is it okay to be in love to a guy twice my age? If anything, I want to be dominated. Ever since I stopped taking Depo-Provera, I've been lactating. When I was 19, I ate about four boiled peyote buttons and stayed up all night but felt no effect. You're fat. Faggot better. You're fat. Faggot better. You're overweight. This guy is an asshole. Asshole.

8:00 Adam Oh, Mike. Mike, you should get a raise. You really should. And what about now? I went in there, Mike, and pushed one, but maybe I pushed it twice. And so maybe instead of number three, that was number 53 or something. But what about the semen in the eye? Is that in there?

8:19 Drew About one week ago, I masturbated and accidentally got semen in my eye. Since then, my eye has been itchy, red and swollen. I'm too embarrassed to tell my doctor what happened.

8:29 Caller You're overweight.

8:30 Drew Doesn't that sound like one of those old Bill Cosby tapes or something? Yeah, it does.

8:35 Adam Yeah, you expect her.

8:39 Caller Bob Newhart.

8:41 Adam Bob Newhart. So, I'd imagine the captain of the submarine would go a little something like this. Yeah, it is kind of funny. It's like listening to Lenny Bruceham or something. Except for...

8:55 Drew They're funny, though.

8:56 Adam Bob Newhart never got semen in his eyes, as far as we know. Well, thanks for that, Engineer Mike. That's really going to come in handy.

9:03 Drew You're fat.

9:04 Adam Jeanette. Is that Jeanette? What's going on? You're 32.

9:09 Caller Yes, I am. Hi, guys. Hey. You're wonderful, both of you.

9:12 Caller Thank you.

9:14 Caller I'm calling because... Okay. It's kind of complicated, but I'll try to quicken it. I have been married for about seven years. My husband is 19 years older than I am. And last fall, because of my career, I moved to a different state. And he was upset at first, but he understood that I had to go. And the plan was, after discussion, he was going to move down here with me.

9:41 Adam Where did you move from?

9:42 Caller New York.

9:43 Adam Oh, they got a lot of strip clubs there.

9:45 Drew To where?

9:46 Caller To Maryland. I work with horses.

9:50 Adam Oh my God, what an act. I would love to see your act, baby.

9:57 Caller Anyway.

9:58 Adam I don't know if they let that stuff go on in Maryland.

10:03 Caller So two weeks ago, he gave me a call. We've been talking. He's come down here. I've gone up there. We've talked on the phone. It's gotten to be about once a week. But last week, I talked to him and he basically gave me an ultimatum. Am I moving back up to New York or are we getting a divorce?

10:22 Adam Really?

10:23 Caller Yeah. So I was kind of thrown by that and I said, well, you're not moving down here. And he said, no, I don't like it down there. I'm staying up here till I retire. Then I'm moving to Florida.

10:34 Drew What does he do for a living?

10:36 Adam He works with chimps.

10:39 Caller No, he works with bathrooms. He installs bathrooms and houses.

10:44 Adam And he's a general contractor.

10:49 Caller Yeah, but he specializes in bathrooms. He works for a guy. His buddy owns his own company and they just redo bathrooms. So I guess my question was, so then after he basically attacked me and gave me my choices and told me to come get my stuff out of the house, he the next night called me up and basically didn't say he was sorry, but said, you know, told me he loved me.

11:20 Drew Jeanette, try to get to the punch here. How can we help you?

11:22 Caller Okay, well, I guess I don't know.

11:25 Drew Was he drinking or anything like that when he told you that stuff?

11:27 Caller No, no, no, he doesn't do any of that.

11:29 Drew He doesn't have any history of any erratic behaviors or anything otherwise?

11:32 Caller A couple of times before he has been, he like, he wants an answer right then and there, and then he'll be okay.

11:41 Drew So he called back and he apologized?

11:43 Caller Basically in his own little way, and now he's, I love you, I miss you. But I asked him last weekend, I said, well, so what's going on? You know, I'm a little confused, and he said, well, I'm confused too, but I love you and miss you, and so I just, I don't know if I should try to, you know, pursue it or-

11:59 Drew How long have you been married?

12:01 Caller Seven years.

12:02 Drew Why did you move away?

12:04 Caller Because my career.

12:06 Drew Didn't you think this could happen? You have trouble?

12:09 Caller Yes, but two years ago, well, a year and a half ago, we tried to, I tried to get another job in New York state that he was willing to move to, and I tried to get a job in Kentucky that he was willing to move to. So I guess I just assumed he would be willing to move to-

12:24 Adam All right, you guys don't communicate real well.

12:26 Drew Yeah, it's like-

12:27 Caller No, we don't.

12:27 Wow.

12:28 Adam And you sort of picked up and moved, and you left a few loose ends.

12:33 Drew You just forgot to ask him if he might want to come along.

12:36 Caller No, I did. I mean, well, I guess I-

12:38 Adam Relax over that.

12:39 Drew I mean, that's what you're saying. I assumed since he'd go to Kentucky, he'd go to Maryland. I just didn't- I forgot to ask him.

12:45 Caller At first I assumed, and then I asked him. I said, well-

12:47 Drew Had you already moved at that point?

12:48 Caller I'm sorry?

12:49 Drew Had you already moved at that point?

12:50 Caller No.

12:51 Adam She'd committed to moving, then.

12:53 Caller Yeah.

12:53 Adam Yeah. Hey, do you have any kids?

12:57 Caller No.

12:58 Adam Your horses are your kids?

12:59 Caller Yeah.

13:00 Adam Okay. I got to say, I don't trust people that work with animals, number one. I always think it's some form of compensation. Either you're an animal person or you're a person person. I think Jeanette may be more of an animal person. You sound all right. I tend to think that you're not really wild about this relationship. I don't necessarily say you want to divorce. You're pretty much okay with picking up and moving. If he comes out, hey, he comes out. But if he doesn't, well, we'll talk about it.

13:30 Drew Yeah, it's startling. It's hardly a relationship.

13:36 Adam He doesn't sound like the world's greatest guy, but it sounds to me...

13:39 Caller I'm just thinking, too, if it was a man who had to up and move, relocate and be there for a while, and I wanted to check it out and make sure that I did like the job down here before he up and sold the house and moved all the way down here, and then I decided that I didn't like it and I wanted to move back. If it was a guy or something, his wife would be expected to move down here.

13:59 Drew No, no.

14:00 Caller You don't think so?

14:01 Drew No, not without a lot of planning and communication and compromise and discussion and sharing. You make the decision together.

14:09 Adam Drew's wife would kick his ass all up and down Pasadena if he tried to pull one of these.

14:15 Drew Absolutely.

14:15 Adam She would probably come over and kick my ass too because she would say I planted the seeds.

14:19 Drew Absolutely.

14:20 Caller Well, the whole thing was our plan when we got married was we were going to be together and get the horse farm together.

14:27 Adam All right, but here's the deal, Jeanette. We're out of time. It's not really a question of who's right and who's wrong and who should have moved and who should have stayed. It's more like you guys got to work on your relationship a little. You got to get the lines of communication back up and running. This guy's a contractor. You know, guys who work around toilets and wood and tile and stuff, they're not really much on talking. Like, I always smile when women say, he apologized in his own way. Right. But he doesn't sound like he's so great at communicating. And Jeanette sounds like there's a little more going on here. She's not so terribly in love and moved for a career, but there's something going on in the relationship. They got to talk about that, not just about the move. Bill, you're 20. Also, I have this theory that people start looking like the animals they're working on too. You ever see those commercials? Would you shut up for a second, Bill? All right. You ever see those commercials where they go, I'm champion breeder, Nancy Kelliwack. And she goes, I've been raising Irish setters for trying, and she skinnies around, has it real bushy red hair. They're like, honey, what do you mean raising Irish setters? You are what?

15:44 Drew You have sired a few.

15:45 Yeah.

15:46 Adam Raise it. That thing's working you. Raising, you let two of them knock you up. Maybe that's what they mean by raising. I don't know. But do you know what I'm talking about, Drew?

15:59 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

16:01 Adam So the moral is if you're gonna work with a certain, like Rita Dung, make it a good looking one or you're gonna look like Marcia Wallace from Bob Newhart.

16:10 Drew Bill.

16:11 Dr. Drew.

16:11 Drew Yeah.

16:12 This question is for you. And I'm wondering about my girlfriend, she takes birth control pills and like on occasion she'll miss one or she'll take it later than her regular time. And I was wondering if that will affect, I know it affects the percentage of how good it works.

16:29 Drew Right.

16:29 So would taking the morning after drug, like say, would that help?

16:33 Like if.

16:34 Drew No, you just, you double it up if you miss it.

16:37 And so then everything will be okay?

16:39 Drew You're supposed to use a second means of contraception because the effectiveness drops way off.

16:44 Okay.

16:44 Adam And why does it drop off so much in one day? Yeah. You know what I mean? I mean, and then you got to take two pills the next day and then the women always say it makes them sick to their stomach when they take the two pills. That's basically when the guy pulls one of those. You know, secretly you're thinking, Christ, I'm glad I don't have to take this crap. But what you're saying is, is, oh, baby. Yeah, that's, could you take one and then take like half of one and then go to work and then take the other half, ground them up, put them in your coffee. But Drew, how is it that you can take something that changes your ovulation and it changes your chemistry?

17:28 Drew It suppresses it. And if you take away the suppression.

17:30 Adam You take it for five years.

17:32 Drew You take away the suppression.

17:33 Adam Ten years. Ten years you take this pill every day and then you miss one day.

17:39 Drew It can happen.

17:40 Adam Yeah, but, okay, let me ask you that.

17:41 Drew It's less likely the longer you've been on it.

17:43 Adam Oh, it is?

17:43 Drew I'm sure of that.

17:44 Adam You think so?

17:45 Drew Yeah.

17:45 Adam If you took it for ten years and you missed a day.

17:48 Drew It'd be less likely than if you'd taken it for three months, I would say. Okay. I don't know that for a fact, but I would suspect that's true.

17:55 Adam Look into that, would you? Leslie.

17:57 Caller Hi.

17:57 Adam Hey, you're 16, you're on Loveline.

18:00 Caller Yeah, today I was upstairs checking the email on my family's computer and I was looking for my email box and there was an email that had been sent out from our computer, but I didn't recognize it and I hadn't sent it. My brother had actually sent it, but in the email, it had like lyrics from the Sesame Street song and then it had like a link to like the playboy.com and he's like 12 years old and like I'm not mad at him for like going to Playboy because I mean he's 12, he's gonna do that, you know? But I wanna talk to him about sex because I know my parents aren't gonna do it.

18:43 Adam Oh boy.

18:44 Caller He's not gonna get anything in like school, anything helpful anyway.

18:48 Adam You know, there should be like a therapy cash register. Here's what I'm saying. It's like walk, you know, walk in the door at nine in your baseball uniform holding your glove. Dad's performing a fellatio on mom, you know, ching ching, six months, you know. You know, date, you find out your best friend's been banging your prom date for three, ching ching, four and a half months, you know, the therapy tote, the therapy. Your sister sitting you down and explaining sex to you at 12, be like ching ching, be like five weeks.

19:25 Caller Yeah. Well, I've already talked to him.

19:26 Adam Wouldn't be a big ring.

19:28 Caller And so I figured it'd be the next progression and my parents aren't going to say anything.

19:32 Adam Well, you know, if you wanted to talk to somebody, I would talk to your parents.

19:37 Drew About talking to him.

19:38 Adam About talking to him.

19:40 Drew And they really, there's evidence out there that if the parents don't begin at some time between 8 and 12, then they shut down forever and turn to their peers for everything.

19:48 Caller Well, see, my parents didn't tell me anything at all. And I got it. And I'm lucky enough to go to high school that has the best and the most open, like, sex ed and health classes in the whole.

20:02 Adam Which high school is that? Drew wants to know so his kids don't end up there.

20:07 Caller No, it's a private school.

20:08 Adam Oh, it is?

20:09 Caller Yeah.

20:10 Adam Is it one of those free-range schools?

20:12 Caller Kind of.

20:12 Adam You call your teacher like, hey Bob, hey Larry.

20:16 Caller Yeah.

20:17 Adam You call your teacher by their first name. They come in wearing like Birkenstocks.

20:21 Caller Yep.

20:22 Adam Oh, yeah.

20:23 Caller Yeah, but he's not going to go to that school. And like, I don't want to have like, in sixth grade, yeah, yeah, he's like in sixth grade, like rumors fly like crazy.

20:34 Adam All right.

20:34 Caller But, Lesley. And I want to talk to him.

20:37 Adam Lesley, Lesley, Lesley. Don't, don't project.

20:41 Drew Yeah.

20:42 Adam You know, just cause your folks didn't tell you, it doesn't mean you have to make it right for your brother. I think, Lesley sound great, and it's a decent enough impulse and all that kind of stuff. But-

20:54 Drew When you're dealing with that eight to 12, wait, wait, wait, wait, eight to 12 age group.

20:57 Adam Yes, Drew.

21:00 Drew Do not discuss, do not bring out overt sexual material. Leave open-ended questions on the table for them to ask you and just answer the questions.

21:11 Adam Well, how do you do that? Give me a couple. Let's say I'm 12.

21:14 Drew I mean, it's not, honey.

21:15 Adam Let's say I'm your son.

21:15 Drew Let me tell you how. We're in the penis.

21:17 Adam Let me be your son. When are you going to discuss this? Or when are you going to pay your nanny to discuss this?

21:22 Drew I'll start dropping hints around 9, 10.

21:24 Adam What kind of hints?

21:25 Drew Just, do you understand this?

21:26 Adam Walk around with the towel off.

21:27 Drew No, do you understand? If something comes up.

21:29 Adam I'll be 9. I'll be-

21:30 Drew Do you understand how this works?

21:31 Adam I'll be Jordan. Go ahead. Yes, Papa.

21:36 Drew Every time you do this, I freak out.

21:37 Your search is falling apart already.

21:39 Adam All right. I'm playing Nintendo. Yes, Papa?

21:45 Drew But see, that's the point. I don't think you should go up. I think it's intrusive to go up and go, we're going to have a talk now. It's just keep leaving, as things come up in the environment, which they inevitably do, just leave open-ended questions and be available to answer further questions and see where they take.

22:00 Adam Let's just say we're all sitting around watching a sitcom.

22:02 Drew Right.

22:02 Adam Okay. This happened to me when I was like 10. I was watching a mod or something, and some black guy came by and dropped off a package or something, and B. Arthur said, is it true what they say about the man, about the black man?

22:20 Drew That doesn't.

22:21 Adam But I was like, what the hell is that? What do you mean, was it true? What does that mean? Are they making fun of him?

22:26 Drew You just answer the question.

22:28 Adam What is it?

22:29 Drew Or just say, to answer it, there's a there's a wives tale out there that black males have larger penises.

22:39 Adam Whose wife? What? You say mommy, you saw a black man's penis?

22:44 Drew No.

22:45 Adam Your wives?

22:46 Drew Maybe, but the fact is I mean, just answer the question.

22:51 Adam Floundering. When we come back, we're going to finish this off with Drew just a little bit. Drew, I really want to train you. This conversation is going to come up pretty soon with you and your life. We're going to have to work on this together. We'll be back.

23:32 Drew Black males have larger penises.

23:34 Caller Oh, wow.

23:38 Adam Engineer Mike, sent himself coffee tonight. Phone number for Loveline.

23:43 Drew You got to enjoy.

23:44 Adam That's right. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. All right. So tomorrow night. Oh, tomorrow night, we have Ednaswap in here. Ednaswap is the band that sings Torn, and it's the band that originally sang Torn, and originally wrote Torn. Now, it wasn't just that they wrote this song, and Natalie Imbruglia.

24:08 Caller Imbruglia.

24:10 Adam What's her name?

24:10 Caller Natalie Imbruglia.

24:12 Adam Natalie Imbruglia.

24:13 Caller Yeah. Gee, silent.

24:15 Adam Who's that guy in her video? Is that like her boyfriend or something? You see her in that video? She's dancing around.

24:21 Caller Yeah.

24:22 Adam Let me give you my take on videos real fast. Oh, please. I want people to do something. Seeing them like a little slice of their life, not interested. I'll go to the F in 7-Eleven and watch the monitor for the camera that goes out into the dairy section if I want to see people standing around.

24:39 Caller Adam, what?

24:40 Caller What's your favorite video?

24:42 Adam Taboo 2.

24:43 Drew Girls on film.

24:44 Adam Yeah. I like that Beastie Boys sabotage one a lot because it's kind of funny. It's got like a Starsky and Hutch thing going on. It was well thought out. You could see a storyboard there. Natalie Imbruglia there, just looking at the guy, kissing him, hugging him, then a piece of the set falls over. I don't know. It's like, honey, you're really cute, and it's fun to watch you, but no one's that good looking. I want to see somebody do something in a video, not just have a relationship. I don't want to see three minutes of her getting a fight with her boyfriend.

25:20 Caller Do you like the big hairband videos?

25:21 Caller Yes.

25:22 Caller The drum kid like...

25:23 Caller Cherry pie.

25:25 Adam Cherry pie is the best one, because there's a song that goes somewhere. The guy is singing about cherry pie, and then the chick comes out in the pie outfit.

25:33 Drew When we had her on the show a few years ago.

25:35 Adam The cherry pie chick?

25:36 Drew What's her name? Bobby Brown? She's resurfaced recently, keeps seeing her on Xtra and Xs Hollywood. What is that all about?

25:43 Adam She must be banging someone else in a band.

25:45 Drew She'll be here. Adam will have her here.

25:46 Caller Wasn't she going out with Tommy?

25:48 Drew Oh, that's the story. She started telling the inside story.

25:51 Adam Oh, Bobby Brown is the one in the cherry pie video? Who sings that cherry pie song? Humble Pie? No, Warrant? Yeah, that's a good video. That's a serious video.

26:04 Caller The one with the chick that lays on across the Jaguar?

26:07 Adam That's a poster. Oh, that's Whitesnake. No, no, no, seriously, though, like the Smashing Pumpkins.

26:12 Caller Oh, you don't like that one?

26:13 Adam No, that's good, but the Smashing Pumpkins one where they're like in the boat and they go down into the ocean and they fall overboard. You know, that slower Smashing Pumpkins song that they played at the MTV Awards like two years ago? Tonight, Tonight. Tonight, Tonight. Yeah, that's a good video. Something I can watch.

26:32 All right. Okay.

26:35 Adam Where are we, Drew? Oh, yeah.

26:36 Drew Oh, yeah.

26:37 Adam We got that part out. So anyway, Drew's kids are all five, right?

26:40 Drew Yeah.

26:41 Adam And they're nuts with the computer already, right? Especially Jordan.

26:45 Yeah.

26:46 Adam He can work his way around that computer hell of a lot better than I can, right?

26:49 Oh, yeah.

26:50 Adam Okay. You can just say yeah.

26:51 Caller No, I mean, yeah.

26:52 Adam You don't have to indicate it.

26:53 Drew I had to, I had to, no, I mean, I had to sort of learn computer to keep up with him.

26:57 Adam Right. So here's a guy who could stumble on to one of these porno websites. No problem.

27:04 Drew Yeah. When he starts reading, we're going to have a problem.

27:06 Adam When he stopped from reading, that's what my folks did. Look at me. Look at me now.

27:10 Yes.

27:12 Drew Brilliant.

27:12 Adam It was great. We'd be sitting around the dinner table. I'd be 15 years old. And one of them say, where did you hide Adam's Christmas present this year? And the other would just write it down on scratch pad and hold it up from across the table. I'd just look at it, but I couldn't figure out what that word was. All right. So anyway, Drew, you're going to have to talk to them about sex maybe earlier.

27:34 Drew No, I think 8 to 10 is still the time.

27:36 Adam 8 to 10?

27:36 Drew To start.

27:37 Adam Your folks never talked to you about that, did they?

27:38 No. Yeah.

27:40 Adam Well, it was free. You figured folks would have done it and cost them anything.

27:48 Drew Black males have larger penises.

27:50 Adam Hold on. Jed.

27:52 Yeah.

27:53 Adam You're 17.

27:54 Caller Yep.

27:54 What's going on?

27:57 Caller My girlfriend, she's 16 years old and she was diagnosed with Bren's cancer a year ago.

28:02 Really?

28:02 Caller Yeah.

28:03 Drew So she had a mastectomy?

28:05 Caller No. She didn't do anything about it. Why? I have no idea. I just met, we just hooked up.

28:12 Drew And her parents?

28:16 Caller To tell her story would take way too long.

28:19 Adam Oh, yes. But when you say cancer, though, do you mean cancer or do you mean a cyst?

28:24 Caller No, cancer. It's not, it's not benign.

28:28 Adam Okay.

28:28 Drew Breast cancer.

28:29 Adam Right. How rare is that for someone who's 16?

28:32 Drew Unheard of in my, I have never come across anything like that.

28:34 Caller Well, her sister, who is 19, just had a full hysterectomy the day before yesterday to get rid of cervical cancer.

28:40 Drew Well, Jed, that has nothing to do with breast cancer.

28:42 Caller Well, it's just, it's family, you know.

28:45 Drew Breast cancer can have a genetic basis, can go in families. But then it's obvious, all the women get it.

28:52 Caller Yeah. Well, anyway.

28:54 Adam They gotta start drinking bottled water, that group. I don't know.

28:58 Drew No, I mean, young women get cervical cancer. That's common.

29:01 Caller Yeah.

29:01 Adam All right, but both sisters, I mean, they're living too close to the power lines or something.

29:06 Drew No, the young, the other one that had cervical cancer undoubtedly started having sex at a young age and has herpes or warts and got the cancer. I mean, that's the way it happens.

29:16 Adam Really?

29:17 Drew Yeah, but the breast cancer, that is rare.

29:20 Adam All right, so what did they do about it?

29:23 Caller Well, she hasn't done anything. She's starting to, she's starting to know, I'm making her, you know, start going to the doctor. She hasn't even gone to the doctor for almost a year.

29:32 Adam They diagnosed breast cancer and then...

29:36 Caller She wouldn't go to the doctor. She refused.

29:38 Drew And who, who, who is in charge of this young lady?

29:42 Caller Her mother is in Idaho. And her stepdad's a raging alcoholic and blah, blah, blah.

29:50 Drew But does her mom know she has breast cancer? And the mom doesn't care?

29:54 Caller I guess not.

29:56 Adam Well, something's wrong with mom because mom married the alcoholic guy who probably, did he molest her?

30:04 Caller No.

30:04 Adam He didn't do anything to her?

30:06 Caller No.

30:07 Adam Well, that's, okay.

30:10 Drew So she's going to have a mastectomy, right?

30:13 Adam You have to have a mastectomy when you're-

30:15 Caller My question is, does breast cancer metastasize?

30:21 Drew Yes.

30:23 Caller And she's starting to have like shocking pains in her, in her lower back, off to the side by her kidney.

30:29 Drew That's typically where it goes, is the spine.

30:33 Caller The spine?

30:33 Yeah.

30:36 Caller And that was what I was wondering. She told me about this a few days ago.

30:39 Drew Yeah, this is the- Yeah, you're describing a total disaster to me.

30:44 Yeah.

30:45 Drew I mean, this is a disaster. Breast cancer is a treatable condition. If it's caught early. If it's caught early, yeah. And a young person, to catch it, no, it doesn't have to be. Adam has to have mastectomy. No, you can have lumpectomy and radiation. There's all kinds of options these days. But something that's gone this far, it's going to be all over the place. I mean, can you see the tumor now?

31:05 Caller No, I can feel it.

31:06 Drew You can feel it, though.

31:07 Caller And she's got another one that's starting to grow on the other side.

31:11 Adam Side? Who is her doctor? Is it like a free clinic or something?

31:16 Caller No, I don't know who the doctor was.

31:18 Adam Well, I mean, here's my point.

31:20 Drew Why didn't somebody else track her down?

31:21 Adam If she went to see Drew, Drew would get a secretary. No, he would call personally. Drew would follow up.

31:29 Drew I'd freak out. I'd have to be like...

31:32 Adam Right, right. But here's my point. If she's going, if her family is what I'm picturing, then they may not have great health coverage. And maybe she's just going to a county hospital, in which case they're not following up.

31:46 Caller I don't know. I don't talk to her very much about, very in deep about that. I basically have to rip everything out of her that I can, you know, just to get any kind of information. If she doesn't like talking about that a lot, but.

31:59 Drew She's not going to live very much longer if what you're telling us is accurate.

32:02 Caller And that's what I was wondering. And I'm not sure. I mean, I'm, I'm a pre-med student. I'm first year pre-med. And I don't have any real, real knowledge. But I mean, when she told me she was starting to have pain in her kidneys.

32:14 Drew I have to tell you, I have to tell you that the overwhelming probability is that she's lying to you.

32:21 Caller I hope so.

32:21 Drew That's the overwhelming probability that this is, she doesn't have breast cancer.

32:25 Caller I hope it's benign. I know there's the fibrous.

32:28 Drew Of course. I mean, you know, both sides of the cysts, she's typical for that age.

32:32 Adam Jed, you're 17, you're pre-med.

32:34 Caller Yeah.

32:35 Adam Why do you hooked up with this chick for? I mean, I mean, she sounds nuts and her family sounds nuts.

32:40 Caller She's not nuts. I mean, she's, she's a really good girl.

32:43 Drew Jed.

32:43 Caller I love her to death.

32:44 Drew Yeah, but Jed, she's got issues.

32:46 Caller She does, but she keeps them out of the relationship.

32:49 Drew No, no, she's-

32:50 Caller I'm the one that initiates this.

32:52 Drew I understand, but she's brought him in. And if, if it's, if nothing else, if this is all lying about the tumor and stuff, this, this is the kind of chaos you can expect. And if it's not, it's even that much more serious.

33:04 Adam All right. But you know, I think this is like suicide. I mean, you got to take it seriously.

33:09 Drew Oh, absolutely.

33:09 Adam And Jed has to, and thank God she hooked up with the guy who was pre-med.

33:16 Drew There's a real misconception about medical training. I mean, you don't know anything about medical illness until your third year of medical school.

33:22 Adam I know, but at least you can have a conversation.

33:24 Drew Yeah.

33:24 Adam Because most of the guys we talk to, she got herself a, she got like a loogie or something under her boob. And I'm hoping the loogie don't fall down, drop into her, her twat area. You know, are we allowed to say that?

33:41 Drew Can I say that?

33:41 Adam Mike doesn't know. By the way, I think Mike knows he just doesn't care. That's the new thing. But I mean, he's talking about metastasizing and kidneys, and you know, you're able to actually have a conversation with the lab. Good point, good point. All right. I think that's helpful. So anyway, Jed's got to, he's got to get her to help.

34:00 Yep.

34:00 Adam And then they'll make the decisions.

34:03 Yeah.

34:03 Adam You're 16.

34:04 Caller Yeah. My girlfriend is like, pressure me to have sex, and I don't know what to do. I mean, it's happened like she was talking to her friends about this spring social dance thing. It's like she's like, my friend told me this, that she was talking to one of her girlfriends, like saying, oh yeah, I slept with my boyfriend, you know, was so good, you know, and like she's one of those girls that has to keep up with everybody else, has to do like somebody's in an outfit, she has to get to do an outfit, she won't get to new shoes, get to new shoes.

34:32 Adam So. Brenda gives her boyfriend a hand job. She's got to give Matt a hand job.

34:39 Caller Yeah, she's like, I don't know what to do.

34:42 Adam Yeah. Well, what's up? How long have you guys been going out?

34:47 Caller Like three months.

34:48 Adam Three months. You like her?

34:49 Caller Yeah, she's really cool, but it just came out the blue, you know?

34:52 Adam All right. Are you sexually attracted to her?

34:56 Caller Yeah, but I'm not going to do that because I'm a bit like a Catholic slash Jewish background.

35:01 Adam Oh, Catholic and Jewish.

35:04 Drew One, two punch.

35:05 Caller Yeah, my mom's Catholic.

35:06 Adam That's rough. Cheap and guilty. That's rough.

35:11 Drew Well, so I understand. What are you asking us?

35:14 Caller Like, I had talked this over with my father. He's a gynecologist and he was like-

35:22 Adam He's got to be the Jewish one.

35:23 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

35:27 Adam Catholics, they don't go to med school.

35:30 Caller He's telling me that, oh, it's your decision. All he knows is that there's many things I see every day with these girls.

35:38 Adam Hold on. Matt, we're running late for break here. I want to go to break and then I really want to explore the conversation you had with the rabbi gynecologist. All right? Just hang on a second because, listen, Ike, you know, when I was 16, if my dad walked past my hamper, I turned beet red. I couldn't imagine my dad talking about-

36:03 Drew It's sort of the topic for the night, isn't it?

36:04 Adam Yeah, but you know, it's funny is, his dad is talking to him about vaginas, like a cop talks to him about safety on the street. You don't know what it's like out there. You don't know what I see. I'm working South Central division, Rampart division, junkies, pimps, call girls, a lot of things going down out there. You don't want to be out there. He's giving this whole speech, but it's about vaginas. All right, this is going to be good. We'll be back.

37:01 Hi, this is Miles.

37:02 Adam Joey.

37:03 Caller And Tony. From Fastball, and you're listening to Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

37:09 Adam Yes, you is. Phone number for Loveline, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Hey, Jonathan Silverman is coming in here on Sunday.

37:19 Huh.

37:21 Adam We like him.

37:22 Drew Is he got new something?

37:24 Adam He must have something new.

37:25 Drew Can't hear you.

37:26 Adam Oh, he's doing a movie? Okay, we'll talk to him about that. Also next week, West Side Connection. Who's that?

37:35 Drew Ice Cube.

37:35 Adam Ice Cube? Is that them?

37:37 Caller Yeah.

37:37 Adam All right, I'm down with that. Yeah, you are. Mac 15 and the rest of the boys.

37:42 Caller Uh-huh, exactly.

37:43 Drew Todd McCormick, the guy that filled a mansion with marijuana.

37:46 Adam Oh, he's coming in?

37:47 Drew Yep. Is Harrelson coming with him?

37:50 Caller No, Brett didn't want to do it with him.

37:52 Drew What?

37:52 Caller Todd called and Brett said, I want to do it on my own.

37:56 Adam Really?

37:57 Caller I swear.

37:58 Adam And John Taylor will be in here. You remember him from Duran Duran and then I think the Neurotic Outsiders and hey, once in a while I pull one out of my ass, Andrew.

38:09 Wow, that's good.

38:10 Adam Yeah, that's a good one. And what else? What's he got? He's got some new projects?

38:15 Caller Solo and he's in town.

38:16 Adam Oh, okay.

38:16 Caller Performing. Doing some shows.

38:18 Adam Nice guy. Okay, so settle down. Who loves him? Is that Lisa? Yeah. And I think I asked last time John was in here, if he put his penis through a sheet of plywood, I mean, not rammed it through because that would hurt it, but I just augured out a hole and he just put his penis through it. Would you would you grab it? You would, wouldn't you? You would, right? Just through the plywood. And we put like a little hole up top so we could have a cigarette hanging through that hole too. Lisa? No, I wouldn't. You wouldn't? If if no one was looking? No. Yes. And then you'd be able to say you you dated him.

39:01 Caller You're mean.

39:07 Adam That'd be so funny. And then I'd jump out from behind the plywood and yell, yes, yes, you can wash all you want. You'll never get clean.

39:15 Drew Where where were you tonight before you came here?

39:20 Why were you just giddy?

39:22 Adam No, I was just out to eat.

39:23 Drew Did you have wine or something?

39:24 Adam No, I had a beer.

39:25 Who were you with?

39:26 Adam I had a light beer. Nothing exciting.

39:28 Caller You're dressed up.

39:29 Adam Yeah, a little business meeting. Matt?

39:32 Caller Yeah.

39:32 Adam You're 16? What's going on?

39:34 Drew No, Matt is the guy we were talking to with the gynecologist dad.

39:38 Adam Oh, that's right.

39:39 Drew You see, you're not right.

39:40 Adam No, what do you mean? I always do that. I haven't talked to him in like...

39:43 Drew Four minutes.

39:44 Adam No, it's been like 10 minutes. All right, Matt's father is Jewish, mom's Catholic. Matt has a girlfriend who's been going out with for about three months. She wants to have some sex because she's got to keep up with the Joneses. And Matt's not so sure he wants to have sex, so he had a little discussion with his gynecologist father.

40:07 Drew And how did it go?

40:09 Caller It was really weird. I talked to my dad about it.

40:11 Drew How did you bring it up?

40:15 Caller It was like, hey, dad, you know, me and Lauren have been going out, and she brought up the question on sex, and he like flipped out first.

40:25 Adam Oh, he did?

40:25 Drew What? What did he do?

40:26 Caller Oh, he's like, what? Are you sure? Are you sure? You know, I mean...

40:30 Adam Did he bring up a dead relative or if your uncle Moisha could see you now? He didn't do that?

40:38 Drew From a Sarah?

40:44 Adam He didn't bring up a dead relative?

40:45 Caller No.

40:46 Adam So it wasn't too bad?

40:48 Drew My first reaction when a kid said that to me would be, how thank you for bringing it up and bringing it to me and how tough it must be for you.

40:56 Adam Did he flip out that you brought it up or did he just flip out over the notion that you may be having sex?

41:02 Caller Both. I mean not the first one but the second one about the...

41:07 Drew That he's going to have sex.

41:09 Caller Right.

41:09 Adam So what did he explain to you?

41:12 Caller He like, well it was like late night, late at night. And I told him about it. Then he's like, he was tired so he talked about tomorrow. So tomorrow he would come back home from work, get something like, maybe around like nine. And he like brought these pictures of like, the graphic pictures of what happens to like both genitalia when STPs are sexually transmitted.

41:37 Drew Oh my God.

41:38 Adam His poor secretary.

41:39 Drew This I would not do to a kid.

41:41 Adam Poor secretary, yeah. Clarice, go into the reject file and pull me out. It's like scared straight. Yeah. That's what it is. It's like, you remember when you took driver's ed and you saw blood on the highway? That's what this is.

41:56 Drew Yeah. That's what he's doing. I don't think that's a good one.

41:59 Adam So he showed you pictures of vaginas with advanced syphilis.

42:04 Drew This is like reefer madness. This is trying to do it.

42:07 Adam So he showed you what he do. Show you a bunch of gristly penises and things like that. What kind of bedside manners is for a gynecologist? He needs skills.

42:23 Caller No, he only does it to me because I'm like his only son.

42:26 Drew All right, so what's the bottom line here? What can we do for you?

42:29 Caller I don't know. I talked to my dad. He said, I know I can't stop you. You know, it's your decision. You do. I have an older sister and he wanted to tie her up in the basement.

42:38 Drew Well, that of course is appropriate.

42:40 Adam That's a healthy. That's a healthy thought.

42:42 Caller Because she's his only girl and I'm his only boy. And so he wants me to like wait till marriage.

42:49 Adam And yeah, that's going to cost him.

42:52 Caller And I don't know about that, but I don't know about 16 years.

42:56 Drew All right, listen, you're not ready for you. You're clear on that. So don't be in a hurry and don't be afraid to say no when somebody's trying to pressure you. And this doesn't sound like much of a girlfriend really anyway, if she's really that sort of interested in just keeping up with other people rather than focused on the relationship with you. Make sure your needs are met in the relationship. Make sure she hears how you feel. That's all. Don't be afraid.

43:24 Adam Imagine your dad, the overbearing gynecologist.

43:27 Drew Imagine my kids, the radio show, the talk show. I think I have to cut me. That's a disaster. What is going to go through there?

43:33 Adam That's its own disaster. That really is. You're going to have to, you know what?

43:39 Drew Go home tonight and talk to them?

43:40 Adam No. Let's just say move them to another country and raise them.

43:43 Drew Why?

43:44 Adam It doesn't look like Japan. They need to be raised in a different culture. It's not going to work out because, Drew, your star just keeps getting brighter and brighter. So those kids are going to be humiliated. Your dad on the radio talking about penises and the shankers and all sorts of stuff like that. God, that is bizarre, man. They had brought home pictures of things with big herpes sores on it. Oh boy. Maggie?

44:11 Caller Yeah.

44:12 Adam You're 19.

44:13 Caller Sure am.

44:16 Adam I bet he was thinking, Jesus Christ, dad, you couldn't have worked in a hardware store or something. You had to be a gynecologist.

44:22 Drew What's going on, Maggie?

44:24 Caller Well, my fiance is, he's out on the road right now. He's on a hitchhiking trip. We've been together, it'll be three years at the end of the month.

44:34 Drew How old is he?

44:35 Caller He's 20.

44:36 Caller All right.

44:37 Caller And we have a two-year-old daughter. And basically off and on, he's been helping me, but we've lived together ever since we've been together.

44:47 Adam And now let me translate hitchhiking trip, acid trip. That's like the guys of all the Grateful Dead and stuff. They do acid and then they hitchhike their way across the United States. And then they come home six months later. They don't remember different personality. I think I was in Albuquerque, but I can't remember.

45:04 Caller Oh, it's not an acid trip. I mean, he was unhappy and he said he wanted to go and find himself. And I said, OK, if you need to go, go. But now he's coming back for at the end of the month. He said he's going to stay for a couple of days and then he wants to leave again.

45:19 Caller And where's he going?

45:21 Caller He wants to go to Alaska.

45:23 Caller Oh, boy.

45:24 Adam But he's one of these hippie guys, right?

45:26 Caller Uh, he says he's not, but he is a card, I think.

45:31 Adam Yeah.

45:32 Caller And I'm just ready. I mean, I don't know what to do. He just has never grown up. I've basically been.

45:38 Adam How old is he?

45:39 Caller He's 20.

45:39 Drew That's what it sounds like, Maggie.

45:41 Adam Yeah. And believe me, time does not heal these guys. I have friends that do this.

45:47 Drew They still do it at 35.

45:49 Adam Yeah. Yeah. 33. But yeah, they still do it. They just keep going. It's basically they're always talking about finding themselves. They're always talking about experiencing life. And meanwhile, they want to borrow 10 bucks so they can find themselves. It's really sort of, it's narcissism.

46:05 Drew Oh, yeah.

46:06 Adam Ultimately, they're doing their thing and screw you and screw anyone around them. Screw their parents, screw whoever. In your case, screw you, screw your kid, which is his kid.

46:19 Drew Again, think how much failure there is here in his capacity to empathize for your mutual child's needs. It's like they don't matter. This is serious time in the child's development. I mean, your child needs the father around and it's, I'd rather go hitchhiking. Wow. I'm gonna be back for a little while, but then I'm going to Alaska.

46:39 Adam Hey, Maggie. But here's your part. This guy, you tell him to take his thumb, stick it out, and then put it in his ass. And-

46:49 Drew Put his head in there with it?

46:50 Adam But his stuff is good, yes. See if you can tell him to put his head in his ass and see if he can't flag down a ride on his lower intestines, all right? Okay. The guy's an idiot.

47:02 Caller Well-

47:03 Adam And here's the deal. Here's what you tell him. You tell him you leave, you're not coming back.

47:07 Caller Yeah, that's what I'm planning on, but I didn't know-

47:09 Adam And call him Shaggy from Scooby Doo.

47:13 Drew Let him come back, but- So you can have a face-to-face conversation.

47:16 Adam Listen, here's the deal.

47:17 Drew It's still the child's dad, so-

47:18 Adam Yeah, the guy comes back and you tell him, look, go hitchhike, hitchhike to hell, and you're gonna pay though, I guarantee it. And believe me, they got these laws now. I was watching an old thing on A&E today about-

47:34 Drew Debbie Dads.

47:35 Adam On Moms Mabley. Wait a minute, Ma Barker.

47:40 Drew Yeah.

47:40 Adam And I don't know, I don't know. Ma Barker, a great gang, her sons, there's this mom in the 30s and she had these four sons, and they all just went out and shot Rob Banks.

47:53 Drew Right.

47:54 Adam It's always kind of fun like in the old days, you know, kind of Bonnie and Clyde kind of stuff, Tommy Guns and Stetson Hats and things like that. But the reality is, is these guys just shot people right in the face and stuff.

48:05 Drew That's right.

48:05 Adam The Barker gang was horrible. I mean, they were vicious. They would go into a bank, they'd kick the door open, they'd go to rob the place. And if anyone said anything, they'd just take a shotgun, blow the guy's head off, and they'd kill five people, and they'd blow out of town again. But these guys, these guys blew in and out of, but they would just move and you couldn't find them anymore. There's no radios, no computers, there's none of this internet tracking, there's nothing, you just leave. This deadbeat hippie though, they can track him. Tag the guy like caribou, watch him migrate around the country. All right, I'll be back with more stories after this. Hey, it is Loveline! Yeah. Alright, we're gonna get to the bottom of this. We're gonna take a little ten second break, and we'll be right back.

49:32 Caller This is Loveline on Radio Station.

49:39 We're the G's for hot on your radio dial.

49:42 Caller Oh, you're right there.

49:43 Loveline on 127.

49:50 Adam Loveline, 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. No, that was Mamie Kizzee. Moms Mowboy. What do you think the name is?

49:59 Drew I don't know.

50:00 Adam Mams Mowboy?

50:01 Drew I don't know.

50:04 Adam Who is that? You know that name though, right?

50:06 Drew Yeah, it just sounds familiar.

50:07 Adam But fairly clearly. We know what it is.

50:09 Caller Why don't we open the phone lines and let people call in?

50:12 Adam Ann, you know who that is?

50:13 Caller No.

50:13 Adam You ever heard of that name?

50:14 Caller No.

50:14 Adam No?

50:15 Caller Sherri? Sherri has.

50:17 Caller What?

50:18 Adam Moms Mably?

50:19 Caller Yeah.

50:20 Adam Who is that?

50:23 Caller She's a really old, I don't know even if she's still alive, but she was a comedian and she was like, she was like toothless and she had like this big old hat.

50:31 She'd be like talking about old, young studs and stuff.

50:35 Adam Was that Old Black Woman?

50:36 Caller Yeah.

50:36 Adam Yes. All right. See? And wasn't it Moms Mably?

50:41 Caller We.

50:41 Adam See? All right. See? I knew Sherri knew. Lisa's too busy thinking about John Taylor's penis.

50:51 Caller How long ago was the last time Mom Mably or whatever performed?

50:56 Adam Oh, it had to be 50 years.

50:58 Caller Yeah. Okay. Thank you.

50:59 Adam Okay. When did Napoleon do his last battle though, Anne?

51:04 Caller Oh yeah. And she's in the same camp.

51:06 Adam Let me just take some calls. That's what this show's about. April.

51:09 Caller Yeah.

51:10 Adam You're 21.

51:11 Caller Yeah.

51:12 Adam Hey, Mike, though, could you look up in the computer? Maybe you could find a picture of her or something. God, love that Sherri.

51:19 Caller All right.

51:20 Adam April?

51:20 Caller Yeah.

51:21 Adam What's going on?

51:22 Caller A friend of mine, a couple of weeks ago, she just came out to her parents and told them that she had been abusing a variety of different drugs for the last probably four years and she's only 18. And so I was just wondering what's the best thing to do. At the time, she wanted to go through counseling and now she is thinking twice about it and she doesn't want to.

51:43 Drew Is she an addict?

51:44 Caller What was that?

51:45 Drew Is she addicted?

51:46 Caller For what she says, I guess, yeah.

51:48 Drew What is she doing?

51:50 Caller She said that she's been huffing, doing crank.

51:53 Drew What's huffing? What's huffing?

51:54 Caller Well, she called it huffing.

51:55 Adam Well, it's huffing isn't bad, but huffing leads to puffing and puffing leads to blowing the house down.

52:03 Caller Like smelling gas and huffing the house.

52:05 Drew You're just cracking your own ass up tonight. That's why you do something wrong with it.

52:10 Adam She's smelling gas?

52:11 Caller Yeah, I guess.

52:12 Adam Drew, you're going to be smelling gas in about five minutes. Oh, all right, all right. So yeah, that's bad. That kills your brain cells.

52:23 Caller Yeah.

52:23 Drew But what else is she doing? Because these are not necessarily addictive behaviors. This is a drug abuse.

52:28 Caller Yeah, exactly.

52:29 Drew So she's not got strung out of anything. She's not using anything every day.

52:32 Caller Well, she told her mom that she was doing crank every day before school, and she kept vodka in her locker.

52:40 Drew All right. Okay. Well, then she's treated with vodka.

52:42 Adam What's the theme tonight? Come clean with your folks. You know what I mean? Is there a theme? Is everyone telling their folks about stuff? We start off the beginning of the show, a guy tells his dad, hey, I caught you whacking off. Then we got a guy, you know, a half hour later, he's telling his dad, my girlfriend wants to have sex with me. What should I do? Now we have, for Christ's sake, an 18 year old, Huffer, going to her mom and saying, hey, I got a problem with drugs, I bring vodka in, I do crank. But who says this to their parents?

53:13 Drew Well, it's good that they're doing it.

53:14 Adam It is, but I gotta wonder, she must hate her mom, right?

53:19 Drew Pretty much.

53:19 Adam Yeah, you hate your mom when you tell her that you've been trying to kill yourself, essentially.

53:24 Drew All right, well, she needs to be treated, she needs to be treated in a hospital, it sounds like. What more can I say? I don't know her, it's not her calling. It is a very serious situation. It's hard for an 18, 17-year-old to participate or embrace the process of treatment. It really requires a sense of oneself, which is pretty fully developed, and an interpersonal skill, which allows someone to connect on very intimate issues. If she's got all that, she can get treatment in quite well.

53:52 Adam By the way, this adds, Creen, to my theory, which is whenever somebody comes clean with someone and tells them the truth, it's usually sort of F-U. You know what I mean? When the woman tells her husband she's been cheating with the pool guy, it's F-U. When an 18-year-old says to mom, listen, I drink a quart of vodka before school every day, F-U. It's nice that they're coming clean, but the reason they're coming clean is the F-U part. I usually believe that. Ben.

54:23 Yeah.

54:23 Adam You're 20.

54:24 Caller I've got a question for Drew. Yeah, I went to a coffee house about three days ago and they have a steak special, like $5.99, all you can eat, 12-ounce steak with baked potato and a salad and dinner roll and a drink. Is it good to be Drew?

54:48 Adam Chives and sour cream? Yeah, yeah. Is that on the side or they put that on the potato?

54:52 Caller They put it on the side.

54:53 Drew Is the potato wrapped in foil or do they put it on the barbecue?

54:56 Caller It's wrapped in foil.

54:59 Adam Now, when they break the top, do they scrunch the potato up so it sort of volcanoes out or do they sort of chop it up?

55:04 Caller No, this is one of those places that will microwave all your food so they can get it out to you in about three minutes. Nothing's ever quite cooked.

55:13 Adam Is a salad just a regular dinner salad?

55:15 Caller Yeah.

55:16 Adam Is that Caesar or anything like that?

55:18 Caller No, nothing special.

55:18 Adam But it's your choice of dressing, right?

55:20 Caller Yeah.

55:20 Adam Thousand Island Ranch, French.

55:23 Caller But anyway, I'm calling about...

55:24 Adam Wait a minute, what?

55:27 Caller I'm calling because I think I...

55:29 Adam Is that the Italian?

55:31 Caller Worms.

55:32 Adam Oh, worms, yeah.

55:33 Caller Yeah.

55:33 Adam Sorry.

55:34 Drew What about worms?

55:34 Caller And I was wondering how I could get rid of them.

55:37 Drew What worms are you talking about?

55:38 Caller I think the pinworm. It's just like a quarter of an inch. It's not very...

55:45 Adam Are those the ones you think I have, Drew?

55:47 Drew Yeah.

55:48 Caller Well, 80% of the population in the United States supposedly has them, right?

55:54 Drew I don't know this that high. Oh, come on.

55:56 Adam My asshole is starting to itch.

55:57 Drew The little kids get those.

55:59 Adam Just hearing that.

55:59 Drew Have you been around any children lately?

56:01 Caller No.

56:03 Adam And do you get them from beef?

56:05 Drew How did you notice this?

56:07 Caller It just happened like maybe four or five hours after going to this coffee place to have this.

56:16 Drew It has nothing to do with that. I guarantee you.

56:18 Caller Okay.

56:18 Drew So how did you notice you have these?

56:22 Caller It just started itching really bad and I don't know.

56:26 Adam Did it itch at night and in the morning especially?

56:29 Caller Just at night.

56:30 Drew I told you Adam. That's when the worms come out.

56:33 Caller Yeah.

56:33 Drew And so what? You just found one there? Well, there's usually, I think it's just even one dose.

56:40 Adam Where do you find them? I mean, like on a piece of toilet paper or your?

56:44 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

56:46 Adam There you go.

56:47 Caller Okay. What does it look like?

56:48 Drew The little tiny little itty bitty worms that squirm around.

56:51 Adam Could you imagine?

56:52 Caller Oh, I would die.

56:53 Adam You know what I would do?

56:54 Caller Are they white?

56:55 Drew No, they're itsy bitsy, itsy bitsy.

56:57 Caller What color are they?

56:58 Drew They're like, they're like a neutral color.

57:02 Caller Yeah, neutral.

57:03 Caller Did you freak out?

57:04 Adam Why, you think they're going to clash with your panties?

57:07 Caller With my sheets.

57:10 Drew They're no children in your household?

57:11 Caller No.

57:12 Caller Did you freak?

57:14 Drew No, they're very common.

57:15 Adam Yeah.

57:15 Caller If I found a worm in my butt, I would freak.

57:18 Adam I would freak too. I'd go cramp on the lawn and then I would run as fast as I could.

57:23 Caller I tried to drag my butt on the carpet.

57:25 Right.

57:27 Adam I really would. I would just run like I know that would be my instinct, just run as fast as I could run.

57:34 Drew Running away from your rear end?

57:37 Adam You figure, I know it's not healthy, but it's like when you catch on fire, people run even though it just fans the flames, it would be an impulse.

57:45 Drew As I remember, the treatment is a single dose of a bendazole or something like that. There are various-

57:51 Adam Bendazole? Bend over? That's all?

57:53 Drew I can't reach what it is.

57:54 Caller Yeah, I've heard that a million times.

57:56 Drew Yeah, you just go to the doctor, get it treated and that's it. It's over.

57:59 Caller Okay.

57:59 Drew But it has nothing to do with your baked potato and steak.

58:02 Adam It doesn't? You can't get that from raw steak or something? You don't think so?

58:07 Drew I have to look it up, but I-

58:07 Adam Well, how does it get into you? I mean, can you ingest it and then it works its way all the way through your track and then comes out down there?

58:15 Drew I think it's usually by person to person kind of contact, though, if I remember right.

58:19 Adam But don't you have to ingest it in like an egg form?

58:22 Drew See.

58:23 Adam Because the live worm wouldn't make it through you alive, would it?

58:28 Drew It has to contaminate something, right?

58:30 Caller Yeah.

58:31 Adam So you have to get like-

58:33 Drew Adam would have to look it up. I mean, I have to bring the textbook.

58:35 Adam Hey, we done looking up Moms Mabley, the engineer, Mike. Could you look up Pinworm, please?

58:40 No.

58:42 Adam Okay.

58:43 Drew I've treated it a couple of times. It's very simple to treat.

58:46 Adam Does the doctor have to-

58:49 Drew You're supposed to take some tape and put it in the vicinity during the night and they get stuck on the tape.

58:55 Adam Oh, that's nice. Yeah.

58:56 Drew Like a two-sided tape.

58:58 Adam But it'd be funny, though, if you pull the tape off at the end, there's like a raccoon, something else there.

59:03 Caller Well, with you, that would be torture with all that hair.

59:05 Caller What would you do?

59:06 Drew You'd never find the tape again.

59:08 Caller Oh, and it's kind of painful. Yeah.

59:12 Adam Yeah. I swear, if a doctor told me to do that, I think I'd have a lawsuit. I really would. So you do have to document it. When you go in for this, does the guy have to take a look or can you just take the guy's word for it and give you the medication?

59:28 Drew You should document it.

59:30 Adam You should take a look.

59:30 Caller Yeah.

59:32 Adam Do you use a stick?

59:33 Caller No.

59:34 Adam Oh, that's a deal breaker. Todd?

59:38 Yes.

59:39 Caller Uh-oh.

59:41 Adam You're 27?

59:42 Caller Yes.

59:44 Adam Eighty percent of people don't have this, do they?

59:47 Drew Not in my experience.

59:47 Adam Because my ass has been itching for five years, but I've never seen a worm.

59:52 Drew I keep telling you that's what you have, though.

59:56 Adam I know. Todd? Yes?

59:59 Caller What's going on? After about two years of abusive relationship from my wife, this weekend she assaulted me pretty bad and put me in the hospital. Had to get 42 staples in my chest. And...

1:00:17 Drew She attacked you with a knife or something?

1:00:19 Caller Scissors. And the kids are with me now. And she is...

1:00:25 Drew How many kids?

1:00:26 Caller I'm sorry?

1:00:28 Adam How many kids do you have? Two.

1:00:30 Caller We have a three-year-old and a one-year-old. And... Well, she's in the hospital now, like the mental hospital. And her trial for, like, filling the assault is coming up in probably, I guess, next week or something.

1:00:49 Adam Where were you when she attacked you with the scissors?

1:00:52 Caller In our house.

1:00:53 Drew So the kids witnessed this?

1:00:55 Caller No. Actually, the weird thing is, is the kids were at their grandfather's house spend the night.

1:01:01 Adam Yeah. Well, what were you doing? Were you lying down in bed or something?

1:01:05 Caller No, we were arguing, but I had been, I had been, you know, abused by her, like while I'm sleeping or whatever.

1:01:12 Adam Right.

1:01:12 Caller But, you know, we were arguing and yelling and stuff, and she grabbed the scissors, and she grabbed me by my hair one time and chopped a big chunk of hair out. And then finally it ended up, she took the scissors and she sliced me down the chest, and I got about, that's about an 18 inch scar.

1:01:30 Adam An 18 inches?

1:01:32 Caller Yeah, it goes from about my neck down to almost my belly button.

1:01:37 Adam Hey, why, Drew? Why staples instead of stitches?

1:01:43 Drew Stronger? Well, it's just a huge, it's just quicker.

1:01:46 Adam Oh, it is. Because an 18 inch scar would be like 400 stitches, right?

1:01:51 Drew It would be a lot of stitches, yeah.

1:01:54 Adam All right, so now did she do any other damage other than a flesh wound?

1:02:01 Caller Well, it goes in my stomach muscles a little bit and I've got internal stitches because it dissolves in my stomach muscles.

1:02:08 Drew That's how deep it was.

1:02:10 Caller Yeah.

1:02:10 Drew Added you to a couple layers. That's incredible.

1:02:12 Adam Okay, so she has serious problems, but you have problems too because you married her.

1:02:18 Caller Well, yeah, and I plan on filing for divorce and everything like that.

1:02:25 Adam I don't know, why don't you just give it... Okay.

1:02:28 Drew What is her psychiatric diagnosis?

1:02:30 Adam Oh boy.

1:02:31 Caller I don't know. Part of her court thing is she's not allowed to come to my house or talk to me.

1:02:39 Drew This is her first psychiatric hospitalization?

1:02:42 Caller No, she had been admitted before as a teenager or whatever, but since her and I have been together, yes.

1:02:54 Adam So you made a mistake. You got married. You had a couple of kids. She turned out to be nuts. It sounds like she's got to do a little time for this.

1:03:05 Caller Yeah. She may just get probation. I don't know. But the reason I'm calling though is to ask about... I mean, I'm a strong guy. I can deal with all this, but the only thing I can't deal with is my three-year-old keeps saying, Where's mommy? Where's mommy? Where's mommy?

1:03:25 Drew He needs mom. I mean, you can't... I think you shouldn't take the kids away completely.

1:03:31 Caller Well, I'm not planning on doing that. With the divorce, I'm asking for full custody, but I plan on telling her, you know, supervised visitation as much as she wants until she has a clean bill of mental health and then she can have partial custody, you know, half custody or whatever. But, I mean, for right now, I mean...

1:03:56 Adam Oops, I didn't mean to do that. Hold on.

1:03:58 Caller Where's mommy? Where's mommy?

1:03:59 Drew All right.

1:04:01 Adam Well, what do you tell the kid right now?

1:04:03 Drew Yeah, there's no way you can't rationalize with a three-year-old, so there's no information that you can give a three-year-old that really will make sense to him or her. It's just, you know, she's away and she'll be back. Everything's fine. That's about all you can do.

1:04:16 Adam Yeah. Don't get... Listen. Feel free to BS a kid. Oh, I wish my parents had had the dignity to BS me when I was a kid. I was like, mommy's having an emotional breakdown. She's smoking too much weed. It's like, you couldn't BS me. It's a little like the mommy fairy came by and dropped her off in the magical mommy land and she's sprinkling some pixie dust on mommy's...

1:04:42 Caller How old were you when all that happened?

1:04:45 Adam What?

1:04:45 Drew When she started doing that.

1:04:46 Adam I wasn't three.

1:04:47 Drew How old were you? Like seven, eight?

1:04:50 Adam No. When I started doing what?

1:04:52 Drew Locking yourself in the room.

1:04:56 Adam Well, it wasn't an everyday occurrence. I don't want to... Listen, I'm getting enough crap from my family these days, you understand?

1:05:01 Drew But I'm just wanting... I don't want that to go out there. I mean, you should be being an eight-year-old.

1:05:07 Adam Oh, well, I was probably 16. So, yeah, I was probably seven, eight, you know, something like that.

1:05:15 Drew Yeah, I think that's a little too old for...

1:05:16 Adam I know, but mild BS.

1:05:18 Drew Yeah.

1:05:18 Adam You know what I mean? Yeah. Kids need that. They really do. They really do. You know what I mean? Like, I remember... I remember, like, there was this hillside slasher. Remember that guy? Right. Remember the hillside slasher? Yeah. I don't know where he is. You know, he probably owns property now. He was probably paroled eight years ago. He's eyeballing some kid anyway. I thought this guy was going to come to my house and kill me, you know? And I could have used a little BS. No worry. He can't do that. I'll kill him or something like that, you know? There's like a little bit of parental BS, embellishment more than BS.

1:06:00 Drew Artistic license.

1:06:01 Adam Yeah. Joe.

1:06:03 Caller Hello.

1:06:04 Adam You're 16.

1:06:05 Caller Yeah. What's going on? I made a screen for a pipe out of an aluminum can.

1:06:10 Adam Yeah.

1:06:11 Caller And I didn't scrape off the paint. So for like the past week, I've been inhaling like paint films or something.

1:06:17 Adam Yeah.

1:06:18 Caller I'm wondering what the health risks are.

1:06:20 Adam Mountain Dew.

1:06:22 Caller That was a Coca-Cola, man.

1:06:24 No.

1:06:24 Adam Okay. You were drinking the Mountain Dew while you're smoking out a Coke can though, right?

1:06:30 Caller I don't know.

1:06:31 Yeah.

1:06:31 Adam Listen, everybody's done that.

1:06:34 Drew But I would say compared to the amount of pot that is insignificant compared to the damage of marijuana.

1:06:40 Adam I think you suck. I'm sure engineer Mike's done that. I've done that before. I think you end up, whatever the bad part of the pain is, is you probably inhale it in your first time or two around. After that, you know what I mean?

1:06:55 Caller I can just smoke as much pain as I want.

1:06:57 Adam Yeah.

1:06:57 Drew No, we're not saying that. I mean, I worry about the lead, and I worry about, it's not really a volatilized hydrocarbon at that point.

1:07:03 Adam Is it? It's what?

1:07:04 Drew I mean, hydrocarbons that are volatilized are really damaging to the brain, but when it's dried paint, I'm not sure what the chemical is.

1:07:12 Adam Well, it's probably not the world's greatest thing. I don't think there's lead in it, though. I think they don't have lead-based paints anymore. It's not great for you, but it ain't going to kill you.

1:07:21 Drew You're already doing stuff that's horrible for you. I mean, it's insignificant.

1:07:26 Adam Would diet coke be better? I mean, that can, less properties in it.

1:07:32 Drew Then what, a paint can?

1:07:33 Adam Yeah.

1:07:34 Drew I suspect.

1:07:35 Caller I don't know.

1:07:37 Adam I'm just making a joke, Drew.

1:07:39 Caller Joe? Yeah.

1:07:40 Adam Yeah. So Drew's concerned. Why don't you have a bong?

1:07:46 Caller I don't have any money.

1:07:47 Adam All right. Listen to me, Joe.

1:07:49 Caller Yeah.

1:07:50 Adam You know, I don't mind smoking pot.

1:07:51 Caller Yeah.

1:07:52 Adam But I, let me, are you stoned now?

1:07:58 Caller No.

1:07:58 Adam Really?

1:08:00 Caller Really.

1:08:00 Adam Okay. Listen, I don't want to bum your high here, but, you know, I, I don't believe pot's going to kill anybody. And I don't, I don't even believe it should be illegal. But here's the thing. I don't think 16 year olds or 15 year olds should be smoking weed. And I'll tell you why. Because I can tell a 16 year old that's been smoking weed. And that's it. You know what I mean?

1:08:22 Drew You can tell because it changes their biology.

1:08:23 Adam When I can start telling you do anything, it's bad. Meaning, hey, if you want to do a little coke on the weekends, do a little coke. If you want to have a few high balls, a couple of cocktails and a beer, every night, by all means, be my guest. You want to put on a leather mask and beat the crap out of your gay partner and sodomize him. By all means, go ahead and do it. But if I start seeing you with strap marks on your ass, then I'm concerned. And if I see you having difficulty forming sentences with your eyes closed and you're laughing at the retarded jokes that some DJ is making, then I'm concerned. And if I see you and there's blood trickling out of your nose when we're sitting at the dinner table, then I'm concerned. And that's what it is. It's not really the drug, I think, with marijuana that's inherently good or inherently evil. Oh, and because it's not evil, well, now I can do it and that's cool. It's how much you do it, when you do it, and what you don't do because you're doing so much of it. Yeah, I smoke pot once in a while, but that's my business. I'm an adult. I got a house. I got two jobs. I make money. I pay my bills. And if I want to go home on a weekend and put my feet up on my coffee table, watch my TV and smoke a little joint, that's my business. That's fine. I don't get stoned in coming to work. I don't get stoned and get behind the wheel unless I'm hungry. And I mean, I don't do that. And I don't feed it to the neighbors, twelve-year-old. Do what you want. Don't hurt anybody.

1:09:57 Drew You're not addicted to it. You're not.

1:09:59 Adam And it's the same. I feel the same way with a gun. Go ahead and have a gun. Put it in a lock case. Don't let your kids play with it. Okay. We'll be back.

1:10:26 Man turns animal for the erotic pleasures of women.

1:10:31 It's Loveline.

1:10:32 Adam All right.

1:10:33 W-E-B-N. Hi, this is Jonathan Silverman and Joey Slotnick. We always listen to Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:10:54 Adam Yes, they do. And Jonathan Silverman, who we really like, will be in here. Maybe he's doing like My Weekend with Bernie Five or something. He'll be in here coming up Sunday. Ednaswap will be in here tomorrow night. They are the original Torn singers. Torn, you know, Sondra? No. It's a good song. Someone that Natalie Imbruglia sings.

1:11:18 Drew What do you got there, Adam?

1:11:19 Adam Well, facts here for Mr. Adam C. I find your comments regarding the city of Van Nuys in Saltec. I don't remember talking about Van Nuys for a while. What I'm thinking of is Van Nuys is a city out here in Los Angeles or in Southern California. And Van Nuys is where all the Department of Building and Safety and the Water Department and it's where the Van Nuys Courthouse and all the parking enforcement people and all those guys are there. That's where the big court scene is, Van Nuys. Anyway, this guy finds my comments regarding Van Nuys, the city of Van Nuys in Saltec. Well, you know what I find in Saltec? I had my car destroyed about three and a half years ago and those Fs have done nothing. I've called them, they wanted a letter. I sent them a letter, they never called back. They've done nothing because there's no money in it for them. Maybe if I put a little bounty on the guy, they'd go get him. Anyway, as a former official there, I can say this, your comments are out of line. Then again, you probably don't even need to read, you probably don't even read your faxes. Even if you did, they would not get past your thick skull. That's from Ryan. He's worked at the water department this summer of 1992. Listen, how much allegiance can you have to Van Nuys? Those of you who don't know what Van Nuys is, it's a dump. It is a dump. Let's face it. I come from North Hollywood, and people in North Hollywood laugh at people in Van Nuys. It's a dump. It's a crime-ridden dump. North Hollywood's a dump too. My whole family lives in North Hollywood. They're nuts. Van Nuys is like a dump, and it has, and the parking meter guys show up there to go to work. They do nothing over there. It's basically a big extortion racket, and that's about it. They just extort money, and when you need them, they treat you like crap. That's it. Some guy destroyed my car, so I went into court, and they yelled at me, sit down. I said, pardon me, I didn't, I'm a victim here. I'm the person that the crime was perpetrated on, and I'd like to, sit down. Hey, Rusty, I just want to know, do I have to sit down? They're rude, they're backed up, they do nothing, and if you don't own money, they ain't interested, and that's the way it works. You own five bucks for a parking ticket, they're going to send a SWAT team to your house. Some a-hole owes you four grand for destroying your car, they don't get off their ass. That's the bottom line, and that's why Van Nuys is a dump.

1:13:56 Caller Will.

1:13:59 Adam You're 28, turn the radio down.

1:14:03 Caller I don't think I got it.

1:14:06 Adam I think it was a pot call. What was his question? He was prescribed Prozac for gambling problems. Well, I don't know, that's a good... Was that the problem? Yeah. Wow, that's too good. We got to give him another shot. Did I hang up on him?

1:14:21 Drew Sherri signed him.

1:14:22 Adam Oh, she has? Sherri, did you get hold of him? Mom Sherri, did you get hold of him?

1:14:29 Caller No.

1:14:29 Adam All right, we'll get back to Will. She's a Prozac for Gambling Prom.

1:14:34 Caller April?

1:14:35 Uh-huh?

1:14:35 Adam You're 23.

1:14:37 Caller Yeah.

1:14:37 Adam What's going on?

1:14:38 Caller I have a question for Dr. Drew.

1:14:40 Drew Yeah.

1:14:40 Caller I'm 35 weeks pregnant and I haven't had any complications so far. Everything's going fine, but tonight when I was in the shower, I was washing myself down there and something was sticking out of my vagina. A tentacle?

1:14:55 Adam What? A tentacle?

1:14:57 Caller No, it wasn't part of the baby because I can feel the baby in my stomach moving. I called my gynecologist and I think I woke him up. He didn't sound too interested and he just said to come in Friday morning.

1:15:11 Adam What did they call? Let's do a little Loveline recreation. Hello, Dr. Feggenbaum. April?

1:15:20 Caller Yeah.

1:15:20 Caller What's going on?

1:15:22 Caller Well, basically I told him that... which is what I told you.

1:15:26 Adam We're doing some role playing here, April. What's going on?

1:15:31 Caller Okay, while I was in the shower I discovered something was popping out of my vagina.

1:15:38 Adam Yeah, it's uh... April. Are you two weeks pregnant? How many weeks? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's normal. Yeah, come in Friday.

1:15:51 Drew What do you think you saw? What did it feel like?

1:15:57 Caller Well, I looked at it with a mirror.

1:15:58 Adam Yeah.

1:15:59 Caller And it's... it's just like a purple lump.

1:16:01 Drew Are you sure it's not an umbilical cord?

1:16:04 Caller I don't know what it is. I've been having throbbing pain...

1:16:09 Adam Mucus plug?

1:16:10 Drew In the what?

1:16:11 Caller I've been having throbbing pain...

1:16:13 Drew Where?

1:16:13 Caller In my crotch area since Sunday. Um, but my mom said that was normal.

1:16:21 Drew I was sure once I went to look at this airplane. I don't know. I'm very uncomfortable.

1:16:27 Adam I am too, but for probably different reasons.

1:16:29 Drew There could be lots of... I mean, it wasn't the foot, right?

1:16:32 Caller No, I can feel the baby moving.

1:16:35 Drew I know, but they could throw an arm out or a foot out or something.

1:16:37 Adam Really? Has that ever happened?

1:16:39 Caller Yeah.

1:16:39 Caller Oh, my God.

1:16:42 Drew But I...

1:16:42 Adam Oh, my God.

1:16:43 Drew But I worry about it being a corridor.

1:16:45 Caller Kind of, what?

1:16:45 Drew Or some...

1:16:46 Caller Wouldn't her water have to break for an arm or a foot to go out?

1:16:49 Drew Yeah, but she may not have been aware.

1:16:50 Caller Oh, because she's in the shower.

1:16:52 Drew She may. Yeah, I mean...

1:16:54 Adam It had to be like...

1:16:54 Caller Did his plug already come out?

1:16:56 Drew Yeah, I mean, she doesn't know.

1:16:58 Adam It'd be like one of those jokes where, like, you're washing up and all of a sudden an arm comes out and hands you a loof and you go, oh, thank you.

1:17:03 Caller What?

1:17:05 Drew Now, weird things can happen. I just am really uncomfortable with you not having... Somebody not looking at this. I mean, I don't want to countermeasure what your doctor told you, but I would think for my wife, you'd be in the emergency room right now. Okay?

1:17:20 Adam Let me say this, though, Drew. Sometimes we talk to callers that have a relationship with their doctor that we don't really know about, meaning maybe April called him 15 other times and woke him up. Have you done that, April?

1:17:32 Caller No, this is the first time I've ever called him. I've only seen him two other times.

1:17:36 Adam Oh, it is?

1:17:37 Caller Yeah, he didn't even know who I was. I had to tell him.

1:17:40 Drew Can you describe better to me what you're seeing? Is it actually something from the inside protruding out? It's not something like in the wall of the vagina or nothing from the lips or anything like that?

1:17:50 Caller No, I kind of have to like open up the lips to see it.

1:17:53 Drew And was it round or something?

1:17:54 Caller It's round and it's like purplish. I can't tell where it's coming from. I'm afraid to poke around in there.

1:17:59 Drew And it's a smooth surface?

1:18:01 Caller It looks pretty, yeah.

1:18:03 Drew Do you tell how big it is?

1:18:05 Caller It's about the size of my thumb.

1:18:09 Drew And otherwise you're walking OK? No problems that way?

1:18:12 Caller Yeah, I've just been having some throbbing pain once in a while when I walk around.

1:18:16 Adam What's your boyfriend think?

1:18:18 Caller I don't have a boyfriend.

1:18:19 Adam Oh, what's the guy who knocked you up? What's he think?

1:18:24 Caller I'm separated from him.

1:18:26 Caller Oh, OK.

1:18:27 Adam I know, Drew, you're surprised you thought she was saying she has a husband.

1:18:29 Caller Of course not. I have a husband. I'm divorcing him now.

1:18:33 All right.

1:18:35 Adam Divorce him before the kid comes out?

1:18:37 Caller Yes.

1:18:38 Caller All right.

1:18:39 Adam What did he do?

1:18:42 Caller He was an asshole.

1:18:43 Adam Oh, OK. Why did you marry him then?

1:18:47 Drew Pregnant?

1:18:48 Caller No, actually, I got pregnant after I married him. It's a long story.

1:18:54 Adam Oh, OK. I just like asking questions like a kid would ask, but I realize they're perfect questions. We're getting divorced, my asshole. Oh, why did you marry him? OK, smartass. OK, so when did you guys get married? You're 19?

1:19:10 Caller No, just past September.

1:19:12 Caller Oh, OK.

1:19:14 Drew I wish you would go to the emergency room. Yeah, I really do.

1:19:16 Adam I think she should.

1:19:19 Drew I.

1:19:19 Adam Well, what could it hurt?

1:19:20 Caller Yeah.

1:19:22 Caller Yeah.

1:19:23 Drew 30, 35 weeks. I mean, you don't want anything to go wrong right there.

1:19:26 Adam You want that like three months?

1:19:28 Drew She's almost she's just about there.

1:19:30 Adam So how many weeks do you go normally?

1:19:32 Drew 40 weeks.

1:19:33 Adam 40.

1:19:34 Caller Yeah.

1:19:35 Adam I wish people just say eight months. Actually, in that case, it would be a little less than eight months, right?

1:19:42 Drew Where she is now?

1:19:43 Adam Yeah.

1:19:43 Drew She's eight and a half months, right?

1:19:45 Adam No, I thought it was nine months.

1:19:47 Drew Right. But she's she's at eight and a half.

1:19:49 Adam Well, that's 35 weeks. You said you go 40 weeks.

1:19:53 Drew Right.

1:19:54 Adam So do the math.

1:19:56 Drew What do you what do you say? It's a lunar it's a lunar calendar. Complete nine months. What do you what do you say?

1:20:03 Adam Saying if nine if nine was ten, if nine months is 40 weeks.

1:20:07 Caller Yeah, exactly.

1:20:08 Drew It's a lunar calendar.

1:20:09 Caller I think like just when it's a nine, complete nine months, complete the ninth month.

1:20:13 Drew So it's really, you don't count the month until you've completed it basically.

1:20:19 Adam Yeah, but it's still nine months, right?

1:20:21 Drew Yeah.

1:20:22 Adam Still be nine months. Yeah, like nine months from now be nine months, right?

1:20:30 Drew Yeah, but you said when is where we're in April.

1:20:33 Adam But let me say something. Is nine months 40 weeks?

1:20:36 Drew No, it's if you know, what is the ninth month from now, you would be talking about completing eight months because you'd reach that ninth month after eight months have been completed.

1:20:47 Adam How many weeks are you pregnant for?

1:20:49 Drew 40, 42 weeks.

1:20:50 Adam 40 weeks.

1:20:51 Drew Yeah.

1:20:51 Adam Okay. And 40 weeks is, let's see, four times nine is 42. 1836. Okay. So wait a minute. Is that is 40, is 40 weeks, nine months? Let's do the math here, Drew. Because we got to do days here. How many days in a month, average? 30? It's not like 29.7 or something like that. Sherri, 30?

1:21:28 Caller Sorry, Anna. I just want to make sure. All right.

1:21:31 Adam Did you figure something out, Drew? Listen to me. 40, 40 weeks, right?

1:21:37 Drew It's almost 10.

1:21:40 Adam Well, wait a minute. What's 4 times 9?

1:21:43 Drew 36.

1:21:45 Adam OK. But that'd be assuming there's 28 days in a month. Right? So that's about 40 weeks. Uh, yeah. Here's what I'm asking, Drew. How can she be pregnant at 35 weeks? And you say she's eight and a half months pregnant. That's the initial question I have for you. All right. Listen, we gotta go to break.

1:22:16 Drew All right.

1:22:16 Adam We're gonna write this down. OK. You know what I'm saying?

1:22:19 Drew Not really.

1:22:20 Adam No. OK. We'll be back. I think Drew's gonna be wrong, too.

1:22:23 Drew Could be. I don't know what you're asking yet.

1:22:26 Adam You don't know my question. OK. We'll be back.

1:22:42 Drew WEBN.

1:22:58 Adam Hey, what's happening? It's Loveline. All right. I'm Ace Rockolla. That is Dr. Drew. We're having a bit of a punchy show tonight, but that's all right. I think it's a good one. Phone number. Oh, forget the phone number. All right. Now, when we left off, we're just gonna finish this real quick. Here's my original question, Drew, and you're confusing things. Just relax. Just quiet down. If a pregnancy is 40 weeks, which is about...

1:23:31 Drew Ann, is Mark Lebed coming in here on Wednesday? Okay.

1:23:36 Adam I'll never, never to ask.

1:23:38 Drew Ann, remind Adam to ask.

1:23:40 Adam Here's what I told Ann, though. I said, listen, if you get pregnant on January 1st, when are you due? If you go to the obstinatricianist and say to him or her, I'm pregnant January 1st, you are due then October 1st, because that would be...

1:24:02 Drew It's October, it would be like the middle of October probably.

1:24:04 Adam So it's about nine and a half months.

1:24:06 Drew Yeah.

1:24:06 Caller Right.

1:24:07 Adam But it's the same as if you took a job January 1st and you quit in the middle of October and you said, it's time to pay me, and your boss argued with you, you'd say, I've been here for nine and a half months.

1:24:15 Caller Yeah.

1:24:16 Adam So it's the same thing.

1:24:17 Drew Yeah.

1:24:17 Caller All right.

1:24:18 Adam So the original question is, how can you be, if you're 40 months, if you're 40 weeks, if you give birth in 40 weeks, and our caller was 35 weeks pregnant, why is she eight and a half months? I think she's seven and a half months. Drew's a beaten man. Kyle?

1:24:36 Caller Hello.

1:24:36 Adam Hey, you're 22. What's going on?

1:24:38 Caller What's going on? Yeah.

1:24:42 Caller I was wondering if you guys knew anything about like specific herbs that would be good to take.

1:24:49 Drew How bizarre is that?

1:24:51 Caller Coming off like dope.

1:24:53 Adam Heroin?

1:24:54 Caller Yeah.

1:24:55 Drew Well, if you want to come off heroin.

1:24:57 Adam Drew, weren't you just having this discussion with me?

1:24:59 Caller Yeah, that's very bizarre.

1:25:00 Drew I just, I just was, you know, I run a detox unit and just had a patient come in who insisted on being detoxed with herbs.

1:25:07 Adam I run a mobile DJ.

1:25:09 Drew And you're basically wasting your time. Every addict wants an easier way out. I mean, you're using heroin for Christ's sake, you know? You take, at least use some safe substances to make sure you come off the life-threatening chemical that you're choosing to use. Forget about the herbs, use what works. There are some very effective medications to help you off heroin. The Clonidine, these Alpha-2 agents are very good. Neurontin, I've had good results with. Robaxin, Bentyl, Motrin, these are very helpful for the pains and muscle cramps and abdominal pain that goes along with it. Occasionally, Ativan for people that are really having severe problems with withdrawal and occasionally that Ativan needs to be given in a shot form. But it needs to be in a very supervised setting, highly structured, or you're just not going to make it. Okay?

1:25:56 Caller Yeah, it's better than taking herbs.

1:25:59 Adam Oh, well give him a break, he is into heroin.

1:26:02 Drew Yes.

1:26:02 Adam Yes, it's better.

1:26:03 Drew Yes, it's better.

1:26:04 Caller Well, it's just using like, you know, I'd rather not use chemicals.

1:26:07 Drew Kale, Kyle, you're addicted to a life-threatening compound, okay? You're rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic, if you want to use herbs right now. That's not this, you got to get involved in treatment, and you have to take this seriously. I just, I have had two patients die in the last couple of days of this damn disease, and it's making me sick. And everybody looks around like, how can they die? Just on heroin, just alcoholics, how could this happen? Happens all the time.

1:26:33 Adam Hey, Kyle?

1:26:35 Caller Yep.

1:26:37 Adam What do you figure you've been injecting into your...

1:26:41 Caller I don't inject it.

1:26:42 Adam Oh, what do you figure you've been snorting?

1:26:44 Caller Smoking.

1:26:44 Adam Or smoking for the last, however, period of time you've been smoking it? You've been smoking like ginger root mixed in with a little ginkgo?

1:26:56 Caller No, some, sorry, some gnarly stuff, whatever.

1:27:00 Adam Yeah, some crap that some guy stepped on with like some rat poison or something.

1:27:06 Caller Yeah, whatever.

1:27:07 Drew All right.

1:27:07 Adam So feel free to go without the herbs for a little while until you detox, and then you can become pristine. Stop kidding yourself, Kyle, please.

1:27:18 Drew And get it on the program. You will not make it without recovery. It just doesn't happen.

1:27:22 Adam What is up with that, Kyle? You forget about herbs. Listen, you're not you'll-givens. You're junkie. Right?

1:27:32 Drew This is a life-threatening problem, okay? Herbs are not going to solve that, as which I wish it did. It would be great.

1:27:41 Caller Right.

1:27:42 Adam All right, Kyle, do what you have to do, but don't do it with herbs, please.

1:27:46 Caller All right.

1:27:47 Adam All right.

1:27:48 Caller All right.

1:27:50 Drew I hate methadone, too. It's got to be forgettable, but I just think it's a disaster.

1:27:54 Adam Well, listen, people are in denial. I told you the time I went to that actor guy's house many, many, many years ago when I was a carpenter, and even early carpenter, and he was telling me about building some oak cabinetry, and I explained to him that, well, we'll just rip the sides of 24 inches, make that out of oak ply, three-quarter oak ply, and then we'll put a solid oak face frame on the thing. Plywood, no plywood. I said, you got to make the sides of the cabinets out of the oak ply, because they're this wide, they're big sheets, two, three feet wide. They don't even make oak, you can't find solid oak, you'd have to like laminate it, it'd have to look like a butcher block, you know. And it was real expensive, I wouldn't even know how to do it. No, no, no ply. I said, listen, you can't tell the difference, it's got a veneer, it's got an actual, it doesn't look like vermicad, it has an actual oak veneer on it. And then you put the solid oak hardnose, bullnose on there and you're done. Every house in America has this. Donald Trump's apartment has this in it, I guarantee you. No, no, you don't understand, I don't want plywood in my house. I said, why not? It gives off a vibe. I said, hey, you're smoking a cigarette right now, aren't you? Yeah. What about that vibe? I know you got a bowl of Coke in the bedroom. The guy was smoking a F in cigarette when he was telling me about the vibe that the plywood was given off. I thought to myself, she's talking about compensation. He was just getting such denial in their life. He's been worried about the vibe that the plywood. Meanwhile, the guy is smoking two packs a day. He's probably banging some 15-year-old and he's got a big bowl of coke in the next show. These actors, they're horrible, all of them. Nancy, you're 19. Let's see if we can hear what's going on over there.

1:29:58 Caller Okay, what the hell just happened? I can no longer hear the show. Maybe it's over, although there's still 10 minutes. What? Yeah. I just got knocked off.

1:30:11 Drew Maybe not.

1:30:11 Caller Wait, okay. What?

1:30:14 Drew Why don't we talk to her?

1:30:15 Adam Nancy?

1:30:16 Caller Yeah? Hi, Adam. Hi, Dr. Drew.

1:30:18 Adam Hey.

1:30:19 Caller Hi. I've been a huge fan since I was 12. You guys are so cool.

1:30:23 Adam Really? We were just listening to you and your lesbian partner.

1:30:26 Caller Yeah.

1:30:27 Caller Okay. She's just a friend.

1:30:31 Adam They all start that way.

1:30:32 Caller Yeah.

1:30:33 Caller Well, I do live in North Hampton.

1:30:35 Drew How interesting.

1:30:37 Caller Yeah.

1:30:37 Drew Where are you hearing us in North Hampton?

1:30:39 Caller Well, I'm from the Pasadena area.

1:30:41 Drew Yeah. You go to Smith?

1:30:43 Caller Yeah, I do.

1:30:44 Drew Oh my God.

1:30:45 Adam Is that lesbian school?

1:30:46 Drew How weird is that?

1:30:47 Adam When Drew doesn't answer, it means yes. Where's North Hampton?

1:30:51 Drew It's right next to Amherst.

1:30:52 Caller Yeah. Really? It's in Western Massachusetts.

1:30:54 Adam So where do you hear the show?

1:30:56 Caller Well, because I live in Los Angeles, so I've listened to it for a really long time, and then I came to school here.

1:31:01 Drew So you're just calling us because you know we're on the air right now?

1:31:03 Caller Yeah, and I know the phone number.

1:31:04 Caller Nice.

1:31:06 Adam All right.

1:31:07 Drew Well, say hi to Smith for me. I've had many beautiful Thursday night meals there. Right? They still have seven.

1:31:12 Caller Yeah, they still have candlelight dinners.

1:31:14 Drew They have candlelight dinners, Yorkshire pudding, and roast beef on Thursday night.

1:31:18 Adam Really?

1:31:18 Drew Unbelievable.

1:31:19 Caller And tea on Fridays.

1:31:20 Adam Yeah. All right, Your Highness. For Christ's sake, I was eating at the Arby's when I was 19, fishing through the dumpster like an animal.

1:31:30 Caller Okay. Well, I have a question for Dr. Drew. Yeah. I'm considering getting my nose pierced, and I was just wondering what the chances are of infection or rejection.

1:31:41 Drew Just the side of the nose?

1:31:43 Caller Yeah.

1:31:43 Drew Pretty low. Pretty low. That seems to be an awfully safe procedure.

1:31:47 Adam You know, my sister was like the first chick on the block to do that.

1:31:52 Drew Oh, yeah?

1:31:52 Adam My sister had a hole in her nose, had that nose earring.

1:31:57 Drew A ring?

1:31:58 Adam Not a ring, a stud.

1:31:59 Drew Yeah.

1:31:59 Adam She had in there for, she had the thing 15 years ago.

1:32:03 Drew Wow.

1:32:03 Adam Yeah. Now, you know what she has? A kid and a hole.

1:32:08 Drew Oh, those holes close up usually right away.

1:32:10 Adam Yeah, we see it.

1:32:12 Drew So she kept it in so long.

1:32:13 Adam The brother knows. Brother sees the hole.

1:32:15 Drew Interesting.

1:32:16 Caller So if I take it out in a few years?

1:32:18 Drew It usually closes real fast.

1:32:20 Adam Well, she doesn't breathe through it.

1:32:22 Drew I understand, but maybe it's just a scar, like a pimple there, or a dent. It looks like a little dent. Yeah.

1:32:27 Caller I had one.

1:32:28 Caller Remember?

1:32:29 Adam Ann had one? Yeah.

1:32:31 Drew I can't remember that.

1:32:32 Caller Well, nice talking to you.

1:32:34 Drew Where is that?

1:32:34 Caller What did you have?

1:32:35 Adam The little stud?

1:32:36 Caller Yeah, just a little stud. I had it for about eight months and it healed up. I mean, literally a week after it came out.

1:32:43 Drew Yeah, real fast.

1:32:44 Caller Yeah.

1:32:45 Adam Oh, Ann.

1:32:46 Drew I've forgotten.

1:32:46 Adam A little racy side, Ann, I didn't know about.

1:32:49 Drew So tell me more about Northampton. I think it's Smith. Everything OK?

1:32:55 Caller Yeah.

1:32:55 Drew That's a beautiful campus.

1:32:56 Adam Is that the lesbian school?

1:32:58 Caller Yes, Nancy.

1:32:59 Adam Is Nancy this?

1:33:00 Caller No.

1:33:01 Adam First said it was a big lesbian school.

1:33:02 Drew I did not say that.

1:33:03 Caller Actually, he did imply that in a show.

1:33:06 Drew Yeah, he does. There is a strong contingency there.

1:33:10 Caller Yeah.

1:33:11 Drew That's for sure.

1:33:11 Caller And they're very vocal about it.

1:33:14 Caller Yes.

1:33:17 Adam So what do they have over there? They have a football team or is it just all called?

1:33:22 Caller All women.

1:33:22 Adam All women.

1:33:23 Caller Oh, it's all girl school?

1:33:24 Adam Of course, it's a lesbian school there. All right. You're not lesbian, though?

1:33:28 Caller No, not.

1:33:29 Adam But could you imagine how quick you could become one?

1:33:31 Caller Yeah.

1:33:32 Adam And how okay it would be with everybody in your dorm?

1:33:34 Caller Yeah.

1:33:35 Adam Yeah. All right. Go ahead and get that.

1:33:36 Drew What do you want me living in?

1:33:38 Caller Scales.

1:33:39 Drew Scales.

1:33:39 Adam Scales?

1:33:40 Drew Which one that is? It's a new one. That's the new one.

1:33:42 Caller Yeah, it's in the quad.

1:33:43 Drew It's a 70s looking thing. Yeah.

1:33:45 Caller No, not that one.

1:33:46 Adam What were you doing around that school? You were next door?

1:33:50 Drew Ten minutes away, yeah.

1:33:51 Adam That's where you cruised? Go pick up chicks there?

1:33:54 Drew I had a girlfriend there for a while.

1:33:55 Adam Must be great. You have a whole batch of women. I mean, ten minutes away, there's a facility. It's almost like a prison, but they let you in.

1:34:04 Drew There's two of them. Mount Holyoke is ten minutes the other way. But the history of those three schools is gnarly, as you could say.

1:34:12 Adam A lot of less parents.

1:34:13 Drew It goes back a long way. A lot of tension there amongst those three schools.

1:34:17 Adam Really? They don't like each other?

1:34:19 Drew Not when I was there.

1:34:20 Adam Why not?

1:34:22 Drew Amherst was an all-male school until 1976.

1:34:25 Adam It was? Yeah. When were you there?

1:34:28 Drew 1976 to 1980. Oh, yes.

1:34:30 Adam You were the first there.

1:34:31 Drew First class.

1:34:32 Adam Oh, boy. All right, so not only does your school have chicks, but there's a big batch of chicks over here and a big batch of chicks over there. Yeah. Oh, that's nice.

1:34:41 Drew That was still miserable.

1:34:42 Adam That's 11. All right, we'll be back.

1:34:45 Loveline's phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:34:51 Caller We'll be right back.

1:34:54 WEBN.

1:35:02 The radio that keeps you up at night. It's Loveline, only on WEBM.

1:35:25 Adam Hey, that's good timing. Closing time.

1:35:29 All right.

1:35:30 Adam Well, we just pulled them out of show. I want to thank the fabulous Lisa for doing the phones tonight. She told me off the air, by the way, she would touch, what the hell is this?

1:35:40 Drew John Taylor.

1:35:41 Adam John Taylor's penis if you poke through some plywood. Actually, she said a sandwich board sign, but it's still the same thing, it's plywood. Plywood that you wear. That's a bad gig, by the way, that you have to walk around with the plywood on it. All right, I want to thank the beautiful Sherri as well. She's such a vault of information, that Sherri, and she doesn't cough it up either. I talk about stuff I don't know about, Sherri doesn't talk about stuff she knows about.

1:36:05 Drew We found a pinworm on the Internet, and the eggs are airborne. That's why the whole family is going when somebody gets it.

1:36:10 Adam That's right. When I break wind, you're all going with me.

1:36:13 Drew Not from the ingestion so much.

1:36:16 Adam And I want to thank the Anger One producer, Ann, for rubbing her feminine stink all over the show and doing a wonderful job. And of course, the newly inspired engineer, Mike.

1:36:24 Drew This guy is an asshole.

1:36:25 Adam He is like a boy. It's the first day of school. Yeah. And that thing is his apple. Or our apple.

1:36:33 Caller What? All right.

1:36:34 Adam Drew, that's enough. We're going home. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying Mahalo.

1:36:58 Drew We now return you to your highly tested, regularly scheduled programming.

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Wednesday, May 6, 1998