Episode 1000754887844

7:30 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

7:33 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

7:37 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

7:39 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

7:41 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

7:43 Voiceover Loveline.

7:45 Adam Yes, indeed, indeed. Phone number for Loveline, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is not in. Dr. Bruce is filling in once again for Dr. Drew. Don't worry, kiddies, he's board certified. He's an addiction medicine specialist, just like our beloved Dr. Drew, and specializes in emergency medicine, as well as removing tattoos from cons.

8:15 Drew Cons?

8:16 Adam Yes, that's what they call prisoners.

8:18 Drew Young rehabilitating gentlemen.

8:20 Adam People who are locked up are cons. That is short for convict.

8:24 Drew Okay.

8:25 Adam You understand? Because they were convicted of something.

8:28 Drew Okay.

8:29 Adam All right. Anthrax is our guest tonight. They're running a little bit late. I'm guessing because of the weather. They called in. They should be in here any minute. We'll bring them in right after the break. And we have those guys on the TV show. They're a lot of fun.

8:44 So it'll be good to talk to them.

8:45 Adam I am spent, burnt, road hard, put away wet. I have never felt worse in my entire goddamn life.

8:52 Drew I'll take over for you. Just relax.

8:55 Adam My kiddies, my odyssey started at 6, no, 5 45 this morning when I woke up in Lexington, Kentucky after doing a little speaking engagement with our aforementioned Dr. Drew in Kentucky. And sat at the Lexington Airport about 6 30 this morning, checked the baggage, got fogged in, couldn't make it. I was with Drew, by the way. Oh, got ourselves a car and drove from Lexington to Cincinnati. Sat in that airport for a couple hours and finally got out of Cincinnati and into Chicago O'Hare where it was snowing. Oh, sat in that airport for quite a long time, missed a couple of flights and finally made it back to LA in the driving rain and pulled into my house about 10 minutes to 9. Sat down, had a cup of coffee and turned around and left for the radio show. I've never been more burnt out in my entire life.

9:56 Drew And your brain is still going.

9:58 Adam Oh, I'm spinning. And plus, you know, I was drunk at, I mean, let's be honest, there's nothing to do in these airports but just get loaded. I mean, you got to pass the time. I'd like to see a picture of you and Drew, you know, sort of contra distinction, him together, probably in his tie, yes, yes, he's, I'm wearing a pair of sweatpants and just my socks, sweatpants and an erection and a baseball cap. He's wearing a tie, freshly pressed slacks, tassels from his loafers blowing in the wind and a full camel hair, full-length duster, and I've got my stuff piled into a pillowcase that I've thrown over my shoulder and I'm yelling at people in the airport.

10:43 Drew They'll assume it's his patient. He's transporting a patient somewhere. It works.

10:46 Adam Worst day of my life. I want to thank a couple of people from Chicago, a couple of people from United Airline who got me back into first class after being bumped down.

10:57 God bless them.

10:58 Adam And the pilot of the plane who I don't want to get in any trouble, but he let me sit in the pilot seat.

11:03 Drew Oh my God.

11:04 Adam Not while the plane was in the air, but I sat there and I looked at that whole thing and he showed me how it worked. Very nice. Airbus, which by the way has to be a foreign name because there's no worse name for an aircraft than the Airbus. There could be nothing less romantic than taking the bus with wings. I don't think they know in Europe, and I think I think that's who manufactures the Airbus, that bus has a little bit of a negative connotation.

11:33 Drew Bus and train in Europe are clean, neat, on time.

11:36 Adam Call it the Airtrain, call it the Airlimo, call it the Airpartridge family bus, but don't call it the Airbus.

11:43 Drew So how's it flying with the recent events, a little bit paranoid, it increased your alcohol intake?

11:49 Adam I was so loaded, I didn't even know where the hell I was.

11:52 Drew I was driving behind you tonight though, for being such a wild guy, you're a very careful driver. Signaling with your blinker, your arm out the window in the rain, just very impressive.

12:00 Adam Thank you very much. I'll tell you, this could be dangerous tonight. Mike? Hello? You're 14.

12:08 Caller Oh yeah.

12:09 Adam What's up?

12:10 Caller Okay, I'm not sure if I'm gay or not because I've had obsessions with you lately.

12:20 Adam With me?

12:20 Caller Yeah.

12:21 Adam Yeah, that's gay.

12:22 Caller Yeah.

12:22 Adam That's 100% gay.

12:24 Caller But I've also had ones with girls too. I don't know if that's my bi or my gay.

12:30 Adam Now you're gay.

12:31 Drew Why do you assume that you're gay or this has some relationship to your sexual orientation?

12:36 Caller Well, like, because I was masturbating, you know, and you just came up to mind and I can't stop with it.

12:42 Drew That's a very serious problem. And Adam's cringing.

12:45 Adam Are you masturbating to my likeness? I'm gonna have my attorney sue you. You're gay. I want five dollars for every time you masturbate to me. Do you understand?

12:54 Drew Okay, look, it's...

12:55 Adam Are you seriously... Do you seriously masturbate to me, Mike?

12:59 Caller Well, like, what do you mean by that? Like, not to your picture, but to the thought of you.

13:03 Adam That's even worse.

13:04 Drew He has the OCD sound.

13:05 Adam Oh my god. Listen, Mike, hold on. What am I doing when you're masturbating to me?

13:12 Caller Well, um, the anal physician.

13:15 Oh.

13:16 Drew This is the beginning of the show.

13:18 Adam I feel so dirty, Mike. And are you doing me?

13:23 Yes.

13:26 Drew Mike, have you had any experience with the mental health system? Have you seen a counselor before?

13:30 Adam Why don't you let me do you once in a while? Why do you always got to do me?

13:34 Caller Because I haven't. Because you haven't.

13:37 Adam Alright, listen, tonight you let me do you.

13:40 Caller Okay.

13:41 Drew Okay, obsessions are a problem when they start to affect activities of daily living, when you start to choose those over responsibilities and other things you should be doing. And people that are obsessive-compulsive have obsessions, thoughts that are intrusive and compulsive behaviors that you can't control doing things over and over. And when that happens, you do need to see a physician. Medications are extremely effective in controlling those things. But at 14, he has some other psychosexual pathology here that's very serious.

14:08 Adam Listen, Bruce, after the day I've had this evening, this day, you have to start off with me getting sodomized. I was symbolically sodomized the entire day. Sarah? You're 19.

14:22 Caller What's up? I wanted to let you know too, Adam, that you're so funny and you make my day all the time.

14:28 Adam Thank you.

14:30 Caller I had a question for Dr. Drew, but Dr. Bruce, I'm on a lot of medication right now, and I wanted to start taking the pill, and I've asked my doctor, but he gives me the runaround about everything. He starts saying, you know, I've had problems in the past with having sex, and it hurts, and stuff like that, and he's like, well, you know, your body probably isn't ready.

14:55 Adam Well, what medication are you on?

14:58 Caller Well, I'm on Selexa, I'm on Wellbutrin, I'm on Phenobarbital, I'm on Lithium, I'm on Depakote.

15:09 Adam All right, well, let's make this faster. What aren't you on? I think we can get through that list a little quicker.

15:16 Drew But you sound real clear.

15:17 Adam You know, Barbital, I didn't even know people took that anymore.

15:20 Caller Yeah, and while I was on Sonata, and he took me off of that because I was having a lot of problems. And the doctor just put me on, I have an infection, it's like Clenomycin.

15:33 Drew Right, it's an antibiotic commonly prescribed. The bottom line is with birth control pills, most physicians don't bring any moral judgements into the prescribing of birth control pills if you're educated about the use of them. And making the decision to have sex is something that...

15:50 Adam Is it dangerous to take birth control when you're on that many medications?

15:54 Drew It's not dangerous. What happens, for instance, if you give somebody Amoxicillin and they're on birth control, you should tell them that this can affect the efficacy of the birth control. All right. So it sounds like there's something else going on here. Did he recommend Depa-Provera? If you're sexually active, it's very irresponsible not to support some form of birth control.

16:13 Caller Yeah. And I didn't know about that one either. I'm also allergic to a lot of stuff.

16:19 Adam Listen, Sarah, just stay home. You shouldn't be having sex.

16:24 Caller I'm just having such a hard time. I've always had a hard time with the medications. So I'm just really weary of it.

16:31 Drew What about, is he a gynecologist? That doesn't sound like it if he's involved with these other medications.

16:36 Caller Oh, you just don't understand. I went to see a nurse practitioner for my past marriage. They have a hard time with that.

16:43 Drew Right. They're great.

16:45 Caller Yeah, but I have a hard time with stuff like anything. I was sexually abused. I had talked to her and I had just mentioned it to her. And she said, I don't know about the interactions, but maybe I should give you a call in the future. I'll have to do some searching on that.

17:04 Adam Hey, do you have a steady guy, Sarah?

17:08 Caller Yeah.

17:09 Adam You do?

17:09 Caller Yeah.

17:10 Drew What form of birth control are you using?

17:12 Caller That's the problem.

17:14 Adam You're not using anything?

17:15 Caller Well, we do sometimes, like condoms, but then they've broken.

17:19 Adam Hey, listen, Sarah, do not get pregnant.

17:22 Caller Oh, no. That's what I'm trying to prevent here.

17:25 Adam Yes, please.

17:26 Caller So, and then, you know, I get, I get stuck with the weirdest factors and the weirdest answers.

17:33 Drew It's possible for you to take birth control pills. There are issues about things like...

17:37 Adam Go to a different doctor then and see if he'll prescribe you one. Brad.

17:42 Yes.

17:42 Adam You're 16.

17:43 Caller Uh-huh.

17:44 Adam Brad, you're 16?

17:46 Caller Yep.

17:47 Adam Jesus Christ, you sound like Paul Bunyan.

17:50 Caller Kind of big.

17:51 Adam Yeah. How big are you?

17:52 Six-five.

17:54 Drew Have you had any...

17:55 Adam What are you weighing in at, Brad?

17:56 250.

17:57 Adam Wow. You're a load. Are you playing on the football team?

18:00 I hate football.

18:01 Adam Oh. Those big guys who don't like sports always scare me.

18:05 Caller No, I'm straight as a spoon. Oh, no. I've got a little problem here.

18:09 Adam Yeah.

18:10 Caller When I was about seven, I had... This is for Dr. Bruce. My testes didn't drop. And I either that or they got sucked up or somehow. And they were sucked about down somewhere along the way. And I had surgery where they were brought back down and some Dr. UCLA did it. And I was wondering if that could affect me with my performance later on in life.

18:31 Drew No, it shouldn't. It's a common procedure. Undescended testes, you can develop cancer, a lot of other problems. So it's wonderful that you had that done. And there should be no sequelae, no problems in the future related to having sex or testosterone level, anything like that. Yeah.

18:45 Adam Here's the real problem. You're going to kill the person you have sex with. Six, five, two, fifty.

18:51 Caller Can you send me up with one of the Juggies?

18:52 Adam Sixteen years old. No, we need the Juggies to be able to walk.

18:57 Caller Oh, come on. I'll let them be on top.

18:59 Adam Hey, let me tell you something, Brad. You know what? This year?

19:02 Caller What?

19:02 Adam We got Juggie twins.

19:04 Caller Can I come be on the show?

19:05 Adam Oh, yes. Twin Juggies on the Man Show.

19:09 Drew Are you shamelessly self-promoting the Man Show?

19:11 Adam I am, if Brad brings it up.

19:13 Caller Hi, Brad. It's all there is to it. It's better than the Loveline TV show.

19:16 Adam That's right. You're damn straight it is. Listen, his testes may not have descended, but his brain is functioning fully. I'll tell you that right now. This Brad is a genius.

19:27 Drew His body is 18 and his brain is 14.

19:29 Adam Always good to kiss up to guys that are mammoth. All right. Harv.

19:34 Hey.

19:35 Adam Hey, you're 14. What's up?

19:36 Caller Let me turn off old Freddie Mercury.

19:38 Adam All right. 14 years old. You're listening to Freddie Mercury?

19:41 Caller Yeah, man.

19:42 Caller All right.

19:43 Caller I'm chilling with my dad getting stoned too, so I'm not listening to the tunes. Little Pink Floyd here, Iron Maiden, all that.

19:50 Adam All right. Hey, watch the S-word there, Harv.

19:52 Caller I'm sorry there, man.

19:53 Adam All right.

19:54 Caller It's cool. My chick's been sticking some really weird stuff in her. I mean, like, you know, vacuums and turkey baskers.

20:02 Adam Hold on. You're getting high with your dad? Yeah. Where is he?

20:06 Caller You don't want to know.

20:07 Adam Is he there?

20:08 Caller No, he's not here, man. He's an alcoholic.

20:12 Long time alcoholic, short time father.

20:14 Adam All right. So how often you get high with your dad?

20:18 Caller Not very often.

20:19 Adam All right.

20:20 Caller Not anymore.

20:21 Adam Okay. But he's the one that's making you listen to Dark Side of the Moon and stuff, right?

20:25 Caller No, he's not making me. I love listening to that, man. I've listened to it since I was like seven, six.

20:30 Adam Yeah. Hippy dad got him going on Pink Floyd.

20:32 I ain't no hippy.

20:33 Adam No, you ain't. He is.

20:35 Caller No, he ain't no hippy. He's a construction worker.

20:38 Adam I'll tell you, when I'm in charge, I'm going to round up all construction workers and put them into some sort of work camp slash rehab. This is a good family history. They're all junkies. They're all messed up.

20:48 Caller He's been in rehab 20 times.

20:51 Adam He did what?

20:51 Caller He's been in the rehab AA.

20:53 Adam All right. Well, listen, Harv, you're going to make him proud because you're going to be in rehab soon too.

20:59 Caller Right. I already went through it, man.

21:01 Adam All right. Well, obviously, it didn't work. You're 14, you're listening to a Freddie Mercury and you're stoned. As a Rastafarian.

21:08 Caller I'm not stoned right now, but if I'm listening to you, I might as well be.

21:12 Adam Yeah. I don't know if that's good or not.

21:14 Drew I forgot. What was his question?

21:15 Adam I don't know. Your girlfriend's putting stuff over. Oh, yeah.

21:17 That's right.

21:18 Adam How old is she?

21:19 Caller She's 16. I only date upperclassmen.

21:21 All right.

21:22 Adam Hey, Harv, she's whacked out.

21:24 Caller I know this.

21:25 Adam Okay. Do not get her pregnant.

21:28 Caller Oh, no. No, man.

21:29 Adam What are you using for protection? That turkey baster? You're going back in after the sperm?

21:34 Caller I just love these pussy, man.

21:36 Adam What? Hey, Harv. Hey, Harv. Seriously, are you using any protection?

21:41 Caller I ain't using nothing. I ain't screwing her.

21:43 Adam What are you doing?

21:44 Caller I just eat her out.

21:45 Adam Oh, okay.

21:46 Drew Okay. Listen, the protection he needs is a good— Chivalry is not dead. He needs a good parent at 14.

21:51 Adam He needs a good beating is what he needs. Harv. Oh, forget it. Swear to Christ, Harv. Do not get her pregnant. You know, I was— I don't trust a man who only performs oral sex.

22:02 Drew Is it a premise of the show sex is not a recreational sport, or is that not a— Yeah.

22:07 Adam Shut up. Kevin?

22:08 Drew Yeah.

22:08 Adam You're 20.

22:09 Drew Yes.

22:10 Adam What's up?

22:10 Drew All right.

22:11 My girlfriend, she's reading about this crap in Cosmopolitan, which is a fictionalized magazine, I believe.

22:16 Adam Yeah. That's just some rag, a screwed up women look at.

22:20 Yeah, I know. And I think it's written by a bunch of women who have no idea about sex personally, but she's trying these things. Like, one time she's like, she's like, close your eyes. And I look down, I feel something. She's got a scrunchie, a hair scrunchie around my balls.

22:34 Adam Yeah, I know. I know. They read those goddamn articles, they turn into MacGyver all of a sudden.

22:40 As long as you ain't going down there with a pen and a keg of beer, I'm all right.

22:45 Adam You know, just listen, ladies, here's what we'd like. A nice BJ. Yes. Maybe a massage. Yes. Then we want to watch some TV. That's what these articles ought to say. Not to find your secret G-spot or put your index finger in his rectum and stimulate his prostate. This is all nonsense, these magazines.

23:08 Caller Exactly. She was pushing under my penis, like under, and she's like, how about that? I'm like, no. How about this? No. I felt like a can of pop was going to pop out of my ass or something. I don't know what was going on.

23:21 Adam I know.

23:21 Caller Do you know anything about that?

23:22 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce What about you, Dr. Bruce?

23:24 Caller What do you think?

23:24 Adam Trying to do like one of those retrograde ejaculation things.

23:29 Drew Well, at least she's trying to please you. How's the intimacy in the relationship?

23:34 Caller Hello?

23:34 Drew Hey, is there intimacy? Is there communication?

23:38 I don't know about that.

23:39 Caller I mean, she just decides lately she's been trying to get experimental. It's like, I don't know what to say. I don't want to be like, because I laughed at her the first time. I didn't get anything. And then like, let's see, the second time she tried something different. She tried something with a cough drop. And then she wanted me to do something with a cough drop. And I hate halls. Forget that. But she was telling me all this stuff like her old boyfriend. It was kind of weird, crazy stuff.

24:03 Drew You know, if you talk to a sex therapist, they're going to look at stuff like these articles. This is not the way to improve your sex. The way to improve your sex is to improve the quality of your communication and relationship.

24:14 Adam And multiple burners. I agree with Bruce. Yeah. I know. Cough drop on the penis, finger in the taint zone, scrunchy on the pubic hair. It all adds up to Big Fat Zero.

24:29 Drew It adds up to a typical Loveline call, actually.

24:32 Adam Listen. Ladies, you want to please your man? Lose ten pounds. Let him watch whatever show he wants to watch on TV. Give him a nice rub down. That's how you please your man. Forget about the scrunchy cutting off the blood to the testes while you do some sort of bizarre experiment, some sort of strange ritual on his penis. We're not interested in that. And stay away from the ass. You understand? Okay. The whole reason we're with you guys in the first place is because we don't like the ass play. If we like the ass play, we wouldn't be with the ladies. Right, Bruce?

25:11 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Right.

25:12 Adam All right. Anthrax is our guest tonight. I can see the boys are here. So we're going to break just a little bit early because we got to get them in here. So we'll take a little break. We'll be back with Anthrax. And we'll also talk to Jake, who has red spots in his urine. He wants to know what's up with that. Very hot topic after this. Yes, we're back. It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Bruce over there. Phone number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Bruce filming for Dr. Drew, who will be in here tomorrow night. He's in Missouri tonight, because somebody dropped a quarter in that state. He was alerted to it. He hopped on the first plane. That idiot. I swear to Christ. You want Drew to come over to your house and bake you a loaf of bread, give him 50 cents.

26:34 Drew Is he lecturing the doctors?

26:35 Adam Oh, who cares. I'm done with him. I'm done traveling around with that idiot.

26:39 Drew I talked to Susan a couple weeks ago and she's not happy with you either.

26:43 Adam I'm done. I'm done. I'm running all over town like an idiot all over the country chasing a buck.

26:48 Drew You're not welcoming their household anymore.

26:50 Adam Idiot. Alright, Anthrax. I was in Aspen. Do you understand? I was in Aspen. You know what I was doing? I was in Aspen, Colorado. Beautiful snow covered mountains, beautiful women. I was drinking, I was talking to Michael Eisner, the king of the world over there, the old Disney guy. He was telling me I was a genius and hugging me. And I broke away from his arms to go back to my hotel at 1 o'clock so I could be up at 5.30 and go to Stinking Kentucky. No more.

27:21 Drew He was drunker than you in other words.

27:23 Adam I think he was just horny. Anthrax is here. Scott Ian and John Bush are both here from the band. I think we saw these guys a couple of months back on the TV show.

27:34 Caller You did.

27:35 Adam Is that right? Had a good time with them. And I intend to have a good time with them tonight. Return of the Killer A's, although there would be a B that would be crossed out, is the name of the CD. It is currently out. Is this number 11?

27:53 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce I don't know. It's kind of a compilation greatest hits thing. So it would be maybe like number 9 or 10 with an asterisk next to it. Because it's not a new studio record.

28:04 Adam Right. And Anthrax is, well, how long have you officially been around? It says 18 years here.

28:10 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce I started the band in 81.

28:12 Adam Jesus Christ.

28:13 So what are we at?

28:16 Adam 19 years?

28:17 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce I say the same thing like when I'm getting on stage in Reno. Jesus Christ.

28:24 Adam But you guys, you guys are done touring now, right? I mean, you're going to gear up for like a summer tour? Or let me check my notes here.

28:32 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce We finished last night here in wonderful Los Angeles, at the House of Blues. And we had a rousing finish to our tour, actually. It was one of the best, probably the best LA show we've had in 10 years or something.

28:42 Adam How come?

28:43 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Just the energy level of the crowd. We generally, I kind of dislike playing Los Angeles. I find that the crowd here is just not nearly as good as other cities around the country. And the last time we played House of Blues here, it was kind of a boring show. I mean, I don't suck up to anybody. I'll tell the crowd if they stink or not. And we got on stage last night kind of going in with that attitude, like, all right, well, it's the last show. We're going to have fun anyway because all our friends are here and we're just going to get drunk after the show and go home. And the crowd turned out to just, it blew us away. It really blew me. Like, my feet never touched the ground the whole night. It was that much energy.

29:20 Adam Once in a while, LA crowd will surprise you, but by and large, I've said this many times, I'm convinced no one is from LA. They take the top 10 percent of A-holes in other cities across the country and they ship them to LA. Everyone's got something to do. They got somewhere to be. They're more important than you are. They're horribly distracted. No one wants to do their job here because there's another job they'd like to do that they're not doing. It makes for bad football fans. It makes for bad baseball fans. It makes for bad music fans. It's just bad everything. Bad taxi drivers, bad waitresses, bad everything. I know.

29:57 Caller I'm born and raised in Los Angeles and I really kind of get offended sometimes because people say, Oh, LA they have a certain aura and I feel like it's a lot of the people who are transplanted here, the people who kind of relocate here and they take on this persona where they think Los Angeles is and all the people that I know, all my friends, all my close friends who are born and raised here, they don't have that attitude at all. So I get a little offended.

30:18 Adam Yes, the A-hole transplants. And plus, let me explain something, all you idiots. If you are 42 years old and you left Chicago on your eighth birthday and have lived in Los Angeles for the last 34 years, you're an LA person.

30:36 Don't talk about Chicago so much. Quit rooting for the Cubs, stop talking about the Bears, stop talking about getting a good, deep-dish pizza. You left in the second grade.

30:46 Adam This LA is chock-full of people from Chicago, New York, San Francisco. They're all different places. Half of them left the place before they were 10.

30:55 Now they're in their mid-50s and they can't stop talking about where they're from, although they never ever go back.

31:02 Caller And they left for a reason, obviously.

31:03 Adam Yeah, you're freezing your ass off over there. You couldn't find work. Now you're in LA. Just count yourself as an LA person. It's embarrassing for people to say they're from here or transplanted here. No one will do that.

31:15 Drew How about them Yankees?

31:16 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce How about them Yankees? There you go. All right.

31:19 Adam So Anthrax is here. We'll hear something off the CD in just a moment. But first, we'll get back to the phones. Jake.

31:26 Caller Hey, Adam, I just took a career essay and it said I'm going to be a metal worker.

31:31 Adam Are you serious?

31:32 Caller Metal. Awesome.

31:33 Adam You got to kill yourself now.

31:34 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce So that means you're going to work for a metal band?

31:37 Caller No, like I'm going to work around.

31:38 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Are you going into metallurgy?

31:42 Caller And also, whatever happened here, simply got rings and lava lamps idea.

31:46 Adam Yeah. Let me explain that. I was going to open a store in a mall that was called that. And then I had a long discussion with the program director out here that mentioned that the C ring was not a good word to say on the air, you see? And so it kind of put a little dent in my plan.

32:08 Caller Oh, those bastards.

32:10 Adam Yeah. That's the man again.

32:12 Caller Oh, God damn.

32:13 Jake, what's going on with your urine?

32:17 Caller Yeah. Just little red spots. I don't know what the hell they are. Yeah.

32:23 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce For how long have you been in red spots?

32:25 Caller About one day, about two days ago that I had some really, really painful ejaculation.

32:31 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Have you gotten a kidney punch lately?

32:33 Caller No. Not at all.

32:34 Caller Maybe the spots are in your eyes.

32:36 Drew Any burning when you urinate, frequency, fever?

32:41 Caller I've had a headache.

32:42 Drew To cut to the chase, you got to get a urinalysis done. It could be blood and especially if you've had other pain in that area.

32:48 Caller What can that cause? Can that be like really affecting?

32:51 Drew If you have blood, it's probably not serious, but it's probably also an infection. So you need a urinalysis, you need to get it done as soon as possible.

33:00 Adam Yeah, blood in the urine is not that big a deal.

33:01 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it, actually.

33:04 Drew Something new.

33:05 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Just let it go.

33:05 Adam Somebody told me, I had it before.

33:08 Drew Somebody told me. That's a dangerous statement.

33:10 Adam That was the doctor. So you're too much jumping around. Stop jumping around so much.

33:14 Drew Yeah, well, there's marching material. If you walk, exercise a lot, you can get some red cells. But not, he's got gross blood in the urine.

33:20 Adam Okay, go with the dot.

33:21 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Is that kind of like when you get that red dot in an egg, you know, when you crack an egg and sometimes there's that red dot in the egg?

33:26 Adam Yeah, that's always a little weird.

33:27 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Yeah.

33:28 Adam Yeah, right in the yolk, right in the middle there?

33:29 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Yeah, that's my visual of this whole thing, is the red in the egg yolk right now.

33:33 Adam Yeah, I always think of that as the eye.

33:36 Caller The eye.

33:36 Adam The chicken's saying, don't eat me. And I'm going, it's too late. What is that red dot in there? Why is that in that egg?

33:45 Caller After birth.

33:46 Adam All right, you know. Brian?

33:51 Oh, yeah, like, hey Adam and Bruce and Anthrax.

33:57 Adam Hi.

33:58 Yeah, I like to, like, choke myself out.

34:02 Adam Right.

34:02 Yeah. And I want to know, like, any, like, things that could happen if I do that.

34:09 Adam You choke yourself?

34:10 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Auto erotic asphyxiation.

34:12 Caller Michael Hudgens.

34:13 Drew Yeah. Generally, things happen.

34:15 Adam You do it when you're driving? Because that's the thing.

34:18 I can't drive.

34:19 Adam Oh, you're 14. You do it when you're masturbating?

34:25 Caller No comment.

34:26 Drew Okay.

34:27 Adam He doesn't want to tarnish his reputation.

34:29 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Is there a noose involved? Or do you use your hands?

34:33 Caller I use my hands. I take like 15 quick breaths, and then I take a deep one, and I just...

34:39 Drew Okay, Brian.

34:40 Caller I just squeeze.

34:41 Adam You squeeze your neck with one hand, and you choke your chicken with the other? Is that the way it works?

34:48 Caller Yeah, yeah.

34:48 Caller That's how it works.

34:50 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce The effect would be better if you had someone standing next to you, socking you in the face as you were doing that.

34:55 Adam I'd get into that, but it's like I wag off like four times a day. I don't have time to strangle myself. I mean, at the rate I masturbate, I'm sure I would kill myself within the week.

35:05 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Does it really feel that much better? Does it really make it that much better?

35:10 Caller Well, it's like you get all tingly and stuff.

35:14 Drew Yeah, listen. Generally, things that deny oxygen to the brain are not healthy, and people are found dead on a regular basis that do this, because the things that you do to excite yourself like this will, you'll need progressive increase in what you do for excitement. In your 14, I'd wonder if you've had some problems in the past, any kind of, is there any past that you haven't told us about in terms of anything sexual or abuse or family problems?

35:41 Caller Do you want me to start from the first little problem?

35:46 Adam Yeah, start at the first little one and move on to the last big one.

35:49 Caller Okay, I like when I was eight, okay, my first, my father was never around, then he like started hanging with me when I was eight, then he left again when I was nine and my ninth birthday, so like, so you started choking yourself. I've been like screwing up in school and getting a lot of trouble.

36:11 Adam All right.

36:12 Caller I almost got kicked out of my grave and dropped, and I used to be an Ace student now, like I got straight ass.

36:17 Adam Yeah, why don't you choke him? I mean.

36:20 Caller Oh, he lives right down the street.

36:22 Adam Well, that's what I'm saying.

36:23 Caller He doesn't even want to see me, so.

36:25 Adam All right, listen, Brian, I know he's in a hole. I'm sorry for what he did to you. And unfortunately, it happens all the time. There's a lot of bad dads in this country. It doesn't make you bad, and you got to overcome this. But stop choking yourself.

36:39 Caller Oh, it's fun, though.

36:41 Adam Yeah, listen, a lot of stuff is fun. Then keep doing it.

36:43 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce All right, that's right.

36:44 Drew Talk to a counselor, talk to somebody.

36:48 Adam Listen, I only have so many arms. I couldn't work the VCR, choke myself.

36:53 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce No, I know, holding the magazine, the KY. They said, what are you going to do?

36:59 Adam Yeah, there's a big Duncan tub of KY there. You got the lobster bib with the bullseye spread out on your chest. There's the VCR going.

37:10 Drew He didn't sound quite that resourceful.

37:12 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce No. Is that the autohorotic disfixation thing? Is it pretty prevalent?

37:19 Drew Yeah.

37:19 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Avalent?

37:20 Drew Yes, that's not unusual. It sounds like he was a little embarrassed about it. Typically, at 14, you think that whatever you're doing or happens to you, you're the only one it's happened to.

37:28 Adam Right. Shannon?

37:29 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Yeah. I check out on that.

37:31 Adam Listen, here's the deal. If I don't do it, it's weird. That's the way I look at everything.

37:37 Drew In medical school, they'd show you the guy that was hung, he's wearing a dress, and how did he get there? Well, it was autoeroticism. So it's a very embarrassing way to be found dead, but you're not aware of it.

37:45 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce You think?

37:47 Caller But then you're dead. So then.

37:49 Adam Yeah, that's got to be rough. I mean, just during the eulogy, the guy probably like start breaking up. Larry was a dedicated father, a loving son, an ugly address. I mean, you may.

38:11 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce I have a girlfriend in San Francisco who's a mortician. I'm going to have to ask her if she's ever dealt with one of these.

38:18 Adam Please. I'm, I, too much work. Shannon, you're 18. What's up?

38:24 Caller Well, me and my boyfriend were kind of like in my room right now and he's handcuffed to the bed and well, he fell asleep, but I don't really like the whole handcuff thing. And I mean, is it okay that we do that? I mean, that's strange.

38:42 Adam He fell asleep handcuffed to the bed?

38:45 Caller Well, I kind of wore him out.

38:47 Caller Right.

38:48 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Shooosh.

38:49 Adam Still, it's still tough to knot off when you're shackled, isn't it?

38:54 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce You'd think.

38:54 Adam This guy would make a model prisoner. You know what I mean? This guy is just meant for jail. This guy, you know, they just chain him right to something and he'd just fall right asleep.

39:03 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Don't you want to take the handcuffs off at least to make him a little bit more comfortable now? He doesn't wake up with gangrene in his hands or something?

39:09 Caller No.

39:09 Drew No?

39:10 Caller No.

39:11 Drew You hear more and more, or at least on this show, more and more of the calls people are doing extra things to make their sex better.

39:17 Adam That's right.

39:17 Drew A lot of these things become the focus of the sex, and they become problems. And she has a little girl voice, and she's asking us what's okay. So there's boundary issues.

39:26 Adam What happened to you, Shannon? Something up with you?

39:28 Caller No.

39:29 Adam You sure?

39:30 Caller I'm positive.

39:30 Adam What did your dad and or uncle do to you?

39:33 Caller Nothing.

39:34 Drew Okay. Is this okay with you? It sounds like you have a problem with what he's into.

39:39 Adam Well, who's into the cuffing, you or him?

39:41 Drew Him.

39:42 Adam He is? You don't want to play along?

39:46 Caller I don't mind playing along. It's just not really something that...

39:49 Adam Right. You really want to torture him, you handcuff him to a futon.

39:54 Caller No.

39:54 Adam Those things are horrible. I mean, that's pain. Futon in Japanese means bear trap. You guys know that. Hey, Shannon, go wake him up. We want to talk to him.

40:08 Caller I don't think I want to wake him up.

40:09 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Come on, throw cold water on him.

40:11 Adam Wake him up and give us, put the phone in his usable hand.

40:15 Drew What's he like? Is he a real nice guy? A little sensitive, caring, a lot of good communication in your relationship.

40:21 Adam He's Sir Walter Raleigh, I'm sure. Hey, bitch, let me cuff you to the bed. Go get him. Give the phone to him.

40:30 Caller Well, he's not really that good of a person when he just wakes up.

40:34 Adam All right. Well, why are you hanging with him then? How old is he?

40:37 Caller He's 19.

40:39 Adam Okay. Why are you hanging around with the guy if he's handcuffing you, you don't like it and you don't like him that much?

40:44 Caller Well, I do. I like him a lot.

40:46 Adam All right. Where's your dad?

40:48 Caller At home.

40:49 Adam Yeah. Did he leave you? Did he do anything to you? Did he abandon you?

40:53 Caller No.

40:53 Adam No. Is he a good dad?

40:55 Caller Yeah. He's a good dad.

40:55 Adam He is?

40:56 Drew And you still have a close relationship with him and you have?

40:59 Caller Yeah.

41:00 Adam Yeah?

41:00 Caller He's not as close as when I was little there, but he was.

41:02 Adam Has he been a good dad? Yeah. He has. All right. Then stop humiliating him. Do you hear me? Please. Who knows what's up with her? I mean, I don't think we're going to talk any sense to her. She's not going to let us talk to the boyfriend.

41:17 Drew We should have people send their psychiatric files ahead when they call.

41:20 Adam No.

41:20 Caller That might end the show.

41:23 Keep Drew busy.

41:24 Adam All right. We're going to take ourself a little break. We got an anthrax here. We're going to hear something off the CD. Want to hear something? Yeah. What are you giving me that, Anderson? Yeah. All right. Let's hear an anthrax song. That's a damn good idea. This is off of Return of the Killer A's, and this one is called Inside Out.

46:58 We'll be right back with more Loveline.

47:28 Adam Yep, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. It is Dr. Bruce over there. Scott and John are both here representing the anthrax.

47:35 Caller I want to say hi to my mom. Hi, mom. I hope you're listening. And all that dysfunction that you brought me in my life. I'm joking. She knows she did.

47:44 Adam Return of the Killer A's is the name of the CD, and we'll hear something else off at the next hour. Bruce, fill in for Dr. Drew. Drew, we'll be back tomorrow night. Drew, I should say Bruce is highly qualified.

47:58 Joe, I hope my mother's not listening.

48:00 Caller He rolls his eyes.

48:02 Adam Joe, you're 16. What's up?

48:04 Caller Yeah, when I did pot three weeks ago, ever since I haven't been able to masturbate.

48:11 Drew Spread the word. That's what it does.

48:14 Adam When I ain't been too busy eating.

48:18 Caller I don't know. It's just like ever since I haven't been able to even think of masturbating.

48:22 Drew It sounds like maybe you're depressed. Sometimes after people smoke pot, they get depressed for a period of time. Any anxiety or depression or changing your appetite?

48:33 Caller Yeah, I haven't been eating as much either.

48:35 Drew Really? That's hard.

48:37 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Maybe you should smoke some more weed.

48:39 Drew Okay.

48:41 Adam Joe, how many times did you smoke pot for the first time?

48:44 Drew Yeah.

48:45 Adam And that's it?

48:47 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

48:48 Drew Did you get real anxious?

48:49 Caller We smoked up like three times that day though.

48:51 Adam Yeah, but did you get real anxious when you were high?

48:54 Caller When I was on it?

48:55 Adam Yeah.

48:56 Caller No.

48:57 Adam No, so you didn't have a bad trip or anything. You just no more masturbating.

49:03 Caller Yeah, it's just like every night, like usually when I'm about to fall asleep, I'll usually masturbate or like sometimes I'm in the basement, like at least like once or twice a day, but like ever since.

49:12 Adam Thanks. Yeah. In the basement.

49:14 Caller In the basement.

49:15 Adam What's going on in the basement? Hey, mom, you make some good preserves. Let me tell you, man.

49:20 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Check out that washing machine.

49:21 Adam Yeah.

49:23 Drew So Joe, the question is whether or not you're depressed. The masturbation, there's no direct relationship. And marijuana is a very, you know, it's a set and setting drug. Your mindset and the setting you're in affects how you feel. If you have a family history of mental health problems, depression.

49:39 Adam Why don't you try getting back on that horse again, Joe?

49:42 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce There you go.

49:43 Adam You know what I mean? You got to break on through. Sometimes you got to, you know, you got to be man. You got to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and whack off.

49:50 Drew Have you had any depression in your family or have you had any mental health problems?

49:54 Adam My grandfather told me that.

49:56 Drew No.

49:56 Caller Good advice.

49:57 Adam Then he told me, hold still and be quiet. Don't say nothing.

50:01 Drew Okay.

50:01 Adam All right, Joe. Why don't you try masturbating, see what happens.

50:04 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Right now.

50:06 Caller While you're listening to the show.

50:08 Adam Joe, seriously. Joe, I'll tell you what. Joe? Yeah. We're going to put you on hold. All right. I'm going to check back with you in about 10 minutes. All right.

50:17 Drew Joe, you need to talk.

50:18 Adam I'd like to see some production.

50:20 Drew Yeah. I'd like him to talk to somebody though, because it sounds like there's more going on here.

50:23 Adam All right. Well, maybe. But let's just see if we can take care of this. Joe?

50:27 Caller Yeah.

50:28 Adam Can you work on yourself and we'll check?

50:29 Caller Yeah.

50:30 Adam What do you need? 10 minutes, 15 minutes?

50:33 Caller 15.

50:34 Adam 15?

50:35 Caller Hit the basement.

50:37 Adam When I was 16, I got four off in 15 minutes. Are you kidding?

50:40 Caller No, because I have to go downstairs and start up the computer and see if I can find some porn on there.

50:44 Adam Oh, yeah. Slave to technology. Yeah. Let me tell you, we didn't have computers when I was a kid. We had charcoal drawings on bark.

50:54 Caller Use your imagination.

50:55 Adam I would walk 10 miles in the snow to see a hieroglyphic of pornography. Just a stick drawing in the sand of what looked to be like a naked woman was good enough. I mean, seriously, the Vegas ad in the back of the sports page was good enough for me. Now these kids, I got to go get the, you know, stump porn and computer porn.

51:17 Drew It's dangerous. It's not good.

51:18 Adam Yeah, I know.

51:19 Drew It's 16.

51:19 Adam The bar's raised too high for them. And they have porn on DVD now and stuff. I mean, could you imagine?

51:25 Caller Yeah.

51:26 Adam Yeah, they're ruined. They're ruined. They go camping. They're screwed.

51:30 Caller Get stoned and let your imagination go crazy and then beat off.

51:34 Adam There you go.

51:34 When you turn 21.

51:36 Caller When you turn 21.

51:38 Drew Why do 16 year olds get stoned?

51:40 Caller I don't know. But they can beat off. Oh, absolutely.

51:43 Adam All right. We'll check back in with John. I hope he can take the phone down with him.

51:50 Drew Quit bothering the guys.

51:51 Adam John? Yeah? John, are you taking the phone down to the basement with you?

51:56 Caller Uh, this ain't John.

51:58 Adam Oh, wait a minute. Who are we talking to? Hold on, John. Hold on a second. Well, now I'm confused. Joe?

52:04 Caller Yeah.

52:05 Adam Where are you? You got the computer? Where's the computer?

52:09 Caller It's in my dad's office.

52:10 Caller Oh, yeah.

52:12 Adam Yeah.

52:12 Drew Does he check the history on there after you've been on it?

52:15 Caller Uh, no. He never uses it.

52:17 Adam All right.

52:18 Drew What kind of sites do you get into? With some real hardcore stuff or?

52:21 Caller Uh, no, not really. I'm not into that kind of stuff.

52:24 Adam Hey, watch the S word there, Joe. Come on. That's a good one.

52:27 Drew Only Adam Corolla.

52:27 Adam Also a Christian show. Hey, Joe, so maybe the problem is having yourself in your dad's office.

52:33 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Yeah, that always turns me on.

52:35 Adam Yeah, it's like pictures of your dad with his arm around Jimmy Carter, and you're trying to get at yourself, and that's a distraction. Wearing a bad 70s suit with the wide tie, smiling, hair big, bad comb over. There's a picture next to him, like holding the striped bass up, you know.

52:54 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Number one dad mug stand.

52:56 Adam With all the pencils in it. That's got to throw you off a little bit. I pretend I don't have parents when I masturbate. I pretend I'm an orphan, like Oliver Twist.

53:07 Drew I did a show with Adam's dad as a guest. What a great guy. Oh, please. Contradistinction of this.

53:13 Adam What an idiot. Are you kidding me? You're ruining me. I'm suing him. I'm waiting.

53:17 Drew Please.

53:19 Adam I'm going to give him some money and then I'm going to sue him and get it all back. That's my plan.

53:22 Drew There's no attorney in their right mind that wouldn't represent him against you. Poor guy.

53:28 Adam Alright, we'll take a quick break, I think. And then Anthrax is here, Bruce is here. We'll check back with Joe, see what he's pulled up on the computer and see what he's pulled up on himself after this.

53:40 Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

53:43 Adam Well, it's worth hearing. Yeah, hey, it is Loveline. I'm Adam, that is Bruce. We're gonna take a quick 10 second Loveline time out here at the top of the hour. We'll be back with more of the show in just 10 seconds.

54:24 Caller This is Loveline on Radio Station.

54:39 Adam It's Loveline, we're back. Scott and John are both here from Anthrax. Bruce is here from Redlands, or wherever the hell he's stupid enough to live. How, where do you live? Like 75 miles from here?

54:50 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Redlands. Mentone.

54:52 Drew Oh, Mentone Beach.

54:53 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Mentone.

54:54 Drew Where the hell is Mentone Beach? Great bumpers.

54:55 Caller Redlands. A lot of crystal meth out there, I think. Ah, yeah.

54:58 Adam That's why he moved there. He was tired of making the drive to the park twice a week. All right, so Bruce, you can get what you need to make the speed, right? I mean, from the hospital.

55:09 Drew No, from the drug store. Ephedrine, they make it out of Ephedrine.

55:12 Adam All right, don't tell the kids how to make the speed.

55:14 Drew I'm sure they're going to run down to the drug store and buy Ephedrine and make speed.

55:17 Adam All right, there you go. I'm going to give him the recipe again.

55:20 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Hey, where's John going?

55:22 Adam Fantastic. All right, we will hop back on the phones. Return of the Killer A's is the name of the Anthrax CD. We're plugging tonight. Like I said, we'll hear something else off of that before the night is true. Until then, we'll speak to Jeff, who's 17. Jeff, what's up?

55:39 Caller Going down.

55:39 Adam You have two girlfriends?

55:41 Caller Yeah.

55:43 Adam And you're very controlling over them? You want to know if it's okay to tell them what to do?

55:48 Caller Yeah.

55:49 Adam How old are they?

55:51 Caller One's 14 and the other one's 16.

55:56 Adam Yeah.

55:57 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Well, they're able to make their own decision.

56:00 Adam 14, you're a grown woman. When's menopause set in?

56:03 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce 15?

56:04 Drew So it sounds like you have a very sound moral system. Where did you develop that moral system?

56:08 Having two girlfriends?

56:10 Caller I kind of started when I was going out with them like a while ago. But I know they all say, well, there's all these guys they like and all this stuff. And I always want to meet the guys and tell them not to, I'm with them, so don't touch them.

56:22 Adam Yeah.

56:23 Caller All right.

56:23 Adam Where's your mom?

56:26 Caller I don't know. She's away right now.

56:28 Adam What do you mean away?

56:29 Caller Like traveling.

56:30 Are you sexually active with them?

56:33 Caller With one of them. The other one is kind of young, so I don't want to.

56:35 Drew Well, that's responsible of you.

56:37 Adam You don't want to dent her? Yeah. Listen, Jeff, seriously, where's your mom? It doesn't sound like you like her. Oh, I do. You do?

56:47 Caller Yeah.

56:47 Adam Well, where is she?

56:48 Caller She's just traveling like with a dolphin or something.

56:53 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Can you be more vague? Yeah.

56:55 Adam She's traveling and golfing.

56:58 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce That's life.

56:58 Adam Sounds like a good song.

56:59 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Yeah.

57:00 Adam And is she lesbian?

57:02 Caller Nope.

57:03 Adam Oh, they're going to, if they find that out, they'll kick her right off the tour.

57:06 Drew Jeff, do the girls know about each other?

57:08 Caller No. I'm just keeping it a secret.

57:11 Drew Okay. Well, you want to know what to do.

57:13 Adam Well, what grade are you in, Jeff?

57:15 Caller 11th grade.

57:16 Adam And what grade is the 14-year-old?

57:19 Caller Probably eighth grade.

57:20 Adam That asshole, probably eighth grade.

57:23 Caller I don't really ask him about the school.

57:24 Adam Oh, please. You know what the hell grade she's in.

57:28 Drew He doesn't care.

57:29 Adam She's in the eighth grade. Listen, you idiot, you're in high school. You're dating an eighth grader? Yeah. What's wrong with you? Lame.

57:36 Caller He's pretty hot, though.

57:38 Adam So what? I mean, she's in the eighth grade, you moron.

57:42 Drew Yeah, you know, at 16, 17, you're supposed to be taking some responsibility, what you're doing. What to do is break up with both of them and start over again and get your honesty and your boundaries a little more aligned with reality. You're using them, you're going to damage them, and you're going to set up a pattern for yourself in which it will be easier to lie and be dishonest in future relationships.

58:04 Adam All right, there you go, Jeff. I'll see you in hell.

58:07 All right?

58:08 Caller Smug some pot of Mouserbeak.

58:10 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce All right, Jeff?

58:12 Caller Yeah, I guess that worked.

58:13 Adam Well, listen, come on, stop screwing with an eighth grader, you idiot.

58:16 Drew What did you expect when you asked what to do? What advice did you expect to get?

58:20 Caller Well, no, it's just that the guy keeps on bringing to me and introducing me to the last one and beat up because I want to keep them, you know, I want to stay with them.

58:29 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Future serial killers of America.

58:31 Yeah.

58:32 Adam Hey, Jeff?

58:33 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce I want to keep them.

58:35 Adam Yeah, where? In the basement or the closet? Where do you want to keep them? Chained to a radiator?

58:40 Drew The people you date bring other men to you for evaluation or what?

58:43 Adam Why are they bringing other guys around?

58:45 Caller I don't know. They think their friends are really tough or something. I don't know.

58:49 Drew They're trying to impress you. Is this the 14-year-old?

58:51 Caller Yeah, yeah.

58:52 Drew Oh, well, stop dating a 14-year-old.

58:55 Caller Yeah, I think I'm going to get rid of her, I guess.

58:57 Drew Don't get rid of her. Why do you talk about it?

58:58 You don't like women.

58:59 Adam Get rid of her. That's like you put her in a sack and throw her in the river. You go to hell and you die!

59:05 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Right when he said his mom was traveling, I started getting suspicious. Like, maybe they should start looking under the beds.

59:11 Drew But she started traveling when they removed the umbilical cord or cut the umbilical cord.

59:14 Adam All right, Jeff, knock it off. Find Jesus Christ, would you?

59:19 Caller I'll go to church then.

59:20 Adam There. You won't find him there.

59:22 Drew He'll victimize the girls in church.

59:24 Adam I've learned Jesus is not in church, he's in prison. Every third guy who goes to prison finds Jesus Christ. I think he's actually incarcerated. Would somebody parole Jesus so we could get a look at him too, please?

59:37 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce I love that.

59:38 Adam You think he'd get time off for good behavior, being Jesus and all.

59:42 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce That should be the bummer. Jesus is coming back when his sentence is up.

59:46 Adam When he's paroled. Jesus will be here in 8 to 12. John? Yeah. You're 22.

59:55 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Yes, sir.

59:56 Adam What's up?

59:57 Caller Not much, Adam. How are you doing?

59:58 Adam I'm tired.

59:59 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce You're tired?

1:00:00 Adam Yeah.

1:00:00 Caller I just want to say you're a pretty cool dude.

1:00:02 Adam Well, thank you.

1:00:04 I got a little problem.

1:00:06 Caller For me to get to sleep at night, I got to masturbate or have sex.

1:00:09 Adam Yeah.

1:00:10 Caller I don't know why.

1:00:13 Caller I've been doing it since I was 17.

1:00:15 Yeah.

1:00:16 Drew Because you've been doing it since 17, it's become a pattern. And that's why you're having problems sleeping if you don't do it.

1:00:23 Adam Well, all right. But what's the big deal?

1:00:26 Caller Not really a big deal.

1:00:27 Caller It's just it's getting to be a problem.

1:00:32 Adam Well, most guys squeeze one off before they hit the sack, don't they?

1:00:37 Caller I mean, isn't that?

1:00:38 Caller Okay, I do.

1:00:40 Adam First of all, what's the problem? I don't understand.

1:00:43 Drew Do you exercise every day?

1:00:46 Adam Not counting masturbation. No.

1:00:48 Caller It's on my left hand, so it's tough then.

1:00:51 Adam Hey, John.

1:00:52 Caller Yeah.

1:00:54 Adam How many times you do it a day just before you go to bed?

1:00:57 Once or twice.

1:00:58 Adam All right. Well, that's fine. Why don't you spare yourself during the day and just do it once before you go to bed?

1:01:04 That's usually what I do.

1:01:06 Adam All right. Good.

1:01:06 Drew You know, seriously.

1:01:07 Adam Oh, hang on. Forget it. Who cares? He's 22. Some guys like warm milk. Others like warm milk on the belly, I guess. The point is, 99% of guys I know, you know, squeeze one off before they go to bed at night. How do you know that? I talk to my friends. I'm interested in their sex life. I did an informal poll on all the man show writers when we were in a van going down to Santa Barbara a few weekends ago for what we call a writers retreat. We didn't even bring pens this time. I mean, screw it, it's just debauchery, just drunken debauchery. But every guy in that van was good for eight or ten times a week, you know. Sure, nothing wrong with that. Yeah, it sounds normal to me. William?

1:01:56 Yes.

1:01:56 Adam You're 31?

1:01:57 Caller Yes.

1:01:58 Adam Wow, there's a lot of S's in your yes.

1:02:00 Drew Do you think Adam's cool? I just want to know.

1:02:02 Caller I totally think Adam is so cool.

1:02:04 Drew It's a certain premonition. When somebody says that, then you know how it's going to be special.

1:02:08 Caller All right.

1:02:09 Adam Are you gay, William?

1:02:10 Caller I am.

1:02:11 Adam All right. Woo-hoo. What's up?

1:02:14 Caller Well, back in January, I started dating a guy who just got out of prison. He was in prison for four years.

1:02:20 Adam Was his name Jesus?

1:02:21 Caller Jesus Christ, yeah.

1:02:23 Adam Was he wearing a robe and a beard?

1:02:26 Caller All right. Ground of thorns.

1:02:28 Caller All right.

1:02:29 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Holes in his hands.

1:02:31 Caller What?

1:02:32 Adam Listen, Jesus loves all his children.

1:02:36 Caller Especially in prison.

1:02:37 Adam I mean loves, yeah. So you started dating a guy. What was he in the joint for?

1:02:44 Caller Well, he beat up his ex-boyfriend pretty bad.

1:02:48 Adam Really? He didn't have any priors or anything?

1:02:53 Caller He had one prior before that. It was drug-related.

1:02:56 Adam All right. So is he kind of a violent guy?

1:02:58 Caller Well, not that I can ever see. I've never seen any of that from him.

1:03:03 Adam Well, maybe the guy had a comment. He didn't pull out or something.

1:03:05 Drew You know what I mean? Okay. What's your question?

1:03:08 Caller Well, my question is, on the day I met him actually back in January, I had gotten my HIV results back and they were negative, as I was pretty sure they would be. We were together a few days and I started learning more and more about his sex life while he was in prison. And he promised me that he had been safe in prison, always used condoms and stuff like that, but not with oral sex. And he also told me that he did have one partner for some period of time that he knew to be HIV positive and he had had oral sex with him. And before I found that out, I had already had oral sex with the guy that I'm dating now. And he hasn't been tested in about a year. And my question is, what is the likelihood that he could have gotten HIV from his friend and then that I could have gotten it from him?

1:04:04 Drew Okay, it's a totally different story from anal sex or vaginal sex. When you, the mouth generally is a very difficult place to have transmission of the virus. You're not gonna get it transmitted through the normal mucous membranes there. But if there's a break in the mucous membranes, if there's bleeding, gum bleeding, something like that, you have to have blood exposure basically. I mean, as far as we know.

1:04:27 Adam All right, so listen, it's tougher, but you're still kind of spinning the roulette wheel there.

1:04:32 Drew Yeah, the Center for Disease Control, any of the recommendations, official recommendations that are made are, they talk about an oral dam, and you want to avoid mucous membrane contact. It is possible, but it's much less possible.

1:04:43 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce An oral dam, that's a turn on.

1:04:44 Caller Oh, yeah. Oral sex with condoms is like a four-year-old going to the bank. I mean, it's like who needs it, you know what I mean? Who wants it, why bother?

1:04:53 Drew Yeah, the scary thing with HIV is the time when you're most likely...

1:04:56 Adam This is a real regular Will Rogers, by the way.

1:04:59 Drew You're most likely to transmit this early on when you have lots of virus in the blood. Right away when you get infected, and for the next several months, the virus load grows rapidly, and the person has no, you know, they can't get tested.

1:05:11 Adam All right, well, listen, here's...

1:05:12 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce So, are you...

1:05:13 Adam Are you having... How's your Behaiman? Is that still intact?

1:05:17 Caller No, it's not.

1:05:18 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Behaiman.

1:05:19 Adam No, that was broken years ago.

1:05:21 Caller I'm 31.

1:05:22 Adam Yeah, no, I understand. No, that's bound to go sooner or later.

1:05:25 Caller But we've always been safe with condoms and stuff in that room.

1:05:28 Adam I understand. And why are you dating this guy? I'm not nuts about him.

1:05:32 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce He's attracted to the bad seed. Yeah.

1:05:34 Caller Well, I never have really been attracted to that type before, but...

1:05:37 Adam Right.

1:05:38 Drew Was he drinking when he beat up the other guy?

1:05:41 Caller Yeah, they were both drinking.

1:05:43 Drew Is he still drink? Okay. And that's, I mean, that's an issue. It's clearly an issue when people end up in jail because they're drinking statistically over 90% of them are alcoholics.

1:05:54 Adam Are you, aren't you a little fearful that this guy is going to get loaded and beat you around a little?

1:05:59 Caller If he does, I'll send him straight back to prison. I mean, and so will everybody else who knows him.

1:06:04 Adam Okay.

1:06:04 Caller So I'm not worried that he's going to kill me. I mean, if he hits me, that's the end of it.

1:06:08 Drew How often do you drink?

1:06:10 Caller I drink three, four times a week.

1:06:12 Drew Do you drink more than you want to drink?

1:06:14 Caller Yeah, I drink more than I want to drink.

1:06:15 Drew And you know, in the gay community, alcoholism is a problem that is higher than in the general population.

1:06:21 Adam Of course, you're going to get it in the ass, you better get loaded. I knew I was getting it in the ass. I'd have an IV of Jack Daniels in me right now. Please, anything to numb that pain.

1:06:31 Drew William, did you expect great sensitivity from Adam in that area of...

1:06:35 Caller I don't expect much from Adam, actually.

1:06:37 Adam And the gay guys are into the amyl nitrate too, right? They pop those poppers.

1:06:43 Caller I've never been around that or even exposed to it, I don't know.

1:06:45 Drew That's part of Adam's stereotypical world, you know, he's got to have all the pieces.

1:06:49 Caller I think Adam knows a little bit more about it than I do, actually.

1:06:52 Adam About the gays?

1:06:53 Caller No, about the poppers and things like that.

1:06:56 Adam Well listen, I've never done one of those, but I have studied the gays many times. You can find me in the bush with my binoculars and my notepad like Jane Goodall.

1:07:07 Caller Okay, one more thing. The guy tells me that he's kind of afraid to go get tested right now because he thinks that I'll leave him if he comes back positive. And this puts me in a situation of, you know, how firm do I be about forcing him to get tested and do I cut him off from sex?

1:07:27 Adam Yes, yes. Protect yourself, man. Get him tested, please. Come on. I mean, the excuse of, I don't want to get tested because if I'm positive, you may leave. That's the world's worst excuse. I mean, that's horrible.

1:07:38 Drew But it's common. And the problem here is you're drinking. What's going to happen is you're going to have too much to drink, and you're not going to know what his status is.

1:07:46 Adam You've got to cut him off, get him tested, and stop boozing so much.

1:07:52 Drew It sounds like there are other issues that you have. This guy is alcoholic. It sounds like you've got some problems with alcohol.

1:07:58 Adam Let me see how bad his alcohol is.

1:08:00 Drew Three or four times a week.

1:08:01 Adam William, shut up. William, how many wine coolers do you put away in one sitting?

1:08:06 Caller I don't even touch wine cooler.

1:08:07 Adam Okay. What do you drink?

1:08:10 Caller I'll drink vodka. I drink vodka, I drink wine, and I drink beer.

1:08:16 Adam Okay. So do I. All right. All right, William, get him tested, please. You're 31 years old. I don't know what's wrong with you, but get him tested. All right. All right. There you go.

1:08:27 Drew Go to an Amy.

1:08:27 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce I didn't know you can go to jail for like slap fighting and pinching.

1:08:32 Caller Hair falling?

1:08:34 Drew You're a chip off the middle of the line. Chris?

1:08:38 Caller Yeah.

1:08:38 Adam Hey, you're 17. What's up?

1:08:40 Caller Yeah. Hey, I love The Man Show, by the way.

1:08:41 Adam Oh, thank you.

1:08:42 Caller One of the greatest shows on TV.

1:08:43 Adam Thanks.

1:08:44 Caller Hey, I wanted to talk to the band.

1:08:45 Adam There they are.

1:08:47 Caller I saw you guys last weekend in San Francisco.

1:08:49 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Oh, right on.

1:08:50 Caller Probably one of the greatest shows I've ever been to.

1:08:52 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Thank you very much.

1:08:53 Caller I had a great time.

1:08:54 Caller Hey, I was wondering, are you guys coming through California anymore on the tour?

1:08:59 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Well, this tour just finished in LA., but we hope to be out in the summer again. So of course, we'll be through California again.

1:09:04 Okay, that'd be awesome.

1:09:05 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:09:05 Caller Hey, who was the guitarist with you guys?

1:09:07 Caller I hadn't seen him before.

1:09:09 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce In San Francisco?

1:09:10 Caller Yeah, it wasn't.

1:09:11 Caller No, you had like a fifth member?

1:09:13 Caller Yeah, it was us, Dave Snake Sabo, who played in Skid Row.

1:09:17 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Is that who he is?

1:09:17 Caller Yeah, that guy is awesome, man.

1:09:19 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce The Snake. Yeah, he is awesome.

1:09:20 Caller He's a great guy.

1:09:21 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce He did the tour with us and he did great.

1:09:24 Caller All right.

1:09:24 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Did great.

1:09:25 Caller Well, hey, thanks, Black Guy. You guys rock.

1:09:27 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Thank you.

1:09:27 Adam No problem. You're in San Francisco, Chris?

1:09:29 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:09:30 Adam All right, so yeah, they'll be through there again.

1:09:32 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Yes.

1:09:32 Adam Over the summer. All right. Let's talk to Dave. Dave?

1:09:37 Caller Yeah.

1:09:38 Adam You're 16. What's up?

1:09:41 Caller Like, when I'm having sex with my girlfriend, it usually only takes like five, ten minutes at the most for me to ejaculate.

1:09:50 Adam Yeah.

1:09:50 Caller You're 16.

1:09:51 Caller Yeah.

1:09:52 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:09:53 There you go.

1:09:56 Drew Okay. How long have you been-

1:09:57 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce And-

1:09:58 Caller What's that?

1:09:59 Drew Dave, you understand what the- First of all, when you're 16, a lot of questions come to mind for me, how long you've been going out, and I think what the guys are talking about, that your hardwiring and your brain is not completely all set up, and it's very normal to have that kind of an experience, and to also question it, and feel like you should have a lot more going on. How old is the girl?

1:10:22 Caller She's 15.

1:10:23 Drew Okay. So really, it's not a setup where you should be having sex, and I'm not saying that from a moral standpoint, it's a problem for a 15-year-old girl, and the expectations that you have, you know, it's just not something that normally should occur where you have a marathon.

1:10:39 Adam Hey, Dave, are you talking about 5 to 10 minutes, or you're talking about 2 to 3 minutes?

1:10:44 Caller 5 to 10.

1:10:45 Caller Yeah.

1:10:47 Adam And are you guys having oral sex, too?

1:10:51 Caller No.

1:10:51 Caller Yeah.

1:10:52 Adam Using condoms?

1:10:53 Caller Yeah.

1:10:54 Adam You are?

1:10:55 Caller Always.

1:10:55 Adam All right. He sounds pretty mature.

1:10:58 Drew But the 15-year-old girl is-

1:10:59 Adam All right. How is she with the sex?

1:11:03 Caller She's the one that usually starts it.

1:11:06 Adam Oh, she does?

1:11:07 Caller Yeah.

1:11:07 Adam She initiates it?

1:11:09 Caller Yeah.

1:11:09 Adam Yeah. But hold on. His interpretation of her initiating the sex is that she shouldn't have worn that tight skirt. Dave?

1:11:18 Caller Yeah. All right.

1:11:19 Adam Well, listen-

1:11:19 Drew Does she have any issues from the past? I mean, usually 14, 15-year-old girls-

1:11:24 Adam This ain't 14. She's 15. Listen, you're a good guy, right, Dave? Yeah. Be gentle and why don't you try masturbating like an hour before you have sex?

1:11:34 Caller I got another question too.

1:11:35 Adam Listen, that was not a joke answer. That was a real answer. It's not a novelty answer.

1:11:39 Drew Don't blow Adam off like that.

1:11:40 Adam I mean, what if you did that?

1:11:42 I don't know.

1:11:43 Adam Well, listen, what if you removed a bullet from the chamber so the gun didn't go off so quick? You know what I'm saying? Try that. Make sure and mop up.

1:11:53 Yeah.

1:11:53 Adam You know what I mean?

1:11:54 Drew You know, just from the standpoint...

1:11:56 Adam You don't have to wear the condom for that, Dave.

1:11:58 Drew Seeing kids in a medical clinic talking to them, it's a disaster when they're 14, 15, 16 having sex.

1:12:03 Adam I know, but what are we going to do? Talk them out of it?

1:12:06 Drew Well, I think just talk to them about what's the reality, which is having sex and being that age is a real problem and it affects your future relationships. It makes it tougher. You want to be able to get in and out of a relationship a lot easier. Once you start having sex, it ties you to the other person and you're physiologically really your body is not quite ready for it.

1:12:22 Adam Hey, Dave.

1:12:23 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce So that means you just get hookers.

1:12:25 Adam That's right.

1:12:25 Drew Wow.

1:12:26 Adam Non-English speaking hookers.

1:12:28 Drew Oh, masturbation works for Adam.

1:12:31 Adam Dave, what's your other question?

1:12:33 Yeah.

1:12:35 Caller When after we went out for maybe like three and a half, four months and we had sex for the first time and she was a virgin. And she bled for five days afterwards.

1:12:48 Adam Right.

1:12:49 Caller Every time we have sex, it hurts her. It's not like she's-

1:12:53 Adam Dave, you're not making a great argument for a continual sex with this girl.

1:12:58 Caller Yeah.

1:12:58 Adam I was trying to help you earlier, but okay, once you lay off, give her a little break.

1:13:03 Drew Tomorrow, get on your bicycles and go to the family planning clinic, okay? I mean, do you drive?

1:13:08 Caller Yeah.

1:13:08 Drew Okay. Then take her to get a pelvic exam. Bleeding like that may not-

1:13:13 Adam Five days.

1:13:15 Drew Well, and then every time they have sex, it's just a-

1:13:16 Adam Yeah. Okay. I don't like to hear about bleeding or sex or any of that myself. I'm with you.

1:13:22 Drew Great.

1:13:22 Adam I'm with you. I don't want anyone to hear about it.

1:13:24 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Not in the same sentence anyway.

1:13:25 Adam No.

1:13:25 Drew You want to watch it, you don't want to hear about it.

1:13:26 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Right.

1:13:27 Adam That's right. Turn the sound down. Paul?

1:13:29 Yeah.

1:13:30 Adam You're 15.

1:13:31 Caller Yeah.

1:13:31 Adam What's up?

1:13:33 Caller I have stopped using drugs recently and like kind of sometimes I get high when I don't want to like when I try and concentrate and I think it may have something to do with the meds that I'm on.

1:13:43 Caller What meds are you on?

1:13:45 Caller Adderall and Neurontin.

1:13:47 Drew Okay.

1:13:47 Adam What are those for?

1:13:48 Drew Adderall is amphetamine. It's for ADD. Neurontin is for seizures and for bipolar disorder, it's becoming one of the primary drugs for bipolar disorder.

1:13:58 Adam All right. Try not to make love to the mic. Bruce, don't grab the end of the mic when you're talking. Please. So Paul, maybe that's it. Maybe it's those meds that are doing it, right?

1:14:11 Caller No, because I've read the side effects for it because I was curious and it doesn't have anything to do with that.

1:14:18 Adam Wasn't your first question, is it the meds?

1:14:22 Caller No, I want to know if the drugs react with the meds.

1:14:25 What drugs were you taking?

1:14:26 Adam You're not taking any drugs.

1:14:28 Caller I'm not anymore, but I wanted to know if then they were reacting with it and now it's screwing me up.

1:14:34 Drew Very possibly. What were you taking?

1:14:37 Caller Ecstasy, pot, and acid.

1:14:39 Drew Disaster.

1:14:40 Caller Probably not a good idea.

1:14:41 Drew No. Ecstasy is methylene-dioxymethamphetamine. It's a methamphetamine molecule with some changes in the other end of it. So your brain...

1:14:49 Adam Are you going to explain how to make that, too?

1:14:51 Drew Just go to Adam's house. And it's very dangerous because your Adderall is basically just like methamphetamine on the street, but when you give it to people for attention deficit disorder, it's at a lower level and you're not blasting the dopamine.

1:15:07 Adam Alright, but he's not doing that anymore, right, Paul?

1:15:10 Drew But you're still...

1:15:11 Adam How long have you been off drugs?

1:15:13 Caller About maybe three weeks.

1:15:14 Drew Yeah, and ecstasy can have long-lasting effects.

1:15:17 Adam Well, so give yourself a little time. Don't do any more drugs though, right?

1:15:21 Caller Alright.

1:15:22 Drew Okay, listen, are you really depressed? Are you hearing voices? I mean, is there some radical change that's occurred in the last few weeks?

1:15:28 Caller Well, I mean, sometimes, like, my eyes, like, feel really weird and I can't, like, move my eyes. They, like, feel like they're being pulled up or something.

1:15:35 Drew Okay, you need to... Have you talked to your doctor about it?

1:15:38 Caller Yeah.

1:15:39 Drew You told him you did the ecstasy and the acid and stuff like that?

1:15:41 Caller Yeah.

1:15:42 Drew Okay, well, I think he'd probably just reassure you and continue on, continue you on the Neurontin and Adderall, but it's always good to be honest and open about what you're taking, because it's just, it's just amazing some of the very dangerous and frightening interactions that can occur between prescription drugs and street drugs.

1:16:01 Adam Does everyone have ADD now? Is that what's going on? Well, do you know what I mean? Does everyone need to be jacked up on something?

1:16:07 Drew It's trendy.

1:16:09 Adam I never met a kid. I didn't hang out with any kids in junior high or high school that weren't bored in history or algebra class, who couldn't sit still, who didn't have a little difficulty focusing.

1:16:19 Drew It's not a little difficulty focusing. It's inability to be focused to the point where you can complete a task.

1:16:25 Adam I focus on that mic. Would you either performing oral sex on it?

1:16:30 Drew I didn't take my Adderall today.

1:16:32 Adam Keep that, keep consistent with that thing. We're going to take a break, but I want to talk to Kelly first.

1:16:38 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce We need to check on that Joe guy.

1:16:41 Adam That's right, Joe's Mazerbeck.

1:16:44 Drew Anderson's trying to get to it too.

1:16:45 Adam Thank God that Anthrax is here.

1:16:49 Caller He has such a bad ADD that you can't...

1:16:52 I mean, the second hand going around that clock bothers him.

1:16:56 Adam Oh, that idiot. Wait till Drew gets back in town and give him a good old-fashioned beating.

1:17:01 He'll be glad he's a doctor.

1:17:02 Adam He can fix himself up.

1:17:03 Drew Why doesn't he have you on medication?

1:17:04 Adam He talks smack when I'm out of town. That's why. He said that while I was in Aspen or something last week, right? Didn't he, Anderson? Yes, that's right. Don't think I don't have Anderson in my back pocket. I hear about these things. All right, let me just check back with Joe. He was supposed to be masturbating, right? Joe?

1:17:23 Caller Yeah.

1:17:23 Adam Yeah, we forgot about you. Did you masturbate?

1:17:26 Caller No.

1:17:27 Adam Did you go to your dad's office?

1:17:28 Caller Yeah. Did you? I checked out the porn and I got it up, but nothing happened.

1:17:32 Drew You ain't going to.

1:17:34 Adam Don't you have?

1:17:35 Caller Totally pressure.

1:17:36 Adam Don't you have any magazines or anything?

1:17:38 Caller No.

1:17:39 Adam You don't?

1:17:39 How dare you?

1:17:40 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce You could try painting a face on it and pretending you're having a puppet show.

1:17:43 Caller You couldn't.

1:17:45 Adam You don't. Hey, Joe, why don't you go to your room, shut the lights, close your eyes, and really try to focus?

1:17:51 Caller I tried to do that before I went to sleep and it just didn't work.

1:17:56 Drew Joe, this is an example of how dangerous and powerful marijuana is. You smoked it three weeks ago and you haven't been able to masturbate. That should be very frightening to the young male listeners out there.

1:18:05 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce I know. Masturbation pot, masturbation pot.

1:18:09 Drew This should have been the terms of the drug war. Tell the male populace.

1:18:14 Adam All right, Joe? I want you to try it yourself one more time, all right?

1:18:19 Caller I got another question really quick, too.

1:18:21 Adam Yeah.

1:18:22 Caller Yeah, I'm on Ritalin for ADD.

1:18:25 Adam Good.

1:18:26 Caller What is that Adderall? Is that different than that?

1:18:29 Drew It's different, but it does the same thing. Ritalin is a stimulant and Adderall is a stimulant.

1:18:35 Adam Maybe that's a screwing him up.

1:18:37 Caller You can't focus.

1:18:38 Drew No, it's not screwing him up. The take-home point is you're not taking the doses people take when they abuse it on the street. You're taking a lower dose.

1:18:44 Adam Joe, I want you to really concentrate this time, okay?

1:18:48 Caller I'll try a video this time.

1:18:49 Adam You have videos?

1:18:51 Caller Yeah.

1:18:51 Adam Joe, where do you write? Well, listen, I want you to focus like a ninja on that penis, all right? Is there a penis that would be like a Noon Chuck?

1:18:59 Drew Just go down to local high school and run a mile and then go home and go to bed.

1:19:02 Adam No, Joe?

1:19:03 Caller Yeah.

1:19:04 Adam You're going to put a video in this time?

1:19:05 Caller Yeah.

1:19:06 Adam All right. Now really focus and we'll check back in with you after the break.

1:19:09 Drew I'm going to get your grandmother.

1:19:10 Adam Oh, please. Yeah. Remember when she was in Vietnam? Think about that. All right. I'm sorry Bruce had to bring that up.

1:19:18 Drew Well, he won't be able to get out of his mind.

1:19:19 Caller Hang on. Hang on.

1:19:20 Drew I've sabotaged it. Sorry.

1:19:22 Adam Oh, that reminds me. I've got to take care of business when I get home. Scott and John are both here from Anthrax. We'll hear something off the CD when we come back from the break. We'll also check in with Joe and talk to Kelly who's a binge eater and starting to gain weight and wants to know how to stop eating. We'll talk to her after this.

1:19:44 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Love Line, with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:19:51 Adam You're back. Yep, it's the Loveline. Scott and John are both here from Anthrax. The band that's been around since before you were born, kiddies. That's all right. Still rocking. They still know how to rock.

1:20:27 Drew And you've been around for long before they were born.

1:20:30 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce It's just me and we play, and there's a lot of 15, 16-year-olds in the crowd, and we play some songs. And I'll think about it like, wow, we're playing these songs before these people were born.

1:20:40 Adam That is pretty weird. Well, here's something else. I think we'll take off the Anthrax CD. We'll just take one call and then we'll get back to that. We'll get to, first off, should we check up on Joe? No. Not enough time. We'll give him one more time. All right. But don't let me forget because I'm really tired.

1:20:57 Caller I will. Kelly?

1:20:59 Hi.

1:21:00 Adam You're 21?

1:21:00 Caller Yes, I am.

1:21:01 Adam Doing a little binge eating, are you?

1:21:03 Caller Yeah.

1:21:04 Adam Yeah?

1:21:04 Caller Uh-huh.

1:21:05 Adam Do you throw up when you're done?

1:21:07 Caller No, I don't. I did that to be perfectly honest, twice. And that was over two years ago. I would never do it again. And I'm just, I have the smarts to know. And I listen to the show a lot. So I know what that does to your body. And that freaks me out. But I have no control over what I eat. Like I preoccupies my mind all the time. Yeah. And I always think about it.

1:21:34 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce And what do you eat when you binge?

1:21:37 Caller Well, I'm really good all day long. Like all day long I'll be very healthy and cereal and like a salad or something and fruit and I'm very, I read up a lot on nutrition but then my problem comes like late night. Like right before I go to bed I work a job where I don't come home till late at night. And I'm tired and hungry. And I just let whatever's in the cupboard.

1:22:03 Adam All right. And how much do you weigh?

1:22:06 Caller I'm 150 right now but I'm also very athletic. Like I work out six days a week. And I'm 5'10.

1:22:15 Adam All right. So you work out a lot. You got issues with eating. All women do.

1:22:21 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce 5'10, 150, that's not bad.

1:22:23 Adam That's pretty solid.

1:22:25 Caller You're overweight.

1:22:26 Adam True.

1:22:26 Drew Have you talked to a doctor about it? Have you gone over?

1:22:29 Caller No. I was in therapy for a while and my parents cut off the funding for that.

1:22:34 Adam All right. You work though, right? I want you to spend some of your own money on therapy.

1:22:39 Caller I have to pay for my tuition and my car and my insurance and everything. I stretch pretty thin.

1:22:46 Drew As you said, you listen to the show and you're knowledgeable about it. You realize it just doesn't go away. Also, the knowledge has nothing to do with it. It's like with an addiction, you can know all the things in the world about it. It doesn't have anything to do with the behavior.

1:22:59 Adam But listen, all this stuff is just sort of habitual. I mean, if you stop eating when you come home from work, you do it for a few days, you put a week together, you won't do it.

1:23:10 Drew No. Were you ever on any antidepressant? No. And that's very effective with certain eating disorders. You know, anorexia nervosa is really, really tough to treat, but the type of thing you've got going, you do really well seeing a therapist. So there are free clinics out there.

1:23:27 Adam It doesn't sound like she's that healthy.

1:23:28 Drew No, she sounds really pretty healthy.

1:23:30 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce I eat crap before I go to bed all the time. Three in the morning, I'll be sitting there watching TV, eating whatever. I mean, does that mean I'm a binge eater?

1:23:37 Drew No. We don't know. And this is the Loveline evaluation.

1:23:40 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Well, I don't have a problem with it.

1:23:41 Drew We don't have her full dietary history here, and we can't ask her all the questions we need.

1:23:44 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce I like eating crap before I go to bed.

1:23:45 Caller You weigh 250 pounds now, Scott.

1:23:48 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Yeah. Sorry, guys.

1:23:49 Adam Hey, Kelly. Just listen. You don't sound that far gone.

1:23:53 Caller No, I don't think I am.

1:23:54 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce All right.

1:23:54 Adam Good. Don't make it into a bigger problem than it is. You have discipline, you work, you go to school, you work out all the time. Stop eating when you come home from work. That's all. Try it for a week.

1:24:08 Caller I think part of the problem is the thought process that goes on.

1:24:10 Adam I know. I know. Don't label yourself a loser. Just don't be over dramatic. Just stop eating when you come home. All right. Try that for a week. And then make an appointment. If it doesn't work, call us back. Okay? Then I'll yell stop eating for a week and then call us back the next week. All right.

1:24:25 Caller And I just want to thank you all for doing the show because you, this program was the first to get me to label a lot of my behavior as acting out and to stop it.

1:24:34 Adam Oh, really?

1:24:35 Caller Yeah.

1:24:35 Adam I'm sorry.

1:24:36 Caller You're responsible, Adam.

1:24:38 Caller You're welcome. All right.

1:24:39 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce In fact, In-N-Out Burger on the way home.

1:24:41 Caller That sounds pretty good.

1:24:42 Adam That sounds good, you know. You know, it's amazing. You sit up in first class. They serve you filet mignon with some candied caramelized onions and some baby carrots that have been poached and stuff. But if they would just bring up an In-N-Out Burger, that would be better.

1:24:59 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce It would be better than anything on the plane.

1:25:01 Adam Wouldn't it? I mean, what a thrill it would be to be, you know, 30,000 feet in the air eating an In-N-Out Burger. You feel like king of the world. Meanwhile, the thing would cost them a buck 99, a lot less than whatever the filet mignon was. And if they could just, that's what they ought to do. You know how they do that? They do that like at the ballgames and now and everything, the ballparks. They got the Taco Bell and the Burger Kings. It took them like 150 years to figure out that, hey, if the guys enjoy eating the Colonel's Chicken outside of the ballpark, maybe when they were inside, instead of gnawing on a generic boiled hamburger, maybe they liked themselves a little Carl's Jr. and somebody put the two together and figured it out. Do it on an airplane too.

1:25:44 Drew Don't do it on an airplane. Don't do it at the stadiums. It's ruined the ambiance of baseball. No. It's an LA thing, man. They'll never do it at Yankee Stadium.

1:25:52 Adam Let me say one more thing.

1:25:54 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce What gives you can get Hebrew National Franks at Yankee Stadium?

1:25:56 Caller You can always play in and out before you get on the plane, but it wouldn't taste as good obviously.

1:26:00 Drew He's not the average first-class passing player.

1:26:02 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce You want the students to bring you in and out on that train.

1:26:05 Caller What would you like the students to wear?

1:26:06 Adam I don't want a keister double-double to smuggle it into first-class, like some kind of prison break or something.

1:26:13 Caller Goes off on the...

1:26:14 Adam I just love it. I'd like them to fire up a grill back there. Let me see what's going on.

1:26:18 Drew You're not the typical first-class person.

1:26:20 Adam Let me say something about my first-class. In my program, director always says, don't talk about flying first-class. The kids aren't going to identify with you. Well, let me tell you kids something. You can kiss my ass.

1:26:32 Caller I fly first-class.

1:26:33 Adam God damn it, I deserve it. You should pray one day you fly first-class, too. Give them something to shoot for.

1:26:40 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce That's right.

1:26:40 Drew How many metal workers in first-class?

1:26:42 Adam None of them. Keep the riff-raff in the back of the plane where they belong.

1:26:45 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce And listen.

1:26:46 Drew Why, they threw you back there today.

1:26:47 Adam I don't even want a curtain. I want a door. I want like a vault door between me and the second-class peasants in there. Sawdust on the floor. What are you doing with your hands up? Those hot rags. Shut up. I'm talking here. I take that hot rag, I wipe my beautiful face, my porcelain face, and then I rub it all over, and I throw it right back at that stewardess.

1:27:06 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Wipe my ass with your hot rag.

1:27:09 Adam Let me say a couple of quick things about the first-class experience. I got this one today. First off, first-class is 25 times as much as coach. It really is. First-class round trip to New York, I mean coach round trip to New York is like, you can get a flight, 300 bucks. Round trip to New York, first-class $3200. And people in the back of the plane are complaining. You know what I'm saying? Oh, look at him, he's up there. You shell out an extra three grand, you can come sit up front. All right, wait a minute, something's screwing up on these headphones. Stop moving around. Let me say this. I don't want to get this speech anymore from the stewardess and first-class. They come around and they do this. Listen, we have the chicken, we have the salmon, and we have the steak, but we may be out of some of those. So go ahead and make your decision. Well, I'm like, hey, where's the two grand going? You're out of salmon. You put enough salmon on this plane for me to eat five portions of salmon and five portions of steak at two grand. By the way, if you're out of something I want, I'm paying an extra two grand, I want you to duck like $800. That's what I say. Don't you agree with them?

1:28:19 Caller What are you talking about?

1:28:21 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce I agree. What do you get? I totally agree.

1:28:23 Caller Of course.

1:28:24 Drew Bring a brown bag with you.

1:28:25 Adam Don't give me the speech about you may be out of something. What the hell is that?

1:28:29 Caller Cash flow, cash flow, cash flow.

1:28:31 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Then you get up there and all they have is like Miller Lite and Bud Light and you know.

1:28:34 Adam That's right. I want to drink out of a pewter slipper for that kind of money.

1:28:39 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce I want a tap of Guinness.

1:28:40 Caller You understand?

1:28:41 Adam That's right.

1:28:42 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce All right.

1:28:43 Adam Let's hear an Anthrax song. Can we do that? Yeah. Anderson relax. He doesn't like it. What the hell is going on with these headphones? Stop moving around. I blame you.

1:28:51 Drew Fix my mic.

1:28:52 Adam All right. This is off the CD, Return of the Killer A's and this one is called Bring the Noise. Yep, it is Loveline. Scott and John are both here from Anthrax. Return of the Killer A's is the name of the CD you've been hearing tonight. I suggest you go out and get it if you haven't already.

1:33:05 Caller And there's a DVD home video also.

1:33:08 Adam Oh, there is?

1:33:08 Caller I'm supposed to plug that in.

1:33:09 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce With porn on it.

1:33:10 Caller Yes.

1:33:11 Adam Porn's on it?

1:33:12 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Yeah, there is actually.

1:33:13 Adam All right.

1:33:14 Caller The bathtub scene. Who is that anyway?

1:33:17 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Some friend of Phil put it supposedly. Uh-huh.

1:33:22 Caller So, Joe could rent that video or buy that video, should I say, and masturbate.

1:33:27 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce I don't want Joe and me in any way, shape, or form in the same room while he's masturbating.

1:33:32 Adam Joe?

1:33:33 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:33:34 Adam All right, you're 16. How's it going over there with the masturbation?

1:33:37 Caller It went good. Oh, you did?

1:33:39 Drew What were you thinking about, thinking about Adam?

1:33:41 Caller Oh, I got the Pamela Lee video out.

1:33:44 Adam Oh, you got the Pamela Lee out?

1:33:45 Caller Yeah. All right.

1:33:46 Adam Did it work for you?

1:33:47 Caller Yeah.

1:33:47 Adam I put the sperm on. I want to talk to it. So seriously, you had an orgasm.

1:33:54 Caller Yeah.

1:33:55 Adam Good. You're right back in the game.

1:33:57 Caller Yeah. I got two questions really quick. First of all, Adam, you think you can give me your autograph?

1:34:02 Adam Yes. If it'll help you masturbate, of course.

1:34:05 Caller And a second thing, do you think you can change the crap that they play while you're on commercial on the phone?

1:34:10 Adam No. I can't do that.

1:34:11 Caller It's getting demanding now. Yeah.

1:34:13 Caller I got sick of McGruff telling me how to protect my laptop.

1:34:17 Adam Oh, you're listening to the PSAs?

1:34:21 Caller Yeah.

1:34:22 Adam Yeah. I haven't.

1:34:22 Caller I like how I had to stop forest fires.

1:34:26 Adam Listen, Joe, don't get me going on those godawful PSAs.

1:34:29 Drew We got some porn PSAs coming up.

1:34:31 Adam They drive me insane. Yeah. You heard the national spot feed or something. Where are you calling from? Chicago. All right. Shouldn't you be hearing like some local spot or something in Chicago? I guess we're on hold. Maybe you're hearing what we're hearing. I don't know. Joe? Yeah. I'm not Jesus. I'm not doing any of those things for you. All right. Thank you.

1:34:53 Drew You saved his masturbation life. He should be more grateful.

1:34:55 Caller Yeah.

1:34:55 Adam He should be grateful. He steady wants stuff from me.

1:34:57 Drew Yeah.

1:34:57 Caller He masturbated. He feels confident now. He starts asking for things.

1:35:01 Adam He's cocky. He's full of himself.

1:35:02 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce He's always going to think of us when he masturbates now too.

1:35:04 Caller Oh, boy.

1:35:05 Adam Mark?

1:35:06 Caller Yeah.

1:35:07 Adam You're 21. What's up?

1:35:08 Caller 21. Yeah. I just turned 21 actually a couple of months ago. Yeah. I've been dating this girl about nine, 10 months now. She's not 21. She's only 19. She's real, I don't know how you say insecure, but just real, she doesn't like me going out without her. The whole bar scene is pretty much out of the question to begin with. I go out last Friday to a local club called China Beach. A couple of my buddies are shooting pool and I come back and I knew she'd be mad, but she's more towards the ballistic on that end. She just went off on me. All right.

1:35:55 Adam Listen, we're not that interested, Mark. I got to be honest with you.

1:35:59 Drew I think he's giving her the boot. He's plugging the restaurant.

1:36:01 Caller He dumped that bitch.

1:36:02 Caller There you go. But here's what I'm thinking. What if she's just doing that because she thinks I'm going to cheat on her because she thinks about cheating on me?

1:36:12 Adam Interesting.

1:36:12 Caller Too much thought. You make that connection. Right. You hear where I'm coming from?

1:36:16 Adam That's right.

1:36:18 Caller What do you think about that?

1:36:18 Adam You better cheat before she cheats on you.

1:36:21 Caller There you go.

1:36:22 Caller There should always be one step ahead, right?

1:36:24 Adam It's very important to do that.

1:36:25 Drew Doesn't sound like you're ready for the relationship.

1:36:27 Caller You don't think so?

1:36:28 Caller You're 21. Go to bars.

1:36:30 Adam That's right. You don't want to be getting to all this. I mean, listen, everyone deserves a chance to change. You can talk to her and explain it to her, but if she doesn't get it, then you just move on. You're 21. You're going to bars. You're having a good time. You're meeting people. You just keep that going.

1:36:45 Drew I can imagine. Sure, when they're married, they'll be arguing about it.

1:36:48 Adam Shouldn't she have some fake ID or something? She's 19 years old. Leah?

1:36:53 Yes?

1:36:53 Adam You're 14?

1:36:55 Caller What's up?

1:36:57 Well, today, I stopped on my period. I stopped menstruating. And I put a tampon in last night. And I took it out this morning after I got up from...

1:37:19 Adam Yeah?

1:37:19 Yeah.

1:37:20 Adam Okay.

1:37:21 Uh, no, wait, I didn't take it out. I put it in first.

1:37:26 Drew Go ahead.

1:37:27 I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I'm just really nervous.

1:37:29 Drew Adam has ADD. You better get to the point quick.

1:37:31 Adam You put the tampon in last night.

1:37:34 What?

1:37:35 Adam You put the tampon in last night.

1:37:37 Yeah. And I went to the bathroom and it wasn't there.

1:37:43 Adam Right. Someone had stolen it.

1:37:45 What?

1:37:45 Drew No. Okay.

1:37:47 I heard in my health class that it can get stuck up inside of you, but if it is, I don't know how far it is and I don't know what the symptoms are.

1:37:56 Adam All right. So you think it sort of crept up you or the tampon fairy paid a visit to the house. I just found one under my pillow with a quarter next to it. It was great. I think my mom is drunk.

1:38:08 Caller Oh my God.

1:38:10 Adam Maybe she screwed up. Yeah, I lost a tooth. I got a tampon and a quarter.

1:38:14 Drew Lost is a relative term. It's not going to travel too widely in your body. But they can be there and you not realize it.

1:38:24 Adam Listen, you can get toxic shock syndrome if you stay in there too long, right? Go to the doctor. Come on, Bruce.

1:38:30 Drew I got to tell you that. We had this argument about a year ago.

1:38:33 Adam I know. You looked it up and you were wrong. You better listen this time and learn. I'm starting to sound like a pro wrestler.

1:38:43 Caller It's great.

1:38:44 Adam No, seriously. It was like two or three days or something and you can possibly get this toxic shock here.

1:38:50 Drew You could possibly. You should have it checked out.

1:38:52 Adam Well, do you think you can get at it?

1:38:56 Well, probably, you know, but I don't want to get my fingers dirty.

1:39:00 Drew Okay. Look, go to Family.

1:39:02 Caller What?

1:39:03 Adam Whoa, whoa, whoa.

1:39:04 Caller It was a joke.

1:39:05 Adam All right. Well, go in after it. What do you see? What you can do. And if you can't get it out yourself, then you got to go to a gynecologist and have a they send the dog in and they get it out. It's not a big dog. It's the one they use if they're bred to root foxes out of their out of their dens.

1:39:23 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce It's the Taco Bell dog. Right.

1:39:26 Adam All right. Seriously, try to get it yourself. And if you can't get yourself, you got to go to the doctor because you don't want to get the toxic shock. All right. All right. Listen, if I were a woman, I'd have a leash like they use on a surfboard attached to my tampon. I wouldn't want to take any chances with that baby. I mean, you just put the Velcro thing around your ankle. You have a six foot of surgical tubing that goes up to it, and then like a little roach clip that goes on to the end of the thing.

1:39:52 Drew Yeah.

1:39:53 Adam You know what I'm saying? You got into trouble, you swing the thing around and fling it at somebody or something.

1:39:58 Drew Do you have a lifeline on your condom in case you lose it somewhere?

1:40:02 Adam No.

1:40:02 Drew Have you thought of that?

1:40:03 Adam No, but I have thought of the condom garter. That is the thing. It's like two roach clips and a long piece of elastic goes around your waist and clips on to each end of the condom so it doesn't roll off on the woman. That does happen. Then I started thinking about this garter, and I thought, well, if you're going to have a thing going around your waist, why not a place to hold a beer or a pack of smokes? Why not a little back support? Why not flare it out in the back there for the lower back?

1:40:29 Caller You know, like they wear it at the Home Depot?

1:40:31 Adam You know, the guys that don't throw their back out? And then, you know, what's wrong with a little pocket flashlight hanging off it? And, you know, like I said, place a little holster for the TV remote or the VCR remote. Why not make this into a sort of sexual utility belt? Yeah.

1:40:46 Drew You might need it, but most men with normal size penises don't need that.

1:40:50 Caller Yeah.

1:40:50 Adam I guess when you got the extra large, you run into certain trouble.

1:40:53 Caller That wasn't my point.

1:40:54 Adam That was a very good point, and thank you for bringing it up. We'll take a little break.

1:40:57 Caller We'll be right back.

1:40:59 Caller Let's have some more fun.

1:41:00 Caller Okay, let's do it.

1:41:03 Caller Call Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:41:07 Anthrax W/ Dr. Bruce Loveline, we'll be right back.

1:41:09 Caller Well, here's how it's sample.

1:41:38 Adam All right. Well, that's it. Bruce, wonderful job as usual. All right. Easy on the coffee there, Buckaroo. I want to thank John and Scott from Anthrax. Thank you. Thank you. You guys are good guests, fun guys, and good musicians, and anytime you like to come back, right on, it would be our pleasure. Return of the Killer A's is the name of the CD. Please go out and get it, and if you have it, buy it again. Support the band, and until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Bruce. Say mahalo.

1:42:05 Caller You licked my butt.

1:42:07 Adam Well now.

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Sunday, February 13, 2000