Episode 1000754887791

1:54 Voiceover 50 Seconds Before Loveline Starts.

2:24 20 tiny seconds.

2:33 And we got a 10, 9, 8, 7, 6.

2:44 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

2:55 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

2:57 Voiceover Loveline.

2:59 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew's a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist.

3:12 Drew How you doing?

3:13 Adam I'm good.

3:14 Drew Yeah?

3:14 Adam Yeah.

3:15 Drew Good day on the Man Show?

3:16 Adam Yeah. I was thinking about you today, trying to get some medical evaluation or psychological evaluation, and then I thought- For you? No. You only tell me things I don't want to hear, so I'm not going to talk to you anymore.

3:30 Drew You need something?

3:32 Adam Don't act concerned. You're not that concerned.

3:34 Drew I'm concerned.

3:36 Adam No, no. Let's just do the show.

3:38 Drew Now you're totally freaking me out.

3:40 Adam I know. That's what I love about you, Drew. You're so easy to play. It's amazing. No, I don't need... There's nothing wrong with me.

3:47 Drew By the way, just so you understand, I was telling Lisa, phone screener Lisa, this before the show. She was talking about medicines, how hard it must be to take them if you have knowledge about it. I said, no, no. I'm fluctuating between total abject massive denial and panic. You've just now broken through the denial I normally use when I'm assessing you or dealing with you, and now I'm in panic.

4:05 Adam Abject denial and panic, all out panic, those are your two, those are your two swings. My two modes are napping and masturbating.

4:13 Drew Isn't napping and masturbating the same end of the spectrum?

4:16 Adam Yeah, but I can't do them at the same time. No.

4:19 Drew You're like dookie in the yard napping and masturbating?

4:21 Adam Oh, geez. A guy craps in his yard once in the last three or four days, and all of a sudden he gets a label slapped on it. Please. All right. Well, uh.

4:31 Drew So what's the matter?

4:32 Adam I don't have anything wrong with me physically, but I'm in a situation now where I go to an office for eight hours a day, and when I'm in the office, I just feel like I have an Epstein Bar.

4:41 Drew Oh, yeah.

4:42 Adam I just after three or four hours of sitting in an office, I feel like a plant that hasn't been put out in the sun. And everyone else seems to be fine, and I feel like I'm hung over or. It's a classroom. Yeah. It's like I mean, I start wilting. Yeah. I have to do projects. I have to be on my feet. I have to move around.

5:00 Drew Maybe just go and help the grips and stuff.

5:03 Adam I do. And that's when I get into trouble. But I mean, I mean, I have like attention deficit.

5:08 Drew Yeah.

5:09 Adam Now, I don't get hyperactive. I just start to wind down.

5:13 Drew Yeah.

5:14 Adam I'm, you know, if I sit around for too long, I just start wilting.

5:17 Drew Yeah.

5:17 Adam I'm like a burger that's been put under that heat lamp for too long. It's the mayonnaise starts running. The things start going bad. I'm just not fresh.

5:26 Drew It's the genius again.

5:27 Adam And I start. Yeah, it's a torture genius. That's what it is. I just start getting really tired. I start getting really lethargic.

5:33 Drew Oh, I can see Jimmy just kicking your ass for that.

5:36 Adam Jimmy's doing Ben Stein's money so he's not around to kick my ass. No, it doesn't really show. I mean, I'm moving around and everything, but I just feel like I got a temperature. Then I go home and I take a 20-minute nap and I eat something and I hit the heavy bag and I come here and I feel good.

5:51 Drew Can't you do the heavy bag in the treadmill over there or something?

5:53 Adam I'll try, but I don't think that's going to work. No, that's it.

5:56 Drew Well, at least he can give you something to look forward to in the middle of the day.

5:58 Adam I must have something. I got bad blood. Isn't there such a thing as just what happened to the old medical stuff, you know, where they just go, the guy just has bad blood.

6:08 Drew These call it neurasthenia.

6:09 Adam I have neurasthenia. Andy?

6:13 Oh boy.

6:14 Adam You're 19.

6:16 Caller Yeah, how you doing, guys?

6:17 Adam Good, except for the bad blood.

6:19 Caller Yeah, well, first I'd just like to say, long time listener, first time caller, loved the show. Got a bit of an issue. It hasn't been an issue up until now. I got a testicle about the size near to an orange.

6:35 Drew So it suddenly grew.

6:37 Caller No, it's been close to about four or five years now.

6:41 Drew And why haven't you had that checked out?

6:43 Adam But it hasn't been a prom until yesterday.

6:45 Caller Well, it's not really a physical type of problem as far as anything wrong with my health. It's just that I've been with the girl for a while now, and we're probably going to take it a step further. And I just want to see how I should approach it.

6:58 Drew Wait a minute. Both of them are the size of an orange, or one of them is the size of an orange?

7:03 Caller One of them.

7:03 Drew And why is that not a health problem?

7:06 Caller It hasn't affected me.

7:08 Adam Now, hey, Andy? Yep. Seriously, I'm closing my eyes. I'm picturing an orange. Is it really an orange size, or would it be more like a lime? Thank you, Drew.

7:24 Caller Clementine.

7:26 Drew What the hell does that mean?

7:27 Caller You know what I'm talking about?

7:28 Adam I don't know what part of the country you're calling from.

7:30 Caller Clementine orange.

7:31 Adam No, we only know navel. There's a hundred kinds of apples in one orange. What size is a clementine? Is that like a tangerine?

7:41 Drew Hold that up higher. There you go.

7:42 Adam Is that a tangerine size?

7:45 Drew Yeah, a large, large tangerine. Hey listen, you have your A testy that swells up suddenly. That is a medical problem. It can be cancer, it can be hydrocele, spermatocele.

7:56 Adam Yeah, you gotta go to the doctor.

7:58 Drew Absolutely, absolutely.

8:00 Adam All right.

8:02 Drew And he wants to know how to tell his girlfriend. After you talk to the doctor, then call us.

8:06 Adam James, you're 13. What's up?

8:09 Caller I just wanted to know, Adam, you always like to fart on the show. I think that's, like, hilarious, but, like, have you ever burned yourself or anything?

8:16 Adam Emotionally, I've been burnt lighting a fart.

8:19 Drew Oh, you're talking about fart lighting again? Yeah. You've been burned? I've been scarred.

8:24 Adam Drew's been emotionally scarred. I've been emotionally burnt, but never physically burnt. One time, I blew out the lighter with what I thought was the sort of, you know, the mother of all farts.

8:36 Drew I brought some friends tonight. Don't you want to impress them?

8:39 Adam I can't. I won't do it. I will not do it in, I guess what you call, synthetic materials. I'm scared that's the way they'll find me. You know what I mean?

8:53 Drew Seems like you're appealing to the younger listeners now, too. It's nice.

8:56 Adam Well, let me tell you. I may be 35, but I keep my edge, and I keep my connection with the youngins by lighting gas and other high jinx like that. But James, I only do it in denim, and I wear foil underpants made from the lids of the Jiffy Pop containers.

9:17 Right. What position do you do that in? Because I don't know how to do that.

9:20 Adam Wheelbarrow. Drew holds my feet. All right. I swear I'll throw this mic through that goddamn glass if you give me that again, Anderson. He tries. The guy's like a dog that keeps whizzing on the carpet. No matter how much you beat him. There you go. Listen to me, James. Yeah. You got to get your... You need to remove all obstructions. So you got to get your feet hiked up. If you're in a car, I've done it in a car many a time.

9:49 Yeah, I was talking about that.

9:50 Adam In the back of a car?

9:52 Drew Hey, don't tell James how to light farts in a car, for God's sake. You're going to find James like that.

9:58 Adam All right, James, wait to your 18th birthday, unless you're Jewish, in which case you're 13 and technically a man.

10:07 Caller No, I'm not.

10:08 Adam Okay, well then you got to wait till you're 18. The goyim doesn't turn into a man until 18. Jews are all men at 13. And if you've seen any Bar Mitzvah pictures, you'll know. Big hair, braces. Big schnaz going about four, five, buck, ten. Won't get laid for another 11 years. Gonna get your permit and drive dad's Buick wagon in another three to four years. Oh, but you're all men. Of course you gotta get a ride home and you're going to bed when the streetlights come on. All right, but other than that, oh man. Brian?

10:45 Caller Yeah?

10:46 Adam You're 15. Yeah.

10:48 Caller Okay, well, I'm a long time listener, first time caller, and I love you guys. Dear, your advice is always really good. Okay, what happened was I went to a foreign country over the summer, and I met somebody who lives in America, and we eventually had sex.

11:09 Drew How old is this person?

11:11 Caller She was 16. Okay, what's going on?

11:15 Drew What's going on now?

11:15 Caller And well, we didn't use a condom, and that's probably the biggest mistake I have ever made. And two days after we had sex, I went to go take a pee, and my penis was burning and itching and...

11:31 Drew The penis was or the urethra? The two butt?

11:33 Caller This was, like the tip, and I have foreskin.

11:36 Drew Well, let me ask again.

11:38 Caller What?

11:38 Drew The skin?

11:38 Adam How do you know if your urethra is burning?

11:40 Drew Because it's not your skin that's burning. It's the hole out of which urine is coming.

11:43 Adam But he went to take a pee. Did you put those two together, Quincy? He went to pee.

11:48 Drew Yeah, but he keeps saying, my penis burned.

11:51 Adam Guys don't break their penis into 15 different parts like you do. It's one of those sternal logs.

11:58 Drew It's a sternal log. Okay. Yeah, it's lit. It's just lit and on fire.

12:02 Adam Yeah, you look at it as a rifle. There's the barrel, and there's the stock, and there's a cartridge, and there's a bolt. It ain't that way. It's like a log, just one sternal log. So when the penis hurts, or the penis burns, or the penis itches, the entire penis, one unit. Right, Brian? Yeah. Okay.

12:22 Caller Well, I was worried about it, and I called home, and I got a little advice.

12:28 Drew Wait, who did you call at home?

12:29 Caller My father.

12:31 Drew That must have been a comfortable call.

12:32 Caller Well, I didn't exactly tell him that I had.

12:35 Drew Is your dad a doctor?

12:36 Caller No.

12:36 Adam Ex-military guy.

12:38 Caller But he knew what an infection would be like, and it really had the symptoms of an infection.

12:44 Drew He knew what an infection would be like.

12:46 Caller I used some Neosporin on it, and it went away within three days.

12:50 Drew The skin got better.

12:51 Caller Yeah, and it stopped. It didn't itch. It didn't burn. It wasn't red. It's fine. I got back here in America, and then one time after I had masturbated, about a day after I masturbated, it got red spots, just broke out on the left side of my penis.

13:11 Drew Did it burn?

13:12 Caller No, it didn't burn. It didn't burn. It didn't itch or anything.

13:15 Adam All right. What do you think? Herpes?

13:16 Drew It's sounding like herpes, but maybe not. You've got to get a doctor to look at it when there's an outbreak.

13:22 Caller When there's an outbreak?

13:23 Drew Yeah, it's important. That's the only way you're going to know what that is.

13:26 Caller Is there any place I can go without my parents finding out?

13:29 Drew You're entitled to health care wherever you go that is confidential. The only risk you have of your parents finding out is if you use your insurance and they send a sort of statement back to your house about what was paid from the insurance, something called the EOB.

13:43 Adam Hey, but the part about you calling stateside and saying, hey dad, my dong's on fire. I'm here in Stuttgart, my dong's on fire.

13:53 Drew Put that on loop, please.

13:55 Adam Doesn't, don't you think that's a little bit of a tip off?

13:58 Caller Well, I don't know. Well, since I have foreskin, I thought maybe I wasn't cleaning myself so well.

14:04 Drew Oh, please, come on.

14:05 Caller Seriously. I didn't know.

14:07 Adam All right. But it never happened until two days after you had sex.

14:10 Caller Yeah.

14:11 Drew OK.

14:12 Adam All right. Hey, Brian, if you do get another breakout, just bring your penis over to the free clinic or one of those places that's manned by hostile lesbians.

14:22 Caller Can I go to Planned Parenthood?

14:23 Drew Yeah, they would do it. Most Planned Parenthood. They're all individually sort of run, so most of them will do that.

14:27 Adam But find out where the nearest one is. Find out what their hours are, and then when the breakout occurs...

14:33 Drew Go.

14:34 Adam What do you mean when the breakout occurs?

14:36 Drew Breakouts aren't a few hours, they're a few days usually.

14:38 Adam I know, but doesn't that just mean herpes?

14:41 Drew Yeah, but they're funguses.

14:42 Adam What else just breaks out that way and then goes away?

14:45 Drew Fungus, allergies, psoriasis.

14:47 Adam God knows what they got over there in Germany too.

14:50 Drew She's American. She's American.

14:51 Adam She is?

14:52 Drew Yeah.

14:53 Adam Wow. It's a long, long haul to get laid. He goes to Germany.

14:58 Drew Have you gone to Germany at 15?

15:00 Adam I would have gone to Germany to masturbate at 15. Yeah.

15:07 Drew Yeah.

15:07 Adam Yeah, I would have done it right on that wall. Oh, yeah. That was there when I was 15.

15:12 Drew Yeah, you would have showed them.

15:13 Adam Jason?

15:14 Caller Yeah.

15:15 Adam Put my own graffiti on there. The kind you can only see with a black light. Jason, you're 18.

15:20 Drew You're a cat or something?

15:21 Caller Adam, I hold you in regard with such figures as Christ, Buddha, and Confucius.

15:26 Drew Oh, for crying out loud.

15:26 Adam Thank you.

15:28 Caller You're shown inside. I'd like to try and give something back for a second if I could by giving two quick tips to pleasing a woman.

15:38 Adam All right.

15:39 Caller This I did with the girl with the heart condition, and I gave her 10 orgasms in half an hour.

15:44 Adam Then she died?

15:46 Caller No, I had to keep stopping. It would have been more.

15:47 Drew What kind of heart condition did she have?

15:49 Caller I don't know. She just said she has a heart condition. I have to stop.

15:53 Drew Oh, please. She's faking it.

15:56 Adam I have to stop. You went down on Fred Sanford? What are you saying? Wait a minute.

16:03 Drew Elizabeth.

16:03 Adam Elizabeth. I'm coming. All right. All right. Go ahead. What do you do? What's your technique? And listen, I better not have thought of this.

16:11 Caller All right. This is column 1010321. You just tap on the clitoris like you're dialing a phone.

16:17 Drew Oh, for Christ's sake. Please. All right. What's your other? You mean like you're like 1-800-collect.

16:26 Adam Yeah. Okay.

16:27 Caller Okay. The other one I call the suck and nibble.

16:31 Adam Wait a minute. How's that one go?

16:33 Caller You take the clitoris into your mouth, hold it between your front teeth and your tongue, and you nibble very, very quickly.

16:40 Drew Jason, you're 18.

16:42 Caller Yeah.

16:43 Drew Haven't you got better things to think about?

16:45 Adam Yeah.

16:46 Drew Did you go to school?

16:48 Caller Yeah.

16:48 Adam You did?

16:49 Caller Yeah. I am in school.

16:50 Adam Junior college?

16:52 Caller No. I'm in high school honors program.

16:54 Drew At 18.

16:56 Adam 18? What month are we in? You should have graduated last year. No.

17:00 Caller My birthday is in December. I missed a cutoff for kindergarten by half a month.

17:03 Adam Son of a gun. All right. You're going off to college?

17:06 Caller Yes.

17:07 Adam All right. One is the, what are they? Duck and Roll? Yeah. What are they? One is the, 10-3-2-1. 10-10-3-2-1. The other is the Bite and Nibble.

17:18 Caller Tuck and Nibble.

17:19 Adam Tuck, what?

17:20 Caller Suck and Nibble.

17:21 Adam Suck and Nibble.

17:21 Caller Your mouth first.

17:23 Adam That's right. All right, Jason.

17:28 Caller Yeah.

17:28 Adam You know how to satisfy. You get a woman with a heart condition, you give her 10 orgasms.

17:33 Caller Yeah.

17:33 Adam All right.

17:34 Caller Half an hour.

17:35 Adam All right. Hey, the whole Suck and Nibble part. And I know the tapping thing don't work. Now, I've done the rotary action on a woman. You know? Oh, could you imagine, Drew? The 10, 10, 3, 2, 1. Rob? You're 21.

18:00 Caller What's going on, guys? I just want to say hello to the show.

18:02 Adam Thanks.

18:03 Caller All right. The other day, my girlfriend was flipping through like some Cosmo magazine or something and came across this thing for the male multiple orgasm.

18:11 Adam Right.

18:12 Caller And it described doing like certain exercises or whatever. But I didn't really understand it. I was wondering, Dr. Drew or Adam, you can throw in something here.

18:22 Drew Well, first of all, everything in those magazines is always completely true.

18:25 Caller Oh, absolutely. I totally understand.

18:27 Drew And they are well-respected medical journals. Yeah.

18:31 Adam They're fantastic and they send a very clear and positive message to women. One is like how to move forward in your career. And the next one is like the next one is how to perform oral sex on your boss.

18:43 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

18:45 Adam They're really bizarre mixture between a career advice and just out and out sluttering.

18:50 Drew Yeah. Misogyny.

18:51 Caller Well, anyway, Dr. Drew.

18:52 Adam Only women, by the way, and we've talked about this before, women and gays, they love reading about what to do with their lives. I really don't know a guy who reads anything about what to do with his life, what to do with his abs, what to do with his career. You know what I mean?

19:08 Drew What to do?

19:10 Adam Oh, gay men love to read about what they're going to do.

19:13 Drew What are you talking about?

19:14 Adam Oh, let me give you a good example.

19:16 Drew Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry I took your shoe.

19:19 Adam Vacations. Who reads more, straight guys or gay guys when it comes to making those vacation plans?

19:26 Drew They know a wife to plan it.

19:28 Adam All right. Gay guys love to read about a vacation. Gay guys love to read about how to work out. They love to read about what kind of clothes to wear, what kind of hair, what kind of hair to sport, what's in, what's out, who's sleeping with who, all that stuff. I mean, they're advice-oriented, so women are too. They like to read. I don't know if it's wrong or not. I just, straight guys don't read about what to do with their life or how to do their life.

19:55 Drew Don't celebrate, don't sublimate.

19:57 Adam Yeah, we just figure we know.

19:59 Drew So it's that external stuff.

20:02 Adam Why do you think gay guys are all well dressed and have those rock hard abs? They read about it.

20:10 Drew So maybe I better start reading.

20:11 Adam That's right. Rob?

20:13 Caller Yup.

20:14 Adam Alright, so the multi-orgasm.

20:16 Caller Yes.

20:17 Adam Here's...

20:18 Drew For men. Yeah. So it's like Kegel exercises or something that they advocate?

20:21 Caller Yeah, something like that.

20:23 Drew Yeah, don't bother.

20:24 Caller Don't bother?

20:25 Adam Why do you need more than one?

20:27 Drew And by the way, think of all the weird stuff they have in there for women that doesn't turn out to be anything for anybody.

20:32 Adam Well, what do they say? You can have another orgasm a minute later or you can just continuously have this orgasm?

20:39 Caller An orgasm and not ejaculate and then kind of keep going and just, I don't know. That's why I was calling you guys.

20:48 Adam Yeah. Listen, it doesn't work. Either stuff comes out of your penis or it doesn't.

20:56 Caller Is it kind of unsatisfying if you don't see it shoot all over the place?

21:00 Adam Yeah, that's right. Listen, the only way I can have a multiple orgasm is if the first one lands in a Dixie Cup. Then I just throw the Dixie Cup a minute later and it gives the illusion that I've had two, but that's ridiculous. Although I always proclaim, you know, this time I go for the multi. That's how you know you're getting old. When you're young, you don't make that declaration before sex or before masturbation.

21:29 Drew Yeah, by the way, you're still working on it.

21:30 Adam You know what I mean?

21:31 Drew Yeah, you've been working with that taboo, too, for a while, too.

21:33 Adam Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's what I mean. I mean, when I was 18, I wouldn't say before I masturbated, hey, I'm going for the hat trick, I'm going for three. I'd just take them one at a time, you know?

21:48 Drew As they came.

21:49 Adam I was like a good football coach, you know? When they'd interview them after the game, and they ask them if they're looking ahead to Detroit or Dallas, they'd go, no, we're playing Green Bay this week, and we're going to take it one game at a time. It just, you know, we're going to try to play within ourselves. We'll see you once at more. I always wanted it more. That's why I was a good masturbator. We give it 110 percent. We'll just take each week or each day as it comes. But then as it turns out, I'd squeeze a few more up. Now I announce that I'm going for three or four. I get one. I pull a calf muscle. I limp into the bathroom and that's it. I'm down. Kaelin?

22:30 Drew Yeah.

22:31 Adam You're 18 years old?

22:32 Drew 16.

22:33 Adam 16? Drew, why does this always have to be up like that where I can't read it? Can you read it like that?

22:38 Drew Not really.

22:39 Adam Really?

22:40 Drew Here, let's try it in the middle here.

22:41 Adam Kaelin?

22:42 Drew Yeah.

22:42 Adam All right. What's up?

22:43 Caller How's it going, guys?

22:44 Adam Good.

22:46 Caller I just want to say, Adam, you're like my god, man.

22:49 Adam Wow. All right. That's it.

22:51 Drew Is that it, Kaelin?

22:51 Adam It's official. I'm a god.

22:53 Caller No. You're just hilarious, man. You're like my favorite comedian. Go ahead.

23:01 Adam Go ahead. Thanks.

23:02 Caller I called yesterday about I was getting kicked out of my house.

23:06 Adam That's right. I yelled at you.

23:09 Caller Yeah. Yeah. But I kind of brighter today to try to maybe sit down and talk about it again. Yeah. Yeah. And I did that. And we decided that because I don't get along with my stepdad mostly. So he's going to live in an apartment for a little while. And my mom will visit him like on the weekend sometimes.

23:28 Drew So he's going to leave.

23:29 Caller Yeah.

23:30 Drew Wow.

23:31 Adam What's that?

23:32 Drew That's a switch.

23:33 Adam Yeah.

23:34 Caller Yeah. And I'm going to stay at home. And like I'm going to try to get a job. And stuff like that. I keep myself busy.

23:40 Adam You know, Kaylin called last night. His mom and his stepdad were trying to boot them out of the house, go over to his dad's house. He didn't want to go to his dad's house because his dad was a fisherman.

23:51 Drew Yeah. Not around for a long period of time.

23:53 Adam And police. Fishermen. I've seen the movies. You know what I mean? They're not great guys.

23:58 Drew And is that like a code for something?

24:00 Adam Fishermen? You know, fishermen. That guy's a fisherman. Yeah. I mean, listen, if this was 150 years ago, I'd say fine. But come on. Fishermen now. Fishermen just means a guy who's drunken out in the ocean. That's what that means.

24:15 Drew I've seen those guys in the coffee commercials.

24:17 Adam No, those are actors.

24:18 Drew They're models. No, those are fishermen.

24:21 Adam Actors. Listen, your dad drinks a little, right?

24:24 Caller Yeah, he does, actually.

24:25 Adam You have to drink. They don't let you out in the ocean. Why do you think every second PSA is like, don't get drunk and go water skiing. Don't get drunk and go out in the boat sailing. Don't get drunk, because people, alcoholics, are drawn to the sea. I don't know. I don't know what it is. It must be, you know, I mean, think about that. There's a connection from your, all that rum. Haven't you seen The Pirates of the Caribbean?

24:52 Drew No.

24:53 Adam All those guys were drunk.

24:55 Drew I think it's the-

24:56 Adam They rape, they pillage, and they drink.

24:58 Drew The Viking input, maybe.

25:01 Adam Well, I mean, look at it this way. We've never gone this route, but we really have to examine this. There's certain cultures have a propensity to drink, right?

25:12 Drew That's ethnicity, that's genetics.

25:13 Adam All right, like American Indian and stuff like that.

25:15 Drew They didn't drink when they were in nature, they drank when the white man got here.

25:19 Adam Okay.

25:20 Drew But the point is-

25:22 Adam Listen, I'd like to see all these people be doing if the white man was never born, but it would be some kind of paradise.

25:27 Drew I'm just saying-

25:28 Adam Deer running around and guys chasing butterflies.

25:30 Drew The point is that they- Rainbows, they didn't use substances until the substances arrived. Yeah. Then the gene expressed itself.

25:37 Adam Listen, they were chewing on peyote and chasing. They all thought they were buffaloes. Come on, they're high on peyote. Please, we're lucky we gave them some booze. They were out there chewing cactus. Okay, but let me explain something. Many, many years ago, all the drunk guys took to the sea. Because the sober guys were like, are you nuts? I'm not going out there. And they didn't have fiberglass or aluminum back there. These guys were just reeds, lashed together with some twine. And they're gonna go from one island to the next? You've gotta be drunk.

26:10 Drew Contiki.

26:11 Adam Yeah, get out of here, you boozer. I'm not going out there. There's 18 foot swells. You're crazy. I'll stay here on the land and bang your wife while you go out there and get humped by a whale.

26:23 Drew You know what?

26:23 Adam So, of course, all the drunken guys hit the ocean.

26:27 Drew Alcoholics tend to go towards thrill.

26:29 Adam That's right. They didn't have bungee jumping back then. You had to just go out in the ocean.

26:35 Drew They had whaling and things.

26:36 Adam That's right. So they packed like a day's worth of food and a year's worth of booze and they headed out.

26:43 Drew Salt.

26:44 Adam That's right. That's probably where the margarita came from, the Mexican sailors. They had nothing but tequila and salt after day number three.

26:52 Drew And lime.

26:52 Adam And lime for scurvy. I could really explain a lot of things if I had some more time. All right.

27:00 Drew All right. Let's go.

27:01 Adam All right. We'll take ourselves a break. When we come back we'll speak to John Jonas 34. He can't get his 19-year-old girlfriend to have an orgasm, even orally. I'll explain the 10-10-3-2-1 and the Suck a Nibble technique I've pioneered many years ago after this. Hey, hey, hey, there's a loveline of Adam Corolla, is Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1, and we'll hop back on the phones. We'll speak to John, who's 34. John?

28:07 Drew John?

28:08 Adam John. Hello.

28:10 Sorry, there's a little bit of noise. I didn't know you clicked me on.

28:12 Adam All right, you have a 19-year-old girlfriend.

28:15 Yeah.

28:16 Adam You cannot give her an orgasm.

28:18 No.

28:19 Adam And even orally.

28:21 Even orally. You know, it's kind of strange, too, because I've had a number of girlfriends throughout the years. And there have been times where some of my girlfriends have had five, six, even up to seven. And, you know, as far as me, I can go for... Average sex time is anywhere from 30 minutes to about an hour of solid, nonstop sex. Yeah. And I don't know what it is. I think perhaps she's had one guy before me, and she's not into masturbation whatsoever from what she tells me. And I don't think she's really trying hard enough or using...

29:03 Adam All right. Well, hold on a second. Let me explain something about women. At 19, they're like a... They're a little green. They're like some kind of fruit that's not ripened yet. You pluck it off the vine, and you want to know why...

29:18 Drew Why it's not sweet.

29:19 Adam Why it's not sweet and why it's not ready. They're not ready. I mean, they may physically look ready. But I've never met a woman at 19 that wasn't much further along at 29 sexually. And as a matter of fact, if you talk to a lot of women, they'll tell you, oh, they may have had sex and boyfriends and all that, but they'll tell you between 19 and 25 and between 25 and 30, just totally different, like a different person. And that's what you get for going out with a 19-year-old.

29:50 Drew Yeah, what did you do with a 19-year-old, Drew, you're 34.

29:53 Caller I knew I was going to get that from you.

29:55 Adam Yeah, well.

29:56 Caller It worked out that way. You know, when you get to know somebody at first, you're like, oh, you know, she's 19 years old. You don't even think about going out with her. You don't think about dating somebody that...

30:06 Adam Of course. Is she good-looking?

30:08 Caller Of course.

30:09 Adam Listen, you think about going out with your mom when she was good-looking. What are you talking about? You met her, you hung out. You didn't even think about going out with her. What are you hanging out with a 19-year-old for? I don't even know any 19-year-olds.

30:21 Caller I'm sorry for you.

30:22 Adam Well, I mean, seriously, don't hand us that line of crap. You met this good-looking 19-year-old, you guys just hung out for a while, and then a couple of months later, you thought about dating her?

30:31 Drew You didn't think she would respond to you if you made it over to her, you were too old.

30:35 Caller Not even that. I got to know her for about a year, and we worked together. And after a while, we just got to know each other real well, and then we just went out, and things led to one another.

30:48 Drew You work in a restaurant?

30:50 Caller No, I'd rather not get into all that, but we do work together, and after a while, it really worked out, and we were going out for a while.

31:00 Drew Wait a minute, when did you start dating her? When she was 17?

31:02 Caller Pardon me?

31:03 Drew How old was she when you started dating her?

31:06 Caller Oh, she is, it was about four or five months ago, she was 18 and a half, so she just turned 19.

31:12 Drew So you started hanging out with her when she was 17?

31:15 Caller No.

31:15 Drew You said you hung out for about a year.

31:17 Adam You said you hung out for a year.

31:18 Caller I've known her for a year, and yes, she was 17. It really didn't cross my mind, I'm not some creep like that.

31:25 Adam All right. Listen, let me explain something, John. At the age of 33, 32, 33, 34, you shouldn't be conversing with 17, 18-year-olds. There's nothing to talk about. You understand? I don't care if it's at Beethoven. There's nothing to talk about. I mean, who am I thinking of? Mozart. Yeah. I don't care if they're geniuses at 17. You shouldn't even be talking to them. All right. But anyway, she can't have an orgasm. She can't do it orally. She can't do it physically. You think it's her fault?

32:02 Caller No. No, no, no.

32:03 Adam You said she wasn't trying hard enough.

32:05 Caller No, I don't think she's grown enough.

32:09 Adam Yeah. Okay. She's 19. All right, John. Good. Good. I hope she never has an orgasm. Listen, there's nothing we can do.

32:18 Caller She wants to. She really wants to and it's, you know, and.

32:21 Adam All right. Well, then listen.

32:23 Caller First of all, I respect both of you a lot.

32:26 Adam Oh, man. I hate it when people are being mean to her. Nice.

32:29 Caller I'm being upfront with you guys.

32:31 Adam All right. All right. Well, just listen. Go ahead.

32:34 Drew Here's the deal. She needs to sort of be more comfortable exploring her own physiology and then your relationship needs to sort of develop into more real place. She needs a greater degree of intimacy, safety, and security in the relationship. And I think she's sort of acting out some sort of fantasy with you. I'm a 19 year old, a 35 year old. She probably has some things are troubling her about that, I bet. And she needs to get through that.

32:58 Adam Andy.

32:59 Caller Yeah?

32:59 Adam You're 17.

33:00 Caller Yeah. What's up?

33:02 Caller All right.

33:04 Caller My new girlfriend, we've grown out a couple of weeks and we've decided to have intercourse and I don't know, we tried it and the first time it didn't work out, I couldn't enter her.

33:23 Drew Was she having pain?

33:25 Caller Excuse me?

33:25 Drew Was she having any pain?

33:27 Caller I couldn't enter her sexually.

33:30 Drew Andy?

33:30 Caller Yeah?

33:31 Drew Was she having any pain?

33:34 Caller Yeah, her and I were both. I mean it was like the size of a quarter and I don't know.

33:40 Adam I could make that. I could ring that like a dinner bell.

33:44 Caller I don't have a large penis.

33:45 Caller I know that.

33:46 Caller That's a fact.

33:47 Adam All right.

33:48 Caller Low average. But I've had sex before and it has never happened like that. Well, somewhere that if a girl is not aroused, she is very tense and.

34:00 Drew Right. That is true. But also if she's nervous, she'll get a spasm of the. Well, as far as you know.

34:07 Caller She told me like a lot and I kept asking her, are you okay?

34:10 Are you hit?

34:11 Adam All right.

34:11 Drew Therefore she is.

34:13 Adam Yeah.

34:13 Drew Are you hit? You're all right? You're all right? Yeah.

34:15 Adam I bet 45% of people said they're all right before they died.

34:20 Drew Yeah.

34:22 Adam I really do. I believe there's guys who have been out in the battlefield that took some shrapnel in the chest, and some guy went, Chuck, are you okay? Yeah. I'll make it. Probably died within five minutes. I really do believe it. I'd say at least 25% of people claim they're okay before they died.

34:42 Drew She's not okay.

34:44 Adam Natural instinct.

34:45 Drew We didn't figure out how old she was either.

34:46 Adam No, but the point is she's uncomfortable with this. She's not ready for this.

34:51 Drew Not with him. Not now.

34:53 Adam More foreplay, relax.

34:56 Drew More relationship.

34:57 Adam See what happens. Right. Move a little slower. Yeah. If women are tense and dry, it ain't happening. Let me tell you. It ain't happening. You've had some experience with that? Yeah. I mean, it's not going to work, you know? I mean, I've gotten running starts. I've launched myself off the foot of the bed. You know, penis first, of course, and with the back arched. Yeah. Yeah.

35:22 Drew Like cartoon.

35:23 Adam Yeah. Like when guys do that, they climb up to like the top of half dome or something with the parachute. You know, they do that freefall and they jump. You know, that kind of arch back like that. Penis first. No. Even then couldn't get in. Wade? Yeah. You're 22.

35:45 Caller What's going on, Adam?

35:46 Adam Hey, nothing there.

35:48 Caller Hey, I really appreciate you and Drew for what you do for all of us, I guess, sexually stimulated people.

35:55 Adam Thank you. Yes. It's ask-kiss night, which I enjoy, by the way.

35:59 Drew What's going on, Wade?

36:00 Adam Every night should be ask-kiss night.

36:02 Caller Well, I've been going out with my girlfriend for nine months. We kind of started having sex after four days. I got out of a three-year relationship before her. It kind of ended kind of sourly, abruptly kind of a thing. And I was having sex with the previous girl just off and on. But ever since I had this new girlfriend, we've been having it like every day, probably four or five times a day. And I went to a counselor and everything for some personal problems that was going on with me.

36:39 Drew Like what?

36:40 Caller Well, I have ADD. And I was just going to him for counseling because I was on Ritalin.

36:46 Drew You're going for medication? You're going for medication?

36:50 Caller For medication, I was taking Ritalin and Dexadrine.

36:52 Drew You were going to a doctor for medication?

36:54 Caller Yeah, like a psychiatrist kind of a thing.

36:56 Drew Okay, not for counseling, for medication.

36:58 Caller Yeah, and I also did some counseling and stuff. And then we got, and I told him, I said, you know, I think I have a problem with sex and stuff. And so we got talking into this, and it's kind of a family counselor, so he kind of knows a little bit about the family. And we kind of came to the conclusion that I'm addicted to sex. And so I told my girlfriend, I said, you know, I think I am addicted to sex. I think I don't know what we should do. So me and her came to the conclusion that we should slow down. And we went a month without having sex. And I was just like going crazy.

37:35 Adam A month?

37:36 Caller Huh?

37:37 Adam A month is a, you know, you're 150 sexual encounters in the hole in a month, pardon the pun. I mean, why do you go from five times a day to no sex for a month? Why don't you just go?

37:50 Caller Well, we wanted to see how I would react, how everything would go. And it went really, really rough. So we decided that we'd go once a week.

37:58 Adam Okay. So what's the question?

37:59 Caller Well, I want to know, this is probably for Drew mostly. But is there any form of counseling or anything that I could take to try and get this under control? Because I really don't want to lose it.

38:11 Drew Yeah. It doesn't actually sound like you're addicted. It sounds more like you're sexual compulsive.

38:14 Adam No, if he's addicted, he wouldn't be able to stop for a month.

38:17 Drew Well, possible but unlikely.

38:19 Adam Five times a day to a month.

38:21 Drew It'd be difficult as an addict. And not being addicted to anything else, which you didn't mention. I usually don't see that by itself. But listen, the National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, NCSAC, has got a website. It is referenced in sites we like at drdrew.com. Check it out. It will link to that for you. And they then have lots of resources available to you. There's a ton of people with this problem.

38:45 Adam And we could only pair them up. They could just hump happily away.

38:51 Adam I know we gotta go to break. You sound like you're on the toilet with that one, Drew. Candy?

38:58 Caller Yeah?

38:58 Adam You're 16?

38:59 Caller Yeah.

39:00 Adam You wanna know how to talk to guys?

39:02 Caller Yeah.

39:02 Adam You having trouble meeting guys?

39:04 Caller Yep.

39:04 Adam You haven't had any dates? No.

39:07 Caller Yeah.

39:09 Adam Yes?

39:09 Caller Yeah.

39:10 Adam No?

39:10 Caller Yeah, I'm having trouble.

39:11 Adam Okay.

39:12 Caller What's my dad doing in Montreal?

39:14 Drew Yeah.

39:14 Adam Okay. And yeah, Burns and Shriver, 1999 or 2000. Candy?

39:22 Caller Yeah.

39:22 Adam I'm gonna tell you how to talk to guys, all right? You ladies gotta use body language, you hear me?

39:28 Caller Okay.

39:29 Adam All right. Hold on. We'll go to break.

39:30 Caller All right.

39:31 Adam Is there one guy you're interested in talking to?

39:33 Caller Sort of, yeah.

39:34 Adam All right. What's his name? Kurt?

39:36 Caller No, his name is Bob.

39:38 Adam No. No, I'm thinking of Kurt. All right. Well, we'll work this out because there's some confusion.

39:43 Caller Okay.

39:44 Adam All right. Hold on. We'll come back. I'll explain to Candy what men want after this.

39:52 Drew LeBanah Pearl and Dr. Drew will be right back before you know it.

40:24 Adam It's a love line of Adam Corolla's Dr. Drew phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Oh, man. I did NPR today. Oh, yeah.

40:35 Drew I've done those. Public radio. They get at you a little bit, huh?

40:38 Adam Well, of course. Do the man show.

40:40 Drew Oh, yeah.

40:41 Adam Those high brown guys over there. They got on NPR.

40:45 Drew They got on my case. They got on my case.

40:47 Adam Well, then think about who's listening to national public radio. A bunch of chicks who don't shave their underarms, you know?

40:53 Drew I love NPR, by the way.

40:54 Adam Yeah, I do too. But, you know, I don't know.

41:00 Drew By the way, every night you come in here-

41:01 Adam There's a little snobetry going on there.

41:03 Drew Speaking of snobetry, every night now there's a label on your clothes.

41:06 Adam What are you talking about?

41:07 Drew That.

41:08 Adam I've been wearing this shirt for four days.

41:10 Drew No, you wore the vest.

41:11 Adam Well, you couldn't see this shirt because it was under the vest.

41:14 Drew Well, it's Abercrombie wear. That's bizarre.

41:16 Adam Well, listen, my stepmom went out shopping for Christmas. Bought me a few items.

41:23 Drew Wow.

41:24 Adam Nothing wrong with that.

41:25 Drew Well, at least your stepmom's sort of stepping up. Well. Kissing your ass.

41:29 Adam Listen, everyone should kiss my ass.

41:31 Drew No doubt.

41:32 Adam Please. Oh, my God. Would you shut up, Drew, with your labels on clothes, for Christ's sake, when I'm talking? I did this NPR and it was like, they're talking about male voices in the media and misogyny, and everyone's reading way too much into the man show. It's a funny show. That's about it. Uh-oh, it's like Justine from Seattle on hold. Justine gets on the phone and it's like, I just want you to know that I've watched this man show and it's disgusting and you think rape is good, don't you? And you're not gonna sleep until I have two daughters and you're not gonna sleep until they're raped and you know, when I get that, I just go with it. That's right. I wanna live in a society based on rape. I'd like rape to be used as a currency. Rape will be a greeting now. Well, instead of shaking hands, we'll rape.

42:30 Drew What was that month?

42:31 Adam And you know the thing that's funny is the NPR guys are so politically correct. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. He doesn't mean that.

42:38 Drew You are out of order.

42:39 Adam And I'm going, oh yes, yes, rape, rape and more rape.

42:42 Drew I thought you would go that route or go, honey, what is up with you?

42:45 Adam Oh, well, listen, 30 seconds into her diatribe, she starts crying and I was raped and you know, and it's like, I, I said, listen, I have, I watched Mikhail's Navy in Mash growing up. Okay. I didn't enlist in the Navy. I didn't become a medical doctor in the, in the army. You know what I'm saying? I watched a lot of stuff. I watched Speed Racer. I was mainly watched Speed Racer and Kimba, Kimba the White Line.

43:18 Drew Kimba's coming back.

43:19 Adam Well, here's my point. I watched, all I did was watch TV. I didn't become anything.

43:24 Drew That's for sure.

43:25 Adam There's no TV show about a guy does a crappy radio show. You know what I'm saying?

43:30 Drew Yeah.

43:31 Adam And there was no TV show I ever watched. It was about construction or carpentry. So I magically got into the two things, the only two things I didn't watch on TV. How? Because I'm not an idiot. I mean, I can even at the tender age of nine, I can make out the difference between fantasy and reality and what's on TV.

43:54 Drew So do you concede though that at risk people or youth or suede?

43:59 Adam No. Listen, there's a certain percentage, there's a certain percent of society that's always going to act out, and whether they have books to coax them or TV or photographs or whatever it is, they're going to do it. They're going to do something.

44:14 Drew By the way, I was sitting at the left turn light tonight, waiting to get in here. One of the three or four left turn lights I needed to sit at to get in here. Yeah. In Culver City's finest, your buddies flashed their lights at me, your guys.

44:26 Adam Did they know it was you?

44:26 Drew Yeah. They're sort of a greeting.

44:28 Adam Oh, that's nice.

44:29 Drew Picking my nose at the guy. That's nice.

44:30 Adam I got stopped for jaywalking yesterday.

44:33 Drew Did you get a ticket?

44:35 Adam No. The guy gave me a lecture, but here's what I want to say and then we're going right back on the phones. Listen, I wish you could say this to cops, but you can't say it to them, but I really wish you could say it to them. You know when they're giving you that talk? You know, they pull you over or they stop you on the street and they're giving you that talk and it's that point where they could write you a ticket or not. Right. And they start that talk and they go, Les, you know where I pulled you over. You know, last week at this very same intersection, let me guess, someone made it through safely? No. No. We had a young retarded kid was killed on a big wheel, crossing this intersection. A guy like you about your age came right through here. You know, they give you that talk. And I always want to stop, and here's what I want to do. I want to stop in the middle of that talk and I want to say, listen, I don't want to be disrespectful. But I don't want the talk and the goddamn ticket. Now if you're going to give me the ticket, if you're not going to give me the ticket for the warning, I'm going in ass kiss mode. You're right, oh my god, retarded boy killed, that's horrible. I'd like to contribute to some fun if that's possible. You're right, officer. I don't want to go in the ass kiss and ticket mode. Because then I'm raped. It's one thing to have the ticket, but it's another thing to get the ticket and the rape on top of it, speaking of rape. So I want to raise my hand halfway into the speech where I'm kissing ass and I'm all ears, because I don't like doing that with people. And my thing was, I want to cut the guy off and go, if I'm going to get the ticket, write me the ticket. If I'm not, I'm going to kiss a lot of ass, but I'm not going to kiss ass and get the ticket, because I know I'm going to feel really pissed off. So I was crossing the street after the auto show, and the comp was on the other side, was Downtown LA. At Downtown LA does nothing but write tickets for jaywalking. That's all they do. It's just one big carnival out there, just one big money raising campaign. So the guy starts, now I cross the street with my buddy, and I get to the island in the center, and there's the blue line tracks there. And the guy yells at us while we're on the center island, keep coming, keep coming, you're getting a ticket. And I said, no, it's too dangerous. I figure, kiss my ass. I'm walking up to the signal. I can't cross those tracks. It's too dangerous, you know. Of course, it's not nothing. No one's coming. No, no, come here. You're getting a ticket. He's going to write me a jaywalking ticket for crossing the tracks that I haven't crossed yet because I'm on the island in the center. So I said, no, it's too dangerous. And he said, all right. I said, listen, I'll go down to the light and then I'll come over. And he said, all right, you're getting a ticket. And I yelled, start riding. Because I don't want to get there and then have to endure the... Let me walk past you and hand me the chicken ass ticket and I'll keep moving. I don't want to have to sit there and discuss it with you. And by the way, there should be a god damn rule about that. I either want the lecture or the ticket. I don't want both.

47:38 Drew Did you get the lecture?

47:39 Adam I got the lecture.

47:40 Drew Did you get the ticket?

47:41 Adam No, thank God. And I love when they tell you that unreasonable amount that it was going to cost you. How much you think the ticket... How much you think this ticket would cost, the guy says? 50 bucks. Try 400. Oh, shut up. It's not 400. I could kill you. It wouldn't cost me $400. You idiot.

48:05 Drew I want our friends to come in from Culver City.

48:07 Adam Oh, they don't write jaywalking tickets here in Culver City.

48:10 Drew I just want to hear what they got to say about all this.

48:13 Adam Okay, but they would listen. God strike me dead. I swear to Christ. No lecture and ticket. No lecture and ticket. Either ticket or lecture. And let them know at the beginning so they can know either to tell you to shut up or stop listening or kiss ass.

48:31 Drew Adam, Adam, you remember that fatigue you were experiencing while sitting in the office?

48:36 Adam Right.

48:36 Drew Yeah.

48:37 Adam I'm all fired up now. Yeah.

48:41 Drew Maybe it's sort of another version of that same energy.

48:44 Adam All right, we got to take a little break.

48:45 Drew No, we didn't do any calls.

48:47 Adam Drew's got to cool down.

48:48 Drew Oh, my God.

48:49 Adam We got a break.

48:50 Drew Adam, you got a lecture from the program director.

48:53 Adam Drew, you got to cool down.

48:54 Drew What did the program director tell you? Cool down. Just tell me what he said.

48:57 Adam He said, tell Drew to cool down. We got to take more calls.

49:00 Drew Yeah, okay.

49:01 Adam You're out of control. All right, we'll be back. Yep, it's Loveline. All right, Drew has calmed down now. We can move on with the show. I'll take a quick 10 second timeout. We'll be back with more of your calls in just 10 seconds.

50:05 Adam Yeah, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. This is Dr. Drew. And phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Let's get right back to the calls. Candy?

50:15 Caller Yep, I'm here.

50:16 Adam You're 16. Your name's Candy, and you're having trouble meeting guys.

50:19 Caller Yeah.

50:19 Adam You've never had a date?

50:21 Caller Well, I've had a boyfriend once, but it didn't really go well.

50:24 Adam How long did you have him for?

50:26 Caller Like, not really three months. It's like two months and a half.

50:32 Drew So it's not so much about having relationships, it's about meeting guys?

50:36 Caller Yeah. Okay, like, here's the thing. Like, when I'm with friends, and there's guys around, everything's cool, you know? Right. I mean, when the girls leave, and I'm there with the guys, and I'm just like, I just shut down, you know? I just like...

50:50 Adam Have you ever made out with a guy?

50:53 Caller Not really. Well, no.

50:56 Adam No?

50:56 Caller No.

50:57 Drew You afraid of guys for some reason?

50:59 Caller I'm just shy, I guess. I just need a few tips.

51:02 Drew What makes you, well...

51:04 Adam Wait a minute. You had this boyfriend for two and a half months.

51:06 Caller Yeah.

51:07 Adam Did you guys ever kiss?

51:09 Caller Yeah, but it's not like we, like, did anything, like, big or anything.

51:13 Adam Did you kiss with your tongues?

51:15 Caller Yeah.

51:15 Caller Ooh.

51:16 Drew That's big enough.

51:17 Adam Yeah, I would have considered that a small coup.

51:19 Drew That's 16.

51:20 Caller Woof.

51:20 Adam Yeah. Making out. Second base, right? Is that second base?

51:25 Caller Yeah.

51:26 Adam What base is that now?

51:27 Caller I'm not sure.

51:28 Drew It's standing alone.

51:29 Adam Okay. So you made out, but you never got any further than that.

51:34 Caller No.

51:34 Adam All right. He didn't try to do anything more.

51:37 Caller Well, he sort of tried to touch my ass, but I was like, no way.

51:41 Adam He could have been going for your wallet. All right. You know what? Listen, Candy.

51:47 Caller Yeah.

51:48 Adam Here's the deal. You're a little bit of a late bloomer. That's good.

51:53 Drew Yes.

51:54 Adam You listen to this show, right?

51:56 Caller Yeah.

51:56 Adam You hear about all these screwball 13 and 14-year-olds that are getting passed around like a joint at a fog hat concert, right?

52:05 Caller Oh, yeah.

52:06 Adam It's a timely reference for the 16-year-olds.

52:08 Drew The Doobie Brothers.

52:09 Adam The Doobie Brothers concert. I mean, they got 100,000 miles on them before their 16th birthday. And they got all kinds of problems and diseases, and that ain't you. And that's good. Yeah. It's a little awkward, and it's an awkward time of life. No. I know this doesn't sound like much of an answer just to say, ride it out, but you just ride it out. Don't put any pressure on yourself.

52:34 Drew One thing you can do is put yourself in those situations where you're alone with guys and you sort of learn how to handle yourself.

52:40 Adam And get drunk.

52:41 Drew Make sure you're not in any place where somebody can take advantage of you. Make sure it's a public place or other friends around. And tell the guy, I'm uncomfortable. I don't know what to say. I'm not good around guys. And he'll like that. It's not like, this, by the way, advice is the opposite if you're a 16 year old male.

52:56 Adam Right.

52:56 Drew If you're a 16 year old male, you seem vulnerable and needy. You're done.

53:01 Adam Right.

53:01 Drew But a 16 year old female who exposes that is, it's interesting. That's why they don't want to expose that, because they don't like that in guys.

53:07 Adam Right.

53:08 Drew So they don't want to expose that in themselves.

53:09 Adam Right. They would assume, you assume what it is, what you don't like other people aren't going to like.

53:14 Drew Right.

53:15 Adam And for the most part, you're right. I mean, you don't like, you don't like body odor and you don't like liver. And for the most part, you're right with other people. But women, it's not that way. I know you hate a man who's weak and vulnerable and sensitive. And you can be weak, vulnerable and sensitive, guys like that.

53:33 Drew Yeah.

53:34 Adam Because to me, it's like asking a buzzard, what do you like, a carcass or gazelle running at full sprint? It's like, take the carcass, come on. I can land on that, take a crap, hang out for a little bit, you know, eat, go get something to drink, then come back, carcass will still be there.

53:50 Drew No pressure.

53:51 Adam Hump it. You think vultures hump the carcass too or do they just eat it?

53:55 Drew Yeah. Vultures are not as weird as humans.

53:59 Adam I think there's some humping going on. Ryan? No doubt.

54:01 Caller Yeah.

54:02 Adam You're 30.

54:03 Caller Hey, how you doing, Adam?

54:04 Adam Good.

54:05 Caller Hey, I was listening to the show all last week and how the women were calling and trying to let you know why they thought you were sexy.

54:14 Adam That's right.

54:15 Caller Well, you know, I mean, you're not a bad looking guy, but I think they're missing it. I mean, you know, you're a public guy.

54:23 Adam That's right.

54:24 Caller You and Drew, you got that nice talk show going.

54:26 Drew All right, Ryan, what's going on?

54:27 Adam I'm getting hot.

54:28 Drew Why are you calling?

54:29 Caller What it is, I was going to tell Adam why women think he's sexy.

54:33 Drew All right, get right to it.

54:34 Adam Yeah, well, we never did get to the bottom of it, and I think the conclusion was they don't.

54:38 Drew You hold still.

54:39 Adam I hold still while they talk, I think, is what we came away with last week. Go ahead there, Ryan.

54:44 Caller Well, what I think it is, brother, is it's the money that you're making.

54:48 Adam Who are you, Hulk Hogan, by the way?

54:50 Caller No.

54:50 Adam Listen, brother, yeah, it's the money.

54:53 Caller It's the money.

54:54 Adam Right, yeah.

54:56 Drew Or actually, the assumed money.

54:58 Caller Well, it's got to be money.

54:59 Adam Figure a guy with eight jobs and four TV shows must be making some good coin. Meanwhile, a local weatherman in Muncie make more than I make. Oh, it makes me sick. One day I'm going to come.

55:11 Drew Don't go there. Don't go there. Stop. Deep breath. Deep cleansing breath.

55:16 Adam I'm going to one day come in here with a list of local morning radio show personalities that make more in their one local goddamn radio show than I make in two TV shows in a national radio show.

55:31 Drew Speaking to her in a book.

55:34 Adam All right. That's all right. My dear, will come my pretty. When I say my pretty, I'm talking to me.

55:40 Drew Yeah.

55:41 Adam Okay.

55:42 Drew That's what we're talking about.

55:42 Adam Now, listen to me guys. Women, and I'm not talking about me. Women are not attracted to money. Women are attracted to men who make money because men who make money are doing their thing. It's the money is secondary. Sure, they like a sports car and they like a mansion, and I would never deny that. But, you guys that sit around and talk about this guy's got money so he's got chicks, you're all wrong. This guy has money so he has chicks, but it's because he has his own record company. It's because he is an entrepreneur. It's because he's doing what he wants to do. He's living his life. He has no boss. He's not working for the man. He's not getting chewed out down in the kitchenette by the water cooler. He's doing his own thing. That's what women like. And the money is secondary. Absolutely. And that's why they're attracted to fame. It's like, hey, he's doing what he wants to do. It's not the money part of fame.

56:42 Drew You don't think it has some alpha male?

56:45 Adam It's that too, but it's not the money. Go ahead, Liz.

56:49 Hello?

56:50 Adam What's up?

56:51 Hi, I'm 19 and I'm afraid of the dark.

56:56 Drew That's it? That's your only symptom?

56:59 I'm terrified. I have to have a light on at all times. I don't know why. I don't know where it came from.

57:04 Drew Nothing happened to you in the dark?

57:06 No, not that I know of.

57:08 Drew And do you have panic or anxiety in any other time of the day or any other experiences?

57:12 Yeah, once in a while, just like out of the blue, it's really hard for me to breathe.

57:18 Drew So you have panic attacks.

57:19 Right, yeah. But why is it when it's dark, I can't breathe all of a sudden?

57:25 Drew Well, panic attack, to some extent, and I'm sort of giving an opinion now, is a learned behavior. In other words, it tends to be triggered by certain environmental cues. And it's not what causes the illness, but it certainly is some of the pattern in which it develops. So you have a panic disorder, probably, maybe with an anxiety disorder, or anxiety disorder with panic. Some of the different ways of looking at this. But the point is it needs to be treated. And once it's treated, once these biological symptoms settle down, you will sort of learn that you can tolerate these cues and these environments without the tax being triggered, and then you'll be able to handle it better. It's kind of like fear of flying, in a way.

58:06 Adam Hey, Liz?

58:07 Yeah?

58:07 Adam You never got traumatized?

58:10 I don't think so.

58:12 Adam All right. Everything was good with you, so this is just some sort of biological event.

58:16 Yeah. All right.

58:17 Drew And it may be part of a depression. It may go to a psychiatrist, too.

58:20 Adam Yeah. Get on the meds.

58:23 Drew Well, there's Boost Bar, Paxil. These things are good for panic.

58:25 Adam Boost Bar?

58:26 Drew Boost Bar. BUSPAR, B-U-S-P-A-R.

58:29 Adam BUSPAR?

58:30 Drew Yeah.

58:30 Adam The thing you hang on to when there's no seats?

58:33 Drew No, it's a famous restaurant.

58:35 Adam What is BUSPAR?

58:38 Drew It's a unique class of anti-anxiety medication. It affects a similar system to the serotonin reuptake inhibiting antidepressants.

58:48 Adam That's what I thought.

58:52 Drew Queequeg?

58:59 Adam What the hell is that from? Moby Dick? Quee Quag?

59:04 Caller Hello?

59:05 Adam Yeah.

59:06 Caller Yeah, my name is Qua.

59:08 Adam Qua?

59:08 Caller Hey, Adam.

59:09 Adam Hey, what is it?

59:11 Caller Qua.

59:11 Adam Qua?

59:12 Caller Yeah.

59:12 Adam All right.

59:13 Caller I got a question, man.

59:15 Adam What are you, Vietnamese?

59:16 Caller Yeah, man, how you know?

59:17 Adam Listen, I know my Quas from my Quee Quangs.

59:20 Caller How you know, man?

59:21 Adam The Qua. Because it's how the Vietnamese pronounce claw.

59:25 Caller Yeah, cool.

59:26 Adam See, in Vietnam, he's known as the claw. Here, he's known as the Qua.

59:30 Caller Yeah. All right. Well.

59:33 Adam The Tiger Qua. Okay.

59:36 Caller Well, I finger banged my girlfriend on the first night.

59:40 Adam Now, with that big Qua of yours.

59:44 Caller My girlfriend on the first night.

59:46 Adam Finger bang. We've discussed that term. After your 18th birthday, you cannot physically tolerate the term finger bang anymore. It's like, ugh. Thank you. I don't know what it is. Why is that?

1:00:03 Caller I'm only 16.

1:00:04 Adam Okay. Yeah. You're fine. Hey, listen. I wish I knew that when I was 16. I would have worked finger banging every sentence. Because I didn't know that when I turned 18, I would become repulsed by the term. So anyway. And it's weird. No problem talking about rim jobs or sodomy. But finger bang. Oh, come on.

1:00:25 Caller After five minutes, I accidentally sniffed my fingers. Well, sniffed my finger.

1:00:30 Adam Accidentally?

1:00:31 Caller Accidentally. Both my hands. And it smelled like pee. And I was thinking if she had any STDs.

1:00:40 Drew It smelled like pee?

1:00:41 Yeah.

1:00:43 Drew No. Most women have a unique smell. If it sort of knocks you over.

1:00:49 Adam What do you mean unique smell?

1:00:50 Drew Women are not... Every woman has some odor.

1:00:53 Adam There's something going on down there.

1:00:54 Drew Normal.

1:00:55 Adam Of course.

1:00:56 Drew And, however...

1:00:57 Adam Listen, my nuts smell in the shower. You understand? There's no time when... When I'm in a jacuzzi, my nuts smell.

1:01:05 Caller Dude, you smell hella bad, man.

1:01:07 Adam I just... Forget about a long mountain bike ride or something. My nuts cannot stop smelling. I could skydive nude. You could put one of those centimeters under my nuts, it would smell. You're saying I could sit in a tub of rubbing alcohol, my nuts would smell. Okay.

1:01:24 Caller And I was thinking if I can get any STD because I also did some major tongue lashing with her.

1:01:32 Adam Well, after that. All right.

1:01:34 Drew Relax, Qua.

1:01:35 Adam Yeah. All right. Hey, I'm getting hot here, Qua.

1:01:38 Drew How about this girl you care about?

1:01:39 Caller She's no, I met her on a kiss for the first time. And then she took me home and where did you meet her? Well, at school, we met on Thursday and I came home to her on Friday.

1:01:51 Drew Not somebody you care about, not somebody you intend to date.

1:01:53 Caller No, I've known her since.

1:01:55 Drew I promise. She's thinking about dating. I promise.

1:01:59 Caller I met her the first time when I was in seventh grade. And then, you know, we started, you know, we kind of separated because she went her own way.

1:02:05 Drew And she's back.

1:02:06 Caller Yeah.

1:02:07 Adam Hey, what's her nationality?

1:02:09 Caller She's Vietnamese too, man.

1:02:10 Adam Vietnamese?

1:02:11 Caller Yeah.

1:02:11 Adam Yeah. Vietnamese chicks, they're not so uptight, are they? They're kind of easy, right?

1:02:16 Caller No, they're hard.

1:02:17 Adam They're hard?

1:02:18 Caller I had to talk her into it. And then I took her home.

1:02:20 Adam Hold on. You met her at school on Thursday. You're finger banging by Friday afternoon. What do you mean? How tough a nut is that to crack?

1:02:26 Drew She's been like boyfriend, girlfriend since they were in seventh grade. On and off.

1:02:30 Caller No, no.

1:02:30 Adam Okay.

1:02:31 Caller Boyfriend, girlfriend.

1:02:32 Adam All right. I know. I heard the part about seventh grade, but I also heard a part about him meeting her on Thursday.

1:02:37 Drew She's back.

1:02:38 Adam All right. All right, Kwa.

1:02:40 Caller And you know, I was thinking, could I get any?

1:02:43 Adam No.

1:02:44 Drew Kwa, she doesn't have anything, does she?

1:02:46 Caller I don't know, but I heard from my health ed and my mom, and then my doctor says that if a girl's crotch smell hella bad, she might have bacteria.

1:02:54 Drew All right. She might have vaginitis, but that's not something you need to worry about. It's not going to be transmitted to your finger.

1:03:01 Adam Man, am I glad I wasn't there.

1:03:03 Drew Kwa.

1:03:04 Adam Kwa.

1:03:05 Drew Kwa, you need to-

1:03:06 Adam You will succumb to the Kwa. I'll give you the Kwa.

1:03:09 Drew I'm really worried about the poor girl. He's courting.

1:03:15 Adam You're lucky I take ring off Kwa this time.

1:03:17 Drew I was thinking about something else that we haven't talked about a lot of time. The whole internet dating thing has changed dramatically since the days that we used to talk about it. People are actually effectively meeting in these web rooms. I'm hearing all kinds of interesting stories. They're learning how to use probing questions.

1:03:31 Adam Drew got a website. Magically, it's okay for people to meet over the internet now, everybody. Big green light for Dr. Drew. Just keep the green bags going in the wallet. You guys can all be killed out in vacant parking lots.

1:03:44 Drew No, I'm just saying.

1:03:45 Adam That's all right now.

1:03:45 Drew Let me talk to them.

1:03:46 Adam Look all up, everybody.

1:03:48 Drew The people are figuring it out.

1:03:49 Adam Enjoy it while the website's still up because the second Drew's website goes down, that's it. It's off limits now.

1:03:54 Drew Listen, it is people. They're not on my site. They're not doing it, but they're figuring it out how to do it. I'm hearing more.

1:04:00 Adam drdrew.com?

1:04:01 Drew Not on my site.

1:04:02 Adam drdrew.com?

1:04:04 Drew But they're figuring out how to make it a healthy thing. I think we ought to help them try to figure it out too, frankly.

1:04:09 Adam Do we want more people hooking up?

1:04:11 Drew That was a good point.

1:04:12 Adam Unacceptable. Thank you. Listen, I don't want anybody to get laid. Do you understand me, except for me? Nick?

1:04:19 Caller Yeah.

1:04:19 Adam You're 20.

1:04:20 Caller Yeah. This question is probably for Dr. Drew. I have herpes of the mouth, and I heard that by performing oral sex on my girlfriend, I can possibly give her Gel to herpes.

1:04:33 Drew Yes, you can. It's usually primarily when you have an outbreak.

1:04:37 Caller Yeah. Is there a possibility if I don't have a cold sore or fever, blister, that thing?

1:04:41 Drew There is a possibility.

1:04:42 Caller Is there a possibility about that?

1:04:44 Adam Hold on a second. We've gone around and around on this a thousand times, and there's no answer.

1:04:51 Drew No answer.

1:04:53 Adam But if you do not have an outbreak.

1:04:56 Drew Let's put it this way. If her oral herpes is extremely common.

1:05:00 Adam Yeah.

1:05:00 Drew If it were contagious.

1:05:01 Adam Her oral herpes. I thought he had oral herpes.

1:05:03 Drew He has it, but anybody having oral herpes is very, very common.

1:05:06 Adam Right.

1:05:07 Drew If everybody who did not have an outbreak of all those people with oral herpes out there, if everybody remained highly contagious even when they were not having outbreaks, everybody would have genital herpes.

1:05:17 Caller Yeah.

1:05:18 Adam Right.

1:05:18 Drew Right. It would transmit all the time. So it doesn't work like that.

1:05:23 Caller Now, I see a lysine for that sometimes. Would that help at all?

1:05:26 Drew Maybe. If you have frequent outbreaks, there's antiviral medications you can use.

1:05:30 Caller Okay.

1:05:31 Drew And there's apthazol now as a topical thing.

1:05:33 Adam You get that zebrexar and you get the...

1:05:36 Drew Zovorex, Valtrex.

1:05:37 Adam You get the kickboxing.

1:05:38 Drew Famvir.

1:05:39 Adam Is that Famvir?

1:05:40 Drew That's Valtrex.

1:05:40 Adam Valtrex. Yeah. All of a sudden, you kickboxing. All right. Let's keep moving along here. John?

1:05:48 Caller Hello?

1:05:49 Adam You're 25?

1:05:51 Caller Yeah. How are you doing, Dr. Drew and Adam?

1:05:52 Drew John?

1:05:53 Adam Hey, John. Oh, John, you're a cop.

1:05:55 Caller Yeah.

1:05:56 Adam Good. Let's talk about that lecture with the ticket.

1:05:59 Caller We're taught not to do both.

1:06:01 Adam Oh, really?

1:06:02 Caller We either give the lecture...

1:06:03 Adam Good... .ticket. Then maybe that's good. Yeah, because you do... Well, sometimes the cops...

1:06:10 Caller I'm not insulting the injury.

1:06:11 Adam The wor... What municipality do you work for?

1:06:17 Caller I'm working right now. I don't want to say. All right.

1:06:19 Drew What state?

1:06:21 Caller I'm in Michigan.

1:06:22 Drew Michigan.

1:06:22 Adam You know what's funny about being a cop?

1:06:24 Caller What's that?

1:06:26 Adam We got strippers calling up the show, you know, and they're like, yeah, I'm down here at Coozie McPhilthy's, right here on Sepulveda near the airport. Woo! Yeah, I'm working tonight. Everyone will tell us where they work and what their job is. Cops are like, yeah, I'm a cop. Yeah. Yeah, I can't talk about it. It's like, you guys aren't doing anything wrong.

1:06:47 Caller We're not fan favorites, though.

1:06:49 Adam Oh, please. No, I know. You don't want your supervisor listening to you monkeying around on the phone.

1:06:56 Drew The LA Kings can't call us either.

1:06:58 Adam Right. Right. All right. So, John, you're saying when you pull somebody over, you don't give them the lecture and the ticket.

1:07:06 Caller No, I don't.

1:07:07 Adam You just give them one or the other.

1:07:09 Caller Well, when I initially make contact, I get their information, and then I'll go back to the car and decide whether I'm going to write the ticket or give the lecture.

1:07:15 Drew How do you decide?

1:07:17 Caller It depends on what they did wrong. A lot of people say it's not the attitude, but I think a lot of times the attitude goes into it, too.

1:07:25 Drew The attitude of the person.

1:07:26 Caller Right.

1:07:26 Adam Oh, yeah. I mean, definitely. Thanks for calling, John. I put him on hold because we're getting a little break up. No, I think you definitely should kiss ass until the time comes when you know you're getting the ticket. Then you don't. You know what I'm saying? I don't want to give these guys a hard time, unless it's the chicken ass stuff, like the other jaywalking ticket I got that I beat in court by the way, given to me by those idiots in Burbank who are just on nothing but a big fundraising campaign over there.

1:08:00 Drew Didn't the judge give you a bunch of crap though?

1:08:02 Adam In Burbank?

1:08:03 Drew Yeah.

1:08:04 Adam The cop was too chicken ass to show up, so I beat it and whoever he is he can kiss my ass. Look I don't remember your name. But listen, I want to sue the city of Burbank for losing half a day of work and going down there and fighting a ticket that I got crossing in between the lines. The guy said he stepped off the curb when the light was blinking. I said but I'm standing on the other side with you and the light hasn't changed yet. Well, I'm writing you a ticket. I said what do you mean you're writing me a ticket? I'm crossing the crosswalk. Yep, getting a ticket. I said to him verbatim, you're wasting my time, you're wasting your time, I'm going to fight this ticket, I'm going to beat it. That's fine but I'm writing you a ticket.

1:08:48 Drew Remember the time I got nailed for not having insurance in a rental car that you can't rent unless you prove insurance and has its own insurance on top of that?

1:08:56 Adam Listen, listen, you leave us big shots alone. That's the message I want to send out. Listen, I swear to God I want a card. I know, you know what the card is going to say? Listen, I know this sounds like some kind of suicide. I got to do one minute on this. I paid 500 grand in taxes last year. I want a 500 grand platinum card, okay? I want the garbage man to get out of the goddamn truck and pick out the hefty bag I put up there. Forget about the robotic arm. Get out of the truck and pick up the hefty bag. Get out of the truck. I want to flash the thing at the meter maid who's riding me to take my car in front of my garage. And when the guy stops me for jaywalking, I want to flash in the platinum card. The $500,000 club, baby. 500 grand. You school teachers, you cops, you garbage men, you paid $6,500 last year. I paid 500 grand. And let me ask you a hypothetical question. What would you rather get out of, two jaywalking tickets a year or pay the 500 grand? I want to be in that club. That's my club. It's the 500 grand club.

1:10:09 Drew The Adam Corolla Club.

1:10:10 Adam Fine. No problem with that. You got a problem with it? Pay 500 grand? You're in! Loud mouths. I swear to Christ, it would be like going to a casino where you're some high roller and you bet millions of years and you stay in a dump. And you get the same thing the guy pays the nickel slots pays. I want my own treatment. I got no problem with that. Why shouldn't I? 500 grand doesn't get you out of a jaywalking ticket? Come on. I want my own garbage man. My own garbage man. He falls me around. And I throw stuff out of the window of my car while it's moving. And he gets out and picks it up.

1:10:46 Drew How about your own policeman?

1:10:47 Adam That's my 500. I want my own cop stationed out front of my house. I don't want to follow me around.

1:10:53 Drew Yeah, God knows what he might find you doing.

1:10:56 Adam I don't want to fall only down to the park or anything. All right, Heather?

1:11:00 Drew Oh, don't even know.

1:11:01 Adam You're 18.

1:11:03 Drew Uh-oh. That reminds me of that bell.

1:11:05 Adam You're depressed?

1:11:06 Yeah.

1:11:07 Guest And my mom's always just like, oh, you're fine. And I don't think I am.

1:11:13 Drew And Heather, one of the things that happens to parents is it's very painful to admit to themselves when their child is sick, particularly when it's emotional problems.

1:11:21 Guest I don't know.

1:11:22 Drew But do you have anybody at school you can talk to about this?

1:11:25 Guest They have like a counseling service. And I went there.

1:11:27 Guest But they like, you go through like four or six weeks.

1:11:31 Guest And then they're like, OK, bye.

1:11:33 Drew Did they say they suggest you go see a psychiatrist or anything?

1:11:37 Guest No.

1:11:38 Guest I don't have any money to anyway.

1:11:41 Drew Well, you go.

1:11:41 Adam Wait a minute. Let me. Why do you think you're so depressed, Heather?

1:11:45 Guest Because I am.

1:11:47 Adam Well, did anything bad happen to you?

1:11:50 Guest I have attachment disorder. And my boyfriend moved to a different state. And I had a couple of friends dying in car accidents this summer.

1:12:00 Drew Who diagnosed you with attachment disorder?

1:12:05 Guest A counselor at this place. Hold on.

1:12:08 Adam What is attachment disorder?

1:12:10 Drew I'm a DSM-4. It's basically, were you sort of adopted or an orphanage or something when you were very young?

1:12:17 Guest No.

1:12:18 Drew That's usually what I think of as some of the attachment.

1:12:19 Adam Did your dad die when you were young?

1:12:21 Caller No.

1:12:22 Adam Both your parents still together?

1:12:24 Guest Yeah.

1:12:24 Adam Really?

1:12:25 Drew Usually, it's deprivation and infancy.

1:12:27 Adam How are they doing? Are they all right?

1:12:29 Guest Yeah.

1:12:29 Drew Were they very, very young when they had you?

1:12:32 Caller No.

1:12:33 Adam All right. Well, Heather, here's what I'm asking. Do you think you have a reason to be depressed, or do you think it's just a biological thing?

1:12:44 Guest I don't know.

1:12:45 Drew Well, she had two deaths and a boyfriend, Leo.

1:12:47 Adam Well, I know. But no, no. But before that, I mean, have you always been depressed?

1:12:53 Guest I don't know. I don't.

1:12:54 Adam Hey, Heather. Heather. Jesus Christ. You're trying to do a radio show here. I can't keep going back. I don't know. I don't know. That's not going to work. Now, listen. Have you always been a depressed person?

1:13:14 Guest I guess.

1:13:16 Adam OK. And?

1:13:17 Drew So this is no different than the usual. What you're experiencing now.

1:13:21 Guest Not really.

1:13:22 Drew All right.

1:13:22 Adam So maybe it's a biological event. Right?

1:13:27 OK.

1:13:28 Adam OK. So, Drew, what should she do? I'm going to hurry. I'm going to kill myself.

1:13:33 Drew You need to see a psychiatrist. If you can't afford it, there's always county services available. But most communities will have their own mental health services. Where are you calling from?

1:13:42 Caller Illinois.

1:13:44 Drew OK. Is there a university nearby?

1:13:46 Caller Yes.

1:13:46 Drew There's a medical school. Call their department of psychiatry. If it's county, particularly if it's county funded, find some county services and get in there.

1:13:55 Adam Hey Heather.

1:13:56 Guest Yeah?

1:13:57 Adam So nothing horrible has happened to you over your life. I mean, you lost some friends in a car accident. I mean, it's bad stuff. But I mean...

1:14:06 Drew Before.

1:14:06 Adam Before that.

1:14:08 Guest No.

1:14:09 Adam Nothing. And your boyfriend went off. Where did he go?

1:14:13 Caller He went to a different state.

1:14:15 Guest He went to go live with his mom because his dad kicked him out.

1:14:19 Adam Oh boy. Okay. Heather, you have a job?

1:14:22 Guest Yeah.

1:14:23 Adam You do?

1:14:24 Guest Yeah.

1:14:24 Adam How's that going?

1:14:26 Guest I don't like it.

1:14:27 Adam Yeah. Well, no one likes their job. All right. Hey, Heather.

1:14:30 Guest Yeah?

1:14:31 Adam Hey, you know what? You know what? This is my new thing. You need to go for walks.

1:14:36 Drew God.

1:14:37 Adam Walk. It's the poor man's therapy.

1:14:39 Drew Oh, please.

1:14:40 Adam I swear to God, go on a walk, things get better. Walk down to the park, you score a dime bag, you come back home, do what I do. No, seriously, you walk every, you show me a depressed person who walks every day. Aha. Ain't one alive. You get depressed. Here's what happens. I know we're going to commercial. You get depressed and you start curling up into a ball. You start watching TV, start chain smoking, you start drinking, you get more depressed, you get less active, and you're less mobile, and you don't move around, and you get more and more and more depressed. You go out every evening and go for a two-mile walk. You'll feel better. All you do is think when you're walking. No TV, no nothing. Just take a walk.

1:15:24 Drew Yeah. Do some Tai Chi.

1:15:27 Adam All right. I'm going to walk to the bathroom now. Okay. We'll be back. Not a lot of momentum. All right, that's Loveline, 1-800-L-E-E-1-9-1, and we'll hop back on the phones. Megan?

1:16:15 Guest Hi.

1:16:16 Adam You're 17.

1:16:17 Guest Hello, I'm a long-time listener, first-time caller. Adam, I love your show. Thank you. My question is that after sex with my boyfriend, his sperm comes right back out of me. Right.

1:16:29 Drew Where is it supposed to go?

1:16:31 Guest I thought it would stay in or something, because it's usually five minutes after it just comes right back out.

1:16:35 Drew If you stood up, it would come right back out then.

1:16:38 Guest Yeah.

1:16:39 Adam I usually sweat my man's sperm out the next day.

1:16:44 Drew Yeah. It comes out when you become upright.

1:16:46 Guest So it's completely normal. It's not like I'm not going to be able to have kids or anything.

1:16:50 Drew It is normal.

1:16:52 Adam Yeah. Wait, are you on the pill?

1:16:55 Yeah.

1:16:55 Adam You are?

1:16:56 Drew Yeah.

1:16:57 Adam Good.

1:16:57 Drew Good.

1:16:58 Yes.

1:16:58 Adam All right.

1:16:59 Drew Which pill are you taking?

1:17:02 Guest I forgot. Do you want me to look at it?

1:17:03 Drew Sure. I'm just curious what temperature you're describing to 17-year-olds.

1:17:06 Guest Orthotrycyclin.

1:17:07 Drew Good.

1:17:08 Adam Beautiful.

1:17:08 Drew Excellent.

1:17:09 Adam I had no trouble pronouncing it. All right, Megan. Don't worry about that sperm flying right out of you.

1:17:16 Caller Okay.

1:17:16 Adam All right. Bye-bye. Well, there you go. Nick.

1:17:21 Caller Yo.

1:17:22 Adam You're 14.

1:17:24 Caller Yeah.

1:17:25 Adam You know how Drew gets his sperm out. He farts. It's flying right out. Go ahead.

1:17:30 Drew That's your sperm.

1:17:31 Adam Oh, yeah. I mean, yes. Sorry.

1:17:34 Caller Okay. Well, you see, I asked him...

1:17:35 Adam Spent it right back on my lap.

1:17:37 Caller What?

1:17:38 Adam Go ahead there, Nick.

1:17:39 Caller I asked this girl out on a date tonight, and it's like the first time I've done it, so I was kind of ballsy. I had to get some liquor in me first, so...

1:17:47 Drew That's probably impressed her.

1:17:48 Adam No, I remember it was like to be 14 and ask a girl out, you know, at school.

1:17:52 Drew Did you consider...

1:17:53 Adam After homeroom? I'd take a little nip, nip of courage, you know, I'd get a little flask with me.

1:17:58 Caller You're telling me, man.

1:18:00 Caller Oh my god, he's 14.

1:18:02 Guest I asked her out on this date to go like...

1:18:03 Adam Well, hold on, here's the good news about Nick. At least he'll be in rehab by 16 and a half.

1:18:08 Drew Yeah, there always is that side.

1:18:09 Adam And then by the time, I mean, hell, you'll have two years of sobriety by the time you finish high school.

1:18:15 Drew Problem is he's starting, so it can affect his development.

1:18:17 Caller Yeah, I guess so. So anyways, after I-

1:18:20 Adam Hey, Nick, what's going on in the background there?

1:18:22 Caller I'm watching Letterman.

1:18:24 Adam Oh, okay. All right. Hold on a second. All right. I'm going to put-

1:18:28 Caller This is qualified.

1:18:29 Adam No, no, no. I just put them on hold for about 20 minutes. I don't like people watching TV while they're talking on the show. I don't mind you watching TV, but turn it down. Wendy?

1:18:38 Guest Yes, sir.

1:18:39 Adam You're 30. What's up?

1:18:41 Guest I have, I guess, Drew would call it trick-a-tilla-mania.

1:18:45 Drew Trick-a-tilla-mania.

1:18:45 Guest Where I pull my hair out.

1:18:46 Drew Right.

1:18:47 Guest It started out with just pulling eyelashes when I was in puberty, and now I'm like full-blown pulling the hair from my head.

1:18:54 Adam I got trick-a-nose-a-mania. I get it when I'm driving.

1:18:58 Guest Probably have that too.

1:18:59 Adam Only when I swear I got irritated one nostril because I go at my nose so frantically on the way home from work at night.

1:19:05 Drew What is it? Why just after the show?

1:19:07 Guest Impulsive behavior.

1:19:07 Adam Man, man.

1:19:09 Caller I don't know.

1:19:10 Adam At certain times when I go at my nose and one of them is driving home from the show at night.

1:19:16 Drew You have a problem.

1:19:17 Adam I go at it like if you saw me in another car, you'd think I was screwing around, like some kind of novelty. I knew you were watching so I was screwing with you. I go at it, man. Then I got boogers on everything. Anything in my passenger seat has a booger on it. It's pathetic.

1:19:40 Guest Well, I had a roommate in college that had a box next to her bed and she would put her boogers in it.

1:19:44 Drew Oh my God.

1:19:46 Adam A booger box?

1:19:47 Guest I swear to God. Yeah.

1:19:51 Adam But she'd empty it once a month, right?

1:19:53 Guest Got a booger box.

1:19:54 Adam See, what I would do, what I do with my booger box is I make a booger ball and I just roll it right into the garbage.

1:20:00 Drew It's like, can you use a foil ball?

1:20:02 Adam That's right. All right, so when do you pull your hair out?

1:20:05 Guest I have this really stressful job and I deal with a lot of emotional illness.

1:20:11 Adam Oh boy.

1:20:12 Guest And I have my own on top of it.

1:20:14 Drew Evidently.

1:20:15 Guest So basically, I'm calling because I don't have any medical insurance. I need to get on some meds.

1:20:19 Drew Yes, you do.

1:20:21 Guest I'm a self-medicator with marijuana. And I know that I need to get off that and onto something a little bit more healthy.

1:20:28 Adam Let me tell you, when you get high, the picking really gets more pronounced.

1:20:34 Drew Yes, it does. And all kinds of obsessive, compulsive kinds of behaviors and preoccupations can become worse with marijuana dependency.

1:20:42 Adam Isn't that true, Wendy?

1:20:44 Guest Yeah, you know, it makes it a little bit easier to calm down a little bit. I relax and I just...

1:20:50 Adam Yeah, but you can't... I mean, all right. When I get high, I cannot stop whatever it is I'm doing.

1:20:57 Drew Perseverate.

1:20:58 Adam What's that?

1:20:59 Drew Perseverate.

1:21:01 Adam Perseverate?

1:21:01 Drew Yeah.

1:21:02 Adam Yeah. I'm like... You know there's that Indian god that has all the arms?

1:21:07 Drew Yeah.

1:21:07 Adam That goddess with all the arms? Pretend you took that arm, you put like a joint, a cigarette, a beer, a bottle of scotch, a corndog, like a bran muffin, and a ho-ho in each arm. And then you put the TV remote and the VCR remote and the other like two, like eight arms. And then you just sat there and just one at your face. It was just randomly. You got the booze, and you got the beer, you got the food, you got the cigarette, you got the joint. And you're like, just, oh, and one arm's picking the nose. That's what I become like when I get high. I just can't stop.

1:21:43 Drew Well, I only talked to Wendy, because I really should maybe be a marijuana addict. Wendy, is there a family history of alcoholism?

1:21:48 Guest I'm sorry?

1:21:48 Drew Is there a family history of alcoholism?

1:21:50 Guest Marijuana.

1:21:50 Drew Marijuana addiction?

1:21:52 Guest Both parents. Yeah. My parents are from lung cancer.

1:21:54 Drew Oh, my God, from marijuana.

1:21:56 Guest Well, they're not quite sure. He smoked for about 15 years, and then he quit, and then he died about, oh, I don't know, eight years later, lung cancer.

1:22:03 Drew Well, they're-

1:22:05 Guest But both my parents smoked from the time I was about two until I was about 15 or so.

1:22:09 Drew In my experience, people that get severe, first of all, alcoholism and obsessive-compulsive disorders go together. So to have OCD, to have trichotillomania, and alcoholism is a common combination.

1:22:20 Adam He means marijuana-ism and alcoholism.

1:22:23 Drew Alcoholism is what predisposes you to the marijuana dependency, and marijuana will make that all worse. So really, it's about going to MA, coming off the pot, getting a program of recovery, going, seeing if things don't settle down by themselves, and then consider things like Luvox or Prozac that decrease the hair volume.

1:22:41 Adam All right, so go to MA. Yeah.

1:22:43 Drew Shouldn't have money? Go to MA. There's a perfectly good program available for you for nothing.

1:22:47 Adam Joe, you're 17.

1:22:48 Caller Oh, yeah. A couple days back, I was with my girlfriend, and we decided we'd try to have sex. So, I'm trying to open up a condom and put it on, and as soon as I try to put it on my penis, I lose my erection.

1:23:09 Adam Yeah. Uh-huh. That's bad. I know. Yeah. Yeah, that's tough. It's like trying to... You know what that's like? No. You ever try to put a pillow in a pillowcase, and it's like just a floppy-down pillow, and you end up wrestling with the thing? I think that's what you got going there.

1:23:34 Caller This is my first time even...

1:23:37 Drew Out of the box.

1:23:38 Caller Yeah, I guess.

1:23:38 Drew That's very common, Joe.

1:23:40 Adam Really?

1:23:40 Drew It happens to a lot of guys. First time, usually, very commonly, some form of sexual dysfunction.

1:23:45 Adam So, what happened?

1:23:46 Drew Nothing.

1:23:47 Caller I told her that maybe we should wait a while longer.

1:23:50 Drew Yeah, fair enough.

1:23:51 Adam Did you attempt to re-erect?

1:23:54 Caller Yeah, I did for a while, and then after a while, I couldn't. So, then I told her.

1:23:59 Drew That's good. You didn't try to do it without a condom. Next time, you'll be fine. Do it with a condom. Yeah.

1:24:04 Adam Well, wait a minute. Wait a minute. First off, the penis is a cruel mistress because I bet you the next day, Jim Classy had an erection with the sweatpants. Sure.

1:24:15 Drew That's the point.

1:24:17 Adam It's great. Walking from second to third period, you had a raging erection with your sweatpants on, but you couldn't get it going with the girlfriend the night before.

1:24:26 Caller That's why I was very embarrassed.

1:24:28 Adam Yeah. Hey, Joe, you know what I would do? You have not had sex before, right? You want to wear a condom?

1:24:35 Caller Yeah, I think I should.

1:24:36 Drew Yeah, good man.

1:24:37 Adam Condoms are literally, they're a dime a dozen now. So you get handfuls at the gay bar.

1:24:43 Drew Drill. He's got a drill.

1:24:45 Adam You got it. You're damn right he does. You got to take that condom and start putting it on your penis when you're alone.

1:24:51 Caller Yeah, I was thinking about trying that too.

1:24:52 Caller Try it.

1:24:53 Adam Get your penis used to it.

1:24:54 Drew Time yourself. I'm myself? Time yourself.

1:24:58 Adam Don't time yourself, you idiot.

1:25:00 Caller I was thinking about maybe trying it on before and then see if I could get used to it.

1:25:05 Adam That's what you do. Do that.

1:25:07 Caller Okay.

1:25:07 Adam All right?

1:25:08 Caller Thanks.

1:25:09 Caller All right.

1:25:11 Adam Now, give away the condoms at the... Well, I was listening to the news last week. I saw this big thing about them trying to make an ordinance in West Hollywood to give away condoms. And it's funny. It's like a national story. Will we be the first city...

1:25:25 Drew That was one of the stories on Politically Incorrect I was supposed to have to talk about.

1:25:29 Adam Yeah. You know the thing that's funny? And I've heard it a thousand times. West LA city officials want to know whether to make it mandatory to give away condoms at Singles Bar. They keep saying Singles Bars. They got to say Gay Bar so they can put the thing in a context. You know what I'm saying? Because here's the deal. It's like Sodom and Gomorrah in the bathroom. You know what I mean? There's a glory hole in the divider between stalls. Of course you got to give away condoms. They keep saying bars, bars, bars. You don't have to give them away. Bars. Gay bars. You got to give them away. Give them away. You got to have a midget putting them on when the guy walks in. If I had a gay bar, that would be my angle. Midget. Give you a Jaegermeister shot and put a condom on you. The Jaegermeister tray sits on his head. You come out and the schvanz out and he puts the condom on. Right as you walk in.

1:26:24 Drew Jaeger and a Jimmy.

1:26:25 Adam Jaeger and a Jimmy. That's right. Wednesday night is cowboy night. Do they have to designate a cowboy night at a gay bar? Isn't every night cowboy night at a gay bar? Every night is cowboy night. If I had a gay bar, I'd say, listen, Tuesday, non-cowboy night. That would be my only night. You must, you cannot wear boots. Okay, we'll take a little break. We'll be back.

1:26:51 Caller Love Line, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

1:26:54 Adam Well, it's worth hearing. Yes, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, it's Dr. Drew. Here we go. Back on the phones. Nick.

1:27:35 Drew Nick's the guy you gave a time out to.

1:27:37 Adam Oh yeah, oh yeah. Nick, you had Letterman on.

1:27:40 Caller Yeah, and I turned it off. I'm in the other room now.

1:27:42 Adam All right, so you're very repenting, Nick. I like that.

1:27:44 Caller I asked this girl out, and she said, Okay, I have volleyball practice on Friday, and so I asked her, like, Are you free on the weekend? She said, Saturday's okay, and then she said, It's okay if I bring a friend along.

1:27:55 Drew I want to know what does that mean? It means she's scared. Maybe her parents won't hear of it any other way, frankly.

1:28:02 Adam You know what I interpret friend to be?

1:28:04 Caller Her vibrator.

1:28:06 Adam I would count on that, Nick, like when a gal says, you know.

1:28:09 Drew It could be her period, too.

1:28:12 Adam That's Aunt Flo, isn't it? I want to bring my friend with me. I always think, yeah, vibrator, yeah.

1:28:18 Caller Come on, man, be serious.

1:28:19 Adam No, listen, she's nervous.

1:28:22 Drew Yeah, it's appropriate. I mean, that's, I think, a good way to deal with it.

1:28:25 Adam Girls always do that.

1:28:26 Drew Certain kinds of dating. But the fact that she wants to go out is good. And go ahead and go along with it. Maybe you bring a guy, too. Bring another guy, so her friend's got somebody to talk to.

1:28:33 Caller Yeah, but is this going to be like a girl or a guy?

1:28:36 Drew It's going to be a girl.

1:28:37 Adam Oh, it'll be a girl. It's got to be a girl.

1:28:39 Drew It's going to be a girl.

1:28:40 Caller It's going to be a girl.

1:28:40 Drew Yeah. So bring one of your friends. So it seems to be a little more festive.

1:28:45 Adam Hey, Nick, you mentioned earlier you had to take a little nip, a booze to ask her out.

1:28:51 Drew Forgot about that.

1:28:52 Caller Yeah.

1:28:54 Caller She's like one of those popular girls.

1:28:55 Caller And so I was like, and so I was like.

1:29:00 Adam All right, Nick, you can't use the F word.

1:29:03 Caller Sorry, dude.

1:29:04 Adam All right.

1:29:04 Caller Wow.

1:29:05 Adam Hey, Nick, what's it like to be 14 and burnt out, kind of spent and fed up with the system? And, you know, I mean, like, what's it like to be Nick Nolte, you know, at 14?

1:29:16 Caller We're like, yeah, bitch.

1:29:18 Caller Well, it's fun.

1:29:19 Caller Bringing her goddamn friends.

1:29:20 Caller But other than that, like, sometimes you're wasted. Like, some of my friends do drugs, and one of my friends has been in rehab four times. Yeah.

1:29:28 Adam Lost a lot of friends in there, man.

1:29:31 Caller Hasn't been the same. Pretty screwed.

1:29:34 Adam Ninth grade was tough, man.

1:29:35 Caller Took a lot out of me. That's about it.

1:29:38 Adam Yeah. I left part of my soul in ninth grade too, man. You don't have your learner's permit, Nick. How broken can you be? What have you seen in your life?

1:29:49 Caller What have I seen? I watched Pulp Fiction in third grade.

1:29:52 Adam Oh, I see. Third grade.

1:29:55 Drew How long it's been.

1:29:57 Adam Oh, no.

1:29:58 Drew Yes.

1:30:00 Adam Third grade?

1:30:00 Drew Three years. Six years ago for him. Learned Pulp Fiction in 94.

1:30:05 Adam 94.

1:30:06 Caller There you go.

1:30:08 Adam Hey, Nick.

1:30:09 Caller Yeah?

1:30:10 Adam All right. Liven up, would you brother? It ain't that bad out there. Let me tell you something. You know, back in my day, we had to dial the phone. We didn't push any buttons. All right? And the microwave?

1:30:23 Caller Yeah.

1:30:23 Adam Didn't exist. You understand me?

1:30:26 Caller Yeah.

1:30:27 Adam Yeah. I have something in the future. The Jetsons had the microwave. I had a toaster oven.

1:30:33 Drew Oh, that was a big deal.

1:30:35 Adam Yeah.

1:30:35 Drew We're talking late 70s now.

1:30:37 Adam Toaster oven. That was the answer to everything. Let's put it in a toaster oven. Yeah.

1:30:43 Adam Use a toaster oven to make some scrambled eggs in that thing.

1:30:45 Drew Souffle.

1:30:45 Adam Listen, wait a minute. Do I have to use it? Was I talking to you about this?

1:30:50 Drew No.

1:30:50 Adam I know. That's going to kill me. I'll go right back to the calls. But I was talking to someone at my office today. I was talking to Jimmy, I think, about, I said, what happened to Souffle humor? Souffle humor was a very important part of American culture around the 70s.

1:31:05 Drew Paul Lin, Charles Nelson Riley.

1:31:07 Adam Beginning of the sitcom. Here's the beginning of the sitcom. Alice has the Souffle in the oven. Greg comes walking in the kitchen and slams the door. She runs over to the oven, turns the light on, looks through the glass. No, no, no. Well, come on, Drew. The Souffle is not dropped yet. This is the beginning. This is Act 1, you idiot.

1:31:26 Drew Right, right, right, right.

1:31:27 Adam Ah, Souffle is still up. Act 2, somebody drops a pan, ha ha, Souffle. Peter comes in playing a bass drum, ah ha, the Souffle. There was a lot of Souffle dropping humor in the 70s. Almost every episode involved a Souffle.

1:31:45 Drew And they were not like chocolate Souffle, they were like, jeez Souffle.

1:31:48 Adam Big growing Souffle, it's really not going to drop. Push, shh, last act, of course, something would happen. Souffle dropped. I'm not seeing enough Souffle humor in sitcoms. Anyone who's listening, who works on these, you know, like The Norm Show or Friends or some of these hip sitcoms, let's see if we can revamp the old Souffle thing. That's comedy. Karen.

1:32:14 Drew Oh, sleeping.

1:32:16 Adam Wow. That's a lot of woman. Karen's.

1:32:22 Drew Oh, I guess it's congested.

1:32:25 Adam Got a little bit Popeye snore. It's got that little letter.

1:32:36 Drew It's got like three different sounds. That little pitch sound.

1:32:41 Adam Remember Silence of the Lambs when Lector went to a nice Chianti and he went, it's got a little of that.

1:32:49 Drew It's like a definite champ.

1:32:54 Adam Wow, it's really, it's starting to get a little bit, get a little mucus break on the way out too. A little pop, a little bubble. Let's hear. My favorite part of this show is listening to people snore who are listening to it. All right. All right.

1:33:18 Drew How do we know when to stop?

1:33:20 Adam I can never stop. To me, listening to people snore is like a big bowl of peanut M&Ms and I'm stoned. I thought that's what you described. There's no stopping. It's just running out of show or running out of M&Ms, but there's no, I'm going to stop.

1:33:34 Drew I thought you said about the guy who could pass gas and command.

1:33:38 Adam I thought that too. Kelly?

1:33:40 Yeah.

1:33:41 Adam You're 18? What's up?

1:33:44 Caller Well, I just recently had sex for the first time. And I like, afterwards, like a couple days later, I had a really uncomfortable feeling. And so I went to the doctor and it turns out I had a bladder infection and a vaginal infection. And so I was given medication for it and stuff and then I went back for a checkup and I had a yeast infection.

1:34:10 Drew Well, that's from the antibiotics for the bladder infection.

1:34:13 Caller Is that what it's from? Well, I was just curious if this, because the sex was very painful. Like I had heard that it hurt, but it was a lot worse than I expected. And I was just curious if this is something that's normal, like these infections.

1:34:27 Drew Yeah, they're common. They're not normal. And some women get them almost every time they have sex and have to take antibiotics sort of chronically or every time they have sex. Some get it only when they're sort of not careful.

1:34:48 Adam This can't be a chick. This says Karen.

1:34:52 Drew It's Karen.

1:34:52 Adam It can't be Karen. It's got to be Karen's boyfriend.

1:34:55 Drew Maybe this is Karen with the 97-pound tumor.

1:35:00 Adam Yeah. All right, listen. All right, now listen. No, no, please, please. You'll wake them. I'll lose my... OK, we got to take a break. Let me see. Hey, Dana?

1:35:09 Guest Yes.

1:35:10 Adam You quit using math on January 1st?

1:35:12 Caller Yes.

1:35:13 Adam Now you're having crazy nightmares?

1:35:15 Guest Just the most realistic, violent nightmares.

1:35:18 Adam OK, Drew, what should you do?

1:35:20 Drew You got to get supervised. You got to get in some program, because nightmares are part of the deal here. All kinds of sleep disturbances, mood disturbances, and you're going to need a lot of support with this.

1:35:30 Adam Sleep disturbances? All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll get back with Karen and her quivering lip.

1:35:40 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. We'll be right back.

1:36:14 Adam All right, well, that is it. The show's over. I want to thank our contest winners from the drdrew.com contest. Who came all the way out here from Minnesota.

1:36:24 Drew Isn't that nice?

1:36:25 Adam And sat there for two hours.

1:36:27 Drew And enjoyed your ass.

1:36:29 Adam Amazing.

1:36:30 Drew Yeah, somebody who actually laughed at your humor. That's why I bring these people out.

1:36:33 Adam God bless them. All right, so, until next time?

1:36:37 Drew Yeah.

1:36:38 Adam This is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. I did some gay porn in the late 70s. Well, now.

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Monday, January 10, 2000