Episode 1000754887745

0:01 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

0:03 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion advised.

0:08 Voiceover Now, here's Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191 with Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla.

0:14 Voiceover What are you insane?

0:26 Adam Lava lamps and cock rings. You call the station, we can put you in touch with my attorney.

0:32 Drew Jacob.

0:33 Adam Yeah, hi.

0:33 Drew 17.

0:34 Yeah, how's it going?

0:35 Drew Good.

0:35 Oh, that lava lamps and cock rings, good idea.

0:38 Yeah, yeah, I like it a lot.

0:39 Adam I'm looking for fresh young employees who know their way around experimental lighting and novelty devices involving the penis.

0:48 Drew Let me ask you this. The employee's gonna have special outfits and special sort of characteristic, like, say, hot dog and a stick. You know, have those.

0:56 Adam Yeah, we'll put them in those striped outfits with those 60s Nancy Sinatra go-go boots and those flight attendant hard hats that they used to, Pan Am used to wear in like the early 70s. All right, Jacob, what's going on?

1:11 All right. I've got a clothed knee bag, right?

1:14 Drew All right.

1:14 Adam Yeah.

1:15 Okay. Dr. Drew, you know what that is, right?

1:17 Drew Oh, I know what that is. How come you had your colon taken out?

1:19 Adam Is it attached to you or you just have one?

1:22 It's attached to me.

1:23 Drew Why do you have a colostomy?

1:24 I had a perforated anus whenever I was born.

1:28 Drew Oh, wow.

1:29 Yeah. And they had to make one for me.

1:31 Drew Right.

1:31 And it went well for a while. And then my intestines got all messed up and they had to go in. And it was just a really big problem. We had to actually go back and put it back on there.

1:40 Drew Is the colostomy just for a while while things heal? They're going to hook you back up? Yeah.

1:43 Like right now, I'm seeing the specialist in San Diego.

1:47 Drew There's something called a coax pouch they can put together for you if the things don't hook up properly.

1:51 Yeah, and I'm supposed to go in for another operation within the next two months.

1:55 Drew I'm sure you will. Then they're not, when they take down the colostomy or when they, yeah, that's be fine.

2:00 Adam Hey, hold on. What is the perforated anus?

2:03 Drew Not perforated.

2:05 Adam Not perforated.

2:05 Drew Doesn't come through.

2:07 Adam So no hole?

2:08 Drew No hole.

2:09 Adam Some hole?

2:10 Drew No hole.

2:11 Adam You couldn't smuggle anything out of the country if you had to?

2:15 None shall pass, that kind of thing.

2:17 Adam So, I mean, it is, where your anus is...

2:20 Yeah. There was nothing. Just blank.

2:23 Adam Just blank? No anus?

2:25 Yeah, none.

2:26 Drew So the colon doesn't even hook down into there.

2:27 Yeah, whenever...

2:28 Drew Just ends.

2:29 Adam Just sealed up.

2:30 Yeah, and whenever they went in...

2:32 Drew Yeah.

2:33 Adam Yeah, sorry.

2:34 Oh, so whenever they went in, they took out like a good portion of the colon. Yeah. And so, it's a big mistake. Well, anyway, what the big thing is, I mean, I've got a pretty normal life. Yeah. But you gotta keep it up. You gotta keep it clean.

2:46 Drew It's a pain in the neck.

2:47 Oh, yeah.

2:47 Adam The bag?

2:48 Drew Yeah.

2:48 Yeah. And if you don't wash it and keep it clean, you get infected and...

2:52 Adam Well, hold on a second. I really, I don't want to spend too much time here, but I really want to understand this technology.

2:58 Drew Okay.

2:58 Adam So first, there's no anus. It's just blocked up.

3:01 Drew Right.

3:01 Adam Like a kindle or something, right? Just a crack, but nothing in there, right? They're very kind. Which you could look at as a curse, but it could be a blessing in certain instances. I mean, it really could. I really think it could.

3:15 Drew This relationship between you and me could be great.

3:17 Adam Yeah, that's right. I could start sleeping on my stomach again when Drew and I traveled. But okay, so there's nothing going on. We got to get our own rooms from now on. There's nothing going on back there. So then what they do is all the matter that comes out of you, not just the fecal matter, right? Not the urine.

3:38 Drew Not the urine.

3:38 My penis works fine.

3:41 Adam The fecal matter, instead of coming out of the anus, comes out of a incision that they've made somewhere around where, Drew? Where would that be on you?

3:49 Drew Probably they take a little incision here, and they bring a piece of colon up to the surface, and they just have it come to the surface.

3:57 So they make an alternate highway route to it.

4:00 Adam Right. And that's just sort of above where your underpants elastic would be or right below it. And it's open, right? Is it open?

4:09 Drew It's a piece of mouth that sort of creates a little mouth. It looks...

4:14 Adam It makes a little mouth.

4:15 Drew Yeah. It looks like...

4:17 Adam And does it stay open or does it sort of pinch shut?

4:22 Drew You can't see anything. You can't see a hole. You see like this what you see.

4:25 Adam Yeah. You'd have to open it like a fat guy's belly button when he was sitting down.

4:29 Drew Yeah.

4:30 Adam That's good, right? Okay. So then what you do is you then have to sort of open it a little bit.

4:37 Drew No, no, no. Then you have this adhesive you put around it.

4:40 Adam Put around it.

4:41 Drew Stick a bag on it.

4:42 Adam Stick the bag on it.

4:43 Drew And it just stuff pours out.

4:44 Adam Stuff comes out. And do you know when stuff's going to come out? No.

4:49 Drew And gas fills up too. So these bags can start swelling too.

4:52 Adam Oh, it fills with gas. Yeah. Oh my God. You can't fart. Can you fart?

4:57 Drew Yeah, think of all the fun you could have with a lighter.

5:00 Adam I know.

5:00 I just felt like crying yesterday on the Man Show. And it was like, oh.

5:03 Adam Yeah. Raging ass. Yeah.

5:05 Oh, come on. Hit me again. That was great.

5:08 Adam So there's no farting for you. Or if you do fart, it's like a clown filling up balloons at a kid's party.

5:15 That's right.

5:16 Adam Take the class me bag and make a poodle. So they don't have gag class me bags. I shouldn't make shit. Write that down. Lava lamps and cock rings. Hold on. Simply lava lamps, cock rings, and gag class me bags. Okay. So now you have this bag and the bag just sort of goes throughout the day. Do you know when stuff is passing through it?

5:38 It kind of vibrates whenever I go. So I kind of have an idea.

5:41 Adam And do you know the timing now?

5:44 I mean, just like you, you go to the bathroom on a certain schedule.

5:48 Adam Right. Well, but let's say, but what I mean is I could take a dump right now in the studio or I could take one when I got home later on. You know what I'm saying?

5:57 Drew Right. You can't control it.

5:59 Adam You don't have that.

6:00 Drew No.

6:00 Adam But what I'm interested in is, if you were, let's say, cleaned out, let's just say you just drank water and you fasted for like three days. Now you eat a big sandwich. When is that thing coming out? Are we talking about six hours? Are we talking about two hours?

6:16 12 hours.

6:16 Adam 12?

6:17 Well, it kind of depends on what I drink because I'm kind of lactose intolerant and I can't have a lot of sugar. I had to kind of like speed it up and end up like diarrhea, which is not a good idea.

6:25 Adam Okay, so how do you sort of conceal the bag when you're walking around and stuff?

6:30 See, that's the problem with me. I mean, you can't. I mean, I can't play football. I can't go on roller coasters. I mean, I'm pretty limited to my physical movement because if I move too fast, I might come off.

6:41 Adam Right.

6:41 And I think one time in like eighth grade, some guys were picking on me.

6:45 Adam Oh, boy.

6:46 And of course, I fell back. But one of the guys like hit me inside the stomach where it was and came out. And I just felt like shooting myself.

6:54 Adam Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

6:55 Drew She just thrown it at the guy.

6:57 Adam But anyway, it's like it's like traveling with a grenade. Yeah. You could take on like a whole gang with that thing. Is it around your head?

7:05 You know, I mean, I take that.

7:07 Adam All right. So they got that bag. And then how often do you change that bag or clean it out?

7:13 Like three or four times a day.

7:16 Adam And how do you clean it out? Just kind of empty it over the toilet?

7:19 I rinse it out with peroxide, make sure it's all sterilized.

7:22 Adam Why? Couldn't you get a disposable bag? I mean, you got it.

7:26 Drew I had those too, but they have all kinds of equipment.

7:29 Adam Okay.

7:30 Yeah. A lot of it's like pretty expensive stuff.

7:31 Drew And the skin can break down around the ostomy and it's all kinds of stuff.

7:35 Right.

7:35 So it's basically like cleaning a cut like four or five times.

7:39 Adam Oh, boy.

7:40 Oh, brother.

7:40 But anyway, but you guys have other calls. I don't want to keep you.

7:43 Adam All right.

7:44 Drew And we'll talk to you off the air for about three or four hours. I could talk bag cramp for weeks.

7:49 I know.

7:50 Drew But this isn't Carpenter, okay?

7:52 Anyways, I've got this girlfriend and I mean, she's like really, I love her so much. I mean, she's like really forward with it. I mean, she understands what I'm going through and she just like spends it like a hundred percent.

8:02 Drew That's great. That's awesome.

8:04 I'm just kind of afraid that, you know, I'm like people around now and then, but I mean, I'm afraid that if we actually have sex and you know, get on top of everything that you might actually, you know, have it come off and.

8:14 Drew Why don't you, you know, you can take it off for a while, clean everything out and, and just.

8:19 I did that one time and like, like I said, I can't really know where I'm going. So all of a sudden I like don't know and oh, it's like a big brown spot right there.

8:25 Drew Yeah. And so. Don't you have any, they have some sort of, I'm not, I'm not real fair with all different equipment available, but I'm sure they have like a little, just a cover you can get without the full bag that you could have on there for 15 minutes or something.

8:37 Adam 15.

8:38 Drew Or whatever. Three minutes.

8:40 Adam Three minutes, come on. 15 minutes.

8:42 Drew There's a Corolla bag and there's a.

8:43 Adam That's the movie and the dinner.

8:45 Drew But you know, there's a lot of equipment out there and you might want to talk to an ostomy nurse and really, I'm sure people deal with this all the time and God bless you, Jacob, you're really healthy as well. I'm not surprised you have a girlfriend who really is into you.

8:55 Adam And you know, she's into him, but can he work it out with the, hey, I didn't eat in such and such amount of hours. I just emptied the bag. You know, I've cleaned myself out. I drank a lot of water. There's a real low chance that something's going to come out in the half hour that this thing is on.

9:11 Drew You can put a big bunch of gauze over it. You know, even if something brown does start to come out.

9:14 Adam I'll just stuff a tube sock or something in there, right? Oh, man. Born with no anus.

9:20 Drew You've never heard about it. You've never dealt with colostomy.

9:22 Adam That's a child's, that's a good child's book. A good children's book.

9:27 Drew Johnny Noanus?

9:28 Adam Johnny Noanus. No, I haven't dealt with that. I really, I'm so glad. I know, let's all just stop and thank whoever we think our maker is for just one second about everything functioning well down there. That is a blessing you never think about.

9:44 Drew I'll wait till you, yeah, you've had something go wrong down there, you know what that feels like.

9:48 Adam I did?

9:48 Drew When you had to lance yourself and all?

9:50 Adam Oh yeah, sure.

9:51 Drew That was nothing.

9:52 Adam No problem. Joel?

9:54 Yeah.

9:54 Adam You're 15.

9:55 Caller Yeah.

9:56 Adam What's going on?

9:57 Caller Well, I mean, I got a problem because I've been masturbating for a while now, a bit over a year, and I think it's kind of sick, and I kind of want to stop, but I can't.

10:06 Drew What do you mean a lot?

10:09 Caller About every couple of days.

10:11 Drew Oh jeez. Adam's going to be incensed now.

10:13 Yeah.

10:14 Adam A lot. Unless you did it 20 times in that one time that you did it every two days. I don't consider that a lot.

10:21 Caller Well, I mean, I didn't know how much everybody else did it.

10:24 Adam More in every couple days, usually at 15.

10:28 Caller Are you shocked?

10:29 Adam Are you religious?

10:31 Caller Oh, yeah.

10:32 Adam Oh, okay. Is that why you think it's weird?

10:34 Caller Yeah.

10:35 Adam Yeah. You'll get over that.

10:36 Drew It's normal, Joel. Totally normal.

10:39 Caller How long would that take, though, to get over that?

10:41 Adam No, I mean, you'll get over the religious stuff, not over the masturbation. How long does that take? Well, here's the way religion works. You're sitting down?

10:52 Caller Yeah.

10:52 Adam Okay. When you're young, you sort of buy into everything wholeheartedly, you know? Your parents tell you about the Easter Bunny, they tell you about the Tooth Fairy, they tell you about Santa Claus, and you just pretty much buy into it. And then later on in life, like around, I don't know, how old are your kids, Drew? They know there's no Santa yet?

11:10 Drew No.

11:11 Adam All right.

11:11 Drew They're about eight or so.

11:12 Adam Mental note, tell Drew's kids there's no Santa.

11:16 Drew Mental note, kick Adam in the nuts if he comes into our house.

11:18 Adam But the point is, is somewhere, I don't know what it is, it could seem a little, but somewhere around seven, eight years old, whatever, you realize there's no Santa, right?

11:27 Drew Yeah.

11:27 Adam But you still kind of think about him. I mean, you don't want to like piss him off. You just, there's no Santa, but there's some milk and some cookies left out. I'm not going to wipe my ass with one of the cookies. You know what I mean?

11:39 Drew You pay homage to the myth.

11:41 Adam Right. Now, this is what happens with religion. When you're a kid and you grow up in a religious family and your parents tell you God is everywhere and he's watching you and all that, you take it very literally. You think he's watching you. He's looking after you, this and that. And then as you get older, you sort of realize that, yeah, I don't want to kill any drifters, but if I jack off once in a while, it's no big deal. See what I mean? It's like, I understand God's still around, but I just don't take it quite as literally as I used to. You should be getting to that stage, Joel.

12:11 Caller Okay.

12:12 Adam All right?

12:13 Caller Okay.

12:13 Adam So go ahead. He's not watching you all the time. How can he watch you and me masturbate at the same time?

12:19 Drew He'd be doing nothing else but watching you.

12:21 Adam And if he is, what kind of God is that? Sits around watching his young kids whack off?

12:25 Drew A nausea.

12:26 Adam Think about it. Think about that. Amy.

12:30 Caller Hi.

12:30 Adam You're 27.

12:31 Caller Yes. All right. Okay. I looked in my boyfriend's medicine cabinet this morning and I have a bunch of drugs that I want Dr. Drew to tell me what they are for.

12:49 Drew All right. Let's go.

12:50 Caller Okay. First one.

12:51 Drew And by the way, I heard a consumer report, guys, says if you want to know, get a real quick assessment of your relationship. Look in their medicine cabinet and the court record. That's the stuff they won't tell you about.

13:03 Adam What court record?

13:04 Drew I don't know what he meant by that, but he may answer as anything.

13:05 Adam See what kind of movies they got lying around.

13:07 Caller My friend is the one who told me I look in the medicine cabinet.

13:10 Drew That's very smart.

13:10 Adam Stump, porn and meatballs three. And it's time to leave the house.

13:14 Drew All right.

13:15 Caller Okay. You'll have to forgive my speech. Quantipin.

13:21 Drew That's an anti-anxiety medicine. Go ahead.

13:25 Caller Tegretol.

13:26 Drew Tegretol is an anti-seizure medicine. And Quantipin can be anti-seizure also.

13:31 Adam Does he have seizures?

13:32 Drew Although they both can also be used for manic depression. Well, I don't know. Not that I know of.

13:38 Caller Okay.

13:38 Drew If there's like an antidepressant in here next, then that's sort of probably that.

13:42 Caller Buspar.

13:43 Drew Buspar is anti-anxiety.

13:46 Caller Seraquil.

13:47 Drew Seraquil.

13:47 Adam Crabs.

13:48 Drew Seraquil is an antidepressant with anti-psychotic properties.

13:52 Adam And it helps with crabs.

13:54 Drew Seraquil is a pretty heavy-duty medicine.

13:56 Caller And then the Luvox.

13:58 Adam That's herpes. That's genital herpes.

14:00 Drew Luvox is a... Luvox is an antidepressant with for obsessive compulsive... that has a treatment for obsessive compulsive disorder also. So these are all really substantial psychiatric medications.

14:16 Adam You don't... you didn't know any... I mean, he didn't give you any clues that he had some psychiatric conditions?

14:25 Caller None. None at all.

14:26 Adam But you're not exactly... Inspector Clouseau, are you? I mean... You don't have real sharp...

14:38 Drew Deductive skills.

14:39 Adam Deductive skills.

14:41 Caller Well, no. Why do you say that?

14:44 Drew Okay. Let's get off that topic.

14:45 Adam You just sound a little dull. You know what I mean? Well, I don't know. You know, like you smoke the joint, you don't sweat the details.

14:55 Caller No, no. That's not me at all. I mean, we've... you know, I think that... I've only known him since April. We've been dating since June. Last night was our, like, first night, you know, together.

15:09 Drew Did you have sex?

15:10 Caller Yeah.

15:11 Drew Was he able to function okay? He probably never had... Some of this stuff will make you not have an orgasm.

15:16 Caller He seems... I mean, he seems to me very, very sweet. We've only just moved the relationship up. God, I think...

15:26 What's he do for a living?

15:27 Adam What's he do for a living?

15:29 Caller He's actually a grad student in the architecture department. He also teaches underclass architecture students.

15:39 Adam What do you do?

15:40 Caller What do I do? Nothing right now. I'm a student.

15:45 Drew Are you one of the underclass architecture students he teaches?

15:47 Caller No, no, no, no. I'm in elementary education.

15:52 Adam Okay. And what did you do? Did you write all this stuff down?

15:55 Caller I wrote the medicine down.

15:57 Adam That is so diabolical.

15:59 Caller See, now what do I do?

16:01 Adam All right, but hold on. Let me talk to Drew for a second. How do you date somebody who's on this many meds and not sort of notice that there's a little something up with them? Not that they're lunatics, but just that something's a little up.

16:18 Drew I don't know.

16:20 Adam On the other hand, maybe he's not taken all this. Maybe this is the last five years he hasn't taken one of them.

16:25 Drew But this is actually a combination somebody could be on, but it's heavy duty.

16:30 Adam Really?

16:30 Drew Yeah. But look, if he has a bad manic depressive illness or something, you might really not notice it. You might just be controlled.

16:35 Adam Were there dates on any of these?

16:39 Caller The most, they're all like recent dates. They were all like for the same date of this past month.

16:44 Adam Oh, okay.

16:45 Caller So yeah, I checked all the dates. I mean, he's kind of a little eccentric, but I mean, I'm attracted to that. I'm not like really over the edge on anything.

16:57 Drew Did you have any mental illness in your family growing up, or anything?

16:59 Caller Do I? No.

17:00 Drew Nothing in your family?

17:02 Adam No? Your dad wasn't a little crazy?

17:06 Drew Eccentric?

17:07 Caller No. All right. Hippies, I mean, but, you know, retired hippies.

17:13 Drew Yeah.

17:14 Adam Your dad was high on LSD most of the time?

17:17 Caller Back in the day before they settled and had a family.

17:21 Drew All right.

17:22 All right.

17:23 Adam All right, Amy.

17:24 Caller Thank you.

17:24 Adam Okay.

17:25 Bye.

17:26 Adam Why do I get the feeling that if I met this guy, I would know something's up with him immediately?

17:30 Drew Oh, yeah.

17:31 Adam You can't, you can't require this cocktail of medications without having some serious issues, right?

17:39 Drew Biological issues.

17:41 Adam Right. Chris?

17:43 What up?

17:43 Adam You're 18.

17:44 Caller Yep. I have a problem, Drew. I want to know if I have sex with my girlfriend while she's on her reg, if that's going to like cut it short or make it last longer or...

17:56 Drew Why?

17:57 Caller What?

17:58 Adam If he has sex with his girlfriend while she's on her period, will it change that period?

18:02 Drew Why do you ask that?

18:04 Adam Who wants to know? That's why.

18:05 Caller She had concerns about it.

18:06 Drew She had concerns about it?

18:07 Caller Yeah. Why? I don't know. She thought it was making it last longer.

18:12 Drew It actually could. I suppose it could. But it's not necessarily the case. But some of it would get more bleeding and more sort of... Why?

18:20 Adam Congestion?

18:21 Drew Yeah. It's not doing the congestion and stuff.

18:24 Adam But it's no big deal, right?

18:25 Drew It's no big deal. It means nothing.

18:27 Adam It's not going to add a week to it.

18:28 Drew It's going to add... A couple days.

18:30 Adam A couple days?

18:31 Drew Maybe.

18:32 Adam You think so?

18:32 Drew Maybe. It's possible. Let's put it that way.

18:34 Adam If your period is three days long, you have sex on the second day, you think it's going to be five days, six days? Maybe four. Okay. Let's add a little bit. Come on. Let's get another call here before we go to break. Uh-huh. John? Hey. You're 23.

18:51 Caller Hey. What's going on, man?

18:52 Adam Yeah. What's happening? You've been on hold for 40 minutes.

18:55 Caller Yes. I've been on hold for 40 minutes.

18:57 Adam You've only been on the air for 20 minutes.

18:58 Caller Yes. It's because I live in Minnesota and I thought the FN Show was already on.

19:03 Adam Great.

19:04 Caller Okay. And believe it or not, I had a hell of a time getting through.

19:06 Adam All right.

19:07 Caller Right on. Well, all right. So you know what I'm calling for, right?

19:10 Adam No. What is it?

19:11 Caller Okay. Well, I've been in prison for three years. I just recently got out a month ago. All right. So thanks for a little... Excuse me, it's really weird now, it's all different. And my biggest problem is I'm having a real hard time talking to women now. And some I never had a real problem with, but let's face it, the only women I've been talking to for the last three years are wearing uniforms and not exactly available.

19:39 Adam Right. What were we in prison for?

19:42 Caller Aggravated robbery.

19:43 Adam Aggravated robbery.

19:45 Caller Yes.

19:45 Adam That's where you rob someone and rough them up?

19:48 Caller No, that just means you have a pistol, or some sort of deadly weapon when you do it.

19:51 Adam What did you have?

19:52 Caller A pistol.

19:55 Adam This is a scene from Get Smart, a dialogue. So what did you rob?

20:02 Caller I don't want to go into it. I robbed a night deposit at a bank, but it wasn't a bank robbery because it was... Somebody's taking money out. I wouldn't be talking to you because that's a ten-year bit.

20:10 Adam So had you had any trouble with the law before then?

20:13 Caller No, just some goofy little kid stuff like...

20:18 Adam Were you a drug addict?

20:19 Caller Yeah, I was methamphetamine.

20:22 Adam Yeah, it makes sense. I don't know of any crime that really doesn't have that as a base to it. Unless some guy's wife is screwing around on him, he has her killed, there's something, you know, insurance fraud or something like that. But by the way, though, hold on a second, we gotta take a break. I don't mind that kind of crime. You know, like, wife is poisoning her husband so she can collect on insurance. You know what? No problem with that. I got, really, I don't have any problem with that. It's like, she is a homicidal bitch, and this guy decided to marry her, and now he's being poisoned.

21:02 Drew Both are flawed.

21:04 Adam I don't care about either one of them. Whatever it is, whatever kind of domestic, whatever you got going on, have had it. Everyone, kill each other. No problems. The problem is, is, you know, you're walking down the street, you're at the ATM, some guy runs up, puts a piece of broken glass on your jugular, and once the 80 bucks that's in there kidnaps you, and then you get the ATM money out 400 bucks at a time for the next two weeks until your account is dry. But that stuff is only done by crazed, desperate people, and you have to need drugs or behind drugs to act that way. You really do, because otherwise if you think about it, that's no crime. You don't do it. You know what I mean? You rob a train or something. You don't go running up to an ATM at 4.30 in the morning with a sharp stick and try to rob somebody.

21:55 Drew You put on body armor and you'll rob a bag, right?

21:57 Adam Right, yeah, you don't yank CD players out of cars, you don't carjack people, you don't... All that like really brutally violent, desperate kind of stuff, that really random desperate stuff, it's all I need a hit of whatever. Because other than that, you're like... Other crimes involve tunneling. And I don't mind those crimes. I really don't. Okay. We'll take a break and we'll tell John what to do on the outside after this.

22:26 Caller Loveline's phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191. With Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew, we'll be right back.

22:41 Caller It's not hard to swallow. We've got a frog in our throat.

22:46 Drew Lick it up.

22:47 Caller It's Loveline.

22:56 Adam Hey, it's the Loveline. Drew's just hanging up with one of his patients. It's bad, by the way, when you can hear people talking over the phone and you're not the one who's on the phone with him.

23:09 Drew What's that mean?

23:11 Adam It means either you're not holding the phone up close enough to your ear or they're way too goddamn loud. I think it may be the, the ladder on that one.

23:20 Drew That's when you don't hold your phone, the phone's so close to your ear, right?

23:22 Adam Well, that's true, too. It's right. Interesting. All right. That is Drew. I'm Adam. This is Loveline, phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. And when we left off, we were speaking to John. John was a speed freak who tried to rob somebody, got busted, spent three years in jail. He's now out. And...

23:43 Caller I did successfully rob them. I got snitched on by the person who put me up to it.

23:47 Adam Oh, okay.

23:48 Caller So I am a thief, but I'm a rather good one.

23:50 Adam All right. So what are you gonna do now that you're out?

23:53 Caller Well, no, I'm a welder now.

23:54 Caller I got trained when I was in prison, so I'm a sir welder. I make about 26 bucks an hour.

23:59 Adam I know. Son of a bitch. I know, 26 bucks an hour. And you're 20...

24:04 Caller The one that's coming back and doing it again, you know?

24:06 Adam Yeah, no kidding.

24:07 Caller But...

24:08 Caller I know.

24:09 They're trying to cut it.

24:10 Adam Oh, you mean they're trying to cut that out of the prison?

24:12 Caller Yeah, it cost $8 million from the run for every prison in the entire state of Minnesota to run all the vocational program, you know, painting, drywall, everything, right?

24:22 Adam Yeah.

24:23 Caller And now they say it's not worth it because it doesn't keep enough people from reoffending even though 13% of the, you know, the prison population that goes to this doesn't reoffend.

24:32 Adam But, you know, I really think they ought to implement this stuff around junior high or high school. Why, you know, why have you just coast through junior high, high school? You get no, you have no skills, you have no trade, you get out of high school, you kick around, you go to junior college for a semester, then you start hanging around with people, you start smoking crack, then you rob someone, then you go to prison, then five years later you come out and you're well there. Now you're ready to go to work. I mean, you could have done that at 18.

25:00 Caller Didn't you go to a trade high school there?

25:02 Adam No, I went to a regular high school, I didn't learn anything.

25:05 Caller Oh well.

25:06 Adam Yeah, I didn't have the luxury of going to prison to learn a trade. I had to learn a trade on the outside.

25:12 Caller What, carpet cleaning?

25:13 Adam Yeah, well, no, no, it was carpentry. I just did carpet cleaning when I got out of high school. That was a bad job though, I wouldn't consider that a trade. But anyway, I never did make 26 bucks an hour though.

25:24 Caller Yeah, well, you got a specialty in tig.

25:27 Adam I wasn't. Will you do tig welding?

25:29 Caller Tig welding, mig, submerged, whatever, laser.

25:32 Adam That's good. All that tax money going to help John Feather's nest. All right, so you're not going back to prison, right?

25:41 Caller No.

25:42 Adam All right.

25:43 Drew Are you doing speed again?

25:44 Caller What's that?

25:44 Drew You're doing speed or pot?

25:45 Caller No, that actually pisses my parole officer off, so I've kind of stayed away from it.

25:49 Adam That's good. You get drug checks?

25:51 Caller What's that?

25:54 Adam Right. Hey, John, I know you've been in prison for a while.

26:01 Caller I'm sorry already.

26:02 Caller I said I'm sorry.

26:03 Adam Oh, boy.

26:04 What do you want from me?

26:05 Drew What do we want from you?

26:06 Adam You are annoying. He's calling to try to figure out how to talk to women.

26:11 Caller What do we want from you?

26:12 Come on.

26:13 Adam I want you to shut up.

26:15 Drew The minimum that's necessary to talk on a radio. That's all we want from you.

26:20 I'm talking on the radio.

26:22 All right. Come on now.

26:23 Adam Okay. Now, John, listen. I was going to say just relax and be yourself, but I'm going to scratch that plan. Act like somebody else when you're talking to women. Just don't be in such a big rush. Just relax. Don't push too hard. I wouldn't work the whole paroled, felon thing into the first date. And you know, you're a smart guy. You got a good sense of humor. You know how to talk. Just charm them. Pretend like you're trying to get a carton of cigarettes off them. Know what I'm saying? Just don't push too hard. Hey, but listen, if you're in jail for three years and you just got out, there's going to be a little transition. You know what I mean? I mean, it may not be that great for the first six months. It may take you a little time. That's okay. Everyone always wants to know why not now? It's like, well, you're in a coma for a year, you want to play some pick up basketball? Well, we wait till the weekend. Can't do it today. Still got the IV in you.

27:27 Drew It's your world. You get to go for it.

27:28 Adam Yeah. Just slow down and relax, everybody. You're not going anywhere. Oh boy. There we go. Jeff? Yeah. You're 18. What's going on?

27:40 Caller Well, okay. Recently, I've had kind of like promiscuous sex on and off all over the place. And recently, I kind of met somebody who I met four years ago, but we never really talked until just recently. And we started talking and like, I don't want to have sex and it's like really nice not to like kind of have that urge.

28:04 Drew Yeah.

28:05 Caller I still have, you know, for the people, for the females that I'm constantly, you know, going out with and having sex with. And I just don't know what to do to like not want to have that, you know, feeling of that urge to go out and have sex.

28:18 Adam You have four girls you're having sex with?

28:21 Caller Well, yeah, on and off, like just.

28:23 Drew Were you raised around a lot of aggression and violence?

28:26 Caller Yeah, I was.

28:27 Drew Yeah.

28:28 Caller I had an abusive stepfather.

28:30 Drew We were talking about this the other night. I was a pre-nance of President Clinton number and how we were saying that when you're raised around that stuff, it gets etched into you and you're gonna act out.

28:38 Adam Yeah.

28:38 Drew In spite of wanting to kind of keep to get another way. It's common.

28:41 Adam Penis becomes a weapon.

28:43 Yeah.

28:44 Adam Right?

28:45 Caller Oh yeah. It's a major...

28:47 Adam How the hell do you, at 18, talk four girls into having sex with you on a sort of rotational basis?

28:54 Caller It's not hard, trust me. It's not hard. Like two of them know about each other and like they're like totally for menage-a-trois, but I'm like, I don't know if that's a whole menage-a-trois thing, but... And like, well the worst thing is like...

29:07 Adam God, they gotta be screwed up.

29:09 Caller Well, see, a little bit to the heck, I'm really scared to like break anything off of it, because I know they're both like major drug addicts, and if I do anything, they're going to be like, they're going to blow my house or something.

29:20 Adam No, they're not. They'll just have sex with some other guy.

29:22 Caller Probably. Well, actually one of them, I was at a party the other day, and they were in a pool the other day. I know she's having sex with another guy.

29:28 Adam Yeah, there's a good chance of that.

29:30 Caller Okay, but the thing is like, okay, I just went to the mountains recently. I came back down and I didn't come back down with my family. I came back down with another girl who I met up there from Palm Springs. I spent a week out in Palm Springs after the whole thing happened out there. And we come back to Palm Springs and it was just like, kind of like I'm addicted to sex.

29:50 Drew That's right.

29:52 Caller Yeah. But like the weird thing is after, like after the whole thing, I feel like I just want to run away and hide. Like I want to.

30:00 Drew Yeah. It triggers a lot of shame and guilt and that sort of thing. And it is an ungratifying or inadequate way to try to deal with some very primitive feelings. And it's not going to work. It's like a compulsion. You have to go do it as a way to try to fix this stuff. And it doesn't work. You feel bad about it. And it compels you to do even more the next time, because you feel more shameful, more guilty, more out of control. I heard a therapist once describe her sex addicts and patients as feeling like they're a piece of ass around which the whole world revolves.

30:32 Adam Yeah. Real low self-esteem. But everyone should kiss their ass anyway because they're so great. Yeah. Yeah. Must be a lot of those folks in this town. And it's really the worst combination in a person. I don't mind, by the way, I don't mind hanging around someone who truly loves themselves and thinks they're the greatest, smartest people alive. Uh, I've met a handful of those people and they're actually nice and they treat people well. They just believe they're geniuses and artists and whatever. But when they truly believe it, I don't mind, I don't mind those people. It's the ones that want you to believe it, but don't believe it themselves. So there's a constant sort of ad campaign going on on their behalf. Like you, Drew. Kelly.

31:18 Drew I don't have one. I'm the piece of it. Feels like a piece of it.

31:21 Caller That's right.

31:22 Adam This is as long as you know it. Kelly, you're 14.

31:26 Caller Yeah. What's going on?

31:28 Caller Okay, about two days ago, I walked in on my father having sex with another woman.

31:33 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

31:36 Caller Really?

31:39 Adam Did you know the woman?

31:41 Caller It's his secretary and she's come over a couple of times for dinner and I'd seen her at the office and stuff, but I don't know if I should tell my stepmother or not. And I'm real conscious.

31:53 Drew What's your stepmother?

31:55 Caller Yeah, my mother died when I was seven from cancer. And so my stepmother has been like a mother to me since then and she's the one that I talk to about, you know, guys and stuff. And I just don't know if I should tell her because my dad's my dad and he'll always be my dad. And I didn't want to betray him like that. But then again, you know, this is probably going to be the only mother I'm ever going to know. I can't do that to her.

32:18 Adam How did you walk in on them?

32:20 Caller I came home early from a friend's house. We were supposed to go to some party and the party got shut down by the cops. And I walked into the door and my brothers were all gone. And I thought my dad was asleep. I went in there to go give him a hug to say goodnight. And I opened up the door and he looked at me and said, holy and I just I freaked out. I started to cry. I was real hysterical. I ran in my room and I just I basically what I did was I grabbed my wrist and I just sat on my bed and my dad. I don't know what happened to his daughter. She I guess she left but he came in there and told me not to say anything to anybody.

33:00 Adam All right. Hold on. First off, Kelly. Yeah. Not only Kelly but all the other Kelly's and folks listening to this program. You cannot say the s-word on the goddamn radio, you idiots. Furthermore, you can't say the f-word. Stop it. Jesus, it drives me insane.

33:25 I'm sorry.

33:27 Adam I'm flattered in one point, Loveline, because they think we're just, they call me at the house and we're just chatting, but you just can't say s and f on the radio.

33:36 Okay.

33:36 Adam I know you rarely hear it.

33:38 Drew Sorry you're yelling at Kelly, not John.

33:40 Adam I should have yelled. I think I called him. He was in prison. There's a lot of rough talk in prison.

33:45 Caller All right.

33:46 Drew Sorry, Kelly, for Adam's behavior.

33:47 Adam No, I'm not. I was yelling at everyone, including you.

33:50 Caller I'm sorry. My cousin's in radio and I should never.

33:53 Adam That's right. You see that? I had a feeling. Okay. So you wanted to hug your dad good night. And this woman was asleep in the bed next to him?

34:02 Caller No, they were going at it.

34:04 Adam And how far into the, I mean, but-

34:08 Caller I just opened up the door and I looked in there and I saw him. I freaked out.

34:13 Adam And did you run over to him or did you slam the door?

34:16 Caller No, I just, I hit the door really quick and I just ran into my room and I sat on my bed. I was crying and I was holding my wrist and freaking out.

34:25 Drew What do you mean you're holding your wrist?

34:27 Caller I slit my wrist about two years ago. And any, just every time I start to cry, I just grab my wrist.

34:33 Adam Well, you know, why did you slit your wrist?

34:37 Caller I was having really bad problems with my stepmother and my brothers and I was having problems with my school. And it was just too much for me to handle. I became bulimic for about six months. And I was hospitalized for a while and I just couldn't handle my house at the time and I didn't care if I did it or not.

34:59 Adam I think, okay, but you love your stepmother, right?

35:03 Caller Yeah, she has been the greatest thing to me the past couple of years.

35:06 Adam Why were you slitting your wrist, though, a couple of years ago with your stepmother?

35:10 Caller Me and my mom used to get in a fight, big fights, fist fights.

35:15 Adam Fist fights?

35:16 Caller Yeah.

35:16 Adam With your mom before she died?

35:18 Caller No, with my stepmother.

35:19 Adam Stepmom.

35:20 Caller Yeah. I didn't accept her when she moved in the house. I didn't accept my stepbrothers. I didn't accept anything. And we'd get into fights. I'd end up picking up something and throwing it at her. And she'd end up throwing stuff at me. And we'd just get into fistfights.

35:34 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

35:36 Drew How did you overcome that?

35:38 Caller One day I just sat down and I told her I couldn't take it anymore. And if she touched me again, I was going to kill her.

35:44 Drew That's when she became the greatest thing in the world for you?

35:47 Caller No. She said, well, you know, if I touch you again, then you're going to be thrown into juvenile hall. And at that point, I couldn't take it anymore. And I just freaked out and I ran into my room and I trashed my room. And I ran into the kitchen and grabbed a butcher knife. And I slept in the kitchen while my mom was taking a shower.

36:03 Drew And so when did she become this great mom and friend?

36:06 Adam What do you mean? It sounds good.

36:08 Drew And how did that happen?

36:09 Caller I was in the hospital and she sat there with me the whole time. And I woke up and I saw her and I just started to cry. And I just, I started to apologize to her until I was sorry. And she just apologized to me ever since then.

36:23 Adam Kelly, how about the Step brothers? They ever try anything?

36:28 Caller Once. And I told them no. And that was about it.

36:33 Adam How old are they?

36:37 Caller I have two 18-year-old twins and the other one is 16.

36:41 Drew Oh my God.

36:43 Adam That's like a recipe for rape. Which one tried something on you?

36:49 Caller One of the twins did.

36:51 Adam Yeah.

36:52 Caller And I told him not to because I would drown him in the pool. Yeah.

36:58 Adam Oh, okay.

36:58 Drew All right.

36:59 Adam Kelly, I'll do a quick assessment of the family. A fair amount of chaos here.

37:05 Caller Yeah. Well, this isn't half of it.

37:06 Drew Yeah.

37:06 Adam I know.

37:07 Drew I know. I know.

37:08 Adam There's a ton going on.

37:09 Drew There was luck when I was mom, too, before she died, I'm sure.

37:12 Caller No, actually, there wasn't. Not to my knowledge. I was little.

37:16 Adam I know. And I know it's important to think that way. But I'll bet you if your dad was there, there was something going on because your dad likes a little chaos.

37:25 Caller Yeah.

37:25 Adam Yeah. All right. Well, listen. All right, Kelly, the family is chaotic. And I know you're very attracted to chaos yourself. You love it, as a matter of fact, you can't live without it. And you're going to bring even more down on yourself. I really would talk to my dad about this. Don't talk to stepmom. I would not say anything about it. I would get my grades up, study hard and hopefully get out of there, try to get out of there, go to college. I know she's young. I know she's got a few more years.

37:54 Drew Get back in touch with that team I was treating here for. Her believe is going to act up and stuff now. She's got to get back in touch with the people that have been training her.

38:01 Adam Really, as far as her telling her stepmom and her bringing it, it might as well just light a grenade off in the living room. You're going to. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

38:12 Drew It'll be just a butcher knife.

38:13 Adam If you want to burn the house down, fine, but you're going to be in it. Yeah. Okay.

38:18 Drew Go talk to the team that's been training you, please.

38:20 Adam Okay.

38:21 Drew Please.

38:21 Adam We'll take a little break. We'll be back.

38:23 I feel so liquidy.

38:41 Caller The radio that keeps you up at night. It's Loveline.

38:46 Adam Adam, that is Drew. And I think we'll go back to the phones here, right? Amber?

38:54 Caller Yeah.

38:54 Adam You're 17. What's that?

38:58 Caller Yeah.

38:59 Drew What's going on?

39:00 Caller See, like, I have like this pus that comes out of the, you know, like my nipple in the hole.

39:04 Drew Pus?

39:05 Caller It's like a lot, whole bunch, you know, it's like every other week.

39:09 Caller Like sometimes it's like clear.

39:10 Drew Amber? That would be called milk.

39:13 Caller No, but see, there's no way I could be pregnant because I'm still a virgin.

39:16 Drew That doesn't matter. You're producing breast milk.

39:19 Caller Oh, even if it's like red?

39:21 Drew It's bloody?

39:22 Caller Even if it's like, yeah.

39:25 Drew Is it tender on the area? It's tender also? And it's just one side or both sides?

39:32 Caller Both.

39:34 Drew Well, it probably is milk. Really? Yeah. And there are a number of endocrine disturbances that can cause that. There are disorder, growth in the pituitary glands, thyroid conditions, medication?

39:49 Caller No.

39:49 Drew Nothing?

39:50 Caller Nope.

39:52 Drew Nothing?

39:52 Caller Nope. Okay.

39:54 Adam How big are your breasts?

39:56 Caller I'm like size C, like 34, something like that.

39:59 Adam That's good. Yeah, right.

40:02 Drew I don't like you Adam, that's nice.

40:03 Adam Why are you still a virgin?

40:05 Caller Because I'm going to stay a virgin till I'm married.

40:07 Drew She's 17.

40:08 Adam All right.

40:09 Drew But you need to see a doctor about this.

40:10 Caller Really?

40:11 Drew Yeah. And if it's bloody, then that's something that needs to be looked at a little more carefully. Yeah.

40:16 Caller It's not like all the time bloody. It's just like sometimes, but it's like, like, whoa.

40:21 Drew Yeah.

40:22 Caller It's kind of scary because I didn't think you'd get milk until you were pregnant.

40:25 Drew Again, thyroid conditions, prolactinomas, various things can do this. You got to get it checked out.

40:30 Adam Mark.

40:31 Yeah.

40:31 Adam You're 18.

40:32 Caller Yeah.

40:33 Adam What's going on?

40:34 Caller Well, like, my uncle just moved in with me and, you know, he was moving his stuff around and he was like, you know, he has like some porn, right? But he was putting in another bag and he had a, like a photo album type thing.

40:50 Adam Yeah.

40:50 Caller Like I was looking in it and I was flipping through it and had like naked women, but like it has little girl's heads put on them.

41:01 Drew What?

41:02 Caller And so, I mean, and so I tried to talk to him about it.

41:04 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

41:07 Drew Like he cut the pictures out and put them on top. Yeah.

41:10 Caller But like, like I tried to talk to him about it. And like the only thing he would, I mean, he got to the point to where he told me he has like a, a thing for little girls. And so, I mean, how old is your uncle? He's 19. He was adopted by my grandmother.

41:28 Drew Oh, boy.

41:30 Adam Hold on a second. Adopted by your grandmother. So that means probably that he was not just adopted from an adoption agency, but that it was sort of within the family.

41:41 Caller No, he was adopted. I don't, I think his real mother, you know, was like, it was like kind of adoption where she handed it to him, but she wasn't in our family. So you, I don't know what she was. She was, I think she was supposed to be on drug or something.

41:58 Adam Your grandmother just adopted an infant child.

42:03 Caller Well, she has, she has like three adoptions, but the third, she, what happened was the third adoption.

42:09 Adam There's always some confusion.

42:11 Caller There were three of them that she adopted. Pam, John and Beth.

42:17 Adam Beth, okay. But Mark.

42:20 Caller Yeah.

42:20 Adam So your grandmother just adopted him. Just adopted.

42:24 Drew Just adopted lots of kids.

42:25 Adam Just adopted lots of kids.

42:26 Caller Yeah. But their Pam, she had molested him. Until like, I'm pretty much sure that's what brought it on.

42:36 Caller Yeah.

42:36 Adam Pam molested him.

42:37 Caller Yeah.

42:38 Caller Yeah. And so they kicked Pam out.

42:40 Adam How much older is Pam?

42:42 Caller I'm not sure how old she was.

42:44 Drew How old was he when this happened?

42:46 Caller He was little about, I think he was like 8, 10, somewhere around there.

42:49 Drew Okay. Well, that's where some of this is coming from.

42:51 Adam How'd they kick Pam out, by the way?

42:53 Caller Well, she got moved into another family.

42:56 Adam So these are foster children.

43:00 Drew Are you going to ultimately adopt your foster children?

43:02 Adam Okay. Mark doesn't sweat the details with the family.

43:08 Caller But, like, I mean, like when I found it, I was like, I didn't know what to do. And then like every time I try and talk to him, like he gets like pretty mad and he doesn't want to talk about it.

43:20 Adam Why don't you not talk to him about it?

43:23 Drew What's he going to say?

43:25 Caller I mean, I don't know.

43:28 Adam Yeah, how does that conversation go? Hey, Mark, Mark, hold on. Let's talk about you, brother. What is up with you?

43:38 Caller What's up with me? Oh, I don't like little kids.

43:40 Adam That's good.

43:42 Caller I'm straight.

43:43 Adam You out of high school?

43:44 Caller Yeah, I just graduated.

43:45 Adam Where are you working?

43:47 Caller I work at Fast Food.

43:49 Adam Fast Food?

43:52 Drew What the hell was that?

43:55 Adam Possum in the house? No. Okay.

43:58 Caller You all right?

43:59 Adam You working?

44:00 Caller Yeah.

44:01 Adam Okay. Keep an eye on the guy, but don't talk to him about it.

44:05 Drew Don't let him be alone with little kids, all right? That's the important thing, period. Oh boy.

44:12 Adam Wow. Mark was a...

44:15 Drew Piece of work.

44:16 Adam He was a younger-sounding 18-year-old, wasn't he?

44:19 Drew Yeah.

44:19 Adam Okay. Makes you not want to travel, doesn't it?

44:24 Drew Through the country, you mean?

44:25 Adam Should go back to my house, turn the TV on. Put on like the, you know, put it on E, watch the big busted boat tour that they're covering. I swear to God that he's just nothing but TNA. I watched the making of the Miami Dolphins cheerleading calendar.

44:43 Drew I'm proud of you.

44:43 Adam And that's great. Like Guyana or something, unless it was nothing. Nice use of time. But it's great because it's all just good journalism. That's what I love about that E.

44:52 Caller All right.

44:54 Adam We'll take a little break. When we come back, what are we gonna talk to you, Drew? Where are you going? We'll find out. Five? Hepatitis. No. All right. We're gonna have a real good question when we come back.

45:14 Caller The phone number for Loveline is 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1. Loveline will be right back.

45:30 Caller We're the G-spot on your radio dial.

45:33 Caller Oh, you're right there.

45:34 Caller Loveline on 1027.

45:37 Caller W-E-B-N, Cincinnati.

45:44 Adam Hey, it's Loveline. We'll take a quick 10-second timeout, then we'll be back with more of the fabulous show in just 10 seconds.

45:59 Caller This is Loveline on Radio Station.

46:13 Adam All right, we are back, and we're going straight back to the phones. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191, and we'll speak to Ray. Ray's 21, Ray. Hello. Hey.

46:25 Caller Hey, I have a question for you guys. Okay, I've been having sex with my girlfriend since like September, and I got a pregnant in March, and then in April, she had an abortion. And ever since then, when we have sex, especially, it's really only rear entry, like the doggie style, it hurts sometimes. And I can feel it.

46:47 Caller Actually, I hit something inside her.

46:49 Caller I don't know what it is, but it was never there before.

46:52 Drew Well, has she gone back to have an examination?

46:56 Caller No, that's the thing.

46:57 Caller She has like no insurance right now.

46:59 Drew Planned Parenthood.

47:00 Caller What?

47:01 Drew Planned Parenthood.

47:02 Planned Parenthood?

47:03 Caller Didn't check her out for that? That's where she had the abortion done, through.

47:07 Drew Okay. What's wrong with going back there?

47:10 Yeah.

47:11 Caller She's saying, I have no insurance.

47:14 I can't afford it. Like our parents don't have any insurance for her right now.

47:17 Adam Yeah.

47:18 Drew Planned Parenthood is usually essentially free. Or go to a county facility. There's no way where I can tell you what's going on. Somebody needs to examine her and see what's going on. There may be some infection in the line of the uterus. There may be some retained material from that pregnancy. There might be an infection in the tubes. It could affect her fertility. There could be an STD. It could be lots of things.

47:36 Caller It could be a lot of things.

47:37 Drew But it needs to be evaluated and treated.

47:40 Caller Yeah.

47:41 Adam And it's probably only during the doggy because that's God punishing you.

47:47 Caller Every so often when she's on top, too.

47:49 Adam Yeah, well, I think.

47:50 Caller I can feel it myself.

47:51 Caller I know every time it happens.

47:52 Drew I think it's when you hit her cervix.

47:54 Adam Deeper penetration, probably.

47:57 Caller Yeah.

47:57 Drew But be that as it may, that shouldn't be a tender thing, necessarily. So especially since it wasn't in the past.

48:02 Caller Yeah, it wasn't before this, no.

48:04 Drew You gotta get it checked out.

48:05 Caller Oh, yeah.

48:06 Adam Okay.

48:07 Caller All right.

48:07 Adam Well, just listen. Go to Planned Parenthood and they'll do it, and they'll charge you like 50 bucks or something.

48:13 Caller If that.

48:13 Adam If that.

48:15 Caller All right.

48:16 Adam Okay?

48:17 Caller Okay.

48:17 Adam All right, don't get her pregnant again.

48:19 Caller Yeah, believe me, I'll try not to.

48:21 Adam What are you doing?

48:22 Oh, she's on the pill, actually.

48:23 Caller Okay.

48:25 Adam That's good.

48:26 Drew All right, Ray.

48:27 Adam Good luck.

48:28 Drew People are so weird about going to physicians. I mean, a visit to the doctor's office costs about a month, as much as one month of the pill. Pack of the pill.

48:36 Adam A visit to the doctor's office?

48:38 Drew It's like 35 bucks.

48:40 Adam Yeah, but let me speak for the disenfranchised for a second because I was always one myself up until recently when I became royalty. But I mean, you know, I went through my whole life with no insurance and all that stuff. Even as a kid, I used to go to, you know, County USC and clinics and stuff like that. And here's what happens. You don't have a doctor. You're not really familiar with the system and you don't know what to do. I mean, you just don't you don't have this instinct of, oh, hey, I'll just walk in here and get myself some free help. You think I don't have any money. And you look at the medical profession is just like you look at any other business. Your thing is, is like, I'm not walking into movie theaters because I'm poor and watching them for free. And I'm not walking into plumbing supply places and taking a toilet home with me because I don't have any money and I'm getting it for free. You just you don't think in terms of walking into places and getting free stuff. And you don't have anybody. You don't know anybody. And so your instinct is just to sort of write it out. You don't have that. And then once in a while, when things get really hairy, one of your buddies takes you down to the county and you sit there for nine hours. But that's only in a sort of worst case scenario. But you don't think in terms of calling doctors and doing stuff. I mean, I've had insurance for like five years now and haven't really been to the doctor. Never called anybody. I don't even know who my doctor is. You just kind of get out of you don't really get in the habit of doing it. And if you grow up in a kind of environment where you're not used to doing it or your folks didn't have a physician or whatever, it's just it's not part of your day. You don't think you don't think about it.

50:25 Drew It shouldn't be.

50:26 Adam Right. And I don't know that those places necessarily want you to know, you know, come one, come all. Right. You know, because I think they're they're pretty overwhelmed as it is.

50:36 Drew That's true.

50:36 Adam They don't mind you staying home. That'd be my motto if I had like a free clinic, stay home and rot.

50:43 Drew Stay home and enjoy.

50:44 Adam That'd be my motto. Yeah. Wait a minute.

50:46 Drew That's it.

50:47 Adam Oh, really? Joe?

50:49 Caller Hey, how you doing?

50:49 Adam You're 26.

50:50 Caller Yes.

50:51 Adam What's going on?

50:52 Caller Well, I'll start at the beginning. About a month ago, my girlfriend had mono and she was tested several times with her blood tests and stuff. And they kept having abnormal liver functions, which I guess is pretty common with mono. Recently, she hasn't had mono for about a month or so. She's still having abnormal liver functions. And we've been dating about three months or so. And we both decide that we'd both get tested for STDs and HIV and that sort of thing. And I've come back with abnormal liver functions as well. And the doctor, I haven't, my doctor didn't know that much but he thought that I might have hepatitis. And her doctor has said the same thing at one point as well. And so I'm not sure, I don't know anything about hepatitis.

51:36 Drew Why didn't you ask your doctor?

51:38 Caller I just got a, unfortunately, I just got a message from him today. So I don't, I didn't have a chance.

51:42 Drew Hepatitis just means inflammation of the liver.

51:45 Caller Okay.

51:45 Adam It does?

51:46 Drew That's what that means.

51:47 Adam So, but when someone says you may have hepatitis.

51:50 Drew They're usually talking about viral hepatitis. Yeah. Which is a viral inflammation of the liver. Right. Right. And which viral hepatitis is probably hepatitis, your hepatitis.

52:00 Adam Can you have inflammation of the liver without having a viral hepatitis?

52:04 Drew Oh yeah, there's all kinds of things.

52:06 Adam Okay, so in that case, wouldn't he just call it inflammation of the liver or...

52:11 Drew No, we call it hepatitis.

52:13 Adam Or a hepatitis or something like that. You wouldn't, hold on, you wouldn't do your best to try to draw a difference between having a viral hepatitis and having an inflamed liver.

52:29 Drew You might say alcoholic hepatitis, you might say a drug reaction causing liver enzyme elevation, that kind of thing.

52:35 Adam Yeah, but maybe they don't know.

52:37 Drew Well, they don't know because it's not been tested. They're just finding inflammation. That's all they've found so far. And it's curious that they both have, but that's what brings up the question of viral hepatitis. And again, hepatitis B and hepatitis Bc are the culprits in sexually transmitted hepatitis.

52:49 Caller So if we have hepatitis, what's the prognosis?

52:53 Drew What, it depends what time.

52:55 Caller What is your, how does your lifestyle change? Or how does your?

52:57 Drew Nothing changes. It depends what type. Again, there's the, and depends whether it's chronic or acute or subacute, what's going on here. There's so many different possibilities. You need to get a diagnosis is what you need. And then you can talk about what the situation.

53:09 Adam How do you test for inflammation of the liver?

53:12 Drew Just a simple blood test of the liver, a couple of liver enzymes.

53:15 Adam And it'll tell you whether it's swollen up?

53:17 Drew When the liver gets inflamed, those enzymes start getting released into the blood.

53:21 Adam Oh, yeah, that's good. Julia. All right, so Joe's got to go to the doctor and talk to him.

53:27 Drew He needs to get a diagnosis. They both do.

53:29 Adam Okay, Julia.

53:30 Drew Yeah.

53:30 Adam You're 26.

53:30 Drew He needs hepatitis B vaccine if he's not had that.

53:34 Adam Yeah, the one you've been saying, you're gonna give me for the last three years.

53:36 Drew You've not had it? What?

53:39 Adam Didn't I just give you a speech about doctors?

53:41 Drew What?

53:42 Adam I don't know doctors. Hey, you're the only doctor I know. I don't have a doctor.

53:46 Drew All you gotta do is call my office and ask for the prescription for the vaccine.

53:50 Adam I will get it. I will order for you. I'm very busy.

53:52 Drew I'll bring it in here and I'll give it to you.

53:54 Adam I had a bad experience with you in a needle in here before. Julia.

53:58 Drew You're PTSD since that.

54:00 Adam Right. You're 26. Correct. What's going on? Why do I need a hepatitis vaccine?

54:06 Drew You're around a lot of seedy characters.

54:08 Adam That's true.

54:08 Drew You and Jimmy are thinking of moving to a risk category.

54:11 Adam That's right. We're going gay. That's right. Don't talk about that. I wanted to be surprised for her. Julia.

54:16 Drew Yes. All right.

54:17 Adam So what's happening?

54:19 I've been dating this guy for like seven months. He's 29 and when we had sex for the first time, that was his first time ever having sex and I just found out a couple weeks ago that not only was that the first time he had sex but he had only kissed one girl before he kissed me and that was his whole sexual history.

54:38 Drew What's up with him?

54:39 I don't know. He's not like socially inept. He doesn't look like a freak or anything like that. I mean he appears to be normal. I just I've never come across anything like this before.

54:52 Drew Why is it an issue for you now?

54:54 Because he kind of freaked out and is like oh I can't take the seriousness of this relationship and it really I mean I guess it was serious in the sense that it was sexual but it wasn't that intense and I guess I kind of feel like his first time was a bigger deal to me than it was to him and I just started thinking about it.

55:14 Drew Bigger deal to you than it was to him.

55:16 In the sense that like I thought this is really cool. This guy must really be into me if he's going to share something like this with me and he hasn't done it for 29 years. And I thought it was a big deal to him.

55:27 Drew It's such a big deal with him. He can't handle it.

55:31 Adam Is he religious?

55:32 No. I mean nothing really strange like that. There were no religious reasons or social reasons or anything like that. And I just thought it's just so strange.

55:41 Adam Yeah. Well listen, where there's a smoke, there's fire.

55:45 Drew There's a reason.

55:45 Adam Believe you me, if it wasn't because of religion, this guy's really in trouble.

55:50 Really?

55:51 Adam Oh yeah. He's got issues. He's got some serious issues.

55:56 What do you think?

55:57 Drew His mom died when he was three or something?

55:58 No, no. I mean, no.

56:02 Adam Where's his mom?

56:04 They live in the same city and they're, I mean, a relatively normal relationship, I would say.

56:09 Adam What does he do for a living?

56:11 He is an accountant.

56:14 Adam And really, I know you're attracted to him, but does he, you know, is he kind of goofy to all the other chicks?

56:21 No, no, he's dated a lot. I think, I don't know if it's maybe just a self-esteem issue or something.

56:27 Adam How was he in the sack?

56:29 I honestly, I would have never known he was a virgin if he didn't tell me.

56:33 Adam Well, let's try using that line.

56:35 Drew Maybe it wasn't.

56:37 Adam It worked. Did he tell you that before you slept together?

56:41 Yeah.

56:41 Adam Oh, that's good.

56:42 Yeah.

56:43 Adam That's golden.

56:44 Yeah.

56:44 Adam Yeah, that really got you going, right?

56:46 Yeah. Yeah. But I never would have known.

56:52 Drew Mental note.

56:52 Adam Mental note. Tell chicks I'm a virgin.

56:56 Drew Tell your wife.

56:57 Adam Yeah. All right. What is this? So you slept with the guy. He was pretty good.

57:03 Right.

57:04 Adam Then when did he start freaking out?

57:05 Probably about three weeks ago. He just wigged and he's like, I can't handle the intensity of the relationship.

57:11 Adam Okay. That was about three weeks ago.

57:13 Right.

57:13 Adam And you slept together a year and a half before that?

57:17 No, like six months.

57:19 Drew Six months ago?

57:20 Right. Right. I mean, we'd continuously been having a sexual relationship for six months. Even since he wigged about the relationship deal, we still had sex a couple of times since then.

57:30 Drew You guys always wig about that.

57:32 Adam Sounds like he may be. All right. So what do you want to do?

57:35 I don't know.

57:36 Adam Is he calling you and stuff?

57:37 Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely. I mean, we're still attempting to have some sort of friendship, but it just seems so juvenile. I mean, this is stuff that seems like it happens to people when they're in high school, not when they're 30 years old.

57:51 Drew Did you say that to him?

57:52 Yeah. Oh, yeah. And he admits, he's like, well, I'm not very experienced. Maybe I don't know how to handle a girlfriend, but I mean, he's a good guy. And that's the thing that's hard about it. You can't say, oh, you're such a jerk. And you know, I don't know.

58:06 Adam Well, why don't we talk to him?

58:08 He's not here, but.

58:10 Adam Well, let's call him up. Get to the bottom of this.

58:14 I don't know, I guess we could.

58:16 Adam Yeah, I think we should. I really do. We'll get to the bottom of this. There's no problem.

58:21 Drew There's nowhere to go other than to the source.

58:23 Adam Yeah, that's true. All right, Lisa. I'm trying to get this guy's phone number.

58:30 Drew Oh, yeah, Lisa. I see.

58:31 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, the reason he's acting like he's in high schools because he's probably, emotionally, at least in terms of relationships, that's about where he's at.

58:43 Drew And if he's the heir in relationships, he's there overall.

58:48 Adam Most likely, yes. John?

58:50 Caller Yeah.

58:50 Adam You're 16. Yeah. What's going on?

58:53 Caller Well, my, well, here's the deal. I think, well, I know that I'm gay.

59:02 All right.

59:05 Caller But I don't know why. And I think it's because my mom is a lesbian.

59:14 Drew I know no correlation in all that.

59:18 Caller Okay. And well, I'm kind of wondering why I am. If there's anything I can do about it.

59:23 Adam Why do you want to do something about it?

59:25 Caller Well, because I just don't feel comfortable.

59:27 Adam You don't like it? How long has your mom been lesbian?

59:32 Caller Well, like she's been with this woman since I was born.

59:36 Adam Since you were born?

59:36 Drew When did you find out?

59:37 Caller I mean, actually a year after.

59:39 Drew When did you find out you were gay? When did you figure that out?

59:43 Caller About like a year and a half ago.

59:46 Drew And have you had a sexual experience with men?

59:49 Caller Yeah, one time.

59:50 Drew How old were you?

59:54 Caller About 14, something like that.

59:57 Adam Go with 12.

59:58 Drew Yeah, how old were you? Give us the age straight. How old were you?

1:00:02 Caller Alright, probably 12.

1:00:04 Adam How old was the guy?

1:00:06 Caller Same age.

1:00:07 Drew Is it possible that that was an abuse by a child on a child?

1:00:13 Caller Yeah.

1:00:14 Adam One time?

1:00:15 Caller No.

1:00:16 Adam How many times?

1:00:18 Caller About three.

1:00:19 Caller Yeah.

1:00:20 Adam What did you do?

1:00:25 Caller A lot.

1:00:26 Caller Yeah.

1:00:27 Adam Alright, let me talk to Drew for a second here.

1:00:29 Caller Yeah.

1:00:31 Drew A little old would be sort of have a dash.

1:00:34 Adam And I don't... He came back for a second, you know, I was going to say second, second hell thing. I don't think that's going to make him gay. I really don't. I really don't.

1:00:46 Drew But it also suggests something was already going on with him, a 12 year old really getting going.

1:00:50 Adam Yeah, on the other... Okay, but let's look at it this way. If you're a... many a straight guy has had a run in at 12 physically with another woman, albeit it's a young age with a woman, but there's been some hanky panky, some screwing around.

1:01:09 Drew Yeah, but usually you look at that and you think, what's going on with that guy? What's going on with both of them? Well... Something's up.

1:01:13 Adam I don't know. I mean, like, what are you, are you in the sixth grade when you're 12, seventh grade? Seventh grade? I remember when I was in the seventh grade, there were some guys that had some girlfriends, some stuff was going on. I don't, not talking about sodomy, but...

1:01:27 Drew And how long will those guys get out of jail?

1:01:29 Adam Hey, true.

1:01:31 Drew Right?

1:01:31 Adam No, no, no, no. Listen, I gotta make something clear to you. And I really, I think you don't understand this because of where you grew up or who you grew up around or something, but regular folks, just, you know, white trash types, you know, like poor people and stuff. By the seventh grade, there's some stuff going on. There's some fairly serious stuff going on.

1:01:53 Drew I agree. But look at where those guys ended up.

1:01:56 Adam No, I mean, just regular guys.

1:01:58 Drew Seriously.

1:01:58 Adam No, I mean it.

1:02:00 Drew They may be nice guys, they may be friends, but think about where they ended up.

1:02:04 Adam Where? You mean like in jail or in rehab or something? No.

1:02:08 Drew None of those.

1:02:08 Adam No, just regular guys. All right. In the seventh grade, I knew guys in like junior high and seventh grade had girlfriends, were getting a third base and all that kind of stuff. And there's a lot of stuff going on. And-

1:02:21 Drew This is not third base, this is hardcore.

1:02:23 Adam Well, this may be a little bit different, but Anne, are you with me here?

1:02:29 Drew No, I have no problem with third base. I agree with you on that, but people are engaging in rigorous sexual relationships.

1:02:35 Adam Yeah, well, I don't know if this was rigorous sexual. Well, I'm saying it may have been the guy on guy equivalent to what I'm talking about. Well, let's find out here though. How rigorous was this sexual encounter, John?

1:02:52 Caller Pretty rigorous.

1:02:53 Adam Yeah?

1:02:54 Caller Yeah.

1:02:54 Adam Like sodomy?

1:02:58 Caller Whatever that means.

1:02:59 Adam Butt love?

1:03:00 Caller No, none of that.

1:03:01 Adam Listen, hey John?

1:03:03 Caller Yeah.

1:03:03 Adam If you're gonna be gay, you gotta look into the sodomy thing.

1:03:07 Drew Hey, just to press you?

1:03:08 Adam You gotta know the definitions. Because you're gonna be in some bar and some guy's gonna go, how about some nice sodomy? And you're gonna go, yeah, all right, put me down for that. That sounds good.

1:03:19 Caller Yeah, but see, the thing is is that, I mean, I wish I wasn't. I mean, like-

1:03:24 Drew Right, we got that.

1:03:25 Adam We got that. Okay.

1:03:26 Drew But there's nothing with your mom being gay per se. It may have something with your mom as a person.

1:03:31 Adam Where's your dad?

1:03:33 Caller Well, he's in another state, Alabama.

1:03:35 Adam Was he around when you were growing up?

1:03:37 Caller No.

1:03:38 Adam So you're raised by your mother and her partner?

1:03:41 Caller Yeah.

1:03:42 Adam How'd you get along with her partner?

1:03:44 Caller Not well. Arguments, fighting. How come? Because I wasn't, I didn't like it. I mean, I just, I knew what was going on. Right. I was like, I was pretty young, you know.

1:03:57 Drew So you wanted to, you felt bad about not having a dad?

1:04:00 Caller Yeah, that and the fact that my mom was a lesbian and- Yeah.

1:04:06 Adam It's weird. As a kid, all you want to do is fit in. You just, you don't want different. You really don't. And the fact that your mom is a lesbian and, you know, you're embarrassed, right? You got this open house at school and she's showing up with some chick with short cropped hairs, chewing red man and, you know, firing up some of the some of the tools in the shop class and everything. It's embarrassing, right?

1:04:34 Caller Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.

1:04:36 Adam All right, well, listen, John, yeah, maybe you're gay. Maybe you're not gay. And don't worry about it.

1:04:41 Drew You're confused right now.

1:04:42 Adam Just relax, take a little libido break. Don't do anything for six months. See how you feel.

1:04:48 Drew All right.

1:04:49 Adam And if you're gay, fine.

1:04:51 Drew I think I think you're gonna be confused for a while. I really do.

1:04:54 Caller Okay. Well, here's one more thing. I have a girlfriend too.

1:04:58 Drew See, that's what I figured.

1:05:01 Caller Should I like forget about that for now?

1:05:02 Adam Well, if you're...

1:05:03 Drew Yeah, to be fair to her.

1:05:04 Adam Yeah, if you're not interested.

1:05:05 Drew Yeah, you don't know what you want right now. And if you... You'd be a great case for getting some professional help. They would help you sort some of this stuff out. You may end up gay, but at least you'd be able to feel good about it.

1:05:16 Adam Yeah.

1:05:17 Drew And you may not. Yeah.

1:05:18 Adam Well, listen, I know there's a lot of you crackbots out there who do that. But you know, I always hear this argument on the radio. Once in a while when people are up there and they're talking about, listen, it doesn't matter if your parents are gay or straight. The fact is that they, you know, if they love you, they love you. They always kind of work that argument. And the reality is, is it's much better to have two straight parents that live at home than is to have one lesbian mom with her partner.

1:05:47 Drew It's much better to have a healthy gay couple than our usual heterosexual couples.

1:05:53 Adam I understand that, but that's a retarded argument because when you make an argument like this, it's an everything being equal argument. I mean, of course, there's gay couples that are better people than heterosexual couples. And of course, there's heterosexual couples that are better than any given gay couple. It's just all things being equal. It's weird being raised by a lesbian couple. And I could see that screwing with a guy's psyche a little bit. Think about that. I mean, so much of growing up for a guy is that sort of, you know, dad's influence and that sort of masculine whatever. That's gotta be weird. It really does.

1:06:39 Drew How about this? If a gay couple wants to adopt or have a kid, want to have a lesbian couple and a gay couple, a male couple get together and have adopted two at a time.

1:06:52 Adam Right. And have like a big four or some family. Yeah. I don't know. I don't trust the gays that much, though. I know a lot of them are screwed up. That's why they're gay.

1:07:03 Drew A lot of the heteros are screwed up, too.

1:07:05 Adam Well, that's true. I don't want any of them having kids. All right. I don't know. I can't figure it out. The gays are good, but they should stay on their own. That's what I feel. You know, recycle. That kind of stuff. Open up a business.

1:07:16 Drew Why don't you just try it for a while? Why don't you just be gay for a while?

1:07:19 Adam I'm working on it.

1:07:20 Drew No, I know you're trying.

1:07:20 Adam I really am.

1:07:21 Drew But really, you should just get it. And I think you'll speak a little more kindly.

1:07:25 Adam Listen, I don't mind gay folk. I like gay folk.

1:07:29 Drew Yeah, but you sound like a bigoted guy from the south talking about African Americans.

1:07:35 Adam I don't want the black set out either. Here's my feeling. I'm glad you brought that up. Here's my feeling, though, with the gays. If you want to go gay, that's fine. I think it's good. I think it's a good choice. Maybe a better life. But I think there's certain things you give up. One of them may be a family. That's all. Fine. It's all right. Yeah.

1:07:56 Drew Yeah, but you have all kinds of other rules for all sorts of people to give up the family, right?

1:08:00 Adam Yeah.

1:08:00 Drew Yeah.

1:08:00 Adam Yeah. Not just the gays. Julia. You're 26.

1:08:04 Drew No, no. Julia won't give us her number.

1:08:05 Adam Oh, we're going to talk to her.

1:08:06 Drew She won't give us her boyfriend's phone number.

1:08:07 Adam That's right. She had The Virgin. Right. The guy was 29.

1:08:10 Drew We're not going to talk to him.

1:08:11 Adam Okay. Hey, Julia.

1:08:13 Drew We can't help.

1:08:13 Yeah.

1:08:14 Adam Here's what you need to do.

1:08:15 Okay.

1:08:16 Adam Just back off a little bit. See what he does.

1:08:19 Okay.

1:08:19 Adam Play a little hard to get.

1:08:21 Okay.

1:08:21 Adam Can you do that?

1:08:22 Oh, yeah. I can do that.

1:08:23 Adam You can?

1:08:24 Yeah.

1:08:24 Adam Listen. Here's what you got on this guy.

1:08:26 Drew A 17-year-old.

1:08:28 Adam This guy is a mentality of a 15-year-old. Yeah. Dennis the Menace.

1:08:33 Drew I watch Big Tonight with my kids. It reminds me of that.

1:08:36 Adam Yeah. You should be able to jack him around a little bit.

1:08:39 Right.

1:08:40 Adam Chicks are smarter than guys. They have greater willpower because they don't need as much sex. And just hold out a little bit. Play a little hard to get. Okay. Can you do that? Yeah.

1:08:50 I'll try that.

1:08:50 Adam All right. You should have no problem with him because he has no savvy at all when it comes to women. He's a 29-year-old virgin.

1:08:58 All right.

1:08:59 Adam Who are we going to talk to when we come back, Drew?

1:09:02 Drew I was thinking that there is a... Yeah?

1:09:05 Adam Okay. Crystal? Crystal? Crystal?

1:09:09 Yes.

1:09:10 Adam You're 21?

1:09:11 Caller Yes.

1:09:11 Adam Your boyfriend has an orgasm in two seconds?

1:09:16 Caller Yeah. Probably even less sometimes.

1:09:18 Adam Less?

1:09:20 Caller Like one second, and he does.

1:09:23 Adam One second. That's... All right. Hold on. Hold on. That's bad, by the way, when, you know, your girlfriend says, you're coming in two seconds, and she's being generous. I'm rounding up.

1:09:35 Drew She's trying to think of units of time.

1:09:37 Adam Give me the benefit of the doubt. Yeah. They haven't really made an instrument that can measure that time. So we're just going to use... We're going to speak in terms that people can understand. And we'll round up. Okay. We'll take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll get to Crystal and tell her what to do with her boyfriend after this.

1:10:09 Caller They're not keeping you up, are we?

1:10:11 Caller I'm pitching a tent.

1:10:12 Caller Oh, that's good. It's Loveline.

1:10:25 Adam It is the Loveline, and we're just coasting through a cozy Thursday night here in the fabulous Westwood One dump. Now, we're going to go back to the phones and speak to Crystal. Crystal?

1:10:39 Caller Yep.

1:10:39 Adam All right. So, your boyfriend comes in less than two seconds.

1:10:44 Caller Pretty much. It's almost on contact.

1:10:47 Adam When do you start the timer? When he enters you?

1:10:50 Caller Yeah. No, like almost when he just touches me. Yeah.

1:10:54 Adam Okay. When he enters you?

1:10:56 Caller Yeah.

1:10:56 Adam Okay.

1:10:57 Caller Pretty much.

1:10:57 Drew When he begins to enter is what she wants to tell you.

1:10:59 Adam Right.

1:10:59 Drew She's splitting that time interval up into pieces too.

1:11:02 Adam I mean, when his penis sort of breaks the plane of your vagina, that's when you start the timer.

1:11:09 Caller Sure.

1:11:10 Drew And it's less than a second, less than two seconds.

1:11:12 Caller It's about, yeah, like maybe less than two seconds.

1:11:16 Drew Are you calling from Canada?

1:11:18 Caller Victoria, BC.

1:11:20 Adam That's British Columbia, Canada. Nice. Hey, so all those Canadian guys come too fast.

1:11:28 Drew That's where I was going with this.

1:11:30 Caller Thanks, Drew.

1:11:31 Drew I could pick up on that.

1:11:33 Adam Yeah. Yeah, because you're used to screwing moose.

1:11:37 Caller Oh.

1:11:38 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:11:39 Drew It was that a boot that got me there.

1:11:41 Caller Moose up here.

1:11:43 Adam You have no moose there?

1:11:44 Caller I don't think so.

1:11:45 Adam So you're scared. They're scared from all the guys screwing them. That is not a moose. Is that a moose? Is that a moose? Let me hear that.

1:11:59 Drew We need some of our Alaskan callers to tell us that that sounds like a moose. How the hell do we know that's a moose?

1:12:04 Adam I don't know what a moose sounds like. All right, so you want to get them to slow down?

1:12:10 Yes.

1:12:11 Adam What about foreplague? How does that go?

1:12:14 Caller It's gotten to the point where I don't even touch him.

1:12:16 I don't even touch him at all.

1:12:19 Adam It just starts coming out?

1:12:20 Caller Yeah, I don't touch him at all before, like hoping that he's okay.

1:12:24 Adam That is amazing. I'm amazed at guys who do that. I'm dumbfounded. You know how when stuff, and I'm not bragging here, but when stuff is 180 degrees from where you're at, I mean, me, it's like I got to really focus, I got to concentrate, I got to get a little sweat on my brow, I get a little cramp in my calf, you know? I got to really work it before anything comes out. In order to just have it come flying out of you like it was sucked out of you, it seems bizarre. I wish I could do that.

1:12:56 Caller But any other way, it takes him a long time, but it's just sex.

1:13:01 Drew It's overwhelming to him that way.

1:13:03 Adam Well, what's nice saying to her? What about foreplay? And she said, I can't even touch him. I won't even touch him.

1:13:08 Caller No, no, no. I mean, like, if we're going to have sex.

1:13:11 Drew She's tried that as a way of...

1:13:12 Caller But before, I won't touch him, like, to hopefully make it last longer, but it hasn't worked.

1:13:17 Adam I know, but you can give moral sex for a half hour and nothing happens?

1:13:20 Caller Exactly.

1:13:21 Caller But if then it's, second he touched me, there it is.

1:13:25 Adam How come no one knows when I'm...

1:13:26 Drew Because when you say foreplay, it usually refers to what guys are doing to women.

1:13:30 Adam It does?

1:13:30 Drew Yeah, it usually does.

1:13:32 Caller It does?

1:13:32 Adam Well, foreplay is the stuff you do to each other before you have sex.

1:13:36 Caller Exactly.

1:13:36 Drew Guys are usually not particularly interested in foreplay, right?

1:13:38 Adam Yeah, I know, but I was just trying to get a feel for... I mean, can even... Okay, I'm going to talk to Drew off the air.

1:13:45 Drew Crystal, how about a second time? Can you guys...

1:13:49 Caller How about a what?

1:13:50 Drew Can you guys do it the second time?

1:13:52 Caller Do we?

1:13:54 Caller Yeah, but it's not the same.

1:13:56 Caller Why?

1:13:57 Caller Well, because it's not in the same state that it was before.

1:14:00 Adam Well, I mean, what about ten minutes later?

1:14:06 Caller Yeah, but usually, like, the mood's kind of gone.

1:14:10 Adam The mood's gone?

1:14:11 Caller Well...

1:14:12 Drew Why don't you focus on the mood lasting through a couple of experiences? I mean, sort of think of it in terms of a process.

1:14:18 Caller So, like, we're kind of, like, just starting and then, like, just stop and wait until he...

1:14:22 Drew And, I mean, you can still sort of focus on each other physically.

1:14:25 Adam Are you angry, Adam Crystal?

1:14:28 Caller Um, not angry, but, like, you do get a little... It's frustrating.

1:14:32 Adam You get a little pissed off when he has that orgasm.

1:14:35 Caller Yeah.

1:14:36 Adam You don't, you know, you don't want to wait around for the next one.

1:14:39 Caller Exactly.

1:14:40 Adam Yeah. All right, but look at it as some sort of medical problem and just wait around 10 minutes and do it again.

1:14:47 Caller But isn't there any sort of technique?

1:14:49 Caller Like, we read something about like you squeeze it.

1:14:52 Yeah.

1:14:54 Adam No, no, that'll work. I think it'll last five seconds if you do.

1:14:57 Caller Yeah, because he like we've tried that.

1:15:00 Adam What about he masturbates a half hour before sex?

1:15:03 Drew There you go.

1:15:04 Caller Oh, that's a good one.

1:15:07 Caller I don't know.

1:15:08 Adam He didn't come up with that.

1:15:10 Caller Well, like I've suggested like a lot of things and he, you know, like, like to just masturbate regularly like a couple of times a day, you know?

1:15:18 Caller Right.

1:15:19 Caller I don't know.

1:15:20 Caller Like, I don't.

1:15:20 Drew What about, will he do that?

1:15:21 Caller He doesn't care. He doesn't really.

1:15:23 Yeah.

1:15:24 Caller He doesn't mind.

1:15:25 Adam Crystal's mad.

1:15:26 Drew Yeah, but he needs to.

1:15:26 Adam She showed me.

1:15:27 Drew Yeah. He needs to take control of his, his.

1:15:30 Caller I told him go to the library, go to a bookstore and get, you know, learn something about it.

1:15:34 Drew Well, I think you're. No, no, no.

1:15:36 Adam Listen, listen, Crystal, you tell the guy to masturbate a half hour before you have sex, they can shower off and then come get you. See how that goes.

1:15:48 Drew It's important to take a shower, right?

1:15:50 Adam Wipe off, whatever.

1:15:51 Caller But we never know what's going to happen like.

1:15:54 Drew Well, this is another part of.

1:15:55 Adam Okay, pretend like you know.

1:15:56 Drew Yeah, it's another part. You have to play a role in this. It's not going to magically happen without your involvement.

1:16:00 Adam You know, I always wonder how people don't, to me that would be the first recourse for me. You know, if I was a guy who came in two seconds and it was a big problem for me, I would masturbate.

1:16:15 Drew Yeah, I think it has something to do with...

1:16:17 Adam A half hour before I had sex.

1:16:18 Drew Yeah, I think it has something to do with the psychology of people that have that. I don't know quite what it is, but it is something in the order of needing that overwhelming experience of fusion or whatever that is.

1:16:33 Adam Oh, why wouldn't Crystal suggest it, though?

1:16:35 Drew She did.

1:16:36 Adam Well, she suggested that he sort of get on a maintenance program, but I sort of insist on it, you know, right before. Yeah, his attitude doesn't sound great.

1:16:46 Drew Well, that's the point. I think he loves that.

1:16:48 What's that?

1:16:49 Adam David.

1:16:49 Yeah.

1:16:50 Adam You're 19.

1:16:51 Caller Yes, I am.

1:16:51 Adam What's going on?

1:16:52 Caller Well, my girlfriend just went on the pill, and, you know, we're planning on, you know, we had sex and everything like that, and I was wondering about the two-week thing.

1:17:04 Adam Hold on, hold on. What's going on over there in Chicago in the background?

1:17:08 Caller What's going on?

1:17:09 Adam Yeah. You're calling from Chicago?

1:17:12 Caller Yeah, kind of. It's in Hammond.

1:17:14 Adam Yeah. You got the news on?

1:17:16 Caller Yeah. Is it too loud? Yeah.

1:17:18 Adam Yeah.

1:17:20 Drew We're listening to the Chicago Highlights.

1:17:24 Adam All right. Now I gotta put them on hold.

1:17:25 Caller All right.

1:17:25 Adam Now, hold on a second, David. I have to make you suffer a little bit. Monica.

1:17:30 Caller Hey, what's up?

1:17:31 Adam You're 18.

1:17:32 Caller Yes.

1:17:33 Caller Yeah.

1:17:36 Caller It's kind of an awkward thing.

1:17:38 Caller I live in a really small town in California.

1:17:41 Caller It's like that small.

1:17:43 Drew Modesto. Okay.

1:17:45 Caller Suburb of LA.

1:17:47 Caller Everybody knows each other.

1:17:48 Caller And this guy that graduated a year before me, I met him over the Internet. And we started talking on the Internet and he was coming home. So he lives up in Northern California. And so given my phone number, he called me like the day he gets home. And I wasn't home, so kind of, you know, brushed it off. You know, we ended up talking. And then we were supposed to go out. And he ended up going to a party and getting drunk, not getting home until four in the morning. We were supposed to meet at eight in the morning. So I, you know, went to work. We didn't end up meeting that time face to face. Of course, I knew who he was from high school because, I mean, he was totally popular. And, you know, Mr. Homecoming Court and everything.

1:18:38 Drew Well, what's your question for us?

1:18:40 Caller I want to know, like, well, I've lost all interest in the show.

1:18:43 Caller I don't know if I should.

1:18:45 Adam I'm gonna go out in the car.

1:18:47 Caller Well, like, we finally met up in my aunt's house and we had sex and then, well, we had sex in a really bad way. I was on like the last day of my period and I've been on the pill for a year and a half. So we had unprotected sex. This is just, I just found out he's had sex with 19 girls before me. Says he's clean because he gets tested through his work every six months.

1:19:16 Adam What kind of work does he do?

1:19:19 Caller He's in the military and he's a, well, so he gets tested all the time. And I went in and got tested just for my own peace of mind. And my period came but then it stopped. And so I went to the doctor and got tested for pregnancy and I'm not pregnant. And I called him yesterday to let him know because I had been really worried about it and we had been talking about it. And I called him today and where he works is like, he has to answer the phone all the time. And he can talk on the phone, it's no problem.

1:19:56 Adam Right, he didn't want to talk on the phone.

1:19:58 Caller He didn't even answer the phone. So I'm wondering if he's now brushing me off because now he knows that I'm not pregnant and he doesn't have to have anything to do with me and he's just being a weirdo.

1:20:11 Adam They had a hostage situation at work. That could really be the only viable answer here.

1:20:17 Drew True? Or that or Defcon 3 or 4.

1:20:21 Adam It could have been Defcon 4.

1:20:23 Drew Yeah, he had to jump into action.

1:20:24 Adam He may have had to turn his key simultaneously with another guy while his side arm was drawn. Yeah, Monica, he may have just wanted another quick conquest. You know, the thing about guys who are 19 and have had sex with 20 women, you're 20 and some other poor chick's going to be 21 and you can commiserate with number 16 and she can talk to number 11. You know what I mean?

1:20:50 Drew You can all talk to number 40.

1:20:52 Adam You can all talk to number 40 in about... 8 months. 9 months, yeah. Alright, Monica?

1:20:59 Caller Yeah.

1:21:00 Adam Yeah, well, you meet a guy over the internet or you look up a guy over the internet, you know, he's homecoming king, he's off in the military, you know, what do you want?

1:21:10 Caller I don't know, it was just weird because like we totally hit it off.

1:21:14 Adam I know, listen, let me explain the hitting off part. Anne, grab that microphone, would you? I'm going to hit it off with you, okay? I'm going to show you how this goes because I want sex. We're going to hit it off? Yeah, we're going to hit it off. I mean, I'm really going to hit it off with you. You're going to have to do some acting here for a minute, but just for a minute. Okay. Just in your mind.

1:21:40 Caller Pretend like I like you?

1:21:41 Adam Pretend like you like me and I'm the homecoming king. And, you know, I'm 19. I'm big man on campus. And I'm not that insured in you, but I got a hard on. Okay? Okay, whatever. Here's how we hit it off. Man, you look really hot tonight. You look fine. Were you really? Yeah.

1:22:03 Caller Thanks Adam.

1:22:03 Adam That blouse is beautiful.

1:22:05 Caller You think so?

1:22:06 Adam Yeah. And it looks good on you. I don't think it would look good on anybody, but it looks good on you. Wow.

1:22:13 Caller What a nice compliment.

1:22:13 Adam Yeah. It's just like your shape and the coloring. You really look hot.

1:22:17 Drew Talk about high school.

1:22:18 Adam You want another drink?

1:22:20 Caller All right.

1:22:21 Adam Some red wine?

1:22:22 Caller Sure.

1:22:22 Adam Hey, let's do a shot. That'd be fun. Let's do a shot.

1:22:25 Caller Body shots.

1:22:27 Adam Well, now I don't want to overstep my bounds, but I'll tell you what, let's just pour ourselves another. You want a Jägermeister? That's some Jägermeister?

1:22:35 Caller Whatever you got.

1:22:36 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Do you model? You don't do any modeling, do you? You should model. Are you modeling now?

1:22:44 Caller You're so sweet, Adam.

1:22:46 Caller You're making me blush.

1:22:48 Adam I know. And let's do another shot to celebrate your modeling, okay? Okay. Yeah.

1:22:55 Drew Talk about high school.

1:22:56 Adam Yeah. Remember high school? That was great. I was in the homecoming court.

1:23:02 Caller You didn't pay any attention to that.

1:23:03 Adam You know what was funny though? I could see you when I was up on the podium.

1:23:07 Caller You know when you went by on the float?

1:23:09 Caller I thought you looked at me.

1:23:10 Adam Remember I was waving?

1:23:11 Caller Yeah. You looked at me.

1:23:13 Adam Well, I was at your section, but I saw you right in the middle there. Let's do another shot.

1:23:19 Caller Okay.

1:23:20 Adam All right. See? We're in love, everybody.

1:23:23 Drew And you're? Where is Adam?

1:23:25 Adam I'm just trying to get laid really badly. And you're hot though. All right. Ann Wilkins, by the way, played the role of the gullible.

1:23:37 Drew Ann Wilkins.

1:23:37 Adam Ann Wilkins. Thank you. We'll take a little break and we'll be back with more Loveline Theater after this.

1:23:46 Caller Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline in just a minute or two.

1:23:50 Call 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:24:03 Caller Man turns animal for the erotic pleasures of women.

1:24:07 Caller It's Loveline.

1:24:11 Drew That may be just your wishful thinking. That may be just your sort of projection, wishful thinking.

1:24:16 Adam Yeah.

1:24:17 Drew We're defending against feeling bad.

1:24:19 Adam Yeah, well, we were trying to figure out during the break if we've ever screwed over any women or anything like that, you know, used anybody. And, you know, I always, I was telling Drew, I never look at, I was thinking myself as being the dumpy, not the dumper. Like, I've been dumped a thousand times. If you had asked me, I'd have never dumped anybody. But then when I kind of break it down, I kind of think about it, I may have...

1:24:42 Drew It's just your memories are colored by your self-concept.

1:24:46 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's been plenty of, you know, two-week relationships that I just sort of backed out of and didn't go any further with, that somebody was probably eager to keep moving forward with. But I don't count that. I don't even remember that. I don't look at it. If you talk to them, they'd probably say, I dumped them. I don't look at that. But not because I like myself. This is, I don't know. I just look at myself as the one who gets crapped upon. David? Yes. You're 19.

1:25:15 Drew Crappy.

1:25:16 Adam Crappy. Thank you. You're 19.

1:25:21 Caller Well, my girlfriend just started on the pill a few weeks ago. I was just curious, what would be a safe time to have sex after starting the pill?

1:25:28 Drew What pill?

1:25:29 Caller The birth control.

1:25:31 Drew Which one? Which one? Which one?

1:25:35 Caller I had planned parenthood. I don't know.

1:25:37 Drew Which pill?

1:25:40 Adam He doesn't know.

1:25:41 Drew David, it matters. Which pill?

1:25:45 Adam He doesn't know.

1:25:46 Caller It would be the monthly pill, I guess.

1:25:48 Drew Oh, David.

1:25:48 Adam Hold on. It's time for a recreation. It's time for a Loveline recreation. Matt, do you have any kind of fanfare at all that you could play there for a Loveline recreation? Because it is my favorite part of the show. It's really what I live for. Are you ready, Drew?

1:26:04 Caller Yeah.

1:26:05 Adam All right, I'll start off. I'll be David.

1:26:06 Caller All right.

1:26:07 Adam Matt's busting his head looking for fanfare. We'll get it 20 minutes after we go off the air. Don't worry about it, Matt. Are you ready? Yeah, my girlfriend's on the pill.

1:26:16 Drew Which pill?

1:26:19 Adam Birth control pill.

1:26:20 Drew Which birth control pill?

1:26:23 Adam The monthly pill for so you don't get pregnant.

1:26:26 Caller Which one?

1:26:28 Adam Planned Parenthood one.

1:26:31 Drew David, which pill is she taking? It makes a difference.

1:26:36 Adam Birth control.

1:26:39 Drew The cycle one. The monthly pill.

1:26:42 Adam It takes the monthly pill? Alright, so now you got all your information. Do you want to spit out an answer?

1:26:48 Drew He didn't say the Planned Parenthood one. He just said Planned Parenthood.

1:26:53 Adam Hey, David.

1:26:53 Caller Yes.

1:26:54 Adam Yeah, you don't know the brand name of the pill, do you?

1:26:57 Drew Type of pill.

1:26:58 Adam No, don't say type. You don't know the brand name, do you?

1:27:02 Caller I honestly don't know.

1:27:03 Adam Okay, all right. So you should wait a month, then, to be safe, right?

1:27:08 Drew Unless it's a triphasic pill. If it says triphasal, trilevulin, triwhatever, or 777, you're probably okay. Otherwise, you got to wait the month.

1:27:18 Caller Okay, because I think I was told that it was a two-week thing that you had to probably wait on before having unperturbed success, you know? Yeah.

1:27:25 Adam What pill is two weeks, or is that the triphasic that they just say give it two weeks?

1:27:30 Drew Probably triphasic.

1:27:30 Adam Because they wouldn't say two weeks if it was a regular pill. That's a full month, right?

1:27:34 Drew I would think so.

1:27:35 Adam And if it was triphasic, it was like, hey, you can start screwing tomorrow, but we don't want to tell anyone to start screwing tomorrow. So we're going to cover ourselves and say two weeks.

1:27:43 Caller Right.

1:27:44 Adam Right.

1:27:44 Caller Right.

1:27:45 Adam But what about all that stuff? I mean, if the doctor says, I mean, here's birth control, you can start in two weeks. Does that really mean three days? You know what I mean, like, AIDS takes six months to show?

1:27:59 Drew As far as it goes, it's the triphasic. Yeah, the triphasic. The month, the uniphasic, a month, a month.

1:28:04 Adam Right. Okay. All right. Where are we now?

1:28:07 Caller Four?

1:28:08 Adam Christine?

1:28:10 Caller Hello?

1:28:11 Adam Christine?

1:28:12 Caller Yeah.

1:28:12 Adam Yeah, you're 14. What's going on?

1:28:16 Caller Okay. Well, I have a boyfriend. I have been going out with him for about three months. And we really like each other, but he wants him to sleep with them. And I don't like really want to, but, I mean, there really isn't any reason why I shouldn't, because I mean, he's like...

1:28:32 Drew Well, I'm about about about, you're 14. That's a good reason right there.

1:28:34 Caller Yeah, but I mean, he says he's willing to like, use protection and everything.

1:28:39 Adam Oh, this is big of him.

1:28:41 Drew How old is he?

1:28:42 Caller He's 15.

1:28:43 Drew Yeah. Oh, that makes all the difference then.

1:28:44 Adam All right. He's willing to use protection. That's a totally different story.

1:28:48 Drew Christine, all we can tell you is that I've never met a woman who had sex at 14 who didn't regret it.

1:28:55 Caller Yeah. Well, I don't know. I mean...

1:28:57 Drew Christine, Christine, I've never met a woman who had sex at 14 that didn't regret it. I've never met that woman. Okay?

1:29:06 Caller Yeah.

1:29:06 Drew There's a reason for that. The reason is you make some choices of 14 that aren't so hot. Your brain development isn't actually the point to handle the kinds of consequences, the kinds of things that happened to you as a result of that sort of interpersonal relationship.

1:29:22 Adam Plus, there's a certain stigma to it, too. Your whole life, you're going to get asked by people, girlfriends, whatever, coworkers, that you're going to be drinking some wine over dinner when you're 37 years old. It's going to come up time and time again. Your husband, whoever eventually marries you, and I guarantee it won't be this guy, boyfriend after boyfriend, some guy you fall in love with in college, and it's going to be, when did you lose your virginity? And you're going to go 14, and then he's going to have this disappointed look on his face, and he's going to go, Oh, I'm sorry. And then you're going to go, Yeah, and you're going to go, I know, I was young, I shouldn't have done it. I called Adam and Drew tragically before Drew's wife killed him many years ago.

1:30:12 Drew And what's going to go on in your head as the guy who hears that was 14?

1:30:16 Adam Jesus.

1:30:17 Drew I just, I feel like, They go with the guys, wait, wait, hang on, what's the guy going to begin thinking right then?

1:30:21 Adam The, your future husband when you're 26 and having this conversation? Yeah, I wish some guy wouldn't have nailed her at 14.

1:30:28 Drew Well, or he's going to go through a whole assessment process. What, wow, wow, wow.

1:30:32 Adam Yeah, what's up with her?

1:30:33 Drew Yeah, what's going on here?

1:30:34 Adam Yeah, great.

1:30:36 Caller I just, I feel like I'm denying him something though, because he's, he's been like really good to me, and he's not like cheating on me or anything.

1:30:42 Drew All right, but how long have you been a girl?

1:30:43 Adam Three months?

1:30:44 Caller Yeah.

1:30:45 Drew When he was hit up around three years. Where's your dad? That's when you were good to him.

1:30:48 Caller Where's my dad?

1:30:49 Adam Yeah.

1:30:50 Caller Well, he lives with me, so does my mom and everything.

1:30:53 Adam Yeah.

1:30:54 Caller We're really close.

1:30:55 Adam Your dad's all right?

1:30:56 Caller Yeah.

1:30:56 Adam Why do you have that, like, you feel like you're denying him, you feel like he's been good, you gotta reward him?

1:31:01 Caller I don't know.

1:31:02 Adam Where did that come from?

1:31:04 Caller I just feel, I don't know, I just feel like I'm...

1:31:06 Drew Well, Adam just wants to know how you see that in a woman.

1:31:09 Adam Yeah, I wanna know where to find one of them. You got a slightly older sister?

1:31:14 Caller Um, no, I have a little bit of my family.

1:31:16 Adam Oh, okay.

1:31:17 Drew Dually lost about 100 pounds, didn't he recognize him? Did he?

1:31:20 Adam Yeah, it was Dually, he looked good in there. Alright, hey Christine?

1:31:24 Caller Yeah.

1:31:24 Adam Alright, don't have sex.

1:31:25 Caller Okay.

1:31:26 Adam Alright, put a condom on if you do, but just remember, we said don't, and here's the deal, that number sticks with you. It's like an SAT score.

1:31:36 Drew No, way more than that.

1:31:37 Adam Well, it's the guy, it's the girl's version of SAD. Guys, guys hang out, guys will still...

1:31:43 Drew Go back to the spirited gay people, that's more safer territory for you.

1:31:47 Adam I'm saying, you sit around with a bunch of guys who think they're smart and stuff, and they're 30s, and once in a while, it'll come up, what'd you get on your SAT? I got a 13, 20s, you know, it comes up. I never took it myself. I assume I would've got like a 2000 or something. What does it go off to, like 1600? Yeah. Really? Do you take the PSAT, Drew?

1:32:09 Drew Yeah.

1:32:10 Adam You did? You took the SAT, it doesn't even count, that's just before the SAT?

1:32:14 Drew The PSAT.

1:32:15 Adam That doesn't even count, does it?

1:32:16 Drew Well, that was to get National Merit Scholarships and things, and to sort of prepare you for it.

1:32:21 Adam I thought the PSAT was just sort of the pre-SAT.

1:32:24 Drew It was, but they actually give awards and stuff for that.

1:32:27 Adam Really? What'd you get on that thing?

1:32:29 Drew I don't remember. I really don't remember.

1:32:31 Adam Really? I do not remember. I thought everyone just sort of remembers that.

1:32:34 Drew PSAT?

1:32:35 Adam Alright. What'd you get on the SAT?

1:32:41 Drew 13 something.

1:32:42 Adam That's pretty good.

1:32:42 Drew I remember the math. I did good. I was like 7'6 or something in math.

1:32:46 Adam Wow. Oh, true. I could just see you.

1:32:48 Drew But the English was not so hard.

1:32:49 Adam I could see what the ask got on. Sweating, dabbing your brow.

1:32:54 Drew I didn't dab my own brow.

1:32:58 Adam Having Alfred next to you. Master Pinsky? May I blot your brow? Please. Binding your brow. Putting your hand out and grabbing a rosin bag before you grab the number two pencil again. Yeah, that must have been great. And you must have like studied and did you take like?

1:33:17 Drew No, not Press AT.

1:33:18 Adam You didn't take like some class, some SAT prep class or anything?

1:33:22 Drew No, not in those days.

1:33:23 Adam Really didn't have that? It's great. Yeah. You should have hung out with me. I didn't even know what the SAT. SAT was like something, some vague something that had heard something about around school, but never signed up, never took it. And let me tell you the beautiful thing about the Corollas. Never came up. I don't think they knew what it was. I don't think any of my family knew what it was. It's good. Yeah. No pressure. All right. Let me just see if we can get the part through. Some people have been on hold for a while. I'm all about the people. Holly?

1:33:53 Caller Yeah.

1:33:54 Adam Nineteen?

1:33:55 Drew Yeah.

1:33:55 Adam Best friend's girlfriend is spreading rumors and causing problems.

1:33:59 Caller Yep.

1:34:00 Adam Yeah.

1:34:00 Drew Stay away from them.

1:34:02 Adam Listen, if you're going to call and explain that the people you know are assholes, that just makes you an asshole too. That's the way I look at it. So don't hang out with them. If you don't like her, don't hang out with her, okay?

1:34:14 That's what I'm trying to do.

1:34:16 Adam Good. Perfect. I don't want to be so curt with you, but it is true. I don't have any tolerance for that. Oh, this person I hang out with is an a-hole. This person is spreading rumors. Don't hang out with them. If you've got friends that are screwing with you, don't hang out with them. That's all. I've never had a friend that's spreading rumors. Screw them. All right. Someone else has been on hold for a while. That's it? We gotta go. Okay. We'll take a break.

1:34:58 Caller Oh, you're right there.

1:34:59 Caller It's Loveline on WEBN.

1:35:10 Adam Well, that is about it for this fabulous week of Loveline. I want to thank, yeah.

1:35:16 Drew Are you here on Sunday?

1:35:17 Adam No, I'm out of town.

1:35:19 Drew You're gone all week.

1:35:20 Adam That's right.

1:35:20 Drew All week?

1:35:21 Adam That's right. So good luck to you. I want to thank Lisa for doing a great job on the phones and bringing in cream. Lisa the Dairy Queen, God bless you. Producer Anne and whatever's kicking inside of her for doing a wonderful job. All week, all year, and most of this decade on the fabulous Loveline. I want to thank engineer Mike, the one that went on for making a quick appearance, and tucking his shirt in for a change. And of course, fill in producer Matt, who's just done a engineer. I should say Matt has done a spectacular job all week long, except for just half dozen times when he pushed the wrong button. Other than that, engineer Matt did a spectacular job.

1:36:06 Caller This has been Loveline. The views expressed on Loveline are not necessarily those of the staff, the management, or the sponsors of this radio station. And are probably not the views of Westwood One Entertainment.

1:36:17 Caller Loveline is produced by Anne Wilkins Engel.

1:36:19 Caller Now, please listen to this station longer.

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Thursday, August 5, 1999