Episode 1000754887735

1:19 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:22 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:26 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:28 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

1:30 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

1:33 Voiceover Loveline.

1:34 Adam Yeah, it is the Loveline of Adam Corolla. It's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1, facts number 310-8-5-4-4-4-4-5-5. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist.

1:47 Drew And as usual, since we walk in here two minutes before the show, we don't have a chance to talk and we got a lot to talk about.

1:52 Adam We do. It's funny. Yeah, I didn't talk to you since last night. Drew and I were in Houston last night and then we traveled to College Station to do a little speaking engagement at Texas A&M. College Station is about an hour and a half away from where we were in Houston. We had a nice limousine and that was all fine. The engagement went well. Well, the thing I can't get over is they really have every one of those students trained to say howdy. When you say howdy, all in unison. It sounds like one loud voice. There's nobody hanging back. It sounds like one large voice of God saying howdy. It's bizarre. I mean, it's disconcerting. If you say to these kids from the stage with a microphone, there was 2,000 or so there. If you say howdy, it is howdy. Howdy. A wave of howdy. Like if there's 2,000 people in there, 2,000 people say howdy at the exact same time. And if you're standing in front of it.

3:03 Drew It's bizarre.

3:03 Adam It's a wave. And all I could think of is it seems like a scene from a movie. Yeah. Like once in a while they'll do something in a movie. But in a movie, you have like a second A, D, and a couple of guys running around, and they got a bullhorn. And someone's holding up a big sign. And when we cue you, you all say, and these are like all extras who are paid, you know, or we're not going to lunch until we can get a clean take of everyone saying howdy. But not these kids. Nailed it every time. And if you said howdy in the middle of a sentence, they'd give it like...

3:37 Drew Well, it was genius whenever we got a little bit so strong out.

3:40 Adam Whenever I got in trouble or got tired, I'm just standing there at a loss for words. I just say, howdy.

3:46 Howdy.

3:47 Adam Boom. And they could be mad at you too. There was a time or two when I said some off-colored remark about Jesus or something. They were upset. You know, they were hissing. With a legion in front of him, you know. I could have led these kids into battle.

4:31 Drew Evita.

4:32 Evita.

4:35 Adam Don't cry for me, College Station. All right.

4:40 Drew And before I was in Spokane, which is one of the most beautiful cities I've ever seen. And we have a new affiliate starting tonight from there.

4:46 Adam Oh, good. They don't say howdy over there.

4:48 Drew No, they don't. And then we had a nice fire alarm.

4:50 Adam Oh, my God. So, you know, I've been bugging Drew. Drew's heard enough of me and my sleep deprivation stories, but I really haven't slept in about four days. I was I won't get in all the details. I've just been working my ass off. I sat here with Everclear doing an interview till 12.45, one in the morning on Thursday night. And then I got home and it was too mean. I got out of man show at 10 o'clock at night. It's been my life has been a mess. And last night, I think we got back to the hotel in Austin about 1 a.m. I went to bed about 2.

5:26 Drew Yelling at me for not getting up earlier with you.

5:28 Adam Yelling at you for not getting on the early flight with me. I had a car pick me up at 9 a.m. So I went to bed at 2. I was getting picked up at 9. And I think it was about 5, maybe 4.55, somewhere just right up, 5 straight up. Started hearing this, meh, meh, meh. And then this voice. This is a, wait, let's see. A fire has broken out. Do not take the elevator. Do not take an escalator. Go to the nearest stairwell. Take the stairs. Leave the hotel immediately. Leave immediately. And it would just keep repeating, keep repeating. And it wasn't out in the hole.

6:06 Drew No, it was in your room.

6:07 Adam It was in your room. There was a guy standing right next to my bed with a bullhorn that just kept yelling. He came out of the courtesy bar.

6:17 Drew And I figured I wasn't going to sleep, because the thing was so damn loud that I was about to fall in directions. But I thought to myself as I went down the stairs, I will not see Adam here.

6:24 Adam No, you will not.

6:25 Drew He will not be out of bed. He will sit there with a pillow on his head, his lovey shades on, earplugs in.

6:31 Adam Lovey shade and earplugs. That is so true. Now, the first thing the earplugs did was they cut it down. I mean, it was...

6:38 Drew This is bone piercing.

6:39 Adam It went from sort of gut wrenching to just gut twisting in its decibels. But it still... You couldn't sleep through it. I mean, it was a voice that just kept repeating, leave the hotel, and along with a fire alarm and go out to the parking lot and take the stairwell and all that kind of stuff. So I got myself up. I got my sweatpants on. I got my shoes on. I put a shirt on. And I stepped out of my room. And I got out in the hall. And I walked down to the end of the hall. I was up on the fifth floor. And I looked down. I saw everyone out in the parking lot. And I thought, suckers. And then I started to mosey back, because I'm not smelling smoke. And I'm thinking, we're staying at a hotel with a bunch of high school kids who are there celebrating their prom. And I know one of those little vermin set the thing off. So, and besides, I'm just not worried about that kind of thing in my life.

7:36 Drew I know you. You think probabilities.

7:39 Adam Yes.

7:39 Drew You immediately think it's a prom. What are the probabilities of fire?

7:42 Adam I figured prom. I figured snot nose kid pulled the fire alarm. And now all these suckers. And the reason it's 5 a.m. is because it's the worst possible time to do it. And now everyone is standing out in the parking lot in their slippers and sweat pans. And I thought, I'm hidden back in the room. And if I smell smoke, I'll just throw that chair through the window and jump out. I hit a tree or something. I might break a leg, but I'll live, I thought to myself. And when I smell smoke, then I'll make my move. So sure enough, I got back into my room and just ten seconds later, the alarm stopped. And then I looked out the window again and I said, suckers. And I just went back to bed. So I don't know how long you're out in the parking lot for, Drew.

8:25 Drew Oh, I just went out, walked around the front, laid down on a couch, waited for it to stop, went back to bed.

8:31 Adam Yeah. So no fire.

8:33 Drew No.

8:34 Adam Can't they figure out what's a fire and what isn't a fire? You know what I mean?

8:39 Drew I mean, what's an alarm and what's...

8:41 Adam Well, what I mean is, does it take a half hour to figure out a hotel's not on fire? People look around. You know what I mean? Go down to the engine room or something, see what's cooking. Some sort of surveillance something. You know, go to the bank where all the surveillance cameras are or something, see if anything's burning. Any gay guys were making out and a joint caught a comforter on fire or something. That's what happened in Vegas. Remember that?

9:05 Drew That's how it went.

9:06 Adam Yeah, the big Vegas fire about 15 years ago.

9:09 Drew I never figured out how that went.

9:10 Adam Oh yeah, the gays. Greg, the gays are the cause of all fires, Drew.

9:16 Drew I see.

9:16 Adam You know what? Even the big Chicago fire. Turn of the century. They thought it was a missile, Larry's cow.

9:23 Drew She could have been gay.

9:25 Adam No, a couple of gay guys. Greg?

9:28 Hello?

9:28 Adam Hey, you're 15. What's up?

9:30 Caller Hi.

9:31 I have these strange bumps around my penis.

9:35 Caller They really hurt when I rock around.

9:39 Drew Are they like zits, like pimples?

9:41 No, they're like bruises or abrasions or something.

9:44 At the edge, it just looks like a bruise or something.

9:47 Adam Well, Greg, we know you're a virgin because you got that voice. So it can't be a sexually transmitted disease. Right? What else have you been doing?

9:59 Drew Surfing or?

10:01 I don't know.

10:01 I masturbate a lot, I guess.

10:03 Adam Yeah. That's the voice of a chronic masturbator, not a guy who's getting STD.

10:08 Drew To the point that you've irritated the skin there, huh?

10:11 I don't know.

10:13 Adam What are you good for a day?

10:15 Like three or four times.

10:17 Adam Solid. All right. Why don't you back off a little?

10:20 Okay.

10:21 Adam See if you can streamline it down to maybe once, and if it really starts to look infected, because you can hurt yourself.

10:28 Drew Have a dermatologist take a look at it.

10:29 Adam All right. Let's back off, see what happens. Haley?

10:32 Yeah.

10:33 Adam You're 17?

10:34 Caller Yeah. I was recently engaged this month, and today I went over to my boyfriend's house, and his ex-fiance was at his house in his room with her shirt off. And the music was up really loud, and he just told me that he was doing her, and didn't want to embarrass her in front of all his friends.

10:51 Adam He was doing what to her?

10:52 Yelling at her.

10:53 Caller Telling her to stay away.

10:55 Adam Oh, I see. You don't want to embarrass her in front of your friends. Take your shirt off. This isn't going to be pretty.

11:01 Drew I saw the towels of Mr. Ripley today on the flight back, and I thought, this reminds you of just lying at any, just reaching for anything. Boom, they lie in the moment.

11:09 Adam Oh, we had that Anna and the King, Jesus Christ. I would have liked to see the talented Mr. and I should have taken your foot. So, Haley. Yeah. All right, so it sounds like nonsense to me, right?

11:21 Drew How old is he? Yeah, it's total nonsense. How old is he?

11:23 Caller He's 20.

11:24 Adam And this, were you engaged to him?

11:26 Caller Yeah, I am engaged to him.

11:27 Drew Why?

11:27 Adam Oh, you are.

11:28 Drew Why, why?

11:30 Caller Why am I engaged to him?

11:31 Adam Yeah.

11:31 Drew You're 17.

11:32 Caller Yeah.

11:33 Adam Yeah. What are you, white trash? No. Yes, you are.

11:36 Caller No, I'm not.

11:37 Adam Here's one of the caveats of being white trash. You don't know you're white trash. All those people you see on Springer, all those guys with the mullet hairdo, all those 17-year-olds that are engaged, white albino trash, and they don't even know it.

11:51 Caller So?

11:52 Adam Come on. Now you're starting, right? You got to be white trash. You don't get engaged at 17 in this day and age. What's up? Where's your dad?

12:02 Caller At my house.

12:03 Adam What's wrong with him?

12:04 Caller Nothing.

12:06 Adam Well, you must not like him. Why do you get engaged at 17?

12:10 Drew That's the big question.

12:12 Adam What kind of thinking is that? Where are you going with this? And he has another fiancé, an ex-fiancé?

12:19 Caller That's his ex-fiancé.

12:21 Drew Guess why she's ex? He screwed something up with her, too.

12:25 Adam What? I mean, this guy sounds like a piece of work. What does he do? Work construction?

12:30 Caller No, he works at Gallo.

12:32 Drew Winery?

12:33 Caller Yeah.

12:34 Adam Works at a winery?

12:35 Drew Does he step on the graves or something? What does he do?

12:38 Caller Makes the bottles.

12:39 Adam He makes the bottles?

12:41 Caller On that line.

12:42 Adam Wow. What a gig. Hey, Hallie, listen, don't marry this guy.

12:48 Caller Why?

12:48 Adam He's an idiot, that's why.

12:51 Caller All right.

12:52 Adam All right. Enjoy your life. Have fun.

12:54 Drew Well, don't-

12:54 Adam Live in a nice trailer, have lots of toothless kids.

12:57 Drew At least don't believe- Don't believe his story is ridiculous. Ridiculous.

13:02 Adam All right. Get your hair dyed a whole bunch of different times so it gets all left up. Do all that white trash stuff. Thank you. Put on a whole bunch of weight and wear a bunch of tight stuff. Think you look good. Okay? All right. Get one of those little fanny packs. You keep your roach clip in. All right? All right. You got it. If you do graduate from anything, hang the tassel off the rear view of the car.

13:28 Caller Okay.

13:28 All right.

13:30 Adam Enjoy. Goofballs. Sarah?

13:34 Caller Hi. A. My question is kind of, it's two questions, basically.

13:40 Adam How old are you, Sarah?

13:41 I'm 19.

13:42 Caller All right.

13:44 I've been having a problem.

13:47 Caller I've like always gone to really good schools.

13:50 I went to prep school.

13:54 Caller I don't know. A Catholic prep school. And I've always been raised that like sex, you know, is for marriage and anything outside of marriage is like awful, evil. You don't need to think of it. And lately I've always tried to at least try to abide by that. And lately I just went off. I'm just, all I care about is sex. It's the only thing I think about from morning until night. And right now they're treating me for gonorrhea.

14:22 Drew Oh boy.

14:23 Caller And they couldn't tell if I had it or not. I woke up the other day and my whole body swelled. And I went to the doctor because I was having really bad lower abdominal pain.

14:33 Drew All right, all right. How many guys have you been with?

14:36 Adam Four hundred.

14:37 Caller No, only three.

14:39 Three hundred?

14:41 Caller Four.

14:41 Adam Four hundred. Four guys.

14:43 Caller The last guy that I was with?

14:45 Caller Yeah. Not a good guy, so that's why.

14:49 Drew Is he a drug addict?

14:52 Caller Yeah, a little bit.

14:53 Drew Did you have HIV done?

14:54 Caller No, I haven't had that done.

14:56 Drew Make sure your hepatitis C and HIV is done.

14:59 Caller Okay.

14:59 Drew So let's try to figure out why you're suddenly on such a terror here.

15:02 That's the thing.

15:03 Caller And my moods are totally altered. I mean, totally altered.

15:07 Drew Is there, let me ask you, is there addiction in your family?

15:09 Yeah.

15:10 Drew All right. So this, this is the way addicts often deal with unpleasant mood states. If you're not going off and using a drug, you'll often go off and do a lot of sexual things.

15:20 Caller Right.

15:21 Drew That is, that it tends to activate the same part of the brain as the drugs of abuse.

15:26 Caller Because another thing is, it was like the other thing I was going to say is like I'm very, I've always been very sweet, very kind, very caring person.

15:35 Drew Well, you're depressed, right?

15:36 Caller Yeah.

15:37 Drew Why are you depressed?

15:39 Caller I don't know.

15:40 Caller I have bipolar.

15:41 Adam Okay. Well, I don't want to do the doctor's job, but I was thinking bipolar when she was talking about being on, this is like a manic tear.

15:50 Drew Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

15:51 Adam Manic.

15:52 Drew Yeah. Why? Are you off your meds? No.

15:55 Caller I'm on so much. They're making me sick. All right.

15:59 Drew So you need to get things stabilized, right?

16:01 Caller Well, I think it's from the antibiotic. I'm allergic to a lot of medication.

16:05 Drew All right. It's hard to know, Adam, if this is just a behavioral response to depression, her trying to sort of run away from that and here utilizing that addictive biology to try to manage those internal feelings or is this a manic tear? It's hard to tell the difference.

16:17 Adam All right. Well, let's just got to go back to her psychiatrist.

16:21 Drew Stay under care.

16:22 Adam Get her meds worked out there.

16:24 Drew Get the gonorrhea treated.

16:25 Adam Yeah. All that good stuff. All right.

16:30 Drew Just remember, guys, that when a woman goes on a tarot like that, they're not comfortable. Guy goes on a tarot like that.

16:38 Adam That's a good weekend. That's spring break. Beth?

16:41 Caller Hi.

16:42 Adam Hey, you're 15. What's up?

16:43 Caller Yeah. I think I'm addicted to masturbating. I do it all the time, like five times a day, every day.

16:51 Adam Nice.

16:52 I just stop.

16:53 Adam Yeah.

16:54 Caller Or reduce it.

16:56 Adam Do you have an orgasm every time?

16:58 Most of the time.

16:59 Adam Most of the time. And what about times that you don't?

17:03 Caller I just stop once it starts hurting.

17:06 Adam You just figure it ain't going to happen. What do you do? Use your hand or do you use something?

17:11 Caller I use my hand.

17:12 Adam Nice.

17:13 Caller Or sometimes the water that comes out of the faucet in the bath.

17:16 Adam Old school. I like that. Yeah, the old tub.

17:19 Drew Hand in tub.

17:19 Adam Hand in tub. Yep, meat and potatoes.

17:22 Drew That's going to be with your lava lamps and-

17:26 Adam Yeah. I'm going to open a store at the mall. Exclusively hands in tubs. All right, so Beth, why are you doing it so much?

17:35 Caller I don't know. I started when I was about, let's see, like 11. And it just got more frequent over the years.

17:44 Drew Well, let's sort of explore the same stuff that we explored with our last caller, which is, do you have addiction in your family?

17:49 Yeah, I do.

17:50 Drew Do you feel like you have some momentum with substances yourself? You might be an addict.

17:54 Alcohol.

17:55 Adam Addicted to bathwater.

17:57 Drew Well, addicted to masturbating. And were you ever sexually abused? That's sort of really the ingredient that makes for a sexual addict.

18:02 Yeah, I was.

18:03 Drew Okay.

18:03 Adam Well, Drew, you hit the hat trick, buddy.

18:06 Drew So there you go.

18:07 Adam Well, there it is, Beth.

18:08 Drew You really need to get some treatment, Beth.

18:10 Caller I have a therapist.

18:12 Drew Are you talking to her? Is it her or she? You're talking to her about this?

18:16 Caller Yeah.

18:16 Drew Okay. You are. Yeah, I am. Good. You going to any 12-step recovery? Excuse me? You going to any recovery groups, 12-step groups? That would be a really nice addition to your treatment. Honestly, that has a, it's just very specific to what you've got going on and it helps a lot.

18:33 Adam Is she going to SA?

18:35 Drew SA or any 12-step for her. SA would be great.

18:37 Adam Well, what about her parents, you know, since they were addicts, you know? Shouldn't she be going to like a Al-Anon or something? Alateen?

18:43 Drew Her issues are her addiction right now. And the ultimate, yeah, I'm sure she has some co-dependency issues, but right now the addiction is starting to take off.

18:50 Adam Speaking of addiction.

18:51 Drew Yeah.

18:52 Adam My stewardess gave me a whole bottle of red wine I smuggled out of the plane with me.

18:56 Drew I got one too, yeah.

18:57 Adam You bastard.

18:58 Drew Yeah.

18:59 Adam Really?

19:00 Drew Yeah.

19:01 Adam Which, what did you fly? Continental?

19:04 Drew United.

19:05 Adam They gave you a whole bottle of red wine to take with you? Jesus, I thought I was special.

19:11 Drew I thought so too.

19:11 Adam Have they ever done that before?

19:13 Drew Yeah.

19:15 Adam The last person I told this said, yeah, they gave me a bottle of champagne. I was like, oh, did you shut up already? The one time I feel good about myself, now everyone gets something.

19:23 Drew I shouldn't have said anything, because they might have shut you up about first class for a little while.

19:27 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Why did they give it to you? Because you're Dr. Drew? Yeah. I got it because I called the girl's son, which is like, my son's a big fan of yours. I'm like, good. Here, he's on the phone, talk to him. I'm like, hey, Evan? Yeah. It's great. No matter how big a 15-year-old fan is of yours, here's what they say. Uh-huh.

19:48 Drew Hey.

19:48 Adam Hey. Cool.

19:49 Yeah.

19:52 Adam Hey, Evan, next time you're in LA, come watch the man show. Yeah.

19:58 Drew It's true. Every single one.

20:00 Adam You got to go or something?

20:01 Uh-huh.

20:02 Adam It's like, wow, this kid's crazed. Now I know what the Beatles went through in the mid to late 60s. It's nutty. I mean, jeez, the guy sounded pissed off. It was like, I swear to God, I'm better with a guy who's just selling time share over the goddamn phone than these 15-year-olds are. It's always a little anticlimactic, you know? Because when they hand you the phone, it's like, he is the world's biggest fan. He worships you. Oh, you're going to make his day. Evan?

20:29 Yeah.

20:30 Adam This is Adam Carolla from the Man Show.

20:32 Uh-huh.

20:35 Adam All right, hey, here's your phone. Give me a pistol. I got to kill myself.

20:39 Drew You know what this figure is, it's their piss that mom brought them to you.

20:42 Adam No, I think-

20:42 That's part of it.

20:43 Adam And I think they're just a little caught off guard or something, or maybe all 15-year-olds have that same energy. I don't know. Lynn?

20:50 Yes.

20:50 Adam Ah, you're 24. What's up?

20:52 Caller I don't like my husband anymore.

20:54 Adam Yeah.

20:54 Caller I've been married almost six years. I have two wonderful children, but over the years, things have come and go. And I've lately developed migraines. I went and seen just my regular physician, and he gave me a prescription. I asked him for a prescription for, like, a nerve pill to calm me down. He won't give it to me under the circumstances. And I just want to know, with everything that's going on in my life, could I all of a sudden start developing migraines?

21:18 Drew Well, yes and no. If you have no family history of migraines and these don't follow typical patterns of migraines, they're probably just tension headaches.

21:27 Caller Yeah.

21:27 Drew And those are bad.

21:29 Caller I mean, I don't get them regularly. I get them every now and then.

21:33 Drew Whether they are migraines or not, they're bad headaches and they're clearly related to your emotional state. You're making that connection yourself.

21:40 Adam Does migraine and migraines and migrate have any connection?

21:44 Drew No.

21:46 Adam They don't travel from any, they don't start somewhere and end up somewhere else?

21:50 Drew No.

21:51 Adam And let me ask you this, Drew, when did these migraines come into vogue? Because I swear to God, I think my mom heard about them and decided she was having them at some point in my childhood. I mean, clinically, maybe they've been around for a while, but when did they hit the streets? You know what I mean? I didn't hear much about migraines before very early 70s to me is when they seem to really come into vogue.

22:13 Drew And periodically, we go through waves where we decide that migraines are including other kinds of headaches and what's called classic migraines, that everybody's got a migraine all of a sudden.

22:23 Caller And Dr. Drew, one other question. Is there any other prescription he gave me for Arnold with coding? Is there a prescription without coding that I can take for when I get these headaches during the day?

22:33 Drew Well, this is a very complicated question. You got to work with your doctor. If you're Arnold with coding, it's good headache medicine, but they're profoundly addictive.

22:40 Adam Well, what's up with your husband?

22:45 Caller He just has a lack of responsibility. We got two kids. He's an over-the-road truck driver. So, he used to be in the construction field.

22:54 Adam Yeah, that's why you married him.

22:56 Caller No, no, I married him. I was 18. I was stupid. I didn't know what I was doing.

23:00 Adam That's right. You hear that, all you 18-year-olds? You're all stupid.

23:04 Caller All these people, I think, oh, you know, it's like playing house reality check, you know? I mean, it's not like that. But he just, over the years, has, you know, failed to remember that he's got two kids to support.

23:15 Adam Yeah.

23:16 Caller And it just, you know, last week we separated three times. Our last separation was nine months. Wow. Divorce papers in hand, and then like a fool took him back thinking, oh, but he said he changed. Most don't change. So.

23:28 Adam Well, he probably worked out a lot of problems doing speed, banging truck stop hookers, and talking on the CB.

23:35 Caller Probably. Probably. And we're from like two different worlds. I'm from the city. He's from, you know, I'm from Chicago.

23:41 Adam He's from the sewer.

23:43 Caller He's from Missouri.

23:44 Adam Ah, well, they'll never work.

23:46 Caller No.

23:46 Adam He's from the Show Me State. You're from the Windy City?

23:49 Caller Yes, I am.

23:49 Adam Yeah, it's not going to work.

23:50 Caller Actually, suburbia.

23:51 Adam Yeah, what's he going to do? Show you his wind? That's not going to work. Hey, Lynn. All right. Listen. Whatever's best for the kids. I'm tired tonight, Drew. I don't have time for people with no problems. All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break. When we come back this week, we'll do Jennifer Frade. Her boyfriend will freak out if he finds out she digs chicks after this. Oh, get it. Drew, where's the phone cord? I know. You know where that is?

24:56 Drew It's usually sticking out the bottom. Can we look for it?

24:58 Adam Yeah, get under there. Give me a hand job while you're down there, would you, buddy? It's the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. It's going underneath the console. Drew, don't touch stuff. Not my headphones. Headphones already screwing around. All right, buddy. There you go. Yeah, forget about the fax number. That's Dr. Drew. Back to the phones we go. Jennifer.

25:19 Caller Yes.

25:19 Adam 26. Your boyfriend's freaked out that you're into chicks.

25:23 Caller Well, he doesn't know yet that I... Well, he knows I'm into chicks, but the thing is is that things have become a little more serious between him and I. And he knew before that I was into chicks, but...

25:36 Adam It's kind of like a whacked out broad night tonight. You notice that?

25:41 Caller Well, the thing is is that I don't know if I should like...

25:45 Adam Chicks have been through the mill a little bit, been jacked around too much, and now they're kind of in a little bit of a tear.

25:50 Caller I've heard you guys before, if I tell him I'm cheating on him, it means that I'm trying to doom the relationship, right?

25:58 Adam Yeah. What's up with you? What are you? Are you like an ex junkie or something?

26:02 Caller No.

26:03 Adam Current junkie?

26:04 Caller No.

26:05 Adam Huh. You're missing some teeth?

26:08 Caller I know what you're saying. I'm trying to take heed to your warning.

26:11 Adam Yeah. You sound like you had like a head injury or something.

26:15 Caller No. It's not like that, man.

26:16 Adam Nothing like that?

26:17 Caller I'm really calling to you because I seriously, the thing is that I don't want to doom the relationship between us. And I know that if I-

26:26 Drew You've already doomed it, Jennifer. You've told them you're going to check. So that means you're going to do that.

26:30 Caller He's the father of my child.

26:32 Drew But you doomed it a long time ago. No.

26:35 Adam He's the father of his child, too, you Nimrod.

26:38 Caller Yeah. Well, we are-

26:40 Adam You're both the fathers of his child.

26:43 Caller That have been made between.

26:45 Adam Yeah, I see. All right. Hey, hey, mama. Mama. Earth to mom.

26:51 Caller Okay.

26:52 Adam Yeah, all right. Start acting like a mom now.

26:54 Caller Okay.

26:54 Adam The kid comes first. That's your experimentations.

26:58 Caller I know.

26:58 Drew Monogamy.

26:59 Adam Settle down.

27:00 Drew That's what the relationship needs. You may be in the chicks, may be in the guy. Maybe a lot of stuff.

27:03 Adam I don't care what you're into.

27:04 Drew You're a parent now. That's it. You're into raising kids.

27:07 Adam All right, screwball.

27:08 Caller Yeah.

27:09 Adam I swear to God, I wish the state could sue parents that did this. I really do. All right, you just have one kid, right?

27:15 Caller I have one kid.

27:17 Adam Don't get pregnant again, please.

27:19 Caller Hey, I won't get pregnant again, okay?

27:21 Adam All right. What's your boyfriend do?

27:24 Caller Hey, look, he's, well, actually, he's a car wash salesman, whatever. He's a car washman.

27:32 Adam He works at a car wash?

27:34 Caller He works at a car wash.

27:35 Adam Really? He must be calling from out of state.

27:37 Caller Money.

27:38 Adam Yeah. It's good money. Yeah. Yeah. It's like 45, 50 bucks a day.

27:43 Caller Oh, yeah. Yeah.

27:44 Adam You guys should have a few more kids.

27:46 Caller Actually, we have 10. No, just kidding.

27:48 Adam Now, where are you calling from? Chicago?

27:51 Drew Missouri.

27:52 Adam Missouri? Where are you calling from?

27:53 Caller Arizona.

27:54 Adam Arizona.

27:55 Caller Yeah, Tucson, Arizona.

27:56 Adam Yeah. All right. Hey, Mom? Yeah. Mama?

28:00 Caller Okay.

28:01 Adam Easy on the booze and the weed and the experimentation. All right, goofball?

28:05 Caller Yeah, right on.

28:06 Adam Start looking out for your kids.

28:07 Caller I will. But hey, man, I seriously have a question here.

28:10 Adam No, but seriously, you want that kid to turn out like you?

28:14 Caller I don't know. It's like in a way.

28:16 Adam Well, you don't want them to go through what you want through, do you?

28:19 Caller No, I don't want her to be that bad. Come on.

28:20 Adam You didn't have a good childhood, did you?

28:22 Caller No, it wasn't that great.

28:23 Adam No. All right. Do you want your kid's life to be a mess too?

28:27 Caller No, I don't want my kid's life to be a mess.

28:29 Adam All right. Well, then don't. Then don't. Fine. Can't you empathize with yourself? You know what I mean?

28:38 Drew Yeah, but that makes me blacked out over and over.

28:40 Adam What's that?

28:41 Drew That's what sets the stage for them recreating the past though. They can't really get it.

28:46 Adam I know. I look at my parents' role models and templates, except for it's 180 degrees. Whatever it is they did, I'm doing the exact opposite, and I know I'll raise my kidney utopia. It's easy. It's like some guy, every time he bets on something, it loses. Go the other way. All you got to do is bet for the other team, you're going to win every time. That's the Corolla method right there. Whatever it is my parents did, whatever decisions they made, 180. 180 the other way, kid's going to be the healthiest punk on the block. John?

29:22 Yeah.

29:23 Adam You're 16.

29:24 Caller Yeah.

29:27 Adam God, my parents must want to kill themselves here. Me, yam, on the radio, by what horrible parents they were. But hey, that's a chance you take, isn't it?

29:37 Drew You say you can't pick your parents? You can't pick your kids either.

29:40 Hey, listen.

29:41 Adam Hey, mom, dad, if you're listening, it's time to pay the fiddler. It is time to pay the fiddler. All that crap, all that nothing you did, time to pay the fiddler. Now I got a radio show.

29:54 Drew Maybe they'd adopt the same attitude you have, which is you just don't play games. Like your grandma doesn't play.

30:00 What are you two saying?

30:01 Drew Your grandma just won't listen.

30:03 Adam Oh yeah. Well, she's listening to the radio, though. She's gonna be mad at you now.

30:07 Drew No, but when you tell her about football and stuff, she can't hear it. She's not coming to football games?

30:11 Adam Nah, nobody.

30:13 Drew Oh, now you're defending her.

30:14 Adam Well, no. I'm defending my grandma. I'm just worried because she listens to the radio show and I get a earful when I see her. And she'll tee off on you too in a heartbeat. John?

30:25 Caller You guys are lunatics. Okay.

30:29 Adam Are you high?

30:30 Yeah.

30:31 Drew So it's not that we're lunatics. You can't follow what we're talking about, John.

30:35 Oh, sorry.

30:36 Adam All right. How high are you?

30:39 Drew Awful.

30:40 Adam Wow.

30:41 Caller I just finished.

30:43 Adam You just finished a balling load?

30:45 Drew You know, this study that just came out now, that there's one before that showed a year of regular marijuana you shrink the right frontal lobe of the brain of anyone under the age of 15 year olds, 15 to 16 year olds.

30:56 Caller Oh, I better stop.

30:57 Drew They do CAT scans. They do serial CAT scans on them.

31:00 Adam Oh, you mean on, like, guys who buy it in motorcycle and moped accidents and stuff?

31:06 Drew No, no, no.

31:06 Adam They can do it. I mean, they can do that. It doesn't, they don't need a cadaver.

31:11 Drew No, just follow a group of kids who do CAT scans on them.

31:13 Caller Well, I'm not really...

31:15 Drew And, John, hold on. And they just, some data just came out that surprised even me, which even once monthly use in under 18 year olds was shown to have some structural changes in the brain.

31:26 Adam Thank God I didn't get into my addiction until just a few months back.

31:30 Drew Yeah, that's good.

31:31 Adam Thank you. All right, John.

31:34 Caller I just use it to go to sleep. I don't go out.

31:37 Drew John, what did I just say? Once a month. Once a month.

31:40 Caller Oh.

31:40 Drew Under 18 and brain structure change.

31:43 Caller Oh man, I better stop.

31:45 Adam You got to stop smoking weed, John. It's a fact.

31:47 Caller Agreed.

31:47 Adam All right, good.

31:49 Caller Well, that wasn't my topic, though.

31:51 Adam All right, what is it?

31:52 Caller Oh, whenever I'm out in the public, I kind of weird up. I can't talk to people at all.

32:01 Drew Well, that may be the pot. That can be the pot, too. It can cause panic and agoraphobia, things like that. So all bets are off until you're off the pot. Who knows whether you have a social phobia, whether you have agoraphobia. Who knows? You're affected by all the pot.

32:14 Adam All right, so you get off the weed and then you see what happens.

32:17 Drew You have to wait about 6 to 12 months, though, because it takes a long time.

32:20 Adam You better not quit, then. Stephanie?

32:24 Guest Yeah.

32:24 Adam You're 17, what's up?

32:26 Guest I was going out with this guy for a really long time, and I got really attached to him and did everything for this guy. And then towards the end, it got abusive in everywhere he could imagine. And I had a really hard time trying to break up with him until recently I did. And now I have been talking to this new guy that's totally amazing, just the complete opposite. And I had a really hard time letting myself like him and trust him and get comfortable in this new relationship.

32:56 Adam How old is the new guy?

32:57 Guest The new guy is 16.

33:00 Drew Well, I would say that the new guy probably is an available amazing guy. And that's why you're hell bent on making sure you don't have that relationship. If this were another abusive guy, you'd be right in.

33:12 Guest That's what I'm scared about, because the last guy I went out with at first seemed really cool.

33:18 Drew No, you're missing my point. You're missing my point. Help, Adam.

33:23 Adam I'm tired of helping.

33:24 Come on, please.

33:25 Adam I'll see you all in hell.

33:27 Drew No, I'm not saying that this guy could be an abusive guy. I'm saying he's probably not by virtue of the fact that you can't get involved with him. If you were able to get involved with him, then I'd be concerned that that's what he was.

33:38 Guest Oh, OK. So how do I?

33:41 Adam Do you know what Drew's saying?

33:42 Guest Yeah.

33:42 Adam What's Drew saying?

33:43 Guest He's saying that if it would be a lot easier for me just to trust and totally put myself into it if he was abusive, but since he's not, it's harder for me.

33:52 Adam Yeah. Why do you think that is?

33:54 Guest Well, that's pretty much what I was used to for a long time.

33:57 Yeah.

33:59 Drew It's harder for you to be in a real relationship.

34:00 Adam This is what you call a breakthrough.

34:02 Drew Yeah.

34:02 Guest I'm having just like a really hard time dealing with my last relationship, too. So I'm just trying to like find ways to deal with it, but also get on with my life.

34:10 Drew Well, the way to deal with it is to have a real relationship.

34:13 Guest Yeah.

34:13 Drew Get involved with this guy in a real way, but boy, you're going to create some chaos in that relationship. Yeah. That guy, mirror me up, be up for it.

34:21 Adam I bet he'll be up for it because he's a nice guy.

34:24 Drew Oh, I see.

34:25 Adam Nice guys are always up for the ride. Where are they going? What are they doing Saturday night? You know what I'm saying?

34:31 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

34:33 Adam Kristen?

34:34 Caller Oh, hi.

34:34 Adam Yeah, you're 16.

34:35 Caller Yeah.

34:37 Caller My friend told me that, I guess maybe it's BS, but he said like your Hyman can grow back after like six months or something.

34:44 Drew No.

34:44 Adam Yeah.

34:45 Drew Oh, yeah? Yours grew back?

34:46 Adam Yeah. My B Hyman is back now. I tried to take a crap this morning, made a trampoline sound, bong, a big bass drum sound, bong. You know when like Wile E. Coyote would jump off a cliff and hit like a big rubber band thing, bong? What sound was that? Was it like a harp or mouth harp or something?

35:05 Drew I don't know what that is. Somebody will call and tell us though.

35:08 Adam Yeah. What was that sound? Yeah. No. Sorry, Kristin.

35:12 Caller Oh, dang. Okay.

35:13 Drew Dang.

35:14 Adam Dang.

35:14 Drew Dang it.

35:15 Adam Dang it. Wow.

35:16 Drew Where are you calling from?

35:18 Caller Oregon.

35:18 Drew Oh, dang.

35:19 Adam Dang it.

35:20 Caller Yeah. Dang.

35:20 Adam All right. That's it.

35:22 Caller The same guy told me, like told me my friend that we could get like pretty much any guy we wanted. But I think that's also BS since like we both have a really hard time getting a boyfriend.

35:32 Adam Well, what do you look like?

35:34 What do I look like?

35:35 Adam Yeah. That's a factor.

35:36 Caller The reason.

35:37 Adam Huh?

35:38 Caller Maybe that's the reason. I don't know.

35:40 Adam Is something wrong with you? Well, okay.

35:43 Caller I'm kind of overweight, but.

35:44 Adam Yeah.

35:44 All right.

35:46 Adam That's all right. How much you weigh?

35:48 Caller Uh, like 210.

35:50 Adam Dang. And, uh, how tall are you?

35:53 Caller 5'4.

35:53 Adam All right. Nothing wrong with that. A lot of black guys like that. Why don't you lose a few pounds?

36:01 Caller It's actually pretty hard.

36:02 Adam Oh, it is?

36:03 Caller My mom, like, was always like, I guess it runs in the family or something.

36:06 Adam Yeah. Yeah. It's one of those genetic things. It's one of those genetic things. But you can still kind of do the best with what you got. You just have to work a little harder at it.

36:15 Caller It's not like I'm, like, not confident or anything. I don't have any, like, low self-esteem or something.

36:19 No.

36:21 Caller I guess, like, I'm totally white school anyway.

36:23 Drew This society is not fair to people who are overweight at all.

36:27 Adam No, it isn't. I haven't given a speech in a while. I'm not going to give it some. But really, really, most people that are overweight are that way because it's sort of a genetic. It's like blaming someone for being short or tall or bald for the most part. For the most part. People think it's a game on with the fatties because they're doing it to themselves. But really, we all know skinny people that just eat like pigs and we all know fat people that constantly die. And it's pretty much your shape. And look at most fat people. Go find a picture of them when they were seven. When they were nine.

37:04 Drew And their parents.

37:04 Adam When they were five. Go find, go find, I mean, I can show you pictures of my friend. I have a friend who's a big fat guy. I see a picture of me when he's nine. He's a little fat guy. Now, what was he doing at eight or nine? You know what I mean? He was chugging a lot of beer or watching too much TV. You know what I mean? He's doing the same thing every other eight-year-old was. He was just fat. That's how it goes, everybody. All right. We're going to take, we should still hate them though. You're right. We're going to take a little break, and when we come back, we'll speak to David. Thinks he has breast cancer after this.

37:47 Caller We'll be right back with more Loveline.

38:18 Adam Hello, what's up, Drew?

38:20 Drew It's that grandiosity again. The other hand, I leave my area code when I'm calling my neighbor.

38:26 Adam Yeah, I do too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's funny. All right, we're just talking about, I have a maid that I was trying to call. It's like trying to call the president. No phone machine, no call waiting, no pager, no voicemail, no nothing. I mean, it'll call to be busy for like an hour, and then it'll just keep ringing, and you'll never talk to anybody. And I'm trying to tell her, don't come tomorrow, and I'll never be able to get hold of her. And you forget about that.

38:55 Drew Oh yeah.

38:56 Adam I mean, you just get so used to this day and age where you just can leave a message or track someone or page somebody. This is old school. This is like the 70s. I miss, I mean, remember when you're expecting an important phone call, you take the phone off the hook?

39:10 Drew You're right.

39:11 Adam Do you remember that? Somebody was calling you back and it's a call you didn't want to miss, and you didn't want them to think you left. You just had to take a shower. Someone's going to call you back and give you directions to the party, and you don't want to think you went out for the night because you're just getting in the shower. Just take the phone off the hook. They'll get the busy signal. You jump in, take the shower, and you come back five minutes, put it back on, they'll call back. Taking the phone off the hook. Remember that move? Smooth. I really feel sorry for kids today, though, because they can't do any of that. I mean, with all that star 69 and three-way and caller ID and all, forget it. I mean, to me, a rite of passage as a kid is to prank phone calls and to call in the old girlfriend and seeing if the new boyfriend picks up and then hanging up, if a new guy picks up or the dad or mom picks up, you hang up. And it was like you were beyond reproach. There was like nothing they could do. You call someone's house at four in the morning and if their dad picked up the phone, you just hang right up. Now, she's totally just cold busted, just busted. Everyone's got a phone with a readout on it, given the number, they can just star 69 in. Oh my God. And now you know. I mean, everyone knows, but during the turn of the technology, I was dating a woman like six years ago, right when nobody had it except for this bitch I was dating. It was like, hey, honey, I haven't called you. No, that wasn't me. I have no idea what you're talking about. She's like, I got caller ID and I see your number on it. It's like, oh, yow. What are you supposed to say at that point? Well, maybe somebody used my phone. Sure as hell wasn't me because I don't care.

41:06 Drew Is that what you said?

41:08 Adam Yeah, that's what you said. No, I didn't. It's like, at that point, it's like when they do this 2020 reports where they rip off the old people working on their car or something, and then they go into the mechanic and they go, no, I never saw this guy. And they go, watch this videotape. I'd like you to watch this. Now, that's you on the video, right? Yeah. And that's you taking a flat bar to the old people's transmission. At that point, it's like you don't have to comment on it. You know what I mean?

41:36 Just shut up.

41:36 Adam Just shut up. That's where you just run for the bathroom.

41:40 All right.

41:41 Adam So now that we know that this is not in place, we can all act accordingly. David?

41:46 Yeah.

41:46 Adam You're 18.

41:47 Caller Yes.

41:48 Adam What is up?

41:49 Caller Okay. I'd like to know the frequency of breast cancer in men.

41:53 Drew Very unusual.

41:54 Adam 60-70 percent.

41:55 Drew Very unusual.

41:56 Adam Oh, your age?

41:58 Caller Yes.

41:58 Adam 40-50 percent.

41:59 Drew Very unusual. However, please do not listen to Adam. However, it is extremely common for men to get breast enlargement, little sort of knots behind the nipple that can enlarge. It's most commonly around your age from smoking pot.

42:13 Adam No, it is not.

42:14 Drew That most commonly. It's also caused by just puberty in general. Yeah.

42:17 Adam Listen, I think I had one and my friend Ray had one and I don't know who else had one of those things. There's a little lump under your nipple. You have that, David?

42:29 Caller It's not under the nipple.

42:31 It's a little to the right.

42:32 Drew Yeah, it's not. It's not perfectly.

42:35 Adam Do you smoke a lot of weed? Pardon? Do you smoke a lot of weed?

42:39 Drew No.

42:40 Adam No?

42:41 Drew No. Have you had it since you were about 15, or just developed recently?

42:44 This has been here. I've had it for a little while now.

42:48 Drew You don't take any steroids or anything?

42:49 Adam How long have you had it? How long have you had it?

42:54 Maybe a year or so.

42:55 Adam Oh, okay.

42:55 Drew So it's just kind of come past you.

42:57 Adam All right. You're fine.

42:58 Drew It's the usual deal.

42:59 Adam All right, David. Don't worry about that.

43:01 Caller All right. Are you sure?

43:02 Adam Yep.

43:02 Drew Well, you can't be 100% sure, but I can almost guarantee it.

43:05 Adam Go get a mammogram.

43:06 Caller Well, because my grandfather had breast cancer.

43:09 Drew Oh, really? Well, that's interesting.

43:11 What?

43:11 Drew How old was he when he had it?

43:13 He's about 80 now.

43:15 Drew Yeah. How old was he when he had it?

43:17 I haven't a clue.

43:18 Drew Was he in his 70s or something?

43:20 I really don't know.

43:21 Caller Hey, David.

43:22 Adam Hold on. You know your grandfather, right?

43:25 Yes.

43:26 He was probably about 70.

43:28 Drew Yeah, he didn't have when he was 15, which would be uncanny.

43:31 Adam You knew he had it when he had it, right? Yes. All right. Jesus Christ. We have the world's dumbest callers. I say this every week and I mean it. I challenge any other talk radio show. I will put your callers against ours in the stupidity department and I'll win hands down. National, local, college stations, I'll take you all on. I'll call our stupidity against yours any day and we'll crush your callers. Because see, David is saying, I'm 18 and I have breast cancer. And we're saying, you're 18, that is very young. And then his point is, my grandfather had it. Now that is something if grandpa had it at 20.

44:16 Drew Yeah.

44:16 Adam But grandpa's 80 now and he's still alive. So when we asked David, how old was grandpa when he had it? He has no idea what to tell us. And has no idea what we're asking.

44:28 Drew Right. That's the most important issue there.

44:30 Adam That's the most important issue. No way was I that stupid at 18, Drew. Yeah, I can't chalk all this up to age. Can you? Is it just watching too much TV and not and having difficulty interacting? You think that's what it is? I mean, let me ask you this, Drew, straight out. What do you think about this concept? Way too many channels on television.

44:51 Drew Too much stimulation.

44:51 Adam Way too much video. And not no interaction.

44:55 Drew Well, not enough education.

44:57 Adam OK, but not forget about the education. I think kids may know it's not about knowledge. It's about the ability to communicate. I mean, they're playing on the computer. They're on the Internet. They have the Library of Congress at their fingertips now. Or you had to go to Washington, DC on a field trip. The point is, it's not about the information. They have difficulty communicating because they're in electronic world or they're staring at a screen.

45:26 Drew Maybe.

45:26 Adam You know what I'm talking about?

45:27 Drew Maybe. I don't know. Maybe.

45:29 Adam Well, maybe they're not... I mean, it's not like people are...

45:31 Drew I'm sure you're saying.

45:32 Adam They're not... people aren't telling them stories.

45:34 Drew Right.

45:34 Adam They're watching a channel 157 on television.

45:38 Drew Right, right, right.

45:39 Adam Maybe they have a little difficulty. Because that's what seems to be the problem. It's not that they're stupid. It's that they have difficulty communicating. They don't know what people are asking.

45:48 Drew And they're very concrete, too.

45:49 Adam You have that, too. Amy?

45:51 Hey.

45:51 Adam You're 17. What's up?

45:52 Caller Hey, guys. How are you doing?

45:54 Adam Hey, Perky.

45:56 Caller I'm Perky because I'm nervous.

45:57 Adam All right.

45:58 Caller Okay. I just want to let you know, on behalf of the smart callers and the 17-year-olds who are virgins and also not going to get engaged when they're 17. Right on.

46:08 Caller Oh, God.

46:10 Caller I'm sorry. I just wanted to say those people are stupid. I have a question. I had a strep infection last week, and my doctor put me on 900 milligrams of clindamycin. This is for Dr. Drew, by the way, Adam, so.

46:25 Drew Are you allergic to penicillin?

46:27 Caller I'm not allergic.

46:28 Drew Why don't they use penicillin?

46:30 Caller I don't know why he didn't tell me that. So what happened was that I was on Vantin. I don't know what drug it was.

46:38 Drew Vantin is a cephalosporin. It's kind of a penicillin.

46:41 Caller Okay, so I was on that, but I was on that for two days, Tuesday and Wednesday, and what happened was...

46:46 Drew You got diarrhea.

46:48 Caller No, I didn't get better. I got worse. My throat got worse. And I, you know, what happened was that my doctor reexamined me and he thought it was a tonsil abscess, and so he's like, okay, well, we're good with you.

47:00 Drew That's why the clinda. Okay. All right.

47:02 Caller So I have this clindamycin, and I've been taking it, like, 900 milligrams with a heavy dose. And when I go to the bathroom and I wipe myself, I have a thick discharge, so I wanted to know if there's any correlation.

47:13 Drew Yeast.

47:13 Adam There goes some masturbation.

47:15 Drew Yeast. Get yourself some over-the-counter yeast medicine, okay?

47:19 Adam All right.

47:20 Drew Just some, any of the monostating of that stuff would be just fine. And use it through the duration of the antibiotics.

47:26 Adam You say rub that on your tonsils?

47:27 Drew No, use it intravaginally.

47:29 Adam I see. Is that on the tonsil?

47:32 If you reach too far, yeah.

47:33 Adam Can I free, if you roll your sleeve up far enough? Howdy! All right, we're gonna take ourselves a little break.

47:39 Drew That's how we use that, by the way.

47:41 Adam Laurie's, yeah, gets you right out of trouble. It's like how JJ Walker would use dynamite. Laurie's 18, period's two weeks late. Two tests says not pregnant. Okay, so we'll find out whether Laurie's pregnant or not after this.

47:57 Drew Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

48:01 Adam Well, it's worth hearing. Hey, it is Loveline. We're going to take our traditional 10-second timeout, but this is the swan song. This is the last time we're going to take this 10-second timeout. So everyone, enjoy this 10 seconds.

48:47 This is Loveline on radio station.

49:02 Adam Yep, Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, the phone number 1-800-L-V-E-191. Andy Dick, who I saw Friday over at the Man Show, helped us out a little bit, just as nutties ever, is going to be in here on Tuesday night.

49:19 Guest Oh my God.

49:21 Drew He was just here, wasn't he?

49:22 Adam He's always a good time, that Andy. You know what I was saying to my partner, the Emmy Award-winning Jimmy Kimmel about Andy, when Andy came up to him and said, I think Andy did the second show, we taped the man show, we did two of them and Andy came up to Jimmy and he said, My God, I've never seen the show before, but it's great. I just watched the first one. It was great. I loved it. I said to Jimmy, the great thing about Andy is, it's like you're talking to a kid in terms of, you want to know how your hair is looking?

49:55 Drew Yeah, he'll let you know.

49:56 Adam You want to know if you've packed on a couple of pounds? You want to know someone's true feelings in this make-believe veneer of Hollywood where people are always, hey, enjoy the show, love your work. They've never seen it. Andy Dick will come. That's as good a compliment as you're going to get because it is 100 percent sincere. I've never seen your show before, even though I'm a friend of yours and I've heard about it for the last year. I've never seen it before, but I saw it tonight and I really liked it. He means every word of it, I'm sure.

50:27 Drew I call that unedited.

50:29 Adam Unedited Andy Dick. Yeah.

50:30 Jesus Christ in heaven.

50:33 Drew Uncensored.

50:34 Adam Kids, you want to know what your hair looks like or something or if you're packing on weight or whatever. Just go ask a kid, they'll tell you. My friend's little brother said to my friend's parents, Fat Maid, hey, she was like six, Rosa, don't sit on that chair, you're so fat you're going to break it. Thank God everyone else was standing in the room, they could enjoy that uncomfortable silence. But I mean, I've always said, you want to know what you're looking like? Ask a kid or cut someone off on the road. Because whatever you are is what comes out of their mouth. They don't have time to think about stuff. It's just, hey, hook nose, hey, pencil neck, hey, brillo head, whatever, hey, lard ass, whatever you are is what you're getting.

51:23 Drew They're going after you.

51:24 Adam Almost immediately. Yeah. Pick a fight with someone who's on the other side of the street or on a car or at a stop sign or whatever. They will yell your most predominant feature back at you. That's how you know what you look like. All right. Laurie?

51:38 Caller Yeah.

51:38 Adam All right. So you're two weeks late for your period. You've taken a pregnancy test.

51:44 Caller Taken two.

51:45 Drew When did you last have sex?

51:49 Guest Two days ago.

51:50 Drew How about before your period was supposed to come? How long before that?

51:55 Guest Different times.

51:56 Caller Probably between like two weeks and a couple days.

52:01 Drew You've not been using any protection?

52:02 Guest Condoms.

52:04 Drew And they've been working? They've not been failing in any way?

52:07 Guest Not to my knowledge.

52:08 Drew All right. Are you on any medication?

52:10 Caller No.

52:11 Drew Are you losing a lot of weight?

52:12 Caller No.

52:13 Drew Are you excessively physically active? No.

52:16 Adam Well, what about the non-stop humping?

52:19 Drew Have you been very stressed out?

52:21 Caller Not really stressed out. I just started a new job, but it is not, no.

52:25 Drew Have you ever, maybe she's waiting to cycle with the rest of the women at the job. Yeah.

52:29 Adam That's on the application. You're going to, if you missed the last cycle, the next one's coming around, but you have to sit out.

52:39 Drew It takes more than one cycle for that to happen.

52:41 Adam Oh, I didn't tell you this.

52:42 Drew What?

52:43 Adam When I was in, I was in, where the hell was I? I was in Aspen. I was in Aspen a couple of months ago.

52:51 Drew Right.

52:53 Adam I'd met a young lady and had a little, a good time. No sex or anything, but it got good and loaded. She ended up passing out in my room. So I kept telling her, let her just go to bed. I'll handle your boss. I'll call him. She's like, I'm too hung over. I can't go to work. The next day, I was like.

53:15 Drew Someone was a waitress or something?

53:16 Adam I'll deal with her. Regular nine to five job. So I said, I said, listen, here's what you do. Call your boss. He's a male, right? Yeah. Go right for the crotch because here's how it works with guys. Hey, listen, Mel, I can't make it in. I'm having a little cramping. Take a week off. Fine. Stay home. You just go for the crotch, start going with the cramping, start going with that stuff. Tell him it's that time of the month. He'll not ask another question. She said, I can't. I said, why not?

53:51 Drew It's got a colleges.

53:51 Adam Said no. Everyone in the office, all our periods are synced up. And he knows when the period day is and it ain't tomorrow.

54:02 Drew Wow.

54:03 Adam It ain't today. I was like, wow, that's busted. So I said, all right, all right, all right. Let's see. Hey, tell him your car broke down. He can't make it into work. She goes, hey, this is Aspen. I walk to work. I'm like, honey, I'm out of ideas. You gotta quit.

54:20 Drew You gotta go to work.

54:22 Adam Either go to work or quit. I'm going back to bed. I don't know what the hell to say now.

54:25 Caller What'd you do? She went to work.

54:27 Adam She just called and said, I'm not coming in.

54:29 Screw it.

54:30 Adam It was great. Yeah.

54:31 Drew I can't do it.

54:32 Adam It was excellent. Andrew? Yeah. You're 15.

54:37 Drew Wait a second, Andrew. One second. To finish with Laura, Laura has a lot of things that call a delayed period. Some of the things we sort of scrolled through the questions we asked. Many other things can too. So if it's not around another couple of weeks, worthwhile having a doctor check and make sure it's not a thyroid condition or something else going on hormonally. All right.

54:56 Yeah. All right. That's how tired it was. I'm actually 16. I just forgot.

54:59 Drew All right.

55:00 Adam What's up?

55:02 At a car show at my school Friday, I bumped my head, got three stitches, and I've been really confused ever since. Tired.

55:09 Adam You had a car show at your school?

55:11 Yeah. ET. Extravaganza.

55:14 Adam ET. Extravaganza?

55:16 Engineering and technology extravaganza.

55:18 Adam At your high school?

55:20 Yeah. It's the big thing they do.

55:21 Adam Wow. Is that a public school?

55:24 Yeah.

55:24 Adam That's pretty bitchin.

55:26 Yeah. Well.

55:27 Adam What kind of cars do they have?

55:29 I'll tell you the truth. I don't really remember.

55:31 Drew Oh, boy. Were you forgetful of the events leading up to the head injury?

55:36 Well, no.

55:38 I'm usually pretty forgetful and stuff, but I've just been... No, I've been real tired.

55:46 Drew Andrew, let me ask the question again. When you hit your head, did you have a blank spot in your memory for what led up to the hitting your head?

55:54 Caller Not really.

55:55 Drew Did you have a problem remembering what happened immediately afterwards?

55:58 Caller No. I just looked around and I was laughing because I was bleeding and I didn't really know what was going on.

56:05 Drew All right. Well, it sounds like you've had some... He is confused right now.

56:10 Adam Yeah.

56:12 Drew It sounds like you probably had a concussion and these things, people are reared in this culture with the idea that head being hit in the head is three stooges or Tom and Jerry. It's like you see stars and you go back to fighting again.

56:28 Adam Right.

56:29 Drew But head injuries are really serious matter and you want to see a doctor about it to be sure it is in fact just a concussion, not a contusion or a bleed, sub-drill hematoma, something like that. And the post-concussive syndrome can go on for a long time. Confusion, memory problems, mood disturbances, sleep disturbances, panic and anxiety, personality changes, so it's something to look into tomorrow.

56:51 Adam There. What are you going to do? Lucas?

56:53 Hey, what's up?

56:54 Adam You're 16.

56:55 Caller Yeah.

56:56 Adam What's up?

56:57 Caller I'm having a problem. Okay. First of all, I like my girlfriend a lot and stuff, but I like her cousin and her cousin like me. And I was like, you know, I'm like, whoa, you know? It's pretty messed up.

57:14 Drew Pretty messed up. Agreed. What did you do with the cousin?

57:17 Caller We didn't do nothing yet, but we want to.

57:20 Adam How old is the cousin?

57:22 Caller Oh, she's 17.

57:24 Adam And how old's your girlfriend?

57:25 Caller 17.

57:27 Adam And are they tight?

57:28 Caller They both like me.

57:30 Adam Yeah, I understand that. But I like you too, Lucas, if it's worth anything to you.

57:35 Caller But I don't go that route.

57:36 Adam Well, I'm a big celebrity now. I could probably get you to go down that route just a little bit.

57:43 Caller Okay.

57:43 Adam All right. Are they good friends, your girlfriend and your cousin?

57:48 Caller They're like, I mean, they're really tight, you know?

57:51 Drew Not anymore.

57:52 Caller And my girlfriend, you know what she said? She was just like, why don't you just ask her out, you know?

57:56 Drew Your girlfriend said that to you?

57:58 Caller Yeah. So I'm like, are you trying to break up with me? Because I know she's like my friend, you know? She was like, no.

58:04 Adam Your girlfriend likes your friend? Yeah.

58:06 Drew Oh well.

58:07 Caller So I'm like, we're going to all be on the Ricky Lake Show in a minute.

58:10 Drew Yeah. You got to sit down and talk with your girlfriend about where this relationship's going and what it would be like if you were to date the cousin. It's a messy situation.

58:16 Adam Sort of seems like it's coming to the end of the road, though, doesn't it?

58:18 Drew Yeah, but at least Lucas does not sound like a bad guy. He's just in a bad situation.

58:23 Adam No. Well, he sounds like a gregarious bad guy.

58:25 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

58:26 Adam He's a lovable bad guy. Jack?

58:29 Yeah.

58:30 You know how you're talking about call waiting, right?

58:32 Adam Yeah.

58:33 Or not call waiting.

58:33 Adam Caller ID?

58:34 Yeah, I found out.

58:35 Drew That was about a half hour ago, by the way, for anybody that wasn't listening.

58:41 Turn your phone to pulse.

58:43 Caller Uh-huh.

58:46 And their caller ID box won't pick up on it, and it'll just come through as unknown.

58:50 Adam Interesting. So what's the other one? Tone?

58:54 Caller Yeah, it's tone and pulse.

58:55 Adam Nice. Smooth. That makes perfect sense.

59:00 Yeah. It's perfect for making prank calls.

59:03 Adam Yeah. All right, Jack. Good. Thanks for that tip.

59:07 Oh, yeah. And Adam?

59:08 Adam Yeah.

59:09 I knew there was more. I bet you could get me to go down that route.

59:11 Adam Yeah. That's what I'm saying, brother.

59:14 Yeah, anyone.

59:15 Adam All right. You wash up. I'm going to be over later, all right?

59:17 Okay.

59:18 Drew You're 16.

59:18 Adam All right, brother. 16 is fine. Nice and tight. Skin like a dolphin, those 16-year-old boys. Very tight.

59:26 Drew Unacceptable. Unacceptable.

59:28 Adam Very, very tight. John?

59:32 Hey, what's up, guys?

59:33 Adam You're 18. What's up?

59:35 Caller Yeah. Last week, my doctor put me on Paxil for social anxiety, 20 milligrams a day. But I also smoke weed like two or three times a week. And I just want to know if smoking the weed is going to make the Paxil not work.

59:49 Drew Two or three times a week or four or five times a week?

59:53 Caller Four or five times a week.

59:54 Drew All right. The reason you're having your problem is because of the pot. So Paxil is not going to do anything, and the problem is going to keep getting worse.

1:00:00 Adam As we've said many times, our callers think the week is-

1:00:05 Drew Three days.

1:00:05 Adam Two days and then the weekend, which is one day, half a day. Isn't that how it works?

1:00:11 Drew I love that.

1:00:12 Adam Because they go, well, I smoke pot two or three times a week. And as it turns out, they smoke pot every day of the week. So we can only surmise that they figure the week is just two or three days.

1:00:24 Drew That's it.

1:00:24 Adam Wouldn't that be it?

1:00:25 Drew That's it.

1:00:25 Adam Well, you do the math, right?

1:00:26 Drew That's the deal.

1:00:27 Adam All right. It goes Monday, Friday, Sunday, Monday, Friday, Sunday. Isn't that how it goes? Yeah.

1:00:37 Drew Two to three days a week with pot.

1:00:39 Adam That's right. All right. Where are we? Andy, or Andre, sorry.

1:00:44 Caller Is that right if I talk to Dr. Drew privately?

1:00:47 Adam Yeah. Go ahead.

1:00:51 Caller Dr. Drew, I need to ask you a few questions. Go ahead. Like, my girlfriend, she a couple months ago, she was like, thinking about committing suicide. And like, she called me and I wanted to know, like, like, I mean, after she called me, I didn't know why she called me, because like, she was like, came out with her friends and she tells, she tells me like, how much her friends mean her or whatever. And I know she smokes weed with them.

1:01:29 Drew What is your question?

1:01:31 Caller I want to know, like, will she cut herself too?

1:01:38 Adam Hey, Andre, I'm going to kill myself if this question keeps going.

1:01:42 Caller Okay.

1:01:42 Adam Now, what do you want?

1:01:45 Caller I want to know if, what I should do. I don't know.

1:01:51 Drew Make sure she is in care. And if she threatens suicide, you must call authorities, you must call somebody. Because you can't ever take that threat lightly. And if she threatens suicide, she needs to be in a place where she can't do that.

1:02:07 Caller Okay.

1:02:08 Drew And that's it. And if she's just threatening and just, that's all empty threat, she'll learn not to threaten like that. If it's real, then God bless you for having intervened.

1:02:18 Adam Yeah. Oh, boy. Andre. Andre's 18, everybody.

1:02:25 Drew She needs to make sure she's under care because that is serious crap. She's cutting drugs.

1:02:31 Adam Yeah.

1:02:31 Drew We need to try to commit suicide. That's the trifecta.

1:02:34 Adam Yeah. All right. Ready to go?

1:02:36 Drew Yep.

1:02:37 Adam David?

1:02:38 Caller Hey.

1:02:38 Adam You're 29. What's up?

1:02:39 Caller Oh, my God. All right.

1:02:41 Yeah.

1:02:42 Adam Finally.

1:02:43 Caller Yeah. Hey, first off, let me say thank you, guys. You guys have helped me so much.

1:02:48 Adam Well, no. Thank you for... What is it you do?

1:02:52 Caller I've got a history of the abuse and that, too, you know, and you guys have really helped me through a lot of it.

1:02:56 Adam Oh, really?

1:02:57 Caller I really appreciate you.

1:02:58 Adam I mean, like, hold on. Let me just weave a little hypothetical here, David. You listen to the radio show and actually get something good out of it?

1:03:07 Caller Yes, I sure do.

1:03:08 Adam And it's helpful to hear other people with their problems?

1:03:12 Caller Yeah. Well, a lot of people have had the same problems as me, and I hear it and it helps me out. I can't believe I'm talking to you guys.

1:03:18 Adam That's it. I'm doing the show one more day. Thank you. Then I'm quitting.

1:03:22 Caller Okay. Anyway, I've got these raised red areas on the penis. I've already been tested for herpes by the doctor. Do they hurt? No. They don't burn. They don't itch or anything. Like I said, I've been to a doctor. I've been tested for herpes.

1:03:39 Drew Have you seen a dermatologist?

1:03:41 Caller I've got an appointment with a dermatologist, but it's not for another two months.

1:03:44 Drew Oh, boy.

1:03:45 Caller Yeah.

1:03:46 Adam Two months?

1:03:47 Caller Yeah. It's getting pretty bad.

1:03:49 Adam What are you? Are you in the military or something? How does that work? Two months?

1:03:53 Drew HMO. Is it getting worse?

1:03:55 Caller Yeah. They're getting larger. And like I said, there's no other symptoms. There's no burning.

1:04:01 Drew Do you have them anywhere else?

1:04:03 Caller No, I don't.

1:04:03 Adam Are you sexually active?

1:04:06 Caller I haven't been for a while before. This has been going on for about a year.

1:04:10 Drew Are they scaling?

1:04:11 Caller So if they dry out, well, I keep the lotion on to keep it from drying.

1:04:20 Adam Wait a minute. Hold on a second. He keeps the lotion on it. She's wondering how he applies that lotion.

1:04:27 Drew Not like you would.

1:04:28 Adam Some special applicator stick or something. Or do you think he uses his hand? Here's what I'm saying, Drew. I'm thinking this cat needs to dump some cornstarch down his drawers before he probably works.

1:04:41 Drew It could be yeast. That's a possibility.

1:04:42 Adam I bet he works around that. Where do you work, David?

1:04:45 Caller I'm working in private security right now. Going to school. I'm a student.

1:04:49 Adam I do it.

1:04:50 Caller I'm a student.

1:04:52 Adam Here's my point.

1:04:53 Drew You say they work on diving bell or something? We can talk about that.

1:04:56 Adam When you drop your pants at the end of the day, is a big plume of steam come up from your groin?

1:05:01 Caller No.

1:05:01 Adam Is it a moist environment down there? You wear briefs or jockeys? I mean, jockeys or boxers?

1:05:09 Caller I do do quite a bit of walking, but like I said, it's been going on for a year.

1:05:13 Adam Yeah, but you know what? All right, here's what you need to do. Why don't you try this? Try dumping some talcum powder, some of that cornstarch down there. Hey, it couldn't hurt.

1:05:22 Drew Solves everything for you, doesn't it?

1:05:24 Caller No, what I mean is... When it started, I wasn't walking a lot.

1:05:27 Adam Yeah, but here's what I'm thinking. You need to dry it up down there, especially if you got some yeast going on. And you putting the cream on your penis is going to aggravate things, I think. I think you need to dry up that environment.

1:05:39 Drew Wait, wait, wait, wait. I gotta talk to him. Any problem with your ankles or heels?

1:05:48 Caller No, no, no.

1:05:49 Drew Any skin of the feet okay?

1:05:51 Caller Yeah, it's fine.

1:05:51 Drew Back pain?

1:05:53 Caller No.

1:05:53 Drew Redness of the eyes?

1:05:57 Caller Right around the eyelids, but I've had that all my life.

1:05:59 Drew Because something called writer syndrome can give us a weird skin rash like this called Sersinate Balanitis. And as well, any other skin condition that you can get in other spots, you can get on the penis, you can get psoriasis, you can get contact dermatitis, you can get eczema. So a dermatologist really needs to take a look at this. And I agree, yeast is a possibility in the short term. I'm sure that you might try something over the counter for that.

1:06:17 Adam Daniel? You're 16.

1:06:20 Caller Yeah. I've been going out with my girlfriend for about four and a half months. And we just started recently having sex.

1:06:27 Adam Yeah.

1:06:27 Caller We were both virgins and we're both clean.

1:06:30 Adam Right.

1:06:30 Caller Like no disease and stuff. And I was just wondering if she got on the pill, would it be OK for me to not wear a condom during sex?

1:06:37 Adam Yeah. OK.

1:06:39 Drew I didn't quite get it. They're both virgins?

1:06:41 Caller Fine.

1:06:42 Drew They're both virgins?

1:06:43 Adam Treating our colleagues like they treat us.

1:06:45 Drew They're both virgins?

1:06:46 Adam Yeah, they're both virgins. I think if she gets on the pill, he doesn't have to wear a condom, right? Let me just check back on it. Daniel?

1:06:54 Caller Yeah.

1:06:54 Adam Uh-huh. No problem.

1:06:56 Caller No problem.

1:06:57 Adam All right. Cool. You can, she's on the pill.

1:07:01 Caller Yeah.

1:07:01 Adam And you're both virgins, right?

1:07:03 Caller Yeah.

1:07:03 Drew All right. She's not an IV drug user?

1:07:05 Caller No.

1:07:06 Adam No. She's a virgin, please. All right. So just make sure she's taking the pill right, reading the instructions, taking the same time. Pull out anyway. What the hell? Mustafa?

1:07:19 Hi.

1:07:19 Adam Hey, you're 19.

1:07:22 Hi. Hi, Dr. Drew.

1:07:23 Drew Hey, Mustafa.

1:07:24 Yes, I got a question for you. I went to this club yesterday.

1:07:27 Adam That is a man's name, that Mustafa.

1:07:29 You remember me adding my car a couple of months ago?

1:07:32 Adam Yeah. It does sound familiar, Mustafa.

1:07:37 Yeah. Okay. I went to this club yesterday and I fingered a go, and I was just wondering if I can get out any kind of STD.

1:07:47 Drew You got a herpetic Whitlow. You get the weird herpes on the corner of the finger, fingernail. That's about it, unless you put your hand somewhere else immediately after that.

1:07:57 I washed my hand like 50 times after that.

1:07:59 Drew 50 times.

1:08:01 Adam You must have been quite a gal. You didn't run to the washroom holding the hand up in the air as if it was on fire out in front of you yelling, Gangway.

1:08:11 That's right. I ran it.

1:08:13 Drew Lady with a baby.

1:08:15 Adam No one else gangway anymore. Remember that was a big cartoon call like when Fred Flintstone was running through a crowd and it was, Gangway. I didn't really know what it means. I mean, there's the gangway like on a boat.

1:08:30 Drew Gangplank.

1:08:31 Adam Gangplank, right? On a boat. You get on a ship.

1:08:35 Drew Maybe gangway is like people going up the gangplank. It's like a path.

1:08:39 Adam Going down the middle of a crowded.

1:08:42 Drew I don't know. Give me the picture.

1:08:43 Adam You're going to look up gangway?

1:08:44 Drew Let's see if there's anything in there.

1:08:47 Adam It's great radio, by the way.

1:08:49 Drew You ready to go? We can go to break.

1:08:50 Adam We can?

1:08:51 Drew Yeah.

1:08:51 Adam Let me just check in with John. John?

1:08:53 Yeah.

1:08:53 Adam You're 17? Yeah. Your girlfriend had an abortion.

1:08:57 Caller Yeah.

1:08:58 Adam She's real depressed?

1:08:59 Caller Yeah.

1:08:59 Adam All right. Hold on.

1:09:01 Caller All right.

1:09:01 Adam All right. We'll talk to John about that after this.

1:09:13 Caller We'll be right back.

1:09:42 Adam It's Loveline. Are you serious that the stewardess gave you a bottle of wine on the plane today? Can I have it? I gotta drink more because Drew got a free bottle too. I felt so good about myself today, and the stewardess came by, and she's like, I'm not supposed to do this, but here you go. She gave me this nice bottle of Cabernet, you know? And I was like, yeah.

1:10:05 Drew Can we?

1:10:07 Caller Yeah.

1:10:09 Adam I thought of myself. I was thinking to myself, yeah, membership has its privileges as I lean back. Bet she'd probably get fired for that.

1:10:19 Drew What airline are we going on?

1:10:19 Adam Never done that before. And Drew flies home an hour later. Yeah, I got a bottle of booze too.

1:10:26 Drew What airline are we going on?

1:10:28 Adam Continental. Yeah. They're all giving it out. Fine. Fine. All right. Yeah. You feel like such a coup too. It's like, I know I could have flown to Houston and coach for $289 round trip, but I spent $1,800 to fly first class. But here's the good news. $4 bottle of wine.

1:10:48 Caller Yeah.

1:10:49 Adam Oh, yeah. Now who's the dummy? Come on, do the math. That's right. John?

1:10:55 Yeah.

1:10:56 Adam You're 17.

1:10:57 Caller What's up? About six months ago, me and my girlfriend found out she was pregnant. And we took her to the doctor about two weeks ago, and he said that it was twins and that there would be no way that she could carry him. Why? Huh?

1:11:11 Caller Why?

1:11:12 Caller I'm not sure. They just said that it would be too stressful on her and that she'd probably end up with miscarriage.

1:11:17 Drew How old is she? 17. That's what she told you?

1:11:22 Caller That's what she said the doctor would say.

1:11:24 Drew That's not what the doctor said.

1:11:25 Adam Unless she has some kind of pre-existing condition.

1:11:28 Drew Yeah, some, some.

1:11:29 Caller Well, a little bit more than a year ago, she was raped and had a miscarriage.

1:11:33 Drew All right, that's still not what the doctor said.

1:11:35 Caller Okay.

1:11:36 Drew And by the way, that wasn't the first time she was raped.

1:11:38 Adam And maybe, maybe the doctor was just one of us. You know, if I was a doctor and I saw this effed up chick with the twins, I'd be like, sorry, you're gonna have to border, your head will explode. Sorry, there'll be brains all over the operator.

1:11:51 Drew He wouldn't have said that to her.

1:11:52 Adam He wouldn't have?

1:11:53 Drew No.

1:11:53 Adam Really?

1:11:54 Drew No.

1:11:55 Adam I don't mind. I don't, hey, listen, all this, you know, when they say to like doctors, stop playing God, I don't mind that playing God stuff. I like that. You see trouble. Feel free to nip it in the bud.

1:12:07 Drew No, we can't anymore.

1:12:08 Adam Ah, go ahead. So what happened, John, about, what was up with the rape?

1:12:14 Caller I don't know, she got too drunk and one of her best friends decided to rape her.

1:12:18 Adam I see.

1:12:19 Drew Yeah, that was not the first time she was raped.

1:12:21 Adam Yeah.

1:12:22 Drew That is not a new experience for her. That's not, that's not how it happened.

1:12:27 Adam John, why are you getting her pregnant again though, goofball?

1:12:29 Caller Um, accident.

1:12:31 Adam Oh, I see. Okay.

1:12:32 Drew What was the accident?

1:12:33 Caller Getting her pregnant.

1:12:34 Drew No, no, but I mean, what happened, a conabreak?

1:12:37 Adam No.

1:12:38 Drew What was the accident?

1:12:39 Caller Uh, stupidness.

1:12:41 Drew The accident is you keep having sex with her without a contraception.

1:12:45 Caller Yeah.

1:12:45 Adam Alright, what are you doing now? Are you still doing that or do you have any contraception?

1:12:49 Caller No, we haven't done anything since the pregnancy.

1:12:52 Drew So was she abused in some way when she was a kid?

1:12:54 Caller Uh, no, not really. I mean, her dad was like a drug addict and alcoholic.

1:13:00 Drew Okay, well, there you go.

1:13:01 Caller Alright.

1:13:02 Drew No, that's about it, huh?

1:13:03 Adam That's it? Just drugs and alcohol?

1:13:05 Caller Yeah.

1:13:05 Drew Okay, well, except for that, he sounds like a great guy.

1:13:08 Adam Alright. Hey, John?

1:13:10 Caller Yeah.

1:13:10 Adam Listen, this girl's been through a lot in her life. Yeah. You got to use protection. It's just going to, you know, it's very difficult emotionally for a woman to deal with an abortion, right?

1:13:20 Drew Oh, my God. Well, and biologically, it's a huge, huge change. Really kind of a let down is experienced. And whatever those hormonal changes are, people experience a loss. And there is also an awareness of a loss.

1:13:33 Adam I think the male equivalent to abortion would be just after the gun sounds on the Super Bowl. You know, football season's over. You'll never get any further away from the beginning of football season than when the fourth quarter ends and the Super Bowl. There's all that hype, the two weeks going up into it. You're throwing a party and you got a nice buzz going and everything. Pow, the game ends. And you're just sort of sitting there thinking, there's no second Super Bowl in another week or something. All the gambling, all the office pools, done. All those great, great highlights. What'd you say, Ann? You have it, the Pro Bowl is kind of anticlimactic. They're kind of goofing off.

1:14:16 Drew Doesn't count.

1:14:16 Adam Not good for gambling. It's not like you're going, I'm a huge AFC fan. I got a lot of money riding on the AFC this year. It's always, you know, I always think that too, because I try to console myself. Like, oh man, football season's over. The Pro Bowl's coming up and then the Pro Bowl comes up like a week later and so I watch like five minutes of it and change the channel.

1:14:38 Drew Yeah.

1:14:39 Adam Now, we coming into football? When the hell are we?

1:14:43 Drew August, August. You got a few months here.

1:14:45 Adam We're screwed.

1:14:46 Drew We haven't finished basketball yet.

1:14:47 Adam Cassie?

1:14:48 Drew Hello.

1:14:49 Adam Who won with that Lakers game today, by the way?

1:14:51 Drew I didn't hear. Do you know? Sacramento did. They were up by 10 when I was watching. I was at Dodger Stadium today. It was a Dodger game today. They killed the Marlins.

1:15:03 Adam Drew went to the Dodger game. Cassie, what's up?

1:15:06 Caller Whatever.

1:15:08 Drew Indeed.

1:15:08 Caller I have a question for you.

1:15:09 Caller Last night, me and my husband and some friends went out. My husband, kind of like, I don't know, we were all playing around. I don't know how it happened or what. We were drinking. And then he was like, kiss her, kiss her, my friend. And so I did, right? And he's all, that wasn't a kiss. And he's like, give her a real kiss. So I kissed her with tongue and everything. And now all day long, he's like, oh, you're such a lesbian for kissing her and all that kind of stuff.

1:15:38 Drew Now, what is that guy?

1:15:39 Adam How do you think he means it, though?

1:15:41 Caller I don't know.

1:15:42 Drew You know what he's working up to, don't you? Yeah, he's building up something here.

1:15:46 Adam Maybe.

1:15:46 Drew You think? Maybe, I don't know. No, no, Cassie, you know what I'm talking about?

1:15:49 Adam Well, whatever it is, it's no good, whether he's working up to trying to get you into some sort of threesome experience or he's just sort of building a case against you and screwing around and being a little cruel. One or the other, neither of which are good.

1:16:04 Drew Not good, Cassie, not good.

1:16:06 Adam And you really don't know how to interpret what he's saying?

1:16:09 Caller I don't know.

1:16:10 Caller I mean, and then we went to a strip club afterwards, right? And he like bought me a lap dance and stuff like that.

1:16:15 Caller So I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

1:16:18 Adam How old is he?

1:16:19 Caller He's 23.

1:16:20 Drew Oh boy.

1:16:21 Adam What's he do?

1:16:22 Caller What's he do?

1:16:23 Caller He goes to school.

1:16:25 Drew Yeah, for what?

1:16:26 Caller He's gonna be a computer networker.

1:16:29 Adam Junior college? Junior college?

1:16:32 Caller No, he goes to like a vocational school, like Heald, you know, business school.

1:16:37 Adam Yeah, that's a junior college brother football team. That's what that vocational school is. All right, it's minus the chicks, minus the good looking dumb chicks. That's what the vocational school is. You'll never get laid at school. Thank God. Cassie? All right, just keep an eye on him. Listen, don't be scared to say to him if he says, hey, lesbian.

1:17:01 Drew Cut it off, yeah.

1:17:02 Adam No, no. See, then it turns into an argument. Here's what I think you should do, and I'm glad people don't do this to me. That's why I know it's good advice. You say to the person after the third time they say that, hey, you've said that a few times. What exactly do you mean by that?

1:17:20 Drew That's what I mean. Call him out.

1:17:22 Adam You said cut it off.

1:17:23 Drew No, I mean either say, be direct, like, hey, what do you mean?

1:17:28 Adam Oh, Drew, shut up.

1:17:29 Drew Or cut it out.

1:17:29 Adam No, don't backpedal.

1:17:31 Drew Don't you agree?

1:17:32 Adam What do you mean agree? It was my idea. What am I supposed to do, agree with myself?

1:17:35 Drew If he doesn't want to talk about it further than, hey, that's it, cut it out, right?

1:17:39 Adam Right. No, she should get to the bottom of it. Find out what his motive is. Dave?

1:17:46 Caller Yeah, I'm here.

1:17:47 Adam You're 25, what's up?

1:17:48 Caller Hey, what's up, man? I had a question to ask Dr. Drew.

1:17:52 Drew Yeah?

1:17:53 Caller Well, at the age of 15, I was in a pretty bad bicycling accident, and I was rushed to the hospital, where the doctor said that I was in good condition, you know? Well, I noticed that my penis growth hasn't grown not one inch since my accident.

1:18:08 Drew How old were you when the accident occurred?

1:18:09 Caller I was 15. Well, recently, I bought a penis pump, okay, and I've been following the directions on it. You know, I read the back of the box.

1:18:16 Adam Well, they're in Swedish, aren't they?

1:18:18 Caller Oh, excuse me?

1:18:19 Drew Nothing.

1:18:19 Adam Yeah, go ahead.

1:18:20 Caller Oh, no, they have.

1:18:23 Adam How much for the box?

1:18:25 Caller $36.

1:18:26 Adam Not bad.

1:18:27 Caller Yeah, it's supposed to be a pretty good one, you know, the battery-operated ones and so forth. But what happened was I've been using it three times a day, like it says. It says once in the morning, once in the mid-afternoon, and then once at night.

1:18:39 Adam Do you have to quit your job to get this thing?

1:18:41 Caller Oh, no, no.

1:18:43 Adam Listen, you can play the violin by the time you add a quarter inch to your penis with all this work.

1:18:48 Drew The pot can slow down the, you're smoking a lot of pot, right?

1:18:51 Caller Oh, no.

1:18:52 Drew Dave?

1:18:53 Adam Dave, listen, Drew, the guy's penis hasn't grown since the 10th grade.

1:18:58 Caller Well, that's not the point of it, though. What the point is is that since I've been using it, I've noticed that I've been bleeding at the tip and the tip has turned a dark purple color.

1:19:08 Drew That's nice.

1:19:09 Adam Well, you got to double down. You got to use it six times a day.

1:19:13 Drew How long have you been doing this?

1:19:15 Caller For the last two weeks.

1:19:16 Drew Has it done anything?

1:19:18 Caller No, it hasn't. It hasn't done a thing.

1:19:20 Adam No, it's just damaged his penis.

1:19:22 Drew It's sucked the blood right to the surface of the urethra.

1:19:25 Caller Right.

1:19:26 Drew That's great.

1:19:27 Adam Who backs these things? I mean, can't you sue somebody at a certain point?

1:19:31 Drew I would think so.

1:19:31 Adam Here's the point, Dave. Don't use it anymore. Here's the only thing that makes me think these things may work. There is one version I have seen of these things for like $235. And I keep thinking, it must work. You know what I mean? The $35 one, that one don't work. But that one that's made out of surgical steel and lucite, graduated and everything, you know, it's got the zert fittings on it for, so you can put a mechanic, put a grease gun to it every once in a while and sealed bearings and all that stuff, that, you know, that's...

1:20:03 Drew That's gotta be it.

1:20:04 Adam Yeah, it's not stamped out of tin. This one is machined aircraft.

1:20:09 Caller Tooled.

1:20:11 Adam Chromali, you know, and I'm thinking to myself, man, that one might work. It looks like the world's nicest caulking gun. I gotta get me one of those expensive ones. I think I could probably ride it off, couldn't I?

1:20:25 Drew But Dave does need to get checked out, because there might, you know, there could be things going on. I'm trying to think of things that will shut down his testosterone production and...

1:20:32 Adam Since the bike accident.

1:20:33 Drew Well, it makes me worry about, does he have some sort of undecided testy? Does he have some sort of genetic problem?

1:20:42 Adam He should go to the doctor, then.

1:20:44 Drew Absolutely.

1:20:45 Adam Ann?

1:20:45 Guest Yes.

1:20:46 Adam You're 28.

1:20:47 Guest Yes.

1:20:48 Adam What's up?

1:20:48 Guest I have a three-year-old daughter who masturbates.

1:20:53 Drew What exactly do you mean?

1:20:55 Guest She doesn't stick her fingers in her vagina, but she will start breathing very heavily, and I guess rub her hand on her vagina. And I've talked to a lot of pediatricians. They said, just leave her alone.

1:21:08 Drew Yeah, leave her alone. That's okay.

1:21:09 Guest It's something that, you know, to go through.

1:21:12 Adam Drew, you turned the hose on your daughter when she did that, right?

1:21:14 Drew I have a rolled up paper I use.

1:21:17 Adam But sometimes when Drew was on the sofa and too drunk to get off it, he just squirt her.

1:21:21 Drew Ammonia.

1:21:22 Adam He put ammonia in a squirt bottle and squirted at her. You know, she got the message.

1:21:26 Drew No, your kids do that. That's okay.

1:21:28 Guest But it's getting really uncomfortable because she's starting to breathe very heavily.

1:21:33 Drew Is there anything else going on in the house? Any chaos or any problem where she might have been abused in some way?

1:21:38 Guest Well, about, I don't know, eight months ago, my niece was here and they were about the same age, about nine months apart, and grandma was like, okay, where are the girls? And she found them with their pants down in the bathroom. That's when my daughter started masturbating.

1:21:54 Drew Uh-oh. What were they doing in the bathroom?

1:21:56 Guest They were, when my mom walked in, they were with their pants down.

1:21:59 Drew You don't know what they were doing.

1:22:00 Guest We don't know what they were doing. They said they were showing each other their privates. Oh, boy.

1:22:05 Adam There was a loofah missing, though, Drew. This is a little suspicious.

1:22:08 Guest After that is when my daughter started.

1:22:10 Adam All right. Well, hold on a second, Drew. All right. Anne? Yes. Drew and I have, we haven't had this argument in a while, but I just believe this stuff goes on nonstop pretty much, especially showing the privates and that kind of stuff.

1:22:23 Drew Oh, yes, it does. Absolutely. But then the masturbating starting afterwards, it makes you sort of suspicious of something going on.

1:22:28 Adam Except for the girl who was with her was three years old.

1:22:33 Guest She's like nine months older than my daughter. They're about the same age.

1:22:36 Adam So this was how many months ago?

1:22:39 Guest This was about nine, ten months ago.

1:22:42 Adam Yeah. So your daughter's like two and this girl's three?

1:22:44 Guest Two and three. Yeah. So now they're three and four. Yeah.

1:22:48 Adam All right. You have a husband?

1:22:52 Guest Yes.

1:22:52 Adam Does he have some porn lying around or something? She's seen a movie?

1:22:56 Guest No.

1:22:57 Adam Nothing like that?

1:22:58 Guest I don't allow it in the house.

1:22:59 Adam Well, that's the problem. Oh, he has to jack off out in the yard?

1:23:03 Guest No, he can order a movie for himself if he wants to, but I don't allow-

1:23:07 Drew He lives in a hotel?

1:23:08 Guest I'm sorry?

1:23:09 Adam He brings it. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah. When you say you didn't allow it in the house, I pictured like a VCR and TV out in the yard.

1:23:14 Caller No, it's in my garage.

1:23:16 Adam Really?

1:23:17 Caller I'm just kidding.

1:23:18 Adam That's not a bad call though. Hey, I'm putting a urinal in my garage.

1:23:24 Drew That's going to be your party garage?

1:23:26 Adam Yeah. How cool will that be? Urinal in the garage?

1:23:30 Drew I mean, will it be with a door? Just block-wrapped to it.

1:23:33 Adam I think it would have to be just out in the open.

1:23:35 Drew It would be like a bar on one end of the garage and a urinal on the other.

1:23:39 Adam Just a nice urinal right against the wall and I'm putting a urinal downstairs too.

1:23:43 Drew Will it have a little metal divider?

1:23:46 Adam Yeah. I believe the urinal is underutilized in residential use.

1:23:53 Drew Right.

1:23:54 Adam I mean it's all over the place. Everyone agrees it's the world's greatest commercial application. But you'll never see one in a house and it wouldn't be bad.

1:24:02 Drew You know the one that's sort of halfway up the wall or the one that's down to the floor level?

1:24:06 Adam I'm going with the one that's halfway up the wall. I'm not big into the splatter on the shoes. Yeah. I'm looking forward to that. All right. Speaking of the urinal, Drew, what do you say we cross some swords, brother? We'll be back after this.

1:24:21 Caller Yo, Loveline will be right back, homie.

1:25:01 Adam Yeah, it is Loveline. I'm Adam, that is Drew. So take a ride back to the phones here. Jose?

1:25:08 Caller Yes.

1:25:09 Adam You're 19.

1:25:10 Caller Huh? Yes.

1:25:11 Yes.

1:25:13 Adam Oh, boy. Let's listen. Let's listen for our voice. Here it comes. I knew we were coming sooner or later. Hold on. Jose, don't do anything. Let's try it again. All right, we'll say howdy on the count of three. Ready? All right. One, two, three. Howdy!

1:25:37 Caller Howdy, how you doing?

1:25:39 Hold on. Jose, don't do anything.

1:25:41 Caller How you guys doing over there? Shh, shh.

1:25:50 Adam This is fun. I want to leave myself a reminder. Adam, don't forget wallet and keys from studio. I want to leave myself a reminder.

1:26:05 Adam, don't forget wallet and keys from studio.

1:26:09 Adam Oh, yeah, that's right. I got my keys and my wallet. All right, hold on, Jose. Hold on.

1:26:16 Wait.

1:26:17 Adam It's a delay. Watch this. Jose, turn your radio down. I put them on hold.

1:26:21 Drew There you go.

1:26:22 Adam So we'll check back with him.

1:26:24 Drew When he gets the message. Yeah.

1:26:25 Adam He'll get the message in what is it, about seven, eight seconds?

1:26:28 Drew Yeah. Let's go on to the next call in the meantime.

1:26:30 Adam I bet he has it by now. How many seconds?

1:26:32 Drew He has it.

1:26:33 Adam Oh, there. We got it.

1:26:34 Drew Four.

1:26:35 Adam Jose?

1:26:35 Caller Yes.

1:26:36 Adam Okay. The radio down?

1:26:37 Caller Yes.

1:26:38 Adam Nice. What's going on, brother?

1:26:40 Caller Well, I met this 19-year-old girl and I don't want to be with her. I've told her time and time again that I don't like her. I don't want to be with her. I have nothing to say to her. She still keeps bugging and bugging and bugging.

1:26:53 Adam Well, you're too good a lay, you're too good a looking, you're too well hung.

1:26:56 Caller Yeah.

1:26:57 Caller Yeah.

1:26:59 Adam Oh, and you still got the radio up. And you're too smart. And you're partially retarded. Maybe she's a social worker or something. Is she trying to get you to put a hockey helmet on or does she keep calling you because she wants dates?

1:27:10 Caller She wants dates and I don't want to go out with her.

1:27:12 Adam All right. Well, that's rough. There's nothing you can do, though. There's really nothing. You have to date her. There's nothing. What do you do, Drew? She keeps calling. My penis is so big, I can't ride a bicycle. What should I do? Josh?

1:27:25 Hello?

1:27:26 Adam You're 16.

1:27:27 Caller Yeah.

1:27:27 Adam What's up?

1:27:28 Drew Hey, Josh. What's going on?

1:27:28 Caller What's up? I smoke a lot of blood like every single day.

1:27:33 Drew Fine.

1:27:33 Caller A couple of nights ago, I woke up in the middle of the night and I just threw up some black stuff.

1:27:39 Drew Black stuff?

1:27:40 Caller Black.

1:27:41 Adam Well, did you eat a bunch of Oreos before you went to bed?

1:27:44 Drew Black and vomit is considered old blood until proven otherwise. Have you taken any Motrin or anti-inflammatories?

1:27:51 Caller It looks nasty.

1:27:52 Drew Taken any aspirin or anything like that?

1:27:54 Caller No.

1:27:55 Drew Been drinking a lot that night?

1:27:57 Caller I think, no, I didn't, no.

1:27:59 Adam You drink any bong water?

1:28:01 Drew Again, don't take any aspirin, any Motrin.

1:28:05 Caller Well, if you get bong water in your mouth, that'll cause that.

1:28:07 Adam Oh, boy. If you had any aspirin or Motrin?

1:28:12 Caller Yeah, no, no.

1:28:14 Adam No.

1:28:14 Caller I haven't had none of that.

1:28:15 Drew Nothing like that. You take no medication.

1:28:18 Caller Nope.

1:28:19 Drew Well, you ought to have looked into it, because really, until proven otherwise, black is blood, old blood.

1:28:25 Caller Yeah?

1:28:26 Drew Yeah. It needs to be checked out. Okay?

1:28:28 Adam All right, Josh.

1:28:29 Caller All right.

1:28:30 Adam Listen, keep smoking weed so you can't be employed later on in life.

1:28:34 Caller That's right.

1:28:35 Adam Don't worry. You live. Your parents will kick off soon. You can just stay at the house.

1:28:38 Caller Yep.

1:28:39 Adam Okay?

1:28:39 Caller I love you, dude.

1:28:40 Adam Yeah, do they have some kind of insurance policy or something? You get a little money for yourself?

1:28:45 Caller I guess.

1:28:46 Caller Oh, boy. I don't know.

1:28:47 Adam It's important that you'll be set up.

1:28:49 Caller What?

1:28:51 Adam What I'm saying is, is you're going to need to have money to live.

1:28:54 Caller Yeah.

1:28:54 Adam And you're not going to be able to make any.

1:28:56 Caller Get a job.

1:28:57 Adam No, no, no, no. You're unemployable.

1:28:59 Drew Car wash.

1:29:01 Adam You can work at a car wash or a surf shop. Which one do you want to work at? Or a video store?

1:29:06 Caller Surf shop.

1:29:07 Adam Or you could be a carpenter.

1:29:09 Caller All right.

1:29:10 Adam All right, Josh.

1:29:11 Caller All right.

1:29:11 Adam Are you a surfer? What? Do you surf?

1:29:14 Caller No, I'm a biker.

1:29:15 Adam Oh, you're a biker?

1:29:16 Caller Yep.

1:29:16 Adam What do you ride?

1:29:18 Caller I ride a cruiser.

1:29:19 Adam Oh, okay. All right, Josh.

1:29:21 Caller I learn.

1:29:22 Adam All right. Wow. All right. We're rolling here, Drew? Yep. Oh, we got some popcorn. Andrea?

1:29:28 Caller Um, yeah. First of all, Drew and Adam, I'd like to say I listen to you guys every night. You guys freaking rule.

1:29:34 Drew Thank you.

1:29:35 Adam Thanks, toots.

1:29:36 Caller Yeah. And I'm from Napa. And I'd also like to say that everybody from Silverado Middle School, like, listens to you and, like, loves you.

1:29:44 Drew Oh, that's cool.

1:29:45 Adam Where are you calling from?

1:29:46 Drew Napa.

1:29:46 Caller Napa.

1:29:47 Adam Ah, Napa.

1:29:47 Caller Napa, California.

1:29:48 Adam Wow, that sounds too normal a place to grow up. Is it? Is it nice?

1:29:54 Caller Yeah, it really is nice.

1:29:55 Adam Is that wine country there? Oh, yeah.

1:29:58 Caller Exactly. Well, there's not really much to do if you're, like, just, you live here. I mean, if you're a tourist, it's fun, but, you know, you get sick of it sometimes, you know.

1:30:06 Adam Is it north of San Francisco?

1:30:09 Caller Yeah, north, north, yeah.

1:30:11 Adam All right. How far north is that of San Francisco?

1:30:15 Caller I'm not sure.

1:30:16 Adam All right. So everyone over there at the middle school listens.

1:30:20 Caller Yeah.

1:30:21 Adam God bless them.

1:30:22 Caller Yeah. I mean, God, me and my friend, Jared, like, talk about you every day.

1:30:26 Caller All right.

1:30:27 Adam Good. I'm going to raise a toast to you tonight when I drink my wine that I thought was special from the airline.

1:30:35 Caller Thank you.

1:30:36 Adam All right. What's up, Andrea?

1:30:39 Caller Well, sometimes when I urinate, I have an orgasm. I want to know if that's normal or should I see a doctor about it?

1:30:47 Adam Wow. I'd be scared to do anything.

1:30:49 Drew Are you sexually active?

1:30:51 Caller Yes.

1:30:51 Drew You are. 14.

1:30:53 Adam Well, there isn't much to do up there at Napa.

1:30:55 Caller Yeah.

1:30:58 Adam Who you getting it on with, that Aldo Celli? What's that guy's name? Ernest and Julio Gallo? Who's banging you, the Gallo brothers? Yeah.

1:31:09 Drew In my experience, mostly when something like that is happening so easily and spontaneously, it's due to some sort of irritation or infection down there. You've been having anything else going on?

1:31:17 Caller No.

1:31:18 Caller I mean, I've been to the doctor. They basically, I asked them if I have an infection or anything. They say, no, I'm fine.

1:31:26 Drew Did you tell them about this problem, this experience?

1:31:29 Caller Yeah. But they said they can't really diagnose me with anything.

1:31:32 Drew Was it, is it after you've been having sex that this happens?

1:31:36 Caller Sometimes, yeah.

1:31:37 Drew Yeah. Sometimes that can happen with a sort of persistent sort of irritability.

1:31:41 Adam But are you having the orgasm during sex, too?

1:31:44 Caller Yeah. Well, I mean, I really never been with the guy with the big dick, so I can't really say that I've had fun.

1:31:51 Drew Had what?

1:31:52 Caller I can't really say I've had fun, yeah.

1:31:54 Adam How many guys have you been with?

1:31:56 Caller Just two.

1:31:57 Adam Just two?

1:31:57 Drew At 14. How old were the guys?

1:31:59 Adam Eleven and nine.

1:32:01 Drew How old?

1:32:02 Caller No, they've either been 16 or 17, and it's really extremely weird because...

1:32:08 Adam They both been small?

1:32:10 Caller Yeah, they've been very small.

1:32:12 Adam Maybe you've got to lower your sights a little bit. How big do you figure the penis needs to be?

1:32:19 Caller Well, I mean, it should be good enough to where I can feel it, but I mean, he has to use his finger to actually make me orgasm.

1:32:27 Drew Yeah, but that's kind of normal.

1:32:29 Adam He has to use the finger with the penis?

1:32:31 Caller No.

1:32:32 Adam No. I see. Just the finger solo.

1:32:35 Caller Yeah.

1:32:35 Adam Yeah, but yeah, that happens a lot. She's never felt more inadequate in front of a 14-year-old.

1:32:44 Caller Well, yeah, I mean, but you think that-

1:32:45 Adam I'm recoiling.

1:32:47 Caller You think I'd enjoy it from his penis, but-

1:32:50 Adam Yeah, you would.

1:32:51 Drew Yeah, but that's normal.

1:32:52 Adam Yeah, that's a 14. I don't think you enjoy intercourse that much at 14 as a female. All right.

1:32:59 Drew The intercourse part.

1:33:00 Adam Slow down a little there, Andrea.

1:33:02 Drew I think, again, there's some irritability that goes on after orgasm. Some women experience sort of persistent small orgasms after sex.

1:33:08 Adam All right, Drew, I'm going to create a diversion. You go for that popcorn. You ready?

1:33:12 Drew Go for it and pour it?

1:33:13 Adam Yeah, on the count of three.

1:33:14 Drew All right.

1:33:14 Adam What about- No, I didn't- What's the count of three mean to you? Oh. Forget it now. Just point-

1:33:21 Drew I didn't hear count of three.

1:33:22 Adam I was going to create a diversion.

1:33:23 Drew I thought you were doing it.

1:33:25 Adam It's too late now. Everyone knows you're eating popcorn. Desiree?

1:33:28 Caller Yeah.

1:33:29 Adam You're 15?

1:33:30 Caller Yeah.

1:33:30 Adam Talk to my good friend, Drew, for a moment.

1:33:32 Guest Okay.

1:33:33 Drew What's up, Desiree?

1:33:34 Guest Hi. Yeah, I just- I don't know why, just I like to watch my parents have sex.

1:33:41 Drew Oh boy. How is it that you were able to do that even?

1:33:45 Guest I don't know. At first, it sounded funny.

1:33:48 Drew You mean you heard them and you went and just watched?

1:33:50 Guest Yeah.

1:33:51 Drew Oh boy. How long has that been going on for?

1:33:54 Caller Like a year.

1:33:55 Drew So it started when you were 14?

1:33:57 Guest Yeah.

1:33:57 Drew Do they have any idea you're doing this?

1:33:59 Guest I don't think so.

1:34:01 Drew How do you pull that off?

1:34:03 Guest Just- I'm just quiet. I go through the hall and I just open the door a little bit.

1:34:09 Drew Wow.

1:34:10 Caller Because my parents' door, they don't have a lock.

1:34:13 Adam See? And the door is shut though, right?

1:34:17 Guest Sort of. Yeah. It barely closes. It's an old house.

1:34:22 Drew How do you feel about this?

1:34:24 Guest I don't know.

1:34:25 Adam Well, you sound a little ashamed by it or something.

1:34:29 Guest Yeah.

1:34:29 Adam Because if I was looking at the back of my dad's nutsack, I'd probably kill myself right now.

1:34:34 Drew It's a lot to deal with.

1:34:36 Adam All right. Here's the deal, Desiree. It's okay. You're curious. Fine.

1:34:42 Drew You're not three. You're not six. You're not eight.

1:34:44 Adam Don't feel like a crazed mad woman, but don't do it anymore.

1:34:48 Drew Okay.

1:34:48 Adam There's nothing wrong with you. You did it. I wouldn't broadcast it around except for the way you're broadcasting it right now. Actually, literally broadcasting.

1:34:56 Drew Literally.

1:34:57 Adam But don't tell anybody and stop doing it.

1:35:00 Drew Okay. You don't want to get caught doing something like that. Your parents will not feel good about it.

1:35:05 Adam All right. We'll be back.

1:35:07 Caller Back once again with the Love Line.

1:35:09 Caller Love Line. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew will be right back before you know it.

1:35:49 Adam Yep, all right, that is it. Another show in the can. We'll be back tomorrow night. Until then, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:35:57 Caller Well, if you get mongwater in your mouth, that'll cause that.

1:36:02 Caller Okay, let's do it.

1:36:07 Caller Well now.

1:36:17 Caller Loveline is produced by Ann Wilkins Engold.

1:36:19 Caller Now, please enjoy these birds.

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Sunday, April 30, 2000