Episode 1000754887730

1:13 Adam It's Loveline, I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Bruce filling in for Dr. Drew. Dr. Bruce is a board-certified physician, addiction medicine specialist, and does emergency medicine, and so he is on top of his game.

1:24 Dr. Bruce What are you laughing at?

1:26 Adam I'm laughing because Bruce said before the show, well, tomorrow when I come in, I'll bring some coffee. And I said, oh, Christ, you're coming in tomorrow? And he said, and Tuesday, and I almost fell off my chair. And he said, thanks for boosting my self-esteem. But seriously, the reason you are here, Bruce, is because you bring a thermos full of your wife's rocket fuel in here, and I notice you've dropped the ball on that, and I appreciate you getting back with that, because again, that is the reason we select you over other doctors.

1:58 Dr. Bruce I was testing my value, you know, I thought maybe by now it's more than a cough.

2:01 No, not a good idea.

2:03 Adam Not a good idea. Dr. Bruce, pardon me, Dr. Drew is in Washington, DC and allegedly speaking in front of Congress.

2:13 Dr. Bruce Really?

2:14 That's what I hear.

2:16 Adam And that's tomorrow. And I don't know if it's covered on C-SPAN, but I hope somebody shows up on the video camera because I'd like to see all those people napping while through a talk.

2:25 Dr. Bruce I'd like to get a Dr. Drew, whatever you call him, sound bite in there without him knowing it in Congress.

2:30 Adam In bio, out of context, Drew dropped. And by the way, I didn't know they let qualified people speak in front of Congress. I thought it was only models and celebrities. I didn't know Hollywood types. Yeah, I didn't know. I didn't know they actually let people know what they're talking about speaking in front of Congress. Anyway, I should tell you now, because it's 10 o'clock and because it's Sunday night, The Man Show is on right now on Comedy Central. And this is the best of. This is huge. Oh, this is no cop out. You know these other shows where they do like a best of thing. It's kind of a cop out. They didn't feel like right in another show. This is from the Playboy Mansion and this is all the best bits. Like out of the 100 best bits, we narrow them down to 7 or 8 and that's what you're going to see tonight. It is tremendous.

3:19 Dr. Bruce So you want people to listen to this and watch because I'm sure you would want them to turn off this fine.

3:23 Adam Just leave the radio on, turn it down a little bit and put it on the Fabulous Man Show on Comedy Central.

3:30 Dr. Bruce Maybe we should recommend tuning in to drdrew.com instead.

3:37 Adam No, there's nothing going on there. He's in Washington DC. He's banging a page right now. Are you kidding me? Are you ready to go to the phones, Bruce? I do like Bruce. Bruce is a good time. Bruce has hobbies. That's what I like about him. BJ, I mean, BG.

3:53 Hey.

3:54 Adam Hey, you're 20. Yeah.

3:56 Caller Hey, yesterday, I, I was like, I was, wait a second.

4:05 Adam Turn the radio down there, BG.

4:10 Caller Sorry.

4:10 Adam All right.

4:11 Caller Okay. The other day, I like masturbated excessively like three times and today I feel like I have freaking hernia.

4:20 Adam Three times as excessively?

4:22 Caller To me it is.

4:23 Adam You're 20 years old.

4:25 Caller Yeah.

4:25 Adam I'm 36. I peeled off a deuce this afternoon. I don't know what your problem is.

4:31 Dr. Bruce And so you hurt inside or outside?

4:33 Adam Sunday is my people's Sabbath. So I like to, you know, I don't go to church, but I pay tribute to my maker anyway. I can't liquid. Thank you. A liquid homage. Three times in the course of what period of time?

4:46 Caller In the course of 24 hours.

4:47 Adam Oh, how dare you?

4:49 Dr. Bruce You have to work your way up to it.

4:53 Adam Where's the pain?

4:55 Caller It's kind of on the right side of my abdomen.

4:58 Adam Yeah, that's not from, I don't know. Here's the thing about masturbating. Here's what I want to say. You can do injury to yourself not from masturbating, but you can injure yourself from masturbating and or sex not from the act itself, but it's that if you were doing sit ups, you would have stopped. You know what I'm saying? If you were jogging, you would have stopped. If you're watching TV, you would have got up and moved. Do you know what I mean? But the point is, is you're distracted and it feels good. It's kind of how you injure yourself when you're drunk. You don't feel pain quite as much. You have some ideas about doing some stuff without stretching out in the vans. I've pulled a calf muscle or two. You know, the point is, is if I was doing sit ups, I would have stopped half way into it. I'm not if I'm getting it on.

5:48 Dr. Bruce Okay, let's see if he's in a compromising position.

5:51 Adam He's fine. Tim, I labeled him fine. You're 28. What's up?

5:56 Caller Hey, I just found out my girlfriend is a prostitute.

6:01 Adam Oh, I remember when I found that out. Bruce, remember when you found out your wife is a prostitute? It's never easy. We all go through that.

6:09 Caller Yeah.

6:09 Adam Yeah. How did you find that out?

6:12 Caller Well, I found out through, well, some whispers from some friends and then I hacked into her email account and found out, you know, found some stuff there and then, you know, she...

6:29 If you ain't the granddaddy of all liars.

6:32 Adam I don't really believe him. I'm willing to talk to him, but he's got to form sentences. Yeah. All right, Tim, get it, get it in gear, kick it up a notch. You hacked into her account and what did the account say? Well, it... Did I ask him to kick it up a gear and get it moving just a little bit?

6:57 Disqualified!

6:59 Adam No.

6:59 Caller I'll keep Tim. Let me ask him a question.

7:01 Adam No. Tim, you hang out on hold for just a little while longer.

7:05 Caller Collect your thoughts.

7:05 Adam Possibly an hour and 15 or 20 minutes, but maybe it'll only be six or seven minutes. And then when we come back to you, you rattle off your answer or your question. We'll just get it moving. That goes out to everyone. Lorraine?

7:18 Yeah.

7:18 Adam You're 17?

7:19 Caller Yeah.

7:19 Adam What's the problem?

7:21 Okay.

7:21 Caller Like two years ago, I went out with this guy and he was like my first. And it wasn't the thing that he left me right after. It was the thing that I had had him a condom and he didn't use it.

7:34 Adam Well, maybe he used it later on with another one of his bitches.

7:37 Caller No, I don't know about that.

7:38 Adam Let's give the guy credit.

7:39 But.

7:41 Adam You gave him a condom. He didn't use it.

7:42 Caller Yeah, exactly. He didn't use it.

7:44 And now I'm like disgusted whenever I'm with a guy.

7:47 Caller I mean, I don't have sex with them. I mean, even if I'm just kissing me, it just disgusts me.

7:52 Adam How long ago did this incident happen?

7:55 Caller Two years ago.

7:56 Adam Two years.

7:56 Dr. Bruce When you were 15, how old was he?

7:59 Caller He was 17 and a half.

8:01 Adam Yeah. And do you feel like you were in love with him and he broke your heart?

8:05 No, it's just that he disgusted me.

8:07 Caller At first, yeah, I cried and cried, but I was more afraid of getting like a disease.

8:12 Dr. Bruce Well, that's how long how long had you known him before you had sex with him?

8:16 Caller About a month.

8:17 Dr. Bruce Okay. I think the lesson that you should learn from this is maybe a different way to approach relationships. Get to know the guy maybe a lot longer before you decide to have sex with him.

8:27 Adam A month when you're 15 is like a year and a half when you're 30. I mean, dog years. That's plenty long.

8:33 Dr. Bruce Yeah. This guy, you would...

8:34 Adam Think about how long that period was from November to the time you broke for Christmas break when you're in the 10th grade.

8:41 Dr. Bruce Right.

8:41 Adam All right. That's plenty time.

8:42 Dr. Bruce Don't you think you would have figured this guy out if you'd waited longer? You would have seen signs that he was a dirtbag.

8:48 Yeah. All right.

8:49 Adam But Lorraine, here's the real question. Why are all men bad? How come you're so screwed up over one bad outing? What's going on with you?

8:58 Caller What do you mean exactly?

8:59 At home?

9:00 Adam All right. What's going on at home?

9:02 Caller Oh, well, my parents are getting deported. Yeah. My dad was a really abusive guy.

9:09 Adam Yeah, your dad's abusive. All right. So that's probably why you think guys are yucky.

9:14 Dr. Bruce Had you connected that before? Did you figure that out?

9:17 Caller I kind of thought about it after a while, but I didn't think, you know, right away. I didn't try to put two and two together.

9:25 Adam Let me tell you something, Lorraine. This is very important and very important for guys to listen to this, too. Men are not horribly affected by their relationship with their mothers. They are to some degree, but it's just not that much. They're a little more durable. Maybe that's just because they're a little more thick-headed. They have a reptilian brain. Not that much gets through. But women, the relationship you young girls growing up have with your daddy is paramount to the way you're going to look at men for the rest of your life and all your relationships with the opposite sex. Don't let it run your life. Your dad's an A-hole. He was an abusive. That doesn't mean you got to hook up with an A-hole. That doesn't mean you have to be freaked out by guys. There's a lot of good guys out there. Unfortunately, your dad bent your antenna, and you may not be attracted to those good guys. But work on that, and you'll be attracted to the good guys, and then you don't have to worry about it. Not every guy is your dad. Actually, only three guys are your dad.

10:22 Dr. Bruce Okay. I'm not going to tell you who they are. Just knowing what Adam told you isn't going to solve your problem. Really, you need to go to a counselor and work through some of this stuff. Okay. Did you go get a pelvic after you had intercourse with the guy? I looked fine. Okay, good. All right. Talk to somebody.

10:37 Adam You're asking questions. You're only 17. That's fine. You'll be fine.

10:40 Thank you.

10:41 Adam All right. Just don't get pregnant.

10:42 I won't.

10:43 Adam All right. I don't know why women. Women, I'll tell you. You meet a woman, ask her what she thinks of her dad. If she says, I hope that son of a bitch rots in hell. You're screwed. You're screwed. You're screwed, guys. And there's no way of getting around it. You just can't get around it. And if they love their daddy, not too much, but they have a healthy respect and love for their daddy, you're in great shape. And if not, you're asked. You just are. Understand that. For ask it on the first date.

11:14 Dr. Bruce How many girlfriends have you had that loved their daddy? Healthy ones, to be honest.

11:19 Adam How many healthy girlfriends have you had? Well, first off, any girl who loves her daddy will be healthy.

11:26 Dr. Bruce Right.

11:27 Adam So you're asking kind of a non sequitur there or kind of an oxymoron or something. You know what I'm saying?

11:36 Dr. Bruce How many healthy girlfriends have you had?

11:39 Adam Probably had two or three. And the ones that love their daddy love you. And the ones that hate their daddy, they love you real hard for a while. But then they go south. And because you are their daddy. Matt.

11:55 Dr. Bruce Hello.

11:55 Adam You're 14.

11:56 Dr. Bruce Hey.

11:57 Adam And for you girls, you don't become the guy's mommy unless the guy's Jewish. And then it's mommy and grandma. It's Nana and mommy. Matt, what's up?

12:07 All right. A week ago, I was at a party with my friends and we were just screwing around and riding on the back of a car. And I fell off and cracked my head. So I have a three inch fracture in the back of my skull. And I was in the hospital for a week. And now I'm out and I feel fine. And I'm wondering how much smoking pot is going to affect like the healing process.

12:28 Adam It could leak out of that crack, right? Is that what you're asking? You gotta wear a hat.

12:34 No, it didn't break the skin. Crack the skull.

12:37 Adam All right. Bruce, I know you're going to chime in with more of your nonsense, but here's the reality. You already rattled your brain in your 14. Just give it a little rest.

12:47 Caller Really?

12:48 Adam Well, it's not like the bones aren't going to mend because you got THC in your system. It's more like you're 14, you're stupid enough to be riding around the back of a pickup truck surfing while the guy's going 35 around a corner and you're holding a wine cooler. And now you're going to put pot on top of that. You do a few years of that, and by four years from now when you're 18, you'll be all ready to move into your parents' garage and get yourself a job at the Arby's.

13:14 Dr. Bruce How much were you smoking before this?

13:16 Caller Not that much. Just a little bit every once in a while.

13:20 Dr. Bruce Well, the thing with a fracture skull, any kind of head injury, you know, a concussion, you don't have to lose consciousness. When you hit your head, there's a lot of stuff that goes on inside the brain that's not good. It takes time for a lot lesser injury to heal up. So smoking pot and scrambling your brain synapses more, it's just going to take longer for you to get your thinking back straight. You may feel like you're back to normal now, but marijuana has a lot of effects in terms of your cognitive abilities and Bruce, you're not a pot guy.

13:52 Adam I can tell you're not a pot guy.

13:53 Dr. Bruce You know why?

13:54 Adam Because you're one of these guys that gets weird and paranoid when you get high. You know why? You're a sugar guy. Sugar guys aren't pot guys. I mean you're a sped up guy. Pot guys get into sugar after they get high, but you're like a speed up guy.

14:10 Dr. Bruce And you base this on extensive.

14:11 Adam I know, listen, I know the personalities that match up well with the weed. And you're too sped up. You're too schizzy as it is. You're like a greyhound or whippet. You know what I mean? They don't need... Weed doesn't work well with those personalities. You freak out when you get high, right?

14:31 Dr. Bruce No. I smoked in high spirits.

14:33 Adam Are you high now?

14:34 Dr. Bruce No. Unfortunately, I think it might... But when Snoop was here that time, I think...

14:38 Adam You gotta look on that.

14:39 Dr. Bruce That was really quite...

14:41 Adam Bruce just asked Daniel, our phone screen, to get him a coffee. And he said, and I quote, put 12, no, 10 sugars in it. And he was deadly serious. He wasn't kidding around. Like, when's the last time you heard a guy order a cup of coffee and say put 10? Well, actually, he's cutting back. Put 12, no, 10 packets of sugar in it. Now, if you're sitting at a coffee shop with this guy, you'd start laughing, right? He said that to a waitress, you think he was screwing around? You're dead serious, aren't you, Bruce? You gotta come in with your coke analogy. Yes. Very good. Shut up. What do you mean, excellent? I gotta be Kreskin to figure out you're crappy rap? You got three analogies.

15:22 Dr. Bruce Forget Kreskin, you never addressed that. You drink a Coke, you got 12 teaspoons of sugar in there. You sit there going, wow, look what I'm doing.

15:29 Adam I'm drinking. No, well first off, I wouldn't drink a Coke past 10 o'clock at night just because of that. And I don't drink a Coke.

15:37 Dr. Bruce Let me tell you, I was reading a study last night, there's no correlation with sugar and attention deficit disorder and any of this other stuff.

15:43 Adam I know. It's all BS.

15:46 Dr. Bruce My teeth are falling.

15:46 Adam I had to grow up in the 70s when everyone thought that everyone became hyperkinetic, as they called it back then, because they ate too much sugar.

15:54 Dr. Bruce That's what they blamed your behavior on?

15:55 Adam I'm going to sue my mom. My behavior? I want to take a nap. Ryan? Ryan?

16:03 Yeah, yeah?

16:04 Adam You're 20. What's up? Sorry to disturb you.

16:07 Caller Okay. Well, no, sorry. Well, basically, for a little history, I was a virgin just up until a few months ago. And, you know, the first couple of times were fine, but I've been having a little trouble keeping an erection.

16:22 Adam I see. So the first couple of times you had no erectile difficulty?

16:27 Caller No.

16:29 Adam Who was this with the first couple of times?

16:31 Caller Well, it's with my current girlfriend. I've known her for about four years and we've been going out for about six months.

16:38 Adam I see. Went out for six months. Now, why were you a virgin to the ripe old age of 20? I don't know.

16:44 Caller I just never, I mean, I never really had a long relationship with anyone for a while.

16:50 Adam All right. So you're not freaked out about sex. It's not a religious thing, just timing.

16:55 Caller Yeah. Okay.

16:56 Adam You're one of the half-nots in life.

16:59 Dr. Bruce You have no medical problems, no diabetes, nerve disorders, back injuries. No. So the problem is there's got to be some anxiety somewhere. There's some insecurity in the relationship. There's something going on because you don't have erectile dysfunction at your age if you're healthy.

17:15 Adam So the thing I can't figure out is it worked out the first couple of times?

17:19 Caller Yeah, it did. I mean...

17:20 Dr. Bruce He's had time to think about the whole thing.

17:22 Caller Hmm? Yeah, it did. And it was fine. And then, you know, last few times, basically for the last month, I've been having problems.

17:33 Adam Okay. So the first ten times you did it, the penis worked fine? Co-operated? The first two times.

17:38 Caller Two times.

17:39 Adam Okay, well, you said few or couple. I didn't know if you were talking about a couple of weeks or just two times. So the first two times went swimmingly. Good erection. Kept it for how long?

17:51 Caller You know, about ten, fifteen minutes.

17:53 Adam All right. And everything was good. And then the third time, couldn't get it up.

17:57 Caller Yeah.

17:58 Adam Okay, hold on a second. That's bizarre because usually, when you have a few successful outings, it breeds success. Right. Especially if you're a virgin, you get a little bit of a late start, certainly by Loveline's standards. He's about, well, he's 20. He's about nine, nine, ten years late. And that's for the ladies. For the guys, he's 13, 14 years. Our average age of a male losing his virginity is six and a half. And that's white males. The Latino and black ones are down at three, I think, three and three months. I haven't checked it yet. The point is...

18:31 Dr. Bruce You're not used to dealing with these...

18:32 Adam The point is, is he's got no medical conditions. What the hell happened?

18:35 Dr. Bruce He's only had sex... At number three. Only had sex twice. And so if he'd had sex for years and he couldn't get an erection or something happened, it wouldn't bother him. But he's now anxious because...

18:45 Adam All right. Where did it come from, though? Ryan?

18:48 Caller Yeah.

18:48 Adam What, did anything change with your girlfriend?

18:51 Caller No, not really. I mean, as far as the relationship goes, it's been going great.

18:56 Dr. Bruce Is she more experienced than you are?

18:59 Caller What's that?

18:59 Dr. Bruce Is she had more experience than me?

19:00 Adam Listen, the flip-flop I'm wearing has more experience than Ryan has. Are you kidding me? Are you thinking about that or something?

19:09 Caller Um, I mean, it doesn't... You know, we've been best friends for a while and it really doesn't matter. It doesn't really bother me.

19:15 Adam Right. Okay. Listen, Ryan. Do you not get an erection or do you lose the erection halfway into it?

19:22 Caller I lose the erection halfway into it.

19:25 Adam And can you get it back?

19:27 Caller Um, yeah, I can, but it's really fleeting.

19:31 Adam Yeah. And can you talk about it with her?

19:36 Caller I haven't really. You know, I don't know if I feel really comfortable talking to her.

19:43 Adam Yeah, but here's the thing. You're naked and your penis is blown in the wind. You might as well bring it up.

19:48 Caller Yeah.

19:48 Adam You know what I mean? It's not like you're sitting at the debutante's ball and she asks you to pass the chickpeas and you bring your penis up. You're naked. You were just inside of her or inside somewhere and now your dork is not cooperating. Go ahead and talk about it.

20:08 Dr. Bruce Well, he's dealing with this.

20:08 Adam I think he needs to take the pressure off himself. If it happens, if it happens again, figure it out, work it out, work with it. You're a couple. You guys have known each other for a long time. You're friends for a while. Talk about it. That's fine. Take that pressure off. If you go into the event with the sort of attitude of, hey, if it happens, it happens, and we'll work around it. If it doesn't, great. You take the pressure off, magically it'll work. Danielle, you watching the Fabulous Man show in there? Comedy Central, 10 o'clock? Is it from the Playboy Mansion? Oh, yeah. That's some good comedy going on.

20:43 Yeah, whatever.

20:44 Adam Excellent. Now, where are we? Because I want to come watch it. Are we going to a commercial or what's going on over there?

20:50 In wrestling school right now.

20:51 Adam Oh, I'm at wrestling school.

20:52 Dr. Bruce I'll just do it. I'm going to go watch it.

20:54 Adam We're going to take a little break. Oh, Dr. Bruce filling in for Dr. Drew. He hasn't talked much, so he's doing a great job. We'll be back after this.

21:05 Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191.

21:24 Caller This is Love Line on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz.

21:45 Hey, it's Love Line.

21:48 Adam I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Bruce filling in quite nicely for Dr. Drew. Just watching some of that fabulous man show on Comedy Central. Boy, is that show funny.

21:57 Dr. Bruce I'm not sure it's as funny as you and I here though.

22:01 Adam This is more pathos than it is comedy. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Bill Bellamy will be in here tomorrow. One of the folks who managed to escape MTV and move on to a pretty nice career acting.

22:16 Dr. Bruce Is that what you're going to do?

22:18 Adam No, not me. I'm getting back into construction. Thank you. Fred?

22:23 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

22:23 Adam You're 25. What's up?

22:25 Caller How are you doing, Adam?

22:26 Caller Good.

22:28 Caller Just want to say hello to Bruce and Anderson as well. I got a problem. I have discoloration of the foreskin on my penis being dark-complected. Kind of eye-catching towards my sexual partners.

22:42 Adam Yeah. Yeah, the guys don't like it, huh? No, it is. It is. Nature is a little joke. The darker your skin, the more that... Now, let me ask you this, Bruce. Why does it seem to show up on the dark penis more than it shows up on, let's say, the dark forearm? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I mean, that's... It's an interesting question. I mean, you see, at least you take like a black guy, right? And he gets a cut, let's say, on his bicep. And then it heals. It heals black. You don't have a white streak going down the side of his arm. You know what I mean? Maybe you get a little keloid action, but it's dark. But then somebody screws up with the circumcision, and the guy's got a white halo going around his penis. What's up with that? Is that what you got, Fred?

23:29 Caller Yeah, it's also on the very tip of, I guess, the head of my penis.

23:35 Adam Yeah.

23:36 Caller It's discolored white as well. And I know I was exposed to one of my ex-girlfriends years ago. He told me she had committed it, I think it was.

23:45 Adam Yeah. I don't think that would do it. Here's the point, Fred. This is just God punishing you for something, and there's really nothing you can do about it.

23:54 Dr. Bruce Bruce, there's nothing you can do about it. You are circumcised? No, I'm not.

23:58 Adam Oh, he's not?

23:59 Dr. Bruce No, he's not.

24:00 Adam Well, that's interesting.

24:01 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

24:01 Adam Because he's usually circumcision scarred.

24:03 Dr. Bruce Right. Now, is this something that's changed recently, or that's the way it's always been?

24:07 Caller I'd have to say within a few months, it's developed. At first, I didn't really pay much mind, but it's pretty obvious now.

24:15 Dr. Bruce Okay. So you have increased pigment in that area, it's darker?

24:18 Caller No, it's lighter.

24:19 Dr. Bruce It's lighter in that area.

24:20 Caller I mean, very, very light.

24:21 Dr. Bruce All right. There are things that can cause your pigment to change in your skin. Nowhere else in your body, have you ever had that happen?

24:28 Caller No.

24:28 Dr. Bruce Nothing recent. And the thing to do is just go to your doctor and have him take a look at it, because the way it's shaped, where it's located, there are fungal infections that can cause changes in the way your skin's pigment appears. But it's sort of an interesting complaint to have that-

24:48 Adam What?

24:48 Dr. Bruce The darkness of his, that's a cosmetic concern. I haven't-

24:54 Adam Well, first off, women, eh, eh, they prefer the lights be off anyways. You could shut the lights. Secondly, you could use the condom I use, which is black and has horizontal stripes to make my penis look wider. So that's number two. But three, you hook up with some chick, you hang out with her for a while, she doesn't care. Women are much more forgiving about that kind of stuff than men are.

25:18 Dr. Bruce Right.

25:18 Adam You know what I mean? Plus, whatever penis you got, they just assume all of them are that way.

25:24 Dr. Bruce People have tattoos there.

25:27 Adam Well, yeah. That's a different breed of cat. Michelle?

25:30 Yeah?

25:31 Adam You're 16?

25:32 Caller Yes.

25:32 Adam What's up?

25:33 Caller I take my friend's Adderall. It's attention deficit disorder medicine.

25:37 Adam Right.

25:37 Caller And I take four instead of taking one. And it like makes me all hyper and kind of like, I don't know.

25:45 Adam Is that speed that? Yeah. They, it's weird that they combat speed. They combat sort of hyperactivity with speed.

25:53 Caller Yeah.

25:54 Adam And I don't know why that works.

25:55 Dr. Bruce Because, first of all, the Adderall is a mixture of amphetamines and it creates a long acting form of amphetamine.

26:04 Adam But it's speed, right?

26:05 Dr. Bruce Yeah. Speed is methamphetamine. That's amphetamine. So you're basically taking...

26:08 Adam What's the difference between methamphetamine and amphetamine?

26:12 Dr. Bruce Very... In essence, there's no real difference.

26:15 All right.

26:15 Adam Well, then stop making it sound like there is.

26:17 Okay.

26:18 Adam One you snort, the other you get from the doctor.

26:20 Dr. Bruce Yeah. There's really no difference between going out and buying speed in the street and what you're doing. And you're...

26:25 Caller It's the same term... It's the same like long-term effects and everything like...

26:29 Adam Well, here's the deal. Here's the deal, Michelle. Speed is one of the ugliest drugs.

26:34 Caller Yeah.

26:34 Adam It is really super ugly. I mean, you ever see people that are strung out on speed? They're the ugliest people there are. They're really... It's really an ugly, ugly drug. And you're 16, honey. It's not going to look good for you. I mean, can you slow down with this?

26:51 Caller Yeah.

26:52 Adam You can? Can you just stop it?

26:55 Caller Yeah.

26:55 Adam You think so?

26:57 Dr. Bruce Does she know you've been taking your pills?

26:59 Caller Yeah, she gives them to me because she doesn't like taking, like, stuff, her, like, her, the stuff that doctors give her and stuff. She doesn't take her, um, mad depressive or like antidepressant medicine, so she just gives them to me.

27:10 Dr. Bruce What color are her pills?

27:11 Caller They're blue.

27:12 Dr. Bruce Okay, so she has 10 milligram aderals. And have you been doing this every day for a while?

27:17 Caller I do sometimes, so like, so I don't eat. Sometimes it doesn't make me eat.

27:21 Dr. Bruce Are you overweight?

27:22 Caller No.

27:22 Dr. Bruce Okay.

27:23 Adam Hey, Michelle?

27:24 Dr. Bruce You have a family history of addictions anywhere?

27:26 Caller Yeah, my dad was a heroin addict.

27:28 Adam Yeah. Michelle, listen, listen to me. Why don't you just belt out a couple of kids right now, hunt yourself in the face so you get a nice black eye, knock a tooth out, put some track marks on your right arm and move into a goddamn trailer. Just do it now. Just save yourself. I'm going to take the next four years and condense them into four days. I want you to just take a needle and poke a bunch of holes in your right, the inside of the elbow there. Give yourself a black eye. Pull some of your hair out, knock a tooth out, lose 20 pounds and move into a trailer. Use a rope to hold your pants up and make sure you have a couple of kids that get no attention. I'm telling you what your life is now and I'm impressed with what it's going to be.

28:15 Dr. Bruce I'm impressed that you called. I'm happy that you called, but I'm concerned that you're going to have a harder time stopping that stuff than you think.

28:23 Caller I have another question. Would it make my period be weird if I've been taking that stuff? It affects your period, right?

28:29 Adam Yes, that's right. Snake blood will come out of you for a thousand days and a thousand nights.

28:35 Dr. Bruce Well, yeah, it affects everything. Just the way you're eating on it and your sleep's got to be messed up. When you have a tension deficit disorder, you have not enough dopamine in areas of the brain that are like where you put the brakes on for things. So your brain's going faster. Yet, when people take Adderall, they're taking a low dose compared to... Just for instance, you're taking four of them. The person that takes one of those three times a day, that's not like snorting a line of speed. What you're doing is you're taking a large dose of this stuff and you drink, you smoke pot, you do anything else.

29:10 Adam Oh, yeah, you do everything, baby, right?

29:13 Caller I don't do everything. I smoke weed occasionally.

29:15 Dr. Bruce Right, but you're 16. You've got the genetics for the... You have the disease.

29:20 Adam Well, let's be fair. Her dad was only into heroin. It's not like he was a hard-core drug user. Hey, Michelle.

29:25 Caller Yeah.

29:25 Adam You need to go to some like Alateen and stuff like that.

29:29 Dr. Bruce Well, I think she needs to go to...

29:31 Adam You need to start working on your sobriety at the tender age of 16.

29:34 Dr. Bruce Yeah, do you know anybody that's a counselor that deals with addiction problems?

29:40 Caller I go to, like, counseling and stuff, but my mom made an appointment and another appointment. It's not until a while because it's, like, busy or whatever.

29:47 Adam Yeah, don't you think she should go to, like, some Al-Anon meetings or something? Not Al-Anon. Because her dad was a junkie? Well, what, what?

29:53 Caller My dad, my parents got a divorce when I was five years old.

29:56 Adam All right, hold on a second. What meeting?

29:57 Dr. Bruce You know, Al-A-Teen is fine, whatever the meetings.

30:01 Adam Then I say Al-A-Teen first?

30:03 Dr. Bruce Yeah, then you say Al-Anon first.

30:04 Adam All right.

30:04 Dr. Bruce Okay, well, fine.

30:05 Adam Oh, not Al-Anon. What should, shouldn't she go to these meetings because her dad was a junkie?

30:12 Dr. Bruce Yeah, well, she's already an addict.

30:13 Adam I mean, all right, but she needs one for her dad and she needs one for her.

30:18 Dr. Bruce Right. You're right, Adam. That's fine.

30:20 Adam Okay.

30:21 Dr. Bruce But she needs to get professional help. Well, because I think she's going to have a harder time quitting than just going to 12 step meetings. I think she needs some other help.

30:28 Adam Hey, Michelle, start taking care of yourself, will you?

30:31 Caller Okay.

30:31 Adam You got to stop doing this.

30:32 Caller All right.

30:33 Adam You understand me?

30:34 Caller I understand you, Adam.

30:35 Adam Listen to me, you screwball. And listen to me, all you screwballs out there. The people I knew who were in high school, the people who were F-Ups when they were 16, I see them now, 20 years later. And here's the deal, some of them are dead, and the ones that aren't are still F-Ups. And life sucks as an adult when you're an F-Up. When you're a kid, you're just a rebel. You're just whatever. Hey, you're a troublemaker, you're a fire starter, you're whatever. You get older, you start getting ugly, and you don't have insurance, life sucks. So start taking care of it now.

31:12 Caller Yeah.

31:12 Adam Would you please?

31:13 Caller Yes.

31:14 Adam All right. I'm telling you, I'm telling you everybody, it's great to be an F-Up when you're 16. You just look cool. Girls are pretty and guys are cool. You turn 31, ladies, and you're still an F-Up, you're ugly, because you age fast when you're an F-Up, and life sucks. It sucks to be an adult and not have nice stuff, not have insurance, not be able to take a vacation, not have a life.

31:41 Dr. Bruce You're right with speed, it's a horrible drug, because the person thinks that nobody knows they're doing it and everything's going great and everyone around them knows and things are falling apart and they can't see it.

31:52 Adam Michael? Yeah. You're 14?

31:55 Caller Yeah.

31:55 Adam What's up?

31:56 Caller No, man, I just want to know, like, what's the long-term, and even if there is a term of masturbation.

32:04 Dr. Bruce Long-term effects of masturbation?

32:08 Adam Well, short-term effect is, something comes flying out of your penis.

32:11 Caller Yeah.

32:12 Adam That's short-term. And then long-term is, is you want to do it later on.

32:18 Dr. Bruce No.

32:19 Adam You're done. No.

32:20 Dr. Bruce You're not the sources of information from long time ago.

32:23 Adam Go ahead.

32:23 Dr. Bruce It causes cancer.

32:24 Adam Go ahead, Michael. You're fine. What are you good for? What are you good for a day? Huh? How many times a day?

32:31 Caller Five at least.

32:32 Adam Oh, at least?

32:33 Caller At least five.

32:34 Adam Okay.

32:35 Dr. Bruce What are you concerned about? What did somebody tell you?

32:37 Adam What?

32:38 Caller That like, if you track off a lot, that like, somehow some way you could catch like barges and...

32:46 Dr. Bruce No.

32:46 Adam I'll tell you, when I'm in charge, I'm just going to put a homing beacon on all these guys and sterilize them. I really am. Thank God. He's masturbating like a ferret on a double cappuccino and has no time for the ladies. Jesus Christ. All right. Nothing's going to happen. You keep doing it and don't have any kids. Melissa? You're dirty too?

33:10 Yes, I am.

33:11 Adam What is up?

33:13 I met a guy. I knew him. This is crazy. I met him for a month and a half. And we took off to Reno and got married. Okay.

33:21 That's not the problem.

33:24 Last month... We've been married since July. Last month...

33:27 Adam Hold on, baby. Hey, hold on, hold on, hold on. Are you doing Coke or speed or something?

33:33 Dr. Bruce I'm doing a friend's Adderall.

33:34 Nothing. Nothing.

33:36 Dr. Bruce You're just nervous.

33:37 Yeah.

33:37 Dr. Bruce Okay.

33:38 He was in psycho work for 14 days last month.

33:41 Dr. Bruce Well, what specifically? I mean, there's...

33:43 What happened?

33:44 Dr. Bruce What's wrong with him? Psycho is not a diagnosis.

33:46 Well, okay. He flipped out and went to the funny farm for 14 days of last month.

33:50 Dr. Bruce All right.

33:50 Caller Hold on a second.

33:51 Adam Let's do a little Loveline reenactment. And I've said this many times. We have the world's dumbest callers to the show. And I'm assuming the world's dumbest listeners as well, but I can't account for all of them. But I do know we have the world's dumbest callers. No, she's just a female. I understand. That's her level. But, okay, I'll do a Loveline reenactment. I know Bruce is going to have this up. I'll play the caller Bruce. All you have to do is play yourself. I'm ready.

34:21 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

34:22 Adam He he he flipped out. He went to the psych ward.

34:26 Dr. Bruce But what's wrong with him? What's his exact diagnosis?

34:29 Adam He sheared off a wing nut. Now he's at the Funny Farm.

34:33 Dr. Bruce What? No, Funny Farm is not a place, a psychiatric hospital for people with is he bipolar?

34:38 Cuckoo, cuckoo.

34:40 Dr. Bruce Have you been taking any drugs tonight?

34:44 Adam Melissa?

34:44 Yes.

34:45 Adam All right, babe.

34:45 I swear to God, I'm not doing drugs. He's taken all kinds of stuff. All right. He's taken antipsychotic medicine.

34:51 Adam OK, listen here. Why did you decide it was a good idea to wing off to Reno and marry this guy after a one month courtship?

35:00 One and a half. I just, I thought he was the sweetest guy in the world.

35:04 Adam OK, so what's wrong with you?

35:07 I'm F-ed up too.

35:09 Adam Yeah, what's that?

35:11 I just take Paxil, OK? OK.

35:14 Adam Now we're getting somewhere. Hold on a second. Just because I feel like clutching my side, how many kids do you have?

35:22 I have three that live with me and three that live with their dad. Hold on.

35:28 Adam Oh, my side. Oh, my side hurts.

35:33 Hold on.

35:34 Adam Hold on. Hold on. It feels like a rusty sprinkler key has been shoved into between the two and three rib here on my left. Hold on, baby. I got to take a break. I got to go vomit, cramp and squeeze one of my eyeballs so it pops out of its socks. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on, Bruce. We got to take a break. Oh, my side. What is that? Six kids? Six goddamn kids from Nurse Ranch it over here.

36:02 Dr. Bruce I think you're enlightening her with your role playing here. It's really instructive.

36:06 Caller Oh, oh, oh.

36:08 Dr. Bruce It's five more listeners for The Man Show.

36:12 Adam I'm sure she's a wonderful parent. I think it's just the relationship where she has difficulty. I'm sure she's a wonderful.

36:19 Dr. Bruce Family Night at the Air House is The Man Show.

36:21 Adam Oh, my side. All right, we're going to take a quick break and we'll be back and see if we can't sterilize Melissa after this.

36:47 Caller This is Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz.

37:02 Adam It's Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, that's Dr. Bruce, filling in for Dr. Drew. Well, number 1-800-LOVE-191, Bill Bellamy will be in here tomorrow night. He's a real nice guy, Bill Bellamy, and a talent. And I haven't seen him in a while, so it'll be nice to see him tomorrow night. I'll just watch a little more of the Fabulous Man Show on the Fabulous Comedy Central. Man, it is the best stuff from the Playboy Mansion, and there's some funny ass on the show. Melissa?

37:32 Yes.

37:33 Adam So, you're 32.

37:35 Caller Yes.

37:36 Adam You married a guy who's 24. Six weeks you knew him, and you winged on up to Reno, and you got yourself a kid.

37:43 Caller Yes.

37:44 Adam Now he's in a psych ward.

37:46 Caller No, he's out.

37:47 Adam Oh, he's out. And you have six kids. Five. Oh, five. And how many with him?

37:53 Caller None. None?

37:54 Dr. Bruce I've known him a month and a half.

37:55 Caller He's got two kids.

37:56 Adam No, they got married after a month and a half. I don't know how long they've been together. Oh, okay.

38:01 Dr. Bruce Okay. You're lucky you didn't call one of the more serious radio therapy shows or you would have gotten slapped around.

38:07 Adam Can you be...

38:07 Caller You're slapping me around already.

38:08 Adam Can you be sterilized?

38:10 Caller I am.

38:11 Adam Oh, you are?

38:11 Caller Oh, yeah.

38:12 Dr. Bruce Oh, good. And he is...

38:13 Caller Well, my last one was a set of twins, you know.

38:15 Adam Oh, yeah.

38:16 Dr. Bruce Good.

38:17 Adam I'm sure some family will adopt them and do something with them.

38:19 Caller Yeah, they're mine. I love them.

38:21 Adam You love them?

38:21 Dr. Bruce Yes.

38:22 Caller Where are they?

38:23 Caller They're in bed.

38:24 Caller Oh, really?

38:25 Adam Are you really raising them?

38:26 Caller I am really raising them.

38:28 Dr. Bruce Okay, where's the...

38:29 Caller You took it... What you guys said about that 16-year-old girl who's effin up, I was her back then.

38:34 Adam Oh, yeah.

38:35 Caller And I totally relate it. I've done drugs for many, many, many, many years.

38:40 Adam Now, don't you wish somebody would have given you a black eye, pulled a tooth out, put some track marks on your arms, and given you a couple of twins at 16, so you could have just got the last 15 years over with?

38:51 Caller Yeah, right.

38:52 Adam Yeah.

38:53 Caller No, I wish I would have gotten smart back then.

38:55 Adam Yep. Okay, so.

38:56 Caller You know, I still have the same pattern.

38:59 Adam Oh, baby.

38:59 Caller With men. I'm reading Codependent No More.

39:01 Adam Good, good. When you're done reading it, eat the book, would you?

39:05 Dr. Bruce Listen, where's the new husband?

39:07 Adam Put it in your vagina so you can't have any more kids.

39:09 Dr. Bruce She's sterile.

39:10 Caller He's at his mom's house.

39:11 Dr. Bruce Okay, so you guys are separated or what?

39:13 Caller I just made him give me my house key back and I told him I want to get an annulment. He's begging me to stay.

39:19 Adam What do you do for a living?

39:22 Caller I just work part-time right now for a demo company. I've been with them for four years and I just got a full-time job at the Palace, Indian Gaming Center.

39:31 Dr. Bruce You're going to a therapist and you're taking Paxil and what else? Do you have any insight from this? I mean, it sounds like you're very impulsive. You've got some personality things.

39:39 Adam What do you do at the Indian Gaming Center?

39:41 Caller Oh my goodness. Shipping and receiving.

39:43 Adam Shipping and receiving?

39:44 Caller Yeah.

39:45 Adam You ain't out on the floor.

39:46 Caller Not yet.

39:47 Adam You ain't the greeter who stands at the door and says, Hi, how are you? Hi, how are you?

39:51 Caller No.

39:52 Adam It's a little Indian joke there, buddy. Hi, baby.

39:56 Dr. Bruce What was your question?

39:57 Adam She wanted to know whether to stay with this guy.

39:59 Caller What do I do? He wants me to go see a psychiatrist with him. He wants me to go to his therapy appointments and all this stuff. And I just keep trying to get him out of my life because, you know, bipolar and schizophrenia, it's like, you know, he's going to have that for the rest of his life. All right.

40:15 Adam But hold on there. Yeah. Melissa is treating him like a lame horse that she wants to shoot.

40:21 Caller That's how he's been acting.

40:22 Adam Okay. He's been acting horribly.

40:24 Caller Like crying three or four times a day.

40:26 Adam Okay. He has problems. But you two are married and he wants to go and work out these problems. Most guys don't want to work on their stuff. They want to get drunk and watch TV.

40:37 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

40:38 Adam Why don't you, for the sake of the kids and the marriage, if this guy's getting some help, why don't you agree to go to a few counseling meetings with him or talk to a therapist with him and talk to the therapist about what it is you want to do and tell the therapist about your concerns.

40:53 Dr. Bruce Yeah. And you're saying schizophrenic bipolar sounds like he's probably bipolar and he had a manic episode and he had some psychotic type of things going on with it. But you don't know these. It sounds so if he's on his medication, he may be relatively normal.

41:07 Adam Well, listen, you know he's crazy. He's married Melissa.

41:10 Dr. Bruce Well, it's not. So listen, it's you've got a lot of chaos in your life. You're very impulsive.

41:15 Adam Well, wait a second. Are you going to go against what I just said?

41:18 Dr. Bruce Oh, I.

41:19 Adam Huh?

41:20 Dr. Bruce No, I'm not going. All right.

41:21 Adam Well, then shut up. Let's go to the next call. Go to the counselor with her with the guy. Give him a chance and see how to try to work it out.

41:28 Dr. Bruce Normal call.

41:28 Adam How bad could that be? Sarah.

41:30 Hi.

41:31 Adam You're 16.

41:32 Caller That's right.

41:33 Adam What's up?

41:34 Caller Well, I can never meet guys my own age. And I go to a really big school, but I never get asked out. And I always end up with guys who are either 19, 20, or 21 in that age group. And I just, I don't know what's going on.

41:49 Adam What do you mean you end up with them? You mean under?

41:51 Caller Well, I like, I get hit on by guys who are like up to like 30.

41:55 Adam Right. And you'd like, you'd like to swing with some 16, 17 year olds?

42:01 Caller Yeah. I really like just a nice, yeah, normal high school relationship.

42:08 Adam Yeah.

42:08 Dr. Bruce Have you had relationships with the older guys?

42:11 Caller Um, yeah, like my last real boyfriend was a freshman in college.

42:16 Adam I see.

42:17 Caller My sophomore year.

42:17 Adam Yeah. Are you big?

42:20 Caller Mm, tall.

42:21 Adam You're tall.

42:22 Caller Yeah.

42:23 Adam Yeah. Maybe you're a little intimidating to some of the 15, 16, 17 year old dudes, you know? How's your attitude?

42:33 Caller Um, um, I guess I spend a lot of time alone.

42:37 Dr. Bruce All right.

42:38 Adam Did you have any, you may be freaking these guys out.

42:39 Dr. Bruce Did you have any abuse things going? Do you have any bad experiences with older men when you were younger? Anything happen to you? No. Okay. Girls that mature early, tend to get into more trouble. They have more problems. And it's simply because of the thing, the direction you're going with forming relationships with these older guys. That's inevitable. Apparently, you look old or there's something attractive about you to older men. There's a lot of sick older guys out there. So you've got to just stop that before it goes anywhere. And you don't have to be in a relationship all the time. So you're just going to have to hang out with the kids your own age. I mean, can you say no to these guys? Is there a problem there?

43:22 Caller I get hit on by really old guys a lot. And my last relationship was actually like a really good relationship.

43:29 And it was in like April.

43:30 Adam That was with Wilford Brimley?

43:33 Caller No.

43:33 Adam OK. Hey, Bruce, have you ever laughed at a goddamn thing I've ever said? Just check your mind. Check your mind's eye for a second. I was thinking about that the other day.

43:44 Dr. Bruce Really?

43:45 Adam You have no sense of humor. Do you not find me funny? Or do you actually restrain yourself from laughing no matter what I say?

43:52 Dr. Bruce I see you're laughing quite a bit. Not into the microphone, but yeah, I think you're actually pretty funny. I hate to give you any kind of great...

43:59 Adam I'm not sure if this date's working out. It's important that you worship me. True worships me secretly. Oh, yeah.

44:07 Dr. Bruce Oh, that's, yeah. All right.

44:09 You are my teacher.

44:10 Adam There you go. I'm thinking about breaking a little early so I can go watch that man show. What do we got over there? Are we on a commercial? Anderson, give me the thumbs down. I'm not sure what that meant. We're on a commercial now, Anderson? Well, did we just get into a commercial or we just did?

44:25 Dr. Bruce Why aren't you doing those?

44:25 All right.

44:25 Adam Let's take another call because I love the kids. All right. Angela?

44:29 Yes.

44:30 Adam You're 17? Yeah. You think your one-year-old kid is going to be a psychopath?

44:35 Caller Well, I was with her father for a while and right before I found out I was pregnant, he went into the mental hospital and they told him that he was psychopathic. And they said that it was genetic. And my daughter, she's been really weird. She's been hurting, like, hitting herself. And like when she gets mad, she gets really mad. I've never seen a one-year-old act like that before.

44:57 Adam Alright. So first off, thank god it's a girl so she can get into stripping and not kill people in violent ways on the street. So thank you for having me.

45:05 Dr. Bruce How did he get in the hospital? Was he hearing voices? Was he running around?

45:08 Caller He was hearing voices and then he threw a big brick through his grandma's window because he still liked the bright things that was really expensive because his family had money. And so he went to throw it through his mom's back window of her van, but it missed and it went through the window of his house. And so they called the cops and they came in and took him to the mental hospital.

45:28 Adam I'm sure he was able to explain to his grandmother that he was just trying to take out the rear window of the van.

45:32 Caller Yeah.

45:33 Adam And that she has them all mixed up.

45:34 Caller Yeah.

45:36 Dr. Bruce So there are genetics involved and then there's environmental factors. And I was reading something else recently that was interesting. It was talking about the lack of correlation between the demeanor and temperament of an infant, a young child, and how they are when they grow up. So this is disturbing because on the other hand, it sounds like there may have been a lot of chaos, maybe abuse.

45:59 Adam What should she do?

46:00 Dr. Bruce Well, a good child psychiatrist, I think.

46:03 Adam One year old?

46:04 Dr. Bruce Absolutely.

46:05 Adam Really?

46:05 Dr. Bruce Yeah. I don't know if there have been any abuse issues. You're 17. How old is the guy? There's a lot of stuff here that's unknown.

46:11 Caller But he's not that much older than me. He's only about a year older.

46:14 Dr. Bruce Right. But I mean, it sounded like you probably had a very chaotic environment for this kid's first year. And you don't know what else went on.

46:22 Adam No daddy around.

46:23 Caller Well, yeah, he's not around anymore.

46:25 Adam Right.

46:25 Dr. Bruce The best thing to do, first of all, pediatricians are trained to understand what's normal developmentally, and they will be able to tell you whether or not you need to bring the kid to therapy, child psychiatrist, but they're books.

46:39 Adam Can you sterilize yourself too, baby? Or do something, not to have more kids?

46:44 Caller No, I just, I restrain myself from having sex, that's all I do.

46:47 Dr. Bruce Right. Andrew, you sound like you're a good mom. Go to your pediatrician and share the same concerns.

46:51 Adam All right, we're going to watch the manager, we'll be back.

47:14 Caller This is Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz.

47:19 KQBZ Seattle.

47:20 Caller The average person uses 10% of their brain.

47:23 Dr. Bruce How much do you use?

47:24 Caller One and a half percent. The rest is clogged with malted hops and bong resin.

47:27 Caller Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz. This is Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz.

47:37 Adam Perfect remnant. Gretchen?

47:42 Yeah, hi.

47:43 Adam You're 30, what's going on?

47:44 Caller I have an acne problem. I've been using everything from just their household products. And I remember you mentioned something about a hardware item that works.

48:01 Adam Oh yeah. You're talking about the time when I was 18 or 19 and I was doing a little autobody work and I was reading the ingredients to Bondo. Now Bondo is the stuff they use to fill the dents and holes in the side of your car fender. And Bondo has two agents, like a catalyst and a resin. And you mix them together and they harden. Now it's not clear, but the point is, is the catalyst, the thing that makes it dry.

48:31 Dr. Bruce Benzoyl peroxide?

48:32 Adam It's 90% benzoyl peroxide. I was reading this little tube and I thought to myself, geez, I'm paying five bucks for a thing on oxy-10 and that's 10% benzoyl peroxide. And for five bucks I can get twice as much and this is 90%. So I put a little of that stuff on my zit.

48:48 Dr. Bruce You what?

48:49 Adam Yeah. Put a little Bondo on the zit. It didn't work.

48:52 Caller It didn't work.

48:53 Adam No. Hey, but Gretchen.

48:55 Caller Yeah.

48:55 Adam You can get, what about that Accutane?

48:58 Oh, I don't, I wouldn't try that.

49:00 Adam Why not?

49:01 Caller It's not that bad, but it's noticeable.

49:03 Adam Do you have, yeah, but Drew, Drew takes it. Okay.

49:07 Dr. Bruce Do you have inflammatory, is it inflammatory? Does it, do you have swelling, redness or is it just the pimples?

49:13 Caller It's everywhere.

49:14 Dr. Bruce Okay. Have you used prescription benzoyl peroxide?

49:19 Okay.

49:19 Dr. Bruce Hello?

49:20 Hello.

49:20 Dr. Bruce Have you used prescription medication? Or are you just getting, okay, the prescription stuff is more effective than the over-the-counter stuff.

49:27 Adam What percentage of benzoyl peroxide is that?

49:30 Dr. Bruce Well, it's not the percentage, it's the form.

49:33 Adam Hold on a second. You mean the 10% benzoyl peroxide and oxy-10 that you buy over-the-counter is 10%? When you get the prescription form, it's not more than 10%, it's just a more effective benzoyl peroxide? Right. They don't...

49:48 Dr. Bruce The over-the-counter and the prescription are not in the same... There's a gel and...

49:54 Adam Right. But isn't the percentage higher?

49:56 Dr. Bruce The percentages are the same. You're right. You can get, percentage-wise, an adequate percentage. And the stuff over-the-counter...

50:05 Adam Is the prescription stuff a higher percentage benzoyl peroxide?

50:09 Dr. Bruce You start at the lowest percentage even with the prescription stuff.

50:13 Adam You start at 10%?

50:15 No, you start at a lower percent.

50:16 Adam 5%?

50:17 Dr. Bruce 2.5%.

50:18 Adam Really? Why bother? Why not just kick it up a little?

50:22 Dr. Bruce Okay, let me just ask her a question.

50:25 Adam She's having trouble.

50:26 Dr. Bruce Have you used the antibiotic cream or taken tetracycline?

50:29 Caller No.

50:31 Adam Are you on birth control? Are you on the birth control pill?

50:34 Caller No, I'm not.

50:35 Adam Sometimes a birth control pill will straighten it out for some women.

50:38 Dr. Bruce No, it makes it worse. There are two forms.

50:41 Adam Not for all women. For some women, it helps them.

50:43 Dr. Bruce Well, it usually doesn't help acne, but there are two new progestin forms that don't exacerbate or make worse the acne.

50:53 Adam I'm telling you, for some women, it clears their skin up.

50:56 Caller This is for Dr. Bruce.

50:58 Dr. Bruce Right.

50:59 Caller Okay, like a month ago, a guy tried to fist me, you know, and it didn't work. But ever since then, I've had like a yeast infection, but the doctor said that there was nothing present and I have no disease. So what's going on there? What was on the guy's hand?

51:19 Adam Hold on a second. What is it?

51:21 Dr. Bruce I want to stick with acne.

51:23 Adam Crazy broad night on Loveline? My God, I'm getting an erection. So she goes from the conversation on benzoyl peroxide to the other day this guy was fisting me. Well, all right, hold on a second.

51:39 Dr. Bruce Both medical questions.

51:40 Adam Hold on, let me get to a few things here. Hello? Cratchin? Yeah. Okay, listen to me you crackpot. Are you a little bit nutty?

51:49 Caller Oh, yeah, I am.

51:50 Adam Yeah, what's going on with you?

51:51 Caller Oh, come on. I'm the classic case.

51:54 Adam You got a lot of stuff going on, huh?

51:55 Caller Yeah.

51:56 Adam All right, hold on. I have my left hand on my left side. Where's my appendix? I think it may burst.

52:04 Dr. Bruce It's on the other side.

52:05 Adam Right side?

52:05 Dr. Bruce But your spleen maybe.

52:06 Adam Okay, my spleen. I'll put it on my spleen.

52:08 Caller Hey, where were you 10 years ago or 15?

52:11 Adam How many kids? I was swinging a hammer more miserable than you are.

52:14 Dr. Bruce I was laying carpet.

52:16 Adam How many kids do you have?

52:17 Caller I have none. See, I did the world a favor there.

52:22 Adam Oh, good God. Thank goodness, baby. I'm going to send you on a windbreaker.

52:25 Dr. Bruce Okay.

52:26 Adam Listen, you went to the doctor about the fisting, right?

52:31 Caller Yeah, I went and got checked after that because I was having an yeast infection.

52:34 Adam I see. Was this one of your gentleman friends who wanted to fist you?

52:40 Caller He couldn't get an erection, so I guess he had to make up for it.

52:43 Adam I understand. If I had a nickel for every time I fisted a chick because I couldn't get it up, I'd be a rich man right now.

52:50 Caller He was lame.

52:51 Adam Okay. So Gretchen, let's just focus on your skin for a second.

52:55 Caller Oh, there. Yeah. That's not really a major priority.

52:58 Adam Well, how about, well, that's what you called in about.

53:01 Caller Well, you, because you mentioned that product and I was going to use it, but...

53:05 Adam Okay. That's why you called in. How about going to a dermatologist and asking him for some help?

53:12 Dr. Bruce You could just go to a general practitioner to start, because you haven't done any of the basics. And the mainstay of treatment for acne are still the basics. They're the superficial, you know, the cleosan T and the erythromycin. There are things you can just put on your skin and use the benzoyl peroxide. And it sounds like in your case, that would work just fine.

53:31 Adam All right.

53:32 Caller So what could that be then?

53:34 Dr. Bruce Well, you have persistent yeast infection. You've probably been placed on one. Do you even want to ask?

53:42 Adam I don't even go to the hospital and chain yourself to the vending machine.

53:47 Dr. Bruce Right. Well, it's one of those situations you need to be re-examined. And there are other reasons why yeast infections can persist. And they're not always effectively treated the first time. Probably going over the cotton, the different kinds of clothing.

54:01 Jay?

54:02 What's up?

54:03 Adam You're 20.

54:04 Caller Yeah.

54:04 Adam Yeah.

54:07 Caller Oh, I have a question.

54:08 Adam All righty.

54:09 Caller I had an anal sex with this guy and we had no condom.

54:15 Adam I see.

54:16 Caller And I was just trying it out.

54:18 Adam Sure. It didn't work.

54:29 Caller He was...

54:30 Adam What, um, which side of the penis were you on?

54:33 Caller I was on top.

54:36 Adam You're on top, so you're... The penis was attached to you, or attached to your ass?

54:42 Caller To my ass.

54:44 Adam I see, so his penis was in your ass?

54:48 Caller Yes.

54:51 Adam Should I get a chalkboard out, or are you with me on this one, Bruce? You know where we're at?

54:56 Dr. Bruce He didn't have a condom.

54:57 Adam He had no condom, and his penis was in your ass?

55:00 Caller No.

55:01 Adam I see.

55:03 Caller Well, okay, we tried it, and...

55:05 Adam It didn't work.

55:06 Caller It wasn't working.

55:07 Adam That's good. Maybe his behind had been broken.

55:11 Caller He didn't come in me.

55:13 Adam I see.

55:14 Caller And I was wondering if there was any still danger there.

55:17 Adam Did he get in you?

55:19 Caller No.

55:20 Adam But he tried.

55:21 Caller We tried. For a little while. A while.

55:25 Adam And why do you think it didn't work?

55:28 Caller It hurt, and he was too big.

55:30 Adam I see.

55:31 Dr. Bruce The fact that it hurt is not a good thing, okay? Because that area is not quite as elastic as the vaginal entrance. So you're frequently getting some bleeding, some trauma that you may not even know happened. And there's fluids being released, even though he didn't completely attack him.

55:54 Adam Who was this? Who was this guy?

55:58 Caller Some dude that we hook up every now and then.

56:05 Adam Okay, so I see. So it was this dude. Okay.

56:08 Dr. Bruce Are you bisexual?

56:09 Are you gay?

56:11 Caller I really don't know.

56:12 Adam I'm going with gay. So what happened to you? Anything?

56:17 Caller What do you mean what happened to me?

56:18 Adam Any rape or abuse, molestation, anything like that? What turned you gay? I always love that question.

56:27 Dr. Bruce Oh, yeah. I'm surprised you don't.

56:30 Adam You know of anything, Jay?

56:33 Caller Not that I can think of right now. I mean.

56:35 Oh, my God.

56:36 Dr. Bruce Okay, so do you have a girlfriend also or are you?

56:40 Caller No.

56:40 Adam No, he's gay.

56:41 Dr. Bruce Okay.

56:42 Adam Okay.

56:42 Dr. Bruce All right. So you need to figure out what you're what you're doing. I would until it sounds like you're pretty confused about everything. Don't pick up guys or, you know, hook up with somebody once in a while like this because you're you're at risk already for HIV and you really know. And who knows what else? So the question is, did he?

57:04 Adam Bruce, you're feeling with college like this is they're going to hell. So why should you help them?

57:10 Dr. Bruce No, no. What do you mean?

57:12 Adam You're kind of a Bible thumper.

57:13 Dr. Bruce No. Oh, please.

57:14 Adam A little bit, right?

57:15 Dr. Bruce No. No, that doesn't even enter my mind. I'm concerned. I'm concerned about this guy because I think he's.

57:22 Adam You know, it's kind of weirder than anal sex. Male on male for me is anal sex that goes awry. Anal sex that is unsuccessful. For some reason, it adds a extra level of surrealism to what is already, what I think is already a bizarre act. You know what I mean? Like that old point where you're like trying to get in and you're asking are you in and wait a minute it hurts and you're back there for a while trying to fish your way around.

57:49 Dr. Bruce Have you ever been accused of being homophobic?

57:51 Adam No, that's like, you know, it's like it's like it's like a cop telling you to do it like a field sobriety test that lasts an hour and 15 minutes. You know, like it tells you to walk a straight line but you walk for like a quarter mile. It tells you to do something over and over again. Like it must just get surreal after a certain point.

58:08 Dr. Bruce I hope you're not thinking of future episodes of The Man Show.

58:10 Adam You know what I mean when you're trying to get in a guy's ass and it goes on and goes on and goes on and goes on? No.

58:15 Dr. Bruce Okay, Jay sounds confused.

58:18 Adam Jay needs to just chill out for a little bit.

58:21 Dr. Bruce But he's, let me let me just.

58:23 Adam No.

58:23 Dr. Bruce No, I just want to tell him to go to the doctor.

58:25 He's bisexual.

58:26 Adam He can hear you, you idiot.

58:28 Dr. Bruce Jay.

58:28 What?

58:29 Dr. Bruce Okay, have you seen a doctor since this happened? No. Okay, look, do you have a doctor?

58:34 Adam Why does he need to go to a doctor?

58:36 Dr. Bruce To be examined.

58:37 Adam The guy couldn't get in.

58:38 Dr. Bruce It doesn't matter. He tried to get in. That's enough. So, he didn't have a condom on.

58:43 Adam Oh, what's the doctor going to find?

58:45 Dr. Bruce He's going to do a rectal exam.

58:47 Adam Really? Well, he didn't do anything. He didn't get in. Jay, how's your anus? It's fine. See that?

58:55 Dr. Bruce He needs to go to the doctor to talk to the doctor about the proper use of condoms.

58:58 Adam All right, how about? Oh, he doesn't have to talk to a doctor about that. Listen, Jay, how about you get yourself an HIV test?

59:07 Caller Okay.

59:08 Dr. Bruce Through a doctor?

59:09 Adam No, just go to a clinic and an HIV test, and while you're there, have the nurse give you a couple of condoms to take with you, okay?

59:18 Caller All right.

59:18 Adam All right. Get a little lubrication and slow down. All right? Just relax. He's 20. I hadn't been raped. I was 22 and a half.

59:29 Caller No, you know what I mean?

59:31 Dr. Bruce Okay. No problem since then.

59:33 Adam For me?

59:33 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

59:34 Adam No?

59:34 Dr. Bruce Okay.

59:35 Adam A-hole's just fine. Ask Drew. He was in here last Sunday. Ask him how my ass was working. Working like a Swiss timepiece. Suspicious. Jason. Jason, you're 20.

59:47 Caller Yeah, what's up?

59:48 Adam Yeah. You know what night it is, Jason? It's Sunday weirdo night.

59:53 Caller I guess so, man.

59:54 Adam Yeah. A lot of people having difficulty forming questions, a lot of screwed up older broads, a lot of speed freaks.

1:00:00 Caller Yeah.

1:00:02 Adam Let's not add to that, Jason. Let's ask her a question and get right through this one.

1:00:07 Caller Okay. I've been smoking pot for about two years now.

1:00:09 Adam I see. Every day.

1:00:12 Caller I just quit about a week ago. I was wondering how long it's going to take before I get all the side effects go away.

1:00:19 Why did you quit?

1:00:21 Caller I'm taking really hard courses this semester.

1:00:23 Adam I see. In junior college or regular college?

1:00:27 Caller Regular college.

1:00:28 Adam Wow. Which college?

1:00:30 Caller Cal State Long Beach.

1:00:31 Adam That's kind of a junior college. Hey, can I have your bong?

1:00:35 Caller Sure.

1:00:36 Adam You done with it?

1:00:36 Caller Yeah.

1:00:37 Adam Probably got a lot of resins in there.

1:00:38 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:00:40 Dr. Bruce So Jason, what kind of symptoms are you having now? What side effects are you talking about?

1:00:43 Caller Well, I started forgetting a lot of things. Like I would meet a girl at a party in like two minutes after she told me her name. I couldn't remember it anymore and things like that.

1:00:52 Adam Hey, we had Janine Garofalo on this show three times. She came in six months later. I introduced myself to her. Don't worry about it.

1:01:00 Dr. Bruce OK. When you're using marijuana for a long period of time like that, the way you remembered stuff while you were using it, your brain is not used to not having it there. So you're going to have trouble remembering stuff for a while. It doesn't get out of your system. You've been smoking it that much for two years. It'll take several months for it to completely get out of your system. And the other thing I'm concerned about, people will start when they're 18, smoking every day. There's usually something they're self-medicating for. So you may develop some anxiety symptoms. Depression may come out. Some people have an underlying bipolar disorder. So the thing is to be aware that you may have been self-medicating. And I would talk to... Well...

1:01:47 Adam Bruce, I'm falling asleep here. Let's get to it.

1:01:49 Dr. Bruce What is it? Well, when the effects wear off, it's going to take him several months to know, but frequently people have psychiatric things that show up after they can smoke a pot. Let me talk to him for a second.

1:02:04 Adam That's plenty. Plenty. Tell him to go to, like, a PA or something or an MA.

1:02:10 Dr. Bruce Well, I can't... Can I refer him to a doctor?

1:02:13 Adam A doctor? A specific doctor?

1:02:15 Dr. Bruce No.

1:02:16 Adam No. Just tell him to go to MA. Well, you're not smoking. Give it another few weeks. It'll get out of your system. There you go. Hey, good times. Chris?

1:02:27 Yeah.

1:02:28 Adam You're 16.

1:02:29 Caller Yeah.

1:02:29 Adam What's up?

1:02:31 Caller My girlfriend's pregnant. Or my ex-girlfriend's pregnant.

1:02:34 Adam I see. How old is she?

1:02:36 Caller 18.

1:02:37 Adam I see. And what's up?

1:02:41 Caller I told her that I'd give her $300 a month for child support.

1:02:44 Adam Wow.

1:02:45 Caller And she wants to take me to court.

1:02:47 Adam Jesus. You gotta sell a lot of pot to make an extra $300 a month, don't you?

1:02:51 Caller I stay on working at McDonald's.

1:02:54 Adam Wait a minute. You don't make $300 a month after taxes at McDonald's as it is.

1:02:59 Caller I'm making around $500 a month at McDonald's.

1:03:01 Adam $500 a month?

1:03:02 Caller Yeah.

1:03:02 Adam What did you do? Invent some new burger or something?

1:03:06 Caller No.

1:03:07 Caller I get paid like $6 an hour.

1:03:09 Adam The McStoner? $6 an hour?

1:03:12 Caller Yeah.

1:03:12 Dr. Bruce This guy sounds depressed.

1:03:14 Adam Holy Christ. Let me tell you something, Chris. When I was 16, I worked at the Studio City McDonald's. I made $2.35 an hour.

1:03:24 Dr. Bruce How long ago was that?

1:03:26 Adam Well, when I was 16, 20 years. Time to lean, time to clean. That's what the sign said.

1:03:30 Dr. Bruce How old's your girlfriend?

1:03:32 Caller She's 18.

1:03:33 Dr. Bruce You're not getting along at this point on any level? You're not communicating real well?

1:03:38 Caller Well, I was planning on breaking up with her before she told me she was pregnant.

1:03:43 Adam are you working full time?

1:03:45 Caller Um, I'm not supposed to be, but I am.

1:03:48 Adam I see.

1:03:49 Caller I'm working four days for 40 hours a week.

1:03:51 Adam Jesus, you're going to be managing that place another six months. Yeah.

1:03:56 Dr. Bruce So are you depressed? Are you anxious? What's going on with your mood? I mean, it sounds like a very stressful situation.

1:04:02 Caller Oh, I haven't had a cigarette in a little bit, so...

1:04:05 Adam Oh, well, then you have to. Hey, Chris?

1:04:07 Caller Yeah.

1:04:07 Adam All right. So what's the question? Your girlfriend wants to take you to court?

1:04:12 Caller Yeah, I'm not exactly sure what I should do about that.

1:04:15 Adam Well, if she wants to take you to court, you kind of have to go.

1:04:19 Caller Yeah, like what would happen or what could happen.

1:04:22 Adam Okay. Here's what I think you ought to do. Where are you calling from?

1:04:26 Caller I'm calling from Maryland.

1:04:28 Adam Oh, Maryland. Okay. I got a buddy out there who's a lawyer. She specializes in this. Is that right? No. You're in the Bethesda area?

1:04:35 Caller Um, not quite.

1:04:37 Adam Okay, because he's out of Bethesda. Let me give you his home number. No. Here's what you need to do. There are groups, just recently these groups have sprung up, these are sort of fathers' advocates, these rights for fathers. Now, most of these things that they deal with, would you shut up, Bruce, most of the things they deal with are custody battles. This is not a custody battle. But I bet if you talk to one of these guys, you could figure out what your rights, what your obligations were, what you could look forward to when you went to court. Do you need some kind of low-cost legal counseling? Is there somebody you can talk to? Or should you just show up? I mean, you're 16, you're working at a goddamn McDonald's. I don't suspect the judge is going to say that you got to give her $2,200 a month because you don't have it. Do your parents have any money?

1:05:30 Caller Um, not really.

1:05:31 Adam Okay.

1:05:32 Caller They just got done paying a very large bill for me going to court.

1:05:36 Caller For what?

1:05:38 Caller Selling Adderall.

1:05:40 Dr. Bruce She's Adderall.

1:05:41 Adam Well, that's how he makes it. That's where he gets his $200 a month.

1:05:44 Dr. Bruce Selling your own Adderall?

1:05:45 Caller No, it was actually hers.

1:05:47 Dr. Bruce Okay, how old?

1:05:48 Adam You're off to a flying start of life, by the way.

1:05:50 Dr. Bruce How far along is she?

1:05:52 Caller Five months.

1:05:53 Dr. Bruce And when did she turn 18?

1:05:55 Caller Um, April, late April.

1:05:57 Dr. Bruce So she was 18 when you got her pregnant? Yeah. Okay, and you're 16. So there's some issues there. I'm not sure if I would want to go to court.

1:06:04 Adam Well, hey, Chris, I was telling a young lady who was 16 earlier in the show how to condense the next 15, 16 years of her life and just sort of get it over with. I'm going to see if I can work out a little plan for you. If I were you, I'd hit the booze pretty good right now, hook up with another chick, knock her up, and then move to Florida. I don't know why all these guys end up in Florida, but you move to Florida and you chain smoke and you drink and you end up on a, working like a fishing, on a fishing boat and you meet some new chick who already has three kids and she's eight years older than you are and you hook up with her and then your 15 year old daughter spends the rest of her life trying to find you and wondering why daddy wasn't a part of her life. Now, I'm saying we should just take care of that right now.

1:06:55 Caller Okay.

1:06:55 Adam Can you just move to Florida and start drinking and see if we can meet older woman with a couple of kids?

1:07:00 Dr. Bruce Chris, is-

1:07:00 Caller I've already got the drinking part down.

1:07:02 Adam You got the drinking part down.

1:07:03 Dr. Bruce Are you still drinking?

1:07:05 Caller Not right now because I got fired from a very nice job for getting drunk. What job was that?

1:07:11 Adam Sir Wiener Schnitzel.

1:07:12 Caller I was working at a camp over in Virginia.

1:07:14 Dr. Bruce Okay, so have you had the wake-up call yet? You've had some bad things happening recently, but have you learned anything? I mean, you got a lot of wreckage at age 16. Yeah.

1:07:25 Adam Okay.

1:07:26 Dr. Bruce Okay, and it's great that you want to take responsibility, but you're concerned about going to court. I think that getting some legal counsel wouldn't be a bad idea, but she at age 18 is not going to...

1:07:39 Adam Call up one of those, open the phone book, look for one of those father's advocacy groups and see if they can point you in some kind of direction.

1:07:47 Dr. Bruce And go back to school and go to AA.

1:07:50 Adam Go to AA and find Jesus Christ or Jehovah and just do something, buddy. You're 16, you got busted for selling Attaville, you got canned from your job, you're boozing, you're giving up cigarettes for this week. Jesus Christ, this guy sounds like a Vietnam vet. He doesn't sound like a 16 year old. What the hell is going on in this country? Nicole?

1:08:11 Caller Hi.

1:08:11 Adam Hey, you're 24, what's up?

1:08:13 Caller Well, for one thing, I hope I don't turn out to be a Sunday weirdo.

1:08:17 Adam You're off to a good start.

1:08:19 Caller Go ahead. I've been having a sexual relationship with a guy at work for about three months now. Actually, I can serve as a boyfriend. But in the past three weeks, he's been acting kind of distant. And well, over so... I'm kind of nervous here.

1:08:36 Adam That's all right. Go ahead.

1:08:37 Caller Over the weekend, we got together. Of course, no sex on my dad. He says he knows he's...

1:08:44 Adam Wait a minute. No, no sex on your dad? On your bed?

1:08:48 Caller I might add this weekend, we didn't do nothing. He says he has been distant.

1:08:54 Adam She's on her period? Is that... No sex on her... I didn't hear what she said, did you?

1:09:00 Dr. Bruce No, but I don't think it's a key...

1:09:02 Adam Is she on the rag? What did she say? No sex on my ad? Pad? Pad? No sex on my pad?

1:09:08 Dr. Bruce In my pad.

1:09:09 Adam In my pad? Does she mean maxi pad? I'm sticking with the period thing. What do you think? Why do you think no sex?

1:09:19 Dr. Bruce I don't know.

1:09:19 Caller Nicole? You guys are embarrassing me.

1:09:22 Adam No sex what?

1:09:23 Caller No sex, I might add.

1:09:25 Dr. Bruce I might add. Okay.

1:09:26 Adam Oh, I might add. I see.

1:09:29 Caller Trying to be proper here.

1:09:30 Adam I see.

1:09:30 Caller Oh boy.

1:09:31 Dr. Bruce You're doing fine.

1:09:32 Adam Alright, so he was over, no sex.

1:09:35 Caller Okay. Well, after we went out, we sat in the car for a while and he said that he knows he has been distant with me and he said he hasn't been completely honest with me and he said the truth is he's fallen for me and I'm thinking, okay, there's something wrong with me. But he's like, no, he says I have herpes.

1:09:55 Adam And how does he know you have herpes?

1:09:57 Caller I don't know. I mean, he told me.

1:10:00 Adam Oh, I see.

1:10:02 Caller Right. I did not know that. I mean, actually, I've fallen for him, too. I guess in the beginning, he just thinking, okay, you know, a girl, you know, and. Okay.

1:10:11 Adam He has genital herpes.

1:10:12 Caller Yeah.

1:10:13 Adam All right. So he's probably having some kind of outbreak now, right?

1:10:16 Caller Okay. An outbreak. Okay. How long does one of them usually last? I mean, I've got so many questions about it.

1:10:21 Adam All right. I'll answer all your questions.

1:10:23 Caller Okay.

1:10:23 Adam Genital herpes outbreak. Fourteen to sixteen months is usually how long the lesion.

1:10:27 Caller Okay. Now he told me he's had him for about twelve years. He's thirty six years of age now.

1:10:32 Adam I see.

1:10:32 Caller And he said he's only, he said that many times if he's had these outbreaks, he can count on both of his hands or he can count on one hand.

1:10:39 Dr. Bruce Right.

1:10:39 Caller I mean, I...

1:10:40 Adam Right. Except for he has nineteen fingers on each hand.

1:10:43 Dr. Bruce Yeah, they don't, they don't, they can't, you know, Adam was sort of joking. They usually don't last that long, but about a third of people who have, that are exposed and have herpes, they'll only have minor, no recurrences. A third have them every once in a while and then they're...

1:10:58 Caller He showed it to me and it's like on the underside of his penis.

1:11:01 Dr. Bruce Right.

1:11:02 Caller And it's just the one little red dot.

1:11:03 Dr. Bruce Okay.

1:11:04 Adam Can I tell you how glad I am that I wasn't there in that car when he pulled out his herpetic penis and showed it to you?

1:11:10 Caller I did not say a word for, actually, till the next day. I mean, I just, I blew up, you know, I just, I'm like, oh my gosh.

1:11:16 Adam I had a date try to pull that maneuver on me once. I went at it with the cigarette lighter.

1:11:20 Dr. Bruce Wanted to show you his penis.

1:11:21 Adam Yeah. I was right at it.

1:11:22 Dr. Bruce So, what do you upset? First of all, the guy's probably had it as long as he said he has.

1:11:27 Adam Right.

1:11:27 Dr. Bruce And unfortunately, most people think, well, if I can't see anything there, I can't give it to somebody else. But you can't just look and know. So he should have told you earlier and he didn't. So you have been exposed to it and you may, yeah, you may, right, you may or may not develop it. But this doesn't mean that he's been unfaithful or that he's-

1:11:47 Adam No, no, no. She's freaked out. Here's the deal, because we got to go to break. He likes you. That's the good news. He's got the herpes. A lot of people do. You can work around it. Go on the Internet, punch up herpes or something, and find out some information on it. Educate yourself, figure out what his cycles are, his rhythms are, put the condom on, talk to a doctor.

1:12:09 Dr. Bruce He'll take the antivirals.

1:12:10 Adam Dr. Bruce, he'll take his antivirals, and you guys will live long and prosper.

1:12:15 Dr. Bruce Let's make sure that's what she's upset about.

1:12:17 Adam That's what it is. She likes a guy.

1:12:19 Dr. Bruce Right.

1:12:19 Adam She's glad he likes her.

1:12:21 Dr. Bruce But she was very angry today.

1:12:23 Adam He's very up front, though. He pulled the penis out right in the car and showed her the lesion. It's great. She's like, he's like, yeah, hold on. Let me get this out. Okay. And yeah, turn on the dome light in the chevette so I can show you the lesion.

1:12:37 Dr. Bruce It's not syphilis and it's not gonorrhea.

1:12:39 Adam Is that? No, no, no. Those are my balls. Yeah, no, that, that just above it, the thing looks like it's it. Yeah, that's a happy. Yeah, come on, talk to it, make friends. Introduce yourself. All right, we're going to take a little break. Dr. Bruce is our guest tonight. He never disappoints either. Filling in for Dr. Drew and we'll be back after this.

1:13:04 Caller Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready. Ready.

1:13:22 Caller This is Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz.

1:13:47 Dr. Bruce Hey!

1:13:47 Adam Eating a cookie. Loveline, I'm gonna put 15 pounds on in the next three days, Dr. Bruce in here.

1:13:53 Dr. Bruce And then eat some Adderall.

1:13:56 Adam Seriously, can you bring me in some candy? You know what I'm saying? From work? Alright, seriously, Bruce.

1:14:02 Dr. Bruce Yes.

1:14:06 Adam Drew is really uptight about dipping into the sample drawer and bringing me in some goodies. You know, just a little something to take the edge off at night, help me get to sleep. Little Valium, a little Ambien, something like that. Can you bring in something like that?

1:14:23 Dr. Bruce Yeah, frankly.

1:14:23 Adam We won't talk about it over the radio, but could you? Could you?

1:14:26 Dr. Bruce Get the mic off.

1:14:27 Adam Do you have some Valium floating around?

1:14:29 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:14:29 Adam That's what I'm asking. At work? Could you get into some of that?

1:14:35 Dr. Bruce I'm surprised Drew hasn't given it to you just to decrease his own anxiety and sitting down.

1:14:38 Caller I'm giving it really it.

1:14:39 Adam Can you find some Valium? No. No?

1:14:43 Dr. Bruce You don't have any? I don't even have any.

1:14:44 Adam You don't have any?

1:14:45 Dr. Bruce Don't even have samples. No.

1:14:47 Caller Not in the car?

1:14:51 Adam What do you get samples of as a doctor? Do you get some good stuff?

1:14:54 Dr. Bruce You can get samples of most anything. I think the Viagra sample lady is tired of handing out Viagra samples.

1:15:02 Adam Her feet have blisters. Yeah, right. But what about some nice sleeping pills, some industrial strength?

1:15:09 Dr. Bruce You know, I think the trend these days is towards keeping less of the scheduled medication as samples, but I don't maintain a family practice or an internal medicine office.

1:15:19 Adam Yeah, but you're at the hospital, right?

1:15:22 Dr. Bruce There's no samples in the hospital.

1:15:23 Adam You got the keys to the cabinet, right?

1:15:25 Dr. Bruce No, the nurses have the keys.

1:15:27 Adam Nurses?

1:15:28 Dr. Bruce You don't keep samples in a hospital. It's against the rules.

1:15:31 Adam You can't get at anything over there? You can't reach, there's no sort of a straight pill bucket you could just reach your hand into, grab a handful, bring it in for me.

1:15:40 Dr. Bruce Thorazine, how about Thorazine? That would actually... Thorazine?

1:15:44 Adam Yeah, how about Thorazine?

1:15:45 Caller Unacceptable.

1:15:47 Adam No?

1:15:47 Dr. Bruce Sorry, I drew over it. Maybe some Neuron or something.

1:15:51 Adam You bring something in.

1:15:52 Dr. Bruce Tegretol. Yeah, yeah. See, a typical addict, it doesn't matter. Well, you know, your philosophy doesn't matter as long as it changes the way I feel. You just don't feel comfortable the way you feel, so.

1:16:01 Adam No, I feel fine. I just like to feel a little different. That's all.

1:16:06 Dr. Bruce So, Drew, how about administering you like Tylenol in here or something like that?

1:16:09 Adam Tylenol?

1:16:10 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:16:10 Adam For what?

1:16:11 Dr. Bruce Whatever. You don't want...

1:16:12 Adam Listen, here's my problem, Bruce. I'm a heavyweight. These guys, you know, these chicks who have like a half a herbal night camp and pass out in the kitchen, that ain't me.

1:16:25 Dr. Bruce You're eating a kava kava plant.

1:16:27 Adam No, I'm not.

1:16:27 Dr. Bruce You're grazing.

1:16:28 Adam Seriously, I take a couple of Vicodin, wash it down the half bottle of red wine, I don't feel anything.

1:16:33 Dr. Bruce But that's... See, that the Tylenol and the red wine will kill your liver.

1:16:37 Adam Oh, well?

1:16:38 Dr. Bruce Yeah. So, just get more straight morphine.

1:16:41 Adam Straight morphine?

1:16:41 Dr. Bruce Yeah, not Vicodin.

1:16:42 Adam Okay.

1:16:42 Dr. Bruce It's got Tylenol.

1:16:43 Adam Where do I get that?

1:16:44 Dr. Bruce I saved your liver.

1:16:45 Caller All right.

1:16:45 Adam Yeah, we got to talk about my liver. Sable?

1:16:48 Caller Yeah?

1:16:49 Adam You're 14?

1:16:50 Caller Yeah.

1:16:51 Adam No Tylenol and booze. Bad.

1:16:53 Dr. Bruce Bad. Even just a glass of booze and a Tylenol. Oh, yeah.

1:16:58 Adam That's bad? I've done that a few times.

1:17:01 Dr. Bruce Well, there have been people that have sued their physician because they didn't warn them that when they take something like Tylenol with codeine or Vicodin, they shouldn't have a glass of wine.

1:17:09 Adam Vicodin is bad, too, with the wine. I told Drew I've done that a hundred times. He sits here and laughs. What the hell kind of doctor is he? Thank God Bruce has taken some interest in my liver.

1:17:20 Dr. Bruce The twilight zone of your life. He's assuming you're making these things up.

1:17:24 Adam Well, back to the point. Quiet down, Ogre. We'll figure out what I can wash down with booze during the break. Sable?

1:17:30 Caller Yeah?

1:17:30 Adam You're 14?

1:17:31 Caller Yes.

1:17:32 Adam All right.

1:17:33 Caller I want to know what the long-term effects of speed is, and if speed really does make you skinny because that's what I heard.

1:17:42 Dr. Bruce All right. Are skeletons skinny?

1:17:45 Adam You mean when you're dead?

1:17:46 Dr. Bruce Yeah. No, no.

1:17:48 Adam Bruce, I'm trying to make a joke in front of our listeners. How dare you?

1:17:53 Dr. Bruce I know. I apologize.

1:17:54 Adam Bruce, let me ask you about speed. Does it just suppress appetite or does it actually speed up a metabolism?

1:18:02 Dr. Bruce Speeding up a metabolism is a misnomer. These things like fat burners.

1:18:06 Adam Okay. Please answer the goddamn question. Does it just suppress appetite or does it speed up your metabolism?

1:18:13 Dr. Bruce It basically just suppresses your appetite.

1:18:16 Adam Okay. Just say it just suppresses appetite.

1:18:18 Dr. Bruce Just suppresses appetite.

1:18:19 Adam Okay. So that's the only way you lose weight on speed. You don't feel like eating.

1:18:23 Dr. Bruce But people are running around.

1:18:24 Adam Right.

1:18:24 Dr. Bruce You're hyper. You don't eat and you're more active. And you don't sleep.

1:18:29 Adam Right.

1:18:29 Dr. Bruce Just many things that contribute to it.

1:18:30 Adam You're burning calories and you ain't eating.

1:18:32 Dr. Bruce Right. Metabolism is not like a number that you read and you measure when a patient comes in. Oh, your metabolism is up. That's more of a, but there are people that will take thyroid pills, will take other things. Now, thyroid will, that's something that increases your metabolism. So, anyway, so Sable, the bottom line is methamphetamine or speed, the long-term effects are many and your heart muscle is affected. It can affect other organs in your body. But what people are getting really concerned about are the long-term effects on brain and brain function. And that's not even talking about the addiction potential. So, it's a very addictive substance. If you go to a doctor and you get pills to curb your appetite, what they've done is they've, they used to give out things like amphetamines, like speed and a much lower dose than people abuse in the street. But they've, they've designed drugs that have very little of the addictive effect and very little of the effect that methamphetamine has in the brain. But I want to ask her something.

1:19:32 Adam Yeah, just, sorry.

1:19:34 Dr. Bruce Do you have friends that are taking it to lose weight?

1:19:37 Adam She fell asleep 20 minutes ago.

1:19:39 Dr. Bruce Do you have friends that are taking it to lose weight?

1:19:41 Caller Me and one of my friends, like we didn't like each other and like this year, she lost like a bunch of weight like during the summer. Then like I saw her and I was like, I was like, how did you lose so much weight?

1:19:51 Caller She go, nothing.

1:19:53 Caller Then I found out later that she'd been tweaking a lot.

1:19:55 Caller Right.

1:19:56 Caller I was like, what?

1:19:58 Caller She go, no, I wasn't tweaking.

1:19:59 Caller I was like, yeah, but I was like, how'd you lose so much weight?

1:20:02 Dr. Bruce She went, no, that's a big problem in school.

1:20:05 Adam Listen, I say, well, you'll tweak your mind. Don't do it. Eat right. Exercise. It's a long term. You can't. You're 14 for Christ's sake. You can't get a little goddamn exercise. Listen, all you you crackpots out there that are 14, 15, 16. You guys should be running around anyway. A 14 year old, you should be around kicking a soccer ball. You have to sit around and get on Dexatrim and Metabolife and all this other nonsense or speed or whatever it is. You're 14. Join the soccer team and stop eating so much crap.

1:20:38 Dr. Bruce But when you're 14, your brain doesn't have consequential thinking. So you tell them, moron, don't do that.

1:20:44 Adam Oh, who cares? Renee, I don't care about anybody. You're 18.

1:20:48 Caller Yeah.

1:20:48 Adam What's up?

1:20:49 Caller Okay. Well, first of all, I say hi, Andrew. Hi. Oh, shit.

1:20:53 Caller Already lost my mind.

1:20:55 Caller All right.

1:20:55 Adam Never mind.

1:20:56 Dr. Bruce You better go right. See, listen, you didn't pick my question. You went off.

1:21:01 Adam I said it was whacked out bitch night on Loveline.

1:21:04 Dr. Bruce This is.

1:21:04 Adam Oh, shut up. Renee.

1:21:07 Caller Yeah.

1:21:07 Dr. Bruce Go right to your question.

1:21:09 Caller Okay. Sorry. All right. Well, my, I have a kid, right? And his dad is like, he's trying to get back with me and everything. And I really don't want to because I want to get back with my ex-boyfriend. And my ex-boyfriend knows everything. I'm not sure what he wants. But he told me he started feeling for me and everything. And I still love my son's father, but it's not the same. And I asked some of my friends about it and everything. And I asked my mom about it and everything. And they're like, it's not good. It's not good. Because he's just, I guess you have to know he's just not a good person.

1:21:50 Adam Now, I'll take your word for it. What's wrong with him?

1:21:53 Caller Well, he's, he's really, can I say asshole?

1:21:58 Dr. Bruce Okay, is he physically abusive? Is he verbally abusive? Asshole.

1:22:02 Caller He's just like, I don't know, he's, he's been in and out of jail. He's in jail right now.

1:22:07 Adam What's he in jail for?

1:22:08 Caller Okay, contributing to the delinquency of a minor and corruption of a minor. He took his little sister.

1:22:15 Adam He did what?

1:22:15 Caller He took his little sister and like two of her friends to a hotel party with him. And the cop showed up and got like three or four counts of it.

1:22:24 Adam Great. And he was on parole?

1:22:26 Caller He was on probation.

1:22:28 Adam Oh, I see.

1:22:29 Caller And so like he got put back in jail for that.

1:22:32 Adam I see. Fantastic. How old is he?

1:22:34 Caller He's going to be 22 in October.

1:22:36 Adam I see. And you have a young son with him?

1:22:39 Caller Yeah, he's one and a half.

1:22:40 Adam Listen, all right, let me say one thing. Forget about this guy who's in the pokey, okay? He's not for you. Number two, this young son you have, any crime he commits in the future, I hold you personally responsible. Do you hear me?

1:22:55 Caller Yes.

1:22:56 Adam If he goes out and kills someone, I want you to do time with him.

1:23:00 Caller Okay.

1:23:01 Adam Think that way. Each and every day, you raise him. And all you other horrible parents out there, who's a 13, 14 year old, goes up and beats up old people, I want you going in the clink with the kid because you're just as responsible, maybe more than this young kid. So keep that in mind. I wish we'd just make that a policy in this country, make the parents do just a little more thinking before the kid skated out at 1030 that night at 13 or 14 years old. Number two, who's the second guy? The ex-boyfriend.

1:23:33 Caller He's my ex-boyfriend, Sean. He's really great. He doesn't do drugs. He doesn't do anything wrong. He's actually pretty good at his job.

1:23:41 Adam Good.

1:23:41 Dr. Bruce Do you have custody of the kid?

1:23:42 Caller Yeah.

1:23:43 Dr. Bruce Complete.

1:23:43 Caller Yeah.

1:23:44 Adam No, the guy, the guy, he stays with his father in prison three days a week, you idiot.

1:23:50 Dr. Bruce Legally, who has custody? She has to go to court and get. All right. Okay, so you have custody of your kid and this guy's gonna get out of jail.

1:23:59 Adam Monday, Wednesday, Friday, he goes to Folsom County with daddy and then every other Sunday, he goes to prison.

1:24:08 Dr. Bruce I think you still have to go to court and have it.

1:24:11 Adam All right. All right. So, Renee, here's what you need to do. A couple of things. A, you cannot get pregnant again.

1:24:18 Caller I won't. I don't want any more kids.

1:24:20 Adam Good. Sterilize yourself. Do something. Put something up in you and break it off.

1:24:25 Caller I don't think I want to do that.

1:24:26 Dr. Bruce Okay. Why do you choose? I'm not a doctor. But what about Renee chose this guy?

1:24:29 Adam Number two, don't put all your eggs in the ex-boyfriend basket, but let them know you're available. If he wants to come back, you guys can have a relationship. You wear a condom. And don't get hooked up with the prison guy, okay? And do me a favor.

1:24:45 Caller I should tell him because I don't want him to like freak out and hurt himself or anything because he is in jail.

1:24:51 Adam When's he getting out?

1:24:53 Caller If he doesn't get out in the middle of this month, then he's getting out in 24, two years Yeah.

1:25:01 Adam Okay, so it's either four days or two years?

1:25:06 Caller Because I really don't want to hurt his feel. I don't want to hurt him.

1:25:09 Adam He's a great lawyer. Listen, here's the good news. He may be out the day after tomorrow or you may be in for another eight years. I don't know.

1:25:19 Dr. Bruce She needs to go to some codependency meetings or something.

1:25:22 Adam Don't have any more kids. I don't know what else to say.

1:25:25 Dr. Bruce She's not going to follow through that she needs some help.

1:25:27 Adam And listen, if you can find your biological dad, kick him in the nuts for me.

1:25:30 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:25:31 Adam Let me just ask real quick. Renee?

1:25:33 Caller He's in the other room. Sleep under.

1:25:35 Adam Your dad is? Good. He's at his most vulnerable. Does he sleep on his back? Good. Right in the nuts. Look, he did a horrible job. Yeah.

1:25:43 Dr. Bruce It sounds like you're going to need a lot of support to stay away from this guy. You need to go to a counselor. You need to go to codependency meetings.

1:25:51 Caller Yeah, of course.

1:25:52 Adam Yeah. All right. All of you. Anyone who can hear me, go to a meeting right now. Let's just check in with Kelly. Kelly. Kelly.

1:26:02 Dr. Bruce Kelly.

1:26:03 Hey.

1:26:04 Dr. Bruce Wake up.

1:26:05 Adam You're 24. What's up?

1:26:09 Caller I have been. It's kind of a serious type of thing. It's not a medical question, but it is very personal, love related and I've been together with this guy for over a year now. We've been engaged for 10 months when I met him. He's a great guy, owned his own business, did his own type of thing. Seemed like he had his stuff together.

1:26:29 Adam Hold on. What was his sign?

1:26:31 Caller I'm sorry. Say that again.

1:26:32 Adam His sign?

1:26:34 Caller What's his sign?

1:26:34 Adam Yes.

1:26:35 Caller Aquarius.

1:26:36 Adam I see. Okay. Continue.

1:26:39 Caller I'm a cap.

1:26:39 Adam I see your cap. Okay. So you guys are compatible.

1:26:42 Caller Okay. As far as I know, completely compatible. Everything worked out fine. We led a very positive, healthy relationship.

1:26:52 Adam I see.

1:26:53 Caller Up until about two days ago. Actually, you put the yesterday, yesterday, Saturday. And I was on our laptop looking for a job. And I went to actually open up his, what do I say, his nightstand on his side of the bed looking for a pen. And I stumbled across some pictures of him.

1:27:13 Adam Now when you say stumbled across, do you mean actually tripped over the pictures or just found them?

1:27:19 Caller Practically.

1:27:20 Adam I see.

1:27:21 Caller They were out in the open, laying on top of everything else. They weren't tucked away or hidden. They were right there in the very front of his drawer.

1:27:29 Adam Such a Capricorn thing to do.

1:27:30 Caller Okay. And they were pictures of him, basically pornography with him and these very obese women, I mean 200 pounds plus.

1:27:43 Dr. Bruce Like having an intercourse with them?

1:27:45 Caller Yes. More than one, several sets of pictures with all different kinds of women, at least five different women. Sometimes in one set it was two women with him.

1:27:54 Dr. Bruce Did you talk to them about it?

1:27:56 Adam Hold on. Two pictures and were they all obese? I mean sort of obviously.

1:28:01 Caller Oh yeah.

1:28:02 Adam So it wasn't like it was a coincidence that he hooked up with a couple of heavyweights. It was more like he was doing fatty love porn.

1:28:11 Caller Exactly.

1:28:12 Caller Exactly. I couldn't describe it in a better way. Okay.

1:28:15 Dr. Bruce And you're not overweight. He's not overweight.

1:28:17 Caller I am not overweight. No.

1:28:18 Adam You're not.

1:28:19 Caller No. Definitely not.

1:28:21 Dr. Bruce And he's not.

1:28:21 Caller Okay. And he's not. No.

1:28:23 Adam And this is like that novelty porn where guys go at it with huge chicks. And they were like morbidly obese?

1:28:32 Caller Yeah. They were definitely obese. Okay. I mean I'm talking explicit. Not anything with taste. Not anything like beautiful lingerie shots. I'm talking beer bottles, all types of things. But I'm real fit.

1:28:43 Adam All right. Hold on a second there, Kelly. This is the best call we've got in all month.

1:28:46 Dr. Bruce Yeah. She's an intelligent person with a serious problem. So hopefully we'll get beyond the gutter humor.

1:28:52 Adam I mean imagine stumbling upon some fat love porn with the... Okay. All right. This is AL. This is 10 amounts of striking a vein of gold in radio. We call this Gold Talk.

1:29:09 Dr. Bruce And I'm going to protect Kelly.

1:29:11 Adam Yeah. Anderson knows good radio. He knows we're called Gold Talk. So we're going to take a little break. We'll be back to mine for a little more gold with Kelly after this.

1:29:37 Caller This is Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz.

1:29:56 Adam Hey, welcome back to Loveline and Gold Talk. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Bruce. Dr. Bruce is filling in for Dr. Drew, who allegedly will be speaking in front of Congress. Do they have a cafeteria that he can address them in? I certainly not going to be on the cafeteria. It's not going to be on the floor of Congress, is he?

1:30:18 Caller I've had anal sex.

1:30:19 Adam Quiet down, Drew. Kelly?

1:30:22 Caller Yes.

1:30:22 Adam All right. So you have this man in your life. He was by all accounts a wonderful man.

1:30:28 Caller From what I thought.

1:30:29 Adam From what you thought. You're engaged to him. You've been engaged for ten months.

1:30:34 Caller Correct.

1:30:34 Adam Engaged to be married. I like when people put it that way. And you were looking through a drawer in his nightstand, just to get a pen, just to get a pen. Not looking for any fatty porno pictures.

1:30:48 Caller Oh, no.

1:30:49 Adam And you came across pictures of him having sex with obese women.

1:30:54 Caller Correct. Several different sets.

1:30:56 Adam Several different sets.

1:30:57 Caller Several different settings.

1:30:58 Adam Now, how big were these pictures?

1:31:01 Caller How big were these women?

1:31:03 Adam No, were the pictures.

1:31:05 Caller The pictures are regular size pictures. They're not, you know, panoramic.

1:31:09 Adam Like somebody just took them from a regular camera.

1:31:12 Caller Yeah, exactly. The first one, it gets worse. There's discs, even. There's actually, you know, hard.

1:31:18 Dr. Bruce So he's into this. This is something.

1:31:21 Adam Here's a question. Here's what I'm asking. Were these pictures taken by a professional that looked like it was for publication in a magazine or to be put up on the internet? Or is this one of his drunken buddies taking a picture?

1:31:35 Caller I don't know whether they were taken for publication. They don't look that professional. But whether they were posted on the internet or not, that I'm not sure of.

1:31:42 Dr. Bruce You said you found a disc, stuff on the disc, in the computer?

1:31:45 Caller I found stuff on a disc, yes.

1:31:47 Dr. Bruce What was there?

1:31:49 Caller When I went to put the discs actually in the laptop, he started ejecting the disc and snapping it in front of me. He told me the discs were worse than the pictures and the pictures were pretty atrocious.

1:31:59 Dr. Bruce Oh, so you talked to him. So what's his story?

1:32:03 Caller Well, actually, before I confronted him, actually what happened was I found the pictures and I found the disc and I decided I'm going to wait until there's a moment where him and I can talk alone seriously about the situation because I told him what I did was I confronted him and I said, you know, I found some things out and I want to talk to you about them, you know, in a couple hours or whenever we have time alone to ourselves because I think it's time to make it better.

1:32:32 Adam By the way, this is what I love about women. No man in the history of relationships has ever said in the middle of like a party or something, we'll talk later, but I found something out. I know something. You're in big trouble. We'll talk later. Women love this. They love it. And this poor guy's head was swimming and racing for the next two hours. So you confronted him with the pictures and what did he say?

1:32:55 Caller Actually I didn't say anything about the pictures. What I did was I said, you know, I found something out. I said, and I think it's time you and I talk. I think it's time I get to know my fiance a little bit better.

1:33:04 Adam I know. But eventually you confronted him with the pictures.

1:33:07 Caller No, what actually happened was I didn't actually confront him with the pictures. This is where it takes a bizarre twist. I said, I think you need to think things for about 10 minutes or so and think if there's anything you need to tell me, because I found something out and I would rather have you tell me rather than me pull it out of you.

1:33:23 Adam And he says, there's a bunch of pictures of me get nailed in the ass by black guys.

1:33:28 Caller Actually.

1:33:28 Adam And then you find, holy Christ, I got checked the other night.

1:33:31 Caller This is what happened though.

1:33:33 Caller See, I said, you know, I would rather have you tell me rather than me drag it out of you. So if there's anything that you...

1:33:38 Adam That's the other thing I love about women too. Smart. Yeah, but why with the games? You got the pictures of him with Bertha. Just pull him out and confront him.

1:33:47 Dr. Bruce Yeah, in this case, did you think there was something worse?

1:33:49 Adam All right, so what did he do?

1:33:52 Caller Well, what he did was he said, well, he said there was something and I said, well, well, what is it? And I'm being prepared.

1:33:57 Adam Go ahead, baby. Spit it out. Go.

1:33:59 Caller I'm prepared for him to tell me, yes, you found the pictures, okay, let's talk about it. But instead he tells me, well, last weekend I was with this girl, Megan.

1:34:07 Adam All right, baby.

1:34:09 Caller That's when I went, what? Wait, there's more?

1:34:12 Adam Okay, see, this is, this is man, this is why you're stupid and women, this is why you're diabolical. She confronts him on fat chicks. He, he, he admits to some affair he had over the weekend. Hey, listen to me, screwball. Here's the deal. We're out of time. Here's, here's what's got to go on. This guy's flawed. He screwed up in a major way. Major. And you're screwed up because you thought this guy was great. And you shouldn't have. You really shouldn't have. And there's something. He didn't play the role. Listen, this guy's not a great actor. There's something wrong with you too.

1:34:46 Dr. Bruce No, there's not. Kelly's OK. Kelly, are you, can you move on?

1:34:50 Caller No, you don't understand. He led a totally different life.

1:34:53 Adam I know.

1:34:54 Dr. Bruce A little sociopathic.

1:34:56 Adam It's all over, Kelly. It's done.

1:34:58 Caller He went home. It was something totally different, apparently.

1:35:01 Adam It's done.

1:35:01 Dr. Bruce Are you OK? Are you, you understand it's, yeah, it's over. The relationship is over. You're not depressed, you're not suicidal, you're.

1:35:08 Caller Most definitely not, no.

1:35:10 Adam OK, good. You learned a lesson before you got married. Do a better job picking your next guy.

1:35:14 Dr. Bruce Don't take him back.

1:35:15 Adam Don't go out with sociopaths or salesmen.

1:35:18 Caller Hello, this is your radio, radio, Loveline.

1:35:36 Adam Yeah, just telling Dr. Bruce what's wrong with Dr. Drew and his wife. Let you guys in on it tomorrow night. Bill Bellamy will be in here tomorrow night, a wonderful young actor.

1:35:48 Dr. Bruce I'll be back too.

1:35:50 Adam Oh, okay. But Bill Bellamy will be here. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Bruce, saying mahalo. There's a bunch of pictures of me getting nailed in the ass by black guys.

1:36:02 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff management sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, September 10, 2000