Episode 1000754887728

1:19 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

1:27 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

1:30 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

1:32 Voiceover Loveline.

1:37 Voiceover Yeah, there we go. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Facts number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Drew?

1:53 Drew How you doing?

1:54 Adam Yeah. Well, I left the house at 8.30 this morning and I ran here. So if I had to...

2:00 Drew You mean you've hit the ground running at 8 and you haven't stopped?

2:03 Adam That's right. But yeah. What'd you do today? Huh. Wish you what?

2:09 Drew Yeah. Wish I had some sympathy for that.

2:11 Adam I know. Yeah, but let's not forget, you have something wrong with you. I'm normal. I have a healthy fear of hard work. You embrace it. You need it. You understand?

2:22 Drew I'm sick about it.

2:23 Adam You're right. That is right. Okay. Okay.

2:25 Drew You're touché.

2:27 Adam There you go. All right. We ready to hop on the phones here, Drew?

2:30 Drew Sure. You ready to go? Wow.

2:31 Adam I'm ready to party. Megan?

2:33 Drew Let's go.

2:34 Adam You're 16. What's up?

2:36 Caller Hi. Well, recently, I've been having a lot of dreams about some of my really close friends. We're doing stuff like, first, it started out really like we just kiss and stuff like that. Then every night, it seems like it gets hotter and hotter and more and more into detail and stuff like that. I've been straight and never done anything with any girls or anything like that, but it seems like I fantasize about them a lot. Yes. I have a boyfriend who's been going out for about eight months.

3:10 Drew How's that been?

3:12 Caller Good. Good. We're pretty close and stuff.

3:15 Adam Except for he doesn't have a vagina?

3:17 Drew Well, no. No, it's not that. Is he able to meet sort of your needs emotionally? Do you feel real, real close to him?

3:25 Caller I'm pretty sure, yeah.

3:28 Drew In his dreams, do the women satisfy, not satisfy, but sort of give you something that this guy doesn't emotionally?

3:38 Caller Not really.

3:40 Adam All right. And are you having oral sex in your dreams?

3:44 Caller Yeah.

3:44 Adam Uh-huh. And are these with, these are with friends of yours, women you recognize, you know by name?

3:50 Caller Yeah, they're some of my really close friends.

3:53 Drew See, I think she's just confusing intimacy and eroticism.

3:56 Adam How's your boyfriend in the oral sex department?

4:00 Drew Are you having sex with him?

4:02 Caller No. Not sex, just like we're.

4:05 Drew Fooling around.

4:06 Caller Uh, oral type of stuff, I guess you could say.

4:09 Adam Oral stuff. How's he doing in that department?

4:12 Drew No, she's doing it to him.

4:14 Oh man.

4:16 Adam Drew, I'm telling you, I'm going to kill myself so I can be reborn as a 16-year-old and go to high school and get some oral.

4:22 Drew What do you mean 16-year-old? 14-year-old?

4:24 Adam Well, I'm going to start at 16 just to play it safe. I don't want to get scrubbed by any of the upperclassmen. Hey, Megan? Yeah? Yeah, I kind of agree with Drew on this one. Maybe things aren't as intimate as you'd like with your boyfriend. I don't mean sexually, but maybe you're not getting what you need from him and you're sort of fantasizing about where else you may get it.

4:45 Drew Well, right, and where else you're going to get real closeness but from your friends.

4:50 Adam Okay, so don't pay too much attention to it. Listen, I don't know what it is with all you people, especially you women. You think you have to pay attention to your dreams. I ignore my dreams constantly. They mean nothing to me. They're just this hodgepodge of random events that happen over the last month or so. They get woven into some sort of sick, psychosexual, homosexual, I mean heterosexual fantasy.

5:16 Drew Give me an example, because last time you just sort of tossed one off, it was just loaded with all sorts of weird meaning.

5:23 Adam Bizarre sexual innuendo.

5:25 Drew Oh, you're getting hit over the head with your own testes. Your mom and your grandma.

5:30 Adam I never said mom and grandma, you said mom and grandma.

5:34 Drew Yeah, because you were just tossing it off as inconsequential.

5:37 Adam I said it was at my grandparent's pool, and you went leaping to conclusions as you always do.

5:44 Drew Now, how do you describe your mom and your grandmother's body habitus?

5:48 Adam I don't want to say because my grandmother listens to the show and beats my ass when I see it.

5:53 Drew Well, that word happened to describe-

5:55 Adam I said there were haunchy women that beat me with my own scrotum. Here's my point, I've been so goddamn tired the last few nights, in the last few months, I don't know what I'm dreaming. I wake up, I'm scared. Sheldon, you're 16, what's up?

6:11 Caller Like five months ago, me and my girlfriend broke up, and we went out for almost six months, almost seven months, and we was really into sexual experiences and everything. And ever since we broke up, I've had sex with other women, and I haven't liked it at all. I didn't like it.

6:28 It sucked.

6:29 Drew You're young. Why don't you work on having a relationship, Sheldon? It may take a while to find another one that works as well for you as this one that you've lost. And know that you kind of got further along in that relationship probably that you were able to handle anyway. Your brain development is not really ready to handle that kind of close. It is quite a bond.

6:46 Adam Well, wait a minute. Let me ask a quick question. Get Sheldon back over here. Sheldon, have these other girls you've had sex with been relationships or just kind of one night stands?

6:57 Caller This one girl is like, I just met her and then I took her virginity like the next day.

7:04 Drew That's nice.

7:05 Adam Okay.

7:06 Caller And the other one was like a very old, how do you say?

7:13 Adam A goofball.

7:14 Drew Very old 22?

7:15 Adam Listen, have they been relationships or they've been sexual encounters?

7:21 Caller The second one was a sexual encounter. The first one was just like nothing at all.

7:26 Drew Wasn't even that.

7:27 Adam Jesus Christ. It's like Dawn of the Tards. That's what I'm going to call this show. This is where the Tards come back. The Unted, the Untard. They come back and haunt us every night between 10 and midnight. What I was trying to get to is where these actual relationships. The answer was no.

7:46 Drew Essentially no.

7:47 Adam No, there were both no.

7:49 Drew Yeah.

7:49 Adam He had a couple of one-night stands. When you're 16, and Drew, tell me what you think of this concept. When you're 16, 17, 19, the one-night stand thing is a little bumpy. It's a little hard to work out.

8:04 Drew Oh yeah, forget it.

8:05 Adam As you get a little bit older, you get a little more experience, you can enjoy a one-night stand. I mean, you can make things good for you, you can make things good for her, you can enjoy yourself. You have enough sort of experience that you can do it, but when you're 16, the one-night stands are, they're awkward, they're uncomfortable, they're cumbersome.

8:24 Drew Neither person knows what the hell they're getting into.

8:26 Adam The one girl was a virgin, you know, I'm sure that was like a couple of rhinos at the ballet. I mean, that was a disaster. So then his logical conclusion is, is after a couple of bad one-night stands, I'll never be able to recreate this thing. And that is, that's something that all young people get into. You have a couple of bad shakes and you'll never recapture the magic. Not true.

8:49 Drew And he was too far in with the first relationship anyway.

8:52 Adam All right, he'll find love again. John, and then she'll dump him again. John, you're 15, what's up?

8:57 Drew And then he'll find it again.

8:58 Adam And then she'll dump him again.

9:00 Drew And then he'll find it.

9:01 Adam What?

9:02 Shrooms lower your testosterone.

9:04 Drew I was wondering if that was true. I don't know of any data that suggests that. I'll look around for that.

9:10 Adam No, you won't.

9:10 Drew Hot certainly does. Alcohol certainly does. But I don't know the shrooms, though.

9:14 Adam They don't have any good definitive evidence about shrooms because no one seems to do it enough.

9:20 Drew Right. That is so true about shrooms. I expect to see the same problems with shrooms that I see with acid and ecstasy, which is depressions and panic attacks that are permanent. But I have never seen it. I think it's because nobody does enough shrooms. People don't like to eat things that are grown in cow ass. You know?

9:37 Yeah.

9:38 Adam I do. But it's personal preference. Yeah. The point is people don't do it enough, so it doesn't screw people up enough so they don't have data on it. But I'm going with no. But you shouldn't do too much of it anyway. Lynn, you're 16. What's up?

9:55 Caller About a year ago, I was made by my boyfriend. And he just transferred back over to my school and I see him a lot.

10:04 Drew Does anybody know about this?

10:07 Caller I haven't told my parents, but I told my counselor at school, but I didn't tell them right away.

10:13 Caller What happened?

10:14 Adam Well, quiet down over there. What happened with the rape?

10:18 Caller Well, he just came over and my dad was at home and he was kind of drunk.

10:22 Caller And I don't know.

10:26 Adam Had you had sex with him before?

10:29 Caller No.

10:30 Adam No.

10:31 Drew How was he?

10:31 Adam Did you break up with him after this?

10:34 Caller Not for a little while.

10:35 He was sort of abusive towards me.

10:39 Drew No kidding.

10:40 Caller It was kind of hard to.

10:42 Drew Just like your old dad?

10:44 Caller No.

10:47 Adam How's your old dad? Is he a good guy?

10:50 Caller He's not really around a lot because he has to work.

10:53 Adam I see.

10:55 We don't make a lot of money.

10:56 Adam I understand.

10:58 Drew He was never abusive?

10:59 Caller No.

11:00 Drew Dad, never.

11:01 Adam We're trying to figure out why you stayed with a guy who was abusive.

11:05 Drew No drinking with dad.

11:07 Caller No.

11:08 Drew Mom?

11:09 Caller My mom lives in Colorado.

11:13 Drew So your mom gave you up?

11:15 Caller No. My parents got divorced when I was seven.

11:21 Drew And your mom gave you up?

11:23 No.

11:24 Caller I see her every summer.

11:27 Caller No. Okay.

11:28 Drew In the meantime, she gave you up?

11:32 Caller I don't.

11:32 Drew Lynn, it's bizarre for a mother to just let the child go like that. What's up with your mom?

11:41 Caller I don't know.

11:42 Drew What is up with your mom?

11:44 Caller I don't know.

11:46 Drew Well, you better look at it realistically because this is why you're choosing A-hole guys. Whatever that unfinished business is with mom is you're trying to repair it with your relationships in the present and it ain't going to work. You're going to keep picking these A-holes. How old was this guy?

11:59 Caller He was 16.

12:01 Drew And you were 15. Does your counselor know that he's back?

12:05 Caller Yeah, but he just told me to like, he just told me like to deal with it and that's not really doing anything because he seems to be getting worse.

12:17 Adam He seems to be getting worse?

12:19 Drew In what way?

12:20 Caller Like, when I'm walking down the hallway, he'll give me looks. He asked some of my friends. He hasn't come up to me yet, but I'm kind of worried that he will.

12:32 Adam Now why don't you talk to your counselor and tell them you're worried about this?

12:36 I have.

12:38 Caller Like, they aren't doing anything.

12:40 Adam Well, how long ago did this happen, Lynn?

12:44 Caller A year ago.

12:45 Adam A year ago. Well, see, part of the problem is, is he hasn't really done anything. I mean, I know you're very uncomfortable around him, but he hasn't even talked to you. You know what I'm saying?

12:56 Caller Yeah.

12:57 Adam So I don't know if there's anything-

12:58 Drew What are they going to do?

12:59 Adam I don't know if there's anything. They can't tell him not to talk to you if he's not already talking to you. You know what I mean? They don't know what hall he's going to be in when. So, Lynn-

13:09 Drew Travel with a friend. Make sure you're not around the guy alone. You'll feel okay.

13:14 Adam But you got to get some counseling and it's about more than this. You know what I'm saying?

13:19 Drew No, it's about mom. And that Lynn doesn't see mom for what she is. Your mom gave you up? No, I see her in summers.

13:27 Adam Yeah.

13:27 Drew Your mom gave you up? I don't look at it that way.

13:29 Adam Well, listen, any mom that gives their kids up, there's something wrong with them.

13:34 Drew Yeah.

13:35 Adam I hate to say it, but it's true.

13:36 Jake?

13:38 Hello?

13:38 Adam You're 18. What's up?

13:40 Caller Well, I've been, well, I keep cheating on my girlfriend, and I don't know why.

13:44 Drew But not on your bong.

13:46 Caller No. Well, I don't do that.

13:48 Adam You don't smoke weed?

13:49 Caller No.

13:51 Adam Really? Really. Yeah, I believe you.

13:53 Drew Yeah, kind of. He sort of sounds like Spatoli. What was his name?

13:56 Adam Spacoli?

13:57 Drew Spacoli, yeah. Spatoli.

14:00 All right, I'm lame.

14:02 Drew You got that?

14:05 Adam Hey, so how often have you cheated on your girlfriend?

14:08 Caller She's on her like three times.

14:11 Drew Why do you have a girlfriend?

14:14 Caller Because I care about her.

14:16 Drew All right.

14:16 Adam Well, you're 18.

14:18 Drew Unacceptable. Why do you have a girlfriend?

14:21 Adam Well, he cares about her. He doesn't want to break the kid's heart. How old is she? Are you in high school? No. Why don't you just hang out with the older chicks you're banging around with and cut your young girlfriend loose?

14:38 Drew He's just a dick.

14:38 Adam She's in high school, right?

14:40 Drew Yeah. All right.

14:42 Adam You're out of high school? Yeah. Stop screwing around.

14:45 Drew Just break up. Dishonest and cruel to her.

14:47 Adam Break up with her.

14:49 Caller Oh, but I'm not being dishonest with her. She knows what happened. I mean.

14:53 Adam All right. Well, then you're just slowly killing her.

14:56 Drew You're being abusive.

14:57 Adam Yeah. Because you're ruining, put it this way. She had about this much self-esteem, now it's gone.

15:03 Drew It's all gone.

15:04 Adam It's gone now.

15:05 Caller Well, is there anything I can do to keep her? Is there anything I can do?

15:08 Drew Yes. Stop cheating.

15:10 Caller All right.

15:11 Adam You want to do that?

15:13 Caller Yeah.

15:13 Adam You do want to stop cheating?

15:14 Caller Yeah.

15:15 Caller All right.

15:15 Caller I'm not proud of it.

15:17 Caller All right.

15:17 Adam Well, feel free to stop then. You have our blessing. Do you want a note from Drew or can you do it without her?

15:24 Caller Is there anything you can tell me to help me to stop? I mean...

15:26 Adam Duct tape your penis to your inner thigh when you're not around your girlfriend.

15:30 Drew Yes. You're behaving like an a-hole if you continue. If you want to be an a-hole, fine. If not, break up with her, continue or don't cheat. Asshole.

15:43 Adam Thank you. Let me give a quick moral explanation for the kid who's listening at home. Not that I'm any pillar of morality and Lord knows, I've made my share of mistakes and I'm an atheist as well. But here's the deal, everybody. It's not about what you can get away with. It really isn't. I know it seems that way. It seems like, well, if no one catches you, then you're clear and free. But the reality is, you are the sum of your actions. Yeah.

16:11 Drew Or what you wish you could do, it's what you do.

16:13 Adam If you cheat, you're a cheater. And if you can murder someone and never ever get caught, you're still a murderer. You may not be a murderer in the eyes of the law, but you're still a murderer. Everyone who's ever killed someone and never been caught, you don't think they're a murderer? They're a murderer. The only difference is the only one who knows it is them. And that's bad enough. Matt?

16:35 Yeah.

16:35 Adam You're 15.

16:37 Hey. What's up? Hey, Dr. Drew, Adam Corolla. I love you guys. You guys rule.

16:41 Adam Thanks, man. What's going on?

16:43 Drew Don't screw around with us tonight, right?

16:44 Adam Yeah. Drew, what's up with you?

16:46 Drew No, I'm just looking at this question and thinking, I don't know.

16:49 Adam What's it say? Had sex with 30-year-old dad's 26-year-old girlfriend? Wants to know to tell dad what?

16:59 What happened was, my dad was telling me about, hey, he had a new girlfriend, right? I never met her before.

17:05 Adam How old's your dad?

17:06 My dad's 30.

17:08 Adam You're 15?

17:09 Caller Yeah.

17:10 Adam That's nice.

17:10 Drew Adam, imagine you had a 20-year-old son.

17:13 Adam You guys can collect Pokemon cards together. That's great. So anyway, and?

17:19 Caller And I never met her yet. So I went to this party, right? And I got a little drunk and everything.

17:26 Adam And I already don't believe him, by the way.

17:28 Caller Yeah.

17:28 Drew Keep going.

17:29 Adam Keep going.

17:33 Caller And I ended up meeting this girl. And she looked like she was 20 something.

17:40 Drew Most 15-year-olds hook up with women in their mid-20s.

17:43 Adam Well, it's documented that 20-year-old women are attracted to 15-year-old guys. They're like a guy with a retainer and a learner's sperm, and it turns them on. So anyway, Matt?

17:52 Caller Well, I ended up kind of sleeping with her. And then...

17:56 Drew Kind of.

17:57 Adam And it turns out later that was your dad's girlfriend?

18:00 Drew Oh, dad's sister.

18:01 Caller No.

18:01 Drew Oh, dad's girlfriend. I see dad's girlfriend.

18:03 Caller Oh.

18:03 Adam Dad's girlfriend?

18:04 Caller Yeah.

18:05 Adam I see.

18:06 Caller And then, kind of like, you know, I don't know, should I tell my dad or...

18:09 Caller Yep.

18:10 Adam You gotta tell him.

18:10 Caller I gotta tell him.

18:11 Adam 100%.

18:12 Caller All right.

18:12 Adam There you go.

18:13 Caller Thanks.

18:13 Adam Dynamite.

18:15 Drew Totally bogus.

18:16 Adam Of course.

18:17 Caller Totally bogus.

18:18 Adam Listen, here's the most bogus. The most bogus call is... The two, the top of the bogusity heap is the guy who had sex with his best friend's mom and the guy who had sex with his dad's new girlfriend or new stepmom. Those are the two most bogus. It's all the same thing, though. It's 15, 16-year-old guys who are nailing women in their early 30s.

18:47 Drew Yes. Or also, I met some woman, a grown adult, at a party, and she turned out to be my fill in the blank.

18:56 Adam Right. Right.

18:57 Drew My new mom, my new whatever.

18:59 Adam Here's, by the way, how you know it's completely bogus every time. What is the question? You just nailed your best friend's mom. The question is, should I confront my best friend? That's not really a question, if you think about it. If you're 16 years old, you just nailed your best friend's mom, you're not calling a radio show, you're not telling your best friend, I would have a drifter kill my best friend's mom just on the off chance she would get drunk and talk about. What is the question?

19:28 Drew Right, right.

19:29 Adam You're going to tell your dad you just got done nailing his girlfriend?

19:32 Drew Yeah.

19:33 Adam Carlos.

19:34 Drew Well, it reminds me of when we had the Zoophiliac call. We had James call about his dog nailing him.

19:42 Adam Yes.

19:42 Drew And his question wasn't about that. You remember what his question was?

19:46 Adam It was a declaration of innocence is basically what it was.

19:51 Drew No. His thing was-

19:52 Adam Oh, he wanted to know if he could get Parvo.

19:54 Drew No. His thing was why do people freak out when they find out what my preferences are? Remember that?

20:00 Adam Right, right.

20:00 Drew That was his question. He goes, you guys are open-minded. You figure this is a forum. I could bring this kind of question. So I'm going to tell you what I do and you tell me why people freak out.

20:07 Adam Right.

20:09 Drew It's not about what he did.

20:11 Adam No.

20:11 Drew It's about people's reaction to it.

20:12 Adam I didn't cast any judgment upon him, although producer Anne was highly upset. All right. Let's say hi to Carlos. Can we, Drew? Carlos, you're 16. What's up?

20:22 Caller Hi. First of all, I'd like to say that your screener from last night's a bitch. She wouldn't put me through. Yeah.

20:29 Adam Well, we fired her. We got a new one.

20:31 Caller Good for you. All right.

20:33 Disqualified.

20:34 Adam We heard about the Carlos incident during a commercial break. I was outraged.

20:39 Drew This is the Carlos.

20:40 Adam This is the Carlos. I fired her on the spot.

20:43 Drew Oh, my God.

20:44 Caller Thank you. She's such a bitch. That isn't the first time either. All right. Last week, I guess my English teacher found out from my friends or something that I was gay. He knows our family pretty well. My brothers went through his class. He said that if I didn't give him a blowjob, that he'd tell my parents that I was gay. And if my parents found out, they'd disown me. I know it.

21:11 Caller They'd kick me out. Yeah.

21:14 Adam Sounds a little bogus.

21:16 Caller No, it's not.

21:17 Adam It's not.

21:17 Caller My parents are not up for gays. They're pretty religious.

21:20 Adam They're not up for gays?

21:21 Not up.

21:22 Drew All right. We'll explore this a little bit. There's something going on here.

21:25 All right.

21:28 Adam What? You know what? Anderson just said that was Van from last week. Van, who pronounced his name Sam or something?

21:39 Drew Anderson, get a tape. Let's get a piece of that and listen to it.

21:41 Adam Are you kidding me? Come on.

21:43 Drew We can do that.

21:44 Adam Are you nuts?

21:46 Drew Drew. He did that once.

21:48 Adam Remember? What kind of bizarre fantasy planet are you living on?

21:53 Drew Did you not one time bust a guy this way? Remember?

21:56 Yeah, but that was coincidental because I had him on the 360. I don't have a soundbite from Sam talking about the mailman nailing him last week.

22:04 Adam Drew, it's bizarre to me how naive you are sometimes.

22:08 Drew Anderson did it last time, that's all I know. I don't know how he did it.

22:12 I want to talk to Greg Brady.

22:14 Adam What? Anderson, who was that?

22:17 Caller That's the guy I busted last time.

22:19 Adam Oh, okay. Listen, I trust Anderson's ear. Now, what was Van's question last week?

22:25 Drew Mailman.

22:26 Adam Oh, he was, the mailman wanted, oh, the mailman raped him.

22:30 Drew Yeah, yeah.

22:31 Adam That's right. That's right, put his penis right through the mail slot and Van was the...

22:35 Drew Danielle, is that why you didn't put his car? Because you thought, did Danielle think Carlos was Van also?

22:40 Caller No, I thought it was Carlos.

22:41 Caller That's why I put him on.

22:43 Adam No, but...

22:44 Drew The Carlos.

22:44 Adam The Carlos, first time. All right, hold on. Let me say something to Carlos. Hey, Carlos.

22:48 Caller Yeah?

22:49 Adam Yeah, but why would a guy who made up the name Van mispronounce the name Van so often?

22:55 I don't know.

22:57 Caller It's pretty stupid, but you guys get stupid callers, huh?

23:00 Caller All right.

23:01 Adam All right, Carlos, listen, I'm going to see you in hell, okay?

23:05 Caller What?

23:06 Drew He didn't say he was Van. He didn't say he was Van.

23:09 Adam I know, but I think it was.

23:11 Drew Are you Carlos?

23:12 Caller All right.

23:13 Adam Listen, hey, Ricky Retardos?

23:16 Caller Yeah? All right.

23:18 Adam Look, I think whether this is the bogus call from last week or not, I'm still labeling Carlos slash Van an imbecile, and I don't want to talk to him. Just based on our last exchange.

23:32 Drew I just hope this isn't a real call. If it is, it's pretty serious.

23:35 Adam Well, let me try. Carlos?

23:36 Caller Yeah?

23:37 Adam Yeah?

23:38 Caller Yeah?

23:39 Adam How old is your brother?

23:40 Caller What, like 22 and 18?

23:43 Adam And they were both in this guy's class before that?

23:45 Caller Yeah.

23:46 Adam What's the name of the school?

23:47 Caller I can't tell you that on the radio.

23:49 Adam All right. Can you call me at home and tell me?

23:51 Caller Yeah. What's your number?

23:52 All right. Hold on.

23:53 Adam I'll give it to you off the air.

23:56 Caller All right.

23:57 Drew Because let me just let me roar through it after the call, after the break, right?

24:00 All right.

24:00 Adam All right. I don't know. I'm going to talk to Anderson. Anderson may be right on this one. We'll take a little break. We'll be back to discover whether Carlos is telling the truth or not after this. It is the Love Line of Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LE-1-9-1.

24:57 Drew Yeah. We lost Carlos.

24:58 Adam Oh, good. Yeah. You know, Carlos was full ass. He wasn't gay. Gay guys don't sound like that. I mean, come on. Let's face it, everybody. He was a depressed burnout. He wasn't gay. I know a gay voice when I hear it.

25:13 Drew Adam.

25:14 Adam There it is. Who said that? Now he's laughing. Who is that?

25:18 Drew I've been meaning to talk to you.

25:19 Adam Oh, that's right, buddy. All right. Your secret's safe with me and our millions of listeners. Amy, you're- Look for the areas. Fill that space.

25:27 23.

25:28 Adam Oh, man. Is he gay?

25:31 Who?

25:31 Adam That's, what's his name? Oh, what's that guy's name? Chris Lowell.

25:36 Drew Anderson, I don't get to hear the drops. I don't hear what, all I hear is Adam stop talking, which is, I must admit, a moment of glory, but I don't hear what you're slotting in.

25:44 Adam Yeah. Look for the areas. Fill that space. Yeah. Listen, I stop talking, you stop getting paid, buddy. So, Amy? Yeah. You're 23.

25:52 Drew By the way, every time Adam says something like that, I think it's happening for the better for me. So, that's good. I like to hear that.

25:58 Adam Yeah. Yeah. But I can make it all in tomorrow. You say the word. Amy, you're 23. You're lucky you have kids. I feel sorry for you. I could make it all go away otherwise. Amy, you're 23. What's going on?

26:11 Caller Okay. Here's my question. My boyfriend is really into anal sex, and I know you get a lot of calls about that. It's not like he's obsessed with it. That's the only way he'll have sex with me. But he likes it a lot. The phone screener asked me if I've ever liked it at any point in time. One time we did it, I did like it. But for the most part, it's not something I really want to do.

26:32 Drew What was different the time you did like it?

26:34 Caller I don't know. I don't know what it was. I don't know. I know hormones are at a certain extent, at certain points of the month. I don't know if I had anything to do with that. It was just a really great orgasm that time.

26:49 Adam You had an anal orgasm?

26:51 Caller No. I mean, that definitely enhanced it, but it wasn't a purely anal orgasm. There was clitoral stimulation as well.

26:59 Adam Little reach around, huh?

27:01 Caller Well, on my part, he was too busy with his hands on my ass, I guess.

27:05 Adam That was you, huh?

27:06 Caller Yeah.

27:08 Adam He was behind you, huh?

27:09 Caller Yeah.

27:10 Adam God bless you. You didn't hit your forehead on something? You were able to hold yourself up okay?

27:14 Caller You know what? If I did the pain, I probably wouldn't have noticed it.

27:18 Adam You're right. I understand.

27:20 Drew Where did Amy go to finishing school?

27:21 Caller What?

27:23 Drew Nothing.

27:24 Adam Okay. He loves anal. You're not so into it, and your question is?

27:30 Caller Well, I want to know what makes it so much better for a guy that they want to do it, that it makes them almost bag for it.

27:38 Adam Well, I'll tell you what it is. It's that you don't want to do it. I mean, it really is. Let me explain something, Amy. Let me explain something to all women. All of you who are listening to the show, please grab a pen and pencil because this is a pearl of real wisdom. For you, sex is about intimacy, and it's about stimulation, and it's about feeling good. For men, it's about stimulation and feeling good, but if you replace the intimacy with another thing, like debauchery, meaning that is our unspoken, that is our wild card, this is interesting. I hadn't really thought about this too much, but everyone likes the physical sensation of sex. I mean, sex breaks down into two parts. There's the physical sensation, which is, wow, that feels good, and then there's the emotional part, which is whatever, whatever it is to whatever. Maybe it's like this guy, he reminds me of daddy, or I'm having a close, loving, intimate whatever. Whatever it is for everyone, there's the physical, then there's the emotional. The problem is, for a lot of guys, that emotional part has to do with degradation, and sort of abuse, and role playing, and aggression.

28:56 Drew Aggression, yeah.

28:56 Adam Right.

28:57 Caller Well, he's not obsessed with it. It's not like that's the only way to hurt him.

29:00 Adam No, but that is the part. He gets the physical sensation, and then there's that other part. That's what that fills for him. You can't understand that, because it doesn't do anything for you on that level.

29:10 Drew There is another thing, too, that we have never talked about. I'm not even sure if this is accurate. Can you hear me?

29:14 Adam Yeah, I can hear you.

29:15 Drew Do you hear me?

29:16 Adam Yes, we all hear you.

29:17 Drew There we go. There we go. I'm sorry. This mic went off. We've never talked about it, and that is the...

29:23 Adam Well, hold on, Drew. Let's not talk about it now.

29:26 Drew Wait, no, no, really. I want to match this.

29:27 Caller It's good radio.

29:28 Adam We've had five years without talking about it. We have to talk about it now?

29:31 Drew I'm not sure if this is accurate. It's the sort of holy grail thing where once a guy gets something in his craw, he has an experience that's sort of the ultimate, he's forever... He's got to reproduce that one every time. Maybe he had something special with her physically with that one time, and now he's just trying to reproduce that, reproduce that, and the guys will go repeat endlessly in an attempt to reproduce that.

29:55 Caller He's never done it with anybody else before.

29:57 Drew I understand. Is that right? Is that to make sense?

30:00 Adam Yes. And also, for guys, a lot of sex is what we can get a woman to do, especially if she doesn't want to do it. And when you're with somebody, I mean, look at it this way, guys are so wrapped up in the chase, right? But then, you're monogamous, you've been in a relationship for two years, there's no chase anymore. So what do you chase? The elusive anus. The crafty elusive anus. Think about it. Now you have reestablished a chase within your monogamous relationship. I want your anus. You can't have it. Give me that anus. Come back anus. Anus. I know you're around here somewhere.

30:41 Come back.

30:43 Adam Slam the window. It's trying to get out. Yeah. I mean, it's like now I have something to keep myself. You know, I can, I get the hunt in the chase going within a monogamous relationship. I'm chasing the wily anus.

30:59 Drew Be very, very quiet.

31:02 Adam Well, I mean, think about it. Don't you think there's some truth to that?

31:05 Drew Yeah. This is all sort of partial truths we're speaking of.

31:07 Adam All right. Good. But they all add up to one big collective truth. Thank you. There you go, Amy. But listen, if you don't want to do it, don't do it. God bless.

31:15 Drew There you go.

31:16 Adam Enjoy. Darryl.

31:18 Caller Yeah.

31:18 Adam You're 27.

31:20 Caller Yeah.

31:20 Adam What's up? Drew loves the enjoy.

31:24 I have a question for Drew. Yeah.

31:26 Drew Yes, Darryl. I'm sorry.

31:26 Adam, before I ask Drew the question, I just want to tell you, dude, you are the God of Mandu.

31:31 Adam Thank you.

31:31 You know what I'm saying? Your show rocks, bro.

31:33 Adam Thank you. Speaking of the God of Man, the Man Show would be on tonight in places that hear the show in a one-day delay. Like East Coast, Midwest, that sort of thing. Thank you. 1030 Comedy Central. Go ahead.

31:45 Well, Drew, I have a question. I was with the girl for a little over two years and she liked me to shave the pubes off completely. After a while, it started developing like moles almost. You know what I mean? Not like rake bumps or not like ingrown hairs. I'm talking like moles.

32:03 Drew Black?

32:04 Caller No, they're like the same color as the rest of my skin, but they're like these little moles.

32:11 Drew Moles are dark.

32:12 Caller Yeah, but I mean these are like big skin like catches. You know what I mean? They're like, they're not just bumps. There's like a chunk of skin hanging off me right there. You know, like by little...

32:23 Drew Oh, oh, like skin tags. Like skin tags. Yeah. Okay.

32:27 Caller I stopped shaving there like almost a year ago, but I mean I still got these things.

32:31 Drew They're not going away. Yeah, they have to be taken off. They can be burned off with liquid nitrogen or with electricity.

32:37 Adam Well, where'd he get them?

32:38 Drew They're just skin tags. It's nothing. They may have been there before. He just didn't know it, perhaps.

32:43 Adam Hey, speaking of anal for one second.

32:46 Drew Oh, please. Now we're finished with that topic.

32:49 Adam Yeah. I don't want to get too far off the topic.

32:51 Yeah, of course.

32:52 Adam I did a thing today called adult film fantasy camp. That's what I was filming all day today. It was a funny man show bit. We had a whole bunch of adult film stars from 70s, 80s. It was sort of like those baseball fantasy camps. Rich guys go out to Vero Beach for a week and they hang out with all these old legends of baseball. The same thing, but with old porn stars. Some new, some not so new. But the point is we're sitting around with Ron Jeremy and Randy West and Peter North and all the guys who will eventually make it into the porn hall of fame.

33:32 Drew Adam, these are your heroes.

33:34 Adam Yeah, they really are.

33:36 Drew What was that like for you?

33:37 Adam Well, let me say this first off there, Drew. Porn people, real people, regular real people just like you and me. All right, except for Ron Jeremy's nailed 1700 women. Actually, 1702 if you count the two women he nailed off camera in the last 43 years. But then again, he doesn't have to. But the point is we had a funny conversation with Ginger Lynn, who you must have heard of. She's probably done this show before.

34:08 Drew She's done this show a couple of times.

34:09 Adam And we're talking about a guy named Jamie Gillis, who I have seen on these movies from the 70s and early 80s. He always keeps his eyes closed. He looks a little bit like me, which makes me think I could get into porn one day. And he seems a little abusive, seems a little rough. He kind of pushes the women around, kind of slaps them in the ass a little. I've always had my questions about Jamie Gillis. So I said to Ginger, what about this Jamie Gillis? I mean, what kind of guy was he? You've worked with him before. Well, Jamie Gillis was kind of a tough customer. People didn't like him that much. And he was a little rough around the edges. And a few other people piped up. Yeah, it was kind of bad news. And then Ginger said, yeah, I mean, you kind of had to get to know him. He wasn't all bad. I mean, he was a decent enough guy. He got kind of a bad rap. One time he tried to do a dry anal rape on me. Other than that, he was a fairly decent guy. I thought dry anal rape, there you go. Yeah, I guess that is stepping out of line just a little bit, isn't it, Drew? You know what I mean?

35:20 Drew Just the range of expression that those folk have, a little different than the average person.

35:24 Adam See, for me, you take any two of those words and put them in any order, we're fine. Anal rape, dry rape, rape dry, but dry anal rape, that's where I pipe up, that's where I have a conversation with my agent. Know what I'm saying, Drew?

35:44 Drew So these heroes were sitting around with you?

35:46 Adam Decent enough guy except for the dry anal rape.

35:49 Drew No, you're heroes, Adam.

35:50 Adam Oh yes, yes, Randy West, hell of a guy and a fine actor.

35:55 Drew Peter North you've mentioned more often than your mom.

35:58 Adam That's right, well, at least in a better light. Yeah, the decorator. He was there in great shape. Like I said, these guys are real people and real actors. Ron Jeremy who was in Taboo 2 was there. You know, the thing that's sad is I know more movies he was in than he does. I had to explain it. As a matter of fact, I did sing the theme to Taboo 2 to Ron Jeremy.

36:23 Drew Oh, did he crack up?

36:24 Adam Yeah, he was laughing. He had no idea what I was talking about. Wow. It kind of hurt in a way, you know? I was like, I felt like a Trekkie, you know? Telling Shatner some episode he couldn't remember. And Shatner would be looking at the guy like, hey, that was 27 years ago, you loser. It was just a paycheck for me. What the hell are you talking about? I sung him the entire Taboo 2 theme song. He had no idea what I was talking about.

36:52 Drew Impressive.

36:53 Adam But he was still impressed. Or I think it seemed like he was. All right, let's just, we got to go to break, but who are we going to say hi to before we go to break?

37:02 Drew You want to say hi to somebody?

37:03 Adam Yeah.

37:03 Drew Here's Tim.

37:04 Adam Tim, you're 20. Tim? Oh, boy.

37:09 Drew Caller goes by Tim.

37:10 Adam We got Tim now.

37:12 Caller Tim?

37:14 Drew Oh, boy.

37:14 Adam All right. Your girlfriend stuck her finger in your anus, and you had an orgasm, and it was more intense. Is that true?

37:23 Yes.

37:24 Caller She never did that before, and I really don't know if that's what caused it, or I really didn't like it, but the orgasm was bigger, so I'm trying to figure out what happened there.

37:38 Adam Sounds like a dare situation to me, Drew. Dry anal rape.

37:43 Drew Yes, yes. Get your support crew out.

37:47 Adam All right. We'll take ourselves a little break, and then we're going to come back and figure out what's up with Tim Zanus after this.

37:58 Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

38:01 Adam Well, it's worth hearing. Hey there, Loveline, there, kiddies. Phone number, 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. That's Dr. Drew, I'm Adam Corolla. And who are we speaking to, Tim?

38:47 Drew Yep, six, you pull that up for me.

38:49 Adam Alrighty. Tim?

38:52 Caller Yes, how you doing?

38:53 Adam Good. So, how long have you had this girlfriend of yours?

38:57 Caller Going on three years now.

38:59 Adam Uh-huh, and...

39:03 Drew What was that?

39:04 Caller He's never... He's totally took control.

39:07 Oh, Jesus Christ.

39:08 Drew Oh, my God.

39:10 Caller Sorry, I had my radio up.

39:12 Adam Hey, Tim, what do you do for a living?

39:15 Caller What's that?

39:16 Adam What do you do for a living?

39:18 Caller I'm a dog catcher.

39:19 Adam Oh, really?

39:20 Caller Yeah.

39:21 Adam Now, that sounds like a kush gig to me. Not only do you get to work around dogs, but the chicks dig that.

39:28 Caller Hey, I'm fighting them off.

39:29 Adam What do you do as a dog catcher? I mean, how does that work? I understand you probably catch some dogs, but how does it go? Do people call you out?

39:39 Caller Yeah, they call me out, but I usually don't come because I'm pretty worthless.

39:42 Adam Yeah, I see. But hypothetically, and I'm going to say this to all our callers, when we ask you what you do, tell us what that person would be doing if they had your job. You know what I mean? If you were doing your job, what are you expected to do even if you don't do it as a dog catcher?

40:01 Caller See, I'm expected to go out and pick these dogs up, take them back to the kennels or whatever, but...

40:06 Adam Do you have a big giant net you chase them with, like in the cartoons?

40:10 Caller No, we got like, it's more like a, you know, like a huge zip tie on this pole.

40:17 Adam A big pole, the zip tie. Yeah. You ever run into any mean dogs, like junkyard dogs?

40:23 Caller I was attacked by a pit bull about a year and a half ago.

40:26 Adam How'd that go?

40:29 Caller I'd say he won.

40:30 Adam You'd say he won. And do you have any kind of protection? You must have some mace or something.

40:36 Caller No, actually no.

40:37 Adam No?

40:38 Caller No.

40:38 Adam Mailmen carry mace.

40:41 Caller I guess we're expected to just not be attacked.

40:44 Adam Well, hold on a second. You have a job where you go out and basically collect stray disease dogs who could be vicious and you're not armed with anything at all?

40:58 Caller No.

41:00 Adam And there's no movement afoot to give you guys a little pepper spray or something?

41:07 Caller No, I guess not. I mean, I take my own sometimes, depending on the call I get. But usually it's nothing really big. So somebody loses their dog and then it vines.

41:15 Adam All right. So you do have your own mace?

41:18 Caller Yeah.

41:19 Adam Okay. Hey, Drew?

41:20 Drew Yeah.

41:21 Adam Were you talking about that about 20 minutes ago with him about the mace?

41:25 Drew Yeah.

41:25 Adam As it turns out, he does kind of have mace that he brings.

41:29 Drew I'm trying to figure out what he's hiding from us.

41:31 Adam I don't know.

41:32 Drew Maybe he's actually a policeman and trying to pull our, not divulge that he's actually out doing law enforcement.

41:38 Adam No, I think he's just a really stupid dog catcher.

41:42 Caller Oh, gee.

41:43 Adam Don't you think?

41:44 Caller I don't know.

41:45 Adam 20 is a little young for a cop. I'm going to put him back on hold. I like to let him suffer for just a little bit for not answering my questions. Michelle?

41:55 Yeah.

41:56 Adam It's an important lesson for the other listener. You're 18. What's up?

41:59 Caller Yeah, I had a question. I found out two years ago that I was born without a uterus. And actually...

42:05 Adam Hold on. Same here. That's why I'm interested in this call. What are we going to do, Drew?

42:11 Caller Well, actually, I'm a nursing student and I've been researching actual womb and uteral transplants, finding out if that was possible.

42:22 Drew I've never heard of anybody doing anything like that.

42:25 Caller Okay.

42:25 Drew Where have you seen that happen?

42:27 Caller I've been actually looking it up through like medical journals and things like that. It was on the Internet. That's why.

42:32 Drew Somebody's doing it?

42:34 Caller Well, no. It's about like the technology and all that kind of stuff, how they think that that's going to be likely within the next couple of years. And I was wondering if you had heard anything about that.

42:43 Drew I don't understand how they could put you on immunosuppressives and get you pregnant, because that would not allow the pregnancy to happen.

42:53 Caller Well, I have, I don't know if this matters, but I have two ovaries and I do have eggs.

42:58 Drew Yeah, but if they're going to put a foreign organ in you, you're going to have to be on cyclosporine and all those immunosuppressive drugs. So really what should happen to you, what they would do with you is they'd stimulate the eggs, harvest them, and then put them in somebody else.

43:10 Caller Okay.

43:11 Drew And have a surrogate mom. That's the way to deal with this.

43:13 Caller Okay.

43:14 Adam That's right. Hey, so it's like you had a hysterectomy, right?

43:21 Drew Yeah.

43:21 Caller Yeah.

43:22 Adam You're just born with that one.

43:23 Caller Not really.

43:24 Drew Well, what do you mean not really?

43:26 Adam Not really or yeah?

43:28 Caller No, I just was born without one.

43:31 Drew How is it not like having had a hysterectomy?

43:33 Caller Well, hysterectomy is not everything is gone?

43:35 Drew No, that's a total hysterectomy. Oh, hysterectomy.

43:38 Caller You're right.

43:39 Adam All right. Who's the nursing student here, smart pants?

43:42 Drew Usually when they-

43:42 Adam Jesus Christ.

43:43 Drew Listen, when they talk about hysterectomy, they usually talk about total abdominal hysterectomy and bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy. That's where the ovaries and tube goes out. Hysterectomy just means uterus. Okay, gotcha. So if you get a vaginal hysterectomy, it's just the uterus, they leave the ovaries in the tube.

43:56 Caller Okay.

43:57 Adam This genius is such a burden sometimes. I'm unable to communicate with people.

44:01 Caller Thank you.

44:02 Adam All right, Michelle?

44:03 Caller Yeah.

44:03 Adam Yeah, you just harvest your eggs, they plant them in some mule, and you have yourself some kitties and a prom. Meanwhile, you have a good five, eight years before you even want to begin thinking about this.

44:16 Caller Oh, yes, I know that.

44:17 Adam All right.

44:18 Caller Thank you.

44:18 Adam Now be careful. I don't trust those nurses. You know what I'm saying?

44:22 Caller Yeah.

44:23 Adam You don't have any other problems? No. All nurses are nuts. You know that, don't you? Okay.

44:28 Drew Oh, yeah.

44:29 Adam You do know that, right? Yeah. You work with nurses.

44:32 Caller Yeah. I'm a behavioral counselor. I know.

44:34 Adam Uh-oh. All right. Keep an eye on yourself, would you?

44:36 Caller Thank you.

44:37 Adam All right. We can't always be there. Drew, why are all nurses nuts?

44:42 Drew Well, they aren't all nuts, but in any caring profession where you have to be completely selfless and you're caring, there tends to be issues that you put into the broad umbrella of codependency.

44:54 Adam Thank you. Thomas?

44:56 Yeah.

44:56 Adam You're 27. What's your question?

45:00 Caller Well, I have a question about can you get sexually transmitted diseases by masturbating with a pillow?

45:06 Adam Only AIDS. That's the only one. To the best of my knowledge, it's the only one that's been documented. Right, Drew?

45:12 Drew Well, except for that, what can we get from it?

45:14 Caller With a pillow?

45:15 Adam That's right.

45:17 Caller The pillow, the kind you sleep on.

45:18 Adam That's right.

45:20 Drew Yeah. Let's see. I think...

45:24 Adam Whose pillow is it?

45:26 Caller One that I buy at the store that's brand new.

45:28 Adam So it would be foam.

45:29 Drew It wouldn't be goose feathers.

45:31 Caller No, no. It's just like cotton polyester kind of thing. Nice and smooth and soft, just like a woman.

45:37 Adam Ah, hold on. Slow down there, champ. You're turning me on. And it can't talk, so this is the best of all worlds. Or call the cops. Um, this is just your pillow, though, right?

45:52 Caller Yeah, just my pillow.

45:53 Adam Well, do you figure? Yeah.

45:56 Caller When it was the military, it was somebody else's.

45:59 Adam When it was in the mil- when you were in the military?

46:02 Caller Yeah, it was somebody else's.

46:04 Adam You used to hump someone else's pillow?

46:06 Caller Yeah.

46:06 Adam Oh, man.

46:08 Drew This is a romantic, romantic tale.

46:09 Caller Well, I had a feathered one and-

46:12 Adam Hey, Thomas.

46:12 Caller He had a cotton one, yeah.

46:13 Adam I'd love to take you to Paris one day.

46:17 Caller I'm sure you would, but-

46:18 Adam I really would. This is my life. Oh, could you see it now, Drew? Just me, Thomas, and his pillow. It's a polyester-filled pillow, walking through the city of lights, down in Gay Perry, going at-

46:32 Drew Place de l'Apera, Place de l'Avandum. I can see it now.

46:39 Adam Oh, we go to the Louvre, and then it's off for a walk. Ah, to the Eiffel Tower. Oh, Drew, stop it, stop it. Stop it, it's too much. I swear one day I'm going to take that man to Paris. I swear it. God is my witness. Thomas? Yeah. Yeah. Hello? Yeah. I figured we'll take the Concorde.

47:05 Drew He has to finish his graduate training, the post-graduate training.

47:07 Adam That's right. All right. Then we're going to Paris. So seriously though, I have to have. You bought this pillow. You're the only one humping this pillow?

47:16 Drew I think.

47:17 Caller Yeah.

47:17 Adam So what venereal disease do you figure you're going to pass to yourself?

47:21 Caller I don't know. I got some kind of thing out of my leg that itches quite a bit.

47:26 Drew Well, it's a rash. So go have a doctor take a look at it. It could be an allergy to polyester.

47:31 Adam Let me explain something. If all you've humped is a pillow and you got herpes, you got to kill yourself. That is a sign. You are cursed. You are what they call a forsaken one.

47:45 Drew Not a chosen, but forsaken.

47:46 Adam The forsaken one. Write that down. It's a UPN cop movie I'm working on. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. Could you picture me and Thomas in Paris? I'm such a romantic. In his pillow. All right. I'm going to take a little break. I'm just picturing a montage. I was just spinning around in slow motion in some cafe.

48:13 Drew Something a little bit of a man show in this. I swear to God.

48:15 Adam All right. We'll take a little break. We'll be back after this.

48:21 Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. We'll be right back.

48:53 Caller Yeah.

48:55 Adam All right. We're going to take ourselves a quick 10-second timeout. We'll be back with more of the fabulous program in just 10 seconds.

49:03 Caller This is Loveline on radio station.

49:18 Adam Hey, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191.

49:24 Drew Are you done with Thomas? You done romanticizing?

49:27 Adam Yeah.

49:28 Drew You're done with him?

49:29 Adam Yeah, he humps his pillow. It's a brand new pillow. He's the only one who's humped it, and he suspects he got a disease from the pillow. All right.

49:39 Drew It is not from the pillow. I just thought you were going to make more plans for Paris.

49:42 Adam No, I'm going to surprise him one day and take him off to Paris. Margaret, you're 23.

49:49 Caller Yes.

49:50 Adam What's up?

49:51 Caller I had sex recently, and I think, I'm not sure, but I think that my pant size went up. It seemed like right after the next day, like my clothes didn't fit.

50:08 Drew Did you eat a bag of potato chips with him or something?

50:11 Caller No.

50:12 Drew I mean, something that would have caused you to retain fluid. That's the only way you can really increase your weight overnight. Substantial way overnight is with fluid retention.

50:21 Caller What would cause that?

50:23 Drew Again, high sodium, high salt burden.

50:27 Adam What are the other things? What about starch?

50:29 Drew Kidney failure. That's the other thing that can do it.

50:31 Caller We didn't like eating.

50:31 Drew Heart failure. Heart failure, kidney failure, liver disease. We weren't drinking and doing drugs or anything like that?

50:39 Caller Yeah, I guess. Yeah, we were.

50:40 Drew Oh, okay, except for that.

50:42 Adam Why?

50:42 Drew It must have been a...

50:43 Caller But would it go down then?

50:45 Adam What about drinking and drugs? What's that do for you, Drew?

50:48 Caller What's that?

50:49 Adam Drew.

50:50 Drew Well, it changes a lot of things, but amongst other things, it changes how your liver functions, it changes how your kidneys kill... clear fluids. It'll change a lot of things, so that's more what it is, I'm sure.

51:01 Adam All right. Maybe part of his penis broke off in you, and that's where the extra width came from.

51:06 Caller Is that possible? I don't think so.

51:07 Adam I think that happened to me. I swear I'm missing part of it, but it's the middle section. That's why I can't figure it out. Yeah.

51:12 Drew I'm a little worried about the drugs and alcohol thing, and that you would overlook that to be preoccupied with how your body weight went up overnight.

51:19 Adam Yeah. I smoked a little weed, had a few beers. Nothing more than that, right, Margaret?

51:25 Caller Right.

51:25 Caller Basically, that was all.

51:26 Adam What else?

51:26 Drew Basically.

51:28 Adam A little crack, sprinkling a Coke.

51:31 Caller No, it was more he asked me to go get liquor, and then after we were done, he was 15. He packed a bowl.

51:39 Adam He packed a bowl.

51:40 Caller Yeah.

51:40 Adam Yeah. All right. You guys smoked a little weed, you drank a little beer, right?

51:43 Caller Yeah. But I would think they would go down eventually.

51:48 Adam Yeah.

51:48 Caller It's been like a couple of weeks, and I haven't done any of that in a couple of weeks.

51:54 Adam In the pants are still tight.

51:55 Caller Yeah. I haven't changed anything.

51:58 Drew After you smoked a lot of pot, what did you eat?

52:02 Caller I'm not one of those type who eats a lot after I smoke pot or something.

52:08 Adam Well, it could be you're just getting fatter. That could be. All right.

52:14 Drew You're fat.

52:15 Adam Drew, please. Let's speak to Greg. He's been on hold for a thousand minutes. You see Greg over here, Drew? Twenty-one. Greg?

52:25 Caller Hey. How are you guys doing?

52:26 Adam What's going on?

52:29 Caller Well, I started seeing this girl about a month ago or so, and everything was going okay, taking things slow and stuff like that. Then one night we started fooling around. Everything got kind of sexual, and everything was going okay, but it stopped before we actually had sex. The next day when I saw her, she said we needed to talk and everything like that, and she just got unbelievably upset, and she pretty much had a breakdown, you know, crying uncontrollably and everything like that. I didn't know what had happened. Eventually it came back to me, and I found out that she had been abused when she was younger.

53:10 Adam How did you find that out?

53:12 Caller Well, she told me, I mean, after constantly, you know, trying to pry it out of her.

53:16 Adam Nice piece of detective work there.

53:18 Caller What's that?

53:19 Adam All right, so she eventually found out she'd been abused after she told you.

53:23 Caller Right. Now, I never found out by who but since she has told me that, she doesn't want to have anything to do with me.

53:31 Adam Okay.

53:32 Caller All right.

53:32 Adam Well, there's really nothing you can do about it, Greg.

53:34 Caller Yeah.

53:35 Adam I know you'd like to fix it and I know women are few and far between with you. Huh?

53:41 Caller Well, I mean, it's just some, it was a situation where it was, where we hit it off and everything was great.

53:49 Adam Right.

53:49 Caller And then it seems like she was so embarrassed by what she had told me that, you know.

53:54 Drew Well, Greg, she isn't what she appeared to be. She's got some substantial, no, not kind of, she has some substantial issues.

54:02 Adam Obviously.

54:03 Drew And they're hers. Her way of dealing with it are to, in your case, detach herself from you. She can't handle the relationship right now. It's reasonable to come after her and say you'd like to be in one. But if she can't handle it, she can't handle it.

54:16 Yeah.

54:16 Drew That's it.

54:17 Okay.

54:17 Adam I got three things to say, Greg.

54:19 Okay.

54:22 Adam Let's see. Dry anal rape.

54:24 No.

54:26 Adam The three things I want to say is, A, if someone wants to be away from you for whatever reasons, fair or unfair, good or bad, sane or insane, if they want to be away from you, they're going to be away from you.

54:39 Drew That's it.

54:39 Adam Nothing you can do about it. Number two, may be a good thing because you are getting yourself hooked up with someone who has some serious issues, and this is going to be a tough road to hoe. It really will. Don't think you're going to work this out over dinner, and this will be the last you hear of it. This is going to be an ongoing thing. I mean, you're taking on a major project with this. Then three, if you do really feel strongly about her and you want to do something, send her some flowers, write her a heartfelt note and say, listen, this is the way I feel. I understand you've been through a few things, but I'd like to be there for you. Give her an opportunity. If she doesn't respond to that, then that's it. But I'm sort of of the mind that she's doing him a favor.

55:25 Drew There's sort of an awful fantasy that prevails because of the way the media works today, that you take somebody like this and just shower them with love, and when they accept your love, that will magically fix them.

55:34 Adam No.

55:35 Drew No.

55:36 Adam No. If this person has truly been abused, this is a decent amount of therapy and quite a few years away from being manageable. Jane?

55:47 Yeah?

55:47 Adam You're 26.

55:48 Caller Yes.

55:49 Adam Do we disturb you?

55:51 Caller What?

55:51 Adam Okay. What do you want?

55:54 Caller Okay. My husband and I are having a lot of problems sexually. He wants it all the time, and I don't.

56:03 Drew What's all the time?

56:05 Caller I mean, we're talking, he's like into this, like just after pre, you know, like teenager. I mean, every night, every other night, at least.

56:16 Adam I see.

56:16 Caller And I mean, I'm not saying that I don't ever want it again, but I mean, it's just getting him asking every day. It's kind of like, it's almost like he's nagging.

56:27 Adam Yeah. You sound a little angry at him.

56:30 Caller Yeah, because we've tried to, we have been able to work out everything else in our marriage except this. It keeps coming back. And it has come back this last time and it's pretty bad this time.

56:43 Drew What were the other things you were having to work out?

56:45 Caller Well, the other things, you know, like just usual marriage stuff, like, you know, oh, you're spending too much money. Okay, I'll stop, you know, stuff like that.

56:55 Adam Right. And-

56:56 Caller The house clean, yada, yada, yada.

56:58 Adam How often does he want sex all the time and how often do you want sex?

57:04 Caller Well, I mean, I think, you know, like once or twice a week, you know.

57:08 Adam Has it always been that way?

57:09 Caller Maybe a little bit less. Yeah, it has. I don't know if this is just something stuck in my head or what, but I mean, I had a lot of sex whenever I was a teenager and I'm HIV positive. And as soon as I found out I was HIV positive, I was also six months pregnant. Ever since then, it's just been kind of like whatever. It has no appeal to me anymore.

57:33 Adam I see.

57:35 Caller I mean, I do get enjoyment out of it. I haven't had an orgasm since I found out. I don't know if it's like a psychological thing with me or what.

57:42 Drew Are you on antiviral drugs?

57:44 Caller No. I'm in the process of getting back on them. We lost insurance.

57:49 Drew Oh my God.

57:50 Adam When did you find out, how long ago did you find out you were HIV positive?

57:55 Caller I was pregnant with my first child and she's now six.

58:01 Adam What about your second and third?

58:03 Caller My second, I did have the medications and this is, I only have two kids. My second one, I did have the medications. Everybody else in the house is fine. It's just me.

58:13 Drew How'd you get the HIV?

58:15 Caller Sex.

58:16 Adam Really?

58:17 Caller Yeah. And I've been listening to y'all joke around about the dry anal rape, but that's how I got it.

58:23 Drew A rape?

58:23 Adam I'm not joking about it. I'm just saying that. Well, actually, I was joking about it. Well, what happened?

58:28 Drew You got it from a rape?

58:30 Caller Yeah.

58:31 Adam Who was it?

58:32 Caller The guy I was seeing was, he was wanting to do that, and I kept saying no, no, and finally he just decided, okay, I'm just going to do it.

58:41 Drew Did you know he was HIV positive?

58:43 Caller No.

58:44 Adam What, did he know?

58:46 Caller I think he did. I'm not sure. I went back and spoke to his mother later on, and she had basically been disowned by him because he got married and had two kids, and whenever she wanted to tell the wife, he wouldn't let her.

59:02 Drew How did he get it?

59:04 Caller I have no idea.

59:04 Adam Drainal rape again. This guy, this guy sounds like a real prince.

59:09 Caller Yeah.

59:09 Adam I mean, it's like I got HIV.

59:11 Caller I've actually been going on the internet trying to track him down, so maybe he won't give it to somebody else.

59:18 Adam Oh boy. So your husband married you knowing you had AIDS, or HIV positive.

59:24 Caller HIV, and I told him the first night on our first date, and it didn't bother him.

59:29 Adam Wow. And that's hard up.

59:31 Drew Is your husband an addict?

59:33 Caller No. Neither one of us are.

59:35 Adam And he's hard up for sex, huh?

59:37 Caller Yeah.

59:39 Adam Wow. I like this guy's style, I think.

59:42 Caller He's open-minded, I guess.

59:43 Adam No kidding.

59:45 Caller By the way, stay away from preachers' kids, okay? That's what I married. He's a preacher's kid.

59:51 Drew Well, first of all...

59:52 Caller He's very open-minded as far as, you know, I'm invincible. I don't know, but as far as the sex, it's really becoming a problem in our marriage.

1:00:00 Drew Is he wearing a condom when you have sex?

1:00:02 Caller No, I'm allergic to latex.

1:00:04 Caller Oh, okay.

1:00:04 Drew How about polyurethane condom?

1:00:06 Caller Huh?

1:00:07 Drew Polyurethane condom.

1:00:09 Caller Well, I have never heard of those.

1:00:12 Caller All right.

1:00:12 Adam Hold on one second. Let me talk to my partner. Let me just backtrack a second here if someone had just tuned in and explain what's going on. Jane has been HIV positive for quite some time now. Six months into her first child's pregnancy, it was five now, did she say?

1:00:32 Drew I think so.

1:00:33 Adam So six? What? Since she was like 20 or 19 and a half or something, she has been HIV positive. She got it through being raped by her then-boyfriend, who quite possibly knew he was HIV positive, but yet raped her anally with no protection. Sounds just a bit out of line. Then she hooked up with another guy, told him on the first date, I'm HIV positive. He said, no problems. Now they're having sex occasionally.

1:01:08 Drew Unprotected.

1:01:08 Adam Maybe once a week. Unprotected? Yeah. His beef is he ain't getting enough unprotected HIV loving.

1:01:18 Caller Oh my God.

1:01:21 Adam That to me sounds bizarre. By the way, should you be having a second kid when you're HIV positive, Drew?

1:01:29 Drew Well, that's what I want to talk to her about a little bit is the need for therapy, the need for treatment to make sure to try to-

1:01:34 Adam Well, let's not jump to conclusions here, Drew.

1:01:37 Drew There's two reasons, A, to decrease her viral load, so it will make her less infectious to the husband, and B, hopefully keep her around long enough to get these kids through high school. I mean, that would be even longer if we've got willing, but-

1:01:49 Adam Listen, evil can evil would not want sex more than once a year with this woman. I can't believe, I mean, there's never been a more ironic call to Loveline ever, which is this guy is bugging me for unprotected sex and I'm HIV positive, so I'm not giving it up, and he wants it all the time. Morning noon and night, he wants unprotected sex with me and I'm HIV positive.

1:02:14 Drew Also ironic on the night when you brought up a new term about anal rape.

1:02:18 Adam Dry anal rape, by the way.

1:02:19 Drew Never discussed before.

1:02:21 Adam Thank you. Okay. So-

1:02:24 Drew So the main thing for Jane is that she get treatment. The other thing is, Jane? Yes. I'm sure you're aware that HIV infects the central nervous system. It causes depression and thought changes and libido changes. You can do your sex drive. You can go way down.

1:02:38 Adam Well, forget it. Listen, just, you know, Ally McBeal gets canceled. A lot of chicks dry up. You know what I mean? It doesn't take much. I mean, this is a big deal. Yeah. Jane, there's many issues here. We can't get to all of them tonight.

1:02:54 Drew But you must go to some sort of delivery system. You know well that you don't have to have insurance to get these medications.

1:03:01 Caller Yeah, I'm in the process. I already got the paperwork filed. I'm just waiting to hear back.

1:03:05 Adam Okay. Number two, how about a little therapy for you and Hubby? I've not met this man, but I don't want to take him to Paris. I really don't. I don't trust this guy. This guy is bizarre.

1:03:20 Caller Tell you what, if I promise not to touch you, you can take me to Paris. I need a break.

1:03:23 Adam There we go. Well, I mean, listen, hold on, Jane. First, please do not have any more kids.

1:03:30 Caller No, whenever I first became pregnant, I was in the process of trying to get approved to get a total hysterectomy, so I wouldn't have kids. Then I found out I was pregnant. That's how I found out, was because I was going through the testing.

1:03:43 Drew There are other ways, Jane.

1:03:45 Adam But you still got pregnant a second time, didn't you?

1:03:48 Caller Yes, I did.

1:03:49 Adam Well, all right. So I don't care what you're putting an application in for, you got knocked up a second time, in a short period of time. Here's the point there, Jane. You got a husband who's willing to risk being infected with HIV.

1:04:03 Drew He doesn't believe it. Well, now he's so grandiose.

1:04:06 Adam What the hell kind of dad is this? Now you got both parents who are infected with HIV, who might not be around to raise their two children. I mean, this is insanity, Jane.

1:04:18 Caller I'm not trying to make that the issue.

1:04:22 Adam Yeah, I know, but we'll decide what the issues are. And this is the issue. Forget about the frequency of sex. You got to get yourself on some triple cocktail, and you got to get him into a therapist with you, and you got to hash out a few things, because this guy clearly has some problems.

1:04:39 Drew Worrying about the frequency of sex is rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.

1:04:44 Adam Yeah. I mean, but just look at it this way. As we talk about every night, things don't exist in a vacuum. This guy's a father to two children, and he's wanting sex with somebody who's unprotected sex with someone who's HIV positive. What kind of dad is this? How responsible is he?

1:05:04 Drew But she said he doesn't believe he's invincible. He's so grandiose that this will never happen to him. Think about that.

1:05:14 Adam Kayla.

1:05:16 Guest Yes?

1:05:16 Adam You're 20.

1:05:17 Caller Yeah.

1:05:18 Adam What's going on?

1:05:20 Guest Okay, every, like, I don't know if it's like a week or two after I had my period, like, it smells down there. And I was just wondering if that's like, if it's a part of, like, my cycle, or if it's like a sign of an STD or something.

1:05:33 Drew It may be, or it may be.

1:05:35 Adam Well, it's always smelled down there after the period, right?

1:05:38 Guest Like, it's stronger than it usually is.

1:05:41 Adam Yeah, I know, but it's always after the period, right?

1:05:44 Drew Well, sometimes, shut up.

1:05:45 Guest I haven't noticed, like, a certain, like, week after or something, but it's always after my period.

1:05:52 Adam Okay, but what I'm... Thank you.

1:05:54 Caller I don't know.

1:05:55 Adam What I'm trying to say is, is if this has been going on for years...

1:06:00 Guest No, it's been like this probably like the last five months.

1:06:04 Adam Five months.

1:06:05 Caller Yeah.

1:06:05 Adam So you think you may have an STD that's causing this?

1:06:08 Caller Yeah, I think, I don't...

1:06:09 Adam But Drew, that doesn't sound right, does it?

1:06:11 Drew Well, you vaginize. Whenever you have a smell or discharge that's abnormal, particularly a smell, you got to worry about a bacterial overgrowth in the vagina. And that can be caused by a million things, one of which is an STD or an STD type of thing.

1:06:23 Guest So I probably should go get like, checked?

1:06:25 Drew Yeah, you should go get a check just to be sure. It's something you usually easily treat it. And it's nothing to worry about. You'll be more comfortable if you can be taken care of, certainly. And it may just be part of the normal cycling. Some women... Usually the change, though, is just before the period.

1:06:39 Adam Drew, I'm no gynecologist, but isn't it true they send a canary up there?

1:06:43 Drew Yeah, canary in a coal mine.

1:06:46 Adam Right. The canary dies, then the guy, then she has vaginitis? Or they actually do some kind of culture or something?

1:06:52 Drew And your point?

1:06:54 Adam I'm just wondering if they're still using the canary. That's all I want to know. Okay.

1:06:57 Drew Of course.

1:06:57 Adam Trevor?

1:07:00 Drew Trevor.

1:07:02 Adam Trevor's 11. What's happening, sport?

1:07:07 Guest All right.

1:07:07 Caller I have this habit.

1:07:10 Adam You're too young to listen to this show.

1:07:13 Guest No, it's okay.

1:07:13 Adam All right.

1:07:14 Guest All right. I have this habit. Like, I play with myself too often. Like, I'll get on the bus, and like, there will be a bunch of other people, and I'll go sit in the back, and I'll just start playing with it. Like, I'll go back and forth real fast with it, and then, like, there's these kids in the back seat, and they, like, I'm second to the back, and there's these two kids, and they, like, look over, and I kind of feel uncomfortable around them.

1:07:44 Adam Yeah.

1:07:45 Drew Why do you do this? Do you have to?

1:07:47 Guest Well, it's a really bad habit. I started it when I was, like, nine.

1:07:53 Adam What grade are you in, Trevor?

1:07:54 Drew Six. You had a medication, Trevor?

1:07:58 Guest No.

1:07:59 Drew Had you been?

1:08:01 Guest For what?

1:08:02 Adam I don't know.

1:08:03 Drew I don't know.

1:08:03 Adam You tell us.

1:08:04 Caller Yeah.

1:08:05 Guest No, I haven't. Why?

1:08:07 Adam Well, we're just curious.

1:08:08 Drew Just wonder if you've had behavior problems growing up.

1:08:11 Caller No.

1:08:12 Drew Never.

1:08:12 Adam You think you could stop yanking on yourself in the bus?

1:08:16 Guest Well, it's kind of hard because, I mean, it feels hella good, and I just, like, don't want to stop.

1:08:23 Adam Yeah. It feels good to take a nice BM, too. Do you take a crap in the bus?

1:08:28 Guest No.

1:08:29 Adam No. Okay. It feels good to do a lot of things. Feels good to walk around in your underpants. You don't show up at school in your underpants, do you? No. All right. So-

1:08:38 Drew We will make you stop, Trevor, eventually. This is inappropriate.

1:08:41 Adam As far as the other guy is looking, I think that's all right because that's what you do when people do sort of inappropriate behavior.

1:08:49 Caller Okay.

1:08:50 Adam All right. Anyone molest you?

1:08:52 Caller No.

1:08:53 Drew Anything else going on in your family? Anything when you break up or anything right now?

1:08:57 Guest I've got my parents screwing a few times.

1:08:59 Adam Yeah, that's all right. That's healthy. Mommy, daddy, they love each other.

1:09:02 Drew Is there a lot of aggression in your family too?

1:09:04 Caller No, not much.

1:09:06 Adam All right. Stay away from your penis.

1:09:08 Caller Okay.

1:09:09 Adam Okay. I go to bed too.

1:09:11 Drew Something is really up there.

1:09:13 Adam You know what I like about kids? I don't know at what point. I don't know how long it takes you to figure this out, but when you're young, you just keep talking until you run out of air. Then you take a big gulp. You go like, sometimes when I go on the bus, I touch myself and these other guys watch and they see me, and I keep yanking myself and it feels hella good and they just keep looking. I sit in the back of the bus and the bus driver comes back around. It's like a balloon that you've untied and it gets down. Kids always talk that way and I don't know when that ends. I think it stops somewhere. I don't know. It must be around 13 or 12 or something. You learn that you can sort of breathe and talk at the same time. You'll take those huge gulps of air right before you start a sentence. It's like, you know what it is? It's like you're trying to make it from one end of the pool to the other, underwater and talking. You're like, all right. I just gave myself a head rush. Who are we going to talk to now?

1:10:24 Drew The lovely people at the commercial break.

1:10:26 Adam Now, who are we going to talk to when we come back?

1:10:29 Drew How about Lindsay?

1:10:30 Adam Lindsay. Lindsay is, there she is. 17. Lindsay? Yeah. You want to know if you'll get pregnant from taking the pill at different times of the day.

1:10:40 Drew Yeah.

1:10:41 Adam Drew, you call that a, that's not going to keep people over the commercial break.

1:10:46 Drew Check out the other ones.

1:10:48 Adam The worse? Anderson says one.

1:10:50 Drew Yeah, one. All right.

1:10:51 Adam Lindsay?

1:10:51 Caller Yeah.

1:10:52 Adam You're supposed to take it about the same time, but it's not going to make a huge difference, is it, Drew?

1:10:57 Drew Not a huge difference, but it could make a difference.

1:10:59 Adam Try to take it around the same time, would you?

1:11:01 Drew It's important.

1:11:02 Caller Yeah, I'm already late.

1:11:04 Drew Oh, boy.

1:11:06 Caller Yeah.

1:11:07 Adam You think you're pregnant, then?

1:11:08 Guest I don't know.

1:11:10 Drew Have you missed any pills?

1:11:12 Guest No, but I've taken them. I missed one one day and then I took it at the wrong time the next day, and then I did it again that day.

1:11:19 Drew Didn't I just ask if she missed any pills, Adam?

1:11:22 Adam Yes, I think you did.

1:11:24 Drew Then she say I missed one one day?

1:11:25 Adam No. Yes. I don't know. No, I didn't. I'm done listening to you. You have to get yourself pregnancy test then, right?

1:11:32 Drew Yep. Yep.

1:11:33 Adam You got to wait 14 days.

1:11:34 Caller 14 days?

1:11:35 Adam Yeah.

1:11:36 Caller Okay.

1:11:36 Adam All right. Hey, Drew.

1:11:39 Drew Yeah.

1:11:39 Adam Why wouldn't every woman who took the pill take it at midnight, or whenever they went to bed, whenever that time was? Leave the pack.

1:11:49 Drew When you're brushing your teeth. Yeah.

1:11:50 Adam Yeah. I mean, why take the pills with you in your purse and have to, maybe you're eating lunch with somebody or something, it's time to take your pill, but you don't want to reach in and pop that thing out of your purse. You don't want the person to see what you're doing or you leave your purse or whatever.

1:12:05 Drew Consider who our callers are.

1:12:07 Adam Okay. I understand that. But I mean, let's say you brush your teeth or wash your face, or you do whatever you do every night before you go to bed. Why wouldn't you just take that whole pill packet, set it right on your bathroom sink, and every night just pop one when you're up in your bathroom? Does that make sense? Why take it at 3.30 in the afternoon every day or noon?

1:12:27 Caller Yeah.

1:12:28 Adam Don't you get to decide on that when they give you the packet of pills?

1:12:31 Caller Yep.

1:12:32 Adam All right. Do they tell you when they give you the pills, hey, you should take it at this time?

1:12:37 Drew Yep.

1:12:37 Adam They do?

1:12:38 Drew They advise you to try to take it at a time when you're going through usual rituals in the morning or the evening.

1:12:43 Adam Very good. All right. We're going to take ourselves a break. When we come back, we'll speak to Jessica, who was molested by her evil stepdad, now afraid of commitment. Wants to know if there's any connection? I'm guessing yes, but we'll get to that after this. Yeah, it's the Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew over there, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Hey, Drew.

1:13:44 Drew Yeah.

1:13:44 Adam You know, I sometimes sit around and think about things that are missing from today's TV shows.

1:13:49 Drew Oh, sometimes?

1:13:51 Adam Yeah, like souffle humor, or dividing the room in half after an argument, saying you gotta stay on this side of the apartment, you gotta stay on that side of the apartment. There's a couple, that's good humor. I was thinking of some dramatic things today while I was sitting around, filming the adult film fantasy camp. One is, these are mostly 70s TV shows. Usually when they would try to kill somebody in the 70s, they would cut the brake lines.

1:14:17 Drew Oh yeah.

1:14:18 Adam Not much of that going on anymore.

1:14:20 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:14:21 Adam You know, they'd cut the brake lines, and all of a sudden, the chick would be going down mole hauling.

1:14:27 Drew Yeah, Windy Hill.

1:14:29 Adam Yeah. Show her pumping the brake and it wasn't working. I think the problem with that logic is, how did they get the 12 miles without using the brake up to the mountain road? You know what I mean? Like, you back out of the driveway, your brake lines cut. You know it's cut, right?

1:14:48 Drew It always goes out at a certain point, remember?

1:14:50 Adam Yeah, but the thing is, you cut a brake line, you cut a brake line. You just lose hydraulic pressure. You know it when you got into the car and started it up and put your foot on the brake, it would feel like it. Number two, when's the last time you heard this line? Guy, someone fell to their death or a sandbag landed on someone's head backstage, and the inspector holds the rope up and says, this rope didn't break, it was cut.

1:15:14 Caller Right.

1:15:15 Adam Not a lot of ropes breaking anymore. And on the humorous side, let me tell you something I miss too. I miss that take where the, like, criminal hides, you know, the family comes home and the criminal, like, hides in the pantry in the kitchen, and the dad wants a snack, and he opens the pantry door, and the criminal hands him a box of crackers, and he says, thanks. And he shuts the door and he starts walking away and about halfway to the sink, he stops and goes, whoa, whoa, whoa.

1:15:41 Drew Yes, yes.

1:15:43 Adam I miss that, like, 10-second delay, where you just would thank people for stuff. For anything. As if you're going to open your closet door, some criminal is going to hand you your raincoat, like, thanks a lot. You put it on and you get one arm on and as the second arm goes in, you go, whoa, what was that? I miss that. I'd like to see a little more of that.

1:16:06 Drew Yeah, the thing about 70s television, there was no one sweated the details about anything.

1:16:12 Adam No, you know why? Because it was like, hey, this is TV. People allowed to hand you stuff. Yeah, now TV's got to be like real life. Yeah, that's why I don't believe it anymore. All right, where are we going here? Up to one?

1:16:24 Drew Yeah, Jessica.

1:16:26 Adam Jessica.

1:16:27 Guest Hi.

1:16:28 Adam You're 15.

1:16:29 Guest Yep.

1:16:30 Caller Yeah.

1:16:31 Adam You know, one out of three people who died on TV were killed because their brake lines were cut. I don't know if you're aware of that.

1:16:36 Drew Or someone cut the rope.

1:16:38 Adam There's a lot of cutting of things that were going on. Yeah, now they just shoot you. Very unimaginative. What's up there, Jessica? You were molested by your stepdad?

1:16:48 Guest Well, I was sexually abused, like not fully molested, but he would like walk in on me and stuff, and he would touch me.

1:16:54 Drew How old were you when this all went down?

1:16:56 Guest Huh?

1:16:57 Drew How old were you when this started?

1:16:58 Guest Ever since, like, probably, I don't know, I was like 11, up until like six months ago, I'd say.

1:17:06 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy behavior.

1:17:09 Guest Okay.

1:17:10 Adam And did you ever tell your mom about this?

1:17:13 Guest No, I was always scared to because like every time I would, like me and him would fight a lot and every time I would like try to tell my mom, she like kind of would deny it, like not deny it, but I wouldn't really tell her.

1:17:25 Drew She kind of want to hear it.

1:17:26 Adam She want to hear it.

1:17:26 Guest Yeah, exactly.

1:17:28 Adam And you say like, like when you were changing, he'd walk in.

1:17:31 Guest He would know I was changing and he would like purposely walk in and it wouldn't be an accident because it happened.

1:17:37 Adam I see.

1:17:38 Guest Every time.

1:17:38 Adam But what happened with the touching part?

1:17:41 Guest Like he would just like touch my boobs and tell me he was like proud of my growth and all this stuff and like stupid excuses. It would just be very uncomfortable and he would touch me whenever my mom wasn't there.

1:17:53 Adam And now he stopped.

1:17:54 Guest Yeah, because he doesn't live with us anymore.

1:17:57 Caller What happened?

1:17:58 Guest Well, my mom and him got into a fight about something else and the only person that really knew about it was my aunt and I told her to talk to my mom because I thought that that was the only way my mom would listen.

1:18:08 Drew Did she?

1:18:10 Guest Yeah, she listened and she divorced him as ASAP and he was out of the house.

1:18:14 Adam How long ago did you tell your aunt about this?

1:18:17 Guest She knew for about a year. Like, you know, because every female in my family kind of felt weird around him too. And so it wasn't just me and every other female in the family kind of knew about it too.

1:18:30 Caller Yeah.

1:18:30 Drew Have you ever had any treatment for this yourself?

1:18:33 Caller No.

1:18:34 Drew Did your mom choose another winner with your biological dad? Was he another kind of guy like this?

1:18:39 Guest No. My biological father, like, I still talk to him. But he was into drugs and drinking. And he beat my mom when they were together.

1:18:48 Adam Other than that, a good guy, though, right?

1:18:50 Guest Yeah.

1:18:51 Drew Nothing like this.

1:18:51 Guest Totally changed. No.

1:18:53 Adam The drugs and the beating. Other than that, a pretty decent guy.

1:18:56 Drew Well, Jessica.

1:18:58 Guest The thing is, I'm scared of commitment. And I can't really get into relationships.

1:19:03 Drew No surprise.

1:19:04 Guest And see, but I want to know because not only that, but I'm also very self-conscious because of everything that's happened.

1:19:11 Drew Well, it's hard to develop any esteem. It's hard to develop a way to regulate your feelings. It's hard to feel good.

1:19:18 Adam How's biological dad doing now?

1:19:20 Guest Well, at the time when he found out about this whole thing, he wanted to kill my stepfather. But like now, he's...

1:19:27 Adam Hold on. You know what his beef was. Hey, I do the beating and abusing around here. Hey, son of a bitch. He's horning in on my turf.

1:19:38 Drew But Jessica, he's...

1:19:40 Adam I love that. I do the drugs and the beating around here. Not this guy.

1:19:45 Drew I thought she said he was in recovery now, the biological dad.

1:19:49 Adam How is biological dad?

1:19:51 Guest He's... well, he's with my stepmom now, but like, what do you mean, how is he?

1:19:58 Drew Drugs and alcohol.

1:19:59 Adam Let me see if I can rephrase that. How is he?

1:20:01 Guest He's still kind of into alcohol, but he's totally off drugs.

1:20:06 Adam Yeah. All right. Well, hey, Jessica, listen to me.

1:20:10 Guest Okay.

1:20:11 Adam Because I'm the smartest man in the universe. Although if you listen to the show, you realize it doesn't take much.

1:20:18 Drew To be the smartest man in the universe.

1:20:19 Adam That's right. At least in the Loveline universe. Here's the deal. You're a very intelligent girl. I can tell that you're very mature.

1:20:26 Caller Thank you.

1:20:27 Adam You unfortunately have been raised by just wolves.

1:20:32 Caller Yeah.

1:20:32 Adam You would have been better off being raised by raccoons and eating out of dumpsters. Your mom is a mess and a piece of work. Obviously, she brought home two idiots. Your biological dad's a drug addict and physically abusive and a real piece of work, and stepdad is lower than low. You have all these idiots around you and you don't realize what you have. Unfortunately, they've damaged your self-esteem and other things. All things you can get past. The reason you can get by this, and some people can, is because you're intelligent. You have a spark. You have some IQ to you, and you're going to do it. It's going to slow you down. It's going to be some painful times. It's going to be a little more difficult. You'll be a little slower getting out of the blocks, as they say. But you're going to have a good life. And the important thing now is not to screw up. Not to get hooked up with the kind of guys that your mom has gotten hooked up with.

1:21:22 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

1:21:22 Adam And not to freak out and go lesbian, either. You know what I mean? Yeah, you got a little, you need a little therapy, and you got to read a book, and you got to do a little soul searching, and you have to have some good friends. You need to talk to a few people. But it's all going to work out. There's been no wholesale abuse. Your life is not destroyed.

1:21:42 Guest Okay. But see, like, another thing is, is like also my mom just got re-married again to a guy that's 21. She's 35. And so it's kind of uncomfortable for me because I've been living with just my mom and me and my brother for like six months.

1:21:59 Drew How are your grades?

1:22:00 Guest My grades, they're not too good right now.

1:22:02 Drew All right. Can you get them up and get into college and get the hell out of there?

1:22:05 Guest Yeah, hopefully.

1:22:06 Drew You got to do that. That's your job right now. That's it.

1:22:10 Guest Okay.

1:22:11 Adam Hey, Jessica.

1:22:12 Guest What?

1:22:12 Adam I'm sorry your home life sucks. Many people's home life does suck. The good news is, is you're 15. You should have your friends, your schools, your activities, stay out of the house as much as possible. Not getting loaded and hanging around with idiots, but doing stuff, school stuff. You got to get involved with a bunch of stuff. You just, you don't go home. You go home, you go to bed, you get up and you leave the house again. Yeah. Listen, you can do it. I mean, I've said it many a time, that's all I did. I got up in the morning, I left the house, I went to school, and then after school I went to football practice, and after football practice I went to my friend's house, I ate dinner, and then I went home, whacked off, went to bed, and got up the next morning and went out again. I didn't even talk to my dad or mom for like the last four years of my life before I moved out of the house. It's no big deal. If they're not, you know, if they're not blatantly coming in your room and molesting you or beating on you or whatever, just sign them off and move on. You got to do it. It's the only way you'll survive. Mike?

1:23:13 Caller Yeah.

1:23:13 Adam You're 17.

1:23:14 Caller Yeah.

1:23:14 Adam What's up?

1:23:16 Caller When I enter the vagina, I urinate. I was wondering if that's a serious problem or not.

1:23:21 Drew I don't understand how you can do that. How do you do that?

1:23:25 Adam When you enter the vagina, you urinate?

1:23:27 Caller Yes. Huh.

1:23:29 Drew No, it doesn't.

1:23:29 Adam It seems like a bad habit. Yeah, we don't believe you.

1:23:34 Caller Why not?

1:23:37 Adam It's not that you didn't deliver it in a convincing fashion. It's just we've never had this question and it almost seems mathematically impossible.

1:23:46 Caller Well, it happens.

1:23:47 Adam Do you have to urinate before you enter the vagina?

1:23:52 Caller No.

1:23:53 Adam Wasn't that a Bruce Lee movie?

1:23:56 Drew You mean you just feel you have to urinate?

1:23:57 Adam Enter the vagina?

1:23:58 No?

1:24:01 Caller Yeah, I think it is.

1:24:02 Adam Yeah. Mike, what if you evacuate your bladder by urinating as much as possible before you enter the vagina? Okay. All righty.

1:24:13 Drew Oh, shocking.

1:24:15 Adam There you go. It sounds recocculous. It's hard to pee with an erection.

1:24:22 Drew It's very difficult. I would imagine during sex it would be almost impossible.

1:24:25 Adam What is that valve? Is it the prostate?

1:24:28 Drew No, no, no. There's a little flip there, the switch. But that's what happens during ejaculation. But all that area is very congested during erection. It makes it very difficult to urinate.

1:24:39 Adam I know. I have to yell at my penis every morning. Hey, it's time to pee. My penis is like, no, sorry. Listen, you're not having sex. You're not masturbating. You're peeing so that you and daddy can go to work. I call my penis son. Yeah.

1:24:57 Drew Not masturbating. What do you understand?

1:24:59 Adam Yeah. It doesn't understand that. It's like, what do you mean? I'm erect. Come on, let's go. No, I'm running late for work.

1:25:05 Drew What do you mean? You're erect. You're upright. You're awake. Your eyes are open. What do you mean, not masturbating?

1:25:10 Adam Yeah. No, no, no, no. Then it starts pulling me toward the VCR. Come on. No, no, no. Daddy doesn't have time to masturbate.

1:25:19 Drew Does it grab the VCR, like the lines out the back, and start chewing them and pulling them around?

1:25:23 Adam It grabs them around. Yeah. Like when a dog wants to go for a walk, and it runs over and grabs its leash, and starts shaking it around and stuff, it doesn't understand. It breaks my heart. I mean, the look on my penis' face when I say, listen, daddy has to go to work. It just looks at me and starts whimpering, and it's like, there's nothing I can do to console it. But I try to get it to go down because daddy has to urinate, because daddy's running late for work, and it will not cooperate. It wants to masturbate. So we have a standoff, and I say, don't make me take you to the tub. I'll pee right on the wall, so help me, Christ.

1:26:01 Drew Are you doing a lightning round?

1:26:05 Adam Uh-oh. All right. I am so mother f-ing tired. But I think I can power through it, though. Anderson's not feeling the lightning in me. Yeah, well, that's it. I'm going to show everyone how professional I am. I left the house at 8.30 this morning, and I still got a lightning round in me. That's because I love you and the kids and, uh, and Drew and God. So after this, big fat lightning round. All right. We'll be back. Let's check the time real fast. It's 1147 and 10 seconds. That's 12 minutes and 50 seconds away from the top of the hour. Straight up, midnight, the witching hour. I'm Ace Rockolla, my partner, Dr. Drew. You're smacked to the middle. Let's jump on the phone, stalk some of the cars. Megan's 18 years old. And it hurts when you push the button. You're smacked to the middle. And it hurts when you push on it. You think it may be cancer, Drew, what do you think about it?

1:27:46 Drew I think it's probably, there's just a little infected cysts you can get back there. They're very common, not cancer.

1:27:50 Adam All right, Megsters. Okay, thank you. You're not dying yet, all right, sweetie?

1:27:53 Thanks.

1:27:54 Adam All right, keep that virginity. Asia.

1:27:57 Yes.

1:27:57 Adam Asia, 19 years old?

1:27:59 Yes.

1:27:59 Adam You had anal sex for the first time last night?

1:28:02 Yes.

1:28:03 Adam Welcome to the club, partner.

1:28:05 Drew Last night was your first time, Adam? Ace, I mean?

1:28:07 Adam That's right. Ace Rockolla, let me check time real fast. It's 1148, straight up. That's 12 minutes away from the top of the hour. Midnight, the witching hour. You're listening to Loveline. You should make the M-line around Asia.

1:28:21 Caller Yep.

1:28:22 Adam How's that rectum doing?

1:28:25 Caller I don't remember exactly what happened. I had a little to drink last night.

1:28:29 Adam Ouch.

1:28:30 Caller And I went upstairs and I had anal sex with this guy that I've been having sex with for a while. And today, I went to the bathroom and it hurt and I'm bleeding and I'm embarrassed. I don't know what to do about it.

1:28:46 Drew You just got to get to a doctor and let him look at you.

1:28:49 Adam What's he looking for down there?

1:28:51 Drew Tears, infections, carbuncles, hemorrhoids. He needs to get looked at.

1:28:57 Adam That's a good friend, David. Asia?

1:28:59 Caller Yep.

1:29:00 Adam Sorry, I'm going to play with fire once I get burned.

1:29:02 Caller All right, there, Asia.

1:29:03 Adam You go to the doctor and have him take a look at the Coolie, okay?

1:29:06 Caller Thank you.

1:29:07 Adam All right, let's check time real fast. It's 11.49 and 2 seconds. That's 10 seconds, 58 minutes. 58 seconds. Goddamn time for this. Let's get back on the phone and speak to Sarah. Sarah's on line 5, 16 years old, made out with a boy, as she likes, but it was just a one-night thing. What's up there, Sarah?

1:29:30 Caller Hi.

1:29:31 Adam Hey, what's going on? They have the middle line around Ace Rockolla. What's going on there, Sarah?

1:29:37 Caller Oh, well, I like this guy for a year, and then this year, I ended up not liking him, and then, I don't know, we just kind of flirted, and then we kind of went bowling. It was fun.

1:29:47 Drew Bowling.

1:29:48 Adam Bowling.

1:29:48 Caller And we ended up making out the bowling alley. And then...

1:29:51 Adam Put your finger in his ball, did you?

1:29:54 Caller No, no.

1:29:55 Caller And then...

1:29:58 Adam Sarah, let me... Sarah?

1:30:00 Caller Yeah?

1:30:00 Adam I gotta check the time. It's 1149 and 50 seconds. That's 10 minutes and 10 seconds away.

1:30:06 Caller The top of the outer is right up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up.

1:30:10 Caller Okay. And then... We drove around and then we talked and then he's like, well, I don't want to really do anything with you, but if we do anything, it's just for tonight. And so I didn't do anything with him, but why would someone do that? I mean...

1:30:30 Adam Sounds like you rolled a gutter ball there, Sarah. I'm sorry to hear that. Drew, what do you think about...

1:30:35 Drew I don't guess.

1:30:36 Adam Well, they went out. He doesn't lie. He doesn't lie.

1:30:38 Drew What's the question?

1:30:39 Adam Well, the point is, he's not interested. You gotta move on to someone who is interested. Why bang your head up against the wall? Am I right?

1:30:46 Drew Yeah, he's made it very clear.

1:30:48 Adam Drew, sorry, I gotta catch you off. I gotta check that. It's 1150 and 40 seconds. That is nine minutes and 20 seconds away from the top of the aisle. The witchy hour is 12 midnight straight up.

1:30:57 Caller Here's Mike Dan in the middle of the aisle.

1:31:01 Adam Let's hop back on the phone. Lauren?

1:31:03 Caller Yes?

1:31:03 Adam You're 19 years old.

1:31:04 Caller Yes, I am.

1:31:05 Adam You wanna know what happened in the sex drive?

1:31:07 Caller Well, let me get to the point. I had my son 11 weeks ago, and I got the Depravera shot three weeks ago, and I don't feel like doing it. Do you think it's because of the shot?

1:31:20 Drew Well, it's hard to know because just having had a baby can drop your sex drive off quite a bit, but the shots are also known to do this. They may be both.

1:31:29 Adam That's right. You shouldn't do any humby humby for a while anyway. You're mommy mommy now. You know what I'm saying, Lauren?

1:31:34 Drew You're mommy mommy.

1:31:36 Adam Lauren, that's my sister's name, so I appreciate it if you wouldn't have to anymore sex. Okay? Thank you very much.

1:31:42 Caller Twinkie-hole, baby.

1:31:45 Adam Let's hop on the phones, Drew.

1:31:47 Drew What were we doing?

1:31:48 Adam I'll tell you what. Shut up.

1:31:50 Caller Hello, Michael?

1:31:53 Yeah.

1:31:53 Adam Michael, 16 years old. You got a question for the good doctor, Ace Rockolla.

1:31:57 Caller What's up?

1:31:59 I was wondering if anabolic compounds could cause girl boobs or make you lose your sex drive or anything.

1:32:04 Adam What do you think, Doc?

1:32:05 Drew You mean like serious anabolic steroids?

1:32:08 Caller No, it's rap.

1:32:09 Drew Or do you mean like androstenediol and stuff you can get over the counter?

1:32:12 Like tribulus terrestis, androtestadion, stuff like that.

1:32:17 Drew Androstenediol. Well, they can cause, the excess testosterone will be converted into estrogen and-

1:32:23 Adam Drew, I'm sorry. I got to cut you off. I got to check the time real fast here.

1:32:26 Drew And if you come off of them, they can decrease your sex drive.

1:32:29 Adam It's 1152 and 15 seconds. That is seven minutes and 45 seconds away from the dot of the hour straight up. I'm Ace Rockolla.

1:32:36 Caller That's my good old buddy over there, Dr. Drew.

1:32:38 Adam Smackdown in the middle.

1:32:39 Caller Let the light around.

1:32:40 Adam Let's hop back on the phones and speak to the cause of the matter. 14 years old.

1:32:45 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:32:46 Caller I got drunk at a party and I had sex with a girl with a yeast infection.

1:32:50 Drew Yikes.

1:32:50 Caller I'm just wondering what can happen to me.

1:32:53 Drew Nothing. What do you mean she has a yeast infection?

1:32:55 Caller She just said that she had a yeast infection.

1:32:57 Adam Was that before, during, or after, young Ben?

1:32:59 Drew Nothing to you.

1:33:01 Caller That's nothing to me.

1:33:01 Drew Nothing to you.

1:33:02 Adam No. No matter.

1:33:03 Caller Okay. Thank you.

1:33:05 Adam The penis is impervious. Always remember that.

1:33:07 Drew You can get a little skin infection sometimes. You can harbor the yeast sometimes in your urethra, but it's no big deal.

1:33:13 Adam Oh, yeah. Let me tell you something about Uncle Ace. He had a little yeasty on the peckeroo. Oh, yes. He's not ashamed.

1:33:20 Drew I beg your pardon?

1:33:21 Caller He had a little yeasty on the peckeroo.

1:33:25 Adam Oh, it's 1153 and 15 seconds. Drew?

1:33:30 Caller Yeah?

1:33:30 Adam That is six minutes and 45 seconds away from the top of the hour straight up. Let's hop back on the phones.

1:33:34 Caller Steve? Yes?

1:33:35 Adam You're 16. What's going on there, brother?

1:33:37 Caller I'd just like to say to all the callers and all the bogus calls, you're all douche nozzles.

1:33:42 Adam Douche nozzles. Thank you very much, Steve. Thanks for bringing that back. Producer Anne hasn't been around since I brought back the fabulous douche nozzle phrase. I'm over in the sweeps of America. Thank you there, Steve-O. We're going to let you go and send you out of Bummer's Digger, right?

1:33:55 Caller Okay.

1:33:56 Caller All right, but can I get to my question? All right, I've been going out with this girl for about three months, and she keeps on calling me, and I broke up with her. So what do I say to her to get her to stop calling?

1:34:07 Drew You have to just end all contact. You've got to find a way to cease contact, not answer her phone calls, not even let her hear your voice.

1:34:15 Adam Yeah, you've got to cut it clean. You've got to break a clean partner.

1:34:18 Drew Let me tell you a little something.

1:34:19 Adam I'll draw a little analogy. You've got a cat coming around the back door. You put a little kibble out there. That cat's going to keep on around. But you dry it up, and that cat goes to the neighbor's yard. Am I right, Drowski?

1:34:27 Drew You're right.

1:34:27 Adam Let me check time. It's 1154 in 15 seconds. That's five minutes and 45 seconds. The way to the top of the hour. That'll about conclude the lightning round. We're going to take ourselves a little break. But don't worry. Ace Rockolla is a good old trusty sidekick. Doug Drew will be back right after these words.

1:34:41 Caller Let's have some more fun.

1:34:43 Okay, let's do it. Call Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:34:49 Loveline will be right back.

1:35:25 Adam We'll take ourselves a nice extended break, about 22 hours worth, and we'll be back with more of the fabulous show tomorrow night. So, until next time. Oh. Shush up there, Drew. This is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahala, tri-anal rape. Well, now.

1:35:44 The stuff expressed on Loveline is not necessarily the stuff of the staff, management, sponsors, or anyone else. Including Westwood One Entertainment, Loveline is produced by Ann Wilkins Engold. Now, please enjoy these birds.

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Tuesday, April 4, 2000