Episode 1000754887671

0:01 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion advised. Now, here's Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191 with Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla.

0:14 Voiceover What are you insane?

0:30 Adam This is a spectacular-looking woman, and I don't want to embarrass you, but you know how certain people have certain types, and Drew's got his type? Drew likes blondes. That's his thing. And he actually is wife's blonde, so he has to like blondes or she'll kick his ass up and down Pasadena. But you like blondes, right, Drew? Yeah. And you know how everybody, I mean, everyone can agree when someone's attractive. I mean, like blondes aren't my first choice. Drew has an attractive wife. She happens to be blonde, and I can see that she's attractive. But then you have kind of your physical wheelhouse. You know what I'm saying? That's what Sydney is. It's got that...

1:12 Guest The physical wheelhouse.

1:13 The physical wheelhouse, all right.

1:14 Guest You got to go a little farther with that one.

1:15 Adam No, I mean, there's guys who... There's no guy that has blood in his veins that doesn't find you attractive. But there's some guys that might be into Pamela Lee.

1:28 Guest Right.

1:28 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:29 Guest Would not be the same type. That's definitely...

1:31 Adam Right. Drew and I have this... I don't know if you want to call it a problem, but it's a situation where Drew's sort of... He's got the glasses and the straight teeth and he's good-looking and stuff. And then there's my type, yeah. Brillo head, neck rash, stuff like that.

1:47 Guest Lucky to have teeth.

1:48 Adam Right, right. So, you know, the two distinctive types. But anyway, Sydney, this is... That's my thing. What you got going?

1:56 Guest I'm incredibly flattered.

1:57 Adam Yeah. What are you? Got some Indian in you or something?

2:01 Guest I'm a total American mutt.

2:04 Adam Really?

2:04 Guest Yeah. That's all I can describe it as. Well, as far as I can tell, it would be French, Scott Irish, English, Hungarian, and Cherokee.

2:15 Adam Oh, see? I got that Cherokee.

2:17 Guest Yeah, you did.

2:18 Adam That's what gives her her tenacity and her alcoholism, by the way. But at least you got the tenacity going. Hyperion Bay is doing pretty good, right? I mean, I hear all about it all the time. A couple of...

2:33 Guest So you're the one. Okay, good.

2:34 Guest So now we know.

2:36 Guest No, it is doing. It's all right. We got our full season, you know? So we're doing well.

2:41 Adam I see billboards. I see commercials. And I hear people talking about it.

2:47 Guest And well, they should.

2:48 Adam Yeah, they should.

2:49 Guest Yeah, no, it's doing very well. And you know, the WB got... Well, I don't know if you can say they got lucky this year. They've been doing really well the last couple of years, particularly with their dramas. So...

2:59 Adam Oh, yes.

2:59 Guest The three new shows, Hyperion Bay, Felicity, and Charmed. Full season order is doing well.

3:05 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Felicity's going through the roof. It's weird with WB because they're having so much success in the one-hour drama department. And I think they're getting their ass kicked in the comedy, right?

3:19 Guest Yeah.

3:20 Adam Is that what's going on?

3:21 Guest I think they're wanting to concentrate on the comedies a little bit. They got that drama thing down.

3:26 Adam No kidding.

3:26 Guest And now they want to spread the wealth a little.

3:27 Adam Why don't they just start feeding some jokes into you guys and see if they can't...

3:32 Guest Yeah. We'll suddenly become a sitcom for next year.

3:34 Adam That'd be great. Just work the laugh track into it.

3:36 Guest That always works.

3:37 Adam I'm pregnant. And then, Drew, hey, hey, hey, hey. And just hear Mike, you got a laugh track there?

3:47 Guest You never know, you know. It's a high concept kind of thing.

3:51 Adam I was date raped last night.

3:56 Guest I think you lost half the audience.

3:57 There's nothing funny about that.

3:59 Guest There you go.

4:01 Guest It's all about timing and comedy, yeah.

4:04 Adam There's always one drunk guy that likes date rape. All right, Drew? Yeah. Did your mic stand get taller or did you get shorter? What happened there?

4:13 Drew The mic put this one in last night. It's taller.

4:15 Adam Fantastic.

4:16 Drew I'm realizing, I'm not sure that it's that I'm sick of doing Loveline.

4:19 Adam It's that you're sick of yourself?

4:21 Drew No.

4:21 Adam Sick of the producers? Don't break Anne's heart.

4:25 Drew No.

4:25 Adam Engineer Mike?

4:27 Guest Keep going.

4:28 Adam Hmm. Yeah. I've seen Dylan twice now in about a three week period.

4:33 That's it.

4:34 Adam All right. Drew, we're going to spend all day together tomorrow. If it's any consolation.

4:38 Drew Oh, humanity.

4:42 Adam That's tragedy, Mike. All right. Jeff is 26. What's going on there, Jeff?

4:48 Hey, how's it going? Good. Here's the deal. I had sex when I was 17 and haven't had sex since, and I'm wondering if that's normal.

4:59 Adam It's only been nine years, right?

5:02 Yeah, nine years. Good math.

5:03 Adam Well, come on. I mean, you just hit a little dry decade.

5:08 Drew What do you think is going on?

5:10 What do I think is going on?

5:11 Drew Yeah.

5:12 Oh, I think, you know, I'm an activator and everything, and, you know, I get the action. I just don't get the intercourse, you know.

5:18 Adam What kind of action are you getting?

5:20 Well, you know, hand job, low job, you know, whatever.

5:24 Adam Really?

5:24 That kind of stuff. But I don't know, it seems like there's something, like I can't deal with the affection or something like that. I don't know.

5:33 Drew The closeness.

5:34 I don't know what it is.

5:36 Adam Wait a minute, if you're going out with somebody on a few dates and you're getting oral sex, why can't you have intercourse with them?

5:45 That's a good question.

5:47 Adam Is it because they don't want to?

5:49 Drew No, he's just told us. He said he can't tell her the intimacy.

5:52 Guest I know, but that's pretty intimate though.

5:54 Drew Yeah, but not for a guy though. Some guys can dissociate from that experience a little bit. And if he doesn't sustain the relationship, intercourse is a more intimate experience. It really is.

6:04 Actually, I mean, I was engaged to be married with this girl for a year and two months and we never had sex. I told her that we were waiting until after we got married.

6:18 Drew So this already is something you feel very strongly about?

6:20 Yeah.

6:21 Adam Is it a religious issue?

6:23 Well, at first it was just kind of, you know, couldn't, you know, the whole thing like, you know, glasses, being fat, that stuff, that kind of stuff, not being able to, you know, really be, have anybody attracted to me. But then after I lost weight, got rid of my glasses, a little more attractive now, it's kind of like, well, you know, maybe it's not that important until I get married.

6:49 Adam Hold on a second.

6:50 Yeah.

6:50 Adam Didn't I ask like 15 minutes ago whether it was a religious issue?

6:54 Drew Yeah.

6:54 Adam And what was Jeff's answer?

6:56 Drew Partially.

6:56 Adam Something about losing weight?

6:58 Yeah.

6:59 But, no, it's not a religious issue.

7:01 Adam Okay.

7:02 Drew But was the weight and all a way of keeping people away from you in the first place?

7:08 Was it a way of keeping people away from me? No, I don't think so.

7:11 Drew Jeff, no need to repeat the questions we give you.

7:15 Adam Well, you know you're in trouble with Jeff.

7:16 I have to make sure that I'm hearing you.

7:17 Adam Hold on there, Jeff. Jeff's from the engaged to be married school, which is, believe me, when someone says, like, Sydney, if you say to me, no, I'm engaged, I assume it's because you're planning on getting married.

7:32 Guest Yeah, that usually follows.

7:34 Adam It sort of almost implies that you're thinking about marriage.

7:37 Guest That's sort of the caboose that follows the rest of the train.

7:40 Adam Right. So, ooh.

7:41 Guest I like that. That was good.

7:42 Adam Yeah.

7:43 Guest That was very good.

7:44 Guest Just came out of the ether.

7:45 Guest Wow.

7:46 Adam So anyway, Jeff likes to drag things out just a little bit. We'll see if we can hurry this one up. Jeff?

7:53 Guest Yeah.

7:53 Adam It's not religion. You've lost your weight. You've shed the glasses. You're attracted to women. You're having dates. You're being intimate with them to some degree. But you don't want to have sex with them.

8:08 Yes.

8:09 Adam Okay. So when you're with the girl and you're getting oral sex, you could have intercourse with her, but you choose not to.

8:16 Yes.

8:17 Adam And you want to know why you choose not to. Right?

8:20 Well, why did you have to put it that way?

8:23 Adam Well, that's what your question is.

8:24 Drew That's what's happening, right?

8:25 Yeah.

8:26 Adam Well, I understand when a guy calls in and says, I haven't been laid in nine years, we assume it's because he can't, not because he didn't want to.

8:34 Right. This is more of a decision to wait.

8:38 Adam Right, okay.

8:40 But my point was that it didn't start out as a decision to wait.

8:44 Adam All right, do you like your mom? What's that? Do you like your mom?

8:48 Actually, yeah, I am.

8:51 Drew No, no, he said he's like her.

8:52 Adam Oh, he's like her. Do you, are you fond of her?

8:56 Oh, I thought you asked.

8:59 Adam Right, are you fond?

8:59 I might like my mom's support.

9:00 Adam Are you fond of her?

9:03 Yes.

9:04 Adam You are?

9:05 Yes, well, I mean like hang out with her, talk with her.

9:10 Drew What's up with your dad?

9:10 Relationship with her.

9:11 Drew That's where the problem is. What's up, how about with dad?

9:14 Excuse me?

9:15 Drew How about with dad?

9:16 Guest Oh, alcoholic, deformed, six years, went out, six years old.

9:22 Drew So he knocked you around a little bit too, huh?

9:24 No, no, no, no, no, no. No way. I mean, I'd go and visit him on weekends and we'd go hunting and fishing and stuff like that, but he drank a lot and you know, that was, that was, you know, his thing. But I don't drink. I drank and about four or five years ago, I stopped drinking and won't drink ever again.

9:43 Adam All right, Jeff, it's going to be difficult to get to the bottom of whatever's going on.

9:48 Drew Well, he just insulated from relationships. His vulnerability is not something he can tolerate. I have a suspicion that that was more abusive than Shepard that either recalls or is willing to admit to. And mom was sort of not there and he just doesn't have any decent models for intimacy and he's afraid of it. So he keeps insulated from it and it used to be his weight. Now he makes a conscious choice not to get involved with it.

10:09 Adam I could go nine years with just a BJ, though. I think I could. Is that one blowjob for nine years? I misunderstood that.

10:18 Guest You need weekly, daily.

10:20 Adam Oh, I love the oral sex. Oh, Drew, I don't have to tell you, Drew, boys. About your preference. Drew spends more time under the console than above it. All right. All right, so do we? All right, that's enough.

10:33 Guest See, it's all about timing again.

10:35 Drew He needs to be vulnerable. He needs to take himself into these relationships and the...

10:38 Adam All right, get a little therapy. Watch the Hyperion Bay. There's a lot of vulnerable guys on this show. There's certainly guys willing to have sex. That's for sure, right?

10:47 Guest Sure.

10:47 Adam Yeah, that's important.

10:49 Drew Even Dylan's tired of you tonight. Erica, what's going on?

10:53 Adam What happened to the old Dylan?

10:55 Guest Our history, where's it gone?

10:57 Drew It was in front of a television camera.

10:59 Adam He had to pretend to be nice. He had to pretend he liked me.

11:02 Guest Bastard.

11:03 Adam Erica.

11:04 Okay, I'm engaged, and my fiance was addicted to methamphetamines for like seven years.

11:12 Drew How old is he?

11:13 He's 27.

11:15 Adam Erica's 18. You want to start the gambling? Let's do some gambling. Right now. Hold on a second there, Erica. Okay. All right. Dylan, Sydney. You guys, oh, show Dylan, Sydney, the kids. You guys have any, you guys have money?

11:30 Guest Yeah, I got money right here.

11:31 Adam You got a dollar?

11:31 Guest Oh, yeah, I got it. Give me the ground rules. What are we doing here?

11:34 Adam We are gambling on Erica's past, and here's how this works. She's 18. She's married a guy or engaged to a guy who's 27. He was hooked on math, and there's something in her past that led her to fall in love with a guy who was into speed in 10 years, just about 10 years, her senior. And the question is, what? Alcoholism in the past, abuse, what do you think? Drew, why don't you get the ball rolling?

12:08 Drew I need to talk for just another 30 seconds.

12:10 Adam All right, let's get a few more words out of her. Erica?

12:12 Yeah?

12:13 Adam Now, don't give anything away.

12:14 Drew What's happening now? What made you call?

12:17 Because he relapsed, and I wanted to know what I could, well, first I wanted to know the effects of methamphetamine long-term, and second I wanted to know what I could do to help him.

12:27 Adam All right, how long have you been with him?

12:29 A year.

12:30 Drew How did he get sober the first time?

12:31 Pardon?

12:32 Drew How did he get sober the first time?

12:34 He just realized after being awake for an entire week that that wasn't the way he wanted his life to be.

12:40 Drew So he just stopped spontaneously?

12:42 He stopped and he started going to meetings and he realized that he could have an actual life. So it was up to him. It was completely him.

12:52 Drew All right, I got something here.

12:53 Adam You got something?

12:54 Guest I got an idea.

12:55 Adam Oh, you do? Go ahead. Well, hold on a second. We didn't get the little girl voice out of her, and I didn't even really get the crazy voice out of her.

13:02 Guest You're looking for NPD right away? What? The little girl voice.

13:07 Adam We normally can just, the sound of someone's voice will tip us off as to where they are.

13:13 Drew Where they're stuck in their development.

13:14 Adam But Sydney, you go first.

13:16 Guest Well, naturally, you guys have heard a lot more of this than I have. But from a female point of view, if I put my mind into her space, I would guess that maybe it's a kind of a savior thing or a need to mother to save someone.

13:31 Adam Okay, and where does that...

13:32 Guest To achieve something for him.

13:32 Adam What's the origin of that, though? I mean...

13:35 Guest Well, I don't know if it's something that she hasn't achieved in her life or perhaps a parent who had a similar situation who didn't deal with their problem.

13:45 Drew Be a little more specific with that.

13:47 Guest I would imagine it was probably...

13:48 Drew Paint a picture of that.

13:49 Guest Probably she had a parent who was unable to deal with drug or alcohol addiction, and if she can save him from these problems, then maybe the effects will not.

14:01 Drew So her parents stayed together and one of them was an addict or alcoholic throughout her life.

14:05 Adam And the other one kept trying to save the other one.

14:07 Guest So if she can save him, maybe it atones for something.

14:09 Adam Very solid.

14:10 Guest I mean, that's really solid. Yeah. That's pretty good.

14:13 Drew Keep going.

14:14 Adam What do you mean keep going?

14:14 Guest Keep going.

14:15 Drew Well, no, who next?

14:16 Guest Dylan. God. I mean, that's all very good. What would cause her to be in this kind of relationship, her background? Well, hey, how old is she again? 18. 18. Well, you know, this could just be a lack of, I don't want to say maturity, but experience. And if this is her first real true love, and it's perhaps so much harder to give up on that and maybe try and struggle through it.

14:38 Adam And you can go through it, by the way, you can go with no problems in the family. It's the dark horse, but you can go with it. And sometimes we won't get them to admit to a problem they had and therefore you're winner by default.

14:52 Right, right.

14:53 Guest Okay, well, let's say, let's say, you know, broken home and this is first love and, you know, separating is just too much pain.

15:00 Adam What's the broken home?

15:02 Guest Nothing, oh, God.

15:04 Adam Parents divorced?

15:04 Guest Yeah, I mean, that's what I'm saying. For her, she would have been, let's go with 11.

15:10 Adam Okay, anything around 11, we'll give you. 11, 11 and a quarter, 10 and seven eights, anything around there. All right, Doc, what do you got?

15:18 Drew You're not gonna go?

15:19 Adam I'm gonna go last.

15:21 Drew I'll go last. Cause I'm gonna try to get some real detail.

15:24 Adam All right, I'm down with Sydney on this one. There's gotta be some drug abuse in the family, someone they couldn't save. I'll go specific, I'll go alcohol. And I know that's a stretch. And it's, and I'll go dad and, but I'll say dad went. She didn't see mom trying to save dad, it was a whole relationship. Dad either died or left by seven.

15:52 Drew Okay. Okay. I agree with you and I'll go like under five, under five. And then some step dads have done their job on her, not overtly, but have sort of weaved their magic.

16:04 Adam Okay.

16:04 Drew As you know, they can.

16:06 Adam Erica.

16:07 Okay, Sydney is totally right. But Adam was even more right and Dr. Drew was the most right.

16:15 Adam Oh, that bastard.

16:16 That was right.

16:18 Adam I'm so tired of him being right.

16:20 I'm sorry.

16:22 Adam So really what you're saying is Dylan was wrong.

16:23 Guest I was wrong. I get absolutely bupkis in this bed here.

16:27 Adam Well, what happened with your parents?

16:30 My father is actually my stepfather, but my birth father, my mother left when I was three. So I never really got to know him.

16:39 Adam Yeah. Was there a-

16:40 My stepfather is a serious alcoholic.

16:43 Drew Your biological father was an alcoholic too? No.

16:46 Adam Your mom? Yes. He is because-

16:49 Guest Why did your mom pick him?

16:50 Drew Because your mom picked him.

16:51 No, my mom picked him because he was able to take her away from her family and she didn't want to be with him.

16:56 Drew Find out about- I would be willing to place another bet on the fact that your biological father was an alcoholic and put- maybe he wasn't at the time, but he sure is now.

17:06 He can't be.

17:07 Drew Why?

17:08 Because he has severe back problems and he has to take lots of medication and-

17:13 Drew That is an alcoholic. Erica, that is an alcoholic. They get strung up on opiates.

17:18 Adam No, no, no, no. Listen, Drew, hold on. Erica, not an alcoholic in the sense that he ingests alcohol, but that he has the addictive gene and he's hooked on Vicodin or whatever it is.

17:30 Right, I understand.

17:31 Drew He's on Vicodin now, right?

17:32 Adam Right, and he's strung out on it.

17:34 But I never met him, so I honestly couldn't tell you.

17:36 Adam Okay, then why are you arguing with us?

17:38 Drew He's an addict.

17:38 Because everyone argues with you.

17:41 Adam But you're sitting there arguing that he's not an alcoholic, he's strung out on Vicodin and you've never met him.

17:47 Drew Anyway.

17:48 Adam Now, what did-

17:48 I have to play the devil's advocate here.

17:50 Adam Okay, what did the stepfather do?

17:53 He's an alcoholic to the point that he wakes up in the morning at five in the morning and he has a beer and he drinks at work, and water to me is like beer to him.

18:05 Drew All right, Erica, so you've been sort of a-

18:08 Adam And did he ever do anything to you?

18:11 No, but when it was really bad between my mom and him, one time when I was about four, he picked her up by her neck and was like holding her off the ground, and they used to yell a lot, and I would tell them to stop and I would cry. And then my brother was born and this is where the mothering part comes in. I didn't want him to go through what I went through.

18:34 Drew You had to rescue him, rescue him too.

18:36 So I had no idea anything was going on because I raised him and I kept him away from them.

18:43 Adam Alright, so Sydney, I mean, sorry Sydney, I was just thinking of Sydney. Erica, here's the deal. Your mom marries one alcoholic, gets rid of him. Then marries another alcoholic, stays with him. Then you turn 18, you hook up with an alcoholic, and now we've mapped out your future too. You get divorced from him in four years, and then you marry an alcoholic, and don't worry, he'll abuse your kids.

19:05 Guest Well, let her know what career she's going to have too. I mean, help her save some time.

19:11 Drew Methamphetamine causes profound disruption of relationships. It will always cause a severe paranoia. It is the drug of violence. It's thought perhaps to cause some brain damage, though I'm not totally convinced that it causes any significant damage. It is a severe addiction. Without treatment, this will be a chronic, progressive problem for him. What you can do to help him is two things. One is you can have nothing to do with his illness. You must create consequences if he continues to use and doesn't get into recovery and stay there, which probably in this case means ending the relationship.

19:44 Adam Always 27. You're 18. Don't get married. Don't get pregnant.

19:48 Drew Secondly, you need to go to Al-Anon or an ACA in the worst way.

19:51 Adam All right. I'm giving Sydney her dollar back for really getting the whole thing going.

19:55 Drew Especially as a newcomer.

19:56 Adam As an actress.

19:57 Guest And he's going to make me pay an extra 10.

20:00 Adam I'm giving Drew everyone else's money. Good choke on it. I hope you buy something bad.

20:05 Guest I have a question. Is this something that happens? Her mother married an alcoholic and then her stepfather was also another alcoholic. I mean, is that something you're attracted to? Yes. Is it a personality type?

20:19 Drew No, it's a... Alcoholics are a certain biological state. It's not even a personality type. But codependents smell it. They may not be, they may be absolutely adamantly opposed to ingesting substances. But they just sense that it's that person. And they're going to try to connect with that and make things okay again from what happened in their childhood.

20:40 Guest So is there ever actually any way to help someone without just...

20:43 Drew Codependency treatment.

20:44 Guest Only enabling them?

20:45 Drew No. Oh, no. The person that gets involved with the alcoholic is an enabler. And the only thing they can do is go to Al-Anon. And that often forces the alcoholic to get better.

20:53 All right.

20:54 Adam I gotta go have a drink now.

20:55 Drew Wait.

20:56 Adam I gotta take the edge off.

20:58 Drew I'm going to an Al-Anon meeting.

20:59 Great.

21:00 Adam Who are we gonna talk to when we come back, Drew? I should point to the screen, like the Chimpiar.

21:04 Guest Ooh.

21:05 Drew That's sort of Shauna.

21:07 Adam Shauna's husband. Well, I'm just gonna read the screen. Shauna's hubby beats off to computer porn. Does this mean he doesn't want her? That's very interesting. All right. We'll figure it out when we come back.

21:28 Love Line will be right back.

21:31 W-E-B-N.

21:40 Guest It's not hard to swallow.

21:43 We've got a frog in our throat.

21:44 Lick it up.

21:45 Guest It's Love Line.

21:47 W-E-B-N.

21:58 Guest Hey, this is Tyra Banks, and you're listening to Love Line with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

22:03 Adam Yes, you is. Phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. I turned that down, Mike. I can't, I'm trying to give the phone number out, and in the song, they're going, one, two, three, four. We're gonna have a seizure.

22:19 Drew Yeah, you keep looking to me for like, sympathy tonight, and I just don't have it for you.

22:22 Adam Dylan Neal and Sydney Penny are both here.

22:25 Drew Some sort of acknowledgement, I just thank God.

22:26 Adam Mike shut Drew's mic off.

22:28 Guest His head's like an inch off the table, he's not even here.

22:33 Guest You know, I wanted to know, are you ever mistaken for Dr. Dre?

22:39 Adam His penises. Oh, yes, he's hung this Drew. I don't talk to him, his mic's off.

22:44 Drew I can't talk.

22:45 Adam I'm gonna let him cool down for a minute. A little time out. Hyperion Bay's the name.

22:48 Drew Wives go out there that black males have larger penises.

22:52 Adam Wow, I haven't even heard of that. Hyperion Bay's the name of the show, WB, 9 o'clock, Monday Nights. And we will go back to the phones and speak to Shana, Shana's 24-year-old husband, has himself to the computer porn. How often does he do this?

23:13 Caller Like not every day, but like every once in a while, like every other day or something. When I'm usually like when I go to bed early and stuff.

23:22 Adam How do you know?

23:23 Guest He's up to the wee hours of the morning.

23:26 Adam How do you know how often he does it?

23:28 Caller Like, I don't know, like sometimes I'll act like I'm sleeping and just to see if he's doing it and he will be doing it. And I'm just, then I'll be like, are you done? And then he'll just like look over at me and he'll like be all surprised that I know.

23:41 Adam Is he communicating with somebody or is he just looking at pictures?

23:45 Caller Looking at pictures.

23:46 Adam And do you guys have a good sex life?

23:48 Caller Oh, yeah, he thinks I'm too aggressive. Like, I want sex when he does or something. I don't know. But then I don't understand why he has to beat off me.

24:02 Yeah.

24:03 Adam It's hard to explain that to a woman.

24:06 Caller That's what he said.

24:07 Guest I would like to know.

24:08 Guest This is Adam's territory. You can tell this is Adam's territory right now.

24:11 Adam You know, in case things work out for us, Sydney, there's a few things you need to know ahead of time. You need to know going in.

24:17 Caller Oh, spill it.

24:18 Caller Oh, sorry. Bad choice for us.

24:21 Adam I don't even mean going into the relationship. I mean going into the 11 o'clock hour because it's been a long day. And I haven't had a chance to go by the house. Guys start this when they're young, 14, 15, sometimes 13 years old.

24:37 When they're married?

24:39 Adam Well, they don't get married at 13, but they start masturbating. Would you? Hey, listen, be quiet there, Shanna. You're way too insecure. You're driving your husband crazy with this. Guys start masturbating at a very young age. And it's something that becomes very important to them. Like you women love shoes. We love whacking off. There should be, well, they do have stores for it. But you can't try it on. Well, you can't return it once you do. But here's the deal. You can't lend it to your friends. But it's something you own and it's something you do. And you do it for many years. And then you get married. And like anything else you've been doing for 10 years before you got married, you usually continue doing it. It's a way of life. It made it through a couple of presidents, a few wars. Or an invasion or two.

25:23 Guest Is it like a meditative thing? Is it something, it's just private time or?

25:27 Caller It's like their playtime or something.

25:30 Adam It is just, it's hard to explain, but it's a biological mandate. It really is. Like you guys like to foliate with the loofah. I don't know what the hell women do. Whatever, like whatever it is you women do and would do and continue to do into the marriage, it is like that. Now it is, it shouldn't be confused for sex and it's not a substitute for sex. Okay. But women think it is and that's where the trouble begins because they think well if the guy's masturbating then he's not interested in me or he's doing it in lieu of having sex or I'm not satisfying him but it's a separate issue.

26:10 Caller But I have another question.

26:11 Caller Hold on.

26:13 Adam Let's turn Drew's mic on on just a trial basis.

26:16 Guest He's trying.

26:19 Drew But it is much more literally of a self-controlled excretory function. I mean it's something that is a biological activity that needs to go on and the act of incorporating another person is a different part of the sexual functioning. And to some extent it's a guy being responsible and sort of maintaining his own biology.

26:43 Adam It's good prostate hygiene isn't it Drew?

26:44 Drew It is good prostate hygiene.

26:45 Adam That's why I have the prostate of a 14 year old.

26:48 Caller Well and everything is too...

26:49 Guest What? What?

26:50 Guest I was just going to say from a woman's point of view I can totally understand what she's talking about. I think if it was a picture of her would you have a problem with that?

26:58 Guest If it's just some totally weird woman.

27:01 Guest It's an ego thing. It's like why do you have to look at another woman when you do that?

27:05 Drew It's part of the biology. It's purely part of the biology.

27:09 Adam Yes I do but on the other hand he's looking at the computer, she's aware of it, it's affecting the relationship.

27:15 Drew Well it's sort of...

27:17 Adam It's a little aggressive.

27:18 Drew Yeah, it's intrusive and inconsiderate, it's bizarre. It's, you know, most guys...

27:23 Adam He's wacking off in the shower.

27:25 Drew He's a clicker too.

27:26 Adam Oh I came up with a great invention today when we were taping the TV show, waterproof porn. Mike you went in on this? I'm talking about laminated pornography, a jugs, hustler, whatever it is you could bring in the shower with you. Guys, you know the heartache of ruining a good $6.95 magazine by either condensation from the steam in the shower or you just get a little over zealous and knock it into the toilet. Slips out of one's hand, you're trying to you're trying to juggle the porn and the beer and your penis and the thing falls into the drink.

27:59 Drew What's up, Shauna?

28:00 Adam Laminated, waterproof pornography. This would be huge. It's really the next trend in pornography.

28:06 Guest Platform for 99.

28:07 Adam Yes.

28:08 Caller We need to show him my god for a minute.

28:10 Drew Thank you. God bless you, Shauna. What's up? Oh, she did it.

28:14 Caller Good you, good work.

28:17 Caller When we're like having sex, he like wants me to talk dirty to him, but I do, but it's not about me. It's about me and other girls. He wants me, like he told me he'd love me more if I had a girlfriend.

28:28 Drew Shauna, he's got some issues.

28:29 Caller And also, I have done that for him now.

28:32 Drew Oh, Shauna.

28:33 Caller Oh, please. But I didn't, I didn't.

28:35 Drew This guy is not even true. He's abusive. He's abusive. This is an abuse.

28:39 Adam That's a whole other issue.

28:40 Drew Why are you a victim? What happened to you?

28:45 Caller Nothing.

28:48 Oh, that's something.

28:49 Adam As long as it was nothing.

28:52 Caller I was most like by one of my cousins.

28:57 Drew You're still playing that victim role very nicely. That's why this guy can do this stuff in front of you and not even have a concern for how it makes you feel.

29:03 Adam Shauna, you have any kids?

29:04 Caller Yeah.

29:05 No.

29:07 Adam How old are they? How many?

29:08 Caller Two boys.

29:09 Adam No, two boys. I like the girls. At least they get into pornography. The guys become killers. That's what I hate.

29:16 Caller You would think of that.

29:17 Adam Listen, Shauna, how old are these boys?

29:20 Caller One's a year old and one's six.

29:23 Adam Okay, six. Shauna, listen, get some help, please. Please, don't screw up your kids.

29:29 Drew Well, it's not like she's that bad. He's the pain in the ass here.

29:34 Adam Yeah, but she chose him and now he's standing.

29:39 Caller And he told me that you guys would tell me to leave him.

29:42 Drew No, I'm not saying that because you have kids. We want you to work it out. But he needs to be less abusive and you need to be less tolerant of abuse. All right? There you go.

29:51 Adam There's always, it's always, the problem is always beneath the surface on this show. I mean, whatever it is they call in about, it's definitely something else. I don't believe anyone has called in to the show in the last 18 months who hasn't been molested. Has there been?

30:05 Drew Not in 18 months, no.

30:06 Adam No. Tina?

30:08 Caller Yes.

30:08 Adam You're 27.

30:09 Caller Yes.

30:10 What's going on?

30:12 Drew Tina?

30:13 Caller Yes.

30:13 Drew What's going on?

30:15 Caller Well, I just had a question. I've only been married for three months and we've been living together for a little over a year. And in the beginning of our relationship, we started out pretty quick. I mean, we started going out and then he left in March to go TDY to France for the Air Force.

30:34 Drew Excuse me, slow down.

30:34 Guest Do what?

30:35 Caller He went to France for three months.

30:38 Drew To do what?

30:39 Caller TDY. It's like a tour of duty for the Air Force.

30:43 Drew Thank you.

30:43 Caller Okay.

30:44 Adam We have the world's dumbest callers to this show. They really are. They will talk about a mom. We're at the John Post store on the corner of...

30:51 Guest And you don't know what it is.

30:52 Adam In Boise, Idaho. And they'll go...

30:55 Guest Where have you been at?

30:55 Drew Went down to Sam's.

30:57 Adam Yeah, I was down... I caught him down at Sam's. Who's Sam?

31:00 Sam's.

31:01 Guest You know what Sam? Sam!

31:02 Drew Corner 23 and TDY.

31:06 Oh.

31:08 Caller I'm sorry.

31:08 Adam All right. You can use the BFDs in the initials like that, but the TDYs, SOLs and that kind of thing.

31:17 Drew All right.

31:17 Adam So he went to...

31:19 Caller But he went off to France for three months. Before he left, we got engaged to be married. And we didn't, we set a wedding for next April. And when he was gone, I mean, I don't know what he did because all the guys out there, they're doing nothing but partying in France. When I was here, I went out with my friends and I hung out and I went to the bar a few times. And there was times that he called the house and I wasn't there. Well, then I found out last weekend that when he was in France, he got on the Internet and he hooked up with this girl in Nebraska and she was married and with three kids. Well, they emailed each other back and forth for like two, two and a half months. Well, he told me that he never did this when he was in France, but this weekend, I just found out.

32:07 Adam How did you find out?

32:08 Caller We got into a really big fight and it was kind of something that's been going on and on because when we were married for a week after we were married, we got into an argument on the phone because he was hanging out with this guy who's a complete ass and like he's on his girlfriend and...

32:24 Adam All right, all right, all right, Tina, well, just break up. I'm tired of both of you. I mean, first off, boys, this guy is sophisticated. He's in France. He's talking to someone in Nebraska. He's probably pissed off there's no Arby's.

32:36 Guest And it was just email?

32:37 Caller It was just email back and forth. He said all it was was that they were going, Oh, how's your day?

32:42 Caller And blah, blah, blah, blah.

32:43 Caller But they met in a chat room. Well, to me, if you meet somebody in a chat room and then you start emailing them, obviously there's like a lot of communication going on.

32:52 Drew Tina, I agree with you. I think that's a kind of an intimacy that would be very disturbing.

32:55 Caller It would be.

32:56 Adam You'd rather the guy just bang a French whore once rather than essentially have a relationship. I mean, that's what he's doing.

33:05 Drew But Adam, I'm gonna test your sensibilities here for a second. He lied when she confronted her.

33:10 Adam Confronted him.

33:11 Drew When she confronted him, excuse me.

33:12 Caller That's not the first time, though.

33:13 Drew I understand, but would you excuse that?

33:16 Caller Okay.

33:17 Adam Hold on, hold on. Would I? Would I lie, you mean?

33:20 Drew Is it all right that he lied?

33:21 Adam Yeah, of course. Because Tina's a ball buster. She comes after him all the time and I'm sure he lies about everything.

33:26 Drew You've defended Clinton on that basis, that it's okay if you lie because he had to, according to you, and that was the circumstance that required that.

33:33 Adam No, I defended Clinton for lying because he's in a situation where if he divulges a truth, it's going to have a national and global effect. You know what I mean?

33:45 Drew Well, it's going to have, for these two people, his truth will have a substantial effect on this relationship, right?

33:51 Adam Listen Jack Hole, don't compare Clinton's situation to this. It's not analogous and I'll tell you why because I never said Clinton shouldn't have lied to his wife. I said when reporters asked Clinton whether he did it or not, he has to lie, just like he has to lie about not knowing he got a draft notice, he has to lie about smoking marijuana, he has to lie about everything. All politicians have to lie. Listen, Clinton has to lie about being religious. This asshole's in church every week praying to God. Please, please. Come on, he's hitting up interns and going to church the next day? Ridiculous. He's lying because we won't have a guy in office who says, you know, I follow religion loosely, like I follow the bills, you know? I mean, I might go once or twice a year like the rest of us. No, how come every president has to be seen coming and going from church every Sunday?

34:42 Guest Because Gary Hart proved he can't do the other.

34:44 Adam That's right. Okay, very good.

34:46 Caller Well, I have another problem. Okay, this is a week after we were married. I was down at my mom's house because I'd been commuting from work and from work about five hours and I stopped doing that because of what just happened. We got into, we were just talking on the phone and whatnot. We hung up the phone and I had this weird feeling. I said, I've got to call him back. And my mom said, why? I said, I don't know. I feel like something's wrong. I called back and as I was dialing, he was dialing out. So our lines connected, but it never rang. And so when we both, it was completely silent. I said, hello. And he said, is Andrea there? And I didn't say anything. I hung up the phone. Then I hung. I called back again and the phone was busy. And then finally it rang and he clicked over. And I said, who were you just trying to get a hold of? And he goes, nobody. And I said, don't lie to me.

35:39 Adam All right. All right. Hold on. Listen.

35:41 But this is a girl that he met a year ago.

35:44 Caller That he...

35:44 Adam Okay. Listen, McGruff, what must it like to be in a marriage and have to be, you know, a private investigator?

35:54 Drew The reason she needs to be, though, is this guy is...

35:56 Caller I don't like doing it, but I don't like somebody lying to me. Tell the truth whether it hurts or not.

36:00 Drew All right. Well, you got a real problem on your hands.

36:02 Adam Yeah. You got a serious problem because this guy's a liar and you're not a person people volunteer the truth to at all.

36:09 Drew Especially when this guy's truths are probably pretty, right, pretty much unpleasant.

36:15 Adam Tina, here's my suggestion because we got to go to break. I'm lying, actually. We got 10 minutes, but no, we got to go to break. Here's what you have to do, Tina. Don't turn the marriage into a competition. Do you know what I'm saying? Who's right, who's wrong, who lied, who caught who? It's like an Easter egg hunt you guys got, except for people are hiding like penises and vaginas instead of eggs. Could you imagine how the kids would be traumatized, by the way, if they found a penis instead of an Easter egg, Drew?

36:47 Guest That'd be upsetting.

36:48 Caller I might like it, no.

36:50 Guest Well, how about a little marriage counseling to help them, guide them through this? What do you guys think?

36:54 Adam Absolutely.

36:54 Guest It's not going to be easy to do it on their own.

36:56 Adam Don't turn it into a competition.

36:58 Drew Unfortunately, I think Tina's husband is a sociopath and that-

37:03 Guest No. You're just in a bad mood tonight.

37:04 Drew No, no, no. People that lie like that.

37:07 Guest What compels people to lie? Is it a spur of the moment thing or-

37:10 Drew No, that kind of lying is whatever suits them. That's it.

37:15 Adam Here's- I say he's just a good old-fashioned jackass. And he's a guy. He's a guy.

37:22 Guest Don't be so clinical, Adam.

37:23 Adam Oh, he's in the Army. I mean, come on. You know? Please. No education. He shoots people. He's hopped up on drugs. He sleeps with a bunch of guys in the barracks. I don't know why everyone gets all freaked out. Every guy I knew who went to the Army was because they couldn't get into junior college. You know what I'm saying? That's how it goes.

37:42 Guest What did Colin Powell say when he was here?

37:44 Adam Well, he's not enlisted, man. The point is, they got trouble and don't turn into a competition. Just try to get some counseling. Get to the bottom of it. All right. We're going to take a break. And Drew's going to punch some more equipment and then we'll be back.

38:15 Guest Man turns animal for the erotic pleasures of women.

38:19 Guest It's Loveline.

38:31 Guest Hey, everybody, this is Orion.

38:33 Caller And this is Steven. We're members of Third Eye Blind.

38:34 Guest You're listening to Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew on Loveline.

38:38 Adam Dylan Neal and Sydney Penny are both here from Hyperion Bay. That's on the WB, nine o'clock, Monday night. Drew has left us. The auditorium. Phone number for Loveline, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Hudson.

38:56 Caller Yeah, Adam, what's up?

38:57 Adam Hey, you're 21. You got some life in you.

38:59 Caller I got what?

39:00 Adam Life.

39:01 Caller Right on, yeah.

39:02 Caller Okay, I have a great analogy for you. Masturbation is to men what menstruation is to women.

39:12 Drew No, not quite.

39:14 Adam Why not? Because women wouldn't menstruate if they had a choice.

39:18 Caller No way.

39:19 Drew And men would do nothing but, probably.

39:21 Adam And listen, when a woman goes camping, she doesn't menstruate just because she's lying in a tent.

39:26 Caller But I have a question. When women reach menopause, don't they go through some sort of depression because they've lost their youth and vitality?

39:34 Adam No, it's just a bunch of hormones and stuff.

39:39 Drew Right. There can be some depression related to hormonal changes, but that's not related to anything else, really.

39:44 Guest You know, there was a comedian I thought was very clever. She said that getting your period is like airline food. You don't really want it, but if it doesn't come, you're screaming, where's mine?

39:54 Right.

39:56 Adam There's a good analogy.

39:57 Guest Sort of things. Right on.

39:59 I tried. All right.

40:00 Adam That's it? All right. Well, this is an effort.

40:05 Kate.

40:07 Caller Yeah.

40:07 Adam You're 19.

40:08 Caller Yeah.

40:08 Adam What's going on?

40:10 Caller Well, I'm a sophomore in college, and in one of my classes, a guy asked me out on a date, and what is the best way to reject a guy? And I thought Adam would be really good at answering this question. He's probably been rejected a lot.

40:22 Adam Oh. Many, many, many times.

40:24 Guest I'm proud of it.

40:25 Adam And thank you for that, by the way.

40:28 Caller I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

40:29 Adam I know you do. Now, how do you, how do you, you want to reject him?

40:34 Caller Yeah.

40:34 Adam What did you do when he asked you out? He already asked you out, didn't he?

40:37 Drew Yeah. Here's what you do.

40:38 Caller I messed it all up.

40:39 Drew You tell him you have a boyfriend.

40:41 Caller I, he knows I don't. I wish I did.

40:45 Drew How does he know that?

40:46 Caller Well, because he sits by me and in two of the classes, we have two classes together. And he sat by me in both of them. Yeah.

40:55 Caller So?

40:56 Drew And?

40:56 Caller And, you know, he just asked me, how's your weekend?

40:59 Caller You know, how's this? How's that?

41:00 Caller And stuff.

41:01 Drew And just tell him you just started seeing a guy and you think you're in damage close to land.

41:05 Guest That's it.

41:06 Caller It's really hard to say something like that.

41:08 Drew Well, Kate, if you can't even say that, you're going to be in real trouble.

41:11 Caller I can't lie. I just want to say no, you know, like.

41:14 Adam Okay. Why do you want to say no?

41:17 Caller Well, I'm not interested in being any more than friends with him.

41:20 Adam You're not attracted to him.

41:22 Caller Definitely not.

41:23 Adam He's a nice guy.

41:24 Caller Yeah, he's a really nice guy.

41:25 Drew But you already said yes.

41:27 Caller I didn't say yes.

41:28 Adam How did he ask you out?

41:30 Caller He caught up with me after class one day and last week, this week, Monday, and just said, so do you want to go mountain biking with me sometime? I'd love to go mountain biking because I am an outdoor type of person, but not with him. And so I just quickly said, I don't have a bike, which is true. And he said, oh, that's no problem. And then I just said, I'm really busy. And he goes, oh, okay. And then because I am busy this week.

42:01 Adam So did he pick up on that?

42:04 Caller Kind of. But he said, okay, well, get back to you on Friday.

42:08 Drew Well, hopefully he won't. But just keep making excuses like that. Yeah, that's fine.

42:11 Caller Oh, it's a small class. He will.

42:14 Adam All right. Is this junior college?

42:15 Caller No.

42:16 Adam Really? No. And what college is this?

42:20 Caller What college? It's a college in Oregon. It's a state college.

42:25 Adam Okay.

42:26 Caller Yeah.

42:26 Adam And you don't want to go out with them. So just tell me you don't want to go out with them.

42:29 Guest Got to do it or it's only going to get worse.

42:31 Guest Is it so bad just to say that I would enjoy being your friend, but if you're looking for something romantic, I just don't want it to go in that area? I mean, would a guy rather hear the truth than to be lied to and say I've got a 700 pound boyfriend?

42:45 Drew Most guys will pick up on the clues.

42:48 Guest It's just, you know, it's obvious.

42:51 Drew But at that age, some guys may sort of...

42:54 Adam Well, here's... How old is he?

42:57 Caller I think he's about a year older than I am.

42:59 Drew 20.

42:59 Adam Yeah. Guys are pretty thick and you can never underestimate...

43:03 Guest I've never underestimated that...

43:04 Adam .people's ability to believe what they want to believe. And women oftentimes are too kind. And they say, oh, no, no, I'd love to, I'd love to, but I can't, not this Friday, not this Friday, but I'd love to. And so the guy sort of clings to that. And then he'll ask her out again and she'll say, I'd love to, but not this week because... And the guy will keep clinging to that. Drew, you've done that, haven't you? I've done it for Upwards. I had that happen, oh, I've had that happen with porn stars and stuff. I mean, when I was younger. I've been strung along by women who got into pornography later on in their career. Christy Canyon did this to me.

43:43 Drew Oh my God.

43:44 Adam Although she wasn't Christy Canyon at the time. And there was another one, too. I told you this before.

43:50 Drew I didn't realize it was quite so pathetic.

43:52 Adam It is, yeah. And then there's the gay porn stars I didn't want to get into. But the point is, is guys will believe what they want to believe. And if you're too, it's like you have to put just the right amount of salt in with the sugar. You know what I mean? No one's going to look somebody in the eye and go, I'm not interested in you. I have no boyfriend, but I'm not attracted to you. So could you please take your mountain bike?

44:18 Guest Well, let's get back to the menstrual cycle and maybe that will happen.

44:21 Adam Right.

44:23 Caller Well, it's like a common thing for guys to do because I also got a letter this year from a guy that I met this summer and I didn't give him my address. It was just I met him through work because I work on a fishing boat at Deccan. He sent me a letter.

44:41 Adam You're a lesbian, right?

44:42 Caller No.

44:43 Adam Okay.

44:44 Caller No, definitely not.

44:46 Adam It's a fishing boat. What do you do on this fishing boat?

44:50 Caller At Deccan. It's a charter fishing boat.

44:52 Adam And so what do you do? Do you catch on board or strap people into fighting chairs? Or what do you do?

44:59 Caller We don't have fighting chairs, but you take care of them. You play hostess, get them anything they want. You know, like something to drink, like hot to drink or something, cause I live in Alaska, actually.

45:10 Drew Is that where you're calling from?

45:11 Caller No.

45:12 Drew Oregon, Oregon, that's right.

45:14 Adam All right, so.

45:15 Caller So I do that kind of stuff, and he didn't talk to me like the whole week, and so he sent me a letter that said I was the most beautiful person he'd ever met in his life, which is a lie. I'm not like ugly, but I'm not the most beautiful person.

45:26 Adam Maybe he doesn't get out much.

45:28 Caller I don't know. Anyway, but do you guys often, I mean, that was really weird.

45:32 Adam Hold on a second there, Kate.

45:34 Drew Guys get infatuated, yeah.

45:35 Adam But here's what's going on with Kate. She doesn't have relationships, or she doesn't date, or she hasn't had any experience, or she's just not good with confrontation.

45:45 Guest Is there anybody she'd actually like to go out with? Is she saving her dating for some particular person?

45:51 Adam Let's ask her. Kate?

45:52 Caller Yeah.

45:53 Adam Have you dated?

45:55 Caller Yeah.

45:55 Adam You have?

45:56 Caller Yeah.

45:57 Adam And are you a virgin?

45:58 Caller No.

45:59 Adam And do you like guys?

46:01 Caller Yeah.

46:01 Adam And why aren't you dating?

46:04 Caller Why aren't I?

46:05 Adam Yeah.

46:05 Caller Because the guys I like don't like me right now.

46:09 Adam Yeah. And when you had a boyfriend, did you have him for a while?

46:14 Caller We dated for three years, broke up and spent the summer together.

46:19 Adam So you understand men and, you know, that they're interested in you sometimes and they're gonna ask you out and all that stuff, right?

46:28 Caller Yeah. But not the ones I want, but yeah. Okay.

46:32 Adam Listen, nobody gets the ones they want. That's the way it goes. That's dating. Everybody's pissed off and you realize that the ones you want to go out with don't want to go out with you, but that's all right because they're not...

46:45 Drew Sydney, Adam is directing this at you tonight. Yeah. He's really disturbed, I can tell.

46:50 Guest He's moved beyond the porn stars and now zoning in.

46:53 Drew Right.

46:54 Adam Sydney, you find me attractive, don't you?

46:57 Caller Yeah.

46:59 Caller Okay, let's have a little mock asking out.

47:01 Guest Okay, Adam, try your best with Sydney and she'll give the response that our caller here should maybe practice.

47:06 Adam I'm just saying, you know, just because it's radio, if you could be audible about your answer, it would be better.

47:13 Guest Yeah.

47:13 Adam She had like that stunned look, she opened her mouth, she paused for a minute, she ran over a few quick answers and then nodded her head sheepishly.

47:21 Guest I don't know. You know, I think I'm just getting to the point in my life where it's like, you know what, it's not going to happen. I think you should just put your energies in some other direction. Now, this is not just, you know, but don't take it personally. But you know, I don't think there's anything wrong with being honest with someone if you can be somewhat kind about it.

47:38 Yeah.

47:39 Adam All right. It's just a little decorum that Kate has to learn. Most women have honed it by 19, but Kate's a little behind.

47:46 Yeah.

47:46 Adam That's all right. She'll get it down.

47:47 Guest No, I wasn't.

47:48 Adam Don't lead them on. Oh, you weren't, you didn't have any technique by that?

47:51 Guest Not at all. I was the same way. I didn't want to make anybody feel bad, and it's easier to postpone it and hope they just disappear.

48:00 Adam I don't think guys would be any better. It's just nobody asked them out, so they don't really have to deal with that aspect. You know what I'm saying?

48:07 Caller Right, right, right.

48:08 Adam All right. We're going to take a little break. I'm going to recover, and we'll be back.

48:18 Caller Love Line with Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla. We'll be right back.

48:23 Adam W-E-B-N.

48:43 Caller Hi, this is Monique, this is T-Bone from Save Ferris, and you're listening to Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

48:50 Adam Hey, it's Love Line. We are gonna take ourselves a little 10 second top of the hour station identification break, and we'll be right back in 10 seconds with more Love Line.

49:02 This is Love Line on Radio Station.

49:07 Caller We are the G-spot on your radio dial.

49:10 Caller Oh, you're right there.

49:11 Caller Love Line on 1027.

49:14 Caller W-E-B-N, Cincinnati.

49:17 Adam It is Love Line. I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. The stars of Hyperion Bay are here, Dylan and Sydney, both on the show, which is on the WB, 9 o'clock, Monday nights. Drew, you watch Hyperion Bay?

49:35 Drew Monday nights.

49:37 Guest Don't even try, Drew. That's fine. I got a question for you, Drew. Maybe you can answer this.

49:41 Drew Maybe.

49:42 Guest Back to that menstrual topic we were on. What universal powers that be are in play when you get a group of women together for a long period and you got the alpha wolf leading everyone along, following? What is that about?

49:53 Alpha wolf?

49:54 Guest You know what I'm talking about, right?

49:56 Guest Yeah, one dominant female creates this whole get in line everybody. This is the way we're going.

50:02 Drew Pheromones. Pheromones. That's a theory.

50:04 Guest But that is not proven. But that is a real thing, pheromones.

50:06 Drew Yeah, something's there. We don't know exactly what they are.

50:08 Guest I just find that boggling that that happens.

50:11 Drew You know what? It's so funny. As humans, at least in today's day, we're always just shocked when we find out in fact we're just these biological animals.

50:21 Adam Yeah, I mean the whole salmon going back to the spawning ground isn't really all that bizarre to us because that's nature, but we don't really include ourselves with nature, which is kind of ridiculous just because we came up with the term nature. We figure we don't fall under the umbrella. But it's true. We've learned from this show and the thing we explain to everybody, what I like to call the polar bear theory, which is...

50:45 Drew It's explained in a book.

50:47 Adam Oh yeah, we've got to plug the book. Polar bear theory is very eloquently described in the book, which is... It's my theory, by the way, Drew.

50:54 Drew Yes, it is. I'm not totally on board with it, by the way.

50:57 Adam Oh, yes, you are, Egeka. Shut Drew's mic off until he agrees with the polar bear theory.

51:01 Guest Oh, it's gone.

51:02 Adam Here's what we basically tell people, which is if you want to figure out how polar bears mate and migrate and what brings them into the city and what you should do to get rid of them when they're causing trouble, whatever, you study about 100 of them and you have your answer. You don't have to study every individual polar bear. You study a handful of them and you assume however those mate, whatever the rich are. You do a polling of the polar bears. Right. And then as a scientist, you're satisfied that after studying this 100, a group of 100 polar bears, you know exactly how polar bears work, how they mate, migration, whatever, hunting, whatever. I would contend it's about the same with human beings. We're slightly more complex. But if you want to know how human beings work, just study a small group of them, do the show for one night, talk to 10, 16 year olds, you'll find that everyone's the same. And then whatever policy you put in place, you do it according to that data. We have this theory in this country that we have to study everybody. Everyone's an individual, everyone's totally unique, every 16 year old is different. We have to study everyone on a case by case basis. We contend that that's not true at all.

52:12 Guest Right.

52:13 Adam Whatever, we know from talking to just a handful of 16 year olds or 25 year olds or whatever it is, basically what we can expect out of them, which is little to nothing.

52:25 Guest And the gambling proved it tonight, did it not?

52:28 Adam Absolutely.

52:28 Guest I've still got a buck here for that.

52:30 Adam Drew's never fall off, far off at gambling. Shelley, well, see if we can cook up some gambling. Shelley?

52:37 Caller Ready?

52:38 Drew Ready.

52:39 Adam Right. Okay. You're 36, by the way.

52:41 Caller Yes, I'm 36. I've been with a guy for 10 years. He's environmentally retarded. He's what you call slow.

52:50 Drew What is it? Environmentally retarded?

52:52 Adam Well, he doesn't recycle.

52:54 Caller No. His mom went to the third.

52:58 Adam Hold on. I got to laugh out of Drew.

53:00 Drew Look, I'm laughing mostly on our guest. We're just dying over here.

53:04 Adam I know, but you got to understand, I tell 1,700 jokes a week in front of Drew and rarely get him to look up from whatever medical text he's reading. The idea that he's chuckling is...

53:15 Guest Savor the moment.

53:16 Adam Let me just drink this in. I wish I was in a warm bath and drinking a cappuccino so I could really bring it in.

53:22 Drew So what does that mean, Shelley?

53:23 Caller Well, his dad went to the third grade. His mom went to the sixth grade. He can barely read a book, although he graduated a child's book, although he graduated from high school.

53:31 Drew You mean he's uneducated?

53:32 Caller Yeah, they sent him through. He's slow. He's a little more than not educated. He's really.

53:38 Drew Developmentally delayed also.

53:39 Caller Yeah. Okay. Okay. So I told you that to let you know that I think that that makes him a little more single-minded. The problem is, I think he has a foot fetish. He first told me, well, he told me that this first happened when he was very young. He had a 15 year old babysitter who rubbed her feet on his penis. Right away when I started dating him, he wanted me to rub my feet on his penis. So I did it. I said, okay, this is kind of kinky, but oh well. I'm an admitted sex addict and he's a sex addict. I think sex addicts are good at sex. And so after a year of living together, he started waking me up in the middle of the night, masturbating on me and grossing me out. And I had asked him to stop and he'd do it the next night. And that continued for eight years.

54:37 Adam Oh, there may be some gambling here. I would go for the foot thing on the penis, but I'm scared my schvanz would get caught between the toes and it'd be embarrassing.

54:48 Drew What's the slip between the toes?

54:49 Adam Yeah.

54:49 Drew Yeah.

54:51 Adam Shelly.

54:52 Caller You ready?

54:53 Adam Yeah. We're thinking about just stopping right now and gambling.

54:55 Guest Let's get another one, guys.

54:57 Caller Okay. So he did this for eight years, all through a divorce, a separation. While he had a girlfriend, he continued to masturbate on me.

55:06 Adam On you?

55:06 Caller Yes.

55:07 Adam What does that mean exactly?

55:08 Caller On my feet. He rubs his penis until he releases himself on my feet.

55:12 Drew What do you mean he had a divorce and a girlfriend?

55:14 Adam Where are you? Do you sleep with your feet on?

55:16 Caller No. I'm sleeping on the bed.

55:17 Drew Who is he divorcing from?

55:19 Caller On his knees.

55:20 Drew Who is he divorcing from?

55:22 Caller I divorced him. He's my ex-husband. And we're still dating. We've dated all the way through it.

55:28 Drew Oh, gee.

55:30 Adam Do you wake up when he is giving you the...

55:35 Caller I've been in therapy for quite a while, myself, and I've got my own problems. And one of them is I take psych meds that make me very tired and groggy.

55:42 Drew He takes them too, doesn't he?

55:43 Caller No, he doesn't.

55:44 Drew Should he?

55:44 Caller He refuses to go to therapy.

55:45 Drew He should be. He should be though.

55:47 Adam All right. Hold on, Shelley. Shelley?

55:49 Drew Yeah?

55:49 Adam Hang on. We're going to gamble.

55:50 Guest Oh, God. Give up right now. I'm just going to give you my dollar. This is so complicated.

55:54 Drew I agree with you. Even I agree with you.

55:56 Guest All I know is it gives a whole different meaning to toe jam.

55:59 Guest Oh. Where's that laugh track?

56:02 Adam Mike, would you give it the laugh track?

56:03 Guest I saw the timing.

56:04 Adam All right. That was not the laugh track. All right. Drew, what's going on behind you there? I think she was ritualistically abused when she was a kid. Do you get that?

56:18 Drew I mean, some nut-nesses. I mean, some something substantial and something really chaotic. I think she's like bipolar too. So.

56:25 Adam All right. Shelly?

56:27 Caller Yeah.

56:28 Adam Were you sexually abused?

56:29 Caller Yes. I am a sexually abused victim, which is he's like repeating that in my life.

56:33 Of course.

56:35 Adam Right.

56:35 Drew All right.

56:36 Adam So you can't sleep with socks on?

56:38 Drew No. What is his diagnosis?

56:41 Caller He doesn't have a diagnosis.

56:43 Guest He's not going for help.

56:44 Caller He's never been treated at all.

56:46 Drew He's never seen a psychiatrist?

56:47 Caller Never. Refuses.

56:49 Drew But somebody must have tried to get him in or taken him in?

56:52 Caller No. Never.

56:53 Drew Why would he refuse? Why would he refuse if nobody ever tried to get him?

56:56 Caller I've asked him to go get help.

56:58 Drew I see.

57:00 Adam All right. So what's your and his status right now?

57:04 Caller We're divorced and we're dating.

57:07 Drew Your therapist must love this.

57:09 Adam It's like who could walk away from all that?

57:13 Caller Let me tell you this. This sex is really good but it could be better. He's very selfish and it comes down to Vaseline on my feet and wiggling my feet and smelling my feet. It's all about feet.

57:29 Adam Right.

57:29 Caller And it could be better. I mean, he touches my breast like there. He's wringing out a sweater.

57:36 Adam I hate to laugh, but this is bizarre.

57:39 Caller No kisses, no hugs.

57:41 Drew Yeah, Shelley, Shelley, it could be better because you're barely engaged with another human being here.

57:48 Adam Do you have intercourse?

57:50 Caller Yes, we do, but he doesn't stay erect unless I do the foot stuff.

57:54 Caller Wow.

57:56 Adam You have any kids?

57:58 Caller Not by him. That's complicated too. I have a son that he believed was his when he was born and wouldn't accept that he wasn't his. Later on, I had to force him to see this was not his son, but that son loves him like a father and I consider him his father.

58:18 Adam How old is your child now?

58:19 Caller He's nine.

58:20 Adam Where is he?

58:21 Caller I have two other children, but not by him. They're 17 and 19.

58:26 Drew What are they doing?

58:28 Caller The 19-year-old is in all kind of trouble with an abusive guy. The 17-year-old is a total victim to men.

58:35 Adam They're both girls?

58:36 Caller Both girls.

58:37 Adam Thank God.

58:39 Caller No, kind of bad.

58:40 Adam No, bad. See, they're the victims, not me. They'd be kicking my ass if they were boys. You understand?

58:46 Guest Sociopath theory again.

58:48 Adam Listen, Shelly, you have two choices with kids. Victims or victimizers? Those are the two choices. Now, thankfully, you had girls who just got themselves caught up with victimizers and are being abused. My heart goes out to them, but they're not sodomizing or raping me.

59:06 Caller That's right, yeah.

59:07 Adam And if these guys were, if you had a 19-year-old son, believe me, he would have killed somebody by now. Or at least shot someone in the foot.

59:15 Caller Yeah.

59:16 Adam All right. So can you stop with the kids?

59:19 Caller Can I stop with the kids?

59:20 Adam Stop having the kids?

59:21 Caller No more kids.

59:23 Adam That's good.

59:23 Caller No more kids. It's snipped and clipped.

59:25 Adam Oh, good. Who's decision was that?

59:28 Caller Me. I was done after my nine-year-old.

59:31 Adam Okay. Can you get this guy in to see either a therapist or a podiatrist or something and take care of him?

59:40 Caller He refuses.

59:41 Adam Well, don't put up with him then.

59:42 Drew I have a curious question. Just by the way she reported about when I was done with my nine-year-old, how many pregnancies did you actually have?

59:48 Caller Three.

59:49 Drew You had no more than that?

59:50 Caller No, never. Possibly I could have had a miscarriage when I was 15, but I'm not sure.

59:55 Guest All right.

59:56 Adam All right. Shelly, you got the divorce. Why don't you just stop dating?

59:59 Caller Really?

1:00:00 Guest Oh, yes.

1:00:03 Caller Really?

1:00:03 Drew We'll talk to your therapist. Talk to your therapist.

1:00:06 Adam I want you to talk to everyone's therapist.

1:00:08 Caller All right.

1:00:09 Adam You're done with therapy?

1:00:10 Caller I quit, but I'll go back.

1:00:12 Adam Do you work?

1:00:13 Caller No. Why? The mental illness is too hard to keep a job.

1:00:19 Adam Okay. I don't know. I've been a lot of places. Right. I think you could work. The radio station could probably be a start. You certainly get a job over at the TV show. God knows that Drew's publicist is always looking for help. All right, Shelly.

1:00:34 All right.

1:00:35 Adam Get rid of this guy, would you?

1:00:36 Okay.

1:00:37 Adam All right.

1:00:37 Drew It's never happened. No way.

1:00:40 Adam Here's the scariest part about our society is Shelly gets to have as many kids as she wants.

1:00:47 Drew And we can't have her work in because she can't function.

1:00:49 Adam She can't function. But it's not our job to tell her whether she can have kids or not.

1:00:53 Drew But I think it is. That's an easy job. Let her be a parent.

1:00:58 Adam Yes. You know, we-

1:00:59 Drew What job is there?

1:01:00 Adam Well, here's our, here's our ramp basically, which is all politicians want to talk about is crime, pollution, unemployment, parenting, or, or, you know, family values, single family values, family values, single parents, I'm gonna pop out that in. religion, whatever it is, whatever it is you're talking about, building new prisons, law enforcement, teenage pregnancies, STDs, HIV, all this stuff. But what they don't want to talk about is really getting people like this last caller not to have kids. And that really takes care of everything else. Because it's her kids that are getting into prison, unemployed, substance abusers, welfare recipients. All the topics that the politicians are talking about are all sort of the farm team that feeds all of those prisons.

1:01:56 Guest But how do you propose possibly even, you know, deal with that?

1:01:59 Adam Well, the first thing you do is when someone like this has a kid and they come for assistance, they get the NORP plant. Because we say, look, you can't take care of the one kid you have. And we don't want the kid to go hungry. We don't want you to go hungry. On the other hand, we don't want to pay for another one. And obviously, you're not responsible or in a position to take care of the one you have.

1:02:21 Drew But if you don't want the check?

1:02:22 Adam If you don't want the check, we won't give you the check. But if you accept the check, we'll give you the NORP plan. And when you're ready to start...

1:02:28 Guest Scary area though, huh? Scary topic.

1:02:30 Adam Not really. It's black and white. I mean, it's...

1:02:32 Guest So then what's the judging panel though? So when do they graduate perhaps from the NORP plan or do they...

1:02:36 Adam When they don't want the checks anymore. All right. It's pure and simple. It's like anything else. If you don't show up for your Hyperion Bay gig, you don't get paid. You don't sit home and say, where's the check? They say, where are they at for you? Get in here and read this crappy script. I mean, read this piece of genius we've just cranked out.

1:02:57 Guest That's right.

1:02:58 Adam But you work and you get at the end. They pay you on Friday. They don't pay you on Monday because they need you to show up Monday through Friday. They pay at the end of the day on Friday. This is how life works. And if you can't take care of one of your kids, then you don't get to have anymore. And I'm fine with that. And why should you want to have more, by the way, if you can't provide for the one you have? Now I would like to, and this is what I'm going to do. I'll implement this when I'm in power. Sydney, I'll put you right in my cabinet, too. Don't worry. There'll be a cushy internship for you. Yes. All right. But when I'm in power, I am going to, I'm going to hone in on people that I see as potential trouble down the road. Like for instance, Sydney's two kids. I know that this...

1:03:44 Guest Sydney.

1:03:45 Adam Sorry. I keep saying Sydney.

1:03:47 Guest Stop the infatuation. Talking about male infatuation.

1:03:49 Adam Is it Shelley?

1:03:50 Drew Kelly Shelley, yeah.

1:03:52 Adam Our last caller's two kids had a 17-year-old and a 19-year-old. I can tell you that they're heading on a collision course with teenage pregnancy, with abuse, with substance abuse.

1:04:02 Guest That you see day in, day out.

1:04:03 Adam I am going to get to them early.

1:04:05 Guest Right.

1:04:05 Adam I'm going to fund some resources toward them early. I'm not going to wait till they turn 18, have a couple of kids, and join the system.

1:04:12 Guest Exactly.

1:04:13 Adam That is my plan.

1:04:14 Guest Absolutely. Because the patterns can be stopped if you're made aware of them. It doesn't have to continue into perpetuity.

1:04:20 Drew Well, that's the other point, is there has to be consensus on what these patterns are. Why our society shrinks from this is just shocking to me.

1:04:29 Adam Right.

1:04:29 Guest It's a tough subject to talk about because it affects so many people, though. You don't want to talk about things you might see in your own life.

1:04:35 Adam But to me, it's the only topic worth talking about when you're talking about a society.

1:04:43 Guest This is what Rob Reiner's Foundation is dealing with, obviously, as well, is the parenting and the impact that improper parenting has on the development process between the ages of zero and three and so much as seven.

1:04:53 Drew But that's the whole deal.

1:04:54 Adam Yeah, exactly.

1:04:54 Drew It's all about that. Unfortunately, I think it's optimistic to think that you can impact significantly on parenting people like this last caller we had.

1:05:03 Adam No.

1:05:04 Drew It's just making her not have more kids is more important than trying to craft a great parent.

1:05:08 Adam Yes, I would just label her insane and render her sterile. Well, if I was in charge.

1:05:14 Guest So you're bypassing norplank, go right for sterility.

1:05:17 Adam Right. Well, it's a society. And somebody's going to run it. Everyone just has their own thing. We're going to get screwed. Ryan, you're 17. Don't worry. You guys are in.

1:05:28 Guest Am I in? I want a cabinet post in this government.

1:05:31 Adam I would consider you guys part of the beautiful people.

1:05:34 Guest So we're part of the breeding program, is that right?

1:05:36 Adam Absolutely. That's right. And if you breed, I get to watch. That's my policy. Ryan, you're 17. What's going on?

1:05:44 Caller First of all, I just want to say, you guys are totally cool and funny and stuff. And Adam, did you do that Mr. Birchum thing on the K-Rock Christmas CD?

1:05:51 Adam I may have known him, but I'll not cop to that material.

1:05:55 Caller All right. And I sent in for an autographed picture of you guys and like on your signature thing, you put MBV and I was just wondering what that means.

1:06:02 Adam Geez, that must have been a while ago.

1:06:05 Caller Not too long ago.

1:06:06 Adam It had to be, because I haven't written that in a long time.

1:06:10 Drew Maybe Ann finally sent it out of a stack.

1:06:13 Adam That's true. Sometimes Ann brings in a big stack and we just sign them. But we care about each individual. Yeah, even if we're just talking on the phone and signing.

1:06:21 Guest Even if it's just a stamp and not really your signature.

1:06:24 Adam Getting close now.

1:06:25 Guest Okay.

1:06:26 Adam All right.

1:06:26 Caller What does it mean?

1:06:27 Adam Shut Dylan's mic off. That'd be Mayor of Boobville.

1:06:33 Caller Oh, okay.

1:06:33 Adam Yes.

1:06:34 Caller All right. And I got to close.

1:06:37 Adam I was just hoping I could slide that one past Sydney.

1:06:41 Caller All right.

1:06:42 Adam I was... Uh-oh. Is my headphone screwed up or is that my mic? That's me. Is that all right? You want to punch something?

1:06:48 Yeah, punch something.

1:06:49 Adam I was creating this utopia called Boobville, which was in Plentywood, Montana. I was looking at some land out there, right near the Canadian border so we could go on runs and get some cheap beer and that kind of stuff. But just the plans fell through and I couldn't get funding.

1:07:05 Guest Did you say Boobville?

1:07:07 Adam Yeah, it was sort of utopia for men, you know.

1:07:10 Guest If you had any chance with Sydney, you've now just lost it. Really?

1:07:14 Adam What about Asberg? You got a pretty good ass on you. I gotta say that. All right, anyway, Ryan.

1:07:20 Caller All right.

1:07:21 Adam It would be fun to live in a place called Asberg.

1:07:23 Caller Hell yeah.

1:07:24 Drew Asberg Heights.

1:07:25 Caller I'd rather live in Boobville though.

1:07:26 Adam Yeah. I'd rather live in the valley of Asberg. All right, Ryan. What do you want?

1:07:32 Caller All right. There's this girl who I go to school with and I guess she's got a crush on me. She calls me all the time and she tells me her problems and all this stuff. She's manic depressive and she tried to kill herself last year. She calls me all this crap and it's hard to avoid her and stuff because I go to school with her and she's in my classes, but I don't want to have anything to do with her really, but I don't know how to tell her without hurting her feelings and stuff. What do you think I should do?

1:07:56 Adam Is she real aggressive?

1:08:00 Caller She calls me all the time and she'll come up to me and talk to me and stuff at school.

1:08:02 Guest She's reaching out.

1:08:03 Drew Well, but it's like she's persistent and doesn't pick up on the cues that he's given out.

1:08:09 Caller I try to not pay too much of attention to it, but it kind of bothers me.

1:08:15 Adam Usually guys can just get away with being sort of playing stupid.

1:08:19 Guest Yeah, but he's a nice guy. That's why he's not playing stupid. He's a nice guy. He probably likes it a little bit to a certain degree, but then it gets scary.

1:08:27 Caller Yeah, so what should I do?

1:08:31 Adam Well, you're scared you might send her over the edge if you're too frank with her?

1:08:35 Caller Yeah, kind of. I mean, I have to see her and stuff every day, so it'd be kind of weird if, I don't know.

1:08:42 Drew Well, it's so awkward and so hard. I mean, what do you say? You don't call anymore?

1:08:46 Guest No, a director towards a therapist.

1:08:48 Guest Has she admitted that she's manic aggressive and all that?

1:08:50 Guest Yeah, yeah.

1:08:51 Adam Yeah, I mean, I think he can just be nice and just not agree to do anything. I mean, don't you do that all the time, Drew? Don't you guys always do that?

1:09:00 Guest But if you care and she's really reaching out, you don't want to just pass her off.

1:09:04 Guest It depends on the role you want to play. I mean, if you feel that you can make some sort of-

1:09:08 Drew Here's the basic thing.

1:09:08 Adam Well, the problem is, once he gets drawn in to this sort of provider, healthcare worker role, he's going to get drawn in in a big way.

1:09:17 Drew But he's one of these people that is undoubtedly sort of busy being perfect and perfect for other people, perfect for himself, and he's going to have to be not perfect for a while.

1:09:25 Adam He's getting a little cathartic here, Drew.

1:09:26 Drew And he's going to have to-

1:09:28 Caller Stop speaking slower.

1:09:30 Guest Checking them on.

1:09:31 Adam You're so transparent, buddy.

1:09:33 Drew And he's going to have to not be perfect and disappoint her. And it's going to be hard for him and difficult and he's going to have to do it repeatedly and systematically until she sort of slows down. I don't think he's going to be able to step in and sort of confront her or be rejecting because she's going to be too uncomfortable.

1:09:51 Guest What if this is some sort of cry for help from her?

1:09:53 Drew But she's in treatment. She's in treatment, she's biopsy, she's on med, she's been in a hospital, she's tried suicide. I mean, she's in treatment, but she's just grabbing on to him. And it's because she knows he can't say no, that she does that.

1:10:06 Adam Okay. Let's see. Who do we want to talk to when we come back for the break?

1:10:13 Guest He's tension.

1:10:14 Adam I find a good call here, Drew. His wife's sex life. Is it possible that the gynecologist screwed up the diagnosis of herpes?

1:10:23 Drew Sure.

1:10:23 Adam All right. Alva?

1:10:27 Drew Alva? Hello? All right.

1:10:30 Adam Hang on a second. Yeah, this is not going to be a good call. Hang on.

1:10:33 All right?

1:10:33 Adam Okay. All right. Just hang on with them herpes for one more second. Jeff?

1:10:39 Yeah.

1:10:39 Adam 24?

1:10:40 Yeah.

1:10:42 Adam Even his wife's sex life have fizzled right after the marriage?

1:10:45 Guest Pretty much.

1:10:46 Adam Okay, good. Hang on. I don't have any sex while we're on commercial break, all right?

1:10:50 Guest Don't worry.

1:10:51 Adam All right. I knew it. Say that. We'll be back.

1:10:58 Caller Love Line with Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla. We'll be right back. W-E-B-N.

1:11:27 Guest Hi, this is Dan, John, and Jake. We're Semisonic, and you're listening to Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:11:35 Adam Yes, you are. Dylan Neal and Sydney Penny, Penny are both here from Hyperion Bay. That's on the WB. That's at nine o'clock on Monday nights. Dr. Drew's here. He's from Pasadena. Nobody cares. Phone number. Forget the phone number. You know, it only encourages people to call when we give that phone number out, Drew. And Lord knows, I've had my fill of screwed up people. For the TV people, the TV people during the commercial of one of the shows we were taping today came up to me and told me, stop yelling at all.

1:12:09 Drew No, stop telling them to die. Well, I didn't say die.

1:12:13 Adam I just told them to shut up and hang up.

1:12:15 Drew And go kill yourself.

1:12:16 Adam Did I tell them to kill themselves? Yes. Are you sure I didn't say I was going to kill myself?

1:12:20 Drew Maybe.

1:12:21 Adam All right. Anyway. So I told the producer to kill himself and I think I got my message across. Jeff is 24. He and his wife's sex life have fizzled. Jeff?

1:12:35 Guest Yeah.

1:12:36 Adam What's happening with the sex life there?

1:12:38 Guest It's really not happening. That's the thing.

1:12:40 Adam How long have you been married?

1:12:42 Guest About a year and a half.

1:12:44 Drew And it was okay before the wedding?

1:12:47 Guest It started sizzling a little bit before. I mean, when we first started going out, it was pretty good. You know, it wasn't as often as I'd like. I mean, you know.

1:12:57 Adam What do you want? How often do you want it?

1:13:00 Guest I don't think it could be as often as I like, but...

1:13:03 Adam How often would that be?

1:13:05 Guest Well, when we first started going out, you know, three, four times a week. You know, usually about three, you know.

1:13:10 Adam What are you at now?

1:13:12 Guest Oh, well, we haven't had sex for about two months now.

1:13:17 Adam Yeah, that's something.

1:13:19 Guest And before that, we went, like, maybe eight months.

1:13:22 Adam And, uh, listen, I know women.

1:13:27 Guest And?

1:13:28 Adam And she's pissed at you.

1:13:31 Guest No. I seriously think it's that she just doesn't care for it, you know.

1:13:37 Guest It could be hormonal.

1:13:39 Guest What's that?

1:13:40 Drew Jeff, there's a reason.

1:13:41 Adam Well, there's a couple of biological. Did she just have a kid?

1:13:44 Guest No.

1:13:45 Drew She on medication?

1:13:47 Guest No.

1:13:47 Adam She's pissed at you.

1:13:48 Guest No, she's not pissed at me.

1:13:50 Drew How old is she?

1:13:51 Guest She's 25.

1:13:52 Drew Does she have any medical problems?

1:13:54 Guest No.

1:13:54 Drew Was she abused when she was younger?

1:13:56 Guest No.

1:13:56 Adam She watched one of those god-awful Fox specials about the 300-pound boil, the tumors that they're removing, and the, uh...

1:14:03 Guest That's still disturbing me.

1:14:04 Adam That asshole eatin live earthworms? I swear to God, I gotta get a class-action suit against those idiots over at Fox.

1:14:10 Guest They just gotta stop that now.

1:14:11 Adam They run those promos during The Simpsons. I'm gonna... I ratchet every time I see that. It's a 300-pound tumor with, uh...

1:14:17 Guest Teeth and hair and stuff, you know?

1:14:19 Adam That's just disgusting. And it undulates, and, uh... God forbid they show breasts on TV, though. That's gonna offend people's sensibilities.

1:14:27 Guest I've got a question.

1:14:28 Adam Yeah?

1:14:28 Guest Has, uh... Has he changed after the wedding? I mean, did he, um... Did something happen, like, now I'm married and I'm gonna wear that same ugly T-shirt every day, or...

1:14:41 Drew Jeff?

1:14:41 Adam You got one that's making bacon T-shirts, Jeff?

1:14:44 Guest Other than that, our relationship's really good.

1:14:47 Drew Didn't ask that question, though.

1:14:48 Adam Have you changed?

1:14:49 Guest Have I changed? Yeah. No, not at all. I mean...

1:14:54 Adam All right, let me ask you this, Jeff. You've confronted her, you've asked her, hey, how come we're not being intimate as much as we were?

1:15:02 Guest Yeah, I don't confront her as much as I should, I don't think.

1:15:04 Adam Well, what would her answer be if you asked her that question?

1:15:08 Guest She just, she doesn't want to talk about it. You know, she'll try to change the subject or she'll start getting mad that we have to talk about it.

1:15:15 Drew There's something substantial going on here. Get out of your denial.

1:15:17 Adam Two choices.

1:15:19 Guest Oh, yeah, I know there's something wrong.

1:15:20 Adam Two choices. Either something happened to her when she was younger that was, that's now sort of coming back, which could have, which could very well be the case, or she has feelings toward you that you're not aware of, that are probably aren't good.

1:15:35 Drew Not good ones, yeah.

1:15:36 Adam So, Jeff, what is it? What about her past?

1:15:39 Guest Well, there's nothing about her past. She comes from a good family.

1:15:43 Drew I suggest you examine it a little bit, because...

1:15:45 Guest Yeah, it's, she was never, like even, even when we first started dating, you know, and first started the sex thing, she would even tell me, well, I don't really, she didn't, she didn't really want to, you know, she would tell me, well, we're not going to do this all the time, you know, like when we first started dating.

1:16:02 Adam It's a good thing you married her, by the way, Jeff.

1:16:04 Guest Yeah, that's good thinking.

1:16:04 Adam That was, boy, is your penis best. That's the worst investment it ever had. It's going to sue you.

1:16:14 Guest If we never had sex again, I'd stay with her, you know, but I just wish we could figure out something about it.

1:16:21 Adam Second, Drew stops putting out. I'm out of here. Hey, all right, all right. Hold on. Let me let me talk to Drew and our guest for a second here. Drew's getting massive denial from this guy. And he's one of these guys. He must sell something for a living or work in one of those in retail somehow. Jeff, what do you do for a living?

1:16:42 Guest I'm a manager.

1:16:44 Adam Yeah. What do you manage?

1:16:46 Guest Restaurant.

1:16:47 Drew Restaurant.

1:16:48 Adam Big fat time with the bad clip on it. Jeff?

1:16:52 Guest Yeah.

1:16:52 Adam You are in a lot of denial. There's something going on here. There's something serious.

1:16:57 Guest I can't figure it out.

1:17:00 Adam I know you can't figure it out, but you don't try either.

1:17:02 Drew Right. You're not willing to find out who your wife is. Your statement was, if we never have sex again, I'll stay with her because she's my ideal. She's perfect. She's blah, blah, blah. You're projecting all kinds of crap on her. Why the hell did you find out who your wife is and what's bugging her and get on with this relationship?

1:17:18 Guest I don't think she's perfect. I don't mean to say that.

1:17:21 Adam But I do love her and it's not about that. But you don't want to know her and you don't want to treat her like a human.

1:17:31 Guest Well, see what kind of happened was like, there we go. When it started going downhill was, you know, I got tired of trying and like it was always, it was always a big put down when she would, you know, project.

1:17:48 Adam Yeah.

1:17:49 Guest And it wouldn't go. Yeah. And she, you know, she didn't want to. And like the more she would, you know, play hard to get that, the more that would upset me and Where is she now?

1:18:00 Adam Let me talk to her.

1:18:01 Guest She's out of town right now.

1:18:04 Adam Where is she?

1:18:05 Guest She's out of town.

1:18:06 Adam What's she doing?

1:18:07 Guest For her, for her work.

1:18:08 Adam All right.

1:18:09 Drew What is she doing?

1:18:10 Guest I'm sorry?

1:18:10 Drew What is she doing?

1:18:12 Guest She's away on business.

1:18:13 Drew What is she doing?

1:18:14 Guest I'm sorry?

1:18:15 Adam For her work. Business for work, work business.

1:18:18 Guest She is in the banking business.

1:18:20 Caller All right.

1:18:21 Drew You are elusive, Jeff. Boy, like a slippery land. This is the way his thinking probably goes about her. Don't get, I don't want to, I don't want to.

1:18:28 Guest He's got to get down and dirty in their relationship. There's times when you just got to get in there and it's ugly and it's, but it's got to be done. You got to get to the root of the problem.

1:18:35 Guest You know, and there's something that also happens with women sometimes is a certain resentment thing.

1:18:42 Drew Oh yeah.

1:18:43 Guest That maybe, maybe she...

1:18:46 Drew Yeah, but she's really, but she's going way out of the normal bell curve.

1:18:50 Guest Eight months is a long time.

1:18:51 Guest Well yeah, but it could also be...

1:18:53 Adam You're humping the bell at the end of that eight months.

1:18:55 Drew But it is an amplification of that whole issue because of something.

1:18:59 Guest Yeah. Is it something that she expected she was going to get that she didn't get and she resents him for the fact of not being her Prince Charming?

1:19:05 Guest But she said right from the beginning this was not going to be a big part. So that suggests something earlier in her life.

1:19:11 Adam That's a good point. And Jeff's real sad.

1:19:14 Guest She said right at the beginning, hey buddy, this is what I'm saying.

1:19:16 Drew But this brings up an important thing that the guys need to recognize, that when you... Women feel objectified about their sexuality very easily. And if you keep... As guys get more biologically sort of driven, they do start objectifying. They can't help themselves. And women get resentful and pissed and get less likely to engage.

1:19:34 Guest Women can hold that forever, because it just builds in the opposite direction.

1:19:37 Drew So I agree, like that was going on here in this relationship, but because of some real hostility there, she wasn't willing to go past it, he didn't want to see it, and it stuck.

1:19:47 Guest I just have to imagine there was something she expected to happen at some point that didn't happen, you know, if it was some common thing, a dream or something that didn't occur, and she blames him for it occurring.

1:20:00 Adam All I know is Jeff's lucky she's out of town, because if we talked to her, we would have got the truth.

1:20:06 Guest He's not capable of handling this on his own, he's going to need, again, professional help to guide them through this, perhaps.

1:20:10 Adam If he just gets a team of people. And listen, weren't we just complaining during the break how the calls have been like playing handball against the Drapes? Can't get, she's out on business. What does she do? She's business, you know, I mean, it's, oh boy.

1:20:29 Drew It's all, it's sort of like thin air, everything's just grabbing at the shadows.

1:20:34 Adam Right, no more, no more of these long drawn out, painful, dead end calls. If I can't solve your problem in the first 30 seconds, you're gone. Alva?

1:20:42 Caller Hello?

1:20:43 Adam You're 18.

1:20:44 Caller Yeah.

1:20:44 Caller What's going on?

1:20:47 Caller I have a question about herpes. I was diagnosed with herpes about eight months ago. And my question is, is there any way that the gynecologist could have been wrong?

1:20:59 Drew Yes, it's not uncommon. It's a clinical diagnosis. And so, you know, if it's, if it doesn't recur, if the lesions weren't characteristic and the doctor sort of made a judgment call, if that's what it was, certainly.

1:21:14 Caller I mean, how, is there a sure way I can know if there's some kind of...

1:21:17 Drew No, no, really not.

1:21:19 Adam Wait, you already went to the gynecologist.

1:21:21 Drew There are cultures that can be done, but even that is not a sure way. Why? What happened?

1:21:26 Caller Well, I just, I mean, I strongly believe that I don't have it.

1:21:29 Guest Why?

1:21:31 Caller Well, just cause like, supposedly, they could diagnose it with the symptom, right?

1:21:36 Drew Yep, yep, yep. They have to see it. They have to see the lesions.

1:21:39 Caller Yeah, well, I got a symptom, but I didn't get it just out of nowhere. I got it cause I did something.

1:21:46 Caller Like, I had oral techs and I got this symptom.

1:21:49 Drew What was the symptom?

1:21:50 Caller It was like, I don't know what it's called. Which part of my body it was called? I don't know what it's called.

1:21:59 Drew All right, what did you get there?

1:22:00 Caller It was like, sort of swollen on one side of...

1:22:03 Drew The lips?

1:22:04 Caller Yeah, on one side.

1:22:06 Drew And painful?

1:22:07 Caller Only when I sat down.

1:22:09 Drew Okay, that's probably...

1:22:10 Caller Well, it wasn't painful.

1:22:11 Caller I was just uncomfortable.

1:22:12 Drew It's probably herpes. Huh? Probably herpes. And that's how you get herpes? And that's how they manifest themselves?

1:22:22 Caller So, probably that.

1:22:24 Drew Well, then the doctor saw it and looked at it. It sounds like it. It looks like it. The doctor said it was it. Probably it.

1:22:29 Right.

1:22:29 Drew Okay?

1:22:30 Caller Oh, okay.

1:22:31 Drew All right.

1:22:31 All right, Alva.

1:22:33 Guest Bye.

1:22:34 Adam Don't kill yourself or anything. But listen, if you go to the gynecologist, he tells you he got herpes, don't call Drew and try to talk him through it on the radio. Unless you're prepared to come down here and hop up on something, Drew is not going to be able to tell you any more than he was.

1:22:48 Drew Your serve. Our handball game.

1:22:51 Adam Yeah. We're just talking about that.

1:22:54 All right.

1:22:55 Adam I swear to God, I don't want to go to commercial.

1:22:57 Guest Adam is getting pissed now, people. All right?

1:22:59 Adam I'm pissed.

1:23:00 Guest I'm scared to go to the next call.

1:23:01 Adam I just want to talk to Jake, who's been on hold for 104 minutes.

1:23:05 Guest Hey, Adam.

1:23:06 Adam Jake.

1:23:06 Caller You are like the greatest.

1:23:08 Adam There we go. That's more like it.

1:23:10 Guest I don't know why. And I got this problem. And you're always talking about masturbating and stuff. And like I masturbate like three or four times a day. And like it hurts inside now. And I've been doing it since I was 13. And I was wondering, what's my problem?

1:23:29 Drew You masturbate too much.

1:23:32 Guest You said 30 seconds are under, Adam.

1:23:33 Adam Yeah.

1:23:34 Drew That's it.

1:23:35 Guest Hey, Adam.

1:23:36 Adam What?

1:23:36 Guest Can I get an autographed picture of you?

1:23:39 Adam Yeah.

1:23:40 Guest Can I give you my address?

1:23:41 Adam No. I'll know where to send it. I'm pretty intuitive this way.

1:23:47 Guest OK, well.

1:23:47 Adam I got a pretty gut feeling about where you live. I'm guessing Orange County.

1:23:52 Guest No, I live in, uh.

1:23:54 Adam Well, can't you move to Orange County? Where do you live?

1:23:57 Guest Kern County.

1:23:58 Adam Well, that's, that's, where is that?

1:24:00 Drew Another one syllable county.

1:24:01 Adam It's a county. It's a one syllable county.

1:24:05 Guest Hey, but I still think you were like the greatest.

1:24:07 Adam Thanks, Jake. Thank you. Easy on the penis, though, Jake. You're going to need it. You understand? Yeah. Wear that thing right down to a nub like I did. Boy, am I sorry. All right. So Jake, stop whacking off so much. And if you want a picture. How does he do that, Ann? Where's Ann? Ann's killing herself. I'll put you on hold and we'll do something. All right?

1:24:29 Caller All right. Thanks, Lynn.

1:24:30 Adam Watch out, Hyperion Bay, would you?

1:24:32 Caller Yeah.

1:24:32 Adam All right.

1:24:33 Guest Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm not sitting in my picture.

1:24:35 Adam Oh, yeah. There'd be a hole in it before he got it out of the envelope. Believe me. All right. Mike, come on, please. Don't mean my humor that way with those disgusting sound effects. Thank you.

1:24:47 Guest There we are.

1:24:49 Adam He's playing that because he realizes Sydney has a little crush on me. I understand.

1:24:53 Guest Keep dreaming, Ann.

1:24:53 Adam It's very natural.

1:24:56 Guest There we go.

1:24:58 Adam I'll play that one again because it's one of the greatest vomit sound effects ever.

1:25:04 Guest This was you last Christmas party, Adam, I'm guessing.

1:25:07 Adam Into the ice maker. All right. Now, this is in Tijuana. Well, I'll tell that story when we come back. Hey, it's Love Live. There we go. I've said it many time about the fabulous Westwood II Facility. It's really wonderful, because it really brings you back to your youth.

1:25:52 Drew All right, those are brand new headphones, moron.

1:25:54 Caller Don't break them, okay?

1:25:55 Drew It's not the headphones, it's the console.

1:25:57 Adam I think it's the jack.

1:25:58 Caller We told Drew to quit jacking it up with his chair.

1:26:00 Adam There it is.

1:26:01 Drew Where he's going to talk about how much we enjoy the fact that this is still some equipment that you can smack and get it to work again.

1:26:07 Adam Right, in today's age of computers, microchips, and high-resolution television and stuff, it's not like the old days when I had the metal zenith and when the picture on gun smoke would go a little fuzzy and I'd just whack it and my sister would sit on the sofa and go smack it again and then get some tin foil and put it up there. Now you can't do that anymore because technology, if you punch something, you'll break it. Oh yeah.

1:26:31 Guest You have no part of the fixing process.

1:26:33 Adam Right, this is the beauty of working for the Westwood 2 network here, is the stuff is so antiquated, so old, and so crappy that you can still punch it and it works. And absolutely, every time a mic shuts off or headphones go wack, you just whack this console or smack the mic and it goes back. I miss that. They ought to work that in to new stuff.

1:26:54 Guest Yeah. There should be a section right on the TV. This is where you hit, right here.

1:26:58 Adam Yeah. It's just a pad that you could punch for the old timers. Lord knows for the computer. I mean, you could use one for a computer.

1:27:07 Guest Oh, yeah.

1:27:08 Adam I would have like, I would kick that thing every time I turn it on.

1:27:11 Guest In video games.

1:27:13 Adam Write that down. So what have we figured out? I have, my inventions in life so far are the waterproof porn.

1:27:21 Guest Yeah, yeah.

1:27:21 Adam Which I think is huge. That's a big next year. I think it's going to be huge. The shotgun beer can, it's the can of beer.

1:27:28 Guest Oh, you don't have to punch in the hole yourself?

1:27:29 Adam It's got the tab on both sides. Oh, right.

1:27:32 Guest Yeah, see, because I used to use like, you know, whatever, a screwdriver and you have to use your forehead then to punch it in and that can be dangerous after a couple.

1:27:37 Adam Yeah, and as Canadians, after they got drunk, they tried it with a bottle and then people got hurt.

1:27:42 Guest That's how I lost my front teeth. You know, I'm Canadian.

1:27:45 Adam No one in Canada has their front teeth. It's either from hockey or drinking beer while they're riding a horse. All right, where were we now? Oh, my other invention. The dogs, the dogs, the crotch sniffing dogs. These are venereal sniffing dogs. You can teach dogs to sniff anything, anything they can smell. Why not let them sniff the crotch?

1:28:07 Guest And then our last caller wouldn't have had to call in.

1:28:10 Adam Absolutely. Chasing dog chases its tails herpes. That's it.

1:28:14 Guest There it is.

1:28:14 Adam The other one. Here's my other one. Yeah, I'm scared to even talk about this on the radio. The seatbelt sash. You know what I mean?

1:28:21 Guest No.

1:28:23 Adam You attach it to your seatbelt, the shoulder harness.

1:28:26 Guest Oh, so it doesn't look like you're wearing a seatbelt.

1:28:27 Adam Miss USA.

1:28:28 Caller You know what I mean?

1:28:30 Guest Or advertising. Hell.

1:28:31 Adam You drive a Budweiser.

1:28:32 Guest That's what it would be.

1:28:33 Adam You might get pulled over.

1:28:34 Guest You should not have mentioned that one.

1:28:36 Adam Yeah, that's a good one. That's why I had a trademark, you bastards.

1:28:39 Drew Oh, good.

1:28:41 Guest You have taxi cabs? You could get some advertising back, see?

1:28:44 Adam This is a winner.

1:28:45 Guest That is a big one.

1:28:47 Adam It's that red taffeta and it says Miss Kentucky on it or Miss Virginia.

1:28:52 Drew No, no, it just says Budweiser or Marlboro.

1:28:55 Guest That's a big thing. I'm serious. I'm taking that one.

1:28:57 Guest And how about airbags? You know, the last thing you see before you go right out.

1:29:02 Guest Big fat loser.

1:29:07 Adam Yeah.

1:29:07 Guest It's just something like, take a nap.

1:29:09 Adam And it's great because you'd go into the great beyond with that big Budweiser logo just imprinted on your forehead. That's right.

1:29:16 Guest It would be sort of a low relief thing. It would leave a print on the forehead.

1:29:21 Adam What is that?

1:29:21 Drew Oh, we're going to start with one.

1:29:24 Adam All right. Jake. Hello. You think these are the headphones? Hello. All right. Hold on to it, Jake. Hey, Drew, can you go on with the show? Yeah.

1:29:35 Drew Jake. Jake was worrying about his genitalia ending hurting too much because he masturbated three times a day.

1:29:39 Adam Oh, really? I was done with him.

1:29:41 Drew All right.

1:29:41 Adam Stop whacking off so much, Jake.

1:29:43 Drew There you go.

1:29:43 Guest All right. Hey.

1:29:44 Adam That kind of competition. Hey.

1:29:48 Guest You said you were going to give me the producer's answer.

1:29:50 Drew That's why he's still here. He's holding.

1:29:52 Adam Put you on hold. Get his address or just give him our address and he can send an envelope in.

1:29:58 Guest I think Jake's ever done drugs. I don't know. From the sound of that voice.

1:30:01 Drew 16.

1:30:01 Guest 16.

1:30:02 Drew Yeah, like 48.

1:30:02 Guest That's quite a burnout.

1:30:03 Drew Nancy.

1:30:04 Adam Look out, Jake. Look how long. I don't know if you can read it.

1:30:06 Guest Yeah, I can see here.

1:30:07 Adam Look how long Jake was on hold. That's 113 minutes.

1:30:10 Guest That's impressive.

1:30:12 Adam That is sad.

1:30:13 Guest Powers of concentration.

1:30:14 Drew Nancy.

1:30:15 Caller Yeah. Hi.

1:30:16 Adam What's going on?

1:30:16 Caller You guys. Thanks. How are you doing?

1:30:20 Adam So we're at that weird pace thing again. What? Thank you. How are you doing? Good.

1:30:25 Caller What? Good.

1:30:26 Adam Just ask the question.

1:30:27 Caller Okay. Dr. Drew, I was, I subscribed to a book that Christine Northrup, women's bodies, women's wisdom. I thought to stand on that was Dr. Miss, M-Y-S-S.

1:30:44 Drew Carolyn Miss.

1:30:45 Caller Yeah. I kind of messed up in this with your screener, but I just saw her name on the bottom of the book.

1:30:53 Drew Okay. What's the question?

1:30:54 Caller Well, I really didn't have a question. I just wanted to get your view on it. Are you familiar with the women's body women?

1:31:02 Drew I'm familiar with her stuff. Yes.

1:31:03 Caller Yeah. I think it's wonderful. I just started to get into the book. I think it's great.

1:31:09 Adam What's the book say?

1:31:09 Guest Explain to our viewers.

1:31:10 Caller It's basically an masterpiece for every woman who has an interest in her body, her mind.

1:31:17 Adam Oh, no. Not one of these rhythm things.

1:31:20 Drew No, it's worse.

1:31:21 Adam You can only hump when coyotes are on their period and that kind of stuff.

1:31:26 Caller Hey, Adam, quit whacking. No, I'm sorry.

1:31:30 Adam Hey, Nancy. Wait a minute. Hold on. Nutty Nancy.

1:31:33 Caller I do have a question.

1:31:34 Drew Actually, let me not to disparage her stuff. I've listened to her stuff and read some of her stuff. And it does, you know, it's another system for looking at and understanding things for human behavior and whatnot and human experience. And it's interesting when it's done well, when those sorts of examinations are done well, they all end up at the same place with the same conclusions with very similar language. And a lot of her stuff goes into the same kind of thing we talk about here. She just uses a different system for examining.

1:32:05 Caller There you go. This book is at least five inches thick.

1:32:10 Drew I know.

1:32:11 Caller I'm not exaggerating.

1:32:12 Drew I know. She's very...

1:32:12 Caller Oh, yeah. Heavy. And I'm just getting started and I'll probably be retired by the time I finish it. Okay.

1:32:17 Drew Enjoy.

1:32:17 Caller Anyway...

1:32:18 Adam It's written on bark, though, is what Nancy's not telling us. Nancy.

1:32:22 Caller Yes.

1:32:22 Adam What's your deal? You're driving your kids nuts with this crap?

1:32:26 Caller No, no, no, no. I'm just getting started, so that's later.

1:32:29 Adam Do you have kids?

1:32:30 Caller I have a 17-year-old.

1:32:32 Adam Oh, boy.

1:32:32 Caller Is that a girl? He's focused. He's playing football. He's almost got a 4.0 GPA.

1:32:40 Adam That's out of date, by the way.

1:32:42 Caller Go ahead.

1:32:44 Caller Dr. Drew, you said something about perpetual liars. You said something about their, I don't know, you labeled them as?

1:32:54 Drew Sociopath.

1:32:55 Caller A what?

1:32:55 Drew Sociopath.

1:32:57 Caller That is? Could you extend on that?

1:32:59 Drew People that basically don't identify anything other than their own needs and impulses. Nothing else really matters except what they need.

1:33:06 Adam Yeah.

1:33:06 Drew And so if they need to lie, they lie.

1:33:08 Adam Yeah. Sociopaths, athletes, politicians.

1:33:10 Caller How about, let's see here, different personalities? Does that play a role?

1:33:16 Drew Multiples? Multiples lie, but just...

1:33:19 Adam All right. What are you getting at, Nancy?

1:33:21 Caller Well, just, I'm kind of trying to understand my ex.

1:33:25 Drew Oh.

1:33:25 Caller Maybe, you know, why, I don't know. Maybe just to kind of, I don't know, I don't understand why I went into that relationship. I am now out, but, you know, just kind of listening to you guys. I'm a long time listener.

1:33:37 Adam Well, your parents were screwy, so you chased a screwy guy.

1:33:40 Caller Exactly. I know that.

1:33:41 Adam All right.

1:33:41 Caller Well, all right.

1:33:42 Adam Now, keep reading that chakra book. I gotta masturbate, okay?

1:33:47 Caller I'm gonna continue. Yeah, all right. Let's see here.

1:33:50 Adam That's enough.

1:33:52 Caller I want an oligraph picture, please.

1:33:53 Adam Oh, please. I knew this would start.

1:33:55 Drew See what you did now.

1:33:56 Adam We gotta nip this in the butt, man. It says, please.

1:34:01 Drew Nancy next to the call. Nancy was nice.

1:34:03 Adam Yeah, Nancy was nice. Nutty nice, but nice. I swear to God.

1:34:07 Drew By the way, no one's nutty nice. What's wrong?

1:34:09 Adam Oh, absolutely. There is nothing wrong with nutty nice.

1:34:13 Drew The problem with nuttiness right now in our society, nuttiness is usually a central feature of nuttiness in today's culture is hostility.

1:34:20 Adam Right. I was yelling about this, I don't know where, a couple of days ago, I think we were hosting TalkSoup a couple of days ago, and I was yelling, what happened to the good old days when nutballs just thought they were Napoleon? You know what I mean?

1:34:32 Guest The good old days.

1:34:32 Adam The good old days.

1:34:33 Guest It was harmless, and they just, you know, flap around a little bit in public perhaps.

1:34:37 Adam Crazy people just thought they were Napoleon, so we threw a net over them and dragged them to the funny farm, and they just ran around with their hand tucked into the front of their jacket, thinking they were the short leader. Whatever happened in those days? Now everyone's nuts and they got right.

1:34:54 Drew And it's your fault, yeah.

1:34:55 Adam And it's our fault.

1:34:55 Guest And a.45.

1:34:56 Adam All right. Oh yes, .45 ounce and a.45 caliber as well. Great. All right. We're living in a great country. I'm going to urinate, and we'll be back.

1:35:21 Guest We're not keeping you up, are we?

1:35:23 Caller I'm pitching a tent. Oh, that's good.

1:35:24 Caller Oh, that's good.

1:35:26 Drew It's Love Line.

1:35:37 Adam All right, I just want to apologize. Runeet?

1:35:41 Drew Runeet?

1:35:42 Caller Yeah.

1:35:42 Adam You're 16. Sorry, we can't talk to you tonight. I know you've been on hold for over an hour.

1:35:46 Caller Yeah.

1:35:47 Adam I apologize.

1:35:47 Caller Okay.

1:35:48 Adam We'll put you first up on Sunday.

1:35:49 Caller Okay.

1:35:50 Adam All right, hang on. Would you?

1:35:51 Caller Yeah.

1:35:52 Adam Talk to Sherry. Sherry or Ann? Sorry, Runeet.

1:35:54 Drew Oh my God, Ben Stein.

1:35:57 Caller This is Ben Loveline. The views expressed on Loveline are not necessarily those of the staff, the management, or the sponsors of this radio station. They're probably not the views of Westwood One Entertainment. Loveline is produced by Ann Wilkin Zingel. Now, please listen to this station longer.

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Thursday, November 5, 1998