Episode 1000754887483

2:05 And life gets just a little bit better in only 20 seconds. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6.

2:28 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew. I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you. Loveline.

2:43 Drew Yes, it is. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-8-5-4-44-55. I'm Adam Corolla, this is Dr. Drew, Dr. Drew's Board Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist, Kelly. Darren and the lovable John are all in here from Goldfinger tonight.

3:02 Adam It's Kelly John and the lovable Darren.

3:04 Drew That's right.

3:05 Adam Isn't that right?

3:06 Drew The squeezable, humpable Darren.

3:09 Adam Yeah, baby.

3:11 Drew And I'm glad to see you guys as usual. I wasn't in here last night and you guys weren't on the schedule as of Thursday last week when I left, so I didn't know what to expect, but always a delight to see Goldfinger.

3:25 Goldfinger Last night as I was ending the show, I realized it was written up there in like invisible ink, so it might have been up there for a while. This thing is from tonight.

3:34 Drew All right. True, that made zero sense.

3:37 Adam Invisible ink.

3:38 Goldfinger The point is it may have been written up there for a week.

3:40 Drew No. Did not see Goldfinger.

3:42 Adam These headphones suck.

3:44 Drew Yes, they do. They look good though, dude. Listen, everything in Westwood 2 sucks. Everything except for the interns. All right. I get it. Thank you very much. The new CD is called Stompin Ground. It is out tomorrow and as anyone who's listened to Loveline for any length of time knows, Goldfinger is not only a great band but a great friend of the shows and you should all go out and get this CD tomorrow. We're going to hear-

4:11 Adam By three or four.

4:13 Drew Yeah. We're going to hear some stuff off of it tonight. We're also thanked in the liner notes. My name first as it should be.

4:22 Yo, big up, yo.

4:23 Drew Yeah. That is cool. You know you've arrived. Even though there are several hundred other names on there, most of which are before us, it doesn't matter. I'm in there and this is the kind of thing that really could have got me late a few years ago. You know what I mean?

4:39 Goldfinger That's pathetic. We'll talk about it.

4:41 Drew Use it now.

4:42 Goldfinger That's pathetic.

4:42 Drew All right. I still may. Yeah. Very good. I'm going to need that for the car.

4:46 Adam You can say you're on the Goldfinger liner notes, you're on the 1-800-Collect commercials, you're in.

4:50 Drew That's right. Didn't we get Dank somewhere else? Oh, it must have been Corn.

4:57 Nambla.

4:58 Drew Yeah, you were. Nambla and Corn. Yeah, you were. Nambla came out with that Best Of compilation Christmas CD, I think.

5:05 It's Snowing Young Boys.

5:08 Adam Is that a song?

5:08 Drew That's right. Small Nuts Roasting on an Open Farm.

5:14 Adam My special powers, I fell over some power lines.

5:17 Drew I want to give some tour dates too, by the way, where you can find Goldfinger coming up. Man, this is coming up. Oh man, you guys got a full plate. Yeah, Goldfinger's back with a Vengeance. Oh man. What's VT?

5:35 Vermont.

5:35 Drew Oh, that is Vermont. Yeah, all right. I never see Vermont abbreviated.

5:38 Adam That's a disease you get on your balls.

5:40 Venereal torts.

5:41 Drew I never see Vermont abbreviated, or maybe no band that's ever come in here has ever played Vermont.

5:47 Adam Vermont rips.

5:48 Drew Yeah. Well, it's going to rock on April 16th when Goldfinger and their posse rolls into Burlington and burns that goddamn house.

5:56 Adam Brings the house down. There is one house in Vermont, just one house.

6:00 Drew And it's going to burn it down.

6:01 Bringing a hacky sack.

6:02 Drew They'll be in Rhode Island on the 18th. The 19th will be in Philadelphia.

6:06 Goldfinger It's the Triumphant New England Tour.

6:08 Drew Yeah. New Jersey on the 20th, 21st. They'll be in Boston, Hartford on the 22nd, Toronto on the 24th. You guys are going to kill yourselves. You're way too old for this. Buffalo on the 25th, 26th. They'll be in Washington DC, Cincinnati on the 30th, and then comes May, Columbus, Phoenix, and Tucson. Oh man.

6:28 Adam Columbus to Phoenix.

6:30 But tomorrow, tomorrow, Pomona, baby.

6:32 Drew Oh yeah.

6:33 It's on.

6:33 Drew Pomona. Game on.

6:34 The Glass House.

6:37 Drew For those of you who aren't from this part of the country, this part of Los Angeles, Southern California, Pomona is considered the garden spot of this region.

6:48 It's kind of like upstate New York.

6:50 Drew Yeah. I like Pomona. It is picturesque over there.

6:53 It's beautiful.

6:54 Adam Scenic.

6:55 Drew And Goldfinger will be in there at the Glass House tomorrow night. Well, we'll hear something off the CD. Any Warped tours or joining up with any other bands?

7:06 My duet tour is with Slipknot, hopefully. Abbey Rad.

7:10 Drew And when would that be? Over the summer? Well, it would have to be.

7:13 Adam John wants Slipknot. I'm hoping for Mandy Moore.

7:15 Drew Oh, yeah. Yeah.

7:18 Adam What's the other one?

7:18 Who's Mandy Moore?

7:19 Drew Jessica.

7:21 Adam Marge Simpson.

7:23 Oh, she's the little young chick that's like a hottie-bottie karate.

7:26 Drew Right.

7:28 I know her.

7:28 Kay?

7:30 Drew Kay.

7:31 Hi.

7:31 Drew You're 21.

7:32 Caller Yes.

7:33 Drew What's up?

7:33 Hi. I've been in a relationship for over a year now, and I'll go like a week to two weeks without wanting sex, and I don't really know if it's normal or...

7:49 Goldfinger Is it normal for you, do you think?

7:51 I don't know. I mean, it just has always happened.

7:57 Goldfinger It has always happened?

7:58 Yeah.

7:58 Goldfinger So therefore it's normal for you? Yeah.

8:01 Drew Okay. So this is part of your normal pattern, is what Drew is saying.

8:05 Yes.

8:06 Goldfinger And you think it's just your biology once every week or two is plenty for you? It's not that you're...

8:12 Well, not once every week or two, but like, I'll have sex like on a normal basis, but then like a week or two will go past where...

8:22 Drew All right. I just don't care.

8:23 Goldfinger I don't care.

8:24 Drew That's the world's crampiest prank.

8:25 Caller Obama getting it once a week, what a ripoff.

8:27 Goldfinger Yeah. She won't answer the question.

8:29 Drew I don't... Even if she does, it's not a good question. I don't know.

8:33 Adam Way to pick it out.

8:34 Drew Stop smoking pot.

8:37 Goldfinger Either she has got problems with the relationship and that's why she's coming down. That's just normal.

8:42 Adam Drew feels bad that you hung up on her.

8:44 You just hang up or she has to hold...

8:46 Drew I put her on hold.

8:47 Oh, that's cool.

8:47 Drew Kay.

8:49 Yeah?

8:49 Drew You having any problems with your current man? No. Are you depressed?

8:53 No. I don't think so.

8:54 Drew All right. You on any drugs? No. All right. You're fine then. Okay. That's your cadence. That's all right. That's all you need it.

9:00 Caller Just take the Spanish fly. You'll be all right.

9:02 Yeah.

9:03 Goldfinger I wonder what it came down from.

9:05 Drew What was it?

9:06 I don't know.

9:08 Goldfinger What do you think you should be doing?

9:12 I just don't think that I should just not want to have sex with him.

9:16 Goldfinger Well, how often do you think you should want to?

9:19 Well, I...

9:20 Goldfinger Just answer the question.

9:21 Drew No, no.

9:22 Caller Forget it.

9:23 Goldfinger I knew Adam would cut that one out.

9:25 Adam Get ready.

9:27 Drew 17. The band has ADD, so you're going to have to spit that question out. It's going to have to do with anal sex, right?

9:33 What?

9:33 Adam Anal sex?

9:34 Drew Let's see. I think Darren has ADDD. It's going to be like an extra D in there.

9:42 This is our dangerous Darren.

9:44 Adam You should have been on the plane. You got to punctuate them.

9:47 Caller You should have been on the plane with him today. I wanted to throw him out. The stewardess wanted to throw him out. I was flipping people off. People in front of him wanted to throw him out.

9:54 Adam I was throwing turkey at people. I almost marquered someone while Matt was sleeping.

9:59 Caller He went into the bathroom and pulled out those big feminine napkins and had them taped to his forehead and thought it was funny.

10:08 Goldfinger Katrina's gone. Hey, we're having quite a night.

10:10 Katrina?

10:11 Drew All right. Let's see. We're batting zero. Leah? Yeah. You're 16? What's up?

10:19 Caller I have a question about this dream that I had.

10:24 I was in my front yard, and my boyfriend's car pulls up. It's like his ex-girlfriend's in there. Yeah. He just comes out and tries to attack me. Then I take her down and start beating her up and then whatever. He comes around the back of the car and comes and kicks me in the face. That's when I wake up.

10:40 Drew All right.

10:40 Goldfinger Fascinating.

10:41 Caller That's easy.

10:42 Drew Yeah. Has this ever happened? No. No.

10:45 Goldfinger You don't have any physical?

10:47 Adam I think I can take this dream apart.

10:48 Goldfinger Yeah.

10:48 Drew Go ahead, Darren.

10:50 Adam You and your boyfriend and your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, is that what it is? She'd all have a rough sex threesome. I think that's what it is.

10:58 Drew The car represents the penis, the lawn represents the penis. The girlfriend represents the penis and the shoe that your boyfriend kicked with represents the male phallus as well. The sky and the mailbox all represent the penis and so is the front door.

11:15 Caller And the ex-girlfriend's face is the anus.

11:17 Drew That's the anus. Yeah, the anus. Leah?

11:19 Caller What?

11:20 Goldfinger Don't worry about it.

11:21 Drew It's no big deal. You can dream what you want. Does your boyfriend, does he ever kick you around?

11:25 Caller No.

11:26 Drew He's a nice guy? Yeah. All right. Stop wasting our time.

11:29 Caller You're feeling insecure about the ex-girlfriend.

11:31 Drew My God. These are the crampiest calls.

11:32 Caller You guys are making these, everyone healthy out there, man.

11:34 Drew That's right. Hey, Drew, that's a...

11:36 Caller You cured them all.

11:37 Drew That's a good point John has brought up. We may have, we may have unwillingly or unknowingly shot ourselves in the foot here by curing the entire population.

11:46 Caller You'll have to do a reversal and have them cure us now.

11:50 Goldfinger Or just start stirring up trouble.

11:51 Drew Yeah, I think we should give out bad advice for the next three or four years. Screw everyone up and create a market for ourselves.

11:57 Caller You can hire Darren to be your doctor.

11:59 Adam Yeah, baby.

11:59 Drew Oh, he'd do it.

12:00 Adam Mr. Bad Advice.

12:01 Drew Am I talking to this first, Andrew?

12:03 Goldfinger I think so. We lost the name, though.

12:04 Drew Why?

12:04 Goldfinger What's your name?

12:06 Drew Okay. See, this isn't going to work.

12:08 Martha.

12:09 Drew I drew one of the worst nights we've ever... Oh, I screwed that up. Okay. Melissa.

12:14 Yeah.

12:15 Drew You're 16.

12:16 Caller Yeah.

12:16 Caller What's up?

12:18 Caller I think I'm falling in love with my best friend.

12:20 Drew Female or male?

12:22 Caller I'm female. He's male. I'm female.

12:24 Adam Oh, I thought it was going to start getting good.

12:26 Drew Yeah. We got to move on.

12:27 Caller Come on.

12:27 Adam Come on.

12:30 Drew All right. Melissa?

12:31 Caller Yeah.

12:32 Drew Yeah. So, fine. Is he like you?

12:35 Caller I don't know. He sends me mixed signals all the time.

12:39 Goldfinger Okay. That would be... No. Yeah.

12:41 Drew Guys are pretty good about letting you know if they like you. Although once in a while, there's a 16, 17-year-old guy that has a little difficulty coming out of his shell. How old is he?

12:51 Caller He's 16.

12:52 Goldfinger But she wouldn't be attracted to that guy.

12:54 Drew Yeah. What has this guy done? How long have you known him?

12:58 Caller Three years.

12:58 Drew Three years. He's never made a move?

13:01 Yeah, he has.

13:02 Drew He has.

13:02 Goldfinger Tell us about that.

13:03 Caller He kissed me about a year ago, and after that, we started fighting.

13:09 Caller Oh, yeah.

13:11 Caller But now we're like friends again and everything, but it's like, I don't know, he's more eager to be friends now.

13:19 Drew Does he have a girlfriend?

13:21 Caller Not anymore.

13:23 Drew So he's single.

13:24 Adam Because you killed her.

13:25 Drew You're single.

13:27 Caller Uh-huh.

13:29 Drew Do it.

13:30 Adam Is this strike three, dude?

13:31 Drew I don't need like the ten minute, uh-huh.

13:32 Adam This is strike four.

13:34 Caller Last time people were crying, man.

13:35 Drew Yeah, somebody call up and cry. I don't know. You like the guy, 16, he's single, just ask him out.

13:41 Goldfinger And if not, make it clear to him you want to maintain the friendship.

13:44 Drew All right.

13:44 Goldfinger If he's not in the mood.

13:45 Caller Exactly.

13:45 Drew All right. Where are we going now, Drew?

13:47 Adam Can I pick one?

13:48 Goldfinger Yeah.

13:48 Drew Yeah. Go ahead, David.

13:50 Adam Gets really angry after sex.

13:52 Caller Oh, that's a good one.

13:53 Adam Yeah.

13:53 Drew Sounds good. Dan?

13:54 Caller Darren can relate to that.

13:55 Drew Yeah.

13:59 Adam Oh, damn it.

14:01 Drew Yeah.

14:02 Caller I hate coming.

14:03 Drew Oh, man. Look at the hamper. It's a mess.

14:06 Caller I killed millions of children.

14:08 Drew Dan? Yeah. You're 14? Yep.

14:11 Adam You sound angry. Do you just have sex?

14:12 Goldfinger 14?

14:14 What?

14:15 Drew You're 14, Dan?

14:17 Caller Yeah. Well.

14:18 Drew Yeah?

14:19 Caller 15. Close enough.

14:22 Drew All right. You're 15?

14:23 Caller Yeah.

14:24 Drew Okay. And what's up? You just, you were just driving a cattle truck from Oklahoma into Michigan and you smoked six cartons of menthol cigarettes on the way in and then banged a couple of hookers and got high on speed and punched out your old lady.

14:43 Caller This kind of sounds like his life.

14:45 Drew He's 15. Dan?

14:48 Caller Yeah.

14:48 Drew Yeah. You're having sex?

14:51 Caller Yeah.

14:52 Drew With a woman?

14:54 Caller Yeah, preferably.

14:55 Drew Yeah. And you have a girlfriend?

14:58 Caller Actually, I got two at the moment, but. Stud.

15:01 Drew Two at the moment.

15:02 Goldfinger What's your question?

15:03 Caller I was just wondering why I get pissed off, like, after I had sex.

15:08 Drew Because it's over?

15:10 Goldfinger You get angry at the woman?

15:12 Caller No, actually. No, actually, it's like tearing up my relationships, because, you know, they don't have sex with me, like, after that. No more.

15:20 Goldfinger Who were you angry with?

15:22 Caller I don't know. I'm just, like, angry.

15:23 Drew All right. You're angry after sex because you're not getting any more sex?

15:28 Goldfinger Or it's just some sort of reaction you get?

15:30 Caller They quit boning you?

15:31 Caller Yeah, it's like a reaction.

15:33 Drew What if you masturbate? Do you get angry?

15:35 Adam He gets his bum then.

15:36 Caller Just gets a little ticked.

15:37 Adam He gets a little bummed out.

15:40 Caller Little teed off.

15:40 Adam Yeah.

15:41 Goldfinger You get angry?

15:42 Caller No.

15:42 Drew No, you don't.

15:43 Goldfinger So only when you're with a woman?

15:45 Caller Yeah.

15:45 Drew Then what do you do when you get angry?

15:48 Caller I usually just take a walk.

15:50 Drew Okay. That sounds all right. That's a healthy thing to do. What if you just hung out with them for a little bit? Cuddle. You have two girlfriends?

15:58 Caller Yeah.

15:59 Drew How old are they?

16:01 Caller Older than me.

16:04 Adam Strike five, bro. This one had the potential.

16:06 Caller He goes for walks, man. Wow.

16:09 Drew I don't know. What's up?

16:10 Adam Let's light up the board, people. Come on.

16:12 Caller It's a Monday.

16:13 Drew Talk to six people. They've all been just total busts. Darren, you got another one?

16:19 Caller Let's get some anal sex.

16:21 Adam Vagina on the bumps. No. Bumps on the vagina. That one had potential. Dan had potential.

16:27 Drew Wants to hurt boyfriend during hand job. That sounds good.

16:31 Adam What? There we go.

16:33 Drew Molly?

16:34 Caller Yes.

16:34 Drew You're 21?

16:35 Caller Yes. I've been in a relationship for about a year now.

16:39 Drew Drew's going for his wallet.

16:41 Caller I'm sorry.

16:42 Adam Is this the one? Is this the wager?

16:44 Drew We got to talk a little more. Keep talking, Molly.

16:50 Caller A few days ago, I was giving him my hand job and I got this overwhelming feeling like I wanted to hurt him.

16:57 Drew You want to pull it off?

16:59 Caller Yeah, like hurt him. I hated it. I hated it. And he didn't even ask me to do it. I offered.

17:05 Adam Is this the one?

17:06 Drew Yeah. We're gambling on you, Molly.

17:10 Caller You're gambling on me?

17:11 Caller Yeah. About what?

17:13 Drew I don't know. We're going to get to it, though. I'll tell you that much.

17:16 All right?

17:17 Drew Okay. Oh, look at me. I'm such a high roller. Thank God we got a big pocket on me.

17:21 Look at Kelly.

17:22 Adam Quarters.

17:23 Drew Oh, that is pathetic.

17:25 Adam Shrapnel.

17:25 Caller Thank you.

17:26 Drew Is everyone in now?

17:28 Adam I fronted for time.

17:29 Drew I get to change. I get Kelly's change. All right. Hold on, Molly.

17:32 Caller Okay.

17:33 Drew You're 21?

17:34 Caller Yes.

17:34 Drew You're out of the house?

17:35 Caller Yes.

17:36 Drew You gave your boyfriend a hand job. You wanted to pull it off? Yes.

17:40 Caller Well, I've always had the feeling that I was sexually molested when I was younger.

17:46 Adam Money rides. Money rides.

17:48 Drew It'll roll over to the next person it calls in, Molly. But you've always had the feeling?

17:54 Caller I've always had the feeling, but I have no recollection of it whatsoever.

17:56 Drew All right. Hold on a second.

17:58 Adam No, it's ruined. We can't salvage it.

18:00 Goldfinger I think there's more.

18:01 Drew You think there's more?

18:02 Goldfinger No, but it's too easy.

18:04 Drew Okay. Well, we'll still leave the money in the pot then.

18:07 Goldfinger Were you also physically abused?

18:09 Caller No.

18:09 Goldfinger Not at all?

18:10 Caller No.

18:10 Drew Who do you think sexually abused you?

18:14 Caller I remember when I was younger, I told my mom that I was afraid of my father, but I have a good relationship with my father now, so I don't know if it was anything to do with my father's side of the family.

18:25 Adam Uncle Joe Bob Jim?

18:26 Caller I've always had that feeling.

18:27 Goldfinger Or just men in general.

18:29 Caller Yeah. I've always been standoffish towards guys in my first long-term relationship.

18:34 Drew Yeah. You like this guy?

18:36 Caller Yes. A lot.

18:37 Adam You've had sex with him?

18:39 Caller Yes.

18:39 Adam But only when you give him the hand job do you want to kill him?

18:43 Caller I hate the sex.

18:45 Drew Oh, you do?

18:45 Caller Yes.

18:46 Adam See? We could have dove deep in this.

18:48 Drew We probably could have.

18:48 Caller Game on.

18:49 Adam No, not game on.

18:50 Drew It's too deep. All right. So why do you think you hate sex so much?

18:54 Caller I don't enjoy it whatsoever. I don't get any good feelings.

18:58 Drew I see. That's why you hate it so much, because you don't enjoy it. Interesting insight. So you're saying the reason why you hate sex so much because you don't like it.

19:06 Caller Yeah, I don't get bad feelings.

19:09 Drew I see. Let's replace sex with liver and just ask the same question. Why is it you hate liver so much? Because you don't like it, right?

19:17 Caller I don't like it.

19:18 Goldfinger I don't enjoy it.

19:19 Drew Okay. All right. Well, I think I can form an answer based on that information. Molly?

19:26 Goldfinger Yes.

19:26 Drew It seems like something happened to you.

19:28 Goldfinger Yeah.

19:29 Drew You're not Jewish, are you?

19:30 Goldfinger No.

19:31 Caller Okay.

19:31 Drew Well, she's got excuses. That would explain a lot.

19:34 Goldfinger But I suspect there's more going on with her fan within just a single event.

19:39 Caller There's a line of depression, but I'm on Prozac now. I thought that might be part of it, but it hasn't done anything.

19:47 Goldfinger Well, it certainly could be why you're not into sex, where Prozac will shut you down completely.

19:52 Caller That's what, yeah. But like even just the intimacy, I love my boyfriend more than anything, but with any sexual touch he makes towards me, I don't like it.

20:02 Drew All right. Why don't you get a little therapy and look into this, because it definitely means something. How about oral sex? You do that?

20:10 Caller Yeah.

20:11 Drew Oh boy. This guy doesn't know.

20:13 Caller Yeah, yeah. Before you give him another mercy jerk, get help. If he doesn't know.

20:18 Drew All right.

20:18 Caller Okay.

20:19 Adam Teeth bad.

20:20 Drew Right.

20:21 Adam Keep that in mind.

20:21 Drew If you actually, though, tried to pull the guy's penis off, he probably, most guys would enjoy it for the first like minute.

20:28 Caller Until he caught on.

20:29 Drew To three minutes. Yeah. It was like, oh, oh, frisky.

20:33 Caller Yeah.

20:33 Drew You want to play Rob?

20:34 Caller Yeah.

20:36 Drew And even then, it'd be like, well, she was trying to pull my penis out by the roots, but I was this close to coming. So I had a decision to make, and I decided just to sort of lay back and ride it out. Oh, man. Yeah, definitely something's going on with Molly.

20:54 Caller Oh, yeah.

20:54 Drew And by the way, where do you, how do you just sort of get that vibe that your dad or, you know, someone may have done something to you?

21:01 Caller Success.

21:01 Drew You know what I mean? I mean, if you grew up, if you grew up around nothing, where would you get that idea? There's a couple of people that are, that are crazy enough to manufacture it. But I mean, you know what I'm saying? Why would you have that sort of a sneaking feeling that someone did something?

21:17 Caller You could probably just block it out, I would imagine.

21:19 Drew I think that's what Molly may have done. Rosie?

21:22 Yeah, hi.

21:22 Drew Hey, you're 16. What's up?

21:23 Caller Hi, Adam. I love you to death.

21:25 Drew That's good. Come over and pull my penis off.

21:28 Goldfinger No, I won't do that.

21:29 Drew Listen, it wouldn't take much.

21:31 Goldfinger He's not saying don't do it.

21:33 Drew You sneeze while you give me a hand job so I will come off. There's not much holding it on.

21:38 I love you too, Dr. Drew.

21:39 Adam Hi, Goldfinger.

21:40 Drew Hello. It's like a spider's leg, my penis, you know?

21:43 Adam My name's Rosie, dude. Get it?

21:46 Drew Hi, Rosie. What's going on?

21:47 Caller Okay, there's this guy in my school and he asked me out last week and I don't like him at all. And then today, people, all my friends kept coming up to me and telling me that he said he was gonna take me to some hotel and have sex with me. And I wouldn't really care that much. I actually like knew him or something. But I'm really, really threatened by this because it's happened like before.

22:07 Goldfinger What do you mean?

22:08 Caller Someone's like forced me before.

22:09 Goldfinger You've been raped? Yeah. Before as though more than once?

22:14 Caller One time.

22:14 Goldfinger One other time?

22:15 Caller Yeah.

22:16 How long ago?

22:17 Caller I was four.

22:18 Goldfinger Four?

22:19 Drew Four?

22:19 Caller Yeah.

22:20 Goldfinger So this guy has a sense that you're a good victim?

22:23 Caller Yeah.

22:24 Goldfinger Four?

22:24 Drew Who did this to you when you were four?

22:26 Caller My dad.

22:27 Goldfinger Really?

22:27 Drew Where is he now?

22:29 Caller He walked out on me and my sister when I was 11.

22:31 Drew Oh, boy. And he did it one time at four.

22:34 Caller That I remember, but I block out a lot. My memory basically begins at like seven, but I remember bits and pieces from when I was younger.

22:40 Goldfinger Why was he still around until you were 11?

22:43 Caller I don't know. He's a really weird guy. He just didn't want to pay child support anymore, so he ran off and quit changing jobs. I don't know. He's insane.

22:52 Goldfinger Where's your mom?

22:53 Caller I live with my grandmother in California. She lives back home in Cleveland.

22:56 Goldfinger And why wasn't your mom taking care of you?

22:59 Caller I just didn't have a really good relationship with my mother or any of my sisters.

23:02 Caller I live with this at all.

23:03 Drew Wow.

23:03 Goldfinger Lots of missing pieces here.

23:05 Caller Yes.

23:06 Drew But they're all bad.

23:07 Caller Yeah.

23:07 Drew All right. So have you ever got any counseling for this?

23:11 Caller Yeah, I have. I'm in therapy right now.

23:13 Drew That's good. Are your grandparents sending you to therapy?

23:16 Caller Yeah.

23:17 Goldfinger You've been hospitalized before?

23:19 Caller Yes, I have four times.

23:20 Goldfinger Psychiatric hospitals. Psychiatric hospitalizations.

23:24 Caller Excuse me. I'm sorry.

23:25 Goldfinger Psychiatric hospitalizations.

23:26 Caller Yes, four times.

23:27 Drew Do you have to try to kill yourself?

23:29 Caller Yeah, twice.

23:29 Goldfinger Wow. Do you have a borderline personality?

23:32 Caller I'm bipolar.

23:33 Goldfinger But what's the personality diagnosis?

23:35 Caller I don't know. My doctors told me that I'm not borderline personality disorder, but I'm bipolar.

23:40 Drew You're not. Hold on a second. You know what's funny? I was just like flashing back to high school and there's like that 16-year-old dude who's kind of dorky who asked her out, who just thinks of her as like, yeah, she looks pretty good in those jeans. You know what I mean? Meanwhile, there's this like molestation, bipolar, multiple attempts at suicide. You know, I mean, this is like one of those peanut brittle cans with the snakes in it.

24:08 Adam No, she's a pinata, dude. Bust it open and f**k it.

24:11 Drew The point is, what candy ain't coming out though. What's inside an actual donkey is what's coming out, not Abba Zabba and candy corn.

24:22 Goldfinger Then the guy, of course, will get fixated and idealized and want to save her and rescue her and get her.

24:27 Drew No, I think this guy just wants to write. I think he does.

24:30 Adam I think she should start a rumor at school about him.

24:32 Drew Rosie? Oh, baby. Listen, I wouldn't, although.

24:36 Caller Yeah, you're right, he's really dorky.

24:38 Caller And he's telling you.

24:39 Drew I know, but listen, Rosie, Rosie, here's the thing that worries me. I would be very scared of the guy you were genuinely attracted to.

24:48 Goldfinger Are you attracted to this guy?

24:49 Drew No. No, he's dorky.

24:51 Goldfinger Oh, I see.

24:52 Caller He's really, like, weird and creepy, too. He's telling all my friends he likes my breast because they're, like, really big.

24:58 Drew Oh, wait a minute.

24:59 Caller That's not necessarily a bad thing.

25:01 Drew 16, yeah. Yeah, you can't blame a guy for that. That's normal. It's healthy.

25:06 Nice rack. Thank you.

25:08 Drew Yeah. All right, so, hey, Rosie, don't go out with him, but don't go out with any, like, guys 28 and drives an El Camino either, all right?

25:15 Goldfinger Or an iRoc. I find it interesting that I bring up borderline personality. One thing my doctors tell me is, I don't have a borderline personality.

25:21 Drew Well, that's nice.

25:22 Goldfinger But they wouldn't say that unless that something was being seriously discussed.

25:25 Drew Yeah, you guys don't normally, as doctors, list what's not wrong with the person, do you?

25:30 Caller No, I've asked them before.

25:31 Goldfinger Why did you ask?

25:32 Caller Because my mom reads up on that stuff and she gave me a book about it and I thought it could relate to a lot of it.

25:36 Goldfinger You certainly have some borderline features, right? Yeah. Okay.

25:39 Drew Yeah. All right. Your mom had a first good instinct in her life.

25:43 Goldfinger My mom had borderline too, right?

25:45 Caller She's clinically depressed.

25:47 Drew All right. Hey, Rosie? Yes. Don't go out with anybody and don't ever get pregnant.

25:53 Caller Okay, Adam, I love you.

25:54 Drew Hey, I love you too.

25:55 Caller Don't be a stripper either.

25:56 Drew Yeah.

25:56 Caller Okay.

25:57 Drew Yeah, I mean topless is cool.

26:00 Caller Waitress.

26:01 Caller Yeah. Bye, guys.

26:02 Drew But listen, hey, Rosie? Yeah. Don't commit suicide.

26:05 Caller I won't.

26:06 Goldfinger And don't put yourself in a position where you can be a victim. Let's stop that cycle.

26:10 Drew Okay.

26:10 Caller Thank you.

26:11 Drew All right.

26:12 Caller Bye-bye.

26:12 Drew All right.

26:12 Adam You actually helped somebody today.

26:14 Drew Wow. Yeah.

26:15 Caller I feel great. Typically the type of girl that likes you, Adam.

26:18 Goldfinger Oh, yeah. Well, on acid.

26:20 Caller No, he was the dorky guy.

26:22 Drew Except for the busty part. Yeah, everything seemed to fit pretty good. Yeah. It was an exact template except for the large chest. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. The great Goldfingers, our guest tonight. We're going to hear something from the new CD when we come back after this.

26:42 Caller This is Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. We'll be right back.

27:21 All right.

27:23 Here you go, Loveline.

27:25 Drew Kelly, Darren, and John are all here from Goldfinger. Stomping Ground is the name of the new CD out tomorrow. I'll give you the tour dates again later on.

27:37 Adam So go buy it.

27:38 Drew Next hour. Well, don't buy it yet. You got to wait till it comes out. Tomorrow morning.

27:42 Adam Bright and early.

27:42 Drew That'll be tomorrow morning. And Darren, last time you guys were in here, it wasn't that long ago, was it?

27:48 Adam No, it was about two and a half months.

27:51 No, a little longer. October.

27:53 Adam Maybe three and a half.

27:54 Caller It was right before the EP.

27:55 Adam And you guys were dead tired.

27:57 Drew Were we?

27:57 Adam Oh, yeah.

27:57 Goldfinger We were doing TV shows.

27:58 Adam You just did like nine shows in a row or something.

28:00 Drew Oh, yeah. You must have come in on a Thursday night.

28:03 Goldfinger Late in the week, on a Thursday.

28:04 Adam Amy, you're 15. You're like, you're exhausted.

28:08 Drew Yep, that's me. Yeah, I'm always giving, although to be fair to me, I'm always giving 65 to 70 percent.

28:14 Goldfinger Even when you're tired.

28:15 Adam What about right now? Are you like in the 80s, high 80s?

28:17 Goldfinger Oh, no. No, 70. I'm always giving 70 percent.

28:19 Drew No, I'm always giving about 70 percent.

28:21 Adam Okay, cool.

28:21 Drew No, one time, seriously, you know, Bean of Kevin and Bean, K-Rock Morning Show, I went over to his house. Bean has like literally 26, 28,000 CDs and I built him, back when I was a carpenter just getting started in radio, I built him a CD rack that had one stretch, it was about 20 feet long and then a couple of returns on it, they're about 10, 12 feet long and it was all the way from the floor all the way up to like your head height.

28:50 Adam Nice rack.

28:51 Drew And it held, where are you with the, With the drum. With the snare drum.

28:56 Adam Nice rack.

28:57 Drew Okay, there you go. And the point is, is the thing held about 26,000 CDs but Bean said to me after almost completing the job and never finishing it, you're one of those 90% guys, You're one of those guys.

29:10 Caller He's the guy that said that?

29:11 Drew Yeah, you're one of those guys goes right up to about 90% but you never go and finish it. I said, no Bean, I'm really about a 75% guy. I gave you an extra 15% because I like you. But that's not mistaken me for one of those 90% achievers.

29:25 Caller You can't hit your ceiling all the time. There's got to be some place to go.

29:27 Drew Yeah, it's got to be a little fluctuation. Otherwise, how do you know when you're having a good day?

29:31 Caller If you go 100% all the time, people expect that from you.

29:34 Drew That's right.

29:34 Caller Then where do you go from 100%?

29:35 Adam At my bachelor party, you were 100% for me. You were there for me, bro.

29:39 Drew Thank you, Darren.

29:40 Adam That was 100.

29:41 Drew That was good times. We walked between the Seventh Veil and the Crazy Girls.

29:45 Adam I almost died that night.

29:47 Drew Charlie brought a bunch of teenagers from Minnesota out.

29:52 Adam That was show-off, that band show-off.

29:53 Drew Oh, yeah. But the point is about show-off, is they couldn't get in any of these clubs.

29:57 Adam We got Seventh Veil, they could get in.

29:58 Drew Oh, that's right because it was no booze.

30:01 Adam No, it's like Coke and Sprite. Yeah, but the chicks are naked.

30:05 Caller I suppose they're not.

30:06 Adam They're not naked.

30:08 Drew Thanks for the correction.

30:10 Caller Hi, me play drum. Paybacks. You know, he gave me so much crap on the plan. I knew I'd get him back sooner or later.

30:18 Drew All right. We're going to hear something from Goldfinger and now off of Stomping Ground out tomorrow. This one is called Counting the Days. That is Goldfinger Counting the Days. Back to classic form, Goldfinger is. That sounded great. Stomping Ground is the name of the new CD. It'll be out tomorrow night. I was just telling the lads that I actually cleaned out my video collection, and I have a shopping bag with probably about 30 cassettes in the back of my car. I'm going to go get it and distribute it to the boys in the band. This isn't my A-list.

34:18 Goldfinger Music cassettes?

34:19 Drew No, this is a pornography drawer. It's weird, though. It's weird when you're cleaning, you're going through your porn collection and you decide to thin the herd a little bit. My porn collection is sort of like a gin hand. Discard this, get taboo too, get rid of sex boat or something like that. Trying to build the strongest hand. I only have so much room in the house. It's funny, though, that I label them. One has a question mark on it, which is always a little like, why bother labeling it when you're just going to put the question mark?

34:51 Caller South Asian prison camps.

34:52 Adam Oh, you write them?

34:53 Drew Could have just left that one.

34:54 Caller Barrett, Gloria, and more.

34:55 Drew I'll write the names on. And then the thing that was funny was there's one big writing. It has a grease pencil. It says, a head cleaner. And I think, ooh, what is this? This ought to be good. I don't remember this one. I pop it in. It's like, hey, let's get to it. Hey, what's wrong with the VCR?

35:15 Caller It's cleaning the head.

35:16 Adam All of a sudden, your picture is amazingly clear.

35:18 Drew I really popped in head cleaner, thinking that it was, because it was labeled, you know, it didn't have a sticker on it. It was written with one of those China pencils. You're putting it with like enthusiasm.

35:27 Goldfinger You're excited.

35:28 Drew Yeah.

35:29 Goldfinger Got to put this in.

35:29 Drew Yeah.

35:30 Adam Then your VCR said long play, and you got all excited.

35:33 Drew It was really let down. And where's the hi-hat for, I mean, where's the snare drum for Darren? Hell, come on, hit that.

35:40 Caller There you go.

35:40 Adam He's slow tonight.

35:42 Caller There you go.

35:43 Drew You like the roll there?

35:43 Adam I like the roll way better.

35:44 Drew Good. Be ready with that. David?

35:47 Yes.

35:47 Drew You're 19. What's up?

35:49 Caller Hey, what's up? I have a slight problem. Well, first off, I'd like to get a shout out to Goldfinger, my favorite band. I love you guys.

35:55 Goldfinger What up? Word.

35:56 Caller What up?

35:57 Caller Because they're awesome. Anyway, I have some clogged pores, I believe, on my testicle sack. And one is kind of a zit. Problem.

36:08 Adam Testicle sack.

36:09 Caller Yeah.

36:10 Goldfinger One really looks like a zit.

36:11 Caller Yeah. One really looks like a zit. I'm wondering if it's safe and okay to use like say Oxy-10 or a benzoyl peroxide base, you know, acu-save.

36:19 Caller Soap is safe, too.

36:21 Goldfinger You know, we, actually, I got a follow up, it was an email or letter or something from somebody who we talked about a week ago where this guy was calling you with a similar thing and he said he had bumps on his penis. We went, don't worry about it.

36:33 Caller Right.

36:34 Goldfinger Oh, no, he had a big reaction. Oh, he'd been worrying about it. Some other guy had a big reaction. He'd been worrying about it for years. He felt ashamed. He could never have sex with him because he had pearly, penile papules. Until he read about it.

36:44 Caller A little song in that, Darren.

36:45 Adam I was just singing.

36:46 Caller Pearly, penile, papules.

36:47 Goldfinger Until he read about it. He was exonerated and allowed to return to his social life. People don't get that way unless there's some other stuff going on. But you can have pearly, penile, papules, which tend to be sort of symmetric, circumferential clogged pores basically. And they can be-

37:02 Drew On your scrotum?

37:02 Goldfinger Yeah. No, they're more typically on the penis. You can get various kinds of sebaceous problems, which sometimes it can look like a lunar landscape. There can be a lot of big bumps. And sometimes you can get infected sebaceous glands and little carbuncles down there which are like this.

37:16 Caller Carbuncles.

37:17 Goldfinger Yeah. Good word. All of which are normal. Nothing is going to hurt you and people mistake warts for papules. You got to let a doctor go.

37:24 Drew David, what do you want to clear it up for anyway? Who cares? First off, you couldn't make your sack any uglier. If I gave you like 10 minutes in a magic marker, you couldn't make it any uglier than it already is.

37:37 Adam No chick you're ever going to meet are going to go, he has a beautiful smell.

37:40 Caller That's a great looking sack.

37:42 Adam It was divine.

37:43 Drew It's got a hair lip, a hooked nose, but a sack to die for.

37:46 Adam I showed my mom, I showed my aunt, no booty.

37:49 Drew This is Leonardo Di Sacrio. This guy, he is hot. Hot in the sack, everybody.

37:58 Caller It's just kind of bothering me.

37:59 Drew Write that down, Leonardo Di Sacrio.

38:01 Goldfinger You do have to keep it clean and they can get infected. Hot in the sack was good. I think somebody will look at you. Clean it with peroxide, take a warm bath, that sort of thing.

38:08 Drew You know what I love? I love to find a zit on my body that's like fair game, open season, meaning no one's going to see it but me. You get that one on your forehead, you get that one on your nose. Even once in a while, you get one on your shoulder or something and you think, don't mess with it. It's going to turn beet red, it's going to throb, people are going to be staring at it. Then once in a while, you're taking a dump, you're looking down at your junk, you see that one on your inner thigh and you go, listen, I'm going to go get a steak knife and a rib spreader. Two ball peen hammers, some rubber gloves, a can of WD-40, a blowtorch, a blowtorch, one of those robo grips, sandblaster, bench vise, leather man, circular saw, an awl, a teague welder.

38:57 Caller Dude, they should invent like a little vacuum that you just stick on a zip, and then you power it into a slab grinder. Suck it up.

39:02 Adam What are those things called? You put it in your nose and you pull it off, and it's like a boy.

39:05 Drew That's those Biore strips, but those aren't any fun.

39:08 Adam Put those on your nuts, dude.

39:09 Drew But you know, you know what I'm talking about? The joy of finding a spot on your body that no one's gonna see but you, and just go sick. Just go sick on it.

39:18 Adam Assault it.

39:19 Drew I love that. It's like Ray Don and Tebby in your crotch. Drew, that's good times, right?

39:25 Goldfinger Oh yeah.

39:26 Adam It turns from a size of a BB to a half dollar.

39:29 Drew Well, once in a while, yeah, once in a while, you can really like urge yourself.

39:33 Goldfinger By the way.

39:33 Drew You guys go over your scrotum every once in a while, right? Just take a look, see what's going on.

39:38 Caller I take a wire brush.

39:39 Adam Give him a little trim? Yeah.

39:40 Drew No, I mean, go over it, looking for some little bumps, little irregularities, kind of working out some things. You know, I mean, you get it. Yeah, me neither.

39:49 Adam All right.

39:50 Drew I'm not gay.

39:51 Caller You do? No, that's why.

39:53 Adam I'll check yours off, check mine.

39:54 Caller All right.

39:55 Drew We're going to take a little break. Goldfinger's our guest tonight. When we come back, we'll speak to Jim, who's 25, wants to know how to make girlfriend ejaculate. He wants to know if that's possible. We'll tell him how to do it after this.

40:13 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

40:43 Drew Yep, it's Loveline, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Kelly, Darren, and John are all here from Goldfinger. Stomping Ground is the name of the latest CD. Out tomorrow, kitties. I brought my bag of porn for the guys, rolling around the back of my trunk for a while. I think I'll just distribute this. It will just go down the line. Now you guys can trade.

41:05 Adam That's a blank one though, dude.

41:06 Drew There's Kelly. No, that's Buttslots.

41:08 Caller Yeah, sweet.

41:10 Caller But it's one T.

41:11 Drew Dude, Buttslots.

41:12 Caller It's one T.

41:13 Drew I only have so much China pencil.

41:16 Caller Peckers?

41:17 Caller Peckers?

41:19 Drew I got Peckers. John, you got one.

41:22 Caller It's just called Bub.

41:23 Drew I don't know what that is.

41:24 Goldfinger B-U-B.

41:25 Drew Yeah. Okay.

41:27 Caller Big ugly booties.

41:28 Drew Oh, The Real Sex World 5, Lost in Paradise.

41:32 Caller Here we go.

41:33 Drew That's going to be nice.

41:34 Caller He gave me one.

41:35 Caller It says porn with a question mark, dude.

41:37 Goldfinger Oh, he got the mystery porn.

41:38 Yeah, that could be rough.

41:40 Drew There may be an appearance of me on Politically Incorrect in the middle of that somewhere. Don't be alarmed if you're having yourself and then I pop up with Arsenio Hall. Oh, what is that? Dangerous Tides. Yeah, that's probably good. Dangerous Tides. John, what? Oh, Twist of Fate. Nice. Yeah, that's good legitimate stuff there.

42:03 Caller I like how you wrote Twist O Fate on here.

42:05 Caller Yeah, again, I'm always looking to save time.

42:09 Drew The Awakening. This one looks like it's been worked over.

42:13 Caller That's what Robin Williams looks like.

42:15 Goldfinger Could be a future film.

42:17 Drew All right. Darren. What is this? This is Secret's. This tells you how to satisfy a woman.

42:25 Caller Well, you're giving it to the right person.

42:28 Caller Vicky, finally, you've got the answers.

42:32 This is it right here.

42:33 Drew The Trophy. That sounds pretty good. I hate to part with that. That's for you.

42:39 Caller I'm scared to touch this.

42:39 Drew Here's Kelly.

42:41 Caller Here's-

42:41 Caller Yeah, it's red.

42:42 Drew Oh, Butt Woman 97.

42:44 Adam Oh, he's got two butt movies.

42:45 Drew Yeah.

42:45 Caller I'll trade you one butt woman for-

42:47 Adam For Dangerous Tides?

42:48 Caller That's a butt. Nothing beats a good porno movie.

42:52 Adam Yeah, Officer Wiggum.

42:53 I only got one more.

42:54 Drew Red. Yeah, that's good for something too.

42:57 Caller That will be for Charlie, dude, because he is kind of red.

43:00 Caller We'll hook Charlie up. I'll give Charlie one of the butt ones.

43:02 Drew Yeah.

43:03 Caller He's got red pubes.

43:03 Adam You'll give Charlie a butt one?

43:06 Drew All right. So there you go.

43:08 Adam I think I scored here.

43:09 Drew Darren usually comes bearing gifts, and I thought it was high time I gave back to the band.

43:14 Adam I feel bad that I didn't come bring gifts.

43:16 Drew No, that's fine. You do every time.

43:18 Caller I'm actually going to leave early now.

43:20 Drew Jim?

43:21 Adam Yeah.

43:21 Drew Yeah, but you'll be back in five minutes.

43:22 Adam There's a VCR right here.

43:23 Caller Let's just bust it out. Three, three.

43:25 Drew Jim, you're 25. What's up?

43:27 Caller Hey, I got a weird question here. I have a girlfriend and she gave me a weird request. She gave me a videotape and I don't watch pornos much. I mean, well, much at all, really. I'll be like one of the first ones.

43:41 Caller Me either.

43:42 Adam I don't watch pornos.

43:43 Caller Neither does Adam.

43:44 Adam I watch them every day, but not all day.

43:47 Caller I knew that'd be a hot topic.

43:49 Caller What's up?

43:50 Caller Just pornos in general, considering your last conversation. But anyway, in the porno, there's a girl who has an orgasm and I guess shoots liquid like 10 feet. 10 feet? In the video, and it happens a few times during the video.

44:08 Caller I've seen it.

44:09 Caller It's true.

44:10 Caller I've seen it.

44:11 Caller I'm curious as to whether one, it's real or not.

44:13 Caller It is real.

44:13 Caller Maybe that's what my girlfriend wants. She wants me to do that.

44:16 Adam She wants to become a squirter?

44:17 Caller No, not in real life.

44:19 Caller You know what I'm talking about?

44:20 Caller We need Charlie here for this question.

44:21 Adam Yeah, Charlie will be all over this.

44:23 Drew She wants you to do that to her.

44:25 Caller Exactly.

44:26 Caller Right.

44:28 Caller I'm trying everything here.

44:30 Drew Here's what you do. You show her a video of Michael Jordan doing a monster slam and then tell her you'd like to do that yourself and you'd like her to help you do that. Because it's really the same thing. You're not equipped to do that and she's not equipped to do this.

44:48 Caller So that is possible though?

44:50 Goldfinger Yeah. People do. Yes. Women do ejaculate. But has she had an orgasm?

44:54 Caller Yeah. She has orgasms.

44:56 Goldfinger You're sure?

44:57 Caller Yeah.

44:57 Caller But she wants to squirt.

44:58 Goldfinger I've heard them.

44:59 Caller I've been there.

45:00 Caller You've heard them?

45:01 Caller As you know. You've heard them.

45:03 Goldfinger I wonder if she's telling them something.

45:04 Yeah.

45:04 Goldfinger You know what I mean?

45:05 Drew You've heard them, but you haven't ducked them. I mean, you haven't dodged them, right? Yeah.

45:09 You know what I'm saying?

45:12 Drew Yeah. She may be telling you she's faking it. You know what I'm saying, guys?

45:18 Caller Yeah.

45:19 Goldfinger That's what I think.

45:19 Caller Okay.

45:20 Drew Because let's be logical for a second. I'll put Jim on hold. Let's say she's like every other woman we ever met, which is, let's say she's having an orgasm. If she's having an orgasm, whatever kind it is, it's good for her if it's a real orgasm to her.

45:37 Goldfinger That's right.

45:37 Drew So if she's having that, she ain't complaining.

45:40 Goldfinger That's right.

45:40 Drew I never met a woman who actually had an orgasm, who wanted a different one, a better one or someone else's orgasm.

45:47 Goldfinger This is like somebody who doesn't speak the same language, like, come here.

45:50 Caller Exactly.

45:51 Goldfinger This. Do this.

45:53 Caller Exactly.

45:53 Drew Right.

45:54 Goldfinger We want this. He's telling her something.

45:57 Drew I think she's telling him that she wants an orgasm, not a salvo. Right. Jim?

46:03 Caller OK. One thing I should tell you. She told me this when she was with her husband just before she divorced.

46:11 Caller There's always another story.

46:12 Goldfinger That she could do this.

46:14 Caller No. This is when she told me she wanted to do this, that she did this. This was back when we were just friends.

46:18 Right.

46:20 Caller That was like a couple of years ago.

46:21 Adam Maybe she is, you know, experienced.

46:24 Caller Now we're dating and she keeps reminding me about that video. It's like, yeah, we haven't actually been together only but a few times.

46:29 Drew Doesn't she know she's not physically equipped to do it? Hey, Jim.

46:33 Caller That's what I'm thinking.

46:34 Drew Maybe she has.

46:34 Caller Maybe she's done it herself. Has she squirted before?

46:37 Caller I'm just thinking no. I'm just thinking that that was just a special case circumstance that this woman is talented and, you know, she shouldn't really aspire to that.

46:45 Drew Hey, Jim, you're 25 years old. Haven't you realized in life that certain people can do certain things that others can't do? You know what I mean?

46:55 Caller Yeah.

46:55 Drew Yeah. You know what you need to do?

46:56 Caller You don't study at Bourne.

46:57 Caller I don't want you to back me up on that.

46:58 Drew No. She can't do it and you can't make her do it, but you can make her have a good regular civilian type orgasm. You need to rent a Peter North movie known as The Decorator in the Circles.

47:09 Caller Beer can.

47:11 Drew And explain to her that you want to do that.

47:13 Caller Okay.

47:14 Drew All right? Write that name down. Peter. Peter North.

47:17 Goldfinger And she needs to make him do that.

47:18 Caller Douche Nozzle once in a while.

47:20 Drew Yeah. Douche Nozzle. That's right. Yeah. You know, everyone always, we were talking about this the other night. Everyone always talks about Douche Bag. Calling guys Douche Bag. You Douche Bag. Your mom's a Douche Bag. What about the Douche Nozzle?

47:33 Goldfinger Douche Hose.

47:34 Drew And the Douche Hose. What about the other components of the the the douching apparatus? You don't hear about that.

47:40 Adam Douche Bag? You said Douche Bag, right?

47:42 Drew Well, I'm saying everyone knows Douche Bag. But what about Douche Nozzle? The nozzle that goes up in India.

47:48 Adam What about Douche Box? The box that comes...

47:50 Drew No, I want to work nozzle into the lexicon.

47:55 Adam Because the word bag is funny.

47:57 Goldfinger No, but...

47:57 Drew Yeah, but it's so overused.

47:59 Goldfinger He wants to create a city in Germany called Douche Nozzle.

48:02 Drew Douche Nozzle.

48:03 Caller It could be.

48:04 Adam I want to move there.

48:05 Caller I think we played there.

48:06 Caller We played there, actually, with the Bloodhound Gang.

48:08 Drew You guys played in old Douche Nozzle?

48:10 Caller Yeah.

48:12 Drew It's between Mainz and Luxembourg.

48:14 Caller Douche and Nozzle, though.

48:16 Adam Douche and Nozzle?

48:18 Drew That would be a good name for a punk band, though. Wouldn't it? Douche Nozzle?

48:21 Caller It sounds like a dog.

48:22 Adam Here's our first hit, Salt and Vinegar.

48:24 Caller Is Douche actually French?

48:26 Drew It sounds like it.

48:28 Caller All right.

48:28 Drew No more hypotheticals with the band. It's just not working out. When we come back, we'll speak to George. He mixes Pot and Paxil, and he wants to know if that's bad. I'll tell him what to do with that after this. Let's have some more fun. Okay. Hey, it's the Love Line. I'm Pearl that group.

49:26 Caller We're gonna take a quick 10-second timeout.

49:28 Drew We'll be back with more of the famous program in just 10 seconds.

49:32 Caller This is Love Line on Radio Station.

49:46 Drew Yep, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. The Bloodhound Gang will be in here on Thursday and some playmates tomorrow night, so it's quite an eclectic week we have on tap for us here on Loveline. Goldfinger's our guest tonight. Kelly, Darren and John are all here from the band. Charlie is feeling a little under the weather. Or perhaps, just perhaps, he's out front of the Seventh Vale trying to get some of his adolescent friends in to look at a little boon tang before they head back to Michigan.

50:16 Caller Poonani.

50:17 Caller We're friends in a band called Poon Twang.

50:19 Drew Wow, that's a good name.

50:20 Caller That's a good name, isn't it? I just remember that name.

50:22 Drew It's not as good as Douche Nozzle. I wish you guys would get on board with that. I'm down.

50:26 Caller It's too hard to spell, though, man.

50:29 Drew Stomping Ground is the name of the latest CD. It will be out tomorrow. We'll hear something else off of that in a few minutes. But until then, we'll get back to the phones and speak to George who's mixing the pot and the Paxil. Hey, what's up, Adam? Hey, George.

50:45 Caller I smoke weed and take Paxil and I also do Speed 2 and I'm just curious of what's the side effects.

50:51 Drew Oh, very normal, very normal.

50:53 Adam That would be suck.

50:55 Drew It's right where they crash a boat into the pier.

50:58 Adam Oh, no, I don't run it.

51:00 Caller You ruined it. The ending.

51:01 Goldfinger Well, the speed with Paxil can be dangerous. Okay. There's something called a serotonin excess syndrome where if you have excessive amounts of serotonin circulating in your brain, it can kill you. They're also the potential of inducing cardiac rhythm disturbances that are amplified by both those medicines.

51:22 Caller Oh, that's why I noticed I have a bad chest pain.

51:25 Goldfinger That's nice. And there's absolutely no reason to be taking the Paxil if you're not having your addiction treated. It's ridiculous. It's absurd.

51:33 Adam So, speed and Paxil equals death.

51:35 Drew Is Paxil for depression?

51:37 Goldfinger Yeah.

51:37 Drew Yeah.

51:38 Goldfinger It's absurd. You didn't tell your doctor what you were doing.

51:42 Caller No.

51:43 Caller He told me it's dangerous, too.

51:45 Goldfinger Yeah, but you didn't talk to your doctor about what you were doing.

51:46 Drew George, listen. You already got enough troubles. You're 16 years old. You know what I mean? What are you going to do here? What is your plan? I don't really have one. All right. That's obvious. You got to start working on the speed and you got to start working on the weed, all right? And then you take your meds, you get a little therapy and go for a nice walk every morning.

52:06 Goldfinger No, you get involved in 12-step. Yeah, you're going to do that.

52:08 Drew Maybe 14.

52:09 Adam And rent speed, too.

52:10 Drew All right.

52:11 Caller Hey, Adam.

52:12 Drew It's bad, George. Don't do it. Come on.

52:14 Caller Hey, I...

52:14 Caller Yeah. What? What do you want?

52:16 Caller Hey, you're a deuce knuckle.

52:18 Caller There you go.

52:18 Caller Oh, yeah. It's catching up. He's in the Navy?

52:22 Caller No.

52:24 Caller It's...

52:24 Caller I don't really know how to explain it.

52:25 Caller It's gross.

52:26 Caller It makes me gag.

52:27 Caller Oh.

52:28 Drew Where does it go that you get a sniff of?

52:31 Adam Right in your nostril?

52:32 Drew No.

52:33 Caller In your deuce nozzle?

52:34 Caller Yeah. Either on my chest or...

52:38 Adam It's that bad? It reeks from your chest to your nose? Yes.

52:42 Caller Yes.

52:42 Caller It's a very, very... What that is?

52:43 Caller Is it a chemical reaction?

52:44 Adam Is he a meat eater? Does he eat meat?

52:47 Caller Does he eat meat?

52:48 Adam Is he a vegetarian?

52:49 Caller He eats meat, yes.

52:50 Caller Does he eat broccoli?

52:51 Goldfinger Anything funny about the color?

52:54 Caller No, but it is kind of clumpy.

52:56 Caller It's something clumpy.

52:57 Caller God.

52:58 Goldfinger How often do you guys do this?

52:59 Caller What was that?

53:02 Drew That's David Allen career vomiting on this show, by the way.

53:06 Adam Seamen is clumpy.

53:07 Caller Clumpy and stinky.

53:08 Goldfinger How often are you exposed to this?

53:11 Caller About two to three times a week.

53:14 Drew Wow. God bless you.

53:16 Goldfinger Sometimes that clumpiness needs a little more...

53:19 Drew Why is it? Yeah. It means the system needs to be flushed out a little bit.

53:22 Adam Or something.

53:23 Caller Just add blueberries and bake them for $3.50.

53:26 Drew How does it get on your chest?

53:28 Adam It has a good head.

53:30 Caller It comes through his douchenozzle.

53:32 Drew What does he do? Does he pull out? What's he doing?

53:35 Caller He pulls out.

53:35 Drew And it gets all the way up there, huh?

53:37 Caller Well, yeah.

53:38 Drew I can't make it past the belly button. And that's if I give it a good hum too while I'm doing it.

53:43 Caller Basically, anywhere it goes, you can still smell it. It's a strong smell.

53:47 Drew Really?

53:47 Adam What about in your back?

53:48 Drew No.

53:49 Caller Are you nasally sensitive?

53:51 Caller No, not really.

53:52 Caller You're not one of those sniffy people?

53:53 Adam Bionic nose?

53:54 Drew What about the rest of the guy? How's the smell going?

53:56 Goldfinger Are you guys using this for birth control?

53:58 Caller No, he smells fine. He's very well cleaned.

54:00 Goldfinger You guys are using this for birth control? Am I? Yes, I am. You're on birth control?

54:04 Caller Yes. I just like to be a little extra careful.

54:07 Drew I understand. Listen, hey, Drew, is there any kind of charcoal filter a guy can put on the end of his peepee?

54:16 Goldfinger Menthol.

54:17 Drew Oh, that's nice.

54:18 Caller A fuel injector.

54:18 Drew Yes, send it through some HEPA filter or something so it just drains it out.

54:24 Goldfinger It's inserted inside a little.

54:25 Caller Yes.

54:27 Drew I don't know. Listen, I know people always talk about hygiene and all that stuff, but really some people just have their own thing going on. They don't have their own smell. They just do.

54:37 Caller Kind of like the chick that squirts.

54:39 Drew Yeah.

54:39 Caller Everybody has their special thing. I mean, you ever go to the sperm smell?

54:43 Drew You just go to the airport or something. You just walk past the guy and you just go, Jesus Christ.

54:48 Caller It's just a serious, serious fun.

54:50 Caller We were just in Europe, you know.

54:51 Adam You know what I did today at the airport? I was walking the airport.

54:54 Drew Oh, wait a minute. You put the feminine pad on your forehead.

54:56 Adam No, this was before that. We were walking in the airport, in the hallway to the gate. It was a long, brutally long hallway. I farted. No way.

55:04 Caller You did?

55:06 Caller He's already thinking it's funny.

55:09 Adam I farted, right? I turned around like maybe five seconds later, and people were waving their hands in front of their face.

55:15 Drew I love that. Totally cool. The only thing better than farting in public is seeing people really seriously react to it. My partner Jimmy Kimmel let one fly in the Vegas airport, and an entire collegiate volleyball team, female volleyball team, walked right through it, and I saw like 19 girls as they passed their way through this cloud. We're standing at the Avis rent-a-counter. He just blew a huge one, and they all just passed by, and every one of them, I could hear them talking, oh my god, oh dear lord, no, what is it?

55:49 Adam 18 chicks, and you can't laugh because you'll give it away.

55:52 Drew Oh no, I like it.

55:53 Adam You didn't laugh?

55:53 Drew No, it was huge.

55:54 Caller It's Adam Corolla.

55:55 Goldfinger I'm never prouder of this show than when Goldfinger is on, I got to tell you.

55:58 Drew What are you talking about the van, Drew?

55:59 Goldfinger Didn't you say that Jimmy did something in an elevator or van or something, and he had to start talking to the people in the closed space?

56:05 Drew Oh, yeah. Two years ago at the Weenie Roast in Irvine Meadows, it was great. Two years ago, Irvine Meadows, they have the shuttle. The shuttle that passes you in between the Irvine Meadows and the Irvine Marriott, where everyone stands, like a 25-minute shuttle, and it's like kind of an extendo bus van. I mean, it's pretty big. The bus probably holds 30 people. Jimmy, on the way home from the Weenie Roast back to the hotel, was non-stop, and he knew three or four of us, and then there was the other 26 people, and these people were trying to stuff their head out the window. It's like the thing went into Chapquitick or something. People were like gasping for air, and the bus windows, they don't pop all the way open. They slide open four inches at the top, so like the retarded kids don't get out. And these poor record executives and band members and sort of VIPs who were going out to the Weenie Roast, just hanging their head out, gasping for air, getting upset, yelling. The bus driver grabbed some like wizard and started spraying it over his shoulder.

57:16 Caller He was farting about every 150 feet.

57:19 Adam What was he eating? Were they audible?

57:21 Drew You could hear them, but you could really smell them.

57:24 Caller You could feel them eat.

57:25 Drew It was really rank. And people were getting upset. I mean, they were yelling at him, stop it, we don't know you, this is horrible. So when the bus, when we finally got to the Irvine.

57:34 Caller Sounds like you, Darren.

57:34 Drew We got to the Irvine Marriott and the bus door opened and people just piled out.

57:39 Caller It was like the Who in 77.

57:40 Drew It was like that episode of, that's what it was. I was going to say it was like the episode of The Partridge Family where the skunk got on the bus and they all piled up. But yeah, it was like in Philly where they were the Cincinnati where the guy was killed in the Who concert. Anyway, then they all got to the desk of the hotel and were checking in, 30 people still complaining about the farting.

58:01 Caller And he followed them in.

58:03 Drew On the way to the elevator, swung by, all their backs are to him because they're all facing the checkout counter. Jimmy puts his ass again, floats a silent one, waves at a goal and then gets onto the elevator and just nailed him. So here's the real funny part. Last year at the Weenie Rose, Jimmy's not going. I'm going. I'm on the same shuttle driving into Irvine that afternoon from the Irvine Marriott and I'm sitting there and some guy pipes up. Last year on the shuttle, this guy was farting up a storm and some other guy chimes in because it's always the same record guys. Yeah, I was on that shuttle.

58:42 Caller It was horrible.

58:44 Drew I got my cell phone. I was like, Jimmy, this is the greatest.

58:47 Caller I mean, this greatest tribute. Your moments.

58:49 Caller Any one will ever tell you.

58:50 Adam So Jimmy goes, hey Adam, hold on.

58:53 Caller This is totally unsolicited.

58:54 Drew People are talking about your ass from a year ago. Well, I mean, you're legging around these parts. Yeah. Yeah. You died right now. It would only grow bigger.

59:03 Adam See, me and him are like blood brothers.

59:05 Drew Yeah. You guys should really go on some sort of more like mud brothers.

59:08 Adam Mud brothers.

59:09 Caller You should go on some kind of tour or something.

59:11 Caller I know, dude.

59:11 Caller You should eat like a bunch of high boiled eggs.

59:12 Caller I know one time you pooped out the window, dude.

59:14 Adam We had, we used to rehearse downtown, downtown rehearsal, the scummy little neighborhood. And our rehearsal room was like four stories up.

59:22 Caller And the bathroom was two stories down.

59:23 Adam Yeah, it was brutal. And then, and where my drums were, where I looked out the window and there was an alley, like homeless people live there, right? So they dared to stick my ass out the window and take a poop, right?

59:33 Caller So I did.

59:33 Adam I asked all at the window, holding onto the frame, felt like all had been killed. I let it go. And it reached, the poop was so compact and it reached terminal velocity.

59:44 Caller Oh yeah.

59:44 Caller Dude, the second it was out of your ass, it was the grossest thing I've ever seen.

59:49 Adam Even my doodoo wanted to get away from me as far as possible.

59:52 Drew You know the great thing? The thing about cramping from high altitudes, which I've done before, is it doesn't have anything to hit. And so it doesn't break off for a while. It can go down two, three stories and still be attached to your ass.

1:00:06 Adam It didn't happen with you though.

1:00:08 Drew It's like a Rapunzel letting the hair down.

1:00:11 Caller That would be tricky.

1:00:12 Adam You know how you'd spit and suck it back on my butt? Wow.

1:00:15 Drew Was that Rapunzel letting her golden hair down?

1:00:17 Caller Rapunzel?

1:00:18 Caller Yeah, Rapunzel. Put it down your brown braids.

1:00:22 Drew Climb the ass pole.

1:00:27 Caller Robin, to the ass pole.

1:00:28 Adam I've got to fart right now.

1:00:29 Caller No.

1:00:30 Caller Go ahead.

1:00:31 Caller Should I?

1:00:31 Drew Do it in the mic though.

1:00:32 Caller No, dude. He's the worst.

1:00:33 Caller He's got his own mic.

1:00:34 Caller He'll clear the room out. The room will be cleared out.

1:00:41 Caller Now put it up to your mouth.

1:00:45 Caller I have to sit next to him.

1:00:48 Caller That was real for all you non-believers.

1:00:51 Caller Oh, that was sweet.

1:00:52 Caller I wish we had smell-o-vision.

1:00:55 Caller It doesn't smell, dude.

1:00:56 Caller That's a first.

1:00:57 Adam Do you smell it?

1:00:57 Caller That's a first.

1:00:59 Adam I can smell it because it's under my mic. Oh, poor... The broads are coming tomorrow, they're like, This mic smells like poo.

1:01:07 Caller Liz?

1:01:08 Adam Yeah.

1:01:09 Drew Yeah, you're 19.

1:01:10 Caller Yeah.

1:01:12 Caller That was such a textbook fart, dude, Darren.

1:01:14 Caller The fart on command guy, dude.

1:01:15 Caller Yeah, that was excellent.

1:01:17 Adam Want one more?

1:01:17 Caller Yeah.

1:01:21 Caller Oh, sorry.

1:01:23 Adam I'll keep you informed.

1:01:24 Drew Don't ever toy with my emotions that way, Darren.

1:01:27 Caller Sorry.

1:01:28 Drew Uh-oh.

1:01:29 Adam That's someone calling me.

1:01:30 Caller That's your priest.

1:01:31 Caller That's your mom, dude.

1:01:33 Drew Your father's killed himself, though. He was listening to the show.

1:01:37 Caller Liz?

1:01:38 Caller Yeah.

1:01:39 Caller You're 19.

1:01:40 Caller Yeah.

1:01:40 Drew Now, what's up?

1:01:43 Caller I've never really had a relationship, but lately, like the last couple of weeks, I've been on the Internet a lot, and I've met people and I actually went and met one of them, and I slept with them, and I'm supposed to do it like a couple more times this week with other people.

1:01:58 Goldfinger Have you been this way with other friends?

1:02:01 Caller No, not at all.

1:02:02 Goldfinger You just suddenly started doing this?

1:02:03 Caller Yeah.

1:02:04 Adam How old was the guy that you had sex with?

1:02:05 Caller 41.

1:02:06 Adam Holy moly, mother.

1:02:07 Goldfinger Were you a virgin?

1:02:08 Caller Yeah.

1:02:09 Adam Oh, Christ.

1:02:11 Caller Lucky guy.

1:02:12 Drew Talk about hitting a jackpot.

1:02:13 Adam We should have put the dollar on it, the bet on this one.

1:02:15 Drew You're a 41-year-old guy, you get a 19-year-old virgin off the Internet.

1:02:19 Goldfinger Wait, are you really a virgin?

1:02:20 Caller Yeah.

1:02:23 Drew Were you overweight in high school or something?

1:02:26 Caller I wasn't then, but I am now.

1:02:27 Adam Did he say he was 41 on the Internet? Did he say he was 41?

1:02:30 Goldfinger Yeah.

1:02:30 Adam So he didn't lie.

1:02:31 Goldfinger What are you up to? Why are you doing all this? I don't know.

1:02:33 Caller I just started talking to people online.

1:02:40 Goldfinger No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What's going on in your life?

1:02:44 Adam Should we hold it?

1:02:45 Goldfinger No, but she said she was a virgin. Really only leaves physical abuse and emotional abuse.

1:02:53 Drew Drew is very disappointed that only leaves physical abuse.

1:02:55 Adam Five dollar bill is looking good.

1:02:56 Goldfinger She's overweight and that's what people do when they're sometimes physically abused.

1:03:00 Drew Well, wait a minute, Liz? You met him over the internet. Where did you guys hook up?

1:03:05 Caller At his house.

1:03:05 Drew You just went over to his house?

1:03:07 Caller Yeah.

1:03:07 Drew Son of a bitch.

1:03:11 Adam Adam's like, I'm going to buy a Mac.

1:03:13 Goldfinger First of all, you need to report this guy first of all. You do? She's 15, isn't she?

1:03:16 Drew No, she's 19.

1:03:17 Goldfinger Oh, 19.

1:03:18 Drew Yeah, that's fine. How overweight are you?

1:03:22 Caller I'm 205.

1:03:23 Drew All right. How tall are you? I'm feeling better now. How tall are you?

1:03:27 Caller 5'8.

1:03:28 Goldfinger But what's up, Liz? Why now?

1:03:32 Caller I don't know.

1:03:33 Caller I'm kind of coming out of a really deep depression.

1:03:37 Goldfinger Why?

1:03:38 Caller I don't know.

1:03:38 Caller I just, the last couple of years, I was kind of sick.

1:03:43 Drew What?

1:03:43 Goldfinger You missed that? You were sick for how long?

1:03:45 Caller The last couple of years.

1:03:46 Drew What did you have?

1:03:48 Caller Oh, just like mentally. I don't know.

1:03:49 Drew Oh, okay. What's up with this guy? Are you going to have more sex with him?

1:03:54 Caller Yeah.

1:03:55 Goldfinger Do you have bipolar?

1:03:57 Caller No. Just like some people have told me I'm borderline. Some people say I'm not.

1:04:04 Goldfinger Hey, Liz? Were you abused in some other way growing up?

1:04:07 Caller Um, just verbally.

1:04:09 Goldfinger Not physically?

1:04:10 Caller No.

1:04:10 Goldfinger And not sexually?

1:04:13 Caller No.

1:04:14 Caller No.

1:04:15 Caller Wait a minute.

1:04:16 Goldfinger What happened to you sexually?

1:04:18 Caller Nothing. Nothing, I swear.

1:04:22 Drew Something's got to be up.

1:04:23 Caller No, I swear.

1:04:24 Drew Why were you a virgin so long and then lost it in such a bizarre fashion?

1:04:28 Caller I don't know. I had messed around with guys and stuff before, but.

1:04:33 Drew All right.

1:04:34 Adam I know why, because the guy had AOL 5.0 and she had 4.0 and he downloaded it.

1:04:38 Drew Wow.

1:04:39 Caller He totally downloaded it.

1:04:40 Drew How was he in bed? How was his sex?

1:04:43 Caller He wasn't very good.

1:04:44 Caller Yeah.

1:04:45 Drew How do you know?

1:04:46 Caller He's 41 on the Internet. Well, that's true.

1:04:49 Drew Badman, a virgin, says he wasn't up to snuff.

1:04:52 Caller What's his name?

1:04:54 Drew He's a virgin. How was he? It's not the best I've had.

1:04:57 Caller I've done better.

1:04:59 Adam He wasn't very good.

1:05:01 Goldfinger This is not a great way to proceed. This is not going to help you deal with your mood. It's not going to help you with your chronic condition. You need to establish some boundaries of people. You need to have a real relationship. This is all, again, this is some sort of a grandiose attempt to escape where you're at from a feeling standpoint. You need to, maybe you're not in treatment or taking your medicines, or maybe you're even getting kind of a maniky from the medicines you are taking, but whatever it is, you need to talk to the people who are taking care of you about this.

1:05:26 Drew Yeah, or find some people to take care of you.

1:05:28 Goldfinger Is that a fart? Someone fart?

1:05:29 Drew No, that's a chair. Brandon? Yeah? I've done some serious fart lighting in this boat, Dr. Drew Loveline.

1:05:35 Adam If you got a lighter, I'm ready to go.

1:05:37 Drew No? Okay, fine. Hey, Brandon?

1:05:40 Adam Yeah?

1:05:40 Drew If you got something going, though, I mean...

1:05:42 Adam I'm cooking one up right now.

1:05:44 Caller Okay.

1:05:45 Adam It's a beauty.

1:05:45 Caller He's percolating.

1:05:46 Drew It's like when you download something on the computer, and, you know, it's like, you know, 50%, 80%. Where are you at? Where would you be?

1:05:52 Caller What percentile?

1:05:53 Adam I'm like 35.

1:05:55 Drew Oh, 30?

1:05:55 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:05:56 Adam It's rumbling.

1:05:57 Drew I want to know how to time the commercial break. I don't want to...

1:05:59 Adam You know how the coffee machine makes a rumbling noise before it actually starts dripping?

1:06:01 Drew Right. That's what you're doing?

1:06:03 Adam I mean, it drips.

1:06:04 Drew Yeah.

1:06:04 Adam It's right there.

1:06:04 Caller Percolating.

1:06:05 Drew Brandon?

1:06:06 Yeah.

1:06:06 Drew You're 17.

1:06:07 Caller Yeah.

1:06:08 Drew Your girlfriend weighs 80 pounds?

1:06:10 Caller Yeah.

1:06:12 Drew How tall is she?

1:06:14 Caller About 5'3.

1:06:15 Drew Yeah. How do you know she weighs 80 pounds?

1:06:17 Adam Are you sure it isn't Rodney James Dio?

1:06:20 Goldfinger How do you know she weighs 80 pounds?

1:06:22 Caller She just... How small she is and...

1:06:25 Goldfinger Does she have an eating disorder?

1:06:26 Caller Huh?

1:06:27 Goldfinger Does she have an eating disorder?

1:06:28 Caller No. It's just she's naturally small.

1:06:31 Drew Now, let me write this down. Girlfriend weighs 80 pounds. How do I know she weighs 80 pounds? It's how small she is.

1:06:37 Caller She also said so.

1:06:39 Caller Ah!

1:06:42 Drew She's a spinner. Yeah. Chicks lie about their weight. She's probably 83 pounds. What's your question?

1:06:47 Goldfinger What is your question?

1:06:48 Caller I want to know if I should have sex with her.

1:06:51 Caller How tall are you?

1:06:52 Adam Just lay on your back, dude.

1:06:54 Caller How tall are you?

1:06:55 Caller About 5'10.

1:06:56 Drew How much is she away?

1:06:58 Caller 170.

1:07:00 Goldfinger How old is she?

1:07:01 Caller Huh?

1:07:02 Goldfinger How old is she? 12.

1:07:03 Caller 14. Oh, please.

1:07:04 Goldfinger You're going to break her... Forget the... Break her spirit. Don't worry about her hymen or her soul.

1:07:09 Adam Yeah, forget her body.

1:07:10 Caller You should maybe do anal sex first.

1:07:13 Goldfinger No, my God.

1:07:13 Caller I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. Don't.

1:07:15 Goldfinger I'm not, dude.

1:07:16 Caller Don't.

1:07:16 Goldfinger Just don't... Do not have sex with a 14-year-old.

1:07:18 Caller Try her armpit first.

1:07:20 Goldfinger Listen, it is traumatizing most often. The vast majority of cases.

1:07:24 Drew Brian, she's too young. What are you doing with a 14-year-old?

1:07:27 Caller Throw her back.

1:07:28 Drew What grade are you supposed to be? I mean, if you didn't drop out or weren't kicked out of high school.

1:07:32 Caller I'm supposed to be a junior.

1:07:34 Drew Yeah.

1:07:34 Goldfinger But you were kicked out?

1:07:36 Caller Yeah.

1:07:36 Drew Yeah. I can always tell the guys who were thrown out. Yeah. Yeah. Why were you thrown out?

1:07:41 Goldfinger Because he was dating a 14-year-old.

1:07:43 Drew You broke the hip of an 11-year-old?

1:07:45 Caller No.

1:07:45 Caller Why were you tossed out?

1:07:47 Caller I was kicked out for fighting.

1:07:49 Drew Fighting.

1:07:50 Caller A bunch of times.

1:07:52 Caller Yeah.

1:07:52 Drew Okay. Hey, Brandon, listen to me.

1:07:54 Caller Yeah.

1:07:55 Drew Everyone needs, first off, I'm a genius, right? You understand that?

1:07:59 Caller Yeah.

1:08:00 Drew I know the future. You're heading for trouble.

1:08:03 Goldfinger You've already found trouble.

1:08:04 Drew You're 17. You're banging around with a 14-year-old. You got thrown out of school. You need to straighten up a little and start making a little shift in your life.

1:08:13 Caller Anger management.

1:08:15 Drew You know what I'm saying, Brandon?

1:08:15 Goldfinger Where are you going, Brandon? Really?

1:08:17 Drew What's the plan?

1:08:19 Caller Right now, I have to get a job because I got kicked out of my house also.

1:08:24 Drew Where are you living?

1:08:25 Caller With a friend.

1:08:26 Adam You got to give him props on being confirmed about hurting her.

1:08:28 Drew Why did you get kicked out of your house?

1:08:29 Adam I suppose you're just doing it.

1:08:30 Caller Drugs.

1:08:31 Drew Drugs.

1:08:32 Goldfinger You're an addict.

1:08:34 Drew What are you into?

1:08:36 Caller Speed pot.

1:08:37 Caller Smoke weed, speed, acid.

1:08:41 Drew Hey, Brandon, come on. Seriously, what is your plan?

1:08:43 Adam Gas stopping.

1:08:45 Caller I don't really have a plan yet.

1:08:47 Drew All right.

1:08:47 Goldfinger What do you think life's going to look like in 10 years?

1:08:50 Caller In 10 years, I'll probably live in my car.

1:08:54 Adam Yeah, dude.

1:08:55 Drew That'll be what?

1:08:56 Caller His car.

1:08:57 Caller You're living in your car?

1:08:58 Drew What makes you think you're going to do so well you're going to have a car in 10 years?

1:09:01 Caller Because I've already got a car.

1:09:02 Drew Nah, I think you'll be living out of your moped. All right, listen, Brandon.

1:09:07 Caller Yeah?

1:09:08 Drew What kind of car you have? Vega?

1:09:10 Caller No. 91 Thunderbird.

1:09:12 Caller Yeah, dude.

1:09:13 Drew Yeah, nice. Brandon, you got to join the service. But not our countries. I want you to go somewhere else. Poland. Go to Poland, join the army. No, seriously, Brandon, come on. Easy, you know, back off on the drugs with you. Don't fight. You know, get a job, keep it, and all that kind of stuff. Now, don't screw yourself up too much.

1:09:32 Adam Make your girlfriend gain like 30 pounds.

1:09:34 Goldfinger Get into some recovery, lay off this girl. It's not good for her, for you guys, those sexual relationships. Yeah.

1:09:40 Adam Yeah, lay off her, no pun intended.

1:09:41 Goldfinger You got to get in some sort of recovery. You got to. What you're doing to your brain now is going to actually prevent you to negotiate the development that you're supposed to go through right now. It actually prevents the brain from growing.

1:09:53 Drew And Brandon's not exactly going to take the Fortune 500 companies by storm as it is. And he dumbed up Brandon, who's been doing Crank five years from now, is really going to be in a world of hurt when it comes to employment opportunities in the future. All right, I want to hear something from Goldfinger. Ah, come on. Why do you care?

1:10:15 Adam I'm about at 50% right now.

1:10:16 Drew Yeah, all right. Good.

1:10:18 Adam After the song, I'm going to be like close to 80.

1:10:19 Goldfinger Wait a little commercial. Then he'll deliver.

1:10:22 Adam No, song, then I'll deliver.

1:10:24 Caller He'll deliver his child.

1:10:25 Drew No, we'll go to a song, then we'll go to commercial, and then you deliver.

1:10:28 Adam Absolutely.

1:10:28 Drew Can we do that?

1:10:29 Adam Yeah. I need more soda.

1:10:30 Caller More popcorn.

1:10:31 Drew All right, this is off of Stomping Ground. It is out tomorrow, and this is 99 Red Balloons. Yep, it's Loveline, Adam Carolla, Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Kelly, Darren, and John are all here from Goldfinger. Stomping Ground is the name of the CD.

1:15:07 Adam I'm at 85 right now. Got it?

1:15:09 Drew 85 percent.

1:15:10 Adam Should I go?

1:15:11 Caller All right.

1:15:18 Caller It's funny because it's true. Stinking Danulo's, stinking Danulo's.

1:15:28 Drew It's funny when you fart something up like a telephone or your dog's head or something like that.

1:15:33 Caller Car keys.

1:15:33 Caller You see Drew?

1:15:34 Adam He went like this. He got shocked.

1:15:37 Drew Drew is a doctor, so he enjoys good ass humor.

1:15:42 Caller Drew loves it.

1:15:44 Drew Drew, come on, tell Darren about the times I've lit the farts in the studio.

1:15:47 Goldfinger I'm very impressed.

1:15:48 Drew I mean, really, as a doctor, seriously.

1:15:50 Adam Give me a letter, bro. I can compete.

1:15:52 Goldfinger No, no. Adam can create like a mushroom cloud.

1:15:55 Adam Are you kidding? That's not true. I'll level a city.

1:15:58 Caller Dude, you've seen the album cover.

1:15:59 Drew All right. That's true.

1:16:01 Caller It's true of both ends.

1:16:03 Drew Asia?

1:16:03 Adam She's been on hold for almost an hour and a half.

1:16:06 Drew You're 14.

1:16:07 Caller What's up?

1:16:08 Caller Like a month and a half ago, I started shaving my pubic area and I had cut myself like above and then I saw that like it formed a bump and then after a while, like a week, on top it got light and then I got more bumps around.

1:16:25 Drew Are you in your bathroom?

1:16:27 Caller No, it's my room.

1:16:29 Drew It's your room?

1:16:29 Adam Is your room tiled?

1:16:30 Drew Is the tile on the ceiling of your bedroom?

1:16:33 Caller No, it's tiled, yeah.

1:16:35 Adam Are you in a recording hall?

1:16:36 Drew Good drum sound in that room.

1:16:37 Adam Yeah, I know.

1:16:42 Drew You have tile in your bedroom? Yeah. I consider that abuse. I really do. You have ceramic tile in your bedroom?

1:16:50 Caller Yeah.

1:16:51 Drew Yeah, that's a bad, that's a weird cultural thing or something.

1:16:53 Caller Do you get a reverb on your fart?

1:16:55 Drew What are you? Are you Indian or something? Persian?

1:16:58 Caller I'm Mexican.

1:16:59 Drew Oh, even worse, yeah.

1:17:01 Caller Oh, that's horrible.

1:17:03 Drew You poor girl with those terracotta pavers in the bedroom. That's abuse. You might as well live outside. That's like living on a patio. It's all cold every morning.

1:17:12 Caller Yeah, she's got bumps on her butt.

1:17:15 Goldfinger I have no idea what you're describing.

1:17:19 Adam Shaving bumps.

1:17:20 Goldfinger I think that's what she's describing.

1:17:21 Drew But she said she cut herself and got like one big bump.

1:17:23 Goldfinger Yeah, they got one.

1:17:25 Drew Is it one big bump or a few bumps?

1:17:27 Adam Or is it a scab?

1:17:27 Goldfinger It's almost like we shouldn't take skin questions because people cannot describe skin lesions.

1:17:32 Drew I can't. Remember the time I told you about the carbuncle on my anus?

1:17:35 Goldfinger Yeah, that was an anal lesion.

1:17:36 Drew No, it was an anal fissure. Hey, how'd it get there? Boyfriend left it there.

1:17:43 Adam It was before or after me.

1:17:44 Drew Oh, it was before you.

1:17:45 Caller Oh, you mean speed bumps?

1:17:48 Goldfinger Yeah?

1:17:49 Drew Is this a series of bumps like a shaving rash?

1:17:54 Caller Ingrown hair?

1:17:55 Caller Hey, lay bum up!

1:17:57 Drew Asia.

1:17:58 Goldfinger Yeah?

1:17:58 Drew Listen to me, goofball. I want to know... And by the way, I think it's ironic about Asia's house. A tile in the bedroom, carpet in the garage. Asia.

1:18:08 Caller She's Mexican, but her name's Asia.

1:18:11 Drew Are these a series of small bumps or is it one big bump?

1:18:16 Caller It was a series.

1:18:17 Goldfinger Like bumps where your hair should be coming out?

1:18:20 Caller Um, yeah.

1:18:22 Adam Can I make an observation?

1:18:24 Caller Try edge.

1:18:25 Drew I know she's 14, but how much of life do you have to explain to people these days?

1:18:30 Caller You know what I mean?

1:18:31 Drew You shave your junk, there was hair in a certain place, you've shaved the hair away, now you get a series of little bumps, little irritations.

1:18:39 Caller Do you need to call, wait maybe one minute on the phone for that?

1:18:43 Caller I was waiting for the, oh yeah, and I have sex with my brother.

1:18:47 Adam Hold on, hey Adam, she's 14, she's shaving her vagina, she's only had hair for like three months.

1:18:52 Drew I like about Darren, he's got the vagina thing going on.

1:18:54 Caller Vagina.

1:18:54 Adam Vagina?

1:18:55 Caller We're going to wash up.

1:18:57 Adam You should hear me say some other words. Like what? Like dyslexic?

1:19:02 Caller I can't say that word. That was correct.

1:19:03 Caller She just said it.

1:19:05 Adam I say dickslexic.

1:19:07 Drew Alright, alright, where are we going here, Drew? You guys still picking up? Going up? Oh, we got a Goldfinger call.

1:19:13 Caller Katie?

1:19:16 Caller Katie 18.

1:19:17 Caller Hey.

1:19:17 Drew What's up?

1:19:18 Caller Not much.

1:19:19 Caller I just went to a Goldfinger, you're awesome.

1:19:21 Caller I saw your show last night in Portland and it kicked ass.

1:19:24 Caller Thanks, you're awesome.

1:19:25 Goldfinger Did you go to Portland last night?

1:19:26 Caller Yeah.

1:19:27 Caller It was way badass. You and Sue Simon seems to be the best fans there by far. Thank you.

1:19:31 Adam Thank you. We had a lot of fun.

1:19:33 Goldfinger Yeah.

1:19:33 Caller That was the second time you guys got me in free.

1:19:37 Drew How'd that work?

1:19:38 Caller What?

1:19:38 Caller We can't talk about it.

1:19:39 Goldfinger Do you guys still insult your audience?

1:19:41 Caller What?

1:19:41 Goldfinger You yell at them and call them a bunch of names and stuff?

1:19:43 Caller Never.

1:19:44 Adam No.

1:19:44 Drew What are you talking about? Darren never did that. He does strange things with his drumsticks and his hands.

1:19:49 Goldfinger First time I saw them, he came out and said, listening to you F and Fs.

1:19:53 Drew Oh, wow. Where? That may have been a one-time thing.

1:19:55 Adam I love our fans. I totally love them.

1:19:58 Drew Maybe it had to be out here somewhere.

1:19:59 Adam I might call them F and Fs, but I do love them.

1:20:02 Drew It must have been like a Weenie Roast or something.

1:20:05 Caller Oh, yeah. Is that the one Jimmy Blue Heat?

1:20:07 Caller Oh, the Weenie Roast.

1:20:09 Adam Memories.

1:20:10 Drew All right. Hey, Katie.

1:20:12 Caller Yeah.

1:20:13 Drew All right. The band was hot, right?

1:20:14 Caller Yeah, they were.

1:20:15 Caller Do you got any problems? What?

1:20:17 Caller Got any problems you want us to solve?

1:20:19 Caller I have a question.

1:20:20 Goldfinger We have a question for Darren. Wait, wait. You're covered with hair.

1:20:24 Adam I had to tell.

1:20:26 Goldfinger Do they have to shave you to get those tats put on?

1:20:28 Adam Yes.

1:20:29 Goldfinger Or do you have to shave down first?

1:20:30 Adam Well, whatever area they're tattooing, you have to shave.

1:20:33 Caller They shave his butt and then they tattoo his arm. It's really weird.

1:20:38 Caller But seriously, if you think about it, what is it, like five to ten needles going in you, what do you think? Of course, it would get infected if you didn't shave your arm. It would push the hairs in, wouldn't it?

1:20:47 Adam I mean, I'm a hairy guy, yeah, but most guys would get tattooed on their arm.

1:20:51 Caller Yeah, no hair.

1:20:52 Adam Even if there's no hair, you still have to shave it because there's little micro hairs and you can't see them.

1:20:57 Drew And if those hairs get in the way or get pushed in?

1:21:00 Adam They get pushed into the skin, it might infect. They have dirt on it.

1:21:03 Drew How many needles go in?

1:21:04 Caller Depends on if it's shading. If you're doing single line work, it's just one needle, they do the black, the outline. And if you do the shading, it's seven needles altogether.

1:21:12 Adam Then if you're in prison, it's just a needle with a thread on it.

1:21:15 Drew Wow.

1:21:15 Caller And your boyfriend Bubba does it for a pack of smokes.

1:21:18 Adam You have an ACDC that's off-angle.

1:21:22 Drew I've never really examined an apparatus.

1:21:26 Caller You know what a tattoo thing was actually? It was a paper perforator that some crazy sailor decided he was going to put ink and start doing tattoos with it.

1:21:35 Goldfinger Seriously?

1:21:35 Caller Seriously.

1:21:36 Caller Excellent.

1:21:37 Caller That was the first tattoo.

1:21:39 Caller Lauren?

1:21:40 Caller Yes.

1:21:40 Drew You're 14.

1:21:41 Caller What's up?

1:21:42 Caller Okay. First I want to say hi guys, the Goldfinger.

1:21:45 Adam I got something for you.

1:21:46 Caller What?

1:21:46 Goldfinger Oh no.

1:21:47 Caller Here it comes.

1:21:50 Caller This is good.

1:21:51 Caller Thank you very much.

1:21:52 Caller Thank you.

1:21:53 Caller Now your rebuttal would be?

1:21:55 Caller Huh?

1:21:55 Caller Your rebuttal would be what?

1:21:56 Drew Your re-asshole.

1:21:59 Caller Man, I'm totally scoring tonight.

1:22:02 Drew Hey, oh, you know, I wish our fart on demand kids would call the hotline.

1:22:08 Caller Oh my god.

1:22:09 Drew Get in here tonight. Danielle, don't steer them away.

1:22:13 Adam We need a lighter.

1:22:13 Drew If they do.

1:22:14 Adam Get a lighter. I'm going to light these up.

1:22:16 Drew You got something going? I mean, you got more?

1:22:17 Adam I got more. I just want a lighter. Something that...

1:22:20 Caller There's always more.

1:22:21 Drew Yeah, let me see. I probably have something out in my car. I'll get it during the break.

1:22:24 Adam We'll get some of the engineers to get it. Lighter. Lord George.

1:22:27 Drew You're forgetting where you are.

1:22:28 Adam Candle.

1:22:29 Drew Lauren? Lauren.

1:22:30 Caller Yeah.

1:22:30 Drew Yeah, so what's up?

1:22:31 Caller Okay, um, well, last night I was having sex with my boyfriend.

1:22:35 Caller And then this morning, or, I mean, today during class...

1:22:37 Drew You're 14. Aren't you glad you waited? Not like all those other girls.

1:22:41 Caller Yeah.

1:22:42 Caller You know, I called last time Goldfinger was on.

1:22:45 Caller Wow. Do you guys remember me?

1:22:46 Drew Yeah.

1:22:46 Caller What happened?

1:22:47 Drew Well, I remember you.

1:22:48 Caller I got pregnant.

1:22:49 Drew You were the one who was having sex at 13?

1:22:51 Caller No, no.

1:22:51 Caller I was the one who was dry humping.

1:22:53 Drew You were dry humping?

1:22:54 Adam I remember. I remember dry humping. I was given a hell of a prop.

1:22:57 Caller Oh, you were the dry docker?

1:22:58 Adam Dry humping is awesome.

1:22:59 Caller Yeah.

1:23:00 Drew So what happened?

1:23:01 Caller Well, so today in middle class, all of a sudden I feel like shooting pains in my, like, my ovary area.

1:23:07 Goldfinger Wait, you had sex for the first time when?

1:23:10 Caller Like January.

1:23:11 Goldfinger And recently you had something else? You've been having sex recently?

1:23:14 Caller Yeah.

1:23:15 Goldfinger And unprotected?

1:23:16 Caller No, protected. Well, I'm on the pill.

1:23:18 Goldfinger Were you using condom? Yeah. Yeah?

1:23:22 Caller Yeah.

1:23:23 Goldfinger Why don't I believe you?

1:23:24 Drew Yeah, we don't believe you. All right. You're on the pill. You're 14. Yeah. Are you on the pill for birth control or for other reasons?

1:23:31 Caller Well, kind of both, I guess, because I have polycystic ovaries.

1:23:35 Goldfinger All right. So that can cause pain too, right?

1:23:37 Caller Yeah.

1:23:37 Goldfinger All right. So maybe it's the polycystic ovary.

1:23:39 Drew Do you have one boy?

1:23:40 Caller Well, I've never had pain before.

1:23:42 Drew One boyfriend?

1:23:44 Caller Yeah.

1:23:44 Drew How old is he?

1:23:45 Caller 15.

1:23:47 Caller I met him on the Internet.

1:23:49 Goldfinger There are a couple of concerns. One is could you have an infection, infection of the vagina, cervix, uterus, or even the tubes?

1:23:56 Caller Well, I'm going in for an ultrasound on next Tuesday.

1:24:00 Goldfinger Because of this pain?

1:24:02 Caller No. Why? Because I've been on the pill for like eight or so months and they want to check to see if there's been any progress or anything from the ovaries.

1:24:12 Goldfinger Do you actually have polycystic ovarian disease or simple cysts?

1:24:17 Caller They just, they said polycystic ovaries. That's all they told me. So I don't know.

1:24:22 Drew All right. Well, listen, go get yourself checked out.

1:24:25 Goldfinger Yeah, and it could be an infection.

1:24:27 Drew You got to check out the junk, too, if you're sexually active now.

1:24:31 Caller Yeah.

1:24:32 Drew Slow down a little.

1:24:32 Caller I was on the Planned Parenthood.

1:24:33 Drew Don't grow up so fast, would you? You're 14. What are you, in the ninth grade?

1:24:38 Caller Yeah.

1:24:38 Drew You act like a ninth grader.

1:24:40 Caller I do act like a ninth grader.

1:24:40 Drew No, I mean from 50 years ago.

1:24:43 Caller Oh. Well, I get good grades and everything.

1:24:45 Drew You do?

1:24:45 Caller Yeah, 3.5, baby.

1:24:47 Drew Wow. Out of a possible 10?

1:24:49 Caller I'm 91 out of 288 students.

1:24:52 Drew Wow. All right. It's time to get out of the retard school and go to the regular school then.

1:24:56 Caller No, I go to Morrill. No, I go to...

1:25:00 Caller Take the hockey helmet off. Get off your short bus.

1:25:02 Drew It's called a subtle jab there.

1:25:05 Adam I got to say, I'm feeling so pathetic.

1:25:07 Drew I think if I could have got late in the ninth grade, it could have helped my confidence, restore my confidence and brought my grades up from a point... It's lower than a D. Whatever is lower.

1:25:20 Caller Whatever a D minus is.

1:25:21 Drew 1.0. You know how you get like a certain amount for just putting your name on the test kind of thing?

1:25:27 Caller Just for showing up and having a pulse.

1:25:29 Drew That's what I got. Whatever the minimal amount was. Like when you play Monopoly and you start with a certain amount of money. 200 bucks? Yeah. That's like what I... That was the equivalent to my grade.

1:25:39 Caller Do you ever wonder what all those kids are doing now? Just go...

1:25:42 Drew That's right. That's right. I'm a millionaire now. Literally a millionaire gentleman. Look at me.

1:25:48 Adam With Monopoly money?

1:25:49 Drew That's right. No. With real pesos.

1:25:53 Caller Whatever. Nicole?

1:25:55 Caller Yeah?

1:25:55 Drew You're 15.

1:25:56 Caller Yeah.

1:25:57 Caller What's up?

1:25:59 Caller My best friend, she's like 11 years old, okay? And she's like 210 pounds.

1:26:04 Caller Yeah?

1:26:04 Caller And she's like... She... She'll like take my boyfriend. I was going out with him for about a year now. And she...

1:26:17 Drew Turn your radio down, goofball.

1:26:19 Caller Oh, my brother.

1:26:20 Drew You're having difficulty concentrating. She's got an 11-year-old best friend who's 210 pounds. And her boyfriends are great. They're like, ooh, look at this.

1:26:28 Caller She's...

1:26:29 Drew Not only is she 11, but she's over two bills. I'm going to hop on her.

1:26:33 Caller She literally steals them. She picks them up and runs off with them.

1:26:36 Drew Makes off with them.

1:26:36 Goldfinger Literally.

1:26:37 Drew Literally.

1:26:38 Caller What she does is she, like, tells them something, that I do something right. Like, she'll say, oh, I'm cheating on them or something.

1:26:43 Drew All right. Hey, Nicole? Get rid of her. I'm going to nip this one in the bud. You're 15. You sound like you're 11 yourself. You really do. You listen to me.

1:26:53 Goldfinger Why are you hanging out with 11?

1:26:54 Drew You should be in the 10th grade, right? 9th grade?

1:26:57 Caller No, I'm in the 9th.

1:26:57 Caller You should be in the 9th grade.

1:26:58 Drew Why do you hang around with someone who's in the 4th or 5th grade or something?

1:27:01 Caller Who's 210 pounds?

1:27:03 Caller No, she's in the 8th right now. She skipped a few grades.

1:27:06 Goldfinger She skipped it. Wow, ahead.

1:27:08 Caller Okay. She's one of those.

1:27:10 Drew Because she was big or because she's smart?

1:27:13 Caller I guess she's pretty smart.

1:27:14 Caller All right.

1:27:15 Drew But listen, Nicole, even though she's technically only a grade behind you and she's you're a slightly older ninth grader and she's an extremely young eighth grader, there's still four years between you no matter what she does on her history test. There's a huge difference between 11 and 15. I mean, think of the stuff you're doing at 15 and the stuff you're doing at 11.

1:27:38 Caller Yeah, but it's like I get mad because she'll tell him something and he'll believe her.

1:27:43 Drew All right. Nicole, Nicole, come on. Who cares?

1:27:46 Caller Get rid of her.

1:27:47 Drew Stop it with this nonsense.

1:27:48 Caller Get rid of her.

1:27:48 Drew You're a big girl now. Not so big that you can have sex, but you're a big girl now. You're hanging around with someone who should be in the fourth grade and you're getting all worked up because she's telling boyfriends, I mean, get over this stuff, would you? Just come on, grow up. Okay, we're going to take, but not too fast if you're having sex. We're going to take ourselves a little break. Goldfinger's our guest.

1:28:10 Adam We're going to come back on Light Farts.

1:28:13 Drew Oh, was that the lightning round? All right, yeah, yeah, we're going to do the lightning round. We've never done that with Goldfinger here. We're going to do the lightning round. Ace Rockolla will host that. Darren's Ass will also put in some commentary after this.

1:28:27 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

1:28:30 Drew Well, it's worth hearing.

1:29:12 Caller It's 11.48 in 50 seconds.

1:29:15 Drew That's 11 minutes and 10 seconds away from the top of the hour.

1:29:18 Caller Straight up to which hour your smack dab man in the middle of the lightning round. Kelly, Jared, and John are all here representing Goldfinger. What's the buzz got?

1:29:27 Drew Stomach grounds. They have a new CD out tomorrow.

1:29:29 Caller I'm going to go out and get that one.

1:29:30 Drew Let's hop back on the phone and speak to Josh.

1:29:33 Caller Wait a minute.

1:29:33 Drew Let's check the time. It's 11.49 in 15 seconds.

1:29:38 Caller That's 9 minutes. Straight up. Let's hop back on the phone. Josh?

1:29:45 Drew Josh, you want to win your result?

1:29:47 Caller You're on Loveline.

1:29:49 Goldfinger You sound just like him.

1:29:50 Caller You're waiting for Goldfinger? Let's hear some of this man, Goldfinger. They are hot, hot, hot. You know what I'm saying, Josh?

1:29:58 Drew The kids really enjoy him. What's your question now, brother?

1:30:01 Caller When are you guys coming to Cincinnati, if you're coming to Cincinnati, and who are you coming with?

1:30:04 Drew Josh, before they answer that, let me just check the time. It's 1149 and 45 seconds. That's 9 minutes and 15 seconds. We're waiting at the top of the hour, straight up.

1:30:12 Caller Go ahead, Darren.

1:30:13 Caller April 30th, April 30th.

1:30:14 Adam April 30th!

1:30:16 Caller We're being Cincinnati, Cincinnati, Cincinnati, at Bogartian. Be there, be there, be there, be there.

1:30:22 Adam Fingers available at gmxn.com. Bring a friend, you'll help him tomorrow.

1:30:25 Caller Hey, Josh?

1:30:26 Adam Yeah?

1:30:26 Caller Let me tell you something, buddy.

1:30:28 Adam All right.

1:30:28 Caller Some go, some blow. All right?

1:30:31 Caller You're done.

1:30:32 Caller All right. Let's hop back on the bones there.

1:30:34 Drew We'll speak to Meg.

1:30:36 Caller Meg is 15 years old. Wait a minute.

1:30:38 Drew Let me check the time. It's 1150 and 20 seconds.

1:30:42 Caller That's nine minutes and 40 seconds away from the top. Yeah, straight up. The witching hour. You're listening to Loveline. Back there in the middle of the line around. Goldfinger's here. Kelly, Darren, John. They're hot, hot, hot. Let's back on the bones. We got Meg.

1:30:54 Drew Meg's 15 years old.

1:30:55 Caller Meg was a graduate.

1:30:56 Caller Yeah.

1:30:57 Drew Meg, pick up, pick up.

1:31:01 Caller Okay. The thing is, I have a guy, a friend, he's my best friend and I like him a lot.

1:31:05 Caller I've liked him for almost a year and I've known him for longer than that.

1:31:08 Caller I have his boyfriend now for a month. I don't know if I'm just going out with my boyfriend because he likes me first.

1:31:14 Drew Meg, let me jump in here and just check the time. It's 1150 and 55 seconds. It's nine minutes and five seconds away from the top of the hour.

1:31:20 Caller Straight up.

1:31:21 Goldfinger Go ahead, Meg. For people your age, to try to figure out how they want to conduct themselves in relationships and who they are. You like this other guy better. You want to be more honest to the guy you're with as a boyfriend in that relationship.

1:31:33 Caller Let me check out here.

1:31:34 Drew It's 1151 and 15 seconds.

1:31:36 Caller Eight minutes and 45 seconds away from the top of the hour. Straight up. The other Loveline's back. They have a little light around. That is damn Goldfinger, ladies and gentlemen. It's 1152 in 15 seconds, 7 minutes 45 minutes. Wait, the light hour is right over the light hour. Michael?

1:32:44 Goldfinger Yeah.

1:32:44 Caller Year 20.

1:32:46 Caller Yeah, I had a 16-year-old and a condom burst, and I want to know where to get the morning after.

1:32:52 Goldfinger He's just a dick. Do you live in a state where you can get it over the counter?

1:32:57 Caller I don't know.

1:32:57 Goldfinger You live in the state of Washington?

1:32:59 Caller I live in Arizona.

1:33:01 Goldfinger You just got to plan parenthood, call your local doctor, urgent care center. You want to get there as quickly as possible. The sooner you take it, the more efficacious it is. You only have three days. You can call the Prevent People, have a hotline, 1-888-NOT-NUMBER-2-LATE. 1-888-NOT-2-LATE. They can refer you to somebody.

1:33:19 Caller Time check. Time check. It's 1152, 1153.

1:33:23 Caller Straight up, seven minutes away from the top of the hour. The witching hour is smack dab in the mouth. The little lightning round. Hot, hot, hot. The Goldfinger. Yeah. Kelly, Darren, and John all here. It's down the ground. Aiming CD out tomorrow. I'm going to go out and get that one.

1:33:39 Goldfinger Great to think about the morning after.

1:33:41 Caller Jessica is 16 years old.

1:33:43 Goldfinger You've got to get it for her. You've got to do it. Why are you with a 16 year old for crying out loud?

1:33:47 Caller How did I want to know?

1:33:48 Goldfinger Jessica.

1:33:48 Caller Yeah, because you can't.

1:33:49 Caller Shut up.

1:33:50 Caller Jessica, you're 16 years old. What's wrong? You just run a little weed over there? Swing a little pot there, Jessica. Jessica. Jessica. All right, we're going to move ahead.

1:33:59 Adam You're done.

1:34:00 Caller That's a good time.

1:34:00 Caller Quit buying it. That's how you stop.

1:34:02 Caller Take just a moment and check the time. It's 1153 and 45 seconds, six minutes and 15 seconds. Straight up the loveline. We're witching out our hot, hot, hot goldfinger, stomping ground, and one more phone call, right? Drew says we're done. He's calling over. Yes, that's it. It is done. I want to thank Darren's ass for making the pilgrimage. Hot, hot, hot, goldfinger, stomping ground, everybody. We're going to take a little break. We'll cut the original show a little bit, and we'll be right back with more after this.

1:34:40 Caller We'll be right back with more Loveline.

1:35:17 Caller Oh, boy.

1:35:17 Drew All right.

1:35:18 Caller Oh, boy.

1:35:19 Drew That is it. Well, the delightful Goldfinger.

1:35:21 Adam I don't think it's enough, though, to get aflame.

1:35:24 Caller Thank you for the pornos, Adam.

1:35:25 Drew Stomping ground, everybody. Name of the new CD, out tomorrow. Seriously, Goldfinger's...

1:35:31 Adam I'm in for two...

1:35:32 Drew .loyal supporter of the show. They're good friends, and as I say periodically, we're a big family here. We like to do it, except for I make all the money, and I don't want to talk to any of you outside of the radio. Other than that, we're one big communal family, and what I want you to do is support the other members of the family that come out with the CDs.

1:35:52 Adam Actually, Adam, I'm sorry to interrupt, I have your home phone number, and for a small price on eBay, I'll give it up.

1:35:59 Caller There you go.

1:36:01 Caller For all you women out there that want to stalk him.

1:36:03 Drew Thank God I shut my...

1:36:04 Caller Uh-oh.

1:36:07 Drew Nice.

1:36:08 Caller Such consistency. Ladies, thank you.

1:36:10 Drew All right, that sounds like a good time to clear out.

1:36:12 Caller Oh, this one smells.

1:36:13 Caller All right, and until next time, it's Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew, saying mahalo.

1:36:17 Caller Oh, yeah, and I have sex with my brother.

1:36:19 Caller Well, now...

1:36:20 Caller This has been Loveline. The stuff expressed on Loveline is not necessarily the stuff of the staff, management, sponsors, or anyone else, including Westwood One Entertainment. Loveline is produced by Ann Wilkins and Gold. Now, please enjoy these birds.

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Monday, March 27, 2000