Episode 1000754887450

1:26 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:29 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:33 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:35 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

1:37 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

1:39 Voiceover Loveline.

1:40 Adam Yep, this is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Bruce. Dr. Bruce is filling in for Dr. Drew. Anyone who's a fan of the show knows Dr. Bruce's work, and I'd like to apologize for that right up front. Dr. Bruce is a board-certified physician. He's a specialist in emergency medicine as well as addiction medicine, and he's also a philanthropist. He donates his time working-

2:08 Are you becoming my agent?

2:09 Adam Shut up. He donates his time working in the California correctional facility, removing tattoos from gang members.

2:18 They pay me.

2:19 Adam Oh, really?

2:20 Yeah.

2:21 Adam What do they pay you? Is it an hourly rate?

2:24 It's part of the contract. I can't discuss the details, but-

2:27 Adam Does it work?

2:27 I am also a philanthropist, however, so- No, it's a great program. I want to say hi to the guys in Chino.

2:34 Adam I'd like to say hi to them too, and I'd like to ask for my stereo back if that's possible.

2:40 That's a great program, getting tattoos off, especially some of the facial tattoos. When you have certain inflammatory remarks towards the police department on your forehead, tough getting a job in LA.

2:49 Adam F-the LAPD.

2:50 It's one of the more famous tattos.

2:52 Adam It's hard landing that job. I understand. All right, Bruce, so we'll, I'll tell you what. I'll make a little note to hear the Dr. Drew shuffle and or boogie and some of those out of context Dr. Drew drops that we always enjoy.

3:08 You never get tired of those, do you?

3:09 Adam Never. There's two things that I never tire of comedically. One is my own nasally drone. There's actually three. Two is farting. I laugh every time I fart. I laugh every time someone else's farts. I laugh when there's farting going on. Three is the out of context Dr. Drew drops. I like to call them this way. Yeah. Give me just a few of those Anderson.

3:34 There's a wives tale out there that black males have larger penises.

3:37 Cornhole.

3:38 Adam Cornhole.

3:44 Anderson's been working over time.

3:45 Oh yeah.

3:46 Adam Anderson, give me a few.

3:47 Do you have a few?

3:48 Adam He has the Nard.

3:49 Yeah.

3:50 We'd be delighted if you get naked at a party.

3:52 No, no, no.

3:54 All right, all right, all right.

3:58 Adam It's always funny. It never gets old. And the Drew Boogie and the Drew Shuffle, which will play before the night is up, is just a compilation of the whole thing. Pussies. Ooh, Drew, he's out of control lately. Shelly?

4:14 Yeah.

4:15 Adam You're 28?

4:16 Caller Uh huh.

4:17 Adam What's up with you, Salty?

4:19 Actually, my name's Kelly.

4:21 Adam Oh, it's Kelly?

4:22 Yeah.

4:22 Adam It says Shelly up there. All right, Kelly, what's up?

4:26 Well, I had a yeast infection for probably about a month. And then I got like a rash and I didn't know if that was common.

4:38 Caller Okay, was it self-diagnosed yeast infection or did you see your gynecologist?

4:43 Well, I had had it before, had one.

4:46 Adam Oh, boy.

4:46 So I knew what it was.

4:48 Adam You got a little yeasty on the peckeroo.

4:52 Caller It's common to have a, it may look like a rash. And the thing is, if you've already treated it yourself, and no one's looked at it, you should have an exam. And sometimes they'll take a culture, some scrapings, and definitively, you'll never get her in there. Yeah, it does sound a little irritating.

5:11 Adam Yeah, it's like she has a big block of, you know, provolone cheese or something. They're going to scrape off of. Listen, just go to the gynecologist.

5:21 Caller It's great having over-the-counter medications available, but patients don't come in as frequently. They self-diagnose, and sometimes there are other things causing the problems.

5:27 Adam Michelle? Michelle?

5:30 Hi.

5:31 Adam You're 14. What's up?

5:32 Caller Yeah. Like, only older guys are attracted to me, and I just want to know if that's like my fault, or if there's something I can do to get guys my own age.

5:46 Adam Well, blame your dad, but how old are these guys?

5:49 Caller Like 18 and 16.

5:51 Adam I see. Well, I mean, you're 14.

5:54 Caller Yeah, like, I mean, I'd never do anything with them. I'd meet out with this one guy, but that was it.

5:59 Adam All right. What are you, in the ninth grade?

6:02 Caller Yeah.

6:02 Adam OK. And you're in high school, then, right? Yeah, see, this is why I don't like the plan of putting the ninth graders in with the high schoolers. When I was in high school, it was 10th, 11th, and 12th. Now it's 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th. And here's the thing about high school. Anyone who's in the confines of that high school is fair game. So you're gonna have a certain percentage of seniors, guys that are 18 years old, banging away with ninth graders who are 14. And it's sort of, like I said, it's like fair game. It's like they're all in the same prison. That is my one, that would be an argument against that.

6:40 Caller I wonder how she looks. I wonder if she looks...

6:43 Adam You look mature?

6:45 Caller Yeah.

6:45 Adam Okay.

6:46 Caller Like people come up to me and they're like, so are you graduating this year?

6:50 Adam Right, all right.

6:51 Caller Well, girls that look more mature get into more trouble. Statistically, they have more problems. So it works against you, actually. And the best thing to do is try and stick with kids your own age. And you're gonna have that happen. You just have to get used to it and stay away from the older guys.

7:05 Adam All right, well, she doesn't sound like she's getting in any trouble. And listen, there's not a 14-year-old girl out there in America these days that is not having some guy who's in the 11th or 12th grade hittin on him. And that's just the way it goes. Your job is to ward them off. Chase?

7:21 Yeah?

7:21 Adam You're 17.

7:23 Caller Oh yeah, I got like two little problems. Like, the first one is like, I'm 17 and I have no body hair.

7:29 Adam Yeah. All right, well, what's your nationality?

7:32 Caller I'm Hispanic.

7:33 Adam Yeah. Well, the Mexicans, they don't have a lot of... What does that mean? Are you Mexican?

7:38 Caller How do you go right to nationality? Chase, you're saying you live by yourself.

7:43 Adam Mexicans don't have a lot of body hair. You know why? So they can slide under the border more easily. No, I don't know what it... I just made that one up, Chase. Thank you. Listen, there's certain nationalities, certain cultures, they don't have a lot of body hair. Others are very hairy. Mexicans don't have a lot of hair on them. I'm guessing it's because they come from a very warm climate. I think the people that come from very warm climates don't have... African men don't have a lot of hair on them traditionally.

8:10 Caller Chase, you started with the wrong problem. What's your next problem?

8:13 Adam What's wrong with that?

8:14 Caller That's fodder for your humor.

8:16 Adam No, hold on a second, you big jackass.

8:19 Caller Sliding into the...

8:21 Adam Certain nationalities don't have a lot of hair on them. And Mexican is one of them.

8:26 Caller What happened to you? You got the over a butt?

8:28 Adam I'm Italian. I got hair on me.

8:30 Caller Places we don't want to discuss.

8:32 Adam Jesus Christ.

8:33 Caller You can't get a hat big enough to cover the hair coming out of your head.

8:36 Adam Chase, that's a national thing. You have it on your groin? Yeah. All right.

8:41 Caller All right.

8:41 Adam That's fine. And also, let me tell you something about hair growth and guys, too. Puberty is one thing with the genitalia growth and all that kind of stuff. But a lot of guys, I mean, I've seen pictures of myself with my shirt off in 18, 19. I got a lot more hair on my chest now than I did. It keeps going. You'll be making a move between age 28 and 38 as far as the hair on your body.

9:07 Caller Chase, people like Adam are wasting their testosterone on the hair and their head when in places that count, they don't have any. So that's okay. What's your second problem?

9:16 Adam Let me warn you about trying to entertain. Please don't do it.

9:19 Caller Okay.

9:20 Adam Go ahead, Chase.

9:22 Caller When I have sex, my nipples leak.

9:25 Caller How long has that been going on?

9:27 Caller Like a year.

9:27 Caller Both sides?

9:28 Caller This is my right one.

9:30 Caller Okay. Just your right side? All right. When you have discharge from your nipples, if it's both sides, you worry about possibly prolactinoma tumor that secretes prolactin, which makes your breasts secrete milk. Just one side, you worry about a tumor or an infection. So you should have that checked out by a doctor. Even though breast cancer and tumors are rare in males, I think about five percent of breast tumors occur in males. That's something that has to be examined. So over a year's period of time, it's unlikely that you have an infection. But it could be. So you have to have it examined.

10:03 Adam Yeah. You got to check in into that kind of stuff. Now, would it be better to have both or just one? I didn't catch what you were saying.

10:09 Caller Well, both. There are many things that can cause increased prolactin, which stimulates the milk production and medications, opiates, things like phenothysines, things you give for nausea and antihypertensive medications. But it's bad if it's a tumor in your brain causing secretion of the stuff.

10:28 Adam So it wouldn't be a tumor in your chest, it would be a tumor in your brain.

10:31 Caller Secretion of prolactin, which stimulates the breast to make milk.

10:34 Adam And so if you're getting it out of both of them, then it would suggest it was a tumor in your head.

10:39 Caller Right, something systemic or something system-wide.

10:41 Adam So that wouldn't be great. No.

10:44 Caller Well, many of them are not. You're saying it would be good.

10:47 Adam You're saying it would be good to have a tumor in your head that makes you secret milk?

10:49 Caller Everything's relative. It's good related to certain other cancers.

10:52 Adam The point is you should get yourself checked out. All right, but it's probably not the tumor. It would be coming out of both, right?

10:57 Caller I like this one better.

10:58 Adam There you go. Steve?

11:00 Hey, what's going on?

11:01 Adam Hey, you're 18. How you doing?

11:03 Caller I'm all right. I want to know how to make anal sex easier on my girlfriend because we're thinking about doing it for the first time.

11:13 Adam I see.

11:13 Caller And I want to know how to make it easier on her.

11:16 Adam All right. Well, let me give you a couple of tips.

11:18 Caller Besides not doing it.

11:19 Adam It's good to get a towel, small towel, like a hand towel, and roll it up real tight. Put some rubber bands around it so it sort of forms a long tube. And give her that to bite on. That's one, because you don't want to swallow her tongue or poke her teeth through the bottom of her chin or something like that. Number two, you got to juice her up pretty good with some wine coolers. Bruce is nodding feverishly, he knows. And three, lots of lube and a running start. I like to sprinkle a little cocaine on the anus. That'll numb it just a little bit.

11:50 Caller Lovely.

11:51 Caller Well, I mean, would it make a difference that we haven't had a vagelone, of course, yet?

11:55 Adam Oh, you haven't?

11:56 Caller No, she's still a virgin.

11:57 Adam Wow, that's great. Yeah. God'll love that.

12:01 Caller You know, from a medical perspective, whenever I see anuses or rectums that have had, that are in the emergency room or other places medically for the reason of sex, there's always a problem there. Sticking things up there. And it almost seems to me that God didn't intend for the anus to be the receptacle for things sexual.

12:21 Adam No, no, it did not. It did not. That's why he hates the gays so much, God, you know, because they're abusing the anus. And God is such a huge fan of the anus that anybody that abuses the anus, that God then punishes. And that's where HIV comes in.

12:39 Caller I want to back up from that road and go down a different road. Like the guy that I had that had a wine cooler bottle, speaking of wine coolers, in his colon. Couldn't imagine it had gotten past his anus, but somehow it had.

12:51 Adam Yeah, did you really have that guy in there?

12:53 Caller Yeah, yeah.

12:53 Adam He had a wine cooler.

12:54 Caller Poor truck driver. He said he had been away from home three weeks and he picked up some gal at a truck stop.

12:58 Adam No.

12:59 Caller She insisted on it.

13:00 Adam No.

13:00 Caller Insisted on it.

13:01 Adam Please. Listen, hold on. Quiet down over there. Steve? Yeah. Is the reason you're exploring the anal sex because she wants to hang on to her virginity?

13:11 Caller Obviously.

13:13 Caller Actually, yeah.

13:14 Adam I see. Is she a religious person?

13:17 Caller Not really.

13:18 Adam Why is she so intent on keeping her virginity?

13:23 Caller I don't know. She's always had that idea of saving herself for marriage.

13:27 Adam I see.

13:27 Caller And I don't know. One night we were fooling around in the hot tub. And I don't know. I just rubbed my finger on her ass.

13:37 Adam Right.

13:37 Caller And I don't know. She thought, ooh.

13:40 Caller Yeah.

13:41 Adam So she may let you do this. And that way you'll get to have some insertion pleasure. And she'll get to maintain her virginity. How old is she?

13:51 Caller She's 16.

13:51 Caller Oh, boy.

13:53 Caller Listen, why don't you just continue to...

13:55 Adam I'm moving to Canada.

13:56 Caller Yeah. Continue to play around with your finger. You'll find that you will never want to have sex if you try the anal route. Because some things relax as you proceed with the sexual stimulation, not the anus. It will constrict...

14:09 Adam No, mine tightens up.

14:11 Caller Unless you have a micro penis, you're going to be in huge trouble. And she's also 16. You're 18. You know, you want to spend some time in jail. I think there's some law against that. Yeah.

14:23 Adam Well, listen, technically, you could get it for just the sodomy.

14:26 Caller Yeah. Yeah. So.

14:27 Adam All right. So forget about it. But listen, if you want to do it just in general, it's like anything that's going to be a potentially painful procedure. You got to take it slow.

14:40 Caller He's comparing just a gentle caress with his finger. I mean, if you attempt this, I will predict disaster.

14:48 Adam Of biblical proportions?

14:49 Caller Yes, of biblical proportions.

14:50 Adam Cynthia, you're 20. What's up?

14:54 Caller The kind of dating is having trouble getting off. He says it's partially because of the condom and partially because the pressure to orgasm is keeping him from reaching it.

15:06 Adam Yeah.

15:07 Caller I'm not really sure if that's true or not.

15:10 Adam Well, what else? What do you suspect?

15:14 Caller Well, he won't answer any of my questions like on past relationships or past sex or anything. And so I'm thinking maybe there's something there. I don't know.

15:23 Adam You mean some abuse or maybe he's gay or bi or confused or something?

15:27 I have no clue.

15:29 Caller All I know is he won't answer my questions about it.

15:31 Adam I see.

15:31 Caller How long have you gone out with him?

15:33 Caller Maybe a couple of weeks. He's not really my boyfriend. We date and we have sex.

15:39 Adam But it's got to be frustrating to you that he doesn't have an orgasm.

15:43 Caller Yeah.

15:44 I've never really dealt with that before.

15:45 Caller No.

15:46 Adam Most guys have it before the salad comes when you guys are out at dinner, right?

15:53 I suppose.

15:54 Adam Did you give him oral sex?

15:56 Caller Yeah. A little bit. I didn't really keep on going because he told me he didn't want it.

16:01 Caller Oh boy.

16:01 Caller I wanted him that way.

16:03 Caller Yeah.

16:03 Adam But he may not have one the other way.

16:06 Caller Right.

16:07 Adam Why don't you, maybe he can have an orgasm through the oral sex.

16:12 Caller Okay.

16:13 Adam Maybe that's an angle. The condom does slow certain guys down.

16:18 Caller Yeah. He totally loses his heart on with it.

16:20 Adam With it. But how do you know because you haven't done it without it, right?

16:25 Caller Right. He hasn't reached an orgasm without the condom, right?

16:28 Adam But you guys have had sex without the condom.

16:30 Caller Yeah.

16:31 Adam I see. All right. Well, listen, this guy doesn't sound like a keeper, Cynthia. What's in it for you? How does he do for you? He give you oral sex?

16:42 Caller Yeah. I guess I just want to return the favor.

16:45 Adam How is he doing that?

16:47 Caller How is he what?

16:48 Adam With the oral sex?

16:50 Caller Just fine.

16:51 Adam He does a good job on you?

16:52 Caller Yeah.

16:53 Adam All right. Well, at least you got that going.

16:54 Caller I must be from the Bible Belt or something. You've known this guy less than two weeks, and you have amazing knowledge of his sexuality, but you don't know the guy that well. You have no idea where he's been. You've had sex without a condom.

17:06 Adam Well, she knows his name is either Tim or Tom. I mean, she's got to narrow it down to that.

17:13 Caller That's consistent with the rest of the information.

17:15 Adam You do know his first name, don't you, Cynthia?

17:17 Caller Yes.

17:17 Adam I understand.

17:18 Caller Have you had a lot of relationships?

17:20 Caller A few, yeah.

17:22 Adam Yeah. I'm going with a couple.

17:24 Caller Do you feel like there's anything wrong with the situation here? I mean, you're really focused on this guy sexually. You've known him less than two weeks, and your questions are all about orgasm. I mean, it's not a good track record for going, I mean, assuming you want to have a long-term good relationship, potentially.

17:40 Caller Maybe not with this guy. I mean, I'm not really looking for something.

17:43 Caller Well, you know, the truth of it is, you set up, you know, whether you call it a track record or where you've been and the way you relate to men, that sets up a pattern. And this kind of pattern, it's not good. It's harmful. It doesn't lead to a good foundation in future relationships. And this is, you know, you're young. It's a good time to sort of do some self-evaluation and think about this kind of thing.

18:04 Adam All right. Well, anyway, hey, listen, Cynthia, I have no idea what's up with this guy. Could be the condom. It's also once guys get freaked out, they get freaked out. And then it's a then it's a bitch. You know what I mean? Because the fact that he didn't have the orgasm the first time or the second time is going to make the third time even that much harder. There's a psychological component here. So, I'm kind of with Bruce on this one. It doesn't sound like you're that much into the guy anyway, so you might as well just move on as someone you like. But if not, just work it out. It'll work out.

18:38 Caller You agree with me that you should date him for a year, get married and then have sex.

18:42 Adam Yeah, and then find out it's horrible sex. Brett?

18:45 Yeah.

18:46 Adam You're 13. What's up?

18:47 Caller I'm wondering if I die my pubes if they'll fall out.

18:51 Adam Your parents' pubes will fall out if you die your pubes. What color are you going for?

18:58 Caller Yellow.

18:59 Adam Why? Why? You're 13.

19:01 Caller Are you going to spike him or just die him? I like the spiked thing. I get some patients come in with spiked dyed pubic hair.

19:08 Adam Who's going to see this pubic hair of yours?

19:12 Caller My girlfriend.

19:13 Adam Oh, really?

19:13 Yeah.

19:13 Adam How old is she?

19:15 Caller 14.

19:16 Adam Holy mackerel. You date an older woman.

19:18 Yeah.

19:19 Caller You must live in California.

19:21 Adam Close. Are you having sex with her?

19:26 Caller Not yet.

19:27 Adam Not yet. How long have you been going out?

19:30 Caller A couple weeks.

19:30 Adam I see. Does she want you to dye your pubic hair?

19:33 Caller I haven't asked her yet.

19:35 Adam I see. You're just going to surprise her.

19:37 Caller Yeah.

19:37 Adam Yeah. I've never done it myself. Never seen any reason to do it.

19:43 Caller It's risky in the summer, though, because when you go swimming, a lot of the stuff they buy comes off. So they jump in the water, and all of a sudden, this plume of red dye comes out.

19:49 Adam No, no.

19:50 Caller I've seen that happen.

19:51 Adam Don't you have to bleach it out first or something? I don't know. Listen, don't get any chemicals near your nuts.

19:59 Caller Right.

19:59 Adam That's my policy. Please, get a hobby.

20:04 Caller Is this like a new try? I mean, it must be out of the main...

20:06 Adam No, I think dyeing pubes was more popular about five years ago than it is now. But it may be making a comeback, spearheaded by young Brett here.

20:15 Caller But it's good that he called and it's a good question because as you mentioned, getting chemicals near your organs is not a good idea. I think the hair falling out is the least of the potential.

20:25 Adam Yes. Here's the bottom line, Brett. We have heard some people with some complaints of some damage that was done. So let's not risk it, especially since it's just a novel thing. It's not like your doctor recommended it or something. Martin?

20:40 Caller Yeah.

20:41 Adam You're 16.

20:42 Caller Yeah.

20:42 Adam What's up?

20:44 Caller When I smoke weed the next day, when I wake up in the morning, I can't move.

20:49 Adam Okay. How do you get the bong to your mouth later that day?

20:54 Caller I don't do bong.

20:56 Adam How do you get the joint to your mouth? Eventually, you can move though, right?

20:59 Caller Yeah.

20:59 Adam I see.

21:00 Caller After like 15 minutes in bed.

21:02 Adam Yeah. That's called no count. That's called being lazy.

21:07 Caller No, no, it's not that.

21:09 Adam You actually feel paralyzed.

21:11 Caller Yeah, something like that.

21:12 Adam It's only after nights you smoke weed?

21:15 Caller Yeah.

21:16 Adam Have you ever not smoked weed?

21:19 Caller Yeah.

21:19 Adam I mean, if you didn't smoke, well, you're stoned now, right?

21:22 Caller No.

21:23 Adam Really?

21:23 Caller No, actually I'm not.

21:24 Adam Okay. So you're not going to smoke weed tonight?

21:27 Caller I will.

21:28 Adam Oh, you will?

21:29 Caller Yeah.

21:29 Adam Where are you calling from?

21:30 Caller Chicago.

21:31 Caller Geez.

21:32 Adam It's late over there, isn't it?

21:34 Caller Yeah.

21:34 Caller It's 12 o'clock.

21:35 Adam All right. Well, listen, why don't you not smoke weed tonight and then see if you're not paralyzed tomorrow?

21:42 Caller I tried that and I'm not.

21:43 Caller So here's the picture. You smoke weed, you can't move in the morning, you feel like crap. You don't smoke weed, you wake up, you feel great and you can move. Yeah. Well.

21:51 Adam All right. So let's do some math there. Why don't you smoke the weed earlier in the day? I agree with Bruce. Maybe that'll help.

21:58 Caller Yeah, but there's no point.

22:00 Adam Why do you need to? I understand you like weed and everything, but you know, you're 16 years old, you're already feeling paralyzed in the morning. Why don't you back off with the weed a little bit?

22:11 Caller I like to do it a lot.

22:12 Adam Well, five nights of weed. No, but you know what? Hold on a second. Let me explain. Let me give my calling all stoners a speech I haven't given in quite some time. Listen, I like weed myself. I've smoked my fair share of weed. As a matter of fact, to be quite honest, I got stoned. I've been stoned seven days straight.

22:42 Caller You look a little stoned.

22:43 Adam No, not today. I didn't get stoned today. I was in Jamaica for a week. That's all you do is smoke pot.

22:49 Caller Do you remember?

22:51 Adam I have a vague recollection about being there. I was stoned every day in Jamaica, and then we had the Man Show ramp party yesterday, and I got stoned yesterday.

22:59 Caller As you waited for me to take me over, though, last night.

23:01 Adam Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right. But here's the point there, Martin. I'm, you know, I'm 36 years old, and I got a bunch of jobs, and there's a time and a place. You're 16. This is going to screw you up, and you don't think it will. I can hear it in your voice already. Martin, people that talk to you know you smoke pot and you're 16 goddamn years old, you know what you're going to be like when you're 28? It's going to be a mess. Believe me, look into the weed smoking and back off on it. I'm telling you. I don't have any problem with people starting whatever they want to start whatever after 18. But you really are screwing with yourself, and the people that smoke weed chronically that call this show that are 15, 16, 17 years old, you can hear it in the first syllable that they're hashers.

23:54 Caller And this guy's addicted.

23:56 Adam Yes, he is.

23:57 Caller And there's no way you're going to convince him he's addicted to smoking pot.

24:00 Adam No, because pot's not addicting. It is. Believe me, it is. It doesn't matter if it has the properties of chemicals that are addicting. The point is you smoke it every day. You're addicted.

24:14 Caller And people that start for some reason in their teen years smoking pot, they'll either all of a sudden do it every day, and that continues for 10, 20, 30 years, or else it's not something that they're attracted to. But he's more typical of the person that starts on the...

24:30 Adam Yeah, but here's what I want to say about pot, because there's so much lore about it and myth about it. It's not an inherently evil substance, but it can ruin you. And it will ruin you. A certain percentage of the population will be ruined by it. Do not think it can't ruin you. It will. And there's certain people that it will ruin.

24:53 Caller Well, I would bet Drew would disagree with you in terms of it being an inherently evil substance. I find that it is because it's not seen as a drug. And more so today than 10 or 20 years ago.

25:02 Adam What do you mean it's not seen as a drug?

25:03 Caller Well, kids I work with, well, you ask them, do you use drugs? No. Do you smoke pot? Yes.

25:08 Adam Well, listen, that doesn't make something inherently evil because it's misinterpreted. Please, how dare you? No, it's not inherently evil.

25:18 Caller Well, whatever that means.

25:19 Adam And the reason it's not seen as a drug is because the man, and I would include you in that group, said that since the 50s, you'll go insane if you smoke it. And then people smoked it. And then they realized these people were lying. And now they don't listen to anything they say. What they should have said is, you won't go insane, but it may screw, you know, you may have a little difficult to get in a job.

25:41 Caller Right. It's a chemical. It's addictive. And it's not a natural thing. It's not an herb. That's so like my Yo-Himby thing here, whatever.

25:48 Adam Yeah. All right. We're going to take a little, take a little break here.

25:51 Caller You're insane.

25:52 Adam Oh, it really has been seven straight days. That's it. No more pot. Not for another day and a half.

25:59 Caller We'll be back after this.

26:00 Caller We're about to get funky, yo.

26:03 Caller This is Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

26:06 Caller Oh, we'll be right back.

26:41 Caller Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

26:50 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Bruce. Dr. Bruce is filling in for Dr. Drew, doing a wonderful job. He's board certified and all that stuff. Drew is going to be back here in a couple of nights. Tommy Chong, you know, from Cheech and Chong and of course his work in Cheech and Chong will be in here tomorrow night to talk about whatever the hell he's up to.

27:15 Caller Seen his name on billboards and it sounds like he's back in business.

27:19 Adam Tommy?

27:19 Caller Yeah.

27:20 Adam You have? What's he doing?

27:22 Caller I think there are comedy routines. Yeah.

27:25 Adam Cheech and Chong are getting back together?

27:26 Caller No, no, no, no, no. I think solo.

27:29 Caller I see.

27:29 Adam All right. Seen his name on billboards, on Bruce? Well, you know he's back.

27:33 Caller Yeah, back in business.

27:34 Caller Nick?

27:35 Yeah.

27:36 Adam You're 13?

27:37 Caller Yeah.

27:37 Adam What's up?

27:39 Caller Yeah. First off, I'll say I love The Man Show.

27:42 Adam Thank you.

27:43 Caller It's the greatest, dude. I laugh so hard at that man.

27:45 Adam Thank you very much.

27:46 Caller Speaking of peeing, when I'm asked to pee, I don't pee afterwards and I'm wondering if there's anything wrong with it.

27:52 Adam Nice segue. You don't pee immediately afterwards?

27:56 Caller Yeah. Well, I don't pee within that hour.

28:00 Adam I see.

28:01 Caller And I orgasm and I calm and everything.

28:04 Caller I see. Hold on.

28:05 Adam Let me write that down. Wow. Way ahead of the game. All right. What about that, Bruce? Is that a problem?

28:12 Caller No, nothing.

28:14 Adam But most guys do. Yeah.

28:15 Caller It's normal not to urinate for a period of time. An hour is probably the outer limits of normal.

28:22 Caller Yeah.

28:22 Adam But what could it mean potentially?

28:26 Caller I have no idea.

28:27 Caller Okay.

28:27 Adam All right. Being honest. He doesn't need to see a doctor, does he?

28:31 Caller No. Thirteen is probably as his organs are still maturing. I don't know how many times he masturbates a day. Some of your listeners seem to have a proclivity for over masturbation.

28:43 Caller Thank you.

28:44 Caller Yeah. So, it doesn't sound like he has any other...

28:48 Caller Fine.

28:49 Adam Good. Curtis.

28:51 Caller Hey.

28:52 Adam Year 16?

28:53 Caller Yeah.

28:54 Adam What's up?

28:55 Caller Well, when my girlfriend gave me a blowjob, like, she doesn't have any sores in her mouth, but she has braces. And now, like, after she was finished, now I have, like, sores on my penis.

29:07 Adam I see. From the braces.

29:08 Caller Well, I don't know. That's what I want to know, if that could work, if that could happen.

29:13 Caller Are you hiding in a closet or...?

29:14 Caller No.

29:15 Caller Oh, okay. Sound a little bit stressed or...?

29:18 Adam You're supposed to be asleep or something, Curtis?

29:21 Caller Yeah, kind of.

29:22 Adam Yeah, I see.

29:23 Caller How old is your girlfriend?

29:24 Adam She's 11.

29:26 Caller Shut up. No, she's 16 also.

29:29 Adam 16?

29:30 Caller Yeah.

29:30 Caller Oh.

29:32 Adam Oral sex for my someone with braces. I like that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. She doesn't have any source in her mouth. Does she have much prior sexual experience?

29:43 Caller I don't really know. I didn't choose to ask her.

29:45 Adam Yeah, good. Very smart of you, Curtis. It's an important lesson to learn. More mystery, less history. That's what I say. But yeah, Curtis, so what are these things on your penis, though? Do they look like friction burns or do they look like herpes?

30:01 Caller Well, I don't really know what herpes look like, but I don't know. They're kind of like small bumps.

30:09 Caller Until the advent of holographic imaging of genitalia, we will not be able to diagnose you over the radio.

30:15 Adam Yes. God willing, though, our children one day, our grandchildren will be able to present. Ah, yes. Their genitalia in a 3-D hologram over the air. All right, but listen, Curtis, her scraping on you with her braces wouldn't cause a series of bumps, would it?

30:32 Caller I don't think so. I didn't think she scraped them.

30:35 Adam Yeah, well, listen, you're getting a BJ. You could have a rusty sprinkler key through your side. You wouldn't feel it, especially at 16. I was actually sitting on a fire when I got my first. I hopped up on the stove. I was in the kitchen. I was actually sitting on an open burner for 25 minutes. I had felt nothing.

30:55 Caller Yeah, that was Einstein's analogy for the theory of relativity.

30:58 Adam It was.

30:58 Caller Sitting on a burner.

30:59 Adam I was sitting on a flapjack skillet, the one in the middle of the old stove, and it was up on full. I felt nothing.

31:08 Caller You did that on purpose, though, just to see if you could invent a new form of anesthesia.

31:13 Adam That's right. All right, so listen, Curtis, if you have bumps on your penis, get it checked out. It could be the braces, could be something else.

31:23 Caller Yeah. The serious answer is when you have oral sex, as Adam was saying, the more, whatever mystery or whatever your little saying was, you don't know where this mouth has been. Was it yesterday, somebody was saying, oh, you can't get venereal infections from oral sex. We certainly can. I've seen oral gonorrhea. You can have herpes. You can have a myriad of infections. You have to get it looked at. A doctor has to visualize your penis.

31:47 Adam Mike? Yes? You're 14. What's up? Well, my friend... Mike, turn your radio down, you moron.

31:59 Caller Oh, I just want to start out by saying, man, y'all rock.

32:02 Adam Thank you. Now turn your radio down.

32:04 Caller It's now.

32:04 Caller Okay.

32:06 Caller I was just saying... I was just saying that my friend Tom, he was supposed to bring over a couple of girls.

32:14 Caller Sure.

32:14 Caller I told him that I was a virgin when I ain't.

32:18 Adam You told the girls you were a virgin?

32:20 Caller No, I told Tom.

32:21 Adam I see.

32:22 Caller You know, he told... He wasn't.

32:24 Caller Yes.

32:24 Caller Sorry about that.

32:25 Caller Yeah.

32:26 Adam Oh, so you told Tom you weren't a virgin?

32:28 Caller Yes.

32:29 Caller Yeah.

32:29 Adam Well, did he bring over a couple of the girls?

32:31 Caller No, he's supposed to do it tomorrow night.

32:33 Adam I see. Where is he going to get these girls? The morgue?

32:36 Caller The corner.

32:38 Caller Oh, I think the corner.

32:39 Caller Yeah. This reminds me of a Leave It To Beaver episode, doesn't it? Where you tell.

32:43 Adam Yeah. So how old is your friend Tom?

32:47 Caller I think he's like 35.

32:53 Adam You're 14. You got a friend who's 35? Yeah. Is he involved with the Catholic Big Brother Organization?

33:01 Caller Yeah.

33:02 Caller Is he bringing over movie cams?

33:03 Caller Yeah.

33:04 Adam Listen, shut up, you idiot. Oh, listen.

33:06 Caller Focus call.

33:07 Caller Yeah.

33:07 Adam Who cares? Whenever they use names, by the way.

33:11 Caller Yeah.

33:11 Caller Bad sign.

33:12 Caller Yeah.

33:12 Adam They go, I think my best friend, Dirk Johnson, is gay because he's always fagging off. And, you know, I worry about Dirk Johnson, my friend.

33:28 Faggot better run.

33:30 Adam That's right. Mike?

33:32 Caller Yeah.

33:33 Adam You're also 14 and you're also, what, named Mike?

33:37 Caller Yes.

33:37 Adam Yeah. He's the real Mike. You're starting to like your best friend?

33:40 Yeah.

33:42 Adam Your male best friend?

33:43 No.

33:44 Adam Female?

33:45 Yes.

33:46 Adam All right. Yeah. And how old is she?

33:48 She's 14 too.

33:49 Adam I see. And what's the problem?

33:52 Well, we'll see. We went to a dance about two weeks ago. And I like got I went up and like asked her a dance and stuff because I was beginning to like her and stuff. And she said, yeah. And I was like, OK. And we had a good time. And then the next day I was about to like ask her out and stuff. And she went back to like being my best friend and stuff. You know, you can tell the difference between when a girl likes you and a girl when a girl likes you. And I just felt pretty stupid.

34:18 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

34:20 Now I want to know how to ask her out.

34:21 Adam Well, how did you become good friends with her in the first place? I don't know. You must have liked her.

34:26 Yeah.

34:27 Adam You always liked her.

34:28 Yeah, basically.

34:29 Adam Right. And she never really felt that way about you.

34:33 Right.

34:34 Adam Right. And so you made any kind of relationship you could make. I mean, you really should have just asked her out at the beginning, but you had the feeling she wasn't going to be receptive to that. So you worked your way in by being friends with her. For you to bide your time and ask her out later. And that's what you're planning on doing now. This is a plan that almost every 14, 15 year old guy attempts to execute and it never works. It just doesn't work. I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings or bad news, Mike, but it never works. How long have you been friends with her?

35:12 I don't know, probably about three years.

35:15 Caller What do you do as friends?

35:16 I don't know, we just hang out.

35:18 Adam Oral sex.

35:19 Caller No, listen, have the best of both worlds. Continue to do things as friends. I mean, the important thing is that you spend time with her. Who cares if you have to be able to identify her.

35:28 Adam No, listen, he likes her. He has a crush on her. He wants to be her boyfriend. He doesn't, I mean, sure, he wants to spend time with her, but he wants to have a relationship with her. That's a ridiculous fairy tale type answer you're giving the lad. Mike, you listen to me, not the mean Dr. Bruce. He knows nothing over there.

35:50 Caller I'll finish my answer later.

35:51 Adam Oh, please, yeah, like next week when you're at home. Mike, ask her out, okay?

35:59 Okay.

35:59 Adam And here's the deal. And here's what you need to listen to, because as you know, I'm a genius, right?

36:07 Caller Yeah.

36:07 Adam I understand everything about everyone. I'm Nostradamus, behind the microphone. So here's the deal, Mike. You ask her out on a date, okay? Now, here's what you need to promise me. If she says, you know, I really like you and I really think you're cute and I'm attracted to you and I think you're wonderful, but I can't because I don't want to ruin our friendship or I'd love to but my grandparents are coming in town. If she gives you any excuse, any reason why she can't go out on that date with you, no matter how great it is or how complimentary it is, that's it. She don't want to go on a date with you. It's not going to hurt to ask, but do not keep pining away for her when she says, I think you're cute, I think you're wonderful. It's just we're too good of friends. Don't walk away thinking she thinks you're cute. Do you know what I'm saying?

37:04 Caller Yeah.

37:05 Adam She doesn't think you're cute. She's being nice and you got to hear that. So ask her out and if she says no, do not ask her out anymore.

37:14 Caller What do you guys do as friends?

37:15 Caller What kind of stuff? I don't know.

37:17 Caller Just go to the skate board, go to the mall.

37:19 Adam Who cares? Just ask her out. You know what I mean? How much of that did you do, Bruce? I'm guessing you do a fair amount of it now. But when you're a young teenage boy, I must have asked or at least pined away for the same girl that had virtually no interest in me from the word go, and I couldn't get it or accept it or hear it or understand it. The fact that she didn't like me was not really a factor. And it is a huge factor. And as you get older, you realize, hey, you asked somebody out and they don't want to go? They don't want to go.

37:58 Caller I was just picking up on the next day, it sounded like she was not excited about being his boyfriend.

38:02 Adam No, she's not going to go out with the guy. She's not interested. And listen here, fellas, and I'll tell you this, not from personal experience, but I have friends who women find attractive. And here's the deal. I know men are supposed to be asking women out and be the aggressors and women are coy, so on and so forth. When a woman likes you, she will let you know. Believe me, she'll let you know.

38:28 Caller And teenage girls are a little ahead of the guys anyway.

38:31 Adam They will let you know. You will know. I'm not saying they're going to pull their pants down and chase you down the school hall, but they will let you know. Believe me, they'll let you know.

38:42 Caller The guy could learn to take a hint, it would be a huge benefit, huge advantage.

38:46 Adam They will let you know if they like you and they will let you know if they don't like you.

38:50 Caller But the guys ain't going to listen, like you said when you're...

38:54 Adam Nope, they will not listen. Leon?

38:56 Caller Yeah.

38:57 Adam You're 20.

38:58 Caller Balls are tingling, Adam.

38:59 Caller Good, good time.

39:00 Caller All his fans' balls tingle.

39:02 Adam That's really amazing.

39:03 Caller That's the best way to start off a conversation.

39:05 Adam Well, hold on a second. Leon, we're running late for break here. Your girlfriend has a vaginal discharge, right?

39:12 Caller Yeah, and a lovely scent to go with it.

39:14 Adam Fantabulous.

39:15 Caller You are the typical Adam Corolla fan, I think.

39:17 Adam Is it fresh cut pine?

39:20 Dr. Bruce You know, it's more just the antiseptic scent. I see.

39:23 Caller I don't know.

39:25 Caller There's no good lemon fresh.

39:26 Adam All right, hold on a second. We're going to have to take ourselves a little break. We'll get to the bottom of Leon's girlfriend's vagina after this.

39:39 Caller Loveline will be right back.

40:12 Caller Yep, yep. Arr. He he he he.

40:16 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Bruce over there. He's board certified, so don't you worry. You're pretty little minds about that. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Tommy Chong will be in here tomorrow night, then Papa Roach, and then on Thursday night, Long Beach Dub All Stars, who have had on the TV show a few months back and we're in here. Good guys, and we'll talk to them, this little belch. Now, our last caller seemed to have dropped off. Is he not?

40:50 Caller Balls itching. Oh no, balls tingling.

40:53 Adam That's right.

40:53 Caller Something else itching.

40:55 Adam Gone, right? Fine. We're moving on. We can't live in the past. Jen?

41:00 Yeah, hey.

41:00 Adam Hey, you're 22. What's up?

41:03 Caller Well, I was calling to ask you what you thought about whether or not you fantasized about women when you're having sex with men, if that was a normal thing because they're more foreign to you or if that's-

41:18 Caller You're gay.

41:20 Caller You're asking about if Adam does, when he's having sex with men, fantasize about women?

41:23 Adam Once in a while, I think about my mother when I'm having sex with men. Is that what you're asking, Jen?

41:28 Caller No, I'm-

41:29 Adam No, I'm confused then. I just got done whacking off to my mom. Anderson, where do you get that? You must have some guy come in here and do impersonation. Listen, for women, all bets are off sexually. Here's the bottom line. I don't know why you or anybody examines these fantasies or these thoughts or dreams too closely. You're with a guy, right? You like the guy. Have you ever been with a woman?

41:58 Caller Yeah.

41:59 Adam Oh, you have? Well, now we're getting somewhere.

42:01 Caller All bets are off.

42:02 Adam Do you have intentions of being with a woman again?

42:08 Caller Possibly, if that relationship that I'm in right now ended, but I didn't plan on it ending anytime soon.

42:16 Adam I don't know exactly. You're saying you may be with a woman at some point.

42:21 Caller Yeah, I haven't ruled it out.

42:23 Caller So you're bisexual?

42:25 Caller I would say I think I may be, but I'm wondering if I know that people go through curiosity stages and then go out of it. So I don't know if I could say that I am forever.

42:38 Caller Well, in the teenage years, there are many feelings that are not really clear-cut, many homophobic feelings in the part of younger, teenage males.

42:49 Adam Did you get molested?

42:51 Caller I had been when I was younger, but by a man. Sure.

42:54 Adam But yeah, by a man, certainly. But listen, that's why you're all screwed up. You ever get any help for that?

43:00 Caller Yeah, actually I do.

43:02 Adam You did?

43:03 Yeah, and I still do.

43:04 Adam Okay, good.

43:05 Caller Have you talked to your therapist about it?

43:07 Adam She's having sex with him.

43:08 Caller No. Her.

43:10 Caller No, no.

43:10 Caller It.

43:11 Adam No?

43:12 Caller No, I'm not. I see. I'm still talking about it. I've gone in and out of it. I haven't found a good therapist that I've bonded with at all.

43:21 Caller I wouldn't worry about the dreams, but really, you know, Adam hit on a very good point there, asking you if you've had any molestation. And things like this are common, but the important thing is to really make a point of finding a therapist you're comfortable with and follow through on it. And this type of thing will probably go away.

43:39 Adam Yeah, I'm sure of it. I'm sorry. I got my video camera in here. Gina, you're 15. What's up?

43:47 Caller Okay, I just want to say you're my god, Adam.

43:49 Adam Oh, really?

43:49 Caller Yeah.

43:50 Adam Yeah, well, get in line. I'm a lot of people's gods.

43:53 Caller Why?

43:54 Caller Yeah.

43:55 Caller Have you seen his face? I mean, have you seen him?

43:57 Caller Yeah, I've seen him. Yeah.

43:59 Caller Did that change your feelings? Okay, well, I won't even make any sense.

44:03 Adam I've been described as ruggedly handsome with a matinee idol type look.

44:08 Caller There's a Washington Post guy that describes it like that.

44:10 Caller Oh, yeah.

44:10 Caller The gay guy.

44:11 Adam Oh, yeah. Tom Schales.

44:13 Caller Yeah, he likes you, I heard.

44:14 Adam Yeah, he called me a Neanderthal. That's right. Yeah, what's up there, Gina?

44:20 Caller Um, this one guy, he kissed me.

44:23 Caller I think he had a sore in his mouth, and I want to know if I could get it.

44:28 Adam It's possible. Do you have it? How long ago did you kiss him?

44:31 Caller A week ago.

44:33 Caller Do you have any sores yet? Probably lucky.

44:37 Adam Yeah, you're fine, I'm sure.

44:38 Caller And then I also have another question. How do you know if you're depressed or something?

44:45 Caller How do you know if you're depressed?

44:47 Caller I always feel sad and I'm kidding myself.

44:50 Adam Yeah, just assume. Do what I do. Assume you're miserable at all times. Then if you find out you're not miserable, well, then you're way ahead of the game. That's a great way to approach life.

45:01 Caller You know, especially feeling like you don't want to be alive, feeling like you want to hurt yourself, that's really serious and a reason to go see a therapist. A lot of people just feel sad a lot of the time, but when it starts getting to the point where you're not feeling like eating or your sleep is interrupted, you can't get to sleep, you're tired all the time, just things that are not normal for you, those are signs that the depression is getting more serious and you need to see somebody.

45:30 Adam All 15 year olds go through something, but you may be going through more than most.

45:34 Caller When wanting to hurt yourself and probably there's some family issues there, I don't know if we're going to ask Gina.

45:40 Adam No. Listen, we can't save her. When this is an entertainment show, Bruce, please stop trying to help people.

45:47 Caller Don't fly my ear.

45:48 Caller He is a world class dick.

45:50 Adam Yes, that's Drew talking about Dr. Bruce. Carol?

45:54 Caller Hi.

45:54 Adam You're 17. What's up?

45:56 Caller Yeah. I've been going out with my boyfriend for a year and six months almost. It's like he wants me to have a special and of course with him.

46:04 Adam I see.

46:05 Caller I'm not really sexually attracted to him.

46:08 Adam I see. Why have you been going out with him for so long?

46:10 Caller Because I care about him and I love him, but I'm not really attracted to him.

46:18 Adam I see. Well, it's time to break up with him, Carol. You're not doing him any favors.

46:23 Caller But Carol, we applaud your boundaries. The fact that you're going out with somebody and you're not feeling obligated to have sex, you're not sexually active with him, you're able to say no.

46:32 Adam Yeah. She has boundaries because she's not attracted to him. If she thought the guy was good looking, she would have been on him the first date.

46:39 Caller Not necessarily.

46:40 Adam Listen, everyone has boundaries with ugly people. Is he ugly? No problem with that.

46:44 Caller He's not ugly. It's not bad. It's just I don't really find myself attracted to him sexually other than that. He's good looking. It's like a weird problem. With my ex-boyfriend, I was attracted to him, both sexually and physically, but not with him.

46:58 Caller Right. Okay.

46:59 Adam Break up. You're not into him. It's been going on too long. It's all right. It happens.

47:06 Caller Is he pressuring you for sex?

47:07 Caller No, he's not. It's just the way that he tells me. He's like, yeah, I'm waiting. I'm like, well, I can't pressure myself either, but it's just...

47:17 Adam All right. Listen, Carol, break up. It's been a year and a half. You're not into him.

47:21 Caller If he's not pressuring you for sex, you enjoy his company.

47:25 Adam There's no reason to break up. She's not into the guy. She's not into him.

47:29 Caller So what's the problem with spending time with somebody you enjoy?

47:33 Adam What about him?

47:34 Caller She said he's not pressuring her for sex.

47:36 Adam Do you want to be with someone who's not into you?

47:39 Caller Me? I really...

47:41 Adam You got no choice. Ain't nobody into you. Your wife should get an Academy Award. All right, we'll take ourselves a little break and we'll be back with more of the Fabulous Show. And the doctor drew a boogie and or a shuffle after this.

47:54 Caller Let's have some more fun.

47:56 Caller Okay, let's do it.

47:58 Caller Call Love Line, 1-800-LOVE-191. Love Line, we'll be right back.

48:44 Adam Yeah, it is Loveline of Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Bruce, filling in for Dr. Drew. He's board certified kiddies. Don't worry about it. He can do whatever Drew can do, just not quite as well. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Tommy Chong will be in here tomorrow night. Papa Roach will be in here on Wednesday, and then Long Beach Dub All Stars. We'll be in here Thursday night. Now, as I said at the top of the show, because of my partner's absence, that's Dr. Drew. He's chasing money across the state, as he normally does this time of year. I think we should pay a little homage to him by playing the Dr. Drew. Well let's hear the shuffle or boogie, Anderson, and then later on maybe we'll hear the boogie. Alright?

49:33 Caller Pee on this stick. Makes me sick. Pee on this stick. Makes me sick. If I find you stealing my underwear again, here's what's gonna happen. Asshole. Stuff like this, stuff like this, stuff like this makes me sick. You're fat. Asshole. You're fat. Can I say that? You're fat.

49:52 Caller Art, you're overweight.

49:53 Caller I wanna be dominated. You're gay. I wanna be dominated. You're gay. When I was 19, I ate about four boiled peyote buttons and stayed up all night but felt no effect. It's called intimacy. Can I say that? This is not acceptable. Can I say that? You're fat. Not acceptable. Pee on this stick. Can I say that? Can I say that? Jizz guzzling.

50:21 Adam Jizz guzzling. Jesus Christ. Anderson, what else you got? Any more good drops over there?

50:28 Caller Yes, Your Royal Highness. Get your moist ass down.

50:35 Adam Where did that come from? In fairness to Drew, he was drunk that night.

50:37 Caller I remember. Unacceptable. Who do you think you're talking to?

50:42 Adam Oh, boy. Yeah, I guess we've gotten a share of arguments over the years.

50:46 Caller I can't imagine why. He's so reasonable and easy to get along with.

50:50 Adam Oh, man. He's so combative, that Dr. Drew.

50:54 You are my teacher.

50:55 Adam There we go. Andrea?

50:57 Caller Yeah.

50:58 Adam Year 15, what's up?

50:59 Caller Yeah. I'm kind of going out with this guy. He's 18. He thinks I'm like 17, and I just want to figure out how to tell him that I'm really 15.

51:07 Adam Yeah. Why does he think you're 17?

51:09 Caller Because I told him.

51:10 Adam Oh, I see. Yeah. That's interesting. Where did you meet him?

51:17 Caller Like in Lake Tahoe.

51:19 Adam I see. Does he live around you? Yeah.

51:23 Caller Well, he lives in Lake Tahoe, and I talked to him every night on the phone. We're like, we have a good dingo, and I didn't want to ruin it by telling him that.

51:31 Adam Where do you live?

51:32 Caller Plasterville.

51:33 Adam Oh, Plasterville?

51:35 Caller Yeah.

51:35 Adam Really?

51:36 Caller Yeah.

51:36 Adam Up there by Sacramento?

51:38 Caller Yeah.

51:39 Adam Nice country.

51:40 Caller Oh, yeah. Beautiful.

51:42 Caller Yeah.

51:42 Caller You have any friends your age?

51:43 Caller Yeah.

51:44 Adam How far is that from Tahoe? A couple hours?

51:46 Caller No, about an hour.

51:48 Caller Maybe less. I don't know how you drive.

51:50 Adam I see.

51:50 Caller Too close for her.

51:51 Caller Yeah.

51:52 Adam And yeah, what about folks your own age out there in beautiful, the bustling metropolis of Plasterville?

51:59 Caller Oh, yeah.

52:02 Caller I just don't know.

52:03 Caller I just met him and he's really great.

52:05 Adam Plasterville, that's next to Drywallburg, isn't it? No. No. It's not near Stuccoville.

52:15 Caller She is saying Plasterville.

52:18 Adam I call it Plasterville.

52:19 Caller Oh, yeah. People call it that all the time.

52:21 Adam Thank you. All right. So, listen, you're probably going to have to end this one because you're 15 and he's 18. And you guys are on a little different calendar sexually.

52:32 Caller Yeah.

52:32 Adam Or at least you should be.

52:34 Caller Yeah. The other thing is you said you got a good thing. Well, a good thing in a relationship, not that everybody practices it, but honesty is really important. And the longer you go without telling him, you know, that's a dishonesty that's in there. And, you know, when he finds out, he's not going to trust you, because you've, you know.

52:51 Adam What does he do over in Lake Tahoe?

52:55 Caller He works out in the wilderness.

52:59 Adam I see. He's a trapper?

53:00 Caller No. He works for CCC, California Conservation Corps.

53:06 Caller Uh-oh.

53:07 Adam Let me tell you what I hear when I hear CCC. Criminal.

53:12 Caller That's a convict.

53:14 Caller No.

53:14 Adam Yes. All those people that get involved with the California Conservation, whatever. Let me tell you what that is. It would stop me if I'm wrong here, Bruce. But it's a combination of the military meets the prison system, isn't it?

53:29 Caller It can be.

53:30 Adam I mean, don't they send the troublemakers to those places?

53:33 Caller No, that's work project.

53:35 Adam Yeah. All right. What's he do with the CCC?

53:37 Caller He works in like, you know, out in the woods, like preserving trees.

53:43 Caller Listen, he's eventually going to be working out with the trees with the prisoners and be a prisoner if he doesn't find out you're 15. Yeah.

53:50 Adam Have you had sex with him yet?

53:53 Caller Uh, no.

53:53 Caller Huh?

53:54 Caller No.

53:54 Caller Huh?

53:56 Adam Yes, you have. Of course you have.

53:58 Caller Adam is all knowing, all seeing, Nostradamus of the airwaves.

54:02 Caller Yes.

54:02 Caller Do not lie.

54:03 Adam How dare you attempt to pull the bull over the omnipotent one's eyes.

54:07 Caller You remind me more of the Wizard of Oz.

54:09 Caller Thank you.

54:10 Caller Blowing a lot of smoke. Listen, what do you think is going to happen when he finds out you're 15?

54:16 Caller I think he'll be kind of mad.

54:17 Caller Right. Does he have a right to be mad?

54:19 Caller Oh, yeah.

54:20 Caller Okay. So, the best thing he could do is to tell him right away. And, you know, what happens happens. That's the way life is. And you're really taking a lot of risks. And you're taking a risk for somebody else. You ever see those? I saw that another billboard saying, if you didn't, you know, ignorance of their age isn't an excuse for statutory rape.

54:41 Adam That means you're in a bad neighborhood, by the way.

54:45 Caller What do you mean?

54:46 Adam Too many billboards for statutory rape and Colt 45.

54:51 Caller You ever been to San Bernardino?

54:52 Adam It means you're in a bad neighborhood. That's where I live.

54:55 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

54:57 Caller Unlike a celebrity like yourself.

55:00 Adam PSAs on meth labs are running late at night.

55:03 Caller Where you live in the Hollywood Hills, the 15-year-olds are all in the houses there.

55:09 Adam Okay, Bruce. Really. Again, remember I had that little conversation about you attempting to be entertaining at the top of the show.

55:15 Caller Don't accuse me of going into bad neighborhoods.

55:17 Adam You're not going into them. You live in one. That's all.

55:21 Caller All right. Here's your buddy.

55:23 Adam Leon?

55:24 Caller Yes.

55:24 Adam You're 20.

55:25 Caller Exactly. The balls.

55:27 Adam Yeah, tingly balls. What happened to you? You know what?

55:29 Caller I feared them like leaving me.

55:31 Caller Actually, the phone died.

55:33 Adam Oh, I see. Ran out of batteries?

55:34 Dr. Bruce Ran out of battery.

55:35 Caller Went to change it over.

55:37 Adam Bad times.

55:37 Caller Yeah, very unfortunate.

55:38 Adam All right. So what is your question?

55:40 Caller My question is, A, am I going to die? And...

55:44 Adam Yes.

55:45 Caller Yeah, that's what I figured. Yeah. Okay.

55:48 Caller Well, the girlfriend thing, I'm just curious, is it a yeast infection, most likely?

55:52 Caller Or is there something seriously wrong going down?

55:55 Adam She has a white discharge.

55:57 Caller It's not very white, kind of clear, with a little bit of white.

56:01 Adam I see. And...

56:02 Caller You can ask about the odor, Adam?

56:03 Adam She doesn't... There's an odor to it.

56:05 Caller There's like a lemon fresh odor.

56:07 Adam And we established it was not lemon or fresh cut pine.

56:10 Caller Yes.

56:11 Adam And isn't she interested in checking this out?

56:14 Caller Yeah, it's very...

56:15 Caller This is very recently going down, so...

56:17 Adam All right. Well, listen, let's not play armchair gynecologist as much as I enjoy it. I think what you should do is let her go to the gynecologist and then she'll come back with an answer.

56:29 Dr. Bruce What about myself?

56:31 Adam You're fine.

56:32 Caller I'm fine.

56:33 Adam Yeah.

56:33 Caller Just the tingly, hypochondriac thing going on?

56:36 Adam Yeah, I don't... Bruce, you correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't... I've not heard of any venereal diseases that involve tingly balls as a sensation or as a symptom of the venereal disease.

56:50 Caller Well, a herpes virus, viral disorders can cause, before you actually see a rash, you can get tingling, itching, burning, pain.

56:59 Adam Right.

56:59 Caller But that's not a classic sign. The whole thing is, just as you don't know what she has, other than you know she has a discharge, he doesn't know. And the best way to start this office for her to go get a pelvic exam, get cultures.

57:12 Adam There you go.

57:13 Caller And hopefully he doesn't have a problem.

57:15 Adam Andrew.

57:16 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

57:16 Adam You're 16. What's up?

57:17 Dr. Bruce Hey, I want to know, like, I smoked weed probably like seven days ago. And I probably do it three times a month. And I had a drug test three days ago. And I wanted to know, is it going to show up on the drug test? And if it does, like, how many days can you go until it won't show up?

57:33 Adam Where are you trying to get a job? Walmart?

57:35 Dr. Bruce No, I'm trying to get a job actually at, like, Robinson's, like, a department store.

57:39 Adam Oh, really? You do drug testing too now, huh?

57:42 Caller What would you say he sounds like? Three times a month? Three times a week?

57:44 Adam Yeah, well, listen, here's what I found out from our listeners, who say they smoke twice a week. They think there's only three days in a week. So the smokers that say they smoke three times a month probably only think there's eight or nine days in a month. Is that true, Andrew?

58:02 Dr. Bruce Yeah, you're always right, Andrew.

58:03 Adam Thank you. So really, you really smoke more like a couple times a week, right?

58:08 Caller He sounds like three times a week.

58:09 Dr. Bruce No, actually, seriously, three times a month.

58:12 Adam Three times a month? Okay, you smoke a kilo three times a month, right?

58:16 Dr. Bruce No.

58:17 Adam No, I see.

58:17 Dr. Bruce Like an eighth.

58:18 Adam Okay. Weeds... You go through an eighth a month. Yeah. Is that what you're saying?

58:23 Caller In three sittings. I don't buy.

58:25 Adam Yeah, I don't either. Let me tell you, Andrew, I know I don't have to tell you, an eighth takes a little bit of work to get through. I mean, an eighth... Hold on a second. Let me figure this out. I'd like to get an definitive answer to this, but I can't. An eighth of weed is probably going to garner you about, I'd say about 12 joints.

58:50 Caller 10, 12, right.

58:50 Adam 10, 12 joints. Wouldn't you say, Bruce?

58:53 Caller Fatty.

58:54 Adam How do you know so much?

58:55 Caller I'm a drug doctor.

58:56 Adam Let me tell you the kind of joints that roll in Jamaica. Holy Christ.

59:00 Caller Oh, that's. Big bags of that stuff out there.

59:02 Adam My God. They don't fool around. Nothing gets done over there.

59:05 Caller They have quality control, don't they?

59:06 Adam The point is, an eighth of a roll gets you about 10 joints. And hey, if you smoke a joint in a day, you're smoking. I mean, I can be high all day off one joint. No problem. So the point is, if you're smoking an eighth a month, you should be smoking more like 10 times a month than three times a month.

59:29 Caller And the less frequently you smoke, the less it's going to take. So this guy's got some inconsistencies.

59:34 Adam Yes. Andrew?

59:35 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

59:35 Adam Eighth of a month means those three days, you must just toke out the entire day, right?

59:41 Dr. Bruce Well, I smoke like a gram each day, three grams in an eighth. All right.

59:47 Adam I still can't figure out why only three days out of a month, you have a smoke out. You know what I'm saying? Seems like someone who smoked that infrequently would just smoke a little bit, get high and all right. So we don't believe you necessarily, but be that as it may.

1:00:02 Caller Your job depends on our advice.

1:00:04 Adam The pot stays in your system for quite some time. I have a... Drew has never given me a good answer on this one. How long has it been since you smoked last?

1:00:13 Dr. Bruce About seven days.

1:00:14 Adam Okay. When do you get the test?

1:00:16 Dr. Bruce I got it three days ago, so I don't know when I'm going to get it now.

1:00:18 Caller How much did you smoke? I mean...

1:00:20 Dr. Bruce Well, like, I smoked a gram.

1:00:23 Caller Okay.

1:00:24 Adam And there's three grams in an eighth ounce, right?

1:00:27 Caller Yeah.

1:00:28 Caller Okay.

1:00:29 Adam What is it, 24 grams in an ounce? Is that how it goes? Uh-huh.

1:00:34 Caller Yeah.

1:00:35 Adam Let me tell you, the whole metric thing, so far that's been the only practical application for it as far as Americans go. Well, coke, you know, eight balls and grams and quarter grams and ounces and, I mean, not ounces, but, you know, kilos. I mean, the whole metric thing is basically the only practical application it has is toward drug measurement. And I can, I can, I would like, I'll tell you something, when I'm in charge, we will convert drugs over to standard. We will no longer use the metric system when it comes to drugs.

1:01:12 Caller It gets complex, but no matter how much of a drug induced stupor my patient's in when I interview them, they cannot remember their parents or where they grew up, but like that, they can calculate dosages.

1:01:22 Adam Well, listen, I remember, I'm going to sue the LA Unified School System for telling me, for brainwashing me in 1977, 1978, here comes the metric system. I mean, I don't remember anything from the sixth grade, but I'll tell you the one thing I remember is Mrs. Parker sitting me down and saying, listen, there are going to be two types of people in the future. They're going to be the people who know the metric system, and then they'll be the rest of the people. Those will be the unemployed. You understand? Because we are switching over to metric, and you will have to learn this as if it was some new language that you're going to have to learn in order to be employed. I'm waiting. Where is it? I have not seen anything except for as it pertains to drugs. So again, another good reason not to listen to your teachers, everyone. And I'm sure, Bruce, you're a couple of years older than me, but I'm sure you were probably in high school or something when the metric system came about, right?

1:02:28 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:02:29 Adam Where were you in 1977, 78?

1:02:33 Caller I don't want to say.

1:02:34 Adam Where were you? Seriously, were you in high school?

1:02:36 Caller I was in medical school.

1:02:37 Adam Really? Jeez, you're old. Yeah, it's only because of your boyish charm and the fact that you eat rice krispie treats and jolt that people assume you're younger, right? Medical school in 77? Oh, jeez, I'd love to see a picture of that hair.

1:02:55 Caller I look the same, way the same.

1:02:57 Adam Well, were they trying to give you the metric system in... Well, you had to learn that.

1:03:01 Caller Yeah, they were pushing the metric system in the late 60s, jeez.

1:03:04 Adam Oh, they were?

1:03:05 Caller Yeah.

1:03:06 Caller They had it for people to calculate the marijuana doses. Right.

1:03:09 Adam Let me tell you guys about the metric system for just one second. It actually makes a... It does make a certain degree of sense. It's just not going to work. I mean, like, when I used to do Carpentry, I used to work at a metric European cabinet shop. And, you know, if you got a 10-millimeter drill bit and it's a little bit too small, then you just move up to the 11. When you're dealing with standard, it's like you have the 13-64s drill bit and it's too small. So what do you go for? Do you go for the 7-16s or do you go for the 12-30 seconds? You do the math. You'll never figure it out. The millimeter system is a lot better, but then it gets in the rest of the thing. And I don't know.

1:03:54 Caller All right.

1:03:55 Adam That just fizzled out. Mike?

1:03:57 Caller Yeah?

1:03:58 Adam You're 15. What's up?

1:03:59 Caller Actually, I'm 14.

1:04:01 Adam I understand. What's going on?

1:04:03 Caller Well, me and my girlfriend like to have sex every once in a while.

1:04:06 Adam Yeah, sure.

1:04:06 Caller And when we do, I like to finger her sometimes. And when I do...

1:04:11 Adam Who says chivalry is dead, by the way? Yes, what's that, Mike?

1:04:16 Caller When I finger her, white crap comes out of her vagina.

1:04:20 Adam That's her nougatie center.

1:04:23 Caller Yeah.

1:04:24 Adam Yeah, okay. And Mike's not amused, by the way. But listen, when you're 14 and you're finger banging girls and having sex with them, I guess... Are you having intercourse with her?

1:04:35 Caller Sometimes.

1:04:36 Adam Sometimes?

1:04:37 Caller Yeah.

1:04:38 Adam I see. How old is she?

1:04:39 Caller She's 16.

1:04:41 Adam Oh, Jesus. Are you using any kind of birth control?

1:04:45 Caller Not me.

1:04:46 Adam Right. I understand. You're not on the pill currently?

1:04:48 Caller Not me.

1:04:49 Adam You don't have an IUD in your ass? No. I see. But she's on something?

1:04:55 Caller Not that I know of.

1:04:56 Adam Oh, I see. Okay. So not you or not her, but somebody's using it, God willing, right?

1:05:01 Caller Hopefully.

1:05:01 Adam I see.

1:05:02 Caller Okay. Hey, Mike.

1:05:04 Caller Yeah.

1:05:04 Adam You know, you're liable to get her pregnant, right?

1:05:06 Caller Yeah.

1:05:07 Adam You understand that?

1:05:08 Caller Yeah.

1:05:09 Adam Yeah. You understand that that could be something that could profoundly affect your life in a negative way?

1:05:16 Caller Yeah.

1:05:17 Adam You know what I'm saying? All those dreams you had about being a diesel mechanic, they'd all be put on hold if you had a child now. You see what I'm saying?

1:05:27 Caller Yeah.

1:05:28 Adam Yeah. You should not get her pregnant, Mike. You understand?

1:05:32 Caller Yeah.

1:05:33 Adam Hey, Mike.

1:05:33 Caller Yeah.

1:05:34 Adam Are you listening to me, you little jackass?

1:05:36 Caller Uh-huh.

1:05:37 Caller Okay.

1:05:37 Adam Because I don't like all this.

1:05:39 Caller Uh-huh. Yeah.

1:05:41 Adam Don't get her pregnant.

1:05:43 Caller Where's your mom and dad? Let's hear mom and dad history.

1:05:45 Adam All right. Where is your mom and dad?

1:05:47 Caller My mom is coming home from work and my dad is at work.

1:05:51 Adam I see.

1:05:52 Caller When are you off with your girlfriend? Maybe we can figure out how to incarcerate you.

1:05:56 Adam They both work the graveyard?

1:05:59 Caller Sometimes.

1:06:00 Adam What do they do?

1:06:01 Caller My mom works at a state hospital. My dad works at a prison.

1:06:04 Caller Oh, boy.

1:06:05 Adam All right. You're going to end up in one of those two places if you get her pregnant.

1:06:09 Caller They leave you home. So where's your girlfriend's parents? We got to lock one of you guys up. I don't think there's any hope in these kids.

1:06:15 Adam We're not going to do anything. Listen, Mike, tell your girlfriend she needs to go to Planned Parenthood and get herself an exam. Make sure she doesn't have some sort of infection or something, okay? Meanwhile, you tell her to pick up some condoms while she's over there or she needs to get on birth control. Get her to Planned Parenthood and just tell her to talk about what she's doing and see if you can't get some of this stuff fixed up. You have to get on some kind of birth control.

1:06:40 Caller She's got white stuff and they discharge it could be an infection, but the chances of this guy listening are probably.

1:06:48 Adam Just tell your girlfriend she needs to go to Planned Parenthood and you can look it up in the phone book. That's two P's. Jesus Christ. Could you imagine being when you're 14, Bruce, nailing a 16-year-old, your head would be spinning like a dreidel.

1:07:05 Caller Yeah, my father would spin my head like a dreidel.

1:07:07 Adam Listen, I could only imagine you at 14, all Adam's apple. You must have just been one big nose in Adam's apple.

1:07:17 Caller Yeah, pretty much so.

1:07:18 Adam No way were you getting laid in high school.

1:07:20 Caller Oh, please. No way.

1:07:22 Caller No way is right.

1:07:24 Adam I didn't get laid in high school, and I'm a cool guy.

1:07:27 Caller Oh, yeah, right. Well, you and I are similar.

1:07:29 Caller Hey, how you doing?

1:07:33 Adam Oh, man, that hair of yours. Where'd you go to medical school?

1:07:38 Caller How many times have I said that? Loma Linda.

1:07:40 Adam Loma Linda. That's not certified, is it? Are they accredited?

1:07:44 Caller I was back doing an elective at NYU in medical school and I said Loma Linda and they go, Oh, is that in southern Mexico or northern Mexico? Yes, somebody certified them out there.

1:07:54 Adam All right. So barely any formal education is what you're saying.

1:07:59 Caller No, medical schools, they all have to be in the same. They're all in the same category of high quality education. Yeah. The thing is, can you imagine where is this kid's parents and where are their heads?

1:08:10 Adam They're work in the graveyard.

1:08:11 Caller You spent two minutes talking to this kid, you know he's up to no good. They're work in the graveyard, leaving him home alone and the 16-year-old's parents are equally oblivious.

1:08:19 Adam Listen, you're not going to talk a 14-year-old out of Poon Tang, but just make sure she goes to play in parenthood. Hopefully, they'll get her on the pill or something.

1:08:30 Caller Dream on.

1:08:30 Adam Doug? Yeah. Well, listen, Bruce, I know you're Bible thumper. You against playing parenthood? No, no.

1:08:36 Caller I said, I don't think the kid's-

1:08:37 Adam I know.

1:08:38 Caller He's just not showing any-

1:08:39 Adam Good. I'm moving to Canada. You can all write here. Doug, you're 16. What's up?

1:08:44 Caller Yeah. Every time I go to get in a relationship with a girl, I always end up becoming a friend. It sucks. I can't go out with any girl because she sees me as, you know, you're going to listen to my problems and everything.

1:09:00 Caller I don't know.

1:09:01 Caller Yeah.

1:09:02 Caller Did you hear the last caller? The 14-year-old that's having sex with the 16-year-old?

1:09:05 Caller Yeah.

1:09:06 Caller Do you want to be like him?

1:09:08 Adam Well, I'd like to get laid like him.

1:09:10 Caller The one time I had sex with was with an 18-year-old girl.

1:09:12 Adam I see.

1:09:14 Caller All right.

1:09:14 Adam Doug, you're one of those nice guys, right?

1:09:16 Caller Yeah.

1:09:17 Caller Yeah.

1:09:17 Adam You're a saver.

1:09:18 Caller Exactly.

1:09:19 Adam Bruce knows all about it. Listen, we're not going to change it by having one conversation with you. I got to be honest with you.

1:09:26 Caller Thank God.

1:09:27 Adam But I can impart a little bit of knowledge to you. I used to be one of these friendly guys too. Listen, here's the deal. When you meet a woman who you're attracted to from now on, attempt to go out with her. Do not attempt to get to know her. Attempt to go out with her. Because if you attempt to get to know her, you'll be friends. Three months will pass in the blink of an eye, and you two will be the best of buddies. Yep. Don't ever establish that relationship with them in the first place if you're interested in going out with them. You must ask them out immediately. If they do not want to go out with you, that is all right. Then you can go out with somebody else, or you can become friends with them later on. But you must ask women out immediately. And Doug, I know you're scared S-less of it, but women expect to be asked out. And they don't have a problem with it. They really don't. And they're not going to look at you in a negative way because you did, even if they don't want to go out with you. Do you know what I'm saying? I mean, you got to understand this, fellas. Women appreciate being asked out for the most part. Talk to any woman who hasn't been asked out in a while, and she'll tell you she wished she was asked out. All right? Number two, they will turn you down. It happens to the best of us. But you must do it anyway.

1:10:49 Caller Right.

1:10:49 Adam That's right.

1:10:50 Caller This one?

1:10:50 Adam What do you want?

1:10:51 Caller I want to talk to Doug.

1:10:52 Adam No. We got to take a break. What do you want to talk to Doug?

1:10:55 Caller I was going to tell him the skills he's developing now are the greatest skills for getting where he wants to go with women later on.

1:11:01 Adam Those jack-off skills? No.

1:11:03 Caller Being friends. Communication. That's what really turns women on. It's true.

1:11:10 Adam It's a damn lie and you know it. The human Adam's apple speaks everybody. Jesus Christ. Bruce giving you tips on dating for Christ's sake. Seriously.

1:11:21 Caller Doug, you're okay, Doug.

1:11:23 Adam Did you have a girlfriend when you were in college? No way.

1:11:27 Caller No. They like.

1:11:31 Adam All right. Listen, we got to take a break. You're not like Drew. Drew's a very passionate man.

1:11:36 Caller Oh, you like that, huh?

1:11:37 Adam Yeah, he likes the ladies. All right. We'll take a break. We'll be back after this. Hey, there, kiddies, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Bruce, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Bruce filling in for Dr. Drew. Tommy Chong of Cheats and Chong will be in here tomorrow night, and we'll hop back on the phone, speak to Chuck. Chuck's 26. Chuck?

1:12:35 Caller Hi, yeah, how you doing there, Adam? I love your show, The Man Show, and nice to hear from you, Dr. Bruce. I have a problem, my wife and I've been married for a couple of years, and my problem is, is occasionally we go out to dinner and movie, we go out to a nice dinner, sit down at a restaurant. I'll have anywhere between one to three beers with dinner, we'll go home, have sex, and after that, I'll have a bad need to urinate right afterwards, and it's always really bad, it burns really bad. But we can go to a party, I'll get bombed, come home, have sex all night long, doesn't really bother me. I have no idea what the problem is and it's always bothered me.

1:13:15 Adam Alright, so, let me get this straight, you have two, three beers, you have sex, it burns.

1:13:23 Caller Yes.

1:13:23 Adam You have eight, ten beers, you have sex, it doesn't burn.

1:13:27 Caller Exactly.

1:13:29 Adam Alright, I have no idea what that could be, what could that be?

1:13:32 Caller Well, people complain of burning sometimes when they get dehydrated, the urine gets very concentrated, that can result in burning, but that doesn't go along with his history of having lots of beers or lots of alcohol.

1:13:45 Adam I see. So you get dehydrated and you're peeing out a higher concentration of acid or solutes, whatever's in the urine other than water. It's uncomfortable. Right.

1:13:56 Caller Now, the fact that it doesn't sound like he has a sexually transmitted disease. Now, the other thing is when you get bombed, you may not be aware of the sensation at that point.

1:14:07 Adam That's an interesting point. Chuck?

1:14:09 Caller I've tried it several ways and I've even ate different foods.

1:14:14 Adam Yeah, but Chuck-

1:14:14 Caller I've been going on since I was 20 and I've done different variations. The only constant I can find is two to three beers, have sex, it burns.

1:14:22 Adam Yeah, but what Bruce is saying is when you've drunken or drunk a 12-pack and you're loaded, you're not feeling much pain. You see what I'm saying?

1:14:34 Caller Even six beers when I'm not really loaded, I just maybe got a sleepy buzz, it still doesn't bother me. Anything over three beers, I really lose it. I mean, I don't get drunk off anything over three beers, but three beers and it doesn't bother me.

1:14:47 Caller But the amount, yeah.

1:14:48 Adam I have no idea.

1:14:48 Caller The variables are the amount of alcohol that you take in, the effect on the concentration.

1:14:53 Adam Does he really need to go to urologist for this? Listen, that's you. Drew, Bruce, there's a certain amount of things out there just sort of you. Right. Aren't they? Can we chalk it up to that's your metabolism, or that's the way your physiology works out?

1:15:10 Caller Right. The thing is, to give advice, when you have so many people listening for advice, if you have burning, you really need to get your analysis, get it checked out. But concentrated urine can also cause that sensation.

1:15:21 Adam Courtney?

1:15:22 Yeah.

1:15:23 Adam You're 16. What's up?

1:15:25 Caller I'm on, I've been on lithium for four months, and I've started to do coke within the last two months, and now I'm starting to hear voices, and I'm wondering if that's from the reaction with the lithium, or if I'm just becoming more crazy.

1:15:37 Adam How much coke, how much coke you doing?

1:15:40 Caller Fairly heavy, I guess you could say.

1:15:43 Caller Well, how much?

1:15:47 Caller I'd say about five lines within two weeks, each month for the past two months.

1:15:53 Adam Hold on a second. First off, Bruce does that off his nightstand before he gets out of bed in the morning, so that ain't much. Five lines, every two-

1:16:01 Caller They're thick ones, they're like thick.

1:16:04 Adam Yeah, like jumbo wiener size lines.

1:16:07 Caller Yeah.

1:16:09 Adam Like a ballpark Frank type lines. Hold on a second. Listen, everybody, if you're doing five jumbo size lines, then say 10 lines. Do you know what I mean? Because we're all picturing a line. Hold on a second. I'm trying to figure out. I would say the average coke line would be, in my mind, would be about three inches long. Yeah. Now Anderson said a dollar bill, but that's six inches. That's a pretty long line. The average, Bruce, just stop me if I'm wrong here. But the average coke line, let's say about three inches, two and a half to three inches, more like the width of a dollar bill than the length of the dollar bill. And about the thickness of, let's say you took like three of those round type toothpicks and put them together, something, you know, maybe a straw.

1:17:05 Caller The only coke line I see is when one of my kids spills her coke. I don't know what you're talking about.

1:17:09 Adam Listen, listen, this is, you know what I'm saying, in the movies.

1:17:13 Caller Yeah, serious call. Courtney.

1:17:15 Adam All right, I'm just trying to figure out, every two weeks you do five big lines.

1:17:19 Caller Well, yeah, I mean, like, I'm best friends with a dealer, so she's always like spitting out wine.

1:17:22 Adam Well, yeah, if you're best friends with a dealer, what are you going to do?

1:17:25 Caller OK, so you take it?

1:17:26 Adam It's a good thing you're not best friends with a manure farmer. You'd have to do that, right?

1:17:33 Caller So you've got bipolar disorder?

1:17:34 Caller Yes.

1:17:35 Caller OK. And have you ever had an addiction problem?

1:17:38 Caller No, but I've always been into drugs.

1:17:40 Caller OK, you know, the only, the question is an interesting question. But I mean, I think it's sort of an intuitively obvious answer. I mean, cocaine makes you crazy. One of the things you have with bipolar disorder, it's, you know, the manic phase. Some people do hear voices. They have very pressured thoughts. And you're taking something that causes the worst parts of your disorder, of your psychiatric disorder. And, you know, for whatever reason, I've never been able to understand why the patients I have that have schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, want to abuse speed or coke, because it just really creates that same situation psychiatrically. But many people do that. And you're really, when you crash and burn, it's going to be really, really bad. So the only thing I could tell you is you're putting your system really at risk in other ways that you can't imagine in terms of lithium is a very dangerous drug. Somebody called last night we were talking about is a very narrow toxic to therapeutic ratio.

1:18:44 Caller So you have your levels checked.

1:18:46 Caller Yeah. But you don't can you.

1:18:48 Adam Hold on a second. Courtney, you got to stop doing the coke. You understand me? Yeah. Yeah. You're really playing with fire here and you already have a problem. Let's not compound that. The lithium is like. Oh, wait. Shut up. Shut up, you screwball. Now listen, stop doing the coke. You want to kill yourself?

1:19:08 Caller No.

1:19:09 Adam You don't?

1:19:10 Caller No.

1:19:10 Adam All right. Well, then stop doing the coke.

1:19:12 Caller Okay.

1:19:13 Adam All right.

1:19:13 Caller Bush doesn't want to start.

1:19:15 Adam I don't know what your problem is and I know you have a bunch of them and I feel bad for you, but you have to take control of your life.

1:19:22 Caller Well, our best friend is a dealer. So.

1:19:23 Adam You're 16 years old. Are you in school?

1:19:26 Caller I'm in summer school.

1:19:27 Adam All right. Are you going back to regular school in the fall?

1:19:30 Caller Yeah.

1:19:30 Adam Okay. Well, get your crap together, would you?

1:19:33 Caller Okay.

1:19:33 Adam Well, wait. Sign up for the yearbook staff or something.

1:19:36 Caller Who can you talk to right now? Who can you talk to tomorrow? I mean, this is not going to go away. You're not going to say no to the dealer.

1:19:42 Adam She doesn't seem like she has a... She doesn't seem like she's that into it. Can you stop, Courtney?

1:19:47 Caller Yeah, if I wanted to.

1:19:48 Caller All right.

1:19:49 Adam Do it. You're on lithium.

1:19:51 Caller Wait a second. Do you have any straight friends?

1:19:52 Caller Yeah, I do. I have two different groups.

1:19:54 Caller Okay. Well, are you willing to stay away from the group that's using? It doesn't sound like you're ready.

1:20:00 Caller Well, no, because I was like I was saying before, but Adam cut me off, is that the lithium is not totally healthy. I'm not totally happy. I'm trying to look for something that's making me fully happy.

1:20:08 Adam Yeah. Well, you're not happy though, but that's not a pharmaceutical thing. I mean, you have to go outside, you have to participate in life, you have to have hobbies and passions.

1:20:18 Caller But when you have, listen, when you have bipolar disorder, when you have that depression, I bet the cocaine makes you feel like you want to feel. I bet she feels great and then you get the side effects and you get the voices and you get the anxiety and the depression kicks in. She needs to, and the thing to realize, you can be on a regimen of medication that makes you feel, you're not going to feel like you're loaded on cocaine, but you can feel okay, you can get rid of that depression, you can get rid of the symptoms of the bipolar disorder.

1:20:46 Adam What are you saying?

1:20:47 Caller Well, I'm saying she can-

1:20:48 Adam What should she do?

1:20:49 Caller Go back to the doctor. All right, let me talk to her for one second.

1:20:52 Adam No.

1:20:52 Caller All right, go back to the doctor. She's not on the right regimen of medication. She's not getting what she can get. The lithium is not-

1:20:59 Adam Get it adjusted.

1:21:00 Caller Working the way it should.

1:21:01 Adam Fine.

1:21:01 Caller She needs something else.

1:21:03 Adam Karen, you're 23. What's up?

1:21:05 Caller Well, whenever I have sex, it's like I have a really strong sensation, like I have to have a bowel movement during sex.

1:21:13 Caller Unacceptable.

1:21:15 Adam I see.

1:21:16 Caller Well, I don't do it, but I feel like I have to.

1:21:18 Caller Yes.

1:21:20 Caller It's painful. I've talked to other girlfriends and everything, and they've never had anything like that happen before. I see. I don't know what's going on.

1:21:29 Adam It's always been that way?

1:21:30 Caller Yeah.

1:21:33 Adam Do you ever try to evacuate your system before the encounter?

1:21:37 Caller Yeah. There's like never anything there.

1:21:40 Adam I see.

1:21:41 Caller The orientation of your colon, your vagina, different people, the sensation that you need to have a bowel movement is a pressure sensation. It's an expansion of your cylindrical colon telling you that you need to evacuate, and your exerting pressure, the orientation of your organs down there is such that you're probably exerting pressure on the colon when you have sex, and it's telling your brain that you need to evacuate.

1:22:04 Adam Do you think she is laid out a little differently than some? Right.

1:22:07 Caller That's what I was trying to say.

1:22:09 Caller I mean, I've asked my gynecologist, and they said that everything looked all right, because I mean, I've never understood why that is.

1:22:15 Adam All right. Well.

1:22:16 Caller Because they're right up against each other.

1:22:18 Caller Well, yeah, but I mean.

1:22:20 Caller It sounds like what Adam was talking about earlier. What's normal in one person is not normal in another, and that sensation, you know, certainly when people have this sensation, they have to defecate and they don't. You worry about colon cancer. It's one of the things you want to get checked out. But at your age, you've been checked out. You chalk it up to.

1:22:39 Adam Well, she didn't have that part checked out.

1:22:40 Caller Yeah, I didn't really have that.

1:22:41 Caller When you do it. Well, listen, when you have a pelvic exam, you're supposed to do a rectal exam.

1:22:46 Adam You are?

1:22:47 Caller I've never had that happen.

1:22:48 Caller Adam doesn't. You don't do that, Adam, with your pelvic exams?

1:22:51 Caller No.

1:22:52 Adam How dare you? How dare you, sir? Wait a minute. Now, wait a minute. When you get a gynecological exam, you don't get a rectal exam, do you? You do? Same price?

1:23:04 Caller I've never had one.

1:23:06 Adam Wait, hold on. Karen, quiet down over there for a second. No, that's all right. Yes, I do want you to back me up on this. Pardon the pun. I have never, I'm no gynecologist, although I could be one, but I'm not a gynecologist. I've talked to many women, they've never talked about a rectal exam during a gynecological visit.

1:23:30 Caller I know you're a gynecologic historian, but I think that you need to research this out a little better. When you do a pelvic exam, you're supposed to do a digital exam with a rectal.

1:23:39 Adam Never heard a woman talk about it. That's all I'm saying, and Karen has shut up. How many times you've been to the gynecologist in your life?

1:23:48 Caller Every year since I was 18.

1:23:49 Adam Okay, and if you ever had this? No. No. So again.

1:23:54 Caller This is an anecdotal report.

1:23:56 Adam Let me explain some about you doctors. Why is it I'm smarter in both you and Drew, and I didn't even go to junior goddamn college? How does that work?

1:24:04 Caller It must be your pot smoking.

1:24:05 Adam Explain that. How do I know more than you two?

1:24:08 Caller Well, we've talked about you, Adam.

1:24:10 Adam Bruce, it does not work this way. Karen, none of your friends who go to the gynecologist have ever talked about this, right?

1:24:17 Caller No. No one that I've talked to.

1:24:19 Adam So again, Bruce is lying.

1:24:20 Caller Where did they go to medical school?

1:24:21 Adam Here's the point, not Loma, Cramp, and Linda. Loma, Linda.

1:24:26 Caller I'm just singing the school song.

1:24:28 Adam Seriously, what part of Mexico is that in?

1:24:31 Caller I love that.

1:24:32 Adam All right, so Karen, maybe you ought to get a little rectal look-see just to play it safe. Yeah, I know. As far as this goes, what about getting yourself into a position?

1:24:44 Caller Well, see, that's what I was wondering.

1:24:45 Adam Yes.

1:24:46 Caller Would that have anything to do with it?

1:24:48 Adam I bet it would. I bet that if he was in some sort of position where he was getting some deep penetration or something that it may aggravate things a little bit.

1:24:56 Caller I mean, your gynecologist didn't take a position history? My goodness.

1:25:00 Caller No.

1:25:02 Adam Wow. I'm one of the wrong persons. Boy, I kind of like Bruce's gynecologist, though. He wants to know what position you're in and then the finger right in the ass.

1:25:09 Caller In the ER, we do a better exam. My God.

1:25:12 Adam All right. Hey, but listen, Bruce, if one were to assume the doggy position, for instance, would it relieve some of the pressure on that area, do you believe? Karen, why don't you just experiment?

1:25:24 Caller Well, see, that's what I mean. I did that like two weeks ago, and that was like when it was the worst.

1:25:28 Adam I see. The doggy?

1:25:30 Caller Yeah.

1:25:30 Adam And also, he's right in the danger zone there, I mean, right?

1:25:34 Caller Yeah.

1:25:34 Adam Bingo. Soft swirl on the bib.

1:25:38 Caller But, I mean, nothing's ever happened.

1:25:40 Adam Do you ever break wind?

1:25:41 Caller No.

1:25:42 Adam Wow. See, because when I feel like I'm going, I'm breaking wind.

1:25:46 Caller Adam, can you demonstrate a position for me? I'm not familiar with your term.

1:25:49 Adam I'm going to show you the wheelbarrow. I want you to...

1:25:52 Caller Stay away from me.

1:25:53 Adam Okay. Here's the point. Okay. She ain't farting. She ain't pooping. She's all right. She has this. Experiment with different positions. I bet you'll work something out. And go talk to the anus doctor. Kate?

1:26:09 Caller Yeah?

1:26:10 Adam We're 14?

1:26:12 Caller Yeah.

1:26:13 Adam Uh, you and your friend were both molested by the same guy?

1:26:16 Caller Right.

1:26:17 Adam How old is the guy?

1:26:18 Caller Well, when we were molested, this was, like, a couple years ago. He was, like, in his 40s.

1:26:24 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

1:26:27 Caller Yeah.

1:26:28 Adam Yeah, I see. And you were 12?

1:26:30 Caller No, we were, like, seven. And we, well, it went on for, like, a couple years.

1:26:35 Adam Oh, okay. But it's, it ended a couple years ago?

1:26:38 Caller It ended one, yeah, it ended about five years ago.

1:26:41 Adam Okay. Didn't you say something happened a couple years ago?

1:26:45 Caller No, that's when it ended.

1:26:47 Adam Five years ago?

1:26:48 Caller Yeah.

1:26:48 Adam Okay. All right. Hold on there, Kate.

1:26:51 Caller Okay.

1:26:52 Adam She's not making good witness for the prosecution. We're going to take a little break and then we're going to figure out what the hell happened to Kate and her friend with the molestation, the 40-year-old and all that after that.

1:27:06 Caller With Anna Crowell and Dr. Drew, we'll be right back before you know it.

1:27:37 Adam Yep, it is Love Line. I'm Adam, that is Dr. Bruce, filming for Dr. Drew and doing a mediocre job.

1:27:44 Caller I just want to say with Karen, since it sounds like she has an inadequate gynecologist, the pressure and pain during sex, she can have a tumor, ovarian tumor or something else. She may need an ultrasound. She needs to see a good gynecologist and get that checked out.

1:27:55 Adam Well, maybe go to another gynecologist. That was our last call. All right, now, when we left off, yeah, we were speaking to Kate. Kate is 14.

1:28:06 Caller Yeah.

1:28:07 Adam She and her friend were both molested by the same gentleman. He was 40 approximately. It started when you were what, seven years old?

1:28:16 Caller Yeah.

1:28:17 Caller Is he dead now, I hope?

1:28:19 Caller No.

1:28:19 Adam Went on for a couple of years.

1:28:21 Caller Yeah, it started when we were six or seven and it went on until we were eight.

1:28:29 Adam Who was this man?

1:28:30 Caller It was my mom's boyfriend.

1:28:33 Adam Good times. And is he still in the picture?

1:28:37 Caller No. We told my mom. We were really close to my mom. We told her and she broke up with him.

1:28:41 Adam Oh, that's nice. And never pressed any charges or anything?

1:28:46 Caller No.

1:28:47 Adam Well, I'm sure he got it out of his system. He'll never do that again. And did you ever get any therapy or anything for him?

1:28:54 Caller No.

1:28:55 Adam I see. It's important. What did he do to you?

1:28:58 Caller He just like touched us and stuff. I mean, it was like, I don't know, because we were little and we didn't know what it was. And it was just like wrong, you know?

1:29:08 Adam Right. You knew it was wrong, but he didn't have sex with you.

1:29:11 Caller No.

1:29:12 Adam I see.

1:29:12 Caller What about your girlfriend? Is she still your friend?

1:29:15 Caller Yeah.

1:29:16 Caller And did she tell her parents?

1:29:18 Caller Yeah. She told her parents. And they didn't really have anything to say about it. They just kind of were like, okay, whatever.

1:29:26 Caller Okay. You really need to talk to somebody. I know it seems like, okay, that was in the past and it's over now. But things like this will come back and cause problems later on when you start having relationships.

1:29:38 Caller Yeah. That's what I was going to ask. Because I want to know if anything was going to like, will it affect me emotionally? I mean, I know it probably will.

1:29:48 Caller It's different in different people, but almost all the time there is some effect. It is the type thing where if you get help, if you talk to somebody, it's going to really make things a lot better. A lot of people are afraid to tell another adult. Usually, once you tell your parents, they have the wherewithal to help you to get to see somebody.

1:30:08 Adam Yeah. This mom, the mom who brought home the molester, and listen, you moms out there. Okay, two things. A, this 40-year-old guy should have his nuts cut off and put in a Polish cannon and fired over the border into Mexico.

1:30:25 Caller Yeah. And I'd love to do it with my mom.

1:30:27 Adam I was able to insult two nationalities with one analogy there. Okay, that's number one. Number two, though, you moms who go out to the truck stops, find the molesters, and bring the fox back to the chicken coop with you, you are just as responsible.

1:30:44 Caller Right.

1:30:45 Adam There's no doubt that the guy is a criminal, and there's no doubt that the guy should be put to death. I have no qualms with that at all. But there's a million a-holes out there, ladies. Do not bring them home to your seven-year-old daughters. Show just a little bit of restraint, please. I know mama was probably goosed by dad or grandpa, and that's why she was attracted to this guy. But understand, if you got a goose, and anyone you're attracted to is probably going to goose your kids. That's going to be the name of my next book.

1:31:15 Caller Here's the thing, the mom doesn't report it, the guy doesn't get consequences, and the kid in the kid's head, it's like, well, it really wasn't that bad. The guy, there needs to be an adult in Kate's life that wants to kill this guy, and that's the emotion, the anger, and the outrage of this happening. I think somebody's got to express that.

1:31:36 Adam Good and healthy, right?

1:31:37 Caller But it's not happening.

1:31:38 Adam If someone did that to your kid, you'd take a rusty farm implement to them, wouldn't you?

1:31:43 Caller I believe in gun control to some extent, but I think there's a, you know, guys like that need to have consequences, and dude, God forbid it's done by people that aren't authorities, but.

1:31:54 Adam Listen, I look at it as just putting them out of their misery, by the way.

1:31:58 Caller Let me ask her one question.

1:31:58 Adam I have no problem with that.

1:31:59 Caller Yeah, let me ask her something.

1:32:00 Adam I don't know.

1:32:01 Caller Kate, is there an adult in your life you can talk to besides your mom? Do you have a minister, school counselor?

1:32:08 Caller Yeah, actually, I do have like a psychiatrist, therapist person.

1:32:13 Caller And you didn't tell him about this?

1:32:14 Caller No, I've only been seeing her for like a few times. I haven't.

1:32:18 Caller Are you comfortable with her? Do you like her?

1:32:20 Caller Yeah.

1:32:21 Caller Can you tell her next time? It's really, really important.

1:32:24 Caller Yeah.

1:32:24 Adam Okay.

1:32:25 Caller Listen, guys like.

1:32:26 Adam Just do that. All right. Listen, we'll see these guys.

1:32:30 Caller People like Kate, they feel guilty. They feel like in some way they caused it to happen. That's universal. And a therapist is going to reassure them and help them to understand better. Kate needs to get angry. She needs to express that anger. And sometimes when adults don't appropriately react with anger like her mom should have, her mom should want to go out and kill the guy, not just let him go.

1:32:50 Adam Well, she probably gave him a nice BJ and sent him on his way. Erin, you're 19. What's up?

1:32:58 Caller Me and my boyfriend have started having sex very frequently and we're having to use a lot of lubricants because I have a hard time getting wet. Is that normal?

1:33:07 Caller Yeah.

1:33:07 Caller Perfectly normal.

1:33:08 Caller Okay, because I just didn't want him to think that I'm like not attracted to him because I'm going to marry this guy.

1:33:13 Adam You are.

1:33:13 Caller Good.

1:33:14 Adam Why aren't you attracted to him?

1:33:16 Caller I am. I'm very sexually attracted to him.

1:33:19 Adam Have you been with other men?

1:33:21 Caller A couple, yeah.

1:33:22 Adam How was the lubrication with those men?

1:33:25 Caller Well, it was only like one time with each guy. I've never been this sexually active.

1:33:31 Adam I see. But how was the lubrication? How come no one can answer one of my goddamn questions? How was the lubrication with those men?

1:33:38 Caller It was fine.

1:33:40 Caller Uh-uh. Where are you going with this?

1:33:41 Adam Well, she's been with a couple of guys. She had fine lubrication with them. Now she's with this guy. Maybe he's gay.

1:33:48 Caller You think he's gay, Adam?

1:33:50 Adam No, I'm saying the proof is in the vaginal pudding, is what I'm saying. Women, the vagina does their talking for them.

1:33:59 Caller And thinking.

1:34:00 Adam No. You want to know if a woman is sexually attracted to you? When you see how much she's lubricated. That's how you can tell. So Erin, you're not lubricating. Maybe you're not attracted to this guy sexually.

1:34:15 Caller I'm very attracted to him sexually.

1:34:17 Adam You are. Well, then lube it up, honey. Yeah, that's fine. You're fine. You use some of that water-soluble stuff, all right? All right. I'll use just a handful of that hair gel. Very nice.

1:34:30 Caller No, not a good idea.

1:34:32 Adam I'll tell you what will work nicely. Perel. Some good dandruff shampoo works nicely.

1:34:38 Caller Yeah. You like the tingly feeling right now.

1:34:40 Caller Yeah.

1:34:40 Adam We'll sell some blue down there.

1:34:42 Caller Ouch.

1:34:43 Caller All right.

1:34:43 Adam All right, Erin.

1:34:44 Caller You're fine.

1:34:45 Adam Good times, huh?

1:34:46 Caller All right. Thanks.

1:34:46 Adam All right. We'll take ourselves a break. We'll be back.

1:34:53 Caller We'll be right back with more Loveline.

1:35:23 Adam Yep, well, there you go. All right, everyone, Tommy Chong gonna be in here tomorrow night from Cheech and Chong. We'll talk to him, Long Beach Dub All-Stars, a little bit later in the week. I wanna thank Bruce for coming in, doing a wonderful job.

1:35:36 Caller Can I go home now?

1:35:37 Adam Yes, you can, if your wife will let you in. Until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Bruce saying mahalo.

1:35:42 Caller Well, I'm having anal sex with my boyfriend, and I just, I don't wanna, he wants to go all the way with me. Well now.

Episode Feedback

Monday, June 26, 2000