Episode 1000754887446

2:07 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

2:26 Adam This show never disappoints to disappoint. It's Loveline. The new beginning is cool and everything, but I think they're sort of shooting themselves in the foot. Jesus, do I sound weird?

2:38 No.

2:38 Adam I don't sound echoey, do you?

2:40 No.

2:40 Adam No. With all that record-scratching and synthesizer stuff and all the... No, not this part, but it's the stuff before this part, all the jet engines and everything, I am so gun-shy about putting on the headphones, turning it up and then being shocked by some screeching sounds that I'm forever going to be screwed up at the beginning of the show because I will keep the headphones off until the very last second.

3:05 Drew Until things get quiet.

3:06 Adam Until the show, until everything quiets down and then we'll start the show. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 3108-54-4455. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. All righty.

3:20 Drew All right, here we go.

3:22 Adam Everclear in here tomorrow night, Ann? Yes. We will get on the phones.

3:28 Drew You don't have to talk about it anymore. You have no life.

3:30 Adam I flew my model airplane today.

3:31 Drew That's what I figured. That's good.

3:33 Boring.

3:35 Adam It was until I crashed. They're trying to get the money together to resurface the runway.

3:41 Drew Came right for the millionaire. Thurston Howell arrived with his jet plane.

3:48 Adam It was funny. It was very sad. I was over at the field that's over in Van Nuys. Van Nuys, for those of you around the country, a crappy part of the valley. The valley is what's on the other side of the hill from Hollywood and Los Angeles. I grew up in the valley, so I'm always get a little depressed and melancholy when I have to drive through it. Drew, I know you're in Pasadena, so you have no idea where Van Nuys is. Because it's nine miles away from you.

4:14 Drew No idea.

4:15 Adam But the point is-

4:16 Drew Nobody traveled into the valley, you understand so.

4:18 Adam Yeah, why would you?

4:19 Drew Yeah.

4:20 Adam Yeah, you're right.

4:20 Drew You just go from incredibly hot to unbelievably hot.

4:24 Adam So I'm putzing around. I have a few minutes to kill. The guy who fixed my plane last time I crashed, it hasn't showed up yet. So I'm sort of putzing around, looking around, reading the memo board. That's something I recommend to everybody. Go to different places, whether it's the coin op, laundry mat, or the little village message board down the street. See what kittens are for sale, see what guys selling barbell sets, that kind of stuff. But when you go to real specific stuff, like model airplane guys, you see model airplane stuff. But there was this plaque, a decent looking antique plaque with a bunch of names on these, sort of riveted to the thing. And it said at the top, those who left the hanger for the last time.

5:12 Drew Oh my God.

5:13 Adam Oh my God. It was like 1230, I was going to kill myself. Name of 22 guys. And it was funny stuff.

5:21 Drew You could have been one of those guys.

5:23 Adam I will be one of those guys, God willing, one day. I'll make the plaque, those who left the hanger for the last time. And the thing that was funny is half the things weren't the guy's full name because nobody really knows everyone's full name over there.

5:35 Drew Who is Phil?

5:36 Adam Joe the Plumber. It's, because I guess a guy probably showed up in a plumbing truck each time and people knew he was Joe, but they didn't get much deeper than that.

5:47 Drew And they knew he was gone.

5:48 Adam They realized he'd kicked off when his widow came out and sold his planes. So Joe the Plumber. Yes, he left the hanger for the last time, everybody. All right. And there's a lot of guys out there today, looked like they'd left the hanger for the second to last time. Kevin, it was very sad. Kevin, you're 43. Actually, the sad part is that I was there. Kevin, you're 43. What's up?

6:15 Caller I have a question. I have dated my wife and we've been married for 20 years all my life. She's been the only woman I've been with. She tells me I've been the only man. And I thought we had a great sex life, you know, with different places around, kind of wild, all that good stuff through the years. And I recently bought her a dildo vibrator combination that hits all the spots and moves. And you put it on the ground and it'll walk across the ground. But she's fallen in love with this thing.

6:47 Adam And isn't every vibrator a dildo to some degree?

6:54 Caller Yeah.

6:54 Adam You know what I mean?

6:55 Drew They have those little tiny, remember that one that one would have demonstrated in here? It was like a little, looked like a cigarette lighter almost.

7:00 Adam Yeah. Like a half a cigarette lighter. But most full-size vibrators would be dildo. A dildo is like a vibrator without the batteries, essentially, with a little more of a phallus shape to it.

7:11 Drew All right. Now we've established that. Thank you, Adam.

7:12 Adam Well, I like this to be a learning experience for the youngsters.

7:15 Drew No doubt. Kevin, why did you purchase that for her in the first place?

7:20 Caller Well, we're trying a lot of different stuff.

7:24 Adam You've been married for 20 years. You want to spice it up a little.

7:27 Drew But the point is, they were already starting to have some problems.

7:30 Caller I know. I went into a store and bought it. It looked pretty good. I had a buddy that told me about some of them before.

7:38 Drew So nothing had begun to decline. Everything was at the same pitch that it has been since you were in your 30s.

7:45 Caller Yeah, you're right. It's declined.

7:47 Adam All right. Well, anyway, let's get to the story. So you bought her the dildo slash vibrator.

7:52 Drew More into the vibrate than him now is his perception. And what I'm saying is-

7:55 Adam How do we know that?

7:57 Drew That's what he said.

7:58 Adam He said that?

7:59 Drew Yeah.

7:59 Caller Yeah.

8:00 Drew You've been flying too many planes.

8:01 Adam I think you just read that off the screen.

8:03 Drew No, he said that.

8:04 Adam Really?

8:04 Caller He said that. She's falling in love with it.

8:07 Adam Well, that doesn't mean she's more into it than you. It just means she's enamored with it. That's all. All right. How does this manifest itself? Is she using it every day and not wanting to be with you?

8:19 Caller Well, I think so. She's got it hidden between the mattresses. I've come in before and she's using it. I try to get involved and not much interest at that point. Then it's farther between our encounters.

8:35 Drew It's not about the vibrator.

8:37 Yeah.

8:38 Drew It is not about the vibrator.

8:39 No, it's not.

8:41 Adam No. What is it, Drew?

8:44 Drew It's about the relationship. Yeah. This was already on a slide to begin with. The vibrator just made it more, just put a nail in the coffin, so to speak. It made it leave the hanger for the last time.

8:54 Adam Yeah. All right. So Kevin, don't fixate on the vibrator, fixate on the relationship, communicate, all that kind of stuff.

9:02 Drew Why is she resisting intimacy with you? Why is she pissed?

9:05 Caller I don't know. Maybe because I beg so much. Who knows? Yeah.

9:09 Adam Maybe you don't listen to her when she has complaints.

9:11 Drew The reason you're begging so much is because she is already pulling back. There's something going on here. Something in the relationship.

9:18 Caller See, I just talked to her on the phone. I'm out of town and she was telling me how everyone at the pool today was telling her how our relationship is the best they know and we get along the best and all this good stuff and I always felt that way, but I guess there's something deeper out.

9:33 Adam Yeah.

9:33 Drew But this is the thing we always talk about is how-

9:35 Adam Hold on a second. Boy, Kevin is thick as a brick.

9:38 Drew That's what we always talk about. The guy is like, she has been on him probably for five years and now he's like, I don't get it. It must be the vibrator.

9:45 Adam They'll go anywhere but somewhere real.

9:48 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

9:49 Adam Anywhere but somewhere real.

9:51 Drew Yes.

9:51 Adam All right.

9:52 Drew Listen. We're not going to figure it out because Kevin doesn't know.

9:54 Adam Kevin, it's like talking to a log. Listen, there's something going on. Maybe you guys need a little couples therapy.

10:00 Drew That'd be the place to go.

10:01 Adam You got to start listening to her, start communicating with her, but just don't focus on the sex and the vibrator.

10:07 Okay.

10:07 Adam That's a manifestation of what went wrong.

10:09 Drew Of something wrong.

10:10 Adam That's a byproduct. Go right past that and go to the crux of the matter, all right?

10:15 Okay.

10:15 Adam All right, Kevin.

10:16 Drew Good luck.

10:17 Adam All right.

10:18 Drew Oh, God, guys are so concrete.

10:21 Adam Well, guys are pretty stupid when it comes to emotional topics like this.

10:25 Drew Oh, my, yes.

10:25 Adam Yeah. That's all right.

10:27 Drew I mean, but it's...

10:30 Adam Yeah. I don't know how you get to be 43 and get that way, but...

10:33 Drew Yeah.

10:33 Adam Mike?

10:34 Hey, what's up?

10:35 Adam You're 17.

10:36 Caller Yeah.

10:38 Okay.

10:38 Caller Well, I was having sex with my girlfriend like a week ago and she went to the triennial sex for the first time, okay?

10:45 Drew How old is she?

10:46 Caller She's 17 also. Well, she got around on her knees and I went to go get the petroleum jelly and I looked down and she had a bottle the size of a mason jar.

10:56 Drew Oh, Mike. Yeah.

10:59 Adam That's our boy.

10:59 Drew No, it isn't him.

11:00 Adam No, it's another guy because it's not the same voice.

11:02 Drew Not the same guy.

11:03 Caller No, it's my friends told me to do it.

11:05 Adam So I know you're not the guy who normally does.

11:08 Drew From Arizona. That voice I would not miss in a second. But now Mike, yours is now etched in my brain.

11:13 Adam Not mine. You can call back tomorrow night. I'll put you right on.

11:16 Caller Oh, really? Yeah.

11:18 Drew In fact, do you want to give him the pot line number so he can be with your farting friends too?

11:22 Adam No. Where are my farting friends? I'm putting a call out to all my farting friends.

11:28 Drew You're farting command friends.

11:29 Adam Yeah. Yes. I enjoy those folk. They're my kin. They're my family. I don't look at my real family as my family, but I look at my farting brethren as my family.

11:39 Drew We got a guy here that's going to be building a part of Loveline website. That's not for me. That's for all the radio affiliates and things. Maybe he's going to get some ideas here. Maybe there's a place for this.

11:48 Adam It'll never happen. Do you think there's going to be a Loveline website?

11:52 Drew I didn't talk to him at the break.

11:53 Adam No. Never going to happen.

11:56 Drew He doesn't work for K-Rock.

11:57 Adam Oh. Could happen. Could very well happen. Jenny?

12:02 Huh?

12:02 Adam You're 15?

12:03 Caller Yeah.

12:04 Adam What's up?

12:05 Caller I've had sex two times, and both times it hurt and I bled a lot. And whenever I fool around, it hurts and I bleed a lot again. My friend, Inga, she told me that it's not really normal.

12:19 Drew That's true. It's possible maybe the hymen didn't completely rupture.

12:23 Caller Yeah, that's what my mom said.

12:24 Drew Oh, mom.

12:25 Adam Oh, boy.

12:25 Drew Oh, I want to... Well, how did that conversation go?

12:27 Adam Hey, mom. The other day, you know Craig?

12:30 Drew He fingered me.

12:31 Adam Craig was finger-banging me, and I was bleeding all over the sofa. That's why the pillows turned over. See the zippers facing the front now. And then later on, his buddy Jack, he was banging the bejesus out of me, and I was bleeding all over, and it was all over the place. I had to use Grandma Shawl to mop it up.

12:52 Drew Good night, Father McConaughey. Good night, Father.

12:54 Adam So you had to talk with your mom about vaginal bleeding during sex, huh?

12:59 Drew How old is your mom?

13:00 Caller The last time I talked to her about sex, I got grounded for a while.

13:03 Drew How old is your mom?

13:04 Adam She's 30. She'll be 30 in...

13:08 Drew In May.

13:09 Adam No, August.

13:10 Drew Yeah.

13:11 Adam All right. So where are you calling from? Minnesota?

13:14 Caller No, Hartford County.

13:15 Adam Hefford County?

13:16 Caller Hartford County.

13:17 Adam Hartford County?

13:18 Drew Hartford County. What fall is that?

13:21 Adam Where?

13:21 Drew What?

13:22 Adam Maryland.

13:23 Drew Maryland.

13:23 Adam Oh, Maryland. Yeah. Oh, Hartford County. Yeah. Yeah. Well, here's the problem when you say Hartford County. There's a million of these all over the place. There's Hartford County, PA, Hartford County, Florida, Hartford County. PTA? Yeah. Chicago. I mean, there's so many different Hartford Counties around that we didn't know which one you're calling from.

13:44 Caller Oh, sorry.

13:46 Adam All right. So you maybe should talk to the gynecologist?

13:50 Caller Yeah.

13:50 Drew Yeah, you're sexually active. You've got to see a doctor get an exam, okay?

13:54 Caller Yeah.

13:54 Drew Very important.

13:55 Adam Yeah. Where's your dad? He must not be around.

13:57 Caller No, he's upstairs sleeping. He is?

13:59 Adam Wow, you're very casual about sex with your parents, right?

14:02 Caller Uh, mm, I don't know.

14:05 Adam Do you talk to your dad about it?

14:07 Caller He doesn't really like when I talk about guys, so I pretty much talk to my mom about it.

14:11 Adam I see.

14:11 Drew That's appropriate.

14:12 Adam Well, it's good that you have that kind of open relationship with your mom.

14:14 Drew How old is your dad?

14:15 Caller He's like 48.

14:17 Adam Okay. That's good.

14:19 Drew I'm going to do a little bit of math here. Mom's 32.

14:23 Adam Mom's not 32. She's 42.

14:25 Drew How old is mom?

14:26 Caller 45, 44.

14:27 Drew Your mom is 45?

14:28 Caller Yeah.

14:28 Drew Oh, I thought you said 30.

14:29 Adam She has an older brother who's 29.

14:31 Drew How old is your older brother?

14:35 Caller Yeah.

14:38 Adam We knew someone was pregnant by 17. Yeah. Now, it's all working out. You have 300 siblings in between you and your 26-year-old brother?

14:51 Caller Yeah.

14:52 Adam You got a whole bunch of them?

14:53 Caller Uh-huh. Too many.

14:54 Caller How many?

14:56 Caller Three. That's our five. Many.

14:59 Adam Okay. What do you think your mom is? 42?

15:03 Caller 44.

15:05 Adam All right. Pregnant 17. I call it. All right, Jenny. Say hi to the good folks over there in Hartford County. All right.

15:12 Okay. All right.

15:15 Adam Do they have doctors there?

15:16 Huh?

15:16 Adam Do they have doctors there?

15:18 Caller Uh-huh.

15:18 Adam Okay.

15:19 Caller Okay.

15:19 Adam You see one of them?

15:21 Caller Huh?

15:21 Adam Yeah. Okay. I picture the doctor in Hartford County looking like Floyd the Barber a little bit. You know those horn rim glasses and the pomade and the hair?

15:32 Drew Yeah. Oh, yes.

15:34 Adam Oh, vagina.

15:36 Caller Yes.

15:37 Adam Mark?

15:38 Caller Yeah.

15:39 Adam You're 23?

15:40 Caller Yeah.

15:40 Adam What's up?

15:41 Caller Well, I got all kinds of problems going on right now, really. I just lost my wife, you know, drugs is causing my problems, you know. I've been doing it for quite a while, probably about 10 years now.

15:58 Drew How many different drugs?

16:01 Caller Well, there's different ones, you know, but mostly I just, it's just the weed, you know.

16:06 Drew Weed is the through line, huh?

16:07 Adam Why did your wife leave you? Because of the drugs?

16:10 Caller Yeah.

16:10 Adam Really?

16:11 Caller For the most part, yeah.

16:12 Adam Well, what did you do?

16:13 Caller Well, it just was never right between us anyway, you know, but.

16:17 Drew Well, you want to do something about it?

16:19 Caller Yeah, but really, you know, around here, I'm kind of, it's caused me, you know, problems with my jobs and everything, and.

16:28 Drew I mean, that's the deal with drugs. It is, addiction is actually defined by its consequences. Consequences primarily, relationships, work, school.

16:37 Adam Right.

16:38 Drew Health, finances, legal.

16:39 Adam I go home, I get drunk every night, but it doesn't affect my work.

16:42 Drew So you're not an addict.

16:43 Adam Or relationships, or anything else. So I'm not an addict. Thank you, Drew. Thank you very much.

16:47 Caller Used to it, didn't, but now, you know, it's.

16:49 Adam Well, that's the way it works.

16:52 Caller All right.

16:52 Drew It's progression in spite of consequences.

16:54 Caller I've been doing this since I was a kid, you know.

16:56 Drew Good. Well. You got to get treatment, Mark. The thing about addiction is what defines it is the inability to stop. If you could stop, you'd stop. Right. In fact, you can't stop suggests it, it acknowledge, it sort of points to the fact that there's a very powerful biology operating here.

17:14 Caller Well, there's another problem. The area I'm in, there really ain't very many affordable places to go.

17:19 Drew Why don't you just start with a community program that's free, like MA or AA?

17:23 Caller Well, the only ones I've found was, you know, like your alcoholics, but I didn't really figure that that would help.

17:32 Drew It will help, but go to MA.

17:34 Adam Where are you calling from?

17:37 Caller Well, the Warsaw area. And I've checked in the places.

17:42 Adam I don't know. Where's Warsaw?

17:44 Caller Oh, I'm sorry. It's in like Indiana.

17:47 Adam All right. There we go.

17:48 Caller It's a small town.

17:49 Adam Yeah. See if you can find MA. Or why don't you just show up at an AA meeting and see if they can point you in the right direction.

17:56 Drew Exactly. Exactly.

17:57 Caller Another thing is, you know, I've looked in the other places and most of them's like $25 an hour, you know?

18:02 Adam Yeah. That's why I said show up at the AA meeting.

18:05 Drew The AA meeting is free.

18:06 Caller Free.

18:07 Drew Go to AA. Check out MA from there.

18:09 Adam The world's dumbest scholars. We really do.

18:11 Drew And if you can't stop, in spite of community-based 12-step support, that's when you have to get treatment.

18:17 Adam And what other universities say to someone, look, show up at AA meeting and see if they can't point you in the right direction. Well, okay. But I've tried some of the other ones, and those are $25. How do you reply to that? You just got to go right back to the AA again, right? What does everyone just have this sort of internal monologue going? Go to AA. It's free. You get some cookies. Coffee. After a ton of coffee. After a year, you get a cake. It's wonderful.

18:42 Drew Looked on nicotine.

18:44 Adam Bill, yeah, they hand out cigarettes and coffee. Bill, you're 23.

18:48 Caller Yeah. Adam?

18:49 Adam Yes.

18:50 Caller How you doing?

18:50 Adam Good.

18:51 Caller I love The Man Show.

18:53 Adam Why, thank you. Sunday nights, by the way, 10 o'clock on Comedy Central.

18:57 Caller Yeah, and I hate to boost your ego there in front of Dr. Drew, but you are a genius, I believe.

19:02 Adam Thank you. Thank you. I've known it for many years. I'm just trying to convince the world of it.

19:06 Drew Usually, he qualifies it as a super genius.

19:10 Adam Oh, me?

19:10 Drew Yeah.

19:11 Adam Yeah, that's my next plateau.

19:12 Drew Yeah.

19:13 Adam Thank you.

19:14 Caller Yeah, and I hear rumblings and stuff occasionally about you maybe leaving Loveline.

19:18 Caller From where?

19:20 Caller Well, you know, you hear here and there people say that, you know, they think that you're going to leave.

19:23 Drew Just because he sounds tired and burnt out and doesn't give a damn about anybody doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy his two hours.

19:29 Adam I think the problem is, is they wonder how long a man with my overwhelming talent will remain.

19:34 Drew That's what it must be.

19:35 Adam At a lowly job like this. And it's because I'm dedicated to the kids and I bought a second house that I'm here every night for you.

19:44 Caller Out of all the things I see you do though, I think Loveline's actually probably the thing that you do the best.

19:49 Adam Thank you, Bill. All right.

19:50 Drew So what's your question? The greatest potential for him.

19:54 Caller Well, my question is about something going on with my testicles. I know you like it when there's testicle questions.

20:01 Adam I smell a song coming on.

20:03 Drew Scrotum.

20:04 Adam Scrotum. How's the Carrey-Werz house tonight, by the way?

20:07 Drew How'd that go?

20:08 Adam Very nice.

20:09 Drew What happened?

20:10 Adam Very nice.

20:10 Drew What happened?

20:11 Scrotum.

20:14 Adam She was, her movie was premiering on VH1. Oh, he went to the party. Yeah, I stopped by. I had a little gathering over there. It was, hold on a second, Bill. I don't want to talk about a scrotum for just yet. You know, it was a little bit tricky. I went to Carrey's house. Carrey Werz was our guest last night. You know her from tons of junk. I mean stuff. You know what I'm saying. She did this VH1 movie, which premiered tonight. So she said, why don't you stop on by? I'm having a little premier party over at my house. I said, fine. Now I know that she lives basically down the hill from me a little bit. And I was at her house one time a year ago, you know, 1230 at night when I dropped her off and the place was dark and she was remodeling it. And she's up on this cul-de-sac with a thousand stairs. And I wasn't sure it was her house. I couldn't hear any music or anything coming from it's way up on this hill, you know, more stairs than to get to my house, if you can believe it. So I truck up all these stairs, it's dark, it's like going into the woods. It's like where Marlon Brando lived on Apocalypse Now. It's just way back there. And I come walking up and I get to the top where the landing is and there's a room with a light on and I look and there's a big guy with a tattoo who's getting dressed that I'm sort of staring at through the window and I'm thinking, I'm at the wrong place. And the second I take a half step to my left, like, I gotta get out of the way here, one of those sensor lights, one of those movement sensor flood lights hit me and pow! It's like right on me. And I'm just standing there totally lit up while this guy's looking out at the window at me with his shirt off around the middle of the wilderness. And I'm thinking, oh, Christ, no. And then I realized that that's the guest house. That's her guest and her house is the next one over. And I scamper over to that. She had a handful of people over there. I ate some bean cherries, had a beer and toured the grounds and enjoyed the first half hour of the VH1 special. Thank you.

22:11 Scrotum, scrotum, I like to keep your testes in.

22:15 Adam Yeah.

22:16 Scrotum, scrotum, S-C-R-T-U-M. I'll keep them locked up in your B-B-Ds. Unless you want to have them hang to your knees.

22:25 Adam Everyone.

22:25 Caller Scrotum, scrotum, I like to keep your testes in.

22:31 Adam Oh, man. She's lucky she's good looking. She is so nuts. Bill.

22:36 Caller That's pretty good. Not quite as good as your vagina song, but it's pretty good.

22:39 Adam Yeah. I may sing that later on tonight.

22:42 Caller I'd like to hear it.

22:43 Adam All right. So your scrotum feels like what?

22:46 Caller More stuff in there than it should be, maybe.

22:48 Adam I see.

22:49 Drew Well, a physician needs to feel that. Okay. Try to describe it to me.

22:54 Caller Okay. Is it your epididymis that comes off the actual testicle?

22:57 Drew Yep.

22:58 Caller Like going up into your body there?

22:59 Drew Yep.

23:00 Caller All right. How much?

23:02 Drew Stuff.

23:04 Caller How big or how?

23:05 Drew Well, there can be a lot of stuff. The somatic cord, the veins can engorge. They can feel like a bag of worms up there sometimes. That's about what it is. Yeah. That can be. As long as there's nothing real hard or rock-like in there, you usually don't have anything to worry about. But sometimes these varicoseals, the swollen veins and all can be an issue. So it ought to be checked out.

23:22 Adam He described it as too much stuff though. But it didn't mean too much fluid. He meant too much parts.

23:28 Drew You've probably never done this. If you squeeze up near where the testes sort of joins the body, there's some stuff up there.

23:35 Adam Oh, really?

23:36 Drew Yeah. Sometimes it can be thicker than other times.

23:38 Adam I wonder what parts I haven't examined on myself. Not money. Yeah.

23:43 Drew You work the nose every night.

23:44 Adam I know the nose. I know the bunghole like the back of my hand.

23:49 Drew The bunghole, you've carved on to it.

23:51 Adam Yeah.

23:51 Drew Probably the testes.

23:53 Adam Yeah, I got to go with the testes just a little bit more.

23:55 Caller Yeah.

23:56 Drew Clearly, you haven't examined your penis carefully. You just keep running your hand over it.

23:59 Adam That's right. It's a smoothing process. I'm whittling it down.

24:04 Drew That's where it went.

24:05 Adam All right. Yes, I'm eroding my penis one swipe at a time. We'll take a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Brandy. She's 24, had sex since she was 12, but never had an orgasm. We'll be back to tell her why after this.

24:21 Loveline, we'll be right back.

24:57 Adam Yeah. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LAVE-191.

25:04 Drew Anderson's going to Hawaii.

25:05 Adam Everclear is going to be in here tomorrow night. Anderson's going to Hawaii.

25:09 Drew Next week?

25:10 Adam Uh-oh.

25:11 Drew No, you're not going?

25:12 Caller I'm not going for like a month.

25:14 Adam All right. Good radio, Drew. That is fantastic.

25:18 I got to train early, though, you know.

25:19 Drew He's training on new engineers.

25:20 Adam I see. All right. It's all good. All right, so I gave the phone number. I said Everclear was going to be here tomorrow night, and now we can hop back to the phones, right?

25:30 Drew Right.

25:31 Adam Speak to Brandy, who's 24 years old. Brandy?

25:35 Guest Hi, Dr. Drew. Adam, how's it going?

25:37 Caller Good.

25:38 Guest Here's the problem. I've been having sex since I was 12, and with my ex five years ago, I had like one orgasm for one and a half years of having sex with him.

25:49 Adam That's not bad. Pretty good by my standards, actually.

25:52 Guest Oh, really?

25:52 Adam I average one every six, so that's a little early for me.

25:55 Guest Well, and then my last ex that I had before I moved from Vegas up to Oregon was like six months almost, and I was every time.

26:04 Adam What were you doing in Vegas?

26:06 Guest I lived there for the last 14 years.

26:08 Adam That's a little Loveline recreation.

26:10 Drew What were you doing in Vegas?

26:11 Adam Wait, give me a clear line. Go ahead.

26:13 Drew What were you doing in Vegas?

26:15 Adam I lived there for the last 14 years. I'm guessing work for the government that you can't talk about.

26:22 Drew CIA. FBI probably, yes.

26:24 Adam Yeah.

26:26 Drew I danced.

26:26 Adam Oh, what a shocking revelation. Where did you dance? I was just at a bar there.

26:32 Drew You know, we've never spoke to a brandy that didn't dance. You know what I'm saying?

26:35 Guest Well, you know, I don't dance. I train horses, too, but dancing makes my money.

26:38 Adam What do you do with those horses?

26:40 Guest I train them.

26:41 Adam Oh, okay, because that's where the real money is.

26:43 Guest No, I don't.

26:45 Adam And where did you dance in Vegas?

26:47 Guest Several different places. I'd rather not mention on the radio.

26:50 Adam Uh-huh. You do Olympic Gardens?

26:53 Guest No. Crazy Horse 2.

26:54 Adam Crazy Horse 2? Okay. I didn't see Crazy Horse 1, but I read Crazy Horse 2, the book. All right, so anyway, Brandy, now you're living in Oregon?

27:04 Guest Yeah.

27:04 Adam You start having sex at 12, huh?

27:07 Guest Yeah.

27:07 Adam And with who?

27:08 Guest Well, with my fiancee, who's like 20.

27:11 Drew Yeah, this is, that's not a sex, that's sexual abuse, Brandy.

27:15 Adam Wait a minute, you were 12 and he was 20?

27:17 Guest I started dancing when I was 13, so.

27:19 Drew Yeah, it's a little mess, Brandy.

27:21 Adam It's great, yeah.

27:21 Drew That's what your orgasm, you can't have intimacy.

27:23 Guest I was, I've been intimate.

27:25 Drew No.

27:25 Adam No.

27:26 Guest To see with my ex, but then after four years of his alcohol.

27:30 Adam You, hold on a second.

27:31 Drew Yeah, it's acting out, trying to regain your dad.

27:34 Adam You had a fiance when you were how old? Twelve. And he was twenty?

27:42 Guest He was twenty. All right.

27:44 Adam How much boozing did your dad do?

27:47 Guest I have no idea.

27:48 Adam Oh.

27:48 Drew How old were you when he left?

27:50 Guest About a year.

27:51 Adam I see.

27:51 Drew How much boozing did he do?

27:54 Adam How the hell does she know how much boozing he did?

27:56 Drew Didn't hear any stories about it or anything?

27:57 Adam Your mom tell you any stories about how abusive he was?

28:01 Guest No, she just told me he was never there, even when he was there, he wasn't there.

28:05 Adam All right. And what did the next guy do?

28:08 Drew The next?

28:08 Guest No next guy until I was like six and he wasn't, I didn't go boozing, nothing like that. I'm not the alcoholic my ex-boyfriend was.

28:16 Adam I know.

28:16 Drew We understand, but we...

28:17 Adam You found him, though.

28:18 Drew Yeah, you found him.

28:19 Guest Yeah, well, he's also the father of my child, unfortunately.

28:22 Adam Oh, you got a kid?

28:24 Guest Yes, I do. She's top of the class.

28:27 Adam Top of the class? What class? What are you doing? You're stacking blocks. How old is she?

28:33 Guest She's five. That's it. She's my five-year-old.

28:36 Adam Hold on a second.

28:38 Drew Top of the class?

28:39 Adam You're not even in the first grade.

28:40 Guest What class are you in?

28:41 Adam You're not even in kindergarten. What class? Let me tell you how you make top of your class when you're five. You don't poo. When it's nap time, you nap. That's top of the class. But you can imagine the college is courting her already, probably trying to give her a free ride scholarship, something like that.

29:03 Guest I'm actually getting a scholarship to a private school for first grade. She's in preschool right now.

29:07 Adam For not cramping?

29:08 Drew But you can imagine the perfectionism having to take care of her parents.

29:12 Oh, buddy.

29:13 Adam All right, Brandy. So listen.

29:15 Guest That has nothing to do with this problem.

29:18 Adam What is it?

29:19 Guest Well, the fact that since my last boyfriend, I haven't been able to orgasm. I mean, he was the only one, really, that I was with before my ex.

29:27 Adam Right.

29:28 Guest Or after my ex. And I don't, well, I'd like to know what the hell the problem is.

29:31 Adam All right. Well, did these guys?

29:32 Drew Okay.

29:33 Guest It just, right. Getting to that top plateau.

29:37 Adam I see.

29:38 Drew Are you on any medication?

29:39 Guest Nope.

29:40 Adam They do the oral sex on you?

29:42 Guest Oh, yeah.

29:43 Adam Yeah. Just can't get there, huh?

29:44 Drew No birth control pills?

29:46 Guest Me?

29:46 Drew Yep.

29:47 Guest No, I'm on, I've got my two-stage.

29:49 Oh, good.

29:50 Adam Did the state intervene or is that your idea?

29:52 Guest That was my idea.

29:53 Adam Very nice. I'm going to send you out of sweatshirt. So Brandy, I think the problem is the intimacy. I'm with Drew. You had kind of a tough childhood, wouldn't you say?

30:05 Guest Well, yeah.

30:07 Adam Yeah. He had a 20-year-old fiance when you're 12. You were dancing at 13. I think the way you view men is probably not the way a lot of other women view men. It's not your fault, but it's the reality.

30:20 Drew It's your experience.

30:21 Adam So maybe a little therapy, read a few books, sort of loosen that grip on yourself just a little bit, let yourself go, be a little more intimate, and magically, the orgasms will come.

30:33 Guest Okay. I have one question then. Exactly how do you get to intimacy when you do? I mean, to let go. I mean, I let go quite a bit.

30:41 Adam Yeah. But you need a ton of therapy.

30:43 Drew You need to find somebody who is actually open intimacy. You're only choosing guys who are not available, either loaded or not available. And the other person has to go. Intimacy has to have mutuality or it's not intimacy.

30:54 Adam Don't worry about them right now. You just worry about you. I mean, you need to sit down with somebody with a notepad, a big thick one by the way, and talk all about what the hell happened that you were dancing at 13 and had a fiance at 12. Huh? I left home. Yeah.

31:11 Drew Just because there was some abuse. Okay.

31:12 Adam Brandy?

31:13 Drew What?

31:14 Adam You want to just rot in your own form of hell for the rest of your life or do you want to work this out? Or do you want to keep denying, want to keep talking, want to keep offering excuses?

31:22 Guest I want to work my sexual problem out, but other than that, I'm okay.

31:25 Adam Yeah. But your sexual problem is your whole problem. It's not a sexual problem. Okay. Get the world's biggest vibrator and have the world's most greased up guy apply to you and see what happens.

31:38 Drew I understand why people can't see symptoms of these sorts of problems the same way as any other problem. I mean, it's like saying, I'm short of breath, I'm short of breath, and I say, well, it's your heart failure. The fluids building up your lungs. No, no, no. I just want you to fix my shortness of breath. Forget my heart. Right. Because your heart's failing that you're short of breath. Well, this is why you're having your problem, that the system isn't operating normally.

32:00 Adam Well, I mean, imagine what this girl's view of men is when she had a fiancee was 20, when she was 12 and dancing at 13 and out of the house.

32:09 Drew Think of who the guys are. Okay.

32:11 Adam But listen, Brandy, you have to address that. Forget about your clitoris for five minutes. And do it on behalf of your kid, by the way, so that they won't have screwed up mommy. Keith?

32:23 Drew Hello?

32:23 Adam You're 26.

32:24 Caller Yes, I am.

32:25 Adam All right.

32:26 Caller Having a...

32:26 Adam Hold on. I have to go on a small rant here. I cannot understand why this country doesn't put any emphasis at all on psychological well-being. Yeah. Zero.

32:36 Drew Mental health.

32:37 Adam Mental health. And I don't mean mental health pills or mental health, like incarcerating mentally handicapped people. I mean, day in, day out, societal mental health. People using... I mean, people are into exercise. People are into stretching. They're into yoga. They're into getting a massage, into pedicures and manicures. We understand all of that stuff, but we can't understand why someone like Brandy is having problems at 24 based on the cesspool she climbed out of. The kind of life that she ran away from when she was 12.5 with her 20-year-old fiancé that has no bearing on her life. It's the most elementary, rudimentary equation in the world. And why that is not everyone's number one priority as a society is mind-boggling to me.

33:27 Drew The only way I can get people even to acknowledge it is to say, okay, you've got a three-month-old puppy. You beat the hell out of it for a couple months. Are you surprised when that dog growls and people come up now for the rest of its life? Yes. It will never be the same?

33:42 Adam That is a fine example. You see a dog that walks around its tail between its legs sideways. It's because it got effed with for a very short period of time.

33:52 Drew When it was a puppy.

33:53 Adam When it was a puppy and now the dog.

33:55 Drew Or a cat, same thing.

33:56 Adam Is 11. That's 144 to you and me. And it's still walking around with the tail between its legs.

34:02 Drew It's never the same.

34:03 Adam Why? Why that connection? And that's a dog. And by the way, we have more of those tendencies than even a dog does.

34:11 Drew Way more.

34:12 Adam Way more.

34:12 Drew Because we recreate it over and over and over again. The dog just has sort of a demeanor. We recreate it.

34:20 Adam Well, a dog's, you know, a dog's brain would be the equivalent to a floor jack where ours is like a pipe organ or something. Ours is much more, could get screwed up much more easily if you dumped water on it.

34:34 Drew Although this model keeps going. It seems kind of interesting that the dog that bears its teeth at everybody does get mistreated.

34:40 Adam Yes.

34:41 Drew Continues to get mistreated.

34:42 Adam Right. All right, everyone. Please realize that connection between your past and do something about it. It's all right. And here's the good news. You'll get way ahead of the game. If you're the only person on your block who's doing it, you'll have the world by the tail. You'll have everything figured out. Good relationships. You won't screw up your kids. You'll go as far as you want in life. Keith?

35:04 Caller Hello?

35:04 Adam You're 26.

35:05 Caller Yes, I am. My question is for Dr. Drew.

35:07 Drew Yeah.

35:08 Caller I know, but I love your show. It's very informative and I've listened to it for a long time.

35:12 Drew Thanks, Keith. What's up?

35:13 Caller I'm having flashbacks and I'm having one right now actually.

35:17 Drew LSD flashbacks?

35:18 Caller Sir?

35:18 Drew LSD flashbacks?

35:19 Caller Yes, sir.

35:20 Drew And what are the manifestations?

35:22 Caller Tracers, vividness of color, sensitivity to sound.

35:26 Drew Okay. How long do they last for?

35:29 Caller Actually, it's been going on now for four or five days. Okay.

35:31 Adam Oh, wow. How much acid did you do?

35:34 Caller About 20 to 30 times when I was like 16 to 20.

35:39 Drew Did you take any large hits?

35:41 Caller No more than five at a time.

35:43 Drew Oh, boy. That sounds big to me.

35:45 Caller Yeah.

35:45 Adam That seems like a lot. Yeah.

35:47 Caller Yeah.

35:47 Drew All right. So there you go.

35:49 Caller All that stuff. But I get to college.

35:51 Adam Wait a minute. How did you do 20 to 30 hits of acid and then you did five at one time? I mean...

35:56 Caller 20 to 30 times.

35:57 Drew He means 100 hits of acid.

35:59 Caller Different episodes. At the most, five hits.

36:01 Adam Oh, I see. 20 or 30 different times, but could be four or five hits per time.

36:05 Caller That was my max. I mean, I'd take like a tab occasionally and that'd be it.

36:09 Adam Right.

36:11 Caller I just want to know if they're going to become permanent because I've gotten clean now and do the AA and anything and all that stuff. And it's been four or five years. But...

36:18 Drew Are you on any medications or anything?

36:19 Caller Well, butrinest are. And it happened one time before about a year ago when I was taking a serosome at my...

36:25 Drew Yeah, I wonder if it's some reaction to the antidepressant with the injury that LSD causes sometimes.

36:31 Caller Well, I also got diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder.

36:33 Drew Yeah, that wouldn't figure on this. But I would talk to your psychiatrist about the well butrin... Did you say well butrin?

36:39 Caller Well butrinest?

36:40 Drew Yeah, that it might be triggering something. That makes some sense to me that it might.

36:44 Caller Is there... Will these become permanent, if so?

36:47 Drew Not typically. Not like this. Not like all of a sudden. Usually if there's going to be permanent problems like this, it's after a big exposure.

36:54 Adam What's the PTSD from?

36:57 Caller Just my father was quite the intensive sadist.

37:00 Adam I see.

37:02 Caller I guess. I assume that's what it's for. I guess it's toxic shock from all the LSD or something.

37:07 Adam All right Keith, what are you doing? Working at Heavy Machinery? What do you do for a living?

37:12 Caller Trying to get into med school. I was one of those guys with 150 and I just burned off about 20-30 points.

37:17 Adam Yeah, you know my theory about that. That's fine. Still way ahead of the game.

37:22 Caller Trying.

37:23 Adam All right, but listen, be careful. You don't want to get your hands on the medicine cabinet once you get in there.

37:29 Drew He's in recovery.

37:30 Adam Yeah, I know, but this guy could snap.

37:32 Caller After I go to my meetings, I talk.

37:34 Adam Okay.

37:34 Drew No, no, you'll be fine, Keith.

37:35 Adam You're good, Keith. Have fun in medical school.

37:37 Drew Good luck.

37:38 Adam All right, bye. All right, bye-bye. Yeah, see, this guy proves my theory very well. He had 150 IQ, he burned off 25-30 points. Still ahead of the game. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. What are you doing there, Drew?

37:54 Drew We're going to break.

37:54 Adam I know, but I just want to say hi to Nathan. Nathan, you're 15?

37:57 Caller Yeah.

37:57 Adam You want to know how to convince your girlfriend that you're not cheating?

38:01 Caller Yeah.

38:02 Adam Okay. Could you just explain it to her?

38:05 Caller Yeah, I tried telling her.

38:07 Adam Why does she think you're cheating?

38:08 Caller Well, supposedly some of my ex-friends went and talked to her. I called her up and told her that.

38:14 Adam Then you weren't cheating?

38:15 Caller I wasn't cheating.

38:16 Adam Okay.

38:16 Drew That's her problem.

38:18 Adam We're done with you. Listen, everyone. Hey, Drew.

38:20 Drew Yeah.

38:21 Adam In your life, have you ever been accused of something or had someone believe something that you really didn't do and had it really affect you? Do you know what I'm saying? I personally never have.

38:36 Drew Yeah, but nothing affects you.

38:37 Adam I've never been able. Well, that's true. I've never had anyone believe something that didn't happen that I wasn't able to explain to them didn't happen. If it didn't happen.

38:47 Drew Right, right, right.

38:48 Adam Or it was sort of, listen, screw you if you really believe it.

38:51 Drew Right.

38:51 Adam But I mean, really think about your life. What are you? You're 57 now, right?

38:55 Drew 58.

38:55 Adam 58. Have you really, is there been any time anyone said anything about you that you didn't do?

39:01 Drew Yeah.

39:01 Adam That really affected you?

39:02 Drew No.

39:03 Adam No, it doesn't. It never does.

39:04 Drew Well, you know what? I'm just thinking about this.

39:06 Adam I want to know how everyone goes through life thinking this happens.

39:09 Drew It never happened. I'm thinking about some times I've been in front of depositions and stuff where they start accusing you of stuff. I have a history of having been so shame-based.

39:17 Adam Yes.

39:17 Drew I'm not that way right now, but it wouldn't feel awful to me. That just felt awful. Being accused of something and not being able to defend yourself was just an awful feeling.

39:26 Adam Right. But it feels awful, but it didn't affect you in any way.

39:30 Drew It felt pretty bad, but no, it wasn't about my life.

39:32 Adam Okay. Thanks for cramping on my point, by the way. We're going to take a little break. We'll be back after this. Yeah, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that's Dr. Drew. All right, let's go back to break. I want to finish talking to Drew. We're getting into some good stuff. Very provocative conversation about our childhood in here. And yeah, there you go. You know, we'll do an extra long segment when we come back, huh? What's wrong with that? Hey, we'll mix it up a little, Anderson.

40:41 Drew Play a song or something, let's go.

40:42 Adam Yeah, where's the band? Who's gonna be in tomorrow night? Everclear, we must have their CD floating around here somewhere.

41:32 Drew It's called intimacy. Can I say that? You're fat, you're gay, confused, you're sick, you're overweight. You're still aversion, you're dysfunctional, not acceptable.

41:44 Dr. Drew was right.

41:45 Adam All right. We finished our conversation. Do you have Inigata DeVita in there?

41:53 Drew No, we're done. We finished it.

41:54 Adam Oh, okay. I want to get on to another conversation. We will.

41:56 Drew We got about five minutes.

41:57 Guest We're good.

41:57 Adam Okay. All right. Where were we? Jim?

42:00 Guest Yeah.

42:01 Adam Jim?

42:02 Caller I am a whore, whore, whore.

42:04 Adam Oh, yeah.

42:05 Caller I'll do you more, more, more down on the floor, floor, floor, because I'm a whore. I'll lick your butt.

42:11 Caller Oh.

42:11 Caller Because I'm a slut.

42:17 Caller Oh, my God.

42:18 Caller Yeah.

42:19 Adam You're 19?

42:20 Caller Yeah.

42:20 Adam Yeah. What's up?

42:22 Caller I was just actually wondering if there was any way to make anal sex with my fiancé more, like, easy.

42:28 Drew Hey, speaking of anal sex.

42:30 Adam Rub Coke on her anus and numb it up.

42:32 Caller Oh, yeah?

42:32 Drew Yeah. Oh, my God.

42:33 Caller You know that personally?

42:35 Adam Oh, yeah. I mean, I've never done it to somebody, but I've certainly had it done on me a number of times. Just millions.

42:41 Caller Excellent.

42:42 Adam Yeah. What's that, Drew?

42:43 Drew New England Journal just came out with an article today that I read that was revisiting the incidence of HIV in men who have sex with men, particularly anal sex, and it's like 10 percent.

42:56 Adam What do you mean 10 percent?

42:58 Drew HIV.

42:59 Adam So what does that mean?

43:00 Drew One out of 10 to have it. If they engage in that behavior, there's like an urban center again.

43:06 Adam Yeah.

43:06 Drew It's like one out of 10.

43:07 Adam Small price to pay for some good cornhole.

43:10 Drew It's like 7 percent, 7.2 percent. Remember, it was just amazing.

43:13 Adam That's very high.

43:14 Drew I mean, I'm not sure we're making enough of this again. We need to sort of-

43:18 Adam The cornhole.

43:19 Drew Well, the HIV.

43:20 Adam Jim's not bi though. I mean, he's straight.

43:23 Drew Yeah.

43:24 Adam All right. So Jim, you want to make more comfortable?

43:26 Yeah.

43:26 Adam All right. And you use the lubricant?

43:28 Yeah.

43:29 Adam Right? Yeah. What I'll do oftentimes, and this might help you, is I'll cram my flaccid penis into a girl's rectum, using one of those extended shoehorn things, the ones with the horse head on it. I'll just pack it up in there and then I'll become erect once I'm inside. It's much slower and less painful.

43:50 Caller All right.

43:52 Adam Remember those shoe horns, a bamboo stick, about two feet long and a horse's head on the end of it? Yeah, we'll use one of those. I don't know, plenty of lubrication and I guess warm it up a little, you know?

44:05 Drew Many women, no matter what you do, it ain't going to work.

44:07 Adam Yeah, especially if you got one of them big mushroom shlongs. Big cauliflower shlong. Scott? Scotty?

44:20 Caller Yeah. Yeah. I have a question for Dr. Drew. Yeah. I've been with my girlfriend for about, well, two years now, almost exactly. And that...

44:31 Caller No.

44:33 Drew We didn't hear that, Scott.

44:34 Caller I'm sorry, maybe my phone's cut out.

44:36 Right.

44:37 Caller The question isn't about me and her, the question is actually about me. It's on my actual scrotum, there's... It's kind of like a rash. It's a rash, but it's not a rash. And it's just yesterday, it was... It just came about yesterday, and it was just... It's a...

44:52 Drew Hang on a second. It's actual scrotum, it's a rash, but it's not a rash, came yesterday, but not really yesterday.

44:58 Caller No, it came on yesterday, just out of the blue, kind of, and it was kind of like... It was kind of like there was a liquid there, and then today it's kind of like scabbing over, in a sense, and it's pain to the touch.

45:12 Drew So it's an ulcer?

45:14 Caller It's an ulcer.

45:15 Adam All right, I cannot deal with Scott anymore, because he's officially the world's dumbest caller. So, which is not easy to do on this show. Could be herpes.

45:25 Drew It could be herpes, could be just some sort of erosions, you know, some sort of friction.

45:29 Adam Now, let's say it is herpes.

45:34 Yeah.

45:35 Adam Or, well, okay, let's say it's herpes. It's not going to hurt anything by him sort of sitting on it for a week and seeing where it goes, right?

45:43 Drew No, but herpes are very difficult to diagnose if you can't see a clear lesion.

45:47 Adam So then he wouldn't know he had it for the next time.

45:50 Drew It's better to have a doctor look at it when they're active. And it's true of any rash. It's very hard to diagnose rashes after they're gone or after they're scratched off.

45:57 Adam All right, so he should get in there and get it looked at while it's like you want the detective coming on to the crime scene while the blood is still wet, right? Before everything gets dried up. Where are we going? Okay. Stacey?

46:16 Stacey?

46:16 Adam Yes?

46:18 Drew Caller who goes by Stacey?

46:20 Hello?

46:20 Drew Yes?

46:21 Yes, I'm on a medication called Paxil and I was wondering what the side effects were if they were mixed with crystal meth.

46:29 Drew Your head will explode.

46:31 Adam Not a good thing. People backed off a little on the meth. I haven't heard as much about it over the last six months. Have you heard that much about it over the last six months? Not on this show.

46:44 Drew Not on this show. That's true.

46:45 Adam Well, I'm not talking about your personal life.

46:46 Drew No, my practice. But listen, Paxil is an antidepressant. If you're taking crystal meth...

46:52 I'm taking it for anxiety.

46:53 Drew That's fine, but anxiety is a depression symptom of any time. And if you're taking stimulants, that's why you're anxious and it may also be why you're depressed. So to be doing drugs and taking Paxil is unnecessary. You need to go talk to your doctor about the drugs you're doing because that might be the entire problem.

47:11 Guest I'm not doing them.

47:13 It says not to drink and not to smoke pot and stuff. And I've never had a side effect from that. So I thought maybe...

47:19 Drew Okay. This is what I'm talking about. You need to talk to your doctor about all these drugs you're doing. That's probably why you're having the anxiety. These drugs affect your brain. The brain chemistry gets affected, and anxiety and panic and these sorts of things get triggered. To be taking Paxil in the face of that cause is a mistake. And putting you at risk for this potential interaction with these substances too. So it's not a good idea.

47:44 Adam All right.

47:44 Drew I'm not saying don't take your Paxil. I'm saying talk to your doctor.

47:47 Adam Well, honey, you're 17. You don't have enough problems. Do you know what I'm saying?

47:53 Drew Yeah.

47:54 Adam You want to screw yourself up even once you hit yourself on the head with a frying pan. You're 17, you little screwball. Straighten yourself out. What are you doing? What do you want to do with your life? What's your plan?

48:08 Caller I don't know.

48:09 Adam Let me explain something. I know when you're 17, you think you die when you're 22. You don't. You died 82. In the time between 17 and 82, it can suck. Okay? So clear your mind out a little bit and get your ass together. Okay. Thank you. How dare you. How dare you!

48:29 Drew By the way, next time you call one of our callers honey, I think I'll vomit.

48:32 Adam All right, sweet pea.

48:35 100 Love 191.

48:37 Adam We'll be right back.

49:19 Drew Once again, this damn show interfered with our discussion.

49:22 Adam Drew and I are really getting into it tonight. Let me tell you something, I'd like to pay my partner a compliment.

49:28 Drew Oh, wow. I'll remember this moment.

49:31 Adam Please do. And listen, I know you have difficulty absorbing the good. You're like an evil sponge that only absorbs the bad. But I'd like you to absorb some good. And maybe this is the Toll House morsels talking. We've been eating chocolate chip cookies here all night. But I tell people, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart, when they talk to me about this show, I say, who would not give the right foot to sit in a room with Dr. Drew and talk to him on a nightly basis? I mean, one of the most interesting, intelligent, provocative guys in the world. And I get to sit here night in and night out. And granted, I don't necessarily appreciate it on a nightly basis.

50:16 Drew Or like me.

50:18 Adam No, I always like you. How dare you? How dare you? Please, absorb this. Absorb this, please.

50:24 Drew It's interesting how uncomfortable this is for me.

50:26 Adam Save your commentary. Just absorb it. That for quite a few people around this country, and you have to kind of, I know, Drew, to you, you're you. And your self-esteem isn't what it could be. And you're used to you by now. So it's no big deal hanging around with you. But think about all the people in this country that would really just love to sit next to you on a plane or in a room and chew the fat with you, talk to you about, pick your brain, get your many years of wisdom, information, knowledge imparted on them. And it really is a unique opportunity. And I don't take it for granted. And Drew and I have great, interesting conversations. And it never stops. I mean, when we go to commercial, when we're done talking to you, then it's right back into this human condition. Now, it's not about the 17 year olds that are smoking crack. Although a lot of the times it is. I mean, the conversation will just carry straight through the commercials and it does with our guests a lot of the times too. And it's how you know we want to be here because it's what we would do anyway. All right.

51:42 Drew Thank you.

51:42 Adam Thank you. No, thank you. David?

51:46 Drew No, it's a greater pleasure for me.

51:47 Adam No, no, I'm Don Francisco's sister. David, you're 16. What's up?

51:52 Caller I'm just wondering. I've been with my girlfriend for three months now and we've gone at it for everything up to sex, but not sex for hours, like two hours at least each time. And she still hasn't been able to make me climax.

52:09 Drew Do you masturbate?

52:11 Caller Yes, I do.

52:12 Drew And is there any problem then?

52:13 Caller Not at all.

52:14 Adam And how fast do you do it then?

52:17 Caller I can get it in five minutes.

52:19 Drew Or do you have the Corolla syndrome where you can, you have the ninja effect where you can do whatever you want?

52:25 Adam Thank you.

52:26 Caller I don't know. I can get it in like five minutes and I can make it last.

52:31 Drew It is the Corolla syndrome.

52:33 Adam Thank you.

52:33 Drew Okay. You advise him.

52:35 Adam I found the chosen one.

52:36 Drew One of your brethren.

52:37 Adam All right, David. But when you masturbate, you can do it very quickly. Yes. What position are you in when you masturbate?

52:46 Caller I'm lying on my back.

52:47 Drew Oh, this is...

52:48 Adam I see. You're on your back.

52:49 Caller Yes.

52:50 Adam Yes. Can you get her to get on top of you so that you can be in that same position that you're used to when you masturbate?

52:58 Caller She's done that before.

53:00 Adam How does that suit you? Does it feel like you're getting any closer?

53:03 Caller It feels great, but I still can't climb it.

53:06 Adam But here's my question. If you were on top of her, would you be closer or farther away from it than if you were on your back?

53:16 Caller From it?

53:17 Adam The climax.

53:20 Caller Oh, probably further away.

53:22 Adam Right. So here's what I'm saying. You masturbate how often?

53:29 Caller At least three or four times a week.

53:31 Drew You're saying recreate the magic.

53:33 Adam Yeah. Your penis is used to you being on your back and being stimulated while your legs are locked out or whatever in front of you. Right? Right. So you get in that same position, you get her on top and you maintain that position and eventually your penis is going to wake up and something's going to happen.

53:52 Caller All right.

53:53 Adam That's my point.

53:54 Caller Okay.

53:55 Drew Shouldn't be tried by everyone. This is just for the Corolla brethren.

53:58 Adam Thank you.

53:59 Caller Thank you.

53:59 Adam All right. Use some birth control though, right?

54:01 Caller Right.

54:02 Adam What are you using?

54:03 Caller She's just seen her gynecologist for the pill.

54:07 Drew All right. So you can wait a month and what are you going to use in the meantime?

54:10 Caller Condom.

54:10 Drew There you go.

54:10 Adam All right there, David.

54:12 Caller All right.

54:12 Adam You'll be fine.

54:13 Caller Bye.

54:13 Adam All right. It's good.

54:14 Drew Of course the condom will not let him have a condom.

54:17 Adam Let's not plant that seed. Carrie?

54:19 Caller Yeah.

54:20 Adam You're 15.

54:20 Caller Yeah.

54:21 Adam What's up?

54:22 Caller Okay. Um, I have an it down there.

54:25 Adam Yeah.

54:26 Caller And I was with a guy like a week ago, I think.

54:29 Drew Oh, no. You had sex with him?

54:31 Caller No. He just like, he went like down on me.

54:37 Adam He went down on you?

54:39 Drew Are you okay?

54:41 Adam You crying or laughing?

54:43 Caller I'm laughing.

54:44 Adam Oh, okay. No. That happens to me sometimes when I go down on a girl.

54:48 Caller Oh.

54:49 Drew That she laughs.

54:50 Caller Oh, yeah.

54:50 Adam It's more of a guffaw.

54:52 Caller But I tried to tell my mom about it, like to take me to the doctors or something. But like she called me a slut and stuff.

54:59 Adam Your mom did?

54:59 Caller Yeah.

55:00 Drew She's very sensitive.

55:01 Adam Yeah. I remember the first time my mom called me a slut.

55:04 Drew You were three though, right?

55:05 Adam It was like I was six. It was really one of those international coffee type scenarios. I think we were sitting out at our summer place. Just, you know, the calm on the lake as the sun sets.

55:19 Caller Uh-huh.

55:20 Drew Wooden chairs.

55:20 Adam All right. So, your mom called you a slut.

55:23 Caller So, I told her that...

55:25 Adam What's going on in the background there?

55:27 My friend.

55:28 Adam What's she doing?

55:29 Caller She's like making noises.

55:31 Wow.

55:33 Adam Could you tell her to shut up, please? All right. So, you went to the gynecologist?

55:38 Caller No, I didn't because I told her that it went away because she was threatening not to let me go out and just like ground me and stuff.

55:45 Drew Oh, God. Why don't you go to Planned Parenthood then? Somewhere you can go by yourself.

55:49 Caller I can go by myself?

55:50 Adam Yeah.

55:51 Drew Okay. Here's the number. Ready?

55:54 Caller Okay. Let me get a pen.

55:59 Adam While you're there, you pick up a brochure. So, you're a slut. I think they have it right at the cash register.

56:05 Drew It's actually, so your mom called you a slut.

56:06 Adam So, your mom called you a slut.

56:07 Drew Yeah. Okay. 1-800-230-PLAN.

56:18 Caller E-L-A-N.

56:19 Drew Okay.

56:20 Adam P. P as in urinate. L-A-N.

56:25 Caller Okay.

56:26 Drew 1-800-230-PLAN.

56:28 Adam All right.

56:28 Drew They'll refer you somewhere locally.

56:30 Adam You know, it's funny. They must have those goofy posters up at Plan Parenthood. You know when you go to any state-run facility, you see those pictures.

56:41 Drew It takes a real man to be a father.

56:42 Adam Usually a stick figure kind of guy wearing a hard hat saying, um, saying safety is no accident. That kind of thing. You know, when you go down to like the Department of Building and Safety, you'll see that kind of stuff on the wall. They must have those same goofy figures on a on a poster.

57:00 Drew No, it's all very sort of model-perfect people with their kids on their shoulder.

57:05 Adam Oh, really?

57:06 Drew Yeah, that kind of stuff.

57:07 Adam What is it, by the way, about those posters that I'm talking about, whether it's at school or like whether it's at any state-run thing? Like I said, you know, you go to the DMV, you'll see them. Yeah. You go to the Department of Building and Safety, you'll see them. What is it about those posters that are so unaffective and unattractive?

57:27 Drew Well, first of all, organizations like DMV, it sort of attracts such creative types into the ranks.

57:34 Adam No, but I mean, what I mean is, is you look at that poster and it's just, there could, there's nothing, you've never seen anything less appealing or that makes you not want to do whatever the poster wants you to do less. Now, how do they work that? How do they get that down to such an art?

57:49 Drew Well, now think of the culture at the DMV.

57:52 Adam All right. I understand. I understand. You know what I said would be really funny? I was down at the DMV a couple of months ago, renewing my license, and I was talking to the guy who, when you fill out your stuff, your address, your name, your height, and your weight in the box, and you slide it back to him, he processes it. I said to him, you know what you ought to do? Every time a woman comes here and slides one back to you, look at her, look down and go, five, five, one, 30? I don't think so. Now, I don't want to offend you, ma'am, but it's important that we get this stuff right in case there's an accident or you get into some kind of legal trouble. Now, I got you probably about 5'2, maybe about 2'05, and just watch them freak. You know, just try to keep a straight face and be as earnest as possible and go, okay, listen, you got to work with me. I don't know if you're 2'05, we have a scale on the back. I don't want to have to, I don't want this to get to the point where I get the scale out, but you're no 130, so I'm just going to write in 185. Just watch them, just go nuts, and just really say, listen. It's important. You understand that I am a representative of the state of California, and that I have sworn in on this position, and that I can lose my job if the information on this is not accurate. So, 185. Wouldn't that be great? And let's fix the five-five. Let's bring that down to five. Two, 185, and you're lucky.

59:31 Drew I'm being kind to you.

59:32 Adam Yes, I'm being very, you're lucky. I'm in a good mood. You're lucky it's Friday. You come in here on Monday, you're 245. Oh, that would be a great gig. Tim, they must have to say that at some point.

59:43 Drew If somebody's just flat out off the wall. That would be the other thing to do, is come in.

59:47 Adam I mean, your description on your license sort of has to fit you, whether your eyes brown and your height and your weight and stuff. And if someone comes in and they're 175 pounds and they say 120, you kind of got to say something, don't you?

1:00:03 Drew I don't think they spend enough time to even look at that.

1:00:05 Adam Tim?

1:00:06 Yeah.

1:00:06 Adam You're 21.

1:00:08 Caller Actually, I'm 23.

1:00:09 Adam Oh, okay, that's better.

1:00:11 Caller I'm 23.

1:00:12 Adam What's up?

1:00:13 Caller Okay, I got two questions. I'm a long-time listener for once, okay? But I've been smoking marijuana since I was five years old.

1:00:20 Drew Regularly?

1:00:21 Caller Regularly. I smoke like a dime bag in a day.

1:00:25 Drew Interesting.

1:00:26 Caller Easy.

1:00:26 Adam Since five?

1:00:28 Caller Since five.

1:00:28 Drew I just listened to his voice for a second. Do you pick him at 22? You're gay. No, no, no.

1:00:33 Adam No, he's tiny, Tim.

1:00:34 Drew Yeah, tiny.

1:00:35 Caller Not tiny.

1:00:36 Drew How tall are you?

1:00:37 Caller I'm 6'3.

1:00:38 Adam How much do you weigh?

1:00:39 Caller 190.

1:00:40 Adam See, if I worked at DMV, you'd be up at 220.

1:00:44 Drew You're better at 120.

1:00:45 Adam Tim, how do you smoke pot at 5?

1:00:49 Caller Well, let me explain to you. I have brothers that were a big pothead. I'm not saying no names or nothing because they're known real well in the world now. They used to give me joints all the time and I just used to keep smoking.

1:01:05 Adam How old were they?

1:01:07 Caller The youngest one was maybe 19 at the time.

1:01:14 Adam You have brothers that were 15 years old or new and they're known real well in the world? Wayne's brothers?

1:01:22 Caller No.

1:01:22 Adam No. Who knows them?

1:01:27 Caller FBI.

1:01:30 Adam They're fugitives. They're not celebrities.

1:01:32 Caller Well, yeah. Put it that way.

1:01:34 Adam Okay.

1:01:34 Drew Well, part of their criminal behavior was acted out on you.

1:01:37 Adam How many brothers were there all together?

1:01:39 Caller Four of us.

1:01:40 Adam Four of you? This is why I hate, this is why I always pray that screwed up moms give birth to daughters so we can have more strippers and less criminals.

1:01:49 Drew Was it Moms Mabley? What was that family?

1:01:51 Adam Yeah.

1:01:52 Caller That ain't the best of it. Yeah. All right. I'm on also, I've been on lithium and thorazine for the last three years.

1:01:59 Drew Yeah. I'm sure your brother's inflicted other than just cannabis upon you.

1:02:06 Caller Right. I guess. I don't know.

1:02:07 Drew Right. That may have contributed to your psychiatric condition, but the pod also figured it, I'm sure. I'm sure pod's not your only drug.

1:02:15 Adam What are you doing now for a living?

1:02:17 Caller For a living? I work for a radio station.

1:02:20 Adam I see. Is your mother disappointed that you didn't go into a life of crime?

1:02:25 Caller No.

1:02:26 Adam I see.

1:02:26 Caller I'm glad, actually.

1:02:27 Adam Yeah. Listen.

1:02:29 Drew I cannot picture him.

1:02:30 Adam Seriously, are your three brothers all like fugitives from the law?

1:02:33 Caller Yeah.

1:02:34 Adam Yeah. You know what I would do if I was in charge? I'd go lock your mom right up in a heartbeat. I'd beat the crap out of that old bitch.

1:02:42 Caller I've got one more question.

1:02:43 Adam I definitely would lock her ass up. I'd say, listen, whatever it is, you did it. Now, we can't find them, but we know where you are. Come on down.

1:02:50 Drew Where's dad?

1:02:51 Caller What type of effects are they?

1:02:52 Adam Lock dad up, too.

1:02:53 Caller Dad's already locked up.

1:02:55 Adam There you go.

1:02:55 Drew I'm surprised.

1:02:56 Caller He's already locked up for murder.

1:02:58 Adam There it is. Yeah.

1:03:00 Caller That would cause my whole problem, probably.

1:03:02 Drew Well, there's a lot, Tim, to try to sort of tease out a simple description of what's gone on with you is essentially impossible.

1:03:10 Caller Okay.

1:03:11 Drew Okay, POT is one of the variables here.

1:03:13 Caller What would happen if I get off of it?

1:03:16 Drew You would be, it would improve your situation to get into a program of recovery. And before anybody could really work with you on anything else, you'd have to do that as a first step.

1:03:25 Caller At first, okay. Yeah. My other question is, Dr. Drew?

1:03:28 Drew Yeah.

1:03:28 Caller Is, I have a girlfriend that I just broke up with about a week ago because she told me she went to the hospital and she had warts, supposedly, and she had to have them burned out. And we broke up over an argument. She was blaming me for it. And I told her it was not me because I was with no other woman before her. Is it possibly that I was born with warts?

1:03:48 Drew No. I mean, you would have known that. No. Although many, many, many Adam, men have the wart virus and don't know it.

1:03:59 Adam You swing by the ATM next Wednesday when we checked my penis for warts. That's all I ask.

1:04:03 Drew We got to bring 100 bucks down to the table next Wednesday.

1:04:05 Adam 100 bucks.

1:04:06 Drew What time of the show are we going to do this? Let's make sure we have the proper audience available. Straight up right after the top of the hour.

1:04:12 Adam All right. We'll build into it.

1:04:14 Drew Marcel will be in the first hour. You can abuse him the way you normally abuse me. Then we'll get out that big magnifying glass, paint your penis in the acidic acid. That's right. Then we will just find whatever the hell is there.

1:04:28 Adam That's right. Which will be nothing. You'll be nothing. I might pee on one of you while my penis is there. It's a defensive technique I learned in summer camp.

1:04:40 Drew Brewing.

1:04:40 Adam Yes. Oh, yes. Danielle, you're 22.

1:04:45 Caller Yes.

1:04:46 Adam What's your question tonight?

1:04:47 Caller I want to know if it's dangerous at all to swallow.

1:04:51 Drew At all?

1:04:52 Caller Yeah.

1:04:53 Drew It adds to the risk. Things like HIV, hepatitis.

1:04:56 Caller I'm in a five-year monogamous relationship.

1:04:59 Adam Now, you're fine.

1:05:00 Drew That's what it adds the risk for.

1:05:02 Adam Right. But there's nothing... Can you pass a cold on that way?

1:05:05 Caller Hmm.

1:05:07 Caller No, I mean...

1:05:08 Adam What?

1:05:09 Drew Interesting question...

1:05:09 Caller .sick or anything.

1:05:10 Drew What?

1:05:11 Caller It's not going to make me sick or mess me up.

1:05:14 Adam No.

1:05:14 Drew Your boyfriend's been working on you about this, huh?

1:05:16 Caller No.

1:05:18 Adam Yeah.

1:05:19 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

1:05:20 Adam Does he need you to swallow?

1:05:22 Caller No. I did it before, but then one of my girlfriends said it was nasty, so I stopped doing it, and then I was like, well, what if it is dangerous?

1:05:29 Drew It's not dangerous by itself. It has potential of increase in risk of sexually transmitted disease, but that's it.

1:05:35 Adam Can't you? Does he want you to swallow it?

1:05:38 Caller Of course.

1:05:39 Adam Yeah, but can't you just detain it for a little while until you get to the toilet?

1:05:47 Caller Oh, that's worse, dude. Come on.

1:05:50 Drew It is? It's even more gross. In your mouth?

1:05:52 Caller No.

1:05:52 Adam Just put it in your mouth and spit it out. Okay, listen. I've made this analogy a thousand times, and I've done this a thousand times. I'm at the refrigerator. I take a swig off of the milk cart, and the milk has gone bad. Do I go, well, I better just cut my losses and swallow it?

1:06:11 Drew Or do you spit it out?

1:06:11 Adam Or do I just walk over to the sink and spit it into the sink? What's nastier? You tell me. And just replace semen with anything. Bad milk, gasoline, a beer that was sitting around a party that somebody put a cigarette out in or something like that. You take a swig off it, you get it in your mouth, you realize very quickly that you don't want to swallow what's in your mouth. So you walk over the sink and you spit it out in the sink. What is wrong with that? Why is that worse than swallowing it? Like I said, using the milk analogy, what would you do? Just go, I got the rancid milk in my mouth, I guess I just have to start, finish what I started or spit it in the sink. It's not that bad. What happened to buttermilk by the way? Didn't people use to drink buttermilk? Remember buttermilk?

1:07:08 Drew Yeah, why did people drink that?

1:07:09 Adam I don't know why people drink buttermilk.

1:07:11 Drew It's like extra fat milk.

1:07:12 Adam My grandfather liked the buttermilk. He claimed it was very-

1:07:15 Drew Good for his bowel.

1:07:16 Adam Thirst quenching. There's nothing better than a cold buttermilk. I was like, what do you mean? Like what? After a good game of two on two basketball, you're going to chug some buttermilk, grandpa?

1:07:25 Drew I just melt down some, I can't believe it's not butter or something. I'm going to drink that.

1:07:29 Adam Yeah. I don't know what buttermilk is. What? It's like it's sour milk. It's not that bad, really. That's the thing. See, my grandpa was Hungarian. He'd bring home all kinds of like, what's for lunch? Buttermilk and tongue. Yeah. That's good.

1:07:47 Drew You know, I was talking to Kari last night. It was kind of interesting. Did you pick up what she was saying about why women in the 18 to 22 age group want to have a lot of sex? Did you pick that up?

1:07:57 Adam You know, here's the thing about Kari. I needed the Kari filter.

1:08:01 Drew I know, I know, I know.

1:08:03 Adam She comes, what comes out of her mouth is like a pump action shotgun, just being, you know, the cop just fires as many rounds as he can out and it scatters everywhere. And I just couldn't grab on to too much of it. Although it sounded like some of it made sense, I still didn't know what she was talking about.

1:08:21 Drew It was, she made a point that we've heard several times before, which is that at that age, women, if they're doing that, they're looking for power.

1:08:28 Adam And to them, of their having sex at 17, with lots of guys, it's for power.

1:08:32 Drew And for a guy, it's not about that. And they can't get that message. For a guy, it's about the sex.

1:08:40 Adam It's an interesting point, which is whatever it is you do, you just assume everyone else does it for the same reason.

1:08:46 Drew Exactly.

1:08:47 Adam And everyone does this with everything in life, whatever it is. And you're right half the time. I mean, you take your car, the car wash, the guy behind you is probably there to get his car clean, too. And you can just go through your life that way. So if you're doing something like having sex in your 17-year-old woman and you're doing it for power, you can kind of assume that the guy is doing it for power, too. And so then there becomes this power struggle that doesn't really exist.

1:09:11 Drew Right.

1:09:12 Adam It's like, I'm going to win out. I'm not going to prove. I'm going to show him. I'm going to prove this.

1:09:15 Drew I'm going to do that.

1:09:16 Adam I'm going to get that. And meanwhile, the guy's like, hey, I just want to get a BJ.

1:09:21 Drew I mean, women can't understand. Men are extraordinarily concrete about that. I mean, that's the end.

1:09:26 Adam That's it. We don't want the power. We want to get off.

1:09:29 Drew They don't want the relationship. They don't want the power.

1:09:31 Adam Just want to come.

1:09:32 Drew Yeah.

1:09:33 Adam There you go. Yes. Interesting point. Catherine.

1:09:36 Yes.

1:09:37 Adam You're 19. What's up?

1:09:39 Caller Yeah. I've been going out with my boyfriend for about four years, and well, when I was younger, I was molested, and I can't like out of the moment or when we're not together, I want to be intimate with him. I want to have sex with him, but when we're together, I just can't. I guess you could call it like a flashback, but not really because I don't picture it in my head.

1:10:06 Drew Right. You flashback to that feeling state.

1:10:09 Adam Who molested you?

1:10:10 Caller My brother.

1:10:12 Adam How old was he?

1:10:14 Caller He's three years older than I am.

1:10:15 Drew You've been treated for this?

1:10:17 Caller No.

1:10:17 Drew Why not?

1:10:20 Caller I don't know.

1:10:21 Drew Okay. If you want to start having a healthy relationship with your boyfriend, you're going to need some treatment.

1:10:26 Adam How long did it go on for?

1:10:29 Caller Well, it probably started when I was about seven years old, and it went on until about maybe ten.

1:10:35 Not good.

1:10:36 Adam Just three years. Oh boy. And what did he do with you?

1:10:41 Caller He just did oral.

1:10:47 Adam I don't know what we're expecting that we're going to go, well, there you go.

1:10:54 Jolly good.

1:10:54 Adam It could possibly come out of her mouth.

1:10:56 Cheers. Here, here.

1:10:58 Adam He did the oral on you. Back and forth. Yeah?

1:11:04 Caller Pardon?

1:11:05 Adam You guys did oral on each other?

1:11:08 Caller I can on him, but I can't-

1:11:10 Drew No, no, no. With your brother.

1:11:11 Caller No, not on my brother. I thought you were talking to him.

1:11:14 Adam Oh, he just did on you?

1:11:15 Caller Yeah.

1:11:16 Adam That's low self-esteem. He needs to see a therapist. What is this guy doing today? Please tell me he doesn't have a family of his own.

1:11:23 Caller Your brother. No, he's going to get married in about a year and a half.

1:11:28 Adam Oh, boy. This is your full brother, right?

1:11:31 Caller Yes.

1:11:32 Adam What do you think was up with him? What's going on at the home there that he decides is a good plan?

1:11:41 Caller You know what? I'm not all together sure. I don't really know.

1:11:49 Adam Any you think he was beaten on or abused or anything?

1:11:52 Drew Or molested himself?

1:11:53 Caller No, no, no.

1:11:54 Adam No?

1:11:54 Caller No.

1:11:56 Adam All right. Listen, Katherine, you got to get some help, all right?

1:11:58 Drew So, you can change without some treatment.

1:12:00 Caller Okay.

1:12:01 Adam No treatment. Everything will be good, all right?

1:12:03 Drew All right. All right.

1:12:04 All right.

1:12:05 Adam Three years. How do you drop the ball as a parent, you know? Yeah. I mean, how do you so out of tune with your own goddamn kids that you don't know that one of them's going down on the other one for three years? And forget about grades, report cards, parent-teacher conferences and soccer games. Your kids doing it inside of your house for three years and you ain't hip to that? You're not feeling that vibe, you're not sussing that out? This isn't something that went on at summer camp once when the kids went up north for two weeks. What's going on in the room, in the living room, in the tree house? How far removed from your own kids you got to be that you can't suss that out? Again, lock up the parents. Horrible parenting. That's it.

1:13:00 Drew We have parent camps, I mean like work camps, you know?

1:13:04 Adam Listen, when I'm in charge, they're not going to be called camps, we're going to be called gulags.

1:13:08 Drew Concentration camps.

1:13:09 Adam That's right, internment camps. I'm going to lock them all up. No problem with that at all. All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break, and we'll be back with the show after this. I got a, got a fact from talking about the family guy last night. Let me say this about The Family Guy. I went over there and did another voiceover for The Family Guy. I really like The Family Guy. I think it's a really funny show. It makes me laugh out loud. And to tell you the truth, I haven't seen a comedy that has made me laugh that much in a few years. I really do enjoy The Family Guy. I may have a soft spot for the animated stuff. I've always loved The Simpsons. And the potty humor. And I like the critic as well when it was on. But I like The Family Guy a lot. And I know it's a little bit in Dutch over there with the network. They're not quite sure whether it's going or staying. And if you guys could support good shows, that'd be great. I think the Family Guy is on Fox, Tuesday Nights. They move it around a little bit. I think it's like Tuesday Nights at like 8.30 or 9. I think it was on at 9 last week.

1:15:02 Drew My kids were watching it last night. They very much appreciated the potty humor.

1:15:06 Adam It's really funny, The Family Guy. It really is. I know there's tons and tons of crap out there. But this is really funny. I really enjoy it. And I hope it stays around. And if it stays around long enough, you'll hear me on it. That's really my concern. Jennifer?

1:15:23 Caller Yes?

1:15:24 Adam All right. So you're 16 years old?

1:15:26 Caller Yes.

1:15:26 Adam What's up?

1:15:27 Hi. After I have sex with... Well, he's not really my boyfriend, but I'm seeing him. After I have sex with him, I get really, really, really depressed toward, like, I don't want to eat or anything.

1:15:40 Drew Is this your first partner?

1:15:41 No.

1:15:42 Drew How old were you when you started all this?

1:15:44 Well, 12.

1:15:46 Drew Oh, boy.

1:15:48 Adam So, wait, am I saying it again? I'm just thinking about something else.

1:15:50 Drew Having sex when she was 12. How many guys have you been with?

1:15:53 Six.

1:15:53 Drew Oh, boy. And has each of them caused a depression like this?

1:15:57 No. This was the first one.

1:16:00 Drew Is this guy you're really involved with?

1:16:02 Well, sort of. Not really. I mean, I have feelings for him, but.

1:16:08 Drew What do you think it is?

1:16:09 Sort of together with him for, like, about two years.

1:16:11 Adam Speaking of depressed, I got a fart. Let's see if we can get some going in here. Careful.

1:16:19 Drew Careful.

1:16:20 Adam Yeah.

1:16:21 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:16:21 Adam Oh, yeah. I'm going to use this blade here. Yeah.

1:16:26 Caller Yeah.

1:16:29 Drew Unacceptable.

1:16:30 Adam Careful. Oh, no. No. Hey, I'm sorry, man. Hey, dude. Hey, brother. Hey, guy. Yeah, man.

1:16:41 Drew You cool?

1:16:42 Adam Uh, I'm sorry, man.

1:16:44 Caller Oh. Oh.

1:16:49 Adam Hey, man. I'm sorry. Drew, don't retaliate, though. Don't retaliate.

1:16:53 Drew That was good.

1:16:54 Adam Yeah. I'm sorry, OK? I said I was sorry.

1:16:56 Drew So nice earlier tonight, Alex. Yeah.

1:16:58 Adam I made a mistake. A little slip of the anus. It won't happen again.

1:17:03 Drew That was quite a slip.

1:17:04 Adam Thank you. Last, it was more of a Brody. Last time I broke wind in here, Jennifer, Drew sent back a salvo about 10 minutes later that really, it really destroyed the studio. Lakers came in here at 5 o'clock the next day was complaining about it.

1:17:21 Always try to remember what to do if the atom bomb explodes right then. It's a bomb. Duck and cover.

1:17:30 Adam All right, Jennifer, so. Yeah.

1:17:32 Caller Oh.

1:17:33 Adam Yeah, it's still around. This whole studio is fabric, so you break wind in here and it sticks around for a while. Watch, if I smack the wall, I could probably get a fart I let out two years ago. Want to try? All right, Jennifer, so let's see, what's up with you? Sex with six guys, you're 16, first had sex at 12, then you get depressed after sex.

1:17:53 Drew Well, I've been with this guy for two years, but she doesn't really love him.

1:17:56 Adam All right, break up with him.

1:17:58 Well, we're not really together. We each like sort of see other people.

1:18:01 Drew How old is this guy?

1:18:02 Caller 19.

1:18:03 Adam Hey, baby, why are you growing up so fast?

1:18:06 I don't know.

1:18:07 Adam Slow down a little bit.

1:18:08 Drew Is it the connection and the disconnect you have?

1:18:11 Well, I don't know. See, like, I really want to, but then afterwards, I feel like really bad and I feel like I shouldn't have done it.

1:18:18 Drew But is it that you feel bad about yourself for having engaged with somebody that doesn't really care about you? Or is it that you feel really connected for that moment and when that's ripped away, you feel that abandonment?

1:18:28 Yeah, basically.

1:18:30 Adam Just laughing about that part.

1:18:33 Drew Jennifer, it isn't us.

1:18:34 Adam Thirty-six years old. I'm in here breaking wind. It keeps me young. Jennifer? Speaking of keeping young, listen, don't be in such a hurry. Let me tell you something about being an adult. It's not great. It's better to be in high school. It is. So I don't know what your plan is. It's not a good one. Just slow down. Not everyone's daddy. Stop using men to build yourself up and make you feel a certain way. Hey, here's an overall plan for everyone. Stop using everyone else to make you feel a certain way. You worry about the way you feel, and if you don't feel good about yourself, then you work on that. Don't get other people to do stuff to make you feel better temporarily. It's not a good plan, and we got to deal with you. Thank you. Heather.

1:19:18 Caller Yeah.

1:19:18 Adam You're 17. What's up there, man?

1:19:21 Caller My problem is my dad wasn't around when I was younger, and he's still not around, and I never hear from him once in a while. I like a lot of older guys, really older, and I was wondering if that could be the problem, is him not being around.

1:19:37 Drew Yes.

1:19:38 Adam Very insightful.

1:19:39 Drew Yes. Very nice.

1:19:40 Adam But what do you do with these older guys?

1:19:42 Caller Well, I'm not sexually active with them.

1:19:45 Drew Good. Don't. Please.

1:19:47 Adam You're a little bit smarter than most our callers.

1:19:49 Drew Yeah. What Adam had just said applies here too. Don't use other people to correct the problems of the past or to make you feel a certain way. It's not people. Our relationships aren't meant to regulate our feelings. You understand?

1:20:04 Adam No.

1:20:05 Drew You're meant to come to get another understand.

1:20:06 Adam Heather?

1:20:07 Caller Yeah.

1:20:07 Adam How old are the most of the guys you make out with?

1:20:11 Caller Like the oldest guy that I messed around with, he was 31.

1:20:15 Adam 31. Yeah. And you were 16, 17?

1:20:19 Caller I was 16 when it happened.

1:20:21 Adam What a gentleman. Yes. Who says chivalry is dead? And so you have this, but you realize what's going on.

1:20:31 Caller Yeah.

1:20:31 Drew Yeah.

1:20:32 Adam Feel free to answer the question the day we present it to you.

1:20:35 Drew A more real relationship will help you fill that void in a much healthier way than trying to reenact a loss that can't possibly be restored.

1:20:45 Adam Now listen, I don't worry about the Heathers of the World because they live out of stain. No, because she knows what's going on. She's not having sex with these guys and she's at the tender young age of 17 is already trying to shine a little light on her situation, scratch a little beneath the surface and figure out what's motivating her. She'll be fine. Yeah. Okay. You know what you're doing, Heather. Now regulate it. John?

1:21:12 Caller Yeah.

1:21:12 Adam You're 15?

1:21:13 Caller Yeah.

1:21:14 Caller I was wondering, does a penis enlarger really work?

1:21:18 Adam If you keep it on while you're having sex.

1:21:21 Caller Oh, you got to keep it on while you're having sex?

1:21:23 Adam Yes. Because most of that lucite is a good eighth to 3 sixteenths. The sidewall thickness is sometimes as much as a quarter. That can add, and that's both sides.

1:21:34 Drew How do you deal with that flat top though?

1:21:36 Adam Oh, well, here's what I do. As I said, you put the tube over your penis, right?

1:21:42 Drew Yeah.

1:21:42 Adam And it's lucite. And like I said, the sidewall, 3 sixteenths on each side. That's each side. That adds 3 eighths overall to the circumference of your penis. Right. All right? Plus, probably could be an inch, inch and a quarter in length.

1:21:56 Drew Yeah.

1:21:57 Adam Now, all you have to do is pop the vacuum tube off the end, and you're fine.

1:22:02 Drew How do you deal with the metal ones?

1:22:03 Adam Thick male condom, put it over that, and you've added another couple tenths of an inch there.

1:22:10 Drew How about the surgical steel version, the extra expensive ones? What do those have to offer?

1:22:16 Adam Those aren't meant to have sex with.

1:22:17 Drew Oh, I see. Those actually are larger penis.

1:22:21 Adam I don't know. It's really the only thing that makes me think those things might work is that there's a $275 version of it, and I'm thinking to myself, wow, maybe that one works. I saw it. I mean, it was made out of surgical steel and titanium. It was really a nice, you know, sealed ball bearings. It was really nice.

1:22:39 Drew As soon as you pick that up and take it to the cashier, you know what happens to you? I saw it happen on Warner Brothers cartoon just last night.

1:22:44 Adam Penis shrinks?

1:22:45 Drew No, you turn into one of those suckers.

1:22:47 Adam Oh, the giant sucker?

1:22:48 Drew Yeah, the giant sucker. All right.

1:22:49 Adam I won't do it then. I don't think it works. But you look at it this way. You pump blood to your penis all day every day. I mean, don't you? I mean, as a 15-year-old guy, you wake up in an erection, you go to bed with an erection, and you have 150 erections during the school day, right? That's pulling blood to your penis.

1:23:10 Drew Yeah.

1:23:11 Adam And that's what the pump does. So it's essentially causing you to have a super erection. So if your penis isn't growing from the blood that's being pumped to it now, why should it grow from the blood that's artificially pumped to it?

1:23:22 Drew Without exception, guys that have preoccupations about the size of their penis, that are really preoccupied about it, that is really just a symbol for their self-worth, and have more substantially preoccupations about their esteem.

1:23:32 Adam Right. Josh?

1:23:34 Yeah.

1:23:34 Adam You're 15.

1:23:35 Caller Hey, what's up, guys?

1:23:36 Adam Hey.

1:23:36 Caller Hey, I saw you on the Craig Kilborn show. Nice hat.

1:23:40 Adam Oh, thank you. I wore my cowboy hat.

1:23:42 Drew No.

1:23:43 Adam Still getting letters from those faggity actors who are complaining about me telling them to get back to work with the commercial strike. I loved your lift. Thank you very much.

1:23:54 Caller Hey, my cousin came up about the beginning of summer, and we smoked like a lot. He had a gram with him, and we smoked about half of that.

1:24:04 Drew Of weed?

1:24:05 Caller Yeah, and he had about a rock opium, and we cut that off, and we put it on top of the bowl, and then we smoke it out, and then a day later, I was hanging out with my friends, and I got really dizzy, and I felt like I was high again. I swear. I kept telling my cousin, I was like, dude, I feel so funny.

1:24:27 Drew High like with the pot or high with the opium?

1:24:30 Caller Just like I don't know what it was.

1:24:31 Drew Well, it could be the pot coming back.

1:24:33 Caller It was the first time I smoked opium.

1:24:35 Adam How old is your cousin?

1:24:36 Caller He's the same age as me.

1:24:38 Adam Well, that's nice. Your folks must be happy that he shows up with a trunk full of hash and opium. This guy's great. He comes to stay with you. It's like Pablo Escobar swinging by. Isn't he like a Colombian drug cartel guy? Why don't you just get some drug lord to swing by for the weekend? It's great. Does he have the stuff shipped in from Peru or does he just bring it himself?

1:25:05 Caller No, he gets it from friends because he just moved to Idaho so he doesn't have any connections now.

1:25:12 Adam I see. Well, he'll be connected inside the week, I'm sure.

1:25:15 Caller I got another question. I heard that if you swallow cum, it gets on the outside of your stomach walls and it makes it like, I don't know, it screws it up.

1:25:27 Adam That's very true. Stay away from those penises, Josh.

1:25:31 Caller I'm not saying-

1:25:32 Adam Was that payment for the weed? You know what I'm saying, brother? Dude. You can be honest. Be honest. This stuff's not cheap.

1:25:39 Caller I'm not gay, dude.

1:25:41 Adam Unless you're not gay, you just want to get a nice buzz. You do what you got to do. We've all been there.

1:25:46 Caller I can't get-

1:25:46 Adam Every one of us has been there.

1:25:49 Caller Right.

1:25:52 Adam All right. So he pulled out?

1:25:54 Caller I don't know.

1:25:55 Adam Okay. All right. So listen, don't worry about semen in your stomach lining, you goofball.

1:26:01 Caller No. I mean, me and my girlfriend, you know, we get-

1:26:04 Adam 15. Yeah. All right. Now, yes, tell her it's poison. Tell her to kill her. One drop will kill her.

1:26:14 Drew One drop and she'll gain 30 pounds too.

1:26:16 Adam That's right. She'll only have time to get fat before she dies.

1:26:21 Drew 40,000 calories per drop.

1:26:24 Adam That's right. That's right. A tablespoon of semen is the equivalent to-

1:26:33 Drew Lake Michigan.

1:26:37 Adam Eating a Lake Michigan size of lard, liquid fat. Thank you. All right. We will take ourselves a little break. We'll be back with who knows who after this.

1:26:51 What? Who?

1:26:52 Adam All right. After this.

1:27:32 Drew That's punk, dude.

1:27:39 Caller This one was not a slip.

1:27:46 Adam Yeah. I just let a nice one go. And cleared out of here. Seconds.

1:27:53 Caller Yeah.

1:27:58 Adam Oh, come on. Get back in here and do your job. Come on, grow up, man. It's time to go to work. It's a medical condition. You're a doctor. How dare you make fun of my anus? How dare you? And that's funny why?

1:28:12 Drew Oh, what is that?

1:28:13 Adam Yeah. I don't know.

1:28:15 Caller Wow.

1:28:16 Adam I let a nice one go. You know, I was... Here's my new food, beer and cherries. Oh, don't spray that Lysol around. Oh, it's out. Good. Good. Oh, what a buzzkill. Drew just was just reeling in pain over there, and he saw the Lysol can on top of the TV set, and he dove for it, and he sprayed it.

1:28:42 Drew Had a little bit. Well, it got a little air.

1:28:43 Adam Did it have any in there? Drew's ready to chew through the sidewall of the can and see if he can lick some of the scent out of there. Nice. I was up at Kari Wurr's house, who was in here last night for a little VH1 movie pre-party, whatever, and I ate a bunch of cherries and beer. I think that may be what you're getting.

1:29:05 Drew It's deadly.

1:29:06 Adam Thank you. I'm going to have to write it down. Cody?

1:29:10 Yeah.

1:29:10 Adam You're 13?

1:29:12 Caller Yeah.

1:29:12 Adam What's up?

1:29:13 Caller I was going to say, first, you are the man.

1:29:15 Adam Thank you. You'd really appreciate me if you were here.

1:29:19 Caller Yeah. Well, I went to my doctor because I have these really big nipples. I'm not fat or anything. I'm 6'1, about 140. But I have really big nipples that poof out.

1:29:33 Drew What did the doctor say?

1:29:34 He said, I can't remember.

1:29:36 Caller He said something about estrogen.

1:29:38 Drew Yeah. That when you hit about...

1:29:40 Caller I'm not sure if that was it.

1:29:41 Yeah.

1:29:41 Drew When you hit about...

1:29:43 Adam Are they like... Is it that there's sort of lumps under the nipples?

1:29:47 Caller There's like little tiny lumps.

1:29:49 Drew Yeah.

1:29:50 Caller And then it's really poofed out.

1:29:51 Drew Yeah. When you're 13, your testes haven't quite turned on in full force yet. And the adrenal glands tend to produce a certain amount of estrogen. And men can get that. And if they smoke pot, it gets worse.

1:30:03 Adam Yeah. I know, guys, I think I remember having like a lump.

1:30:08 Drew Yeah.

1:30:08 Adam Under my nipple when I was like 14 or something. And I think it was one of those puberty things.

1:30:13 Drew Yeah.

1:30:14 Adam Christine? Christine?

1:30:17 Drew Call her who goes by Christine.

1:30:19 Adam 27, boyfriend's bad in bed? No. Not going to talk? Fine. Dan?

1:30:25 Hey, what's up?

1:30:26 Adam You're 21. What's going on?

1:30:28 Caller Hey, yeah. So for a number of years, like since I've been 16 or so, I get really, really intense anxiety when I'm trying to figure out how to ask a girl out.

1:30:36 Adam I'm sorry. Once I think of that fart, I start lambing. Yeah. Yeah.

1:30:41 Caller Didn't you hear?

1:30:42 Adam I'm sorry. So you ask girls out, you get anxious.

1:30:44 Drew Panic attacks.

1:30:45 Caller I get really anxious trying to figure out how to ask them out. And of course, it's some of that's natural. And over time, most of it's gone away. But I mean, I get really, really anxious about it. I can't eat and I can't sleep at night and stuff like that. And it used to be I could get on this way for like two months, but now it's down to like a day or two.

1:31:01 Drew Just getting up the nerve to ask someone out?

1:31:03 Caller Yeah, well, but the thing is, though, I was really brazen about it. Like I can just go up and do it if like I'm in the situation where she's alone and I'm with her or something like that.

1:31:12 Caller But just hold on.

1:31:13 Adam I got some. Oh, and it's that Anderson aids it too. And so is Daniel. Nobody likes my farting with me and Jimmy. And that's funny. Why?

1:31:30 Caller Oh, my God. It's painful.

1:31:33 Adam Oh, the Mike smell. Oh, that's huge. Yeah, you better fire back, buddy. You better work something up.

1:31:47 Drew I'm getting a big white flag.

1:31:49 Adam You know what you need? You know, you need those garlic tablets. You just keep them in your pocket. You swallow a few of those, pop you in. Yeah. Yeah, bite down on it. Fire back. Wow, it's got its own kind of unique thing going on too. It's very cherries and beer, cherries and beer. Hi, Dan. What's up? Anxious girls. Yeah, right. A sweet burnt.

1:32:13 Drew Yeah.

1:32:14 Adam It's interesting. If you didn't know I broke wind, you'd be all right with it. You'd come in like, hey, someone got put eggplant on the grill or what is it? What's marinating? You'd be all right with it if you didn't know it came out of my ass.

1:32:28 Drew No. Yes. That's because it's your own stuff. That's why it's okay for you. Yeah.

1:32:32 Adam The mic still smells.

1:32:33 Drew Oh my God.

1:32:35 Adam All right. Dan? Yeah. Anxious.

1:32:37 Caller I want to go remember you, Dr. Drew, you said something to-

1:32:40 Drew Social phobia.

1:32:41 Caller A similar call about maybe they were depressed or didn't have a lot of self-esteem.

1:32:45 Drew Well, those are issues that come to bear here, but social phobia is sort of one of these diagnoses that would potentially fit what you're describing, and there are medications that help with that.

1:32:57 Adam I don't know about that. Angela?

1:32:59 Yeah.

1:33:00 Adam You're 16?

1:33:02 Caller I caught you guys like a week or two ago about me having a threesome.

1:33:08 Adam Yeah?

1:33:09 Caller You guys probably don't remember me.

1:33:12 Adam Well, let's just say we do for the sake of argument.

1:33:14 Caller Calling about the morning after pills.

1:33:16 Adam Right.

1:33:19 Caller I didn't get it in time.

1:33:22 Adam Why not?

1:33:24 Caller Because I only had like that night and I called and it was an answer machine.

1:33:30 Caller Oh, okay.

1:33:32 Caller So I don't know what to do.

1:33:35 Adam So you're pregnant?

1:33:36 Caller Yeah.

1:33:37 Adam All right.

1:33:37 Drew You know that for sure.

1:33:39 Caller Yeah.

1:33:40 Adam Well, you got to have an adoption or you got to have an abortion?

1:33:43 Caller I can't do either of those.

1:33:45 Adam Oh, okay. Well, then you got to raise a child.

1:33:48 Caller I can't do that either.

1:33:49 Adam Well, let's see. Adoption, abortion, raise child. How about you do some sort of a satanic ritual where you sacrifice a child after it's born? No?

1:34:04 Caller No.

1:34:05 Adam Okay. Well, why can't you do any of the first few options?

1:34:09 Caller I don't believe in that.

1:34:11 Adam Well, you believe in threesomes. Certainly, you're flexible morally, right?

1:34:16 Caller No. I don't know.

1:34:19 Adam Well, listen. Listen. If you'll go for a threesome, you'll go for about anything, right?

1:34:25 Caller I was really drunk.

1:34:26 Adam All right. Well, if you go for alcohol and a threesome, you're not uptight. How about an abortion?

1:34:36 Drew How about you talk to somebody about this? What do you think?

1:34:40 Adam Yeah.

1:34:42 Drew You're going to have to talk to somebody, right?

1:34:44 Adam Yeah. Hey, Angela?

1:34:47 Drew Yeah. Okay.

1:34:48 Adam Listen. I'm mad at you for not getting the morning after pill, but I'm-

1:34:52 Caller I called you guys, and you guys gave me a number, 1-888, not too late. And I called, and it was an answer machine, and I had to wait the next day.

1:35:02 Adam I know, but you listen to the show enough to know what you should have done in the first place.

1:35:06 Caller What?

1:35:07 Adam You should have tried to get the morning after, pill the morning after.

1:35:11 Caller I called you.

1:35:12 Adam All right. Well, listen, I take full responsibility in that case.

1:35:15 Caller You're fault. I'm sorry.

1:35:16 Adam Okay. Well, listen, listen, Angela, you got to go into Planned Parenthood, you got to sit down with somebody, you got to discuss some options. You understand?

1:35:25 Caller I don't think there are any options.

1:35:27 Drew Well, there are.

1:35:28 Adam There are.

1:35:28 Drew You need to talk to someone about it.

1:35:30 Adam All right. I mean, there's nothing we can do. You know, there's a few options, and you're going to have to sit down and figure it out. It'll work out.

1:35:37 Drew It's not the first time someone's been in this position. And there are people there that can help you.

1:35:41 Adam Yes.

1:35:42 Drew They really are. It turns out okay. Plus, you get the chance to speak with other women who've been through this and get some support that way.

1:35:48 Adam All right. We'll be back. Drew's going to get some support from me farting on him for the last half hour.

1:35:53 Hello. This is your radio. Love Line will be right back.

1:36:34 Adam Yeah, it's all good. All right, we're going to take an extended break. We'll be back with Everclear, our good friends tomorrow night.

1:36:42 Drew Fantastic.

1:36:43 Adam So until next time. Oh, geez.

1:36:46 Drew No, let's go. Let's go.

1:36:47 Adam I know, but hold on.

1:36:48 Drew Come on.

1:36:49 Adam Hold on.

1:36:50 Caller All right. Oh my God.

1:37:00 Adam A little parting gift for you, Drew. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. I remember the first time my mom called me a slut.

1:37:10 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, July 12, 2000