Episode 1000754887444

1:43 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:54 Adam Yeah. It's Loveline. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number, 310-8-5-4-44-55. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. You have a good weekend there, Drew?

2:09 Drew Not bad. I've been sick all weekend.

2:11 Adam Oh, really? When you got there?

2:13 Drew I had a sore throat, fever, all that stuff.

2:15 Adam Always funny when the doctor gets sick.

2:16 Drew Thank you. Thank you for your empathy.

2:18 Adam Like when the fire chief's house burns down. Always funny.

2:21 Drew That's nice.

2:22 Adam Sort of ironic funny, but funny.

2:24 Drew Channels all in one.

2:24 Adam Nonetheless, I have no idea what that drop was. You want to play the whole thing, Anderson? What?

2:29 Drew And now subscribe to any of our movie packages and you get the first.

2:32 Adam Wow. We're now playing commercials during the show.

2:36 That's great. Somebody messed with something.

2:38 Adam What a surprise. All right. I'd like an official apology from the LA weatherman who told me it was going to be much hotter this weekend than it already was during the week. And I emotionally prepared for that. And now I'd like some compensation.

2:53 Drew Well, Sunday was today was bad.

2:55 Adam No.

2:55 Drew Yesterday was not.

2:56 Adam It was certainly no hotter yesterday and today and Friday than it was during the week. As a matter of fact, it was cooler, especially yesterday and somewhat today. A little cloud coverage. It seemed like a good five, eight, maybe even 10 degrees off of what it was, let's say Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday of last week.

3:17 Drew Which were awful.

3:18 Adam I remember sitting around, I was watching the news, I think Thursday night or Friday afternoon. And they said, hey, if you were miserable this week, load up that gun, because you're going to kill yourself. It is going to be worse this weekend. And I know that that just seems like news, but how do they F up so regularly? And I would really like to get a petition going to put an end to the five and now especially the seven day forecast. Because if you A-holes can't figure out what's going to go on later on that day, you certainly should not be talking about a seven day forecast. Do you know what I mean? The seven day forecast to me is the equivalent, at least for LA weathermen, is equivalent to a guy who's having trouble diving off of a diving board. You know, without his legs flopping over the back of his head or landing on his belly, announcing to the world that he's gonna do a triple gainer with a half twist and not make so much as a ripple when he enters the water. That's what that is to me. And I now completely dismiss it. They start talking. Listen, why don't you idiots just go for the one month forecast as long as you're not doing anything? Because it's absolute nonsense.

4:34 Drew The heat thing affects both of us emotionally the same way. It's devastating.

4:38 Adam I hate the heat.

4:39 Drew I heard the same thing on Thursday and Friday. I thought, oh my God.

4:41 Adam That's right.

4:42 Drew I'm not gonna make it.

4:43 Adam I was emotionally, I don't want to get into details, but I prepared ways to end my life. I wrote a note, a couple, and I had people ready to collect my rotting corpse on Monday.

4:59 Drew Did you have a crew ready to come in and clean your house up?

5:01 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Hide all the porn. Joe?

5:05 Yeah.

5:05 Adam You're 18?

5:06 Caller Yeah.

5:06 Adam What's up?

5:09 Caller Yesterday afternoon, my girlfriend came over, and she decided to get with me or whatever naked on my bed. I started rubbing my penis on her vagina. I see.

5:29 Adam Was it attached to you at the time?

5:32 Caller Yeah.

5:32 Adam Okay. Keep going.

5:36 Caller I started rubbing on her vagina, and I think I might have had some leakage, and I've been tweaking all day, thinking that I got her pregnant.

5:43 Adam Right.

5:44 Caller I don't know, can you get a girl pregnant? But she's still a virgin though.

5:48 Adam I see.

5:49 Caller Yeah. She's still a virgin, and I just want her to know.

5:51 Adam Not in God's house, but yeah. I wouldn't worry about it. It's not a great practice. What do you mean rubbing it on?

6:00 Caller I was like, well, we decided not to have sex, total sex, not go all the way, like for marriage, and so we decided to just do that, just give each other a little pleasure here and there.

6:13 Adam I see. But how many more of these episodes before something slips? Do you know what I mean?

6:19 Caller Yeah.

6:20 Adam I mean, something's got to happen soon, doesn't it?

6:24 Caller So you're saying it's like, if we keep doing this, it's like, if you keep doing it.

6:28 Adam Let me tell you something about the penis, Joe. You're 18, you don't know. The penis has a sort of instinct where it wants to seek shelter, shade or something when it becomes erect.

6:40 Caller Yeah.

6:41 Adam All right.

6:42 Drew It will stop at nothing.

6:43 Adam It will stop at nothing. And what will happen is, is you'll have that erection, and you'll be sort of rubbing it around that area, and it'll magically just find its way in. It's going to happen. I'm surprised it didn't happen this time. So you ought to have a condom nearby, because this is going to happen. She's not pregnant now though.

7:04 Drew Any question, I'll get the morning after pill for her though. 1-888-NOT-NUMBER-2-LATE. 1-888-NOT-TOO-LATE. Get the pill. She takes it once, takes it again a couple of hours, 12 hours, and that will be that.

7:16 Adam Yeah. She's really just rubbing it around though, but who knows what his definition of that is.

7:24 Drew He could be knocking on the door.

7:25 Adam Van Gogh with a paintbrush, just rubbing it around that canvas. Jessica, you're 16, what's up?

7:35 Okay, I have a question for Dr. Loveline.

7:37 Adam Oh, boy.

7:38 Drew Maybe quick. You gotta spit it out fast.

7:39 Adam I'd put her on hold. Why is every line we have so horrible? Jessica is 16, and Loveline wants to know if Depro-Provera, less effective toward the end of the 12 weeks?

7:52 Drew No.

7:53 Adam Is that how long it's good for?

7:54 Drew Right, three months.

7:56 Adam Depo shots good for three months?

7:57 Yeah.

7:59 Adam And I'm guessing it's probably good for three and a half months, they just tell you.

8:02 Drew That's right. And in fact, the decrease in pregnancy rate right now is thought to be due to increase in utilization of more sort of effective means of contraception like this.

8:14 Adam Right.

8:14 Drew The more effective, the more easily to use, the more it's having an effect on pregnancy rates.

8:18 Adam There's a decrease in pregnancy?

8:20 Drew A little bit right now, yeah.

8:21 Adam That's good. Suzanne?

8:24 Drew Not necessarily decrease in births, but decrease in pregnancies.

8:28 Adam I see. What the hell does that mean?

8:32 Drew What does that mean? Even though the numbers of pregnancies are less, the numbers that are seeing those pregnancies through are.

8:40 Adam I see.

8:40 Drew Good. Most of them are out of wedlock.

8:42 Adam More abortions. Good.

8:43 Drew No, less abortions.

8:43 Adam Oh, less abortions. Bad. Suzanne? Hi. Yeah, but wait a minute. I don't know what your point is then, Drew. I'm having trouble processing this.

8:52 Drew Well, you said, ah-ha, teen pregnancies are down. I said, yeah, their pregnancies are down, but the number of births, I'm not sure, are down. I don't think they're down. I'll check that down.

9:00 Adam So what does that mean?

9:01 Drew So that means that people are using more effective contraception, but of the people that get pregnant, they have babies.

9:06 Adam I see.

9:07 Drew More than having babies.

9:07 Adam I see, I see. But you could assume that less pregnancies equals less kids, couldn't you?

9:14 Drew But it's not happening right now.

9:15 Adam It isn't? No, I don't think so. Just less pregnancies.

9:17 Drew Right.

9:18 Adam Well, maybe there's a lot of multiples. Suzanne?

9:20 Guest Yeah?

9:21 Adam You're 15, what's up?

9:22 Guest Okay, first of all, I want to tell you guys that I was on the show like three weeks ago or something when Carmo Electra was on. And I was, I don't know if you remember me, but I was the one that ran away from home and stuff.

9:34 Adam Right. Yeah, we remember you.

9:36 Guest Okay, that's me.

9:38 Adam What's going on?

9:38 Guest Okay, I've like, through my life, I've been raped three times by three different people.

9:44 Adam You've been raped three times by three different people? All right.

9:48 Guest Like totally different times. I just want to know why it's happening.

9:50 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy, by the way. Go ahead.

9:53 Guest I just want to know why it's happening to me.

9:55 Drew People that have been victimized, particularly young children, seem to be great victims as they grow up. And somehow victimizers know how to find you.

10:05 Guest Oh, okay. That totally explains me.

10:08 Adam Yeah. Well, I mean, look at it this way. I was just talking to someone about this the other day. We all know, like, if someone got beat on by their dad, it makes them easier targets to get beat on by their husband or their boyfriend, right? You know what I'm saying? And that's sort of the theory of this show. And then everyone picture some really, like, healthy strong girl who comes from a great, great family and all that kind of stuff, preferably Jewish. This is the one example I used when I was talking about someone I know about, someone named Daniel Chakin. Tough Jewish chick, you know? I said, picture her boyfriend taking a swing at her. What would that end up like? And the guy just started laughing, because it'd be an immediate counterpunch, then a phone to, you know, call the cops, and then that poor guy would never be able to set foot in that house ever again. You know what I'm saying?

11:00 Drew That's right.

11:01 Adam And think about if you tried to rape her, what that would be like, be like trying to rape a bobcat.

11:06 Drew Yeah, right.

11:07 Adam I'm not saying it, I'm not saying rape doesn't happen by force on occasion, but usually not three times.

11:14 Drew I just say, think of puppies.

11:17 Adam All right.

11:17 Drew And the dogs they grow up to be.

11:18 Adam Think about raping puppies?

11:19 Drew No, I mean, if you abuse a puppy, what kind of dogs they grow up to be.

11:22 Adam Yeah.

11:23 Drew And think of the abuse.

11:23 Adam Hold on, I'm still thinking about raping a puppy.

11:25 Drew And that dog tends to attract abuse, doesn't it? The one that's kind of angry.

11:30 Adam OK. Not as good as my Jewish chick story, for example. All right, so what did we leave Suzanne off with?

11:38 Drew What was her question?

11:39 Adam I have no idea. I was telling my wife.

11:41 Drew No, she said, why does she keep, why does this keep happening?

11:43 Adam Suzanne? It's the whole victim thing.

11:47 Guest Yeah. I also have another question. Yeah. Should I tell my boyfriend about it?

11:51 Adam No.

11:52 Drew She tells somebody about it, right?

11:53 Adam Well, wait a minute. I don't trust this guy. Did you pick him?

11:57 Guest Yeah.

11:57 Adam Uh-oh. How old is he?

11:59 Guest He's 19.

12:00 Adam 19. Oh, boy. What's he drive?

12:04 Guest Was he drive? He crashed his car.

12:07 Adam DUI, huh?

12:09 Guest No, it wasn't. He fell asleep like a few years.

12:12 Adam He fell asleep because he was drunk?

12:14 Guest No, he doesn't drink at all.

12:16 Adam I see.

12:16 Guest He doesn't do drugs or anything.

12:17 Adam That's right. He's on probation.

12:19 Guest No, he's not.

12:20 Adam He was in the Marines. He was in the Marines. Oh, that makes me feel much better. What does he do for a living?

12:28 Guest Well, he doesn't have a job right now.

12:29 Adam Why is he not still in the Marines?

12:32 Guest Because he got sent back.

12:35 Adam Yeah.

12:35 Guest Because he had taken Prozac before.

12:41 Drew Because he took Prozac?

12:42 Guest Yeah, like they said that they don't want him to like have anything reoccur, like depression or anything.

12:48 Adam Right. After he held his drill sergeant hostage for a four-day standoff in the barracks.

12:55 Drew After him and the sergeant?

12:56 Adam Yeah. Something happened. All right. Hey, Suzanne, are you having sex with this guy?

13:02 Guest No.

13:03 Adam Really?

13:03 Guest I'm a virgin. Kind of.

13:05 Adam Well, why aren't you having sex with him?

13:08 Guest Because he wants to save till marriage.

13:10 Adam He does?

13:11 Guest Yeah.

13:13 Adam Okay. Don't tell him about the rapes.

13:15 Guest Okay.

13:16 Drew You got to tell somebody.

13:17 Adam Yeah. You got to get some therapy.

13:19 Guest Well, I already, like, we already went through a whole court case because my brother molested me. Like, we went through a whole court case and everything, and he's in jail.

13:27 Adam Your brother.

13:28 Drew Did you get some treatment after that?

13:30 Guest What?

13:30 Drew Did you get some treatment after that?

13:33 Guest Like a year. It doesn't work.

13:35 Drew Well, you got raped two more times after that, I suspect not, but maybe you weren't doing the work.

13:40 Guest Well, like, the therapist lady, I didn't really want to talk to her.

13:43 Drew Well, it's not going to work if you don't talk to her.

13:45 Adam Well, you got to do it.

13:46 Guest Yeah, also I'm in the foster, I'm like in the foster whenever I'm adopted now.

13:51 Adam All right. What do your adopted parents think of the guy who was drummed out of the Marines, who's 19 and doesn't have a car, who's dating you? By the way, you crashed your car on New Year's and we're in the middle of August and you don't have a new ride. Probably not a good sign.

14:09 Guest But he's a really nice guy and everything.

14:11 Adam All right. I don't trust him, Suzanne. He's 19.

14:14 Drew You're 15.

14:14 Adam You're 15.

14:17 Drew He's not a nice guy.

14:19 Adam Listen, how your foster parents are adopted parents?

14:24 Guest They're okay.

14:25 Adam Yeah?

14:25 Guest Yeah.

14:26 Drew All right. How many kids do they have?

14:28 Adam 400.

14:29 Guest Just me.

14:31 Adam They call her Little Miss 237. All right. Suzanne, don't have sex with anybody.

14:40 Guest Okay.

14:40 Adam All right. And don't take any rides from strangers. And don't walk through any vacant lots.

14:44 Drew And get some treatment again.

14:45 Guest Please.

14:46 Adam All right. All right. Man show's on, by the way. It's a big beach extravaganza tonight. Forgot about that. Yes. Comedy Central. Ten o'clock. Almost forgot to alert the kiddies. Jason?

14:59 I'm here.

14:59 Adam You're 25. What's up?

15:01 Caller Well, how should I put it? I get a lot of questions, but I'll narrow it down to this one. I've been overweight all my life, and I just started last year bodybuilding, and I've noticed my sex drive and my aggression is getting a little bit too high.

15:17 Drew Are you taking anything?

15:18 Caller No, I'm not.

15:19 Drew No supplements?

15:21 Caller The only thing I was taking was like a adrenaline supplement. I don't remember what it was called, but-

15:29 Drew That might make you irritable, right?

15:31 Caller Oh, yes. Okay. I thought doing that because I was having problems with the work, kind of talking and telling off the bosses.

15:40 Drew Wow.

15:40 Caller It's not so hot. But-

15:42 Adam Are you still working at Hot Dog on a Stick?

15:45 Caller No, actually, I'm a warehouse supervisor.

15:50 Adam Yeah. And so you're overweight your whole life?

15:53 Caller Yeah.

15:53 Adam And now you're in good shape now?

15:56 Caller I'm getting there. Since last year, I've lost quite a bit of weight and I've bulked up quite a bit.

16:02 Drew Fat produces estrogen, adipose produces estrogen, and that can decrease your sex drive. Muscle mass, exercise, all that tends to increase testosterone.

16:11 Adam Plus, the better you look naked, the more sex drive you have.

16:14 Drew So all those things move you in that direction. Okay. Plus, it sounds like you have some very significant aggression tied up somewhere.

16:22 Adam Well-

16:22 Drew That sometimes gets expressed sexually.

16:23 Adam A fat kid getting made fun of his whole life.

16:25 Drew Why was he fat?

16:26 Adam Why were you fat?

16:29 Caller It's all genetic.

16:32 Drew Nobody ever struck you, hit you?

16:33 Caller Oh, no. No, no. My family is way too tight-knit. We're really protective over each other.

16:40 All right.

16:41 Adam You didn't use food as a crutch like Drew?

16:44 Caller I'm sorry?

16:45 Adam Drew uses food as a crutch. And I don't mean that emotionally. I actually use a baguette as a walking stick. Yeah. Thank you.

16:55 Caller The other question is, I have a chemical imbalance. I was born with it. And I was wondering if maybe that might be the...

17:03 Drew What's the name of that? What is the name of that chemical imbalance?

17:05 Caller Well, actually, I had BD. I have... BD? Yeah.

17:12 Drew Bipolar disorder?

17:14 Caller Yeah.

17:14 Drew Yeah. Bipolar is a significant psychiatric condition. Whether or not you were genetically predisposed, how much of it was environmental, certainly remains to be seen. It doesn't matter. The issue is a biological one at this point. And absolutely that also can affect your sex drive as you become more manic. You really need to talk to a psychiatrist about that. He must be on medication for that.

17:36 Adam Don't touch that mic, would you? Christy?

17:39 Guest Yeah?

17:40 Adam You're 13.

17:41 Guest Yeah.

17:41 Adam What's up?

17:45 Guest Well, once I masturbated, just to see what it was like, and I don't think I did it right because it did nothing for me. It just didn't work for me.

17:59 Adam I see.

17:59 Drew At 13, that would be the usual experience.

18:03 Adam Yeah. I gave it a run at 13, too, with mixed results.

18:09 Drew Just keep figuring it out. It's all right.

18:11 Adam You'll be fine. You've got plenty of time. You're 13. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

18:18 Drew There's nothing wrong with you, all right?

18:20 Adam What grade are you in? Ninth grade?

18:23 Guest I'm going into eighth.

18:24 Adam Going into eighth? Yeah. Listen, Puddin, leave that crotch of yours alone for a few years, all right?

18:31 Guest Okay.

18:32 Adam Pretend it doesn't exist.

18:33 Guest Okay.

18:34 Adam It's just a hole that P comes out of.

18:37 Guest Okay.

18:38 Adam Write that down. It's good for nothing else. Do you understand me?

18:43 Guest Okay.

18:43 Adam All right. Go easy. None of your friends are doing this, are they?

18:51 They don't really talk about it, but I don't know.

18:53 Adam Well, there you go. They're probably not. Give it a few years. You'll be fine.

18:57 Okay.

18:58 Drew But I do think women ought to talk about it.

18:59 Adam Save that virginity.

19:01 Drew I'll figure it out. Really? Why? Because the male rendition of that doesn't work for women. The way a man would describe and or encourage or engage in masturbation is not in any way like what a woman experiences in those cases.

19:16 Adam Women need to go to that special place.

19:18 Drew Yes.

19:19 Adam And guys need to go to that special place called Earth.

19:24 Drew Yeah. Consciousness is the awake. Is there a special place?

19:29 Adam I love talking to my buddies about all the ones that have whacked off on the road. I'm talking while driving.

19:38 All of them behind the wheel.

19:41 Drew Any especially poignant stories?

19:43 Adam Well, I just remember one time, my friend John, you ever have somebody tell you something that they're very disgusted by and you do it too?

19:52 Drew And they're relieved?

19:53 Adam No, I never told them. No, they're going, she's going, I was driving home from work today. And I pulled. Yeah, she says this. John? His mother. His mother says, I'm driving home from work today. Would you listen up, you idiot? Even Anderson knows what's going on.

20:11 Drew Did he say his mother? I didn't hear it.

20:14 Adam Jesus. John's mom's driving home from work. So she says to me, this is 10 years ago. She says, there was someone in a car next to me. They were masturbating. I could not believe it. I was shocked. What kind of sick, twisted individual would do something like, and I'm thinking to myself, oh, Jesus Christ, I might have got one off on the way over. So I had to sit there and act outrage. This is an outrage. I hope, did you get a license?

20:47 Drew Did you bring John into the mix?

20:50 Adam Jesus Christ. John was probably in his room, squeezing one off during the story. I was like, I had to act outrage. Oh, you poor dear, did you get a license plate? Drew, what's wrong with you? You are just a Class A spaz. You punched a mic.

21:07 Drew Yeah.

21:07 Adam It's not even enough that you brush up against it. What happened? Are you hot? What's going on?

21:12 Drew I'm sick. I have clammy and ugh.

21:14 Adam So what's this doing for you? You waving your hand.

21:17 Drew Sweating.

21:17 Adam I'm sweating. See, I'm so Pavlovian. I see a guy waving something around. I think someone farted. I see people. I see a woman like sitting in a bus stop fanting. I was like, oh, she must have just broken wind. That's all that's good for now. Crystal?

21:32 Guest Yeah?

21:32 Adam You're 13.

21:34 Guest Can you hold on a second?

21:35 Adam No.

21:36 Caller Oh, boy.

21:37 Adam All right. Listen, we're going to take ourselves a little break.

21:40 Caller Wow.

21:41 Adam Crystal's question is, his boyfriend kept losing erection during sex. Oh, she's 13. 13. Crystal? What grade are you going into? Eighth. Going into eighth. All right. Hold on. Going into eighth, everybody. All right. We're going to take a little break. Drew's going to get some cold air on his. He's going to take some, put some cold water on his wrist and cool himself down. And then we're going to be back to digging a crystal after this.

22:11 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. We'll be right back.

22:44 Adam Yeah, that is a good riff there. Who is that? Offspring. It's offspring? Yeah, figure.

22:54 Drew Makes sense.

22:54 Adam Yeah, they just have good riffs at band. All right.

22:58 Drew I wish you watched that show Big Brother that I'm on, so we can talk about it a little.

23:01 Adam Oh, you already got 17 million people watching. Just one episode. Yeah. When is that show on?

23:07 Drew Every night.

23:08 Adam Every night? Was it on Friday night?

23:10 Drew Yep. It's every night at 8, except Wednesday night.

23:14 Adam Yeah. Friday night, I watch Making The Band, that show about the guy's trying to start a band, an all-boy band. I love that stuff. Friday night, sit home and watch TV.

23:24 Drew Well, just watch this, so we can talk about it, because I want to talk about these people in the house. If you haven't seen them, you can't.

23:29 Adam Well, you know me, I don't need to be familiar with something to have a very strong opinion on.

23:33 Drew I understand that, but you've watched one episode, and you and I will be able to talk about this in great detail.

23:37 Adam Well, I'm doing politically incorrect tomorrow night, so I won't watch it.

23:44 Drew You'll be out there by six.

23:45 Adam No, you know what? They're doing some late feed show or whatever. It starts at 8.30. So I'm hustling tomorrow night. Crystal?

23:54 Guest Yeah.

23:54 Adam So you're 13?

23:55 Guest Yeah.

23:56 Adam How old's your boyfriend?

23:57 Huh? 15.

23:59 Adam 15. You guys are having sex?

24:01 Guest Um, yeah.

24:03 Adam That's nice. How long have you been having sex? A few years now?

24:06 Guest No. No. Just recently.

24:09 Adam Just recently?

24:10 Guest Yeah.

24:10 Adam How long has he been your boyfriend?

24:12 Guest About a half a year.

24:13 Drew Is that something you want to do?

24:15 Guest Um, yeah.

24:17 Adam Okay. That's a resounding endorsement. Uh, yeah.

24:23 Drew I would imagine most 13-year-old women would not be choosing to do that.

24:27 Adam Yeah, don't. Leave her alone.

24:28 Guest I hang out with people my own age. I hang out with, like, people that are older than me.

24:32 Adam Right. Very good. So what happened to his penis last time he tried to have sex?

24:38 Guest Um, he kept stop getting erected.

24:40 Adam He kept stop getting erected?

24:42 Guest Yeah.

24:43 Adam I remember when I had erected problems.

24:45 Drew Stopped erected problems.

24:47 Adam Yes. I used to call them cease erected problems, but I choose the $10 words. So he stopped getting erected, huh?

24:55 Guest Yeah. And I just wanted to know if like, was anything like, was I doing anything wrong or anything?

25:01 Drew No. I would say essentially never has anything to do with the woman.

25:05 Adam Well, when did he start stop getting erected?

25:07 Guest Well, a couple of times it wouldn't go in, and I guess he got frustrated or something.

25:13 Drew Because it wouldn't go in because you had pain?

25:15 Guest Yeah.

25:16 Adam Did this happen? Has it ever worked out?

25:21 Guest Yeah.

25:21 Adam It has?

25:22 Guest Yeah.

25:23 Adam But there's just recently he stopped getting erected?

25:27 Guest Yeah.

25:29 Drew Started, stopped.

25:30 Adam He started to stop getting erected? Yeah. How many times would you say you successfully had sex before he started to stop getting erected?

25:38 Guest Once.

25:39 Drew Once.

25:39 Adam So you're on a roll.

25:40 Drew Was that painful?

25:41 Guest Yes.

25:43 Drew That is your body telling you you may not be ready?

25:46 Guest Okay.

25:48 Drew Do you understand that?

25:49 Guest Yeah.

25:49 Drew Have you seen a doctor?

25:51 Guest No.

25:52 Drew Okay. If you're going to be sexually active, you must get pelvic exams. You must get contraception, right?

25:57 Guest Uh-huh.

25:58 Adam What are you guys using for birth control?

26:00 Guest He's using a condom and this week I'm supposed to go and see a doctor with my friend.

26:05 Drew Great. Okay.

26:06 Adam Good times.

26:07 Drew But I don't think they're going to find a reason for the pain. I think the pain is the spasm of the muscles down there from being nervous and not being relaxed and comfortable with this whole act you're involved with. And he of course, yeah, he's reacting to that because you're uncomfortable. It's not a very arousing situation. That's actually a good thing that he reacts that way.

26:26 Adam When you're 15, when you're a 15-year-old guy, you can only foul so many off at the plate before you go down swinging. You know what I'm saying?

26:36 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

26:37 Adam You don't have experience and time on your hands.

26:41 Drew Right.

26:42 Adam Know what I'm saying?

26:42 Drew Yeah. No training.

26:44 Adam Small window. Small window there. And if that window closes on your penis, it ain't going to work.

26:48 Drew Are these new chairs?

26:50 Adam Those chairs have been here for some months now, maybe some years. You haven't seen those?

26:55 Drew They just look different.

26:56 Adam Didn't notice that?

26:57 Drew I didn't notice those chairs. Maybe people always didn't notice.

26:59 Adam It's good radio, Drew, where you just point off.

27:00 Drew I was going to say, finally in the Westwood one got something new in here. These swear to look different than the usual ones.

27:04 Adam Hey, Drew. What do you got? ADD? You're going to pick a goddamn call? What's going on with you over there? You're stalling? No kidding. Kevin?

27:13 Yeah.

27:13 Adam You're 16.

27:14 Caller Yeah.

27:15 Adam What's up?

27:18 Caller When I was about five or six years old, there was this girl that I've known. We started, I guess you call play a doctor almost. We actually gave each other oral. We touched each other, we played with each other.

27:31 Adam Drew is a doctor. Do you ever perform oral on your patients?

27:34 Drew It's part of the doctor.

27:35 Adam It is part of it? I see.

27:38 Caller I'm very nervous and I'm very serious. It's now to the point to now I'm 16. After doing that for so like that went on for maybe a year. We got caught. We didn't know we were doing anything wrong.

27:51 Adam Yeah, but you didn't know you're doing anything wrong, but you still did it in the closet, right?

27:55 Caller It was. We did sometimes go in the closet, we did it in the room, we locked the door.

27:59 Adam You may had a feeling you're doing something wrong. You locked the door and did it in the closet.

28:03 Caller Well, it was more of a thing where we didn't want anybody else to know about it.

28:07 Adam Oh, I see. Bet you didn't know you're doing anything wrong.

28:11 Caller It was a big difference. I get erotic by little kids. In my fantasies, I don't necessarily want to rape. I like to have, you know what I'm saying?

28:23 Adam Yeah, I know what you're saying.

28:25 Caller I want to know if that's because of what happened a long time ago, and what can I do?

28:29 Drew You need to talk to someone about it. You got to get some therapy on this, because it is a stuck spot for you. It sort of gets biologically ingrained into your sexual orientation, that that is what sexuality is, and it sort of turns on a mechanism that needs to be sort of worked through in some way, or you will do something awful to somebody.

28:47 Adam And can you ever work it through, or can you just work with it?

28:50 Drew Well, I mean, it's kind of like-

28:51 Adam Your sexuality.

28:52 Drew I was just thinking about it. Think where your sort of orientations come from, but think about it.

28:57 Adam Let me say two things to that, first off.

28:59 Drew How dare you?

29:00 Adam Number one, how dare you? And secondly, how dare you? But it's true. Listen, I love big boobs, and I don't know who could talk me out of that. But remember- Don't dig up Freud.

29:17 Drew You said something about, remember, your first experience was in Playboy Woman. You sort of saw that image, and that got etched into your head as that sort of your sexual experience. You know what I'm saying?

29:28 Adam It still is.

29:28 Drew That's the point.

29:29 Adam Thank you.

29:30 Drew He had his sexual experience prematurely and his whole sexual experience.

29:34 Adam Let me explain Drew's first sexual experience. Man, and now that is etched into his head or his behind. Listen, everybody, here's the part. Here's what I think from doing this show. We talked to these people, these pedophiles that go to prison, these guys who involve themselves in all sorts of illegal, devious acts. And I always say, what's 10 years in prison going to do? I mean, let's say you're not into boys, little boys. Let's say you're into chicks with big cans. You send me away to prison, what's the first thing I want to do in 10 years when I get out? That's what I'm into. And whether it's right or whether it's wrong, I don't think that really makes a difference. I could make an argument for being wrong, you being more committed to that because it's a harder life. You know what I'm saying? So I mean, is that going to change? I know it's easy to change because it seems wrong to us. But if it's right for you, I mean, whether you're into Latin chicks or black chicks or big boob chicks or short chicks or tall chicks or blondes or blue eyes or whatever women are into, hey, that's what you're into. You're going to have a hell of a time talking someone out of that. Now, can you not act on it? I think you can not act on it. But I think you got to work at that.

30:58 Drew And notice it's mostly men, isn't it?

31:01 Adam Yeah.

31:01 Drew In other words, it's men that get that sort of stuff etched into their head. Women become perfect victims from that on.

31:07 Adam No, but women get stuff etched in emotionally. They go after emotional type, controlling type or manipulative type or rough type, aggressive type or even there's good types too, but they go after those types. And it doesn't turn into a physical thing, tall guys, short guys. I mean, they have their preferences. But women don't get into 10-year-old women.

31:30 Drew They get into power.

31:31 Adam Or 10-year-old girls.

31:32 Drew Power.

31:33 Adam Whatever they get into, it's an emotional thing. Guys get into a physical type.

31:36 Drew Yeah, yeah.

31:37 Adam And it's hard to talk guys out of that physical type, whether it be big boobs or eight-year-old boys, which are both my thing now, by the way. If I could just get those boobs on that eight-year-old boy. Don't even kid, Drew.

31:51 You know one?

31:52 Adam Don't kid. All right. So Kevin sounds serious about his prom, and he's 16, and he's not acting on it, and he needs to talk to someone about it now, and nip this in the bud before he nips someone in the butt. Devin? Yes. You're 22.

32:10 Caller Yes, I am.

32:11 Adam Thank you. What's up?

32:14 Caller I have a new girlfriend, and she gets chased after only 15 minutes of sex, and I'm kind of a distance guy, and I don't know what I can do.

32:24 Drew I think that would be sort of average. 15, 20 minutes. Most women sort of, eh, that's about it.

32:30 Adam You should be able to hang a little. How old is she?

32:33 Caller She's 23.

32:35 Adam Yeah. And are you a vigorous guy, you know, sexually?

32:40 Caller Kind of, yes.

32:41 Adam And move at a pretty good pace?

32:43 Caller Yes.

32:43 Adam How's the lubrication doing?

32:45 Caller Uh, it's doing okay, but I wanted to know if it's because the inside of her vagina is bumpy. I don't know what that means.

32:54 Drew It doesn't mean anything?

32:55 Caller It doesn't mean, I didn't know if like, because I know some women are smooth and some are...

32:59 Drew No.

32:59 Caller It means nothing.

33:00 Drew It means nothing.

33:01 Adam Some are smooth and some are... Those are probably just the teeth of an unborn child from a previous relationship. I wouldn't worry about it. Some women are smooth and some are bumpy?

33:14 Drew You mean sort of that ribbed?

33:16 Caller No, like on the inside, like some are like, have a bumpy feel about them.

33:20 Drew Yeah, but you mean towards the... Give me my picture.

33:23 Adam Drew, you ever been with any bumpy broads?

33:24 Drew Give me the picture.

33:25 Adam Oh, no. Not the vagina book. All right. Hold on. Let me get this thing over here.

33:33 Caller Yeah.

33:34 Adam And do you know what he's talking about with the smooth and the bumpy vagina?

33:39 Drew I think he's talking. I'll show you something. Inside?

33:41 Adam Yeah, inside.

33:42 Drew See this surface over here? That can be a little more prominent.

33:45 Adam What surface?

33:46 Drew See how ribbed appearing that is? That can be more apparent.

33:49 Adam Where's the hole up here?

33:51 Adam, where's the hole?

33:52 Drew This can be more prominent in some people.

33:55 Adam Yeah. So it's like ribbed. Yeah, ridged. Ridged. Yeah. So it's like you put your penis in there, it comes out smooth, it's like a rock tumbler.

34:05 Caller A pencil sharpener.

34:07 Adam I think I may have ran into too many of them too early in my career and that's what happened. So what is it? She's bumpy in there, yeah.

34:16 Caller Yeah. I don't know, is that maybe why she gets chafed really quickly?

34:20 Drew No. Maybe she's not as turned on as you think she is.

34:25 Adam The fact that you're feeling the bumps means there may not be enough lubrication to it.

34:29 Well, I do it with my hands.

34:31 Adam Oh, I see.

34:32 Drew And then use more lubricant and then-

34:33 Adam Your penis isn't in there at the same time, is it?

34:36 Drew And then realize that 15 minutes may be her sort of thing. That may be it. That's a respectable period of time.

34:42 Adam Yeah, 15 is pretty solid. Listen, if you marry her, you'll be thanking the heavens for that 15 minutes and trying to whittle it down to 10. Believe you and me.

34:51 Caller Really?

34:51 Adam Yeah.

34:52 Caller So I shouldn't worry about it and just maybe more lubrication will-

34:55 Adam Yeah.

34:56 Drew Yeah. And then pay attention to what's going on with her because the drying up thing is-

35:00 Caller Well, that's just it. She's not dry.

35:02 Adam All right. But listen, Casanova, why don't you break it up a little? You know, go in for 10 minutes or something and get out and do a little oral for a little while. You know, and then back in again. Reset the clock.

35:14 Okay.

35:14 Adam Nice.

35:15 That's my move.

35:17 Adam That's my hypothetical move.

35:20 Drew Your fantasy move.

35:21 Adam That's my fantasy move of the week. I get in there, I get down for a little while, then I pull out a little oral and then back in and a little more oral. And wait a minute, pull out. No. Yeah. Then back in again, then more oral, then back in, then oral, then back in. Then the phone rings.

35:38 I put on pause.

35:40 Adam It's my mom. All right. I've never been with a woman. Let's see. We got to go to break. When we come back, we're going to speak to Brandon. Brandon is 18. The smoking cigarettes increase bowel movements. That's good. Hey, Brandon?

35:53 Yeah.

35:53 Adam Hold on a second.

35:54 Caller All right.

35:55 All right.

35:55 Adam It's a good question. We'll get into that and many other topics after this.

36:01 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

36:39 Caller Hey.

36:42 Adam Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Veruca Salt will be in here tomorrow night.

36:50 Drew See Ann trying to give you the finger there?

36:53 Adam Oh, yeah.

36:54 Drew She's giving you the point.

36:55 Adam Did Ann give me the point when Anderson gave me the point?

36:57 Drew Yeah, but strangely, she got that gusto there.

37:01 Adam Yeah, I didn't see it.

37:02 He's feeling a little under the weather, so I jumped in.

37:04 Adam Oh, okay. Well, stand behind him giving the point. I'll get it. Ann, you're also wearing like a sweatshirt that blends you in perfectly with the room. It's if there was camouflage, if there was camouflage made for production studios, that would be it. Stand up, Ann.

37:21 Drew It's sort of a greenish gray.

37:22 Adam Yeah. She goes right in with the wall and then there's big notebooks behind her to her left. All right. We're going to work it out on the next break because I do love that big engineer finger. Brandon? Yeah. You're 18.

37:34 Caller Yeah. How are you guys doing tonight?

37:35 Adam Good. How are you doing?

37:36 Caller I'm doing all right.

37:38 Caller My question was, I actually have several, is first of all, does smoking increase or make bowel movements harder or harsher?

37:50 Adam There's a good question. I think it gets you going.

37:52 Drew You can stimulate. Yeah. It's a stimulant.

37:53 Adam It's like a cup of coffee, right?

37:55 Drew Right.

37:55 Caller Yeah.

37:56 Drew Right.

37:56 Caller All right. And my second question was really quick. I'm on like five different medications.

38:03 Adam What are you on? I got a faster way. What aren't you on? And then we'll just do the math.

38:10 Caller I'm not on a lot, but what I am on?

38:13 Drew Yeah.

38:13 Caller Adderall, Wellbutrin, Serizone, Effexor, and Respiradol.

38:20 Drew That's an unusual combination of antidepressants.

38:23 Caller Yeah.

38:24 Caller And I was wondering, mixing antidepressants, could that make someone more depressed?

38:32 Drew Not really.

38:33 Adam Wow.

38:34 Drew You mean mixing the Serizone, the Effexor, and the Wellbutrin?

38:36 Caller Yeah.

38:37 Adam How did you get on that many? That's a lot.

38:40 Caller That's what my psychiatrist chose to vote me on.

38:42 Drew That's very aggressive. No, I would think more in terms of just not feeling well on them.

38:47 Adam Who's your psychiatrist? Evil CanEvil?

38:49 Drew And talk to the psychiatrist about what other options there might be if you're not feeling well.

38:53 Caller All right. Because we've been working on it for like the past two years.

38:56 Drew I can see. It was a very aggressive combination.

38:59 Adam How are you doing there, Brandon?

39:01 I'm fair.

39:02 Caller But I have like moments where I'm like really suicidal.

39:06 Adam And yeah. But how's everything else gone?

39:10 Caller It's going all right.

39:10 Adam Can you work?

39:11 Caller I was never molested or abused or anything.

39:14 Adam That's nice. Well, there's still time. You know, you're only 18.

39:17 Yeah.

39:17 Adam You give it a few months.

39:18 Yeah.

39:18 Adam What what do you do? Can you work? Do you go to school?

39:21 Caller Well, I just finished that high school. I'm about to go to college.

39:25 Adam Right. What college are you going to?

39:28 Caller Abilene Christian University in Texas.

39:31 Adam Well, a four-year school. Yeah. Son of a bitch. He's on five meds. He's going to a four-year university. I couldn't even get into junior college. I was on nothing. Although, had those medications existed back then. Right.

39:43 Drew There you go. You should have been on something.

39:46 Caller Well, I just wanted to let you guys know that you guys are both my idols.

39:49 Adam Thank you.

39:50 Caller Yep.

39:50 Caller And I hope you guys have a great night.

39:53 Drew Thanks, Brandon.

39:53 Caller All right.

39:54 Adam Take care. Abilene Christian, you know, ACU or something.

39:58 Drew Yep.

39:59 Adam Yeah. All right. All right. Go Fighting Winos. What's the name of the team over there? I have no idea.

40:07 Drew You'll find out.

40:07 Adam A good name for a football team, Fighting Winos.

40:10 Drew Yeah. Sure.

40:13 Adam You know what's funny? You know the Rainbow Warriors over at University of Hawaii?

40:19 Drew Yes.

40:20 Adam You know the name of the teams, the Rainbow Warriors? They're changing the name because the gays have adopted the rainbow. And they don't want to think they're a bunch of homos over there?

40:32 Drew Is it they don't want them to think they're a bunch of gay folk, or that the gay folk are objecting to them using that logo?

40:37 No.

40:39 Adam I know you would like to believe the gays were feathers were ruffled, because it's easy for the gays to feathers to get ruffled. And I probably researched it. It might go that way. But no, I think these people voluntarily pulled out.

40:55 Drew And the thing going on now is to attack sports teams with offensive or ethnically.

41:00 Adam Oh, yeah.

41:00 Drew Sure.

41:02 Adam Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

41:04 Drew Ethnically, what, improprietous sort of images.

41:06 Adam Oh, let's see.

41:07 Drew Cleveland Indians.

41:08 Adam Yep. Yep. You know, I will file that under who cares and who cares. Dahlia.

41:14 Yeah.

41:14 Adam You're 16.

41:15 Caller Yeah.

41:16 Adam What's up?

41:18 Caller Okay, Adam, I just want to say that you're really funny. And, okay, my problem.

41:23 Adam Thanks, baby.

41:24 Caller Sure. My problem is that I just like keep on lying to people.

41:30 Drew How come?

41:31 Adam How come?

41:31 Caller My friends.

41:32 Drew Why?

41:33 Caller Why?

41:35 Adam You've confused her now, Drew.

41:37 Caller Wait, what?

41:38 Adam Why?

41:39 Caller Why? Because it makes me feel better.

41:41 Adam Right.

41:42 Drew Better than what?

41:43 Adam Huh?

41:44 Drew Better about what?

41:44 Adam Not true. This is going to go on all night.

41:46 Drew I got a couple of questions. Better about what?

41:48 Caller About myself.

41:49 Drew And what's wrong with yourself? How you feel about yourself?

41:53 Caller I don't know.

41:54 Drew Why do you feel bad about yourself?

41:57 Caller Well, I don't feel bad about myself. I just feel better.

42:00 Adam Well, what kind of lies do you tell them?

42:03 Caller Like what I did over the weekend and like.

42:07 Adam Yeah, like found the cure to AIDS, stuff like that.

42:11 Caller No, like I got arrested.

42:12 Drew If you felt good about yourself.

42:14 Adam You said you got arrested?

42:15 Adam You lied about getting arrested?

42:19 Adam Why would you want to tell them you got arrested though? Just to get attention? I see. What did you tell them you got arrested for? Um, vehicular manslaughter?

42:31 Caller Uh, no, for having drugs.

42:34 Adam I see. That's cool.

42:36 Drew If you actually felt well about yourself, felt good about yourself, what would there be a need to feel better? There's no better than.

42:45 Adam Oh, well, listen, who cares? Knock it off, would you?

42:48 Caller See, I've tried, but I can't.

42:50 Adam Well, all right. Well, then keep going.

42:52 Drew This is usually people are very ashamed of themselves.

42:54 Adam Really? Are you very ashamed of yourself?

42:56 Drew I actually am.

42:57 Adam Yeah, but it's weird. It's very ashamed of yourself since you got arrested over the weekend. I know what you're saying.

43:01 Drew Yeah, it's a way of sort of standing out against the man and identifying with certain social group and empowering them.

43:10 Adam Did you lie when you were a kid?

43:12 Drew No.

43:13 Adam And what about?

43:14 Drew Almost never.

43:16 Adam What about like as a teenager?

43:18 Drew Well, I really, I just couldn't do it.

43:20 Adam As a young man, though.

43:22 Drew I started about 25.

43:23 Adam Very passionate, very passionate young man. And, you know, Drew makes no bones about his past. Bone being the operative word there. Dating a few different gals and stuff. You must have to do some lying in those situations. Oh, yeah. Was that or? Was that or? You'd get your ass kicked, right? You got to lie to your wife, don't you? No, I don't lie to her. Oh, well, she's okay. That's good. That's a lie there. Very smart. Very touche.

43:50 Drew No, I don't lie to her. I'm trying to think if I lied to her in my early 20s.

43:54 Adam Yeah. Here's the point. You didn't lie. I couldn't lie as a kid or as a teenager or young adult. Could not lie.

44:01 Drew It drove me crazy if I ever lied.

44:04 Adam Why? Because you felt bad? I just couldn't do it.

44:06 Drew I couldn't sustain it. I just I always I just I didn't have enough confidence.

44:10 Adam Now I can lie my ass off. Oh, I can lie like a mother effer. Oh, the lies I tell. I'll tell you it's great. But never could do it. Never could do it in the past. Yeah, we can talk about that during the commercial because I really couldn't lie. Like 1516 just could not do it. Yeah, I was saying another reason to hate my parents.

44:31 Drew I was I always felt sort of transparent to like if I tried somebody would immediately would see.

44:34 Adam Yeah, yeah, I think this is low self-esteem. Yeah, you don't feel good enough to lie. Yeah, now I feel good about myself so I can lie all day. All right, what do I tell her to do? Ah, quit lying, that's right. Robert?

44:49 Oh, hey.

44:49 Adam You're 15.

44:50 Caller Hey.

44:50 Adam What's up?

44:51 Caller Yeah, I was at Warped Tour on Tuesday and some guy came up to me and gave me a little yellow pill and it had a V on it and I was just wondering what it was.

45:00 Drew Like not like the letter but like an open hole in the middle that was in the shape of a V?

45:04 Caller No, it was just like the letter V. It was sort of like a dent, sort of like indented on it.

45:08 Drew No, I suppose it could be valium but valium usually is a hole in the middle of it.

45:11 Adam You mean it goes all the way through?

45:13 Drew Yeah.

45:14 Adam Really?

45:14 Caller That's kind of weird.

45:15 Adam You mean you could see through to the other side with the V? Well, that's precious drug they've stamped out of there. What are they doing with those Vs? Can I get some of those Vs? Give me a sack of valium Vs, like the donut holes they would sell.

45:28 Drew Right.

45:29 Adam Give me those.

45:29 Drew Valium holes.

45:30 Adam Yeah, valium holes. Really? I took a valium once.

45:35 Drew Glazed or chocolate?

45:37 Adam Sprinkles.

45:37 Drew Sprinkles.

45:38 Adam It surprised me. Listen, I took a valium once. It didn't have that V thing popped out in the middle.

45:42 Drew It would be generic.

45:43 Adam This is from Mexico.

45:44 Drew Generic.

45:44 So, who knows?

45:46 Adam All right. The guy found it under a car seat or something. What the hell?

45:49 Drew What did it do to you?

45:52 Caller I didn't take it. I just dropped it. I didn't know what it was.

45:54 Oh, yeah.

45:55 Adam Hey.

45:56 I'm number one.

45:58 Drew Very smart.

45:58 Adam All right.

46:00 Drew Way to go, Robert.

46:00 You know what it was?

46:02 Drew No, they could be lots of different things. Lots of different things.

46:05 Adam Come on. You're 15. It's time to start taking drugs. All right. All right. Hey, next. Hey, Robert. Unacceptable. Next time you get something looks a little iffy. You send it to me.

46:14 Caller All right.

46:15 Adam I'll have Drew take a look at it. He gives me the thumbs up. I'll take it. All right.

46:18 Caller All right.

46:19 Adam All right, buddy. All right. You did the right thing.

46:21 All right.

46:21 Adam We're very proud of you.

46:22 Thanks.

46:23 Adam We'll see you in hell.

46:23 All right.

46:25 Adam All right. Let's talk to Andy. Andy?

46:29 Hey.

46:29 Adam You're 14.

46:30 Caller Yeah.

46:31 Adam What's up?

46:31 Caller Remember me from the other night?

46:33 Yeah.

46:34 Adam I don't know. Oh, yeah. You. What do you want?

46:41 Caller I just want to know. I got these weird warts on my dick from having sex with my girlfriend.

46:46 Adam Okay.

46:48 Caller I'm the big boy.

46:51 Adam All right. Why don't we cut our losses, take a little break here, Drew. What do you say? When we come back? We're going to talk to David, who can't orgasm during sex because of the way he masturbates. Just real fast. How do you masturbate, David?

47:07 I use my four fingers.

47:10 Adam You use your four fingers?

47:12 My four fingers on the underside of my penis.

47:16 Drew Four fingers?

47:17 Adam You use all four of your fingers. No, no.

47:19 My four fingers, my middle and my pointer.

47:23 Adam All right, hold on a second.

47:24 Drew Why would he call those four fingers?

47:26 Adam Your middle and your pointer.

47:28 Drew It's index and the third finger.

47:30 Adam You have a four finger, but you don't have two four fingers, do you?

47:33 Drew You have an index and a third finger.

47:36 Adam Where's your four finger?

47:38 Drew Fourth.

47:39 Adam All right. All right, listen. We'll get back to Hillbilly David and his masturbatory techniques after this.

47:47 Drew He's an idiot.

47:50 Caller We'll be right back. Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191.

48:39 Loveline, we're coming at ya.

48:42 Adam Coast to coast, yeah. We're everywhere. Yeah, that's Dr. Drew. I mean, we're all, maybe we'll do a little lightning round tonight, huh?

48:52 Oh, man.

48:52 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah, feeling good.

48:55 No, God, no!

48:58 Adam David?

48:59 Yes.

49:00 Adam You're 18?

49:00 Caller I'm 18, yes.

49:01 Adam All right, now, you kept saying four.

49:04 Caller Four fingers, what I mean is...

49:05 Adam Fingers.

49:06 Caller Yeah.

49:07 Adam But you only have one four finger.

49:09 Caller I was rock.

49:09 Drew You have no four fingers.

49:10 Caller I was rock.

49:11 Adam Don't you have a thumb and four finger?

49:13 Drew It's an index finger.

49:14 Caller Yeah.

49:15 Adam But... All right, well, you could call it a four finger, right?

49:18 Caller I'm sure you could, but the fingers I'm talking about are my middle and my pointer.

49:24 Drew Your index and your third fingers.

49:26 Caller Yeah.

49:26 Drew Second and third fingers. That's fine.

49:28 Caller Yeah, and I've been mastering just going up and down.

49:32 Adam These two?

49:33 Caller Do you know what...

49:33 Adam Yeah. On the back?

49:35 Caller Yeah, backside, yeah.

49:36 Adam Yeah. Do you incorporate the thumb?

49:38 Caller No.

49:40 Drew Right.

49:40 Caller What's the problem?

49:41 Adam Whatever. Yeah?

49:43 Caller I use my stomach as leverage.

49:45 Adam As leverage? You push it up against your belly?

49:47 Caller Yeah.

49:48 Adam Nice.

49:48 Caller Yeah.

49:49 Adam Okay.

49:50 Drew I don't know if... This is Corolla automobile technique, isn't it?

49:52 Adam Yeah. It's what I use on the road. Thank you.

49:54 Yeah.

49:55 Caller I don't know if that's standard or what, but it's not the typical jerking motion.

50:01 Drew What is your question?

50:02 Caller What I'm saying is, me and my girlfriend started... Well, she started doing like oral sex a couple of months ago. Okay. And because I'm not used to that kind of jerking motion, I couldn't really... And I still can't get off on that motion, and it's really bothering me.

50:21 Adam Yeah.

50:22 Drew Not with oral sex.

50:23 Caller Yeah. That's not so...

50:24 Adam What about the intercourse?

50:26 Caller Just recently we started having an intercourse, and I'm having trouble with that too. Yeah. Yeah.

50:33 Adam I see. Because it's been so many years of this very specific sensation and technique, your penis is bewildered by sex.

50:43 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

50:43 Adam As my friend Snake would say, sex is good. It's not the real thing, but it's good.

50:49 Caller More or less, yeah.

50:50 Adam Right. And your penis is confused. All right. One good thing about the penis, it's very versatile. It can make a nice smooth transition. All you have to do is stop whacking yourself with that old technique, and get a little busier with your girlfriend, and eventually she will take over.

51:11 Caller What do you mean exactly?

51:14 Drew Try again.

51:14 Adam Let's see. Stop whacking yourself so much.

51:18 Caller Okay.

51:18 Adam With that technique or any technique, why don't you just back off a little bit? What are you good for a day?

51:25 Caller Oh, one or two at most.

51:28 Caller Sick days is like five.

51:30 Adam Yes, I know. And you're sick three days a week?

51:33 Caller No.

51:33 Adam You got mono?

51:34 Caller I refrain.

51:35 Adam All right, listen. Why don't you get yourself, why don't you give yourself four times a week?

51:39 Caller Okay.

51:40 Adam All right. You do what that Richard Simmons does with that Dela meal. You know, it's like a little little notebook thing. You flip open and you flip down a protein. So you get up in the morning and you have like a glass of milk and some cereal. So you flip down a protein and you flip down a carb.

51:57 Drew Where did you hear about this?

51:59 Adam I sat around late night and I see this guy and I'm enthralled. There's a little picture of a chicken leg. You flip that down. Now you have a dessert for dinner. So you flip down a dessert, a treat card or whatever. I like to start one of those with masturbation. You get like five or six a week. You flip the thing down. Maybe you want to save them for the weekend. You know what I mean? Maybe you're like me. You want to whack off six times on money and just buy a new deal of meal card. Start over again.

52:30 Drew On Tuesday.

52:33 Adam Yeah. Let me tell you something. Drew, I know you don't fully appreciate this, but this is a problem. Guys, you guys out there with your bizarre masturbatory techniques, that ain't going to fly in the bedroom and your penis is going to be used to a sensation that is totally different than sex and that's going to cause problems.

52:53 Drew We need a little change up, right?

52:55 Adam Yeah.

52:55 Drew What are the techniques?

52:56 Adam Well, think about it. You start whacking off at 13, 14 years old, right? A lot of our listeners do. A lot of guys don't cut themselves a slice until they're 17, 18, sometimes even 19. I mean, they could be talking about four or five years of constant technique on their penis. Their penis has known no other technique, and you take eight, nine times a week, times four or five years, you're into the thousands of time. Now, your penis actually experiences a real life mouth instead of that cassava melon that was put in the microwave or a vagina or something, and it is perplexed.

53:37 Drew Yeah.

53:38 Adam Think about that. That's why everyone should adopt, we should adopt a standard masturbatory technique that simulates sex as much as possible.

53:46 Drew You didn't really do the candle up in the microwave, did you?

53:51 Adam Uh, no, no. Why? Did I bring that up? Who said that?

53:56 Drew I don't know.

53:56 Adam Did someone tell you? Oh, did I say that?

53:59 Drew How dare you?

53:59 Adam I don't know where I came up to. Here's my point. You go with lubrication, you go with the standard full fist and lubrication, you're home. You're home, baby. Right?

54:09 Drew Full fist and lube?

54:10 Adam Yeah. But if you're like one of our screwball-

54:13 Drew The new store you're going to create?

54:14 Adam Screwball?

54:15 Drew Fist and lube?

54:16 Adam Simply full fist and lube. Nothing but full fist and lube. The full fist and lube shoppy. And I spell it two P's and an E at the end, like an old English way.

54:25 Drew Yes, yes.

54:26 Adam Okay. You screwballs who are humping your dad's sheepskin car seat cover spread over the edge of your bed. You weirdos that are doing that hump the pillow thing and all this forefinger belly stroke stuff. This is going to bite you in the ass when you get with a woman, if and when you get with a woman, and it may not be for a while.

54:50 Drew Full fist and lube means like a candle shop or tobacco shop.

54:55 Adam Yeah, it does sound like it.

54:56 Drew Those hanging boards.

54:58 Adam Yeah, like carved out.

55:00 Drew Yeah, right, carved out.

55:01 Adam Yeah, with like an Indian with his hand on his penis carved out in front. Full fist and lube.

55:05 Drew A bull.

55:06 Adam Yeah, yeah, it's good.

55:07 Drew An animal, some sort of animal.

55:08 Adam Steve? Hey, what's up? You're 15, what's up?

55:12 Caller Yeah, what's it called?

55:13 Caller One time, like once in a while, like I'll jack off, right?

55:17 Caller And for like weeks, I'll get constant boners.

55:22 Caller And I'm wondering if that's normal.

55:25 Drew Yes.

55:26 Caller Yeah.

55:27 Adam Yeah.

55:28 Drew Enjoy.

55:28 Adam He masturbates and then he gets boners. Fantastic. He's 15. Ray?

55:34 Drew Yeah.

55:34 Adam You're 14.

55:35 Caller Uh-huh. Uh-huh. My friend, I think he's like doing his little step-sister. He's like seven.

55:44 Adam She's seven?

55:45 Caller Uh-huh.

55:45 Drew What makes you think this?

55:47 Caller Well, like I go over to her line, I'm always seeing her. I'm like grabbing her, like down there and all, like making her sit on his lap and all.

55:56 Drew Did you bring it up with him?

55:57 Caller No.

55:58 Adam Why don't you? Well, he's your friend, right?

56:01 Caller Yeah.

56:02 Adam Why don't you say, hey, weirdo, what's up?

56:06 Caller You didn't think about that.

56:08 Drew You told your parents?

56:09 Caller Uh-uh.

56:09 Adam How good a friend is he of yours?

56:12 Caller We just play role-playing games together.

56:15 Drew What kind of games?

56:16 Caller Role-playing.

56:17 Drew Role-playing.

56:18 Caller Dungeon and Dragons.

56:19 Yeah.

56:21 Adam Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Yeah. He's, you know, my molestation meter went from 20 percent up to 65 when I heard the D&D. How do you play the role-playing games?

56:35 Caller Rolling dice.

56:37 Adam You roll dice?

56:38 Caller We each have a character sheet and just act out our character. And one person is like god of the game.

56:45 Adam I see. And is he 14 too?

56:49 Caller He's 15.

56:50 Drew I think I'm going to tell your parents what you've been saying just to alert an adult what might be going on there, OK?

56:55 Caller OK.

56:56 Drew Has anything other been going on with him? Is he OK otherwise?

57:00 Caller Yeah, I guess. He don't really talk to any other girls other than his sister from what I see.

57:06 Adam Yeah, well, he's 15. He's into D&D. He's a little awkward.

57:11 Drew All right, let's just report it to an adult and call him on it.

57:15 Adam Are you close with your parents?

57:17 Caller Huh?

57:17 Adam Are you close with your parents?

57:19 Caller Yeah.

57:19 Adam All right. Have a little talk.

57:21 Drew Yeah.

57:22 Adam Tell them something's a little strange. See what they say.

57:24 Drew Talk to him too.

57:25 Adam Yeah. Oh, there's trouble over at the nerdman house. D&D. Holy Christ. What is it? What snaps in a young man's brain that gets him into that Star Trek and the D&D and all that nonsense. Let me tell you guys something. Listen to me. Just listen. Everything you do should be for Poon Tang. At 15. I mean, you should base your life on it. Whatever clothes you wear, whatever sports you play, whatever you say, what music you listen to, everything.

58:00 Drew For a male.

58:01 Adam For a male. And D&D, y'all, that ain't getting it with the ladies. Oh, man. Anderson.

58:09 Caller What happened to just do your own thing and the ladies will find you?

58:13 Adam Yeah. All right. As long as it's not Star Trek or D&D. And I know Anderson's probably did a little dabbling in D&D. Oh, we do role playing. I'm mommy.

58:28 Caller I'm gay.

58:31 Adam All right. Yeah. Do your own thing and let the girls find you. But just as long as it's not any of that science fiction crap. Those guys just never got announced. Justin?

58:41 Caller Yeah.

58:42 Caller Conversation can serve no purpose anymore.

58:45 Caller Oh, boy.

58:46 Adam Justin, you're 17. What's up?

58:49 Caller Yeah. I had sex when I was 15 with a 17-year-old.

58:53 Adam Yeah.

58:56 Caller I didn't really know her that good. It was my friend's cousin and I spent the night at his house. His cousin was over there and we just went in the back room and then had sex. But I didn't have any protection or nothing. Here I am two years later and I think I have, I don't know what I have. I have some rash.

59:15 Drew What does it look like and where is it?

59:17 Caller It's on the left side of my pelvic area.

59:22 Drew So it's not on your penis, it's like in the pubic area?

59:23 Caller Yeah. I know it's not herpes because it's been there for about six months and hasn't gone away.

59:30 Drew What does it look like?

59:31 Caller It's just kind of like rough and it's like about the size of a dime.

59:36 Adam It's been there for six months but you had sex two years ago.

59:39 Caller Yeah.

59:40 Drew It could be anything. It could be eczema, it could be fungus, it could be anything. It probably has nothing whatsoever to do with the sexual encounter.

59:45 Caller Okay and also I kind of got struck by lightning a couple of times like over six months ago.

59:52 Drew Seriously?

59:53 Caller Yeah.

59:54 Adam In the groin?

59:55 Caller No.

59:56 Drew Struck by lightning?

59:57 Adam That's why I won't get the C ring.

59:59 Drew What were you doing?

59:59 Adam You know what I mean?

1:00:00 Drew Yeah.

1:00:00 Adam That would be a lightning rod walking around a golf course getting right into Johnson.

1:00:04 Drew Yeah.

1:00:05 Adam Can you imagine?

1:00:06 Drew Prince Albert?

1:00:07 Adam Yeah, it would be God telling you to take that hoop out.

1:00:09 Caller I was fishing on the Salton Sea and I got struck twice on the same day.

1:00:14 Caller Oh, my God.

1:00:15 Caller But it wasn't like the actual bolt. It was like a strand off of it.

1:00:20 Adam Yeah.

1:00:21 Caller And like the tip of my fishing rod was all buzzing and stuff. It was kind of cool.

1:00:24 Adam Do you have superhuman powers?

1:00:26 Caller I guess.

1:00:27 Adam Isn't that what happens?

1:00:28 Drew Yeah. Or you're growing.

1:00:30 Adam Oh, yeah. You grow.

1:00:31 Drew Did it hurt?

1:00:33 Caller Actually, I couldn't feel anything.

1:00:36 Drew Because you were unconscious or?

1:00:37 Caller No. I was just kind of numb everywhere and it was raining.

1:00:41 Drew Wow. That's incredible.

1:00:44 Adam Hey, Justin?

1:00:45 Caller Yeah.

1:00:46 Adam Why don't you go to the doctor, find out what it is? It's not a venereal disease. I don't know if it's caused by this sort of...

1:00:52 Drew Lightning, yeah.

1:00:53 Adam Well, he wasn't exactly hit by lightning. Well, I mean, well, listen, he was more hit than anyone in this room.

1:01:00 Drew Right.

1:01:00 Adam But you didn't get two direct hits.

1:01:02 Drew Right.

1:01:02 Adam That'll eff you up. I like there's people out there that have been hit three times. And like the third one killed them.

1:01:09 Drew Wow.

1:01:09 Adam How do you explain that? You know what I mean?

1:01:12 Drew Well, he's in the middle of the Salton Sea with a rod.

1:01:14 Adam Well, that's his. But other guys are like, they've been hit, you know, separated by years. They have lightning here, do we?

1:01:23 Drew Not like that.

1:01:24 Adam No. Well, the Salton Sea is not too far from here, is it?

1:01:28 Drew Yeah, but you're in the middle of the water.

1:01:30 Adam Yeah, oh yeah.

1:01:30 Drew It's the tallest thing out there.

1:01:32 Adam Sally?

1:01:33 Guest Yeah?

1:01:33 Adam You're 15?

1:01:34 Guest Yeah.

1:01:35 Adam What's up with you?

1:01:36 Guest Well, my boyfriend, one of his balls is bigger than the other.

1:01:41 Adam Does it weigh more or is it just bigger?

1:01:42 Guest It's a lot more, actually.

1:01:44 Adam It weighs a lot more?

1:01:45 Guest Yeah.

1:01:46 Adam So one is like four ounces and that one may be seven or eight ounces?

1:01:50 Guest Yeah.

1:01:51 Drew Has he ever had a doctor look at it?

1:01:53 Guest No. He said it's been like that for about two years now. He thought it would just go away like the second week.

1:02:02 Adam Ever since he was hit by lightning?

1:02:03 Drew Have you felt it? Is there anything hard in there?

1:02:07 Guest Well, I don't think so. He said there's like no like lumps or pebbles or anything.

1:02:14 Drew Well, it wouldn't be such a pebble anymore.

1:02:15 Adam So would you say one is the size of, oh boy, you know what a kumquat is?

1:02:21 Guest No.

1:02:22 Drew An olive.

1:02:23 Adam Good one, Drew. One's the size of an olive and the other one's the size of?

1:02:27 Drew Nectarine?

1:02:28 Adam No. How dare you. A plum.

1:02:31 Guest Well, it's like one's the size of a baseball and one's the size of a ping pong ball.

1:02:35 Drew Okay. There you go.

1:02:37 Adam Well, wait a minute. The ping pong ball and one's pretty big too.

1:02:40 Guest Well, yeah. Yeah.

1:02:42 Adam Listen, you chicks, you have no spatial whatever. You cannot do that. That's why there's no good, that's why women aren't in building. They can't figure that kind of stuff out. That's why they can't park. You know that? That they have 100 feet to parallel park. It looks like four feet. Yeah. All right. So Sally's got to go to a doctor.

1:03:02 Drew Could be a cyst, like a spermatosil, or some sort of fluid-filled body. Could be a tumor, could be a hernia, could be a lot of different things. Yeah.

1:03:10 Guest He said that sometimes like when he's like working out or something, like a liquid comes down and makes it so heavy that it starts to hurt.

1:03:19 Drew Well, look, he doesn't know what's going on there. If it's a hernia, it can strangulate, it can be a mess, it can be a life-threatening problem. He needs to see a doctor. He's waited two years.

1:03:30 Adam He's got to go. Tell him Drew said he needs to go to a doctor.

1:03:33 Guest Okay.

1:03:34 Adam Are you having sex with him?

1:03:36 Guest Yeah.

1:03:36 Adam Yeah. How old is he?

1:03:38 Caller He's 14.

1:03:40 Adam That son of a bitch. You're 15?

1:03:43 Guest Yeah.

1:03:45 Adam Honey, you should be having sex with 17-year-olds.

1:03:49 Guest Yeah, but he's really sweet and treats me right.

1:03:52 Adam All right. He treats you right?

1:03:54 Guest Yeah.

1:03:54 Adam Not like your daddy?

1:03:57 Guest Yeah, kind of.

1:03:58 Adam All right. Is your dad good to you?

1:04:00 Guest Yeah.

1:04:00 Adam All right, babies. You using some protection?

1:04:03 Guest Yeah, birth control.

1:04:04 Drew You're on the pill.

1:04:09 Adam It's weird. I had a 15-year-old daughter, and she was like, yeah, I'm having sex with my boyfriend. I'd be like, and then it'd be like, if she said it's with a 19-year-old, I'd be like, no. But if she said it's with a 13-year-old, I'd be like, hey, what's up? I mean, he's 14. You're not supposed to nail 15-year-olds when you're 14. When you're a 14-year-old guy, you're like a squirrely. You're not supposed to get one year.

1:04:42 Drew That's huge. It's not particularly healthy for her. 15, really not neuro-cognitive developmentally set up for her.

1:04:49 Adam But when you're in ninth grade, you're not supposed to be banging 10th graders. Or when you're in eighth grade, you're not supposed to be banging ninth graders. You know what I'm saying? I hate those guys. I'll get them one day though. Yeah. Hey, listen, all you 14-year-old guys that are getting laid by older women, enjoy it while you can because the party is going to end soon, real soon, because I'm working on this one, baby. Stacey?

1:05:15 Yeah?

1:05:15 Adam You're 13? You having sex with a nine-year-old?

1:05:19 Caller No.

1:05:20 Adam Okay.

1:05:20 Drew What's up?

1:05:21 Caller Not with anybody.

1:05:23 Adam That's good. What's up?

1:05:25 Caller Well, I sort of have, like, I guess it's a problem. Like, I've never really been attracted to guys except for, like, characters on TV shows, like cartoon characters more specifically, like robots and aliens and stuff. And I don't know if I was like a freak or something.

1:05:40 Adam Yeah.

1:05:41 Drew Didn't we have this the other night, remember?

1:05:42 Adam Yeah.

1:05:42 Caller Yeah.

1:05:44 Adam We had someone who was into... He was into Hedgehog.

1:05:49 Drew Hedgehog, yeah.

1:05:50 Caller Sonic the Hedgehog.

1:05:52 Drew And she had a pretty gruesome past.

1:05:55 Adam Yeah.

1:05:55 Drew Is that you?

1:05:56 Caller Huh?

1:05:57 Adam Were you ever raped by Speed Racer?

1:05:59 Caller No.

1:06:00 Drew She had a pretty depraved history, a lot of abandonment, a lot of abuse.

1:06:04 Adam So who are you into? Like, give us an example.

1:06:06 Caller You know the show Beast Wars?

1:06:09 Drew Yeah, I'm just not with them.

1:06:10 Adam Beast Wars?

1:06:11 Caller Yeah, the dinosaur guy.

1:06:14 Drew Get with it, Adam.

1:06:15 Adam Do you watch Beast Wars?

1:06:16 Caller Yes.

1:06:17 Adam Drew masturbated to Thomas the Tank Engine once.

1:06:21 Drew It was actually Sir Topham Hatt.

1:06:22 Adam Sir Topham Hatt. Drew, how dare you. When is this cartoon on?

1:06:30 Caller I think it just got canceled, but it was on during the afternoon.

1:06:34 Adam Well, is this guy like a, you know, they draw him like Tarzan or something?

1:06:38 Caller No, he hates everybody and he's really hot.

1:06:42 Adam Yeah, but does he look like a man?

1:06:45 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

1:06:47 Adam I mean-

1:06:47 Caller He's blue.

1:06:48 Adam Oh, he's blue, but does he have like big muscles?

1:06:51 Caller Yeah.

1:06:51 Adam All right.

1:06:52 Caller He's like the evil good guy. He's gone over to the other side.

1:06:55 Adam I see. Yeah, Anderson knows. Cool. Yeah. He's big with his D&D buddies. So, all right. But Anderson, does he look like a guy?

1:07:06 Caller He's either a dinosaur or he's a robot.

1:07:09 Adam He's one of the- He goes back and forth.

1:07:11 Caller Transformers.

1:07:12 Adam But when he's a robot, does he look like a bodybuilder?

1:07:15 Caller No, actually, he's smaller than the other guys.

1:07:17 Caller No, he looks like a square except for his arm.

1:07:19 Drew All right. Where are we going with this?

1:07:20 Adam His huge arms. Those guys have big arms.

1:07:22 Drew Let's establish the history here.

1:07:24 Adam Snoopy's horny. Yeah. So what's up with you?

1:07:29 Caller Well, I just wondered if it was weird because most of the guys that are human, they're just like old jerks, I think. And I think it's more really that older guys, they're a little more mature.

1:07:41 Adam Yeah, guys who can transform into robots and half tracks.

1:07:44 Caller Oh, that's cool, too. But like.

1:07:48 Adam All right, baby. Hey, listen, let me tell you something. You're 13, that's fine. Better you're into robots than old dudes, you know?

1:07:58 Drew But she is kind of an old dudes.

1:08:00 Adam Well, okay, where's your dad?

1:08:02 Caller He lives in LA and he's a bartender and he's drunk.

1:08:05 Caller And I know.

1:08:06 Adam There you go. All right, what about just going lesbian and compromising?

1:08:12 Caller That's disgusting.

1:08:13 Adam All right, okay. Stepdad, where's your mom? Is she all right?

1:08:19 Caller Yeah, she's pretty normal.

1:08:21 Adam All right. Is your life just one big sort of fantasy? Do you have friends?

1:08:26 Caller Yeah, I don't really like any of them. I just hang around with them.

1:08:30 Drew You don't live in a fantasy world, really?

1:08:31 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

1:08:32 Adam I do. Find some friends. I don't know. I don't know what to say. You know, I'm going to be the voice of Buzz Lightyear's commander, Commander Nebula, coming out here in the Disney, Disney cartoon coming out. I think it's Saturdays, like, in September. I don't know if it's ABC or whatever the hell it is. So you guys will be able to look forward to that. Is it telling you about that with my sister and her nephews? You know what my family is?

1:08:59 Drew Yeah.

1:09:00 Adam You know, they give a rat's ass about everything.

1:09:02 Drew That's our listener, too, by the way.

1:09:04 Adam Well, yeah. My nephews, they're... Oh, what the hell are those kids? Like four and one and a half or something. The four-year-old's crazy for Buzz Lightyear. He's got the doll, runs around, he does the whole thing. So I say to my sister, you know, they did these 65 episodes of Buzz Lightyear, the cartoon's gonna come out, Disney's doing it, they've got a bunch of money poured into it. I'm Buzz's commander. I said, these kids are gonna go nuts for this Buzz Lightyear cartoon that's coming out in a few months. I'm doing the voice of the commander, so I'll be able to get him some, maybe I'll give him some still shots or I'll just come over and do the voice for him. I'll get him some previews or some tapes or something. And she's like, yeah.

1:09:58 And I said, whatever.

1:09:59 Adam Yeah, whatever. And I'm like, listen, you see, when Casper, that's why, ironically named after a cartoon, and I didn't want to get into the Casper thing, but when Casper, when I come over to Casper, after he's been watching this cartoon for a few weeks, and I come over and I do buzzes, I do the voice of his commander, he's going to go nuts.

1:10:21 Drew Yeah.

1:10:21 Adam And he's just like, yeah, all right. All right. That doesn't strike you as cool at all?

1:10:28 Drew For fun or anything?

1:10:28 Adam I was like, yeah, it's all right. I mean, that's great. Fantastic. All right. Anyway.

1:10:32 Drew She is your father's daughter.

1:10:34 Adam My family, I'll tell you. Whatever. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll talk to Donna. Air gets trapped in her vagina during sex. Want to know if that's normal? We'll get into the sound that makes after this.

1:10:49 Caller Loveline, Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, we'll be right back.

1:11:27 Adam Oh, it is Loveline, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew in that corner, Adam Carolla in this corner, and we're coming right back at you. Donna?

1:11:40 Caller Yeah?

1:11:40 Adam Just warming up for that lightning round, kitty. This is gonna be a big one. 24, you got air-trapped in the vagina.

1:11:46 Caller Yes.

1:11:47 Adam During certain positions or all positions?

1:11:50 I only noticed it once or twice, and then this last time there was a lot of it, and it was in doggy style.

1:11:57 Drew Is it that it's trapped? It doesn't come out?

1:12:00 Well, yeah, at first I thought my husband passed gas, but then he said, no, that wasn't me, and then when we were done, I felt all this pressure, and I just gave a little push, and then a whole bunch came out.

1:12:10 Adam Nice. It was like squirreling that air away in your vagina for the winter. Yeah. Well, that's what that doggy does.

1:12:21 Caller I don't know why.

1:12:23 So it's common?

1:12:24 Drew Yes.

1:12:24 I'm not just a freak.

1:12:25 Drew No, you're not a freak. No, it's very common.

1:12:27 Okay. But is there any way to stop that, or is it just-

1:12:30 Drew It's positional.

1:12:31 Okay.

1:12:32 Adam You could shove some charcoal up there to absorb. No. Now, it's a position thing.

1:12:39 Caller It's a position thing.

1:12:40 Adam Yeah.

1:12:40 Okay.

1:12:41 Adam Okay.

1:12:42 Caller Cool. Now, I feel better though.

1:12:43 I was like, okay.

1:12:46 Caller Okay. Thank you.

1:12:47 Adam Yeah. I had a trough carved into my penis. I wouldn't collect air in there. It's like an escape valve. You know what I'm saying?

1:12:55 Drew Right.

1:12:56 Adam It was painful, I got to admit.

1:12:58 Drew I wonder what that was when I was examining the other day.

1:13:00 Adam Yeah. Well, air escape trough. It's a bypass.

1:13:02 Drew I knew it wasn't worn.

1:13:03 Adam It worked well. Thank you. Kevin?

1:13:07 Yes.

1:13:07 Adam You're 22?

1:13:08 Caller Yes. How are you, Adam?

1:13:09 Adam Good.

1:13:10 Caller It's finally good to get to talk to you and Mr. Drew.

1:13:13 Adam Good.

1:13:13 Caller Dr. Drew, it's nice to talk to you. I first want to ask my major question here is, here lately, well, not lately, I would say for the past year or so, I've come into different confrontations with certain people. And in doing this, this confrontation, it doesn't have to be from any specific thing, whatever it is. It's mainly dealing with trashy type people, people of my community, around my neighborhood. One of the problems that I'm having most with dealing with these people is, it's a constant irritation to want to seek revenge on these people. And in most cases, the people that I'm trying to seek revenge on are basically your immoral trailer trash type people that just have no moral in their life.

1:14:06 Adam Well, listen, someone has to do God's work.

1:14:09 Caller Right.

1:14:09 Adam And why not Kevin?

1:14:12 Caller Right, why not Kevin? Well, Kevin doesn't want to do God's work.

1:14:15 Adam What do you do, like burn hobos when they're passed out on park benches and stuff like that?

1:14:19 Caller No, it's not so much to try to sum it up for you. I deal with certain people, usually my same age group.

1:14:28 Adam Right, okay. Do you have any idea what he's talking about?

1:14:36 Drew Where is the Rosetta Stone?

1:14:38 Adam It's in his ass. Let me tell you something about homeless though. I do pass a few of them on the way home. Here's the thing, I see homeless guys. I know maybe you're not thinking clearly if you're homeless, but you got to be thinking clearly enough to find yourself a corner to pass out in. You see homeless guys passed out in the middle of a stretch of sidewalk, like in the middle of it. You know what I'm talking about? If I was homeless, I'd wander around, I'd go to a freeway overpass or something, I'd crawl up into something. I'd fall asleep in a place where I had my back covered in one side covered. This is what cats do and dogs do when they go to bed. They like to sleep in the corner, so if they're going to get attacked, or something's going to happen, it's just going to come from one direction. Homeless guys, they fall asleep in the middle of the sidewalk, like people have to step over them, like if your car jumped the curb or something, you just run right over them. I see a bunch of those guys, they're right on top of a park bench, right off of Franklin there, just like right under a street light. I mean, when did you just, like if you were homeless, when did you just hop a fence and go into a school yard and sleep like in a sandbox or something, like kind of get off the beaten path a little bit?

1:15:54 Drew Maybe it's less dangerous out in the open like that.

1:15:59 Adam Who is this guy we're talking to?

1:16:01 Drew Kevin.

1:16:02 Adam Kevin, yeah. Hey, Kevin.

1:16:04 Caller Yes.

1:16:04 Adam You need to tell us exactly what's going on in about 15 seconds.

1:16:09 Drew Two sentences.

1:16:10 Adam Ready? Go.

1:16:11 Caller Basically, what's going on is certain problems that I've had with people in the past have been building up inside of me constantly.

1:16:17 Adam What problems?

1:16:19 Caller It could stem from anything. It's just your normal confrontation with people.

1:16:22 Adam Why people in your neighborhood?

1:16:25 Caller You know how it is growing up.

1:16:26 Caller No.

1:16:26 Caller You had the kid in the neighborhood, the big bully.

1:16:29 Adam Yeah, but you're 22.

1:16:31 Caller Right.

1:16:32 Adam So where are you living? Away from home?

1:16:34 Caller No, no, I'm still living at home.

1:16:35 Adam Why are you living at home at 22?

1:16:37 Caller Well, actually, I have a really good job and I'm saving up to buy a piece of property and try to get my life a stab.

1:16:42 Adam All right. What's your job?

1:16:45 Caller I'm a machinist.

1:16:46 Adam Oh, working with metal.

1:16:47 Caller Yeah.

1:16:48 Adam All right. What kind of stuff do you machine?

1:16:50 Caller We do, I really hate to say too much.

1:16:54 Adam Oh, no kidding.

1:16:55 Caller Not too, not too much.

1:16:56 Adam No, I know. I don't know what the f you're talking about. You've been on the line for three minutes now.

1:17:00 Caller It's just a, it's a job.

1:17:03 Adam Who cares? Who cares? What am I nuts asking Kevin what he machines? You know what I mean? It's Kevin. I forgot it was Kevin. He's a machinist. I asked him what he machine. I had a 10 minute discussion on why he can't tell me what he machines. Turns out, you know, it's probably lawnmower parts, but he couldn't, the son of a bitch just couldn't spit it out. All right, Kevin, you tell me what you machine or I hang up on you. Ready? In one word, one word. Ready? Go.

1:17:32 Caller Corrugated boxing material.

1:17:35 Adam You machine boxing material?

1:17:38 Caller We machine the parts that make the boxes.

1:17:40 Adam Okay. All right. That's exciting work. So you're saving up. You're moving out. Until then, stop talking to people in your neighborhood. I don't know what your question is. I don't got enough time to get to it. Are you angry?

1:17:52 Caller There's an anger built up inside, yeah.

1:17:54 Adam All right. But that doesn't have to do with your neighborhood people. That has to do with you. So why don't you talk to somebody before you do something stupid, like stab somebody with a die?

1:18:05 Caller Well, it's not so much that. I mean, I know it's hard to understand, but once you deal with these people for so long and you have to put up with it...

1:18:13 Adam What people?

1:18:15 Caller I hate to give you the scenario, because I could spend all day, and I know I've been on here long enough, but what I'm basically trying to get to is there are certain people that I've dealt with in previous parts of my life throughout time. These people have struck a nerve with me terribly. I'm going home thinking about it.

1:18:32 Adam This is a taxi driver. Yeah.

1:18:35 Caller I've gotten sick with it, and it's to a point now where I know the justice system.

1:18:39 Adam Those people don't even know your name. Do you know that? Never think about you.

1:18:43 Caller Yes. And the justice system isn't working, and you can't call no one. These people are to the point where you do something to them. They're coming back for you.

1:18:51 Adam All right. Hey, Kevin.

1:18:52 Caller Yeah.

1:18:54 Adam Just listen. Here's your job.

1:18:55 Drew Move the hell out of there.

1:18:56 Adam Save your money up and move. And don't talk to any of these people. And if you're angry, go to the shrink or hit the heavy bag.

1:19:02 Caller All right.

1:19:03 Adam All right. But don't... Listen, Kevin. You may not know it, but you're a little bit crazy.

1:19:08 Caller No. I'm very sane. I come from a very moral standpoint.

1:19:11 Adam All right. Good. No, no vengeance. You understand?

1:19:14 Caller Right.

1:19:14 Adam Don't act on anything. You'll ruin your life.

1:19:17 Caller Okay.

1:19:17 Adam Just move away. And then call us back in five years when magically you're having trouble with people in your new neighborhood. What do you think the chances are?

1:19:25 Drew Magically.

1:19:28 Adam I did say magically, didn't I?

1:19:29 Drew Yes, yes, yes.

1:19:30 Adam That's the operative word. Mike?

1:19:33 Caller Yeah.

1:19:33 Adam You're 24. You sweat a lot under your arms?

1:19:37 Caller Plenty.

1:19:37 Adam Yeah. That's all right.

1:19:39 Caller Yikes.

1:19:39 Adam A lot of guys do that.

1:19:41 Caller But this is like too much.

1:19:43 Adam Yeah.

1:19:44 Drew Well, you use the deodorant.

1:19:46 Caller I do. I tried. Anything new comes up.

1:19:49 Drew There are actually procedures that can be done to change the nerve input into that area and actually remove parts of the glands and things.

1:19:56 Adam What about getting that Xerox or that Zovarac or that Xerac?

1:20:01 Drew I don't know if that can work under the arm, but that's something we could try.

1:20:03 Adam Why not? What do you mean? It'll work anywhere you spread it on. Go to the dermatologist and ask him. I got some stuff once.

1:20:08 Drew It's a different glandular. Oh, it is? The apocrine gland.

1:20:13 Adam It's a what gland?

1:20:13 Drew Apocrine.

1:20:14 Adam Apocrine. Does any of that deodorant stuff work? It does? A little bit. What about... You know what commercial I see every night when I get home? It's that guy who's out in the desert and he rides an ATV, and he's like good looking, but he's kind of Gen X-y and he's telling you what kind of dude he is. Every deodorant commercial, the guy explains to you what kind of guy he is. And you know what? I'll give you multiple choice on what kind of guy he is, okay? Mr. 45% guy? Now don't jump in yet. I know you think that might be the right answer. Mr. 82% guy? Or could he be Mr. 110% guy? He does everything fast paced. He works hard and you know what else? Plays hard. He plays hard too. He's on the move. He don't have time to be slowed down with sweat. And if you're like he is, and I'm thinking to myself, I am exactly like you are except for right now you're shooting hoop and I'm jacking off. And there's a TV dinner next to me. Other than that, we're the same dude. Oh, except for the part about the rollerblading. And I don't know, you know, every one of these goddamn commercials, when it's a chick and it has to do with a tampon, douche, or venereal warts, she's in to kickboxing. Every chick is boxing now. Every deodorant commercial, every douche commercial, they're beating the crap. Yeah, well, it's that great wart commercial. But every commercial is the chick is now boxing. And every dude commercial, the dude is rollerblading. Usually some kind of inline hockey thing down at the beach with the League of Nations, mixed batch of ethnicities he plays with, the black guy and the Asian guy and the Mexican guy. You know, they're all like spread out because it's important that he has a friend. He has like an IHOP type of friendship going on with everybody. But he's a hard working dude. But when he's with the ladies at night, he doesn't want to sweat. It's okay to sweat during the day when you're working hard, but not when you're with the ladies. And especially not when they get back to his apartment with the ceiling that's 40 stories high and the brick wall and the Harley that he parks in the corner there. The big hearth and that big studio that guy lives in. Who are these guys and what's up? And by the way, Drew, have you ever demanded anything from a deodorant? I don't even know what a deodorant does. I've never demanded anything. I've never declared that one worked better than the next. Look through this window, by the way.

1:23:07 Drew I've never seen more bored, uncomfortable pusses in my entire life. I got to get a panel of boredom.

1:23:13 Adam I got to jump in on my deodorant, Jack. Pussies. I got to tell you something because Friday, a guy from ABC, John, I can't think of John's last name. He's way up there. I just met with him about something. Anyway, he called me at home. I don't know the guy that well. I've met with him a couple of times. He's an executive over at ABC. Right. He called and he said, I got a call. I called Adam. I just want to tell you that space camp thing you were talking about, that space camp call, that was the best piece of radio I ever heard in my life. I was laughing. I was crying. That whole space camp thing you did, you were talking about last Thursday, that was amazing theater, he said. And I said, huh? And he said, space camp, do you remember talking about space camp last week? And I said, yeah, yeah, I remember that. And he said, that was brilliant. And I said, and I've never talked to this guy on the phone in my life. I met him a couple of times. I just wanted to call. He said, I didn't think you'd be home. I just want to leave you a message. I said, really? He said, yeah. I said, you know, I'm glad you called. That's great because when you're sitting in here and you look through the window, now just look through the window. You sure you don't want to talk a little more about space camp?

1:24:28 Drew I want to throw up.

1:24:29 Adam Aren't you interested in space camp at all?

1:24:30 Drew I am.

1:24:32 Caller You got good and bad stuff.

1:24:34 Adam I'm looking at Anderson and Daniel and Ann. Listen, I know you guys aren't supposed to be laughing or smiling or anything. I know this is all boring and old stuff and the honeymoon is over. But I'm saying, if we were shooting a movie where three people were supposed to look bored, they would tell them to reel it in a little bit because it seemed a little over the top. I mean, hands, you know when you take your one palm, your one hand and your face melts on it, you put it in your cheek and you're looking down?

1:25:05 Drew You're barely awake.

1:25:06 Adam Three of them with one hand propping their head up, I rolled back and just looking down during that speech. So I said to this guy, I'm glad you called because I have no idea how this stuff goes because I got Drew over here who's interested in moving on to the next call. Then if I look through the window there, I have a bunch of people whose hands are melting into their faces. So God bless it. Who knows? That deodorant could have been a gem. Maybe I'll get a call tomorrow. CBS will call you tomorrow.

1:25:36 From CBS.

1:25:37 Adam Doubt it. Anderson doubts it. We're going to take a break when we come back, Drew. The lightning round. Yeah, after this.

1:25:47 Caller Hello. This is your radio. Love Line will be right back.

1:26:42 Yeah! I'm Ace Rockolla because............

1:26:52 Adam It's 1146............... That's 13 minutes and 40 seconds.

1:26:57 Straight up, I'm Ace Rockolla.

1:27:01 Adam Tomorrow night, Farouk Assault's coming in here.

1:27:03 And let me tell you something about those chicks from Farouk Assault. They are hot, hot, hot.

1:27:08 Adam Let's hop back on the boat, let's go to the Marino Land.

1:27:11 Caller What's going on out there?

1:27:12 Adam Stanley? Hey.

1:27:14 Caller Stanley, 16, what's going on? Stanley? Yeah, you want to know why girls have sex with their shirts on?

1:27:26 Adam Blah, blah, blah.

1:27:28 Caller What gals have sex with their shirts on there, Stan?

1:27:32 Caller Well, when I was, you know, before my birthday, I was having sex.

1:27:37 Caller And so I was into it, and the girl just kept on having a shirt on, and I asked her to take it off.

1:27:41 Caller I don't know why.

1:27:42 Caller I'm in her.

1:27:43 Drew She's ashamed. She doesn't feel good about her body. She's not ready to be doing what she's doing, frankly.

1:27:48 Adam But Stan, let me check time a little bit. It's 11.47 in 20 seconds.

1:27:54 Caller That is 12 minutes, 40 seconds away from the end of the hour. Straight up the witch in the hour, don't we? Now she's back down in the middle, lighting around the fastest 14 and a half minutes.

1:28:02 Adam Stan?

1:28:03 Caller Yeah? Yeah, it's all right. Probably had a tattoo of her ex-boyfriend. You know what I'm saying, brother? Listen there, goo ball. One bet he keeps her shirt on. That don't mean all of them do.

1:28:12 Adam Right there. Hop in the back of the phone again.

1:28:14 Caller Dan? Danny 14. He's made that little light around his bra. Girlfriend gets violent during sex. You want to know if that's normal?

1:28:25 Caller No, I'm wanting actually to tell her to let her off easily or tell her to ask her how to quit.

1:28:31 Caller What do you mean she gets violent, starts pulling on your nipples?

1:28:34 Caller No, it's more like she looks more into chains and stuff.

1:28:37 Drew She's into sort of satamastic stuff, right?

1:28:39 Caller Yeah.

1:28:40 Caller Yeah, you're talking about chains like anchor chain, not like making change, right, buddy?

1:28:44 Drew And you want to end the relationship?

1:28:46 Caller No, I just want to...

1:28:47 Adam Hold on, Drew, let me check that.

1:28:48 Caller It's 11, 48, and 15 seconds. That's 11 minutes, 45 seconds away. I have a little light around.

1:28:55 Adam Go ahead, Dan.

1:28:56 Caller Yeah, I just want to find an easy way to let her know that I don't like it too much.

1:29:02 Drew Oh, you don't... just tell her that. Listen, you don't have to engage in stuff that you don't like to do.

1:29:07 Adam Yeah, it's right there, Drew.

1:29:09 Drew That's supposed to reduce intimacy, not improve...

1:29:12 Caller Let me tell you something about Ace Rockolla. He don't mind a little rough trade every once in a while. Little nipple play. Little nipple play, Andrew.

1:29:18 Drew Too much information.

1:29:19 Caller True, he's a very passionate man. Certainly, you can understand. Little nipple play.

1:29:23 Caller Never hang around the gymnasium.

1:29:26 Adam Lori at 23.

1:29:28 Hey.

1:29:28 Adam David.

1:29:30 Caller Am I on the radio?

1:29:31 Caller No. Oh, wow.

1:29:33 Caller Okay.

1:29:33 Caller Goes out of her way to get in trouble.

1:29:37 Adam What kind of trouble are you getting in there, Josie?

1:29:39 Caller Um, I don't know. I don't know. I'm just sadistic about getting in trouble and stuff.

1:29:43 Drew You know what about?

1:29:44 Caller What kind of trouble?

1:29:45 Caller Like, I don't know. I'd like for us to get, like, be put in prison or something like that. It wasn't for all the other consequences. Like, getting put in a corner or stuff.

1:29:59 Caller Well, let me tell you about it. What's this bitch talking about? Let me check down below. It's 11.49, 35 seconds. That is 10 minutes, 25 seconds away from the top of the hour.

1:30:11 Caller 12 minutes, 12 minutes, 12 minutes.

1:30:15 Drew Do you do stuff that gets you in trouble?

1:30:17 Caller Well, no. I just have a fetish about it. I don't have to do anything.

1:30:21 Drew A fetish about being in a prison?

1:30:24 Caller Well, not... I mean... It's hard to explain.

1:30:27 Drew Yes, indeed it is.

1:30:28 Caller No kidding there, honey. You know what? Call back tomorrow night, and you can explain it all to whoever's filming for me. I'm going to hop back on the phones again. We're going to talk to Joanna. Joanna's 15.

1:30:38 Guest Hello?

1:30:38 Caller Uh-huh.

1:30:39 Guest Hi.

1:30:40 Caller I'm attracted to my stepbrother.

1:30:42 Drew How old is he?

1:30:43 Guest He's 14.

1:30:44 Drew How long has he been your stepbrother? Taboo.

1:30:47 Caller Well, he's not really my stepbrother yet until May.

1:30:49 Caller No, you better make hay while the sun shines, baby.

1:30:55 Drew That's bad news. It's going to be one of the most awkward thanksgivings you've ever heard.

1:30:59 Caller Yeah, and my mom let's him spend the night in my room.

1:31:03 Drew No, no, no, no.

1:31:04 Caller Where are you? You're in your room too?

1:31:06 Caller Yeah.

1:31:07 Adam Oh, that's trouble.

1:31:07 Caller Let me check the time, love, how's your time? It's 1150 in 40 seconds.

1:31:12 Adam That's nine minutes and 20 seconds away.

1:31:19 Caller Ace Rockolla. Joanna, you're going to have trouble there because you can't stay away from him.

1:31:25 Adam Okay.

1:31:25 Caller Stay away. You understand?

1:31:27 Drew There's other guys. Plain other guys out there.

1:31:29 Adam Yeah.

1:31:29 Guest Okay.

1:31:30 Drew This is going to make for very, very awkward, disrupted families.

1:31:33 Caller Hey, Joanna.

1:31:34 Guest Yeah.

1:31:34 Caller Don't you have a cousin or something you're going to have sex with instead?

1:31:37 Guest Um, yeah.

1:31:38 Caller Okay, do that.

1:31:38 Guest Okay.

1:31:39 Caller No, they're better.

1:32:10 Adam It's 1151 in 40 seconds. That's 8 minutes and 20 seconds away.

1:32:20 Caller Yeah?

1:32:22 Caller You have sex with your 16-year-old girlfriend, do you?

1:32:25 Caller Uh, yeah.

1:32:27 Adam And she smacked you with a bell?

1:32:29 Caller Uh, no, that's before.

1:32:31 Adam So what's your question about her?

1:32:33 Caller Um, I don't know if there's something wrong with me because I got erected about it.

1:32:36 Drew Erected about it.

1:32:39 Caller You got a, uh, hey, when you were a kid, you used to play with one of those erect sets?

1:32:43 Caller What?

1:32:43 Drew Erect door sets.

1:32:44 Caller Oh, yeah. All right, there, Corey. That was a big little joke. No, no, no.

1:32:48 Drew I can't, I can't.

1:32:49 Caller You don't have a question, right? No, no? You all right?

1:32:52 Drew He's aroused by the sort of sex play he has with her.

1:32:54 Caller It's good times.

1:32:54 Adam Good times.

1:32:55 Caller Tim?

1:32:56 Caller Yeah.

1:32:57 Caller Tim, you're 18 years old.

1:32:59 Adam What's your problem there, buddy?

1:33:00 Caller That's rough.

1:33:02 Caller Yeah.

1:33:03 Caller I'm 18. I'm 18 and my girlfriend is 16.

1:33:06 Caller And when we got together six months ago, I was only 17, so starting to have a rape was a problem. But now, I mean, I haven't had sex since I turned 18 because-

1:33:16 Caller Me neither.

1:33:16 Caller Well, she's from a Hispanic family and her mom only speaks Spanish and I don't speak a bit of it.

1:33:20 Caller Yeah.

1:33:20 Caller So I'm afraid if she wouldn't approve of us having sex or not, which is what I did.

1:33:24 Drew What state are you calling from?

1:33:25 Caller Hawthorne.

1:33:27 Drew State of Hawthorne.

1:33:28 Caller Tell her I'm a Polo La Blanca. That means the white bird flies. Timmy?

1:33:35 Drew Yeah.

1:33:35 Caller Girlfriend's 15?

1:33:37 Drew Yeah.

1:33:37 Caller Yeah. But let me tell you, the Mexicans are used to that stuff.

1:33:40 Drew No.

1:33:40 Caller She probably thinks you're a little young for her.

1:33:42 Drew Oh, come on.

1:33:42 Caller Let me tell you. It's true. You know what goes over there in Mexico?

1:33:51 Adam Unacceptable.

1:33:52 Drew Unacceptable.

1:33:52 Adam Down an old man.

1:33:53 Caller Unacceptable.

1:33:54 Drew She's young.

1:33:54 Caller She's too young, man. You gotta find someone a little older. 18 years old. You gotta find an old girl. That's the Ace Rockolla.

1:34:01 Adam You shouldn't want a girlfriend who's 15 and 18 years old.

1:34:04 Caller I know it's all you can get, but you gotta move on. Look, wait a minute.

1:34:07 Drew Come point out, is it three years? The age of the under 18-year-old or two years?

1:34:11 Caller No. I don't know.

1:34:13 Adam Let me check time a little bit.

1:34:14 Drew He actually may be okay from the standpoint, essentially.

1:34:16 Caller Let me check time.

1:34:17 Adam It's 1153 and 45 seconds, six minutes and 15 seconds away from the top of the hour.

1:34:22 Caller So yeah, I'm around Ace Rockolla. That's a good part of that, Drew.

1:34:26 Adam Varukasal is going to be in them all night. They are hot, hot, hot. We're going to take a quick break and we'll be back right after this commercial message.

1:34:34 Caller We'll be back in a minute.

1:35:09 Adam Yeah, well, there you go. Another favorite show in the ground.

1:35:12 Drew Hey, you know, our security guard, he's got four kids. Four kids. Oh, imagine that.

1:35:17 Adam Oh, oh, that was real. All right, Vruka Saldal being here tomorrow night. We like those girls. So, until next time, Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew, saying mahalo.

1:35:30 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, July 30, 2000