Episode 1000754887386

3:53 Adam Hey, it's Love Line!

3:56 Drew Woo!

3:56 Adam I'm Adam Carolla, that is Dr. Drew over there. He's feeling frisky tonight, everybody. He's wearing his Amherst sweatshirt, and he's let his hair down.

4:05 Drew That's right.

4:05 Voiceover Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician and your Addiction Medicine Specialist, kiddies. All right, MxPx is our guest tonight. They are currently getting drunk at a Thai restaurant. We'll be rolling in here at their leisure, which should be just about any minute now. Gina Lee Nolan will be in here tomorrow night. Gina Lee is just a spectacular looking woman.

4:36 Who is she?

4:38 Adam Really great looking blonde.

4:39 Drew I got that part.

4:40 Adam Baywatch.

4:41 Drew Yeah.

4:42 Adam Yeah.

4:43 Drew Okay.

4:43 Adam I don't know what else to say. Gives a mean hand job. Now you know her work. She's so good looking, she's too good looking. Looks like a Barbie doll. Some people look like their heads were sculpted. Spent a lot of time on them. What's that motivational speaker? Tom Robbins? Tony Robbins? Doesn't he look like he's claymated? Gigantism claymated guy. You gotta breathe, you gotta get up out of the bed and you have to live. Or Tom Vu?

5:22 Oh no.

5:25 Adam The Vietnamese guy who...

5:26 Drew You're gonna go through all your imitations tonight?

5:28 Adam Well, Tom Vu is no different than Minka if you listen to the show.

5:31 Drew I understand. That's why I figured Minka was coming next.

5:34 Adam You know how I make millions of dollars in real estate market? I work hard. I'm not soft like you. I'm no pussy like you. I'm no scared. You see this Ferrari? That's my toy. You see the scareboat with cocors on it? That's my toy. You want toys? You use Tom Vu method. See this picture? That picture of me with eight hundred Vietnamese brothers and sisters. We come over on life raft. I wash dish. Now look at me. You see that helicopter? You see that scareboat? You see that Ferrari? Dem's my toys. Eric, I think the guy got thrown off the air. I think they used a Rico act against him or something. Eric?

6:19 MXPX Yes.

6:20 Adam You're 23.

6:21 MXPX Yes, I am.

6:22 Adam Okay, buddy.

6:23 MXPX Well, I don't know if I've got a problem or whatnot, but-

6:27 Drew Sounds like you're talking on a microphone.

6:29 Adam What are you talking into?

6:30 Drew What kind of phone is that?

6:31 MXPX I'm talking to a telephone.

6:32 Drew Just a plain phone?

6:33 MXPX Plain telephone.

6:34 Drew It's like a microphone.

6:36 Adam Is it shaped like anything?

6:38 MXPX Shaped like a phone. Nothing special about it.

6:40 Adam Okay. Well, give yourself a little room. Pull it away from your mouth just a little bit.

6:44 MXPX Can you hear me now? Yeah.

6:45 Adam Yeah, it's probably a little better. Thanks.

6:47 MXPX Okay. Sorry about that.

6:47 Adam That's all right.

6:48 MXPX Okay. I'm married. Married pretty young. And since recently, what, two years or whatnot, I've been watching a whole lot of porn. I mean, too much of it. When my wife's at work, it's like all I can think of, you know? I was wondering, is that normal?

7:03 Drew When do you work?

7:04 MXPX Well, I work night shift and my wife works during the day.

7:07 Drew And it's all you do when she's gone is watch porn?

7:09 MXPX Pretty much.

7:10 Drew How many hours a day?

7:11 MXPX I'd say from about 1130 to about three o'clock, right before I got to walk out the door.

7:19 Drew You can walk at that point?

7:20 Adam Are you masturbating?

7:22 MXPX Yeah.

7:23 Adam And how many do you get off in that four and a half hours?

7:26 MXPX Well, I'm really picky. I just don't look at anything. I'd say maybe like once. Yeah, I just do it once and end it.

7:31 Drew Yeah, but why don't you pick that one thing at the beginning?

7:32 Adam Yeah, that's what I do. I've learned my lesson with the porn and the masturbation, which is I cut to the quick now because I realized.

7:41 Drew You got a life.

7:42 MXPX Yeah.

7:42 Adam Well, your Johnson's in your hand. You think everything's wonderful, but then it happens and you feel like you've wasted your life because you spend an hour and 45 minutes sitting on the sofa spanking it.

7:53 MXPX Exactly.

7:53 Adam Get it over with. And once you get it over with, you won't want to do it for a few more hours. You see what I'm saying, Eric?

8:02 MXPX Yes, I do.

8:02 Adam Okay. So here's what you need to do. Knock off all the foreplay with yourself. Fast forward. Don't even fast forward. Just have all the movies queued up to your sweet spot.

8:13 MXPX See, here's the thing. I'm not watching movies. It's all online. You know, my wife is totally against, you know, anything.

8:18 Adam Oh, it's all online.

8:20 MXPX It's all online.

8:21 Adam All right. Hold on.

8:22 MXPX Hold on.

8:22 Adam See, okay. This is okay. This is the problem. See, I've had this problem before. People think I'm nuts. But if I rent a porn movie, if there's a porn movie I haven't seen before, I have to fast forward through the entire movie to make sure I'm not missing anything before I then backtrack and get to the good part.

8:41 Drew That sounds like a normal thing.

8:43 Adam But even, oh no, my friends make fun of me.

8:45 Drew For that?

8:46 Adam Yeah. And other stuff.

8:48 Drew What do they do?

8:50 Adam They watch the movie in sort of real time, and if they see something they like, they just add it and then they'll go back and put it in and see what else is on there. Me, every time semen comes out of my penis, I feel like this could be the last time. You understand? That's why I make a great softball player, because every time I get up to the plate, I think this could be the last swing I take. I focus. You know what I'm saying? So I fast forward all the way through because I always think there's going to be some chick I went to high school with who's banging a couple of black dwarfs at the end that I'm going to miss, and that semen, I'll never get it back again. There may be new semen, but not that semen. You see what I'm saying?

9:28 Drew Yeah, I got you.

9:29 Adam So I'll watch the whole thing. Now the thing about the inner, now I'll watch a movie though, I know what's on it, I'll go right to the good stuff.

9:36 Drew Yeah.

9:37 Adam You put the Internet on, that's endless. It's an endless stream of new images.

9:40 Drew I see.

9:41 Adam So there's no stopping point.

9:42 Drew How do you pick?

9:43 Adam Right.

9:44 MXPX Right.

9:46 Adam That's what young Eric is dealing with.

9:48 MXPX Eric? Yes.

9:49 Adam Here's the deal. You set yourself like a 10-minute egg timer and that's as long as you got to whack off. And you do it. I mean, start watching at 1130 when your old lady goes to work or whatever. But by noon, you're done. And the only way you're going to be done is if something comes out of your penis before noon.

10:09 Drew And start exercising or find another hobby or something. How's the relationship going?

10:13 MXPX I mean, I put on, you know, I guess everything's fine, you know.

10:17 Drew But it's sucking.

10:18 MXPX Yeah. I feel trapped. You know, I can't really hang out with my friends or do anything.

10:22 Drew Why not?

10:23 Adam You got the whole day.

10:25 MXPX Well, most of my friends work during the day. They're at school.

10:27 Drew So it's like you got to start taking care of yourself better.

10:30 Adam Why don't you get off the night shift?

10:32 MXPX Well, you know, it pays more. What are you doing? I do repair work for a telephone company.

10:38 Adam And you're out just working on those switcher boxes or something?

10:43 MXPX Well, it's all remotely now. So I'm in office doing it. All right.

10:47 Adam The point is, is you have one half hour from the time your hand touches your Johnson to the time you're going for the paper towels. OK, that's it. Now you're done by noon and you have the whole day ahead of you.

10:59 Drew And then if you're going to be able to sort of continue this plan, you have to take better care of yourself. Thank you.

11:07 Adam Derek?

11:08 MXPX Yeah?

11:09 Adam What's up?

11:11 MXPX I have a Coleman syndrome. Are you familiar with that?

11:14 Drew Coleman. You don't smell things and you don't have developed testes. Right.

11:20 Adam Really? Why do those go hand in hand?

11:22 Drew It's a developmental thing.

11:24 Adam So you have no sense of smell?

11:25 Drew Yeah. None.

11:26 Adam Which means, well, it means you would have been in great shape the other night when Drew was in this booth if you were in here with me because that was a bad night.

11:34 Drew But he has taste.

11:35 MXPX Oh, really?

11:36 Adam So he can taste it?

11:36 MXPX I'm not sure if it's as good as everyone else.

11:38 Drew No, it shouldn't be. How can you test for that?

11:41 Adam With no smell, you can have taste?

11:42 Drew Yeah, he has taste.

11:43 Adam How much taste do you have?

11:44 Drew It's not as good. The tongue's still functional. Who knows? It's sweet and sour and.

11:48 Adam Is it like what? I mean, and I know Derek, you have nothing to compare it to. But Drew, would it be like you getting a head cold and eating something?

11:55 Drew Worse.

11:56 MXPX Worse?

11:56 Yeah.

11:57 Drew What do you like eating, Derek?

12:00 MXPX Pizza, ice cream.

12:02 Drew So the fatty.

12:03 Adam Yeah. So for you, it's almost more of a texture.

12:06 MXPX I can't taste garlic.

12:08 Adam Great. But you don't know what you're missing, right?

12:13 Drew So who cares?

12:14 Adam Yeah.

12:14 MXPX But what I am missing is my nuts.

12:16 Adam Oh, you're missing your nuts? Those you know you're missing.

12:19 Drew Wait a minute. Do you take testosterone?

12:21 MXPX Yeah. I take injections.

12:23 Drew And the test he's never developed because they were never turned on, so to speak? Right.

12:29 MXPX Right. Just recently we went through a whole thing to find them and they couldn't find them.

12:32 Drew So they were afraid that they were up inside? Right.

12:36 Adam Drew's wife left town and he looked for his nuts just the other weekend, by the way.

12:40 Drew She still had them with her.

12:41 Adam Yeah, in the glove box. She took it with her.

12:43 Drew And the, so in other words, they thought maybe you had non-descended testes, right?

12:48 MXPX Right, because I guess different cases are the same syndrome. Some people have them, some people don't.

12:52 Drew Well, also I suspect that you didn't have normal puberty, right? And then you started fishing around for what the problem was.

12:58 I had to induce puberty.

12:59 Adam So, now, what does your scrotum sac look like?

13:03 MXPX Um, never separated, never, just very small and tight.

13:08 Adam So, it's just kind of up there.

13:10 Drew Yeah.

13:10 Adam Not hanging down.

13:12 MXPX No, so.

13:12 Adam Let me tell you something, though, Derek. Those things, all they're good for is a place for your buddies to put their boot when they get mad at you. Women don't like nuts.

13:23 Drew How about the?

13:24 Adam They think they're bizarre looking.

13:25 Drew How about the phallus?

13:27 Adam It makes your penis look bigger.

13:28 Drew Normal.

13:29 Adam Yeah.

13:30 Drew And you produce semen, and now that you're on testosterone, you have normal function and stuff. Is that right?

13:35 Everything works.

13:36 Drew Everything works. Just no sperm.

13:39 Right.

13:39 Drew Semen, no sperm.

13:40 Adam Nice. All right. You can't get girls pregnant. You don't have the nuts working as a counterweight when you're trying to have sex. They're not slowing you down. You can go on long bike rides.

13:50 Drew Is the girl got bad breath? He doesn't smell?

13:52 Adam No one's kicking you in them. You could go down on even the worst woman for days with no side effects.

13:58 MXPX No side effects. I have some acne. I was wondering if that was from the testosterone.

14:02 Drew Sure.

14:02 MXPX Sure.

14:03 Adam Is that what that is?

14:04 Drew I mean, he may have acne anyway, but testosterone can increase.

14:06 Adam Well, we go to dermatologists, but now what about these nuts? You want to have something inserted in there?

14:11 MXPX Well, I was considering it. Why? I was wondering.

14:13 Drew You've got an advantage going here.

14:15 Adam Well, come on. The guy feels weird in the shower and all that kind of stuff. What about putting something in there?

14:22 Drew They use acrylic now, don't they? What do they use?

14:25 Adam I don't know. Here's the deal though. If they put something in there over time, will it start stretching out? Does he have extra skin down there?

14:34 MXPX They said that it will stretch a little bit.

14:38 Adam All right. That sounds relatively easy. All they have to do is cut the skin and put them in there, right?

14:44 MXPX Are they going to look real? Are they going to feel real? Are they going to move?

14:47 Drew It's going to be a little different. Are they going to migrate? They could, but look, you're ahead of the game, not behind your head.

14:55 MXPX Yeah.

14:56 Adam Well, listen, the guy's got no nuts, Drew. How good do you want to make him feel? I mean, he's only buying so much of this crap.

15:03 Drew What is the ugliest part of the male anatomy?

15:04 Adam The scrotum is the ugliest part of the male anatomy.

15:07 Drew Right, the male without a scrotum hanging down. I know, but... So if he even approaches normal anatomic proportions, he'll still be ahead of the game, because he won't have all the hang and all the other stuff.

15:19 Adam Okay, you'll have...

15:20 MXPX If I do the implants, I'm ahead of the game.

15:22 Adam Yeah. All right, so get the implants. And over time, they'll take shape. You'll be fine. Come on, Derek, cheer up, buddy. Look at it this way. If you had this thing 100 years ago, you'd be in the ground.

15:36 Drew Yep.

15:37 Adam All right, now you got semen and no sperm. You got a penis and no nuts. And you get to take testosterone.

15:45 Drew Taste with no smell.

15:46 Adam Taste with no smell. It really sounds like... It just sounds like he's eliminated all the middle men in the human anatomy. That's like a guy complaining that he's born with no... What do you need? What don't you need? A gallbladder?

16:01 Drew Appendix?

16:02 Adam Appendix, yeah. That's why I got an F in biology.

16:07 Drew You didn't take biology, did you?

16:09 Adam Oh, yeah.

16:09 Drew Did you actually go?

16:11 Adam In the 10th grade? No. Yeah.

16:13 Drew Wow.

16:13 Adam Man, did I actually go.

16:15 Drew You just seem so sophisticated about this guy.

16:16 Adam Oh, how dare you? Of course I went. Freak Mr. Dilleberti failed my ass. Joe?

16:25 Yeah?

16:25 Adam You're 21.

16:26 Caller Yeah, hey. First of all, love the show.

16:29 Adam Thanks.

16:29 Caller And I love the man show especially.

16:31 Adam Thank you.

16:33 Caller Hopefully one day I can be a millionaire just like you.

16:36 Adam Yeah, literally. Millionaire.

16:38 Caller Literally. Screw all my friends. It screwed me.

16:40 Adam That's right.

16:41 Drew Whatever.

16:43 Caller Anyway, I got a question for you. I'm friends with a 17-year-old girl and, you know, I know it legally it's not okay, but I'd like to ask her out, but I'm just, I'd like to, you know, but I'm just not sure I should.

16:57 Adam Yeah.

16:58 Caller And I'm just wondering what your take on this is.

17:00 Adam She a senior in high school?

17:02 Caller Yeah.

17:03 Adam And how long have you known her?

17:05 Caller A year.

17:06 Adam And how'd you meet her?

17:08 Caller Just came over to a friend's house.

17:10 Adam And you struck up a friendship?

17:12 Caller Yeah.

17:13 Adam Joe, you strike me as a kind of guy who doesn't do a lot of dating.

17:16 Caller No, not especially.

17:18 Adam And so you're kind of fixed on this one chick. You think she likes you?

17:24 Caller Well, we get along.

17:25 Adam Right, but maybe she thinks you as a friend?

17:28 Yeah.

17:29 Adam Have you ever heard from anybody, like the mutual friend you have, that she might have an interest in you?

17:35 Caller No.

17:37 Adam She probably doesn't, right?

17:40 Caller No, I mean, I like to think there is, but then I think logically, like I'm just probably trying to look for something that isn't there.

17:47 Adam Yeah, hold on a second, Joe. I just came to the new daytime show. I'd like to start. It's called Bubble Busters. Here's what happened. I go, today, our guess is Brian. He's wanting to ask Connie for her hand in marriage since he've known her from the fifth grade. They're both 22 now. Connie's waiting backstage. Then what happens is, if Brian comes out and I convince him that he's too ugly, poor, and stupid to ask anyone to marry him, and he leaves crying.

18:15 Drew Commence her, that's what he is. Right. She leaves screaming.

18:18 Adam Right. Tune in next week when I talk someone out of a career in medicine. Yeah, or someone wants to be, maybe we devote a whole week to me discouraging fifth graders who want to be astronauts, and the president, and attorneys, and things like that.

18:37 Drew Why they can't be.

18:39 Adam Why it's never going to work. Are you kidding me? You'll be lucky to graduate junior college tomorrow. Get out of here. All right, you can tell that Joe is desperate.

18:50 Drew Yeah.

18:50 Adam And Joe has one woman who he's having contact with. And listen to me women, when a guy doesn't get a whole lot of dates, and you're the one woman who will talk to him and sort of tolerate him, all of that energy, all of that dating he didn't do in high school, all of those lonely nights, it all gets focused and channeled into you, and you become the hope for this guy. Guys do this. Joe? You didn't do a lot of dating in high school, right?

19:20 Caller Just the same girl off and on.

19:22 Drew This girl? No, no, no.

19:24 Caller No, a different girl.

19:25 Adam Really? You got laid? No.

19:28 Caller Waiting till I get married.

19:30 Adam Yep. I wasn't hearing that in your voice either.

19:33 Drew Well, there's nothing overwhelming wrong with you dating her.

19:36 Adam You're waiting till you get married. You're not going to have sex. Here's the deal, Joe.

19:41 Drew But she's young.

19:42 Adam Well, how much younger is she than Joe, though?

19:45 Drew Yeah.

19:45 Adam Do you know what I'm saying?

19:46 Drew Yeah, yeah. Right.

19:48 Adam Thanks, Joe. All right. Here's what you need to do. You need to flat out.

19:52 Drew Thanks for agreeing with Adam's insult.

19:53 Adam You need to flat out ask her out. And don't make any bones about it. You know, don't do that lunch thing with eight people, that coffee thing with the soccer team. Just ask her out on a Friday night. But promise me that if she doesn't want to go, even if she gives you an excuse about what she's doing this weekend and how her grandmother's coming in town or whatever her excuse is, you don't ask her out again. Give her a chance. Ask her out. Make sure it's in no uncertain terms.

20:21 Drew Should we do play acting so Ann can display? Right.

20:25 Adam Let me give you the difference between someone who wants to go out with you and someone who doesn't want to go out with you. And there are subtle differences. And they're almost... If you're not listening with both ears, you won't be able to interpret it.

20:38 Drew Yeah.

20:38 Adam You won't.

20:39 Drew Joe, listen to this. Yeah.

20:40 Adam I'll put them on hold. Ann, here's what I'd like you to give me.

20:43 Drew Ann's very excited.

20:45 MXPX Yes. No, I am.

20:47 I'm getting into my role.

20:48 Adam Yeah. Hello.

20:49 Focusing.

20:50 Adam That role ain't too big a stretch for Ann, by the way. The don't want to go out with you role. Here's the deal, Ann. I want you to give me... Now here's what I think is important for Joe to hear. I want you to give me the, I can't go out with you this weekend. I'm giving you an excuse and I don't ever want to go out with you. And I want you to give me the, you're really doing something Friday night. You really can't go out with him Friday night, but you're really happy he asked you out and you want to make sure that he asks you out again.

21:21 Caller Okay.

21:22 Adam You see what I'm saying?

21:23 Caller Right.

21:23 Adam There's once in a while, and guys got to know the difference between this. All right, we'll start with the, you're really not interested one.

21:30 All right.

21:32 Adam Hey, hold on a second.

21:33 Drew Maestro.

21:34 Adam Hold on. Yeah. Joe, what's this girl's name? Sharon. Sharon? All right. Hey, Sharon, this is Virgin Joe.

21:44 Caller Hi.

21:44 Adam Hi. Hey, this Friday, I'm thinking about taking in a movie. Would you like to go with me?

21:53 Caller I'm real busy this weekend.

21:55 Adam Really? Saturday too? Yeah. Oh, it's a bad weekend? Yeah. Oh.

22:00 I'm really not into movies anyway.

22:02 Adam Oh, you don't like movies?

22:03 Caller No.

22:03 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

22:04 Caller You know, the theater, sit next to all those people.

22:07 Adam Right. Germs. It's crowded. Yeah. Just get something on your foot. Yeah. Well, I don't have to go to a movie. I might head out this week and grab a bite or something like that. It's cars. Something.

22:17 You know, I'm on a diet. I'm planning on eating this weekend.

22:20 Adam Oh, okay.

22:20 All right.

22:21 Adam Well, you know, maybe some other time, huh?

22:23 You know, yeah, some other time.

22:26 Adam All right. Well, I'll talk to you later.

22:28 All right.

22:28 Adam All right. Okay. That's the ain't going out this weekend and ain't going out ever.

22:34 Drew I think most people would not have the way of us to end. When Anne was a little firmer at the end there, when it's maybe some other time, most people would go, yeah, yes. Let's just conclude this conversation.

22:45 Caller I guess I was selling it too hard.

22:47 Drew Yeah.

22:47 Adam Yeah. That's what girls will do.

22:49 Drew They'll go, yeah, yeah, some other time. I can't wait. Yeah, I'll absolutely call me. Which is wrong.

22:53 MXPX Girls need to, because he will come back.

22:55 Drew They always do that and then they don't answer their calls. That's the follow-up to that.

22:59 Adam But you guys, everyone, you know how it is. You want to get out of there. It's like whatever, whether you're quitting a job or not going out with someone, or firing somebody, or whatever it is, it's always uncomfortable and what you try to do is lessen the pain by not laying it all out. You give it to them in doses. Now, you've just bought yourself another week and by the time he calls next week and you tell him no, he'll have gotten the message theoretically. Drew wouldn't have, but theoretically Joe would have. Okay, now here's the excuse, but I'm really interested, guy, but something really is going on this weekend. Hey, what the hell was her name? Sharon. Hey, Sharon, this is Virgin Joe. Hi, Joe. Hey.

23:41 Caller How are you?

23:42 Adam Wow, you sound like you're in a good mood. I am.

23:44 Caller It's good to hear from you.

23:45 Adam Oh. I was thinking about taking in that new Dolph Lundgren movie this weekend. Is that something?

23:51 Drew Oh, you know what? This weekend, I'm really busy.

23:53 I already have plans.

23:54 Adam Oh.

23:55 Drew Yeah. But how about some other time?

23:57 Adam Oh. You're busy Friday and Saturday. What about Sunday?

24:03 MXPX Yeah, that sounds perfect.

24:04 Adam Sunday is good.

24:04 Drew I'm totally open on Sunday.

24:05 Adam Oh, okay. There. See?

24:07 Drew It also would be whatever you want to do. It would be the follow up from her. Right. Whatever you're doing. I'm glad to join you.

24:13 Adam Right. Everyone just close your eyes and picture stuff you want to do and stuff you don't want to do and how you react to that. That's what you'll get. Thank you, Ann. The role of Sarah the Girlfriend was played by Ann, the producer. Joe. All right. Now, did you learn anything from that?

24:30 Caller Yeah.

24:31 Adam Thank you.

24:32 Caller Although, thank you for that. One thing I would say though is that it's like that second one. But also one thing you have to understand about me is that I'm very, like you said, not a lot of dates. So, you know, if a girl wants something, I'll give it to her. So I get, I think she's kind of taking on that. So she goes, hey, you want to do something tonight? I go, yeah, yeah. You know, let's go. And I'm just wondering if that, if that means she's...

24:54 Adam I don't know. Don't care.

24:55 Caller Let's show.

24:56 Adam Ask her out. And if she goes out...

24:58 Drew No, he's the van detailer.

25:00 Caller Yeah.

25:01 Adam He goes and asks her out on a date.

25:03 Drew Yeah.

25:03 Adam All right. And if she goes, great. And if she doesn't go, don't ask her again.

25:08 Drew But if she says, you know, we can go detail my van...

25:11 Adam Don't do it. You go on a date. All right?

25:14 Caller Right. Now, should I say, you want to go on a date or do you want to go out Saturday night?

25:18 Drew To dinner.

25:18 Caller Dinner?

25:19 Adam Yes. Say, do you want to go out Saturday night?

25:22 Drew Go out.

25:22 Adam Go out.

25:24 Drew With me.

25:25 Adam With Drew. Ask her if she wants to go out with Drew on Saturday night and in no uncertain terms.

25:33 MXPX All right?

25:34 Adam All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. MxPx has just entered the building. We'll chat with them when we come back. Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. MXPX has just entered the building. Mike, Tom, and Yuri are all in here. The ever-passing moment is the name of the new CD. We'll hear something off of that very, very shortly. And welcome back to the show, guys.

26:40 Caller Thank you.

26:41 Adam I was told that you guys were here in January, which is a pretty quick return by Loveline Standard.

26:47 Caller Very quick.

26:48 Adam And not a good sign for you guys, by the way. That's a bad omen.

26:52 Caller We gotta be back here.

26:54 Adam Most of the bands don't come back for three and four years, and then they can't remember the time they were here before that.

26:59 Caller It was fun, though.

27:00 Adam Yes. Well, good. Well, you guys are good guys, and we're glad to have you back. MxPx is going to be in San Francisco on the 28th. That's coming up this Thursday, and then Sacramento, the 29th, and then Salt Lake City, and then after that, you're going to have to go to Europe to find them. You guys have done European tours, right?

27:18 Caller Yeah, I've done a couple of them already.

27:21 Adam I asked this to all the bands that come out here, and maybe it's insulting, but I can't figure out whether everyone knows who you are in Europe, or you're going over there as a good American rock band, and you're going to turn them on to you, or like the first time you went to Europe. Were you playing shows where you had all MxPx fans in the audience?

27:44 Caller No, for sure, no.

27:45 Caller We opened for Bad Religion on the first tour, and it was like 10 or so people, I think, actually knew who they were.

27:52 Caller Yeah, right, exactly.

27:53 Caller But then by the end of the show, by the time we were done playing, it was like a little more people were into it.

27:58 Adam It was like 11. Yeah, 11 and 12. But did everyone who was there knew Bad Religion? Oh, yeah. And here's what I guess I'm asking, especially, I don't think as much for Europe, but like Japan. We have a lot of bands who come in here who say they're going to Japan the next day and I never really want to say it, although I end up saying it anyway. It's like, how do they know you in Japan? And when you have a show in Japan, are they all coming out to see you or are they just coming out to see American Rock? You know what I mean?

28:27 Caller Yeah. And actually in Japan, we do really well.

28:30 Adam So you do a show in Japan and they're so short that they can actually squeeze more people into the venues. Like where a venue that might hold 2,500 Texans could hold 4 million Japanese. It's great, Drew. You know about that? Fire Marshal turns his head.

28:49 Drew They stack them on top of each other.

28:50 Adam Oh, yeah. They stack them high wise. Yeah. So anyway, going to Europe and where in Europe?

28:57 Caller We're doing a lot of the UK, which is really cool because every time before, we played the Redding Festival a couple of years ago, and I really wanted to see a lot more of England because of our favorite bands are from that area, and it's just like history lesson for all of us, I think.

29:15 Adam You guys seem like intelligent enough guys to welcome it and drink it in and get something out of it. I mean, a lot of bands come in and they go, the food sucked, everyone was in a hole. We're glad to be back.

29:29 Caller The food is going to suck and you're going to McDonald's a lot, but to be over there where all those bands grew up and came into the room.

29:36 Adam What are some of the bands that come out of England that you appreciate?

29:39 Caller I mean, The Clash, The Who, Elvis Costello, The Beatles.

29:44 Caller For me, it's like The Cure and The Smiths are big fans of those bands.

29:48 Adam It's weird. I love all those bands too, especially Elvis Costello and The Who and The Clash. But when I think of bands like Led Zeppelin, I think of them as an American band. Like I don't think of them as English.

30:00 Caller Yeah, they're so huge over here.

30:02 Adam They're so huge over here and they all look American and they sound, their music sounds like it. I mean, I'm trying to think of what other English bands that I think are American, but I don't think of like Led Drew. You think of Led Zeppelin?

30:16 Drew I didn't know that till this moment.

30:17 Adam Oh, there you go, Drew.

30:18 Caller What about The Stones, Rolling Stones?

30:19 Caller Samantha Fox.

30:20 Caller Totally, you know.

30:23 Caller The Stones were just like deep into the blues. The Stones were so deep into the blues that they wanted to be American. It just happens that they lived over there.

30:30 Adam All right. Well, there's your little lesson, Drew. Led Zeppelin turns out from England.

30:34 Drew Didn't know that.

30:35 Adam Oh, yeah. We will jump on to the phones and speak to Jenny who's 19. Jenny?

30:42 Caller Hi. What's up? I got my nipple pierced a while ago, and I was wondering if I was going to have problems breastfeeding when I was older.

30:50 Drew It can make it a little tougher, but it doesn't impair it, doesn't prevent it.

30:54 Caller Okay. One of my friends said that it was going to be all blacked up, and I wasn't going to be able to breastfeed from the outside, but I wasn't sure.

31:02 Drew Very occasionally that can be an issue, but usually not.

31:05 Adam She doesn't have a nipple piercing, does she?

31:07 Caller She does.

31:08 Adam She does?

31:09 Drew She does.

31:09 Adam Did she have this experience?

31:11 Caller No, but she said that's what she had heard.

31:13 Adam Right.

31:14 Caller So I was a little nervous.

31:15 Adam And you just had one done?

31:17 Caller Yeah.

31:17 Adam How come just one?

31:19 Caller I didn't know how much it was going to hurt when I got it done, so I was like, I'll get one done, and if I really, really wanted, I'll get the other one done later on.

31:26 Adam Yeah. Did it hurt a lot?

31:27 Caller It wasn't that bad.

31:28 Adam What do they do to numb it? Do they just ice it?

31:31 Caller They put a clamp on, and then the clamp kind of numbed it, and then they put a needle through.

31:36 Adam I see.

31:36 Caller It was just like a really tiny sharp pain, and that was it.

31:39 Adam Does a guy do it or a girl do it?

31:41 Caller A guy.

31:41 Adam Great. That's great. That is a great gig. I can't understand the guys are doing the labia piercings and clitoral hood piercings and that kind of stuff. I imagine that gig.

31:53 Drew So to speak.

31:54 Adam Yeah. The great news is you don't have any 45-year-old saggy broads rolling in there with the punch slopping over the vagina and all that stuff. You have like nubile, young, crazy, heroin-addict women who are 19, like strippers and stuff, and you're getting paid and they probably tip you.

32:17 Caller Yeah.

32:17 Adam I bet they give you a tip.

32:19 Caller I was actually in the tattoo shop one time and this girl was getting her clit pierced and we all knew it. They close the drape and everything. We're just all sitting there talking. All of a sudden this girl is like, oh, just like, we're like, oh my gosh. Everyone's like, it's okay, it's okay. Everything's fine. And she just like, it turns out when she left, we got the scoop from the piercer. She was like, she like came or something. When I pierced her, it was insane. Oh really?

32:41 Adam I bet that happens because here's the deal too. Chicks that get the clitoral piercing are nuts and nutty chicks are the most sexual because God has a very cruel sense of humor. He makes all the really insane, he makes all the totally adjusted sane women frigid and he makes all the crazy psycho bitches incredible in the sack. And so I bet, and we've talked to women who can have an orgasm just driving over a speed bump in a van or something. So I bet they have, half of them have an orgasm in there. I think we should hear something from MxPx. What do you think, Drew?

33:13 Drew Sounds perfect.

33:13 Adam That's good. You love that part of the show, right, Drew?

33:15 Drew Yeah, I could go to the bathroom.

33:16 Adam Make phone call, go to the bathroom. Drew, do you keep a list of things to do when we're playing the band?

33:22 Drew No, those are number one, number two.

33:23 Adam All right. So you are going number two?

33:25 Drew No.

33:25 Adam I see. All right. This is from MxPx. This is off of the ever passing moment, the latest CD and this song is called Responsibility. Thank you. That is MxPx off of the ever-passing moment out in CDs.

36:13 Drew This could be your theme song, Adam.

36:14 Adam CD form in stores. Responsibility.

36:16 Drew I don't want to think about it.

36:17 Adam Thank you. All right. Let's hop back on the phones. Melissa?

36:23 Caller Hi.

36:23 Adam Sixteen?

36:24 Caller Yeah.

36:25 Adam What's up?

36:26 Caller Well, first I want to say hi to MxPx, one of my favorite bands.

36:29 MXPX Hello. Hi.

36:30 Drew How are you doing?

36:31 Caller Good. And you guys just really help me through a lot of stuff. And I thank you for that. And the new album is really, really good as well.

36:39 Drew Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate it.

36:40 Caller And Dr. Drew, I was wondering if you think that hypnosis and therapy can be helpful. Because we think I was abused at daycare when I was like three. But I don't remember it, so.

36:53 Drew I don't know that hypnosis is important. It's not so much resurrecting the memory as much as recreating or rather rewiring who you are in a relationship with somebody that you're closely involved with like a therapist. It will change you as you change in that relationship, as you grow in terms of your ability to express yourself and experience yourself in a therapeutic environment, you will change.

37:15 Adam Who's we when you say we think?

37:17 Caller Oh, my parents and me.

37:19 Adam Why do you think that?

37:21 Caller Well, we found out after they talked to me that the lady that ran it left me, left her two teenage sons in charge. And I came home one day with only underwear and my bottom was all red. And they said that I had gotten into salt and rubbed it on me.

37:39 Adam Your bottom was all red?

37:41 Drew Maybe they smacked you, but even that, I mean, obviously that's an awful thing.

37:43 Caller Yeah, and my personality, I guess, completely changed. I got, like, really withdrawn and I used to be, like, really happy and then, and now I'm clinically depressed, so.

37:53 Drew Anything else going on? Hold on.

37:54 Adam You mean all the 30 months you were on the planet before this incident, you were a happy-go-lucky, carefree individual, and then it all turned?

38:07 Caller Well, yeah. When you're at three, you have a personality.

38:10 Adam Yeah, not much, though.

38:11 I was happy.

38:12 Adam Well, what the hell do you know at three?

38:14 Drew But something happened.

38:15 Adam All right, something could have happened.

38:16 Drew I should get a post-traumatic stress reaction or something. But be that as it may, what's going on in your interpersonal world now? Can you have relationships with people?

38:24 Caller Well, I have family and friends, yeah.

38:26 Drew But no boyfriends or anything like that?

38:29 Adam Yeah. All right. I'm with Drew on the whole hypnosis thing. I think it's a waste of time. And why, by the way, getting in touch with something or going... First off, people have past life regressions all the time through hypnosis, which is nonsense. And what the hell does knowing it do for you?

38:48 Drew Right. Even...

38:49 Adam So you find out some guy named Craig when he was 16, goose you 12 years ago. Now what shape are you in?

38:56 Drew Yeah.

38:57 Adam Okay. So now you're really screwed. Just go to therapy if you're depressed.

39:01 Drew The fantasy is that, well, now you can deal with this as an adult. But you know what? When that kind of thing happens to you, you get stuck as a child. You got to grow out of that place anyway and re-experiencing that trauma doesn't do that.

39:11 Adam I'm laughing because Drew and I always laugh about the past life regressions because everyone turned out to be a king or a knight, or maybe a duke or something like that. Duke is sort of the low end of the past life regression scale. As it turns out, you led many troops into battle, that kind of stuff. No one clean the stables. If you really break it down, what percentage of people were actually ruling monarchy? Do you know what I'm saying? What was it? 50%? 75%? Or would you say it was almost nobody? Nobody. Everyone else was just some serf who died of black plague or something, right? There's what you did. You ate straw for about 30 years, and you keeled over, and a big thing of donkey crap. But nobody says that. Now, if somebody said, hey, I had a past life regression, what happened? I worked at an Arby's, and I was killed by a guy in a drive-thru window. This was in 1969. I'd be like, well, all right, now we're on to something. But when you start telling me you pulled the sword out of the rock and held it up above your head, now I ain't buying it because not everyone was nobility. Doesn't work. You tell me you shoveled some crap and I'm buying it.

40:26 Drew Even when it's not nobility, I was a Union soldier. I fell in the field of getting burned. Right.

40:33 Adam No one was shot in the ass hiding in a barn. You know what I mean? I mean, there's a certain amount of guys that were shot by their own troops. There's a certain amount of guys that were just hung by the army for cowardice and that kind of thing. Where are those people? Do they not have a past life?

40:52 Caller Even if you find something like that, who are you going to tell like, yeah, I was shot in the ass? You're not going to want to brag about that.

40:57 Adam Right. Now, and here's the other thing too. It's like, well, I was William the Conqueror. Okay, what are you doing now? I work for UPS. Okay, William. You drive the truck? No, not yet. Couple of years are going to give me a round. Oh, I see. He washes the trucks.

41:15 Drew I came back to this planet because I had unfinished business.

41:17 Adam Yeah, unfinished business. There's parcels that needed delivery. You wanted to wear some brown shorts. It's one unfinished business. Yeah. So you led a nation in battle several hundred years ago, and now you live in an apartment in Sherman Oaks. You got a cat that won't listen to you, and you got a mini fridge where a big one should be. I don't think so. I think these people, when they came back, would have tend to have done something slightly more important than whatever it is you're doing now.

41:43 Drew Or not come back.

41:44 Adam Or not come back. There you go. Thank you for that. MxPx is our guest tonight. We'll take ourselves a little break when we come back. Speaking of coming back, we'll talk to Raquel. 14, bisexual. Boyfriend is jealous of a girlfriend wants to know what the deal is. Maybe doing some gambling after this. Loveline, Adam Corolla here, Dr. Drew over there. MxPx there. MxPx there. Gina Lee Nolan will be in Tomorrow Night, one of just the, just one of the best looking women ever. She's really, really good looking.

42:51 Drew Is this somebody you're planning on dating, or are you just scared?

42:54 Adam Yeah, oh yeah. Well, stalking.

42:57 Drew What's the difference?

42:58 Adam I'll feather that into a dating.

42:59 Drew How did she come to us? How did, so to speak? How did, how did Gina Lee Nolan?

43:04 Adam Gina Lee Nolan?

43:05 Drew Yeah.

43:06 Adam How'd she, why?

43:06 Drew Was she referred by you?

43:08 Adam To this show?

43:08 Drew Yeah.

43:09 Adam No.

43:09 Caller We hooked it up, actually.

43:11 Adam Yeah, the MxPx guys did.

43:12 Drew I figured that.

43:13 Adam I never met her, I don't think. There's a new show called Sheena, Lord of the Jungle. Now, I don't know, what is Sheena? Is that Sheena, Lord of the Jungle or is it? It's a TV show.

43:25 Drew Oh, I see. Oh, I have a clear, I will write that.

43:26 Adam I'll grab my scratch pad here. So, it's a TV show, not a minstrel show? All right. Anne Spist. Okay. So, she'll be in here tomorrow, but you know her work from Baywatch and then of course Baywatch. That's enough.

43:41 Caller Baywatch Nights.

43:42 Adam Baywatch Nights. That's right. One of the greatest conversations I ever had was, was that with Alexandra Paul?

43:49 Drew Yeah. About, what's the name? Artistry?

43:53 Adam Yeah, David Hasselhoff.

43:54 Drew Commitment to his art.

43:55 Adam I said to her, Alexandra Paul was a short haired one without the boob job, who was on the Baywatch for like the first five seasons. And I said to her, I said, what's up with Hasselhoff? I mean, the guy, you know, he has a piece of Baywatch, it's the biggest show in the world. They sold a billion records in Europe. I mean, the guy is set. He is set financially a hundred times over. He has to be. I mean, he is in on, I mean, I don't know what percentage he's getting off of Baywatch, but that number must be astronomical, the kind of money he got and syndication and everything for that show. And she said, well, see, I said, why does he keep going? Why not just relax, just retire? I said, listen, he's an artist. He is a creator. He is in it for the art. He's not in it for the money. I said, listen, I saw a preview for Baywatch Nights the other day. Susquatch was chasing a dude under the pier. Do you understand me?

44:50 Caller Do you see the art in that?

44:54 Adam Susquatch is at the beach, everybody.

44:56 MXPX That's art.

44:58 Adam I was like, are you high? Susquatch at the beach.

45:03 Caller What the hell?

45:05 Adam It's like, yeah, it's like, and how about those clown paintings? How's that coming along for him? He's in it for the art.

45:12 Caller He's actually in a lot of velvet.

45:13 Adam Jesus Christ. Raquel?

45:16 Yeah.

45:17 Adam You're 14?

45:18 Caller Yeah.

45:19 Adam Yeah. What's up, baby?

45:20 Caller I'm bisexual and I have a boyfriend and a girlfriend. My boyfriend is extremely jealous of my girlfriend.

45:28 Drew Does that surprise you?

45:30 Caller No. Actually, he tells me this and actually, it does.

45:35 Adam How old is your boyfriend?

45:36 Drew Does that surprise you? No.

45:39 Adam Well, yeah. How old is he? He's fourteen?

45:44 Caller Yeah.

45:45 Adam Jesus Christ.

45:46 Caller What's this?

45:47 Adam Yeah. You know, my biggest dilemma was at fourteen is like, do I trade the Tonka truck for the wacky packs or not?

45:53 Caller I'm afraid that when I have a girlfriend.

45:54 Adam I got a bike girlfriend.

45:56 Caller Jesus Christ.

45:56 Caller How do you get the chain back on the bike?

45:58 Adam Right. Yeah. Yeah. Don't start at the bottom and get your finger out of the way if you start from the top. All right. Hold on, Raquel. We got a gamble on your past. Okay. All right. All right. For those of you who don't know how the gambling on this show works. Oh, Christ. I hope I put my. Oh, good. You guys got a dollar?

46:18 Caller I got to have something.

46:19 Caller We just say no more gambling.

46:21 Adam I've been winning lately, by the way, which I may have just jinxed myself. All right. You want to put the five out there and take the singles. All right. Here's the deal. We gamble on the past. What brought Raquel to where she is today? Fourteen bisexual chaotic relationships.

46:38 Caller The media.

46:39 Adam I'm going to go to the media.

46:39 Caller It's always the media.

46:41 Adam What went on in the family? Drew, there's nothing in my wallet that's worth you looking for.

46:45 Drew I'm just looking at this Holly Hills video membership card.

46:49 Adam Yeah.

46:49 Drew I think it's been worked.

46:51 Adam No, it hasn't. How dare you? No, there's a crazy Chinaman work in there and I can't talk to him, and especially with porn.

47:00 Ciao.

47:02 Adam Yubangus Ioannis, could you keep it down? Yubangus Ioannis, you look in the filth section. No, I don't go over there. I hit the blockbuster now.

47:16 Drew Wow. Blockbusters have-

47:18 Adam No, I don't write the hardcore there. I have enough stockpiled now.

47:21 Drew I see. I see.

47:22 Adam Outside of a bunker for that. But let's not digress here, Drew. Let's talk about Raquel. Who wants to go first? Should I go? Sure. All right. Bisexual had to have been tampered with a little bit. I'm going with a good tampered with by a woman. Young woman tampered with her. Could have done her this way. Yeah, because if her dad tampered with her, I don't think she'd go bisexual. But she's still in the dudes. Okay, I'm going tampered with a woman.

47:53 Drew That's a good one.

47:54 Adam Sexual tampering. Possibly a babysitter, teenage babysitter. Or a neighbor.

48:02 Caller Pick one.

48:03 Adam Oh, come on.

48:04 Drew Teenager, teenager.

48:06 Adam Teenage tampering.

48:07 Drew Not a peer.

48:08 Adam Go ahead and let me go teenage tampering. She was like four or five. Five or six. Sorry.

48:14 Caller Oh, I've got to go next?

48:15 Adam Yeah, Yuri, you're going next.

48:17 Caller Go for it. I'm sticking with the media. No, I'm not.

48:20 Caller Hey, it couldn't. It could be.

48:24 Caller I like your idea.

48:25 Adam Thank you.

48:25 Caller Well, I don't like it, but. Right. Yeah, it seems to me that, I mean, I don't know when, yeah, some sort of, some sort of tampering or something, some other person inflicted this upon her.

48:43 Adam All right, but when? And who? And what was the situation? I'll give you a multiple.

48:47 Caller Someone she trusted. Someone, a family member.

48:50 Adam This is going nowhere. A family member.

48:52 Caller I go next.

48:52 Adam Father.

48:53 Caller Mike's going.

48:53 Adam Father.

48:54 Caller You got one?

48:55 Adam Father, uncle.

48:56 Caller Kind of.

48:57 Adam You're going to say father, uncle?

48:58 Caller Go to them. I don't need you.

48:59 Adam No, Yuri, come on.

48:59 We got to commit here.

49:01 Adam Let's just say dad.

49:02 Caller Yeah, yeah, father.

49:03 Adam Okay, sexual abuse by dad. Go ahead.

49:05 Caller I liked yours, not like, but whatever.

49:08 MXPX The peer, though.

49:09 Caller I think it's got to be.

49:10 Adam You're going with peer.

49:11 Caller I'm going with a peer.

49:12 Drew What age?

49:14 MXPX How old is she?

49:14 Caller 14? I'd say like 13, 12.

49:17 Adam Oh, you're going recent history. You're going younger. Go seven or eight.

49:22 Caller All right, I'll go seven or eight.

49:22 Drew So another female?

49:24 Caller I'm saying someone else, maybe even a little older, but like a family friend.

49:29 Adam Wait a minute.

49:29 Drew Hold on. That was his though.

49:30 Caller That was yours.

49:31 Drew All right.

49:31 Adam Go peer.

49:32 Caller I'll go peer.

49:33 Drew Can I go with female, female peer?

49:35 Caller Yeah, go ahead, Mike.

49:36 Caller I was going to say, yeah, an older friend, maybe a couple of years older.

49:40 Drew Female.

49:41 Caller Female.

49:42 Drew Okay.

49:42 Adam Wait a minute. That's mine.

49:44 Caller Well, we're all just talking about yours. Well, you're talking about babies. So I got to choose something differently.

49:48 Adam Yeah. Well, okay. Here's what we got covered.

49:50 Caller We got odds. Can we go?

49:52 Adam Here's what we got.

49:53 Drew Dad.

49:54 Adam We got dad doing a little sexual tampering. I have an older teenager, like 13, 14-year-old babysitter, doing some tampering at about seven. And Mike, you don't have one, do you?

50:06 Caller I'll go right now with just friend experimentation.

50:11 Adam Tom, you're going peer like another seven-year-old.

50:13 Caller That's what I wanted to say.

50:14 Adam And so Mike, why don't you just go, you know what, Mike, smart money, alcoholic dad, not around, no sexual tampering.

50:21 Drew Throw a little physical abuse for that one too.

50:22 Adam That's what the smart money is.

50:23 Drew Wait, throw a little physical abuse for him too.

50:24 Adam Oh no, we got to take a break. Speaking of abuse, Drew, you got a long time to think about your answer. We'll be back with the end of the gambling after this.

50:33 Loveline, Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, we'll be right back.

51:18 Adam Hey, it's Loveline, Adam Corolla. Yeah, okay, I never quite get that timing right. MxPx is our guest tonight. The ever-passing moments, the name of CD, Mike, Tom, and Yuri are all here. And when we left off, we were going to do a little gambling on Raquel. Raquel? Yeah? Yeah, all right, stay there, baby. All right, Raquel is 14. She's bisexual. Her boyfriend is 14 and freaking out a little. And we've done some gambling. I just want to make sure a little recap. I got babysitter doing some goose and teenage babysitter, when she was six or seven. Yeah, I went female. I went female.

51:58 Caller I've got the latest bet over here.

52:00 Adam Yuri went with that dad, not a bad bet. Tom went with Pierre, another seven-year-old goose in there when she was seven. And Mike went with, what did Mike go with? Well, Mike, that's not a bad bet. Because here you get it two ways. One is maybe there was nothing. And two is maybe she won't admit to anything, in which case you win by default. So you go with nothing. Mike goes with the smart nothing money. And Drew?

52:29 Drew I'm getting the definite Pierre vibe with her too, but I think that's stuff she started doing after her brother or her brother's friend sexually abused her for a few years. What age? Six to eight.

52:42 Adam Six to eight. All righty. Raquel?

52:45 Caller Yeah.

52:45 Adam All right, what happened?

52:47 Caller Well, when I was, let's see, about two years ago, my mom started doing drugs. And let's see, I was forced to live with my dad, which might be one of the problems. And I really didn't want to because my mom's really cool. And since then, my dad's been kind of verbally abusive, actually really verbally abusive.

53:11 Adam All right. Let's go back further than that, though. When did your parents break up?

53:16 Caller When I was about six years old.

53:18 Adam Six. Okay. And anything happened to you?

53:22 Caller Not that I remember.

53:24 Adam Do you think anything happened to you?

53:26 Caller No.

53:26 Adam No. When did you lose your virginity?

53:30 Caller I haven't, actually, to a guy.

53:32 Adam Oh, you haven't?

53:33 Drew To a guy.

53:34 Adam To a guy. When's the first time you were with a woman?

53:38 Caller About six months ago.

53:40 Adam And no contact with any woman of any kind?

53:44 Drew Prior to that.

53:45 Adam At any age before that?

53:48 Caller No.

53:48 Adam No? No babysitter goose? Yeah, come on.

53:52 Caller No.

53:52 Drew Do you have a brother?

53:54 Caller No, I don't have a brother.

53:56 Adam No? No stepbrothers?

53:58 Caller No.

53:59 Adam No weird uncles?

53:59 Drew Why did your parents leave? Split, rather?

54:02 Caller Um, again, my dad was abusing, verbally abusing her.

54:07 Adam Alright. Dad alcoholic?

54:09 Caller No.

54:10 Adam No?

54:10 Drew He's not doing drugs? Usually mom is a drug addict, dad is an alcoholic or drug addict. He doesn't smoke pot regularly?

54:16 Caller No.

54:17 Adam So your dad doesn't do any drinking?

54:19 Caller Nope.

54:20 Adam And no drugs? And he's just a beer addict?

54:22 Drew But then he left, so that makes sense.

54:24 Adam And he left. And your mom got into drugs?

54:26 Caller Yeah.

54:27 Drew What drug is she into?

54:28 Caller Um, cocaine.

54:30 Adam And she just got into this recently?

54:32 Caller Actually, she got into it about two years ago, and then, um, she went into rehab and she's out now. And my stepdad's back in prison again, for like the fifth time now.

54:43 Adam Ah. Now we're warming up. When did they get married? Well, better yet, when did he come on the scene?

54:50 How old were you?

54:51 Caller I was about ten.

54:53 Adam I see. And what kind of guy is he?

54:56 Caller Actually, he's really nice.

54:57 Adam That's a good guy.

54:58 Drew What's he in prison for?

54:59 Caller Huh?

54:59 Drew What's he in prison for?

55:01 Caller Parole.

55:02 Drew Parole violation.

55:03 Adam I see. Yeah, of course.

55:05 Drew Yeah, of course.

55:05 Adam Is some guy just born out on parole?

55:08 Drew Most people are issued that parole at birth.

55:09 Adam You're issued parole when you leave the hospital?

55:11 Drew We get the reverse certificate of parole.

55:12 Adam All right. So then you step out of line, you're violated.

55:14 Drew Parole violation, yeah.

55:15 Adam That happened to me once. I left the county, and I was pulled over by a state trooper. It turned out to be a parole violation. I didn't know I was on parole.

55:21 I had never done anything wrong.

55:24 Drew Yeah.

55:24 Adam I remember once, Drew, you said me on vacation when I went to Hawaii. You got stopped at the airport in Honolulu.

55:29 Drew You heard about that?

55:30 Adam Yes. Turned out parole violation.

55:32 Drew How dare you?

55:33 Adam That's what I read in the papers, Drew, parole violation. Hey, Raquel.

55:38 Caller Yeah.

55:38 Adam I know this sounds like a stupid question, but he must have done something to get on parole, right?

55:43 Caller Yes.

55:43 Adam Okay. Anyway, what did he do to get on parole?

55:49 Caller He robbed a few restaurants. There you go.

55:53 Adam Now stealing food or? Oh, money. Yeah, he's no idea. Yeah, then you use that money to buy food and stereo equipment. Yeah, you don't just steal like a pancake mix and that kind of stuff.

56:02 Drew He wasn't stealing for drugs?

56:04 Caller Yeah, he stole for drugs.

56:05 Drew Oh, imagine that.

56:06 Caller He was on heroin.

56:08 Adam I see. Now he's going back to the Clink for what he did to violate his parole.

56:15 Caller They were searching the house and his roommate had a gun. I guess he wasn't supposed to have a gun. They're blaming it. He knew it. It was there and stuff.

56:27 Adam Okay. So your mom is a real piece of work though, right? Yeah, I mean, she's, you know, getting in the coke at a sort of later part of life and she's remarried a guy who's basically I mean, I picture them getting married while a car is chasing them shooting at them. Actually, yeah, was he returning fire while they were trying to while they were getting married?

56:52 Caller Yeah, that's in the prison.

56:55 Drew And he never did anything to you?

56:57 Caller No.

56:57 Drew Did any of his friends ever do anything to you?

57:00 Adam You sure?

57:00 Drew Do you remember what happened to you prior to the age of 10?

57:03 Caller Huh?

57:03 Drew Do you remember your life prior to the age of 10? Do you have good memories?

57:06 Caller Yeah.

57:07 Adam Okay. All right. Well, let's just say on this one, even though we could probably dig around and find something, that there's no overt abuse, but that growing up in an environment where dad is physically verbally abusive and mom is into drugs and mom hooks up with a heroin addict who's going into prison, back and forth to prison, that's enough to sort of destabilize you to create an alternative lifestyle for you at the tender age of 14.

57:36 Drew Just sexualize your feelings. And so the only way you experience yourself and the only way you gratify yourself is through various kinds of sexual behaviors. All right.

57:44 Adam So Raquel.

57:45 Caller Yeah.

57:46 Adam All right. Can you slow down a little bit?

57:50 Caller Yeah, I can try.

57:52 Adam You know what I mean? I mean, you understand you've been through a lot.

57:55 Caller Yeah.

57:55 Adam And you're kind of searching out things. But what you're doing in reality is just kind of making things more complicated. And maybe you need to be 14 and just kind of go to school and mellow out a little bit. And you see, here's the problem. You're 14 now and you're sort of well on your way. By the time you're 17 or 18, things aren't going to be looking too good for you. Don't you want to go off to college and have a good life and do all that stuff that everyone else does? You know what I mean? Could you not get pregnant, please? Please.

58:24 Caller Yeah.

58:24 Adam Do you think you could do that?

58:26 Caller Yeah.

58:27 Adam Do you have any brothers or sisters?

58:29 Caller I have a sister and then my mom is eight months pregnant.

58:34 Drew How old is your mom?

58:35 Caller She is 33.

58:37 Adam How old's your sister? When I am in charge, I am going to sterilize Raquel and the younger sister.

58:46 Drew And mom.

58:46 Adam Oh, and mom. Right. Not in that order.

58:50 Drew And dad.

58:50 Adam Okay. Raquel? Yes? This whole bisexual lifestyle, maybe it is something that you are into, maybe it is not, but can you just put things on hold for a few years and be kind of normal and be a good example for your younger sister and all that stuff?

59:04 Caller Okay.

59:05 Adam How about finding Jesus Christ?

59:07 Caller Okay.

59:08 Adam Yeah. When you go to visit your stepdad, you can find Jesus Christ because he is in prison. That is where everyone finds him. I do not know if he lives there or he visits there or what goes on, but that is where everyone seems to find him.

59:18 Caller Okay.

59:19 Adam All right. All right, Raquel?

59:21 Caller Yes?

59:21 Adam All right. No one won any money off you. Well, who did win the money? Mike?

59:26 Caller Mike.

59:26 Adam Mike won with nothing?

59:27 Caller Yeah. That is the closest. Mike is $500 richer.

59:29 Adam That is as much nothing as I have ever heard.

59:31 Caller Wow.

59:32 Adam Bingo. Yeah.

59:34 All right. Yeah.

59:35 Adam You got your money. Enjoy. Enjoy. Because that five bucks ain't going to get you far.

59:41 Caller What am I going to do with this?

59:43 Adam Caesar?

59:44 Yeah.

59:44 Adam You're 19?

59:45 Caller Yeah.

59:46 Adam What's up?

59:46 Caller Hey, I just wanted to say what's up to MxPx. Hey, Tom, Mike, and Yuri.

59:51 Hey, what's up, Caesar?

59:52 Caller Hey, I'm a big fan and I've noticed that you do a lot of European tours. And I was wondering that after you finish this one that goes through, like, I think October, if you're going to come back to the US and play any shows in California.

1:00:07 Adam Where are you calling from?

1:00:08 Caller From Los Angeles.

1:00:10 Caller That's a good question. We don't really know yet.

1:00:12 Caller It's kind of up in the air right now.

1:00:13 Caller Oh, right. Well, because I never really had a chance to see you live and I'd like to, so I just...

1:00:20 Caller We will play here again. It's just a matter of when.

1:00:23 Caller Yeah. Check out mxpx.com. Yeah.

1:00:25 Caller I've been doing that. I missed the one in San Bernardino on, I think it was Monday.

1:00:31 Caller Yeah. Monday would be right.

1:00:32 Caller Yeah. So.

1:00:33 Adam Well, why did you miss that one?

1:00:35 Caller Because I didn't check the website till today.

1:00:37 Adam All right. Well, you snooze, you lose.

1:00:40 Caller But I bought some stuff off your site.

1:00:42 Caller Oh, thank you very much.

1:00:43 Adam What did you buy?

1:00:44 Caller So a shirt, some buttons and a sticker.

1:00:47 Adam Wow. You know, that stuff all cost them a nickel to manufacture. Yeah.

1:00:52 Caller We have a couple of sweat shops.

1:00:54 Adam Yeah.

1:00:55 Caller Well, it's the only place where I found the stuff that I liked.

1:00:57 Caller No, it's cool. Thank you. We appreciate it.

1:00:59 Adam Thanks, Caesar.

1:01:00 Caller All right.

1:01:00 Adam They'll check the website. It's mxpx.com. Is that it?

1:01:04 Caller Yeah.

1:01:04 Adam And they'll be back in town soon and hungry for some American fans and some American food.

1:01:09 Caller All right. Thanks very much.

1:01:10 Adam All right, Caesar. Raven.

1:01:13 Caller Yeah.

1:01:14 Adam This is Snowman. What's going on?

1:01:17 Caller Okay. I want to know if there's a day in the month where you can't get pregnant because people have been telling me that and I want to know if it's true.

1:01:23 Drew There are many days in the month when you can't get pregnant. The problem is you just don't know when those days are.

1:01:28 Adam Right. Only me and Drew know.

1:01:29 Caller How can I find out?

1:01:30 Drew You can't.

1:01:31 Caller I can't.

1:01:32 Drew Not reliably.

1:01:33 Adam Well, can't you take your basic thermometer temperature or something?

1:01:37 Drew You can do that. That's one way to perhaps reduce the risk that you're going to be ovulating.

1:01:40 Adam Basal or basic?

1:01:42 Drew Basal. Body temperature. Right.

1:01:44 Adam Hey, Raven?

1:01:45 Drew Yeah.

1:01:46 Adam Why can't you just get on some birth control?

1:01:48 Caller Well, I don't know how to do that without my parents knowing.

1:01:51 Drew Any doctor, any Planned Parenthood, any whatever you want.

1:01:55 Adam You got a boyfriend?

1:01:56 Caller Yeah.

1:01:57 Adam So you want to get on the pill?

1:01:58 Caller Yeah.

1:01:59 Adam Go down to Planned Parenthood.

1:02:02 Drew Your parents, it's all confidential.

1:02:04 Caller It is?

1:02:04 Drew Yeah.

1:02:06 Adam Can you do that?

1:02:07 Caller Okay. Can you guys like give me a number or something?

1:02:09 Drew 800-230.

1:02:11 Caller 230?

1:02:12 Drew Plan. P-L-A-N.

1:02:14 Caller Okay.

1:02:14 Drew All right.

1:02:15 Adam You got that?

1:02:15 Caller Yeah.

1:02:16 Adam All right there.

1:02:16 Caller Bye.

1:02:17 Adam All right. Jared.

1:02:21 What's up?

1:02:21 Adam You're 18. How's it going?

1:02:23 Caller Yeah. I'm doing good tonight.

1:02:24 Adam Good.

1:02:25 Caller I had a quick question for MxPx.

1:02:29 Adam Here they are.

1:02:29 Caller All right. First of all, I'd like to say you guys kicked total booty. I've been with you guys for like six years and I'm just totally amazed at how you guys continued to just grow. I'm a musician myself and I was just wondering what kind of advice you could give to someone like me. Yeah.

1:02:45 Caller How old are you?

1:02:46 Caller I'm 18.

1:02:47 Caller 18? Still in high school?

1:02:48 Caller Yeah.

1:02:49 Adam No, no, no.

1:02:49 Caller I just graduated. You just graduated.

1:02:51 Adam Are you in a band?

1:02:52 Caller Yeah, I'm in a band. We're called Set Apart and we play little shows here and there.

1:02:57 Caller How long have you been playing your instrument?

1:02:59 Caller I've been playing for about four years, but just recently our band decided to go a new way and we got two new guitars and I just sing now.

1:03:08 Caller Okay.

1:03:10 Adam Do you have an original tune you want to give us? Yeah, play us some.

1:03:14 Caller Can you sing some to us?

1:03:16 Adam Do you have a guitar there, Jared?

1:03:17 Caller Do I have a guitar here?

1:03:18 Adam Yeah. That's a Taboo II theme song. Do you know the Taboo II theme song?

1:03:23 Caller No.

1:03:24 Adam It's called He Has It All. Yes, he does.

1:03:26 Caller I'll go and learn it.

1:03:27 Adam Yeah, you could cover that one. All right. He has it all. Yes, he does. Come on. They don't write lyrics like that anymore. Jared, why don't you do a little something from your original song repertoire? Really? Yeah.

1:03:44 Caller I don't know if it's even worthy of...

1:03:46 Adam Oh, it is. Do you got a guitar there?

1:03:48 Caller To give proper advice, we need to see what you're doing.

1:03:50 Caller Do you want me to lay down the phone and just play it?

1:03:54 Caller We had a guy in New Zealand do that for us. You can do it.

1:03:56 Caller Just do a couple lines. You don't have to do the whole thing.

1:04:01 Caller Let me think. I only have an electric guitar.

1:04:04 Adam What do you have?

1:04:05 Caller I only have my electric.

1:04:06 Adam Well, that's good. Go for it. Break it up.

1:04:07 Let me think about it.

1:04:09 Adam Hey, Jared.

1:04:10 Caller Yeah.

1:04:11 Adam You want me to put you on hold for one caller and let you get set up and get your wits about you, and then we'll get back to you?

1:04:16 MXPX Sure.

1:04:16 Caller That would be great.

1:04:17 Adam All right. Get set up and I'll come back to you in like three minutes.

1:04:20 MXPX All right.

1:04:20 Caller Thanks.

1:04:20 Adam All right. There you go. That's got a lot of charisma. Kid's got a good look. I don't know if they even do this anymore, but when they advertise for a guy like they want a band member, they need a new bass player, and they write an important have a sharp look or something like that. To me, that always seems like a red flag has been raised for the band.

1:04:45 Drew How the Mr. Concade would say at the Partridge family.

1:04:48 Adam Right. Yeah. You need a good look. And then when they, and they always do this too. And it always drives me nuts when they, when they give you the range of the band. Like we do everything from, from Hendrix to Al Jolson or something. And you go, well, what's that mean? I mean, that doesn't mean anything. Just say everything. It's like those, those, you ever read like some bottle on like some glass cleaner and it goes, works on glass, metal, tile, ceramic, and then it says everything. And I figure myself, why the f am I reading what it worked? Just put the everything at the goddamn top. I wouldn't have to go through all the list of things that it does and everything.

1:05:31 Drew All right.

1:05:31 Adam You know what I was thinking about today too, Drew, while I was driving around?

1:05:34 Drew Thinking?

1:05:34 Adam You know the Bible? You know the Bible when it-

1:05:37 Drew Yeah, I know the Bible.

1:05:37 Adam Yeah. You know when I go, it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?

1:05:41 Drew Right.

1:05:41 Adam I just go rain for 40 days. We get the message, never stop raining. You know what I mean? And 49. Like as if we think, well, as long as it cleared up at night and things had a chance to drain, there shouldn't be a problem.

1:05:55 Caller They were looking for a way to make the book a little bit longer.

1:05:57 Adam Yeah. The guys who wrote the Bible, like when you wrote that report, it needed to be 11 pages. You had like the cover page, the table of contact, your sources, you're writing a huge bold print. Yeah. I think they were just killing it. I don't know what the Bible is, but they could get it down to like a pamphlet type size. It doesn't need to be that big.

1:06:18 Caller Well, they do, but...

1:06:20 MXPX Oh, they try.

1:06:21 Adam Yeah. They could whittle it down. All right. Should we get back to Jared? No?

1:06:27 Drew You don't think he's ready? One call. One call, then Jared.

1:06:30 Adam Well, is that him? Let me ask Jared how it's going. Jared? Yeah. How's it going?

1:06:34 Caller It's going good.

1:06:36 Adam Are you set up?

1:06:37 Caller Yeah, I guess so.

1:06:38 Adam Are you? You want a little more time?

1:06:39 Caller No, I'm set.

1:06:40 Adam Okay.

1:06:41 Caller Do it up. There might be some Talent Scouts listening.

1:06:44 Adam What's this song called?

1:06:45 Caller It's called Another Punk Rock Love Song.

1:06:47 Adam Great.

1:06:48 Caller And I guess I'll just play the little intro. Yeah.

1:06:52 Caller All right. I'll try this really fast.

1:06:55 Adam All right. Listen, when you pick up the phone, if we're not here, that means we're going to like it. Folks are sleeping in the next room. Oh, Christ. To the neck.

1:07:21 Caller It's our intro.

1:07:24 Adam Wow, that's good.

1:07:25 Caller New monochords.

1:07:26 Adam And listen, Jared, I know stuff doesn't translate the best over the phone and into the radio and all that, but here's why I know you're going places. Because you put the phone down, you didn't argue with us, you got the guitar out, you started playing, and that's what you need. And I just want you to make this promise to me, Jared. If you guys ever get successful enough and you play enough gigs and you wind up on Loveline, and I'm still here, I want you to shoot me. Could you do that?

1:07:55 Caller Yeah.

1:07:56 Adam Okay. You sounded good. And there's no advice, is there? Just play, right?

1:08:00 Caller Yeah.

1:08:01 Caller Play, write good songs, and if they're not good enough, write more good songs. Practice a lot. Practice.

1:08:06 Caller All right.

1:08:07 Caller And definitely just have fun. That's the main thing. If you don't like what you're doing, then why do it?

1:08:12 Caller Yeah, exactly.

1:08:12 Adam All right, Jared.

1:08:13 Caller Hey, can I ask you guys one last question?

1:08:16 Adam Go ahead.

1:08:16 Caller On Thursday night, you guys are playing in San Francisco, and my friend Kendall and I are driving like four and a half hours up there. And I was just wondering if maybe you guys could play like a special song or something or you guys not do that.

1:08:27 Caller What's that? What song?

1:08:29 Let's see.

1:08:31 Drew My Life Story. I play My Life Story.

1:08:34 Caller We'll do that for you.

1:08:35 Drew My Life Story will be played for you.

1:08:36 Caller All right. Will you throw that out to me?

1:08:38 Caller We're going to dedicate the whole set to you.

1:08:39 Caller Really?

1:08:40 Adam Yep.

1:08:40 Caller That is amazing. That's a dream come true.

1:08:44 Adam Yep.

1:08:45 MXPX Do you actually have tickets though, man?

1:08:46 Caller Huh?

1:08:47 Caller Do you actually have tickets? Because it's a small show.

1:08:49 Caller Yeah.

1:08:49 Caller All right.

1:08:49 Caller Okay, good.

1:08:50 Caller Is it good?

1:08:51 Caller Yeah.

1:08:51 Caller All right, Jared.

1:08:51 Adam So when they do My Life Story, you know they're doing that for Jared.

1:08:56 Drew Even if they're so caught up in the music that they don't actually say it.

1:08:59 Caller There you go. Yeah.

1:09:00 Adam But they'll be thinking.

1:09:01 Caller We'll put it on our teleprompters.

1:09:03 Caller Right. All right.

1:09:04 Adam Speaking of My Life Story, here it is. We're just going to pop in the guinea.

1:11:52 Caller We need some clarification. Any GIO majors?

1:11:55 Adam None of our stoners are going to know this one. But it's funny when they put stuff together, like the actress, singer that most of our listeners will know, Pia Zadora.

1:12:08 Drew Oh my God.

1:12:08 Adam Yeah.

1:12:09 Drew Remember Pia Zadora? She was on this show years ago.

1:12:11 Adam Oh, she was?

1:12:11 Drew Years ago.

1:12:12 Adam Oh, man. She was hot in the late 70s, early 80s.

1:12:17 Drew Yeah, early 80s.

1:12:19 Adam Now, her name is Pia, I guess P-I-A, and then her last name is Zadora.

1:12:24 Drew Right. Her husband was a rich guy that sort of...

1:12:27 Adam But when you say her name and you just hear her name said, you never see it read, it sounds like Pia Zadora.

1:12:32 Drew Right.

1:12:32 Caller Yeah.

1:12:33 Adam So it sounds like her first name is P and her last name is Zadora.

1:12:36 Caller Or it's just one, it's like Madonna, Pia Zadora.

1:12:39 Adam Right. Pia Zadora. Thank you very much. All right. That made no sense to all of you.

1:12:43 Drew But we'll be back with an XP.

1:12:44 Adam I'll do my Tom Boone impersonation again.

1:12:46 Drew Oh, no. Just flip on over to Minka. It's more entertaining.

1:12:50 Adam Minka and Tom are the same.

1:12:51 Drew They are the same, but Minka is somehow a happier thought.

1:12:54 Adam You see that Ferrari in driveway? That's my toy. I'm number one, Oriental Big Boob Queen. You guys know Minka? You don't enjoy the ladies? I don't know. The pornography? You don't like the big boob Asian porn? No? Obviously, no. You don't know makeup? All right, we'll take a break. MxPx is here and we'll be back after this.

1:13:21 Drew Hello, who is this?

1:13:22 Caller This is Loveline, one and every love 191.

1:13:25 MXPX Loveline will be right back.

1:13:49 Adam Hey, Loveline. Adam Corolla is Dr. Drew. Mike, Tom, and Yuri are all here from MxPx. The Ever-Passing Moment is the name of the current CD. It will be in San Francisco on Thursday, and then Sacramento, and then Salt Lake City, and then it's Europe. So if you want to catch them here stateside, you got to do it in the next five days or so. All right, Gina Lee Nolan will be in here tomorrow night to talk about whatever she wants to talk about. She's that good looking. And we'll hop back on the phones and speak to Arlene. Arlene?

1:14:25 Caller Hello?

1:14:25 Adam You're 23.

1:14:26 Caller Yeah.

1:14:27 Adam What's up?

1:14:29 Caller Well, I kind of had a question for Dr. Drew.

1:14:31 Drew Yeah, Arlene, what's up?

1:14:33 Caller Last couple of years, I've been in and out of counseling. Right. And I've been out of it for probably the last five, six months. And it's been getting really bad again.

1:14:45 Drew What has?

1:14:47 Caller Just the way I've been feeling.

1:14:49 Drew Which is what?

1:14:50 Caller Well, it seems like it's for no reason at all. But I don't know, I just won't sleep at night. I eat like one meal a day. You know, I'm unsure of everything I'm doing.

1:15:05 Drew So you're feeling depressed?

1:15:06 Caller Yeah.

1:15:06 Drew Have you been on medication for depression?

1:15:08 Caller Yeah, a couple of times. I was on Zola for six months.

1:15:11 Drew And why don't you get back on some medicine then?

1:15:16 Caller Well, the guy I'm kind of seeing right now is trying to get me to go to the doctor. But I'm just afraid to for some reason.

1:15:23 Drew What do you think is going to happen?

1:15:24 Adam Yeah, he might feel better.

1:15:26 Caller Well, I've done it before, but...

1:15:29 Drew And you felt better?

1:15:30 Adam Oh, what the hell was that?

1:15:32 Caller My phone's getting ready to get to the doctor.

1:15:34 Adam Oh boy, now you're really depressed. And you've been on hold for 104 minutes. That is depressing.

1:15:40 Caller Yeah, well, I mean, it's gotten so bad that the last couple days...

1:15:43 Adam Jesus Christ, now I'm getting depressed.

1:15:45 Drew But you felt better before on the medicines, right?

1:15:47 Caller No.

1:15:48 Drew You didn't feel better?

1:15:48 Caller Nothing's ever worked.

1:15:49 Drew Nothing's ever worked.

1:15:50 Adam All right, hey listen, Arlene. You've got to go back and get on some meds or get some counseling. Whatever it is, that's going to help it.

1:15:59 Caller I don't know how to go about finding a good doctor.

1:16:01 Drew Didn't you say you're seeing somebody now?

1:16:03 Caller No, I'm not seeing anybody.

1:16:04 Adam It's been some months.

1:16:05 Drew Do you have any kind of doctor relationship?

1:16:07 Caller No, I don't have any insurance or anything. I don't have money.

1:16:10 Drew Then if there's a teaching hospital or a county hospital, you go to their mental health services and you go.

1:16:15 Adam Their college nearby?

1:16:17 Caller I was in school.

1:16:19 Adam Not for you, but for other people to help you.

1:16:23 Drew No, no medical school. Where do you live?

1:16:26 Caller I live in Northwest Indiana.

1:16:28 Adam Oh yeah, they got Northwestern University out there, the Fighting Badger.

1:16:34 Caller How far are you from Chicago?

1:16:35 Caller About 45 minutes.

1:16:37 Adam Alright, why don't you go into Chicago and throw yourself on the mercy of the city. Well, not the entire city, but what I mean is just go in there, find a hospital or a college, find a county run or a teaching. Teaching hospital. Oh, for Christ's sake. Did you go to County USC, Drew?

1:16:53 Drew I trained there, yeah.

1:16:54 Adam Holy Christ, I went in there like two times. I was about ready to kill myself out in the parking lot.

1:16:59 Drew You have to dedicate your day to waiting in line.

1:17:01 Adam Oh my God, my God. You guys ever went to a county hospital? Not having health insurance is bad times.

1:17:09 Drew But the care is good at those facilities.

1:17:11 Adam It is?

1:17:11 Drew Yeah, it's just cumbersome.

1:17:14 Adam Well, what do you mean cumbersome?

1:17:15 Drew It's not convenient.

1:17:17 Adam Oh, no, it is not. No. Well, first off, you sit in a room with basically like hobo transvestites that are projectile vomiting out. You know, syringes are flying out of people's mouths while you're sitting there. You know, I mean, you're in with the dregs of society. I mean, it is frightening. I mean, really, everyone there is just, you know, it's junkies drag themselves in off the street have been run over by blue rail trains, you know, and that's who you sit next to. And they see them before they see you because you're not in nearly as bad a shape as those guys are.

1:17:52 Drew And you're not just talking about a couple people.

1:17:54 Adam No, no. Let me tell you, this is like, yeah, County USC, it would be like, well, it would be the hospital equivalent to a sewer drain. You know what I mean? Everyone just gets washed into it. Everyone who's not on high ground just gets washed down into that place. And so you could probably get hepatitis just sitting in the waiting room, you know, like you walk in with a twisted ankle, you walk out with a scurvy. Right, Drew? That's right.

1:18:26 Drew I don't know about vitamin deficiency.

1:18:28 Adam You sit there. I had this dude suck all the vitamin C out of my body while I was sitting next to him. And you're sitting there, guys are like, you know, guys are bleeding and vomiting and you just sit amongst them. And then seven and a half hours later, you go down and they take a look at you. And by then you're hoping it's something. It's like I was like, I went in there going, well, I got a really bad sprain on my ankle. I mean, it's really bad. I think the size of a football. I hope it's not broken, was the feeling I had on the way into the hospital. Then at hour number seven, I go, I hope the goddamn bone is sticking out through my heel. I want something better be broken. Yeah, I want to go. I'm going to be rushed into the ER right now because I'm not sitting here seven hours for a sprain. I don't want to tell them to stay.

1:19:16 Drew Also, you feel like a pussy after seeing all the stuff that really goes on. What the hell am I doing here? A lot of people go home and they get intimidated by what's going on.

1:19:23 Adam I take my honky ass and hobble right out of that place. I know. So yeah, there it was. And then I got a bill like six months later. But you know, the good news is you don't have to pay it. They send you a bill and it's kind of funny. It's like, hey, you think if you got some extra money you might want to send it our way because that ace bandage, that's $108. You know, and you go, no, I don't want to pay it. They go, okay, sorry. So it is, you can't argue with the price over there. Sam, you're 20. Wait a minute, Drew. I was there when I was like 23 or 22 or 23. So we're talking about like 13 years ago. Yeah, 13 years.

1:20:08 Drew Where were you?

1:20:08 Adam You think you're around there?

1:20:09 Drew I was 14 years ago.

1:20:11 Adam Oh, really? Could have been, could have been.

1:20:13 Drew But I was up in the medical ward.

1:20:15 Adam Well, yeah, no, dude, I remember you.

1:20:18 Drew You're the sprained ankle.

1:20:19 Adam I saw your ass when you were getting in the elevator.

1:20:21 Drew Your hair was longer.

1:20:21 Adam Yeah, I knew we would work together one day. Sam?

1:20:25 Yes.

1:20:26 Adam Yeah, sorry. What's up?

1:20:27 Dr. Drew, this question is for you.

1:20:31 Caller I am just wondering if you can get pregnant by somebody coming in your butthole.

1:20:37 Adam Well, no. If it's special.

1:20:41 Caller No, I'm serious, though.

1:20:43 Drew How do you figure that might happen?

1:20:47 Caller Anal sex with somebody in the leg.

1:20:49 Drew Hold on.

1:20:49 Adam Let me grab a pad. Anal sex. That's the way they would come in your buttholes?

1:20:54 Caller Well, yeah.

1:20:55 Adam Right. It wouldn't be a situation where they just shot it at you from across the street or something.

1:21:02 Drew But Sam, I just want to clarify what you're questioning.

1:21:07 MXPX Okay. My question is...

1:21:08 Drew I understand what the circumstance is, but I understand how the sperm would get from your colon to your uterus.

1:21:14 No. No.

1:21:15 Drew Well, are you worried about sort of a drip factor or something on your hands or something like that? No.

1:21:19 Adam No.

1:21:20 Drew You just think inside your body that there's some connection.

1:21:25 Adam Yeah.

1:21:25 Drew If you believe that connection is there, you should not be having any kind of sex.

1:21:30 Adam Are you in junior college right now?

1:21:32 No.

1:21:32 Adam They kicked you out?

1:21:33 Caller No.

1:21:34 No, they didn't.

1:21:35 Adam Did you go to junior college? Are you hoping to go to junior college?

1:21:38 MXPX No.

1:21:40 Well, yeah.

1:21:40 Adam You are? Yeah.

1:21:41 Drew Did you finish high school?

1:21:42 Adam Yeah. You're aspiring to go to junior college?

1:21:45 I'm going to go.

1:21:46 Adam You're going to go? Yes. I knew there was something about junior college in either future or not too distant future.

1:21:53 Adam, shut up.

1:21:54 Caller All right.

1:21:56 Adam All right. So and what about your mouth? What about orally?

1:21:59 Caller I'm not worried about that.

1:22:01 I already am.

1:22:02 Caller I'm the only thing I'm worried about.

1:22:03 Drew But you understand that oral sex would not result in a pregnancy?

1:22:06 Caller Yeah.

1:22:06 Adam Do you understand that?

1:22:07 Caller Yeah.

1:22:08 Adam And what about nasally? What about through the nose? There be something? Is there a possibility there?

1:22:15 Caller A few.

1:22:16 Drew All right. But listen.

1:22:17 Adam What do you think the kid would look like if you got pregnant from an anal sex?

1:22:21 If I could smack you, I would.

1:22:24 Adam What would the kid look like? A dirt flame log or something?

1:22:29 Caller I think the moral of the story here is no.

1:22:32 Drew A Gumby character or something?

1:22:33 Adam Yeah.

1:22:34 Drew But listen, is Sam...

1:22:36 Adam Then where would he come out? I guess is my main question.

1:22:39 No.

1:22:39 Adam Okay.

1:22:40 No is the answer.

1:22:41 Drew Okay.

1:22:41 Adam So it's no.

1:22:42 Drew But brings new meaning to dropping the kids off at the pool. Sam, but do you do want to keep sperm away from that area, right? Because even though it might not be a direct hit, stuff can get in, you know what I'm saying? Be careful. And if you're engaged in sexual activity, how about at least keeping the morning after pillow around and preferably getting on the pill?

1:23:01 Adam Yeah.

1:23:02 Drew Right?

1:23:02 Okay.

1:23:03 Adam All right. What are you doing when you have the regular kind of sex? The kind that God recognizes?

1:23:08 What am I doing?

1:23:09 Adam Well, I mean, for protection.

1:23:11 Caller Oh, I have the dupe of that.

1:23:14 Drew Oh, good. All right. So you're not going to get pregnant.

1:23:16 Adam Who got you onto that?

1:23:19 Caller My doctor.

1:23:19 Drew Good for you.

1:23:20 Adam Good.

1:23:20 Drew See?

1:23:21 Caller Yeah.

1:23:21 Drew Way to go.

1:23:22 Caller Yeah.

1:23:23 Drew Excellent.

1:23:23 Adam Very good.

1:23:24 Drew You don't have to worry about pregnancy.

1:23:25 Adam The doctor is a genius.

1:23:26 Caller Okay.

1:23:27 Adam Yeah.

1:23:27 Drew You know, most of the decrease in teen pregnancy in this country is due to the use, more regular use of the sustained contraceptions like Depo-Provera.

1:23:34 Adam Yeah. I think the doc sized her up, figured out we didn't want any little Sam's running around.

1:23:40 Caller She's 20 and she thinks she's not.

1:23:43 Adam Putting butter knives into light sockets and things like that. So we better just shoot her up at the depo. This guy's a genius. This guy's a hero. These are the kinds of guys I want. That's fine with me.

1:23:55 Caller All right.

1:23:55 Drew I'm just still thinking about Sam Jr. Where do babies come from?

1:24:01 MXPX Your ass.

1:24:05 Drew Where did you come from?

1:24:08 Adam Most come from the vagina, but you, you're special.

1:24:16 Caller Okay.

1:24:17 Adam See what's in your diaper? That's your little brother. That was a miscarriage.

1:24:22 Caller Unacceptable.

1:24:26 Adam So like diarrhea would be a miscarriage. All right. Adam, you got a question for MxPx?

1:24:35 Caller Yeah.

1:24:36 Adam All right. Well, we're running a little late for break. So we take a little break and come back and you want to ask MxPx a question?

1:24:42 Caller Yeah.

1:24:42 Adam All right. All right. Do you do that? No. We'll do that after this.

1:24:46 Caller Loveline, Loveline, 1-800-LOVE, 191.

1:24:50 I'm back in a minute.

1:25:25 Adam Yeah, Loveline, Adam Corolla over here, Dr. Drew over there, Gina Lee Nolan is going to be in here tomorrow night. Earing Tom and now here comes Mike from MxPx. The ever passing moment is the name of the CD. Should we all chew gum into the mic?

1:25:45 Caller I think it will work.

1:25:46 Drew I'll do it with chewing gum.

1:25:48 Adam Well, no. I mean, yeah. Adam, you're 15?

1:25:51 Drew Yeah.

1:25:52 Adam What's up?

1:25:52 Caller I was planning to let MxPx know that they're my favorite man. And I went to the show in San Bernardino on Sunday, and it was really cool.

1:26:00 Caller Awesome. Thanks.

1:26:00 Caller And I was just wondering if you guys were going to be coming out with another live CD.

1:26:05 Caller Another one? Eventually, I think unless something happens to one of us, we will definitely put one out. We don't have any plans for one.

1:26:14 Caller What's that supposed to mean?

1:26:15 Caller Yeah, you know.

1:26:16 Caller There's always those possibilities. But actually, we're going to do an EP next.

1:26:22 Caller What's it going to be called?

1:26:23 Caller I don't know yet. Any suggestions?

1:26:27 Caller No, not really. Will you guys have a word with you on it?

1:26:33 Caller Good question. I'm not really sure. That will definitely come out on something in the future.

1:26:37 Caller That's a really good song.

1:26:38 Adam Hey, Adam, why don't you just check the mxpx.com periodically and on that you'll keep everyone abreast of everything that's going on.

1:26:49 Caller Usually that's got information we don't even know about yet on it.

1:26:54 Adam All right, Adam.

1:26:55 Caller We'll look on your tour.

1:26:56 Caller Thanks.

1:26:58 Adam You guys got a lot of fans calling in tonight. Barbara?

1:27:01 Caller Yeah.

1:27:01 Adam You're 21? What's up?

1:27:04 Caller This girl at work, she's my friend, but she wants me to do a threesome with her and her boyfriend and I don't know how to say no without breaking up our friendship because she knows that I have done it before with our other mutual friend.

1:27:17 Drew How'd that conversation come up anyway?

1:27:19 Caller Because she just would casually bring it up, like not casually, but just bring it up when we're going out like to a bar or something.

1:27:27 Adam Do you know her boyfriend?

1:27:28 Caller Yeah.

1:27:29 Adam What do you think of him? You don't like him?

1:27:31 Caller No, he's fine, but I'm getting my life together and I just don't, you know?

1:27:37 Adam But you're still swearing on the radio. You haven't got it together to the point where you stop swearing on the radio?

1:27:42 Caller The truth usually works pretty well. Just say, you know, you tried it, you don't really into it.

1:27:46 Drew So when you were doing threesomes, it was because you were messed up?

1:27:49 Caller Basically.

1:27:50 Adam Yeah. On drugs?

1:27:52 Caller No, just mentally.

1:27:53 Adam Oh, yeah. Anderson wants to know what happened to the rule where people use the S word and they hang up on it. That doesn't count for hot chicks who are thinking about threesomes. I stretch it to that.

1:28:03 Caller Whatever.

1:28:04 Adam Hey, Barbara? All right. So you don't want to do it. You're going a little different direction in life. It's good.

1:28:09 Drew You're healthy. Healthier impulse.

1:28:11 Adam Okay.

1:28:12 Caller Is your friendship pending on this thing?

1:28:15 Caller Yeah.

1:28:17 Caller Well, like when I try and say no, she's like, well, you did it with, I'm not going to say her name.

1:28:22 Drew Screw that. You have well within your right just to say no.

1:28:27 Adam Yeah. And listen, I took a leak in an ice machine. Doesn't mean I have to do it again. I may.

1:28:38 Drew At any time.

1:28:39 Adam Don't challenge me. I'm one of the few people I know who's thrown up an ice machine and urinated an ice machine. And as soon as I take a crap in one, I will have completed the trifecta and I can call it a life. I'm waiting for that. You know, some people, you know, some people like work at the same place for 30 years and they retire and they die six months later and they go, well, he stopped work and he lost the will to live. For me, it's crapping in an ice machine. I'm scared if I crap in an ice machine, I'll be gone in three weeks. I'll hold out a little bit longer. I don't want to hold out too long. You know what I'm saying? It's going to be a situation where I'm like in the 80s, I'm going to have to someone wheel me to an ice machine.

1:29:16 Caller I'm going to take a crap at it. I'm good to go.

1:29:21 Adam You know how Indians know when they're going to die? Or at least that's what white people think. I don't know if they actually know.

1:29:30 Drew In one movie, there was an example of that.

1:29:33 Adam We sold that and then we all bought in to it. Where is he going? He's going to die. How does he know? He's Indian. Leave him alone. What did he do? He brought a gun with him. Well, in case he didn't die, he's going to kill himself. He's got a lot of pride. Either way, he's not coming back. All right. Mercedes?

1:29:57 Caller Yes.

1:29:58 Adam You're 22. What's up?

1:29:59 Caller Hi. I had a question for MxPx.

1:30:02 Caller Hi, guys.

1:30:03 Caller Oh, my goodness.

1:30:03 Caller I can't believe I'm on the way with you guys.

1:30:06 Caller I was going to ask you guys what's your favorite song to play and why?

1:30:10 Caller Favorite song to play?

1:30:12 Caller Checkmate because I get a break.

1:30:14 Caller Which one?

1:30:16 MXPX No, I'm just kidding. What do you guys think?

1:30:19 Caller Songs like Tomorrow's Another Day for me.

1:30:21 MXPX I like that one a lot.

1:30:22 Caller Why?

1:30:23 Caller Yeah.

1:30:23 Caller Why?

1:30:24 Caller Does that like a special meaning?

1:30:26 Caller Yeah, special meaning and just it's a fun song to play. Kids really dig it.

1:30:31 Caller Yeah.

1:30:32 Caller Just all around.

1:30:34 Caller I think that song definitely encompasses a lot of what our band is about. It's very positive, just trying to, Tomorrow's Another Day is basically it's about waking up and being able to just make your life right with yourself. And no matter what you do that you feel bad about or that you do wrong, you always have that chance to make a change and do something better for yourself, make a better life.

1:31:06 Caller Yeah.

1:31:07 Caller That's what it's about.

1:31:08 Caller That's a good song. I love it. I saw you guys for the first time on Sunday. I've been listening to you guys since high school, but you guys were awesome on Sunday.

1:31:13 Caller My friends were making fun of me because I was crying.

1:31:15 Caller I was like, oh my God.

1:31:17 Adam Wow. Right on.

1:31:18 Caller Yeah.

1:31:19 Adam Nice. So where are you calling from?

1:31:21 Caller I'm calling from Glendore. I just got back from work, so I was all excited. They were on the phones.

1:31:24 Caller I had a call.

1:31:25 Adam What goes on over there in Glendore?

1:31:27 Caller Glendore?

1:31:28 Caller Nothing much.

1:31:29 Drew Hot. Smoggy.

1:31:30 Caller I hang out over by where I work all the time.

1:31:33 Caller I work in Disneyland.

1:31:34 Drew What?

1:31:35 Caller I work at Disneyland.

1:31:35 Adam Oh, you do?

1:31:36 Drew What do you do there?

1:31:37 Caller I work on Space Mountain.

1:31:38 Caller I've never met anybody that worked at Disneyland.

1:31:40 Caller Really?

1:31:41 Adam What do you do on Space Mountain?

1:31:43 Caller I operate the ride. I push the button.

1:31:45 Caller We get in for free over there?

1:31:47 Caller Yeah. You guys can. I can totally hook you up.

1:31:49 Caller You know that's the happiest place.

1:31:50 Caller Can we get your number?

1:31:51 Caller We'll have to hook you up with a friend of ours. He's big in the Disneyland.

1:31:54 Caller Really?

1:31:55 Caller Yeah.

1:31:56 Adam What about that kid that got smashed the other day?

1:31:58 Caller I don't know anything about that.

1:32:00 Adam It wasn't your fault?

1:32:01 Caller I didn't know.

1:32:02 Adam You weren't on the street. That was your blunder.

1:32:04 Drew What happened? I heard about that.

1:32:05 Caller I was at Space Mountain that night.

1:32:06 Caller I had nothing to do with that.

1:32:07 Adam Kid fell off of Huckleberry Toad's Wild Peacock Finanza or something. What did he fall off of? Roger Rabbit? Yes.

1:32:17 Caller Was he trying to climb to a different car?

1:32:19 Adam I think I heard about that. Here's the thing. Kids try to get out and fat people get thrown and stuff. But normally if you are somewhere under 400 pounds and you do what they tell you to do, you'll be fine. But here's the thing about roller coasters, amusement parks and rides like that. It's feast or famine. You're either having the time of your life or you're getting ground in some gears. You know what I mean? But there's no in-between. No one gets thrown from a roller coaster. It's like, what happened? I hurt my ass. Yeah, I'm all right.

1:32:49 Drew Let's go on the Batman ride.

1:32:52 Adam Yeah. Now I'm going to be on the arcade for a while. I'm going to walk it off. I mean, it's like you're either totally unscathed or you get crowned up, but there's no like, no one ever got bruised in a ride.

1:33:05 Caller You can get, actually, I went on a ride over on the East Coast. Old roller coaster, wood, just insane. Like, oh, it's a wood roller coaster. It doesn't go upside down, no big deal, right?

1:33:16 Adam Right.

1:33:16 Caller That thing would, that thing basically smashed me up and down all over the place. I didn't break an arm or anything, but I was pretty bruised up. So that's the one exception because there's always one.

1:33:27 Adam And maybe your ego was a little bruised too.

1:33:29 Caller Yeah, it was like, you know, that was pretty crazy.

1:33:32 Adam You know, my theory, and here's why I don't go on roller coasters, and now they're getting the data starting to come out on these things. Here's my theory, you know it, Drew, which is 99% of you knows you strapped in a roller coaster, you waded the line, you paid. But there's 1% of your brain, and that 1% of your brain is like that little reptilian part of your brain. And it thinks the car went off the overpass and is plunging into the ocean. That's what it thinks. And that part of your brain tells the rest of your body, hey, here's some adrenaline, man. Freak out, because you're in a free fall, man. It doesn't know that you're strapped into a safety harness. It doesn't know that you're having a good time. There's a part of your brain that has to just be reacting like in a, like I said, like a reptilian, chromagnum kind of way to that, right? And you can't talk that part out of it. I mean, that's why you stiffen up. That's why the adrenaline surges and all that. I don't think that's good for you, to fake that part of your brain. And to thinking you're actually... You know why? Because the one time you do actually go off the overpass in the car and you're going to plunge into the river, your brain goes out of relax. Just another, just another ride. Oh, water's pouring into the van. Don't bother getting out. It'll all be over in a minute.

1:34:44 Drew All illusion.

1:34:45 Adam That's right. Guy's going to come up in a green vest and help me out any second now.

1:34:49 Caller Lucky for you, you haven't taken a crap in an ice machine yet.

1:34:52 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:34:53 Caller So you don't have to feel scared about that.

1:34:54 Adam It's coming though.

1:34:55 Caller So we need to get that girl's number, because I really want to get in to Disneyland for free.

1:34:58 Drew Oh, she can't do anything. Adrienne is having bleeding two months after an abortion. That is not normal. Go back.

1:35:03 Adam Oh, go talk to her during the break. Come on. We'll take a break. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. No, I don't have time to get into all of them. Yeah. Right, I get it. There, there, we were just talking about something, and there's a place in hell for those guys who profit off of that kind of stuff. We're talking about publicists. All right, I want to thank MxPx for coming in and being a good time, as they always are on this show. And it's good to see you guys again.

1:36:02 Caller You too.

1:36:03 Adam Good luck in San Francisco, Sacramento, and Salt Lake, and then good luck in Europe, and when enough time has passed, we need to sort of decompress here. But you guys are playing an LA show or whatever. Come on back and hang out, and we'll do it all again. The ever-passing moment is the name of the CD. Go out and get it if you haven't already, and until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:36:31 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, September 26, 2000