Episode 1000754887320

1:03 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline Coast to Coast.

1:13 Yeah!

1:16 Adam I always start the show with yeah, because I don't know what else to say, and it makes me sound enthusiastic about being here another goddamn night. Phone number for Loveline, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Forget about the fax number. Dr. Drew is still on the road. Last I heard, he was in Washington, DC addressing Congress.

1:35 Dr. Bruce On what?

1:36 Voiceover Why his wife was such a pain in the ass. I really don't know. Dr. Bruce is filling in, and adequately, I might add. This is his third night. He's no stranger to Loveline, although he doesn't seem to improve from night to night, which worries me. He actually slides deeper into his geek abyss. Yeah. Dr. Bruce is board certified, is actually in some ways even more qualified than Dr. Drew because he is a practicing doctor. Now, Drew practices, but he's doing TV shows, he's doing other projects, he's got his website to worry about. Not Dr. Bruce. He's no celebrity. Believe you me, this is the biggest thrill of his life being here, even though he doesn't act like it. He is an addiction medicine specialist. He also specializes in emergency medicine. And speaking of emergency medicine, Seth Enslow will be our guest tonight. He should be in here in just a second. If you don't know who that is, Seth is a freestyle motocross rider. And he's going for the record this Saturday for long distance. Look at that picture. Jumping on a motorcycle. Yeah, it is absolutely insane.

2:47 Dr. Bruce He should bring an ER with him when he goes.

2:49 Voiceover This is one of the most insane sports there is. I mean, these guys are getting 50, 60 feet of air. He's going for 250, 260 feet. I mean, he's literally jumping over a football field on his motorcycle. Last time he did it, he cracked his skull. I'm told open and there were pictures to support that. I did not want to see those pictures. Bruce, you're a doctor. You saw the picture.

3:15 Dr. Bruce Yeah. Oh, it's impressive.

3:17 Adam Didn't look good.

3:17 Dr. Bruce Staples all across. Looks like Frankenstein.

3:20 Adam Fantastic. Seth will be in here to explain, talk about his death wish in just a little bit. Bruce is going to be again, filming for Drew one more night. Dr. Drew should be back tomorrow night or at least so I'm told. We are going to muddle through one more night here with Dr. Bruce. Bruce, you're looking good. You styled your hair. You put a little gel in there. You're looking sharp.

3:43 Tell me, do you enjoy making fun of me more or Drew?

3:47 Adam You, because Drew, I've had my fill of over the years.

3:51 Dr. Bruce He sits with his head in his hands like this. I've noticed he doesn't look at you. Is that...

3:54 Adam He's broken. That's why. That's why it's no fun. It's no fun to make fun of Drew anymore because I broke his spirit many years ago. All right, Bruce, remember the part of the show where you picked the calls?

4:06 Dr. Bruce Okay, well, why don't we start with your favorite subject?

4:08 Adam All right. Ryan?

4:10 Yes.

4:11 Adam You're 19?

4:12 Caller I am.

4:12 What is up?

4:14 Well, let's see.

4:15 Caller I've just recently quit masturbating probably about four months ago. And since then, I've had a little problem with discharging, having wet dreams, things like that. I get blue balls just by making out with a girl.

4:26 Adam Hey, can I have your pornography?

4:29 Caller If I had any, I got rid of it already.

4:31 Adam The message I'd like to send out to all the people that quit masturbating and stopped smoking pot, more power to you. Send me your bong and your pornography.

4:40 Dr. Bruce Why did you stop masturbating four months ago?

4:43 Caller Well, I mean, I kind of got into my religion. I'm getting ready to go on a mission to Ecuador. It's kind of important that I get rid of things that aren't good regarding the church.

4:53 Adam I see. You know what my mission is? I see if I can pull another hat trick off in the afternoon without pulling a calf muscle.

5:01 Dr. Bruce All right. Well, fortunately, masturbation is not an essential health function. So, you know, there's really no such thing. Blue balls is probably the oldest excuse for men to try and get sex out of it.

5:13 Adam But wait a minute, you've never experienced that phenomenon known as blue balls, Bruce? You've never been denied sex in your life, have you?

5:20 Dr. Bruce Well, physicians don't discuss their personal experiences.

5:22 Adam Oh, physicians don't get blue balls because they just pop an ether rag out and knock their date out and have their way with them, right?

5:29 Dr. Bruce Well, there's some better anesthetics than ether these days.

5:32 Adam You get your hands on the roofie cabinet, don't you?

5:33 Dr. Bruce That's a horrible thought. That's not even funny.

5:35 Adam I know, but it's still funny.

5:37 Dr. Bruce So Ryan, you're no danger of any serious health malady other than stained underwear and frustration.

5:44 Adam I worry about mood. You know what I mean? I went four months without whacking off. I probably choked the mailman when he came up the stairs.

5:52 Caller Yeah, I've ended up beating up my sister quite a few times. I get sexually frustrated really bad. I don't know. I've done quite a few crazy things.

6:00 Adam Hold on a second there, Ryan. You're going to go on a religious mission to Ecuador and you kick the ass out of your sister before you left?

6:07 Dr. Bruce I think it's all in the family.

6:10 Adam I see. All right, Ryan, listen, more power to you. Here's basically what happens. Your body still produces the sperm, but instead of releasing it through your urethra, you just basically ingest it. It's like having anal sex with yourself, and then eventually you turn into a woman. Wow. So, no problems. Michelle?

6:31 Caller Yeah.

6:31 Adam You're 26?

6:32 Caller Yes.

6:32 Adam What's up?

6:33 Caller Hey, I want to know, got a question. I've been taking this Ma Heng extract as a dietary supplement to lose weight.

6:42 Adam It's not Ma Wang, it's Ma Hang?

6:44 Caller See, I haven't asked her how it's pronounced. I'm thinking Ma Hang.

6:49 Adam Yeah. Well, what is it?

6:50 Dr. Bruce M-A-H-U-A-N-G.

6:52 Adam Oh, it is. It's not Ma Wang. No. Don't you pronounce it Ma Wang?

6:56 Dr. Bruce Yeah, that's how I pronounce it.

6:57 Adam That's how everyone pronounces it.

6:58 Dr. Bruce Okay. So, you've been using the extract and?

7:02 Caller Well, I take about, it says you can take up to nine a day, and I take three, and it's about 1,000 milligrams. And it's combined with Citromax and L-Carnitine, and basically an aspirin. So, it's like a thermogenic type of thing.

7:20 Dr. Bruce Yeah. Okay. So, you're Huell 26?

7:23 Caller Yeah.

7:23 Dr. Bruce And how much overweight are you?

7:26 Caller Not that much.

7:27 Dr. Bruce Have you had it calculated by, have you gone to a bariatric's physician, someone who specializes in weight management?

7:32 Caller No, I did my body fat percentage, and it was at 32, and it's down to 28.

7:38 Dr. Bruce Right. But there's another index that's used to determine what percent hold up.

7:41 Adam What's the average 26-year-old woman? What should she be at?

7:44 Depends on how tall she is.

7:46 Adam What should she be at? Fat, body percentage of fat?

7:50 Dr. Bruce Oh, I think women are, what, 15%, 19%?

7:53 All right.

7:54 Adam Michelle, how tall are you?

7:56 Caller I'm 5'2.

7:57 Adam How much do you weigh?

7:58 Caller Right now, I'm down to 130.

8:01 Adam Okay, let me do some quick radio math. 5'2, 130, carry on. I have 5'1, in an eighth, 141 pounds. Not too bad, but a little stocky.

8:15 Dr. Bruce Here's the issue. Ma Wang is aphedrine, and it's...

8:20 Adam Speed?

8:21 Dr. Bruce Appropriate. Yeah, it's one molecule away from speed. It's what speed's made from, and it's tougher on your nervous system and your heart and blood vessels. It's approved by bariatricians for use in weight control, but many physicians don't support it and feel that it's dangerous and it's addictive. I don't personally recommend it, and I think that there are better ways to...

8:44 Adam You drink 15 Mountain Dews up here, and four cups of coffee with 400 packets of sugar in it. Why should you recommend it? You're like a bad crane. Look at you. Well, first of all, whatever you want, you never gain an ounce, do you?

8:57 Dr. Bruce I've been the same weight for 20 years.

8:59 Adam That's right.

9:00 Dr. Bruce Wonderful. So I eat a couple of meals a day, but I don't drink them. I drink one cup of coffee a day. Okay. So for Michelle.

9:06 Adam One cup of coffee a day? You drink one cup of coffee a day and 15 Pepsi's.

9:11 Dr. Bruce I do not.

9:12 Adam How dare you try to pull that over on me. You are the worst eating doctor I've ever met.

9:19 Dr. Bruce Well, would you go to a fat cardiologist? That's the question I have for you.

9:24 Adam No. Here's my point. I guess you wanted me to say yes.

9:27 Caller Fine.

9:29 Adam As Drew says, and I hate to quote my partner, but as long as he's not here to soak it in, there are no free lunches in nature. You want to lose weight, you start exercising, eat right. Don't try to fool your body. It may work in the short run, but it's going to snap you in the ass. Just eat right and exercise. You'll be fine. You're 26. Justin, you're 17.

9:51 Caller Yep. Hey, I've known I was gay for a pretty much a long time.

9:57 Caller You're gay.

9:58 Caller Yeah. And all my life I've been denying it and denying it and denying it. And every time one of my best friends is like, hey, check out that chick over there. I'm like, yeah, man, she's got a nice butt, whatever. And until recently, like the last couple months, I'm just fed up with it. I'm fed up of faking it and just living practically a lie or whatever. And I'm highly considering coming out to people in my classes, whatever. Everybody came up to my bestest friends and people I really trust. But it's like I don't give a rat's butt anymore and I just want everyone to know. And I don't know if I should do that or not.

10:37 Adam Really?

10:37 Caller Because I don't know what the consequences are going to be.

10:39 Adam Are you just starting your senior year?

10:42 Caller No. Yeah, yeah. I'm just starting my senior year.

10:44 Adam You go to a public school?

10:46 Caller Yeah, unfortunately.

10:47 Adam Yeah. Are there some hoodlums in that school?

10:50 Caller Well, see, that's the thing. I mean, I know some pretty popular guys that I know are at least bi or whatever. And let's say the football team, they don't care or whatever.

10:58 Adam Okay. Where are you calling from?

11:01 Caller Just outside of Atlanta.

11:02 Adam Let me tell you this. There's no better time to be gay. That should be the gay slogan. There's no better time to be gay. There really isn't. I mean, even just in the short period of time ago, I was in high school. It would have been a rough time being gay. Yeah. I mean, Bruce, people knew you were gay. You got your ass kicked every day, right? All right. So Justin, here's my advice. I understand you're tired of living a lie, but practically it could be a little rough at school if you came out. What you might want to do is see if you could just make it through your senior year. And then when you go to college, you're gay from that point on. You know what I mean?

11:44 Caller Yeah.

11:44 Adam Are you going to college?

11:45 Caller Yeah, definitely.

11:46 Adam Where are you going?

11:47 Caller That's even more of a problem. I'm going to a very local college that's like a mile down the road.

11:52 Adam Junior college?

11:53 Caller It's a regular.

11:54 Caller It's a university.

11:56 Adam What's it called?

11:57 Caller Kennesaw State.

11:59 Adam Never heard of it. Even smaller and dicier than Bruce's college. What was your college again, Bruce?

12:05 Caller Andrews University.

12:06 Dr. Bruce I'm sure they'll-

12:07 Adam Julie Andrews University.

12:08 Dr. Bruce Let me tell you, these guys love having Adam Corolla mouth the name of their pure college. I'm telling you, they're people at the medical school.

12:17 Adam No football team. What medical school?

12:19 Dr. Bruce Say Loma Linda.

12:20 Adam Listen, when you left-

12:21 Dr. Bruce Baboon transplant. Remember that?

12:22 Adam They did a bamboo, bamboo-

12:24 Dr. Bruce Heart transplant into a baby about 15 years ago.

12:26 Adam Oh, who cares about baboons?

12:28 Dr. Bruce Okay, listen.

12:29 Adam Can't articulate yourself any better than that.

12:32 Dr. Bruce Listen, I've been letting you answer a lot of questions.

12:34 Adam Hurry.

12:35 Dr. Bruce Ready? Justin. Yeah. Nobody really cares. You've told the people that are important in your life.

12:40 Adam No, he hasn't. He told his one.

12:41 Dr. Bruce He told his close.

12:42 Adam He told his one buddy.

12:43 Dr. Bruce No.

12:43 Adam All right. How much does one buddy? Buck is- Okay.

12:46 Dr. Bruce More than one buddy.

12:47 Adam Have you told- Who have you told?

12:50 Caller Like, my best friend, right? That he's kind of one of those people, he's like, I'm cool with it. Just don't talk about me.

12:56 Adam I told his best friend.

12:57 Dr. Bruce You said you told the important people in your life, didn't you?

13:00 Caller Yeah, for the most part. There's a few people that I know are very much homophobic.

13:05 Dr. Bruce You've told more than just your one best friend, correct?

13:08 Caller Yes.

13:08 Dr. Bruce Okay, thank you. Now listen, Justin, one of the characteristics of being a teenager is you feel like you're on stage, like a lot of people are watching, and it's true, in a high school setting like that, you can-

13:20 Adam 13 seconds.

13:21 Dr. Bruce 13 seconds. All right, bottom line is, I wouldn't go any further, I wouldn't broadcast it, I'd continue to do what you're doing. You're done? Yeah.

13:28 Adam Okay. So, you can take the five and a half seconds you saved on that speech and add it on to your next allotted 20 seconds.

13:35 Dr. Bruce No. God will give me a radio show someday and you'll be my guest.

13:38 Adam Let me ask you something, Bruce. I know you're a very pious man, you're very religious, right? You've been bucking for a radio show for the last 10 years, you don't have one. I have not. What does that mean?

13:49 Dr. Bruce I had a radio show out.

13:50 Adam Do you think God is punishing you?

13:52 Dr. Bruce He's punishing me when I show up here and you get that, you know what, eating grin on your face.

13:55 Adam I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I do.

13:58 Dr. Bruce Yeah, well, so does Satan.

14:02 Adam He's my protege. Oh, listen to me. All you people who think God has a plan for you, sometimes God's plan is just having you not get anywhere and being unsuccessful.

14:14 Dr. Bruce Many are called but fewer chose.

14:16 Adam What if God's plan is for you to do nothing and never make more than 30 grand a year? You never consider that angle, do you? Because God does have that plan for a certain percentage of society.

14:26 Dr. Bruce Did you get laid before you came in here tonight? No. This is the best mood I've seen in a room.

14:29 Adam I know. I'm feeling good. Sherry?

14:31 Hey.

14:32 Adam Hey, you're 15.

14:33 Caller Yeah.

14:33 Adam What is up?

14:35 Caller Well, for about five years now, I've had arthritis and I've been put on a medicine called prednisone. Right. It causes constant mood swings. So for about a couple years now, I really noticed it and I think my friends are being scared away from it.

14:55 Adam Yeah. Was there any other medication she can be on, Bruce?

14:58 Dr. Bruce No, that's a very, very difficult situation to be in. Prednisone is a type of steroid. There are corticosteroids and then the anabolic steroids that weightlifters take. And this does block inflammation very effectively. But if you take it for more than two weeks, it starts to have an effect on... It does, in some cases, affect people's mood quite drastically. And they do have mood swings. And some people can even get addicted to these things. But it's so effective at blocking the inflammation. But doctors are trying to do this as a last resort.

15:28 Adam What if they supplement it with some sort of mood-altering thing?

15:32 Dr. Bruce Well, an antidepressant or a mood-stabilizing medication. And the question is, does your doctor know, have you told your doctor, shared with them how this is affecting you?

15:41 Caller Yeah, she knows. I've been with her since I've been diagnosed.

15:45 Adam Hold on, you're going to a chick doctor?

15:47 Caller Yes.

15:49 Adam Well, that's your problem, honey.

15:51 Caller Hey, she's the best doctor I know.

15:55 Dr. Bruce Sure, for some reason, Adam's a little incorrigible tonight.

15:59 Adam Well, you said it yourself. You said, have you talked to him when you referred to the doctor? Why did you assume it was a male?

16:05 Caller I meant her.

16:06 Adam No, you didn't say it. Bruce said it.

16:08 Dr. Bruce Okay, listen, how to deal with it is you need to go back. Doctors sometimes don't do anything the first time you tell them there's a problem with something because they will give it more time. And with prednisone, if you're having that kind of a problem and you need to be on it long term, this isn't going to change.

16:26 Adam What's the long term outlook for someone who has arthritis at 15 years old?

16:32 Dr. Bruce Well, there are other drugs and the anti-immune drugs that are out there, there's some new ones that are really effective. So I'm not sure if the doctor is just waiting to put her on something else. But things are much better than they used to be. They're better.

16:47 Caller Okay.

16:48 Adam That's the one you were supposed to get to 20 minutes ago.

16:49 Dr. Bruce There's not a cure, but genetically there's a lot more.

16:53 Caller Okay.

16:54 Adam What was the question I asked?

16:55 Dr. Bruce You asked me, what is the outlook for individuals that have... Right.

16:58 Adam It's a lot better than it used to be. Thank you. Kenny? You're 14?

17:03 Caller Yeah.

17:03 Adam What is up?

17:05 Caller Well, like I said, I'm amazed to be talking to the great Adam Corolla.

17:08 Adam Well, thank you. I sometimes amaze myself. Just looking in the mirror and hearing my own voice.

17:13 Caller Yeah, whatever.

17:14 Adam It's great. It is great to be me, let me tell you. Imagine being me every day and weekends.

17:20 Caller I wish.

17:21 Caller Yeah.

17:23 Dr. Bruce Kenny, you're 14. When you're 16, you'll have a different viewpoint on the Adam Corolla issue.

17:27 Adam You want to be more me.

17:29 Caller Okay, I heard that if you eat poppy seeds too much, that you'll test positive for opium in a drug test. Is that true?

17:37 Dr. Bruce Yes. You have to eat a significant amount. So, poppy seed cake, if you eat one bagel of poppy seeds, probably not. But there is that risk. What are you concerned about? You're going for a drug test?

17:50 Caller Yeah, I just don't want to.

17:52 Adam Wait, you're not going for a drug test.

17:54 Caller No, but I might, so I don't want to.

17:56 Adam When might you?

17:58 Caller I don't know, for school or something.

18:00 Adam I see. And how much poppy, how big a role do poppy seeds play in your life?

18:06 Caller None.

18:06 Dr. Bruce This guy's probably got poppy forest behind his house and he's growing heroin or something. Okay, there we go.

18:14 Adam Josh?

18:15 Hey, how you doing, guys?

18:15 Adam You're 17? What's up?

18:17 Caller I just got a quick question. The other day, I was finger banging my girlfriend Nice. And about 15 minutes afterwards, after she had an orgasm, she started shaking like a lot. She couldn't stop shaking, and she got really freaked out. And it kind of freaked me out. And I was just kind of wondering what that was about.

18:30 Adam That was all from your finger banging?

18:32 Caller Yeah, that was from my finger banging.

18:34 Adam I see. Hey, let's try to work finger banging again.

18:37 Caller Wait, how do you mean?

18:38 Adam Into this question?

18:40 Caller Yeah, I was banging her.

18:41 Adam Oh, with your finger? Yeah. Therefore finger banging?

18:44 Caller Yes, therefore.

18:45 Adam Nice. And you gave her an orgasm and she had a seizure.

18:51 Caller Not like a seizure.

18:52 Adam But she shook like she was possessed.

18:54 Caller Like she was possessed, you know, like pulled her guy.

18:57 Adam If I could do that just once in my life. Just once.

19:00 Caller Just without the crucifix and the green slime.

19:02 Dr. Bruce Are you a real nice, sensitive guy or did the realization of what she did two minutes after drive her into an orgasm?

19:09 Caller No, I wasn't violent about it.

19:11 Dr. Bruce How long have you gone out with her?

19:12 Caller We've been going out for about two months now.

19:14 Adam So that's the way she has her orgasms, right?

19:17 Caller Yeah, it hasn't happened before to her. It just happened that one time and I was kind of freaked out.

19:22 Adam What did she think of it?

19:23 Caller She said it was about the shaking. She just didn't know it was up. She didn't know why she started shaking or anything.

19:30 Adam Was it scary? Was she sweating or did she swallow her tongue or anything?

19:34 Caller No, she was just kind of freaked out why it started happening. She didn't know because it's never happened to us before and I mean she said it was great but this afterwards.

19:42 Dr. Bruce So it probably wasn't a seizure but if you should present to a qualified doctor, he would have to go through a differential diagnosis of things like seizure.

19:51 Adam But would he have to finger-banger? Is that something a nurse would do?

19:53 Dr. Bruce Is there another term that we can use?

19:55 Adam I've been looking for one for a long time. I can't figure out anything quite as effective as finger-banger. Hey, Josh?

20:01 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

20:01 Adam All right. Even if you kill her with the finger-bang, it's still a little bit of a feather in your cap if you think about it. You know what I mean?

20:08 Dr. Bruce I don't think you've been going out long enough to manipulate her clitoris with your finger.

20:12 Adam I killed this girl with an orgasm. Imagine what your reputation would be like around high school.

20:16 Dr. Bruce You know, my day in high school, I don't know, people either didn't practice the same bragging arts or things. No, no, no. Don't start my high school.

20:26 Adam Bruce, I know you didn't get any in high school.

20:31 Dr. Bruce I absolutely didn't.

20:32 Adam You're right. No, no. Your whole angle is becoming a doctor. Very smart. Very smart. I've never been with a woman. No, listen to me, Bruce. Did you go to a regular high school or did you go to the I went to a Christian high school. Little Lord Park.

20:47 Dr. Bruce In New York City, though, so.

20:48 Caller Oh, that's right.

20:49 Dr. Bruce One of my classmates was in the Black Panthers and another classmate was.

20:53 Adam Really?

20:53 Dr. Bruce Yeah, it was a great school.

20:55 Adam You went to a Christian school?

20:56 Dr. Bruce It was a Christian school, but.

20:58 Adam And is that how you got accepted in the very prestigious Andrews University?

21:01 Caller That may have had something to do with it.

21:03 Adam All right. We will now move on to Stacey. Stacey?

21:10 Hey.

21:10 Adam Hey, you're 16.

21:11 Caller Yeah.

21:12 My question is, is that I left my virginity last year when I was 15. And since then, I've been with two other guys and I've been like cheating on my last two boyfriends and I can't figure out why I'm doing this.

21:24 Adam When you say cheating, you mean having sex with other guys?

21:27 Well, with the last one I cheated on, I did, but with on the one before, it was just like kind of like messing around.

21:33 Adam Consistently?

21:35 Dr. Bruce Well.

21:36 Adam Okay.

21:36 Dr. Bruce So this...

21:37 Adam Hold on a second, Stacey. We got to take a little break. Hey, did Seth Enslow get here yet? Oh, he is here. Okay. Well, hold on. Then let's finish up with Stacey.

21:46 Dr. Bruce Oh, this is a great one to tease for after the break.

21:48 Adam No, it is not.

21:49 Dr. Bruce Well, yeah, she's got some issues.

21:51 Adam Yeah, she has issues. We all have issues. My issue is I got to take a leak and our guest is here.

21:55 Dr. Bruce All right. Stacey, it's a big problem. You're going to establish lifelong patterns of not being faithful in a relationship. Do you have any dad problems prior to this or abuse? Were you ever abused by an adult male or no, not nothing, not really.

22:16 I've just been pretty much ignored kind of.

22:18 Adam I see. All right. So your dad just kind of left you high and dry.

22:24 Yeah, he just ignored me like I had an eating disorder.

22:26 Adam Okay. So now you're like you're a sabotager now. You can't get too intimate with any one person.

22:32 Caller No.

22:33 Adam You got to kind of sabotage it a little bit because you can't risk being let down again like your dad let you down.

22:39 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

22:40 Adam So you can't get too close to someone.

22:42 Dr. Bruce The good news is there's a reason you're doing this. The reason can be brought to your attention. You can start to understand it and do something about it, but it takes a professional with few more credentials than Adam Corolla.

22:55 Adam How dare you? Listen to me everybody, including you Stacey. I am an expert. Do you understand me? I know more than any goddamn shrink. And no book is going to teach you this. And I've said this in many, many interviews. People say to me all the time, what makes you an expert? And we understand Dr. Drew's credentials, but what gives you the right to dispense advice over the radio, steer all these teens in the wrong direction? Me? Let me ask you a question. And I'll ask all of you a hypothetical question. I am a great carpenter and a great builder. Okay. Did I ever, I am a great builder. Did I ever read a book on it? No. Did I ever go to college? No. Did I go to carpentry school? No. You know I'm a great builder because every day I showed up and did that. That was my job. And that's what I did and that's how I became a real good builder. Now, you want somebody who read a book on how to build your house, building your house, who never swung a hammer, or do you want a guy who does it every day? I do this job every day. I talk to f-ed up teens and make fun of them every day. Therefore, I'm an expert. Thank you.

23:59 Caller I don't see a doctor in front of your name, Mr. Big Mouth.

24:04 Adam And let me tell you something. After sizing up Bruce and Drew, this whole doctor thing is way overrated.

24:10 Dr. Bruce Listen.

24:11 Adam All right. We will take ourselves a little break. Seth Enslow is going to come in here. He's a guy who damn near killed himself trying to break the world record jumping his motorcycle over 250 feet. He's got a big jump coming up this Saturday. And we'll get to all the details about that after this.

24:30 Caller You know what I'm saying, I'm there.

24:32 Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.

25:06 Adam Yeah, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Bruce. Filling in for Dr. Drew one more night, everybody.

25:14 Dr. Bruce Let me get out the fax number real quick.

25:16 Adam Really?

25:16 Dr. Bruce Oh, if you've got a great fax for us, 310-854-4455, 310 area code 854-4455.

25:25 Adam Okay, I never read those. Why are you giving that out?

25:28 Dr. Bruce I'm a professional.

25:29 Adam All right, Seth Enslow's in the studio. Seth is a motocross rider. Well, not a motocross rider. Rides a motorcycle, does freestyle motorcycle and long-distance jumping. And I mean serious long-distance jumping. I mean, I'm looking at this picture of Seth and he's jumping over a telephone pole here. I mean, it is absolute insanity. Now, just to kind of put it into a context, Seth, what, when Evil Knievel was doing his jumping, what was he going? 100, 120 feet, something like that?

26:04 Yeah, something like that.

26:06 Adam In the high 90s, low 100s?

26:08 Yeah, I mean, I think his biggest jump might have been somewhere around 130 feet.

26:12 Adam Was Caesar's Palace like one of his biggest jumps?

26:14 Yeah, I think that was around 130.

26:16 Adam He didn't quite make that one.

26:17 Dr. Bruce Is this a real picture?

26:18 Adam And Evil was no idiot.

26:20 Caller That's unbelievable.

26:21 Adam Evil would say, I'm gonna jump 12 buses, but Evil's landing ramp would cantilever out over the last 11 buses. And it's like he built a platform that hung over 75 feet in case he came up a little short. He's not an idiot.

26:39 His son pulls the same stuff.

26:41 Adam Now, that's Robbie Knievel, of course, who's that'd be your arch rival, your nemesis.

26:48 I guess you could say that.

26:49 Adam Now, why does there need to be a rivalry between you two? I mean, I know he's the long distance jumper and you're a long distance jumper, but why can't you guys be friends?

26:58 There's not really a rivalry. I mean, I've never even really met the guy. I've just seen his work and kind of bummed out because the same reason he had the safety apron covering half the cars or whatever he was trying to jump. And when I jump something, you know, the landing starts after the object you're jumping. So we just do things a little different. The kids are all stoked for me to outdo Robbie Knievel.

27:17 Adam Robbie seems like he's getting a little husky to jump, too. I mean, he's put a little weight on. But Seth had himself, what, about eight months ago, a pretty bad crack up going for the record?

27:29 Yeah, end of December.

27:31 Adam Now the record is 250 feet?

27:33 251.

27:35 Adam And who owns that record?

27:36 Guy named Doug Danger set it back in 1991.

27:40 Adam You name your kid Doug Danger, you know? You know he's gonna do something stupid. And where's Doug Danger now?

27:45 Yeah, I don't know. I think he's like Robbie's age and he might be putting on some weight, too. I don't think he jumps too much anymore.

27:51 Adam And has Doug Danger changed his name to Albert Alcohol? So, Doug Danger makes his jump. Now does he make it ramp to ramp? Does he make it out in the desert, you know, going on to a dune? I mean, how does he do it?

28:06 Yeah, the way the record goes in the Guinness Book is it's got to be on flat surface. So yeah, your takeoff and your landing both have to be built on a flat surface. You can't be jumping down a hill because you cover ground quicker that way.

28:17 Adam Right, but as far as takeoff and landing ramp, do they care if it's made out of dirt or plywood or whatever? Just as long as it's flat.

28:26 Yep, as long as it's flat.

28:27 Adam And is the record, obviously you got to pull the jump off for the record of stand.

28:31 Right.

28:31 Adam If you eat it, it doesn't because you jumped farther in 250 feet, right?

28:35 No, I was actually just short, 245 feet. I'm still working up to it and tail wind blew me past my landing and I landed out in the flat.

28:43 Adam Oh, I see, you're working up to it. And how much height do you get on a jump that far?

28:49 Well, with that new ramp that I was using for that jump, I was probably 35, 40 feet high.

28:54 Adam And let me tell you guys something about 35, 40 feet because there's a lot of people that think their bedroom ceiling is 20 feet. Let me tell you what 35, 40 feet looks like. Just go stand on the sidewalk under a four story building and look up. That's 40 feet. That ain't 80 feet, that's 40 feet. 10 feet per story, that's the way it works out, minus the parapet at the top, of course. Now, Seth, you got something to say, Bruce? No, Seth, let me ask you, now what kind of speed do you need to get that kind of distance?

29:27 It all depends on your takeoff ramp, if it's, you know, if it's steeper or less steep, depending on how high it is and all that. But for me to go 245 feet, I was doing 70 miles an hour.

29:38 Adam Really?

29:39 Yeah.

29:39 Adam And what's it gonna take? Now, you're doing, you're gonna go for the world record this Saturday?

29:45 No, no, no. This Saturday is just like probably around 200 footer. Just a hell.

29:50 Adam I'll do that on a on a moped. Come on, brother. You're just going 200. And that's in the Santa Ana Riverbed, which is right across the street from the Anaheim pond or the Arrowhead pond.

30:01 Yeah.

30:01 Adam Yeah. That's where they had that jet jam that I lost in.

30:04 Right.

30:04 Adam Yeah. They flood it with water and they give you, they give celebrities jet skis and they run into each other.

30:08 Caller It's great.

30:10 Adam And that's coming up this Saturday. It's 20 bucks advance and 25 bucks at the gate. But seriously, who needs to pay at the gate? Couldn't you just park out on the freeway and watch you go for 200 feet? You know what I mean? I mean, you're going to see it from five miles away.

30:26 Yeah.

30:26 Adam And now, how wide, now what, are you going wood ramp to wood ramp on something like that?

30:32 Actually, what I usually do is I just bring my wood ramp takeoff and then have people build me a dirt landing. I'll just put my ramp up and just keep kicking it back.

30:40 Adam How wide is that wood ramp?

30:42 It's three feet wide, about 48 feet long.

30:44 Adam See, my feeling is, is I go a little wider than three feet. You know what I mean? I mean, that ain't that wide. Three feet is not very wide for something that stretches out over, did you say 48 feet?

30:56 Yeah.

30:56 Dr. Bruce Well, what is the difference? When Evel Knievel did that jump, I mean, the technology wasn't there. It would seem like racing in a Model T Ford comparatively.

31:06 Exactly. His suspension travel might have been three or four inches, and now we have over a foot of travel.

31:12 Adam The travel is the space between the top of the rear tire and the bottom of the rear fender. So it's when it bottoms out.

31:18 The front tire too, it has forks and the shock on the rear. Yeah.

31:21 Adam Evel Knievel jumped essentially like almost a street Harley. That distance was just insane. And no, he didn't have the advantage of mono shocks and titanium and all that kind of stuff. And you could see as soon as Evel got in the air, his bike would just start tipping. He'd just start going going back. His back wheel would just drop out from under him. He was really, really evil. And now Robbie Knievel is is doing the jump and their mother, Eunice Knievel, very upset.

31:51 Caller But isn't it all right?

31:53 Adam We got to take some calls. You got a good question? This better be good.

31:56 Caller Go ahead.

31:58 Adam You ready? Go.

31:59 Dr. Bruce I refuse to ask my question.

32:00 Caller No, that's OK.

32:01 Dr. Bruce Let's go to a call.

32:02 Adam Yeah. You know, I used to have a Elsinore 250 red racer, 79, you know. I'm old school. Yeah. Laid down shocks. Oh, yeah.

32:13 Caller You rode on.

32:14 Adam Oh, yeah.

32:14 Caller Motocross.

32:15 Adam None of this mono shock BS. Alex?

32:19 Caller Yeah.

32:19 Adam You're 16?

32:20 Caller Yeah.

32:21 Adam What's up?

32:23 Caller I just recently lost my virginity to my best guy friend. And now he's been like we've slept together twice. And he's really been distant and kind of. I don't know what's going on with him.

32:37 Dr. Bruce Does it? You're surprised by the fact that you first of all, sex is not a it's not a recreational sport. OK. It's something you do within an intimate relationship. And you don't that's not best friend type relationship.

32:50 Caller So well, I ordinarily would not have.

32:55 Dr. Bruce And he's your best friend.

32:58 Caller No, we had gone out earlier this year. And we really, really cared about each other. But we just decided that the whole relationship thing was adding too much drama into our.

33:09 Adam We both decided or he decided?

33:11 Caller No, I kind of decided.

33:13 Adam Didn't you like him, though?

33:16 Caller Yeah, and I still do.

33:17 Adam I mean, but don't you like him as a boyfriend?

33:20 Dr. Bruce No.

33:20 Adam And so you think he's acting weird because he likes you?

33:25 Caller I really don't know. What happened is we went out earlier this year and then we broke up and we still stayed really good friends. And we told each other everything, you know, just best friends. And then he went out with another one of my really good friends. And they broke up just recently. And I'm still really good friends with her. And he's been avoiding everyone who's been going around her and he's just been me included. But the fact that we slept with each other, it just adds to the whole motherhood.

33:54 Caller Well, because, you know, having sex is an extremely... Oh, who cares?

33:58 Adam Listen, this stuff goes on all the time. It's not a real big problem. People do this, it gets a little weird and then it goes away. That's what happens when you're 16.

34:06 Dr. Bruce Well, no. When you're 16, it's...

34:08 Adam If it's weird, don't hang out with it a little bit.

34:10 Caller It's not that it's bad to have sex.

34:11 Dr. Bruce It's...

34:12 Adam Jodie. Yes. It's bad to put your ding-a-ling in her ho-ho. Is that what you're saying?

34:18 Dr. Bruce It's bad for me to try and answer serious questions with Adam Corolla.

34:21 Adam Let me ask Seth a question. So, when you were going for the record and you had the big crack up, I know... How many staples did they put in your head when you crashed?

34:29 About 55.

34:30 Adam 55. And I can see the scars. I mean, it looks like a road map on there. And I mean, his skull really cracked open. Like, you know, they talk about cracking your head open, but this was literally doing it.

34:44 Dr. Bruce This guy's a trauma surgeon's dream.

34:45 Adam Now, what... Did your helmet just bust right off?

34:51 No, I landed so hard out on the flats, past my landing where I should have landed on the downside, that I hit my forehead on the handlebar, the bolt that holds the clutch lever on, went up into my eyebrow through my goggle and missed my helmet. Went into the goggle and ran into my...

35:04 Adam That is such...

35:06 Yeah, I took out my whole eye socket here, crushed my frontal sinus bone, so I had a huge dent in my forehead above my right eyebrow.

35:12 Adam Oh, that is bad news. Hey, let me ask you something, Seth. Let me just give you some tips, if I can. Because I used to race BMX bikes when I was 13, okay?

35:23 Yeah, whatever.

35:24 Adam I was in the novice division. I had a green number plate.

35:28 Dr. Bruce Why don't you give them a notepad?

35:30 Adam Here's what I'm saying.

35:31 Caller Whatever.

35:32 Adam I tell this to the freestyle bike guys who are doing all these crazy things on the BMX bikes. I say, take those big pegs off. Take those buddy pegs off. They go right up your ass if you crash. You don't need them for the jumps. You understand? That bike of yours, all those sharp objects hanging off, the clutch, the brake, all that stuff, you know, why don't you pad that up a little bit? You know what I'm saying? Take all those bolts and grind them down and put some foam rubber on it.

35:57 Dr. Bruce Because he's a professional unlike your amateurish BMX.

35:59 Adam Everything on that bike is a weapon is what I'm saying. You know what I mean? You know what happens? So your head whipped down, went right at the handlebar and this sharp object, the brake lever, went right over his eyebrow and missed the helmet.

36:14 Dr. Bruce Can I just tell Seth about what you consider a participation sport? You'll find him this Saturday morning out flying a remote control airplane.

36:21 Adam Very dangerous.

36:22 Caller Yeah, right up there, right in there in the thick of it.

36:27 Dr. Bruce All right. Tell him this guy is risking his life.

36:29 Adam Jodi?

36:30 Dr. Bruce Yes.

36:31 Adam You're 27.

36:31 Dr. Bruce What happened to this one?

36:32 Adam Freak-getter. Jodi?

36:34 Dr. Bruce Yes.

36:35 Adam What's up there?

36:36 Dr. Bruce I have to see a gynecologist. And I can't stand being penetrated in a medical setting, sexual setting, doesn't matter. It's real painful.

36:44 Adam Do they have sex with you? I've not been to the gynecologist. Do they have sex, Drew? I mean, Bruce, or they just do something with their hand?

36:52 Dr. Bruce She's a serious caller. You know, she's...

36:53 Adam What happened to you, Jodi?

36:56 Dr. Bruce You're not going to believe me, but nothing.

36:58 Adam You're never raped? Never. No one ever put anything in you?

37:03 Dr. Bruce Hard to wrap your mind around, but...

37:05 Adam Really?

37:06 Dr. Bruce I didn't have, didn't try to have sex until I was 19 years old, and it was an unpleasant surprise.

37:13 Dr. Bruce So is it more the pain or the psychic pain? Is it the physical pain?

37:17 Dr. Bruce Physical pain.

37:19 Dr. Bruce Okay.

37:19 Dr. Bruce And I'm not sure there isn't a psychological component to it, but I'm not sure where it's coming from.

37:25 Adam Are you small down there?

37:28 Dr. Bruce I'm told I'm not.

37:30 Adam Oh, that's nice.

37:31 Dr. Bruce By a doctor, I mean.

37:32 Caller Oh, okay.

37:33 Adam Because there's one of the drunken guys your brother hangs out with when he saw him leave.

37:38 Caller Hey, man, you're big, man.

37:40 Dr. Bruce That was my work in theory, but the GP said no.

37:43 Adam I wouldn't say a crotch is big, but a picture of it would weigh 10 pounds.

37:47 Caller Jody, you're such a good sport.

37:49 Adam It's like bringing one of those dinner triangles with my penis.

37:52 Dr. Bruce It's cool. And I'm not as interested in how I got here as to where I go from here, because I want to see a gynecologist. I need to know what I need to ask for in terms of like anxiety and pain control, because if they're going to just try to say hop up in the... .the hospital, it'll be fine. It's not going to be fine.

38:05 Dr. Bruce If they suggest that you hop out the door, with the problem you have, there is everything from giving you something for relaxation to doing a complete exam under anesthesia if necessary. I mean, it just depends on how the evaluation goes. Interviewing you and talking to you about what you're comfortable with and what's happened in the past.

38:25 Adam Nothing happened in the past. You got a boyfriend?

38:27 Dr. Bruce What's happened? I assume somebody's attempted to do the exam before and it didn't work out.

38:34 Adam Do you have a boyfriend?

38:36 Dr. Bruce No.

38:37 Adam What's going on on that front?

38:40 Dr. Bruce Well it seems rather unkind to date when I can't have sex with a man.

38:44 Dr. Bruce But have you ever gone with a sex therapist?

38:47 Dr. Bruce No.

38:48 Dr. Bruce Okay, if you meet somebody you fall in love with. I mean it's a horrible thing to prevent yourself from having a relationship because you assume that it's an impossible task to work with you on this issue. So if there's a sex therapist, a good gynecologist would work with them.

39:02 Adam Hey Jody, why don't you want to do something about this? You just want to go through your whole life this way.

39:10 Dr. Bruce It seems like kind of a big thing to tackle on the air right now, isn't it?

39:12 Dr. Bruce Right.

39:13 Adam All right, hold on a second.

39:15 Dr. Bruce Yeah, I just want to get through a gynecologist's name.

39:17 Adam Hold on a second. Let's shut Bruce's mic off for a second so I can get to some answers here, would you? Anderson? Thank you. Thank you. He's shaking his head no. Hey Jody?

39:26 Dr. Bruce Yes.

39:26 Adam All right, let's just get to the bottom of this real fast. Nothing ever happened to you?

39:30 Dr. Bruce No.

39:31 Adam And your vagina is at regular size?

39:33 Dr. Bruce As far as I know.

39:34 Adam Right. Why do you think then there's so much pain here?

39:38 Dr. Bruce I don't know.

39:39 Adam Okay, but isn't it something you'd want to really pursue, really get to the bottom of? Do you like guys? Don't you miss guys? Don't you want a relationship?

39:47 Dr. Bruce I suppose.

39:50 Adam What's up? How much do you weigh?

39:52 Dr. Bruce Uh, 155.

39:56 Adam Let me do some radio math. Ooh, 172. You're overweight. All right. And...

40:00 Dr. Bruce Mr. Cain Howell?

40:01 Adam Jody, doesn't it seem like you're just kind of... There's something, there's a psychological dynamic, there's a component, an emotional component here that you're not addressing.

40:09 Dr. Bruce Uh-huh.

40:10 Adam You know what I'm saying?

40:11 Dr. Bruce I don't think she wants to on the year.

40:13 Adam Okay, but...

40:13 Dr. Bruce I think she's made a good first step in that.

40:15 Adam Off the air. Why don't you just go to a therapist and work it out, and you can go to a gynecologist and work it out too. All right? Okay. She's very angry. Do they have a theracologist? Like a guy who'll put his hand up to you and ask you about why you're so angry at your parents?

40:32 Dr. Bruce Not at the same time.

40:33 Adam Really?

40:33 Dr. Bruce There was a guy, I saw a 60 Minutes episode, he was telling women he had a new special probe and he was actually using his penis. Did you hear about that, Kay?

40:40 Caller Really? I'm dead serious.

40:41 Adam Good. I got to write that one down.

40:43 Dr. Bruce That's horrible.

40:43 Adam Wouldn't it be nice though, I mean we're getting kind of hurried and today's lifestyle is very fast paced. Oh, where are you going with this? Maybe we should start combining the therapist and the guy in the college show and you blame your mother for what? Could you take your pants off? And so you feel that your mother transferred her pain and anxiety. Hop up on the stirrups please.

41:08 Dr. Bruce What was the name of the porn movie you saw last night?

41:10 Adam I'm just saying, I think a lot of women, especially working women, would go for this. You know, kill two birds with one finger.

41:17 Dr. Bruce Only the women that you date would go for this.

41:18 Adam How dare you. How dare you say that in front of Seth. We're going to take ourselves a little break. Seth Enslow is our guest tonight. He is going to jump his Honda CR250, right? I could one of them too. Yeah, we're going to talk motorcycles.

41:31 Dr. Bruce You know, he's had a severe head injury and I was concerned that he might have some cognitive deficit, but the only person in this room with cognitive deficit is you.

41:39 Caller He's fine.

41:40 Adam Seth cracked his head open six months ago. He's smarter than I am. That's scary.

41:44 Dr. Bruce That's the first correct answer you've gotten.

41:46 Adam Thank you. Alright, we'll be back after this. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Bruce over there. Seth Enslow is our guest tonight. Seth is going to be out at the Santa Ana River bed, and that is right next to the Anaheim Arrowhead pond. And that's going to be this weekend. And there's not only Seth is going to be there, but a lot of freestyle jumpers are going to be there, motocross jumpers. And this is a really, really insane sport. And if you want to see something really cool, you'll go out there this weekend. Seth is only going to be, he's going to be jumping a paltry 200 feet. He will not be going for the record. Last time he was getting ready to go for the record, he had a little meeting with the handlebars and his ice socket. But when do you think you may go for the record again?

43:09 I don't know. I'm just kind of waiting to get some backing behind it. I'd like to have an hour special like Robbie Knievel had, jumping the Grand Canyon next time I go for it, so the world can check it out and get a little money behind it before I just go out trying to make a video.

43:21 Adam Why wouldn't someone like Fox jump on something like that?

43:26 I don't know. We started talking to him, and there's just no definite dates or nothing, so I hope that something works out.

43:32 Adam So you're saying you're going to go for 250 feet. You want someone with a camera to show up at least.

43:37 For sure.

43:38 Dr. Bruce What about extreme sports?

43:39 Adam Oh my God. I got to tell you, there's a lot of so-called daredevil sports. This is by far the hairiest. It is hands down the hairiest. I mean, you can talk about any extreme sport you want, skateboarding or whatever you want to do on a snowmobile, or whatever you want to do on a pair of water skis, whatever it is, this is by far the most extreme and hairiest of them all. This is 75 miles an hour. This is a takeoff ramp that's higher than the roof of your house. This is you traveling well over the height of the telephone poles that are on your street. And this is you going just about as far as a football field on a bike. I mean, total insanity.

44:25 Dr. Bruce Ultimate male testosterone experience.

44:26 Adam Yes, I'd like to give you oral sex after the show. Just so I can get some of that coursing through my veins. What do you say, Bruce?

44:33 Dr. Bruce Oh, me?

44:34 Adam Then you can do it on me, and it'll be like you got some too.

44:38 Dr. Bruce We'll use that new gynecologic probe on you, Adam.

44:41 Adam Very nice.

44:42 Dr. Bruce Keep your mouth shut.

44:43 Adam Mary?

44:43 Yeah?

44:44 Adam You're 15?

44:45 Caller Yeah.

44:45 Adam What's up?

44:46 Caller Okay. Well, I've observed other girls in my school and everything. I mean, even anorexic girls in my breast are unusually small for my age.

44:58 Adam You've observed them like in the showers?

45:01 Caller Like during PE and stuff when we have to change in front of each other and stuff. I just went-

45:04 Adam Slow down, slow down. Are there 15-year-old girls in the shower?

45:10 Caller Well, no, not in the shower.

45:11 Adam In the shower?

45:12 Caller No.

45:13 Adam Were you guys around the shower?

45:15 Caller Uh, no.

45:15 Dr. Bruce I don't shut your mouth.

45:17 Dr. Bruce Yeah. Is your favorite-

45:18 Caller What's wrong with this gym?

45:19 Adam There's no shower?

45:20 Caller Adam, shut up.

45:21 Adam There's no shower?

45:22 Caller No.

45:24 Dr. Bruce Did Mary, did you tell Adam to shut up?

45:26 Caller No.

45:26 Dr. Bruce Oh, darn. Glad you did. I was going to say, I like this.

45:31 Adam All right, so you have small brass.

45:33 Dr. Bruce Wait a second.

45:33 Adam That's fine.

45:34 Dr. Bruce Wait a second. Let me just ask you something. The first thing that happens with puberty, basically, is the breast bud occurring. And so if you've had the biologic initiation, if you start a puberty, there should be at least a little nub in a breast tissue that wasn't there before. Has that happened? Yeah.

45:57 Adam Okay.

45:57 Dr. Bruce So.

45:58 Adam You got a nub.

46:00 Dr. Bruce You got the process going, so your hormones are there.

46:03 Adam Would you say you're a little behind the other girls, not just in the breast department but in other departments?

46:09 Dr. Bruce Pubic hair?

46:11 Caller Uh, no, no.

46:12 Dr. Bruce Underarm hair?

46:13 Caller No.

46:14 Adam Now you got plenty of hair on you?

46:15 Caller Yeah.

46:15 Adam Just the way I like them. No breast, tons of hair.

46:17 Caller Oh, shut up. Okay. Well, I've got a couple of questions.

46:21 Adam All right. That was her same stuff. Mary, let me make you feel better for a second, all right? Guys are not as into the boobs as you girls think.

46:31 Caller Oh, I know. Everyone makes men out to glorify boobs, and I know they're not that important.

46:37 Adam Oh, listen, most guys like a nice ass better than a big rack.

46:42 Caller Okay.

46:42 Adam And you look at all these models, most of them are fairly flat-chested. And they're doing just fine.

46:47 Dr. Bruce You're talking to a 15-year-old.

46:48 Adam So you don't have to worry about it.

46:50 Dr. Bruce Okay.

46:50 Adam I'm putting her at ease. That's all.

46:53 Caller Okay, Bruce. Yes. I've been smoking marijuana for quite a while, and I was wondering, I've heard that that can affect changes, puberty, that can affect it.

47:05 Dr. Bruce Okay, it has hormone-like activity. Some individuals, guys will get breast tissue, gynecomastia.

47:12 Adam Listen, we gotta wrap up because we're going to the break.

47:15 Dr. Bruce Okay.

47:16 All right.

47:16 Adam And Seth has to run because his wife is in labor, and I don't mean having a baby next week. I mean, she's having it tonight. You guys are going to the hospital, right?

47:24 Yeah, she's having contractions five minutes apart for the last hour, so she's probably pretty ready.

47:29 Adam That is a trooper, tracks her to the radio station. God bless you. That is a true daredevil. That's the kind of pain you could pay for for a long time. All right, let me just say this because we got to let Seth go. Small breasts, fine. Smoking the weed probably makes you obsess about the small breasts a little too much. It doesn't stunt your breast growth, but it makes you freak out and get depressed about it. So get off the weed anyway. Don't worry about your breath or breast or breath. And everyone go out to the Santa Ana Riverbed across from the Arrowhead Pond this weekend and see Seth go for 200 feet. Thanks for coming by, Seth. Good luck with the kid. If it's a boy, name it after me, right?

48:06 I think it's supposed to be a girl, but we'll see.

48:08 Adam If it's a girl, you name it after me.

48:09 Sure.

48:10 Dr. Bruce Okay.

48:10 Adam We'll be there.

48:12 Caller Hello, this is your radio. Love Line will be right back.

48:58 Adam Hey there, kiddies.

49:00 Dr. Bruce So, Adam, we're going to modify Seth's bike for you, John?

49:02 Adam I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Bruce. Speaking out of turn, as usual, Dr. Bruce filled in for Dr. Drew, who will be back tomorrow night. Allegedly, he had to address Congress. I got to hear all about why that didn't work out when he comes back.

49:17 Caller Well, I'm having anal sex with my boyfriend, and I just, I don't want to, he wants to go all the way with me.

49:22 Adam Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Bruce, board certified, addiction medicine specialist and emergency medicine specialist. Although, he did kind of post out a little over there. Seth Enslow's girlfriend is, Thank God. They are literally going to the hospital right now so that she can have their child. And I said, hey, don't worry about it. We got Dr. Bruce here, emergency medicine, and he, blah, blah, blah, blah. No, no, no, no. I don't deliver kids.

49:48 Dr. Bruce No.

49:48 Caller Come on, don't be such a pussy.

49:50 Adam That's right. So, I still don't believe you're a real doctor.

49:53 Dr. Bruce I just want to tell you this. I have my boards in adolescent medicine too. And you never mention that because you don't want to admit that I have expertise in the area of teenagers.

50:02 Adam You wish you had some in high school.

50:04 Dr. Bruce Oh, yeah. I wish I knew what I knew.

50:06 Adam Hey, Anderson, how about we hear some more of those out of context Drew drops? They never get old. I just love them all.

50:13 Caller I'm a rapist. Oh. Yes, you're a rapist. Grandes exitos en español. Unacceptable. Want to get high? Where's your penis?

50:29 Adam It's in your ass, Drew.

50:31 Caller It doesn't change your poo. Pearly peanut papula.

50:37 Adam These are new ones.

50:38 Caller Pee on this stick for me.

50:39 Dr. Bruce Anderson's working overtime.

50:41 Painful erection that will not go away.

50:44 Adam Play the faggot better run.

50:46 Caller All right, all right, all right.

50:48 Caller I recently... faggot better run.

50:51 Dr. Bruce No, it used to be... faggot better run like hell. Now, what happened to that one?

50:54 Adam It wasn't faggot better run like hell.

50:56 Dr. Bruce It used to be years ago.

50:57 Adam When you were high?

50:57 Dr. Bruce Before you were here.

50:59 Adam Oh, shut up. He did that after I was here.

51:01 Caller I was here before you were here, Adam.

51:02 Caller Hey, dickweed. Really, you jerk. You really, you really, really hurt me. You can't come and go like that and expect it just to be OK. Deal with the fact that I am gay.

51:14 Caller Crazy stuff.

51:15 Caller Corn horn, corn horn, corn horn. Can I say that?

51:19 Adam All right there, Anderson.

51:21 Dr. Bruce Did you ever have him play this on the MTV version without Drew's permission?

51:25 Adam No.

51:25 Dr. Bruce Oh, I'd enjoy that.

51:26 Caller Be clean. I mean, come clean. I mean...

51:30 Caller What was that?

51:31 Adam Ronnie?

51:32 Caller Hey, how's it going?

51:33 Adam You're 17. What's up?

51:35 Caller Well, my girlfriend was date-raped. She lost her virginity to kind of a bald head. And ever since then, she goes to these streaks where she's super sexual, she loves me and all this stuff. And then all of a sudden, she stops everything and says she doesn't love. She said, I don't think you love me. And she wants me to give her a promise reading this stuff. And I'm like, hey, I'm 17, you know?

52:01 Adam How old is she?

52:03 Caller She's 16.

52:03 Adam And what do you mean she was date-raped?

52:06 Caller Well, there's a guy that, like, you know, like, loves her over life and stuff like that. And they weren't really together and stuff like that. And no high school drama. And he said he loved her and he wanted to be with her. So she was going to have sex with him. And right before sex, she goes, no, I don't want to do this. And basically, he's all like, well, you are a bitch. And made her have sex with him.

52:30 Dr. Bruce OK, well, so she was date-raped. But it sounds like she's got some chaotic, boundaryless features to her personality from even your brief description. So she may have had some chaos-producing habits before she was date-raped. And you're experiencing that same type of thing. And you're a different kind of guy that's not going to do what the other guy did.

52:46 Caller So you don't think that just got to be dead because of me because I'm one of those kind of one of the redneck guys that just hates that.

52:55 Dr. Bruce But can you can you feel the possibility of being manipulated?

52:58 Adam You're saying you're pro-rape or anti-date rape? Anti-rape.

53:02 Dr. Bruce Yeah, he killed the guy, right. Can you feature the possibility that she was a little bit manipulative or didn't have good boundaries before that happened though? She's got a personality issue that's going on that has been there and will be there and that this isn't going to change the way she is with you. It'll probably get worse.

53:20 Caller Yeah, she does a lot of stuff for attention.

53:22 Dr. Bruce So what do you want to do? It's not going to change.

53:24 Caller Honestly, this is a girl that I really love. I really want to take care of her and I want to be the best boyfriend for her.

53:31 Dr. Bruce There are meetings for you and there's therapy for her. So...

53:35 Adam Oh, he doesn't need me in meetings.

53:37 Dr. Bruce No, no, no, he's really in love with her, in other words, no matter what she does. So it's a little bit codependent a little bit.

53:42 Adam Hey Ronnie, let me tell you the truth. I was just talking about this in my shrink's office this morning. People don't change that much. Even when you want them to change, even when you try to change, hell, I pay people to change now, they don't change. All right? And here's all you can do. Instead of spending your life banging your head against the wall trying to get someone to change that either is unwilling or unable to change, you move on and hang around with people you don't have to change. People that are right just the way they are, like my good friend Dr. Bruce over here.

54:15 Dr. Bruce I'm just right the way I am.

54:17 Adam That's right. Right. That's why we don't hang out.

54:19 Caller Yeah, I got it.

54:21 Adam Justin? Yeah? You're 19. Uh-huh. What is that?

54:26 Caller I am attracted to younger girls, women.

54:32 Adam Yeah. Are you on a speakerphone?

54:35 Caller No, I'm on a cell phone.

54:37 Dr. Bruce Okay. So when did you notice this? How long school?

54:42 Dr. Bruce When I was about 16.

54:45 Adam When you're 16, you're attracted to four and five-year-olds or what?

54:48 Caller No, no, no.

54:49 Like 12.

54:51 Adam 12.

54:51 Caller 12, 13, 14, 15.

54:53 Dr. Bruce Okay. What happened to you when you were younger?

54:56 Caller Surprisingly enough, nothing.

54:59 Adam I see.

55:00 My parents got divorced, but...

55:02 Adam Do you ever act on this?

55:03 Caller Never.

55:04 Adam All right. So you're attracted to 12-year-olds?

55:07 Caller Well, yeah.

55:08 Caller Not actively.

55:09 Caller Well, yeah.

55:10 Caller Yeah, I guess so, yeah.

55:11 Adam Do you masturbate to them?

55:14 Caller Occasionally.

55:15 Adam That means four times a day. So, okay. But, Justin, here's the thing. I don't really care what people fantasize about or think about. I only care as it relates to their actions. If you're fantasizing about it because you're about to do it, then I think we should be talking about it. And if it's just your little dirty secret and you never plan on doing anything about it, then that's fine.

55:36 Caller Well, I'm just afraid. Well, not really afraid that I would act on it, but I wouldn't hesitate to.

55:44 Dr. Bruce Right.

55:45 Adam You wouldn't hesitate to have sex with a 12-year-old?

55:49 Caller Well, I don't know about a 12-year-old, but like 11, 14.

55:53 Adam Oh, I see.

55:53 Dr. Bruce Clashy. Have you been to a therapist? Have you talked to a mental health professional about it?

55:59 Caller Not about this, no.

56:00 Dr. Bruce Okay, listen. You know what? This is something that you've got staring you in the face, and you know, I know, even Adam knows what's going to happen if you don't do something about it.

56:10 Adam Even Adam? I'm sorry. That's right. All right. So you got to do something about it. Go to a therapist, work it out. Yeah.

56:16 Caller Here's the deal.

56:18 Adam Work it out, not only for the 12-year-old, you may screw up one day, but for you who may end up in jail because you screwed up the 12-year-old. Right. Do it for you. Listen, all you screwed up SOBs who are listening to this show, do this stuff for you, not the person you're going to rape, not the person you're going to kill, not the underage person you're going to ruin. Do it for you and the reason I say do it for you is because you shoot someone, they're dead, and now you're in prison. You raped someone, they're damaged, now you're in prison getting raped. You know what I'm saying? Look at it as a selfish act. I don't want to rape someone, I don't want to shoot someone, I'm going to do something about it. But I do got to say something on justice's behalf. I was driving, I think it was Monday, back to the hardware store about noon, I drove by Junior High, and the girls were jogging, you know, the other girls, they were just jogging like the cross country team.

57:17 Dr. Bruce This can't be going anywhere good.

57:18 Adam I gotta tell you, I looked.

57:19 Dr. Bruce Oh my God.

57:20 Adam Wow, what are you gonna do? I didn't slow down or anything. Well, I slowed down, I mean, I didn't stop. What are you gonna do?

57:27 Dr. Bruce It's normal.

57:28 Adam That's normal?

57:29 Dr. Bruce Yeah, okay. But what worries me is that somebody gets hold of Justin that's one of these man-boy love association things.

57:35 Adam Well, those are fags. Those aren't dudes.

57:38 Dr. Bruce I shoot rats in my garage, I would like to shoot those guys. That's the feeling I have. I wouldn't do it. But it makes you so angry.

57:43 Adam But the man-boy love association, you're talking about Mambla?

57:46 Caller I don't know what I'm just, they're adults.

57:47 Adam They're raping guys, not chicks.

57:50 Dr. Bruce Right. But the whole point is children, they're raping children, male or female. And what worries me is that one of these characters gets hold of Justin and it gives him a rationalization for an acting out behavior.

57:59 Adam Yeah, but they're all fags. You understand?

58:02 Dr. Bruce No. Homosexuality is not child molestation. Faggot better run. These guys are child molesters.

58:08 Adam Right.

58:09 Dr. Bruce And homosexuality has nothing to do with-

58:10 Adam I know, but I'm saying that Mambla is a man-boy-love association. You know what I mean?

58:18 Dr. Bruce I understand that.

58:19 Adam There's a group. Hey, there's a bumper sticker for you.

58:22 Dr. Bruce That's a group that we can all-

58:23 Adam Slap that on your car.

58:24 Dr. Bruce We can all agree to hate. There's no one that's not gonna hate.

58:27 Adam They're doing a lot of good work in the community.

58:31 Dr. Bruce Yeah, right. Yeah, enemies for-

58:33 Adam They're arranging summer camps, sleepovers, picnics.

58:37 Dr. Bruce Let me tell you something. Until you-

58:38 Adam Taking a lot of people, a lot of inner-city youth, and taking them out to the country for a couple of weeks. Really showing them nature.

58:44 Dr. Bruce Yeah. I'm not a man of action or violence, but once you have kids, if you imagine an adult violating your child, then you imagine-

58:55 Adam Killing that person.

58:55 Dr. Bruce Killing that person.

58:56 Adam Yeah. Shooting them just like the rats they are. And Bruce got a lot of crap for saying on the air he shot rats with his.22 in his backyard. And by the way, that means you're not living in a great neighborhood if A, there's rats, and B, you can get a.22 out without any fear of anyone calling the cops and just start shooting it in your backyard. That is hillbilly, actually.

59:16 Dr. Bruce Hey, it was two in the morning after I got home from the- It was in my garage.

59:20 Adam That's how Jet Clampit hit oil, you know. It's what time?

59:25 Dr. Bruce Oh, I got up to about two in the morning.

59:27 Adam Two a.m. and you're firing off a 22?

59:30 Dr. Bruce They were-

59:31 Adam Rifle?

59:31 Dr. Bruce CBs. CBs that don't make any noise. There's-

59:35 Adam Do you have Silencer on it?

59:36 Dr. Bruce No. What are you, a white hit man? CBs are a type of 22 bullet.

59:39 Adam Yeah.

59:40 Dr. Bruce Yeah. They're not as- They don't make any noise when you-

59:43 Adam Really? Is that how you're going to take out your mother-in-law?

59:46 Dr. Bruce She's already passed away.

59:47 Adam Oh, you already took her out?

59:48 Dr. Bruce No.

59:49 Adam Contract or did you do that?

59:51 Dr. Bruce No more coffee for you.

59:52 Adam All right. Where are we going here, brother?

59:53 Dr. Bruce I think the lesbian call is-

59:55 Adam Nice.

59:55 Caller Next.

59:57 Adam Rachel?

59:57 Caller Yes.

59:58 Caller You're 18?

59:59 Caller Hi. First, Adam, I want to say that you're really hilarious. Me and my roommate laugh at you all the time.

1:00:03 Adam Thank you. You laugh at me or you laugh with me?

1:00:07 Caller Well, with you.

1:00:08 Caller Thank you.

1:00:09 Caller Tell the truth.

1:00:11 Caller Well, the problem is I've been speaking to this girl for a while. I've grown up in group homes and I met her in a placement when I was with another girl at the time. Basically, after the girl treated me like crap, she came and she treated me good and stuff. But the thing is that now that the rumor is getting around that she's with me, she's denying it and then when I go over there, she gets mad when other girls try to talk to me.

1:00:35 Adam All right. Hold on a second.

1:00:36 Dr. Bruce I'm confused.

1:00:37 Adam You grew up in group homes because where's your mom and your dad?

1:00:41 Caller My dad used to beat me.

1:00:42 Adam I see.

1:00:42 Caller My mom was never around.

1:00:44 Adam I see. So you're taken away from your parents? Yes. How old were you?

1:00:48 Caller I was six.

1:00:50 Adam Ever since the age of six, you grew up in a group home?

1:00:52 Caller Yes.

1:00:53 Adam Now, when you're growing up in a group home, are you hoping to be adopted?

1:00:57 Caller Not really. I didn't really expect it, but it was in my mind sometimes. When I saw other people leave.

1:01:04 Adam Where are you calling from?

1:01:04 Caller I'm calling from Hollywood.

1:01:06 Adam My dad used to work at a place called Five Acres, which is out in Alta Dena. Essentially group home, right?

1:01:14 Caller I don't know.

1:01:15 Adam You go to school either on campus or on your group home property, or you could go off to school and you live in like a bungalow with a bunch of people?

1:01:26 Caller Well, see, the thing is that I grew up in places, but now I'm out. I'm emancipated. I'm in a transitional housing, and she's still emplacing me. And I kind of try to give her the benefit of the doubt, like maybe she thinks I'm going to cheat on her or something, because I have a lot of people that know me out here.

1:01:39 Adam Why do you figure you're a lesbian?

1:01:43 Caller Honestly, being emplacement, they have mandatory therapy, so sometimes the therapist has told me it's because of my dad. But I don't really think that that's the reason, because I have a lot of really close friends that are guys.

1:01:54 Adam You don't mind guys?

1:01:56 Caller Oh, no.

1:01:56 Adam You're just attracted to women?

1:01:57 Caller Yeah.

1:01:58 Adam Good. And that means no kids, right?

1:02:00 Caller Right.

1:02:01 Adam You don't have any kids, do you?

1:02:02 Caller No.

1:02:03 Adam Good times.

1:02:03 Caller She does.

1:02:04 Adam Oh, she does? Fantastic. She has kids and she's still living in the group home?

1:02:10 Caller She's 19.

1:02:12 Adam All right. And what are you going to do now that you're out?

1:02:15 Caller Well, I eventually want to become a veterinarian, so I'm working on that.

1:02:20 Adam Hey, let me tell you something. Good luck. There ain't a young lesbian alive who doesn't dream about being a veterinarian.

1:02:25 Caller What?

1:02:26 Adam First off, there's no- okay, hold on a second. I have never spoken to a female, and after asking her what she wanted to do when she was younger, when she thought she was going to grow up, every time the answer is veterinarian.

1:02:42 Dr. Bruce Does that mean that every girl that wants to be a veterinarian is a lesbian, or it doesn't go both ways?

1:02:46 Adam Every girl before the age of 12 who wants to be a veterinarian is straight. After their 13th birthday, if they still want to be a veterinarian, lesbian.

1:02:56 Dr. Bruce Fascinating.

1:02:56 Adam Because lesbians love working around animals.

1:02:59 Dr. Bruce Have you published this data?

1:03:01 Adam I've looked into it. Go to a kennel, everyone.

1:03:05 Caller Danielle's never wanted to be a vet.

1:03:07 Adam Never wanted to be a veterinarian, Danielle? What did you want to do? You didn't want to answer phones for this crappy show, did you?

1:03:14 Caller I just wanted to marry a rich Jewish boy.

1:03:16 Adam Oh, actually, wait a minute. I have to make a denim to this. Jewish women don't want to be veterinarians. It's like, all that cow crap, fat.

1:03:26 Dr. Bruce Sacrifice the cows.

1:03:27 Adam Yeah, no way am I putting this beautiful engagement ring up some cow's ass.

1:03:33 Caller Yeah, the diamond would tear the cow's rectum.

1:03:35 Adam This doesn't go for Jewish girls. All right, so...

1:03:38 Dr. Bruce We got to give Rachel some advice.

1:03:40 Adam Listen, Rachel.

1:03:42 Dr. Bruce Is she out of the closet?

1:03:44 Caller I don't know. The thing is that there's a girl there, because I used to live there with her. And there's a girl there that used to like me. And people that know me also from there have told me that that girl went and asked the girl that I'm with now, well, supposedly with now, and she told her that we had kissed, but we never have. Like, basically, to get the other girl to back off. So I don't... It's like mixed messages. And then she tells me, oh, good things come to those who wait. And, you know, she tells me how she cares about me and stuff. And then when it's around everyone else, I'm her friend.

1:04:15 Adam You know how many years of college it takes to be a veterinarian?

1:04:18 Caller I think it's seven.

1:04:19 Adam Holy Christ.

1:04:20 Dr. Bruce It's harder than getting in medical school.

1:04:22 Adam Yeah, I'm a genius and I couldn't do that, Rachel. You got to set your sights a little lower. Aim toward the ground. You'll never be disappointed. So, Rachel, listen, I don't trust this girl. Plus, she's got a couple of kids. You're in your... You moved up and out into your transitional housing, right?

1:04:39 Caller Yes.

1:04:39 Adam What is that transitional housing?

1:04:41 Caller It's basically like they give you an apartment and you have to pay rent. But as far as everything, like the utilities are concerned, they don't make you pay that. But basically, the rent that you pay gets saved up.

1:04:52 Adam I see.

1:04:53 Caller And the program I'm in...

1:04:54 Adam And they give it back to you?

1:04:55 Caller Yeah, they give it all back to you.

1:04:56 Adam Hey, Rachel?

1:04:57 Caller Yes?

1:04:57 Adam You want to know who's really paying the rent?

1:04:59 Caller Who?

1:04:59 Adam Me. I pay it.

1:05:02 Caller Well, thank you.

1:05:03 Adam Yeah. Everyone who lives in transitional housing, you have me to thank. I paid your rent and your utilities last week. All right. Hey, Rachel, take care of yourself. Forget about this chick. She's in your past. You guys were like in prison together practically. That's why you have feelings for her. Your head was in a bad place. She's got a couple of kids. She's 19. She's still living in the group home. You got your whole future ahead of you. You get your own ass together. Move forward. Don't look back.

1:05:26 Caller Okay.

1:05:27 Adam Take care of yourself. You're smart, you're strong, you're proud.

1:05:30 Caller Okay.

1:05:31 Adam All right.

1:05:31 Caller Thank you, Adam.

1:05:32 Adam Thank you, baby.

1:05:34 Dr. Bruce Good work.

1:05:34 Adam She'll be fine. She had her head screwed on straight.

1:05:37 Dr. Bruce Five minutes from now, she'll be over there.

1:05:39 Adam I got to go over there. I got to extinguish that veterinarian dream of hers though. Are you kidding me? Seven years of college. No way. No way. You know how much college I have, Bruce?

1:05:52 Dr. Bruce Well, you have apprenticeships equivalent to probably several college degrees.

1:05:55 Adam That's right. I would like to be like Bill Cosby. I would like to pick myself at university, show up and have a degree bestowed upon me. Yeah.

1:06:04 Dr. Bruce Well, I don't think your family values, credentials are quite what Bill Cosby's are.

1:06:09 Adam Sheree? Yes, hi. You're 22.

1:06:11 Dr. Bruce I didn't pick that call.

1:06:12 Adam I did.

1:06:13 Dr. Bruce This is, all right.

1:06:14 Adam Who cares?

1:06:14 Dr. Bruce This is a much better call.

1:06:15 Adam Okay. Hold on, Sheree. You're too boring. Nick?

1:06:20 Caller Hey.

1:06:21 Adam You're 16?

1:06:22 Caller Yeah.

1:06:22 Adam What's up?

1:06:23 Caller Not much, Adam. Well, I got a problem, though.

1:06:25 Caller Good.

1:06:27 Caller Well, I was checking out my history on my computer the other day, and when I pulled it down, I saw all these porno sites that I never went to. Yeah. I figure it must be my dad, and they're really disgusting porno sites too.

1:06:40 Adam What kind? There's no such thing as disgusting porn. How dare you?

1:06:43 Caller Oh, I'm sorry, Adam. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

1:06:46 Dr. Bruce The gal last night who found the OTS.

1:06:48 Caller Yeah, it was like the fatty porn and all these other, like...

1:06:53 Adam Okay.

1:06:54 Caller It's ugly.

1:06:55 Adam I see. And now, is your mom still married to your dad?

1:06:59 Caller Yep.

1:07:00 Adam And so you figure he was browsing through some porn on your computer. Yeah.

1:07:05 Caller He's probably doing it right now.

1:07:06 Adam Who bought the computer?

1:07:08 Caller I split it with my dad.

1:07:10 Adam All right. So he should be able to watch half the porn on it. That's the way I look at it.

1:07:14 Dr. Bruce How do you feel about it?

1:07:16 Caller It's sort of sick.

1:07:17 Adam A little disappointed, maybe?

1:07:19 Caller Yeah.

1:07:19 Caller I'm sort of worried that my mom might figure out how to use it and see it and blame it on me and think I'm looking at it.

1:07:24 Adam It's kind of weird when you realize your parents are a-holes. You know what I mean?

1:07:30 Dr. Bruce Or sexual a-holes.

1:07:30 Adam I came to that realization at nine and a half, ten. But there comes a point in everyone's life when they realize their parents are flawed and their people and they have their weaknesses and they're not super mommy and super daddy anymore. And I think, Nick, you've come to that fork in the road. And I'm sorry that your dad has disappointed you this way. On the other hand, you look at porn too. He looks at porn. Him and your mom probably aren't having as much fun as they used to in the sack. And I wouldn't freak out about it. I wouldn't confront him. I'd just leave him alone. He works hard, doesn't get any sex, prostate hurts. Let the guy look at some porn.

1:08:15 Dr. Bruce It depends on how disturbed Nick is about it. Being there, it sounds like he's most concerned his mom might blame him for it.

1:08:22 Adam Well, if that day comes...

1:08:24 Dr. Bruce He might want to show his dad how to hide that kind of stuff.

1:08:26 Adam Pin it on pops.

1:08:26 Dr. Bruce Let the kids know how to...

1:08:27 Adam Yeah, leave him a little post-it that says, here's how you hide that.

1:08:32 Dr. Bruce Okay, you want to go to your herpes?

1:08:34 Adam Too many kids confronting their parents. I don't like that. My kids ever try to confront me. I'll show them the back of my hand.

1:08:41 Dr. Bruce You'll slap them around with a big marijuana joint.

1:08:43 Adam I'll hit them with one of my expensive slippers.

1:08:47 Dr. Bruce I'd love to see you with the kids. It'll be God's revenge.

1:08:50 Adam Oh, I'm going to be a great father.

1:08:53 Dr. Bruce You probably will. They'll all have, what do you call them, 10 penny nails in their mouth?

1:08:59 Adam You don't hear about 10 pennies. Mostly 8 penny and 16 penny nails. But let me tell you this. I'm not going to try to ram the whole sports and construction thing down my kid's throat because I know he'll go gay on me.

1:09:10 Dr. Bruce I was going to say, the greatest thing would be if you had a gay child.

1:09:14 Adam It's going to happen. Listen, my dad is the biggest pussy in the universe.

1:09:17 Dr. Bruce But he's not gay.

1:09:19 Adam My dad? No.

1:09:20 Dr. Bruce He was a great guy.

1:09:22 Adam Technically, he's not gay. Technically, but he leads the gay lifestyle. He walks around in bad sandals. He reads a lot.

1:09:30 Dr. Bruce That's 60s.

1:09:31 Adam He doesn't like sports. He doesn't like cars.

1:09:34 Dr. Bruce Timothy Leary, when he'd show up, he would have the same type of garb on.

1:09:36 Adam He can't build. He's useless, my dad. Understand? If this was 100 years ago, they'd just kill him. He couldn't do anything. He couldn't build anything. He couldn't do anything. So he's useless. But I decide to go 180 degrees away from that. So I may use that same strategy on my kid. You know what I'm saying?

1:09:58 Dr. Bruce Well, there's a truth that I don't... I'm not sure you're ready to hear, but...

1:10:01 Adam What is it?

1:10:01 Dr. Bruce When he was here for the show, there was a way he looked at you. And it was... It wasn't that you've gone 180 degrees from his vocation that you're doing building. It was the look... He's a psychologist, right?

1:10:12 Adam Right.

1:10:12 Dr. Bruce It was the look of a psychologist for a patient.

1:10:15 Adam Oh.

1:10:17 Dr. Bruce Not for a father and a wayward son.

1:10:19 Adam Right. But it wasn't that look of...

1:10:22 Dr. Bruce It was a Sigmund Freud, what is he stuck up his butt this time?

1:10:25 Adam I saw the way your dad looked at you, though. It was the look of a gay bartender to a guy in chaps. Oh, yes.

1:10:31 Dr. Bruce You'd like my dad. He builds things.

1:10:32 Adam Yeah, I'd like him more.

1:10:33 Dr. Bruce Doesn't work with metal.

1:10:34 Adam We'll take a break. We'll be back.

1:10:38 Caller Love Line will be right back, so get your problems ready.

1:10:42 Caller Ready, ready, ready.

1:11:12 Caller Hey, Loveline.

1:11:13 Caller There you go, everybody.

1:11:14 Adam I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Bruce, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Bruce, film in for Dr. Drew. Just another 33 minutes and counting to go.

1:11:27 Caller Adam, sit up.

1:11:29 Dr. Bruce And then we get to go and socialize.

1:11:30 Adam Yeah. Bruce always wants to hang out. Now, I like hanging out with Bruce because he's a human being. Drew is not. Drew is a hobby-less. I'm trying to think of the right way to say that, but he has no hobby.

1:11:44 Dr. Bruce Well, as kids, he spends tons of time with his kids. It's a priority.

1:11:47 Adam Yeah, he says he spends tons of time with his kids and it's a priority. But every weekend, where is the guy?

1:11:54 Dr. Bruce Where's the kid?

1:11:55 Adam He's out in Indiana chasing a nickel somewhere. Seriously. You call that a dad?

1:12:00 Dr. Bruce I think he's chasing those new dollar coins.

1:12:02 Adam Let me tell you something. I swear to God, I think some guys just have kids so they can talk about their kids and talk about how they should spend time with them and talk about how precious they are. Drew, here's what happens. I'm single. My pornography, those are my children, okay? And the weekend comes around and our people say to us, hey, you want to go out to Ithaca, New York and talk to a bunch of idiots for almost no money? And I say, hell no, I'm staying here. And Drew goes, I'll go.

1:12:36 Dr. Bruce He goes without you?

1:12:37 Adam And he goes alone. That's right.

1:12:39 Caller So you have the inflatable dolls at home?

1:12:42 Adam Someone swings by the ATM, gives him 20 bucks, he flies out to Ithaca and he's gone the whole weekend. Now does that mean you love your family? You want to spend time with your family? You're winging off to all these nickel and dime events around the country?

1:12:56 Dr. Bruce I'm trying to glean a moral to this. You're home with the inflatable sex toys and he's...

1:13:01 Adam Listen, he's hiding from his wife. That's why he travels so much.

1:13:04 Dr. Bruce He can't hide from Susan.

1:13:06 Adam It's not easy, but he's trying. He's trying, he's hiding. Cherie?

1:13:11 Caller Are you sure? I can keep holding if you want.

1:13:13 Adam No, no. Hang on. She's being sarcastic. Matt?

1:13:19 This is Matt.

1:13:20 Adam Matt? Is this Matt?

1:13:22 This is Matt.

1:13:23 Adam You're 25, what's up?

1:13:24 Caller I'm 25. I have a question for you. Yeah. I've had a girlfriend for like the last two years. And it's just been like, it's been kind of copasaggy, but...

1:13:42 Dr. Bruce She gets in the way of your sex toys. You'd prefer them to her?

1:13:45 Caller Well, no, that's the thing is just like I want to see if she wants to like, you know, get crazy and like do different things.

1:13:54 Adam Hey, man, are you drunk?

1:13:56 Caller What's that?

1:13:57 Adam You got a little buzz going?

1:13:58 Caller No, no, I just...

1:14:00 Dr. Bruce A little nervous?

1:14:01 Adam A little nervous?

1:14:02 Caller Totally nervous.

1:14:02 Adam Oh, okay. Hey, buddy, don't be nervous.

1:14:05 Caller What?

1:14:05 Dr. Bruce He's talking to the sensitive Adam Carolla.

1:14:07 Adam Well, where are you calling from, brother?

1:14:10 Caller What's that?

1:14:10 Adam Where are you calling from?

1:14:12 Caller I'm calling from Port of Hardin.

1:14:14 Adam Kiss my ass, you idiots. You're not calling from Port of Hardin.

1:14:18 Caller It doesn't matter where I'm calling from.

1:14:20 Dr. Bruce What state? No one's going to narrow it down. What state are you in?

1:14:25 Caller It doesn't matter.

1:14:26 Adam All right. You're right. It does not matter. Hold on a second. Cherie?

1:14:33 Caller Yeah, hi.

1:14:34 Adam Hang on just another second, all right, baby? Unless you want to kiss my ass real fast.

1:14:38 Caller Sure, why not?

1:14:38 Adam You want to apologize for dropping some attitude?

1:14:41 Caller All right, I'm sorry.

1:14:42 Dr. Bruce I'll lose the sarcasm.

1:14:43 Caller That's all for you.

1:14:46 Dr. Bruce I hate when they respond to you.

1:14:48 Adam I'll tell you, I swear to Christ, there's nothing better than this hold button. I wish I could have one installed in my mom, my grandmother, and everyone I work with. I really do. I'd smack that thing in a second. And you know what's great too? All you got to do is slap it once, let someone hang out for about a half hour, and they come back their sweetest sugar. I know they want to kill you, but it straightens their attitude right out. You become king of the world with this hold button. Oh yeah, yeah. Watch this. Watch. Hey, Sherry.

1:15:12 Caller That's not my— Oh.

1:15:13 Adam But on hold. Now watch this. Right back, Sherry. Sherry.

1:15:16 Caller Kiss my ass.

1:15:17 Adam Oh, how dare you? Now you apologize or I'll put you back on hold.

1:15:22 Caller Okay, I'm sorry.

1:15:23 Adam Okay.

1:15:26 Dr. Bruce The analogy.

1:15:28 Adam Sherry, am I handsome?

1:15:29 Caller Kiss my ass, Adam.

1:15:31 Adam You think— You find me attractive?

1:15:33 Dr. Bruce That was my female voice.

1:15:34 Adam Sherry?

1:15:35 Dr. Bruce Yeah?

1:15:36 Adam Do you find me attractive?

1:15:37 Dr. Bruce You are so hot.

1:15:38 Caller There you go.

1:15:38 Caller You're not as hot as Dr. Drew, but— Oh, back on hold.

1:15:41 Caller How dare you?

1:15:42 Dr. Bruce How— She hasn't even seen me.

1:15:44 Adam The temerity. You're lucky.

1:15:46 Dr. Bruce Ah, Sherry, we just— Listen.

1:15:48 Adam Yeah?

1:15:48 Dr. Bruce Being in here, I feel like listening to these people, it's like when Bush said to Cheney, that guy's a real a-hole.

1:15:57 Adam Right. And Cheney agreeing.

1:15:58 Dr. Bruce Asshole. These people are agreeing with you the same way Cheney did. They get sucked into a line. That's right.

1:16:03 Adam That's right. They're my minion. They're my lemmings.

1:16:06 Dr. Bruce Sherry?

1:16:07 Caller Sherry.

1:16:07 Adam Sherry, go ahead, baby. What's your question?

1:16:09 Caller Okay. I was diagnosed with general herpes last October, and I've been with the same guy for four years, and he doesn't have any symptoms. So my doctor suggested that I may have gotten it from oral sex with him.

1:16:25 Adam So does he have oral herpes?

1:16:28 Caller Well, occasionally we both do. We get, you know, occasional kinks or something. Right.

1:16:32 Adam Okay.

1:16:34 Caller So I guess one of my questions is how likely is that? But another question I have is this. I was raped in July of 98, and I didn't have any symptoms until probably July or August of 99.

1:16:50 Adam What happened with the rape?

1:16:53 Caller Well, it was 4th of July, and we had been-

1:16:55 Adam Well, enough said.

1:16:56 Caller Yeah, barbecuing, drinking all day, and I had too much to drink and got sick and passed out, and was raped while I was-

1:17:05 Adam Who raped you?

1:17:08 Caller Well, we lived in a college housing complex, not the dorms, but your first year where you can live off campus.

1:17:15 Adam Yeah.

1:17:16 Caller So I was at a friend's place, and he happened to be at the party.

1:17:21 Adam And he raped you?

1:17:22 Caller Yeah.

1:17:23 Dr. Bruce Was he drunk too?

1:17:24 Caller What? I'm sorry?

1:17:25 Dr. Bruce Was he drunk?

1:17:26 Caller He probably was. Yeah, he had been to the party.

1:17:29 Adam Let me tell you something. It makes me sad to be a man, but a woman gets drunk and passes out, it's like a hobo looking down and seeing a wallet. I mean, it really is. Guys, look at that as an opportunity. It's like, hey, she's barely breathing. I can hump her.

1:17:44 Dr. Bruce Well, if they're drunk, they do, that's for sure.

1:17:46 Adam Even sober guys do. Did you ever bring any charges against this guy?

1:17:50 Caller I did, but it ended up being my word against his. And he said that I was okay with it. And I wasn't.

1:17:59 Adam How was your boyfriend with it?

1:18:01 Caller He was pissed. He's actually the one that called the police.

1:18:05 Adam I see. Oh boy, that's a pain in the ass. So you're thinking maybe he gave you the herpes.

1:18:09 Caller Well, that's what I was wondering, but I didn't have any symptoms until about a year after that.

1:18:15 Adam Yeah.

1:18:15 Caller My question is, could it take that long before I had any symptoms? Or do you think it's more likely that I got it from oral sex?

1:18:21 Adam All right, Bruce. First off, can oral herpes be transmitted? So, and number two, from what I've heard Drew talk about, when you get herpes, if you get it, something comes on within a week or so, a couple of weeks.

1:18:36 Dr. Bruce First outbreak is usually the worst. You have fever, body aches, you get sick. Most people do.

1:18:42 Adam So, the guy who raped you probably didn't give it to you.

1:18:46 Caller Okay.

1:18:47 Adam Because it was a year later. And your boyfriend, who has the oral, may have given it to you.

1:18:52 Caller Okay.

1:18:53 Dr. Bruce It's just gonna be speculative because in a woman you could have the lesions inside. Maybe you didn't get that sick with the first outbreak.

1:18:59 Adam First outbreak, I don't know. I'd go with the boyfriend orally. That's what I, that's where, smart money is with the canker on the boyfriend. Why think the guy?

1:19:11 Dr. Bruce I'm not sure what the significance is.

1:19:12 Adam Well, why go through the rest of your life thinking the guy raped you, gave you herpes?

1:19:16 Dr. Bruce Yeah, if you can avoid that.

1:19:18 Adam Yeah, plus the guy you can prosecute, your word against his. How does that word stuff work? Why are you bringing it up? You know what I mean? Let's just say you weren't raped. Why are you bringing it up? You know what I'm saying? No. I don't. I'd always believe the person that was raped. Look, if there's a guy and a girl, the guy says, and the girl says, this guy raped me, and the guy says, no, I didn't. What do you want his answer to be? You know what I'm saying? Your word against his, I believe the chick.

1:19:43 Dr. Bruce Well, what about, you know that song with the girl that gets date raped, and that song they, just listening to that yesterday. Her word against his and he goes to jail.

1:19:51 Adam Talking about Sublime?

1:19:52 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:19:53 Adam Yeah, it's a good song.

1:19:53 Dr. Bruce Great song.

1:19:54 Adam He gets raped in jail.

1:19:55 Dr. Bruce So that's my legal reference material, Sublime Music.

1:19:57 Adam Zach?

1:19:58 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:19:59 Adam You're 14?

1:20:00 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:20:00 Caller What's up?

1:20:01 Caller I have a question about marijuana.

1:20:03 Caller Great.

1:20:04 Caller I heard somewhere that it stunts your penis growth or it can shorten it or something like that.

1:20:11 Adam No.

1:20:12 Dr. Bruce Okay. Can we put him on hold for a second?

1:20:13 Adam Why?

1:20:14 Dr. Bruce I want to ask you a question.

1:20:15 Adam Okay. Hold on.

1:20:16 Dr. Bruce In the interest of drug prevention and saving youth against marijuana, can I lie and tell him that marijuana specifically stunts the growth of the penis?

1:20:25 Adam Yes, you can.

1:20:25 Dr. Bruce Is that morally justified?

1:20:29 Adam I believe the ends justifies the means. But here's the deal. He can hear you.

1:20:39 Dr. Bruce Zach?

1:20:39 Caller Yeah?

1:20:40 Adam Could you hear what Dr. Bruce just said?

1:20:42 Caller Actually, I didn't.

1:20:43 Adam Why not? Because you're stoned?

1:20:45 Caller No.

1:20:46 Caller Not now.

1:20:48 Caller No.

1:20:48 Caller Like, we're just busy looking around here.

1:20:50 Caller So, I'm sorry I didn't hear you.

1:20:52 Adam All right. Good. Then go ahead. Well, let me try it again. You ready?

1:20:55 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:20:56 Adam I'm going to say a word and you tell me what I said. I'll put you on hold. You ready?

1:21:00 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:21:00 Adam Okay. He's on hold.

1:21:02 Dr. Bruce Watch.

1:21:03 Adam Zach? No, he's not there.

1:21:05 Dr. Bruce No.

1:21:05 Adam Okay. The code word? Oh, shut. Would you shut up? I'm trying to give the goddamn code word out.

1:21:11 Dr. Bruce Commander code.

1:21:12 Adam Oh, for Christ's sake. Now, you're going to confuse him. Shut up. Banana. The code word.

1:21:19 Dr. Bruce That was better than my code word.

1:21:20 Adam Shut up. You're going to confuse Zach. Zach?

1:21:23 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:21:24 Adam What's the secret word? Banana. Okay. So you see you can hear.

1:21:27 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:21:27 Adam Are you stoned? All right, Bruce. Tell them what to do.

1:21:31 Dr. Bruce Okay. I would have to say that indirectly, it can affect.

1:21:35 Adam That's right. Infect your penis.

1:21:37 Dr. Bruce And at 14, if there's one thing. The interesting thing I was going to mention the other night is at 14, 15, you don't have the brain circuitry for thinking of consequences. And that's why we try and scare somebody at age 14 or 15. It just doesn't work.

1:21:49 Adam Look, let me explain something about being 14. If you were 35 and had the mentality of a 14-year-old, you'd be considered retarded.

1:21:57 Dr. Bruce Right.

1:21:58 Adam Okay. So when you're 14, you're retarded.

1:22:02 Dr. Bruce In adolescent medicine, they call it pseudo-stupidity.

1:22:04 Adam That's right.

1:22:05 Dr. Bruce Pseudo-stupidity. They're not stupid.

1:22:07 Adam I thought that was a police album.

1:22:09 Dr. Bruce Pseudo-stupidity?

1:22:11 Adam Wasn't that? All right. So you will be a retard if you're 35 and you have the mentality of a 14-year-old. And here's the thing. So here's what it means. Your brain is like cement and is not dry at 14. Okay. So you can't be trying to carve your initials in it with a stick at 14 because it will stay. You can't step on it. Your footprint will be in it for the rest of your life.

1:22:33 Dr. Bruce Is that an example of concrete thinking?

1:22:34 Adam When you take a sidewalk, that was almost clever. When there's a sidewalk, you cannot walk on it before that cement is dry. Otherwise, that footprint will be in there for another thousand years. And it's the same with drugs before your brain has dried. And your brain is not fully dried until you're 18. So don't mess around with your brain until you're 18. And then after that, throw a party. Who cares? All right? All right. Thank you, Bruce. We'll take ourselves a little break. When we come back, are we going to talk to you?

1:23:02 Dr. Bruce Oh, I think the interesting story of the person that's fantasizing about hitting women and having sex with them. And I can explain this. So we're in luck.

1:23:14 Adam You've done it yourself?

1:23:16 Dr. Bruce No, I can explain the phenomenon of that occurring. Violence and sex.

1:23:20 Adam Quiet down. We'll be back. It's a love line. I should put you guys on all hold. Hold, I was talking to Dr. Bruce about what pills I can take with booze.

1:24:13 Dr. Bruce No, it was what pills you shouldn't take.

1:24:15 Adam Oh, what pills I shouldn't take. But see, I do process of elimination.

1:24:18 Dr. Bruce Yeah, it's very sneaky.

1:24:19 Adam Don't take the Tylenol with the booze. Put the Quailoods in booze, fine, and Valium in booze, no problem, right?

1:24:26 Dr. Bruce No, and any of those things, it's like the Gamma Hydroxybutyrate, the drug that they used to sell in the health food stores.

1:24:33 Adam Right.

1:24:34 Dr. Bruce You stop breathing.

1:24:34 Adam All right. What's that sleeping stuff? What's the good stuff? All right, I'm going to get the bottom of this next break.

1:24:41 Dr. Bruce Ambien's good.

1:24:42 Adam That's solid. Now, how about some of that with some booze?

1:24:44 Dr. Bruce No.

1:24:45 Adam No?

1:24:45 Dr. Bruce Those drugs are very safe. Some people even overdose on them, and they will sleep for a long time, but live. One drink alcohol and you die.

1:24:53 Adam Well, hold on a second. I've taken booze with Ambien a number of times. Let me tell you what I look at that. I look at the booze with the prescription sleeping medications. I look at like, you know when you go to McDonald's and you supersize? To me, it's kick it in. Give it a little high octane. Because I'm a heavyweight. You know what I'm saying?

1:25:12 Dr. Bruce Yeah. That's exactly the point. You're a heavyweight. The average person, you're like a chemical reprocessing factory compared to a residential.

1:25:21 Adam I prefer to think of myself as a sewage plant.

1:25:23 Dr. Bruce A sewage plant is opposed to the toilet in someone's home.

1:25:26 Adam No, but seriously, seriously. I take one of those ambience when I'm on an airplane.

1:25:30 Dr. Bruce Right.

1:25:30 Adam I wash it down with two or three Bloody Marys. And then I get off the plane in New York and do Conan and stink up the joint. Don't get me wrong.

1:25:37 Dr. Bruce I was going to say I saw that. That was it.

1:25:39 Adam But I'm, but I'm lucid.

1:25:40 Dr. Bruce That explains your performance on Conan.

1:25:42 Adam Really?

1:25:42 Dr. Bruce Oh, it was pretty amazing.

1:25:44 Adam But I did, I did the same thing on Letterman and I was good. So you're saying it's hit and miss.

1:25:49 Dr. Bruce It was how much exercise you gave your liver the month prior to that. Probably on a drinking extravaganza.

1:25:56 Adam Conan, parents did suck. Pop, hey, screw all you Conan fans. I was funny on that show.

1:26:02 Dr. Bruce Well, I woke up two in the morning with the TV on, I swear to God. I opened my eyes and you're on Conan and it was-

1:26:08 Adam Listen.

1:26:08 Dr. Bruce The suit you had on, who's your tailor?

1:26:10 Adam I'm looking good. Your mother. Your Jewish mother is my tailor. How dare you? Bob?

1:26:17 Caller Yep.

1:26:17 Adam You're 18.

1:26:18 Caller Yeah.

1:26:18 Adam What's up?

1:26:20 Caller I have a fantasy of backhanding a girl and then dropping her to the floor, then banging her doggy style.

1:26:28 Adam Nice. Yeah.

1:26:29 Caller Yeah.

1:26:30 Caller So that's not normal, is it?

1:26:32 Adam Yeah.

1:26:33 Caller You ever do it? No.

1:26:35 Adam All right. Listen, whatever you whack off to is fine, as long as you don't do it and hurt anybody.

1:26:40 Dr. Bruce No. It's not fine.

1:26:43 Adam You like your mom?

1:26:46 Caller Yes. Yeah. We never really fight.

1:26:48 Adam Yeah. You all right? You don't have animosity toward women?

1:26:51 Caller No.

1:26:52 Dr. Bruce There are no women with control over you that's uncomfortable, no control issues?

1:26:58 Caller No.

1:27:00 Dr. Bruce I don't think we're going to use it. But listen, there's something interesting here. The association between violence and sex can occur very rapidly. They did a study where they showed high school kids sexual content and associated with an inanimate object. And just looking at how long it takes to...

1:27:20 Adam What about like a vibrator?

1:27:21 Dr. Bruce A shoe.

1:27:22 Adam If someone's putting a shoe up them?

1:27:24 Dr. Bruce No.

1:27:25 Adam What are you talking about?

1:27:26 Dr. Bruce It's just the human brain will associate things, sex, violence, and create a problem like this. So where this guy got this association...

1:27:36 Adam Hold on, Bruce, are you trying to make a point?

1:27:38 Dr. Bruce Yeah, I am.

1:27:38 Adam What is this study you read or saw? And it has to do with a shoe and a guy screwing a shoe up?

1:27:43 Dr. Bruce They were taking a subject material that was neutral and looking at how long it took for adolescents to associate sex with the object.

1:27:55 Adam You have 12 more seconds to make a point. You should really hit the lecture circuit.

1:27:59 Dr. Bruce Yeah, I am sure you would give me a strong recommendation for my lecture circuit tour. The whole idea is we're this guy.

1:28:06 Adam I have no idea what you are talking about. Okay, I don't care. This guy is not doing it to anybody.

1:28:11 Dr. Bruce How much sex do you need associated with violence in a movie, for instance, if they occur together, for teenagers to start associating that in real life?

1:28:20 Adam I understand what you are saying.

1:28:21 Dr. Bruce Very little.

1:28:22 Adam I don't care.

1:28:23 Dr. Bruce Well, no, it's...

1:28:24 Adam Hey, Bob?

1:28:25 Caller Yep.

1:28:25 Adam Okay, you have a girlfriend?

1:28:27 Caller No.

1:28:27 Adam Okay, when you have sex with a woman, do you like to tug her hair, slap her in the ass, get a little rough trade in?

1:28:33 Caller Um, I haven't had it.

1:28:35 Dr. Bruce Okay, if you watch...

1:28:36 Adam You haven't had sex?

1:28:37 Caller No.

1:28:37 Adam Oh, no wonder you are mad.

1:28:39 Caller It's kind of embarrassing.

1:28:40 Adam I'd backhand a chick, too, if I couldn't have sex.

1:28:42 Dr. Bruce What kind of stuff do you enjoy watching in terms of any pornography or violent movies or stuff? Hold on.

1:28:50 Caller I like violent movies. I'm planning on going in the Army.

1:28:52 Adam You're going in the Army?

1:28:53 Caller Yeah.

1:28:54 Adam Fine. Fine. You go to Korea, you get a nice hooker, everything's good. I was praying he was going to say Huell Howser on KCT.

1:29:01 Caller Get on your knees, you dumb bag.

1:29:05 Adam You guys ever see Huell Howser on KCT?

1:29:08 Dr. Bruce Oh, it's great.

1:29:09 Adam You ever see that windbag?

1:29:11 Caller Oh, we're out here.

1:29:12 Adam You make taffy here, do you? You've been here for 800 years. Your grandfather made taffy and his grandfather, and your dad and your dad's grandfather and his grandfather. And your kid makes taffy too.

1:29:25 Dr. Bruce He can talk about anything for a long time.

1:29:26 Adam I know, but he's like a retard, Huell Howser, because he walks into the... he's in such awe.

1:29:31 Caller So this is where you keep the taffy. Oh, my goodness. And that's some taffy over there, isn't it?

1:29:40 Adam Yeah. Huell, this is where we keep the taffy.

1:29:42 Caller This is where you keep the taffy. Look at that. And what is that?

1:29:46 Adam That's a truck.

1:29:47 Caller You use that to ship the taffy?

1:29:49 Adam Yes, we ship the taffy.

1:29:50 Caller You ship it in a truck. What do you say?

1:29:53 Dr. Bruce You know why you should make front of this guy?

1:29:55 Adam He's like having some retarded drunken uncle show up at your house and look at your artwork.

1:29:59 Dr. Bruce Let me see you create entertainment without using...

1:30:01 Adam You call that entertainment? How dare you?

1:30:03 Dr. Bruce He doesn't talk about sex. He doesn't tell dirty jokes. And he's got a long-running TV show.

1:30:07 Caller You use dirty jokes. No one watches.

1:30:09 Adam His dad owns a station. There's something going on over there.

1:30:12 Dr. Bruce I watch that. He's great.

1:30:13 Caller Oh, today we're down in Alvarez Street. Oh, look at that.

1:30:18 Adam It's a piñata. Where do you keep...

1:30:21 Caller Here's where you keep the piñatas.

1:30:25 Dr. Bruce You know what? He's bigger than you. He probably beat the crap out of you.

1:30:28 Caller Next week, we're going out to a mission in the San Fernando Valley.

1:30:34 Adam This was built in 1674. My goodness, where do you keep the body of Christ?

1:30:43 Caller Whoa, look at that. We're in the body of Christ room. And that truck, what do you use? You ship the body of Christ in that?

1:30:50 Adam Fantastic.

1:30:51 Caller You know what?

1:30:52 Dr. Bruce I just saw you're jealous of the guy.

1:30:54 Caller His coverage of the garlic fare was outstanding.

1:30:57 Dr. Bruce He should have gotten an Emmy for his coverage of the garlic fare.

1:31:00 Caller We're in Solvang for the garlic fare.

1:31:03 Adam You're saying you make ice cream out of garlic? Where do you keep it?

1:31:09 Caller In the garlic storage cello! What's that truck for?

1:31:13 Adam That's what we ship the ice cream garlic.

1:31:15 Caller I ship the garlic in the ice cream in the same truck. Look at that.

1:31:21 Adam Please, people are in Death's Doorstep, watch that show. No one under 70 watches that show.

1:31:28 Dr. Bruce How about The Victory Garden on Sunday morning on KCET?

1:31:30 Adam Oh, how dare you. Hilda is the most boring. I only watch it because it's so boring. I'm amazed at how boring it is.

1:31:37 Dr. Bruce Why do you do watch it, though?

1:31:38 Caller We're at a tortilla factory. Your family's been making tortillas for how long? Seven million years. And where do you keep the tortillas? In the tortilla room. In the tortilla room. And how do you ship the tortilla? With the truck. All I know is I get stoned and want to eat when I watch it.

1:32:03 Dr. Bruce I knew it.

1:32:04 Caller All he does is visit factories where they make food.

1:32:07 Dr. Bruce It's a marijuana-related issue.

1:32:08 Adam Oh, my God.

1:32:09 Dr. Bruce All right.

1:32:10 Adam All right. Seriously. He's gone to the same tortilla factory eight times.

1:32:15 Dr. Bruce Here's another. Listen. Let's move on.

1:32:16 Caller Baclava. I've never heard of Baclava. How long has your family been making Baclava?

1:32:23 Dr. Bruce It's made in Brooklyn.

1:32:26 Caller 750,000 years since the earth was still molten. Your grandfather's grandmother made Baclava. Where do you keep it? In the Baclava store? Oh, my goodness.

1:32:39 Dr. Bruce Brittany, Brittany, quickly discuss your problem because Adam's taking a deep breath.

1:32:45 Caller Okay. All right. When I was younger, I was sexually abused by my two older brothers. Since then, I've been really nervous around guys. I've had a couple of boyfriends, but I get really nervous around them. But the only guys that I feel comfortable with are guys older in their 20s or so, friends of mine that are just-

1:33:06 Adam You were sexually molested by both your older brothers?

1:33:08 Caller Yeah.

1:33:09 Dr. Bruce How old were they? How old were you?

1:33:10 Caller I was 6 and one was 13 and then I was in 5th grade, so I was probably like 10 or 11 and the other one was 15.

1:33:18 Dr. Bruce How long did it go on?

1:33:21 Caller It only happened once with the first time.

1:33:24 Dr. Bruce Okay. Does anybody know about it? Did it get reported?

1:33:27 Caller No.

1:33:27 Adam Are these your biological brothers?

1:33:29 Caller One's biological, one's stepbrothers.

1:33:31 Adam Oh my God. I'd like to dig your dad out of prison so I could kick him in the nuts.

1:33:36 Dr. Bruce Okay. So you haven't been to a therapist?

1:33:39 Caller I've tried. I get really, I can't open up to them. Okay. It just, it takes too much. Like it takes too much on me. My grades start dropping when I think of, because like I've tried and it'll take me a couple sessions to work up the courage.

1:33:56 Dr. Bruce Well listen, it's amazing that you could share this with Adam Carolla, one of the most insensitive, misogynist human beings I've ever...

1:34:02 Adam Thank you.

1:34:02 Dr. Bruce Hey, Brittany.

1:34:04 Adam Now, talk to her off the air.

1:34:05 Dr. Bruce I will.

1:34:05 Adam You have to because we got to go to break, and she needs to be talking to you, and I killed the whole spot doing the Huell Howser impersonation.

1:34:12 Caller That was really funny.

1:34:13 Adam All right. Thank you.

1:34:13 Caller All right.

1:34:14 Adam Bruce, I'm going to talk to you off the air, right, Brittany? Just hang on for a second, all right? All right?

1:34:19 Caller Okay.

1:34:21 Caller You make candy-coated apples here.

1:35:00 Caller All righty, that is it.

1:35:01 Adam I want to thank Dr. Bruce for coming in here and doing a wonderfully adequate job the entire now. Bruce, always a treat to have you coming.

1:35:11 Dr. Bruce Thanks.

1:35:12 Adam Always a treat.

1:35:13 Dr. Bruce I'll be back tomorrow. I passed out a couple of times.

1:35:16 Adam What is that? It's a shame that you had to admit that so late in the run. Dr. Drew will have hammered the check. He got for $62.50 out in Washington, DC. For whatever he was chasing over there. Oh yeah, I'm keeping it real. He's keeping it real. He'll be back tomorrow night. And again, I want to thank Dr. Bruce for doing a wonderful job for the beginning part of the week. Back to normal tomorrow night. And until next time, this is Adam Corolla from my good friend, Dr. Bruce. Say mahalo.

1:35:44 Caller And how do you ship the tortilla with a truck?

1:35:47 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, September 12, 2000