Episode 1000754887314

1:02 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:13 Adam Hey, ooh, man, is this thing loud, or is it just me?

1:17 It's the head, it's the...

1:18 Voiceover Yeah, yeah, yeah. There we go. Anderson, seriously, we gotta work this out over here, and don't give me that puss. Hey, it's Loveline, everybody, I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew over there, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:31 Drew Oh, no, it's hard, Adam.

1:31 Are you okay? You all right?

1:33 Adam It's so hard, man.

1:34 Drew Are you loaded or something?

1:35 Adam How dare you?

1:36 Drew No, I'm just a...

1:37 Adam How dare you? No, I'm not loaded. You know why I'm not loaded? Because it's like getting high with your stepmom in the room. Like, you're...

1:45 Drew You're fine here?

1:46 Adam Yeah, Drew...

1:46 Drew I'm such a downer, man.

1:48 Adam Yeah, you're the man, is what you are. I swear to God, Drew, seriously, I've come in here with a couple drinks of me on a couple of nights. And what do you say every time?

1:57 Drew Who's drinking?

1:57 Adam Before the show starts. The other night, me and producer Ann were standing here. Drew just talking to Drew, just a couple minutes before the show, Drew was like, who's drinking? Which one of you is drinking? Ann, like, looks at me. I look at Ann. It's like, I'm not taking a fall, man. And I was like, well, you know, it's always that same story. Oh, a couple of glasses of wine with dinner. Yeah, I knew it. It wasn't... And it wasn't like she was making out with Drew or anything. She was standing up while he was sitting down. I couldn't tell. Drew knows. He's McGruff, the crime sniffing dog over there. Fuzz Dan and David are all here from Disturbed. Disturbed sings the bumper breaker intro outro song we play every night that I sing along with.

2:35 Drew Oh, my God.

2:37 Adam Right?

2:37 Drew Yes.

2:38 Yeah.

2:39 Adam It's the only only one I sing along with.

2:44 Drew Oh, wait a minute. This is it.

2:45 Adam Yeah, this is it. Here it comes. About 1120.

2:51 Drew Yeah, you're right.

2:51 Adam 1125 coming back from commercial. Yeah.

2:54 Drew It's always after midnight.

2:55 No, after 11.

2:57 Drew I beg your pardon.

2:57 I had no idea.

3:07 Adam Yeah, it sounds good when you turn the music down. Yeah, that's what I drew back me up.

3:20 Drew No, yeah, every night. It's wonderful. It's a beautiful thing.

3:24 Adam So, it's nice to have the band here in person. It's going to be at the Universal Amphitheater with the SDP and Godsmack tomorrow night. Both good guys who've been on, good bands have been on this show before. Let me tell you something about SDP. I didn't want to like SDP. I mean, for some reason, they were just one of those bands I just stood back and crossed my arms with for a long time like SDP. But you know what? They're really super nice and they're good.

3:50 They're unbelievable.

3:52 Adam They're good live band.

3:53 They're unbelievable.

3:54 Adam But don't you hate to admit it?

3:57 I have no problem admitting it.

3:58 Adam I didn't want to like SDP. I really didn't.

4:01 Drew As people, you mean?

4:02 Adam I didn't want to like them as people. I kind of wish they sucked when I saw them in concert, but they're really, really a good band. And you can see them and you can see Godsmack and you see Disturbed, who's who's on tour with SDP and Godsmack for a while.

4:18 Drew Yeah.

4:19 Adam And Godsmack, when were they in here, Drew? Has it been a while?

4:23 Drew Yeah, it's about a year.

4:24 Adam They seem, I seem to remember them as good fellas too.

4:27 Drew Nice guy.

4:27 Adam So that's a good group. You guys are from Chicago? Yes. Yeah, we we happen to like that town a lot, a lot.

4:34 Miss it. I haven't been there for a while.

4:37 Adam Do you live in the city?

4:38 South side.

4:40 Adam Is it pot? Is it bad?

4:42 No, we don't live in a bad part of the south side. You know, everybody says south side of Chicago, like, ooh, is it bad?

4:48 Adam Well, it's plenty of it's, you know, Jim Croce screwed up the south side with that Leroy Brown.

4:54 Now, we live in the hometown of the Unabomber.

4:57 Adam Oh, really? Oh, yeah. That's great. That's great. And you guys, well, we're going to play it into the band there. We're going to play something off the, well, we might just play the song we just heard from Disturbed before long, and a couple of cuts off the new CD. We'll hop on the phones, take some calls and talk the band do all that.

5:20 Oh, I'm first, huh?

5:21 Yeah.

5:23 Oh, I just heard something about the Unabomber. My dad took a math from him at Berkeley.

5:30 Drew Oh, really?

5:31 As a direct credit, he gave out bomb designing.

5:35 Drew That's nice.

5:38 Adam Your dad took what from him?

5:39 Drew Math.

5:40 Oh, math class.

5:41 Adam Oh, he was a professor there at the time?

5:44 Yeah.

5:44 Adam That your dad was there?

5:46 Yeah.

5:46 Adam Yeah.

5:46 A while ago.

5:47 Adam Yeah. He's my kind of killer though. A guy who keeps to himself, lives in a gardening shed, looks a little, he always reminded me of Harrison Ford in The Fugitive when he grew his beard out and stuff, and his own brother ratted him out, didn't he?

6:03 Yeah. Yeah.

6:04 Adam I like that. Yeah. That's a Corolla family maneuver. I ever go on a lamb, that's who's going to rat me out, my own family.

6:12 Drew I'm not sure if they have the energy for that.

6:13 Adam If they came and talked to them. All right. So, Noelle, what's up?

6:18 Well, okay. A couple months ago, I saw a Cirque du Soleil show. And ever since then, I've been getting like progressively more, well, this is my question. Am I obsessed with like with mine?

6:33 Drew And tell us how this is manifesting. What do you mean?

6:37 Well, okay. There's like a Cirque du Soleil movie called Alegria and the main character, I've been like trying to track him down and I even like he lives in Quebec, right? And I even like called a research company they have there.

6:53 Drew What do you plan to do when you find it?

6:54 Adam How do you call a mine, by the way? They can't really talk, can they? He just has to do this on the phone and act surprised. I mean, he could act out his emotions. He could cry, could put his hands up to his eyes.

7:05 Drew But he can't talk.

7:06 Adam He could be in love by putting his hands together and sort of swooning, but he couldn't actually reply.

7:10 Drew Good job for a pigtail.

7:12 I don't know.

7:14 I haven't had anything like this strong of an obsession for a really long time.

7:20 Drew So you've had obsessions?

7:21 Well, yeah.

7:22 Drew Have you been depressed lately? Yeah.

7:26 Adam Everybody who's stalking a mime is depressed.

7:29 Drew Everybody that has obsessive compulsive.

7:32 Adam That's the definition of depression.

7:34 Drew When they get depressed, the obsessive compulsive symptoms can sometimes get a lot worse.

7:37 Yeah.

7:37 Adam But you know, life isn't going according to plan when you're stalking mimes.

7:42 Drew What is your plan?

7:43 Adam When you were four and you thought you're going to be an astronaut or something, this isn't how you pictured life turning out.

7:48 Drew What is your plan after you find him? What do you want to do?

7:50 Well, I guess I don't know.

7:52 Drew Marry him?

7:53 I wanted to ask him, where did he study and I want to go there.

7:57 Drew You want to become a mime?

8:00 Yes. They have this school in France, but everybody thinks I'm crazy because I like to put on mime paint sometimes and just walk around. I don't know. I'm starting to feel weird.

8:12 You are weird.

8:13 Adam Yes.

8:13 That's true.

8:15 Okay. I am weird.

8:16 Adam Hold on. Is this one mime that you're after in particular with any mime?

8:21 Well, yeah.

8:22 I kind of have a crush on him.

8:23 Drew Crush. Okay.

8:24 Right. Yeah.

8:24 Adam So you know the reality is he's some foul-mouthed Frenchman who chains smokes and beats his women.

8:31 But he's not.

8:32 Adam Oh, how do you know?

8:34 Well, I know he's not French.

8:36 Adam What is he? He's a French-Canadian then, right?

8:39 Yeah.

8:39 Adam All right. Same accent. Same mess. Listen, you want to go to... Doesn't Marcel Marceau have a school in France somewhere you can go to?

8:48 Yeah. He did actually study with Marceau. Right. I don't know. But anyway...

8:54 Adam All right. Go do it. Follow your muse. Get some sort of MIME scholarship.

9:01 Okay.

9:01 Adam Do you have any Indian blood in you? Are you black? I think you could get a scholarship. No?

9:06 No. They don't actually have any scholarships.

9:08 Adam Oh, okay. I don't know if they have it. You play... They have a football team or something?

9:13 Yeah. Mime football.

9:14 Adam Okay. They don't actually use a ball. There's always a lot of controversy on whether the guy scored or not. All right. Hey, Noelle, why don't you go do it? You're 21. Are you fat?

9:27 No.

9:27 Adam A little bit?

9:28 No.

9:28 Adam You can't... Are you good looking though?

9:30 Drew Yeah.

9:31 Adam You're really good looking?

9:32 Yeah.

9:32 Drew You're fat.

9:33 Adam What are you doing?

9:34 Drew What do you mean?

9:34 Adam Good looking women shouldn't be making plans. They just relax, have a good time.

9:39 Drew You aren't doing any drugs, are you, Noelle?

9:42 No, not anymore.

9:43 Drew What did you used to do?

9:47 I'm a drug addict, but I have seven months clean.

9:50 Drew In the program?

9:51 Yeah.

9:51 Drew And what was your drug of choice?

9:53 Heroin.

9:53 Drew Ouch. Okay.

9:55 And cocaine.

9:56 Drew So, you're a heroin addict, and have you been talking to your sponsor about this?

10:03 No, actually, I'm in the process of getting a new one, because I kind of messed up. Like, I kept missing our meeting schedules.

10:11 Drew Okay. You better focus on your program, Noelle. Let's worry about my world later. Right now, let's worry about real world. You've got a sobriety. You haven't got a year yet under your belt from heroin. It's not going all that well. You've been sort of not real focused on your program. And this is a critical time. You've got to stay with it. And if you're becoming severely obsessive compulsive, at one year, that is a time that we might want to put people on medication. Because God knows. I am on medication. What are you taking? The Loft. You might want to get that adjusted. Because perhaps you're getting manic from this. Oh, God. And or perhaps you're not. Or the alternative is I can't make the assessment just on the radio. You're not enough because that serotonin reuptake inhibitor can help with the obsessional.

10:51 Adam Noel, what's your favorite mime move, though? Is it the tramp in the box? One or is it the walking against the wind? Or is it the one where they lean on something that's not there? What's your favorite move? The wind?

11:06 Drew Walking against the wind?

11:08 That one's pretty good.

11:09 Adam You give it an eight? Okay, Noel. I didn't mean to press you. I didn't mean to put you in a corner. You know, you do love mimery. Is that what it would be?

11:20 I guess.

11:20 Adam Mimology. You love mimology and you couldn't commit to one mime move. Come on, give me your favorite.

11:27 My favorite move.

11:29 Adam Yeah.

11:30 Oh, geez.

11:30 Adam All right.

11:31 Drew Get your program together.

11:33 Adam Okay. Here's the deal. We'll make a deal. You get off the heroin and then you can follow your muse.

11:39 Drew She's off heroin, thank God.

11:40 Adam Stay off heroin and then you can go one year clean and you can go to mime school.

11:43 Drew One year.

11:44 Adam That's right. David?

11:45 Drew Yeah.

11:46 Adam You're 15. And you guys go to mime school?

11:49 Drew Hell no.

11:49 Adam No. David?

11:52 Yeah.

11:52 Adam What's up?

11:54 Well, first of all, I want to say to the Sturb that they rocked last night. I was up in Bakersfield in the Marsh Fits and they just kicked ass. Thank you, brother. Thanks. Yeah, you guys like totally rocked. Even though I don't really know too much about you guys, I listened to Stubbify the first time and I was like, oh my God. So I had to go see you guys. You guys just rocked.

12:16 You didn't get hurt, did you?

12:17 Oh yeah, I got kicked in the jaw.

12:19 Oh damn.

12:21 Because I'm only like five foot tall, man. But yeah, it was cool.

12:26 Drew What's up, Dave? What's the question?

12:30 My penis, it's like really big and when I'm sitting in class, I always get hard for some reason. I don't even know why. I'm just uncomfortable. Oh, you poor guy.

12:40 Adam Yeah, that's rough. You better kill yourself.

12:44 I should, huh?

12:46 Adam It's a burden. And it's not like you'll never outgrow that penis of yours. It'll be big your whole life. You understand?

12:53 Yes.

12:54 Adam Yeah, that's a burden. It's a deformity of sorts. It's rough. My heart goes out to you. You know what it's, I mean, you could imagine what it would be like, right? Yeah. How big is your penis?

13:08 I think it's about eight and a half inches, maybe. That's a magnum.

13:12 Adam That's tough. Yeah, so what are you gonna do?

13:16 I don't know.

13:17 Drew Don't worry, it's normal. Just don't wear sweatpants to school.

13:21 No, dude, wear sweatpants to school.

13:24 Drew No way.

13:25 Exhibit it.

13:27 Man, I don't even wear sweatpants to school.

13:30 Adam David, do you want to know how to get rid of that erection?

13:33 How's this?

13:34 Adam I know how to do it. This is a good tip for guys. We discussed this once every while. Your penis hangs down like that between your legs, right? The penis responds to pressure. It does. That's why you get that erection when you go to bed at night and you sleep on your belly and it starts kind of pressing against the mattress a little and it becomes a little a battle of wills. Who's better, you or your penis? Your penis starts pressing and the more resistance it gets, the harder it starts to press, like you get an erection in your blue jeans, it starts coming up, it hits your pants and it starts fighting it a little bit. And before you know it, it really starts pressing hard and you get that good teenage science class erection going. You know what you do? Here's what you do with your penis. You reach in, you got to make a quick move. It's like a quick shoehorn. It's like a slim gym move. It's how they open a car door. Slide your hand in there, slide it up against your belly. Now where's it going? You understand? Can't go up anymore. It'll go in you.

14:34 Drew Yeah, but unfortunately when it's eight and a half inches and he's five foot tall, it's coming out.

14:37 Adam You've tricked your penis. You yank your pants up real high like clown pants and you pull that thing up against your belly. Now the penis is up and it can't push down and the blood will leak out of it. It'll fill your testes. I mean it. You start to get an erection. Pull your penis up against your belly.

14:57 Drew Okay, well I'll try that.

14:58 Adam You're done. The erection is done. That?

15:00 Drew Being done.

15:00 Adam That or exercise? Push ups like I was doing in the doctor's office when I was 15 when I was getting an exam and I was in my underpants. I started getting an erection. I got down. I started doing push ups. I said when's the last time I had a boner while I was working out? Answer never. All right, do some push ups. Penis went immediately.

15:20 Yeah.

15:21 Adam You're 24.

15:22 Caller Hi.

15:22 Adam You're on with Disturbed by the way.

15:24 Cool.

15:26 What's up?

15:28 Caller Actually, lately I've been having a lot of sexual dreams and I can't figure out why and I'd kind of like to have help on that.

15:38 Adam What are they?

15:39 Drew You've never had that before?

15:41 Caller I've had them before but in the past few months, I've had more than one a week. They've gotten pretty regular.

15:49 Drew Are you in a relationship?

15:50 Caller Yes. I'm married. I've been married a little over a year.

15:55 Drew How's that going?

15:56 Caller It's okay. It's kind of rocky because we moved out of the Bay Area so we miss a lot of each other because our schedules are so different now and we commute a lot.

16:10 Drew That could be part of this, missing your husband?

16:13 Adam Yes. What's the matter with the sex dreams though? That's good, right?

16:18 Yeah.

16:20 Are the dreams about your husband?

16:22 No.

16:23 What are they about?

16:24 Adam Why bother dreaming about that?

16:27 Tell us more.

16:28 Drew Is that what disturbs you? They're not about him?

16:30 Caller Well, no. Well, kind of, yes. They're always of other people.

16:35 Adam Hold on a second.

16:36 Drew Reenactment?

16:36 Adam Yeah.

16:37 You got to come to one of our shows.

16:38 Adam I don't want to reenact it but chicks are so freaked out. The fact that a guy would not think twice about dreaming about anybody anytime.

16:47 Drew Or anything.

16:48 Adam Or anything. Do you know what I mean?

16:50 Dream about everybody all the time.

16:51 Adam That is the whole point of dreaming and fantasies. Whoever it is you're currently banging, forget it. That's reality. Now, let's go to bed. It's funny about guys. How many times you guys beat off to someone you screwed in the past when you were beating off to someone else when you're with her? You know what I mean? How many times have you done that? How many times I've dedicated a whack session to someone I'd actually had sex with before and ironically was masturbating to somebody else when I was with them?

17:21 Dude, you beat off?

17:25 Adam Women get all freaked out about this. This is no big deal, right?

17:29 Drew But it's a change for her, so it's different. Let me just ask her a couple of questions. She's fine.

17:33 Adam She's fine.

17:34 Drew See, is she on any medication?

17:36 Caller I was. Last year, I had a kind of a nervous breakdown and I was on severe depression for about a year.

17:44 Drew What did you take?

17:45 Caller Paxil.

17:46 Drew And you're off it now?

17:47 Caller Yeah. I'm totally fine.

17:48 Drew Anything else you're taking? No birth control pills or anything like that?

17:51 Caller Birth control pills.

17:52 Drew Which one?

17:53 Caller Ortho Novo.

17:54 Drew And when did that start?

17:57 Caller What do you mean?

17:57 Drew When did you start taking the pill?

17:58 Caller Oh, God. I've been taking it since I was a junior in high school.

18:01 Drew You haven't changed the dose or anything like that recently?

18:03 Adam No.

18:03 Caller It's always been the same.

18:05 Adam All right. She's fine. Listen, sometimes you just tell people you're normal. You're fine.

18:10 Drew Well, you just miss your husband. You just find a way to spend more time with him.

18:12 Caller It's like, they're with my friends and it's weird.

18:18 Adam You're dreaming about having sex with your friends?

18:20 Caller Yes.

18:20 Adam That's the other thing too. I got to tell everybody, your dreams are not a mandate or a call to action. Like people have these dreams where they go, I dreamt I killed my brother last night. It's like, yeah. Well, I got to kill him now, right?

18:37 Drew But you've also said.

18:38 Adam What about you being raped by the boogeyman? Is that something that's got to go down?

18:41 Drew You also said though that when you have a dream about having sex with someone and you see them the next day.

18:46 Adam You do feel a little weird. Yeah, you're kind of looking at it, I'm like, yeah. And it's weird in your mind because your mind is like, I know I didn't have sex with this person, but I'm a little closer than the average guy got. You know what I mean? Like I didn't actually have sex with him, but I'm about 50% there because of what I did to him in my dream.

19:05 Drew But you know what it would be like. Now you know. Right.

19:08 Adam Yeah. Or sort of. But the point is, is don't read too much into it. It's not a mandate or a call to action. If you had a dream that you had sex with one of your friends, doesn't mean you have to have sex with one of the friends. All right. Where are we?

19:21 Jay.

19:22 Adam Jay?

19:23 Caller Hello?

19:23 Adam You're 18?

19:24 Caller Yeah.

19:25 I got a problem.

19:26 Caller I got a girlfriend.

19:28 Caller She's a lot older than me. Just about 10 years.

19:31 And I got two kids by this broad.

19:35 Adam You're all class, Jay.

19:36 Caller Oh, man. Well, I think it's my right to come to an end. So, you know, we're always fighting and stuff. And...

19:42 Adam How old is she?

19:43 Caller She's 27. She turned 28 in December.

19:46 Adam And you have two kids by her?

19:49 Caller Yeah, five and three.

19:51 Adam Five?

19:52 Caller Five and three.

19:52 Adam You're 18?

19:53 Caller Yeah.

19:54 Adam So, well, hold on a second now. You got her pregnant when you were, like, at 12?

19:59 Caller 13.

20:00 Adam I see. All right. Well, now it's all.

20:03 Caller Well, this is the thing.

20:04 Caller She was married at the time. Like, she lived in an apartment, like, next to me.

20:08 And she asked me to help her out, do something.

20:12 Caller And it just went from there.

20:13 Caller She started, like, rubbing on me and stuff.

20:15 Caller And to the point where her husband wasn't home, I was over there.

20:19 Adam Yeah, I don't believe this, Jay.

20:20 Drew Here's what it is. He's got a paper written out with all the dates and the numbers. I've filled them all in carefully for you.

20:25 Adam Yeah, it's not working well, Jay. The reason I said 12 when you said you had a five-year-old is because I factored in the nine-month gestation period.

20:33 Caller That's absurd.

20:34 Adam There you go.

20:34 Drew Yeah.

20:34 Adam Hi, Jay. You're fine, buddy.

20:36 Caller I'm fine?

20:36 Adam Yeah. Listen, call the Circle K and ask them if they have-

20:42 Drew Prince Albert a can.

20:43 Adam In a can, yeah. Do that, would you?

20:46 Caller All right, buddy.

20:47 Adam I'll tell you, I got to give credit to our bogus callers on this call, because once you find them out, they immediately just run out of steam. They cave immediately. They go, hey, this bogus. Yeah, I know. You go, hey, that's pretty lame. And they go, that's right. Yeah, what are you going to do? I'm stoned. Hey, I'm 14, I'm stoned. What do you want? I mean, we'd go along like I drew, am I right? And maybe I shouldn't be saying this on the air. But if one of them said, hey, listen, I'm sorry, I'm nervous, but I have a real problem here. We'd be like, oh, sorry, brother. Keep going. You know, but they always go, yeah, all right.

21:28 Drew But once we know, we know, you know what I mean? We even, even if we have a doubt.

21:33 Adam Sometimes we poke around a little and they cave way too easily. No poker face over here.

21:39 I especially like him trying to sound all big and bad by saying, yeah, this broad.

21:43 Adam Yeah, I was banging this broad while I was smoking a cigar. And it's great to have two kids, a five-year-old man.

21:51 Drew What you've read is these kids, you asked them to make clear on the detail. So he was almost bragging about detail to us. You know, five and three. They're five and three. I was 13.

22:01 Adam Well, here's the reality.

22:02 Drew He didn't factor in the gestation though.

22:05 Adam He's 14 in reality. He called in, said he was 18, said he was banging this older broad and has a five-year-old and did some quick math and it made him 13 when he knocked her up.

22:17 All right.

22:17 Adam Disturbed is here. We'll hear something off the CD and take more of your calls after this.

22:25 Hello? Is this Loveline? Call 1-800-LOVE-191. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back.

23:05 Adam Hey, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Dan and David are both here from Disturbed. Fuzz has slipped out for something, but it's all right. He lets his music do its talking anyway, Fuzz does.

23:19 Drew Fuzz grabbed me before we came in here. He said, I've got money. When are we betting? Oh, really?

23:22 Adam Once we gamble. All right. Well, Drew, see if we can get some gambling. I'll tell you what, Drew, put a buck out just so we don't forget to gamble.

23:29 Caller All right?

23:30 Adam Did you win last night?

23:31 Drew I did.

23:32 Adam Did I give you that money? Yes, I did. That's right. Drew really gets weird. You know, the thing that's funny about Drew is his dad's really tight with money and so Drew's really tight. Consequently, although Drew has plenty of money, it's still one of those weird things. So if I take a dollar of his, even if I'm screwing around, he gets a little tight about it. It gets a little weird. And it's weird, you know, when you tap into your buddy's kind of weird stuff and it's so easy because, you know, Drew's mortgage is like, you know, 18 grand a month. But if I take like one dollar, he gets like, I can tell him getting a little weird, but he's a doctor so he wants to control himself. So I can see him like trying to be mellow about it, but I can still tell he's a little weird about it. Stop me when I'm wrong here, by the way, Drew. Because once stuff gets burned in you, it's burned in you.

24:22 Drew That's it, yeah.

24:23 Adam And it doesn't matter. You got millions and millions of dollars, right? And there's a dollar of yours floating around somewhere and somebody's messing with it and it's like, you need a pack, right? I mean, because it's so much more than a dollar. This is not a dollar.

24:38 Drew It's my youth.

24:38 Adam This is daddy, right?

24:40 That's my youth.

24:42 Adam That's dad. It's not George Washington. That's daddy. Do you see your dad's picture when you see a dollar? Do you see your dad's head on it? No, no, I see my dad's head on it. You do? That's good. That's therapy. I'm moving on. It's working, baby. You see his mom's face on change and his dad's on the bills. All right. So why don't we hear something? All right. We'll take one call, then we'll hear something from Disturbed. There you go. We'll try to do some gambling for the night is true.

25:07 Caller Dave?

25:08 Yes.

25:09 Adam You're 21. What's up?

25:11 Caller Not much. I just was calling to find out what might be going on on my penis, actually. I found-

25:21 Drew I don't know. Actually, well.

25:22 Adam I'm thinking maybe a yard sale or something. What is going on in your penis?

25:27 Caller I found actually two little bumps on the head of my penis.

25:32 Adam That's your balls, isn't it? That's under your penis?

25:36 Caller No. They're more towards the front.

25:38 Adam I see. I see. Why no doctor?

25:41 Caller And they really, really itch bad. And I've actually bought them cord aid and I put them on that. Put that on the bumps and everything. But they that seems to work. And I was just wondering, like, what are some symptoms of herpes or warts?

25:56 Drew Warts are painless little tags.

25:59 Caller Okay.

25:59 Drew And or sometimes they get larger and look like colic.

26:01 Adam Is this on the head of your penis?

26:04 Caller Yeah.

26:04 Adam Hey, Drew, do you guys get herpes on the head of their penis?

26:07 Drew Yeah, they can.

26:08 Adam But is it is that not frequent? Is it mostly like on the skin part, the shaft part?

26:14 Drew Yeah, I suppose mostly.

26:15 Adam Why is that?

26:16 Drew I don't know.

26:16 Adam Different kind of skin?

26:17 Drew Different kind of skin, slightly. But I've seen on the tip too.

26:20 Adam Really? Yeah. Well, that's bad. It's bad times. Why? It's bad anyway. Why? I don't know. If I go herpes, I go herpes on the shaft. You know why? Because I'll have sex and put a little duct tape or something around it.

26:31 Drew Ah.

26:32 Adam You know what I mean?

26:34 Caller They don't hurt or anything.

26:36 Adam But if it's on the head, what are you going to do?

26:37 Drew Wait, these things don't hurt?

26:39 Caller They don't hurt. I have no discharge or anything like that.

26:42 Drew They don't, it doesn't burn when I'm too mad or whatever. I can't visualize what you're describing.

26:46 Caller Well, they just, I mean, like, they could even be spider bites or whatever because I tend to sleep in naked, you know?

26:52 Drew They look like nodules, like little bites?

26:55 Caller Yeah, they look like little spider bites or whatever.

26:58 Drew On the tip of the penis?

26:59 Caller On the very tip, yeah.

27:01 Adam I don't know. I think people chalk too many things up to spiders biting.

27:05 Drew Oh, that's true.

27:06 Adam Yeah. How many gay spiders are there? If you think about it, there's no gay spiders. Spiders are a very manly animal. They don't go crawling around penises for a living. They kill, you understand? And eat.

27:19 Caller I have some spider bites on my thighs and on my arms and whatnot.

27:23 Adam How do you know those are spider bites?

27:25 Caller Well, because I grew up actually in Chicago in an old house.

27:30 Adam Oh, yeah.

27:31 Caller Yeah, and there were a lot of spiders in there.

27:33 Adam Yeah, the band's nodding their head feverishly.

27:35 Drew They're from Chicago.

27:36 Adam They know about spiders.

27:36 Yeah, we got lots of old spiders that bite penises in Chicago.

27:39 Drew Maybe they're scabies.

27:40 Adam Yeah, they weren't going to call it originally the Windy City. They're going to call it the dork being bitten by a spider city. But it seemed a little wordy because they went with Windy.

27:52 Drew They could be scabies, too.

27:54 Adam Yeah. Lies.

27:55 Drew He sounds like a scabies candidate. Just talking to him, you know?

27:58 Adam Yeah, like he's like squatting hounds in Chicago.

28:02 Wouldn't that be in other places, then, though?

28:05 Drew He talked about other places. It was on the ankles and thighs and waist and wrist.

28:09 That's where it happens.

28:10 Adam What are the scabies? Again, it always grosses me out when I hear this.

28:12 Drew It's a little lice, basically.

28:13 Adam But don't they burrow? Yeah. It freaks me out, those animals that live off you. You know whenever they show those commercials where they go, this, we've magnified a piece of pollen or a dust mite or whatever, there's millions of these, you're inhaling these, they're in your carpet, you're eating them right now as you watch this commercial and stuff. It always freaks me out. I always think, thank God I'm not stoned when I'm watching this. I really go nuts. God knows what's out there. You know what I'm saying, Drew?

28:41 Drew Let's talk about it during the song.

28:42 Adam You want to talk?

28:42 Drew Yeah, I know you're getting ready just to wax poetic.

28:45 Yeah.

28:46 Adam What is life anyway if you really break it down? You know what I'm saying?

28:50 Drew No.

28:51 Adam What's the nature of man? I mean, is it good or evil? You know what I mean, guys?

28:57 Drew You're so juju.

28:58 Adam All right. You want to talk about it during the song?

29:00 Drew Yeah.

29:00 Adam All right. Here's something from Disturbed. Can you cue it up there, Anderson? This is called Stupefied. Yeah, I like that. Wow. At the end, I'm hearing enough of that. That is Disturbed. The Sickness is the name of the CD. You can see him tomorrow night at the Universal Amphitheater over there with TSP, ESP, STP. I'm losing it. STP and who the hell is the other band?

33:31 Caller Godsmack.

33:32 Adam Yes, Godsmack. Tomorrow night. Can you still get tickets to that? It's sold out.

33:38 Caller Beyond sold out.

33:39 Adam Yeah. I bet if you went down there and brought some money, though, you might be able to get a ticket off of a nice gentleman out front who was selling. Look for the black guys who are selling the tickets and get yourself one of those. Drew, is that only a black man's job, that ticket hawking thing? If you ever, be honest. I know you don't want to be racist, but have you ever seen a white guy do that?

34:01 Drew Yes. Yeah.

34:02 Adam You have?

34:02 Drew Yeah.

34:02 Adam Where? In Europe?

34:03 Drew Rose Bowl. No.

34:04 Adam At the Rose Bowl? You sure?

34:07 Drew Yeah. But I did check out the airport security system. Yes. To see if there were other races represented there, where you check your luggage through the little extra machine. There are Indian women. Where? In LAX.

34:18 Adam LAX? You found another race? Here's my thought. I know in LA, they only let black people work security in the airport. Then when you travel sometimes, you'll find other races working security, but it's always one. It's like they decide on one. They go, what are we going to use? Well, we're at the airport in Toronto. What are we going to use for a race? For security. We got to decide. How about black? No, they're used. They got them in LA. Well, what do they have? They have until 2008. Okay. What do you want to go with? Mexican? No, they're using them in Cincinnati. Indian? Want to go Indian? Well, they do use some Indian women in Los Angeles, but they don't have the lion's share of them over there. I think we could go with that. Do we have any Indian people on here? No. We're going to have to ship them in. Whatever it is, they decide on one race for airport security for each different airport, and then that's it. I have never seen any colored person but a black person at the LAX, and then when you travel around, you'll see, it's like I think it's their family. It's a whole family of security. Is that what it is?

35:30 Drew I don't know.

35:30 Adam Like at the airport, it's like the Jacksons or something are doing security.

35:34 Here we go.

35:35 Adam No one else has noticed that?

35:36 Drew This is Madison. She's 20.

35:38 Adam Drew, let me ask you something seriously.

35:40 Drew No.

35:40 Adam Have you ever experienced a white person at LAX working any form of security?

35:44 Drew No.

35:45 Adam How many times do you think you've been through LA?

35:47 Drew 300.

35:47 Adam 300? Were we born in Los Angeles? Any white person ever?

35:54 Drew Not at LAX?

35:54 Adam Any form of security?

35:55 Drew Not at LAX?

35:56 Adam Ever. Damn, bitch.

35:58 Drew Oh, God. I'm getting offended.

36:00 Adam Is that a racist statement?

36:02 Drew Yeah.

36:02 Adam Why?

36:03 Drew Because it is.

36:04 Adam Why? You're the one who hasn't seen any white people over there. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I'm just saying I have never seen that. Madison?

36:12 Hello?

36:13 Adam You're 20.

36:14 Caller Yeah.

36:14 Adam What's up?

36:15 Caller I have a problem.

36:16 Adam All right.

36:17 Caller I think I had sex with a hermaphrodite.

36:20 Adam Really?

36:20 Caller Yeah. And I don't know. It's the weirdest thing to have me. I was really drunk and I had sex with this guy and he had a really small penis.

36:28 Adam Yeah. Hold on. You better hope he's a hermaphrodite because otherwise he's really going to be offended. You know what I mean? Like, can you imagine some chick going, just apropos to nothing. But are you hermaphrodite? I mean, like after you had sex with him the night before? I know.

36:47 Caller I wanted to ask him, but I just didn't know how to. Okay, this is what I think. We were having sex and then I reached down to like touch his balls, you know? And there were none there. What guy has no balls?

36:59 Drew Well, guys that have like testicular, there are various forms of problems with that. I mean, people can have non-descended testes after they're removed. All kinds of things can happen.

37:07 Caller Okay.

37:08 Adam Well, and you could...

37:09 Caller How old was the kid? Maybe they were 12?

37:10 Caller He was only 19.

37:11 Drew I mean, that may be why he has the small penis. He didn't develop normally because of undescended testes.

37:15 Caller So, that doesn't mean he's a hermaphrodite?

37:17 Drew No. How old was the kid?

37:19 Adam He was 19.

37:20 Caller And there was something else. His nipples weren't like normal nipples. They were like... They had like big areolas around him like women do that were like puffy, even though he was a really thin guy.

37:30 Drew Did he smoke a lot of pot?

37:33 Caller He does smoke pot, yeah.

37:34 Drew All right. Well, that's where that came from.

37:35 Adam Hey, I'm Madison.

37:35 That's where that came from, yeah.

37:37 Adam You must be some piece of ass to go to bed with this circus freak on the first night.

37:43 Caller I was so drunk. And like the minute I saw he didn't have balls, I was like, get off me, you know? And it was dark.

37:50 We were outside.

37:54 Caller The no balls alarm went off and you pushed him right away.

37:58 Adam Where did you go to finishing school, Madison?

38:00 Caller Shut up.

38:01 Really?

38:03 Caller So that doesn't mean he's a hermaphrodite.

38:05 Adam No.

38:05 Caller And I also wanted to ask.

38:06 Adam You know what? It's so funny though. Hold on a second. I don't know why. Maybe this is just because I have some sort of emotion of emotional Tourette's or something. But the whole time she's talking, I'm picturing her dad like circa 1980, looking like holding his baby like she's wearing like little little Yoda jammies or something. And he's looking at her and he's going, one day you're going to be the first female president. And like fast forward 20 years, this guy with these trashcan sized nipples was working me. I was pretty loaded. But he had reached down to give him a little handy. And he had no balls, so I kicked his scrawny ass right off me, man. Oh, my God. Luckily, there were some men in the party. I was able to finish off with them. All right. So no balls. Small penis. How small was his penis?

38:59 Caller It was like three inches.

39:01 Adam Yeah. Erect?

39:03 Caller I kicked him out of bed when I saw that.

39:04 Adam Yeah. But listen, there's something called the cremasteric response, right, Drew?

39:09 Drew Yeah.

39:09 Adam But the balls come up like a landing gear on an aircraft when, you know, when you're when they're in a situation where they could get hurt. And when you're with a ball buster, your balls go up and hide in a fuselage.

39:23 Drew And Madison, having busted a few, I suspect knows between none and retract.

39:29 Caller He didn't even have a sack there.

39:31 Drew Did he ejaculate?

39:33 Caller No, I kicked him out of bed when I realized he didn't have a sack.

39:36 Adam What did you say?

39:37 Caller What did you say? God.

39:39 Caller I just said, I gotta go.

39:41 Caller Sorry, you have no balls. This isn't happening.

39:43 Drew And you had another question? You said you were going to ask something else?

39:45 Caller Yeah, is being a hermaphrodite a hereditary gene?

39:50 Drew Well, hermaphrodites are extremely rare. Really, what most people are talking about with hermaphrodite is either ambiguous genitalia, which are kids that are born with sort of a vagina and a penis, basically, which is not a hermaphrodite. Those are usually males. And or something called testicular feminization, which is a male who has lots of circulating testosterone at appropriate levels, but the body doesn't respond to it. It doesn't have the receiving system, so it just becomes spontaneously female.

40:18 Caller So, do you get it like hereditary?

40:21 Adam Are you scared you could have caught it from him?

40:24 Caller No, I'm scared I'm going to give birth to like a little baby hermaphrodite now.

40:28 Drew He didn't ejaculate, right? It's not hereditary, no.

40:31 Caller But you can get pregnant anyway, can't you?

40:33 Drew That's true. Why didn't you have him wear a condom in that case?

40:35 Caller He was at first, and then it came off because it was so small.

40:40 Caller But I thought you stopped when you saw he didn't have any balls.

40:42 Caller I did.

40:43 Drew She's worrying about leak, pre-condom.

40:46 Adam Yeah, but what's he going to leak out of that thing if he's got no balls?

40:50 Drew Well, he's probably on testosterone now, and probably everything working. You're right, but he doesn't have no sperm.

40:55 Caller Yeah, that's a good point.

40:56 Caller So he didn't have sperm if he had no balls.

40:58 Drew Right.

40:58 Adam Hey, Madison, you go to junior college?

41:01 Caller Yeah.

41:02 Adam Yeah.

41:02 Caller What?

41:03 Adam I always know it. I always know junior college. Ladies and gentlemen, this is where your tax dollars going to make sure people like Madison get a good education. Because I really, Drew, every 100th call, I smelled junior college, right?

41:17 Drew Never wrong.

41:18 Adam Right. I smelled junior college coming out of her like you smell Thanksgiving coming out of the kitchen when you're watching the ballgames on Thanksgiving, you're sitting in the living room with your like fat uncle drinking beer and you smell like coming out of the kitchen, that's stuff and that's what I smell. I smelled junior college all over her. I really did. All right. She should not get pregnant with anybody. I don't care if we dig up Einstein, he shouldn't knock her up. That kid would come out as a retard. He would. Her retard genes are enough to overpower any man's sperm. This poor son of a bitch. He was probably just had his confidence all build up. He finally met a chick. He was feeling good about himself.

41:58 Drew He finally got his testosterone level built back up.

41:59 Adam She's kicking him. Go, go.

42:00 I got to go.

42:05 Drew I got to get out of here.

42:07 Adam All right. Disturbed is the guest tonight. We'll be back. Talk to them, talk to you after this. Hey, hey, hey, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Disturbed is our guest. Fuzz, Dan, and David are all here. From the band The Sickness is the name of the CD, Universal Amphitheater, tomorrow night with Stone Temple Pilots and Godsmack. And Drew's doing something with Extra, the TV show. Yeah. What is that, don't know?

43:14 Drew Do some commentary on relationships. And you know, I'm doing something very cool, though. I'm going to go out in a field with the camera and just ask questions. Just just talk to people.

43:24 Adam What did you do? Did you get a publicist or something?

43:25 Drew No.

43:26 Adam Really? Seriously.

43:27 Drew I think this was a Big Brother thing, fallout.

43:30 Adam Really? Yeah. All right. I'm glad. Are they paying you? Yeah. A little bit? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Drew is desperate, everybody. You want him to work your kid's party. You call the station. Drew, you got your clown make up, right?

43:45 Drew It's on now.

43:45 Adam Drew, someone drops a nickel in Iowa. Drew is on the next plane. That's what I love about him. Jason?

43:53 Caller Yeah.

43:54 Adam You're 13. What's up?

43:56 Caller Yeah.

43:56 Caller I made out with this girl that is sexually active a little while ago and I was wondering if I could get an STD from that.

44:04 Adam How active sexually is she?

44:06 Caller She just had sex once. She's been banged up a few times, stuff like that.

44:10 Drew What does that mean?

44:11 Caller Banged up.

44:12 Adam Is that finger banging? Yeah. Wait a minute. Hold on a second. She's had sex one time, but has had the finger stuff a couple of times. Yeah. It's banged up. I didn't know that.

44:28 Caller Banged up in normal terminology means you get beaten.

44:32 Adam Yeah. Banged up is something happens when you go like a desert racing on your motorcycle or something, and like roll a dune buggy or get beaten on or something. But anyway, I guess it's a form of assaulting the vagina. In a sense. You know what I mean? It's like your vagina got rolled. It's basically, especially if it's a 13-year-old doing it, because he don't even know what he's going, he's digging for gold.

44:56 Caller He may very well bang it up.

44:57 Caller Right.

44:58 Drew All right. Jason, it's not likely you're going to get STD from kissing somebody your age.

45:01 Caller All right.

45:02 Caller Hey, Adam.

45:03 Adam Yeah.

45:04 Caller You are gone.

45:05 Adam Thank you.

45:05 Caller I would like you to just say, how dare you to Steven Sunkist, because he won't believe me when I tell him that I was on Loveline.

45:12 Caller All right.

45:13 Adam Did you say it or do you want me to say it?

45:15 Caller I'd like you to say it for me, please.

45:16 Caller All right.

45:17 Adam How dare you? Brad, I have to mean how dare you in order to say my how dare you, and then I do my double how dare you with my double clutch at the first one, which is where I'm out of breath. How dare you?

45:32 Drew Brad, 14.

45:34 Caller Oh, hi.

45:34 Caller Hey.

45:35 Caller I was just wondering, okay, first of all, I want to say that you guys are awesome. I listen to you guys every night. Thank you.

45:41 Caller Adam, you're hilarious.

45:42 Drew Got about 40 seconds here, Brad, before I can get going.

45:45 Caller Okay, first, my question is that my sister, I guess, when she was about 13 or 14, and she started smoking pot and doing and drinking alcohol, and she just, she wrecked my mom's car and totally totaled it, and she was in inpatient for like 30 days, and she got sober about two years ago, and I just found out she started smoking pot again, and I want to know if I should say it.

46:09 Drew So she's 15 now? She's 15 now?

46:11 Caller She's 18 now.

46:12 Drew 18 now. So she was sober for about four or five years?

46:15 Caller Well, she just got sober, I guess, about two years ago. So she was active with pot and with...

46:23 Adam All right. Now she's back on with the weed.

46:25 Drew Yeah. Absolutely talked to her about it.

46:27 Caller Okay. So my parents don't know about it, so I don't know if I should tell them.

46:31 Drew I think you should. You're trying to help her. You're trying to help her. She's an addict.

46:36 Adam All right. Why don't you talk to her first? Okay. And see what you can get out of her before you go to her parents.

46:42 Drew Try to get...

46:43 Adam That's what I do.

46:43 Drew Get her back in touch with her sponsor or her groom or her...

46:46 Adam Remember extortion with your sister?

46:48 Drew Yeah.

46:48 Adam You found out something. You're going to mom and dad unless you got something.

46:51 Drew Right.

46:52 Adam Like a BJ or something.

46:53 Drew Oh.

46:54 Adam Just seeing if you go along with it.

46:56 Drew All right.

46:56 Adam Disturbed is here. We'll take ourselves a break.

46:59 Caller We'll be back.

47:03 Um, back in a minute.

47:44 Adam Anderson didn't turn the mic on. That was my big moment, man. I'm waiting all week for that little two count in there to do my radio jabber. All right, well, Anderson's just cursed the last hour of the show. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Disturbed is with us tonight. The Sickness is the name of the CD. Tomorrow night over at the Universal Amphitheater, everyone with the SDP and Godsmack. Fuzz Dan and David are all here from the band and we'll hop back to the phones. Jonathan?

48:18 Caller Hi.

48:19 Adam Hey, you're 16. What's up?

48:20 Caller What's up, Adam? I just want to say you and Dr. Drew rock and your show is awesome.

48:25 Adam Thank you.

48:25 Caller And I had a couple questions for Disturbed.

48:28 Adam Go right ahead.

48:29 Caller In the song Stupefy, that little like 30-second thing where you like to say something in some other language. What is that?

48:37 Caller It's a Hebrew word. The word is Tifahed. Yes, I know that sounds a little guttural there. Like I'm joking on something, but it's not. It means be afraid.

48:47 Caller Cool, cool. And also, when are you guys coming down to San Diego?

48:52 Caller I don't know. When are we coming down to San Diego? Hopefully soon. Nothing confirmed yet.

48:56 Caller We're leaving for Europe on Saturday.

48:59 Caller And nothing confirmed for San Diego yet when we come back.

49:03 Caller Not yet, but we love San Diego.

49:05 Caller Definitely. I hope you guys soon. I'm trying to say, keep it up.

49:13 Caller We're always trying to keep it up.

49:16 Caller All right.

49:17 Adam Thanks, Jonathan.

49:18 Caller One more thing.

49:18 Adam Oh, yeah.

49:20 Caller There you go, Jonathan.

49:22 Wah!

49:24 Adam All right, Jonathan.

49:25 Caller Good night.

49:25 Adam All right. Easy on that weed, brother. You always know when a guy's smoking pot and he goes, I just want to say one more thing about the band. Carry on. Carla?

49:40 Oh, hi. It's Cara. And I wanted to know-

49:44 Adam It's what?

49:45 Cara.

49:46 Adam Cara?

49:47 Caller Yeah.

49:47 Adam Oh, okay.

49:48 I wanted to know, like, because my friend had sex yesterday and she doesn't know-

49:54 Drew Turn your radio down. Turn your radio down.

49:56 Caller Yeah, it's down.

49:57 And she doesn't know she's pregnant.

49:59 Drew Have her take the morning after pill now. What are you waiting for?

50:04 Well, it's not me. It's her. And she, like, has no money and it's like $35.

50:08 Drew Go to Planned Parenthood. You can get it for nothing.

50:11 Really?

50:12 Drew Morning at, why would she not, does she want to get pregnant? No. Okay. Why would she not take this product?

50:19 She's basically broke.

50:21 Drew Again. Okay. Planned Parenthood. Free. Go get it. Why would she not? What's the problem?

50:27 I don't know. I haven't discussed that with her.

50:29 Drew Okay. If she's going to otherwise just sit around and wait until she does get pregnant, she will.

50:33 Adam And money's not an excuse because even though this morning after pill is what, $30, $35, as I was telling you earlier in the month, I spoke to my father about this just the other week and he said he spent almost $85 raising me. So.

50:50 Drew A year.

50:51 Adam No, no. I'm just saying it was $85. And that's adjusted for inflation too.

50:55 Drew $19.65.

50:56 Adam That was zero to age 18 and a half. My stepmom kicked me out of the house. But the point is $85 is nearly triple what the morning after pill would cost. So, I mean, just from, ask any investor, right? That's the way you go.

51:10 Drew Right. Solid.

51:11 Adam And with some kids, I hear it goes as high as $100. Although I didn't grow up with any of those guys, but still you do the math.

51:18 Drew Yeah. And look, with morning after pills, a hormone that prevents ovulation, just like your birth control pill, taken before you have sex, same mechanism of action entirely.

51:26 Adam Right.

51:26 Drew Take it within three days of unprotected.

51:28 Adam Not an abortion pill.

51:29 Drew You're about two-thirds protected with that.

51:31 Adam Travis?

51:33 Caller Yeah.

51:33 Adam You're 17?

51:34 Caller Yeah.

51:34 Adam What's up?

51:35 Caller Um, yeah, I was wondering if there were any negative effects from Ativan?

51:42 Drew A single exposure to Ativan?

51:48 Caller Um, like...

51:49 Adam You've tried it once?

51:51 Caller Just one moment, please. Turn off that radio.

51:55 Adam You only had the Ativan one time?

51:58 Caller No, a couple of times. But one time it was given to me when it exceeded the level of what I was supposed to take.

52:07 Drew No problem.

52:08 Adam It's fine. Who gave it to you?

52:11 Caller Um, it was a doctor.

52:13 Drew What do you mean, it exceeded the level you were supposed to take?

52:15 Caller Well, it was, the dosage was higher than you were supposed to take. Yeah.

52:23 Drew How do you know that?

52:24 Caller I see. I looked it up in a medical dictionary.

52:27 Drew How much did you take?

52:29 Caller It was like five milligrams.

52:31 Drew That's a big dose. That's a big dose.

52:33 Caller Five milligrams of it? Yeah.

52:35 Drew By mouth?

52:37 Caller What did you say?

52:38 Drew Was it by mouth?

52:39 Caller Yes.

52:39 Drew That's a big dose.

52:41 Adam How else do you take it? Anally? Shot in the anus?

52:45 Drew No, just necessary.

52:46 Adam I see. Shot. What's that do for you?

52:49 Drew To date you.

52:50 Adam It does? Yeah.

52:51 Caller I get some of it. I was out for like all day.

52:53 Adam Who did that? What were you doing?

52:55 Drew You must have been in a hospital like in a locked unit or something, right?

52:58 Caller Yeah.

52:58 Adam Were you spinning out?

52:59 Caller Oh, yeah.

53:01 Caller After that, yeah.

53:02 Drew No, no, no.

53:03 Adam What got you into the locked unit?

53:06 Caller It was, well, violent behavior.

53:10 Adam I see. So it wasn't your fault.

53:11 Caller And fear of me flipping out.

53:14 Adam I see.

53:14 Drew So the five milligrams for somebody that's violent is a pretty reasonable dose.

53:18 Adam Why were you spinning out?

53:24 Caller Just the way I was a couple years ago.

53:27 Adam I see. All right. Well, thanks for the clarity, Travis. I close my eyes to see exactly what went on. You paint quite a vivid picture. OK?

53:36 OK. OK.

53:37 Adam Have fun. OK. Please don't get a job. We have to communicate with people.

53:41 Caller I won't.

53:43 Adam You get a job like handling baggage or something. She said, I love these guys. I took more than I exceeded the dosage. How much? More than what it was supposed to be.

53:55 Drew Somebody gave it to me.

53:57 Adam It's funny. They try to fool you. It's like the guy spun out and they probably had him clamped down to some bed somewhere, right?

54:02 Drew This was probably to save him from hurting himself.

54:04 Caller It sedated him.

54:05 Adam Danielle?

54:07 Caller Yeah.

54:08 Adam You're 13. What's up?

54:10 Caller I was just wondering, like, you know how you guys say that girls with bad dads are attracted to bad guys, and if they have a good dad, they're attracted to good guys?

54:21 Adam Most of the time.

54:21 Drew Yeah, it's sort of what we say.

54:23 Caller Yeah. Well, like, there's this guy, and he's like kind of a bad guy, and I like him, and so I was wondering if that was like because of that, or is it just like a coincidence?

54:35 Adam Well, here's the way it works, usually. Girls with bad dads like bad guys, and girls with good dads like bad boys. You know what I mean? Like, the guys who look like bad boys are bad guys, but they're not really serious alcoholic abusers. They're bad boys.

54:55 Drew They're caricatures.

54:56 Adam Yeah, they're like, they're the guys who are bad in the after school special.

55:02 Drew Right, right.

55:02 Adam But they're not really bad guys.

55:04 Caller Right.

55:05 Adam They're not the, yes, they're the Greece or West Side Story version of the bad guy. But not the real bad guy, the guy who pimps you out, the guy who beats on you, the guy who forces you to like turn tricks to get him drug money.

55:19 Drew And even the pseudo bad guy they grow out of by the time they're...

55:21 Adam Yeah, and you grow out of it.

55:22 Caller Right.

55:23 Adam So your dad's a good guy, right?

55:26 Caller No, my dad's bad.

55:27 Adam Oh, okay. Well, then you're going to get pimped out. Is that okay?

55:31 Drew No.

55:32 Adam No, okay. Well, there's really nothing you can do.

55:35 Drew How about not going after people you're so attracted to and realizing that attraction is built on some pretty unhealthy past and maybe be with guys you just sort of like as people and you know it's not so dramatic and interesting.

55:48 Adam That'll never work. What kind of bad guys is your dad?

55:52 Caller He like, he used to like beat on my sister and me, mostly my sister though.

55:57 Adam Right. And anything else?

56:00 Caller Well, he's like usually drunk and he took my mom to court to get full custody of us because they were split up and and he like he lost and my mom was married at the time and so he just told he told my mom that my stepdad to just adopt us and like he like abused us like a lot.

56:25 Drew The stepdad?

56:27 Caller Huh?

56:27 Drew The stepdad did or your biological dad?

56:29 Caller My biological dad. My stepdad was really cool.

56:32 Caller All right.

56:32 Adam So sexual abuse or physical abuse?

56:37 Drew Both.

56:38 Adam How old is your sister? How is she doing?

56:43 Caller She's like my dad now pretty much.

56:45 Drew She's addicted. She's an alcoholic.

56:47 Caller Yeah.

56:47 Adam Yeah. That's great work. So you think you can avoid this?

56:52 Caller Probably.

56:53 Adam Yeah.

56:54 Drew But she's going to look for alcoholics to fix.

56:56 Adam Yeah. Hey, listen, Danielle, you really don't hook up with an alcoholic or an abusive guy. Could you just not do that? I mean, don't you know sort of first-hand the horrors of that?

57:08 Caller Yeah.

57:09 Adam And I know it's something that you're attracted to or you may become attracted to. But you got to understand when you're attracted to it, that that's why you're attracted to it. And not go out and intentionally f up your life. I mean, seek out people that are going to ruin your life.

57:26 Caller I don't do that.

57:27 Adam You don't do it? No. Good. Can you go lesbian? No. No. Okay. Well, it's worth a try. Yeah. All right. And your sister, can you get her some help? Can you?

57:39 Caller Mom, my sister, she's trying to stop. Like, she used to smoke weed, like, a lot, and she's stopping now. My mom threatened to have us to make a move to Michigan, where she was born, if she got bad grades. And so she's, like, bringing up her grades.

57:56 Drew Does your mom know how badly, how much your sister's using drugs and alcohol?

57:59 Caller Yeah.

57:59 Drew She knows.

58:01 Caller Well, she doesn't, I don't think she knows about the drugs. Well, she found out the other day, I think.

58:04 Adam Does she know about the abuse?

58:06 Caller Yeah.

58:06 Adam All right.

58:07 Caller That's why she made us stop seeing my dad.

58:08 Drew Yeah. Your sister's gonna need a little treatment here, Danielle. A lot of help.

58:12 Caller Yeah.

58:12 Adam All right. But, Danielle, you've got a good head on your shoulders. You'll be all right.

58:16 Caller Okay.

58:16 Adam You just keep your eyes open, all right?

58:18 Caller Okay.

58:18 Adam I don't trust any men.

58:20 Caller Okay.

58:20 Adam All right. Find a guy you're not attracted to at all, and run to him.

58:24 Drew There you go.

58:25 Adam And stay with him. Okay? That's the key.

58:27 Okay.

58:27 Adam All right. Marry yourself a guy who you're repulsed by physically, and you have no attraction to. All right?

58:33 Okay.

58:34 Adam All right. That's... Believe me, that's how it would work. That would be the best thing for her. If she's attracted to a guy, I don't trust that guy.

58:41 Drew Right.

58:41 Adam And I don't trust her radar. Bill?

58:45 Caller Yes.

58:45 Adam You're 27.

58:47 Caller Yes.

58:47 Adam What's up?

58:48 Caller I have a question for Dr. Drew.

58:50 Caller Yep.

58:51 I was wondering if you've heard of re-nutrient. It's a GHB alternative.

58:56 Drew What does that mean, GHB alternative?

58:58 Caller It's... They call it a natural alternative to GHB. Some bodybuilders use it. Some people use it for sleeping.

59:05 Drew You know, if it has even close to the same pharmacologic activity as GHB, it's going to be a disaster.

59:12 Caller It had something in it called furanone. Does that ring a bell?

59:16 Drew No. What... Alternative in what sense? What is it alternative for in terms of the...

59:20 Caller Well, it gives you kind of a high similar to GHB.

59:24 Drew Well, then it will be... If it is activating the same mechanism in the brain, it's going to be a disaster.

59:30 Adam But isn't it sort of a catch-22, which is if it doesn't work, it doesn't work, and if it does work, then...

59:36 Drew It's going to be a problem.

59:37 Adam You might as well just take the GHB. Right. You know what I'm saying? I mean, just because it's an herb doesn't really make a difference.

59:44 Drew Yeah, it's a chemical, that's all. I think it's a chemical. I don't care if it comes out of a plant. I mean, the most destructive chemicals for the brain on earth are in plants, small doses.

59:52 Adam Right. Broccoli, cauliflower. Is that what you're talking about?

59:56 Drew And I tell you, the GHB scares the hell out of me. I've seen some people are messed up for a long time if they stop using that drug.

1:00:01 Adam Really?

1:00:01 Drew And it is very addictive for some people.

1:00:04 Adam What is that high like? Is that like booze?

1:00:06 Drew I think, yeah, like booze meets anavan kind of thing. Similar. Like a little opiate, little booze.

1:00:11 Adam I've got to grab some of that. You know, the thing that's scary about me is whenever Drew starts describing the high, I start thinking, oh, I've got to get some of that. Oh, my God. One, one, one, a half a tablet of this is like drinking a 12-pack and down and eating a sack of heroin. And I go, oh. Yeah, that sounds like a weekend. Yeah, GHB sounds alright. I've never tried that one, though, Drew.

1:00:41 Drew Yeah, you weren't around, Pops.

1:00:42 Adam It does. Does that put you to sleep, though? Is that the one where the kids are all fishing out on the sidewalk after the rave, you know, the heart stopping and that stuff? Is that the GHB?

1:00:54 Drew GHB can do funny stuff, too.

1:00:58 Adam And describe ecstasy real quick, because that one I've done. So I'm going to check your math here.

1:01:01 Drew Ecstasy is like speed plus LSD. It feels good. That's why people say we do it. The problem is that it's purrifically damaging to the brain. Yeah.

1:01:11 Adam Come on. You're ruining my high now. Katie?

1:01:15 Caller Yeah.

1:01:15 Adam You're 18. What's up?

1:01:18 Caller I just want to say, Adam, you are the man.

1:01:20 Caller Oh, thanks.

1:01:22 Caller And disturbed.

1:01:23 Caller Oh, I love you guys.

1:01:24 Caller You guys kick ass.

1:01:26 Caller Oh, we love you, Katie.

1:01:28 Caller I'm here in Phoenix, and you guys are going to be here in concert on Friday, and I can't wait to see you guys.

1:01:33 Caller Well, we can't wait to see you either.

1:01:36 Caller I've been trying all week long from the radio station to win backstage passes so I can meet you.

1:01:41 Caller Well, if we see you, you may get them anyway.

1:01:45 Adam Did you win them?

1:01:46 Caller Uh-uh.

1:01:47 Adam How does it go? What is the contest?

1:01:50 Caller Just, they play different songs, and I tell you to be a certain caller, and then you win, but...

1:01:56 Caller Wait a second. You are 18, right?

1:01:58 Caller Yeah.

1:01:59 Caller Okay. I'm not sure.

1:02:01 Adam You'll make it.

1:02:03 Caller All right. All right.

1:02:04 Caller I look forward to see you guys.

1:02:06 Adam All right, Katie.

1:02:07 Caller Adam, Dr. Drew, you guys kick ass.

1:02:09 Adam We'll see you in Arizona.

1:02:10 Caller All right.

1:02:11 Adam All right.

1:02:11 Caller Bye.

1:02:12 Adam You know, I always wonder about that. I've been in... Have you ever been at the radio station when they do that, we'll take the 99th caller? Yeah. And I've done it, because I've been at the morning show at K-Rock a million times. They do? We'll take the 99th caller. He's going to get the SDP and disturbed tickets over at the Universal Amphitheater. And then some poor son of a bitch is making $4 an hour, sits at the phone, and he goes, Caller number one, sorry. Caller number two, sorry. Caller number three, sorry.

1:02:36 Caller Number four, sorry.

1:02:37 Adam And usually by the time he gets to like 68, I always turn to someone and go, Really? 99? They couldn't have gone with 27? They couldn't have gone with 14? They had to make this poor son of a bitch? And I always figured whenever I'm listening to the radio, when they want caller 99 wins the ticket, I figure the guy sat there, watched a phone ring for about 20 minutes, and then picked up the phone and went, your caller 98, sorry, and then the next one, you know, that's the way I do it. I would estimate the amount of time that it took 99 people to phone the radio station, get to about 95 and probably work the last four actual calls. But goddamn if they don't pick up every single call and have a short conversation with every single of the 98 people before the 99th caller gets in there. I cannot figure that out for the life of me. What is that radio strategy, Drew?

1:03:30 Drew I always thought there was some sort of legal issue. They had to do it.

1:03:33 Adam Like they couldn't do it, caller number one?

1:03:35 Drew Oh, I see why they...

1:03:36 Adam Yeah, what about number one?

1:03:38 Drew Drama.

1:03:39 Adam Drama? Who cares? Just go caller number one. That's drama.

1:03:42 Drew It's radio.

1:03:43 Adam Oh, it's radio. That's right. Who are we to argue with radio? I'll tell you who we are. We won the Billboard Syndicated Show of the Year, right? Two years running?

1:03:52 Yeah.

1:03:53 Adam Have you seen that award yet?

1:03:54 No.

1:03:54 Adam Whatever. You're getting in to bring that in. Larry?

1:03:57 Yeah.

1:03:57 Adam You're 22.

1:03:59 Caller Yeah. He disturbed you guys are awesome.

1:04:00 Drew What's up, Larry?

1:04:02 Caller I was wondering if I could get Dr. Drew to perform with my cousins Bar Mitzvah?

1:04:05 Caller Yeah.

1:04:08 Adam Have you mastered the unicycle yet, Drew, or are you still working on it?

1:04:13 Drew I'm not prepared to talk about that.

1:04:14 Adam If you, what do you got? You got 300 bucks? It's got to be cash.

1:04:19 Caller Maybe 200.

1:04:21 Adam All right. What's up?

1:04:23 Caller Well, the last couple of days you guys have been talking about like why can't the elections worry about some pot issues and that? Well, I saw on the news today that California passed a proposition where you can grow up to 25 pot plants in your house for personal use. Really?

1:04:40 Adam I think that must be for some kind of medical.

1:04:43 Drew Yeah, I think it's for the medical thing.

1:04:45 Caller Okay, because he said for personal use and I was just wondering if that's true or not.

1:04:49 Adam Well, personal use if you have personal cancer.

1:04:51 Caller Okay.

1:04:52 Adam But not if you're just some radio guy.

1:04:55 Caller Okay, so I don't have to move to California now?

1:04:57 Adam No. No. Stay away.

1:04:58 Caller All right.

1:05:00 Adam Stay far away. Everyone listening is not from California. Stay where you are. We got enough people here. And believe me, I know you guys. Here's the problem. We're in a lot of cities that are outside of California. And let me tell you guys something. I know you guys tune in to the Rose Bowl once a year. Meanwhile, you're staring at it. You look down, there's an icicle hanging off your junk. And you watched a blimp flying over the Rose Bowl, and it's 76 degrees, and everything's in bloom, and it's green, and it's beautiful. It's not that way. It's dirty, it's dark, it's crime-riddled. It's hot.

1:05:33 Drew No culture.

1:05:33 Adam No culture. Everything's made out of aluminum and stucco. You'll be raped at the border. Do not come. Stay where you are. Thank you. I'm tired of every A-hole. My take on Los Angeles is it is the top 1% of all A-holes from around the country end up here. It's like if you're living in a small town in Iowa, and there's a big A-hole in town, he ends up in LA.

1:05:59 Drew He's going west.

1:06:00 Adam Yeah, we become the pan for the A-hole capital of the world. The A-hole pan in the oven of life. All the drippings land on us. That's why we can't support a football team or anything. Everyone here is doing something else. They're all looking out for their own ass. They've all come here to do something, not hang out. And I'm tired of it. You guys stay where you are.

1:06:28 Caller Rick?

1:06:29 Caller Yeah.

1:06:29 Adam You're 22.

1:06:31 Caller Yeah.

1:06:31 Caller Adam, I had some souffle humor for you.

1:06:34 Adam Oh yeah. Go ahead.

1:06:35 Caller Charlie's Angels. They've got souffle humor in that. Pretty funny.

1:06:39 Adam In the movie? Anderson told me about that. Yeah. Well, hold on a second. Because I came up with some humor I was missing out on the other night. You guys have no idea what we're talking about. But I sit around, I watch television, I watch sitcoms, and I say, what happened to the humor of the 70s that I grew up with? For instance, souffle humor, where they're cooking, they're baking the souffle. Alice is in the kitchen, she's baking the souffle. Greg comes storming into the kitchen, slams the kitchen door, goes trouncing past it. Alice runs to the oven, looks in. It hasn't fallen yet. Still up. In Act 3, it falls. Eventually, it falls. But there's a lot of humor that you don't see on TV anymore. You know what I was thinking about? The closet. Closet humor.

1:07:22 Drew Hiding in the closet.

1:07:23 Adam Hiding in the closet? Thinking the closet was the front door. A lot of walking into the closet. I'll give you like a, let's say a Threes company where Jack Tripper is like house-sitting a big mansion. He brings his date over and he tells her, it's his house, it's his mansion. She's so impressed and he says, fine, shall we go out to eat? He opens the closet door and walks into it thinking it's the front door and then make some dorky excuse.

1:07:50 Drew And in the 70s humor, thinking it's a bathroom too.

1:07:53 Adam That was the other good closet one.

1:07:55 Drew But in the 70s humor, it wasn't walk in to the threshold, oh, I made a mistake. It's walk in, close the door behind you, six beats later, come on out.

1:08:04 Caller Right.

1:08:05 Adam Wearing three coats.

1:08:06 Drew Yeah, right.

1:08:06 Adam Absolutely. That and opening the closet, having the bowling ball roll down and land on your head or just the junk come flying out of the closet. Anywhere, any way you slice it, there's a fair amount of humor surrounding the closet. I don't see that humor anymore and I'd like to see it again. Hiding, thinking it's the bathroom door, thinking it's the front door or just the old bowling ball gag when you open it, or just being buried in an avalanche of just junk when you open the closet. It's something that's missing and I feel sorry for kids growing up today. They don't have that. Rick? Yeah. So there was a souffle humor.

1:08:39 Drew There was a lot of humor, I'll just say about this. A lot of humor of people not able to drive, suddenly driving cars.

1:08:46 Adam You know what I'm talking about? From the seventies?

1:08:49 Drew Yeah, they can't drive, Jeannie can't drive, but now she's getting in the car behind a wheel.

1:08:54 Adam Yeah, a lot of starting and stopping and hitting the brakes. Yeah, the car humor. I guess someone decided it was dangerous because there's not so much booze and humor anymore either that make mine a double or the guy's driving drunk. They kind of steer away from too many fatalities on the road. I guess it's not funny anymore. Rick?

1:09:14 Caller Yeah.

1:09:15 Adam Yeah, I'm sorry. Go ahead.

1:09:16 Caller No problem.

1:09:16 Caller And Disturb, you guys kick ass.

1:09:19 Caller Thank you, brother.

1:09:19 Caller I saw you down here in Tucson. Hey, the last time you were here, some chick threw her panties up on stage.

1:09:25 Caller I was just wondering if she ever went to the tour bus.

1:09:27 Caller Hell no.

1:09:28 Caller No, she didn't.

1:09:28 Caller I remember that and those were a really big pair of panties and she did not make it on the tour bus.

1:09:35 Caller Well, that's a good thing, man.

1:09:36 Adam Hey, Rick, what part of Arizona did you say you were calling from? Tucson. Oh, Tucson.

1:09:42 Caller Oh, my God, they were a huge pair of panties. A frightening girl, too.

1:09:46 Adam Alright, Rick.

1:09:47 Caller Alright, thanks a lot.

1:09:48 Adam They'll see you. No, wait, where are you guys going?

1:09:50 Caller Phoenix. Yeah, they'll be down here in Phoenix.

1:09:52 Adam Alright, are you going to go see them?

1:09:53 Caller Definitely.

1:09:54 Adam Alright.

1:09:55 Caller Alright, thanks a lot.

1:09:55 Adam Good times there, Rick.

1:09:58 Caller David.

1:09:59 Adam 24, what's up?

1:10:01 I think I know what replaced Souffle Humor on TV.

1:10:05 Adam Good.

1:10:06 Caller Thank God.

1:10:07 Every show, no matter what it is, from The Simpsons to everything else, there's always a bachelor auction. Every single show has had a bachelor auction episode and always in the same way.

1:10:18 Adam Yeah, but that doesn't replace Souffle Humor.

1:10:20 Oh, no, nothing can replace Souffle Humor.

1:10:22 Adam And the bachelor auction has been around for a little while.

1:10:25 Oklahoma.

1:10:26 Adam Yeah. Sorry, David.

1:10:28 Caller It's a cheap substitute.

1:10:29 Adam It's not a substitute. But I appreciate you trying to make that weak correlation. Please. How dare he? After I make my brilliant closet analogy, my closet humor and where's it gone? What are the other ones, Drew?

1:10:44 Drew Let's think about it in the break.

1:10:45 Adam No. Let's talk about it now. Remember when people used to dine quicksand? Like movies and television. What happened to quicksand? No one's landing in that anymore. What else, Drew? What was the sitcom stuff?

1:10:59 Drew Yeah, I'm thinking.

1:10:59 Adam There was a lot of, you know what there's a lot of humor of? People who wore thick glasses and somehow those glasses got broken or crushed and now they bump into the hat rack.

1:11:09 Drew It's Mr. Magoo.

1:11:10 Adam Yeah, pardon me, miss. Excuse me. Yes, talking.

1:11:14 Drew It's almost like every episode, the Brady Bunch was sort of the culmination of the bad 70s humor.

1:11:19 Adam Right.

1:11:19 Drew Each episode had something representing the cliche humor of the preceding decade.

1:11:24 Adam They don't even have big schemes on sitcoms anymore. Like, somebody is buying the house. We don't want them to buy the house. We have to pretend the house is haunted. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Or, here's the other good sitcom one. There's this chick, like here's a good sitcom idea. There's this chick and she's really homely and she wants to go out with me. So instead of not going out with her, I have to go out with her, but convince her that I'm a really horrible guy. Like I'll bring a flask and keep drinking water out of it and I'll keep talking, I'll keep scratching myself. Remember that? When it wasn't enough that you told someone you don't want to go out with them, you had to make them not want to go out with you. But it backfired because they were alcoholics too, and they pulled their flask out and said, thank God. We'll be right back. All right.

1:12:09 Caller We'll take a break.

1:12:13 Loveline will be right back.

1:12:49 Adam I'm Adam Parola, and that is Dr. Drew Phone, number 1-800-L-O-V- Dan and David are both here from Disturbed. The Sickness is the name of the CD. We will hear another cut off of that in just one moment. Drew and I were talking in the bathroom about what other humor was missing from today's sitcoms because we've grown bored of the show and the aspect of it where we help people. And we now decided we have to muse ourselves.

1:13:14 Drew With trivia.

1:13:15 Adam With trivia that makes no sense to our listeners. Drew pointed out kitchen swinging door humor. Remember that door that's in between the dining room and the kitchen that swings both ways, getting whacked with that, the waiter coming through with the handful of trays and someone walking in at the same time? Don't see that so much anymore. The, you know that, what I call the not now humor, which is I'm talking to someone and Drew's going, you know like I'm on fire and Drew's tapping on my shoulder. Adam, not now, not now. Now listen to me. Adam, I think you should know that you're on, Drew, how many, promise me you'll be quiet. Okay. Meanwhile my hair's on fire. That was a good one too where they would like try to tap you and alert you to something that was pretty obvious and pretty substantial but you'd yell at him, not now. That and what was the other one we were talking about in the bathroom? Oh, where I was, oh like.

1:14:19 Drew I'm talking to you.

1:14:20 Adam Yeah, right, right. We do, okay, here's the other one. You go to some kind of like a costume party and Drew's dressed like a ghost and I'm talking to someone else who's dressed like a ghost and I think it's Drew and I'm saying it turns out to be a real ghost and I'm going, and Drew's tapping me on the shoulder and I turn around and I go, hold on a second, Drew. I'm talking to Drew and I turn back around and I go, wait a minute, and then I turn, like where it doesn't register where I'm actually looking at Drew. Does that ever happen to anybody? Of course not. No, I think that's another thing that's sort of fallen by the wayside. Mike? Hey Adam. You're 30.

1:14:58 Caller Yes sir.

1:14:59 Adam What's up?

1:14:59 Caller I love you guys.

1:15:00 Caller You guys got a great show.

1:15:01 Adam Thank you.

1:15:02 Caller What about convertible top humor?

1:15:04 Drew Yeah, the broken convertible top that's always going up and down and smacking people.

1:15:07 Adam Not so much of that. Yeah, getting smacked, having on the Brady Bunch. I think Bobby poked a hole in it at the drive-in theater or something like that.

1:15:16 Drew That's a good one.

1:15:16 Adam It just-

1:15:17 Caller Or get stuck halfway up.

1:15:18 Drew Yeah, they drive with it halfway up.

1:15:20 Adam General car humor. Just not as plentiful as it used to be. I'm with you. Yeah. Is that it? That was it. Thank you, Mike. Appreciate that. Our listeners are always sort of- They're sort of half on with their stuff. They never-

1:15:35 Drew They're happy to chime in. It's nice.

1:15:36 Caller Yeah.

1:15:37 Adam Certainly. Before much thought is given to whatever they chime in about. David?

1:15:43 Caller Yeah.

1:15:43 Adam You're 18.

1:15:44 Caller What's up? Yeah. Okay. It's like lately over the past month and a half or so, I just get this sensation and it's like I can't inhale all the way and I can't exhale all the way. Because I get this like sharp pain like- It feels like it's right below my heart and my chest area. It's like I've always had them.

1:16:01 Drew It's probably something called costochondritis, which is basically a spasm of the muscles between the ribs.

1:16:05 Adam Is that that thing that feels like you're having a heart attack?

1:16:08 Drew Well, sometimes. Mostly it feels like there's a sort of a knife being driven in when you don't take a deep breath.

1:16:12 Adam It's not what a heart attack feels like.

1:16:13 Drew A heart attack feels like there's an elephant sitting in your chest all the time.

1:16:15 Adam Oh, it does?

1:16:16 Caller Yeah. But it's like I'm getting it like seven, eight, nine, ten times a day now.

1:16:20 Adam Yeah.

1:16:20 Drew Well, it usually is a neck or back problem that triggers that.

1:16:24 Caller So it's nothing serious at all.

1:16:25 Drew Well, it ought to be. Listen, I'm not making a diagnosis over the telephone here. You need to be evaluated. But that's probably what it is.

1:16:31 Caller OK. So I don't have to worry.

1:16:33 Adam Well, you should talk to somebody in person.

1:16:37 Caller All right.

1:16:37 Drew Cool.

1:16:38 Adam Yeah. That's the one that feels like someone opened a stiletto and put it sideways in between your ribs.

1:16:43 Drew Yes.

1:16:44 Adam And you're poking at something.

1:16:45 Drew Yeah.

1:16:46 Caller Well, there's nothing to worry about that.

1:16:47 Adam No. You guys know what I'm talking about. It's that weird sort of I always figure that's what a heart attack felt like.

1:16:53 Drew No, no. Heart attack doesn't change so much. It doesn't change with movement, doesn't change with inspiration very much.

1:16:58 Adam Just the weight. What about those commercials they tell you to take a bare aspirin when you're having a heart attack?

1:17:03 Drew Yeah.

1:17:04 Adam Hold on a second. But I take a handful of bare aspirins when I'm hung over, it doesn't do anything.

1:17:08 Drew Yeah, but it thins your blood.

1:17:10 Adam That fast? Really?

1:17:12 Drew Well, unstable angina, which is thought to be a clot that's forming and breaking apart in the artery, and it may prevent the clot from becoming fixed and going to a heart attack.

1:17:21 Adam What if you do what I do, is I walk around the cyanide pill in my cheek, and if anything bad happens, I'm just biting down.

1:17:27 Drew Yeah, why not?

1:17:27 Adam My car goes off some overpass, I'm heading for the river.

1:17:30 Caller Pow.

1:17:30 Adam I'm pow, just chomping on it like a Nazi war criminal. That's really the way to go if you think about it. You're in a plane, you look over, you notice the wing just broke off, it's like pow, just chomp down on it. That just kill you like that, right?

1:17:45 Caller Yeah.

1:17:45 Drew Why not?

1:17:47 Adam I'd be scared that'd be celebrating like a touchdown and swallow it though. That would be my problem. All right. Let's hear some from Disturb, shall we? Yes, Anderson. This one is called Voices. That is another good one from Disturbed. I just got a fax in. This is from Derek. He wants to know whatever happened in the Bermuda Triangle. It's something I had touched on a few times on this show. Derek goes on his fax to say that it seems like every other day someone is getting lost in the Bermuda Triangle. He used to think, or he says, I used to think that's the way I would die. And I thought for me it was going to be Quicksand or the Bermuda Triangle. I mean, I did the math. I was a pretty realistic eight-year-old. I got a 50% chance of going to the Bermuda Triangle and I got a 50% chance of going to Quicksand. So, it will be one or the other, I'm sure. I may even land in some Quicksand that's actually in the Bermuda Triangle. I don't know if that's possible. I don't know what happened to the Bermuda Triangle, but it seems to have calmed down. Whatever. What was the Devil's Triangle? Apparently the Devil's, I think he's moved on to the Middle East or something. I think he packed his stuff. But if you think about it, if you're the Devil, wouldn't you want to hang out in Bermuda? I mean, if you've got to hang, better that than, I don't know, like the Atlantic, you know, just somewhere off the, you know, some cold weather climate.

1:22:21 Caller Well, back to the point.

1:22:22 Adam Yeah, in Bermuda. I think he...

1:22:24 Off Norway somewhere. Yeah.

1:22:26 Adam All those storms blowing in. What is that? Kaitlyn?

1:22:31 Hi.

1:22:31 Adam You're 15. What's up?

1:22:33 Caller I've been cutting for about a year, and my friend wanted me to get some help, and I was wondering if there was any way I could do that without telling my parents.

1:22:42 Drew Does anybody know you've been cutting?

1:22:44 Caller Yeah. I told one of my friends.

1:22:46 Drew And why don't you want your parents to know?

1:22:48 Adam She's cutting. That means she's cutting under her skin.

1:22:50 Caller Yeah.

1:22:51 Adam What are you doing? What kind of cutting?

1:22:53 Caller Just on my wrist.

1:22:55 Drew And why don't you want your parents to know?

1:22:57 Caller I don't trust them.

1:22:59 Adam Don't they see that you are?

1:23:01 Caller No.

1:23:02 Adam No? Isn't there a... Isn't there some part of you that kind of wants them to see it, though, on some level?

1:23:12 Caller No.

1:23:12 Adam Really?

1:23:13 Caller They'd flip out.

1:23:14 Adam Yeah, but don't you kind of want them to flip out?

1:23:17 Caller No.

1:23:18 Drew Why don't you trust them?

1:23:19 Caller I don't know. I just don't.

1:23:21 Adam What do they do?

1:23:24 Caller Like, for...

1:23:25 Drew For living?

1:23:26 Caller My dad's a construction worker. My mom just stays at home.

1:23:30 Adam I see. And why are you cutting on yourself? Did someone beat on you or do something bad to you?

1:23:35 Caller I don't know. I can't remember anything.

1:23:37 Drew Do you think something bad happened?

1:23:40 Caller I think so.

1:23:42 Adam Well, usually when you can't remember stuff, it means that you can't remember something bad. I mean, you really can't remember your childhood?

1:23:49 Caller Uh-uh. I can remember up to three years ago.

1:23:53 Caller Twelve. Oh, boy.

1:23:54 Caller Really?

1:23:55 Caller Yeah.

1:23:56 Adam You don't remember... Where was your tenth birthday?

1:23:58 Caller I don't know.

1:23:59 Drew You don't remember your teachers from first, second, third grade? Fifth grade?

1:24:03 Caller No.

1:24:04 Drew Oh, boy.

1:24:05 Adam Now hold on a second. How dare you? You can't remember one kid who was in your class when you were 11 years old?

1:24:11 Caller I remember kids, but, like, no... Nothing about my family.

1:24:18 Caller Ever.

1:24:22 Caller All right. All right.

1:24:22 Adam Well, listen, there's gotta be a reason she's cutting on herself. Do you have any brothers or sisters?

1:24:27 Caller Yeah. Two sisters.

1:24:28 Adam How are they doing?

1:24:30 Caller I think they're okay.

1:24:32 Adam What are they? Do they remember things?

1:24:34 Caller Yeah.

1:24:35 Adam You know their names?

1:24:36 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:24:37 Drew All right.

1:24:37 Adam Just asking you.

1:24:38 Caller What are you thinking about when you do it?

1:24:42 Caller Um, usually I'm upset.

1:24:44 Drew Yeah, they don't usually think about anything. They usually just sort of go into it.

1:24:47 Caller It just happens?

1:24:48 Drew They fugue out a little bit, some of them, and mostly it's a way of just trying to manage feelings. They can't manage overwhelming feelings. It's a way of sort of releasing some of that. But, Caitlin, you gotta get help with this. You got a lot of heavy stuff sitting around somewhere there. We don't know what it is. You don't know what it is. But it's clearly fueling some behaviors that suggest that there's a tremendous amount of feeling that you have trouble managing. And don't worry so much about whether or not your parents are going to freak out. Worry about getting yourself proper help. Certainly if you go to a doctor, they are obliged to keep it confidential if you insist upon that. But I think it would be important to bring your family in at least at some point. So get to a doctor and get some help, okay?

1:25:24 Caller Okay.

1:25:25 Adam All right.

1:25:26 Caller Thanks.

1:25:27 Adam Good luck. Yeah. Oh, that's horrible. That whole cutting on your shelf thing. It's just it's it's there's something very disturbing about that whole just hearing about it, especially young girls.

1:25:39 Caller I know people that do it for artistic purposes. Like they like drawing, you know, cutting emblems on their skin and whatnot.

1:25:45 Adam But in getting that like keloid scar, some sort of manic behavior.

1:25:49 Drew No, it's a it's a when the brain does not have adequate coping, there's only a certain amount of behavior at its disposal in order to manage very dangerous and overwhelming feelings.

1:25:59 Caller So they self-mutilate.

1:25:59 Drew They just cut. It gives them a release. It just helps them manage the feelings.

1:26:04 Adam I do some cutting in here once in a while, but it's always always from the ass. Drew, you'll attest to that one.

1:26:10 Drew Here here.

1:26:11 Adam Drew got a 20-foot mic extension into the whole show by sitting on a trash can out in the hall. My gas was so bad one night.

1:26:17 Drew Oh my God.

1:26:19 Adam Just think of it. Just close your eyes and go back to that.

1:26:21 Caller No.

1:26:23 Adam Truly you're having like post-traumatic stress disorder, aren't you?

1:26:27 Drew I'm having flashbacks.

1:26:28 Adam Yeah. I mean, that was really bad, wasn't it? And what did that go on for?

1:26:31 Drew Two hours.

1:26:31 Adam Yeah. And if the show was three hours, no one would have gone on for four hours. That's how my ass is.

1:26:37 Whoa!

1:26:37 Adam All right, well we got to...

1:26:38 Caller Oh my God!

1:26:39 Caller Somebody hold the phones!

1:26:41 I can't believe that!

1:26:43 Adam That violent Jay really has a...

1:26:45 Drew An energy.

1:26:46 Yeah.

1:26:46 Adam And the same clown posse there. Charles?

1:26:49 Caller Yes?

1:26:49 Adam Yeah, we're gonna go to break, but what is your problem very quickly?

1:26:52 Caller Oh, very quickly. I just am attracted to women all the time and I just don't know whether I'm a pervert or not.

1:26:58 Caller That's a big problem.

1:26:59 Adam Yeah, that's fine.

1:27:01 Caller We have the same problem.

1:27:02 Adam What do you do? Do you do anything to them?

1:27:04 Caller No, I just like to look and ogle and say I'd like to, you know, do them.

1:27:09 Adam Good.

1:27:09 Drew You say that to them?

1:27:10 Caller No, I say that to myself.

1:27:13 Adam That's fine.

1:27:14 Okay.

1:27:16 Adam Let's look at the opposite of that.

1:27:18 Caller Okay.

1:27:19 Adam You don't like chicks at all.

1:27:20 Caller Oh, I don't.

1:27:21 Adam You see what I'm saying?

1:27:22 Caller Maybe I don't.

1:27:23 Adam That's worse. You understand? Do you have a girlfriend?

1:27:26 Caller Starting one.

1:27:27 Drew Do you have trouble staying faithful?

1:27:29 Caller No.

1:27:30 Adam No. That's just because chicks don't like you, right?

1:27:32 Caller Probably.

1:27:33 Adam There you go. See, it's easy for some guys to remain faithful because chicks don't like them. Most guys. It's easy to cheat when it's like rape or nothing. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying, Drew. Well, you've been there. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. I disturbed us here and we'll be back after this.

1:27:51 Caller Love Line. Love Line. 1-800-LOVE-191. We'll be right back.

1:28:29 Hi, this is Bobcat Coldplay, and you're listening to Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:28:34 Caller All right, going out.

1:28:36 Adam Dave, it's Loveline, Loveline, Loveline. I wasn't ready for that one. You never play that at this point, Anderson.

1:28:42 Drew Don't play it again, let's go. We only have a couple minutes left.

1:28:45 Adam All right. Disturbed to see her right now. All right, here we go. Ready to fire through some calls?

1:28:49 Drew Let's go.

1:28:50 Adam Let's go, Heather.

1:28:51 Caller Yes.

1:28:51 Adam You're 22.

1:28:52 Caller I am.

1:28:53 Adam What's up?

1:28:54 Caller Well, I was just wondering, I know you guys kind of talked to us tonight, but sometimes in my dream, I dream I have sex, but a lot of times I'll have orgasms in my sleep.

1:29:03 Adam Right.

1:29:04 Caller And I'm just wondering if this is normal, or just like an extra bonus thing.

1:29:08 Caller It's both.

1:29:09 Caller Both?

1:29:10 Adam Yeah.

1:29:11 Caller Okay.

1:29:11 Adam Look at it as God finger-banging you.

1:29:15 Caller Who's finger-banging me?

1:29:16 Adam Yeah.

1:29:16 Drew What do you dream about?

1:29:17 Caller What do I dream about? Having sex with guys. It depends.

1:29:22 Adam Fine. You have a boyfriend?

1:29:24 Caller No, I don't right now. I did.

1:29:25 Adam Okay, that's good.

1:29:26 Caller Yeah.

1:29:27 Adam Fantastic.

1:29:28 Caller Okay.

1:29:28 Adam All right, get to bed.

1:29:29 Caller All right.

1:29:31 Adam No problems there. Tracy?

1:29:33 Caller Yeah.

1:29:33 Adam Hey, you're 28.

1:29:34 Caller Hey, I'm just calling to say hi to Danny and Dave. Danny, Donna again.

1:29:38 Caller Tracy, you're living out in LA.

1:29:40 Caller Hey, what's up? Hey, what's up?

1:29:41 Caller I just want to congratulate you guys on your success and hopefully you guys will continue from now.

1:29:50 Caller You guys aren't going to die down soon.

1:29:53 Adam Are you calling from Chicago?

1:29:54 Caller I'm originally from, no, I live in LA.

1:29:56 Adam Oh, I see.

1:29:57 Caller I moved. I was originally from Chicago. I've seen Danny and Fuzz and Mike and everyone start from the small bars of Chicago and work their way up and they've really deserved the success that they're currently getting. They've worked really hard for where they're at today and if anybody deserves the success, it's these guys right here.

1:30:17 Adam Did you ever have sex with anyone in the band?

1:30:20 Caller I plead the Fifth Amendment.

1:30:21 Adam Oh, all right. That means all of them. That means you did five of them.

1:30:25 Caller No.

1:30:26 Adam All right, Tracy. Do you know what this is?

1:30:30 Caller Yeah, yeah. I do.

1:30:31 Adam You guys.

1:30:31 Caller Tracy Coleman, right?

1:30:32 Drew Yep. All right.

1:30:34 Adam She had sex with Dan?

1:30:35 Drew More than one.

1:30:37 Caller No. All right, baby.

1:30:38 Caller All right.

1:30:39 Caller We'll see you guys tomorrow. Good luck, you guys, in tomorrow.

1:30:41 Caller Thanks.

1:30:41 Adam Yes. We'll be at the Amphitheater tomorrow night with STP. Danielle?

1:30:47 Caller Yeah.

1:30:47 Adam You're 18.

1:30:47 Caller What's up?

1:30:49 Caller I have been sexually active with my boyfriend now for seven months. And the whole time that we've been having sex, he has not once orgasmed.

1:30:59 Adam Yeah. Maybe he's saving up for one big one. He's going to drown you out.

1:31:04 Caller I've done that before.

1:31:06 Adam I went a year and a half and all of a sudden just gallons of semen. Like I was spraying foam out on a tarmac when a jet was coming in with busted landing gear. It never stopped. There's just 10 months worth of semen.

1:31:23 Drew Must you give us the hand motion with this?

1:31:26 Adam It was great. I mean, oh man, everywhere. It was like out of a movie. Her kid brother opened the door, came pouring out, washed him down the stairs, caught the dog. Yeah. Oh, it was horrible. Horrible.

1:31:41 Drew Oh, cars and car washes. Another good one from the 70s.

1:31:43 Adam Hey, Lance. I mean, Lance, yeah. Yo, what's up?

1:31:46 Caller Well, you can finish with that, you know.

1:31:47 Adam I don't know. Okay, well, hold on a second. Danielle?

1:31:50 Caller Yeah?

1:31:50 Caller Yeah.

1:31:53 Adam Yeah, I don't know what's up with him.

1:31:55 Drew Is he using condoms?

1:31:56 Caller Yeah.

1:31:57 Drew So maybe it's the condom.

1:31:58 Adam How about you give him a BJ? Would that work?

1:32:00 Caller I've tried.

1:32:01 Adam Doesn't work on him.

1:32:02 Caller I've tried oral. I've tried, I mean, like, he'll, like, you know, jerk off and then, you know, penetrate. And it doesn't work that way. And, I mean, we've tried pornos. We've tried everything.

1:32:16 Adam This masturbation, how about that? Can you lose 20 pounds or?

1:32:20 Caller He doesn't get off when he's, like, masturbating in front of me.

1:32:23 Drew Is he on medication?

1:32:23 Adam It's always so sad when a guy...

1:32:26 Drew Is he on medication?

1:32:26 Caller All my friends think he's gay. Could that be it?

1:32:29 Drew Is he on medication?

1:32:31 Caller No.

1:32:31 Drew You sure?

1:32:32 Caller I'm positive.

1:32:33 Adam All right. He can masturbate while you're in the room.

1:32:37 Caller Uh-huh.

1:32:38 Adam And what if you just dive on his penis right as he's... I think, you know, like, pretend like you're part of it.

1:32:43 Caller Surprise factor. It doesn't work.

1:32:46 Drew Surprise factor?

1:32:47 Adam Yeah. What does he say? By the way, when a guy's whacking off, he's not looking forward to the surprise factor. I've always... No, I'm not. I've locked the door to eliminate the surprise factor when I jack off. I even check under the bed to eliminate the surprise factor. All right. So does he give you any reason why he can't do this?

1:33:07 Caller I don't know. I mean, he doesn't know, you know, and he lost his virginity to me.

1:33:11 Adam Oh, I see. All right.

1:33:12 Caller Maybe she should bring one of her girlfriends in with, too, if she doesn't have one.

1:33:16 Adam Yeah. Yeah. He needs four hands on that. That semi-flaccid junk of his. No. Yeah, fine. No, it's true.

1:33:24 Caller If I die, I'm desperate.

1:33:25 Adam Yeah, do it. And involve a foot, too. Get a foot in there. Just, I don't know, just stay with him and work it out. Yeah, it'll work out. Go slow and talk to him. And he's green and he's freaked out and all that. And we'll be back. All right. People wonder why I'm angry. Disturbed. Thank you very much for coming in. You're welcome. We do appreciate it, everyone. The Sickness is the name of the CD. Don't bother going to the amphitheater tomorrow night unless, of course, you have tickets for them and STP and Godsmack and all that. Now, guys, next time you're in town or maybe when we're in Chicago, next we'll come and see you. So until next time, I'm Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:38 Caller And like the minute I saw he didn't have balls, I was like, get off me.

1:34:43 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, November 8, 2000