Episode 1000754887296

1:01 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:13 Adam Hey, Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-854-4455, Dr. Drew, board certified physician, digs management management.

1:28 Drew Nice.

1:29 Adam I may have some gas tonight, by the way, Drew. Thank you.

1:32 Drew Thank you for warning me.

1:33 Adam It'll be something you can look forward to and, you know, the kids at home as well. How are you doing, Drew?

1:38 Drew I'm good. How are you?

1:39 Adam Good, Ted.

1:40 Drew You got a little wind behind, a little momentum behind you, yes?

1:43 Adam No, I'm tired.

1:44 Drew Okay.

1:45 Adam I'm just faking it.

1:45 Drew Okay.

1:46 Adam Trying to kickstart myself.

1:48 Drew Hoping I have something to bring you along.

1:50 Adam Trying to feign some enthusiasm. Yeah, I'm hoping to sort of ride along in your atmosphere tonight, Drew.

1:57 Drew Let's talk about cars again. We got cut off in the middle of some very important discussion last night.

2:01 Adam We'll talk during the commercials about cars.

2:04 Rich?

2:05 Yeah.

2:05 Adam You're 19?

2:07 Caller Hey, what's going on, Adam?

2:08 I love the man show.

2:09 Adam Why? Thank you.

2:11 Hey, I just want to say.

2:15 Caller That's nice.

2:18 Adam Hey, Drew.

2:19 Yeah.

2:20 Adam Let's not start with dudes.

2:22 Drew Good idea.

2:23 Adam I mean, have we have we? It seems like the.

2:27 Drew Too many dudes up there.

2:27 Adam Nine out of the last 11 nights, we started with a dude, and it's been kind of a bust, hasn't it?

2:32 Drew Yeah.

2:32 Adam And by the way, everybody calling and I think I said this last night, but it deserves saying again, who wants to call the show and yell out a website address or their address or phone number or radio show to listen to or basically use the show to advertise something. It doesn't work because there's a 10 second delay and Anderson will just drop it. It never gets out. There you go. Matt.

2:59 Oh, it's a wait a minute.

3:00 Drew I saw that name. That was it. Wait, let's try this one.

3:03 Adam Hold on, Matt. You're being punished for having a penis. Hold on. Rebecca?

3:08 Yeah.

3:09 Adam Is that how you spell it? You're 15. What's up?

3:13 Caller Yeah.

3:14 I want to know what the signs for being pregnant were.

3:17 Drew You missed your period.

3:19 Well, I mean.

3:20 Drew Did you miss your period?

3:21 Well, no.

3:22 Caller It hasn't been that long.

3:23 Drew How long ago did you have sex?

3:25 About a week or two ago.

3:27 Drew There wouldn't be any symptoms that quick.

3:30 Adam You wouldn't get any morning sickness or anything like that.

3:33 Drew Some people claim they do get stuff very quickly, but it really has not been documented that people get stuff that quickly. You might get a little nausea. You might get a little fatigue.

3:41 Adam Listen, if you're a 42-year-old chick who's had 14 kids and is 300 pounds and can tell when you're pregnant because you've had 14, you basically had a litter, then I'll buy it. But at 15, I don't think you're going to know unless you miss your period.

3:58 Drew Missed the period. And then you can always get there. So many, so easy to access pregnancy tests these days. Just go get a pregnancy test if it's been two weeks.

4:05 My boyfriend told me that morning sickness in like a week is normal.

4:09 Drew It's a little quick. What's up with unprotected sex?

4:15 I don't know. I've just, I've always done it.

4:17 Adam I see. You're 15. How long have you been doing it? 8, 10 years?

4:22 Caller No, since I've been 12. And they've always been older guys, so.

4:28 Adam What's up baby?

4:30 Caller What do you mean?

4:31 Adam Well, you're getting it on at 12 with guys who are how old?

4:36 Caller Like the oldest.

4:37 Adam Okay.

4:38 Caller 25 is the oldest. Nice.

4:40 Adam At age 12?

4:42 Caller Well, no, I was 13 then.

4:44 Adam Yeah, if you were 13, that's fine then. You guys are both mature adults, capable of making your own decision. Oh, I'd like to just take a rusty sprinkler key and basically pin that guy down to a plank.

4:56 Caller Well, I'm pressing him.

4:57 Adam By his scrotum.

4:58 Caller Oh, good.

4:59 Adam You're pressing charges?

5:00 Caller Yeah. I was in the hospital for an overdose and okay. It came out. So I'm doing a polygraph test tomorrow.

5:07 Adam Good times. Hey, baby. Let's not get pregnant, please.

5:14 Drew Just get on birth control. Why is that?

5:15 Adam Get on birth control. I mean, why ruin your life, your child's life and part of society's life? Why put us all through this? Do you really need to ruin it? Do you know what I'm saying?

5:28 Caller I'm not trying to.

5:29 Adam Yes, you are, though. You're having sex and you're not using any protection.

5:34 Drew So if not pregnant this time, next time?

5:36 Adam Yeah. If not this week, next week. Maybe you'll get lucky and you won't get pregnant until June.

5:42 Caller Yeah.

5:44 Adam You'll be 15 and three quarters by then. Do you know what I mean? Please.

5:50 Drew How do you figure it's not going to happen? Pregnancy.

5:54 Caller I don't know. I've never gotten pregnant.

5:56 Drew Yeah. But that's like saying you're 15. Let's say you don't.

6:00 Adam You don't. You don't have a high school diploma either. Does that mean you'll never get one?

6:05 Drew You're never going to turn 16 because you've never been 16 before.

6:08 Adam You've never been in a car accident. You've never twisted your ankle. And it's a lot of stuff you may not have never you may not have ever done. It 15 doesn't mean it's not going to happen.

6:18 Drew In fact, this is you may not train your ankle, but you are going to get pregnant.

6:23 Adam Absolutely. And that's because your belly's going to swell more in your ankle. Rebecca, please don't screw things up for for the long term.

6:33 Caller Well, how can I get birth control?

6:35 Drew Planned Parenthood.

6:36 Caller Do they get it for free?

6:38 Drew They can.

6:38 Adam Yeah, just call. Just call. Open the phone book and call them tomorrow, please. Would you?

6:43 Drew It's a national number.

6:45 Adam She doesn't have a pen.

6:46 Drew There are others listening. 1-800-230-PLAN. Okay.

6:53 Adam All right. She's going to have 17 kids by the time she's 19. Well, actually, the over under is 15 and a half kids. What do you go for, Drew? You're going under?

7:06 Drew Yeah.

7:07 Caller All right.

7:09 Adam Leanne?

7:09 Caller Yeah.

7:10 Adam You're 18?

7:11 Caller Yes, sir.

7:12 Adam What's up? Yes, sir. Wow. That's what I like.

7:15 Drew You're calling from Tennessee?

7:16 Uh-huh.

7:17 Adam I like that. I like when people do that, yes, sir, no, sir, from the south.

7:22 Southern.

7:22 Adam That's good. Good times, Ellie Mae. What's up?

7:25 Caller Ellie Mae.

7:26 Adam Wow. Whoa.

7:27 Drew You sound like Ellie Mae.

7:29 Caller Hey.

7:30 Drew Say that again.

7:31 Adam Leanne, I'm going to give you a sentence to repeat.

7:33 Caller All right?

7:36 Adam Well, what was the guy who owned the bank in the Beverly Hill Valley? Mr. Drysdale. Say, Mrs. Drysdale standing by the cement pond.

7:47 Caller Mrs. Drysdale standing by the cement pond.

7:50 Caller Yeah.

7:51 Adam That's good.

7:52 Drew Go get Jethro.

7:53 Adam Go get Jethro.

7:54 Caller You want me to say that?

7:55 Adam Yeah.

7:56 Caller Go get Jethro.

8:00 Adam Say one more thing. Granny's making possum stew.

8:05 Caller Granny's making possum stew.

8:07 Caller Yeah.

8:13 Adam That's good times, baby.

8:15 Drew What's going on, man?

8:18 Caller Anyway, okay. I've been going out with this guy for, well, since I was 14. I mean, I'm not pregnant or anything. You don't have to like come up with any jokes about it. But...

8:31 Drew How old is he? How old is he?

8:33 Caller He's 20. We're getting married in July. And I mean, I'm not going to lie to you. I've smoked a lot of weed. Like, like it used to be a lot, like everyday thing. And now we're both in college. I mean, it's like a lot of things, but mostly just weed. And I just wanted to know, like, if I wanted to have kids later, I mean, I don't get high as much as I used to. But I do every once in a while, like maybe once a week.

9:04 Drew Well, if you...

9:05 Caller And I wanted to know if it would, like, bother... Like, I mean, we're not having kids anytime soon.

9:10 Drew So hang on, a couple of questions. So your mom or your dad was an alcoholic?

9:14 Caller Uh-huh.

9:14 Drew Yeah.

9:15 Caller Both.

9:16 Drew And this is about alcoholism here. You've just, you've just chosen the drug of marijuana to express this disease with. And I'm sure you're drinking or doing something else on the drug days when you're not doing pot right now, right? Yeah. And the reason you're not doing so much pot is it doesn't work so well anymore. And that's what happens with pot after many years of heavy use is it starts making you depressed and irritable and you start getting forgetful and have trouble initiating tasks. And then you switch over to something else. Alcohol, speed. And that makes all that better.

9:45 Adam Now, do you drink, do you drink out of a cider jug or is it a regular, regular tumbler?

9:50 Caller Oh, long neck.

9:52 Drew All right, Leigh Ann. So Leigh Ann, here's the deal is that, yes, the use of pot doesn't affect pregnancy unless you're already pregnant. And the same thing is true of all...

10:01 Caller I mean, like in the long term, it won't like bother my body anyway.

10:04 Drew Well, yes, it will bother your body a great deal, but it will not bother a pregnancy. And the problem is you have addiction and that's going to progress. And you're going to have a 50% probability of passing that predisposition onto your children. You're having the disease is going to affect your kids' emotional health. And I suggest if you're going to have a pregnancy, that you really look into getting treatment for addiction before you go ahead with this, because you're going to have a difficult time stopping even during a pregnancy.

10:30 Adam What month are you getting married? July.

10:32 Drew July.

10:33 Adam Yeah, thank you. Yeah, they say it like it's like July is pronounced like they're describing a rabbi who can't tell the truth.

10:41 Caller Ju-ly. Ju-ly.

10:49 Woo-wee.

10:50 Adam All right, ready to go to Matt here? Matt?

10:53 Caller Hey, what's up, Drew? What's up, Adam?

10:54 Adam You're 22. What's going on?

10:56 Drew I think Matt's our first male, so don't let us down, Matt.

10:58 Caller Yeah, I heard, you know, having a penis kind of killed my whole thing about the first call. But my ex now came up, went to the gynecologist, and they found genital warts on her. And I've been monogamous with her for the last four years.

11:17 Drew But both of you had been sexually active prior.

11:20 Caller Yes.

11:20 Drew So one of you brought this in, brought it to the table here.

11:24 Caller Right now, I went to the doctor, I got checked out, and he said there's nothing to show for it right now.

11:30 Drew I would still assume that you could be contagious with this.

11:33 Caller Okay.

11:33 Adam And how did he check you?

11:36 Caller With gloves.

11:37 Drew He didn't do the acetic acid dip?

11:40 Caller No.

11:41 Drew Did Adam?

11:42 Adam And the black light?

11:44 Caller No.

11:44 Adam No.

11:45 Drew Adam suffered through?

11:46 Caller Oh, Jesus Christ.

11:48 Adam I just dumped acid all over my penis.

11:51 Drew Yeah.

11:51 Adam That's me.

11:52 Drew Yeah, that's what happened.

11:53 Caller Way to go, Adam.

11:54 Adam Yeah.

11:54 Caller But I was wondering if, I mean, can it stay dormant for four years?

12:00 Drew Yeah, absolutely.

12:02 Caller And what?

12:04 Drew You mean you're worried that she went out and that she did?

12:06 Yeah.

12:08 Caller She goes to college.

12:09 Drew Yeah. I don't think you can build that case. Right.

12:11 Caller And I haven't been able to at all.

12:13 Drew Yeah.

12:13 Caller So. And another question is, what's the best way to, like if I get in a relationship down the road?

12:21 Adam The new one?

12:21 Drew Wear a condom.

12:23 Adam Well, wait a minute, though. He went to a doctor. The guy checked it out.

12:28 Drew He's talking to another doctor, me, who's telling him that he might well be contagious.

12:31 Adam Yeah. But you're a loved doctor. You may really know what you're doing.

12:35 Caller Well, that's what I'm.

12:36 Adam How about getting the acetic acid test?

12:40 Caller Go back to the doctor and ask for it or what?

12:42 Drew It's still not 100 percent.

12:45 Caller But it's not.

12:48 Adam Hold on a second. I now know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you have genital warts because you will not rest until the entire planet goes down your genital warded path with you.

13:00 Drew He's having sex with a woman with genital warts.

13:01 Adam He's got a guy went to a doctor had his pecker checked out. He said no. I said, how about this other test? You say he's still going to have it.

13:09 Drew Yeah. But here's the story we're describing as a guy who's having sex with a woman with genital warts. That means he has them. It's that contagious.

13:16 Adam But let me float this. Some people won't get it.

13:20 Drew Some people won't.

13:21 Adam And if he's had sex with somebody who's had it for theoretically four years and has not had any outbreaks and the doctor's not, you know, has cleared him, then he may not have it in his system to get from her that strain.

13:36 Drew I personally wouldn't clear someone just because of the story.

13:39 Adam I know, but you saying just put a condom on and don't worry about it for the rest of your life kind of thing is not realistic. I mean, you have to play the odds. It's easy for you. You're covered and you ain't wearing the condom. I mean, you're not boffing his girlfriend. But that's not realistic advice. You have to whittle it down to a reasonable doubt. Or you know what I'm saying?

14:04 Drew Yeah. But it is playing the odds that's caused me to say, go ahead and wear the condom. You know, it's not have to. And he has done, you know, he would be justified and not. I agree with you on that.

14:13 Adam No breakouts and the doctor gave him the all clear sign. But maybe he should get that acetic acid test.

14:19 Yeah.

14:20 Adam All right. We'll do that and see what happens. And I don't know what he's doing. He's shopping around. He's looking, you know, he's like, hey, work queen. I'm moving on. All right. Let's talk to Michael.

14:33 Hello.

14:34 Adam Hello.

14:35 Hey, guys. What's up?

14:36 Adam Hey, you're 16. What's going on?

14:37 Caller I am Adam. Let me just say I think the man shows God's gift to humanity.

14:41 Adam Thank you.

14:42 Caller Um, there's kind of been this rumor passed down from senior year to senior year that the certain science teacher at my school is a porn star.

14:53 Adam Yeah.

14:54 Caller And I thought if anyone could, like, you know, identify him, it would be you, because you've probably seen more porn than anyone.

15:02 Adam How old a guy is he?

15:04 Caller Um, I would say now he's in his 40s or something. And he kind of I think he has like Tourette syndrome.

15:12 Drew Why?

15:13 Caller He has like this this twitch in his shoulder, maybe from like one too many orgasms or something. Sure, it could happen.

15:21 Drew But most porn stars go on and on and on. I mean, what's their convention?

15:27 Adam The male one. Yeah.

15:29 Caller Well, you know, it's possible he just did this to get through college or something.

15:34 Adam Yeah. What? Describe the guy for me.

15:36 Caller Well, can I like say his name on?

15:39 Adam No, because if he's a what do you think he's going by? Dick Nibbler?

15:43 Caller Well, no, supposedly his porn name is Larry Longrod.

15:47 Adam No, no, no, I don't. Larry Longrod. Listen, that's no porn star name. No prolific guy. He didn't do too many movies.

16:00 Caller Yeah, Larry Longrod.

16:05 Adam What's my porn name? Oh, the Great Spudini.

16:12 Drew Oh, yes, Spudini, of course.

16:14 Adam Yeah. Cape. You know what I mean? A sort of Zorro. Sort of like outfit I see for the Great Spudini.

16:20 Drew Of course.

16:24 Mark.

16:26 Caller Yeah, I my problem is actually a lie.

16:29 Caller I just made it up because I've been calling for the past couple of nights.

16:31 Adam All right. Well, I'm sorry because we have to hang up on you because too much. We're getting too many of those. Too many. No, too many. Yeah, too many. I made this call up so I could get on the air and talk to you. And then we usually talk to the people, but it does kind of get us more of those calls. So as cruel as it is, Mark's going to have to take one for the team. Tasha, the great are good. You're 15. What's up?

16:57 Caller Yeah. I don't know if I'm pregnant or not, but if I want an abortion, because I'm Catholic and captain of the dance team at my private Catholic high school.

17:06 Adam Slow down.

17:07 Caller Yeah.

17:07 Caller Do you need parental consent, especially if my boyfriend is 21?

17:12 Drew I think the only time that... Oh, boyfriend is 21.

17:15 Caller Yeah.

17:16 Adam What a dynamite, dynamite individual. I'd love to get to know him better.

17:21 Drew I don't know that you need parental consent for the abortion, but I imagine he would be reported for his behavior.

17:29 Adam Well, they don't need to know who dad is.

17:31 Caller Yeah, I don't think so.

17:32 Adam All right.

17:33 Drew And I think the only way your parents get involved is if you ask for payment from their insurance or them.

17:39 Caller Okay.

17:40 Adam What are you doing bopping around with a 21-year-old?

17:43 Caller I don't know.

17:44 Adam We're in love. You really?

17:46 Caller Yeah.

17:47 Adam What's he do? Some form of construction?

17:50 Caller What? No.

17:51 Drew He doesn't work.

17:52 Caller No, he goes to school right now.

17:54 Adam Junior college?

17:56 Caller Yeah.

17:58 Adam Shocking. Unbelievable. It smells like Limburger at junior college. I can smell it on a guy. You name me the activity. I'll tell you where he's at on the educational pecking order and that banging unprotected sex with a 15 year old. That's junior college right there.

18:24 Caller But he's going into the Navy.

18:26 Adam Oh, yeah. Actually, I do stand corrected. It is somewhere between the service and junior college.

18:33 Drew Okay, this is this is down the food chain of ways.

18:36 Adam Junior college is stupid and unmotivated. The service is sort of criminal behavior. And so that's kind of right. That's kind of right in between. It's a nice mixture of both. Yeah. Well, hopefully they ship him off somewhere and he gets he goes to some Bangkok whorehouse and his pecker falls off in a year. That's from a societal standpoint. That's what we can really hope for.

19:00 Drew But, Adam, tell us how you really feel about this guy. Don't hold back.

19:03 Adam Just don't you think it's all right for guys like this to get shot by friendly fire on the shooting range or something? I mean, isn't that going to have sort of help things along? You think he's going to invent something or discover the cure to something, Drew?

19:18 Drew It's not going to be until Tasha's 23 or 22. Is she able to look back on this and feel as you do?

19:22 Caller Yeah. I don't know. We're in love.

19:26 Drew No, no, no.

19:26 Adam Well, what happens when he ships out with the Navy?

19:30 Caller I don't know. It's not going till April 30th.

19:33 Adam I know that seems like a world away for you, but that's a few weeks, really.

19:39 Caller I know.

19:39 Adam In real time.

19:41 Caller I know.

19:41 Adam Well, he's going to go away for the Navy, right?

19:44 Caller I know.

19:45 Caller But I don't know. He said he'll come back to visit me.

19:50 Drew No kidding. A couple of years.

19:52 Caller Yeah. But I don't know. It's just that if I am pregnant, then I can't be and no one can find out because I'm going to like Harvard. I don't know.

20:03 Drew You're into Harvard at 15?

20:05 Caller No, I want to. Planning to.

20:07 Adam Yeah. I had it narrowed down between Brown and Yale at 15. Ended up at Valley Junior College.

20:15 Caller No way.

20:16 Caller No.

20:16 Adam Playing softball with a bunch of retards.

20:19 Caller No.

20:20 Caller I'm like captain of the dance team.

20:21 Adam Yeah. Hold on a second, Daja. Captain of the dance team. You may be getting a little too much mileage out of that captain of the dance team.

20:29 Caller No, I have 4.3.

20:31 Drew Are you doing advanced placement class?

20:32 Adam Hold on.

20:33 Caller How many? I'm taking honors Spanish and AP European history.

20:38 Adam Wait a second. You have a 4.3?

20:40 Caller Yeah, something like that.

20:42 Drew A pluses.

20:43 Caller But I have some like my AP class is really bad right now.

20:47 Adam Does that count for more? How do you get higher than a 4?

20:50 Drew You got to take all AP classes and get really good grades in them. That's how the Ivy League really judges.

20:56 Caller They go by.

20:57 Adam All right. I'm not going to sit down and go over the PSAT with you too. Go get that abortion.

21:03 Caller Get it?

21:04 Adam 4.3?

21:05 Caller Yeah.

21:06 Adam How do you have over 4 for GPA?

21:08 Caller Because 80 pounds, you get an extra point.

21:11 Caller Okay.

21:13 Adam So go down to Planned Parenthood and talk to the nice people over there.

21:17 Caller Okay. How much is an abortion?

21:20 Drew I don't know offhand.

21:21 You don't know what is it?

21:22 Drew Now there's RU-46 and other things to mention.

21:24 Adam See about that.

21:26 Caller Okay.

21:27 Drew There are abortion pills now you can take, which is different than the morning after pill, which is something you shouldn't leave without.

21:33 Caller But then again, I'm like Catholic. Can I go to like a private Catholic high school?

21:38 Adam Hey, do you hate your parents or something?

21:41 Caller No.

21:41 Drew Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

21:42 Adam Why do you seem like you're screwing with them a little bit?

21:45 Drew Got a little bit of an eating disorder?

21:46 Caller No. No.

21:48 Adam Okay.

21:49 Drew Never had any food issues.

21:50 Caller Oh, no.

21:51 Adam Okay. Say hi to the rest of the dance team.

21:55 Caller They're good. Okay. Well, my mom's like a social worker, clinical social worker.

22:00 Adam Well, good. Don't talk to her.

22:02 Caller No, I know.

22:04 Adam You guys on the dance team, do you have those fake wooden guns that are cut out of two-by-fours?

22:08 Caller No, that's color guard. That's not dancing.

22:10 Drew Wait, why don't you talk to your mom about what's going on here? Does she know you're dating a 21-year-old?

22:14 Caller No.

22:15 Drew Why don't you talk to your mom a little bit?

22:17 Caller I can't tell my mom that.

22:18 Drew Why?

22:18 Caller Because my mom and me, we don't get along so well.

22:22 Drew That's what Adam asked you. That's what I asked at the beginning.

22:24 Adam No.

22:25 Drew I would just talk to your parents.

22:27 Adam Yeah. But go to Planned Parenthood. What about that color guard, Drew? You think it's a great plan to take kids and make representations of like bolt action, M1 rifles and then send them down the middle of the playing field with them, throwing them over their head? Aren't you taught to be careful with a gun? I thought the whole thing with a gun was you always pointed it down, you never pointed at anybody. No people freak out, like I don't care if there's a round in there or the clips out or the safety's on, you always pointed toward the ground, you keep it locked up in a safe, you never handle it with children around, special handling, when you carry it, you put it in the gun case, put it in the back of your car, in the trunk, all that stuff. Why are we sending kids with those M1 rifles running down the middle? I mean, I know they're fake, but it does seem like kind of a mixed message. Hey, take this gun, spin it over your head, and then throw it 30 feet in the air and catch it again. It's kind of weird, isn't it? I think it's tradition.

23:26 Drew Tradition?

23:27 Adam That's pageantry, is what I'm saying.

23:29 Drew I see.

23:30 Adam Okay, we'll take ourselves a little break. You don't find that ironic, do you, Drew?

23:36 Drew That we are so tight about guns, then we throw them over our heads?

23:39 Adam Yeah, seems like they should get back to batons. That's all I'm saying. Especially with all the school shootings.

23:44 Drew I mean, the whole thing, please. It wasn't that sort of a marine thing, or at least a high military pageantry. Now we have women.

23:52 Adam Yeah, we have 14-year-old chicks marching up and down at half time at a high school football game.

23:56 Drew The whole thing is bizarre.

23:57 Adam Okay, let's do away with that. When we come back, speak to Carlos 19, long distance relationship, first time in love. She's in Mexico, they want to stay together. We'll get to him after this.

24:11 Hello, is this Loveline?

24:12 Caller Call 1-800-LOVE-191. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back.

24:33 Adam Hey, Loveline, I'm Adam. That's my confidant, my friend, my partner, my lover, Dr. Drew over there, y'all. Well, it's true, we do talk about stuff. Phone number, 1-800, actually, I talk, you listen. Phone number, 1-800-

24:52 Drew Thank you for noticing.

24:53 Adam L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Well, I'm a talker, Drew. That's why I got the gig.

25:01 Drew Except when you're around people.

25:02 Adam You know, I don't like people.

25:03 Caller Yes.

25:05 Adam Right. So I could be one of those crazy old guys with the 700 cats who talks to them all day.

25:13 Drew I can see it coming. 58 cats, too.

25:16 Adam How dare you?

25:17 Drew You don't hate cats?

25:18 Adam I loved my cat, Norman, and Kitty very much. They were both darling, darling animals.

25:25 Drew You had a cat named Kitty?

25:27 Caller Kitty.

25:28 Adam Yeah, it was Kitty. I think it's like Kitty Carlyle, that kitty cat.

25:34 Drew I did an Animal Planet show last week.

25:37 Adam Wow. What the hell is going on with you?

25:40 Drew What?

25:41 Adam Did you get a publicist?

25:42 Drew No.

25:43 Adam Something happened. What's going on with you? You're whoring all over the place.

25:46 Drew No, they asked me to.

25:47 Adam You're hanging out with Michael Jackson. You're on the Animal Planet. You're with Bill Maher at UCLA. Where aren't you?

25:54 Drew Are you done? Mr.?

25:55 Adam Yeah.

25:55 Drew Anyway, so I did this interview. I realized in the course of the interview that I'm a long history of animal with weird name. I mean...

26:04 Adam You do?

26:04 Drew Yeah. Every family pet has had some weird ass name.

26:07 Adam What were your... What were the names?

26:09 Drew We had like... The kitty things that remind me. We had boy kitty and girl kitty.

26:12 Adam That's what they called them?

26:13 Drew Yeah. I had a dog that I named Sweetie.

26:15 Adam Sweetie?

26:16 Drew Wait a minute. This gets better.

26:17 Adam Turn him gay.

26:18 Drew We inherited a poodle. Somebody... Wait, wait, wait. It was a great poodle. It was really well-trained. It wasn't groomed. It was shaved. It didn't even look like a poodle. His name or her name? Poopsy. Already named. Can you imagine that?

26:34 Adam You're like one of the Gabor sisters. What did you grow up with? Ava or Shasha? Which one was your mom?

26:40 Drew Now we have a cat named Peewee and Vern.

26:45 Adam What's that dog ears? What's that thing called?

26:47 Drew Niko.

26:48 Adam Someone needs to take like a nice, say, five iron to that dog, just send him into the neighbor's yard. That's a worthless mutt.

27:01 Drew You know we named that one after him.

27:02 Adam What you named that dog after?

27:04 Drew Yes. Susan brought the dog home and the kids were like hugging it, squeezing it. She goes, Oh my God, you guys are going to love that dog to death. She goes, I got the name for the dog, Nicole Brown.

27:14 Adam Oh my God, you have no cooth at all.

27:19 Drew Just a weird ass animal.

27:21 Adam I begged for a dog every day for five years, but my family was so like, I guess I should have complained.

27:31 Drew Are you kidding? All the care that they had left over, whatever they were throwing out there for you would have just gotten tossed over the dog.

27:39 Adam That's all you need to know about my family. The dog way too tall in order. It's like, are you kidding? Food every day and clean up the cramp once a month out of the backyard? Impossible. Carlos?

27:51 Yes.

27:52 Adam You're 19.

27:53 Caller Yes. Hi.

27:54 Adam What's up? Oh, yes. You have a long distance relationship.

27:58 Caller Right. I've been with this girl since January the 5th. I asked her to be my girlfriend. We kissed the first time in January the 3rd.

28:07 Adam Oh, my God. Hold on. A guy who remembers dates?

28:10 Caller Oh, yes. I have it on my calendar and everything. It's not gay or anything like that.

28:17 Drew We know.

28:17 Adam It will be.

28:18 Caller But okay. No. I've known her for a year. I met her through my cousin when I went to Mexico last year. Well, I've had two girlfriends before her.

28:29 Drew Do you have the dates written down when you kiss those two also?

28:32 Caller I mean, I thought I was in love with them. You know, I think I'm in love with this girl.

28:36 Drew I think he's in love with being in love. Don't you, Adam?

28:39 Caller Yeah. The difference between this girl and the other ones is that I haven't cheated on this one. You know, and I'm not going to cheat on her because I love her.

28:46 Adam You know, you love her.

28:47 Drew Pure romantic.

28:48 Caller That's why I fell in the beginning with the other girls.

28:50 Drew Hang a second, Carlos. I'm just imagining what was the guy's name on the Flying Nun?

28:54 Adam That was the Carlos, the bachelor from Puerto Rico.

28:57 Drew Yes.

28:57 Adam Yes.

28:58 Drew So what do you think of him?

28:59 Adam Yeah. Same name. Hey, Carlos. Yes. What part of Mexico is she in?

29:06 Caller I don't want to say because if my friends are listening, they're going to be like, this is Carlos, my friend. I'm going to make it fun of me for the rest of my life.

29:15 Adam Why? Because you're in love? That's fine. Is she near the border?

29:20 Caller She's in La Paz, Baja California. She's studying there. She's dorming there. Okay, I'll just say it.

29:25 Adam Hold on. They have colleges there?

29:27 Caller Yeah, she's from, actually, she's from Atlanta, Naloa.

29:30 Adam Oh, yeah. That's where my family's from.

29:33 Caller Yeah, really? She went to La Paz because that's where they offer what she wants to.

29:38 Adam I see.

29:39 Drew What is your question?

29:40 Adam How old is she?

29:42 Caller She's 19. She's 18.

29:44 Adam Okay.

29:45 Drew Yeah, question.

29:46 Caller My question is, do you really think it's going to work? Do you really think long-distance relationship can work? Because I mean, I've been here for my friends, but it's not going to work out. And I've known other issues that don't want to.

29:58 Drew Yeah. What's your sort of life plan in terms of marriage? When do you want to get married?

30:02 Caller When I want to get married. I have to finish my, I have to unsettle with a good job, you know?

30:06 Drew Like, like you're 25, something like that.

30:09 Caller Around, yeah, around 25.

30:10 Drew Do you want to date her for six years? You want to sort of all the way through college and all the way through.

30:14 Adam Well, he's not going to college.

30:16 Caller Right now, yes, I do.

30:17 Adam I like her a lot.

30:18 Caller Well, no.

30:19 Adam Well, wait a minute, Drew. Don't sour the boy on the O'Reilly.

30:23 Drew No, no, no. I'm just asking if that's what he wants to do. Does he want to sacrifice his college time and sacrifice?

30:28 Adam No, I don't think Carlos, you're not going to college, right? Yes, I am junior college.

30:34 Caller All right. I'm going to school in Cal State.

30:36 Adam Where?

30:37 Drew Cal State.

30:38 Adam Northridge.

30:39 Caller It's a, you know, I'm not going to say where I'm going.

30:42 Drew What kind of school? He's in California.

30:44 Caller It's a private school. It's in California.

30:46 Drew Private school.

30:47 Adam For welding. OK, Carlos.

30:49 Caller Yes.

30:50 Adam Is she going to come to the United States? Can she come to the United States?

30:56 Caller I don't know. I mean, I would like that, but I'm not going to like force her to come.

31:02 Adam Are you going to Mexico? I mean, how are you going to see her?

31:07 Drew How are you going to maintain this?

31:08 Caller I saw her once already.

31:09 Adam Oh, all right, well, if you saw her.

31:11 Drew One time, sure, that could sustain a life.

31:13 Caller I'm going to go on April 7th on a vacation.

31:15 Drew Why don't you at least agree that you're going to try to maintain a relationship, but you'll see other people.

31:22 Adam No, no, no.

31:23 Drew It sounds very unrealistic.

31:24 Adam No, no.

31:25 Drew What?

31:26 Adam No, he's going there April 7th or something, right? But you're going in April. So communicate with her on the phone or through email or through letters or whatever way you want to communicate for the next month and a half or month or however, what the hell we are a month and a half away. And then go see her in April and see how it goes. They'll probably knock her off and, you know, stay in Mexico. But the point is, look, you're four or five weeks away. Just, you know, don't date anybody for the next four or five weeks. Talk to her, go over there and see how it feels.

32:00 Drew But this thing is so much built on fantasy. I think I've met like two worms.

32:03 Adam He's not doing anything anyway. Veronica, why are you getting so uptight? Just let him go see her in April. You're 19.

32:11 Drew I didn't tell her not to. I just said, just loosen up a little bit and don't be so fixated in this thing. What's up, Veronica?

32:16 I think my stomach just like, oh, wow. I'm so nervous. This is really embarrassing for me, actually. I'm 19 and I have not experienced an orgasm yet. Many men have.

32:30 Drew That's common, common at 19.

32:31 Is that common? Okay, good. Because I was really starting getting kind of scared. I had a boyfriend for about a year.

32:38 Drew Geez, yeah, that to me, I find that disturbing that women, you know, having normal sexual functioning because the information out there is so pathetic, they have to feel like there's something faulty about them, something wrong if they're not just functioning just like a 19 year old male, basically.

32:53 I did not see, I have not seen any like publications about, you know, orgasms, whatever. It's just me, like I, I just didn't experience it. So I was just wondering if there's something wrong or no, I was like thinking the most weird things my mind like are, are all the, the, the, like the nerves in the area. Okay.

33:14 Drew Are you hooked up properly?

33:16 Adam Like you have evil elves inside your vagina that are blocking the orgasm. Oh no.

33:23 Drew Adam, be serious. I believe they're trolls.

33:25 Adam Trolls, gnomes.

33:27 Yeah.

33:28 Drew Veronica, are you sexually active?

33:30 Not anymore. I had a boyfriend for about a year. Why bother?

33:33 Drew Have you tried masturbating?

33:34 Yeah. And the orgasms I get from that are last two to three seconds. So embarrassing to say out loud. Oh my God.

33:41 Drew So you do get orgasms?

33:42 Yeah. But they're like, they're not, I don't know what be classified as an orgasm. Like most of my friends who have them, say they last 30 minutes to an hour or 20 to 15 minutes or whatever.

33:56 Drew Or they don't know what the hell they're talking about.

33:58 I obviously not, but.

34:00 Drew Unless they're multiple again. Hold on.

34:02 Two to three seconds is nothing. Come on. The feeling that I get that two to three seconds is amazing. I want that feeling to last longer.

34:10 Drew Hold on a second. Now the different misconception going on here.

34:16 Adam What planet is Veronica and her friends from? The hell is going on?

34:21 Drew Planets where they have orgasmatrons.

34:24 Adam How do you get this way? She says she doesn't have orgasms. She's never had an orgasm. She's desperate to experience an orgasm. Then she goes on to say, well, she has had orgasms, but they only go on a couple of seconds. Whereas her friends are having orgasms that go on a half hour. And then she then sort of adjusted that down to fifteen or twenty minutes, which is still a lifetime, in terms of any kind of function. And now says she's not having or is having...

35:00 Drew What are her friends talking about? I think she meant she wasn't having orgasms during sex, which would be normal.

35:05 Yeah, I meant that I'm having the two to three second orgasm, so I'm masturbating. I have not had an orgasm.

35:10 Adam Right, I understand that. I understand that. But understand that's an orgasm.

35:14 Okay.

35:15 Adam And that's how long orgasms last.

35:17 No.

35:17 Caller Yes.

35:19 No.

35:19 Drew Yes. And that some women are multi-orgasmic and can go on for a little while, but that's a very small percentage.

35:26 That's so disappointing.

35:28 Adam You think an orgasm goes on for 20 minutes?

35:32 Well, I've heard this everywhere. I mean, I have not heard any other place that orgasms last.

35:37 Adam Yeah, but Veronica, Veronica.

35:39 Okay.

35:40 Adam You hang around with some pretty dim folks. I mean, your friends are idiots, right?

35:46 Caller Oh, thank you.

35:48 Adam I mean, they're all kind of numbskulls.

35:51 Drew Are you in school now?

35:52 Caller Yeah.

35:53 Drew Where do you go to school?

35:54 Santa Monica.

35:55 Adam Junior College.

35:55 Drew Junior College.

35:56 Well, actually, I applied to USC, but I applied too late. They would have...

36:01 Drew We're not worried about you. We're just assessing your friends.

36:03 Adam No, I am.

36:05 Well, okay, then I don't have any friends at Santa Monica because all my friends are not in LA. I'm not from LA.

36:11 Adam Junior College is Junior College.

36:12 No, all my...

36:14 Adam Don't ignore that.

36:15 That's not right. You guys do that, though.

36:16 Adam Where are you from?

36:17 Because all my friends do not go to Santa Monica. I don't have any...

36:21 Adam I know.

36:21 Drew Where are they from?

36:22 Adam Where are they from?

36:23 I have friends who go to Columbia, Brown, U-Dub, Cal...

36:26 Drew Did they talk about this? No, you don't.

36:29 Even if they did go to Junior College, that's not fair.

36:31 Adam Yes, yes. How come I always know Junior College?

36:35 Okay, well, that was kind of funny what you said earlier about the guy in the Navy.

36:38 Adam All right. Funny for them, but not funny for you. There's no half-hour orgasm. Maybe they're multi-orgasmic. Maybe they're having a couple orgasms in a session. Maybe they have just a very heightened sort of arousal state that's going on where they're feeling very sensitive.

36:55 Drew It makes me wonder if the ones that are saying that even have orgasm. They may not be even...

37:00 Adam That is a very valid point because if you knew what an orgasm was, clearly you'd know it didn't go on for longer than three or four seconds. Tops, therefore, they can't be having them. So maybe they're the ones who aren't having the orgasms. Meanwhile, you'll find a nice guy. He'll perform oral sex on you and you'll have your three-second orgasm with him. Okay? Okay, baby. Hey, that's life.

37:30 Caller Yeah.

37:31 Adam We just burst at Veronica's Big O Bubble.

37:33 Caller Yeah.

37:35 Adam Did you really think that you were going to experience the sensation of an orgasm for 15 or 20 minutes? Do you realize that your head would pop off and blood would just go shooting out? I mean, do you realize what an or, it'd be like getting an electric shock for 15 minutes.

37:55 Caller Right.

37:56 Adam The sensation of an orgasm for 30-second solid would be a lifetime.

38:02 Drew Right.

38:02 Adam I mean, you would be convulsing. They'd have to put paddles on you to restart you. People don't realize what even 15 or 30 seconds is, much less 15 minutes.

38:16 Drew I know.

38:17 Adam I'll tell you everybody, you really want to appreciate time, get in a boxing ring and go three minutes, one round with a guy who's really badass. You'll know how long three minutes is, and you'll be able to do the math from there.

38:32 Drew I just wonder what else in life...

38:35 Adam Wouldn't foam just be coming out of your mouth, your eyes rolled behind your head?

38:39 Drew What do you think else in life though, Veronica, which is a wonderful thing that Veronica finds insufficient? I mean, as for a wonderful dinner, you have to sit down and eat again? Where does it stop?

38:50 Adam I could see her at the Baskin Robbins, the ice cream store. You got fudge and double fudge. Is there triple fudge? No, I'm sorry. Oh, Christ, I got to kill myself. I need a Xanax. We're going to take ourselves a break. We'll get back with Jessica and her Prozac after this.

39:11 Caller We'll be right back. Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191.

39:40 Caller Hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah, oh, yeah.

39:44 Adam That's right, baby.

39:46 Caller It's the Loveline.

39:48 Adam I'm Adam Corolla. That's my part over there. My homie. My, uh, cuz.

39:55 Drew Your confidant, that was the one I liked.

39:57 Adam My confidant.

39:59 Drew So I somehow, that somehow made me feel like Agent 99 or something.

40:03 Adam My muse over there, Dr. Drew Ski. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Newfound Glory coming in here a little bit later this week. Jamie Presley, the good looking blonde from...

40:16 Drew Trailer Park.

40:17 Adam No. What's that show called? Mike and Ike?

40:21 Drew But she did that. She played that Trailer Park chick in the...

40:23 Adam Yeah, you've seen her in all the magazines and all that kind of stuff. Jack and Jill. She'll be... She'll be in here. Bill Maher. He's going to be in here. A little reunion from Temptation Island. Mighty Mighty Ballstones, which is something I'm very excited about because as you know I love the band.

40:43 Drew I haven't seen him in a while.

40:45 Adam No, I spoke to Dickie a couple months ago, I think. It's the last time I talked to him. And Jake Busey as well.

40:54 Drew Ann, who's coming from Temptation Island? Good radio.

40:59 Shannon and Andy.

41:01 Drew Andy. Shannon and Andy. Which one are they? Is that the husband and wife?

41:05 Adam Okay, Drew, stop that.

41:05 Drew I mean the couple? Yeah, the couple. Stop it, Drew.

41:10 Adam Drew, why don't you wait till at least Ann's facing this way near the microphone for you to ask her a question.

41:14 Drew It's reality radio, dude.

41:18 Adam It certainly is. Okay, what'd you get your answer there?

41:22 Drew Yeah, actually, they were on Mars Venus with us.

41:25 Adam They're all right.

41:25 Drew Shannon and Andy, they're very nice.

41:26 Adam You know them?

41:27 Drew Yeah.

41:27 Adam Okay, good times. Jessica?

41:30 Caller Yeah, hi.

41:30 Adam You're 16, what's up?

41:32 Drew I think those two.

41:33 Okay, I have a problem.

41:35 Caller I just started taking a pill like three days ago.

41:38 Drew Birth control pill.

41:39 Caller Yeah.

41:41 Caller And I've been throwing up and really nauseous.

41:44 Drew Did you talk to your doctor?

41:45 Caller Well, no. Well, they said that it's a side effect.

41:49 Drew Yeah, but you shouldn't have intolerable vomiting. That's just impossible. You're not on the right pill then. Which one are you on?

41:55 Caller Ortho Tri-Cyclone.

41:58 Drew Yeah, you might have to be on a lower dose estrogen pill. That's a good pill, but it may not be the right one for you.

42:03 Caller He said that that's like the best out there, but...

42:06 Drew It's a great pill, but it may not be the right one for you. You're having the symptoms of excess estrogen. And this may not go away. Yes, it might, but it might not, in which case you can't go through life vomiting every day. That's not one of the side effects you should have to tolerate with this pill.

42:21 Adam Leslie, what's up there, sister, you're 26.

42:25 Caller I am 26. And I'm having orgasms that last an hour or more, man. I don't know about you.

42:33 Adam No, you're not.

42:34 Caller Yeah, I am.

42:35 Drew You're having multiple.

42:36 Caller I don't have them every day, but they do happen. For people who practice Tantra, who learn about controlling the muscles.

42:43 Adam Oh, you wiccan hippie freaks.

42:46 Caller Controlling the muscles of the vagina or the penis, it's very possible to have orgasms that last an hour or more.

42:51 Adam Well, listen, it's possible to believe you're Napoleon, too. It doesn't mean you're Napoleon, does it?

42:58 Caller No, and dressing up in a funny hat won't get you there. But learning something about sexuality and about the practice of good sex will radically enhance your sex life. It'll radically enhance your ability to have orgasms, the frequency of orgasm, the duration of orgasm. It's very possible to improve on the three to five second bang.

43:16 Adam All right, but let me ask you this. Why don't I trust any of you people? Why do I think there's something wrong with all of you?

43:23 Caller I don't know. Why do you think there's something wrong with us? I'd imagine it's because you're not having great sex.

43:28 Adam Turn your... How dare you, by the way? How dare you call me in my studio and attack my sexuality?

43:35 Caller I'm not attacking your sexuality.

43:37 Adam Call... Hey, turn your radio down. Hey, goofball, turn that radio down.

43:42 Caller The radio's turned down. I'm sorry.

43:43 Adam Thank you. Now, you do that Tantric sex or you work on the Tantric exercises and everything?

43:49 Caller I work on Tantric exercise.

43:50 Drew And here's a topic for that... It's one of the Sunday shows, right?

43:54 Adam Yeah. And how does that work?

43:55 Caller Well, there are a variety of exercises that can be done in several different traditions. Tantra is one of them.

44:01 Drew How often do you do these exercises?

44:03 Caller Daily.

44:04 Adam And how long do you spend on your, let's say, the left side of your vagina?

44:09 Caller Actually, there are a series of contractions and releases that I do. I do them daily for about 20, 30 minutes. I also do daily meditations to work with my awareness of energy, my awareness of physical sensation, my awareness of emotional sensation, to be able to expand my capacity for enjoyment and pleasure in sexuality. I work on this every day.

44:31 Adam And you were molested for 14 years?

44:33 Caller I was never molested.

44:34 Adam What's up with you?

44:36 Caller What's up with me is I enjoy good sex. I'm interested in sexuality. I'm interested in learning about and practicing good sex.

44:42 Adam I understand that, but I don't know. Isn't there something just kind of fun and innocent about having a good romp?

44:48 Caller There is something fun and innocent about having a good romp. And sometimes a good romp is what you're in the mood for. And that's great.

44:54 And I'm all for it.

44:55 Drew And when you have these hour long...

44:56 Adam Why do I think Leslie's just nuts? But why is that? But hold on a second, Drew. You know, are we jealous and defensive? Do you know what I mean? Why does it smack of nuts to us when somebody wants to work on their sexual duality this way? Why does that smell so... Why is it so wrong to me?

45:16 Drew Because it's like trying to work on Chateaubriand. It's like, this is inadequate. We must make it so much better. I mean, the Chateaubriand you've been eating, you have no idea. We can make it so much better because you're not paying enough attention to it. It's like, hey, it's fabulous. How much more fabulous do I need it to be?

45:33 Adam I always find it insulting slash condescending when people tell you what you're missing out on and what your life could be and what their life is. Do you know what I'm saying? I don't know why I find it very bothersome.

45:46 Caller It's my intention to do that.

45:48 Drew I know. When you have the one-hour orgasms, anything else going on in your life at that time?

45:55 Caller Well, generally if I have an orgasm of that level of intensity, it's with someone who I really care about.

46:00 Drew Okay.

46:00 Caller Do I have a strong connection with them?

46:01 Drew And is it multiple? You're having multiple orgasms?

46:03 Caller Oh, yes.

46:04 Drew You have multiple orgasms?

46:05 Caller Oh, yes.

46:06 Drew So you're multiple orgasmic. I mean, not every woman is multiple orgasmic.

46:10 Caller Not every woman is multi-orgasmic.

46:11 Drew So that's different than having...

46:13 Caller Women have the capacity for multiple orgasms.

46:15 Drew That's different than having a single orgasm that lasts an hour. That's very, very different. Very, very different.

46:20 Caller I have had single orgasms that have lasted 45 minutes to an hour.

46:23 Drew Wait. Are you multi-orgasmic?

46:26 Caller I am also multi-orgasmic, yes.

46:28 Adam All right. Well, listen, Drew, you can, with a woman...

46:31 Caller Sometimes, yes, it's difficult to distinguish between the peaks and the falls, but let me tell you, when you have an orgasm that lasts for 45 minutes, you know it.

46:41 Adam What does a guy do at that point? He just leave 20 bucks on you and pull his pants up and hit the El Camino?

46:47 Caller Certainly not. What's the guy doing with......extended orgasms as well?

46:51 Adam No.

46:52 Caller Generally not to quite the same length that women have.

46:55 Drew No, no, no.

46:56 Adam Yeah. Is fluid coming out of the penis for 15 minutes?

47:00 Caller No.

47:01 Adam Then forget it.

47:02 Drew Then forget it.

47:02 Adam Done.

47:03 Drew We're not interested in anything else.

47:05 Adam That ain't an orgasm. That's the sensation you've talked yourself into after you're done having the orgasm that makes you believe that it's continuing.

47:13 Caller No. It's a method of muscle contraction actually. It's a method of deliberately holding the...

47:18 Adam Alright. Really? There's nothing that sex isn't good as it is, huh?

47:23 Caller Sex is great as it is, but there's no reason not to increase your intimacy, to increase your physical pleasure, your emotional pleasure by understanding the way your body works.

47:33 Adam Alright, baby. I'm just too tired for all this. I want a sleeping pill and like a callboy and I'm just going to jack off and call it a night, right?

47:39 Drew But you smoke cigarettes. Leslie, you smoke cigarettes, right?

47:43 Adam I do sometimes smoke.

47:44 Drew Yeah, you smoke cigarettes. I mean, what the F? You know, that is rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. You know, oh, I'm tuned into my body and I'm taking such good care of it and I'm addicted to tobacco.

47:54 Adam Oh, that's always nonsense. That's why I hate these people. I really do hate them. Oh, one last question. I know. Hey, Leslie.

48:02 Caller Leslie.

48:03 Adam Are you there? You into that feng shui at all?

48:07 Caller I wouldn't say that I'm.

48:07 Caller Oh, yes.

48:09 Adam You're into it just like you smoke two cigarettes a month, right?

48:13 Caller No, actually, not really. I know a little bit about the generality of the feng shui.

48:17 Adam Mitch, you don't face the bed toward the power chakra or anything like that?

48:21 Caller Not really.

48:22 Adam All right. Good times, baby. You haven't completely lost it. All right. We'll take a break. We'll be back.

48:28 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

48:53 Caller Yeah, Loveline.

48:55 Adam I'm Adam, that's Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Let's hop back on the phones, speak to young Tori, who's 15. Tori?

49:05 Caller Hello?

49:06 Adam What's up?

49:06 Caller Hey.

49:07 Caller Hey.

49:08 Caller Um, this is my girlfriend. She's like, like all screwed up and stuff.

49:14 Caller Uh-huh.

49:15 Adam How old is she?

49:16 Caller 15.

49:17 Drew Is she getting treatment? Help?

49:19 Caller Actually, no. I just confronted her mom this weekend.

49:22 Drew Good.

49:23 Adam Well, what's your girlfriend doing?

49:24 Caller Well, where I, like, I'm, I live down there and I had problems with my family, so I moved with my mom. And I went to visit and her little brother said that she got a bunch of his little friends and they went to the park and they're like, she had, she was like making them kiss each other and kissing them.

49:40 Drew Oh, nice. Nice.

49:42 Caller They were kissing girls, too.

49:44 Drew Alright, what did you tell the mom?

49:46 Caller I just told her everything I knew and she's like, this week I want to go back down there, we're going to talk to her or something, but...

49:54 Adam Where's back down there?

49:55 Caller Well, because I used to live in San Dimas, but no.

49:59 Drew I don't know what more you can do other than actually taking yourself, her, yourself to some sort of help, but you told the mom, the mom is responsible for this, her behavior is sort of bordering on the criminal, in terms of her abusing these kids, and maybe you want to notify police too, if it goes on, because you've got to get her, really save her from herself, quite literally. And if mom doesn't do something, I would suggest you do something even firmer with this.

50:27 Adam Yeah, and listen, as much as you may love her, want to help her, if she's out of control, you don't go down with her.

50:36 Drew Right.

50:36 Adam Just step back, let her get some help, and you move on. Please, feel free to do that at 15. Everyone should have that option. Andy?

50:47 Caller Yes.

50:47 Adam You're 27?

50:49 Caller Yes.

50:50 Adam What's up?

50:51 Caller My girlfriend has a problem in her pubic area. She gets, the hair is really kind of dense, but the hairs are thin and they kind of knot up. And she's really afraid about, I guess, she's not into pain, so she doesn't like to use wax or anything. But she also has like a mental problem with touching herself.

51:12 Adam And why doesn't, why doesn't, she should wear like a French braid or something, so it doesn't get tangled up.

51:18 Drew You mean grooming herself?

51:20 Caller Yeah. She really has a, she doesn't like to touch herself. She, she, I made her show it to me once and she was so embarrassed because this was, you know, when we were first together. And it took like a few months for her to even get rid of, you know, it was like a dreadlock. Oh my God.

51:38 Adam But let me get this straight. Is it the hair? Is it the length of the hair or is it sort of the width of the hair? I mean, is it growing down her leg or is it just growing out in length?

51:51 Caller Yeah. Well, it comes from, you know, the pubic area, but it would grow long.

51:56 Drew It's like dreadlocks.

51:57 Caller Yeah.

51:57 Adam Yeah. Yeah. But what I mean is, is with the grooming, it's like, if it was your, if it was, let's say it was your head we were talking about.

52:05 Caller Yeah.

52:06 Adam It'd be, you need a hair cut, but we don't need to shave up the back of your neck and trim your sideburns. Do you know what I mean?

52:14 Drew Yeah.

52:14 Adam Yeah.

52:14 Drew Yeah.

52:14 Adam Yeah.

52:14 Caller No, it's right like over the vagina, right?

52:18 Drew Yeah. It's not. It's not.

52:19 Caller Okay. Listen.

52:20 Drew I know. I think he knows what you're saying.

52:21 Adam They're genius.

52:22 Drew The hair that's there is as long and it's matter.

52:24 Adam But I thought it's not just he needs to bikini wax per se. It's that she needs to hair shortened.

52:30 Caller I guess what's a safe way to do it. And then I need to convince her how to do it.

52:34 Adam And he's one of these guys, by the way, he'll never give you any satisfaction. He'll never for a second let you think you know what he's talking about or he knows what you're talking about. How does that? How do those people work?

52:43 Drew Does she shower?

52:45 Caller Oh yeah, we shower together.

52:46 Drew And does she use soap on her genitalia?

52:49 Caller She's got some special things she uses, yeah.

52:52 Drew The whole deal is, do you guys have sex?

52:55 Yeah.

52:56 Adam But you just want her to cut the length of the hair.

52:59 Caller Yeah, but she...

53:00 Adam Yeah, yes, yes.

53:02 Caller Yes, she did it once, but she won't do it again.

53:04 Adam Okay, and you don't want her to wax the sides.

53:07 Caller She wouldn't do it anyway.

53:08 Adam Okay. I'm just trying to get a visual for the overall area there.

53:13 Drew And your question was how to do it safely, and yet you know that she's done it before, without hurting herself?

53:18 Caller She did it with scissors, well...

53:20 Drew Without hurting herself?

53:21 Caller She wants to know, is there a liquid way or something that she could put it down there without... The liquid stuff says don't put it down there.

53:29 Adam Yeah, don't put it down there. Why won't she touch herself? What's up with her?

53:33 Caller Well, she had some... I think she was raped by a couple of ex-boyfriends, and she really despises that part of her body.

53:41 Adam Well, here's...

53:44 Caller Well, hold on.

53:45 Adam This is interesting. Andy sounds like he's a handful himself. Let me paint a picture here. Sexually abused. Multiplied, growing up. Then raped.

53:59 Drew Later.

53:59 Adam Later on in life.

54:00 Drew No doubt.

54:01 Adam Now looks at that area as kind of a bad area, and doesn't want to make it enticing or presentable to males. I mean, let it look like a vacant lot that's overgrown so no one wants to buy it. You know what I mean? Why mow the lawn when you don't want anyone to buy the house? No curb appeal to that vagina. I'm kind of curious what's going on with Andy though. Hey Andy, how are you doing in your life?

54:32 Caller Got a full-time job. We've been together for a year and a half.

54:35 Adam All right. You guys don't have any kids, do you?

54:38 Caller No.

54:39 Adam Good times. Okay. Well, she's got some issues. Yeah. And I think it's a time in her life. How old is she?

54:48 Caller She's 22.

54:49 Adam I think it's a time that maybe she started addressing those issues.

54:52 Caller Well, I tried to get her to go to counseling but it was really hard. We went three times and she didn't go again.

54:57 Adam She kind of needs to go on her own.

54:59 Drew Yeah.

54:59 Adam This isn't really about you and her. This is about her and what's going on with her before you. You know what I mean?

55:06 Caller What does that mean? What does she have to do with it?

55:08 Drew Well, she's a victim, survivor of abuse and she needs to do some survivor work.

55:13 Caller And that is?

55:14 Drew That is individual therapy for a long time.

55:17 Caller Okay.

55:18 Adam And once she gets some counseling and feels a little safer and works on some issues, then these sort of issues are going to clear up too. But until then, it's hard just to sort of focus on this part of her and this part of her life without addressing the stuff that's fueling this. This isn't just about hair or her vagina.

55:39 Drew No, no, no.

55:41 Adam And everybody, listen, please, I know you're stoned and you're trying to fall asleep, but listen, this is, this is life, baby. This is it. This is the number one thing. Everybody has their own issues, their own cries, their own laments. And everyone gets really focused on those things. Like this guy's focused on the hair that's between his girlfriend's legs. Meanwhile, she was, you know, she was brutalized. I'm sure she was abused. We for sure know she was raped and something set that up, too, I'm sure. That's the issue. You're just going to focus on the hair. Why won't she cut it? I don't understand why she's so freaked out. She doesn't want to touch yourself. You'll go round and round and round, and eventually you'll be dead. Seventy years from now, but you'll be dead, and you've gotten nowhere, and you've got to know truths.

56:28 Drew Yeah.

56:29 Adam Focus on what's feeding all of this stuff, and all this stuff will go away.

56:35 Drew And then when it comes to yourself, just accept that it's all about you. Things happen in your life, right? Accept responsibility for everything.

56:43 Adam That's right. Unless a safe lands on your head, which I don't believe happens too much anymore. People don't seem to be hoisting safes, anvils and pianos up to the 9th floor of any Manhattan apartments anymore.

56:56 Caller It's more than 7 seconds.

56:57 Adam Hey, Kent. Kent, turn the radio down.

57:01 Drew Don't worry about the delay.

57:03 Caller What's up?

57:05 Adam Is your radio down?

57:06 Caller It's off.

57:07 Adam Okay, go ahead.

57:10 Caller I listen to you guys often and I hear people calling about crabs and I just had a story I was going to fill you in on, kind of funny.

57:18 Adam Okay.

57:19 Caller I had gotten crabs from some woman and I called a buddy and he told me to go down to the drug store and tell them what I had and they would give me something. Every time I would get in line, you know, there would be like ten women behind me and I was kind of intimidated or scared, whatever. So I went home and I was kind of, you know, when you have some live little creature on your body, it's kind of scary. And, you know, I'm sitting there on the toilet and thinking about these crabs and sitting there with a pair of tweezers. And I look over and in my shower is my flea and pig shampoo for my dog.

58:02 Adam Yeah.

58:03 Caller You know, and I'm sitting there thinking, well, it didn't hurt the dog or anything. So I lathered up and took care of it.

58:12 Adam And it worked, right?

58:14 Caller Worked perfect. No rash.

58:16 Caller No next day.

58:18 Adam Everything gone. God bless you. I mean, you are a genius. I love this kind of stuff. That is so true. I mean, what is that flea and tick stuff? Four bucks for a 16 ounce container of it. And what is the crab stuff? Once you get the goddamn prescription, because as we've talked about, if they take away the prescription to the crab medicine, people will be chugging that stuff like Gatorade. Kids will get hold of it and be hoofing it, getting high from it. I think of all the potential dangers there could be from people getting hold of crab medicine. Imagine what I would do if I got hold of some crab medicine. I'd go on some kind of crab killing spree. Stop me before I kill another pubic lye. Is it lice? What's the plural of lice? Louse?

59:10 Drew Pubic louse.

59:11 Adam Or the singular. Anyway, this is good. I know you're a doctor and you're not going to condone this, but if you think about it, do the math. You rub the shampoo on your dog, it kills ticks and fleas. Ticks and fleas aren't that easy to kill. A shampoo that's going to kill a tick or a flea will probably kill a crab too. On the other hand, if you can wipe it all over your dog, it ain't going to burn a hole in your skin.

59:34 Drew Let's just remind you, I'd like to remind you Adam, of how this logic has led you down the path to...

59:41 Adam Putting Bondo on my face?

59:43 Drew Yes. That's that logic.

59:47 Adam Yeah, Bondo is a two-part concoction that they use to fill in dents in car fenders. I once was working with some Bondo when I was working on a car, and I noticed that there's a resin and there's a catalyst. And the catalyst is a little orange rust-colored goo that you mix, drop in with the resin, and it hardens the stuff up. And I noticed the catalyst was 90% benzoyl peroxide, which is a drying agent. And I noticed that the clear cell was 5% or 10% benzoyl peroxide. So I put some of that Bondo catalyst on a zit.

1:00:23 Drew And? Burn a hole in your face?

1:00:25 Adam No, it didn't really do anything. But I figure I got 90% benzoyl peroxide, brother. I ain't spending six bucks for an ounce and a half of 10%. I got 90% here.

1:00:35 Caller Nice.

1:00:36 Adam Down at the Pep Boys. All right. I like this idea of putting dog shampoo on your crab-laden nuts. Rachel?

1:00:45 Caller Yeah?

1:00:45 Adam You're 19.

1:00:46 Caller Yeah.

1:00:47 Adam What's up?

1:00:48 Caller Well, I'm dating my dad's friend. What's his best friend?

1:00:52 Drew How old is your dad?

1:00:53 Adam Did you say friends or friend?

1:00:55 Caller Friend.

1:00:56 Adam Okay.

1:00:57 Drew How old is your dad?

1:00:58 Caller My dad's 40.

1:01:00 Drew How old is his friend?

1:01:01 Caller 33.

1:01:04 Drew What kind of friend would do that, you think?

1:01:07 Caller I don't know.

1:01:08 Ooh.

1:01:10 Adam What's up with her voice? He got that little girl voice, Rachel.

1:01:15 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:01:17 Adam You know, we worry about that.

1:01:18 Caller No, I'm 19. I go to USC.

1:01:21 Drew That doesn't satisfy us.

1:01:24 Adam Well, what's that mean?

1:01:26 Caller I was born in 1980. I'm about to be 20.

1:01:29 Drew Yeah, but you sound 29.

1:01:31 Caller Huh?

1:01:33 Adam You sound younger.

1:01:34 Caller No, I know. I get that a lot.

1:01:36 Drew I understand, but that to us means something happened around the age of 9.

1:01:40 Adam Anything ever happen to you?

1:01:42 Caller No.

1:01:42 Adam No.

1:01:43 Drew Are your parents in divorce then? No.

1:01:46 Caller They're supposed to be other.

1:01:48 Adam No rape, incest, abuse?

1:01:50 Caller No.

1:01:51 Adam All right, baby.

1:01:51 Drew Wait a minute. Your dad's 40.

1:01:54 Adam Okay. So you like his friend and you're dating him, having sex with him?

1:01:58 Caller Um, yeah.

1:02:00 Adam And what are you worried about? Your dad finding out?

1:02:02 Caller Yeah, but like his friend wants to take it further.

1:02:07 Adam What do you mean take it further?

1:02:08 Caller Like he's like, he keeps asking me, would you ever consider marrying me?

1:02:13 Drew And what does this guy like? What's he do?

1:02:16 Caller He's a doctor.

1:02:17 Drew Nope.

1:02:18 Adam Strike one.

1:02:19 Drew Yeah.

1:02:20 Adam What kind of doctor?

1:02:21 Caller He's an orthopedic surgeon. What do you mean aha?

1:02:26 Drew 19 year old. Mm hmm.

1:02:27 Adam Poindexter type. He has got himself some young ass.

1:02:31 Drew How did you get hooked up with somebody so much older than you?

1:02:33 Caller Well, like my dad's friend. Well, my dad would have like work parties and he would come over and stuff and we just started talking.

1:02:42 Adam Okay.

1:02:42 Drew And your dad doesn't know that you're dating him?

1:02:44 Caller No, because I just say that I'm going to spend the night at my friend's house and stuff.

1:02:47 Adam Do you think your dad would freak if he found out?

1:02:49 Caller Yeah.

1:02:50 Adam Do you think your dad, does he like this guy? Does he respect him?

1:02:53 Caller Well, we're really good friends.

1:02:54 Drew What about your mom?

1:02:56 Caller Well, my mom just listens to my dad.

1:02:59 Drew You can't talk to your mom?

1:03:01 Caller No.

1:03:02 Drew Is there something culturally going on here? Because it seems like there's something I'm missing.

1:03:06 Caller Well.

1:03:07 Drew You understand what I'm asking? Do you share a heritage or something?

1:03:11 Caller What do you mean like a heritage? Like, well, my mom's from Honduras.

1:03:16 Drew Yeah.

1:03:18 Caller And I guess, like, she's always been taught to do what the man says or whatever.

1:03:23 Drew Where's your dad from?

1:03:24 Adam I got to move to that Honduras.

1:03:26 Drew No doubt. Where's your dad from?

1:03:27 Caller My dad's from Ireland.

1:03:30 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:03:31 Adam So you do a little drinking?

1:03:33 Caller Does he drink?

1:03:35 Caller Well, yes.

1:03:36 Caller Kind of, yeah.

1:03:36 Drew Yeah. And does this guy drink too?

1:03:39 Caller Um, no.

1:03:40 Adam Okay. And would you say, what's your dad do? Is he a doctor too?

1:03:43 Caller Yeah, he's an orthopedic surgeon as well.

1:03:45 Adam Yeah. A lot of doctors always swing to go. Yeah, I know.

1:03:48 Drew Because you don't have any time for anybody else.

1:03:49 Adam Yeah, I know. I know that guy wasn't a steam fitter or something, pipe fitter. So, uh, and would you say your dad's an alcoholic?

1:03:58 Caller No, he's not an alcoholic. He drinks, like, with his friends. Like, he doesn't drink during the week because I have little brothers and sisters.

1:04:04 Adam All right. All right.

1:04:05 Caller And he just drinks on the weekends with his...

1:04:07 Adam Well, Rachel, here's my, my thought about this.

1:04:10 Caller OK.

1:04:10 Adam And, Drew, you, you back me up here. But only if you agree or even if you don't. Uh, we, we get the feeling that there's a little something going on with Rachel.

1:04:22 Drew Yeah.

1:04:22 Adam Not wholesale abuse, but there's a little something. Subservient mom.

1:04:26 Drew Yeah.

1:04:26 Adam That does a little losing. All right. Dad's probably workaholic kind of guy.

1:04:31 Drew Yeah.

1:04:32 Adam Uh, friends sounds like an OK guy, but I'm not too sold on the guy. And the fact that he's trying to push things along, even that's too fast for that. You're as a 19 year old girl, you're supposed to be the one that's fallen in love with him. And he's supposed to be the one that's going, Hey baby, slow down. There's a big age difference. So I'm a little worried about the dude.

1:04:53 Caller Yeah.

1:04:55 Adam Uh, on the other and Rachel sounds a little confused. But on the other hand, there's nothing, you know, she's an adult.

1:05:04 Drew Yeah.

1:05:04 Adam Yeah.

1:05:05 Drew Yeah.

1:05:05 Adam She's in college.

1:05:06 Drew He's managed to get through residency.

1:05:08 Adam He's doing okay. He's having a good life. And so I'm not going to put the kibosh on it. Why don't you just take it slow? Don't reveal anything to dad yet. How long has this been going on?

1:05:20 Caller Well, since I've been 18.

1:05:22 Adam Oh, been going on for a little while.

1:05:24 Caller Almost two years.

1:05:25 Drew Has this guy seen other people?

1:05:27 Caller No.

1:05:29 Adam What's this guy's story? Is he divorced or is he like a nerd in college?

1:05:34 Caller He's never been married because, like, I guess he never had time to date while he was in college.

1:05:39 Adam Nerd.

1:05:39 Drew Nerd.

1:05:40 Adam Nerd.

1:05:41 Caller No, he's not a nerd.

1:05:42 Adam No, he was a nerd.

1:05:43 Drew You don't see him as that now. That's what he was.

1:05:44 Adam No, now you see a guy driving a convertible Porsche and wearing a gold rope chain bracelet. Believe me, this guy is a nerd. You can't get through medical school without being a full-blown geek. You should see pictures of Drew. So now he's getting that piece of college tale he never had. He wasn't getting any ass when he was in college. Now he's going back to right the wrongs. Believe me, a fair amount of doctors, but almost every agent, manager, publicist, who's not gay, wait a minute, that's all of them, every Hollywood type does this. Almost every successful guy does this, which is, in order to be successful, you need to be disciplined. And it's hard to be disciplined and focused when you're throwing touchdown passes and getting BJs on Saturday night at Kegers. No, these guys had time. I'll give you a good example. You show me a guy who's really good at magic, I'll show you a guy who didn't get laid in high school. Why? Takes a lot of Saturday nights at home. And just working on those cards and that sleight of hand. So much discipline. Every one of my friends, the Rays and the Crisses of the worlds, the guys who are great at sports, the guys who got laid, the guys who had chicks. These guys don't know anything.

1:07:08 Drew Right. About anything? About it. A little of those careful techniques.

1:07:12 Adam It's not that they're dumb guys, but they don't get 15 minutes worth of education under their belt. They've never said, they don't know another language. They don't play an instrument. They don't know nothing. They know nothing. You know why?

1:07:23 Drew I'm sure they appreciate you bringing that out, by the way.

1:07:26 Adam My buddy Chris, he's banging... When that guy was 15, 16, he was banging away some chick in his apartment building when he was 15, 16, and her mom.

1:07:34 Drew Redemption.

1:07:35 Adam And her mom's sister.

1:07:38 Drew No.

1:07:39 Adam Yes. No.

1:07:41 Drew Oh, yes. Oh my God.

1:07:44 Adam So let me tell you something.

1:07:45 Drew You do good on this show. Your life was priming for this.

1:07:48 Adam When you're 15 or 16 years old and you're nailing three chicks in your eight-unit apartment building and two of them are in their 30s and one is your age, you ain't home studying the violin or listening to Berlitz tapes to speak fluent Mandarin. It ain't happening. No. You get nothing. You get life.

1:08:12 Drew But back to Rachel, though, there is something not healthy about this situation. But on the Loveline scale, it may not be a big deal, but it will show itself with time. There is something here. Something.

1:08:24 Adam Keep your eyes open.

1:08:25 Drew Yes.

1:08:25 Adam Take it slow. Don't say anything to dad just yet.

1:08:28 Drew Something unhealthy. I mean, like really unhealthy.

1:08:30 Adam We'll get to something in her voice. Yeah. All right. We'll be back after this.

1:08:35 Caller Love Line.

1:08:36 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191. We'll be right back.

1:08:55 Caller 100.7 The Buzz.

1:09:09 Adam Yeah, it's Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, that's B Doctor Drew over there. Well, number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1. All right, lots of big time guests coming on this show. Starting tomorrow. We have the cast from the first years of the new NBC show where they're all lawyers. The only problem with the TV, with the lawyers and the doctors, present company excluded, they're all horribly unattractive people.

1:09:39 Drew In real life. Yes.

1:09:40 Adam Go sit down with some attorneys. Want to see some mutts? You want to see what guys look like who really hit the books? There ain't going to be a bunch of hot, fresh-faced 25-year-olds, I'll tell you that, right now. Now, balding guys with huge, huge noses. Huge, huge beak-like noses. No hair, short and portly. That's a good attorney. Portly.

1:10:06 Drew What happened to that word?

1:10:07 Adam Portly. I miss portly. For all you youngins who know what portly means, it means fat. But I miss that. It's a good word. Jenny?

1:10:20 Yes.

1:10:20 Adam You're 17?

1:10:21 Yes, I am. I have a pretty straightforward question for Dr. Drew, actually. I was just wondering if there is any possible dangerous or maybe even lethal effects between Accutane and Ecstasy?

1:10:33 Drew Not that I'm aware of, other than the confounding influence on mood. As you know, Accutane has been a big deal about it causing depression and suicide and certainly Ecstasy can cause those problems. That's the big issue.

1:10:48 Actually, last night I heard some guy called in and said he couldn't sleep for a while and he was on acu-medication.

1:10:55 Drew Was that him? No, no, he was on a tetracycline or something. Okay. But there was one also along those lines about the Accutane and Ecstasy and I don't know of any reaction.

1:11:04 Adam All right. Let's talk to Josh.

1:11:06 Drew In fact, let's think about it this way. A lot of kids on Accutane, a lot of kids doing Ecstasy. Do you think we've heard of something by now?

1:11:12 Adam Josh?

1:11:13 Yeah.

1:11:14 Adam You're 15?

1:11:15 Caller Yeah. I'm going out with this girl and she knows I really like knives and now she wants me to get rid of it because she saw me beat up this guy for picking on my younger brother Sheldon and she's worried that I'm going to fly off the handle.

1:11:29 Drew We're worried too.

1:11:30 Adam Yeah. Well, here's the thing. When you're named Sheldon, you got to figure you're going to get picked on.

1:11:36 Drew Little bit.

1:11:37 Adam Little bit. Now, was the guy who picked on him your age or his age?

1:11:42 Caller He was my age.

1:11:43 Adam Oh, okay. And how old is your younger brother?

1:11:45 Caller He's 11.

1:11:47 Adam I see. So this guy's picking on him. So you went and picked on him.

1:11:50 Caller Yeah.

1:11:51 Drew Yeah.

1:11:52 Adam That's the code of the street. Nothing wrong with that.

1:11:55 Drew Well, it's the same age as him or older.

1:11:57 Adam And what is, tell me about your knife collection.

1:12:02 Caller Oh, yeah. I got like a lot of knives. I got like over 40. I got, you know, butterflies and switchblades.

1:12:07 Drew Why? Why? What do you find so fascinating about knives? If you don't intend to use them, I collect them.

1:12:13 Caller And, you know, me and my dad, he used to collect them, too, until, you know, he died.

1:12:17 Drew Did he die in a knife fight and got killed?

1:12:20 Caller No, he was in a car accident.

1:12:21 Adam And after he was stabbed, he was being rushed to the hospital after a stabbing wound. Don't make fun of Josh's poor dad who died in a car crash. How dare you?

1:12:33 Drew Listen, I'm making it up.

1:12:34 Adam I don't trust guys who collect knives either, but they can be very beautiful. And I've seen those guys. Josh, you see those guys on late night TV? Those two fat guys with the mustaches. And they're like, we got buck knives, we got bowie knives, we got craft knives, we got utility knives, we got a leather man. And they pound them all into the stump. And they're like, $99 gets you 99 knives.

1:12:57 Caller Look at that. Look at that.

1:12:59 Adam That's Cromali 205 steel, stainless steel. Bob, hand me that wild turkey. I'll cut his head right off.

1:13:06 Caller There, look at that.

1:13:07 Adam Cut his hair. And look at what he does. Shreds paper and goes to Pineapple Fess here in Hawaii.

1:13:12 Caller There you go.

1:13:13 Adam And then like, they just go nuts with the knives. And this one, the Commando, the Commando Special. But there's the one Rocky used in Rambo 5. This has wire, a slit of man straw in the bottom. There's a compass built into it, a snake bike kit, and a rototill.

1:13:32 Drew Isn't there a stage about age eight, nine, as a guy that you're just intrigued by now?

1:13:37 Adam I was crazy into knives, yes.

1:13:39 Drew Was it about nine? Yeah, most people do outgrow it, Josh. And if you have anger and impulse issues, why don't you at least, at least, put several barriers between you and the knives. So if you do sort of spring a, you know, lose a screw one night, it's hard for you to get your hands on these knives. You can't just impulsively grab them and-

1:14:00 Adam Bury them in the backyard and give them a map to the neighbors.

1:14:02 Drew Put them in a case with some lock.

1:14:04 Caller Well yeah, I got them in a padlock in my mom's room.

1:14:07 Drew Yeah, and then lock the room that they're in and then, you know.

1:14:10 Adam Josh, did you just give this guy a good ass whooping or did you freak out and like start banging his head against the curb?

1:14:16 Caller I just, you know, went off on him. I saw him hit my brother and that was it. And I just went off, you know, like he had a bloody nose and was walking off. He just kind of ran off with a bloody nose. I don't know what all happened. Okay.

1:14:26 Drew It didn't go off the way you do, Adam. Bring it on. The guy with the baseball bat.

1:14:31 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:14:31 Drew It's a story I haven't told in a while.

1:14:33 Adam What was that story?

1:14:35 Drew Somebody, somebody, you know, the guy hit me at the bat.

1:14:39 Adam Yeah, I got to fight with a bunch of guys out in the street once. And I'll tell you, I got, I got a bottle broken on me and had another guy hit me, and I take a full swing of a baseball bat and a bad knee or something, right? Well, it was really a situation, Drew, where I'm really not that tough a dude, but it just turned out that way.

1:15:01 Drew Just you seem tough.

1:15:03 Adam I seem tough by what happened. I was leaving a party when I was in my youth, maybe about 19 or 20 makeout party where everyone but me was getting laid. And as I was leaving, Drew, the chick who I didn't want to have sex with because she was crazy, told the tough guys who were pulling up to the party that I hit her. And I had an orthoscopic surgery on my knee about three days earlier. I should really do a spot for that. And the guy followed me out in the street and he kept talking and I kept telling him my knee was broken up and I just took the brace off. And literally I had stitches in my knee from where they did the orthoscopic surgery and I said I can't participate in any of this kind of fighting. My knee is banged up and this one guy, one big husky Mexican guy, he kept pushing. And then he said, I said, listen, I can't fight. My knee is messed up. And he said, I'm going to break your other knee. And I said, I was a little drunk.

1:16:06 Drew Imagine that.

1:16:06 Adam Yeah. And I said, I said, OK. And this is a huge mistake. I said, OK, there was like this one big dude and five of his friends. And I said, it's just me and you, right? Because you're going to kick my ass. You got no problem with me, right? You can break my other knee. So here's the deal. It's just me and you and your friends. You stay out of this. If you agree to that, fine. Said, oh, no problem. So we went out to the street. And me and this dude started fighting and I just started beating him up because I had been, I was like boxing, kickboxing and stuff. And I was just hitting this guy a lot. He wasn't hitting me. And eventually I whacked him and he sort of fell back into his group of friends and he wouldn't come back. And then the mistake started with the taunting. You. Yes, this was now me saying, hey, buddy, you wanted it. I ain't done. Come on. I thought you were going to break my other knee, you puss. Bring it on out. You begged me to come out here. Now I'm out here. Come on, pussy, get back because I ain't done with you. And about halfway into that time, a beer bottle broke on me. Now the guy threw it, but it still broke on me and it broke right on my shoulder. Didn't hurt it all. Didn't cut me. Didn't leave a scratch. Just boom, broke right on my shoulder, just like out of a movie. And then I felt a full swing from an aluminum baseball bat on my knee. Guy came up behind me and took a full swing, but he hit me on the good knee and he hit me behind the knee and he hit me about six inches above my knee joint, right in the sort of meaty part of my thigh. And all I did was sort of curtsy, but he took a full swing. It just got me in the best possible place. So they just broke the beer bottle on me and they just hit me with the thing. And then they all piled on me and hit me with something, like a big uppercut or something. And I had blood was coming out, my lip was split open. But I felt pretty good. The beer, this guy never hit me really, the guy I beat up. The bat didn't do too much, it just stung a little. And the beer bottle didn't even cut me. And the lip was just, it felt a little stinger on my lip. Now I was angry. So now I found the guy who hit me in the lip, who was like the Kung Fu guy of the group. It was great. It was like out of a movie. And me and this guy squared off for like a Kung Fu theater in the middle of the street. It was like 2 in the morning in Studio City somewhere. And we were just trading kicks and punches and all that kind of stuff for a long time. And eventually the cops showed up. But these guys were convinced I was a maniac. Because they're like they broke a bottle, they hit me at the bat, they took on the two tough guys. And when I was done, I was fine. I was like I wanted more. I had adrenaline pumping. I guess I was drunk. And my buddy Ray, who you now know, I was looking for the dude who hit me with the bat. Terry Mosier was his MF'er's name. Hit me with that bat. He knew my knee was bad. And he took a full swing from behind on my knee with a baseball bat. I mean, you could understand I want a little revenge on this guy who was supposed to be out of the picture while I went at it with his friend. I knew this dude was in the neighborhood. I was looking for him for months. And six months later, I was at a New Year's Eve party in a bathroom. This really sounds like I got a lot of testosterone making out with a chick in a bathroom.

1:19:29 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:19:29 Adam I don't know what was going on.

1:19:31 Drew Oh, man.

1:19:31 Adam Life was good back then. And I was really getting it on like in my friend. I'm Gad. I'm Gad Abu Zam Zam's bathroom. And there's a pounding on the door, just a violent pounding. And I said, hey, we're in here. Leave me alone. And it was Ray. Ray was outside the door. Bang, bang, bang. Ray. It's Ray. Let me in, man. He was like screaming at the top of his lungs. He was drunk. I said, Ray, leave me alone. I'm in the bathroom. And the girl's got her panties around her ankles and stuff. Oh, no. Let me in. You're going to see this, man. You're going to get out of here. I said, Ray, Ray, please. And he's like, get out, get out, get out here. All right. Pull the pants up. Get our ass together. Open the bathroom door. He's holding Terry Mosher. He found Terry Mosher was at the party. This is six months later. He's got this kid by the scruff of the neck. This guy's like 130 pounds and he's like shaking like he's like a, like a fawn, like when Bambi's mom got shot, you know, he's like, holy Christ. And I'm the maniac dude who took on all his friends and got hit with the bat and the bottle and stuff and wanted more. And this, and my friend Ray's 220 pounds. He's holding the guys by the back of the neck. And this guy's just like going insane. He's like wetting himself. And I was like drunk and had a boner. So I was like, yeah, get out of here. So Ray just like threw the guy back. It was like he pulled him out of a pond and threw him back. And then a year after that, the big Mexican dude moved into my apartment building. And I was standing out on the street selling my car when this dude was physically moving into the building. Van pulling up, unloading the furniture. I'm standing out there in a pair of shorts and Zorries. Hey, neighbor, how you doing? Moving into the building. Dude come. Dude. Now, by this point, he's 300 pounds, but it looks like he's been on steroids and in the gym. I'm going, man, it's a big mother f'ing Mexican dude's moving into the building. And the guy goes, I know you, man. And I go, yeah, would you play some Pop Warner football or something? He goes, no, no, we know each other. And I'm like, well, yeah, you don't look familiar to me, but yeah, if it comes to you, tell me. I don't know. Would you play Little League? Where'd you grow up? North holler? And I'm just standing out there and he's moving his stuff in and he goes, we fought, man. I'm like, huh? Remember? And I was like, oh, yeah. And it was funny because the guy was 100 pounds bigger than I am and it looks like he'd been doing nothing but pump on iron since the last time I saw him. But I kicked his ass last time I saw him. So I think he was like he started a little element of freak out. So he kind of left me alone.

1:21:56 Drew That's why he was working out ever since.

1:21:58 He kind of left me alone.

1:22:00 Adam Yeah. So who knew I'd run into everybody.

1:22:02 Drew That's a call.

1:22:03 Caller All right.

1:22:04 Adam There's even more to this.

1:22:05 Drew I just want to break the zen here. The mantra you're in.

1:22:10 Hi.

1:22:11 Drew What's up?

1:22:11 Adam Nineteen.

1:22:12 Caller Yes, I am.

1:22:13 Caller What's up?

1:22:15 Caller Actually, I have a friend who recently actually last semester about five months ago was diagnosed with it's not bipolar. It's the other one. I always forget what it's called.

1:22:27 Adam Borderline.

1:22:28 Caller Borderline. Yes, thank you.

1:22:30 Adam It says it on the screen.

1:22:32 Caller And she's been going to therapy. She's been in and out of the hospital several times and she cuts herself.

1:22:38 Drew Great.

1:22:39 Caller And she's actually in an outpatient therapy program right now and it hasn't started yet.

1:22:45 Drew A group program.

1:22:46 Caller I'm sorry?

1:22:46 Drew A group program, a hospital program.

1:22:48 Caller Yeah. It's like a study. She doesn't have to pay for it, which is good because her insurance ran out. Okay.

1:22:56 Drew What is your question?

1:22:57 Caller If there's anything like my friends and I can do to help her?

1:23:00 Drew No. This is a very serious, chronic psychiatric condition and you can be good friends and be available to her, but it's going to be a lot of chaos until things settle down.

1:23:10 Caller Okay.

1:23:11 Drew And you keep, you know, perhaps she'll have a tendency to go into drugs and alcohol, to get into chaotic relationships, maybe sexually act out and you sort of help her contain her behaviors maybe that might be useful.

1:23:22 Caller Okay. All right. Thank you.

1:23:24 Caller All right.

1:23:25 Adam What were you doing at 19, by the way? Well, I was rolling around the street with Mexican guys.

1:23:31 Drew I was depressed. Had my pants on my ankles too most of the time. Good times. Living in New England, studying my ass off.

1:23:40 Adam Same life.

1:23:43 Drew Didn't go outside much. All right. It's pathetic.

1:23:46 Adam Good times. We'll be back.

1:24:20 Caller Got to go high and close, yeah?

1:24:24 Adam Woo, good times, everybody. Same friends you hung out with, right, Drew?

1:24:31 Drew Yeah, all of these are like my friends, yes. Especially at 1920, when I was having such a good time.

1:24:35 Adam Yeah, Loveline. All right, let's hop back on the phones and speak to Jesse.

1:24:42 Drew What?

1:24:43 Adam 25, Jesse? Yeah. What's up?

1:24:46 Caller Hey guys, how's it going? Good. I'll be sure to listen to it every night on Mount Towing.

1:24:49 Caller Great.

1:24:51 Caller Towing?

1:24:52 Caller I'm a tow truck driver.

1:24:53 Adam Oh, you beast.

1:24:55 Drew Don't you guys listen to the radio when you're out?

1:24:57 Caller Huh?

1:24:57 Drew Don't you listen to the radio when you're out towing?

1:24:59 Caller Yeah, but I mean, I listen to you guys every time I'm out, you know, at the time.

1:25:03 Adam Let me ask you a quick towing question, Jesse. If you're pulling, now you tow commercial vehicles, or I mean, residential vehicles.

1:25:12 Caller Yeah, the regular cars and stuff, or we're also going to do a commercial, but yeah.

1:25:15 Adam Okay. If you, if someone called to tow a car.

1:25:19 Drew I know where you're going.

1:25:20 Adam Like, let's say the guy was illegally parked at some 7-Eleven or convenience store, and then he was at some nightclub across the street.

1:25:26 Drew Just making up a story.

1:25:27 Adam Yeah, and you went to tow the guy's car, and he ran out there right as you pulled up. How much palm greasing does it take for you to keep driving? What's he got to slip you?

1:25:37 Caller Oh, yeah. Wow.

1:25:41 Drew And who are you accountable to? Who are you accountable to? What's to prevent him?

1:25:44 Caller Well, the only person that I could actually listen to is the person that called it in. That would have to be a private property owner.

1:25:51 Drew You have to listen to him.

1:25:51 Caller I have to listen to the private property owner.

1:25:52 Drew You can't say, hey, the guy just drove away as I was driving.

1:25:55 Caller It would be up to the private property owner whether I actually take the car or not. If I'm like on the hook, if it's already on my hook, and the guy comes out, I actually, if it's already on the hook, I have to go.

1:26:08 Drew Why?

1:26:09 Caller That's just, it's the rule.

1:26:10 Adam Well, whose rule?

1:26:12 Caller The company.

1:26:14 Adam Your company.

1:26:14 Drew So, who's your job?

1:26:15 Caller I'm the boss of the company or else I get fired.

1:26:17 Adam Right. But I'm saying, what if the guy said, here's 50 bucks, put it down until your dispatcher was gone when you pulled up?

1:26:23 Caller Oh, man. You guys are really putting me on the spot.

1:26:25 Drew Well, that's the question. Is there some, Adam has this question.

1:26:28 Adam I want to know how much you bribe guys if this happens to me again.

1:26:33 Caller I don't know. 50 bucks would probably do it for me, but I'm desperate. Okay.

1:26:36 Drew It's 100 bucks for the guy that was hassling you.

1:26:40 Adam Jesse, I drove my BMW M3 right off of a tow truck, right off it.

1:26:46 Caller Was it a flatbed?

1:26:47 Adam No, not a flatbed. It was one of the kind that's the two prongs slipped under the rear tires.

1:26:53 Caller Just the regular wrecker kind?

1:26:54 Adam I unlashed it and drove right off it.

1:26:57 Caller How did you? Well, it wasn't moving, I hope.

1:27:00 Adam No, it was starting to move. I drove right off it, three feet in the air.

1:27:03 Caller Then that guy didn't really hook up very well.

1:27:05 Adam No, he hooked up. I unhooked him.

1:27:08 Drew You want to friend it, right?

1:27:09 Adam Yeah. That guy can kiss my hairy ass. Yeah. Good times. There you got your money, buddy.

1:27:18 Caller All right.

1:27:18 Adam So anyway.

1:27:19 Caller Anyway, my question is, I want to know if I'm an infomaniac. I mean, it's just with my wife. I don't want other women or anything like that, but I'm constantly asking for sex and wanting sex from her.

1:27:31 Drew How often is that constant?

1:27:32 Caller At least every night, very least.

1:27:34 Drew Is that sort of your rhythm, your biological rhythms? You need to do something every day?

1:27:38 Caller Yeah, at least.

1:27:40 Drew At least every day?

1:27:41 Caller At least every day.

1:27:42 Drew And it's always been that way?

1:27:45 Caller Ever since we've been going, we've been together since high school.

1:27:48 Drew Are you just, are you really into your wife?

1:27:50 Caller Yes, I am.

1:27:51 Drew Yeah.

1:27:51 Adam Wow.

1:27:52 Caller Am I just like a complete horndog or am I an infomaniac?

1:27:56 Drew No, no, no, you're neither. And your wife, what's sort of her rhythm?

1:28:00 Caller She is.

1:28:01 Adam Twice a year. She gets right to the other 300.

1:28:07 Caller She's getting to the point where I want to actually bugging her.

1:28:11 Drew Believe me, you know that Mars Vina show I do, this is a topic we talk about like every second show. The women, men, when they're into their wives, are more active this way. They're like at least three, four times a week. And women, it's once a week, it's plenty too much.

1:28:27 Adam Now is she, here's what's going to happen though. And this is a little problem now. And we'll see if we can address it. But as the years wear on, her, her graph will start going up and yours will start heading down and you guys will cross.

1:28:41 Drew Maybe.

1:28:42 Adam You'll probably be 34 when it crosses. But at some point it should cross. And what's the, what's up with like being crazy sexual for your wife? You're gonna be married for seven years. It's like twice a day every day. I mean, where's that?

1:28:55 Drew That's what you want.

1:28:57 Adam I know you want it, but who the hell could do that?

1:28:59 Caller I can't.

1:29:00 Drew I still, I still am like, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, yes, yes.

1:29:04 Adam You're passionate.

1:29:05 Yeah.

1:29:07 Adam Passionate man.

1:29:08 Caller I want to please her. I mean, I'm really into pleasing her and seeing the expressions on her face.

1:29:12 Adam Okay.

1:29:13 Drew But you're also, she really flips your cookie and that's sort of what you, it's an unhealthy thing in reality, but it's what you want in your relationship. It really, it sustains you.

1:29:22 Adam Oh, okay. All right. But here's the deal. Let's see if we, let's see if we can't trim that down.

1:29:28 Drew Well, that's the point. You need to compromise.

1:29:29 Adam You got a little too much energy.

1:29:31 Drew You need to compromise. You need to find other ways to sort of manage yourself and you need to sort of help. One of the hallmark, the sort of absolute rule you've got to hold with yourself is no begging, bugging, pushing, that kind of stuff. Nothing makes a woman push her away more.

1:29:46 Adam Drugging is fine, but no begging. But I, you know, let me make a suggestion and then we're moving on.

1:29:51 Drew I have one important that one.

1:29:53 Adam No, tomorrow night. No, here's the deal. You're driving a tow truck, you're 25. Why don't you take some extra energy and focus it into, into education, into a career, a different career. He obviously wants to do more than drive a tow truck. He's obviously an intelligent guy, can hear it in his voice. Jesse, take some of that energy and take an hour, extra hour a day and focus it into something to kind of tire you out and rechannel your energy.

1:30:23 Drew And let me just say, here's another thing that I've discovered from this MarsVena show is that women really don't accept how men are. They really don't understand. They do not get how much that biology operates. And you've got to sort of sit her down and help her say, this is, I'm not bugging you, I'm not a whore. This is just me. It's my biology. It's what I need to do. And she needs to sort of just get comfortable with that.

1:30:45 Adam You're a passionate, passionate man. Are you not, Drew?

1:30:48 Caller Still hot for your wife after 10 years of marriage, and kids, and dating, and being with her for how many years now?

1:30:55 Drew 18 years.

1:30:56 Adam 18 years? 17, 18 years. Still a crazy hard on for a wife, huh? I don't trust that. Not at all.

1:31:03 Drew But it's a good thing.

1:31:04 Adam Oh, it's good. Yeah, it's good. It's good. It's, you know, I mean, you know, heroin makes you feel good. I mean, people are high on heroin. No, it's good. I wish I had a drop of that. Stacey.

1:31:17 Caller Hello.

1:31:18 Adam You're 21. What's up? Yeah.

1:31:19 Caller Hi. OK. This is really complicated. But I've been with my boyfriend for like eight months. And the first couple of months that we started dating, OK, well, he's got a baby's mom and he's got a one year old daughter. And the first couple of months we started dating, he went over to her house every weekend because she's got this. She's like, I don't know what's wrong with her. But for some reason, she thinks that he can't spend time with his daughter alone, so they got to spend time together, like as a family, even though they're not together.

1:31:49 Drew Has the court ordered this?

1:31:51 Caller No. You sure?

1:31:52 Drew You sure? Huh?

1:31:55 Caller Yeah, I'm positive. I'm positive. This is just her way of thinking. So for the longest time, he'd go over there and he would cheat on me with her because the only way he could see his daughter.

1:32:08 Drew Oh, Stacey, please. You're believing this crap. OK, but I had to screw my wife because I don't like to see my daughter.

1:32:16 Caller Oh, my God, I know he's listening right now. So I'm sorry, but the only reason why I believe them is because I saw that my older sister had done with this with her baby's dad for the last five years because she was trying to get back with that guy. I know exactly what she wants. I know that his baby's mom wants to get back.

1:32:36 Drew Yeah, but that's what your sister was up to, too.

1:32:38 Caller Yeah, I know that.

1:32:39 Drew Yeah, well, did that man, her ex-husband have a girlfriend that he was cheating on with his ex-wife?

1:32:45 Caller Yes.

1:32:48 Drew It's a screwed up situation.

1:32:50 Caller But my question is, he hasn't been cheating on me because I mean, I've talked to her and she said nothing happened or whatever, whatever since the last incident was, that was a long time ago. The thing is that he continues having to go over there and like go to her house and sometimes she'll just be like, okay, well, I'm going out. Come, come watch my daughter.

1:33:16 Adam All right.

1:33:17 Drew What's your question?

1:33:17 Caller My question is, why won't he go get visitation? I mean, I've talked to him about it and he just won't do it.

1:33:24 Drew Well, there you go.

1:33:26 Adam Stacey, what are you 400 pounds and missing a leg? You can't just go find some regular guy who's like single. He'll treat you decently.

1:33:35 Caller No.

1:33:36 Adam Are you that effed up? Are you that flawed? What's wrong with you?

1:33:39 Drew Do you feel that bad about yourself that you put up with this crap?

1:33:42 Caller No, it's that he wants to.

1:33:44 Drew Stacey?

1:33:45 Caller Because I bet he's on his way over here right now listening.

1:33:47 Drew Stacey?

1:33:48 Caller What?

1:33:49 Drew A person who feels good about themselves wouldn't put up with this crap. They would insist.

1:33:53 Caller I know he cares about me.

1:33:54 Drew Stacey? They would insist. Well, then he's got to behave accordingly.

1:33:59 Adam Listen, Jesus loves you too. Is he banging his axe?

1:34:03 Caller He hasn't. He hasn't for the longest time, no.

1:34:06 Drew He's not being respectful. Your feeling is not doing what's necessary to create structure.

1:34:10 Adam After he got popped for doing that, he's got balls the size of Montana going over there and hanging out again. And he knows you'll put up with it. And I don't know what's wrong with you, Stacey, but you're 21. Come on. Do you really want to get saddled? Who cares? You want to get saddled with all this crap at 21? No, it's just... All right. Good. No.

1:34:33 Drew Then don't.

1:34:33 Adam Then don't.

1:34:34 Drew Exactly.

1:34:35 Adam Here's my new plan. When I start asking people, do you want to stay with the guys abusive? Do you want to get pregnant? When they go, no, I hang up before the butt. And then we technically went out with no.

1:34:46 Drew That's good.

1:34:47 Adam We'll be back. Well, there you go. Another fantastic Loveline in the can. I want to thank my parents and Jesus Christ.

1:35:34 Drew So we're going to do listener, some listener Loveline is coming up.

1:35:37 Adam Yeah. Let's not promote that yet.

1:35:39 Drew Just if you're going to be for a few weeks. Well, Anne asked me to just mention if you'd like to talk to Anne Wilkins, Anne Engel at the K-Rock in Los Angeles at 818-567-1067. And be an in-studio guest. We're going to talk about Raze. We'll have been to a bunch of Raze. We're interested in learning about that. So, give her a call.

1:35:54 Adam What's her name?

1:35:55 Drew Anne Engel, Anne Wilkins.

1:35:57 Adam Same check?

1:35:58 Drew Anne Engel, Wilkins, Engel. Same check. You're produced.

1:36:02 Adam Glad there's a lot of clarification. So, until next time, is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo? I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

1:36:10 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Anne Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, March 20, 2001