Episode 1000754886950

1:01 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, coast to coast.

1:13 Hey, this is Loveline.

1:15 Drew I'm Adam Corolla. This is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-8-5-4-44-55. Dr. Drew, Port Certified Physician, takes matters into his bed.

1:25 Adam Now, we'd like to know why you're dressed like somebody that flies aircraft for United Airlines.

1:31 Drew First Years is the show we're talking about tonight. Wednesday night, it's 9 o'clock, NBC, everybody.

1:36 Adam Many days, it chimes off, spouts out with, oh yeah, I just got back from the airport, that's why I'm dressed like this. No S?

1:41 Drew Yeah.

1:42 Adam Okay, so.

1:43 Drew Debut March 19th, doing real well. I just got back from the airport because I was doing a little man show, Drunken Pilots bit, and we actually got drunk, so I'm a little disoriented and a little disheveled and we were sprinting all the way. I actually just climbed off a baggage carousel. I don't know if any of you, you know, I know a lot of you have dreamed about riding on a baggage carousel as a youth, not what it was built up to be. Uncomfortable, scary, and slippery, yeah, yeah. Samantha Mathis, Ken Marino, our old friend and James Roday are all here from First Years. I apologize that I'm late, a little bit frazzled tonight, but I actually just passed your billboard on the side of a bus. How's it going? Is the show going well? Yeah, beautiful.

2:37 Guest I put it this way, you know, besides the terrible reviews and the awful, awful ratings, I think we got a hit show on our hands. Oh, really?

2:43 Guest Yeah, we're very optimistic.

2:47 Guest Our goal is to be the next truly great show that started with horrible reviews and terrible ratings.

2:53 Which apparently there are many that did, Friends, Terrible Reviews when it first started, The phrase, what was it?

2:58 Guest Seinfeld.

2:59 Seinfeld. No one watched it for years apparently.

3:02 Drew They didn't like Hello Larry when it first came out.

3:05 Guest Hello Larry. You talked about, I'm sorry.

3:07 Drew That's right. Yeah, now, Drew, did you see the show?

3:11 Adam They canceled my mother in the car.

3:13 Drew That's right.

3:14 Adam No, I saw a trailer of the show. And it was good.

3:15 Drew Listen, everyone is good-looking. You serve subpoenas, the guys who have heart attacks, right?

3:21 Adam You pretend you have a heart attack.

3:22 Drew You pretend you have a heart attack and serve a subpoena, right? This guy.

3:25 Guest That's right.

3:26 Drew That's going to work. And we're glad to see our old friend, Ken, popping up because we haven't seen Ken since Men Behaving Badly.

3:34 Adam That's right.

3:35 Drew Is that the last time we saw you?

3:37 Guest Well, I saw you at some party somewhere, but outside of that, the last time we saw the we, the viewers of Loveline?

3:43 Drew We, the viewers, yes.

3:46 Guest Yeah, Men Behaving Badly.

3:47 Drew Is that it?

3:48 Guest Yeah.

3:48 Guest Good. Still numb from that.

3:51 Guest Still hurting.

3:52 Drew Yeah. You know, Rob Schneider, here's an amazing A-hole, but he's nice to us.

3:59 Adam We have a great time with him.

4:00 Drew Yeah, we have a great time with the guy, but everyone else tells me he's an amazing, amazing A-hole.

4:04 Guest I never met him.

4:07 Drew All right. So anyway, first year's NBC, nine o'clock Monday nights. We'll take some calls and talk more about that after this. Matt?

4:16 Yes.

4:17 Drew Year 20?

4:18 Yes, sir.

4:18 Drew What is up?

4:20 Well, first of all, Dr. Drew and Adam, I really love your show. Fantastic. I have what really can, I don't know, I can only best describe as the kink near the base of my penis. It's something that is not really, it's not noticeable at all when it's flaccid. But when the penis is erect, I mean, it just basically on one side dips in a little bit. And I'm just wondering, Dr. Drew, does it pull over to that side? Yeah, it does.

4:52 Adam That's basically sort of possibly a Peyronie's problem.

4:56 Drew It's near the base though, huh?

4:58 Adam Yeah, those plaques can occur anyway. You try about 800 units of vitamin E a day, see if that works.

5:02 Drew That's not gonna do anything. When did vitamins ever do anything? You know, everyone always talks about vitamins that never do anything.

5:08 Adam This is one situation where it possibly does.

5:10 Drew You rub it on or you eat it?

5:12 Adam No, you eat it.

5:13 So it is something that's correctable maybe?

5:16 Adam Maybe, and there are surgeries that can correct it, but sort of how they correct it is by taking a pie slice out of the other side and pulling the penis around.

5:22 Guest Probably want to avoid the surgery.

5:24 Yeah, that doesn't sound too low. Too much fun.

5:26 Drew Matt, did you ever injure yourself?

5:29 Not that I know of.

5:30 Drew So this is just the way God has cursed you essentially, is that what you're saying?

5:34 Yeah, I don't know. I always wore briefs for the longest time and always parked it on the right-hand side. I don't know if that would...

5:41 Adam Finally kinked it.

5:42 Drew And it pulls to that side when you have an erection.

5:45 I got a little English on the old dork there. To the right.

5:49 Drew You find yourself a nice Republican girl, you have no problems, all right? Good times.

5:54 Adam Is dork okay or do we have to go out of Peckeroo and you're like...

5:57 Drew Peckeroo-ski. Listen, many guys have a bent penis. Am I right? Would you guys back me up on that?

6:04 Guest I've heard that some men have bent penises, yes.

6:06 Drew And women are sort of okay with that? Yeah. They love men for who they are, not what direction their penis is going.

6:13 Adam How much uglier...

6:14 Guest A man is more than just his penis.

6:15 Adam How much uglier can we make the male genitalia? You know what I'm saying?

6:18 Drew Right, right. Brody? Yeah. You're 21? Yeah. Yeah. True. Why are we talking to two guys at the beginning? Didn't we talk about that last night?

6:28 Adam Because we only have one girl.

6:30 Guest Is that bad programming?

6:31 Drew Yep. Brody?

6:33 Adam Yeah.

6:33 Drew What's going on?

6:35 Guest I've been going out with this girl for two years, and I really love her, but she has a facial hair problem.

6:44 Drew How old is she?

6:47 Guest I don't know how to approach her or if there's anything to do about it or anything.

6:50 Adam There is a new medicine now, a new cream.

6:52 Guest There is a new cream. I've seen the answer to that.

6:54 Adam It actually gets rid of it. It's very effective, and I'm blanking on the name of it right now.

7:00 Guest Vinkwa?

7:02 Adam Vinkwa.

7:03 Guest Vinkwa.

7:04 Adam Vinkwa. Vanica. V-A-N-I-Q-A, I think it is.

7:07 Drew Right.

7:08 Guest Is that one of those commercials that you don't know what it's about and it just Yeah, and then they give you all the weird side effects.

7:14 Adam They're surfing on wheat and they're there. But, yeah, it's a prescription. You didn't talk to your doctor about it, but it's quite effective.

7:22 Drew Is it topical?

7:23 Yeah, it's a cream.

7:24 Drew What is that a prescription? What are you going to do with that? You start eating it, you're going to just put it directly into your eye sockets, up your anus. What's the danger of putting something like that over the counter? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Oh, I got hold of this depilatory. I'm going to go on a rampage now.

7:41 Guest You can't come back sicker?

7:43 Adam No. No, this is a brand new medication that's for women with the facial hair, particularly the lighter facial hair, which is hard to get with the laser. Also, she can get laser treatments, but you can just playfully bring it up. How would a guy bring it up to you?

7:55 Guest I don't know.

7:55 Guest I mean, I can see where you want to be sensitive to the situation. I think if you just do it in a loving way and come at it from a really sweet place and say, you know, baby, I love you and I think you're beautiful. And, you know, I read about this new thing in a magazine that takes care of facial hair. What do you think?

8:14 Guest Don't start braiding it, though.

8:16 Guest I don't know. I haven't said it in two years. It's kind of hard to.

8:20 Drew Well, where where's it coming out of? Is it mustache?

8:23 Adam Oh, it's down here.

8:24 Guest Kind of like a beard underneath.

8:26 Guest Oh, yeah.

8:27 Drew Bad times.

8:28 Adam But Brody, you're the one that's going to have to bring this up. We can't do it for you.

8:32 Drew And what is it with chicks who don't notice stuff?

8:35 Guest Yeah, that's my question. You know, are we honestly supposed to believe that this girl doesn't know she has a beard?

8:41 Drew That's my point. I get a zit on my ass. I wake up in the middle of the night. I felt that. I got to go check it out. You know, I don't like things get past me.

8:50 Adam You got the whole experience.

8:51 Drew Yeah. You know, there's people are walking around and they got like they got a mole with four long hairs, that Chinaman's beard kind of thing. And it's grown. It's like five inches and it's grown. And you're thinking you're sitting next to them on a bus or something. You're looking at them and you go, do they know or do they know and not care or are they high? Like, what is it? Like, how come I see it? I'm eight feet away from the person and I've been drawn to it like a magnet. How come they don't see that? Why don't they understand that? Is that a certain out of it-ness? Or is it a certain kind of crazy?

9:24 Guest A new trend or something, you know, for the young kids.

9:25 Guest It's going to be a little different for the kids.

9:27 Drew Yeah, and the women who bleach their thick mustaches, I can see a blonde mustache. I, Nick Nolte, Robert Redford, all guys with blonde mustaches knew they had mustaches. It wasn't like I would see right through them. It's like, hey, look at Robert Redford. Look at Nick Nolte in the deep there. He's got himself a mustache. I mean, you can see a blonde mustache, can't you?

9:49 Guest Yes.

9:49 Drew It just looks like a blonde.

9:51 Guest Most women, I'm sure they don't want to get into shaving their mustache because then they might actually curl on their face.

9:55 Adam Laser wax it off.

9:56 Guest Laser wax it off.

9:58 Guest I'm particularly impressed that you went straight to the deep. I think that's pretty solid.

10:01 Drew Right to the deep, yeah. It's like when I see a chick with that bleach mustache, I'm like, well, there's a chick with black hair and a blonde mustache.

10:10 Guest I want to-

10:12 Drew They need to wax.

10:13 Adam They need to bleach or bleach their head hair, too.

10:17 Drew Or bleach the head hair to match the mustache. Thank you.

10:20 Guest Did we-

10:21 Guest Did we address this guy as you saw here?

10:22 Guest Did we address how you do it nicely?

10:25 Drew There's no way. It's just a full frontal. He's going to have to get drunk and bring it up.

10:31 Guest But do it with love. Do it with sweetness and kindness in your heart.

10:33 Guest With any look, she'll realize that you really do care about her and that that's why you're saying it.

10:37 Guest Exactly.

10:38 Drew Right. Heather?

10:39 Yeah.

10:40 Drew You're 16?

10:41 Caller Yep.

10:42 Drew What's up?

10:44 Caller I have a friend and we've known each other for like a couple of years and we haven't done anything together. But he hurts me like sometimes. And I was just wondering if it could be considered like abuse. And if so, what should I do?

10:59 Adam How would it not be abuse?

11:01 Guest How is he hurting you?

11:03 Caller Well, like he would say that we were doing it while we were joking around, like, let's see, one time we were sitting in my garage and he was starting to scare me. And so like I was, I got up to go in the house and he grabbed the hammer and he hit me on the knee with the hammer. And it didn't really hurt at first, but I mean.

11:22 Adam How old is he?

11:23 Caller He's 16.

11:23 Adam Why didn't you immediately get rid of this guy?

11:26 Caller Cause I was scared of him. Yeah.

11:28 Adam Yeah. Well the next day I want to get rid of him. Why, why, why do you, why is he your boyfriend?

11:33 Caller He's not my boyfriend. He's just a friend.

11:34 Adam Or even a friend. Why do you just not hang out with this guy?

11:37 Caller Well, he lives in my neighborhood and he went to my school. And I live with my grandparents because I was abandoned. And, and I don't know.

11:47 Drew All right. You're abandoned.

11:49 Adam You're abandoned. You don't know anything but being a victim.

11:53 Caller Yeah.

11:53 Well, yeah.

11:54 Drew And the live in the neighborhood thing, who, you know, you know who lives in my neighborhood?

11:59 Caller Who?

11:59 Drew I don't know. That's my point. I don't talk to any of those assholes.

12:04 Caller Yeah.

12:04 Drew I have no idea who lives around me. And I'm sure they could care less and I could care less, too. It's real easy. I don't see my neighbor. You can not see people live in your neighborhood. It's easy. Just avoid them.

12:15 Guest Yeah. Honey, you can't be hanging out with somebody who's hitting you with a hammer and God only knows what he'll do. If you actually provoke him and make him angry, you know, that's just not what's going on.

12:26 Caller He was angry.

12:27 Adam All right, Heather. Listen, you were abandoned, right? Were you abused subsequently also?

12:32 Caller I don't know.

12:32 Adam Maybe.

12:33 Caller Probably.

12:34 Adam Yeah. You think you might have been abused also. So you're a victim. You have difficulty seeing when people are taking advantage of you, when people are being awful towards you. Let's just give you permission to get rid of this guy, OK?

12:45 Caller OK. But he was so sweet all the time.

12:47 Guest Yeah. It doesn't matter, though.

12:49 Adam Ted Bundy.

12:49 Guest He's not sweet all the time.

12:50 Adam You met Ted Bundy. You hung out with him. I mean, when the signs were there.

12:53 Drew Good looking guy. Very cordial.

12:55 Guest Plenty of good guys out there that aren't going to hurt you. Plenty of lovely good guys. Yeah.

13:00 Drew And listen, being abusive one percent of the time trumps being great 99 percent of the time. And so many people go, well, the other half of the time, he's a real angel. And the half of the time, he's not being abusive or he's not being a prick. But just 10 percent abusive really will take care of 90 percent of being the greatest guy in the world.

13:21 Adam There's almost no humans that are awful all the time.

13:26 Drew No, no, no.

13:26 Adam They're awful.

13:27 Drew Listen, whenever they interview the neighbors of the serial killers, like, hey, it was a great guy. He used to send my kids over there. I thought he was... Of course. Otherwise, the jig's up. The whole part about being a prick is not letting everyone around you know you're a prick. That... Or you cannot continue being a prick. Do you see what I mean?

13:44 Adam That's the problem you're getting into now. Everyone's starting to find out.

13:47 Drew Everyone's... Right. That's right.

13:50 Guest The jig is up.

13:52 Drew But the thing is, is if you're going to be abusive, especially you can't come across as an a-hole because how are you going to get people close enough to abuse them? You got to suck people in. You have to manipulate them and then the abuse.

14:07 Guest And then you can wreak your terror. Yes. Yes. But I don't care what you did or made him angry. There's never any excuse for hitting. Not with a hammer, no.

14:18 Drew Zach?

14:19 Yeah?

14:20 Drew You're 24? Yes. What's up?

14:23 Caller I want to know, I guess my real question is have you guys ever heard of anyone having a relationship with a stripper where it worked out?

14:32 Adam Adam had one.

14:33 Drew Yeah, I did. It worked out great. She's married and living in England. We lived happily ever after. That's a great example, Drew.

14:42 Caller Thanks. Is she with an old guy now or what?

14:46 Drew I don't know. I think he's about her age.

14:50 Adam What's your situation?

14:52 Caller I'm dating this stripper. We've been going out for like two years, almost two years. Next weekend is two years. I work two jobs. I mean, they're not great jobs, but I make money. All my money goes to our relationship. All her money supposedly goes to her savings and her vacations, and I don't know, it's driving me crazy now. I go to pick her up from her.

15:19 Drew Hey, hold on.

15:20 Guest It doesn't seem very stripper specific if it's about the money.

15:24 Drew What do you mean all your money goes toward the relationship?

15:27 Caller Well, I mean, she makes twice as much as I do in a week.

15:30 Drew Feed the kitty.

15:31 Caller I pay the rent.

15:32 Drew Hey, baby, you want to play around the world? You want to lick some whipped cream off my ass? Ten bucks. Well, what do you mean?

15:38 Guest You pay the rent?

15:40 Caller I pay the rent. I pay for everything. I pay every utility we have. I buy all the food.

15:44 Adam Well, why don't you stop?

15:46 Drew Why don't you tell her to kick in?

15:48 Caller I do.

15:49 Drew And what does she do?

15:51 Caller She'll take me to Vegas and stuff, but...

15:53 Drew Sure. Big convention in town. Where are you working now? The ice rink? What's going on back there?

16:00 Caller No, I'm a warehouse supervisor in two different jobs.

16:03 Drew I see. And how much is she bringing home every night?

16:07 Caller Every night? Probably at least three bills.

16:11 Drew Nice. And it's under the table. Is she working at a topless or bottomless?

16:16 Caller No, it's just topless.

16:17 Drew All right. Okay.

16:19 Guest How old is she?

16:20 Caller She's 22.

16:22 Drew You think she's using you?

16:24 Caller I don't think she's using me, but I like, I want to go somewhere eventually. I've been with her two years.

16:29 Adam What do you mean by go somewhere? What does that mean?

16:32 Caller I don't know. Sometimes I'll pick her up from work. Sometimes we have parties at our house and it's like guys and girls and it's never, it's just not normal.

16:43 Guest What do you mean guys and girls and it's not normal?

16:45 Guest You're saying you have parties with both men and women?

16:47 Drew Finally, Christ. I don't know if we can handle this call. We have parties with guys and girls.

16:56 Caller Oh my God.

16:57 Drew We got to call the, isn't it, isn't it?

16:59 Adam I've got a number. Do we have to report it?

17:01 Drew Yes, we have to report it.

17:03 Adam Social services.

17:04 Drew Yes, is it mandated by the Hippocratic oath if you call the social service at this point?

17:08 Adam Or the California state law?

17:09 Drew I mean, I can see guys and guys and girls and girls and then a party that has guys, guys and guys and girls, girls and girls, but guys and girls.

17:18 Guest You could have guys come over and then at a certain hour they can go and then the girls can come over.

17:22 Drew After the place is flushed.

17:25 Guest Clean it. There are ways you have to work it.

17:27 Drew You sweep the place and make sure there's no girls left before the round of guys come in. Sure, you don't want to contaminate whatever girls come in.

17:33 Guest I don't understand what's going on with this guy.

17:35 Drew All right, Zach. I didn't know there were guys and girls at the place.

17:39 Caller Every time the guys are there, all they talk about is you, Adam.

17:42 Drew Oh, really?

17:42 Caller All right.

17:43 Drew Well, now you're my hero. I'm done making fun of you. Okay, so listen, why don't you just tell her what you want? I mean, stop paying for everything.

17:50 Caller I have, and then she'll bring a friend over and it gets all crazy.

17:53 Drew Oh, you're full of crap now. You're not doing anything, you idiot.

17:58 Guest What? I didn't get that. Is he trying to say that there's some things happening to two girls at the same time and he's confused?

18:03 Drew He's just full of crap. No, no, no. He says she brings a friend over and it gets all crazy.

18:09 Adam He's just a stripper friend.

18:10 Drew You were checking your page or you didn't hear anything, Zach.

18:13 Caller Yeah.

18:14 Drew You don't have threesomes with her and her stripper friends.

18:16 Caller Okay. Okay, I don't.

18:18 Drew I know you don't.

18:19 Guest Are you disturbed by the fact that she's a stripper or that she's not paying any of the bills?

18:23 Caller Yes.

18:24 Guest Yes, we are.

18:24 Caller I just want to know if you've heard of anywhere where she changes in the end.

18:28 Adam Is it just that you're in love with some stripper somewhere and you want to know if you have an relationship with her?

18:32 Drew It could happen. Did you see that movie Pretty Woman?

18:36 Caller No.

18:37 Drew Julia Roberts was a whore.

18:39 Caller I know the movie but I don't like it. I've never seen it.

18:41 Drew Well, yeah, but she was a prostitute, right? But she had a heart of gold.

18:45 Guest Zach, let me ask you, does she have any aspirations? I mean, is she a stripper?

18:50 Guest Wait, wait, Zach.

18:51 Adam Zach, wait a second.

18:52 Drew Yeah?

18:53 Adam What's up with you?

18:53 Drew Hold on a second. Oh, screw Zach. Zach's...

18:56 Adam Poor guy.

18:57 Drew Hold on. No, but I don't know.

18:58 Guest He's being like he's being a martyr. And then the next thing he's saying is, oh, she's confusing me by bringing us other girls. No, no, he doesn't.

19:03 Adam He doesn't have a girlfriend. It was all BS. Yeah, that's what you guys missed. And he's in love with some stripper somewhere and he wants to know whether you should go for it.

19:10 No, he didn't say that.

19:11 Adam I said that. He went, yeah, yeah, that's what it is.

19:13 Drew Really?

19:13 Adam That's what I said. I don't know.

19:15 Drew Drew, I'm drunk. You're looking at your pager. I don't know where we are in this show. What's going on?

19:20 Guest You're still wearing a tie.

19:22 Drew I'm still wearing a tie.

19:23 Guest How is he just in love with some stripper and paying her rent?

19:26 Adam He just wants to know if a relationship can work with a stripper.

19:29 Drew You say he's not having a relationship with her?

19:31 Guest He's not paying her rent?

19:33 Guest So cryptic.

19:34 Drew All right. One more time with Zach. We're going to edit this out later.

19:37 Caller Okay. Just let me say something for once.

19:40 Adam All right.

19:40 Caller You guys are clicking me off the air. Sorry, I'm not a 14-year-old girl and you're all way off.

19:46 Adam Okay. So what's the deal?

19:48 Caller Never mind. I mean, I just...

19:50 Adam All right.

19:50 Drew Do you need to talk to Zach anymore, you idiot, Drew? He's finding time in his busy schedule to talk to us, to call our radio show. He's so full of... He's got the worst attitude I've ever heard in my life. Do we really have to get back to him? And by the way, what do you think Zach's strategy is? What is that strategy? Call up and act annoyed with the host for calling? Do you know what I mean? Do we call your loser ass, Zach, or did you call our loser asses? He's plural, right? Jesus Christ. Have fun, buddy. Have a good time with your crazy silicone bitch. Juan.

20:29 Oh, snap.

20:31 Drew Is it true? I'm more mad at Drew than I'm at Zach. He's like, no, he's got something to say. No, I told you he was an idiot. What's up there, Juan?

20:40 Alright, this is what's up.

20:41 I'm 20 years old. I am engaged. I know it's kind of early for that, but I thought I'm ready. Um, I've been really had a few problems with my girlfriend in the sense that she's been... she lied to me, called her out there. Things have been made up. Lines have been drawn in terms and, you know, it seemed like she accepted that...

21:00 Drew The chaise have been laid out?

21:02 Yeah, basically.

21:03 Adam She's been accepted and she's signed a contract?

21:05 Yeah, the contract is this side. The deed is, you know, in my hand now. Um, the problem is though, it's just like now, I don't know if I'm more living in the past than when she screwed up. It's like, cause every time she says something like, you know, oh, I'm going to go do this, or I'm going home to go to sleep.

21:21 Adam Juan, Juan, you are nowhere near ready to get married.

21:25 Caller No, you're...

21:26 Adam I mean, nowhere near.

21:28 Drew You're three to five weeks away from marriage, buddy. If you're thinking about getting married this week, you are way, way off, brother.

21:35 Adam Juan, hang on one second, Juan, hang on one second, Juan. Adam, do not come drunk to work ever again, Juan. Do you understand me?

21:41 Drew It's too late, buddy.

21:43 Adam Just don't do it again, all right?

21:44 Drew I'm getting the shakes now. I need a nip. I swear to Christ, I had a flask on me. Hey, Juan, how old is she? She's 20.

21:53 Adam No, Juan, you're not ready. You're not even close. This is why people at 20 shouldn't get married. They mistreat each other. They're really not ready for a stable relationship.

22:01 Caller I backed off of the actual subject of marriage. You know, granted, we kept the engaged title like that, but I realized, you know, I'm moving way too fast. And I've come to terms with that. It's whether or not I should continue the relationship in a sense of, I mean, I have really deep feelings for her and that I don't deny. But it just seems like, you know, well, okay, if I have this mistrust in my head, you know, or is she lying to me or is she not lying to me? I don't know. And I don't want to just cut the relationship off because maybe she's changed.

22:28 Adam Well, you're going to force her to cheat if she hasn't already.

22:31 Caller Right.

22:32 Drew Well, listen, you're 20, she's 20, this thing ain't going six months. Why don't you just not make any decisions right now. Definitely don't get married and just hang out.

22:42 Adam We're engaged.

22:42 Drew And see what you can learn about it. Well, put the marriage date off.

22:47 Caller Oh yeah. We were first talking about it and we decided, you know, well, we could wait. I mean, if we really want to do this, we have the rest of our lives.

22:54 Drew Okay. There you go. So take your time. Right.

22:56 Adam Like about 10 years.

22:58 Drew All right. I don't want to cut them off. But is there anything we're really going to answer for them other than just sort of hang in?

23:05 Adam No.

23:05 Drew See where it goes. There's an energy that guys have at 20 that they don't have at 30 and that they owe at 35. They have negative energy. You guys remember when you were like 20, 21 and it was like, let me see that yearbook. Who is that dude? Who's Mr. Ruffle collar there? Hey, Mr. Boutonniere, what is this, the prom? I kicked that pussy's ass.

23:32 You talked to that dude?

23:33 Drew You slept with him, didn't you?

23:34 You little whore.

23:35 Drew You slept with him that night. So what? You want to have them for three years? Don't worry about me. Don't worry. I got laid in high school. You slept with that dude at the prom, didn't you? I know you did. You remember that energy you used to have?

23:47 Adam Oh, honey, are you going to have your friends tonight? No, no, you're not.

23:49 Drew Yeah. Now you come home, the gardener's on top of your wife, step right over, right? Honey, block of the set. Juan, move your ass. Block of the set. Juan, just use your name. You know what I'm saying? You can't get married when you have that energy.

24:04 Adam You shouldn't.

24:04 Drew That energy, forget it.

24:06 Guest You can't be in a relationship.

24:08 Adam Young males have that.

24:09 Drew You're like Sid and Nancy at that age. You think that's romantic, too, but it's not. It ain't.

24:14 Guest It's not. It's just that.

24:15 Drew It's romantic about ten minutes out of the year. The rest is just all fighting. You got to get that out of you. You have to bleed a little testosterone off you.

24:23 Adam Even sort of hemorrhaging.

24:25 Drew You got to cut that testosterone artery. All right, first year. Samantha is here tonight. Ken and James, all from the show. We'll take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Rachel. Rachel is 18, often has lesbian dreams. Find out what that's about after this. Nine o'clock, NBC. And when we left off, we're going to speak to Rachel. Rachel has lesbian dreams. Rachel, join the club. You're 18. Yeah, you think that may mean you're lesbian?

25:02 Caller I don't know. That's what I'm wondering. Because I don't think I am, but I don't think it's normal to have these kind of dreams, is it?

25:09 Guest It's completely normal.

25:11 Is it really?

25:11 Caller Because, I mean, within the last couple of months, I've had at least 10 of them.

25:15 And they're really graphic, too.

25:16 Drew Nice. And are these with people you know?

25:22 Like once or twice. It has been, but other times, like I've had one with like Britney Spears and like Alyssa Milano.

25:27 Drew Slow down, slow down. Yeah.

25:32 Caller But other times, most time it's like people who I don't know who it is.

25:37 Drew I see. And do you think, I mean, I guess the obvious answer is you see these women all over the place.

25:44 Adam And really it shows it gets into their psyches, doesn't it?

25:46 Drew This is society's idea of sexuality. And you're going to fall prey to that, too, being a member of society. I mean, whether you have a penis or a vagina, you know?

25:58 Caller So that's it?

25:59 Drew Yeah.

26:00 Adam If you're not attracted to women when you're awake, then that's, you know, not an idea.

26:04 Drew Are you attracted to women when you're awake?

26:06 Caller On occasion, but I've never done anything about it, you know? And like, I normally like guys, so I mean, I don't know.

26:13 Guest You're going to have a lot of fun in college, Rachel. You're going to have a lot of fun in college.

26:18 Drew Hey, you're 18. You haven't done anything yet. I mean, if you do, you do.

26:23 Caller Okay.

26:24 Drew Do you have any friends that you're into?

26:29 Caller I've had friends who I've been like attracted to, but since they're friends, I think it'd be kind of weird to actually do anything about it.

26:34 Adam Female friends.

26:35 Caller Right.

26:36 Mm-hmm.

26:37 Drew The plot thickens. Well, maybe this is in your future. Do you have anything, any of the normal chaos driving you that direction?

26:48 Like abuse or anything like that?

26:50 Drew Yeah.

26:50 Caller No, no, nothing like that.

26:52 Drew Okay. No babysitter chick got hold of you when you were nine or anything like that?

26:56 Caller No.

26:57 All right.

26:58 Drew All right. Well, just see where it goes.

27:00 Guest I would recommend going away to school so that you could really get to the bottom of this.

27:04 Caller Okay.

27:05 Drew All right, Rachel. Don't freak out too much about it.

27:08 Caller Okay.

27:09 Drew Right?

27:10 All right.

27:10 Caller Thanks.

27:10 Drew Wherever you go, it's fine. What do you think your parents will do if you're a lesbian?

27:15 Um, you know, I probably wouldn't tell them if I was. I don't think I am because I do like guys.

27:20 Drew Right. Okay. All right. When women get. Let me float this theory. Some women are more sexual than others. And when women get really sexual, they're sort of into everything. You know what I mean? I mean, they like guys and they can kind of appreciate women on a sexual level too. And they're not lesbians, but there's a handful of women that they think are really hot and wouldn't have a problem being with. You know, like when guys get really sexual, most of the time it's like they just want to screw as many women as they can screw. But when women get really sexual, and that's sort of top 10% of sexual, they're sort of, they'll go with the wind a little bit. They're kind of like, I don't know, David Bowie or something.

28:07 Guest Well, there's less of a stigma involved in women fooling around, I suppose, with women, than in men fooling around with men.

28:12 Adam We've talked about this. It's more than a stigma though, because Adam wishes he was gay.

28:17 Drew Oh, yeah. Ken, we'd pair up, we'd be playing softball all day.

28:22 Guest Video games, Nintendo 64.

28:24 Adam And he can't make himself be gay. There's like some sort of biological, it's not a...

28:28 Drew Oh, God, Lord knows I've tried. Oh, jeez, I have tried. I've broken my ass trying to be gay. I really have busted my ass.

28:38 Adam And yet, still, as you come into that transition in the porn section...

28:42 Drew They're still horrified. Horrified.

28:43 Guest No, you can't watch the videos with all the penises.

28:45 Drew No, I can't even see the boxes.

28:47 Guest No, they're uncomfortable. They're terrible to look at.

28:49 Guest But if I can look at them for five, ten minutes and I've got a physical reaction, they're like, oh, my God.

28:53 Guest Really? Like, almost vomiting or...

28:57 Drew No, any guy, most straight, all straight guys, all truly straight guys will have like a almost visceral violent negative reaction to seeing gay porn or depictions of gay porn. Like, if you're ever in a gay, no, if you're ever in an adult bookstore and you're walking down the aisle, and I always start in the big boob section. Sure. And I work my way around, but that's kind of, you know, that's my beginning point. And then when I come back around to the big boob, that's how I know I've made a lap.

29:26 Guest That's a great system.

29:27 Drew And I allow myself 15 laps, and then it's time to leave. That's how I know.

29:32 Guest Stretch out after we've stretched out before.

29:33 Drew But, you know, you'll start walking, and you get that sort of tunnel vision where you're just walking, you're looking in each magazine as you move your way along the row, and you'll go, and you'll get to the gay section, but you don't know you're in the gay section, and you're like, hey, look at that dude. He's really working that. There's two dudes over there. Is it one chick's getting it in the, oh, oh, oh, oh.

30:00 Caller Oh, oh, oh.

30:04 Drew Yeah, then you start freaking. It's like, oh, no. And then you do that like Curly from the Three Stooges thing where you wipe your face, and you go, no, no, no, no. Yeah, but it's like really, it's scary and repulsive to guys. Women don't have that. No, women will see a beautiful woman and go like, yeah, look at her. She's good. Even a straight woman, right?

30:24 Guest Yeah, you know, I mean, women are beautiful.

30:26 Drew Yes. That's what I'm talking about.

30:28 Guest You know?

30:29 Drew All right, so no reason to freak if you're a woman and you're thinking about women part-time.

30:33 Caller Matt?

30:35 Yeah.

30:35 Drew You're 18?

30:36 Caller I'm a long-time listener, first-time caller, Adam.

30:38 Drew Great. What's up?

30:40 Caller Yeah, I've been going out with this girl for three months. We recently, I broke up with her because I found out that she's like really depressed and it was kind of too much for me to handle, you know? And so now I see her every day at school and she always wants to hang out and I would be cool with that, but it seems like she's trying to get back together with me because, you know, like she'll see me and she'll hug me and she'll hold on a little bit longer than...

31:05 Adam No, Matt, it's probably smart to really cut it off with her. It's not a cruel thing. It's just important to allow her the opportunity to get over this thing.

31:12 Caller Yeah, and I've seen that and I want to do that, but now I'm worried that she's going to like... I don't know, because she's so depressed, she like, she cuts herself.

31:19 Adam Well, cutting and depression are two different things.

31:23 Drew Really?

31:24 Adam Yeah, I mean people who are cutters will cut sometimes more when they're depressed, but...

31:28 Drew But isn't it like a sort of a subset of depressed people who cut?

31:33 Adam The point I'm making is it sounds impressive that she's a cutter, but that doesn't mean she's depressed right now.

31:38 Caller Is she? Yeah.

31:42 Guest Have you talked to her about it? I mean, is she...

31:46 Caller I've suggested like, you know, maybe you should talk to someone about it, you know?

31:50 Adam She's not in treatment?

31:52 Caller No, she really doesn't want to at all.

31:53 Guest Do your parents know that she's cutting herself?

31:55 Caller No.

31:56 Drew Do you feel guilty for dumping her?

32:00 Caller Well, I did, but now I just like... I don't know, I... I don't know, I just don't want her to like, you know, go off and hurt herself.

32:08 Drew You don't want to get back with her?

32:09 Caller No.

32:10 Guest That's a lot for you to take on. How old are you? You're eighteen, yeah, that's a lot.

32:14 Guest It's not fair, it's not fair. You know, it's not your responsibility. I'm sure it's not your responsibility.

32:19 Guest But you're perfectly, you know, within reason to say that you're concerned about her and to tell her that you really think she should try and get some help. And to reach out to somebody and tell, you know, tell her to talk to her parents or reach out to a friend or somebody, a counselor at school and get some help.

32:34 Adam Why don't you tell, you tell her parents?

32:36 Caller What?

32:37 Adam Yeah, the parents.

32:38 Guest It doesn't even have to be, you could do it anonymously. There's so many ways that you could just sort of drop somebody a line to let them know that this is happening so that you could feel good about it but that, you know, it doesn't have to be like a big personal thing.

32:50 Caller I guess I could probably tell like one of the counselors or something.

32:52 Drew Yeah, do that.

32:53 Adam Yeah. That's about, I think that's really the only responsibility you have is to see to it that she's in proper hands. Beyond that, you can't do anything, you can't be responsible for her feelings.

33:02 Drew Yeah, but don't try to make her feel good and sort of short burst by, you know, letting her think you're going to get back together and all that kind of stuff.

33:11 Adam Bad strategy.

33:11 Drew Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's really, it's just, you just have, it's cruel but you have to cut them off if you have no intention of getting back with them. John?

33:21 Caller Yes, this is him.

33:22 Drew Is this he?

33:23 Caller This is he.

33:24 Drew John?

33:24 Caller I call it goes by the name of John.

33:26 Drew What's up there, John?

33:27 Caller Hello, John. Well, you know what? I don't know what I should feel guilty, Dr. Drew and Adam.

33:31 Adam Yeah, put the bong down, John.

33:32 Caller I've been with you guys for 15 years or more, and you guys are haranguing about these older guys that hook up with these younger gals. And I'm not, no, that's just not what I set my sights on specifically. I'm anywhere from 55 to 19, you know, but I'm just wondering what am I doing wrong? What's society saying I'm doing wrong if a gal wants to be with me and does it? You know, I don't know. I need to hear the condemnation from you guys.

33:59 Adam Well, what age?

34:00 Drew Who are you with?

34:01 Caller I was dating a girl at 19 right now.

34:03 Guest How old are you?

34:04 Caller 37.

34:06 Drew Yeah.

34:07 Guest You two have a lot in common, do you?

34:09 Caller Oh yeah, we like to dance to house music.

34:11 Drew Well, they both go to junior college.

34:14 Caller And we're both attractive and like each other.

34:17 Drew All right. And, you know, I mean... Dr. Drew there tonight?

34:20 Adam I'm here. I'm just listening.

34:21 Caller Okay.

34:22 Drew I mean, chronologically you're 37, but emotionally you're a high schooler, right, John?

34:27 Caller Absolutely, because...

34:28 Guest You're like Dick Clark.

34:29 Caller When you talk about the doctors that are studying and trying to catch up on lost time, I'm kind of the same way. I didn't get a lot of girl action when I was young, so I went in the Marines when I was 19, so...

34:39 Guest I see.

34:39 Drew And what are you doing now?

34:41 Caller Working around metal.

34:43 Drew Oh boy. That's bad.

34:46 Caller I'm just saying that to give you an out, but I want to know why society says it's wrong to hear and they wouldn't say that and say Saudi Arabia or something like that.

34:53 Drew Yeah. Well, you ever see what a dump Saudi Arabia is? And I don't know if they would say it was wrong over there.

34:59 Adam Well, wait a minute. If you dated your 19-year-old, you'd have to marry her in Saudi Arabia. For one thing, there'd be no dating. You would marry her and that's it. And if you didn't, you'd be killed.

35:09 Drew That's right.

35:09 Caller And I want you to know, Dr. Drew, I'm not like... Because I know these gals are looking for father figures for other dealers. I'm not even telling them that. I'm getting here with me because you had a bad relationship with your father, whatever. But I'm not like... I'm trying not to perpetuate any abuse they may have gone through or anything like that because I'm kind of open about it, whatever. But at the same time, I mean, who's being wrong? Adam, I find it hard to believe if a gorgeous gal with the kind of... I'm sure you would like... When after you, you wouldn't go out there. I find it hard to believe.

35:35 Drew And listen, I gotta be honest with you. This may just be the booze talking. I ran into a totally hot eight-year-old girl today. I swear to Christ. I was at... I'm not lying. I was at the airport, and this girl... The most beautiful eight-year-old girl came up to me. I fell in love with her. She had a little Aussie accent. It was great. Did she have a backpack? I didn't date her.

35:54 Adam You are never going near my children again. Oh my God.

35:56 Drew Oh, your daughter's saying that. Yeah, but she looks more like seven and a half. This chick was like nine. Unacceptable.

36:03 Adam Listen, for John.

36:04 Drew I'm just joking.

36:05 Adam All right, John, listen, the reason is the reason we basically after 21 adults are adults. OK, so it's not that big a deal after 21. If you want to date 22 year olds, that's up to you. That's their problem. They're making bad choices. But at 86 and 17, 18, 19, 20, they may not have the ability to see what's going on. They may not understand the consequence of their choices. And really, it's there to protect young people from older males who are taking advantage of them for their own issues and their own needs.

36:35 Drew Doesn't everyone just have to sort of learn life? I mean, if he's not hurting her and he's not abusing her, you know what I mean? I mean, can you tell? Is there a 19-year-old girl? Plus, the 19-year-old girls who date guys that are well into their 30s and early 40s, these girls have been women since 15. Do you know what I mean? Their dad's long gone. They've dropped out of school.

36:58 Guest They've been women since they were 15. But in actuality, they're not. They're operating as if they're grown women, but they really are.

37:04 Drew Absolutely, but a lot of them have been out of the house for a few years, have been doing their own thing for a few years, have had sexual partners for four or five years. You're not going to tell them at 19 that they ain't ready to date a man, that this guy's too old for them. And I don't think there's anything you're going to tell them. And I don't think there's much you're going to tell a guy who's 37 and thinks it's no problem to date a teenager, essentially, either. They both sort of deserve each other. I just hope nobody gets hurt. And if he's not hurting or abusing her, then I just say, let life wear on and let everyone learn their lesson. All right? I mean, what are we going to do? Talk them out of it? But we're not going to give you the thumbs up, John.

37:46 Adam No, just the usual sort of advice prevails, which is, geez, when that 19-year-old is 37 and realizes who the 37-year-olds are that would date a 19-year-old, she will regret having dated a 37-year-old.

37:57 Drew And what the 19-year-olds don't understand is it's a catch-22. If there's a 37-year-old guy who's willing to go out with your 19-year-old ass, he is flawed.

38:06 Adam Yeah.

38:07 Drew So, if he's dating you, he's flawed by virtue of the fact he's dating you.

38:11 Adam Yep.

38:12 Drew Anyway.

38:12 Adam That he's not willing to hold that boundary. And John's thing is, well, what could be wrong with her? She wants to date me. Hey, you're doing her a disservice by giving into that. It's very easy to give into it.

38:21 Drew All right.

38:22 Guest They love house music.

38:24 Drew They both love house.

38:25 Adam They have that in common.

38:26 Drew They hate techno, but they love house.

38:28 Guest We're just going to blatantly disregard that, I guess.

38:30 Adam Yeah, I think we will.

38:31 Drew You can't ignore that kind of sign. That's a mandate from Jesus. Please, they love house.

38:37 Adam It's destiny.

38:38 Drew True. That's how we got together, our love of house, right?

38:41 Adam Let's get back to your air boss. Come on, let's go.

38:43 Drew All right. Samantha, Ken and James, we're all here from First Years, Monday nights, 9 o'clock, NBC. We'll take a little break. We'll be back.

38:59 Adam Just the sound.

39:01 Drew Don't talk over my newfound glory riff. Yeah, I could do that. That would sound like Doobie Brothers.

39:07 Adam Just the sound, not the rhythm.

39:09 Drew Oh, Green Day maybe, but not the Doobie Brothers.

39:12 Guest Not even close to the Doobies.

39:13 Drew Thank you.

39:14 Guest Not even close.

39:15 Drew Drew thinks of the Doobie Brothers as the latest hippest sound. Just come down the pike, by the way. Because most of the guys you listen to are...

39:24 Adam And what's your point?

39:25 Drew Several hundred years old, right? I mean, the opera, right?

39:29 Guest Yeah, right. There's this new band, Leonard Skinnerdow.

39:32 Drew Yeah, Drew's just getting on to them.

39:34 Adam Free work.

39:36 Drew Be careful. I suspect tragedy is going to befall the band one day. Samantha Mathis, Ken Marino and James Roday are all here from First Years, Monday nights, nine o'clock in BC. And we'll get back to the phones and speak to Cassie. Who's 16? Cassie or Casey?

39:56 Caller Cassie.

39:57 Drew Cassie. What's up?

39:59 Caller I was going down on my boyfriend for the first time and I found out he wasn't circumcised.

40:06 Drew That's how you find out.

40:08 Guest Yeah, it was pretty gross.

40:10 Caller And when I got down there, at first I was like, oh, it's not that bad. But then there was like some kind of white discharge, not like liquid, but like creamy.

40:23 Guest And I was like, as soon as I saw that.

40:26 Drew Part Nivea, part Smeagma.

40:28 Caller Yeah, I was like, as soon as I saw that, I was just like, abort mission.

40:32 Drew I see.

40:33 Guest So you just stopped.

40:35 Caller Yeah. And then I think he felt bad.

40:38 Guest I can imagine why.

40:40 Adam A little disappointed, yeah.

40:43 Caller I just wanted to know what it was.

40:45 Guest Like.

40:46 Adam It's debris.

40:47 Caller The white stuff.

40:48 Adam It's debris.

40:49 Drew Yeah. You know the stuff old people get on the side of their eyes?

40:55 Adam It's more like what you get in your belly button.

40:57 Drew Yeah. Well, what I mean is your body secretes certain things and then they just sort of sit there for a while, right?

41:04 Adam That's why the...

41:04 Drew You got snot. You got that stuff, you know, like retarded kids get on their side of their lip there and old people get the stuff in their eye and eventually ears start... Yeah, stuff kind of comes out of you.

41:16 Guest Yeah, retarded old people, you have to look at them.

41:18 Drew You know what's weird? Yeah, that's a one-two punch. The thing that's weird is stuff comes out of you, but it's not the same stuff. You know what I mean? You got the wax in the ear, you got the snot in the nose, you got God knows what in the eye, you got something else in the mouth, you got something else on the dork, something else on the ass. Why can't just the same stuff come out? You know, just assume it would be the same stuff. It's like what's in you just come out a hole, you know?

41:45 Adam It could be really bad.

41:46 Drew Yeah, you should look into that. Different kinds of meat, really.

41:48 Caller Well, what can I do about that?

41:50 Drew You're gonna have to...

41:52 Guest I don't want to eat that.

41:53 Drew No, no, no.

41:55 Adam Get him to...

41:56 Guest Get him to wash.

41:57 Adam Yeah, he's gotta learn to take care.

41:59 Guest Taking care of himself, if he's cleaning himself.

42:02 Adam This is the thing with being uncircumcised, there's a little more care required.

42:05 Drew A little maintenance, it's like owning a convertible.

42:08 Guest It's very similar to owning a convertible. It's true.

42:10 Drew Yeah, yeah, there's perks, but you gotta put a little armor on the top every once in a while.

42:16 Guest What's that?

42:17 Caller I don't want to hurt his feeling.

42:18 Guest They just... You don't have to hurt his feeling, just say, sweetie, you know, when I was down there, I kind of noticed some stuff going on, and then, are you wiping, are you cleaning yourself?

42:27 Guest Is he 16 too?

42:30 Caller No, he's 15.

42:31 Guest Yeah, I think he'll probably be willing to do just about whatever you ask him to do.

42:34 Guest If he's going to get a blow job out of it, he's probably going to be willing to do just about it.

42:38 Adam Yeah, he could be more direct.

42:39 Guest Yeah.

42:39 Caller Okay.

42:40 Drew All right, Cassie, don't worry about it there.

42:42 Guest Help him clean.

42:43 Drew Oh, my God.

42:43 Adam You know, guys like direction. Guys, when girls help them with their hygiene, with their clothing.

42:50 Guest They usually go for it.

42:51 Adam Yeah, it's like, oh, hey, thanks, I didn't know.

42:54 Guest Girls know.

42:55 Adam They get on with it.

42:56 Drew But let him just go clean it. Don't make it. You know, there's that sexual advice where it's like, no, if she has an ovarian cyst, make it fun, make it sexual.

43:07 Guest Light a candle, bring out a Q-tip.

43:10 Drew Yeah, remove it with her in an essential way. No, no, just let him do it, you know, and people go, put the condom on in a playful way. You put it in your mouth and then put your mouth. No, just let the guy put the condom on and then bang it. That's all you need. Hold still. Let him go, put the condom on. You know, just let him wipe it off, clean it off, do his thing and then get his BJ. You don't have to turn it into some maypole game or something. He'll be embarrassed. That's what I'm saying.

43:37 Guest They shouldn't dance around the maypole.

43:40 Drew Is the maypole gone? Are people doing the maypole?

43:42 Guest People still do the maypole. I've seen a maypole in front of a school somewhere on sunset.

43:47 Drew Sarah?

43:49 Guest Hello?

43:49 Drew What's up there, baby?

43:51 Hi, are you talking to me?

43:52 Drew Yes, you're 25.

43:55 Caller Well, since I was 6 years old, I was kind of grossed out about masturbating with my hands, so I have this technique where I rub my legs together.

44:03 Adam Wait, it's 6 years old. It was already an old hat for you?

44:07 Drew Or it was grossed.

44:09 Caller Yeah, 6 years old.

44:11 Adam You understand that's pretty abnormal, yeah?

44:13 Caller I was molested as a child.

44:16 Adam That's what happens with that. Once you're sexually abused, it gets that system going in the brain that wasn't meant to be activated yet.

44:23 Caller Oh, really?

44:24 Adam And so it makes you sexually compulsive.

44:26 Drew Sarah, who was playing the sitar in the background?

44:29 Caller Who was that?

44:30 Caller My fiancé was playing the guitar, actually.

44:32 Drew I see. Could you tell him to stop playing? Or, yeah. Yes.

44:39 Caller Just for a couple minutes.

44:40 Drew Pull what I call the El Cabong move with the guitar. Go upside his head with it. All right, so you got molested, so you got weird about touching yourself.

44:49 Adam What's the question?

44:50 Caller My question is like, I'm asked if you're rubbing my legs together, you cause it to cricket. But anyways, I have this huge jugular vein on my leg that pops out after that. And my hands go numb, my legs go numb, but I have this awesome orgasm. I mean, it's just rad. So what's the problem?

45:08 Drew Is he going to write a song about that?

45:10 Caller I'm just afraid, like, is my leg going to give out? Am I going to have to give it amputated?

45:15 Adam No, don't worry. I don't know where the vein is or what the vein is you're describing.

45:19 Caller It's like a varicose vein on my leg.

45:21 Adam Yeah, don't worry about it.

45:22 Guest Are you leaning on your leg in such a way that it's cutting off circulation?

45:25 Caller Yeah, it is cutting off circulation.

45:27 Adam All right, so the vein bulges, that's fine. It's like a tourniquet.

45:30 Drew How do you? All right, anyone know?

45:31 Adam Don't, don't. Go to break.

45:33 Drew All right, if I could do that, though, that...

45:35 Adam Oh, you'd never come to work.

45:36 Drew No, I'd come to work. I just squeezed one off while I was at work. All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break. Thank you. The cast of First Years are here tonight and we'll see you at 9 o'clock Monday night. We'll take a little break. Catch you while you can. We'll be right back. Hey, yeah, there you go. Love Line. Ken just brought in a bottle of Johnny Walker Black Label in case I get the shakes later on tonight. I had a few nips earlier today. I'm not proud of it, but I'm not going to try to lie to the kids. I was, you know, filming a little bit for The Man Show and this particular bit required getting loaded. Boy, am I drunk.

46:24 Guest Get that guy out of here.

46:25 Drew Ken Marino is our guest tonight, along with Samantha Mathis and James Roday, all from First Years. Monday nights on NBC, 9 o'clock. Can you just, you carry a bottle of whiskey in the car?

46:40 Caller Yeah.

46:40 Guest In case of emergencies.

46:41 Caller Never know.

46:42 Drew In case you get a flat and you can't cope or...

46:44 Guest In case I get pulled over, actually.

46:46 Drew Yeah. It's good. Yeah, it's steel.

46:48 Guest Topstik scotch.

46:49 Drew Steel's still on it.

46:50 Guest It's a negotiating power.

46:52 Drew All right. Now, we're going to speak to Sarah. Sarah is 17. Her boyfriend complains of smell in the crotch. Sarah?

47:02 Caller Yeah. Hi.

47:03 Drew What's up?

47:04 Caller I've been having sex with my boyfriend for about two years now, and it was never really a problem, and now it's like become one of those things where it's so bad that he won't even do anything with me anymore. And I went to the doctor before, and she gave me a sample of a cream, and it just didn't do anything.

47:23 Adam Which cream?

47:24 Caller I don't know. I don't remember.

47:26 Adam And why didn't you go back?

47:28 Caller Because it wasn't do anything before me.

47:30 Adam Right. Why didn't you go back?

47:32 Caller I don't know.

47:32 Adam Okay. She can treat it. You got to go back.

47:35 Drew You think she has an infection?

47:36 Adam Absolutely.

47:37 Drew Was the smell always around?

47:39 Caller No. I didn't even notice it until I started having sex. You know, it was never a problem.

47:43 Drew But wait. You've been having sex for how long?

47:46 Caller Two years.

47:47 Drew Oh. Well, it's been around for two years?

47:49 Caller Yeah. Like, it's every time I have sex. Like, it's like not every time I open my legs or anything. It's just like this smell. And I don't know if that's what it's supposed to be.

47:58 Drew And your boyfriend has told you about this?

47:59 Caller Yeah. He won't even go down on me.

48:01 Adam And he doesn't like it.

48:03 Caller Go to the doctor.

48:04 Drew But has he been going down on you for two years?

48:06 Caller No. No. He stopped.

48:08 Adam I wonder if it's just an excuse for this guy.

48:09 Drew I know. But hold on. When did he stop?

48:11 Caller Like a while ago.

48:13 Adam How long ago?

48:14 Caller A year and a half ago.

48:16 Adam A year and a half ago.

48:17 Caller Like a really long time ago.

48:18 Adam Yeah. See, I think this guy is just using this as an excuse. Well, you know what I'm saying?

48:23 Drew You've been having intercourse then, right?

48:25 Caller Yeah.

48:26 Drew But he hasn't been going down on you.

48:27 Guest You're saying that you can smell it too, though, right?

48:29 Guest Yeah. Yeah.

48:30 Caller I know it's there. He's not lying to me.

48:32 Guest But is it awful?

48:33 Adam Is it something that...

48:34 Caller No.

48:34 Guest It's not like one of those things that I never even... Yeah.

48:36 Adam It's not a big deal. He's making a big deal of it.

48:39 Caller Yeah. I can smell it. And he's like, you should do it. And I've heard so many bad things about that. I won't do that. But it's like I'm not going to put bleach down there. No.

48:48 Guest No.

48:48 Caller No.

48:49 Guest No. No.

48:49 Drew No.

48:50 Guest I don't use those douches either. No, you don't.

48:52 Drew You don't douche with bleach. You use ureatic acid. It's different. They use it to clean pool filters.

49:00 Guest I just don't know what to do.

49:01 Caller And I thought maybe it was because of my medicine.

49:04 Adam What medicine are you taking?

49:05 Guest I'm on Prozac and birth control.

49:07 Adam No, that's no.

49:09 Drew She's also on stenchothol.

49:11 Adam I think I think the guy is just overly sensitive and making a big deal out of nothing.

49:16 Drew You think he may be gay?

49:19 Guest Yeah. I'm not the first person who said that to me.

49:23 Drew Well, let's examine him. How old is he?

49:25 Caller He's 19.

49:27 Drew Do you ever see him wearing a sweater vest or cardigan?

49:32 Guest No, Mr. Rogers shirt.

49:33 Adam Picture frames?

49:34 Guest Brunches on the weekends?

49:35 Drew Has he ever framed anything?

49:37 Adam No.

49:39 Drew What's his drink?

49:42 Caller He doesn't drink.

49:45 Drew No, gay men all drink. They have to to cope. What kind of car does he drive?

49:52 Guest A BMW.

49:54 Guest Convertible?

49:55 Drew What kind?

49:56 Guest An old one.

49:58 Drew All right. What about his room? Is it a mess or is it impeccable? Spotless?

50:04 Spotless.

50:06 Drew Does he like sports? No.

50:08 Guest Look what we've uncovered. Wow. Look what we've uncovered tonight here. Does he own Funny Girl?

50:14 Drew Does he wear Argyle socks ever?

50:16 Guest No.

50:17 Drew No. Popery?

50:19 Adam No.

50:19 Drew How about a squeegee in his bathroom for cleaning the loose sight door after he showered?

50:23 Adam We forgot about that one.

50:25 Drew Yeah.

50:25 Adam Does he have that? Does he have that?

50:27 Caller I don't think so.

50:27 Adam Check that one out. That is an absolute threshold.

50:30 Caller Yeah.

50:31 Drew Drew, you bought a condo and a house or two condos?

50:34 Adam No, a condo and a house.

50:36 Drew From a gay couple?

50:37 Adam Different gay couples.

50:38 Drew You buy exclusively from gays?

50:39 Adam Only.

50:40 Drew Because they keep things up.

50:41 Adam They keep things up. I like what they do.

50:43 Drew Right. The place doesn't smell like a campus. It's nice.

50:47 Guest It's in the west village compared to the east village.

50:49 Drew And each time you bought a place that was previously owned by a gay couple, what did it have in it?

50:54 Adam I go to take a shower the first day of the house. There is a squeegee sitting there on the floor of the shower.

50:58 Drew Right.

50:59 Adam Because to do the walls, to take the squeegee to the glucite shower, the shower wall.

51:03 Drew Right.

51:04 Guest Well, first of all, my parents have that. Does that mean they're gay?

51:06 Adam Yeah.

51:07 Drew Beard. Your mom's a beard.

51:08 Guest Wow.

51:09 Drew Yeah.

51:10 Guest Sorry, Ken.

51:10 Guest Surprise, Ken.

51:11 Guest I'm sorry. I'm sorry for you.

51:13 Guest That's why we're all here, actually.

51:14 Guest I'm sorry.

51:14 Drew With you. Yes. You want to know why they're still together? That's why. They would have broke. If they were a straight couple, they would have been divorced. Do the math. Alex?

51:26 Adam Do we finish with Sarah?

51:27 Drew Yeah. I don't know. Go back to the doctor.

51:30 Adam The boyfriend is the problem, not her.

51:32 Drew Well, but she smells something, too.

51:35 Adam No, she said no. She said she didn't.

51:37 Guest She doesn't think it's smelly. She smells something, but she doesn't think it's weird.

51:39 Adam Hold on.

51:40 Drew Hold on. Sarah? Sarah? Sarah? Oh, Sarah. I think she's gone. I thought she said she smelled a little something.

51:47 Adam No. A little something, but she thought it was normal. It was normal. It probably was normal.

51:52 Drew All right. And let me tell you something, and this booze is reminding me of my yummy face talk. Guys, there comes a time when you have to acquire taste for certain things that don't taste good. Cigars, whiskey, vagina, none of them taste good, but they're all good.

52:11 Adam They're all way.

52:12 Drew Yeah. I mean, you take an eight-year-old boy, and you give him a shot of whiskey, and you give him a cigar, and you give him some caviar, and he spits it out. I mean, it's horrible, right?

52:21 Guest Sure.

52:21 Drew But later on in life...

52:23 Guest Suddenly, that whiskey is not going to be as bad.

52:25 Drew Yeah. You're waiting in line and paying top dollar for that. And oral sex, kind of the same thing. It's a little... It's an acquired thing. It's something you got to kind of work toward a little bit.

52:37 Guest Well worth it, though.

52:38 Drew Oh, yes.

52:38 Guest Well worth it.

52:39 Drew Absolutely. Alex? Alex?

52:43 Caller Yes?

52:44 Drew You're 17?

52:45 Adam What's up?

52:47 Caller First of all, I want to say, Drew, I respect you so much.

52:49 Adam All right, Alex, what's going on?

52:52 Caller Well, I'm just, like, terrified to death of sex.

52:56 Adam Why?

52:56 Drew You got to speak up a little, though, Alex.

52:58 Caller I really can't.

52:59 Guest Are you at home?

53:00 Caller Yeah.

53:01 Guest Your parents are there?

53:02 Caller Yeah, okay.

53:03 Adam Why do you think you're terrified?

53:05 Caller I don't know. It doesn't make any sense to me.

53:08 Adam The fear?

53:09 Guest Yeah.

53:10 Adam Are you afraid of other things?

53:13 Caller Just spiders, but nothing really.

53:15 Adam But you're able to get on in life okay and make choices for yourself?

53:19 Caller Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm depressed. I don't know if the medication might have something to do with it, but I doubt it.

53:24 Guest What kind of medication are you on?

53:25 Caller Selexa.

53:27 Adam Selexa?

53:27 Guest Yeah.

53:28 Adam Yeah, you shouldn't do that. This is a new...

53:30 Guest It's like the mild stuff, huh?

53:31 Adam Yeah, it's pretty mild. And this is a new fear?

53:34 Caller No, I've always kind of had it. And I don't know where it's originated.

53:38 Adam Did you see something when you were younger that troubled you?

53:40 Caller No, actually I've had a pretty normal upbringing.

53:43 Drew Were you ever raped by a spider?

53:44 Adam No eating disorder?

53:45 Drew No.

53:46 Caller Were you?

53:47 Drew What's happened? I was Charlotte's Wimp. She was...

53:50 Caller I was bulimic for a little while.

53:52 Adam Okay.

53:52 Drew I see.

53:53 Adam So this is... this is... this is kind of what I was picking up from her is that she has no ability to individuate from intrusive parents and things like sexuality are very challenging and very anxiety provoking. Right. And can't possibly express that kind of thing separate from the parents.

54:10 Caller It's not that I don't want to.

54:12 Adam I understand, but...

54:13 Caller I mean, I do. I have a boyfriend and he's great.

54:15 Adam But you're terrifically anxious about it. It's really... It's a... I suspect you perceive it as separating, moving away from your family and doing something they might not approve of. And it's difficult for you to do that.

54:25 Drew Drew, is this getting a little cathartic for you? No, no, no.

54:28 Adam I just think that's what's been happening for me.

54:29 Drew Are you reading all that into this? Are you...

54:33 Adam I picked up the eating disorder.

54:34 Drew Are you having sex with your boyfriend?

54:37 Caller No. He's like really cool about it. He's like, you know, I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do and stuff like that. But I mean...

54:47 Drew I think he's gay too, Drew. And how long have you been with him?

54:51 Caller Four months.

54:52 Drew Four months.

54:53 Caller Not that long.

54:54 Drew And how old is he?

54:58 Caller older.

55:00 Drew How old?

55:02 Guest 24.

55:04 Drew 24, huh? And he's sure he's not 26?

55:08 Caller I'm positive.

55:09 Drew All right. And he's going out with a 17-year-old?

55:13 Caller Yeah.

55:13 Drew And he's not pressuring you for sex?

55:15 Caller No, actually not at all.

55:16 Drew Yeah. He's not to be trusted. I worry about this guy. I really do. You guys? I don't know. I mean, I know 24 and 17 is seven years, but it's a pretty big seven years. I mean, you're in high school, and he's theoretically out of college, even though I'm sure he never went or isn't if he did.

55:40 Caller No, actually, he's a very good person.

55:43 Adam Yeah. Probably. What is it? Adam was talking about college and whether or not he went to college.

55:49 Caller Oh, well, yeah. He's still in college.

55:51 Adam Yeah. I got upset.

55:52 Drew All right. But that's a pretty big age jump there. I mean, you're in high school, right?

55:58 Caller Yeah.

55:59 Drew I mean, it's really weird for a 24-year-old guy to be dating a high schooler.

56:03 Adam Listen.

56:04 Drew Are you a senior in high school?

56:06 Caller No, I'm a junior.

56:08 Drew Yeah. That's extra super ultra weird to be going out with a junior when you're way out of high school and on your own and an adult.

56:18 Adam There's a lot going on with Alex for a long time.

56:20 Drew Even friends for a long time.

56:21 Adam Alex is bulimic, dating a 24-year-old.

56:23 Caller She is.

56:25 Caller No, I'm not bulimic now.

56:27 Adam Alex, have you been treated?

56:30 Caller I got off it myself. I'm not.

56:33 Adam It's a chronic condition. It's not something that goes away and stays away typically.

56:36 Caller Well, I haven't been for two years.

56:37 Adam I understand, but you are a bulimic. That's you. That's who you are. You have that condition.

56:42 Drew Well, she is now, Drew, that you made her one. You thought she was done with it until she made you.

56:46 Adam It's like being an addict or an alcoholic. It's a chronic, recurring condition.

56:49 Drew Okay. So what should Alex do?

56:52 Adam I want to hear about her parents. I want to hear what the story was about.

56:55 Drew But she's got to start speaking up and turn on the radio and stuff because she's, you know, I may just be buzzed or something, but she's getting on my nerves. Alex?

57:03 Caller Yeah?

57:05 Drew You need to speak up. Can you turn the radio down back there, please?

57:08 Guest Yeah, hold on just a second.

57:11 Drew How many goddamn times a night are we going to go through that turn the radio down ritual?

57:15 Guest She doesn't want her parents to hear it.

57:17 Drew I know, but every time somebody calls in, our screeners tell them turn the radio off in the back, and then every third call, I tell them to turn the radio off.

57:25 Guest I mean, this guy, if she has- I would say then 33% of the time, you're going to have to go through it.

57:28 Guest Right, right, you are, Ken.

57:30 Guest If you're talking to a girl who's like sneaking a phone call in behind her parents' back with a guy who's 24, I mean, she did have sex, she's probably living in fear of a lot of things besides just sex.

57:41 Adam That's the point, she has not given any- she has no sense of self, she has no ability to withstand the intrusions from her parents.

57:47 Drew All right, Alex?

57:48 Guest Let's get you to go to jail.

57:49 Drew So, hey, you're folks, Drew, bang away.

57:53 Adam What was your mom like?

57:55 Caller She's very conservative.

57:58 Adam Very controlling?

57:59 Caller Yeah, she's kind of crazy.

58:01 Adam Yeah, I imagine. You have ballet when you were five?

58:05 Caller No, she's been pushing me to do school stuff, though.

58:08 Adam And what's dad like?

58:10 Caller He's very cool.

58:11 Adam Very cool? But mom's been a problem?

58:14 Caller Yeah.

58:15 Adam Okay, well.

58:16 Guest But isn't that typical of, like, a 17-year-old girl, like, at that age? Don't they all get driven crazy by their mothers?

58:24 Guest Not to the point of believing.

58:25 Adam Not to the point of believing a 24-year-old having been mortified. I mean, the fact is, listen, the fact that she's scared death of sex, a good thing, just stay with that.

58:34 Guest If you're scared of it, then you're not ready.

58:35 Adam Especially not with a 24-year-old. It's the best possible feeling to have given the situation you're in right now.

58:43 Drew And how much do we trust a 24-year-old guy who's dating a junior in high school and not banging her? Do you know what I mean? How much do you trust that guy? The guy is having sex with one of them. At least I understand what his motivation is.

58:58 Guest Maybe he's afraid of prison. We don't know what he looks like.

59:00 Guest And he should be afraid of prison. It would be illegal.

59:03 Drew Nancy?

59:03 Adam In most states. Yeah.

59:05 Drew All right. So Alex needs to get some help.

59:07 Adam Yeah. I mean, this is... Well, actually, no. Just don't have sex. That's the advice.

59:12 Drew Well, don't worry. Nancy?

59:14 Guest Yeah.

59:14 Drew You're 19.

59:16 Guest Hi.

59:16 Drew What's up?

59:17 Guest First, I want to say you guys totally rock.

59:19 Drew Thanks.

59:20 Guest And have this little problem.

59:22 Adam I'm going to Cincinnati this weekend.

59:23 Drew You are? Is Nancy from Cincinnati? Yeah. That's good radio, Drew. The way you just blurted that out, even though I never said she was from Cincinnati. Fantastic. Go ahead, Nancy.

59:36 Guest Yeah. Well, last night, I was kind of going at it with the vibrator, and all of a sudden, there was blood.

59:45 Guest Oh, God.

59:47 Guest Yeah.

59:47 Adam Was it time for your period?

59:49 Guest No. It's actually only been two weeks.

59:51 Adam Are you on a medication?

59:53 Guest No.

59:54 Adam Nothing new started recently?

59:56 Guest No. I've done coke a couple more times, a lot more often than I used to, but other than that, everything has stayed the same.

1:00:05 Adam Well, give me how we know what you used to do. That would be like, what, three times a day then, right? A lot more often than what you used to do.

1:00:12 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:00:12 Adam Yeah.

1:00:12 Drew Well, you were good for, what, a kilo every week before, so now, I mean, the new Nancy, not the old one that we knew, but...

1:00:22 Guest Yeah, I'm down to a half block now.

1:00:24 Drew So, how much coke were you doing?

1:00:27 Guest Maybe once every three months or so.

1:00:30 Drew And now, you're doing it how often?

1:00:33 Guest Every other weekend.

1:00:34 Drew Oh, okay. So, all right, so you're speeding up there.

1:00:37 Adam Could be that.

1:00:38 Drew Is that, did that make you bleed?

1:00:40 Guest Where were you bleeding from?

1:00:42 Guest My vagina.

1:00:43 Guest Was there a great burst of pain followed by blood? Was it, is it like an obvious, oh, that's what did it?

1:00:49 Guest No, I felt no instant discomfort at all. The only discomfort I experienced was like earlier this morning when I woke up, there was a little bit, but.

1:00:58 Adam Look, when you're, when you're, the lining of the uterus becomes unstable at certain times during your cycle and sexual behavior can, sexual activity can stimulate the bleeding. Can bring your period on early, it can bring mid cycle bleeding. Some women have a bleed every time they have sex.

1:01:11 Drew Were you high when you were going at yourself with a vibrator?

1:01:14 Guest Yeah.

1:01:15 Drew Maybe you got a little out of control.

1:01:17 Adam Also, it's the drug.

1:01:17 Drew Linda Blair kind of moves that.

1:01:19 Adam Look, this is a drug thing, Nancy. You got to look into what's... Are you smoking pot every day, too? Yeah. All right. Case closed. You got to look into your drug addiction. That's the problem here. It's not bleeding from your vagina. It's the drug use, okay?

1:01:34 Guest All right.

1:01:35 Adam It's not funny. That's what you're dealing with here.

1:01:38 Drew Well, it's not funny, haha, but it's funny like, yeah, it's amusing, right? Is that what you mean, Drew?

1:01:44 Guest That's what I mean.

1:01:45 Adam Yeah.

1:01:45 Drew It's not laugh out loud funny, but it's kind of anecdotal funny. You know, good one. Tell if you're like going on a long car trip or something, right?

1:01:53 Guest Yes.

1:01:55 Drew Okay, Nancy, you got to take care of yourself, right, baby? Okay. Use the right end of the vibrator though, right?

1:02:01 Guest Right.

1:02:02 Drew Okay.

1:02:03 Guest No, I was practicing Kegel and pushing the buttons.

1:02:06 Drew Okay, baby. You're speeding up a little with the drugs though, right? You got to slow down.

1:02:11 Guest Actually, I'm slowing down. I've, within the past two, two months, quit all forms of morphine and I've been off of ecstasy for a year.

1:02:22 Adam All right, Nancy, Nancy. She's doing all kinds of stuff. This is big time junkie drug use. You've got to get treated. And coming off opiates, you probably didn't even have a period when you're on the morphine and then your period can be gone. Yeah. So you stop the morphine. Yes, your cycle's all off. Your periods start up again. They can be all over the place. You have got major league drug use here and this has got to be treated. And it's not, this is not a steady situation, although you may be cutting back now. You've got a progressive disease and it's going to get worse.

1:02:47 Guest And do your operators have numbers for that?

1:02:52 Drew Yeah, we do. Drew's an operator. Hey, Nancy.

1:02:55 Guest Yeah.

1:02:55 Drew How do you get in the morphine?

1:03:01 Guest Oxycontins went around here for a long time. I work in a bar. It's easy to get anything.

1:03:07 Drew Really?

1:03:07 Guest And oxycontins went around here. I researched them before I took them, found out that they were opiates from poppies, the same as heroin and opium. And so I took those and then I tried some morphine. I never shot morphine. I just crystallized it on my kitchen stove.

1:03:22 Drew Oh, well, you're just smoking it then, right?

1:03:25 Guest Right, along with opium.

1:03:27 Drew Why don't you say so? I thought you were shooting it.

1:03:31 Guest No, no, no.

1:03:32 Drew No. What were you saying? Cotton's been around here? What were you saying?

1:03:36 Adam Oxycontin.

1:03:37 Drew What's oxycontin?

1:03:38 Adam Because it's a long-acting opiate. This is all heroin. It's all heroin addiction. It's the most serious form of addiction that you can get, and you got it, and it doesn't go away. Well, once you've thrown that switch, it doesn't go down without treatment, period.

1:03:54 Guest Hopefully, I wasn't on it long enough to get seriously addicted. It's not like ecstasy. I've quit ecstasy for a year and two months, and I still think about it every day. But with that, it's just like one of those, okay, I learned to ride my bike and then I fell down and I quit riding my bike.

1:04:11 Adam No, you've escalated the pod and escalated the cocaine to replace it. If you were to try to do without anything right now, having used the opiates would make that essentially impossible for you.

1:04:21 Drew Okay. So, Drew, you want to give her a number she can call? What should she do?

1:04:25 Adam She needs to call. I don't know what local... This is why I wanted local resources. She needs to call University Hospital of Cincinnati and get the chemical dependency program and get enrolled.

1:04:35 Drew Well, Drew, you're going to be in town this weekend. Maybe you can swing by the bar she's working at.

1:04:40 Adam Yeah. Bring in some Oxycontin with me.

1:04:44 Drew I really didn't know people were doing morphine. Is there anything more addictive than that?

1:04:50 Adam Heroin, morphine, Vicodin, Oxycontin, MS-Contin, it's all the same. Opium, all the same. Same. Different versions of the same thing.

1:04:59 Guest It's scary. She's so articulate about it all.

1:05:02 Adam Coding, it's all the same.

1:05:03 Drew Yeah, but she's worked up a sort of elaborate verbal defense as to why she's not an addict.

1:05:09 Adam Yeah. She's figured it all out, researched it, therefore.

1:05:12 Drew Right. Steve?

1:05:14 Caller Yeah.

1:05:15 Drew You're 39.

1:05:16 Caller Yeah.

1:05:16 Drew What's up?

1:05:18 Caller Well, I'm right in the middle of a divorce.

1:05:21 Drew All right. Should we let you go?

1:05:22 Adam Everyone thought of that.

1:05:24 Drew Are you actually doing paperwork?

1:05:27 Caller I'm starting paperwork right now.

1:05:29 Drew Okay. We'll let you get back to that. I'm sorry.

1:05:32 Guest The problem is I have a 12-year-old daughter. She's going to be 13 in about four months.

1:05:40 Caller What do I do? What do I say to her to assure her to make her feel better about herself?

1:05:49 Guest I mean, so her life doesn't get old.

1:05:51 Drew What? Are you going to have joint custody?

1:05:55 Guest I want joint custody. I don't know if she's going to go for it or not, but I want joint custody.

1:06:00 Drew You don't know who? Your ex or your daughter?

1:06:04 Adam Here is the key. You and your ex have got to get along on behalf of the child. And if you have future husbands and wives, they have to be focused on the well-being of your child. There has to be peace amongst the different members of this group in order to focus on the rearing of this child. And there's a book out there. What's it called? Dan Wallerstein wrote it about children of divorce, and they all have issues, all, when they grow up. Now, the way to minimize those is to be very honest with her, give her a safe, secure, highly structured environment, and make sure you and your wife focus on her well-being and not your conflicts.

1:06:39 Guest That's it.

1:06:40 Adam That's it. That's all you can do.

1:06:41 Drew Well, Steve, you've been a good father to her thus far, in her twelve and three-quarter years. She loves you.

1:06:50 Guest Yeah.

1:06:50 Drew Well, so she should want to see you. She shouldn't want to be away from her father.

1:06:57 Caller Yeah, but I mean, what do I say to her to be assured?

1:06:59 Guest Tell her you love her.

1:07:01 Caller So, I mean, if...

1:07:04 Drew Well, she's not, you know, I mean, she's not, you know, five and a half. You don't have to get out sock puppets and go mommy puppet and daddy puppet. She's in the sixth grade, right?

1:07:16 Caller Yeah, yeah.

1:07:17 Drew Okay. No, she's not in the eighth grade.

1:07:19 Adam Seventh grade.

1:07:19 Drew What grade is she in? Seventh grade. All right. She's a big girl. And I'm sure three quarters of her peers' parents are divorced at this point. My parents, by the way, pioneers at the divorce. They got divorced actually before they got married. And then they got married. They were so happy. I read about that. I read about that.

1:07:38 Adam Pioneering, yeah.

1:07:40 Drew But Steve, just tell her you love her and tell her this is what happens. And I'm sure she's heard of it. And she's not going to be thrilled, but it won't devastate her life necessarily. You'll stay up with her. Don't move too far away. And you keep up. And you get joint custody. And you talk to your wife about, or your ex-wife about it, and on behalf of your daughter, you do what's best for the daughter.

1:08:04 Adam So you gotta stop smoking pot too.

1:08:05 Drew And he makes me a little nervous because he seems like... Steve's talking like a guy's a little guilty, like let a few years slide by, and now his daughter's like may not want to be around or something. Steve?

1:08:19 Guest Well, you know, I don't want her to...

1:08:21 Drew I understand. You smoke weed.

1:08:23 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:08:24 Guest No, no, no.

1:08:25 Guest Nothing like that.

1:08:26 Adam Steve? No drinking? Nothing like that?

1:08:29 Guest I take prescription drugs, maintenance drugs.

1:08:31 Adam What do you take?

1:08:33 Caller Tegurtol, Neurotin, Clenazepam.

1:08:36 Adam So you're bi-polar?

1:08:37 Caller No, epileptic.

1:08:40 Drew Were you out on the road driving a truck? Were you gone a lot?

1:08:43 Caller I'm in my car right now.

1:08:46 Drew Yeah. See what I'm saying? Yeah. Maybe she'll explain to you about the divorce.

1:08:51 Guest Maybe she needs to do something about the divorce.

1:08:53 Drew What do you do for a living? Are you out? Have you been away from your daughter a lot?

1:08:58 Guest I work nights.

1:08:59 Adam What do you do?

1:09:01 Guest I'm a pharmacy technician.

1:09:03 Drew Well, at least you don't have any access to those drugs.

1:09:05 Guest I know.

1:09:07 Drew Have you been a big part of your daughter's life her whole life?

1:09:11 Guest Yeah.

1:09:12 Caller Yeah, I have.

1:09:13 Drew Okay.

1:09:13 Caller I've been there.

1:09:14 Adam Wait. What is the source of your seizure disorder?

1:09:18 Guest I mean the source? What do you mean?

1:09:19 Adam Yeah. What's going on that's causing the seizure?

1:09:22 Caller It's the right temporal lobe.

1:09:25 Adam What kind of injury or did something happen?

1:09:28 Guest Infant. From infancy.

1:09:30 Adam So you had your whole life? Yeah. Okay. So you had temporal lobe epilepsy?

1:09:35 Guest Yeah.

1:09:35 Adam How did that present? What were you doing to let them know you had that?

1:09:41 Caller What do you mean?

1:09:41 Adam Well, temporal lobe epilepsy can be pretty bizarre, right?

1:09:45 Guest Well, yeah, the onset was like around eight years old.

1:09:48 Adam Okay, but you haven't had it since you've been parent?

1:09:51 Caller I had surgery six years ago.

1:09:54 Guest I had a great temporal lobectomy.

1:09:56 Adam Okay. Half his brain is taken off.

1:09:58 Guest Yeah, half my brain, yeah.

1:09:59 Drew Well, what's the right side?

1:10:01 Adam A piece of the brain.

1:10:01 Drew That's not the creative side. What's the creative side?

1:10:05 Adam It's the cognitive side.

1:10:07 Drew You don't need that part.

1:10:08 Adam No, that's fine. That's the creative side. The right side.

1:10:09 Drew Oh, the right side? Yeah. So you're not a hippie. Fine. You're a numbers guy.

1:10:14 Adam Yeah. So you had a temporal lobe out. All right. There's even more here.

1:10:18 Guest More.

1:10:19 Drew No, I know. But I'm not going to get to it because eventually he'll have his whole brain and spinal cord removed. Then we're all left. Let's take ourselves a little break. Should we kill ourselves or just take a leak? What do we want to do?

1:10:32 Adam Leak.

1:10:32 Drew All right.

1:10:33 Adam We have to be in the sink this time, please.

1:10:36 Drew All right. How dare you bring that up on the air? Wow. Somebody floated a barge, a big-ass barge in the toilet. Anderson, I don't know if you saw that. There's a huge duke floating in the toilet, and rather than taking it apart like a Japanese zero over an aircraft carrier in World War II, I opted to go the gentleman's route and urinate in the sink. Now, I didn't know that was going to be brought up on the air.

1:11:03 Guest Classy.

1:11:05 Drew I'm a class act.

1:11:06 Adam Wow.

1:11:08 Drew If the barge is still in the can, yes. Yes, I will go in the sink again.

1:11:14 Guest Another option would have been to flush the toilet. Just flush?

1:11:16 Drew I tried to flush. It didn't work. You want to hit the sink?

1:11:19 Guest Get a boot in there? Break it up?

1:11:21 Adam No, you do the sink all the way. Or we could take turns at the latrine. Something novel.

1:11:26 Drew I'm going to talk. All right. We'll be back.

1:11:30 Adam Hello. This is Loveline.

1:11:32 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:11:40 Drew Drew, could you not talk the second the mic goes on about nothing, please?

1:11:45 Adam Speaking of nothing, I got to say I found it extremely ironic that as you pulled away from the sink having finished evacuating your bladder, you lean over and wash your hands.

1:11:55 Drew Oh, did I?

1:11:55 Adam Same sink.

1:11:56 Drew I washed my hands because I was big on my nose. Actually, I had makeup. You know when you wear makeup, you get those Snuggies up, like get that weird dried stuff. I don't know if it gets up your nose or...

1:12:07 Adam It's because you don't touch your face when you have makeup on.

1:12:09 Guest We should have a whole dialogue about the Snuggies later.

1:12:11 Drew Yeah, you got to go on Snuggie Patrol. Yeah, thanks Drew. Samantha, Ken and James are all here from First Years, Monday nights, NBC, 9 o'clock. And Drew, anything else that I scratched my ass or something? Anything else you want to share?

1:12:25 Adam But what were you asking me? Before Adam so rudely started the show.

1:12:28 Guest Did Eric Schieffer come on that show with you? He's one of our cast members. I think he said he was going to be on Manner for Mars.

1:12:34 Guest Was he on your talk show?

1:12:35 Adam No, but you know what, somebody else may have been interviewed and not me.

1:12:37 Guest Ah, I'll see.

1:12:39 Drew He obviously made a big impression. Heather?

1:12:43 Adam I almost dodged that one.

1:12:44 Drew Yeah, you're 14. What's up?

1:12:47 Caller Um, well, like a little while ago, well not a little while ago, like last year sometime, um, this guy raped me while I was drunk. And I like heard from my friends that like after you get raped, you have side effects. And I'm not experienced in any of that.

1:13:05 Adam Well, pregnancy is one.

1:13:07 Drew No, I mean emotional side effects.

1:13:10 Caller Like emotional and physical.

1:13:13 Adam Well, another would be a sexually transmitted disease, like AIDS or hepatitis or gonorrhea, syphilis. These things can all be transmitted, right? Warts, herpes.

1:13:21 Caller I don't have any of those.

1:13:23 Adam Well, you haven't seen a doctor. How would you know?

1:13:27 Caller Well, wouldn't there be like some evidence of it or something?

1:13:30 Adam Not on many of these.

1:13:32 Guest No.

1:13:33 Guest That's actually a scary thing about some sexually transmitted diseases. You don't see them at all and some of them can sterilize you.

1:13:39 Adam Chlamydia, for one. So, Heather, it is time you go see someone. Okay?

1:13:45 Caller And could it like, I mean, like, my sister was raped when she was my age and afterwards she became this huge slut.

1:13:55 Adam That's sometimes what happens is women will sort of head on a trajectory. They sort of act out sexually after something like that. People think it might be a way of trying to gain mastery over something that made them feel very powerless. In this show, we sort of hear this following abuse earlier in childhood, either physical or sexual abuse, which sort of sets you up to be a victim. And I would say if I were a betting man, I would say physical abuse in this case.

1:14:20 Caller Heather? Well, my parents were never really home when my sister and I were growing up. Pretty much we raised each other. And our babysitter abused us both psychologically and physically.

1:14:34 Guest Okay.

1:14:35 Adam There you go.

1:14:38 Drew How does it work psychologically when a babysitter abuses you?

1:14:43 Adam Just yelling at you all the time?

1:14:45 Caller Well, like, my parents wanted us to be like the perfect family. And putting me in dance classes and stuff like that.

1:14:57 Drew An eating disorder?

1:15:00 Caller I was anorexic for a while, then I went to Plymouth.

1:15:04 Drew Okay. That's an eating disorder.

1:15:06 Adam And so, what...

1:15:07 Drew Can't put anyone in... Can anyone dance anymore?

1:15:11 Adam What would the babysitter do that...

1:15:13 Caller She wouldn't take me to the classes, and she would like to say notes the next day, and then when I told her that it was my dance class that day, she's like, notes tomorrow.

1:15:22 Adam So you had abandoning parents, you had an abusive babysitter. A mess. It's a mess. But it created you into a nice victim, though.

1:15:31 Guest Are you doing drugs?

1:15:32 Drew What the hell am I to put her on hold? You doing any drugs, Heather?

1:15:36 Caller Well, I tried it like a year ago, and the person gave me straight, chronic, laced with opium as the first drug I ever tried. So I thought...

1:15:47 Drew Maybe you're hanging out with Snoop. What are you hanging out with? You're 14. All right. They gave you straight, chronic, laced with opium for the first joint you ever had? Yeah. All right. And you freaked out? Okay. Well, that's good, right? So you don't want to do it anymore?

1:16:04 Caller Yeah, but I... Both my parents are alcoholics.

1:16:07 Drew All right.

1:16:08 Caller So is my sister.

1:16:09 Drew Hey, next time your dad falls asleep, kick him in the nuts for me, would you? Just say that's from Adam.

1:16:16 Caller Sorry, he hasn't been home for the past two weeks.

1:16:19 Drew Well, when he does come home, we give him a nice big stiletto heel.

1:16:22 Adam What's he doing? Why is he being away so much?

1:16:25 Caller Working.

1:16:26 Adam What's he doing?

1:16:29 Caller Medical stuff.

1:16:31 Drew Who knows? I don't know.

1:16:32 Caller A person at their company just committed suicide this weekend.

1:16:38 Drew So it's a bad time for the company?

1:16:41 Caller I really don't know.

1:16:42 Guest I haven't talked to them.

1:16:43 Drew Heather, can you, A, don't, don't...

1:16:47 Adam Don't take this out on yourself.

1:16:48 Drew Yeah. And slow down with the guys. I mean, I know you're a rape, but I mean, I worry about you.

1:16:56 Adam Yeah.

1:16:57 Drew I don't want you to go down the road with your sister right now.

1:16:59 Adam And get in and see someone. Get proper health care, okay? Get a pelvic exam.

1:17:05 Guest All right.

1:17:06 Drew And be good to yourself, would you? Yeah.

1:17:09 Guest Okay.

1:17:10 Drew Okay. Here's the deal, everybody. Just because your parents were really bad to you, or your babysitter was really bad to you, or your neighbor's, your uncle, or your grandparents, or whoever looked after you was really bad to you, doesn't mean you have to keep doing it. You can go the opposite way. Do what I do. I'm really good to me.

1:17:25 Adam Yeah. That really pisses your parents off.

1:17:28 Drew Yeah. My parents were cheap bastards, and now I go out and, you know, I go to the store and drop 500 bucks.

1:17:34 Guest Nice.

1:17:35 Drew Take care of myself.

1:17:36 Guest Nice. You're loving yourself.

1:17:37 Guest Treat yourself right.

1:17:37 Adam Yeah.

1:17:38 Guest You're loving yourself.

1:17:39 Guest That's right.

1:17:40 Adam Those are me days for you, aren't they?

1:17:41 Drew Every day is a me day now. That's right. That's right. Be good to yourself. Why pick up where they left off? Why not you take care of yourself? They weren't good. Okay. You'll be good to you. It's so sad that we have to keep that going. Just find another abusive person. It's like, okay, dad's not around. I'll get an abusive boyfriend. Dad's a little too old to abuse. He hurt his back abusing me. He's on the disabled abuse list. Like a new guy, step right in. He's young. He's strong. You can get some good abuse out of him.

1:18:15 Guest It's true.

1:18:15 Drew Why pick up where they left off? Craig?

1:18:19 Guest Yeah.

1:18:19 Drew You're 17?

1:18:20 Caller Yeah.

1:18:21 Drew What's up there, stoner?

1:18:23 Caller No, not a stoner, dude.

1:18:24 Guest Really?

1:18:25 Adam Oh, come on.

1:18:26 Drew Come on, dude.

1:18:27 Guest Yeah. Sorry, dude.

1:18:29 Guest Every once in a while.

1:18:30 Adam Yeah, like three times a day.

1:18:32 Drew Right.

1:18:33 Guest 20 minutes ago or something.

1:18:34 Adam Yeah, no kidding. No kidding. Yeah.

1:18:36 Drew By the way, when you're claiming not to be a stoner, it's a good idea not to work the word dude in to your argument. Yeah.

1:18:43 Guest Yeah.

1:18:43 Drew How dare you, dude?

1:18:46 Adam Well, and also, they should be-

1:18:47 Guest Or in the same breath, admit that you smoked 20 minutes ago.

1:18:49 Adam But by the way, when you-

1:18:51 Guest These are things to take into consideration before the next time.

1:18:54 Adam One of the things that the Marijuana X do is they have sound that connects words. It's, no, dude, it's just constant sound.

1:19:03 Caller Yeah. No, but I seriously-

1:19:05 Adam Oh, really? Yeah, I'm serious. What's up, dude?

1:19:09 Caller What's up, dude? What's going on? It's been four months. But anyways, I've been like- I've been dipping tune tobacco for like two years now. Yeah.

1:19:17 Caller And I was just wondering what the effects of that are, like what we can do.

1:19:20 Adam It's probably the most addictive way you can do tobacco. And smokeless tobacco or chewing tobacco is, is one of the more serious health problems we've got right now. It causes cancer of the mouth, tongue, Well, they now have rectal tobacco.

1:19:33 Drew Have you seen that, Drew?

1:19:34 Caller That's pretty solid.

1:19:35 Guest Tobacco depositories? Nice.

1:19:37 Drew That's even a more, more effective way to hardline.

1:19:40 Guest Sure.

1:19:40 Adam You have to work at the chewing action. It takes a little while to develop that. And you can see when they get the spittoon going, boy.

1:19:48 Drew Stand back. And it better have a wide brim on it because those rookies, they don't hit it every time.

1:19:54 Guest Use the sink. That's nasty. That's nasty stuff, Craig. I actually had a relative dip tobacco for a really long time. And he's just, his mouth and his gums and everything that's going on in there that goes on in one's mouth is just, it's just a mess.

1:20:08 Drew And you know what? It's the only addiction that's not attractive to women.

1:20:13 Guest It's true.

1:20:13 Drew They don't mind bruising and heroin, but they'd rather go out with a junkie than with a guy who dipped.

1:20:19 Guest Yeah.

1:20:20 Drew That's the beauty of women.

1:20:20 Guest You don't want to kiss a guy who's dipping.

1:20:21 Drew No.

1:20:22 Guest It's not nice.

1:20:23 Caller Yeah, I never do it with other women.

1:20:25 Guest No, no, no.

1:20:25 Adam They mean the condition leaves your mouth in general.

1:20:28 Guest Yeah.

1:20:28 Guest That doesn't just come out with one brushing.

1:20:30 Drew Oh, and that spit cup that's around that freaks everybody out. You think it's like a flat Pepsi and then you look into it. Bubbles and it's... As a Craig, what can you do? What can Craig do?

1:20:43 Adam You can get Nicaragum, you can get the Zyban, which is the thing that helped you with the cravings, but it is a very powerful addiction.

1:20:51 Caller Chilgum. See, but I don't even know if I'm addicted to it.

1:20:53 Drew Well, why don't you try to stop and find out?

1:20:55 Caller Like, I've gone like five days without it, like when I go on vacation or something with my parents.

1:20:59 Adam Yeah, that's not a long time.

1:21:01 Drew Well, if you're addicted, that's not bad. Why don't you just, why don't you see if you can drop it?

1:21:08 Caller Yeah, that's probably not a bad idea.

1:21:10 Drew It's not a great long term idea that dipping.

1:21:12 Adam Nicotine patches, Nicorid gum, Xiband, all kinds of things that help you out there, but it is an extremely powerful addiction.

1:21:20 Drew Yeah, you think the gum would work better for those guys.

1:21:23 Adam Yeah, that's what I think too.

1:21:24 Drew Something to put in there.

1:21:25 Adam Gum plus Xiband, that's what I would do.

1:21:27 Drew You ever do any dip in there, Drew?

1:21:29 Adam No, never have. It's so hard to believe.

1:21:33 Drew Yeah, the...

1:21:34 Adam Dipper, Drew. The years of it.

1:21:38 Drew You know, that weird, the skull is like all almost powdery, you know, you swallow a lot, you're like... Sticks to your tongue and stuff. But if you get that red man, like the real tobacco leaves, and you ball it up and shove it in there...

1:21:51 Guest It's not bad for a ball game. Good times.

1:21:53 Drew Good times, yeah, it's good for a ball game. I remember one time we were... You know, baseball players have to... The thing about playing baseball is it's a boring sport, so you gotta come up with ways to sort of supplement your sport. Just think of it, I mean, like, guys dip and they do sunflower seeds and bubble gum and they get in all sorts of rituals in the dugout. You're some relief pitcher, you're sitting in a dugout for like eleven hours. You better come up with something. Amuse yourself. Yeah, you gotta come up with stuff. So we were on the bus in high school and everyone is sitting on it. We had like an away game and everyone already loaded up into the bus. And someone said, who's got the chewing tobacco? And everyone looked around and said, well, we forgot it. Who's we don't have it. And we couldn't get off the bus because the bus was kind of packed up and the coaches weren't going to let anyone go anywhere. And Beth Ringwald, Molly Ringwald's sister, came by the bus. She went to high school with me and we yelled out the window to her, Beth, Beth, run over the corner, go to the liquor store, get us some tobacco and run back and throw in the bus before we got to take off and go play some baseball game. She ran the thing, she came back, she brought pipe tobacco. Big old sack of pipe tobacco. You'd shoot it. Yeah, we'd shoot it. Sure. That's why women can't be trusted. Let that be a lesson to all of you. All right, we'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be back.

1:23:13 Guest You know what I'm saying now, Dad?

1:23:15 Caller Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.

1:23:27 Drew Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Drew, close that door. Would you there, brother? Samantha Mathis, Ken Marino, James Roday are all here from First Years. Monday nights, nine o'clock.

1:23:39 Guest I'd just like to quickly thank our assistant production coordinator, Todd Arthan. He's a big reason why we're all able to make it here this evening.

1:23:45 Guest Thank you, Todd. Thank you, Kerry.

1:23:48 Guest Thank you, Todd and Kerry.

1:23:50 Drew They get you out on time, or what do they do? Are you just pissing their ass, or are you making fun of them?

1:23:54 Guest We've got the sack together.

1:23:57 Drew Eric?

1:23:58 Caller Hey.

1:23:59 Drew Hey, you're 26.

1:24:00 Caller Yeah, long time listener, first time caller.

1:24:03 Drew Great.

1:24:05 Caller Second one time.

1:24:05 Caller I have venereal warts that I got from my girlfriend, and I was wondering when I put the stuff, the condolox that they said to put on there, I put it on there and it burned them.

1:24:20 Guest Right.

1:24:20 Caller And then, like, it must not be healing right or something because it will like heal to the underwear, and then when I have to peel it off, it stings bad.

1:24:30 Adam Do you get a scab?

1:24:32 Guest Yeah.

1:24:32 Drew So is this stuff burning off? Is it like an acid?

1:24:35 Adam Yeah, basically.

1:24:36 Drew You put it on the wart.

1:24:38 Adam Pedophilin, yeah.

1:24:40 Drew Put on the wart and it sort of burns it off?

1:24:42 Adam There's a new one called Aldera that's not quite as caustic as that.

1:24:46 Drew And then, yeah, so he must be like scabbing up and then sticks his underpants.

1:24:50 Adam Right. Is that right? Yeah. Are you putting the condylox on yourself? Yeah.

1:24:55 Guest Can't you put a band-aid over it or something?

1:24:57 Drew Hey, spray your underwear down with Pam like I do before I put them on.

1:25:00 Adam Is this a dermatologist giving you this?

1:25:02 Drew Slide right off. End of the day?

1:25:04 Caller A general practitioner.

1:25:06 Adam Yeah, you might want to see a dermatologist.

1:25:08 Drew Well, does he want to go back to him each time and have him apply?

1:25:11 Adam That's what he used to do.

1:25:12 Drew Why can't he put it on himself?

1:25:14 Adam He can, but it sounds like he needs more supervision than he's getting.

1:25:18 Caller That's what I was thinking.

1:25:18 Adam Yeah, you're not quite doing this. How long do you leave it on when you put it on?

1:25:22 Caller I just put it on and then went to work or whatever I needed to do.

1:25:25 Adam Yeah, you're leaving it on too long.

1:25:27 Guest Oh, okay.

1:25:28 Adam Okay, read the directions, read the package insert, and then get back and maybe see a dermatologist about this.

1:25:33 Drew What are you supposed to do?

1:25:33 Guest Yeah, when you're...

1:25:34 Guest Yeah?

1:25:35 Adam I mean, you leave it on.

1:25:36 Drew Ken, you sure you want to say something about this?

1:25:38 Guest When you're applying like some sort of acid thing to your penis, you probably do want to read the directions.

1:25:44 Guest That's probably a good idea.

1:25:45 Adam Yeah, not bad.

1:25:46 Drew Yeah, give him a glance at least.

1:25:47 Guest Don't guesstimate on how to use it.

1:25:49 Drew So, Drew, you put it on and...

1:25:51 Adam You leave it on for a few hours. But you leave it on longer, it will burn the crap. It's like you'll burn a hole in your penis.

1:25:57 Drew Get through to the other side. Darren?

1:26:01 Adam Yes, hello, hello?

1:26:02 Drew Hey, hello, hello.

1:26:03 Adam Darren?

1:26:03 Guest I've been living with my girlfriend for six years and I've been living with her for four. And she really, really wants to get married and I really, really love her, but I'm not sure how to tell her I don't want to get married.

1:26:12 Adam You really, really love her and you're really having a good time, but you really, really don't want to get married.

1:26:15 Guest I don't want to really get married.

1:26:17 Drew Why not?

1:26:18 Guest Because I find it bring down my style a little bit.

1:26:22 Guest Bring down your style?

1:26:23 Adam Loathe is your style.

1:26:24 Guest What's your style?

1:26:25 Guest Being alone.

1:26:27 Guest But you've been with this woman for six years?

1:26:28 Guest We're not married.

1:26:29 Drew I like your style, Darren. Yeah, you want to be alone.

1:26:32 Guest Are you a monogamous to this woman?

1:26:33 Guest Yes, I am.

1:26:35 Drew Yeah, I can see Darren's style too. He drives an 89 Ford Pro. He wears stonewashed jeans. He's kind of going on.

1:26:42 Guest How old are you, Darren?

1:26:43 Guest I'm 24.

1:26:43 Guest How old is she?

1:26:44 Guest I'm 26.

1:26:45 Guest You don't want to get married ever or you just don't want to get married?

1:26:47 Guest I don't want to get married right now. I'm 24. You know, 24 is pretty young.

1:26:50 Adam Darren, are you running on a treadmill or a stairmaster or something right now?

1:26:53 Drew What are you? Are you Filipino? What's your nationality? You're one of those fast talking nationalities. I'm white. White? I've never met a white guy to talk that fast. I thought you were one of those fast talking nationalities. I'm talking fast. Yeah, a little fast.

1:27:07 Guest A little fast, yeah. Just relax.

1:27:10 Drew Okay, so you don't want to get married. You're 24.

1:27:12 Adam That's understandable.

1:27:14 Guest How should I tell her that without her and her feelings, I really, really care for her, but...

1:27:18 Adam I'm not sure...

1:27:20 Drew How old is she?

1:27:21 Guest 26.

1:27:21 Adam I think women ought to have a rule of thumb that they live for a guy one year, then if there's no... If it's not going on to marries, then move on.

1:27:27 Guest I mean, we live with her for...

1:27:28 Adam I know, but I think it's too long.

1:27:30 Guest Oh, is it?

1:27:31 Adam Well, it's too long for her, not for you, and don't force yourself into a marriage if you're not ready.

1:27:35 Drew Darren, what if it was a choice between losing her or marrying her?

1:27:40 Guest Well, I don't want to lose her. I don't want to lose her at all, but I don't want to get married.

1:27:44 Drew Thank you for covering that, Dan. Very definitive. You should run for office. You really should with those kind of answers.

1:27:50 Guest That though...

1:27:54 Drew Do you need your own space? Is that what it is? Yeah, I'm very independent.

1:27:58 Adam Listen, men are not ready to get married until they get ready.

1:28:00 Drew Very independent is code for JacksOff a lot, by the way. I'm the same way. I'm very independent. That means I nap and Jack off constantly. That's what independent is. I guess I'm independent, too. I'm an independent man. You're an independent young guy, right? When I'm not napping, I'm jacking off. Very independent. I'm never on the go. Wow.

1:28:19 Guest I didn't know that's what independent man is.

1:28:21 Caller I was independent a few times today.

1:28:23 Adam In the Declaration of Independence, those guys?

1:28:26 Guest I'm learning more about my cast, man.

1:28:28 Adam The cast? How about the founding fathers? Declaration of Independence.

1:28:32 Drew Every day is Independence Day for me and my kids. It's a fireworks show in my underpants every night when I go home. Yeah, you know, there's, I don't know what, I know guys have this more than women, but there is a certain feeling of having their space invaded. Is it, is it, let me float this. You watch all these nature shows and every one of, every time the male is territorial. Women are never territorial. Men are territorial. All the, I don't know if they're alligators, lions, reptiles are not territorial, every animal is territorial. And maybe guys just have an ass full of that territorial and we don't like our space invaded.

1:29:16 Adam That maybe, I just think guys need to establish the sense of themselves in the world before they know whether or not they're ready to get married. Until they have a career set up, they know who the hell they are, what they, and some of it is getting their number squared. Right. You know what I'm saying? We talked about this last night, that guys sort of very much measure themselves by who they are and what they do.

1:29:32 Drew What do you mean?

1:29:33 Guest Is that what you're saying? By numbers?

1:29:35 Drew Well, there's a feeling, I think, with some guys, I don't know if it's all guys, but there's a feeling for guys at 24 which is like, okay, I'm not the greatest looking guy and I'm not the richest guy, but you know, in about six years, if things go according to plan, I could be driving a Porsche, I could have some hair plugs, I get myself some lifts and my shoes, and I could be moving up the dating ladder just a little bit. So let's not make a mistake and get married now. Yeah, you hate for the gravy train to come pouring in and I'm with Fats Alley over here, nailed to the cross.

1:30:09 Guest Horrible to grow up being named Fats Alley. It's a bad name.

1:30:13 Drew Fats, her friends call her. True, is that what you're saying?

1:30:18 Adam And guys really will regret letting somebody they really love go, but know that they could not have married them because they weren't ready yet.

1:30:25 Drew All right, let's take ourselves a little break. I may go number two in the sink this time, just to send a message to the way I would want staff.

1:30:32 Guest Stop talking about it and do it.

1:30:33 Drew All right, we'll be back.

1:30:40 Guest Are you ready?

1:30:43 Drew I don't know. Was I talking on the air?

1:30:46 Adam Are you going to drive home?

1:30:47 Drew Yeah, I'm going to drive home later. Still wearing the tie.

1:30:49 Adam Also, anyone who goes to Frequence Raves, again, we're going to start having some sort of listener loveline. We're going to start having some sort of listener loveline. You can call Ann Engold at 818-567-1067. Between 10 and 2, if you're here in Los Angeles and you go to Raves, you want to come on loveline Sunday night, a week from Sunday, give Ann a call.

1:31:10 Drew We'll turn the lights nice and dim for you so we won't upset you.

1:31:13 Adam Music up.

1:31:14 Drew Well, Drew, are you in a techno or house now? House. You started techno.

1:31:19 Adam Yeah. My wife and I, that's the only last thing we share.

1:31:22 Drew Techno brought you together and house is what keeps it working?

1:31:26 Adam It's just hands it. It keeps it real.

1:31:27 Drew That's beautiful.

1:31:29 Adam As long as you're keeping it real.

1:31:30 Drew Yeah. If you're keeping it real, that's all that counts. I want to thank Samantha, Ken and Jane for all coming in here. First Years, everybody, Monday nights, 9 o'clock. Go out now.

1:31:40 Adam NBC.

1:31:41 Drew Stay home and watch the show. Thank you, NBC. I do appreciate it, guys. Next time you show up, I'll be sober. 50-50 chance I'll be sober.

1:31:49 Adam He will not be dressed like a United Airlines pilot.

1:31:51 Drew Thank you.

1:31:52 Guest So, Promises, promises.

1:31:53 Drew Until next time, this is Adam Crawford. Dr. Drew is saying Mahalo. Boy, am I drunk.

1:31:59 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff management sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, March 21, 2001