Episode 1000754887237

6:03 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

6:06 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

6:12 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

6:14 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

6:16 Voiceover Loveline.

6:18 Voiceover Yep, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Tonight, our guest is David Arquette. Last time we saw David, I was calling him nuts on the radio and he came right in the studio about four minutes after I set it on the air. It was really one of the worst.

6:45 Drew Most surreal.

6:46 Adam Most surreal moments of my life. I never expected that in a thousand years.

6:51 Drew David's taking a bow for thanks. Thank you. Pleasure to have created that moment for you.

6:55 Adam It was pretty amazing. I mean, I think David was driving home from a Lakers game. He was listening to Loveline as well he should have. And he heard Drew saying some things about him. I tried to calm him down. No, I said, David is nuts.

7:11 David Arquette But that's not the first time or the last time.

7:14 Adam But I said, always stay talented and nice too. Don't I, Drew?

7:19 Drew Yes.

7:19 David Arquette I think there's something going on there. I think it's something deeper. I think, I don't know. What is it, Adam? What is it about me that intrigues you so much? What is it? I mean, not to point out the obvious, but you did do certain commercials that sort of emulate commercials that I've done.

7:37 Drew He at least followed in his footsteps.

7:38 Adam Yeah, that's right. Yes, yes. Oh my God.

7:40 Drew Were you hoping to meet him at the set of a commercial or something?

7:43 Adam I was hoping they would pair us up together. I have to do like two or three more of those at the end of this week, which will be six for me. But David, how many of those have you done all total?

7:57 David Arquette Geez, I've done like 13 actually.

8:00 Adam Really? And how many have aired? Have all 13 of them aired?

8:03 David Arquette No, there's two that are sitting that are going to come out soon.

8:06 Adam Oh my God. I'll tell you, what a racket. I'll tell you, off the air, I'm going to figure out how much David is getting paid for those things. And then, Drew, I want you to be ready with a nitroglycerin tablet and the paddles, okay? And I want you to have my manager on the phone when he gives me that prize. So David is here because, well, because he likes to stop by and bust my balls.

8:31 David Arquette Yeah, I'm here to fight, really. We're going to throw down.

8:35 Adam David is also in between kicking my ass. He's going to talk a little about Scream 3, which is out February 4th, and the train just keeps a rolling with that Scream trilogy.

8:49 David Arquette Yeah. This is the last stop.

8:51 Drew Oh, is it?

8:51 Adam It is.

8:51 David Arquette Yeah, for us. I mean, they're going to own the name and the franchise, so they might do other things without the original people involved. But I know as far as me and Neve and Courtney and Wes go, I pretty much think that's the end for us, except down the road when we're broke and, I don't want to just make another one. Yeah. There's always the possibility that reunion.

9:18 Adam Is it, are you contractually obliged to do these three? I mean, why do three? Why did everyone do three? Everyone's got money, everyone's successful, everyone's going ahead with their career, and if so, then why not four?

9:32 David Arquette Well, it was sort of hard to, not hard to do, I mean, God, it's an honor to be able to be a part of something like that, but, you know, there's an element of feeling like you're a sellout and kind of like, you know, you don't really have to do it, you know, there's, I don't know, you know, kind of just...

9:52 Drew Three is enough.

9:53 David Arquette Yeah, three is enough.

9:54 Adam Alright, and what's it like working with your wife? Because...

9:57 David Arquette That's the best part.

9:58 Adam Is it?

9:58 David Arquette Yeah, it really is for me. That's what I enjoy the most. I mean, in this business, you don't really get to, you know, a lot of people don't even get to see their siblings. So, or I mean...

10:08 Drew Spouse.

10:09 David Arquette Spouse.

10:09 Drew Did you...

10:10 Adam Well, you don't get to see your siblings much either.

10:12 David Arquette Yeah, I'd like to work with them.

10:14 Drew Did you meet on that set?

10:15 David Arquette We met on the first one, yeah.

10:18 Adam And so you, let's see, so you finished, or let's say, when were you working on Scream 3?

10:23 David Arquette How long ago? Shoot, summertime, like toward the end of the summertime.

10:29 Adam And you guys got married, how long ago?

10:31 David Arquette We got married right before it, seven months ago.

10:34 Adam So it's like, you got married and you got to do a movie together, which is the best time, by the way, because you don't want to get married, have five years go by, and then do a movie together because that's trouble.

10:45 Drew Then you're like the grandparents on The Simpsons.

10:47 Adam Yeah. You'll be going at it.

10:50 David Arquette We actually got to do a movie right before, called The Shrink is In, so we were able to work right before and right after. It was pretty great.

10:58 Adam You want to do more of that?

10:59 David Arquette Yeah. I enjoy it more than anything. It's just so great to work with her as a peer and see other sides of her and see her talent and just have fun and act. It's such an honor to be able to act in general and to do it for a career and then to be able to do it with your loved one. It's just great. It's everything I hope.

11:23 Adam Drew, that's what you should be saying during interviews when you talk about this show.

11:28 Drew No. I would have a pleasure to be dealing with you.

11:30 Adam That's right.

11:32 Drew I talk about how grateful I am to do the work I do. You don't hear that that much in this business.

11:37 Adam No, you don't.

11:37 Drew David was one of the first people I heard real gratitude come out of.

11:40 Adam It is true.

11:41 Drew It's really not from you.

11:42 Adam No, I'm bitter. I've been in this business for 10 minutes. I'm already pissed off. But what about your sisters? I mean, have you done a movie with them?

11:53 David Arquette No. I mean, I'd love to. It's just sort of... I've worked with my brother, Richmond Arquette a lot, and I've worked with my father, Louis Arquette a lot.

12:02 Adam And is there... Has anyone ever approached you with scripts where it's like, we'll do the whole Arquette family?

12:08 David Arquette No, everyone sort of mentions it in interviews and stuff, but we just haven't sort of really done it.

12:13 Drew Every interview, Adam.

12:13 David Arquette Oh, right, all right.

12:15 Drew No, not every interview.

12:16 Adam Listen, I ain't never... You know, here's quite frankly the problem with interviewing. And I'm horrible at it, I really am. But you're gonna hear the same questions over and over again, because you do Scream 3, and every interview you do, they're gonna say, are you gonna do Scream 4, or why not Scream 4? What about working with Roseanne? You know, I know I feel like an idiot, but it's like, it's that question, like when a band comes in here with a funky name. You gotta say, where did you guys get the name? But the band is pissed off, because they answer it every single night. But on the other hand, you never asked it to them, and you're dropping the ball if you don't ask them.

12:54 David Arquette No, you're doing great.

12:55 Adam Thank you.

12:55 David Arquette Just keep it up. Don't abandon us, Loveline seekers.

13:00 Adam All right, well, we're gonna hop on the phones here, and I'll abandon the interview for at least this long, and we'll hear something from David's band at year 2000 before the night is up, which is, he has a song on the Scream 3 soundtrack, by the way. Charles?

13:18 Yes.

13:19 Adam Year 25? Yes. What's up?

13:22 Well, my wife kind of like lost her sex drive, and she's had a baby. She's had it in August, and then suddenly I got to not only fight with her, just to keep nagging her all the time for sex and stuff.

13:35 Drew Has she been depressed?

13:37 Yes.

13:37 Drew So she's also depressed? Is she depressed?

13:41 Yes, she is. She says she is depressed, but she says she is content with her life. I mean, she's happy. She loves me.

13:46 Drew Is she being treated for a depression?

13:48 No, she is not.

13:49 Drew Okay. The biological changes that women go through after a baby can sometimes precipitate severe depressions. It's called a postpartum depression.

13:56 Okay.

13:56 Drew And they can be quite serious and dangerous.

13:58 Adam How long ago did she have the kid?

13:59 Drew Eight months.

14:01 Adam In August. Okay.

14:02 Drew And so it is maybe part of the depression. It may be just the sort of normal hormonal changes that go on after baby. It's very common for women to have diminished sex drive for a couple of years sometime. Well, certainly the first year after baby.

14:15 Adam And how about, Drew, that's why, oh, your wife had the triplets.

14:20 Drew It was shut down.

14:21 Adam Yeah. Drew just had to go back door for like, well, it's been a couple of years now, right?

14:26 Drew No, actually, somebody put her on a triphasic pill, which sort of restored her chemistry back to normal and everything was back to normal again.

14:34 Adam Good, because the nanny was getting sore.

14:38 David Arquette What about the triphasic pill for her?

14:41 Drew That's one thing to start with, is try to talk to the gynecologist, the obstetrician about maybe getting around something that could bring her chemistry around. And the other is to make sure that you talk to this doctor about the possibility of a real depression. And if they treat her for depression, make sure they don't use the serotonin reuptake inhibitors, at least not the usual ones, because they can make the sex drive problems worse.

15:00 Okay.

15:01 Adam All right, Charles. How often are you getting sex?

15:05 Well, it's been like maybe once a month. Yeah. But every time I ask, she gets aggravated. She said it puts her out of the mood when I ask for it.

15:12 Drew Yeah. For women, women are really sensitive to the biology. If they are not sort of biologically prone, they are not receptive and it all is just sort of weird and yucky. Just like, oh, you're gross.

15:21 And because I don't see her very much because I work second and she works first. The one time I get to see her is at night.

15:27 Drew And there's the stress of having a child and whatnot that comes to bear.

15:30 David Arquette Yeah, try a little romance, too. I mean, just for to keep your love alive.

15:35 Adam Yeah, maybe I should shoot a movie together or something. No, I mean, you do.

15:39 Writer of poem.

15:40 Adam You cannot muscle your way in with a woman.

15:44 Drew No.

15:45 Adam You really can't. You have to sort of play by their rules.

15:49 Drew Do not assume what you would want is what they would want.

15:51 Adam And if they're telling you, hey, it ain't working when you ask nice or whatever, now you've got to go to the well. I mean, you've got to light the candles. You've got to leave the trail of rose petals to the bathtub. You've got to buy the candy, the jewelry. And then it's raping time. Jill, you're 17.

16:12 Caller Yeah. I want to know why my I can't get guys my age. I go out with like 25 year olds.

16:20 Drew Why do you go out? Why do you allow 25 year olds to take you out?

16:24 Caller Well, because like, I don't know, they're like, I don't know, I like them. They're like, they look old.

16:29 Drew So it's not about...

16:30 Adam You like them.

16:31 Drew You seek them.

16:33 Caller Yeah.

16:33 Adam All right.

16:34 Drew Well, you seek them out. That's why you go out with them.

16:36 Adam With who you want to go out with?

16:37 Caller I want to go out with the guys my age because everyone thinks I'm like, you know, weird.

16:41 Drew Well, you should go out with guys your own age. Guys that much older kind of have a... The ones that would go out with you, we have a problem with.

16:47 Adam But the question is not why aren't guys your own age attracted to you. It's why are you attracted to guys who are seven, eight years older than you?

16:56 Caller That's just the only guys I can get.

16:58 Drew No.

16:58 Caller That's like, I can't, like, 17-year-old guys like in my class, they won't go out with me. They just won't.

17:06 Adam What do you mean they won't? All right, you're attractive, right?

17:09 Caller Yeah.

17:09 Adam Yeah, so they'll go out with you.

17:11 Caller No, but they won't.

17:13 Adam How do you know? Have you asked anyone out?

17:15 Caller I've asked people, like my friends and stuff, and they were like, no. And like, I don't know.

17:21 Adam Why do you think they're not attracted to you and 25-year-olds are?

17:25 Caller Well, I don't know. They're just like 25-year-olds. I don't know. They talk to me and stuff. And I get along with them better.

17:33 Adam All right. Well, you get along with them better. Listen, why don't you compromise and go out with like a 19-year-old?

17:38 Caller They won't go out with me either.

17:41 Adam Listen, believe me, anybody will go out with you.

17:44 David Arquette Yeah, I know. You should kind of a little bit get off your high horse and kind of try to like get back down to the seventh grade mentality.

17:51 Drew 25-year-old is a little 17-year-old. Right. 25-year-old is a little better at sussing out a victim probably.

17:57 Adam Yeah.

17:57 Drew So they're probably putting on a better face to get where they need to go.

18:00 Adam Yeah, but don't do so much externalizing. You're not going out with people your own age because you don't want to go out with people your own age. And that's, believe me, you'll get what you want with the dating eventually.

18:13 Drew That's true in life in general, really.

18:15 Adam Yes. Rob, I mean, wherever you are, It's not that you like being there, but it's where you put yourself and where you're going to be unless you do something about it and there's a reason. And it's all about you. Rob?

18:27 Yes.

18:28 Adam You're 28.

18:28 Caller Yes.

18:29 Adam What's up?

18:31 Caller I guess, well, first of all, you guys have a great show.

18:34 Adam Thanks.

18:35 Caller A lot of good things for a lot of people. I wish I had the show when I was a teenager. I have a problem. The easiest way that I can think of...

18:44 Drew Where do you live, Rob?

18:45 Caller Excuse me?

18:45 Drew Where do you live?

18:46 Caller In Chicago.

18:48 Drew Why? If you lived in Los Angeles, you did have the show.

18:51 Adam Oh, you did have the show as a teenager. That's right. Drew, seriously, how long have you been doing the show in Los Angeles?

18:57 Drew 16 years.

18:58 Adam 16 years. All right. So you would have been 12, Rob.

19:02 David Arquette All right.

19:02 Caller So I don't have an excuse.

19:03 Adam No, but you lived in Chicago, so...

19:05 David Arquette Right.

19:06 Adam Okay. So what's up?

19:08 Caller The easiest way I can think of how to put this is like, when guys jump into a cold pool, they're nuts, just suck up.

19:15 Adam Right.

19:16 Caller And I have that a lot. And I think, I want to ask, I had a medulla blastoma.

19:25 Drew Wow.

19:26 Caller Yeah. And so I had radiation right to my head.

19:29 Drew Yeah.

19:30 Caller I don't have any hair.

19:31 Drew Right.

19:31 Caller I'm wondering, people say that you don't have any hair, the heat escapes out of your head. I'm always pretty much cold.

19:38 Adam Interesting.

19:38 Drew So your testes are trying to keep warm?

19:40 Adam Now, do your testes go up in you, or does the skin just thicken up so it looks like a cat's brain?

19:46 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

19:48 A coral?

19:49 Adam It looks like a coral.

19:51 David Arquette A walnut.

19:51 Adam Right.

19:52 Caller Right.

19:53 Exactly. Exactly.

19:54 Adam But they don't go up in you, they just get that...

19:57 Drew Thickened. Thickened look.

19:59 Adam Right. What is that? Does it thicken? How does that happen?

20:02 Drew It's contract. It constricts.

20:04 Adam Yeah, I know. But how does the skin on your test...

20:06 Drew It's not the skin. It's a dartose tunic.

20:08 Adam Okay. But listen, on a hot day, my nuts, they'll drag on the ground on a hot day.

20:15 Drew I've seen that.

20:16 Adam You've seen it, right? Right. I mean, they'll hang down past my knee on a good hot day. But then on a good cold day, that skin will be three inches thick all the way around.

20:27 Drew That all what's been hanging down below has got to come on up.

20:30 Adam Yeah. But it's as if the skin got thicker.

20:34 Drew Yeah. Well, that's basically how it... It's the dartos tunic, really. It just pulls in.

20:38 Adam Okay. There's no other part of your body. I mean, your cheeks never do that. Your nostrils never do that.

20:43 Drew The dartos tunic does kind of thicken up. It does.

20:46 Adam I'm just saying, there's no other part of your body that has any kind of change that way. I mean, you get little goose bumps or something, but it doesn't change its thickness.

20:55 Drew Did you get any chemotherapy? Yes. What did you get?

20:59 Caller I forget the name of it, but the first round of it was pretty intense.

21:05 Drew Was it like cyclophosphamide, something like that?

21:07 Caller Vin-Christine.

21:08 Drew Okay. Yeah, that's one of them.

21:10 Adam What do you have? A brain tumor?

21:12 Caller Yeah.

21:13 Adam Oh, boy. And is your hair ever going to come back?

21:16 Caller I doubt it.

21:17 Adam How long ago was it?

21:18 Caller About five and a half years ago.

21:20 Drew That's great, though. That's great that you're doing so well. But I bet, have you had a sperm count down or anything like that?

21:27 Caller Yeah, I did. And actually, I don't know, they didn't read it right, but I had a pretty large, I guess, sperm count.

21:33 Drew I wonder if something has changed in your testicular sort of makeup, let's say. Maybe they've shrunk or testosterone is down or something as a result of the chemo has changed the actual organ function.

21:45 Adam Why don't you put a beanie on and see if you're an ant's drowning?

21:48 Drew I bet you it's more along those lines. Some of that chemo does affect the gonia.

21:52 Adam But it's not heat escaping from your head.

21:54 Drew No.

21:55 Adam That's half the guys walking around out there bald.

21:58 Drew Think about how kids, when you were a young boy, how up there things were all the time.

22:03 Adam Yeah.

22:03 Drew That's before the testes fully develops.

22:05 Adam Yeah.

22:06 Drew So if you're shrinking it back down with the chemo.

22:09 Adam Right. Does chemo shrink it up?

22:11 Drew Can.

22:12 Adam Oh, man. One more reason not to get cancer, buddy. Michael?

22:16 Yes.

22:17 Adam You're 25.

22:18 Caller That's right.

22:18 Adam What's up?

22:20 Caller Well, I I've been I've been having these these dreams where I was telling the phone screener it's it's like not anybody that I necessarily know but where I'm like having sex and it's not like a sexual sexual dream where I'm necessarily like wake up and I'm aroused but it's just like an event that's happening in the dream and I'm sort of like observing it but it's another guy and I'm not gay at least I don't think I'm gay.

22:48 Adam What's he what's the other guy doing is he doing something to you or you just watching him?

22:52 Caller No I'm doing something to him. I'm I'm like the perpetrator.

22:57 Drew This is all that these are frequently you have these dreams just one time you had.

22:59 Caller They've only been like two or three but they've kind of been in succession and recently.

23:04 Adam What do you what are you doing?

23:08 Caller Well I mean I'm I'm like I'm having sex with them you know I'm I'm doing them.

23:13 Drew From behind.

23:14 Adam From behind huh?

23:15 Caller There you go.

23:17 Adam Wow see I'd wake up. I would.

23:21 Drew It's like what the dream when you die or something? You wake up just before you die.

23:24 Adam Yeah you fall off a building and you land and yeah when something gets too weird I wake up. That's my theory by the way behind my dreams I have very pedestrian dreams. I have dreams I go down to the fridge. I'm out of something. That's like a dream of mine and I realize that if I had grandiose dreams I would wake up. If I was nailing a supermodel I would wake up. If I was conquering a country I would wake up.

23:49 Drew Absolutely too over the top weird.

23:51 Adam If I was scoring the winning touchdown in a Super Bowl I would wake up because I would know something was wrong.

23:58 Drew It would be disturbing to you.

23:59 Caller Well I wake it up.

24:01 Adam Well that's bad.

24:02 Drew Michael I don't know if that means anything. Your relationships are going okay?

24:07 Caller My relationships?

24:08 Drew Yeah.

24:08 Caller I mean I have a girlfriend but I have in the past and they were pretty normal.

24:14 Drew Yeah.

24:14 Caller You have dreams like that then so.

24:16 Drew I just, it's whatever.

24:17 Adam Yeah. Don't read too much into it.

24:19 Drew I just, yeah.

24:20 Caller Yeah.

24:21 Drew I guess just having them like, to have, believe it or not, I know guys don't like hearing this, but that it is pretty much all men have some same sex attractions. And so really you could look at this as a very healthy thing. It's just some sort of expression of something that's just part of you. It's not your primary orientation. It's just that's something that came and went. That's all there's to it.

24:42 Caller Well, all right. I'll look on the bright side.

24:45 David Arquette Yeah. Yeah. Try to think of it as sort of, maybe it's some sort of metaphor for moving up in the workplace or something. Yeah.

24:53 Drew Usually, at various stages of development, men tend to have these kinds of feelings. Maybe it's some throwback to something he had.

24:59 David Arquette Well, let's just say maybe you want to go to Ecuador or something. I don't know. Let's not go there.

25:05 Adam I've had dreams where women got undressed and had a penis. I've had that one before. Oh, yeah. Oh.

25:14 David Arquette You didn't wake up then, did you?

25:16 Drew Oh, no.

25:17 Adam No, I was outraged. I wanted my money back.

25:19 Drew What, did they do something with it?

25:21 Adam With the penis?

25:21 Drew The magic phallus, yeah.

25:23 Adam They broke it off and hit me over the head with it.

25:25 Drew Surprise.

25:25 David Arquette Hey, go get a dream book. The guy should go get a dream book and just see what about something, I don't know. There might be something.

25:31 Drew The next dream is your mom and grandma hitting you over the head with testicles?

25:35 Adam That was not my mother and grandmother, just because it was in my grandmother's pool. And just because there were haunchy women, one middle age, one slightly older, and I was being beaten with my own testicles, does not mean it was my mother and grandmother. It could have been any two women in my grandmother's backyard that fit the description of my mother and my grandmother. Okay, Drew? Wise ass.

25:57 Drew But this prostitute with the penis, very interesting.

25:59 David Arquette Yeah, maybe that means you're going to win some award or something, some Golden Mike.

26:04 Adam I really, I've had that a couple of times. I really have. Yeah. Yeah, it's never arousing to me. I don't want to follow it up. I'm disappointed, but...

26:13 David Arquette It's not me, is it, Adam? I'm not the girl with the penis, am I?

26:17 Adam No, but I'll tell you, if I went gay, it's done it. I think...

26:21 Short it.

26:22 Adam You'd get the first call. Britta?

26:25 Caller Hi.

26:25 Adam You're 17.

26:27 Caller Yeah, I have a question about cuddling. Like guys in general, I was wondering what their viewpoint is on it, because I know with girls, it's like, oh, he likes me, he cares about me. But I'm wondering if girls, I mean if guys, if they just do it to get some later on.

26:43 Drew Yes.

26:45 Adam Well, wait a minute, because usually the cuddling comes after the sex, so they already got some. So it's not necessarily an investment.

26:52 Drew She's 17.

26:52 Just like when you're first dating and-

26:55 Drew No, I think that at your age, guys are into any kind of arousal and touching, and it's just a new and interesting and fun thing for them too.

27:02 They're what?

27:02 Drew It's a new and interesting and fun thing for them too.

27:05 Adam The novelty wears off about 19. But no, it depends what point you're at in the relationship. I think if you sleep with somebody, and I mean not only have sex, but sleep with them, there's going to be a decent amount of cuddling in the beginning of the relationship. As the relationship wears on, you get those Ricky and Lucy beds. You sleep on that side of the room, I sleep on this side of the room. But certainly at the beginning, there's a ton of that going on. Guys aren't opposed to it, especially if it means that they're doing the groundwork for their next sexual encounter with you. Are you having sex, Britta?

27:46 Caller No.

27:46 Adam You're not?

27:47 Caller No, I'm just starting in a relationship. All right.

27:50 David Arquette I take it slow with the cuddling maybe.

27:53 Caller Yeah.

27:53 Adam Is the guy cuddling?

27:56 Caller Yeah, but I think he's just doing it because he thinks he needs to get to another base.

28:03 Adam Well, hold on. Let me yell at you women for a second. You're damned if you're doing it, damned if you don't with women a lot of the times. If you don't do what they want you to do, you're screwed, obviously, if you do do what you want them to do, they think you're just doing it because you're trying to get something else out of them.

28:20 Drew You gotta do it with feeling. See, that's missing here.

28:23 Adam So you should cuddle with Gusto?

28:25 Drew Yeah.

28:26 Adam Oh, I mean, give the guy credit if he's doing it for doing it. But before a guy has sex, there'll be all kinds of stuff going on that will not go on after sex, such as the massage. Lots of massage is given out before sex. You guys remember all those? It's usually, it's not the first date, because it's a little fast for the first date. Usually somewhere around date three, date four. I bet you go for a little back rub. And then you get tangled up in the bra. You know, it's a half inch of material going across their back, but you can't negotiate it somehow. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, you get a ring caught in it, your fingers caught in it, you get your foot caught in it, and then you go, listen, can we just unsnap the bra? I just, I can't negotiate it. When it's really, it's equivalent, it's not much. You could work over it, you could work under it, you could work below it, but you're not gonna just undo the bra. Then you get the bra up, you get the sweater pulled up, you start with the massage, you see how that goes, and then you start with the reach around. But there's all that goes down before sex. I would love to see some sort of chart on couples. How many massages went down before the guy started getting into her pants consistently and after?

29:42 Drew Imagine you're an anthropologist examining the human primate. You've never seen the animal before, and you're describing their mating behaviors.

29:49 Adam Tons of massaging before the sex.

29:51 Drew The male comes from behind, a strange ritual ensues with a plastic band across the woman's back. The male begins touching his palms against the woman's back. Somewhere in the vicinity of 15 to 20 minutes, he tires of this.

30:05 Adam You know what, when I'm in charge, too, by the way, one thing I will go for, I will institute, is the universal placement of the bra cusp. You know, the hasp there. Somewhere in the front, somewhere in the back, you don't know where you're at. I'm going to have them all on the side. We're just going to compromise. Under the left arm. Or right side. Most guys are right handed. And with some sort of quick release mechanism.

30:30 Drew Yeah, just a remote control. Yeah, a rip cord. A television remote.

30:34 Adam Yeah, there are as many different way, bra attachments as there are bras. There's the hook, there's the triple hook, the double hook, there's that weird S thing. That S thing. That S thing I couldn't undo with a blow torch and a pair of pliers. I can't figure, you have to like get a little slack and then pop, no, no, not that hook. Not the hook S thing. The weird plastic snap S thing where you kind of have to go this way and then turn and there's some kind of pop. I usually just chew through it. That's my technique.

31:07 David Arquette I like to pull it back and snap it like a suspenders.

31:12 Adam Get a little blood pumping around the ladies. All right, David Arquette is here. We're going to take a little break. When we come back, we'll talk to Lorenzo's 22. If you stop working out, does it make your penis shrink? We'll talk to Lorenzo about that after this.

31:30 Loveline will be right back.

31:59 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. David Arquette is our guest tonight. Scream 3 is the name of his latest movie. That'll be out February 4th. I did Politically Incorrect tonight.

32:14 Drew Oh, how was that?

32:15 Adam It was fine. Did good. Everything was good. But I was asking David what movie he just finished, because as you know, they ramp these things up eight months, a year before they come out. He said, Ready to Rumble, which is a wrestling film. And I mentioned that Goldberg, the big wrestler. Goldberg. Oh, he's like the biggest wrestler out there. He was on PI. He was sitting next to me the whole time. He's a nice guy. But two interesting things about Goldberg. One is the guy's a mess. He's got his hands in a full sort of, I don't know if you call it a walking cast, but it's a soft cast. He's got like a weird brace on his right hand. And he's barely been able to stand up. I mean, he's bent all sideways. I thought for a second, for just a heartbeat, I thought maybe I could kick his ass. And then I could tell him when I kick Goldberg's ass. And I have to leave the country.

33:10 Drew I wonder how he does all those things.

33:12 Adam Well, he's not doing them right now. I mean, he injured himself. But I said to him, while we're waiting to go on, I said, you hurt your hand wrestling? Yeah, I said, but my back was really killing me. I can barely stand up. I said, what would you do, like figure four or pile driver or something? He goes, no, I hurt it in the limo. I said, what did you do? The limo backed into you or something? No, I was, I live out in San Diego. It's a pretty long limo ride. And I was trying to sleep in the limo. After the American Music Awards, I threw my back out. I said, wait a minute. I could throw my back out in a limo? Well, that's what happened. I mean, here's a guy who's getting up on the turnbuckles and literally holding 275 pound, 300 pound guys over his head and pile driving them. I mean, nothing could be worse than holding a fat guy over your head. It's just nothing. Here's a guy who can barely walk because he had a long limo ride and he tried to stretch out in the limo.

34:18 Drew But I mean, he obviously had a chronic back problem from the other stuff. That's how easy it was to set it off. Yeah.

34:23 Adam I don't know. Made me think I could take him.

34:25 Drew Maybe.

34:26 Adam He'd spear you. He was a nice guy and I had to approach him with the man show concept of Hanukkah with Goldberg. So it was great.

34:38 Drew That's a good idea.

34:38 Adam It was like knock on the door. He's on the toilet. I'll come back. Mr. Goldberg? Yeah. My name's Sam. Yeah. They do a show called the man show. Uh-huh. You're Jewish, right? Yeah. We had this bit called Hanukkah with Goldberg. Yeah, I know. They showed it to me. Oh. Did you read it? Yeah. Well, I got another copy if you want to look. Yeah, I know. I read it. Yeah, I'm like, all right. Hey, I'm going to crawl up someone's ass and have them sneak out of here now, Goldberg. But we ended up talking. He was a nice guy and seems like maybe he'll do it.

35:27 Drew Oh, wow.

35:28 David Arquette He's got a great sense of humor.

35:29 Drew Who are the other two?

35:30 Adam He certainly does. Tracy Gold from Growing Pains or the Chicken and the Eating Disorder. Come on, Drew. You keep up on all the eating disorders in Hollywood, don't you? And some Republican, you know, I never know. I'll know the guy who was on, like, Good Times or That's My Mama, but the guy who's the senator of Georgia, the Republican guy, never seen, I swear to God, never seen in my life. Yeah, I know. That is pathetic. So anyway, Ready to Rumble is the wrestling movie.

36:07 David Arquette Yeah.

36:07 Adam And that comes out sometime in March.

36:09 David Arquette Yeah.

36:09 Adam And what's that about? What's your part?

36:12 David Arquette I'm like a fanatic fan with the, I guess that's the same thing, but with Scott Kahn and Oliver Platt plays a wrestler.

36:21 Adam And you must end up in the ring eventually.

36:25 David Arquette We end up in the ring. Yeah, we sort of get behind him.

36:29 Adam And a lot of cameos by?

36:31 David Arquette Martin Landau has a part, Joey Pantz and Leonie.

36:35 Adam And Goldberg and I'm guessing other wrestlers.

36:38 David Arquette Goldberg, Sting, Diamond Dallas Page has a huge part in it.

36:43 Adam Do you get to do a whole thing with like a?

36:45 David Arquette Chris Canyon.

36:46 Adam Whole coliseum full of people and all that stuff?

36:49 David Arquette Yeah, we had three days of that, three big scenes.

36:51 Drew Who do they put in those coliseums when that's like?

36:53 David Arquette They like invite the fans and they give them pizza and they get to meet some of the wrestlers and feed them and it's pretty much like a free show and they enjoy it a lot.

37:03 Adam My take on all this is my dream was always doing some event, sporting event with a big crowd. That's never going to happen.

37:11 Drew Playing in Dodger Stadium. David was there for that debacle.

37:14 Adam Yeah, we did see David at Dodger Stadium. I didn't actually get to play but-

37:19 Drew Did you see him? Yeah, he got on the coach.

37:22 David Arquette There's a little something going on there, bringing your work home with you.

37:26 Adam God, that idiot. I want to kill him. Anyway, listen, I don't want to get in that whole story. The whole point is my second choice, since I can't do that, would be to make a movie, like a baseball movie, a wrestling movie, a football movie, where you know it's not the real thing but still there's thousands of people and they're cheering and you're in the center of the ring. That's got to be all right.

37:49 Sure.

37:50 Adam Lorenzo?

37:51 Yeah, I'm here, man.

37:52 Adam All right, so you're 22 and you want to know if you stop working out with your penis shrink?

37:58 Caller No, actually the statement was when I stopped working out, I think it had some kind of effect on my abilities.

38:06 Drew What happened?

38:07 Caller Well, I was working out maybe five to six hours a day when I was in high school and now I'm 22 and I graduated when I was 17. I was going to football practice, working out during school, go after school, work out at the powerhouse or what not. And now since I've geared down and concentrated on my studies in college, it seems like I measured it and there's a little lacking in the scroll department now.

38:31 Drew What department?

38:32 Caller The penis department.

38:33 Adam Penis department.

38:34 Drew How much did it shrink?

38:36 Caller It seems like it's almost an inch, man.

38:38 Drew Well, you measured it.

38:39 Caller I measured it.

38:39 Drew Was it an inch less?

38:41 Caller What? Yeah.

38:42 Drew Well, I have heard.

38:44 Caller Measuring like from below my balls or anything either, so.

38:49 Adam Measuring from the top.

38:51 Drew He didn't dig the ruler into his admin. It wasn't from his appendix.

38:55 Caller Why would you lie to yourself like that?

38:58 Adam Yeah, I don't know. I'll do it. There may be some confusion because the ruler has a metric side. Sometimes you flip it over and you get a bad read, but you're on the standard side, the American side.

39:10 Caller That's right.

39:13 Drew Certainly, working out can increase your levels of circulating testosterone. There is some evidence that in some males that may change the size of the phallus. So it's possible.

39:23 Adam In inches, as much as it's going to change, though, isn't it? Over a couple of years?

39:28 Drew It even sounds kind of extreme. But, you know.

39:31 Caller Yeah, well, man, because, you know, I have actually been exactly really sexually active lately.

39:36 You know.

39:37 Adam Well, hey, what do you got left?

39:40 Caller I mean, I was, you know, eight on a good day. Now it's like borderline seven.

39:44 Adam Oh, please. Listen, call me when you get to five and a half. No sympathy for this guy. Shrinking. Man's penis shrunk an inch. Still bigger than mine. That's pathetic. Vince? Yeah. You're 17.

39:57 Caller Yeah.

39:58 Adam What's up?

39:59 Caller Well, see, I'm a junior now and last year, I mean, I just looked horrible.

40:03 Caller I had acne and bad hair and braces and all that. But over the summer, I was out of shape and I just worked out real hard.

40:10 Caller I got my braces off.

40:11 Adam Penis grew. Yeah.

40:14 Caller I got proactive and I mean, it just really changed.

40:16 Caller I hit a growth spurt.

40:18 Caller And the thing is, I mean, I'm still the same person. I dress a little differently, but I mean, all the girls, I mean, they used to not even look at me, but now they're all over me and it's just regular like, you know, a sex fest. Like every other weekend, I'm with a different girl. It's kind of, you know, like hitting me pretty fast.

40:32 And, you know, it's-

40:34 Drew Are you angry?

40:34 Huh?

40:35 Drew Are you angry?

40:36 Caller No, but it's like kind of weird because, you know, it's never happened to me before.

40:40 Adam All right, well, get used to it.

40:42 Drew It's, what's your question exactly?

40:45 Adam No, he doesn't have it. He's getting laid. He wants to announce it to the world.

40:47 Drew What's the question?

40:49 Caller Well, pretty much, is it just about looks?

40:50 Caller Should I just sit back and, you know, savor the flavor?

40:53 Drew It's, I say, initial.

40:55 Adam So you're glad we stayed for that, Drew?

40:56 Drew Yeah, because I have something to say about that. The initial attraction is always about something. Looks, stature, status, something.

41:05 Adam Drew, let's talk about you for a second. I know you have issues that surround this very topic. You know?

41:12 Drew I'm listening.

41:12 Adam You were kind of a nerd in high school, right?

41:14 Drew Kind of.

41:15 Adam Super, super nerd, right? And then, then you got into college. Oh no, wait a minute. I saw that college picture.

41:23 Drew Just worse. Got worse.

41:24 Adam Who picked out those glasses, by the way?

41:27 Drew The Adam, the...

41:28 Adam Who picked those out?

41:29 Drew The Adam Ant glasses.

41:31 Adam I mean, those were like Charles Nelson Riley sized glasses you were wearing in your college. That was college graduation.

41:39 Drew Yes.

41:40 Adam Jesus, I saw a picture of Drew hair parted in the middle, hanging down to there, big old goggle glasses on.

41:47 Drew Novelty big.

41:49 Adam She's all the smarts in the world. Couldn't pick out a pair of frames.

41:51 Drew Half-whiped in my forehead down to my cheek.

41:54 Adam Yeah. I mean, how much protection do you need? Does your prescription need to offer you?

41:59 Drew That was the style then.

42:00 Adam No, it was not.

42:01 Drew No, seriously, I have patients that older folks don't change with the style so much. I swear to God, those glasses come in frequently.

42:08 Adam All right. It's probably yours. They probably pulled them out of some discount bin.

42:14 Drew No, that's not patients, that's not my family.

42:15 Adam Okay. But Drew, the point is, Drew's family is a little cheap. Drew, you're a geek, right?

42:22 Drew Oh, yeah.

42:23 Adam Just a full-fledged nerd. But then, the metamorphosis, the caterpillar started to transform into the butterfly. That is now Drew, right? Now, you're in med school. You get some contact lenses?

42:36 Drew Did you get contacts? No. You want me to chronicle the eyewear history?

42:42 Adam Yeah.

42:43 Drew I can't remember what came next. It still wasn't good, I'm sure.

42:46 Adam But the point is, is they must have gotten marginally smaller.

42:48 Drew Yes, they shrank.

42:49 Adam So the eye apparel gets smaller. Yes.

42:52 Drew Hair gets less energy.

42:54 Adam Hair gets a little less energy, starts to lay down a little bit, behave itself.

42:57 Drew Just whatever it does, it does.

42:59 Adam Little-

42:59 Drew Working out a little bit.

43:00 Adam Start working out a little bit. He's out of the New England winter. Maybe he's got a little-

43:04 Drew Skinny little color.

43:04 Adam Little summer sun on that body of his. Now, he's in med school and all of a sudden, chicks starting to come around. Now, a little resentment toward the chicks coming around.

43:16 Drew Oh, yeah.

43:17 Adam You resent them.

43:18 Drew Oh, yeah.

43:18 Adam Instead of being grateful.

43:20 Drew You're pissed.

43:21 Adam You're pissed.

43:22 Drew On some level. I mean, you're thinking, this is not right.

43:25 Adam But it's not the same chicks. It's the chicks that met you in med school, not the chicks have been ignoring you for the last eight years, and now aren't ignoring you. These are new women who are seeing you for the first time.

43:37 Drew It all represents the same thing to you at that point. You're like, oh, you know, when I really wanted this, it wasn't there, and now I don't care, and you're angry.

43:45 David Arquette Well, I think there's also an element of taking care of yourself that sometimes you don't do. And when you start taking care of yourself, women can see that.

43:54 Adam Oh, they love that.

43:54 David Arquette A little slobby.

43:55 Drew When you just have your interest in your own stuff, and you're just doing whatever taking care of yourself means, whether it's studying or working out or eating right, or just doing your job, you're just taking care of business.

44:06 Adam Whatever it is, women are into you, and there's a little resentment that, why now? And now it's a little payback love. Isn't it, Drew?

44:15 Drew No.

44:15 Adam Little vengeance, little vengeance cranker?

44:18 Drew I can't remember.

44:19 Adam Yeah, come on.

44:21 Drew But you get over it pretty fast, by the way.

44:23 Adam No, I don't know. You probably had a good six, eight years of that vengeance bang going on.

44:28 Drew No, no, no. Grudge.

44:29 Adam Yeah, where were you, baby? You're here now, aren't you?

44:34 Drew Crying.

44:34 Adam Yeah, crying and slapping them on the ass. What do you think of the new frames? Yeah. You should be wearing them for protection, baby. I got something for you.

44:44 Drew No, in my head, it didn't affect my relationship so much as was running in my head. When I really was hurting. Where were they? Why not then? How much have I really changed as a person? None.

44:58 Adam No. Listen, women smell that stink of failure and unconfidence on you and they will tack it.

45:08 Drew I think I probably had it worse than you did.

45:11 Adam I don't know. I was pretty pathetic. David, how much did you do in high school?

45:18 David Arquette High school, I came around, but right before high school, I didn't grow into my nose for years. Good God. Even in high school, I was still growing.

45:31 Adam I'm waiting for my penis to grow into my hips. Yeah, do the math. You'll see I'm right.

45:38 Drew The proportions there.

45:38 Adam All right. David Arquette is our guest. We will take a break. We'll come back. We'll talk about what he hasn't grown into after this.

45:46 Let's have some more fun.

45:48 Caller Okay, let's do it. Call Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline will be right back.

46:30 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. David Arquette is our guest tonight. Unwritten Law will be in here tomorrow night, then Long Beach Dub All-Stars, which I'm sure will be a good time because they're just, they're like a white mariachi band, just a bunch of big husky guys who are drunk who play music. They'll be in here on Thursday, and looks like Snoop Dogg coming in next week. So plenty to look forward to here on Loveline.

47:02 Drew I'm going to be gone next week.

47:03 Adam All right. Well, even more to look forward to, everybody.

47:05 Drew Actually, yeah, we got it.

47:07 Adam Okay. What the hell day is it? Tuesday?

47:10 Drew Yeah.

47:10 Adam Hey, The Man Show.

47:11 Drew Oh, tomorrow. Oh yeah.

47:13 Adam Today.

47:13 Drew If you're east of the Mississippi.

47:15 Adam Right. If it's Wednesday, today would have to be Wednesday, right?

47:20 Drew It's before 1 AM, wherever you are.

47:24 Adam Right. Right.

47:25 Drew If it's Wednesday and before 1 AM.

47:27 Adam Can't figure that out. All right. Well, anyway, if you're in Chicago, New York or DC or something, The Man Show. Sarah?

47:35 Caller Hi.

47:35 Adam You're 16?

47:36 Caller Yeah.

47:37 Adam What's up?

47:38 Caller I was driving around in a van with a couple of my friends, actually a lot of my friends, and like there's weed, and like I don't normally smoke weed, like I just do it like once in a while. But I smoke some of it, right? And then I like blacked out for like, I didn't like go unconscious, but like.

47:59 Drew You don't remember anything?

48:00 Caller I don't remember like very much about it. I remember.

48:03 Drew That's a true blackout.

48:04 Caller Okay. I remember parts of the night.

48:08 Drew All right.

48:09 Caller Whole night.

48:09 Drew All right.

48:10 Caller And like the day afterwards, like one of my friends told me that I gave a guy head, and I was like, whatever, you know, you don't remember that. I don't remember that.

48:22 Drew All right.

48:24 Caller And like he he smokes weed a lot more than me. And anyways, but that's not the point. I've been stoned ever since.

48:34 Drew How long ago was this Friday? This is five days ago.

48:38 Caller Yeah.

48:38 Drew And why stone? Can you be more specific? What are you experiencing? You want steady on your feet? Do you have trouble thinking?

48:44 Caller It's more like reaction. Like if I touch something, like if I touch my arm or something, I don't feel it until later. And like, like I can think clearly right now. But a couple of days ago, I was like hallucinating.

48:56 Drew What were you saying?

48:58 Caller Like it was more like-

48:59 Adam Shining penis?

49:01 Caller What?

49:01 Drew What were you saying?

49:02 Adam Oh, go ahead.

49:06 Caller No, it's just like I was feeling things.

49:10 Adam Okay. So how many times you smoked pot before this?

49:13 Caller Eight.

49:14 Adam Eight times? I mean, you never had these symptoms before?

49:17 Caller No, it usually lasted like five or six hours.

49:20 Adam Okay. So what should she do, Drew?

49:21 David Arquette Did anyone else have the same sort of lasting effect?

49:25 Caller No one at all. I didn't even take that much either.

49:28 Drew Well, you must have. Or else maybe there's some PCP in there or something. But there's something called post hallucinogenic perceptual disorder. Marijuana actually is a hallucinogenic, believe it or not. And it can trigger panic attacks. It can trigger a sense of detachment like you're in kind of a dream state. It can trigger mood problems. It can last for a while. And a marijuana isn't one of the ones that typically does this, but it can.

49:48 Adam What about the guy you perform the oral sex on?

49:52 Caller Well, I was just like, well, one of my friends told me that like you can, I think this is probably false, but like she said that if you like ingest semen or whatever, that like, I've never given oral sex before, but like if you ingest semen that like you can get like stoned off of it or something like that.

50:10 Drew Oh, if he was, speed is present in semen. I don't know that other hallucinogens.

50:16 Adam I've never swallowed any semen. I snorted some once at a real wild Hollywood party. Guy just put a big line of it out on a mirror in the bathroom. I must have been pretty f'd up.

50:27 Drew That's nice.

50:28 Adam Yeah. Just one big long rope.

50:30 Drew So Sarah, be careful though, there can be lasting symptoms from this sort of thing.

50:33 Caller I don't think I'm going to do the same.

50:35 Drew I know that. I believe that about you, but still, just if you really don't start clearing up the next couple of days, make sure somebody takes a look at you, has had experience dealing with this.

50:43 Adam You do anything in a van, it's like a drug magnifying glass. It's tenfold more powerful than the van.

50:49 Drew Like focusing the sun's energy.

50:50 Adam Something about the van, yeah. I'm thinking about just taking a van, putting it up on blocks and parking it out in my garage just so I can go get stoned in it. Go take like one Tylenol PM in the van and just trip for eight hours straight.

51:03 David Arquette Very nice, like a little living room van.

51:05 Adam A little isolation van, a little sensory deprivation van. Kevin? Yeah? You're 13.

51:12 Drew Yeah.

51:12 Adam All the girls in school hang around the gay kid.

51:16 Caller Yeah, that's what we're wondering.

51:19 Adam How do you know he's gay?

51:21 Caller Oh, he means he's gay.

51:23 Drew He's 13. How does he know he's gay?

51:25 Caller Well, I think he was like raped when he was younger.

51:29 Drew That converts sometimes.

51:30 Adam All right, so he's gay and they're hanging around him.

51:34 Caller Yeah. What's the connection between the homo and the girls?

51:41 Drew The gay guys are nice.

51:43 Adam It's non-threatening.

51:44 Drew They're also nice.

51:45 Adam He's probably helping them pick out their outfits or something. I don't know, Kevin. Listen, you're not going to... There's nothing... Let me give you guys, you hetero guys, a tip out there. Pretend you love the gays in front of the ladies. Because if you... Women hate gay bashing. They really do. You'll not get anywhere with any kind of bashing. Be good to animals. Be good to gays. Those are my tips. Pretend you love cats and gays. I love cats. I love gays. You know what I'll do if I'm going on a date, a new lady coming over, I'll rent a cat and a gay. And I'll have him run around the apartment. I'll be like, hey, come here. And then the gay will come by and I'll pet him. Good boy. Good boy. I'll rub his belly a little bit. Hey, I'm going out for a couple of hours, Larry. I'll be back soon and I'll pet him a little more and rub up against him. And I'll see if they can play with a big ball of yarn or something. And the chicks love that. That's a good ploy. Rent a cat, rent a gay.

52:44 Drew Think more about it during the commercial.

52:45 Adam Okay.

52:50 Caller All right.

52:51 Drew I'll be back before you know it.

53:21 Adam All right, it is Loveline, I'm Adam Carolla, that'd be Dr. Drew, we're going to take a quick 10-second timeout, we'll be back with more of the show in just 10 seconds.

53:31 Caller This is Loveline on Radio Station.

53:46 Adam It's Loveline, me, that's him over there. David Arquette is our guest. Scream 3 is the movie he's hoping you'll see on February 4th. He plays a sheriff still, right?

54:00 David Arquette Yeah, Deputy Dewey.

54:01 Adam Dewey. Yeah, a little penciled in mustache.

54:04 David Arquette That's right. Not penciled though.

54:06 Adam Well, it's real.

54:07 David Arquette It's real, but they sort of sometimes fill it in.

54:11 Adam Yeah, I've tried to grow a beard or a mustache or something at different points in my career. My problem is I always screw up and shave half of it off and then I'm screwed. You know what I mean? You grow a beard and you have to kind of groom it. You got to kind of carve it in a little bit because otherwise you'll get that sort of lost in the woods beard going. Right. You want that James Brolin mid-70s, late 70s beard where it's sort of nicely groomed. So you're shaving a little on your cheek and you're shaving a little on your neck, sometimes even a little in here, a little below the lip and then you slip one day. You take a little chunk off and you go, oh man, and so you go the other side and take a little chunk off and you took too much off that side. You go back and then you're screwed. It's all coming off now. I couldn't do that little pencil.

54:58 David Arquette Yeah, I always actually shaved just a little off, so it's just slightly slanted because he's such a, like, I don't know, a goofball.

55:07 Adam You ever see those guys who have that beard that's just like, it's about a quarter inch strip of hair running right down their jawline.

55:13 David Arquette What about the patch you miss that's just kind of sitting there?

55:16 Adam No one says anything?

55:16 David Arquette That's always attractive.

55:18 Adam Yeah, you can't see it, you can't get to it. We were talking during the commercial and Drew was talking about, we were talking about pets before we went out and how it's very important to pretend you like pets and kids and gays and everything else when you're first dating a woman and Drew was talking about a physiological phenomenon that went on with women in regards to their pets.

55:41 Drew It excretes more oxytocin, their uterus constricts, their breasts sometimes.

55:46 Adam How do you know?

55:47 Drew That's the reaction.

55:48 Adam How do you know that?

55:49 Drew When they see babies and they get those sorts of reactions.

55:51 Adam Really?

55:52 Drew Yeah.

55:53 Adam I should rent a baby, too.

55:55 Drew Yeah, when they hear a baby cry. If a woman who's breastfeeding hears a baby cry, their uterus constrict, their breast will secrete milk. She's hearing a baby cry.

56:03 Adam All right. So rent a cat, rent a gay, rent an infant. Crawl around the house.

56:10 Drew Yeah, if you're caring for it properly.

56:11 Adam I have the gay guy take care of the kid.

56:13 Drew With you?

56:15 Adam No, when I'm gone. It would be like a sitter. That's good. Perfect. That gives him a reason to be there. This is a great day. Jessica, you're 21.

56:24 Caller Yes.

56:24 Adam What's up?

56:26 Caller Let's see here.

56:28 Caller Whenever I masturbate, I have fantasies of women, but I don't want to be a lesbian, so I'm not really sure what the deal is. It seems to work a lot better when I fantasize like that. I want to be with guys, but then when I get with them, it's like that's not usually going through my head, but I feel as if I'm not really going to end up having an orgasm because I know that when I'm alone, usually I have to think about women to get that.

56:54 Adam Have you ever had any contact with a woman?

56:57 Caller Once, and I really, it totally didn't work out. I totally didn't like it. It was a threesome with my two best friends, you know, a guy and a girl, and I just, I felt gross the next day. It wasn't something I wanted to participate in. It was, it's just like when I fantasize, I'm not usually in it. It's like about two other people.

57:13 Adam You didn't enjoy it while it was going on, or you just didn't like the way it felt the next day? What?

57:18 Caller I was drunk when it was going on. I don't remember if I enjoyed it, but I don't think it was much. I don't remember saying, ooh, I want to do it again.

57:25 Adam You know, the funny thing is she thinks they all stumbled on to it as the night wore on and as the beer poured. But the guy, the guy was thinking about this a week beforehand.

57:37 Caller Now I know that.

57:39 Adam That's the beauty of guys. Yeah, a couple of weeks.

57:42 Drew He's got a war room with the-

57:43 Adam with that month. Yeah, he's got models built. He's got a rep- he's got a scaled down version of his apartment.

57:49 Drew Little sticks he moved figures around the room with.

57:51 Adam Yeah, chicks walking around getting- getting incoming radio positioning calls. He's pushing a stick. There's a big grid. Yeah, it's all worked out. Hey, Jessica. Well, maybe you don't like the ladies, but listen, women fantasize about women, because that's who society says to fantasize about.

58:10 Drew Right. So much about sexuality.

58:16 Caller I feel as if I have had orgasms before thinking of guys, but they're so minor and so like nothing compared to when I fantasize about women.

58:25 Drew I've heard some women talk about the fact that the sensitivity and the kindness, what's where I'm looking for, the gentleness with which a woman approaches each other. Maybe you find a guy that is open to you and makes you feel more like that person would make you feel.

58:43 Adam The guy strapped on a vagina.

58:45 Drew Oh, no.

58:47 Adam Strap on vagina. Break that down, Drew. Turn it around back like a little fanny pack that you twist around. Hey, you're tight.

58:56 Drew No, but I think you find a guy that treats you more like.

58:58 Adam You lose a little trim, but you're tight.

59:00 Drew You think someone who was female would make you feel and treat you. That would be reasonable.

59:05 Adam They have strap on vaginas. They have that.

59:07 David Arquette Detachable vagina.

59:09 Adam Well, that's good.

59:11 Drew Part of the thing with the advent of so much pornography in our culture now, the way men treat women in porno is just abusive. It's like violent. So it's natural that if people have lots of images of that versus the lesbian sex that's shown in these videos, they would probably evoke more of the latter.

59:32 Adam Well, you know what's great about porn movies is the women are always so sexed up. The guy shows up to clean the pool. He's wearing cutoffs. The chick starts licking her lips. Oh my god, he's wearing cutoffs. I can see part of his leg. I got to get me some of that. Right.

59:49 David Arquette I think they're definitely made with men in mind.

59:51 Adam Yeah. Can you imagine it's like, hey, you can get this chick. Just show a little ass crack. She won't be able to contain herself, man. Cut your pants off, let your crack hang out a little bit.

1:00:03 David Arquette Yeah.

1:00:05 Adam She's got to have it. You know what the other premise I love? When the two women are going at it, they're only going at it because there's no guy around. They're going at it, then the dude shows up and it's like, finally some penis. Come here. Oh, good. I guess we'll have to share.

1:00:20 Yeah.

1:00:21 Adam That is solid. Nick?

1:00:25 Yo, what's up, Adam?

1:00:26 Adam Yeah. What's up there, Nick? You're 14.

1:00:29 Caller Yeah, I called in like on Thursday and I told you about this girl that I asked out. She said she was going to bring a friend along. You said it was like her vibrator.

1:00:37 Drew No, no. We said it was that she just was not trusting you wholeheartedly.

1:00:41 Adam I remember that call. Yeah, he called to ask a girl out. She wanted to bring a friend. Nick thought it was going to be a guy. We told him it wasn't going to be a guy. Was it a guy?

1:00:50 Caller No, she didn't even come, dude. She stood me up.

1:00:52 Adam Oh, you mean she didn't want to get stood up.

1:00:55 Drew No, forget it.

1:00:55 Adam He got stood up. It's done.

1:00:57 Caller It's done through the situation?

1:00:59 Drew No, forget it.

1:01:00 Adam No, it's done. No matter what she said, it's done. It's over.

1:01:04 Caller Damn.

1:01:05 Adam That's it. Sorry, Nick.

1:01:07 Drew Women are real clear with their actions. If she were into it, she'd be there.

1:01:13 Adam I swear, I have a new reason to kick my dad in the nuts every time I do the show. I wanted, and your dad never told you this, and I'm sure David, you're dad. I wish somebody would have told me when I was like 13, listen son, when you ask a girl out, if she goes out with you, fine. If she doesn't go out with you, I don't care what the reason is. If she doesn't go out with you, if she doesn't go out with you, she is not interested. I don't care if her aunt's coming in town. I don't care if her grandfather died. On rare, rare occasion, she will not be able to go out with you on the time you want to go out with her. In which case, she will say, how about the following weekend? Or she will go out of town and bury her grandfather. Then she will come home and call you. But, that's the only provision. And unless that happens, forget it. Don't ask them again. Salvage your dignity and your time and move on. I don't know what it is about being 15, 14, 17, 19, 28 for me. Why you're so desperate. Is it stupid? Is it desperate? Is it low self-esteem? I don't know what it is. But I mean, I went back to the well with chicks so many times. And I guess for me, it was like, this is the only candidate I have. I might as well just keep packing away. I mean, other girls don't even know what I'm talking about. At least this one, I have a history of getting turned down with. We have something we can talk about. There's something we can draw on. Plus you figure, you know, how many times can they turn you down? Eventually, they're going to have to go out with you. It don't happen.

1:02:53 No.

1:02:54 Adam And they like you less each time. Steve?

1:02:57 Yeah.

1:02:58 Adam You're 18.

1:02:59 Caller OK. I got two really quick questions.

1:03:01 Adam All right.

1:03:02 Caller My girlfriend has her nipple pierced. And rumor has it that she can't breastfeed if we decide to have a baby.

1:03:10 Drew No, she has to take the thing out, but thinks she can.

1:03:13 Caller Because like the scar tissue doesn't block it?

1:03:16 Drew My understanding is it doesn't affect it too much.

1:03:18 Caller Really?

1:03:19 Drew Yeah, it doesn't make it easier. It might make it harder. And breastfeeding is not a simple procedure, believe me, already.

1:03:25 Adam Oh, you're telling me. And also, the pump's so painful.

1:03:30 Caller If it does somewhat block it, does that cause the breast to become misformed or one bigger than the other?

1:03:37 Drew When it's in gorge, it can get infected and it can be, you know, its abscess is formed.

1:03:42 Adam You mean it doesn't get drained off and it just keeps swelling?

1:03:44 Drew It can happen. That can happen, but it will eventually drain.

1:03:47 Adam Hey, Steve, how old's your girlfriend?

1:03:49 Caller How old? 17.

1:03:50 Drew Pregnant?

1:03:51 Caller No, she's not.

1:03:53 Adam Give it a break. First of all, you guys are going to be broken up in six months.

1:03:56 Drew You are not allowed to have kids until 2020.

1:04:00 Adam Yeah, Steve, really, what, at 18, are you really thinking about kids?

1:04:04 Caller Well, it was just brought up. We were here and, you know, it's a while and it's been a great relationship.

1:04:12 Adam Listen, you're 18, she's 17. How long could have been? How great can it be?

1:04:16 Caller You know, I mean, we matured really early, so we have had our past experiences.

1:04:21 Adam Okay, but listen, why put that kind of strain on yourself at 18? Why not wait till the career gets...

1:04:28 Caller No, we are. We're not going to have another 10 years, probably.

1:04:30 Drew Well, all right, all right, yeah, we're all right, Steve.

1:04:33 Adam All right, call back in 10 years. Hopefully, I won't be here. I know Drew will be here.

1:04:37 Caller All right, sounds good.

1:04:38 Adam All right, Steve.

1:04:39 Caller Bye, Adam.

1:04:40 Adam All right.

1:04:40 Drew David will be here, too.

1:04:42 Adam David will be here in 10 years until he will be here in 10 years.

1:04:44 Drew Yeah.

1:04:44 Adam All right. Where the hell is it? When are you going to have kids, David?

1:04:49 David Arquette Pretty soon.

1:04:50 Adam Yeah?

1:04:50 David Arquette Not too long.

1:04:51 Adam Yeah. Thinking about it?

1:04:52 David Arquette Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just sort of, I don't know, it's kind of weird schedule.

1:04:56 Adam Who wants kids?

1:04:58 David Arquette We both want kids.

1:04:58 Adam You both do?

1:04:59 David Arquette Yeah, definitely.

1:05:01 Drew Schedule kids in.

1:05:03 Adam Forrest?

1:05:04 Yeah.

1:05:04 Adam You're 16.

1:05:06 Caller Yeah. First, I want to tell you guys, I totally love your show, David. I love all the screens. I even loved Muffets from Outer Space.

1:05:13 David Arquette Cool. Thanks.

1:05:14 Caller Yeah. I love The Man Show, too.

1:05:16 Adam Thank you.

1:05:17 Caller Absolutely. Dr. Drew, I mainly have a question for you.

1:05:21 Drew All right, go ahead.

1:05:23 Caller I'm addicted to sex. I've been ditching school. I've screwed up my last three relationships because I've cheated. I've gotten girls to cheat on their boyfriends with me. All I do is want to have sex now. It's ruined my relationship with my parents as well. I mean, it's all I do anymore is I just-

1:05:37 Adam Hold on, you had sex with your mom?

1:05:40 Caller No, my parents are finding out about it.

1:05:42 Adam Oh, I see. Okay, right, right.

1:05:44 Caller Okay. And it's just like, I mean, I'm even ditching school to go have sex.

1:05:47 Drew With the same girl?

1:05:49 Caller Different girls. I was with three different girls this weekend.

1:05:52 Adam Son of a bitch. I may have been addicted to sex in high school. It's just, it was in the... Hamper. God damn thing I was gonna do about it. Yeah. I was just close to eloping with my hamper. I put the ladder by the window. I was yelling up at the hamper, jump, jump, we're going to Nevada. We're getting married, my precious.

1:06:10 Drew Do you want to do something about this?

1:06:11 Caller Yeah. I mean, I'm not going to school. My grades start to slip and considering I'm attendance aid, one of my periods.

1:06:18 Drew Are you addicted to anything else?

1:06:20 Caller No. I mean, you know, I drank every once in a while on my buds and I smoked a bud a couple of times, but that's nothing that I couldn't handle. I mean, but facts, I just, I mean, obviously being a guy, I can't get enough, but I mean, I can't get enough. I mean...

1:06:35 Adam Do you masturbate?

1:06:37 Caller On occasion, but it doesn't...

1:06:39 Adam On occasion.

1:06:40 Caller You know, I mean, I'm strong like bull.

1:06:42 Adam What are you good for a day? You doing it once a day?

1:06:47 Caller At least every other day, almost pretty much every day.

1:06:50 Adam On the masturbation?

1:06:51 Caller No, on sex.

1:06:52 Adam I know. I want to know about the masturbation.

1:06:54 Caller Uh, I haven't masturbated in, I don't know, a week. Son of a bitch.

1:07:01 Adam And you're just having sex?

1:07:03 Caller Yeah. I'm having a lot of sex. I mean, my girlfriend just broke up with me on Friday because she found out I was cheating on her with two other girls.

1:07:09 Adam Okay. Why... You know, I think he needs to get on some sort of masturbatory maintenance plan.

1:07:15 Drew I'm not clear. I'm not clear he's addicted. He's out of control, but he doesn't fit in the models for addiction.

1:07:20 Caller I don't know that.

1:07:21 Drew He's not really sexual compulsive. He just can't contain his impulses. He's making bad judgments. He can't be in a relationship the way he wants to be.

1:07:29 Caller I mean, since I broke out of this one relationship, I just... And I tried...

1:07:33 Adam All right. Hey, Forrest, here's the thing. And it doesn't sound like he's spinning out with the pot or the booze or anything, although he's only 16. We can give him time on that. Forrest, here's what you need to do.

1:07:44 Caller Yes, sir.

1:07:45 Adam You need to masturbate and see if you can control your impulses a little bit.

1:07:51 Caller All right. So you want me to give you a call like in two weeks and give you an update or something?

1:07:54 Adam Yeah. And listen, let me tell you the range I'm looking for in two weeks. 14 days.

1:08:00 Caller 14 days.

1:08:01 Adam 16 years old. I'm looking for somewhere between 18 and 36 on the masturbatory scale.

1:08:07 Caller And what about sex?

1:08:09 Adam Well...

1:08:10 Drew Once a week.

1:08:11 Caller Once a week.

1:08:12 Adam Once a week.

1:08:14 Drew It's more like he's trying to deal with the sexuality. He feels very clandestine and out of control. He should consider seeing a therapist, really. Somebody he can talk to about this to help him manage it. Not his parents. Not a friend. Somebody they can work with on all this. I don't know why he feels so out of control and why he's unable to contain his impulses.

1:08:30 Adam He needs to install one of those, what are they called? Those, a stint? A little tube in his sack and just let it drain?

1:08:37 Drew A stint.

1:08:38 Adam Is that a stint? Yeah. Could they do that through?

1:08:41 David Arquette He should take up model building or something.

1:08:43 Drew Oh yeah. He can't subway, that's the problem. You can't turn in any of that kind of energy, you can't even go to school.

1:08:48 Adam I'm telling you, how can a guy at 16 be obsessed with sex and not masturbate three times a day? He makes me sick. I don't appreciate that at all.

1:08:58 Drew Disgusted.

1:08:59 David Arquette Seems pretty spun out.

1:09:01 Drew Wait a minute. We're going to hear from my...

1:09:03 Adam Hold on. I see a call up here where there's a ejaculation on an open wound.

1:09:09 Drew Josh?

1:09:10 Caller Hey, yeah. A while ago, I cut myself, and one day I was masturbating a couple of days after when I thought it was all right, and I started masturbating and ejaculated all over it, and it kind of stung for a while, but then it felt all right, but then I noticed that the cut's still there.

1:09:28 Adam Where's the cut, on your forehead?

1:09:29 Caller It's on my arm.

1:09:30 Adam I see. And those days are long gone for me.

1:09:34 Drew Just keep it clean.

1:09:35 Adam The duck shot.

1:09:36 Drew If it gets infected.

1:09:37 Adam When I was in high school.

1:09:38 Drew If it gets infected.

1:09:39 Adam I'm lucky if it makes it to the full length of my penis now. Sometimes it just goes up like three quarters away and starts draining back down again. I can see my balls go.

1:09:49 Drew They feel like a bellows.

1:09:51 Adam Yeah, I have to stand up and smack myself on the ass to drain it properly.

1:09:54 David Arquette Target practice.

1:09:57 Adam Josh, yeah, you got some of your own in yourself.

1:10:00 Drew Don't worry about it.

1:10:01 Adam Yeah, what, do you have AIDS? No. Give yourself hepatitis again? Huh? Okay, listen screwball, you're fine. Listen, you know, it's so funny we get so caught up in semen and jessing semen and open cuts and open cuts of the mouth that people just think semen is evil. And now, it's like it's its own entity. There's some sort of pipeline that comes from the gay bar that then feeds into your penis. It could be anyone's semen coming out of your penis. Let me tell you something. Whatever you got, you got. And if you don't have anything, you don't have anything. Whatever comes out of you, comes out of you.

1:10:35 Drew That's right.

1:10:36 Adam That's fine, right?

1:10:36 Drew It's your fluid.

1:10:38 Adam That's right.

1:10:38 Drew Enjoy.

1:10:39 Adam That's right. Hey, that'd be a good bumper sticker. Dr. Drew says it's your fluid. Enjoy. All right, we're gonna hear something from David Arquette's band, the band. Well, this is for the Scream 3 soundtrack. Do you want to set this up?

1:10:56 David Arquette Well, first off, I'd like to say hi to Sam Music, Gabe Cowan, and Brian Law, who are listening right now. Two of those guys are in the band here, 2000. They wrote the song with me. It's a song I wrote a long time ago. It's sort of, I don't know, it took a while to make, and we just kind of enjoy it. It's like a little silly adventure. It's not to be taken too seriously.

1:11:19 Adam Is it in the movie, or is it as a credits roll?

1:11:22 David Arquette It's like in the movie for a split second, but only, we would probably hear it, I mean, it might be in like a passing car or something.

1:11:30 Adam Well, if everyone focuses now and puts down the bong, then when they see the movie, they'll recognize this one. Click, click.

1:14:47 David Arquette Wow.

1:14:50 Caller That was good.

1:14:51 David Arquette Cool, man.

1:14:51 Adam Thank you. I saw the song, Shifted Gears, a few times.

1:14:56 David Arquette Yeah, that's a little different.

1:14:58 Adam Yeah, it sounded great. That's Click Click by Ear 2000. That's David Arquette's band. You can find that on the Scream 3 soundtrack out February 4th.

1:15:10 David Arquette No, the soundtrack.

1:15:10 Adam At least the movie is out February 4th.

1:15:12 David Arquette The soundtrack is probably out now. Creed is on it. They're executive producers of the soundtrack. They're really great guys. I did a video with them. That's out right now too.

1:15:22 Adam Who else is on it?

1:15:24 David Arquette Godsmack, Incubus, Power Man, 3000.

1:15:29 Adam Wait a minute, 5000.

1:15:30 David Arquette Yeah.

1:15:30 Adam I just called them 2000.

1:15:32 David Arquette Yeah, 5000. I'm sorry.

1:15:33 Drew We've had all three of those bands on the last month.

1:15:36 Adam Yeah. Godsmack, Incubus, and Power Man.

1:15:41 David Arquette Yeah, they're all coming out.

1:15:41 Adam Wow, it's like he's just reading off the roster. All right, we'll take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we will speak to Nicole. Nicole's 28. I heard you shouldn't have sex in the water because uterus could burst.

1:15:54 Drew She's 28.

1:15:55 Adam 28. We'll find out who her high school health teacher was after this.

1:16:02 Caller Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:16:34 Adam All right.

1:16:35 Drew My low self-esteem again coming out.

1:16:37 Adam I know. It's a lot of money, Adam. That's Drew. David Arquette is our guest. And David, definitely one of the nicest guys around.

1:16:47 David Arquette There you go. The two changes though.

1:16:51 Drew No, no, no, that's the basic theme.

1:16:53 David Arquette Thanks, bud.

1:16:54 Drew It's a little more gusto behind it now.

1:16:56 David Arquette Thank you.

1:16:57 Adam Always, always say that. Always say nice, always say talented, sneak and crazy. But I always say nice and always say talented. That's all right.

1:17:07 Drew That's, that's fine. Let's examine this for a second. But by crazy, he means he expects you to be this straight uptight hard edge guy that you play on the movie and you're somebody totally different.

1:17:18 Adam No, that's not what I mean.

1:17:19 Drew What do you mean?

1:17:20 Adam No, I, I expect him to not be as functional and as successful as he is. I didn't think he was going to be able to find the studio that night. He found the studio and yelled at me for calling him crazy. Yeah, it was like three minutes after I said it.

1:17:39 Drew Dude, he's too artsy.

1:17:40 Adam That was funny. I'm saying...

1:17:42 Drew He's too creative.

1:17:43 Adam There's, there's, it's, it's, it, I'm, I'm going to upgrade you to eccentric now. Which is, which is brains meets crazy. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

1:17:53 David Arquette I'm not sure about that, but I, I'll take it.

1:17:55 Adam Yeah. If you're smart and crazy, you're eccentric. Let me take a look at, you know, the extreme example, a guy like Einstein or whatever, you know, their dress and their mannerisms. They were a little off, but they were definitely smart. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Okay.

1:18:11 David Arquette Thank you.

1:18:12 Adam Where the hell are we here? Nicole?

1:18:15 David Arquette All right.

1:18:15 Adam So you're 28 and you heard that if you have sex in the water.

1:18:19 Caller There's a chance that your uterus might burst.

1:18:22 Drew No. Remember, uterus can handle like quintuplets. Okay? Unless you had like a hose directly inserted right into the cervix.

1:18:33 Adam Is that what you mean by having sex with water?

1:18:36 Full sex in a hot tub or swimming pool.

1:18:38 Adam Now, because the water might go up and then come out, right? But it wouldn't just keep going up.

1:18:45 Drew It's not good. The uterus is inside the body. It's a closed cavity.

1:18:48 Adam All right. So it's not like you're stuffing a duffel bag and you just keep filling it.

1:18:52 Drew No.

1:18:52 Adam But could water get up in there?

1:18:54 Drew No.

1:18:54 Adam No?

1:18:55 Caller Nothing's going to burst.

1:18:56 Drew Nothing's going to burst. You can get air apparently into the, I think one reported case of air being blown into some of the pelvic veins causing an air embolus.

1:19:06 Caller That doesn't sound too bad.

1:19:07 Drew But I don't know if I really believe that report. Yeah.

1:19:09 Adam We heard that a few years back and it was making the rounds and it's gone away.

1:19:13 Drew Yeah.

1:19:13 Adam Meaning somebody died from oral sex.

1:19:16 Drew Right. Somebody was blowing into their vagina.

1:19:18 Caller And then they spontaneously combust it, correct?

1:19:20 Adam Right. Hey, Nicole. All right. You all right? All right. Thanks. All right. Enjoy that hot tub.

1:19:27 David Arquette There's always a problem with lubrication.

1:19:31 Adam In the pool.

1:19:32 David Arquette Yeah. There's a...

1:19:33 Adam Yeah. You'd think it would work out, but it doesn't.

1:19:37 David Arquette Maybe if it was like a pool of some sort of sexual lubricant.

1:19:42 Adam Well, that's why I always keep a nice slick of KY on top of the hot tub. And what I'll do is I'll have sex under water and then I'll bring the penis top side, get a nice coating of it because it's just floating along the surface. Quickly bring it down. And then quickly bring it down again.

1:19:56 David Arquette Classy.

1:19:57 Adam Yeah, I had the miniature mock up of the Valdez filled with KY floating around my hot tub. All right. Heather? Yeah. You're 24? Someone's got to crash a tanker soon because it's been too long. You know, you know Hazelwood, the guy who crashed the Valdez? Oh, yeah. That poor son of a bitch is sitting around every day. Please, somebody crash a tanker. Would please, would somebody just crash another one of these god damn tankers? It's been eight years or something now. And I've become the poster child for drunken captains. And if someone else would just get drunk, F up and we'd have some ruin another coastline, I'd be off the hook. But until that happens, it's Hazelwood, it's Valdez. Has it been more than eight years?

1:20:38 Drew Why did you bring that up? I didn't get that.

1:20:39 Adam Ten years?

1:20:41 David Arquette The KY.

1:20:41 Adam How long has it been?

1:20:42 Drew Oh, I see the KY slick.

1:20:44 Adam How long has it been?

1:20:45 Drew Was it?

1:20:45 Adam Ten years?

1:20:46 Drew Was it in the 80s? Anybody? 89 or so?

1:20:50 Adam Yeah. Look that up. Heather, you're 24. What's up?

1:20:57 Caller Well, first I wanted to thank you guys. The seed was planted for me for recovery a while back in listening to you guys. I actually called once to ask a question about my health, and I knew what the answer was going to be, so I hung up. But that's what I had to do. I had to face what I was looking at. Anyway, I've been sober for a year.

1:21:20 Drew Congratulations.

1:21:21 Caller I've heard mixed reports about whether or not alcohol really cooks out of food, and I'm not using it as an ingredient, but I know that I have eaten things that have extract in them.

1:21:33 Drew I don't think you need to sort of restate your sobriety date or anything, but you should avoid it.

1:21:40 Caller Right.

1:21:40 Drew There is alcohol, and it could trigger you.

1:21:42 Caller Right.

1:21:42 Adam It could.

1:21:43 Drew It starts the obsession again, potentially.

1:21:45 Adam You know what's funny, though? It's like you're drinking a fifth of Sterno when you're in the depths of your alcoholism, and now it's like you're at a Christmas party, someone offers you a rum ball, and it's like, I don't know, I don't know.

1:22:01 Drew Well, it turns out-

1:22:02 Adam You can handle that.

1:22:03 Drew No, it's the biology gets-

1:22:05 Adam One drop is going to re-trigger that?

1:22:07 Drew Potentially, and I wouldn't expect it to, but why mess with that?

1:22:11 Adam All right. Heather, stay away from things with rum. They're cooked into them. All right.

1:22:17 Drew Congratulations on your sobriety, right?

1:22:19 Caller What's that?

1:22:19 Drew Congratulations on your sobriety.

1:22:21 Caller Thank you.

1:22:21 Drew All right.

1:22:23 Adam You know, the better you're doing, the more booze is involved with cooking.

1:22:27 Drew The better you're doing in life?

1:22:28 Adam Yeah, the more money you have, the better time you're having, the more you're eating out, the more you're spending, the more booze there is involved. Whether it's the cherries at Jubilee, there were-

1:22:38 Drew Bananas flambé.

1:22:39 Adam Bananas flambé. Whenever stuff is burning on fire.

1:22:42 Drew That's like, by the way, Flintstones food, right?

1:22:45 Adam Yeah, it's like a comedy food. But no, when they're dumping red wine into the skillet, when they're cooking, the more booze that's involved with the cooking, and I'm not talking about dumping a little Pamp's beer on the barbecue. I'm talking about the red wine or the cooking sherry or the grandma. The better you're doing, the more booze has worked in there. Drew, was I talking to you about souffle humor?

1:23:10 Drew Yes.

1:23:11 Adam I went into the Man Show writers room two days ago, and I looked at these guys and I said, boys, more souffle humor. I want souffle humor. David, you remember when every third episode of a sitcom had a souffle that was rising in the oven, someone came in and slammed the door. Oh my God, the souffle. They'd go, look.

1:23:32 Drew But around that same time.

1:23:32 Adam It hasn't dropped yet. But at the end of the sitcom, something would happen. The souffle would drop.

1:23:37 David Arquette Have you been to the Mustache Cafe?

1:23:39 Adam Yes.

1:23:40 David Arquette That's a good souffle to think about.

1:23:42 Adam There's a little bit of pressure, though, when you go to those places that serve the souffle desserts, because you've got to make the call and the commitment at the beginning of the meal. Yeah. Like, you know, you're sitting there and the guy goes, half hour. If you're going to order one of our famous dessert souffles, you're going to want to get it in now, because it does take about 45 minutes. And you're sitting there and you're thinking, I think I want it, but I'm not. How about 15 minutes? Can you call me? No, we're going to need to know now. And you think, I don't know, it's kind of a commitment. I haven't even eaten yet.

1:24:12 Drew I think the restaurant's been there 20 years. I think that tells something about the commitment thing. Around the same time, though, as the souffle humor was the sort of novelty dessert humor.

1:24:22 Adam Yeah.

1:24:22 Drew Cherries Jubilee, Bananas Flambé.

1:24:24 Adam Stuff on Fire.

1:24:25 Drew Yeah, Stuff on Fire.

1:24:25 Adam Caught the Old Man's Beard on Fire.

1:24:27 David Arquette Yeah, Rubbered Chickens.

1:24:28 Adam Yeah, there's not enough food humor in general, and specifically souffle humor. I'd like to see that come back to... Listen, when you go home tonight, is Courtney gonna be there? Yes, sir. I'm sure she has some input with the Friends script.

1:24:45 David Arquette A little souffle.

1:24:46 Adam We'll work a little souffle humor in. She cooks as part of her character.

1:24:50 David Arquette Right, right.

1:24:50 Adam She's baking the souffle.

1:24:52 David Arquette I gotcha.

1:24:52 Adam Beginning of the show, a big event coming up, needs a souffle, Ross comes in and slams the door. That's the first one. Oh my god, the souffle. She runs, turns the light on. Okay, souffle up. Then something else, something drops in the apartment upstairs. This is about halfway through act two.

1:25:10 Drew At the end, one of the triplets sneezes, and that takes it all down.

1:25:13 Adam Right, right.

1:25:15 David Arquette Good stuff.

1:25:16 Adam What triplets? Oh, they got the triplets, yeah. That's right. Drew, how do you know so much about Friends?

1:25:22 David Arquette Banana peels, too. And pies in the face. Not even pies in the face.

1:25:25 Adam Pies in the face, and what about slipping on the banana peel? People were slipping all over the place. I don't think kids today even know that a banana peel will take down a full-sized guy if he's chasing you.

1:25:37 David Arquette That's right.

1:25:38 Adam Yeah, who? Someone figured that out. Yeah, you're right. No banana peel humor.

1:25:43 David Arquette Yeah, it's good stuff.

1:25:43 Adam Wayne, I feel sorry for the youth of today.

1:25:46 Caller Hey, good.

1:25:47 Caller How you doing?

1:25:47 Caller Good.

1:25:48 Adam What's up?

1:25:49 Caller Hey, me and my buddy Liam want to shout out to David Arquette, man. He's the man.

1:25:54 David Arquette Thanks, boss.

1:25:55 Caller Yeah, dude. Love you. C-A-L-A-C-A-L-A-T-T, baby. That's right.

1:25:59 David Arquette Dial it up. Cool.

1:26:00 Caller Anyway, Dr. Drew, what I want to say is-

1:26:03 Adam Save a buck or two.

1:26:05 Drew Yeah?

1:26:06 David Arquette Cheaper way.

1:26:06 Caller What I wanted to say is like, okay, I had this guy I knew and he was in the Navy. He was a Navy doc, not a doctor, but just like a doc. Anyway, he would tell me about when he's on the ship that this guy's testicles were swelling up. When he went to the sick bay, they were telling him that he needed to masturbate, to ejaculate that out. The guy would say, well, it's against his religion, he couldn't do that. He never did that and stuff. They were like, well, if you don't do it, then we're going to have to extract that from you. My friend there and his friend had to put on a glove and put his finger up the guy's anus and probe it. And I guess as he tells it, the guy was like, standing there after a while, the guy was like, uh, you know, certain.

1:26:50 Drew No, I think he's confusing a lot of different things.

1:26:53 Caller Pardon?

1:26:53 Drew I think he's confusing a number of different things.

1:26:56 Caller Well, he supposedly, anyway, the guy supposedly eventually ejaculated and got it all out.

1:27:01 Drew No, no, no.

1:27:03 Adam There's no plunger in there. You depress and squeeze it out.

1:27:07 David Arquette Was there aliens involved?

1:27:09 Drew He may have had Epididymitis or Prostatitis, and they will go in and massage the prostate, and sometimes some secretion will come out. Some fluid will come out as a result of that milking, it's called.

1:27:22 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:27:22 Drew Yeah. And that's what we're talking about here.

1:27:25 Adam Let's do it just a little reenactment. You play the Navy doctor who explains to me I have to masturbate, and I'll play the patient.

1:27:32 David Arquette You ready?

1:27:34 Drew You see your testes are swollen. You have something called Epididymitis. You want me to play me doing it?

1:27:38 Adam We'll just play the Navy doctor.

1:27:40 Drew You're going to need to masturbate more frequently. More frequently.

1:27:43 Adam Done.

1:27:44 Drew More frequently.

1:27:44 Adam I'm doing it now. There you go. Can I get a note that states that by the way?

1:27:51 Drew Oh sure.

1:27:52 Adam Okay.

1:27:52 Drew Good.

1:27:52 Adam Because I like that.

1:27:53 Drew For your mom?

1:27:55 Adam I think I'm going to need it. Just in the future. Whether a cop pulls me over on the side of the road or whatever it is. I'd like a note. That's what I want. Here's the two notes I want from you. One that says I got a smoke pot. The other says I got a masturbate.

1:28:09 Drew More.

1:28:10 Adam Oh yeah.

1:28:11 Drew More.

1:28:11 Adam You know what I mean?

1:28:12 Drew It's a relative thing here, right?

1:28:14 Adam It's the kind of thing I could pull out. I'd have it laminated. I'd put it in my wallet. And I'd just pull it out.

1:28:19 Drew And then in the back I want the organ transplant sticker.

1:28:21 Adam I'd be like at the movie theater with my penis out smoking a joint. Like, sir, what's going on? Take a look. You got the flashlight? Yeah. Okay. Thank you. More butter, please. Okay. We're going to take a little break. David Arquette is here. He'll remain here and we'll be back after this.

1:28:37 David Arquette Don't let go.

1:28:39 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:28:42 Adam Back in a minute. Well, it's worth hearing. All right, it's Loveline, and I'm Adam, and that is Drew. David Arquette is our guest tonight. Scream 2 is, sorry, 3 will be out on the 4th of February, and the soundtrack, which you can find David's music on, is currently out. And we'll hop back on the phones and speak to Josh. Josh's 17 ex-girlfriend was raped at a party. He isn't telling anyone. You want to know how to help her?

1:29:39 Caller Yeah, totally. She was like, she doesn't even know who did it, though. She has like a suspicion it was like one of these three guys she was talking to earlier.

1:29:46 Drew Was she intoxicated?

1:29:47 Caller Yeah, she was definitely drunk.

1:29:49 Drew Sort of by her own intention or did somebody slip her something?

1:29:52 Caller No, well, as far as she knows, it was just alcohol.

1:29:55 Drew Okay, well, what does she want to do?

1:29:57 Caller She, I don't know, she's scared. She doesn't know what to do and I didn't know what to tell her, so.

1:30:01 Adam You broke up with her before this, right?

1:30:04 Caller What now?

1:30:04 Adam Did you break up before this incident happened?

1:30:07 Caller Yeah, a long time ago.

1:30:08 Adam So you're just friends now?

1:30:09 Caller Yeah, like best friends.

1:30:11 Adam And how does she even know something happened?

1:30:15 Caller Well, she was like, I guess she woke up in the middle of it.

1:30:19 Adam Okay.

1:30:20 Caller And she just passed back out or something.

1:30:22 Drew She has a faint memory of something.

1:30:24 Caller Yeah, and she said like she was bleeding when she like.

1:30:26 Drew I think she needs to get involved with the rape support group. Whether she wants to put this away or not, it's going to affect her and she needs the kind of support that these organizations tend to provide. A women's support group tends to be very helpful in this kind of situation.

1:30:39 Caller Is that like through counseling or something?

1:30:41 Drew Yeah, just usually rape hotlines. I'll give you a crisis line that may be able to refer you to something in your area. 1-800-422-4453. 422-4453 or 1-800-843-5200.

1:30:59 Caller 5200?

1:31:00 Drew Yeah, 843-5200.

1:31:02 Caller Okay.

1:31:02 Drew All right.

1:31:03 Caller Hey, thanks a lot.

1:31:03 Drew There you go.

1:31:04 Adam All right there, Josh. Gina?

1:31:07 Caller Yes.

1:31:08 Adam You're 20. You've never had an orgasm.

1:31:10 Caller Right.

1:31:11 Adam But you heard about medicine to help?

1:31:14 Caller Uh-huh.

1:31:15 Drew What medicine?

1:31:16 Caller You know what? I couldn't even tell you. It was a really long time ago, and I've been trying to call into your show for the longest time.

1:31:24 Drew We were talking about a medicine?

1:31:26 Caller No, no, not you guys. I just heard it on a day regular show, like a day show.

1:31:32 Drew There are some antidepressants that sometimes stimulate things like bupropion, wellbutrin. Okay. But that's sort of a side effect, really.

1:31:42 Adam You never had one alone or with somebody?

1:31:45 Caller Right.

1:31:46 Adam And do you masturbate?

1:31:48 Caller I tried. It's not something I care to do.

1:31:53 Adam Why not?

1:31:55 Caller It's not something I enjoy.

1:31:57 Adam Right, but you got a little catch-22 because you don't have an orgasm, so you don't masturbate, but if you don't masturbate, you're not going to have an orgasm.

1:32:04 Drew You're willing to take a medication to do it, but not willing to sort of...

1:32:08 Caller I have tried. I have tried and it just has never worked.

1:32:13 Adam When's the last time you tried?

1:32:17 Caller Probably a couple of days ago.

1:32:20 Adam Oh, really? All right, so you are trying. You ever try the tub?

1:32:23 Caller No.

1:32:24 Adam That's what they say works.

1:32:26 Caller Oh, really?

1:32:26 Adam Yeah. You push the loofah up there and make sure and lather it up with the pral real good. No, you let the water run on your crotch, apparently. This is what the women enjoy.

1:32:41 Caller Okay.

1:32:41 Adam All right.

1:32:42 Caller Is there such thing as being too sensitive?

1:32:46 Drew No. There's such thing as being very sensitive.

1:32:50 Adam You know what?

1:32:50 Drew Not too sensitive.

1:32:51 Adam I don't even think it's the water. I just think it's being in the tub. I think a chick could be fully dressed, lie down in a tub that was out in the middle of a concrete slab in the parking lot and have an orgasm.

1:33:01 David Arquette I think somewhere along there you kind of slipped into fantasy land.

1:33:05 Adam Women love tubs, though. Women are nuts for tubs. They're constantly buying things. They're going, this would look good by the tub. I'm going to put this in the tub. How much stuff have you bought that goes into your tub, Drew, in your life? You spent 89 cents over the last 20 years? No, no, not soap and shampoo.

1:33:25 Drew I can't even imagine beyond that.

1:33:26 Adam I'm talking about salts and fragrances and aromas and things that are in decorative bottles with little ribbons and corks stuffed into them. Women sit around all day going, what the F can I put in the tub? I've got to put something else in this tub. I'm in the tub. For me, being in the tub is a coup. That's enough.

1:33:45 Drew It's weird.

1:33:46 Adam Me, the tub and the water, that's fine. I don't have to start dead. They got to get it like some kind of rock soup in there. Everyone from the community comes by and drop something into the tub. Women, and they go shopping, and they go to these stores and they go, hey, here's something that could go in the tub.

1:34:04 Drew Bed and bath.

1:34:05 Adam Here's some candles. I'll light these, I'll put them by the tub. Then this actually goes in the tub. Then just, I put this on the edge, looks like it's going to go in the tub, never goes in the tub. It just looks good like it might go in the tub.

1:34:16 Drew Well, but the tub is divided into different elements. There's the actual water, there's the container for the water, there's the side drain board.

1:34:24 Adam Right, yeah, you got to decorate all facets of the tub.

1:34:26 Drew The candles and the spigot, they're all different.

1:34:29 Adam Women want to get a bigger house so they can get a bigger tub one day. That's how they know they've arrived. And they love the masturbation in the tub, but like I said, I'm really starting to think it's about the tub, not the water. Brian? Yeah. You're 24.

1:34:46 Caller How you doing?

1:34:46 Adam You've smoked weed for 20, sorry, for two months, and now you get headaches if you don't smoke weed.

1:34:53 Caller Well, it's, what it is, I never really smoked it before, but for the past, I mean, my friends, you know.

1:35:00 Adam All right, listen, Hasher, but for the past two months, you've been smoking it, right?

1:35:03 Caller Right. Just out of nowhere, I just started smoking pot.

1:35:06 Adam Okay. Now you get a headache.

1:35:08 Drew Now you have withdrawal.

1:35:09 Caller What's that?

1:35:10 Drew Now you have some withdrawal.

1:35:11 Adam Yeah. Well, did he quit? Oh, I see. If he doesn't, he gets it.

1:35:15 Drew Yeah.

1:35:15 Adam Really?

1:35:16 Drew Do you have migraines by history?

1:35:19 Caller Actually, when I was a little kid, there weren't really migraines, but they had these headaches that I would get once a year and they last for like six or seven days.

1:35:25 Drew I could see how the withdrawal from pot could potentially precipitate headaches, particularly if you had a history of headaches.

1:35:30 Adam So, listen, do not regurgitate. Our callers cannot stand it when you ask their question or state their question for them. You know, it's like, so you've smoked pot for the last two months, and now when you quit, you get a headache. Well, no, hold on. I never smoked pot before, but for the last two months, I've been smoking pot, and the problem is, it's like, okay, why do we have to add ten minutes to every call? Unless there's a major error in the way I state it, leave it alone. Chris?

1:36:00 Drew Chris? Oh, Chris.

1:36:02 Adam Well, Chris had only been on hold for five minutes. He can't be asleep yet, or she'd be asleep.

1:36:07 Drew All right, the question was, he and his girlfriend had sex two days ago. How long after can you use, after sex, can you use emergency contraception? Chris?

1:36:13 Caller Yeah.

1:36:14 Drew That's 72 hours, Chris.

1:36:15 Caller Oh, 72 hours?

1:36:16 Drew But the sooner after the intercourse, the more effective the pill. So the quicker you get this, the more likely you are to prevent a pregnancy.

1:36:23 Caller And how, like, what's the percentage?

1:36:25 Drew It's like 90% in the first 24 hours, like 85 in the 48 and 75 at 72. Okay. Chris? He's running out to get the pill. He's running out.

1:36:39 Adam Good. I hope so. Corinne?

1:36:42 Caller Yeah.

1:36:43 Adam You're 17. What's up?

1:36:45 Caller Um, my boyfriend, he, like, eats his sperm after he gets off.

1:36:50 Drew That's nice.

1:36:52 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

1:36:54 Caller Yikes.

1:36:55 David Arquette He's not afraid of the guy early. The guy who got it on his cut. This is not the same guy.

1:37:01 Adam He eats his own sperm, right?

1:37:02 Drew And what's your question?

1:37:03 Adam You're scared if you have kids he's going to eat the kid?

1:37:06 Caller No. He said that nine out of ten guys do this, and I was just wondering if that was true.

1:37:10 Drew That is not true.

1:37:11 Caller Okay.

1:37:12 Drew Well, take a vote in this room. There's three in this room.

1:37:14 David Arquette No, sir.

1:37:15 Adam No.

1:37:15 Drew Zero out of three.

1:37:16 Adam No. I'll take a Tumblr jizz every once in a while at a party, but not on a daily basis.

1:37:22 Drew In a mix, too, right?

1:37:23 Adam Listen, I can't, uh...

1:37:24 David Arquette I can't down an egg like a Rocky.

1:37:30 Adam And besides, I'd be 300 pounds. I do a lot of masturbation. There's just no way I could keep up with that. You know, before you go to bed, especially, you're not supposed to be eating, taking in all those calories.

1:37:40 Drew Thank you, Karen.

1:37:42 Adam He says nine out of ten guys do this?

1:37:44 Caller Yeah. Do you guys have time for another question?

1:37:46 Drew Quickly. Go.

1:37:49 Caller No?

1:37:49 Adam All right, idiot.

1:37:50 Drew I missed your chance.

1:37:53 Adam Listen, guys do this. It only works when chicks are 15, 16, 17. They're young and they've not been with any guys before. It's like, oh yeah, anal sex. Yeah. Nine out of ten. Eating the sperm, nine out of ten.

1:38:08 David Arquette Four out of seven dentists recommend it.

1:38:11 Adam Right. Surveys say that they recommend eating sperm to their patients. I'm always wondering who the one dentist who said, no, no sugarless. You get to, you double down with the sugar and sleep with it in your mouth, would you? And don't brush or floss while you're at it.

1:38:27 Drew Rouga Salt's dentist.

1:38:29 Adam Yeah. It's like, who was the one guy who said, yeah, put some sugar cubes in your cheeks before you go to bed at night. It's good for your teeth. All right. We're going to take a little break and we'll be back.

1:38:45 Caller We'll be right back with more.

1:38:46 Adam Loveline. Well, there you have it. Another successful show behind us. I want to thank David Arquette for coming out and hanging with us tonight.

1:39:20 David Arquette Thanks for having me.

1:39:22 Adam Always a pleasure to have you. Year 2000 is the BandScream 3, is the name of the movie, soundtrack's currently out, and the movie will be out on the 4th of February. Thanks again for coming in, David, and until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:39:37 Caller What's the connection between the homo and the girl? Well now.

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Tuesday, January 18, 2000