Episode 1000754887163

2:26 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

2:29 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

2:35 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

2:37 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

2:39 Voiceover Loveline.

2:41 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-8-5-4-44-55. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. And I'll tell you, the surreal part of my job is I was sitting at home watching Titus tonight, 8.30, Monday night, Fox. And I finished watching it, I got up, I came here, and here's Chris Titus right in front of me.

3:08 Christopher Titus It's Christopher Titus. Chris Titus is something you get vaccinated for, but thanks Adam.

3:11 Adam I'm sorry. I always screw, you know, I always take the easy way out and drop a syllable or two. But we're just watching it and enjoying it, and I was talking to Christopher about how they film it on the same place as Loveline and The Man Show. So it's all one big Hollywood Center studio family we got going here. And we didn't talk about the show, but I did notice something that I didn't recognize you from, but it's one of my all-time favorite movies. Christopher was in Killer Clowns from Outer Space.

3:43 Christopher Titus Yes, I was. Thank you very much, Adam, for bringing that up. I'm not letting that die. Appreciate it.

3:47 Drew Your all-time favorites.

3:48 Adam Yeah, you ever see that?

3:49 Drew After Shakes the Clown?

3:51 Adam Did you ever see that, Killer Clowns from Outer Space?

3:53 Drew No, can't say I did.

3:54 Adam A surreal, bizarre, horror sort of killer, well, the title says it all, but it's good. I mean, you gotta get stoned and watch that movie at least once.

4:07 Christopher Titus One of my lines in the movie is, wow, check this out. Thank you very much. Had Dustin Hoffman not done that Rain Man piece of Crip, I'd be all over it.

4:15 Adam Well, I'll tell you, I liked it, and now you're really a hero to me because you're in that movie.

4:20 Christopher Titus Thanks, man.

4:21 Adam What was that, like, 88, 89?

4:23 Christopher Titus Yeah, it was my first acting gig, and actually I drove a jeep onto this, I had this cliff in Santa Cruz. First act, I'd never done an acting thing. The director goes, all right, drive the jeep in, haul ass, spark it, throw a beer to a couple cast members, show your line, get back in the jeep. So I do that, I get out of the jeep, and the jeep rolls into a fence that looked like a real fence, but it was a prop fence on this cliff. The fence goes out about eight feet, and I hear, CUT, and two big, huge, bulky union guys run over, grab me and the girl out of the jeep, basically just throw me, pull the brakes, they lease the jeep. And so I'm wearing a big goober hat the whole rest of the day. Hey, I'm the guy that almost wrecked the jeep, I almost cost you 14 grand, how you doing?

4:57 Adam Where do they film that?

4:58 Christopher Titus Santa Cruz, I'm Santa Cruz, California.

4:59 Adam Oh yeah, I just got that. I got it from the Kyoto brothers, by the way, who are the guys who did All the Clowns. And the Kyoto brothers are three Jewish guys. And I was expecting to meet a couple of guys who just got off the boat kind of thing. And I don't know how they spell their name or what's going on, but everyone who looks forward to meeting these guys must think they're gonna meet, you know, just some, you know, like you're gonna hear big gong when they walk into the office. Titus, there we go. Who the hell did we have on from Titus last week?

5:34 Jake.

5:35 Christopher Titus Zach Ward.

5:35 Adam Oh, Zach Ward, Dan.

5:36 Oh, wow.

5:36 Christopher Titus What an impression. Zach's gonna be really happy to hear that.

5:39 I'll be all over him.

5:40 Christopher Titus Hey, Jake. On the set, I go, hey, Jake, what's up?

5:43 Adam No, I was watching him tonight. I was watching you tonight. And you guys, you do good, you work well as brothers.

5:51 Christopher Titus We play dumb well.

5:53 Adam It works. It's believable. So how this whole thing gets started, I'm looking at it here, but why don't you tell us?

5:58 Christopher Titus I did a show called Norman Rockwell is Bleeding here at the Hudson Theatre. Actually, I did stand up for 16 years. And slowly, I almost quit stand up about 10, 12 years in. I just almost said, I said, screw this. I was growing like a tumor on my soul. I hated it.

6:10 Adam Good.

6:10 Christopher Titus Because I was going, hey, you ever notice when you go to the store and you see something that we all notice and it's not funny, it's just noticeable?

6:16 Adam Yes.

6:17 Christopher Titus And so I was that guy, very nice, perfect. And I was going to quit. I was going to go back, work in a body shop. And a friend of mine took me aside and said, I don't even know that happy guy. Who the hell is that guy? This intense guy comes in pissed off all the time. Be that guy. And I started writing about my mom in a mental hospital and all this other stuff and made it funny. And it turned into this show, Norman Rockwell's Bleeding, which got nominated for a theater award. And then Fox came down after everybody else said that CBS was relentless. And NBC, want to hear a great story about NBC? Very nice. Going to their office, they're like, we love you, man, you're great. So we're having this development meeting. We're sitting on a table, everything's going great. And I'm going, look, I want to do classic television. Let's push the envelope, see what we can do. You know, what you're supposed to say. And this woman picks up this rock from her desk and she walks over and she slams it in front of me. And on the rock it says, risk. It's one of those rocks from the successories in the mall. So she didn't risk anything to get the rock. She didn't go through fire or climb the mountain. She just went to the mall and bought the risk rock. So they slapped this rock down in front of me and I'm like, all right, NBC's all about it. So I leave and the next day they call for tape. They watch the one man show. And you know, it's about my mom's suicide and about my dad, my dad's drinking and him getting busted for drunk driving on television. And they call back and they're like, yeah, it's a little too edgy for us.

7:26 Adam We like the risk rock back.

7:28 Christopher Titus And my agent stopped me, actually was making, I painted up a safe rock and I put it in a box. And my agent said, no, no, no, no, no, I sent in the safe rock. So I thought I could talk about it now on the radio.

7:37 Drew Well, you got to do what Adam does though.

7:39 Adam What do I do?

7:40 Drew You got to tell him to kiss your ass now.

7:42 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah, go ahead, use the radio. Tell NBC to kiss your ass.

7:46 Christopher Titus That's right. Fox is not a tenuous grip on show business. I'm in now.

7:50 Adam Oh, yeah.

7:51 Christopher Titus It's like nine episodes. Yeah, let me tell the entire network to kiss my ass. I love NBC.

7:56 Adam All right. Well, I would tell them to kiss my ass if I were you. I have a peer pressure thing now, Adam. Well, I've never told NBC to kiss my ass. Have I, Drew?

8:05 Drew Is there anybody you haven't told to kiss your ass?

8:07 Adam I think NBC may be the only one left. Speaking of NBC, well, wait a minute. What channel is PI on? ABC?

8:13 Drew ABC, yeah.

8:14 Adam You did that tonight?

8:14 Drew Yeah.

8:15 Adam How was that?

8:16 Drew Interesting. Is that the Playboy Mansion? Yeah.

8:20 Adam I'm doing it tomorrow night. That's why Drew is telling me tonight.

8:22 Drew Really, I mean, it's visually, it's beautiful the way they photograph the thing, but it's hard to engage in a meaningful discussion with all this party going on around.

8:31 Adam People walking around?

8:32 Drew Yeah. He's trying to recreate Hef's Playboy After Dark.

8:35 Adam Who was on it with you? That's the beauty of Drew, everybody. You don't know one person who was on it with you, do you?

8:43 Drew I'd have to sit down and remember everybody's name. William Shatner.

8:46 Adam Okay. That's one you could remember.

8:48 Christopher Titus He was on Hef's thing.

8:50 Adam I know. He actually was sodomized in the grotto by Hef himself.

8:53 Drew That was reenacted in full living color.

8:56 Christopher Titus Hard to discuss the political issues while that's going on.

8:58 Drew It was just hard. The whole thing was... It's really... I mean, it's wonderful to watch. Seriously, it's beautiful. They have it lit and everything and the peacocks everywhere.

9:07 Adam Now, did you do the early... Are they doing two? They told me they were doing two.

9:10 Drew Night one, number one.

9:12 Adam Yeah. But what I mean is, did they film another one after?

9:14 Drew And they're doing three tomorrow.

9:16 Adam Oh, really?

9:16 Drew Yeah.

9:17 Adam Jesus Christ, I wonder which one I'm doing. I'm doing the late one, I think.

9:20 Drew What time? No, you're doing the second one.

9:22 Adam I'm doing 8.30 to like nine or something and then I'm out of there.

9:25 Drew Whatever.

9:26 Adam And then basically, here's my plan. 8.30 to nine, I do PI. Then it's some light raping, very light raping and then right to the car and over to Loveline.

9:36 Christopher Titus Very nice.

9:36 Adam That's my plan.

9:37 Christopher Titus So you said it looked beautiful.

9:38 Drew Oh, it was beautiful.

9:39 Christopher Titus That's great.

9:41 Drew I thought to myself, if I were flipping a channel changer around and I came across that, I'd be like, what is this?

9:48 Christopher Titus I like to watch political repartee. I do it for the scenery. Very nice.

9:52 Drew I think it was actually irritating Bill because a lot of it was spent on photographing the environment he wanted to get to the discussion.

9:59 Adam I see. Well, he's all business, that Bill, when he's not banging Asian hookers and smoking weed. He's all business. All right. Should we go to the phone?

10:08 Christopher Titus He's doing the show tomorrow, right?

10:09 Drew Actually, I'm going to be on tonight. It'll be aired tonight, the show I just did.

10:12 Adam Drew is on the show tonight. I'm doing the show tomorrow and the Lord knows when that'll air, but we'll figure it out. Steven?

10:19 Yeah?

10:19 Adam You're 13?

10:20 Caller Yep.

10:21 Adam What's up?

10:22 Caller Hey, man. I was just saying, man, you guys kick ass, man. You are like the coolest radio show in the world. And Christopher Titus, I was watching you today on Fox, and you're hilarious, man.

10:36 Adam Wow.

10:36 Christopher Titus Thanks, man. Thanks.

10:37 Adam We covered all the bases.

10:38 Christopher Titus We're the seventh graders. We're kicking some butt.

10:40 Caller Hell, yeah.

10:41 Adam What's up?

10:42 Caller And, well, first, I can really fart good, too.

10:46 Adam Oh, you can?

10:47 Caller Yep.

10:47 Adam Well, what do you have for us?

10:49 Caller All right. Here. Listen to this. Hold on a second.

10:58 Adam Yeah, okay.

11:01 Christopher Titus Don't hurt yourself. You're only 13. You got many years ahead of you. Don't break something now.

11:06 Drew How could you?

11:09 Adam No.

11:10 Christopher Titus No. No, no, no, no.

11:11 Adam No. Well, maybe.

11:15 Caller Did you get that?

11:16 Adam Yeah, but we don't believe it.

11:17 Caller You don't?

11:18 Adam No.

11:18 Caller How could you not believe that?

11:20 Adam Because it sounded very fake. That's how come. Yeah.

11:23 Caller Oh, come on.

11:24 Drew So what was your question, Stephen?

11:25 Caller All right. I like masturbate and stuff to like pornography on the computer. My parents like caught me tons of times and I don't know what to do.

11:41 Adam All right. Well, you're going to have to close the door. There you go.

11:44 Caller Yeah. They like come in and I don't have a lock on my room.

11:47 Adam Yeah. You're going to have to be more discreet. I don't know what it is about. Well, here's what it is. When you're young, aha, when you're young, you're stupid. And it's not your fault. It's just you're 13. You don't know that much. Now, people who get busted over and over again when they're older are old and stupid. And I think that's it. You have to be stupid to get busted a lot because what it is is, you know what I mean? I mean, think about like the way animals act. Animal will start chewing on your favorite pillow while you're standing there. You know what I mean? That is sort of the height of stupidity. They don't have any intelligence at all. And a kid will do it when you're in the next room. And then you should get older, you wait for your folks, leave for out of town before you start chewing on the pillow.

12:33 Drew What's interesting about old Stephen here is that he has no perceived sort of shame or embarrassment. It's just, damn, tons of time.

12:43 Christopher Titus He didn't say he was in trouble either. They just walked in.

12:45 Drew I mean, he's so desensitized to it. It's like, hey, Stephen, put your clothes away.

12:50 Adam I do not want to catch my kid jacking off, though.

12:53 Drew I mean, once, they put me in a hospital.

12:55 Adam Yeah. So I drew, Drew has triplets. Drew, when your kids, those two boys of yours, and believe me, they're going to be world champion jackers. I know those two. They got a lot of energy. They got the Pinsky gene. And they're going to be going at themselves about their 13th birthday until they move out of the house. And then just be on their own time. And Drew, here's what you're going to have to do. You're going to not only have to knock on their door, but you're going to have to start narrating down the hall.

13:21 Drew I'm coming down the hall.

13:22 Adam I am getting up off of the sofa and moving toward my lad's room now. And you'll wear big iron diving boots.

13:32 Drew And carry a rolled up newspaper.

13:33 Adam That's right.

13:34 Drew Stop it. Stop it.

13:35 Christopher Titus A lot of coughing. For some reason, you develop emphysema. Ha ha!

13:39 Adam Yes. Drew, you do not want to see those kids going at themselves, eh? No. No.

13:44 Christopher Titus I think the weird part maybe is that his parents keep walking in on him and checking for him.

13:47 Adam Yeah. Well.

13:48 Christopher Titus Let the kid go.

13:49 Adam Well, it's the computers. It was probably like in the family room or something. Joe? Yep. You're 16. What's up?

13:56 Caller Well, sorry about last night. I called up with the same question, but I kind of fell asleep.

14:01 Drew Yeah. You were not snoring well enough for Adam. Oh, I wasn't?

14:04 Adam Yeah. Those of you who fall asleep when you're on hold for 85 minutes must snore like novelty snore. Otherwise, you're of no entertainment value to the show at all. All right. Well, what's your question, Gio?

14:17 Caller Well, unlike my upper chest, kind of my shoulders and my back, my skin, it's got like dark splotches and it's just darker than the rest of my body skin.

14:30 Drew Like large patches of dark skin or coalescent freckles?

14:37 Caller Depends on the area, like on my back, right along the edge of my ribs. Like if you took a ruler and just put it straight down, it stops at that one point and it's like in the center of the back.

14:51 Drew Okay. Is it just slightly darker?

14:56 Caller Yeah, it gets worse.

14:58 Drew In the summer?

14:59 Caller Yeah, it gets worse during the summer.

15:01 Drew If you were to outline it, would it sort of be like an outline of a wings on your back?

15:05 Caller Like a what?

15:05 Drew Like wings on your back? Sort of like wing pattern?

15:09 Caller I don't know about that, but...

15:11 Drew I think what you're describing is something called tinea versa color, or malassecea furfur, which is a real common mild fungus that either hyper or hypo pigments the skin right in the distribution you're talking about, and it gets worse in the sun, is more noticeable in the sun. Yeah. And what you ought to do is just try using some selsun blue, a selenium shampoo, as a soap every day in the shower, and take a few months, but you see if that doesn't bring it under control. All right?

15:40 Caller So I can wash myself with shampoo and it will stop?

15:43 Drew It's a fungus, and it comes out with...

15:45 Adam It's a certain kind of shampoo.

15:46 Drew Selenium. Yeah, yeah, I got that already.

15:49 Adam Selsun blue, you know, the dandruff shampoo?

15:51 Drew Sounds too easy. If that doesn't do it in three or four months, then there's other... many other things can be done for it, but that's the easiest thing.

15:57 Adam Try that first.

15:58 Drew All right?

15:59 Adam You know, you get a little older, your skin doesn't rebound. I was... you know, I'd spent a lot of time... you know, when we all grew up, there was no sunscreen or anything. Everyone was just constantly getting baked out in the sun, nonstop. But I was in the Gay Pride Parade, like, three years ago, as sort of a goof. Well, I was dressed as one of the village people. It was a morning show thing. I remember we got in a big argument with the program director, which is, on our float, we wanted a big sign that said, Hello Gays, on it. He was like, You can't put Hello Gays on your float. And we're like, Why not? It's a Gay Pride Parade. And we're saying hello to the gays. We ended up getting Hello Gays on our float. But I was the construction worker from the village people. I was wearing a tank top. Gay Pride Parade goes down Santa Monica Boulevard. I was out in the sun for about nine hours. And I think, and I know this sounds bizarre, take it any way you want. I think the Lord intensifies the sun that day to punish the gays. It's a theory.

17:04 Drew Punish or highlight? Shed a golden light upon their parade.

17:09 Adam There's gold and something going on over there, but it's not light. It's in a liquid form, Drew. And I think he intensifies his burning rays to punish the gays. That's just a thought of mine.

17:19 Drew Why were you the only one sunburned?

17:20 Adam He mistook me for one of the gays. I was on the float.

17:23 Christopher Titus This is a village person. Even God's gonna see it.

17:25 Drew Adam, they're very careful where the sun's going.

17:27 Adam I know, but I, being a straight guy, did not put the sunscreen on and got the wrath of God with the rest of the gays. You understand? And I still have a wife beater sort of strap mark going over each shoulder. I mean, you can see a faint outline of where it's like, God burnt that gay day right into me.

17:46 Drew Like a scar.

17:47 Adam Yeah.

17:48 Christopher Titus My great-grandparents used vinegar on me when I got sunburned.

17:51 Adam Oh, really?

17:51 Christopher Titus I'm like five and I'm thinking, oh my God, I'm bathing in vinegar. Please God, they're marinating me. Don't let them eat me.

17:58 Adam Daniel?

18:00 Hello?

18:00 Adam You're 15?

18:01 Caller Yeah. Hey.

18:02 Adam What's up?

18:03 Caller First of all, I want to say I love you guys.

18:06 Adam Thank you.

18:07 Caller All right. Anyways, I have a small penis and I'm afraid to get sexual. I'm afraid to get close to a female.

18:17 Drew Well, you're 15, first of all. Maybe it's not time yet for you to do that kind of thing.

18:21 Adam How small is it?

18:23 Caller I'm hard, about three inches.

18:26 Adam Oh, no.

18:28 Caller Really?

18:29 Adam You measured it?

18:30 Caller Yeah.

18:31 Christopher Titus From where?

18:32 Drew All right. Listen, at 15, he's got six more years of growth ahead. Plenty of time to go. Late puberty is associated with longevity. Not a bad thing. You're comparing yourself against peers that are probably more developed at this age. It's normal to feel inadequate, but it doesn't mean you're inadequate. It has nothing to do with you as a person.

18:53 Adam And if you use my new technique for measurement, it's going to work out. You measure from the center of the anus to just beyond the tip, just past the tip. Whatever that distance is for you is what you use. Yeah.

19:06 Christopher Titus It's like getting a stroke in golf or taking one off. Just beyond the tip.

19:09 Drew There you go. Six Corollas.

19:14 Adam All right, Daniel. Listen, you're fine, but just make sure your tongue works.

19:19 Christopher Titus I was going to say, how's your tongue, brother? Exactly what I was going to say.

19:23 Adam I'm serious. Christopher, let's have a serious discussion about oral sex here. That's all women want anyway.

19:29 Christopher Titus If you're good at it, that's all you're right.

19:30 Adam You're absolutely right. They would take that over intercourse any day of the week. They like some of that, like a sprinkling of that, but the oral sex is what they're really interested in. If you're a guy who has a small penis and you compensated by being excellent with the oral sex, you're in.

19:48 Christopher Titus You're all over it.

19:49 Adam The woman will be very satisfied.

19:50 Christopher Titus She will tell her friends.

19:52 Adam That's right. Christy?

19:54 Yes.

19:55 Adam You're 22.

19:56 Caller Yeah. What's up? I just have a question. I have kind of like little red bumps around my vagina. Not exactly in it, but just around it. I was wondering if that might be some kind of STD.

20:12 Drew You want to give me more info than little red bumps?

20:15 Caller They kind of look almost like blisters.

20:18 Drew Do they hurt?

20:19 Caller No, not at all. They don't itch or hurt.

20:22 Drew Is it symmetric on both sides?

20:24 Caller I'm sorry, what's that?

20:25 Adam The same on both sides?

20:27 Caller Yeah.

20:27 Adam You have just as many on one side as you do on the other, basically?

20:31 Caller Well, it's kind of like in a circle almost. There's not a whole lot, maybe about 10 all together. I see. If I try to pop it, it'll come back in about a week.

20:45 Drew So you pop it or do you scrape it off?

20:49 Caller Kind of scrape it.

20:51 Drew When you scrape it off, what comes off?

20:54 Caller Kind of like blood, not really cusp or anything.

20:59 Drew I'm not sure what this is. At first I thought maybe you were talking about molluscum contagiosum, which is a little, looks like a zit with a little hard top that peels off.

21:07 Caller Yeah. It's not really a hard top. It's a little bit bigger than a pimple.

21:12 Drew It's very frustrating. Bigger than a pimple?

21:14 Caller It's kind of, it's not as raised as a pimple. It's more smooth, kind of like a smooth bump.

21:21 Drew Boy, you're going to have to see a dermatologist, Christy. I have no idea what you're describing. As usual, very, very limited success in listening to people describe their skin problems.

21:32 Adam Well, you think it might be a venereal thing?

21:35 Caller I think it might be.

21:37 Drew Well, make sure, make sure a doctor looks at it before it goes away then, so he can make that determination.

21:44 Caller Okay, thank you.

21:45 Christopher Titus Wow, she sounds so perky compared to the guy with the short penis. He must be feeling a lot better right now going, hey, all I got is this.

21:50 Adam Well, if he could go to a doctor, get a little ointment to rub on it.

21:54 Christopher Titus That's true.

21:54 Adam Make it six and a half inches. He'd be in a good mood too. It breaks my heart to hear a guy who's just broken at 15, though.

22:04 Christopher Titus Eddie, he sounded just fine.

22:05 Adam The penis does some growing between 15 and death, doesn't it, Drew?

22:09 Drew 15 and 21, a bunch.

22:12 Christopher Titus A bunch?

22:12 Drew Some guys, the whole thing is then.

22:14 Adam Really? That's what it makes?

22:15 Drew From childhood to manhood goes on then.

22:17 Adam Mine made its move between six and nine, I think.

22:21 Caller Oh, man. Yeah.

22:23 Christopher Titus You were like some circus freak.

22:24 Adam Then it stopped.

22:25 Drew It stalled out.

22:25 Adam And what happened?

22:26 Drew No, no, no. It stalled.

22:28 Christopher Titus Oh, it stalled. It stopped?

22:30 Adam It made its move, yeah.

22:31 Christopher Titus That was it.

22:34 Adam It was like a horse.

22:35 Christopher Titus Blew an axle and now he's over.

22:36 Adam Like a horse that makes its run just out of the gate and then just falls behind the pack. Hey, Drew?

22:44 Drew Yeah?

22:44 Adam I had the misfortune of looking at an old man naked for some time on Friday. Why? Well, jeez, I don't want to give away the joke, but what the...

22:56 Drew Is it a man show, Joe?

22:57 Adam It's a man show thing. We're doing a museum of the annoying guy and basically it's a guy who talks to you at the gym too long, you know, the old guy. And I noticed though, because I have been to the Burbank Y a few times where old guys like to talk to you wearing nothing, the penis seems to sort of, the shaft seems to go away and the head is all that seems to be left as you get a little older.

23:21 Drew It sucks back up.

23:22 Adam Yeah, it starts to head back up. Now, if you live to, let's say, 140, would it start poking out of your ass eventually or is it just sort of consumed by your abdomen?

23:33 Drew Turns into a vagina.

23:34 Adam It does, by 140.

23:36 Drew Yeah.

23:36 Adam You're saying. So, seriously, what happens to the penis when you get older? What do we have to look forward to here? You know what I mean? You get this. It's like a patch. It's like, it's if, it's like, here's what it looks like. It's all gray pubic hair. It's like if Santa put a hot dog in his mouth and then swallowed, you know, just about four or five inches. So there's just like an inch of hot dog hanging out of Santa's mouth. That's what it looks like.

24:03 Drew That's actually somebody doing rather well.

24:05 Adam Oh, you got, please.

24:07 Christopher Titus At 80, I'm putting on a big hose clamp and it's not moving anymore. I'm just gonna lock it down.

24:11 Adam You better put that hose clamp on at 65.

24:13 Christopher Titus I'm gonna put like a sleeve on and some tape.

24:14 Drew Because you gotta factor the whole panus element in the starts to fold over.

24:18 Adam Meaning your gut starts draping over the thing?

24:21 Drew Yeah, I think so.

24:22 Christopher Titus So it's not the penis dis-

24:24 Adam Why? I know what, where's it going?

24:27 Christopher Titus Why is it leaving? What did we do?

24:29 Adam Yeah. I mean, why does it-

24:31 Drew We're very bad boys.

24:32 Adam Why does it start retracting that way?

24:34 Christopher Titus Some retirement program we don't know about?

24:35 Drew What exactly? I'm sure it's a function of lowering testosterone levels, the penis sort of dropping down.

24:42 Adam You need like an Indian guy with a flute to get it out of there. It's like it's not coming out. I mean, how do you get it out?

24:52 Drew You have to tease it out.

24:54 Adam Oh, really? That's not part of your work as a doctor, is it?

24:57 Drew Comedians do that stuff.

24:58 Christopher Titus So if you use it, but if you use it, it won't do that. Even at that age, if you're still going, it'll keep staying out.

25:04 Drew Yeah, it'll retract a little bit. Guys' penis will change based on their success level, their leadership positions. It will change.

25:13 Christopher Titus By the way, I'm huge right now.

25:15 Adam It ain't going to get any bigger than this. This is it. Take a picture, brother.

25:19 Drew That's it.

25:19 Christopher Titus I'm done.

25:20 Drew There can't be Corolla changes, not three Corolla change.

25:24 Adam Thank you. Yeah. Center of the anus, just beyond the tip. Hey, Drew, so if you had to put a timeline on when a man's penis was at its best, because when you're 17, 18, sure, it works great and stuff, but it doesn't have the hang. I mean, it hasn't felt the effects of gravity long enough.

25:45 Drew Is that gravity or is that maturity and prowess and that sort of thing?

25:49 Adam I think it's gravity. Then as you get older, it starts to retract as we were talking about earlier. So would you say 40 years old is when the penis is at its prime, not from a functional standpoint, from a sort of hanging out at the gym aesthetics standpoint?

26:05 Drew Gym appearance.

26:06 Adam Yeah.

26:07 Drew Yeah, probably 35 to 45 in that range.

26:10 Adam All right. I'm 35. I got to get to the gym and walk around naked for a while. I got to get my kicks in. All right, so this is it. This is it. Here's what you're saying. You're prime.

26:21 Christopher Titus We got 10 years. We got 10 years. I'm 35 too.

26:23 Adam Right.

26:23 Christopher Titus So we got 10 years. All right. Thanks, Drew. I feel a lot better.

26:25 Adam Let's get new. Christopher Titus is here from Titus, Monday Nights, 830 on the Fabulous Fox. And we'll be right back after this. Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Christopher Titus is our guest tonight from Titus, Monday Nights, 8.30 on Fox.

27:25 Christopher Titus Thanks for the plug.

27:26 Adam No problems.

27:27 Drew Adam, I'm pissed at you for denying us our feelings.

27:30 Adam Oh, please, Drew.

27:31 Drew Seriously, Ann, aren't you? Ann, pay attention.

27:34 Adam Oh, listen, don't enlist Ann into this.

27:37 Drew He denies this opportunity to feel things and mourn things.

27:41 Caller I know, that was kind of strange.

27:42 Drew We find out about stuff always late, always like way down the line.

27:46 Adam We're talking about the Fox, Bill the Fox Foster from the Man Show and many other beer related endeavors passing away. Bill passed away, I think it was Thursday, last Thursday. And it's sad, he was, I believe he was 63 and he'd been sick for a little while. He was the Fox who was played the piano and chugged the beer and did all that for the Man Show and we hadn't had him on this season because he's on in the episodes that are airing now because that's from last season but this season he was sick basically the whole time and we'd been keeping in contact with him visiting and whatnot but he took a turn for the worse about a week ago even though he'd been battling this cancer for probably about five or six months probably more like six or eight months and he finally passed on Thursday and I don't know I didn't say anything to you because I didn't know you knew the Fox.

28:52 Drew We actually used to go down to his place in Santa Monica in medical school.

28:56 Adam Down to the Fox Inn? You know the weird thing about the Fox is everyone has a Fox story or seems to know the guy or know of the guy but no one knows anyone else has a Fox story. So every time you meet somebody no one will bring it up and then somebody brings up the Fox and then someone else goes I know that dude and then some guy goes he came down to Arizona when I was in college or whatever but he was a great guy. Always had a smile on his face. He just banged away on that piano and chugged beer and basically he just put a smile on everyone's face. He played Jimmy's 30th birthday. More people vomited after that night I think. I know it doesn't sound like much of a tribute but I never had more fun at a party. It's the way to go. You're always thinking of bands or renting out some miniature golf course or something. Jimmy rented out a VFW hall or something. It held about 200 people. Put the Fox in one corner with his piano, got a keg of beer and that was it. It was like game on the entire night. Ann had it catered by Arby's.

30:10 Drew Nice.

30:12 Adam Arby's going around. I think Jimmy's mom caught me smoking weed in the parking lot. It was funny because I was 33. I was like, damn, Jimmy's mom's coming.

30:24 Christopher Titus I was like, get rid of the joint. Eat it.

30:26 Adam Eat it, dude. I waved my hand around. She's like, Adam, what's going on? I smell marijuana. I'm like, oh no, Mrs. Kimmel.

30:34 Caller No, no.

30:36 Adam I wasn't doing anything. She's like, okay, all right. Well, the reason I came over here is because we're all saying something about Jimmy and I want you to start. I'm like, great, I'm baked.

30:47 I'm going to stand up as a guy.

30:50 Adam This is your worst high nightmare, by the way. I'm going to stand out front of 200 people and try to say something about.

30:56 Christopher Titus That'd be funny, Mr. Radio Guy. Go ahead.

30:59 Drew And I can tell you, I know her conversation. She walked away from Adam, too. I was like, I told you that Corolla boy is such a bad influence on our Jimmy.

31:06 Adam But she is right. All right, but anyway, Bill the Fox Foster passed, and we will miss him. He was definitely one of a kind. I mean, no one else did what he did. And he even drew one out to his Fox in when you were in medical school. And that was a good time, right? Yeah. He got pretty lit over there, right? No, no. Oh, then you weren't participating then. You got to chug the beer. Come on.

31:35 Drew You just watched him do it. That was the amazing thing, just sitting and singing the songs and watching him do it.

31:39 Adam The guy would just take a 16-ounce mug and put it down faster than if you just turned it over. I think he had a sucking action.

31:45 Drew He used to do it standing at his head.

31:47 Christopher Titus I actually thought it was like when I first saw it, when I first watched the man show, and I saw it, I was like, that's just, there's a tube. Yeah, there's a tube down his leg or something. There's no way someone can, gravity doesn't act that fast. Beer does not disappear. You can pour beer out of a glass. It doesn't go down that fast to the floor. Yes. It's an amazing cat.

32:02 Adam I know, and I've seen him chug eggnog. He did a little Christmas show. He did like 15 takes with eggnog. He was about ready to kill us after that.

32:12 Christopher Titus It was one of your better bits on the show, Adam, frankly.

32:14 Adam He was great.

32:17 Drew Man show is doomed. Man show is doomed, the hell with the father.

32:19 Adam Hell with the father. We got juggy twins this year, so we're fine. Danny and Shani from Kentucky. I can't tell them apart. I just take a wild stab each time, and I'm always right, and they're always amazed.

32:34 Whatever.

32:35 Adam I tell them they smell different. That's how I can tell.

32:39 Drew Lee, 21.

32:41 Caller Hi.

32:41 Drew Hi, Lee.

32:42 Adam What's up?

32:43 Caller I love you all so much. Anyway, I have a question about conceiving a baby. If someone were to conceive, like the father was doing cocaine, would it affect the fetus?

33:03 Drew Not in any sort of developmental way. It could, obviously, give the child a 50% chance of inheriting the genetic potential for addiction.

33:12 Adam But that's not from him doing the coca at the time.

33:15 Drew Right.

33:15 Adam That's from father being a coke head.

33:17 Drew The only two drugs that I know of are likely to cause problems as far as conception goes, is there some theories about LSD maybe breaking chromosomes and things. But basically, all that does is prevent conception if one of those sperm hits the egg. I've seen some suspicion that marijuana may increase risk of orthopedic deformities if the father smoked even within several months of conception. But again, that's not been proven. Cocaine speed all the time is nothing else.

33:43 Adam We'd be walking around and we'd be playing out of the mole people. It'd be killer clowns from outer space who, over here, every time someone smoked weed, they'd get birthed through a mongoloid.

33:53 Drew No, no, it'd be a very rare thing.

33:54 Adam God knows, I'd have a horn growing out of my ass.

33:56 Drew It's more like six fingers and that kind of thing.

33:58 Adam And I've said before, what is wrong with six fingers?

34:01 Christopher Titus Yeah, it seems like an asset to me. I'm all over the six fingers.

34:04 Adam Typing, playing the clarinet, you name it.

34:06 Christopher Titus How many pull-ups could you do? Just keep going. You never get tired. You went a little test in fourth grade. They made you do it.

34:12 Caller I have one more question. I take Paxil, I take a 20-milligram, and I have 40-milligram pills that I've been breaking in half, but they don't quite break in half. And I just kind of take a smaller one and a larger one. Is that bad to do?

34:29 Drew With Paxil, that's not a great idea because Paxil is an ultra-short and acting antidepressant. So really, it's not that bad. There's a slight difference, but if there's really a big difference day-to-day, you might have some withdrawal symptoms on a small pill day.

34:41 Adam Don't they have apparatuses to do that?

34:43 Drew Yeah, pill cutters. Talk to your pharmacist, or they should give you one.

34:46 Adam Yeah, I saw a whole report about how much money you could save by just buying higher doses and cutting it in half.

34:51 Drew Some pills, yeah. Not all pills. Be careful, guys, because some pills are complex in a certain way you can't cut them in half.

34:56 Adam I do that with Quaaludes, though. I cut it with a little Jack Daniels is what I cut it with. JD? Nice. I've never had a Quaalude. That's my dream, though. That's my goal. JD? Oh, Jack Daniels. Yeah, I don't know. I swear, maybe I was just looking at that. I don't know how my mind's working. JD, you're 18.

35:15 Caller Okay. Hi. My boyfriend is 25 and he gets mad every time. We're about to mess around when I'm not wet, and yet when he's not hard, he gets frustrated and I just encourage him.

35:32 Drew First of all, he's 25 and you're 18, so the guy's suspect straight away.

35:36 Christopher Titus And he gets mad. Doesn't that help you just get wet when he gets mad? That's not the move right there. 25. That's why he's going after the 18-year-old. Not quite getting it.

35:44 Caller Well, I'm not 25 yet, but...

35:45 Adam I see.

35:46 Christopher Titus 24 and a half.

35:48 Adam And does he yell at your vagina?

35:51 Caller Scald it?

35:52 Adam No, he doesn't. And he gets frustrated or he gets mad?

35:56 Caller He gets upset. He's like, well, I don't turn you on or what?

35:59 Adam Oh, boy.

36:00 Drew He's an idiot. I'm sorry. He's an idiot.

36:02 Adam What branch of construction is he in?

36:05 Caller I mean, it's either one we're hot tubbing.

36:07 Adam JD, what's he do?

36:10 Caller What's he do? He's a bartender.

36:12 Adam Oh, fantastic. And where did you meet him when he was getting in?

36:16 Caller We've been mutual. We've had mutual friends for two years.

36:20 Adam I see. So he got the hots for you.

36:22 Caller He's a great guy.

36:23 Christopher Titus No, he's a great guy. He's a bartender. You're 18 and he's 25. Yeah, a great guy.

36:27 Drew This is not upstanding. This is not great guy behavior.

36:30 Christopher Titus Future senator, I think.

36:31 Adam And he gets upset when you don't get excited. Yeah. He takes it personally.

36:36 Caller Not like cursing or anything, but yeah, he's angry.

36:40 Adam All right. But what's wrong with his penis?

36:44 Caller I have no idea.

36:45 Adam Well, you said it doesn't work sometimes.

36:47 Caller Energy juice. He takes an energy juice every day.

36:51 Adam And does that hurt his penis?

36:53 Caller Doesn't hurt it, but sometimes that's pretty much when it happens.

36:58 Drew Oh, that's ridiculous.

36:59 Adam When he drinks like a V8 or something, his penis falls apart?

37:04 Caller No, like ultra fuel, that kind of stuff.

37:07 Adam Does he work out a lot?

37:08 Caller Yeah.

37:09 Adam Oh, I hate this guy. All right. So what's your question?

37:15 Caller I don't like him being frustrated at me.

37:19 Adam Well, why aren't you excited? What's your estimation?

37:23 Caller Well, because he doesn't touch me. That's how my sister-

37:26 Adam What's he do to you?

37:29 Caller Well, he'll go down on me.

37:31 Adam Oh, boy.

37:32 Caller But I mean, still.

37:34 Adam Yeah.

37:34 Caller Then he'll stop.

37:36 Adam Okay. Listen, here's the thing. You're not describing a great guy yet. You defend him constantly. The guy sounds like an a-hole to me.

37:46 Drew A total a-hole.

37:47 Adam He really does.

37:47 Drew I'm going to back that up.

37:49 Adam For a few reasons. You never stop defending him. Why don't you just admit he may be a bit of an a-hole. The question is, what's up with you that you're attracted to a-holes? Where's your dad?

38:00 Caller He's here.

38:01 Adam Where? Is he a bad guy?

38:03 Caller No. My parents are still together. They've been married 20 years.

38:06 Adam He's not an alcoholic?

38:07 Caller No, nothing.

38:08 Adam He never done anything bad to you?

38:10 Caller Smoke, never.

38:11 Adam Well, then find yourself a nice 19-year-old guy who's Jewish.

38:16 Caller I have just one quick question. Another one. This weekend, my parents went to Vegas, and I stayed at my sister's house, and I had him sleep over, and their temporary roommate ratted me out and told my sister, and she told my mom.

38:34 Drew What the hell are you talking about?

38:36 Adam Yeah, I'm sort of there.

38:37 Drew Who's temporary roommate?

38:38 Adam Her sister's.

38:39 Drew How old is your sister?

38:41 Caller 19.

38:42 Adam And so what's up?

38:43 Caller And so she told my mom, but the thing is, and that made me mad, and I told her not to, and she's throwing pot out of that house.

38:52 Christopher Titus The sister is? Nice get even move right there.

38:54 Caller It's a temporary roommate, and I'm thinking about telling my mom so I can have her kicked out.

38:59 Adam Hold on, I'm trying to get the, hold on a second, let me talk to Drew. Let me keep her on the line for another 30 seconds, we can lock in her coordinates, and I can call in an air strike, and we'll just clean up this whole mess. I haven't done it in a while, but I'm starting to think the only answer to some of these problems between the sister and the roommate and the out of it parents and the whacked out boyfriend is I'm just going to call in an air strike.

39:23 Christopher Titus Napalm the Neighborhood actually, because there's got to be some residual damage around, like three houses around at least.

39:27 Adam Yeah, but any, you know, innocent people die all the time in the name of good causes.

39:33 Christopher Titus That's right.

39:33 Adam And that's just the way it works. And I can't say that it's something I'm proud of, but anytime there's a war, anytime there's a threat against this country, that's what happens. Good people die. It is a small price to pay.

39:45 Christopher Titus It's sad, but I got your back, Commander.

39:47 Adam Those people are heroes. Drew?

39:49 Drew Neighborhood Napalm.

39:51 Christopher Titus Wow, Drew's on board.

39:52 Adam Drew's on board too. And I got to tell you, this was a close one. I wasn't thinking of calling in a strike, but the more I think about it.

40:03 Drew I don't know what she's talking about.

40:04 Adam All right, well, let me just say, listen, JD, here's the deal. We don't care. No. Don't get pregnant. That's the only thing we care about. All right. And don't get even with the roommate. Just get your ass together and go off to college somewhere.

40:17 Drew Yeah, look a little more serious about the kind of choice you make in guys and why you make those choices. And it's maybe just part of the growing out process for her. I mean, some people make bad choices when they're 18, just because they're 18.

40:27 Adam Right. Right. I would have made bad choices with women had any of them taken me in.

40:32 Drew Had you had a choice?

40:33 Adam Had I had a choice, there would have been bad. Yeah, I mean, thank God they saved me from myself, all those women.

40:38 Drew Was this hand or this hand?

40:39 Adam Unattracted to, not attracted to me. All right, we're going to take a little break. Who are we going to talk to? I saw, I see a groin thing up here, got hit in the groin.

40:46 Drew All right.

40:47 Adam That was a swollen nuts.

40:48 Drew All right.

40:49 Adam That sounds good. All right, we'll talk to Jeremy with the Swollen Nuts, Christopher Titus, our guest tonight. We'll talk to Jeremy after this.

41:00 Caller We'll be right back with more Loveline.

41:27 Adam Yep, it is the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Christopher Titus is our guest tonight from Titus. Monday nights, 8.30 on Fox, and we're just having a interesting conversation off the air, though I wanted to talk to Chris about cars, but we instead got into patterns and the human condition.

41:52 Drew And how humans change, and Chris had had experience with changing.

41:56 Christopher Titus Yeah, well, that last call was like she was looking for problems in her life and actually looking to create them. I think we've come in like a nation of victims, everyone's bitching and whining about their lives, because you get a lot of attention when there's stuff going wrong in your life. If everything's going right, that's what you're supposed to do. So they go, yeah, great, good life, continue with that. But if you're screwing up, all of a sudden, the relatives are calling, the mom's calling, I think we've become this, it's so good, there's so much back patting and hugging and sympathy and you need this and you need that, that you create a problem. A lot of people, I've seen kids create problems that don't have any, just so they can get that attention.

42:29 Adam Well it is sort of in vogue now at least to come from a tough background or to be able to have your stories about hard knocks and growing up poor and having abusive parents or what have you.

42:44 Drew So are you finally going to stop with this stuff?

42:46 Adam No, I'll never stop complaining about my horrible parents. But it is, it is true. And Christopher was saying that you know can't you just make a decision and can't you just pull yourself out of that or at least not make it the sort of bane of your existence. And basically my theory is this and I know you've had a less than great life growing up. But you're an intelligent guy. And my theory is I'm an intelligent guy and I had kind of a crappy childhood, but I sort of have the mental horsepower to pull myself out of the mire. If you're a little bit, you know, if you got a 40 watt bulb as opposed to a 100 watt bulb, it's hard to get yourself out of the mire. And I know that may be oversimplifying a complicated situation, but if you're a stupid guy and you're raised in this chaos, you'll stay in this chaos. And if you're smart, it will be your life for a while, but eventually your sort of intelligence will pull you out of it. You'll be attracted to other people. And you'll do things. And that's why you hear about certain people, certain, whether they be, you know, politicians or professionals or whatever they were who grew up in a sort of a squire, not squire, squalor, and pulled themselves...

44:05 Christopher Titus An old English castle.

44:06 Adam Pulled themselves out of that, Meier, and got themselves a life. But those people tend to be kind of intelligent. And you just can't count on the majority of society having that kind of intelligence, at least enough to pull themselves out of where they are.

44:20 Christopher Titus Yeah, but it's just our perception too. You can actually change... All the crappy things that happen to you, you can actually look at it from a different side. Now, that may be an intelligence issue, but also if you have a friend that's doing that, you can kind of point them at their show. Look at it from this way. Without my dad beating my ass and doing what he did, I wouldn't be able to deal with network executives. You know, they bring it on. They don't scare me now. I just think a lot of people just... It's... You get a lot more love when you're in pain.

44:41 Adam Well, that's true, but... And I'm with you. I don't sympathize too much for other people here, but you do have an intelligence that was able to take you from that place to this place.

44:53 Drew But if your behaviors are such that the only way you've ever known love is through these sort of negative interactions, does it make sense that there would be sort of a compulsion to continue down that path?

45:02 Christopher Titus Yeah, but like my dad, when my dad, we'd get in this horrible fight or something, he'd do something heinous, and then I'd go to bed and there'd be like some motocross race on TV. And like to make up, he'd never apologize. He'd come in like 11.30, hey, wake up. There's motocross on. Come watch motocross with me. And he would never apologize. He'd just motocross. Or Evil Knievel's jumping something. Get up and come watch Evil Knievel jumping something. Don't you? Every once in a while. Because he could have died at any moment. Damn.

45:24 Adam Yeah, I miss that. But that was at least your father's way of showing that he loved you and he was apologetic.

45:31 Christopher Titus He dumped a milkshake on my brother once. My brother fell asleep, didn't finish his McDonald's. And my dad, he dumped a milk, he's kid sleeping in his bed and the milkshake was on the bed. Blurped, dumped it on Dave. I'm like, dad.

45:44 Adam You sure that was milkshake? It was milkshake, David.

45:46 Christopher Titus He was too young.

45:47 Adam Jeremy? Yeah. Would have been a good excuse. Jeremy, you're 15.

45:53 Caller I'm 16, I made a mistake.

45:54 Adam I see. Anyone can do that.

45:56 Christopher Titus On your own age.

45:57 Adam Yeah, I remember when I was 16, I used to think I was 15.

46:00 Caller I just turned 16.

46:01 Adam I see. So you were hit in the groin?

46:04 Caller Yeah, I was motocrossing actually on Saturday. I was riding over a jump and I came down without my feet on my pegs. I got hit in the crotch pretty hard.

46:14 Adam The old flying W we call it.

46:16 Drew They're swollen?

46:18 Caller Yeah, I think close to twice their size, normal size.

46:22 Drew Why have you not seen a doctor about this?

46:25 Caller Just haven't had a chance.

46:26 Caller I was sick on Sunday.

46:27 Caller I had a stomach ache on Saturday after that for about an hour and a half.

46:30 Drew Yeah, that might be your testes necrosing, dying.

46:36 Adam Oh, really? Right on the vine, huh?

46:37 Drew Yeah.

46:38 Adam Really?

46:39 Drew I mean, they can fracture, they can blood supply, they can swell to the point the blood supply gets cut off. You gotta go, man. You gotta go.

46:44 Caller They're still the normal, they're still in normal shape and everything.

46:47 Drew You got to go.

46:48 Christopher Titus I cannot believe you're still on the phone, man. I just heard an empty phone hanging from the cradle right now. Drew just said that your testes could be dying on the vine. Did you hear the man?

46:56 Drew Doctor.

46:57 Christopher Titus It's not Adam that said it. It was actually Drew.

46:59 Adam Well, I said dying on the vine, but it was just the thought. I was continuing of Drew's.

47:05 Drew You're just dramatizing my story.

47:05 Adam I tell you what you'd hear if this was me. You'd hear the phone swinging, then you'd hear the helicopter.

47:10 Christopher Titus Exactly. Medevac. That's exactly what I'd be doing.

47:13 Adam That's right. Then you'd hear the chainsaw cutting a hole in the roof so they could lower the basket down from the winch in the helicopter.

47:20 Drew Exactly.

47:20 Adam That's right.

47:21 Christopher Titus When you say the words, double the normal size and I had a really bad stomach ache for a couple of hours.

47:26 Drew That is serious stuff.

47:28 Christopher Titus You can just casually toss them out of sight. House is burning. What should I do?

47:30 Drew That is serious stuff.

47:33 Caller They still have feeling and they still work.

47:36 Drew What do you mean it still works?

47:38 Caller They are still functioning like they should be.

47:40 Drew How do you know that?

47:41 Adam You may ask them.

47:44 Caller Because they are still producing my sperm there.

47:49 Drew Did you have a sperm count?

47:51 Caller Sperm count. I have never had one before.

47:54 Drew How would you know that it is producing adequate sperm? Just because you produce semen doesn't mean you are producing sperm.

47:59 Adam All right. Jeremy, go to the doctor. Have a look at it. All right?

48:03 Christopher Titus Please, my brother.

48:05 Adam All right. Shut up. Go to the doctor.

48:06 Drew Oh, my God.

48:07 Christopher Titus Brett?

48:07 Drew He should go now, frankly.

48:09 Caller Yeah.

48:09 Adam Brett, you are 19. What is up?

48:11 Caller Yeah. I got a question for Dr. Drew.

48:13 Drew Yeah.

48:14 Caller I am a recovering alcoholic. And I got my dad, he married an alcoholic and divorced her. And I don't really have much relationship with her.

48:24 Drew That was your mom?

48:25 Adam Yeah.

48:25 Caller She is my mom. And I got a question. He is quite the codependent. And I am wondering if in conjunction with AA, if Alanon would give me any tools to help me deal with this.

48:36 Adam All right. Hold on a second, Brett. Because we got to take another quick break, all right? Yeah.

48:40 Caller No problem.

48:41 Adam All right. Hang on and we will get to Alanon and AA and all that very exciting stuff. Christopher Titus is our guest and I will take a quick break and we will be back with Brett after this.

48:53 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

48:55 Caller 1-800-LOVE-1-N-1. We'll be right back.

49:38 Adam Yeah, it is Loveline of Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Christopher Titus is our guest tonight. He is from Titus, Monday Nights, 8.30 on Fox, and Eve Six will be in here on Wednesday. That's right. Eve Plum will be in here on Thursday, and then that's it. Just Eve Six. Thank you.

50:04 Caller Yeah.

50:04 Adam You're 19, your alcoholic father is a codependent and blah, blah, blah.

50:10 Caller Actually, my dad isn't an alcoholic.

50:12 Drew He's the alcoholic. Brett's the alcoholic.

50:15 Caller I'm an alcoholic.

50:16 Drew Dad married an alcoholic and divorced.

50:18 Caller Yeah, my mom's an alcoholic.

50:20 Drew And you have no relationship with your mom to speak of?

50:22 Caller Well, not completely. I see her rarely.

50:25 Caller All right.

50:25 Drew And what do you want to do with your dad? You want to go to Al-Anon to understand how to deal with your dad?

50:30 Caller Yeah.

50:31 Caller That's what I'm wondering if Al-Anon will give me the tools to... Well, he's got these... He's got behaviors that are almost like people that just come into AA.

50:43 Drew You think he's an alcoholic, maybe? A dry drunk?

50:45 Caller Yeah. Well, he's like a dry drunk, but he doesn't ever drink. I mean, he never has. He's never had a problem with it.

50:53 Drew Well, it wouldn't hurt to go to Al-Anon, certainly. Work the program there and sort of get you sort of disengaged from him a little bit, perhaps.

51:01 Christopher Titus What exactly is the problem again with him?

51:02 Drew What is Dad doing here?

51:03 Caller Well, what he does, he seems to forget that like a year ago I was like lying in the gutter, like dying, and he doesn't seem to see the steps that I've made and the length that I'm willing to go to do whatever it takes to maintain my sobriety.

51:20 Adam Okay. What does that have to do with you and him, though? I mean, what is he doing? Yeah. He's not acknowledging you?

51:27 Caller Well, he's just, he's being a pain in the ass.

51:30 Adam Like what? What's he say? What's he do?

51:32 Caller Well, he'll bother me day in and day out about the tiniest little details of my life, and I just want to like grab him and go, you know what, it's none of your business.

51:40 Adam But what's that have to do with your alcoholism?

51:43 Caller Well, nothing. I mean, I just want to know if like, if Al-Nan would give me the tools to help me overcome my like fear of him.

51:52 Christopher Titus Well, your fear of him is, I don't know, it just seems like this is about you. It seems like dad's not giving you enough. Good job, Attaboys. That's what it kind of seems like. It doesn't seem like he's really doing anything wrong. It just seems like you're not getting enough acknowledgement. Is that it?

52:05 Caller Yeah, that's about it. Well, yeah.

52:08 Adam All right, but do you feel he's jeopardizing your sobriety?

52:12 Caller Well, not really.

52:15 Adam All right. And he's just sort of overly involved with your life?

52:18 Caller Well, yeah. I mean, I just kind of want to have a better relationship with him than I do right now.

52:21 Adam Well, are you living with him?

52:23 Caller Yeah.

52:23 Adam Well, you got to get out of there. I mean, listen, you're 19. Believe me, that'll solve everything.

52:29 Christopher Titus Or tell him. I think a lot of people, the communication, most problems can be traced back to communication. If you just walk up to him and go, hey, I want a really good relationship with you, you're going to freak him out, number one. He's going to get that really dead, hey, he's going to do that. But just keep saying it to him.

52:42 Drew If you can tolerate it. Some co's can't tolerate it.

52:44 Adam No, but you got to get out of the house.

52:47 Drew Yeah, I agree.

52:48 Adam Hey, and with today's technology, you never have to talk to your parents again. I mean, with not only caller ID, but I was talking to someone the other day, has a certain ring for her mom. Okay, knows when mom is calling. You know what I mean? It's diabolical, but it's smart. You got a pain in the ass for a parent, you hear that certain ring, it's like, hey, I'm heading for the phone.

53:11 Christopher Titus So the phone recognizes the number, gives a certain ring?

53:12 Adam Right.

53:13 Christopher Titus Oh, I want one of those.

53:15 Adam It's not that you aren't going to talk to your parents, it's just they don't, you'll talk to them on your terms. You'll call them when you want to call them.

53:22 Christopher Titus Or the phone rings and you can steal yourself. You don't pick it up real innocent. Hey, how you doing? All the fence is down. You pick it up, you track the meme up, you put the shields up, then you pick the phone up.

53:30 Adam Right. My mom loves me. She called me today at the office and it was like, I'm the world's worst son. She's like, hi, Adam. You have a minute? No. What a prick. You're being straight. Well, as I said, I don't have a minute. I have, because my mom's minute is a couple of Fortnights. I said, I have a few seconds. So you want to talk about scheduling or going out to lunch or doing something like that. But the point is, let's just get to it because I'm in the middle of something here. They're all right. They can handle it.

54:04 Drew Yeah. But Brett has to realize that this fantasy that he needs from his dad, it may just be fantasy. It may not be about the real person that his dad is. And in fact, talking to his dad about it, some people are narcissistically oriented, can't tolerate that. Having a child who is separate scares the hell out of them. And they just freak out and start to get very sort of defensive. And Brett gets in a position where he's starting to have to control them and assuage him and things. And that's just who he is. And you may just be stuck with that. It may never be what you idealize, what you feel you need. You may have to go back to your sponsor and people in the program to get what you need from other people.

54:41 Christopher Titus And try to love who he is and who he isn't, man. You know, the bottom line is your parents gave you life. You kind of owe them that. You know, no matter what they do to you. They gave you life. I believe that. Adam let it go.

54:51 Adam Dad didn't pull out, so I guess I should kiss his ass a little more.

54:54 Christopher Titus I didn't say that. You just shouldn't be ripping into him if he's doing what he does.

54:57 Adam I think my dad had that same thing where he was overly connected with me, Drew. Yeah, I remember it very well. I was 18 and a half. Your stepmom wants you to move out of the house. He couldn't take it. I think his love was too strong. He felt he was clinging with too many hands. So I think he probably had a little nip of courage and came up to me and told me this stepmom wanted me out of the house.

55:20 Christopher Titus He's going to burst with joy for you. He had to get you out before he burst.

55:24 Adam Angela?

55:25 Yes.

55:25 Adam You're 19.

55:27 Caller Yes, I am.

55:27 Adam What's up?

55:28 Caller My boyfriend, he's very abusive towards me. It's not that I don't want to leave him, it's that I'm scared to leave him.

55:36 Drew What is it you think might happen?

55:38 Caller Well, he says that if I leave him, he's going to kill himself or he's making threats if I leave him.

55:44 Drew Of what?

55:45 Caller That he's going to kill himself or he's going to kill me, or he's going to hurt somebody or something.

55:52 Adam How old is he?

55:53 Caller He's 22.

55:54 Adam How long have you been with him?

55:56 Caller Four and a half months.

55:57 Adam How did you get hooked up with him?

55:59 Caller We've known each other for years.

56:01 Adam I see. How does he know you're thinking about getting out?

56:08 Caller Because I'm growing apart because we've been friends for a long time and things are changing between us.

56:14 Adam I see.

56:15 Caller I tell him things have got to change or else I'm going to leave. I can't take it anymore. I can't put up with it. If you leave me, he says, if you leave me, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that.

56:25 Adam What abusive things has he done to you?

56:28 Caller He hits me. He punches me. He's put a knife to my throat. He pulls my hair.

56:35 Drew Is this something where you abuse like this by your dad?

56:38 Caller Oh, no. My dad's a wonderful man.

56:41 Drew Your mom?

56:41 Caller No, uh-uh.

56:42 Adam Really? Wow. How did your antenna get bent so badly that you got hooked up with this guy?

56:47 Caller I don't know.

56:49 Adam You 50 pounds overweight?

56:51 Caller Nope.

56:51 Christopher Titus You feel sorry for him?

56:53 Caller No. He wasn't like this in the beginning.

56:56 Christopher Titus Four months? It's got to be a hint.

56:59 Caller No. He was really sweet.

57:01 Adam Believe me, four months is the beginning. Yeah.

57:05 Christopher Titus He's already killing you. Threatening to kill you or kill himself. It's pretty rough.

57:08 Adam All right. You guys living together?

57:11 Caller No.

57:12 Adam No. And is he living on his own?

57:14 Caller Yes.

57:14 Adam And are you on your own?

57:16 Caller I'm in the process of moving out.

57:18 Adam I see. Why are you moving out?

57:20 Caller I'm tired of living at home.

57:22 Adam I thought you loved your parents to death.

57:24 Caller I do, but I've lived with them for 19 years.

57:28 Drew Nobody's alcoholic.

57:29 Caller No, uh-uh.

57:30 Drew Nobody's aggressive with each other.

57:32 Caller Nope.

57:34 Adam Really? And what do your parents think of this?

57:36 Caller They don't know.

57:37 Adam I see. And are you able to confide in them?

57:42 Drew These perfect parents?

57:43 Caller About certain things I can, but certain things is better that I don't.

57:49 Adam Hold on a second. See, this is what I'm getting to. My parents are perfect. Everything's great. I'm moving out.

57:56 Drew Why?

57:56 Christopher Titus I gotta get the hell out because I can't talk to them. Wait a minute.

57:59 Drew Hold on.

57:59 Adam I can't handle them anymore. Nineteen years is enough. It's like, all right, well, can you talk to them about this boyfriend that's threatening your life?

58:07 Drew Certain things are better left.

58:09 Adam Yeah.

58:10 Christopher Titus There's some problems.

58:11 Caller Yeah.

58:12 Adam Yeah. That ain't... Hey, Angela? Seriously, what's up? I mean, I'm not saying your parents are abusing you or anything like that, but the relationship maybe isn't the way you portrayed it.

58:25 Caller Yeah.

58:26 Adam I mean, you have some issues with them, right?

58:28 Caller Yes, I do.

58:29 Adam What are they?

58:30 Caller Um, I don't like the way he is. He was a different person when we first started leaving.

58:36 Drew No, Angela, parents.

58:37 Adam Your dad.

58:39 Caller Oh, my God. Your mom.

58:40 Adam Yeah. Why can't you talk to them?

58:42 Christopher Titus There's certain events that have happened that make you want to move out. What are they?

58:46 Caller Because I'm the only child, and so they're very protective of me at some point over certain things.

58:52 Drew Did you have an eating disorder one time?

58:53 Caller No.

58:55 Adam And why can't you talk to them about this situation?

58:59 Caller Because I'm scared that they're going to do something.

59:02 Christopher Titus Maybe like protect you from this guy who wants to kill you? Those bastards.

59:05 Caller It's not necessarily that. It's the fact that my dad is very, very protective, and you have to know my dad.

59:13 Adam Does he have a temper?

59:15 Caller Yes, he does.

59:15 Drew They said he wasn't aggressive.

59:17 Caller Yeah, he's a good man. He's not aggressive, but he does have a temper.

59:20 Drew Well, what's the difference?

59:23 Caller I don't know.

59:24 Adam How have you seen his temper?

59:27 Caller Well, like, at work. He's a musician. He's blown up a couple times here at the house, but I mean, he doesn't hit anybody or any, you know.

59:40 Drew Does he threaten people?

59:42 Caller People that he works with.

59:45 Drew Angela, do you see that seeing an aggressive, violent person in your dad may be what triggers you to go look for that kind of person in a partner?

59:54 Caller I don't know.

59:55 Adam Well, we know, because that's the first question we ask, is why is this familiar? Why did you get hooked up with this guy? It's not like your dad's as bad as this guy, but your dad is a little bit explosive.

1:00:07 Drew It's not normal for there to be this sort of violence from a father in front of his daughter.

1:00:11 Adam What kind of musician is he?

1:00:13 Caller He's a drummer for a band.

1:00:14 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:00:15 Christopher Titus There you go.

1:00:16 Adam Yep, Buddy Rich. I knew it. You ever hear that guy chew out his bandmates?

1:00:21 Drew Jimmy Krupa.

1:00:23 Adam What kind of band?

1:00:25 Caller They play different kinds of music. Mostly like-

1:00:28 Adam Hold on a second. Different kinds?

1:00:30 Drew Mostly different kinds.

1:00:31 Adam I'm ready to take a guess. I'm ready to take a stab. I think I got narrowed down now between Iron Butterfly and Jules and the Baja Marimba Band. What kind of music?

1:00:44 Caller They play like Santana and stuff like that.

1:00:47 Adam I see.

1:00:47 Caller Yeah.

1:00:48 Adam I see. He makes a good living?

1:00:52 Caller Yes, he does.

1:00:53 Drew He doesn't do drugs or alcohol?

1:00:54 Caller No.

1:00:55 Adam Little booze, maybe?

1:00:56 Caller Yeah, he drinks a case of me.

1:00:57 Caller Oh my God. All right.

1:00:59 Christopher Titus No, yes.

1:00:59 Adam Wow.

1:00:59 Christopher Titus That's the layers of the onion peel away.

1:01:02 Adam If we had another 20 minutes, we get to the fact that he killed a hooker in front of her.

1:01:07 Christopher Titus He's burying the body in the backyard. One. He buried one body.

1:01:10 Adam All right. Listen, it's no wonder you got hooked up with this guy. You got some issues with Pops. Right now, here's what you need to do.

1:01:21 Caller Okay.

1:01:22 Adam You need to break up with this guy. I would stay at home until I was done breaking up with this guy.

1:01:28 Caller Okay.

1:01:28 Adam I would explain to him what a maniac my father is, and how he's basically got his gun loaded and is pacing by the front door. He also sharpened his drumsticks, and he's like a ninja with those things.

1:01:42 Drew And tell the dad.

1:01:43 Adam And if you hear one thing, you just tell this guy, if you hear one thing about anything, you're calling the cops immediately. You've got to lay down the law with this guy, right? Okay.

1:01:53 All right.

1:01:55 Drew Oh, people, it's so frustrating.

1:01:57 Christopher Titus But do you see that, does she see the connection, though? We're sitting here and people will actually just expound exactly why they're with this guy and about her father. And do people, I kind of want to stop and go, do you see the connection, the parallels? I didn't hear like-

1:02:08 Drew It's so obvious, no.

1:02:09 Christopher Titus But she didn't, no. You can be right in the middle of it and not see it. She needs that insight to see, oh my god, this is my father, except he touches me.

1:02:17 Drew But this is the point of the show, is to help people sort of step back and look at that and they make better choices, which is what, I mean, they're sort of automatically set into this pattern of behavior that if they don't see it, can't step back and be objective and then make choice.

1:02:32 Adam All right, let's talk to Brad. Brad is 17.

1:02:37 Caller Yeah, hello.

1:02:37 Adam What's up?

1:02:39 Caller I got a pregnant ex-girlfriend and she's going through those hormonal problems. She gave me the boob out three or four times. She's what?

1:02:48 Adam I think he said the boob, but I think he meant the boot.

1:02:50 Caller The boot, she gave me the kick. It's like back and forth, back and forth, off and on and I don't know what to do.

1:02:58 Adam How old is she?

1:02:59 Caller She's 18.

1:03:00 Adam How far along is she?

1:03:02 Caller She's about four months now, going on five. She's pregnant with twins.

1:03:07 Drew Women, particularly with multiple parents, women can feel very vulnerable, helpless, and unpredictable. Well, no, in need.

1:03:18 Adam This is your ultimate nightmare. You got a 17-year-old named Brad, his daddy to your twins and who has no tools to deal with this whatsoever, who's actually pissed off at you because you're going through your hormonal swing. You know, I mean, this is why 17-year-olds make bad parents, right? Are you planning on staying with this girl, Brad?

1:03:44 Caller Well, I don't know. She told me herself she doesn't love me at all. I mean, it was just, I don't know, it was just a thing, I guess.

1:03:51 Adam Is she going to, does she want to give the kids up for adoption?

1:03:55 Caller No, she's having them. No one's taking them away from her. Why? It's for good, you know. Why? They're hers. Yeah.

1:04:01 Christopher Titus See, Brad, it sounds like the test, you're in the test area right now. She's kicking you and giving you the quote, boot is a test thing. You got to hang around, you got to love her. She's going through a lot of changes right now, man. You got to hang.

1:04:10 Caller See, I'm like the whole thing here.

1:04:12 Christopher Titus Sounds like it.

1:04:13 Caller I try and hang in there and it's like you get nothing. It's nothing. It's like, you know, give up. You know, I don't want you. And so mainly she, I'm like the piggy bank now. She's wondering if I have the money, if I'm going to get the money, if I'm going to support the kids and everything.

1:04:28 Adam Well, what are you doing for money at 17?

1:04:31 Caller Well, I just moved to Sacramento, so I was looking for a job. I got an interview Wednesday. I'm going to be doing a night shift, making 10, 14 bucks an hour.

1:04:39 Drew Twins.

1:04:41 Oh, man.

1:04:42 Caller Yeah, I'm still in school, too. Got another year.

1:04:45 Adam All right. Hey, Brad, you got to pull out next time, buddy.

1:04:49 Caller Yeah.

1:04:50 Adam You just, I mean, I mean, it's amazing. It's amazing what, you know, the thing that's interesting about life, how, and I know this sounds horribly cliche, but we've all had unprotected sex. We've all driven without our seat belts on, you know, we've all been in situations that, you know, could potentially have changed our life in a heartbeat and didn't. Thankfully, most of us.

1:05:21 Christopher Titus Right.

1:05:21 Adam But could have easily happened to any of us when we were 17 and with some chick and stupid and with a few beers in us or whatever.

1:05:27 Christopher Titus ACDC blaring in the background.

1:05:28 Adam Could have been dead, could have bought it in a car accident a thousand times at 16, 17, racing some guy in the back seat of a two-seater sitting in the well going down Mulholland Drive.

1:05:40 Drew Falling into a bonfire or something.

1:05:41 Christopher Titus Falling into a bonfire when I was 17 years old. Hell yes, at the beach party.

1:05:44 Adam Yeah, I mean, just, just what? I heard that tonight on the show. The point is, is thank god it doesn't happen to most of us. But I mean, this guy is banging around with some chick he's half interested in. Probably has a few beers under his belt. Doesn't put the condom on. Pow, he has twins now. He won't be 18 before these twins are going to come out. He's going to be 17 and three quarters. And talk about a profound life change. I mean, think about where you're at at 17. I still thought I was going to be an astronaut when I was 17. Possibly, and I'd just let go of the pirate dream. I thought I was going to be a pirate for a while. Then somebody pulled me aside and told me it wasn't an actual gig. I thought it was a gig, you know. I didn't know what they made now. I don't know if there's a union, but I can't imagine having twins. And then imagine this guy, when he gets to be our age, he's going to have a couple of 19-year-olds, or 17-year-olds, or whatever.

1:06:41 Christopher Titus Or 17-year-olds with twins. But then, you know, he's going to have some insight to that little situation.

1:06:47 Adam Now you're getting the show, Christopher. All right, well, what are you going to do? Get that $14 an hour gig, and you just, hey, when you're pregnant with twins, mama's queen, whatever she says.

1:06:58 Drew That's right.

1:06:58 Adam And if she wants ice cream, you get her ice cream. Oh, here's what I'd like to hear. Oh, I can talk to you, Christopher. I want more, there's certain things I think are missing from television.

1:07:09 Drew Pickles and ice cream.

1:07:10 Adam Pickles and ice cream jokes.

1:07:12 Drew Yes.

1:07:12 Adam I was talking the other night about Quicksand, not seeing any of that.

1:07:15 Christopher Titus No, not in a while.

1:07:16 Adam Talking about the-

1:07:17 Christopher Titus Not since Land of the Lost, and the Sigmund, both of the Sigmund things.

1:07:21 Adam Yeah, and the-

1:07:22 Christopher Titus Sid and Marty Croft.

1:07:23 Adam And the Sea Monster. Yeah, that was it.

1:07:25 Christopher Titus Every episode had the Quicksand app thing.

1:07:28 Adam How high were Sid and Marty Croft when they were putting out all that Lidsville and the Hoodoo Guru and-

1:07:34 Drew HR Puff and stuff.

1:07:35 Christopher Titus HR Puff and stuff.

1:07:36 Adam Those guys must have been just flying on mushrooms. It's sort of a combination of mushrooms, weed, probably a little hash, some speed and some acid to come up with that garbage. Because it is bizarre. When you look at it now as an adult, it just looks like a Jimi Hendrix record cover. I mean, it's just a mess.

1:07:57 Drew How about the guys that bought it, distributed it?

1:07:59 Adam They must have just been doing much. It's like they must have moved a pile of coke to one side of the table so they could look at the Bible on the thing. All right. Are we going to take a break?

1:08:11 Drew Sure.

1:08:12 Adam Take one more?

1:08:12 Christopher Titus Yeah. We're going to leave the guy hanging. We're done. We're done with the kids. Haven't you heard of the twins?

1:08:15 Adam Nothing we can do about it.

1:08:17 Christopher Titus Nice.

1:08:17 Adam Well, listen, you got to do whatever you got to do for her. She's pregnant with twins.

1:08:21 Christopher Titus You got to take responsibility, man. Do what you got to do.

1:08:23 Adam All right. We'll talk to James when we come back. He's a 15-girlfriend. I bit him during Earl Sex. Now he has bruises. Will it be okay? We'll tell him after this.

1:08:35 Caller Yo, Loveline will be right back, homie.

1:09:15 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew over there, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, and Christopher Titus is our guest tonight. He is from Titus. Monday Nights, 8.30 on Fox. Story about, well, let's say sitcom, mainly about, well, not mainly, solely about your life.

1:09:37 Christopher Titus My screwed up life.

1:09:38 Adam How much of that is true?

1:09:40 Christopher Titus Mom in and out of mental institutions when I was a little kid, you know, I'd actually go, like, visit her, which is pretty fun. She had crayons, I had crayons. It was a lot of fun.

1:09:49 Adam Do you, but do you feel like that's where you got your sense of humor?

1:09:54 Christopher Titus I think dad, you know, dad, when dad's going through getting married, like every, you know, three, three, four months or three years, he's getting married or a new woman's moving in, he was just always really like, just keep it funny. And around a little kid, he was a single father. He went to court for it. He kidnapped me from Detroit. The man flew out, my mom was actually, my dad was selling child support to my mom. And my mom was actually going, you know, the checks going back cashed by the Green Guinea, you know, Tavern. What the hell is this? So what happened was my dad goes, where's my kid? And mom says, you're never going to see that kid again. Well, she had sent me to live with my great-grandparents and basically told him, you know, Ken's not sending any child support, but dad would never miss a child support payment. So he found out that I was in Detroit and got on a plane like instantly went to go get me. And he's on this plane next to, he's telling this guy, he's like, yeah, mom, I'm going to go kidnap my kid, man.

1:10:36 Caller He's a bitch, blah, blah, blah.

1:10:37 Christopher Titus And the guy goes, well, that's an interesting story. He goes, I'm the Detroit Metro District Attorney. And my dad just, you know, soiled himself right there in the airplane seat. And then the guy was going through a bit of divorce and he goes, here's how you take the kid. Oh my God. And he basically laid it out for my dad how to extradite me from Detroit and they couldn't bring me back. And so he did it, man. He did it.

1:10:56 Adam And as effed up as your dad may have been, that is a kind of, that's a love right there.

1:11:03 Christopher Titus Right there, man.

1:11:04 Adam I mean, you may have dumped a milkshake on your brother.

1:11:07 Christopher Titus Shot him with BB guns.

1:11:08 Adam Shot you with a BB gun. And maybe he just brought you back so he could torture you. But I mean, that is the kind of thing, I don't know, Drew, would your dad have done that? You know what a ticket to Detroit cost?

1:11:19 Christopher Titus Exactly, especially in those days.

1:11:20 Adam Drew's dad is so cheap. Yeah, if Drew told the story, he'd be like, my dad took a bus to Detroit.

1:11:27 Christopher Titus It took forever. He went on the cannonball run with Brock Yates.

1:11:31 Adam He hitchhiked. Jesus Christ. I saw that cannonball whatever part, number five. Yeah, the other night, just watching a drunken Dean Martin kind of stumble his way through what it's like when you get older and you start realizing the story behind some of these guys and where they were at that particular point in their life and you figure Dean Martin, cannonball five, he's 63 years old, he's been drinking hard, and he's on divorce number whatever, whatever, whatever, and then you just watch him look at his eyes while he's doing his life. He's wearing a father's, he's wearing a priest's froth. Oh, this is the one with Sammy Davis Jr. Right, and I'm watching him and I'm watching Sammy and I'm watching him doing the things that I'm thinking to myself, what's going through their head right now? Because it ain't this script.

1:12:15 Christopher Titus We're getting a lot of money.

1:12:17 Adam We're getting a bunch of money, we're both loaded, we didn't have to memorize our lines, we're just kind of making it up.

1:12:22 Christopher Titus Or I hate Burt Reynolds for getting me into this crap.

1:12:25 Adam I'm sorry. We need some sort of, pardon the pun, vehicle for big celebrities who are well past their prime, which I don't think we have today, a series of movies. You know what I mean? Where we could take who would be the equivalent of Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr. and Burt Reynolds, and guys of that ilk 15 years ago for today though. Who are today's, you know, Sammy's? Who are these guys from today?

1:12:53 Christopher Titus We get Hasselhoff, we get...

1:12:56 Adam Hasselhoff's like a little too young.

1:12:57 Christopher Titus John Ritter.

1:12:58 Adam He's not drinking enough. Ritter's not boozing enough either. And we're not big enough stars.

1:13:04 Christopher Titus Charlie Sheen.

1:13:05 Adam There were sitcoms.

1:13:06 Christopher Titus Instantly. Charlie Sheen's in.

1:13:07 Adam Yeah, but sitcom, see, Sheen needs another ten bad years, and then he can resurrect his career with these things.

1:13:15 Christopher Titus We did a photo shoot with Charlie Sheen on his, he has a hanger full of cars. We did for the magazine I write for.

1:13:20 Adam You write for Hot Rod?

1:13:22 Christopher Titus Yeah, I know, good guys ride in custom. They do some fence and stuff. And I write, I run a humor column for him. And we did a thing, and man, this was like two weeks before his dad turned him in. And you know, Charlie, if you have to listen, he looked like a vampire. He showed up to this, all these Hot Rod guys were all wearing Hot Rod T-shirts, and he showed up in blue satin pajamas and a fedora. And I felt bad for the cat because you can just tell he was just, he was just, he was really thin. And just, I mean, it was, it was cool. He was the nicest guy and funny. I go, you know, we're going to do the cover of the magazine. We like to kind of make fun of you, all your tabloid exploits. And he looks at me and he goes, what tabloid exploits? And all of a sudden, just the icy fear in my stomach that his big bodyguard's going to kill me now for bringing it up. And he burst out laughing. So he really had a great sense of humor, a good guy through all the drugs and whatever. He's really like a decent cat.

1:14:04 Adam They have a lot of nice cars.

1:14:06 Christopher Titus Oh man, some stuff he didn't even know. He's got a...

1:14:08 Adam That's what I want.

1:14:09 Christopher Titus You know what I mean? He's got stuff that he didn't, like there's this, there's this 67 Shelby Mustang. That's actually one of the first 150 built that Carroll Shelby signed in the trunk.

1:14:17 Adam 427?

1:14:17 Christopher Titus And I had to talk him through it. Look at this car.

1:14:20 Adam You mean the big block?

1:14:22 Christopher Titus With the Mustang. It was when they had the small block.

1:14:24 Adam Oh Mustang. I was thinking of Cobra when he said Shelby. All right. I didn't... I'm back on the same page. Chris? Yes. You're 23. What's up?

1:14:34 Caller Oh, I just want to start out by praising you guys. I just want to say all three of you are incredibly intelligent and funny.

1:14:41 Adam Thanks.

1:14:42 Caller You're doing a great service here. Thank you very much.

1:14:45 Adam What's up? Thank you.

1:14:47 Caller Sure. Basically, my problem is I have an incredibly bad temper and occasionally it leads to associating violent tendencies like I want to commit things to myself or I want to hurt other people basically.

1:15:03 Adam Who were we going to talk to here, Drew? Weren't we going to talk to somebody else? That was it? Really? I'm high.

1:15:12 Christopher Titus Adam's just trying to set you off to see if we can get it on the air.

1:15:16 Adam What have you done? What's the worst you've done to yourself and someone else?

1:15:20 Caller Well, I've never actually, thank God I haven't hurt anybody else as of yet. I have more than a few scars on myself that I've cut.

1:15:31 Adam Have you ever talked to a psychiatrist?

1:15:35 Caller No, I've contemplated it, but I've never had the financial resources in order to do so.

1:15:40 Adam Yeah, but these days you can talk to people. Don't they have anger management and violent classes and all that kind of stuff, don't they?

1:15:49 Drew Anger management is one way to go, but it sounds like he manages his anger for the most part, right?

1:15:54 Adam Well, he manages it by cutting on himself or taking it out on himself, right?

1:15:58 Caller I feel like I've been better in control of it, yeah. I've done that before in order to keep myself from getting too incredibly angry. Lately, I've been basically writing in the journal. I feel these feelings coming on and I disassociate myself with any other people around too.

1:16:14 Adam Were you abused?

1:16:17 Caller Yeah. A lot of emotional abuse. I witnessed and experienced a lot of physical abuse as a child.

1:16:26 Drew Well, there it is. There's theories that certain parts of the brain actually get burned out in the course of those traumas. They just don't exist anymore. The parts of the brain that usually would contain aggression is like the button has been pushed too many times. It just no longer there. So aggression just now breaks through.

1:16:42 Adam Well, let's give the guy something to look forward to, Drew.

1:16:44 Drew Well, if it's that kind of thing other than behavioral management, which you're trying in psychotherapy, which you don't think you can afford.

1:16:52 Adam Well, the behavioral management is just him writing in his journal.

1:16:56 Drew That's a way.

1:16:56 Adam Well, I know, but he's not seeking any professional help for it.

1:17:00 Drew Medications, when I was getting to, is the other thing that helps to pull it on some of these things.

1:17:04 Caller I'm not a big believer in medication as it is. I believe in more of the power of the mind to, all right, well good, then knock it off.

1:17:13 Christopher Titus Right. Put this stuff behind you, that the abuse part, and put it behind you. My niece, Amy, moved in with us. She's 16, she moved in with us, and she came goth kid, man. She was just death kid. And she moved in with us, and we started talking to her. It's amazing how much, just a little bit of support will help a kid. And she just blossomed. And we found out about six months since she'd been molested by one of her dad's friends. And we talked about it and talked about it. And basically she decided to make a choice and put it behind her. And now when it comes up and see you, because you really can't, the stuff of your life, you keep putting your past in front of you all the time. Now she recognizes it and notice that that's why she's reacting to whatever she's reacting to when she stops.

1:17:56 Adam Is she not goth anymore?

1:17:58 Christopher Titus She's not goth anymore, man. Good. She's a full out skate kid. We got a half pipe in the backyard that I built.

1:18:04 Adam Did you really?

1:18:04 Christopher Titus Oh, yeah. Yeah, 16 by 32, baby.

1:18:07 Adam Wow. It's a good size half pipe.

1:18:10 Christopher Titus That's right.

1:18:11 Adam And what do you build that out of? Half inch ply?

1:18:14 Christopher Titus Well, it depends.

1:18:14 Adam You got to bend it, right?

1:18:16 Christopher Titus Yeah, you got to bend it. You half inch, three layers of half inch.

1:18:18 Adam Oh, you just go one layer at a time and that's how you get that radius in there?

1:18:22 Christopher Titus Right. Well, you have to cut the radius. What are we talking about? Let's just move on.

1:18:27 Adam Well, you got to cut the radius when you're framing the thing. But I'm actually talking about putting the ply down for the surface.

1:18:34 Christopher Titus Yeah, you just go half inch.

1:18:36 Adam Boring.

1:18:37 Christopher Titus Yeah, let's move on. I'm actually scared of myself at this point.

1:18:39 Adam Drew, you know what helps with radius? Oh, God. No, thanks. You got half inch stock.

1:18:44 Christopher Titus Oh, I'm the guest.

1:18:45 Adam Take your blade on your circular saw and score the back. You know what I mean? Not full depth. Oh, for Anderson, I'll throw this goddamn mic through that effing window. What did he do? Shut my mic off.

1:18:55 Christopher Titus You lose a lot of strength, Adam, when you score it.

1:18:57 Adam I know, but you got to bend it and you're going triple. So what do you care? Peter?

1:19:02 Caller Yes, sir.

1:19:03 Adam You're 24.

1:19:04 Caller Yes.

1:19:05 Adam What is that?

1:19:06 Caller All right.

1:19:06 I was having sex with my girlfriend last night.

1:19:09 Adam Probably using the CDX good one side. All right. Yeah.

1:19:12 Caller All right.

1:19:12 And all right. We were just having sex. You know, we have a lot of sex, you know, pretty much every day. And I just got like this, like probably 20 minutes into it or whatever, 15 minutes. I got this sharp, sharp pain in my growing and like right above my penis to my stomach. And it felt like, I mean, I never had a hernia before, but it felt like I've heard about them. And it felt pretty as intense as that. And that's what I thought happened. But like my testicles didn't swell up. And I just have a little bit of pain in my stomach right there.

1:19:44 Drew Where did you get the idea that hernia is hurt?

1:19:46 That hernia is hurt. I know a lot of people that have had them.

1:19:49 Drew And they hurt?

1:19:50 So you don't feel hernia is basically what you're saying when you have them.

1:19:53 Drew Not unless they incarcerate.

1:19:55 Caller Really?

1:19:56 Adam Yeah, I have a hernia and I can feel it sometimes.

1:20:00 Drew But when it gets stuck?

1:20:01 Adam Yeah.

1:20:02 Drew Yeah. That's why it's incarcerated a little bit.

1:20:03 So what could that have been, Dr. Drew?

1:20:06 Drew I don't know, frankly. It could be...

1:20:08 Oh, you're going to worry me out and tell me something real serious, right?

1:20:11 Drew Well, no. I don't think it sounds like something serious. But sometimes it's a muscular spasm in that area. Sometimes inflammation.

1:20:17 Like maybe I pulled a muscle or something?

1:20:19 Drew No.

1:20:20 Christopher Titus 20 minutes. Yeah.

1:20:22 Drew And you had pain into the test tube and then up into the abdomen?

1:20:25 Excuse me?

1:20:26 Drew You had pain down into the test tube and then up into the abdomen?

1:20:28 I don't know. Well, I just thought like my first reaction is when I felt anything was that like, you know, it was my testicle.

1:20:34 Drew Yeah. I wonder if you might.

1:20:35 If you get a little crazy, like they can pull, as you have an orgasm, they can pull up into your stomach.

1:20:40 Drew Right.

1:20:40 Correct?

1:20:41 Drew Right.

1:20:41 So that and that's what I've always been worried about what might happen. So when this was happening, I kind of checked that first. And they were, you know, both there.

1:20:48 Drew It might have been a little torsion. Sometimes they twist on themselves and the blood supply gets cut off a little bit.

1:20:52 Adam And plus, if you get it cranked up, those things are like fuzzy dice on a convertible, you know, hanging from the rear view when you're going like 80 and they're all over the place. I mean, if you really get it cranked up, they can go all over the place.

1:21:09 Drew Sometimes the lymphatics congest in there and don't break down properly.

1:21:13 Adam Yeah. And here's, you know, we haven't talked about this in a while, but stones in the bladder, stones in the prostate. No. Here's what I'm thinking. When you're having sex, you do things that you normally would have stopped a long time ago because it would have been too painful. Like any even women who sometimes have a lower threshold for pain. I remember it dawned on me 10 years ago. I was talking to a girl named, her name is Vanessa. I won't say her last name, but I swear to God both her knees were down to the knee cap basically. It looked like she'd fallen off a skateboard that had been dragged behind a car. She's usually a pussy. I said, Jesus, Vanessa, what happened to your knees? She's like, great sex. I was thinking, what? Yeah, I was down in a doggy position. I was down on a carpet. I just rubbed both the skin off my knees. I thought, if you had been doing anything else other than getting nailed, you would have stopped, keeled over, and screamed in agony a long time before it got down to the actual cap part. You know what I mean? If you were exercising, if you were cleaning, if you were down on your knees doing something else and the skin started coming off, it immediately would have stopped. But when you're getting it on, it's like there's some adrenaline surge and there's some sort of novocaine that's released into your system and you don't feel things you normally would have felt and therefore you don't stop. And then the injuries come in. That's why I limit myself to a minute and a half, two minutes tops. I got to take care of myself. But I think this may have happened to this guy. Maybe this guy was banging away vigorously and just sort of pulled something. All right. Shane?

1:22:51 Drew Sleeping?

1:22:52 Adam I think he's only been on home for nine minutes. He can't be asleep.

1:22:55 Christopher Titus Well, he's sleeping. Nice tirade, Adam.

1:22:56 Adam Thank you. Caller, who goes by the name of Shane. Oh, hey. There you are. There you go.

1:23:01 Caller I'm sorry, guys.

1:23:02 Adam That's all right. What's up?

1:23:05 Caller Just probably a week ago, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and she was actually mid-menstruation. And she was bleeding while we were having sex. And I got it afterwards. I looked, it was probably up to my chest and down to like my knee area. And yikes.

1:23:23 Adam Let me close my eyes. Good. You added 20 minutes to the session tonight. Thank you. Okay. So you're covered with blood.

1:23:32 Caller Anyway, in the morning and stuff, I just fell asleep afterwards. And I've got a rash. And I was just, I mean, it's just a rash, but I mean, should I see a doctor?

1:23:43 Adam I mean, so you fell asleep with that sort of, it was like some animal was ritualistically slaughtered on your belly and you just fell asleep.

1:23:53 Christopher Titus Yeah. What sec of the Buhufu tribe are you in, man?

1:23:56 Adam And why didn't you wash yourself off?

1:23:59 Caller I probably should have, but I was tired.

1:24:00 Drew I was back to that same theory that you've just said.

1:24:03 Adam Yeah. You're going. You don't care.

1:24:05 Drew And then he's after it, he's exhausted.

1:24:07 Caller You've never masturbated and then just fell asleep in it.

1:24:11 Adam No, I haven't done that. I don't do that.

1:24:14 Caller Okay. Yeah, me neither.

1:24:17 Adam Well, I don't. I have trouble sleeping. And I don't want to wake up with the, you know, comforter spot welded to me. I don't want to have to go into the shower with the comforter to get it off.

1:24:27 Christopher Titus What if there's a fire and you got to come out of bed? You're going to rip part of your skin off.

1:24:30 Adam That's right. You put your tongue on a frozen pole.

1:24:33 Christopher Titus Exactly.

1:24:34 Caller Well, you make a good point.

1:24:35 Caller But anyway, Dr. Drew.

1:24:37 Adam But anyway, shut the F up.

1:24:39 Drew It's probably just some sort of irritation. There's nothing infectious that you're typically going to get that way that would cause rash.

1:24:43 Caller I shouldn't get a certain type of creamer.

1:24:45 Drew I would just give it a few days and see if it doesn't just clear up on its own.

1:24:48 Adam Well, what would blood give you on a sort of topical level?

1:24:52 Drew Just some sort of irritation more than anything specific.

1:24:56 Adam Hepatitis isn't considered a venereal disease, is it?

1:24:59 Drew Yes, it is.

1:25:00 Adam It is. I had that conversation with somebody and I said it wasn't. I didn't know. Now, what is a venereal? How do you classify something as a venereal disease then?

1:25:11 Drew If it's transmitted by sexual intercourse, sexual contact.

1:25:14 Adam Right. So there are certain diseases that you don't necessarily think of as sexual diseases that are technically venereal diseases because you can-

1:25:26 Drew Transmit them sexually.

1:25:27 Adam But then wouldn't a cold or flu be a venereal disease? Because if you kiss somebody-

1:25:33 Drew People talk about pregnancy being a sexually transmitted disease.

1:25:36 Adam Okay. But I don't know what point you're making but it's a lame one. What I'm saying is, is a cold of a venereal disease?

1:25:43 Drew It actually-

1:25:44 Adam Aha. Thank you.

1:25:46 Thank you very much.

1:25:48 Drew It would be what we call the classical sexually transmitted disease because it's transmitted so many other ways.

1:25:52 Adam Right. But what about hepatitis? Is that a classical one?

1:25:56 Drew No.

1:25:57 Adam Okay.

1:25:57 Drew Thanks very much. But is a serious-

1:26:00 Adam Tuberculosis could be translated that way? That's not a venereal disease. It's not because of sexual transmission. Oh, you go back and read a book. You don't know anything. Sally?

1:26:08 Drew No, it's not because of sexual transmission.

1:26:09 Adam I'm right as usual.

1:26:10 Drew Which is what?

1:26:11 Adam Which is you can get many different diseases that aren't technically venereal diseases through-

1:26:17 Drew By intimate contact but not primarily through sexual contact.

1:26:22 Christopher Titus But so basically, Adam, any communicable disease with somebody can be passed, it would be a venereal disease.

1:26:28 Drew Well, it would be sexually transmissible.

1:26:30 Christopher Titus There you go.

1:26:31 Drew But not its primary mode of transmission is not sexual contact. Well, hepatitis B and C, a primary mode is sexual contact.

1:26:40 Christopher Titus So you are right, Adam.

1:26:41 Adam Sort of. Sally, I don't feel very right.

1:26:43 Drew It's like HIV. HIV is other ways than sexual contact.

1:26:47 Adam Right.

1:26:48 Drew But it's primarily sexual contact.

1:26:50 Adam I didn't even know if that was a venereal disease.

1:26:52 Drew Venereal is not a term that's really used anymore. It's sexually transmissible.

1:26:56 Adam Thank you. Sally?

1:26:57 Yes.

1:26:58 Adam You're 30. What's up?

1:26:59 Caller Well, I have a question. I have a boyfriend that would like for me to form anal sex with him, strap on a dildo. He's a straight guy.

1:27:11 Adam Right.

1:27:12 Caller I wanted, is this common for men to want to have their prostate to be pleasured at 40 years old?

1:27:21 Adam Your prostate should be sore at 40. Hold on a second there, Sally. We're going to take a break. Hold on, show hands. Who's had their prostate stimulated via a strap on dildo in this room? Everyone's hand went up.

1:27:35 Christopher Titus If you're going to get specific.

1:27:38 Adam Hold on there, Sally. We'll get to this. Shoot me in the ass and then bang me in the ass. Oh, please. Since everything I say comes back to haunt me. All right, we'll take a little break. We're Christopher Tynes, our guest tonight. When we come back, we'll get to the Strap-On situation after this. Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. I'm Dr. Drew over there. Christopher Titus is our guest of night from Titus.

1:28:35 Christopher Titus Crank it up to funny. 15 minutes left. Now I'm gonna go home stretch, baby.

1:28:39 Adam Jesus, you scared me.

1:28:40 Caller You woke up, Adam.

1:28:41 Adam Drew and I started entering rim, usually, about this point of the show. We start winding it down. That's why Drew is asleep. Now, Drew, and don't lie, are you asleep by 12.35 at night? 12.38. And you live a good 25, 22 minutes from here. And the point is, you're in your car after midnight, so you're not home before 12.25.

1:29:12 Drew 12.25.

1:29:13 Adam And then you're asleep at 12.38. Now, here's what I want to say to you, and I know you gotta get up early in the morning, and this is all your schedule and all that kind of stuff, but don't you need that time, you know, that u-time? I mean, the most precious part of the day for me is when I come home from this thing after a hectic day, and I sit down and I just slip my hand down my pants, and I turn on the TV and chips is on, and I pour myself a beer, and I just sit there for like an hour doing nothing.

1:29:46 Drew I would be unconscious.

1:29:47 Christopher Titus That's a bad picture. Larry Wilcox on the TV and you with your hand in your pants. That's just a weird picture. You scared me.

1:29:53 Adam I don't start moving the hand until Grossman comes on.

1:29:58 Christopher Titus Who was the guy that worked on the bikes, the weird really twinkie guy?

1:30:01 Adam Yeah. The 70s had it down for TV shows because whether it was, you know, Magnum PI had Binser, who was, no sorry, not Magnum PI., Vegas had Binser, which was Dan Tanna's like sidekick. And on Chips, they had Grossman, who was kind of the slob Jew guy who was on there. And it was like, here was the strategy. It was, here's what we need to make our two stars look better, is a really out of shape Jew in ill fitting clothing to stand next to them.

1:30:37 Christopher Titus Slightly balding and sweating a lot.

1:30:39 Adam Right.

1:30:39 Christopher Titus Yeah. Punch looks so hot now.

1:30:41 Adam If you look at that, if you watch Chips, you'll see that Punch's shirt was like tailored. It was like sucked in in the back. It was starched. It was pressed. It was pulled. I mean, it was like body contouring. And then Grossman comes pulling in. He's like wearing a beige poncho and his guts hanging out all over the place.

1:30:57 Christopher Titus But then maybe he had a serious episode. He had a special episode of Chips where he actually had a family or something. And then they had to get that other guy that worked on the bike so they'd punch like a wipe a booger on him every episode. It was horrible. That one little...

1:31:08 Adam Yeah, the guy's like 4'9. And has a curling hair.

1:31:11 Christopher Titus He punched him like, knock it off, you guys. He said that a lot, knock it off, you guys.

1:31:17 Adam He never wanted a monkey in the bike.

1:31:19 Caller Yeah.

1:31:19 Caller Oh, it was great.

1:31:21 Adam Sally?

1:31:22 Caller Yeah.

1:31:23 Adam Yeah, you're 30 and your boyfriend wants you to put the strap on, huh?

1:31:28 Caller Yes.

1:31:28 Adam He wants you to don the dong, as my dad used to say. He's never, you've never done this with him?

1:31:38 Caller No, I haven't.

1:31:38 Adam Has he asked you to do things with your hands before this?

1:31:42 Caller Yeah. Yes.

1:31:43 Adam Have you done that?

1:31:45 Caller With my hands, yeah, but I won't do the, my mouth.

1:31:49 Adam You won't do the strap on?

1:31:51 Drew Mouth. What about your mouth?

1:31:53 Adam Where's the mouth come in here?

1:31:55 Caller Well, don't some people use their lips to stimulate a little bit?

1:32:02 Adam You understand it's not a clown nose. I mean, you strap it on to your groin, right? You're talking about a rim job.

1:32:10 Caller Yes. I was talking about his, yes.

1:32:13 Drew He's preoccupied.

1:32:14 Adam Man. Hold on. Sally, he wants you to get down there with your tongue, right?

1:32:19 Caller Yeah.

1:32:19 Adam Right.

1:32:20 Caller I want, but I can't. That's just too much.

1:32:23 Adam Right. He wants the strap on too.

1:32:25 Caller Sure. Yes.

1:32:26 Adam All right. You don't want to do that either, right?

1:32:29 Caller Well, I don't have a problem doing it, honestly, but I just have a concern on where he's coming at. And why is it that he would need this additional part to fulfill himself? I think that it's different.

1:32:44 Adam Yeah. I know. He's giving you the creeps. As best he should.

1:32:47 Christopher Titus Yeah.

1:32:48 Adam Here's a safety tip. Before you come at him from the rear end, flip his skirt up so it doesn't get caught up in his, wrapped up, okay?

1:32:54 Christopher Titus I can't even imagine where you have this conversation.

1:32:57 Adam I'm trying to make one.

1:32:59 Christopher Titus How do you bring this up?

1:33:01 Adam I don't know, but Sally, things don't exist in a vacuum. They really don't. It's easy to sit around and go, hey, this guy works. He pays his taxes. He's a loving father, whatever, boyfriend, husband. He just happens to like this, but I don't trust that at all.

1:33:17 Drew He has some stuck. Is he a really obsessive guy, a really messy guy?

1:33:21 Caller No.

1:33:22 Drew Really super clean?

1:33:23 Caller Really clean, very organized.

1:33:25 Drew Super clean, yeah.

1:33:26 Adam Funny they call that anal.

1:33:27 Drew Yeah.

1:33:28 Caller He's been single for a long time. He's 40 years old.

1:33:31 Drew Yeah.

1:33:32 Christopher Titus Well, this conversation, maybe he was getting it out a little too early at times.

1:33:36 Adam Yeah. How long have you been going out with him?

1:33:40 Caller It's only been a few months.

1:33:41 Adam I see. Yeah.

1:33:43 Caller It's very new and it's something that I think is a very intimate thing, if that's something I'm willing to do at such an early stage and it's bizarre. My therapist is not specializing in sexual behavior.

1:33:59 Adam Do you get into this with the therapist?

1:34:02 Caller I asked her about it, yeah.

1:34:03 Adam You should then tip her. I know that may be something you don't normally do, but when a guy really does a great job detailing a car, simply slipping a 20, could you just, when you bring up the strap on with the therapist, that has to be the worst goddamn 50 minutes of her life. Just drop her 20.

1:34:19 Christopher Titus We've gone into double time, I think at that point. Yikes.

1:34:22 Adam You're in golden or brown time. I don't know what color it is, but Sally?

1:34:27 Caller So I thought I'd ask the doctor since he specializes in behavioral, sexual behavior.

1:34:31 Adam Has he given you the creeps, Drew? Does this guy kind of give you the creeps?

1:34:36 Drew Not necessarily. As you said, it's not something that exists in a vacuum, but it's part of his personality, maybe a stuck point in his development, and it may not mean anything in the global sense, but it means something.

1:34:47 Adam But here's the point. You wouldn't want this guy watching your kids, would you?

1:34:53 Drew Not if I could help it.

1:34:54 Adam No. I think her spidey sense should be tingling on this one.

1:35:00 Christopher Titus If your instinct creeps you out, it creeps me out here in a little bit, and whatever, hey, good luck to you. But I got to say-

1:35:07 Adam Enjoy.

1:35:08 Drew Christopher said choose something different.

1:35:09 Christopher Titus Yeah. Years of growing and being cavemen and in the primal thing, and when that little thing clicks and goes creep me out, I listen to it.

1:35:16 Adam Yeah. I think we all should. Talk to your therapist and just talk to him. Hey, why don't you say, hey, I like you, but I got to admit, this is kind of creep me out, and why don't you tell me and explain to me why I shouldn't be creeped out? There you go.

1:35:29 Christopher Titus Just give me a valid reason for using the strap on, and I'll help you out. I'm there. I'm all about backing you up.

1:35:34 Adam We'll be back.

1:35:41 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:36:14 Adam All right, well, that is it. Another fine episode of Loveline In the Ground. I want to thank Christopher Titus for coming in, and tell everybody who's listening, and those of you who aren't, you can tell people who didn't hear the show tonight, they should definitely watch Titus. Monday night's at 8.30. It is Loveline approved, and Christopher, it was nice meeting you.

1:36:34 Christopher Titus Thanks. Next Monday is a fellatio incident. You will watch next Monday.

1:36:38 Adam All right. 8.30, everyone, on Fabulous Fox. And again, thanks for coming in.

1:36:43 Christopher Titus What a blast. Thanks, guys.

1:36:44 Adam So, until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. The gerbil I put in my ass is acting strangely. Well, now.

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Monday, May 15, 2000