Episode 1000754887156

8:31 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

8:43 Face to Face Hey, it is Loveline.

8:44 Drew I'm Adam Corolla. This is Dr. Drew with the Airphone Number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1, facts number 3108-54-4455. Dr. Drew is a board-certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Tonight, our guest, we have Trevor and Scott both here from Face to Face. Drew remembers the guys well from their appearance here.

9:06 Adam Two years and 12 months ago? Two years and two and a half weeks ago?

9:08 Drew Yeah. Two years. I think it was 13 days and 22 hours ago. Face to Face was here last. Reactionary is the name of the CD. And they will be, by the way, the House of Blues. That's coming up 24th, 25th, 26th. What is that? Saturday, Sunday, Friday?

9:29 Face to Face Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

9:31 Drew Yeah. Those are my days. Those are my lucky, lucky days. Hi guys. Good to see you back. Hello.

9:37 Face to Face How's it going?

9:38 Drew Good. What's been up?

9:41 Face to Face Lots of stuff.

9:42 Face to Face Yeah. Recording records, playing shows, you know, the usual, usual band stuff. Yeah.

9:48 Drew And it's been going pretty good.

9:49 Face to Face It's been going great.

9:50 Drew I think, I think you used the Loveline as a little bit of a springboard.

9:55 Adam Well, we can't help it.

9:55 Face to Face Yeah, as a matter of fact.

9:56 Adam If they really had, we would never see them again.

9:58 Drew That's true. Yeah. Well, maybe not so much a springboard, but maybe, I'm trying to, what's something you'd, one of those aerobic step things.

10:08 Adam Yeah.

10:08 Drew How many of those you figured they sold? You know what I mean? I got an invention. It's a step. How's it work? Well, it's six inches above the ground. What ground? Well, wherever you'd normally be, this would be six inches higher. Yeah. What do you do? You step up on it. And then what? Well, then you step down.

10:24 Face to Face Don't you get it?

10:25 Drew Then you step up again. How much? $49.95. What do you say? It's like...

10:29 Face to Face Three installments.

10:31 Drew Yeah. A $49.95. Yeah. Seems like a deal.

10:35 Face to Face And the way they make their money is nobody would ever admit not using it and, you know, selling it or giving it back.

10:41 Drew They used to have whole step classes.

10:43 Face to Face Yeah.

10:44 Adam Oh, yeah. Those haven't gone away, have they?

10:45 Drew Oh, they haven't?

10:47 Face to Face I believe they still do though.

10:48 Drew Oh, Drew, don't play stupid. Oh, someone attended one recently.

10:53 Face to Face They make you go there when you get caught drunk driving.

10:57 Drew I do one now that I'm literally a millionaire. I do one where I just have migrant workers lie at my feet and I step on them and step back down again. It cost a little more but it really feels good.

11:10 Adam Talking about infomercials just brings back memories of last night and I begin to think about Tommy Vu doing a step class.

11:17 Drew I'm not breaking into more Tommy Vu, but last night I did my Tom Vu. You remember Tom Vu, the guy used to do the real estate commercials? He was this Vietnamese guy and he was on late night and he was talking about buying real estate, no money down, and he had a big mansion and a Ferrari parked in front of it. And he'd say, you see that Ferrari? That's my toy. And he had a boat with chicks all over it. Oh, you guys either go to bed too early or too late. But the Tom Vu window opened and closed on Face to Face. All right, we'll hear something off the Face to Face CD. And soon as their record guy goes and gets it, he brought all 18 of the previous Face to Face CDs, except for the current one.

12:03 Face to Face Entire discography.

12:05 Drew He left at home. Ben?

12:07 Yes.

12:08 Drew You're 15?

12:09 Caller Yeah.

12:09 Drew What's up?

12:11 Nothing much.

12:12 Caller I had sex with my girlfriend. The condom broke. And a couple, actually two days after that, it seems like it came out the next time she went to the bathroom.

12:27 Drew The condom did?

12:28 No, no, no, the semen.

12:30 Face to Face How many days?

12:32 Caller One or two.

12:34 Drew Really?

12:34 Adam She didn't go to the bathroom for two days?

12:36 Caller No, she did. I mean, it's like, this was right before her period. And so...

12:41 Drew I see.

12:42 Adam Yeah.

12:42 Drew And three condoms filled with heroin also came out?

12:46 Caller No.

12:47 Drew No. Okay. But she would make a good mule, this one. She really would. Put semen in her and two days later comes out.

12:54 Adam I wish you could hear how bizarre the description you just gave is.

12:57 Face to Face Well, I hate to say from a physics standpoint, maybe she was lying to you whose semen was coming out two days later. Hey, what's that? Oh, it was yours from two days ago. Oh, okay.

13:08 Drew That's right. Ben?

13:10 Caller Yeah.

13:10 Drew Do you really think it was your semen that came out two days later?

13:14 Caller I doubt she's having sex with anybody else.

13:16 Adam What's your question?

13:18 Caller So is there a possibility that she could still be pregnant?

13:21 Adam Well, look, you had semen inside her, thereby she could get pregnant, period.

13:26 Drew Yeah, but it came out.

13:27 Adam Yeah, it always comes out.

13:29 Caller And she was pretty sure that it was semen.

13:31 Adam Whatever. Listen, whatever, Ben. You put semen inside her, she's going to get pregnant.

13:35 Drew Did you get a head count before they went in, Ben?

13:38 Caller Not exactly.

13:39 Adam How long ago did this happen?

13:41 How long ago?

13:42 Caller About a week and a half.

13:45 Adam You know about the morning after pill?

13:46 Yeah.

13:48 Face to Face Are you 480?

13:49 Adam No, not are you 480.

13:51 How much does it usually cost?

13:52 Adam About 30 bucks. Plan Parenthood would probably give it to you for next to nothing. Most of them, anyway.

13:56 Drew Yeah, but it's 30 bucks for the pill, but let me just tell you, that may sound like a lot, but my parents spent close to 90 raising me, okay? So think of it that way. My dad sometimes estimates as high as 100.

14:09 Adam It's not an abortion pill.

14:10 Drew When he drinks, he says it's 100, 110, but you know how, when the years go on, they tend to, you know, wham, wham.

14:16 Face to Face They want to make the other siblings jealous.

14:18 Drew Right. I remember he always points out the windbreaker he bought me in 1978 is one of the major expenses of my childhood.

14:24 Adam Oh, wait a minute, that was just at a Dodger game.

14:25 Drew Well, it said Santa Anita on the back, but the point is, is he bought it off a guy, went to Santa Anita, and that did set him back eight bucks.

14:32 Adam But to repeat this until completely boring everyone to tears, it's a pill you take within three days of a sexual encounter. It's not RU-46. It's not an abortion pill. It just prevents the egg and the sperm from getting together. The trade product is Prevent or Plan B. You can also take O-Vral, Low O-Vral.

14:47 Drew Okay, but...

14:48 Adam It takes care of it. Keep it in your medicine cabinet.

14:50 Drew The window has opened and slammed...

14:52 Adam And closed three days...

14:52 Drew .shot on his testicles, so now it's a waiting game.

14:55 Adam Right.

14:57 Drew They don't do that in movies or TV shows so much anymore where they go, now all we can do is wait. And then they cut away to everyone waiting. And then it goes to commercial.

15:06 Adam I thought of some more souffle humor. They even had it in Love and Death. Souffle is so heavy, you put it on the table, the table falls apart.

15:12 Drew Yeah.

15:12 Adam Collapses.

15:13 Drew I'm trying to bring souffle humor back to the American lexicon. When I grew up, someone was cooking a souffle, someone would walk into the kitchen, slam the door.

15:21 Face to Face Sure, it's very I Love Lucy.

15:22 Drew Alice would go running to the oven, flip the light on, look through the glass. It hasn't fallen yet. Act 3, chandelier falls, Alice runs to the oven again, flicks the light on, but then of course in Act 3 or 4, somehow the thing breaks, right? Right.

15:41 Adam The heavy souffle, the other part of that souffle humor.

15:43 Drew Yeah, but that was underused. Thank you. Carla?

15:47 Yes.

15:48 Drew You're 37?

15:49 Caller Yeah.

15:50 Drew You're on with Face to Face.

15:51 Caller Hi, Face to Face. Hi. I have a problem and was wondering if the doctor could help me. I have this fantasy. When I make love to my husband, I'm thinking of somebody else. My husband is very prejudiced. He's black and the person that I think he just turns me on is Jeff Goldblum. I keep thinking. It's you. I fantasize about it. Oh. My husband found out about it and now he's kind of upset with me.

16:20 Adam How did he find out about it?

16:21 Caller Well, he asked me one night, what is your fantasy? And I told him.

16:24 Adam Oh, boy.

16:24 Drew Jeff Goldblum?

16:26 Caller Oh, God, yes.

16:27 Face to Face You know what? A fantasy is a fantasy and he's got to accept that if he asked you your opinion of what your fantasy is and you gave it, he's kind of got to accept it.

16:35 Drew And by the way, here's the problem. It's like the only acceptable answer for most guys when they say, what's your fantasy? The only acceptable answer is you and a pair of cutoff sweats. And anything outside of that, they're pissed off. It's going to be a fight. So you're asking for trouble because what's your fantasy? Immediately there's somebody else involved and they're doing something to you that he doesn't get a chance to do. Are you black?

17:02 Caller Yes, I am. I'm biracial.

17:04 Drew You're biracial. Was that 50-50?

17:07 Caller Well, my mother was white, my dad's black.

17:09 Drew That's still 50-50, right?

17:11 Caller Yeah, that was 50-50, yeah.

17:12 Drew And your husband's all black?

17:14 Caller Yeah, he's kind of, you know, he's kind of prejudiced.

17:18 Drew But now does he not like the white guy or the Jew guy or both?

17:22 Caller I think it's just because he's white.

17:24 Adam But listen.

17:25 Drew Oh, just because he's white?

17:26 Adam Is it a distracting fantasy?

17:27 Drew Yeah, but the Jew thinks a little twist of the knife, isn't it?

17:30 Caller Well, I don't know.

17:31 Drew Hey, Carla, what's up with the blacks not liking the Jews?

17:34 Caller I don't know.

17:35 Drew The Jews, I know they're always going to bat for the blacks. They really are.

17:39 Caller Well, I like him. I mean, I think he's fine.

17:41 Drew Okay.

17:42 Face to Face Yeah, apparently there's no problem with her.

17:44 Caller No, there's no problem with me. Uh-uh.

17:46 Face to Face So, you know, it sounds to me that your boyfriend just has his own prejudice regardless of the fact that it's attached to a sexual fantasy of yours. And, you know, so if you have a sexual fantasy, it's including a person of another race. He already is predisposition to disliking. Chances are he's going to dislike it. Would he have approved if you had been fantasizing about a black guy?

18:09 Caller I think he would have been upset if it was anybody.

18:11 Adam Of course.

18:11 Face to Face So there you go. Maybe it's not a racial thing.

18:13 Adam I'm wondering what's going on in a relationship that that fantasy is so preoccupying.

18:17 Caller I don't know. I just can't get him out of my mind. I just saw him one day and he did a look to this lady in the movie and I just, I can't get it out of my mind.

18:27 Drew He is kind of hot. I mean, in a kind of nerdy way. He's fine. Chess Goldblum's kind of sleeper hot. You know, he's kind of nerdy hot.

18:35 Caller Uh-huh.

18:36 Drew Yeah.

18:36 Face to Face Especially in those IMAC commercials.

18:38 Caller Oh, yeah. But that boy is something that does something to me and I can't.

18:42 Adam But while you're with your husband, you're thinking about this other guy.

18:45 Caller Yeah.

18:46 Adam Doesn't that speak, say something about your relationship?

18:49 Caller Well, not all the time.

18:50 Adam Not all the time.

18:50 Caller Not all the time, but I love my husband. Believe me, I really love him and he's a really nice guy.

18:55 Adam All right. Well, then this will pass.

18:56 Drew No. Once in a while, she thinks Irv Rubin. He's the leader of the JDL, by the way. All right. You don't think of Irv? Okay. Drew, you're hip to Irv Rubin, right? I'm not hip. Oh, Jesus Christ. All right, Carolla, you're fine. Listen, and understand this, whenever a man, and we're all men, and we all know this, and we all know how it goes, and hopefully, we've stopped this. I don't know how old you got. How old are you guys?

19:22 Adam Old.

19:23 Drew Old enough to be here.

19:23 Face to Face Old enough to not really want to mention how old we are.

19:25 Drew Remember when you were like, remember when you were like 19, and you'd say to your girlfriend?

19:29 Face to Face Barely.

19:30 Drew You'd go, you'd go, you know, when you were with your last boyfriend, like, what'd you do? Like, did you ever do this position, or that? All those questions.

19:42 Face to Face You never really wanted to know.

19:43 Drew You didn't want the answer. What you didn't know is you were starting trouble, but you didn't know you were starting trouble.

19:49 Adam It's picking at a wound.

19:50 Drew Yeah, it's like there's a scab, and I'm gonna pick it off. I got a tooth that hurts like hell, so I'm gonna screw with it with my tongue. That's what that is.

19:58 Face to Face It is a self-imposed form of torture.

20:01 Drew Yeah, what are you fantasizing about? You know it's someone other than you, and then that leads to trouble. This is a subtle way that guys start trouble, but they usually drop this in the early 20s, right?

20:13 Adam Yeah, oh yeah.

20:14 Drew Now, you just don't care because you lost your will to live.

20:16 Face to Face The bottom line is guys stop asking questions that they don't want to be asked themselves. Hey, I never asked you that. Don't ask me that.

20:23 Drew Right, exactly. Sarah?

20:26 Yeah?

20:26 Drew You're 20?

20:27 Caller Yeah.

20:28 Drew What's up?

20:29 Caller Well, for the last month and a half, I've been feeling guilty about masturbating, and I'm kind of curious why it hasn't gone away.

20:39 Adam Before that, you'd been comfortable with it?

20:41 Caller Yeah, I've been perfectly fine.

20:43 Adam Then all of a sudden, guilt?

20:46 Caller Well, I kind of know why, but I'm just...

20:48 Adam Well, fill us in.

20:50 Caller Well, me and a bunch of people and my boyfriend, we went camping, and one night...

20:55 Drew I decided, by the way, the other couple weeks ago, that we should name, we should change the name from camping to raping, because that's all that goes on over there.

21:04 Adam Or just humping.

21:04 Drew Yeah, humping, humping. Yeah, it's no longer camping, it's humping. If I went camping with my grandmother, I'd nail her. I would, everyone that goes camping has sex, something happens out in the wilderness. Every time. Friends, you know, a guy and a girl have had a platonic relationship for 25 years ago, camping for one night, pow, he's banging the bejesus out of her. What is that?

21:30 Adam Let's find out.

21:31 Drew Sarah?

21:32 Caller Okay, it was one of the coldest nights, we were up there for like five nights, and I was really, really horny, and it was really, really cold, so I knew he was not going to take off his pants, no matter what I did.

21:47 Adam She's proving your point about what camping does to people though, right?

21:50 Drew Yeah, well, it loosens women up.

21:52 Adam It makes women, because guys are always fit.

21:53 Drew Guys are always ready anyway.

21:56 Caller And I turned over to him, I'm like, okay, I'm going to go masturbate unless you want to do it, because I felt kind of weird, you know, I'm doing it, and he's laying there holding me, it's kind of awkward, so I was like, do you want to do it? So he did it, and then after he asked me which one feels better, his penis or his finger, and I was like, what? You know?

22:16 Drew Well, the finger's bigger, but...

22:19 Caller You know, it's like, that concept never entered my mind until then, and now ever since, it's like, don't get me wrong, I love his penis, but it's...

22:31 Drew Not his finger?

22:32 Caller It's like now I have that in the back of my head.

22:34 Drew Okay, well, let's be fair to the penis, it doesn't have a bend, you know, it's not jointed in the middle. Could you imagine if you could do that with your penis?

22:43 Adam Two joints.

22:44 Drew Yeah, two joints. Wouldn't it be great if you could gesture with your penis? Hey, come here. Hey, you. You over there.

22:49 Face to Face Let's go.

22:50 More than just pointing.

22:52 Drew You're in big trouble, mister.

22:54 Come here.

22:55 Face to Face Well, I couldn't really tell if it's, you know, masturbating, you masturbating, or is it him masturbating you all the time?

23:02 Adam Which is it you're guilty over?

23:03 Yeah.

23:05 Caller Well, in the last half of the month, I've probably only done it three times, and I've forced myself because I couldn't have been able to sleep, and I'm like, I've been really horny and I couldn't sleep, and so I'm like, I have to do this. I'm not going to get any sleep. So just do it. Don't do that.

23:20 Drew All right. Hey, Sarah?

23:21 Caller Yeah?

23:22 Drew We're not labeling this as a legitimate problem.

23:24 Adam There's no reason for you to feel guilty.

23:26 Drew Yeah. Just masturbate. Don't worry about it.

23:28 Face to Face Okay.

23:29 Drew All right. You're fine.

23:30 Face to Face Bye.

23:30 Adam And if he makes you feel guilty, that's his problem.

23:33 Drew I had one of those, I didn't want to masturbate, but I had to masturbate last night, masturbation sessions.

23:39 Adam You've been having those more frequently lately.

23:42 Face to Face I just go out on the porch. Yeah. Yeah, sure. It's a moonlit night. It's beautiful.

23:49 Drew Seriously, and Drew won't answer this, but I want to ask the guys, do you ever have that, because I have this all the time, once I start, it becomes a question of who's better, me or my nuts, and there's no way I'm going to lose out to my sack. That's where I was at last night.

24:06 Face to Face I'm pretty driven, I won't even let a phone call stop me. Where were we? Come on, back to form.

24:11 Drew I had a couple of Tylenol PMs and a half bottle of red wine in me, and my penis was like, hey, I'm turning in. I'm turning in, I'm like, no you're not. And I actually, like halfway into it, had to get up and kind of shake it loose, walk around a little, crack the knuckles, move around, put a little water on my face, and it's like, come on, let's get back to it.

24:32 Adam Did you actually go down and hit the heavy bag a few times?

24:34 Drew Yeah, I hit the speed bag. I did a little shadow boxing, yeah. And I wasn't gonna let, you know, my scrotum get the best of me.

24:42 Adam Sure.

24:43 Drew You guys know what I'm talking about? Who's boss? That's what I'm saying. Yeah, here's, okay, because it's a dangerous precedent for your penis to beat you.

24:50 Face to Face Right, right.

24:50 Drew Like, you have to have the kind of penis where you go, hey, hey, I don't care if we did it an hour ago. I said go, we're doing it, here we go, let's go.

25:01 Face to Face It felt good then and it's going to feel good now.

25:04 Drew Yeah, it felt like a, you know, like a drill sergeant and we were on like a 15 mile hike and I'd given the guys like a 10 minute break and now I was going, all right, rookies, on your feet now, let's go. And my penis was like, oh, sergeant, I'm so tired, let's go. Yeah, that's about it. Dre, you love Fat Camp, don't you Lardos? I can't hear you, son. Miguel?

25:33 Mayonnaise?

25:34 Drew Yeah, that's my ramp name, by the way.

25:36 That's my main, main mayonnaise.

25:37 That's my main, main mayonnaise.

25:39 Drew It's a good ramp name, isn't it? You know, with a Z?

25:41 Face to Face Yeah, it's great.

25:42 Drew Because it's like a white guy ramp name, but it's got the word man in it.

25:45 Face to Face You're the new vanilla ice.

25:46 Drew Yeah, man-aze. Yeah. All right, Miguel.

25:51 Hey, Face to Face. How are you?

25:52 Face to Face Hey, how's it going?

25:53 Good, thanks. In lieu of one question, can I ask two really quick questions?

25:58 Drew All right.

26:01 Well, you were talking about shadow boxing a few minutes ago, and I just bought a heavy bag, and I noticed that when I hit the thing, I get bruises and sort of growth on my knuckles.

26:12 Adam Come on, don't be such a pussy. Are you wrapping your knuckles?

26:15 Yeah. Do you have any recommendations to soften the blow?

26:19 Drew Yeah, I got a few. First off, you may want to get one of those water bags. They have water bladder in them. I switched to one of those a year ago. I love the thing. Hey, number one. B number two, are you using bag gloves?

26:34 Yes.

26:34 Drew Yeah, but use real good bag gloves, not those cheap ones with the thumb cut out that are like mittens. You got to use real good bag gloves or like boxing gloves.

26:44 Oh, I see. How much do those cost?

26:46 Drew They're probably like 50 bucks.

26:48 Sweet.

26:49 Drew And wrap your hands. Can you wrap your hands?

26:51 Oh, no, I don't do that.

26:52 Adam You got to do that.

26:54 Drew It'd be good to do that, but use... Okay, okay. This is real quick. We never talk about this. Just want to indulge me for a second. Here's the deal, Miguel. When you hit the bag, you hit it flat with your knuckles. Don't graze off it, because it's like... If you... I always used to say this when I used to... to my students when I used to teach boxing. If you drop your knee right down on the ground, you won't get a scrape. But if you're running forward and scrape your knee on the ground, it'll take the skin off. And it's the same thing when you're hitting the bag. If you hit it flat and hit it flush, you won't screw up your knuckles. But if you're grazing it and coming off it and glancing off it all the time, you'll scrape your knuckles just like you'd scrape your knee if you dragged it along the ground, as opposed to planting it on the ground. So try to plant your punches, all right? And it'll help your form anyway. You'll punch straight. Get some wraps. Call a place called Ringside. Ringside, they're in like Indiana or something. Order some good bag gloves and some Mexican wraps, all right?

27:53 Caller I will do that.

27:53 Drew Not the canvas ones, the Mexican ones. They stretch a little. And don't wrap them too tight. It'll cut your circulation off, all right?

27:59 Caller Awesome.

27:59 Drew All right, what else?

28:00 Caller Listening to your show for a really long time. And I know you guys get compliments all the time. And I just want to add another one that I think your show is great. I think one of my most favorite shows of all time, unfortunately Dr. Drew wasn't involved, was when Snoop Dogg came along.

28:16 Drew Snoop Dogg, yeah.

28:16 Caller And Snoop Dogg came on. And that leads into my second question. Dr. Drew, do you know Deez? Who? Deez Nuts in your face.

28:27 That's my main, main, main name.

28:28 My main, main, main name.

28:30 Drew Hey, Miguel. All right, everybody. Wrap those hands.

28:33 I love you guys.

28:34 Drew Get those bag gloves.

28:35 See you later.

28:36 Drew Seriously, do you know Deez? No, he doesn't know. Boy, you're moted and corroded. Fully.

28:46 Face to Face Corroded.

28:47 Drew Corroded. Raquel?

28:51 Face to Face I believe it. Butt exploded?

28:53 Drew Is that the third point? I always said you're, we're not allowed to say the T word, but the breast exploded.

29:01 Face to Face Yeah.

29:01 Drew You're moted and corroded. You're, you're, bosoms exploded. Yeah. Is that you?

29:08 Adam No way beyond me. I don't know what the F you're talking about.

29:10 Drew Well, you're still reeling because you didn't know Ds. Raquel?

29:15 Adam Yeah.

29:15 Drew What's up?

29:16 Hi.

29:17 Hey.

29:18 I know you guys get a lot of compliments, but I just want to say I love your show and what's up, Face to Face?

29:23 Face to Face How's it going?

29:24 You know, actually it's Rachel.

29:27 Face to Face Hi, Rachel.

29:27 Drew Oh, okay, Rachel.

29:30 I actually have a question. Actually, it's kind of like I'm kind of confused because, like, everything in a relationship, I get in with a guy, I kind of, like, am thinking about girls when I'm with him. Like, I think about, I don't know, I'm attracted to girls lately. I don't know if it's a stage or I don't know, like, what's going on with me, but...

29:52 Drew Have you ever been with a girl?

29:55 Actually, the other day...

29:56 Adam Hold on. Let's hear about this when we get back.

29:58 Drew You want to do that?

29:58 Adam All right.

29:59 Okay.

30:00 Drew We're going to Face to Face as our guest. Hopefully, we have their new CD here. Or if we don't... Oh, yes, we do. So we'll hear something off of that in the next break. We'll get back to... What is it? Rachel? Rachel. Right. We'll hear about our attraction to women after this.

30:18 Caller We'll be right back. Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191.

30:56 Drew It's Loveline, Adam Carolla, he's Dr. Drew. Oh, I didn't get the timing right. Yeah. Oh, wait. Oh, wasn't the music, didn't the music kick in again?

31:10 Adam Supposed to.

31:12 Drew Remember when I used to fart during that break?

31:15 Adam Yeah, I missed that.

31:16 Drew One time.

31:16 Adam Those were the good old days.

31:17 Drew Yeah, well, I'll explain that later. Trevor and Scott are both here from Face to Face, and we will hear something off the Face to Face CD. I'd like that in here, Ann, if you do have, do you have that? Oh, okay. So we're going to hear a song off that. We're going to finish talking to Rachel about her lesbian tendencies. Rachel?

31:42 Yep.

31:42 Drew So it could be an hour or so before we hear the song.

31:44 Face to Face Yeah, that's understandable.

31:47 It's understandable.

31:49 Drew So have you ever been with a girl?

31:51 Well, actually, I have like two best friends and we're like really close or whatever. And like the other day, like, because I've never been, I'm 18 and I've never been with a girl like prior and I've always like wondered what it's always, I've always like fantasized kind of, like I, well, I know this is, everybody has to admit all the girls because we all masturbate, but this all the girls do. So, I mean, I, instead of thinking of men, I mean, I love guys, but like I always think of women that's so weird and kind of freaking myself out. But like-

32:26 Drew So what about your two best friends?

32:27 Caller Well, sorry.

32:31 No, but like we ended up like, all three of us just, we started just like making out and just like feeling each other and stuff. And like, I don't know, I told my sister about it because we were real close. And I don't know, it was, it was awesome. It was completely awesome. It was like the best experience.

32:48 Drew And, but, but you wouldn't consider any one of the three of you lesbians?

32:54 Well, I know, I know they're kind, I think they might be bisexual, but I don't, I'm not sure.

32:59 Drew So, and these were your best friends?

33:01 Yeah.

33:01 Drew And you're really into it?

33:03 Yeah.

33:03 Drew But it didn't, you sort of stopped at a certain point, right?

33:07 Well, yeah, because they had to leave.

33:09 Adam How is it you don't know whether or not they're-

33:10 Drew They had a golf tournament coming up?

33:11 Adam We're not there bisexual or gay.

33:14 Caller Oh, thanks for that line.

33:16 Drew By the way, hold on, I know we've brought this up before, but this guys would never do this. It's like me and Bert and Stu, we're pretty tight. I mean, they're cool dudes and everything.

33:26 Face to Face Yeah.

33:26 Drew We hang out a lot and stuff. And I don't know, we'd had a couple of beers, we knocked a few back and I just started rubbing Bert's ass.

33:33 Face to Face We started feeling each other.

33:34 Drew Stu was really getting into it.

33:35 Face to Face It would have gone farther, but the game was on.

33:38 Drew Yeah, the game started. It was a one o'clock kickoff. So it broke up pretty quick. We were really grooving on each other. We're just friends though. I mean, it's cool. Bert and Stu both have girlfriends, but you know, I mean, they're both kind of hot. I mean, they're not good looking, but their personalities are really attractive. And you know, we've known each other for a while. Oops, wait a minute.

33:57 Adam How is it you don't know whether or not they're gay or bisexual?

34:00 No. How is it? I think one of them is bisexual.

34:03 Adam But what do you mean you think they are? They're your best friends.

34:06 Face to Face Her kissing was more intense.

34:08 Well, because I have a boyfriend.

34:11 Drew Wait a minute.

34:12 Adam These are your best friends. Wait a minute.

34:13 Drew That's why you're stupid?

34:15 Adam These are your best friends and you never have discussed their sexual preferences?

34:19 Well, it's kind of just like we're just open about it. We just have fun with it. It's not like, I mean...

34:25 Adam I'm going to ask you one more time.

34:26 Drew Hold on. Sometimes people need this announcement. Earth to TARD. Earth to TARD. Come in, TARD. TARD, are you there? Yes, TARD. We'd like to speak to the leader of the TARD. Is that you, Rachel?

34:39 What?

34:40 Drew What my partner, Dr. Drew, is curious about is how is it that you don't know what your best friends are? You don't know whether they're lesbian? You don't know whether they're bisexual?

34:51 Adam Especially since you say you're open about these things and talk about it all the time.

34:54 Okay, well, I guess we all are bisexual then, I guess. But I'm not really sure about myself. I'm wondering if it's like a stage or it's getting in between my relationships with guys and maybe you're not really liking it.

35:07 Face to Face Maybe it's perfect for fantasy food but not the sort of thing you want to take on. I mean, you'd want to think before mailing the postcards out to mom and dad for a new lifestyle choice.

35:15 Adam Do you have any history of-

35:17 Drew The stamp on this card is not all afflict, mother.

35:20 Adam Any history of sexual trauma in childhood that would make it difficult for you to sort of come up with a sexual identity?

35:27 Actually, no. My family is great.

35:29 Adam All right, so you're just sort of exploring and you're 18?

35:32 Yeah.

35:33 Adam That's that.

35:33 Drew Everyone's doing it.

35:34 But see, that's the thing. I've been listening to you guys for about two or three years, and I've always wanted to call about this, but I haven't. And it's just like the imagination is just-

35:46 Adam Well, a lot of women experience sexuality by thinking about other women, because women are sort of the sexual objects in our culture. And to be aroused by and to sort of feel sexual and think sexually as it regards to female objects is a common thing. But you're going to be on that.

36:03 Drew I'm, yeah, she's fine. I'm going nuts thinking about the amount of hold downs I have to put in my garage. I'm getting angry now. I just did a tally. I came up with 10 goddamn hold downs in that bunker. I'm no longer building a garage. I'm building a fallout goddamn shelter.

36:20 Face to Face It's an ammo.

36:21 Drew Okay. We're going to hear a face to face on and then I'm going to talk to the guys more about the city and permits and hold downs. Drew, where are you going? You're missing a very important conversation about the man and taxpayers and what I should get for my 500 grand a year. All right. This one is, oh, this is called Disappointed. Now, listen to that applause. There you go. Well, disappointed from Face to Face. Drew is in the next room. He's back here. He's returned his page. Can you put that on vibrate, please, Drew?

39:41 Adam Yeah, thanks.

39:42 Drew That's not your wife, is it?

39:43 Adam No.

39:44 Drew Who? Who paid you?

39:45 Adam The hospital.

39:46 Drew All right.

39:46 Adam Ann's talking to my wife.

39:47 Drew Oh, really?

39:48 Adam Everything okay?

39:49 Drew Twins talk, multiple talk.

39:52 Adam Oh, yeah. Those two now.

39:53 Drew Drew has triplets and Ann has doublets, and now they gotta talk.

39:57 Adam And man do they talk.

39:58 Drew Hey, women can kill two hours talking about cuticles. Imagine how much they can talk about kids. Oh, yeah. You really think about it. I think it's about a couple of hours just talking about herbal tea.

40:10 Adam And those two, they already have difficulty expressing themselves.

40:13 Face to Face I like a nice Formosa Oolong.

40:15 Drew Thank you very much. Yeah. I'm a sleepy time man myself.

40:19 Face to Face I'm a sleepy time man.

40:20 Drew Do you, Drew, do you, are you giving Ann a bunch of your multiple junk? You know, like Thomas the Tank Engine crap that you got? Yes.

40:29 Adam Oh, yes. We gave her a huge crate of that stuff. The videos?

40:32 Drew Videos, whatever.

40:33 Adam Most of the stuff we've given away already, though.

40:35 Drew Don't you think kids, I was talking to Drew about this. I was in some kids' room, you know, molesting them a couple of weeks back, and I saw a Grinch that stole Christmas tape amongst all the other Christmas tapes. The tapes that I...

40:51 Adam The Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.

40:53 Drew All of them. The ones I could remember, and all the peanuts, the Charlie Brown stuff, the, I remember the Halloween one, the things that coveted things. I used to wait for that day, man. I mean, I knew three, four weeks before that Grinch that stole Christmas was coming. And it was exciting. I mean, every year, they'd probably run it about December 8th, December 9th. It was sort of early, mid.

41:17 Adam You just knew Christmas was underway.

41:19 Drew Mid-early December. It wasn't too close to Christmas. Always a couple weeks off.

41:23 Face to Face Wizard of Oz was one that was a new annual.

41:24 Adam That was another one. That was in the late winter, usually.

41:27 Drew Be a Friday night, maybe about eight o'clock. And that was serious excitement. And I mean, if you took a leak or got something neat and it came back on, your sister or brother started yelling. I mean, you were sprinting in those little foot jammies down the thing. You'd slide past the door and scramble back in and die. You couldn't miss a second of that on that crappy black and white zenith we have. But the point is, is the idea that you could look at that in August and July.

41:51 Face to Face Anytime you want.

41:52 Drew Would be good, but at first. But I think ultimately the joke's on them. They can't possibly enjoy it as much, can they?

42:02 Adam It creates as much more of a fluidity with all those sorts of choices because they watch a Disney film that we'd see when we were seven, we'd never see again, ever.

42:11 Drew Right.

42:12 Adam Well, they see it on video six months later. Right. So, they're looking for the next thing, the next thing, the next thing. They're just very much involved in what's next.

42:18 Drew I still think Bedknobs and Broomsticks is a masterpiece. I've declared it a masterpiece because I saw it when I was seven. A cinematic triumph, says Adam Corolla. Escape to Witch Mountain. Another triumph.

42:31 Adam I'm kidding. Babes in Toyland. Come on.

42:33 Face to Face Excuse me. Cricket. All right.

42:35 No, right.

42:35 Drew Drew, no one's heard of it. Dion? Yeah. Wings was the first movie Drew saw, is all that.

42:42 Hello?

42:42 Drew You're 19.

42:44 Caller Yeah. I'm trying to figure out how to ask my girlfriend to move out the way she snuck and moved in.

42:52 Drew Yeah. How about just tilting the apartment on its side, letting her fall out naturally?

42:57 Adam You want some way to do it without causing conflict?

43:00 Caller Right. So we can still be together.

43:03 Drew Interesting. So you feel like she moved in on you.

43:08 Caller It's like I got the place in May and she started spending the night and spending the night and now it's August and she called my house home the other day and that kind of snapped in my head like, huh?

43:21 I'm going to live here.

43:22 Drew Yeah. Well, you're 19 and I understand it's a little young for that and you figure you're going to piss her off, right?

43:27 Caller Right.

43:28 Adam He is.

43:28 Caller Yeah.

43:29 Adam It's going to hurt her in some way, but you got to have that discussion about health and personal space and how you need your own.

43:34 Face to Face Just tell her, being together is driving us apart.

43:37 Adam There you go. Yeah, I like that.

43:39 Drew That's good. Yeah, just tell her you're really in there and you want to continue being in there, but you're just 19 and you two living on top of each other is causing too many problems right now. So you get around and you stay with her. I had a girlfriend move in with me because her apartment was crushed in an earthquake.

43:56 Adam Yeah.

43:57 Drew That was bad.

43:57 Adam Doesn't that remind you of something?

43:58 Drew Yeah, I was just yelling about earthquakes and it was in my mind. But don't start it. I had a girlfriend. I'd known her for three or four weeks. Cynthia. She was a little bit crazy, this Cynthia, three or four weeks in her. Everything was going great. She slept over the night of the big earthquake in 94. Her apartment was totaled. She had no money in the bank. Her car broke down. Her work, she was working in like Encino on Ventura. That place fell apart. No work, blown head gasket on her car. Apartment destroyed, no money in the bank, and at my house. And that was the beginning of the end. You know, you've been dating some for three weeks and you're now living together. Bad times. And she don't have a job or a car.

44:46 Face to Face You're an awfully charitable fella. I was going to say, even three weeks into a relationship, I would have been like, I'll pay for half a one night at a Ramada.

44:55 Adam It's not trivial that you took her in. You did the right thing.

44:58 Drew Well, first off, you're hitting it off. You're getting along great. She slept over four out of the last six nights. She's sleeping over the night of the big quake. Now you have no money. She has no money.

45:10 Face to Face You're kind of responsible at that point. Yeah.

45:11 Drew It's like she's there.

45:13 Face to Face As long as it's with you in the quake hit, isn't there a rule in the book?

45:16 Drew And the thing that was funniest too is she's from Minnesota. I was like, honey, I've been to a hundred of these quakes. You're going to go over there. You're going to have one dish broken. That'll be it. We call it the fire department. I was like spraying foam on a place. I was living in La Crescenta and she was living right. She lived right by the river in Sherman Oaks, right? Right on the fault line. And we went over there and she just started balling. And I was like, hey, you know what I said about I was wrong. You're right. This is horrible.

45:42 Face to Face You know what? She never lived there. She just drove you around, found a place. That's where I live. The one that's all in a pile of rubble.

45:49 Drew That's right. She ran in, planted something and ran back out with it.

45:53 Face to Face Look, see my fern.

45:55 Drew All right, we will take a little break, face face our guest and we'll be back after this.

46:01 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

46:37 Face to Face It's the Loveline.

46:39 Drew Adam Corolla is Dr. Drew. Trevor and Scott are both here from face to face. They're gonna be at the House of Blues the 24th, the 25th, and the 26th of this month, and it is almost sold out, I have been told.

46:54 Face to Face There's like five tickets left for each show.

46:56 Drew Oh, now it's three. Hurry.

46:59 Face to Face Hurry. Precious seconds are left.

47:01 Drew That's what I love about the QVC. It's like, oh, there's 150 clowns left. Oh, now there's 86 porcelain clowns left, and they're down to like 46, and I'm moving for the phone at that point.

47:10 Caller They go like, I gotta get one.

47:12 Drew We have a pile of human fecal matter. We're down to 168. Oh, now we're down to 86. I'd dive on the phone if I had enough.

47:19 Face to Face Some people are sick of sickness, you know.

47:21 Drew I gotta grab. The idea that they're running out of something that I could have always seems to stir me. Cindy?

47:30 Hello?

47:30 Drew You're 17?

47:31 Caller Yes, I'm 17.

47:33 Drew What is up with everyone's phone line?

47:35 Adam I don't know.

47:36 Caller I'm sorry.

47:36 Drew All right.

47:38 Adam Real quickly, Cindy, let's go.

47:39 Caller Okay. I'm 17 and I don't like men and I want to be a lesbian. I like girls. I've had girl experiences and I don't know.

47:47 Adam Just out of curiosity, you sort of, you couched it in, I don't like men. Is it that you don't like men or that you like women? Which, or is it both?

47:56 Caller I like women. I just, I can't stand to be around guys. I don't like them. I've tried to get intimate with them and I can't.

48:02 Adam Most of them I don't like.

48:03 Drew Yeah, but you just said, I like women. I don't like men. I can't stand to be around them. You just said what Drew said.

48:10 Caller Yeah.

48:11 Drew Okay, where's your dad?

48:12 Caller My dad's asleep.

48:13 Adam You want to gamble?

48:14 Drew Yeah.

48:15 Adam Hold on.

48:15 Drew Oh, he's asleep?

48:16 Adam That's all right.

48:17 Caller Yeah, he's asleep.

48:18 Adam It's okay. I don't get the abandoned dad thing.

48:20 Caller No, I've never been abandoned by my father.

48:23 Drew Yeah. What kind of guy is he?

48:25 Caller He's a real, like, I get along fine with my dad. He's the only guy I just, I don't know. I don't know what it is. He's the only one I get along with, the only male.

48:33 Drew Wait a minute.

48:33 Face to Face Something must have happened because being attracted to women is normal, but hating men isn't normal.

48:38 Caller Right.

48:40 Adam It's not that you're a lesbian that we're zeroing in on. It's the fact that so much of what you've told us so far about yourself is how much you hate men.

48:48 Caller Right.

48:50 Adam Where does that come from?

48:52 Caller I don't know. Like, I try to think about if something happened in my childhood, but I can't remember anything.

48:58 Adam Do you hate Adam?

48:59 Caller No, not. He's funny.

49:01 Caller That's about it.

49:02 Face to Face That is about it, isn't it?

49:05 Drew What do you want me to play the goddamn bagpipes for you? I get paid a lot of money to be funny. I'm a millionaire, literally a millionaire. You hear that, Cynthia?

49:16 Adam Now she likes you.

49:17 Drew Yeah. That goes out to my ex-girlfriend who squatted my house during the earthquake. Millionaire, honey. That's right. Big time. I think she must have been holding me back because I wasn't a millionaire when I was with her. Hey, Cindy? Your dad doesn't drink?

49:35 Caller Not really, kind of.

49:37 Face to Face Any bad experiences like abusive or violent boyfriends?

49:41 Caller Yeah, I've had some violent boyfriends.

49:43 Face to Face Do you run with social circles of people that are generally rude and uncaring and mean to you? Well, maybe you just need to change your social circle.

49:52 Adam Maybe you're just sort of soured on men. Maybe you have an experience about men.

49:56 Drew I hate to say, but you need to hang out with some gay guys. That'll get you back on, man. They're very caring, nurturing, they smell good, they recycle, they're into the environment.

50:07 Caller So should I just ignore many pleasures I've had with women?

50:11 Adam No, not at all. That's not what we're saying.

50:13 Drew You're lesbian, that's fine.

50:14 Adam That's fine.

50:14 Drew Just don't do it through process of elimination. Be with a woman because you want to be with a woman, not because you don't want to be with a man.

50:20 Face to Face It shouldn't be a default thing. I don't like men, so what's my choice?

50:24 Drew Right.

50:25 Adam But I would look, why shouldn't you have reasonably good relationships with men as well? Not necessarily sexual, if you're a lesbian, that's fine. But maybe you need to look at or work at meeting different kinds of guys.

50:38 Drew Jason? Jason? Caller goes by the name of Jason?

50:42 Caller Yeah.

50:43 Drew Year 16, what's up?

50:45 Caller Yeah, about like a month and a half ago, I went down on this girl, and she was like 19. And like a week after that, the skin on my gums, it started like falling off. Like not all at once, just like in spots.

51:00 Adam But those are ulcers, that could be herpes.

51:02 Drew Was she wearing gauchos?

51:04 Caller What was that?

51:05 Adam Where you going with that?

51:06 Drew I just wonder if she took her pants down first. Sometimes guys go down on girls, they don't take the pants off.

51:12 Caller Yeah, well, I was just wondering if it was like an STD or anything.

51:16 Adam Yeah, herpes can behave like that.

51:19 Drew You get herpes on the gums?

51:21 Caller Yeah, because after that, I also started using this mouthwash. It tastes really nasty. And I was wondering if it was probably that or if it was an STD or anything.

51:30 Adam Why did you start using the mouthwash?

51:32 Caller Well, it's just that my mom bought it.

51:36 Adam What mouthwash is it? I'm just curious.

51:38 Caller It's one of the generic store brands.

51:40 Adam I think it's more likely to be the mouthwash, okay?

51:42 Face to Face If you're overdoing it. You know?

51:45 Adam Change the mouthwash.

51:46 Face to Face If the symptoms persist, see a doctor.

51:48 Drew You went down on a 19-year-old, huh?

51:51 Caller Uh, yeah.

51:51 Drew That's pretty good.

51:53 Caller You think so?

51:54 Drew Yeah, for 16?

51:55 Caller It's quite an accomplishment.

51:56 Drew I would have considered that quite a feather in my cap at 16 to go down on a 19-year-old.

51:59 Face to Face We're all real impressed.

52:00 Caller I'm the big boy.

52:02 Drew Yeah.

52:03 Caller That's great.

52:04 Drew Yeah. A 19-year-old corpse I would have been bragging about at 16. I broke into the morgue. No, no. Hear me out. Rachel.

52:15 Hi.

52:15 Drew Hey, you're 25.

52:16 Caller Yes.

52:17 What's up?

52:18 Caller I was on fertility drugs for a while, and I ended that on May 9th, and my period just started. It's been 21 days now, and I will not stop bleeding.

52:29 Adam Were you on Pergonol?

52:30 Caller No. Just Clomid.

52:31 Adam Clomid.

52:31 Caller I didn't go that extra route.

52:34 Adam You were not having periods on the Clomid?

52:36 Caller I was up until the last cycle, my third cycle.

52:40 Adam And then you stopped?

52:41 Caller Yeah. She had me on 150 milligrams. And they tracked it, and it went 75 days before it started.

52:48 Drew What is this for?

52:49 Adam It makes you release eggs, basically.

52:51 Caller Yeah, but I don't release eggs.

52:52 Drew Do they come shooting out of your vagina like Star Trek?

52:55 No.

52:56 Adam Looks like Roman candles, kind of.

52:58 Drew Yeah. Like a Piccolo Pea.

52:59 Adam Yeah.

52:59 Caller Really tiny.

53:00 Drew That's great.

53:02 Caller Yeah.

53:02 Drew It's better if it's at night, though, right? It doesn't show up so much during the day.

53:05 Adam You see the color better at night. But listen, Rachel, why aren't you calling the doctors that have been treating you? Because there are ways they can stabilize the lining of the uterus, the endometrium, with hormones. It's called dysfunctional uterine bleeding, and it can happen from ovarian cysts, it can happen from thyroid disease. But this has been because you've been-

53:22 Drew I don't have any of that.

53:23 Adam Yeah, but your hormones have been manipulated. You probably had an overgrowth of the endometrial lining.

53:28 Drew I could stabilize that uterus of yours with some subfloor adhesive and a caulking gun. No problem. A little PL4000.

53:36 Adam They may put you on the pill. They may give you some progesterone. There's various ways they can stop.

53:39 Caller I was thinking that they might put me on day pro to stop it.

53:42 Adam Not day pro. Day pro is an anti-

53:43 Caller That happened like two years ago.

53:45 Adam Day pro is an anti-inflammatory.

53:47 Caller Okay.

53:47 Adam You got to call them. They got to get you on some hormones. Probably on probera.

53:51 Caller I just don't want to take any more drugs.

53:53 Adam Well-

53:53 Caller But that's the only way to stop it.

53:54 Adam Yeah, you may have to. Make sure you take some iron.

53:58 Drew Can I ask you a question, man? Are you a real doctor or just a love doctor? I love our callers. They'll sit there and listen to them rattle that crap off for 10 minutes and then go. Then during the commercial, they'll go, you a psychologist? I built a vagina in my basement in high school. Are you kidding? Drew, you're a genius. I tell you. What are you doing? You're pointing at something? Okay. We got to take a break. When we come back, we'll speak to Karen. Hey. What? Forget it.

54:36 Adam That's good radio, Adam. It's good.

54:37 Drew No, I just mean, Daniel, just spell Karen however Karen is spelled. Don't ask them how to do it. That drives me insane. They do that to me on the TV show. Everyone's got their own name because everyone's a retard these days and have to establish yourself through the spelling of their name. They work at a Wendy's, but don't worry, they spell Lisa with two I's. So now they're special all of a sudden. So everyone spells their name their own special way. I know we're running late for break. So the idiots on the TV show hold up the cue card with everyone's own idiot spelling of their own personal name.

55:06 Adam You can't read it. Yeah.

55:07 Face to Face I have no idea how to pronounce it.

55:08 Drew I have no idea how to pronounce it except for it's Karen. It's just they spell it with three C's at the top. I always yell at them, I don't care how they spell their name, I want it spelled how it's spelled so I can pronounce the goddamn thing, and no one's going to see it written anyway. You can't articulate yourself any better than that.

55:27 Adam So Karen wants.

55:28 Drew There we go. I don't care if Karen wants. We'll be back. Let's worry about what Adam wants.

55:32 Adam Okay.

55:33 Loveline, Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, we'll be right back.

56:20 Drew It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Trevor and Scott are both here from Face to Face. We're gonna hear something off their new-ist CD called, what the hell is that? Oh, yeah, Reactionary. Wait a minute, did I get that right? Yeah, that's right. You know what my problem is? And I've done this before, Drew, and I gotta stop doing it. I have my little notepad here that I make my notes on, you know? And then through the course of the show, I start doodling on it.

56:53 Adam You lose track.

56:54 Drew And I take the name of the CD and I start turning it into a flower. And I take the name of the band members and I start turning those into something.

57:00 Adam Put little hearts around it.

57:01 Drew Put little hearts around Trevor's name and stuff. And dragons.

57:05 Face to Face Anyway, Pratsor, we are really glad, your name's Pratsor.

57:09 Drew Right, and I start drawing those German half tracks I was talking about last night, remember those from my youth? And before you know it, I got a big thing, looks like I've been in prison for 10 years doodling, and I can't read any of my own writing. So stop me if you see me doing that, Drew, please. Karen?

57:25 Hello?

57:26 Drew You're 29?

57:27 Caller Hi.

57:28 Caller What's up?

57:29 Caller Well, my husband, when we have sex, he likes for me to be the dominant one, the majority of the time. I don't mind, but he likes for me to perform like anal sex on him with various objects, like from the remote control to the...

57:49 Caller Remote control?...

57:51 Caller anything but like the kitchen sink. And it trips me out because later on, after we're finished, he's angry with me. But then a little while later, I'll be like, where's the remote control? It was just right there. Where is it at? I turn around, I look back, there it is. You know what I mean? And it smells kind of funky. You know what I mean?

58:16 Adam No, I lost you.

58:17 Face to Face So it's his idea.

58:19 Caller He gets mad at me for it. And then later on, I find him like the salt and pepper shaker.

58:22 Face to Face It sounds like some shame is creeping forward. He's having the post shame.

58:26 Caller You know, like, where's the salt and pepper shakers, honey? I don't understand this. And he gets like this weird look on his face. I know, and I know. I know what he's doing. But, I mean, what is it? Does he feel guilty?

58:38 Drew No, I know. I remember one time, I got to tell you guys a story. I haven't talked about it, but I came home. I couldn't find the salt shaker, beat the ass out of my girlfriend. It's like, come on, honey, get it out of your ass.

58:49 Face to Face No, no, no.

58:50 Drew Come on, spit it out. I know it's up your ass. I know that it turned out it was behind the paprika thing in the back of the shelf. I felt like an idiot, but, you know, your instinct goes.

59:00 Face to Face Especially accusing her in front of all the in-laws.

59:03 Drew Yeah, I mean, the fact that it was Thanksgiving.

59:05 Adam What kind of TV remote do they have?

59:07 Drew You know, hey, yeah, what in what am I gonna stop shoving this thing in your ass?

59:11 Caller It was, I'm here.

59:13 Drew He breaks when you get picture in picture.

59:17 Caller I don't, I don't think I don't.

59:19 Drew Wait a minute, Karen, Karen.

59:20 Adam Man, the Tivo potential is not funny because he's he. Hold on.

59:25 Drew It is funny. Let's say it may be tragic for you, but it's very funny for us.

59:29 Caller It's very funny.

59:30 Face to Face And I think it's simple. You just have to whether you know someone or have to pay for someone, just have a guy come over, service your husband and let him...

59:40 Caller I don't mind doing it. I just don't want to be hated afterwards.

59:44 Adam It doesn't mean he's gay, but as usual, these things with the...

59:48 Drew Listen, gay would be a real step up for you right now, Karen. It really would. For you to be married to...

59:52 Face to Face Gay would involve another human.

59:53 Drew Just married to a gay guy would be great.

59:55 Caller I'd like the best of both worlds. He's my best friend. But I just want to know if it's possible for him to walk around all day with like, um, um, assault shooters.

1:00:05 Drew All right. Hold on. Drew?

1:00:06 Adam It's possible, but not likely.

1:00:09 Drew Quiet.

1:00:10 Caller Why would he do...

1:00:11 Adam Well...

1:00:11 Caller He's in prison a lot.

1:00:12 Adam Oh.

1:00:13 Caller He's there right now. Hi, honey.

1:00:15 Adam Yeah. All right.

1:00:16 Drew Hold on a second.

1:00:16 Adam Hold on.

1:00:17 Drew Hold on.

1:00:17 Adam This thing gets wilder and wilder.

1:00:18 Drew I'm having trouble processing this. First off, Karen is ten kinds of nuts. Yeah. She's... You can hear it in her voice. She's skittish. She's all over the place. Now, I still want to just, like I said, just piece this together like Columbo for a second. Karen. Yeah. All right. Just listen, focus and track with me if you would, please. He wants you to put things in his ass during the lovemaking process. Right. Now, he puts things in his ass on his own as well.

1:00:51 Yeah.

1:00:52 Drew And walks around. And walks around.

1:00:54 Yeah.

1:00:54 Drew Does he ever want you to use a strap on?

1:01:00 Caller Yeah. And then in the morning, like we'll go out shopping to an adult store.

1:01:04 Yeah.

1:01:05 Drew A strap on penis, not like a strap on pepper mill.

1:01:08 Caller No. In the morning, I'll wake up and everything will be-

1:01:11 Drew It wouldn't be a bad thing though. Cut to the chase. You love eating, right? Yeah. You love Caesar salad? Yeah. You like sex? All right. Hold on. What have I got to get for you?

1:01:22 Caller Well, I just want to know is-

1:01:25 Drew What's he in prison for right now?

1:01:31 Caller Just not reporting to his parole officer.

1:01:33 Adam Parole violation. Of course.

1:01:34 Drew Oh, I see.

1:01:35 Face to Face In the joint, I don't know if many of you listeners out there know this, but in the joint, it's a very common practice for people to smuggle things in and out in their private zone. So perhaps he's got this space. He needs to constantly work it out.

1:01:49 Drew It's a muscle.

1:01:50 Face to Face I don't think it's a gay thing. I think he's just keeping.

1:01:52 Drew It's pragmatic. Yeah. That's right. You're going to get a carton.

1:01:55 Face to Face An extra pocket on a pair of pants.

1:01:57 Drew Karen, he's got to get a carton of Cools in one way or another.

1:02:00 Adam Karen, what is he in jail for?

1:02:02 Caller He's in jail for not reporting.

1:02:04 Adam What is he in jail for?

1:02:05 Caller What's he in jail for?

1:02:06 Drew Let's have fun. Just keep doing this. I don't care if the show goes on for another night.

1:02:09 Adam What is he in jail for?

1:02:10 Caller He's in jail for... Oh, because he snuck me in there.

1:02:18 Adam What is he in jail for?

1:02:19 Caller He's in jail for stealing cars.

1:02:22 Drew There we go. According to our listeners, everyone is born with a parole officer, and then you violate it. So you can actually go to prison for violation of parole without any prior. So stealing cars. And then he tried to put a U-Go in his ass, or what happened? Karen, here's where it's going to take a... Here's where it's going to go from macabre to downright heartbreaking, and I'm about ready to start crying here. Do you have any kids?

1:02:51 Caller We each have our own kids separately.

1:02:56 Drew If those kids were raised by ravy, infested raccoons, they would stand a better shot than you two numbskulls. You got Mr. and Mrs. Keester raising the kids, the Keester family. Is that what it says on the mailbox? Meet the Keesters. Meet the Keester bunny. Who is raising these kids?

1:03:19 Caller I love you.

1:03:20 Drew Who's raising these kids?

1:03:23 Caller Um.

1:03:25 Drew Really? I hope a hobo is raising them.

1:03:28 Face to Face It's 11 o'clock at night. Do you know where your children are?

1:03:30 Caller The kids have nothing to even do with this. The kids, I've never even heard them cuss. They don't even, they don't even.

1:03:35 Drew Where are they? Are they in the same house with you two idiots?

1:03:39 Caller Not, not when we're, not when we're playing hide and go.

1:03:43 Drew Well, I know you put them out in the yard with one of those stakes and 10 feet of chain. But where are they day in and day out?

1:03:51 Caller Not here.

1:03:51 Adam Where are they with?

1:03:53 Drew Where are they? I didn't ask where they were. Aren't you retarded?

1:03:56 Caller They're not, ooh.

1:03:57 Face to Face Okay, can I ask this? Who are they living with currently?

1:04:00 Caller They're living with their parents, their other parents, their father and their mother.

1:04:04 Caller Good.

1:04:04 Face to Face The other ones?

1:04:06 Adam They each have their own.

1:04:06 Drew They each have their own.

1:04:07 Caller Good.

1:04:08 Drew So they're not around you two numbskulls. All right, listen, Karen, you got to get back on your medication, whatever it is.

1:04:14 Caller All right.

1:04:14 Drew You got problems, right?

1:04:16 Caller Yeah.

1:04:16 Drew You should be on something?

1:04:18 Caller Yeah.

1:04:18 Drew Okay, get on it.

1:04:20 Caller All right.

1:04:21 Drew And listen, if you lose this guy, it's not going to be a tragedy.

1:04:25 Caller That's what I was thinking.

1:04:26 Drew You understand? Treat him like it's like, here's how I would treat this guy, like a half-use pack of matches that I left in Indio on my way back from Palm Springs and I'm sitting back in Hollywood. You think I'm going to make the drive back to pick them up?

1:04:40 Adam You Kaipa.

1:04:41 Drew You Kaipa. You understand?

1:04:43 I love you. I love you.

1:04:44 Drew All right, good. I love you. One last comment.

1:04:47 Adam One last comment is that this, the business, the preoccupation with the keyster that we're seeing so much of these days is really, I think, is a way of managing very intense aggression. So people do in response to various kinds of aggressive impulses. They either do that to somebody else. I don't mean gay, but I mean the guy's doing it to women, the guy's doing it to themselves. These are aggressive impulses that are sort of channeled that way.

1:05:10 Face to Face There's that, and there's also, you know, you got to figure the edges of those palm walls or whatever they're smoking in there. Pretty rugged. He's probably discovered his prostate by now and has, you know, whoa, hey, what the hell's going on there? Well, anyway, here's your smokes. And he gets out and he's like, oh, honey.

1:05:26 Drew He is on a first name basis with his prostate. I am still not sure if I have one or not, Drew. Drew?

1:05:33 Adam Yeah, yours came out your urethra years ago.

1:05:36 Drew Yeah, I checked that right out.

1:05:38 Adam Tossed it off.

1:05:39 Drew Yeah, let me tell you, let me tell you how my scrotum sack is. Once I am out of sperm, I am like a hot air balloon that is losing altitude. They just start tossing stuff, provision, sandbags, furniture. I spit out my liver and part of my lower intestine out my urethra last time I masturbated. It usually comes about number six. Sue?

1:05:59 Hi.

1:06:00 Drew You are 22?

1:06:01 Yes.

1:06:01 Drew Hey, how scary is that that Karen has a kid? Uh-oh, and better yet that the Keister Bunny has... Yeah, Mr. Keister, the Keister family. I swear we don't put that on our mailbox.

1:06:14 That's scary.

1:06:15 Drew That he has a kid too. Isn't that great?

1:06:18 Oh, it's terrible.

1:06:19 Drew And here's the thing too. You go, well, oh, oh, I see. Thank God he's being raised by his mother.

1:06:25 Adam Yeah.

1:06:25 Drew Imagine the guy or the gal, rather, who would marry...

1:06:29 Adam Mr. Keister...

1:06:30 Drew .Johnny Keister.

1:06:31 Adam Yeah...

1:06:32 .and stay long enough to have a child.

1:06:34 Adam Yeah. Oh, my God.

1:06:35 Drew Johnny Keister in the assets. That'd be a good name for, like, a rockabilly band.

1:06:40 Adam Use that in mind of yours for good only, okay?

1:06:42 Drew All right, so Sue, what's up? You're 22?

1:06:45 Caller Yes. I have a problem with intimacy, a major problem. I don't really have a whole lot of friends. I have close acquaintances, but not really anyone I trust. And it's starting to affect my relationship with my husband really bad.

1:07:04 Adam Has it always been this way for you?

1:07:06 Caller As far as I can remember, yes.

1:07:08 Adam Where does that come from, do you think?

1:07:09 Caller I don't know. I've been through all the questions that you guys normally ask, and I've thought and thought, and I can't find the answer.

1:07:17 Adam Have you ever had an eating disorder?

1:07:19 Caller No.

1:07:23 Face to Face Are you a homosexual? Because we love homosexuals.

1:07:27 Adam Listen, you have not been able to be close to friends even?

1:07:33 Caller I have one friend in my life that I remember that I could tell anything to him even.

1:07:38 Adam Did that friend violate your trust or anything?

1:07:40 Caller No. In fact, we're still very good friends.

1:07:42 Adam Where did trust become such an issue for you?

1:07:46 Caller I honestly don't know. I've been to therapy for it, and I can't even open up to my therapist.

1:07:54 Face to Face Any particular phobias like crowds or leaving the house or anything?

1:07:59 Caller No. Not really, but I can go places and I work, so I go to work and I can go to parties and things. But when I have to meet someone, it's very difficult.

1:08:11 Face to Face Are you filled with anxiety or do you just find most people disinteresting?

1:08:16 Caller No. I find people really interesting, but I feel like an idiot. Like I can't hold a conversation with them.

1:08:24 Adam You're asking some important question, which is leading down the path. Is there a social phobia here and is that what's causing her to be so impaired in her intimacies? But no, it really sounds like trust issues, and usually those are connected to what some people call the abandonment depression, that something happened that caused a disconnect in childhood that was so painful that you can never want to get back into a close relationship again unless that all should be triggered.

1:08:47 Face to Face And she's married, so, you know.

1:08:50 Adam And she can't have a close relationship with her husband.

1:08:52 Drew Back to therapy.

1:08:53 Adam Yeah, absolutely.

1:08:54 Drew I was sitting at the Shrink's office today myself.

1:08:57 Adam You trigger your abandonment depression? Or just was it rage and reaction to the HDs?

1:09:00 Drew We're still talking about the Lakers big win.

1:09:04 Adam You didn't process your inspection? Or that had happened yet?

1:09:09 Drew I got the inspection, and my therapist is very thankful that the inspection that I got on my garage edition, and it didn't pass by the way, today came some hours after my therapy session, in which case it would have, of course, been monopolized, our section. Mostly that and, you know, discussions of the man, and literally being a millionaire. That's all I talk about now. All right, I want to talk to Kathy. Kathy is 16. Kathy? Hi. What's up?

1:09:39 Adam You know, Line 3 is our problem.

1:09:41 Drew Oh, really? Is it always Line 3? Yeah, yeah.

1:09:43 Adam Anderson. Where's Anderson? There.

1:09:46 Drew Anderson.

1:09:47 Adam He's in there.

1:09:47 Drew Yeah. Hey, buddy. Hi, Kathy.

1:09:51 Caller Hi. I'm sorry about my phone. We have a really weak connection here at my house. Let's see. I work at McDonald's, and one of my managers has a past history of physical and vocal sexual harassment and verbal abuse.

1:10:08 Adam Nice.

1:10:08 Caller Let's see. About last week, I work in the back with the food, and so I wear a little apron. The tie is around in my behind, like around my butt.

1:10:19 Drew In your behind? Hold on a second. That's driving me nuts. You know what? I used to work at McDonald's. Drew, you ever work at McDonald's?

1:10:30 Face to Face No.

1:10:31 Drew Scott, Trevor?

1:10:32 Face to Face No.

1:10:33 Face to Face Never pulled food service.

1:10:34 Drew I think everyone should be forced to work there just for six months of their life just to humble them and make everything else seem better. I worked there. There was a sign by the clock that said time to lean, time to clean. I knew that was a bad thing. I used to do sweeps and mops of the dining area. That was a bad gig. I worked the grill. I did not work the register. Didn't see fit to put me behind the register, but I'd work the grill. I still remember. Cheese count on Max, please. Cheese three, please. Thank you. Burgers up. Wrap, please. Why is it? I can't remember anything else but that. You know what I mean? I remember fishing a guy's watch out of the garbage after he threw it away on his tray. I remember eating apple pies when somebody ordered 10 of them, didn't collect them. They had to throw them away in an hour. I ran in the back and just speaking of the key string, five in this hole, five in this hole. I was getting out with 10.

1:11:37 Adam That's the pie hole.

1:11:38 Drew I remember beating up some punk kids who were making fun of me for sweeping and mopping the dining area on their skateboards out in the parking lot. It was great.

1:11:49 Adam Now, how many did you beat up?

1:11:51 Drew Well, just one. It was a great scene. I was 15 and a half, 16 years old. I was wearing my brown outfit with my hat and everything. I was mopping the outside area. There's like three of these. There must have been 12. Maybe there were 13. Yeah, there could have been 13 or 14. Probably like two or three grades younger than I was. They're skating in a circle on their skateboards around the parking lot in front of the place. And they were just like...

1:12:19 Face to Face I knew I remembered you.

1:12:20 Drew They were like, hey, you missed a spot. And they just kept getting like ballsier and ballsier and more brazen and brazen. They're getting closer and closer to me. And I was just like mopping and like, keep mopping, mop boy. Yeah, one day I'll work at McDonald's, be a big shelly. And they're just like, and I just kept looking down and they just kept kept up with it. And I was I was playing football at that time. So I had a good like I had a good like 40 time. And I just kept looking down as mopping. I was looking out of the corner of my eye and they're like, hey, mop boy. And one, I timed it. So when the guy came at me just before he started in on his turn, just dropped the mop and was on a dead sprint on this guy and just ran him down. It was like a cheetah track going down a gazelle right up on the back of like an old Plymouth and just beat the crap out of him right. It was great.

1:13:07 Adam What his friends did.

1:13:08 They ran.

1:13:09 Drew They took off like like mad men. It's great. You know, you can catch most people who yell at you. You really can. The technique is you got one move. You don't got two moves. It's not like start moving at them and then make your move. Just keep looking down, keep doing what you're doing and then pow just start sprinting down. You'll knock them out. You'll run them down on a bike, a skateboard, one of those razors. You'll catch them. Razor.

1:13:33 Face to Face Did you let him know one day you'd be a millionaire?

1:13:35 Drew Literally a millionaire. I was yelling that as I was beating him on the back of his Plymouth. Wait, who were you talking to?

1:13:41 Adam Dante.

1:13:42 Drew Were we? Kathy's no good anymore?

1:13:44 Adam Bad Line 3. Oh yeah, Kathy. That's right.

1:13:46 Drew And Kathy?

1:13:47 Adam Yes.

1:13:47 Drew Oh, see it's cleared up.

1:13:48 Adam All right, Kathy, look.

1:13:49 Drew So he's making sexual overtures at you. How old is he?

1:13:54 Caller Oh, he must be in his 40s, at least.

1:13:56 Adam But the important thing is that he's your manager and that must stop. Is there someone above him you can talk to?

1:14:00 Drew Oh, there's Ronald.

1:14:02 Face to Face Yeah.

1:14:02 Caller Ronald. Let's see.

1:14:04 Face to Face Mayor McCheese.

1:14:06 Drew Sure.

1:14:07 Caller Before I started working, the head managers were like, hey, you know, watch out for this guy. His past history. If you have any problems at all, you know, tell us and he's gone.

1:14:16 Adam Well, there you go.

1:14:17 Caller Well, the thing is, is that he hasn't touched me.

1:14:20 Drew I mean, he's now. Listen, you're making this phone call to us. So fine.

1:14:24 Adam That's enough.

1:14:25 Drew He's gone.

1:14:25 Adam Yeah, that's enough.

1:14:26 Drew Yeah. He's going to miss that $5.35 an hour. I'll tell you. It's great. You know, it's always funny on those jobs, too. It's like your first day, you're like, I'm going to be the best grill master. Oh, my God. They're going to be proud. One day they'll be talking about me. I'm going to manage this place and like fast forward two hours. Like, I got to lose this gig. This sucks. I'm going to kill myself. It's always like for the first hour you're there, you're thinking, I'm going to be the world's greatest.

1:14:52 Face to Face Well, the first time you do anything and you don't get the reward. The pet log's dog. Right, right.

1:14:56 Drew But it's funny. I used to do that with class, too. I'd like show up for the first day class. Like, I'm going to do every assignment, I'm going to do every lick of homework. I'm going to study for every test. Like, you watch the clock tick forward five minutes. It's like, I already got a D. And I'm like, screw it. I'm cutting. I'm smoking weed. I'm going to the beach tomorrow.

1:15:13 Caller There you go.

1:15:16 Drew All right. Now, at least, I'm realistic to know that I don't even want to do it before I get there, which is, that's maturity, fellas. That's how you know you've matured. Jake?

1:15:24 Yeah?

1:15:25 Drew You're 15. Oh, sorry, you're 19.

1:15:27 Caller That's right.

1:15:28 Drew Yeah.

1:15:28 Caller Hey, what's up?

1:15:29 Drew Hey.

1:15:30 Caller How you guys doing?

1:15:31 Drew You know, when I worked at McDonald's, they had a training video that said, if the place is robbed by armed robbers, do not attempt to thwart them. And I'm thinking, I'm getting $2.65 an hour. I'm going over the counter. I'm going to wrestle the salt rifle away from the guy. Are you kidding me? I'm going to start pocketing burgers and cash if this guy walks in here. All right, Jake.

1:15:49 Caller All right, man. You ready for this?

1:15:51 Drew Yep.

1:15:52 Caller All right, man. Last night, I was driving, me and my girlfriend were driving. And then, you know, we start doing stuff and I start fingering her, okay, well, I'm driving. And then she starts pissing, like 15 minutes into it. Just starts pissing. And I just got a new truck and she pissed all over my seat.

1:16:09 Drew Glor or vinyl or leather, your bench seat, bucket seats.

1:16:13 Caller Yeah, bench seat. I got a bench seat. It's nice material now.

1:16:16 Drew A bench. Okay, stop, stop using, are we not supposed to use that word? Correct.

1:16:23 Caller It smells like urine.

1:16:24 Drew Yeah, urine. There you go. There you go. But we can say pissed off, right?

1:16:28 Adam You can say pee.

1:16:29 Drew And we can say pee. I'll say urine. Yeah, I'd say it's such a science this FCC stuff. It makes perfect sense. All right, Jake. Yeah. We don't care that much.

1:16:39 Caller Rubber nosing.

1:16:40 Drew But what is... Yeah.

1:16:41 Adam Female orgasm incontinence.

1:16:43 Drew Well, did she have an orgasm?

1:16:46 Caller No, she's almost there, though.

1:16:47 Adam Yeah.

1:16:47 Drew Almost there. All right, so that was it.

1:16:50 Adam You're doing your work.

1:16:51 Drew Yeah. And the strategy of the 11 wine coolers before you got your hand up her skirt probably didn't pay off that night. All right, Jake.

1:17:00 Caller All right, man.

1:17:01 Drew What kind of truck is it?

1:17:02 Caller It's an S10.

1:17:04 Drew Oh, a Chevy man, huh?

1:17:05 Caller Yeah.

1:17:06 Drew Drew, you wouldn't even know what that was, would you?

1:17:08 Adam I kind of I would.

1:17:09 Drew I like the guys who get in arguments. I'm a Mopar man. Dodge, huh? I'm Chevy. Screw you. I'll kick your ass. Chevy, son of a. Ford. Ford rules. Are you kidding? Ford could like, Henry Ford could beat the crap out of Bob Dodge or John Chevrolet or whatever those dudes are. Are they getting like fist fights in the stands of the Monster Truck Bulls? That's how you know you're right when you're fighting over an engine make. Yeah, that's good. All right. We'll take a little break, Face to Face, our guest and we'll hear something from them. And also when we come back, we'll talk to Armando's 25, why does wife always want to have threesomes after this?

1:17:53 Caller Hello, who is this?

1:17:55 Adam This is Loveline.

1:17:56 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline will be right back.

1:18:22 Drew Indeed, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That's my friend and partner, Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Trevor and Scott are both here from Face to Face. Reactionary is the name of the new CD. They will be at the House of Blues the 24th, 25th, and 26th.

1:18:41 Adam We should play the song.

1:18:42 Drew Of this month, that is a Thursday, Thursday, and Thursday. Three consecutive Thursdays, although we had one day apart.

1:18:49 Face to Face We had the Pope.

1:18:50 Drew It's very interesting.

1:18:51 Face to Face Sanction that for us.

1:18:52 Drew That's right.

1:18:53 Face to Face Just for you listeners out there.

1:18:54 Drew We actually changed the calendar around just for Face to Face. Again, 24th, 25th, 26th. Again, I think that's a Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Is that what we figured out?

1:19:03 Face to Face Yeah. There's one and a half tickets left for the show, for each of the shows.

1:19:07 Drew Is the House of Blues, I like the House of Blues. Is it a good place to play?

1:19:11 Face to Face We've never played the one in Hollywood, but we have played the one in New Orleans before. It's awesome. It's great.

1:19:17 Drew To me, it seems like the House of Blues in New Orleans is the real House of Blues.

1:19:22 Face to Face Yeah.

1:19:23 Drew You know what I mean?

1:19:23 Face to Face The original. Even though I think it started in Chicago.

1:19:26 Drew It probably did, but it just feels weird.

1:19:28 Face to Face But it feels right there in New Orleans to do it.

1:19:32 Drew Right. Well, the one in, but you've seen other gigs at the one in LA. Yeah. Sure. Right?

1:19:37 Face to Face Yeah.

1:19:37 Drew So it'd be good to play there.

1:19:38 Face to Face It's great.

1:19:38 Adam Why don't we hear a song now?

1:19:40 Drew You want to do that?

1:19:40 Adam Yeah.

1:19:41 Drew No. Yeah. No, I know it would seem like a good segue, but I just want to ask Armando about this threesome, and then we'll hear a song. Drew, what do you want to do? Do you want to make a phone call?

1:19:52 Adam No, no. No, no, no.

1:19:53 Drew What's up?

1:19:54 Adam No.

1:19:54 Drew All right. Armando?

1:19:55 Caller Hey.

1:19:56 Drew You're 25?

1:19:57 Caller Yes.

1:19:57 Face to Face Yeah. All right.

1:19:58 Drew Drew, you're right. That's good radio. Your wife wants to have threesomes?

1:20:02 Caller No, we do have threesomes.

1:20:03 Drew Oh, you do have threesomes? That's good. You don't want to, but you do.

1:20:07 Face to Face Is it two? Yeah, two guys or two girls?

1:20:09 Caller What's that?

1:20:10 Drew Two guys in her or two girls?

1:20:13 Caller Two girls and myself, and that's it.

1:20:15 Drew Okay. Hold on a second. Good. That's good radio. You know, we call this a tease. We're going to hear something from Face to Face, then we'll get back to the very miserable Armando, who has two chicks, one penis, and a real dilemma on his hands. All right. This one is called You Could Have Had Everything for Armando. Thank you. Thank you very much. That's another good song from Face to Face. Off of their reactionary CD. Out in stores today, and again, House of Blues 24th, 25th, 26th. Out in LA by the way. And when we left off, we were speaking to Armando.

1:23:02 Caller Hey.

1:23:02 Drew Armando's 25, he's having threesomes. How many threesomes have you had with your wife?

1:23:07 Caller Too many to count.

1:23:10 Adam Who is the other person?

1:23:11 Drew Is it really too many to count?

1:23:12 Caller Yes, I'm serious.

1:23:13 Drew Because I can count like 35, 36. You know what I mean?

1:23:18 Caller It's a high output number.

1:23:20 Drew Is it 15?

1:23:22 Caller No, it's more than 15.

1:23:23 Face to Face You sound really bummed. Can I inquire as to why?

1:23:26 Caller Well, I'm not bummed about it. It's just the fact. Have you guys have threesomes yourself?

1:23:31 Drew Oh, sure. We're all set up.

1:23:34 Face to Face I'm not legally allowed to talk about it. But we're talking about you right now.

1:23:38 Caller All right, hey, but, all right, see what, I don't mind threesomes, but I want to have an intimate time with just ourselves sometimes.

1:23:46 Drew Right, right. Your wife's a little whacked out.

1:23:50 Adam She's either sabotaging their relationship because she can't tolerate intimacy, or she's actually lesbian and can't sort of come to terms with that.

1:23:58 Face to Face Or perhaps she's really eager to please and it's just a misfire. She's trying to make you happy and it just isn't working.

1:24:04 Drew She wouldn't do that.

1:24:05 Adam She wouldn't do that 50 times if she's getting more and more unhappy.

1:24:07 Face to Face Or a hundred times. Oh, right.

1:24:09 Caller Correction.

1:24:09 Drew Armando, is it really, is it 40 times you've done this?

1:24:13 Caller No, we do it a lot. She works at a tanning salon. It's not the same part.

1:24:20 Drew Excuse me, I have to masturbate.

1:24:22 Caller What's that?

1:24:23 Drew I'm sorry, I got to drop my pants.

1:24:23 Face to Face Give us a second, Armando.

1:24:25 Caller All right.

1:24:25 Face to Face Yeah, much better.

1:24:26 Drew You put your Gallagher Ponchos on.

1:24:28 Adam Wait, slow down. You done?

1:24:30 Drew I would have been if you didn't chime in. I was right there. She works at a tanning salon?

1:24:35 Caller Yes. But see, like I said before, I want to spend my own intimate time with her.

1:24:40 Adam Of course.

1:24:40 Caller And I thought it was me myself that maybe it's me I can't please her and she's another partner.

1:24:44 Drew No, no.

1:24:45 Caller But after bringing another guy and she said she would not do that.

1:24:48 Adam Man, women don't work like that.

1:24:49 Face to Face Do you ever have straight sex between the two of you or is it?

1:24:53 Caller Yeah, it is great, but it gets tiring after a while, you know.

1:24:56 Face to Face For you?

1:24:57 Adam With the other person there?

1:24:59 Caller Just having threesomes.

1:25:00 Face to Face No, I'm talking about are you guys having sex just the two of you at all, your wife?

1:25:04 Caller No, no.

1:25:04 Face to Face Or is it always a threesome? It's always a threesome.

1:25:07 Caller Yeah, it's always a threesome.

1:25:08 Drew Do you get to have sex with the women too?

1:25:10 Caller Yes, I do.

1:25:11 Drew Really, really, really, where do you... I understand she works at a tanning salon, but that still doesn't explain everything. I mean, every third customer who comes in there has sex with you and your wife?

1:25:23 Face to Face Ultraviolet, right? It's not like that.

1:25:25 Caller No, it's not like that.

1:25:26 Drew Where does she find all of these women?

1:25:30 Caller I figured the tanning salon, she's friends with the business owner, and I don't know how she brings it on to them.

1:25:38 Adam You're on to something here.

1:25:39 Caller What's that?

1:25:40 Adam Adam. Yeah, maybe she's tapped into a community that he doesn't know about.

1:25:44 Drew Oh, there's a little underground sort of swingers thing going on at the, I gotta get in one of these tanning places. And it's true because they have memberships and things.

1:25:54 Adam Or even more, maybe she just is into a community that he doesn't know that she's attached to. Not necessarily even at the tanning club that she just has.

1:26:03 Drew Oh, you're saying like a gated community.

1:26:05 Adam No, like a gay community.

1:26:06 Drew Oh, I see.

1:26:07 Adam Like gated.

1:26:07 Drew Not a gated community. All right, listen, Armando, so Armando's wife's a little whacked. She's got some issues. Yeah, it's a little messy. And Armando, you're going to have to tell her that you'd like to.

1:26:21 Adam This ain't working. This ain't working. He's got to tell her that.

1:26:24 Drew Right.

1:26:25 Adam And I don't think it can be undone without some professional intervention. Yeah.

1:26:28 Drew Yeah. It's a weird conversation. It's like telling your butler you're tired of eating off of silver platters. You'd like to.

1:26:36 Adam This just doesn't work in lights.

1:26:37 Drew Conversation you never really pictured yourself having when you were in high school. One day I'm going to have to pull my wife aside and work at the tan salon until I stop bringing home chicks from work so I can bang the bejesus out of both of them. You guys ever think you never prepare yourself to ever run through that conversation? No.

1:26:55 Face to Face I've practiced it over and over in my mind.

1:27:00 Drew Right. That and accepting the Heisman Award were the two speeches that I'd worked on throughout high school. Dante?

1:27:09 Caller Yeah.

1:27:11 Drew You're 17?

1:27:12 Caller Yeah. First, I just want to tell you Adam and Drew love in the show. I honestly haven't heard of the band before, but from the stuff I heard tonight, pretty good band. Oh, good.

1:27:23 Drew Thanks.

1:27:23 Caller Thanks. And plus, I want to thank you guys for helping me out with the last time I called. They helped me clear up a lot of things with my mother and everything.

1:27:34 Adam Oh, cool.

1:27:35 Drew When was that?

1:27:37 Caller I called about two, two and a half months ago, and I was the one that had the problem where my girlfriend's mother walked in on us having a threesome with another guy. Oh. Yeah.

1:27:50 Drew Armando?

1:27:52 Adam No.

1:27:53 Drew Does the guy have a thong tan line?

1:27:57 Caller No, I don't think so.

1:27:58 Drew Not that guy?

1:27:59 Caller Okay.

1:28:01 Drew All right. So anyway, where are you at now, Dante?

1:28:05 Caller Right now, I'm still living at home, but in about a couple of weeks, I'm about to move out.

1:28:11 Face to Face We mean in the relationship.

1:28:12 Drew That's right. Figuratively, yes.

1:28:14 Caller In the relationship, we split. She ended up getting pregnant by a cousin of mine.

1:28:22 Face to Face Wow.

1:28:23 Drew Well, at least it was in the family.

1:28:25 Caller Of course.

1:28:25 Drew And is she going to have the child?

1:28:28 Caller No. All right.

1:28:29 Drew Good. So what is your question for tonight?

1:28:34 Caller Well, a problem we always had was about a year and a half ago, I started to notice that there were wrinkles starting to form on the head of my penis. And I was just wondering, like, what could have caused something like that and how to, like, get rid of it.

1:28:53 Face to Face You lost your erection.

1:28:55 Drew Yeah. That's where wrinkles kick in. So the same wrinkles that you find on a balloon when the air comes out of it. Drew, what are the wrinkles on the head of the penis?

1:29:04 Adam I'm not even quite sure what he's talking about. There's a certain amount of wrinkling that's normal. Maybe it's just getting older. How old is he now? 17. Maybe it's just as you get older, you get more wrinkles in your hands.

1:29:12 Drew You don't get wrinkles at 17.

1:29:14 Adam No, but I mean, they're-

1:29:16 Drew Listen, I wouldn't know from that because I've put the equivalent of 40, 50 gallon drums of Nivea on my Johnson over the past 20 years.

1:29:28 Face to Face You've got some moisturizer or something.

1:29:30 Adam Last night you declared that you're not a cream guy.

1:29:32 Drew I know. I'm a dry man. I decide that's a very slippery slope.

1:29:36 Face to Face Well, most guys go through the cream phase.

1:29:39 Drew We all go through the cream phase. Sure, we experiment. We try to find ourselves.

1:29:43 Face to Face But for economics, because when you're done, the last thing you want is to be cleaning up cream and have everyone smelling that one of your hands smells beautiful.

1:29:50 Drew That's great. Yeah, it's like his right hand and his nards both smell like aloe. What's up?

1:29:58 Adam I suppose Dante could undergo a little lift. They put a little scar behind the corona head.

1:30:03 Drew Right, or they shoot that poison in there.

1:30:07 Adam Collagen, some collagen.

1:30:08 Drew I know, I'm talking about the stuff that paralyzes.

1:30:10 Adam Botox.

1:30:11 Drew The botox.

1:30:12 Adam So when it frowns, it doesn't crease.

1:30:14 Drew Hey Dante, you really have wrinkles?

1:30:18 Caller It creases.

1:30:20 Drew What about when you... Well, a lot of women find that distinguishing. And what about when you have an erection?

1:30:28 Caller They start to like kind of fade out.

1:30:30 Adam I think it's just you're aging. Your hands get more creases.

1:30:34 Face to Face If the symptom was accompanied with abrasions, pus, blood, you name it.

1:30:39 Adam No, don't worry about it, Dante.

1:30:43 Drew How closely... Really, you're focusing too much on the penis. All right, we're going to take a little break. Face to Face, our guest, when we come back, we will speak to Debbie, wants to know... I don't like that question. You got anything good? Nothing? Oh, AJ, yeah, thinks his girlfriend fakes orgasms. He's 15, for Christ's sake. We'll be back after this. It's a Love Line by Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew. We have Trever, who's the life partner, Scott, here.

1:31:48 Face to Face Non-state recognized.

1:31:50 Drew How's your life partner doing?

1:31:51 Adam Did he get what he needed? I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying.

1:31:57 Drew I don't know what you're saying.

1:31:58 Adam I don't know what you're saying.

1:32:00 Drew Oh, Jimmy, yeah. Yeah, I seem to get that information. I'm actually, yeah, he's doing good. Saw him today. He's in good form.

1:32:08 Adam He's writing the screenplay for you?

1:32:13 Drew Yeah, we got a meeting with Ivan Reitman's people tomorrow, and not much to show him, so he suggested we get to work on it today, and then I got a call that the inspector was at my garage and not passing it, so I had to cut out, and run down there and start yelling for a while and then come back again.

1:32:30 Adam Oh, my God.

1:32:31 Drew I think he'd like me to prioritize.

1:32:34 Adam This is that going to class and wanting to do everything and then accepting the B.

1:32:38 Drew I tell Jimmy, hey, without the framing of the garage, none of this would be possible, and then I realized, no, wait a minute, I think it's the other way around. I should probably focus a little on the screenplay, but he's a genius and he's a good typer, so I let him carry the ball. AJ?

1:32:56 Caller Yeah?

1:32:57 Drew You're 15?

1:32:58 Caller 16.

1:32:59 Drew 16. What's up?

1:33:01 Caller Yeah, my girlfriend, I think she faked orgasm.

1:33:04 Drew Yeah, why?

1:33:05 Caller Because she made money growing, but I don't feel it.

1:33:12 Adam What don't you feel?

1:33:13 Caller The pleasure that she feels.

1:33:15 Adam What don't you feel?

1:33:17 Caller Like the good feeling that I usually get.

1:33:20 Adam What is your feeling that having anything to do with her having orgasm?

1:33:24 Caller Well, don't you like have the same feeling before you tell me, like?

1:33:28 Adam AJ?

1:33:28 Caller Yeah.

1:33:29 Drew You want to have an orgasm at the same time?

1:33:32 Adam They just totaled this a BS call from the top to bottom.

1:33:34 Drew Oh, really?

1:33:35 Adam Yeah.

1:33:35 Drew All right. Hey, we don't believe you, AJ. Unless you can articulate yourself a little better.

1:33:43 Adam Uh-huh.

1:33:43 Drew Okay.

1:33:44 Face to Face Perhaps it's Musk now.

1:33:46 Adam Listen, his thing is she's faking orgasm because I don't feel it. I don't feel an orgasm when she's having one. That's his perception is that her having an orgasm will trigger him to have one.

1:33:57 Drew No, I think he meant he should be feeling some physical sensation.

1:34:01 Face to Face Physical contracting of the vent.

1:34:03 Adam You didn't say that though.

1:34:04 Drew I know, but we have to interpret a lot.

1:34:07 Adam Well, ask him.

1:34:08 Face to Face Well, he's young right now.

1:34:09 Drew AJ? Yeah. Do you mean, which do you mean?

1:34:14 Caller Like, well, she makes the face gestures and she's like, AJ, AJ, but it's like, I don't think she's really telling the truth.

1:34:23 Adam Why?

1:34:25 Caller Because she's like, I feel it. It feels like she's not even telling the truth.

1:34:31 Drew Because, oh, I see because it feels like she's not telling the truth. That's why it feels like she's not telling the truth. You can't articulate yourself any better than that. That's my least favorite drop of this whole goddamn show.

1:34:43 Caller She don't want to hurt my feelings or something like that.

1:34:45 Drew All right. Well, just assume she's faking. And AJ, just assume everyone's faking all the time from this point on, okay?

1:34:52 Caller Okay.

1:34:52 Drew All right.

1:34:53 Adam There you go. Maybe she used a condom. Make sure she has birth control. Yeah. Don't worry about the orgasm right now.

1:34:58 Drew Hey, and listen, I really, to me, a fake orgasm is like an insincere compliment. Don't care. If someone comes up to me and says, hey, you look great. Your haircut looks nice. Fine. Do they mean it? Don't care. Don't care. It's the same thing. You fake it? Fine. James?

1:35:20 Caller Yeah.

1:35:20 Drew You're 20.

1:35:21 Caller Okay. I was wondering, if a gay guy approaches you or makes overtones in public, what's the proper thing to do? I mean, to reject them?

1:35:31 Adam Give us a specific example.

1:35:33 Drew I say pile driver. You're a wrestling fan?

1:35:36 Caller That's what I was thinking, yeah.

1:35:37 Adam Come on. Specific example.

1:35:39 Caller Sitting at a restaurant, having a conversation with somebody, gay guy I've seen before walks by, makes a totally rude stare, or gay guy sits by you and puts his hands in his lap.

1:35:54 Drew In his lap?

1:35:56 Caller In his lap, yeah.

1:35:57 Drew Pretending to spread his napkin out, but you really know what he's doing.

1:36:00 Face to Face Has anyone actually said anything to you? Are you just assuming all this?

1:36:03 Adam James, James, you are paranoid.

1:36:06 Caller No, no, not, I don't think I am.

1:36:08 Adam Do you believe that because men are gay, they're going to somehow become predators, they're going to come out and go after you?

1:36:14 Face to Face If I were you-

1:36:15 Caller I think, well, no, I think that in certain instances, they might, right, yeah, I think they do.

1:36:22 Face to Face If I were you, I would ignore it until someone actually said something.

1:36:26 Adam James, gay men don't do that. But why would they want to do that? They know you're not gay. What, they want to get their ass kicked or what would they be thinking?

1:36:34 Caller Well, either, either, either they assume I'm gay or...

1:36:38 Adam Even, listen, gay men have to deal with guys like you all the time. And the last thing they want to do is trigger anything, any unpleasantness from you.

1:36:47 Caller Right, well, if you're, if you're saying I'm imagining it, that's not true. Because I know for a fact, like, today this guy is like a hairdresser, totally like interrupted a conversation just by like how he was acting.

1:37:00 Adam Hey, but so what? So what? Do you ever do?

1:37:03 Face to Face Gay people got to flirt too, you know.

1:37:05 Caller Right.

1:37:06 Face to Face Just ignore it if it's bothering you.

1:37:08 Adam Yeah, unless somebody actually is predatory or disrespectful in some real substantial way. They violate your body space, your personal space or something, then you ask them, hey, stop.

1:37:20 Caller Right.

1:37:21 Adam But, you know, there's a weird, men are very...

1:37:25 Drew Oh, who cares? Hey, Trevor.

1:37:27 Adam Well, I get upset with this because I want to protect gay men when I hear this kind of stuff. This is what they have to deal with.

1:37:31 Drew Trevor, you're 20. You can't, this is all you figured out in life. You know what I mean? How do you get along every day?

1:37:38 Caller Trevor, it's not...

1:37:40 Drew I mean, James, sorry. I mean, how do you...

1:37:41 Face to Face How does Trevor get along?

1:37:43 Drew I'm sorry, Trevor. How do you get along? Do you know what I'm saying?

1:37:47 Caller I get along all right.

1:37:49 Face to Face Where are you hanging out with the gay hairdressers, exactly?

1:37:52 Caller You know, I'm not hanging out with them. It's like downtown of my city.

1:37:57 Face to Face Oh, I see.

1:37:58 Adam Well, you're just a little too anxious about this stuff. People have their own proclivities. That's theirs. You got yours.

1:38:05 Drew It always worries me when a guy worries a little too much about that, too.

1:38:09 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:38:09 Face to Face A simple no thank you is usually sufficient.

1:38:11 Adam But what is it in him that he's so afraid of?

1:38:14 Drew Protecting something. They do those tests with those tumescence monitors. We have brought this up for a while. Do they have a tumescence monitor for everything? Oh, right.

1:38:23 Adam Well, tumescence just means something.

1:38:26 Drew But they don't put it anywhere but your dork though, do they?

1:38:29 Adam Dork tumescence monitor.

1:38:30 Drew They don't have a nasal tumescence monitor, do they?

1:38:32 Adam The DTMs, the dork tumescence monitor.

1:38:34 Drew Right. And what they do is they put these things on your Johnson and then they show you Gay Erotica. I did it once just to see the Gay Erotica.

1:38:45 Adam Who is they?

1:38:46 Drew Free Gay Porn. Who are they? You know, the college people.

1:38:48 Adam Kinsey Institute.

1:38:49 Drew Yeah. And they find that the guys that are the Gay Basher seem to have a little more reaction to the Gay Erotica than the non-Gay bashing strength guys.

1:39:00 Face to Face Fairly predictable.

1:39:01 Drew Which is pretty predictable, but also sort of felt.

1:39:04 Adam It's hard for me to relate or understand why men would have an issue with other men being gay. I'm like, so what? Why does that bother you?

1:39:11 Drew To me, it's funny. The guy's blowing a guy. But other than that, I could care less. Less competition for me. Like I said, more recycling. Just better all-around citizens, except for the parades. But good citizens, if you look at it. The gays, they make good citizens because they're very civically minded. You know what I mean? They're always doing something. They're always trying to clean something up or restore something.

1:39:39 Face to Face They're always trying to pick on young people, just trying to have a good time.

1:39:43 Drew Yeah, besides the way they put their hands in their laps.

1:39:49 Face to Face And look at you.

1:39:49 Face to Face That's very offensive.

1:39:50 Drew And the way they look at you. I mean, not in the eye, but you can tell when they're staring at the back of your neck, when they're walking past you at the cafeteria. Sean? You're 23? What is up?

1:40:05 Caller Well, my question was, I'm trying to figure out why my girlfriend wants to just constantly give me a blowjob but doesn't want to have sex.

1:40:13 Adam Is she a virgin?

1:40:14 Caller What's that?

1:40:14 Adam Is she a virgin?

1:40:15 Caller Not that I know of.

1:40:16 Adam OK.

1:40:17 Face to Face Are you particularly large?

1:40:20 Caller What's that?

1:40:20 Adam She's not ready to have sex. How long have you been dealing with her?

1:40:23 Caller For about six, seven months now.

1:40:26 Adam And you haven't asked her why not?

1:40:27 Drew Who cares?

1:40:28 Adam Ask her.

1:40:28 Drew Just ask her. Radio's up too, lying on the back.

1:40:30 Adam Just ask what's up.

1:40:31 Drew Hey, just go with it. What the hell?

1:40:33 Adam Well, I understand the blow job is the peak of the sexualization pyramid for you, but some people prefer, or would at least like to experience it.

1:40:41 Drew Here's what the BJ is for me. That's you're having sex, but you ain't burning a calorie. You know what I mean? It's like you're having sex and napping at the same time.

1:40:51 Adam And watching TV probably.

1:40:52 Drew What could be better? Yes. You're being sexed on. Do you know what I mean?

1:40:57 Adam Yeah. There's other ways to do that with genital contact too.

1:41:00 Caller Huh? What is that?

1:41:02 Drew Genital contact? Yeah. I'm not familiar with that.

1:41:05 Face to Face How old is your girlfriend?

1:41:06 Drew Oh, who cares? We're going to commercial. She's 14, though. We'll take a break.

1:41:12 Caller Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:41:15 Face to Face I'm back in a minute.

1:41:46 Drew All right, let me give you guys some face-to-face dates. Reaction Air is the name of the CD, by the way. August 23rd, San Diego, 24th, 25th, 26th, in Los Angeles at the House of Blues. 27th will be in Phoenix. The 30th will be in Dallas. And then September 8th, Philadelphia. New York on the 9th, DC, Washington DC. On the 10th of September, 11th, Philadelphia. The 14th, Detroit, and 15th, Chicago. So, we're in all those places.

1:42:18 Face to Face We're actually on a 7 week tour. It starts in San Diego. So you can check it out at our website, facetofacemusic.com. All the dates are up there.

1:42:26 Drew Look for the guys coming to a town near you.

1:42:29 Face to Face Without making you read all 45 shows.

1:42:31 Drew There you go. Trevor, Scott, thanks a lot for coming in again.

1:42:34 Face to Face Thanks a lot guys.

1:42:34 Face to Face Good to see you guys.

1:42:35 Drew Good to see you guys. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying Mahalo.

1:42:41 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, August 15, 2000