Episode 1000754887069

3:02 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Love Line Coast to Coast.

3:17 Drew Whoops, here we are. Oh, Adam is off a great start. Well, it's Loveline. Adam, want to use this mic over here?

3:24 Adam Here you go.

3:25 Here you go.

3:27 Adam There you go. To be fair to the engineers over here at Westwood 1, that only happens one out every three or four shows where the show begins and the mic doesn't work. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew pounding on the mic over there. Listen, you guys are lucky I don't give a rat's ass about this show. Phone number 1-800-LAV-191, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Tonight from Whose Line Is It Anyway? The big hit show on NBC hosted by ABC. Oh, I mean ABC. Is it ABC.? I'll write that down. Hosted by, of course, Drew Carey is Brad Sherwood is here, and Brad doing comedy without a net, doing improvisational comedy. Very, a very difficult thing that only a few comedians can say they excel at, and Brad is one of them.

4:29 Brad Sherwood I'm just happy to have a working mic.

4:32 Adam That's pretty exciting, isn't it?

4:33 Brad Sherwood Yeah. Drew's got mic envy right now.

4:36 Adam You're part of a very elite Westwood 1 fraternity.

4:40 Brad Sherwood 66%, I believe.

4:41 Adam Guys who have the working mic. And you know what I like about improv guys, Drew? Smart. Oh, yeah. Smart? Uh-oh. Sorry. OK, sorry. I didn't mean to use it. Well, wait a minute. Oh, no. This doesn't work. OK. Well, Anderson's a plum out of ideas. Thank god Drew doesn't contribute to the show, therefore he doesn't need a mic. As a matter of fact, Drew, I was thinking of getting you just a styrofoam mic so you could have something in your hand, feel like you're doing something. You get your kid that little fake phone when they're three or four years old.

5:09 Drew I like that Johnny Carson mic though.

5:10 Adam There, I'm on.

5:12 Hello.

5:14 Adam All right. So what I was saying about Brad is he seems like a smart guy so I see an easy show for me.

5:22 Drew Yeah.

5:22 Adam I don't feel like I'm going to be toeing the line. Also, you can find him over at the Improv on Melrose every Thursday night with Drew Carey and Ryan Stiles and I'm guessing.

5:34 Drew Every Thursday, all of you guys?

5:35 Brad Sherwood Yeah.

5:35 Drew That's cool.

5:36 Adam Doing an improvisational jam.

5:37 Brad Sherwood It's kind of who's line blue. We get to do stuff in a live club in front of drunk people.

5:43 Adam Yeah, and use profanity. I've done my fair share of improv and I always enjoyed it but I never enjoyed watching it. I was always uncomfortable watching other people do it. Because if they were good, I was jealous, and if they're bad, it was boring.

5:56 Drew The truth is out.

5:57 Adam Well, I'm honest. How f'd up can I be? You know what I'm saying?

6:01 Drew Very.

6:02 Adam Brad also will be hosting TalkSoup coming up this Wednesday, day after tomorrow.

6:07 Brad Sherwood Yeah. Then that airs five times during the day.

6:10 Drew Have they invited you back for that several times?

6:11 Brad Sherwood This is actually the first of my maiden voyage.

6:13 Drew They'll invite you back. Adam.

6:15 Adam They want to f it up and they'll invite you back.

6:17 Drew You've been invited back?

6:18 Adam Yes, I have. Thank you, wise ass one. I have done it since we've did it.

6:23 Drew You did it with Jimmy and then that was it. They had enough of you.

6:26 Adam No, I did it with you and they had enough of me. And then a year later, they got desperate and wised up and then Jimmy and I did it.

6:33 Drew And then they really had enough.

6:35 Adam Now they've wised up.

6:36 Drew Okay.

6:36 Brad Sherwood I didn't really mean to start a problem.

6:38 Adam Well, I'm sorry.

6:39 Brad Sherwood There was a little bitter talk soup thing.

6:41 Adam Small debacle last time I did it, which was if anyone ever watches that show Talk Soup, it's all written on a teleprompter and if it seems like some of the people are reading, it's because they're doing just that. And I just didn't like to read the teleprompter, A, because I can't read, and B, because I can't read. So I figured let's just wing it. So I told them to clear the teleprompter. To be fair to them, it was only about 44 times, maybe 45 times, and they never did it. And so I sort of yelled at them for not doing it, and they got their feathers out of shape. But that's all right. All right, so Brad.

7:18 Brad Sherwood Now I'm looking forward to it.

7:19 Adam Yeah, no, it's a fun experience, it's good, and they generally have pretty good writing. And just sit there. Can you read?

7:26 Brad Sherwood No.

7:26 Drew Oh, could be a problem.

7:28 Adam That's trouble.

7:29 Brad Sherwood Pictures.

7:29 Adam Brad, anything else besides the big Thursday night Whose Line Is It Anyway episodes? And not that there has to be, but am I missing anything?

7:39 Brad Sherwood No, that's not the only thing I've got going on. Looking for work.

7:41 Adam And how does that show work? I mean, is it completely improvisational? Do you have any idea what's coming up?

7:48 Brad Sherwood It's absolutely improvised. We actually have a rehearsal that day, and we only have it for camera blocking. And the only thing we know is what order we may go into a game. Like, if all four of us are in it and one person enters, we just know who's going in first. We don't know any of the other suggestions.

8:02 Adam And the show originated in England, right? And was it on? Is it ten years old?

8:06 Brad Sherwood It was on in England for ten seasons, yeah. And I did three of the seasons there.

8:09 Adam That's pretty good.

8:10 Brad Sherwood It was a top rated show there.

8:11 Drew You did three seasons in England?

8:13 Brad Sherwood Yeah. I actually did one in England and shot one in Los Angeles and one in New York. But the year I went to England, Ryan had been on the show for a couple of years, and it was like walking around with Elvis in London.

8:24 Adam Oh, really?

8:24 Brad Sherwood Yeah, because he's 6'6, and he's so famous in London. It was just unreal.

8:29 Adam And what are we on? Season 3 out here?

8:34 Brad Sherwood Yeah, this is the third season we're going into.

8:35 Adam I know a lot about this show, Drew. It's pretty good, right?

8:38 Yeah.

8:39 Adam And Drew Carey, how is he? I've never met him.

8:41 Brad Sherwood He's great.

8:41 You never met him?

8:42 Adam Have I met him?

8:44 Drew He did the TV show.

8:45 Adam Oh, Drew did the TV show? Yeah. He's a great guy. Very funny, very quick.

8:48 Drew I remember standing in your dressing room with him.

8:50 Adam Let me tell you a story about Drew Carey. Drew came into my dressing room shortly before. I don't know. I don't remember meeting him. Oh, my God. Was he on the TV show?

9:00 Yes.

9:00 Adam What season? Last season?

9:02 Last year.

9:02 Adam Oh, that's right. He's a delight.

9:04 Brad Sherwood He's actually, I always say he's the nicest millionaire I know. He's such a generous guy. He took us on this big cruise this spring. It was amazing.

9:11 Drew I just remember him. We were dealing with the usual fair at Loveline of some stripper calling in about being abused. He was like, how can be so hard on my friends? I can't get out of these people. Why are you criticizing them? Well, you took it very personally.

9:22 Adam That's right. I remember that episode vividly as if it was yesterday. And you're right. Well, to be fair, he may have taken you on a luxury cruise, but MTV sent me hunting socks one year for Christmas.

9:33 Brad Sherwood I got those great hunting socks. Yeah. The gray ones with the snowflake on the bottom.

9:36 Adam From MTV?

9:37 Brad Sherwood Yes.

9:38 Adam Oh, they're sending everyone socks.

9:40 Drew You thought it was just you.

9:42 Adam Well, wait, did you get two socks? Because I got two.

9:44 Brad Sherwood I got the left and the right.

9:45 Oh, for Christ's sake.

9:47 Adam I got to get my agent on the phone.

9:49 Brad Sherwood But the logo is on the same side of each sock, so you really don't feel like you've got a pair.

9:54 Drew I didn't get socks.

9:55 Adam You didn't get socks that year. You missed that. Well, you were a bad boy. You don't deserve them. All right. Stephanie?

10:01 Yes?

10:01 Adam You're 16?

10:03 Caller Yeah.

10:03 Adam What's up?

10:05 Caller My mom and my stepdad kicked me out of the house because they said it's my fault that they were having sexual problems.

10:15 Drew How is that?

10:17 Adam Yeah.

10:18 Caller They just, my stepdad, he's a nympho, and he just, he blames it on me and my brother.

10:28 Adam I see.

10:29 Drew What, just the fact that you're present, it sort of breaks his stride?

10:32 Caller I guess.

10:33 Drew Yeah.

10:34 Adam Do you think this went down this way at all?

10:36 Drew No.

10:36 Adam No. Absolutely not.

10:38 Drew Well, either that or I want to just, she's living with two psychotic parents.

10:42 Adam Well, that's probably true, but I'm sure they cited other reasons other than you're distracting him when he's trying to bang mama. Now what was the real reason? What are you doing? Did he catch you with some pot in your room? You're acting out? You're getting in trouble at school?

10:57 Caller What's going on? I've never, I've been suspended once.

11:00 Drew For what?

11:01 Caller I've never got drunk.

11:03 Drew What were you suspended for?

11:05 Caller I threw a snowball. I've never been a troublemaker.

11:10 Adam It was in July, though, and that's where the trouble came in.

11:12 Drew What else was happening at home that upset this lovely gentleman so much?

11:18 Caller He must have some problems. My grandma thinks he has some problems. I'm living with my grandma now.

11:23 Adam I see. Where's your real dad?

11:26 Caller He's out of the picture. He doesn't pay child support. I've seen him a couple of times here lately.

11:33 Adam Okay. So your mom doesn't pick great guys?

11:36 Caller Oh, no.

11:37 Adam She picked another bad guy.

11:39 Caller Yeah.

11:39 Adam So now you're living with grandma. And even though it smells funny in her house, she's sane?

11:45 Caller Oh, no. She's really clean. She's really cool.

11:48 Right. Okay.

11:49 Adam Good. Problem solved. Stay with grandma for a couple of years. Study hard and go off to college.

11:54 Caller I was wondering if there was any way I could improve my mom's relationship with me.

11:59 Drew With you?

12:00 Caller Yeah.

12:01 Drew Well, I'll tell you what. I don't see how you can come back from this kind of a violation. I don't have strong enough words for this.

12:13 Adam Drew, you'd be good on whose line is it anyway.

12:15 Drew But she really should let you down in a big way. And she is not standing up.

12:20 Caller She's never been real good to me.

12:21 Drew All right.

12:22 Adam Good. Let your mom.

12:23 Drew She's good.

12:23 Adam Let her come back to you, Stephanie.

12:26 Drew Don't try to change her. Don't expect this relationship to be better than it is. Thank God you've got a caring grandmother and really focused on taking care of yourself.

12:33 Adam And listen, write your folks off. That's what I did. Do it early. It's good. It's very liberating. You get to do whatever you want. All right. Don't piss grandma off.

12:43 Caller Yeah.

12:43 Adam Get your grades up and go off to some lesbian college.

12:46 Caller All right?

12:48 Caller I think.

12:48 Caller All right.

12:49 Adam All right. So there's horrible parenting going on in this country.

12:55 Brad Sherwood They were the ones smoking or drinking.

12:57 Drew Almost undoubtedly.

12:58 Adam I'm sure they're doing something. Although I'm sure it didn't go down exactly that way. I'm sure stepdad didn't pull Stephanie aside and explain that you're screwing up my stride sexually.

13:09 Brad Sherwood Well, she described him as a nympho. That's the adjective for your stepfather.

13:15 Adam Yeah.

13:15 Drew The whole thing is scary.

13:17 Adam Matt?

13:18 Yeah.

13:19 Adam You're 14?

13:20 Caller Yeah.

13:20 Adam What's up?

13:23 Caller Well, I've never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl before, but I masturbate constantly and I get cuts all the time and I'm wondering if I'm doing it wrong.

13:36 Drew Get cuts?

13:37 Caller Yeah.

13:37 Drew Where?

13:40 Caller All over.

13:41 Adam You got to take that graduation ring off before you go in on yourself. I had this problem too.

13:46 Drew You mean you cause like a dermatitis, you irritate your skin so much that it starts to crack?

13:51 Caller Well, I mean, I don't know. I mean, there's just cuts everywhere on the top, on the sides.

14:01 Adam Well, hold on a second. I think he's full of crap.

14:04 Drew Well, hang on.

14:05 Adam Really?

14:05 Drew Maybe he's using something that's actually reacting to him, some sort of skin reaction.

14:08 Adam You're not using Prel, are you, Matt? It's a big mistake I made in junior high.

14:12 Brad Sherwood Do not use Vicks Vaporub.

14:14 Adam Oh, what are you using? Are you using a lubrication?

14:18 Caller No, I'm not even using anything.

14:19 Adam All right, why don't you get some lubrication happening?

14:23 Caller But why is this causing it?

14:26 Adam Well, you're doing it so often that you're irritating yourself. Okay, let me do this. We haven't spoken about this in about a half hour, but substitute your penis for your arm for one second. God, I wish I could do that. And you take your arm and you grab onto it, and you just vigorously work it three, four, five times a day, every day, 20 minutes at a time, you know? Just clamp your other hand onto your wrist and you guys are enjoying this much, and really work that arm. And then after about three months of that, look at your arm. See if there's a little chafing, some redness, some cutting. You've worn the hair off of that arm.

15:05 Drew And that's thicker skin, less delicate skin.

15:08 Adam Don't be surprised when you misuse your penis the same way. Don't be surprised if there's some reaction. Stay off your penis for a couple days. See what happens.

15:16 Brad Sherwood Lotion, lotion, lotion.

15:18 Adam Yeah. I'm not a lotion man and thank God I'm not. You know, there's a lotion window for young men. And that lotion window opens about 14 and a half and slams shut about 15. And either you get on the lotion train or you don't. And I did some thinking about this the other night when I was drunk. I reckon I've saved at least $30,000 in lotion because I did not get on that lotion train at age 14 and a half.

15:46 Brad Sherwood There's so many times you're nowhere near lotion. You really have to camping. You have to go for free.

15:51 Adam You stay at a cheap motel. You know what I'm saying? You get hooked on that lotion. You become soft. Your penis becomes used to it and you're screwed.

15:59 Brad Sherwood That's like having a lucky helmet or something for football. You don't want to be stuck at home without the lucky equipment.

16:06 Adam Right. It's like you become reliant on something and now you can't function without it. This is the mistake I made with champ stick by the way. I made it 20 years without using champ stick. Now I got to put the crap on 40 times a day. I should have never picked that champ stick up. Drew, you should have stopped me. You should have slapped that out of my hand when I picked it up.

16:24 Drew This is the armor all theory. And I'm glad you're a self-actualized masturbator. It's good.

16:30 Adam Thank you.

16:31 Drew Independent.

16:31 Adam Nicole. Nicole.

16:34 Caller Yeah.

16:34 Adam You're 17. What's up?

16:38 Caller I have trouble being on top when I have sex with my boyfriend.

16:41 Caller Like I have a panic attack.

16:44 Caller I don't know why I kind of want to know what to do. So I don't anymore.

16:49 Adam When you're on top?

16:50 Caller Yeah.

16:51 Adam Wait, you have a ceiling fan or something?

16:54 Caller No.

16:56 Adam You know what I love about our listeners? They eat up my humor with a fork and spoon. You have a ceiling fan?

17:02 Caller No.

17:04 Adam Thank you. You understand how strong my ego has to be to come in here night after night and deal with this sort of abuse? Thank you. Okay. Now listen, why are you on top? Because that's the sort of you're in control in that position.

17:21 Caller I know. I don't know. Like it's all okay for a little bit and then I just kind of freak out and I start shaking and I freeze up and-

17:31 Adam If he's on top, you have no problem with that?

17:33 Caller No problem.

17:34 Drew Do you have orgasms?

17:36 Caller Yeah.

17:37 Drew You have them when he's on top? He's on top.

17:40 Caller Yeah.

17:41 Adam So why would you get on top?

17:45 Caller Just something different. I mean if I just lay on my back all the time-

17:48 Drew Is there some sense that something's going to happen that's unpleasant?

17:53 Adam I don't know. Have you ever had any difficulty, ever get bucked off a Brahma Bull or did a uncle force you to sit on him while he was drunk or something like that? Is there anything this reminds you of?

18:08 Caller Well, I was raped by my uncle.

18:13 Adam Oh, well, I got the uncle call there. Were you on top of your uncle?

18:19 Caller No.

18:20 Adam He was on top of you?

18:22 Caller Yeah.

18:22 Adam See, that's the thing. Okay, hold on. Let me talk to the boys. Brad.

18:26 Brad Sherwood Yeah.

18:26 Adam Get a hand in.

18:27 Brad Sherwood Touched by an uncle.

18:30 Adam When a woman has been raped, oftentimes, when a woman has been raped, she doesn't like a guy getting on top of her, especially when the guy gets on top and sort of holds her legs and controls her and sort of dominates her and smothers her. So most women have difficulty with that, especially someone who had this happen to them. But them being on top and having difficulty with that and having no difficulty on the bottom is strange, especially when the uncle was on top.

18:55 Drew But there's also that feeling of intimacy. And maybe she feels, you know what I mean? People avoid that when they've been traumatized.

19:01 Adam But it's not more intimate when you're on top.

19:02 Drew But maybe for her it is.

19:04 Brad Sherwood Maybe she has a hard time taking control to make herself have the orgasm. Has she ever had an orgasm in front of the guy by herself?

19:12 Adam Right, where she has sort of instigated it.

19:15 Brad Sherwood Because this is the closest thing to almost pleasuring yourself, just using the man as a tool almost.

19:22 Adam Nicole?

19:22 Yeah?

19:23 Adam When did your uncle rape you?

19:25 Between, like, I was four until I was 10.

19:29 Adam Oh, well, so it was just six years. And what's up with that? Is this your dad's brother, your mom's brother?

19:37 Caller My dad's brother.

19:38 Adam Is he in jail?

19:40 Caller No, they didn't send him to jail. He pleaded no trial, so he had to go for an evaluation with a psychologist.

19:46 Adam Pleaded no trial?

19:48 Drew No context.

19:48 Adam I'd like to plead no trial.

19:50 Caller No context.

19:50 Adam Sorry, Your Honor, no trial. No time, no sentence. But you're up for double homicide. Sorry, no trial. All right, so boy.

19:59 Drew Have you had sexual compulsions or anything like that as a result of this?

20:03 Caller What?

20:04 Adam Are you okay? Are you acting out a lot? Are you in a stable relationship?

20:08 Caller I've been with this guy for like two years.

20:10 Adam Okay. And you're not cheating on him?

20:12 Caller No.

20:12 Adam Okay. And have you got some therapy for being raped by your uncle?

20:16 Caller I've been in therapy since I was 10.

20:18 Adam Okay, good. All right. Hey, listen, Nicole. For what has happened to you in your relative short life, you're ahead of the game.

20:25 Drew Doing fine.

20:25 Adam Stay in therapy.

20:27 Drew Don't worry about this one position.

20:28 Adam That's right.

20:29 Drew You don't like it.

20:29 Adam You're having orgasms on the bottom. You're way ahead.

20:32 Drew Yeah, you don't like this position.

20:33 Caller It's just not fair to him.

20:35 Adam No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

20:37 Drew Cut that out.

20:37 Adam No.

20:38 Drew He's fine.

20:39 Adam Is he complained? No. All right. There you go. He's lazy. Leave him alone. How does that work? And I know I bring this up all the time, but I cannot- Where did that come from? Well, that comes from having your uncle get on top of you for six years. But how does that work? I have two nephews and I've only have one of them so far. But how does that work where you look at your brother or sister's kids and go, hey, there's a piece of ass. I got to get some of that.

21:08 Brad Sherwood I mean, they're looking at a kid and the problem is that relatives' children are more accessible, which is so insidious and dangerous.

21:17 Adam Right. And so, Brad, you bring up a good point. And I never really see... I always thought of it as an F-U to your brother or sister.

21:27 Drew It's like...

21:28 Adam I know, well, it is, but it isn't.

21:31 Drew It's like...

21:31 Brad Sherwood In the end, it is.

21:32 Adam I like five-year-olds. I don't want to go across the street to the schoolyard. I got one being dropped off at my house that I watch between noon and four every day. I'll just do this one.

21:41 Drew And I've got one I can manipulate. It cares about me. If I tell them, you would destroy us if you tell anybody.

21:46 Brad Sherwood It's completely predatory. You know, it's predation in a world where that's such a taboo that the most insidious way to do it is where you can't be caught. So it's, you know, you can't sit in the car and abduct people.

21:59 Drew Adam Brand knows a little too much about this.

22:01 Adam Yeah.

22:01 Brad Sherwood That's why I have a panel van. Yeah.

22:03 Adam I've got a panel van and...

22:05 Brad Sherwood And a cooler full of ice cream.

22:06 Adam He's got an ankle that's going off right now. I think he's out of range. Yeah. And you guys on Whose Line Is It Anyway deal with a lot of molestation and rape suggestions.

22:16 Brad Sherwood Yeah. Those usually get cut out of the show, but that's usually where we go.

22:19 Adam I need an occupation. Rapist.

22:22 Brad Sherwood Pedophile.

22:23 Adam Pedophile. I heard rapist first.

22:25 Brad Sherwood What rhymes with pedophile? I got to do a song.

22:27 Adam Okay. And your clown. Okay. Pedophile clown. Or was it rape? Rapist clown. And what's his motivation? He has an erection. All right.

22:38 Brad Sherwood And too much room in his crawl space.

22:40 Adam And lights out. Sarah?

22:44 Hello?

22:44 Adam You're 15?

22:45 Caller Yeah.

22:46 Adam What's up?

22:47 Caller Well, I was wondering, like, what's more? Like, what do you take Xanax for?

22:58 Drew Anxiety.

22:59 Caller And what's more, like, Valium or Xanax?

23:03 Drew Xanax is more addictive. It's shorter acting, a little more powerful.

23:08 Adam Oh, really?

23:10 Drew What do you mean?

23:10 Adam Can you grant me some of that?

23:12 Drew Why are you interested in shorter acting?

23:14 Adam Uh, you know, I'm a busy man. I don't have time to hallucinate more than, let's say, eight hours a day.

23:22 Drew So, Sarah, you're 15. How much do you weigh?

23:25 Caller Uh, like 130.

23:26 Drew Yeah, so it's not something you should be messing with.

23:29 Adam I don't know. I think Valium has a little more punch than Xanax.

23:34 Drew Uh, depends how you look at it.

23:35 Adam Why don't you give me one of each?

23:36 Drew It's longer acting.

23:37 Adam And I'll do one of those blind taste tests.

23:38 Drew It's sort of intermediate acting, but today is better.

23:40 Adam And I'll eat a saltine in between to cleanse my palate.

23:43 Brad Sherwood We replaced Adam's regular Xanax.

23:47 Adam Hey, Sarah?

23:48 Brad Sherwood Yeah?

23:49 Adam All right. There you go. Don't take anything.

23:53 Drew If you're taking a lot of it, are you stealing it from somebody?

23:55 Caller Yeah.

23:55 Drew And you're taking a bunch of it?

23:57 Caller Uh, like two, like parties and stuff.

24:01 Adam Well, it's just on Thursday and Friday.

24:03 Drew It's a drug that if you take even moderately large doses for a few days and then try to stop, you'll have very intense withdrawal and possibly seizures.

24:10 Adam Hey, Sarah.

24:11 Drew Yeah?

24:12 Adam I didn't get into the prescription meds until I was 34, 35. Okay?

24:16 Drew Really be fair.

24:17 Adam You got another 20 years to go.

24:19 Drew Until I was stuck in a room with you every night.

24:21 Adam That's right.

24:22 Drew Pimping me.

24:23 Adam Yeah. I mean, listen, you should be drinking, you know, Boone's Farm at the park or wine coolers in a van at this stage. Isn't that nice advice?

24:30 Drew That's nice.

24:31 Adam At 15. You shouldn't be doing...

24:33 Caller You know, what do I mean?

24:34 Adam Like, what are you one of the Gabor sisters? You're 15. Stay off the prescription meds, all right?

24:38 Brad Sherwood Valley of the Dolls.

24:39 Adam Okay. Yeah. Thank you. Brad Sherwood's our guest tonight from Whose Line Is It Anyway. We will take ourselves a little break. We'll come back when we do. We'll speak to Chuck, who's 28, only gets turned on when girlfriend puts on Catholic schoolgirls outfit.

24:55 Brad Sherwood Oh, that's great. Me too.

24:57 Adam After this. Yeah. Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Hey Anderson, can I get a longer mic cord in here when you get a chance, buddy? Thank you. I can't lean back. You know I like to doze off in the 11 o'clock hour. Brad Sherwood is our guest tonight. He is from Whose Line Is It Anyway. ABC, 8 o'clock and 8.30. Man, that's a lot of prime time. ABC, number one network now. Yeah. You remember just the Seinfeld days, just a few short years ago when it was like, NBC was just destroying everyone, and I think ABC was probably last, and it was like what's going on with ABC and what's going to happen?

26:10 Drew I thought CBS was killing everybody with all the reality stuff.

26:12 Adam No, ABC, number one.

26:14 Brad Sherwood Thanks to Regis.

26:15 Adam Number one.

26:16 Brad Sherwood We're all riding his coattails.

26:18 Adam Yeah. That's great. Yeah, that's fantastic news. And that's why I'd be bad working for one of the networks because when we were last, I'd just go, hey, everyone relax. Couple of years, we'll be back on top again. Let's all go home. All right. Oh, I see. Okay. I'm going to take Drew's mic. There we go. Yeah, Anderson. Looking good, buddy.

26:38 Drew Couldn't have figured that one out.

26:39 Adam All right.

26:39 Drew That's genius.

26:41 Brad Sherwood What a technician.

26:44 Adam Chuck, you're 28. Yeah. What's up with your girlfriend in the Catholic?

26:50 Caller She says I got a fetish.

26:51 I just want to know what that is. Like, I get turned on when she puts on a Catholic girl skirt.

26:55 Drew Well, fetish really technically means you have to have this. You have to have some sort of behavior or some sort of object to focus on in order to function sexually.

27:06 I don't really need that, but if it comes along, game on. You know what I mean?

27:11 Adam Right. All right, Chuck.

27:12 Brad Sherwood Me too, Chuck.

27:12 Adam There you go. Do they have a Jewish school girl outfits, or that gauchos and a headset hooked onto some braces or what is that? Do they have Jewish schools, right? Do they have uniforms?

27:25 Drew I'm sure.

27:25 Brad Sherwood Well, if you can get your girlfriend to shave her head and then wear a wig, it's kind of a-

27:29 Adam Oh, yeah. That's good. I'll tell you, those has seen them. They got some great rules. No shaving. Let me tell you something. I know we've discussed this before. I don't want to offend any of our Jewish friends, but all of this, I went to one of these temples, like the hardcore Hasidic temples to make fun of them during the day, like on a Tuesday at noon. All their stuff is based around not having to go to work and not shaving and eating and not changing their clothes. You never see a smelly or hairy bunch of fatter guys in your life. It's noon and it's Tuesday, and I'm going, hey, why aren't you people working? It is forbidden. I was like, hey, this is great. How do I get in on this?

28:09 Brad Sherwood But you don't mean to offend.

28:10 Adam Yeah. No, I don't mean to offend, but listen, it's like, here's the deal. Let's see. It'll be illegal to shave. Good. We'll eat all the time. Great. No work. Fine. Well, I'll just hang out. These guys just hung. It's like a clubhouse for guys who don't want to shave. It's a club for guys who want to eat and not shave. It really is. Smell each other. Smell each other. It's like, hey, I'd like to work on a Saturday, but I can't use electricity, so I got to hang. It's really genius. How do I get in on that, Drew? It really is. It's great. Where am I going over here?

28:45 Drew Five.

28:45 Adam You got one? Man, did those guys smell. Is there anything about bathing in that religion? Or is it just no shaving? Marie?

28:55 Yeah.

28:55 Adam You're 28.

28:56 Caller Yes.

28:57 Adam What's up?

28:58 Caller I just wanted to know. I've heard other callers call in and ask about or tell you about that when they used to see their moms change when they were younger, they'd have some weird sexual thing when they were older.

29:10 Drew Wait, wait, wait.

29:11 Adam We don't get a ton of that.

29:13 Drew I've never had that.

29:14 Caller I was, yeah, I listened to it last week and one guy, I can't remember who it was, a couple weeks ago called in and said that he used to have fantasies about his mom or older women because he said his mom used to change in front of him when he was younger.

29:28 Drew As I recall, he was sexually abused by the mom. Or the grandma, if I remember even right. Remember this one?

29:33 Caller No, I remember him just saying that he was changing, but regardless of the fact, my son is overly aggressive. I don't know if little boys are just like that, but he does like when I change in front of him. I mean, I don't normally do it, but when he does, I mean, is that gonna affect him when he gets older?

29:52 Drew No, it's normal. You don't want to shame him.

29:54 Caller Oh, I don't, I don't. But I kind of say, okay, well, I need my time in here.

29:58 Drew Yes, you need him to understand that this is your body.

30:01 Adam He's 19, by the way.

30:02 Drew I understand. And these are your private areas and there's boundaries and this sort of thing.

30:06 Adam Now, when you say private area, do you point your groin?

30:08 Drew No, I mean, if he starts pulling or poking or with kids, do, they'll do that.

30:12 Adam Oh, really?

30:12 Drew You just know this is mine.

30:14 Caller Well, he wants to like, he's overly affectionate. He wants to hug or, you know.

30:17 Drew Why is that overly affectionate?

30:19 Caller Well, I'm not overly affectionate. I'm just saying like he-

30:21 Drew He wants to hug.

30:22 Brad Sherwood Well, she's naked and changing.

30:23 Caller No, I mean, more so when I'm half naked or something.

30:27 Drew I see. He's four. Okay, he's four, that's fine.

30:29 Adam He's four, right? I don't freak him out. What do you mean about overly aggressive other than wants to hug?

30:35 Caller No, I mean, no, not overly aggressive. I'm just saying he just is very-

30:39 Drew How is he with-

30:39 Caller I mean, he just likes women. Somebody's got pantyhose on, he'll rub their legs.

30:45 Drew How is he with other kids?

30:47 Caller Oh, he's fine with other kids. I've got other children.

30:50 Adam Okay.

30:51 Drew They go through a phase between now and about six where things are there. All kinds of interesting things happen.

30:57 Adam He's never asked you for a reach around or anything like that?

31:00 Caller No.

31:01 Adam Okay, you're fine.

31:02 Brad Sherwood That phase will stop at about 47.

31:04 Drew 19. It's interesting, my kids were in pre-kindergarten, that's like four or five.

31:11 Adam Free kindergarten.

31:12 Drew But listen, the fact that they go to a school disturbs you?

31:17 Adam You know how I feel about reading.

31:18 Drew I understand that.

31:19 Adam Poisons the soul.

31:19 Drew Yes, indeed. My kids read better than you now.

31:22 Adam I know.

31:23 Caller Scary.

31:24 Adam Scary.

31:25 Drew Somebody should be put away for having ill served you.

31:29 Adam Believe me, I'm trying to get my parents put away. I've been working very, you know how a lot of people like Elvis, they go out, they make a lot of money and they buy their mom a car. I'm trying to have my parents institutionalized. I'm trying to punish them. I'm trying to use my money and resources to punish them. Yeah.

31:46 Drew What was I saying?

31:46 Adam You're talking about the pre, pre, pre, pre-kindergarten.

31:50 Drew When the kids went out.

31:52 Adam Drew actually had a college professor put his head up his wife's vagina before the kids came out and tried to teach him Latin in the second trimester.

32:02 Brad Sherwood It's quite visual. I hope he wasn't wearing the mortar board.

32:06 Drew He's a triplets, mind you.

32:07 Caller He's a triplets.

32:11 Adam Yeah, that's great. Yeah, it was a bitch getting that chalkboard up there. I'll tell you, that was the tall order. All right, so Drew's kids went to pre, pre, pre, pre, pre. None of those triplets are going to make more than 35 grand a year.

32:23 Drew And when they went to, they were asked to draw pictures of family. A lot of these kids drew these parental figures with giant genitalia and big belly buttons. I think there's lots of preoccupation about this stuff.

32:36 Adam Why can't they go back to drawing Nazi half tracks like I did when I was five and six years old? I was very enamored with the idea of a car that had wheels on the front and tank treads on the back.

32:49 Drew Remember those Nazi half tracks?

32:51 Adam Maybe I watched too much Rat Patrol or something. But everything was a half track with the swastika on the side. There was something very alluring about the German Army of World War II when I was five, six years old.

33:03 Brad Sherwood Oh boy, tank treads were easy to draw.

33:05 Drew Speaks volumes, speaks volumes, ladies and gentlemen.

33:08 Adam Jeep.

33:09 Caller Hey, hey Adam and Drew.

33:11 Adam Yeah. Hey Jeep. Yeah. I was just talking about your close cousin, the half track.

33:17 Caller Oh sure. Hey Adam and Drew, you're both geniuses. You got to know that.

33:20 Adam Thank you.

33:21 Caller Anderson, you're very funny even though you only talk through sound effects.

33:24 Adam Yeah.

33:26 Caller What's his name? Doug?

33:27 Drew Brad.

33:27 Caller Brad. You're hilarious son whose line is it anyway. Thank you.

33:31 Adam Good. You watch that show?

33:32 Caller Oh yeah. Watch it all the time.

33:34 Adam Coming up this Thursday.

33:35 Caller Yeah. I watch the British one every once in a while too.

33:37 Adam Is that on Comedy Central?

33:39 Caller Yeah.

33:40 Brad Sherwood My name is Doug and it was on the British version.

33:41 Caller Doug, I'm sorry.

33:42 Adam No, no. You're right with Brad.

33:44 Caller I was?

33:45 Adam Yeah, you're good.

33:46 Caller Okay.

33:46 Adam Brad's just yanking your chain.

33:48 Caller All right.

33:48 Adam What's up?

33:50 Caller Okay. Well, actually I lied to the screener person so I'm sorry. But I just wanted to let you know you're a millionaire literally. And I just wanted to let you know that everybody really appreciates what you do.

34:04 Drew Where are you calling from?

34:06 Caller Seattle, Washington.

34:07 Drew Oh, interesting.

34:08 Caller And I was just...

34:09 Drew You know what's interesting about that? Is that in that part of the country, when we travel up there, people literally come up and go and touch you and go, I appreciate... Literally, this is what they say, I appreciate you. Nowhere else in the country they say that.

34:20 Adam Yeah, they're much more aware in that part of the country. I mean, whereas you travel around and people see us and they go, hey, you're funny, or they give us one that's just my favorite, which is they pull us apart, they pull us aside at the airport, and they go, you know what I love about your show? You, you're like the smart one, you're like the doctor, you're giving out the medical advice, and you, you're the funny one. And I'm like, hold on, let me grab a pad and paper, let's see.

34:49 Brad Sherwood They've really pulled the rock over and looked at the bugs underneath, haven't they?

34:53 Adam So, wait a minute, let me get this straight. I'm the doctor? No, no, no. You are the doctor.

34:58 You give out the advice.

35:00 Adam You're like, you're like all serious. You're like all serious guy. Like, well, and it's always funny, really stupid guys try to use examples about medical terminology, because like you're the one who's like, well, you got a, well, you're fun, okay, you're serious. Okay, you're serious doctor guy. When you, you're like cracking jokes. And he's like talking about medical stuff. Well, you're making jokes. And that's what I like about the show. And I'm like, fantastic.

35:27 Brad Sherwood That's a formula that just might work.

35:30 Adam Right, but if you go to Seattle, and I do agree with Drew on this.

35:33 Drew Pacific Northwest, yeah.

35:35 Adam They go, hey, I think it's great what you're doing. I think it's great that you're trying to make a difference or what have you.

35:40 Drew Yeah, they look in the eye and they say I appreciate it. The word appreciation comes out repeatedly. You go into like the deep Midwest and the reactions are quite different.

35:48 Caller You're the doctor.

35:49 Drew No, that's right. Oh my god, Susie, come over here. And then you talk to them for 45 minutes?

35:55 Caller Yeah.

35:56 Drew Hour 45?

35:57 Adam Talk to them for an hour and then you go, Hey, listen, my plane's leaving. And they go, okay, your highness, go back to Hollywood and have fun with your royal friends.

36:06 Oh, we gotta leave now.

36:07 Adam Yeah, I see. Have fun on your velvet line toilet seat, your gold plated toilet. And you're like, hey, honey, I talked to you for an hour.

36:16 Brad Sherwood And you're sitting there with your blue plastic boarding card for Southwest Airlines.

36:20 Caller Right, right.

36:24 Brad Sherwood Yeah.

36:24 Adam You're 14?

36:26 Caller Yeah.

36:26 Adam What's up?

36:28 Caller I came home tonight, like, I walked in, the door was open because it was like hot out here in LA.

36:33 Drew I don't-

36:33 Caller Yeah, I walked in.

36:34 Adam I already don't believe it.

36:35 Drew Yeah, I don't believe it either, yeah. Already, a little too much-

36:37 Adam Don't even know what your question is.

36:38 Drew A little too much laugh in the voice.

36:40 Adam All right, so it's hot in the door.

36:41 Drew Wait, so he's-

36:43 Caller All right, I walked in the door. My mom and her boyfriend were making out, getting ready to get busy and stuff.

36:49 Adam Yeah.

36:49 Caller Then I went, I just freaked out. Climbed in the back, threw him through my window.

36:55 Adam Right.

36:55 Caller I just closed the door and I turned on the music real loud, like a subtle way to let them know I'm here and I don't know what to do. She had to like talk it out of my mind. She like freaked out about it or what should I do?

37:05 Drew Well, what's the deal with her boyfriend? Is this somebody she's seeing regularly?

37:09 Caller Not really her boyfriend. I just called her her boyfriend, but they got married like a couple months ago.

37:13 Drew It's her husband.

37:13 Caller I'm still not used to it.

37:14 Drew It's her husband. So you're pissed off that she has a new husband, right?

37:18 Caller Well, kind of.

37:20 Adam Where's your dad?

37:23 Caller We see him once in a while, but he's like kind of stubborn and he gets pissed off over everything, so I don't really talk to him.

37:28 Adam All right. Well, listen.

37:29 Brad Sherwood I see a pattern.

37:30 Adam Alex?

37:31 Caller Yeah.

37:32 Adam Yeah. Here's your job.

37:34 Drew Not to get pissed off over everything.

37:35 Adam Your mom's remarried. She got a new man. Don't cause trouble with him.

37:40 Drew Or your own life.

37:41 Adam I'm sorry your real dad's not a great guy, but that doesn't mean your stepfather's a bad guy. Don't take out whatever feelings or anger you have for your real dad on your stepdad. You don't become one of those angry, pissed off guys like your real dad. It's no way to go through life unless you can parlay it into a radio career like I've done.

38:02 Drew I'll try that.

38:03 Adam All right. So listen, Alex.

38:05 Drew Yeah.

38:05 Adam Don't be an angry guy. All right. Cut this stepdad some slack.

38:09 Drew Your feelings are okay, but realize where they're coming from.

38:13 Adam The stepparent gig is a lose-lose situation because the fact that you're there means real mommy or real daddy hit the road. Now, you're screwed because you come into the picture and the person already has it in for you because they look at you as replacing real mommy or real daddy. They take these and these real parents, the biological parents, which are worse than the stepparents, and they make them better.

38:45 Drew But the stepparent is the constant reminder that the reunion fantasy can never be fulfilled.

38:50 Adam Right.

38:51 Brad Sherwood I had a lucky stepparent thing because my parents divorced when I was about one, so I didn't have the fantasy of what my father was like. So when my stepfather came along, I was like, oh, someone in the house.

39:01 Adam Maybe it was always dad, right?

39:03 Brad Sherwood So yeah.

39:03 Adam Did you call him dad?

39:04 Brad Sherwood No, actually I still call him.

39:05 Drew But after all, he pursued a career in comedy, so it can't be that good.

39:07 Adam You call him by his first name?

39:10 Brad Sherwood Yeah.

39:10 Adam What was that?

39:11 Brad Sherwood Cliff. Cliff?

39:12 Adam Oh, that's a good name. That's a good guy. Cliff. You can't go wrong with Cliff.

39:16 Drew Did he work in the garage?

39:17 Brad Sherwood No, no, no, he wasn't.

39:19 Adam He was an artist.

39:20 Brad Sherwood No, no, my real dad.

39:21 Adam Oh, real dad's an artist. What was Cliff?

39:24 Brad Sherwood Engineer, civil engineer.

39:25 Adam Yeah, that's good too.

39:27 Brad Sherwood Did he have a garage?

39:29 Adam Not really. Cliff's weird because it's not really a wrenching name, you know? In their hand, he was a civil engineer. Civil engineers like, what's that like? Like we have so many A's, A holes living in a certain thing, so we need so big a sewer line built in this area and has so much power going to it.

39:48 Brad Sherwood Here's a beautiful strip of land that a lot of people would like to live on, so let's bulldoze it and create roads.

39:53 Adam Right. All right.

39:54 Brad Sherwood Turn it into little lots.

39:55 Adam Let's kill some Indians. That's basically how it works. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. Brad Sherwood is here. We'll be back and when we do, we'll speak to Randy who's 23. Every girl he dates ends up hating him. We'll be back. We'll be right back. Yep, hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Brad Sherwood is our guest tonight. You would recognize him from Whose Line Is It Anyway, the big hit, third season. Thursday Nights, ABC, number one network, and on twice, eight and 8.30. Yeah? I'm going to run right back there, back to back, and Drew Carey does the host slash moderator.

41:12 Brad Sherwood Mm-hmm, and he plays a game at the end of the show as well.

41:14 Adam Seems like a pretty cushy gig. I'm going to watch Family Guy. I think it's on tomorrow night. I love that show. I really love that Family Guy, and I'm really, I don't want to steal any of Brad's thunder, but that show needs help. Unacceptable.

41:30 Drew What show?

41:30 Adam Who's the Family Guy?

41:32 Drew Family Guy needs help?

41:32 Adam No, I mean, it needs people to watch it.

41:34 Drew Oh, I see.

41:35 Adam Who's the lion is it? Anyway, it's doing fine.

41:36 Brad Sherwood You're starting a grassroots campaign.

41:38 Adam Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to start a letter writing campaign, except for I can't write. Other than that, I'd be willing to start.

41:44 Drew Family Guy had just been sort of come out around year two of The Simpsons. It'd be a smash.

41:49 Adam Yeah. Yeah, it came a little late, but they renewed it, and I think they're doing more episodes, so that's fine. And plus, Seth MacFarlane sent us a basket.

41:58 Drew You?

41:59 Adam Oh, he sent me a basket. Didn't he send us a basket? Remember we got a basket, you idiot, two weeks ago.

42:05 Drew Was it the wine basket?

42:06 Adam We dibby'd it up. Yeah.

42:07 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's very nice.

42:08 Adam You got, yeah, it's really funny when Drew and I dibby up a basket. It's like, hey, give me the cashews. Don't bogart the cashews. All right, give me the smoked cheddar.

42:19 Brad Sherwood You went that weird Swedish box of chocolate squares that are like half mint and half meg, something or the other.

42:25 Drew And the moussougan nuts.

42:28 Adam And then there's always some kind of bizarre Southwest hot and spicy dates or some sort of bizarre something and it's like, what the hell is that?

42:37 Brad Sherwood And some like dinner crackers from Portugal in a box that you've never seen in your entire life.

42:42 Adam You know what I'd like to do? I'd like to open a company where we serve baskets with nothing but goulash in them. Just filled to the top with great Hungarian veal goulash.

42:51 Drew California goulash baskets.

42:52 Caller That's right.

42:54 Adam Big basket of goulash.

42:55 Brad Sherwood Comes with a special ladle.

42:58 Adam Randy?

42:59 Yeah, what's up?

43:00 Adam You're 23.

43:02 Caller Yeah, I called because I have a serious issue with commitment. I think, well, that's what I'm told. The reason why is because, well, I have several friends that are living with girls or have been dating girls for months, yet I have yet to date a girl longer than a month. And I get really picky whenever I date with them. I guess, it might be...

43:24 Drew By picky, you mean, hang on, by picky, you mean you pick them apart and you find reasons not to continue dating them?

43:29 Caller Well, I call it, yeah, I call it Seinfeld syndrome. It's like there might be one little thing about them that bothers me and it will drive me nuts.

43:41 Drew That must be a very unhappy way to go through life.

43:44 Caller Well, I don't know. I don't know if I'm just shallow or what, but it's, it's asinine.

43:50 Drew So it doesn't make you unhappy?

43:51 Adam Yeah, it makes him unhappy.

43:53 Caller It makes me unhappy. I'm frustrated. I'd like to settle down, maybe maintain some stability, but it just, it's something I can't control.

44:00 Drew Do you get anything out of this?

44:03 Caller I don't know. Maybe subconsciously. I'm not sure.

44:05 Drew What do you think you get out of it?

44:08 Caller I don't know. Well, for instance, the last girl I dated, one of the last girls I dated, every time she said goodbye to me, she would say, instead of goodbye or just see you later, she would say, toodles, the word toodles, and it would drive me absolutely insane.

44:22 Drew Why don't you tell you didn't like that?

44:24 Caller Yeah.

44:25 Adam You do what I do. You just hit them. I say toodles. You just take a swing at them.

44:29 Caller Well, when I first heard it, I was like, what the hell is that?

44:32 Adam No, no. Don't hit them in the face. You don't want to mark them up, but give them a good shot in the gut, give them a good hook to the ribs. Maybe you can catch a kidney. All right. Hey, Randy? Yeah. Here's the deal. You're 23. I was this way when I was 23.

44:47 Brad Sherwood Me too.

44:48 Adam Thank God I'm this way now, 36. Now, it'll wear off. It'll work its way out. You know what you're doing, right? Right. You're aware of what you're doing. Keep an eye on yourself. Next time you hook up with someone and they say toodles, and you find yourself being annoyed by that, realize what you're doing, right? Right. Keep an eye on yourself. Listen, everybody, step back and take a look at yourself. There should be a part of you that sort of hovers over you. Look and monitor yourself, like one of those bank cameras.

45:19 Drew Call it observing egos.

45:21 Adam Really?

45:21 Drew Yeah.

45:22 Adam Right. Drew, if I hovered over you, I'd take a leak on you.

45:25 Drew Thanks.

45:26 Adam There you go.

45:27 Drew But listen, he's avoiding intimacy, avoiding vulnerability.

45:32 Adam Suzette?

45:33 Brad Sherwood It's not ready for you.

45:34 Adam You're 16?

45:35 Caller Yeah.

45:35 Adam What's up?

45:36 Caller Okay, I live with my boyfriend and his mother told me not to make hickeys on each other because it could cause some kind of skin problem.

45:44 Drew Yeah, a big purple mark.

45:46 Caller No, I mean like cancer or something.

45:48 Drew Nope. True, very true. Nope. Very true. Nope. It can't? Nope.

45:53 Adam No, that is true. This is-

45:56 Drew Mental note, do not name children Suzette.

45:58 Adam Yeah. You're living with your boyfriend.

46:01 Caller Yeah.

46:02 Drew 16.

46:03 Caller Yeah.

46:03 Adam Yeah, what's up with that?

46:04 Caller Well, me and my mom have some problems, so-

46:07 Drew How old's your boyfriend?

46:08 Caller He's 18.

46:09 Drew Yeah, that's the problem, isn't it?

46:11 Caller No, she signed me away to his mother.

46:13 Drew Oh, my God.

46:14 Caller She's like my legal guardian.

46:16 Drew His mom?

46:17 Caller Yeah.

46:18 Drew And she lets you live with him?

46:20 Caller Yeah.

46:20 Adam And how's that signing away work? The UPS guy dropped you off over to that place?

46:26 Yeah.

46:27 Adam Here, you got a sign here. Oh, and just initial this?

46:32 Caller No, actually, I ran away with him, and then my mother just said, well, you just could live with him.

46:37 Drew Was your mother sort of physically, was she whooping you all the time?

46:41 Caller Yeah.

46:42 Drew Yeah, that's why kids run away when they're being abused in the house, either sexually or physically.

46:46 Adam All right. Hey, Suzette?

46:48 Caller Yeah.

46:48 Adam Here's your number one priority.

46:51 Drew Don't get pregnant.

46:52 Adam No, that's number two. Number one is worship me, as a god, and then number two is don't get pregnant.

47:00 Caller I won't.

47:01 Adam Are you pregnant currently?

47:02 Caller No.

47:03 Drew Have you already had a child?

47:04 Caller No.

47:04 Adam Okay. Are you using birth control?

47:07 Caller Yeah.

47:08 Adam What are you using?

47:09 Caller Orthotrycycline.

47:11 Drew Very good.

47:12 Adam Stay on that. Okay?

47:13 Caller Yeah.

47:14 Brad Sherwood Don't worry about the hickeys.

47:15 Drew Don't worry about the skin cancer. Okay.

47:17 Brad Sherwood Think about how dangerous leeches would be then.

47:19 Adam Right. Okay.

47:21 Caller All right. Bye.

47:21 Adam Good luck to you there. Didn't Annie Coffin die that way? Who died that way? Is it Leaches? No, hickeys. Who was that? I'm trying to think who that was. What is it with the hickey? And listen, there is no whiter, trashier move than hickey. Actually, the Latinos are into it, too, but I don't think the blacks are in it because this doesn't show up. Maybe they are. Maybe they aren't. Who knows? But it is one of those instincts that is bizarre to me. And listen, if you want to prove to the world that you're in love, get the person a goddamn ring or a tennis bracelet or something, but don't leave black and blue marks all over their neck.

48:02 Brad Sherwood In the dating world, when you're dating someone and you're fooling around, and if you ever had that hickey paranoia where they're starting to suck just a little too hard, you're like, hey, oh, no, no, no. Don't leave a mark.

48:13 Adam Yeah, it's kind of weird.

48:13 Brad Sherwood It's a buzzkill.

48:15 Adam You're making out with someone and they go down and they're like looking on your neck and all of a sudden you're thinking to yourself, I'm trying to enjoy myself, but am I getting a hickey? And what's going on here?

48:23 Brad Sherwood Hickey phobia, I think. I've had that many a time.

48:26 Adam That's where I grab the clock alarm. I just bash him over the head with it.

48:30 Drew Hicnophobia?

48:30 Adam Yeah, throw that dude right out of my room.

48:33 Drew Break, break, break, break.

48:35 Adam Huh? All right, we'll take a break.

48:39 Loveline, Loveline, we'll be right back.

49:26 Caller Here we go, Loveline.

49:27 Adam I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Brad Sherwood is our guest tonight. From Whose Line Is It Anyway? ABC, in its third smash year on the number one network in the United States, and possibly the world, the fabulous ABC. Thursday nights at 8 and 8.30. Two episodes hosted and moderated by the great Drew Carey, personal friend of mine, very close friend of mine. We see eye to eye on just about every topic. I just assumed I hadn't met him before because he was a big celebrity.

49:58 Drew Can you remember now?

49:59 Adam Now I do remember that Drew Carey was on our TV show.

50:03 Drew He was on with the other guy that's on.

50:06 Adam Ryan Stiles? Yes. Now it's all coming back to me. I gotta stop getting high before we do that show. I think it affects my memory and performance. Phone number, 1-800-LLV-E-191. And you ready to get back here, Drew? Here we go. Elizabeth?

50:23 Caller Yes.

50:24 Adam You're 19? That's one of those radio things, by the way, when I asked Drew, are you ready to get going? That means I'm killing time while I'm looking up at the board and trying to figure out what number to push on my keypad here.

50:36 Caller I bet.

50:36 Adam Drew, you ready to keep the party going, brother?

50:38 Drew Yeah, dude. Let's go.

50:39 Adam Let's rock and roll. What do you say? Let me give the time and the weather out real quick. And then.

50:44 Caller I knew you're going to do that.

50:46 Adam What's up, Elizabeth? You're 19.

50:49 Caller About a couple months ago, me and my boyfriend decided to take a break because we were getting a little serious. Right. And then.

50:56 Drew Who decided that?

50:57 Caller Huh?

50:57 Drew Who decided that?

50:58 Caller We both did because we're both getting pressure from our family, so we just decided to slow it down.

51:03 Drew Pressure to get married?

51:05 Caller No. Just to slow it down because we would, you know, just fool around in front of our family, just, you know, playfully, but we just decided to calm it down.

51:13 Adam Elizabeth, stop blowing Steve and finish your meal.

51:17 Caller Anyway, when we were on a break, he decided to hang out with a couple of our friends and he got high and he had a little threesome with one of my female friends and one of my male friends.

51:33 Caller And what's wrong with that?

51:35 Caller Yeah.

51:35 Adam And did he have contact with the male friend?

51:38 Caller Yes.

51:39 Brad Sherwood What kind of contact?

51:41 Caller Well, he gave him oral... Yeah.

51:47 Brad Sherwood Good night.

51:48 Adam You know what's funny? He's like, the family's like, okay, you two get back together and start getting it on again, would you? Right on the dinner table. Go ahead and clear the table.

51:55 Brad Sherwood His family is telling him, get back to the monogamous.

51:59 Adam Yeah. Please.

52:00 Caller Thank you very much.

52:01 Adam Oh my God.

52:02 Drew Elizabeth, there's a bunch missing here of ton of information missing.

52:05 Caller Okay, so I find this out after, I go to church in the evening and my friend who was involved in this pulled me off to the side and told me what happened. I totally broke down.

52:17 Adam In church, he told you?

52:19 Caller Yeah, right during the service, we had like a little revival or something. I don't know.

52:23 Drew It's gotta be bad for him.

52:25 Adam Yeah. What kind of decorum is that? I'm not a religious man, but I know that goes against some tenet of the church.

52:32 Brad Sherwood Talk about a revelation, huh?

52:33 Caller Yeah, a sacrament, right.

52:35 Caller Well, I kind of like totally broke down. I told him how I felt.

52:40 Drew Him?

52:41 Caller My ex-boyfriend.

52:43 Drew Your ex-boyfriend?

52:44 Caller Yeah.

52:45 Drew What do you mean, how you felt?

52:47 Caller Just what happened.

52:49 Drew How did you feel?

52:50 Caller Like he tore up my heart, chopped it into little pieces, flotated.

52:53 Drew Yeah. Here's the back again to the breakup part where you guys were taking time out. That was not a mutually agreed upon. No, Elizabeth, be baloney.

53:03 Caller No, it isn't. Seriously, we were because I'm older than him. The thing is that when I turned 19, he was still 17.

53:13 Adam Okay. Who cares? Listen, all nonsense.

53:17 Caller No, I'm serious.

53:18 Adam I was 19, he was 17, my family didn't like us making out.

53:21 Drew It's all baloney.

53:22 Caller No, I'm serious.

53:23 Adam All right, listen, listen, you denial queen. This thing's over. You understand? It's over. Every time you see him, every time you kiss him, you're going to picture a penis in his mouth. All right? It's over.

53:35 Caller Thank you for putting that picture in my head.

53:37 Adam It was already there.

53:38 Drew He wanted to be out of this relationship and then you put all these sort of weird explanations for why it had to end, but he wanted out.

53:46 Adam And you're 19 and that's fine.

53:48 Drew And the family wanted out and you're 19, but look, he wanted out and he got out and he started to do his thing. He's out.

53:55 Adam He may be bi, who knows.

53:56 Brad Sherwood You'll see him at a rave in about five years with a pink wig on and it'll all be good.

54:01 Drew Well, the point is, start with the point at which you broke up. That was not a negotiation that ended in some sort of treaty that you did.

54:10 Adam Well, their family was tired of seeing them make out. Yeah. If I had a nickel for every time my family intervened when I was making out with the woman and causing the end of a relationship, I'd be a rich man right now. And what about, you know, she said how he pulled her heart out, chopped it into pieces, sauteed it and ate it. Where do you leave, when do you leave that stage in life when you start talking about what people are doing to your heart? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, you don't do it. I'm 36. I don't do that. Honey, you yanked my heart out. You threw it on the ground. You stomped on it. Then you had one of your buddies who drives a backhoe and he ran over it and then a dog came over and urinated on it and then some coyotes fought over it and tore it into pieces.

54:49 Brad Sherwood Sent Federal Express to an address that didn't actually exist with no return.

54:54 Adam With no return, right. There's some point when you just go, hey, stop screwing me over. Like, you don't start talking about your heart. You just talk about you.

55:02 Drew Yeah.

55:02 Adam I don't know what that is. The written part where you realize your heart is just you and it represents you, so you might as well just replace heart with you. Quit screwing me. But you stop with that ripping the heart out stuff. I think it should be about 17, 18. Anything with the heart?

55:17 Drew You also lose the desire to live.

55:18 Adam What about other organs, like a liver, pancreas, things like that?

55:22 Drew Those start falling out after the age of 17.

55:23 Adam Yeah, but when do you stop accusing people of tearing that out? You're tearing out my liver.

55:30 Drew It starts around 70, you understand?

55:32 Adam Chris?

55:34 Yeah.

55:34 Adam You're 20.

55:35 Caller Yeah.

55:36 Adam What's up? Hey, Chris, Chris.

55:38 Caller Yeah.

55:39 Adam You know what it's like to have a lady pull your heart out, show it to you, and then put it in a Cuisinart and liquefy it, and then feed it to her cousin who has a locked jaw through a straw?

55:52 Caller Yeah, I hate that.

55:52 Adam Because that's happened to me, man.

55:54 Caller I hate that. I had a girl that was kicking me in the spleen once.

55:58 Adam Yeah, you know what it's like when someone pulls out your heart and then puts an M80 into it and then lights it and shoves it in your neighbor's mailbox, man, and your heart is all over the neighborhood? Do you know what that feels like, man?

56:08 Caller Oh, that sucks, because then you got to see it everywhere, too. I mean, that blows.

56:13 Adam Yeah. You know what it's like when someone pulls your heart out and they throw it in one of those tree shredders?

56:17 Drew All right, all right, all right.

56:18 Adam Okay.

56:20 Caller Sweet.

56:20 Drew Chris.

56:21 Caller Okay. First off, I was just wondering, last week you had some chick that called you up that was all talking about getting with her aunt and uncle and a bunch of other people at the same time.

56:30 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

56:31 Adam Yeah.

56:31 Caller Anything ever happen with that?

56:33 Adam I don't know.

56:34 Drew We didn't really believe it.

56:35 Caller No, you didn't.

56:35 Adam I'll tell you what happened. We started seeing each other shortly after that call. And you know what that bitch did? She pulled my heart out and she fed it to a hungry koi.

56:48 Brad Sherwood A pond full of hungry, heart eating koi.

56:50 Adam A pond full of hungry koi. Yeah. But a taste for heart. Yeah. I don't know what happened to her.

56:57 Caller Okay. I just thought that was funny. All right.

57:00 Adam Thank you.

57:00 Caller Do you have a question? The question was, I've got this, she's basically my girlfriend. I've known her forever. But she's just not as sexually attractive to me as some other women.

57:14 Adam Yeah.

57:14 Caller And I don't know, when I think of somebody like I'd like to get married to or someone I'd like to spend a long time with, it's her. But on the other hand, I know I want to have a good and healthy sexual relationship.

57:26 Drew What's happening with you guys?

57:29 Caller Mostly we just hang out.

57:32 Drew No physical relationship.

57:34 Caller There's not a whole lot.

57:35 Drew Let's be clear here. There's no physical relationship.

57:37 Adam Well, a little bit of nookie. How long has it been? How long have you been with her?

57:45 Caller I've known her for probably six or seven years.

57:48 Drew Hang on a second. Wait, wait. Adam, let's say we're talking to Chris' girlfriend, quote, girlfriend, unquote. How would she describe this relationship? Hang on, hang on.

57:58 Adam Drew, I don't know what dark and crampy pet. What are you trying to do? Yank my heart out, put pepper on it, saute it? No. I don't know where you're going. They have a little bit of physical contact, not much.

58:10 Drew What is the nature of that physical contact?

58:13 Caller Nothing more than little petting, necking.

58:16 Adam Oh, Drew. Yes, Drew's right. I apologize, Drew. So she's not really your girlfriend.

58:24 Caller No.

58:24 Drew If we asked her, she'd go, Oh, this guy, Chris, we've been friends forever. He's so nice. He details my car for me twice a week.

58:31 Adam Chris who? Yeah.

58:31 Drew Yeah, Chris who.

58:32 Adam Well, the thing that threw me on that is he was saying he wasn't that attracted.

58:37 Drew She's not that attracted.

58:38 Adam I thought he said he wasn't that attracted to her. He wanted to fool around before he got married or something.

58:46 Caller Well, it's more of a, I know that I love her a lot in-

58:53 Adam Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

58:54 Caller But it's not in a sexual way.

58:57 Adam All right, hold on. You're not that attracted to her.

59:00 Caller Right.

59:00 Adam Okay, Drew, you read the screen. That was your mistake. And you got screwed up because you read, the screen says, how to make a girl sexually attracted, attractive to him. Oh no, you're right. You did read the screen. Hey, can we edit that part of the show out?

59:17 Drew Chris, the deal is she's not that attracted to you. And because she's not, there is no sexual relationship. There would be if she were open to it. Right. Right.

59:25 Adam Okay, but why did he call and say she wasn't attractive, attractive to him?

59:31 Drew Because he's covering for the fact that she's just not available for a sexual relationship. He'd love to have one.

59:36 Adam If she would let you, would you hump her?

59:40 Caller Probably not yet.

59:41 Adam Not yet? You want to give another six years?

59:44 Caller I'm more of a purist, you know, wait till after a marriage thing.

59:48 Adam Purist? You're a pussy is what you are. Forget about purist.

59:51 Brad Sherwood We got to start with a P right.

59:53 Adam That's right. All right. Hey, Chris? Yeah. I don't know what's going on here, but you're sinking a lot of time and a lot of effort into something that ain't going to work. Find a new one and move on. Someone is into you. Someone, listen.

1:00:05 Brad Sherwood It should be easier than that.

1:00:06 Adam Here's the deal, everybody.

1:00:07 Drew It's Friendville. He's just in Friendville.

1:00:09 Adam Drew's right. Drew's instinct was right. He started off by, here's how he started it. He started by saying, this is my girlfriend of a long time and I'm losing interest in her physically. I'm just not into her and I want to have other experiences. And I was thinking, all right, he's done with his old girlfriend.

1:00:26 Drew Oh, no, no. He said, he was very much more covert and convoluted. Like, there's this girl, she's basically my girlfriend. Well, I've known her my whole life. We hang out. We're friends. Do you have a physical relationship? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I just love her and I'd marry her. It went on and on and on.

1:00:44 Adam You know what's great?

1:00:44 Brad Sherwood You ever see her breasts?

1:00:46 Adam Women could turn cornholing into a handshake and guys can turn a peck on the cheek into a tort affair, you know, into nine and a half weeks in front of the refrigerator. It's great. We both have our own agendas. Guys are going this way. Girls are going that way. Sometimes they cross in the middle. But this guy's living in fantasy land.

1:01:11 Drew Totally.

1:01:12 Adam And listen, guys, please, if you spend X amount of time with a woman, it becomes weird after a certain point. It just does. They become like family. It's strange. You know what it's like? It's like eating a pig you made friends with. It really is. You buy a pig.

1:01:30 Drew It's Wilbur.

1:01:30 Adam And you raise Wilbur. And you take care of it. And you nurse it. And then Wilbur's like three years old. And Thanksgiving is coming up. You go out and slaughter it. No way. Meanwhile, you're eating bacon every day because you're eating strange pig. But you can't eat familiar pig. And it's the same with the vagina. You cannot eat familiar vagina. It has to be strange vagina that you eat. Strange and bizarre vagina.

1:01:57 Brad Sherwood It will do terrible things to your heart.

1:01:59 Adam That's right. It will clog your arteries. You need to find a new woman. There's a little window. Get in there and then slaughter her and eat her before you make friends with her. It is true about my pig. I've never been rider than my pig analogy though.

1:02:16 Drew Right, Drew? Yeah, never.

1:02:18 Adam James.

1:02:19 Caller Hey.

1:02:19 Adam You're 16.

1:02:20 Caller I am and I'm calling from Canada and I want to let you guys know that Canada loves you.

1:02:24 Adam Hey, really? I'll be in Canada next week.

1:02:26 Drew Canada?

1:02:27 Caller Whereabouts are you going?

1:02:28 Drew Via Scotland?

1:02:30 Adam Yeah, that's a horrible Canadian accent, by the way, James.

1:02:33 Caller Is it?

1:02:33 Adam Yeah.

1:02:34 Caller How's this, eh?

1:02:35 Adam That's better.

1:02:36 Caller Is that better?

1:02:37 Adam Yeah.

1:02:37 Caller All right. And I want to let you guys know that.

1:02:39 Adam Where are you calling from?

1:02:40 Caller I'm calling from British Columbia.

1:02:42 Drew Where?

1:02:43 Caller Victoria.

1:02:44 Drew Okay.

1:02:44 Caller On the island. And we just, we now in the province of BC, we get the morning after pill.

1:02:50 Adam All right.

1:02:50 Drew Oh, there you go.

1:02:51 Adam Hey, how do you get this show over there? Seattle.

1:02:54 Caller I guess so, yeah, the Buzz 100.7. And I get all my friends to listen to you guys. You guys are great.

1:03:00 Adam Great.

1:03:01 Caller Yeah. And the only problem with Canada is I haven't seen the Man Show.

1:03:05 Adam Well, you know what, James? Interestingly enough, next week, Jimmy and myself are going to Toronto as ambassadors of the Man Showing of Goodwill because the comedy network in Canada is going to pick up the Man Show.

1:03:22 Best show on television, the Man Show.

1:03:24 Adam Oh, that's Jesse Ventura.

1:03:26 Caller I am hoping it will be the best.

1:03:28 Adam It will be. So we'll be up there and you'll find it there soon. Thanks.

1:03:31 Caller I'll be looking for it.

1:03:32 Adam What is your question?

1:03:34 Caller I'm wondering what the long-term effects of mushrooms are.

1:03:38 Adam They don't know.

1:03:39 Drew We don't really know. Presumably is the same as other hallucinogens. That is the same chronic mood disturbances, anxiety.

1:03:46 Adam It's less, though.

1:03:47 Drew It's less. People don't use enough of it, at least yet, to really see those long-term problems.

1:03:52 Adam I've said that many times, too, Drew. I agree. People should use more mushrooms. I'm with Drew on this one. We got to start a campaign.

1:03:59 Drew But again, hallucinogens are one of the categories that really does seem to be associated with brain damage.

1:04:05 Adam How often are you eating the mushrooms over there?

1:04:08 Caller I decided to quit it. I don't like it, but I used to do it. I did it every two weeks, I guess, but I decided to stop.

1:04:13 Drew How many times did you do it, you think?

1:04:16 Caller Six times.

1:04:17 Drew Six times total.

1:04:19 Adam I used to do it every two weeks. How many times did you do it? That's great. All right, James, you're fine. All right, now, we'll be up there. Listen, you got that good beer and can of. You don't need the drugs. We'll be up there next week. Hey, Drew, you never did the mushrooms, I guess.

1:04:35 Drew No.

1:04:35 Adam You're not going to talk about it on the air.

1:04:36 Drew No, I never did.

1:04:37 Adam Brad, you ever do the mushrooms?

1:04:38 Brad Sherwood Yeah, one time.

1:04:39 Adam Yeah? Did you like it?

1:04:40 Brad Sherwood I laughed a lot.

1:04:41 Adam Yeah, me too. My side hurt the next day.

1:04:45 Brad Sherwood Lots of giggling.

1:04:45 Adam Everything is bizarre when you're high on mushrooms. It's great. And as I've said and haven't talked about this in, it seems like a few years, but the thing about, here's what's interesting about mushrooms and all hallucinogens, but especially mushrooms for some reason. Brad, you tell me if you identify with this at all. I've done mushrooms probably three, four times, maybe five times in my life. You really, you can only do them like every four years because your side hurts for three and a half years after you do them because you're laughing. But here's the deal. There's a lot of stuff, a lot of rituals that go on in society that you don't pay attention to because you don't have time to, because your head would explode. There's just a lot of ass that goes on. Everything from women pressing false eyelashes onto their eyelids, to what goes on at a Benihana at any given time, that you would really freak out over if you really sat down and thought about it, but you never do because you're too busy and your mind doesn't work that way. That's good because we'd all go insane. But when you get high on mushrooms, man, it's like somebody dropped you down from a spaceship. You sit there, and I remember watching a commercial for Lee Press On Nails. I was like, so the women take pieces of red plastic, the human women, the humanoid women, and they stick it to the end of their claws there, and it makes the little red, and I guess the red must be blood, and that makes them longer. Then men, the male species, are more attracted to them because those red blood claws are longer on their hands. I thought, that's weird. What's up with that? Then a monster truck commercial came on, and I saw big trucks smashing smaller trucks, and people standing up and cheering, and it was Ford versus Chevy, and stadiums of people like going nuts. I thought, wow, this is a really weird society we're right in the middle of, and let's not get high on mushrooms again because I'm really starting to freak out. You don't notice all this stuff because you're right in the middle of it, but you get high on mushrooms and you'll notice it, and it's weird.

1:06:48 Brad Sherwood You're aware of the minutiae, the strange aspects of the world.

1:06:52 Adam You haven't thought about it, but the concept of sticking a nail onto the end of your nail to be longer and redder than your nail is pretty weird if you're not used to it.

1:07:01 Drew Good thing you didn't see a Tommy Vue commercial or something, or a Ginzu Knives.

1:07:06 Adam Yeah, you know where I find all these beautiful bitches? I make money in real estate. I come to this country from Vietnam 20 years ago. I have nothing. I float over in a crock pot. Now I have this. I have helicopters. I have helicopter made by Ferrari. You want women? You want women? You see this boat? You see this boat? That's my boat. That's my toy. That's my toy. You see that Ferrari? That's my toy. You see those bitches? Those coke bitches? Those co-cars? I put them on my toy and I drive around in them. I have all this. All from real estate. See this picture? That's not my family. But that's family that could be like my family when I come from Vietnam. I have huge breasts and I'm skinny. I'm not fat. Do you remember Tom Fu? I think he's in jail or something right now. You want to make money like me?

1:07:52 Caller Or you soft? You sissy?

1:07:55 Adam You know want to work hard? You want to make money?

1:07:58 Caller You want this?

1:07:58 Adam That's my toy. You see that square boat? That has 370 horsepower V8 engine in there. That's my toy. That Ferrari? That's my toy. And I have Lamborghini too. That's my other toy. And see this driveway? Half circle. I start on one side and end up on another side. You won't be like me or you won't be pussy. Stay home, get fat. You see this Lego? That's my son toy.

1:08:30 Brad Sherwood See these Benoit balls?

1:08:33 Adam Yeah, it was great. He drives a great infomercial, late night real estate. And then they have commercials and then they have these like testimonies. Tom Vu showed me how to buy a three million dollar commercial property with no money down. They gave us money to buy it. And it's like, I always say then I buy a house and like, yeah, we're going to need 25 percent plus closing costs. I'm like, wait a minute, what about no money down? It was like, are you high?

1:08:58 Brad Sherwood Pay me to buy this house.

1:09:00 Adam Are you still high on mushrooms? Yeah, it's like, but Tom Vu says, no money down. I think he's in jail. I really do. And I want to get Tom Vu out of jail just so we can make more infomercials.

1:09:11 Drew This is a chance to demonstrate the DNC.

1:09:13 Adam Oh yeah. Yeah. Forget about the black guy shot the cop in Philly. I'm going down there and I'm going to get Tom Vu out of jail. You got the guts to make money like me? You want toy? That's my toy. The Ferrari, that's my toy. I drive Ferrari into my helicopter.

1:09:32 Drew Oh boy.

1:09:33 Adam There's like 15 blonde chicks on the bow of his ship as he drives it.

1:09:37 Drew Megan, 16. What's going on?

1:09:39 Adam What's up?

1:09:40 Caller Not much.

1:09:41 Adam You got guts or you scared?

1:09:42 Drew Do you have questions?

1:09:44 Caller Yeah, I have a question.

1:09:45 Caller Yeah, go ahead.

1:09:47 Caller About three days ago, I had anal sex with this guy and he came. I went to the bathroom afterwards and some of it came out, and I'm worried that I'm pregnant from it. What are the chances of me being pregnant?

1:10:02 Drew You mean like it traveled somehow?

1:10:05 Caller It came out.

1:10:06 Drew Yeah, but gravity dictated that it went away from you, yes?

1:10:11 Caller What?

1:10:12 Adam Okay. There's this thing called gravity. It's what holds you to the ground.

1:10:15 Caller Oh, God.

1:10:16 Adam Okay. Who is this guy?

1:10:19 Caller Just some guy I met.

1:10:21 Brad Sherwood Tom Vue.

1:10:23 Adam You let me cornhole you or you got guts? All right. You want to cornhole 16-year-old? You do it through real estate. I come here with nothing. I clean dishes. My family clean dishes. Now I have all this. This is where I keep my toys. That's a garage. All right. Hey, Megan.

1:10:45 Caller Yeah.

1:10:45 Adam All right. You're not pregnant, but what about the unprotected anal sex? How's that going there?

1:10:51 Caller What?

1:10:51 Drew You can get sexually transmitted diseases that way. And that's the best way, the most effective way to contract one.

1:10:57 Adam How old is the guy?

1:10:58 Caller 19.

1:10:59 Caller Oh, Megan.

1:11:00 Adam Yeah, he's great. He's a keeper, this guy. Is he your boyfriend? No. Yeah. Wow. What would you let your boyfriend do to you? Like rape you with a bowling pin or something? No. All right. How long have you known this guy?

1:11:15 Caller About like three weeks.

1:11:17 Drew Oh, boy.

1:11:17 Adam Do you like him?

1:11:18 Caller No.

1:11:19 Drew Oh, my God. Megan, what's up?

1:11:21 Adam Wow. What chicks are letting guys who they don't even like do to him these days? It breaks my heart.

1:11:25 Brad Sherwood When I was 16.

1:11:26 Adam Oh, my God.

1:11:28 Brad Sherwood No way.

1:11:28 Drew Megan, what's up?

1:11:30 Caller I don't know.

1:11:30 Drew Why are you doing that?

1:11:32 Caller I don't know.

1:11:33 Adam Where's daddy?

1:11:34 Caller He's sleeping.

1:11:36 Adam In prison?

1:11:36 Drew Is he an alcoholic?

1:11:37 Caller Yeah.

1:11:38 Caller Yeah.

1:11:39 Drew No kidding.

1:11:40 Adam All right. Hey, baby.

1:11:41 Caller What?

1:11:41 Adam I know daddy's an alcoholic, but can you stop acting out a little bit? Take it easy on your ass.

1:11:47 Drew Don't the fact that he is not a great guy, not available in the way you need him, doesn't mean that you have to pick up the banner and continue to abuse yourself. But do some things that make you feel better about yourself. I know it gives you some relief in the moment to do these sort of thrilling wild activities. But it makes you feel worse in the long run, doesn't it?

1:12:07 Caller Yeah. I've been with five people.

1:12:10 Adam All right. Hey, Megan, don't...

1:12:11 Drew You're going to get pregnant.

1:12:12 Adam Oh, man. This ain't going to get you pregnant, but you'll get pregnant some other way, all right? Okay. Don't get pregnant.

1:12:18 Drew You hear me? Get the emergency contraception, keep it in a medicine cabinet, and in the meantime, get on the pill.

1:12:25 Adam All right. We'll take a little break. We'll be back. Me, it's Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla. That is a, that's not Dr. Drew. He's on the phone with the Emmy Award-winning Jimmy Kimmel. Brad Sherwood is our guest tonight from Whose Line Is It Anyway, Thursday Nights, ABC, 8 and 8.30. Drew just hung up the phone with Jimmy. I'm guessing it was a medical thing unless Jimmy just called the bus with balls on something.

1:13:31 Brad Sherwood Well, I'll just dispense false medical information until he gets back.

1:13:36 Adam Well, you're an improvisational actor. You can cover.

1:13:38 Brad Sherwood Have some Valium and drink a full bottle of vodka. Touch yourself in inappropriate places in public.

1:13:44 Adam Thank you. Drew, what did Jimmy want back there? Does he have a medical problem?

1:13:49 Drew Yeah, he does.

1:13:50 Adam Oh, he is? Is he all right?

1:13:51 Drew He's fine. He also wants to know the age of consent in certain states. He's very preoccupied with the idea of under 16 year olds and adults.

1:13:59 Adam He wants to know the age of consent? Yeah.

1:14:01 Brad Sherwood Maybe it was that last call with the girl.

1:14:03 Adam In certain states. Oh, I think it has to do with a movie idea or something like that. There you go. All right. We're writing this movie for Ivan Reitman. Actually, Jimmy does all the work on it and I consult. Actually, I don't really consult. I just ask him how it's going. We're supposed to have a meeting with Ivan Reitman and we never do anything. Last time we met with him, he yelled at us. He actually yelled at us.

1:14:29 Drew What did he say?

1:14:30 Adam It's almost like, why are you wasting my time? I thought we were doing a movie, blah, blah, blah. So, now we're supposed to meet with him in a couple of days. We haven't done anything yet.

1:14:38 Drew That's good.

1:14:39 Adam So, we gotta meet again.

1:14:40 Drew That's good.

1:14:41 Adam Oh no, Jimmy's working on it. I'm prioritizing by framing my garage.

1:14:46 Drew Not to encourage you, but he appreciated Tommy Foo. I wonder if you heard your, what's the woman's name?

1:14:54 Adam Who's the woman?

1:14:55 Drew The woman, the Asian woman you met in Las Vegas. Has he heard your invitation of her?

1:14:59 Adam Has he heard my invitation of Minka?

1:15:01 Drew Minka.

1:15:02 Adam He was sitting there when Minka rammed her Korean shin into my American nuts. I'm number one Oriental big boob queen. You know why they like me? Because I'm skinny. I'm skinny and I have big boobs. And you know, I don't need money. I don't want money.

1:15:19 Brad Sherwood Was this a lap dance or something?

1:15:21 Adam Yeah. This is Minka, the number one Asian big boob queen. And they like me because I have skinny ass and big boobs. Big boobs. And I don't want money. OK, I give you three lap dance. That's $60. It's like Minka, I thought you didn't want money. Come on. Get serious. Minka need money. I like that. Yeah. Minka and Tom Voos should hook up to start like a super race of annoying Asians.

1:15:42 Brad Sherwood See that chevette outside? That's my toy.

1:15:45 Drew Minka-Voo.

1:15:46 Adam Minka-Voo. Oh, the kids will collect and trade their Minka-Voo dolls.

1:15:50 Brad Sherwood Minka-Voo cards.

1:15:52 Adam Minka, you get off my scarab both. You get big boobs all over toy.

1:16:00 Drew Jackie.

1:16:01 Caller Yeah.

1:16:01 Drew What's up, Jackie?

1:16:02 Caller Adam, I can't wait for you to be in charge.

1:16:04 Adam Oh, yes. You'll be the first to go though, Jackie.

1:16:07 Caller Can I be on your campaign team or something?

1:16:10 Adam Yeah, but I'm not going to give you an important role. You're going to be the one who goes around at night and staples my picture to a telephone poles.

1:16:18 Caller Cool. I got one of those guns.

1:16:20 Adam All right. You got a question for Brad?

1:16:22 Caller Brad, Brad, Brad. I shouldn't say I love you because I don't know you, but I like you.

1:16:26 Brad Sherwood Oh, well, thank you.

1:16:27 Caller I've been to the taping of your show a couple times.

1:16:29 Brad Sherwood Oh, was I actually there?

1:16:31 Caller Yes, you were there the first time.

1:16:32 Brad Sherwood Oh, good.

1:16:33 Caller And then the second time you weren't on the show, but you were hanging out in the rafters.

1:16:36 Adam Well, they kicked him off for not being funny for a half season, but then they let him back. He asked me not to talk about that over the air.

1:16:45 Caller I was there the first time you guys did a takeoff on who wants to be a millionaire when the furt in the show just first came out.

1:16:51 Caller And it was very good.

1:16:53 Caller But so all the suggestions that you take from the audience, are they really used?

1:16:57 Brad Sherwood What do you mean all the suggestions?

1:16:59 Caller Like all the ones that we write down before the show starts?

1:17:01 Brad Sherwood You know, I have no idea about that because we just, they show them to us when we're actually taping. So they have you guys write stuff down and I think they take them back and if they have 300 people there, you know.

1:17:13 Caller Yeah, that's just curious. But I enjoy it when you're on.

1:17:17 Brad Sherwood Oh, thank you.

1:17:18 Caller Yeah. And Adam.

1:17:19 Adam Yeah.

1:17:21 Caller I want you to tell the Volvo story again.

1:17:23 Drew Volvo.

1:17:24 Adam Oh, Volvo.

1:17:24 Caller Please, because I heard the second half of it and I was peeing in my pants.

1:17:27 Adam All right. I'll tell it real fast.

1:17:29 Drew Get on the can.

1:17:30 Adam I, by the way, just saw my barber Oscar on Saturday. He gave me a haircut.

1:17:36 Drew What's his full name?

1:17:37 Adam Oscars. I don't know what Oscar is. Yeah, Oscar is from Spain. And he's a great guy. He's very jovial. Although, you know, sometimes you think there's foreign guys and you go, wow, this guy's stupid. And then you think, no, it's just a language barrier. And then you go, no, if he was back in his home country, he'd be considered stupid. But he's very friendly, very jovial guy. He has a very thick accent. I said, like I said, he's from Spain. And he talks to me while he's cutting my hair. And I try to correct his English. And he says to me the other day, oh, this is two years ago. He goes, I'm thinking of trading in my bobo for a Saab. And I said, you mean your Volvo for a Saab? And he says, that is right. My bobo for Saab. Saab. I said, no, no, no, ask her, it's not a bobo. It's a, it's a Volvo. Yes, all right, the bobo. No, Volvo, bobo. So no, no. Okay. Let's forget about bobo for a second. Let's move on to the Saab.

1:18:45 Caller That's Saab. No, no, Saab, Saab.

1:18:49 Adam Okay. Wait, ask her, listen to me. You know the V that you're putting at the end of Saab? That V, you know, that V, that V, take that V, and let's take that V, and let's put it at the front. Let's graft it on to the front of bobo, okay? Because we know you can say the V now because you're calling the Saab a Saab. Saab. Okay. Now, let's go Saab, Saab, right? V, V, Saab. Now, we go to the front, we put it at the front, we take the B off of bobo, and we take the V from Saab. So here, let's give it a try.

1:19:21 Caller Bobo.

1:19:22 Adam No, no.

1:19:23 Caller Bobo.

1:19:24 Adam Now, so he takes a number two pencil, he puts it in his mouth, he puts it across his mouth, like, uh, uh, whoa, whoa. Now, he sounds like a retard mispronouncing bobo.

1:19:35 Caller So, bobo.

1:19:37 Brad Sherwood Maybe he's hearing him order the Berrien cream pie.

1:19:41 Adam You know, it's bizarre and no one has fully been able to explain this to me. I don't speak any language but English, and I barely speak that. But if you told me slowly how to pronounce something in your native tongue, I could mimic it, and I look at him and I go, Oscar, vo-vo, bo-bo. No, no.

1:20:03 Brad Sherwood Okay.

1:20:03 Adam I see.

1:20:04 Caller I think of a word.

1:20:05 Adam Ah, I think of it.

1:20:06 Caller Okay.

1:20:06 Adam Venezuela. Can you say Venezuela? Venezuela.

1:20:09 Caller Okay.

1:20:10 Adam Venezuela. Venezuela. Venezuela.

1:20:14 Caller Bo-bo.

1:20:15 Adam It's like, all right, now you're causing trouble. Bo-bo-zweila.

1:20:21 Caller Right.

1:20:25 Adam At what point does it become combative?

1:20:28 Brad Sherwood Who's on first? Sav.

1:20:32 Adam Oh, my God. I'm trying to think. I said, I picked a good Spanish word, like a good food that was like sombrero, or something like sombrero, right? Sombrero.

1:20:48 Caller Sav. Sav.

1:20:53 Adam How can you physically not say it? He physically could not move his mouth that way.

1:20:58 Brad Sherwood How was your hair after that particular?

1:20:59 Adam Oh, it was a mess. I was outraged. Jason?

1:21:03 Caller Yeah.

1:21:04 Adam What's up? You're 20.

1:21:06 Caller Yeah. Brad, I just got to say I love you from the old Who's Line.

1:21:10 Brad Sherwood Oh, thanks.

1:21:11 Caller The British version.

1:21:12 Brad Sherwood Thank you.

1:21:13 Caller Yeah, I watch it every day.

1:21:14 Brad Sherwood It was funnier then. It was metric.

1:21:16 Caller What?

1:21:17 Brad Sherwood The comedy was metric when we were in Britain.

1:21:18 Caller Oh, yeah. It's the same here in Canada. We get that on the comedy network.

1:21:23 Drew Jason?

1:21:24 Adam Yeah. Man Show will be on the comedy network soon.

1:21:27 Caller What is that? I'm not sure what that is.

1:21:29 Drew Don't worry about it.

1:21:29 Adam The comedy network is a network that...

1:21:31 Drew What's the Man Show?

1:21:32 Caller The Man Show.

1:21:32 Adam I'm just kidding. It's everything that is funny.

1:21:36 Caller Okay.

1:21:36 Adam All right.

1:21:38 Caller Anyways, I was on Paxil and I withdrew myself from that pill because the sexual side effects were too much for me.

1:21:47 Drew How quickly did you come off it?

1:21:49 Caller I was on it for both.

1:21:50 Drew No. How fast did you withdraw yourself?

1:21:53 Caller Immediately.

1:21:55 Drew You can't do that with Paxil. You'll have withdrawal. It feels very uncomfortable. You get dizzy and nauseated and just feel awful.

1:22:03 Caller Exactly.

1:22:04 Drew Go back on it.

1:22:06 Caller Well, I started Effexor.

1:22:08 Drew Well, Effexor, interestingly, is the other antidepressant that causes a very intense withdrawal.

1:22:13 Caller Yes, exactly. I'm just noticing that three days ago.

1:22:16 Drew You stopped Effexor now, too? If you want to get on something not the drug you were taking that might help reduce the withdrawal symptoms, Selexa tends to be able to help that way and tends to be easier to get off of.

1:22:28 Caller Okay.

1:22:29 Drew So that's what I do with people. I either put them back on and take them off slowly, which is what you should have done, or put them on some Selexa for a while.

1:22:36 Caller Selexa.

1:22:37 Drew Selexa.

1:22:37 Adam Where are you calling from Canada?

1:22:39 Caller Windsor. It's a river between Detroit.

1:22:44 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:22:45 Drew Near Buffalo or something?

1:22:47 Adam How far is Toronto from Windsor?

1:22:50 Caller Toronto is 400 kilometers, so...

1:22:52 Adam About three miles?

1:22:56 Caller 250 miles north of Windsor.

1:22:58 Adam Yeah. So is Toronto closer to Detroit?

1:23:02 Caller Windsor is right across. It's like... We have a bridge that's got a gap.

1:23:07 Adam How far is Toronto from New York? It's close, right?

1:23:09 Caller From New York? A plane ride is...

1:23:14 Adam Yeah. I would have.

1:23:15 Caller The state or New York City?

1:23:17 Adam Oh, New York City.

1:23:19 Caller Three hours.

1:23:20 Adam Really?

1:23:20 Caller Three hour drive from Niagara Falls. And then... Because Niagara Falls, Canada, and then Niagara Falls.

1:23:28 Adam All right, listen, I don't care about... I don't know anything about geography, but I got a placemat with the map on it. And I was looking at the little dot of Toronto and looking at the little dot of New York. And there's really... They're really about a quarter inch apart. And I know it's more than a quarter inch. I know it's more like...

1:23:45 Drew It's a world map, right? It's more like a foot.

1:23:48 Adam No, I mean, the distance from New York to Toronto was closer than like San Francisco to LA. I don't think it's a three hour plane flight, but it may have really slow planeset.

1:23:59 Drew No, no, he's talking about driving. He was talking about driving.

1:24:01 Adam First, he said plane.

1:24:02 Drew No, no, no, no, no, driving.

1:24:03 Adam At first, he said plane.

1:24:03 Drew He said three hours from Niagara Falls driving.

1:24:06 Adam I know, but first he said plane. He said plane flight. And then he went into the driving.

1:24:12 Brad Sherwood Mommy, daddy, can't we get along?

1:24:13 Adam No, no. You know what he should take? He should take a helicopter. That's my toy. That's right. I bet you want one too. You know why? You can't have, because you're scared. You're scared to make money. You're scared to make money like Tom Boo. I'm rich. You see I get all these women? They're all cocores. They want my money. And I give them money, because I'm not scared.

1:24:35 Brad Sherwood You mean Tom Boo.

1:24:36 Adam Tom Boo. My family, we come here in Crockpot, and now we have this. I wash dish.

1:24:47 Brad Sherwood I drive Bobo.

1:24:48 Adam I really wish I wash dishes for just like 10 minutes when I was 17, so I could tell everyone I used to wash dishes for a living. I think everyone should do that just on the off chance they become a celebrity or a millionaire. They could tell that story about washing dishes. Everyone should do some dishes. I mean, professional dishwasher.

1:25:04 Drew I swept streets.

1:25:06 Adam Did you?

1:25:06 Drew Yeah. Dump trash, swept streets.

1:25:09 Adam Really? Really?

1:25:11 Drew Yeah.

1:25:11 Adam Where? Oh, is that part of the community service after the Coke Bus? Very good. We'll take a break. We'll be back.

1:25:20 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:25:55 Caller Yeah.

1:25:56 Adam I love that riff. Brad Sherwood is our guest tonight. He's from Whose Line Is It Anyway, Thursday Nights, ABC. Eight and eight-thirty, by the way. And Drew said he was heading to Capitol Hill to what? What are you doing in Capitol Hill?

1:26:13 Drew Doing a presentation for Advocates for Youth. It's a good group. And NIDA, National Drug Abuse. And we're going to get him, Ron Leshner, who's got Mr. Ecstasy. He's going to be out here. I'll get him on the show. Really answer all the questions on ecstasy.

1:26:27 Adam Is Mr. Ecstasy naming on college?

1:26:31 Drew Yeah, ever since he was...

1:26:32 Adam Who calls him Mr. Ecstasy?

1:26:33 Drew Me.

1:26:34 Adam You do?

1:26:34 Drew Yeah.

1:26:35 Adam Why? Because he knows about it?

1:26:36 Drew He knows everything there is to know about it. He's at the National Institute of Health. He is sort of the expert on ecstasy.

1:26:42 Adam And so you're going to Capitol Hill?

1:26:44 Drew Yeah.

1:26:44 Adam I thought they only let models go there and talk about stuff they didn't know about.

1:26:49 Drew No, I'm going to be replacing one of the models. I have a little card I can read.

1:26:52 Adam Oh, that's really great. Who was that model? Who was in here? What was her name? Oh, I can't think of her name. What? Beverly Peele?

1:27:01 Drew Yeah.

1:27:01 Adam Yeah. Oh, that was one of the greatest nights of my life. Beverly Peele was a guest. And she just got done speaking on Capitol Hill on behalf of Planned Parenthood. And I said to her, what did you say? And she said, I don't know. And I said, well, how many of you don't know? Didn't you have to prepare something? Oh, no, they prepared it for me.

1:27:22 Drew They gave me some cards.

1:27:23 Adam I read some three by five cards. So I was like, well, let me ask you a question about this morning after Pills. She was like, huh? And I thought, that's what's wrong with this country. We get models to speak out on behalf of things that the models don't really care about. And they're stupid and they're not interested in it. And no one ever busts their balls on it because they're models. And then we have Beverly Peele standing in front of the folks on Capitol Hill talking about reading 3x5 cards about the teen pregnancy. It's great. Right. All right. You know what we should put? You know who should speak out on behalf of young people? Tom Foo. You scared? You want to make money, kiddies? You got guts like me? You want toys? You want toys? You want big boy toys? Just not toys, just not Lego.

1:28:13 Drew Oh boy.

1:28:13 Adam Jeff?

1:28:14 Caller Yes.

1:28:15 Adam You're 28. What's up?

1:28:17 Caller Well, you know, first off, say hey, I really like your show, and I thought I would never find myself calling you guys, but...

1:28:23 Drew But here we are.

1:28:24 Caller So what's going on?

1:28:25 Adam Hey, you know who I miss more than Tom Foo now that I think about it? Tony Little. Tony Little is the guy with the ponytail who's about four feet tall, and he's real buff, and he runs around, and he yells, Technique!

1:28:39 Caller Technique!

1:28:40 Adam And it's like he'll say to somebody, hey, do a sit up for me. Show me how you do a sit up, and the guy starts sitting down. No! That's all wrong! It's like, hey Tony, can I get my ass onto the carpet before you do it? No, Technique! Hey, do you want to hyper flex your deltoids? No? Technique! He starts screaming at people. He's got this ponytail. It's always great when short guys, guys under five-five decide to bulk up real big. That's a great look. The ladies really enjoy guys who are sort of wider than they are tall. So he just ran around and yelled, Technique! at everyone. I miss him. Yeah. I could get him and Tom Vu together. Jeff?

1:29:16 Caller Yeah.

1:29:16 Adam All right. So what's up? You're obsessed with vibrators in his anus.

1:29:22 Caller Yep. It's kind of strange. I'm a heterosexual. I love women. I'm not attracted to the opposite sex in any way.

1:29:31 Drew Same sex.

1:29:32 Adam Yeah.

1:29:32 Caller The same sex.

1:29:33 Adam That's called a Freudian slip there.

1:29:35 Caller Same sex.

1:29:36 Adam That wasn't really a Freudian slip. That was a Freudian slip.

1:29:38 Brad Sherwood Full on admission.

1:29:39 Adam That was a prodi. Did they have a Freudian cartwheel?

1:29:43 Caller No. But the thing is that I was married, has been married for like five years, and then I went through a divorce about eight months ago. And two months prior to our divorce, I started getting this fetish about masturbation with vibrators in my ass.

1:30:00 Drew You're gay.

1:30:01 Caller In my anus.

1:30:02 Caller Right. Yeah.

1:30:03 Caller And I don't know, I mean, is that normal, or is that something that you just, I mean, because it's just, it's mainly just with vibrators. And I started using my wife's vibrator. And just to...

1:30:13 Drew Wait, wait, wait, wait. There's a little, another little Freudian brody here.

1:30:17 Caller Yeah.

1:30:17 Drew Mainly just with vibrators?

1:30:20 Caller Just mainly vibrators.

1:30:21 Drew Mainly.

1:30:21 Caller I haven't tried. Well, I've stuck my finger in my butt.

1:30:23 Adam Finger-casual, finger-casual, table-like.

1:30:27 Brad Sherwood Cucumber.

1:30:27 Caller Nothing outlandish besides those two things. But I mean, the thing is-

1:30:31 Adam That's my toy.

1:30:31 Caller I first started doing it because it gave me a, well, it gave me a better sexual kind of orgasm. All right. Because I was sensitive down there.

1:30:41 Adam Does your wife know what kind of mileage you're putting on that vibrator before she then puts it up her?

1:30:47 Caller No, she didn't know because we're not married no more. And see, I got divorced. It was finalized like back in January.

1:30:55 Adam So the point is she's not using that vibrator?

1:30:59 Caller She probably still is.

1:31:00 Adam Yeah.

1:31:01 Caller But I mean, I clean it off. I'm very, very-

1:31:03 Adam Listen, you wiping it under the pit of your sweatshirt before you throw it back in the nightstand, it's not constitute cleaning it off. No, no, no.

1:31:10 Caller But my question is-

1:31:11 Caller Yikes.

1:31:13 Caller No, that's my question. Is it normal? I mean, I don't know. I just don't.

1:31:18 Adam Listen, it's somewhere in between normal and gay. What I mean is, it ain't normal, but it doesn't make you gay, but it helps. A good attorney could prove you were gay.

1:31:28 Caller Because I'm a very sexual person, so I like to have sex.

1:31:31 Adam No kidding.

1:31:33 Caller And it's just one of the things I just picked up lately.

1:31:36 Drew Oh, well.

1:31:37 Adam Just keep an eye on it.

1:31:39 Caller Keep an eye on it.

1:31:40 Adam You're fine.

1:31:40 Drew He's 28. He's not 14 yet.

1:31:42 Adam You're not going anywhere.

1:31:42 Caller At least it's safe sex.

1:31:43 Adam That's fine.

1:31:44 Drew Yeah, you're fine.

1:31:45 Adam Jeff, you're fine. What do you do for a living?

1:31:47 Drew Construction.

1:31:47 Caller What do I do?

1:31:48 Adam I'm a manager. No way.

1:31:49 Drew Yeah.

1:31:50 Caller I manage people.

1:31:51 Adam I manage people. Try to keep this one.

1:31:53 Drew Restaurant? Restaurant management?

1:31:54 Caller Yeah. No, actually warehouse distribution.

1:31:57 Adam All right. Hey, Jeff.

1:31:57 Brad Sherwood You have to be a tight ass. Wait a minute.

1:32:00 Adam Let me give you a piece of advice. Don't get drunk at a Christmas party and start flapping your jaw about this one, all right?

1:32:07 Brad Sherwood No.

1:32:07 Caller I pretty much keep it on a tight raft.

1:32:09 Adam And let me just give everyone a note. And by the way, if you're going to put a vibrator in your ass, I have one word for you, technique! You're doing it wrong! Okay. Here's the deal.

1:32:22 Drew It'd be a vibrator?

1:32:25 Adam Vibrator. Vibrator.

1:32:26 Brad Sherwood Vibrator, yeah.

1:32:29 Adam Vibrator. If you're going to, yeah, Oscar the Barber pronounced it, bivrator.

1:32:33 Caller Vibrator.

1:32:34 Adam If you're going to, there are certain things that you do in your life, and you think because you do them and because it feels natural and because it feels good that other people will either do it or have a sympathetic anus, it is not true. Don't tell your bodies about this. Don't tell your coworkers about it. It's just between you and the vibrator, all right? But that's fine. Crystal?

1:32:57 Caller Yeah.

1:32:58 Adam You're 14? What's up?

1:33:01 Caller Like, when I was between like 12 and 13, my best friend who was like 24 shouldn't have any other friends.

1:33:11 Drew A 24-year-old was hanging out with a 12-year-old?

1:33:14 Caller Yeah. I'm really mature.

1:33:17 Drew You're 14. Do you hang out with 12-year-olds?

1:33:19 Caller No.

1:33:20 Drew Doesn't that kind of strike you as weird?

1:33:22 Caller Yeah.

1:33:23 Drew Okay. Just think about that. Think about who that person must have been.

1:33:26 Caller I know.

1:33:27 Drew That even at 14, you don't hang out with 12-year-olds. She was 10 years older than you are now.

1:33:31 Caller All right.

1:33:33 Caller Well, she just moved in a couple of houses down from me and she-

1:33:37 Drew Well, then that explains it.

1:33:38 Brad Sherwood Yeah.

1:33:38 Adam If she was within 170 feet of your house, then it's fine by luck.

1:33:41 Caller Well, she didn't have any other.

1:33:42 Brad Sherwood Let's kick the candle.

1:33:43 Caller I babysat for her too.

1:33:45 Drew You beat?

1:33:46 Caller She had a seven-year-old and a two-year-old.

1:33:48 Adam Okay. She was lonely. So what happened?

1:33:51 Caller Well, her boyfriend, since they were 13, we got, I don't know, we didn't go all the way or anything, but we did a lot of stuff together. And like it was intimate and everything, but like and she found out because, I don't know, he blamed it on me and he finally told her that it was all my fault.

1:34:13 Adam How old is he?

1:34:14 Caller He was like 24 at the time.

1:34:16 Adam Right.

1:34:17 Drew He's a dick.

1:34:18 Adam And what was her reaction to that?

1:34:21 Caller We were both like hysterical and I'm more so than she was.

1:34:26 Drew She's 24. Christ's sake. So is he. You're in no position to render consent, let alone be responsible for that sort of thing.

1:34:34 Caller And then so they moved back to where they came from. And.

1:34:39 Adam Yeah. Crampville.

1:34:41 Brad Sherwood Pedophilia.

1:34:42 Drew Hell yeah.

1:34:43 Caller No. And they stayed together for almost a year later. And I just went to visit her over the summer. And don't say where I'm from, okay?

1:34:53 Adam Yeah, I don't care. I don't know where you're from.

1:34:55 Caller Okay. Well, and I went to go visit her. And they went together anymore, but he came to see the kids. And he just, I don't know, when I saw him, I was just, you know, I mean, I was the first person that I ever, you know, did anything with.

1:35:10 Caller And so, you know.

1:35:12 Adam Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What's going on here? Where's your parents?

1:35:16 Caller Well, my mom left when I was in third grade.

1:35:19 Adam All right, so now this is mommy.

1:35:22 Drew Yeah, this is your new mommy.

1:35:23 Adam You got a new mom, except for she's effed up.

1:35:25 Drew Well, just as effed up as mom was.

1:35:26 Caller Oh, we're not friends anymore.

1:35:28 Drew Yeah, well.

1:35:29 Adam All right. And listen, the guy's a criminal, the girl's an idiot, you're 14, they don't live down the street anymore, right?

1:35:37 Caller Right.

1:35:38 Adam All right, good. Move on with your life and start acting 14.

1:35:42 Drew You're 14, you're not 24.

1:35:44 Adam All right.

1:35:44 Drew It's reality.

1:35:45 Adam And listen to me. All old people that want to hang out with young people, even if they're trying to help them.

1:35:50 Drew Flawed.

1:35:50 Adam I don't trust them.

1:35:51 Drew No.

1:35:51 Adam Flawed. Flawed. There should be the impulse of an adult wanting just to kind of kick it with a 13, 14 year old. Something's up with that person. Even if they're decent people, even if they're only raping them on a rare occasion, still, still flawed. Don't trust them.

1:36:10 Creepy.

1:36:11 Adam We'll take a break.

1:36:13 Loveline, Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, we'll be right back.

1:36:52 Adam Dr. Drew in a rare entertainment. I want to thank Brad Sherwood for coming in here. Whose line is it anyway, everybody? Thursday nights, just three short days before that's on TV market on your calendar. Brad?

1:37:07 Brad Sherwood Thank you so much for having me. Thanks for coming on. My pleasure. Thanks for the Tom Vue. It was delightful. The Bobo story.

1:37:14 Adam Yeah. Bobo and Tom Vue, we really got it all in tonight. If I had only done Tim the Russian Rapper, the trilogy would have been complete.

1:37:20 Brad Sherwood It would have been a xenophobe trilogy.

1:37:23 Adam Until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:37:27 Caller Well, I was wondering what's more?

1:37:35 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, August 14, 2000