Episode 1000754887149

1:05 Voiceover Adam Cruller and Dr. Drew. Love Line, coast to coast.

1:12 Hey!

1:13 Hey!

1:14 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number, 310-8-5-4-4-2-4-55. Dr. Drew's board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. You know I don't like to read, Drew.

1:29 Drew Yeah.

1:30 Adam I'm not a reader.

1:31 Drew None of us have any doubt about that.

1:33 Adam I believe it poisons the mind.

1:35 Drew You've made that clear. At least you've behaved as though that's how it affects you.

1:39 Adam I don't even like to read as it pertains to my job.

1:42 Drew Yeah.

1:42 Adam And a lot of people I think think that I know what the calls are before they come. Nothing could be further from the truth. Drew reads the calls that are up on this little screen, and he puts a little post-it piece of paper next to the box that he wants me to punch. I do have to read the number, although I'm not sure if that's reading.

2:02 Drew Well, you read the name.

2:03 Adam Do numbers count? And I do read the name.

2:05 Drew You got the name right 50% of the time.

2:07 Adam 50 to 60% of the time. And we are living in a melting pot here in the United States, Drew, so I think that's a decent batting average.

2:16 Drew Especially since she puts those Cambodian letters up there sometimes.

2:19 Adam The point is, is I was sitting here early. I got here early tonight. I got here about six or seven minutes before the show began.

2:26 Drew Wow.

2:27 Adam Yeah, I had some time on my hands. Wasn't sure what to do with myself. So I sat in here and I was reading the screen and I was looking at line one, had sex with best friend's girlfriend and there's a little blackmail thing going on there. Then line three, where there is no line two on the board right now, line three, where someone loves the man show, wants to know about the juggies. Then line number four, where boy scout leader came on to one of the boy scouts. And line number five, there's someone named Paul who's 24, wants to get his 26 year old buddy laid, he's a virgin, wants to find a good escort. And then line number six, that's 18 year old Mary, just found out she was pregnant, wants to know about the long term physical and emotional effects of abortion. And I sat and I looked at those and I said, well, I'll tell you the one I wouldn't start out with, I'll tell you the one that would be the downer. Now, I should be doing my job in reading this screen on other nights, I just never do. And then I thought, I gave it a minute and I thought, yeah, this will be interesting to see which one Drew picks because I normally never question it. I don't audit Drew's work, I just sit here.

3:35 Drew You want to know my thinking?

3:36 Adam Shut up. I sat here and I said, let's see which one Drew picks and I thought, I bet that son of a bitch goes with the abortion call. And then I thought, nah, that's a downer. We've talked about opening the show with the downer calls before. He wouldn't do that. And pow, Drew sits down. Pow, goes right for the abortion call. Now, what's your retarded logic?

3:56 Drew It's not about the abortion. It's about the pregnancy.

3:59 Adam Sometimes an abortion have long-term effects.

4:02 Drew It'll be about the pregnancy.

4:03 Adam Abortion. How do you know? That's what it says.

4:06 Drew Because I'm interpreting what's up there. But listen, there are many nights when we're alone that I will just start with what I would call a routine loveline call. And I thought tonight I'm going to find something routine because we have some good ones to get into, but I don't want to open with stuff that...

4:22 Adam How about starting the show with a good one?

4:23 Drew All this stuff could get really heavy and down.

4:29 Adam You retard.

4:30 Drew Seriously? Well, not this one.

4:31 Adam What about the long-term effects of abortion? That's not a heavy... I got another one with a guy who wants to get his 26-year-old buddy laid. I got another one who loves the man show.

4:42 Drew These are pathetic and these are heavy.

4:45 Adam Drew, there's one call on there wants to know about the long-term implications of abortion. The others have to do with dating. So, you wanted to start with a light-hearted one.

4:57 Drew You pick... Go ahead. You pick and we'll see what happens.

5:00 Adam Oh, no, no, no.

5:01 Drew No, no, no.

5:02 Adam How dare you?

5:03 Drew No. No. No.

5:04 Adam No.

5:05 Drew No.

5:08 Adam Mary?

5:09 Yeah?

5:09 Adam You're 18?

5:10 Caller Yes.

5:12 Adam You think about having an abortion?

5:15 Caller Well, I don't really have an option.

5:16 Adam I see.

5:18 Drew How did you just found out you're pregnant?

5:20 Adam This is a laugh ride.

5:22 Caller Yeah.

5:22 Drew What just happened? What happened? I mean, how was it? You got a pregnancy test over the counter or something?

5:27 Caller Yeah. I went to the store and I got two different pregnancy tests.

5:31 Drew This is with your boyfriend or what's going on here?

5:35 Caller I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years. And this is the first time we had sex and we used protection.

5:42 Adam All right. Not your fault. So you want to get an abortion?

5:45 Caller Yeah.

5:45 Adam And what do you want to know?

5:48 Caller First, I want to know what the age is in the state of Illinois without parent consent.

5:53 Adam You're 18. You can do what you want.

5:55 Drew I think it's like 14. Oh, no.

5:57 Caller I'm not 18. I'm 17.

5:58 Drew All right. Well, again, I don't know when Illinois, but I'm sure it's not, it's younger than 18, I suspect.

6:03 Caller It's younger than 18.

6:06 Drew I suspect.

6:07 Caller And I also wanted to know, I've heard that it can cause permanent sterility.

6:12 Drew Well, very rarely. But now you've got RU-486 available too.

6:16 Adam Yeah. Go down to Planned Parenthood and see what they have to say. That's funny. Are you ready to roll there? This next caller is Brian, who's 32, called about the Man Show. Hey, guy. Which is on right now. You know which episode's on. Brand new episode. Jimmy Marries the Monkey.

6:36 Caller Oh, no.

6:38 Adam Yes.

6:39 Drew This will have repercussions.

6:40 Adam Very controversial. Jimmy Kimmel Marries the Monkey episode. And of course, me.

6:44 Drew He doesn't marry her. He just consummated.

6:47 Adam Well, he has a monkey wife. I don't know if it's actually a marriage or not, but there is a very graphic. If you're a feeble or of the weak of heart, you may not want to watch this. What Jimmy does with this monkey is an act against nature and God and his family.

7:09 Drew Yeah.

7:09 Adam Yeah. And I do Benny Hill. So it's a very strong show. Go ahead, Brian.

7:14 Caller I taped that just in case it couldn't be aired again due to that controversial monkey love scene.

7:20 Drew Now, is this a misprint up here or is your name Brain and not Brian?

7:25 Caller That happens a lot. Brian, E-R-I-A.

7:28 Drew Good.

7:28 Adam Yeah. See? It's a good thing I can't read.

7:31 Caller I was going to apologize to Dr. Drew for calling to talk about the man show, but did he call me pathetic?

7:36 Adam No.

7:36 Drew Not you.

7:37 Adam He called your kind pathetic.

7:39 Caller I see.

7:40 All right.

7:41 Adam So, keep love on me. Would you please?

7:43 Sure.

7:43 Caller Hey, I love the man show. It keeps getting better and better all the time.

7:47 Adam Thank you.

7:48 Caller You and Jim, you're great. I want to know, it seems like a natural progression would be to get the Juggies nude somewhere.

7:55 Adam Yes.

7:56 Caller Playboy, perhaps Playboy Pictorial in the future for the Juggies maybe?

8:00 Adam Well, we don't pimp for them, although Lord knows we'd like to. We just don't have that. They have agents and whatnot. So that's up to them. I have no idea.

8:09 Caller The twins, the Julie and Shawnee.

8:12 Adam Yes.

8:13 Caller They're my favorite.

8:14 Adam Yeah, they're good.

8:15 Drew That's nice.

8:15 Adam They're very good. Yes. And they are, they're darling. They're from Kentucky and-

8:20 Drew These are the basketball players, right?

8:22 Adam Yeah. Yeah. They sure are from Kentucky. They still got, they still got hay in their crack from being in Kentucky. Yes, they're quite rambunctious, those two.

8:33 Drew That's what they told you that was.

8:34 They're darling.

8:36 Adam All right. You ready to rock here, Drew? Let's go and talk to Ian. Ian?

8:41 Caller Hey, Adam.

8:42 Adam Hey, you're 14. What's going on?

8:43 Caller Yeah, I am. I called Wednesday.

8:46 Caller Drew, why are you still on the show?

8:48 Drew Oh, this is this guy. This is this guy. Yes, yes. Now I know why I didn't go- Would you rather have opened with this? Yeah. Would this have been a lot better?

8:54 Adam Yes. Ian, you fired Drew last week, didn't you?

8:57 Yeah. Why is he still there?

8:58 Adam Screw you, Drew. And you also, didn't you fire Anderson as well?

9:03 Right. Yep. I didn't get him this time around.

9:05 Adam No. Ian, let me explain something. First, let me apologize to you because I know you called in Wednesday, you wanted these guys gone, and here it is the next week, Sunday, and they're still here.

9:16 All right.

9:16 Adam Let me explain how things work. And they're lawyers, these guys have attorneys, they have contracts, they have things like that. We can't just axe them. Hold on. There's a two-week notification, period, that has to be given. It's stated in Drew's contract. He must get that kind of leeway before he's terminated. Is that true? Anderson, I'm not sure. Anderson, I think, has a 20-minute leeway. But I know Drew has two weeks. So we're gonna have to give it about another 10 or 11 days. Or working days, that is, Ian. Is that all right?

9:48 Caller Yeah, okay. I'll call in again on that point.

9:51 Adam Thank you, buddy.

9:51 Drew Now that is a dirty little bastard. I wish we'd start with that call.

9:56 Adam He calls in, oh, it says his Boy Scout leader came on to him.

10:00 Drew You see, my instincts aren't that bad.

10:02 Adam He's been, yes, they're horrible. Oh, oh, your instincts.

10:06 Drew You wanna start with him?

10:07 Adam Let me explain something, Drew.

10:08 Drew Or with the Man Show guy?

10:09 Adam What was that? How dare you?

10:10 Drew Why do we even have these girls?

10:11 Adam Let me explain something.

10:12 Drew Yes.

10:13 Adam You have no instincts. You have knowledge that you've accumulated from reading books and watching PBS, although not enough so you know who Huel Hauser is. But the point is, there's no instincts. You have what's been taught to you. Now, the good news is you've been taught a lot more than most.

10:31 Drew Yes.

10:31 Adam So you're fine. Right. But we all know about how your gut works.

10:35 Drew Okay. Well, however, however, I arrived at the conclusion to pick the call I picked.

10:39 Adam Yes.

10:39 Drew So far, of the two potentials that might have been picked, Oh, yeah, yeah. Yours was great.

10:45 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Chick calling from her car phone, wanting to get an abortion.

10:48 Drew Let's keep going.

10:51 Adam It just gets worse when you try to defend yourself. Just just relax and take your beating. Wisdom.

10:56 Hello.

10:57 Adam You're 16.

10:57 Caller Yes.

10:58 Adam What's up?

11:00 Caller Nothing much. Yes. My question is, what does Mahalo mean? All right.

11:05 Adam Is your real name Wisdom?

11:07 Caller Yes.

11:08 Drew Where are you from?

11:10 Caller I'm from Japan.

11:12 Drew What's the Japanese version of wisdom?

11:14 Caller I don't know. I mean, I was born here and I went back to Japan. We went to Japan. Yes.

11:23 Drew Don't you think they came up with the name wisdom? Does it mean it sort of loses something in the translation perhaps? Maybe it's a name that...

11:30 Adam Does wisdom mean wisdom?

11:32 Drew In Japanese?

11:33 Caller No. No.

11:36 Drew How would you say wisdom in Japanese?

11:37 Adam Hold on a second. Whatever we're trying to infer with the wisdom.

11:41 Drew Yeah, don't even bother.

11:42 Adam He didn't get it.

11:43 Drew Yeah, yeah.

11:43 Adam So it's kind of funny that you're trying to talk to a guy named wisdom about the meaning of his name wisdom and he has no goddamn idea what you're talking about. You know what I'm saying?

11:54 Caller Yeah, I know.

11:56 Adam It'd be like if a guy was named Retardo but he was ten times smarter than you. Same sort of irony.

12:01 Drew Right.

12:02 Adam Hi there, wisdom.

12:03 Caller Hi.

12:04 Adam What's your last name just for fun?

12:06 Caller Uh, Hong.

12:08 Adam Hong?

12:09 Caller H-O-N-G.

12:10 Adam Yeah. Isn't that Chinese?

12:12 Caller I'm Chinese. Oh.

12:13 Adam I thought you said you went to Japan.

12:15 Drew Born here, grew up in Japan.

12:17 Caller My family went to Japan.

12:19 Adam Okay.

12:20 Yeah.

12:20 Drew What is the Chinese word for wisdom?

12:22 Caller Chinese word? I have a different name for my Chinese name.

12:27 All right.

12:27 Drew Strike three.

12:28 Adam Forget it. Forget it. Okay. See, here's what happens on this show. There was a movie called The Great Escape, and in that movie, Steve McQueen kept getting sent to the cooler, they called it. Right. That was solitary confinement. And Steve McQueen, he always brought with him a glove and a baseball when he went to that solitary confinement. And he sat down on one wall, and he did this thing where he bounced it right at the foot of the wall, about two feet in front, like a handball shot. Then it came up and hit the wall, ba-boom, and into his mitt, ba-boom, into his mitt, ba-boom, into his mitt. That's how he passed the time when he was in the cooler. Now, I look at this studio as the cooler for us. I'm done helping people. I've heard every problem 300 times. I try to amuse myself by picking up the little nuances that come in every night. We got a guy named Wisdom, he grew up in Japan, then he came out here, except for turns out he's Chinese. Try to delve a little, see what we can get. Maybe we can learn something. But you know what? No. No matter how many times we ask Wisdom about his name or what it means or how interesting it is, we get nothing. His name might as well just be Frank and we just keep talking to a guy from Philadelphia whose name is Frank, we just keep talking to him about his name, Frank.

13:45 Drew With a funny accent.

13:46 Adam And he just keeps answering, he doesn't know and it doesn't mean anything. Okay. So thanks for that, Wisdom. Next time I travel to the Middle East, I'll have this little piece of information I'm sure will help me. Okay, what's your question?

14:00 Caller What does Mahalo mean?

14:01 Adam Oh yeah. You know what Mahalo means?

14:03 Caller I don't know.

14:04 Adam Well, same thing Wisdom means in Japan, jackass. Have fun.

14:12 Caller Hold on, hold on.

14:14 Adam Wisdom?

14:15 Caller Hi.

14:15 Adam What do you want? You want to know what Mahalo means? It means Mahalo.

14:20 Mahalo?

14:21 Adam Mahalo.

14:22 Oh.

14:23 Adam You want to know what Mahalo means?

14:25 Yes.

14:26 Adam Mahalo. Yeah. Oh, oh, you want to know what it means in Hawaiian?

14:33 Caller Huh.

14:34 Adam What? Mahalo? Yeah. Yeah. How's it feel? Nothing. You get nothing. You get nothing. Go home. Sleep like a baby tonight. You learn nothing. Good. That's how I feel when I talk to you idiots. Did 20 minutes on what wisdom could have meant. Didn't get anything out of him. Good. Go look up Mahalo. Look up your own name while you're at it. Anthony?

15:01 Caller Yeah.

15:03 Adam.

15:04 Adam I'm sure I didn't make the translation. I'm sure he just thinks I'm insane. You're 17, Anthony. What's up?

15:10 Caller Me and my best friend's girlfriend had sex. She came over and she said that if we didn't keep doing it, that she would tell him and I don't want him to get mad.

15:21 Drew She didn't say that.

15:23 Caller No.

15:23 Adam Yeah.

15:24 Caller I swear.

15:24 Adam Really? Yeah.

15:25 I swear to God.

15:26 Adam What's she look like? She got to be some kind of ugly.

15:29 She's really hot.

15:30 Adam No, no, no. Listen to me. You listen to me. No really hot girl black males. A 17 year old screwball for sex.

15:38 Caller No. What happened when Nathan is ugly. What happened was I was going out.

15:43 Drew Now it's even more vulgar.

15:44 Adam Well, who's Nathan?

15:45 Caller My best friend.

15:48 Adam Now we don't believe you.

15:49 Caller I'm serious.

15:50 Adam Why are you using his name?

15:52 Caller Why am I using his name?

15:53 Adam Yeah. Aren't you worried? Aren't you worried he's going to be listening? Aren't you worried?

15:57 Caller No, he's asleep right now.

15:58 Adam How do you know?

15:59 Caller Because he goes to school. We were supposed to go out tonight. He had to go to sleep because he's got a wrestling tournament tomorrow.

16:05 Adam Oh, banging a wrestling guys check. All right. All right. Keep going.

16:12 Caller What happened was my girlfriend and her were best friends. Me and my girlfriend hooked her up with him. But I would never. I always thought she was cute, but I would never make any passes on her because she first was my girlfriend, then she was going out with Nathan because me and my girlfriend broke up and her and Nathan got into a fight, and she came over my house one night.

16:36 Adam Yeah. He had sex.

16:38 Caller Well, we started talking and she, you know, I was, she said that she wanted me to talk to Nathan and I started like, you know, trying to tell her what she could do, you know, because me and Nathan have been best friends since we've been together for about four years.

16:50 Adam And then you finger-banged her.

16:52 Caller We, you know, one thing led to another.

16:54 Adam All right. But listen, and listen to me, screwball. Yeah. How often are you two having sex?

17:00 Caller Well, after that, I told her that we couldn't do it.

17:02 Adam Yeah, right. But how often are you two having sex?

17:04 Caller That was the first time. She, I talked to her tonight. And she wanted to come over. And I said she couldn't come over.

17:11 Adam That'll be fine. She's not going to say anything.

17:13 Drew No way she's going to say something.

17:15 Adam We have, listen, we get this blackmail question once and again. And here's how it works. It's always the same rant. There's some uncle who's 35 who gave his nephew a handi or something when the kid was 12. And now he's threatening that if he doesn't let him give him another hand job, he's going to tell the whole family he let him give him a hand job. Now, here's the problem with that logic. It's as if me and Drew robbed the bank together. I shot the security guard. And then I said to Drew, unless you come over and give me another hand job, which Drew would do anyway. But unless you give me a hand job, I'm going to turn you in for the bank robbery. Which is retarded because not only did I rob the bank with you, but I'm the guy who shot the guard. Same deal with this girl. Not only is this guy going to be P.O.ed at this guy, but she's in a world of hurt. And obviously is not going to say anything.

18:15 Drew Unless she wants to get at this guy, she really hates him as an abusive situation. She's missed chaos. In which case is coming out anyway. Exactly. She can do it anyway. You got to stay as far away as possible from the situation.

18:28 Adam Talk about flattery, though, being blackmailed for sex as a man. You know you've arrived. You know what I mean? I mean, Anthony, enjoy this moment, because it ain't getting any better than this. I had a funny story when it's been long enough, I guess I can talk about it. You know my buddy Ray? Then my other buddy Chris.

18:48 Caller Yeah.

18:49 Adam Ray was screwing around with Chris' girlfriend.

18:52 Drew No.

18:53 Adam Behind his back.

18:54 Drew No.

18:55 Adam This is like ten years ago, okay? And she was really hot. And Ray and Chris were both kind of the alpha male types. I mean, both guys could hurt you. And if those two ever got together, they'd tear the house down, okay? Which they did one time. But that's another story. The point is Ray was sneaking around behind Chris' back with his girl. And this wasn't in high school. This, we were 23, 24, something like that, right? And these guys did a fair amount of drinking and drugs, whatever. Everyone was pretty volatile and everyone was big. And this kind of thing that we always knew that when the word leaked, there would be some action. I mean, physical action would go down whenever Chris heard it.

19:43 Drew Action, like military action.

19:45 Adam Like, no, it's like going through doors, like, you know, like fights in movies where people get thrown through windows and stuff, that kind of stuff. They both had a history, you know, there was plenty to support that. So one day at a party, one night at a party, the girl, Chris' girlfriend, he was making out with Ray in some back room.

20:11 Drew She was?

20:11 Adam Yeah.

20:12 Drew Is she nuts? She was nuts.

20:14 Adam Yeah, everyone was nuts. But the point is, no, no, no. What happened? Okay, but hold on a second. How dare you? What happens is, is people drink all night long. You become a, you sneak around for enough months and you start getting a little soft. And when your mind gets a little soaked with booze, you make some pretty bad decisions. That's a lot of what people do when they're young. A big party, big house, and Chris is out by the pool or something, probably a dog and some other girl. Rays in the bedroom is making out with her, right? Snake comes stumbling in drunk, catches the two in an embrace, realizes what's going on, and immediately starts screaming for Chris. Because Snake-

20:57 Drew Is he still alive?

20:58 Adam Yeah.

20:58 Drew Is he nuts?

20:59 Adam No, Snake's good. But listen to this, this is diabolical. Snake is this drunkard in hell and he starts, he's going to start screaming for Chris. Because Snake is Chris' buddy and my buddy and, and Ray's buddy too. But he's going to go tell Chris what's going on. It's the only right thing to do. And the girl is really beautiful. So Snake starts screaming and they, of course, but no, no, no, no, no, no. You know, and he starts heading out the door and they practically tackle him. You can't go out there. You can't say anything. If you, if he, if he hears, there's going to be a huge fight. I mean, this is going to, someone could get killed.

21:30 Drew I know it's coming here. It's going to be sick.

21:31 Adam No, it's not that bad. It's not that bad.

21:33 Drew Snake asked for favors.

21:34 Adam Snake said, I won't say anything.

21:37 Drew If.

21:38 Adam But you got to make out with me right now. Just make out. Wasn't, you know, no oral sex. No, nothing like that. Just you got to make out with me. Now, she was pretty disgusted by the whole notion. But everyone's drunk. You're in the middle of this party. And he's heading through that door to make it, you know, pull the needle off the, the record and make an announcement. So what are you going to do? So Ray says, who's really in love with the girl, you know, that you got to make out with him. Start making out. I always thought that was just the most, I thought it was pretty good thinking on Snake's part.

22:19 Drew He went down and out anyway, though, right?

22:21 Adam No.

22:22 Drew Now is that the girl who made out with Snake and Ray.

22:25 Adam No, no, no, because now Snake can't say anything because he made out with her too, right? Right. Well, you know. All right. I think they found out like two weeks later, they ended up just destroying her house, I think. It was a different house now. We will take ourselves a little break. Man show is on. Are we on a commercial? Is Jimmy loving the monkey yet? What's going on? Yeah.

22:50 He already did the monkey.

22:50 Adam Oh, he did the monkey. We got Benny Hill going over there.

22:53 That's over.

22:54 Adam What do we got? A commercial?

22:55 Caller European and some kind of latrine.

22:59 Adam Oh, OK. I'm urinating on something.

23:00 Caller Get in a wallet.

23:01 Caller All right.

23:01 Adam We'll take a little break. We'll be back.

23:25 You're listening to Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio.

23:28 Caller 100.7 The Buzz.

23:43 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191. I'm going to blow my own horn for a second here, Drew.

23:51 Drew Okay.

23:53 Adam We're just watching the famous Man Show in there. It was-

23:55 Drew The Man Show? As I was saying, it's becoming the Chuggy Show.

23:58 Adam Well, you give the kids what they want. Well, we were-

24:00 Drew Let's change the name.

24:02 How dare you.

24:03 Drew That's really what they want.

24:04 Adam Well, listen, we're going to change Loveline to the Adam Carolla Show.

24:08 Drew If you wish.

24:08 Adam Same difference. Here's the thing. I just got done doing the Wheel of Destiny, which is a very big bit for the Man Show, and it's one where I urinated on a guy's wallet who was out in the audience. You come up from the audience, you can spin that wheel, land on something good or land on something bad. Something good is good and something bad is me whizzing on your wallet. Or at least that was one of the eight or 10 that were up there. And sure enough, we pulled this guy's wallet right out of his back pocket, dropped it in a urinal. I turned my back to the audience and whizzed all over that thing. I got a lot of feedback from people wanting to know how I did that.

24:46 Drew How you peed?

24:47 Adam How I peed in front of a large group of people.

24:50 Drew Because you're back to the audience.

24:52 Adam I know, but how it came out, apparently, for guys, and we've heard this on this show a few times. I never thought much of it. Whenever there's something you can do that feels pretty good, I didn't go to urine camp, although I did sort of minor in it in high school, but there was a fair amount of urine training, but it was a bigger part of my life than most, but the point is, is I wasn't taught how to, I'm not like Sting, I didn't work on my muscles or something down there. I just said, and I'd always answer people, what do you mean? I just turned around, I peed on the guy's wallet. What are you talking about? I had to take a leak, and they're like, every guy who's come up to me, and it was kind of funny too, these same guys who never come up to compliment, like boy, that bit was funny, or how do you do this, or how do you do that? They're like, how'd you pee on that wallet, dude? All of a sudden, I've won their respect.

25:41 Drew People have pee shy.

25:42 Adam Yeah, and I realize a lot of guys are that way, and they can't rally, and I think they're biggest, they can't take a whiz at a Lakers game, much less in front of 300 or 400 people in an audience.

25:55 Drew No, I have to collect that. I get observed, no, no, no, I have no problem with it, but I've observed urines and people treating addicts.

26:02 Adam Sure, yeah, I mean, whatever gets you off, Drew, it's your business.

26:05 Drew And they all, a lot of them who have been using claim, well, I can't pee in front of them, I'm too shy, can't do it, yet.

26:12 Adam Listen, I can pee in front of you, or I can pee on you, it doesn't matter to me. Michael? Yes. Ooh, you're 19, what's up?

26:23 Caller Yeah, I was having sex with my girlfriend the other night and my penis started making this popping sound and I was wondering if I was hurting it or doing anything.

26:32 Adam You want me to pee on it?

26:34 Caller Yeah, I want you to pee on it if you could.

26:36 Adam All righty. Yeah, it's cracked. It's cracked. That's happened to me. Yeah? Yeah.

26:42 Caller I was just wondering if I should be worried about it or what, because I mean it didn't like swell up or anything.

26:46 Drew There's a ligament there that sort of holds it up and it can crack.

26:50 Adam It felt like a knuckle, right?

26:52 Caller I mean, is it hurting it in any way?

26:53 Adam Did it sound like a knuckle?

26:56 Drew Yeah, it did.

26:56 Adam Oh boy, with the radio up, return. All right, he's fine.

27:01 Drew Yeah, it's normal.

27:02 Adam You get an erection, it kind of goes up and then you try to push it down. Sometimes that happens during sex and it cracks.

27:07 Drew It freaks women out.

27:09 Adam Yeah, yeah, it's weird. Well, it's like if their vagina exploded or something. Or cracked or creaked.

27:15 Drew Whistled.

27:16 Adam Whistled. Well, I've heard him whistle, but it's more like if it groaned or creaked or something, like an old bridge. Paul.

27:25 Caller Hey, how you doing, guys?

27:26 Adam You're 24. How you doing?

27:28 Caller That's right.

27:29 Caller Well, I got a friend who's 26.

27:31 Caller He's not a very social guy.

27:33 Caller Never really had a girlfriend and he's never been late.

27:35 Caller And the clock is ticking, you know, he's 26. And I feel like he needs to get laid.

27:40 Caller I feel like this would be a good entry point into a relationship.

27:43 Adam Yeah. How far has he gotten with a woman?

27:47 Caller Not too far. I mean, he's really scared of women.

27:50 Caller He can't even look at them really.

27:52 Caller That's wild. Why?

27:55 Caller He's just never been social, a bit of a dork.

27:58 Caller Yeah.

27:59 Adam Does he drink?

28:00 Caller Yeah, he does. Not a lot.

28:01 Caller He doesn't get, I mean, I'm sorry, I'm not supposed to say, he doesn't get really wasted.

28:05 Adam I see.

28:06 Caller All right.

28:07 Adam And what do you want to do? Get him a hooker?

28:09 Caller Well, a hooker, that sounds kind of trashy.

28:11 Adam I'm thinking more of an escort. Yeah. You think he would go for that?

28:16 Caller Well, we wouldn't tell him.

28:17 Caller We were thinking we could pretend that she's like a friend of ours.

28:20 Drew But what if he's really, you know, this sort of gets him, you know, through this discomfort and he gets real attached to her and then pow, nothing.

28:28 Caller Yeah, but...

28:29 Drew That could be bad. It could really drive him back.

28:31 Caller You think that would make it worth for him?

28:33 Adam I don't know. I wouldn't do it because he... Let me talk to you, Drew. Guys love... Here's what guys love. They love it when one of their buddies gets less tail than they do. And they love to bring it up as if it's a problem for them all the time, even though the buddy probably doesn't care that much. Or if he did, he'd take care of it. It's his problem. But they love to obsess about it. And in a way, it's like running... It's like, if you had a friend that was 300 pounds, and every time he got around, he kept saying, we're going to get you to lose that weight. How are we going to get that weight off you?

29:05 Drew Well, also, I think they feel like he can't sort of enjoy the same things that they do. And, you know, the same, they have the same priorities.

29:12 Adam Yeah, but you know what? I don't think it's that philanthropic.

29:18 Drew It's not that big a deal, no.

29:19 Adam No, they really want, they like the idea that they can bring it up every time they're around him that he's not getting light. I've had friends like that, too. You get obsessed with it. But it's just a way of making yourself feel better. Because here's one guy you got to step up on. I don't think Paul's a bad guy, but Paul?

29:37 Caller No, we don't actually talk about it.

29:40 Caller We never rub it in that we're having sex and he's not.

29:43 Adam I know, but it comes up a lot more than you think, I'm sure.

29:47 Caller We're also worried about disease and things like that.

29:51 Adam Maybe he's gay.

29:52 Caller No, I don't think he's gay.

29:53 Caller What about a blowjob?

29:54 Caller What's the chance of him getting some disease from a blowjob?

29:56 Adam I don't know, nothing. Go ahead, give him a BJ.

30:02 Drew He could always wear a condom even with that, so, you know.

30:05 Adam Listen, you know what, he's got to get on the Internet and find himself a woman.

30:09 Caller Yeah.

30:09 Adam Doesn't he want a woman?

30:11 Caller He does. That's what he wants for Christmas.

30:13 Adam Doesn't he monkey around on the Internet?

30:16 Caller He's familiar with the Internet.

30:17 Caller Of course.

30:18 Adam What's his problem? Is he religious?

30:20 Caller No, no, he's just a bit of a dork.

30:22 Adam What's he do for a living?

30:24 Caller That would give it away, I can't tell you.

30:25 Drew What kind of thing?

30:27 Caller Computer related.

30:29 Adam Yeah, shocking. That's why I was saying, I'm sure he knows his way around the Internet.

30:33 Caller Yeah.

30:34 Adam Every guy who hasn't gotten laid knows his way around the Internet. Guys who are getting laid don't spend that much time on the Internet because they're actually out having sex. But Paul.

30:42 Caller Yeah.

30:43 Adam Get him on the Internet, give him a meet, get in those chat rooms and all that kind of stuff and see what he can do. I don't know. All my friends got a ton more ass than I ever did, so I never had to line them up with anything.

30:56 Drew Well, they seem very concerned, though, to have you catch up with them when it came to masturbating and you certainly took that as a serious challenge.

31:04 Caller Yeah.

31:05 Adam They laid down the gauntlet and I picked up that challenge.

31:08 Drew And you live by to this day.

31:09 Adam Yeah.

31:09 Drew And so it did have an impact on your habits.

31:15 Adam You very awkwardly worked that in, Drew. Do you realize that? You stuffing that in.

31:21 Drew You know, it may have had an impact on you.

31:23 Adam If that was a puzzle, you would have been hitting it with your fist. If it was like a jigsaw puzzle.

31:27 Drew It would have hit.

31:28 Adam Yeah, but you just kept whacking it until you stuffed it into its shape. Ashley?

31:32 Drew Yes?

31:32 Adam You're 15.

31:33 Drew Yeah.

31:34 Adam What's up?

31:35 Caller See, my parents split up in September. And see, now they're trying to kind of blame it on me.

31:43 Adam Sure.

31:43 Drew How could that be?

31:45 Caller Well, see, my dad did some stuff back way back when and...

31:48 Drew What?

31:49 Caller Well, some... It concerned some teenage girls. And so now he's saying it's my fault that they're splitting up because of it, because I told my mom it was happening.

31:58 Drew Was it? Yeah.

32:00 Caller Oh, yeah. And he went through some legal trouble.

32:02 Adam What was your dad doing?

32:04 Caller Teenage girls.

32:08 Drew And so he's coming after her now.

32:09 Adam Your friends? Or you?

32:11 Caller At the time.

32:13 Caller Not anymore.

32:14 Caller Oh, baby.

32:15 Drew So your dad went after...

32:17 Caller My friends.

32:18 Adam How old were your friends?

32:19 Caller One was 17 and one was... Oh, they were both 17, except one turned 18 after they went to court.

32:27 Drew How old were you at the time?

32:29 Caller I was 14.

32:30 Drew Why were you hanging out with 18-year-olds?

32:32 Caller Because one of them was my brother's ex-girlfriend, and it's a twisted web. But now that they split up, my mom's kind of acting like she's 17 and she's got like... They both have significant others at this point, and I feel like it's too soon. So I'm saying I'm in a kind of a weird position because she only acts like my mom when she is hungry for power.

32:57 Adam All right. Hold on a second. Ashley's 10 kinds of nuts already. She's only 15.

33:03 Drew Look at what she's dealing with.

33:06 Adam I know. I'm going to talk. I'm going to talk to her. I'm going to get her from 10 kinds of nuts to about seven and a half kind of nuts. All right.

33:13 All right.

33:14 Adam Hey, Ashley.

33:15 Caller Yeah.

33:16 Adam Listen to me very carefully.

33:18 Caller OK.

33:19 Adam OK.

33:20 Caller OK.

33:20 Adam You're heading for trouble, baby.

33:22 Caller Well, what do you mean?

33:24 Adam I'll tell you what I mean. Both your parents are pieces of work. They deserve each other. But they're idiots. They're better apart. Yeah. They're better apart. Yeah. They'd be better. They'd be better apart from themselves if that was possible. Like they'd like to gut them. Take their aura or their chi or something and drop kicking across the river. They're both idiots. OK. Now, let me tell you something. There's something very freeing about making that declaration that your parents are probably dumber, less mature, and certainly prone to make more mistakes at their age than you are at the tender age of 15. You're probably smarter in both of them. I wouldn't doubt it. OK. Now, you don't have to have a bad life just because your parents are a-holes. You can just sort of, you know, don't get too caught up in their mess. Go to school, play your sports, do your activities, get your grades good, and go far, far away to college. And go to the moon. Do they have like an MU.?

34:34 Caller Like a golden moon.

34:35 Adam Yeah.

34:36 Caller Oh, by the way.

34:37 Adam You know what I'm saying, Ashley? Listen to me. Don't get caught up in your mom. She's a pain in the ass. I got to tell you something about my parents. My parents were bad parents, but at least they had the dignity just to lock themselves in their room.

34:49 Drew Leave you alone.

34:49 Adam Yeah, they didn't come on and start laying a bunch of stuff on me.

34:52 Drew By the way, what, Ashley?

34:53 Caller Oh, by the way, Adam, I've had a crush on you for the longest time.

34:57 Adam Okay, now we know you have real significant problems.

35:03 Drew You've come a long way too to acknowledge that.

35:04 Adam Yeah, I acknowledge that anyone who's attracted to me has a serious psychiatric condition.

35:09 Drew You're insane.

35:09 Caller And I called a long time ago because my brother was doing girlfriends while I was home with him, and it was a problem.

35:17 Caller Yeah, yeah.

35:18 Caller But I also mentioned that my dad digs up dinosaur bones, and Drew sounded like he was interested.

35:25 Adam No, he's not.

35:26 Drew I'm interested, yeah.

35:27 Adam He also, hold on, he digs up hymens on 17-year-old friends, too.

35:32 Caller Well, yeah, but see, that was like two years ago, though.

35:36 Drew I vaguely remember this. I'm interested in the dinosaurs.

35:38 Adam No, you're not. No, you're not. Who cares? They'll get right over there.

35:40 Drew Wait, wait, if you're interested in what?

35:42 Caller If you're interested, I could probably get you to go on a dig, and he'd let you keep whatever you found.

35:47 Adam Yeah, let me tell you how that dig's going to work. Look down, it's the, you can see a fossilized paleontologist, huh? Little closer, little cover, boom! Flathead shovel right in the back of the head. You fall in the hole, and he takes one of those college interns and just buries you. Chuck, bury the doctor. And they drink a six pack sitting on top of you. On a big pile of dirt you're under.

36:14 Drew Thank you for the offer.

36:15 Adam Oh, you're not going out. And listen, those kids, let me tell you something, everybody. Drew, here's what you gotta do with your kids.

36:21 Caller No.

36:22 Adam Your job is not to get them more excited than they already are about junk that's a pain in the ass for you.

36:28 Caller Yeah.

36:28 Adam And don't feed into them.

36:30 Drew That's true.

36:30 Adam You gotta squelch it.

36:31 Caller Yeah.

36:32 Adam See what I'm saying?

36:32 Drew No, I don't understand.

36:33 Adam They're into dinosaurs, now you're into dinosaurs. That's the wrong angle. They're into Thomas the Tank Engine, now you're Thomas the Tank Engine. Bad plan. Your job is to talk them out of it. Convince the boys it's gay. It's lame, you know what I mean?

36:49 Drew That may be a way of talking.

36:50 Adam Only fairies screw around with those dinosaurs. You wussy. Start watching TV. Come on. There may be a show on dinosaurs. Sit still and watch that TV. Daddy's going to be napping. Take them on a dig.

37:05 Drew It's very nice for her. Do we help, Ashley?

37:08 Adam No. Listen, I help there. Don't listen to her parents. Don't get in between them. Don't get caught up in them.

37:14 Caller It's got to be a hard thing.

37:15 Drew I mean, it's healthy to love your parents even when they're screw ups, though.

37:18 Adam It is?

37:18 Drew You shouldn't hate them. I mean, she loves them for, you know... What?

37:22 Adam For what?

37:22 Drew For all their strengths and weaknesses and who they are.

37:26 Adam Yeah, but why do they sound like pretty bad people?

37:28 Drew They sound like screw ups. They sound like they have issues themselves.

37:31 Adam That's right.

37:32 Drew The fact they're blaming her, that's despicable. But other parts of...

37:35 Adam Well, when should you not love your parent? When they do what to you? Do you know what I'm saying? At what point? You know, if your dad sexually abuses you, should you love him? How does that work? What's in it for you?

37:49 Drew You're going to, but the hatred is... it just should be more powerful.

37:53 Adam Will you love him and hate him? What do you love about him?

37:57 Drew What we love is the original image of dad.

38:00 Adam Well, then what about you finding your parents, the people who are given up for adoption? Should they go find their biological parents?

38:09 Drew If there was some attachment, but if they were there, given over at birth, no, no, no, no, because that's not attachment.

38:18 Adam So you're saying better connect to the guy who boffed you when you were two and a half through 13?

38:27 Drew No, not better.

38:28 Caller Better?

38:29 Adam Better to love the rapist, the man who raped you?

38:31 Drew No, not better, but it's natural for people to have those feelings also.

38:35 Adam I know, but don't you think that would get over that? It would be helpful to them?

38:39 Drew I don't think it's possible. That's such a deep-seated thing for humans. That's the conflict. That's the problem.

38:46 Adam Okay, I know everybody has that with their parents, but can't you get past that?

38:53 Drew Make it more real is the thing, is to say, okay, that's not that person.

38:56 Adam I love my dad, maybe, but he's a world-class jackass and I ain't going near him.

39:02 Caller Oh yeah, fine.

39:04 Adam I'm not going to, but if you love someone, you go near them. I'm saying you should just not love it.

39:10 Drew I think the thing to do is to reconcile that image that you love, which is usually not the person, with who the person actually is, and then deal with your feelings about the real person.

39:19 Adam Why can't you just not love your parents if they're crappy parents?

39:22 Drew You can, you can.

39:22 Adam Makes sense, doesn't it?

39:23 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

39:24 Adam And it's much, they're freed up to go live their life then.

39:27 Drew You can, but you're missing a step there.

39:32 Adam When we come back, we're going to speak to Mike, who's 26, has been married for three years, not attracted to wife anymore. Wants to know why? We'll tell him why after this.

39:44 Drew We'll be right back.

39:45 Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191.

40:19 Adam Hey, hey, it's the Loveline of Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Mark McGrath's gonna be in here from Sugar Ray, and then also the number one Asian big boob queen. Minka is gonna be in here on Wednesday.

40:37 Drew And- On Monday, Tuesday, you're gonna have to give a couple of days of Minka stories.

40:41 Adam A little buildup.

40:42 Drew Yeah, a little buildup.

40:42 Adam A little Minka buildup. I'm surprised how many people don't know who Minka is.

40:46 Drew I had never heard of her.

40:48 Adam Yeah.

40:48 Drew That doesn't surprise me, I guess.

40:50 Caller No, no.

40:52 Adam No, I could- I could- I could drain the Pacific Ocean and fill it with names of people you don't know in lower case.

41:01 Caller Nice.

41:02 Adam Yeah. Put Steve Largent and Huel Hauser and Doug Hanning right at the top. They'd be right at the top of my first wave.

41:10 Drew You know the Minnesota receiver Chris Carter?

41:14 Adam Yes, I do.

41:15 Drew I didn't know who he was until today.

41:17 Adam Oh, I'm all-

41:19 Drew I looked at his stats and I thought, oh my God, where have I been?

41:23 Adam Yeah, I'm all right with that. I was really all right with the Rams putting a whooping on Minnesota today. That felt very good. I really enjoyed that. But yeah, I'm all right because Carter's only been around for like 13 years. Yeah, 13 years and I don't think there's a guy like you.

41:39 Drew But imagine-

41:39 Adam You're like a sea turtle.

41:40 Drew I understand that. But imagine I were in high school. I mean, two years into it, I'd know, you know.

41:44 Adam Well, you say that, but you don't know who Steve Largen is.

41:47 Drew I was in medical school.

41:48 Adam He was around.

41:49 Drew No.

41:50 Adam Yeah. Let's figure that out.

41:52 You know Mario Lemieux?

41:53 Drew Yeah.

41:53 Adam Better hope I don't get to the bottom of that. You know Mario Lemieux?

41:55 Drew Yeah, I know him. Coaching, playing.

41:57 Adam Because he had like cancer or something, right?

41:59 Drew Right. It's owning play.

42:01 Adam Right.

42:01 Drew I beg your pardon.

42:02 Adam Yeah, he knows him because he had an illness. Mike?

42:06 Drew Now, you could ask me stuff. You could ask me a ton of stuff about football between like 1972 and 1975. And I'm pretty sure I would know it.

42:13 Adam Oh, that three years. Big deal. What year did you graduate high school?

42:19 Drew Seventy-six.

42:21 Adam How dare you. Mike?

42:23 Caller Yes.

42:24 Adam You're 26 years old. What's up?

42:28 Caller I'm not attracted to my wife anymore.

42:30 Adam Yeah, why not?

42:31 Caller I don't know.

42:33 Drew You're gay. Is there something about her? Is there something changed?

42:36 Caller No, I love her. I mean, I...

42:40 Drew How long have you been married?

42:41 Caller About three years. But we lived together five years before that, so we've been together about eight years. Yeah?

42:48 Drew So is it less about not being attracted to her and more about wanting to meet other people?

42:57 Caller I don't know.

42:58 Adam Well, here's the thing, Mike. Let me put you at ease. You'll never meet anyone else. What do you do for a living?

43:08 Caller I'm a private security officer.

43:10 Adam Okay. Nothing. Never. Nothing. You'll have sex with a corpse you find in a dumpster. That'll be the best you'll do.

43:17 Drew Is there something about her that's changing? Is she treating you differently?

43:21 Caller No. I mean, she does everything for me. I mean, everything.

43:25 Adam What were you, 17 when you met her?

43:27 Caller Yeah. Around the box.

43:29 Adam Yeah. Let me tell you something. Man ain't done at 17, 18. There's an arc there. Drew's in the, he's over the hump and he's down in a fast freefall side of his arc.

43:43 Drew But the dun and it's finished.

43:44 Adam Yeah. Drew's finished. It's different than done. Done is when it's time to take the turkey out of the oven and finished is a carcass that's out in the dumpster that the raccoons are picking over two days later. That's what Drew is. But listen to me, Mike, I don't want to, I don't want to scare you, but at 17, you know, maybe, maybe you weren't done.

44:07 Caller To tell you the truth, that's what I've been thinking about for a while.

44:11 Adam Do you have any kids?

44:12 Caller Uh, no.

44:14 Drew Were you pressured into this marriage?

44:18 Caller No, not really.

44:18 Adam No, you want to do it. And she didn't pack on a bunch of weight or lose a bunch of teeth or anything like that?

44:25 Caller No.

44:26 Adam No. Okay. Why don't you do this? I'll tell you what happens sometimes, Mike. Sometimes you get this little kernel of an ID in your head and then it starts building up momentum and it gets on a life of its own. And now you see her and you sit across a table with her.

44:44 Drew She becomes an albatross.

44:45 Adam Yeah. And she looks like a gargoyle sitting there. And she and she says, she says, uh, uh, Pass the salt. Pass salt and, and you write a tear out. You think that's the most unattractive thing you ever heard. But the same token, when you're really into someone, they could, uh, they could defecate, uh, into your crazy straw as you slept and you'd be fine with it.

45:09 Drew That you think was cute.

45:10 Adam Yeah. So don't, don't build up a case. Try to relax a little. Yeah.

45:14 Drew You're married. Come on. Don't, don't look to a kid as a solution to this by all means.

45:19 Adam Don't do that.

45:19 Drew I mean, if it's over, it's over. I understand. All right.

45:21 Adam But maybe that's to get to some counseling and have a little conversation.

45:24 Drew Who knows? I mean, maybe this kid comes from a family that he can't sustain.

45:28 Adam Meanwhile, don't have any kids. Do a little counseling and listen. Hey, Mike. Yes. No kids. Do a little counseling. And if it works, it works. And if it doesn't, it doesn't. But leave yourself open. All right?

45:41 Caller Well, I'm a, I'm, I don't want to tell her.

45:44 Drew Yeah. But just, but tell her you've been depressed and you want to go see a counselor or something. And then you want to be part of it.

45:49 Adam You're doing a greater disservice by not mentioning anything, D?

45:52 Yeah.

45:53 Adam You're 25.

45:54 Caller What's up, brothers?

45:54 Caller How are you doing tonight?

45:55 Adam Hey, D.

45:56 Caller Got two things for you. First of all, I met both of you on separate occasions. And you're both just as cool off there as you are on the air.

46:03 Adam Where did we meet you?

46:04 Caller I met you at a wedding in Chatsworth.

46:06 Adam Who, me?

46:07 Caller Yep.

46:08 Adam Where, Tom Johnson's wedding?

46:10 Caller Yeah.

46:10 Caller Oh, how weird.

46:11 Caller And I met Drew at the Sony lot when he was filming a part of his pilot.

46:17 Adam Oh, wow.

46:18 Drew Way back then.

46:18 Caller Yeah, yeah.

46:19 Caller Yeah, I was working as a fire inspector on the South.

46:21 Adam What pilot were you filming?

46:23 Drew The thing I did for Stone's Down, I had a talk show.

46:25 Adam Oh, that death thing.

46:26 Drew Lasted about three minutes.

46:27 Adam Yeah, it's crap. What, how do you know Tom Johnson, more importantly? This guy I worked construction with in San Fernando Valley for many years.

46:33 Caller Yeah, I actually have a friend that worked construction on the Sony lot that knew him.

46:40 Adam Oh, boy, that's a kush gig, that Sony stuff. Hi there, Dee. How's that miserable San Fernando Valley treating you over there?

46:48 Caller I live in Van Nuys, it sucks.

46:51 Caller Oh, it sucks.

46:53 Adam Let me tell you, it's just as bad as Chatsworth, but just a little more crime.

46:58 Caller Oh, man.

46:58 Drew A little more cement.

46:59 Adam Yeah, a little more cement, a little more crime. Yeah. But the good news, a half degree cooler in this dog day of summer. Let me tell you something.

47:07 Drew Hold on a second.

47:07 Adam I'd like to just take a rake and run over that whole goddamn valley and start over.

47:11 Drew Well, a rake wouldn't do it. You need like some sort of blaster. It's dynamite.

47:15 Adam You know what the Indians would do? They would burn their fields for the next crop.

47:19 Drew Yeah, but it's cement. It's a big ball of cement.

47:22 Adam I could burn it down to the ground.

47:24 Drew That's the thing that's always amazing about that part of the valley. It's just white cement and black top.

47:29 Adam That's it. Now it's black, Mexican and white cement out there. All right. What are we doing, Drew?

47:33 Drew We're going to commercial.

47:34 Adam And then we're going to talk to Dee about what?

47:36 Drew About the fact that the more emotionally involved he gets with his girlfriend, the less sex drive experience. No, I want to know.

47:43 Adam I want a better day. Your friend dating girl for four years. Your dad tried to kiss him. Now that's good. And then we'll get back with the after this.

47:52 1-800-LOVE-191.

48:23 Adam It's The Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Mark McGrath is going to be in here from Sugar Ray on Tuesday. Good guy. Good to see Mark. And then we have Minka, the great Minka, the fabulous Minka. Who's Minka, you may ask. You'll find out on Wednesday. She's the number one Asian big boob queen.

48:48 Drew And I understand she does not disappoint.

48:51 Adam I've been a big fan of hers for many, many years. And I had a chance to meet her. What is that? I had a chance to meet Minka in a beautiful gentleman's club in Las Vegas. And Ann has tracked her down. And Minka's coming into town. And we're going to have a good time. And for those of you who think that my Minka impersonation is somehow racist or overstated, overstated. No, no, no, no, no. Wait till she gets in here. Wait till the fabulous Minka. And Drew, wait till you get a load of those cans. You've never seen anything bigger than that. All right, you ready to go to the phones here, Drew?

49:30 Drew I can't, I can't take my eyes off this thing.

49:32 Adam I got a Playboy from 1974 I just brought in here because I went to the Swamp Meet today.

49:38 Drew Hi, Karate.

49:39 Adam Hi, Karate, Cologne. I tell you, there's nothing better. You want fun, you kids are too old, but you adults are too young. You adults know what I'm talking about. You go pick yourself up a Playboy from the mid-70s. Look at some of the cars, look at some of the Colognes, look at some of the stereos that were coming in. I mean, it was spectacular.

49:59 Drew Awful period of history.

50:01 Adam What? We had High Karate Cologne and the Dodge Swinger. I love those What Kind of Man Reads Playboy ads. It's always my favorite. It's a guy, a guy's camping with three or four chicks. All right, Drew.

50:19 Drew Oh my God. Oh my God.

50:20 Adam Drew, put that away. I'm gonna find you a picture of the guy wearing some checkered slacks on here. And the thing that's funny is it's advertising the slacks. He ain't shooting around at golf.

50:30 Caller Right.

50:31 Adam All right, where are we going here? Drew, give me that. Rob?

50:35 Caller Yeah.

50:36 Adam What's up?

50:38 Caller All right, here's what's going on. I've been growing out with this girl for a long time. And she lived alone with her dad. Her dad's been divorced for like 10 years now. And he's always been like real nice to me. Like about a year ago, he started getting real touchy with me. And like when I was in high school, I used to get these notes saying I had a dentist appointment. And I thought it was my mom or dad or something. And it would be him out front. He'd take me out to lunch. He was always buying me booze and whatnot. And so a couple of weeks ago he had me over, you know, we were drinking and my girlfriend, she took off, she went to go pick up her friend and he tried kissing me.

51:15 Drew Wow.

51:15 Adam Yeah.

51:15 Caller And yeah, I mean, I always thought he was kind of, you know, it went a little too far sometimes when he was always touching me and whatnot.

51:23 Drew What'd you do?

51:24 Adam Well, made out.

51:27 Caller Yeah, right.

51:28 Caller Yeah, I took off. That was it. And I haven't told my girlfriend.

51:33 Drew Where were you when he tried to do this?

51:34 Caller At their house.

51:35 Drew You just ran out of the house?

51:37 Caller Yeah, I took off.

51:38 Adam Screaming?

51:39 Caller No, I wasn't. I wasn't screaming.

51:44 Adam And so what are you going to do?

51:47 Caller I have no idea.

51:48 Adam Yeah.

51:48 Drew How about just stay away from the guy?

51:50 Adam Don't tell her.

51:51 Caller But the thing is, we're always hanging out at their house. Well, it's like the place to be.

51:56 Drew Yeah, maybe not anymore.

51:57 Adam Get over to your house.

51:59 Caller Yeah, I mean, should I even tell her anything? Should I say something to her?

52:02 Adam No. No, don't tell her.

52:04 Drew It's going to be hurtful.

52:04 Adam She'll end up freaking out on you.

52:07 Plus, it's...

52:08 Adam It's too weird. It's too weird. I couldn't stand to think of my dad kissing my mom. Forget about my boyfriend, Tim. All right? Don't say anything. I know it's weird. Just kind of avoid the guy and don't say anything. I'm looking to add for a Gremlin.

52:24 Drew Is that nuts?

52:25 Adam It's a hot AMC car. Yeah, American Motors. Boy, they really made some winners. They made that Matador or that big hovercraft.

52:34 Drew These were the same car, basically, right?

52:36 Adam Yeah. You know, it was always funny, too.

52:37 Drew Oh, no, the Matador. Yeah, yeah.

52:38 Adam It was... No, no, not the Gremlin. The Matador was huge.

52:41 Drew With those two... Those two knobs in the back.

52:43 Adam No, you mean the ones with the medallions in the rear taillights? That was the Cordova. That's the one Ricardo Montemano would say, I like what they've done with my car. That's the Corinthian leather. You know, it's really funny, is like in the mid-80s, AMC got together with Renault to make the AMC Renault Alliance. And it was a car that they came out with in the mid-80s. And I thought to myself, well, finally, finally, we've taken the world's worst American car manufacturer, AMC, with, like I said, the Matador and the Gremlin in their lineage. They've gone overseas to pick the worst country in the world that manufactures an automobile, which is France, and teamed up with the worst French automobile maker, Renault, to create a super hybrid piece of crap. Like, we didn't have the technology to make a big enough piece of ass on our shores. We had to go to Europe. We chose France and Renault. It's like, we took the world's crappiest European auto manufacturer, the crappiest American, and came together and people bought that car. And I thought to myself, what the hell is wrong with you? Do you know what I mean? It's like, if Jeffrey Dahmer and Charles Manson got together with like a squeaky Fromm and had a threesome, so they had a kid, and then I wanted to date that kid. The world's worst gene pool, pow.

54:09 Drew Yeah. After AMC did come up with the Roadrunner, didn't they? Wasn't that theirs?

54:13 Adam Yeah. They had a lot of world class junk. World class. All right. Well, not the Gremlin. I used to like when they had the Levi interiors. That's a Levi Gremlin.

54:25 Alex?

54:26 Adam Yeah, that's me. Yeah. The Levi's, the actual Levi jeans. Because, you know, when you're sitting, when you're wearing a pair of Levi's, and let me do the math for any auto manufacturers who want to do a Levi interior again. I put on a pair of goddamn Levi's. I sit on anything. I'm sitting on Levi. Am I not? I sit on the lawn. I'm sitting on Levi.

54:45 Drew That's true.

54:46 Adam I climb the tree. I'm sitting on Levi. I sit in a leather interior. I'm sitting on a Levi interior.

54:50 Drew Yeah.

54:51 Adam I don't need Levi under Levi. It's like wearing Levi underwear under your Levi's.

54:55 Drew Yeah. Well, that'd be better, wouldn't it?

54:56 Adam I guess so.

54:57 Drew Jeans on jeans.

54:57 Adam All right, Alex. What's up?

54:59 All right. I've been dating this girl for about two weeks, and I met her in school, and it's going well, and we've been getting intimate. But the thing is, I'm a female to male transsexual, and I haven't told her about it, and I was wondering.

55:12 Drew You're a female to male transsexual?

55:14 I am, yeah.

55:15 Adam You were female?

55:17 I was born female. I've been on hormones, testosterone for six months or five months.

55:21 Drew How did you pull this off at your age?

55:23 How did I pull it off? I went to therapy for three months, and I went through the process of it.

55:28 Drew Three months.

55:28 Adam But he didn't pull it off, he added it on.

55:32 I've had no surgery yet. That's the thing.

55:35 Adam You got nothing. What do you got down in the Levi underpants?

55:39 What do I got? I just got like a huge clit because of the testosterone.

55:43 Healthy pink vagina.

55:45 Drew It has your, it has your, sorry, sorry, because I've made...

55:47 Adam How big is that clit? Is it like a kumquat?

55:50 How big is it? No, it just gets longer.

55:53 Adam Oh, it gets longer. Yeah. Snake-like? Like a monkey's penis?

55:57 Caller I wish.

55:59 Adam Well, how long is it?

56:01 How long is it? An inch.

56:05 Drew Let me ask you this. How has your sex...

56:06 Adam Let me ask you something real quick. I just realized you're a female who's become a male.

56:11 Drew Right.

56:12 Adam So will you gain the ability to estimate distances? You know what I mean? You know how females can't do that?

56:19 Drew Here's what I'd like to interview Alex about is what has changed about his perceptions now that he's on testosterone.

56:26 Caller My perception of other people...

56:28 Drew Well, Adam's talking about distances.

56:31 Adam Oh, shut up. I'm reading a playboy over here.

56:34 Drew How about as far as like your sex drive? How has that changed?

56:36 Caller Oh, it's like light and day. It's a completely different sex drive. It's much more visual, much more intense. Like I jack off all the time.

56:47 Adam And what are you using? What are you tugging on? That six inch clit?

56:52 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

56:54 Adam All right, hold on a second. Wait a minute now, Drew, hold on now. No, no, hold on. This is a worse idea than the Levi Gremlin. This was a, first off, I can't get around the fact that this was a female that became a male. Because all we ever talk to is males who become women.

57:18 Drew This may be bogus.

57:19 Adam I think it's bogus.

57:19 Drew Because I've never heard a female talk about jacking off quite so spontaneously.

57:24 Caller Yeah.

57:25 Adam And at 19, three months of therapy. Drew, what percentage of transsexuals are going from female to male?

57:34 Caller I don't know the percentage.

57:35 Adam Under 10 percent.

57:36 Drew It's less and it's not three months that's quite a bit longer than three months. That's why I was asking me to pull it off. It'd have to be in another country somewhere. They wouldn't do it here.

57:44 Adam Well, now you just told them. Are you ready? That's a problem.

57:49 Caller Okay, you got it wrong. Go check the therapy. It's three months. Where? I went to the LA Gender Center. According to the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care, you only have to go for three months. Then you can get a letter by your therapist to go to an endocrinologist.

58:04 Adam Well, listen, according to the Harry Johnson Book of Rules, I'm telling you that it's at least six months. Jesus Christ, where is this Gender Reassignment Lab that you went to?

58:16 Caller It's in LA.

58:17 Adam Oh, for Christ's sake, what is it, in some motel above?

58:22 Caller It's pretty nice.

58:22 Adam An alley?

58:23 Caller No, it's nice.

58:24 Adam All right, and what happened to you that you decided to become a man?

58:28 Caller Well, you've met male to female transsexuals, same story.

58:33 Adam Male to female?

58:35 Caller Yeah, it's the same thing.

58:37 Adam I know, same thing, they're effed up royally.

58:40 Caller No, they're not.

58:40 Adam Yes, they are. They're messes. What happened to you?

58:44 Caller Well, throughout life, you know, I just felt like a boy all the time. Yeah.

58:48 Adam What happened?

58:49 Caller Nothing happened.

58:50 Adam Where's your parents?

58:51 Caller My parents are married. They're at home. They're very conservative.

58:56 Adam Oh. They beat you with the Bible?

58:59 Caller Yeah.

59:00 Adam They're very... they went a little over the top with that stuff?

59:03 Caller Yeah, very much.

59:04 Adam Well, it's payback time now. Oh boy, your dad's gonna love this one.

59:09 Caller Oh man, he doesn't like it at all.

59:11 Adam Oh no, he hates it.

59:12 Caller No.

59:13 Adam You couldn't have just gone, wait a minute, you just couldn't have been a lesbian or worked at a strip club or something to humiliate him?

59:21 Caller I'm a much better man.

59:23 Adam All right. Well, listen, you were more man than Drew is even when you were a woman. Do you realize that? I don't know why he had to change.

59:31 Drew I'm really interested.

59:31 Adam Were you a lesbian when you were a woman?

59:34 Caller That's the weird part. No, I wasn't. I was attracted to men. And as soon as I started on the hormones, I started looking at women all of a sudden.

59:40 Drew That's wild.

59:41 Caller It's crazy.

59:42 Drew But I'm real interested by how you guys change your perceptions of the world and your sexuality and stuff when you take this to the stage. Because people don't want to address how different people become under the influence of testosterone.

59:54 Adam It is interesting.

59:55 Caller You do change.

59:56 Drew You do change. That's right. And you, whether you want to believe it or not, have an XX brain. A female brain and an XY brain is even different still out of the influence of testosterone.

1:00:07 Adam Do you yell at more foreigners when you're driving?

1:00:10 Caller Yeah, I've become more aggressive.

1:00:12 Adam Good, sure.

1:00:13 Caller My taste in music has changed.

1:00:15 Adam That's right. Very interesting.

1:00:16 Caller Things like that.

1:00:17 Drew You like the system of a down down.

1:00:18 Adam You like the system of a down and all the mummy rock and stuff, right? Uh-huh.

1:00:23 Caller Industrial.

1:00:23 Drew All right.

1:00:24 Adam Now what do you... Oh, industrial. Oh, Jesus Christ.

1:00:26 Drew That's the new thing, dude.

1:00:28 Adam Oh, you idiots.

1:00:30 Caller You don't like Rumpstein?

1:00:31 Adam Oh, all that stuff just gives me a headache. The only reason it's good...

1:00:36 Drew Okay, Pops.

1:00:37 Adam No, it's good because you're high as a kite and you got half a tub of Vicks Nyquil up your ass. And of course, you enjoy anything that's playing in the background. Now listen to me.

1:00:47 Drew Wait, just one quick...

1:00:48 Adam Hold on. Who's going to fashion you a penis?

1:00:51 Caller Who's going to what?

1:00:52 Adam Make you a penis.

1:00:54 Caller Oh, that's in the future, but there is...

1:00:56 Adam Where do you get it?

1:00:57 Caller Surgeons around the country.

1:01:00 Adam Why don't they just take someone's penis who's in jail?

1:01:04 Caller They can't do that yet.

1:01:05 Adam That's too bad.

1:01:06 Caller Yeah.

1:01:07 Adam And what are they going to do with your vagina?

1:01:09 Caller They could sew it up or they could use like the labia majora to make balls.

1:01:15 Adam Oh, they can. Labia majora to make the balls?

1:01:17 Caller Yeah. Testicle implants.

1:01:20 Adam I see. Nice. Oh, boy. Those guys, they're really doing God's work. They really are those guys. I'll see them in hell along with Hitler's doctors who worked over in the various camps trying to see how long people could live without drinking water or sleeping and stuff like that. They do weird tests on twins and things like that.

1:01:41 Drew I want to make a further case for the superiority of the female brain though. Just, Alex, think about talking to male to female transsexuals as opposed to Alex.

1:01:52 Adam Yeah.

1:01:52 Drew You know what I'm saying?

1:01:53 Adam Yeah, it's a lot easier to talk to Alex.

1:01:55 Drew Yes.

1:01:56 Adam We never did get much out of the other ones.

1:01:58 Drew You're almost giving Alex some blessing here. I can feel it coming.

1:02:01 Adam All right. All right. Still, this is a mess. Were you small-chested?

1:02:06 Caller No. Very big-chested.

1:02:08 Drew No!

1:02:11 Caller I bind with one of those abdominal-weight belts, those big Velcro things, the neoprene.

1:02:16 Adam How big were you up top?

1:02:18 Drew Wait a minute. Adam, this could be the solution for you. Alex could be your ultimate woman.

1:02:22 Adam Yeah. Alex, give me a grab of those for you. But wait a minute. What do you do with those things?

1:02:25 Drew She wants to have sex like a man. She's been thinking like a man.

1:02:29 Caller Hey, don't call me she.

1:02:30 Caller Well, hang on a second.

1:02:31 Drew For Adam, let's think that way for a second.

1:02:32 Adam Sorry. Pardon me.

1:02:34 Drew Go ahead. He or she's got breasts. Adam, this could be your ultimate partner.

1:02:38 Adam Yeah.

1:02:38 Drew Really?

1:02:39 Adam Yeah. And until that six inch clit comes around and stings me like the tail of a horseshoe crab.

1:02:47 Caller It's only an inch.

1:02:51 Adam Anyway, you are true. Like that horseshoe crab reference. What I mean?

1:02:54 Caller Bizarre.

1:02:56 Adam And they'll ham on the East Coast.

1:02:58 Drew They're like eight inch tails.

1:03:00 All right.

1:03:01 Adam Hey, Alex. So wait, wait, wait. What do you do with your boobs later on in life?

1:03:05 Caller Oh, they're going off as soon as I can pay for the chest surgery.

1:03:09 Drew Did they shrink with the testosterone?

1:03:10 Caller They did a little.

1:03:11 Adam Did they cut them off?

1:03:13 Caller They cut them off. It depends on how big they are. Depending on the size, they do different surgeries.

1:03:18 Adam What do they do with your nipples?

1:03:20 Caller Oh, that's the worst part. They have to cut them off, right?

1:03:23 Adam Re-destruct them.

1:03:24 Caller Re-locate them.

1:03:26 Adam Put one on the small of your back so when a guy is doing your doggy, you can figure out something to play with.

1:03:30 Caller Yeah, so you'd lose all feeling in it.

1:03:32 That is the sickest shit.

1:03:35 Adam Did you just use the S word?

1:03:37 Drew Almost.

1:03:37 Adam No, I didn't do it.

1:03:38 Drew I didn't use it.

1:03:39 Adam Come on. Hey, Alex, couldn't you just been a chick? I mean, you know.

1:03:45 Caller No, this is a blessing. All right. All right.

1:03:48 Adam How were you as a female? Were you attractive at all?

1:03:52 Caller I had a boyfriend.

1:03:54 Adam That guy's in deep, deep counseling right now. I guarantee you that. All right. Well, I don't know what his question is. It's question is.

1:04:02 Drew Well, should he tell this new partner?

1:04:04 Caller How should he tell her?

1:04:08 Adam Let me tell you something. You tell, and get on this cans for a second. Let me tell you.

1:04:13 Drew On the mic.

1:04:14 Adam Get on the mic for a second. Your ex tells you that he killed a squirrel when he was nine and you're good and freaked out. You know what I mean?

1:04:26 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

1:04:27 Adam He tells you he got drunk at a party in college and made out with one of his good buddies. That's going to take a little while to forget. You may. That's going up in the fall. And women, they got that orca type mind. They never forget anything. Let's go.

1:04:43 Caller Never. And you guys tell us so much before we actually like get married.

1:04:46 Adam Yeah, they keep talking. We get drunk. We start blabbing. We think it's funny. Maybe we're bragging. It's all going in the file. The was a chick part is going to be real tough because you know what? And it's sort of it's sort of implying that you couldn't get a guy. You had to get a used guy. Do you know what I mean? I mean, I mean, as a woman, aren't you kind of isn't it kind of saying like, hey, you couldn't get a real guy yet to get this this reconditioned guy?

1:05:20 Caller You know, the captured man.

1:05:21 Caller Yeah.

1:05:22 Adam You know what I mean?

1:05:23 Caller It's just man, the baggage and just you'd be free to way too much. It's just way too much.

1:05:29 Adam Yeah. Oh, don't don't worry, I'm going to use my labia majora to have a scrotum fashion in a couple of weeks. I'm saving for that. So we got that to look forward to, honey. And hopefully to get my nipples on in the right place. It's going to be tough. But you had to know it going in, didn't you? Didn't you have to know that?

1:05:48 Caller Oh, yeah. No, you can't.

1:05:50 Adam So you're going to find the right.

1:05:52 Drew That is the point. He's got to be open about this immediately.

1:05:55 Adam You might as well. And there's somebody out there. And why not go with a transgendered male to female?

1:06:01 Drew Another one?

1:06:02 Adam Yeah, have the surgeon parry up. And listen, I don't trust these surgeons.

1:06:07 Caller I don't.

1:06:09 Adam I really don't. I think these are crazy people that need counseling, not that part's cut off. I've said it many times. People say, people are, oh, no, no, they're much happier. They're much happier. They're much happier. Okay, what if I think my pinky is possessed? It's possessed. It's causing me bad luck. It keeps going up my nose and then my ass. Actually goes up my ass and then my nose. The point is, is it's possessed. It's bringing me bad luck.

1:06:35 Drew It's a nuisance.

1:06:36 Adam I've wanted it gone ever since I was born.

1:06:38 Drew It's a public nuisance.

1:06:40 Adam Should a surgeon take it off because I've convinced myself that this thing is possessed or that needs to go? Of course not. It's not his job. His job is to get me into counseling so I can learn to love my pinky again. It's still going on my ass, by the way. But you know what I'm saying? Not cut it off and say the guy's pinky was possessed.

1:07:03 Drew Alex seemed pretty good.

1:07:04 Adam He did.

1:07:05 Caller It did.

1:07:06 Adam Jennifer?

1:07:08 Caller Hello?

1:07:09 Adam You're 17.

1:07:10 Caller Yeah.

1:07:11 Adam Would you like to become a man?

1:07:13 Caller No.

1:07:15 Adam Yeah. What's worse? I think it's tougher for a woman to become a man than for a man to become a woman.

1:07:23 Drew Tougher?

1:07:24 Adam Yeah.

1:07:24 Drew Why do you say that?

1:07:25 Adam Physiologically. Well, the penis, you just got to get rid of it.

1:07:30 Drew The surgery is tougher.

1:07:31 Adam They just fillet it. They cut it down the middle and open it up like a frankfurter that's been on a barbecue too long. It cracks along the middle there. These guys who looked into this? I got to look at it. Is this what they wanted to get in the med school for? I could really love to talk to them. I'd really love to have one of these guys defend themselves on this show. It's crack pots. Jennifer?

1:07:54 Caller Yeah.

1:07:54 Adam All right, I'm sorry. Go ahead.

1:07:55 Caller Okay. I don't think that I've been abused, but I don't know. I was just wondering, because some of my friends have brought it up, because I've been dating a 28-year-old for like 10 months or so, and he has been married and divorced and has two kids and everything, and I'm just like, I really, really like him, and I'm just like wondering if I'm like messed up or anything.

1:08:18 Adam What's he do?

1:08:21 Caller You're going to make fun of him.

1:08:22 Adam Yeah, I am. He work around metal?

1:08:25 Caller He's a diesel mechanic.

1:08:26 Drew Diesel mechanic.

1:08:27 Adam Oh, yeah. Well, we all know most of the components for diesel engines are made of wood, plastic, and goat hair.

1:08:33 Drew Yeah. It would be wood and hair.

1:08:35 Adam Made of metal.

1:08:35 Drew Yeah.

1:08:36 Adam For a minute, I thought he worked around metal. His tools are fashion from a Walrus Tusk. I think. And bound together using hemp twine. Yeah. I'd say just about everything this guy does is around something metal. No more, almost no more metal than diesel mechanic. All right. So he's white trash, this guy, right?

1:09:00 Caller No, he's not.

1:09:01 Adam Oh, he's very nice.

1:09:01 Caller Yeah, he is.

1:09:02 Adam I don't care. There's nice white trash.

1:09:05 Drew I don't know if he's 28, you're 17. Just when you're 28 and you look at it, if you look at it when you're 28 and you look at a peer dating someone in high school, you will freak out and run from somebody who behaves like that.

1:09:18 Adam And one day when you have a 17 year old girl, you'll freak if she's dating anyone.

1:09:22 Drew You'll kill the guy.

1:09:23 Caller I've heard this like a million times over, but I'm not really talking about him. I'm talking about like me. Is there something wrong with me?

1:09:30 Drew Oh, why you would do that?

1:09:30 Adam A little bit.

1:09:31 Caller Yeah.

1:09:31 Drew Yeah, a little bit.

1:09:33 Adam Not that much, but a little bit.

1:09:34 Drew It's suspicious.

1:09:35 Adam Where's your dad?

1:09:37 Caller In the living room.

1:09:38 Adam I see. Is that some kind of slang for prison now?

1:09:42 Caller No.

1:09:43 Adam No. Does he drink?

1:09:45 Caller I live with both my parents and they're both really nice and supportive and I love them.

1:09:48 Adam They don't drink?

1:09:49 Caller No.

1:09:50 Adam They don't beat on you?

1:09:51 Caller Nope. Never.

1:09:52 Adam All right. Well, then stop it.

1:09:53 Drew It's normal for you to be attracted to older guys. We're more concerned with the guy that would go through with this than we are about your instinct.

1:10:00 Adam I'm floating a new theory. You got a big ass?

1:10:04 Caller Not at all. Nope.

1:10:07 Adam Missing a tooth?

1:10:08 Caller No.

1:10:09 Adam Something's wrong with you physically?

1:10:10 Caller No, not at all.

1:10:11 Adam Really?

1:10:12 Caller Yeah.

1:10:12 Adam You're attractive?

1:10:13 Caller Yeah.

1:10:14 Adam You feel good about yourself?

1:10:15 Caller Yep.

1:10:16 Adam Feel like you could go out with some of the guys from high school or local college or something like that?

1:10:22 Caller I've tried that, but they're all really immature.

1:10:24 Adam I see. You need a nice diesel mechanic who's going through a divorce?

1:10:27 Drew Yeah, two kids.

1:10:30 Adam He needs a nice mature guy who dates a high school chick when he's got two kids. He's going through a divorce.

1:10:34 Drew Isn't that the irony of this?

1:10:35 Adam That's the definition of maturity.

1:10:37 Drew Yeah.

1:10:37 Adam Twenty-eight-year-old guy banging around with an underage chick. He's a senior in high school.

1:10:41 Drew There's a mature. That's a mature guy.

1:10:43 Adam Yeah. Guy's probably got a ten-year-old.

1:10:45 Caller No, it's just that he doesn't have a ten-year-old.

1:10:47 Drew She didn't hear you.

1:10:48 Adam Yeah. You want to know what? Yeah, that's immature. Listen, doodling on a peachy folder is not immature compared to having sex with a seventeen-year-old when you're twenty-eight.

1:10:58 Drew It doesn't get more immature than that. It's flawed.

1:11:01 Caller It's just how he like handles relationships.

1:11:04 Drew Yeah. Immature.

1:11:05 Adam He's getting divorced now, isn't he?

1:11:07 Caller No, he's been divorced.

1:11:09 Adam I see. How old are his kids?

1:11:11 Caller Seven and five.

1:11:12 Adam All righty. Good. You're closer in age to the seven-year-old than you are to him. Right?

1:11:19 Drew It's true.

1:11:21 Adam Hi there, bud. Hi, Gemma. Whatever you want to do. Don't get pregnant, though.

1:11:24 Drew Enjoy.

1:11:25 Caller Oh, I can't get pregnant from him.

1:11:27 Adam You can't?

1:11:28 Caller Because he got a vasectomy.

1:11:29 Adam Good man.

1:11:29 Drew That's what he says.

1:11:30 Adam I like them more and more. Yeah. Let me tell you what happened to the vasectomy. Some guy turned over Cummings Diesel. The harmonic balancer came flying off. The crankshaft and hit him in the abdomen. Forcing sterility. Take ourselves a little break.

1:11:48 Caller We'll be back.

1:12:10 Caller You're listening to Love Line on Outrageous Talk Radio. 100.7 The Buzz.

1:12:31 Caller Hey!

1:12:34 Adam Love Line, I'm Adam Cross, Dr. Drew, over there, phone number. I forget about that one. All right, ready to pile on here, Drew?

1:12:41 Let's do it.

1:12:42 Adam Let's talk to Dr. John over here, who's 18, John.

1:12:48 Caller What's up, guys, how you doing?

1:12:49 Adam Good, how you doing?

1:12:50 I had a question for you.

1:12:51 Adam Yeah.

1:12:52 Caller When I masturbate, after I ejaculate, right?

1:12:56 Caller My erection won't go down for a long period of time.

1:12:59 Caller Like how long?

1:13:00 Adam Enjoy.

1:13:01 Caller Like 10 to 20 minutes.

1:13:02 Caller I could just sit there.

1:13:03 Adam Yeah.

1:13:03 Caller That would be normal.

1:13:04 Adam Once more.

1:13:05 Caller Is that normal?

1:13:06 Drew For your age, it's just normal.

1:13:07 Adam Yeah.

1:13:07 Caller Because I get scared a little bit.

1:13:09 Drew It's like. What do you think is going to happen?

1:13:11 Caller Nothing. It's just boring because I can't walk around.

1:13:15 Drew All right.

1:13:15 Adam Hold on a second. Drew.

1:13:16 Drew Yeah.

1:13:17 Adam Remember when you were young?

1:13:18 Drew Yeah.

1:13:19 Adam Remember how much time you spent in the pool?

1:13:22 Drew Yeah.

1:13:22 Adam Four or five hours in the pool? Now, what do you do in the pool?

1:13:25 Drew Five minutes max.

1:13:26 Adam Jump in, cool off, go to the other end. Don't want to get your hair wet. Then go get another drink and sit down. That's the same thing with your penis. This guy, he has his orgasms, his penis is like, come on, it's more. Yeah. I want to know the game of Marco Gizzo over here. I'm still playing. Marco Gizzo. Marco Gizzo. Balls out of water.

1:13:49 Caller Ever play that? No.

1:13:52 Caller Not quite like that.

1:13:53 Adam But as you get a little older, the penis doesn't wait around for a second helping it see it. So the penis is saying, I want more semen.

1:14:01 Caller Yeah.

1:14:01 Adam The balls are saying no. The penis is willing. The balls are weak.

1:14:05 Drew Well, they're refractory.

1:14:07 Adam Yeah.

1:14:07 Drew It's a little bit of waiting time there.

1:14:09 Adam Yeah. This is fine. John?

1:14:12 Caller Yeah.

1:14:12 Adam That's just the way it works.

1:14:13 Caller Well, sometimes I feel like I'm not completely finished.

1:14:16 Adam Yeah.

1:14:16 Drew Right.

1:14:17 Caller But I can't do it.

1:14:19 Adam Yeah. That's how you know you're done.

1:14:21 Drew That's what I'm talking about.

1:14:22 Adam Your calf muscle, I'll tell you when you're really done. I'll cramp up on you. You'll be clutching out, rolling around with an erection. Nothing less dignified than clutching your calf and reeling in pain while your penis is flopping around. Yeah. You'll cramp that baby right up.

1:14:40 Caller Chad?

1:14:41 Caller Yeah. Hey, guys.

1:14:41 Caller Thanks for having me on.

1:14:42 Adam That's quite all right, Chad. We're glad to have you on the program.

1:14:45 Caller What's going on?

1:14:46 Caller A couple of nights ago, when this happened about a week ago, some guy, some black guy at school was mouthing out to my girlfriend. She said he slapped her and pushed her. And I've heard different stories on it. And I called the guy up and I told him, man, don't be doing this. This is wrong. I didn't touch him. I didn't get mad at him.

1:15:05 Adam Your girlfriend's in high school?

1:15:07 Caller Yeah.

1:15:07 Caller She's 17.

1:15:11 Adam How'd you get his phone number?

1:15:12 Caller Huh?

1:15:13 Caller Well, one of my brother's friends knows his dad or something works with him or something.

1:15:19 Drew And you called your brother's friend to get his phone number?

1:15:21 Caller Yeah. He knows about it. And he knew that the conversation went down between me and this black guy.

1:15:27 Drew And your brother's friend knew about it?

1:15:30 Caller My brother's friend's father, he even knows about it.

1:15:32 Adam All right.

1:15:33 Drew But what did you call him?

1:15:34 Adam No one cares. So you called him up and what did he say?

1:15:36 Caller Okay.

1:15:37 Caller Well, he's like, you know, Okay, man, that's it.

1:15:43 Adam Let me explain something. You can't use the F word even when you're quoting a black guy. I know it sounds unfair. But if he said F you, you can't even quote it. You understand?

1:15:55 Drew Yeah.

1:15:56 Adam It's like when people use N word when they're describing a rap song. See, they don't even say it. All right. Well, I'm glad we got to the bottom of that. Jared?

1:16:06 Yeah.

1:16:07 Adam You're 19?

1:16:08 Caller Yeah.

1:16:08 Adam What's up?

1:16:08 Drew We're in Woody Allen's wildest movie.

1:16:11 Adam Yeah. This Playboy is bringing Drew back. Back to, I don't know what, I don't know why you want to go there, Drew.

1:16:18 Drew That's a good point. Good point.

1:16:19 Adam You didn't want to be there when you were there.

1:16:21 Drew Oh, I couldn't wait to get away fast enough.

1:16:23 Adam Jared, you're 19?

1:16:24 Caller Yeah.

1:16:25 Adam Yeah.

1:16:27 Caller Well, you see, this is really pissing my girlfriend off here.

1:16:36 Drew Bogus.

1:16:37 Adam Yeah, don't believe you. I don't know what the question is. I don't believe you.

1:16:40 Caller All right, fine. All right.

1:16:42 Adam Thanks. See you. It was an interesting angle at that.

1:16:47 Caller Huh?

1:16:47 Adam Okay, fine. Like, see, here's the deal. Here's the reason that angle doesn't work. Because when I hear all right, fine, then that means all right, fine. I don't care. That's absurd. I don't think about it. I don't go, Oh, wait a minute. I may have unjustly something, something. Alison?

1:17:05 Caller Yes?

1:17:06 Adam You're 25.

1:17:07 Caller 25, yeah.

1:17:09 Adam What's up?

1:17:09 Caller Actually, my question is, I am estranged from my father by my choice for about the last 10 years. Why? He was abusive towards my mother.

1:17:23 Drew Physically abusive to her?

1:17:25 Caller Physically, I think also sexually abusive. I'm one of six kids, so.

1:17:29 Drew Is he alcoholic?

1:17:30 Caller Yes, he's manic depressive too. But he only would drink when he became manic. So he was like an occasional drinker. My mother's also an alcoholic too without the alcohol. But I chose.

1:17:46 Adam I'm a heroin addict. I mean, I'm a junkie without the heroin, right? Yeah. I mean, I am.

1:17:50 Drew I know what she's talking about.

1:17:51 Adam Go ahead.

1:17:52 Caller I chose to not associate with him because of his behavior.

1:17:56 Drew This is what we were talking about earlier tonight.

1:17:58 Caller And he has recently, well, within the last five or six years, remarried and has started a new family and has a son. Now, some of my other brothers and sisters have established a relationship with this child. I, on the other hand, have not. And it sort of has been a source of contention between my sisters and I because they think, well, because this child is my half-brother, I should have a relationship with him.

1:18:26 Adam Hold on. I got a fart. I had something good going on last night. Let me tell you, I was really cooking.

1:18:41 Drew All right.

1:18:41 Adam So anyway, you had a question about farting?

1:18:45 Drew No. So how old is the child?

1:18:48 Caller He's now, but wait.

1:18:50 Adam No, it's not bad.

1:18:52 Drew I don't understand why you-

1:18:53 Adam Hey, Drew Crock, the girl's got a problem over here.

1:18:55 Drew I don't understand why you have to feel obliged to have a relationship with anyone in his life.

1:19:00 Adam Yeah, who cares? Where do you live? You don't live with them, right?

1:19:03 Caller No, no.

1:19:04 Adam No, you don't. How often do you see these people?

1:19:07 Caller I don't. I haven't seen them in 10 years.

1:19:09 Adam Oh, good. Fine. Did you say he sexually abused you?

1:19:12 Caller No, mom. No, but listen, interestingly enough, one of the other callers had mentioned something about that. I've had like phantom visions of sexual abuse. But I don't think I was sexually abused. And I actually brought this up to my mother. And as far as she knows, I never was sexually abused by him either.

1:19:31 Adam How do you know?

1:19:32 Caller Well, I was just wondering if like, if you were physically abused by someone, if you could also sort of create these visions of sexual...

1:19:40 Drew Yeah, you can create these images. And sort of what we look at is your behavior in relationships going forward in your adult life as a way of judging whether or not something really did happen. You know, if you're able to have stable intimacies over time, then sort of a mood issue.

1:19:52 Caller Yeah, although I choose much older men, so...

1:19:55 Drew Well, that may just be having a nutty dad, though.

1:19:56 Adam Yeah, that's daddy.

1:19:57 Caller Yeah, but very stable, non-alcoholic, non-abusers, that type of thing, so...

1:20:03 Adam Yeah, all right.

1:20:04 Caller Okay, thank you very much.

1:20:05 Adam All right, Sissy, we'll see you there. What was your problem?

1:20:10 Drew Something like, I don't know.

1:20:12 Adam I get so caught up in my own gas sometimes, I don't know what's going on. Well, I was really setting the world on fire last night with my ass, too. I said, is that a party or something?

1:20:22 Drew Must've been quite the hit.

1:20:23 Adam Oh, that's correct.

1:20:25 Drew If it wasn't with Daniel or Jimmy.

1:20:29 Adam Jimmy was there. I let one go on him. He was good, cousin Sal. It's good. Well, these are wonderful stories. No Huelhauser, huh? Still no Huel.

1:20:40 Drew I know him now, of course.

1:20:41 Adam Have you seen Huelhauser since I began speaking of him?

1:20:45 Drew No, no, no, only when you brought in stuff.

1:20:47 Caller Oh, boy.

1:20:49 Adam Never saw him on television. Every night he's on TV, every single night. And let me just use this moment to chastise Drew a little more. And all of you who don't know what I'm talking about, whatever it is.

1:21:01 Drew You just hung up on somebody.

1:21:02 Adam I don't care. Here's the thing. When you, this more important is about Huelhauser. I don't watch Huelhauser either. It's just Huelhauser is in between some shows that I may watch.

1:21:14 Drew Yeah.

1:21:15 Adam I mean on a channel-wise. See what I'm saying?

1:21:18 Drew Yeah, but then when you have these satellites and stuff, there's no in between.

1:21:21 Adam You'll say you don't watch PBS or you don't watch KCT or whatever the hell's out here. I don't watch that either. But you still run across it. It's almost like, no, no, don't give me that pose. It's like a billboard for a product you don't buy. You may not buy the product, but if you drive down a street, you're going to see it up on there. You may not stare at it. You may not write down a phone number, but you will see it. Now, does it register? That's the question. You don't register for you. Some people have a brain that registers. They drive down the street. They see billboards, even if it's for tampons. For me, it registers. For other people, it doesn't register. Your head is too full of those things that are in books. What is that called?

1:22:03 Drew Words.

1:22:05 Adam Words, from books, where they keep in that place with the roof and the books under it. That's what your head is full of. My head, plenty of room.

1:22:15 Drew Clay.

1:22:16 Adam Filled with clay. Filled with pinch pots and Raikou and slab pots and weathered feldspar. All I got is clay in my brain. That's all I learned. You see, I got plenty of room for Huel Hauser and Minka. Some new thought tries to get in your head, Drew. It tries to crawl in your ear. It's too tight. Got to jump out and go in another head.

1:22:37 Drew Something else got to get pushed out.

1:22:39 Adam Me, big vacancy sign hanging by my ear. Come on in, thoughts. Head on by. Plenty of room for you. So make your way in between the porno and the clay. Plenty of space. That's you, Drew. You're all full up with Latin and all that other junk. I feel very sorry for you, man.

1:22:59 Drew Thank you, man.

1:23:05 Caller I love the man.

1:23:06 Adam Ivy.

1:23:07 Caller Hello.

1:23:08 Adam You're 23.

1:23:09 Caller Uh-huh.

1:23:09 Caller What's up?

1:23:11 Caller Um, I've been married for about two years now. And for about the first year, I was on the depot shot. And my last shot expired a year ago. And me and my husband for the past six months have been trying to get me pregnant and I can't.

1:23:25 Drew How have you been trying that?

1:23:27 Caller Huh?

1:23:27 Drew How have you been trying?

1:23:29 Caller And by stopping breast control altogether and just not using protection and stuff?

1:23:33 Drew Why don't you get one of these over-the-counter kits where you can monitor when you're actually ovulating? Okay? Because you're not really trying until you've done something more specific.

1:23:42 Caller You don't think anything's wrong with me or anything?

1:23:44 Drew It's only been six months.

1:23:46 Caller Oh, it takes a while to work after that? Or?

1:23:48 Drew No, it has nothing to do with the provera. Very, very unlikely it has anything to do with that. I mean, essentially no chance of that. And you're not really working with your fertility issues. Go in the pharmacy and look in their kits there to help you time when you're ovulating. Get one of those, okay?

1:24:08 Adam All right, what, they use the temperature?

1:24:09 Drew Yeah, mostly. And there's also little kits. They have all kinds of stuff they can do now.

1:24:13 Adam What do they call it, the basil?

1:24:15 Drew Basil body temperature. It's one of the things they can do. That was nice. Nice.

1:24:22 Adam I went to Dr. Hogley Wogley's Tyler Texas Barbecue tonight.

1:24:26 Drew Got myself some ribs.

1:24:27 Caller Oh, yes you did.

1:24:28 Drew Wow.

1:24:31 Caller Hey, hey, hey.

1:24:32 Caller Woo-wee.

1:24:33 Adam And some good ribbing over there.

1:24:35 Drew I love you too, man.

1:24:36 Adam You ever eat those ribs, man? You do that?

1:24:41 Drew Hogley Wogley is kind of a 70s name too, right?

1:24:43 Adam Oh man, that is good rib eating over there. You ever do that, bro?

1:24:46 Drew Yeah, man.

1:24:47 Adam All right, dude. We'll be back.

1:25:10 Caller You're listening to Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio. 100.7 The Buzz.

1:25:27 Adam GIO Get It, Loveline. Yeah, the fabulous mink and the M1 Asian big boob queen is going to be in here on Wednesday night to tell you about all her new projects. Although you ain't going to be able to understand her. She'll speak some English, but not a whole lot. But enough, she's going to be entertaining. And I think I can spink, spink. I think I can speak fluent Minka.

1:25:58 Drew Oh, so you'll be able to translate for her?

1:25:59 Adam I think I can. Yes, because we both, we speak the language of love in Silicon.

1:26:04 Drew Oh, good.

1:26:05 Adam To be able to be an interpreter for Minka. Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray will be in here on Tuesday. He has no difficulty talking, so he'll be good. Daryl?

1:26:14 Caller Yeah.

1:26:15 Adam Year 28?

1:26:16 Drew Daryl's our friend.

1:26:18 Caller Yeah.

1:26:19 Adam Oh, yeah. It's the Hillbelly.

1:26:21 Caller Now, I ain't no Hillbelly now. Don't be mean. I went on a date, fellas.

1:26:26 Drew Oh, tell us about it.

1:26:29 Adam With a possum.

1:26:30 Caller No. I have a friend named James Jack, and they had set me up with a girl. Yeah.

1:26:35 Adam Now, hold on, hold on a second, Drew. You do the world's worst radio because you just assume everyone heard Daryl call the show last week. Daryl, please, Drew, you got to understand that.

1:26:47 Drew Set it up. Yeah. I was going to let him talk for a bit first.

1:26:50 Adam Yeah. But it's better that people know that he's 6'2. How much does he weigh?

1:26:54 Drew Don't remember. 240?

1:26:56 Adam 275. He called the show in. He lives with his mom. He has a goat. The goat was his brother's goat. Lives in Texas and he was having intercourse with the goat. Right.

1:27:10 Drew And you were sure to-

1:27:11 Adam Because the ladies weren't fond of him. How did he put it? They didn't mix.

1:27:16 Drew They didn't take. They didn't take.

1:27:19 Adam Was that how he said it? Yeah.

1:27:20 Drew Ladies didn't take.

1:27:21 Adam Yeah. So he was having sex with this goat. He wasn't-

1:27:23 Drew He was sure to enlighten us about where the stool went and stuff too.

1:27:26 Adam Yeah. It wasn't- Yeah. He had to pull it out once in a while. He wasn't happy about his relationship with the goat. No. I don't think the goat was either. But anyway, now he's got a date. So he's calling back. Darryl?

1:27:38 Caller Yeah.

1:27:39 Caller Yeah. I'll wait 275.

1:27:41 Adam Yeah.

1:27:42 Caller Right. Okay. Yeah. I met this gal. Well, my friend set me up with her. We went out on a date and we went and ate pizza and whatnot. We had a real nice time.

1:27:51 Caller Did it take?

1:27:52 Caller Yeah. Well, it took all night.

1:27:54 Caller Kind of.

1:27:55 Adam Yeah. But I thought you said, what did you say about how women-

1:27:59 Caller Women never took to me.

1:28:00 Adam That's right. They didn't take you.

1:28:02 Caller But this one did, it seemed to have. But she's 45. She's got a couple of kids and what not. She's quite a bit older than me. And you know, she liked me. And I think I finally found someone who had a teeth problem like I did.

1:28:15 Adam Had what?

1:28:15 Caller Had a teeth problem like I did.

1:28:17 Adam Oh, she is.

1:28:18 Caller Her teeth were a little bit messed up. Well, Lord, I hope she's listening.

1:28:21 Adam Well, now hold on. Now first off, Darryl, it's teeth-us. It's not teeth. It's teeth-us. It's more than one tooth. Teeth-us.

1:28:28 Drew Tooths.

1:28:28 Caller Well, I don't even know if she has that many.

1:28:30 Adam Oh, I see.

1:28:31 Caller Anyway, listen.

1:28:32 Adam Her tooth is having a problem.

1:28:34 Drew Jimmy was here that night.

1:28:35 Caller But-

1:28:36 Caller That's right. Yeah.

1:28:39 Caller Anyway, we went on a date and we did the nasty or what not.

1:28:44 Drew Oh, you did?

1:28:45 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:28:47 Drew On your first date?

1:28:48 Caller Well, this girl, when I told you it took on her alone, she's kind of used to it, if you know what I mean. She's one of them fast, kind of go-lucky gals that work it.

1:28:56 Adam Yeah.

1:28:57 Caller Anyway-

1:28:57 Adam What do you think this must say, a dab from the Hamptons that Darryl had taken out? One of the Kennedys perhaps?

1:29:07 Caller No, I don't know about none of that.

1:29:08 Adam No.

1:29:09 Caller I know. I can't listen to y'all during the week because I work at nights, but I try to record y'all some of y'all shows or whatever. But-

1:29:17 Adam How do you do that?

1:29:18 Caller How do I do that?

1:29:19 Adam Yeah. I mean-

1:29:20 Caller I leave the house at 10.30 and your show where I live comes on 10 o'clock.

1:29:24 Adam Where do you work?

1:29:25 Caller I work in a factory.

1:29:26 Adam That's right.

1:29:27 Caller I don't name it, but it-

1:29:28 Adam Yeah, I know.

1:29:29 Caller But anyway-

1:29:29 Adam Can't you bring yourself a little headphones in there and listen to it at work?

1:29:33 Caller No. The machines are too loud.

1:29:35 Adam Really?

1:29:35 Caller I couldn't hear it. Just bang, bang on them. On their compressors and stuff like that. I see.

1:29:41 Adam Do you wear- do you use ear protection?

1:29:43 Caller Yeah. We supposed to, but I don't ever do.

1:29:46 Adam Yeah. Well, it's gonna-

1:29:46 Caller Have people at night shift. They don't-

1:29:48 Adam It's gonna damage your hearing.

1:29:50 Caller Well, I think I'm already damaged, but-

1:29:52 Adam All right, but why damage your morgue?

1:29:54 Caller But there's something I want to tell Drew.

1:29:55 Adam Hold on, Darryl. Get yourself- Darryl, listen to me, brother. I don't know why I'm fixated on this, but would you listen?

1:30:01 Drew Get some hair.

1:30:02 Caller I'll listen to you, Adam.

1:30:03 Adam Okay. I worked for many years doing jobs I didn't want to do, and the only thing that got me by was wearing a pair of- I got a Sony Walkman and listening to some kind of talk radio to help me pass the day. You got to get yourself a little headphones and listen to this radio show or any other radio show while you're at work. I know it's allowed, but you turn it up.

1:30:25 Caller Okay.

1:30:25 Caller I'll try to.

1:30:25 Adam All right. It'll make it go by faster.

1:30:28 Caller Okay.

1:30:29 Caller All right.

1:30:29 Drew What was it you wanted to tell me?

1:30:31 Caller I went Wednesday and I went to see a psychiatrist about the thing.

1:30:36 Caller Wow.

1:30:37 Caller I was serious last week when I told him I wanted to get help.

1:30:40 Drew Well, you're moving along real fast here.

1:30:42 Caller Yeah.

1:30:42 Drew I mean, you've seen some-

1:30:42 Caller Well, we had one session with him.

1:30:44 Drew Yeah, but still you've taken care of yourself and you've now met somebody. That's kind of a stout.

1:30:47 Caller Well, I just met that one guy. Hell, I don't know if I ever see her again.

1:30:50 Drew Were you a virgin at that point?

1:30:52 Caller No, hell no.

1:30:53 Adam Hell no. You know when we goats he banged? How dare you? You banged the whole flock.

1:30:59 Drew How did you tell the psychiatrist about the goat situation?

1:31:04 Caller How I feel about it. That's what that psychiatrist kept asking me, if I'm going to do it again and so forth. And if he asked me, he had asked me inmate questions like was I in love with the damn thing or something?

1:31:16 Adam No, he didn't ask you that.

1:31:17 Caller Yes he did. Yes he damn sure did. He said, did I feel like I, you know, like if that was a person. He kept saying to it like if I felt like it was a person. When I kept telling him no, I kept telling him I think about somebody else every time I've done it. But it hasn't happened in this week and I haven't had any urges or nothing. But I don't think it will happen again.

1:31:40 Adam No, you don't think so. But how about getting rid of that goat?

1:31:43 Caller I can't Adam. My brother, you know, he suspects something.

1:31:47 Adam No, he would not.

1:31:48 Drew He loves that goat. What a good natured goat.

1:31:51 Adam When my cat, I had a dog that died a few years ago. People didn't assume that because I was nailing it, I had it killed. You know what I mean? There's a handful of people in my family that suspected that. But the general consensus wasn't that I was banging my dog. And no, that's a guilty person thinking that way. I'd say it's about a million reasons to get rid of a goat.

1:32:15 Drew It's not his goat though.

1:32:16 Adam When you live with a goat, there's plenty of reasons to get rid of the goat. I don't think his brother lives there. You think his brother lives there?

1:32:23 Drew I thought he went to where the brother was to get the goat.

1:32:26 Adam No, he lives with the goat.

1:32:28 Caller No, we all live with the goat. My brother lives there too. See, the thing is...

1:32:32 Adam Is it chained up in the living room?

1:32:34 Caller No, it's chained up outside. Like I said, he's had it for a couple of years.

1:32:39 Adam How old is your brother?

1:32:40 Caller My brother is 19 years old. He will kick the dog out of me if he hears me talking like this. He's a big old boy. What I'm saying is I let the damn goat go one time and I hated it before I ever touched it. And the damn thing won't leave. I mean, why would it? It gets food and everything else.

1:32:58 Adam It gets everything. I'll tell you. It gets it all. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I did that too. I mean, I know what you mean. It's like if you love something, you set it free. And if it comes back, how's that go, Drew?

1:33:15 Drew You said it right.

1:33:16 Adam All right. Daryl?

1:33:17 Caller Yeah.

1:33:18 Adam You got yourself a nice old fat toothless chick to have sex with.

1:33:22 Caller I don't know if she'll come back or not.

1:33:24 Adam Well, play cards right, as you will. You got yourself a little therapy. Tomorrow you go down and get yourself some headphones so you can bring them into the factory.

1:33:33 Caller I'm listening to y'all.

1:33:34 Adam You get to listen to y'all's. Y'all's.

1:33:37 Drew Y'all's show.

1:33:39 Adam Y'all's. Y'all's. What are y'all's?

1:33:41 Caller I got one show last week, I think it was. All right.

1:33:45 Adam Bring those headphones in. It'll give you a little ear protection and you can focus on us instead of doing your job and get your hand caught in something. All right, Darryl. You stay away from that goat. But here's the thing. When there's something that you're having sex with living in the house, whether it be an ex-girlfriend, a goat or beanbag chair, like my friend. Well, I don't like to talk about my friend Carl doing that because he calls me and tells me a few people listening. He has a job or.

1:34:15 Drew President of Bank now.

1:34:16 Adam There's kids and stuff. Oh, here's my point. Here's what I'm saying. You got to get that out of house because you're just a couple of beers away from getting into that. It's temptation. You can't handle it. You know what I mean? You can't live with that. Listen, if you were someone who was into heroin or something, you think you can keep a needle and some of your stash up on a shelf and some. How long before you get into it?

1:34:41 Drew That's right.

1:34:42 Adam If you're on a diet, you got a sack of peanut butter cups and a freezer. How long? How long before you get into that? You can't keep that around the house. Now, you may be well enough not to drive down and go pick yourself up some heroin, go to the park or go get yourself some peanut butter cups. But you ain't going to ignore it if it's under that roof. That's right. He's got to move out. He's 28.

1:35:04 Caller He's got to move out of the house.

1:35:05 Adam He's got a job. I've got to pack up that Fred Samford type truck or that Beverly Hillbillies type truck. He's got to move out. All right, we'll be back. Well, there you go. Another famous Loveline show again. I don't know if I can remember it. We thank Lauren and Producer Anne, and of course, the great one, Engineer Anderson. So until next time, Adam Corolla. Uh-huh.

1:35:47 Drew What?

1:35:49 Caller We still got like another 30 seconds of the show.

1:35:51 Adam Oh, really? We can't go home?

1:35:52 Drew No, no, no, no. Our thing says five seconds.

1:35:54 Adam Yeah. Now we're ready to go.

1:35:55 Drew Now it's like three seconds, but we should, yeah.

1:35:58 Adam Yeah. What did we kill? 45 seconds and a little shame. So until next time, this is Adam Crawford, Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo, with my mother, who I had sex with.

1:36:09 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, December 10, 2000