Episode 1000754887068

1:02 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:13 Hey!

1:14 Voiceover Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. It's Loveline. Yeah. Pump up that energy. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191-FACTS-NUMBER-310-8544455. Dr. Drew.

1:29 So transparent.

1:30 Adam I know. I'm tired as hell. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Yeah. Didn't get any sleep last night because I ate some, well, I'm going to figure out the name of it, some kind of root that Dr. Bruce's friend told me to eat, you know, to make me tired.

1:48 Drew He kept you up.

1:48 Adam I was up. I slept like hell.

1:50 Drew Kavacava or something like that?

1:52 Adam No, Kavacava doesn't do it at all. Listen, you know what? Let me explain something, everybody. You know what does stuff? Stuff. Not extract and roots and all this nonsense, all this homeopathic BS and all that. No. It doesn't do it. It's the difference between jet fuel and your dad's aquavelva. Yeah. It don't have the punch and I need the punch. You know what I'm starting to think? It's not your own personal chemistry. People go, well, kava kava doesn't work, but use melatonin, that'll knock you off your feet. You know my other promise too, I'm talking to too many lightweights out there.

2:33 Drew You also don't believe stuff.

2:35 Adam I don't believe it.

2:36 Drew You're not suggestible.

2:38 Adam But I have too many people that, I know too many people that are lightweights. Go down to Trader Joe's, get the herbal night camp. Now, just take a half at the beginning, because you take a whole tablet and you may never wake up. You may be put in a coma. Fourteen bottles later and a bottle of red wine, and I'm sitting there three in the morning, masterban watching television. I'm thinking to myself, I'm going to kill this person. All right. Dr. Drew, board certified physician. Yeah. Here we go. David?

3:07 Yeah.

3:08 Adam What's up?

3:08 What's up, man?

3:09 Adam Hey.

3:10 Dr. Drew, how are you doing?

3:11 Drew Good.

3:12 You all are great. I love the show.

3:14 Adam Thank you.

3:14 All right. Adam, I got a question for you, man.

3:16 Adam Yeah.

3:17 I was listening to you a couple of weeks ago, and you were talking about your oral sex techniques.

3:22 Adam Yeah.

3:22 I was wondering how you do it. Give us the lowdown on it.

3:27 Adam I don't remember what my techniques were, but here they are. I don't remember what I said last time. I didn't know I had any particular technique.

3:35 Drew Well, you'll actually put the remote down for a couple of minutes, won't you?

3:37 Adam I'll use it on the bitch.

3:40 Drew Or put it down.

3:41 Adam Or put it down.

3:42 Drew Yeah.

3:42 Adam Right. All right. Here's the deal, Damon. It varies from woman to woman. Oh, yeah? Yeah. But in general, I think they like a slow, easy sort of, well, actually, wait a minute. I'm going to take that back. They like a little variety, but they like consistency, not all over the place.

4:02 Drew Give them your cat analogy.

4:04 Adam Here's what I'm saying. You know certain songs have tempos that shift in the middle of the song, but they don't fly all over the place. They start with one, then they speed up a little, then they slow down, but it stays on it for a little while. Yes, he does. I don't know. I'm too tired to help you out before WorldSex.

4:24 Drew It's a full moon. We are under the influence of something tonight.

4:26 Adam We're in trouble already. Listen, Damon, OK, here's all I want to say. Find that Clitoris and stay on it. Stay on it like a cornerback in the NFL stays on a wide receiver.

4:41 Drew Not too rough.

4:42 Adam Not too firmly. Stay consistent and keep your eyes open. Let me tell you something. I know I've told this story before, but it bears repeating. Well, I don't mean that literally.

4:56 Drew Pay attention.

4:57 Adam Pay attention. My grandfather used to do this trick. He'd do this thing where he sodomized me. No. He'd do this thing where he'd tell someone to pick an object like in the room, like a lamp or something like that. You wouldn't tell him what it was. Then he'd hold your hand and he would guide you to it. But the trick was is you would guide him to it by just subtle pieces of pressure you'd put on in one way or the other. He could figure out through the slight touch of your hand and the way your body worked and stuff. He'd mysteriously guide people to the object they'd picked five minutes earlier.

5:32 Drew He was like a Ouija board.

5:33 Adam He was like a Ouija board. That's right. Hungarian Ouija board. That's what you need to be like when you're downstairs. She's not going to smack you in the side of the head and go harder this way or pull up or do that. She's not going to grab a tuft of your hair, but she's going to very subtly let you know what feels good. Your job is to be like my grandfather when he was alive, feeling the slight variations, the very subtle directional changes.

6:01 Drew When he did that with you, would you try to relax your hand?

6:03 Adam Danielle, you're getting hot when I'm telling you about this, aren't you?

6:08 Drew She just puked. Would you try to relax your hand? Would you just sit there and just go here and concentrate?

6:13 Adam You'd try, but listen, all those kind of tricks, whether it's the Ouija board or whenever someone says, pick something and you're going to find it for me or I'm going to find it for you, it's all based on where you're looking, what you're doing, and all the unconscious sort of body language you have, you know what I'm saying?

6:28 Drew Even if you're trying consciously to override.

6:30 Adam It probably makes it worse. Stacey?

6:33 Yes?

6:33 Adam You're 32.

6:35 Caller OK.

6:36 Drew Let's go. Go ahead.

6:38 Caller I have a 14-year-old son who, he has a mentality of an eight year old. We've had him tested.

6:44 Drew Why?

6:44 Caller He walks into the room.

6:46 Drew Why does he have that? What?

6:47 Caller The mentality of an eight year old?

6:49 Drew Right.

6:49 Caller I don't know that they've just tested him. He just acts like he's eight.

6:53 Drew Wait a minute. He has the IQ of an eight year old? Yes. You haven't asked the question why that happened to him?

7:00 Caller No. What I'm wondering is why he looks-

7:02 Drew Wait. Why does he have an IQ of an eight year old? What's the problem?

7:06 Caller He just doesn't understand anything.

7:10 Drew Does he have a neurologic problem? Does he have a medical problem?

7:13 Adam Hold on. The acorn don't fall too far from the tree.

7:17 Drew I see.

7:17 Adam Let me try that one out on Stacey. Stacey?

7:19 Caller Yes.

7:20 Adam Acorn don't fall too far from the tree?

7:22 Caller Right.

7:22 Adam You know what that means, baby?

7:24 Caller Yeah.

7:24 Adam Okay. Maybe there's a little that going on.

7:26 Drew Try another parable.

7:27 Caller Well- I have a problem. I don't understand how to straighten it out.

7:31 Adam Okay. But what Drew is asking is, is there a medical diagnosis-

7:36 Drew That rendered him underdeveloped?

7:39 Caller Yeah. He has bipolar disorder.

7:40 Drew Okay. Now we're getting warmer.

7:41 Adam We're getting warmer. Yeah.

7:43 Drew Anything else? Any attention deficit or reading disorders or learning problems, learning disorders?

7:47 Caller He's in special ed in school.

7:49 Drew Okay. So he has some sort of learning disability.

7:51 Caller Yeah.

7:52 Caller All right.

7:53 Drew And he's bipolar. And did anything happen to him? Was he head injury, trauma, anything?

7:57 Caller No.

7:58 Caller I divorced his father because he was beating on everybody.

8:01 Drew So your dad beat the crap out of the kid?

8:03 Caller Yeah.

8:03 Drew And were you doing drugs or anything when you were pregnant?

8:05 Caller No.

8:06 Drew Anybody doing what?

8:08 Caller No, not at all.

8:09 Adam You waited till after you gave birth to do heroin?

8:12 Caller No, I didn't do heroin. I smoked weed.

8:14 Caller Yeah.

8:14 Drew Did you smoke weed when you were pregnant?

8:15 Caller No.

8:16 Caller All right.

8:16 Adam Well, what are you doing now? You must be smoking weed or something, right?

8:19 Caller Well, yeah, I am now.

8:21 Caller All right.

8:21 Caller Well, my problem is why is he keep dropping his doors in front of people and asking them why he's got hair between the legs? Uh-oh.

8:28 Drew Have you tried explaining to him why?

8:30 Caller Yeah. I even got a book from the psychiatrist.

8:32 Drew Good. And how do you take that?

8:33 Caller Went through the stages with him and he still does it in front of people. Company.

8:38 Caller Yeah.

8:38 Adam But what kind of company?

8:40 Caller My sister, my niece and nephews.

8:42 Caller Oh. All right.

8:43 Drew Well.

8:45 Adam Yeah. So he's 14. He drops his drawers and asks why there's hair? Between there?

8:52 Caller Yeah.

8:53 Adam Hmm. And how old are your nieces and nephews?

8:56 Caller They range from 16 to 8 years old.

8:59 Adam Okay.

9:00 Drew Just be careful. There's really no telling what other impulses he might be having difficulty containing.

9:05 Adam Oh, baby.

9:06 Caller Right.

9:07 Drew And it is part of no doubt of this neuropsychiatric delay he's got or disorder.

9:12 Caller Right.

9:13 Drew And it does not specifically sound like a bipolar symptom, but really, boy, I think you'd want to have him neurologically testing this to see why his impulse control and his judgment is so impaired.

9:23 Caller Okay.

9:24 Adam Hey, Stacey, have any other kids?

9:26 Caller You have a 12-year-old.

9:27 Adam Oh, yeah.

9:28 Caller He's pretty normal.

9:29 Adam He's a guy.

9:30 Caller Yeah, he's a guy.

9:31 Adam All right. Here's our plan, Stacey. I would look at it as a coup if only one of your sons ended up in jail.

9:38 Caller Yeah.

9:38 Adam What do you think?

9:39 Caller Yeah.

9:40 Adam You think we could meet that lofty goal?

9:42 Caller Yeah.

9:42 Adam Only 50% of your offspring ends up incarcerated?

9:45 Caller Well, my 12-year-old's already been incarcerated.

9:47 Drew Oh, my God.

9:47 Adam Hey, Stacey, listen to me, you weedaholic. Hey, listen to me, mama. Mama screwball.

9:56 Evil pot-smoking hand jobber.

9:58 Adam You?

9:58 Drew Where did that come from?

9:59 Adam I don't know, but I like that. Evil pot-smoking hand jobber. These, who said that? Who is that, Anderson?

10:07 Drew Who was it?

10:08 Adam It wasn't me, was it?

10:08 Caller Jimmy's Chicken Shack.

10:09 Adam Oh, Jimmy's Chicken Shack.

10:11 Caller Wow.

10:12 Adam That Anderson, he's like an idiot. Savant. No, I was going to say Savant, but I threw another idiot on there. He's like an idiot, idiot, idiot, Savant.

10:20 Drew But he's an idiot's idiot.

10:21 Adam Right.

10:21 Caller Adam, shut up.

10:22 Adam Stacey.

10:23 Caller Yes.

10:24 Adam Listen to me. If one of these kids hurts another human being, I'm holding you responsible.

10:29 Caller It won't happen.

10:30 Adam Start mothering. Stop smoking the weed, stop medicating yourself, and start mothering. Would you please? I understand you're trying, but you've got to start trying harder and put down the weed.

10:41 Caller I don't smoke weed around my kids and I don't care.

10:43 Drew Stacey, it's affecting your brain. We can hear it.

10:46 Adam You're out of it.

10:47 Caller How's that?

10:47 Adam You're out of it.

10:49 Caller I don't understand what you're saying.

10:51 Adam It's like talking to a bean bag.

10:53 Caller This is not a front of a joke about. I'm serious.

10:56 Adam You're serious and I'm serious too. You sound out of it. You understand?

11:01 Drew I'm confused.

11:03 Adam That's right.

11:04 Drew Because of the pot.

11:05 Adam Thank you.

11:06 Drew What?

11:06 Adam Do you want to help us illustrate our point any better? Stacey.

11:10 Caller It's not because of the pot. I didn't smoke weed when I was pregnant.

11:13 Drew Oh my God.

11:14 Adam Okay. All right, hon. Hey, Stacey, I'm saying now you're smoking weed.

11:19 Drew The way you're thinking, the difficulty you have comprehending simple English that we're speaking is the result of long periods of exposure to weed.

11:29 Adam Okay.

11:29 Drew It's going to make you have difficulty motivating, it's going to make you depressed and anxious, and you're not going to be able to do your job of mother.

11:35 Adam Right.

11:36 Caller I have no problem doing my job as a mother. I have a full-time job. I'm not on welfare or anything like that.

11:42 Adam Stacey, you got a 12-year-old that's already been in jail. How good a job are you doing? You're getting a citation from the state?

11:48 Caller It's not my fault that he went to jail, it was his father's fault.

11:51 Adam Okay, baby. All right. You keep weaving that magic.

11:55 Caller Yeah, I was at work, and he got my roster for breaking a window.

11:58 Adam Okay. You're doing a wonderful job. You stay with it. And smoke more pot, you'll be even a better mother, according to your logic, right?

12:05 Caller No.

12:05 Adam Okay. Listen, can we have her sterilized? I hate to sound like the world's biggest prick, and I know she married a jackass and all that, but mama, that's mama Roach. Right there, everybody. That, hey, you want to know where unemployment, you want to know where crime, you want to know where everything's coming from? Let's talk to Stacey. Got a 12-year-old already been in the pokey. This is where it's coming from, everybody. That's it. That's the only answer you need to know, right there. Oh, Jesus Christ.

12:40 Drew What the hell was that?

12:41 Adam That was God paying you back for attacking Stacey. All right. Hey, you know what happened to me tonight?

12:48 Drew Uh-oh.

12:49 Adam For the first time in my life, I tuned into Jeopardy during the final question. I got it right and none of the three eggheads got it right. It's the only time of this has ever happened and it's the only time it's ever going to happen.

13:02 Drew What was the question?

13:03 Adam The question was...

13:03 Drew I'm not building.

13:05 Adam No, no, no, no.

13:05 Drew Wood. It was wood.

13:06 Adam No, no, no. This is why I got it right because none of the three people, including myself, knew the answer. So it was a pure sort of logic question.

13:16 Drew What was the category?

13:16 Adam It was like an IQ type question.

13:18 Drew What was the category?

13:19 Adam I don't know what the category was. I tuned in after the question.

13:23 Drew The answer.

13:24 Adam After the question or the answer. The question was or the answer was, so let's not get mired in that mess. I'm paraphrasing, but this person flew his 767 back to his home, and the plane was dubbed Shepherd One. Who was this person? That's all we had to go off of. And I don't know what the category was.

13:54 Drew Alan Shepard?

13:55 Adam Well, that was all their guesses.

13:57 Caller Yeah.

13:58 Adam But I said the Pope.

14:01 Oh, yes.

14:02 Drew Very good.

14:03 Adam Because that was a Jeopardy question. It was based solely on logic and not on knowledge.

14:07 Drew Was it? It was S-H-E-E-P? How does Shepherd spelled when it's a sheep? No, no, seriously, when it's a sheep.

14:12 Adam Are you kidding? I don't know. I think 1P. Hey, Kevin?

14:16 Drew Yeah.

14:16 Adam You're 22.

14:17 Drew Pope flew it himself?

14:19 Adam Well, no.

14:20 Drew That's where it screws you up. Do you think you really got in his own plane? No.

14:23 Adam You know what screws you up? You know what I realized screws you up about that question? Flew home. When you think home, you think USA. When someone flew a 767 home, you think you're, when you hear the word home, you think where you are. You don't think Rome.

14:38 Drew Here's my headwind. My headwind. Shepard's, who can fly a plane? What famous person can fly a plane and can afford his own plane to fly to his own house?

14:47 Adam All right. Not to his own house.

14:48 Drew He took it home.

14:50 Adam Yeah. He didn't land on his driveway. Kevin?

14:53 Yeah.

14:53 Adam You're 22.

14:54 Caller Yeah.

14:54 Adam What's up?

14:55 Caller Oh, me and my girl have been together for about a year and a half now. And sex is like all the time. But two weeks ago, I proposed to her. And now she's like, she wants to wait and not have me until we get married. But that's like another year and a half away.

15:13 Drew You have a famous statement about this decision, right?

15:15 Adam I do.

15:16 Drew For religious reasons, she wants to wait till you're married?

15:19 Adam No. What do I mean? You've been banging the bejesus out of her for the last six months, right?

15:24 Caller It's not me, it's her.

15:25 Drew Religious, though. It's a religious reason in spite of having been sexually active.

15:28 Adam I know it's not you, it's her. But I mean, you've been having sex with her for the last year, right?

15:34 Yeah.

15:35 Adam So I'm going to pose the question again. If it's for religious reasons, why is she letting you have sex with her for the last year in the first place?

15:43 Caller I don't know. I guess because she didn't think it was, you know.

15:47 Adam Hold on a second.

15:48 Drew As you, Adam, have put it in the past.

15:49 Adam What is it? Son of Tardnight?

15:50 Drew It's Full Moon Night. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.

15:54 Adam They took with the way all of the brains of the people who call this goddamn show. Who were you just talking to? That crazy pot smoking witch who was with her kids? Couldn't even get a point across to her.

16:06 Evil pot smoking hand jobber.

16:10 Adam Hey, Kevin? All right, listen. Here's what you gotta do. You know what you gotta do? You gotta pretend like you're okay with it. Like you're on board with it. Like it's cool with you. Like you respect her. But hey, I respect you and your retarded religious ideology. So we'll go along with it. Then you just play cool. Then you just start watching TV and start feeding booze to her and you nail her. That's the way it works. Okay. Yeah.

16:33 Drew Oh, okay. Yeah, great, Kevin.

16:35 Adam Listen, the worst thing you can do as a guy is start arguing with a woman over sex like at noon. Oh, on a Tuesday.

16:41 Drew Forget it.

16:42 Adam You know, in the lunch room at work. And guys do this all the time. What do you mean you're holding out until we're getting married? We're not getting married for another 18 months. Oh, God damn. Come on. How about BJs? What's going on? Hey, hand me that egg roll. What do you? Yeah. And they start talking. It's high noon and they're standing under a fluorescent lighting and it never goes right.

17:01 Caller Do you want a blowjob or do you want a girlfriend?

17:03 Drew Now, this is something that.

17:05 Adam But listen, guys, here's how women work. Women say a lot of things. So A, they can hear themselves saying it. And then B, so their friends can hear them saying it when they repeat it to them later on. I told him we're not having sex. They do all this. Your job is not to talk them out of it during that point because they don't want to do it. They just want to hear themselves say it. They want to make this proclamation. So your job is to go along with the proclamation. Make it your idea. I'm glad you brought that up. I was going to say something. Fantastic. I might toss oral sex onto that. Fine. Don't do anything. You got to be cool for a couple of days. Then you guys go out, you rent a movie, you're sitting around, hey, want a little more Crown Royal in that Coke? Fantastic. Next you know, pow.

17:52 Drew You make it like diet too.

17:54 Adam Diet Coke?

17:54 Drew No, just like it functions like a diet. Tomorrow we'll start.

17:59 Adam Right, right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, yeah, right, good point.

18:03 Drew You're right, you're slept, no big deal, it's no big deal. I'm with you, we'll start tomorrow.

18:07 Adam Quick, before midnight, because we're on a military clock. Mike. Yeah. You're 19?

18:13 Caller Yeah, man, I'm having problems with my girl. We've been together for two years now. And before then, I mean, I was living a good life and she was, but then she moved out. Her mom, she moved, she moved. Her mom came and picked up and flew her to Connecticut.

18:32 Drew You were doing what?

18:33 Adam They were living a good life.

18:35 Drew What does that mean? What does that mean?

18:36 Caller Like she was doing what she wanted to do with her dad, but then, you know, they got home and they got into arguments. And now she's living with her mom.

18:44 Adam In Connecticut?

18:44 Caller Yeah.

18:45 Adam And where are you living?

18:46 Caller With her in Connecticut.

18:48 Adam Where are you living?

18:50 Caller With her in Connecticut.

18:50 Adam Oh, you're both in Connecticut? Now you're living with mom?

18:54 Caller Yeah.

18:54 Adam And how old is she?

18:56 Caller Seventeen.

18:57 Drew How do you support each other?

18:58 Caller We got a kid.

18:59 Drew Oh.

19:00 Caller So that's why I'm here.

19:01 Adam Right, right. Is that, but do you love her?

19:04 Caller Yeah.

19:04 Adam You do?

19:05 Caller I do.

19:05 Drew What do you do for a living?

19:07 Caller I work at the grocery store.

19:08 Adam All right. Do you check her? What do you do? You're in the back?

19:11 Caller Nah, produce.

19:13 Adam Produce? Not a bad gig. You hose down the vegetables?

19:17 Caller I ice them.

19:18 Adam You ice them down? Hey, let me ask you something.

19:21 Drew Go, boy.

19:22 Adam Why are the, you know, the green bell peppers? They're like a nickel apiece, and then the orange ones are 18.50 apiece. How does that work? How does the same goddamn pepper cost another 15 bucks?

19:33 Drew With red dye.

19:34 Adam You know what I'm talking about? What is up with that? They're so much better though.

19:39 Drew No.

19:40 Adam They are. No, they are. They are.

19:42 Drew The red ones are so much better.

19:44 Adam The red ones and the yellow ones, or the orange ones are so much better than the green ones, but the grocers know it, man. The other ones are nickel and these are 14 bucks, I swear to God. Am I right, Mike? Yeah. Why is that? Do you know?

19:59 Caller I'm not sure, though, but I think I do stuff all the time.

20:04 Adam Good. I like someone who takes a little pride in their work.

20:11 Drew He's thinking about it.

20:12 Adam Yeah.

20:12 Drew That's good.

20:13 Adam Yeah. I could do 20 minutes on the fall of nectarines in my lifetime. Nectarines used to be a good fruit and somehow they turned into meal. They turned mealy or something. Oh, yeah. They cross generated or pollinated or there's too much genetics going on with them or something. They're going bad. They went bad. All right. But Mike.

20:32 Drew But the peach is still good.

20:33 Adam Peach is better. What other produce question do you have?

20:35 Drew Tangelo.

20:37 Adam Do you guys carry tangelo's?

20:39 Caller No, we're out of that. I don't know what a papaya is.

20:42 Adam Yeah.

20:43 Caller That's what the word today is.

20:43 Drew What kind of papaya? Hawaiian papaya?

20:45 Adam Papaya is solid.

20:46 Drew Mexican papaya?

20:48 Adam Let me ask you a controversial question. I think hard. Has anyone under 70 ever bought a beat, to your knowledge? It's not something like a 14-year-old buys with a skateboard and one arm, right? Beats? Going on a beat run? I'm the only guy I know who likes beats under 70. You like beats?

21:07 Drew No.

21:07 Adam That's what I'm saying.

21:09 How dare you?

21:10 Adam A 50-year-old man bought beats? He was buying it for his grandmother.

21:14 Caller He said he didn't want to get shot by his wife.

21:17 What?

21:17 Adam All right. Hey, Mike? All right. Listen, you sound like a decent guy. Here's what you got to do. Don't have any more kids for a while.

21:23 Drew He hasn't asked a question.

21:24 Adam I don't know what his question is.

21:24 Drew What's your question?

21:26 Adam I don't need it.

21:26 Drew What is your question, Mike?

21:27 Caller My girl wants me to change my lifestyle.

21:31 Drew You're working? What are you doing wrong?

21:34 Caller I'm into drugs. I drink alcohol now and then because I think I deserve it to myself.

21:38 Drew What?

21:39 Caller And she goes to church a lot. She says that I should be there.

21:42 Drew What drugs are you into?

21:44 Caller I smoke pot.

21:45 Drew Every day?

21:46 Caller Yup.

21:47 Oh, yeah.

21:48 Adam Hey, listen, Mike, here's the deal. It's all right to do some stuff sometimes, but you're smoking a little too much weed, okay, and you're a father, all right? And you got to start making responsible decisions. You understand? Yeah. Yeah. And you know she's asking you to stop smoking the weed because you do smoke a decent amount of it.

22:11 Drew Here's something more.

22:12 Adam You got to get back on that weed.

22:13 Drew Maybe some more motivation for you. Do you want to be in the grocery business the rest of your life? Yeah.

22:18 Adam No, not a farmer.

22:19 Drew And I'll tell you, the rest, I deal with marijuana users all the time, and the most significant impairment they tend to get is in work. And it always comes out as an inability to initiate change. They can't ever get that resume together. They can never go on. They just have inertia from the pot. And you're going to be sitting in the produce department at 70 eating beets.

22:41 Adam Hold on. Is that what it is? Mike? Mike, what color are you?

22:46 Caller What color am I?

22:47 Adam Are you black? Yep. Yeah, you'll be the only black green grocer in the United States at 75, and all your homies will be making fun of you.

22:54 Caller I'll get a trophy, though.

22:56 Adam You'll be the black Joe Carchoni. Yeah, you will. You will get the presidential only black green grocer in the United States award, which is given out once a year.

23:05 Drew Mike, you got a lot on the ball. Don't squander. It sounds like your girl is in good shape. You really got a lot going on. Don't mess it up now. You're 19. All right.

23:13 Adam We're going to take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll talk to Matthew with Dots on his penis after this. Hey, Loveline, Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. We're getting a little philosophical tonight, so I got a question for you there, Drew.

24:07 Drew Yeah.

24:08 Adam And any garbage man that may be listening to the show.

24:10 Drew Uh-oh, here we go.

24:12 Adam Well, let's see, what is it, 10.30? So we're about, just about eight hours away from the garbage guy pulling up in front of the house. But let me tell you this, because he comes about 6.24 to 6.27 on Fridays. Now, a couple of questions. Last week, they came on Saturday. The reason they came, the garbage man came on Saturday because it was Labor Day and they missed Monday.

24:41 Drew Yeah.

24:41 Adam And everyone goes along with that math.

24:43 Drew Right.

24:44 Adam So you go, okay, well, yeah, they didn't work on Monday, so they got to come on Saturday.

24:48 Drew Right.

24:48 Adam But now, how do they squeeze? Now they're coming Friday again. Don't they still have to squeeze something or they just work an extra Saturday? That's what happened.

24:57 Drew It seemed to me that it was a different crew that came by our place on Saturday.

25:01 Adam How would you know?

25:02 Drew Because I was out running. I made note of the same thing. I thought garbage man, wait, first I went running, I thought everybody's trashed out on Saturdays.

25:08 Adam Out running? What times your garbage man show up?

25:11 Drew Afternoon, late afternoon.

25:12 Adam Oh.

25:12 Drew Yeah, yeah. Somewhere around an hour or two before the mailman.

25:21 Adam Before the mailman. Yeah, yeah. There's no place on the planet where the mailman gets there before the garbage man. My guy comes at 6, 20, goddamn 7 in the morning.

25:30 Drew Well, no, I'm sorry. Take it back. That's the recycling guy. It's the recycling guy coming after you. But I saw the recycling bins and I thought, on Saturday, okay. And I looked up and guys I'm not used to seeing came by. I thought they had to hire an extra crew for that Saturday.

25:42 Adam It's the Saturday scam crew. Yeah. That's good work if you can get it. And I don't know how it works, but my garbage man, he ain't alive unless he throws that baby in reverse at least once. And let me tell all you young people what kind of utopia this world used to be before that before that beep sound used to kick in when people threw stuff in the reverse. It was the world's greatest. We had a great life. It was a goddamn utopia we lived in over here. And now it's me, me, me, me, me. And I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. I stand by this. If ten kids a year get run over by something, it's worth it to me to get rid of that beep thing. It really is. That's, that's Darwin, baby. You got a, you got an eight year old who can't move that big wheel fast enough when the garbage truck is backing up. That's just, that's Darwin taking out the garbage.

26:32 Drew Maybe you ought to abandon the plans for Boobville and just head right into Adamtopia.

26:37 Adam Let me tell you, when I'm in power.

26:38 Drew In Adamtopia.

26:39 Adam In Adamtopia, when you throw something in reverse, there's gonna be two beeps. And if you can't shake your fat, retarded ass by beep number two, you're dust. And I'm fine with that. Because I don't want to live in a world where one day you're driving the truck. You understand? All right. Matthew? Yes. I like the guys who throw it in reverse and then go do something. Get out and go get a cup of coffee or something. Way to get out of our office once. We're having a meeting. And go down the street and tell the truck guy, hey, if you ain't actually moving when you're in reverse, you just threw it in reverse and you've been parked here for about 10 minutes. Take the thing out of reverse.

27:16 Drew Oh, boy.

27:18 Adam OK, so Matthew?

27:20 Yeah.

27:20 Adam What's up?

27:22 On my penis, I have these little red dot looking thingies that if I scrub them too hard in the shower, not really hard, just scrub them, they'll start to bleed afterwards. Not gushing, just if I put a napkin to it, it shows the marks of it.

27:37 Drew Where are these things?

27:38 Well, my penis, soft, honestly, is about two and a half inches, and they're about an inch below that, and hard is like five and a half to six inches.

27:49 Adam Hold on a second.

27:51 It grows.

27:52 Drew Is it volume measurements?

27:56 Adam Hold on, let me get this straight. It's smaller when it's soft?

28:00 Yeah.

28:02 Adam Fascinating.

28:03 Five and a half. I haven't fully gone through puberty yet, so that might affect it.

28:08 Adam Yeah, don't count on a thing. You may squeeze another, I'd say, three thirty seconds out of that pot before you hit the grave.

28:16 Drew Now, where are these things?

28:18 They're like, let me look at it. Hold up.

28:21 Adam Yeah, hold up.

28:22 They're about...

28:23 Adam About halfway down.

28:25 They're about an inch, like, just right above the testicle, kind of like an inch above the testicle when it's sagging.

28:32 Drew Right. And they're all the way around?

28:34 Uh, no, they're just, like, on the left and right side.

28:39 Drew And when you scrub them, they scrape off?

28:41 Well, I don't like, like, scrub them just like... Yeah, I kind of like that. It scrapes off and then, like, it hurts like crap with the soap when it gets on it.

28:49 Adam Yeah. You used the word scrub, Matthew, and Drew just repeated it, you know what I'm saying?

28:55 Huh?

28:55 Adam Okay.

28:56 Oh, yeah, yeah, well, I don't, like, scrub it high, just kind of, like, go over it.

28:59 Adam Right. Why... Why don't you give it a break?

29:02 Okay.

29:03 Drew I don't know what that is, but it's...

29:05 Adam It sounds like it's, uh, I don't know.

29:08 Drew Is he sexually active?

29:09 Adam No. Does he sound like he's getting light?

29:12 Drew I'm a virgin. Okay.

29:13 Adam Yeah. All right, Matthew, you're fine. I don't think so. You're not humping anything weird around the house? No. Nothing?

29:18 No. Will he just, if I just quit doing that, will it go away?

29:21 Drew Doing the scrubbing?

29:22 Well, not scrubbing, just, like, washing it hard.

29:25 Drew Yeah, it should. It should settle down. It may just be the pearly papules that he's scraping off.

29:29 Caller Yeah.

29:30 Adam You do what I do. You soak your penis in woolite.

29:32 Caller Okay.

29:33 Drew Woolite?

29:33 Caller Yeah.

29:34 Drew That's a new solution for you.

29:35 Adam That's for your, uh, your, uh, delicates. You soak it. I soak my penis. I don't actually scrub it down.

29:42 Drew I see.

29:43 Adam I don't look at it, uh, like a van going through a car wash. I look at it as like a fine Angora sweater.

29:48 Drew Ah, woolite.

29:50 Adam Except for Les Harry. Nikki? You're, uh, 21. What's up?

29:56 Caller Hi. Um, I've been with my boyfriend for about two and a half years. And in the beginning of the relationships, we had a really good sex life. And recently, about like the last six months, it's gone to basically nothing. And I have no desire for sex whatsoever. And I feel really bad because, you know, he's putting up with it. He's being really good about it. And I just feel kind of guilty. And I just can't get myself to do anything.

30:27 Drew Are you on any medication?

30:28 Caller No, not at all.

30:29 Drew Birth control pills?

30:30 Caller Nope.

30:30 Drew Nothing.

30:32 Adam How's he doing? Is he treating you right?

30:33 Caller Oh, yeah.

30:34 Drew Are you into the relationship?

30:35 Caller Uh-huh.

30:36 Drew No.

30:36 Caller Yes.

30:37 Drew No.

30:37 Adam No.

30:39 Caller He's very sweet, very funny. Everything's fine.

30:42 Adam Sweet. Your gay uncle's sweet, too. Do you have a gay uncle?

30:46 Yeah, I do.

30:48 How weird is that?

30:50 Adam What's his name? Herman?

30:51 Caller Um, no.

30:52 No, it's not.

30:53 Adam No. Is there an H in there? Okay. I just had a feeling. Sweet Spirit.

30:59 Drew Thank you, Sweet Spirit.

31:01 Adam So anyway, Nikki? Yeah. You really think you're in love with this guy?

31:06 Caller Yeah, I know I am.

31:08 Drew We don't buy it.

31:08 Adam We don't. He's treating you right and you've dried up. What's up?

31:13 Caller It's not so much that I've dried up, if you will, but once we get started or whatever, if that actually happens, then I'm into it. But other than that, I just don't ever think about it. All right.

31:28 Adam You don't instigate it, but does he instigate it?

31:32 Caller Yeah.

31:32 Caller How often?

31:34 Caller Well, he's kind of given up recently because I turn him down a lot of the time.

31:40 Adam I know, but I thought you said once you get going.

31:42 Caller Yeah. Well, that's what I said, if we get going.

31:44 Drew If she lets him get going.

31:45 Caller Yeah.

31:46 Drew She shuts him down a lot.

31:47 Caller And I haven't even masturbated in probably eight months.

31:52 Drew Do you have any medical problems?

31:53 Caller No. Not that I know of.

31:54 Drew You've been depressed?

31:56 Caller No.

31:56 Drew Sleeping OK?

31:57 Caller Yeah.

31:58 Adam Pack any weight on?

32:00 Drew No. No over-the-counter anything?

32:03 Caller No. I'm completely drug-free.

32:05 Adam You want to marry this guy?

32:07 Caller Eventually. Not anytime soon, but yeah.

32:10 Adam How about tossing him a BJ every once in a while?

32:13 Caller You know, that's the thing. I try to think of these neat, fun things that I could do.

32:18 Adam Yeah.

32:18 Caller But then I would just rather watch TV or...

32:21 Adam Well, listen, he'd rather get a BJ.

32:24 Caller Well, obviously.

32:26 Adam Listen, do you have a job?

32:28 Caller Yeah.

32:29 Adam Why? You'd rather watch TV.

32:30 Caller Well, because I like to eat.

32:33 Adam OK. Do you exercise?

32:35 Caller No.

32:36 Adam Good. Thanks for making my point. All right. Here's my point. I'm saying you do a whole bunch of S in your life that you don't really want to do.

32:45 Caller Basically.

32:46 Adam OK? Give him a BJ for five minutes.

32:49 Caller OK.

32:50 Adam If you love him that much.

32:51 Caller Is there any, like, female Viagra or...?

32:54 Drew Yeah, there is, but you need a medical evaluation to see if there's something that's... Really? You're menstruating normally?

32:59 Yeah.

33:00 Drew Just to make sure there's not something medical triggering this... Oh, my God. Here we go.

33:06 Caller Oh, no.

33:08 No.

33:11 Adam Oh, man. Eh, no. That's not so good. That's not what it was.

33:16 Caller I feel like I just missed something.

33:18 Adam Yeah, you did. I let a big fart go.

33:19 Caller Oh, that's nice.

33:20 Adam Yeah. It's real turn-on.

33:22 Drew Maybe this will do it for her. Yeah.

33:23 Adam Yeah.

33:24 Drew Hey, hang on a second. Look, Nikki, in our experience, if it's not a medical problem, you're not depressed, you're not a medication, then it's about the relationship for a woman.

33:33 Adam Yeah. Well, let's put it this way. Okay. Hypothetical. You're in love with somebody. You want to marry this person. This person treats you like a queen. But for some unknown reason, your sex drive is shut off. But you really love this guy. He's a great guy. And you know he misses the intimacy desperately and he'd like some contact. Give him a BJ, wouldn't you?

33:59 Drew Yeah, women have a, women, I don't know.

34:01 Adam I know.

34:01 Drew That's not the way they were.

34:02 Adam Listen to me, you screwballs. You give the guy a BJ. If he's a great guy and you love him and you got a problem, give him a BJ. Do you know what percentage men, what percentage of stuff do you actually want to do with your wife and what percentage of stuff do you end up doing? You know what I'm saying?

34:20 Drew No.

34:21 Adam Here's what I'm saying. All men do is stuff they don't want to do with their wives.

34:25 Drew You mean like?

34:26 Adam Everything.

34:26 Drew Oh.

34:27 Adam All of it. Every time you guys leave the house together, he don't want to go.

34:31 Drew I see what you mean.

34:31 Adam Every place you go.

34:32 Drew With any relationship, both sexes do that.

34:34 Adam No, no, no, no. Women don't. Women want you to go. Here's the difference between men and women. Guy goes out, guy wants to go alone. Girl goes out, wants the guy to go with him.

34:46 Drew What do you mean go out?

34:47 Adam Wherever. Whether it's shopping, whether it's to the car wash, even to the movies.

34:52 Drew Okay.

34:53 Adam Sometimes even to dinner. That's it. That's all you need to know. Everything we do, we don't want to do. Okay. But what we do want is a little BJ every once in a while. Now, it's time for you to do something you don't want to do. We pretend like we want to do it, so you think we want to do it because we don't want to get into trouble. I've had many, many an argument with many a girlfriend, which is basically me saying, listen, I know one of your sorority sisters is getting married in Laguna Niguel. I really don't want to go, but I'll tell you, I'll go. I just don't want to go. I'd much rather stay home, but I will go if you want me to go. That's not a good angle. You have to pretend like you want to go. Even if they know you don't want to go, it don't matter, you're going.

35:39 Drew Here we go.

35:39 Adam Drew, your wife knows you don't want to go anywhere, right?

35:41 Drew Sure.

35:41 Adam You go, and she gave a rat's ass whether you really want to go or not, right?

35:46 Drew Yeah.

35:46 Adam Yeah. How does that work?

35:49 Drew But I mean, again, I think that goes both ways. No, no.

35:51 Adam Have you ever, no, how dare you? When is, have you ever asked a wife, girlfriend or relationship to go somewhere with you that you clearly knew she didn't want to go to?

36:02 Drew Oh, I'm sure I have.

36:03 Adam You have?

36:03 Drew I'm sure I have.

36:04 Adam Big pussy. Really?

36:06 Drew I'm sure I have.

36:07 Adam Why?

36:07 Drew Why did you want to go with me?

36:09 Adam Why would you want them to go if they didn't want to go?

36:11 Drew For instance, my schedule is so screwed up that it's a way to spend time with someone.

36:16 Adam They don't want to be there.

36:17 Drew Yeah, they don't really want to go to that thing, but come on. I haven't seen you in a week.

36:21 Adam David?

36:22 Hello?

36:22 Adam You're 15.

36:24 Caller Yeah, I got a couple of questions, actually. My parents, they smoke pot, and me and my sister, we both know about it, and we confronted them before and they said how they don't think it's wrong and everything.

36:42 Drew How often are they doing it?

36:44 Caller Pretty often.

36:45 Drew Yeah. Well, it's not wrong, but it's going to hurt them.

36:49 Adam What do they do? Do they function okay?

36:52 Caller Oh, yeah. My mom goes to work every day and everything, and before, because my dad has brain cancer.

36:59 Drew What do you mean, a primary brain tumor? The tumor started in the brain?

37:07 Caller Yeah. It hasn't spread to anywhere else.

37:09 Drew How long has he had it for?

37:12 Caller I want to say like close to five or six years. Wow.

37:17 Drew Okay.

37:17 Caller And right now, it started off benign and then went malignant.

37:21 Adam Now, wait a minute. Is that having a brain tumor? And is that the same as having brain cancer? To me, brain cancer is a death sentence.

37:30 Drew Well, because the head is a closed space, anything growing in there that you can control is cancerous.

37:34 Caller Yeah.

37:35 Drew Basically.

37:35 Adam Right. But most of the time when you hear about someone having brain cancer, they're dead in six months, right?

37:40 Drew Not certain types.

37:41 Caller Not really. He at first was benign, then he had more surgery. Grew back, he had another surgery. Then grew back, he had radiation. Grew back, he had chemotherapy. He stopped at halfway through because it was making him sick and everything. And then he, now that's where it stands right now, they can't operate on him.

38:00 Drew You see it because they can't operate. They're just considering it momentarily. Because it keeps coming back.

38:04 Adam Okay, listen, David. Yeah. Here's the deal. And this goes out to everyone with brain cancer. Feel free to smoke weed. I'm not going to tell people with brain cancer what to do.

38:16 Caller No, no, no. It's the thing. I don't think it's, because they've talked to us before. They told us, like, they'd rather have us come, they told me and my sister, they'd rather have us come home stoned than drunk.

38:26 Drew Yeah, but again, if you're really concerned about this, leave them alone.

38:30 Adam I'd rather my kid be bi than gay.

38:32 Drew Go to Alateen. Okay, David, seriously, go to Alateen. What they're doing is not wrong, but it's not healthy, and it's going to affect their relationship with you, it's going to affect you in ways that they don't understand, but if you go to Alateen, it'll give you a chance to...

38:43 Adam Now, the good news is, is he won't smoke weed. I don't think so.

38:47 Drew Yeah, he'll do cocaine instead. You see what I'm saying?

38:49 Adam All right. Oh, I see. Yeah, that's bad.

38:51 Drew If he has the chain.

38:52 Adam All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break. I'm going to get the truth out of Drew during the break.

38:56 Drew About what?

38:57 Adam That's where he's ever wanted to go with his wife. And we'll be back after this.

39:04 We'll be right back. Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191.

39:41 Drew Okay, you forgot, huh?

39:43 Adam No, I just said to Drew, hey, where's Ann been all week? And he went, who? It was a great piece of real comedy. Unintentional, because it came from Dr. Drew. I was asking where producer Ann has been all week. I don't know. We don't communicate that much. She'll tell me that she told me that she wasn't going to be in all week, although she never told me that. But it doesn't matter, the show runs itself. I'm thinking of not showing up. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew over there, Adam Corolla over here. Let's hop back on the phones and speak to Stacey, who's 21. Stacey?

40:17 Hey.

40:17 Adam What's up?

40:19 I was calling because sex has been painful for me with my boyfriend.

40:23 Drew Always?

40:24 Well, we've only had sex twice, and it's been about probably two years before that since, and that was a bad experience.

40:32 Drew That was with somebody else?

40:33 Yeah.

40:34 Drew And it was a rape?

40:35 Yeah, I guess. Yeah.

40:37 Drew And had you been raped ever before that?

40:39 No.

40:40 Drew Any unpleasant sexual experiences prior to that?

40:44 Not, no.

40:45 Adam What happened with the rape?

40:47 It was a camping trip with lots of alcohol involved.

40:53 Adam Yeah. Remember how I said that camping should be changed to raping?

40:58 Drew Humping. Was that what you were going to call it?

40:59 Adam No, I think it was raping. Thanks, Drew. Yeah, raping. We'll have a raping stove. That'll be a little stove that runs off of propane. The raping grounds, the name of it. Rape counselor. Wait a minute, camp counselor. Yeah, that's still work. Yeah.

41:18 So I didn't know if it was like the related to that.

41:20 Adam Cabins would be known as rape booths, rape sheds. Well, you went camping with a bunch of guys?

41:28 Guys and girls, but this particular guy had like, he had his own tent. They were all friends, and I was kind of like as friends with the other females that were there.

41:37 Adam But not with the guys?

41:39 Yeah.

41:39 Adam And so what happened?

41:41 Well, I was very intoxicated, and he was warned both by his friends and my friends that I didn't want to do anything, obviously, and that he shouldn't. And then I had, before I had gotten overly drunk, I told him that under normal circumstances, I wouldn't do anything like that. And so I just wanted that to be clear, because he had been hitting on me on night.

42:02 Adam Right. He didn't have any interest in him.

42:04 Right. Exactly. So I said, I told him, you know, I just want to be clear that I don't want anything to happen. And what ended up is that he said, well, let me just take you back. And by the time I was too drunk to think clearly.

42:17 Drew Have you had, do you drink excessively regularly?

42:20 Not terribly.

42:22 Adam So did you ever bring any charges against him?

42:24 No.

42:25 Adam Must have been a nice, comfortable experience making the huevos rancheros over the fire with the big iron skillet about 8.45 the next morning with the sun shining.

42:35 It's not the most comfortable thing, no.

42:37 Adam Yeah. All right. Anyway. Well, that's what you get for going on a raping trip.

42:41 Yeah.

42:42 Adam I learned that.

42:42 Drew Well, now you're having pain with intercourse with deep, with the, at the time you initiate the penetration or with...

42:47 Adam Did your parents ever take you raping when you were a kid, Drew?

42:49 Drew Not raping, no.

42:50 Caller Hmm.

42:52 Adam What's that, Stacey?

42:53 Well, it's when, like, when it goes deep. Like, it's... I feel really bad for him because it's, like, once it gets more, I guess, faster or whatever, I, I don't tell him, but he can tell that it's painful.

43:04 Adam Yeah. What if you get on top and set the tempo?

43:07 Um, that's good. It's just, we've been frustrated both times because it hasn't really produced anything. I mean, we can't do a whole lot because once it gets a little more excited, I guess, it just gets way uncomfortable, and I have to stop.

43:24 Drew And have you seen a doctor since you had that rape?

43:27 No.

43:27 Drew Have you ever had a pelvic exam?

43:29 Um, once.

43:30 Drew How long ago?

43:31 I was 18.

43:31 Drew All right. So it's time to do that again, right?

43:34 Yeah.

43:34 Drew There's no telling what the pain could be due to. You could have infection in there from that rape. You could have, I mean, endometriosis, infections in the tube, ovarian cysts, there's lots of things that can cause pain with depenetration, but it needs to be checked out.

43:47 Adam Never going to let my kids go camping.

43:49 Drew Oh yeah. I've decided that.

43:50 Adam No way. I've said this many times, I stand by it. If I took my grandmother camping, I would nail her.

43:58 Drew You didn't do it, did you?

43:59 Adam No, that's why I'm not going camping with her. You have sex with who you take camping. That's it. That's the unwritten law. Done and done.

44:09 Drew I wonder if that's...

44:09 Adam And guys know it.

44:10 Drew I was going to say...

44:11 Adam Guys are constantly trying to get girls to go camping with them.

44:14 Drew It must be something to do with the change in the female, because men will just, wherever they have the opportunity, you know what I mean? Why should it...

44:22 Adam Yeah, you spread a sheet out on your carpet of your apartment, the guy's going to try the same thing.

44:27 Drew Right.

44:28 Adam Put a mop handle in it, make a tent out of your sheet, the guy's still going to try it.

44:31 Drew Something must happen differently to women.

44:33 Adam What happens to women is, A, they get loaded. Here's what goes on when you go camping, or as I like to call it, raping. And I wish the rest of the country would pick up on this and call it raping. You know, like a sporting goods store could be your raping headquarters.

44:49 Drew KOA rape grounds.

44:51 Adam Rape, right. You could go to a Jewish rape or Catholic rape. The word camp and rape, it just have to be swapped. It really, it really be a lot better. It gets dark at 7 at night. Now, what time do you normally go to bed, you know, when you're 18 during the summer?

45:10 Drew Yeah.

45:11 Adam You know what I mean? It's dark at 7. You got no goddamn TV set. So what are you doing? You start drinking and you start drinking. And there's a feeling of you're not around. You're out somewhere. And there's a little bit of a sort of dawn of man commune with nature kind of thing. Yeah. You get a little visceral. You're wiping your ass. You're wiping your ass with a leaf. You know what I'm saying? You're taking a leak in a stream. You're eating something you caught that day. There's a little bit of a sort of chromagnum man kind of feel. And the women get into that too. And so there's a little of that drag you by the hair back to the cave sort of feel. And then you got, you know, but meanwhile you pounded a case of lucky lager. And that's it. You're horny out there. Harry?

46:00 Oh, yeah?

46:02 Adam What woman has ever gone camping with a guy and not had sex? Never happened?

46:07 Caller Not, not, no. I never.

46:09 Oh, wait, wait, listen, wait.

46:14 Adam That was not a fart.

46:18 Caller That was.

46:19 Adam That was a fart. Harry, that wasn't a fart.

46:24 So?

46:24 Adam That was you going pfft.

46:25 Caller Or something.

46:26 Adam All right, hold on. We got to go to break.

46:28 Drew Imposter. How dare he? Now he's gone.

46:31 Adam Let me tell you something. When guys fake their farts, they ruin it for all the honest, these hardworking guys who fart in the phones. Guys like myself. You know what I'm saying? It was funny when Kennedy was talking about how he farted in her phone machine when I called her. I don't even remember doing that.

46:50 Drew There's Adam.

46:54 Adam Drew, you can't even make a fart sound. Go ahead. Come on, give me a good one. Oh, he's rolling his sleeves out.

47:02 Drew No, you're right.

47:03 Caller No.

47:07 Adam All right, we'll be back.

47:09 Love Line, Love Line, 1-800-LOVE-191, we'll be right back.

47:54 Adam Hey, Shandala, Shandala, Shandala! I'm Adam Carolla. There's a Dr. Drew over there.

48:01 It's Loveline.

48:03 Adam Fodder, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. You know, you used to say, Shandala, Shandala, Shandala.

48:08 Drew No. Who?

48:10 Adam Frank, the born again Christian I work with at Always Better Closets out there in Burbank.

48:14 Drew You see the guy who used to speak in tongues?

48:16 Adam Yes.

48:16 Drew Yeah.

48:16 Adam That was him speaking in tongues. Yeah, it was great.

48:22 Drew Is that him?

48:23 Adam It was me and Frank and Pogie and Big John.

48:28 Drew Everlast.

48:28 Adam And Philip. No, Everlast was the guy who cleaned carpets with who murdered a guy in a gay bar and is probably just getting paroled about now.

48:36 Drew Oh, nice.

48:38 Adam Yeah, it was a great phone message. I went over to my boss' carpet cleaning boss headquarters and listened to Everlast calling from prison, not Everlast the rapper. Everlast, the black guy he used to clean carpets with, who drove about 95 out to Edwards Air Force Base one day with me in the passenger seat. And I realized, smoking a joint, I realized he didn't have a license. He was from New York and then about a week later, walked into some bar in Ventura Boulevard and shot some guy. And basically, it was a phone message on my boss' machine. And it said, it said, Hey, it's Everlast, I'm in prison and I need like a hundred grand bail. Could you front it for me? And I thought to myself, this cheap son of a bitch, Art, Art Fuss, our boss, I'll use your whole name, Art, you can kiss my hairy ass. This son of a bitch didn't even pay driving time.

49:28 Drew Where is that guy now, I wonder?

49:29 Adam I hope he's rotting in hell.

49:31 Drew Seriously, don't you wonder what happened?

49:32 Adam Now, he's still doing, oh, Everlast or Art?

49:34 Drew Art.

49:35 Adam He's still running a carpet cleaning business. He ripped us all off. Thank God, Ray and Chris took him out the night we quit, got him loaded and beat the crap out of him with his shoe.

49:44 Drew What?

49:45 Adam It was great. Then threw his keys up on the roof of some apartment building.

49:49 Drew Wait, you've never told this story. What happened?

49:51 Adam They took our boss, a carpet cleaning. He was a nice enough guy, but he was cheap and he ripped us all off. We're all idiots and we all got into carpet cleaning out of high school. He wouldn't pay us driving time, for instance. We'd show up at this guy's apartment at nine at night and load the van up and then drive over the hill in the van or drive out to Pasadena or drive somewhere like an hour away. Then we get to the job at 10.30 and then we'd be on the clock. You'd leave your house at 8.30 and you're on the clock at 10.30. Then you'd finish up the job at two in the morning and then you're off the clock again while you drove back to his house and unloaded the van. You're out for six, seven hours. You get paid for three and a half hours. You're getting six, fifteen hours and you're coming home at 5.30 in the morning and he's taking taxes out and you parked the van in the wrong spot on the street and you got a parking ticket so that night you broke even. Son of a bitch. Kiss my ass. I'm a millionaire now. Take that Polycon and ram it up your ass, Art.

50:52 Drew What happened with Chris and Ray?

50:54 Adam Soil bust. What?

50:56 Drew Chris and Ray?

50:57 Adam They took him out drinking the night after they quit and they got him really loaded and beat him with his loafer.

51:02 Drew I mean.

51:04 Adam Light beating. And then they took his car keys and threw it up on the balcony of like the.

51:10 Drew Did they set out to do this or this just happened?

51:12 Adam I think they're playing it by ear. Good. Nate?

51:19 Hello.

51:20 Adam You're 19.

51:21 Caller What's going on?

51:22 Adam Nothing.

51:24 Caller I think my girlfriend might be sleeping with my ex-best friend. I've been with her for about two and a half years. Straight out of high school, you know, kind of whatever. Got with her in high school. We had a kid together. So I proposed to her after that, asked her to marry me. Trying to do the right thing. Things were going really good. I had a friend, I've been friends with him since 6th grade.

51:52 Adam Was it a rocket sled that just went through your living room?

51:55 Caller I'm actually out on my porch, on my cell phone.

51:57 Adam I see.

51:58 Drew There's a guy on the bayou somewhere, listening to those crickets.

52:01 Caller Yeah, there's a lot of them out. But anyway, so I had a friend from like 6th grade. He just got out of jail, gave me a call, you know, brought him back into our life, you know, kind of made him feel better about himself, you know, had him come over to our house for dinner, took him out with us, whatever.

52:18 Drew Are you married to this woman?

52:19 Caller No, I was engaged to her. We had a kid together and all that. We were going to get married, but just hadn't happened yet. So the guy kind of just kept hanging around more and more and more before I knew where they were.

52:33 Drew Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

52:35 Adam Now, here's the deal. You ask someone to marry you, right? And then you're engaged to them, right?

52:42 Caller Right.

52:42 Drew And then you get married.

52:43 Adam And then either you get married or the engagement gets broken off or the marriage gets postponed. But you're wording this in a strange way. Did you guys break up?

52:53 Caller Well, we're broken up now.

52:55 Drew No, no, no, no, no. You never got around to getting married?

52:59 Caller Well, what happened is we had the kid, we had our son, and we were going to get married like a month or two after he was born. But there was some like, he had some problems with birth, he had to get a surgery on his stomach when he was like two months old. Cost us a lot of money, so we really didn't have the money to get married. That's why that never really happened. And we never really wanted to go to Vegas or anything like that to do a, you know, just an overnight wedding type thing. We wanted to go all out and have a nice wedding, but.

53:26 Adam Right, all right. So anyway, now you're not married, you're broken up. You guys aren't living together.

53:33 Caller Right.

53:34 Adam Your son is living with her, and this guy who got out of jail?

53:38 Caller Right.

53:38 Adam You think is having sex with her?

53:40 Caller Yeah.

53:41 Adam But you guys are broken up, so what do you care?

53:43 Caller Well, at the time, when this first started going on, I started noticing things were happening when we were together. We'd be drinking at my apartment or our apartment or whatever, and he just always wanted to spend the night, and she was always willing for him to spend the night and everything.

53:58 Drew Why did you break up?

54:00 Caller What's that?

54:00 Drew Why did you break up?

54:02 Caller Because I asked her to stop seeing him, basically, because we'd always fight when he was around. They always wanted to be together all the time, and I felt like I was looking in on the whole thing. So I asked her, this is a problem for me. Let's not see him for a while and try to work on our own thing, and she couldn't accept that.

54:21 Drew Wow.

54:22 Adam All right. Okay. Well, maybe she's in love with the guy.

54:25 Drew Or whatever with him.

54:26 Caller Well, there's some more evidence.

54:28 Adam Well, listen, hold on, Nate, Nate, Nate.

54:31 Drew You broke up.

54:31 Adam I know. You found a tumbler of warm semen on the nightstand. Listen, Nate, here's the deal. We don't need any more evidence.

54:39 Drew Yeah.

54:40 Adam We believe you.

54:41 Drew And you did the right thing. You broke up.

54:42 Adam You broke up. It's nice that you got this felon. It's going to be stepdaddy to your kid now. That's fantastic. What was he in jail for?

54:54 Drew Meth.

54:54 Adam Meth?

54:54 Caller Meth. And he's actually looking at one to five years now because of some previous charges he goes to court.

55:00 Adam Fantastic.

55:01 Drew Is she an addict? Is she doing drugs?

55:03 Caller She's not. She's never done anything like that as far as I'm concerned. I mean, we used to smoke pot every once in a while. We'd drink, but nothing that heavy.

55:11 Drew Were you a heavy user yourself?

55:13 Caller Of pot?

55:14 Drew Anything.

55:15 Caller No. Well, pot, I smoked a lot of it back when I first met her, but I've never done that or anything like that.

55:19 Caller All right.

55:19 Adam So, Nate, here's the deal. You're broken up. She can do what she wants. Sad but true. You're going to have to move on with your life, and your only connection is your child now, who you have to take great care of so he doesn't turn to a meth addict.

55:33 Caller Okay. I'm having a really hard time with getting on with it.

55:36 Adam I know.

55:37 Caller You put it in my face and all that.

55:38 Adam I know. Listen, you're 19. This is what happens. This is what happens, everyone, when you have a kid.

55:45 Drew Yeah, you don't have children.

55:46 Adam You can't get on with it. I know it's a bitch. You know what? You're like one good date away from being glad you got away from this crazy bitch. I'm telling you, Nate, you can't get drunk and be stupid now. You're a dad. Oh, I know. You can't go over there. You can't vandalize her car. You can't do all those important things that guys do when you break up. She's got it. I'm telling you, you'll be better off without her. You just got to stand strong. That's all.

56:14 Drew There's a whole ton of literature coming in these days about the long term impact of broken families. I mean, just there are so many profound effects on children and yeah.

56:25 Adam Oh, the meth guy will get paroled again and he'll come in and they'll have a wonderful family.

56:30 Drew Yeah, we got to do something about these kids.

56:34 Adam Hey, listen, guys, not that many of you give a rat's ass about your own kids, but those of you who do, will marry some crazy bitch or don't get married and then knock her up, and then she ends up dumping you or cheating on you, and now you're moving out of the house and you know she's crazy and her daddy was an alcoholic. Think about the folks she's bringing home to be stepdaddy to your kids.

56:57 Drew Just around your kids.

56:58 Adam Just around. She's 18, 19. She's hanging out with a meth paroli dude.

57:04 Drew Yeah, that's cool. It's a big deal, Adam.

57:06 Adam That's great.

57:07 Drew Come on, pops. You're not cool.

57:11 Adam I remember my mom brought around Zorback, the hippie.

57:14 Yeah.

57:14 Adam Tried to poison me in the back of his bus.

57:16 Yeah.

57:17 Drew Does your mom ever bring that up? You ever talk to her about that?

57:20 Adam What?

57:21 Drew To ask forgiveness?

57:23 Adam What? He didn't do anything. He just tried to give me carbon monoxide poisoning.

57:27 Caller That's all.

57:28 Adam I fell asleep in the back of Zorback's bus. My mom swung with some hippies back in the day after my dad and her got divorced. Zorback was one of the buddies. Then there was a Happy and Axel. No, wait a minute, Axis and Sunshine.

57:46 Drew Oh my God.

57:47 Adam And Pat. And they'd all sit around and just smoke weed, you know? And one time we're going to go camping or raping, sorry, with my mom, my sister, and Zorback. And there was a very popular thing to do in the early 70s, which was take a school bus, transportation that was made for other purposes and convert it into a sort of daily commuter.

58:12 Drew Yeah.

58:12 Adam Like, you know, one guy's driving a mail truck. One guy's driving a school bus. My mom drove a half track.

58:18 Drew Just witnessed the-

58:19 Adam My dad drove a troop transport.

58:21 Drew The Partridge family cruised around in a school bus.

58:23 Adam Right.

58:24 Drew That wasn't uncommon.

58:25 Adam Happy drove an amphibious landing device. You know, the one they-

58:31 Drew Troop transport.

58:32 Adam Yeah. Saving Private Ryan. You know, when they hit the beach at Normandy, he drove one of those.

58:35 Caller Yeah. Nice.

58:37 Adam The point is, I fell asleep in the back of Zorbach's bus all the way out to God knows what Mount Pino's or something and the back window was open on his bus. And if you open the back window, try driving around with the hatchback open in your car, all the exhaust, it creates a vacuum, all the exhaust pours into the car. So I just fell asleep and basically got gassed. Thank God they stopped for munchies. They're probably both baked out of their mind.

59:00 Drew And then you passed out in the middle of a grocery store and they just, what, they had to just kick your ass? They had to get your crap together. What's the matter with you?

59:06 Adam I couldn't get it together because I'd had the carbon monoxide poisoning and they stopped at some gas station or something. I somehow woke up and wandered out of the bus and was wandering through a supermarket and I couldn't get my feet under me.

59:18 Caller You fainted.

59:19 Adam I went into the bathroom and fell asleep on the floor. And some guy got me up and told me to keep moving. And you know what was funny? It's like one of these stories where only weird stuff happens when you're stoned. Like every time I get stoned, something weird happens to me that I realized wouldn't have happened if I wasn't stoned. I'm gassed out of my mind on carbon monoxide. I'm like 12, 13 years old. I'm staggering around the supermarket. I'm totally disoriented. Things are like shadowy and echoey. And some woman comes up to me and hands me like a packet of jerky and asks me if I can open it for her. I'm trying to think how many times you've been in a supermarket and how many times has someone came to you, handed you something and said, can you open it? And she handed me this like packet of jerky, some sulfate thing. And I was wrestling with this thing like I was wrestling an alligator. I was like biting on it, chewing. I kept dropping it. She kept like handing it to me. I was like drooling and dropping it and trying to rip it open again. And I just thought, did she have to ask me to open that when I was gassed up on the on the carbon monoxide? Yeah, I'm convinced I got brain damage from that. That's why I didn't go to college.

1:00:22 Drew Could be.

1:00:24 Adam Eva?

1:00:25 Caller Yeah?

1:00:25 Adam Think of what kind of super genius I would be without that gassing.

1:00:29 Drew Adam Corolla. Super genius.

1:00:31 Caller Yeah, whatever.

1:00:32 Adam Has a ring to it, doesn't it? Think about this. Pot, boxing, football, constant brain trauma, and I'm still a genius. I would have been a super genius.

1:00:42 Caller Nobody's listening.

1:00:43 Adam Eva?

1:00:44 Caller Yeah.

1:00:44 Adam What's up?

1:00:46 Caller I've been going out with my boyfriend for like four years, and we've been sexually active for like three.

1:00:51 Drew How old is he?

1:00:52 Caller He's 21.

1:00:54 Adam How old is he?

1:00:55 Caller He's 21.

1:00:56 Adam You sure?

1:00:57 Caller Yeah.

1:00:58 Adam All right.

1:00:58 Drew So you were 14, he was 17?

1:01:01 Caller Yeah.

1:01:01 Adam Nice.

1:01:02 Drew Nice.

1:01:03 Caller No, no, no, no.

1:01:05 Caller Yeah. No, we started having sex when I was 15, and he was 18.

1:01:11 Drew How would you think about one of your 18-year-old peers having sex with a 15-year-old now?

1:01:16 Caller That's bad. Now I think about it, and I think it's bad, but I've been with him for a while.

1:01:20 Drew Yeah, but that's the guy. That's your boyfriend.

1:01:22 Caller I know.

1:01:23 Drew That's who he is. He's that guy.

1:01:24 Adam All right, but maybe this idiot couldn't get laid.

1:01:27 Caller Maybe he's not a bad guy.

1:01:28 Caller No, he isn't like that, but...

1:01:29 Adam He's a good guy.

1:01:30 Caller Yeah, I live with him a lot.

1:01:32 Drew How many 18-year-olds with 15-year-olds are good guys? Do you know any?

1:01:35 Adam Oh, they're out there.

1:01:37 Caller There's some nice ones.

1:01:38 Drew The 15-year-olds?

1:01:41 Caller I don't know about that. Now I think about it, because I have a sister who's around that age, and it's like, oh, hell no, she's not going to be with any guy.

1:01:47 Adam Well, every girl thinks about that. But listen, this isn't five or eight years, Drew. This is fine.

1:01:53 Drew But even the three-year difference is extraordinary.

1:01:56 Adam All right. Let's get on with the question.

1:01:58 Caller Yeah. Well, anyways, just like last, we've been having protective sex for the whole time. But just like last year, we didn't have anything and he come in me.

1:02:11 Adam Hold on. It's it's it's done. Come. It's not he come in me. It's he done come in me.

1:02:19 Caller He ejaculated in me.

1:02:20 Adam No, I'm sorry. It's he done come in me.

1:02:23 Caller He done come to me.

1:02:25 Adam Right.

1:02:25 Caller I've never heard of that before.

1:02:26 Adam Well, you weren't an English major like me.

1:02:28 Drew Grandma.

1:02:29 Caller Well, I am right now in college.

1:02:31 Adam Oh, really?

1:02:32 Drew English major.

1:02:32 Caller Yeah.

1:02:33 Drew Mental note. Name of college.

1:02:36 Caller Um, San Diego State.

1:02:38 Drew Kill self if kids end up in San Diego State.

1:02:40 Adam Hey, how many how many speeches have I given on this show about San Diego State? That is a four year junior college over there. Listen, you go to Tijuana. You go you go 50 miles to the south to Tijuana. The SAT scores are higher. You know what their mascot is over there? There's a giant bong. His name is Barney the bong. He runs up and down the sidelines. It's a big it's one of those. Here's how they made it. They take one of those big and they're called sonnet tubes or those big round cardboard forming tubes. They used to pour cement into make piers. They painted it black. They paint a water line on it.

1:03:19 Drew What do you mean?

1:03:19 Adam What is black? They put little purple streaks on it. Guy wears black tights and runs around it.

1:03:25 Drew Has big purple cape.

1:03:26 Adam Yeah. I hear he sees through the carburetor. Listen, I'm sorry for anyone who goes to San Diego State, but that is not a college. It is not a college. It's a place you go to forget. You know what I mean? It's really like the Foreign Legion for stone teenagers. There's nothing going on in any kind of academic way. You just go to TJ on weekends, get loaded, pick up hookers, and then stumble back to campus. There's nothing going on over there. English major. Yeah, he done come to me. Okay. Eva?

1:04:05 Caller Yeah. Anyway, he jack-o-lanterned me.

1:04:08 Drew Was it Elizabethan, the Jacobean Theater that you specialized in?

1:04:11 Adam How did you? Seriously, what did you get on the SATs?

1:04:15 Caller I don't even ask for that.

1:04:17 Adam Seriously, like a 760? No.

1:04:21 Caller Honestly, I got an 820.

1:04:23 That was-

1:04:25 Drew 820 total.

1:04:26 Adam 820.

1:04:29 Drew Just for kids, what kind of English are you studying?

1:04:32 Caller Well, my major is English, but I want to change to journalism.

1:04:35 Adam I see. At what point do they start holding your SAT score against you? Do you know what I mean?

1:04:41 Caller Well, that was a bad SAT score. They didn't accept me for my SAT scores. They accepted me for my classes that I took and my GPA and everything.

1:04:49 Adam Wow.

1:04:50 Caller But my SAT scores were like nothing to them.

1:04:54 Adam Hold on. Does San Diego State have a prep school that they work with? That's an ensignate? Yeah.

1:05:01 Caller All I needed was my GPA to get there.

1:05:03 Drew Again, what's the English you're studying? What kind of English were you interested in?

1:05:06 Caller Well, I want to be a journalist.

1:05:07 Drew Well, what field of English were you studying this year?

1:05:09 Caller Right now?

1:05:10 Drew Yeah.

1:05:11 Caller I'm actually in remedial English.

1:05:15 Drew Okay. I feel better about that.

1:05:17 You're so mean to me.

1:05:18 Adam I know, but you're majoring in English, aren't you?

1:05:21 Caller Yeah, but, I mean.

1:05:23 Adam Can you be in a remedial form of the class you major in?

1:05:27 Caller I know, but I'm trying to work up to get a better-

1:05:30 Drew Most schools don't have remedial.

1:05:32 Adam Oh, they don't? Is it remedial because it's English at San Diego State, or do they actually call it remedial? Or is it just remedial because it takes place on that campus?

1:05:44 Caller It's remedial because they make us take a test first before we get there, and if we get a certain score and we don't get it, that means that we're not college level, so they prepare us for college level.

1:05:57 Adam Okay.

1:05:57 Drew This is the class that's conducted.

1:05:59 Adam Yeah. Are you full-blooded American Indian or what are you? What's your nationality? You're on some kind of national?

1:06:06 Caller I'm Hispanic.

1:06:07 Adam Oh, okay. All right. So you got in on some kind of that kind of thing?

1:06:11 Caller No.

1:06:12 Adam No.

1:06:12 Caller I had a good GPA. I took classes. All right.

1:06:15 Adam All right. All right. You'll go for it. Now listen, so your boyfriend is coming in you.

1:06:21 Caller Yeah. No, no, no. He jacked me and we were scared, but he smokes a lot of pot.

1:06:26 Adam Right.

1:06:27 Caller He smokes a lot, a lot like every day.

1:06:29 Adam Right. Right.

1:06:30 Caller And well, he did that one time and he's the dean of students over there. No, he doesn't come to school here in San Diego.

1:06:38 Adam Amazing. And what's he do?

1:06:41 Caller Well, he goes to school, but he goes to school down in Santa Monica.

1:06:44 Adam At the junior college?

1:06:46 Caller Yeah.

1:06:46 Adam And they make fun of San Diego State at the junior college. You know that?

1:06:49 Drew She's a Geography major too. Down in Santa Monica.

1:06:55 Caller All right, man.

1:06:56 Adam Listen, Drew, stop making fun of Eva. Listen to your little tamale.

1:07:00 Caller Okay. Okay. Let me tell you.

1:07:02 Adam Yeah.

1:07:02 Caller So we were scared, but I never got pregnant. Well, we've done it more times and I haven't gotten pregnant either.

1:07:09 Drew Were you just trying to get pregnant or what's the deal?

1:07:11 Caller No, I haven't. I don't want to get pregnant.

1:07:14 Drew Well, why would you put yourself in the position where you would get pregnant?

1:07:17 Caller Because I'm stupid.

1:07:19 Adam Okay.

1:07:19 Drew We've established that.

1:07:20 Adam All right. Now, it's no fun when you play along.

1:07:23 Caller But I'm honest. I'm honest.

1:07:25 Adam That's true. I'll give you that.

1:07:26 Caller Okay. But I'm wondering, how come I haven't? I mean, I don't want to. I'm happy that I haven't.

1:07:32 Drew You're lucky.

1:07:33 Caller You will. Right.

1:07:34 Yeah. But he smokes a lot of pot.

1:07:35 Caller Does that have anything to do with it?

1:07:37 Drew It could. It could impair his fertility a little bit, but not enough to make him infertile.

1:07:40 Adam He's going to get you pregnant. Do you hear me?

1:07:42 Drew Yeah.

1:07:42 Adam Do not let him get you pregnant.

1:07:44 Drew You keep saying he come in me. Guaranteed pregnancy.

1:07:47 Adam Yes. Yes. All right.

1:07:49 Drew Okay. You will get pregnant. You've got to use some kind of birth control. Please, why not? You're 18. Take care of yourself. Get the proper exams. Get on the pill. Let's get going.

1:07:57 Adam Listen, imagine if you two had kids with college. You'd have to go to college in prison. Why? Because you're going to San Diego State. He's going to junior college together. There's no lower form of education. You guys will get breed. Your kid's going to come out in the dunce cap on.

1:08:15 Oh, that's so mean.

1:08:17 Adam The doctor's going to tell him to sit in the corner.

1:08:20 Drew You know what? It sounds very nice.

1:08:22 Adam All right.

1:08:22 Drew Apologize to her for playing along.

1:08:23 Adam All right. You're dynamite, baby. And you're hot. That's all you got to worry about.

1:08:26 Drew And she's working at it.

1:08:27 Adam That's right. You're beautiful. Just don't get pregnant. Listen, I didn't even go to college. I can't talk.

1:08:31 Caller I know.

1:08:32 Adam All right.

1:08:33 Drew He says come to all the time.

1:08:35 Caller Most Hispanics were pregnant in high school.

1:08:37 Adam That's true.

1:08:38 Caller I mean, at least I made it to college.

1:08:40 Adam Fantastic.

1:08:41 Drew You're culturally insensitive.

1:08:43 Adam And please, don't stereotype.

1:08:45 Caller I'm not.

1:08:45 Adam Okay. You're not nervous going to school so close to the border?

1:08:49 Caller Actually, I haven't even gone there yet.

1:08:51 Adam I know, but aren't you scared like some border guard is going to throw a big butterfly net over you and drag you back?

1:08:57 Caller You know what? The other day we were going towards down to Santa Monica and in San Clemente, I think it is, they stopped us and they were asking me all kinds of questions. Do I look like a big old...

1:09:09 Adam Do you see that?

1:09:10 Drew You fit some profile.

1:09:12 Adam All right, Eva.

1:09:13 Caller Okay. Thank you.

1:09:14 Caller Bye.

1:09:15 Drew Clearly when she started speaking, they figured English is not her first language.

1:09:19 Adam All right, Drew, don't be mean. Really, San Diego State is not a school.

1:09:24 Caller It really isn't.

1:09:25 Adam The football program is picking up, though.

1:09:27 Drew Oh, is it? Oh, yeah. All the California State schools.

1:09:29 Adam That's right.

1:09:30 Drew Fresno.

1:09:30 Adam Yeah, they gave UCLA a run. We're going to take a little break and we'll be back after this.

1:09:39 Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready, ready, ready.

1:10:15 Adam Oh, Drew, please, buddy, that's nice.

1:10:18 Caller Yeah.

1:10:22 Adam There, forget it. Greg?

1:10:25 Caller Yes.

1:10:26 Adam Yeah, you're 23, what's up?

1:10:29 Yes, I have a question for Dr. Drew.

1:10:31 Drew Yeah, let's go.

1:10:32 All right, this is the question. I had a friend of mine, actually I have a friend of mine that referred me to a website to buy a product for cleansing my girlfriend after we have sex.

1:10:48 Drew Cleansing?

1:10:49 Yes, cleansing her.

1:10:50 Adam You got like a bottle brush?

1:10:53 I've never seen the product before, up until I was told about it. It's at www.bottabrush.com.

1:11:00 Caller www.bottabrush.com?

1:11:04 And it's sort of like a a squirt bottle. It's a pouch with a Oh, it's called a Bota bag.

1:11:13 Drew It's called an Enema bag. It's a douche bag.

1:11:16 Is that what it is?

1:11:16 Drew Yeah.

1:11:17 Adam Was it the douche bag or the douche nozzle?

1:11:22 Drew I don't know.

1:11:22 It's called Porterfresh. It's not...

1:11:23 Drew It's a douche bag with nozzle.

1:11:25 Adam It's called Porterfresh?

1:11:27 Drew It's a douche. So what's the question?

1:11:28 Adam Right.

1:11:29 So the question to Dr. Drew is that...

1:11:31 Adam You know what I call a milk carton? Lactatote. Porterfresh. All right. Or douche bag.

1:11:38 It's a pouch with a plastic spout on it. And I was wondering, you know, is this something that we should be using?

1:11:45 Drew For what?

1:11:46 Well, you know, after we have sex...

1:11:48 Drew To do what?

1:11:49 To cleanse her out.

1:11:51 Drew Why does she need cleansing? Humans have gotten along fine for many thousands of years without cleansing.

1:11:56 Well, you know, I'm like, infertile. We don't have protected sex.

1:12:02 Drew Why are you infertile?

1:12:04 Well, I, you know, had some condition called acromegaly.

1:12:09 Drew Oh, no kidding.

1:12:10 Adam What was that?

1:12:11 Drew It's a growth hormone, a pituitary...

1:12:14 Elevated growth hormone.

1:12:15 Drew And it's what Andre the Giant had. But it didn't happen before he grew up, so he got gigantism.

1:12:22 Adam So what do you got, Greg?

1:12:23 Drew He has acromegaly, which means you get a thickened brow and thickened hands.

1:12:28 Right, right. But it's been cured.

1:12:30 Adam Really?

1:12:31 Yes, it has.

1:12:32 Drew It's pretty easy to cure these days, but how did that render you infertile?

1:12:36 Well, I'm assuming that's what caused it, because...

1:12:40 Drew Did they take your pituitary out?

1:12:41 My endocrinologist tested my sperm levels after the surgery, and they weren't there.

1:12:48 Adam All right. So here... Wait, wait.

1:12:49 Drew So you had a pituitary surgery?

1:12:52 Yes.

1:12:52 Drew You had what, a trans-phenoidal?

1:12:54 A trans-phenoidal, correct.

1:12:55 Adam A real doctor or just a love doctor? Hey, listen, Greg.

1:12:58 Drew Yes.

1:12:58 Adam Here's the deal. You want to cleanse your dirty semen out of her pristine vagina after you're done having sex?

1:13:05 Right. Is that healthy?

1:13:06 Drew No.

1:13:06 Adam No.

1:13:07 Drew No.

1:13:07 Adam Leave it in there.

1:13:08 Drew It's fine. Too much douching is not good. A lot of douching...

1:13:11 Adam I treat the vagina like a hamper. Just leave it in there.

1:13:14 Drew Hey, but Greg...

1:13:14 Adam Let the maid get it.

1:13:15 Drew You may... That may have been right after the surgery. You're testing may have turned back on. If they haven't turned on, you got to talk to the doctor about maybe taking some testosterone and that would restore the sperm production. That's not right just to have no sperm.

1:13:28 Adam Hey, Dave?

1:13:29 Caller Yeah.

1:13:30 Adam You're 29?

1:13:30 Drew And he can get his girlfriend pregnant. He could.

1:13:34 Adam Dave?

1:13:35 Caller Yeah.

1:13:35 Adam What's up there, buddy?

1:13:37 Hey, you guys are great. Adam, you're hilarious. Drew, I have a lot of respect for you. So I hope you can restore some worth to the last two hours of my life that I've spent trying to get on here.

1:13:49 Adam All right.

1:13:50 So I've got three kids, married 11 years. The youngest one is four. We'll be five in December. She had a tubal ligation at the end of that. Come on.

1:13:59 Adam I got a big fart coming up.

1:14:01 Drew Isn't that night day, we waited two hours for this.

1:14:05 Adam That was gas.

1:14:08 Now here's the deal.

1:14:09 Adam Hold on a second.

1:14:09 Caller Let me see if I can get some of this.

1:14:13 Adam No, no punch. No punch. That's what the sound of a train makes when it pulls up the stage or shh. All right, tubal ligation.

1:14:22 Drew After the five year old.

1:14:23 Okay. So we've been going like rabbits ever since. Caution of the wind. Now it looks very seriously like she's pregnant.

1:14:33 Drew What procedure did she have done? Do you know?

1:14:37 As far as I guess you're saying, there's different types of tubals. Okay. He described it like this. I cut an inch out and I tied it. I looped it back and tied it really good.

1:14:47 Adam Tubal ligation is when the egg gets fertilized inside the tube?

1:14:51 No. It's when they cut out a section of the fallopian tube, leading from the ovaries down to the uterus.

1:14:57 Drew You're thinking of a tubal pregnancy. This is what this tubal ligation renders her infertile.

1:15:04 Adam So you do it intentionally as a means of operation.

1:15:09 It's a real alternative to the vasectomy.

1:15:11 Drew Usually they cut, tie, and burn.

1:15:16 Adam When you have that ectopic pregnancy, how do they fix that?

1:15:20 Drew They can repair the tube. They can take it out if they get it early enough. It just swells in the tube. I don't know why I'm connecting the two.

1:15:28 Adam What would they do to fix that?

1:15:29 Drew Self-injectomy. Self-pongeotomy.

1:15:32 Adam All right. Anyway, Dave.

1:15:34 Let me add just one little thing. We've been through this three times. I know that the breast changed and she's getting hard right in the lower abdomen. You know, her belly is starting to really firm up. It's only been a couple weeks.

1:15:46 Caller She's late.

1:15:47 But she has been taking these over-the-counter, like hormonal, totally natural, it's all salt-palmetto, whatever. Is there any chance that this herbal thing that she's taking is causing this imbalance in her hormonal thing?

1:16:02 Drew Sure, of course. There's some very potent plant estrogens you can get your hands on out there, and probably some progesterone agents. But obviously, she needs a pregnancy test. Pregnancy tests would not be affected by those hormones, those herbal supplements. But the point you're sort of grappling with is whether or not somebody can get pregnant after a tubal ligation, which they can. Right.

1:16:24 Adam But it's...

1:16:24 Drew The tubes reopen again. Your body wants to be in its native state. It fights like hell.

1:16:29 Adam All right. But what are the chances... What's the difference between a vasectomy and a tubal ligation in terms of the chance of you getting someone pregnant or your system getting up and running again? Do you have any idea?

1:16:39 Drew I believe it's about the same, and it's both very rare, but it happens.

1:16:43 Adam Wayne?

1:16:44 Yes.

1:16:44 Adam You're 19. What's up?

1:16:46 Caller Okay. About a year ago, I went down to U of A in Tucson.

1:16:54 Adam Yep.

1:16:54 Drew We've been there.

1:16:56 Caller And I didn't do too good.

1:16:58 Adam Oh, you didn't?

1:16:58 Caller I didn't flunk out or anything, but my parents wanted me to come home and I was at home again, back up in Phoenix.

1:17:05 Adam You should try San Diego State. What about Triumph?

1:17:10 Caller I had a 1490 and I'm pretty good on my SAT.

1:17:13 Adam All right.

1:17:14 Drew What happened down in the U of A?

1:17:16 Caller So I moved back home and I'm going to DeVry right now. Right.

1:17:21 Adam What did you learn at DeVry? To work on computers?

1:17:24 Caller Yeah. I want to be a computer programmer.

1:17:26 Adam I wanted to learn to work in a doctor's world when I was here, right? Remember those commercials? Was that at the Chaktiana School of Bartending? Go ahead, Wayne.

1:17:36 Caller So they've been being really tough on me.

1:17:38 Drew Your parents have?

1:17:39 Caller Yeah.

1:17:40 Adam Yeah.

1:17:40 Drew How much potty smoking?

1:17:42 Caller Not a lot.

1:17:43 Drew How much every day?

1:17:44 Caller None every day.

1:17:45 Adam How many bales a week?

1:17:48 Caller No comparison there.

1:17:49 Adam Okay. Are you smoking a little bit?

1:17:51 Caller Yeah.

1:17:52 Drew You're smoking a lot. Sounds like you're smoking a little more. Yeah. Did you slow down recently or something?

1:17:57 Caller No. No, not really. I mean, I just go once in a while down at U of A, but haven't since I've been home.

1:18:04 Drew How long have you been home for?

1:18:06 Caller A good four weeks.

1:18:07 Drew You haven't smoked pot once since being home?

1:18:09 Caller No.

1:18:09 Caller Really?

1:18:10 Caller Really.

1:18:13 Drew But you can get started. If you were smoking regularly down there and stopped suddenly, you can get really depressed.

1:18:18 Caller Well, I'm not depressed or anything. It's just that they don't want me to like do anything at all. They won't let me go out at night or anything. I've been trying to convince them to go to a psychiatrist.

1:18:28 Adam For them to go to a psychiatrist?

1:18:30 Drew For everybody to go.

1:18:30 Caller Yeah. Just so we can figure something out.

1:18:34 Adam Well, listen. Here's a question.

1:18:35 Drew Good plan.

1:18:36 Adam Here's the deal. Wayne, let me explain something. I got a big argument with my mom about three or four days ago. About what? Because once a year my mom wants me to do some construction job over at her house and I tell her to do something about it and I'll pay for it and blah, blah, blah. She never does anything about it. So I finally got tired of her asking me about it. So I just told her shut up and she got all pissed off. But here's the deal, Wayne. I realized something very important. Your parents don't change much. They really don't. Drew, your dad's still cheap, right? Yeah. Your mom still get drunk, talk your ear off. Okay. They don't change. And so here's what you got to do. Avoid them. You understand? Get out of the house. Yeah, move out. Move out. You're 19, you get a job, you get an apartment with a couple of buddies, you move out.

1:19:26 Drew Yeah, but here's a kid that's got tons of potential. He gets 14, 30s. He does. Something's wrong. Something's messed up. And the parents are trying to do their parenting job. Now he's at DeVryme. Something has gone derailed. Something's gone off target here.

1:19:39 Adam Yeah.

1:19:39 Drew And I suspect he's smoking a lot of pot or doing something or done some drugs that have affected his...

1:19:44 Adam Sounded like he's smoking some weed.

1:19:46 Drew Yeah. I mean, ecstasy. We're going to see a crap load of kids that are derailed from ecstasy.

1:19:51 Adam Well, listen...

1:19:51 Drew Let's just ask him. Just if he did a lot of X or not.

1:19:55 Adam Yeah. Now who's high? You can't even find that phone.

1:19:58 Drew Hey, Wayne? Yeah. Did you do a lot of ecstasy when you were down there?

1:20:01 Caller Not a lot.

1:20:02 Drew What's not a lot?

1:20:04 Caller Like I've done it once or twice.

1:20:07 Drew LSD?

1:20:08 Caller No.

1:20:08 Drew Never.

1:20:09 Adam No drugs. Just a little weed.

1:20:10 Caller Yep.

1:20:11 Caller All right.

1:20:12 Drew Are you being completely honest with this? Yes.

1:20:16 Adam Move out of the house.

1:20:17 Drew Yeah.

1:20:17 Adam That's it. Everybody, everyone who's over 17 and doesn't like their parents, move out. Those of you who say you can't afford it, oh, you can afford it. Do what I did. Get a nice one bedroom in North Hollywood with three buddies. Everyone pays, I think we all paid, I think it was like a buck 85. Seriously, we had one bedroom, it was like 375, had three people living in it. Rent was 125 bucks a month or something. But I got the futon with the wheeze. Yeah, score, he was little.

1:20:50 Drew You slept with him on the same futon?

1:20:52 Adam We slept together on the same futon.

1:20:54 Drew It's like Abraham Lincoln.

1:20:55 Adam For two years.

1:20:56 Drew When the history is written.

1:20:57 Adam We had an apartment with three walls.

1:20:59 Drew When the history is written, they're gonna say, you see, he was gay, slept in the same bed with a man. Like they say about Abraham Lincoln.

1:21:04 Adam I had to ride on a shovel. We didn't have paper. Christine? Yeah. Flathead, you're 16. What's up?

1:21:12 Drew That was your desk.

1:21:13 Adam That was my desk. Yes. I had a shovel for a desk.

1:21:17 Caller That's right.

1:21:18 Caller About, I don't know, six months ago or something, my boyfriend, well, he's not my boyfriend anymore. But he ate me out and went down on me or whatever you guys can call it. And he said that it tasted really bad and I don't know. I don't think that's normal.

1:21:38 Adam Yeah.

1:21:38 Tasty.

1:21:40 Adam Right.

1:21:40 Drew It's not normal for him to say something like that, or not normal for you actually to have an abnormal taste?

1:21:45 Caller Yeah. For me to have an abnormal taste.

1:21:47 Drew Well, abnormal taste is usually associated with an abnormal smell, and abnormal smell is associated with an infection. So, you might want to see your doctor to see if there is some kind of vaginal infection there.

1:21:57 Adam And listen, it's day to day with the vagina. You never know. You're spinning a roulette wheel. I mean, seriously, I would like in... Let's liken the vagina to the underside of my nads, okay?

1:22:10 Drew No, but the vagina is far more sensitive. You never know what you're going to find. I agree with that.

1:22:16 Adam Here's my point. You catch me coming out of the shower, you're in decent to mediocre shape. You catch me coming home from swinging a hammer for eight hours, yelling at Latino guys, and you're going to be in for a world of hurt. You know what I'm saying?

1:22:31 Drew Yeah.

1:22:32 Adam All right. Same nuts, different day. Right, Drew?

1:22:38 Drew Right, Adam.

1:22:39 Adam Like, remember when we were in the Cincinnati airport and you were eating me out? I'd been drinking. I ordered the veal on the plane and it just wasn't a good day.

1:22:49 Drew It was a cheesesteak.

1:22:50 Adam It was a cheesesteak. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break when we come back. We have Christine 16. Wait a minute. We just talked to her. That's a Kiss song. I will talk to Tara. Surprise caller after this.

1:23:07 Um, back in a minute.

1:23:39 Drew That's all part of moving forward, though.

1:23:41 Adam Eh, maybe. We're just having a little conversation off the air. Nothing to do with you guys at home. Oh, no. I forget about that. I forget about that. Let's hop back on the phones and speak to Tara, who's 18.

1:23:58 Caller Yeah.

1:23:58 Adam What's up?

1:24:02 Caller Well, I don't know how to start. Basically, I broke up with one of my boyfriends a little while back.

1:24:08 Drew One of your boyfriends?

1:24:10 Caller I've had quite a few. I started dating really young.

1:24:14 Caller How old?

1:24:16 Caller Seventh grade. Twelve.

1:24:19 Drew That's how I was the guy.

1:24:21 Caller I was just the same age. I basically have been dating a lot, but I started having sex when I turned 18.

1:24:30 Drew That's when you started having sex?

1:24:31 Caller Yeah.

1:24:32 Drew You're 18 now?

1:24:32 Caller I'm 18 now.

1:24:33 Drew Okay.

1:24:35 Caller But after we broke up, well, I cheated on him with someone that worked with me.

1:24:43 Drew How long had you been with the guy? The first guy?

1:24:45 Caller We hadn't been together very long.

1:24:46 Drew Wait a minute.

1:24:47 Adam After you broke up, you cheated on him?

1:24:49 Caller No.

1:24:50 Drew Just before.

1:24:51 Caller Just before I broke up with him.

1:24:52 Caller Yeah.

1:24:53 Caller But since then, I've been having sex with a lot of different guys.

1:25:00 Drew How many?

1:25:02 Caller I'd say at least six.

1:25:04 Caller Okay.

1:25:05 Adam So you mean at the same time?

1:25:06 Caller No, not at the same time.

1:25:07 Adam Well, I mean not at the same time, not on the same night, but.

1:25:11 Caller Like success. I've had sex with three different guys in the past three days.

1:25:17 Caller Oh, really?

1:25:18 Caller Yeah.

1:25:18 Caller Son of a bitch.

1:25:19 Adam Am I one of them?

1:25:20 Caller No, I'm not one of them.

1:25:24 Drew It's like this close. What's been happening with you?

1:25:26 Caller What do you think? I graduated high school. I just decided to take a semester off.

1:25:32 Adam And just go slutting?

1:25:35 Caller No.

1:25:35 Drew You feeling depressed?

1:25:38 Caller Not really, like a little. Depression runs in my family, so I'm really paranoid about it. But I don't know. It's just like.

1:25:46 Drew Are you drinking or doing drugs?

1:25:50 Caller Generally, I don't.

1:25:51 Adam Do you like any of these guys?

1:25:54 Caller Like, I'm attracted to them. I'm really attracted to them initially. And I never plan on having sex with them.

1:26:01 Adam Right.

1:26:01 Caller Not like I say, oh, I'm going to.

1:26:03 Drew But to answer my question again, were you drinking or doing drugs?

1:26:05 Caller No.

1:26:06 Drew Not at all, when you had these sexual encounters?

1:26:10 Adam Interesting.

1:26:10 Drew You're not on medication?

1:26:12 Caller No.

1:26:12 Caller All right.

1:26:13 Adam Well, knock it off.

1:26:14 Drew Is there anything else you might be sort of trying to cope with by?

1:26:18 Caller My parents are getting a divorce.

1:26:20 Caller Okay.

1:26:20 Drew Well, there you go.

1:26:23 Caller Yeah.

1:26:23 Adam That's what happened to me. My parents got a divorce and I went out on a sex rampage. Yeah. Then 11 years later, I got laid. It was great.

1:26:32 Caller No. I feel basically like I'm turning into a slut. I haven't told anyone.

1:26:38 Adam Well, listen. Let me explain something. I was just thinking about this tonight. Strength breeds strength and weakness breeds weakness.

1:26:48 Drew It's momentum.

1:26:49 Adam And momentum. And the more guys you sleep with, the more guys you're going to sleep with.

1:26:52 Drew What's the worse you feel? The more shame you feel, the more you need to deal with that shame.

1:26:56 Adam And it's just the less you have to lose. It's why when people go off the wagon, they go hard. It's like, screw it. I did a line of Coke. I'm doing an eight ball. I'm staying up all night. I mean, that's it. I mean, I'm done. And each line, you get a little bit deeper into it. And each guy, you get a little deeper into it. So here's what you do. Just stop. If you don't feel good about yourself, stop and start gaining some strength.

1:27:20 Drew And also start dealing with what the real issue is. You're losing your family.

1:27:24 Adam Yeah, well, losing. She's 18. She's moving up.

1:27:27 Drew But she still feels this. Will?

1:27:31 Yeah, what's happening?

1:27:31 Adam You're 22. What's up?

1:27:33 Caller OK. Hey, I think you guys are great.

1:27:35 Adam Fantastic.

1:27:37 Caller Well, see, basically, I stopped smoking pot about nine months ago, but I smoked before that. I smoked about for seven years straight.

1:27:45 Adam Every day?

1:27:46 Caller Pretty much. Pretty much every day. And it was really potent stuff, too.

1:27:50 Caller Wow.

1:27:52 Caller So my question is, well, basically...

1:27:54 Drew You sound remarkably intact.

1:27:55 Adam Yeah.

1:27:55 Caller What's that?

1:27:56 Drew You sound remarkably intact.

1:27:57 Caller Yeah. Well, that's why I'm calling because I don't feel remarkably intact.

1:28:01 Adam Where are you going? San Diego State?

1:28:04 Caller No, I'm going to look at JC. I'm actually, you know, I'm surprised I'm doing well, but, you know, I have massive headaches and fatigue and I'm still really confused.

1:28:13 Drew That's the depression that comes after. That's all pot. Especially when you started before the age of 15. There's actually evidence that you might even cause a little brain damage with that.

1:28:21 Caller Well, I did acid when I was 13.

1:28:24 Drew The mood disturbance that you're going to have long, probably your mood problems your whole life. Actually, the first six months of being all pot is when this stuff is usually the most intense.

1:28:34 Adam All right. Here's the way I look at your brain, Will.

1:28:36 Caller Okay.

1:28:36 Adam It ain't at full capacity.

1:28:39 Caller Yeah, it isn't.

1:28:40 Adam But your brain is bigger and stronger than most brains. So even your brain at full capacity. Remember that chick who called from San Diego State?

1:28:49 Caller Yeah. And the one before that. Yeah.

1:28:52 Adam When she's running on high octane and running 110 percent, your brain could kick her ass at 45 percent.

1:28:58 Caller Yeah. Well, you know, I feel like there's so much out there that I just can't reach in my brain. You know what I mean?

1:29:04 Adam Yeah.

1:29:05 Caller I see it and I just can't articulate it.

1:29:08 Adam Yeah. Okay.

1:29:09 Drew And you would have been able to.

1:29:10 Adam I'm taking that back. Yeah. The point is, is you're a smart guy, but you've fogged yourself over a little bit. Pretty much.

1:29:16 Drew I suggest you see a psychiatrist who's used to dealing with people with substance problems. It may be largely a issue of the chemicals that are responsible for mood, and by raising those chemicals, sometimes the concentration and memory and those things will improve.

1:29:31 Adam Yeah. Lewis.

1:29:32 Hello.

1:29:33 Adam You're 15.

1:29:34 Caller Yeah.

1:29:34 Adam What's up?

1:29:36 Caller Well, nothing much. Everything's cool.

1:29:39 Caller Well, not really.

1:29:41 Caller Yeah.

1:29:41 Caller I've been masturbating lately, and it's not a new thing for me, but I've been getting blue lately.

1:29:47 Drew You've been getting blue?

1:29:48 Caller Blue.

1:29:49 Drew Where?

1:29:50 Caller Like my testicles. They get blue.

1:29:52 Caller No, they don't.

1:29:54 Caller I think it's because I sock them too much or something.

1:29:57 Adam You sock them?

1:29:58 Caller Yeah.

1:29:59 Caller I guess.

1:29:59 Caller You're going to masturbate it?

1:30:01 Caller Let's put it this way, guys.

1:30:01 Drew This comes with the mason jar.

1:30:03 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:30:04 Adam Okay. Hey, Louis. I'll put you back on hold for another 20 minutes, all right?

1:30:07 Caller All right.

1:30:08 Adam All right. It's been on hold for 75 minutes. I don't approve of a socking one's testicles, but I did ring mine like a bar rag the other day, trying to get every ounce of semen out of them.

1:30:20 Drew Put them through one of those ringers? You hit your nuts?

1:30:23 Adam Yeah, ring them. Yeah, I put them through one of those old style washing ringers that they used to, like in the cartoon, when the guy would get sucked into it and he'd come out one-dimensional.

1:30:34 Drew Come out flat.

1:30:35 Adam Or two-dimensional. What is that, two-dimensional?

1:30:37 Drew Two.

1:30:37 Adam Yeah. What's one-dimensional? Is there anything? Could you make a one-dimensional drawing? You can't do it, can you? It's either up or down. It can't be both.

1:30:46 Drew Right. It can't be. It can just be.

1:30:51 Adam Have I confused you or just myself? There's three-dimensional drawing, right? Right. There's two-dimensional drawing.

1:30:59 It's heights and widths. And if you just have heights, then it's one-dimensional.

1:31:01 Caller If you just have width, then it's one-dimensional.

1:31:03 Adam So it's height and width. So those are the two dimensions. Could you make a drawing with just width?

1:31:09 Caller Yeah, but it would be one-dimensional.

1:31:11 Adam You make a one-dimensional drawing?

1:31:12 Caller But it would just be a line.

1:31:13 Drew It's not a line. You only have a line.

1:31:15 Adam Could you put an arrow on the end of it to illustrate width?

1:31:18 Caller No, because that'd be high.

1:31:19 Adam That'd be high? Oh, because that would move up? Okay, so, all right.

1:31:26 Caller It is so Thursday.

1:31:27 Adam I get it high and think about this. Eric?

1:31:29 Yes.

1:31:29 Adam You're 36.

1:31:31 Caller Yeah, it's one-dimensional. Line is one-dimensional.

1:31:33 Adam Right, and you can't add anything to that line?

1:31:36 Caller That's right.

1:31:37 Adam What if the line's not perfectly straight or it curves a little bit?

1:31:40 Caller Two-dimensional.

1:31:41 Adam That's two-dimensional?

1:31:42 Drew Then it's a non-Euclidean line.

1:31:44 Adam So the only one-dimensional drawing is just a straight line?

1:31:47 Caller That's correct.

1:31:48 Adam But it can keep going as long as you want it.

1:31:49 Caller Horizontal or vertical, but nothing in between.

1:31:53 Adam Okay, what about diagonal?

1:31:55 Caller Yeah, it could be that too.

1:31:57 Adam Really?

1:31:57 Caller I think so, yes.

1:31:58 Adam Because that's kind of going two directions. That's kind of going horizontal and vertical.

1:32:02 Drew Just think about axes on a graph.

1:32:04 Adam What graph? Listen, I took high school math. I never even took algebra.

1:32:08 Drew All right, let's go.

1:32:08 Adam What's up, Eric?

1:32:09 Caller This is a medical question. And I have a son who is 13 months. And he has a, he's not circumcised. And he had a redness around the foreskin. And it almost looks, it looks like there's almost a couple of lesions or small, like, you know, just, they look like cuts, like a razor cut almost.

1:32:36 Drew Does it seem to hurt him?

1:32:37 Caller Pardon?

1:32:37 Drew Does it hurt him?

1:32:39 Caller No, it doesn't bother him. And we just noticed it today. My wife noticed it and she has herpes. And they told us when we gave birth, we went over this a lot when we decided to have a kid. And we were asked if we were supposed to have a caesarean, to prevent him from getting it. And she has a very mild case. It only comes up very seldom. But I was just concerned that it might be...

1:33:08 Drew What did they tell you about caesarean?

1:33:12 Caller They said, no, the only risk was if she was having an outbreak at a certain time.

1:33:16 Drew Right, if you're not having an active outbreak, you can...

1:33:18 Adam So she wasn't having an outbreak.

1:33:21 Drew Why would herpes and him sort of end up on his genitalia?

1:33:23 Adam I was going to say, wouldn't he just have a pinstripe, one-dimensional...

1:33:26 Drew Yeah, he gets it in his eyes. I'm asking you. No, no. But I'm telling you, he sits in a wet diaper all day and he's uncircumcised. He rubs up against that. He breaks down.

1:33:34 Adam Right.

1:33:35 Drew You've got to get some Desitin or something on there.

1:33:36 Adam Yeah. But I understand you're anything... You're predisposed to herpes.

1:33:41 Drew Yeah, as you're thinking herpes all the time.

1:33:43 Adam You're casting herpes upon your young son, Johnson. How dare you? How dare you? I'll take a break.

1:33:50 Hello, this is your radio. Loveline will be ready.

1:34:31 Adam Aishinoshi. All right. That is it. We are done with another fabulous Loveline week. I want to thank Danielle for just being the sunshine of my life. Brings coffee. Does a great job on the phone. Just a ray of sunshine in here. Also want to thank engineer Anderson is doing a wonderful job on the boards and seems almost a clairvoyant when he puts those fabulous drops in. So and of course producer Anne who I haven't seen all week but she did an excellent job anyway. So until next time is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying Mahalo.

1:35:05 Caller Well I was wondering like, what's more?

1:35:13 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, the management sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Anne Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, September 14, 2000