Episode 1000754887053

0:55 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LLV-E-191, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. And tonight, we're elated to welcome David Alan Grier to the radio program.

1:16 I'm back up in here.

1:19 David Alan Grier Hey, Dr. Drew, how you doing, baby?

1:22 David Alan Grier Hey! Nice being up in here, Loveline!

1:25 Drew Does his soul get periodically possessed or something?

1:28 David Alan Grier I always come to visit my buddies.

1:31 Adam Yep, Geraldine possesses his soul.

1:34 David Alan Grier Hey, don't you talk about Geraldine.

1:35 David Alan Grier That was fine.

1:36 David Alan Grier Fine theater. Flip Wilson never honored for the Geraldine in him.

1:40 David Alan Grier Really? Is Flip still alive, by the way?

1:43 Adam No.

1:43 David Alan Grier Flip flipped on to the...

1:46 Adam He moved on to the other side?

1:47 David Alan Grier He did. He's telling jokes in the sky now.

1:50 Adam Well, I don't know how far up in the sky they are.

1:52 David Alan Grier How you fellas doing, baby?

1:55 Adam We're doing good, dude. David Alan Grier, dear, dear, dear friend of mine.

2:01 Drew He's a dear, dear, dear friend of mine.

2:04 David Alan Grier Yeah. We box, baby. Dr. Drew, I come in, Dr. Drew's like, he's getting his neck rubbed.

2:10 David Alan Grier He's like, ow, ow, I punched a bag with asthma, and my neck is crooked.

2:16 Adam And David's, he's got some boxing skills.

2:19 David Alan Grier I got a little bang bang with me.

2:20 Drew He goes, how old are you? And of course he goes, too old, can't do it. Can't do it anymore. Well, you know what? He goes, my darks says I can't do it anymore.

2:26 David Alan Grier It's true, because all of the years of back pain, I have an actual back injury.

2:30 Drew So that's why he couldn't call you, Adam. He didn't call you back.

2:32 David Alan Grier But I boxed through it, don't I?

2:33 Adam Yeah.

2:34 David Alan Grier Don't I? I do. I don't sit up in the air with someone rubbing on me.

2:37 Drew That's why you didn't call him back, Adam?

2:39 Adam I gotta, I gotta be, I gotta be honest. Hold on a second.

2:42 David Alan Grier Hold on there, Adam. I did not be a tag team since I walked in the door.

2:45 Adam No, this is not a trial.

2:47 David Alan Grier Well, you know, I sure do feel like OJ right about now and I thought my buddy, Dr. Drew, was gonna come to my aid.

2:54 Adam I thought he liked you too. I don't know why he turned on you.

2:56 David Alan Grier But you got punched me soon as I walk in the door, Dr. Drew.

2:59 Adam Yeah. Little, little shot to the kidneys.

3:01 David Alan Grier It's true.

3:02 Adam David, David Alan Grier has serious boxing skills. Now, now I'll be honest. I've worked with a lot of guys in my day. I've hold the focus gloves for many, many a champion. David's had some good days, he had some bad days. But on his good days, he's got some, you know, good endurance, good hand speed, good pop in his punches.

3:23 David Alan Grier Tell him what I do. I always try and like, he always holds the bag, he always holds the focus mitts for me first. And I'm like, all right, man, I'm up and out of here, man. I'm like, don't wait. No, stand there. All down. Four more rounds.

3:35 Drew Then he takes your shoulder, arm right on your shoulder.

3:38 David Alan Grier He's got issues, Adam's got issues.

3:39 Adam David's a man on the go though. He shows up and when he shows up, the first thing he does is tell you why he asked to leave early. And then he complains because there's no black man music on the CD.

3:50 David Alan Grier Yeah, but you have like, you know, the Disco Carpenter's 2000.

3:54 Drew Yeah, he has, he has Deep Purple Highway Star.

3:58 David Alan Grier Right, you have the worst music on.

4:00 Adam That's at the party house. I don't have the selection of music on.

4:03 David Alan Grier And that's another thing. Every time I come to that house, it looks like you just had some butt naked partying going on.

4:09 David Alan Grier Never invites me.

4:11 David Alan Grier There's always like, you know, little maruchino cherries half full, little dessert trays all around. I'm like, Adam, what went down? He goes, ah, nothing. Hey, let's box.

4:20 Adam Nothing you need to know about. Let's get busy.

4:22 David Alan Grier I'm a little hung over from last night. What happened last night?

4:24 Man, nothing, nothing.

4:26 Drew Where is your heavy bag in that house?

4:28 Adam It's in the, I got a workout room. That's where David and I work out. But I hold the focus gloves for him. And I'm ready to get back into it, David, if you.

4:37 David Alan Grier All right, man, I'm ready now. This is my commitment from this day forward. Now, let me give you some boxing advice, Dr. Drew. Adam goes, I go, Adam, do you run? You know, get your, you see my legs? See, I'm jumping up and down. I'm scooting away from you. Now watch, I did a little turn there. That's road work. That's road work, okay? You move around like that for three or four hours. That's road work.

4:57 Adam Bend your knees. That's all you need. Well, let's talk about DAG, by the way, and get our plugs in.

5:04 David Alan Grier It's just some old network star vehicle that I'm in, man. I don't want to linger on that.

5:09 Adam Tuesday Night, 830 NBC.

5:12 Drew It's going to be with us again.

5:13 David Alan Grier I hope so. I hope so, because I'm buying stuff, man. I got to. I went down to Ferrari dealership, and I was like, do you have a convertible?

5:22 Drew No.

5:22 David Alan Grier Can you make that one a convertible?

5:26 David Alan Grier No, I didn't go out like that.

5:27 Adam No, he's like all the brothers. He drives a huge SUV.

5:30 David Alan Grier I know, but inside, it's got a hot tub, panel in it.

5:36 David Alan Grier I got shacks all over.

5:38 Drew You said you saw David's song from the last time he was on this show?

5:40 David Alan Grier I don't even remember that.

5:41 Drew Oh, this is a good one. Here it is.

5:42 David Alan Grier It's like a little plop here, a little skeet there, skeet, skeet, skeet, everywhere, everybody, everybody, skeet, skeet. That's how you do your threesomes with me.

5:52 Adam Oh, my, my Christ. I just looked down. I just looked down, saw the punch list here, and saw that David is racing in the Long Beach Grand Prix this Saturday in the celebrity race. Who else is in that celebrity race?

6:08 David Alan Grier A lot of very big celebrities. A guy named Eric. You know that guy from ER? Billy Blanks is racing. Billy Blanks is racing. Josh Brolin, the winner of last year's Piper Parable. A little cute little Piper Parable.

6:24 David Alan Grier Shout out to Piper Parable.

6:26 David Alan Grier Hey, baby, how you doing? Love you, Dumplin.

6:28 Adam She's a household name, that one.

6:29 David Alan Grier Oh, she's fat.

6:31 Adam And now what about-

6:32 David Alan Grier Let's pump the brakes here and pull over now.

6:34 Adam What about the other black guy from Fresh Prince of Bel-Land, what's his name?

6:38 David Alan Grier Oh, are you talking about Alfonso Rubio?

6:39 Adam Yeah, who races every year instead of me.

6:42 David Alan Grier No, he's-

6:42 Adam he's-

6:43 David Alan Grier he was racing professionally. He came over to visit when we were training.

6:45 Adam Really?

6:46 David Alan Grier Absolutely. He has his own car.

6:48 Adam Oh my God.

6:49 David Alan Grier You know, he came over like, you know, and he used to win this show all the time.

6:53 David Alan Grier Oh yeah, I raced one year with him.

6:54 Adam And who else is in this?

6:56 David Alan Grier Um, Jim Kelly, big Jim Kelly.

6:59 David Alan Grier Never heard of him. We have Dara Torres. Don't know who that is.

7:02 David Alan Grier Well, she won about four or five.

7:03 Adam I'm dying to do this race.

7:04 David Alan Grier Listen, I'm going to campaign on your behalf, Adam, because there's nothing more fun than the Toyota Grand Prix. It is fabulous. It's wonderful.

7:12 Adam What speeds do you get up to on that track?

7:14 David Alan Grier All right, I was over there at Long Beach a few days ago. We were doing our first test run on the big track, well over 100 miles an hour.

7:21 Adam Really?

7:22 David Alan Grier Yeah, you don't really have time to look at the speedometer.

7:26 Adam Now, what do you drive in? Are you driving?

7:27 David Alan Grier We're driving Celicas. Everybody drives a Celica. It has the racing seats and the belts. I don't know exactly. They say they're stock, but they're a little tricked out for racing.

7:38 Adam They give them like an air filter, an exhaust system, or something like that.

7:42 David Alan Grier They tweak them a little bit.

7:43 David Alan Grier It's nice, I know, because when you drive around, you get the racing car sound, because as an actor, it's all about appearances for me.

7:49 David Alan Grier I'm empty inside.

7:51 David Alan Grier I'm barren. I'm barren. Nothing but cobwebs in my soul.

7:54 David Alan Grier But outside, baby, look out.

7:56 Adam What soul, by the way?

7:57 Look out!

7:58 David Alan Grier You see my facial hair?

8:00 David Alan Grier I look like a homeless man, don't I?

8:02 Adam What are you on, hiatus or something?

8:04 David Alan Grier I want heroin, my friend.

8:05 David Alan Grier It's better than hiatus. That makes every day a hiatus.

8:09 David Alan Grier I'm getting ready for a film, actually. I'm going to do a film called Boss Lear.

8:14 Adam I see.

8:14 David Alan Grier It's an adaptation of King Lear. No laughs in there, my friend. What drama?

8:18 Adam When is that coming out?

8:19 David Alan Grier Oh, I don't know. You know half the stuff. You do it. You don't know when it's coming out.

8:22 Adam No, it's a good point, although I don't do half the stuff.

8:25 David Alan Grier You know, let me ask you something, Mr. Philosopher. When you're eating a big T-bone steak and enjoying it as it goes down, do you ever ask yourself, hey, when's that coming out?

8:33 No. Oh, yes, he does.

8:34 David Alan Grier Oh, he does.

8:35 He's planning for it.

8:36 Adam No, that is a very good point.

8:37 Whoa, guys.

8:38 Drew I like that.

8:38 David Alan Grier Whoa, Adam, I don't mean to jump the gun here, but Dr. Drew gave me some medication for my stomach, because you don't have a squeezy stomach, Adam, from last time, so let's just kind of steer clear of the butt stuff.

8:50 Okay.

8:50 Drew Oh, remember this?

8:52 Yeah.

8:52 David Alan Grier Thanks a lot, Dr. Drew.

8:53 Adam Last time David came on, he got a little nauseated because I was talking about something.

8:58 David Alan Grier Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, let's... I don't think everybody needs to know exactly what you were talking about.

9:04 Adam No, I'm not going to get into detail. I can't remember if we were talking about extramen or felching or something. Something that had to do with the anus. Well, you know what felching is. That's when semen goes into the anus.

9:19 Drew Somebody sucks it out.

9:20 Adam Yeah, now I've heard they do it with a straw sometimes. And I don't understand that kind of thinking. I mean, even amongst a homosexual community, what would be a turn on about retrieving one's semen from an anus? Yeah.

9:37 Drew Even if I go up.

9:38 Adam Now hold on a second there. I just want to get to the bottom of this. I mean, are they ingesting the semen?

9:46 Drew Well, I imagine that they will step up to it. Maybe they first just do it by themselves.

9:52 David Alan Grier Hold on, let us finish this conversation real quick. So, are you saying they...

9:57 Drew They first check it on like a time, a sinc counter.

10:01 Adam Oh, that how they retrieve the semen.

10:03 David Alan Grier Well, they practice with that.

10:05 Adam And it has a sort of a milky consistency. Is it thick like tapioca?

10:14 David Alan Grier David, are you all right?

10:15 David Alan Grier Oh, I just found that mercury head dime I lost it seven long years ago.

10:19 David Alan Grier Are you okay, buddy?

10:21 David Alan Grier I'm all right.

10:21 Guys, please, can we change the subject?

10:23 David Alan Grier I'm here to heal some babies. Sorry, Jack, but Drew, do you want your pill back? Because it's right here on the table.

10:28 Drew Oh, yeah, it's nice.

10:29 Adam I just had a real quick question for Drew. Is it possible that the semen mixes in with people, man?

10:36 Drew It all comes back?

10:37 Adam Yeah, I mean, could you get some traces of fecal matter in that semen when you were trying to find it? Is it possible?

10:46 Drew So it all be sort of tapioca?

10:48 Adam Yeah, I guess it would, but it'd be a browner. David, are you okay? We're gonna...

11:04 David Alan Grier Are you all right?

11:06 Adam I'm sorry.

11:06 David Alan Grier I just want to hold on.

11:08 Adam We just want to get the bottom.

11:09 David Alan Grier Can I get a bop and a bucket in here?

11:13 Adam We just want to get the bottom of the felging thing. I just didn't know how it worked.

11:16 David Alan Grier Here we go, go ahead and call.

11:18 David Alan Grier Add some incense.

11:19 Adam Let's take some calls.

11:21 David Alan Grier Carrie?

11:22 David Alan Grier Yeah?

11:23 Adam Carrie, yeah, you're 21.

11:25 David Alan Grier Yeah.

11:25 Adam Yeah, David Alan Grier is our guest.

11:27 David Alan Grier How you doing?

11:28 Hi, David Alan Grier.

11:29 Adam Yeah, we upset him.

11:30 Drew I'm sorry.

11:31 Adam It happens every time.

11:32 Drew I'm not doing a hangin IV. It's getting so falling to play this.

11:34 David Alan Grier I am so lightheaded right now. What's your problem?

11:39 Adam I'm sorry, Carrie, go ahead.

11:40 David Alan Grier It's all about you, girl.

11:42 I have had a lot of sexual partners and no one's ever been able to make me come. Neither men nor women. Only I can make myself come.

11:50 Drew Do you do that in the presence of these people or do they?

11:53 No, no, I'm too embarrassed to do that.

11:55 Adam And do they use a vibrator or do you use your own tongue?

11:59 No, I use my hands. I use my fingers.

12:03 Adam I see. And could you do that when you're with a man? I mean, what if a man was in you and you used your fingers?

12:11 No, no, it has something to do with the way I can only do it if I like tighten some of my leg muscles. Do you know what I mean? I don't have to have some kind of bodily tension to do it.

12:26 Drew Can't you figure out, have you been in a relationship where you can sort of figure this out with someone?

12:31 No, I haven't had very long, trusting relationships with anybody because it's hard to get close. I don't know.

12:41 Adam Well, that's what you need. You need to work it out.

12:44 Drew Why can't you have a relationship?

12:47 I was with a guy for seven years on and off, and I was so in love with him, and I wanted to marry him, and I still couldn't get it.

12:52 How old are you?

12:53 Adam She's 14. 21 years old. With a guy seven years on and off?

12:59 From when I was 14 to when I was 20.

13:01 Drew But the point is you were pretty young when you were infatuated with this guy. You didn't have a real relationship. You need to have a real relationship where you can feel open and trusting and try to figure this out with someone. The fact that you can do it by yourself means you should be able to figure it out in some capacity.

13:15 Adam Did he break wind in front of you?

13:16 David Alan Grier She said if you're too embarrassed to do it in front of someone else, then you'll never be able to do it.

13:21 Drew But you need that everything I gave to see you a challenge, I think.

13:25 David Alan Grier I want you to come in this studio, little Miss Fancy Pants, and diddle that love button till your head pops off.

13:34 David Alan Grier Now get in here.

13:36 Adam Sick of it. Carrie, find one guy and work the beats out, so to speak, with him.

13:43 David Alan Grier All right.

13:44 Adam All right. Good times. Good times. There you go.

13:46 David Alan Grier Man, I just, you know, I got past the whole sickness thing, but I just want to say I love you, Adam, man. I love you, Dr. Drew.

13:52 Adam Good to have you back there.

13:54 David Alan Grier Group hug!

13:57 David Alan Grier Let's heal some babies, OK?

13:58 Adam Here we go.

13:59 Alfredo?

14:01 Yeah. How you doing?

14:02 Adam Yeah, you're 17. What's going on?

14:04 Caller Yeah, before we get started, before I ask the question, I just want to say, Adam, I'm a very long, very long-time listener, like first time caller, and like, like I act like you. We have like the same, like I have the same hearing as you. It's like so funny. I can't go to sleep without it.

14:18 Adam Thank you.

14:19 David Alan Grier What's your question?

14:21 Caller Well, like, I, it's not really a question. It's a situation. It's like I walked in on my dad walking off.

14:26 Drew Oh boy.

14:27 Caller Yeah. And it's like, it's kind of awkward.

14:29 Drew Ain't the scene for us. What happened? Well, David, you are really an insensitive guy, didn't you? I'm sorry you've been saying that.

14:35 Adam It's very traumatic to the last.

14:36 Drew Yeah, nurse, turn the IV up, please.

14:37 David Alan Grier I'm going to tell you right now.

14:38 Drew 125 cc's now.

14:39 David Alan Grier I'll tell you right now, if I ever caught my father whacking off, he'd get a standing ovation for me because I'd be really impressed.

14:44 Adam Yeah, I would too.

14:45 Drew Well, at his age.

14:46 Adam I don't think my dad has a penis. My dad's penis was confiscated when I was eight. He hasn't seen it since.

14:52 Drew That's how he's able to wear those tie-up pants.

14:54 David Alan Grier Yeah, those fashionable pants.

14:55 David Alan Grier Have you guys gotten joke writers because it's marvelous material. Sorry. Go ahead, Adam. I didn't mean it.

15:00 Caller You're not as good as your men on film.

15:02 Adam Oh, two snaps.

15:05 David Alan Grier Two snaps and a gerbil.

15:08 Drew So Alfredo, what happened?

15:11 Caller Well, like, I'm walking out of my room and, you know, I'm just going to go to the bathroom and I walk in and you know, he's all red and sweaty and stuff.

15:19 Adam Yeah, I don't believe him.

15:21 David Alan Grier You know what's going on.

15:22 Drew No, we don't believe you.

15:23 David Alan Grier But thanks.

15:25 Adam And it just sounds like BS. No, red and sweaty. Alfredo, you know you're full of crap, but thanks for calling.

15:31 David Alan Grier All right.

15:32 Adam What do you care? You're 17. You whack off. Your dad whacks off.

15:35 Caller I mean, I know I whack off, but it's like, I don't know. It's like, you know, but he's like an old guy.

15:39 Caller And it's like, it's a guy that you'll be still doing at that age.

15:43 Drew Is he married?

15:45 Caller He's like, he's there. He separated from my mom.

15:48 Adam All right. So it's got to do it. It's a maintenance thing. Don't worry about it.

15:52 Drew Just relax. Let it go.

15:53 David Alan Grier Don't worry about it.

15:55 Caller It's got to be awkward.

15:55 David Alan Grier Nocturnal emissions.

15:56 Caller Just let it go.

15:57 Drew If dad wants to bring it up and sort of clear the air, he will.

16:00 Adam I didn't believe him anyway.

16:01 Drew Jimmy?

16:01 David Alan Grier He's just trying to get a rise out of his dad. Look out, he'll spit in your face.

16:04 David Alan Grier Hey, guys, you see the double on time I just gave you?

16:08 David Alan Grier Get a rise, spit in your face.

16:10 David Alan Grier I'm talking different language here, fellas.

16:12 Adam David's doing an upcoming comedy tour this summer, by the way.

16:17 David Alan Grier I'll be in Dingleberrys, right outside of Cleveland.

16:22 David Alan Grier Yuck, yucks.

16:23 Adam Are you going alone or you have some sort of Def Jam posse thing?

16:28 David Alan Grier I come in like an assassin, baby. I come in all by myself. I don't have the big black guy like, excuse me, Mr. Grier, when I be signing your autographs today. No, I come in and out, come in and out.

16:39 Drew Jimmy.

16:39 David Alan Grier I just put my money in my socks and I'm, yeah.

16:43 Caller You guys are, we're all business.

16:47 Drew Yeah, Jimmy, what's going on?

16:48 David Alan Grier Jimmy.

16:50 Caller Jimmy, 36.

16:51 David Alan Grier What's up?

16:53 Caller Okay, I've got, okay, Adam, first of all, you're hilarious.

16:58 Adam Thank you. Yes, I know.

16:59 Caller You're gay. I got to get the, no, I'm not gay. Come on.

17:03 Adam All right, go ahead, Jimmy.

17:04 Caller Anyway, you're the only guy in the planet that can make me laugh out loud. This question is for Dr. Drew, all right? I've, I started using heroin when I was 20. I'm probably your oldest car. I'm like 36 now. And I've, you know, tried 21 day detoxes. I've lived in California, lived in Orange County. I think that's where you come from, Drew, isn't it? So Cal.

17:35 Drew My wife, what's the question there, Jeff?

17:38 Caller Question is, I'm going through a methadone program right now.

17:46 Drew Maintenance or detox?

17:47 Caller Yes, it's maintenance. And which I think was really probably the biggest mistake of my life.

17:55 Drew How long have you been on the methadone for?

17:58 Caller Now two years.

17:59 Drew How much are you taking now? About 80 milligrams? About 100. And so what's the question?

18:05 Caller The question is, I feel really safe with the methadone. And I live in a neighborhood where heroin is very easily accessible. I mean, it's just all over the place and I don't know.

18:24 Adam What do you mean safe? What do you mean safe with methadone? And by the way, methadone is sort of a heroin replacement that people... It's a program that people get going with. Drew doesn't like it too much.

18:35 Drew I don't like it, but there are situations where it can be life-saving. Jimmy may be one of these guys.

18:40 Adam Well, he's been at it for 16 years.

18:42 Caller Yeah, exactly. I mean, you know, it's the only thing that's been able to sort of get rid of the...

18:53 Adam How does methadone make you feel, as opposed to heroin?

18:57 Caller It's not really... it's not a high that I get from it.

19:00 Adam You just don't crave the heroin?

19:02 Caller Yeah, it removes the...

19:06 Adam But then what's wrong with it?

19:07 David Alan Grier Methadone, would I get high?

19:09 Drew Yeah, you get high, you go to sleep for a while. Yeah, just a minute.

19:12 Caller You don't really...

19:13 Adam David, hold on.

19:14 Drew If you vomit it up, I'll be pissed.

19:16 Caller It's not a high, it's a... You peak out, you might get a little high.

19:22 Adam What's wrong with doing it then?

19:24 David Alan Grier I think one of the problems with doing it is you can never get to the point.

19:28 Adam You never get... Oh, please.

19:30 Drew You're intoxicated to some extent. It's an altered state. People sort of live in a house of cards that eventually comes kind of crashing down, in my experience. But...

19:40 David Alan Grier It sounds like you're intoxicated.

19:41 Drew Jimmy, if you had spent a year in treatment somewhere and it failed that, then I'd be more apt to sort of embrace methadone. And as you well know, detox is the easiest thing with heroin. The hardest part is staying off the heroin.

19:53 Adam Exactly.

19:54 Drew That's where you need to stay in very active treatment for at least a year.

19:57 Adam Is it harder to get off heroin or methadone?

19:59 Caller Oh, methadone.

20:01 Drew Methadone is very difficult to get off.

20:03 Caller The heroin kick is like three or four days.

20:05 Drew Well, sometimes, you can get lucky sometimes. Some people get off methadone rather fast, like in five to seven days.

20:11 David Alan Grier Is it a transitional treatment or are you able to just stay on it?

20:15 Drew No, he's on maintenance, which is indefinite. It's purely luck whether or not you have the usual six-week withdrawal, which is what it normally takes to get off methadone, versus a five to seven day.

20:25 Caller Well, you know, I hear this from the guys in the clinic and everything that have been on this stuff for years and that have kicked it and gone back and everything. They say, you know, it's like, oh, God, it was the worst thing.

20:38 Drew It can be bad. It can be bad.

20:39 Caller And Drew, you've probably heard of the, oh, it gets in your bones and...

20:43 Drew Yeah, that's nonsense. It doesn't get in your bones, but it causes very intense bone pain because of the changes in your spinal cord biology and your brain biology. But the fact is, methadone may be what you need to be on. If you are tempted to use and ship heroin on top of that, you've got an even bigger problem. You've got to talk about increasing your methadone dose, talk to the people who are giving you the methadone. And if you decide it's time to get off, come off the drug, that is. Because you're going to probably need a year somewhere, and so you better be prepared to do that.

21:10 Adam All right. And methadone, that's been around for a while. Can they do any better than that?

21:16 Drew Yeah, there's buprenorphine now, there's other stuff.

21:18 Adam Well, sure, buprenorphine.

21:19 Drew And there's other things behind it.

21:20 David Alan Grier Have you heard of diptofilaride? I just want to be down with the doctor talk.

21:25 David Alan Grier I just wanted to say something medical.

21:26 David Alan Grier Sorry, Dr. Drew.

21:27 Drew Pedal at the car, should we go right to the three stooges?

21:29 David Alan Grier Pedal at the front. Hey, listen, I just want to apologize. You know, I came in here, you know.

21:34 Drew Would you clean that up, in fact, as long as you're getting into it here?

21:37 David Alan Grier Well, I'll clean it with my shirt. No, really. I mean, this is really, I'm trying to, you know, open up to you, doctor. I'm not, you know, trying to be funny.

21:43 Adam He came in here.

21:44 David Alan Grier Excuse me, Adam.

21:44 Adam I'm sorry.

21:45 David Alan Grier Excuse me.

21:45 Adam I'm saying a little bit of a network attitude when he came in.

21:48 David Alan Grier You know, I was wrong, okay, guys? And I just want to make apologies all around.

21:52 Drew Are you guys in the, you know, I'm sorry. I would love to.

21:54 Caller It's really difficult.

21:56 Drew It's tough with all this vomit all over the table here.

21:58 David Alan Grier Well, you know, this is me, Dr. Drew. You know, this is me. It's like my soul that I can't get up all the dickens up here. And you and your foul mouth.

22:07 Caller You made me up, Chuck.

22:09 Adam He purged his soul, Drew, and you're dancing on it.

22:11 David Alan Grier I'm sorry.

22:12 Adam We're going to take a little break.

22:14 David Alan Grier When we come back, we're going to box.

22:16 Adam We're going to box and get some fluids in to David. We'll talk to Greg. Greg wants David to do the impression of the, of the blues singer from In Living Color.

22:27 David Alan Grier We'll have some of that. Yeah.

22:30 Adam We'll take a break. We'll be back with David Alan Grier after this. David Alan Grier is our guest.

22:50 David Alan Grier What's up, Dad?

22:53 Adam Today is the name of his show, 8.30 Tuesday Nights, NBC. And now you don't know if you're picked up yet, but the show's doing well.

23:02 David Alan Grier It's doing well, man. We're up, we're still on there. We're still slinging.

23:05 Drew I was telling my daughter was watching tonight.

23:06 David Alan Grier Yeah.

23:07 Adam And it looks good for a second season, doesn't it?

23:11 David Alan Grier No, it's only first season.

23:12 Adam I know, but it looks good that you'll get picked up for the second season.

23:16 David Alan Grier No, it's only first season. We're still first season. Let's take a caller. Yeah, let's take a caller. Cause this is first season.

23:22 Adam I see, I'm the Rain Man.

23:23 David Alan Grier Mickey, Mickey, you're 28.

23:25 David Alan Grier What's your question?

23:26 Drew Greg, 22.

23:27 David Alan Grier Oh, sorry.

23:28 David Alan Grier Yeah, Adam, Dr. Drew, I love you guys.

23:30 David Alan Grier Thank you.

23:31 David Alan Grier Also, David Alan Grier, you're the best.

23:33 David Alan Grier Thank you.

23:33 David Alan Grier We love you here in Michigan.

23:35 David Alan Grier Michigan, what town in Michigan?

23:37 David Alan Grier Ipsitlanti.

23:37 David Alan Grier Ipsitucki, baby. Know it well.

23:40 Adam That's his hometown.

23:41 David Alan Grier Ipsitucki. I went down. I went to University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. But we used to come party.

23:46 David Alan Grier We got one for you here, brother.

23:47 David Alan Grier Yeah, we used to party down there in Ipsitucki. That's what they call it.

23:50 David Alan Grier Yeah, we do our party in here, too, as well.

23:52 David Alan Grier That's nice.

23:52 Drew Where's Eastern Michigan?

23:54 David Alan Grier Eastern Michigan is in hell. We don't even know.

23:56 Drew We spoke there, and then we went down to Ann Arbor, remember? That's where we ate at the train station.

24:00 David Alan Grier Oh, yeah. It's close. It's the Eastern and Ipsilanti, Michigan State, all that stuff. It's all around there. Good times over there. Oh, that's nice.

24:08 David Alan Grier I just would love to hear the blues singer, you know, the, hey, hey, thank you very much.

24:14 David Alan Grier I need it.

24:14 David Alan Grier I need it, man. Come on.

24:15 David Alan Grier I can't, brother, because you know what? Fox owns those characters.

24:18 David Alan Grier Oh, even though I take credit for it.

24:19 David Alan Grier Fox owns, you know, listen, man, Fox owns the characters like I did on one time on a radio station. You remember that Adam? Yeah. He came down and arrested. The police came down. Absolutely. That's right. And that's not funny, you know? I'm not just, you know, ha ha he he comedian.

24:32 Adam No, he didn't.

24:32 David Alan Grier It hurt. I got beat down that night. You remember that.

24:34 Adam He did the gay movie critic. He did the two snaps up guy on the show about four years ago.

24:39 David Alan Grier They broke my thing.

24:40 Adam Well, not intentionally. It's just you were hanging on to the door jamb and they slammed it behind you.

24:44 Drew Well, I mean, it was my rights, I said, snap this.

24:46 David Alan Grier Yeah, they did some snaps on.

24:48 Adam Yeah, they did. Maybe it wasn't intentional. They slammed it in the door.

24:51 David Alan Grier Yep. I started yelling at a cop. I broke the fingers right on.

24:56 Adam And he's believed that Greg. Yeah.

25:00 David Alan Grier Yeah.

25:00 Adam I understand with copyright big, you know, the Jewish man is not a fan of the black man. I got to tell you, he's got his lawyers and he's going to come down here and he'll take away the big SUV in the house, in the hills, in the way.

25:12 David Alan Grier Listen, I got all the way. How is Oscar De La Hoya saying something offensive by saying the Jew? What do you say about Bob Arum?

25:21 Adam The Jew.

25:22 David Alan Grier Harvard Jew.

25:23 David Alan Grier Now when is Harvard Jew something bad?

25:26 Adam What was he talking about?

25:27 Drew He referred to Harvard University. Yeah.

25:29 David Alan Grier Yeah. He referred to Bob Arum as the Harvard Jew.

25:32 Adam Yeah.

25:33 David Alan Grier And they're like, that's offensive.

25:35 Adam Now you can't point out someone's race unless they're being offended. You know what I mean?

25:40 David Alan Grier That's crazy, man. This world is just mad.

25:42 Adam It's getting out of hand.

25:43 David Alan Grier What's your mix? Your whops?

25:45 David Alan Grier Your binges?

25:46 Adam Your dagos. Yeah. Spicks.

25:48 David Alan Grier You know. Ganges.

25:49 Drew What would you say? Harvard Jew?

25:52 David Alan Grier I don't know. I mean, Harvard Jew, that's like the, you know, what is up?

25:56 David Alan Grier I know.

25:56 Adam I wish no one would label me Harvard Jew.

25:58 David Alan Grier I know. I would say, I'm going to send you a Christmas card.

26:01 Adam Oops.

26:01 David Alan Grier Monica.

26:02 David Alan Grier My bad.

26:04 Adam I got Valley College Gentile hanging over my head.

26:08 David Alan Grier Yeah.

26:09 Adam Not as nice as Harvard Jew.

26:10 David Alan Grier Hey, are we having some fun in here?

26:12 David Alan Grier It's kinder, it's gentler.

26:14 Adam Yeah, this is better.

26:14 David Alan Grier I took your advice, Dr. Drew.

26:15 Drew Clean the vomit.

26:16 Adam I appreciate that. Oh, gosh.

26:17 David Alan Grier I'm not sure about some things.

26:19 David Alan Grier I wish I could be like a dog, you know. I was looked out of my backyard, and there was my little doggy. She was sleeping about an inch away from a big little cocky dog.

26:30 Drew And Adam actually asked an interesting question, is if the dog's sense of smell is truly a thousand times more powerful than the...

26:36 Caller Why is it sniffing crap all day?

26:38 Adam Why is its face buried in good?

26:39 David Alan Grier Because he doesn't smell crap. He smells pizza.

26:42 Caller He smells lilac.

26:42 Adam That's right.

26:43 David Alan Grier He smelled everything he just ate.

26:45 Adam Like, yeah. So if your sense of smell is a thousand times better, and you put your nose an inch away from fresh doggy Duke, will it smell like a thousand times Duke or rosy pizza?

26:56 David Alan Grier It goes right to what you ate.

26:58 Adam Oh, they're actually smelling what the dog ate.

27:00 David Alan Grier That's what I'm saying. That's a new re-experience.

27:03 David Alan Grier I like that. You're smelling like...

27:05 Adam You're smelling before it went in.

27:06 David Alan Grier You're smelling some cleanser, a little piece of pizza.

27:08 Drew Yeah, but no, that's not good, because then you're smelling dog food.

27:11 Adam Yeah, but to a dog, that's not bad. That's very interesting.

27:16 David Alan Grier That's nuts.

27:17 Adam Steve?

27:18 Caller Hi.

27:19 Adam You're 19. What's up?

27:20 Caller Hi. My question is primarily for Dr. Drew.

27:23 Caller Yeah.

27:27 Caller A few nights ago, some friends of mine and I intentionally overdosed on a cough and cold medicine called Corasidin.

27:34 Drew Intentionally meaning trying to harm yourself?

27:37 Caller No, no, no, no, no. Intentionally because it contains dextromethorphin.

27:41 Drew Why did you pick Corasidin of all things? There's a bunch of other stuff in there too.

27:45 David Alan Grier Did this suddenly turn into Mr. Wizard, Adam?

27:47 Adam Yeah.

27:49 Drew So Steve, what's the question? It's a cold medicine, basically.

27:51 Adam Over-the-counter cold medicine. That's that orange stuff, right?

27:55 David Alan Grier So he just drank a bunch of it, and Corasidin is the altered, like, narcotic-like drug?

27:59 Drew Are you talking about Corasidin tablets?

28:01 Caller Corasidin tablets, called the Corasidin tablets.

28:05 Drew So what's the question?

28:07 Caller Well, I've experimented with some dextromethorphin used before, and I had heard from several people that Corasidin was a different, more intense trip.

28:19 Drew Well, it's got Sudafed in it, if I, at least certainly Corasidin D does, and it's also got a, if I remember right, chloroformyramine, which is an antihistamine, so you're going to...

28:27 Caller Chloroformyramine is what I was concerned about, and that's what my question pertains to.

28:30 Drew Yeah.

28:30 Caller I had read some about the effects of the antihistamine, and um...

28:36 Drew Well, you can get a delirium from that, and then once you've survived it, you're fine. And the pseudo-fetch can raise your blood pressure and cause strokes and heart attacks, but again, once you've survived it, you're okay. The dextromethorphan, the sort of jury is out. It's being called robo-tripping or DXM, and they're actually selling it as ecstasy, because it has a similar kind of an experience associated with it. It's hallucinatory. And hallucinogens seem to, all seem to carry the capacity of some degree of brain damage.

29:05 David Alan Grier But how much do they take?

29:07 Drew How much did you take, Steve?

29:08 Caller I took 13.

29:10 Drew That's a lot.

29:10 David Alan Grier That's nice.

29:11 Adam Why 13?

29:13 Caller Well, that was what I had read was a fair dosage for a third plateau trip.

29:18 David Alan Grier You're wrong. You took 13 because 1 plus 3 is 4.

29:22 David Alan Grier 4 in the whole scheme of things. We're in a four year. A four is a challenge number.

29:27 David Alan Grier When you take four, you're saying, hey, I'm going to meet what I fear the most. So this is like he took his future to burst on through and see where he's going. That's why he took 13.

29:39 Adam Well, could be.

29:40 Drew Speaking of stroke.

29:41 Adam Yeah. Hey, Steve, did you get off? Did you hallucinate?

29:47 Drew Steve?

29:47 Caller Actually, the experience was pretty dysphoric and I slept for months.

29:51 David Alan Grier Dysphoric.

29:52 Adam Listen, why don't you just break down and get some mushrooms?

29:55 David Alan Grier You know what I'm saying? What is up?

29:56 Drew For Samantha Depressant.

29:58 David Alan Grier You know what I do? I slam my head in the door like three times. Oh, nice.

30:02 Drew Yeah, that would be a little less damaging.

30:04 Adam David, what do you like? What do you like? A little nip once in a while, a little booze?

30:07 David Alan Grier Well, I'm glad you brought that up, Adam.

30:09 David Alan Grier I'm back in the Vikes, Dr. Drew.

30:12 Adam I see, old Vicodin.

30:13 David Alan Grier Yo, Vicodin Vikes there. I'm doing a movie in Mexico, and so you know where I'm going. I'm stubbing my toe the first night out.

30:20 David Alan Grier Por favor, doctor, tu tiene de laudan?

30:24 Drew You don't have to call the doctor for that. You can go right down to the pharmacy and just pick it up.

30:28 David Alan Grier Well, let me ask you something. I read an article about Vicodin, and they were saying like, usually the guys that get addicted to it, it's not the Vicodin, it's the acetaminophen or something. Oh, that rips up your liver. Well, that's because you're taking like 50, 50.

30:40 Drew No, no, no. Well, you're addicted to the opiate, which is the hydrocodone, but the acetaminophen is what can hurt you in the product.

30:48 David Alan Grier And I'm just saying, what if you're a little older, generally hang out with the young girls. You pop a few vikes every week or so.

30:53 Drew If you took, if I give you 12, I give you 13 Vicodin now, you'd be dead in two days. But something about the way people escalate their use of Vicodin when they're addicts, seems to give the liver enough time to adjust, to develop the enzymatic machinery, to handle the Tylenol so there's no more toxicity. My average Vicodin addict is taking 50 Vicodin a day. I've treated many, I've taken 100, 120 a day. No liver problems.

31:18 Adam Where do you get your hands on 50 Vicodin a day?

31:21 Drew They usually end up ripping off prescription pads. Well you know what Judy did?

31:24 David Alan Grier Judy, the late great Judy Garland, had minions who would go and fill her prescriptions. She'd go to Dubai.

31:31 Drew Back then I'm sure it was no problem.

31:33 David Alan Grier Absolutely. And you know the incredible thing about her? She died when she was 13 years old. Sang her heart out. Oh yeah.

31:40 Adam She was a trooper in a town.

31:41 David Alan Grier The man that loved me has come out and undone me.

31:48 David Alan Grier Oh, Judy.

31:50 David Alan Grier I didn't know.

31:51 Adam I think Elvis kind of ruined it for all us guys who knew doctors and thought we could get a little candy on the side.

31:57 David Alan Grier Let me ask you something, Dr. Drew. Why do all these pill pop and knuckleheads always die on the toilet? What's going on there?

32:04 Adam Yeah, what's up with that?

32:05 David Alan Grier Judy Garland and Elvis Presley both died.

32:08 Drew On the toilet?

32:08 David Alan Grier Constipated.

32:09 David Alan Grier On the toilet.

32:09 Drew That's not been my experience. But you're taking 50 viking a day. You're spending a little bit of time working on the toilet.

32:13 David Alan Grier Oh, really?

32:14 Adam Constipation?

32:15 Drew Very constipated.

32:16 David Alan Grier Are you talking about the little rabbit pellets that's like giving birth?

32:18 Drew If you're lucky.

32:20 Adam Comes up like shotgun pellets.

32:23 Drew Bowling balls.

32:23 Caller Oh!

32:25 Adam Well, that makes sense. You take a bunch of viking in, you're constipated, you spend half the day on the toilet, you're pushing hard and you get a hemorrhage, right? You get an aneurysm.

32:32 Drew My experience is my addicts don't die on the toilet.

32:34 Adam No, they die when Drew hits them with the bill.

32:39 David Alan Grier Ladies and gentlemen, Adam Corolla.

32:41 David Alan Grier He's going to be doing two shows nightly here at Dingleberry's. Love to love you, Adam.

32:46 Adam I'm very loving you, Dave, thanks. Next up, very funny man, very friendly man. You know from In Living Color, McHale Snabby.

32:54 David Alan Grier Give it up for my main man, David Alan Grier.

33:00 David Alan Grier Cut the music, cut, cut, cut the music. All up in his bush is in the White House.

33:07 David Alan Grier I'd like to get in some bush.

33:09 David Alan Grier But seriously though, you know what?

33:12 David Alan Grier Yeah, that's my time.

33:16 David Alan Grier Jake, hey, what's up?

33:17 Hey, what's up?

33:18 Adam Hey, your name? What's going on?

33:19 Hey, I love y'all.

33:20 Caller You guys are great.

33:22 Actually, I have a couple of questions for David. What's up, man?

33:25 David Alan Grier What you got there?

33:25 Hey, first of all, loved you in Living Color. We used to watch that religiously around here. We still do when we catch it.

33:31 David Alan Grier Now, where are you from?

33:31 I'm from Seattle.

33:32 David Alan Grier Seattle, okay.

33:33 Caller Right on.

33:35 Couple of questions. So you remember that one skit you did where you were like singing Broadway and they put all the chickens on stage with you?

33:41 David Alan Grier Yes, yes.

33:42 Were you pissed off? Because there were a couple of scenes of you in there.

33:45 Caller You looked pretty pissed off.

33:47 David Alan Grier Yeah, I wasn't.

33:48 Drew He's a method actor.

33:49 David Alan Grier I wasn't so pissed off. It's just deeply hurt, my friend.

33:52 Adam Well, he's a serious singer, David is. So I think he may have thought this was going to be a forum for that. And then the chickens came.

33:57 David Alan Grier I tried to back out of it. But whenever we like, when something was really bad, we'd start clucking like chickens there in the rehearsal. So I tried to back out of it and Kenan was like, no, no, no, you have to do it. So I started doing it because they had gotten all these live chickens. They put them on stage and it was horrible. It was a horrible, horrible day. And Kyrian, the Asian fly girl, she comes in after everybody's laughing and laughing. I'm there in my little black leotard. She goes, David, I thought it was good. That's when I put that last bullet in the chamber.

34:25 David Alan Grier I do have one more question.

34:27 So a lot of you have gone on to be stars and stuff like that, you know, big time. And I was wondering, you guys are going to have like a living color reunion?

34:33 David Alan Grier We did. We were honored this year at Aspen at the Aspen Comedy Festival.

34:38 Really?

34:39 David Alan Grier Everybody came, but Jim didn't come, and Jamie. Jamie was doing a movie, and Jim was doing something. He's too big. But yeah, he is too big.

34:47 David Alan Grier So you guys are going to do like a special on TV or anything like that?

34:49 David Alan Grier I don't know. I don't know. It would be fun, but I want to do it before we get like really old. You know, like, you know how they do your show of shows right now? And Carl Reiner is still doing the 2000 year old man, which has yet to be funny.

35:01 Drew Gilligan's Island.

35:02 David Alan Grier Yeah, you don't want to do all that.

35:03 Drew Alan Hale.

35:04 David Alan Grier Yeah. When we're doing high top fade wigs and stuff, you know?

35:08 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

35:09 David Alan Grier You know, we had the flyers.

35:11 David Alan Grier Two snap.

35:12 Drew When you guys were in that show's prime, we had a number of the cast came up here. Those were the graces with their presence. You were not.

35:19 David Alan Grier I wouldn't. I was like, I'm not doing that show. And then I heard Alexander.

35:23 Drew We had the fly girls up here and I was, and pull out a picture of that. Oh yeah. The fly girls. Jennifer Lopez. Jennifer Lopez was one of the fly girls. She's standing next to me. I was like, what the?

35:33 David Alan Grier Jennifer Lopez. Did you ever know? I saw Jennifer Lopez at an Oscar party. I was like, Hey Jen, what's up baby? Then I saw Puff Daddy or P.

35:39 Caller Diddy. I was like, Hey Puff, what's up man?

35:41 David Alan Grier They were all there together standing.

35:43 Drew So Jennifer Lopez was up here as one of the fly girls.

35:44 Caller Nice.

35:45 David Alan Grier Did you ever think like, wow, she's going to lose half that ass and become really big? You didn't think that, did you back then?

35:50 Adam No, I wasn't here, but I didn't think it anyway.

35:53 David Alan Grier Who was here? Who was here? Dr. Drew Pinsky.

35:54 Adam Was it poor man or Ricky?

35:56 Drew Poor man. It was a long while ago.

35:58 David Alan Grier What happened to him?

35:59 Adam Oh, he's on top of the world.

36:01 Caller Great.

36:04 Adam That's what happens to all the guys you saw.

36:06 David Alan Grier I tell you what, if he had boxed you, maybe he'd be a better man.

36:10 Adam That's right.

36:11 David Alan Grier Ah, Adam doesn't mess around.

36:13 Adam No.

36:13 David Alan Grier It's all in terms of boxing. Everything you talk about is like, hey, Adam, what are you doing for the holidays? I'll tell you what, it's all about the abs. You got to squat. You stand on the balls of your feet. When you're in church, when you're shopping.

36:24 Caller This will be your hips.

36:25 David Alan Grier There you go. When you don't turn your head, turn your shoulders. There you go.

36:30 David Alan Grier Pivot.

36:30 Adam Hip rotation.

36:31 David Alan Grier There you go.

36:32 David Alan Grier Fabulous.

36:34 Adam I don't know why I get ridiculed for trying to help.

36:36 David Alan Grier It's good. You're a very good boxing teacher.

36:38 David Alan Grier Am I?

36:39 Adam Be serious.

36:40 David Alan Grier I swear to you, you are. You're better than these knuckleheads I, uh...

36:43 Drew No, you're trying to make him say that.

36:45 David Alan Grier David Alan Grier is saying...

36:46 Adam I would like to hear that, yes.

36:47 David Alan Grier You're a good boxing teacher. Very good. Because we talk about the fights. Now, did you see the De La Hoya fight?

36:54 Drew Yes, yes.

36:54 Adam We'll talk during the break. David Alan Grier here.

36:57 David Alan Grier I'm saying De La Hoya, he hit him, you know. He did what he was supposed to do, but, uh... You know, other dude, man, he's been hit too many times.

37:04 Adam No, got it. Yeah, one big ball of scar tissue. We'll be back after this.

37:14 Caller Hi, this is Dexter. And Noodles. From the Offspring, and you're listening to Love Line with that asshole Adam Corolla and that guy that's full of himself thinks he always knows what he's talking about, Dr. Drew.

37:23 Adam I hate that guy.

37:24 Caller I could do better than that.

37:25 David Alan Grier Can you say asshole?

37:26 Adam No, you cannot say asshole.

37:28 David Alan Grier Why? You can say ass.

37:30 David Alan Grier You know what I hate?

37:31 David Alan Grier I hate these, like this track, is you say a hole.

37:34 Adam Yeah, that's me.

37:36 David Alan Grier F you or no, that's stupid.

37:38 I hate that. I hate that.

37:39 David Alan Grier Just don't say the word. Don't say the word. You know what I mean?

37:42 Adam Yeah, you're right. You know, I got to tell you.

37:44 David Alan Grier I'm so peed off with, you know what, because the hole, the A hole, no.

37:49 Adam C suckers.

37:50 David Alan Grier Yeah, right. Don't make me use the N word.

37:52 Adam Yeah.

37:54 David Alan Grier Anyway, yeah, just say some different words.

37:55 Adam No, well, here's the deal, David. We have to kill 10 hours a week.

38:01 David Alan Grier I know.

38:02 Adam And whereas you got a whole penful of juice to take care of, one half hour a week, we got nobody for 10 hours a week, you see? So we have to use the sea sucker.

38:15 David Alan Grier Let me tell you something, you sad sack life.

38:19 David Alan Grier Come on.

38:20 David Alan Grier Hire some writers. I want to hear it.

38:23 David Alan Grier Dr. Drew's there.

38:24 David Alan Grier He's healing babies. He's getting the sick off of their sickness. That's right. Dr. Drew, when are you going to be on the Recovery Network? That is the greatest sitcom television in the history of the media.

38:37 Drew High energy, isn't it?

38:38 David Alan Grier Oh, my goodness. I come home from tying one on. I turn that Recovery Channel on. No matter how bad my day is, there's someone worse than me.

38:46 Caller Oh, absolutely.

38:47 Adam At least their hair is worse.

38:48 David Alan Grier Oh, my God. It's wonderful.

38:50 Adam Let me ask you seriously, David.

38:52 Caller Yeah, what do you mean?

38:53 Adam Talking about the show and the writing, you're a funny guy. You've done a ton of writing in your day. How much writing do you do on DAG?

39:02 David Alan Grier I can't do it all. I can't do it all. I trust... I work with the writers. I work with the writers.

39:07 Yeah, I do. I do.

39:08 David Alan Grier But you know what? You know, you rehearse all day. I can't write and then do everything. But I do work with the writers. I work with...

39:17 Drew What was the answer we just got here?

39:17 David Alan Grier From the very beginning.

39:19 Adam He does.

39:19 Drew He does.

39:20 David Alan Grier I work with the writers.

39:21 Drew Do you sit down and write segments? Do you write...

39:23 David Alan Grier No, what you do is like this. You do a read-through, a table read.

39:26 Drew So somebody else writes that?

39:28 David Alan Grier No, no, no, no. From the very beginning, from last year in the summertime, in like three months, if we get picked up, you go back with the writers. You start pitching ideas for stories.

39:37 Drew So they work with you to set them up.

39:38 David Alan Grier Right, right. We whittled them down. We just pitch ideas back and forth. Then you go away.

39:43 Drew You come back.

39:43 David Alan Grier Right. You go back. And it's given... I'm given a first draft of a script. Before it even goes to the table, we give notes back and forth.

39:50 Drew Got it.

39:51 David Alan Grier You know, so all along the process, it's there. But then, you know, when you bring in the network, the studio, you have to pick your battles. I mean, it's really...

40:00 Drew I wonder if they could say it was Underpants on NBC.

40:02 David Alan Grier Underpants. Oh my God.

40:04 Adam We... Drew, have you ever sat in on a table read?

40:08 Drew No.

40:08 Adam It's the greatest experience of your life. Anderson, get ready with the laughter card there. Basically, here's how it goes.

40:15 David Alan Grier What's the name of our show?

40:16 Adam It's called Coffee and Donuts. All right.

40:18 David Alan Grier Okay. My name's Dio.

40:20 Adam I'm a white guy.

40:21 David Alan Grier Okay.

40:21 Adam And I'm real uptight.

40:23 David Alan Grier Okay. And I'm the black dude who's jive talking.

40:25 Adam You're jive talking. And we're both cops.

40:29 David Alan Grier Call me T-Bone. My name's T-Bone. My name's T-Bone.

40:31 Adam No, you're Johnny Donetti. You're Johnny Donetti. You're tough street one. It's Chicago cop. Donuts. That's you. And I'm Charles Coffee III. I'm very uptight. All right.

40:42 Drew Come.

40:42 Adam All right. Now, here's the scene. The scene is we're getting ready to go in to our commissioner's room, our captain's room, because he may be upset with us.

40:52 Drew And he just ruined a car. Yeah.

40:53 Adam We just ruined another car.

40:55 David Alan Grier There you go.

40:55 Adam Because you were trying to chase down some thugs and weren't calling for backup.

40:59 Drew He was playing by his own rules.

41:00 David Alan Grier There you go. There you go.

41:01 Adam So here's how the table read goes. I'll start. Coffee, I told you to let me do the driving. You should have looked at the manual. I told you to go by the book.

41:13 David Alan Grier Man, I don't need no manual. You jive turkey. I told you I know how to drive.

41:24 Adam Now, when we get in front of the captain, you keep quiet and let me do the talking. Good, because the last time you opened your big trap, you got us suspended without pay.

41:35 David Alan Grier Yeah, but we had fun, didn't we?

41:42 Adam Well, you may have a point there, Donetti, but I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what. Here's five bucks. Why don't you go over to the vending machine and get me a Snickers bar and a cup of coffee?

41:54 David Alan Grier A Cog Bar and a whole lot of salt.

41:56 Adam No, no, no. I said Snickers bar and a cup of coffee.

41:59 David Alan Grier Hey, no need to get salty.

42:01 David Alan Grier Don't use the N-word in here.

42:04 Adam I said Snickers.

42:05 David Alan Grier Hey, that's it.

42:07 Drew Now, where do the producers and the writers come in? They must ring in constant.

42:11 David Alan Grier They sit around and laugh only at their own jokes.

42:14 David Alan Grier Only at their own jokes.

42:15 Adam They laugh at their own jokes.

42:16 David Alan Grier Yeah, only at their own jokes. It's vicious. There's a lot of anger in there. Dr. Drew, people don't know how hard it is to put a good show on the air.

42:23 Adam No, they do. They turn the TV on and they can tell how hard it is.

42:27 David Alan Grier Look at Friends. They're acting and, you know, Matthew Perry's out again. They're still acting. Oh, yeah.

42:32 Adam He's on the Vicodin.

42:34 David Alan Grier He's hard.

42:34 Adam Blake, what is Matthew Perry on? Is it the Vicodin?

42:37 Drew I don't know.

42:37 Adam Drew, you don't hear anything in the inner circles?

42:40 Drew No, it kind of makes me wonder what is going on there, frankly.

42:42 Adam Oh, you think you would have heard something. He's got a problem.

42:44 David Alan Grier He's dealing with it.

42:45 Adam Blake?

42:46 Drew He doesn't treat me as an addict.

42:47 Adam You're 17. What's up?

42:49 David Alan Grier I'm 16.

42:51 Adam What's up?

42:52 Well, here's my normal. Basically, when I was a freshman in high school, my principal inadvertently told my father that I was gay.

43:00 Drew What do you mean inadvertently?

43:01 Like, she told him, but she didn't do it in a way like to spite me or to get at me. It was just...

43:08 David Alan Grier Right. How would she know?

43:10 Well, because we were, at that point, me and a few of my fellow students were starting a gay straight alliance.

43:17 Drew Well, was she talking about something that she just assumed your father knew about?

43:21 That was basically the situation.

43:23 Drew Was she talking about this gay club you were trying to establish?

43:26 No, she called because...

43:28 Adam Listen, listen.

43:28 David Alan Grier Hey, can the guy, can the kid say something?

43:31 Adam I'm sorry.

43:31 David Alan Grier Let him talk.

43:32 Adam You're right.

43:33 Drew Go ahead.

43:33 Adam David's right.

43:34 Drew Go ahead.

43:34 Thank you, David.

43:35 Caller Okay, sorry about that.

43:36 So, she called because I had gotten suspended for one reason or another, like in a completely unrelated issue.

43:41 Drew One reason or another.

43:42 David Alan Grier Oh, that's it.

43:43 David Alan Grier Drew, let the man talk.

43:45 Adam I'm sorry for Drew. Go ahead, Blink.

43:47 Yeah. So, it was in a completely unrelated reason. And then somehow she brought up because she told my father that I... Because I had screamed out this one kid in class because he made some homophobic comment. And then she told my father that I should keep my mouth shut about those type of issues. And then my father was like, why would he be involved in those type of issues? And she was like, well, because he started Gay Straight Alliance and blah, blah, blah.

44:10 Drew You're gay.

44:11 Adam I see. The Gay Straight Alliance is what tipped your dad off?

44:14 Right.

44:14 Adam Was it the windbreaker he saw at the house or was it just a conversation?

44:19 Drew The paper mache rainbow.

44:22 David Alan Grier All right.

44:22 Adam So you're right.

44:23 David Alan Grier Those are homophobic.

44:24 Adam You're right.

44:25 David Alan Grier And what did you fess up and just tell your dad?

44:27 David Alan Grier Yeah, it's true.

44:28 David Alan Grier I'm gay.

44:29 Well, you know, he well, at that point, my father was like, well, why did he start a Gay Straight Alliance? Is he gay? And then my principal said, my principal said, oh, I thought you knew.

44:37 Adam I see. All right. So the principal ratted you out. And what did your dad have to say about it?

44:42 He was, you know, he's not a very homo, homo, you know, homo-friendly. Yeah.

44:48 Caller It's a good term.

44:49 Adam I think I would think of myself as homo-friendly.

44:51 David Alan Grier He's not a mo lover.

44:52 Drew Well, like Blake, it almost had to happen. And it's OK. You were establishing a network of friends and support groups for yourself and peers like yourself. You were very open about this and very public. I understand you not wanting to deal with your parents if they're sort of closed minded and foolish about these things. But it was kind of inevitable that if you were going to be as public as you were and as active as you were, they would find out. And thank God you had established those clubs to fall back on for yourself.

45:19 David Alan Grier Is your mom, you don't talk about your mom, is she involved at all?

45:24 She's kind of indifferent to these two.

45:27 David Alan Grier Does that anger you or do you not?

45:29 It kind of does in a way. Like she like says, oh, you're just going through a phase and she'll still love me anyway.

45:35 David Alan Grier But well, Adam, you went through a similar phase like.

45:38 Adam Yeah, I went through a straight phrase in the early 80s.

45:41 Drew Did not stick.

45:42 Caller Yeah.

45:45 I kind of like to talk to her, but she can't say the word, okay.

45:49 Drew Well, you listen, both your parents are going to have to come to terms with this in their own way.

45:53 David Alan Grier Well, it's a pipe smoker.

45:55 Drew You stay with friends that have been through this, get support and don't push it with them. They're going to need time to digest it on their own and you're going to have to live your life.

46:04 David Alan Grier All right.

46:06 Adam You figure with you chairing up the gay alliance at school that eventually the cat or penis was going to get out of the bag eventually, right?

46:17 That was kind of funny because there was an article written about the club.

46:20 David Alan Grier Cut them off, he's down here. All right.

46:22 Adam Well, listen, you show me a kid who's starting a gay alliance at a school and I'll show you a kid who wants to let his parents know.

46:30 David Alan Grier He's hanging out at the bus station, you know what I'm saying?

46:32 Adam We're going to take ourselves.

46:35 David Alan Grier Well, hey, I have no issue with those people.

46:41 Adam I love when guys do that, when they're talking about a race or when they're talking about gays or whatever.

46:46 David Alan Grier No means no.

46:47 David Alan Grier That's all I want to say, Dr. Drew.

46:49 Adam I love it when they do it, the big fat white guy goes like, I don't have a problem with those people as long as they act within the laws of the community. But when those people-

46:59 David Alan Grier Come on, slavery is over.

47:01 David Alan Grier Forget about it already with the black stuff.

47:04 Adam David Alan Grier is our guest and I'm going to take a little break. We'll be back.

47:22 David Alan Grier All right, hold on. Loveline, everybody. We're back.

47:25 David Alan Grier Once or twice a month with your little girlfriend, get your freak on.

47:28 Drew Enjoy, enjoy.

47:29 David Alan Grier No, I mean, really.

47:30 David Alan Grier What?

47:31 David Alan Grier Can't you do? I'm not me, because you know what I'm saying?

47:33 Drew We had this whole discussion about this on Sunday.

47:34 David Alan Grier No, but I'm saying, can't you do some XC every now and then? You know, freak it real hard.

47:39 Drew You can, you can do whatever you want, but I wouldn't. I think to me, it's just Russian roulette.

47:42 Adam Little X once in a while.

47:43 David Alan Grier Really? I'm saying, well, what does Dr. Drew do to get his buzz on? What do you do? A couple of beers?

47:50 Drew Fine, but I don't like.

47:52 David Alan Grier But do you shoot it like Martin and crew in them?

47:56 Adam He does what's called a Merlot bong. He puts a whole 750 milliliter.

48:00 David Alan Grier I did, boys. Let me ask you something. They call it the 151 butt chase. I did a hot rum enema. Oh boy. Talk about a ring of fire.

48:11 Drew Hot butter rum.

48:12 David Alan Grier Oh my goodness. It goes right through your bloodstream there, Dr. Drew.

48:16 Adam That's David Alan Grier, everybody.

48:18 David Alan Grier I brought my rig with me in case you boys want to partake. We got a little dram buoy and some other stuff here.

48:27 David Alan Grier Kaluah.

48:28 Drew Oh man.

48:29 David Alan Grier The old poopy poopy shooter.

48:30 Drew Maybe this is how they get the felching cocktail.

48:34 David Alan Grier I'm free.

48:36 David Alan Grier Maybe the felching cocktail really got Kaluah.

48:39 Drew Maybe that's how they managed to suck that down.

48:41 Adam I've heard if you take butterscotch schnapps and cream liquorice and do it rectally, that not only can you get a high from it, but that's your partner who sucks it in. It's VF3.

48:57 David Alan Grier Yeah?

49:01 David Alan Grier I'm sorry David.

49:02 David Alan Grier Are you all right?

49:07 Adam I hear once it's ingested from the rectum that you can get a high.

49:15 Drew It's a very special high.

49:16 Adam A special high. But again, there's the fecal matter. This is trace elements of fecal matter that is involved with the tramboy.

49:24 Caller I'm leaving right now.

49:26 Adam I'm sorry David, you okay? David Allen Grier.

49:34 David Alan Grier Shout out to Ron DMC. Saw them brothers last night ripping it up, man. Ripping it up.

49:41 Adam Where are they playing? Your living room?

49:43 David Alan Grier At Deep.

49:44 David Alan Grier They were at Deep. They got a new album. It did kind of get a lull in it when they started playing the new cuts, but old stuff was live. After hit, they were nice. Ron DMC.

49:53 Adam David Allen Grier, Tuesday Nights, 8.30, NBC, DAG, and then this Saturday, the Times Grand Prix in Long Beach. Dr. Drew, stop that, please. Now, you've done it three times or this will be your third time?

50:15 David Alan Grier This is going to be my third time. Nobody knows.

50:17 Adam What place did you come in the first and second time?

50:19 David Alan Grier Always middle of the pack, always middle of the pack, never crash.

50:22 Adam You ever get beat by chicks?

50:24 David Alan Grier Yes. Dara Torres is one of the Olympic athletes. First of all, whenever you have Olympic athletes competing, they have a whole different head.

50:32 Adam They put their game face on.

50:34 David Alan Grier Yeah, no, but I'm telling you, they look at it and they figured out immediately. So the rest of us are like, you know, when all the cars come around me, I'm like, I get all punked out. I'm like, you go ahead, go ahead, I'm going to get on.

50:45 David Alan Grier To be fair, he's close, he's going to hit me.

50:47 Adam To be fair, you're pretty coked up the first and second time you did it.

50:51 David Alan Grier I was coked up. I was all sweaty and twitchy and stuff, you know?

50:55 Adam So, you know, that adds to it.

50:57 David Alan Grier You know what really hurt me? The first time I visited Dr. Drew in a professional manner, he said, you're no junkie. Now get out of here and get high and come back when you got a real problem.

51:05 Adam He did that to me too.

51:06 Drew Except I said first you had to have an old rectal bleed.

51:09 Wow, wow.

51:10 Drew Did I?

51:11 Caller Yeah.

51:12 David Alan Grier The rectal tear. You know what my favorite show is?

51:18 David Alan Grier Trauma.

51:19 David Alan Grier Life in the ER, TLC, baby.

51:22 David Alan Grier Oh, it's great.

51:23 David Alan Grier Oh, it's fabulous.

51:24 Adam There's nothing better, especially when you're eating, to see some 27-year-old landscaper from Guadalajara who has a sprinkler key through the side of his head.

51:33 David Alan Grier Oh, it is. They shot this kid in between his eyes. He walked out of the hospital three days later.

51:40 Drew We shot him like a bullet.

51:41 David Alan Grier A bullet. It stuck in the skull.

51:43 Drew I had a couple of those too. We used to call it the law of inverse worth. You know, the little old ladies with the ten grandkids sitting in the bus stop gets hit by a rock that ricochets off the cartas. She is dead instantly. The gang banger who has killed 12 people gets a close range gunshot wound, goes through an unimportant bar and walks out.

52:06 Adam By the way, you can't be feeling too good about your intelligence when you actually take a bullet in the brain and it has no visible effect on you.

52:15 David Alan Grier They showed this one guy, they cut the kid's head open, they cut out some brain because it starts swelling, stuffed it back in there like an old sock, stapled them together. He was watching Jerry Springer a week later.

52:27 Adam He did better on his SATs the next week than he did before the bullet. Yeah, like I said, it's a dubious honor to get shot in the head and not really have it take too much away from your game.

52:40 David Alan Grier Hey boys, can I tell you something, how jazzed I feel to be here? This is crazy.

52:45 David Alan Grier This is nutty, man.

52:48 David Alan Grier Let's save some lives.

52:50 Adam Alright, let's do it. Jim?

52:52 Caller Yeah?

52:52 Adam You're 17.

52:54 David Alan Grier Yeah.

52:54 Adam We're going to save your life.

52:55 David Alan Grier What's up, baby?

52:57 Caller What's up?

52:59 Caller I got a question. Yeah? Sometimes when, or actually a lot of times when I masturbate, I fantasize about having sex with my sister.

53:07 David Alan Grier Alright, I'm going to wait in the car.

53:08 Caller I can't.

53:10 Adam I don't necessarily believe Jim.

53:12 Drew Well, have you been with your sister ever?

53:14 Caller No. Well, actually, when I was a little kid, we used to take naps together, and sort of when she was sleeping, I used to just explore. It was never anything really heavy or anything.

53:27 David Alan Grier Isn't that just some of it? When is it normal childhood sexual exploration?

53:34 Drew It's not.

53:34 Adam That stops at 34.

53:36 Drew It's also really never normal with a sibling. That suggests some boundary issues. Really?

53:41 David Alan Grier So, you're saying it's never normal?

53:43 Drew The brain is an interesting instrument.

53:44 Adam I hope your sister's not listening.

53:46 Drew You get these arousing experiences as a child and they become etched in and they hit puberty, those become sexual.

53:54 David Alan Grier Yeah, I'll tell you right now, I can guarantee you, my mother could never arouse me.

53:58 Adam No, not like your sister.

54:01 David Alan Grier Now you're saying, not like an aunt or, you know.

54:03 Adam Right, right. Someone is a little bit distant.

54:05 David Alan Grier He knows what they're doing.

54:06 Adam Jim, you ever want to act on this with your sister?

54:12 Caller Not when I see her, but when I see her I'm weird around her.

54:15 Drew Alright, well realize that this is from these experiences you had when you were younger and it's not a healthy situation and by all means, do not act on these impulses. Don't feel guilty or bad about it. They're normal for what you've been through, but what you've been through wasn't normal.

54:29 Adam See if you can nail someone else's sister, that's my game plan.

54:32 Drew You need a girlfriend, I think that will take some of this away.

54:34 Adam Chris, outside of the family, you're saying, right? Yeah, absolutely.

54:38 David Alan Grier Hey guys, can I look at your little magic screen?

54:41 Adam You're always shutting me out every time I come in here. No, go ahead, go ahead. Sorry, David. Chris, you're...

54:46 David Alan Grier You know what I'm saying? It says Chrissy, not Chris.

54:48 Adam No, it's not fair. Chris?

54:50 David Alan Grier C.

54:51 Adam You're 20. What's up?

54:53 Drew That's you, yeah.

54:55 Adam Yeah.

54:55 Caller Yeah, I just want to say hi to everyone there, to Dr. Drew and to Adam.

54:59 Caller Hey.

54:59 Caller And to David.

55:01 Drew Thank you.

55:01 Caller I've seen every In Living Color show and I just think you're really great in everything.

55:06 David Alan Grier Oh, yeah.

55:06 Adam He was a talent.

55:07 David Alan Grier Now, this is a very important question. Chris, do you have a question for us?

55:14 Caller Yeah. The other day recently, I tried, I guess, what's called GHB. And it just did a lot of weird things to me. And I just want to know what it is, what it does and things like that.

55:27 Drew It's gamma-hydroxybutyrate. It's a precursor of a chemical called GABA, which is a down-regulating chemical in the brain.

55:33 Adam And it is beautiful.

55:34 Drew And it's basically like alcohol in terms of how it sedates you. It's highly addictive in certain individuals. And we don't know what really what the risk factors are for the addicts, but I've treated a number of GHB addicts.

55:47 Adam Is this, you used to be able to get this from the health food store? Yeah. You can't get it anymore, right?

55:52 Drew No. The addiction is really messed up. These people are very...

55:56 Caller And I heard it's also like a growth hormone, too. You can take it to give them energy.

56:00 Drew Yeah. Well, there's not so much for energy except for those people that experience euphoria from it, which again, has a biological subset. But it does increase growth hormone levels a little bit. And so athletes tend to use it. And Major League Baseball has got a problem with this drug.

56:13 Adam Yeah.

56:13 David Alan Grier But you see a lot of kids in clubs when you have alcohol mixed in with it. And they're just, they call it puddling, man.

56:22 Drew And part of the problem with GHB is that there's such a narrow margin between intoxication and seizure and death.

56:28 Adam Yeah.

56:28 Drew So you can't be very clear about it.

56:29 David Alan Grier Now is GHB the rape drug?

56:32 Drew I bet most of the time, well, Rohypnol is the one that has been traditionally associated with that, but GHB has become one of those.

56:38 Adam Yeah. Rufies was originally marketed by Pfizer as the rape drug, right?

56:42 Drew Yeah.

56:43 Adam You saw the campaign.

56:44 David Alan Grier I was in that.

56:45 Adam Oh, yeah. I thought I saw you in that. That's right.

56:48 David Alan Grier Give me some tonight.

56:50 David Alan Grier Where's my Rufies?

56:53 Adam All right. What's David Alan Grier used to get laid?

56:56 David Alan Grier Rufies, baby.

56:57 David Alan Grier Plop, plop.

56:58 David Alan Grier Fizz, fizz.

56:59 David Alan Grier Oh, what a relief it is.

57:02 Adam Is it a star status? How about his fat checking account?

57:08 David Alan Grier Nope.

57:09 David Alan Grier Is it a sweet talking come online? Give me some.

57:12 Adam Nope. It is Rufies.

57:16 David Alan Grier Yup.

57:16 Drew Thank you, Rufies.

57:17 Adam Thank you.

57:18 David Alan Grier Oh, Dr. Drew was improving. That's beautiful, man. You are listening up.

57:23 Adam Chrissy.

57:23 David Alan Grier Dr. Drew, give me a home number, man. Don't give me that 976 stuff either, man.

57:27 Drew I'll give you a home number.

57:27 David Alan Grier That's cool, man. We're going to hang out.

57:29 Adam Yeah. He's had my home number for four years, hasn't called.

57:32 Drew You don't call back.

57:33 David Alan Grier That's true.

57:34 David Alan Grier He calls me back.

57:35 David Alan Grier I call. You're like some gay stalker.

57:37 David Alan Grier Now listen, I want to see you.

57:40 David Alan Grier I'm sorry.

57:41 David Alan Grier I don't want to follow you.

57:45 Caller Listen, this is David Avalier.

57:47 Caller Let's go and get some levity in our little voicemail message.

57:51 Caller That's to cut your ass and breathe. My friend, I'm going to be quite a black brother. So I'm ready to put your monkey as near 2001. So bring your little midi mitts and we're going to beat you down. Now, look at you, buddy, love. One quick note. I thought you were going to tie me up with that bag, man. See how you do?

58:14 See how you do?

58:16 Caller I'm embarrassed. All right.

58:18 David Alan Grier Listen, I'm a great hologram.

58:21 Adam You call David, you get a message machine, and he calls you back high with some kind of long, rambling, crapping message.

58:29 David Alan Grier You know, it's really bad because I remember I hung up the phone. I got really scared.

58:33 David Alan Grier Oh, what did I just do?

58:35 David Alan Grier Oh, boy, I did something bad.

58:36 Drew For those of you who think David is putting this on, this was an act. This is a real life persona.

58:41 David Alan Grier That's what the GHB really does to you.

58:43 Drew Yeah, no kidding.

58:44 David Alan Grier Yeah, I forgot about it.

58:45 Caller Okay, so Dr. Drew, let me ask you a question.

58:47 Drew What was that? Jamaica?

58:48 Caller What did you call them?

58:49 David Alan Grier I was like, in my car or something. No, but Dr. Drew, what I'm telling you is like, say, you know, you just party a little bit.

58:54 Drew He wants to change the subject, yeah.

58:55 David Alan Grier You know, you do a little GHB, get your groove on, like, yeah, once or twice a month. Is that going to kill you?

59:01 Drew No, it could kill you, but it's probably not going to if you don't overdose on it.

59:04 David Alan Grier And you don't drink alcohol.

59:06 Adam Yeah, that's you. You're a big star. Nothing can bring you down, but. All right, let's talk to Chrissy.

59:12 David Alan Grier You know, that's illegal what you just did playing my message. I'm sorry. Chrissy, what's up?

59:18 Hi.

59:18 David Alan Grier How are you doing? What's up, man?

59:21 Adam You're 23. What's going on?

59:24 Caller Well, I've been having some problems with my boyfriend. He's 27. And he, okay, he doesn't like to go out with me. He always comes up with little excuses about that. He doesn't want to go out or.

59:37 Drew Has he always been that way?

59:39 Caller Uh-huh.

59:39 Drew Has he always been that way?

59:40 Caller No, he hasn't always been this way.

59:42 Drew Something new.

59:44 Caller He's only been this way for the past two or three months.

59:48 Drew Okay.

59:48 Adam How long have you been with him?

59:50 Caller For almost two years.

59:51 Drew Two years.

59:52 David Alan Grier Oh boy.

59:53 Drew You're not living together are you?

59:54 Caller No. I think if we were we'd probably kill each other.

59:59 Drew Not a good sign.

1:00:01 Caller No, but other than that we get along pretty good, but he likes to go out with his buddies.

1:00:05 Drew Yeah.

1:00:05 Caller These two guys, they go out clubbing, drinking, to raves and everything. I only know of him going to one rave and this is the past Friday night. But anyhow, the major problem is he always says, I turn him on too much. Okay. Which I always thought that was a good thing. But we only have sex once a week. Yeah. It's like we have sex, the week goes by, during the week, I ask him for it and he comes up with excuses, I'm tired or-

1:00:35 David Alan Grier How long has that been going on?

1:00:36 Caller For about two or three months.

1:00:39 David Alan Grier Before that, how often was he tapping that booty girl?

1:00:43 Caller Practically every day.

1:00:45 Caller Something's wrong here.

1:00:46 David Alan Grier Yeah, yeah, something's wrong.

1:00:48 Caller Okay, before he ever had a problem with me giving him hickies, but now he does.

1:00:53 David Alan Grier Yeah, but you know what?

1:00:55 Adam He's 27, you're 23.

1:00:56 David Alan Grier How old is he, 27?

1:00:57 David Alan Grier Yeah, nobody wants no hickies baby. I don't want hickies either man, that's nasty.

1:01:04 Adam But you're giving him hickies to kind of mark him because he's heading out.

1:01:07 Caller Yeah.

1:01:08 David Alan Grier Have you ever tried to Sharpie, like just scribble on his winky? No, never mind.

1:01:16 Adam Chrissy.

1:01:17 David Alan Grier No more hickies, I'm on his side. But do you have any physical evidence that he is cheating? Anybody seen him with another girl, anything like that?

1:01:26 Caller Well, I do know of last year, his brother had told me he was trying to see this one girl.

1:01:33 Drew Why are you putting up with all his parents?

1:01:34 Adam Why does his brother tell you that, by the way?

1:01:36 Drew This all sounds miserable. Why are you putting up with all his parents?

1:01:38 Adam He sounds like an idiot and you sound kind of dumb too. I mean, you guys should be separated before you have some retarded kids.

1:01:45 David Alan Grier It's true. How many kids you guys got together?

1:01:47 Caller We don't have any.

1:01:49 Drew Wow.

1:01:51 Adam Are you sterile, Chrissy, or what's up?

1:01:53 Caller No, I have two kids now. Well, I might be pregnant, but not quite sure.

1:01:58 Adam David said two kids. And you may be pregnant with a third?

1:02:02 Caller Yeah.

1:02:02 David Alan Grier And they're not his?

1:02:04 Caller No, the first two are not his.

1:02:06 Adam All right. What's wrong with you, goofball?

1:02:09 Caller I don't know.

1:02:09 Adam I mean, aren't you supposed to slide into mama mode at some point?

1:02:12 David Alan Grier She sounds so cute, too. You're 23. How old are your kids? 12 and what?

1:02:16 Adam 14.

1:02:17 Caller No, five and almost a year.

1:02:20 Adam And where's daddy?

1:02:24 Caller We broke up.

1:02:24 Drew Didn't you say you'd been with your present boyfriend for two years?

1:02:27 Caller Yeah.

1:02:28 Drew Your child's one year old?

1:02:30 Caller Well, he's almost one. He'll be one in a couple more weeks.

1:02:32 Adam I know, but we're doing the math. It ain't his kid.

1:02:34 Caller Okay, okay. Well, after I got pregnant with my second one, me and their father broke up. He didn't want any more kids.

1:02:41 Adam We got that point, but how were you with this guy for two years?

1:02:47 David Alan Grier You see, I told you to hang out with my father, let's go.

1:02:49 Adam The math ain't working out.

1:02:51 Caller Well, it's not quite two years, but...

1:02:54 Drew You must have been very pregnant when you met him.

1:02:56 Caller I was three and a half, almost four months pregnant.

1:02:59 David Alan Grier Did you tell him that you were pregnant when you met him?

1:03:02 Caller Yeah.

1:03:03 Adam All right. Hey, Chrissy. This guy's a little chaotic. He's 27. He's going to raves at 27.

1:03:11 Caller Yeah, he goes out with two guys.

1:03:13 Adam He's hanging around with two guys with them, with those hair. They got those haircuts where they're shaved on the side. They got ponytails.

1:03:20 Caller Um, no, they don't have any ponytails.

1:03:23 Adam What kind of hair are they sporting? Shaved on the side?

1:03:26 Caller Shaved on the side, kind of like, um, yeah, I can get that when I want it.

1:03:30 Adam These guys are idiots.

1:03:32 David Alan Grier Yeah, but they really are.

1:03:33 Drew But this is the father of the current child.

1:03:35 Adam And honey, you think you're pregnant again?

1:03:37 Caller Yeah.

1:03:38 Adam Can't you? Why don't you want some birth control? Who's taking care of those kids? Where's the money coming from?

1:03:44 Caller Well, I work and then their father gives me child support.

1:03:47 David Alan Grier Okay, but how can you work?

1:03:49 David Alan Grier That would kill my sexual desire. Two, three kids, crime crashes running all in the room.

1:03:55 Drew Does he know you might be pregnant?

1:03:56 Caller Yeah.

1:03:57 Drew He knows that.

1:03:58 David Alan Grier And how long ago did you tell him you might be pregnant? Two or three months ago?

1:04:03 No, just a couple weeks ago.

1:04:05 Adam All right. Can you give this kid up for adoption or let it be raised by badgers or something so it has a chance? Listen, goofball, you're destroying the country.

1:04:16 David Alan Grier That's true.

1:04:16 Adam No more of this.

1:04:17 David Alan Grier Did you vote for Bush?

1:04:20 Adam Who's going to pay for these kids? Who's going to take care of these kids? You're out working all day.

1:04:24 David Alan Grier She's taking care of them.

1:04:27 Adam All right. Are they boys or girls?

1:04:30 Caller The oldest is a girl and the youngest is a boy.

1:04:32 Adam All right. You keep him out of prison. You keep her out of the strip clubs.

1:04:35 David Alan Grier All right.

1:04:36 Adam All right. And listen, I don't trust this guy and I don't trust you because you picked this guy.

1:04:41 David Alan Grier I have to.

1:04:42 David Alan Grier I'm going to go out on a limb here, Chrissy. I don't care if you have a whole five or six kids. You sound cute as a button, honey. Have a wonderful life, baby doll.

1:04:51 Adam Very positive messages.

1:04:52 David Alan Grier You should have a radio show.

1:04:53 David Alan Grier Don't get pregnant again, I swear I put them all in a big station wagon.

1:04:58 David Alan Grier Oh my God. That's true, kids.

1:05:02 Adam You know what drives me insane? How come we don't come down as a country more on this? I was just thinking-

1:05:09 David Alan Grier It's too late. First of all, it's too late. Once the kids are here-

1:05:12 Drew Yeah, but if we created forces that didn't allow people to fall into this.

1:05:16 David Alan Grier Well, I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why we don't. Because we don't treat sex intelligently. First of all, the whole subject of sex is not treated. Intelligence should be open conversation, education and all facets of life.

1:05:30 Adam But as a society, shouldn't we be mad at uneducated, unmarried people that are having three, four, five kids?

1:05:38 David Alan Grier You should, but you're saying who's going to pay for it? Welfare accounts for less than one percent of our budget. The military, that's over 30 percent.

1:05:44 Adam No problem with that.

1:05:45 David Alan Grier Okay, so if you want to get mad, get mad at Bush for when he's about to bomb China, which they need to do because they took our people on that plane.

1:05:58 Adam Listen, I don't know, a few months back, they had this big reunion at the House of Blues for all the children of Muddy Man, Scathole. It was like some blues singer. Who's that blues singer that had a hundred kids?

1:06:15 David Alan Grier Oh, my God.

1:06:15 Adam What's his name? He had a name like the Falcon or something. He had like 96 kids or something like that. They had like a big reunion at the House of Blues for this guy. The thing was, he died a couple of years, year and a half ago, and they had something on the Internet like, do you think you may be one of his kids? I can't think of the name of this old blues singer.

1:06:39 David Alan Grier But the fascinating story, the point is, which brings up something else, you know, they had a win.

1:06:42 Adam Nobody had a problem with this guy having 95 kids.

1:06:46 David Alan Grier That's insane.

1:06:47 Adam I mean, he literally had between 90 and 100 kids.

1:06:50 David Alan Grier I'm so frightened to have one kid. I just don't want to be there loaded, you know, going, why's daddy got a gun to his head?

1:06:57 David Alan Grier Because society hates me, son.

1:07:00 David Alan Grier Daddy's not laughing on the inside. I don't want it to end like that.

1:07:05 Adam No, it won't.

1:07:06 David Alan Grier And sooner.

1:07:07 Adam It'll end sooner than that.

1:07:08 David Alan Grier Thanks a lot.

1:07:08 Adam Bob?

1:07:09 Yeah?

1:07:09 Adam You're 23.

1:07:10 Caller Yeah, David, I gotta say, I listened to that other show where you did the whole vomiting thing for like half an hour straight. I had to turn off the radio. That was just hilarious. Thank you.

1:07:20 Adam That's the highest compliment.

1:07:22 David Alan Grier I'm so proud. I took that tape home and I played it for my girlfriend.

1:07:26 Caller That was amazing.

1:07:27 David Alan Grier Absolutely. I said I did the funniest in the world.

1:07:29 Caller Adam, you're my hero.

1:07:31 Adam Thank you.

1:07:31 Caller I love you. I'm a long time listener, first time caller.

1:07:34 Adam Great.

1:07:35 Caller Dr. Drew, a lot of respect for what you do.

1:07:38 Adam Whatever that is.

1:07:39 David Alan Grier What's up?

1:07:40 Caller I had a question. Dr. Drew, you're probably going to be able to answer this one.

1:07:43 Drew I'm not really right on his scale. I'm not sure if I'm going to answer.

1:07:48 Caller I was wondering, I just started working out and from what I understand in biology, having a higher level of testosterone means your workouts are more effective, you gain muscle quicker. My question was if you have a lot of sex or masturbate a lot, does that increase or decrease the amount of testosterone in your system?

1:08:06 Drew It increases it to a point, but there's sort of a J shape to the curve. In other words, if you're having no sex, your testosterone levels drop down. If you're having moderate and what that is for a given individual can vary, it will raise the testosterone levels, but if you're sort of excessively masturbating or having sex, they'll start to drop down again.

1:08:24 Adam Because you're depleting your body?

1:08:26 Drew Your body just- Affluents. Yeah, your body is trying to get you to stop.

1:08:28 Adam Is there a difference between having sex and masturbating?

1:08:33 Drew Probably, but not-

1:08:34 Adam In terms of your body?

1:08:36 Drew There's probably some differences.

1:08:38 David Alan Grier Would you- This is nice. So does your body know that it's just a hand?

1:08:43 Drew I think the biology of sexual encounters is different.

1:08:46 Adam I think your belly and hamper know, but I'm not sure.

1:08:49 Drew You're very happy with this.

1:08:50 Caller They're experts.

1:08:51 David Alan Grier Can we segue off into the HGH, Human Growth Hormone? Yeah. Now, is it true that- or that that can like- like once you start taking human growth hormone or like- what is it?

1:09:05 David Alan Grier The gel? Like the testosterone gel?

1:09:09 David Alan Grier Your body stops producing its own testosterone?

1:09:11 Drew Yes. Like the guys use anabolic steroids to shut their testes down, testes shrink.

1:09:16 Adam Because your body doesn't need to manufacture it?

1:09:19 David Alan Grier That is it. Thank you so much.

1:09:22 Caller I found out.

1:09:23 Adam Now you know what's going on with your penis?

1:09:25 Caller Yeah, I got an ulcer of a lot.

1:09:26 Drew If you shave your pubic hair, it'll look bigger though, so.

1:09:30 Adam There's dad on there. All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break. David Alan Grier is our guest tonight.

1:09:36 David Alan Grier I tell you, the time flies by when you're vomiting.

1:09:42 Adam We'll be back after this.

1:09:51 David Alan Grier Alright, the Love Line.

1:09:53 Adam I'm Adam Carolla, and it's actually Drew over at...

1:09:56 David Alan Grier I'm David Alan Grier, special guest here in Loveline with my friend Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:10:01 Adam 8.30 everyone, NBC, Tuesday nights.

1:10:04 Caller DAG, DAG, DAG.

1:10:08 Adam Also, David will maybe be coming to a town near you.

1:10:11 David Alan Grier It's true.

1:10:12 Adam Doing a little comedy.

1:10:13 David Alan Grier Doing my little thing this summer, baby. Doing my, making my strike money. Is there going to be a strike?

1:10:18 Adam Yeah. Yeah, there's going to be a strike.

1:10:21 David Alan Grier Do you think Dr. Drew?

1:10:22 Drew Yep.

1:10:22 David Alan Grier Really?

1:10:24 Adam Drew doesn't know anything about almost anything.

1:10:25 Drew I hear people talk about it as though it's just, it's absolutely going to happen.

1:10:28 Adam Yeah, that's what everyone says.

1:10:30 Caller I hope not.

1:10:31 Adam Yeah. For people listening, I don't know what we're talking about. There's going to be a big strike with the actors and the writers and all that good stuff.

1:10:37 David Alan Grier Who's Brian Herda?

1:10:39 Adam Brian Herda is a race car driver who's going to be in here tomorrow night.

1:10:42 Drew You don't know about that?

1:10:45 Adam You'll see Brian racing in the Grand Prix on Sunday.

1:10:49 David Alan Grier I certainly will.

1:10:50 Adam But you won't be there. Now I'm going.

1:10:55 David Alan Grier Really?

1:10:55 Adam Yeah.

1:10:56 David Alan Grier I got pit passes, baby.

1:10:57 Adam Yeah.

1:10:58 David Alan Grier You want some tickets?

1:10:59 Adam I'll get them from Brian Herda on tomorrow night. I could get them from you, though. No, it's cool. I mean, we could go down there together. I mean, we're a team.

1:11:08 Drew I'd love to go.

1:11:09 Adam Drew ain't going anywhere.

1:11:11 David Alan Grier Honey, kids, get off the racetrack!

1:11:13 Oh my... Oh, Lord!

1:11:15 Caller Oh!

1:11:16 David Alan Grier Can somebody get him out there?

1:11:18 Adam Drew can't even go number two unless his wife signs off on it. He really can't. There's no way in hell you're going to...

1:11:24 David Alan Grier A little ball buster?

1:11:25 Adam A little ball buster.

1:11:26 Caller Oh boy.

1:11:27 Drew Why, we work on stuff together.

1:11:29 Caller Yeah, right.

1:11:29 Drew I want her to sign off on stuff.

1:11:30 Adam Yeah, work on bussing your balls together.

1:11:33 Caller Ha ha!

1:11:34 Adam Family affair. Kimberly?

1:11:36 Caller Yeah.

1:11:36 Adam You're 21, what's up?

1:11:38 Caller Yes, whenever...

1:11:41 Caller I can't seem to be able to make friends with females. Like, the only friends I really have are like, when I have a boyfriend, I'll make friends with those girls and then when I break up with him, you know, like the relationship with those girls will kind of disappear.

1:11:53 Adam Yeah, you're one of those chicks who doesn't like other chicks.

1:11:56 Caller Yeah, I don't know what's up with that. I like to have...

1:11:58 Adam They don't like you either.

1:11:59 David Alan Grier Do you trust women?

1:12:01 Caller Pardon?

1:12:02 David Alan Grier Do you trust women?

1:12:03 Caller See, I don't know about that, because like, I had a friend and then I got mad at her because, like, she was like, not taking advantage, but like, forgetting about me or whatever.

1:12:17 Drew What does that mean?

1:12:18 Adam That she was going to forgetting about you?

1:12:19 David Alan Grier Well, you know, like...

1:12:21 Adam Nicolacking you.

1:12:22 Caller Nicolacking, that's the word. Nicolacking me, like, you know, oh, her boyfriend asked me, oh, can you drive us to the movie theater?

1:12:27 Adam Chicks are very competitive with each other.

1:12:29 Drew Yeah, but they, their expectations are like...

1:12:32 David Alan Grier Hey, I know how to do. Have you ever got it on with another girl?

1:12:36 Caller No.

1:12:36 David Alan Grier Try it, Bunny.

1:12:37 Caller I had a friend, I had another friend who was...

1:12:39 David Alan Grier Play, get the boobies out...

1:12:40 Caller .was female and it turned out that she actually was lesbian.

1:12:44 Drew Yeah.

1:12:45 Caller And then that was like, you know, like...

1:12:46 Drew Well, you need, you need female friends and you need guy friends and you've got to find a way...

1:12:51 David Alan Grier And you need to get one of those chicks in the sack.

1:12:52 Drew You've got to find a way to open up in a trusting way to your, some female friends and make better choices with whom you're going to befriend and realize something's up with your relationship with your mom. Something that's good.

1:13:03 Caller Oh, really?

1:13:04 Caller What is that? I mean, like, I think my mom and I are hype, I guess.

1:13:07 Caller Really?

1:13:07 Adam But she's a woman.

1:13:08 Caller Yeah, I mean...

1:13:09 David Alan Grier And who are you kidding?

1:13:11 Caller I'm like the one my mom confides in. I mean, about all the five of us kids, like, she like...

1:13:16 Drew Yeah, but you may not like that. She may parentalize you.

1:13:19 Adam She tells them all that, by the way.

1:13:21 Drew And you're the special one. Yeah, but she may just be making you be there for her rather than she be there for you.

1:13:26 Caller I think she's doing that. And I tell her, like, I don't want to hear about her problems and stuff.

1:13:29 Drew Yeah, that's abusive, in fact, for mom to do that. Those are her problems, not yours. You're not her friend.

1:13:36 David Alan Grier Hold on, Adam.

1:13:37 Caller Yeah, I feel like the pain between her and my dad because they don't have a good relationship.

1:13:40 Drew Well, you're not buddies.

1:13:41 David Alan Grier Does she ever say stuff like, you know, your dad wants a piece and momma's tired, get in there?

1:13:46 Caller Oh, no, because they're just living together because they have five kids.

1:13:49 David Alan Grier Well, that's good because that would be abuse, too, right, Dr. Drew? Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

1:13:53 Adam Yeah, you don't have to be a doctor to know that's abuse.

1:13:55 Caller And sometimes when I make friends, I mean, sometimes when I try to make friends with girls, I feel like I'm hitting on them.

1:14:01 David Alan Grier Because you have unresolved Lesbo issues. Get the boobies out, get the boobies out, play with them.

1:14:06 Drew I agree.

1:14:07 Adam Boobies out.

1:14:07 Drew It's probably that you're so desperate to be close to someone that...

1:14:11 Adam You come across a little desperate.

1:14:13 David Alan Grier What do you like with your boyfriends there, honey? You got a little stalker in you?

1:14:16 Adam Do you? You got a little nutty on your boyfriends, Kimberly?

1:14:19 David Alan Grier Hiding in the bushes?

1:14:20 Caller I guess I might, you know.

1:14:21 David Alan Grier Oh, that's beautiful.

1:14:23 Caller Like, oh...

1:14:23 Adam Oh, that's great.

1:14:24 Caller I don't know what you mean, but...

1:14:26 David Alan Grier Ah, I love the psycho girls out.

1:14:27 Adam Yeah, makes you feel special.

1:14:29 David Alan Grier They're pistols in the sack, my friend.

1:14:31 Drew Love them.

1:14:32 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:14:32 David Alan Grier You don't want to take them to church, because they'll cause a ruckus.

1:14:35 Caller Oh, yeah, I don't have a ruckus.

1:14:36 Drew A ruckus.

1:14:38 Adam Yeah, they'll start taking in tongues.

1:14:40 Drew You want to tell us a story, David?

1:14:41 David Alan Grier Aping and clowning. I like the kooky girls though, I do.

1:14:44 Drew Is there a story?

1:14:45 Caller So, how do I, what should I do to, like, try to, you know, make...

1:14:50 Drew You date comedians, female comedians?

1:14:51 David Alan Grier Oh, never. Kimberly.

1:14:53 Drew Not that kooky.

1:14:54 Adam Just look, just be a little more trusting with women.

1:14:57 Caller Well, I don't know how do I even make it.

1:14:58 Adam All right, I don't, listen, I'm that guy in your whole life.

1:15:01 Drew You know what it is?

1:15:01 David Alan Grier It's the voice. It's the voice.

1:15:02 Adam Just find yourself a female who doesn't...

1:15:05 David Alan Grier Hey, guys, I see Dr. Drew's playing with his little stick-up papers. You, your eyes are rolling the back of your head, Adam. Let's get focused, guys. You're right. It's the fourth quarter. Let's go. Fight.

1:15:16 David Alan Grier Fight. All the way to the end. We're saving babies.

1:15:19 David Alan Grier Right. Next caller, Chuck, what's your problem?

1:15:21 Drew Let's talk about felging again.

1:15:22 Caller No, no, come on, man.

1:15:24 David Alan Grier I surrender. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

1:15:26 Adam Claire?

1:15:26 I'm sorry. Yes.

1:15:27 Adam You're 26?

1:15:28 Caller Yes.

1:15:29 Adam You're on with a dear, dear, dear friend, David Alan Grier.

1:15:34 Caller How are you, Claire?

1:15:35 David Alan Grier I'm not doing so well. How are you, David?

1:15:37 David Alan Grier What's the matter?

1:15:39 David Alan Grier I just came back from the hospital. My brother tried to commit suicide again for the second time last night.

1:15:44 Adam How did he try that?

1:15:46 David Alan Grier Well, both times with pills.

1:15:48 Drew How old is he?

1:15:49 David Alan Grier He's 23. We're kind of at a loss of what to do. I mean, I know that typically the pattern is, is that people who try to commit suicide do it several times before they succeed. And we really don't know what to do. He's got, he suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder.

1:16:05 David Alan Grier A history of depression?

1:16:08 David Alan Grier Pardon?

1:16:08 David Alan Grier A history of depression? Does he have a history of depression?

1:16:11 David Alan Grier Yeah, yeah, he does.

1:16:12 Caller Is he an addict?

1:16:13 David Alan Grier But the very first time that he tried to commit suicide was just two months ago.

1:16:18 David Alan Grier Are you close? Are you close with him?

1:16:20 David Alan Grier Yeah, we're very close.

1:16:22 David Alan Grier Let me ask you one other thing. Are there any other members of your immediate family that suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder or depression?

1:16:31 David Alan Grier I would say probably my grandmother suffers from manic depression and my father probably has some OCD.

1:16:40 David Alan Grier So you want to tell her there's nothing you can do?

1:16:42 Drew Well, no, there's a lot you can do. It's a heritable disorder to some extent. You said, among other things, he's got OCD, he's got S.

1:16:50 David Alan Grier He's got OCD, I think he's got somatic depressive tendencies.

1:16:53 Drew Yeah. What are personality problems?

1:16:57 David Alan Grier He has some aggression.

1:16:59 Drew Aggression.

1:17:00 David Alan Grier There are lots of things that I think that he hasn't really fully been diagnosed with.

1:17:03 Drew Have they given him a name for his personality situation?

1:17:06 David Alan Grier Is he under treatment?

1:17:08 David Alan Grier Not that I'm aware of.

1:17:10 Drew Was he hospitalized last attempt?

1:17:12 David Alan Grier Pardon?

1:17:12 Drew Was he hospitalized his last suicide attempt?

1:17:14 David Alan Grier Yeah, he's still in the hospital now. He's in the ICU.

1:17:16 Drew No, his previous suicide attempt.

1:17:18 David Alan Grier Yeah, his stomach was pumped and then they took him to the psych ward for three days.

1:17:23 Drew Three days. He had to spend a few weeks in a psych ward.

1:17:26 David Alan Grier Yeah, I know.

1:17:28 Drew Does he have insurance that will cover that?

1:17:30 David Alan Grier You know, I think he does. The problem is, last time he was there, nobody came to see him. There wasn't a social worker, there wasn't a psychiatrist, nothing. They just charged him.

1:17:39 Drew Why don't you try a different hospital maybe?

1:17:40 David Alan Grier Yeah, I think that's sort of the plan this time.

1:17:42 Adam Hey, Claire?

1:17:44 David Alan Grier Yes?

1:17:44 Adam I got a couple of questions. What pills did he take?

1:17:47 David Alan Grier Well, the first time he took some of the medication that he was on, he took clonopin and he took some norton. This is the last time he took some veterinary tranquilizers and he took some aspirin.

1:18:01 Adam I see. And who discovers him?

1:18:04 David Alan Grier Well, he usually calls my mom.

1:18:06 Adam Oh, so he does it and then he makes the call?

1:18:08 David Alan Grier Yeah, he does it, but then he barricades himself in his room.

1:18:11 Adam I see. So he's crying out for help, as they say.

1:18:15 David Alan Grier Yeah, absolutely. It's just that I don't, I don't, we don't know what the next step is.

1:18:19 Adam Yeah.

1:18:20 David Alan Grier Well, I, I ever try to take myself out.

1:18:22 Adam He needs to stay in.

1:18:22 Drew Intensive psychiatric care along.

1:18:23 David Alan Grier I would tie a cinder block around my waist.

1:18:26 Drew You can try the hospital.

1:18:27 David Alan Grier Shoot myself in the head while I'm standing on a bridge.

1:18:30 Drew Where, where was he hospitalized before?

1:18:31 Adam If you're really trying to take yourself out.

1:18:33 David Alan Grier Yeah, yeah.

1:18:33 Drew Where was he hospitalized, Claire?

1:18:35 David Alan Grier Where was he hospitalized before? He was at Northridge and now he's at Valley Prez, but I don't think they have a psych ward.

1:18:40 Caller Yeah.

1:18:41 David Alan Grier So, you know, I think long-term care may be the solution, but.

1:18:45 Drew Well, I meant to say long, long, necessary. I mean, let's say some person has a disorder that is just profound, but at least a longer course of intensive treatment.

1:18:51 Adam Hey, Claire, sorry, brother, screwing your life up too, by the way. Thank you. Everyone's got a pain in the ass, family members, bringing them down with them. What is that?

1:19:00 David Alan Grier You guys are preaching today.

1:19:02 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:19:02 David Alan Grier I like the way you work on this stuff. You came back, man.

1:19:05 Drew You came back.

1:19:06 Adam We're up on our Apple box. Okay. Longer than a couple days.

1:19:10 Drew Wow.

1:19:11 Adam And, you know, it's always weird. And I don't want to make light of it. But the people who try to kill themselves and then make the phone call at the same time, they're obviously disturbed.

1:19:20 David Alan Grier That's a lot of... That's a lot of...

1:19:23 Drew Aggression. Yeah, those are acts of aggression. Those are the same kids that then turn that aggression on other people.

1:19:27 David Alan Grier Oh, it's true. You know what, Dr. Drew, you are so wise. These high school shootings, here's what I think. That is for a kid that age to shoot up other kids, I think that it's an act of suicide.

1:19:39 Caller No, it's...

1:19:40 David Alan Grier Absolutely.

1:19:41 Drew It normally, not normally, but in other circumstances, that child would have tried to kill himself, but it goes the other direction when they see that option.

1:19:49 Adam Right, back in the day, they would have just killed themselves. I mean, think about all those high school aged teen suicides you would hear about. A certain percentage of those are turning into school shootings and are no longer teen suicides anymore. But it is a suicide because obviously when you're 16 years old and you're saying I'm going to have news footage of me taking out 15 classmates, you know you're going in prison. You'll never get out.

1:20:19 David Alan Grier Well, here's the element too. They never run away. They never try and get away. They surrender or kill themselves.

1:20:25 Drew That's right.

1:20:25 David Alan Grier So, virtually, it's like I'm done.

1:20:29 Adam There is an interesting, and this ain't it exactly, but it reminded me of something. There's an interesting form of suicide where you try to get somebody to kill you.

1:20:39 Drew Yeah.

1:20:40 Adam Like, police have to deal with this. They go out in front of the police station. They started waving around a pistol that's carved out of soap and wait for some sniper to take them out because of their religious beliefs or because of whatever sort of internal convictions or whatever they got going on, they can't do it themselves.

1:20:58 David Alan Grier You know, there's another phenomenon. It's not where you try and kill you, get someone to kill you, but just do you want to get a really badly beaten is you get in a car and you like race away from the place. Yeah, like if you want to call like a black guy. Yeah, which was basically that's what that's what the police contended that he really was trying to get them to be.

1:21:15 Adam He just wanted attention.

1:21:16 David Alan Grier Yeah, he just wanted attention. He craved for tons. Y'all can't catch me now.

1:21:21 Adam Next time, though, if you're going to try out run the cops, you got to get a little something better in a Hyundai Accel.

1:21:26 David Alan Grier No, I know.

1:21:27 Adam Especially when you're a 300-pound dude and you got four brothers in the car with you. That car's got about 85 horsepower, and he had about 1,500 pounds worth of brother in the car with him.

1:21:39 David Alan Grier People were coming, the police were coming from all across the country.

1:21:41 David Alan Grier They're running up next to the car.

1:21:42 David Alan Grier Whoop ass. Dr. Drew, you seem to be on a healing mission.

1:21:46 Adam Yeah, he doesn't care about Rodney.

1:21:48 David Alan Grier After the break.

1:21:49 David Alan Grier Josh? Yeah?

1:21:50 Adam Yeah, you do voluntary body modification.

1:21:54 Caller Right, right.

1:21:55 Caller I haven't done much yet, but I'm very interested.

1:21:57 Adam You're looking into it?

1:21:59 Caller Yeah, right now I have my ears stretched up to about a half inch.

1:22:03 Drew Right, like the big plugs in the earlobe?

1:22:05 Caller Right, right.

1:22:06 Adam The progressive circles.

1:22:09 David Alan Grier Right, right.

1:22:10 Caller And in the future I'm looking towards, I think it's called a tongue phonectomy to remove the tongue webbing and elongate the tongue and then ultimately for a tongue splitting.

1:22:21 Adam Oh, right.

1:22:22 David Alan Grier Have you seen the guy who split his penis?

1:22:24 Drew Yeah, there are a few of those out there.

1:22:25 David Alan Grier Oh, that's beautiful.

1:22:26 Caller I've actually met a few guys like that in person, so...

1:22:29 David Alan Grier Nice, nice.

1:22:30 Adam There's also a... I think it's a French...

1:22:33 Drew We call that a filet-o-penis.

1:22:34 David Alan Grier That's beautiful.

1:22:35 Adam There's a French move that goes on with the scrotum. It's called the sac le bleu. It's where you actually stretch the scrotum out until it gets down to the knees. And then you can pull it up over your head.

1:22:46 David Alan Grier All right, now this is true. There is a religious sect in India where the guys stretch their penises up to 36 inches. They roll them up and keep them in sex. Of course, they can't get erections or anything. They're just like huge and long.

1:22:58 Adam Indians do that with their nails, too. They have a weird group over there. Hey, Josh?

1:23:02 Caller Yeah.

1:23:03 Adam Hang on a second.

1:23:04 Caller All right.

1:23:04 Adam Where are you calling from, by the way?

1:23:07 Caller Fruitland, Idaho. It's a little old town.

1:23:09 Adam Fruitland. They name the town after you or do you move there after it was named?

1:23:12 David Alan Grier What kind of chicks do you date, man?

1:23:14 Caller Actually my girlfriend is very, I mean, I'm religious. I'm a strong Christian, but she is too, and she's not into it, but she's okay with me being in it.

1:23:23 Adam All right. Hold on a second, Josh, because I want to get more into this. It's an interesting thing, this sort of mutilation of one's body after this.

1:23:40 David Alan Grier Hi, this is Tracy Lawrence, and you're listening to Love Live.

1:23:43 David Alan Grier Will she come in?

1:23:44 Adam Yeah.

1:23:44 David Alan Grier Why can't I be here when the Prano chicks come, man?

1:23:47 Adam We just peeled David Alan Grier like an onion, and let me tell you, it ain't pretty.

1:23:51 David Alan Grier I'm trusting that you keep our little secret.

1:23:54 Adam It ain't pretty what's going on inside of that.

1:23:57 Drew Oh, mama, I got a little scared of you. I'm making fun of him, right? All right. I'm going to call the mobile unit here.

1:24:03 Adam Yeah, let's call a helicopter. Forget about a van. All right, David Alan Grier, our guest tonight.

1:24:08 David Alan Grier What's up, baby? 15 minutes. All you sick and injured people call up Loveline because we're going to heal you up.

1:24:16 Adam DAG, Tuesday nights, 830 NBC. I want to talk a little more to young Josh over here who's into the body modification. Now, you say you're a Christian, right, Josh?

1:24:32 David Alan Grier Yes.

1:24:32 Adam And isn't your body a temple or something?

1:24:37 Caller I do believe in everything, but I also believe that my body is a temple and I have the right to decorate it however I want.

1:24:45 Drew This is the great sort of aspect of it.

1:24:47 Adam The beauty of religion, yeah.

1:24:48 Drew It's like I believe in every word of the Bible except I choose to interpret.

1:24:52 Caller Right.

1:24:54 Drew Except this one thing is right here, this is my word.

1:24:56 David Alan Grier Have you ever heard of the hammerhead, Adam?

1:24:58 David Alan Grier No.

1:24:59 David Alan Grier They take a piece of metal, a long piece.

1:25:01 David Alan Grier Oh yeah.

1:25:02 David Alan Grier They insert it in the head of the penis.

1:25:04 David Alan Grier Yeah.

1:25:04 David Alan Grier And it grows, it's like a hammerhead shark.

1:25:07 David Alan Grier That's nice, that's nice, that's nice.

1:25:09 David Alan Grier It's nice. You know, the kids, everybody's doing it.

1:25:12 Drew Can I see yours?

1:25:13 Adam So you got the ears. You want to do the, what is that, the frenulum under the tongue?

1:25:17 Drew He wants to, yeah, cut that out.

1:25:18 Adam You clip that. And then what do you get out of that?

1:25:20 Drew Long tongue.

1:25:21 Caller Yeah.

1:25:22 Adam Does your tongue come protrude further?

1:25:24 Drew Yes, then he wants to fork his tongue. He wants to split it.

1:25:27 Adam Oh, do you want to fork it?

1:25:28 Caller Right. Ultimately splitting it. Yeah.

1:25:31 Adam Yeah. I'll tell you, you may want to fork your tongue. I'd like to fork your ass. I'll tell you. A little censor humor there.

1:25:41 Caller Right.

1:25:41 Adam Um, doesn't this seem, uh, Josh and so very permanent?

1:25:49 Caller It does. And that was part of my question for Drew. Uh, you know, all these people who are doing it right now, uh, you know, in 20 years, if they start to regret it, what are they going to look like? Look at for...

1:26:01 David Alan Grier You're going to be, you're going to be talking to a therapist with your tongue all forked up. You don't know what it's like, man.

1:26:07 David Alan Grier I made a mistake. Now turn it back.

1:26:09 Drew Well, this is what we were talking about all during the break.

1:26:11 Adam Yeah, you sound like Count Dracula your whole life.

1:26:14 David Alan Grier Well, I would have loved...

1:26:15 David Alan Grier I don't want fangs anymore.

1:26:17 Drew But we were talking about this during the break, is that every 17-year-old has just all sorts of bizarre ideas.

1:26:23 Adam He's 19, but really, I thought I was going to be a pirate astronaut when I was 19. I really did legitimately think that's what I was going to do.

1:26:30 Drew But we each had relationships that we would have signed on with the devil to preserve, and aspects of our life that we would have been able to do. Anything to preserve that turned out to be just transient nonsense.

1:26:41 Adam Here is your goal when you're before the age of 25. I don't care if you're 3, 13, or 21, do not do anything that's permanent, that will be a lasting...

1:26:53 Drew Monument...

1:26:53 Adam .a beacon to the rest of society about what a jackass you were at 19. That includes gender reassignment, that includes bad tats, tattoos, that includes kids in often cases, bad marriages, all those great... Hey, that includes riding a motorcycle with no helmet when you're drunk. All the things that can forever affect your life that you think is a good idea at the time, 17, 18, I guarantee you will look back on...

1:27:23 David Alan Grier That includes inviting friends on radio shows and making them puke.

1:27:28 Adam That's right, Josh, don't ever do that.

1:27:29 David Alan Grier Don't ever do that.

1:27:30 Adam I'll keep that in mind. All right, Josh, really, just... Listen, you want to screw around a little with yourself fine, but that's big permanent stuff.

1:27:36 David Alan Grier Have you heard of the tingling?

1:27:38 Adam No. What's that?

1:27:38 David Alan Grier The tingling is they put a bell in your butt.

1:27:41 Adam And every time you break away and a cow chases you?

1:27:43 David Alan Grier Yeah, tingling, ling, ling, ling. It's nice. All the kids are doing it.

1:27:46 Drew Where the hell did you come up with that one?

1:27:49 Caller I think they had to come up with those whistles and go, whew, whew, whew.

1:27:53 Caller Kazoo butt.

1:27:56 Adam Sam, you're 23. What's up?

1:27:59 Caller First of all, the singer with 100 kids is Screamin Jay Hawkins.

1:28:04 Adam Screamin Jay Hawkins, yeah.

1:28:06 Caller For what it's worth.

1:28:07 Adam How many kids did Screamin Jay have? I don't know.

1:28:09 Caller Screamin Jay's kids, how many showed up? I don't know.

1:28:11 Adam That was like into the 90s.

1:28:13 Caller All right. And I had a question for David.

1:28:17 David Alan Grier Yes.

1:28:17 Caller You played a character called Don No-Soul Simmons. Did you not?

1:28:21 David Alan Grier Tie a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree. It's been three long years. Yeah, I did.

1:28:30 Caller Yeah. I was just wondering if you developed that character yourself or if that was written for you?

1:28:36 David Alan Grier It was written and I auditioned against OJ Simpson. I beat him up for the part. Really? Yeah, John Landis directed it.

1:28:44 Adam Is that on Amazon Women?

1:28:46 David Alan Grier Amazon Women on the Moon. It was many, many years ago.

1:28:49 Caller I always associate you with that because that's what I first saw you in.

1:28:52 David Alan Grier Yeah. Yeah, no, it was written. But I did come in. I came in and I sang the Three Dog Night song.

1:28:57 Caller Oh, really?

1:28:58 David Alan Grier Jeremiah was a bullfrog. Who wrote that song? Man, those are stupid as hell.

1:29:02 Adam Yeah, it's a ridiculous song. Well, the guy was pretty high on heroin. Oh, Chuck Neckron.

1:29:08 David Alan Grier Yeah, yeah.

1:29:10 David Alan Grier Oh, that's beautiful.

1:29:11 Drew Chuck's doing well now.

1:29:11 Adam Yeah.

1:29:12 David Alan Grier He's doing really well.

1:29:13 Adam Yeah. Well, at least he didn't do Eli's Coming. Hey, Sam.

1:29:31 David Alan Grier Nice, nice.

1:29:33 Adam Yeah, that's one me and David could hook up on in a karaoke session.

1:29:38 David Alan Grier This is Adam's boxing music.

1:29:40 Drew Oh, 3 Dog Night?

1:29:40 David Alan Grier Yeah, yeah.

1:29:41 David Alan Grier Come on.

1:29:42 David Alan Grier It's 3 Dog Night. Now punch.

1:29:44 Adam No, but I do Momma Told Me Not To Come. That's my 3 Dog Night.

1:29:48 Drew That's the theme song for your life, is that?

1:29:52 David Alan Grier Candy?

1:29:53 Drew Yeah.

1:29:53 Adam You're 16. What's up?

1:29:54 Drew 14.

1:29:55 Adam Oh, 14, sir.

1:29:57 David Alan Grier What's going on?

1:29:59 Caller I want to have a threesome with my boyfriend, but I'm not sure. I've heard some things about it not being safe to do at this age.

1:30:05 Drew Are you having sex with your boyfriend? Yeah. That's not so safe already.

1:30:09 Adam How old's your boyfriend?

1:30:11 Caller 15.

1:30:12 Drew All right. Don't have the threesome. Don't do it. You'll regret it.

1:30:15 Adam Yeah. Why?

1:30:17 Caller They seem so fun.

1:30:18 Drew Were you sexually abused when you were like 8?

1:30:20 Caller No.

1:30:23 David Alan Grier Can you have a threesome and not be twisted?

1:30:26 Drew At 14.

1:30:26 Caller Well, okay.

1:30:28 Caller I've never been sexually abused.

1:30:30 David Alan Grier Tell them. Tell them.

1:30:33 Adam Let me give a little fight analogy here, a little boxing analogy as a homage to our guest David Alan Grier. Let me explain something to you young ladies. You at 14 don't want to get thrown in to a threesome. It's like when Marvis Frasier got tossed in with... Who beat the crap? Well, first Holmes beat him pretty good, but he also got tossed in with Tyson, or somebody got tossed in with Tyson. You get tossed in too early, you get permanently damaged, and it goes on your record. When you're a young fighter, they take you along slowly, give you some tomato cans, try to build up the record a little. Some of you girls that we talk to, and I say girls because there is a double standard in this society. By 15 or 16, you're 4 and 26 and have some brain damage. You know what I mean? Slow it down a little. It all goes on the permanent record.

1:31:33 David Alan Grier You know what, Adam? You're preaching to the converted right here, my friend, but I think you may have lost a little honey bunny there.

1:31:39 David Alan Grier I'm sorry.

1:31:40 Adam Candy?

1:31:40 David Alan Grier Let me tell you something, honey.

1:31:42 David Alan Grier When you don't swallow in the corner, you swish and spit out. Now, when you're in the life of GIP.,

1:31:48 David Alan Grier don't take a gut punch.

1:31:50 David Alan Grier You want to go to the head, but you work the body.

1:31:52 David Alan Grier That's how you knock them out.

1:31:53 Adam When Ernie Shavers fought Archie Moore in 71, you remember that?

1:31:58 David Alan Grier Yes.

1:31:58 Drew Go on a break.

1:31:59 Adam Yeah, it's the same thing.

1:32:00 David Alan Grier Nice.

1:32:01 Adam Candy, slow down and don't get pregnant. Get on some birth control.

1:32:05 Drew Please.

1:32:05 Adam All right.

1:32:06 Caller And we also use condoms.

1:32:07 Drew All right.

1:32:08 Adam Okay. All right.

1:32:09 Caller We'll be right back.

1:32:10 Adam We'll be back.

1:32:11 Caller Hello. This is your radio. Loveline will be right back.

1:32:17 Adam Yep. Well, there you go. Another fantabulous night of Loveline over and done with.

1:32:21 Drew What are we going to do without David Alan Grier here?

1:32:23 David Alan Grier I don't know, man.

1:32:24 David Alan Grier You're going to sing, baby.

1:32:25 David Alan Grier Listen, I got to get to the Toyota Grand Prix. Adam.

1:32:28 Adam Yeah.

1:32:29 David Alan Grier Give a brother a shout out, man. I want to apologize for that little message.

1:32:33 Adam Yeah. Yeah, you should be humiliated. DAG, Tuesday Nights. How dare you, sir. I'm a B slash C celebrity myself. Tuesday Nights, NBC 830. DAG, everybody. Watch that show. Support the Friends of Loveline.

1:32:48 David Alan Grier And, Drew, you usually have like four or five other jobs going.

1:32:54 Drew I'm doing that Metta from Mars, Metta from Venus thing in the morning. And I'm doing my practice.

1:32:58 David Alan Grier All right.

1:32:59 David Alan Grier I'd like to come on that show.

1:33:01 Drew You want to come on it?

1:33:02 David Alan Grier Yeah, when you got like women who love too much, I mean, but some cutie pies. So, you know what I'm saying?

1:33:06 David Alan Grier What do you want with your girlfriend?

1:33:06 Drew How about that?

1:33:07 David Alan Grier Oh, my girlfriend. Oh, God bless her. Elvira? Bless her. She's beautiful. Elvira's very attractive, you know.

1:33:15 Adam All right. We're going to ramp the show up. Everybody.

1:33:20 David Alan Grier Look out!

1:33:21 Adam Brian Herda in here tomorrow night. Race car driver Brian Herda.

1:33:24 David Alan Grier Talk to him.

1:33:25 Adam And we'll see the Grand Prix this weekend.

1:33:27 David Alan Grier Isai Morales is a friend of mine. He's going to be here next week.

1:33:30 Adam Yeah, he's a little nutty. So until next time, it's Adam Crawford, Dr. Drew saying mahalo. What's David Alan Grier used to get laid?

1:33:37 David Alan Grier Roofies, baby! Plop, plop.

1:33:39 David Alan Grier Fizz, fizz.

1:33:40 David Alan Grier Oh, what a relief it is.

1:33:44 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff, but management sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback

Tuesday, April 3, 2001