Episode 1000754887031

1:42 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:54 Adam See, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-8-5-4-44-55. Dr. Drew is a Board Certified Physician, Thin Addiction Medicine Specialist. Tonight, our guest is Mario Van Peebles. You know him from many movies. I saw him most recently on Jaws 3. Jaws the Revenge.

2:20 Mario Van Peebles They wanted actors that taste good.

2:22 Adam Here tonight to promote Rude Awakenings on Showtime, Thursday Nights. I was actually supposed to do a part on that show about two months ago.

2:32 Drew They wised up and, oh no, wait a minute. It was, you wouldn't go down there for an audition or wouldn't show up except the day of filming.

2:40 Adam How dare you and how dare you? No, I did not have to audition. They wanted me to do something. They're filming, you guys film at Hollywood Center Studios, right? Right, Los Palos. Same place. They filmed the Fabulous Man show, but we just couldn't work it out timing wise. But when I heard about the show, I'd been hearing about it, but I hadn't seen it. So some, not me, of course, but some people at my office did a little research on it, and the reviews were very good on this show. Everyone was surprised.

3:12 Mario Van Peebles It's a different, I mean, there's not an episode.

3:14 Adam They weren't surprised that it was a good show. They're surprised that a good show wanted me to be on air.

3:19 Mario Van Peebles Every episode you get, there's something that you know, that you're familiar with, unfortunately. You say, man, I wish I didn't know that, or wasn't familiar with it. I mean, there was one episode, Sally Richardson, who I directed in Posse, plays my ex-wife, and there was one episode, my soon-to-be ex-wife, where Sherrilyn Fenn, who's on the show, Tim Curry is on the show, Lynn Redgrave is on the show, Tone Locke plays my best friend. And anyway, Sherrilyn Fenn and I are in this sort of rug burn situation in our carpet. Knock on the door, knucklehead that I am, I answer the door, and it's my ex-wife, or soon-to-be ex-wife, played by Sally Richardson. And it's just, there's one thing after another in this show, and a lot of it deals with some of the stuff you guys are touching on. In this last episode, there was this gay couple, these two guys, and they come to Sherrilyn Fenn, who I'm dating now, and ask her to be a surrogate mother, and have their baby, and I'm flipping out. I'm like, wait a minute.

4:15 Adam You had your kids with gay men, didn't you? The triplets? I know, you ever get, I was just thinking about you being on the carpet with Sherrilyn and hearing the knock on the door, and you know, once in a while, there's a knock on the door, or the phone rings, and you get that little voice in your head, usually, maybe, with you're with a woman, or you're just doing something, and you think to yourself, don't pick it up, or don't get up, listen to that voice, everyone. That's what I'm here to tell you tonight. You know what I'm talking about? It's because every time that little voice hits you when the phone rings, if, oh, Christ, up, up, and then you just make that move, it's like some threshold that you cross, like, I'm in, I'm going. It's always, it always burns you.

4:53 Mario Van Peebles It's a mistake.

4:54 Adam And you gotta listen to it. All right, so you're, now this is just your first season, right, even though the show's on its way.

5:00 Mario Van Peebles Yeah, it's my first time. They wrote this character for me to come on as Marcus, and it's exciting.

5:05 Adam Now, how does that, how does that, how does that work? Do they, is there a writer there, is there a producer there, is there a fan of yours?

5:12 Mario Van Peebles They're, they're, well, actually, it's showtime and I was going to, I did some other stuff for showtime. Jerry Offsay had wanted to sort of hook up on something. He runs a showtime. Anyway, the two writers wrote me a letter and they asked to meet and we met, and they were very funny, two women, very funny. And they said, we want to create this character. He's going to come on the show because the show deals with-

5:33 Adam Funny women, they must have been lesbian.

5:35 Mario Van Peebles Yeah, they must be. Yeah, and so I met with them and they were just bright, interesting people and they wrote this character for me and I came on and the character I play is someone that's not addicted to anything. Wow. Because it deals with Sherrilyn Fenn's battle for sobriety. Right. And my character is just a guy who's made some money and he's got this time in his life and his wife doesn't have any time and he starts to get involved with these crazy people. So there it is.

6:03 Adam Thursday night.

6:04 Mario Van Peebles Thursday night. 10 o'clock. Showtime.

6:06 Adam Let's talk about the Jaws of Revenge for just one second. Why? I'll tell you why.

6:10 Mario Van Peebles The Muppet Shark.

6:12 Adam My neighbor.

6:12 Mario Van Peebles Does the shark look like a muppet to you?

6:14 Adam Yeah. The shark got worse and worse looking, although I guess it was just getting older like any actor. I suppose it was just getting a little bit more ragged.

6:24 Mario Van Peebles Did you know that there are two endings to that movie I did?

6:26 Adam No.

6:27 Mario Van Peebles Yes. There's one where I get eaten by the shark.

6:30 Adam Right.

6:30 Mario Van Peebles And then there's one where I don't, where I get bit and I float to the surface.

6:34 Adam Well, the one I saw on TV just the other night, I think it was like TNN or something, you got pulled off the front of the boat and eaten.

6:43 Mario Van Peebles But did I get spat back up or did I die?

6:45 Adam Oh, I got to tell you, I think. Remember I was talking about that phone call with the little voice? I think it hit. I saw you get pulled down to the bottom in the mouth of the shark, but I'm not sure if you came back up again.

6:59 Mario Van Peebles Big rubber shark. It sat in its teeth.

7:01 Adam Oh my God.

7:03 Mario Van Peebles Actually, I played a Bohemian scientist, so I don't quite sound like I normally sounded. I was in the water, black and tickly.

7:09 Adam You're out on the front trying to take a picture.

7:11 Mario Van Peebles Why would you be out in the front of a boat?

7:14 Adam Not with that shark. That shark could get into the galley of the kitchen, eat a can of beans and make it back out again. It's very vindictive, that shark. Well, the reason I wanted to talk about the Jaws trilogy, I think, for a second, is I had a neighbor. I lived in a one bedroom with three guys in North Hollywood.

7:32 Mario Van Peebles And a shark.

7:33 Adam And my neighbor was an actor named Ben. And this poor son of a bitch, he never did anything, but I think he did Jaws 2, or maybe Jaws 3. He did the one where they were out on the catamaran. And I think that was a-

7:44 Mario Van Peebles Was it a 3D one?

7:46 Adam I think it was Jaws 2, a bunch of kids out on a catamaran. Anyway, he was one of the kids that was out on the catamaran. Not kids, you know, 18 year olds that was out on this catamaran. He gets eaten by the shark. The point is, is some crazy gay guy sees this, starts stalking the guy, and used to just slash his tires, break his car antenna, throw rocks at his window. This poor son of a bitch from this one horrible movie that he did was stalked by some crazy guy for the rest of his days. I have no idea. He saw him on Jaws 2, he called like the Screen Actors Guild, or somehow got this guy's number and address. He just became fixated on one of the guys on the catamaran in Jaws 2, and just began, began stalking him, and he couldn't do anything about it, and he would never, you know, he didn't pull a gun on him or anything. He'd just call and hang up, and he'd F with his car. He got all four tires slashed in his new car, I remember that, and he was constantly tormented by one young redheaded guy who was in love with him.

8:51 Drew Isn't that bizarre?

8:52 Adam And as a guy, you're screwed, you know, because you're not getting much sympathy, the cops are laughing their asses off, some rusty headed homos going after you. I mean, no one has sympathy for that, right?

9:04 Drew You certainly don't.

9:05 Adam No, I don't. I thought it was funny, but I still felt bad for the guy.

9:08 Mario Van Peebles Well, I didn't have that experience.

9:09 Adam Oh good, well, it's never too late. It was just on TV the other night.

9:13 Raquel?

9:14 Adam You're 16.

9:15 Caller Yes.

9:16 Adam What's up?

9:17 Caller Yeah, I call it because my boyfriend, we've been together for a couple of months already, and he's been wanting to get me pregnant, but I don't want to.

9:29 Adam Yeah, you want to wait another four months till you're 16 and a half?

9:33 Caller No, I don't want to have any kids at all.

9:35 Drew How old is your boyfriend?

9:37 Caller He's 19.

9:38 Mario Van Peebles Why does he want to have kids?

9:40 Caller I don't know, because there was a time when we had relations before I went to Texas. This was in April, and he wanted to, I guess he was talking to me about kids, right? And I was like, no, I didn't want to have any kids.

9:55 Drew Raquel, what is your question for us?

9:56 Adam Maybe he just got a job and he wants to justify it.

9:58 Mario Van Peebles Maybe he's watching that Eddie Murphy movie.

10:00 I had a relationship.

10:03 Caller My question just is that, because now he don't want to talk to me, because it came out that I wasn't pregnant.

10:10 Adam Yeah. Okay. Hey, Raquel.

10:13 Mario Van Peebles You were lucky.

10:13 Adam This guy is a piece of work.

10:15 Drew Get rid of him.

10:15 Adam He's trying to ruin you. Your life will be ruined. Are you in high school?

10:19 Caller Yes, I'm in high school.

10:20 Adam What are you going into the 11th grade?

10:23 Caller Junior, yeah, junior year.

10:24 Adam All right. What do you want to do? You want to get pregnant, stay home, miss your school and miss all that crap? No, I don't. Join the drill team and call it a life for a few years.

10:32 Drew This guy is an idiot. He's an idiot. I don't care what you say about him. You're not going to convince us otherwise. All right? It's not time to get pregnant. It's time to think about birth control.

10:42 Adam Yeah, if you're going to be having relations.

10:44 Caller Well, now I mean, I guess he got elucidated about me getting pregnant because I told him I might be. And he took me to the doctor and it came out that negative and he was disappointed. And you know, since then, he really didn't talk to me anymore.

10:58 Drew Well, he obviously cares very much about you, Rockolla, can't you see?

11:02 Adam I'm guessing he'd like to sell the young child on the black market or something. That's his motivation. He's 19, he's an idiot. When I'm in charge, you'll be sterilized. Raquel, you stay away from him. Okay?

11:11 Caller Okay.

11:12 Adam Listen, don't hook up with some other idiot.

11:14 Caller Okay. Thank you very much. Just relax on the bomb. I mean, I listen to you guys every night.

11:19 Adam Thank you.

11:19 Drew But follow our direction, please.

11:21 Adam Don't just listen. Hear.

11:24 Caller All right. God.

11:26 Adam That sounded good, right? That'd be a good bumper sticker. Christian?

11:30 Yeah.

11:30 Adam You're 15?

11:31 Caller Yeah.

11:31 Adam You're on with Mario Van Peebles.

11:34 Well.

11:34 Mario Van Peebles How you doing, partner?

11:35 I'm OK. How are you?

11:36 Mario Van Peebles Yeah, I do that too sometimes, man.

11:39 Well, my question is that I, like, masturbate, like, three or four times every day. And sometimes I'll do it, like, five times. And first of all, I want to know, is it normal to do that much? And if so, like-

11:55 Drew He's got the voice of the poster child for this problem.

11:58 Mario Van Peebles Yeah. Yeah.

11:59 Adam I'm picturing Adam's apple that's sort of flapping around in the wind and all spindly, all knees-

12:05 No, not exactly.

12:06 Adam All knees and elbows. But you're husky?

12:09 No, not really.

12:10 Adam Well, what are you? Come on.

12:11 I'm like, I don't know, just, like, normal.

12:15 Adam All right. But you can't get any chicks, right?

12:17 No, that's not a problem, really.

12:19 Drew Oh, please.

12:19 Adam Oh, really?

12:20 Drew Please, 15. Give him a break.

12:21 Adam All right.

12:22 Drew I'm Christian here at Listen.

12:23 Adam Listen, it's important for me to attack the young people that call this show, especially the males, because it makes me feel better about my high school experience.

12:32 Drew Okay.

12:32 Adam All right.

12:32 Drew We'll give you that.

12:33 Adam I'm going to be open with everybody.

12:35 And second of all, I want to know, is there any way I can cut down?

12:40 Drew Well, Christian, the question is, are you a sexual compulsive or a sexual addict? And at your age, masturbation will be the way that would present itself. So compulsion as opposed to addiction is an issue of genetics. If you have a predisposition for addiction and you were sexually abused in childhood, and you have some momentum with other chemicals, that's-

12:59 I was never abused.

13:01 Adam What are you good for a day again?

13:02 Mario Van Peebles Well, is it funny? You having a good time? What bothers you?

13:05 Just like it gets in the way of like, I don't know. I just want to know how I can stop.

13:14 Adam What are you good for a day?

13:15 What do you mean?

13:16 Adam How many times?

13:17 Drew It's at three to five.

13:18 Adam Three to five. All right. So you're 15. That sounds a little light to me. I'm 36. It sounds a little light. But why don't you see instead of cutting it out, because that is out of the question, believe me, you might as well try to fly one of those coin-operated rocket ships in front of the supermarket to Mars. It's never going to happen. You understand? So let's forget about that right now. Well, let's see about cutting down to once a day.

13:47 Caller All right. I've been trying to cut down it for a while, but I was like doing really good.

13:51 Adam Yeah. All right. Listen, I'm not that interested. But here's the problem with whether it's eating or masturbating or smoking or anything you're trying not to do. You sit around and think about not doing it, you'll be doing it within a moment. You know what I mean? Every single time I thought to myself, all right, no whacking off, no cigarettes, no eating. I'll be smoking, eating and masturbating right in front of the refrigerator.

14:12 Drew And crying.

14:13 Adam And crying. That's right.

14:15 Drew Be fair.

14:15 Adam Do you ever see me do that? Smoke, eat and masturbate in front of the refrigerator?

14:21 Mario Van Peebles My manager, Toby Haggerty, has this problem. Yeah. She's always whacking off in front of the refrigerator. She? Ongoing thing.

14:27 Adam Oh, yeah. But for her, I think she's being stimulated by the food. For me, it's three separate things. For her, the food and the masturbation becomes one.

14:36 Mario Van Peebles She does the refrigerator lunch. You know, you get... Anyway, there you go.

14:41 Drew Okay, you guys insulted everyone in town now?

14:42 Adam Miranda?

14:44 Hello?

14:45 Adam You're 18. What's up?

14:47 Caller Well, I'm having some trouble with my girlfriend.

14:51 Adam Yeah?

14:52 Caller We grew up together, very close friends. And then we came, when we were about 16, we came out to each other, and we decided that we wanted to be together. And then a couple of days ago, I told her that her dad had raped me when I was 11.

15:11 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy baby.

15:13 Drew Let me complete the story. And she told the same story. Oh my God, my dad did the same thing to me.

15:20 Caller Well, she didn't say anything, really. And she was really upset about it.

15:25 Adam Drew, do you ever get tired of being wrong? Or is that something that's new every day?

15:28 Drew Uh-uh, uh-uh.

15:29 Adam All right.

15:30 Drew I still believe I'm right.

15:31 Adam Go ahead, Miranda, sorry.

15:32 Caller And now every time we try to be intimate, it doesn't work at all. I mean, we just can't get close anymore.

15:40 Adam Okay, because of what her dad did to you?

15:43 Well, I don't...

15:45 Caller Well, because as soon as I told her, I mean, she just seemed real upset. But we talked about it, and I thought everything was okay, but we just can't...

15:54 Adam Well, how old were you when he raped you?

15:56 Caller Eleven.

15:57 Adam Eleven.

15:58 Drew He is a child abuser, so there's a real probability he did the same thing to her.

16:02 Adam Well, here's... And what happened with you before this? Anything?

16:08 Drew What made you a good victim?

16:10 Caller I don't know. I haven't...

16:12 Adam How are your parents?

16:14 Caller Well, my dad is dead.

16:15 Drew How old was you when he died?

16:18 Caller I was three.

16:19 Drew Three. And what did he die from? Heroin.

16:22 Oh, true.

16:23 Adam How dare you.

16:24 Caller My mom is not open about it at all.

16:27 Adam Oh, all right. But it wasn't diving on a grenade in Korea or anything like that, trying to saving the platoon.

16:36 Caller No.

16:37 Adam Right. Something bad?

16:40 Yeah.

16:40 Adam OK.

16:40 I guess.

16:41 Caller Because I don't know.

16:42 Adam All right. All right. So you've had a tough life.

16:45 Caller I guess.

16:45 Adam And this guy needs to be reported. Although I don't know what you can do seven years after the fact.

16:51 Drew It's her girlfriend's dad who's upset about the fact.

16:53 Adam Oh, all right. Hold on. We have to have a quick discussion. Mario, I know this isn't a popular opinion, but I'm full of these. We never talked to any lesbians or gay guys who weren't sort of converted at some point. Now, there's a handful of them out there, sort of organically.

17:13 Drew Biologically.

17:13 Adam Biologically gay, but they just never call this show. Everyone who calls this show is gay or lesbian. Something happened to them. So now we know what happened to Miranda. I mean, she got tweaked by this guy and now she's into girls. And I'll bet you, and this is what Drew is saying, this guy did the same thing to his daughter. And now, ironically enough, in a way, it's like he made them both into lesbians, or at least he got them both off guys.

17:44 Mario Van Peebles That would turn you off guys.

17:45 Adam Yeah, it would help too.

17:46 Mario Van Peebles Something happened early on to turn you off men.

17:48 Adam It's like that presidential race in Mexico that just went on when we were talking about this the other night. Everyone they talked to voted for the new guy. They just said we hated the old guy. It's not that they like the new guy. It's not that these women necessarily like women. It's that they hate guys. I think that's what half of this is. Anyway, this guy now has two lesbians that come out of his factory and they've gotten together. Oh my god.

18:14 Mario Van Peebles But what's interesting here is why is the friend upset when this young lady tells her, look, this is what your dad did to me.

18:20 Drew I think it's because...

18:21 Mario Van Peebles She probably thinks she's the only one that the dad did it with.

18:23 Drew Or something.

18:25 Mario Van Peebles Some kind of proprietorship thing.

18:26 Drew It's just dirt. Something up.

18:28 Adam Listen, your dad shows up with a couple of beers in him to open a house and you're humiliated. Imagine if he rapes your friend. Do you know what I'm saying?

18:38 Drew You feel responsible. You feel humiliated.

18:39 Adam You feel uncomfortable. Especially when you're young.

18:41 Drew And undoubtedly something happened to her.

18:44 Adam Alright. So Miranda? Yeah? This whole thing is...

18:48 Drew A mess.

18:49 Adam If this was an Etch A Sketch, I would shake it. We'd start over again. Who's that? Your mom?

18:54 Caller No.

18:55 Adam My girlfriend's here. Oh boy. Alright. Let's talk to her.

18:58 Caller Okay. Someone to talk to you.

18:59 Adam Hello? Hello.

19:00 Hi.

19:00 Mario Van Peebles How you doing?

19:01 Alright. How are you?

19:02 Mario Van Peebles Thanks for getting on the phone.

19:03 Adam What's your name?

19:04 Caller Ava.

19:05 Adam Ava?

19:06 Caller Yeah.

19:06 Adam Now, this dad of yours, he raped Miranda?

19:09 Caller I guess so. That's what she says.

19:10 Adam Yeah. Well, do you believe her?

19:12 Caller Um, I don't really want to.

19:15 Adam But you know your dad, right? He's kind of an A-hole?

19:20 Caller Well, yeah. I guess you could say that we don't really get along.

19:23 Adam Yeah.

19:23 Mario Van Peebles Did he ever do anything to you, Ava?

19:26 Caller Um, no, not, no.

19:29 Adam All right. Hold on.

19:30 Caller A little Loveline recreation there.

19:32 Adam Drew, go ahead.

19:33 Drew All right. Adam, did your mom ever, did your dad ever do anything weird to you?

19:36 Adam My dad?

19:40 Drew No, yeah, no, yeah.

19:42 Adam No, no. Did I say no? No.

19:43 Drew Adam, your dad ever do anything to you? Okay.

19:45 Adam No, I'd kick his scrawny ass. Miranda? I mean Ava?

19:49 Caller Yeah.

19:49 Adam All right. So maybe your dad did something to you?

19:53 Caller Not that I can remember. I mean-

19:56 Mario Van Peebles Ava, do you remember any of this is a dream? Never have a nightmare and think your dad did something to you and you wonder if it was real or not?

20:05 Caller Well, I did have sleeping problems for a while. I never had my mom around.

20:11 Adam Yeah. Well, we just wonder why you hesitated so much when we asked you if your dad ever did anything to you.

20:17 Caller Because, I don't know, I really don't.

20:20 Adam All right. Well, all right. Let's see. Let's talk about you two now. So what are you guys going to do?

20:26 Caller See, that's, I don't, I mean, I want to get close to her again and if we don't, we can't seem to...

20:32 Drew Connect.

20:34 Caller Yeah. Yeah. As soon as I told her, because, I mean...

20:37 Adam All right. So Ava, what's up with you?

20:39 Caller I can't, I just don't think that this would happen. This is my, you know, my special person, you know? And that's my dad, and I don't think that something like that would happen, and then it's really hard to get it in my head.

20:51 Adam And Miranda, why did you tell her? I mean, were you trying to get some distance from her, you think?

20:57 Caller No, because I like being close to him. I want to be close to her, but...

21:01 Adam But didn't you know...

21:03 Drew You can understand that this would be a hard secret to maintain.

21:05 Adam Oh, yeah.

21:06 Drew So...

21:06 Caller But I mean, because we've been together for two years, and I mean, I felt wrong keeping it from her.

21:11 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can understand that.

21:13 Adam So...

21:13 Mario Van Peebles Yeah, you want to clear everything up.

21:15 Drew Well, it's her dad, and she's with her every day. It's got to be on your mind all the time.

21:19 Adam Ava, when did she tell you this?

21:22 Caller A couple weeks ago.

21:23 Adam And it's been a bad couple weeks.

21:26 Caller Yeah.

21:26 Drew Maybe you just need a little time.

21:27 Adam Well, it's been a couple weeks is eight years when you're 18.

21:30 Mario Van Peebles But Ava, let me ask you a question. If you're going to be close with someone, wouldn't you rather, even if you don't want to hear it, that they were honest with you and you knew them, and you knew what was going on, versus not knowing what's going on?

21:41 Caller I really want to believe it and trust her because I've known her almost all my life.

21:45 Adam Now it's like she's being punished for being victimized.

21:48 Drew And honest.

21:49 Adam And honest.

21:49 Mario Van Peebles I mean, you want someone around you who's dishonest? I would rather have someone say, hey, look, take asserts.

21:56 Caller Yeah, you're right.

21:57 Adam All right. Listen.

21:59 Mario Van Peebles I mean, that's a good thing to have. She's telling you something very difficult to tell you. You got someone there who cares about you, who's trying to be honest.

22:08 Drew You both have a lot of stuff going on with your ability to trust intimacies. Miranda's lost her dad, you've lost your mom. It's just these are heavy abandonment issues that have got to be triggered and make you feel very vulnerable in your intimacy.

22:20 Adam All right. So here's what we've concluded. You two need each other. Just hang on because believe me, there's a storm brewing out there.

22:27 Drew Hey, Mario, ask Adam that question about, would you rather have people be honest in a relationship?

22:31 Adam I know his answer.

22:32 Drew Ask him.

22:33 Adam I don't want asserts if that's what you're asking. Mario Van Peebles is our guest tonight for Rude Awakenings. No, we're just going to commercial. We're not throwing you out of here. That is Thursday night. Tomorrow night on, that is tomorrow night, is it? Yeah. On Showtime, 10 o'clock. Your show airs tomorrow night.

22:50 Drew East of the Mississippi, it'll be tonight. Oh, all right.

22:53 Adam There you go. When we come back, we'll talk to James the 17. He pushes his left testicle up into his stomach. Wants to know if that's a bad thing.

23:02 Drew Nice.

23:03 Adam After this.

23:05 Hello, what is this?

23:07 This is Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline will be right back.

23:34 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. There it is. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Mario Van Peebles is here tonight for Rude Awakenings, Thursday nights. Showtime, 10 o'clock, tomorrow night.

23:49 Mario Van Peebles That means I'm qualified to dispense advice because I'm on TV.

23:53 Adam Your dad was a filmmaker too, or is a filmmaker too.

23:56 Mario Van Peebles In fact, he just won an award for his film, Belly Full, and he directed it in France, and he directed Sweet Back and a bunch of movies. Watermelon Man and.

24:06 Adam Wish my family had some talent.

24:08 Mario Van Peebles Yeah, me too.

24:09 Adam James.

24:10 Hello.

24:11 Adam You're 17, so you like to push your testicle up into your stomach.

24:15 Caller Well, I don't like to, but it's possible.

24:18 Adam I see.

24:18 Drew With your hand.

24:19 Caller With my hand.

24:20 Drew Yeah. Just your left side.

24:22 Caller Just my left.

24:23 Drew How about after you say masturbate, you notice that after your orgasm does it go back up in?

24:29 Caller Yeah, it does actually.

24:30 Drew Yeah, so that's sort of a normal thing sometimes. The testes, when you're developing, start up in your back, like near where your kidneys are, where the ovaries would be actually. And they migrate down early in life and they pop into the testes. And sometimes what's left behind is this track that they can cruise back up in. And when you get what's called the cremasteric response, which the muscles that surround the testes pull it up, it pulls back up into the abdominal cavity.

24:54 Adam Everyone has that track. And some people's road is closed, though. I mean, most guys.

25:00 Drew That's right.

25:00 Adam And the older you get, the smaller that road gets?

25:03 Drew No, I think if that's open, it's open.

25:05 Adam Oh, really?

25:06 Drew If that's how you develop, that's how you develop.

25:08 Adam When do they come down? What age?

25:10 Drew Oh, you asked this before. Six months.

25:11 Adam I know, I ask this every time. Six months.

25:14 Mario Van Peebles Yeah, in the womb, right?

25:15 Drew No, I think they come down, I think, I just said, six weeks. When you're out?

25:18 Adam Aren't you born with them, though?

25:19 Mario Van Peebles You're born with your testes.

25:20 Adam You're born with your sack.

25:22 Drew The testes drop in.

25:24 Adam We gotta check that out.

25:26 Drew By six months, they should be in, if I remember right.

25:29 Caller I have another question, actually.

25:30 Adam All right, but hey, listen, James, why do you monkey with that? You know what I mean?

25:34 Caller Well, it's just like, I've never, it's just possible, so it's like, maybe it was like a dislocated, you know, something.

25:40 Drew You're fine, James. Don't keep pushing it back up there, right?

25:42 Caller All right.

25:43 Drew You're fine, though.

25:45 Mario Van Peebles Unless you want to really scare your girlfriend. He's the one in that wonder.

25:50 Drew Make him laugh again.

25:52 Adam Are you smoking a lot of pot, James?

25:53 Caller I have in the past.

25:55 Drew Oh, yeah. You got that laugh.

25:57 Caller Yeah.

25:57 Drew So, not in the past. Like, yesterday it stopped.

26:01 Caller No, actually, like, too much.

26:03 Adam Why'd you stop?

26:05 Caller I'm going to play basketball, so, like, you know, it's probably good that I stopped. All right.

26:09 Adam So, what's your second question?

26:10 Caller Like, every morning I wake up and, like, I masturbate, like, probably, like, four times a day. Is that bad?

26:16 Adam Uh, not for one of our listeners.

26:18 Caller No?

26:18 Adam No, you're right on. You're right on schedule.

26:21 Caller Four times is pretty good, or?

26:23 Adam I give it a six.

26:24 Caller A six?

26:26 Adam Four, listen, four times sounds like a lot, but when I was 17, I probably could have been good for four.

26:32 Caller All right.

26:33 Drew Now, why didn't you learn how to read?

26:34 Adam Yeah, you're fine. Yeah, I didn't have time. All the pages were stuck together.

26:37 Mario Van Peebles I couldn't read them. That wouldn't borrow his books.

26:39 Adam All right, James? All right.

26:40 Mario Van Peebles Okay, man.

26:40 Adam All right.

26:41 Mario Van Peebles Good luck on the team.

26:42 Adam Mario, you used to masturbate excessively when you were in D-Nature, right?

26:45 Mario Van Peebles You used to, man. But, you know, then going into acting helps. You just get to get into mental masturbation. It just sort of progresses.

26:54 Adam Right.

26:55 Mario Van Peebles Actually, I didn't discover it really until I was 18.

26:57 Adam Really?

26:58 Mario Van Peebles Yeah.

26:58 Adam Wow, that is a late bloomer.

26:59 Mario Van Peebles Later in life. Yeah, late bloomer.

27:01 Adam Chris?

27:01 Caller Yep.

27:02 Adam You're eight. Sorry, you're 15. What's up?

27:05 Caller Nothing much. First of all, I'd just like to say, Dr. Drew and Adam, you guys are like my gods.

27:10 Drew Oh, Chris.

27:10 Adam Thank you.

27:12 Caller Mario, dude, I don't even know who you are, but I'm sure you're cool.

27:15 Mario Van Peebles Okay, fine. Well, I'm hanging with them.

27:17 Drew I want to thank you, Adam, for supporting me. I'm a big brother, by the way, and watching.

27:20 Adam Yeah, never seen it.

27:22 Drew I just appreciate that. I was thinking the night because I came out and I was talking to Anson. My favorite part about doing that show is in five minutes, I accumulate more viewer moments, viewer impressions, and then a season of the Man Show.

27:33 Adam How dare you? How dare you say that in my presence?

27:38 Drew Five minutes.

27:39 Adam Oh, please, bunch of idiots, you got the middle America, bunch of slack jawed yokels enjoying your fine work on that show.

27:51 Mario Van Peebles What do we got here?

27:52 Drew Chris.

27:53 Adam Chris, what do you want?

27:54 Caller Me and my sister's boyfriend are sitting at home.

27:58 Drew You and your sister's boyfriend?

27:59 Caller Yeah, we were watching TV and we were really bored.

28:01 Drew How old is your sister?

28:03 Caller She's 17.

28:04 Drew How old is this guy?

28:05 Caller He's 17. And we were both drunk off our ass. And he started telling me to come over here and touch his penis and stuff.

28:13 Drew That's nice.

28:13 Caller I decided to and he told me to give him a blowjob. So I did and I just want to know if that makes me gay.

28:20 Adam You're bored. You must have been watching a Drew on Big Brother.

28:24 Caller Yeah, that's it.

28:26 Adam Let me explain something, fellas. I've been bored most of my life. Boredom in BJs, I don't get the correlation. I know a lot of guys start with that. They go, yeah, we're just sitting around and the fish weren't biting, so I blew Chuck.

28:43 Drew That's also why they get piercings, too.

28:45 Adam Yeah, but listen.

28:45 Drew I can take a spirit through my gut.

28:47 Adam Are you guys feeling bored? You don't blow guys. No. I mean, yeah, but don't worry. I'm bored off my ass, but don't worry. Your penis is safe. Drew, yours is in jeopardy.

28:57 Mario Van Peebles What's the difference between blowjob and potato salad?

29:00 Adam I don't know what.

29:00 Mario Van Peebles Want some potato salad? Okay.

29:05 Adam I smelled the mayonnaise joke coming. All right. So Chris, you were- That's my main main mayonnaise. Thank you, Snoop Dogg. You were bored and you're drunk, and so you gave him a BJ, but you don't think you're gay?

29:20 Caller No, I have a girlfriend.

29:21 Adam This may be slightly uncouth, but you didn't taste your sister on him, did you?

29:26 Drew Come on. Did you ever have thoughts about the same sex before?

29:31 Caller Well, not before then, no, but now I'm starting to.

29:34 Drew You're gay. So it's opened something up, huh?

29:36 Adam Where was your sister?

29:38 Caller She was out getting some more beer.

29:40 Adam Oh my God. I'd like to find your parents so I could shoot them.

29:45 Mario Van Peebles Well, let me ask you this. What worries you about this? Are you worried about being gay?

29:49 Caller Yeah. I mean, I always make fun of my friends at school. I'll be like, you're gay, man, stuff like that. And then somebody finds out, they're going to be like, tell me I'm gay because I give a guy a blood job.

29:58 Drew Well, here. Here's what you do. Don't worry about it right now. Just don't try to announce at Thanksgiving dinner. Don't make a big deal of this. Just see where this goes. You have a girlfriend now. Maybe you're gay. Maybe you're not. Maybe this is just a period of experimentation. Maybe it's all alcohol. Whatever it's going to mean, what it means, but don't make a big deal out of it right now.

30:19 Mario Van Peebles Dude, I remember once I read in a dictionary, said something about this crazy dictionary, gay was something most people were worried they might be. So if you are, you are. If you're not, you're not. And you're going to find out.

30:32 Drew With time.

30:32 Mario Van Peebles E with time. So just let it flow.

30:35 Adam Listen, I worry more about this guy's sister than I'm worried about him.

30:38 Drew Yeah.

30:39 Mario Van Peebles I mean, think who she's hooked up to. They have similar tastes.

30:42 Adam Yeah. Yeah, salty.

30:44 Mario Van Peebles But wait, well, why would your sister's boyfriend say come over here? Because he's got some stuff, he's got some stuff, right?

30:52 Adam Yeah, everyone's got stuff. Michelle?

30:54 Yeah.

30:54 Adam You're 21, what's up?

30:56 Caller Yes, I had a baby not too long ago and I found out my boyfriend cheated on me and the girl he cheated on me with might have herpes.

31:04 Drew How do you know she has herpes?

31:05 Caller Well, it's just basically a rumor.

31:09 Adam All right. So word on the street, you talk to Huggy Bear, you get 20 bucks.

31:14 Drew Sally's got the big age.

31:16 Adam Right.

31:17 Caller I was wondering when I've noticed if I had it by now because-

31:20 Drew Probably though actually the majority of people with herpes don't know they have it. Now, you had a baby and there were no problems, right?

31:27 Caller No, there was no problem.

31:28 Drew The doctor would have seen an outbreak, there would have been evidence of this then, so I think you should not worry.

31:32 Adam They got all kinds of lights in those rooms.

31:34 Caller Yeah, I was wondering if that was-

31:35 Drew I think you should not worry about that.

31:37 Adam How long ago did he cheat on you?

31:39 Caller Oh, man. It was during my pregnancy, which I had about two months ago, and I stopped having sex with him in March because I figured something was going on.

31:50 Drew This guy's on class.

31:51 Adam Yeah. This is a wonderful individual.

31:54 Mario Van Peebles How old is he?

31:54 Caller Twenty-five.

31:55 Mario Van Peebles And you are?

31:57 Adam Yeah. And what's going on now? You two back together?

31:59 Caller Not really.

32:00 Adam Okay. And what are you going to do with your kid? Who's going to raise it? Just you?

32:04 Drew We don't know this is one.

32:04 Caller No, both of us are. It's just we're not really together right now because it's just the trust issue and.

32:10 Drew Well, how are both of you going to raise it if you're not?

32:13 Caller He'll be around and stuff like that financially and everything.

32:17 Drew Is this your only child?

32:18 Caller Yeah.

32:19 Adam Good. No more kids, right?

32:21 Caller No.

32:21 Adam All right. Good. Plenty of birth control. Yeah. I want you to eat in a big bowl full of birth control every morning. As a matter of fact, I wish it had come out with a fruity birth control or something. It's fruity pills or something. Just every 14-year-old chick in America could just eat a big heap and bowl of that every morning. It could come out with something.

32:45 Drew Yeah. I'm trying to think of a name that would be commonly associated with the pill.

32:48 Adam Fruity Triphasics?

32:49 Drew Yeah.

32:49 Caller Right.

32:50 Adam Something. I don't know. I think what we can have-

32:52 Mario Van Peebles We can have Prom Guard Bike Shorts. Imagine with a little alarm, warning coming to you near the drawers.

33:00 Adam They are armed. Back up. Drew's currently having this fabricated for his daughter. Joanna?

33:06 Caller The same and the same kind of personality.

33:09 Adam Hey, Joanna, who's show are you doing? Joanna?

33:14 Hello?

33:15 Adam Yes. Wow. Who are you talking to, goofball?

33:17 My sister.

33:18 Adam All right. What's up with you tonight?

33:21 Well, for some reason, I'm attracted to, like, old friends.

33:25 Drew Uh-oh. Stop.

33:26 Adam Stop.

33:26 Drew Okay.

33:26 Adam She's goofing.

33:27 Drew Get a bucket.

33:28 Adam No, no. Listen. Either you're... If you're not goofing with that voice, we're gambling on you.

33:34 What are you talking about? This is my real voice.

33:37 Adam Your real voice?

33:38 Yeah.

33:40 Adam I don't know.

33:40 Drew It's not the one we heard when she was talking in the background, either.

33:42 Adam No, it wasn't.

33:43 That was my sister, Mary.

33:45 Adam Yeah, but you were talking to her.

33:47 Mario Van Peebles Let's hear Mary.

33:48 Drew Let's talk to Mary.

33:49 Here. Hold on. Here's Mary.

33:53 Caller Hello? Who goes there?

33:59 Drew Forget it. You busted her.

34:03 Adam All right. We'll see you in hell, Tardo. Listen, I say that was a 15-year-old guy.

34:09 Caller Oh, really?

34:10 Adam Well, see, girls, you know what girls don't have? They don't have that goof gene. They don't like to call and F with people. You know, how many girls, you know, called liquor stores and their kids and screwed with them, called the Domino's guy and screwed with them? How many girls have, you know, urinated in a fire extinguisher, went down to Ventura Boulevard and shot the gays coming out of the bars? You know what I'm saying? What?

34:32 Mario Van Peebles Those are all in the same class?

34:35 Adam You guys didn't...

34:37 Mario Van Peebles No, we didn't do that.

34:38 Adam Whatever the...

34:39 Mario Van Peebles The urinating in the fire...

34:40 Adam Whatever the equivalent of Ventura Boulevard was in your hometown, that's what I'm saying.

34:45 Drew Vomiting in the ice machine.

34:46 Adam Vomiting in an ice machine at Tijuana. What I'm saying is, is girls do not have that goof around gene. So, I mean, how many goof calls have we got from girls over the years as opposed to guys?

34:57 Drew Zero. Right.

34:59 Adam 100% guys. I think Joanna was Joe, the 15-year-old guy who was doing a chick voice.

35:05 Drew Yeah, maybe.

35:06 Adam Oh, yeah.

35:07 Mario Van Peebles He was the guy that was masturbating all of a sudden.

35:08 Drew Could be.

35:09 Mario Van Peebles First caller.

35:10 Adam Matt?

35:11 Yeah.

35:11 Adam You're 33.

35:12 Caller Yep.

35:13 Adam What's up?

35:14 Caller Well, my girlfriend had to go to a funeral with her family down in West Virginia. And she asked me to watch her dog. It's a little toy chihuahua. And my cat killed it.

35:25 Mario Van Peebles I don't know how to break it to her. Your cat killed her Taco Bell dog?

35:29 Drew You have a cougar? Yep. What kind of cat do you have?

35:31 Caller I just think just a house cat, a tomcat.

35:34 Mario Van Peebles Really?

35:35 Drew How did it kill it?

35:36 Mario Van Peebles Stay away from that crazy pussy cat.

35:38 Drew How did it do it?

35:39 Caller Well, I don't have a clue. I was sitting there eating dinners. It was about 20 minutes after she dropped it off. The next thing I know, the cat's dragging the damn thing through the kitchen like a gazelle.

35:47 Mario Van Peebles The cat said, you'll get a thug-o-bell.

35:50 Adam Yeah. Wow. I love that cat. I hate those chihuahuas.

35:55 Caller That's the worst part of this is I hated the dog.

35:58 Adam Yeah. She's going to think it was a hit. Yeah. She's going to think you held the dog under the tub or something.

36:06 Caller Yeah. Well, what do I do?

36:07 Adam You want to know what to do? Yeah. Here's what you got to do. When is she coming home?

36:12 Caller A couple of days.

36:13 Adam All right. What do you do? Okay.

36:15 Mario Van Peebles Do we get her another dog?

36:16 Adam There's going to be another funeral too by the way. Now, she'll know the difference. Here's what you do. Listen to me, man. If she's coming home, let's say noon, about 11.30, kick open an exterior door and spread some ketchup on your forehead, knock over something and just be lying there on the floor, and just say home invasion type scene. Somebody came in, you don't know what went on. Then when she finds the dog dead, you start crying. Start crying and then look up and yell, take me.

36:49 Drew How about getting a nice golden retriever puppy and just have it in the back room after you.

36:52 Adam What?

36:53 Caller Go get her another one?

36:54 Drew No.

36:54 Adam I don't know. Chicks will freak.

36:56 Mario Van Peebles You got to let it go through that period.

36:57 Adam She's got to mourn.

36:58 Mario Van Peebles I don't think there's an easy way around this. I think you have to pick her up and say, look, I got something I need to tell you. I don't know how to tell you. Just like you're talking to us now. I don't think there's an easy way to do it and it's going to take time.

37:10 Adam She's going to be pissed. Well, this is just nature taking its course, by the way.

37:14 Mario Van Peebles You guys are cat people and dog people.

37:16 Adam My cat just kicked the ass out of your dog. Oh my God. How humiliating. All right. Listen. I'm glad one less chihuahua on this planet. I hate those little rats. Bug-eyed little pieces of ass. You ever see those things? They're yapping all the time. They're pissed off. They're the world's worst dogs. They really are. I mean, why even have a dog if you're going to have a chihuahua? I mean, does that mean you like dogs? Or does that mean you like rats with bulgy eyes?

37:42 Drew You like commercials.

37:43 Adam Yeah. Yeah. It's heinous, those beasts. All right. Mario Van Peebles is our guest tonight from Rude Awakening on tomorrow night or Thursday night, depending where you're listening and when you're listening. Ten o'clock show time. We'll take a little break. When we come back, we'll talk to Beth, who itches and burns down there after this. Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Mario Van Peebles is our guest tonight.

38:42 Mario Van Peebles All right.

38:44 Adam You can find him in Rude Awakening Showtime, 10 o'clock Thursday nights, and on TNN at four in the morning on Jaws of Revenge.

38:52 Drew That's what it's called.

38:53 Mario Van Peebles Oh wow, we're dragging that dead fisher out.

38:56 Adam Getting dragged down to the bottom of the jaws.

38:58 Mario Van Peebles Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

39:00 Drew And Beth is 14.

39:01 Adam Beth?

39:02 Yeah?

39:03 Adam You're 14, you got a little itch and a burn down there?

39:06 Caller Yeah.

39:07 Adam You're now officially an adult, sweetie.

39:09 Drew Are you sexually active?

39:10 Yeah.

39:11 Drew How long ago did you have an encounter? Relations?

39:15 Caller Two days ago.

39:18 Drew And it's been burning since?

39:20 Caller No, before it was a little.

39:22 Drew New guy?

39:23 Caller Huh?

39:23 Drew New guy?

39:24 Caller No.

39:25 Drew Same guy.

39:26 Caller Yeah.

39:26 Drew You guys using condoms?

39:27 Caller No.

39:28 Drew Are you using any kind of birth control?

39:30 Caller No.

39:31 Drew Do you want to get pregnant?

39:32 Caller Huh?

39:32 Drew You want to get pregnant?

39:33 Caller No.

39:34 Adam She thought it was a trick question.

39:35 Drew First of all, you still have another 24 hours to get the morning after pill, so why don't you do that so this last encounter doesn't result in a pregnancy?

39:43 Caller Okay.

39:44 Adam Can you do that, please?

39:46 Caller Yeah.

39:47 Adam And Beth, what's your plan, honey?

39:49 Caller What do you mean?

39:51 Adam I mean for world domination.

39:52 Drew The guy's got to be 19.

39:54 Caller No.

39:55 Adam If you close your eyes, can you still see the headliner of his van?

40:00 Caller No.

40:00 Adam No. How old is this guy?

40:02 Caller He's 15.

40:04 Adam Oh, boy. I hate hearing about 15-year-old guys getting laid. I really do. And what's the plan with unprotected sex? I mean, you're going to get pregnant, right?

40:15 Drew Right. You may already, well, you have another day to protect yourself.

40:18 Adam Maybe you already are.

40:18 Drew Yeah.

40:19 Adam I mean, what are you thinking? I mean, here's the thing, Beth. Here's what I'm going to say to you and all the other Beths that are listening to this show. And I mean that sort of metaphorically. Our listeners are kind of stoned. They're probably tuning out if their name isn't Beth right now. Here's what I'm saying. Whenever it is you decide to begin to become sexually active, you're now an adult. And you have to sort of act that way. It's like when you drive, you got to have insurance, you got to be sober, you got to put your seatbelt on. You're now driving, you're now joining everyone else on the highway. You've gotten onto this sex freeway now. You understand? And you've got to do all the things that everyone else does and the responsible people do.

41:01 Drew And now that for you, in addition to getting the morning after bill, it's also going to include getting a pelvic exam. Young women get cervical cancer. And now you might have a sexually transmitted disease too. That's what it sounds like. So you have to go in and get checked out.

41:15 Mario Van Peebles Can you do that? Do you know where to go?

41:16 Caller No.

41:17 Adam How about going to Planned Parenthood?

41:21 Caller Okay.

41:21 Mario Van Peebles Well, what are you worried about? Someone finding out?

41:24 Caller Yeah.

41:24 Adam Yeah, no one's going to find out. You just got to go down there and throw yourself on the mercy of the court there, right?

41:31 Mario Van Peebles Okay. Beth, if you don't do it, if you're too scared to do it, this problem's not going to go away. It'll get worse.

41:37 Drew Right. Or you'll get pregnant and you're going to have to talk to people about it then.

41:42 Adam Okay.

41:43 Drew Now's your chance for a little confidentiality.

41:45 Mario Van Peebles I would go in there quick and quietly and just do Nike and just do it.

41:51 Adam Here's the deal, Beth. This may be uncomfortable and it may be humiliating. It may be a whole bunch of things, but it is a one compared to what it could be with the sexually transmitted disease and the possible pregnancy. All right?

42:06 Drew A one on the scale of 10. You understand?

42:08 Adam I meant on 100, 150 actually. That's my scale. 145.

42:12 Mario Van Peebles Beth, I know you're scared I can hear, but you really got to go ahead, okay?

42:15 Caller Okay.

42:16 Adam Tomorrow.

42:16 Drew Here's a number, 1-800.

42:18 Caller Oh, hold on.

42:20 Drew I don't like that. I like that.

42:21 Adam The hold on part? Yeah, most are, let's just go, yeah.

42:24 Drew Yeah. Okay, what's the number?

42:28 Mario Van Peebles Ready, Beth?

42:30 Caller Okay.

42:31 Drew 1-800. 2-3-0. You can hear her writing the number. P-L-A-N.

42:40 Caller Okay. Okay.

42:42 Adam Sounds like you when you're doodling and you get bored during the show. All right, Beth, you call that number, okay?

42:47 Caller Okay.

42:47 Mario Van Peebles And go ahead and just tell them exactly what you told us and get it done.

42:51 Adam All right.

42:51 Caller Okay.

42:52 Adam And let's never have sex again, okay?

42:54 Mario Van Peebles No.

42:54 Caller Okay, thank you.

42:54 Adam All right, thank you. Well, that was great. It was like a scared straight. Say, bitch, give me your shoes and your diaphragm. Here's my eye. All right. Here's my eye. What happened to scared straight? I missed that. Jason? Yeah. You're 22. Did a guy pull his eye out? Yeah. You know, I lost that. I tripped in a bathhouse and a penis got me, right? No. A roommate put a shiv in it. There you go. Jason? You're 22. Here's the thing about losing an eye, by the way, if anyone has an eye that they've lost and they want to tell me, ask me how I think they've lost it. Don't need to. I always imagine the worst when it comes to losing eyes. There's no good lose an eye scenario. It's not like someone threw a cream donut at me and it got infected. You know what I'm saying? It all involves a stick shift of a car or a knife or a sprinkler head and a ride along mower. You know what I'm saying? It's all bad. Don't need to hear it.

43:51 Drew Or a gun, some sort of.

43:52 Adam Anything. It's all bad, the lose an eye stories. Jason? Yeah. You're 22.

43:57 Caller First off, I want to say, all y'all guys are full of hell. Thanks. I got two questions in the comment, if I can.

44:05 Adam All right.

44:06 Okay.

44:07 Caller The comment, all a chihuahua is, is a rat on acid.

44:12 Adam All right. And what's the two questions? Let me want to process that.

44:16 Caller Okay. The first question.

44:17 Drew I don't even acknowledge it.

44:18 Adam Oh, a chihuahua is a rat on acid. I see. I got it now. Okay.

44:22 Caller Okay.

44:22 Adam That's good.

44:23 Caller The first question is, I've been married for probably a year.

44:28 Adam It's really a rat on speed is what a chihuahua is, but go ahead.

44:31 Drew Probably a year?

44:32 Caller Excuse me?

44:33 Drew You've been married probably a year?

44:34 Caller About a year and a half.

44:35 Adam Okay.

44:36 Caller And I haven't messed around with my wife or nothing, own my wife or nothing. And probably in the last eight months, I've had what looks like moles come up on my penis.

44:49 Drew Means something colored.

44:51 Caller They're like a whitish color.

44:53 Drew Whitish.

44:53 Caller Yeah.

44:53 Adam You don't think they're warts?

44:55 Caller I don't know what they are.

44:56 Adam Okay.

44:56 Drew They're probably warts.

44:57 Adam You haven't messed around?

44:59 Caller No. And when we got checked out to get married, because we had to, they said I didn't have nothing.

45:04 Drew Well, your wife might have warts. Didn't know it.

45:06 Adam You had to get checked out to get married?

45:08 Caller Yes.

45:08 Drew How do they check you out?

45:10 Caller They do probably about 20. They test for a bunch of different... Yeah.

45:14 Drew But how does that go? No, no. Come on. They don't check your genitalia.

45:18 Caller Yes. They do?

45:20 Adam And who did that? The priest?

45:22 Caller No. The health department. It's a requirement where I live at to get married.

45:27 Adam Did you get married out of prison? No.

45:29 Drew Okay.

45:29 Adam Hold on a second. What the hell is he talking about?

45:32 Drew I have no idea.

45:34 Adam You get married, you get a-

45:35 Mario Van Peebles Is he in the military?

45:36 Drew They used to require a VDRL, a syphilis test.

45:38 Adam Did you get like a blood test?

45:39 Drew HIV, yeah.

45:40 Adam Do they still do a blood test?

45:41 Drew No, they don't do that anymore. Well, it depends on your state, but-

45:44 Adam Okay. Oops. Where the hell am I? Jason? Yeah. Okay. Well, anyway. All right. So now you got something on your penis. All right. Well, you didn't do anything.

45:53 Caller I haven't.

45:54 Adam And you're thinking maybe your wife did?

45:56 Caller No, I don't. I'm just curious to know what it is.

45:59 Mario Van Peebles Well, either way, you got to get it checked out. Right. Forgetting what the source is. The bottom line is you need to get it checked out.

46:04 Drew Probably warts. Probably something where I've had. Didn't know it.

46:06 Mario Van Peebles No. What are warts, man? What's that?

46:07 Adam It's something my penis does not have.

46:10 Drew General warts. About 30% of the people carry it.

46:14 Adam 29% now. Drew checked mine on the air the other night.

46:18 Drew Because I was convinced he had warts because he should have them. Yeah.

46:21 Adam I really should.

46:21 Drew And they cause cervical cancer.

46:23 Adam I should have a college diploma, too.

46:25 Drew It's a certain number of the ward viruses and it's a serious health issue. It's very common right now.

46:29 Adam You went through to check your penis, partner? Yeah.

46:32 Drew I'm kind of bored. I need all the equipment again.

46:36 Adam All right. I don't know what Jason's second question is, but I don't know. I'm not interested in it. Is anyone interested?

46:43 Mario Van Peebles No. What's the second question?

46:44 Drew We got to take a break.

46:45 Adam We got to take a break. Real fast. Jason? Second question. Real fast.

46:48 Caller All right. I got a problem. I cannot, every time me and my wife have sex, it takes me probably an hour, hour and a half to get off, and now it's just to the point where I rarely get off.

46:58 Drew Are you on any medication?

46:59 Caller No.

47:00 Mario Van Peebles Do you masturbate at all?

47:01 Caller Yes, I do.

47:02 Mario Van Peebles Ah, leave it alone. Stop.

47:04 Adam All right. And maybe you're not getting a tight fit. You do what I do. You wrap a towel around your pants before you go in.

47:10 Caller All right?

47:11 Adam Get a little extra grab. You know what I'm saying? Like when you're trying to open a pickle jar, you know? Get an extra grip on there.

47:18 Caller Okay.

47:18 Adam All right, Jason.

47:19 Drew Bye-bye.

47:19 Adam Thank you very much.

47:20 Drew I'm trying to figure out where he lives.

47:21 Mario Van Peebles Oh, who cares?

47:22 Drew Leprechaun. Yeah, Russia.

47:25 Adam Mario Van Peebles is our guest. Mario is going home.

47:27 Mario Van Peebles Hey, I actually had a little advice for them. Yeah, it was good. Was that cool? Did I come up with a couple things?

47:31 Adam That was solid. Mario, I want to thank you for coming in. I'm told that you were just staying for the first hour. And you know that, right? Okay, don't play soup. I just don't want everyone to think I'm rushing you out of here.

47:46 Mario Van Peebles No, no, no. This is good. I have enough information to last you well.

47:51 Adam Rude Awakenings, everybody. Thursday night's Showtime, 10 o'clock. And Mario, thanks for coming in.

47:56 Mario Van Peebles Okay, partner.

47:57 Adam And we'll see you soon. Yeah, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Mario Van Peebles is just left from Root Awakenings. And I was talking to his manager, his publicist or something a second ago. And when Mario came in, I said, I haven't seen you since Hollywood Squares, but it wasn't Hollywood Squares I saw him on. It was Pictionary. And I remember doing Pictionary with him a good three years ago. And then I thought back to my Pictionary experience.

49:20 Drew Wasn't very good.

49:22 Adam None of my, I'll tell you the two places I don't shine, well, there's probably more than two. Well, three if you count the library, but you know, on TV.

49:33 Drew Jeopardy.

49:33 Adam Game shows. Game shows. Oh, that I'm on. And award shows. Not my audience for the most part. I normally don't have great outings on either one of those, but especially game shows. Don't forget Conan. Oh, and Conan. Thanks, Anderson.

49:49 Mario Van Peebles Oh, thank god Anderson's here.

49:50 Drew So Anderson, so that would be talk shows, game shows, award shows.

49:54 Adam Right. The only show, I shine on our shows that I actually make for myself. But here's my point. Pictionary, I was thinking back on, and you know, you draw the picture, and your celebrity panel guesses as to what it is, the phrases that you're trying to say. And it's usually some sort of adage or something.

50:13 Drew Was he the one up there drawing that you complained about?

50:15 Adam No, and how dare you. I was drawing, and my first one was a memory, sorry, an elephant never forgets. And I remember thinking, okay, I'm drawing an elephant, and I drew that goddamn elephant, and it still took him 20 minutes to get the elephant. But then, never and forgets, I don't know how you draw never is a symbol.

50:38 Drew You know what I would do? I'd put a head with a light bulb over it, and I'd cross it, and I'd put the no parking sign over it.

50:43 Adam Right, right, but let me tell you something.

50:44 Drew Two seconds, you can't do that.

50:46 Adam Well, no, here's what happens. I even tried this with somebody, because what happens is everyone does this armchair quarterback. And they go, ah, let me tell you what I would have done. Here's what I would have done. But I've tested it before. I've go, OK, listen, call someone in from the next room. Go ahead and draw that. And so what they got is an elephant, an idea. Bad idea, bad elephant. Elephant Einstein, elephant inventor, elephant Edison.

51:09 Drew So you had somebody do that one.

51:10 Adam Elephant electricity, electricity elephant. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't work. You can't draw, it never forgets. I drew this godforsaken elephant. And all I was drawing was an arrow to the elephant's head. And it was like, elephant head, elephant eye, elephant trunk, elephant mouth. No, and then I'd circle like the brain, elephant brain, elephant things, thinking elephant, thinking like an elephant. And it's always bad too, because after a while, someone will swear they have it. You know, like, oh, oh, oh, elephantitis. And you go, uh, yeah, no, no, it's not it, no.

51:47 Drew I wish that were it.

51:47 Adam Yeah, elephant never forgets. And the other thing that's funny about doing the pictionary thing is, your Rembrandt, your Picasso in your mind, your hand, your hand is that of a retarded train conductor who's been dead for many years. But your mind, your mind's an exquisite, fine artist. All right, so you get this thing like this. You go, they go, green grass at Kentucky. And you think to yourself, okay, Kentucky. Ah, I'll draw Colonel Sanders.

52:19 Drew Horses running through fields.

52:20 Adam I'll draw Colonel Sanders. I'll draw him on the bucket of chicken. So I'll get Kentucky fried chicken out of that. And then I'll draw some grass.

52:29 Drew Then you'll have the zigzag man.

52:31 Adam So you're drawing, yeah, you're drawing this thing. And this thing looks nothing like Colonel Sanders. It looks like Uncle Jesse from the Dukes of Hazard. And people are yelling, Santa, Saint Nick, Saint Nick, Santa. It's like, no, and you're trying to draw the bucket. It looks like Santa's looking out of a window. You don't know how retarded you are. And in your mind, like I said, you're picturing a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken, and you just say, mind, tell the hand just to do his thing, man. But your hand is all over the goddamn place.

53:07 Drew And the other beauty of that show was everyone saw it. What was that all about?

53:12 Adam What do you mean?

53:13 Drew Everybody seemed to have seen that episode.

53:14 Adam I know, it's really humiliating. James? James, turn your radio down.

53:20 Drew He's gotta wait six seconds till he hears us talking. Wait a minute.

53:23 Adam I'll put him on hold and then he can turn that back down. See, he should have heard it by now, right?

53:27 Drew Yeah.

53:28 Adam Right, should we get back to him?

53:29 Drew Yeah, yeah.

53:29 Adam Maybe he's walking over to the right.

53:31 Drew All right.

53:31 Adam James?

53:32 Turn it down.

53:34 Drew See, he's following instructions.

53:35 Adam James at 18, what's going on?

53:38 Caller I've been married since I was 18 and I had this problem during penetration. My genital was swollen and the big train can't conduct.

53:52 Adam Yeah, I know he's an idiot. Yeah, and all his friends were goofing off in the background. His genital's swollen.

53:58 Drew Yeah.

54:00 Adam I like when young tards call in and try to goof on us. So what they think is, I'll just go ahead and use a little medical lingo, trying to make myself sound legitimate, except for I have a fifth grade education, so I can't pull it off. So he says stuff like my genital was swollen. Brian? Brian?

54:18 Oh, yeah.

54:19 Adam Yeah, you're 16. What's up?

54:21 Caller Yeah, I have a problem. Like, I've been noticing that I sometimes get, like, pimples on my dick and, like, I was wondering, like, what it was or what I could do about it.

54:31 Drew They're pimples.

54:32 Caller Yeah.

54:32 Drew Right.

54:32 Adam Right.

54:33 Drew There you go.

54:34 Adam What should he do about it?

54:35 Drew Keep it clean. Don't mess with them when they pop up. They look carbuncle.

54:40 Adam How about putting a little Oxy-10 on there?

54:42 Drew No, because it's not acne. It's a little skin and follicle infection, really.

54:47 Adam Yeah, but doesn't that stuff just kind of dry out no matter what it is? Too delicate down there? Don't want to monkey?

54:52 Drew No. Just hot water, hot compresses, that kind of thing. Keep it clean. That's it. Don't monkey. Don't monkey.

54:59 Adam All right. Michelle?

55:01 Caller Hi.

55:01 Adam You're 16. What's up?

55:02 Caller Yeah. My question is more for Dr. Drew.

55:06 Caller My dad is never around for me and it really hurts my feelings and I need to know what to do.

55:12 Drew What does that mean he's never around?

55:14 Caller He doesn't care.

55:15 Caller He's not here. My parents were divorced five, six years ago.

55:18 Drew He just abandoned you since then?

55:20 Caller Pretty much. He didn't call me.

55:22 Drew Wow.

55:22 Caller Never talks to me.

55:24 Caller Doesn't want anything to do with me.

55:25 Adam Yeah. Yeah. That's bad.

55:27 Drew Yeah. Okay.

55:28 Caller Pretty much.

55:30 Drew Here's your job.

55:31 Caller Okay.

55:32 Drew Your dad is a bad guy and we're sorry about that. But now your job is to not make, A, not try to fix that with another guy and not make every male you meet your dad.

55:44 Caller Okay.

55:45 Drew That's the challenge. Really.

55:48 Adam Can you do that?

55:49 Caller Yeah.

55:49 Caller I can do that.

55:50 Drew Because otherwise, you're going to automatically be attracted to guys like your dad who will also abandon you.

55:55 Caller Yeah.

55:55 Caller I've noticed that.

55:56 Adam Yeah. And listen, I know what it's like. I have a element of that myself and my psyche, which is, hey, if your own parents don't like you, who's going to like you?

56:06 Caller Yeah.

56:07 Adam It doesn't work that way. People will like you anyway. They're actually better than your parents. Or at least your dad.

56:13 Drew Yeah. And you have to be open to letting them in. Or else you can't get the nourishment you need emotionally.

56:20 Caller Should I say anything to him? Because I've tried to before.

56:23 Caller Like, I've tried to say, you know, Dad, this really hurts my feelings.

56:25 Caller He doesn't care. He honestly could care less.

56:27 Drew Well, you've already said that. So he's a dick. And what more are you going to say? You've learned that about him.

56:33 Adam Yeah. You got to let it go. I mean, I know it sounds cliche. But you're going to get frustrated every time you go back at him.

56:41 Drew Yeah.

56:41 Adam He's an idiot. He's in his own form of hell. Believe you me, he's only doing it because he's a broken empty person.

56:49 Drew You have a chance to change this. You're aware of it. You know it's not right. You know there's better things for you out there.

56:56 Adam All right.

56:56 Caller Thank you for all your help. And Drew, I'd like to say, I think you are the most intelligent, most caring, kindest person. Thank you very much.

57:03 Adam He's nice all right, but smart.

57:05 Caller Oh, me too.

57:06 Adam The jury's still out.

57:07 Drew Thank you, Michelle.

57:08 Caller All right. Thanks.

57:08 Adam Bye. All right. Drew is so smart. Yeah, you're pretty smart. No instincts, but smart.

57:13 Drew Keep me well-educated.

57:14 Adam Alicia, I'll give you that. Yeah, but it's just because you didn't smoke a lot of weed.

57:19 Drew No, I had a world-class education. I really did.

57:22 Adam I know, but I think to myself, I think about all the trauma I've put my poor head through over the years, boxing, football, pot, drugs, stuff like that. You know what I mean? Yeah.

57:32 Drew You can be a lot smarter.

57:33 Adam I think I can be smarter. Alicia?

57:36 Caller Hi.

57:36 Adam You're 14. What's up with you?

57:38 Caller My boyfriend is obsessed over me and he's been my best friend for the longest time, for two years.

57:43 Drew How old is he?

57:44 Caller He's 14.

57:45 Adam 20. I knew he was young.

57:47 Caller He's a month older than me. I see. I went to work last Saturday and he snuck out of his house to come and see me at work. He told me, he told his mom and she was like, okay, that was okay. But then he ended up sneaking out of his house, coming to see me, and he never told me about this. And then like...

58:07 Drew So he was just sort of observing you and not letting you know that he was there?

58:09 Caller No, he actually like came. I invited him to lunch and he like asked his mom and she said that was okay. But he ended up staying till like six o'clock at night and she was worrying about him all day long.

58:19 Drew And he didn't tell you about that part of the story?

58:21 Caller No, he didn't.

58:22 Drew So what?

58:23 Caller And like we've gotten arguments before, like over like stupid little things like everybody does.

58:29 Drew Yeah.

58:30 Caller And like he'll go home and his friend will call me saying, well, you know your boyfriend sitting there beating himself up, like running into walls, hitting himself with his skateboard because you got in this little fight, right?

58:40 Drew Where'd you guys meet?

58:42 Caller A school.

58:42 Adam A skate park.

58:43 Drew School?

58:44 Caller Yeah.

58:44 Adam All right. So what? You think he's going to kill himself?

58:48 Caller Well, I don't know. I mean, he's capable of anything. I mean, I've helped him with a lot of his anger problems because before he used to like, I mean.

58:56 Adam All right. Well, let me ask you, do you want to break up with him?

58:59 Caller No, not at all.

59:00 Adam Not at all.

59:01 Drew Why not?

59:01 Adam Why not? Yeah.

59:02 Caller Because.

59:03 Adam I want to break up with him. I'm not even dating him.

59:05 Caller I've had like four other boyfriends and most of them, they've all had some type of.

59:10 Drew Anger problem.

59:11 Caller Problem. No, like some type of problem with me. Like most of them, my first boyfriend didn't want to talk to me. Like my second boyfriend, he was just into the whole, I want to be sexual thing. And I was like, no, get away from me. And then my last boyfriend, he was another one that didn't talk to me. And him, he was like totally open. He's sweet to me. He doesn't want to get into like sexual stuff or anything.

59:34 Adam All right. Where's your dad? And when did he rape you?

59:37 Caller He never did, no.

59:39 Adam Well, what's up with you?

59:41 Caller I'm fine.

59:42 Adam You are?

59:43 Caller Yeah.

59:43 Adam All right.

59:44 Drew No, wait a minute. I'm going to make another stab at this. Do you have a bunch of siblings?

59:48 Caller I only have one. I'm an honor student too.

59:50 Drew No, no, I got all that.

59:51 Adam One big fat one?

59:52 Drew No, but you're-

59:53 Adam Maybe you're getting weight, a combined weight.

59:55 Drew No, what I'm getting is that she's the parent in the family. She's taking care of everybody, right?

59:59 Caller No, not really. My mom just recently got fired though. And I mean, my little brother, he's nothing. I mean, he's a great little kid.

1:00:08 Drew You're not busy taking care of everybody in the family?

1:00:10 Caller No, not at all.

1:00:11 Adam I remember when my mom got fired. Oh, wait a minute, they just didn't send welfare check one week. It was more of a laid off, I think.

1:00:18 Caller Well, they did it because she just got a medical problem and they don't want to take care of it.

1:00:25 Drew What's her medical problem?

1:00:26 Adam Alcohol.

1:00:26 Caller She has fibromyalgia and stuff like that.

1:00:28 Drew Yeah, okay.

1:00:29 Adam Hold on a second. What's that fibromyalgia? That's another nonsense disease that really crazy people have?

1:00:34 Drew Depression, yeah.

1:00:35 Adam Right up there with the Epstein-Barr virus?

1:00:37 Drew Same.

1:00:37 Adam Yeah. I don't know why we insist on legitimizing lazy, tired and depressed. It's depressed.

1:00:46 Drew It's a syndrome of which depression is a feature. It probably has a psychiatric basis to it, but it is its own unique syndrome.

1:00:54 Adam All right. She doesn't want to break up with him?

1:00:57 Drew But she's got to be taking care of that mom her whole life.

1:00:59 Adam Okay.

1:00:59 Drew So that's where the caretaker comes from.

1:01:01 Adam Okay. Then don't break up with him. You don't want to break up with him. He does anything violent toward you or even close, you break up with him.

1:01:07 Drew But didn't you get like 28 from her? She was mom.

1:01:10 Adam She's the caretaker. All right. Where are we? Three?

1:01:13 Drew Edward.

1:01:14 Adam Edward?

1:01:15 Yeah.

1:01:15 Adam You're 14?

1:01:16 Caller Yeah.

1:01:16 Adam What's up?

1:01:18 Caller Okay. I've been noticing like a little like break out of bumps like next to my sack. I was just wondering.

1:01:24 Adam That's your penis.

1:01:25 Caller Yeah. I was just wondering if it was a normal rash or an STD.

1:01:30 Drew Are you sexually active?

1:01:31 Caller Yeah.

1:01:32 Adam You are?

1:01:33 Caller Yeah.

1:01:34 Adam Who are you screwing?

1:01:36 Caller Your stuffed turtle?

1:01:37 Caller I haven't had sex yet.

1:01:39 Caller Who are you having sex with?

1:01:40 Drew What do you think? Just for laughs. What do you think I meant when I said are you sexually active?

1:01:45 Caller Like if I ever got a blow job or anything like that.

1:01:48 Adam You got a BJ, you son of a bitch?

1:01:52 Caller Really?

1:01:53 Caller Yeah.

1:01:53 Adam Who was that? The inlet on the jacuzzi or was that a person?

1:01:57 Caller It was a person.

1:01:58 Adam Who was on the other side of the inlet on the jacuzzi? No. What did this guy look like?

1:02:04 Caller It's a girl.

1:02:07 Adam He said he was a girl.

1:02:10 Drew You just don't want to believe it.

1:02:11 Adam I can't believe it. I can't believe a 14 year old with this voice is getting a BJ.

1:02:15 Drew I can't believe it because it's so outlandish. You can't believe it because you're jealous.

1:02:19 Adam Damn right I'm jealous. I'd like to kill myself and come back as a high schooler. So Edward?

1:02:26 Caller Yeah.

1:02:26 Adam Well, you could have got something from the BJ, but we doubt it.

1:02:30 Drew Yeah. Don't worry.

1:02:31 Caller Okay.

1:02:31 Drew All right?

1:02:32 Caller Yeah.

1:02:32 Adam All right. Jesus Christ. Oops. Go ahead. All right. Gabby?

1:02:40 Yeah.

1:02:40 Adam You're 19? What's up there, Gabby?

1:02:44 Caller Every time I get with a guy, I cheat on him and I'm not talking about kissing. I'm talking about-

1:02:52 Adam Cornholeing? Yeah.

1:02:54 Caller Then it's like I can't say no. I don't know. I like to have sex. I do, but it's just like I do too much, I think.

1:03:04 Adam Yeah.

1:03:04 Drew If you're cheating in relationships you want to preserve, that's a problem, right?

1:03:08 Caller I think, yeah.

1:03:09 Adam Do they find out?

1:03:10 Caller No.

1:03:12 Adam They never find out?

1:03:13 Caller No.

1:03:13 Adam Oh, you're good. You mean it then. Now hold on a second.

1:03:16 Drew Yeah, she's not trying to sabotage-

1:03:18 Adam See, there's a difference. When it's payback time or when it's sabotage time, they make sure they find out.

1:03:24 Drew I'm guilty. I've got to tell my boyfriend about it.

1:03:26 Adam Yeah, if you're a girl, if your man has either cheated on you or been ignoring you or not listening to you or not meeting your needs and you've been talking to him for a while and he still ain't listening, when you cheat then, you make sure he finds out because that's the reason you cheated.

1:03:40 Drew Magically, you're guilty and have to tell.

1:03:42 Adam Right.

1:03:42 Drew Magically.

1:03:43 Adam But when young Gabby here says they never find out, she's into cheating. I mean, she's just into getting it on. That's how a guy cheats. Yeah.

1:03:51 Drew Yeah.

1:03:52 Adam Guy doesn't cheat to send a message. Guy cheats to send a message to his Johnson, which is, hey, we're getting late. New Poontang, NP.

1:04:00 Drew Sweeps clean.

1:04:01 Adam Gabby?

1:04:02 Caller Yeah.

1:04:03 Adam All right. So you're really into this.

1:04:05 Caller I like to have sex and it's just like these guys are beautiful. It's just like, okay, you're there.

1:04:10 Adam Hold on a second. I'd love to see these guys.

1:04:12 Caller No, you know what? It's not like-

1:04:13 Adam Yorkie mustache and a big pirate earring. Wearing those tight short-sleeve shirts with the zipper in the front in the short collar.

1:04:22 Caller And there's like-

1:04:22 Adam Driving an eye rock.

1:04:24 Caller Oh, no.

1:04:24 Adam Hot.

1:04:25 Caller I don't go for ugly guys. It's just I can't say no to them. Like we get all into it and then I'll be like, all right, cool. Let's stop. And then it'll just happen. He'll start again and I'll be like, whatever.

1:04:37 Adam Where are you meeting all these guys when you have a boyfriend?

1:04:41 Caller Oh, I was with my co-worker at my boss actually. My boss was with my boyfriend.

1:04:48 Drew What?

1:04:48 Caller Yeah, I was with my boss.

1:04:50 Adam I see.

1:04:50 Drew So it's been only one time you've cheated?

1:04:52 Caller No, I've cheated on him lots of times.

1:04:54 Adam Same boyfriend.

1:04:55 Caller Yeah.

1:04:56 Drew How many times?

1:04:57 Caller Oh my God, like six or seven times.

1:04:59 Drew Over what period of time?

1:05:00 Adam Different guys?

1:05:01 Caller Over two years.

1:05:02 Adam Different guys?

1:05:04 Caller Well, yeah.

1:05:05 Adam Nice. And do you use protection?

1:05:08 Caller Oh yeah, definitely.

1:05:09 Drew Don't you think this relationship is not built on steady ground?

1:05:14 Caller I don't know. For him it is, I guess. I mean, he's sick of it.

1:05:16 Drew No, Gabby, it's BS.

1:05:17 Adam For him it is.

1:05:18 Caller He makes me mad.

1:05:19 Adam It's the same relationship I have with Claudia Schiver. For me, we're on the rock at Gibraltar.

1:05:23 Drew Very solid. He makes you mad?

1:05:25 Caller He makes me extremely mad. And he doesn't try. Why? I just get infuriated and I go off on him.

1:05:33 Adam Oh, hold on a second. You know why she does that? It's to justify and rationalize. Otherwise, you'd feel like a colossal bitch.

1:05:41 Drew If you're a really nice guy.

1:05:42 Adam You'd feel like the world's worst person.

1:05:44 Caller I feel really bad. With other guys, I didn't feel bad. I was like, yeah, whatever.

1:05:48 Drew But you understand, if you get mad at him for being too nice, you feel sort of justified in what you're doing.

1:05:56 Adam Right.

1:05:56 Drew Yeah.

1:05:57 Adam All right. Wow. Where's your dad?

1:05:59 Caller My dad is around.

1:06:01 Adam Around where?

1:06:02 Caller Well, he's not with my mom or anything, but he's around.

1:06:05 Adam All right. You love him?

1:06:06 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:06:07 Adam And I stopped humiliating him. You're disgracing the family. Do you hear me? So you do a little drinking?

1:06:12 Caller No.

1:06:13 Adam Just a little?

1:06:14 Caller No, I don't drink.

1:06:15 Adam What about him?

1:06:16 Caller No, my dad, no way. My dad's like a straight arrow.

1:06:19 Adam Right. He had to sober up after the vehicular manslaughter charges were leveled against him, right?

1:06:24 Caller No, he's straight and narrow all the way.

1:06:26 Adam All right.

1:06:28 Caller So is there's like something wrong with him?

1:06:31 Adam I want you to do something. Look, check down the front of your pants, see if you have a penis, would you?

1:06:37 Caller You know what? That's what my guy friend said. He said, I just act like just like a guy and I talk like a guy.

1:06:41 Drew Well, maybe. Some people biologically accept that.

1:06:44 Adam Same facial hair?

1:06:45 Caller No.

1:06:46 Drew But listen, you don't need a boyfriend right now.

1:06:48 Adam No.

1:06:48 Drew That's the bad thing. You're going to hurt yourself.

1:06:50 Adam Break up with him and you'll no longer be cheating on someone.

1:06:53 Drew Right. At least be making clearer better choices with who you choose to be close to.

1:06:58 Drew It won't be so impulsive and so clandestine.

1:07:01 Adam There's a handful of women who are that way. Yeah. There's a handful of more women who pass through that phase in their life too.

1:07:10 Drew Yeah.

1:07:10 Adam Gabby may be the real McCoy.

1:07:12 Drew Yeah. She sounds like it.

1:07:14 Adam Doesn't sound like she's doing a whole lot of acting out, except for she's acting out a whole lot.

1:07:18 Drew She's doing what a guy with low testosterone levels would do if he could.

1:07:25 Adam Low testosterone levels?

1:07:26 Drew Because if it was high, he'd be on a holy terror.

1:07:29 Adam Right. Sort of limiting himself.

1:07:32 Drew This is low level male with a vagina. Right.

1:07:36 Adam I think I have pretty high testosterone, but I always put some estrogen in with my cereal in the morning, and it kind of keeps me balanced. You know what I'm saying?

1:07:46 Drew Yeah. The esterose?

1:07:47 Adam Yeah. You know what I like to do now, now that I'm literally a millionaire and a big celebrity and everything? I like to do things, sort of mundane pedestrian things like water my lawn and wash my car and that kind of stuff.

1:08:01 Caller Yeah.

1:08:01 Drew The things that the little people do.

1:08:02 Caller Little people do.

1:08:04 Adam Then I like to tell people that I do it because it keeps me grounded. Any time you can do something and say you do it because it keeps you grounded, it makes it seem as if you're really up there and really a power broker.

1:08:20 Drew Humming, I wonder what the king is doing tonight while you're out there washing your car.

1:08:23 Adam Right. Yeah. So it's good. I like that. I do the ass that I'm either too cheap to pay anyone or I just can't get anyone to do myself. But then when someone sees me do it, I explain that I do it to keep myself grounded. I suggest you all do the same. Jason?

1:08:38 Caller Yeah.

1:08:39 Adam It was funny when I was doing construction, you never needed any grounding. I was actually in the ground. What's up, Jason?

1:08:47 Caller I was just wondering if I report like my dad, he's hit me a bunch of times and I wanted to know what would happen if I were to actually report it.

1:08:56 Drew Department of Social Services would come over there and take an evaluation.

1:08:59 Caller Okay, because I've been really tempted to, but I just don't want him to lose his job and things like that.

1:09:05 Drew No, I don't think that would happen, unless he's in childcare or something, but I would strongly urge you to do it. It's not okay for people to strike kids.

1:09:14 Caller Right.

1:09:14 Adam All right. How long has he been doing this?

1:09:18 Caller Actually, it's been since I was little, but it's pretty infrequent, like maybe once every couple of months or so.

1:09:23 Adam Yeah. Do you think you could take him?

1:09:25 Caller Actually, the last time I did hit him back, so.

1:09:27 Drew Yeah. That's the other way to deal with this.

1:09:29 Adam He might be able to kick his ass now. How old is he?

1:09:33 Caller He's in his 50s.

1:09:34 Adam Oh, yeah. You give that geezer a good thrashing.

1:09:38 Caller I've been fighting back lately, but it's just not worth it to me, and I somehow wanted to learn his lesson.

1:09:43 Adam What does he do? Does he drink?

1:09:45 Caller No, not at all. Never.

1:09:47 Drew It's hard, Jason, when you've been paralyzed since you were four to then suddenly come out with a burst of energy against this.

1:09:52 Adam Sober beatings. What does he do?

1:09:54 Caller I don't know. He's just really bad with his anger.

1:09:56 Adam What does he do for a living?

1:09:58 Caller He's an engineer, but just regular in an office, but it's...

1:10:04 Adam How about you getting out of the house at 18?

1:10:06 Caller You know what? I'm leaving now, and so it's not really that much of an issue, but I just don't like...

1:10:11 Drew Do you have any younger siblings?

1:10:13 Caller No, I don't. Luckily, I'm the youngest.

1:10:14 Adam You're going off to college?

1:10:15 Caller Yeah, I am.

1:10:16 Adam Yeah, it's funny. There's a little white-collar violence here. I like that.

1:10:20 Drew Could you and your older siblings confront him?

1:10:22 Caller No, they don't really take a stand on it, and actually I haven't been talking to him, which is why there hasn't been too much confrontation lately.

1:10:31 Adam Where's your mom in all this? Hiding?

1:10:34 Caller She's in the middle of it, and she gets it from both sides. She gets it from me, and she gets it from my dad. Not physical abuse, but just the...

1:10:41 Adam Well, you provide the emotional abuse, and he comes with the physical. How the hell does it work though that a dad who's an engineer, sits in an office all day, comes home and whacks around his 18-year-old son?

1:10:53 Caller I have no idea, but that's just the way he is.

1:10:57 Adam The last time he hit you, what was this?

1:10:59 Drew What was he arguing about?

1:11:00 Caller It was because I didn't wear a belt.

1:11:04 Adam Well, now hold on now. If you're going to be running around town as suspenders, I could see where a father these days would raise a hand to that. I mean, I'd get a good beating too if I showed up at my dad's place without a belt on. And so he didn't have anything to beat you with? Was that his complaint? You had to go to the closet to get a belt?

1:11:21 Caller No, I don't know. He just gets mad that I disobey him pretty much.

1:11:25 Adam Yeah. Well, it's tough because you hate him.

1:11:28 Caller I do.

1:11:29 Adam Yeah, well, you should.

1:11:30 Caller He knows it. It's kind of nice.

1:11:33 Adam All right, Jason, you go off to college, and God willing one day you beat your own kids, okay?

1:11:38 Drew No.

1:11:38 Caller Thanks a lot.

1:11:39 Drew Be amongst the 40% that don't do it.

1:11:41 Adam Just get the hell out of there.

1:11:44 Caller I'm really not looking to be anything like him.

1:11:46 Drew Good, good, good.

1:11:47 Adam That's good. That's healthy. You're smart. You'll be fine. Maybe gay, but fine.

1:11:51 Drew The ones that become like that are the ones that idealize him. I deserved it.

1:11:55 Adam Right.

1:11:55 Drew He was looking out for my best interest. Had it coming. It was great the way he cared so much to do this to me, which is BS, and those people then go abuse their kids.

1:12:03 Adam What must it be like to have your kids really hate you? Do you know what I mean?

1:12:08 Drew Yeah.

1:12:08 Adam You know what I mean? I mean, at least we're fair enough to be sort of lukewarm on our parents. We could take them or leave them. But to have your kid, your 18-year-old kid, especially as a father, your only son, your youngest son, hates your guts. You know what I mean? So much anger, so much rage and hostility built up against you.

1:12:31 Drew The only way that-

1:12:32 Adam How do you do that? Why do you do it? What's in it for you to have the kid, who you brought on to this planet, who lives under your roof, hates your guts?

1:12:39 Drew It's a validation of your relationship with your dad. Say if you're the beater, it makes your dad okay by bringing that on yourself.

1:12:48 Adam I have no idea what you're talking about.

1:12:49 Drew Identify so strongly with your dad, whom you hate as a way of dealing with that hatred by becoming like him. You feel so guilty and awful for hating your dad. Take all that- You mean one's dad? One's dad.

1:13:00 Adam Yeah.

1:13:00 Drew Idealize it, take it on, become that.

1:13:02 Adam All right. I'm semi-down with that. Yeah. I'm going to pee on that one.

1:13:06 Drew Yeah. Let's go. Let's go.

1:13:06 Adam All right. We'll be back. Yeet, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew. Explaining to Drew during the break what misery really is.

1:13:49 Drew Let's listen to you talk about it.

1:13:52 Adam Oh, wait till I have kids. They're going to be ruined with all my stories of misery.

1:13:58 Drew Oh, the guilt you'll instill in them.

1:14:00 Adam I'm sure my boy's grown gay.

1:14:01 Drew Yeah.

1:14:02 Adam I know he is. I know he is. He has to. Those horrible stories I tell him. Jennifer, you're 23. What's up?

1:14:14 Caller I didn't even look at another man and think he was attractive for two years.

1:14:18 Adam Yeah. For me, it was a year and a half.

1:14:20 Caller But go ahead.

1:14:22 Caller Anyways. Then all of a sudden, I started thinking about guys that I used to hang out with. Then I started thinking, well, wouldn't it be nice to meet up with them again and stuff?

1:14:33 Adam Guys you had relationships with?

1:14:35 Caller Well, friendship relationships with.

1:14:37 Drew What's going wrong with your boyfriend?

1:14:39 Caller With my husband.

1:14:40 Drew Your husband.

1:14:41 Caller My husband. I don't know. Nothing really that he's doing except he works out of town and they don't really get to see him as much as I'd like to.

1:14:51 Drew Which is your husband?

1:14:52 Caller Which is my husband.

1:14:53 Drew You don't live with him?

1:14:54 Caller Yeah, we live together, but he's gone all week and then he comes home on the weekends.

1:15:00 Adam Sounds ideal to me.

1:15:01 Drew That's a non-relationship.

1:15:02 Adam Drew, you could go for that, can't you, buddy?

1:15:04 Drew No, not at all. In fact, what's interesting is guys, we really don't know what relationships need. For us, you take on a job like that, hey, no big deal. I'll see you on the weekends, everything will be fine.

1:15:15 Adam Yeah.

1:15:15 Caller Well, no, he really misses me. He tells me all the time.

1:15:18 Drew Jennifer, no, no, no. The point is relationships need more regular nurturing and connection in order to survive, period.

1:15:25 Caller What do I do before I cheat is my question.

1:15:27 Drew You got to talk to him about changing his job.

1:15:29 Caller Well, but, oh, God.

1:15:30 Drew And you got to be on regular contact with him on the telephone.

1:15:33 Caller Well, yeah, we talk every night.

1:15:35 Drew This is not going to work.

1:15:36 Caller It's not, no. Okay, because he's in this job every year for the last four years that I've been with him besides being married, because we lived together for two years before we got married.

1:15:45 Drew So out of the last four years, he has the entire time been home only on the weekends. No, no, no.

1:15:51 Caller In the summertime, he's in construction. Well, about eight months of the year, he's home during the weekend. I mean, he's home during the weekend and gone during the week.

1:15:57 Adam What's he doing? What kind of construction?

1:15:59 Caller He works over in the Bay Area. And I live in California. He works over in the Bay Area. And he does road construction and stuff like that. I don't really know what he does with his job. He doesn't bring it home because he gets aggravated.

1:16:12 Drew What if he's up to something? That's what she's picking up on, too.

1:16:15 Caller He's up to something?

1:16:16 Adam Well, you know, those guys who lay asphalt get a lot of tail. Tons of tail. The women, they like to smell a tar on them when they come into the bar.

1:16:27 Caller What's going on is he's staying with his parents. So he's like around everybody that he used to know, too.

1:16:33 Adam Well, this guy is quite a catch. Not only does he do roadwork, he does it out of town. Literally and figuratively, this guy does roadwork.

1:16:43 Drew And lives with his parents the rest of the time.

1:16:46 Caller Well, okay.

1:16:48 Adam Does he take his hard hand off when he mounts you, or is he still like that? Is he just turning it backwards?

1:16:54 Caller That's funny. All right.

1:16:57 Drew Listen.

1:16:58 Adam You have any kids? Besides being out of town, is he being good?

1:17:03 Caller Yeah, he's really good to me. He and my son don't get along well.

1:17:07 Drew How old's your son?

1:17:08 Caller My son's six and a half.

1:17:10 Drew Six and a half.

1:17:11 Adam Hold on.

1:17:12 Drew How does a six and a half not get along well with an adult? What does that mean?

1:17:16 Adam Well, this guy does construction. Uh-oh. First off, he's probably referred to as the kid.

1:17:21 Drew Yeah.

1:17:22 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:17:23 Drew Yeah.

1:17:25 Adam Six and a half, she's barely 23 over here.

1:17:28 Drew I'm also starting to think about the guys I see doing roadwork.

1:17:31 Adam Yeah. Oh my God. Jennifer?

1:17:35 Caller Yes.

1:17:37 Adam Is he fat or super skinny? Because there's only two guys who do roadwork, fat guys and super skinny guys.

1:17:42 Drew Fat guys with beards.

1:17:43 Adam No medium build guys.

1:17:45 Caller You guys are going to think I'm lying, but he's in between. He really is. He's not fat and he's not really skinny.

1:17:49 Adam How dare you? He's the only one. They probably use him for the posters.

1:17:53 Drew He just has the fast and slow signs.

1:17:55 Adam He just holds the signs.

1:17:56 Caller But he's not real muscular.

1:17:57 Adam No, they get chicks to do that.

1:17:59 Caller Huh?

1:17:59 Adam They get chicks to do that.

1:18:01 Caller Oh, yeah?

1:18:01 Adam All the road, all the hold the sign thing. It's great. It's like because it's a city funded project, we need X amount of everything. X amount of black guys, X amount of Asians. Actually, no Asians. Asians are like, okay, screw that. Asians and Jews are like, please, how dare you? It's funny. It's so funny. They have all that affirmative action crap, but it's only for Mexican black guys and chicks. Asians and Jews are like, you kidding? I got a good gig already. If you really think about it, how many Asian guys and Jewish guys you see on those affirmative action construction jobs? Just those city funded EEOC nonsense jobs. You know what I mean? Let me tell you. I know I'm going to get more letters, but I worked on these jobs like, we need a black guy. We didn't have a black guy. It was like, you need a black guy. You need a chick. We didn't have a chick. It was like, we got a chick and a black guy, except the thing was they didn't know construction, either one of them. It was like, this one guy's name was Chipper. He was this black guy. He was pretty cool guy. He didn't even have a tool belt. He wore a Gucci belt, a Gucci belt with a tool bag hanging off of it, this poor guy. He was like a, he was a maitre d'etat comedy club or something, but it was like city money, so we got it going on. Now listen, all you screw balls. I'm not saying there's no black guys who can do construction. Oh, there's not a lot of them out here. It's mostly Mexican guys who do construction. And I'm not saying there ain't any white chicks who can do construction or just chicks who can do construction, because there are a handful of lesbians who can swing a hammer out here. But I'm just saying we didn't happen to find any, and we had them forced on us. And lo and behold, they didn't know what the hell they were doing. Three men died because of them on that job. Anyway, yeah, they get the chicks. And the chicks who have to work, because they need X amount of chicks working, they stand there and hold the sign. It says stop or slow. And they just stand out there. They got a hard hat on. And if you found out how much those chicks were getting an hour, you'd be insane. You'd run them right over. I mean, they're literally getting like 22.75 an hour in full benefits or something. All that you got a city funded road construction crap. And what the hell are we talking about, Drew?

1:20:17 Drew You lost her.

1:20:17 Adam Oh, really?

1:20:18 Drew Oh, Jennifer.

1:20:19 Adam Oh, yeah, Jennifer. That's right. Yeah. All right. Listen, don't cheat. OK. There you go. Scott?

1:20:27 Drew Yeah.

1:20:28 Adam You're 21.

1:20:29 Caller Yeah. I just had my testicle removed three days ago and I had sex with my girlfriend last night. And I've had-

1:20:41 Drew Did they mention that that's OK?

1:20:43 Caller You know what? I don't remember, but I don't remember him saying that it was OK or whether it was OK.

1:20:50 Drew Selective memory.

1:20:51 Adam Because you had your fingers in the air and you were going blah, blah, blah, blah, blah while he was talking?

1:20:55 Caller Yeah. I think I was coming out of it. I don't know. I don't know what he was saying when I was coming out of it. Did it hurt? No. When I urinated, it doesn't hurt. It's just red.

1:21:03 Drew When you ejaculated, did it hurt?

1:21:05 Caller You know what? It didn't hurt when I ejaculated.

1:21:08 Adam Why did you have your testicle removed?

1:21:10 Caller I had testicular cancer.

1:21:13 Adam Wow. Three days later, you're back on the horse.

1:21:17 Caller Well, I don't know. My girlfriend and I just kind of...

1:21:20 Adam Yeah. You want to know the difference between men and women? This is it. Hey, you tell a woman who undergoes some procedure in that area.

1:21:27 Drew Oh, forget it.

1:21:27 Adam The doctor tells her to take two weeks off. She's like, Let's make it three. And play it safe. And this guy has three days.

1:21:34 Drew They told her to take six months off.

1:21:35 Adam He's got his Johnson in a splint and his cast on his Nazi sop and on top.

1:21:40 Caller Yeah. I mean, I just kind of want to know what... I mean, I didn't even think that it could affect the bladder. I don't know.

1:21:50 Drew Do they have a catheter in you?

1:21:51 Caller No. No catheter.

1:21:53 Adam Why blood in the urine, Drew?

1:21:54 Drew I don't know. I don't know.

1:21:56 Caller I mean, they go through your abdomen.

1:21:58 Drew Yeah. I know. Well, obviously, there's an association there, but nothing immediately comes to mind as a...

1:22:04 Adam All right. How about getting back to the doctor and ask him what's up?

1:22:08 Drew I wonder if he's just having a slow bleed from the spermatic duct.

1:22:12 Adam Well, he had one of his nuts removed.

1:22:15 Drew Yeah.

1:22:15 Adam So a little blood in the urine.

1:22:17 Drew Would not be a huge surprise.

1:22:19 Adam No. I'd be surprised if I wasn't peeing pure blood. You know what I mean? Like the Shining. What?

1:22:27 Drew The Shining.

1:22:28 Adam Yeah. Remember the Shining. You never saw the Shining. Oh my God. You never saw the Shining. God, Drew. What is up with you, buddy? In the Shining, the elevator doors open and blood just started pouring down in this hall, but it was like a torrent, it was a river and it just filled the entire hall. Oh, see that movie, please. Seth. Seth.

1:22:54 Drew Sleep.

1:22:56 Adam He's 15. You think he's sleeping?

1:23:00 Mario Van Peebles Hello?

1:23:01 Adam All right, goofball, what do you want?

1:23:03 Caller I wanted to know if someone told me that smoking marijuana makes your penis smaller?

1:23:10 Drew Not necessarily. It can lower your testosterone levels, and I guess that might have some impact.

1:23:14 Adam You just eat more, you get fatter, and your penis shrinks and dips into you, inside your belly and big thighs now.

1:23:21 Drew And you can get breasts, that's for sure. All right, thanks.

1:23:26 Adam Hey Seth?

1:23:27 Caller Yeah?

1:23:28 Adam How's the speech in the bait club going for you?

1:23:30 Caller What do you mean?

1:23:32 Adam I mean, are you excelling at it?

1:23:37 Drew What do you mean?

1:23:37 Adam What do you do? Is that it or do you auction off livestock?

1:23:41 Caller There's been no change, I guess.

1:23:44 Adam Okay, buddy. All right, you're fine. Don't smoke any pot, all right?

1:23:48 Caller All right.

1:23:48 Adam Give it a few years, all right, brother?

1:23:50 Caller All right.

1:23:50 Adam Seth, let me explain something. You ain't the life of the party, right?

1:23:56 Caller Yeah.

1:23:56 Adam I mean, your friends don't call you Mr. Personality, do they?

1:23:59 Caller No.

1:23:59 Adam Okay. So, you smoke pot, you're going to sink deeper into that abyss, you understand?

1:24:05 Caller Yeah.

1:24:06 Adam So, stay off the weed. You should be drinking coffee, you understand?

1:24:10 Caller Yeah.

1:24:10 Adam Okay. People don't realize that wherever you are with the weed, you'll be a little bit less.

1:24:16 Drew Yeah.

1:24:17 Adam If you're having a difficulty understanding people, you're having a little trouble holding a conversation, expect more. Expect a little more difficulty if you smoke the weed. All right?

1:24:29 Drew All right. Well, I'll expect it.

1:24:32 Adam Yeah. And take it from me. It's been almost 21 hours.

1:24:39 Drew Since you got out.

1:24:42 Adam But before that, it was a long time. You know what I'm saying?

1:24:45 Drew Sure.

1:24:45 Adam Okay.

1:24:46 Drew 24 hours.

1:24:47 Adam That's right. We'll take a break. Yep, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla, that is P. Whip, Dr. Drew over there. Drew just got off the horn with his wife and a couple of notes on his big brother performance tonight.

1:25:37 Drew She's my best, uh, friend.

1:25:40 Adam Who wants to hit you with this mic?

1:25:41 Drew No, no, no, she really is something I can really try.

1:25:44 Adam Isn't she hated when couples talk about the best friend?

1:25:47 Drew Yeah.

1:25:47 Adam You know what I mean?

1:25:48 Drew We're best friends.

1:25:49 Adam He's my lover. He's my best friend. I'm either vomiting or taking a swing at the purse with the best friend.

1:25:55 Drew No, she gives me honest... Who's giving you honest feedback? Go ahead.

1:26:00 Adam Your wife gives you honest feedback about stuff she hasn't even seen yet. That's what I love about her. You kidding me? So what did she tell you? What did you do wrong?

1:26:08 Drew I didn't like where I was sitting, and I would talk too fast.

1:26:11 Adam She has a sitting thing, yeah. She's giving you notes about your posture.

1:26:15 Drew Yeah, that's good.

1:26:16 Adam Which always makes it seem like you have a broomstick up your ass the next episode, because you ever want to see someone uncomfortable when they're sitting? Have someone sit around, think about sitting while they're sitting. Now they're screwed.

1:26:28 Drew No. In fact, I thought of that too as I came off of that. I talked awfully fast that time.

1:26:32 Adam Well, you get excited, you get going.

1:26:34 Drew Yeah.

1:26:35 Adam Because you're on a real TV station for a change, and you're waiting for them to pull the plug any moment now. You know what it's like? You being on CBS, it's like you're all of a sudden on a date with a supermodel. It's like you're not dating some fat chick from your high school. You're on a date with a supermodel.

1:26:54 Caller It's like, Porsche, open a restaurant, diploma.

1:27:07 Drew No, actually, I feel pretty calm, but I still have a lot to say a little bit at a time.

1:27:12 Adam No, I don't mean you're nervous. I just mean the date with the supermodel is you got to impress. You want to see what you can get in. You're going to be sitting there at dinner for an hour. You want to see how much selling you can do. You're on CBS. You're like a real station, as my grandmother would say. Whenever my grandmother finds out I'm doing something that's not on...

1:27:35 Drew CBS primetime. After Survivor.

1:27:37 Adam Not on cable. I know there's so many people who are watching that don't care, Drew. It is amazing. You have arrived. You really have. You're going to use this as a springboard to nowhere.

1:27:51 Drew About the conversation we're going to have tonight? Screw you.

1:27:54 Adam How dare you. Amy?

1:27:57 Caller Yes.

1:27:57 Adam You're 13?

1:27:58 Caller Yes, I am.

1:27:59 Adam What's up?

1:28:01 Caller My boyfriend Mark has lately been jacking in front of me and my friends.

1:28:08 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy. How old is he? He's 27.

1:28:16 Drew How old is he?

1:28:17 Caller He's also 13. He's been asking me to give him blow jobs a lot lately, and I think we're too young to be sexually active in that sort of way, and I just want to tell him that I'm not interested in that.

1:28:31 Drew Why don't you break up with him?

1:28:32 Adam You know what it sounds like? It sounds like she's reading a prepared statement.

1:28:37 Drew Ladies and gentlemen of the press.

1:28:38 Adam You know when the hostages, the Iranian hostages explained that they've been treated fairly and humanely, but there's a guy just off camera holding a gun at him. I think her dad is standing there, and this guy Mark listens to the show, and she put her up to it. Is that true, Amy?

1:28:59 Caller What?

1:29:00 Adam Does Mark listen to the show?

1:29:02 Caller I wouldn't know. I don't know.

1:29:05 Adam You don't know. He's your boyfriend, but you never had never discussed that with him?

1:29:08 Caller We never discussed Loveline, really.

1:29:10 Adam Thank you.

1:29:11 Drew Why don't you get rid of this guy? Bad news. He has bad news. Why don't you get rid of him?

1:29:15 Caller Well, I like him a lot.

1:29:17 Drew Amy, what's not to love?

1:29:18 Adam All the jacking off and pleads for oral sex.

1:29:22 Caller So you think I should just break up with him?

1:29:25 Drew If he continues his behavior, absolutely.

1:29:27 Adam I think that's all right. He's whacking off in front of your friends?

1:29:29 Caller Yeah.

1:29:30 Adam He gets his penis out?

1:29:31 Caller Yeah. My best friend Monica has seen him at least three times.

1:29:35 Adam Hey, producer Anne, if your husband Doug would... I think Doug's scared to get his penis out just in front of Anne, but if he got his penis out in front of you and your friends started whacking off, how long would it take for you to take a newspaper to go... roll up newspaper and go across that schlong? That's awesome. You know what I mean? Yeah. How much ass kicking would go on the ride home from that party? I just cut it off. Right.

1:29:57 Caller Teach him.

1:29:58 Adam Again.

1:29:58 Caller Never again.

1:30:00 Adam Hey, Amy?

1:30:00 Caller Yeah.

1:30:01 Drew Cut it out further.

1:30:02 Adam If you give... She'd be like, you want me to take another inch? Don't make me. Amy, have you given him oral sex? I'm not.

1:30:11 Drew You have never done that? No, she thinks she's too young for that.

1:30:14 Adam Good, Amy. Amy, really, this guy's... He's out of control. He really reminds me of one of my friends. Okay?

1:30:20 Caller Okay.

1:30:21 Adam Break up with him.

1:30:22 Caller Okay.

1:30:23 Adam He's really begging for it. He's masturbating in front of her friends.

1:30:27 Drew Yeah.

1:30:28 Adam Listen, Chick, if you wear a dorky sweater in front of her friends, that's enough humiliation for her. You're masturbating in front of them? All right. Sheila?

1:30:41 Caller Yeah?

1:30:43 Adam I do like his sort of gumption, though. I must appreciate that. You're 26. What's up?

1:30:50 Caller Well, first of all, I wanted to say, just as you were talking about the women holding the slow signs on road construction, I was driving past one and you had me laughing pretty hard. That was pretty hilarious.

1:31:01 Adam You were just driving past one of the chicks?

1:31:03 Caller Right then. I swear to God, right then. I was driving past one on the freeway, just waving her hand, slow down, slow down. It was pretty classic.

1:31:13 Adam Yeah, it's great. It's like, listen, we need X amount of chicks doing construction. We have to. And it's like, the chicks are like, we don't know how to do construction. Fine, honey, just hold this sign. Good, we're done. It's like some sort of, you know, it's how a lot of people treat religion. It's like, I'm going to be a virgin, I'll get nailed in the ass. We'll just work around it.

1:31:33 Caller I think they chain smoke, too, out there.

1:31:35 Adam Yeah, they just smoke and hold that thing. They're always kind of scary looking. Once in a while, there's not a bad one. But that's trouble. If you had an attractive girlfriend, would you stand out on the road all day? I figure she'd be abducted four or five times a day. That's a slow day of abductions. A lot of truckers driving out of town. You know what I mean? All right, Sheila, sorry.

1:31:59 Caller That's okay. Anyway, I'm 26. I've been divorced for a little over a year. And when I'm a full-time student, and in the summertime, I work full-time. So I can make up for my student loans, the money I don't get during the summer. And I work swing shift late at a hotel. And when...

1:32:20 Adam It sounds like one of those forum stories. Keep going.

1:32:23 Caller So anyway, when...

1:32:25 Adam Debonair gentleman came in one night, yes?

1:32:28 Caller So when I work on the weekdays, my ex-husband comes and watches the kids at my house because they're on year-round school. And sometimes he'll stay the night just because he works at 5 o'clock in the morning. And I have a boyfriend and he thinks that this isn't okay and it upsets him really badly. But there's nothing going on between my ex-husband and I. We're just really good friends. We were married for a long time. And I think our relationship is healthy for my kids. And I don't see a problem with just letting him sleep here instead of driving a half-hour home.

1:32:59 Adam Yeah. I understand your boyfriend's point. But I understand the necessity to do this. And I know it sounds fishy and I know you think I'd go the other way on this one. But I think if you and your boyfriend have a good relationship and he knows the relationship you have with your ex and God knows tons of people have this relationship with their ex. They're friendly with them, they love their kids, they realize things just weren't going to work out between the two of them. Each one of them may be in another relationship. If you're all adults, he should be able to handle this.

1:33:34 Drew Very different than I still go and have dinner with my ex-husband every week alone.

1:33:39 Adam And or him being single and still loving you, is there any of that going on?

1:33:46 Caller No, I mean, he sees girls on and off. And even on some days, he'll watch them all night. And I'll have to go pick them up at 5 o'clock in the morning. And so I'll be at his house for a couple hours until they get up. And I guess sometimes he'll like sleep in my bed until I get home. And he has a problem with that too. And I don't have a problem with that.

1:34:07 Adam Well, now the guy's whacking off in the place where this guy's sleeping too. All right, I'll tell you what, Sheila, why don't we a little compromise. Tell him no sleeping in the bed or...

1:34:17 Drew Boundaries within the house, but certainly it's okay to stay.

1:34:20 Adam All right.

1:34:21 Caller Okay.

1:34:22 Adam All right. And I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what you tell your boyfriend.

1:34:24 Caller Okay.

1:34:25 Adam What's your husband's name? Ex-husband?

1:34:28 Caller Jeff.

1:34:29 Adam Jeff. You tell him you came home a half hour early, you got out of work, he was performing oral sex on a young Latin guy, you were outraged, you had no idea, as it turns out he's gay. And I'm telling you, I'm telling the guy, I'll sleep like a baby. It's sad but true.

1:34:44 Drew And if Sheila's relationship with her boyfriend lasts another five years, the boyfriend won't care anymore.

1:34:49 Adam Right.

1:34:49 Drew He'll lose the will to live.

1:34:50 Adam He'll walk in, he'll be banging away on her. Hi, how you doing? Walk right past him. Hey, even when you've seen the remote. Alright, we're going to take a break, we'll be back.

1:35:00 Drew Hello? Is this Loveline?

1:35:01 Call 1-800-LOVE-191. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back.

1:35:41 Adam Well, that's it. Plum out of show, kiddies. Thanks for tuning in, and let's hit the road. What do you say?

1:35:46 Drew Let's go.

1:35:47 Adam So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:35:52 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, July 26, 2000