Episode 1000754887030

2:39 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline Coast to Coast.

2:50 Adam Hey, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Fax number 310-854-4455. We're here to please kiddies, Dr. Drew is a board-certified physician and addiction medicine specialist.

3:06 Drew I think it's just that you were talking about framing that you're so beefed up.

3:09 Adam I've been so pumped up. I tell everyone I'm framing my garage.

3:16 Drew Whatever.

3:17 Adam I know this show has gone south horribly, but I just have to tell everybody something. I lived in five houses as a kid, none of which had a garage. They just didn't, and it's so cathartic and powerful for me. Then you lived in one. I lived in a garage. Yes. But no, my dad never owned a tool. He never had a garage. He never did anything. As I told you, he's a pussy. So it is so important to me emotionally to build my own garage, and I'm building a cathedral. The ceiling is 20 feet high. It's crazy. Crazy. It's me and a bunch of guys I went to high school with, with the radio blasting and me yelling at them all day. Dream come true. Pulling out all my old cliches like we got a dime holding up a dollar.

4:00 Drew Screaming about your old high school of science teachers, PE teachers.

4:05 Adam And sounding like a dad. You know what I mean? Like back, a lot of back in the day stories.

4:13 Drew Yeah.

4:13 Adam Guys telling me what it's going to take to do this and me explaining back in the day how we did it. Know what I'm saying?

4:20 Drew Yeah, Pops.

4:21 Adam Yeah.

4:22 Drew Pops Corolla.

4:24 Adam That's right. Oh, got up at seven this morning. Cheetah?

4:29 Yes, hello?

4:29 Adam You're 31?

4:31 Caller Okay.

4:32 Adam All right.

4:33 Caller Oh, oh, yes.

4:34 Adam There you go.

4:35 Caller There I go.

4:36 Adam What's up?

4:37 Caller Well, I have something that, you know, I know you guys are getting to many, many calls. I have something that I have never talked about to anybody. And I, for one reason or another, have decided to kind of talk about it to, you know, to the masses and try and get some serious help from as many people as possible.

5:00 Adam Well, we appreciate your candor, but let's make it quick. I got more garage stories to tell.

5:05 Caller I understand. Well, I'm 31, as you stated, and I wear diapers.

5:12 Drew All the time or?

5:13 Caller I wear them full time, yes.

5:16 Drew For medical reason or?

5:18 Caller It probably stems from an emotional event that happened about five years ago.

5:23 Drew But what happened?

5:25 Caller I was in a really bad car accident. I was one of five passengers in the car and I was the only one that survived. There was, my friends were in the car. I happened to be, it was an expedition kind of vehicle.

5:40 Adam Four people died and you survived?

5:43 Caller Four people died and I survived. This was up north in Ventura County.

5:49 Adam And the diaper saved your life?

5:51 Caller No, no. That I think was the beginning of emotional problems for me, obviously.

5:58 Adam But there was no physical problem that required you?

6:02 Caller You know, I didn't have any broken bones. I was fine.

6:05 Adam How is it that you were fine and four people died?

6:07 Caller I was in the very back seat of the car and they, I was kind of kneeling over to one side, like kind of leaning against part of the seat. And they ran into a tree. And the three people up front weren't wearing seat belts. And you know, the people in back were, you know, I think if they would have been in my spot, I probably would have, you know, they would have made it and I wouldn't have. It just, whether the God had his hand on me or whatever, you know.

6:40 Adam Well, don't look at it that way. Look at it as Satan having his hand on the other four.

6:45 Caller Or that too. That's the possibility.

6:47 Adam So, and now, what, but let me ask you this. These four all died. Did they die on the spot?

6:52 Caller They all died on the spot.

6:54 Adam And so you were there with four dead people?

6:57 Caller Well, that's kind of getting into it. Pretty good there. But yeah, it took about 15 minutes before, I guess, this is what people have told me, you know. But there are certain things that I do remember about it because I wasn't hurt, you know? Yeah. Yeah, there's, I, you know, looked over to my right and, you know, I saw my friends that, you know, obviously I'm a fairly intelligent person. I knew that they were dead.

7:29 Adam So, I mean, they weren't rolling around holding their side. No, they were motionless.

7:34 Caller It was, I don't know if you've ever kind of been in a weird near-death situation, but it seems like everything just goes kind of quiet. You know, it's not like the movies where everyone's screaming. It's just, you know.

7:48 Adam All right. So, everything went quiet, but I don't want to dwell on this too long, but it was just interesting to me that, you know, sometimes people get rushed to the hospital and two days later they die of their injuries, but you being unscathed and standing around in this carnage must have been very bizarre.

8:03 Caller No, I did take a trip to the hospital. I was okay. I had some obvious scratches and bruises.

8:12 Adam All right, so let's get to the diapers. When did you start putting the diapers on? Right after that?

8:18 Caller No, it was about six months after that. Actually, obviously, the time in between, I was going to psychiatrists to kind of try and clear the old head and all that stuff. And it was actually Halloween, a few of my friends, we went to a party and we were actually, we were dressed as babies. And so I was wearing a diaper. And how did that make you feel? It was simply just kind of a fun thing to do for Halloween. And then my friend dared me to pick up a diaper, just as kind of a funny dare. So I did it, I obviously was not feeling 100%. And it made me feel good, it was funny, we all laughed.

9:05 Adam All right, so and ever since then?

9:08 Caller Ever since then, I mean, I, you know, I didn't do it for, you know, for some time after that, maybe three weeks. But because of my job that I had at the time, which was an internet job, it was very, very stressful. And, you know, my one particular boss, he was getting down on me all the time. And so I thought, you know what, if I could have just one second of that feeling that I had back at Halloween, you know, maybe I can get to the day and it'll be fine.

9:39 Drew All right. Well, all right. So it's just a sort of bizarre way. It's almost like an addictive process. All right.

9:45 Adam But do you now, when you wear that, you wear an adult diaper, right?

9:49 Caller Depends.

9:50 Adam Right. They fit under your pants.

9:51 Drew OK.

9:51 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

9:52 Adam And do you make in them, as we say, in the diaper business?

9:58 Caller No.

9:58 Adam No.

9:58 Caller No.

9:59 Adam You just have me. You go in the bathroom, you pull them down, take a leak, you pull them back up.

10:02 Drew Wife named Shauna? No.

10:03 Caller No. Well, I actually do both, but, you know, on times where it's kind of just like this, I don't know if yearning is the correct word, but, you know, I'll just do it kind of spur-the-moment thing if, you know.

10:17 Adam Under a little stress, you might take a little leak.

10:19 Caller Exactly.

10:20 Adam But not number two.

10:21 Caller No. No. Not number two.

10:23 Adam All right.

10:23 Drew All right. Well, but, Cheetah, it makes some sense that under the extraordinary stress you're under, that you would regress to a point that would allow you to have some sense of escape from these feelings. And it just so happened you coupled your experience wearing diapers with a feeling of well-being, and that was your only chance at well-being. If you were an addict biologically, you came across heroin, that's where you'd go.

10:49 Adam This kid's starting to make sense, though. I was thinking about the sort of security and confidence of wearing a diaper. Long trips, double feature movies, parties where you're drinking, keg parties. You're just staying around a big long line at the bathroom at the ball game, leaking away right in your seat. You're not moving anywhere.

11:06 Drew It may be a new trend, but be that as it may.

11:08 Adam I like that. Plus, when you get older, you're going to have to wear diapers. You might as well get used to it.

11:12 Drew All good points, Adam. But it's just such a severely distressing emotional circumstance. It's just a profound regression.

11:20 Adam Here's a question, Drew, because we're moving on. Obviously, he's got to talk to his counselor and keep with that program. Does he wear the diaper until he's ready to part with it, like me and my huggie blanket when I was four? Or does he go cold diaper?

11:36 Drew He will go cold diaper when there's a plan.

11:38 Adam When he's ready?

11:39 Drew When there's somebody there to make sure there's ways of helping him handle his feelings, like maybe medication with some more therapy, with some more behavioral management. It's just overwhelmingly stressful to the brain and it's just grappling, groping for anything it can to feel better.

11:52 Adam I gotta tell you, my underpants look like a diaper after a long day. You know what I mean?

11:56 Drew Yeah, I know.

11:57 Adam Megan?

11:58 Drew See, imagine, imagine.

11:59 Adam I should have an underpants service.

12:01 Drew See, it's one that you never really think, here little babies, it's one thing to sort of change the diaper as a little child, because you just swipe it down, everything cleans up fine with your shag carpet.

12:10 Adam Yeah.

12:10 Drew Come on.

12:12 Adam It's the difference between dropping yogurt on the linoleum in the kitchen and dropping it on the deep shag that's in the den. That's the difference in cleanup. Yes. Thanks for pointing that out, Drew. Megan?

12:27 Me?

12:28 Adam Yes, you.

12:29 Okay. I'm used to there being like six other Megans, so.

12:32 Adam You're fifteen. What's up?

12:34 Um, I'm trying to decide whether I want to like go back to this one guy that I've been with for like a year or move on to just being a basic whore. Because I'm already getting stuff without even trying. So I think if I like actually go into the business and try for stuff.

12:52 Adam I see.

12:53 Yeah. I could get some real stuff.

12:55 Adam Right. I tried the same thing when I was 15 with masturbation. I figured as I'm doing it for free, let's see if I can make a few bucks. I took it, you know, I went down to Westwood where those guys, you know, they play the guitar, they juggle, they swallow swords. I took my masturbation on the road, opened a guitar case, began masturbating. I figured I'd make some change.

13:15 Drew Quite a sensation I hear.

13:16 Adam Yeah. Hey, Megan. So you're really just at 15 just thinking I'm being a prostitute?

13:22 Basically.

13:23 Adam As if you're having sex, you might as well get paid?

13:26 Yeah.

13:26 Adam Yeah. What happened to you?

13:29 Actually, the worst thing that happened to me is I was raised by Baptist Republicans and that's pretty bad.

13:36 Adam It's payback time.

13:36 Drew Yeah. But by the way, no.

13:39 Adam No. It had to be a little worse than that.

13:41 Drew Not unless they were quoting the Bible while they beat the crap out of you.

13:44 Well, I'm thinking it must have been in the genes because everyone on my mom's side of the family has some sort of mental disorder and everyone on my dad's side of the family is an alcoholic.

13:56 Drew All right. So your dad is an alcoholic?

13:59 My dad's a knick addict. He just smokes constantly.

14:02 Adam All right. Well, so not everyone's an alcoholic.

14:05 Well, he's the only exception.

14:06 Adam All right. Well, Megan.

14:07 Drew Still no good.

14:08 Adam Why do you hate your parents so much? What did they do?

14:11 They really didn't do anything that bad.

14:14 Adam All right. Well, then stop it. Do they provide for you okay?

14:17 Yeah.

14:18 Adam All right.

14:19 Drew Then you're just BSing. You're just sort of.

14:20 Adam Yeah. Okay. Well, you're just wanting attention.

14:23 Drew You're just talking.

14:24 Adam Listen, don't get pregnant. Don't become a prostitute until you're 18. That's what I'm going to tell my girls. You don't start turning tricks until your 18th birthday. Now, if you want me to bring a few johns in on your 18th birthday to help you blow out the candles, that's fine. Drew, you're going to give that speech to your girl?

14:44 Drew That is a road if you go down. It will be painful and there ain't no going back.

14:48 Adam Let me tell you something about hooking, because I did a little of that to get through junior college. Oh, yeah. It was nine bucks a unit, so I didn't have to be that good.

14:58 Drew Lots of older women, right?

15:01 Yeah.

15:05 Adam I really would have. There's many points in my life when I would have gladly just been a male gigolo. But unfortunately, you're blowing old men. You're blowing Kenny Kingston. It's not Anne Bancroft in her 40s, coming 41-year-old Anne Bancroft who comes in here. It's not the movies. See, this is what I've said about women many times, and I know women can't appreciate this, but I know many well-to-do, young, good-looking guys who have hit a prostitute a time or two. The male or female equivalent to that would be fine for you if you're a male. I mean, you have friends who were in college or in their early 20s, maybe they were single, had a prostitute, good-looking guys, maybe doctors, lawyers, successful guys, drive nice cars, clean guys, upscale guys. Imagine the equivalent of that.

16:08 Drew I'm a female.

16:09 Adam Imagine if you're a male prostitute and you were servicing some 22-year-old hot-looking grad student whose parents had a few bucks, and she just got a little ripped and wanted to have a good time.

16:20 Drew Nope.

16:21 Adam Nope. You're blowing old fat queens.

16:24 Drew Hi, this is Sackett Kenney King.

16:26 Adam I'm giving you oral sex start now. Peter?

16:32 Hi. I masturbate like three or four times a day, and I'm afraid I'm going to run out of semen.

16:40 Adam Don't worry about it.

16:41 Drew Well, no, wait a minute. Three times four. He's got about seven and a half years left then. Right? That right? What do you say?

16:47 Adam Yeah. Worth the semen?

16:48 Drew Yeah. About 23 quarters, it'll be out.

16:52 Adam You have, what's the guy care about, 22 gallons of semen on him, and you got to figure about nine.

16:58 Drew Figure metric.

16:58 Adam Figure about nine. Okay. So, how many liters?

17:01 Drew 12 liters. Okay.

17:03 Adam Three times that. So, about 70 liters. About 70 liters of semen in the average scrotal sack, and you figure about, let's call it 10 cc's per mission, although you figure that's going to drop off on three or four to maybe six or seven cc's. All right. So, three, you want to call 325 cc's? Yeah. All right. So, we got to figure out how many cc's go into a liter. I could do the math. It's probably what Drew said about seven and a half years. What are you, 13? Yeah. Yeah, so about 20, 21. Start running dry. That's all right. I'll tell you what, when you're 19, you're about 19, start storing it.

17:41 Drew Well, you can tell him what happens when you run dry. You, of course, experienced this.

17:45 Adam Well, the big, just the, first, just the poof of powder comes out. It's hard to see. You know?

17:51 Drew Room fills up.

17:52 Adam In those movies, like where the cake oven blows up, and the chef comes out of the kitchen, waving his hand around, that's the first move. Then the second is just that stick that comes out with the flag on it, says bang, like the monkeys used to use in their TV series. Then your soul comes out, and then the ghost.

18:13 Drew Oh, your soul comes out in the second or last.

18:14 Adam Yeah, second or last. Then that ghost flies out and flies around the room. All right, so Peter, it's about 19. You start storing it, okay?

18:21 Drew You can't run out, Peter. No such thing.

18:23 Adam Oh, my God. I've been trying. Evelyn, you're 17. What's up?

18:29 Caller Okay. I've been with my boyfriend for four months, and my best friend has been my best friend for about a year. She's bisexual. We always get drunk and hook up and stuff.

18:45 Drew You and she?

18:46 Adam Yeah.

18:47 Caller With her.

18:47 Adam Yeah, that's right.

18:48 Caller But see, I've never been with another girl, just only her.

18:51 Adam Yeah.

18:51 Caller But, and like, I don't know, then my boyfriend started to like her, and then we'd all, you know, three of us hook up.

18:58 Adam Yeah. How old is she?

18:59 Caller She's 17.

19:00 Adam How old is he?

19:01 Caller 19.

19:02 Adam Oh, son of a bitch.

19:03 Caller And then we all made this deal that we would all be together, like we were both his girlfriends.

19:12 Adam Right.

19:12 Drew How does that make you feel?

19:14 Caller No, it's fine with me.

19:15 Drew It is not fine with you. That is not fine.

19:18 Adam We all made this deal. I could just see him. Okay, girls, get a hand in. Now, listen. We're all lonely sexual beings.

19:26 Drew Why would you do that to yourself? That is ridiculous.

19:28 Caller No, I mean, she's my best friend, and like I totally trust her.

19:32 Drew Trust her? Well, she's sleeping with your boyfriend.

19:33 Caller No, I mean, no, she's...

19:35 Adam All right, hold on, hold on. We got to do some gambling.

19:37 Drew Yeah.

19:37 Adam It's been months since we've gambled. All right. Let's go. Where's my wallet?

19:43 Drew I don't have a clear read on her.

19:45 Adam I don't have a clear read either, and I expect a lot of denial out of her.

19:48 Drew Yeah, tons.

19:48 Adam But part of gambling on this show, it's like you're an attorney. You got to plead your case. You got to break them down. You know what I mean? You got to get the court to see things your way. All right, I'm going to go first. Threesome, bisexuality, a openness with the boyfriend. Could be hippie parents.

20:11 Drew Could be.

20:13 Adam I don't smell real overt abuse. Dad, absent dad. Absent, okay, here it is. Very easy. Dad did not know she was alive.

20:25 Drew Okay.

20:27 Adam Not out and out abuse. Not even divorced, necessarily. Maybe he was around, maybe he wasn't. I'm not sure. But never paid her any attention. Even if he was around, he never paid her attention. Never cared.

20:41 Drew I'm getting a strong whack job stepdad vibe. Like addict, weird parties, exposed to weird stuff. Nice. Maybe some inappropriate touching or something.

20:51 Adam Well, one can only hope. Evelyn? All right. Let's talk about your past. We're doing a little gambling here, right? That's a very dubious honor. What? Let's talk about your family.

21:05 Caller My mom. I love my mom. I live with my mom and my stepdad.

21:10 Adam Son of a bitch. Yeah. You live with your mom and your stepdad.

21:14 Caller My real dad lives in San Francisco, but I haven't seen him since I was in the sixth grade. But before that, I never knew who he was until the fourth grade. And then I just decided to stop seeing him because he was a jerk. And then we had this big old court thing, and he said I wasn't his daughter and crap like that.

21:33 But it's over with.

21:35 Adam What do you mean he said he wasn't your daughter?

21:36 Caller He just came back and he didn't want to pay child support. Like he left my mom when she got pregnant with me.

21:41 Drew He's a total idiot.

21:43 Yeah.

21:44 Adam But he never abused you physically or sexually?

21:47 Drew Never was in her life.

21:48 Caller No.

21:49 Drew Stepdad?

21:50 Caller My stepdad.

21:51 Adam So far my vibe is very good. I don't get that very much. No physical abuse, no alcohol, no sexual abuse. Just total disowning.

21:59 Caller He would get drunk on me and be like all over girls in front of me. That's why I kind of felt uncomfortable going and seeing him.

22:06 Drew All over girls in front of you?

22:07 Caller Yeah.

22:07 Drew See, that's what I'm getting, that she saw where he was.

22:09 Caller Oh, true. I was grabbing her and I was like, okay. I was like in the forks.

22:13 Adam Let's talk about Stepdad. Wow, that's healthy. What about Stepdad?

22:16 Caller I said, Dad, he's been my dad since I was like two. I totally see him as my dad. I love him. He's never done anything wrong to me. He's not like a drinker or he's never touched me or anything. I totally trust him.

22:28 Adam Good man. What do you call him? Call him by his first name? Robert.

22:32 Caller Yeah. Okay.

22:33 Adam Well, I don't know if I call him dad or Bob.

22:35 Caller He's called Dad when I was little, but then they split up for a while and then they got back together.

22:39 Adam Why did they split up?

22:41 Caller My mom and him, like for two years when I was in eighth grade.

22:44 Drew Why?

22:45 Caller My mom had an affair.

22:47 Drew Mom had an affair?

22:48 Adam Oh, that's interesting. Mom's a little chaotic.

22:51 Caller Not well, yeah.

22:52 Drew Oh, yeah.

22:53 Adam Hold on. Any questions?

22:54 Drew Well, there's more. Mom picks alcoholics. Did she have the affair because this other one was not too stable? Yeah. So it's the opposite of what I was thinking.

23:03 Adam She had destabilizing. Yeah. Opposite. You get that? Hold on a second, Evelyn. I always love that question. Well, I called them dad until they broke up for a couple of years. Oh, they broke. They separated? Yeah. Why did they separate? Well, because they separated for a couple of years. I always wonder if our listeners think I'm going to go, oh, I see. All right. Anyway, you know what I mean?

23:27 Drew What if you're going to stop on that one?

23:28 Adam Okay. Here's the deal. I think I get that money.

23:31 Drew Yeah.

23:31 Adam Okay. She has a stepdad. So you're right there. But what you're wrong about is stepdad was a pretty good guy.

23:38 Drew The dad filled the shoes that I was feeling. But the stepdad was the opposite.

23:42 Adam The stepdad was inappropriate. And that wasn't exactly my vibe. But I had a very distant, take it or leave it, living out of town, who cares kind of dad. And this dad is like the ultimate. You're not my daughter. I haven't seen, he hasn't seen her in six, seven years.

23:57 Drew And I had the surrogate dad sort of partying with doing weird stuff in front of her kind of stuff.

24:01 Adam Oh, all right. Thank you. Thank you. I'd like to thank the Academy and I'd like to thank Drew and his ATM for this money.

24:11 Drew Shall we, after the commercial, come back and talk to Evelyn about what she might do with her situation?

24:14 Adam No, no, let's just tell her not to do it.

24:16 Drew Evelyn, Evelyn, this whole situation is not real. You are completely denying your feelings. Of course this is an awful situation. Now, you may have stronger feelings for one than the other. I'm not saying the boyfriend is the relationship, but you can't be sharing people like this. You're denying how you're actually feeling. It's ridiculous.

24:32 Adam Yeah, and I knew, the reason I knew your daddy never paid any attention to you is because you were denying your feelings for this guy, and who's yelling?

24:41 Caller My stepdad.

24:43 Adam Wow.

24:43 Drew What's he saying?

24:44 Get off the phone.

24:45 Adam I think he's saying to get off the phone.

24:46 Caller Yeah.

24:47 Drew What's this? Who a nice guy he is?

24:48 Caller No, he is a nice guy. He puts down rules and he...

24:53 Adam All right, that's good. Good, listen to him and don't have any threesomes. Okay? Okay. Say I promise not to have any threesomes in front of your stepdad.

25:03 I can't.

25:04 Adam Okay, but don't do it.

25:05 Drew Don't do it.

25:06 Adam Don't ruin things up.

25:07 Caller It's already like done.

25:09 Adam All right.

25:09 Drew Get out of this mess.

25:10 Adam Listen, just don't get pregnant then, all right?

25:12 Caller Okay.

25:12 Adam All right. Oh, stepdad coming in. You know what's weird? I'm 36, I get scared when the dad comes in. What are they calling him? Nebraska or something? Oh, Christ.

25:23 Drew Dad's 29, by the way.

25:24 Adam Yeah, dad's 29. I can probably kick his ass. I'm 36 and I'm like, oh, busted, Drew, hey, don't use my name.

25:32 Caller Shut the lights.

25:33 Adam No more pillow talk. All right, we're going to build a fort out in the living room.

25:38 Drew All right?

25:38 Adam Let's go.

25:38 Drew Okay. Out of blankets.

25:39 Adam We'll be back after this.

25:42 1-800-LOVE-191.

26:21 Adam Hey, it's Loveline.

26:22 Drew Anderson's got to be on antidepressants or something.

26:25 Adam He's feeling good. Probably got laid recently.

26:27 Drew It's like three days in a row of, not just animated, but dramatic drama.

26:32 Adam Listen, I told Anderson and I've told everyone who's listened to this show that the reason I got into radio, mainly was to get out of construction. But secondly, and most importantly, was to see the engineer through the glass do the big your own finger.

26:47 Drew You got it now. Finally, your dream come true. Anderson, is your dream come true?

26:51 Adam It really is. And it's not the same in TV. The countdown, the TV countdown with the finger.

26:57 Drew They point at the camera. They don't point at you.

27:00 Adam Yeah.

27:02 Drew They go like, they go, no, no, no.

27:06 Adam No, shut up, Drew. You don't know what you're talking about.

27:09 Drew Yes, they do. Well, you don't do news. You've never done new live stuff. You're doing a lot of tape stuff.

27:16 You know all it is, I have the lights on in here, which we normally don't have them up to size, so you guys just don't see us and you don't think about us. That's all. That's all it is.

27:25 Drew Hey, Anderson, he thinks about you. And a little Coke. Yeah, okay.

27:29 Adam All right. Well, the point is, Drew, they don't point at the camera. They point at you, goofball.

27:33 Drew If you're doing some sort of tape thing, I suppose, but in news and live stuff, they go, you've been on Big Brother for 10 minutes.

27:44 Adam You think you're big time now.

27:44 Drew Come watch a real show, get that done sometime.

27:46 Adam They don't even pay you for that gig.

27:49 Drew Part of my charity work. Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is this not Weird Energy Night? I mean, look.

27:54 Adam It's not that weird yet.

27:55 Drew Some weird, weird stuff coming up.

27:57 Adam It's not a full moon, is it?

27:58 Drew No, I don't think so.

27:59 Adam Okay. Shoe? Is that Shoe?

28:02 Guest This is Shoe.

28:03 Adam Shoe, you're 42.

28:05 Guest Shoe is 42, yes I am.

28:06 Adam Yeah, what kind of name is Shoe?

28:08 Guest It's a nickname.

28:09 Adam All right.

28:10 Guest It's a nickname.

28:11 Adam Girls gave it to you in high school?

28:13 Guest What's that?

28:13 Adam All right. What's up there, Shoe?

28:16 Guest Well, I'm a first time caller, but a nine and a half month listener. I've been incarcerated and we actually...

28:24 Adam Hold on a second. What's Ann and Danielle laughing about?

28:28 Drew Ann. What? What's that, Ann?

28:31 We're creating a routine for you.

28:33 Drew For him? Yeah. Oh, that you're going to do before you... Yeah, do like a quick five, ten second dance and then boom.

28:40 Adam With the finger? Oh, man. That's huge.

28:44 Drew By the way, I have a question. Given how just incredibly awful and awful you found construction to be and despicable your peers to be, why are you so into it now?

28:58 Adam Because I'm like MacArthur returning to the Philippines. War was hell, but I'm returning victoriously. You understand?

29:06 Drew So now that you have the freedom to pick and choose when and how you do it.

29:09 Adam I was putting a saddle cut on a 16-foot two-by-roof rafter today with my combination saw. I thought to myself for a brief moment, if I just woke up and I was standing here, I'd figure I was doing this for a living. I was miserable for one beat. Then I thought, it's my house. Then I was happy. Then I thought, this is costing me a ton of money. Then I was miserable again. Shoe?

29:34 Guest Yes, sir.

29:34 Adam All right, so I'm sorry. You were incarcerated.

29:37 Drew Currently incarcerated.

29:38 Guest I was incarcerated for about nine months. There was a big dilemma going around the pod, so to speak.

29:46 Adam What's the pod?

29:47 Guest The pod is where the inmates are housed.

29:50 Drew What was the dilemma?

29:53 Guest There was a dilemma. I had to say I disagreed with it, but I thought when I got out, I'd make a phone call and find out. So this is probably catered more towards Dr. Drew. If a gentleman came out of the shower, and after he was out of the shower, and someone else went in there, and the previous gentleman had masturbated while he was in there, if you went in without any kind of sandals on your feet, there were several cases of gout. Can they be affiliated with each other?

30:20 Drew No.

30:21 Guest Not at all?

30:22 Adam Can't pass gout through the trout?

30:24 Drew No way.

30:25 Guest None whatsoever, is there?

30:26 Drew No gout through the spout.

30:30 Guest And it really can't damage you in any other way, but it's always wiser where the sandals are, right?

30:35 Adam Emotionally, it's a little rough, I gotta admit.

30:37 Guest There's a lot of knuckleheads in there, and this will probably be some good advice, because I'm sure some of them are still listening as I speak.

30:42 Adam Well, let me tell you something, Shu, and then we're going to get into the terms of your incarceration. But one time when I was in Seattle sharing a motel with my partner Jimmy Kimmel for the morning show here at K-Rock, and oh boy, talk about pulling all the plugs. When you fly for the morning show with K-Rock, you fly tower air. It's the world's only airplane that you take a bus to, by the way. Actually, you'd get to wherever you're going faster if you stayed on the goddamn bus. But don't worry, it saved K-Rock $0.13. Number two, you stay in a hotel that is worse than the HiHo, and it's about 40 miles away from the studio, and you bunk up. So Jimmy and I were bunking up, and it was about 4.30 in the morning, and I was taking a shower, and he'd been in the shower before then. And you know the water pools up in the tub, you know, 8, 10 inches in a crampy motel? I'm standing in there, shin deep water, taking a shower. Jimmy taps on the door, hey, by the way, hey, I whacked off in there. Now I'm standing in this pond of jizz.

31:50 Guest Pond of jizz?

31:51 Adam Yes, and you know that stuff, it's magnetically drawn to the hairs on your shins.

31:57 Guest I'm gonna take your word on that, okay?

31:58 Adam Yes, very painful. So now, why were you in the joint?

32:04 Guest Murder one charge.

32:05 Adam Oh, well did you do it?

32:07 Guest No, I didn't. Well, yes I did, I was guilty, as a matter of fact.

32:10 Oh, okay, what happened?

32:11 Adam He turned around pretty quick.

32:12 Guest Well, it was a self-defense issue. I had two gentlemen try to carjack me and rob me.

32:18 Drew And what'd you do?

32:20 Guest Struck one in the outside of the nose and put his nose up through his forehead. And this is from training from years ago, being in the Navy. And the other one just, I was a little bit angry at that point and proceeded to kind of just, I don't know, I guess take him out. It was either me or them.

32:39 Adam Well, did they have a weapon?

32:40 Guest One had a gun, the first one had a gun, and the second individual had a switchblade type knife.

32:46 Drew Why were you put in prison for this?

32:47 Guest I understand.

32:49 Guest I wasn't put in prison, I was actually in a county facility.

32:52 Adam Why?

32:53 Guest Well, several reasons. They lost my CR number apparently for about three months, and I switched attorneys a couple times. And the system, I've never been incarcerated before, and I would have to say that the system that I was in was a lot like probably being in the Mayberry Court justice system, so to speak.

33:11 Adam Yeah.

33:12 Guest It was just really, it's in Arizona, and it was just disappointing and just poorly, poorly run.

33:20 Drew So you were just waiting for a court date?

33:22 Guest Absolutely.

33:23 Adam So both guys, you killed both guys.

33:26 Guest No, just the first one.

33:27 Adam Second guy you didn't kill.

33:28 Guest No, just hurt him a bit.

33:30 Adam All right, good.

33:32 Drew Why aren't we having a parade for this guy?

33:34 Adam Yes, we have Citizen of the Year in North Hollywood, believe me, where I'm from.

33:38 Drew You.

33:39 Adam Yes, you. But let me just make sure this is no extenuating circumstances here. You'd had no priors?

33:47 Guest None.

33:48 Adam Never done any time? Spotless record?

33:50 Drew No drugs on you at the time.

33:52 Guest Traffic tickets and that's about it.

33:53 Adam All right, totally straight, wasn't some drug bust, some drug deal that went sour or something.

33:59 Guest I waited, I was the one who called on my cell phone and waited for the police to arrive.

34:02 Adam You were just sitting in your car and these guys tried to carjack you.

34:05 Guest Well, I just got in an ice cream cone and one came from the front of the car and one from the back of the car and trapped me in the middle.

34:12 Adam And these guys had weapons and stormed the car and you defended yourself, killing one in the process.

34:20 Guest Yeah.

34:20 Adam And I don't even understand why you're incarcerated, you know, or at least being detained awaiting trial for that. I know there's a body but they can't figure that one out?

34:31 Guest I don't either and all that came to surface at the trial but until that came to surface, the families were really disappointed, upset, and wanted the prosecution to really come down hard on me for it because their little 20 and 22-year-old Delight. Bangers wouldn't do something like that and they had multiple arrest records.

34:53 Adam Yeah. Thanks, Hugh.

34:56 Guest But when it finally came to the surface, it was cleaned up. Adam, I got something I'd like to say to you though.

34:59 Adam Good.

34:59 Drew Anything.

35:00 Adam Hey, did they listen to this show in the joint?

35:02 Guest We all did every night. Every night, five nights a week.

35:06 Drew It's pro ball players in the joint that most of us listen to. You know what I'm saying?

35:09 Adam Yeah.

35:09 Drew Professional baseball players.

35:10 Adam I didn't know professional baseball players. Well, Luis Gonzalez.

35:13 Drew I was talking to Sean Green last week.

35:16 Adam Only guys who hit over 330.

35:17 Drew Yeah, Sean Green.

35:18 Adam All right. I'm sorry. Go ahead, Hugh.

35:20 Guest That's OK. I realize you feel pretty much responsible for this show's popularity because you're such a funny guy, Adam.

35:27 Adam Yes, I do. Thank you.

35:28 Guest And I understand that. And also because, you know, you're a millionaire, literally.

35:32 Adam Literally a millionaire, yes.

35:33 Guest OK.

35:34 Adam Yeah. See, if I had been accused of this crime, I would have gotten Effley Bailey and and and dug up who was the guy from Inherit in the Wind. I would have. Gregory Peck.

35:47 Guest Well, I got a public defender and that was that turned out to be a big waste of time.

35:51 Drew Part of the problem.

35:52 Adam Hey, let me tell you, I was I was sitting around with my concrete guy today, asking him if he ever did any booze. And he said, yeah, I drank quesadilla. That's the thing I love about construction guys. Case a day for about 20 years.

36:07 Guest You and your construction guy.

36:08 Adam And the guy said he got the seven DUIs. And I said, oh, my God. And he said he beat five of them. And I said, how did you beat five of them? Listen, you get a turning throw a few bucks at him. You get out of a lot of stuff. Wow. Yeah, that's what you needed.

36:23 Guest It's not necessarily who you know all the time, though.

36:26 Adam No, I know. But I'm saying two guys hijacked you and you went to prison. OJ killed a couple of people and he's playing golf.

36:34 Guest Well, no, I wasn't feeling guilty. I never went to prison.

36:36 Adam Right. But the point is, is if you had had a bunch of money, you would have never been waiting there for your trial.

36:42 Guest Probably true. If I could have afforded at the time.

36:46 Adam Oh, bail? Absolutely.

36:48 Guest Yeah, there was a couple hundred fifty thousand dollar bonds.

36:50 Adam Right, right.

36:52 Guest It would have been a handful.

36:53 Drew So now, sure, you're about to say something complimentary about me.

36:56 Adam No, say something complimentary about Drew.

36:58 Guest I was going to say, you got to take it easy on Drew, even though when you get in one of those moods, you're really hard on him sometimes.

37:04 Drew He really is, isn't he? This guy is a murderer telling you this, okay? This guy's killed somebody with his hands.

37:09 Adam Listen, is everyone in the army a murderer? Are they defending the country? This is a hero, not a murderer.

37:15 Drew How dare you? How dare you? A killer, not a murderer. How dare you? A killer. I don't mean to disparage you by calling you a murderer. A killer.

37:23 Adam Sometimes you understand as a negative connotation, murder.

37:25 Drew It's not really murder, it's killer, a killer.

37:27 Adam I wouldn't call him a killer.

37:28 Guest This is kind of an oxymoron, but my brother was in Brad Pitt's wedding.

37:32 Drew Wow. Why?

37:33 Guest Because they were roommates in college.

37:35 Adam Wow, all right.

37:36 Guest And he was actually the best man in my brother's wedding a few years ago.

37:39 Drew Brad Pitt.

37:40 Adam Really? I don't want to anger Shue. I'm scared he's gonna come over and kill me with his hands, but we gotta move on here. Been too long on these calls. It was interesting though.

37:49 Drew So where at night?

37:50 Adam Yeah. John?

37:51 Yeah.

37:52 Adam You're 22? Yeah. Women aren't exciting you anymore?

37:58 Caller Not anymore, no.

37:58 Adam Okay. Well, how about taking another look at the gents? I did it.

38:05 Caller What was that?

38:06 Adam Yeah. How about guys? You like guys?

38:08 Drew You're gay.

38:10 Caller No, actually, I'm not like...

38:13 Adam Not into anybody?

38:14 Caller No.

38:15 Drew Are you on a medication?

38:16 Caller No.

38:18 Adam Maybe you're just taking a little time off.

38:20 Caller What do you mean?

38:25 Drew Let me talk to him.

38:26 Adam No, no, no, no.

38:26 Drew He's just maybe just badly depressed.

38:29 Adam He better be because he's going to be when I'm done with him. No, I'm not into women anymore. Okay. How about guys? No, I'm not into them. You're not into women? No. Maybe you're just taking a little time off. What do you mean? Can I get a goddamn witness on this show? What do you mean? What do I mean? Jesus Christ.

38:51 Drew What? Hey, John. Yeah. Are you depressed?

38:54 Huh?

38:56 Drew Wow. Do you have hearing problems?

38:59 Caller Kind of.

39:00 Adam Oh, really? No, don't make me feel bad and tell me you got a ear shot off in Korea or something.

39:07 Caller No. Well, here's the problem because I actually started masturbating when I was like around 10.

39:14 Adam Did something come out of you at 10?

39:18 Caller Yeah, so I started masturbating and I never had intercourse during my teenage years or whatever.

39:24 Drew Right.

39:26 Caller And then like two weeks ago actually, I decided to have intercourse and I don't know, it just didn't excite me anymore. It's like I've been probably the masturbation problem. I don't know. Are you a religious guy?

39:43 Drew Was it somebody you knew and cared about?

39:46 Caller No, actually I just met her.

39:48 Adam All right. Listen, John, find somebody and fall in love. I'm telling you that will renew your faith in life.

39:53 Drew Just have a relationship.

39:54 Adam And also you may be a little depressed. Man loses interest in having ejaculation. That's depression. That's suicidal in my book. We'll be back.

40:45 Drew I wish this were on TV.

40:47 Adam That was nice.

40:48 Drew And that's after interrupting our great discussion, too.

40:51 Adam That was Engineer Anderson and the Andersonettes, which is headed up by a producer, Ann and Danielle.

40:58 Drew What they did was they turned the bright lights on in the control room.

41:01 Adam Which are rarely on, so we could see them very clearly through the big plate glass, and they did a shoulder shimming of, like something that they must have been, they must have rented out a rehearsal hall.

41:14 Drew It looked like it. It looked like it.

41:15 Adam It's something they've been working on. That's obviously, and those were choreographed moves. And when I say choreographed, I don't mean those were planned by them. I mean, I'm talking about someone came in and worked with them. Probably the guy who did the Tonys or the Oscars. They got their groove on and then they all simultaneously gave me the big finger point, which let me know I was on the air. Oh, I'll tell you, it's like my birthday in here. Vicki?

41:43 Yes.

41:43 Adam You're 23?

41:44 Caller Yes.

41:45 Adam You caught your five-year-old son naked with another boy? What does that mean?

41:50 Caller Yes.

41:51 Drew Probably nothing.

41:53 Caller Well, actually, they weren't just naked.

41:56 Drew Oh, what were they doing?

41:58 Caller Well, I found out later. Well, see, when I, I didn't find out. My husband told me. He, I was gone at the store. He caught them. He just saw my son naked at the time. But when I came home, he told me. And when I said to both the boys at the same time, what were you all both doing naked? My son said they were having sex. So, and my son's five and the other boy's six.

42:21 Drew He may not know what that means.

42:23 Caller Huh?

42:23 Drew He may not have any idea what that means.

42:25 Caller Okay, right. But so then I asked him in detail later on what he meant. He told me that he was, they were sucking each other's penises.

42:34 Drew Well, that's not good.

42:35 Adam Well, that's getting a little more down to it.

42:37 Caller Huh?

42:38 Adam That's getting a little more. Let me explain something, Vicki. This is an argument Drew and I have had waging on for, well, quite some time. It hasn't come up in a long time. I believe this stuff goes on all the time and always has gone on. I did my fair share of it when I was a kid.

42:52 Drew Yeah, just because you did it doesn't mean it was normal.

42:54 Adam Sure, I blew half the nursery school.

42:56 Drew You think it's normal?

42:58 Adam Well, no. Listen, here's the problem though, and here's the big problem. Drew has two sons. So, Drew gets extra freaky about this. And I would too if I had two sons.

43:07 Caller I have two younger sons.

43:09 Adam Well.

43:10 Caller And the other boy has a younger son too.

43:11 Adam All right, so you can get a little freaky too. Here's what I'm saying. In my opinion, it's not good for the kid, but this stuff goes on all the time and it doesn't necessarily mean he's going to turn out this way or that way because of it.

43:25 Drew Well, you know we've heard talk to many people that were abused by their peers at young ages and have some serious consequences from that.

43:32 Adam That's true, but I could argue that that is almost like saying, did you attend nursery school or kindergarten? And they go, yes. And therefore, everyone did. I mean, it's almost like a component.

43:45 Drew But I think one thing.

43:46 Adam You know what I'm saying?

43:46 Drew I understand what you're saying.

43:47 Caller I've taken care of him. I've been, you know, a stay at home mom. And he hasn't ever really been exposed to this.

43:54 Adam All right, well listen.

43:54 Caller But he does have kind of like feminine tendencies. And I've always kind of wondered. All right. And then I found the Discovery Channel last night. They were talking about boys that were born with hypospadiasis.

44:08 Drew Right. Did he have that?

44:09 Caller He did have that when he was born, yeah.

44:11 Drew Interesting.

44:12 Adam What is that? No, no, no.

44:15 Drew The penis, the urethra doesn't go to the tip.

44:17 Adam Oh, it comes out halfway into it?

44:19 Caller Waves, not even close to the tip.

44:22 Adam Yep. Sure sign of gayness.

44:24 He's bisexual.

44:26 Drew Well, Vicki, here's the deal.

44:29 Caller I don't know. The other boy's mom's on the line, I think. I three-wait her.

44:34 She should. I'm on the line.

44:36 Adam Oh, my God. The deal. I feel like we got busted again.

44:39 Caller Yeah. OK. See, she's on the line.

44:40 Adam What's your name?

44:41 Caller We're friends.

44:42 Drew Yeah, but here's the deal, guys.

44:44 Adam What is her name? Would you shut up? What is her name?

44:46 My name is Leah.

44:48 Adam All right, Leah. Sorry. Go ahead there, Drew.

44:50 Drew The problem is that yes, exploration and all sorts of nudity and even sexually directed kinds of activities and behaviors can be normal. Doing things that is overtly sexual or directed towards arousal or climax, those sorts of things or things that include intercourse, things that kids could not possibly really have instincts for unless they had been exposed to it through an adult.

45:13 Adam No, that's not true. I remember being five, six years old and talking about effing and all that stuff. Shut up, Vicki. What?

45:21 Drew Where did you learn that?

45:23 Adam It's just wherever. I mean, I wasn't watching a porn movie. I didn't see. I know you refuse to believe this because of the age.

45:29 Drew You're a compulsive masturbator. Maybe that's where this came from.

45:32 How dare you?

45:33 Adam How dare you bring that up at this time?

45:36 Drew So maybe that's where this came from. But the point is, so what? It's not a big, big injury. It's not a big deal.

45:41 Adam Every kid, I'm saying, every five, six-year-old kid is gonna know about the noodle and the pee-pee and about the mouth and the sacks and all that. They do know about it. They know about it. They don't enjoy it. They don't exactly know what it is. But they got an idea. They know the girl part. They know the guy part. And a lot of them know the guy part goes in the girl part. They know where babies come from and all that stuff.

46:05 Drew Listen, I've had those discussions with my kids, and they're just like, what? What?

46:08 Adam Those are your kids. Come on. You raise them like mushrooms.

46:13 Drew I think you ought to talk to the pediatricians about it. I think they may need something. And it's just, it's a symptom. It's a sign that maybe one of them was exposed to something that...

46:23 Caller Yeah, I was really nice to them about it.

46:25 Drew Oh, you don't blame somebody.

46:26 Caller Because I wouldn't scare them so they would like tell me stuff.

46:30 Drew Look, you don't want to shame the kids for it. It just closes them off.

46:33 Adam Yeah, don't freak them out.

46:34 Drew Yeah, but I think that, again, it's a sign that maybe they were exposed to something and arousing in a way that's premature.

46:40 Adam What about everything these days?

46:42 Drew Yeah, that's right.

46:44 Adam Tell them, here's what you're doing. Don't freak them out. Tell them it's not a proper thing to do or they shouldn't be doing it. And then just keep an eye on them.

46:51 Drew And talk to the pediatrician for sure.

46:54 Adam Allison? Drew, you're so freaked out. How old are your kids?

46:57 Drew Eight, almost.

46:58 Adam Almost eight? Jesus, I'd had a couple of bitches by eight.

47:04 Drew Allison?

47:04 Caller Hi, I had something interesting happen to me at work the other day. One of the regular customers that comes in, he started talking to me like usual. He wanted to know where I was going to college and stuff. And he's like, how old are you? I was like, I'm 18. And he's like, wow, that's great. One of my friends, he's, I guess, this guy, the customer, he's a white guy. And his friend is from the Middle East. And he asked me if I would marry his friend for $3,000. Well, obviously, his friend would be paying me so that he could get a green card. And honestly, the only reason I even kind of went through my head was because of the money issue.

47:48 Drew Of course. And the numbers of hassles you can get into, I don't think would be even close to compensating.

47:54 Adam One of the guys who's working on my house right now did this. Yeah.

47:57 Drew How much do you get paid? How much do you pay?

47:59 Adam That is like, I don't know, I think it was like three grand.

48:01 Drew That's going right?

48:02 Adam Seemed to be, yeah.

48:04 Caller Like with the whole divorce thing and all that crap, it just wouldn't even be worth it, like.

48:10 Adam I'll ask him about it tomorrow. It seems like it's a little bit of a pain in the ass, and it's not as easy as it was some years ago.

48:18 Drew They come and make sure you're living together.

48:20 Adam Yes, if this, do you see that movie Green Card?

48:24 Drew Go watch that movie.

48:24 Adam Yeah, you're going to marry Gerard Depardieu. He's got some big nose frog in there. He's going to try to dry hump you when you're asleep.

48:32 Caller Okay.

48:33 Adam Listen, Allison, here's the deal. Ten years ago, I would have said do it, except for you would have been eight and would have been weird. But now, I think it's a much bigger hassle. I think they're cracking down on it.

48:45 Drew You're doing something illegal.

48:46 Adam Would you shut up? I don't think it's worth it. All right? Great.

48:49 Drew It's like being paid to do something else illegal.

48:50 Adam That's right. It's no different than killing the president. We'll be back.

48:58 Um, back in a minute.

49:39 Adam Anderson had to dive on the board to turn the mic up. Wow. It's really banner night tonight. I got another big booty quake with the finger, pow, on the air. Again, that's why I got in the radio, so I could get that big finger. Thank you, kids. That's wonderful. Kelly?

49:57 Oh, yeah?

49:58 Adam You're 15?

49:59 Caller Yeah.

49:59 Adam What's up?

50:00 Caller Like, I'm only 15. I'm a little overweight, but my breaths are like, I'm like, abnormally huge. And it's just gross. And like, I play sports and stuff, and it's just really hard. And so I was wondering if like, how old do you have to be to get a breast reduction?

50:15 Adam Old enough.

50:16 Caller How old's that?

50:17 Adam I don't know. They're really gross? Huh? What's gross about them?

50:22 Caller No, it's just like, it's weird because like, like, it's kind of like guys don't like it. They think it's like, they just don't find it attractive because they're so big.

50:32 Adam Hold on a second. I have two things to say to those guys.

50:38 Drew You're gay.

50:41 Adam How dare you? And how dare you? Thank you. See, you know, I give like a, give a triple clutch on that, that first one with my... Yeah, okay. They don't like it. How do you know they don't like it?

50:58 Caller It's just like every guy I talk to, like, we talk about it and stuff, like, they're like, yeah, I don't think it's very attractive.

51:04 Drew They say that?

51:05 No, they don't. Yeah, they say that.

51:07 Adam They don't. Nice rack.

51:08 Caller Seriously, some of my best friends say that to me.

51:11 Adam My buddy Zab wouldn't say that to you, I'll tell you that. He loves those big boobs. That's what brought us together. Listen, how tall are you? I'm gonna do some math.

51:21 Caller I'm 5'9.

51:22 Adam Oh, wow. And how much you weigh?

51:26 Caller Like 175.

51:28 Adam Okay, let me do a little radio math here. Just give me a second. 5'9, 175.

51:33 Drew She may be understating, too.

51:34 Adam 5, we're going to ring around the 2. Okay, I'm at 5'7, and a quarter, 193. All right, so you're a good-sized gal, and your breasts are big like everything else, right? I'm not calling you a big, fat tubular, but I mean, it's like, put it this way, big guys have big hands, big feet, big forearms. You're a big girl with big boobs.

52:01 Caller I know, but I like try losing weight, and I lose it everywhere, but there.

52:05 Adam All right, well, what weight would you like to get down to at 5'7, and a quarter?

52:11 Caller Like 140.

52:13 Adam 140.

52:13 Caller That'd be nice to get down to.

52:15 Adam All right, so you have 53 pounds to lose, according to my radio math.

52:19 Drew Roughly, 40, whatever.

52:20 Adam Okay.

52:21 Drew Once you work with a dietician, get some exercise program going.

52:25 Adam I guarantee.

52:25 I've done it.

52:26 Adam All right, but listen. Okay, Kelly, let me give you a couple. I'm going to tell you three things and I'm going to hang up on you, right?

52:33 Okay.

52:34 Adam Okay. First off, you can't get a boob job at 15. You're not going to get one at 15.

52:38 Drew 16, 17.

52:39 Adam Quite down.

52:40 Drew Sometimes they will, but no.

52:41 Adam Shesha, first off, you're a few years away from a boob job. So second off, you want to lose 30, 40 pounds anyway. Third off, some of the boob may come off when you lose 30, 40 pounds. So make your focus losing the weight right now, and then we'll cross the boob bridge when we come to it. Call me when you cross that boob bridge, would you?

53:03 Drew Okay. All right. There's bound to be some loss there.

53:06 Adam Listen, if she says she's 175 on the phone over the radio, and she's a chick, you got to be 185, right?

53:16 Drew Yeah.

53:17 Adam Okay. If you're 185, you could stand to lose 40, 45 pounds probably. Okay. You lose 40, 45 pounds, you're going to lose some boob.

53:26 Drew Yeah.

53:28 Adam A chick in the world doesn't lose some boob when she drops 40, 45 pounds, right?

53:32 Drew Yep.

53:34 Adam Who are we talking to at the Teen Choice Awards? Billy Bob?

53:39 Drew Oh, yeah. Ron?

53:41 Adam Yeah. The big guy from, was it Varsity Blues?

53:44 Drew Varsity Blues, yeah.

53:45 Adam Right. Gave me a ride home that night after the Academy Awards party. You know the big dude? I mean, this guy is- Huge.

53:53 Drew He's also unpopular.

53:54 Adam Yeah, he's unpopular. He's been on the show. What would you say, Ron Lester? Yeah. Ron is probably, he's 400 if he's an ounce, right?

54:05 Drew And he just spent a few weeks at Duke at the Fat Farm.

54:08 Adam He said to him, he goes, I lost 40 pounds over the summer. How did you do that? Fat Farm?

54:15 Drew Fat Camp.

54:16 Adam Fat Camp. I love, you know, there's nothing more refreshing than a fat guy who's right in it, right there with you. It's not like Attitude Adjustment Seminar. You know, Fat Camp.

54:27 Drew Health Seminars.

54:30 Adam So he's like, and my first thought was, 40 pounds sounds good, but on you, I was gonna say, you didn't eat lunch? I mean.

54:40 Drew You could have peed that out overnight.

54:42 Adam 40 pounds, yeah, I mean, tell you, he could have sweat that out on a good walk. I mean, 40 pounds didn't show on him. But hey, I don't wanna take away from the guy's achievement.

54:52 Drew Yeah, you actually lose it, really lose it, it's a slow process.

54:55 Adam Right.

54:55 Drew He's getting into a real weight reduction, so.

54:57 Adam And good, now what do you do at Fat Camp?

54:59 Drew Probably learn behavioral techniques and exercise programs and dietary management and support. And more importantly, and this is something that Ron will speak to, is he learns alternative ways to deal with his feelings. Oh. Because he eats when he doesn't feel good.

55:13 Adam He better be eating, because he's a big boy. But let me tell you, I'd love to be like a DI drill instructor for Fat Camp. You know what I mean?

55:22 Drew That's Richardson.

55:23 You're on your knees, scumbag!

55:26 Adam You love Fat Camp, don't you, Lardos? I can't hear you, son.

55:31 Drew Nice.

55:31 Adam Wouldn't that be great?

55:32 Drew No.

55:35 Adam I'd be a good job for me, by the way. I could really motivate.

55:39 Drew Well, yelling at anyone, Adam, you're good at that.

55:41 Adam I could really motivate.

55:42 Drew I think that's what really makes you happy about this construction stuff you're doing.

55:44 Adam Oh, my God. I have five guys who I've known for years, and I just yell at them all day. They are so miserable that I'm there. Do you understand?

55:53 Drew And you're in your best mood. I've seen you like a year and a half.

55:55 Adam I know.

55:56 Drew Imagine if you're doing a goddamn man show right now.

55:58 Adam They work at my house anyway, and I just haven't been there in five months, and now I'm there, and they're miserable. It's great.

56:05 Drew What have they been doing there?

56:07 Adam They've been working on the rest of the house at their own pace. But now, now, the maestro is there, as I call myself. I have all the Latino brothers call me maestro.

56:20 Drew Not really.

56:20 Adam Yo, yes. Maestro! And I point at my head and I yell maestro. I think it'll get to work.

56:28 Drew He'll stick.

56:28 Adam Yeah, and I always call, Izualdo is Nicaraguan, and I always call him Mexican. He can't stand that. The Nicaraguans, El Salvadorians, they don't like to be called Mexican.

56:42 Drew What's that called? Korean, Japanese, something?

56:44 Adam Huh?

56:45 Drew Liz.

56:46 Guest Hi.

56:47 Drew Hey, what's going on?

56:48 Adam What's happening?

56:49 Guest First of all, I have to tell you guys, I loved you guys both for like ever. I've been listening to you guys since I was in like fifth grade.

56:56 Drew Ooh.

56:57 Guest Yeah.

56:57 Drew I hope it was a good thing.

56:59 Guest Yeah, actually it was. Okay, that's not my real question. My real question is, okay, I haven't seen my dad since I was like seven, and he came back because he moved to Mexico, and he came back and he wants to be all involved in my life now, and I don't know what to do.

57:21 Drew Well, it doesn't work like that, right?

57:24 Guest Exactly.

57:24 Drew He can't just come and go as he pleases. I think it's important for you to, you tell me if this is accurate or not, but I suspect it would be important to you to let him know really how you feel in a genuine way, how his behavior has affected you. I think if you got that off your chest and really had an opportunity to be heard, if you really could receive that information, then you might have a foundation to start to reconnect with him. But if you have to deny what he's done to you or your feelings about him, that ain't going to work.

57:59 Guest See, I don't know if I want to reconnect with him.

58:03 Drew Because it's frightening. He might leave again, right?

58:06 Guest Exactly.

58:07 Drew Well, that's the kind of stuff you need to talk to him about.

58:10 Adam I think you can be honest with him. You can tell him, listen, I'd like to, but it's scary and you burned a bridge and we'll work on fixing it.

58:19 Drew I wouldn't even be that calm about it. It's like, hey, Dick Weed, really, you jerk. You really, really hurt me. You can't come and go like that and expect it just to be okay. I'm a doormat that you can use as you please. I have feelings and they were profoundly hurt by you.

58:36 Adam Are you sure she shouldn't start with ass wipe instead of Dick Weed?

58:40 Drew Yeah, ass wipe would be good. Yeah.

58:42 Adam Mel?

58:43 Yes.

58:43 Adam You're 21?

58:44 Caller Yes.

58:45 Adam What's up?

58:46 Caller Well, my fiance and I have been dating for four and a half years now and we have never had intercourse sex. He's brought me to orgasm a couple of times, just touching me and stuff, but he won't let me do that to him in return. We're both religious. He is more so than I am. And we've been both taught to wait till we get married. We're getting married next summer.

59:17 Adam What kind of? Are you guys wacky religions or just kind of wacky religions?

59:20 Caller No, just Christian, but it's just something that's kind of been taught to us since we were little. I have offered to have sex with him and he just kind of turns me down every time. I'm just kind of getting frustrated with him.

59:37 Adam How about a little oral sex?

59:39 Caller I see he won't let me. I've offered.

59:41 Adam That I worry about. How old is he?

59:43 Caller He's 22.

59:45 Adam Okay. Okay, so.

59:47 Caller We're both virgins.

59:48 Drew Thomas Morehouse.

59:48 Adam Drew, stop messing with your mic, would you? It sounds like we're in Frankenstein's lab. Put that down, would you?

59:54 Drew You put yours down.

59:55 Adam Mine doesn't hum that way.

59:56 Drew Yeah, well, I want to use your mic.

59:58 Adam Well, listen.

59:58 I'll get you a new one at the break.

59:59 Adam Let me give you some incentive. Drew, you won't be able to ram your chair under the console and lift it three feet off the ground when you shift around if you're leaned back with your mic, all right? But it's harder to punch too when it's not stationary that way. All right. Hey, Mel. Yeah. What else does this guy do? Does he live to the letter of the biblical law on everything?

1:00:22 Caller I think he tries to.

1:00:24 Adam He tries to, but does he?

1:00:27 Caller He's a really good person. I love him a lot.

1:00:29 Adam All right. Does he ever cheat on his taxes or litter?

1:00:34 Caller I don't think so. He's probably like the...

1:00:36 Adam Never punched anyone or something?

1:00:37 Drew Did anything ever happen to him when he was a kid that scared the crap out of him?

1:00:41 Caller Not that he's told me.

1:00:42 Adam He got his penis slammed between the two bibles.

1:00:45 Drew It seems so excessive.

1:00:47 Caller I mean, I can tell he's like aroused and stuff, and I want to, you know, help him out, and he's not that.

1:00:51 Adam All right. Now, he's helped you out with his fingers?

1:00:55 Caller Fingers, yeah. We've never taken our clothes completely off. I've had my shirt off a couple of times, but...

1:01:02 Drew We shouldn't be discouraging this, by the way. No.

1:01:03 Adam I mean, it's fine for all you little people. Not big celebrities like me.

1:01:08 Drew It's a good thing, and it also tends to, you know, heighten romance and arousal and expectation and idealization.

1:01:16 Adam Until they get naked, and you're like, oh, Christ, I married this big?

1:01:19 Caller I'm kind of like chunky. Huh?

1:01:22 Adam Are you chunky?

1:01:24 Caller I'm a little bit overweight.

1:01:26 Adam All right, baby. That's good. Why don't you keep your pants on? All right. Listen, Mel? Here's the thing. It's tough because of the religion, although anyone who gets in the religion too much is screwed up anyway, right? Yeah. Because it's all nonsense.

1:01:39 Drew Yeah, but these guys are... Listen.

1:01:41 Adam Okay. Okay. Marry him. I mean, you gotta marry him anyway because you gotta have sex, and he's not gonna get married unless he has sex, but don't be too surprised if he goes a little bit weird on you somewhere in there.

1:01:52 Drew But let's think of it this way. Mel, do you have any ill feeling about Mel? Does she give you the instinct of the same?

1:01:57 Adam No.

1:01:58 Drew Okay. He's chosen her.

1:01:59 Adam Right. All right.

1:01:59 Drew I'm all right with you.

1:02:01 Adam God bless you. Enjoy. All right. Thanks. All right. You guys will be fine. Here's what you need to say to it, Mel. Seriously. You need to say, listen, we haven't had sex. I haven't touched you in any biblical way, but listen, and we're getting married, and that's gonna be part of our future. But man, if something's up with you other than the religion, speak up now, right now. If you like guys, if you're thinking about altar boys, if your uncle, Gustio, when you're five and you're having difficulty coping with that, speak up. I wanna know. Okay. Thank you. You know, like he's gonna... 22. No oral sex.

1:02:46 Drew Yeah, I know in the mean streets of North Hollywood, he would be lynched.

1:02:50 Adam Yeah, we've...

1:02:51 Drew Just for attempting to maintain it.

1:02:53 Adam What's the opposite of a heretic? That's what we'd lynch him for. Uh, listen, I wouldn't...

1:03:00 Drew For piousness.

1:03:01 Adam He's a pious... He's a resolute. I wouldn't turn down oral sex from a syphilitic...

1:03:09 Drew No, a tyrannosaurus.

1:03:11 Adam Yeah, that's right. That's right. A piranha. Brian? Uh-huh? You're 26?

1:03:18 Caller Right.

1:03:19 Adam What's up?

1:03:20 Caller Um, I'm wondering to be a long-term effect of inhalants.

1:03:24 Drew Memory problems, mood disturbances, uh, abstract reasoning difficulties.

1:03:29 Adam What kind of inhalants?

1:03:31 Caller Okay, um, well, when I was in high school, we did a lot of that, like gasoline and spray paint for like a year.

1:03:38 Adam Yeah.

1:03:38 Caller Until we found out what it could do to you, and then we quit, but, uh.

1:03:42 Adam Well, here's the deal, Brian. Uh, you didn't do yourself any good, that you'll never know.

1:03:49 Drew Yeah, are you having specific problems now?

1:03:52 Caller Uh, well, I shake a little bit.

1:03:54 Drew Yep, tremor, that's a possibility.

1:03:57 Adam I've sucked a ton of gas and a ton of spray paint in my life.

1:04:00 Drew No, not like this.

1:04:01 Adam I didn't put it in a bag, but I mean, instead of doing it for five minutes, I worked for eight hours with it. It's different.

1:04:07 Drew It's different.

1:04:07 Adam Good. Good.

1:04:09 Drew It's not good, but it's different.

1:04:10 Adam Oh. Medium. Medium. Yeah.

1:04:14 Drew But it is what it is, Brian. There's no one doing it.

1:04:19 Adam I wouldn't freak himself out too much about it. I mean, listen, I don't think you did yourself any good, but he's 26. He's not even 30 yet.

1:04:27 Drew You should see these guys I've seen.

1:04:29 Adam Really?

1:04:30 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:04:31 Adam But how much huffing have they done?

1:04:32 Drew It's hard to tell how much, what the quantity, how to quantify that.

1:04:37 Adam Let me ask you something here, Drew. Is your brain like another, like a bone or a muscle in your body, whereas some guys, and these are some of the guys I grew up with, they fall out of buildings and stuff and they get up and they dust themselves off, and there's other guys who'd be killed. Most of the Jewish guys I hung out with. They'd be killed if they fell off of that same building.

1:05:01 Drew Or even more thoroughly thinking of that sort of line of reasoning, like your lungs. You're sitting here breathing, you're only using a small part of your lungs. There's all this reserve lung, and you could injure that, you could lose that, and you could still sit here and breathe comfortably.

1:05:16 Adam Right.

1:05:16 Drew But some people can tolerate more or less of that. It's the reserve issue. If you eat through your reserve.

1:05:24 Adam But here's what I'm asking, is your brain like a bone?

1:05:26 Drew Yes, yes. It's variable.

1:05:27 Adam And some guys beat the crap out of it and seem to be all right.

1:05:30 Drew It appears to be.

1:05:30 Adam And other guys, pow, they screw around just a little, they have a few hits of X or acid or whatever, and they're screwed.

1:05:36 Drew Yes.

1:05:38 Adam And why, what would make one brain more resilient than another? Would it be just a certain part of that brain?

1:05:44 Drew It's two separate issues. One is, do you upset a part that's already sort of precariously balanced? The answer to that is yes. There's that possibility.

1:05:52 Adam Right.

1:05:53 Drew But with things like alcohol and inhalants, you're actually doing global damage, and it's even more obvious there. Some people can tolerate this damage for decades, and they're kind of okay. Other guys, a couple years of it, and pow, they're just out of it.

1:06:05 Adam Yeah.

1:06:06 Drew It's real variable.

1:06:07 Adam Well, like my concrete guy, case a day. Case a day.

1:06:11 Drew Where'd he throw away his sofa by the way?

1:06:12 Adam Not a six pack, not 12 pack a day.

1:06:14 Drew This guy threw his sofa away?

1:06:16 Adam No, that was a guy, he was doing the concrete, he was finishing the slab. Oh, I see. He was a finisher. This guy was actually pouring it and forming it and grading it and all that kind of stuff. Case a day. Case a day. I was like, how do you find time to drink a case of beer a day? I can understand putting a 12 pack away a couple of days a week maybe.

1:06:37 Drew I can't put away six cokes, Coca-Cola.

1:06:39 Adam A case a day. I'd just be sitting and I'd put that diaper on, that collar was wearing earlier. How do you have time? He said, he ran an electronics store. It was his shop. He started drinking. He'd crack his first one about noon, keep a nice buzz going all day. Then, and also by the way, he said, sometimes you get home and hit the hard stuff. He's got that case buzz going the whole day.

1:07:04 Drew To me, it's just a little.

1:07:06 Adam Great. All right.

1:07:09 Drew We're early.

1:07:10 Adam We're not going to take a break. Yeah? You don't want to do that? No. Okay. Michelle? You're 15?

1:07:16 Guest Yeah.

1:07:16 Adam What's up?

1:07:17 Guest Hi. I've got kind of a weird problem. Since I was smaller, I've always sucked my finger, and I still do it, and I can't stop. I've got like this weird bump on my finger.

1:07:28 Drew Well, it's some sort of self-soothing mechanism you've developed.

1:07:31 Guest I guess so, but it's kind of strange because I kind of go back into childhood. Like when I was smaller, I wet my bed until I was like 13.

1:07:40 Drew Was your family kind of falling apart?

1:07:42 Guest Yeah.

1:07:43 Drew Yeah.

1:07:43 Guest When I was much smaller, when I was about five.

1:07:46 Drew Well, again, this is the situations where you needed things nourishment emotionally from your family, and what you got was chaos and deregulation of your emotional situation. When kids don't get the regulatory input they need, they fall back on whatever mechanisms are available to them.

1:08:04 Adam Yeah.

1:08:04 Drew Regression.

1:08:05 Adam Why don't you get a pacifier so you can give your finger a break?

1:08:08 Guest Well, I actually tried that, but it wouldn't work. When I was about three, I got a really bad cut on my thumb, and I switched, every time I put it in my mouth, it would hurt really badly. So I switched to my right index finger, and the pacifier just doesn't work.

1:08:25 Adam Yeah.

1:08:25 Guest And I've got this...

1:08:26 Adam Well, listen, dip it in that apple bitter stuff.

1:08:31 Drew No, no. Michelle, how about getting some therapy? You got some stuff going on.

1:08:35 Guest I actually went to a therapist when I was about seven.

1:08:37 Drew Yeah, but how about...

1:08:39 Adam Yeah, all you do is work with clay when you're seven.

1:08:41 Drew Yeah, get one and stay with it for about seven to ten years, and that's what it will take to get through all this.

1:08:45 Adam That's what a 15-year-old wants to hear.

1:08:48 Drew Take a long time.

1:08:50 Adam Listen, first off, I won't put any fingers in my mouth because I scratch my ass way too much. There's no way I'm getting it in there. And then I was thinking, I never did suck my thumb at all, any of my fingers. And you know why? Now that I think about it, I can't breathe. I can't breathe through my nose. I've got to have my mouth hanging open. And then it's not like you're sucking your thumbs, your mouth is an ashtray and your thumb is a cigarette just sitting in there. That's no good. I had like breast feed when I was a kid. Now that's my oral sex technique.

1:09:28 Drew Probably the deprivation from the breast that you're still going after now. You're trying to make up for lost time by getting the bigger, better breast.

1:09:40 Adam All right. Now we'll take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Ryan. Ryan is 18, does working out, increase stamina. You see, I'm stimulated by Ryan's call during sex. We'll find out. I'm interested in about the answer to that after this.

1:09:55 Caller Hello, this is your radio. Loveline will be right back.

1:10:36 Hey, no.

1:10:39 Adam Yeah, that's the love life. Adam Corolla, that's whoever. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. When we left off, we were talking about, talking to Ryan. Ryan is 18 years old. Ryan?

1:10:56 Drew Yeah?

1:10:57 Adam You want to know if working out increases stamina during sex?

1:11:01 Drew Yeah. It can increase your testosterone levels, the Kegel-type exercises, the exercises of the pelvic muscles, the sort of gluteal muscles, that kind of thing. Some people think it can create some control.

1:11:11 Adam Well, here's a question. I know this sounds like stupid and naive, but you mean how long you can hold out?

1:11:18 Drew Yeah.

1:11:18 Adam Okay. Because I didn't know if it meant how long you can go for. Yeah. I think both would apply though, right?

1:11:25 Drew Yeah.

1:11:25 Adam But the holding out thing doesn't really apply.

1:11:27 Drew Not really.

1:11:28 Adam Sorry, Ryan.

1:11:29 Caller All right. Thanks.

1:11:30 Drew Increases your desire for sex, probably.

1:11:32 Adam Cancel your membership to the gym there, Ryan. That ain't working, buddy.

1:11:36 Caller All right.

1:11:36 Adam See you. I'll tell you. I wish I had that.

1:11:40 Drew What? Desire to have sex?

1:11:42 Adam I have to coke semen out of my penis. I really do. I don't understand that.

1:11:47 Drew What do you mean? You have to perfect it, the mechanism whereby it can be released.

1:11:51 Adam I do. I mean, yeah. I have to force it out.

1:11:55 Drew With great speed, great alacrity.

1:11:57 Adam Yeah. Well, when I'm on my own.

1:11:59 Drew Oh, I see.

1:12:01 Adam Here's my feeling. Here's what I'm saying. Think about this for a second, Drew. I think I'm missing out. I mean, what is good about an orgasm beside the semen coming down the flume?

1:12:13 Drew Right.

1:12:13 Adam It's this sort of spontaneous explosion, right?

1:12:17 Drew Right.

1:12:17 Adam And for me, it's never spontaneous. I mean, it feels good, but I got to work it. You know what I'm saying?

1:12:22 Drew Like I said.

1:12:23 Adam I'm kind of missing a certain facet of it, if you think about it.

1:12:26 Drew Yeah. The chi part, you could skip Mastering for a couple of days and it will restore itself. How dare you?

1:12:33 Adam Do you know what I'm saying, Drew?

1:12:35 Drew Yeah.

1:12:35 Adam You understand what I'm getting at?

1:12:36 Drew I believe I do.

1:12:37 Adam I think I've been slighted.

1:12:40 Drew And I'm saying that that spontaneity and that intensity will come back if you give yourself a break.

1:12:45 Adam It won't. It doesn't. I'm wired a certain way down there. Do you know what I'm saying?

1:12:52 Drew Yeah.

1:12:53 Adam That's the way it works.

1:12:54 Drew That's sad.

1:12:55 Adam It is. Amy. Yep. You're 17. What's up?

1:13:03 Caller I've got a question. I'll start from the beginning. I've been with my boyfriend for about three and a half years now. And we're sexually active. And about two months ago, he had sex with somebody else. And we weren't we weren't officially hooked up then. But I found out he had sex with another girl. And everything built up. I'm now kicked out of my house.

1:13:34 Drew Because of what he did?

1:13:35 Caller Because he came over. He came over one night and he had we were talking. And he says, you know, I'm like, what's wrong? Because I could tell he was kind of, you know, unsettled. And he said, well, so and so might be pregnant. And I'm like, what? And then he kind of turned it around. It was like, I'm I effed up. I'm sorry. That, that, that, that, that, you know, he basically said, I'm going to commit suicide, you know.

1:13:59 Drew And how did that end up with you being kicked out of the house?

1:14:02 Adam That's where you folk kicked in?

1:14:03 Caller Well, no, no, no, no. All right.

1:14:05 Adam Well, get to that part, would you?

1:14:08 Caller I OK. I ended up I ended up leaving and taking home, making sure making sure he got home OK so he wouldn't go off and say, you know, do what he was going to say, you know. And when I came back, the doors were locked. I was a welcome home. And and then I ended up, you know, I was a welcome home basically after that. My parents don't like them. And I'm now living with one of my girlfriends. And now another part of this, I've I've I've been molested.

1:14:39 Adam There we go.

1:14:41 Drew This wasn't the first time you acted out. No, no, of course not.

1:14:45 Caller Yeah. And it was it was it was by my big brother when I was about probably about six to about 10, maybe 11.

1:14:55 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

1:14:57 Caller Yeah, exactly.

1:14:58 Adam This is your older brother, not stepbrother.

1:15:00 Caller Yeah, it's my older blood brother.

1:15:02 Adam Four years.

1:15:03 Caller Yeah.

1:15:03 Adam And what's up? What's up with your screwed up parents that they couldn't catch on to this?

1:15:07 Caller They never knew. They never caught on.

1:15:09 Adam And I know. But doesn't it seem like something's up with them?

1:15:14 Caller They never caught on. I was a little girl. He was just, you know, don't tell whatever, whatever, you know.

1:15:18 Adam And how old is he?

1:15:20 Caller Right now, he is 26. And now I came back.

1:15:25 Adam Hold on a second. He's almost 10 years older than she is. So when she was 10, he was 19. And I mean, he was at this from, you know, 14 to 19 or whatever. I mean, that's, or even like 15 to 19. I mean, starting that S up. I mean, it wasn't like he was 6.

1:15:47 Drew No, it was a mess.

1:15:48 Adam That's a mess, man. My God. What is up with him?

1:15:54 Caller See, but my family knows now.

1:15:56 Adam Okay, but what, first off, does he have any kids? What's he doing now?

1:16:00 Caller Yeah, when he, he got married when he was 23, I think. And he had, he had a daughter. And she had a heart transplant when she was born.

1:16:08 Drew Oh, my God.

1:16:09 Caller Yeah. And so she, and when all this was happening, she was in the hospital with another heart operation when I, when I had left.

1:16:17 Adam Okay. But the point is, does he have a kid who's alive?

1:16:19 Caller He has, yeah, she's, yeah, she's three right now. And then he has a son, 15 months old.

1:16:26 Drew Just what he needs.

1:16:27 Adam Yeah, great.

1:16:28 Caller Yeah. And, and my whole, I, I came back and talked to my whole family. I've got three olders, three older brothers, or two older brothers and one sister.

1:16:38 Drew Where are we going with this? Where are we going?

1:16:39 Caller Well, on, on, they all know now.

1:16:41 Drew All right. But what can we do tonight to help you?

1:16:44 Caller I'm, Chris is my boyfriend. He is the one that, you know, help me out and, you know, help me out.

1:16:50 Drew We have no doubt he's not a good guy, by the way. Really? You're attracted to him.

1:16:55 Caller Yeah, I, because I love him with all my heart. And he doesn't.

1:16:57 Drew That's the problem.

1:16:57 Caller He used to do drugs and he used to do this, but he's an, he's an, he's an AA now.

1:17:01 Drew Good.

1:17:01 Adam All right, good.

1:17:02 Drew All right, good.

1:17:03 Adam But he screwed around on you, but it was before you guys officially got together.

1:17:07 Drew Right.

1:17:07 Adam So what, so what do you want to do?

1:17:10 Caller That's the thing. I don't know what to do.

1:17:11 Adam Okay, listen, you can stay with him. It's probably not going to be forever. And don't get pregnant.

1:17:17 Caller Okay.

1:17:17 Adam Do you hear me?

1:17:18 Caller Yes.

1:17:19 Adam How many brothers and sisters in your family, including you?

1:17:23 Caller Three girls and two boys.

1:17:25 Adam That's including you.

1:17:26 Caller That's including me.

1:17:27 Adam All right, so there's five of you.

1:17:28 Caller Yep.

1:17:29 Adam Good. See what a mess it is? Don't have any.

1:17:33 Caller Okay.

1:17:34 Adam All right. Just look. Go to school. Get your GED. Go to junior college. Get a job. Fight to keep it. Do all that stuff. Just don't have a kid and don't get chaotic with this guy. Okay. As long as he's good to you, you can stay with him. But you get on birth control. You hear me? Yes. All right.

1:17:50 Guest Okay. Thank you.

1:17:51 Adam Good. Take care of yourself.

1:17:52 Guest You too. Thank you.

1:17:53 Adam All right. She sounded all right considering.

1:17:55 Drew Considering what she's been through.

1:17:58 Adam As I kill my parents if they did that. I mean, listen, that's a big brother. The big brother is a mess and obviously, the big brother is a product of this family. But where the hell the parents at this 18, 19-year-old guys haven't asked your seven, eight-year-old.

1:18:11 Drew For years.

1:18:11 Adam For years and you're not catching on to this?

1:18:14 Drew Yeah.

1:18:14 Adam That's horrible parenting. Drew, you couldn't smuggle a pack of matches in your house, could you? Parents frisky at the door. Your dad had a very crude metal detector that he'd fashioned out of foil and some aluminum siding. They used to go off. Drew would have to pull his retainer out and throw it in the bucket and pass it through. His mom would take it and be just like the airport, right? Keys. Carrying keys, sir. And then she had that wand. You know, the wand she used was one of those electric coal starters they used to use in the barbecue. I didn't plug that in. I was thinking about my grandfather used to use one of those. They used to start charcoal briquettes, everybody, like when you barbecue.

1:19:02 Drew How did they do that anymore?

1:19:03 Adam Because they didn't work. That's why. And they burned up as much electricity as the city of Atlanta uses in three months to start a bunch of coals.

1:19:12 Drew It's like the coils are at the bottom of your oven.

1:19:14 Adam Yeah.

1:19:14 Drew On a stick.

1:19:15 Adam Yeah. You know those coils, those heating coils, like an electric oven, on a little stick with a plastic handle and you just stuff it into the charcoal briquettes.

1:19:24 Drew And seven hours later.

1:19:25 Adam Seven hours later, they're almost ready to go. It was great. It always sit there for like two hours. Then we'd realize it wasn't plugged in. Like, you know, the extension cord running into the house. But it would be on a kitchen. It'd be on like a kitchen outlet that was on a switch that wasn't flipped or something.

1:19:46 Drew What was the problem with lighter?

1:19:48 Adam I don't know why grandpa couldn't have thrown a little lighter fluid on there and gotten the thing going. He loved that one.

1:19:54 Drew That was that period of time when anything new was good.

1:19:57 Adam Yeah.

1:19:58 Drew Early 70s period.

1:19:59 Adam Oh, man. That thing never... I'd like to find the guy who invented that and just kick the ass out of it.

1:20:03 Drew Think of all... We should come up with a whole book of early 70s...

1:20:08 Adam Junk that didn't work.

1:20:09 Drew Well, yeah. Conveniences. Early 70s conveniences.

1:20:12 Adam Right. Yeah.

1:20:14 Drew You know?

1:20:14 Adam Yeah.

1:20:15 Drew There's got to be a thousand of them.

1:20:16 Adam Yeah.

1:20:17 Drew Just like that. And all the most ugliest, hideous design of all time. Each, every one of them.

1:20:22 Adam Oh, right, right. Yeah. Well, my house had a under... The house I just bought at an under-counter toaster that was... It was built into the wall. It was built into the wall and it slid out. And the problem is it didn't slide out enough to clear the upper cabinet. So it's about three inches. So the bread could go in, you'd bend it, because it was not toasted yet, but you had to snap it in half to pull it out of the thing.

1:20:47 Drew There you go.

1:20:48 Adam Yeah, that's when everything had to be... It's in the wall. It's built in the wall, pops right out. It's cool. Albert?

1:20:52 Caller Yeah.

1:20:53 Adam You're 28?

1:20:54 Caller Yeah.

1:20:55 Adam What's up?

1:20:55 Caller I just want to stop by telling Adam and Drew, you guys are badass, man. I like listening to you guys. You guys got a good show there.

1:21:01 Adam Oh, thank you.

1:21:03 Caller Yeah, you know, I work at a place that has like 500 people working there. You know, it's a pretty big place. And I've been with like four different girls from work. And they all know about each other, you know, and I kind of got like a reputation going around there.

1:21:20 Adam What kind of place? Is it Dick?

1:21:22 Caller Huh?

1:21:22 Adam What kind of place?

1:21:25 Caller It's like a warehouse.

1:21:28 Adam Uh-huh.

1:21:28 Caller Yeah, it's pretty big, you know.

1:21:31 Adam I'll tell you, that's some hot tail, that warehouse tail. You ever see those warehouse chicks?

1:21:36 Caller You'd be surprised, man.

1:21:37 Adam Yeah, I know. No, I know. I know. They're some pretty good-looking chicks. A little too much eye makeup, but they're pretty good-looking.

1:21:43 Caller Yeah, it works sometimes.

1:21:44 Adam Yeah.

1:21:45 Caller But anyways, I've been with like four of them at work, and then I've kind of made out with a few of them.

1:21:49 Drew What's the question?

1:21:50 Adam What's more of a declaration than it is a question so far? Yeah.

1:21:54 Caller It's real awkward at work sometimes. I can't even where I work.

1:21:57 Adam Oh, you love every second of it. What are you talking about? What do you do over there? Drive that forklift?

1:22:03 Caller I'm telling you, man, when they're... Just to get to where I work, I have to pass by two of them.

1:22:08 Adam Oh, you love it. You're not marrying. Where do you care? You're not marrying anyone.

1:22:11 Drew But this is why you don't mess around at work. It's just very uncomfortable when things don't work out.

1:22:15 Adam That's why I broke things off with Anne and Danielle and Anderson.

1:22:19 Caller Yeah, because I'm telling you, it's awkward. It's just, see, that's my question.

1:22:21 Drew You're gay. Of course it is.

1:22:23 Caller It's awkward as hell.

1:22:24 Adam All right. Well, listen, you should have thought about that, but who cares? What do you do over there?

1:22:29 Caller Same thing as everybody else, basically.

1:22:30 Drew So you're not in any sort of authority position over these folks?

1:22:33 Caller I'm not going to be for a while because of that, probably.

1:22:36 Drew I mean, it really affects you.

1:22:38 Adam Now, listen, he's bragging. I banged four chicks, I made out with five others, they talk about it.

1:22:45 Drew Be that as it may, though, he's probably uncomfortable.

1:22:47 Caller I'm the big boy.

1:22:49 Drew Probably is uncomfortable.

1:22:50 Adam I never had that feeling of being uncomfortable in front of a woman I had sex with.

1:22:55 Drew But you never were in a focused environment where there's more than one.

1:22:58 Adam Well, once in a while, I'd go back and visit the old whorehouse, and I'd see a couple of them, and it was a little bit uncomfortable in the parlor. I'm trying to think, it was kind of cool. I like that. I don't mind other people, no one either. It's kind of nice. I mean, it's a little bitch for the women. I understand with the double standard and everything. But he's an idiot. If he wasn't a dick, he wouldn't have nailed four. When he said made out with a bunch of other ones, what do you think he was trying to do?

1:23:30 Drew I understand he's been a dick, but he doesn't like the fact that he's been that way.

1:23:33 Adam Yeah, he was bragging. He's fine. It's a warehouse job. And you know what? I'm not sure that there's anything in a lot of warehouses. I think they're just big places where people that work.

1:23:44 Drew Just big hangers.

1:23:45 Adam They just hang out at work. Yeah, but they don't actually have any products.

1:23:48 Drew David.

1:23:49 Adam David? Yeah. You're 27. What's up?

1:23:52 Caller Hey, what's happening? Love the show. I was just wondering, in the past, I had a lot of drug use. I smoked a whole lot of pot. Now, I've been cleaning sober for three years, and I'm just wondering if my short-term memory's ever going to come back.

1:24:07 Drew You still have a problem with that? It should be a lot better by now.

1:24:11 Caller Well, it is kind of. I mean, I work for 411, so you'd think it's all right, but sometimes I couldn't tell you what I had for breakfast.

1:24:19 Adam Yeah, that's all right. I do that. Means you're a genius.

1:24:22 Drew What other drugs did you do besides pot?

1:24:25 Caller Well, I had used amphetamines also in the past, but it had been about eight or nine years, and I did a lot of LSD, too.

1:24:32 Drew Yeah, one of the LSD. Usually the memory problem from pot comes back over a year or two, really almost entirely. At least that's been my experience. So I have to wonder if there was some other injury from LSD or the amphetamine. I have had a few patients who have been on amphetamine complain that there's a memory problem that's persistent.

1:24:53 Adam Hey, you work for-

1:24:53 Drew That's people do a lot of amphetamines.

1:24:55 Adam You work for 411?

1:24:57 Caller Yeah.

1:24:58 Adam You an operator?

1:24:59 Caller Yeah.

1:25:00 Adam Hey. Oh, jeez, no, I forgot what I was putting.

1:25:02 Caller No, I don't give out wrong numbers.

1:25:04 Adam What? No, I don't mind that part. But you know what part I have trouble using all the time? Where they go, if you'd like to connect, if you'd like to be automatically connected to this number for an additional charge, push one or whatever. And I go, oh yeah, fine. I'm busy and as I've stated, literally a millionaire.

1:25:22 Drew Then you push.

1:25:22 Adam I press one and then it's like, no, no. Press one and then it's like, please dial your access number or dial in which long distance carrier or whatever. It's like, oh, screw it. I hang up and then dial the number at that point. I didn't know I was going to be led down a long path. I just thought I could push the button.

1:25:43 Caller Actually Adam, I do it for cellular phones and we connect you for free.

1:25:47 Adam Well, that's what I like about the cellular phones. If you want to call 100 bucks a month free, fine. But let me tell you this, David, good. I'm glad you brought that up because every time I get a number on my cell phone, they always do this and I wish they'd eliminate this because you're driving and you're going, yeah, I need the North Hollywood Taco Bell and they'll go, okay, I'll connect you to 818-76 and I always want to jump in and go, don't give me the number, just connect me.

1:26:15 Drew Well, what's worse is-

1:26:16 Adam I'm not dating the guy there.

1:26:16 Drew Then you get connected and it's a busy signal and you don't know what the number is you've just dialed.

1:26:20 Adam Oh, Drew, it's so good.

1:26:21 Drew That's what kills me.

1:26:21 Adam You know what's a bitch too, David? Sometimes when I order a mint julep and they don't have a silver swizzle stick, and the escargot is cold, or at least a little colder than room temperature, which is how I like it and how it's meant to be eaten. You know what I'm saying? No.

1:26:40 Drew So David, the thing is, I have had some patients that use a lot of amphetamine complaint of this as a persistent problem, so it might be related to that. Memory does have a behavioral component to it, so you can work on retraining your brain. At your young age, you should be able to overcome a lot of that.

1:26:56 Adam You know what else is good for memory, too? Get some sleep.

1:26:59 Drew Mood is, you know, having your affect, your mood properly stabilized.

1:27:02 Adam Nah, that doesn't do it, but getting a little sleep does. All right, when we come back, we're gonna talk to Jackie. Jackie, developing feelings for her best friend. Does it mean she's a lesbian? Well, good, I'm glad it's a girl.

1:27:16 How gay are you?

1:27:17 Adam We'll be back. Wait a minute, I think I can time a fart here. Wait, does it do the thing?

1:27:57 Drew Here it goes. Oh.

1:28:00 Adam Wait a minute, wait a minute. What is that ba-da-da-da?

1:28:02 Drew He wants the break. Start at the beginning.

1:28:04 Adam Oh, we shifted that song somewhere? I had a fart worked up. I was gonna get it right into the break. I don't know if I can do it. I think I could. Can we start that again, Anderson? All right, it's gonna have the break? Yeah.

1:28:34 Drew Come on. There it is.

1:28:42 Adam Jesus Christ. That was tough. That wasn't much of a fart, but you got the point. I was standing in my kitchen today with the wheeze, and he's just standing next to my old roommate, and he's just standing next to me, and I just go like, and he looks at me, and he pauses a beat. He doesn't say a name. He goes, the one comes lying on him. I give it a beat. I'm like, he looks at me again, he takes a beat and he goes, this barely squeezes. It was like, and I'm like, I give it a beat. I look at him and it's like, and he just looks at me and he goes, I'm gonna ask in my pants. I'm gonna ask in my pants. It was like Checkmate or something. It was the opposite of Checkmate. I give, uncle, he was like, I'd like to keep going but I'm gonna cramp my pants. I'm like, yeah, it's cool. What a weird, we're both 36. That says it all right. He wasn't even laughing. He looked at me seriously. He's like, I could keep going but I'm gonna ask in my pants. I'm like, it's cool. Jackie? I'm 36 years young. Yeah. Hello? Yeah. And you're 17? Yeah.

1:30:14 Drew Oh boy.

1:30:15 Adam What's up there, baby?

1:30:16 Caller First of all, can I say something? I've been listening to you guys for only a week and I think you guys are like really smart, so.

1:30:23 Drew Thank you, especially after Adam just regaled you with his poor I'll humor.

1:30:29 Adam That timing was still pretty good with the fart though, right?

1:30:32 Drew That's nice.

1:30:32 Caller Okay. Well, it's kind of complicated. I've had this best friend for my whole life and she's so beautiful to me and she doesn't think that, but lately I've just been having these weird ideas about her and stuff. And I don't know if it's just hormones or have you had a boyfriend?

1:30:53 Drew Have you been with boys?

1:30:55 Caller I haven't had a boyfriend a year.

1:30:56 Drew So do you like boys?

1:30:59 Caller I'm sorry. What?

1:30:59 Drew Do you like boys?

1:31:00 Guest Oh, well, I like boys.

1:31:02 Caller It's just, I don't know, they never seem good enough for me. I always find one little thing wrong. And it's like, oh, he's a loser, you know? And so I don't know what it is. I'm really confused.

1:31:13 Drew That might be a defense against getting involved. Huh?

1:31:15 Caller Yeah.

1:31:16 Adam Yeah. What's up? Where's daddy?

1:31:18 Caller He's at home.

1:31:20 Caller Yeah.

1:31:21 Caller He's really nice to me and everything.

1:31:22 Adam Why? Why are you scared of guys?

1:31:24 Caller I'm not scared of guys.

1:31:25 Adam Well, why do you sort of pick your way out of a relationship with them?

1:31:29 Caller Yeah, exactly.

1:31:30 Caller It's...

1:31:32 Adam Why is that?

1:31:34 Caller It's just...

1:31:35 Caller I don't know. But it's like people say that I'm too, like, feminist, you know?

1:31:41 Caller Feministic.

1:31:43 Caller Like, it's hard to explain.

1:31:46 Adam That's euphemism for lesbians. All right, listen, eh, Jackie?

1:31:49 Caller Yeah?

1:31:50 Drew Another one being picky, by the way.

1:31:52 Adam No. Go ahead and hold out. Fine. Drew, you hope your daughter holds out, right? And, uh, there's nothing wrong with being attracted to your friend. And girls do this all the time. I-I don't think it's a lesbian thing, necessarily.

1:32:04 Drew Intimate feelings and sexual feelings get-get sort of mushed together at your age. It's hard to tell the difference.

1:32:11 Caller Uh, okay.

1:32:12 Adam What-what-I mean, do you fantasize about her?

1:32:15 Caller Um, sometimes. It doesn't get like, you know, how guys always have these pictures of girls I mean, it's not like they're just a bunch of girls with whips together and stuff.

1:32:23 Adam I see more romantic.

1:32:24 Caller No, no, no. I see it more romantic.

1:32:27 Adam Candles, holding each other.

1:32:28 Drew It's that intimacy that you're not getting from the guys, and guys your age have difficulty delivering on.

1:32:34 Adam Yeah. Women could deliver that, except for lesbians don't, necessarily. I mean, yeah, they don't. You know what I'm saying? Very ironic. Two heterosexual women could really deliver the goods for each other. You know, draw your bath, trail the rose petals, flowers just because. If I told you how beautiful you are, that the slacks are slimming. But I don't think lesbians really have that component, because they're like guys. That's what makes them lesbians. And then ironically enough, gay guys have that, but you hetero chicks can't get them either. You're screwed. You can't get it from hetero guys, for the most part. You can't get it from lesbian chicks, and you can't get it from gay guys, but they don't want to deliver it. So you're kind of screwed with all that stuff. I think your best bet is a woman is to find a sort of gay guy. Not really gay, but what I call hallmark gay, would be gay, half-mo. All right, well anyway, Jack is confused. Don't get all caught up in this.

1:33:38 Drew No, no, she's fine.

1:33:39 Adam Right. Don't act out. Well, if you want, what the hell? Scott, it's not going to clarify anything though. You're 19.

1:33:45 Drew Right. Just sit back, figure out what you want from a relationship.

1:33:48 Adam During sex, your boyfriend noticed a bump on your butt.

1:33:54 Drew You're gay.

1:33:55 Adam That was his nuts.

1:33:57 Drew What do you mean a bump?

1:33:59 Caller I don't know.

1:33:59 Caller He said it was, I don't know.

1:34:03 Caller I mean, it doesn't affect me anyway.

1:34:05 Caller I mean, if I can go to the bathroom, I don't feel like I can sit down. I mean, I don't even know it was there. We have been going out for about eight, nine months now.

1:34:15 Adam Was he cornholeing you?

1:34:17 Caller Yeah.

1:34:18 Adam Really?

1:34:20 Caller He noticed and then we stopped.

1:34:23 Drew I mean, I didn't know what it was.

1:34:24 Adam Where is the bump? On your butt or in your butt?

1:34:27 Caller In it.

1:34:28 Drew So it's near the anus. That's a hemorrhoid.

1:34:31 Caller Is it?

1:34:32 Drew Yeah.

1:34:33 Adam Hold on. Reason number 2755, why I don't go gay. Discovering a hemorrhoid on my partner's anus with my penis.

1:34:46 Caller How do you get hemorrhoids?

1:34:47 Drew Mostly inherited and straining and that's it.

1:34:50 Adam Working a little too hard on the pod?

1:34:52 Drew Yeah. Having anal sex will give you hemorrhoids possibly.

1:34:55 Adam All right. You're not experiencing any pain down there? No.

1:34:59 Drew It may be a skin tag or other thing that's sort of fibrous tags.

1:35:01 Adam Hey, why don't you get on a mirror and figure that out? I did that to myself.

1:35:05 Drew Let's see a proctologist.

1:35:06 Adam Let me tell you what I did, Scott.

1:35:07 Drew Any doctor, actually, for that matter.

1:35:08 Adam I got my ass, I put it up against a big glass sliding door, big mirror door, and I shined a flashlight off the mirror into my took eye, so I could see what was going on down there. See what I'm saying? Yeah, it wasn't pretty.

1:35:23 Caller So if it's not a hemorrhoid, what else could it be possibly?

1:35:26 Adam I don't know. Examine it.

1:35:27 Drew See what it is. A fibrous tag, a fistula, all kinds of things.

1:35:31 Adam Hey, should gay guys go to a special ass doctor?

1:35:35 Drew No, but they should be paying attention because you can get some pathology.

1:35:37 Adam But if I was a proctologist, I'd say specializing, serving the homosexual community for over a quarter of a century. I mean, that's an area that gets a lot of work. Yeah. I mean, it's like a gynecologist for a woman. You know, he was a special doctor for that part. You know what I'm saying? I don't need an ass doctor. But if I was gay, I was getting that kind of ass work, I'd probably need to see somebody.

1:36:03 Drew Probably.

1:36:04 Adam Okay. You gay guys think about that. We'll be back.

1:36:09 Caller Hello? Is this Loveline?

1:36:11 Caller Call 1-800-LOVE-191. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back.

1:36:51 Adam Two drawers and pullouts, crazy. All righty. Well, that's it. Another fabulous show. Interesting show tonight. Why? I don't know why.

1:37:00 Drew Different, different.

1:37:00 Adam Different. There you go. All right. We'll take ourselves a little 22-hour break, and we'll be back with, who's here?

1:37:09 Drew Deftones.

1:37:10 Adam Oh, really? Okay. I got to work that out. Oh, the Deftones. Geez, they're doing well. Good. Haven't seen those guys in a little while, have we? They've been around a couple of times, right? I want to thank Ann and Daniel and Anderson for coming in and doing a wonderful job with the big spin in Fingerpoint tonight. So, until next time, it's my turn to point the finger. This is Adam Crowell for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo. You love Fat Camp, don't you, Lardos? I can't hear you, son.

1:37:36 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, August 8, 2000