Episode 1000754886999

1:01 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:10 Voiceover Loveline, coast to coast.

1:14 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Tonight, the guest is the love that is found between the two hosts.

1:30 Drew Can you quite get that out?

1:31 Adam Yeah, it's funny. Drew gave a look at the schedule, then he looked back at me, then he looked down at his microphone, and he looked back up at me. That's right. Brevity is the soul of wit, Drew.

1:42 Drew That's right. I was actually bewildered.

1:44 Adam Steven? Steven, you're 18 years old. What's up?

1:50 Caller Hey, how are you guys doing?

1:51 Adam Good.

1:51 Caller All right. Big problem. My ex-girlfriend, she's been on the pill for about two months now. Right now, she's complaining that she's getting sick in the morning because I still do talk to her. She thinks she might be pregnant, but she was on the pill and I also was pulling out while we were having sex.

2:11 Drew All right. Either she's getting sick from the pill, which people do commonly.

2:15 Caller After two months, though. Yeah.

2:17 Drew Sometimes, if they don't really understand that they need to make some changes, it could have been that way the whole time and the pill is basically your body believing it's pregnant.

2:25 Adam Has she been taking the pill properly?

2:27 Drew That's the other thing.

2:29 Caller She told me that she's never missed a day, but she's maybe taken it maybe one hour off of the time she was.

2:34 Drew Well, that shouldn't change anything. Has she taken any other medication on top of it?

2:37 Caller Not recently. She recently did have like a throat infection that I gave her, but that was about it.

2:42 Adam Is she trying to lure you back into her web of deceit?

2:47 Caller Well, I know she does want me back, but I already made it clear that I don't want to get back with her.

2:52 Drew Yeah, but the question was, is this a ploy for her to try to get you back?

2:55 Caller I don't think it is. Maybe she was kind of asking me about that. Oh, if I do have the kid, would you get back with me? Right.

3:02 Drew Magically. And maybe she didn't take the pill so properly during some of your encounters.

3:08 Adam Did she know you were going to break up before you broke up?

3:13 Caller Well, I did break up with her one time before, but I got back with her that same day because, well...

3:18 Drew You wanted to have sex.

3:19 Caller No, no, that's not it. I don't like doing that with the girl.

3:21 All right.

3:23 Caller Not that I don't like sex.

3:24 Adam All right. Should she go get a test or what?

3:26 Drew Yeah, she should go get a test. I wondered when he said he gave her a sore throat whether she took some antibiotics for that and that could screw up the effectiveness of the pill. So, sure, it's possible. It's possible she's pregnant.

3:35 Adam Yeah. And listen, guys, who all you guys do that, I'm going to break up with you, but then I'm going to get on the maintenance, the sexual maintenance program. That's fine. But keep in mind, if they want to suck you back in, they may just conveniently forget to take that pill, and then you may be sucked in for life. Or at least they may suck your wallet back in. Does the vagina actually have a vacuum, Drew? Oh, yeah. Oh, it does. Interesting. Scott?

4:02 Yeah.

4:02 Adam You're 22?

4:04 Caller Yeah.

4:04 Adam What's up?

4:05 Caller Well, here's the problem. Me and my wife, we've been married for almost two years, but we've been together for five. You know, the sex was great in the beginning, and constantly nonstop. You know, blowjobs are there.

4:21 Adam Hold on, let me get my scratch back.

4:23 Drew Blowjobs are there.

4:23 Adam Did he say yes to blowjobs?

4:25 Drew He said they're there.

4:26 Adam But a check by blowjob?

4:28 Caller Yeah, they were there constantly. Never had to ask. And now they're like, gone. Sex has stopped once, maybe twice a month, if I'm lucky. You know, we do have a daughter that was born on my birthday just before we, or just after we got married. And I know that women's hormones change after childbirth and everything, but that was just like instantly.

4:53 Drew Oh, so immediately after the pregnancy, she was shut down?

4:57 Caller It started a little bit before that, but after the pregnancy, it was gone.

5:02 Adam All right. And that's been two years now?

5:05 Caller Going on two years, yeah.

5:07 Drew So maybe something biologically is affecting her. Maybe she's depressed. Maybe her hormones haven't sort of normalized since the pregnancy. That's something that warrants evaluation. And maybe there's something going on in the relationship here.

5:18 Caller Well, not that I know of. I mean, we're happy all around. I mean, we don't, we don't.

5:23 Drew It seems like Scott will be the last to know.

5:25 Adam It does. Scott, does she ever talk to you about it? Does she feel guilty? Does she feel bad?

5:32 Caller Well, all she really tells me is she don't want it.

5:36 Adam I know. OK, but here's what I'm saying, Scott. If you're a loving and nurturing partner in this relationship, and for some reason or another, she does not want to be intimate with you, then she would say to you, hey, look, you know, I'm sorry. There's something going on with me. You're a great guy. I'm sorry I'm putting you through this. Let me see if I can do something about it. But she wouldn't just say, hey, get away. I don't want any.

6:00 Drew I don't know. What woman have you ever met that does the former?

6:04 Adam No woman. I just invented.

6:05 Drew You invented her. Yeah, that's a woman that's a man.

6:08 Adam OK, no. Here's what I'm saying, Drew. If Scott is a great guy, and he's being a great husband and a great father, and everything's great, but something's going on in her, and she has to keep saying no to him, I think she would say, I'm sorry. I mean, my sympathy and condolences go out to your penis.

6:27 Drew The irony in all this is that it never happens because as soon as the guy starts bugging, now the woman's pissed. So there's no more that I'm sorry. It's like, hey, cut it out, and now they're shut completely down.

6:40 Adam Do you bug her at all, Scott?

6:42 Caller In the beginning, yeah. Now it's more, I just kind of go with whenever she wants a type of thing.

6:48 Adam But aren't you a little bit angry at her too?

6:52 Caller You know, I could say that I was, but I mean, how can you be mad? You know, I mean.

6:57 Adam Well, you can feel shunned and hurt.

7:00 Drew Frustrated, rejected, right.

7:02 Adam Okay.

7:03 Drew Rageful, angry. Yeah.

7:05 Caller I'm not angry. I just would really like to find out what's going on.

7:09 Drew Why doesn't she go get evaluated? I said there's certainly a real possibility that it could be a depression or a biological problem.

7:15 Caller Well, she did see a doctor and they had prescribed Zoloft.

7:20 Drew Yeah. All right. So, already somebody has suspected a significant mood disturbance here, so that's for real. And those mood disturbance are definitely affected by the hormones. She should see a doctor that specializes in this kind of thing. Impossible. Sometimes just going on the birth control pill can restore some of their libido. If she is sick enough from a mood-wise to need antidepressant medicine, she warrants an expert opinion.

7:42 Adam It's weird, too. When a woman shuts down and then a guy comes at her a couple of times, they get angry.

7:48 Drew A couple of times. The first time the guy is pleading, the woman is completely turned off.

7:54 Adam Right. We wouldn't do that. I mean, as a guy, if you shut down and a woman came at you, you'd be...

7:59 Drew You'd rally. Or you'd be embarrassed.

8:01 Adam Well, not only would you rally and do something, but let's just say you couldn't. Let's just say you were so goddamn depressed you couldn't get a boner.

8:07 Drew You'd be embarrassed, ashamed, you'd apologize.

8:10 Adam Honey, this is my friend Stu. He's agreed to go down on you for a while. I'm going to buy you a new vibrator. We're going to take care of you. I feel guilty.

8:20 Drew Yeah, I feel really...

8:21 Adam Yeah.

8:22 Drew As opposed to, hey, you're objectifying me. You make me feel like you just want sex. Is that right?

8:29 Adam Yeah.

8:29 Drew Is that nuts?

8:30 Adam No, I hate women too. Samantha?

8:33 Yeah.

8:33 Adam You're 14?

8:34 Caller Yeah.

8:34 Adam What's up?

8:36 Caller I'm not sure if I'm a lesbian.

8:39 Drew Well, at 14, it's good to not be sure of much, okay?

8:42 Caller Okay.

8:43 Drew So, don't go signing yourself up for any particular party or sexual orientation.

8:49 Caller Okay.

8:49 Drew It's all right. Just relax.

8:51 Adam Why do you think you're a lesbian?

8:53 Caller Well, I have this...

8:55 Caller She's my best friend, and I'm attracted to her.

9:01 Drew You're a lesbian. That's also common, and doesn't mean anything. It means you're attracted to your girlfriend. It may or may not mean you have a homosexual orientation. It may mean you confuse intimate or warm and sexual feelings, which 14 is when you do that.

9:17 Caller And I don't know. It's just... It kind of seems like she...

9:22 Drew Oh, let's stop. It also seems like you're depressed. I mean, you sound kind of depressed.

9:27 Caller I don't know.

9:28 Caller Well, my parents are sleeping, so I have to talk quiet.

9:32 Drew Doesn't sound like you feel like...

9:33 Adam Yeah, but what 14-year-old calls this show is not depressed. Are you depressed?

9:39 Caller No, I don't feel depressed.

9:40 Adam Okay. Do you like guys?

9:43 Caller Not really.

9:43 Caller I mean, they're cool to hang out with and stuff, but...

9:46 Adam Right. But there's the cootie factor.

9:49 Caller Well, the idea of a guy shoving his tongue down my throat are, you know, not appealing.

9:54 Adam No more. It gives me the heebie-jeebies.

9:57 Drew You're finally off that now.

9:58 Adam Drew, would you rather make out... Let me... Hold on. Let me ask you a question.

10:02 Drew Here we go.

10:03 Adam Hypothetical.

10:04 Drew Hypothetical. For a million dollars?

10:05 Adam No. First off, listen, I don't go for that million dollar BS.

10:10 Drew Yeah, but how many... When you were 14, how many times a day did you ask that of your friends?

10:14 Adam No, no. I go for it now. But here's my point. People always do that stuff where they go, you know, you let this guy give you a BJ or your tongue kiss, you know, Richard Simmons or you, you know, do this to your dad or that to your mom and guys, a million dollars. No, no, not a million. Then you start going up, five million. No, ten million. Okay, now I'm listening. Ten million. Ten-five. But the reality is, is most people who are working a crappy job and bringing home 28 grand a year after Uncle Sam's done with them, they see, you know, 19 of that a year. You show them an at-the-shay case.

10:55 Drew With 50.

10:56 Adam Filled with 50,000 bucks, tax-free.

10:59 Drew Whatever.

10:59 Adam Hey, listen, you want to get somebody killed, you do it for three grand. 2,500, no problem. I could get on this radio right now. Wait a minute, I'm on the radio right now? I could get someone to kill anybody in my family for three grand. Man, I hope they're listening. It could be that easy. So my point is, is 50 grand would do it. Ten grand would do it for just about anything. I don't go for this million crap, but Drew, would you rather make out with a guy passionately with your tongue for let's say five minutes, like a good long song.

11:37 Drew Who do we know that had to do that recently?

11:39 Adam I don't know.

11:40 Drew Yeah, we met someone.

11:41 Adam Don't change your subject.

11:42 Drew Make out, yeah.

11:43 Adam Or give the guy like a 30-second BJ. Yeah, that's tough. It's tough because a lot of you girls listening think there's a big difference, but for a guy, I don't know, making out, like really slopping tongues back and forth, five minutes.

12:03 Drew The penis.

12:04 Adam I might go BJ for 30 seconds.

12:05 Drew The penis is a real commitment. You know what I'm saying?

12:08 Adam Either way, you're not marrying the guy.

12:10 Drew No, I don't mean that kind of commitment. I mean, it's a, it's stepping up, you know what I'm saying?

12:15 Adam Makes you gay? What do you got against the gay, Drew?

12:18 Drew No, no.

12:19 Adam You got a problem with the gays?

12:21 Drew It's, as you've said, it's, you know, it's a graduating to something that, you know.

12:27 Adam Gay guys must love this conversation when straight guys like us are going, how much to just touch your tongue against that other guy's tongue? Five million dollars. Five million.

12:38 Drew No, I think I do the making out part.

12:39 Adam You do the making out?

12:41 Drew Yeah, yeah.

12:42 Adam Five minutes, that's a long, that's a lot of tongue.

12:44 Drew Yeah, it wouldn't be fun.

12:45 Adam Lot of tongue. Yeah. I mean, that's eternity, five minutes. Okay. What about 45 seconds worth of hand job? The hand, I mean, as a physician, that's something.

12:58 Drew Yeah, it's nothing.

12:59 Adam Yeah, I could do that. I mean, listen, I've, you know, fished super balls out of the toilet and grabbed, pulled tampons out of the toilet. I think I could do a handy for 45.

13:09 Drew But now you're talking about arousing someone and that's like, oof.

13:12 Adam Well, you know, when you're making out with them, you know, you're going to feel it between the genes there when you're making out.

13:18 Drew Oh, if the other person, if the other, oh, not me.

13:21 Adam All right, so what do we tell Samantha to do?

13:23 Drew Who?

13:24 Adam She doesn't like guys. She kind of likes her friend. She's 14.

13:28 Drew We told her to relax. Okay. Don't announce it at Christmas dinner.

13:31 Adam Maybe you're a lesbian, maybe you're not.

13:33 Drew I think she just.

13:34 Adam That's right, you don't need to know. Not yet. Not for another 36 hours. Sarah?

13:42 Yeah.

13:42 Adam You're 22?

13:43 Caller Yeah.

13:44 Adam What's up?

13:46 Caller I have some real serious questions about some bleeding, vaginal bleeding that's going on.

13:50 Yeah.

13:51 Caller Yeah. With Depo, I've been on Depo-Provera for six years. I stopped having my period about four or five months after I started it when I was 16. Now, I have suddenly started bleeding.

14:05 Drew Okay.

14:06 Caller We're not talking about spotting either.

14:08 Drew Heavy bleeding.

14:09 Caller Well, it's not a heavy period, but it's a period.

14:11 Drew Have you gained any weight?

14:12 Caller No.

14:12 Drew Started any medication?

14:15 Caller Several.

14:15 Drew Well, there you go.

14:17 Caller Well, but I've done these medications too. I haven't noticed a significant change in my life.

14:23 Drew Wait, hold on a second. You've done these medications too? What does that mean?

14:28 Caller I'm sorry?

14:29 Drew I asked if you started any new medication, you said yes.

14:32 Caller No, I thought you said, are you on any medication?

14:34 Drew No, no, new medication.

14:35 Caller No, nothing new.

14:36 Drew Any change in doses?

14:39 Caller No.

14:39 Drew Okay.

14:40 Caller About a year ago, I started taking Pentasa.

14:44 Drew Yeah, you have bowel problem?

14:45 Caller Yeah, I've got ulcerative colitis.

14:47 Drew Oh, well, you know, has that been active lately?

14:49 Caller No, not in a year.

14:51 Drew You know, that can, sort of all bets are off. Do you have any of the complications of, you have ulcerative, you see, right, you have ulcerative colitis. Do you have any complications from that?

14:59 Caller No.

14:59 Adam What is that, Drew?

15:00 Drew It's inflammatory bowel disease. The immune system attacks the colon.

15:04 Adam Oh, sweet Jesus.

15:05 Drew Yeah, it's not good. It's bloody diarrhea.

15:07 Adam Oh, good times.

15:08 Caller Thanks for sharing, Drew.

15:09 Drew Yeah, it's a lovely thing.

15:10 Adam Why have you been on the shot since 16? That seems young to get on that.

15:15 Caller Well, I was on the pill and I was continually having migraine headaches.

15:20 Drew Oh, that's interesting.

15:21 Caller That it might have been the pill.

15:22 Drew Yep, it would be. It probably would be.

15:23 Caller So we fixed over to the shop.

15:25 Drew Any history of thyroid problems?

15:26 Caller No.

15:27 Drew Any rheumatoid arthritis or anything like that? Any rheumatic diseases?

15:30 Caller No, not that I know of. The thing is, it's not just been a week. I'm away from home and that's why I haven't seen my doctor about this.

15:37 Drew Oh, boy. You're not a simple case. If you have ulcerative colitis, you're on multiple meds, it complicates things and you immediately begin worrying that it's something to do with that disease or the medicine or side effect of the medicine or diseases associated with ulcerative colitis, something else that's starting to come up here. Or it's just that you have unstable endometrium, you're bleeding, which is not uncommon and you need a gynecologist to evaluate that.

16:00 Adam What's rheumatoid arthritis mean?

16:01 Drew Rheumatoid arthritis.

16:02 Adam What does it mean? I know, but the word. He asked if there's any other rheumatoid diseases.

16:08 Drew No, it's rheumatic diseases, inflammatory diseases, autoimmune diseases, that's what that means.

16:12 Adam So, is rheumatoid arthritis mean inflammatory arthritis?

16:15 Drew Inflammatory autoimmune attack on the joints. I don't know, let me get the addiction, let's see what the prefixes stand for.

16:23 Adam I'm thinking about attacking a joint when I get home, I had a pretty long day, you know what I'm saying, brother? That's my main main main.

16:29 Drew Once you get in that new car of yours that's driving around Lake Hollywood.

16:32 Adam Yeah, yeah, well I'm attacking that joint, good times. Gavin? Eh. You're 20? Eh. Yeah. Yeah, what's up?

16:40 Caller I had a question about what you said last night.

16:43 Drew What did we say last night?

16:44 Caller I don't know. Well, one topic, it was about drugs. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

16:48 Drew About what?

16:49 Caller It was about drugs.

16:50 Drew Yeah.

16:51 Caller You keep an open mind as to what people take and that they're an addict. You don't say, no, drugs are bad.

17:00 Drew This is Adam was saying this last night.

17:01 Caller Yeah. I was wondering in your own personal opinions, are there any drugs that you have absolutely no tolerance for no matter what the situation is?

17:11 Drew Again, other than my own children and people in community with my kids, I don't think people have a right to tell other people what they should and shouldn't be doing.

17:21 Caller Right.

17:21 Adam But he's not asking that.

17:22 Drew I understand. But so the point I'm making is I have zero tolerance for all kinds of things in my own little community.

17:27 Adam Yeah.

17:28 Drew If for the rest of the world-

17:29 Adam Like free thought.

17:30 Drew Yeah, that too. But for the rest of the world, and I think other parents should have zero tolerance for a lot of stuff. The kids are going to do stuff, but to have the parents to put down a line of the sand is important.

17:40 Adam My dad can start looking at running down therapists for your kids now for when they're a little bit older. You want them to-

17:47 Drew Can I just send them to him?

17:48 Adam Hit the streets. Yeah, you could do that if you're still around.

17:51 Drew And the drug that scares me the most, jeez, it's a toss up between ecstasy and LSD, and I probably have to come down on LSD.

18:03 Adam Yeah, I'm going speed.

18:05 Drew No, people do speed, listen, unless you're addicted to speed.

18:08 Adam You snap right back with speed, but it's an ugly-

18:10 Drew If you're addicted.

18:11 Adam Well, if you're addicted, it's ugly.

18:13 Drew If you're not addicted, then what the hell?

18:16 Adam You can get addicted to it fairly easily.

18:18 Drew If you're an addict, but people can abuse it and not get addicted.

18:21 Adam It's just an ugly drug. It's just, it seems, to me, it's the ugliest. It's the teeth grinding, it's the bad BO., it's the picking, is there such a thing as good BO., by the way? You should stop putting the word bad in front of BO.

18:36 Drew I'm still recovering from the weenie roast where I got a load of all kinds of BO.

18:40 Adam There's the picking at yourself.

18:42 Drew The Picker Center, but that's all addiction.

18:44 Adam Paranoia.

18:44 Drew It's all addiction, though.

18:46 Adam I have done many a drug, and I can tell you that speed is sort of the weirdest of the drugs, the least pleasant.

18:55 Drew But in terms of the ones that can have consequence on the rest of your life, can change who you are, can change your brain function.

19:01 Adam All right, but how...

19:02 Drew LSD ecstasy.

19:03 Adam People don't get hooked on LSD as much as they get hooked on speed.

19:06 Drew Yeah, they don't get hooked at all, but a couple of doses... A couple of doses and they're altered for the rest of their lives.

19:11 Adam Untrue.

19:12 Drew Adam, I've seen it.

19:13 Adam You've seen nothing. You see what I show you and nothing more.

19:17 Drew I've seen it.

19:20 Adam You've seen a couple of lightweights who spazzed out a Grateful Dead concert and whacked their head on a drinking fountain. That's what you've seen.

19:28 Drew No.

19:28 Adam You see what I tell you to see.

19:30 Drew I've seen this from Ecstasy too. I've seen people with mood disturbances for ever.

19:34 Adam That's groovy. Speed, we agree. All right. Thanks, Gavin. Thank you. All right. Good times. All right. Put the man in there. All right. Let's talk to Jennifer.

19:47 Caller Jennifer.

19:48 Caller Hi.

19:48 Adam Hey, you're 16. What's up? Hey.

19:50 Caller Well, first of all, I want to say Adam, I love you.

19:52 Adam Yeah. You're the best. Finally. Thank you.

19:54 Drew He's not. Why?

19:55 Adam I'm good. I may be the best.

19:56 Caller You're very cool, too. Don't worry.

19:57 Drew Thank you.

19:58 Caller We love you, too.

19:59 Drew I don't believe it.

20:01 Caller I do. OK. My question is about my boyfriend. He is really like macho around his friends. Like he plays football for varsity and everything. But like around me, he's really kind of girly. Like he listens to boy bands. And he never seems to want to do anything.

20:19 Adam Sexually?

20:20 Caller Yeah.

20:20 Adam Oh.

20:21 Caller I know.

20:23 He's bisexual.

20:24 Adam Have you done anything sexually with him?

20:26 Caller Barely. But it wasn't like anything good or anything worth like talking about.

20:31 Drew Are you a virgin?

20:32 Caller Yes.

20:33 Drew But you want with him, you want to move along?

20:34 Caller Yeah. How old is he? Not necessarily lose my virginity.

20:37 Drew You what?

20:38 Caller Not necessarily lose my virginity.

20:39 Drew But you just want to be closer physically. Yeah.

20:42 Caller And he seems to be really feminine. I'm not sure if he's gay or not.

20:46 Drew Has he? Have you asked him?

20:48 Caller No.

20:48 Adam That kill him.

20:49 Caller He probably get really offended.

20:50 Drew Yeah.

20:51 Adam He did not.

20:51 Drew Why don't you ask him just why he's not being more physical?

20:57 Caller I don't know.

20:57 Adam How old is he?

20:59 Caller He's 17.

21:00 Adam Is he a virgin?

21:01 Caller Yes.

21:03 Adam And what do you guys do? Do you kiss?

21:06 Caller Yeah.

21:07 Adam Does he grab some boob?

21:08 Caller No.

21:09 Adam What?

21:11 Caller I don't have too much to grab anyway.

21:13 Adam Does he rub around?

21:15 Caller A little.

21:15 Drew You sure he's the boyfriend?

21:17 Caller What?

21:17 Drew I mean, is he your boyfriend?

21:19 Caller Yeah.

21:21 Adam Does he get an erection when you make out?

21:23 Caller He has.

21:24 Adam He has? Who's erection? His?

21:26 Caller Yeah.

21:27 Adam Interesting. Noted. Well, we got to get him on the horn and get to the bottom of this. Oh, yes. We got to get to the truth, Jennifer. Okay. Now, Drew is here. Drew has some sort of degree. I'm not sure where it came from, but he'll not let this thing go awry. Drew's a, he's board-certified and he can help, so.

21:49 Drew Let me be clear. I do not want any responsibility for whatever goes on here.

21:53 Adam Thank you. It doesn't matter. You do. We need to talk to this guy with you and we need to get to the bottom of this. We won't tell him you think he's gay.

22:02 Caller He's on vacation right now, actually.

22:03 Adam Where is he?

22:04 Caller He's in Las Vegas.

22:05 Adam They don't have phones in Vegas?

22:07 Caller I don't know where, like, I know the hotel I think, but I don't know what room and stuff.

22:10 Adam What's that son of a bitch doing in Vegas at 17?

22:13 Caller He has a baseball thing. For, like, I don't know.

22:18 Hmm.

22:19 Adam Okay, could it be, let's float a couple of things. Because Drew's a passionate, passionate, passionate man.

22:26 Caller I've heard.

22:26 Adam And at 17 was even more passionate when he had a functional penis. And I know he cannot understand this. I, however, was not as passionate as Drew was when he was 17.

22:37 Drew And you had to be sort of a...

22:39 Adam I sort of understand being a little tentative, being yet horny in the sense that you, you know, go home and jack yourself to oblivion every night, but being kind of a little, a little...

22:52 Drew Phobic, a little social phobia?

22:53 Adam Well, around women, you know, a little scared to get off the mark.

22:58 Drew Yeah, but this is a boyfriend of three months. It's not a closing deal. It's like done deal.

23:03 Adam But he's a, he's a virgin too, right?

23:06 Drew All the more to get on with it.

23:09 Caller Can I go talk to him?

23:10 Adam Yeah.

23:11 Caller Like openly?

23:11 Drew No, no, I, well, I think you, listen, I think you ought to keep your fantasies about what's going on with him to yourself, but you ought to open the dialogue about why the relationship hasn't progressed physically.

23:20 Adam Don't get into the gay part.

23:21 Drew Do not get into that part. That has nothing to do with this.

23:23 Adam Okay, let me, let me, let me put it to you this way. And I know you don't understand this again, being a passionate, passionate, passionate, passionate, passionate, passionate man.

23:31 Drew Got to, got to, got to.

23:32 Adam But, but, but, got to, got to, got to, got to love a loveline. But as a, as a guy who's a virgin, especially when you're sort of a macho guy or jock guy or the varsity football team.

23:44 Drew You were able to maintain that virginity for quite some time.

23:46 Adam How dare you, how dare you bring my Hyman into this conversation, this intimate, open, honest conversation we're having here on the air.

23:57 Drew I feel bad.

23:58 Adam As a guy who's a virgin.

23:59 Drew I feel dirty.

24:00 Adam When you have this macho mystique especially, and you have all this prowess on the football and baseball field, if you're used to achieving, making fun of other guys, that kind of thing, but you're sort of harboring this secret, which is you're kind of a virgin. I think the guy, now, he could not be interested in women, he could be gay, there could be all those things, but I wouldn't jump to that conclusion.

24:21 Drew But you're projecting a little bit too much of yourself into this. How did this thing? Did you have an opportunity like this? Somebody for three months. It was sitting in a room with you with the door shut, saying, come on, come on, come on, let's get on with this.

24:30 Adam With the door shut.

24:31 Drew You know what I'm saying?

24:33 Adam No, I didn't have a lot of opportunities to get laid when I was 17. On the other hand, we all know where there's a will, there's a way.

24:40 Drew Not at 17.

24:42 Adam There were guys less attractive than I was that were willing to do whatever. I mean, look, I went to a hooker or something.

24:51 Drew That's a different issue. This is with his girlfriend.

24:55 Adam He should be moving along faster. I'm just saying, he may not be gay.

24:59 Drew No, the gay thing doesn't enter into me. I'm just saying there's something there.

25:02 Adam He may not like her, what have you. He just may be shy. He may be a little tentative. There's a reason he's a virgin at 17. He's the captain of the football team and he's still a virgin.

25:13 Drew Maybe he has profound feelings about all this.

25:15 Adam She would have brought that up. I just say take it slow and give him a chance. I think once you get the balls rolling on this one, it's game on. Yeah.

25:23 Drew OK.

25:24 Adam We'll be back.

25:35 Caller Hey, hey, hey, hey, it's Loveline, kiddies.

25:38 Adam Before we get back to the show, I want to give a shout out to Big Dan, the man, Kellison and Jimmy, my partner and life partner, Kimmel out there, and Bad Brad. I can't remember his last goddamn name, but they're partying. They're from the Man Show. They just called out. I'm going to give them a little shout out. I'm going to dedicate the next call to them. All right, Druski? What do you say there, buddy boy?

25:59 Drew Well, now, did we get the guy on the line? Were we trying to get the boyfriend? No, I guess we left that behind.

26:03 Adam He was in Vegas. They didn't want to talk and we got a rock. So what do you say?

26:07 Drew I do.

26:07 I want to give a shout out to Adam and Dr. Drew.

26:09 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

26:11 Adam What's that? I have no idea. That is, let's hop back on the phones and speak to Renee. Renee.

26:17 Caller Hey, what's up?

26:18 Adam You're 19. What's going on?

26:20 Caller Yeah. Me and my boyfriend, we've been together for like a year and five months. And when we went home for summer vacation about two weeks ago, we were like 300 miles away from our hometown. His ex-girlfriend said that she was pregnant and she had his kid. And so, yeah, it sucks.

26:39 Drew Hold on. How long ago was he with the ex-girlfriend?

26:41 Caller He was with her for two years before.

26:44 Drew Ending when?

26:45 Caller I kind of broke them up.

26:46 Drew Ending when?

26:49 Caller February of 2000.

26:51 Drew So a year and a half ago.

26:52 Caller Yeah.

26:53 Drew Roughly.

26:53 Caller Yeah.

26:54 Drew And the child is how old now?

26:56 Caller See, I don't know. I've heard a bunch of rumors and I don't think it's his, but he kind of believes it is.

27:02 Drew Are we going to do some paternity testing?

27:04 Adam Well, what do you know, Renee?

27:06 Caller Well, all I know is that she has a kid and she's claiming that it's his.

27:13 Adam I know, but why don't you think it's his?

27:15 Caller Because she lies. She's a liar. I just don't like her.

27:20 Drew All right. So why aren't we going on and doing some paternity testing?

27:23 Adam Hold on a second. Let me just finish Renee's side. It's not his kid because I don't want it to be his kid.

27:28 Drew No, no, because I don't like her.

27:29 Adam And don't want it to be her kid. You shut up. Stop correcting me, goddamn you. Go ahead.

27:35 Caller Okay. But the paternity test cost $500 and I don't know. We're college students, so we don't really have the money to give up like that.

27:46 Adam Well, what other choice do you have, really?

27:48 Drew It needs to be established.

27:49 Caller I know, but if I break up with him and then it's not his kid because he's like really, we're like a really good, we're really good together and I don't know.

28:00 Drew Does he want to break up?

28:01 Caller I don't want to break up.

28:02 Drew Does he want to break up?

28:03 Caller No, he doesn't want to break up.

28:04 Drew Why is anybody talking about breaking up?

28:06 Adam What college are you going to?

28:07 Caller I go to Cal State LA.

28:09 Adam No, that's not a real college.

28:11 Drew Well, who's talking about breaking up?

28:12 Caller Well, I mean, I want to be with him, but...

28:17 Drew Why is breaking up getting into this equation at all?

28:20 Caller Because it's extra baggage.

28:22 Drew So who wants to break up?

28:25 Caller I'm thinking about it, but I don't know, because if it's not his kid and I break up with him, then I don't know.

28:33 Adam Hey, Renee.

28:33 Caller Yeah.

28:34 Adam Remember about three days ago when we said it was important to get the paternity test so you could figure out who the father of this child is so that you could move on in your relationship and you said no because you wanted to break up, but if it's not his kid, you don't want to break up, and you don't know what to do.

28:48 Drew But then you said you definitely don't want to break up, except you might break up.

28:53 Caller Okay. Well, I don't want to break up, but it's in the back of my mind that... Because I'm like...

28:59 Adam Hold on.

28:59 Drew I'm going to translate here.

29:00 Adam Renee, I don't want to be insulting, but you don't have a back in your mind. Your mind's not that deep. You have a front and a middle.

29:07 Caller There's no back. Okay.

29:10 Drew To the front garage?

29:10 Adam Or you have a front and a back and no middle. It's like at the theater, when you get the medium and large or the small and medium.

29:16 Drew Here's the translation. You're pissed. Excuse me. And I said, you're angry.

29:21 Adam Yeah.

29:21 Drew You're angry. And you want it... Oh. And you want him to...

29:24 Adam Pay him back a little?

29:25 Drew You want to know it. You're going to make him fearful that you're going to break up, even though, as you say, you're great together. He doesn't want to break up. You're going to hold that over his head because you're angry. You're damn angry. And you know what? Hey, he was with her 18 months ago. They had sex. Maybe a child was the product.

29:42 Adam She broke them up.

29:43 Drew And you broke them up.

29:45 Caller I know, but she lies. She was with my ex-boyfriend to get with me.

29:50 Adam Renee?

29:50 Caller Yeah.

29:51 Adam You must be a good looking girl.

29:53 Caller Yeah, I am.

29:54 Adam Yeah. Because you're easy on the eyes and tough on the ears. Yeah, I know you're good looking. And you know, people who see you, they just tune you out. They go, she's good looking. I'll let her get away with murder. But my god, you are unattractive sounding. Boy, what a pain in the ass. All right, have I brought you down to earth far enough?

30:13 Caller Yeah.

30:14 Adam Okay.

30:14 Caller Thanks.

30:14 Adam You got to get the paternity test.

30:17 Caller Yeah, I know that.

30:18 Adam And the fact that you want to stay with him, that's what you need to do.

30:20 Drew And the fact that he, that a child came out of that relationship, not his fault. He was with her going along, having a relationship till you broke him up.

30:30 Adam And by the way, I like people who do this, which is she breaks them up and she hates her.

30:36 Drew And blames him that they had sex.

30:39 Adam Right. Oh, she must be good looking. Do you know what I'm talking about this, Renee? Yeah. Renee, I'm telling you, you're 19, you're good looking, you're the queen of Sheba, but it ain't going to last. So enjoy. Please, please, cherish, cherish every moment. Like it's a General Foods International coffee commercial. That's how you should treat your life.

31:01 Drew Do you remember those commercials with the couple?

31:03 Adam They kept falling in love over coffee.

31:05 Drew The guy kept coming over for the coffee.

31:08 Adam Yeah. I mean, maybe if they'd, I could see that couple falling in love over some peppermint schnapps or wine coolers or something where someone got loaded and gave it up, but they had the attractive, will they get together?

31:19 Drew Yeah. It was like instant coffee.

31:23 Adam Instant coffee should not have the word coffee in it. It should just be called instant brown beverage. Jeff?

31:30 Caller Yeah.

31:30 Adam You're 16?

31:31 Caller Yeah.

31:31 Adam Oh, did I hate that, Renee. What's up? You're 16. You masturbate six times a day?

31:38 Caller Yeah.

31:38 Caller Around there.

31:39 Drew Good times.

31:40 Adam Do you ever have, what's your best day?

31:42 Caller Um, I say I got up to about nine or ten.

31:46 Drew Do you ever, is your skin okay?

31:49 Caller Uh, no.

31:49 It kind of turns red sometimes.

31:53 Adam You have to let the air touch your penis every once in a while. Yeah.

31:57 Drew What's the question?

31:58 Caller Um, well, Christian is like, I, it's just a problem, and I can't stop, and I've tried stopping, and I just won't stop.

32:04 Drew Well, let's talk about where that comes from. Are you bipolar?

32:06 Uh, no.

32:08 Drew Are you an addict?

32:09 Uh, no.

32:10 Drew Were you sexually abused growing up?

32:11 Uh, no.

32:14 Drew Adam, were you sexually abused growing up? Jeff?

32:25 Yeah.

32:25 Drew Do you understand what I'm getting at there?

32:26 Yeah, I know what you're saying. I just, I'm just, you know, I'm not, I'm not.

32:30 Drew You were not?

32:31 Adam Okay.

32:32 Drew Were you physically abused growing up?

32:33 Um, no.

32:34 Drew Okay.

32:35 Adam All right.

32:36 Drew Well, maybe this is just you. There's some people that are that way. It's a little, little heavy.

32:40 Adam Tell you, five leads to six and six leads to seven. It makes it easier. It's like killing people.

32:45 Caller Yeah.

32:45 Adam It's always easier after your first one.

32:48 Caller Yeah.

32:48 Adam I got one off of my man show dresser. No.

32:51 No.

32:53 Drew Oh, is that, is that what?

32:56 Adam Yeah.

32:56 Drew You know, it's, you know, Is that because you're around the juggies and stuff?

32:59 Adam I don't know.

33:00 Caller It's, it's, it's, I don't know.

33:01 Adam I was hyper stimulated. You know, I think it's funny about me.

33:05 Drew Oh my God.

33:07 Adam Funny slash sad is I'll be going, you know, I go, I roll in the work at 11 o'clock this morning. I'm like, I'm beat off in a little while. It's been a day or two. Yeah. See, what do I got in the schedule here?

33:22 Caller The clock's going. Yeah.

33:23 Adam Calendar pages flying off in the background. So seeing the big ball dropping in time square. So I think to myself, I wait till I get home and then I think, geez, I'm going to wrap up here in the man show and go straight out to love. I'll be home in about 14 hours, I thought to myself. That seems like a while. Then I thought, no, I'm not going to beat off. But it was kind of, I was flirting with it the whole day.

33:47 Drew It's like a heroine at it, making deal with himself.

33:48 Adam Yeah, cutting a deal with the devil. So it's going back and forth, back and forth. Nah, don't do it. Eh, wait till you get home. Eh, do it. Oh, who cares? Back and forth, back and forth. And then, eh, probably about 5, 5.30. I said, yeah, it's time to pound one out. So I squeezed off a quick one in the bathroom, my dressing room.

34:07 Drew I'm so proud of you.

34:08 Adam Yeah. Sat back down, started reading a script. And then about three minutes later, I thought, I wonder if I should beat off. And then I thought, no, wait a minute, you did beat off. And I realized I'd been thinking about doing it so long that as soon as I was done, I just got right back into, I wonder if I should do it, Moe.

34:26 Drew You know what I'm saying? You've been obsessing.

34:28 Adam Yeah, I wasn't done.

34:29 Drew Yeah, been obsessing. Yeah. What were you trying to avoid today? How dare you? Was it a bad day?

34:34 Adam How dare you?

34:35 Drew No, seriously.

34:36 Adam How dare you?

34:37 Drew I'm just asking. It was just like you were trying to avoid something.

34:42 Adam It's always a little stress over there. I mean, you know, we got a couple of shows to do.

34:46 Drew It's an extra special. You haven't actually obsessed about masturbation leading into a man show yet.

34:51 Adam I wouldn't call it obsessing. I would say that the thought scampered through my mind on more than one occasion.

35:00 Drew It's a sexually charged environment there, with the juggies running around in all different stages of undress. Okay. All right. Now you're making sense.

35:09 Adam Yeah.

35:10 Drew You didn't mention that at first. You just said you were obsessing. What did you use?

35:13 What did you look at?

35:14 Drew Oh, Anderson, you have to get into that. I know this stuff you find very disturbing. You're going to get you're going to feel worse if you have those kinds of things.

35:21 Was it like a magazine?

35:21 Adam I got a mirror right over the bathroom sink. So I was just looking at myself. Soap.

35:25 Drew Soap.

35:26 Adam Soap. Had my makeup on. Soap. Now, let me tell you. Let me tell you something about Ace Corolla. Dry man.

35:33 Drew Oh, that's right.

35:34 Adam Smart.

35:34 Drew But no magazine.

35:36 Adam No.

35:37 Drew No juggy.

35:37 Adam No. Fluff. No, no, no, no.

35:41 What did you think about?

35:44 Drew Obsessing about masturbating.

35:46 Adam Yeah, I did. You know, it was it was potpourri night. It was I was really I was all over the map with it. I was all over the place. And I'm at the point, by the way, where I really don't even have to focus that much. Oh, you were in there, Anderson.

35:59 Drew He's freaked out.

36:00 Adam You're in there for a bit for a beat or two. So nobody just got done wanking off to my mom. Like I got a dressing room. What do you want me to do? You know what I mean? To the victors go the spoils.

36:11 Dude, you beat off?

36:12 Adam Yeah, I wasn't obsessing, Drew. It's just, you know, I like to blow off a little steam before I hit the stage.

36:17 Drew You have those old Kenan dressing rooms, right?

36:19 Adam They got the little dressing rooms, yeah.

36:21 Drew The Kenan?

36:22 Adam The ones from, that we used to use in Kenan?

36:24 Yeah.

36:26 Adam No, we're on the other side of the stage. Why? You think I got the seat pregnant?

36:30 Drew I'm trying to get the whole picture.

36:32 Adam There's nothing wrong with what I did. I'm man enough to admit it.

36:36 Drew And Anderson is freaking out.

36:38 Adam You guys never beat off at work? You never did that? No? I'm beating off right now.

36:43 Drew Damien did.

36:44 Adam Damien did? Yeah. And he drove one of those delivery mopeds, too. So it was a pretty tall order.

36:52 Drew Look at his head.

36:53 Adam Yeah.

36:53 Drew Look at his palms.

36:54 Adam Smart. Yeah. Oh, here's what I wanted to say about the lube versus dry. A lot of you guys are into the lube, and I don't fault you for that, but you can get caught without and then you're screwed. You're like a diabetic who's gone camping and forgot his insulin. But you become dependent on something. A real man, a versatile man, it's like I can hit from both sides of the plate. Sure, I can enjoy some lube, but in a pinch, I can go over to the right side and lay down a drag butt. See what I'm saying, Drew?

37:25 Drew I see what you're saying.

37:26 Adam Okay.

37:27 Drew In fact, I watched my kids play baseball and I turned the beeper off, just sat and watched a little league. Beat off? Did not even think about masturbating.

37:34 Adam I don't understand.

37:35 Drew I know.

37:35 Adam I don't understand what you're pointing at.

37:36 Drew Someday your life will reach those sorts of heights. Okay.

37:39 Adam I'm saying, why not? We're living in America. We got my own space. Okay. Hey, that's the way I work. I'm a pro. We'll be back. Today, it's Love Live. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-LLVE-191. Afraid of pounce on those phones, Drew?

38:09 Caller Let's go.

38:10 Adam All right. We'll speak to Leslie.

38:13 Caller Yes.

38:14 Adam Year 20, what's up?

38:16 Caller OK, I'm pregnant by this married guy, and I was just wondering if he does really leave his wife, if he'll really be true to me.

38:26 Drew If he does really leave his wife?

38:27 Caller Yeah, he's been talking about it.

38:29 Drew Yeah, he's not going to do that.

38:32 Caller Well, he's getting really, really close, I think.

38:35 Drew Yeah. Why? Is she doing something outrageous? Is she?

38:39 Caller Well, she's huge.

38:43 Adam Big gal?

38:44 Caller Yeah, I'm talking huge.

38:46 Adam How many pounds? How many pounds?

38:48 Caller About 350.

38:50 Adam 350?

38:51 Drew Did she gain a couple pounds since he married her?

38:54 Caller Uh-huh.

38:54 Drew Well, was he like 320 when he married her?

38:57 Caller Yeah.

38:57 Drew Okay.

38:58 Caller Well, no, she didn't know.

39:00 Caller She was a little bit bigger than me, and I weigh about 140. And he's just a little bitty thing that weighs about 145.

39:09 Adam He weighs about 145?

39:10 Drew The comedy is complete.

39:12 Adam I always, oh, hold on a second, I always love that. I always love to see an assless guy who's under a buck 50 scaling K2 to see if he can get some sex on a Saturday night. There's just something amazingly comical about that to me. I don't know why. Oh, yes, I do know why.

39:30 Drew It's comedy.

39:30 Adam Yeah, it's comedy. You're right.

39:33 Drew Leslie, you there?

39:35 Caller Yeah.

39:35 Adam Who are you yelling at?

39:37 Caller Oh, it's my daughter.

39:40 Adam And are you pregnant now?

39:42 Caller Yeah.

39:44 Drew Who is the? Where is the father of your first ambulatory daughter? Yeah, your first daughter. We presume this is the first daughter.

39:54 Caller Oh, he was a drug addict, so I got rid of him.

39:58 Drew Okay. Is this guy alcoholic or drug addict?

40:00 Caller No.

40:01 Adam No. He just cheats on his morbidly obese wife.

40:05 Well, she's a drug addict.

40:09 Caller And he doesn't want that around him.

40:11 Adam All right. Leslie, let's stick to the want around who for just one second. Okay. You got a daughter. You made a mistake with the drug addict guy. I did. Now you're hooked up with another guy who's a piece of work, somewhat suspect. Got you, managed to get you pregnant while he's screwing around on his wife. Now you're 20. You got one out on the floor and another one in the oven. What the hell is going on with you?

40:41 Caller Well, I think I'm in love with this guy.

40:42 Drew No, Leslie, please.

40:43 Adam In general. In general, you're a mess. Come on.

40:46 Drew Two kids. Two kids, no husband, and no focus on being a mom for these kids even.

40:54 Adam What about it? What's up? Are you that screwed up? Are you that stupid? Are you high? What's going on with your life?

41:01 Caller I don't know. I was messed up on drugs with the first person, but now I'm drug free and I'm trying to get on with my life.

41:10 Adam Well, why are you getting pregnant though?

41:13 Caller I wasn't trying. This was a total accident. We were using protection. I was on pills. I mean my birth control.

41:23 Drew Do you have asthma or something?

41:24 Yeah.

41:25 Drew Man, you're active right now.

41:28 Yeah.

41:28 Caller I'm nervous.

41:29 Adam All right. But what happened? You're on the birth control pill.

41:32 Caller I don't know.

41:34 Drew All right.

41:34 Adam Well, listen, you didn't take the thing correctly. That's what happened.

41:37 Drew Or you were taking antibiotic for your bronchitis, your asthma.

41:40 Caller Yeah, for my asthma.

41:41 Adam Yeah.

41:41 Drew Well, you're supposed to use a second barrier then.

41:45 Adam Okay. Whatever it is. Please, when I'm in charge, you will be sterilized and or put down at this point. I mean, what are you going to do? Have five kids by the time you're 24?

41:57 Caller No.

41:57 Adam With five different guys?

41:59 Caller No.

42:00 Adam Okay.

42:00 Drew We have not yet met the man who, by the way, cheats on his wife and then leaves her.

42:05 Adam No, we never met that guy.

42:07 Drew He may be out there and this may be him, but we haven't met him.

42:09 Adam How long have you been screwing around with this guy?

42:13 Caller For five months.

42:15 Adam Why is he still with his wife?

42:18 Caller Just because he cares a lot about his kids.

42:21 Drew How many kids does he have? How many kids?

42:24 He has two kids.

42:25 Drew All right. Well, I suspect he's going to hang in for those kids. Maybe you ought to make some mature choices. I don't want to beat you up too much. Adoption for this kid, maybe, the one you're pregnant with, might be a great option.

42:36 Adam How about that? No?

42:38 Caller No. I don't believe in any of that.

42:40 Drew Why?

42:41 I think that if a woman has spread my legs, a woman enough to raise it.

42:44 Drew All right. Well, then fine. Then you live by that and drop this a hole and start focusing your life on raising these kids.

42:52 Adam I appreciate you're going to punish yourself by screwing up two kids now instead of one. And I think that's great. That's commendable. But why not just punish yourself by whacking yourself with some bamboo or something and send this kid away where you can be raised properly? Woman enough. I mean, that's ridiculous. You're what?

43:14 Yeah, you don't.

43:15 Caller I'm really.

43:16 Adam Are you really? You're carrying on with this married guy who's gotten you pregnant. I mean, you need Leslie. I'm sorry for kicking your ass around, but it just drives me nuts when people bring these kids into the world and they're completely unrealistic. You're a kid yourself at 20. You really are. Give this kid up for adoption. Give this guy an ultimatum, which is he needs to, you know, he's got a month to either crap or get off the pot with you. Stop seeing him until he makes a move with Seniorita Porcos over there.

43:54 Drew Gigantor.

43:55 Adam Gigantor. All right. And start laying down some stuff. Listen, start.

44:00 Drew How weird is that?

44:01 Adam They call her Gigantor?

44:02 Yes.

44:03 Drew Oh, how weird is that?

44:04 Adam Clairvoyant.

44:05 Caller She goes to sit down in her car.

44:06 She has to lift up her belly just to.

44:08 Drew OK. Listen, she's, listen, let's be empathic for her, too. It's pathetic that she does that.

44:14 Adam And you're with the guy who's been hanging out with Gigantor.

44:17 Drew And she at least has a family for the kids.

44:20 Adam So listen, screwball, you find yourself someone decent or for Christ's sake just be alone for a while and start focusing on these kids. You understand me?

44:29 Drew Yeah.

44:30 Adam Get your life together.

44:31 Drew You go and develop yourself a bit. Get in some recovery. I'm sure your addiction abstinence is not intact. I'm sure you're still drinking and smoking pot. Work on yourself. Go back to school.

44:40 Adam Just get your goddamn life together if you're going to raise the effing kids. The world is your oyster. I mean, because that's all the world is. I know I was kidding when I said that, Anderson.

44:51 Drew You were just... You were effed up, though.

44:54 Adam Thomas?

44:55 Caller Tomas. Yeah, hey.

44:57 Adam Tomas?

44:58 Caller What's up?

44:58 Adam You're 16. What's going on?

45:00 Caller Not much. First off, I'd like to say you're awesome. Thank you. Drew, you are too. Don't get me wrong. You're badass. But also attack that joint when you get home.

45:11 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah, badass.

45:13 Caller I've been smoking weed since I started 8th grade and I'm going to be a junior now. And there hasn't been a day I haven't gone without it.

45:25 Drew Right. You're addicted. You're addicted.

45:28 Caller It gets me to sleep at night.

45:29 Drew Well, whatever. If you try to stop, you'll have withdrawal and that's why you can't sleep.

45:33 Caller Well, see, ever since 6th grade, I've had problems with sleeping.

45:36 Drew Sure.

45:37 Caller Like throughout middle school, I couldn't get to sleep till about 2.30.

45:41 Drew Why don't you have your sleep disturbance treated?

45:43 Caller Well, see, that's what I'm calling about.

45:45 Drew Why don't you see a doctor and have a sleep disturbance treated?

45:47 Adam Oh, please, leave him alone. That's what he's going to do.

45:51 Caller So, see a doctor about it?

45:53 Drew Most hospitals will have a sleep department, sleep studies.

45:57 Caller Okay.

45:57 Drew Go talk to them and get that treated.

45:59 Adam All right, Tomas.

46:00 Caller One more question.

46:01 Adam Yes.

46:02 Caller I went out with this girl for about eight months.

46:08 Drew We're out of time.

46:08 Caller There is nothing bad about her. Everything is so perfect about her. And I lost my virginity to her on 420.

46:16 Drew And what's the question?

46:17 Caller And she just moved to California. And I'm wondering, like, we got in a fight a couple weeks ago and she hasn't called me since.

46:25 Drew Yeah.

46:26 Caller And I'm wondering on if I should be coming after her.

46:29 Drew Going after, going to California? No.

46:31 Adam No.

46:32 Drew No.

46:32 Adam We got enough, we got enough hasher from California.

46:34 Drew But just because she's, she's not perfect because she was with Tomas.

46:38 Adam Something's got to be wrong there. Tomas, work on your addiction and your sleep and worry about the social life later.

46:44 Caller Love Line, 1-800-LOVE-191.

46:52 Adam Hey, hey, hey. Love Line, everybody. I'm Adam. That's Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Let's hop back to the phones and speak to Marilyn.

47:08 Drew Marilyn from Colorado.

47:09 Adam Yeah. I thought she was from Maryland. You're 42. What's up?

47:13 Caller I'm 42. That's right. I have a friend who is 18 years old due to have a baby within a month. She has done a couple of lines of cocaine. She smoked weed as recently as Thursday and the Friday before. My concern is what it's doing to the baby.

47:35 Adam How old is your friend?

47:36 Drew No kidding.

47:36 Caller She's 18.

47:38 Drew Well, she's guilty of child abuse in some states, right? You understand that that is considered abusing a child.

47:44 Caller All right.

47:45 Drew Exposing it to chemicals that could harm it.

47:48 Adam Yeah, before birth, after birth, that's correct. Raising it in the backyard like an onion.

47:53 Drew That point, the child is making a choice.

47:55 Adam Right.

47:55 Drew It's free country, Adam. Right. Obviously, she's an addict because she wouldn't have any judgment or ability to contain these sorts of impulses in spite of its obvious harmful effects on a child. So you have somebody who's got really serious issues here.

48:11 Caller Right. She's been smoking weed ever since she was 13. Her family is.

48:15 Drew She's an addict. So there you go.

48:18 Adam What are you doing swinging with an 18-year-old at 42?

48:22 Caller Actually, she was a friend of my daughter's.

48:25 Adam I see.

48:26 Drew Now she's a friend of yours?

48:27 Caller Well, I've been trying to help her get her life together.

48:33 Drew Are you a recovering person?

48:35 Caller I'm sorry?

48:35 Drew Are you a recovering person?

48:36 Caller No. I don't smoke and I don't.

48:39 Drew Well, she needs to get into recovery. Nothing is going to change until she deals with the addiction. Nothing.

48:43 Adam How's your daughter doing?

48:44 Caller My daughter is wonderful. She lives in Louisiana, has been there a year, and has a boyfriend and is doing just marvelous. Got her head on her shoulders.

48:53 Drew She left home at 18?

48:55 Caller Pardon me?

48:55 Drew She's 18?

48:56 Caller My daughter's 21.

48:57 Drew I see.

48:57 Caller Okay.

48:57 Adam All right. She's hanging with someone younger, too.

49:00 Caller Yeah. She's doing real good. But I'm really concerned about the baby. We've just recently had a real big falling out. I know she's, you know, she's angry with me and stuff. But, you know, she's with a supposedly quote unquote father that's 20 who, you know, almost killed them in a car wreck a year ago.

49:25 Drew And, Marilyn, what is your plan here? You have you have a sick person.

49:29 Caller Yeah.

49:30 Drew You're going to cure?

49:31 Caller No.

49:31 Drew Okay. Well, I can't. That's right. So this business of fighting with an 18 year old, I find bizarre.

49:37 Adam What are you listening to in the background, Marilyn? That's what I want to know.

49:40 Caller What am I listening to?

49:42 Adam Yeah.

49:42 Caller KVPI.

49:43 Adam Oh, I see.

49:46 Caller So.

49:46 Adam Is that a radio station?

49:48 Caller Yeah.

49:48 Adam Could you go ahead and turn that down, please? Sure. Jesus.

49:51 Caller Sure, I can.

49:53 Adam It can't even turn down the goddamn competing radio station when you're on the F&R here.

49:58 Caller Sorry.

50:00 Adam All right, baby. What do you do for a living?

50:03 Caller I am a aid for assisted living.

50:06 Adam No.

50:07 Caller For the elderly.

50:08 Adam What about your man? You got a man?

50:10 Caller I do. He works for security at concerts and whatnot.

50:16 Adam Oh, boy.

50:16 Drew I want you to get her to enlist him to be the guy that rocks for you.

50:21 Adam Oh, yeah. Tell him that I would like to see these security guards who work these concerts to rock out a little bit.

50:28 Caller Right.

50:28 Adam I don't like to see them standing so stationary. Well, the bands are really giving their all and the crowd is up on their feet and they are just standing there with their arms crossed, moving their mustaches around. A little foot tapping, a little head bobbing every once in a while. Get part of it. Come on.

50:41 Caller Right.

50:42 Adam These guys bum my high when they just stand there like oak trees.

50:45 Caller Right.

50:46 Adam Okay. Pass that along. Marilyn, you need to bring her to some help.

50:51 Drew Yeah. Why don't you take her to a recovery meeting and get her connected with the recovery community and see if they can help her out a little bit? If not, get her to professional help, more thorough professional help and see if she's available to that. If she's not willing, then nothing you can do. It sounds like you got some pretty serious co-dependency going on yourself.

51:08 Adam You might want to look up. It's weird because I don't want to beat up some for trying to help somebody, but I got my questions about Marilyn at 42 who's really this deep with a squirrely 18-year-old.

51:23 Drew But the whole idea of we're had a fallen out.

51:26 Adam You don't have a fallout with a pregnant drug-addicted 18-year-old.

51:30 Drew That's right.

51:32 Adam In order to have a falling out with someone, they have to be a sort of intellectual peer.

51:37 Drew Right. There has to be a peer relationship.

51:39 Adam Although, chronologically, they may not be close, but psychologically, intellectually, they may be the same age. Dave?

51:50 Yeah.

51:50 Adam You're 34?

51:51 Caller I am.

51:52 Adam What's up?

51:53 Caller Well, I have a question here. I'm attracted to young girls. You know, 10, 12. I know it's wrong. I'm married. I work 14 hours a day. I'm a church-going kind of guy.

52:09 Drew How young are we talking about here?

52:11 Adam Who said 10 or 12?

52:12 Drew Oh, my God.

52:13 Caller 14, you know, around there.

52:14 Drew Have you ever acted on that?

52:16 Caller No.

52:17 Drew Did somebody do something to you when you were like nine years old?

52:20 Caller I, I, yes.

52:22 Drew What happened? Were you nine?

52:25 Caller I can't remember how old I was, but a friend of a family did, did abuse me and-

52:32 Drew All right. Well, that's what happens is that sort of arrest your development and you stay focused, your sort of sexual self becomes arrested at that age. And there you go. That needs to be treated, David, before you do something that really harmed another person.

52:45 Adam It's interesting that it's females, though. I don't know why, but it seems like whenever a guy got monkeyed with and he's attracted to young folk, it's boys. Or is that just me?

52:56 Drew No, it's more often than not, because it's always the men that are monkeying with the young boys.

53:00 Adam Right.

53:01 Caller But no, boys don't do anything for me. It's just females.

53:04 Adam All right.

53:04 Drew That's fine.

53:05 Caller Give them a try. It's been a lot. In the last three, four months, I've been getting on the net and trying to see all these pictures of kids and stuff.

53:17 Adam Right.

53:18 Caller All right.

53:18 Drew It's illegal. Dave, get some help.

53:20 Caller Right.

53:21 Adam Was this a guy that monkeyed around with you?

53:23 Caller Yeah. He was a gay guy. He was close to a family.

53:26 Adam Yeah. I'll tell you, Dave, I don't know if this is going to make you feel any better, but this is why I would like guys to do that, just exterminate it. The reason is, is because not only does it oftentimes lead to folks like yourself, not that you're going to do this, but other folks acting on this and destroying some other lives.

53:47 Drew On multiple other lives.

53:48 Adam On multiple other lives.

53:49 Drew Not like they get a 12-year-old girlfriend. They get dozens and dozens of other nine-year-olds.

53:54 Adam I like to treat guys like that when I'm in charge as a pregnant roach. It needs to be stepped on before the whole apartment building is infested. But, number two, it screws up poor Dave's life. This guy gets victimized once and, you know, he could either victimize or has to walk around sort of tormented.

54:13 Drew That's right.

54:14 Adam So, God bless you for not acting on it. And I'm glad you know the difference between right and wrong and the difference between impulses and actions. And that's great. And now you got to get a little help at what got you going down this path in the first place. And that's the tragedy that befell you when you were a young person yourself.

54:34 Caller Right.

54:34 Adam So, maybe some counseling. And, Dave, I know you're a church going guy, but this may take more than that.

54:42 Drew This is more than that.

54:43 Adam This may take a little individual therapy.

54:46 Caller Okay.

54:46 Adam All right. But don't get loaded and don't act on anything.

54:49 Caller Oh, no, no, no. And the thing is nobody ever knew about it in my family. My wife doesn't now.

54:55 Adam I understand.

54:57 Caller And it's embarrassing, you know.

54:59 Adam Right.

54:59 Caller It's something I don't want to...

55:00 Drew Hey, Dave, we get that you see that this is not a part of you that you embrace and that you want to act on.

55:06 Adam But he's embarrassed about being victimized, too, about what happened to him.

55:11 Drew Yeah, but that's... I understand that and that's okay that you feel that way. But you need to be talking about it with someone that you can trust and sort out the feelings associated with it.

55:21 Adam Now, what does he say to his wife, for instance?

55:22 Drew Well, I thought you said your wife does know.

55:24 Adam No, she doesn't.

55:25 Drew Well, why does your wife have to know?

55:27 Adam Well, that's what I'm saying. I mean, Dave, this is a personal issue for you. Maybe you feel a little embarrassed about it. You don't want to bring this up with your wife, but you can get some counseling and it'll stay within the walls of the counseling office.

55:40 Drew You got that? Okay.

55:42 Adam All right. Unless you got a shrink like mine.

55:46 Drew Makes you talk about it on the radio? Oh, what happened?

55:48 Adam No.

55:48 Drew No, what happened? You want to go to groups?

55:51 Adam Oh, hell no, please. I swear to Christ, it's really something out of a movie. It's something out of a movie. My shrink is in a just basic commercial office building. And the way things, he's got one small office. I mean, in sort of a corner, shares a little waiting room with three or four other little offices. And if this was, you know, regular business, you'd have your secretary out there in the waiting room. You'd have your vice president, president in your sales. And you have three or four little offices. Well, you know, these commercial buildings, it's not like there's wood studs and insulation in every wall. It's just metal stud and drywall.

56:34 Drew They're supposed to have soundproofing.

56:35 Adam Well, the ducting carry stuff too. And there's a shrink right next to my shrink's office.

56:44 Drew No.

56:45 Adam And he's got some loud-mouth people in there. And they come in and sometimes they're in a good mood. It's like I can hear whatever it is. I'm sitting there and I'm trying to talk about nothing and kill 50 minutes like I always do. And I'm sitting there and I'm speaking in hushed tones. Of course. I'm like...

57:04 Drew About your masturbation.

57:05 Adam Listen, I look around a little. I go open the curtain. I gaze out and then I draw the curtain. And Drew, pleased with the masturbation. I remember when I blew my uncle in high school. It was one of the worst days of my life. You think I'm obsessed with this. You're obsessed about me.

57:22 Drew I'm obsessed with the fact that you have some all sorts of compulsive issues that you don't even bring up with your thumbs.

57:27 Adam How dare you?

57:28 Drew I hope you're talking about good stuff. I hope you are.

57:31 Adam How dare you? Good, happy, happy thoughts. That's what we talk about. Point is, I'm sitting there on the sofa. I got the cooling duct above my head and I'm hearing some bitch wailing away in the room next to me. Now it's sort of funny because I find myself listening and talking at the same time and sort of waiting for openings and stuff. It's really something out of a Woody Allen movie. It's very bizarre.

57:54 Drew We all know with your way your brain works, that sort of distraction is not good.

57:59 Adam No, no. He doesn't seem to notice that for me it's like you might as well just have a freight train train slam the brakes on in the next room. It's so loud and annoying to me. I can't get past it. All right. You ready to roll?

58:13 Drew I'm ready.

58:14 Adam Christina?

58:16 Yes.

58:16 Adam You're 23?

58:17 Caller Yes, I am.

58:18 Adam What's up?

58:19 Caller Well, a couple months ago, I went to my husband's brother's birthday party, and I got a little drunk and my husband went up to the store. While he was up at the store, my husband's brother attacked me on his bed. He shoved his penis in my mouth.

58:39 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

58:42 Drew Help me understand how that is done.

58:46 Caller I was passed out on the bed, and I just woke up with him on top of my face.

58:52 Drew All right. It wasn't like he wrestled you to the ground and then-

58:55 Caller No, no. I was passed out.

58:57 Adam All right. So you woke up, and his penis was in your mouth or on your face? Yeah.

59:02 Caller In my mouth.

59:03 Drew By the way, what kind of nerve is that? I mean, isn't he have some fear that she's going to startle and chomp down?

59:10 Caller That's what- later in the night, as after it happened, I was kind of incoherent, and my husband came in like an hour later and took me out of there. And as I was walking out, he's like, oh, poor thing. She doesn't remember anything about the night. And that just pissed me off so bad. But I haven't told my husband, and I'm not sure if I should. I don't know if that would be a right thing to do or not.

59:39 Drew What else goes on in this extended family? Is this just a total meltdown mess you're dealing with?

59:45 Caller It kind of is. Yeah.

59:47 Drew What else going on?

59:48 Caller We do a lot of family functions together, and when he's there, he flirts with me, and he acts funny around me, and everybody thinks that is so funny. I mean, the whole family just thinks it's so funny.

1:00:01 Drew What else is with this family? They sound like a total mess.

1:00:03 Adam How old is this brother, by the way?

1:00:05 Caller He is 27, I think.

1:00:08 Adam How old is your husband?

1:00:10 Caller He's 22.

1:00:12 Adam That's interesting, because a younger brother would probably not try this on an older brother.

1:00:18 Caller Right.

1:00:19 Adam But an older brother, even though they're both adults, and he's married and stuff, figures that's my younger brother. I kick his ass. Things got out of hand.

1:00:27 Drew Still carrying on.

1:00:28 Caller They have gotten in a fistfight in front of me before.

1:00:32 Adam Christina, I don't know what your family is like, but they could not be a whiter shade of trash than these goddamn hillbillies you're hanging out with. I know. I mean, these two are a mess. And I wonder what kind of guy your husband is just coming from this group.

1:00:50 Drew That's where the road I was going down.

1:00:51 Adam I am...

1:00:52 Caller They do have a lot of problems.

1:00:54 Drew Yeah. No kidding. No kidding, Christina.

1:00:58 Adam Yeah. What do these guys do? Construction, welding, roofing, landscaping, lawn, lawn business.

1:01:05 Drew They're marijuana addicts.

1:01:07 Caller Landscaping.

1:01:09 Drew Yeah, they're potheads.

1:01:10 Adam Landscaping is by the way for guys who won't be accepted into welding or construction.

1:01:16 Drew I prefer pot to speed.

1:01:17 Adam Yeah, that's just mule work.

1:01:19 Caller Yeah.

1:01:20 Adam This is a horrible group of idiots. What's your family like?

1:01:25 Caller My family is pretty normal. A lot of business owners, big businesses, furniture stores and things like that.

1:01:31 Adam I'm about ready to fall off my chair, but do you have any kids?

1:01:35 Caller Yeah, I have two.

1:01:38 Adam Two kids. All right, can you keep those kids? Can you just not go over to this guy's place?

1:01:44 Drew Yeah, stay away from that extended...

1:01:46 Caller He lives like three or four cities away, so we can see each other.

1:01:50 Adam That's easy.

1:01:51 Drew Stay away from that extended family, and keep your husband in line. He sounds like he needs a lot of containing.

1:01:57 Adam Does this idiot have kids himself?

1:02:00 Caller No, he's single. He lives alone.

1:02:02 Adam Good. All right, good. I hope he just rots.

1:02:05 Drew And if we have addiction going on here, why don't you set some limits with that, too? Oh, look. Get your husband into recovery.

1:02:11 Adam Look, everybody who's listening, who's taking issue with what we're saying, she could say this to the husband, the... And Drew, easy with the cup there, please. She could say this to the husband, the husband could go over there and get in a fistfight with the guy, probably stab him or something.

1:02:26 Drew And this could be a huge, chaotic conflict that would go on forever. And she...

1:02:31 Adam The cops drawn in court, his word against hers.

1:02:34 Drew She'd have to go to court with this.

1:02:35 Adam She was intoxicated, she drank so much she passed out.

1:02:39 Drew Now...

1:02:39 Adam This thing would go nowhere.

1:02:40 Drew She needs some support, she could have sort of post-traumatic stress reaction from this.

1:02:44 Adam Nah, just sound like she got loaded and pushed him off.

1:02:46 Drew She should talk to her friends, I think a friend that she trusts, but more importantly, they've got a huge system of problems here. Stay away from that extended family, get the husband into some kind of recovery.

1:02:56 Adam Let me say this too. A lot of you, first off, stop hanging out with your screwball family members and the family that you married into. You know these guys are idiots. What the hell are you going over there all the... And you know what happens? I swear to Christ, every one of these stories, and I don't know what it is with white trash or just idiots in general no matter what color they are. You know, each story starts with this. We were on a houseboat or we went down to the river with my cousin and his wife and then his whatever and we got ourselves three cases of Pabst tall boys and we started drinking pretty good and my husband got a few flares out of the trunk and he was trying to shoot it with a shotgun while my son held on to it and one of the beers exploded while he was firing the gun and my son lost it. Look, then you start peeling back the layers of the onion and it's like, well, this guy tried to rate me two summers ago during a, well, we were down at the same river. Okay, stop it. Stop it. You see the guy.

1:04:04 Drew You see the guy. You don't have to go there.

1:04:05 Adam He's got the El Camino up on blocks. He's doing landscaping for a living. He loves watching a hee-haw and listening to Hank Williams Jr. He tried to rape you once or he tried to goose your kid three summers ago. Stay the F out of there. Just stay out of there and don't go over there and start boozing it up with him. That's the other thing too. Somehow I'm going to go over there and tilt one with this guy. Get the hell out of there. Don't let your kids hang out over there. He lives two cities away. Thank you. Scott? Yes. You're 22?

1:04:41 Caller Yeah.

1:04:42 Adam What's up?

1:04:43 Caller I'm going to grow up with this girl for six years. Two years we've been engaged. We constantly want to go on vacation. I want to take her on vacation to see my family, the family she's going to marry into and everything. For the last seven times she's always found ways to find excuse to why she can't go.

1:05:01 Drew She doesn't want to meet your family for some reason.

1:05:03 Caller She's afraid of traveling.

1:05:06 Drew By plane?

1:05:06 Caller By plane, driving, any way you want to put it. I've tried to take her on little excursions, like half our way from her house.

1:05:16 Drew How does she get to work every day?

1:05:18 Caller She drives.

1:05:19 Adam Takes a horse.

1:05:20 Caller She's not afraid of that or anything. She's just afraid of not sleeping in her own bed and not being able to go home.

1:05:26 Drew Do you stay with her? Do you live together?

1:05:28 Caller Yeah. We don't live together. I have my own place and she lives at home with her family.

1:05:33 Adam How old is she?

1:05:35 Caller She's 22.

1:05:35 Drew How is it that you've known each other since you were 16 and she's never met your family?

1:05:40 Caller She's met my family. Not my extended family. You know, like my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, things like that.

1:05:47 Drew What's up with her, Scott? What's going on?

1:05:49 Caller Well, see, I don't know. Because, I mean, every time this happens, she just says that she's afraid of traveling and that kind of thing. Her mom's had the same problem before. Her mom was on, you know, kind of drugs and everything in the Hawaiian Yards. So I don't know if it's because she's seen that go on in her family that she's kind of taken it upon herself.

1:06:09 Drew Her mom is a drug addict?

1:06:11 Caller No, not a drug addict. Her mom had the same problem with leaving her house.

1:06:15 Adam Yeah.

1:06:15 Drew So she's taken on that anxiety.

1:06:16 Adam She's agoraphobic.

1:06:18 Caller I think so. But what the problem is, is this one's a big one. I'm standing up in a wedding, and we knew about this a year ago. I told her if she needs to go see therapy, or she needs to do anything, please do this beforehand. Well, last night when I went over to her house, she just started a new job, and her new job knows that she's going on vacation, to go do this. And now she comes up with the excuse that, we're real busy, we're real swamped, I can't go.

1:06:42 Adam Alright. Well, look, she... She's got a problem, she doesn't want to go. First off, Scott, is a guy who's been with the same chick since the age of 16? Yeah. You should be jumping up and clicking your goddamn heels together that she's not going with you out of town. I don't know where this thought came into a guy's heads about having to drag their wives and girlfriends with them on these three day trips. Are you high? This is the best time you'll ever have. You go over there, you stand up at the wedding, you tilt a few, you end up at a strip club. Well, what about the bachelor party too? Isn't this guy going to have a bachelor party?

1:07:18 Caller Yeah, he did.

1:07:20 Adam Oh, he already had it?

1:07:21 Caller Yeah, yeah, last weekend.

1:07:22 Adam All right, you go there and get loaded and go to some strip clubs with some of these guys. You enjoy yourself. Now, as far as she goes, she needs to get a little medication, she needs to see a therapist, there's something going on with her.

1:07:35 Caller Oh, yeah. My other question is, what do I do now after this? I mean, what I'm afraid is, if we do this and we decide to get married and everything, I'm afraid I'm going to get left at the altar kind of thing. You pansy!

1:07:48 Drew You're 22, why don't you hold up on the marriage?

1:07:50 Adam Slow down. You sound minorly spazzy, Scott. I don't know what's going on with you, but you're going to have to step up with her and you're going to have to say, look, either you start getting yourself some help, or this thing's not moving on.

1:08:03 Drew Yeah.

1:08:04 Adam Okay? And you've got to be prepared that if she can't do it, that you're going to have to move on.

1:08:10 Caller See, that's why I tore last night, you know.

1:08:12 Adam All right. Forget about saying it, now you've got to start acting it.

1:08:17 Drew Minorly spazzy.

1:08:19 Adam Megaspazzy.

1:08:20 Drew Megaspazzy.

1:08:22 Adam Drew, am I right about this? I know your wife's listening, but she's just nothing better than leaving town for a couple of days and leaving the old lady at home.

1:08:29 Drew Well, people need their space. Oh, yeah.

1:08:30 Adam Sure. Why not? Especially, you're going to a wedding, got a bunch of buddies over there.

1:08:35 Drew Well, that's even healthier. You know, both men and women need to hang out with their friends.

1:08:40 Adam Yeah. Yeah. It's too bad women all hate each other and have no friends to hang out with.

1:08:45 Drew No, no. They go with great enthusiasm. They come back hating each other.

1:08:49 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's it. Any girlfriend I've ever had, it's, you know, I always have to contain myself, but...

1:08:55 Drew Just imagine them coming back. They're all three, how many there are? They're all, like, completely separated from one another, heads hanging down, dragging stuff behind them.

1:09:04 Adam Any girlfriend I've ever had, and they go, they'll go like, oh, bad news. I didn't tell you, but, you know, me, Sharon and Paula, we were going to go to Vegas for a couple days. I'm always like, I'm always like going to jump out of my pants and go, this is great. I have to, my first impulse is to pick up the phone and start getting something going. Hey, we got, we got, we got, we got, oh, we got to go order a large pizza. Oh, we got some poker going. We got some girls over. Oh, you know, my first impulse, like, I got to start planning something. Let's not squander, let's not squander this. Yeah, but I always take it slow. Oh, you guys are going, the first one is that kind of just acknowledgement. Oh, you guys are going. And then the second is, oh, that's great, that's great. Oh, oh, oh yeah, well, sure, I'll miss you, but yeah, I'll keep occupied. Run down the hill, grab a phone, start planning something. I don't know, at a certain point, don't women just become your parents?

1:10:03 Drew No, no, no, no, no.

1:10:04 Adam No, but you know what I'm talking. You know what I'm talking about.

1:10:06 Drew Yeah.

1:10:06 Adam Which is when your folks would leave, you know, your folks would go, I don't mean your mother. We're going out to Catalina for three days on the 23rd. So if you and your brother can get in, you're like, oh my God, what's going on?

1:10:17 Drew What you're saying is that they become your family.

1:10:20 Adam They become your family. Yeah. And you're like, clear out, clear out. Are you going to be okay on your own? You sure you don't want to come with? No, no, no, I'll be fine. I'll be fine. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Just clean the house good before they come back. Wash all that stink off. All right, we'll be back.

1:10:39 Hi, this is Chris from The Living End, and you're listening to Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. Don't touch that dial. Hey.

1:10:47 Adam Hey, everybody. Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla, Dr. Drew there. Hey, Anderson, you got that CD. We don't want to hear the whole thing, do we? You don't like it that much?

1:11:00 No, it's good. It's funny. Some kid made it. His name's Ryan Coyle, and we've listened to it. We all laughed in here, but we're sick of hearing you, and it's just more of you, so well, at least it's not actually us, though.

1:11:12 Adam He makes a good point.

1:11:13 It's like hearing the show in fast motion.

1:11:15 Adam Oh, really? Well, a kid worked hard at it, and he sent it in.

1:11:18 And his friend did all the music.

1:11:20 Adam Oh, really? All right. Well, why don't we hear this? Ryan Coyle sent this in from where? He doesn't know where.

1:11:27 I don't know, Pleasanton or something.

1:11:28 Drew Telegram.

1:11:29 Adam Okay. And he put together a little musical montage. And Drew and I haven't heard it, but we're too lazy to go listen to it in the other studio. So let's just do it on the air.

1:11:40 Drew We're too lazy to keep talking here, so.

1:11:42 Adam Right.

1:11:43 Drew Let's play that CD.

1:11:44 Adam Let's hear it, Anderson. What's up?

1:11:47 Drew Oh, no.

1:11:48 Adam Crazy out there. Crazy.

1:11:51 Are there any people who are not stopping to listen to Love Live?

1:11:57 Caller I couldn't get me wetter. I couldn't get me colder.

1:12:01 Adam Why not just be on myself?

1:12:02 Caller Oh, holy Christ.

1:12:03 Drew What have I got to do here?

1:12:04 Caller Good times. Good times. Good times.

1:12:08 Drew I just called the flight.

1:12:10 Adam Good times.

1:12:11 Drew Good times.

1:12:12 Caller Good times. Good times. Hey, good times there, buddy.

1:12:47 Adam How old was the guy?

1:12:49 Caller He was 28.

1:12:50 Caller Oh, goddamn airplane turbulence. Mother of rippers, you bring up the goddamn thing that caused more injuries than the thing you're gonna... Why is that an example? Dude, why?

1:13:05 Adam You had a good time. Yeah, good time.

1:14:29 Drew Okay. Good time. Okay. All right. That was good. Yeah, I was crackly brought to tears thinking to myself, Yeah? Well, this is the way we're heard. This is what they hear. And then I thought to myself, how could they? And I thought, well, what do we talk about tonight? Well, Adam Master made The Man Show. Some guy being gay because he wouldn't make out with his girlfriend. You abused me on at least three occasions about random, random. You abused my wife.

1:14:59 Adam Look, here's the thing, Drew. When people think of this show years from now, when we're long gone, and they just close their eyes and someone says, well, Love Line, what was that? That's basically what they'll hear.

1:15:14 Drew Good times.

1:15:14 Caller Born gay.

1:15:16 Adam What we just heard. The life is to live gay. Yeah. That's what it'll be.

1:15:21 Drew Doesn't that bring?

1:15:23 Adam No.

1:15:23 Drew No.

1:15:24 Adam No, at least they'll think of something.

1:15:25 Okay.

1:15:26 Caller Oh.

1:15:28 They forgot that.

1:15:29 Adam They didn't.

1:15:31 No talent assclown.

1:15:35 Adam Drew loves a good fart. He loves a good novelty fart. All right, Albert.

1:15:42 Caller Hey.

1:15:43 Adam Hey, you're 19. What's going on?

1:15:46 Caller I'm uncircumcised.

1:15:49 Adam You're uncircumcised?

1:15:51 Caller Yeah, and it's not sensitive.

1:15:53 Caller I'm very sensitive.

1:15:55 Caller I want to know what I can do about that.

1:15:57 Drew Now, by sensitive, you mean?

1:15:59 Caller We're having sex.

1:16:00 Drew The gun goes off too fast.

1:16:01 Caller Yeah.

1:16:02 Drew Okay. That's not about being uncircumcised.

1:16:05 Caller Well.

1:16:06 Drew No, it really is not. Well. It really is not.

1:16:08 Adam How dare you?

1:16:10 Drew Let's be serious here.

1:16:11 Adam How dare you? He could, is the end of your, is the head of your penis very sensitive?

1:16:16 Caller Yeah, it's like.

1:16:17 Drew Do you, if you put a condom on. Hey, well, if you put a condom on, does it suddenly last as long as you wish?

1:16:23 Caller No.

1:16:23 Drew No, of course not. That's not the way that works, Adam.

1:16:26 Adam I'm saying it could be taking a bad situation and making it worse.

1:16:31 Drew So put a condom on. That takes care of that.

1:16:34 Adam I'll tell you, do you want to toughen up the head of your penis a little bit? Yeah. Get used to contact? I'll tell you what to do.

1:16:40 Drew A sled?

1:16:41 Adam I'll tell you what to do. Yeah.

1:16:42 Drew Blocking sled?

1:16:44 Adam No. No. Albert, when you're walking around, going about your normal day, do you work? Where do you work?

1:16:53 Caller Foot Action in Eastland is a shoe store.

1:16:55 Adam You work at a shoe store? When you're in the back, next time some guy sends you to the back to get some PF flyers, they still make those. They don't make those anyway.

1:17:05 Caller Can't hold the Air Jordan.

1:17:06 Adam Send you back to get some Air Jordans. Reach down in your pants and pull your foreskin back and let the head of your penis just hang out.

1:17:16 Caller That's what I was saying.

1:17:17 Adam And then walk around throughout your day and let it bang up against the side of your pants. I've been toughening it up a little bit.

1:17:23 Caller That's what I was thinking. That's what I was saying about... That's what I was thinking. It was the circum...

1:17:27 Drew Well, Albert, that's not going to do crap for you.

1:17:29 Adam No, it might help psychologically and it might help physiologically a little bit. But Albert, we talk to guys who have this problem all night long and they're circumcised.

1:17:40 Drew Right.

1:17:41 Adam So, this is about your gun just going off a little too fast. It's not so much about you being uncircumcised, but I think that doing what I just said is worth a try anyway.

1:17:51 Drew How about unloading the pistol?

1:17:54 Adam Can you take a bullet out of the chamber, so to speak, before you get with your woman?

1:18:00 Caller Sometimes I can.

1:18:01 Adam Yeah, you take care of yourself like I took care of myself earlier.

1:18:04 Drew You need a maintenance program, yeah.

1:18:06 Adam How long have you been with this woman?

1:18:09 Caller Different girls, man. Different girls.

1:18:10 Adam Different girls. Okay. It's going to be hard, truthfully, to find your rhythm if you keep moving around. Wear that condom, I agree with Drew. Try pulling the foreskin back when you're walking around normal days. You can toughen it up a little bit. And see if you can figure it out to remove the bullet from the chamber before the gun goes off in the bedroom.

1:18:32 Drew I'm just thinking, this show needs a disclaimer at the beginning. It needs to be like, for all of you, see a doctor, wear a condom, don't do drugs. Don't drive fast. I mean, you know what I mean?

1:18:42 Adam Cover 90% of the way it calls.

1:18:45 Drew But I can also see how we can be criticized for not chanting that stuff. And we don't do it because it's so... Boring. More than boring, just not real. You know what I mean?

1:18:56 Adam Right. Thank you. Jeff? I don't know what that was. We'll edit that out of the show. Sorry for the people that heard it. Jeff, you're 27?

1:19:04 Caller Yeah.

1:19:04 Adam What's up?

1:19:06 Caller I'm having kind of a problem. I was wanting to ask Dr. Drew if there's anything physically to do with a woman when they're pregnant. If they're more prone to get in fights or anything.

1:19:16 Drew Yeah, they're on listen.

1:19:19 Caller We're getting in fights to the tune of four to five times a week.

1:19:22 Adam To the tune of. Yes. Jeff, were you listening the other night when I said I want to see that worked in more?

1:19:29 Caller I've listened to you guys for years.

1:19:31 Adam Thank you, thank you. To the tune of what? Five, six years?

1:19:36 Caller Oh yeah.

1:19:36 Drew To the tune of five or six, yeah. Right. If you were estimating how far into the pregnancy she is, would you say it's the tune of six, seven months?

1:19:48 Caller No, not that far.

1:19:49 Drew Not that far. How far?

1:19:50 Caller We already have one. This is our second.

1:19:52 Drew And was she this way during the first one?

1:19:55 Caller You know, it's tough to, I guess, but not so bad.

1:20:00 Drew Not so bad. Well, first of all, you know this is when you are expected to really be coming through with your best behavior, right?

1:20:08 Caller Okay.

1:20:09 Drew Well, women feel very vulnerable when they're pregnant, and this is the time for you to make them feel secure and safe and loved and protected. That's your job.

1:20:19 Caller Okay.

1:20:20 Drew Not to give her grief, not to give her ass, not to be going out by yourself because she can't. That's the last thing you want to be doing.

1:20:27 Adam Right.

1:20:28 Caller She's only, she's about three months right now.

1:20:30 Drew Yeah, be that as it may.

1:20:31 Adam Be along six months.

1:20:32 Drew Yeah. The other thing is that the biological changes are rather profound and there can be depression, and irritability is one of the hallmarks of depression. People who are depressed need you. They need that connectedness. They need their intimate relationships. Even though it seems that they're pushing you away, they need you. It's an important idea to have that evaluated. Maybe, Marie Osmond just put a book out about pregnancy and depression. You might want to maybe get her that book and let her look out and see if she fits that profile.

1:20:56 Adam You know, I saw that at a B. Dalton's. It's called...

1:21:08 No talent, ass clown.

1:21:10 Adam You know, it's funny, I do this show like I'm trying to get fired. You know what I mean? Like, if this was a sitcom, you'd be going, who wants to get fired and collect on the next few months of his contract?

1:21:20 Drew Let's set the scene. It's WKRP, it's 1977.

1:21:24 Adam Right.

1:21:24 Drew And the DJ is trying to get fired.

1:21:25 Adam Yeah, that's like a sitcom. Ah, Jesus Christ. Yeah, listen, you got to step up when you're widespread.

1:21:32 Drew Yes, you do.

1:21:33 Adam Look, they always talk about all the pain, the physical pain, the emotional pain that a woman goes through to carry the child. What about the pain she brings on her man who's living under the same roof with her, this monster for nine months? That's pain. Oh, Drew, I was just thinking about your triplets and your wife.

1:21:54 Drew She was like, no, no, hey, she was a seriously...

1:22:00 Adam She's troubled when she's not pregnant.

1:22:01 Drew No, listen, she was the most untroubled pregnant woman. And she was a living incubator. I mean, she was in bed for four months. She was in the hospital half of that time.

1:22:10 Adam He just had her juiced up the whole time.

1:22:12 Drew No, she wasn't juiced up. Couldn't be. She should have been. I would have had to have been.

1:22:16 Adam That's right.

1:22:17 Drew Listen, no, seriously, you and I would have been... Please imagine that being an incubator for nine months and four of those just completely being relinquished to sort of a medical system.

1:22:28 Adam I'm saying if she had one, she was on her feet, you'd be screwed. She'd have enough energy to kick your ass around the house. You got your bullet there. Smart. Smart. What about taking drugs when you're pregnant?

1:22:41 Drew What about them? Well, what about antidepressants? You can't really.

1:22:44 Adam You can't. Nothing can be...

1:22:46 Drew You shouldn't. You can, but you shouldn't.

1:22:49 Adam Okay.

1:22:50 Drew The jury is out on that.

1:22:52 Adam It's still out?

1:22:52 Drew It's not been studied properly. Okay.

1:22:54 Adam It's interesting.

1:22:55 Drew They would go...

1:22:56 Adam They would go off or anything.

1:22:57 Drew There's a couple of them that may be safe, but generally they try to keep them off the serotonin re-uptake inhibitors during pregnancy. I mean really diligently keep them off it.

1:23:05 Adam Okay. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we'll speak to Angie, who's a 31 year old boyfriend's in prison for drugs. Really? No. Yeah.

1:23:15 Caller How about this one? No?

1:23:17 Adam No.

1:23:17 Drew No. How about we...

1:23:32 Adam Hey, everybody, Love Line. Let's keep rolling right along with the calls and the hilarity. What do you say, Drew?

1:23:38 Drew Sure.

1:23:40 Adam Angie?

1:23:41 Drew Good times.

1:23:41 Adam Good times.

1:23:42 Caller Hello.

1:23:43 Adam You're 24?

1:23:44 Caller Yes.

1:23:45 Adam Boyfriend's in prison?

1:23:47 Caller No, he was in prison when I first started dating him.

1:23:50 Adam Oh, what's wrong with you?

1:23:53 Caller Well, we've been dating for five years, and he had just gotten out of prison. He was in prison for four years. Last night, I looked on the internet and found out that he was in prison for molesting a child.

1:24:04 Adam Yeah. All right. Well, let's get back to my first question.

1:24:06 Drew Yeah. What's the matter with you?

1:24:07 Adam What's wrong with you?

1:24:08 Caller What do you mean?

1:24:10 Adam Well, you say you met the guy when he was in prison?

1:24:12 Caller No, no, no. He was already-

1:24:14 Adam No, that's what you said.

1:24:15 Caller No, he had just gotten out of prison.

1:24:18 Adam That's the second thing he said, but the first thing he said is he was in prison when you met him.

1:24:22 Caller No. Well, he was in prison for four years, and when he got out, I met him and we've been dating for five years.

1:24:28 Drew How'd you meet him?

1:24:30 Caller At a bar.

1:24:31 Adam Okay.

1:24:32 Drew So his crime was over nine years ago.

1:24:36 Caller Yeah. Well, actually, when I looked on the Internet, it said his crime was 13 years ago.

1:24:41 Drew That'd be over nine years ago.

1:24:42 Caller Yeah.

1:24:43 Drew Okay.

1:24:44 Adam Right.

1:24:46 Caller I don't know if I should, I want to talk to him about this, and I want to know if I can do more checking into what actually happened, and I was also curious to know if people can really change with health.

1:25:00 Caller I don't know what to do.

1:25:01 Drew Good question.

1:25:02 Adam Actually, good question. Now, he told you he was in for drugs.

1:25:06 Caller Yes.

1:25:07 Adam And could he have been in for drugs and this?

1:25:11 Caller Oh, yeah. Yeah.

1:25:11 Caller That's very, I knew he did drugs when he was younger.

1:25:14 Adam All right. And how do you find out what he did on the Internet?

1:25:17 Caller Well, some friend last night was telling me about, her son is in prison, and she looked at this one website, and you can put in their name.

1:25:25 Adam Yeah.

1:25:26 Caller And it tells you all their information.

1:25:27 Adam Interesting. That's great. Wow. That's nice.

1:25:31 Caller Yeah.

1:25:31 Adam It's a lovely group. And how does he seem to you?

1:25:38 Caller He seems like a completely different person that would do something like that.

1:25:42 Drew What kind of person?

1:25:43 Adam What was the situation? What did they say he did?

1:25:45 Caller I, you know, they didn't give details, and that's what I, I, someone told me I could go down to the courthouse and get public records and...

1:25:54 Drew Well, look, you're involved with this guy. Give him a chance to be honest with you.

1:25:57 Caller Okay.

1:25:57 Well, I'm bringing it up.

1:25:59 Drew You know, what happened? I, I, you know, I found out this is what happened. And if he's super defensive and angry, then, hey, this isn't the guy you think he is.

1:26:08 Adam Do you have kids?

1:26:09 Caller No.

1:26:10 Adam You a heavy set gal?

1:26:12 Caller Me?

1:26:13 Adam Yeah.

1:26:13 Caller Um, I've recently gained some weight since I've been with him.

1:26:16 Adam Well, that's all right, but I'm...

1:26:18 Caller I mean, we have broken up before, and I've been fine without him. I just... I care about him. It's a long time to invest in a relationship.

1:26:25 Adam And he's doing his work and, you know, keeping... keeping clean?

1:26:32 Caller Well, he drinks, but...

1:26:35 Adam It's not a great thing for a guy who had a problem with drugs.

1:26:38 Caller No, I think that, you know, I'm thinking now that he... I'm sure he's drinking to cover up his pain.

1:26:43 Drew Oh, please, Angie, Angie, please.

1:26:49 Adam You have no kids.

1:26:50 Caller No.

1:26:51 Adam That's good. And what's this guy do for a living?

1:26:54 Caller Construction.

1:26:55 Adam No! Horrible.

1:26:59 Drew Well, he's drinking because he's an alcoholic.

1:27:00 Adam I told you most of the guys I work with were felons.

1:27:03 I know.

1:27:03 Drew You would never have been wrong. All right. He's drinking because he drinks.

1:27:08 Uh-huh.

1:27:08 Drew He likes drinking. And yes, there are emotional issues that fuel alcoholism and make it progress. But you got a problem here. You got some real serious issues with this guy. Criminal, child abuse, addict, drinking.

1:27:22 Adam So what should you do? Talk to him.

1:27:24 Drew Talk to him. Ask for some change.

1:27:26 Adam Don't make a big deal out of it.

1:27:27 Drew Go to Al-Anon.

1:27:28 Adam See, a friend of hers was in jail. She said to go on this website. She did, and that's what happened. Yeah. You know, be honest with him.

1:27:35 Drew You should stay with this guy. You should feel free to be honest with him about that.

1:27:39 Adam Rachel?

1:27:40 Caller Yeah?

1:27:41 Adam You're 20, what's up?

1:27:42 Caller Hey.

1:27:43 Adam Hey, hey.

1:27:46 Caller I was just calling to let you know that I think it's really funny when you fart on the radio.

1:27:52 Adam Yeah. Yeah, I think farting is hysterical, but I realize in my adult travels that other folks don't all the time.

1:28:00 Drew It's pretty sexy, isn't it, Rachel?

1:28:04 Adam It turns you on?

1:28:05 Caller No.

1:28:06 Caller I mean, I just think it's funny.

1:28:07 Caller Be honest.

1:28:08 Caller And you only laugh at yourself and then Drew just sits there.

1:28:13 Adam Drew likes a good fart too.

1:28:15 Oh, that's good.

1:28:16 Drew I like Adam's diabolical laughter that ensues.

1:28:19 Adam Yeah. She's a hand one too.

1:28:21 Oh, no.

1:28:24 Adam Let's see if I can get one off before the show ends. All right, Rachel.

1:28:27 Caller All right. That's cool.

1:28:27 Adam You'll be listening?

1:28:28 Caller Yeah.

1:28:29 Drew Do you? Just so we don't really have a girl that enjoys the fart humor, right?

1:28:33 Adam You enjoy the fart yourself?

1:28:36 Caller Well, my roommate and I think it's really funny to sit around and have farting contests.

1:28:41 Adam Shoot the breeze. Yeah, that's nice. You know what I was saying, you know, when we-

1:28:46 What?

1:28:50 Adam I was, you know, I was at the man show, shooting man shows today and walking around in my sweatpants during some run through of some manovations bit or something. It's the same thing. We're in the man show studio. It's a good size studio in the audience where all the seating is, where the bleachers are. There's a handful of our writers, a couple of tech guys, people standing around reading the newspaper and then us up on stage arguing over some nonsense detail and a few of the familiar faces from the old Loveline show around there, Tracy and Craig Frank. Anyway, they put the little lavalier mic on you and you walk around. I had a good one. So when I have a good one, I'll pop the mic off, a little mic that's clipped on to my shirt, put it in my ass and let it go and it fills up the whole PA system. It goes around, it echoes throughout, but everyone looks up, it's big, it's like we're just sitting there talking about nothing and suddenly, pfft.

1:29:52 No talent ass clown.

1:29:57 Adam But it was great, it was huge, everyone started laughing.

1:29:59 Drew But you and Jimmy just sitting.

1:30:00 Adam Me and Jimmy laughing like mad men and all the writers laughing, everyone's laughing and 10 minutes later, I let another one fly. But I put this little lavalier mic, you know, it's the size of a raisin. I'm probably like shoving up my hands like, you know, it takes a little place and we're sitting around at lunch and some people comment and said, yeah, that's funny, that's good. And I said, yeah, but I want to be alive long enough for the day when not only the sound is transmitted through the speakers, but the smell comes through the speakers too.

1:30:29 Drew We can rate the smell. How many?

1:30:31 Hobo power.

1:30:32 Drew You can turn the volume, the hobo power volume.

1:30:34 Adam Don't ruin my utopia with your delusions of hobo power.

1:30:37 No, you can just dial in the hobo power.

1:30:40 Adam What an amazing thing that when the smell could come through the speaker as well. That's all I'm looking for.

1:30:44 Drew Don't take another call.

1:30:45 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:30:46 No.

1:30:47 Adam Brian?

1:30:48 Caller Yeah.

1:30:49 Adam You're 21, what's up?

1:30:51 Caller Yeah, I got a question about, well, first I should start off where it all began here. I have a small penis there, and it's about four and a half.

1:31:01 Drew Correct.

1:31:02 Caller Yeah.

1:31:02 Drew Yeah.

1:31:03 Caller And when I was about 15 years old, I had this girlfriend and she was going down in my pants one night.

1:31:08 Drew Mason Jar.

1:31:09 Adam Yeah.

1:31:09 Drew Yeah.

1:31:09 Adam I don't believe this.

1:31:10 Drew And?

1:31:11 Caller And she reached down there and she pulled back up, but she gave him a smirk and I didn't know anything about it back then. So I was like, what's going on? I followed her back to the classroom. I said, she says she's going to break up with me. I said, what's going on?

1:31:22 Drew Where is he going with this? Who knows?

1:31:24 Adam Back to the classroom.

1:31:25 Drew Mason jar.

1:31:26 Adam Oh, listen. Four and a half, that's what you got. That's what you got. Nothing you can do about it. Just get good with your tongue. Not only going down on women, I mean talking them into the sack when you're in a bar.

1:31:41 Drew There you go.

1:31:42 Adam You're fine. There's nothing you can do. Why bother?

1:31:44 Drew Don't take that call.

1:31:45 Adam Overcompensate.

1:31:46 Drew Never listen to me.

1:31:47 Adam Oh, shut up. We'll be back. There you go. Fabulous, Loveline.

1:32:05 Drew Fabulous.

1:32:06 Adam All right, let's take a little extended dance break here, Drew. Come back in about 22 hours, what do you say?

1:32:11 Drew Good, let's do it.

1:32:12 Adam So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:32:15 Drew Adam, were you sexually bruised going up?

1:32:25 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff, management sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, June 26, 2001